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You're listening to the loving BDSM podcast episode

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413. Kayla Lords here with the one, the

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only, the oh, I love that shirt you're

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wearing.

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1 and only John Brownstone. His shirt said

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because I said so little girl. It would

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be better if you said baby girl, but

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still still, I love that shirt. Yeah. I

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love that shirt. Mhmm. Good. Yeah. Yeah. That's

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all we're talking about though.

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This week, we are still on our back

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to basics series, but we're kind of backtracking

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to sort of the very first thing that

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we could have talked about. I didn't know

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it was an issue until everybody started asking,

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where do I meet a dom or a

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sub in the first damn place? So let's

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talk about that. Welcome to the Living BDSM

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podcast. If this your first time listening, glad

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to have you. If you're back for another

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week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every

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Monday Friday for your kinky pleasure in education,

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and show notes are found at loving BDSM.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on Fetlife at

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loving BDSM PC

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle,

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I will forever motherfucking hate,

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loving d s and the number one. So

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it's at loving d s 1 or on

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YouTube at youtube.com/

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loving BDSM, where you can watch us live

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from the podcast every Wednesday.

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All links are in the show notes.

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Okay.

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Oh, podcast listeners, I don't know if, you

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should be grateful that you do not hear

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the chaos

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in between our intro and us getting into

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the episode or not. I don't know. But

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the poor YouTube folk, I'm so sorry. I

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don't know what that innuendo was even about.

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Yep. Okay. So,

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before we get into this week's topic, which

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is probably gonna be a big one because

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the the series seems to be, I would

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like to thank this week's sponsor. It's not

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us.

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It is FLOR,

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a dating app, a kink positive, kink aware,

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but not kink focused

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dating app. They consider themselves a nonjudgmental

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space where any kinkster should be able to

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feel comfortable.

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The crowd is familiar with BDSM, but you

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won't find just kinksters there.

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And they set the expectation

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from the time you sign up for the

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app, which I did, thank you very much,

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that boundaries are gonna be respected. They do

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not tolerate, and they even have mechanisms for

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not just sending, you know, unsolicited dick pics

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and nudes and stuff. There was language in

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the opening of the app when I was

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signing up, and I went to go find

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it again. Like, oh, that was a good

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thing they said about and I couldn't find

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it again. But when you're signing up for

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the app, it tells you right there. Like,

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we don't allow this. You have to do

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this before you can, you know, send certain

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kinds of pics, whatever whatever.

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So that that's nice to Mhmm.

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That's nice to see and hear and experience.

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Every user is verified to minimize

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scammers and catfishing. Nothing is perfect, but they

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are actively trying. They're they're trying. Yeah. Right.

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They are very pleasure focused,

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femme focused. They had a thing on their

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guidelines. I don't know how,

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current it is, but it said that, men

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have to be invited into the app, which

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I did invite you

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as my as my partner.

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So I don't know if that's still true.

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So, guys, if you're like, hey. I would

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like to check this out. See see what

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it see what it says. Because as you're

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signing

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up, you answer a bunch of questions about

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yourself, and one is gender. It is not

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just 2 choices. It's not even just 3.

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It's like

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like 7 or 8 options. It was pretty

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extensive. Yes. And then you pick, you choose

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your, sexual identity,

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straight,

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bi, lesbian, gay, and blah blah blah. But

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then you pick your sexuality, and that list

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was interesting because it was asexual,

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demisexual, sapiosexual,

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and, like, 5 or 6 others that I

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didn't take note of because I was like,

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oh, those are the ones I really recognize.

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Know what those mean.

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So, yeah, they're they're trying to be as

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inclusive as possible.

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They don't

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how do they put it? They they say

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specifically, we do not draw,

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age, gender, race, or other lines.

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Anyone is welcome to embark on an adventure

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and be open and honest on their journey

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to intimacy and genuine connections, which does make

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me wonder about because y'all. They were like,

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well, could we sponsor y'all? And I was

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like, yeah. Sure. Let me go let me

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go check y'all out. And I'm all over

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their website. So their website community guidelines say

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men have to be invited, but then they

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say, we're open to all genders. So if

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you're a man and you're like, this sounds

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right up my alley, let me know because

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something might have changed and shifted over time.

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It is a free app. It is free

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to sign up, but to get full features,

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you do have to pay.

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They have a free trial, 3 days, I

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think it is. So if you're like, okay.

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This is this is looking like my jam.

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I kinda like what I'm seeing here.

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You can do the free trial, see if

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you want to go deeper and get more.

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If you they you are welcome if you

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are single or in an existing relationship.

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I sent JB the invite link as I

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was signing up. So I'm like, yes. I

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am in a relationship. And, yes, I would

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like to be connected to my partner here

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because I'm scared of strangers, y'all.

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So that's how you ended up signing up.

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I sent you the link.

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And yeah. So

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we're talking about where where to meet, folk.

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And if,

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you are looking to meet potential new partners,

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give the FLOOR app a a little check

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out there. Take a look at it. See

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if it's your thing. You can download it

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for free. Sign up for free. Look around.

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No commitment. All that good stuff.

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Yeah. And thanks again to Floor for,

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sponsoring. The link to, access it is in

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the places. YouTube, it's in the description box.

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Podcast folks, it's in the show notes. So

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you don't have to go searching for anything.

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Just go find the link and clicky clicky,

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tappy tappy,

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something like that.

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Okay. Did we just scare Flora off? Maybe.

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But I warned them.

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Okay. So, yeah, thanks again to Flora for

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sponsoring

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this week's episode.

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And it did it was it was prescient

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that the this was our sponsor, and this

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question was being asked

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so often on

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Instagram. Where do I meet somebody? And I'm

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like,

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wherever people are.

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So we're

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we're gonna try

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and give a slightly deeper dive because it

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is both a very simple,

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answer and a complex one. Right? Like it's

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it is literally

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go to,

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go to where the people are, but then

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it's like but then sift through

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and figure out who is not only kinky,

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but you're kind of kinky. Now now see,

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it was asked in in chat, do bears

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need an invite?

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Well,

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the bears in the woods being preferable for

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some of us,

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probably not.

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Okay. So I have attempted

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to,

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separate this out into all kinds of different

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options because

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my personal opinion is

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I think that it because it is both

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very simple and very complex that

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people

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make it

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feel harder than it already is. It's already

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hard enough to meet somebody. Let's just get

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that out of the way. Okay? When people

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are like, I wanna meet somebody like John

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Brownstone. How did y'all meet? I'm like, well,

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first you have to go back to 2012,

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and you have to start a blog at

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a time when you could still find blogs

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through Google searches. And you have to, like,

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put your soul

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and your ass on the Internet and then

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break up with a a previous partner and

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bleed on the page. And then this nice

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person has to show up in your comments,

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and you have to get into conversations.

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And I don't think our way is going

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to help any fucking body. Okay.

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Ours was a genuine friendship connection,

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but you could not replicate that in a

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laboratory anywhere. Like,

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it was an online meet cute, I think

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is what the kids call it these days.

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Oh, god. I don't know. I'm old.

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But, you know, it's it's as difficult as

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meeting anybody else, I think. But with the

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added layer of I have to tell them

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I'm kinky and they and they have to

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want to be kinky and then our kinks

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have to align. Yeah. And so that is

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that does make it more difficult, but I,

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you know, I just the way I hear

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people talking about it, sometimes I'm like, but

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just go go where people are.

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So to narrow that down so it's not

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just this flippant answer, well, go be where

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the people are, Ariel. You know?

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Let's actually talk about some places that

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you can meet a potential dom or sub

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Mhmm. And some things to keep in mind,

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as you're in those spaces because every space

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will be different because every space has its

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own culture. And depending on the type of

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space, you will have rules that you have

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to abide by,

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which can complicate it or not. Okay?

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So the very first one I've got on

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our list are social media platforms. And I

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don't mean because we're gonna get to it.

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I don't mean fat life. I don't mean

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the kink focused ones. I mean, the ones

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where we're already all doom scrolling anyway.

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Instagram,

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TikTok, threads,

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x.

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That's Twitter. We're not calling it x.

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Yeah.

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Where people

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are

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is

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where you can meet a potential kink partner.

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The hard part with the non kink focused

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social media platforms, they're free. They're accessible for

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most people. They're easy to get on. That's

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great.

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They're all all well, Twitter's not. Many of

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them are very sex negative, kink negative. So

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it's actually hard to do searches for hashtags

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and whatever else.

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Twitter has gone so far the other way

268
00:10:04,139 --> 00:10:06,559
that if you're not bombarded with politics,

269
00:10:07,259 --> 00:10:09,855
you will be bombarded with nudity. And if

270
00:10:09,855 --> 00:10:11,774
you're into nudity, that's great. Like, if you're

271
00:10:11,774 --> 00:10:13,695
here for the porn bots, go have fun

272
00:10:13,695 --> 00:10:16,095
with the porn bots. But that's not always

273
00:10:16,095 --> 00:10:17,615
helpful when you're like, I'm actually trying to

274
00:10:17,615 --> 00:10:20,274
meet people and connect with people. Yeah.

275
00:10:21,295 --> 00:10:24,250
And Twitter's just made it harder. If you're

276
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:25,070
not paying,

277
00:10:26,329 --> 00:10:28,169
to be verified and for premium access, they

278
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,409
make it harder to be found and to

279
00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:33,629
find folks. You mostly see the paid folks,

280
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:36,875
you know, first and foremost. So Twitter

281
00:10:37,254 --> 00:10:39,654
is actually less reliable. There was a time

282
00:10:39,654 --> 00:10:41,095
we would give this advice, be like, go

283
00:10:41,095 --> 00:10:43,355
your ass to Twitter, find you some BDSM

284
00:10:43,495 --> 00:10:45,754
hashtags because you will find the kinky people.

285
00:10:45,894 --> 00:10:46,955
And these days?

286
00:10:47,894 --> 00:10:48,695
Yeah. It's,

287
00:10:49,495 --> 00:10:50,955
there there's a lot of,

288
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,379
and between Instagram

289
00:10:56,199 --> 00:10:57,019
and Twitter,

290
00:10:58,279 --> 00:10:59,659
a lot of thirst traps.

291
00:11:00,199 --> 00:11:02,360
Oh, god. Yeah. Like, the whole point is

292
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,319
the thirst trap. Yeah. Look, my new favorite

293
00:11:05,319 --> 00:11:08,754
evening activity is to send the thirst traps

294
00:11:08,754 --> 00:11:11,334
that I find sexy that knowing JB's,

295
00:11:12,914 --> 00:11:14,995
knowing JB, I'm like, oh, he'll find this

296
00:11:14,995 --> 00:11:17,334
intriguing as well. And I just send him

297
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:19,554
thirst traps that I find. I'm like, that

298
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:22,259
person had no shame and neither do I

299
00:11:22,259 --> 00:11:22,759
sham.

300
00:11:25,139 --> 00:11:28,100
So, you know, people who are being sexy

301
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:28,759
and kinky

302
00:11:29,459 --> 00:11:32,500
online on social media spaces, they're there now.

303
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,579
The thing is is the most active of

304
00:11:34,579 --> 00:11:35,079
them,

305
00:11:35,504 --> 00:11:37,345
the ones whose content you're probably finding and

306
00:11:37,345 --> 00:11:38,804
watching are either giving advice,

307
00:11:39,184 --> 00:11:39,684
educating,

308
00:11:40,465 --> 00:11:42,644
or they're thirst traps. So,

309
00:11:43,825 --> 00:11:45,985
it's not I found a few that are

310
00:11:45,985 --> 00:11:46,485
both.

311
00:11:47,585 --> 00:11:49,129
Yeah. I mean, if I thought I could

312
00:11:49,129 --> 00:11:51,549
get away with it, sure. I just nope.

313
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:53,610
Don't nope. That's not that's not the the

314
00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:54,509
role for me.

315
00:11:55,769 --> 00:11:57,289
So it is harder than it used to

316
00:11:57,289 --> 00:11:59,690
be. Facebook, for all that Facebook sucks. I

317
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:01,610
hate Facebook. I have to keep Facebook for

318
00:12:01,610 --> 00:12:03,735
professional reasons. I never go on Facebook.

319
00:12:05,414 --> 00:12:07,914
That is still the home of secret groups

320
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:11,095
that people have created that somehow thousands of

321
00:12:11,095 --> 00:12:14,134
people in it. The the downside to social

322
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:15,654
media is if you get into a group

323
00:12:15,654 --> 00:12:18,250
that has thousands of people, there's almost no

324
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:18,750
real

325
00:12:19,370 --> 00:12:22,570
vetting process. You're you're in a kinkish space,

326
00:12:22,570 --> 00:12:24,409
but you don't quite know who you've come

327
00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:27,210
across. But, again, you're aware the people are.

328
00:12:27,210 --> 00:12:29,129
If that is the app you really enjoy

329
00:12:29,129 --> 00:12:30,865
using and you connect with people there and

330
00:12:30,865 --> 00:12:32,865
you feel comfortable commenting on things and having

331
00:12:32,865 --> 00:12:35,284
conversations with people in comments,

332
00:12:35,904 --> 00:12:36,964
it is possible

333
00:12:38,144 --> 00:12:39,445
to come across a person

334
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:41,424
and get to know them and take it

335
00:12:41,424 --> 00:12:44,065
to, you know, DMs and friend and follow

336
00:12:44,065 --> 00:12:45,049
and and connect.

337
00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:46,610
But

338
00:12:47,669 --> 00:12:48,889
it is also a crapshoot.

339
00:12:49,589 --> 00:12:51,350
Well, you know what they say about the

340
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:54,149
Internet. Mhmm. Great place to meet person who

341
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:56,470
has, the same kinks as yours, but they

342
00:12:56,470 --> 00:12:58,934
live, halfway around the globe. Yeah. They're usually

343
00:12:58,934 --> 00:13:00,535
across the ocean. You know, there's that there's

344
00:13:00,535 --> 00:13:02,535
that. I was just really grateful you were

345
00:13:02,535 --> 00:13:04,634
across the state. I came across the state.

346
00:13:04,695 --> 00:13:05,195
Yep.

347
00:13:08,295 --> 00:13:10,134
So I I always like to say social

348
00:13:10,134 --> 00:13:11,389
media platforms

349
00:13:11,930 --> 00:13:14,330
because look. Tumblr, for all that it went

350
00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:14,830
real

351
00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:17,610
kink negative and sex negative for a hot

352
00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:18,350
minute there,

353
00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:21,950
and devalued itself to a ridiculous level,

354
00:13:22,649 --> 00:13:25,050
does still exist, and kinky people are still

355
00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:26,524
there. There. Yeah. There are kinky people on

356
00:13:26,524 --> 00:13:28,605
TikTok. Now TikTok is one of those places

357
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:30,384
it's not really made for

358
00:13:31,164 --> 00:13:33,164
connection, not in the way that I think

359
00:13:33,164 --> 00:13:35,644
of connecting to people. I don't doubt that

360
00:13:35,644 --> 00:13:37,565
it happens. I don't doubt that there's somebody

361
00:13:37,565 --> 00:13:39,750
who's met somebody who posted a thing or

362
00:13:39,750 --> 00:13:41,269
left a comment, and you've made that connection.

363
00:13:41,269 --> 00:13:43,190
And I'm very happy for you. Problem with

364
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,950
some place like TikTok when it comes to

365
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:45,929
kink content

366
00:13:46,629 --> 00:13:47,450
is that they

367
00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:50,149
tend to be pretty kink negative, and they're

368
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,549
they ban accounts left, right, and center. One

369
00:13:52,549 --> 00:13:54,134
day, there's a person that was there, and

370
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,654
the next day, they're gone. They're gone. And

371
00:13:55,654 --> 00:13:56,955
they've created their 15th,

372
00:13:58,774 --> 00:14:00,774
account. And you don't know their name anymore

373
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:02,774
because it's their name with 85 numbers behind

374
00:14:02,774 --> 00:14:04,475
it. And, like, it's just it's

375
00:14:05,334 --> 00:14:07,674
complicated, but it is possible.

376
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,649
Part of it and this is true of

377
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:11,470
every place,

378
00:14:12,330 --> 00:14:13,870
everything we list here.

379
00:14:14,490 --> 00:14:16,889
And it's the reason I'm if you don't

380
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:19,210
approach me, I'm never gonna meet somebody. It

381
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:20,865
is you do have to talk to

382
00:14:21,985 --> 00:14:22,485
folk.

383
00:14:23,264 --> 00:14:24,945
You I mean, it's you you have to

384
00:14:24,945 --> 00:14:27,664
leave a comment. You have to comment in

385
00:14:27,664 --> 00:14:30,304
a way that's not, you know, being a

386
00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:31,745
troll. You have to, like, be a real

387
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,945
person, and that requires a vulnerability that some

388
00:14:34,945 --> 00:14:37,509
people don't deserve. Even that level of vulnerability,

389
00:14:37,809 --> 00:14:39,350
some people won't respond to.

390
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,209
But but they they don't just know you're

391
00:14:42,209 --> 00:14:42,709
there

392
00:14:43,009 --> 00:14:45,350
watching or following or you know?

393
00:14:45,730 --> 00:14:47,190
You do tend to have to

394
00:14:48,985 --> 00:14:51,304
say something to somebody first so that you

395
00:14:51,304 --> 00:14:52,684
can start a conversation

396
00:14:53,465 --> 00:14:55,065
unless they happen to talk to you first,

397
00:14:55,065 --> 00:14:56,665
and I am down for that because that's

398
00:14:56,665 --> 00:14:58,904
how that works with me. I don't approach

399
00:14:58,904 --> 00:15:00,345
no damn body. You gotta talk to me

400
00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:01,555
first. But if you talk to me first

401
00:15:01,555 --> 00:15:01,638
and my my mental health is wrong or

402
00:15:01,638 --> 00:15:01,732
my vibe the vibe is off, then you'll

403
00:15:01,743 --> 00:15:03,329
I will ignore you and I health is

404
00:15:03,329 --> 00:15:05,089
wrong or my vibe the vibe is off,

405
00:15:05,089 --> 00:15:06,929
then you'll I will ignore you, and I'm

406
00:15:06,929 --> 00:15:08,449
really good. I didn't see that comment. I

407
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,750
don't know what you're talking about.

408
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,850
So don't ever ask me about this other

409
00:15:12,850 --> 00:15:13,350
than

410
00:15:13,730 --> 00:15:15,269
this kind of information because

411
00:15:16,129 --> 00:15:18,465
no. Okay. The next one,

412
00:15:19,024 --> 00:15:20,945
we're still kind of in the vanilla sphere,

413
00:15:20,945 --> 00:15:23,764
but not completely, and that's dating apps. So

414
00:15:24,225 --> 00:15:27,125
Floor that sponsored this week's episode is 1.

415
00:15:27,264 --> 00:15:29,904
But there is Tinder and there is is

416
00:15:29,904 --> 00:15:33,540
OkCupid still around? Yeah. There's Hinge and there's

417
00:15:33,779 --> 00:15:35,940
is Hinge am I remembering the word names

418
00:15:35,940 --> 00:15:38,600
right? There's other dating apps, y'all.

419
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:40,679
If you are a person

420
00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:43,139
who loves a good dating app and that's

421
00:15:43,139 --> 00:15:45,559
where you meet people and you are comfortable

422
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:46,345
in that space

423
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,085
Mhmm. You can use that space

424
00:15:49,705 --> 00:15:51,565
to try to meet kinky people.

425
00:15:52,105 --> 00:15:53,945
A couple of things, and it's true on

426
00:15:53,945 --> 00:15:55,565
your social media as well.

427
00:15:56,024 --> 00:15:58,585
Do you want your government name and your

428
00:15:58,585 --> 00:15:59,085
picture

429
00:15:59,639 --> 00:16:02,279
associated with kink? Are you comfortable with that?

430
00:16:02,279 --> 00:16:04,360
Do you feel safe enough for that? There

431
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,519
are people in very specific careers who are

432
00:16:06,519 --> 00:16:09,480
never gonna put their their actual face or

433
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,815
actual name next to the word kinky. It's

434
00:16:11,815 --> 00:16:14,074
not safe for them. Mhmm. Other people

435
00:16:14,534 --> 00:16:16,695
either don't have to worry about that, don't

436
00:16:16,695 --> 00:16:18,294
care if it is something they might have

437
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:20,154
to worry about it. They're just open and

438
00:16:20,214 --> 00:16:21,735
they're at a stage of life. They're in

439
00:16:21,735 --> 00:16:22,954
a certain type of career.

440
00:16:23,334 --> 00:16:25,120
We're at a stage of life. I use

441
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,459
the name Kayla Lords for my own privacy,

442
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,679
anonymity, and comfort, but shit, my face is

443
00:16:29,679 --> 00:16:30,959
out there. My other things are out there

444
00:16:30,959 --> 00:16:33,220
too, but you're the same way. You know?

445
00:16:34,079 --> 00:16:35,919
John is actually your real first name. We've

446
00:16:35,919 --> 00:16:38,000
never hid that. It's just the last name

447
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:38,899
gives a

448
00:16:39,245 --> 00:16:40,304
layer of privacy,

449
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,245
but we put our face out there because

450
00:16:43,245 --> 00:16:44,684
we live a type of life where we

451
00:16:44,684 --> 00:16:45,745
are a lot less,

452
00:16:46,764 --> 00:16:48,865
concerned about being attached to

453
00:16:49,325 --> 00:16:50,784
kink and kinky fuckery.

454
00:16:51,529 --> 00:16:52,750
A dating app,

455
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,149
one of 2 things.

456
00:16:55,529 --> 00:16:58,090
You either start out going, this is me

457
00:16:58,090 --> 00:16:59,610
and I'm kinky and I'm looking for a

458
00:16:59,610 --> 00:17:00,429
kinky partner,

459
00:17:00,730 --> 00:17:02,970
and then deal with that however that plays

460
00:17:02,970 --> 00:17:04,490
out. And we could talk about that as

461
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,509
we go through as we talk about this.

462
00:17:06,615 --> 00:17:07,115
Or

463
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:09,414
you do what a lot of people do

464
00:17:09,414 --> 00:17:11,494
on social media accounts too, is you create

465
00:17:11,494 --> 00:17:13,255
you you a fake name and a fake

466
00:17:13,255 --> 00:17:13,755
whatever.

467
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,815
You have to follow the rules of the

468
00:17:15,815 --> 00:17:17,654
app though, like for verification and stuff like

469
00:17:17,654 --> 00:17:19,255
that. And that can get tricky because there

470
00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:21,095
are places that won't let you use a

471
00:17:21,095 --> 00:17:21,914
fake name.

472
00:17:22,279 --> 00:17:23,639
You know? That you just have to be

473
00:17:23,639 --> 00:17:25,319
careful with that, but that is one way

474
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:27,000
that people do it. Right. They're like, I'm

475
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:27,980
using a pseudonym.

476
00:17:28,759 --> 00:17:29,419
You know?

477
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,639
I'll I'll tell a person who earns my

478
00:17:31,639 --> 00:17:33,880
trust what my real name is. You know?

479
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,984
In some places, it's obvious you're using a

480
00:17:36,065 --> 00:17:38,644
pseudonym. We don't think you're sweet baby princess

481
00:17:38,704 --> 00:17:39,204
69420.

482
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:41,904
We know that's not your name. We know

483
00:17:41,904 --> 00:17:43,204
that is your handle.

484
00:17:43,505 --> 00:17:45,424
It's okay. You can tell somebody your name

485
00:17:45,424 --> 00:17:46,785
when you're ready. But if you're like me

486
00:17:46,785 --> 00:17:48,224
and you use a name that sounds like

487
00:17:48,224 --> 00:17:48,884
a name,

488
00:17:49,559 --> 00:17:50,619
at some point,

489
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,519
you might have to go, yeah. I I

490
00:17:52,519 --> 00:17:54,839
did that for anonymity, but here's my real

491
00:17:54,839 --> 00:17:55,339
name.

492
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,759
And that's a thing to consider. Mhmm. I've

493
00:17:58,759 --> 00:18:01,000
always just been really straight up with, yeah,

494
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,595
this is the name I use for this,

495
00:18:02,755 --> 00:18:05,234
but that's that's not my legal name. Yeah.

496
00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:05,734
And,

497
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,275
you know, the people who get to know

498
00:18:08,275 --> 00:18:10,454
my legal name, it's either an oopsie daisy

499
00:18:11,154 --> 00:18:13,815
or am I trusted enough to tell them.

500
00:18:15,474 --> 00:18:16,775
You do more

501
00:18:18,789 --> 00:18:21,349
potential dating than I do. Mhmm. And I

502
00:18:21,349 --> 00:18:23,190
know in the past, there were times where

503
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:24,789
you were on platforms that were kind of

504
00:18:24,789 --> 00:18:26,089
like dating platforms,

505
00:18:26,630 --> 00:18:29,049
social platforms that were geared towards

506
00:18:29,670 --> 00:18:30,809
kink, polyamory.

507
00:18:31,505 --> 00:18:34,725
Yeah. Like, what is your experience with that?

508
00:18:35,985 --> 00:18:38,725
I I tried a a poly dating site

509
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,485
one time, a number of years ago.

510
00:18:42,465 --> 00:18:44,404
I was not really impressed with it

511
00:18:46,809 --> 00:18:47,309
And,

512
00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:51,150
I have met

513
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,390
folks off of FetLife.

514
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:56,990
Mhmm. I have met folks through Discord. Mhmm.

515
00:18:58,984 --> 00:19:01,005
And I've met folks through munches.

516
00:19:01,785 --> 00:19:03,384
Which is on our list. We're gonna get

517
00:19:03,384 --> 00:19:03,884
there.

518
00:19:04,825 --> 00:19:05,325
So,

519
00:19:07,065 --> 00:19:09,884
you know, as far as as dating sites,

520
00:19:11,144 --> 00:19:13,079
other than the one couple years back,

521
00:19:13,559 --> 00:19:15,079
I had not really dipped my toes in

522
00:19:15,079 --> 00:19:17,159
it, just because of a lot of what

523
00:19:17,159 --> 00:19:19,480
I hear from people saying. Yeah. And I

524
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,799
look You know? And I think it's okay

525
00:19:21,799 --> 00:19:23,079
if you go. I don't wanna do data

526
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,419
gaps like Yeah. You know? And,

527
00:19:26,495 --> 00:19:28,815
and actually, I'm I'm a little curious to

528
00:19:28,815 --> 00:19:30,275
dig a little deeper into

529
00:19:30,575 --> 00:19:32,275
Into floor. Into floor. Yeah.

530
00:19:32,575 --> 00:19:34,815
And and really see because I I was

531
00:19:34,815 --> 00:19:35,855
very impressed in the

532
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:38,735
just through the sign up process. That, I

533
00:19:38,735 --> 00:19:40,515
did not expect it to be No.

534
00:19:41,167 --> 00:19:43,440
As there were several steps to it. They

535
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,720
were really easy to go through, but it

536
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,380
was, like,

537
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,180
it it was it was it felt inclusive

538
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,720
from Yeah. From my perspective. Mhmm. Other people

539
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,444
might have a different perspective. But You know,

540
00:19:54,164 --> 00:19:56,585
yeah. That that's just kinda how I've been

541
00:19:57,284 --> 00:19:59,764
There are kinky dating apps. I have not

542
00:19:59,764 --> 00:20:02,024
tried them. I've heard about them.

543
00:20:02,565 --> 00:20:04,244
I know their name pops up from time

544
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:04,904
to time.

545
00:20:05,444 --> 00:20:07,380
A kinky dating app gives you, I would

546
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:10,019
imagine, the best of both worlds of, like,

547
00:20:10,019 --> 00:20:12,119
a kink site, like, we're gonna get into,

548
00:20:12,179 --> 00:20:13,480
and the dating app,

549
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,000
system.

550
00:20:16,419 --> 00:20:19,585
And that truly, as we get into the

551
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:21,265
idea of a kinky dating app and then

552
00:20:21,265 --> 00:20:23,525
places like Fetlife, fetish.com,

553
00:20:24,304 --> 00:20:26,484
The Cage. Mhmm. Any BDSM

554
00:20:26,865 --> 00:20:27,924
themed platform

555
00:20:28,304 --> 00:20:30,724
that is designed specifically for kinksters

556
00:20:31,369 --> 00:20:33,210
and tends to allow a lot of wild

557
00:20:33,210 --> 00:20:33,710
behavior.

558
00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:35,950
Not all, but a lot.

559
00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:38,170
That to me is the best of both

560
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,009
worlds because that is a space where it

561
00:20:40,009 --> 00:20:42,410
is understood you are kinky. It is understood

562
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:44,430
you probably are not using your real name.

563
00:20:44,804 --> 00:20:46,424
It is a place to

564
00:20:46,804 --> 00:20:49,444
learn about and explore and get to know

565
00:20:49,444 --> 00:20:49,944
people

566
00:20:50,325 --> 00:20:52,404
with all of the same problems as every

567
00:20:52,404 --> 00:20:53,944
other platform out there,

568
00:20:55,444 --> 00:20:57,764
in that people won't read bios, people won't

569
00:20:57,764 --> 00:21:00,349
respect boundaries, the DMs will get crazy,

570
00:21:00,809 --> 00:21:02,650
the block and delete button has got to

571
00:21:02,650 --> 00:21:05,049
become your friend. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh,

572
00:21:05,049 --> 00:21:06,970
yes. And it I get where some where

573
00:21:06,970 --> 00:21:09,049
some people might go. It feels more extreme

574
00:21:09,049 --> 00:21:10,809
in a place like FetLife because it's all

575
00:21:10,809 --> 00:21:13,674
so kink focused. You're not just getting

576
00:21:14,134 --> 00:21:16,375
the random DM of, hey. You're getting the

577
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:19,174
random DM of, hey. Submit to me now,

578
00:21:19,174 --> 00:21:21,654
slave. And you're like, bitch, I'm a fucking

579
00:21:21,654 --> 00:21:23,654
dominant. Who the fuck are you talk or

580
00:21:23,654 --> 00:21:25,255
you are submissive and you're like, what the

581
00:21:25,255 --> 00:21:27,095
fuck? I don't even know you. Get away.

582
00:21:27,095 --> 00:21:27,595
Right?

583
00:21:28,049 --> 00:21:29,590
There's a there's an added

584
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:31,970
layer I mean of it. You know, let

585
00:21:32,049 --> 00:21:34,710
let's be honest. FetLife really isn't a dating

586
00:21:34,930 --> 00:21:37,330
site per se. It's just a social media.

587
00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:39,570
It it it's a social media platform for

588
00:21:39,570 --> 00:21:40,789
kinksters to

589
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:41,750
connect.

590
00:21:42,825 --> 00:21:43,804
Have people met

591
00:21:44,424 --> 00:21:47,164
someone through FetLife? Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes.

592
00:21:47,865 --> 00:21:48,664
You know, it

593
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:52,904
you know, it it's just, you know, you

594
00:21:52,904 --> 00:21:55,400
talk about the bad of FetLife. Yes. It

595
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,400
exists. It is there. You you can't ignore

596
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,160
it. It's there. No. You know? But there

597
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,059
there's also,

598
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,640
you know, a a good side. Absolutely. It's

599
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,440
a it's a useful tool if you kinda

600
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,595
decide what your focus is there. Mhmm. I

601
00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:10,855
I should not be treated as a dating

602
00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:13,875
site or a dating app. No. It's social

603
00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:16,275
media where people can meet one another. The

604
00:22:16,275 --> 00:22:17,255
difference is

605
00:22:17,555 --> 00:22:18,295
is that

606
00:22:18,674 --> 00:22:19,174
while

607
00:22:19,529 --> 00:22:20,670
some people might,

608
00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:22,830
and they do purposely use,

609
00:22:24,170 --> 00:22:27,289
Instagram, Facebook, whatever, whatever to, you know, go

610
00:22:27,289 --> 00:22:29,230
find somebody, slide into some DMs,

611
00:22:29,529 --> 00:22:31,390
see what they can make happen.

612
00:22:33,945 --> 00:22:36,285
There's something about it on FetLife that

613
00:22:36,984 --> 00:22:39,484
it is okay if you find that kinda

614
00:22:39,545 --> 00:22:41,625
gross behavior and it's a a boundary you

615
00:22:41,625 --> 00:22:43,545
don't want crossed and you don't like it.

616
00:22:43,545 --> 00:22:45,865
But it also makes more sense to me

617
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,220
there that it happens.

618
00:22:47,779 --> 00:22:48,279
Mhmm.

619
00:22:48,659 --> 00:22:51,140
Look. The the boundary crossing and the not

620
00:22:51,140 --> 00:22:53,859
respecting boundaries, that's bullshit. Block, delete, report, one

621
00:22:53,859 --> 00:22:56,259
nester. Yes. Yes. Yes. That is that should

622
00:22:56,259 --> 00:22:58,200
not be considered acceptable behavior.

623
00:22:59,059 --> 00:22:59,559
But

624
00:23:00,659 --> 00:23:02,519
the fact that there's a space where

625
00:23:02,965 --> 00:23:05,285
if you choose to, you can put as

626
00:23:05,285 --> 00:23:07,125
much of your body out there as you

627
00:23:07,125 --> 00:23:08,805
want. You can put as much of your

628
00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:10,244
kinks out there as you want. Mhmm. You

629
00:23:10,244 --> 00:23:12,085
can literally put in your profile that you

630
00:23:12,085 --> 00:23:15,305
are looking for something. Right? Like, that is

631
00:23:15,525 --> 00:23:15,869
a

632
00:23:16,430 --> 00:23:18,049
a how do people not

633
00:23:20,029 --> 00:23:22,509
expect that if if you can say you're

634
00:23:22,509 --> 00:23:25,309
looking for somebody and some people do, not

635
00:23:25,309 --> 00:23:25,809
everybody,

636
00:23:26,269 --> 00:23:28,190
that then other people will go, oh, you're

637
00:23:28,190 --> 00:23:29,869
looking for it. Maybe I'm who you're looking

638
00:23:29,869 --> 00:23:31,845
for and that there wouldn't be connections made.

639
00:23:31,924 --> 00:23:33,924
It's just that's not the sole purpose of

640
00:23:33,924 --> 00:23:35,845
the site. True. You know, that is where

641
00:23:35,845 --> 00:23:37,845
you go to find events in your area

642
00:23:37,845 --> 00:23:39,605
or a place you're traveling. That's where you

643
00:23:39,605 --> 00:23:41,444
go to find groups who are talking about

644
00:23:41,444 --> 00:23:44,179
specific kinks that you are interested in or

645
00:23:44,179 --> 00:23:46,980
care about. Right. It's where you can kind

646
00:23:46,980 --> 00:23:49,220
of vet people and go, this person says

647
00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:51,299
they're real active in this kink community. Let

648
00:23:51,299 --> 00:23:53,559
me let me go see if that's actually

649
00:23:53,619 --> 00:23:54,119
true.

650
00:23:56,259 --> 00:23:57,400
I haven't been on fetish.com

651
00:23:57,779 --> 00:23:59,160
in a very long time.

652
00:23:59,539 --> 00:24:01,835
I feel like they were kind of trying

653
00:24:01,835 --> 00:24:02,575
to be

654
00:24:03,115 --> 00:24:05,115
kind of a dating thing and kind of

655
00:24:05,115 --> 00:24:07,194
a social media platform. I haven't been on

656
00:24:07,194 --> 00:24:09,534
The Cage in a while either. Me either.

657
00:24:09,835 --> 00:24:11,914
What was their vibe the last time you

658
00:24:11,914 --> 00:24:12,634
went on?

659
00:24:13,595 --> 00:24:15,809
The the vibe that I got from it,

660
00:24:16,130 --> 00:24:18,210
basically, they're just trying to be another form

661
00:24:18,210 --> 00:24:19,029
of social.

662
00:24:19,330 --> 00:24:19,830
Gotcha.

663
00:24:20,850 --> 00:24:23,090
And, again, it's a little bit like kinky

664
00:24:23,090 --> 00:24:25,410
dating apps. If you wanna just know that

665
00:24:25,410 --> 00:24:27,750
you can put your kink self out there,

666
00:24:28,875 --> 00:24:31,515
then choose a kink specific site. But it

667
00:24:31,515 --> 00:24:33,515
is no different than any other platform. You're

668
00:24:33,515 --> 00:24:34,734
going to have to

669
00:24:35,035 --> 00:24:37,214
talk to somebody at some point. Mhmm.

670
00:24:37,914 --> 00:24:39,535
You know, genuine comments,

671
00:24:40,474 --> 00:24:42,474
only reply to the DMs that actually interest

672
00:24:42,474 --> 00:24:44,210
you, delete the rest. Yeah. Delete the rest.

673
00:24:44,210 --> 00:24:47,250
Nobody is entitled to your response if you

674
00:24:47,250 --> 00:24:49,170
don't know them and they didn't ask and

675
00:24:49,170 --> 00:24:51,890
you didn't give nobody's entitled to your response

676
00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:54,210
when they're a total stranger. Like, just delete

677
00:24:54,210 --> 00:24:56,265
them. It's it's fine. It's safe. Safe. I

678
00:24:56,265 --> 00:24:57,705
say that to the people who are like

679
00:24:57,705 --> 00:24:59,644
me. When I first got online

680
00:25:00,025 --> 00:25:02,664
as a kinkster and and more when I

681
00:25:02,664 --> 00:25:05,465
first got online in a a bigger way

682
00:25:05,465 --> 00:25:08,184
when it became so prevalent. Like, I was

683
00:25:08,184 --> 00:25:10,825
kind of around when Facebook first started going,

684
00:25:10,825 --> 00:25:13,009
but I was using it from a business

685
00:25:13,009 --> 00:25:14,529
perspective. I wasn't using it as a person.

686
00:25:14,529 --> 00:25:15,569
And then when I tried to use it

687
00:25:15,569 --> 00:25:17,089
as a person, I was a busy mom

688
00:25:17,089 --> 00:25:18,450
of 2 little kids. I didn't have time.

689
00:25:18,450 --> 00:25:19,569
But then there came a point where I

690
00:25:19,569 --> 00:25:21,250
sat at a computer all day and I

691
00:25:21,250 --> 00:25:23,089
was bored and everything was an app and

692
00:25:23,089 --> 00:25:24,464
I could scroll on my phone and, you

693
00:25:24,464 --> 00:25:24,964
know,

694
00:25:25,505 --> 00:25:27,845
that kind of point in life where

695
00:25:29,744 --> 00:25:31,664
I think I lost the the train I

696
00:25:31,664 --> 00:25:33,664
was on. I think the train derailed. Where

697
00:25:33,664 --> 00:25:36,085
was I going with that? Goddamn it.

698
00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:38,779
I've lost it. I had a whole point.

699
00:25:38,779 --> 00:25:40,700
I was real proud of the point. I

700
00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:42,160
was real proud of the point.

701
00:25:42,779 --> 00:25:44,140
I was real proud of the point. I

702
00:25:44,140 --> 00:25:44,960
had a point.

703
00:25:47,340 --> 00:25:48,859
I don't know how my brain is wired,

704
00:25:48,859 --> 00:25:50,414
but I know it's the kind of word

705
00:25:50,414 --> 00:25:52,654
where the thought's there one moment and gone

706
00:25:52,654 --> 00:25:53,234
the next.

707
00:25:55,534 --> 00:25:57,214
Just play that. I just wanna have been

708
00:25:57,214 --> 00:25:59,134
slow. I hate that. I hate it. I'm

709
00:25:59,134 --> 00:26:00,194
so sorry, y'all.

710
00:26:01,294 --> 00:26:02,894
Part of where I'm trying to get to,

711
00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:04,009
I don't know if this is what I

712
00:26:04,009 --> 00:26:04,990
was on before,

713
00:26:05,369 --> 00:26:06,109
is that,

714
00:26:06,970 --> 00:26:07,549
you know,

715
00:26:09,210 --> 00:26:10,669
you do have to participate

716
00:26:11,130 --> 00:26:13,789
to some extent. Right? Like,

717
00:26:14,329 --> 00:26:16,169
there was a time when, oh, that's what

718
00:26:16,169 --> 00:26:17,609
I was on. God. I knew I'd get

719
00:26:17,609 --> 00:26:18,134
there eventually.

720
00:26:19,095 --> 00:26:20,775
When I first was, like, a heavy user

721
00:26:20,775 --> 00:26:23,015
of social media, part of what overwhelmed it

722
00:26:23,015 --> 00:26:24,134
for me is I thought I had to

723
00:26:24,134 --> 00:26:25,974
reply to everything. And I don't mean every

724
00:26:25,974 --> 00:26:27,414
time I saw something interesting, but, like, if

725
00:26:27,414 --> 00:26:29,575
somebody talked to me in a DM or

726
00:26:29,575 --> 00:26:30,920
a comment, I felt

727
00:26:31,380 --> 00:26:34,519
this pressure and this obligation to respond to

728
00:26:34,580 --> 00:26:35,799
everybody. And

729
00:26:36,259 --> 00:26:37,320
the thing is

730
00:26:37,779 --> 00:26:39,619
is if this was the old Internet where,

731
00:26:39,619 --> 00:26:41,700
like, 2 people are there and one comments

732
00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:42,840
and that's manageable,

733
00:26:43,714 --> 00:26:45,075
fine. But we live in a time when

734
00:26:45,075 --> 00:26:46,515
there's a lot of people, and you can't

735
00:26:46,515 --> 00:26:48,295
always keep up. And sometimes

736
00:26:48,835 --> 00:26:51,315
a a comment or a a DM does

737
00:26:51,315 --> 00:26:53,015
not deserve a response.

738
00:26:54,035 --> 00:26:55,414
Sometimes it's creepy.

739
00:26:55,890 --> 00:26:57,490
Sometimes you're like, I don't even know what

740
00:26:57,490 --> 00:26:58,150
you mean.

741
00:26:58,529 --> 00:27:01,190
Sometimes you're like, who the fuck are you?

742
00:27:01,250 --> 00:27:01,750
Right?

743
00:27:02,049 --> 00:27:03,890
And that was the thing I needed to

744
00:27:03,890 --> 00:27:04,789
give myself

745
00:27:05,170 --> 00:27:06,309
permission for

746
00:27:06,690 --> 00:27:07,509
was that

747
00:27:07,904 --> 00:27:10,384
not everything needs to be commented on. Not

748
00:27:10,384 --> 00:27:12,625
every comment needs to be responded to. Not

749
00:27:12,625 --> 00:27:14,625
everybody who tries to talk to me actually

750
00:27:14,625 --> 00:27:16,705
gets to have my time. So if you're

751
00:27:16,705 --> 00:27:18,465
the type of person who kinda steers away

752
00:27:18,465 --> 00:27:20,805
from places where there's messaging and there's conversations

753
00:27:20,945 --> 00:27:23,240
and because you kinda have that feeling, I

754
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:25,160
cannot possibly be the only person alive who

755
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,319
has ever felt that way. This is me

756
00:27:27,319 --> 00:27:29,420
giving you that permission. Just only

757
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,039
if the vibe feels right, if you're in

758
00:27:32,039 --> 00:27:34,734
the right headspace that day, if you know,

759
00:27:34,734 --> 00:27:36,575
it's different when it's a personal connection. This

760
00:27:36,575 --> 00:27:37,934
is a friend you have. Right? Like, you

761
00:27:37,934 --> 00:27:39,375
know that you're friendly. It's a little bit

762
00:27:39,375 --> 00:27:40,654
easier to go, hey. I'm not really feeling

763
00:27:40,654 --> 00:27:41,934
it today. I know we normally talk, but

764
00:27:41,934 --> 00:27:43,694
I just can't today. Right? Or if it

765
00:27:43,694 --> 00:27:45,154
takes you a couple days to respond,

766
00:27:46,180 --> 00:27:47,859
decent people will be like, oh, just happy

767
00:27:47,859 --> 00:27:49,000
you responded. It's

768
00:27:49,380 --> 00:27:51,220
fine. That if you were that type of

769
00:27:51,220 --> 00:27:53,720
person that feels that sense of obligation, like,

770
00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:54,680
work on

771
00:27:55,779 --> 00:27:58,420
letting some of that go and only talking

772
00:27:58,420 --> 00:27:59,704
to the people who genuinely

773
00:28:00,085 --> 00:28:01,464
interest you, intrigue you,

774
00:28:01,765 --> 00:28:03,525
you know, you want to talk to. Because

775
00:28:03,525 --> 00:28:05,444
that's how you make the connections so that

776
00:28:05,444 --> 00:28:08,404
you can then potentially meet a Don Marsha.

777
00:28:08,404 --> 00:28:10,424
Like, that's that's how that works.

778
00:28:11,125 --> 00:28:11,625
Now

779
00:28:12,590 --> 00:28:13,490
the next one.

780
00:28:14,029 --> 00:28:16,750
This one is is definitely your one. Uh-oh.

781
00:28:16,750 --> 00:28:18,930
And that is the in person kink spaces

782
00:28:18,990 --> 00:28:20,049
to be a potential

783
00:28:20,350 --> 00:28:21,490
Dom or so. Yeah.

784
00:28:21,789 --> 00:28:22,850
Munches, workshops,

785
00:28:23,230 --> 00:28:24,384
conventions, parties.

786
00:28:25,005 --> 00:28:27,085
I'm I'm I'm gonna backtrack Okay. Just a

787
00:28:27,085 --> 00:28:28,065
little bit here.

788
00:28:28,445 --> 00:28:28,945
Okay?

789
00:28:29,644 --> 00:28:32,065
Because here here is where, to me,

790
00:28:33,085 --> 00:28:36,065
FetLife really steps up to the plate. Mhmm.

791
00:28:36,365 --> 00:28:38,445
If you're looking for groups, if you're looking

792
00:28:38,445 --> 00:28:38,945
for,

793
00:28:40,079 --> 00:28:42,319
munches, you're looking for workshops, you're looking for

794
00:28:42,319 --> 00:28:43,059
any of

795
00:28:43,359 --> 00:28:43,940
that, FetLife

796
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,279
is the place. Mhmm. Alright. It is a

797
00:28:47,279 --> 00:28:48,500
fantastic place

798
00:28:49,119 --> 00:28:49,359
to,

799
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,099
find out what is going on

800
00:28:52,799 --> 00:28:53,234
where.

801
00:28:53,795 --> 00:28:54,295
Okay?

802
00:28:55,634 --> 00:28:56,454
Many communities,

803
00:28:56,994 --> 00:28:58,835
I I know I can speak for for

804
00:28:58,835 --> 00:29:01,315
Pinellas County, from when I used to to

805
00:29:01,315 --> 00:29:02,054
live there,

806
00:29:02,755 --> 00:29:03,255
they

807
00:29:03,795 --> 00:29:05,095
have munches.

808
00:29:06,035 --> 00:29:07,335
They have socials.

809
00:29:08,269 --> 00:29:11,250
And Orlando, I think too, they have, coffee

810
00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:13,950
coffee socials in addition to the bigger the

811
00:29:13,950 --> 00:29:15,649
bigger communities, larger cities.

812
00:29:17,950 --> 00:29:18,450
And

813
00:29:18,829 --> 00:29:20,849
I know a number of communities

814
00:29:21,630 --> 00:29:22,529
even have

815
00:29:23,884 --> 00:29:24,784
dating socials

816
00:29:25,164 --> 00:29:27,565
for single people or poly folks. Gotcha. Who

817
00:29:27,565 --> 00:29:30,365
are specifically looking for a partner. For for

818
00:29:30,365 --> 00:29:32,464
someone. Okay. And and they have

819
00:29:32,845 --> 00:29:35,504
meetups, you know, in some of these communities.

820
00:29:35,869 --> 00:29:37,789
So, you know, that that is something to

821
00:29:37,789 --> 00:29:39,009
keep an eye out for.

822
00:29:39,470 --> 00:29:39,970
Alright?

823
00:29:40,750 --> 00:29:41,650
Now, munches.

824
00:29:42,430 --> 00:29:43,570
Absolutely. Absolutely.

825
00:29:44,509 --> 00:29:45,170
You know,

826
00:29:45,789 --> 00:29:47,869
here's here's here's, you know, one of the

827
00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:49,309
things I see a lot of people and

828
00:29:49,309 --> 00:29:50,130
good for them,

829
00:29:51,194 --> 00:29:52,634
you know, they get people that that,

830
00:29:53,674 --> 00:29:55,434
come into their DM's and fed live and

831
00:29:55,434 --> 00:29:57,515
like, you know, hey, I I think we'd

832
00:29:57,515 --> 00:30:00,095
be pretty good to let let's hook up.

833
00:30:00,875 --> 00:30:01,755
Sure. Okay.

834
00:30:02,394 --> 00:30:03,054
You know,

835
00:30:04,890 --> 00:30:05,950
our our town

836
00:30:06,330 --> 00:30:08,910
is having its munch in 2 weeks. Mhmm.

837
00:30:08,970 --> 00:30:10,570
You know, I'd be happy to meet you

838
00:30:10,570 --> 00:30:12,029
there and and talk.

839
00:30:13,130 --> 00:30:14,650
They're either gonna show or they don't show.

840
00:30:14,650 --> 00:30:15,930
That's a good way to weed out the

841
00:30:15,930 --> 00:30:17,610
fakers. Good out good way to weed them

842
00:30:17,610 --> 00:30:18,774
out. So,

843
00:30:19,474 --> 00:30:21,575
you know, that that is something to consider.

844
00:30:22,835 --> 00:30:23,414
You know,

845
00:30:24,835 --> 00:30:25,335
workshops.

846
00:30:25,794 --> 00:30:26,294
Mhmm.

847
00:30:26,674 --> 00:30:28,755
You know, if if you have a kink

848
00:30:28,755 --> 00:30:31,494
that you're particularly interested in, you know,

849
00:30:33,150 --> 00:30:34,450
Max Play, knife play,

850
00:30:34,830 --> 00:30:35,730
you know, any

851
00:30:36,029 --> 00:30:38,210
impact play, any anything like that.

852
00:30:39,950 --> 00:30:42,269
You know, you you go to workshops like

853
00:30:42,269 --> 00:30:42,769
that,

854
00:30:43,950 --> 00:30:45,710
it's gonna be filled with other people who

855
00:30:45,710 --> 00:30:47,627
are interested You can't talk during the workshop,

856
00:30:47,627 --> 00:30:48,924
but there's always time before and after. Mhmm.

857
00:30:48,924 --> 00:30:50,805
You know? And depending on when it is

858
00:30:50,805 --> 00:30:52,484
and where it is. I know, you know,

859
00:30:52,484 --> 00:30:54,085
we've gone to workshops, and then there was,

860
00:30:54,085 --> 00:30:55,934
like, a 30 minute gap, and then the

861
00:30:55,934 --> 00:30:56,434
dungeon

862
00:31:00,089 --> 00:31:01,549
opened or, you know, whatever.

863
00:31:02,169 --> 00:31:04,650
So it rolled into something else. And and

864
00:31:04,650 --> 00:31:06,490
and a lot of times at the at

865
00:31:06,490 --> 00:31:07,929
the end of the workshop, you know, not

866
00:31:07,929 --> 00:31:08,809
only is it a,

867
00:31:09,769 --> 00:31:12,089
you know, a Q and A, but a

868
00:31:12,089 --> 00:31:12,990
lot of times,

869
00:31:14,169 --> 00:31:14,894
they will

870
00:31:15,375 --> 00:31:18,015
allow people to try. Yeah. There'll be, like,

871
00:31:18,015 --> 00:31:20,575
demos and tries and Mhmm. People can actually

872
00:31:20,575 --> 00:31:22,914
try things out, and, you know, the person,

873
00:31:23,214 --> 00:31:25,055
who did the workshop may oversee it, you

874
00:31:25,055 --> 00:31:27,055
know, and make sure everybody you know, so

875
00:31:27,055 --> 00:31:28,894
so you get to to meet people that

876
00:31:28,894 --> 00:31:30,434
way. Mhmm. You know?

877
00:31:31,309 --> 00:31:31,809
Parties.

878
00:31:32,589 --> 00:31:33,570
Yeah. Dungeons,

879
00:31:34,670 --> 00:31:35,329
you know,

880
00:31:35,789 --> 00:31:37,650
dungeon, you know you're in a safe place.

881
00:31:38,430 --> 00:31:40,130
I'm really happy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really happy,

882
00:31:40,190 --> 00:31:42,589
you know, that that decent dungeon is is

883
00:31:42,589 --> 00:31:44,509
vetting their people and and doing checks to

884
00:31:44,509 --> 00:31:47,095
make sure, you know, there there's no sketchy

885
00:31:47,095 --> 00:31:48,315
folks getting in there.

886
00:31:49,335 --> 00:31:50,075
But, you know,

887
00:31:50,615 --> 00:31:54,234
many dungeons host pickup play. Mhmm. You know,

888
00:31:54,535 --> 00:31:56,134
and and and that is,

889
00:31:57,974 --> 00:31:59,575
you know, a a a great way to

890
00:31:59,575 --> 00:32:01,230
meet folk, you know.

891
00:32:02,349 --> 00:32:04,269
So plus it it keeps you, you know,

892
00:32:04,269 --> 00:32:05,869
you you meet people like that, it'll

893
00:32:06,589 --> 00:32:08,269
pick up play in a club, it also

894
00:32:08,269 --> 00:32:11,250
keeps your negotiating skills Right. Sharp.

895
00:32:11,789 --> 00:32:13,470
And the thing is is, let's say you

896
00:32:13,630 --> 00:32:15,630
like, I do have access to a dungeon

897
00:32:15,630 --> 00:32:17,105
and they they're having a party, and I

898
00:32:17,105 --> 00:32:18,224
wanna go. I don't even know what I'm

899
00:32:18,224 --> 00:32:18,704
doing. You don't

900
00:32:19,585 --> 00:32:21,105
I once felt like I had to talk

901
00:32:21,105 --> 00:32:22,944
down a friend who just couldn't get it

902
00:32:22,944 --> 00:32:24,004
in their head that

903
00:32:24,304 --> 00:32:26,144
going to a dungeon does not mean you

904
00:32:26,144 --> 00:32:27,044
have to play.

905
00:32:27,345 --> 00:32:29,744
Right. Like, there's no obligation. Anybody who would

906
00:32:29,744 --> 00:32:32,829
ever make you feel obligated, ew, gross. That's

907
00:32:32,829 --> 00:32:34,829
that's not a good vibe. Leave them or

908
00:32:34,829 --> 00:32:37,230
leave the space. But in general, there's never

909
00:32:37,230 --> 00:32:38,690
any obligation. There is

910
00:32:39,069 --> 00:32:39,569
typically

911
00:32:40,349 --> 00:32:42,990
as much space, maybe a little less, for

912
00:32:42,990 --> 00:32:45,069
sitting around and socializing as there is for

913
00:32:45,069 --> 00:32:46,714
play. You know? In

914
00:32:47,815 --> 00:32:50,694
the different dungeons I've seen, sometimes there's, like,

915
00:32:50,694 --> 00:32:52,694
here's the play space here. It's one giant

916
00:32:52,694 --> 00:32:54,554
room, and then over here, there are seats.

917
00:32:54,934 --> 00:32:56,375
The one we went to that literally had

918
00:32:56,375 --> 00:32:58,775
an an upstairs and a downstairs, the upstairs

919
00:32:58,775 --> 00:33:00,820
was for play, the downstairs was for social.

920
00:33:00,900 --> 00:33:01,880
Realizing. Yep.

921
00:33:02,340 --> 00:33:04,259
You know, the woodshed has all kinds of

922
00:33:04,259 --> 00:33:06,340
little nooks and crannies and, you know, then

923
00:33:06,340 --> 00:33:09,220
those who anybody who smokes or vapes, you'll

924
00:33:09,220 --> 00:33:10,680
meet them outside. Mhmm.

925
00:33:12,180 --> 00:33:14,580
That's just like a universal human thing, I

926
00:33:14,580 --> 00:33:15,080
think.

927
00:33:17,304 --> 00:33:19,325
And so, you know, if you have

928
00:33:19,865 --> 00:33:21,544
if you can get to a space like

929
00:33:21,544 --> 00:33:22,744
that, you the

930
00:33:23,464 --> 00:33:25,625
you should not go feeling pressured or under

931
00:33:25,625 --> 00:33:27,224
any expectation that you have to do anything

932
00:33:27,224 --> 00:33:27,779
other than

933
00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:30,099
just sit there and look cute while you're

934
00:33:30,099 --> 00:33:31,000
there. Okay?

935
00:33:32,660 --> 00:33:34,580
Because that's that's another part of it is

936
00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:35,720
sometimes just getting

937
00:33:36,259 --> 00:33:38,500
getting to a good comfort level in kink

938
00:33:38,500 --> 00:33:40,420
spaces so you just feel comfortable being there

939
00:33:40,420 --> 00:33:42,304
by yourself before you even try to talk

940
00:33:42,304 --> 00:33:43,444
to anybody. Mhmm.

941
00:33:44,065 --> 00:33:46,144
Mhmm. You know? And there there will definitely

942
00:33:46,144 --> 00:33:48,625
be those people who see somebody either on

943
00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:50,224
their own or it's just a couple people

944
00:33:50,224 --> 00:33:51,664
and they're new and they're gonna come up

945
00:33:51,664 --> 00:33:53,984
and talk to you. And you gotta go

946
00:33:53,984 --> 00:33:55,664
based on your own vibe if you wanna

947
00:33:55,664 --> 00:33:57,179
encourage that or if you want them to

948
00:33:57,179 --> 00:33:58,779
go away. And the nice thing is with

949
00:33:58,779 --> 00:34:01,359
a dungeon, there's a dungeon monitor, usually multiple.

950
00:34:01,819 --> 00:34:04,140
If somebody is bothering you, you look for

951
00:34:04,140 --> 00:34:05,900
the dungeon monitor. If a place does not

952
00:34:05,900 --> 00:34:07,919
have a dungeon monitor or some other

953
00:34:08,460 --> 00:34:11,105
designated way for to get help

954
00:34:11,405 --> 00:34:12,625
when you need it,

955
00:34:13,005 --> 00:34:15,905
when something goes wrong, when something's not right,

956
00:34:16,045 --> 00:34:17,264
please leave that space.

957
00:34:18,764 --> 00:34:20,284
When we're talking about play,

958
00:34:20,605 --> 00:34:21,505
you know, there's,

959
00:34:22,489 --> 00:34:25,130
floggers and whips and whatever being thrown around

960
00:34:25,130 --> 00:34:27,049
and somebody's broken out a knife and somebody's

961
00:34:27,049 --> 00:34:28,889
pouring hot wax on another human being. There

962
00:34:28,889 --> 00:34:31,690
needs to be somebody or several somebodies there

963
00:34:31,690 --> 00:34:33,150
to monitor things.

964
00:34:35,405 --> 00:34:37,005
That's just, I think, a good rule of

965
00:34:37,005 --> 00:34:38,385
thumb if you're in a new

966
00:34:38,684 --> 00:34:41,324
kink play space. If there is nobody to

967
00:34:41,324 --> 00:34:43,804
go to that you're like, that's the person

968
00:34:43,804 --> 00:34:44,784
I can go to.

969
00:34:45,324 --> 00:34:47,789
Yeah. Go ahead and leave because but that's

970
00:34:47,789 --> 00:34:49,489
the nice thing about those spaces.

971
00:34:50,030 --> 00:34:51,949
You got a creep a creeper who will

972
00:34:51,949 --> 00:34:53,630
not take a hint, who's not leaving you

973
00:34:53,630 --> 00:34:54,449
alone, who's

974
00:34:55,949 --> 00:34:57,969
you you can go get help. Yeah.

975
00:34:58,510 --> 00:34:59,804
For the folks who are gonna go, but

976
00:34:59,804 --> 00:35:01,964
I where I live, nobody's kinky. First of

977
00:35:01,964 --> 00:35:03,885
all, unless you live on a private island

978
00:35:03,885 --> 00:35:05,804
of you and your 3 closest friends, and

979
00:35:05,804 --> 00:35:07,905
that's it. And you're the only kinkster.

980
00:35:08,364 --> 00:35:10,925
There are other kinky people there even in

981
00:35:10,925 --> 00:35:11,984
very small towns.

982
00:35:12,444 --> 00:35:14,880
The difference is is what is available to

983
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,519
you in your immediate location. Go look at

984
00:35:17,519 --> 00:35:18,019
FetLife.

985
00:35:18,559 --> 00:35:20,000
That will be a way to find it.

986
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,819
What is in your county? And then,

987
00:35:23,199 --> 00:35:23,699
like,

988
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,800
3 counties call themselves the Tampa Bay area.

989
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,284
Okay. So Yeah. What's your closest

990
00:35:29,664 --> 00:35:30,565
major metro

991
00:35:31,025 --> 00:35:33,824
area? Some places are super rural. Your major

992
00:35:33,824 --> 00:35:36,625
metro area is like a plane ride away.

993
00:35:36,625 --> 00:35:39,125
It's like a half day drive away.

994
00:35:40,224 --> 00:35:42,090
I get where that is then

995
00:35:42,489 --> 00:35:44,650
difficult to do things in person. That's then

996
00:35:44,650 --> 00:35:46,910
when we go back to online kink spaces

997
00:35:47,450 --> 00:35:49,530
so that you can meet people online and

998
00:35:49,530 --> 00:35:52,030
create your own little community or find communities

999
00:35:52,090 --> 00:35:52,590
online.

1000
00:35:53,450 --> 00:35:55,275
But if you have the

1001
00:35:55,674 --> 00:35:57,755
access to and the ability to get to

1002
00:35:57,755 --> 00:36:00,394
a space that's within some sort of driving

1003
00:36:00,394 --> 00:36:02,714
distance or in some of the great countries

1004
00:36:02,714 --> 00:36:04,815
that have great train and rail system,

1005
00:36:05,194 --> 00:36:06,574
a short train ride,

1006
00:36:08,670 --> 00:36:11,069
You know, that is almost always an option.

1007
00:36:11,069 --> 00:36:12,589
And quite frankly, if you get out of

1008
00:36:12,589 --> 00:36:13,809
your immediate town

1009
00:36:14,269 --> 00:36:16,130
to go to a kink space, you are

1010
00:36:16,429 --> 00:36:16,929
usually

1011
00:36:17,309 --> 00:36:18,989
less likely to see somebody who might know

1012
00:36:18,989 --> 00:36:22,505
you. Yeah. Not always, but for the people

1013
00:36:22,505 --> 00:36:24,825
who get nervous about going into kink spaces

1014
00:36:24,825 --> 00:36:26,844
to meet potential kink partners,

1015
00:36:28,505 --> 00:36:28,905
it's

1016
00:36:29,385 --> 00:36:31,864
kink spaces are Vegas rules. What happens in

1017
00:36:31,864 --> 00:36:33,989
the kink space stays in the kink space.

1018
00:36:34,230 --> 00:36:36,150
Most people understand this. Every once in a

1019
00:36:36,150 --> 00:36:38,070
while, you find a dumbass or a gross

1020
00:36:38,070 --> 00:36:39,369
human being who does not.

1021
00:36:39,750 --> 00:36:41,989
The thing to remember is if you see

1022
00:36:41,989 --> 00:36:43,909
somebody you know it in kink space, and

1023
00:36:43,909 --> 00:36:45,590
you're like, oh, no. They've seen me. You've

1024
00:36:45,590 --> 00:36:46,489
seen them too.

1025
00:36:47,269 --> 00:36:50,505
Self mutual self sure destruction. Right? Like, if

1026
00:36:50,505 --> 00:36:51,005
they

1027
00:36:51,385 --> 00:36:53,385
out you as being kinky, you could get

1028
00:36:53,385 --> 00:36:54,125
to be like,

1029
00:36:54,505 --> 00:36:56,184
but do you do you know how they

1030
00:36:56,184 --> 00:36:58,025
knew? Would you like to know where they

1031
00:36:58,025 --> 00:37:00,344
were? Right? Like Yeah. So most of the

1032
00:37:00,344 --> 00:37:02,344
time, people are keep it cool, and sometimes

1033
00:37:02,344 --> 00:37:04,260
they interact, and sometimes they don't interact with

1034
00:37:04,260 --> 00:37:06,099
people that they know. That's a personal comfort

1035
00:37:06,099 --> 00:37:06,599
level.

1036
00:37:07,539 --> 00:37:10,820
But if that's your major concern, then, yes,

1037
00:37:10,820 --> 00:37:12,519
travel for your kinks space.

1038
00:37:13,059 --> 00:37:14,360
The thing about

1039
00:37:14,980 --> 00:37:17,139
all of this, all of this, all of

1040
00:37:17,139 --> 00:37:17,625
this

1041
00:37:18,344 --> 00:37:19,164
is that

1042
00:37:19,784 --> 00:37:20,605
none of

1043
00:37:20,985 --> 00:37:21,565
it is

1044
00:37:22,744 --> 00:37:23,244
guaranteed.

1045
00:37:23,625 --> 00:37:24,125
Mm-mm.

1046
00:37:24,425 --> 00:37:25,324
None of it

1047
00:37:25,864 --> 00:37:26,844
most likely

1048
00:37:27,385 --> 00:37:29,485
will be quick or easy.

1049
00:37:30,150 --> 00:37:30,650
And

1050
00:37:31,269 --> 00:37:34,469
my, anxious don't trust no damn body opinion

1051
00:37:34,469 --> 00:37:36,969
is it shouldn't be too quick or easy.

1052
00:37:37,429 --> 00:37:37,929
Right?

1053
00:37:38,230 --> 00:37:40,949
Like you our philosophy has always been, make

1054
00:37:40,949 --> 00:37:42,549
sure this is somebody you genuinely like as

1055
00:37:42,549 --> 00:37:45,109
a human being first. Right? Like, make sure

1056
00:37:45,109 --> 00:37:45,344
that

1057
00:37:46,704 --> 00:37:49,025
you wouldn't mind sitting next to them in

1058
00:37:49,025 --> 00:37:51,664
any other situation. You might not. It might

1059
00:37:51,664 --> 00:37:53,505
only be a kink thing, but, like, you

1060
00:37:53,505 --> 00:37:55,184
should like them as a human being. They

1061
00:37:55,184 --> 00:37:56,965
should be a friend of sorts.

1062
00:37:57,344 --> 00:37:59,585
Yeah. Pickup play, casual play tends to be

1063
00:37:59,585 --> 00:38:01,789
a little bit different than relationships, but we

1064
00:38:01,789 --> 00:38:04,110
focus on relationships here. So please make sure

1065
00:38:04,110 --> 00:38:06,110
you like them as a human being. That

1066
00:38:06,110 --> 00:38:07,090
can take time.

1067
00:38:07,550 --> 00:38:09,949
Also, when you go into any space, online

1068
00:38:09,949 --> 00:38:11,949
or in person, with the expectation that you

1069
00:38:11,949 --> 00:38:13,534
are there to meet somebody,

1070
00:38:14,315 --> 00:38:16,494
things tend to get intense and weird.

1071
00:38:17,194 --> 00:38:20,335
Mhmm. That is sometimes why the creepy people

1072
00:38:20,474 --> 00:38:22,714
feel so creepy because they are there with

1073
00:38:22,714 --> 00:38:23,775
a very intense

1074
00:38:25,050 --> 00:38:27,369
singular goal and that's what they're focused on

1075
00:38:27,369 --> 00:38:28,969
and they forget, hey. Actually, I just need

1076
00:38:28,969 --> 00:38:30,650
to be a human being existing in the

1077
00:38:30,650 --> 00:38:32,329
world. Right? Even if that makes me a

1078
00:38:32,329 --> 00:38:34,570
little awkward, a little weird, a little shy,

1079
00:38:34,570 --> 00:38:35,309
a little whatever,

1080
00:38:36,250 --> 00:38:37,869
people forget that. So

1081
00:38:38,675 --> 00:38:40,034
you don't go to a munch and go,

1082
00:38:40,034 --> 00:38:42,114
I'm gonna meet my dom here. It's gonna

1083
00:38:42,114 --> 00:38:43,014
be amazing.

1084
00:38:43,474 --> 00:38:45,235
It's not how it works. You're gonna meet

1085
00:38:45,235 --> 00:38:47,394
people and go, do I do I like

1086
00:38:47,394 --> 00:38:49,074
them as human beings? Is this a space

1087
00:38:49,074 --> 00:38:50,594
I wanna spend time in? Is that a

1088
00:38:50,594 --> 00:38:51,094
person

1089
00:38:51,554 --> 00:38:54,239
I wanna have a conversation with? For people

1090
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,559
who are introverted, people who are socially anxious,

1091
00:38:56,559 --> 00:38:58,400
people who just are not talking to people

1092
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:00,320
they don't know. However however that works for

1093
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:01,599
you. I am one of you. You are

1094
00:39:01,599 --> 00:39:02,579
me. I am you.

1095
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:04,480
Sometimes what you do is you go several

1096
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:05,760
times and you don't say a whole hell

1097
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,380
of a lot of nothing. You just observe.

1098
00:39:07,894 --> 00:39:09,974
Me, personally, I like to observe because I'm

1099
00:39:09,974 --> 00:39:11,974
watching vibes. I'm watching how people interact with

1100
00:39:11,974 --> 00:39:12,554
each other.

1101
00:39:12,934 --> 00:39:15,094
Do I sound like I had got trust

1102
00:39:15,094 --> 00:39:16,074
issues? Maybe.

1103
00:39:16,375 --> 00:39:18,315
But this is how I figure it out.

1104
00:39:18,614 --> 00:39:20,635
And so I go to something

1105
00:39:20,934 --> 00:39:23,369
a munch multiple times. I don't tend to

1106
00:39:23,369 --> 00:39:25,289
say much unless somebody is speaking to me

1107
00:39:25,289 --> 00:39:27,449
directly. I'm not rude. I just I'm not

1108
00:39:27,449 --> 00:39:28,269
gonna socialize.

1109
00:39:28,570 --> 00:39:30,730
Yeah. And I'm watching people. And I can

1110
00:39:30,730 --> 00:39:32,190
walk away from an interaction,

1111
00:39:32,969 --> 00:39:34,969
or an event and be talking to JB

1112
00:39:34,969 --> 00:39:36,795
and go, did you see? See? And he's

1113
00:39:36,795 --> 00:39:38,155
like, no. I was like, yeah. You're a

1114
00:39:38,155 --> 00:39:39,994
social butterfly. You were talking to folks. That

1115
00:39:39,994 --> 00:39:41,594
person was doing this thing, and they were

1116
00:39:41,594 --> 00:39:43,514
looking all shady. And what is that about?

1117
00:39:43,514 --> 00:39:45,434
And now we're gossiping. Mhmm. But now I

1118
00:39:45,434 --> 00:39:47,214
feel like I have a sense of people.

1119
00:39:47,835 --> 00:39:49,019
I also like to just

1120
00:39:49,820 --> 00:39:51,739
not feel pressured to speak and see how

1121
00:39:51,739 --> 00:39:54,400
people treat me, you know, quite frankly. Mhmm.

1122
00:39:54,860 --> 00:39:56,380
There will be people who will try to

1123
00:39:56,380 --> 00:39:58,619
be open and inviting, and you'll find out

1124
00:39:58,619 --> 00:40:00,940
real quick how much they respect boundaries. If

1125
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:03,340
they don't pressure you or, like, guilt you

1126
00:40:03,340 --> 00:40:04,805
or force you, there will be some people

1127
00:40:04,805 --> 00:40:06,164
who just leave you the hell alone because

1128
00:40:06,164 --> 00:40:07,445
they're like, if you don't wanna talk, I'm

1129
00:40:07,445 --> 00:40:08,585
not gonna make you.

1130
00:40:08,965 --> 00:40:11,525
And you get that sense. So, like, that's

1131
00:40:11,525 --> 00:40:14,005
why don't don't go into a space like,

1132
00:40:14,005 --> 00:40:15,224
hello. I am here.

1133
00:40:15,605 --> 00:40:18,265
I am here to become a you're submissive.

1134
00:40:18,405 --> 00:40:20,460
I am here to become your dominant. Let

1135
00:40:20,460 --> 00:40:22,719
us negotiate power exchange. No.

1136
00:40:23,260 --> 00:40:24,699
Go be a human being and get to

1137
00:40:24,699 --> 00:40:25,920
know other human beings.

1138
00:40:26,300 --> 00:40:28,059
Quite frankly, the very last one I put

1139
00:40:28,059 --> 00:40:29,739
on this, because it's so fucking old fashioned.

1140
00:40:29,739 --> 00:40:31,019
I don't know if anybody even does it

1141
00:40:31,019 --> 00:40:33,525
anymore. That is literally let your your friends

1142
00:40:33,525 --> 00:40:35,605
set you up with somebody. Now that comes

1143
00:40:35,605 --> 00:40:37,605
with a million caveats. Right? Like, how well

1144
00:40:37,605 --> 00:40:39,605
do they know this somebody? Right? And do

1145
00:40:39,605 --> 00:40:41,284
they know that you're kinky, and do they

1146
00:40:41,284 --> 00:40:42,724
know that the person they're setting you up

1147
00:40:42,724 --> 00:40:44,565
with is kinky? This is where having kink

1148
00:40:44,565 --> 00:40:46,324
friends and a kink community can really come

1149
00:40:46,324 --> 00:40:46,984
in handy.

1150
00:40:47,789 --> 00:40:50,190
And I've like everything else, there is no

1151
00:40:50,190 --> 00:40:52,449
guarantee that anything will happen.

1152
00:40:53,230 --> 00:40:55,550
But sometimes having a friend that you met

1153
00:40:55,550 --> 00:40:57,309
at the munch, that you didn't go in

1154
00:40:57,309 --> 00:40:58,369
like a creepy person

1155
00:40:58,670 --> 00:41:00,210
looking for your partner,

1156
00:41:00,714 --> 00:41:02,474
You made that friend, you've been friends with

1157
00:41:02,474 --> 00:41:04,635
them for months, and they're like, oh, there's

1158
00:41:04,635 --> 00:41:05,295
a person.

1159
00:41:06,155 --> 00:41:08,474
I think you might like them. I think

1160
00:41:08,474 --> 00:41:10,394
y'all's king sign. I think y'all would be

1161
00:41:10,394 --> 00:41:11,214
really cool together.

1162
00:41:11,514 --> 00:41:13,775
Can I introduce you to them? Right?

1163
00:41:14,155 --> 00:41:16,074
And that's how you meet people and potentially

1164
00:41:16,074 --> 00:41:18,340
your partner. Sometimes it's a meet cute. Sometimes

1165
00:41:18,340 --> 00:41:19,800
it's some weird thing that happened,

1166
00:41:20,179 --> 00:41:22,179
you know, at the month, you dropped your

1167
00:41:22,179 --> 00:41:23,860
fork, banged your head on the table. The

1168
00:41:23,860 --> 00:41:25,780
person next to you is, like, thought that

1169
00:41:25,780 --> 00:41:27,719
you were adorable in your awkwardness.

1170
00:41:29,460 --> 00:41:31,059
I have to just imagine that if I

1171
00:41:31,059 --> 00:41:32,324
was a single person or if I was

1172
00:41:32,405 --> 00:41:34,885
actively looking for another partner, that is how

1173
00:41:34,885 --> 00:41:36,264
that would have to happen because

1174
00:41:37,204 --> 00:41:38,644
would I drop my fork and would I

1175
00:41:38,644 --> 00:41:40,585
bang my head on the table? Yes.

1176
00:41:41,605 --> 00:41:43,204
Can I only be with a person who

1177
00:41:43,204 --> 00:41:44,184
finds that adorable

1178
00:41:45,125 --> 00:41:46,389
and then checks to make don't have a

1179
00:41:46,389 --> 00:41:46,889
bump

1180
00:41:47,269 --> 00:41:47,769
on

1181
00:41:48,150 --> 00:41:48,650
my

1182
00:41:49,029 --> 00:41:49,529
head?

1183
00:41:49,909 --> 00:41:50,409
Yes.

1184
00:41:51,670 --> 00:41:53,610
Is it effort and work

1185
00:41:54,070 --> 00:41:57,210
to meet a potential kink partner? Mhmm. Yeah.

1186
00:41:57,269 --> 00:41:58,789
I mean, yeah. But I don't think it

1187
00:41:58,789 --> 00:42:00,630
should be this, like, main stressor. Like, you

1188
00:42:00,630 --> 00:42:02,474
walk around every day going, I have to

1189
00:42:02,474 --> 00:42:03,755
find a kink partner. I have to have

1190
00:42:03,755 --> 00:42:05,914
a find a kink partner. You have to

1191
00:42:05,914 --> 00:42:08,714
coexist in a world ideally where you feel

1192
00:42:08,714 --> 00:42:10,734
comfortable telling somebody you're kinky.

1193
00:42:11,114 --> 00:42:13,755
There are absolutely people who go into non

1194
00:42:13,755 --> 00:42:14,494
kink spaces,

1195
00:42:14,795 --> 00:42:17,219
meet people, know they're kinky, and then have

1196
00:42:17,219 --> 00:42:19,380
to do the dance of, do I tell

1197
00:42:19,380 --> 00:42:21,639
them I'm kinky? How will they take it?

1198
00:42:22,420 --> 00:42:24,420
If that's what you're most comfortable doing, if

1199
00:42:24,420 --> 00:42:26,179
that works for you, I am not gonna

1200
00:42:26,179 --> 00:42:27,639
yuck on anybody's yum.

1201
00:42:28,659 --> 00:42:29,159
But

1202
00:42:29,804 --> 00:42:32,545
I don't see how that's beneficial

1203
00:42:33,964 --> 00:42:36,764
a majority of the time. Mhmm. Because now

1204
00:42:36,764 --> 00:42:39,724
you've added an extra layer of complexity to

1205
00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:41,324
it because you might have met this person

1206
00:42:41,324 --> 00:42:42,510
that you really like,

1207
00:42:43,070 --> 00:42:45,469
and they might be, like, kink negative. Like,

1208
00:42:45,469 --> 00:42:47,309
not even just don't know about it, but

1209
00:42:47,309 --> 00:42:50,030
actively, like, kink shamey. And now you've got

1210
00:42:50,030 --> 00:42:51,789
that to contend with. And then you've got

1211
00:42:51,789 --> 00:42:53,489
all those nerves of,

1212
00:42:53,869 --> 00:42:55,005
I really like them, but now I have

1213
00:42:55,005 --> 00:42:56,284
to tell them. And have we been together

1214
00:42:56,284 --> 00:42:57,964
long enough for me to tell them? Whoo,

1215
00:42:57,964 --> 00:43:00,764
y'all. I'd rather you go, create a fake

1216
00:43:00,764 --> 00:43:03,404
name, a fake profile, and just put Kinky

1217
00:43:03,404 --> 00:43:04,625
on it and, like,

1218
00:43:05,085 --> 00:43:06,864
heavily edit that picture of yourself.

1219
00:43:07,670 --> 00:43:10,329
And just do that and be anonymous ish

1220
00:43:10,390 --> 00:43:11,369
on the Internet.

1221
00:43:12,390 --> 00:43:13,050
And go,

1222
00:43:13,430 --> 00:43:15,269
like, put it out there that you're kinky

1223
00:43:15,269 --> 00:43:16,869
and what you think you might be looking

1224
00:43:16,869 --> 00:43:17,369
for,

1225
00:43:18,950 --> 00:43:21,965
and be prepared to weed through the the

1226
00:43:21,965 --> 00:43:24,204
people who don't get it. How is that

1227
00:43:24,204 --> 00:43:26,144
that much different than unsolicited

1228
00:43:26,445 --> 00:43:28,844
dick pics and, you know, people who slide

1229
00:43:28,844 --> 00:43:31,244
into your DMs and then in non kink

1230
00:43:31,244 --> 00:43:33,965
spaces? I don't see how it's quite frankly

1231
00:43:34,125 --> 00:43:37,079
Yeah. Under my legal name when I had

1232
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,480
that that kind of social media. And I

1233
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,579
talked nothing about relationship sex.

1234
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,680
Nothing. Certainly nothing about kink. I was talking

1235
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:45,660
about freelance

1236
00:43:46,039 --> 00:43:47,260
writing. Y'all,

1237
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:49,719
they were still sliding into DMs, and I'm

1238
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:51,960
not that cute. Like, I'm not I'm not

1239
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,094
somebody who's like that you're like, oh, yes.

1240
00:43:54,094 --> 00:43:55,714
Somebody's gonna like me. Uh-uh.

1241
00:43:56,014 --> 00:43:58,255
Uh-uh. I can look like a bridge troll

1242
00:43:58,255 --> 00:43:59,074
on the Internet,

1243
00:43:59,614 --> 00:44:01,795
and they will still slide in.

1244
00:44:02,255 --> 00:44:02,755
So

1245
00:44:03,214 --> 00:44:04,894
I just don't see how it's that much

1246
00:44:04,894 --> 00:44:05,394
different.

1247
00:44:06,815 --> 00:44:07,795
The the

1248
00:44:10,119 --> 00:44:13,400
the intensity sometimes can be. Like, I can

1249
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,619
laugh much easier.

1250
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:16,679
Now I can laugh at all of it.

1251
00:44:16,679 --> 00:44:18,199
But back in the day, I could laugh

1252
00:44:18,199 --> 00:44:20,199
much easier at a dick pic than I

1253
00:44:20,199 --> 00:44:21,340
could at the

1254
00:44:21,655 --> 00:44:23,355
you will submit to me messages.

1255
00:44:24,215 --> 00:44:26,875
For me, it's because I wasn't yet confident

1256
00:44:26,934 --> 00:44:28,795
in who I was as a submissive.

1257
00:44:30,215 --> 00:44:32,215
And so and I wasn't sure how to

1258
00:44:32,215 --> 00:44:35,494
navigate the kink world because I was thinking

1259
00:44:35,494 --> 00:44:38,329
of it as something completely and totally separate

1260
00:44:38,949 --> 00:44:41,109
from non kink spaces. And in a way,

1261
00:44:41,109 --> 00:44:42,489
it is because certain things

1262
00:44:42,949 --> 00:44:45,449
are more allowable. Right? We could talk about

1263
00:44:45,750 --> 00:44:47,750
how you like to have hot wax poured

1264
00:44:47,750 --> 00:44:49,765
on your tits. Right? Like that, you can't

1265
00:44:49,765 --> 00:44:51,525
usually just say that up in Facebook. You

1266
00:44:51,525 --> 00:44:54,405
can. Should you? Probably not. You know? Yes.

1267
00:44:54,405 --> 00:44:55,704
There are some differences.

1268
00:44:56,405 --> 00:44:58,965
Absolutely. There's nuance to it, but people are

1269
00:44:58,965 --> 00:44:59,465
people

1270
00:45:00,085 --> 00:45:02,010
in every space, and gross people are gonna

1271
00:45:02,010 --> 00:45:04,670
be gross people no matter what platform you're

1272
00:45:05,130 --> 00:45:07,070
on. So I think if, you know,

1273
00:45:08,090 --> 00:45:09,869
if you're not comfortable with your

1274
00:45:10,329 --> 00:45:12,650
legal name being attached to kink, don't use

1275
00:45:12,650 --> 00:45:14,250
those kinds of spaces where you use your

1276
00:45:14,250 --> 00:45:16,785
legal name. Go to kink specific places.

1277
00:45:17,244 --> 00:45:19,885
Create fake accounts. Facebook is harder for that.

1278
00:45:19,885 --> 00:45:21,824
Mhmm. Twitter is not. Twitter's still

1279
00:45:22,125 --> 00:45:25,164
fucking dumpster fire these days. Twitter still exists.

1280
00:45:25,164 --> 00:45:27,405
Yeah. Instagram, you can absolutely get away with

1281
00:45:27,405 --> 00:45:29,005
a fake name. I've been doing it for

1282
00:45:29,005 --> 00:45:29,505
years.

1283
00:45:30,619 --> 00:45:31,840
So create those

1284
00:45:32,219 --> 00:45:33,760
accounts that aren't really you

1285
00:45:34,940 --> 00:45:36,300
and try it that way if you want

1286
00:45:36,300 --> 00:45:38,219
to be in Villanilla spaces, if you just

1287
00:45:38,219 --> 00:45:40,960
feel more comfortable there. But it's all

1288
00:45:42,380 --> 00:45:44,880
kind of a crapshoot and it's all a

1289
00:45:45,180 --> 00:45:47,315
weeding through the people who are not what

1290
00:45:47,315 --> 00:45:49,554
you want Right. Who are not worth your

1291
00:45:49,554 --> 00:45:52,214
time Mhmm. Who do not respect boundaries Yeah.

1292
00:45:53,074 --> 00:45:54,835
And then trying to figure out if this

1293
00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:55,335
person

1294
00:45:56,355 --> 00:45:58,454
is your person. Right? Right.

1295
00:46:00,514 --> 00:46:01,234
Did you have

1296
00:46:01,910 --> 00:46:04,150
have I been interrupting? I probably have. Okay.

1297
00:46:04,150 --> 00:46:06,329
No. You carry on what you say. Okay.

1298
00:46:06,469 --> 00:46:07,989
Not not time for me to say what

1299
00:46:07,989 --> 00:46:09,989
I have to say. Okay. Cool. Okay. Look

1300
00:46:09,989 --> 00:46:12,230
at us being total professionals. Like, we do

1301
00:46:12,230 --> 00:46:13,530
this for a living or something.

1302
00:46:15,985 --> 00:46:16,485
I

1303
00:46:16,864 --> 00:46:19,025
do not have any ex well, the last

1304
00:46:19,025 --> 00:46:21,025
time I online dated in a non kink

1305
00:46:21,025 --> 00:46:21,525
way,

1306
00:46:22,945 --> 00:46:24,565
I met my it was my

1307
00:46:24,945 --> 00:46:27,909
first husband who clearly not divorced from. That

1308
00:46:27,909 --> 00:46:28,969
was on ICQ.

1309
00:46:29,349 --> 00:46:31,190
And if you even know what that is,

1310
00:46:31,190 --> 00:46:33,050
we're old together. Right?

1311
00:46:34,309 --> 00:46:34,809
So

1312
00:46:36,230 --> 00:46:38,789
I'm not gonna say I have a lot

1313
00:46:38,789 --> 00:46:39,690
of understanding

1314
00:46:39,989 --> 00:46:41,130
of non kink

1315
00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:43,805
spaces as a person trying to meet a

1316
00:46:43,805 --> 00:46:44,305
partner?

1317
00:46:45,085 --> 00:46:46,144
I I don't.

1318
00:46:46,845 --> 00:46:47,985
But from everything

1319
00:46:48,285 --> 00:46:49,025
I observe,

1320
00:46:50,445 --> 00:46:51,265
the same

1321
00:46:52,605 --> 00:46:55,105
different flavor, same problem of,

1322
00:46:56,170 --> 00:46:58,329
oh, they said they were this. Like, in

1323
00:46:58,329 --> 00:47:00,250
the non kink spaces, I hear people talk

1324
00:47:00,250 --> 00:47:01,309
about how well, you

1325
00:47:01,849 --> 00:47:04,329
know, we've been talking every day and we've

1326
00:47:04,329 --> 00:47:05,929
been seeing each other and we're talking about

1327
00:47:05,929 --> 00:47:08,826
moving in and we did move in, but

1328
00:47:08,826 --> 00:47:10,919
then they ghosted me. But then they told

1329
00:47:10,919 --> 00:47:13,012
me that it wasn't really it wasn't really

1330
00:47:13,012 --> 00:47:15,105
that serious, or I found out that they

1331
00:47:15,105 --> 00:47:17,197
had a partner already. Yeah. That's just a

1332
00:47:17,197 --> 00:47:19,291
different flavor of some of what you can

1333
00:47:19,291 --> 00:47:21,383
find in kink spaces when you're trying to

1334
00:47:21,383 --> 00:47:23,476
find a dom or sub, and they're full

1335
00:47:23,476 --> 00:47:26,079
of shit. Right? Now the differences the one

1336
00:47:26,079 --> 00:47:28,739
big differences, and this is an important distinction.

1337
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,159
In kink, when you finally do meet up

1338
00:47:32,159 --> 00:47:32,900
with somebody

1339
00:47:34,159 --> 00:47:36,320
and you are going to play in some

1340
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,335
way, The nature of the way what we're

1341
00:47:39,335 --> 00:47:40,315
playing at

1342
00:47:40,695 --> 00:47:41,414
is has

1343
00:47:42,295 --> 00:47:44,614
everything has a potential for for danger and

1344
00:47:44,614 --> 00:47:45,514
harm and violence.

1345
00:47:45,974 --> 00:47:48,215
But like in kink, we're actively hitting one

1346
00:47:48,215 --> 00:47:50,875
another with things. Right? Like, we're we're actively

1347
00:47:51,175 --> 00:47:51,675
sometimes

1348
00:47:52,530 --> 00:47:55,890
causing pain, potentially causing harm. There's there's that

1349
00:47:55,890 --> 00:47:57,670
kind of risk. And so

1350
00:47:58,210 --> 00:48:00,929
then the importance of trying to figure out,

1351
00:48:00,929 --> 00:48:03,329
is this person a safe person to play

1352
00:48:03,329 --> 00:48:05,489
with or to be around or to do

1353
00:48:05,489 --> 00:48:07,570
things with? Do I really want them to

1354
00:48:07,570 --> 00:48:09,335
be my dom or sub or both?

1355
00:48:10,034 --> 00:48:12,355
There's that layer that can't be I'm not

1356
00:48:12,355 --> 00:48:14,054
gonna dismiss it or ignore it.

1357
00:48:14,594 --> 00:48:16,295
But the fact that

1358
00:48:17,235 --> 00:48:19,635
air quote, doms lie to people all day

1359
00:48:19,635 --> 00:48:21,414
long, how was that any different

1360
00:48:21,980 --> 00:48:23,199
than the the douchebag

1361
00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:24,799
who's lying to you

1362
00:48:25,579 --> 00:48:27,819
in a non kinky way? Right? Like, it's

1363
00:48:27,819 --> 00:48:30,059
it's all lies. It's all having to figure

1364
00:48:30,059 --> 00:48:33,359
out, is this person trustworthy? And then sometimes

1365
00:48:33,659 --> 00:48:36,255
being wrong, And they say all the right

1366
00:48:36,255 --> 00:48:38,414
things, and you do all your internal self

1367
00:48:38,414 --> 00:48:40,094
checks, and and you try to figure it

1368
00:48:40,094 --> 00:48:42,014
out, and you try and navigate it. And

1369
00:48:42,014 --> 00:48:44,574
they were just a a lying liar liar,

1370
00:48:44,574 --> 00:48:47,054
pants on fire, motherfucker. Right? Like, those people

1371
00:48:47,054 --> 00:48:48,835
exist in and out of kinks' faces.

1372
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:51,559
So I don't think you get away from

1373
00:48:51,559 --> 00:48:53,019
that, and I don't think

1374
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:54,800
treating

1375
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:57,000
trying to find a kink partner as if

1376
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:58,460
it is completely inherently

1377
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:00,840
different from trying to find any other partner

1378
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:01,579
is helpful.

1379
00:49:02,385 --> 00:49:04,565
The the there's there are risk

1380
00:49:04,945 --> 00:49:07,744
factors you have to take into consideration. There's

1381
00:49:07,744 --> 00:49:09,664
ways of trying to keep yourself as safe

1382
00:49:09,664 --> 00:49:11,744
as possible. You have to consider there's a

1383
00:49:11,744 --> 00:49:13,605
negotiation level that

1384
00:49:14,589 --> 00:49:16,849
probably should exist in non kinky relationships,

1385
00:49:17,309 --> 00:49:18,929
but typically does not. Right?

1386
00:49:19,230 --> 00:49:21,170
There's added a little added complex

1387
00:49:21,710 --> 00:49:22,210
complexity,

1388
00:49:22,909 --> 00:49:25,730
but it's I just don't from watching everybody's

1389
00:49:25,869 --> 00:49:26,769
horror stories,

1390
00:49:28,155 --> 00:49:30,795
from the absolute fucking worst kind of horror

1391
00:49:30,795 --> 00:49:32,175
story to just the,

1392
00:49:32,715 --> 00:49:34,894
well, that's ridiculous kind of horror story,

1393
00:49:35,434 --> 00:49:38,414
it's the same shit, different fucking flavor.

1394
00:49:39,195 --> 00:49:41,869
Yeah. You know? There will be exceptions to

1395
00:49:41,869 --> 00:49:43,570
this, of course, of course. But, like

1396
00:49:44,030 --> 00:49:45,710
so when you know, if you're the type

1397
00:49:45,710 --> 00:49:46,670
of person who's like, well, how do I

1398
00:49:46,670 --> 00:49:48,030
find a dom or subbed? Well, you find

1399
00:49:48,030 --> 00:49:50,030
them like you find anybody else. You just

1400
00:49:50,030 --> 00:49:51,710
gotta add that little extra bit of going,

1401
00:49:51,710 --> 00:49:52,829
yeah. But I have to tell somebody I'm

1402
00:49:52,829 --> 00:49:54,164
kinky. I'm I'm gonna have to get them

1403
00:49:54,164 --> 00:49:56,085
to talk about kink with me if they

1404
00:49:56,085 --> 00:49:56,905
choose to.

1405
00:49:57,445 --> 00:50:00,025
High onyx rubbing up against my microphone. Mhmm.

1406
00:50:00,565 --> 00:50:02,644
So, ma'am, please don't rub your cheek on

1407
00:50:02,644 --> 00:50:04,965
the microphone. People are trying to listen. I

1408
00:50:04,965 --> 00:50:06,824
apologize for anybody with earbuds.

1409
00:50:11,559 --> 00:50:13,559
So, yeah, I think I'm gonna use the

1410
00:50:13,559 --> 00:50:15,400
word that you have taught me, and you

1411
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:17,079
laugh every time I say it because it's

1412
00:50:17,079 --> 00:50:18,139
so fucking true.

1413
00:50:18,679 --> 00:50:19,980
It's a patience thing.

1414
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:22,440
It's it's a patience. It's a time and

1415
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:25,304
patience thing. Sometimes lightning strikes, and you just

1416
00:50:25,304 --> 00:50:27,625
meet somebody, and you just know, and it

1417
00:50:27,625 --> 00:50:29,784
just works. And, man, if that happens to

1418
00:50:29,784 --> 00:50:31,864
you, I'm so happy for you. I'm so

1419
00:50:31,864 --> 00:50:33,244
happy for you. That's wonderful.

1420
00:50:34,105 --> 00:50:35,784
The rest of us, we're gonna have to

1421
00:50:35,784 --> 00:50:37,545
work through our own shit. The person we're

1422
00:50:37,545 --> 00:50:38,585
trying to talk to is gonna have to

1423
00:50:38,585 --> 00:50:39,300
work through their own

1424
00:50:42,340 --> 00:50:44,739
idiosyncrasies and insecurities to come together to go,

1425
00:50:44,739 --> 00:50:46,260
hey, by the way, I like this kink.

1426
00:50:46,260 --> 00:50:47,539
Do you like this kink? Can we do

1427
00:50:47,539 --> 00:50:49,079
this kink together? Like,

1428
00:50:49,940 --> 00:50:52,579
yeah. And that's a time thing. Mhmm. You

1429
00:50:52,579 --> 00:50:53,079
know?

1430
00:50:53,664 --> 00:50:55,664
Yeah. And then you add layers of, like,

1431
00:50:55,664 --> 00:50:56,164
frenzy

1432
00:50:56,784 --> 00:50:57,525
to it.

1433
00:50:58,464 --> 00:51:00,304
We were talking about that, what, in last

1434
00:51:00,304 --> 00:51:01,364
last week's episode.

1435
00:51:02,384 --> 00:51:04,144
We focus on sub frenzy because of the

1436
00:51:04,144 --> 00:51:05,424
danger typically to

1437
00:51:06,224 --> 00:51:08,484
as a submissive can put themselves in unintentionally.

1438
00:51:09,789 --> 00:51:11,429
But frenzy is frenzy, and it will make

1439
00:51:11,549 --> 00:51:13,069
it will cause you to make some decisions

1440
00:51:13,069 --> 00:51:14,449
you would not make otherwise.

1441
00:51:15,869 --> 00:51:18,109
You will say yes to a partner that

1442
00:51:18,109 --> 00:51:20,589
in other moments, you'd be like, what was

1443
00:51:20,589 --> 00:51:21,569
I even thinking?

1444
00:51:22,429 --> 00:51:24,945
And, again, that's where that complexity comes in

1445
00:51:24,945 --> 00:51:26,785
because what we're trying to do with one

1446
00:51:26,785 --> 00:51:28,244
another when we get kinky,

1447
00:51:28,864 --> 00:51:30,305
you know, even if you're not trying to

1448
00:51:30,305 --> 00:51:31,585
play with pain, you're just trying to play

1449
00:51:31,585 --> 00:51:33,265
with sensation, you're just trying to try new

1450
00:51:33,265 --> 00:51:36,065
things out, there is an inherent risk to

1451
00:51:36,065 --> 00:51:36,965
all of it,

1452
00:51:38,369 --> 00:51:38,869
mental,

1453
00:51:39,569 --> 00:51:40,549
emotional, physical,

1454
00:51:41,329 --> 00:51:43,750
that does have to be navigated. But the

1455
00:51:44,049 --> 00:51:44,549
the

1456
00:51:45,489 --> 00:51:47,010
and I keep seeing these in the comments

1457
00:51:47,010 --> 00:51:48,449
on the script. Where do I be the

1458
00:51:48,449 --> 00:51:50,049
top? Where do I be the top? Like,

1459
00:51:50,049 --> 00:51:50,549
just

1460
00:51:51,489 --> 00:51:53,744
go where you like to be with people.

1461
00:51:53,905 --> 00:51:55,425
That can be a non kink space or,

1462
00:51:55,425 --> 00:51:57,025
like, can be a kink space. I'm always

1463
00:51:57,025 --> 00:51:58,704
gonna be in favor, I think, of kink

1464
00:51:58,704 --> 00:51:59,204
spaces.

1465
00:51:59,505 --> 00:52:00,325
Mhmm. Because

1466
00:52:00,785 --> 00:52:01,445
if you

1467
00:52:02,144 --> 00:52:04,065
have, like, a name you make up or

1468
00:52:04,065 --> 00:52:06,065
a handle that you use and you aren't

1469
00:52:06,065 --> 00:52:07,265
showing your face if that's not a thing

1470
00:52:07,265 --> 00:52:09,369
you're comfortable with, You could just, like, put

1471
00:52:09,369 --> 00:52:11,210
it out there. You know? Yeah. And there's

1472
00:52:11,210 --> 00:52:13,289
none of this later going back of, oh,

1473
00:52:13,289 --> 00:52:15,130
and now I have to tell the person

1474
00:52:15,130 --> 00:52:15,630
or,

1475
00:52:15,929 --> 00:52:18,110
oh, how do I bring this up delicately?

1476
00:52:18,409 --> 00:52:20,570
Well, we're on FetLife where half of everybody

1477
00:52:20,570 --> 00:52:21,690
here is naked. So

1478
00:52:22,224 --> 00:52:23,344
Yeah. You know, there's

1479
00:52:24,304 --> 00:52:26,784
it's it's just there's a layer of comfort

1480
00:52:26,784 --> 00:52:27,684
to me personally.

1481
00:52:28,545 --> 00:52:30,304
But, ultimately, you have to go where you're

1482
00:52:30,304 --> 00:52:30,804
comfortable.

1483
00:52:31,344 --> 00:52:32,164
That's true.

1484
00:52:34,079 --> 00:52:36,000
You know, I just I just want

1485
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:38,820
somebody mentioned ICQ earlier.

1486
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:40,820
Yeah. I I remember ICQ

1487
00:52:41,599 --> 00:52:43,360
all too well. All too well. Had had

1488
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:44,660
a lot of fun on there.

1489
00:52:45,039 --> 00:52:46,880
You know, just to mention a few other

1490
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:47,380
places,

1491
00:52:48,684 --> 00:52:50,545
didn't think about quite in the beginning,

1492
00:52:50,925 --> 00:52:52,144
but, you know, Twitch

1493
00:52:53,085 --> 00:52:54,444
is another place. They have a lot of

1494
00:52:54,444 --> 00:52:54,944
groups

1495
00:52:55,405 --> 00:52:56,864
on there. Mhmm. Mhmm.

1496
00:52:57,724 --> 00:53:00,140
Kick, k I k. Yes. That, for a

1497
00:53:00,140 --> 00:53:01,980
long time, was very popular with Kinksters. That

1498
00:53:01,980 --> 00:53:03,760
has been very popular with Kinksters.

1499
00:53:04,619 --> 00:53:06,380
A lot of groups on there. Yes. You

1500
00:53:06,380 --> 00:53:08,300
have to search them out unless you find

1501
00:53:08,300 --> 00:53:08,800
somebody.

1502
00:53:09,980 --> 00:53:11,599
I know a few people

1503
00:53:12,059 --> 00:53:12,559
on

1504
00:53:12,864 --> 00:53:15,045
FET who have started using Telegraph.

1505
00:53:16,224 --> 00:53:18,325
Yeah. I believe it is. Telegraph.

1506
00:53:20,144 --> 00:53:20,644
Now

1507
00:53:20,945 --> 00:53:22,785
the cup the 2 folks that I I

1508
00:53:22,785 --> 00:53:25,505
know that run it, they they very tightly

1509
00:53:25,505 --> 00:53:26,005
monitor

1510
00:53:26,789 --> 00:53:29,110
their telegraph groups. Only a certain number of

1511
00:53:29,110 --> 00:53:31,369
people Mhmm. Are allowed in there.

1512
00:53:33,829 --> 00:53:35,849
They kinda gatekeep on the men.

1513
00:53:36,390 --> 00:53:39,195
You you know? You know? And It's not

1514
00:53:39,195 --> 00:53:40,795
all of you, but it's enough of you.

1515
00:53:40,795 --> 00:53:43,195
Right. Good lord. You know, you in order

1516
00:53:43,195 --> 00:53:44,974
to get in, you have to be

1517
00:53:45,835 --> 00:53:47,355
a little bit of a vetting process to

1518
00:53:47,355 --> 00:53:48,715
go through to get on their Yeah. On

1519
00:53:48,715 --> 00:53:49,934
their telegraph server.

1520
00:53:50,555 --> 00:53:53,035
You know, they they don't just want anybody

1521
00:53:53,434 --> 00:53:54,655
Mhmm. In there.

1522
00:53:56,050 --> 00:53:58,710
You you know, going another level, you know,

1523
00:53:58,849 --> 00:54:01,730
Kayla talked about making up a username for

1524
00:54:01,730 --> 00:54:03,969
your for your online, you know, and and

1525
00:54:03,969 --> 00:54:05,889
that is an important thing. It does give

1526
00:54:05,889 --> 00:54:07,969
you a a little bit of safety in

1527
00:54:07,969 --> 00:54:08,505
all this.

1528
00:54:09,545 --> 00:54:11,384
But, you know, again, it was mentioned in

1529
00:54:11,384 --> 00:54:13,065
in chat. I think Rara brought it up.

1530
00:54:13,065 --> 00:54:14,744
You know, eventually, you're gonna have to to

1531
00:54:14,744 --> 00:54:17,304
give somebody your real name. Yes. You know?

1532
00:54:17,304 --> 00:54:19,384
And and that is a matter of of

1533
00:54:19,384 --> 00:54:21,545
building trust, you know, with talking with this

1534
00:54:21,545 --> 00:54:22,045
person.

1535
00:54:22,344 --> 00:54:24,329
I I know what I did with with

1536
00:54:25,210 --> 00:54:28,010
with Kayla here, when we started talking and

1537
00:54:28,010 --> 00:54:30,190
and once I started, you know, feeling comfortable

1538
00:54:30,250 --> 00:54:32,489
and built enough trust, I gave her links

1539
00:54:32,489 --> 00:54:34,329
to to all my social media site, you

1540
00:54:34,329 --> 00:54:36,110
know, Fetla or not Fetlife,

1541
00:54:36,489 --> 00:54:36,809
but,

1542
00:54:38,489 --> 00:54:38,989
Facebook,

1543
00:54:39,525 --> 00:54:41,864
actually, you know, different different places.

1544
00:54:43,284 --> 00:54:47,284
Telegram. Okay. Yes. Sorry. Not not tell Telegraph

1545
00:54:47,284 --> 00:54:48,885
is a thing. I was like, wow. They're

1546
00:54:48,885 --> 00:54:49,944
using that. Telegram.

1547
00:54:50,405 --> 00:54:51,464
Okay. Okay.

1548
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:55,400
But, you know, yeah, there there's going to

1549
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:56,139
come a point

1550
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:57,960
that, you know, you you do have to

1551
00:54:57,960 --> 00:54:59,960
say, you know, I'm you know, this is

1552
00:54:59,960 --> 00:55:01,980
my real name. I'm I'm so and so.

1553
00:55:02,359 --> 00:55:05,000
Right. Yeah. There yes. Absolutely. And, you know,

1554
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:06,760
when when we got to that point, like

1555
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:09,055
I said, I I I gave Kayla my,

1556
00:55:09,055 --> 00:55:12,434
you know, link to my my Vanilla

1557
00:55:13,215 --> 00:55:15,614
Facebook, and I even, you know, gave her

1558
00:55:15,614 --> 00:55:18,175
my my full given name and told her

1559
00:55:18,175 --> 00:55:19,855
to do a background check. And that was

1560
00:55:19,855 --> 00:55:21,190
all I needed. It was so sweet when

1561
00:55:21,190 --> 00:55:22,550
he gave me his Facebook because I had

1562
00:55:22,550 --> 00:55:24,489
already found his Facebook. It's linked in.

1563
00:55:25,269 --> 00:55:27,030
A couple other things that were, like, real

1564
00:55:27,030 --> 00:55:29,349
obscure, but I was like, don't worry. I

1565
00:55:29,349 --> 00:55:30,730
know how this works.

1566
00:55:32,885 --> 00:55:35,125
You know? And I'll I'll say I I

1567
00:55:35,125 --> 00:55:35,625
agree

1568
00:55:36,405 --> 00:55:38,804
with completely JB. Another thing to mention for

1569
00:55:38,804 --> 00:55:41,864
places you can meet kinky people online, Discord.

1570
00:55:42,885 --> 00:55:44,964
Mhmm. Most of the groups I've heard about

1571
00:55:45,045 --> 00:55:46,349
well, I think we talked about it in

1572
00:55:46,349 --> 00:55:47,170
a past couple

1573
00:55:47,550 --> 00:55:49,630
episodes, through this series. They will have a

1574
00:55:49,630 --> 00:55:51,470
vetting process. You'll have to know somebody who

1575
00:55:51,470 --> 00:55:52,769
knows somebody. You know?

1576
00:55:53,150 --> 00:55:55,070
That can be frustrating when you're new and

1577
00:55:55,070 --> 00:55:56,510
you don't quite know anybody yet and you're

1578
00:55:56,510 --> 00:55:58,349
trying to find your way through, but it

1579
00:55:58,349 --> 00:56:00,450
really is meant to be

1580
00:56:01,125 --> 00:56:02,585
to the benefit of the community.

1581
00:56:02,965 --> 00:56:06,184
Because when just anybody can get in,

1582
00:56:06,804 --> 00:56:09,605
then anybody gets in. And that's not meant

1583
00:56:09,605 --> 00:56:11,204
to be a, oh, you're not like us,

1584
00:56:11,204 --> 00:56:12,565
you can't be in, but it's more like

1585
00:56:12,565 --> 00:56:14,449
a, are you a safe ish person?

1586
00:56:14,989 --> 00:56:16,590
Like or are you gonna come in and

1587
00:56:16,590 --> 00:56:18,210
wreak havoc and make people uncomfortable

1588
00:56:18,510 --> 00:56:20,289
and kill this community? Right?

1589
00:56:20,989 --> 00:56:22,130
Like, vetting process,

1590
00:56:22,429 --> 00:56:24,349
or are you pretending to be something because

1591
00:56:24,349 --> 00:56:25,869
you're trying to get dirt on somebody? Like,

1592
00:56:25,869 --> 00:56:28,324
there's all kinds of reasons to vet

1593
00:56:28,625 --> 00:56:31,525
kink spaces before being able to be allowed

1594
00:56:31,905 --> 00:56:33,264
in. So while that can be a little

1595
00:56:33,264 --> 00:56:33,764
frustrating

1596
00:56:34,625 --> 00:56:36,464
and, you know, you might feel impatient about

1597
00:56:36,464 --> 00:56:36,964
it,

1598
00:56:37,664 --> 00:56:39,750
there is a reason for it and just

1599
00:56:39,750 --> 00:56:41,510
keep looking until, you know, you find a

1600
00:56:41,510 --> 00:56:43,349
connection and can maybe get into that group

1601
00:56:43,349 --> 00:56:44,650
or another group or whatever.

1602
00:56:45,750 --> 00:56:46,250
But,

1603
00:56:49,349 --> 00:56:50,809
it happened again.

1604
00:56:51,110 --> 00:56:52,734
Know what's happening to both of us. I

1605
00:56:52,734 --> 00:56:54,414
think it's a drop in barometric pressure from

1606
00:56:54,414 --> 00:56:56,755
the oncoming storm. With that. Let's go

1607
00:56:57,135 --> 00:56:57,795
with that.

1608
00:56:58,175 --> 00:56:59,074
Sounds good.

1609
00:56:59,454 --> 00:57:01,934
Probably, you know, no scientific basis for it,

1610
00:57:01,934 --> 00:57:03,214
but, you know, it sounds good at the

1611
00:57:03,214 --> 00:57:04,734
moment. This is one of the times I

1612
00:57:04,734 --> 00:57:06,014
wish we did a script. But if I

1613
00:57:06,014 --> 00:57:06,755
did a script,

1614
00:57:07,054 --> 00:57:08,519
oh, y'all, if you wanna know how I

1615
00:57:08,519 --> 00:57:10,119
sound on the script, go back to episode

1616
00:57:10,119 --> 00:57:10,619
1.

1617
00:57:16,039 --> 00:57:17,559
I had there was a point I was

1618
00:57:17,559 --> 00:57:18,300
gonna make.

1619
00:57:22,934 --> 00:57:24,295
I think I remember I think this was

1620
00:57:24,295 --> 00:57:25,414
the point I was trying to make. It's

1621
00:57:25,414 --> 00:57:27,015
a point I wanna make, so here we

1622
00:57:27,015 --> 00:57:27,515
go.

1623
00:57:28,135 --> 00:57:30,235
Yes. Eventually, you have to give somebody

1624
00:57:30,535 --> 00:57:32,215
your real name Mhmm. If you're trying to

1625
00:57:32,215 --> 00:57:34,695
have a long term especially power exchange. You're

1626
00:57:34,695 --> 00:57:36,615
trying to develop a relationship with this person.

1627
00:57:36,615 --> 00:57:38,949
Yeah. I would like you to listen

1628
00:57:39,250 --> 00:57:41,429
to that internal voice if you

1629
00:57:41,889 --> 00:57:42,630
keep hesitating.

1630
00:57:43,170 --> 00:57:44,309
Yes. Sometimes

1631
00:57:44,690 --> 00:57:47,589
that's your own fears getting in the way,

1632
00:57:47,969 --> 00:57:48,469
but

1633
00:57:48,849 --> 00:57:51,010
I think more often than not, that's a

1634
00:57:51,010 --> 00:57:52,949
little voice going something ain't right here.

1635
00:57:53,405 --> 00:57:56,144
And even if everything really is okay

1636
00:57:57,164 --> 00:57:58,605
with that person and the and there's

1637
00:57:59,085 --> 00:58:00,864
and your instincts were a little off,

1638
00:58:01,244 --> 00:58:03,164
your instincts are still trying to say, I

1639
00:58:03,164 --> 00:58:05,264
don't feel safe enough yet.

1640
00:58:05,644 --> 00:58:07,960
Mhmm. Right? I we need to honor that

1641
00:58:07,960 --> 00:58:10,680
voice because Right. Too often we ignore that

1642
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:13,640
voice, and and then something goes wrong. Sometimes

1643
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:14,140
it's

1644
00:58:14,519 --> 00:58:16,780
a innocent go wrong, and sometimes it's not.

1645
00:58:17,079 --> 00:58:19,160
So, yes, eventually, you just have to say

1646
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:20,519
this is who I am. That does not

1647
00:58:20,519 --> 00:58:22,335
mean you have to give them your, like,

1648
00:58:22,414 --> 00:58:24,594
driver's license number, Social Security number, and address,

1649
00:58:24,974 --> 00:58:26,494
but you wanna tell them your real name

1650
00:58:26,494 --> 00:58:28,335
eventually. Because I we're the first people to

1651
00:58:28,335 --> 00:58:31,315
tell people, especially submissives, if you're, like,

1652
00:58:31,614 --> 00:58:34,335
trying to meet up with somebody and and

1653
00:58:34,335 --> 00:58:37,269
negotiate a power exchange relationship and that supposed

1654
00:58:37,329 --> 00:58:39,429
dom will not tell you their name,

1655
00:58:40,369 --> 00:58:42,710
fucking run. Like, what else are they hiding?

1656
00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:43,909
Mhmm. But

1657
00:58:44,609 --> 00:58:46,849
if there's something within you that holds you

1658
00:58:46,849 --> 00:58:47,349
back,

1659
00:58:48,494 --> 00:58:51,295
that's information to to pay attention to. Either

1660
00:58:51,295 --> 00:58:52,755
means you're just not ready yet,

1661
00:58:53,295 --> 00:58:55,454
they haven't done enough of what you need

1662
00:58:55,454 --> 00:58:56,355
to feel comfortable,

1663
00:58:56,734 --> 00:58:59,375
or you're picking up on something, and this

1664
00:58:59,375 --> 00:59:01,054
is not the right person to give that

1665
00:59:01,054 --> 00:59:01,554
information

1666
00:59:02,250 --> 00:59:02,829
to. So

1667
00:59:03,610 --> 00:59:05,070
there's a balance between

1668
00:59:06,329 --> 00:59:08,090
sometimes taking a leap of faith and doing

1669
00:59:08,090 --> 00:59:10,250
a thing that scares you slightly Mhmm.

1670
00:59:10,730 --> 00:59:11,230
Versus

1671
00:59:12,329 --> 00:59:12,829
ignoring

1672
00:59:13,210 --> 00:59:15,405
your own internal voice screaming at you that

1673
00:59:15,405 --> 00:59:17,324
something's wrong. And you won't always get that

1674
00:59:17,324 --> 00:59:19,644
right, and that that hopefully, that's okay. Like,

1675
00:59:19,644 --> 00:59:21,425
that that's just the nature of it.

1676
00:59:21,724 --> 00:59:22,224
But

1677
00:59:22,525 --> 00:59:24,364
don't you know, if the if that's coming

1678
00:59:24,364 --> 00:59:25,644
up for you and you're like, nope. Nope.

1679
00:59:25,644 --> 00:59:26,545
I don't feel comfortable

1680
00:59:26,909 --> 00:59:28,349
telling them where I am or who I

1681
00:59:28,349 --> 00:59:28,849
am.

1682
00:59:29,230 --> 00:59:31,409
Pay attention to that. There's something there.

1683
00:59:31,789 --> 00:59:32,690
Even if it's

1684
00:59:33,230 --> 00:59:35,889
your own anxiousness, that's still important information.

1685
00:59:37,469 --> 00:59:37,869
So

1686
00:59:39,824 --> 00:59:40,324
yeah,

1687
00:59:43,105 --> 00:59:44,304
there's been a little bit of,

1688
00:59:45,905 --> 00:59:47,764
chat about, you know,

1689
00:59:48,304 --> 00:59:50,484
getting to know somebody before you date versus

1690
00:59:50,625 --> 00:59:51,125
not.

1691
00:59:51,505 --> 00:59:53,264
And I am I am fully in the

1692
00:59:53,264 --> 00:59:55,829
camp of I can't I can't do anything

1693
00:59:55,829 --> 00:59:57,510
with anybody that I hadn't I think, like,

1694
00:59:57,510 --> 00:59:58,789
silence has at least had a cup of

1695
00:59:58,789 --> 01:00:01,510
coffee with it. Mhmm. I'm personally just not

1696
01:00:01,510 --> 01:00:03,849
wired that way. If you are wired

1697
01:00:04,150 --> 01:00:05,049
to just go,

1698
01:00:05,589 --> 01:00:07,269
I pick you out from across the room

1699
01:00:07,269 --> 01:00:09,849
and you look interesting, sure. Let's try this.

1700
01:00:10,684 --> 01:00:12,764
Great. It's still the whole where to find

1701
01:00:12,764 --> 01:00:14,385
them still all applies to

1702
01:00:15,405 --> 01:00:17,724
you. I I do still think though when

1703
01:00:17,724 --> 01:00:19,724
we're especially talking about power exchange because that's

1704
01:00:19,724 --> 01:00:21,804
what we talk about. Mhmm. And that can

1705
01:00:21,804 --> 01:00:23,184
be different from other

1706
01:00:23,485 --> 01:00:24,704
more casual things.

1707
01:00:25,610 --> 01:00:27,769
They still need to be somebody you want

1708
01:00:27,769 --> 01:00:30,410
to be around. Yeah. And power exchange, one

1709
01:00:30,410 --> 01:00:31,610
of you is gonna be the dom, one

1710
01:00:31,610 --> 01:00:32,650
of you is gonna be the sub. If

1711
01:00:32,650 --> 01:00:34,090
your switch is you're gonna go back and

1712
01:00:34,090 --> 01:00:35,869
forth. You're gonna be whatever. But

1713
01:00:36,809 --> 01:00:37,949
but at some point,

1714
01:00:38,250 --> 01:00:40,570
one person here is going to hand over

1715
01:00:40,570 --> 01:00:43,045
power and control to another human being,

1716
01:00:43,505 --> 01:00:45,264
which means that person with power and control

1717
01:00:45,264 --> 01:00:46,324
now is responsible

1718
01:00:46,864 --> 01:00:49,184
for the safety and well-being of their partner.

1719
01:00:49,184 --> 01:00:51,924
And if you don't really like them,

1720
01:00:52,304 --> 01:00:53,844
what are we doing?

1721
01:00:55,900 --> 01:00:58,380
Like, why are we negotiating a whole ass

1722
01:00:58,380 --> 01:01:00,300
relationship where even if you don't live together

1723
01:01:00,300 --> 01:01:01,739
and you don't see each other every day,

1724
01:01:01,739 --> 01:01:03,280
but you are an integral

1725
01:01:03,579 --> 01:01:06,699
part of each other's lives on some level

1726
01:01:06,699 --> 01:01:09,599
because that's how power exchange fucking works.

1727
01:01:10,974 --> 01:01:13,375
Why? Why are we doing it with somebody

1728
01:01:13,375 --> 01:01:16,255
we don't like? Yeah. I know the answer

1729
01:01:16,255 --> 01:01:18,175
is usually desperation and you convince yourself you're

1730
01:01:18,175 --> 01:01:19,375
never gonna get to do this with anybody

1731
01:01:19,375 --> 01:01:20,894
else and this one is your only chance.

1732
01:01:20,894 --> 01:01:23,039
They are never your only chance.

1733
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:25,219
They might be your most convenient,

1734
01:01:25,679 --> 01:01:27,760
but that don't make them the right choice.

1735
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:28,260
Okay?

1736
01:01:28,880 --> 01:01:29,860
Yeah. So

1737
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:31,460
yeah.

1738
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:34,160
So I I I just wanna add one

1739
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:36,500
one more caveat Mhmm. To this.

1740
01:01:37,265 --> 01:01:38,164
When it comes

1741
01:01:40,065 --> 01:01:43,025
to, meeting somebody online Mhmm. And and I

1742
01:01:43,025 --> 01:01:45,025
think I'd pretty safely say even with a

1743
01:01:45,025 --> 01:01:46,164
dating app Mhmm.

1744
01:01:46,945 --> 01:01:48,704
When you go to meet somebody for the

1745
01:01:48,704 --> 01:01:50,785
first time that you met online, set up

1746
01:01:50,785 --> 01:01:51,605
a safe call.

1747
01:01:51,905 --> 01:01:53,380
Yes. We have talked about that before, but

1748
01:01:53,380 --> 01:01:55,219
it's always worth talking about it. We we

1749
01:01:55,219 --> 01:01:57,400
have talked about that numerous times before.

1750
01:01:57,699 --> 01:02:00,039
I I think that's something that always bears,

1751
01:02:00,980 --> 01:02:01,719
a reminder.

1752
01:02:02,099 --> 01:02:02,840
You know,

1753
01:02:03,380 --> 01:02:05,445
set up a a safe call. You you're

1754
01:02:05,445 --> 01:02:06,664
going to meet somebody

1755
01:02:06,965 --> 01:02:08,965
that you have never met in person, you've

1756
01:02:08,965 --> 01:02:10,105
only talked with online,

1757
01:02:10,565 --> 01:02:11,785
you know, have a friend

1758
01:02:12,405 --> 01:02:14,724
that, you know, okay, I'm gonna meet this

1759
01:02:14,724 --> 01:02:16,344
person, meeting at 2 o'clock,

1760
01:02:17,364 --> 01:02:18,025
you know.

1761
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:19,739
I'll be at this location.

1762
01:02:20,039 --> 01:02:21,420
This is where we're gonna be,

1763
01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:23,019
you know,

1764
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:26,840
in an hour, I'll reach out to you

1765
01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:28,920
and let you know. Right. You know, but

1766
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:31,079
have that have that have some kind of

1767
01:02:31,079 --> 01:02:31,579
of

1768
01:02:33,244 --> 01:02:33,744
safety.

1769
01:02:34,364 --> 01:02:35,965
Somebody needs to be checking up on you.

1770
01:02:35,965 --> 01:02:37,505
Right. I know where the fuck you are.

1771
01:02:37,724 --> 01:02:39,644
Right. Thank you. Ideally with who you are

1772
01:02:39,644 --> 01:02:42,605
with. Mhmm. Right? So again, you don't have

1773
01:02:42,605 --> 01:02:45,005
to give away somebody's, like, super secret information,

1774
01:02:45,005 --> 01:02:46,525
but you they should know you should be

1775
01:02:46,525 --> 01:02:48,320
like, this is the person I'm going to

1776
01:02:48,320 --> 01:02:50,160
be with, first name, last name. That's all

1777
01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:52,260
they need to know. Mhmm. Unless, like,

1778
01:02:53,199 --> 01:02:55,199
you've got proof now quite frankly, and I

1779
01:02:55,199 --> 01:02:57,039
know JB did it or would have done

1780
01:02:57,039 --> 01:02:57,539
it.

1781
01:02:58,000 --> 01:02:59,855
I think you did it. First time we

1782
01:02:59,855 --> 01:03:01,534
got together, it's like, tell somebody who you're

1783
01:03:01,534 --> 01:03:03,135
with. Give them my information. And he was

1784
01:03:03,135 --> 01:03:04,655
like, here's all the information you can give

1785
01:03:04,655 --> 01:03:06,994
them. His name, his address, like,

1786
01:03:07,454 --> 01:03:08,514
stuff about him.

1787
01:03:09,775 --> 01:03:11,694
If you don't if you were not given

1788
01:03:11,694 --> 01:03:13,534
that kind of go ahead or you have

1789
01:03:13,534 --> 01:03:16,190
that conversation and they're like, because people have

1790
01:03:16,190 --> 01:03:18,589
their own sense of privacy and, like, it's

1791
01:03:18,589 --> 01:03:19,409
gotta be respected.

1792
01:03:19,949 --> 01:03:22,670
Minimum, their their actual legal change. Ask for

1793
01:03:22,670 --> 01:03:23,570
it. I I

1794
01:03:23,949 --> 01:03:25,550
just gave it to her. Right. But, I

1795
01:03:25,550 --> 01:03:27,550
mean, in that conversation, we were talking about

1796
01:03:27,550 --> 01:03:29,614
how make sure somebody knows I'm coming and

1797
01:03:29,614 --> 01:03:31,295
then I will be here with you. Mhmm.

1798
01:03:31,295 --> 01:03:33,135
And this is what you know, here, tell

1799
01:03:33,135 --> 01:03:34,655
them this. Right? Yes. Yes. Yes.

1800
01:03:35,375 --> 01:03:37,934
That's another sometimes it's a good test of,

1801
01:03:37,934 --> 01:03:39,375
is this a person I should even be

1802
01:03:39,375 --> 01:03:40,434
meeting up with? Because,

1803
01:03:41,135 --> 01:03:44,079
again, nobody has you know, is obligated to

1804
01:03:44,079 --> 01:03:45,760
just go, here's where I live and here's

1805
01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:48,640
my driver's license number. But their first and

1806
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:49,460
last name

1807
01:03:50,719 --> 01:03:52,000
should be it should be okay for you

1808
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:54,545
to tell your most trusted friend Yeah. Who

1809
01:03:54,545 --> 01:03:56,224
you're gonna be with and what their name

1810
01:03:56,224 --> 01:03:59,425
is. And when somebody shies away from even

1811
01:03:59,425 --> 01:03:59,925
that,

1812
01:04:01,184 --> 01:04:02,864
y'all ain't ready to meet you yet. You

1813
01:04:02,864 --> 01:04:04,664
you you you you better be questioning this.

1814
01:04:04,864 --> 01:04:06,565
Might have a reason for that.

1815
01:04:07,539 --> 01:04:09,219
I'm still looking giving a side eye, but

1816
01:04:09,219 --> 01:04:11,059
I I contend there could I admit, there

1817
01:04:11,059 --> 01:04:12,739
could be a reason. That means you're not

1818
01:04:12,739 --> 01:04:13,239
ready.

1819
01:04:13,859 --> 01:04:15,139
Because if you don't feel like you could

1820
01:04:15,139 --> 01:04:17,000
trust somebody with your your name,

1821
01:04:18,099 --> 01:04:19,940
what are we doing? What are we doing?

1822
01:04:19,940 --> 01:04:21,719
Because if something happens,

1823
01:04:22,325 --> 01:04:24,644
they need the the person who's the safe

1824
01:04:24,644 --> 01:04:26,825
caller who's watching you on their Life's 360

1825
01:04:26,885 --> 01:04:29,065
or however it's being done in 2024,

1826
01:04:30,485 --> 01:04:32,485
needs to know who who you're looking for.

1827
01:04:32,485 --> 01:04:34,244
They know your they know their friend's name.

1828
01:04:34,244 --> 01:04:36,599
They need to know the old person's name.

1829
01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:38,760
That's bare that's bare minimum, y'all. That's bare

1830
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:39,660
minimum to

1831
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:41,660
me. You know, that that's a good point.

1832
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:44,780
Something like Life 360, you you know,

1833
01:04:45,160 --> 01:04:47,000
you can even take it one step further

1834
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:47,820
and, you know,

1835
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:50,204
share that with your with a friend. Mhmm.

1836
01:04:50,285 --> 01:04:51,965
You know? So that way, they can see

1837
01:04:51,965 --> 01:04:54,385
where you are at at any given time.

1838
01:04:54,844 --> 01:04:55,344
Yep.

1839
01:04:55,644 --> 01:04:55,965
So

1840
01:04:56,844 --> 01:04:57,344
Yep.

1841
01:04:58,204 --> 01:04:58,704
So

1842
01:04:59,005 --> 01:05:00,305
yeah. I you know,

1843
01:05:01,405 --> 01:05:04,445
where to meet? Wherever people are. Yeah. I

1844
01:05:04,445 --> 01:05:07,469
think if you're struggling with, I don't know

1845
01:05:07,469 --> 01:05:09,309
where to go to meet, because sometimes the

1846
01:05:09,309 --> 01:05:11,309
the options are just overwhelming. I think the

1847
01:05:11,309 --> 01:05:13,630
first question you ask yourself is, do I

1848
01:05:13,630 --> 01:05:15,329
wanna stay in non kink spaces?

1849
01:05:16,269 --> 01:05:17,710
Do I want to go where I can

1850
01:05:17,710 --> 01:05:20,590
be completely open about my kinks? Those are

1851
01:05:20,590 --> 01:05:21,329
kink spaces.

1852
01:05:21,844 --> 01:05:22,505
Or those

1853
01:05:22,964 --> 01:05:24,804
are specific types of dating apps that are,

1854
01:05:24,804 --> 01:05:26,804
like, open to that stuff. I don't know

1855
01:05:26,804 --> 01:05:29,444
enough about the the dating apps to know

1856
01:05:29,444 --> 01:05:31,304
if the, like, the major players

1857
01:05:32,484 --> 01:05:35,125
are okay with that kind of stuff. Anybody

1858
01:05:35,125 --> 01:05:37,090
who would like to chime in that uses

1859
01:05:37,090 --> 01:05:39,170
things like Tinder and all those others, feel

1860
01:05:39,170 --> 01:05:39,670
free.

1861
01:05:40,449 --> 01:05:41,190
But, like,

1862
01:05:41,650 --> 01:05:43,730
shout out to the sponsor this week. Mhmm.

1863
01:05:43,730 --> 01:05:46,230
Floor is one that it's not kink focused,

1864
01:05:46,369 --> 01:05:48,289
but they put it out there. They are

1865
01:05:48,289 --> 01:05:51,195
kink aware. They are they welcome kink sters

1866
01:05:51,195 --> 01:05:52,894
to come in. They limit what

1867
01:05:53,914 --> 01:05:55,275
kind of stuff you can post and put

1868
01:05:55,275 --> 01:05:56,555
out there, but they do that for everybody.

1869
01:05:56,555 --> 01:05:58,155
That's just not a kink thing. That's everybody

1870
01:05:58,155 --> 01:05:59,914
thing. Right? You can't just be posting noods

1871
01:05:59,914 --> 01:06:01,994
left, right, and center. If you want that

1872
01:06:01,994 --> 01:06:04,130
kind of freedom, you go to spaces

1873
01:06:04,989 --> 01:06:06,989
where you can do that kind of thing.

1874
01:06:06,989 --> 01:06:08,909
Mhmm. And that's okay too. But that's the

1875
01:06:08,909 --> 01:06:10,529
first question to ask yourself is,

1876
01:06:10,829 --> 01:06:12,190
do I wanna be real open with my

1877
01:06:12,190 --> 01:06:14,369
kinks? Do I wanna kinda keep that close

1878
01:06:14,589 --> 01:06:15,795
and personal for a while?

1879
01:06:16,514 --> 01:06:18,194
You can keep your kinks close and personal

1880
01:06:18,194 --> 01:06:20,594
to you in kink spaces too, but it's

1881
01:06:20,594 --> 01:06:22,214
just it's real it's much easier

1882
01:06:22,835 --> 01:06:24,674
to just be out there and put it

1883
01:06:24,674 --> 01:06:26,934
out there when you're in a kink space.

1884
01:06:27,394 --> 01:06:27,894
So,

1885
01:06:28,559 --> 01:06:29,539
yeah, it's it's

1886
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:32,640
not, it's simple and it's complex at the

1887
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:34,559
same time. At the same time. It just

1888
01:06:34,640 --> 01:06:36,480
you know, I think they call that life.

1889
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:37,940
I think everything

1890
01:06:38,480 --> 01:06:39,619
everything we do

1891
01:06:40,239 --> 01:06:42,400
is simple and complex, and I find that

1892
01:06:42,400 --> 01:06:42,900
frustrating.

1893
01:06:44,135 --> 01:06:45,494
I would like things to be simple and

1894
01:06:45,494 --> 01:06:47,655
just give me, like, a 3 point checklist,

1895
01:06:47,655 --> 01:06:49,894
and I'll just do things, and I'll get

1896
01:06:49,894 --> 01:06:51,114
what I want. Unfortunately,

1897
01:06:53,094 --> 01:06:53,835
it just

1898
01:06:54,454 --> 01:06:54,954
doesn't

1899
01:06:56,454 --> 01:06:58,315
doesn't work that way

1900
01:06:59,969 --> 01:07:00,469
necessarily.

1901
01:07:01,329 --> 01:07:01,829
So

1902
01:07:05,090 --> 01:07:07,110
there's always more to say about this topic.

1903
01:07:08,130 --> 01:07:10,050
I have linked in the places to where

1904
01:07:10,050 --> 01:07:12,230
we have talked about things that are adjacent

1905
01:07:12,289 --> 01:07:12,914
to this topic.

1906
01:07:14,434 --> 01:07:17,655
We have an very old episode, episode 23

1907
01:07:18,355 --> 01:07:19,094
Mhmm. About,

1908
01:07:20,275 --> 01:07:20,775
finding

1909
01:07:21,235 --> 01:07:22,375
a kinky partner.

1910
01:07:23,474 --> 01:07:25,795
God. I would hesitate to go listen to

1911
01:07:25,795 --> 01:07:28,289
that now. How outdated is that 23. We

1912
01:07:28,289 --> 01:07:29,090
we were still

1913
01:07:29,489 --> 01:07:30,630
it was probably 2016.

1914
01:07:32,210 --> 01:07:34,150
Yeah. That's a long time ago.

1915
01:07:34,849 --> 01:07:36,390
That's probably quite outdated.

1916
01:07:37,250 --> 01:07:39,910
We've got some stuff on vetting a potential

1917
01:07:40,315 --> 01:07:42,974
partner. Vetting a partner is I think some

1918
01:07:43,195 --> 01:07:45,114
younger people might consider it a little old

1919
01:07:45,114 --> 01:07:47,675
fashioned in the kink world, but I think

1920
01:07:47,675 --> 01:07:50,235
it's still relevant because people can say that

1921
01:07:50,235 --> 01:07:51,054
they're anything

1922
01:07:51,355 --> 01:07:53,355
and that they do whatever and they who

1923
01:07:53,515 --> 01:07:55,230
they are whoever they are, they can just

1924
01:07:55,230 --> 01:07:57,329
make shit up. That is true. Everywhere.

1925
01:07:57,630 --> 01:07:58,130
Yeah.

1926
01:07:58,590 --> 01:08:00,510
But when they wanna try and, like, give

1927
01:08:00,510 --> 01:08:02,909
themselves some street cred and start naming a

1928
01:08:02,909 --> 01:08:05,469
munch they go to, well, go fucking check

1929
01:08:05,469 --> 01:08:06,929
that shit out. You know?

1930
01:08:07,230 --> 01:08:09,675
Mhmm. Mhmm. Because you depending on how you're

1931
01:08:09,675 --> 01:08:11,515
what you're doing, you are potentially putting your

1932
01:08:11,515 --> 01:08:13,934
life in somebody's actual fucking hands.

1933
01:08:14,394 --> 01:08:14,894
So

1934
01:08:15,195 --> 01:08:17,295
vetting is a thing. Yep. And then

1935
01:08:17,675 --> 01:08:20,475
couple other we don't talk about this part

1936
01:08:20,475 --> 01:08:22,734
as much as we talk about, like, communication

1937
01:08:22,875 --> 01:08:24,655
and consent and the

1938
01:08:25,140 --> 01:08:27,719
nuances of living your power exchange.

1939
01:08:28,899 --> 01:08:31,460
But this is the the question that the

1940
01:08:31,460 --> 01:08:34,260
the newest kinksters tend to, like, have top

1941
01:08:34,260 --> 01:08:35,000
of mind.

1942
01:08:35,539 --> 01:08:37,060
Where do I find a dom? Where do

1943
01:08:37,060 --> 01:08:37,960
I find a dom?

1944
01:08:38,579 --> 01:08:39,524
So Yep.

1945
01:08:40,645 --> 01:08:42,185
Yeah. Okay. K.

1946
01:08:42,725 --> 01:08:44,925
Thanks once more to Fluor for sponsoring Yes.

1947
01:08:45,125 --> 01:08:47,844
This episode. If you are looking to meet

1948
01:08:47,844 --> 01:08:49,604
a partner, whether you're,

1949
01:08:50,085 --> 01:08:51,625
monogamous or non monogamous,

1950
01:08:52,085 --> 01:08:53,640
check them out. It's free to

1951
01:08:53,940 --> 01:08:54,260
download.

1952
01:08:55,220 --> 01:08:57,380
See if it's your vibe. Link is in

1953
01:08:57,380 --> 01:09:00,659
the places. Mhmm. Okay. K. So,

1954
01:09:02,020 --> 01:09:03,560
are we good? I don't know.

1955
01:09:22,430 --> 01:09:22,930
Tardy.

1956
01:09:23,390 --> 01:09:25,310
Yes? Can I talk to the king? Nope.

1957
01:09:25,310 --> 01:09:26,530
The crickets, please.

1958
01:09:28,430 --> 01:09:30,130
Yes. What the fuck you said?

1959
01:09:31,710 --> 01:09:34,944
Ow. It'll hurt your self. See, I dropped

1960
01:09:34,944 --> 01:09:36,944
my silverware and bumped my head. You laugh

1961
01:09:36,944 --> 01:09:38,085
and bump your head.

1962
01:09:38,465 --> 01:09:40,305
We're peas in a pod. That's what we

1963
01:09:40,305 --> 01:09:40,805
are.

1964
01:09:43,265 --> 01:09:45,345
So what was that about? What was what

1965
01:09:45,345 --> 01:09:46,484
about? The pause.

1966
01:09:47,689 --> 01:09:49,770
I just felt like You just felt like

1967
01:09:50,090 --> 01:09:53,210
Pausing. The anticipation? Yeah. Yeah. Because I wait

1968
01:09:53,210 --> 01:09:54,810
for you to start to inhale, and then

1969
01:09:54,810 --> 01:09:56,250
I inhale real quick, and then we spit

1970
01:09:56,250 --> 01:09:58,090
it out together. This was way easier when

1971
01:09:58,090 --> 01:09:58,909
we were sitting

1972
01:09:59,369 --> 01:10:00,975
in the closet together,

1973
01:10:01,675 --> 01:10:04,414
huddled around a singular little microphone,

1974
01:10:04,795 --> 01:10:06,234
and we we needed to get out of

1975
01:10:06,234 --> 01:10:08,234
that fucking closet. We were sweating our asses

1976
01:10:08,234 --> 01:10:10,475
off, and there was no hesitation. It was

1977
01:10:10,475 --> 01:10:13,055
just a quick inhale and keep it kinky.

1978
01:10:14,680 --> 01:10:15,979
But see, it's the

1979
01:10:16,680 --> 01:10:17,180
antici

1980
01:10:18,039 --> 01:10:20,279
I knew that was coming. Patient. Yes. I

1981
01:10:20,279 --> 01:10:21,180
knew that was coming.

1982
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:24,779
And in case you asked about the LB

1983
01:10:24,840 --> 01:10:25,340
anniversary,

1984
01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:27,704
that was actually mid August. And we missed

1985
01:10:27,704 --> 01:10:29,704
it. We we missed it ourselves. So

1986
01:10:33,625 --> 01:10:34,204
yeah. Yeah.

1987
01:10:37,145 --> 01:10:37,645
So

1988
01:10:37,945 --> 01:10:39,405
bonus section. Yeah.

1989
01:10:40,960 --> 01:10:42,720
We're not in the path of the storm.

1990
01:10:42,720 --> 01:10:43,539
No. But

1991
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:44,500
Florida,

1992
01:10:44,800 --> 01:10:45,699
as an entirety,

1993
01:10:46,720 --> 01:10:47,220
is

1994
01:10:47,680 --> 01:10:50,239
technically going to be affected and feel the

1995
01:10:50,239 --> 01:10:52,500
effects of land. This morning, I woke up

1996
01:10:52,800 --> 01:10:54,880
and I opened up my the radar app

1997
01:10:54,880 --> 01:10:55,699
that I use,

1998
01:10:56,095 --> 01:10:56,595
and

1999
01:10:57,854 --> 01:10:59,555
the storm was still

2000
01:11:00,574 --> 01:11:02,034
on the south tip of Cuba

2001
01:11:02,655 --> 01:11:04,194
and not quite in the Gulf.

2002
01:11:04,734 --> 01:11:06,095
It's in the Gulf now, but,

2003
01:11:06,574 --> 01:11:08,494
even at that point this morning at at

2004
01:11:08,494 --> 01:11:11,039
6 AM this morning, the entire state of

2005
01:11:11,039 --> 01:11:13,380
Florida was highlighted red.

2006
01:11:15,199 --> 01:11:18,239
So Yeah. And it's still early enough that

2007
01:11:18,239 --> 01:11:20,719
it could wobble and Yeah. Like, we think

2008
01:11:20,719 --> 01:11:22,800
it's going up to the Big Bend. Much

2009
01:11:22,800 --> 01:11:25,694
more Big Bend. Yeah. They They got left

2010
01:11:25,694 --> 01:11:27,854
alone for a for a while, and now

2011
01:11:27,854 --> 01:11:29,454
they're getting all of them. Yeah.

2012
01:11:29,935 --> 01:11:31,694
This will be the second time this year.

2013
01:11:31,694 --> 01:11:33,295
Mhmm. Yeah. If you look if you're like

2014
01:11:33,295 --> 01:11:34,814
the Big Bend, if you look at us

2015
01:11:34,974 --> 01:11:35,295
the,

2016
01:11:35,774 --> 01:11:37,554
a picture of the state of Florida,

2017
01:11:37,935 --> 01:11:40,274
there's the Panhandle and then there's Peninsula.

2018
01:11:40,619 --> 01:11:43,020
Okay? Right? As where those 2 kind of

2019
01:11:43,020 --> 01:11:45,739
intersect, there's this bendy part. It looks like

2020
01:11:45,739 --> 01:11:47,020
a little It's a curve. It's a curve.

2021
01:11:47,020 --> 01:11:48,939
There's several curves in Florida, but it's it's

2022
01:11:48,939 --> 01:11:50,939
a little that's Big Bend. And you'll see

2023
01:11:50,939 --> 01:11:51,979
it and you go, oh, yeah. I see

2024
01:11:51,979 --> 01:11:53,439
what they're trying out because it's where

2025
01:11:54,324 --> 01:11:55,784
that's where the state bends.

2026
01:11:56,805 --> 01:12:00,005
And there, it's typically kinda rural area. Yes.

2027
01:12:00,005 --> 01:12:01,845
It is. It's I mean, they've yeah. They

2028
01:12:01,845 --> 01:12:03,925
got beach and stuff, but they're it's not

2029
01:12:03,925 --> 01:12:06,645
like Panama City Beach is close to them,

2030
01:12:06,645 --> 01:12:07,864
but not right there.

2031
01:12:09,489 --> 01:12:10,310
But yeah.

2032
01:12:10,850 --> 01:12:12,149
Yep. Is

2033
01:12:12,689 --> 01:12:15,270
is Perry considered in the Big Bend area?

2034
01:12:16,050 --> 01:12:18,369
Kind of. Kind sort of adjacent to? Yeah.

2035
01:12:18,369 --> 01:12:18,869
Perry

2036
01:12:19,570 --> 01:12:21,250
is a place for us that we just

2037
01:12:21,250 --> 01:12:21,989
drive through.

2038
01:12:22,564 --> 01:12:24,404
As a kid, I noticed this I don't

2039
01:12:24,404 --> 01:12:26,164
notice this as an adult. Maybe my sense

2040
01:12:26,164 --> 01:12:28,484
of smell has, like, died or something has

2041
01:12:28,484 --> 01:12:31,465
changed in Perry. The chicken? The chicken smell.

2042
01:12:31,524 --> 01:12:32,024
Yep.

2043
01:12:33,284 --> 01:12:36,005
Yep. Oh, was it chicken farms or was

2044
01:12:36,005 --> 01:12:38,470
it chicken processing? I I am not sure.

2045
01:12:38,470 --> 01:12:40,710
I think it's farms. Okay. I think it's

2046
01:12:40,710 --> 01:12:41,430
farms. But,

2047
01:12:42,070 --> 01:12:42,810
but yeah.

2048
01:12:46,390 --> 01:12:48,869
Miss mister Spok said, seems like the storms

2049
01:12:48,869 --> 01:12:50,734
are targeting Tallahassee this year. I might be

2050
01:12:50,734 --> 01:12:52,354
down for that. I do feel

2051
01:12:52,975 --> 01:12:55,475
like if that's accurate, I mean It's apropos.

2052
01:12:55,694 --> 01:12:58,335
May maybe mother nature is has got some

2053
01:12:58,335 --> 01:13:00,975
strong opinions Right. About the governance of Florida.

2054
01:13:00,975 --> 01:13:01,875
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

2055
01:13:05,579 --> 01:13:06,079
Yeah.

2056
01:13:07,260 --> 01:13:09,180
So, yeah, we we've gotta go pick up

2057
01:13:09,180 --> 01:13:11,500
some stuff outside of our old house. Some

2058
01:13:11,500 --> 01:13:13,520
lawn. You don't want things to become missiles?

2059
01:13:13,659 --> 01:13:15,899
No. No. Kind of You're gonna pull the

2060
01:13:15,899 --> 01:13:17,899
cars around to our backyard. We everybody on

2061
01:13:17,899 --> 01:13:19,654
the street is, like, shocked by what we

2062
01:13:19,654 --> 01:13:21,095
do, but then when we explain, they're like,

2063
01:13:21,095 --> 01:13:22,694
oh, that makes total sense, but nobody else

2064
01:13:22,694 --> 01:13:25,015
does it. We have a giant tree. We

2065
01:13:25,015 --> 01:13:27,335
have several Yes. Giant trees in our front

2066
01:13:27,335 --> 01:13:29,335
yard. We have a giant one that's right

2067
01:13:29,335 --> 01:13:32,135
over the driveway where we park, which is

2068
01:13:32,135 --> 01:13:33,840
great in the summer, because it keeps your

2069
01:13:33,840 --> 01:13:35,840
car as cool as is humanly possible in

2070
01:13:35,840 --> 01:13:36,659
fucking summer.

2071
01:13:37,199 --> 01:13:38,100
But in storms,

2072
01:13:38,640 --> 01:13:40,000
we're like, we would like to still have

2073
01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:42,000
2 functioning cars at the end of the

2074
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:44,020
storm. You know, the the trees are

2075
01:13:44,320 --> 01:13:45,460
healthy. Mhmm.

2076
01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:47,619
They have been they are maintained.

2077
01:13:48,079 --> 01:13:48,404
Right.

2078
01:13:49,045 --> 01:13:51,524
But there is still always a branch or

2079
01:13:51,524 --> 01:13:52,564
2 that comes down.

2080
01:13:55,204 --> 01:13:57,045
So, you know, yeah, I I park the

2081
01:13:57,045 --> 01:13:58,024
cars in the backyard

2082
01:13:58,804 --> 01:13:59,204
and,

2083
01:14:00,564 --> 01:14:01,465
you know, I

2084
01:14:02,005 --> 01:14:03,784
see it too often around here that,

2085
01:14:04,100 --> 01:14:06,520
you know, there are a lot of big

2086
01:14:07,859 --> 01:14:10,100
trees in this area. Old old growth of

2087
01:14:10,100 --> 01:14:12,279
the county. You know, old old growth oaks.

2088
01:14:12,420 --> 01:14:15,140
Mhmm. And, the amount of people I see

2089
01:14:15,140 --> 01:14:17,460
leaving cars parked under these trees and then

2090
01:14:17,460 --> 01:14:18,840
drive by after a storm,

2091
01:14:19,215 --> 01:14:20,595
you know, and I know.

2092
01:14:21,055 --> 01:14:22,095
It it's like,

2093
01:14:22,895 --> 01:14:24,335
And and they have space they can move

2094
01:14:24,335 --> 01:14:26,015
their car to. Like, sometimes you don't have

2095
01:14:26,015 --> 01:14:27,695
a choice. Right. Wherever you park, you're under

2096
01:14:27,695 --> 01:14:29,695
a tree. But sometimes you do have a

2097
01:14:29,695 --> 01:14:30,755
choice. And

2098
01:14:31,454 --> 01:14:33,795
the the one that I remember always,

2099
01:14:34,500 --> 01:14:36,019
and I it was a bad storm. It

2100
01:14:36,019 --> 01:14:37,939
wasn't a hurricane or a tropical storm. That

2101
01:14:37,939 --> 01:14:39,380
was a it's a bad storm with a

2102
01:14:39,380 --> 01:14:40,899
lot of lightning. It's when we lived in

2103
01:14:40,899 --> 01:14:42,979
the rental, and we ended up driving through

2104
01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:44,920
the neighborhood right after a big storm.

2105
01:14:45,380 --> 01:14:47,460
And these these folks had a, like, a

2106
01:14:47,460 --> 01:14:49,139
circular driveway, and they had, like, 3 or

2107
01:14:49,139 --> 01:14:51,055
4 cars in their driveway. You know, they

2108
01:14:51,055 --> 01:14:53,475
had teenage drivers, blah blah blah, work truck.

2109
01:14:54,095 --> 01:14:56,335
And their big tree came down from was

2110
01:14:56,335 --> 01:14:57,935
it a lightning strike that did it, or

2111
01:14:57,935 --> 01:14:59,215
did it just blow over? It was a

2112
01:14:59,215 --> 01:15:01,215
lightning strike. Lightning strike. Fidel. And it took

2113
01:15:01,215 --> 01:15:03,614
out, like, 2 of their cars. Mhmm. And

2114
01:15:03,614 --> 01:15:05,770
insurance, I'm not sure how quickly or not

2115
01:15:05,770 --> 01:15:07,850
that was moving or the the ability to

2116
01:15:07,850 --> 01:15:08,909
remove things because

2117
01:15:09,289 --> 01:15:11,449
for a few days, every time you drove

2118
01:15:11,449 --> 01:15:13,050
by, all the other cars had been moved.

2119
01:15:13,050 --> 01:15:14,029
But here were these

2120
01:15:14,409 --> 01:15:17,369
crunched Yeah. Cars. Like, you can't remember what

2121
01:15:17,449 --> 01:15:18,189
for the insurance.

2122
01:15:18,564 --> 01:15:19,304
You know?

2123
01:15:19,604 --> 01:15:20,085
But,

2124
01:15:21,045 --> 01:15:23,764
mister Spak asked if the oldest is good

2125
01:15:23,764 --> 01:15:24,425
at school

2126
01:15:24,885 --> 01:15:26,984
or bringing him home, he he's

2127
01:15:27,844 --> 01:15:30,904
gonna stay at school. Mhmm. If

2128
01:15:32,409 --> 01:15:34,829
if he was in a more direct path,

2129
01:15:34,889 --> 01:15:38,029
I would strongly encourage him to come home.

2130
01:15:38,329 --> 01:15:39,609
It was more of a, do you wanna

2131
01:15:39,609 --> 01:15:41,609
hunker down there, or you wanna hunker down

2132
01:15:41,609 --> 01:15:43,369
here? He was and I know he look.

2133
01:15:43,369 --> 01:15:44,670
He's got his computer.

2134
01:15:45,675 --> 01:15:46,654
Yeah. He's got

2135
01:15:46,954 --> 01:15:48,814
his instruments. He's got

2136
01:15:49,594 --> 01:15:51,135
Yeah. He's got his space

2137
01:15:51,594 --> 01:15:53,135
and His Xbox?

2138
01:15:53,435 --> 01:15:54,654
Yeah. And there's no

2139
01:15:55,354 --> 01:15:56,574
material difference

2140
01:15:57,289 --> 01:15:57,789
geographically

2141
01:15:58,729 --> 01:16:00,970
between being here, being there. Yeah. And the

2142
01:16:00,970 --> 01:16:02,270
thing I was all like,

2143
01:16:02,729 --> 01:16:04,970
I was born and raised on these things,

2144
01:16:04,970 --> 01:16:07,210
and the consideration that I still struggle with

2145
01:16:07,369 --> 01:16:09,369
that's why this is JB's job because he's

2146
01:16:09,369 --> 01:16:11,034
the one in charge. When you know that

2147
01:16:11,034 --> 01:16:12,475
a big storm is coming at you is

2148
01:16:12,475 --> 01:16:14,255
do you stay or do you go? Because

2149
01:16:15,034 --> 01:16:16,574
the problem with going

2150
01:16:17,114 --> 01:16:19,994
is that your property, your home, your everything

2151
01:16:19,994 --> 01:16:21,515
might be fine, but you might not be

2152
01:16:21,515 --> 01:16:24,074
able to get back in. Yeah. And so

2153
01:16:24,074 --> 01:16:26,310
it's this, like, you gotta weigh it kinda

2154
01:16:26,310 --> 01:16:28,070
thing. When we left for what was her

2155
01:16:28,149 --> 01:16:30,250
that storm's name when we lived in Tarpon?

2156
01:16:30,390 --> 01:16:30,890
Iris?

2157
01:16:31,750 --> 01:16:32,949
Was it I thought it was an I

2158
01:16:32,949 --> 01:16:35,430
storm. It was an I. Irma? Irma? Irma.

2159
01:16:35,430 --> 01:16:35,930
Irma.

2160
01:16:36,550 --> 01:16:38,489
You know, we had a place to go

2161
01:16:38,710 --> 01:16:39,210
and

2162
01:16:39,954 --> 01:16:41,795
could it was the summer, so the kids

2163
01:16:41,795 --> 01:16:43,555
weren't even in school. We had the luxury

2164
01:16:43,555 --> 01:16:45,715
of just taking our damn time. So, you

2165
01:16:45,715 --> 01:16:48,135
know, if streets did get clogged up or

2166
01:16:48,275 --> 01:16:49,715
trees down and you couldn't get down the

2167
01:16:49,715 --> 01:16:50,914
highway, we didn't have to worry about it.

2168
01:16:50,914 --> 01:16:53,340
We could stay where we were Right. Long

2169
01:16:53,340 --> 01:16:55,500
enough that it was the biggest deal was

2170
01:16:55,500 --> 01:16:57,500
that we had to replace all our groceries.

2171
01:16:57,500 --> 01:16:59,100
And we were and we were lucky, you

2172
01:16:59,100 --> 01:17:00,380
know, in one way. Yeah. We had to

2173
01:17:00,380 --> 01:17:01,659
replace the groceries, but,

2174
01:17:02,539 --> 01:17:04,460
you know, we would have been without power

2175
01:17:04,460 --> 01:17:06,185
for a little over a week. Yeah. So

2176
01:17:06,185 --> 01:17:07,784
we we missed all of that. Mhmm.

2177
01:17:09,625 --> 01:17:10,125
If

2178
01:17:10,824 --> 01:17:12,105
but that was when I could stay with

2179
01:17:12,105 --> 01:17:14,345
my mom. That is not an option anymore.

2180
01:17:14,345 --> 01:17:16,265
And so it's you know? And the our

2181
01:17:16,265 --> 01:17:19,039
closest relative is in the same fucking county.

2182
01:17:19,420 --> 01:17:20,479
So Yeah.

2183
01:17:21,100 --> 01:17:22,939
You know, we don't have the same kinds

2184
01:17:22,939 --> 01:17:24,619
of options. If we left town and got

2185
01:17:24,619 --> 01:17:26,220
a hotel, then it's how long can you

2186
01:17:26,220 --> 01:17:28,699
afford to stay here, and can you even

2187
01:17:28,699 --> 01:17:31,100
get back home? So it that's always been

2188
01:17:31,100 --> 01:17:33,100
a tricky one to me about trying to

2189
01:17:33,100 --> 01:17:34,034
decide. Yeah.

2190
01:17:34,675 --> 01:17:35,735
So Yep.

2191
01:17:36,275 --> 01:17:38,835
You know, I do personally have my own

2192
01:17:38,835 --> 01:17:40,595
and you do too. And, again, you're the

2193
01:17:40,595 --> 01:17:42,515
one in charge. So if JB goes, we're

2194
01:17:42,515 --> 01:17:43,735
going, I go, okay.

2195
01:17:44,354 --> 01:17:46,275
Unless I have strong feelings otherwise, and then

2196
01:17:46,275 --> 01:17:47,635
I argue my point, and then he goes,

2197
01:17:47,635 --> 01:17:48,810
we're going. And I go, okay.

2198
01:17:50,810 --> 01:17:53,289
My personal threshold has always been a 4

2199
01:17:53,289 --> 01:17:53,949
or 5.

2200
01:17:54,569 --> 01:17:55,069
Mhmm.

2201
01:17:55,369 --> 01:17:58,649
I think these days, because climate change is

2202
01:17:58,649 --> 01:18:01,369
kicking all our asses, a cat 3 would

2203
01:18:01,369 --> 01:18:01,869
probably

2204
01:18:02,250 --> 01:18:04,090
Be the would I would be I would

2205
01:18:04,090 --> 01:18:05,935
be thinking really hard about it. It'd be

2206
01:18:05,935 --> 01:18:07,074
that weighing of

2207
01:18:08,015 --> 01:18:09,795
where are you located? Should I shoot you?

2208
01:18:10,375 --> 01:18:11,395
And where can you go?

2209
01:18:11,935 --> 01:18:13,534
And how quickly can you get out? This

2210
01:18:13,534 --> 01:18:14,515
storm, I know,

2211
01:18:15,295 --> 01:18:16,274
dude on Instagram,

2212
01:18:16,574 --> 01:18:18,720
weather weather mic or whatever he's called,

2213
01:18:19,199 --> 01:18:20,960
he said in a reel that I saw

2214
01:18:20,960 --> 01:18:22,400
that he's been watching this thing for a

2215
01:18:22,400 --> 01:18:24,079
few days, and he probably has. He's a

2216
01:18:24,079 --> 01:18:26,560
weather guy. I think in another life, JB

2217
01:18:26,560 --> 01:18:28,320
would be a weather guy on Instagram as

2218
01:18:28,320 --> 01:18:28,800
well,

2219
01:18:29,440 --> 01:18:31,380
because he just likes it so much.

2220
01:18:31,854 --> 01:18:34,335
But from from my perspective, this one feels

2221
01:18:34,335 --> 01:18:36,255
like it came up really fast. Yes. And

2222
01:18:36,255 --> 01:18:38,755
there also comes a point when you're evacuating

2223
01:18:39,454 --> 01:18:41,534
that there's, like, this window, and if you

2224
01:18:41,534 --> 01:18:43,555
wait too long, you're just sitting

2225
01:18:43,980 --> 01:18:46,000
on the interstate or the highway

2226
01:18:46,460 --> 01:18:49,360
as the storm comes because if traffic gets

2227
01:18:49,820 --> 01:18:52,140
backed up depending on how that evacuation goes.

2228
01:18:52,140 --> 01:18:54,140
So that ends up being another layer of

2229
01:18:54,380 --> 01:18:56,380
Right. Do not only do we go, but

2230
01:18:56,380 --> 01:18:58,159
when the fuck do we go? Mhmm.

2231
01:18:59,064 --> 01:19:01,064
I you know, it it there's there's a

2232
01:19:01,064 --> 01:19:01,704
lot to,

2233
01:19:02,984 --> 01:19:03,484
consider.

2234
01:19:03,784 --> 01:19:04,284
Mhmm.

2235
01:19:04,744 --> 01:19:06,604
You know, even even prior

2236
01:19:07,064 --> 01:19:09,484
meeting Kayla, the house that I had,

2237
01:19:09,864 --> 01:19:11,939
was a solid brick house. Mhmm.

2238
01:19:12,500 --> 01:19:14,600
I felt very comfortable there.

2239
01:19:17,859 --> 01:19:18,359
When

2240
01:19:18,819 --> 01:19:20,199
we were in the condo,

2241
01:19:20,579 --> 01:19:24,260
that was, stick construction Mhmm. Which was why

2242
01:19:24,260 --> 01:19:27,060
when Irma was coming up the coast, it

2243
01:19:27,060 --> 01:19:29,135
was like, nope. We are not staying here.

2244
01:19:29,914 --> 01:19:31,835
Yep. Yeah. I'm just grateful we had a

2245
01:19:31,835 --> 01:19:33,215
place we could go. Yeah.

2246
01:19:33,595 --> 01:19:33,755
And,

2247
01:19:35,114 --> 01:19:38,494
you know, even even here, don't feel that,

2248
01:19:40,969 --> 01:19:41,949
you know, unease,

2249
01:19:42,649 --> 01:19:44,489
because, again, this is a a a brick

2250
01:19:44,489 --> 01:19:45,630
construction house,

2251
01:19:46,409 --> 01:19:47,469
you know, and,

2252
01:19:49,050 --> 01:19:50,029
yeah, you know.

2253
01:19:50,569 --> 01:19:52,345
Yeah. I mean, if we lived closer, if

2254
01:19:52,345 --> 01:19:54,185
we were still in in Tarpon Mobile, we

2255
01:19:54,185 --> 01:19:55,305
would probably still be in the condo if

2256
01:19:55,305 --> 01:19:56,664
we were still in Tarpon Springs. Yeah. And,

2257
01:19:56,664 --> 01:19:59,225
yeah, we are making way different decisions Right.

2258
01:19:59,385 --> 01:20:01,225
Than we have to make now. Mhmm. But

2259
01:20:01,225 --> 01:20:02,444
that was part of the

2260
01:20:02,905 --> 01:20:04,500
the the real draw to moving here was

2261
01:20:04,739 --> 01:20:05,399
the affordability.

2262
01:20:05,859 --> 01:20:08,659
Yeah. But one of the considerations was also,

2263
01:20:08,659 --> 01:20:10,579
oh, being in the center of the state,

2264
01:20:10,579 --> 01:20:12,579
you have a little bit of a buffer

2265
01:20:12,579 --> 01:20:13,399
from storms.

2266
01:20:14,100 --> 01:20:16,039
It's an imperfect buffer because

2267
01:20:16,675 --> 01:20:18,755
the storm is not that little dot you're

2268
01:20:18,755 --> 01:20:20,774
following on the weather channel. Okay?

2269
01:20:21,074 --> 01:20:24,375
It's all the bands Right. That are also

2270
01:20:24,435 --> 01:20:27,314
rotating, y'all. The storm is twisting as it's

2271
01:20:27,314 --> 01:20:29,574
moving forward. I can barely,

2272
01:20:31,150 --> 01:20:33,230
pat my head and rub my stomach, but

2273
01:20:33,230 --> 01:20:34,130
these stars

2274
01:20:34,590 --> 01:20:36,449
can move forward and and twist.

2275
01:20:38,350 --> 01:20:39,409
And, yeah, it's

2276
01:20:40,590 --> 01:20:42,909
this one, I thought I heard online. The

2277
01:20:42,909 --> 01:20:44,909
actual not the strength of it, but the

2278
01:20:44,909 --> 01:20:48,335
physical size of her Helene is,

2279
01:20:48,795 --> 01:20:51,534
I think, one of the top, like, biggest

2280
01:20:51,675 --> 01:20:54,715
physical storms, the space it's covering, the the

2281
01:20:54,715 --> 01:20:57,274
area it's covering. I I cannot remember the

2282
01:20:57,274 --> 01:20:58,255
name of the storm,

2283
01:20:59,610 --> 01:21:02,250
but there was at one time, number of

2284
01:21:02,250 --> 01:21:02,989
years back,

2285
01:21:03,610 --> 01:21:05,789
if if somebody remember that, you know,

2286
01:21:06,329 --> 01:21:06,829
please,

2287
01:21:07,449 --> 01:21:08,270
let me know.

2288
01:21:08,810 --> 01:21:11,149
But the storm was so big,

2289
01:21:12,465 --> 01:21:14,324
it covered the entire state.

2290
01:21:15,505 --> 01:21:17,265
I think I remember that one, but I

2291
01:21:17,265 --> 01:21:20,465
don't remember the name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The

2292
01:21:20,465 --> 01:21:22,545
the the for for a time, I think

2293
01:21:22,545 --> 01:21:25,604
for a day, the entire state was was

2294
01:21:25,664 --> 01:21:26,164
under

2295
01:21:27,719 --> 01:21:30,760
under the storm. Mhmm. You know? And when

2296
01:21:30,760 --> 01:21:32,679
I I woke up and I saw Helene

2297
01:21:32,679 --> 01:21:34,920
this morning, I was like, oh, that's pretty

2298
01:21:34,920 --> 01:21:36,460
darn close. Yeah.

2299
01:21:37,800 --> 01:21:38,789
So yeah.

2300
01:21:40,225 --> 01:21:42,465
That's a September hurricane. So

2301
01:21:43,024 --> 01:21:44,625
Yeah. We we all do what we we

2302
01:21:44,625 --> 01:21:46,085
do what we can. Mhmm.

2303
01:21:46,545 --> 01:21:49,045
You know, fur babies are doing good. Yeah.

2304
01:21:49,425 --> 01:21:51,024
They don't tend to get too freaked out

2305
01:21:51,024 --> 01:21:53,505
by storms. No. Lola will sometimes just get

2306
01:21:53,505 --> 01:21:55,520
a little closer to one of us, I

2307
01:21:55,520 --> 01:21:56,420
guess, for comfort.

2308
01:21:57,119 --> 01:21:59,280
But thankfully, she's not the type to get,

2309
01:21:59,280 --> 01:22:02,400
like, scared with lightning or thunder. No. No.

2310
01:22:02,400 --> 01:22:03,780
No. She's not, thankfully.

2311
01:22:04,400 --> 01:22:05,699
The worst worst problem

2312
01:22:06,239 --> 01:22:06,739
with,

2313
01:22:07,935 --> 01:22:09,694
Lola is gonna be getting her out to

2314
01:22:09,694 --> 01:22:10,594
use the bathroom

2315
01:22:10,895 --> 01:22:12,734
in the rain. Well, this is a girl

2316
01:22:12,734 --> 01:22:14,654
that eventually even she will go out in

2317
01:22:14,654 --> 01:22:16,034
the rain. Yeah.

2318
01:22:16,414 --> 01:22:18,094
Yep. She'll bite the bullet if it gets

2319
01:22:18,094 --> 01:22:20,734
bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if you put

2320
01:22:20,734 --> 01:22:22,800
her, put her harness on her and put

2321
01:22:22,800 --> 01:22:23,840
her on a leash, you can walk her

2322
01:22:23,840 --> 01:22:24,579
in the rain.

2323
01:22:25,359 --> 01:22:27,139
It's not not always in

2324
01:22:28,399 --> 01:22:30,000
it's imperfect, but you can at least get

2325
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:31,380
her out there to a Patrick's.

2326
01:22:32,159 --> 01:22:32,659
Yeah.

2327
01:22:33,279 --> 01:22:34,340
Yeah. Through.

2328
01:22:34,715 --> 01:22:37,034
If Onyx gets nervous, she's just gonna go

2329
01:22:37,034 --> 01:22:38,414
get into our closet.

2330
01:22:39,675 --> 01:22:41,755
In the back. Deepest, darkest corner of the

2331
01:22:41,755 --> 01:22:44,734
closet. Oh my gosh. And Witch is actually

2332
01:22:45,274 --> 01:22:47,114
one of the safest spaces we could be

2333
01:22:47,114 --> 01:22:49,354
in if, like, a like, something bad storm

2334
01:22:49,354 --> 01:22:52,610
wise was coming because it's it's central. There's

2335
01:22:52,610 --> 01:22:53,350
no windows.

2336
01:22:53,890 --> 01:22:54,390
Anyway,

2337
01:22:55,409 --> 01:22:57,189
this morning, I didn't tell you.

2338
01:22:57,890 --> 01:22:58,390
So

2339
01:22:58,930 --> 01:23:00,550
for Onyx, our bedroom

2340
01:23:01,010 --> 01:23:03,090
is her space. Because when we first got

2341
01:23:03,090 --> 01:23:04,944
her, we kept her in there until she

2342
01:23:04,944 --> 01:23:06,704
could kinda get comfortable and Acklemon. Yeah. And

2343
01:23:06,704 --> 01:23:08,225
so it's always to her just been her

2344
01:23:08,225 --> 01:23:10,625
space. Over the past couple years, she's sort

2345
01:23:10,625 --> 01:23:11,444
of begrudgingly

2346
01:23:11,904 --> 01:23:14,545
gotten kind of okay with Ella being in

2347
01:23:14,545 --> 01:23:15,204
the room

2348
01:23:15,744 --> 01:23:18,159
while she's in the room. It started off

2349
01:23:18,159 --> 01:23:19,599
that Ella could be on the floor, she

2350
01:23:19,599 --> 01:23:20,819
could not be on the bed.

2351
01:23:21,359 --> 01:23:23,760
She could go into our bathroom because we

2352
01:23:23,760 --> 01:23:25,679
had a a litter box there. We currently

2353
01:23:25,679 --> 01:23:27,119
do not, and we think we kind of

2354
01:23:27,119 --> 01:23:27,779
like that.

2355
01:23:29,039 --> 01:23:30,800
You know, and it's it's been this gradual,

2356
01:23:30,800 --> 01:23:32,725
like, whatever. But there's one spot in the

2357
01:23:32,725 --> 01:23:35,125
bedroom Ella is still not allowed. Oh, and

2358
01:23:35,125 --> 01:23:36,324
I'm wondering if it's the same spot I

2359
01:23:36,324 --> 01:23:38,265
saw today. What are you gonna say? Closet.

2360
01:23:38,404 --> 01:23:40,024
Yes. Because this morning,

2361
01:23:40,404 --> 01:23:42,404
Ella comes in. She's all over the place.

2362
01:23:42,404 --> 01:23:45,110
She's doing her thing. She goes she barely

2363
01:23:45,250 --> 01:23:46,390
walks into the closet.

2364
01:23:46,930 --> 01:23:50,070
Onyx, like, a streak of black lightning, boom,

2365
01:23:50,610 --> 01:23:52,770
heads her off and bap, bap, baps her

2366
01:23:52,770 --> 01:23:54,530
away until Ella gets her little ass out

2367
01:23:54,530 --> 01:23:55,750
of the closet. Yep.

2368
01:23:56,130 --> 01:23:58,604
Yep. Damn. I mean, yeah. Damn. She she

2369
01:23:58,604 --> 01:24:00,625
can she can go come into the bedroom.

2370
01:24:01,644 --> 01:24:03,244
She's allowed on the bed now. She can

2371
01:24:03,244 --> 01:24:04,625
get go into our bathroom.

2372
01:24:05,085 --> 01:24:07,484
But hot damn, he is not allowed in

2373
01:24:07,484 --> 01:24:09,965
that closet. Mhmm. That closet is her damn

2374
01:24:09,965 --> 01:24:10,465
space.

2375
01:24:11,164 --> 01:24:11,664
Yep.

2376
01:24:13,469 --> 01:24:13,969
Yep.

2377
01:24:15,710 --> 01:24:16,210
So

2378
01:24:16,590 --> 01:24:19,229
there's a conversation going on in the live

2379
01:24:19,229 --> 01:24:21,229
chat that I just I just wanna add

2380
01:24:21,229 --> 01:24:23,550
my 2¢ to. So there's conversation about cars

2381
01:24:23,550 --> 01:24:25,550
and makes of cars and blah blah blah

2382
01:24:25,550 --> 01:24:28,449
blah. And and folks were talking about Toyota.

2383
01:24:29,045 --> 01:24:31,685
We both have Toyotas both paid for. We're

2384
01:24:31,685 --> 01:24:33,045
not getting a new car right now. We

2385
01:24:33,045 --> 01:24:34,645
don't want a car note. We like having

2386
01:24:34,645 --> 01:24:36,804
paid for vehicles. Both are Toyotas. Both are

2387
01:24:36,804 --> 01:24:37,625
kinda old.

2388
01:24:38,484 --> 01:24:40,804
Why? For anybody who's like, is Toyota worth

2389
01:24:40,804 --> 01:24:42,404
the money? Because they are more expensive. And

2390
01:24:42,404 --> 01:24:43,899
I that's another reason we're not getting a

2391
01:24:43,899 --> 01:24:45,340
new car anytime soon. I know I want

2392
01:24:45,340 --> 01:24:46,000
a Toyota.

2393
01:24:46,460 --> 01:24:48,380
I don't wanna pay the those prices right

2394
01:24:48,380 --> 01:24:48,880
now.

2395
01:24:49,579 --> 01:24:51,840
My car is a 2012, has a 104,000

2396
01:24:52,220 --> 01:24:54,539
miles on it. Mhmm. Partly because I barely

2397
01:24:54,539 --> 01:24:55,899
have been driving it for the past few

2398
01:24:55,899 --> 01:24:58,154
years. JB's is a 2009

2399
01:24:58,694 --> 01:25:00,234
RAV 4. I have a Corolla.

2400
01:25:00,534 --> 01:25:02,074
JB's is a RAV 4.

2401
01:25:02,854 --> 01:25:05,654
2009, it has a 100 and what,000? A

2402
01:25:05,654 --> 01:25:06,154
176,000.

2403
01:25:07,494 --> 01:25:09,530
And we knock on wood,

2404
01:25:10,630 --> 01:25:13,109
as long as we maintain it, it it's

2405
01:25:13,109 --> 01:25:14,949
it's okay. I don't wanna say anything too

2406
01:25:14,949 --> 01:25:16,310
glowing about it because that's the moment your

2407
01:25:16,310 --> 01:25:17,689
car doesn't start in the morning.

2408
01:25:20,885 --> 01:25:23,604
Yeah. Yeah. That'll do it. So I'm not

2409
01:25:23,604 --> 01:25:25,945
giving it too much praise. I'm just saying

2410
01:25:26,164 --> 01:25:28,085
whenever the day comes again

2411
01:25:28,885 --> 01:25:30,905
Mhmm. Mhmm. It will be a Toyota.

2412
01:25:31,685 --> 01:25:31,765
So

2413
01:25:32,965 --> 01:25:34,114
but yeah.

2414
01:25:38,989 --> 01:25:41,069
Okay. I missed that. Tayshia said if it

2415
01:25:41,069 --> 01:25:42,909
gets too crazy, we can call an emergency

2416
01:25:42,909 --> 01:25:44,849
virtual munch and hang out with them.

2417
01:25:45,149 --> 01:25:46,750
You know, there's a part of me that

2418
01:25:46,750 --> 01:25:48,270
wants to just, like, hunker down on the

2419
01:25:48,270 --> 01:25:50,304
couch tonight, but it's it's a thought if

2420
01:25:50,304 --> 01:25:52,324
we have lights and Internet. Right.

2421
01:25:55,585 --> 01:25:58,944
So, yeah, that's us. Mhmm. This is weird.

2422
01:25:58,944 --> 01:26:00,864
For podcast listeners, it don't matter to you.

2423
01:26:00,864 --> 01:26:03,539
You're listening to it whenever. Yeah. But for

2424
01:26:03,539 --> 01:26:05,699
recording, we're not recording in the evening like

2425
01:26:05,699 --> 01:26:06,739
we usually do. We're recording in the Or

2426
01:26:06,739 --> 01:26:08,020
in the middle of the day. Right. It's

2427
01:26:08,020 --> 01:26:09,380
like mid afternoon. Yeah.

2428
01:26:10,899 --> 01:26:11,640
And it

2429
01:26:12,020 --> 01:26:13,479
feels strange. It does.

2430
01:26:13,780 --> 01:26:15,625
It does. It feels strange.

2431
01:26:16,725 --> 01:26:19,604
And now we should probably stop, pause, take

2432
01:26:19,604 --> 01:26:20,965
a 5 minute break because then we have

2433
01:26:20,965 --> 01:26:22,645
to a video to record and a podcast

2434
01:26:22,645 --> 01:26:24,805
episode to record. Yep. So we should probably

2435
01:26:24,805 --> 01:26:27,364
go do that. Yep. And a storm to

2436
01:26:27,364 --> 01:26:29,284
prepare for. Also that we have to take

2437
01:26:29,284 --> 01:26:30,185
out the projectile.

2438
01:26:31,020 --> 01:26:31,520
Yeah.

2439
01:26:32,059 --> 01:26:34,479
Objects and and projectile missiles.

2440
01:26:35,020 --> 01:26:36,460
What's the word? What's the phrase I'm looking

2441
01:26:36,460 --> 01:26:37,819
for? There's a phrase I'm looking for. Those

2442
01:26:37,819 --> 01:26:38,699
things, we gotta get them out of the

2443
01:26:38,699 --> 01:26:40,719
fucking yard before they hit somebody. Yeah.

2444
01:26:41,659 --> 01:26:43,260
Where they're wimps. Before they can do before

2445
01:26:43,260 --> 01:26:45,305
they can do some damage. Right there. Okay.

2446
01:26:45,305 --> 01:26:47,784
Okay. So we're gonna go. Yep. Thanks for

2447
01:26:47,784 --> 01:26:49,465
being here with us, especially to the bitter

2448
01:26:49,465 --> 01:26:50,265
end. Yep.

2449
01:26:50,744 --> 01:26:52,905
If you are like us and in the

2450
01:26:52,905 --> 01:26:55,145
potential kind of or direct path of the

2451
01:26:55,145 --> 01:26:57,164
storm, please be safe. Take care of yourself.

2452
01:26:57,225 --> 01:26:59,569
Please do. Don't stand under a tree in

2453
01:26:59,569 --> 01:27:00,869
a lightning storm. Nope.

2454
01:27:02,130 --> 01:27:05,969
Okay. We're gonna go. Mhmm. Okay. Alright. Bye.

2455
01:27:05,969 --> 01:27:06,469
Bye.