You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode
416.
Kayla Lords here with the 1, the only,
the
you giggled in an evil way when I
referenced you as a playful, silly, goofy kind
of dominant. Mhmm. John Brown sounded. I did.
Is it because I was letting your secrets
out? Or is that because it's not how
you see yourself?
Or some third thing that I have not
said?
I'm just gonna keep you guessing.
Yeah. I know.
That's what we're talking about this week. This
week, we're talking about a concept that has
had me in a choke hold.
And the moment I saw these words strung
together, I knew in my mind what that
meant. I was like, we are gonna talk
about it, and that is the concept of
old relationship energy instead of new relationship energy.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday
for your kinky pleasure and education, and show
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will forever motherfucking
hate.
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So at loving d s 1 or on
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BDSM, or you can watch us live streaming
the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in
the show notes. Ta da. Okay.
Before we get into this week's topic, we
are sponsoring
us again this week because
the Kinkery just turned 4. We just had
our yeah. The 22nd October, which was
Tuesday.
What are dates? I think so. Yeah. Whatever
day of the week 22nd was,
that was our 4th anniversary.
Our wedding anniversary
is next Monday 28th.
And 2 days after that is someone's birthday.
Which we're live streaming on my birthday, unless
we change that up. That's the second announcement.
Give me a second. So for the kinkery,
thekinkery.com,
we're celebrating with a sale. The coupon code,
all one word spelled out
4 years,
f o u r y e a r
s, 4 years. Do not worry. If you
go to our website, there's a little message
thing at the very top that tells you
what the coupon code is. Save 15% off
your order.
We just we are steadily doing
restocks.
As of the time of recording, Wednesday night,
I just restocked soy wax play candles.
Some paddles that
thanks to the nature of our wait list,
1 paddle went from 4 restocks to 1.
So
if there's anything you see and you're like,
oh, I would really like that product in
that color slash wood type,
and it's not there, put yourself on the
wait list. You'll get an email when we
restock. Yep.
So, yeah, 4th anniversary, 15% off. The sale
runs through the 28th
October because that's our wedding anniversary, and I
looked it up. We've been married 7 years
or we will have been married 7 years.
Wow. 7 years. I have to look it
up though
because we got married in 2017.
Okay. I'll say this. Thank you,
Apple
photo
blah de blah things Oh, for Organizing things
by years.
So, yeah, thecakery.com,
we are, we we are still restocking as
we speak. I got the soy wax play
candles in, and I just haven't made the
paraffin candles yet. But all of the supplies
are sitting
to the left of me.
So those are coming as well.
So, yeah, that is that. Then I forgot
to actually type it out in our little
notes, but there is another announcement
just to give everybody a heads up. Podcast
listeners, this this will not affect you at
all.
But, for anybody who likes to watch the
livestream or tries to catch it, next Wednesday,
October 30th yes. It's my birthday.
The oldest child also has a performance that
he told me about 2 months ago. That's
how much he wanted to make sure I
was there
and that we were there. And it's at
a really weird time of 5:10
in the afternoon.
So there won't be a 7 PM livestream
on October 30th. Nope. We had not set
a time, but it probably be the noon
time because that probably makes the most sense.
So just if if you
look out for the livestream or haven't been
able to watch livestream because of the, because
of our time change that we did for
the summer,
last Wednesday in October, it will it will
definitely be an earlier time
because we have,
we have we have a place we need
to be.
So
now I would love to get into the
topic when somebody
walked away
because he thought he had more water in
his cup than he did, and so he
had to go do a quick refill. Normally,
I make sure both of our drinks are
filled before the live stream, but I was
editing photos,
updating inventory, updating listings.
And I was doing stuff too, running around
here from one end to the other. Well,
my favorite was while I was in the
middle of editing photos. I said first, I
go, daddy, can I ask you a favor?
He says no. Now I'm aware enough to
know he was teasing me, but he said
no. So I waited till I had the
all clear
that, yeah, no, really, I could. Then I
was like, do you mind could you go
get my water off of the kitchen table?
I'm like, I'm parched over here,
and I'm trying you know, but I don't
wanna stop what I'm doing because I don't
wanna lose focus anymore than I already do.
He goes, sure. So he gets up and
So I get up,
and
I think to myself, okay, you know, we're
gonna be doing the live stream soon.
I need to bump the air down. Let
me bump the air because it's on, you
know,
the other, the other side of the house
per se from the the dining room,
and I'll grab it on the way back.
So I did that. I set the air
and,
you know, put and set the timer for
it and everything, and
came walking back into the office
With no water. And no
no cup in my hands. But my perception
of things, I didn't I did not realize
he had walked out of the office and
had been gone that long long enough to
do all of that. So to me, it
looked like I thought he walked out and
walked back in with no water. And I'm
like,
did you just walk out there and turn
forget what you were here for and turn
back around? Anyway,
it's been a doozy of a day. Not
for any bad things. Just Just a doozy.
Busy. Okay. So we're you're back now. You're
hydrated.
I'm hydrated. I'm back. I gave Lola her
pet. She's heading off to her, excuse me,
heading off to her cart.
You mean her cart? Caught.
Oh. Oh. Oh, no. This is gonna be
a long night. I think so. So we're
gonna actually get into the topic. Okay. And
this is not an expression or a phrase
that we came up with at all. Literally
got an email from somebody for our q
and a episode. We've already done the q
and a, but I couldn't find it slash
remember which one it was. But they were
talking about the nature of their relationship and
trying to kinda get back into things they
used to do. And they sort of, in
an offhand way, referred to the nature of
their relationship as being old relationship energy.
And my brain immediately went, I I don't
know what they meant, but I know what
it meant. Like, I want I know what
that is. Yep. And it's the opposite of
new relationship energy.
And so I've just been thinking about this
phrase.
Since then, I'm like, that's a thing. That's
a thing. And I never would have thought
to, like, put those words together like that
even though it makes sense. If you're not
in new relationship energy and you you're past
the point of anything being, like, kind of
an unknown.
I won't say past the point of anything
being exciting, but you know, you just
you you've been together long enough.
Yeah. Old relationship energy seems like the right
phrase. What that middle bit is between falling
out of new relationship energy and getting into
older, I don't know. I'm I'm not smart
enough to come up with that, but I
think that's a liminal space in between the
2. But we're we're I'm going with old
relationship energy is, like,
a certain point
that's not defined by time. I think it's
defined
by behavior, ways of being, comfort,
how relaxed you are into into your groove.
Whenever you hit that point, whatever that point,
that's when old relationship energy starts.
So
for anybody who's like, but what is new
relationship energy? Sometimes referred to as NRE. You
love to call it NRE. Relationship energy? Sometimes
referred to as NRE. You love to call
it NRE, and I'm like, people are gonna
think that's like a word that's like you
just said in cursive or something. New relationship
energy is that excitement and passion and
That thrill. Oh my god.
That
excitement and passion and That thrill. Oh my
god. That the you have more energy and
you're willing to do all kinds of things
because it's a new relationship and it feels
good and everything's new and shiny and bright
and exciting.
My experience
in new relationship energy, there is a whole
hell of a lot more sex and fuckery
if your relationship has either of those.
Tends to be a lot more of it
during new relationship
energy.
It does it can also be a time
that's fraught with what ifs and I don't
knows and uncertainty.
But mostly, it's just a ton of excitement
and being all, you know, for for
romantic relationships is a lot of lovey dovey
for sexual relationships. It's a lot of knocking
boots for, you know, it's just everything is
just fresh, you know? Excuse me. In both
the amazing ways and also maybe the not
so amazing ways of but I don't I
don't know when I'm uncertain.
So
let's contrast that with how
we would define Mhmm. Old relationship energy.
How would you define that?
Well, you know, we've been married for a
hot minute now.
Okay. Your.
How would I define it?
What does it feel like to I I
I think
the best way I could
describe that is,
having settled into a comfort zone. Yes. Yeah.
You there's a knowledge that you have not
just of the relationship and kind of what's
expected, especially in power exchange where you've negotiated
things and you found routines and Yeah. You,
you know, you built, hopefully, habits or just
ways of kind of, like, ways of getting
through stuff.
And, yeah, there's yeah.
It's a comfy. It's like it's like putting
on
slippers that are molded to the shape of
your feet.
Or that or that old t shirt that
Or the soft sweater slash sweatshirt that you're
like, okay. Yes. This is my cozy thing.
It's a Mhmm.
On
at its best,
old relationship
energy, comfortable and cozy. Yeah. I would I
would agree with that. Mhmm.
So what I did for
this episode to try and find ways to
talk about it without being completely all over
the place,
I broke it down into the pros of
old relationship energy and the cons. Okay. Because
nothing is all good or all bad. Even
new relationship energy has both its pros and
cons. You know? Yes. Indeed. So much more
fuckery, but also so much more uncertainty about
what does that my partner think and what
do they feel and I don't know. Right.
Right. Yep. Am I doing this right? Like,
meh. Those are not questions I've asked myself
in
literal years.
I mean, at this point, probably a decade
because a decade ago, we were god, a
decade ago, today, we were living together. Yes.
And it adjusted to living together. So there
was some uncertainty, but not Not a whole
lot. No.
Uh-uh.
Okay. Because at that point, yeah, we had
an idea
of who we are and, you know, what
we were expecting from each other. Mhmm.
So what I'll do is I'll I'll run
down what we know we'll cover in the
pause the pros and cons of old relationship
energy, but we might slip some more in
there soon. So under I call them the
positives, but you can call them the pros.
Comfort,
communication shortness.
I love that.
That's gonna be its own episode at some
point, and knowing each other very well. There
will probably be more as we go through
the conversation. The negatives are the cons. It's
easy to get into a rut. It's easy
for your relationship to stagnate,
and it's easy to become complacent. Yes. Yeah.
Which can which can really, really, like, screw
up your relationship. Hurt. Yep. So let's start
with the the good stuff. This the stuff
we find to be positive about,
a long term power exchange relationship. Okay. So
the comfort part, what what is what does
that mean for you? I I think the
comfort part for me.
Excuse me for the time, sorry.
It's been a long day.
The comfort part for me,
kind of, falls under
stability
Mhmm. And and our routine. Mhmm.
I know what to expect. I know what
most things are gonna look like from day
to day. I know
your reactions to most things. You can still
surprise me.
Typically, it's it's not always a good surprise.
Because when you think you know how somebody's
gonna react to something,
sometimes you are surprised.
And like that anticipatory
thing, you know. Yeah.
So
yeah. I I would agree with all those
things. There's there's a to me, there's kind
of a a a peace,
p e a c e peace, in just
in that comfort because I'm not I don't
walk around second guessing myself. I'm if I'm
second guessing myself, it's a new thought for
me and for something that that we haven't
necessarily gone through before. Yeah. But I'm not
second guessing my submission. I'm not second guessing
what you want from me. I don't walk
around questioning that. I am very comfortable in
my role. I'm very
comfortable
in the strength of our relationship.
I think you can have old relationship energy
and not always have the same level of
comfort because Mhmm. Having old relationship energy does
not mean everything is
great in your relationship necessarily.
It just means that you've done this long
enough that you've there is a comfort level
Yeah. Which the downside to some comfort level
is sometimes people will stay in a relationship
that no longer serves them Yes. Because it's
comfortable. Right. I think we've talked about that
in the past. Probably. Probably. Yeah. That you
know, while while the comfort
it's a double edged sword. It can be
a good thing, but it can also be
a negative thing. Right. Exactly. Exactly.
Okay. I'm already getting to it because I
freaking love it, and it's a communication
shorthand. Yes. Part of that is knowing you.
Like, I know what you're probably gonna say
to most things at this point. Again, yes.
We I can be surprised.
So our negotiations
do not sound like they did No. They
did. 12 years ago.
That was a very sort of,
controlled
and
there was a was a lot more in-depth.
It was in-depth, but there was also a
sort of a there's a word I want.
It was almost formalized in some ways. Like,
we're gonna sit down at this time and
do this thing, and we're gonna discuss. And,
you know, for a while, we were on
a schedule.
And these days
Yeah. We did. Can't even imagine it. In
the beginning, we had weekly check ins for
a while. Right. Exactly. Exactly. And now,
you know,
the that communication shorthand is when one of
us has a thought, we try to find
the time when both of us are just
available. Right. You know, you I don't know
I don't know what it's about. It might
not even be about our relationship. But the
shorthand is JB needs to talk to me,
and he was like, after the stream, can
can we sit outside? And I I need
to talk to you. And I was like,
yeah. Sure. That's as formalized as
a negotiation or a whatever is a check-in
is gonna get these days. Mhmm. Most of
the time, we're gonna we're gonna be somewhere
where we know it's appropriate. The
you know, no kids are around. You know?
We're not, like, in the middle of a
restaurant with a server around. But we're gonna
be somewhere where we know we can speak
freely, and one of us is gonna say
to the other, you know, I've been thinking
about something.
And then we're,
you know Yeah. There's also
you you you went. Do go. Well, you
know, I was thinking too the the the
communication shorthand
also, you know, not just for that, but
I I have found that even in in
day to day things,
you know, I can
pretty much
tell where you're at
with your
body language. Oh sure. A lot of things.
Say it's
funny, we we joked about this, you know,
about your,
oh gosh, now again, your,
size.
You know, you're sighing when you're sighing. Sizing.
Sizing. I heard s I z e. I
was like, no, we don't joke about my
sighs. No. No. No. No. The sighing. The
sighing. The sighing. Yeah. The deep breathing. The
deep breathing.
And and, you know, we we talked about
in the past how, you know, I my
desk is right
next to hers. Yes.
And, you know, I'd be sitting there, and
she'd be doing these deep sighs, and I'd
be, what's wrong? What's wrong?
And
and now I've kind of come to the
point where I can tell your sighs. Oh,
wow. Okay. Okay. I I know when you're
just deep breathing and I know when something
is really You probably know better than I
do.
Like, because you can both be deep breathing
and very, you know, feeling a way that
requires a sigh. Just in case anybody wondered.
But you know what? You know,
I it it's things like that after,
you know, the the the years that we've
been together that, you know, kind of pick
up on and Well, it's like I know
when you were I I won't know why
or what it's about unless we've just had
an argument.
But I know when you're closed off. I
know when you we're not connected
in the way I prefer to be connected.
I know when you've got something on your
mind, but you're not talking to me about
it. Because it it's a body language, facial
expression
It is.
Shortness of tone when you do speak. Like,
there's all these clues that over time, you
know, we've just been exposed to each other
long enough that
we have and we pay attention. You know?
We're we
want to know what the other one is
going through. We yes. We like any long
term couple of any flavor,
we absolutely can take each other for granted
or take the relationship for granted or not
focus on it in a way we would
prefer. But we prefer to be focusing on
our relationship, especially our power exchange. It's it's
meaningful to us. So when you have that
kind
of purposeful focus on one another, you're gonna
learn shit about each other. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. And you're gonna notice stuff. It
used to drive him crazy
that I would be picking up on
anxiety,
unease, stress, whatever disconnect, whatever whatever from him
before,
either before
he recognized it for yourself or was just
ready to talk about it. Because I'd be
like, what is wrong? He's like, I do
not know what you mean. No. No. No.
No. No. I've got
an 82 point bullet point list of all
the things that are not quite right. That
you've been doing. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm sorry that you don't realize it, but
I'm here to tell you
I am an expert on John Brownstone
and the many facial expressions, tones of
and body language, the way you you move
your body up.
Does that sound
unhealthy?
I mean, to to somebody.
Not to me. We live together. We work
together. We raise kids together. We are together
together together.
I'm grateful that we genuinely like one another
because that's a lot of time to spend
with somebody. It is. But I, you know,
I feel like for me, it would be
sort of a bummer if I spent that
much time around you
and couldn't read you,
you know, and know that I might not
know what's going on, but I know something's
going on. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. Communication shorthand is
nice. And also
and I think anybody who's ever been in
a long term relationship
will know this. But, yeah, yeah. In power
exchange,
it
it it just makes things a little interesting.
So one of our things is JB opens
my car door for me. That is what
he does.
When it's just the 2 of us, it
is easy for me to ask, is this
a time, you know, do you want me
to get myself out? Maybe our hands are
full. Maybe it's a, it's a weird parking
situation and it's just like, it's just more
convenient if I just get myself out. And
so I can just ask him. But if
we are not alone,
we have developed this
eye head bop thing and we know what
it means.
He'll do this. He'll nod his head at
me. And I'm like, that means get yourself
out of the car. Okay?
And I I think any relationship could develop
that, but power exchange being something that most
of us wanna keep private from at least
some people
that might be around I am just have
to. I am going to say,
you know, yeah, it it we do that
and, you know, sometime. What's funny
is I I think,
you know, I've I've had
I'd like to believe I've had a a
positive
impact on the boys in some ways. Absolutely.
And and, you know, one of the things
when when the youngest is with us, when
we are all out together,
you know, I will open
the car door and let Kayla in the
car.
Well,
it became established early on
that the youngest
was going to be the one to open
the car door
for mom when we arrived at a destination.
Just like he's gonna be the one sitting
next to me wherever we go. Yeah. Restaurant,
whatever. Yeah. Yeah. But I I just think
it's
And we live in the South, so many
people have commented on what a a nice
young gentleman we're raising
because he was the door for me. I
know. I know. You did that. I've never
been that. You're the one that that taught
him that. He went, okay. And even,
I I will say this,
with the oldest,
he does not do that for you. Yeah.
No. Okay? That is not his
Nah.
But,
I have clocked him out in the wild
holding doors
for others. Very sweet. Yeah.
So, yeah, we've got a lot of communication
shorthand. I wanna I wanna be careful. I
I want a separate episode to think about
what communication shorthand is. Mhmm. But the the
third one on my list, and we can
add more, but it kinda, what we've been
talking about, kinda flows right into just knowing
each other really well. Yeah. You know?
I I know
what you're gonna be like when you're sick.
So I
know kind of how much you're probably gonna
sleep. Mhmm. I know
which days you're gonna need to be babied
a little bit more than days when you're
like, me do it. You know what I
mean? You don't want my help. You wanna
do it yourself.
I have kind of learned which
illnesses are gonna make you just cranky because
you just don't feel good. It's not so
bad that you need to be laid up
for a few days, but it's bad enough
that you're just walking around being miserable. Mhmm.
The thing I learned, this is not really
about the the topic, but it is just
a side note for anybody who might be
wired similarly to me.
Many of us being raised and socialized as
women, you know, in western society,
I do not stop or slow down just
because I've got a cold. I do not
take a nap just because I'm tired. I
if I am in pain, well, we just
fucking work through it. That is
how
I am for many different reasons. Part of
it being just a thing many women can
relate to. Being a mom, being whatever, all
kinds of reasons.
Early days in our relationship,
I couldn't understand why I was always so
angry
when you would get sick or hurt and
you would take care of yourself.
I would crash and burn.
Man flu for real. Like, oh my god.
And what's funny is I think I think
it is
it's not uncommon.
I think it's even understandable that,
you know, if
in a in a cishet relationship, especially
where you have the the stereotypes
of the woman takes care of everything and
never takes care of herself
and makes life easy for her husband. So
therefore, he can take a nap and he
can just whatever.
We don't have we never had that kind
of relationship, but, of course, I can fall
back on those kinds of
habits and ways of thinking.
And so in the beginning of our relationship,
I would actually be very resentful because I'd
be like, well, I'm fucking tired too. But
you know what it was? And I this
is
I'm gonna say maybe because of power exchange.
Mhmm. Maybe because this is just a good
relationship regardless of flavor. We're good with each
other. We're very compatible.
Instead of carrying all that resentment and holding
on to it, what I fucking learned is,
you know what? I'm sick. I'm gonna sit
fucking down right now. Well,
I'm gonna take a goddamn nap. Sometimes. Sometimes.
Well, you're still lot. There there are times
I have to step in, you know, the
the the knowing each other well because I
know you well enough that when you get
a headache,
you'll say,
I've got a headache,
but you don't do anything. I just You
don't do shit. The moment I get focused,
I don't feel
it anymore.
If I if I don't tell you to
to take something for your headache, you won't.
Quite frankly, if you don't tell me to
take something, bring it to me with my
water Yeah. I probably won't. Well, see, that's
the other thing I've learned. I have to
actually bring it to you. And I you
know what?
Talking along those lines of of learning to
not be resentful of the fact that you
rest when you are tired and you're sick,
it's because
you do take care of me. You you
want me to rest when I don't feel
well as much as you want to rest
when you don't feel well. And that really
is the difference. If anybody can relate to
that kind of imbalance of, you know, one
person never rests when they're sick or they
feel bad and the other one always does.
Right?
You over all these
years, you have you have gotten more insistent
about it. I think
early days in our relationship,
again, when we were in that space between
new relationship and old relationship. Like, we were
still kinda getting comfortable with 1 another. We
were still learning a lot, but the the
excitement, like, the the frenzy, the kind of
excitement had faded.
You know? I think in the beginning, you
did not quite know that that's how I
operate. Like,
I I will have a limb hanging down
and dragging it on the floor behind me,
but I'll be like, I got shit to
do, and I'm gonna keep going. That's not
healthy. I'm not proud of it. I just
know me. And in the beginning, I think
you waited for me to just you figured
I was just gonna I'd just take care
of myself.
No. Cool. And what you were paying attention,
and what you learned was, oh, no. No.
No. I'm gonna have to go all daddy
down on her and make her take care
of herself. Mhmm. And that's where, over all
this time, I still don't do it consistently,
but I am not resentful
when you take care of yourself. Because I'm
like, I know I have the freedom to
do that. I just am a dumbass who
doesn't
do that. Yeah.
And that that is
that's a a part of the the long
term process of
the relationship getting,
you know, not just what do you do
for me and how do you learn me
and how do I learn you, but what
is it that you do that has taught
me something? What am I learning about myself
because I'm in a relationship with you? Yeah.
And, you know, that won't be the same
from
relationship to relationship because we each have different
things to teach one another, you know, in
any relationship.
But that's that's a thing that I've, you
know, sort of noticed.
You've you've trained me well.
I now have, not always,
but more than I used to,
if I am gonna actually complain about the
headache, I better follow it up with, and
yes, I took something off. Right. Yep.
Because you know I'm gonna be asking you.
I'm just having a pill bottle in your
hand. And then I'm gonna get the look,
and then he's gonna have his own side.
That's another part of a relationship,
Angie.
You can get it wrong, but I know
99.9%
of the time how he's going to react
to something. Good,
bad, neutral, doesn't matter. I can almost clock
step by step
what he's gonna do.
I I I don't walk around doing that.
I think that would make life kinda
boring and weird, and you do still have
the ability to surprise me.
I'm curious if I have the ability to
surprise
you.
Yeah.
When was the last time I surprised you?
Since you have a better memory than I
do. My memory's gone to shit lately.
Don't ask me anything.
You know, the surprise
I'm trying to think. When was the last
time you surprised me? I know that you
have. They're not big earth shattering surprises. Right?
It's usually small things because I'm making assumptions
that I know who you are based on
12 years together. I'm I'm I'm mean And
you'll still do something along the way. Things
I use one of the things I used
to do for you,
I don't go out that much by myself
anymore.
But,
when I used to pick the youngest up
from school, I would stop and bring you
a diet Coke home. God, I miss those
days.
Not just the diet Coke. Yeah. I mean,
not every day, but, you know, what? Yeah.
The
the get one of us will get the
other a little treat. Oh,
okay. This is
when you know each other, and then and
then the kids are paying attention.
So
we are all creatures of habit around here.
We like our routines. That's it.
The youngest
therapy days, post therapy, we go to the
racetrack gas station. Why? Because if you have
their app,
found drinks are a dollar,
and they always have coupons for other things.
So we go there because I'm like, okay.
I'll get a diet Coke. The kid probably
needs to decompress from whatever he was doing
in therapy. Cool. Cool. So it became part
of the routine. And unless we're like,
poor as shit, we're going. Right?
And I typically
and it's the it's the power exchange thing.
I don't like to surprise you with something
unless I know you want something because you're
the the dominant charge. If you don't want
it, I don't wanna bring you something
Yeah. That you know, there's there's a there's
a fine line
between
a happy surprise
and
I didn't ask for this and I'm your
dominant. Please don't give me what I don't
want. Right?
So when it's been a hot minute since
JB's had some treats
from our, you know, therapy appointment post whatever,
I'll bring him something as a surprise because
I know I'm paying attention. It's been a
hot minute. He hasn't had a York peppermint
patty. He hasn't he hasn't gone with us.
He hasn't gone to have this experience. I'll
bring something of that home to him. But
I also know that after it becomes part
of the routine,
I'm checking in because I wanna bring you
what you want. Right? It's it's not about
a surprise anymore because it's now commonplace,
and he's the daddy dom. So what do
you want? Tell me what to do. Also,
I sometimes just like it when he tells
me what the fuck to do.
Pro tip. If you too like it when
your dom tells you what the fuck to
do and they haven't been because life has
been lifing,
ask them. What would you like? And then
they'll tell you and look at you being
a good submissive. Okay.
So
that was several weeks in a row of
bringing them something home. And I asked the
other day, the la the last appointment. I
was like, do you want something? You're like,
no. I don't want anything. And you looked
at me like I had 3 heads.
Well, because I don't like to go get
something for myself
and not bring you something.
I I know. I really don't like it.
But I really wanted like, this is what
he told me to do. And hello, this
is how we operate. So okay. So we're
in the car, and we're going to race
track or whatever. The youngest is like, get
him something anyway. Get him something anyway. It
was I was like, how do I explain
this without going, well, he's my daddy. I
was like I said, consent matters. He said
specifically when I asked 3 times,
you know, are you sure? Are you sure?
I don't want anything. I said, he would
probably not be happy if I just disregarded
what he said. I said, because we are
not the people who say, no. I don't
want anything when we really wanted something.
Right. Right. We don't live that long. Because
I I even gave you the answer as
to why
I didn't want anything. Yep.
Yeah. And I know, and I I know
it's a funny thing on the relationships
side of the algorithm
where,
in in typically cishet relationships,
the the woman will go, no. I don't
want anything when the the husband or the
boyfriend's going to get himself something to eat
and he damn well better bring her something
anyway.
I've tried to live that life, and I've
just mostly been disappointed.
It's much easier if I just fucking tell
you that I want something. Right. Right. Right.
Why why why play the games? But, you
know, that is also something that I
I figured out for myself
over the course of a long term relationship.
It does no good to play those games
and to make you guess what I want
when it is much simpler to just fucking
tell you. And I y'all, I will say
to him, I I really would like a
treat, but I don't know what I want,
or
I'd like you to get me something. I'll
I'll say that, but, yeah, we don't do
this. No. No. You should just know bullshit.
Like, no.
So before we move on to the the
downside
of old relationship energy, is there anything else
you would like to that's come up to
mind for you? Nope.
Okay.
Let's let's get to the cons, the negatives.
The downside of Right. And I think all
of these run together because if you have
one, you have all of these. Mhmm. To
ruts, stagnancy, and complacency.
Mhmm. It's because, oh, I know or we've
been or Yeah. And it's easy to put
yourself on autopilot
and just do what you've done every day
without looking up and going, can we do
something a little different? Mhmm.
Yeah.
So what do you have to say about
that?
It's all negative.
That is so helpful.
Did y'all catch that out there? Does that
Write write that down.
Take that back to your partner and talk
about it. One of them JB said.
Oh my god.
No. It's,
you know,
ruts,
especially,
I think they are
evil.
Oh my god. Because because they creep up
on you. They do. You don't know you're
anyone You you
don't realize
it until you are are deeply mired in
them. And usually it's when you look up
one day and you're miserable. Yeah. Why the
hell am I I like you. I wanna
be with you. Why am I miserable?
Yeah. Mhmm. Mhmm. So, you know yeah. That
they they, you know, rut ruts are these
these insidious things that just kinda creep in
on you. And they
they are very easy to get into. I
know for us,
there's lots of ways and reasons for ruts.
But what I've noticed for us, it's two
things. 1,
we love a routine.
We like, there's it's comforting to just know
what you need to do. Yeah. And I'm
I live and die by a routine happily,
but a routine can become a rut Yeah.
When
there were opportunities
for other things that you also enjoy.
But it's like, no. Head down. Do the
routine. Ignore these opportunities.
And then
shit. The train derailed.
Shit. I had a thought and I bet
it was even brilliant.
No.
Mhmm. Mm-mm.
Mm-mm. Fuck. I I lost it.
Bratz? Nope. I lost it. Go ahead. Keep
going. Keep going. I've lost it. I don't
know where I'm going either.
You know, stagnancy,
yeah, that that's another one. That that happens.
You know, things just kinda come to a
halt.
We and, you know It goes along with
a rut. If you are in a rut,
everything is stagnant. You know? You're not looking
for opportunities to do things that you wanna
be doing. You,
you know or you're not seeing the opportunities
when they present themselves.
Like, when we
when we still had child free time Mhmm.
Here's how I knew we were in a
rut. We would have child free time. We
could we're in a place where we can
make as much fucking noise as we wanted,
and we just sat our asses on the
couch. Yep. But then 2 days later, we'll
complain that we don't get enough fuckery.
That seems like a problem.
Like, it's like you're not even paying attention
to your own life. Now I think that
was the thing I was gonna say is
but about ruts. Yes. We are we're
routine loving folks. And it is it is
a source of comfort. It it eases my
anxiety. I I love a routine. But the
other thing is life will life, and you
will go through a phase in life where
you don't have a choice but to kinda
do the same thing sort of over and
over again, day in, day out, because you're
trying to survive this moment in life. It's
something stressful with work. It's something stressful with
a kid. It's your health. It's a this.
It's a that. And so everything else just
kinda has to go by the wayside, and
you just you figure out what you have
to do
to get through day to day to
just manage
everything around you, juggling whatever, because of the
thing that's happening. And what happens
is that
issue will dissipate or it'll resolve or in
some way, it's not as bad and as
stressful as it once was,
but you don't look up enough to go,
oh, wait. I don't have to keep doing
it this way anymore. I can
go, hey. Can we do something more with
kink? Hey.
I have missed you. Can we connect with
our power? You know? Mhmm. And that's
that's the insidiousness
of the rep because sometimes it's it's it
doesn't start out as a bad thing. It's
it's a necessity. Right.
It's a comfort. It's just,
you know, it's just what you do Mhmm.
To to manage your life. And then there
comes that point where you're like Yeah. Oh,
I've I've not been paying attention to anything
but
this routine, this rut that we're now in.
And and
they are very,
you know,
ruts
very close to complacency
that you have on Oh, yeah. You know,
I mean, complacency,
you know, a little bit different. You know,
you you kinda think, well, you know, everything's
going really well. Just let just let it
let it ride. Let it let it Ride.
Let it slide. The boat. Yeah. Don't talk
about anything new. Mhmm.
What's on the negative end of complacency, there's
a what's the point kind of feeling. Because
sometimes things have been happening, and you're like,
I can't do any of this fun stuff
or this kinky stuff or add anything to
the power change because of whatever life is
doing. And you go, well, what's the point?
Well, and then you stay there
when whatever life is doing is no longer
interfering quite too much. The other side of
complacency is this feels good. I'm I'm used
to this, I'm comfortable. Yeah. The downside to
the being comfortable in old relationship energy
is complacency. Yes. It's the, well, why change
anything when
this is working?
It you know, am I excited about it?
No. Am I you know, we having as
much fuckery as we'd like? No. Are we
connecting in our dynamic?
No. But it's not the worst thing ever.
And I y'all, I'm not
I'm not,
like, pointing a finger at you and going,
that sucks. You should do it. This is
us. We have
have been there, are there sometimes even now.
Yeah. Like, we
2 days ago?
Earlier this week the weekend what is time?
I don't know.
We found ourselves out on the back patio
while JB,
we call it
elevating.
And if you know, you know.
He's out there, back there, and we're I
haven't gone out there to
sit with you in 8 days. Am. And
then we end up
talking about a variety of things. None of
them were at the point that they were
so urgent. We were like, we have to
make time. We have to talk to this.
Yeah. It was more of a a stuff
that had kinda just been simmering. Mhmm. That
we were we were fine, but we weren't
great. Like, if you can if you can
be great, why settle for fine? Right? Like,
if great's an option. Right? And we were
out there for, like, an hour. Oh, yeah.
Talked about a range of topics.
Got some stuff settled that we didn't even
know we needed I didn't. Yeah. We needed
to settle. But for me, I walk back
in feeling so much more connected. Like, I
didn't even the the complacency part is you'll
there will be a disconnect and you won't
even realize it. You know you know why?
Sometimes. I I think
because
if we're in the office,
one of our both of us are doing
something. Mhmm.
If we
go
sit in the living room,
that is kind of a signal we both
tend to disconnect. Yeah. We're decompressing. We're just
We're decompressing and and, you
know,
just letting everything
ride,
you know, and
to sit outside on the back patio,
you know, it's it's like a neutral space.
So it's disruptor to the routine, the rut
of this is what we do. We go
from for me, I go from office Mhmm.
To living room. Yeah. You know? Right. That's
how my day progresses. Mhmm. You go you
go shed,
office, living room. Yeah. And by the time
we're both even sitting there yeah. And so,
yeah, we have to disrupt that routine that's
become a rut. Right. And then and then
it's fresh again. And for
the nice thing about old relationship energy is
because there's there are surprises, but they're
not left, right, and center. Like, it's an
occasional surprise. So what it meet what that
means
is when we find ourselves in a new
space, we've disrupted the routine
even slightly,
it feels refreshing.
Mhmm. Like, it feels new and a little
exciting because it's a little different. But it's
still
there's still the comfort of, oh, yeah. We
do this. Right? We sit and we fucking
talk about
everything. Yeah. You know, deep stuff,
not so deep stuff. Mhmm. We solve the
world's problems. Yeah. You know,
whatever.
And even though it is a thing we
have done
at different times over
literal years, when you when you haven't done
it in a while and you you do
it again and you go, oh, yeah. That's
right. This is really nice.
Surprise is too strong of a word, but
it's such a pleasant feeling. I like, I
that was a point where I did not
even realize that we were had been kind
of disconnected from one another until I felt
the connection again.
And that's the downside of complacency and stagnancy
and ruts is you don't feel it
until something happens. Either a big bad thing
and now you've gotta blow up and you're
like, who are we and why why are
we fighting like this?
Or you get a reminder of what it
can be like at its best, and it's
like Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Normally, we've because we've had this happen a
few times over the years. Normally, what I
do is I go, okay. How can we
get more of this? How can we how
can we get out of our way? Right
now, I was like, oh, that was
nice. The next day
but you know what? The the feeling of
connection
is not just a a momentary feeling. It
we have talked better with one another
Since then, we've, you know, we've been more
present with one
another. We've been more in tune with one
another. That's a nice thing about old relationship
energy.
When it's a
happy, healthy, power exchange relationship, we tend to
be very in tune with one because we
are paying attention to each other. And it's
not just, when things are bad, but it's
a when things are good and or neutral.
Well, you know, and and I'll admit, you
know, I've had my
moments,
you know, like,
talked a few weeks ago and
how I went through and started deleting apps
off of my phone. Mhmm.
I went through and I did a major
purge on my phone, got rid of everything.
I kept what? Two games and a coloring
app coloring book app that I enjoy.
But, you know, games, everything,
any frivolous, unnecessary
app, gone.
And
my goal has been to start
spending less time on my phone Mhmm. And
being more present. Mhmm. I I have gotten
I had gotten into
that rut Mhmm. Of being on my phone
in my free time. And it's one of
those things where you do it for a
sense of comfort or some dopamine or because
it was fun, and then there comes a
point where you do it because it's what
you do. And then depending on what your
algorithm feeds you, you do it because you
can't believe the shit that's going on in
the world right now. Yeah. And Yeah. It
just sucks you in. It started out as
a not necessarily bad thing and just
sucked in.
I mean, now
this was not a formal invocation of the
tough love clause, but I did kind of
use it with you at about the same
time you were telling me or I think
right before you you made the decision you
were gonna To do that. Be on your
phone. Mhmm. Because we were talking about
the state of the United States and the
upcoming election. Yeah.
And JB was basically frothing at the mouth.
And I I agreed with him completely,
but
I but I could see that it was
killing his mental health. It wasn't having serving
a purpose
to
know those things
or to
to have such
understandable,
but strong emotions about it. So I
did not sound like the good submissive I
try to be. And I went, hey,
does knowing any of that
change how you feel about
that politician?
No. Is there anything you can do about
that information to change anything for anybody?
No. No? I said, so then my question
is why do you stay stuck in that
and consume that information
when all it does is have you walk
around
pissed off with nowhere to direct that energy?
I said,
election's coming. We get to do the thing
we get to do. Yep. But
Yeah. I don't think all that anger's good
for you. And so in my mind, it
was the tough love clause. Yep. Yep. Because
that was a mental health situation instead of
a physical health situation.
Mhmm. But, you know, yeah, it was the
next day or 2 that you were like,
hey. I'm gonna I'm gonna do this. Yeah.
Yep. So yeah. Then that's the thing. Old
relationship energy is knowing when I can talk
to JB like that and when I cannot.
You cannot. This is not the moment.
Do I always get it right? Nope.
But more often than not. But when not,
you yeah. More often than not. Yeah. I
I I know you well enough to know
when or to think I know when you're
going to accept
the snarky side of my submission and when
you kinda need me to be,
like
I don't know. I don't have a good
word for the the nonsnarky
side of my submission.
It's not I'm still not meek or mild.
Demure wouldn't be right. I'm not those things.
I'm less goblin like, though. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Like I'm I'm I'm polite.
I remember I was raised southern, and my
mama gave me manners, and I was not
raised in a barn. Exactly. Right. You've got
that that southern where you can, you know,
you can do it bless your heart
and and know exactly
which meaning it Look.
I is being intended. I don't know how
to be subtle. This this face I mean,
my facial expressions are way too loud.
My eyes
when my eyes roll, they, like, rattle.
Like,
you're, doing jacks in your hand. Like, I'm
just telling you.
If you don't know what I'm thinking, either
I have it on serious lockdown because this
is not a safe place for me to
let you know Yeah. Or you're not paying
enough attention. But with somebody I'm comfortable with
oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.
Goes back to comfort. The you know?
Again, the thing that can be
the beauty of something like old relationship energy
can be the thing that harms
the relationship.
You get too comfortable, well, then you're not
growing
as an individual or together. Right? You're not
trying new things. You're not open to the
idea that that like, sometimes it's lopsided too.
Right? Like, one partner is comfortable to the
point of complacency.
The other partner is kinda had that moment
of, oh, yeah. We're kind of in a
rut. And also there's some things I'd like
to change on, things I need now that
I didn't
need before or whatever. And one partner can
easily come in and go, hey. Can we
talk about this? Can we renegotiate this? Can
we change this up? You know?
And a complacent, comfortable partner
who is just not paying enough attention
can be the the thing that holds
you both back from
finding kind of the the
new level, next level of whatever your dynamic
is gonna look like.
But, you know,
all that stuff we were talking about,
you know, the old relationship energy and and
all the different things,
and, you know,
again, with with the comfort, with the complacency,
and and the stagnant,
you know,
the I I think,
you know, all all of those things can
be
overcome. Yes. Okay? Yes. It it it absolutely
can.
Here's the crux to it, and and this
is something I've talked about before, and,
you know, you
get into that
into that comfort zone, your your your role,
and everything's just going the way it should
and, you know, just leave things be.
It comes down to the fact that change
is difficult.
Change sucks, man. Yeah. Change change can suck.
It's inevitable.
Everything's gonna change. No change. You know,
change isn't permanent, but change is. I knew
you were gonna quote that song lyric. I
don't know what song anymore. Yep. Yep. Rush.
Rush song. I should have known Rush. See?
I should have known.
I didn't trust myself.
Yeah. But, you know and and that's what
that's what you're fighting against most times to
to break out of those. Yeah. Because comfortable
can feel really fucking good. Yeah. And changes
on comfortable is scary. Even when you want
the change, there can be a discomfort. Now
some of y'all,
you are chaos goblins, and you're like, everything
has to change all the time. I'm not
uncomfortable,
and I am so happy for you. Couldn't
be me.
Even when I'm like, no. I definitely wanna
change this thing. I wanna go in a
different direction. I wanna try something new. And
we are on board with it. We're like,
yes. Yes. Yes. I
will procrastinate
on making the change because of the discomfort.
I wanna point out one more thing Okay.
That is, to me, an example of our,
experience with old relationship energy. Ruh roh.
And I'm gonna reference the live chat where
Silent was talking about what, you know, was
referencing, like, facial expressions
and napping stuff. I think I know where
this is going.
Silent said, that's when I get a quote,
you roll your eyes, but you know I'm
right.
Well, first of all, I have said that
many times. I have heard that a few
times. But here's the one
that
both frustrates the fuck out of me and
cracks me out. In the moment, I'll be
so frustrated.
Right now, I can laugh about it. This
is this is us, old relationship energy.
So,
it's a joke between the 2 of us
that I think I'm always right. I, I
tend to be, to be proven right. My
way is not the only way,
but my way does work. Right? So
there are times
JB will get
really frustrated at me to the point of,
like, seeming
angry slash annoyed
because
I disagreed,
because I said, I don't think that's the
right way, because he wants to do a
thing. And I'm like, may maybe that's not
the best. Like, I'm submissive, but I'm not
stupid. Okay? And I'm not I'm not a
a doormat. Like, I got opinions and I
don't think that'll work.
When I'm right about something that he didn't
like me being right about, he wanted to
be right and he was not right that
time.
He will admit I'm right in such
a cranky fucking tone. And I'm like, look.
You are only cranky because you know I'm
right.
You are only upset about this because you
know I said, here's how I know I'm
I'm right.
You're mad that you have to agree with
me.
That was not part of the new relationship
energy packet and intro.
Nope. I didn't get that at orientation.
This is an old relationship energy thing of
why are you pissed at me just because
I was right.
You didn't read the fine print. I'll he'll
I'll say something. He'll say something, or he'll
do something, and I'll go, wait. No.
You that's not
no. I don't think that's what you meant.
And he'll get so busy. And I'm like,
you're just mad because I'm right. You're just
mad because I'm right. You're just mad because
I'm right.
It is very frustrating in the moment.
I think for both of us, because you
are genuinely annoyed. And then I am like,
but why are you mad at me?
I didn't actually do anything
except point out that that you're wrong.
But now
outside of it,
you're laughing in a different way than I'm
laughing.
So yeah. There's a lot to old relationship
energy. It's I think it's
highly nuanced,
because
you like, I would not think of something
as
we do this because we've been together for
forever until Mhmm. Like, you know, it hits
you in the face. You're like, oh, yeah.
I probably
and a long term relationship, you've got so
many moments that you've together, so many experiences
you've had together. You cannot possibly think of
all of them to go, oh, yeah. That's
how this fits in.
And we all react and respond to things
differently. So Yeah. Your experience of it will
be vastly different than ours. But I I
do think,
the kind of the highlights we hit are
probably fairly common. I think most people can
go, I've had some experience with some version
of that. Mhmm.
Yep.
And, you know,
like you said earlier, complacency, stagnancy, rest, they're
not forever. You're not doomed to be in
that forever. It just takes
effort. Like Yeah. Sometimes real strong effort
to get yourself out of it. Out of
it. Yep. The times that we've done the
best are when we both kinda looked at
one another and went,
oh, no.
Together, we're like, no. No. No. I don't
like this. Mhmm. This ain't right. This don't
feel right. Yeah. We have, I think,
an advantage because we literally
talk about and think about the state of
our own relationship
every day Mhmm. For a living.
Most people
how can I keep my power exchange going
strong?
Run a podcast together for 9 years. I
don't know. I need to talk about it
for a living because it's it's just top
of mind for us because
to me, everything is potentially content.
So when something's going on, I'm like,
I'm dissecting it. Why did we do that,
and how did we do that, and what
does that mean?
So, you know,
we have not, like, figured out some super
secret thing to just be aware of these
things. We just live it, breathe it, eat
it, sleep it
Yeah. Work it every
moment.
Every day. I'm not sure I'd recommend that.
No.
I think we might be a little too
intense about power exchange.
So yeah. Yeah.
So
that's that on old relationship energy.
Thanks to the person who sent the question
in and referenced it. If anybody
else, like, has ever talked about it in
those kinds of terms
on any other
YouTube channel podcast,
but feel free to, like,
you know, shoot us a link because
I'd
this is not an original
thought. Like, we didn't magically come up with
something, but I
you know, a lot of information out there
about King and Power Exchange
tends to be helping you get through the
hardest part. Finding the partner and and having
them be a decent enough partner, you wanna
be with them long term and whatever that
means for you.
But there is that other side to it.
You know? And and the thing is too,
being in a DS relationship doesn't make you
exempt
from any of this.
No.
Quite frankly, I would
any flavor of any relationship can have
go experience the good and the bad of
old relationship energy. Mhmm. I think power exchange
is uniquely placed to be aware,
probably a little faster than a non kink
relationship. Yeah. Because, yes, our routines and our
tasks and our our dynamic
matter to us, and it's easy to get
stuck in a routine with that. But because
life is gonna life and fuck up your,
you know, how you get to interact with
your dynamic
more often than not,
I would imagine for most of us, we're
gonna be like, hey. I'm I miss doing
the thing I used to do in our
power exchange. We're probably gonna get that a
little bit faster
than a relationship that doesn't have that kind
structure to fall back on, that they're that
you're looking forward to that structure and you're
missing that structure.
But that is genuinely just a guess because
I don't know.
So yeah. K.
I guess that's it. Mhmm. We'll do a
bonus section. Yep.
Just a reminder,
1,
we're celebrating our 4th anniversary at the kinkery,
thekinkery.com.
And we have a sale going on right
now through October 28th, which is also our
wedding anniversary.
Use code 4 years, f o u r
four years. Save 15% off, and we're doing
restocks through the weekend, y'all. Like Oh, yeah.
Normally, when we start a sale, we did
all the restocks. Not right now. They're gonna
keep going. And then,
if you are a person who wants to,
likes to, and tries to watch the livestream,
I don't know what the time will be,
but Wednesday, October 30th, it will be an
earlier time. Mhmm. Because we're gonna go be
supportive parents. Yep.
And celebrate a birthday.
Yeah. I gotta figure out what where we're
gonna go for that. Yep.
Anyway, so, yeah, we'll we'll be done with,
like, the, the official stuff, and we'll get
into the bonus section. K. Okay. So are
we good? I don't know.
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Yes?
I told you I was gonna forget how
words
went. Really? Especially words I say all the
time. I almost forgot how to say keep
it kinky, y'all.
What? It is literally,
like, plastered all over our Etsy shop too.
Like, you buy a sticker, you get a
thing that says keep it kinky.
I put your little receipt thing in your
envelope. It says keep it kinky. And I
almost could not say the words.
I I don't know. Wow.
I am not unhappy
at all with the amount of work we've
done in the past few days, but I
I think my brain is is trying to
shut down. I think it's, like, it's given
up. It's thrown in the towel.
Mhmm. It's like I can't. No more. No
more.
That's okay. This is our busy time of
year, and I love this time of year,
so I'm not mad. No. No.
Bonus section stuff.
We're gonna go see the oldest perform next
week. We saw the oldest perform last night,
Tuesday.
Yeah.
Which is why I've been yawning through everything
to to
it was a late night, but a good
night. It was. It was. And it was
it was a good performance. It was
so I was a band geek for many
years, and then I've been a band mom
for many years. So I don't remember everything
I used to
was taught about music. But
your ear knows. And I think even if
you didn't take music for literal years on
end,
your ear knows. So
the concert was mostly good. And even the
things that made me go,
they weren't awful. It was just a
So the kid comes out. We take him
to get some some food.
And he goes, so what did you think
about the concert?
I was like, well, the last two pieces
were my favorite.
And he goes, okay. He goes, what did
you think about those first shows? I was
like, well, I wondered if y'all were having
a rough day. And he goes, we were
having a rough day. I said, okay. Okay.
I wasn't being
overly critical.
That really was rough. Okay. I was like,
you know what? We've now been to what?
6 or 7 concerts? Yeah. If they have
one rough night, it's fine. Mhmm. So Yeah.
Hey.
The living in state of Florida, speaking of
the kid, this does relate. I promise. So,
we live in the state of Florida. And
in our county, early voting started this past
Monday. Yes. But this is the 19 year
old's first election, and he is still,
the way it works, he was still in
our area to for voting. Right? Mhmm. He's
registered, but he needs to vote here.
So
we're like, okay. We have early voting over
the weekends.
We're not gonna go you know, he wants
he doesn't wanna go by himself for the
first time. We want to go with him
for his first time. That's, like, super cool
to me. So we're like, okay. So we'd
like to go early voting this week. We
would have done it on Monday. Oh, yeah.
They were waiting on him. Yeah. I was
like, so so can can you squeeze us
in on over the weekend? We'll come get
you, you know, do this thing, do whatever
else you need to do, whatever. He goes,
no. I plan on being drunk this weekend.
I was like, I don't think you're supposed
to tell your mother that. He's like, there's
multiple parties this weekend. I plan on going
to them all. I was like, well,
if you're not hungover,
call me, and I'll come get you.
I just
want to vote and be done with it,
and I don't want us to get to
election day and then be stuck in lines.
Like, I just don't want that. No. So
yeah. Yeah.
I might be getting to exercise my right
to vote this weekend. I might not.
What else is going on?
Not much. It's been working working.
You know You got to go to the
sawmill. I did. I got to go to
the sawmill, which which was always
a pleasant time,
and, came back with some good stuff that's
been obviously
restocking
restocking.
Restock. You we would have restocked more, but
you're waiting on a very important blade to
arrive. Yes.
Yeah. My my my band saw I have
been spoiled. There has been a
a a band saw maker
here in Here in town.
Here in town, and,
for as long as we've been living here,
I've been very spoiled. I just, you know,
give him a call and then the next
day I go And sometimes not even like
that afternoon. That afternoon I can go pick
up.
He does not have inventory
Mm-mm. Anymore.
Could not get him to,
you know, when is this gonna
he he would not give me,
any answers.
Mhmm.
So I had to go searching online
and, found
a place, you know, compatible, but now I
have to, you know, order and wait on
the shipping. Mhmm.
And
we're gonna get in the weeds of wood
stuff that I don't fully understand, so JB
will correct me. So
what
one of the methods we do to get
wood ready to become a paddle
is is that the planer that makes it
thinner?
Is that the is it the jointer or
the planer that makes it thinner? Well, the
jointer makes one side level. Right. I know.
And then The one that makes it thinner.
And then the one that will take it
down, yes, is the planer. It's the planer.
Mhmm. And
all of our wood goes through that at
least a little bit.
But when it's real thick and and JB
is like, I can get multiple things out
of this. Right. You don't send it through
the planer, you lose it's waste. You lose
way too much wood. So he's got these
thick pieces of wood. And at first, we
were like, okay. Just to get some inventory
and just to do a restock, we'll go
ahead and do it, and we'll we'll do
the planer and not use the band saw
to cut it in half, whatever. Mhmm. And
then we're both we're standing there in the
garage. We're covered head to toe in fucking
dust.
We're looking at this wood, and I'm going,
that's so thick. And he goes, that is
so thick.
I was like, you could get 2 paddles.
Like, not just side by side, but, like,
so instead of 2, could get 4. I'm
like Mhmm. I said, I I can't do
it. He goes, I can't do it either.
I was like, well, I guess we have
to wait for your blade to get here.
It was so sad. We were like, we're
making paddles, man. Yeah. No. We just got
some thick wood. I think everybody who likes
wood should get to have thick wood.
If you don't like wood, then who cares?
You don't but for those for those of
us who appreciate wood
Yeah. My my personal preference is thick wood.
So DSPenny asked, what do we do with
scrap pieces?
Thankfully,
the way I
I have things work, I have very few
scrap pieces.
And the little bits that do tend to
end up in in the scrap bin,
they will go into the fire pit.
At some point. Yeah, anything that can get
multiple uses out of it does, but then
there comes a point when something's just too
small, or too weird shaped, or too something.
Yeah.
But, yeah, no, I I do my best,
to utilize everything I can. Yeah. Yeah. For
sure. Yep. My favorite is
so we are both like this. So this
is not an this is not shade to
JB. I'm like this in with different things.
JB has wood fucking everywhere, y'all. There's wood
in the garage. There's wood in the shop
outside. There's wood here in the office.
And
I've been having to, like, we've been able
to squish and make room because when we
do restocks, there's just shit everywhere until we
can put it away where it goes.
And so I'm having to make room on
the top of a credenza,
and I looked down.
And we had wanted to make,
pounders, which is one of our paddles. Mhmm.
And they're fairly popular, and they're an affordable
basic paddle. They're a great basic paddle, but
it's a very specific, like,
way they get made in. So they don't
get made as quickly as other things get
made.
And I'm moving things around on the credenza.
And I looked down and there are 3
pieces of wood labeled
powder,
which that tells me knowing JB system that
these should book were supposed to become pounders.
And I know
for a fact that no new wood has
been laid on this credenza for, like, literal
months. It's been a hot minute. Yeah. So
I pulled them off because I'm like, he
clearly, he's forgotten. He does not know they're
here, or he thought they were gonna be
pounders and he's changed his mind. So I
pulled them out and I put it on
his desk.
And when he comes in, I'm like,
did you see that? And he goes, yeah.
I forgot about it. And that's the sheer
amount of wood this man has, and it
it's everywhere it needs to be. It's not
like it's sitting on our kitchen table. Actually,
plans for a wood thing are sitting on
our kitchen table. Yes.
But there is he's got it in all
these nooks and crannies.
So you just might look down sometimes and
find some wood he can make something with.
So funny.
But you walked away, and I don't know
what
I'm I'm looking for something. I well, clearly,
I don't know what to talk about without
him. Oh my
gosh.
I do. I lose my train of thought.
You are my emotional support
partner. Okay?
I can do anything if you're next to
me.
The moment you walk away though.
Nope.
We did restock one paddle that is called
the Ass Beater Junior,
because it is the smaller version of the
one we call the Ass Beater. We did
learn today that I refer to it as
the Ass Beater. That's the 18 inch one.
And Ass Beater junior, which is the 12
inch paddle. JB thinks of them as Ass
Beater senior and junior, and that was a
communication mix up. I templated the new Ass
Beater junior
in black walnut, and I templated it
incorrectly. And so it does not look like
the others.
They are.
They will work really, really well. They they
still do what they're supposed to do. They
just look slightly different. That was my project.
Yeah. But,
you know, talking about
about scraps, some of the scraps that, you
know, are too little for
for, paddles, you know, I'll I'll glue them
up and
now I've got a bowl.
This this is, maple or not maple.
Cherry? No. Not cherry. Geez. Ash.
It didn't look like ash from here. Okay.
And, Black walnut. Black walnut.
So, you know, things things like this that
I Yeah. And
typical,
creative person. He's got projects
Everywhere. Everywhere.
Everywhere.
Mhmm. Yeah. This
this is another thing I've started playing with
too with some of the Make sure you
describe it because podcast listeners can't see it.
That's right. It's it's a, smartphone stand.
Mhmm.
Just, you know, to put and
this was the very first one I made,
so it's not made totally correctly.
But, you know, that pops out and you
can move it. Actually comes apart so you
can adjust Mhmm. Depth of the stand, whether
you're gonna have your phone stand up vertically
or sit horizontally. Right. You can do the
do it upright and
Mhmm. You know, playing with things like that.
And you've been cutting out little, like, decorative
shapes
on part of it. So Yeah. That one
you're holding up to the camera, it has
oh, god. We're it's so old timey. It's
in the shape of an old receiver for
a phone. Phone receiver. Yeah. But but then
it's got the,
the bars.
And then you have some that,
you've cut out
a certain kind of leaf. Yes. For it.
Mhmm.
Yep. I see. Let me get let me
get that other one. So He started making
phone stands. He made
so he had a pop thing on the
back of his phone that was a pain
in the ass. I had a little,
like,
so it looks a little bit like a
d ring, but, like, I could hold hold
my phone and put my finger through it
and and steady my phone, or it would
prop up my phone like a stand and
it went kaput. And we were both annoyed
that we could could not just prop our
phones up when we're watching videos or whatever.
Yeah. So he made a kind of a
rudimentary stand. It was beautiful. It was made
out of scrap wood. It did the job.
Well, then the youngest was like, oh, what's
that? Well, then he got 2nd generation,
same basic design,
but with a little, like,
extra support, whatever. And now we're on 3rd
generation where you are fancy. You are cutting
shit out. These are adjustable
phone stands.
They have designs cut into them. Like Yeah.
Yeah. This this is the the other one
that I was playing with. Guitar. That's right.
I forgot about that. Guitar.
They they slide apart, so you can Which
once we get them added to your Etsy
shop, that will make shipping
easier and Yep. It should arrive in 1
piece. You know, the this it's it sits
the phone sits in there,
and you've got a hole there for the
your charging cord to come through and and
up. Mhmm.
Yep. We keep 1 on the coffee station
in the kitchen Yeah. So that if we're
in the kitchen cooking or what doing dishes,
we can plug our phone in. And that
the the power strip that we're we've everything's
plugged into, that's a fast charge. Yeah. I
can get my phone from, like, 75 to
a 100 in, like, 10 minutes. It's brand
new.
Oh, it's the outlet.
Yeah. Okay. Everything else is as old as
shit. That's why it takes a lot of
charge.
So, you know, yeah, I, you know, I
do what I can to
with the scraps to do, you know, to
use things up.
It it's tiny little stuff that gets that
makes it to the burn barrel. Yeah. Because
he's gotten to a point where he goes
to the sawmill, he can usually, within like
half an inch, assess
that's wide enough I can probably get 3
paddles out of the width of that. Yep.
Okay. I'm only gonna get 2, and then
I'll have some extra. Or, you know yeah.
Mhmm. I mean, it's
and you went to the sawmill last week,
and probably next week you'll go again. Go
again. Mhmm. It's delightful. I love it. I'm
falling in love
it. So, and and silence that if it's
so it's not on the Kinkery, it's on
the wood dom. Yes.
Weapons of Ass Destruction are all on The
Kinkery. The Kinkery. The Kinkery dot com. Mhmm.
And then anything like the the bowls and
pens and different things and eventually,
like, you know, the these little phone stands
and different things. Yes. They're
they're all on the, wood dom on Etsy.
Mhmm. And,
other than these phone stands, everything on your
Etsy shop is one of a kind. Like,
you might use the same kind of wood
and and turn the same kind of shape
or, you know Yeah. But every like, they're
not repeatable where there's if you see a
type of style of pen, there's gonna be
10 to choose from it is. You Yeah.
Get it, and once it's gone, it's gone,
unless you decide to make it again. What
I was looking for actually before that I
didn't see
was the, the bowl that I made, like
the one that I showed, but I made
the lid for it. Oh, yeah. The lid.
It's somewhere.
I don't know. Because I don't think
is it listed on the site? I think
it might be listed on the site. It
should be listed on the site. Yeah.
I don't remember.
It all runs together after a while. Yeah.
So
But,
yeah.
Alright. Take care, Teshu.
So anything else on the section?
Yeah. Kind of. Uh-oh.
Do I know about it? No. You don't.
Oh, god. Okay. He's going rogue, y'all. Yeah.
I am.
You know, I I just wanted to
urge folks to get out and and vote.
American folks. American folks. Yes. Yeah. You are
legally allowed to vote. US folks that are,
you know, a lot legally allowed to vote
here.
You know, there's there's a lot of things
going on in the country, we all all
know,
you know, I'm not going to tell you
how to vote, that that's only something you
can do,
but,
you know, I I something I read today
in in in one of the news
articles
really kinda shocked me that many people go
to,
you know, the to the to vote and,
you know, they they vote on the main,
you know, for president. Mhmm. And that's it.
And then leave everything else blank. And leave
everything else blank.
You know, there there there there's a lot
of things happening
in this country and, you know, I I
really urge everybody, you know, not just go
out and vote but, you know,
have opinions on on some of these these
amendments and different things. You were just because
Florida has a bunch of constitutional amendments Yes.
This year. And we usually the way our
constitution works, we usually do in an election
cycle. Yeah.
I know the general site for an American
to go to to see what is on
your ballot and so you can research the
the people and the things that aren't, like,
just the president. That's go to vote.org.
But what did you go to? I went
to a site that I came across,
it's called
vote411.org.
Okay. Okay. Okay?
And and it is not a a local
site.
It is,
it you put in your address
and it generates
everything
for your district. Gotcha. You know, from
federal down to local and all state
amendments
and everything. And it's vote411.org.
The number is 411. 411. Yes. Mhmm.
You know, I I,
I went there, I put in my address,
it came up and said, yep, you're
registered to vote. Oh, good! You know, it
gave me that information. You wanna know how
crazy I'd be if we got there and
they tried to tell us we weren't registered?
And and and that that website,
also
points you in the direction if you need
to register Mhmm. Where you can do that.
And by putting in my address, it gave
me everything, and I could go through everything
step by step. Yeah. Because we had been
talking about we needed to look we there
are 2 amendments that we know what we're
gonna say
yes to. Yeah. And that is,
to restore abortion rights in Florida and for
recreational marijuana use. Yeah. If you don't agree,
that's that's lovely. You don't have to. Right.
But the others, we were like, these are
mysteries. We don't even know what these amendments
are. Right. So and and what and what's
nice, you know, because we all know a
lot of times these amendments are worded that,
you know There's one that makes it sound
really wholesome, but then when you dug into
it, we were like, no. We're not saying
yes to this, but the way it's worded
Mhmm. Yes. What the fuck? And and it
gives you, you know, it tells you what
is what with these amendments. What would happen
if you voted yes? What would happen if
you voted no?
So, you know Yeah. That was really helpful
and useful. It it was. So, you know,
I I urge you folks, please get out
there,
vote, you know, have have your say in
all these matters that are going on in
our country right now. We we need we
need that. Yeah. Please. It's one of those
things where you think your single vote doesn't
matter, but if
you were not the only one who will
have that thought and if everybody who has
that thought Mhmm. Were to vote, it it
you know, one drop alone yeah. Not much.
But when it's a whole bunch altogether moving
in the same direction Mhmm. That's when hopefully
things could be different
than they currently are.
So yeah. No. I agree. Vote 411. That's
cool. I'll I may go
and look. I look. I am
anxious as fuck. We all know this. Mhmm.
We vote
we try to vote every time. I think
we missed did we vote in the primary?
No. We missed the primary this year.
I can't remember why that would what happened.
But okay. So we vote when it it
comes up and we get to vote.
Mhmm. But I was like I think I've
read too many articles about
voter suppression
and people being kicked off the voter rolls.
And I was like, I so I started
getting paranoid.
Like, somehow by some mystery
Mhmm. I have would be knocked off. Yeah.
I don't think I have been, and I
will still double check.
But if I showed up to vote and
they told me I was not listed, I
they they better they'd have to haul me
off. Yeah. I tell you, I'll be
pissed.
Mhmm. I I would stand back.
And not because I didn't care about you
I'd probably get cast. But because because I
know you'd be like the freaking Tasmanian devil,
man. You'd just be I don't lose my
shit to strangers
hardly ever,
but that would be a time. Yeah. That
would be a time. Yep.
I personally
have always
lived in very deep red parts of the
south. That's I've said this before. I hope
this does not come as some sort of
shock to anybody.
When you are one of a few little
blue dots in a deep red area, you
do get funky looks when they hand you
your ballot, though. I just smile sweetly and
make and maintain eye contact. I hate maintaining
eye contact, but if you're going to give
me side eye because there's a d on
my ballot,
I'm going to make you as uncomfortable as
you're trying to make me.
So
Yep. Yep. Hey, God. If that if the
fact that we vote, blue in Democrats surprises
anybody, I'm gonna think you you might be
new here. We do not talk about politics
very often, but we are because for us,
it's a it's
a it's a personal thing that's not what
this channel is about. Even though politics affects
every part of life, we all know that.
But we are invested in on our in
our personal life, and we are trying to
keep ourselves educated on issues and trying to
make the best decision we can make in
a 2 party system
that feels really outdated when you look around
at the rest of the world. Yeah.
So yeah.
I am absolutely a bleeding heart liberal. I
know that's not even an expression that's used
anymore, so I'm showing my age
there. I'm a tree hugging hippie liberal. Okay.
Damn hippies. I know. Yeah. Yeah. You're gonna
watch me.
So But but yeah. Do, you know,
please do, folks. Please please please do. Just
learn what's on your ballot. Yep. You know,
quit Google searches on names you don't recognize.
Mhmm. You know?
Yep.
But
So So,
Annie Annie who?
Now that now that we got up on
that soapbox Yeah. Yeah.
But,
you know, I I just felt it was,
you know I respect that.
I think for me, because politics I I
have the luxury and the privilege for politics
to be private, and that's just how I
have all I mean, it is a luxury
and it is a privilege to be able
to keep your political thoughts to yourself. Right.
I just default to that, but Mhmm.
No. Yeah. No. We,
we believe in, human rights for for all
people. Yes.
We are pro abortion.
The best conversation I ever got to have
with the oldest is when I was trying
to teach him about why he needs to
wrap it up until he's ready to be
having babies.
He we were talking about
how broke I was when I got pregnant
with him and how he was a surprise.
We were not planning on having children at
that point. And he interpreted
it as me being either living in the
south and not having access
to abortion or not knowing I had that
as an option. And I said I said,
baby, I said, I chose you because I
had that luxury. I could choose,
and I chose you. And his little face
just Lit up. It's like Yep. It's about
the choice.
Oh.
So, anyway. Yeah.
If you are shocked by where we stand,
okay, well,
welcome.
Yeah. Mhmm.
So I guess we can be done now.
I I think we're good. Yeah. Yep. Oh.
Until next week. Next week,
we get the,
we we we have some celebrating to do
next week.
Just look. Wherever we end up going to
eat, do not tell them it's my birthday.
Mhmm. Please do not tell that is a
red. That is a red. That is a
I'm throwing down all my safe words. That
is a red. Do not tell strangers that
it's my birthday.
If you decide you're going to sing at
me, just be prepared for me to cringe
a little bit. I I promise I won't
sing.
You have a great voice because it's not
you. It is me. It is absolutely a
me thing.
Please, no. I'll do it in spoken spoken
No. No. Happy birthday
to you. No.
Happy birthday. No. That's a different level of
cringe. Oh my
god. I want to still be sexually attracted
to you
the day after my birthday.
Okay?
So
I'm gonna need you
to not do that.
But it's not singing.
So anyway,
I know that you are going to try
to embarrass the shit out of me next
week.
And it's fine. What you're speaking of. It's
fine. I can handle it. It's fine.
We're on that note though,
we're gonna go. Yes.
Wait a minute. Folks.
What? I was gonna say we'll be back
next week, but you were still going.
Alright.
Good night, folks. Thank you for being here
with us. Especially to the bitter end. Right?
Yep. Where it really gets wild. Mhmm. We
will,
see y'all next time. Yep. Mhmm. Bye.