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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast,

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episode 414.

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Kayla Lourdes here with the one, the only,

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the

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I can't think of anything snarky to say.

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Wow. I know, but I love you. And

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also, insert snark here. Just assume that I'll

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come up with it at some point. John

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Brownstone.

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Also, I apparently forgot how to say our

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name, loving BDSM,

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at the the very top there. If it

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sounded weird to y'all, it felt weird in

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my mouth. I just like, my tongue tripped

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over itself. I don't know what was happening

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there.

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I don't know. I don't know what any

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of this is about, but I will tell

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you what today's

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episode is about. Okay. We are still on

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our back to basics series to talk about

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the,

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other life responsibilities,

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and issues and stuff

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that will get in the way of your

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power exchange. And a reminder that that is

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normal,

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that you are not doing d s wrong

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Mm-mm. When life gets in the way. Nope.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. You're back for another week, welcome back.

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Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for

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your kinky pleasure and education, and show notes

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are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on FetLife at

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loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically threads

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at that handle I will forever fucking hate.

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Loving d s and the number one. So

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it's at loving d s one or on

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YouTube at youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live stream

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the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in

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the show notes. Big thanks as always to

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our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our

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newest peeps.

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We're able to be weirdos on the Internet

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with a microphone, in large part because of

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our kinky patrons, and we are grateful

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for every one of you. If you'd like

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to join our kinky community and get access

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to extra content and a Discord server,

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and, like, the Saturday's live stream that we

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do once a month just for our Patreon

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members, you can do that. Just join us

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at patreon.com/

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kayla lords. That's patreon.com/kayla

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lords or use the link in the show

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notes.

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Okay. Before we get into this week's topic,

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we are sponsoring We again this week. I

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don't know. I don't know. It's not sponsorship

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because we don't pay ourselves to say this.

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This is what we do as part of

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our ability to pay our mortgage,

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but we do it. So

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we're sponsoring we again this week.

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We got new products on, like, the shops

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that we have. So,

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over the weekend, I released

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a very limited quantity of resin paddles, paddles

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made out of resin.

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And they're beautiful.

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Thank you. There there's only a few left,

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and the next drop won't be until Black

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Friday.

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So if you are curious and interested, link

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is in the places. But if you don't

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see colors you like, that's okay. I'm in

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the process of making more. It's a very

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slow process right now, so that's why the

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next drop's not till Black Friday. We've got,

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resin paddles. You restocked wood knives. You restocked

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some of our diabolical sticks. Yep.

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Yeah. So

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if you need some kink toys,

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go check out thekinkery, thekinkery.com.

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Then over on Etsy,

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our latest workbook is up and available,

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on Etsy. If you bought the kink bundle

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this year that we, promoted in September 2024,

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for anybody time traveling right now,

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that this workbook was in that. But if

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you did not, ta da, it's on our

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Etsy shop. So it basically

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is how

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we would like to answer the question we

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get a lot of. What punishments should we

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do in our power exchange? What rewards should

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we do? Because our answer is always,

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we can't tell you. It depends.

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So in this workbook, we outlined how punishments

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we from our view, should work, can work,

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the best way to go about them, and

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then we gave you worksheets for you to

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figure them out for yourself based on the

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people involved. And then the same with rewards,

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and then links to resources. So if you

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are sitting around going, how do I figure

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out punishments and rewards in your power exchange?

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We have a workbook.

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Mhmm. Link in the places.

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Yeah. I think I was gonna say something

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else to go with that.

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I I ain't got it. It's poof. It's

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already gone.

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So all that being said,

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let's get into the topic. So this is

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the last episode we're gonna do in our

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back to basics series for now.

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More topics will come up. I have a

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couple still kinda listed off to the side,

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but there's other stuff we wanna talk about

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that I wanna talk about that will be

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talked about. So we're gonna do this one

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because I didn't feel like we could finish

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up, like, this portion of the series and

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not have this one. Because this is the

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one

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that fucks people up the most.

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This is the one where

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rubber meets the road, fantasy meets reality. Mhmm.

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You negotiate your power exchange. You're hyped up

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about it, hopefully.

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You're excited to do the thing.

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Mhmm. And then

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you have to work overtime for, like, a

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month. And then

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your kids get sick and, like, life comes

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to a stop. And then

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somebody gets laid off

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and everybody's stressed.

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And the thing I noticed that a lot

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of newer kinksters do, and it can be

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new to kink or just new in your

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power exchange, they immediately blame themselves

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for not being able to maintain

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their full power exchange

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through these life stressors

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that are just occurring. And it's like, actually,

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no. This

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is the part

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of the relationship where you're gonna figure out

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how you navigate it in these moments. And

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let me just say straight up, you're not

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failing

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when life lives

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and the shit you wanna be doing,

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power exchange, kinky fuckery,

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has to take a back burner because you've

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got very real, very adult, very non kink

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responsibilities

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you have to deal with. So True.

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I'm not I don't mean to be yelling

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at y'all.

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I don't even feel

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particularly ranting, but I do feel passionate about

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this. Why? Because it's this kind of stuff

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that sort of inspired the direction of our

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entire podcast, which is this is what it's

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like to live this. Like,

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I I'm not good at talking about scenes

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and the fuckery because that's fun, but I

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like what I like and I only like

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what I like. So I can't really talk

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about it. But the, hey, I wanna call

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you daddy, but, like, my mom's in town.

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Hey, I'd like to kneel for you, but

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these knees don't kneel.

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Hey, you'd like to dom the shit out

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of me, but your depression is getting like,

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that's the reality

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of anything we do, kinkier. Otherwise, it has

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life is gonna life. It's probably what I

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should have just called this episode. See?

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What before we get into our topics, what

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would you add to my

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strongly worded non rant? I don't know what's

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happening either. I don't know if I could

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follow that up.

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I mean, you came out guns blazing on

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that one. This kinda topic, this shit's my

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jam.

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This shit's my jam because I want to

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validate the people who feel the struggle.

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I want to reassure the people who think

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they've somehow done power exchange wrong or it's

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somehow not for them because they can't live

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the fantasy of what 247 looks like.

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We call ourselves 247 y'all

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not because I do things submissively. First of

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all, I don't think I do anything submissively.

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I don't do things

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as a submissive

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every moment of the day. No. Gobblaney? I'm

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a goblin. I am not a demure submissive.

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No. I'm a goblin.

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It's because every moment of the day, no

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matter what is happening in our life, he

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is always daddy, I am always baby girl.

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He is what we call the decider, capital

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t, capital d, register trademark.

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And that doesn't change even when

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things are coming at us fast and furious

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and we can't even keep up. And the

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last time we've seen was like, I don't

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I'm not even thinking about the last time

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we had a full scene. That's too that's

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depressing. Or the last time we got to

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engage in

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the part of our power exchange that's more

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overt, where he's using the tone and giving

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me the look, and I'm I know y'all

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will be surprised by this. I'm behaving in

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a meek,

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mild way. It does happen. It really does.

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I promise.

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Because who we are to one another and

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how we navigate our relationship

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never changes. We have one caveat to that,

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and that's parenting. It's the only place where

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JB doesn't get to just decide.

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Every other part of our life, I I

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do the research. I form my own opinion.

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Mhmm. I bring it to him. Yep. Tell

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him what my opinion is, explain how I

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got to that opinion, and then leave it

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to him to decide because he's earned that

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trust. That's why to us, we're 247.

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We're not total power exchange 247 where he

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micromanages my every move. Neither of us has

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time for that.

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No.

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No. But we are always who we are.

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That is how our relationship works. For other

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people who have busy lives and life stressors,

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you might not set it up that way.

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That might not work for you, and that's

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okay too. You might have to have designated

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time when we are in this headspace.

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This is how this is gonna work for

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us. That's valid too. And then there's some

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third way that I can't think of, and

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that's that'll be fine too. So

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I'm back to lecturing, and I'm really not

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mad at any of y'all.

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I'm just this topic is my jam. So

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because this topic is my jam, and this

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is part of our back to basics series

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because this is stuff we've been talking about

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since 2015.

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For anybody who's new, yes, it's when the

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podcast started.

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I have links in the places for y'all

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to all of these topics. We have talked

268
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about them multiple times in different ways in

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different places. And everywhere I could go and

270
00:10:12,985 --> 00:10:14,924
find an old link, I did,

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so that when we hit on something and

272
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we don't spend an hour on one of

273
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these topics, we already have. You can go

274
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do a deep dive with an old episode.

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Like, I pulled a lot from our archive,

276
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y'all. Like, it's like it's it's deep in

277
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the archive. We were in the the

278
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episodes, like, 40 something

279
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and then 30 something.

280
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This is this is when we don't sound

281
00:10:38,575 --> 00:10:40,595
like we do now, so prepare yourself.

282
00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:42,674
So

283
00:10:43,669 --> 00:10:45,669
let's go through. I I pick we picked

284
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4. We sat we sat down. We have

285
00:10:47,669 --> 00:10:49,909
a little little powwow about it. A combo.

286
00:10:49,909 --> 00:10:51,209
Yeah. Right. Right. Right. So

287
00:10:52,070 --> 00:10:53,049
the first one,

288
00:10:54,230 --> 00:10:54,970
to me,

289
00:10:55,909 --> 00:10:57,829
this is one of the biggest. For others,

290
00:10:57,829 --> 00:11:00,285
this one won't apply, But it's parenting and

291
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:03,085
any other caregiving. Any other caregiving is taking

292
00:11:03,085 --> 00:11:05,085
care of 1 of your own parents, taking

293
00:11:05,085 --> 00:11:07,004
care of a sibling, taking care of a

294
00:11:07,004 --> 00:11:07,504
friend,

295
00:11:08,285 --> 00:11:10,465
having to get Taking care of each other.

296
00:11:10,524 --> 00:11:12,384
Well, there's that as well. Mhmm.

297
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:13,620
Parenting

298
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,679
is a big portion of that for many

299
00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:18,320
of us. For anybody who's like parenting, yes,

300
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,559
you can be a parent and be in

301
00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:22,660
power exchange and have a kinky relationship.

302
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,105
Absolutely, yes. It does affect how you do

303
00:11:26,164 --> 00:11:29,205
that. True. True. But But so let's let's

304
00:11:29,205 --> 00:11:30,024
talk about

305
00:11:30,884 --> 00:11:34,085
parenting and caregiving to other human beings. Mhmm.

306
00:11:34,804 --> 00:11:36,884
How how that how that gets in the

307
00:11:36,884 --> 00:11:37,705
way sometimes.

308
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:38,860
Oh.

309
00:11:39,879 --> 00:11:40,620
Oh, man.

310
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,799
From birth until they fly the nest, if

311
00:11:43,799 --> 00:11:45,419
that is an option for you.

312
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:47,500
I I was

313
00:11:49,639 --> 00:11:51,740
a caregiver for my sister. Yep.

314
00:11:53,365 --> 00:11:54,904
And then I was also

315
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,225
caregiver for my mom.

316
00:11:57,605 --> 00:11:58,105
Yep.

317
00:11:58,804 --> 00:11:59,304
And

318
00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:02,245
something like that, I can definitely throw a

319
00:12:02,245 --> 00:12:05,204
monkey wrench in DS. Yeah. It disrupts it

320
00:12:05,204 --> 00:12:07,365
disrupts all facets of your life, and power

321
00:12:07,365 --> 00:12:09,519
exchange is one of them. You know,

322
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,559
it was it was it was a difficult

323
00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:15,519
time for me. Mhmm.

324
00:12:16,139 --> 00:12:16,779
You know? And,

325
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:20,779
with, with my sister, I even came to

326
00:12:20,779 --> 00:12:21,580
you and said, look

327
00:12:22,914 --> 00:12:24,914
It happened when I asked you you came

328
00:12:24,914 --> 00:12:26,514
home from something. I think it was something

329
00:12:26,514 --> 00:12:27,875
with your sister because you're taking her to

330
00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:29,815
her appointments and chemo and stuff like that.

331
00:12:30,195 --> 00:12:32,195
And I had I had done everything I

332
00:12:32,195 --> 00:12:34,035
could. There was one decision that had to

333
00:12:34,035 --> 00:12:35,235
be made. I needed to know what he

334
00:12:35,235 --> 00:12:37,174
wanted to drink to go with his dinner.

335
00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:41,059
You never know what what the the straw

336
00:12:41,059 --> 00:12:43,059
that will break the camel's back will be.

337
00:12:43,059 --> 00:12:45,139
You never know it till it happens, and

338
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,980
that was his moment. That was the moment.

339
00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:49,059
He literally went, I cannot make a decision.

340
00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:50,279
Do not ask me.

341
00:12:50,955 --> 00:12:53,915
Okay. You're you're getting Kool Aid tonight. I

342
00:12:53,915 --> 00:12:55,934
don't know if that's what she wanted. But

343
00:12:56,634 --> 00:12:58,555
yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was I I

344
00:12:58,555 --> 00:12:59,055
was

345
00:12:59,595 --> 00:13:01,675
I was trying to keep things normal, air

346
00:13:01,675 --> 00:13:04,080
quote back You were. In hopes that that

347
00:13:04,639 --> 00:13:06,820
that feeling would help you feel steady.

348
00:13:07,519 --> 00:13:09,519
And that was not what you needed, but

349
00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:10,960
it was also one of those things we

350
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:11,460
couldn't

351
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,879
you didn't quite know what you needed until

352
00:13:14,879 --> 00:13:17,120
you knew what you didn't need, until you

353
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,245
figured out this is a thing I can't

354
00:13:19,245 --> 00:13:21,004
handle. Right. And that's when we could have

355
00:13:21,004 --> 00:13:21,825
that conversation

356
00:13:22,445 --> 00:13:23,804
because in the middle of it, you were

357
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:26,125
trying to keep everything, air quote, normal. I

358
00:13:26,125 --> 00:13:28,125
was trying to keep everything, and it was

359
00:13:28,125 --> 00:13:29,404
too much. And it just got to be

360
00:13:29,404 --> 00:13:31,164
too much. I mean, you know, with with

361
00:13:31,164 --> 00:13:32,464
taking care of my sister,

362
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,370
yeah, there was a lot going on between

363
00:13:36,370 --> 00:13:39,110
taking her to to to chemo appointments, to,

364
00:13:39,169 --> 00:13:41,029
you know, CAT scans, to

365
00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:45,089
doctor appointments and and everything, and, you know,

366
00:13:45,089 --> 00:13:46,629
then making sure she was

367
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,245
okay at home, that she had the things

368
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:50,304
she needed at home.

369
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:53,024
And that her son was taken care of.

370
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,785
Yeah. Yeah. And then managing

371
00:13:55,165 --> 00:13:57,085
the emotions you were feeling over it. Yeah.

372
00:13:57,085 --> 00:14:00,870
Because and managing your family and their emotions.

373
00:14:00,870 --> 00:14:01,370
Right.

374
00:14:01,829 --> 00:14:03,129
And still dealing with

375
00:14:03,589 --> 00:14:05,350
a full day of work and Right. And

376
00:14:05,350 --> 00:14:07,230
you only had so much PTO and Right.

377
00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:09,209
You you know, where you worked,

378
00:14:09,909 --> 00:14:11,350
should this be a thing where you have

379
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,695
to ration out your PTO and people, like,

380
00:14:13,855 --> 00:14:16,554
donate their no. That should not be how

381
00:14:16,735 --> 00:14:19,215
American society works, but it is how Yeah.

382
00:14:19,294 --> 00:14:21,695
The corporate world works. Well And so you

383
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,774
were you were having to watch that. You

384
00:14:23,774 --> 00:14:25,095
were having to manage that

385
00:14:25,535 --> 00:14:26,899
I I was on top of everything I

386
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:29,460
was very grateful because, yes, with with the

387
00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:31,940
amount of appointments and everything she had, I

388
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:34,899
I was burning through my Real fast. My

389
00:14:34,899 --> 00:14:36,679
my my sick time and and PTO

390
00:14:37,139 --> 00:14:38,920
Mhmm. Like like a wildfire.

391
00:14:40,259 --> 00:14:41,480
I was very

392
00:14:43,455 --> 00:14:43,955
lucky.

393
00:14:44,815 --> 00:14:47,054
My boss at that time, she she was

394
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:47,554
wonderful.

395
00:14:50,414 --> 00:14:51,955
Without really asking me,

396
00:14:52,575 --> 00:14:53,075
she

397
00:14:53,455 --> 00:14:56,730
put me into this thing where people donate

398
00:14:57,269 --> 00:15:00,470
their Their unused PTO. Unused PTO, and,

399
00:15:02,309 --> 00:15:05,590
I was able to to continue. Right. Because

400
00:15:05,590 --> 00:15:07,750
the problem was if he had used the,

401
00:15:08,149 --> 00:15:08,649
Family

402
00:15:09,295 --> 00:15:11,615
Medical Leave Act that we have here in

403
00:15:11,615 --> 00:15:12,975
the States, he could have gotten the time

404
00:15:12,975 --> 00:15:14,335
off and kept his job, but he would

405
00:15:14,335 --> 00:15:16,415
not have been paid. Right. We we needed

406
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,014
him to be paid. Yeah. And that's the

407
00:15:18,014 --> 00:15:20,495
reality that it's not about flavor of your

408
00:15:20,495 --> 00:15:22,595
life or relationship. Right. A lot of people

409
00:15:22,894 --> 00:15:24,720
in the states face that and have to

410
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:25,700
make those decisions

411
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:26,740
about

412
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,040
I'm taking care of somebody who matters, whether

413
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,259
it's child or

414
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:31,700
family member or whatever,

415
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,279
but also I still have to go out

416
00:15:33,279 --> 00:15:35,414
and earn money. And to be doing that

417
00:15:36,294 --> 00:15:38,695
while then trying to be the best daddy

418
00:15:38,695 --> 00:15:40,934
dom he could be, like, something had to

419
00:15:40,934 --> 00:15:41,434
give.

420
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:43,815
Something had to And and that that that's

421
00:15:43,815 --> 00:15:45,274
really what it came down to,

422
00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:46,394
you know.

423
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:49,049
I had to

424
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:51,589
kind of look and see, you know, I

425
00:15:51,589 --> 00:15:52,409
I cannot

426
00:15:53,509 --> 00:15:54,009
continue

427
00:15:55,029 --> 00:15:58,629
doing everything that everybody, you know, expects of

428
00:15:58,629 --> 00:15:59,445
me Right.

429
00:16:00,004 --> 00:16:00,504
Right

430
00:16:01,125 --> 00:16:01,625
now.

431
00:16:02,245 --> 00:16:02,644
And,

432
00:16:06,644 --> 00:16:09,225
Where was I? Oh my god. It has

433
00:16:09,524 --> 00:16:12,264
to me too. You know, but, you know,

434
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:14,024
I had to kind

435
00:16:14,485 --> 00:16:14,985
of

436
00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:17,290
look and and see,

437
00:16:18,550 --> 00:16:20,090
I I guess, in a way, prioritize.

438
00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:22,470
Mhmm. And not to say that our power

439
00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:23,529
exchange isn't

440
00:16:24,870 --> 00:16:25,370
important.

441
00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:27,529
Right. It's where you have the flexibility.

442
00:16:28,285 --> 00:16:29,804
But in the in the grand scheme of

443
00:16:29,804 --> 00:16:31,485
things, it was the one thing I could

444
00:16:31,485 --> 00:16:33,165
say, okay. We need to put this on

445
00:16:33,165 --> 00:16:35,024
hold for the time being. Mhmm.

446
00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:38,205
And the way so the way our power

447
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:40,625
exchange is structured is it's very

448
00:16:41,165 --> 00:16:43,565
routine oriented. So JB does not tell me

449
00:16:43,565 --> 00:16:44,899
all the time that he has something for

450
00:16:44,899 --> 00:16:46,579
me to do. We laid out in our

451
00:16:46,579 --> 00:16:48,339
negotiation, here are the things he wants me

452
00:16:48,339 --> 00:16:51,220
to do daily, weekly as needed, and I

453
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,839
just kinda just do it. Right?

454
00:16:53,299 --> 00:16:54,740
We're only gonna talk about it if I

455
00:16:54,740 --> 00:16:56,600
can't do it or if he wants to

456
00:16:56,659 --> 00:16:58,813
amend something. Decent decisions on my own, and

457
00:16:58,813 --> 00:16:59,689
he just back me up, whatever they might

458
00:16:59,689 --> 00:17:00,565
be. He trusted me to do that. He

459
00:17:00,565 --> 00:17:02,054
knew that I was

460
00:17:02,754 --> 00:17:03,254
a

461
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:06,375
fully functioning capable adult who could Yeah.

462
00:17:06,835 --> 00:17:07,954
Run life for a little bit.

463
00:17:11,590 --> 00:17:12,930
But what it meant

464
00:17:13,390 --> 00:17:14,589
for me as a submissive was that I

465
00:17:14,589 --> 00:17:15,230
didn't stop doing the things I agreed to

466
00:17:15,230 --> 00:17:15,869
do. Could I have, I guess, but he

467
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:16,509
still wanted his morning coffee every morning. And

468
00:17:16,509 --> 00:17:18,590
how how unfair would that have been if

469
00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:19,809
I'd have been

470
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:25,144
every

471
00:17:25,605 --> 00:17:27,845
morning. And how how unfair would that have

472
00:17:27,845 --> 00:17:29,125
been if I'd have been like, oh, we're

473
00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:31,384
putting our power exchange on hold. Guess what?

474
00:17:31,765 --> 00:17:34,025
Overworked, frazzled, stressed out,

475
00:17:35,205 --> 00:17:36,724
dom of mine. You're gonna now have to

476
00:17:36,724 --> 00:17:38,900
make your own morning coffee. Like, come on.

477
00:17:39,279 --> 00:17:41,700
That would've that wouldn't have worked. Good.

478
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,660
So I was able to keep doing

479
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,039
the things I had agreed to do that

480
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,920
Correct. When I was mindful and when I

481
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,240
could focus on it, would allow me to

482
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,380
feel like

483
00:17:53,759 --> 00:17:55,304
the submissive I wanted to be. What I

484
00:17:55,304 --> 00:17:56,744
did not get during that time was a

485
00:17:56,744 --> 00:17:58,424
lot of feedback for the things that were

486
00:17:58,424 --> 00:18:01,144
done. JB's always shown gratitude. That's just his

487
00:18:01,144 --> 00:18:03,785
nature, and and we consider gratitude to be

488
00:18:03,785 --> 00:18:05,865
a really important part of power exchange. Yeah.

489
00:18:05,865 --> 00:18:07,490
So he would still thank me for stuff.

490
00:18:07,490 --> 00:18:08,309
But, you know,

491
00:18:09,490 --> 00:18:11,569
anybody who's been in power exchange knows there's

492
00:18:11,569 --> 00:18:12,630
a difference between

493
00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:15,169
the partner you care about saying thank you

494
00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:17,409
and and your dom saying thank you. Right?

495
00:18:17,409 --> 00:18:19,569
Like, it's a vibe. And if you don't

496
00:18:19,569 --> 00:18:21,009
know yet, I hope you do one day.

497
00:18:21,009 --> 00:18:23,035
It's a vibe. So I was getting, you

498
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,355
know, partner, just being grateful he had a

499
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,035
little bit of help. But I still got

500
00:18:27,035 --> 00:18:27,695
to be

501
00:18:28,075 --> 00:18:29,755
as much of a submissive as as I

502
00:18:29,755 --> 00:18:32,174
was capable of being, knowing that

503
00:18:32,634 --> 00:18:33,835
the rest of it had to be put

504
00:18:33,835 --> 00:18:34,494
on hold.

505
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:36,494
I think it's

506
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:38,840
why I tend to advocate

507
00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:41,140
I don't I'm not gonna tell anybody how

508
00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:43,059
they should set up their power exchange. But

509
00:18:43,059 --> 00:18:45,140
if I could give you, like, something to

510
00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:48,119
consider, even if you're not a service sub,

511
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,820
is finding things that you can do as

512
00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:52,585
a submissive that do not require

513
00:18:53,125 --> 00:18:55,125
direct input from your DOM day to day.

514
00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:56,664
You negotiate it upfront.

515
00:18:57,045 --> 00:18:59,045
You'll have to renegotiate if something and life

516
00:18:59,045 --> 00:19:01,225
changes. But you know you're doing

517
00:19:01,845 --> 00:19:02,164
in

518
00:19:04,599 --> 00:19:05,640
oh, there was a word I wanted, but

519
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,480
you're doing it for your relate in service

520
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,480
of your relationship. You know, you're doing it

521
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,960
because you're submissive, because it was already agreed

522
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:12,460
upon.

523
00:19:12,839 --> 00:19:15,000
You'll figure out ways to remember for yourself

524
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,839
if necessary, which that can be a tough

525
00:19:16,839 --> 00:19:17,339
part.

526
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:21,345
Because what it allows is for if you,

527
00:19:21,345 --> 00:19:22,005
the submissive,

528
00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:24,945
are mostly okay and it's your dom who's

529
00:19:24,945 --> 00:19:27,424
going through something, you still have something to

530
00:19:27,424 --> 00:19:29,505
hold on to. Right? You still have little

531
00:19:29,505 --> 00:19:31,424
things that Mhmm. It's not the full package

532
00:19:31,424 --> 00:19:32,565
and it's not enough,

533
00:19:33,420 --> 00:19:35,900
but it's something instead of a, you know,

534
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,000
turn like, turning off a faucet. Mhmm.

535
00:19:38,860 --> 00:19:40,380
I think the one thing we did not

536
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,259
stop doing, I

537
00:19:42,059 --> 00:19:42,960
we the

538
00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:45,119
energy was different,

539
00:19:45,420 --> 00:19:47,420
but I still did the ask permission to

540
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,065
go to bed thing. Yes. I still showed

541
00:19:49,065 --> 00:19:51,265
you my ass and you still rubbed it

542
00:19:51,265 --> 00:19:53,265
or smacked it depending on the mood. Mhmm.

543
00:19:53,424 --> 00:19:55,345
So we did still have that. Yeah. That

544
00:19:55,345 --> 00:19:57,424
that never really went away. The energy would

545
00:19:57,424 --> 00:19:59,524
be different depending on the day. True.

546
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:02,359
But and those small routines, I think, make

547
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:04,519
a big difference too. Yeah. Because if it's

548
00:20:04,519 --> 00:20:06,619
something you can manage during,

549
00:20:07,799 --> 00:20:09,960
a stressful time, especially if that stressful time

550
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:10,700
is temporary,

551
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,440
then again, you still have a point of

552
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,659
connection. You know?

553
00:20:16,279 --> 00:20:16,779
Parenting,

554
00:20:17,615 --> 00:20:19,535
The side where you've got children and their

555
00:20:19,535 --> 00:20:22,035
very own unique individual needs. From

556
00:20:22,494 --> 00:20:24,095
babies I'm very glad I never tried to

557
00:20:24,095 --> 00:20:25,875
do power exchange with babies. I

558
00:20:26,735 --> 00:20:28,494
I don't know what that's like, so I

559
00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:31,394
cannot give offer any advice on that.

560
00:20:31,695 --> 00:20:33,529
But I from the age of

561
00:20:34,230 --> 00:20:34,730
4

562
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:38,390
to now, the oldest is 19, youngest is

563
00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:39,769
15. Oh my god.

564
00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:42,490
They're crying up.

565
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:44,890
That's a whole vibe. Because sometimes,

566
00:20:45,990 --> 00:20:47,750
you're just going along. You find ways to,

567
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:50,404
like, keep your power change, like, subtle so

568
00:20:50,404 --> 00:20:52,105
the kids aren't clocking anything.

569
00:20:52,725 --> 00:20:54,025
But you're thinking about,

570
00:20:54,565 --> 00:20:56,565
can I play in this house with paper

571
00:20:56,565 --> 00:20:58,904
thin walls? We had that experience. Mhmm.

572
00:20:59,285 --> 00:20:59,785
Can

573
00:21:00,244 --> 00:21:02,619
you know, a kid is sick. They're up

574
00:21:02,619 --> 00:21:03,759
and down all night.

575
00:21:04,299 --> 00:21:05,819
One of you is going to take care

576
00:21:05,819 --> 00:21:07,740
of them. Okay. Well, then whatever your nightly

577
00:21:07,740 --> 00:21:10,079
routine is, throw that out the window. Right?

578
00:21:11,259 --> 00:21:12,240
We have gone

579
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,919
through the past year, stuff with the youngest

580
00:21:16,059 --> 00:21:19,065
where his mental health was fucked, his physical

581
00:21:19,065 --> 00:21:21,304
health was fucked. We changed the way he

582
00:21:21,304 --> 00:21:23,224
does school. We changed everything about his life

583
00:21:23,224 --> 00:21:24,345
just to get him to a place where

584
00:21:24,345 --> 00:21:26,184
he could be healthy again. Knock on wood.

585
00:21:26,184 --> 00:21:27,404
He seems to be there.

586
00:21:27,785 --> 00:21:28,285
But

587
00:21:28,744 --> 00:21:31,244
if you think I had the brain power

588
00:21:31,304 --> 00:21:31,964
to be

589
00:21:32,505 --> 00:21:34,089
the subbiest, submissive

590
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,250
JVs ever known

591
00:21:36,710 --> 00:21:39,509
in that time. Um-mm. Because the priority was

592
00:21:39,509 --> 00:21:40,329
on being the

593
00:21:41,829 --> 00:21:43,589
was focused on the kid. And that was

594
00:21:43,589 --> 00:21:45,525
both of us, but I'm the default parent.

595
00:21:45,525 --> 00:21:47,384
So a lot of the day to day

596
00:21:47,845 --> 00:21:50,285
medical stuff, health stuff, school stuff to you.

597
00:21:50,484 --> 00:21:52,984
That was me. And that meant there wasn't

598
00:21:53,125 --> 00:21:54,825
as much energy to give

599
00:21:55,205 --> 00:21:57,845
to certainly not to play. Although, I am

600
00:21:57,845 --> 00:21:59,785
a person who does get a lot of

601
00:22:00,730 --> 00:22:03,389
stress relief and tension relief from impact play.

602
00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:05,769
So no matter how tired I am, I

603
00:22:05,769 --> 00:22:07,450
can be down for even 10 minutes of

604
00:22:07,450 --> 00:22:09,450
it because I know I'm gonna feel better

605
00:22:09,450 --> 00:22:09,950
afterwards.

606
00:22:11,849 --> 00:22:12,349
But,

607
00:22:13,049 --> 00:22:14,945
you know, the rest of it the rest

608
00:22:14,945 --> 00:22:16,305
of it's hard. You know? The rest of

609
00:22:16,305 --> 00:22:18,465
it is if you're running back and forth

610
00:22:18,465 --> 00:22:19,984
with a kid to all these appointments, well,

611
00:22:19,984 --> 00:22:21,184
guess what I'm not doing in the middle

612
00:22:21,184 --> 00:22:23,265
of the day? Whatever my routine is as

613
00:22:23,265 --> 00:22:25,265
JB's submissive. Right? He'll have to do it

614
00:22:25,265 --> 00:22:27,045
for himself or it'll have to wait.

615
00:22:27,660 --> 00:22:28,320
And then

616
00:22:28,860 --> 00:22:30,880
being a good partner that he is,

617
00:22:31,740 --> 00:22:34,460
if I was exhausted from just all of

618
00:22:34,460 --> 00:22:34,960
it,

619
00:22:35,340 --> 00:22:37,019
he would be like, no. You're not gonna

620
00:22:37,019 --> 00:22:38,619
do this thing you normally do. Go sit

621
00:22:38,619 --> 00:22:40,380
your ass on the couch. I'll handle it,

622
00:22:40,380 --> 00:22:42,799
you know. Because yeah. You know, the the

623
00:22:43,535 --> 00:22:45,615
the shoe drops on your foot. Mhmm. You

624
00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:46,115
know?

625
00:22:46,575 --> 00:22:47,075
And

626
00:22:47,775 --> 00:22:48,994
it it's not just

627
00:22:50,414 --> 00:22:51,794
big d's that have,

628
00:22:52,575 --> 00:22:54,115
you know, life things happen.

629
00:22:55,099 --> 00:22:56,859
So, you know, even with you. Yeah. I

630
00:22:56,859 --> 00:22:58,940
mean, you know, when when the youngest last

631
00:22:58,940 --> 00:23:00,080
year was going through

632
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:03,019
a lot of health issues, you know, we,

633
00:23:05,019 --> 00:23:06,940
there were certain times I had to say

634
00:23:06,940 --> 00:23:09,044
to you, you know, like, no. You know,

635
00:23:09,044 --> 00:23:11,365
don't don't worry about that. You have other

636
00:23:11,365 --> 00:23:13,704
things going on right now. Mhmm.

637
00:23:14,085 --> 00:23:14,404
And,

638
00:23:15,204 --> 00:23:16,884
you know, you you need to be able

639
00:23:16,884 --> 00:23:18,264
to to do that.

640
00:23:18,964 --> 00:23:20,804
Right. And you need to know that it's

641
00:23:20,804 --> 00:23:22,839
normal when you have to do that. Like,

642
00:23:22,839 --> 00:23:24,679
it's not let me just say it again.

643
00:23:24,679 --> 00:23:27,240
You are not failing in power exchange. You

644
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,400
are living a life, and some things will

645
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,720
just take priority at times. And that, you

646
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,880
know, I am do I do I try

647
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,724
to imagine a life where I do not

648
00:23:35,724 --> 00:23:37,825
have children living in this house? They have

649
00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:39,884
they're they're launched into the world in their

650
00:23:39,884 --> 00:23:42,044
own way, whatever that's gonna look like, and

651
00:23:42,044 --> 00:23:43,984
we could just wander around this house naked?

652
00:23:44,204 --> 00:23:46,444
Yeah. Yeah. I do have that in that

653
00:23:46,444 --> 00:23:48,900
vision in my head. But I also know

654
00:23:49,059 --> 00:23:51,299
that even when that happens, something's gonna come

655
00:23:51,299 --> 00:23:53,700
up in life. There's gonna be something. Right?

656
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:56,279
There always is. There always is. Yeah. So,

657
00:23:57,059 --> 00:23:59,080
I mean, I will cling to my fantasy

658
00:24:00,259 --> 00:24:01,940
of being an empty nester. Look. I know

659
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:03,220
what I'll do if the day ever comes

660
00:24:03,220 --> 00:24:04,414
I get to be an empty nester. I

661
00:24:04,414 --> 00:24:05,875
will cry my eyes out.

662
00:24:06,255 --> 00:24:09,454
It'll be ugly tears, snot bubbles. It'll be

663
00:24:09,454 --> 00:24:09,954
pitiful.

664
00:24:10,575 --> 00:24:12,494
Okay? Because I know how I cried when

665
00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:13,454
I left my oldest,

666
00:24:13,934 --> 00:24:16,974
his apartment at college. Like, I know. But

667
00:24:16,974 --> 00:24:19,470
then when I, like, pull myself together, then

668
00:24:19,470 --> 00:24:20,910
I'll be like, oh, we can get naked

669
00:24:20,910 --> 00:24:22,289
now. This is delightful.

670
00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:23,329
Please

671
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:25,950
hit me in nearly every room in this

672
00:24:25,950 --> 00:24:28,109
house because we haven't done that. We have

673
00:24:28,109 --> 00:24:30,529
not No. When the house was still empty

674
00:24:30,670 --> 00:24:32,529
before we moved in, I think

675
00:24:32,924 --> 00:24:34,605
I think you did, like, you know, chase

676
00:24:34,605 --> 00:24:35,965
me around the house a little bit. Yeah.

677
00:24:35,965 --> 00:24:38,445
But it's, you know Yeah. That's been several

678
00:24:38,445 --> 00:24:40,144
years ago now. But but, you know,

679
00:24:40,445 --> 00:24:42,384
in in thinking about this, when

680
00:24:43,005 --> 00:24:44,545
both times when we,

681
00:24:47,549 --> 00:24:49,329
bought the condo Mhmm.

682
00:24:49,869 --> 00:24:53,169
And and again when we bought this house,

683
00:24:55,789 --> 00:24:57,089
we looked at

684
00:24:58,029 --> 00:24:59,009
certain things,

685
00:25:00,509 --> 00:25:01,009
okay,

686
00:25:01,484 --> 00:25:02,785
how they played into

687
00:25:04,125 --> 00:25:06,525
our our kink lives, our BDSM lives. You

688
00:25:06,525 --> 00:25:08,444
know, one of one of the must haves

689
00:25:08,444 --> 00:25:09,184
that we,

690
00:25:10,285 --> 00:25:12,365
you know, meant to the talk with the

691
00:25:12,365 --> 00:25:14,125
realtor and they were like, you know, what's

692
00:25:14,125 --> 00:25:15,484
one of your, you know, what are some

693
00:25:15,484 --> 00:25:17,130
of your must haves that you can't do

694
00:25:17,130 --> 00:25:17,630
without?

695
00:25:18,570 --> 00:25:21,130
Split plan. Bedroom's gotta be on opposite ends

696
00:25:21,130 --> 00:25:23,769
of the house. Yep. Y'all, both when we

697
00:25:23,769 --> 00:25:25,529
bought the condo and then when we bought

698
00:25:25,529 --> 00:25:26,190
this house,

699
00:25:27,369 --> 00:25:28,750
part of the the

700
00:25:29,609 --> 00:25:32,095
viewing or showing or whatever it's called, one

701
00:25:32,095 --> 00:25:33,454
of us stood in what would have been

702
00:25:33,454 --> 00:25:35,534
a kid's bedroom, and the other one stood

703
00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:37,294
in what would be our bedroom. And even

704
00:25:37,294 --> 00:25:37,794
empty,

705
00:25:38,174 --> 00:25:38,914
we got

706
00:25:39,294 --> 00:25:40,894
as loud as we thought we would probably

707
00:25:40,894 --> 00:25:43,375
get while scening Mhmm. To see how well

708
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:45,789
we could could hear the other one. Yeah.

709
00:25:45,789 --> 00:25:48,049
That was part of the buying process. Right.

710
00:25:48,509 --> 00:25:51,549
The the worst year was when we rented

711
00:25:51,549 --> 00:25:52,450
before thought.

712
00:25:52,750 --> 00:25:53,250
And

713
00:25:53,630 --> 00:25:54,829
we'd had to take what we could get

714
00:25:54,829 --> 00:25:56,269
that was within our budget, that was in

715
00:25:56,269 --> 00:25:57,484
the district we wanted to be in. Like,

716
00:25:57,484 --> 00:25:58,684
we just didn't have a lot of choice.

717
00:25:58,684 --> 00:26:00,204
And when you're renting, I I get it.

718
00:26:00,204 --> 00:26:02,365
You don't always have Have that choice. Yeah.

719
00:26:02,524 --> 00:26:03,825
Kinds of choices. Right.

720
00:26:04,365 --> 00:26:06,284
And, yeah, we were in our bedroom and

721
00:26:06,284 --> 00:26:08,524
right across the hall through paper thin walls

722
00:26:08,524 --> 00:26:11,244
and all the heated walls. Those walls were

723
00:26:11,244 --> 00:26:12,299
fanning. So sad.

724
00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:14,539
I mean, one of the boys were were

725
00:26:14,539 --> 00:26:16,539
in their room and they sneezed. You could

726
00:26:16,539 --> 00:26:17,980
hear it. With the all the doors closed.

727
00:26:17,980 --> 00:26:19,740
With the doors shut. Yeah. So, yeah, we

728
00:26:19,740 --> 00:26:20,640
learned to

729
00:26:20,940 --> 00:26:23,019
what when we had the luxury, we we

730
00:26:23,019 --> 00:26:25,440
played when the kids weren't home or we,

731
00:26:26,265 --> 00:26:29,065
would go somewhere else to play. And Mhmm.

732
00:26:29,065 --> 00:26:31,305
But yeah. Like, I think anybody who is

733
00:26:31,305 --> 00:26:33,384
a parent already gets it. Like, you just

734
00:26:33,384 --> 00:26:35,945
know. You you know from before they're born,

735
00:26:35,945 --> 00:26:37,705
you know from the moment they're born. Your

736
00:26:37,705 --> 00:26:40,240
life is completely altered. Right? Like, nothing is

737
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:41,299
quite the same anymore.

738
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,180
But, you know, I think it's easy to

739
00:26:44,799 --> 00:26:46,559
feel like maybe you're doing power exchange wrong.

740
00:26:46,559 --> 00:26:49,119
You're not. To feel like you'll never get

741
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:51,619
it back. That's another thing with with parenting

742
00:26:51,839 --> 00:26:52,339
especially,

743
00:26:52,799 --> 00:26:55,414
because you you see this kid you've got

744
00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:57,575
and you imagine, what, a minimum of 18

745
00:26:57,575 --> 00:26:58,075
years,

746
00:26:58,775 --> 00:27:01,335
probably longer. And and what you're seeing now

747
00:27:01,335 --> 00:27:02,075
is the

748
00:27:03,335 --> 00:27:05,255
the ways that your life is impacted now

749
00:27:05,255 --> 00:27:07,095
with the age they're at now, and it

750
00:27:07,095 --> 00:27:09,089
probably feels like, oh, it'll always be this

751
00:27:09,089 --> 00:27:11,909
way. It it will not. Under most typical,

752
00:27:13,329 --> 00:27:16,049
situations, when you have a basically healthy child

753
00:27:16,049 --> 00:27:18,609
who is going to develop on some sort

754
00:27:18,609 --> 00:27:19,269
of typical

755
00:27:19,890 --> 00:27:20,390
process,

756
00:27:21,250 --> 00:27:23,009
they will get older. They will become more

757
00:27:23,009 --> 00:27:23,984
independent, and they

758
00:27:24,785 --> 00:27:26,704
probably won't wanna be around you. And so

759
00:27:26,704 --> 00:27:28,625
they might even leave the house from time

760
00:27:28,625 --> 00:27:31,105
to time. Like, it will change over time.

761
00:27:31,105 --> 00:27:32,724
It's just a matter of

762
00:27:33,105 --> 00:27:34,565
giving it time. Yeah.

763
00:27:35,424 --> 00:27:37,505
We could talk about parenting and caregiving all

764
00:27:37,505 --> 00:27:38,865
day because it is probably one of the

765
00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:40,849
things that impacts us the most. Yeah. But

766
00:27:40,849 --> 00:27:42,130
we have other things we wanna get through.

767
00:27:42,130 --> 00:27:42,630
Okay.

768
00:27:44,529 --> 00:27:45,909
So work. Yeah.

769
00:27:46,690 --> 00:27:48,450
Because very few of us in this world

770
00:27:48,450 --> 00:27:51,009
don't gotta work. Right. So You know? And,

771
00:27:51,250 --> 00:27:53,039
yeah. Work work and, work.

772
00:27:56,164 --> 00:27:58,805
Corporate job and self employment. Yeah. Yeah. It'll

773
00:27:58,805 --> 00:28:00,644
often Been on been on both ends of

774
00:28:00,644 --> 00:28:01,465
that that,

775
00:28:02,805 --> 00:28:03,625
gut scale.

776
00:28:04,164 --> 00:28:05,465
Now, you know, I

777
00:28:06,089 --> 00:28:08,990
will and Lola agrees. Yep. Yep.

778
00:28:09,529 --> 00:28:10,829
You agree. Thank you.

779
00:28:11,929 --> 00:28:13,849
You know, yeah, when I when when we

780
00:28:13,849 --> 00:28:16,569
first met, I was working an office job.

781
00:28:16,569 --> 00:28:17,069
Mhmm.

782
00:28:17,690 --> 00:28:19,544
Technically, when we first met, I was working

783
00:28:19,544 --> 00:28:20,204
an office

784
00:28:20,585 --> 00:28:23,404
job. You were too. That's that's true. Mhmm.

785
00:28:23,944 --> 00:28:25,784
You know, and at that point, I was

786
00:28:25,784 --> 00:28:27,464
I was very lucky. I had a I

787
00:28:27,464 --> 00:28:28,684
had a good boss.

788
00:28:30,744 --> 00:28:31,049
Man,

789
00:28:32,330 --> 00:28:35,049
nobody has forgotten you. No. I mean, you're

790
00:28:35,049 --> 00:28:36,410
right next to me. You're right at my

791
00:28:36,410 --> 00:28:36,910
feet.

792
00:28:38,809 --> 00:28:41,289
So anyway, you know, she she was a

793
00:28:41,289 --> 00:28:42,509
a really good boss.

794
00:28:45,115 --> 00:28:46,815
Marvelous person. I I still

795
00:28:47,515 --> 00:28:48,414
keep in touch.

796
00:28:50,474 --> 00:28:52,075
You're welcome. You keep talking. I'm so sure

797
00:28:52,075 --> 00:28:53,535
she wants to grow. See, I see.

798
00:28:53,914 --> 00:28:54,315
And,

799
00:28:55,515 --> 00:28:58,174
you know, with that, it it made for,

800
00:28:58,554 --> 00:28:59,214
you know,

801
00:29:00,099 --> 00:29:01,240
not a lot of stress.

802
00:29:01,619 --> 00:29:02,119
Now,

803
00:29:03,059 --> 00:29:04,359
when she retired

804
00:29:06,179 --> 00:29:07,960
and new person came in,

805
00:29:09,220 --> 00:29:10,759
he was totally different.

806
00:29:11,299 --> 00:29:11,984
He sulked.

807
00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:14,924
You know. And,

808
00:29:16,625 --> 00:29:18,964
he made things very very stressful.

809
00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:20,964
So, you know, it

810
00:29:21,345 --> 00:29:21,845
work

811
00:29:22,144 --> 00:29:23,204
can absolutely

812
00:29:23,984 --> 00:29:26,785
affect things because, you know, if you have

813
00:29:26,785 --> 00:29:28,820
a if you have a good boss, you

814
00:29:28,820 --> 00:29:31,320
know, you everything, you know, could be good.

815
00:29:31,700 --> 00:29:32,840
Right? You know?

816
00:29:34,259 --> 00:29:35,779
And you get on the other side of

817
00:29:35,779 --> 00:29:37,700
that bad boss, then you start throwing him

818
00:29:37,700 --> 00:29:39,700
maybe some overtime, you know, because you gotta

819
00:29:39,700 --> 00:29:41,940
do this and, you know, then, oh, you

820
00:29:41,940 --> 00:29:42,440
know,

821
00:29:43,484 --> 00:29:45,884
you gotta Your bad boss completely changed how

822
00:29:45,884 --> 00:29:48,125
you work. Like Yeah. We literally had to

823
00:29:48,125 --> 00:29:50,605
go buy a car Yeah. Because this boss

824
00:29:50,605 --> 00:29:52,684
reassigned him, even though this was not how

825
00:29:52,684 --> 00:29:54,285
he wanted to be reassigned and it was

826
00:29:54,285 --> 00:29:55,984
not the best, use of resources.

827
00:29:56,444 --> 00:29:57,930
No. Yeah. That guy sucked.

828
00:29:58,809 --> 00:29:59,210
So,

829
00:30:00,009 --> 00:30:01,930
you know, that that puts a lot of

830
00:30:01,930 --> 00:30:03,070
stress. Mhmm.

831
00:30:04,090 --> 00:30:04,590
And,

832
00:30:05,529 --> 00:30:08,430
you know, and even and and even now,

833
00:30:08,490 --> 00:30:10,190
at this point, self employed.

834
00:30:10,755 --> 00:30:12,835
That's a different kind of stress. It's not

835
00:30:12,835 --> 00:30:15,015
better, worse. It's just completely different.

836
00:30:15,474 --> 00:30:16,934
It's completely different.

837
00:30:17,315 --> 00:30:19,634
Yeah. Because, you know, everything is on your

838
00:30:19,634 --> 00:30:20,134
shoulders.

839
00:30:20,434 --> 00:30:22,195
You don't work. You don't eat. Right. I

840
00:30:22,195 --> 00:30:23,394
mean, you know what? In a way, that's

841
00:30:23,394 --> 00:30:25,319
true when you work for somebody else. Yeah.

842
00:30:25,559 --> 00:30:27,000
But assuming you know you could go to

843
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:28,700
work tomorrow and you're on the schedule,

844
00:30:29,079 --> 00:30:30,700
like, at least you're like, okay.

845
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,259
I know I'm gonna get paid.

846
00:30:33,559 --> 00:30:35,799
Self employment, it's like, if I do not

847
00:30:35,799 --> 00:30:38,625
bust my ass every moment of every day,

848
00:30:39,025 --> 00:30:39,765
will anybody

849
00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:42,464
spend their money with me? Right? Will anybody

850
00:30:42,464 --> 00:30:44,404
hire me? Will anybody whatever whatever?

851
00:30:44,944 --> 00:30:46,785
Yeah. It's I'm not gonna I'm not gonna

852
00:30:46,785 --> 00:30:47,924
play the the,

853
00:30:48,464 --> 00:30:49,904
back and forth of who's got it worse.

854
00:30:49,904 --> 00:30:51,365
No. It's all it all sucks.

855
00:30:51,744 --> 00:30:54,890
It's just different. And and, you know, it's

856
00:30:55,670 --> 00:30:58,390
it it all adds to the stress. And

857
00:30:58,390 --> 00:31:00,869
I know from our experience, being so there

858
00:31:00,869 --> 00:31:02,549
was stress when you especially when you have

859
00:31:02,549 --> 00:31:03,910
the shitty boss. There was stress when you

860
00:31:03,910 --> 00:31:05,990
had the bad boss, and it meant that

861
00:31:05,990 --> 00:31:07,269
you would come home at the end of

862
00:31:07,269 --> 00:31:08,924
the day and you couldn't always get into

863
00:31:08,924 --> 00:31:11,404
your dom headspace. No. Because you do not

864
00:31:11,404 --> 00:31:11,904
dom

865
00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:14,605
angry. No. I don't. Know you're angry, you're

866
00:31:14,605 --> 00:31:16,444
like, oh, no. We're not doing anything. Going

867
00:31:16,444 --> 00:31:18,365
there. Because, you know, he does not want

868
00:31:18,365 --> 00:31:20,684
to accidentally take something out on me that

869
00:31:20,684 --> 00:31:23,039
isn't about me in a way that neither

870
00:31:23,039 --> 00:31:24,099
of us would find

871
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:25,299
find to do.

872
00:31:27,279 --> 00:31:28,019
These days,

873
00:31:29,119 --> 00:31:30,880
it's more like and I think this is

874
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:31,940
a pretty typical

875
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,299
issue that self employed people go through. Mhmm.

876
00:31:35,964 --> 00:31:38,125
Especially when it's not like the money's you're

877
00:31:38,125 --> 00:31:40,204
not rolling in the money. But maybe even

878
00:31:40,204 --> 00:31:41,724
then, I don't know, you feel like you're

879
00:31:41,724 --> 00:31:43,724
supposed to be working all the time. Yeah.

880
00:31:43,724 --> 00:31:45,565
And in this case, we don't have a

881
00:31:45,565 --> 00:31:48,204
clear break. So, like, ideally, I would I

882
00:31:48,204 --> 00:31:50,204
often tell people, and people have told me

883
00:31:50,204 --> 00:31:51,024
they do this,

884
00:31:51,529 --> 00:31:53,289
when the work day there's a point in

885
00:31:53,289 --> 00:31:55,049
the day when the day is done, you

886
00:31:55,049 --> 00:31:57,049
come home from work. Right? And then maybe

887
00:31:57,049 --> 00:31:58,409
you go that's when you put on get

888
00:31:58,409 --> 00:32:01,069
your collar put on you. Or you,

889
00:32:01,609 --> 00:32:03,690
when your your dom gets home from work,

890
00:32:03,690 --> 00:32:05,529
that's when you present to them in a

891
00:32:05,529 --> 00:32:06,015
specific

892
00:32:06,575 --> 00:32:07,855
way. Blah blah blah. Right? And that is

893
00:32:07,855 --> 00:32:09,875
the the demarcation from

894
00:32:10,335 --> 00:32:12,335
non kink life to kink life, and it

895
00:32:12,335 --> 00:32:14,894
starts. Right? But also when you work a

896
00:32:14,894 --> 00:32:16,654
job, when you clock out and you're done,

897
00:32:16,654 --> 00:32:17,795
you're done for the day.

898
00:32:18,335 --> 00:32:19,474
Being self employed,

899
00:32:20,069 --> 00:32:22,390
we have to try to decide when we're

900
00:32:22,390 --> 00:32:24,549
done for the day. And sometimes that's easy,

901
00:32:24,549 --> 00:32:26,630
and sometimes that's not. But we also don't

902
00:32:26,630 --> 00:32:28,009
ever get a clear

903
00:32:29,029 --> 00:32:31,429
break from it. And and it's it's like,

904
00:32:31,429 --> 00:32:31,845
you know,

905
00:32:32,724 --> 00:32:33,704
because of that,

906
00:32:34,005 --> 00:32:35,525
because of the way our our work and

907
00:32:35,525 --> 00:32:36,664
our life is structured,

908
00:32:36,964 --> 00:32:39,065
you know, we don't say, okay, you know,

909
00:32:39,125 --> 00:32:40,904
we work a 9 to 5

910
00:32:41,924 --> 00:32:43,544
because we don't. Right.

911
00:32:44,244 --> 00:32:46,184
We don't even just work a set schedule.

912
00:32:46,484 --> 00:32:48,750
No. You know, I mean, like today, you

913
00:32:48,750 --> 00:32:50,210
did take half a day off.

914
00:32:50,589 --> 00:32:51,630
Man, I had to spend a lot of

915
00:32:51,630 --> 00:32:53,409
time justifying it to myself. Yeah.

916
00:32:53,710 --> 00:32:56,109
And and, you know, I I worked, I

917
00:32:56,109 --> 00:32:59,069
think it was what, around 12:31 o'clock when

918
00:32:59,069 --> 00:33:00,289
I finally came in

919
00:33:00,664 --> 00:33:02,904
from from the shop, but my day wasn't

920
00:33:02,904 --> 00:33:04,904
over. Right. You know, because then I ended

921
00:33:04,904 --> 00:33:06,345
up I had a lot of stuff to

922
00:33:06,345 --> 00:33:07,865
do around the house. I had to make

923
00:33:07,865 --> 00:33:09,704
cold brew. I had to, you know, start

924
00:33:09,704 --> 00:33:10,765
dinner for tomorrow.

925
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,519
You know, I showered. I showered. I ate.

926
00:33:14,519 --> 00:33:16,440
You know, I Right. But I mean, to

927
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,920
me, when I you know, the work part

928
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:20,700
is we're focused on

929
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,400
making the product. We're focused on marketing the

930
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,900
product. We're we're having a lot of conversations

931
00:33:26,119 --> 00:33:26,940
about finances

932
00:33:27,274 --> 00:33:28,654
and plans for the future.

933
00:33:29,115 --> 00:33:29,855
And that

934
00:33:30,554 --> 00:33:32,714
is not easy because it bleeds into your

935
00:33:32,714 --> 00:33:35,054
whole life. We make a podcast. This is

936
00:33:35,355 --> 00:33:37,515
we love it. We enjoy it. We we

937
00:33:37,515 --> 00:33:38,794
do it for the love of it, but

938
00:33:38,794 --> 00:33:41,054
also it's part of our our self employment.

939
00:33:41,115 --> 00:33:42,255
Right. And so

940
00:33:42,599 --> 00:33:45,099
we don't get to just, like, exist sometimes,

941
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,000
like, in the car going somewhere because one

942
00:33:47,079 --> 00:33:48,519
it gets quiet. One of us is gonna

943
00:33:48,519 --> 00:33:50,759
go, you know, I've been thinking about this

944
00:33:50,759 --> 00:33:54,299
product idea. You know? You know? I have

945
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:54,940
a,

946
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,400
topic that I think maybe we should do.

947
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:58,505
You know? Right?

948
00:33:58,805 --> 00:34:00,964
And and there's nothing really wrong with that,

949
00:34:00,964 --> 00:34:02,025
but it absolutely

950
00:34:02,404 --> 00:34:02,904
can

951
00:34:03,445 --> 00:34:06,424
interfere with power exchange because your focus isn't

952
00:34:06,644 --> 00:34:08,885
on the dynamic. It's on all these other

953
00:34:08,885 --> 00:34:10,739
things. And that's the point. All of these

954
00:34:10,739 --> 00:34:12,900
things we'll talk about, your focus just gets

955
00:34:12,900 --> 00:34:13,400
disrupted.

956
00:34:13,940 --> 00:34:14,840
And sometimes

957
00:34:15,140 --> 00:34:17,159
you have to you have to work hard

958
00:34:17,619 --> 00:34:18,119
to

959
00:34:18,659 --> 00:34:21,000
change that focus. Being self employed,

960
00:34:21,539 --> 00:34:23,940
during the times when we've had very serious

961
00:34:23,940 --> 00:34:25,574
conversations about finances,

962
00:34:26,114 --> 00:34:28,295
I'm okay that our focus is on

963
00:34:28,994 --> 00:34:30,914
grinding it out and doing what we gotta

964
00:34:30,914 --> 00:34:32,994
do to pay the mortgage. Yeah. But when

965
00:34:32,994 --> 00:34:35,635
those times it's not like that. It's very

966
00:34:35,635 --> 00:34:37,474
hard to turn that off and go, we

967
00:34:37,474 --> 00:34:39,940
can let work just be kind of work,

968
00:34:39,940 --> 00:34:41,320
and we don't have to, like,

969
00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:43,940
be focused on that from the time we

970
00:34:43,940 --> 00:34:44,820
wake up to the time we go to

971
00:34:44,820 --> 00:34:46,180
bed. What we need to do is set

972
00:34:46,180 --> 00:34:48,119
that down at some point in the day

973
00:34:48,180 --> 00:34:50,340
and turn to one another and focus on

974
00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:51,400
each other. Yeah.

975
00:34:52,514 --> 00:34:53,255
Most of

976
00:34:53,954 --> 00:34:55,094
the work stuff

977
00:34:56,034 --> 00:34:58,034
that I see that interferes with people's power

978
00:34:58,034 --> 00:34:58,534
exchanges

979
00:34:58,835 --> 00:35:00,135
is usually temporary.

980
00:35:00,594 --> 00:35:02,434
It's there's a big project coming up. You

981
00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:04,214
gotta lend your focus to it.

982
00:35:04,594 --> 00:35:06,619
You've temporarily got got that shitty boss who

983
00:35:06,619 --> 00:35:07,840
changed your entire, like,

984
00:35:08,619 --> 00:35:11,260
work life on you, forcing you to purchase

985
00:35:11,260 --> 00:35:12,880
a car to do the job.

986
00:35:15,099 --> 00:35:15,599
So

987
00:35:16,219 --> 00:35:17,680
you know? But and then

988
00:35:18,860 --> 00:35:20,400
depending on what you do,

989
00:35:21,144 --> 00:35:23,065
depending on the economy of where you live,

990
00:35:23,065 --> 00:35:25,484
sometimes changing jobs is an option.

991
00:35:25,864 --> 00:35:28,424
Right? Sometimes going freelance is an option, but

992
00:35:28,424 --> 00:35:30,424
that is not always an option. And you

993
00:35:30,424 --> 00:35:31,404
just have to, like,

994
00:35:31,784 --> 00:35:33,944
move through that work stressor until you get

995
00:35:33,944 --> 00:35:35,704
to the other side of it. Mhmm. I

996
00:35:35,704 --> 00:35:37,660
think it's easier when you can see the

997
00:35:37,660 --> 00:35:39,980
other side. You know that the project is

998
00:35:39,980 --> 00:35:42,380
handled in 2 months. You know that the

999
00:35:42,380 --> 00:35:45,579
overtime is only this month. You know that

1000
00:35:45,579 --> 00:35:47,660
this weird shit schedule is just for this

1001
00:35:47,660 --> 00:35:49,340
week and next week, you'll have a more

1002
00:35:49,340 --> 00:35:50,239
typical schedule.

1003
00:35:50,539 --> 00:35:51,039
And,

1004
00:35:51,394 --> 00:35:53,394
like, those times are easier because you kinda

1005
00:35:53,394 --> 00:35:55,234
just go, okay. Okay. We just let's just

1006
00:35:55,234 --> 00:35:57,714
fucking speed run this and survive it, and

1007
00:35:57,714 --> 00:35:59,714
we'll get to the other side. It's that

1008
00:35:59,714 --> 00:36:00,775
stuff that is

1009
00:36:01,155 --> 00:36:03,795
more disruptive. Like, when his job changed, the

1010
00:36:03,795 --> 00:36:05,880
time he had to leave changed, the time

1011
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:07,880
he came home changed, the amount of time

1012
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:09,239
he had during the day to talk to

1013
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:09,739
me

1014
00:36:10,119 --> 00:36:13,000
changed. Like, our whole routine had to shift

1015
00:36:13,319 --> 00:36:15,559
Yeah. Because we had built it around the

1016
00:36:15,559 --> 00:36:18,280
old position that he'd had. The old schedule.

1017
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:19,420
Yeah. Right. Mhmm.

1018
00:36:19,799 --> 00:36:20,299
So,

1019
00:36:20,984 --> 00:36:23,484
you know, sometimes those work interferences

1020
00:36:23,784 --> 00:36:25,724
do require you to go, okay.

1021
00:36:26,344 --> 00:36:28,664
How how do we do this now? Because

1022
00:36:28,664 --> 00:36:30,125
everything has changed. Yeah.

1023
00:36:30,585 --> 00:36:33,210
In long distance relationships, this is where we

1024
00:36:33,210 --> 00:36:33,710
started.

1025
00:36:35,050 --> 00:36:37,050
Be we were very fortunate that at that

1026
00:36:37,050 --> 00:36:39,530
time, we both had decent bosses and a

1027
00:36:39,530 --> 00:36:42,889
set schedule. Very rarely did it change. Right.

1028
00:36:42,889 --> 00:36:44,329
But some of the ways that work will

1029
00:36:44,329 --> 00:36:46,090
interfere with their power exchange Yeah. The only

1030
00:36:46,090 --> 00:36:48,105
the only thing that really came into in

1031
00:36:48,505 --> 00:36:48,904
that

1032
00:36:49,304 --> 00:36:51,304
threw monkey wrench into gear at that time

1033
00:36:51,304 --> 00:36:52,125
was meetings.

1034
00:36:53,065 --> 00:36:54,984
Meetings you didn't plan for. And so we

1035
00:36:54,984 --> 00:36:55,224
spent

1036
00:36:55,864 --> 00:36:57,545
some sometimes it felt like we spent a

1037
00:36:57,545 --> 00:36:59,065
lot of time just telling each other, okay,

1038
00:36:59,065 --> 00:37:00,425
I can't talk to you at our normal

1039
00:37:00,425 --> 00:37:02,284
lunch hour. I got a meeting.

1040
00:37:02,824 --> 00:37:04,550
I will talk to you later. Right?

1041
00:37:05,410 --> 00:37:06,929
And that sucks when you're long distance, when

1042
00:37:06,929 --> 00:37:08,449
you're like, but this is this is our

1043
00:37:08,449 --> 00:37:10,369
time. Mhmm. I wanna talk to you during

1044
00:37:10,369 --> 00:37:11,750
our time. Oh, we'll work.

1045
00:37:12,289 --> 00:37:13,809
Conferences. I used to go to, like, 4

1046
00:37:13,809 --> 00:37:16,369
or 5 conferences a year. And so that

1047
00:37:16,369 --> 00:37:16,869
would

1048
00:37:17,650 --> 00:37:19,910
throw our long distance routine

1049
00:37:20,904 --> 00:37:22,744
off. Those things are just a part of

1050
00:37:22,744 --> 00:37:23,244
it.

1051
00:37:23,545 --> 00:37:24,045
And

1052
00:37:24,664 --> 00:37:26,984
if you take on this feeling of we're

1053
00:37:26,984 --> 00:37:29,464
doing power exchange wrong because you don't maintain

1054
00:37:29,464 --> 00:37:30,684
your entire routine

1055
00:37:31,065 --> 00:37:33,625
through every second of that, you're you're gonna

1056
00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,670
just be miserable because that's just not how

1057
00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:37,349
this is not how life is ever gonna

1058
00:37:37,349 --> 00:37:39,750
work. You're gonna get some amount of time

1059
00:37:39,750 --> 00:37:42,329
where everything follows the schedule that you expect,

1060
00:37:42,469 --> 00:37:44,409
and you're able to kinda do the things

1061
00:37:45,030 --> 00:37:46,389
that you expect to be able to do,

1062
00:37:46,389 --> 00:37:47,130
and then

1063
00:37:47,750 --> 00:37:49,885
it's gonna get thrown off. Now some people

1064
00:37:49,885 --> 00:37:53,025
thrive on the chaos. Couldn't be me. Okay?

1065
00:37:53,404 --> 00:37:54,944
Yeah. No. I am not

1066
00:37:55,404 --> 00:37:57,565
that kind of goblet. I don't like the

1067
00:37:57,565 --> 00:37:59,184
chaos. I I have

1068
00:37:59,484 --> 00:38:00,704
the utmost respect

1069
00:38:01,699 --> 00:38:03,799
for somebody that can just

1070
00:38:04,259 --> 00:38:06,339
just just dive into a chaotic situation and

1071
00:38:06,339 --> 00:38:08,179
roll with it. I I have the utmost

1072
00:38:08,179 --> 00:38:11,059
respect because I can't. Never could. Here's what

1073
00:38:11,059 --> 00:38:12,500
I'll say. If you can, I think most

1074
00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:14,259
of the time this it won't be that

1075
00:38:14,259 --> 00:38:16,019
hard for you? But I bet eventually you're

1076
00:38:16,019 --> 00:38:18,005
gonna find the thing where it even that

1077
00:38:18,085 --> 00:38:19,545
it was too much even for you.

1078
00:38:19,845 --> 00:38:22,085
Again, you won't be failing. It'll just be

1079
00:38:22,244 --> 00:38:22,985
you just

1080
00:38:23,605 --> 00:38:26,085
gotta be more realistic about your power exchange,

1081
00:38:26,085 --> 00:38:26,825
quite frankly.

1082
00:38:27,605 --> 00:38:29,684
Let's roll work into the next one because,

1083
00:38:29,684 --> 00:38:31,960
man, they usually go hand in hand. Yep.

1084
00:38:31,980 --> 00:38:32,480
Financial

1085
00:38:32,780 --> 00:38:33,280
stress.

1086
00:38:34,699 --> 00:38:36,460
You wanna get me and JB at each

1087
00:38:36,460 --> 00:38:39,280
other's throats, like knocked down, dragged out.

1088
00:38:39,659 --> 00:38:42,079
Is this relationship going to survive?

1089
00:38:43,535 --> 00:38:45,375
Argument about money. And and you know what?

1090
00:38:45,375 --> 00:38:48,414
Money is biggest stressor for Most people. Most

1091
00:38:48,494 --> 00:38:51,775
any relationship. Mhmm. Yeah. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yep. And

1092
00:38:51,775 --> 00:38:53,954
you're contending with a lot of things. Like,

1093
00:38:54,735 --> 00:38:56,575
there have been times and we've had deep

1094
00:38:56,575 --> 00:38:59,280
conversations about this, not by yelling, but we've

1095
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:00,500
had to have deep conversations.

1096
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:01,460
JB,

1097
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,500
raised as a man in western culture,

1098
00:39:07,519 --> 00:39:08,660
sees his identity,

1099
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,599
and is he earning enough money? Is there

1100
00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:14,054
enough money? Am I providing enough? Man, we've

1101
00:39:14,054 --> 00:39:16,775
been we've been working on that. Because I'm

1102
00:39:16,775 --> 00:39:19,175
like, that is not what your manhood is

1103
00:39:19,175 --> 00:39:21,355
defined by. That is not what makes you,

1104
00:39:22,295 --> 00:39:22,795
JB.

1105
00:39:23,655 --> 00:39:25,949
We do we do not attach our our

1106
00:39:26,109 --> 00:39:28,210
inherent worth and value as a human being

1107
00:39:28,510 --> 00:39:30,109
to how much we can produce in a

1108
00:39:30,109 --> 00:39:30,609
capitalistic

1109
00:39:30,909 --> 00:39:31,409
society.

1110
00:39:32,589 --> 00:39:34,829
We're not doing that because that's not how

1111
00:39:34,829 --> 00:39:36,670
any of this ought to work. Is it

1112
00:39:36,670 --> 00:39:38,109
how some of it works? Yes. But it

1113
00:39:38,109 --> 00:39:39,014
should not work that

1114
00:39:39,574 --> 00:39:40,714
way. So, you know,

1115
00:39:41,014 --> 00:39:44,135
when we've taken financial hits, what those 2

1116
00:39:44,135 --> 00:39:45,815
chaotic years where somebody got hit by a

1117
00:39:45,815 --> 00:39:48,054
literal fucking car and everything, like, fell down

1118
00:39:48,054 --> 00:39:48,954
around our ears.

1119
00:39:49,335 --> 00:39:49,994
You know,

1120
00:39:50,454 --> 00:39:50,775
we

1121
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:53,360
you wanna talk about not being in the

1122
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:54,340
mood for fuckery.

1123
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:57,280
Have the conversation about how you're gonna pay

1124
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,119
the bills this month and then think, you

1125
00:39:59,119 --> 00:40:00,019
know what? Sure.

1126
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:02,079
I'll go lean over the bed. Why don't

1127
00:40:02,079 --> 00:40:03,680
you rub my butt a couple of times?

1128
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:05,780
Nobody's in the mood for that song.

1129
00:40:06,295 --> 00:40:08,135
If you again, if you are a chaos

1130
00:40:08,135 --> 00:40:09,815
goblin and you're like, no. No. I can

1131
00:40:09,815 --> 00:40:11,414
handle that. Make it make it bad. That

1132
00:40:11,414 --> 00:40:13,594
makes me want to get my fuckery on.

1133
00:40:13,655 --> 00:40:16,155
Yeah. I'm kinda happy for you because

1134
00:40:16,534 --> 00:40:18,074
I'm the type that's like,

1135
00:40:18,454 --> 00:40:20,460
actually, all I can do right now is

1136
00:40:20,460 --> 00:40:22,780
focus on this problem. Mhmm. How do we

1137
00:40:22,780 --> 00:40:24,380
fix this problem? How do we get how

1138
00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:26,059
do we get past it and resolve it?

1139
00:40:26,059 --> 00:40:27,900
Because this is a capitalist society, and you

1140
00:40:27,900 --> 00:40:30,079
gotta have money to fucking survive. Right?

1141
00:40:31,739 --> 00:40:33,440
But for I know for us,

1142
00:40:34,055 --> 00:40:34,555
parenting

1143
00:40:34,934 --> 00:40:36,695
was also this way, but money has been

1144
00:40:36,695 --> 00:40:39,095
the worst. We do not fight very often.

1145
00:40:39,095 --> 00:40:40,315
I think in our entire

1146
00:40:41,575 --> 00:40:44,155
nearly 12 years of knowing one another,

1147
00:40:45,095 --> 00:40:47,494
I less than a handful of times have

1148
00:40:47,494 --> 00:40:48,090
we had

1149
00:40:49,050 --> 00:40:52,349
truly bad arguments. Yeah. Of those times,

1150
00:40:53,610 --> 00:40:55,230
most of them were about money.

1151
00:40:55,610 --> 00:40:56,110
Mhmm.

1152
00:40:56,570 --> 00:40:59,150
Yep. Because that financial stress

1153
00:40:59,690 --> 00:41:02,355
typically engenders fear. Right? Am I gonna have

1154
00:41:02,355 --> 00:41:04,755
a roof over my head? Can I feed

1155
00:41:04,755 --> 00:41:05,414
my family?

1156
00:41:05,715 --> 00:41:08,135
You know, what's gonna happen to us? Right?

1157
00:41:08,195 --> 00:41:09,255
Yeah. And

1158
00:41:09,954 --> 00:41:10,695
it is

1159
00:41:11,394 --> 00:41:12,914
it is a thing that breaks a lot

1160
00:41:12,914 --> 00:41:15,715
of relationships. A lot of relationships can't survive

1161
00:41:15,715 --> 00:41:18,548
that. But if you can, if it can

1162
00:41:18,548 --> 00:41:21,382
bring you closer, that's not a bad thing.

1163
00:41:21,382 --> 00:41:24,216
No. It's not necessarily gonna bring you closer

1164
00:41:24,216 --> 00:41:27,049
in your power exchange because sometimes when JB

1165
00:41:27,049 --> 00:41:29,175
gets up in his head about

1166
00:41:30,215 --> 00:41:32,535
money, even though his fears are valid, like,

1167
00:41:32,535 --> 00:41:34,315
hell yeah. I have the same fucking fears.

1168
00:41:34,535 --> 00:41:35,755
It's my mouthy,

1169
00:41:36,295 --> 00:41:37,974
you know, bitchy self who has to go,

1170
00:41:37,974 --> 00:41:40,135
woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. No. What we're

1171
00:41:40,135 --> 00:41:42,295
not gonna do is do this. And I

1172
00:41:42,295 --> 00:41:43,114
gotta kinda

1173
00:41:43,430 --> 00:41:44,869
pull them out. Bring me in. Yeah. So

1174
00:41:44,869 --> 00:41:46,150
I think of it as an act of

1175
00:41:46,150 --> 00:41:48,329
service, but not anything I did submissively.

1176
00:41:48,710 --> 00:41:49,210
Okay?

1177
00:41:50,230 --> 00:41:50,970
Just saying.

1178
00:41:52,390 --> 00:41:53,849
I I think that maybe

1179
00:41:54,150 --> 00:41:54,650
kinda

1180
00:41:55,190 --> 00:41:57,485
walks the the fine line with the,

1181
00:42:01,325 --> 00:42:03,405
tough love. Oh, our tough love clause. Yeah.

1182
00:42:03,405 --> 00:42:05,085
Yeah. I need to add that link to

1183
00:42:05,085 --> 00:42:07,025
the places because the tough love clause

1184
00:42:07,965 --> 00:42:10,909
because all of these things will will impact

1185
00:42:11,609 --> 00:42:13,630
often both of you in different ways. Right?

1186
00:42:13,769 --> 00:42:15,690
But in many ways, it will impact one

1187
00:42:15,690 --> 00:42:17,369
of you more than the other, whether it's

1188
00:42:17,369 --> 00:42:19,210
parenting work, financial stress, and then the last

1189
00:42:19,210 --> 00:42:20,829
one will get to illness and injury.

1190
00:42:22,505 --> 00:42:23,324
And somebody,

1191
00:42:24,105 --> 00:42:26,105
the dom, is not gonna wanna take care

1192
00:42:26,105 --> 00:42:28,344
of themselves. They're gonna think that they shouldn't.

1193
00:42:28,344 --> 00:42:30,025
They're gonna think that their responsibility is to

1194
00:42:30,025 --> 00:42:32,344
you. They're gonna push themselves too hard. And,

1195
00:42:32,344 --> 00:42:33,805
man, that tough love clause?

1196
00:42:34,425 --> 00:42:36,285
The tough love clause, in short,

1197
00:42:38,630 --> 00:42:40,150
is and JB has to trust me on

1198
00:42:40,150 --> 00:42:41,769
this and I have to use this judiciously.

1199
00:42:42,469 --> 00:42:45,909
Mhmm. If JB's health is suffering and he's

1200
00:42:45,909 --> 00:42:48,549
not doing anything about it and health is

1201
00:42:48,549 --> 00:42:49,994
not just physical health. We're not just talk

1202
00:42:49,994 --> 00:42:52,165
about when you got the flu. We're talking

1203
00:42:52,165 --> 00:42:54,336
about when it's your mental health too. Like,

1204
00:42:54,336 --> 00:42:56,506
when I said, I love you. You have

1205
00:42:56,506 --> 00:42:58,677
to find a therapist. That was the tough

1206
00:42:58,677 --> 00:43:00,847
love clause. Okay? Because if you're not gonna

1207
00:43:00,847 --> 00:43:03,018
take care of yourself, I'm going to push

1208
00:43:03,018 --> 00:43:05,188
you in a way that nobody would call

1209
00:43:05,188 --> 00:43:08,099
submissive to do it. Sometimes it's me doing

1210
00:43:08,099 --> 00:43:10,739
the research going, here's the information you need.

1211
00:43:10,739 --> 00:43:12,019
You do have to make the phone call.

1212
00:43:12,019 --> 00:43:14,579
You are the legal adult here. Sometimes it's

1213
00:43:14,579 --> 00:43:16,579
me picking up the phone and making the

1214
00:43:16,579 --> 00:43:18,864
appointment for him and going, by the way,

1215
00:43:18,864 --> 00:43:20,545
you've got a dentist appointment. You've got a

1216
00:43:20,545 --> 00:43:22,244
doctor's appointment. You've got a what right?

1217
00:43:23,664 --> 00:43:26,805
Sometimes tough love clause is, in a loving

1218
00:43:26,864 --> 00:43:27,364
way,

1219
00:43:27,905 --> 00:43:29,345
telling him to get his own head out

1220
00:43:29,345 --> 00:43:30,965
up of his own ass. Yeah.

1221
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:34,000
I don't say those words, but we know

1222
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:34,980
what I mean

1223
00:43:35,359 --> 00:43:37,199
Right. When I do it. Yes. That's the

1224
00:43:37,199 --> 00:43:39,940
tough love clause. We worked that in because

1225
00:43:40,079 --> 00:43:41,839
I was enough of an adult and had

1226
00:43:41,839 --> 00:43:44,339
seen some shit and knew how I was.

1227
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,485
We're negotiating on our negotiating our relationship health?

1228
00:43:59,710 --> 00:44:02,510
And I just suggested, like, how how do

1229
00:44:02,510 --> 00:44:03,809
we make this happen?

1230
00:44:04,269 --> 00:44:06,750
And we kind of, through our conversation, worked

1231
00:44:06,750 --> 00:44:08,269
out what we call the tough love clause.

1232
00:44:08,269 --> 00:44:10,030
He was like, okay. He's like, I trust

1233
00:44:10,030 --> 00:44:10,530
you.

1234
00:44:11,070 --> 00:44:13,265
If you say that something is detrimental to

1235
00:44:13,265 --> 00:44:14,864
my health if I don't do it, I

1236
00:44:14,864 --> 00:44:16,244
will listen to you.

1237
00:44:16,785 --> 00:44:19,184
The only caveat, we gotta be respectful. Right?

1238
00:44:19,184 --> 00:44:21,105
I can't I cannot roll up like the

1239
00:44:21,105 --> 00:44:22,885
raging bitch I actually am.

1240
00:44:23,505 --> 00:44:25,664
And I and he knows me now, so

1241
00:44:25,664 --> 00:44:28,639
my tone to a an outsider probably would

1242
00:44:28,639 --> 00:44:31,039
sound a little shitty, but he knows this

1243
00:44:31,039 --> 00:44:33,280
with love. And it's it is done with

1244
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:33,780
respect.

1245
00:44:35,199 --> 00:44:37,280
But that's for financial stress. I've we've had

1246
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,375
to use it a few times. Mhmm. Because

1247
00:44:39,375 --> 00:44:41,375
he'll work himself to the bone. He'll work

1248
00:44:41,375 --> 00:44:42,434
himself to burnout.

1249
00:44:42,735 --> 00:44:45,454
I have who have I'm still recovering from

1250
00:44:45,454 --> 00:44:47,155
some burnout from several years ago.

1251
00:44:48,015 --> 00:44:49,934
I feel it more acutely, so I kinda

1252
00:44:49,934 --> 00:44:51,269
pull myself back. That's how I took my

1253
00:44:51,269 --> 00:44:52,469
half day off. I was like, no. No.

1254
00:44:52,469 --> 00:44:54,789
We cannot work or we cannot do the

1255
00:44:54,789 --> 00:44:57,769
grind thing until we burn burnout. Right?

1256
00:44:59,110 --> 00:45:01,369
That's where over the summer, I'm like, JB,

1257
00:45:01,510 --> 00:45:02,010
take

1258
00:45:02,309 --> 00:45:04,885
take Monday Friday off. Like, we can get

1259
00:45:04,885 --> 00:45:06,484
the work done in 3 days a week.

1260
00:45:06,484 --> 00:45:08,264
You can do that. We can justify that.

1261
00:45:09,204 --> 00:45:10,565
And he didn't want to. He didn't want

1262
00:45:10,565 --> 00:45:11,925
to. He didn't want to because of the

1263
00:45:11,925 --> 00:45:13,438
financial stress, but I was like, look. You're

1264
00:45:13,438 --> 00:45:13,734
barely functioning in work right now. Let's not

1265
00:45:13,734 --> 00:45:15,890
even talk about in the rest. Yeah. Yeah.

1266
00:45:15,890 --> 00:45:16,470
And, I mean,

1267
00:45:17,410 --> 00:45:17,823
financial stress will fuck you up all kinds

1268
00:45:17,823 --> 00:45:19,119
of ways. Right? It'll cause arguments.

1269
00:45:30,465 --> 00:45:32,465
It'll put a damper on the fun you've

1270
00:45:32,465 --> 00:45:34,545
been having in your power exchange. We don't

1271
00:45:34,545 --> 00:45:36,885
go to clubs. We don't go to dungeons.

1272
00:45:37,025 --> 00:45:38,085
We don't go

1273
00:45:38,945 --> 00:45:40,305
we don't go to parties because I have

1274
00:45:40,305 --> 00:45:41,744
my social anxiety. But, you know, like, we

1275
00:45:41,744 --> 00:45:43,889
don't go to these things that we used

1276
00:45:43,889 --> 00:45:45,569
to go to because that's not where we

1277
00:45:45,569 --> 00:45:47,010
get to spend our money. But it also

1278
00:45:47,010 --> 00:45:48,690
means we do not have an outlet for

1279
00:45:48,690 --> 00:45:51,409
our power exchange Right. In ways that we

1280
00:45:51,409 --> 00:45:53,429
once had. Mhmm. And so

1281
00:45:54,050 --> 00:45:55,030
that's been

1282
00:45:56,554 --> 00:45:58,875
a thing to, like, get used to and

1283
00:45:58,875 --> 00:46:00,914
go, okay. We can't do what we used

1284
00:46:00,914 --> 00:46:01,534
to do.

1285
00:46:02,074 --> 00:46:02,974
How do we

1286
00:46:03,755 --> 00:46:05,994
pivot and do something different? And we still

1287
00:46:05,994 --> 00:46:07,755
struggle with that, by the way. And and

1288
00:46:07,755 --> 00:46:09,434
that and that is a hard part, and

1289
00:46:09,434 --> 00:46:11,819
I and I think most people do struggle

1290
00:46:11,819 --> 00:46:14,219
with that. Yes. With being able to make

1291
00:46:14,219 --> 00:46:14,960
that pivot

1292
00:46:15,260 --> 00:46:16,239
because you

1293
00:46:18,299 --> 00:46:20,539
you get into that comfort zone. Yes. You

1294
00:46:20,539 --> 00:46:23,179
know, and everything's just just flowing, man, and

1295
00:46:23,179 --> 00:46:25,755
it's great and, you know, life is wonderful,

1296
00:46:25,755 --> 00:46:27,594
and I got the get the best baby

1297
00:46:27,594 --> 00:46:29,355
girl there is, and, you know, she takes

1298
00:46:29,355 --> 00:46:30,335
good care of me,

1299
00:46:30,714 --> 00:46:31,454
and then

1300
00:46:32,875 --> 00:46:33,375
nope.

1301
00:46:34,714 --> 00:46:37,150
You know, life says hold my beer. Yes.

1302
00:46:37,369 --> 00:46:39,390
And we had several years of

1303
00:46:39,690 --> 00:46:42,010
life just man, life did not have enough

1304
00:46:42,010 --> 00:46:43,369
loop for what it was doing to us.

1305
00:46:43,369 --> 00:46:44,110
No. Okay.

1306
00:46:44,650 --> 00:46:46,590
And you do go through dogging it.

1307
00:46:47,610 --> 00:46:49,934
You go through periods of life like that,

1308
00:46:49,934 --> 00:46:51,855
and it is it puts a strain on

1309
00:46:51,855 --> 00:46:54,094
your power exchange. We've had multiple conversations on

1310
00:46:54,094 --> 00:46:56,414
this podcast over the years, especially when we've

1311
00:46:56,414 --> 00:46:58,775
talked about the stuff we've gone through Yeah.

1312
00:46:58,974 --> 00:47:01,535
Specifically. It's like the thing we're not that's

1313
00:47:01,535 --> 00:47:03,454
why I'm glad that the nature of our

1314
00:47:03,454 --> 00:47:05,609
power change is he is always the decider.

1315
00:47:05,609 --> 00:47:06,989
That is the one thing that just

1316
00:47:07,369 --> 00:47:10,089
it occurs. Right? So it means that when

1317
00:47:10,089 --> 00:47:12,489
we're not consciously thinking of our power exchange,

1318
00:47:12,489 --> 00:47:14,569
that is still there. Right? I it's just

1319
00:47:14,569 --> 00:47:16,755
ingrained to me. I'm not I wouldn't anyway,

1320
00:47:16,755 --> 00:47:18,514
as the type of partner I am in

1321
00:47:18,514 --> 00:47:20,275
a relationship, I'm not making a decision without

1322
00:47:20,275 --> 00:47:21,335
his input anyway.

1323
00:47:21,795 --> 00:47:23,714
So it's not hard to just be in

1324
00:47:23,714 --> 00:47:25,734
that habit of, okay, but he's gonna decide,

1325
00:47:26,034 --> 00:47:27,875
unless he's at a point where he cannot.

1326
00:47:27,875 --> 00:47:29,869
Right? We went through that when your your

1327
00:47:29,869 --> 00:47:31,789
mom got sick and then and passed away.

1328
00:47:31,789 --> 00:47:33,469
Like, you just you couldn't, but you knew

1329
00:47:33,469 --> 00:47:35,230
yourself well enough at that point At that

1330
00:47:35,230 --> 00:47:37,329
point. To know, to tell me. Right.

1331
00:47:37,710 --> 00:47:39,309
The we're gonna get to the last one

1332
00:47:39,309 --> 00:47:39,809
here.

1333
00:47:40,190 --> 00:47:42,510
But the thing that helps with every single

1334
00:47:42,510 --> 00:47:43,329
one of these

1335
00:47:43,734 --> 00:47:45,494
and and helps not in a way that

1336
00:47:45,494 --> 00:47:46,474
it fixes anything

1337
00:47:46,855 --> 00:47:49,175
or even alleviates the pressure, but the thing

1338
00:47:49,175 --> 00:47:51,594
that can hold the 2 of you together

1339
00:47:51,974 --> 00:47:54,635
is gonna be communication. Yeah. You got you

1340
00:47:55,014 --> 00:47:56,855
you're That's the c word. You're gonna run

1341
00:47:56,855 --> 00:47:59,159
the gauntlet of learning some communication skills

1342
00:47:59,559 --> 00:48:01,880
when life does this shit to you. Right?

1343
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:02,380
Because

1344
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,380
when you can see that

1345
00:48:04,679 --> 00:48:06,440
a known thing that you're always dealing with

1346
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:07,339
is gonna interfere

1347
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:08,219
with

1348
00:48:08,839 --> 00:48:11,159
rules in your power exchange or routines in

1349
00:48:11,159 --> 00:48:12,434
your power exchange or protocol.

1350
00:48:12,894 --> 00:48:14,655
It'll be your job as the first person

1351
00:48:14,655 --> 00:48:16,734
to see that disruption coming to raise the

1352
00:48:16,734 --> 00:48:18,014
flag up and go, hey. We gotta talk

1353
00:48:18,014 --> 00:48:19,534
about this because this is not gonna work

1354
00:48:19,534 --> 00:48:20,974
the way it normally does. How do you

1355
00:48:20,974 --> 00:48:22,894
wanna adjust? And that was the thing I've

1356
00:48:22,894 --> 00:48:25,694
done. It's the thing I typically do when

1357
00:48:25,694 --> 00:48:28,200
I can see that life is lifing. Mhmm.

1358
00:48:28,260 --> 00:48:29,800
It's gonna fuck up our routine.

1359
00:48:30,340 --> 00:48:31,380
I'm not gonna be able to do a

1360
00:48:31,380 --> 00:48:33,880
thing I normally do. It's gonna alter timing.

1361
00:48:34,260 --> 00:48:36,840
I kinda go, hey. Have are you aware?

1362
00:48:37,140 --> 00:48:38,500
Okay. We got what do you wanna do

1363
00:48:38,500 --> 00:48:39,914
about this? How do we wanna handle it?

1364
00:48:39,994 --> 00:48:42,074
The more you can get used to doing

1365
00:48:42,074 --> 00:48:43,934
that, it's a habit you have to form.

1366
00:48:44,394 --> 00:48:44,894
And

1367
00:48:45,515 --> 00:48:47,295
the clearer your communication

1368
00:48:47,675 --> 00:48:48,414
can be

1369
00:48:48,715 --> 00:48:50,574
about what you're going through,

1370
00:48:51,035 --> 00:48:51,535
what

1371
00:48:52,409 --> 00:48:53,769
you want to be able to do, what

1372
00:48:53,769 --> 00:48:54,429
your expectations

1373
00:48:54,730 --> 00:48:56,510
are, both sides of the slash.

1374
00:48:57,690 --> 00:48:59,230
I won't call it easy.

1375
00:48:59,530 --> 00:49:01,609
Mhmm. But I think the better you can

1376
00:49:01,609 --> 00:49:04,824
manage it. Right? Because the thing that tends

1377
00:49:04,824 --> 00:49:06,585
to make all of this harder than it

1378
00:49:06,585 --> 00:49:07,405
already is

1379
00:49:07,785 --> 00:49:10,425
is when nobody's talking to each other about

1380
00:49:10,425 --> 00:49:12,824
how it's it feels like it's crumbling around

1381
00:49:12,824 --> 00:49:13,644
you a little bit,

1382
00:49:14,025 --> 00:49:15,625
and you can't maintain the thing you always

1383
00:49:15,625 --> 00:49:17,519
do. And so then maybe somebody feels a

1384
00:49:17,519 --> 00:49:19,280
sense of guilt or even shame over not

1385
00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:21,360
being able to do the thing. Or they

1386
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:23,199
tell themselves that maybe it doesn't really matter,

1387
00:49:23,199 --> 00:49:24,480
and I don't have to mention anything. Well,

1388
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:27,519
now resentment's probably gonna start creeping in. And

1389
00:49:27,519 --> 00:49:29,920
it makes what can be a stressful time

1390
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:32,559
of life that much harder. And that's where

1391
00:49:32,559 --> 00:49:34,204
then when the stress kind of

1392
00:49:35,144 --> 00:49:37,945
normalizes or goes away, whichever one, you're back

1393
00:49:37,945 --> 00:49:41,085
to almost rebuilding a power exchange because everything

1394
00:49:41,144 --> 00:49:43,545
fell off the rails. If the basics of

1395
00:49:43,545 --> 00:49:46,204
just a decent relationship, regardless of flavor,

1396
00:49:46,505 --> 00:49:48,585
can can stay in place as much as

1397
00:49:48,585 --> 00:49:49,085
possible,

1398
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:51,599
it's easier to get back to your power

1399
00:49:51,599 --> 00:49:53,839
exchange. Because then when everything calms down a

1400
00:49:53,839 --> 00:49:56,000
little bit, you're not going, oh shit, I

1401
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:58,320
kinda sucked. I'm so sorry. Oh no, I

1402
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,260
kinda sucked. You're going, okay,

1403
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,445
that sucked. Right? That thing sucked.

1404
00:50:03,905 --> 00:50:05,664
How do we get some dynamic back? How

1405
00:50:05,664 --> 00:50:07,364
do we get some fuckery back? Right?

1406
00:50:07,905 --> 00:50:08,945
And you're not gonna be

1407
00:50:09,425 --> 00:50:10,864
we were not perfect at this in the

1408
00:50:10,864 --> 00:50:13,344
beginning. No. We're still not perfect at it

1409
00:50:13,344 --> 00:50:14,085
quite frankly.

1410
00:50:14,864 --> 00:50:17,130
But we the lines of communication are would

1411
00:50:17,130 --> 00:50:18,109
have gotten better.

1412
00:50:19,050 --> 00:50:19,949
The ability

1413
00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:21,869
to realize that we are

1414
00:50:22,809 --> 00:50:23,309
reacting

1415
00:50:24,889 --> 00:50:27,449
to our partner, to each other, like, we're

1416
00:50:27,449 --> 00:50:29,805
the problem. Because the problem is

1417
00:50:30,265 --> 00:50:32,505
the thing to remember is whatever stressor in

1418
00:50:32,505 --> 00:50:34,664
life, whenever life is lifing and and getting

1419
00:50:34,664 --> 00:50:36,125
in the way of your power exchange,

1420
00:50:36,824 --> 00:50:37,565
it is

1421
00:50:37,864 --> 00:50:40,230
the 2 of you against the problem.

1422
00:50:40,789 --> 00:50:42,710
It's not it should not be in a

1423
00:50:42,710 --> 00:50:43,609
healthy situation.

1424
00:50:43,909 --> 00:50:45,829
Y'all put it against one another because you

1425
00:50:45,829 --> 00:50:47,190
won't have a power exchange to go back

1426
00:50:47,190 --> 00:50:49,690
to Right. When everything calms down or normalizes.

1427
00:50:49,750 --> 00:50:51,670
Mhmm. Because sometimes shit don't calm down. You

1428
00:50:51,670 --> 00:50:53,085
just get used to it, and you just

1429
00:50:53,085 --> 00:50:55,164
adjust your life around and go, okay. This

1430
00:50:55,164 --> 00:50:57,085
is what life is like now, and you

1431
00:50:57,085 --> 00:50:59,484
figure it out. Right? And sometimes it calms

1432
00:50:59,484 --> 00:51:01,324
down, and it gets better, and that's great.

1433
00:51:01,324 --> 00:51:03,005
Mhmm. But either way, what are you gonna

1434
00:51:03,005 --> 00:51:04,385
have with each other

1435
00:51:05,244 --> 00:51:07,559
when it does? If you're not speaking to

1436
00:51:07,559 --> 00:51:09,720
one another, if you're if you're starting arguments

1437
00:51:09,720 --> 00:51:10,380
and not

1438
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:13,660
resolving them, if, you know, if you are

1439
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:17,559
if you're not focused on the teamwork aspect

1440
00:51:17,559 --> 00:51:18,140
of it.

1441
00:51:19,594 --> 00:51:20,974
So the last one. Last.

1442
00:51:21,514 --> 00:51:23,674
Illness and injury, you can call it disability

1443
00:51:23,674 --> 00:51:26,074
because especially if it's chronic condition. Mhmm.

1444
00:51:26,554 --> 00:51:28,494
It that all falls under here. Disabilities,

1445
00:51:29,674 --> 00:51:31,934
temporary illnesses, temporary injuries,

1446
00:51:33,089 --> 00:51:35,250
things like just I had surgery. It was

1447
00:51:35,329 --> 00:51:37,170
Right. It was not an emergency. I was

1448
00:51:37,329 --> 00:51:39,089
We we knew it. Yeah. We could plan

1449
00:51:39,089 --> 00:51:40,210
for it. We could plan for it. Yeah.

1450
00:51:40,210 --> 00:51:41,190
But that moment

1451
00:51:41,650 --> 00:51:43,269
disrupted the power exchange. Yep.

1452
00:51:43,569 --> 00:51:45,190
JV's mental health has

1453
00:51:45,864 --> 00:51:48,525
over the past couple years. At its worst,

1454
00:51:49,465 --> 00:51:51,945
it impacted things. Yeah. Then things kind of

1455
00:51:51,945 --> 00:51:54,385
normalized, and he had a therapist and medication

1456
00:51:54,385 --> 00:51:57,144
and blah blah. And, you know, and even

1457
00:51:57,144 --> 00:52:00,000
now, that's a thing that doesn't necessarily just

1458
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,880
completely go away Mhmm. Based on, you know,

1459
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,500
his personal situation.

1460
00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:06,800
So sometimes it flares, and then we're dealing

1461
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:08,820
with a flare. Same with my mental health.

1462
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:12,340
Same with all kinds of stuff. Right?

1463
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:14,224
And I I think

1464
00:52:16,045 --> 00:52:18,285
I don't think that's a surprise to anybody.

1465
00:52:18,285 --> 00:52:20,605
If your partner breaks their leg and they're

1466
00:52:20,605 --> 00:52:22,605
laid up in bed for 3 weeks, you

1467
00:52:22,605 --> 00:52:24,224
would not expect the same

1468
00:52:25,005 --> 00:52:26,785
stuff out of them. However,

1469
00:52:28,125 --> 00:52:28,679
when it's

1470
00:52:29,559 --> 00:52:32,619
an unseen thing, it's mental health. It's it's

1471
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:34,619
the the downside of neurodivergence.

1472
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:36,839
Right? It's the struggles of that. It's the

1473
00:52:36,839 --> 00:52:39,319
challenges of that. It's a chronic condition that

1474
00:52:39,319 --> 00:52:41,639
flares, and you can't predict a flare. Those

1475
00:52:41,639 --> 00:52:43,420
kinds of things. I think people

1476
00:52:44,565 --> 00:52:46,484
feel a greater sense of shame. I won't

1477
00:52:46,484 --> 00:52:48,565
even say guilt. Guilt would be you it's

1478
00:52:48,565 --> 00:52:50,565
unnecessary, but that's at least a healthy emotion.

1479
00:52:50,565 --> 00:52:52,085
Shame is the thing that, like, you feel

1480
00:52:52,085 --> 00:52:53,625
like you were the bad person.

1481
00:52:53,925 --> 00:52:56,344
You're not. It's a thing you can't control

1482
00:52:56,965 --> 00:52:59,170
even if you're working on it. And

1483
00:52:59,470 --> 00:53:00,930
a good partner

1484
00:53:01,309 --> 00:53:03,150
is going to know that. They're going to

1485
00:53:03,150 --> 00:53:06,269
understand that. They're probably gonna try to be

1486
00:53:06,269 --> 00:53:08,670
helpful and kind to you. But if you

1487
00:53:08,670 --> 00:53:10,690
are coming from a place of shame,

1488
00:53:11,070 --> 00:53:13,474
says somebody from experience, you might not be

1489
00:53:13,474 --> 00:53:15,635
your best self either. Yeah. When when she

1490
00:53:15,635 --> 00:53:16,614
had that surgery

1491
00:53:18,035 --> 00:53:18,275
and,

1492
00:53:19,635 --> 00:53:21,795
I told her she was gonna follow doctor's

1493
00:53:21,795 --> 00:53:24,055
orders to the letter That was fucking weird.

1494
00:53:24,780 --> 00:53:26,219
That was so fucking weird. It was. Yeah.

1495
00:53:26,219 --> 00:53:28,059
It was tough for me to sit on

1496
00:53:28,059 --> 00:53:30,539
the couch. Right. Now here's what's funny on

1497
00:53:30,539 --> 00:53:32,300
that. If you were the partner who was

1498
00:53:32,300 --> 00:53:34,460
the help you know, doing a little bit

1499
00:53:34,460 --> 00:53:37,280
more taking on things while your partner recovers,

1500
00:53:38,300 --> 00:53:39,760
you know, whatever whatever. Right?

1501
00:53:40,355 --> 00:53:42,594
The thing he forgot, he here's what JB

1502
00:53:42,594 --> 00:53:44,594
tried to do. JB tried to do everything

1503
00:53:44,594 --> 00:53:45,494
JB does

1504
00:53:45,795 --> 00:53:47,875
and everything. She did. And I went, why

1505
00:53:47,875 --> 00:53:49,394
the fuck are you doing that? Right. First

1506
00:53:49,394 --> 00:53:50,594
of all, some of that stuff's not even

1507
00:53:50,594 --> 00:53:52,514
necessary. 2nd of all, we just have to

1508
00:53:52,514 --> 00:53:53,769
get through. Yeah.

1509
00:53:54,150 --> 00:53:57,030
Bare minimum is okay right now. Are the

1510
00:53:57,030 --> 00:53:57,530
kids

1511
00:53:57,989 --> 00:53:59,909
healthy? Are they are they being fed? Are

1512
00:53:59,909 --> 00:54:01,670
they going to this was during Christmas break.

1513
00:54:01,670 --> 00:54:02,949
They didn't even have to go to school.

1514
00:54:02,949 --> 00:54:04,789
I was like, are they being fed? Are

1515
00:54:04,789 --> 00:54:06,569
they following most of our rules?

1516
00:54:07,190 --> 00:54:09,734
Okay. They're fine. I was like, does our

1517
00:54:09,734 --> 00:54:10,954
house smell bad?

1518
00:54:11,335 --> 00:54:13,594
Do we have no clean clothes left? No?

1519
00:54:13,815 --> 00:54:15,674
We're good. Right? You like,

1520
00:54:16,694 --> 00:54:19,574
it's and sometimes that's the conversation when especially

1521
00:54:19,574 --> 00:54:21,034
when it's a temporary thing. Right?

1522
00:54:21,335 --> 00:54:23,835
I cannot speak on chronic conditions and disabilities

1523
00:54:24,449 --> 00:54:25,670
that flare, like,

1524
00:54:26,210 --> 00:54:26,710
consistently

1525
00:54:27,170 --> 00:54:29,170
Mhmm. Because I do not live that life.

1526
00:54:29,170 --> 00:54:31,329
I know it impacts power exchange. It impacts

1527
00:54:31,329 --> 00:54:33,170
how because I've had people tell me, it

1528
00:54:33,170 --> 00:54:35,109
impacts the power exchange you try to negotiate

1529
00:54:35,170 --> 00:54:35,989
because things

1530
00:54:36,369 --> 00:54:38,130
can't be routine because you don't maybe don't

1531
00:54:38,130 --> 00:54:39,855
know day to day what's gonna go on.

1532
00:54:40,014 --> 00:54:41,695
Right. I know it impacts how people feel

1533
00:54:41,695 --> 00:54:43,375
about themselves. I have talked to way too

1534
00:54:43,375 --> 00:54:45,215
many kinksters who think they're a bad dom

1535
00:54:45,215 --> 00:54:46,514
or sub because

1536
00:54:47,534 --> 00:54:48,355
their disability

1537
00:54:48,734 --> 00:54:51,054
impedes what they can do Mhmm. On a

1538
00:54:51,054 --> 00:54:51,869
day to day basis.

1539
00:54:52,670 --> 00:54:54,990
The right partner for you is gonna have

1540
00:54:54,990 --> 00:54:57,230
already known and embraced it and gone, this

1541
00:54:57,230 --> 00:54:59,390
is the ride we're on. Okay. We'll figure

1542
00:54:59,390 --> 00:55:00,990
it out. I mean, you know, it it

1543
00:55:00,990 --> 00:55:01,730
was not

1544
00:55:02,430 --> 00:55:03,410
an easy thing,

1545
00:55:05,150 --> 00:55:05,809
to accept,

1546
00:55:06,164 --> 00:55:08,885
you know, my back degrading the way it

1547
00:55:08,885 --> 00:55:10,505
has over the years. Mhmm.

1548
00:55:12,324 --> 00:55:12,824
And,

1549
00:55:13,445 --> 00:55:15,445
you know, because of that, I cannot do

1550
00:55:15,445 --> 00:55:17,525
some of the things I used to do.

1551
00:55:17,525 --> 00:55:18,025
Right.

1552
00:55:18,565 --> 00:55:20,164
Or in in a in the way I

1553
00:55:20,164 --> 00:55:21,989
used to do them. And that fucks with

1554
00:55:21,989 --> 00:55:23,210
your head a lot.

1555
00:55:23,829 --> 00:55:24,809
Yeah. But,

1556
00:55:25,510 --> 00:55:28,170
you know, with with that, I have found

1557
00:55:29,349 --> 00:55:30,090
other ways

1558
00:55:30,630 --> 00:55:33,030
to do the things that don't impact me.

1559
00:55:33,030 --> 00:55:34,170
Mhmm. You know?

1560
00:55:34,949 --> 00:55:36,409
And and that has been

1561
00:55:37,535 --> 00:55:39,235
a big help in that.

1562
00:55:40,255 --> 00:55:41,535
So I find it

1563
00:55:43,135 --> 00:55:43,635
so

1564
00:55:44,735 --> 00:55:46,355
when your back goes out,

1565
00:55:46,655 --> 00:55:49,880
I get very nervous because I I am

1566
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:52,119
thinking, okay. He's in pain. Is there anything

1567
00:55:52,119 --> 00:55:54,039
I can even do? How do I help

1568
00:55:54,039 --> 00:55:56,039
him? And and I know you think we've

1569
00:55:56,039 --> 00:55:57,640
had these conversations. I'm not saying anything he

1570
00:55:57,640 --> 00:55:59,900
doesn't really know. There's also that thought of,

1571
00:56:00,039 --> 00:56:02,114
oh, is this our new normal? Is this

1572
00:56:02,114 --> 00:56:03,494
what it's like? Right?

1573
00:56:05,195 --> 00:56:05,695
And,

1574
00:56:07,474 --> 00:56:09,235
1, we hope that never happens, but, 2,

1575
00:56:09,235 --> 00:56:10,835
that could be a scary thing. It could

1576
00:56:10,835 --> 00:56:11,815
be a sad thing.

1577
00:56:12,675 --> 00:56:15,359
And that's yet another stressor that is now

1578
00:56:15,359 --> 00:56:17,440
on our just our relationship in general, regardless

1579
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:18,500
of flavor. Right?

1580
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,760
When he's down for the count, though, I

1581
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:23,859
go into, like, uber submissive

1582
00:56:24,319 --> 00:56:26,639
to the point he's like, I because I'm

1583
00:56:26,639 --> 00:56:28,405
asking left, right, and center, what do you

1584
00:56:28,405 --> 00:56:29,444
need? What do you need? What can I

1585
00:56:29,444 --> 00:56:30,644
do? He's like, what I need you to

1586
00:56:30,644 --> 00:56:32,344
do is just leave him alone right now.

1587
00:56:32,644 --> 00:56:35,444
Time time out. You are overwhelming me Yep.

1588
00:56:35,525 --> 00:56:37,625
With your desire to help. Yep.

1589
00:56:41,605 --> 00:56:44,460
And I you know, personally, I think any

1590
00:56:44,460 --> 00:56:46,860
good partner is gonna worry about that. How

1591
00:56:46,860 --> 00:56:49,340
you react and what you do, we're all

1592
00:56:49,340 --> 00:56:50,320
unique individuals.

1593
00:56:50,940 --> 00:56:53,179
But, you know, don't be surprised if a

1594
00:56:53,179 --> 00:56:54,140
service submissive

1595
00:56:54,539 --> 00:56:56,525
hell, even a service top. Somebody who, like,

1596
00:56:56,525 --> 00:56:58,144
service is a part of who you are

1597
00:56:58,364 --> 00:57:00,045
is not like, what do you need? What

1598
00:57:00,045 --> 00:57:01,244
can I do? I wanna do all the

1599
00:57:01,244 --> 00:57:03,325
things. Can I is is there anything I

1600
00:57:03,325 --> 00:57:04,224
can get you?

1601
00:57:04,525 --> 00:57:06,485
What is the thing with your wildest imagination?

1602
00:57:06,485 --> 00:57:08,280
I will make it happen. Right?

1603
00:57:08,740 --> 00:57:10,539
Because we wanna take care of the people

1604
00:57:10,539 --> 00:57:11,720
we've been for.

1605
00:57:12,180 --> 00:57:13,400
I wish. God.

1606
00:57:15,140 --> 00:57:16,980
We would not have as many issues as

1607
00:57:16,980 --> 00:57:19,220
we do now if I could do if

1608
00:57:19,220 --> 00:57:20,280
I could do Genie.

1609
00:57:20,740 --> 00:57:21,559
Good lord.

1610
00:57:23,964 --> 00:57:25,724
For other than that, the time I had

1611
00:57:25,724 --> 00:57:28,385
surgery, which for me, I was very fortunate.

1612
00:57:28,444 --> 00:57:30,764
Surgery went fine. They sent me home early.

1613
00:57:30,764 --> 00:57:32,444
They were like, you're you're barely even taking

1614
00:57:32,444 --> 00:57:33,885
the pain meds. It's like, you wanna go

1615
00:57:33,885 --> 00:57:34,944
home? Yes. I do.

1616
00:57:35,964 --> 00:57:37,150
I had to sit on the couch for,

1617
00:57:37,150 --> 00:57:38,429
like, a week. That like, that's what I

1618
00:57:38,429 --> 00:57:40,510
had to do. Oh, no. That's so hard

1619
00:57:40,510 --> 00:57:42,909
for me. It was not. I just didn't

1620
00:57:42,909 --> 00:57:45,550
react well to sitting still because I feel

1621
00:57:45,710 --> 00:57:47,789
I'm I don't know. Is it generational? Is

1622
00:57:47,789 --> 00:57:49,650
it gender? Is it I don't know.

1623
00:57:50,015 --> 00:57:52,735
I'm like, am I allowed to sit down?

1624
00:57:52,735 --> 00:57:54,094
What is not being done if I'm sitting

1625
00:57:54,094 --> 00:57:55,855
down? Am I a lazy waste of space

1626
00:57:55,855 --> 00:57:58,094
if I'm not up and producing things like

1627
00:57:58,094 --> 00:58:01,235
that? That. Right? But being the submissive,

1628
00:58:01,614 --> 00:58:03,055
my job is to do what my daddy

1629
00:58:03,055 --> 00:58:04,655
Dom tells me to do so he can

1630
00:58:04,655 --> 00:58:06,230
be like all Domly on me, and I'd

1631
00:58:06,230 --> 00:58:07,609
be like, okay, daddy.

1632
00:58:08,389 --> 00:58:10,549
And, you know, whatever was happening in my

1633
00:58:10,549 --> 00:58:12,949
head was separate from the way I needed

1634
00:58:12,949 --> 00:58:13,769
to behave

1635
00:58:14,549 --> 00:58:16,309
because the power exchange. That's why I had

1636
00:58:16,309 --> 00:58:18,230
to say, baby girl, your task is to

1637
00:58:18,230 --> 00:58:19,929
sit on the sofa. I know.

1638
00:58:20,324 --> 00:58:22,964
It is different when it's the Dom who's

1639
00:58:22,964 --> 00:58:25,545
down for the count, temporarily or not,

1640
00:58:25,844 --> 00:58:28,565
because depending on how you've negotiated your power

1641
00:58:28,565 --> 00:58:29,065
exchange,

1642
00:58:30,565 --> 00:58:32,964
they might not listen to you, even if

1643
00:58:32,964 --> 00:58:35,464
you're trying to take care of them. And

1644
00:58:37,380 --> 00:58:39,619
that is one of the downsides to power

1645
00:58:39,619 --> 00:58:41,319
exchange from a submissive perspective.

1646
00:58:42,099 --> 00:58:45,300
Sometimes you're watching your dumb, be a dumbass

1647
00:58:45,300 --> 00:58:48,039
and potentially hurt themselves more,

1648
00:58:48,500 --> 00:58:49,800
prolong the agony,

1649
00:58:50,594 --> 00:58:53,155
You know, do things that they know are

1650
00:58:53,155 --> 00:58:55,734
gonna lead to a bad outcome

1651
00:58:56,034 --> 00:58:57,734
and all you can do is go,

1652
00:59:00,355 --> 00:59:00,855
okay.

1653
00:59:01,875 --> 00:59:03,875
Right? Like, I can only tough love claws

1654
00:59:03,875 --> 00:59:06,329
so much. Tough love claws only works if

1655
00:59:06,329 --> 00:59:08,269
he's willing to listen to me

1656
00:59:08,650 --> 00:59:11,690
and not and not override me. Right? It's

1657
00:59:11,690 --> 00:59:14,250
not it's not a perfect tool. It's a

1658
00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:16,410
tool that he has to be willing to

1659
00:59:16,410 --> 00:59:17,630
to let happen.

1660
00:59:18,264 --> 00:59:20,445
And there have been many times I'm like,

1661
00:59:20,664 --> 00:59:22,105
oh my god. He had a a thing

1662
00:59:22,105 --> 00:59:23,864
happen the other day that we worried it

1663
00:59:23,864 --> 00:59:24,984
was his back, and we think it was

1664
00:59:24,984 --> 00:59:26,984
something else. He didn't wanna take pain meds.

1665
00:59:26,984 --> 00:59:28,284
I'm like, my my dude,

1666
00:59:28,824 --> 00:59:31,619
the muscle relaxers and the pain meds were

1667
00:59:31,780 --> 00:59:32,280
prescribed

1668
00:59:32,820 --> 00:59:33,880
for pain.

1669
00:59:34,820 --> 00:59:36,920
How about if you're in excruciating

1670
00:59:37,619 --> 00:59:39,640
pain? We use the medicine

1671
00:59:39,940 --> 00:59:41,320
we've paid for

1672
00:59:41,860 --> 00:59:43,320
and the doctor prescribed.

1673
00:59:44,099 --> 00:59:45,640
I mean, it was 20 minutes.

1674
00:59:46,364 --> 00:59:47,105
20 minutes.

1675
00:59:48,364 --> 00:59:48,864
Now

1676
00:59:50,925 --> 00:59:52,445
did he eventually take it and then curl

1677
00:59:52,445 --> 00:59:54,045
up and go to sleep for, like, 7

1678
00:59:54,045 --> 00:59:55,965
hours? Yes. He did. And when he woke

1679
00:59:55,965 --> 00:59:58,045
up and was no longer groggy, I went,

1680
00:59:58,284 --> 01:00:00,125
so taking the meds was a good idea

1681
01:00:00,125 --> 01:00:01,265
because I am a

1682
01:00:03,190 --> 01:00:04,789
I like to go, I was right. You

1683
01:00:04,789 --> 01:00:07,030
were wrong. I'm not gonna win. I know.

1684
01:00:07,030 --> 01:00:08,650
You that's what you love about me.

1685
01:00:11,590 --> 01:00:12,329
The thing

1686
01:00:12,630 --> 01:00:15,610
I have seen submissives talk about

1687
01:00:16,994 --> 01:00:18,214
is that

1688
01:00:20,114 --> 01:00:21,554
when they can't take care of their dom,

1689
01:00:21,554 --> 01:00:23,094
if that's a part of your submission,

1690
01:00:23,394 --> 01:00:25,094
or when their dom is out of commission

1691
01:00:25,234 --> 01:00:25,734
and

1692
01:00:26,034 --> 01:00:27,494
power exchange kinda just

1693
01:00:27,954 --> 01:00:31,130
just dies Right? Like, it's almost nonexistent. Excuse

1694
01:00:31,130 --> 01:00:33,130
me. A lot of submissives will say, I

1695
01:00:33,130 --> 01:00:36,329
don't feel submissive. I don't I don't feel

1696
01:00:36,329 --> 01:00:38,009
like my submissive self because I'm not getting

1697
01:00:38,009 --> 01:00:40,429
to do any of my submissive stuff. Or

1698
01:00:40,569 --> 01:00:41,929
I have to take care of everything right

1699
01:00:41,929 --> 01:00:44,035
now because my daughter's out of commission, and

1700
01:00:44,035 --> 01:00:45,434
I'm I'm in charge of way too much.

1701
01:00:45,434 --> 01:00:46,914
I don't even want to be in charge

1702
01:00:46,914 --> 01:00:48,195
of this. Doesn't mean you're not willing to

1703
01:00:48,195 --> 01:00:50,835
do it because we gotta, like, keep everything

1704
01:00:50,835 --> 01:00:52,295
going as best as possible.

1705
01:00:52,994 --> 01:00:53,235
That's

1706
01:00:54,114 --> 01:00:55,894
I think it's a valid feeling.

1707
01:00:56,250 --> 01:00:59,070
I'm curious. The times when you could not

1708
01:00:59,690 --> 01:01:02,650
especially injury illness kind of situation, when you

1709
01:01:02,650 --> 01:01:05,210
were not doming anybody because you just had

1710
01:01:05,210 --> 01:01:05,869
to recover,

1711
01:01:06,329 --> 01:01:08,829
did it mess with your sense of self?

1712
01:01:08,889 --> 01:01:11,744
A little bit. Yes. Because it's like, you

1713
01:01:11,744 --> 01:01:12,804
know, for example,

1714
01:01:13,424 --> 01:01:15,125
the best example I could give,

1715
01:01:15,744 --> 01:01:18,224
was after the motorcycle accident. Oh my god.

1716
01:01:18,224 --> 01:01:20,545
Yeah. Getting hit by a literal car. I

1717
01:01:20,545 --> 01:01:22,625
I, you know, I pretty much was planted

1718
01:01:22,784 --> 01:01:23,904
I couldn't even go to bed. I was

1719
01:01:23,904 --> 01:01:25,824
pretty much planted on the You lived on

1720
01:01:25,824 --> 01:01:27,320
the sofa. Lived on the sofa.

1721
01:01:28,099 --> 01:01:28,599
And,

1722
01:01:29,860 --> 01:01:31,480
you know, I was I was so

1723
01:01:31,860 --> 01:01:32,360
limited

1724
01:01:33,780 --> 01:01:35,880
in what I could do Mhmm.

1725
01:01:37,699 --> 01:01:38,680
Excuse me,

1726
01:01:40,114 --> 01:01:40,514
That

1727
01:01:42,114 --> 01:01:43,875
and maybe you felt this way too after

1728
01:01:43,875 --> 01:01:45,574
your surgery, but I know for me,

1729
01:01:45,875 --> 01:01:48,594
it was like sitting on the sidelines and

1730
01:01:48,594 --> 01:01:51,315
watching everything just go by. Yeah, and not

1731
01:01:51,315 --> 01:01:52,675
being in the mix with it, not being

1732
01:01:52,675 --> 01:01:54,719
a part of it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And

1733
01:01:54,719 --> 01:01:57,059
that that was that was tough. Mhmm.

1734
01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:00,019
Yeah. Because when you were first recovering,

1735
01:02:01,119 --> 01:02:01,619
you

1736
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:03,940
know, I just had to

1737
01:02:04,239 --> 01:02:06,000
do shit and make it happen. And then

1738
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:07,606
I would come to you and I would

1739
01:02:07,606 --> 01:02:09,689
tell you. Mhmm. But it was not a,

1740
01:02:09,689 --> 01:02:11,773
hey, daddy. Do you wanna? It was, by

1741
01:02:11,773 --> 01:02:13,856
the way, this has happened. Yeah. I'm keeping

1742
01:02:13,856 --> 01:02:15,940
you informed because that feels right. Yeah. But,

1743
01:02:15,940 --> 01:02:18,284
yeah, you have no direct, control over the

1744
01:02:18,284 --> 01:02:20,627
outcome. No. I and and, you know, yeah,

1745
01:02:20,627 --> 01:02:22,409
that that was hard for me, like I

1746
01:02:22,409 --> 01:02:24,489
say, in in the fact that, you know,

1747
01:02:24,489 --> 01:02:25,869
it it it's kinda like,

1748
01:02:26,489 --> 01:02:27,469
you know, watching

1749
01:02:29,050 --> 01:02:30,429
things just slide by.

1750
01:02:31,369 --> 01:02:33,289
When I was when I've been out of

1751
01:02:33,289 --> 01:02:34,429
commission for anything,

1752
01:02:34,730 --> 01:02:37,755
being sick Mhmm. When migraines used to get

1753
01:02:37,755 --> 01:02:38,255
me,

1754
01:02:39,434 --> 01:02:41,135
recovering from surgery, whatever whatever.

1755
01:02:41,594 --> 01:02:43,135
I actually feel like

1756
01:02:44,234 --> 01:02:45,614
I'm not doing enough,

1757
01:02:46,234 --> 01:02:48,714
and I'm not taking care of things. So

1758
01:02:48,714 --> 01:02:49,755
part of it is and we did an

1759
01:02:49,755 --> 01:02:53,309
episode on this a while back on submissives

1760
01:02:53,309 --> 01:02:55,230
having control issues, and some of us really

1761
01:02:55,230 --> 01:02:56,989
do, and I do. There's in my head,

1762
01:02:56,989 --> 01:02:58,510
there's a, quote, right way to do things,

1763
01:02:58,510 --> 01:03:00,349
and then that would be my way. Not

1764
01:03:00,349 --> 01:03:02,510
because it is, like, the right way, but

1765
01:03:02,510 --> 01:03:03,789
because it's the way I do it, and

1766
01:03:03,789 --> 01:03:05,329
I know it works. And so

1767
01:03:06,534 --> 01:03:08,554
having somebody else do a thing I do

1768
01:03:08,614 --> 01:03:11,355
because I cannot, I'm physically unable to,

1769
01:03:11,894 --> 01:03:13,675
it's can be kinda stressful.

1770
01:03:14,454 --> 01:03:16,135
So, yeah, I kinda felt like the world

1771
01:03:16,135 --> 01:03:18,054
was going on around me, but I also

1772
01:03:18,054 --> 01:03:18,780
had this

1773
01:03:19,659 --> 01:03:21,579
panic is too strong a word, but it's

1774
01:03:21,579 --> 01:03:23,599
the closest I can get to this nervous

1775
01:03:23,739 --> 01:03:25,199
feeling inside of,

1776
01:03:25,900 --> 01:03:27,340
but are they struggling with it? If I

1777
01:03:27,340 --> 01:03:28,860
was doing it, they wouldn't have to struggle

1778
01:03:28,860 --> 01:03:29,820
with it. They wouldn't have to worry about

1779
01:03:29,820 --> 01:03:31,019
it. I would just do it. And, also,

1780
01:03:31,019 --> 01:03:32,380
I would do it the way I like

1781
01:03:32,380 --> 01:03:33,855
to do it. And I'm gonna come back

1782
01:03:33,855 --> 01:03:35,375
to this when I recover, and it will

1783
01:03:35,375 --> 01:03:36,735
not be in the state I would have

1784
01:03:36,735 --> 01:03:38,014
left it in. And and I

1785
01:03:39,215 --> 01:03:39,715
Wow.

1786
01:03:41,695 --> 01:03:44,414
Yeah. Yeah. I I might have some control

1787
01:03:44,414 --> 01:03:45,715
issues is all I'm saying.

1788
01:03:48,260 --> 01:03:50,579
So the injury illness thing 1 is in

1789
01:03:50,659 --> 01:03:52,920
uniquely personal, like, because it depends on

1790
01:03:53,460 --> 01:03:56,260
what what is the issue, how the duration,

1791
01:03:56,260 --> 01:03:58,900
how you feel about it, how your partner

1792
01:03:58,900 --> 01:04:01,315
hand like, oh my god. There's we can

1793
01:04:01,315 --> 01:04:03,414
only ever talk about our own personal experiences.

1794
01:04:03,715 --> 01:04:04,215
Mhmm.

1795
01:04:08,434 --> 01:04:11,155
But you have you are not doing anything

1796
01:04:11,155 --> 01:04:12,855
wrong as a dom or sub

1797
01:04:13,420 --> 01:04:13,920
when

1798
01:04:14,380 --> 01:04:16,000
your mind and or body

1799
01:04:16,539 --> 01:04:18,219
just don't let you do what you wanna

1800
01:04:18,219 --> 01:04:18,960
do. Right?

1801
01:04:20,140 --> 01:04:22,940
That doesn't make you less of a dom

1802
01:04:22,940 --> 01:04:24,860
or sub. It does not mean that you

1803
01:04:24,860 --> 01:04:26,800
don't have real power exchange.

1804
01:04:27,215 --> 01:04:29,054
It's like everything else in life. We have

1805
01:04:29,054 --> 01:04:31,295
to adjust and adapt to the circumstances we're

1806
01:04:31,295 --> 01:04:34,335
in. Right? What can my body let me

1807
01:04:34,335 --> 01:04:34,835
do?

1808
01:04:35,135 --> 01:04:36,914
Mhmm. What will my brain

1809
01:04:37,215 --> 01:04:39,375
let me do and accept? Now can those

1810
01:04:39,375 --> 01:04:41,829
things change over time? Can you learn new

1811
01:04:41,829 --> 01:04:44,250
things and find different adaptations and,

1812
01:04:44,630 --> 01:04:45,369
you know,

1813
01:04:46,309 --> 01:04:48,230
ways of thinking might change over time? Of

1814
01:04:48,230 --> 01:04:49,909
core of course. That's true for all of

1815
01:04:49,909 --> 01:04:50,409
us.

1816
01:04:51,829 --> 01:04:53,974
I I don't I will not play the

1817
01:04:53,974 --> 01:04:55,434
game of who's got it harder

1818
01:04:55,735 --> 01:04:58,454
because I don't nobody does. It's it's like

1819
01:04:58,454 --> 01:04:59,894
the financial stress and the work and the

1820
01:05:00,695 --> 01:05:02,075
it all sucks for all of us.

1821
01:05:02,454 --> 01:05:02,954
But

1822
01:05:04,215 --> 01:05:05,355
I know that

1823
01:05:05,655 --> 01:05:07,195
when I talk to somebody

1824
01:05:07,575 --> 01:05:08,075
who

1825
01:05:08,690 --> 01:05:09,590
kind of accepts

1826
01:05:10,610 --> 01:05:12,050
their body as it is and they know

1827
01:05:12,050 --> 01:05:13,110
how to work with it,

1828
01:05:14,289 --> 01:05:17,490
they talk about power exchange differently than people

1829
01:05:17,490 --> 01:05:20,130
who are new to this, or Mhmm. They

1830
01:05:20,130 --> 01:05:22,050
know it's temporary, but it's not moving fast

1831
01:05:22,050 --> 01:05:23,054
enough or

1832
01:05:23,594 --> 01:05:25,594
right? Like, they haven't adjusted to it yet.

1833
01:05:25,594 --> 01:05:26,494
And I and

1834
01:05:27,434 --> 01:05:28,175
I sense

1835
01:05:28,474 --> 01:05:29,534
grief and sadness

1836
01:05:29,914 --> 01:05:32,235
from people with chronic conditions and disabilities, and

1837
01:05:32,235 --> 01:05:34,015
I sense impatience and anger

1838
01:05:34,394 --> 01:05:36,494
from people who for whom this is new

1839
01:05:36,635 --> 01:05:38,909
and they hope or believe or know it's

1840
01:05:38,909 --> 01:05:39,409
temporary.

1841
01:05:42,429 --> 01:05:43,869
I don't know what to do with any

1842
01:05:43,869 --> 01:05:45,309
of that. I'm just throwing it out there

1843
01:05:45,309 --> 01:05:47,630
because if that resonates for you, just know

1844
01:05:47,630 --> 01:05:48,449
you're not alone.

1845
01:05:48,829 --> 01:05:51,309
Right? We are all one bad day away

1846
01:05:51,309 --> 01:05:53,304
from disability. Right?

1847
01:05:53,684 --> 01:05:55,284
1 in 4 people in the US, at

1848
01:05:55,284 --> 01:05:58,085
least, are disabled in some way. If the

1849
01:05:58,085 --> 01:05:59,784
zombie apocalypse ever happens

1850
01:06:00,324 --> 01:06:01,784
and I break my glasses,

1851
01:06:03,045 --> 01:06:04,644
just I'm gonna lean up against a tree.

1852
01:06:04,644 --> 01:06:06,244
Somebody take me out because where am I

1853
01:06:06,244 --> 01:06:07,280
going? Right?

1854
01:06:09,420 --> 01:06:11,579
Where am I going without sight? I don't

1855
01:06:11,579 --> 01:06:13,579
know. Not in the zombie apocalypse. I don't

1856
01:06:13,579 --> 01:06:14,719
know. Right?

1857
01:06:16,780 --> 01:06:18,780
So, you know, something can happen to any

1858
01:06:18,780 --> 01:06:21,114
of us at any time that does not

1859
01:06:21,114 --> 01:06:22,875
mean that you can't still have a satisfying

1860
01:06:22,875 --> 01:06:24,875
power exchange. It does mean it won't look

1861
01:06:24,875 --> 01:06:27,215
like whatever example you're trying to follow.

1862
01:06:27,675 --> 01:06:29,355
None of our power exchanges should look like

1863
01:06:29,355 --> 01:06:31,595
any example we're trying to follow y'all. They're

1864
01:06:31,595 --> 01:06:32,735
supposed to be

1865
01:06:33,549 --> 01:06:36,130
negotiated for and tuned into who we are

1866
01:06:36,670 --> 01:06:38,210
as individuals and a couple

1867
01:06:38,510 --> 01:06:41,010
in this moment, which is why power exchange

1868
01:06:41,630 --> 01:06:44,190
can and does and maybe ought to shift

1869
01:06:44,190 --> 01:06:44,690
and

1870
01:06:45,324 --> 01:06:47,324
change over time. You you change what you're

1871
01:06:47,324 --> 01:06:48,844
doing because what you used to do no

1872
01:06:48,844 --> 01:06:49,664
longer serves.

1873
01:06:49,965 --> 01:06:51,804
What we did in power exchange power exchange

1874
01:06:51,885 --> 01:06:52,785
in long distance

1875
01:06:53,164 --> 01:06:55,164
relationship, it's not what we did when we

1876
01:06:55,164 --> 01:06:57,324
moved in. What we tried to do when

1877
01:06:57,324 --> 01:06:58,679
we moved in together is not what we

1878
01:06:58,679 --> 01:07:01,579
were doing 3 weeks later, quite frankly. No.

1879
01:07:01,639 --> 01:07:03,900
But what we did in the early 2014

1880
01:07:03,960 --> 01:07:05,639
when we started living together is not what

1881
01:07:05,639 --> 01:07:07,960
we do now. No. I imagine what we

1882
01:07:07,960 --> 01:07:09,239
do 5 years from now won't be what

1883
01:07:09,239 --> 01:07:11,260
we do now. We'll do some it'll it'll

1884
01:07:11,559 --> 01:07:14,244
change just a little bit. Mhmm. Because life

1885
01:07:14,465 --> 01:07:16,305
will bring the stressors and we'll adjust and

1886
01:07:16,305 --> 01:07:19,345
adapt. Our bodies are changing. We're we're aging

1887
01:07:19,345 --> 01:07:21,744
every moment. Aging is a privilege, but we

1888
01:07:21,744 --> 01:07:22,805
are still aging.

1889
01:07:23,905 --> 01:07:25,845
Bodies fall apart. Right? So,

1890
01:07:26,545 --> 01:07:27,204
you know,

1891
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:30,280
just because those things occur and maybe become

1892
01:07:30,280 --> 01:07:32,380
a permanent part of life does not mean

1893
01:07:32,599 --> 01:07:34,219
that power exchange is an impossibility.

1894
01:07:34,599 --> 01:07:36,599
It just means maybe the power exchange that

1895
01:07:36,599 --> 01:07:38,599
you did yesterday is not the one you'll

1896
01:07:38,599 --> 01:07:39,420
do tomorrow.

1897
01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:41,594
Yeah. Right. And and I think if I

1898
01:07:41,594 --> 01:07:43,135
I had to add any

1899
01:07:43,434 --> 01:07:46,015
one thing at this point, I would say,

1900
01:07:47,034 --> 01:07:48,574
be careful of your expectations.

1901
01:07:49,355 --> 01:07:50,795
Yeah. We've got an episode somewhere in the

1902
01:07:50,795 --> 01:07:52,275
archive about managing expectations.

1903
01:07:52,715 --> 01:07:54,635
Where we talk about that. But, you know,

1904
01:07:54,635 --> 01:07:55,855
in in all this,

1905
01:07:56,210 --> 01:07:58,049
it it's it's a big thing, you know,

1906
01:07:58,049 --> 01:08:00,469
because many of us find,

1907
01:08:02,049 --> 01:08:02,789
this lifestyle,

1908
01:08:03,089 --> 01:08:03,670
you know,

1909
01:08:05,409 --> 01:08:06,150
through porn

1910
01:08:06,690 --> 01:08:09,170
or, you know, places like Tumblr, this, that,

1911
01:08:09,170 --> 01:08:09,909
and the other.

1912
01:08:10,369 --> 01:08:10,869
And,

1913
01:08:15,675 --> 01:08:17,835
you know, it's easy to get caught up

1914
01:08:17,835 --> 01:08:19,835
in, like, you know, oh, this is gonna

1915
01:08:19,835 --> 01:08:21,835
be wonderful all the time. This is what

1916
01:08:21,835 --> 01:08:23,994
it's gonna be like. Mhmm. And and it's

1917
01:08:23,994 --> 01:08:27,135
not. You know, it's not. So, you know,

1918
01:08:29,320 --> 01:08:31,480
the fantasy, it's always nice to have the

1919
01:08:31,480 --> 01:08:31,980
fantasy,

1920
01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:33,260
but

1921
01:08:34,920 --> 01:08:37,180
get that reality check. Yeah.

1922
01:08:37,560 --> 01:08:39,400
And also, when you get the reality check

1923
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:40,784
of a really hard day,

1924
01:08:41,345 --> 01:08:43,905
oh, Onyx. Oh my god. I'm sorry. I

1925
01:08:43,905 --> 01:08:44,645
just jumped

1926
01:08:45,104 --> 01:08:47,685
because JB looked over my shoulder

1927
01:08:47,985 --> 01:08:49,685
like he had seen a ghost.

1928
01:08:50,545 --> 01:08:52,305
So I turn around like a dumbass because

1929
01:08:52,305 --> 01:08:53,824
if there's a ghost behind me, I don't

1930
01:08:53,824 --> 01:08:55,685
wanna know, really, frankly.

1931
01:08:56,225 --> 01:08:58,189
And that's when Onyx jumps down

1932
01:08:58,569 --> 01:09:00,810
and scared the shit out of me. She's

1933
01:09:00,810 --> 01:09:02,409
a black cat, y'all. It's a little void

1934
01:09:02,409 --> 01:09:03,949
just jumping out of a window.

1935
01:09:04,810 --> 01:09:05,310
Anyway

1936
01:09:06,810 --> 01:09:07,310
lordy.

1937
01:09:08,409 --> 01:09:10,489
So Goodness. The thing I think I was

1938
01:09:10,489 --> 01:09:11,609
trying to say, because you know the train

1939
01:09:11,609 --> 01:09:13,494
derailed. Right? Yeah. So, yes, I think you

1940
01:09:13,494 --> 01:09:15,255
have to manage your expectations that the fantasy

1941
01:09:15,255 --> 01:09:17,015
you have, I agree, is the reality is

1942
01:09:17,015 --> 01:09:18,635
gonna be different. But the other thing is

1943
01:09:18,775 --> 01:09:20,555
your worst day in power exchange

1944
01:09:20,855 --> 01:09:22,295
does not mean that that's how it's going

1945
01:09:22,295 --> 01:09:24,155
to be all the time either. It's true.

1946
01:09:24,215 --> 01:09:25,979
And it is easy to feel that way

1947
01:09:25,979 --> 01:09:27,279
when you're in the depths of

1948
01:09:27,659 --> 01:09:29,979
whatever the thing is that's going on, whether

1949
01:09:29,979 --> 01:09:32,619
it's your health or it's money or it's

1950
01:09:32,619 --> 01:09:34,960
a really bad moment in parenting and caregiving.

1951
01:09:35,420 --> 01:09:37,260
It is easy to feel like this is

1952
01:09:37,260 --> 01:09:38,585
all it's ever gonna be,

1953
01:09:39,444 --> 01:09:41,685
and not necessarily. Yeah. And that that's an

1954
01:09:41,685 --> 01:09:43,925
excellent point because, you know, just like anything

1955
01:09:43,925 --> 01:09:45,284
else in life, you know, you have good

1956
01:09:45,284 --> 01:09:46,725
days and bad days at work, you have

1957
01:09:46,725 --> 01:09:48,404
good days and bad days with the kids.

1958
01:09:48,404 --> 01:09:50,664
Mhmm. Your your your DS isn't perfect.

1959
01:09:51,229 --> 01:09:52,989
It's not gonna be perfect. And it's not

1960
01:09:52,989 --> 01:09:55,649
a static thing. It's a very we call

1961
01:09:55,789 --> 01:09:57,869
it dynamic. Fluid. It's it's a fluid thing,

1962
01:09:57,869 --> 01:09:59,710
but we call it a power dynamic. Right?

1963
01:09:59,710 --> 01:10:01,310
For different reasons, but think about it. It

1964
01:10:01,310 --> 01:10:03,310
is dynamic. That means it can shift and

1965
01:10:03,310 --> 01:10:05,550
change. All that matters is that the 2

1966
01:10:05,550 --> 01:10:07,074
of y'all are talking about it, and you

1967
01:10:07,074 --> 01:10:08,994
find some sort of agreement with it. Right?

1968
01:10:08,994 --> 01:10:11,715
You figure out your unique Venn diagram of

1969
01:10:11,715 --> 01:10:13,654
what you need, what they need, and then

1970
01:10:13,795 --> 01:10:15,795
where it intersects, and you can do that

1971
01:10:15,795 --> 01:10:18,135
thing for each other. Mhmm. But

1972
01:10:19,119 --> 01:10:19,619
no

1973
01:10:19,920 --> 01:10:23,039
no one power exchange is the model for

1974
01:10:23,039 --> 01:10:23,699
them all.

1975
01:10:24,079 --> 01:10:26,239
It's not. The way we do our power

1976
01:10:26,239 --> 01:10:28,400
exchange, I know because god knows people like

1977
01:10:28,400 --> 01:10:31,039
to tell me they could never. Well, then

1978
01:10:31,039 --> 01:10:31,635
please don't.

1979
01:10:32,594 --> 01:10:35,074
Figure out what works for you. Right. It

1980
01:10:35,074 --> 01:10:37,474
means you're gonna do some stuff, and you're

1981
01:10:37,474 --> 01:10:38,994
gonna go, oh, I thought that's what I

1982
01:10:38,994 --> 01:10:40,514
wanted, and I'm not. Right? You're gonna have

1983
01:10:40,514 --> 01:10:42,835
to shift it. It also means that you're

1984
01:10:42,835 --> 01:10:45,359
gonna set your your power change

1985
01:10:45,739 --> 01:10:47,020
up based on the life you're living right

1986
01:10:47,020 --> 01:10:49,039
at this moment, and that's gonna work

1987
01:10:49,579 --> 01:10:51,119
until something in life changes

1988
01:10:51,500 --> 01:10:52,800
temporarily or permanently.

1989
01:10:53,500 --> 01:10:54,000
And

1990
01:10:54,939 --> 01:10:55,680
you can

1991
01:10:56,380 --> 01:10:59,185
keep trying to do the same thing

1992
01:10:59,885 --> 01:11:02,685
even when life has fundamentally changed for you

1993
01:11:02,685 --> 01:11:05,505
and make yourself crazy and miserable, or

1994
01:11:06,125 --> 01:11:06,944
you can go,

1995
01:11:07,484 --> 01:11:09,885
that's right. Kayla and JB said this is

1996
01:11:09,885 --> 01:11:11,970
normal, and this happens. And now we just

1997
01:11:11,970 --> 01:11:13,409
have to have a conversation on how do

1998
01:11:13,409 --> 01:11:14,789
we shift things. Yeah.

1999
01:11:15,329 --> 01:11:17,570
Right? Changing things up is not a failure.

2000
01:11:17,570 --> 01:11:20,070
Changing things up is reality. It's realistic.

2001
01:11:20,449 --> 01:11:22,289
It's going, I know what I'd like it

2002
01:11:22,289 --> 01:11:23,570
to be like, but this is what it

2003
01:11:23,570 --> 01:11:25,810
actually is like. So how are we gonna

2004
01:11:25,810 --> 01:11:28,185
navigate what it's actually like? And some for

2005
01:11:28,185 --> 01:11:29,784
some folks, that's a day to day thing.

2006
01:11:29,784 --> 01:11:31,385
What is my body allowing me to do

2007
01:11:31,385 --> 01:11:33,724
today? Then this is what we'll do today.

2008
01:11:33,784 --> 01:11:35,965
For others, it's longer term. We go

2009
01:11:36,505 --> 01:11:37,645
multiyear stretches,

2010
01:11:38,185 --> 01:11:40,024
and nothing really shifts much in our our

2011
01:11:40,024 --> 01:11:40,844
power exchange.

2012
01:11:41,159 --> 01:11:43,399
And then we'll have a lot happen all

2013
01:11:43,399 --> 01:11:46,140
at once, and we're shifting left and right.

2014
01:11:46,840 --> 01:11:48,920
I don't like that. Shifting on the fly

2015
01:11:48,920 --> 01:11:51,420
sometimes. Like a routine that I can

2016
01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:54,600
trust in, follow, get comfortable with, and put

2017
01:11:54,600 --> 01:11:55,500
it on autopilot.

2018
01:11:55,925 --> 01:11:57,045
I just know what I need to do.

2019
01:11:57,045 --> 01:11:58,645
There's a lot less anxiety in life when

2020
01:11:58,645 --> 01:11:59,845
you know what you need to do every

2021
01:11:59,845 --> 01:12:00,345
day.

2022
01:12:01,045 --> 01:12:01,545
Unfortunately,

2023
01:12:02,725 --> 01:12:04,185
the powers that be,

2024
01:12:05,685 --> 01:12:08,025
have not listened to me. Okay? I

2025
01:12:08,405 --> 01:12:09,305
I I did ask

2026
01:12:09,810 --> 01:12:11,969
if everything could just stay the same so

2027
01:12:11,969 --> 01:12:13,729
I don't have to learn new routines and

2028
01:12:13,729 --> 01:12:14,389
be uncomfortable,

2029
01:12:17,889 --> 01:12:19,829
and I haven't managed to make that happen.

2030
01:12:19,889 --> 01:12:20,389
Mhmm.

2031
01:12:21,329 --> 01:12:22,229
Yeah. Yep.

2032
01:12:23,250 --> 01:12:23,750
So,

2033
01:12:24,734 --> 01:12:25,875
yeah, this is

2034
01:12:27,694 --> 01:12:29,534
I don't I really don't have any useful

2035
01:12:29,534 --> 01:12:32,494
advice other than get better at talking about

2036
01:12:32,494 --> 01:12:34,675
shit as it's going on.

2037
01:12:35,534 --> 01:12:37,534
Because for most people, it's not too much

2038
01:12:37,534 --> 01:12:40,109
communication. It's not enough. Some people can over

2039
01:12:40,350 --> 01:12:42,270
guess what? Hi. But but you didn't know

2040
01:12:42,270 --> 01:12:43,090
I'm an overcommunicator.

2041
01:12:43,390 --> 01:12:45,550
Some people can't overcommunicate, or you can talk

2042
01:12:45,550 --> 01:12:47,390
a topic to death until you're both just

2043
01:12:47,390 --> 01:12:48,210
sick of it.

2044
01:12:48,750 --> 01:12:50,770
Most of us aren't there yet.

2045
01:12:51,704 --> 01:12:53,225
Most people are not there yet. You're not

2046
01:12:53,225 --> 01:12:54,045
talking enough.

2047
01:12:54,905 --> 01:12:56,265
But the only other thing I can tell

2048
01:12:56,265 --> 01:12:57,244
you is that,

2049
01:12:58,185 --> 01:13:00,905
yes, it will happen. I don't know what

2050
01:13:00,905 --> 01:13:03,359
version of the life situation will hit you.

2051
01:13:04,239 --> 01:13:05,600
Could be all of them at once. We've

2052
01:13:05,600 --> 01:13:07,699
had that happen. Something's gonna get you.

2053
01:13:08,639 --> 01:13:09,139
And

2054
01:13:09,600 --> 01:13:12,079
you didn't do anything wrong. This is this

2055
01:13:12,079 --> 01:13:13,139
is how this goes.

2056
01:13:13,920 --> 01:13:15,699
This is how this goes. Mhmm.

2057
01:13:16,595 --> 01:13:16,994
So

2058
01:13:18,195 --> 01:13:21,235
Are we, I don't know. This this one

2059
01:13:21,235 --> 01:13:23,635
being my, like, the thing that I like,

2060
01:13:23,635 --> 01:13:26,275
gets me means I can talk for literal

2061
01:13:26,275 --> 01:13:27,175
hours. Mhmm.

2062
01:13:28,275 --> 01:13:30,055
Of course. But I don't I shouldn't,

2063
01:13:30,435 --> 01:13:32,239
and I don't I don't need

2064
01:13:33,539 --> 01:13:34,039
to.

2065
01:13:35,340 --> 01:13:35,840
So

2066
01:13:37,019 --> 01:13:37,519
yeah.

2067
01:13:38,380 --> 01:13:38,880
Okay.

2068
01:13:39,420 --> 01:13:41,899
But, yes, I can just stop now. Okay.

2069
01:13:41,899 --> 01:13:44,219
For any any of these particular no. This

2070
01:13:44,219 --> 01:13:44,960
is information.

2071
01:13:45,675 --> 01:13:47,914
For if any of these particular topics, parenting

2072
01:13:47,914 --> 01:13:48,574
and caregiving,

2073
01:13:49,194 --> 01:13:50,974
work, financial stress,

2074
01:13:51,274 --> 01:13:51,774
health,

2075
01:13:52,314 --> 01:13:53,994
if any of those, like, pique your interest,

2076
01:13:53,994 --> 01:13:55,274
we have talked about these things in the

2077
01:13:55,274 --> 01:13:57,034
past. The links are in the places. You

2078
01:13:57,034 --> 01:13:59,399
can hear more of our thoughts on that.

2079
01:13:59,399 --> 01:14:00,699
Now Yeah. Just know

2080
01:14:01,399 --> 01:14:03,199
that depending on how old it is, some

2081
01:14:03,199 --> 01:14:05,719
of our opinions have have also shifted over

2082
01:14:05,719 --> 01:14:07,500
time. Mhmm. But in general

2083
01:14:07,880 --> 01:14:10,600
Yeah. That if nothing else, it's at least

2084
01:14:10,600 --> 01:14:12,539
what we were going through at that time.

2085
01:14:14,385 --> 01:14:15,364
So Yeah.

2086
01:14:16,225 --> 01:14:19,505
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. K. So are

2087
01:14:19,505 --> 01:14:20,885
we good? I don't know.

2088
01:14:22,625 --> 01:14:24,625
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you

2089
01:14:24,625 --> 01:14:25,364
next week.

2090
01:14:35,479 --> 01:14:37,560
Dada. Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to

2091
01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:38,220
the crickets?

2092
01:14:38,680 --> 01:14:39,180
Yeah.

2093
01:14:39,960 --> 01:14:40,460
Yeah.

2094
01:14:41,319 --> 01:14:42,380
Burgess Meredith.

2095
01:14:45,114 --> 01:14:45,614
What?

2096
01:14:48,155 --> 01:14:50,395
The Twilight Zone episode they were talking about.

2097
01:14:50,395 --> 01:14:52,235
In live chat. Yeah. I Castle's Secret Life.

2098
01:14:52,235 --> 01:14:53,215
I don't What?

2099
01:14:55,130 --> 01:14:56,569
So I think I know which episode you're

2100
01:14:56,569 --> 01:14:58,329
talking about, but go ahead. Yeah. Remind us.

2101
01:14:58,489 --> 01:15:01,069
They they were talking about the episode where

2102
01:15:01,289 --> 01:15:02,829
there's a nuclear apocalypse

2103
01:15:03,689 --> 01:15:04,989
and this person,

2104
01:15:05,369 --> 01:15:07,929
he's left alive and he gathers up all

2105
01:15:07,929 --> 01:15:08,989
these books because

2106
01:15:09,494 --> 01:15:11,335
everything gone, he doesn't have to worry about

2107
01:15:11,335 --> 01:15:13,414
working or, you know, taking care, and all

2108
01:15:13,414 --> 01:15:14,875
he wants to do is read.

2109
01:15:15,814 --> 01:15:17,515
And he gathers up all these

2110
01:15:19,095 --> 01:15:21,034
books, and then his glasses break.

2111
01:15:21,494 --> 01:15:23,095
That man was not holding that book close

2112
01:15:23,095 --> 01:15:23,760
enough to his

2113
01:15:24,319 --> 01:15:26,559
face. I'm assuming he was nearsighted. If he

2114
01:15:26,559 --> 01:15:29,039
was far sighted No. We'd I'd be how

2115
01:15:29,039 --> 01:15:30,719
far back can I go? I I I

2116
01:15:30,719 --> 01:15:33,760
remember that episode myself. That was Burgess Meredith.

2117
01:15:33,760 --> 01:15:34,819
I don't And that

2118
01:15:35,199 --> 01:15:37,139
that has always been a fear for me.

2119
01:15:37,795 --> 01:15:39,814
I'm You know that? I have no expectation

2120
01:15:40,034 --> 01:15:42,515
of surviving the zombie apocalypse. I am one

2121
01:15:42,515 --> 01:15:44,274
of those people that hopes I'm just taken

2122
01:15:44,274 --> 01:15:46,274
out in the first wave of it. I

2123
01:15:46,274 --> 01:15:48,675
don't I don't want to live The Walking

2124
01:15:48,675 --> 01:15:51,710
Dead life. Okay? I'm not cut out for

2125
01:15:51,849 --> 01:15:53,149
surviving like that.

2126
01:15:54,010 --> 01:15:56,269
I also don't want to become a zombie.

2127
01:15:56,409 --> 01:15:58,729
So whatever it is, I it just needs

2128
01:15:58,729 --> 01:16:00,130
to go ahead and take me out. That

2129
01:16:00,250 --> 01:16:01,529
if that's how I go, that's how I

2130
01:16:01,529 --> 01:16:03,784
go. I don't want to live in the

2131
01:16:03,784 --> 01:16:04,284
aftermath

2132
01:16:05,545 --> 01:16:06,765
of a zombie apocalypse.

2133
01:16:10,744 --> 01:16:12,984
But yeah. I think I I think I

2134
01:16:12,984 --> 01:16:15,039
remember watching that episode Mhmm.

2135
01:16:16,159 --> 01:16:17,760
Because you I can kinda see it in

2136
01:16:17,760 --> 01:16:19,119
my head when you describe it. And the

2137
01:16:19,119 --> 01:16:21,439
thing that always fucked me up about Twilight

2138
01:16:21,439 --> 01:16:22,260
Zone episodes

2139
01:16:22,800 --> 01:16:23,300
is

2140
01:16:24,239 --> 01:16:26,400
some of the episodes just left me with

2141
01:16:26,400 --> 01:16:27,140
this, like,

2142
01:16:28,385 --> 01:16:30,725
like, this ache in my heart. Like,

2143
01:16:31,025 --> 01:16:33,345
this if it didn't freak me out, it,

2144
01:16:33,345 --> 01:16:36,065
like, it physically hurt. Like, oh oh god.

2145
01:16:36,065 --> 01:16:38,784
Oh, new fear unlocked. I didn't know that

2146
01:16:38,784 --> 01:16:40,670
was the thing I needed to be afraid

2147
01:16:40,670 --> 01:16:42,670
of. And also that's That's what made the

2148
01:16:42,670 --> 01:16:44,829
show so good. The one I remember, and

2149
01:16:44,829 --> 01:16:46,109
you and I have talked about this before,

2150
01:16:46,109 --> 01:16:47,630
and I never remember the plot because I

2151
01:16:47,630 --> 01:16:49,390
was, like, 8 and my dad was watching

2152
01:16:49,390 --> 01:16:52,189
reruns, was the pick face one. That one

2153
01:16:52,189 --> 01:16:54,350
freaked me the fuck out. All I know

2154
01:16:54,350 --> 01:16:55,729
is it was medical professionals

2155
01:16:56,555 --> 01:16:58,635
turning around to look at this person who's

2156
01:16:58,635 --> 01:16:59,914
freaking out. You're like, what's it freaking out?

2157
01:16:59,914 --> 01:17:01,695
And everybody's got a picky face.

2158
01:17:02,074 --> 01:17:04,414
And I don't know anything beyond that.

2159
01:17:05,354 --> 01:17:07,274
But that, I can close my eyes, and

2160
01:17:07,274 --> 01:17:08,494
I can see that.

2161
01:17:09,270 --> 01:17:10,969
I don't know that impressionable

2162
01:17:11,270 --> 01:17:12,090
young children

2163
01:17:13,029 --> 01:17:15,289
who have an overactive imagination

2164
01:17:15,989 --> 01:17:19,029
and take things literally Mhmm. Maybe maybe she

2165
01:17:19,029 --> 01:17:20,649
shouldn't have been watching that.

2166
01:17:22,975 --> 01:17:23,635
You know, the

2167
01:17:24,335 --> 01:17:25,635
the to me,

2168
01:17:26,175 --> 01:17:27,635
the the Twilight Zone

2169
01:17:28,175 --> 01:17:28,675
was

2170
01:17:30,255 --> 01:17:31,475
such a good show.

2171
01:17:31,775 --> 01:17:32,275
Mhmm.

2172
01:17:32,975 --> 01:17:33,475
And,

2173
01:17:34,494 --> 01:17:36,034
you know, the the episodes,

2174
01:17:37,099 --> 01:17:37,599
they

2175
01:17:38,460 --> 01:17:41,039
they impacted you in in such a way

2176
01:17:41,579 --> 01:17:43,899
and, you know, they they tried to recreate

2177
01:17:43,899 --> 01:17:46,939
it. You know, they they after Rod Rod

2178
01:17:46,939 --> 01:17:47,439
Serling

2179
01:17:48,059 --> 01:17:50,139
died, they tried to bring the show back.

2180
01:17:50,139 --> 01:17:51,520
It was never the same.

2181
01:17:52,335 --> 01:17:54,414
It it was not not the same. There

2182
01:17:54,414 --> 01:17:56,595
was just something about the the original,

2183
01:17:57,135 --> 01:17:58,975
you know. Yeah. It's can't be black and

2184
01:17:58,975 --> 01:18:01,614
white, but it The storytelling was tight. The

2185
01:18:01,614 --> 01:18:04,255
storytelling was, like, you were take and again,

2186
01:18:04,255 --> 01:18:06,895
I'm truly remembering this from, like, being very

2187
01:18:06,895 --> 01:18:08,060
young. Mhmm.

2188
01:18:08,520 --> 01:18:10,139
But what I remember is

2189
01:18:10,599 --> 01:18:12,380
what when something would happen,

2190
01:18:12,760 --> 01:18:13,420
the end,

2191
01:18:13,800 --> 01:18:14,859
it was tragic.

2192
01:18:15,399 --> 01:18:15,899
Yeah.

2193
01:18:16,359 --> 01:18:17,420
It was ironic,

2194
01:18:18,679 --> 01:18:19,179
and

2195
01:18:19,880 --> 01:18:21,694
it was either it

2196
01:18:22,154 --> 01:18:23,994
was when I think about the the one

2197
01:18:23,994 --> 01:18:25,274
with the glasses, I think about the piggy

2198
01:18:25,274 --> 01:18:26,554
face one even though I cannot remember the

2199
01:18:26,554 --> 01:18:27,454
piggy face one.

2200
01:18:27,994 --> 01:18:30,715
Something about it, when you found out that

2201
01:18:30,715 --> 01:18:31,215
ending,

2202
01:18:31,835 --> 01:18:34,314
it made sense. It clicked. Like, it might

2203
01:18:34,314 --> 01:18:35,215
have been unexpected.

2204
01:18:36,154 --> 01:18:38,070
I would not have thought that piggy face

2205
01:18:38,070 --> 01:18:40,329
nurses were gonna look at the camera. But

2206
01:18:41,510 --> 01:18:44,470
within the story, you went, this was clearly

2207
01:18:44,470 --> 01:18:46,550
the only way this could have gone. Once

2208
01:18:46,550 --> 01:18:48,550
you see it and you like Mhmm. And

2209
01:18:48,550 --> 01:18:51,524
that was that was tight storytelling that I

2210
01:18:53,904 --> 01:18:55,505
I I don't know because I only remember

2211
01:18:55,505 --> 01:18:57,024
just a couple of episodes, but I don't

2212
01:18:57,024 --> 01:18:58,404
feel like it was sensationalized.

2213
01:18:59,664 --> 01:19:01,684
And things that, like, especially

2214
01:19:02,385 --> 01:19:04,324
like eighties, nineties today, all that,

2215
01:19:04,784 --> 01:19:06,619
it's about the sensationalism

2216
01:19:07,479 --> 01:19:10,439
of it. It's about the shock value. Yeah.

2217
01:19:10,439 --> 01:19:10,939
And

2218
01:19:12,039 --> 01:19:14,199
Twilight Zone was shocking, but it was shocking

2219
01:19:14,199 --> 01:19:15,800
in a quiet way. You know what I

2220
01:19:15,800 --> 01:19:17,720
mean? It was like, did you just the

2221
01:19:17,720 --> 01:19:20,375
glasses break, and anybody who can't see without

2222
01:19:20,375 --> 01:19:23,195
their glasses is crying for that man.

2223
01:19:24,775 --> 01:19:26,775
Right. The other one I remember is the,

2224
01:19:27,175 --> 01:19:29,735
episode which William Shatner is on the plane

2225
01:19:29,975 --> 01:19:33,310
Mhmm. And gremlins tearing the wing apart. I

2226
01:19:33,310 --> 01:19:34,930
don't need another fear unlocked.

2227
01:19:40,030 --> 01:19:41,550
Look. I was a kid with a very

2228
01:19:41,550 --> 01:19:42,449
active imagination

2229
01:19:43,310 --> 01:19:44,430
who took and I'm

2230
01:19:45,070 --> 01:19:46,164
I don't know how much of this is

2231
01:19:46,164 --> 01:19:47,485
just who I am and how much of

2232
01:19:47,485 --> 01:19:50,324
it was little kidness. Yeah. Took everything literal.

2233
01:19:50,324 --> 01:19:52,185
If if an adult told me,

2234
01:19:53,125 --> 01:19:55,364
it was gospel. That is that is how

2235
01:19:55,364 --> 01:19:57,064
the world works. And so

2236
01:19:58,550 --> 01:20:01,429
and then through a storytelling device. Oh my

2237
01:20:01,429 --> 01:20:02,329
oh my god.

2238
01:20:02,630 --> 01:20:03,130
No.

2239
01:20:07,189 --> 01:20:08,329
Anyhoo. Anyway,

2240
01:20:09,349 --> 01:20:11,364
miss Lola has finally calmed the hell down

2241
01:20:11,364 --> 01:20:13,604
and gone to sleep. Yes. Do we know

2242
01:20:13,604 --> 01:20:15,764
where Onyx went? She went back. Back in.

2243
01:20:15,764 --> 01:20:15,925
See

2244
01:20:18,085 --> 01:20:19,864
I don't I don't know. Maybe the door

2245
01:20:20,244 --> 01:20:22,164
got pushed open. I don't know. I don't

2246
01:20:22,164 --> 01:20:22,664
know.

2247
01:20:23,524 --> 01:20:24,505
But her

2248
01:20:25,140 --> 01:20:27,380
entrance scared me so much that I scared

2249
01:20:27,380 --> 01:20:29,460
her, and that's why we did not have

2250
01:20:29,460 --> 01:20:31,479
onyx rubbing up on our microphones. Mhmm.

2251
01:20:32,260 --> 01:20:33,239
Mhmm. So

2252
01:20:33,939 --> 01:20:36,579
Lola's good. Onyx is well, I don't know.

2253
01:20:36,579 --> 01:20:37,539
She might have thought she was having a

2254
01:20:37,539 --> 01:20:39,404
heart attack time there for a second. She's

2255
01:20:39,404 --> 01:20:41,045
good. Ella's good. Ella's good.

2256
01:20:42,465 --> 01:20:44,864
My mom is in town. Mhmm. Not for,

2257
01:20:44,864 --> 01:20:46,784
like, a visit. Like, it's fun, and we're

2258
01:20:46,784 --> 01:20:48,224
gonna do stuff all the time.

2259
01:20:48,784 --> 01:20:52,109
My okay. So my uncle had surgery. Yeah.

2260
01:20:52,510 --> 01:20:54,670
And my aunt is disabled, and my uncle

2261
01:20:54,670 --> 01:20:56,989
usually, like, drives, replaces, takes care of stuff.

2262
01:20:56,989 --> 01:20:57,489
Right?

2263
01:20:57,949 --> 01:20:58,449
So

2264
01:20:59,149 --> 01:21:01,250
he's had surgery and is in the hospital.

2265
01:21:02,270 --> 01:21:04,604
So my aunt needs help doing stuff. My

2266
01:21:04,604 --> 01:21:06,685
mom's like, I am retired. I will come.

2267
01:21:06,685 --> 01:21:07,645
And then when he gets out of the

2268
01:21:07,645 --> 01:21:09,164
hospital, he's gonna have some time. Then he

2269
01:21:09,164 --> 01:21:11,085
needs to recover. He can't, like, do stuff

2270
01:21:11,085 --> 01:21:13,104
as so she's like, I'm staying until

2271
01:21:13,885 --> 01:21:15,824
they're good. I'm like, okay.

2272
01:21:17,180 --> 01:21:19,420
So it's weird knowing, like, we're in the

2273
01:21:19,420 --> 01:21:21,659
same time zone. We're in the same county

2274
01:21:21,659 --> 01:21:24,539
where it's like Yeah. But I'm working, and

2275
01:21:24,539 --> 01:21:27,100
she's, you know, she's taking care of things

2276
01:21:27,100 --> 01:21:28,539
that need to be taken care of.

2277
01:21:28,939 --> 01:21:30,380
But it is nice kinda having her in

2278
01:21:30,380 --> 01:21:30,854
town.

2279
01:21:33,654 --> 01:21:34,795
So yeah. Like,

2280
01:21:35,175 --> 01:21:37,335
when when she wants to chat with me

2281
01:21:37,335 --> 01:21:39,255
or I wanna chat with her, we don't

2282
01:21:39,255 --> 01:21:42,055
have to be like, where's your husband? Hers,

2283
01:21:42,055 --> 01:21:44,130
my evil stepdad. She'd be just she'll be

2284
01:21:44,130 --> 01:21:45,810
like, I'll just step out of the hospital

2285
01:21:45,810 --> 01:21:47,489
room, like, when they're visiting or whatever and

2286
01:21:47,489 --> 01:21:49,329
just call. And so that that's been kinda

2287
01:21:49,329 --> 01:21:50,689
nice. And she's already I know she's gonna

2288
01:21:50,689 --> 01:21:53,170
come over this weekend. Mhmm. Because so the

2289
01:21:53,170 --> 01:21:55,590
rule is and I adore my mother. Okay?

2290
01:21:56,475 --> 01:21:58,335
The rule is for the 2 of us,

2291
01:21:58,395 --> 01:21:59,295
if we are

2292
01:21:59,835 --> 01:22:02,015
sharing the same living space 247,

2293
01:22:02,395 --> 01:22:04,494
our max is 72 hours. Okay?

2294
01:22:06,395 --> 01:22:07,755
If we're seeing one another, as long as

2295
01:22:07,755 --> 01:22:09,195
we get some breaks and we don't do,

2296
01:22:09,195 --> 01:22:11,560
like, 8 hour days every single solitary, we

2297
01:22:11,560 --> 01:22:12,520
can we can go as long as we

2298
01:22:12,520 --> 01:22:15,400
need to. I think the sisters have something

2299
01:22:15,400 --> 01:22:15,900
similar

2300
01:22:17,560 --> 01:22:18,060
because

2301
01:22:18,760 --> 01:22:21,320
in a loving way, I think they're already

2302
01:22:21,320 --> 01:22:22,780
driving each other crazy.

2303
01:22:23,335 --> 01:22:25,574
Yeah. Because there's certain things about them that

2304
01:22:25,574 --> 01:22:26,935
are very similar, and then there are certain

2305
01:22:26,935 --> 01:22:28,234
things about them that are, like,

2306
01:22:28,694 --> 01:22:30,234
complete opposites. Right?

2307
01:22:30,854 --> 01:22:33,335
Like, my mom needs to know what the

2308
01:22:33,335 --> 01:22:34,314
plan is

2309
01:22:34,854 --> 01:22:37,510
from moment to moment. And if you're not

2310
01:22:37,510 --> 01:22:39,850
devising the plan, she will help you

2311
01:22:40,390 --> 01:22:42,250
figure out what the plan is.

2312
01:22:43,029 --> 01:22:45,029
My aunt is a little bit more of

2313
01:22:45,029 --> 01:22:46,409
a a chaos goblin.

2314
01:22:46,789 --> 01:22:48,789
She kinda wants the outline of a plan,

2315
01:22:48,789 --> 01:22:51,364
but she'll just wing it mostly. Right? That's

2316
01:22:51,364 --> 01:22:52,885
the one thing she's gonna whatever the plan

2317
01:22:52,885 --> 01:22:54,344
is, she's not worried about.

2318
01:22:54,725 --> 01:22:56,104
These 2 are clashing

2319
01:22:57,284 --> 01:22:59,364
in a loving way. They love one another,

2320
01:22:59,364 --> 01:22:59,864
but

2321
01:23:00,804 --> 01:23:02,804
I think they make each other crazy. So

2322
01:23:02,804 --> 01:23:04,085
my mom has already been like, I'll see

2323
01:23:04,085 --> 01:23:04,904
you this weekend.

2324
01:23:06,324 --> 01:23:06,824
So,

2325
01:23:07,890 --> 01:23:08,710
yeah. And,

2326
01:23:09,570 --> 01:23:11,890
I know you would not be shocked that

2327
01:23:11,890 --> 01:23:13,510
I'm not the only one in my family

2328
01:23:13,729 --> 01:23:15,110
who talks this much.

2329
01:23:15,489 --> 01:23:17,170
My mom is not the one. It's my

2330
01:23:17,170 --> 01:23:19,890
aunt, and it comes as straight line down

2331
01:23:19,890 --> 01:23:20,789
from my grandma.

2332
01:23:21,494 --> 01:23:24,135
I don't know of anything anybody beyond my

2333
01:23:24,215 --> 01:23:25,274
before my grandmother,

2334
01:23:25,814 --> 01:23:28,774
who was also, like, a nonstop talker. But

2335
01:23:28,774 --> 01:23:30,715
my mother is not a nonstop talker.

2336
01:23:31,095 --> 01:23:32,534
And my aunt tells

2337
01:23:33,109 --> 01:23:35,510
she's the family historian. She remembers the stuff.

2338
01:23:35,510 --> 01:23:37,770
She tells you the story. She like

2339
01:23:39,189 --> 01:23:39,590
I think

2340
01:23:42,630 --> 01:23:44,649
yeah. I'm I we'll see her this weekend.

2341
01:23:47,135 --> 01:23:48,494
I told her though. I said, look. You

2342
01:23:48,494 --> 01:23:49,614
can come to my house. I told her

2343
01:23:49,614 --> 01:23:50,814
she didn't have to wait till the weekend.

2344
01:23:50,814 --> 01:23:52,095
I'm like, you can come to my house

2345
01:23:52,095 --> 01:23:53,614
and just sit in silence, and I won't

2346
01:23:53,614 --> 01:23:54,895
say a word to you until you talk

2347
01:23:54,895 --> 01:23:56,574
to me first if that is what you

2348
01:23:56,574 --> 01:23:57,074
need.

2349
01:23:57,534 --> 01:24:00,414
I know how people like us are. Like,

2350
01:24:00,414 --> 01:24:01,454
I know what we

2351
01:24:02,175 --> 01:24:05,189
what us talkers can do to our loved

2352
01:24:05,189 --> 01:24:06,729
ones who are not talkers.

2353
01:24:07,989 --> 01:24:10,149
Mhmm. I also know as even though I

2354
01:24:10,149 --> 01:24:12,069
am a talker, what it's like to be

2355
01:24:12,069 --> 01:24:14,469
talked out like that. I love the oldest

2356
01:24:14,469 --> 01:24:16,550
with every fiber of my being. But I

2357
01:24:16,550 --> 01:24:18,435
have learned the art of going, mhmm.

2358
01:24:19,234 --> 01:24:21,475
Yeah. Because sometimes he doesn't he don't really

2359
01:24:21,475 --> 01:24:23,234
want you to respond anyway. He just wants

2360
01:24:23,234 --> 01:24:24,774
to think out loud. Mhmm.

2361
01:24:25,074 --> 01:24:26,914
Cool. I'm glad you didn't need really need

2362
01:24:26,914 --> 01:24:28,935
me here for this. It's fine.

2363
01:24:29,395 --> 01:24:29,895
So

2364
01:24:31,475 --> 01:24:31,975
but,

2365
01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:35,780
yeah. So that's us. Yeah.

2366
01:24:36,880 --> 01:24:38,640
I made my own throat hurt talking about

2367
01:24:38,640 --> 01:24:39,380
this topic.

2368
01:24:40,079 --> 01:24:42,399
You talked a lot. I always talked. But

2369
01:24:42,399 --> 01:24:43,860
you had good things to say.

2370
01:24:46,175 --> 01:24:47,234
I'll let others decide.

2371
01:24:51,774 --> 01:24:52,274
But,

2372
01:24:53,054 --> 01:24:54,675
yeah, this is just it's

2373
01:24:55,934 --> 01:24:58,014
this is the un this today's whole this

2374
01:24:58,014 --> 01:24:59,774
week's whole topic was the unsexy part of

2375
01:24:59,774 --> 01:25:02,059
Power Yeah. It's the part where rubber meets

2376
01:25:02,059 --> 01:25:03,119
the road. Mhmm.

2377
01:25:03,979 --> 01:25:06,380
So True. True. True. Oh, no. Onyx, please

2378
01:25:06,380 --> 01:25:07,679
don't rub against the tripod.

2379
01:25:08,219 --> 01:25:09,279
I'll get the camera.

2380
01:25:10,460 --> 01:25:11,420
Let's see if I can get her up

2381
01:25:11,420 --> 01:25:14,380
here. I was trying Oh, her little eyes.

2382
01:25:14,380 --> 01:25:14,880
Really?

2383
01:25:15,845 --> 01:25:16,585
No. She's

2384
01:25:16,965 --> 01:25:18,104
not. Hi, Nix.

2385
01:25:18,645 --> 01:25:19,145
Nope.

2386
01:25:19,765 --> 01:25:22,405
Not for me. No. I tried, but maybe

2387
01:25:23,045 --> 01:25:24,345
She loves you.

2388
01:25:27,445 --> 01:25:28,564
If we can get her up here

2389
01:25:29,284 --> 01:25:31,739
What'd she do? She tried climbing my leg.

2390
01:25:32,300 --> 01:25:33,980
Well, I think she's still trying. I just

2391
01:25:33,980 --> 01:25:35,039
saw her little ears.

2392
01:25:39,659 --> 01:25:41,579
Oh goodness. You know, she's gonna go rub

2393
01:25:41,579 --> 01:25:44,300
on our cardboard boxes and probably dig in

2394
01:25:44,300 --> 01:25:46,300
the trash can to find plastic to eat.

2395
01:25:46,300 --> 01:25:46,574
Yeah.

2396
01:25:47,454 --> 01:25:48,815
Yeah. God. Yeah. She is one of those

2397
01:25:48,815 --> 01:25:50,494
cats where we go, stop eating plastic. Stop

2398
01:25:50,494 --> 01:25:51,635
eating plastic. Right.

2399
01:25:53,695 --> 01:25:54,895
So anyway Anyhoo.

2400
01:25:55,295 --> 01:25:55,775
We,

2401
01:25:56,735 --> 01:25:59,454
we're gonna go. Yeah. Yeah. Time to put

2402
01:25:59,454 --> 01:26:02,010
her feet up for the night. Yeah. Mhmm.

2403
01:26:02,250 --> 01:26:03,469
Yeah. Yep.

2404
01:26:05,130 --> 01:26:06,189
Yeah. Yeah.

2405
01:26:06,729 --> 01:26:08,170
I guess that's all I got. Just know,

2406
01:26:08,170 --> 01:26:09,529
we are not the end all be all

2407
01:26:09,529 --> 01:26:11,769
arbiters on these topics No. Because it is

2408
01:26:11,769 --> 01:26:13,849
a very unique thing. You have to find

2409
01:26:13,849 --> 01:26:15,949
your own unique path forward. Right.

2410
01:26:18,404 --> 01:26:19,224
But yeah.

2411
01:26:20,244 --> 01:26:22,024
So yeah. I guess we're gonna go. Yep.

2412
01:26:22,404 --> 01:26:23,944
And we will see y'all

2413
01:26:24,724 --> 01:26:28,344
next week. Yep. Yep. Okay. Bye. Bye.