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You're listening to loving BDSM podcast, episode 4

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12. Kayla Lourdes here with the one, the

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only, the if you could have seen what

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he was doing right before he hit record,

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I would not have the reputation as the

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silly one around here, John Brownstone.

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Were you trying to blow vape rings, like

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smoke rings? Is that what was happening? Or

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was it just a stem that felt good

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and you were like, I kinda like making

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this noise and doing this thing?

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Inquiring minds want to know. But that's not

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why we're here today. But inquiring minds want

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to know.

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Or are you just gonna edge our audience?

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Is that what's happening? Gonna have to leave

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them wondering.

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And wanting more,

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like the sadist you are. Uh-huh. We're still

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not even talking about that either, y'all. This

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week, we're continuing our back to basics series

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by talking about some things to watch out

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for in a new power exchange relationship,

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which also still come up in existing long

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term power exchange relationships because you kinda never

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get away from some of this stuff. Welcome

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to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is

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your first time listening, glad to have you.

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If you're back for another week, welcome back.

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Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for

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your kinky pleasure in education and show notes

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are found at lovingbdsm.net.

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Come back often and feel free to add

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the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

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can also follow the show on FetLife at

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loving BDSM PC

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on Instagram and technically threads at that handle

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I will forever fucking hate

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with the passion of a 1,000

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suns. Oh my god.

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I hate it. It's loving d s and

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the number one

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at loving d s one or on YouTube

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at youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live from

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the podcast every Wednesday. Did those words come

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out in the correct order? I don't know.

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All links are in the show notes.

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A big thanks as always to our kinky

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patrons over on Patreon, including our newest peeps.

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We are able to be weirdos on the

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Internet with microphones

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because of our Patreon community. Mhmm. And we

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are grateful for

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every fucking one of you over there. Oh

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my god. You have no idea.

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If you would like to be part of

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our kinky community,

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and get access to extra content and a

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Discord server that you can't get access to

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any other way, you can do that. Just

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join us at patreon.com/

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kayla lords. It's patreon.com/

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kayla lords, or the link is in the

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show notes. Stone Cold Sober. And now the

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podcast audience is like, what the hell's going

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on over there? Right.

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And they know they know nothing. Yeah. Well,

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even if you're strictly a podcast listener,

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the first, like, 7 or 8 minutes of

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any livestream,

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it's

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Chaos. It's something.

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And I'm having to reassure

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both

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everybody and myself that, no. Really, I'm sober.

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Okay. So,

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it's just a reminder since this is part

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of our back to basics series that if

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you are either new in power exchange or

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just wanna, like, work on some stuff in

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your power exchange, we do have workbooks on

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our Etsy shop.

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30 days of DS is for absolute beginners,

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whether you're brand new to kink or it's

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a brand new Power Exchange relationship and you

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wanna, like, get yourself sorted on what you

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think about different

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kink concepts

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exchange. Then there's 30 Days of DS Volume

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2 that is designed for people with kink

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experience

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and more

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than not than if you are in an

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established power change. Like, you can do it

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if you're single. There's nothing wrong with that.

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But it is meant to be

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a how will we in this power exchange

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deal with these issues and think of these

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concepts.

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So just a reminder

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that that is a thing that you can

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do if you are, you know, listening or

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watching

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the,

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the series and, like, oh, yeah. There's still

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some stuff I gotta learn. Okay?

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But as always, and this is especially true

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in this week's episode, but it's been true

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in all the episodes of this series,

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there's a ton of links to blog posts

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we've written, podcast episodes,

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videos if you're on YouTube,

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where you can, without having to pay anything,

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go figure out learn what we've said in

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the past about these subjects on a deeper

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level. So

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what are words I don't know? It's gonna

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be a rough one. I apologize now.

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Second announcement.

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The day this podcast episode comes out for

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podcast listeners, But Friday, September 20th, I can't

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believe I remember those dates. There's a reason

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I remember them, but I still can't believe

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I remember them.

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9:30 PM EST is our Friday night livestream,

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our virtual munch, our BDSM q and a.

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It's where we get random and chaotic kind

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of on purpose. And it's not on purpose

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like we have to try. It's more like

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we apologize less for it,

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and we don't worry about controlling the chaos

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so much.

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The chaos is the point.

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It's on YouTube.

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The link will be in the show notes

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for the podcast episode. It'll, you know, get

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scheduled for,

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YouTube folks. Hopefully, notifications actually work and let

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you know. I put it in our weekly

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newsletter. Like, I try to make it

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so easy to come join us on our

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Friday night livestreams.

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So 9:30 PM EST, usually lasts until around

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midnight.

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Only time we've never not lasted till midnight

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was if one of us was not feeling

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well. So True. True. True. So knock on

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wood that that is not an issue. Okay.

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All of that all of that

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chaotic

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gunk,

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now we can do the topic. So

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we broke up this discussion, things to watch

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out for when you're

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in a new power change or new to

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power exchange

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into 4 sections.

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And I've said it a couple of times.

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I wanna say it one more time. Caveat.

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This is not just for new folks. It's

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it will and can and will happen in

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an established power exchange. But typically with an

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an established power exchange, you you've been through

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it at least once before, so it's not

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usually a surprise.

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It can be, but not usually.

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So hopefully this is a good reminder for

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folks who've been doing this a while, but

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if you're kinda new and you're still figuring

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this stuff out,

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let let this let us be the ones

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to go. No. No. No. If you end

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up going through this, that's totally normal. You

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didn't do anything wrong. This is how this

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goes.

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As with all of these episodes, we're kind

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of giving higher overviews because we have talked

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about

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all of these topics

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in great detail

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over the past 4 previous 411

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episodes,

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the minisodes, and our block. Okay?

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So for each of these, there are tons

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of links in the places if you wanna

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do a deeper dive and get more of

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our thoughts on it. Or if you're like,

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I don't even know what that concept

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really means. We've we've got you. Okay? The

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4 we're gonna talk about and are these

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the only things? Probably not. They're the 4

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we're gonna talk about today.

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Frenzy,

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drop, assumptions,

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and triggers, which, like, the actual mental health

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term triggers, but also the less

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traumatic version that we call bad tapes.

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And if you're

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vaguely new here, you've probably heard us refer

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to bad tapes multiple times because it's an

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expression we use all the time. And then

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you're you're always been like, what the hell

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is a bad tape? Just so you know,

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the bad tape episode was episode a

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101. Wow. So it's it's not in anybody's

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feed anymore. You can't get it anywhere but

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our website.

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So Wow. It's worth a conversation. Mhmm.

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But all the links to all the times

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and places we've talked about these topics,

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you can find them if you wanna do

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a deeper dive. So let's start with frenzy.

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And I purposefully

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did not just call this sub frenzy. Mhmm.

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Because It didn't go either way. Right. And

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it was

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less than a year ago, I think, maybe

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a little bit longer. Somebody

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emailed in or was chatting with us or

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something, and they were like,

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I really think I went into dom frenzy,

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but I've never actually heard that term. And

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the moment they were describing what they were

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going through and the moment they used the

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term, I went, of course, that's a thing

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that we've you know, probably doesn't get clocked,

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might not get called that, can certainly manifest

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in multiple ways. So we're not subfrenzy is

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what most people would be used to hearing

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about and experiencing, but just frenzy, that sort

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of excitement

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over getting to do the thing, the kink

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thing, the power exchange thing. And the excitement

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hits such a peak that people will make

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not great decisions. They'll be impulsive. They will

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not listen to their own instincts. They will,

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you know, explain away

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to themselves, you know, why this person is

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actually a shitty human being,

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in the name of getting to finally do

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the kink thing.

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And I think most people with frenzy are

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probably gonna go through it before they negotiate

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the power exchange,

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but I absolutely think that it you can

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experience frenzy

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more than once as a kinkster because there's

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different things that can get you excited. There's

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Sure. The brand new person's

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frenzy of, oh my god. I discovered this

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thing and I get to do it. True.

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True. Oh my god. Kit in a candy

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store. And I I would imagine too, and

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another case of that,

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would be, you know, someone who's on one

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side of the slash and then maybe decide,

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you know, their switch, and they're looking at

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a whole different thing,

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and they're just

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Woo hoo. Exactly. Or

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you go from being a just you're a

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kinkster who's out there exploring your kinks, maybe

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you're doing some casual play, maybe you're just

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having some experiences.

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That's one kind of frenzy you might go

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through. And then you actually get in the

268
00:09:42,804 --> 00:09:44,105
power exchange relationship,

269
00:09:44,964 --> 00:09:46,565
and that could be another kind of frenzy

270
00:09:46,565 --> 00:09:48,504
you experience. Now I would imagine

271
00:09:48,804 --> 00:09:50,105
for many people

272
00:09:50,725 --> 00:09:52,584
who might experience multiple frenzies,

273
00:09:53,044 --> 00:09:53,544
you

274
00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:55,639
probably recognize it faster,

275
00:09:56,580 --> 00:09:57,960
subsequent times it occurs,

276
00:09:58,580 --> 00:10:01,620
and can maybe manage it better, but not

277
00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:02,419
necessarily. Right?

278
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:06,075
I don't know that we were

279
00:10:06,794 --> 00:10:08,794
I would have liked to have gone through

280
00:10:08,794 --> 00:10:11,035
a second frenzy when we went from being

281
00:10:11,035 --> 00:10:11,855
long distance

282
00:10:12,715 --> 00:10:13,215
to,

283
00:10:13,674 --> 00:10:15,835
in person. But the day we moved in,

284
00:10:15,835 --> 00:10:18,554
we had a stressful thing happen. Our AC

285
00:10:18,554 --> 00:10:21,649
died because that's our relationship. From place to

286
00:10:21,649 --> 00:10:23,730
place we've ever lived, we're plagued with AC

287
00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:24,230
problems.

288
00:10:25,169 --> 00:10:27,190
We love living in Florida. It's great.

289
00:10:27,809 --> 00:10:28,309
Yeah.

290
00:10:29,089 --> 00:10:29,589
But,

291
00:10:30,929 --> 00:10:33,089
like, a a lot of the excitement of

292
00:10:33,089 --> 00:10:34,850
what we were gonna be doing kind of

293
00:10:34,850 --> 00:10:37,195
got sucked out of us with the heat.

294
00:10:37,195 --> 00:10:37,855
You know?

295
00:10:39,355 --> 00:10:41,355
Mhmm. Yeah. And then we got stressed about

296
00:10:41,355 --> 00:10:43,514
our own power exchange, and so we actually

297
00:10:43,514 --> 00:10:46,735
didn't get that second wind frenzy of excitement.

298
00:10:48,075 --> 00:10:49,294
But I, you know,

299
00:10:50,634 --> 00:10:52,200
I think it'll be more common for people

300
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,440
to experience frenzy with a new partner. You've

301
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,440
kinda gotten to know one another. You know,

302
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,559
you're negotiating this tentatively, and one or both

303
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,659
of you is so excited

304
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,620
that maybe you're not making the best decisions

305
00:11:04,835 --> 00:11:06,054
that you could be making.

306
00:11:06,514 --> 00:11:08,375
It's usually a lack of self preservation

307
00:11:08,914 --> 00:11:09,894
more than anything.

308
00:11:10,674 --> 00:11:13,394
It's not necessarily that the person is doing

309
00:11:13,394 --> 00:11:15,634
toxic things together. That's not frenzy. That's just,

310
00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:17,429
you know, some toxic abusive bullshit.

311
00:11:19,350 --> 00:11:20,169
Let's not

312
00:11:20,629 --> 00:11:22,789
give that a nice little name. That is

313
00:11:22,789 --> 00:11:24,950
just bad shit. Yeah. It tends to be

314
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:26,250
a sense of self preservation.

315
00:11:26,789 --> 00:11:29,190
They don't wanna use their safe word, not

316
00:11:29,190 --> 00:11:31,429
out of disappointment, but because they don't want

317
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,514
the scene to be done. They don't wanna

318
00:11:33,514 --> 00:11:34,654
give up this opportunity.

319
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:37,754
And not using your safe word because of

320
00:11:37,754 --> 00:11:39,434
that does not mean you're automatically in frenzy.

321
00:11:39,434 --> 00:11:42,074
It is like it's several things altogether, but

322
00:11:42,074 --> 00:11:43,834
that can be a sign. They don't wanna

323
00:11:43,834 --> 00:11:45,774
stop the scene even though they're, like,

324
00:11:46,450 --> 00:11:48,710
bleeding out on a table somewhere nonconsensually

325
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:49,590
because

326
00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:51,649
this is my chance to do this. Right?

327
00:11:51,649 --> 00:11:53,830
That sense of self preservation. They overlook,

328
00:11:54,929 --> 00:11:55,509
you know,

329
00:11:55,970 --> 00:11:58,450
their boundaries being violated. And sometimes it's the

330
00:11:58,450 --> 00:12:00,289
toxic stuff of the other person as a

331
00:12:00,289 --> 00:12:02,585
walking red flag. That's when we talk about

332
00:12:02,644 --> 00:12:04,105
the dangers of subfrenzy.

333
00:12:04,404 --> 00:12:06,565
That's typically what we talk about. But it

334
00:12:06,565 --> 00:12:07,705
can also be

335
00:12:10,085 --> 00:12:12,884
less terrifying than that, but still just as

336
00:12:12,884 --> 00:12:13,945
serious where

337
00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:15,225
they're not

338
00:12:15,779 --> 00:12:17,940
standing firm in their own limits and they're

339
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:20,019
agreeing to do things and saying that they

340
00:12:20,019 --> 00:12:21,860
agree to do things with a a a

341
00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:24,199
willing partner that they don't actually wanna do.

342
00:12:24,339 --> 00:12:27,240
Lola agrees. Lola agrees. As usual, she knows.

343
00:12:28,924 --> 00:12:30,924
I'm trying to decide. Does she give top

344
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,865
energy? I don't know. Anyway,

345
00:12:34,125 --> 00:12:36,445
I've anthropomorphized her enough. We don't have to

346
00:12:36,445 --> 00:12:37,345
go there. No.

347
00:12:38,605 --> 00:12:40,384
But, you know, you can sometimes

348
00:12:40,924 --> 00:12:42,950
agree to do a thing that

349
00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:48,830
and

350
00:12:53,009 --> 00:12:55,570
this is the Lola showdown. Yep. Oh my

351
00:12:55,570 --> 00:12:58,725
god. Y'all, she is sitting next to JB,

352
00:12:58,725 --> 00:13:00,424
but not looking at him. No.

353
00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:04,264
Do we wanna try to Yeah. Pick her?

354
00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:11,365
Nobody's touching her, y'all. She's she's just laying

355
00:13:11,365 --> 00:13:12,745
on the floor where she was sleeping.

356
00:13:13,205 --> 00:13:15,179
Are we sure she's not part husky? What

357
00:13:15,179 --> 00:13:15,759
the hell?

358
00:13:18,220 --> 00:13:20,940
Okay. You're okay. You're okay. My whole point

359
00:13:20,940 --> 00:13:23,339
is that sometimes a partner will suggest something

360
00:13:23,339 --> 00:13:25,259
that's they're not doing it out of out

361
00:13:25,259 --> 00:13:28,095
of, an abusive nature or toxic nature because

362
00:13:28,095 --> 00:13:29,695
they're a red flag. There's a thing they

363
00:13:29,695 --> 00:13:32,014
want. And the other partner in frenzy might

364
00:13:32,014 --> 00:13:34,014
be so excited at the thought that they

365
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:34,834
don't just

366
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,075
stop and say,

367
00:13:38,174 --> 00:13:40,355
actually, I'm not interested in that.

368
00:13:41,269 --> 00:13:41,769
So

369
00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:45,450
that is a thing that can

370
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:47,610
occur.

371
00:13:49,590 --> 00:13:52,470
There we go. We had podcast listeners. Just

372
00:13:52,470 --> 00:13:54,254
be grateful we are still old school, the

373
00:13:54,254 --> 00:13:55,955
and it's just still audio.

374
00:13:56,815 --> 00:13:57,715
Good lord.

375
00:13:59,535 --> 00:14:00,434
What would

376
00:14:01,294 --> 00:14:02,674
you, not Lola,

377
00:14:03,455 --> 00:14:04,754
have to say about

378
00:14:05,455 --> 00:14:08,340
frenzy? And especially at the beginning of a

379
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:10,519
power exchange or a new power exchange?

380
00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:12,040
Yeah.

381
00:14:14,899 --> 00:14:16,600
You know, I I think frenzy

382
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:19,559
ties in very well

383
00:14:20,019 --> 00:14:22,120
with new relationship energy.

384
00:14:23,134 --> 00:14:25,455
Yes. Okay. Yes. I I think there is

385
00:14:25,455 --> 00:14:27,855
a a good, you know Mhmm. The the

386
00:14:27,855 --> 00:14:29,794
2 of them overlap, and there's a definite

387
00:14:30,174 --> 00:14:30,674
correlation.

388
00:14:31,134 --> 00:14:33,394
Yeah. I I agree with that. Especially,

389
00:14:34,014 --> 00:14:36,095
if you're in a you're you're somebody with

390
00:14:36,095 --> 00:14:38,259
a you're a kinkster with experience. Right? And

391
00:14:38,259 --> 00:14:40,179
you're like, I've had my frenzy moment. I

392
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:42,740
lost my damn mind 5 years ago. But

393
00:14:42,740 --> 00:14:44,519
that new relationship energy,

394
00:14:45,059 --> 00:14:46,919
you might not clock what you're

395
00:14:47,379 --> 00:14:50,715
experiencing necessarily as frenzy because it's maybe not

396
00:14:50,795 --> 00:14:53,035
as, like, intense as it was the first

397
00:14:53,035 --> 00:14:53,695
time around.

398
00:14:53,995 --> 00:14:56,475
But I think that's where things like not

399
00:14:56,475 --> 00:14:58,475
just going, hey. I'm I'm glad you like

400
00:14:58,475 --> 00:15:00,475
that idea, but I'm not down for it.

401
00:15:00,475 --> 00:15:03,215
Right? Or not wanting to stop a scene.

402
00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:06,430
Again, that's different than not wanting to stop

403
00:15:06,430 --> 00:15:07,830
a scene because you don't wanna disappoint a

404
00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:10,470
partner. That's another thing to to that you

405
00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:11,690
have to deal with Yeah.

406
00:15:12,309 --> 00:15:14,790
In kink and power exchange. But more so

407
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:17,370
the, I don't this is our only chance.

408
00:15:17,509 --> 00:15:18,970
This is my only time.

409
00:15:19,565 --> 00:15:21,245
You know, those kinds of things. And that's

410
00:15:21,245 --> 00:15:23,985
a that phenomenon that's not initially

411
00:15:24,365 --> 00:15:26,445
automatically part of frenzy can happen to you

412
00:15:26,445 --> 00:15:28,605
in an established relationship where you know better,

413
00:15:28,605 --> 00:15:30,524
and you're like, but this is our one

414
00:15:30,524 --> 00:15:31,259
damn night

415
00:15:31,899 --> 00:15:34,960
to get to do this. Right? Mhmm. So,

416
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,259
the other time, you know, talking about that

417
00:15:37,259 --> 00:15:40,940
frenzy can happen even in established relationships. You

418
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,100
know, you pointed out you're you've been in

419
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,320
one role and now you're

420
00:15:44,904 --> 00:15:46,985
exploring what an the other side of the

421
00:15:46,985 --> 00:15:49,485
slash means. That absolutely can be a way.

422
00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:50,764
If you are in

423
00:15:51,465 --> 00:15:52,125
a nonmonogamous

424
00:15:52,745 --> 00:15:53,245
relationship

425
00:15:54,024 --> 00:15:57,164
and you meet a new person that you're,

426
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:00,250
again, going through new relationship energy

427
00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:01,769
with, you might

428
00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,250
experience a bit of frenzy.

429
00:16:05,429 --> 00:16:06,889
When we talk about frenzy,

430
00:16:07,429 --> 00:16:07,929
we

431
00:16:09,110 --> 00:16:12,134
always, always, always talk about sub frenzy, but

432
00:16:12,774 --> 00:16:14,955
the idea of dom or top frenzy,

433
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,455
do you have any memories from multiple decades

434
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:21,254
ago of having experienced that? Have you experienced

435
00:16:21,254 --> 00:16:24,535
something like that with new partners? Like, does

436
00:16:24,535 --> 00:16:26,695
that resonate with you at all? It it

437
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:27,195
does.

438
00:16:28,909 --> 00:16:29,570
You know,

439
00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:31,490
thinking back on it,

440
00:16:32,589 --> 00:16:33,950
yeah, I can see where I had,

441
00:16:34,909 --> 00:16:36,370
What what do you remember?

442
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,450
Not very much at this point.

443
00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:41,309
You know, but, yeah, it was it was

444
00:16:41,309 --> 00:16:41,809
there.

445
00:16:42,565 --> 00:16:44,585
Did you make questionable partner decisions

446
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:48,185
because of it? That's what subs often do.

447
00:16:49,045 --> 00:16:51,205
But doms aren't immune to picking the wrong

448
00:16:51,205 --> 00:16:52,264
one. Yeah.

449
00:16:54,245 --> 00:16:56,500
I don't think so. For me, it was

450
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,980
more like I wanted to be involved in

451
00:16:58,980 --> 00:16:59,480
everything.

452
00:17:01,059 --> 00:17:03,779
You were going to everything, doing everything, taking

453
00:17:03,779 --> 00:17:05,000
every class. If it was

454
00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,400
going, I was there.

455
00:17:08,259 --> 00:17:11,059
So you had FOMO too, probably. Yeah. Yeah.

456
00:17:11,059 --> 00:17:13,484
Yeah. I see. And that's the thing. Frenzy

457
00:17:13,484 --> 00:17:16,605
can can present in a in so many

458
00:17:16,605 --> 00:17:17,105
ways.

459
00:17:17,644 --> 00:17:18,944
It just I, personally,

460
00:17:19,244 --> 00:17:22,384
I think that the overarching definition is

461
00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:24,869
overzealousness

462
00:17:25,329 --> 00:17:25,829
and

463
00:17:26,929 --> 00:17:29,089
making decisions that are not always in your

464
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,250
best interest. I'm pretty sure there were times

465
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,730
you spent money or lost sleep when what

466
00:17:33,730 --> 00:17:35,730
you really needed to do was take your

467
00:17:35,730 --> 00:17:37,990
ass to the house. Right? Pretty much.

468
00:17:38,355 --> 00:17:38,855
Pretty

469
00:17:39,234 --> 00:17:40,855
much. Yeah. Yeah.

470
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,075
I think the time to be worried about

471
00:17:43,315 --> 00:17:45,714
truly be worried about frenzy is if you

472
00:17:45,714 --> 00:17:48,855
are not paying attention to others' red flags

473
00:17:49,315 --> 00:17:51,015
or if you are

474
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,960
pushing up against other people's boundaries and limits

475
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,740
in your excitement. Right? Like, if you're just,

476
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,039
you know, not you can be as excited

477
00:17:59,039 --> 00:18:01,200
as you wanna be, and please please be

478
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,519
excited. This is meant to be fun. But

479
00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:05,325
it's when you start, like, stepping on other

480
00:18:05,404 --> 00:18:07,085
people's toes about it that that's when we're

481
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:08,304
in you know? Yeah.

482
00:18:10,684 --> 00:18:13,644
I god. I've I feel so old. I'm

483
00:18:13,644 --> 00:18:15,585
trying to remember if I had

484
00:18:16,444 --> 00:18:19,099
frenzy with you, like, true frenzy. Because I

485
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,259
I definitely had sub frenzy with the previous

486
00:18:21,259 --> 00:18:23,339
partner. And then when you and I met,

487
00:18:23,339 --> 00:18:25,599
I was still, like, broken heart,

488
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,380
mourning the loss of something that really never

489
00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:29,359
was. Yep.

490
00:18:29,819 --> 00:18:31,740
And so we went really, really super slow.

491
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:33,315
So I don't feel like I ever

492
00:18:33,794 --> 00:18:35,394
had I think the closest we came was

493
00:18:35,394 --> 00:18:36,994
the first time we were physically in each

494
00:18:36,994 --> 00:18:37,815
other's presence.

495
00:18:38,115 --> 00:18:40,115
Yes. And I think we both experienced a

496
00:18:40,115 --> 00:18:41,575
type of frenzy because,

497
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:42,754
I mean, you had

498
00:18:43,474 --> 00:18:45,394
before you walked in the door, we were

499
00:18:45,394 --> 00:18:46,850
in a scene. You just didn't know it

500
00:18:46,850 --> 00:18:48,930
yet. I was surprising you. That's true. That's

501
00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:50,869
true. But we immediately, like,

502
00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:53,650
said hi, kinda went, oh, yeah. You're you.

503
00:18:53,650 --> 00:18:55,650
And then went right into a scene, and

504
00:18:55,650 --> 00:18:58,049
you went real hard, real fast. I got

505
00:18:58,529 --> 00:18:59,589
Whoo. Yeah.

506
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:01,974
You you were exuberant. It was all that

507
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,275
road time I was in.

508
00:19:03,734 --> 00:19:05,835
And I safe worded. But

509
00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:07,835
I mean, our

510
00:19:09,095 --> 00:19:11,335
I don't wanna classify the excitement that long

511
00:19:11,335 --> 00:19:12,234
distance relationships,

512
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:14,960
people in long distance relationships get to feel

513
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,799
when they're finally together as frenzy because I

514
00:19:16,799 --> 00:19:18,339
don't think that's fair to anybody.

515
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,980
Because every visit we had

516
00:19:21,279 --> 00:19:23,279
up until we were starting to plan the

517
00:19:23,279 --> 00:19:25,200
the move really as as long as we

518
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,179
were kid free

519
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:27,940
was just

520
00:19:29,214 --> 00:19:31,615
wall to wall fuckery. Like, that's just what

521
00:19:31,615 --> 00:19:34,994
we did. But that first time was super

522
00:19:35,134 --> 00:19:35,634
intense

523
00:19:36,095 --> 00:19:37,774
because we'd had all that build up and

524
00:19:37,774 --> 00:19:40,589
there was all of that uncertainty that were,

525
00:19:40,589 --> 00:19:42,589
was this real? Were we really compatible? And

526
00:19:42,589 --> 00:19:45,230
then we certainly were. And then we were

527
00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:46,369
super excited.

528
00:19:46,909 --> 00:19:47,409
Yeah.

529
00:19:47,710 --> 00:19:50,609
I think the the thing that would delineate

530
00:19:51,069 --> 00:19:52,829
it in my mind from what I consider

531
00:19:52,829 --> 00:19:53,329
frenzy

532
00:19:53,869 --> 00:19:55,774
is that we did play safely and we

533
00:19:55,774 --> 00:19:58,494
did care about each other's boundaries and we

534
00:19:58,494 --> 00:20:00,255
used our safe words and And that's and

535
00:20:00,255 --> 00:20:02,015
that's a big thing, you know. You you

536
00:20:02,015 --> 00:20:02,994
can be

537
00:20:03,375 --> 00:20:04,194
in frenzy,

538
00:20:05,534 --> 00:20:08,335
but, you know, as long as you each

539
00:20:08,335 --> 00:20:09,875
other respects their boundaries,

540
00:20:10,815 --> 00:20:11,430
you know,

541
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:14,330
and and,

542
00:20:15,029 --> 00:20:15,529
you

543
00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:17,430
know, you you can get you'll get through

544
00:20:17,430 --> 00:20:20,150
it. Oh, yeah. For sure. Because we're going

545
00:20:20,150 --> 00:20:23,369
to, in some future week, do an episode

546
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,875
on an expression, another kinkster used that I

547
00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:28,455
have fallen in love with, old relationship energy,

548
00:20:28,755 --> 00:20:29,255
because

549
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:30,775
that's a thing.

550
00:20:32,434 --> 00:20:33,815
But, you know,

551
00:20:34,674 --> 00:20:36,195
to watch out for it as part of

552
00:20:36,195 --> 00:20:37,255
a new power exchange

553
00:20:37,690 --> 00:20:40,009
is not to not want each other to

554
00:20:40,009 --> 00:20:42,170
be excited and to be bouncing off the

555
00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:44,970
walls with the the kink energy. Like, that's

556
00:20:44,970 --> 00:20:46,910
not it. It's to watch out for

557
00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:49,549
yourself and your partner making decisions

558
00:20:50,164 --> 00:20:52,724
that are against their best interest or your

559
00:20:52,724 --> 00:20:54,184
best interest. It's the boundary,

560
00:20:54,724 --> 00:20:57,924
you know, overstepping. It's the not using a

561
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,524
safe word when they really ought to use

562
00:20:59,524 --> 00:21:01,845
a safe word. It's, you know, saying yes

563
00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:04,009
to things that they don't real you know,

564
00:21:04,009 --> 00:21:05,690
you don't really want. Those are the things

565
00:21:05,690 --> 00:21:08,490
to watch out for because those things can

566
00:21:08,490 --> 00:21:08,990
unintentionally

567
00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:13,390
lead to long term harm, whether that's

568
00:21:13,769 --> 00:21:15,769
a thing we'll talk about, later, a bad

569
00:21:15,769 --> 00:21:17,994
tape, or it's actual physical harm.

570
00:21:18,375 --> 00:21:20,215
So you just you do need to to

571
00:21:20,215 --> 00:21:22,134
be aware that it I don't care if

572
00:21:22,134 --> 00:21:24,634
y'all have been together 6 months, a year.

573
00:21:25,095 --> 00:21:28,375
That moving in part could create frenzy. Doing

574
00:21:28,375 --> 00:21:30,160
a new kink thing could create a sense

575
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:30,900
of frenzy.

576
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:33,380
So it really is just, you know,

577
00:21:34,559 --> 00:21:37,059
watching out for for whether you're

578
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,880
playing safely within all of that. Mhmm. And

579
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,404
now she's at the door like she wants

580
00:21:42,404 --> 00:21:44,565
to go into another room. Okay. Let me

581
00:21:44,565 --> 00:21:46,005
see if she does want to. Yeah. You

582
00:21:46,005 --> 00:21:46,904
do that and

583
00:21:47,365 --> 00:21:49,605
because, folks have been commenting in live chat.

584
00:21:49,605 --> 00:21:52,164
I'm sure podcast listeners might be interested too.

585
00:21:52,164 --> 00:21:53,780
She actually was wide awake when she started

586
00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:53,845
all that crying. She just decided something. She

587
00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:54,595
wasn't getting

588
00:22:06,779 --> 00:22:07,279
mom,

589
00:22:08,055 --> 00:22:09,035
looking at JB

590
00:22:09,654 --> 00:22:10,235
and just

591
00:22:10,775 --> 00:22:11,275
crying.

592
00:22:13,414 --> 00:22:15,735
Calmly, like her voice was not calm, but

593
00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:18,775
her body language was super calm. I don't

594
00:22:18,775 --> 00:22:20,875
know what all of that was.

595
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:25,059
That is,

596
00:22:25,759 --> 00:22:28,000
the way Lola cries when she does not

597
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:28,500
think

598
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,359
we're paying enough attention. That's the cry we

599
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,759
get if she is outside and wants to

600
00:22:33,759 --> 00:22:35,380
come in and you did not

601
00:22:35,839 --> 00:22:38,160
open the door before she knew she wanted

602
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,644
to come in. You know what I'm saying?

603
00:22:39,644 --> 00:22:41,615
She's she's been doing that a lot,

604
00:22:42,394 --> 00:22:44,474
lately because her and I, we have been

605
00:22:44,474 --> 00:22:46,095
walking fairly steadily.

606
00:22:46,954 --> 00:22:47,454
And

607
00:22:47,835 --> 00:22:50,075
last night, we did not walk because my

608
00:22:50,075 --> 00:22:53,029
back was bothering me. Mhmm. Mhmm. And tonight,

609
00:22:53,029 --> 00:22:55,690
obviously, I'm here with y'all. And

610
00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:59,130
Oh, and tomorrow she won't get one either.

611
00:22:59,910 --> 00:23:00,569
Oh boy.

612
00:23:01,509 --> 00:23:03,670
So yeah, and the thing is, if I

613
00:23:03,670 --> 00:23:05,849
don't W A L K her,

614
00:23:08,525 --> 00:23:08,845
Yeah.

615
00:23:09,565 --> 00:23:11,724
She gets upset, and she does that. And

616
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:13,484
she does that to get attention. If if

617
00:23:13,484 --> 00:23:15,085
she's not gonna be walked, she's gonna get

618
00:23:15,085 --> 00:23:17,164
attention, and then You're gonna know that she's

619
00:23:17,164 --> 00:23:20,045
dissatisfied with your service. Right. Okay. Yep. So

620
00:23:20,204 --> 00:23:21,539
No. Do you have anything else you would

621
00:23:21,539 --> 00:23:23,380
like to add to frenzy? Okay. Nope. That's

622
00:23:23,380 --> 00:23:25,240
a good segue then. We're gonna go into

623
00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:25,960
drop.

624
00:23:28,019 --> 00:23:30,579
Sub drop, dom drop. We I did not

625
00:23:30,579 --> 00:23:32,899
realize how much we've talked about drop over

626
00:23:32,899 --> 00:23:34,819
the years. And, actually, we spent more time

627
00:23:34,819 --> 00:23:37,755
on dom drop than sub drop. Because most

628
00:23:37,755 --> 00:23:40,075
people talk about Sub drop. Sub drop. And

629
00:23:40,075 --> 00:23:41,595
and, you know, not the fact that it

630
00:23:41,595 --> 00:23:42,734
does happen to doms.

631
00:23:43,434 --> 00:23:45,115
I remember the first time it happened to

632
00:23:45,115 --> 00:23:47,434
me. Oh my god, it was horrid. Because

633
00:23:47,434 --> 00:23:48,150
you didn't know what

634
00:23:48,869 --> 00:23:49,609
it was. You didn't know what it was.

635
00:23:50,710 --> 00:23:52,170
I almost felt,

636
00:23:53,029 --> 00:23:55,109
the the best way to describe it was

637
00:23:55,109 --> 00:23:57,750
almost flu like. Yes, my first experience with

638
00:23:57,750 --> 00:23:59,109
drop, I felt like I had was getting

639
00:23:59,109 --> 00:24:01,795
flu. It it it was absolutely horrible and

640
00:24:01,795 --> 00:24:03,795
and had no idea what was going on.

641
00:24:03,795 --> 00:24:05,555
Yeah. You think you're going crazy. You think,

642
00:24:05,555 --> 00:24:07,075
like, am I dying? Do I need to

643
00:24:07,075 --> 00:24:09,235
make a doctor's appointment? So for anybody who's

644
00:24:09,235 --> 00:24:11,235
like, what the fuck is drop? Drop is

645
00:24:11,235 --> 00:24:11,894
the low

646
00:24:12,355 --> 00:24:14,279
from the high of having to

647
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,920
gotten a kink scene. People get it after

648
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,220
going to kinky conventions.

649
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,039
We would get it after every visit when

650
00:24:22,039 --> 00:24:23,960
he would come or I would go to

651
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,519
him. We'd get a weekend, a week, whatever

652
00:24:26,519 --> 00:24:30,125
together. We'd live our best power exchange kinky

653
00:24:30,125 --> 00:24:32,924
fuckery lives for a few days. Then we'd

654
00:24:32,924 --> 00:24:34,365
have to go back to being long distance

655
00:24:34,365 --> 00:24:36,525
again and there would be a drop. It's

656
00:24:36,525 --> 00:24:37,025
very

657
00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:40,139
It's most commonly talked about after a scene.

658
00:24:40,139 --> 00:24:42,879
And it's most, most commonly talked about

659
00:24:43,179 --> 00:24:46,480
as the opposite of subspace or topspace, domspace.

660
00:24:46,779 --> 00:24:48,379
But it's, you know, you get that high

661
00:24:48,379 --> 00:24:50,539
or that floaty feeling, or for you it's

662
00:24:50,539 --> 00:24:52,960
like really focused feeling, like however your

663
00:24:53,345 --> 00:24:56,144
space feels. Yep. And what goes up must

664
00:24:56,144 --> 00:24:56,884
come down.

665
00:24:57,825 --> 00:25:00,005
And so the the down is drop.

666
00:25:01,184 --> 00:25:03,505
My experience has been, especially since I don't

667
00:25:03,505 --> 00:25:04,484
go into subspace

668
00:25:04,785 --> 00:25:07,690
very often anymore, it's been a hot minute

669
00:25:07,690 --> 00:25:09,529
since I've really been in subspace. But I

670
00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:11,690
And we haven't played that intensely either. True.

671
00:25:11,690 --> 00:25:13,369
But even when we were, you know, it

672
00:25:13,369 --> 00:25:14,809
was one of those things we were fitting

673
00:25:14,809 --> 00:25:17,210
in our play in between other things, and

674
00:25:17,210 --> 00:25:19,470
so whatever. Mhmm. But, you know,

675
00:25:20,075 --> 00:25:22,894
we've experienced it after we've gotten, like,

676
00:25:23,515 --> 00:25:24,015
really

677
00:25:24,474 --> 00:25:26,394
intense moments that weren't a scene, or I

678
00:25:26,394 --> 00:25:28,154
wasn't in subspace, but we just had a

679
00:25:28,154 --> 00:25:30,954
really good time being kinky together. Whether that

680
00:25:30,954 --> 00:25:34,019
was actual kink scenes or it was just

681
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,799
really swimming in our power exchange for a

682
00:25:36,799 --> 00:25:37,619
day or 2,

683
00:25:38,559 --> 00:25:40,640
going to kinky conventions where you can just

684
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,340
be a kinkster for

685
00:25:44,735 --> 00:25:46,914
some amount of time, and then that's the

686
00:25:47,695 --> 00:25:49,455
the life you get to live and and

687
00:25:49,455 --> 00:25:51,475
the rest of your life kinda falls away.

688
00:25:53,615 --> 00:25:55,535
I don't I don't care how long you've

689
00:25:55,535 --> 00:25:57,475
been together. I don't care

690
00:25:58,079 --> 00:25:58,579
how,

691
00:25:59,279 --> 00:26:02,000
much kink you did together before you got

692
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,460
into a power exchange or

693
00:26:03,919 --> 00:26:06,419
drop can still happen. I think it is

694
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:06,980
probably

695
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,299
less frequent

696
00:26:09,759 --> 00:26:10,980
as a relationship

697
00:26:11,644 --> 00:26:14,125
goes on, but not necessarily. I mean, everybody's

698
00:26:14,125 --> 00:26:16,524
different. So your brain chemistry is different. You're

699
00:26:16,524 --> 00:26:17,585
gonna react differently

700
00:26:18,204 --> 00:26:19,644
to all this you know, the thing that

701
00:26:19,644 --> 00:26:21,644
wouldn't send me into subspace and then have

702
00:26:21,644 --> 00:26:23,904
me drop could be the thing that absolutely

703
00:26:24,044 --> 00:26:26,340
does for you even though you've been doing

704
00:26:26,340 --> 00:26:28,420
this for 20 years. Right? Like, that that's

705
00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:29,559
a very individualistic

706
00:26:30,019 --> 00:26:31,859
thing, which is why you still need to

707
00:26:31,859 --> 00:26:34,340
watch out for it. You've negotiated your power

708
00:26:34,340 --> 00:26:36,340
exchange. Maybe you're living together. Hell, maybe you're

709
00:26:36,340 --> 00:26:38,299
fucking married and you're raising kids or Mhmm.

710
00:26:38,420 --> 00:26:40,705
Taking care of parents and got 30 jobs

711
00:26:40,705 --> 00:26:42,005
and no days off, and

712
00:26:42,625 --> 00:26:44,884
you can still go in the fucking drop.

713
00:26:44,945 --> 00:26:47,585
It doesn't it doesn't necessarily go away just

714
00:26:47,585 --> 00:26:49,424
because you become an an old boring couple

715
00:26:49,424 --> 00:26:50,225
like us. Like, it

716
00:26:50,945 --> 00:26:53,424
and that's why it's something to be thinking

717
00:26:53,424 --> 00:26:54,725
about and to

718
00:26:55,029 --> 00:26:57,190
just be aware of. I wouldn't worry about

719
00:26:57,190 --> 00:26:59,670
it unless your drop is debilitating. If your

720
00:26:59,670 --> 00:27:01,670
drop is debilitating and you literally are not

721
00:27:01,670 --> 00:27:03,210
gonna function for a few days,

722
00:27:03,509 --> 00:27:05,769
you're gonna have to be more mindful than

723
00:27:06,150 --> 00:27:07,829
those of us who just, you know, need

724
00:27:07,829 --> 00:27:09,670
some extra sleep and get a little get

725
00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:10,490
a little cranky.

726
00:27:11,914 --> 00:27:14,575
I I have this bad tendency when my,

727
00:27:14,714 --> 00:27:16,494
like, when my mental health tanks,

728
00:27:16,795 --> 00:27:18,394
I either get super quiet and have not

729
00:27:18,394 --> 00:27:19,855
a fucking thing to say to anybody,

730
00:27:20,394 --> 00:27:22,315
or if you're gonna make me talk to

731
00:27:22,315 --> 00:27:22,815
somebody,

732
00:27:23,210 --> 00:27:25,049
I'm a be pissy about it. And, you

733
00:27:25,049 --> 00:27:27,130
know, you're not living your best miss of

734
00:27:27,130 --> 00:27:29,789
life if you're snapping at your daddy dom

735
00:27:29,930 --> 00:27:30,829
because you're

736
00:27:31,450 --> 00:27:32,750
over slash understimulated.

737
00:27:33,210 --> 00:27:34,430
I mean you know?

738
00:27:35,394 --> 00:27:35,894
So,

739
00:27:37,954 --> 00:27:39,255
when was the last time

740
00:27:40,914 --> 00:27:42,214
you remember experiencing

741
00:27:42,515 --> 00:27:43,575
drop? Drop?

742
00:27:45,234 --> 00:27:46,914
I mean, we've been together long enough. I'm

743
00:27:46,914 --> 00:27:48,775
sure it's happened since we've been together.

744
00:27:49,460 --> 00:27:52,200
Yeah. Yeah. And it's it's been a while.

745
00:27:52,259 --> 00:27:54,519
Mhmm. It it has been a while.

746
00:27:55,380 --> 00:27:56,359
I would say

747
00:27:58,339 --> 00:28:01,140
probably prior to when we moved here to

748
00:28:01,140 --> 00:28:01,640
Ocala.

749
00:28:01,945 --> 00:28:03,625
We had so much more fuckery in our

750
00:28:03,625 --> 00:28:06,045
lives before we moved here. Yeah.

751
00:28:08,345 --> 00:28:10,585
We have and I don't regret moving here.

752
00:28:10,585 --> 00:28:12,505
No. Not at all. There are many good

753
00:28:12,505 --> 00:28:13,799
things in our life

754
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,279
that have occurred because we We are we

755
00:28:16,279 --> 00:28:18,279
we are where we are. But it's a

756
00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:21,259
give and take. Mhmm. And we gave up

757
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,500
so much fuckery. We we did.

758
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:26,519
We just didn't know it at the time

759
00:28:26,519 --> 00:28:28,274
that we'll Well, I mean, it it was

760
00:28:28,274 --> 00:28:30,274
a comedy of errors after that because the

761
00:28:30,274 --> 00:28:32,274
the rental house, the boys were right across

762
00:28:32,274 --> 00:28:34,595
the hall from us. I know. You know?

763
00:28:34,595 --> 00:28:36,755
We were getting a bit of fuckery once

764
00:28:36,755 --> 00:28:38,115
we moved here, but we had lived here

765
00:28:38,115 --> 00:28:39,490
a very short amount of time when our

766
00:28:39,490 --> 00:28:41,809
bottom fell out and, like, life got chaotic.

767
00:28:41,809 --> 00:28:43,650
Yeah. And we're, yeah, we're still in recovery

768
00:28:43,650 --> 00:28:46,210
from that. So, yeah, it's it's just it's

769
00:28:46,210 --> 00:28:48,130
just funny to me. It's just funny to

770
00:28:48,130 --> 00:28:50,210
me. Like, there's okay. I can say this

771
00:28:50,210 --> 00:28:52,630
because I'm not in it right now. I

772
00:28:53,384 --> 00:28:55,144
probably would feel differently if I was in

773
00:28:55,144 --> 00:28:56,585
the middle of drop. But there is a

774
00:28:56,585 --> 00:28:58,585
part of me that's like, could we have

775
00:28:58,585 --> 00:29:00,424
something intense enough that I please get to

776
00:29:00,424 --> 00:29:02,825
experience drop again? I would not be mad.

777
00:29:02,825 --> 00:29:04,684
Yeah. Well, same. You know?

778
00:29:05,065 --> 00:29:07,384
Yeah. Because it's a it's a little bit

779
00:29:07,384 --> 00:29:08,430
frustrating because

780
00:29:08,750 --> 00:29:10,430
most of the time, if you're going through

781
00:29:10,430 --> 00:29:12,910
drop, it's because you had a good damn

782
00:29:12,910 --> 00:29:14,930
time a few days before.

783
00:29:16,590 --> 00:29:17,570
So it's like

784
00:29:18,110 --> 00:29:19,490
a give and take thing.

785
00:29:20,269 --> 00:29:22,005
Just real quick for anybody who has not

786
00:29:22,005 --> 00:29:24,404
listened to the 85,000,000 times we've talked about

787
00:29:24,404 --> 00:29:24,904
drop.

788
00:29:25,445 --> 00:29:27,445
Everybody does experience it differently. Yes.

789
00:29:28,005 --> 00:29:31,525
I have had 3 types of experiences. 1

790
00:29:31,525 --> 00:29:33,445
was flu like symptoms. I literally thought I

791
00:29:33,445 --> 00:29:35,205
was getting sick. I almost went to urgent

792
00:29:35,205 --> 00:29:35,705
care.

793
00:29:37,500 --> 00:29:40,460
I've had the the mental health every I'm

794
00:29:40,460 --> 00:29:43,039
fuzzy. I'm my mood is low.

795
00:29:43,420 --> 00:29:43,920
It's,

796
00:29:44,700 --> 00:29:46,320
feels a bit like depression.

797
00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:48,619
Maybe it would it would be classified as

798
00:29:48,619 --> 00:29:50,380
that. I don't know. And then my 3rd

799
00:29:50,380 --> 00:29:52,559
is a combo of those where my body

800
00:29:53,044 --> 00:29:55,224
is miserable and my my head is

801
00:29:55,525 --> 00:29:56,644
not in a good position. Well, I mean,

802
00:29:56,644 --> 00:29:58,085
you think about it. You know, when you're

803
00:29:58,164 --> 00:29:59,304
when you do a scene,

804
00:30:00,244 --> 00:30:02,964
it releases all those feel good chemicals into

805
00:30:02,964 --> 00:30:03,625
your body.

806
00:30:04,005 --> 00:30:06,005
You know? You you got adrenaline. You got,

807
00:30:06,005 --> 00:30:09,150
what, dopamine and Endorphins. Endorphins and all this

808
00:30:09,150 --> 00:30:11,150
stuff raging through the body and, you know,

809
00:30:11,150 --> 00:30:13,410
you're you're like, yeah. Bring it.

810
00:30:13,950 --> 00:30:14,269
And,

811
00:30:15,470 --> 00:30:18,109
yep. When all that goes away Mhmm. Because

812
00:30:18,109 --> 00:30:20,109
that that's all been shoring you up and,

813
00:30:20,109 --> 00:30:21,250
you know Right.

814
00:30:22,134 --> 00:30:23,355
Yeah. Yeah.

815
00:30:23,894 --> 00:30:25,755
I mean, I've yeah. So

816
00:30:26,134 --> 00:30:28,134
if you thought, oh, we got past new

817
00:30:28,134 --> 00:30:30,934
relationship energy. Oh, we've kind of settled into

818
00:30:30,934 --> 00:30:33,035
our power exchange that we just negotiated.

819
00:30:33,575 --> 00:30:35,559
Drop's not a thing I gotta worry about.

820
00:30:35,559 --> 00:30:36,220
It can still

821
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,680
happen. I you know, I think there's it

822
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:41,400
it depends on a million factors, but I

823
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:41,900
know

824
00:30:42,519 --> 00:30:43,019
from

825
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,799
our experience and then I've had conversations with

826
00:30:45,799 --> 00:30:47,640
other people who've had similar experiences, so I

827
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:48,859
know it's not just us.

828
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:50,619
The comfort of knowing

829
00:30:51,134 --> 00:30:51,634
now

830
00:30:52,095 --> 00:30:54,095
that the day after a scene, 2 days

831
00:30:54,095 --> 00:30:56,095
after a scene, whatever whatever might send me

832
00:30:56,095 --> 00:30:58,914
into drop, that my person is right there

833
00:31:00,255 --> 00:31:02,174
decreases the drop for me. Like, I might

834
00:31:02,174 --> 00:31:04,180
still feel a little low. I surely might

835
00:31:04,180 --> 00:31:05,720
still have body aches because,

836
00:31:06,259 --> 00:31:07,859
I mean, when we get to play, it

837
00:31:07,859 --> 00:31:09,720
does tend to be very intense physically.

838
00:31:10,580 --> 00:31:11,080
Mhmm.

839
00:31:11,539 --> 00:31:13,940
But it's not as bad as when we

840
00:31:13,940 --> 00:31:16,100
were long distance, and we also had to

841
00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:18,015
contend with the drop of we are not

842
00:31:18,255 --> 00:31:21,134
physically together anymore. When you do get to

843
00:31:21,134 --> 00:31:22,035
be together

844
00:31:22,974 --> 00:31:24,494
in your drop, you get to lean on

845
00:31:24,494 --> 00:31:26,095
one another. You have to process together. You

846
00:31:26,095 --> 00:31:27,855
get to you're not alone. You're not going,

847
00:31:27,855 --> 00:31:29,615
am I crazy? Like, you get to be

848
00:31:29,615 --> 00:31:31,775
crazy together. You know? And and you know

849
00:31:31,775 --> 00:31:33,920
one of the things you know, yeah, having

850
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:34,720
having that,

851
00:31:35,359 --> 00:31:37,519
you know, if you're somebody that does,

852
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:38,980
pickup play,

853
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:40,799
you know,

854
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:43,619
you may need to

855
00:31:44,559 --> 00:31:46,099
include that in your negotiations.

856
00:31:48,204 --> 00:31:49,964
If I if I start to drop, can

857
00:31:49,964 --> 00:31:52,204
I call you? Can we can we talk

858
00:31:52,204 --> 00:31:54,044
or text her? Check-in with each other a

859
00:31:54,044 --> 00:31:55,644
day or 2 after. Because some people don't

860
00:31:55,644 --> 00:31:57,644
experience it the immediate day after. It can

861
00:31:57,644 --> 00:32:00,365
be a day or 2 after their scene

862
00:32:00,365 --> 00:32:02,669
or their moment or whatever. That if if

863
00:32:02,669 --> 00:32:04,130
the person is unable

864
00:32:04,509 --> 00:32:05,009
to

865
00:32:05,389 --> 00:32:07,730
provide any kind of aftercare like that,

866
00:32:08,190 --> 00:32:09,250
then, you know,

867
00:32:09,630 --> 00:32:11,649
what friends do you have in the community,

868
00:32:11,950 --> 00:32:13,950
you know, that that you can call them

869
00:32:13,950 --> 00:32:15,470
and talk to them or, you know, go

870
00:32:15,470 --> 00:32:17,409
hang out with with some friends and,

871
00:32:17,944 --> 00:32:20,444
you know, to to kinda alleviate it. Mhmm.

872
00:32:20,505 --> 00:32:21,865
Which it's you know, we get back to

873
00:32:21,865 --> 00:32:23,785
you you're in a new power exchange. Ideally,

874
00:32:23,785 --> 00:32:25,625
you have one another. But if your power

875
00:32:25,625 --> 00:32:27,704
exchange is long distance or you just don't

876
00:32:27,704 --> 00:32:30,365
live together Right. Then you'll have to find

877
00:32:30,450 --> 00:32:32,289
other ways to work around that. But having

878
00:32:32,289 --> 00:32:34,149
somebody that you can just talk to

879
00:32:34,450 --> 00:32:37,089
and be with and whatever you are comfortable

880
00:32:37,089 --> 00:32:38,929
with and want in that moment like, some

881
00:32:38,929 --> 00:32:40,849
people want to be the fuck by themselves.

882
00:32:40,849 --> 00:32:42,630
They just wanna curl up in their bed

883
00:32:42,805 --> 00:32:46,345
and rot and I fair. That's fine. But,

884
00:32:46,884 --> 00:32:48,644
yeah. The other thing, and we we did

885
00:32:48,644 --> 00:32:50,825
a whole episode on this too, we have

886
00:32:50,884 --> 00:32:52,805
never figured out a way to prevent drop.

887
00:32:52,805 --> 00:32:54,904
I've never heard of anybody with a credible

888
00:32:54,964 --> 00:32:56,805
way to prevent drop. I don't think you

889
00:32:56,805 --> 00:32:58,259
can prevent it. I think you can mitigate

890
00:32:58,259 --> 00:33:00,259
it. I think you can be aware of

891
00:33:00,259 --> 00:33:01,880
it, and so it's less

892
00:33:02,259 --> 00:33:04,259
disturbing to you when it happens because you

893
00:33:04,259 --> 00:33:06,019
at least know what the hell's happening to

894
00:33:06,019 --> 00:33:08,100
you. You can have your support system. You

895
00:33:08,100 --> 00:33:10,585
can hopefully have your partner. Mhmm. But I

896
00:33:10,585 --> 00:33:12,664
don't, you know, I think it can decrease

897
00:33:12,664 --> 00:33:14,505
over time. We do a lot less intense

898
00:33:14,505 --> 00:33:16,904
things, so therefore, I don't have opportunities to

899
00:33:16,904 --> 00:33:18,265
go into drop, so therefore, I don't go

900
00:33:18,265 --> 00:33:19,404
into drop very often.

901
00:33:19,865 --> 00:33:21,784
You know, there's that too. Anything else you

902
00:33:21,784 --> 00:33:23,704
wanna say about drop? I think we're good

903
00:33:23,704 --> 00:33:24,059
there.

904
00:33:24,620 --> 00:33:26,559
Number 3. You can drop the subject.

905
00:33:26,860 --> 00:33:27,920
You're so funny.

906
00:33:28,220 --> 00:33:29,039
Number 3.

907
00:33:30,140 --> 00:33:31,840
You're gonna have to look out for

908
00:33:32,539 --> 00:33:36,160
assumptions being made. Yep. And that that is

909
00:33:36,884 --> 00:33:39,045
so nuanced and can mean so many different

910
00:33:39,045 --> 00:33:40,565
things. We did I don't think I linked

911
00:33:40,565 --> 00:33:42,325
it. I'll have to add it. As a

912
00:33:42,325 --> 00:33:42,825
submissive,

913
00:33:43,285 --> 00:33:44,884
I do I like to do, when I

914
00:33:44,884 --> 00:33:46,505
can, something called

915
00:33:47,125 --> 00:33:47,625
anticipatory

916
00:33:48,085 --> 00:33:49,545
submission, where I'm anticipating

917
00:33:50,085 --> 00:33:52,470
JB's needs and trying to fill them.

918
00:33:53,429 --> 00:33:55,609
Now 95% of the time,

919
00:33:56,230 --> 00:33:57,210
I get that right.

920
00:33:57,509 --> 00:33:59,509
But man, that 5% where I get it

921
00:33:59,509 --> 00:34:02,009
wrong. I've made it right.

922
00:34:03,109 --> 00:34:04,970
That's the time you can make assumptions

923
00:34:05,269 --> 00:34:06,944
about what your partner wants, about what they

924
00:34:07,024 --> 00:34:09,905
need and be very very wrong. Now, you

925
00:34:09,905 --> 00:34:12,065
know, another thing that I want to add

926
00:34:12,065 --> 00:34:14,164
about this, a number of years ago,

927
00:34:14,944 --> 00:34:15,925
I came across

928
00:34:16,464 --> 00:34:18,224
a thing and it was actually for for

929
00:34:18,224 --> 00:34:18,625
a,

930
00:34:19,505 --> 00:34:20,400
a rope scene.

931
00:34:21,839 --> 00:34:22,339
And

932
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:24,880
the the person who was doing this, and

933
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,219
this was the first time I had ever

934
00:34:27,279 --> 00:34:28,659
seen anyone do this,

935
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,299
in the negotiations

936
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,574
they actually asked the person, the the top

937
00:34:34,734 --> 00:34:36,434
asked the the rope bottom,

938
00:34:36,974 --> 00:34:38,114
what are your expectations

939
00:34:38,414 --> 00:34:39,315
of the scene?

940
00:34:41,375 --> 00:34:42,434
You know, and

941
00:34:43,135 --> 00:34:45,375
at the very first I thought that's an

942
00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:46,195
odd question.

943
00:34:47,900 --> 00:34:49,500
But after I had kind of time to

944
00:34:49,500 --> 00:34:51,360
process it and think about it, it's like,

945
00:34:51,420 --> 00:34:53,680
no, that's actually pretty good because

946
00:34:54,860 --> 00:34:56,940
each person could be coming in with different

947
00:34:56,940 --> 00:34:57,440
expectations,

948
00:34:58,140 --> 00:34:59,039
different assumptions.

949
00:34:59,340 --> 00:35:00,619
Right, about what the other person wants. About

950
00:35:00,619 --> 00:35:01,900
what the other person wants. Based on what

951
00:35:01,900 --> 00:35:03,605
they want. Right. Right. Right. You know?

952
00:35:04,065 --> 00:35:04,565
And

953
00:35:05,664 --> 00:35:07,844
so so yeah. It it it actually

954
00:35:08,385 --> 00:35:08,885
helps,

955
00:35:09,505 --> 00:35:10,085
you know,

956
00:35:10,545 --> 00:35:12,164
alleviate that. Mhmm.

957
00:35:13,105 --> 00:35:14,784
Mhmm. Yeah. There's gonna be assumptions that are

958
00:35:14,784 --> 00:35:16,724
gonna be made on, well, we we negotiated

959
00:35:16,864 --> 00:35:19,369
that 6 months ago. They probably still want

960
00:35:20,469 --> 00:35:23,030
that. If I'll say this. If it's something

961
00:35:23,030 --> 00:35:24,789
you do on a day to day basis,

962
00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:27,289
you or you're you that's a thing you're

963
00:35:27,349 --> 00:35:28,889
interacting with with one another

964
00:35:29,909 --> 00:35:31,130
on a consistent

965
00:35:31,614 --> 00:35:33,394
basis, maybe not daily, but consistently,

966
00:35:34,255 --> 00:35:36,575
you until your partner tells you otherwise or

967
00:35:36,575 --> 00:35:38,575
you get a signal of some sort, you

968
00:35:38,575 --> 00:35:40,994
can assume it's still the same. Right?

969
00:35:41,535 --> 00:35:42,914
But if you negotiated

970
00:35:43,535 --> 00:35:45,555
it 6 months, a year ago,

971
00:35:46,494 --> 00:35:48,170
3 months ago, and it's

972
00:35:48,469 --> 00:35:51,109
never been mentioned again, do not assume it's

973
00:35:51,109 --> 00:35:52,550
still on the table. Do not assume that's

974
00:35:52,550 --> 00:35:54,630
what you still want. Mhmm. A check-in is

975
00:35:54,630 --> 00:35:57,589
the easiest thing you can literally do. Hey.

976
00:35:57,589 --> 00:35:59,589
Are we still good with Yeah. Hey. How

977
00:35:59,589 --> 00:36:00,469
do you feel about

978
00:36:01,429 --> 00:36:01,929
Because,

979
00:36:03,014 --> 00:36:05,255
you know, that's another thing. Yeah, that's a

980
00:36:05,255 --> 00:36:06,934
very good point you brought up because consent

981
00:36:06,934 --> 00:36:08,934
is not one and done. Right. You know,

982
00:36:08,934 --> 00:36:11,434
it is ongoing. It's a fluid

983
00:36:11,894 --> 00:36:15,014
thing. Mhmm. So, yeah, and that, you start

984
00:36:15,014 --> 00:36:15,514
assuming

985
00:36:16,139 --> 00:36:18,079
stuff when it comes to consent. Right.

986
00:36:18,460 --> 00:36:20,779
Yeah. Not good. And the the biggest mistake

987
00:36:20,779 --> 00:36:21,760
I tend to see

988
00:36:22,299 --> 00:36:24,299
people make is, well, we negotiate this is

989
00:36:24,299 --> 00:36:26,299
in our contract. Well, how long ago, Joel?

990
00:36:26,299 --> 00:36:27,739
Talk about that contract. When was the last

991
00:36:27,739 --> 00:36:29,739
time you actually looked at that contract and

992
00:36:29,739 --> 00:36:31,279
talked about it with one another?

993
00:36:31,795 --> 00:36:34,355
You having a conversation in your head about

994
00:36:34,355 --> 00:36:36,614
what you think your partner would say

995
00:36:37,235 --> 00:36:40,275
is not the same as direct and clear

996
00:36:40,275 --> 00:36:40,775
communication.

997
00:36:43,315 --> 00:36:45,349
One assumption that will get a lot of

998
00:36:45,349 --> 00:36:46,410
people who,

999
00:36:48,550 --> 00:36:52,070
both in vanilla relationships that transitioned to power

1000
00:36:52,070 --> 00:36:53,690
exchange and folks who

1001
00:36:53,989 --> 00:36:57,429
are, like, shiny new and everything has been

1002
00:36:57,429 --> 00:36:59,769
vanilla and don't have the communication

1003
00:37:00,150 --> 00:37:02,144
skills yet. You'll get there.

1004
00:37:02,844 --> 00:37:04,065
They should just know.

1005
00:37:05,404 --> 00:37:08,304
That's an assumption. You are assuming that because

1006
00:37:10,284 --> 00:37:13,820
what your mind waves went out into the

1007
00:37:13,820 --> 00:37:15,679
ether in a certain formation

1008
00:37:16,059 --> 00:37:16,559
that

1009
00:37:17,099 --> 00:37:18,000
your partner

1010
00:37:19,420 --> 00:37:21,579
I mean, what? And I say this as

1011
00:37:21,579 --> 00:37:22,719
a person who spent

1012
00:37:23,019 --> 00:37:25,425
every vanilla relationship I've ever had with

1013
00:37:26,304 --> 00:37:28,224
some version of the thought, well, he should

1014
00:37:28,224 --> 00:37:29,045
just know.

1015
00:37:30,385 --> 00:37:33,844
My communication skills were piss poor. Okay?

1016
00:37:34,785 --> 00:37:36,565
And very early days of DS

1017
00:37:37,184 --> 00:37:38,385
and prior. Mhmm.

1018
00:37:38,785 --> 00:37:41,220
There is no they should just know. They

1019
00:37:41,260 --> 00:37:41,760
Yep.

1020
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:44,380
Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Are there things that you would

1021
00:37:44,380 --> 00:37:47,119
hope that after 5, 10, 15, 20

1022
00:37:47,579 --> 00:37:50,220
months or years together that your partner could

1023
00:37:50,220 --> 00:37:50,720
infer?

1024
00:37:51,260 --> 00:37:51,760
Yes.

1025
00:37:52,220 --> 00:37:54,160
And can you reasonably

1026
00:37:54,539 --> 00:37:57,074
expect, if they are confused, that they should

1027
00:37:57,315 --> 00:37:57,815
check-in?

1028
00:37:58,594 --> 00:38:01,155
Yes. I think that's a reasonable expectation. I

1029
00:38:01,155 --> 00:38:03,875
also think you have to set that expectation.

1030
00:38:03,875 --> 00:38:05,974
You have to have the conversation of, hey,

1031
00:38:06,114 --> 00:38:08,835
when in doubt, ask. Right? You shouldn't have

1032
00:38:08,835 --> 00:38:10,614
to. 1 would think we're all adults here.

1033
00:38:10,675 --> 00:38:12,295
Sometimes people need it, like,

1034
00:38:13,780 --> 00:38:15,319
said straightforward to them.

1035
00:38:15,699 --> 00:38:17,619
But we can't be walking around going, well,

1036
00:38:17,619 --> 00:38:18,679
they should just know.

1037
00:38:19,059 --> 00:38:20,440
They should just know.

1038
00:38:21,380 --> 00:38:21,880
How?

1039
00:38:22,420 --> 00:38:22,920
How?

1040
00:38:24,179 --> 00:38:26,875
How is JV supposed to just know that

1041
00:38:26,875 --> 00:38:29,135
I've got a migraine and so therefore cannot

1042
00:38:29,355 --> 00:38:31,535
fulfill my tasks as his submissive?

1043
00:38:32,315 --> 00:38:34,175
Now let me tell you.

1044
00:38:35,515 --> 00:38:38,635
As a probably spoiled rotten, but not in

1045
00:38:38,635 --> 00:38:39,855
the way like, with

1046
00:38:41,510 --> 00:38:45,050
material things. Spoiled rotten only child. I absolutely

1047
00:38:45,349 --> 00:38:47,349
have a bit of main character energy at

1048
00:38:47,349 --> 00:38:48,409
times with JB.

1049
00:38:48,710 --> 00:38:50,469
I we can have a conversation about my

1050
00:38:50,469 --> 00:38:52,965
main character energy in this in the podcast.

1051
00:38:52,965 --> 00:38:54,184
That's a different conversation.

1052
00:38:54,805 --> 00:38:57,845
So I do sometimes walk around going, well,

1053
00:38:57,845 --> 00:39:00,565
clearly, the expression on my face, the body

1054
00:39:00,565 --> 00:39:01,785
language, and the

1055
00:39:02,325 --> 00:39:03,545
deep sighs

1056
00:39:04,244 --> 00:39:07,144
should make it clear that something is wrong.

1057
00:39:08,329 --> 00:39:10,409
And, yeah, if JB is, like, not in

1058
00:39:10,409 --> 00:39:12,570
his own head about something, he might go,

1059
00:39:12,570 --> 00:39:13,070
hey.

1060
00:39:13,369 --> 00:39:16,030
Are you okay? Is everything okay?

1061
00:39:17,050 --> 00:39:18,809
And I appreciate it when he asks. It's

1062
00:39:18,809 --> 00:39:21,094
nice to be seen. Right? And I like

1063
00:39:21,094 --> 00:39:23,175
to make sure I am seen often. Thank

1064
00:39:23,175 --> 00:39:24,775
you very much. So I walk around with

1065
00:39:24,775 --> 00:39:27,355
lots of size. But I am a grown

1066
00:39:27,414 --> 00:39:30,795
ass woman, and it is my adult responsibility.

1067
00:39:31,494 --> 00:39:32,554
Mhmm. Especially,

1068
00:39:32,855 --> 00:39:34,720
like, in our power exchange where I have

1069
00:39:34,720 --> 00:39:36,019
agreed to do things

1070
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,599
to go, hey. I feel like absolute dog

1071
00:39:39,599 --> 00:39:42,160
shit right now. I know you haven't noticed

1072
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:45,300
because you too feel like absolute dog shit.

1073
00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:47,775
But I need you to notice for like

1074
00:39:47,934 --> 00:39:50,414
30 seconds, hey, I'm not gonna I don't

1075
00:39:50,414 --> 00:39:52,894
think I can do that thing that Mhmm.

1076
00:39:53,135 --> 00:39:55,454
You know, I always do. Right? Like, there's

1077
00:39:55,454 --> 00:39:55,954
no

1078
00:39:57,135 --> 00:39:59,394
uh-uh. Uh-uh. We're not gonna make those assumptions.

1079
00:39:59,454 --> 00:40:01,855
I'm gonna I'm gonna give you y'all a

1080
00:40:01,855 --> 00:40:03,554
little insight here.

1081
00:40:03,980 --> 00:40:04,480
Oh,

1082
00:40:04,859 --> 00:40:07,579
Lord. Okay? You know, she's talking about her

1083
00:40:07,579 --> 00:40:09,920
size and and knowing,

1084
00:40:10,219 --> 00:40:11,839
you know, should know something.

1085
00:40:13,179 --> 00:40:14,159
Kayla and I

1086
00:40:15,019 --> 00:40:17,260
have desks within a few feet of each

1087
00:40:17,260 --> 00:40:17,760
other.

1088
00:40:19,135 --> 00:40:19,795
Close. Very

1089
00:40:20,175 --> 00:40:22,255
close. Now I actually do sit with my

1090
00:40:22,255 --> 00:40:23,695
back to her the way my desk is

1091
00:40:23,695 --> 00:40:24,195
set,

1092
00:40:24,655 --> 00:40:24,974
but,

1093
00:40:27,535 --> 00:40:29,555
throughout the course of any given time,

1094
00:40:30,095 --> 00:40:31,855
sitting at my desk when she's at her

1095
00:40:31,855 --> 00:40:32,355
computer,

1096
00:40:33,135 --> 00:40:34,035
I will hear

1097
00:40:37,980 --> 00:40:40,559
Sometimes I'm just breathing, but I don't know.

1098
00:40:40,779 --> 00:40:44,559
And if I asked every time she sighs,

1099
00:40:45,980 --> 00:40:47,739
I could that could be my job. That's

1100
00:40:47,819 --> 00:40:49,179
Yeah. I really do. That would be my

1101
00:40:49,179 --> 00:40:51,445
job. Walk around sighing. She she

1102
00:40:51,925 --> 00:40:54,984
for her, the sigh is a natural thing.

1103
00:40:55,045 --> 00:40:55,545
Yeah.

1104
00:40:56,005 --> 00:40:57,764
Apparently it can be a stim and there's

1105
00:40:57,764 --> 00:40:59,605
something else it can be. I am there.

1106
00:40:59,605 --> 00:41:01,525
Yeah. Sometimes I forget to breathe and I

1107
00:41:01,525 --> 00:41:02,804
hold my breath and so then I have

1108
00:41:02,804 --> 00:41:03,545
to sigh

1109
00:41:03,900 --> 00:41:05,619
sigh to catch back up. So, you know

1110
00:41:05,739 --> 00:41:07,819
I'm sure there's something else to talk to

1111
00:41:07,819 --> 00:41:08,559
with a therapist.

1112
00:41:09,659 --> 00:41:11,980
There there's no way I could know. Without

1113
00:41:12,059 --> 00:41:13,739
you know, and the thing is is oh,

1114
00:41:13,739 --> 00:41:15,339
go ahead. And and in the beginning, I

1115
00:41:15,339 --> 00:41:17,179
did use You did, and it got so

1116
00:41:17,179 --> 00:41:19,019
annoying. I'm like, I'm fine. I'm just over

1117
00:41:19,019 --> 00:41:19,605
here breathing.

1118
00:41:20,644 --> 00:41:21,684
So I I got to the point where

1119
00:41:21,684 --> 00:41:22,436
now, anytime she sighs, I just take it

1120
00:41:22,436 --> 00:41:23,239
as as her sighing, and that's I really

1121
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:24,425
do be sighing a lot. It's real

1122
00:41:25,125 --> 00:41:25,625
bad.

1123
00:41:32,489 --> 00:41:34,170
I don't even notice it half the time.

1124
00:41:34,170 --> 00:41:36,329
Or I'm actually I'm just taking a deep

1125
00:41:36,329 --> 00:41:38,650
breath, and it comes out because I've been

1126
00:41:38,650 --> 00:41:39,869
holding my breath accidentally,

1127
00:41:40,730 --> 00:41:42,590
and it cuts out as a sigh. But,

1128
00:41:43,050 --> 00:41:44,670
you know, the the thing is,

1129
00:41:46,034 --> 00:41:47,494
I think it's okay

1130
00:41:48,434 --> 00:41:50,994
to want your partner to be paying enough

1131
00:41:50,994 --> 00:41:53,954
attention to you Yeah. To ask the questions

1132
00:41:53,954 --> 00:41:55,255
of, are you okay?

1133
00:41:55,554 --> 00:41:57,474
Is everything okay? You seem a little

1134
00:41:58,194 --> 00:42:00,034
that's fair. I want that, and I get

1135
00:42:00,034 --> 00:42:01,014
that. I can

1136
00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:04,480
I can confidently say nobody should making assumptions

1137
00:42:04,539 --> 00:42:06,380
because I also don't have to worry about

1138
00:42:06,380 --> 00:42:07,280
having a partner

1139
00:42:07,739 --> 00:42:10,719
that is paying so little attention to me

1140
00:42:11,019 --> 00:42:12,300
or has done no

1141
00:42:12,940 --> 00:42:15,980
made no effort to learn my cues and

1142
00:42:15,980 --> 00:42:16,480
signals

1143
00:42:18,014 --> 00:42:20,655
that, you know, he asked? So I

1144
00:42:21,135 --> 00:42:23,295
Mhmm. You know, I also know that I'm

1145
00:42:23,295 --> 00:42:24,655
free to tell him. And I also know

1146
00:42:24,655 --> 00:42:26,514
that when there are times when I'm struggling

1147
00:42:26,655 --> 00:42:27,554
to say something,

1148
00:42:28,175 --> 00:42:29,454
it might take him a minute, but he

1149
00:42:29,454 --> 00:42:32,480
will notice something's often asked. It's not an

1150
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,099
either or. It's a both

1151
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:35,859
and. Right? Mhmm.

1152
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,359
If the if you are still carrying that

1153
00:42:39,359 --> 00:42:40,339
bad communication

1154
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,300
habit of they should just know

1155
00:42:43,695 --> 00:42:46,575
because something to you feels like common knowledge.

1156
00:42:46,575 --> 00:42:48,275
Common knowledge is not always

1157
00:42:48,575 --> 00:42:50,894
common. It really is not. There's no really

1158
00:42:50,894 --> 00:42:53,075
no common sense either because

1159
00:42:53,535 --> 00:42:55,474
everybody has their own life experience,

1160
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:57,760
their own wiring, their own way of moving

1161
00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,119
through the world. So sometimes we have to

1162
00:42:59,119 --> 00:43:00,800
we have to teach people how to treat

1163
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:02,500
us. I mean, you know, they're

1164
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,019
oh, Jesus. Nope.

1165
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:06,480
I didn't You know, the the the whole

1166
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:07,859
thing of of

1167
00:43:08,639 --> 00:43:09,699
you should know

1168
00:43:10,385 --> 00:43:10,885
on

1169
00:43:11,264 --> 00:43:13,764
either on either side, it it's it's

1170
00:43:14,304 --> 00:43:15,284
it's unrealistic.

1171
00:43:15,585 --> 00:43:17,125
It's it's actually toxic

1172
00:43:17,585 --> 00:43:19,844
Yeah. Absolutely. Yes. In a lot of ways.

1173
00:43:19,905 --> 00:43:21,744
Yes. You know, the way that Long term

1174
00:43:21,744 --> 00:43:23,789
and overtime? Mhmm. Yes. You know,

1175
00:43:24,750 --> 00:43:27,650
I mean, yes. Can I can I tell,

1176
00:43:27,949 --> 00:43:29,570
you know, after we've been together,

1177
00:43:30,110 --> 00:43:31,650
you know, how many years?

1178
00:43:32,349 --> 00:43:34,130
Yes. I pretty much know

1179
00:43:34,510 --> 00:43:36,130
the difference between her

1180
00:43:36,565 --> 00:43:39,864
sitting at her desk size. My breathing. Yeah.

1181
00:43:40,244 --> 00:43:42,965
And and some other size? Yes. Am I

1182
00:43:42,965 --> 00:43:45,525
a 100% right over you every time? No.

1183
00:43:45,525 --> 00:43:47,765
But I I, you know But we also

1184
00:43:47,765 --> 00:43:49,445
have that freedom because he knows if it's

1185
00:43:49,445 --> 00:43:51,849
bad enough, I am better now than I

1186
00:43:51,849 --> 00:43:54,030
was early days. I'll say something.

1187
00:43:54,409 --> 00:43:55,389
I'm gonna say,

1188
00:43:55,769 --> 00:43:58,010
my head is killing me. I'm gonna say,

1189
00:43:58,010 --> 00:44:00,489
I feel like shit today. I'm I'm gonna

1190
00:44:00,489 --> 00:44:02,795
say those things. Yeah. Because

1191
00:44:03,255 --> 00:44:05,815
I don't have the expectation that me walking

1192
00:44:05,815 --> 00:44:07,974
around looking miserable means he's gonna pick up

1193
00:44:07,974 --> 00:44:09,815
on the signal that I'm miserable and should

1194
00:44:09,815 --> 00:44:11,255
be let out of my tasks for the

1195
00:44:11,255 --> 00:44:13,094
night. Quite frankly, I'm the type who's like,

1196
00:44:13,094 --> 00:44:14,775
I could still do it as, you know,

1197
00:44:14,775 --> 00:44:18,139
my eyesight is blurry and I'm stumbling around,

1198
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:20,280
and I'm clutching my head. No. No. I'm

1199
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,440
fine. Oh, I just my arm fell off

1200
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:24,619
in the kitchen there, and I'm dragging

1201
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,480
my corpse like body behind me. I can

1202
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:29,819
do it. Like, I'm more that type. Yeah.

1203
00:44:30,199 --> 00:44:32,014
I I mean, you know, to

1204
00:44:32,394 --> 00:44:33,214
to in in

1205
00:44:36,074 --> 00:44:38,154
whatever you had, you gave it to me

1206
00:44:38,154 --> 00:44:40,074
now. I know. It's a bad one. I'm

1207
00:44:40,074 --> 00:44:41,454
so sorry, y'all.

1208
00:44:42,875 --> 00:44:43,469
You know,

1209
00:44:44,030 --> 00:44:46,849
it in in the in our lifestyle,

1210
00:44:49,309 --> 00:44:50,130
making assumptions

1211
00:44:50,510 --> 00:44:53,789
and and not explaining how how, you know,

1212
00:44:53,789 --> 00:44:55,250
what's really going on,

1213
00:44:56,434 --> 00:44:58,855
it's bad. It could even be dangerous. Absolutely.

1214
00:44:59,155 --> 00:44:59,815
You know,

1215
00:45:00,155 --> 00:45:00,655
and

1216
00:45:01,074 --> 00:45:02,775
Until people get hurt. Yeah.

1217
00:45:03,795 --> 00:45:05,655
So, you know, never ever

1218
00:45:06,675 --> 00:45:07,175
assume

1219
00:45:07,554 --> 00:45:09,175
or think you, you know,

1220
00:45:09,554 --> 00:45:10,855
the other person knows.

1221
00:45:11,260 --> 00:45:12,619
You need to have talk. You need to

1222
00:45:12,619 --> 00:45:14,059
talk. Right. You need to tell the other

1223
00:45:14,059 --> 00:45:16,619
person. Use your grown up words. Yeah. And

1224
00:45:16,619 --> 00:45:18,140
we've talked about this many times, and I

1225
00:45:18,140 --> 00:45:20,320
always like to to reiterate this.

1226
00:45:20,619 --> 00:45:21,599
It's not always

1227
00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:22,400
verbalizing,

1228
00:45:22,780 --> 00:45:25,985
vocally saying the words. Sometimes it's too difficult.

1229
00:45:25,985 --> 00:45:28,625
It's a text. It's a voice message because

1230
00:45:28,625 --> 00:45:29,905
you can say it as long as you're

1231
00:45:29,905 --> 00:45:31,905
not looking at them. Sometimes it's an email.

1232
00:45:31,905 --> 00:45:33,985
Sometimes it's just a sticky note on the

1233
00:45:33,985 --> 00:45:36,565
refrigerator. Whatever you gotta fucking do

1234
00:45:37,019 --> 00:45:39,039
to get the information out of your brain

1235
00:45:39,179 --> 00:45:40,559
and into their brain

1236
00:45:40,940 --> 00:45:42,159
so that they know

1237
00:45:42,619 --> 00:45:44,780
what's going on with you, you find a

1238
00:45:44,780 --> 00:45:46,460
way to do it. And if you've got

1239
00:45:46,460 --> 00:45:48,000
a partner who does not give

1240
00:45:48,300 --> 00:45:50,619
to Fox about knowing what's going on with

1241
00:45:50,619 --> 00:45:51,119
you,

1242
00:45:51,815 --> 00:45:54,394
that is information you need to take within

1243
00:45:54,454 --> 00:45:56,614
and do some deep thinking about because that's

1244
00:45:56,614 --> 00:45:57,514
very telling.

1245
00:45:57,974 --> 00:45:59,594
Especially when we're talking about

1246
00:46:00,134 --> 00:46:00,634
negotiated

1247
00:46:00,934 --> 00:46:02,694
power exchange relations where we're trying to have

1248
00:46:02,694 --> 00:46:04,650
this dynamic. And that doesn't mean that it's

1249
00:46:04,889 --> 00:46:06,730
romantic or sexual or you're about to get

1250
00:46:06,730 --> 00:46:08,889
married and spend 50 years together. But that

1251
00:46:08,889 --> 00:46:11,369
negotiated power exchange where you your 2 people

1252
00:46:11,369 --> 00:46:13,289
who are depending on one another for your

1253
00:46:13,289 --> 00:46:14,909
roles in some way,

1254
00:46:16,489 --> 00:46:18,434
each side of the slash should give a

1255
00:46:18,515 --> 00:46:20,675
fuck what's going on with the other one,

1256
00:46:20,675 --> 00:46:23,315
especially what's gonna interfere with your relationship, your

1257
00:46:23,315 --> 00:46:25,315
power exchange, your day to day life, however

1258
00:46:25,315 --> 00:46:27,635
you've, you know, you're set up, whatever you're

1259
00:46:27,635 --> 00:46:28,135
doing.

1260
00:46:30,114 --> 00:46:32,500
Yeah. Dom's, you should not be making assumptions

1261
00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:34,980
either. Mm-mm. They should just know I want

1262
00:46:34,980 --> 00:46:35,799
this done.

1263
00:46:36,179 --> 00:46:39,460
The fuck? Did you use your big kid

1264
00:46:39,460 --> 00:46:42,440
words and say this shit? Come on now.

1265
00:46:42,659 --> 00:46:43,859
I'm a said big boy and I was

1266
00:46:43,859 --> 00:46:46,154
like, no. That's an assumption. No. I mean

1267
00:46:46,375 --> 00:46:46,875
Yeah.

1268
00:46:48,134 --> 00:46:50,534
All doms of all genders can be shitty

1269
00:46:50,534 --> 00:46:51,194
at communication.

1270
00:46:52,534 --> 00:46:53,755
We're we're not

1271
00:46:54,454 --> 00:46:56,614
You're not perfect. I know. We're not perfect

1272
00:46:56,614 --> 00:46:58,234
and none of us are born

1273
00:46:58,699 --> 00:47:01,119
with the, you know, ability to communicate.

1274
00:47:02,460 --> 00:47:03,359
It's a skill.

1275
00:47:03,659 --> 00:47:06,059
Yeah. It's a skill. It's a skill. It's

1276
00:47:06,059 --> 00:47:08,059
a muscle that you need to exercise. And

1277
00:47:08,059 --> 00:47:10,159
based on how you were raised,

1278
00:47:10,635 --> 00:47:12,795
the life experiences you have, the things we'll

1279
00:47:12,795 --> 00:47:14,554
talk about in this the next section coming

1280
00:47:14,554 --> 00:47:16,175
up, the bad tapes, the triggers,

1281
00:47:17,114 --> 00:47:19,594
that can make it more difficult to do.

1282
00:47:19,594 --> 00:47:21,215
That can mean it takes you

1283
00:47:21,594 --> 00:47:23,130
more effort to do it. It takes you

1284
00:47:23,130 --> 00:47:25,130
longer to learn the skills and to unlearn

1285
00:47:25,130 --> 00:47:26,969
the shit you went through and to work

1286
00:47:26,969 --> 00:47:28,109
through all of that.

1287
00:47:28,809 --> 00:47:30,409
But that does not mean you get to

1288
00:47:30,409 --> 00:47:31,630
abdicate the responsibility

1289
00:47:32,250 --> 00:47:35,150
of working on your shit. Right? Like, yeah,

1290
00:47:35,289 --> 00:47:37,965
people did shit to you and they suck.

1291
00:47:38,765 --> 00:47:40,445
You're living in the here and now with

1292
00:47:40,445 --> 00:47:41,505
this other person

1293
00:47:41,805 --> 00:47:44,844
and you are responsible for how you handle

1294
00:47:44,844 --> 00:47:45,344
yourself.

1295
00:47:45,805 --> 00:47:48,945
And it's gonna be rough until it's not.

1296
00:47:49,244 --> 00:47:52,099
It's gonna kinda suck and be stressful

1297
00:47:53,039 --> 00:47:54,260
and scary and

1298
00:47:54,559 --> 00:47:55,059
hard

1299
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,320
until it's not. And that until that length

1300
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,119
of time is dependent on things that almost

1301
00:48:01,119 --> 00:48:03,039
nobody can control because it's the type of

1302
00:48:03,039 --> 00:48:05,140
partner you have. It's the skills they have.

1303
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:08,984
I, once I felt safe, JB learned that

1304
00:48:08,984 --> 00:48:10,684
I will really tell you everything.

1305
00:48:11,304 --> 00:48:13,545
And that's wrong. Right. But what that

1306
00:48:15,224 --> 00:48:15,964
by me

1307
00:48:16,264 --> 00:48:16,764
strengthening

1308
00:48:17,065 --> 00:48:19,484
communication skills that I had, I was just,

1309
00:48:19,579 --> 00:48:21,579
I'd had it kind of like pushed out

1310
00:48:21,579 --> 00:48:23,500
of me and I never felt safe using

1311
00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:26,380
them. Once I felt safe, I got strong

1312
00:48:26,380 --> 00:48:28,300
enough to pull it out of him. I'll

1313
00:48:28,300 --> 00:48:30,139
be the first one to stand toe to

1314
00:48:30,139 --> 00:48:31,980
toe with him and call him on his

1315
00:48:31,980 --> 00:48:32,480
bullshit.

1316
00:48:33,099 --> 00:48:35,414
I know something's going on with you, and

1317
00:48:35,414 --> 00:48:37,894
it's impacting us. So you don't get to

1318
00:48:37,894 --> 00:48:39,494
just sit over there by yourself with it

1319
00:48:39,494 --> 00:48:42,135
anymore. When it's not impacting us and you

1320
00:48:42,135 --> 00:48:44,454
need to process and, you know, that's different.

1321
00:48:44,454 --> 00:48:47,114
But it's now affecting the us over here.

1322
00:48:47,175 --> 00:48:49,015
We're gonna talk about it. I can do

1323
00:48:49,015 --> 00:48:52,199
that because we trust one another. Mhmm. I

1324
00:48:52,199 --> 00:48:54,119
worked on my communication skills, and I have

1325
00:48:54,119 --> 00:48:55,820
dragged this man along. Okay?

1326
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,719
He was really from from the beginning, he

1327
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:01,260
was really good at communicating

1328
00:49:01,559 --> 00:49:03,074
power exchange and consent

1329
00:49:03,635 --> 00:49:05,635
and checking in with me and keeping us

1330
00:49:05,635 --> 00:49:06,775
as safe as possible.

1331
00:49:07,074 --> 00:49:09,175
But when it comes to his own feelings,

1332
00:49:11,155 --> 00:49:13,394
we're still working on that. Yeah. And we've

1333
00:49:13,394 --> 00:49:15,335
been together how long? Mhmm.

1334
00:49:15,635 --> 00:49:17,909
So it's gonna take the amount of time

1335
00:49:17,909 --> 00:49:19,989
it takes, but you don't get to, like,

1336
00:49:19,989 --> 00:49:21,690
just throw your hands up and go,

1337
00:49:22,070 --> 00:49:24,309
not my responsibility. Look how many years I

1338
00:49:24,309 --> 00:49:27,510
have to unlearn. True. Exactly. Yeah. Which leads,

1339
00:49:27,510 --> 00:49:28,710
if you don't have anything else you wanna

1340
00:49:28,710 --> 00:49:30,985
talk about, with assumptions right into our final

1341
00:49:30,985 --> 00:49:31,965
topic, which is

1342
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:33,385
the biggest, baddest.

1343
00:49:34,025 --> 00:49:36,204
It's usually the toughest. It is the

1344
00:49:36,585 --> 00:49:39,144
thing that will fuck up your assumptions. It

1345
00:49:39,144 --> 00:49:40,985
might fuck up your frenzy. It'll it can

1346
00:49:40,985 --> 00:49:42,664
fuck up your mind. It'll fuck up everything.

1347
00:49:42,664 --> 00:49:44,609
It'll stuff. Fuck up a scene. We've been

1348
00:49:44,609 --> 00:49:45,589
there too.

1349
00:49:46,289 --> 00:49:49,190
So there's triggers in the psychological

1350
00:49:49,650 --> 00:49:51,730
sense of triggers. Yes. And then there's what

1351
00:49:51,730 --> 00:49:53,029
we call bad tapes.

1352
00:49:53,409 --> 00:49:55,809
So triggers are the things that when they

1353
00:49:55,809 --> 00:49:56,309
occur,

1354
00:49:56,835 --> 00:49:59,335
they bring you back usually, like, a PTSD

1355
00:49:59,394 --> 00:50:00,914
kind of thing. They bring you back to

1356
00:50:00,914 --> 00:50:02,775
a moment in time where you were traumatized,

1357
00:50:02,914 --> 00:50:05,094
and it's like you're in that moment again.

1358
00:50:05,554 --> 00:50:08,675
I get that with loud voices and yelling.

1359
00:50:08,675 --> 00:50:08,880
It's

1360
00:50:10,079 --> 00:50:12,719
yelling and anger specifically, but on a bad

1361
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:14,799
day, just a loud voice will be enough,

1362
00:50:14,799 --> 00:50:15,619
and I'm like,

1363
00:50:16,079 --> 00:50:17,619
I'm not functioning well.

1364
00:50:18,559 --> 00:50:21,039
Bad tapes is an expression that JB taught

1365
00:50:21,039 --> 00:50:23,759
me. So please, JB, explain what a bad

1366
00:50:23,759 --> 00:50:24,284
tape is.

1367
00:50:25,324 --> 00:50:27,005
We do have an episode on it. Yeah.

1368
00:50:27,005 --> 00:50:28,224
God, it's been a while.

1369
00:50:29,005 --> 00:50:31,405
A bad tape is is something that you

1370
00:50:31,405 --> 00:50:32,385
have learned

1371
00:50:33,565 --> 00:50:35,664
that then becomes hard coded

1372
00:50:36,605 --> 00:50:37,344
in your

1373
00:50:38,909 --> 00:50:40,210
memory, your core

1374
00:50:40,589 --> 00:50:42,210
of of who you are

1375
00:50:43,630 --> 00:50:45,089
and then unfortunately

1376
00:50:45,550 --> 00:50:47,730
turns out to not be a good thing

1377
00:50:48,989 --> 00:50:51,969
that can cause you problems later on. Mhmm.

1378
00:50:52,425 --> 00:50:52,925
Alright?

1379
00:50:55,385 --> 00:50:57,704
I had pretty big share of bad tapes

1380
00:50:57,704 --> 00:51:00,824
when came into Lord, I've been trying to

1381
00:51:00,824 --> 00:51:02,585
be kind of rewind on those bad tapes

1382
00:51:02,744 --> 00:51:05,085
Yep. Since day 1. Yeah.

1383
00:51:05,385 --> 00:51:06,125
You know,

1384
00:51:06,860 --> 00:51:09,260
the bad tapes are are are one thing,

1385
00:51:09,260 --> 00:51:10,460
you know, yeah, they're

1386
00:51:11,420 --> 00:51:13,820
the the thing with the bad tapes is

1387
00:51:13,820 --> 00:51:14,960
they can be

1388
00:51:16,460 --> 00:51:18,860
erased and overwritten. Mhmm. Takes a while though.

1389
00:51:18,860 --> 00:51:19,679
Takes a while.

1390
00:51:19,985 --> 00:51:20,565
The bad

1391
00:51:20,945 --> 00:51:22,085
tapes you experienced

1392
00:51:22,465 --> 00:51:23,765
that you and I have

1393
00:51:24,625 --> 00:51:26,804
we still sometimes are working through it. Mhmm.

1394
00:51:27,025 --> 00:51:28,085
1 was financial.

1395
00:51:28,864 --> 00:51:30,304
He had gone through some stuff in a

1396
00:51:30,304 --> 00:51:31,284
previous relationship.

1397
00:51:31,664 --> 00:51:34,465
And when it felt like this felt similar

1398
00:51:34,465 --> 00:51:36,679
to what he'd gone through, he would react

1399
00:51:36,820 --> 00:51:38,579
as if he was it's a little bit

1400
00:51:38,579 --> 00:51:40,739
like a trigger in that sense. You you're

1401
00:51:40,739 --> 00:51:42,500
like, oh, I'm back here again. I know

1402
00:51:42,500 --> 00:51:43,780
what you're gonna do because I know what

1403
00:51:43,780 --> 00:51:45,780
they did. And I had to go And

1404
00:51:45,780 --> 00:51:47,460
it was because in in that in that

1405
00:51:47,460 --> 00:51:50,694
past relationship, when had financial problem, partner came

1406
00:51:50,694 --> 00:51:51,994
and said, well, you know,

1407
00:51:52,375 --> 00:51:54,135
it's all on you. You fig you you

1408
00:51:54,135 --> 00:51:55,535
figure it out. Can I tell you that

1409
00:51:55,655 --> 00:51:57,755
now that was that's been fascinating? So I

1410
00:51:58,135 --> 00:52:00,454
we're we don't like that person for many

1411
00:52:00,454 --> 00:52:02,315
reasons, and that's one of them. But,

1412
00:52:04,054 --> 00:52:04,554
the

1413
00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:05,539
strangeness

1414
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:07,519
of we were going through I think it

1415
00:52:07,519 --> 00:52:09,760
was the 1st financial bullshit we went through.

1416
00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:11,039
Mhmm. And I was like, okay. So what

1417
00:52:11,039 --> 00:52:12,980
are we gonna do about it? And he

1418
00:52:13,119 --> 00:52:15,140
he went, we? I'm like,

1419
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:16,900
yeah? Partnership?

1420
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:17,780
Team?

1421
00:52:18,474 --> 00:52:21,275
Married? Like, what the fuck? Yeah. We. What

1422
00:52:21,275 --> 00:52:23,195
are we gonna do about this? We need

1423
00:52:23,195 --> 00:52:25,375
to sit down and figure this out. And

1424
00:52:25,594 --> 00:52:26,655
it's heartbreaking

1425
00:52:27,034 --> 00:52:28,974
when a person you love and adore

1426
00:52:29,514 --> 00:52:30,014
says

1427
00:52:30,714 --> 00:52:31,695
thanks you,

1428
00:52:32,039 --> 00:52:34,920
Literally said thank you to me for doing

1429
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:38,460
what is the the basics of, like, decent

1430
00:52:38,599 --> 00:52:39,099
relationshiping.

1431
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,219
Right? Like, I'm his fucking partner.

1432
00:52:43,559 --> 00:52:45,260
I like to eat too.

1433
00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:48,264
Anybody with eyes can tell. I will help

1434
00:52:48,264 --> 00:52:50,585
you fix this. We will figure this out

1435
00:52:50,585 --> 00:52:51,085
together.

1436
00:52:53,144 --> 00:52:54,824
Now, one of the things you always call

1437
00:52:54,824 --> 00:52:55,864
bad tapes, we're not going to go into

1438
00:52:55,864 --> 00:52:58,184
details because that's his personal business, I think

1439
00:52:58,184 --> 00:52:59,005
is a trigger.

1440
00:52:59,385 --> 00:53:00,525
So same relationship,

1441
00:53:01,224 --> 00:53:02,730
parenting step stepchildren,

1442
00:53:04,230 --> 00:53:06,650
shit went down. We're not talking about it.

1443
00:53:07,590 --> 00:53:10,630
The moment the oldest, the now 19 year

1444
00:53:10,630 --> 00:53:13,110
old child in college living on his own

1445
00:53:13,110 --> 00:53:16,650
as a fully functioning, mostly healthy young adult,

1446
00:53:17,190 --> 00:53:19,065
when that child hit his teens,

1447
00:53:20,005 --> 00:53:21,144
I know why some

1448
00:53:21,525 --> 00:53:22,824
animals eat their young.

1449
00:53:24,644 --> 00:53:25,144
This

1450
00:53:25,684 --> 00:53:26,184
loving,

1451
00:53:26,965 --> 00:53:27,465
kind,

1452
00:53:28,644 --> 00:53:29,785
decent man

1453
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:32,000
was and I do mean I think you

1454
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:32,820
were triggered.

1455
00:53:33,519 --> 00:53:34,420
And it

1456
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,219
we had to all go through that together

1457
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:37,940
where

1458
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:38,739
I

1459
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,519
was the I don't like being the mediator

1460
00:53:41,519 --> 00:53:42,019
between

1461
00:53:42,494 --> 00:53:44,414
them, but I was you were if it's

1462
00:53:44,414 --> 00:53:46,894
what you the time I'm thinking about There

1463
00:53:46,894 --> 00:53:48,574
were many times. Well, they're the one in

1464
00:53:48,574 --> 00:53:49,795
particular, but yeah.

1465
00:53:50,174 --> 00:53:52,275
But what we, again, did together

1466
00:53:52,815 --> 00:53:54,894
Yeah. For him to work through that was

1467
00:53:54,894 --> 00:53:56,835
he had to unlearn some stuff.

1468
00:53:57,289 --> 00:53:59,929
He had to see that I was not

1469
00:53:59,929 --> 00:54:01,230
like a previous partner.

1470
00:54:01,769 --> 00:54:03,070
He had to experience

1471
00:54:03,530 --> 00:54:05,609
what it meant to deal with that child

1472
00:54:05,609 --> 00:54:06,589
who was not

1473
00:54:06,889 --> 00:54:09,289
these other people from his past. And that

1474
00:54:09,289 --> 00:54:11,114
is a process that you can't skip over,

1475
00:54:11,114 --> 00:54:13,594
go around, go under, go you're going through

1476
00:54:13,594 --> 00:54:15,675
it. And it was it was hard for

1477
00:54:15,675 --> 00:54:16,815
everybody. Yeah.

1478
00:54:17,675 --> 00:54:20,494
The the thing that has been really gratifying

1479
00:54:21,275 --> 00:54:23,114
is that you made it through that. You're

1480
00:54:23,114 --> 00:54:24,875
a better parent for it. You have a

1481
00:54:24,875 --> 00:54:27,269
good relationship with the oldest, and this is

1482
00:54:27,269 --> 00:54:28,250
my favorite part,

1483
00:54:28,710 --> 00:54:30,469
when you can learn new things and actually,

1484
00:54:30,469 --> 00:54:32,390
like, have it stick. Yeah. It's made you

1485
00:54:32,390 --> 00:54:34,570
a better parent for the youngest. Youngest. Yeah.

1486
00:54:35,829 --> 00:54:36,329
So,

1487
00:54:36,630 --> 00:54:38,789
you know, those and the thing is with

1488
00:54:38,789 --> 00:54:40,170
bad tapes and triggers,

1489
00:54:40,514 --> 00:54:43,014
they're not gonna be power exchange specific

1490
00:54:43,394 --> 00:54:43,894
necessarily.

1491
00:54:44,355 --> 00:54:46,434
They can be. There is abuse, and there

1492
00:54:46,434 --> 00:54:49,714
are Mhmm. Traumas that occur in power exchange

1493
00:54:49,714 --> 00:54:51,875
that if you choose to do power exchange

1494
00:54:51,875 --> 00:54:54,114
again, you're gonna carry with you, and that's

1495
00:54:54,114 --> 00:54:55,440
gonna have to be worked through in some

1496
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:57,139
way. But it's just the

1497
00:54:57,519 --> 00:55:00,239
the stuff of living. Like, it's and you're

1498
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:01,519
gonna have to deal with it, and it's

1499
00:55:01,519 --> 00:55:02,019
gonna

1500
00:55:03,119 --> 00:55:04,960
get in the way sometimes of power exchange

1501
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:05,280
when he

1502
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,480
so and and I do not use the

1503
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:09,625
term lightly. It

1504
00:55:10,265 --> 00:55:11,644
yelling in anger

1505
00:55:12,105 --> 00:55:14,905
is a trigger. Not every time, but man,

1506
00:55:14,905 --> 00:55:16,605
when it is, it's bad.

1507
00:55:17,385 --> 00:55:20,664
So it was an absolute delight to realize

1508
00:55:20,664 --> 00:55:22,125
that Italian families

1509
00:55:22,425 --> 00:55:22,925
stereotypically

1510
00:55:23,545 --> 00:55:25,469
and in the most cliche sense,

1511
00:55:26,489 --> 00:55:28,910
yell at one another and call it love.

1512
00:55:29,930 --> 00:55:32,969
The first time I walked into Just speak

1513
00:55:32,969 --> 00:55:34,590
loud. No. It's aggressive.

1514
00:55:34,969 --> 00:55:35,469
Okay?

1515
00:55:36,329 --> 00:55:38,910
As a person who hates conflict and confrontation,

1516
00:55:39,690 --> 00:55:40,430
who is

1517
00:55:40,805 --> 00:55:43,925
very upset by loud angry voices, that is

1518
00:55:43,925 --> 00:55:44,425
aggressive.

1519
00:55:44,724 --> 00:55:46,644
I don't always know the difference between aggressive

1520
00:55:46,644 --> 00:55:47,385
and anger.

1521
00:55:48,325 --> 00:55:49,625
So that was my dad.

1522
00:55:50,085 --> 00:55:52,345
It was very stressful to go

1523
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:54,599
to that part of your family and just

1524
00:55:54,599 --> 00:55:57,480
be there. You experienced that a yeah. 1

1525
00:55:57,559 --> 00:56:00,039
yeah. And that was not anybody's problem. That

1526
00:56:00,039 --> 00:56:01,480
was my own problem. I have to handle

1527
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:02,920
it myself. I gotta deal with it. My

1528
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,359
you know, I gotta figure my way out

1529
00:56:04,359 --> 00:56:05,819
through it. But the first

1530
00:56:06,599 --> 00:56:07,099
time

1531
00:56:09,744 --> 00:56:11,985
we were living together, but it had to

1532
00:56:11,985 --> 00:56:14,324
have been fairly early days because we've

1533
00:56:14,704 --> 00:56:18,065
fought like regular people fight. Rarely, but we've

1534
00:56:18,065 --> 00:56:20,704
we've had bad ones. Yeah. The first I

1535
00:56:20,704 --> 00:56:22,224
don't remember what it was about. The first

1536
00:56:22,224 --> 00:56:23,880
real bad fight we ever had,

1537
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:25,259
you yelled.

1538
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:27,319
You would have probably told me you were

1539
00:56:27,319 --> 00:56:27,819
speaking

1540
00:56:28,519 --> 00:56:31,099
Italian in a loving way. Italianese.

1541
00:56:32,759 --> 00:56:34,679
But I know what being yelled at feels

1542
00:56:34,679 --> 00:56:35,980
like, and I

1543
00:56:37,034 --> 00:56:39,275
lost my shit. It it did not go

1544
00:56:39,275 --> 00:56:40,255
over to hell.

1545
00:56:41,434 --> 00:56:43,994
Everybody handles their own thing in their own

1546
00:56:43,994 --> 00:56:45,534
way, and there are times

1547
00:56:45,835 --> 00:56:47,674
when I get upset, whether it's a bad

1548
00:56:47,674 --> 00:56:47,835
tape or an actual, psychologically speaking, trigger, I

1549
00:56:47,835 --> 00:56:48,414
shut down, just complete shut

1550
00:56:49,034 --> 00:56:49,534
down.

1551
00:56:50,219 --> 00:56:53,119
Speaking, trigger, I shut down. Just complete shutdown.

1552
00:56:54,380 --> 00:56:56,639
Sometimes I melt down. And I

1553
00:56:57,739 --> 00:56:59,340
forgot I probably forgot my own name, but

1554
00:56:59,340 --> 00:57:01,119
I certainly forgot I was a submissive.

1555
00:57:01,579 --> 00:57:04,234
And I that was screaming. That was unhinged

1556
00:57:04,295 --> 00:57:06,214
if you walked into it with no context

1557
00:57:06,214 --> 00:57:07,494
and didn't know what I was going through,

1558
00:57:07,494 --> 00:57:09,255
and JB did not know what I was

1559
00:57:09,255 --> 00:57:12,694
going through. Mhmm. I was screaming. And was

1560
00:57:12,694 --> 00:57:14,614
I proud of it? No. Did I have

1561
00:57:14,614 --> 00:57:16,809
to apologize for it later? Yes. But did

1562
00:57:16,809 --> 00:57:19,130
we also, once we got through that moment

1563
00:57:19,130 --> 00:57:20,969
and the apologies were made and we were

1564
00:57:20,969 --> 00:57:23,049
back on an even keel, we had worked

1565
00:57:23,049 --> 00:57:24,190
through that moment.

1566
00:57:24,489 --> 00:57:25,929
Did we have to sit down and for

1567
00:57:25,929 --> 00:57:26,750
me to go,

1568
00:57:27,849 --> 00:57:28,589
oh, yeah.

1569
00:57:29,530 --> 00:57:31,414
I I thought that I was over this.

1570
00:57:31,414 --> 00:57:33,255
I thought we would never fight like this.

1571
00:57:33,255 --> 00:57:34,635
I didn't imagine

1572
00:57:35,175 --> 00:57:36,695
that you would do a thing that could

1573
00:57:36,695 --> 00:57:37,594
trigger me because

1574
00:57:37,894 --> 00:57:40,554
new relationship energy will lie to you. Yep.

1575
00:57:41,175 --> 00:57:43,034
Yeah. And if you are

1576
00:57:44,019 --> 00:57:45,940
the type of people who don't really argue

1577
00:57:45,940 --> 00:57:47,539
much or you certainly don't get into air

1578
00:57:47,539 --> 00:57:49,159
quote fights with a partner,

1579
00:57:49,699 --> 00:57:52,500
you might not notice certain things right away

1580
00:57:52,500 --> 00:57:54,759
because they're just not happening. Right? I've

1581
00:57:55,139 --> 00:57:56,759
created a life for myself

1582
00:57:57,085 --> 00:57:59,164
that it I tend to keep it low

1583
00:57:59,164 --> 00:58:01,344
key, low conflict, low confrontation.

1584
00:58:02,445 --> 00:58:04,765
I just like it that way. So I'm

1585
00:58:04,765 --> 00:58:06,684
not gonna have a partner who's picking fights

1586
00:58:06,684 --> 00:58:08,925
all day long because no. Thank you. Okay?

1587
00:58:08,925 --> 00:58:11,309
That is not the exposure therapy I'm going

1588
00:58:11,309 --> 00:58:11,809
through.

1589
00:58:12,990 --> 00:58:15,150
So for us to finally, after all this

1590
00:58:15,150 --> 00:58:17,869
time, we had disagreements. We had tiffs. But

1591
00:58:17,869 --> 00:58:19,010
to have like a

1592
00:58:19,309 --> 00:58:20,289
yelling match

1593
00:58:20,590 --> 00:58:22,815
where he was so pissed, he was actually

1594
00:58:23,114 --> 00:58:24,094
actually yelling.

1595
00:58:24,954 --> 00:58:25,855
And I

1596
00:58:26,394 --> 00:58:28,815
had that moment, you know,

1597
00:58:29,195 --> 00:58:30,635
that was a big deal but it wasn't

1598
00:58:30,635 --> 00:58:33,375
something I could prepare for. And I

1599
00:58:35,470 --> 00:58:38,430
did not had had I didn't understand until

1600
00:58:38,430 --> 00:58:39,950
that moment because of the things I'd been

1601
00:58:39,950 --> 00:58:42,269
learning about and, you know, information I've been

1602
00:58:42,269 --> 00:58:43,950
taking in, what was even happening. But the

1603
00:58:43,950 --> 00:58:45,390
moment it happened with him and then I

1604
00:58:45,390 --> 00:58:47,869
had to I I I understood what I

1605
00:58:47,869 --> 00:58:49,635
was going through. I realized I could think

1606
00:58:49,635 --> 00:58:51,335
back to all the times that had happened

1607
00:58:51,394 --> 00:58:53,795
in the past Mhmm. Because it's so out

1608
00:58:53,795 --> 00:58:56,195
of character the way I act Yeah. When

1609
00:58:56,195 --> 00:58:59,155
that happens to me. The shutdown's real not

1610
00:58:59,155 --> 00:59:02,429
strange to anybody else. Oh. Yeah. BG just

1611
00:59:02,429 --> 00:59:04,829
got real fucking quiet and is not looking

1612
00:59:04,829 --> 00:59:06,510
at anybody and has gone into a dark

1613
00:59:06,510 --> 00:59:07,409
room by herself.

1614
00:59:08,109 --> 00:59:10,429
Okay. Houston, we have a problem. But but

1615
00:59:10,429 --> 00:59:10,929
okay.

1616
00:59:11,789 --> 00:59:13,089
BG is screaming

1617
00:59:13,389 --> 00:59:14,609
like a maniac,

1618
00:59:15,389 --> 00:59:15,889
like

1619
00:59:16,349 --> 00:59:18,265
frothing at mouth screaming something,

1620
00:59:19,045 --> 00:59:19,864
is wrong.

1621
00:59:20,485 --> 00:59:22,344
And that's really rare for me.

1622
00:59:23,285 --> 00:59:24,965
And it's a thing that now I think

1623
00:59:24,965 --> 00:59:26,885
in all the years we've been together, I

1624
00:59:26,885 --> 00:59:29,684
think, twice, maybe, maybe times. And they were

1625
00:59:29,684 --> 00:59:31,765
like the worst fights we'd ever had, where

1626
00:59:31,765 --> 00:59:33,170
we were at our

1627
00:59:33,469 --> 00:59:35,969
mutually worst set. Not our best at all.

1628
00:59:37,309 --> 00:59:39,949
Some bad tapes triggers you will know you

1629
00:59:39,949 --> 00:59:41,730
have because you've had the experience.

1630
00:59:42,429 --> 00:59:45,069
Some will creep up on you. Mhmm. Some,

1631
00:59:45,069 --> 00:59:46,909
especially in a bad tape kind of situation,

1632
00:59:46,909 --> 00:59:48,585
I can't speak to triggers because I'm not,

1633
00:59:48,585 --> 00:59:50,905
like, medically qualified. But I know in bad

1634
00:59:50,905 --> 00:59:52,744
tapes, there'll be things you'll tell yourself. Well,

1635
00:59:52,744 --> 00:59:55,065
I'm over that. I know JB is not

1636
00:59:55,065 --> 00:59:57,784
like that motherfucker over there. And then you'll

1637
00:59:57,784 --> 00:59:59,945
find yourself in a situation, and you'll be

1638
00:59:59,945 --> 01:00:02,200
like, I remember what this feels like. I

1639
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:03,880
know what and you go back to making

1640
01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:06,300
assumptions. I know what's gonna happen next.

1641
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:09,099
You don't, though. It's a different person,

1642
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:12,360
and, hopefully, it's a better person. It's power

1643
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:14,440
exchange when probably the last time was fucking

1644
01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:15,340
vanilla anyway.

1645
01:00:15,724 --> 01:00:17,644
And you don't know what's gonna happen, but

1646
01:00:17,644 --> 01:00:19,244
your body and your brain sort of take

1647
01:00:19,244 --> 01:00:21,644
over and you react and respond like you

1648
01:00:21,644 --> 01:00:23,905
do, and now it's all going to shit.

1649
01:00:24,045 --> 01:00:25,804
And and I'm just gonna add add one

1650
01:00:25,804 --> 01:00:27,585
little quick thing to all this,

1651
01:00:28,364 --> 01:00:30,224
with the triggers and the bad tapes.

1652
01:00:31,005 --> 01:00:33,039
The the triggers and bad tapes, yeah,

1653
01:00:33,420 --> 01:00:33,920
absolutely.

1654
01:00:35,099 --> 01:00:37,099
But there's I I I think there's one

1655
01:00:37,099 --> 01:00:38,400
thing that should be added

1656
01:00:39,019 --> 01:00:41,519
to that little caveat. Okay. Landmines.

1657
01:00:42,860 --> 01:00:45,355
Yes. Okay? Which are a little bit like

1658
01:00:45,355 --> 01:00:47,194
bad tapes and triggers. They're they're they're like

1659
01:00:47,194 --> 01:00:49,594
bad tapes and triggers, but here here's what

1660
01:00:49,594 --> 01:00:51,694
what the thing is, you know, sometimes

1661
01:00:53,034 --> 01:00:55,835
you know what your triggers are. Alright? Many

1662
01:00:55,835 --> 01:00:57,630
people know what their triggers are, and that's

1663
01:00:57,630 --> 01:00:59,069
why they asked me to come through some

1664
01:00:59,069 --> 01:01:00,690
shit. You've gone through some shit.

1665
01:01:01,869 --> 01:01:04,210
We had a situation one time where

1666
01:01:05,389 --> 01:01:06,769
I hit a trigger that

1667
01:01:07,630 --> 01:01:10,545
neither of us knew about. No. Yeah. Okay?

1668
01:01:10,605 --> 01:01:12,545
And that's how I kinda termed it landmine.

1669
01:01:12,925 --> 01:01:14,525
Yeah. It's a little bit what it feels

1670
01:01:14,525 --> 01:01:16,605
like. Because in in in the middle of

1671
01:01:16,605 --> 01:01:19,485
the scene, stepped on it, and poof, everything

1672
01:01:19,485 --> 01:01:21,485
blew up. And it was surprising forever. And

1673
01:01:21,485 --> 01:01:23,005
it's Right. Yeah. You don't even know how

1674
01:01:23,005 --> 01:01:24,605
to respond because you didn't know that was

1675
01:01:24,605 --> 01:01:26,170
a you were gonna have to respond to.

1676
01:01:26,170 --> 01:01:26,910
So, you know,

1677
01:01:27,289 --> 01:01:28,750
the triggers, bad tapes,

1678
01:01:29,130 --> 01:01:29,630
landmines.

1679
01:01:30,170 --> 01:01:32,570
There there could very well be hidden triggers

1680
01:01:32,570 --> 01:01:35,309
somewhere. Mhmm. And and, you know, that's something

1681
01:01:35,449 --> 01:01:36,824
to be aware of.

1682
01:01:37,224 --> 01:01:39,324
Mhmm. Yeah. And, you know,

1683
01:01:41,464 --> 01:01:43,704
you can't prevent all of those things. No.

1684
01:01:43,704 --> 01:01:46,425
You know? You can you can be a

1685
01:01:46,425 --> 01:01:47,704
little bit like me and sort of set

1686
01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:49,304
your life up in a way that you

1687
01:01:49,304 --> 01:01:51,304
prevent most of them, but you can't prevent

1688
01:01:51,304 --> 01:01:52,380
all of them. Yeah.

1689
01:01:52,859 --> 01:01:54,460
So you have to do something about them.

1690
01:01:54,460 --> 01:01:56,639
So as the person who they're happening to,

1691
01:01:56,779 --> 01:01:58,779
if it's available to you and it's the

1692
01:01:58,779 --> 01:02:00,000
right choice for you,

1693
01:02:00,380 --> 01:02:01,599
working with a professional

1694
01:02:02,059 --> 01:02:03,679
to to do what you can

1695
01:02:04,380 --> 01:02:06,139
to get the you know, some level of

1696
01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:07,574
help to to

1697
01:02:08,195 --> 01:02:09,275
I don't wanna say deal with it. I

1698
01:02:09,275 --> 01:02:10,275
don't even wanna say work through it. I

1699
01:02:10,275 --> 01:02:12,054
don't know what the right expression is. But

1700
01:02:12,434 --> 01:02:14,114
but to not go through that part alone

1701
01:02:14,114 --> 01:02:15,735
and have somebody who's a professional

1702
01:02:16,755 --> 01:02:18,355
work with you on it Yeah. That if

1703
01:02:18,355 --> 01:02:19,875
that is an option for you, please please

1704
01:02:19,875 --> 01:02:22,210
take it. Mhmm. Absolutely. The best, like, 2

1705
01:02:22,210 --> 01:02:24,369
years of my mental health was when I

1706
01:02:24,369 --> 01:02:25,190
was in therapy.

1707
01:02:26,050 --> 01:02:27,650
And I got a greater understanding of myself,

1708
01:02:27,650 --> 01:02:28,550
and that was wonderful.

1709
01:02:28,890 --> 01:02:29,390
The

1710
01:02:29,969 --> 01:02:32,449
other than that, though, you were in this

1711
01:02:32,449 --> 01:02:34,769
relationship. This is a power exchange. And depending

1712
01:02:34,769 --> 01:02:36,525
on how your power exchange is set up,

1713
01:02:36,605 --> 01:02:37,984
there could be very strict

1714
01:02:38,525 --> 01:02:41,244
elements to it that Yeah. You each want

1715
01:02:41,244 --> 01:02:43,244
to follow kinda to the letter, and there's

1716
01:02:43,244 --> 01:02:45,264
a way that you each expect the other

1717
01:02:45,484 --> 01:02:47,804
to behave. And when bad tapes and triggers

1718
01:02:47,804 --> 01:02:48,464
and landmines

1719
01:02:49,324 --> 01:02:49,824
happen,

1720
01:02:50,204 --> 01:02:50,944
it will

1721
01:02:51,719 --> 01:02:55,000
often, maybe always, but definitely often throw you

1722
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:57,079
completely out of your dynamic, whether it's for

1723
01:02:57,079 --> 01:02:59,099
30 seconds or if it's longer.

1724
01:02:59,559 --> 01:03:00,059
So

1725
01:03:00,679 --> 01:03:04,059
there's an aftermath. Right? There's after the screaming.

1726
01:03:04,199 --> 01:03:07,114
There's after the argument. There's after the whatever.

1727
01:03:07,815 --> 01:03:09,255
The amount of times I I will not

1728
01:03:09,255 --> 01:03:11,494
say the person's name, but his had a

1729
01:03:11,494 --> 01:03:12,934
bad tape, and I've looked at him and

1730
01:03:12,934 --> 01:03:14,775
gone, my name is not fill in the

1731
01:03:14,775 --> 01:03:16,055
blank with that person Yeah.

1732
01:03:16,454 --> 01:03:18,054
To kinda bring him out of it. Like,

1733
01:03:18,054 --> 01:03:19,974
woah. Woah. Woah. You're dealing with mean. Yep.

1734
01:03:19,974 --> 01:03:21,114
Not that one. Right?

1735
01:03:21,829 --> 01:03:24,329
There's the there's the moment, and then there's

1736
01:03:24,869 --> 01:03:27,590
when everything's calmed down. Right? Yeah. It's the

1737
01:03:27,670 --> 01:03:30,309
when things calm down enough that you do

1738
01:03:30,309 --> 01:03:31,989
need to talk about it. Oh, yeah. What

1739
01:03:31,989 --> 01:03:34,230
happened? Is there can I can I help?

1740
01:03:34,230 --> 01:03:35,605
Mhmm. Is there anything I can do for

1741
01:03:35,605 --> 01:03:37,684
you? Right. Is do we need to work

1742
01:03:37,765 --> 01:03:39,305
do we need to renegotiate

1743
01:03:39,765 --> 01:03:42,005
some element of what we're doing to avoid

1744
01:03:42,005 --> 01:03:43,565
this? Yeah. You know, do you need me

1745
01:03:43,565 --> 01:03:45,285
to call somebody for your like, you've got

1746
01:03:45,285 --> 01:03:47,204
to you've got to have a conversation. Right.

1747
01:03:47,204 --> 01:03:48,885
And and, you know, that's that's what we

1748
01:03:48,885 --> 01:03:51,559
did. Knew at the moment when it happened,

1749
01:03:51,559 --> 01:03:53,079
that was not the time to have the

1750
01:03:53,079 --> 01:03:54,539
the conversation. Nope.

1751
01:03:55,719 --> 01:03:58,920
I went in immediately into aftercare mode. Yeah.

1752
01:03:58,920 --> 01:03:59,739
Which was

1753
01:04:00,440 --> 01:04:01,994
usually a time when I'm, like, wave me

1754
01:04:02,075 --> 01:04:02,575
out

1755
01:04:05,835 --> 01:04:08,315
loud. Actually, if I recall both the times

1756
01:04:08,315 --> 01:04:10,414
that I can remember that I was,

1757
01:04:11,275 --> 01:04:13,375
by the definition of the word, triggered Yeah.

1758
01:04:13,755 --> 01:04:15,295
I I was so shocked

1759
01:04:16,059 --> 01:04:18,139
that I reacted that way because it is

1760
01:04:18,139 --> 01:04:20,380
so out of character. It's just not True.

1761
01:04:20,380 --> 01:04:22,619
True. True. That I think I shocked myself

1762
01:04:22,619 --> 01:04:23,359
back into

1763
01:04:24,619 --> 01:04:26,460
not not being triggered. I was still, like,

1764
01:04:26,460 --> 01:04:27,839
like, heart racing, like,

1765
01:04:28,474 --> 01:04:30,235
sighing and, you know, the ways that you

1766
01:04:30,235 --> 01:04:30,974
would sigh,

1767
01:04:31,355 --> 01:04:32,574
not just trying to breathe.

1768
01:04:33,275 --> 01:04:34,255
But, like, I didn't

1769
01:04:35,994 --> 01:04:36,974
I didn't know

1770
01:04:37,594 --> 01:04:38,094
what

1771
01:04:38,954 --> 01:04:41,434
the fuck to do. Mhmm. I it was

1772
01:04:41,594 --> 01:04:43,375
but I also was no longer angry.

1773
01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:46,360
Like, with the moment we both hit that

1774
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:46,860
peak

1775
01:04:47,239 --> 01:04:49,739
and it exploded, I was like Whoop.

1776
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:53,960
What the fuck were we just arguing about?

1777
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:56,599
Because it can't possibly be that important. All

1778
01:04:56,599 --> 01:04:58,215
that shit's out the door right now.

1779
01:04:59,414 --> 01:05:01,494
Just a weird feeling if you've never experienced

1780
01:05:01,494 --> 01:05:03,494
it. Yeah. Yeah. And you do try you

1781
01:05:03,494 --> 01:05:05,735
go into daddy dom mode real real quick

1782
01:05:05,735 --> 01:05:07,894
when I'm the one freaking out. You do

1783
01:05:07,894 --> 01:05:08,635
go into

1784
01:05:10,789 --> 01:05:12,789
I am a strong independent woman, leave me

1785
01:05:12,789 --> 01:05:14,550
alone mode when it happens to you. And

1786
01:05:14,550 --> 01:05:16,570
I'm like, how can I help you, daddy?

1787
01:05:16,630 --> 01:05:18,329
Which look. Sometimes,

1788
01:05:19,670 --> 01:05:21,190
I am a submissive and I love being

1789
01:05:21,190 --> 01:05:24,070
submissive to the right person. Not forever, fucking

1790
01:05:24,070 --> 01:05:26,695
body. But sometimes, there are moments when it

1791
01:05:26,695 --> 01:05:27,195
sucks.

1792
01:05:27,574 --> 01:05:28,474
And it sucks

1793
01:05:28,855 --> 01:05:31,195
when you know that what your dominant partner

1794
01:05:31,255 --> 01:05:31,755
probably

1795
01:05:32,375 --> 01:05:34,635
would benefit from is comfort,

1796
01:05:34,934 --> 01:05:35,755
is help,

1797
01:05:36,135 --> 01:05:39,239
is something. Something that you, as their partner,

1798
01:05:39,239 --> 01:05:42,440
can give them. Now every partner of regardless

1799
01:05:42,440 --> 01:05:43,179
of flavor,

1800
01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:45,260
has the right to say,

1801
01:05:45,559 --> 01:05:46,920
please leave me alone. I don't want your

1802
01:05:46,920 --> 01:05:47,420
help.

1803
01:05:48,119 --> 01:05:50,460
We we all do. That's a consent thing.

1804
01:05:51,074 --> 01:05:51,815
But dumbs

1805
01:05:52,675 --> 01:05:53,974
get to be firm

1806
01:05:54,275 --> 01:05:55,014
in the

1807
01:05:55,394 --> 01:05:57,554
I'm fine, baby girl. Well, no the fuck

1808
01:05:57,554 --> 01:05:58,375
you're not.

1809
01:05:59,554 --> 01:06:01,014
But I respect consent.

1810
01:06:01,554 --> 01:06:02,855
Just let me know

1811
01:06:03,289 --> 01:06:05,050
when you need me, and then I'll just

1812
01:06:05,050 --> 01:06:06,750
glare at them talking to come here.

1813
01:06:07,769 --> 01:06:09,869
I I I give you a little inside

1814
01:06:09,929 --> 01:06:10,909
tips, missus.

1815
01:06:11,530 --> 01:06:12,750
When when they're

1816
01:06:13,530 --> 01:06:15,769
upset and you want to help and they

1817
01:06:15,769 --> 01:06:16,969
are not in a place where they want

1818
01:06:16,969 --> 01:06:17,789
you to help,

1819
01:06:18,335 --> 01:06:19,954
And you are respecting consent.

1820
01:06:20,654 --> 01:06:22,815
Sometimes, not always. It depends on the person,

1821
01:06:22,815 --> 01:06:24,275
but with JB, it works.

1822
01:06:25,694 --> 01:06:28,114
Daddy, I need a hug after that.

1823
01:06:29,534 --> 01:06:32,114
And then you get to provide comfort consensually.

1824
01:06:33,769 --> 01:06:35,289
And I do need a hug because I

1825
01:06:35,289 --> 01:06:36,889
wanna fucking comfort you and I can't. And

1826
01:06:36,889 --> 01:06:38,750
I wanna fix it and I can't. Sneaky.

1827
01:06:39,449 --> 01:06:42,109
That is from me. Me to you.

1828
01:06:43,769 --> 01:06:46,030
It's a sincere hug but

1829
01:06:46,994 --> 01:06:48,755
I don't do fake hugs because I only

1830
01:06:48,755 --> 01:06:50,114
hug you if I I'm like, I really

1831
01:06:50,114 --> 01:06:52,454
have to like you to hug you. But

1832
01:06:55,394 --> 01:06:57,954
yeah. The I feel like we're ending on

1833
01:06:57,954 --> 01:07:00,534
the darkest one. Mhmm. Because

1834
01:07:02,329 --> 01:07:04,409
new power exchange, you're excited. You're in your

1835
01:07:04,409 --> 01:07:06,570
power exchange. You've negotiated. You're probably if you're

1836
01:07:06,570 --> 01:07:07,929
the type that writes things down or does

1837
01:07:07,929 --> 01:07:09,690
contracts, you got a shiny new little contract

1838
01:07:09,690 --> 01:07:11,690
over there. It you wanna frame it. You

1839
01:07:11,690 --> 01:07:12,969
wanna run out to all your kink friends

1840
01:07:12,969 --> 01:07:14,984
and go, look. Look. We're you know? Like,

1841
01:07:14,984 --> 01:07:16,904
I like, I get it. And it's exciting,

1842
01:07:16,904 --> 01:07:18,125
and it should be exciting.

1843
01:07:18,664 --> 01:07:20,344
And before you can even get out of

1844
01:07:20,344 --> 01:07:23,404
new relationship energy and into old relationship energy,

1845
01:07:24,744 --> 01:07:26,940
you hit a landmine. Your partner's triggered. You're

1846
01:07:26,940 --> 01:07:29,019
triggered. You a bad tape, a memory, a

1847
01:07:29,019 --> 01:07:31,659
thing that you told yourself. I'm fucking over

1848
01:07:31,659 --> 01:07:34,380
that. That was that motherfucker. And I like

1849
01:07:34,380 --> 01:07:36,300
this motherfucker, so we it doesn't matter. It's

1850
01:07:36,300 --> 01:07:36,960
fine. Right?

1851
01:07:37,260 --> 01:07:39,739
And then it hits, and then doubts creep

1852
01:07:39,739 --> 01:07:41,199
in. And then Yeah.

1853
01:07:41,565 --> 01:07:43,244
The not wanting to talk about it might

1854
01:07:43,244 --> 01:07:45,164
creep in. And then the what's wrong with

1855
01:07:45,164 --> 01:07:46,925
me will creep in. Nothing's fucking wrong with

1856
01:07:46,925 --> 01:07:48,385
you. You went through some shit,

1857
01:07:49,005 --> 01:07:51,565
and you're remembering that. And you haven't had

1858
01:07:51,565 --> 01:07:52,065
enough

1859
01:07:52,844 --> 01:07:55,079
time or experience or experience or professional help

1860
01:07:55,079 --> 01:07:56,920
or whatever whatever it might be that you

1861
01:07:56,920 --> 01:07:57,420
need

1862
01:07:58,199 --> 01:08:01,000
to move through that feeling. Again, I don't

1863
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:03,639
think there's a getting over anything. It's a

1864
01:08:03,639 --> 01:08:04,539
through. Right?

1865
01:08:04,920 --> 01:08:07,559
And I I can know and tell you

1866
01:08:07,559 --> 01:08:08,699
right in this second,

1867
01:08:09,074 --> 01:08:11,554
angry loud voices can be triggering for me,

1868
01:08:11,554 --> 01:08:13,175
and I can know that logically.

1869
01:08:13,554 --> 01:08:15,234
And I can and JB can know it

1870
01:08:15,234 --> 01:08:17,255
and can try do his best to avoid

1871
01:08:17,475 --> 01:08:18,614
that kind of thing,

1872
01:08:18,994 --> 01:08:21,074
and it can still happen. Now do I

1873
01:08:21,074 --> 01:08:24,140
recover a little quicker now than I did

1874
01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:26,840
5 years ago? Yeah. I'm more self aware.

1875
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:28,539
I got better tools, whatever, whatever.

1876
01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:31,739
But I'm not there's no getting over that.

1877
01:08:31,880 --> 01:08:34,439
His bad tapes do not crop up near

1878
01:08:34,439 --> 01:08:35,979
as much at this point.

1879
01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:36,675
No.

1880
01:08:37,154 --> 01:08:38,994
But they can still happen because you'll find

1881
01:08:38,994 --> 01:08:40,215
yourself in a situation

1882
01:08:40,675 --> 01:08:42,934
that you didn't anticipate that you'd be in.

1883
01:08:43,074 --> 01:08:45,635
True. But because we've had enough experience with

1884
01:08:45,635 --> 01:08:47,895
one another and me help, you know,

1885
01:08:48,594 --> 01:08:50,939
lovingly bullying him through his bad tapes,

1886
01:08:51,979 --> 01:08:53,279
submissively, of course.

1887
01:08:53,979 --> 01:08:55,739
He can work through it a little faster

1888
01:08:55,739 --> 01:08:57,439
because we've we've kinda

1889
01:08:58,460 --> 01:08:59,899
got a short we say this a lot.

1890
01:08:59,899 --> 01:09:01,819
We've got a shorthand with one another. I'll

1891
01:09:01,819 --> 01:09:04,060
say something like, that sounds like a bad

1892
01:09:04,060 --> 01:09:04,560
tape.

1893
01:09:04,939 --> 01:09:07,255
Sometimes, I'll just quietly and with not any

1894
01:09:07,255 --> 01:09:09,034
attitude go, this isn't

1895
01:09:09,335 --> 01:09:11,895
that time, that moment, that person. And it

1896
01:09:11,895 --> 01:09:14,454
can sometimes be enough to jolt him. And

1897
01:09:14,454 --> 01:09:15,975
he's like, oh, okay, yeah, I'm back to

1898
01:09:15,975 --> 01:09:16,475
you.

1899
01:09:16,775 --> 01:09:19,032
And it's a form of communication that we've

1900
01:09:19,032 --> 01:09:19,099
developed. It's a form of conflict management that

1901
01:09:19,099 --> 01:09:19,167
we've developed. It's a form of conflict management

1902
01:09:19,167 --> 01:09:19,914
that we've developed.

1903
01:09:22,500 --> 01:09:24,359
It's a way we support one another

1904
01:09:25,140 --> 01:09:27,220
without fully trying to, like, take on each

1905
01:09:27,220 --> 01:09:27,720
other's

1906
01:09:28,340 --> 01:09:31,060
traumas and burdens and bad memories, trying to

1907
01:09:31,060 --> 01:09:33,460
fight each other's battles because we can't. I

1908
01:09:33,460 --> 01:09:35,699
can't make his memories go away. He can't

1909
01:09:36,655 --> 01:09:38,675
and we can't give each other better childhoods.

1910
01:09:39,055 --> 01:09:40,435
That shit has sailed.

1911
01:09:40,895 --> 01:09:42,975
So we just support one another through it.

1912
01:09:42,975 --> 01:09:44,354
But if we weren't

1913
01:09:45,055 --> 01:09:46,195
aware that it

1914
01:09:46,735 --> 01:09:48,354
could happen, like,

1915
01:09:48,900 --> 01:09:50,439
it can come as a surprise,

1916
01:09:50,820 --> 01:09:53,539
especially if you're in a situation where your

1917
01:09:53,539 --> 01:09:55,939
partner's triggered at or it's a bad tape

1918
01:09:55,939 --> 01:09:57,800
or it's a landmine. Pick a word. Right?

1919
01:09:58,100 --> 01:10:00,579
And they seem to be somebody you don't

1920
01:10:00,579 --> 01:10:01,895
recognize in that moment.

1921
01:10:02,354 --> 01:10:04,994
That that can be hard to deal with.

1922
01:10:04,994 --> 01:10:07,095
And that's a thing that you'll have to

1923
01:10:07,475 --> 01:10:08,774
work through yourself

1924
01:10:09,074 --> 01:10:10,755
while they're working through, and sometimes you can

1925
01:10:10,755 --> 01:10:12,994
do that together. Sometimes you see a side

1926
01:10:12,994 --> 01:10:14,595
of a person you didn't know existed and

1927
01:10:14,595 --> 01:10:17,100
you gotta make decisions. But, you know, in

1928
01:10:17,320 --> 01:10:20,280
mostly strong, mostly good, mostly healthy power exchange

1929
01:10:20,280 --> 01:10:23,420
relationships, you can sometimes lean into your dynamic

1930
01:10:23,479 --> 01:10:24,940
to work through it. And sometimes,

1931
01:10:25,479 --> 01:10:27,560
you put that shit on the shelf for

1932
01:10:27,560 --> 01:10:28,380
30 seconds

1933
01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:30,360
and just deal with the human being in

1934
01:10:30,360 --> 01:10:33,425
front of you, but you can grow stronger

1935
01:10:33,485 --> 01:10:33,985
together

1936
01:10:34,685 --> 01:10:35,905
through those times

1937
01:10:37,885 --> 01:10:39,024
as long as

1938
01:10:39,725 --> 01:10:41,024
you do your best

1939
01:10:41,885 --> 01:10:43,725
to be open and understanding and keep the

1940
01:10:43,725 --> 01:10:45,564
lines together. To be open and understanding and

1941
01:10:45,564 --> 01:10:47,220
and support one another. Right.

1942
01:10:48,180 --> 01:10:49,000
Right. Yep. So

1943
01:10:51,460 --> 01:10:53,100
we talked today about frenzy

1944
01:10:53,539 --> 01:10:55,239
Mhmm. Drop, assumptions,

1945
01:10:55,780 --> 01:10:57,000
and bad tapes.

1946
01:10:57,380 --> 01:10:58,667
And next time you hear one of us

1947
01:10:58,667 --> 01:10:58,694
refer to bad tapes, you'll know what the

1948
01:10:58,694 --> 01:10:58,725
fuck we're talking about. We get we do

1949
01:10:58,725 --> 01:10:59,935
get a lot of people who bad tapes,

1950
01:10:59,935 --> 01:11:01,715
you'll know what the fuck we're talking about.

1951
01:11:01,854 --> 01:11:03,215
We get we do get a lot of

1952
01:11:03,215 --> 01:11:05,695
people who who come in, like, these days

1953
01:11:05,695 --> 01:11:07,695
when we're in the 4 100, and they're

1954
01:11:07,695 --> 01:11:09,135
like, you said, what the hell is bad

1955
01:11:09,135 --> 01:11:10,735
tapes? And I don't mind explaining it to

1956
01:11:10,735 --> 01:11:12,494
somebody because I think it's a it's a

1957
01:11:12,494 --> 01:11:14,655
really useful way of looking at that stuff.

1958
01:11:14,655 --> 01:11:17,119
You know? The if you've ever had the,

1959
01:11:17,179 --> 01:11:19,579
oh, this person reminds me of that partner

1960
01:11:19,579 --> 01:11:21,899
kinda moment, and they aren't really like that,

1961
01:11:21,899 --> 01:11:23,500
but you're having that moment, that's a bad

1962
01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:26,619
date. Mhmm. Sometimes our picker is bad, and

1963
01:11:26,619 --> 01:11:28,554
we pick a carbon copy of the shitty

1964
01:11:28,554 --> 01:11:29,755
one we just had. That's

1965
01:11:30,314 --> 01:11:32,314
I've gone on different rants and different episodes

1966
01:11:32,314 --> 01:11:34,094
about that. That's a different conversation.

1967
01:11:34,554 --> 01:11:35,854
So that was just a memory.

1968
01:11:36,314 --> 01:11:37,614
Mhmm. So

1969
01:11:38,795 --> 01:11:39,295
yeah.

1970
01:11:39,994 --> 01:11:42,010
We started out real rough, but I feel

1971
01:11:42,010 --> 01:11:43,369
like we got there a little. I think

1972
01:11:43,369 --> 01:11:45,130
we did. I think we, you know, got

1973
01:11:45,130 --> 01:11:47,869
over that Turbulence. It was turbulence. Yeah.

1974
01:11:48,889 --> 01:11:51,289
And Lola. I'm I'm There's there's always a

1975
01:11:51,289 --> 01:11:53,609
little you know, sometimes on takeoff, there's always

1976
01:11:53,609 --> 01:11:55,289
a little. Takeoff and landing are the 2

1977
01:11:55,289 --> 01:11:58,125
parts I hate the most. Also flying over

1978
01:11:58,125 --> 01:11:59,104
the Rocky Mountains.

1979
01:12:00,284 --> 01:12:02,944
That helps. Haven't done that yet. Don't recommend.

1980
01:12:03,005 --> 01:12:05,804
Okay. No. Anyway, we are gonna go into

1981
01:12:05,804 --> 01:12:08,524
a bonus. Okay. So are we good? I

1982
01:12:08,524 --> 01:12:10,304
don't know. I don't know.

1983
01:12:12,639 --> 01:12:14,639
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you

1984
01:12:14,639 --> 01:12:15,380
next week.

1985
01:12:24,335 --> 01:12:24,835
Tottie.

1986
01:12:25,454 --> 01:12:27,534
Yes, baby girl. Can I tell you what

1987
01:12:27,534 --> 01:12:28,654
I wanna tell you and talk to the

1988
01:12:28,654 --> 01:12:29,154
crickets?

1989
01:12:30,414 --> 01:12:31,854
Go ahead. Tell me what you wanna tell

1990
01:12:31,854 --> 01:12:33,614
me. I had to look at you and

1991
01:12:33,614 --> 01:12:36,335
stop my own breathing and almost sigh so

1992
01:12:36,335 --> 01:12:37,774
we could breathe together so we can get

1993
01:12:37,774 --> 01:12:38,675
that shit right.

1994
01:12:39,390 --> 01:12:40,130
Hi, y'all.

1995
01:12:43,789 --> 01:12:45,869
Oh my god. Didn't like it the way

1996
01:12:45,869 --> 01:12:47,170
it ended last week.

1997
01:12:48,029 --> 01:12:50,429
See, I feel like we ended that way

1998
01:12:50,429 --> 01:12:50,505
last week, and we had just kept on

1999
01:12:50,505 --> 01:12:50,590
going through the beginning of this the one

2000
01:12:50,590 --> 01:12:51,170
this week.

2001
01:13:01,345 --> 01:13:04,305
Yeah. X is, he loves flying over the

2002
01:13:04,305 --> 01:13:04,805
Rockies.

2003
01:13:05,369 --> 01:13:06,969
I Well, I don't know. He's got it

2004
01:13:06,969 --> 01:13:09,050
in the I know. And I'm I'm I'm

2005
01:13:09,050 --> 01:13:10,250
gonna take him at his word. He'll tell

2006
01:13:10,250 --> 01:13:11,310
me if he's being sarcastic.

2007
01:13:11,929 --> 01:13:14,109
I liked going to places

2008
01:13:14,489 --> 01:13:15,630
over the Rockies

2009
01:13:16,409 --> 01:13:17,710
from where I'm located.

2010
01:13:19,194 --> 01:13:19,694
But

2011
01:13:20,395 --> 01:13:21,055
that was

2012
01:13:21,435 --> 01:13:22,494
the first time

2013
01:13:22,954 --> 01:13:25,354
I was thankfully with somebody. I was with

2014
01:13:25,354 --> 01:13:28,154
my aunt and we held hands and I

2015
01:13:28,154 --> 01:13:28,895
who don't

2016
01:13:29,515 --> 01:13:30,414
believe in,

2017
01:13:30,739 --> 01:13:32,920
like, a god higher power kind of thing

2018
01:13:33,699 --> 01:13:35,720
was like, well, I'll talk to the universe.

2019
01:13:35,939 --> 01:13:37,800
Maybe the universe is listening because

2020
01:13:38,500 --> 01:13:39,939
call it prayer if you want, but I

2021
01:13:39,939 --> 01:13:41,159
gotta ask somebody

2022
01:13:41,539 --> 01:13:43,300
to get us through this. It was that.

2023
01:13:43,300 --> 01:13:45,755
It was I had I personally just never

2024
01:13:45,755 --> 01:13:48,875
experienced turbulence that bad. Now a frequent flyer

2025
01:13:48,875 --> 01:13:50,715
might have gone, oh, that that was mild

2026
01:13:50,715 --> 01:13:51,614
compared to

2027
01:13:52,475 --> 01:13:54,635
don't tell me that because I'll never get

2028
01:13:54,635 --> 01:13:56,395
on another plane again because that was the

2029
01:13:56,395 --> 01:13:58,020
worst turbulence I'd ever

2030
01:13:58,420 --> 01:13:59,800
experienced. And it was

2031
01:14:00,100 --> 01:14:01,399
I was terrified.

2032
01:14:01,699 --> 01:14:04,279
Now I, as an overly anxious human being,

2033
01:14:05,220 --> 01:14:07,300
not always a great flyer. I'm fine once

2034
01:14:07,300 --> 01:14:09,300
we're in the air. I really am flown

2035
01:14:09,300 --> 01:14:11,560
over the Atlantic how many times now?

2036
01:14:12,100 --> 01:14:14,505
Fine. But if it gets bumpy

2037
01:14:14,805 --> 01:14:16,505
or noisier than normal,

2038
01:14:16,965 --> 01:14:19,364
that's it. I'm broken out into a full

2039
01:14:19,364 --> 01:14:20,265
body sweat.

2040
01:14:21,045 --> 01:14:22,265
Full body sweat.

2041
01:14:24,404 --> 01:14:26,460
Oh god. Oh god. Nope.

2042
01:14:27,500 --> 01:14:28,000
Nope.

2043
01:14:28,460 --> 01:14:30,699
And yet, I like and now I will

2044
01:14:30,699 --> 01:14:32,539
respect the it's dark and people are trying

2045
01:14:32,539 --> 01:14:34,140
to sleep thing, but I like I get

2046
01:14:34,140 --> 01:14:35,979
a window seat every chance I get. I

2047
01:14:35,979 --> 01:14:36,960
like having the

2048
01:14:37,659 --> 01:14:38,984
window thing up.

2049
01:14:40,185 --> 01:14:42,505
Unless we're flying in a direction where the

2050
01:14:42,505 --> 01:14:44,104
full force of the sun is coming in

2051
01:14:44,104 --> 01:14:45,625
and we're all baking, then I'll put that

2052
01:14:45,625 --> 01:14:46,444
shit down.

2053
01:14:47,704 --> 01:14:50,284
I like looking out. Mhmm. I love

2054
01:14:50,824 --> 01:14:51,324
I

2055
01:14:52,024 --> 01:14:52,500
hate

2056
01:14:53,060 --> 01:14:54,039
heights. I

2057
01:14:54,659 --> 01:14:55,880
I needed to go up

2058
01:14:56,420 --> 01:14:58,579
to the second step of a step stool

2059
01:14:58,579 --> 01:15:00,420
the other day in the garage and almost

2060
01:15:00,420 --> 01:15:01,319
started crying.

2061
01:15:01,699 --> 01:15:02,199
So

2062
01:15:04,420 --> 01:15:04,920
Yeah.

2063
01:15:05,619 --> 01:15:07,479
I can tell you why. But

2064
01:15:07,965 --> 01:15:10,204
I so I do not like heights at

2065
01:15:10,204 --> 01:15:10,704
all.

2066
01:15:11,404 --> 01:15:12,625
But in an airplane,

2067
01:15:13,164 --> 01:15:15,104
somehow, I've convinced myself

2068
01:15:15,484 --> 01:15:17,645
that I feel safer there than anywhere else.

2069
01:15:17,645 --> 01:15:19,404
And I don't know how that's possible, but

2070
01:15:19,404 --> 01:15:19,904
whatever.

2071
01:15:21,010 --> 01:15:23,010
And I like to look out and look

2072
01:15:23,010 --> 01:15:24,850
at all of, like, the fields that look

2073
01:15:24,850 --> 01:15:27,489
like little teeny tiny postage stamps and the

2074
01:15:27,489 --> 01:15:28,850
cars that if you can even see them

2075
01:15:28,850 --> 01:15:30,630
depending on where you're at. Looks like dioramas.

2076
01:15:30,930 --> 01:15:32,869
Yeah. Like, yeah. I fucking love that shit.

2077
01:15:33,010 --> 01:15:33,909
Okay. So

2078
01:15:35,324 --> 01:15:36,685
we had to change the light out in

2079
01:15:36,685 --> 01:15:38,364
our garage because it's our shop, and the

2080
01:15:38,364 --> 01:15:39,965
thing had busted. And we were like, let's

2081
01:15:39,965 --> 01:15:41,805
put a new light in. It's old as

2082
01:15:41,805 --> 01:15:44,685
shit, ballast, fluorescent blah blah blah. We changed

2083
01:15:44,685 --> 01:15:47,005
the light out. But it's like on the

2084
01:15:47,005 --> 01:15:48,305
ceiling in the garage,

2085
01:15:48,869 --> 01:15:51,130
in the center of the fucking garage.

2086
01:15:51,750 --> 01:15:53,829
I don't like getting on ladders. I don't

2087
01:15:53,829 --> 01:15:56,250
feel stable. I know

2088
01:15:56,789 --> 01:15:59,750
that how easily I trip when both of

2089
01:15:59,750 --> 01:16:02,149
my feet are flat on the ground. I

2090
01:16:02,149 --> 01:16:03,289
don't trust myself

2091
01:16:04,225 --> 01:16:04,965
higher up.

2092
01:16:05,744 --> 01:16:07,265
And because it was in the center of

2093
01:16:07,265 --> 01:16:10,305
the room, there was no, like, wall to

2094
01:16:10,305 --> 01:16:12,225
lean against. There was nothing like if I

2095
01:16:12,225 --> 01:16:14,305
fell if I started falling, I could, like,

2096
01:16:14,305 --> 01:16:16,565
fling myself towards the wall and catch myself.

2097
01:16:16,784 --> 01:16:18,305
We were in the middle of the room.

2098
01:16:18,305 --> 01:16:21,050
And if I, as klutzy as I am,

2099
01:16:21,430 --> 01:16:24,409
managed to topple the stepladder and I don't,

2100
01:16:25,670 --> 01:16:28,070
put it past myself to somehow find a

2101
01:16:28,070 --> 01:16:29,369
fucked up way to do that.

2102
01:16:30,630 --> 01:16:31,609
I was going

2103
01:16:31,909 --> 01:16:32,810
either straightforward

2104
01:16:33,270 --> 01:16:35,854
over this bench with, like, there was the

2105
01:16:35,854 --> 01:16:36,835
utility knife

2106
01:16:37,295 --> 01:16:39,854
and the putty knives and the really sharp

2107
01:16:39,854 --> 01:16:41,694
scissors. And I was like, oh my god.

2108
01:16:41,694 --> 01:16:43,234
Or I was going back

2109
01:16:43,694 --> 01:16:46,975
straight into the AC blahdy blah thing and

2110
01:16:46,975 --> 01:16:49,069
the smoker that lives in the garage. And

2111
01:16:49,069 --> 01:16:50,989
I was like, either way, I'm going to

2112
01:16:50,989 --> 01:16:51,729
a hospital.

2113
01:16:52,270 --> 01:16:52,770
So

2114
01:16:53,310 --> 01:16:53,970
it was

2115
01:16:54,430 --> 01:16:56,430
step it was not like a little baby

2116
01:16:56,430 --> 01:16:58,109
inside the house stepladder. It was like a

2117
01:16:58,109 --> 01:16:59,810
like a a big kid's stepladder.

2118
01:17:00,189 --> 01:17:01,869
I wasn't even on the top step, but

2119
01:17:01,869 --> 01:17:03,814
we went up just to the second step.

2120
01:17:04,354 --> 01:17:05,895
I could envision falling,

2121
01:17:06,354 --> 01:17:08,594
put my hand on the ceiling, but I

2122
01:17:09,635 --> 01:17:12,034
it wasn't enough. I I couldn't do anything

2123
01:17:12,034 --> 01:17:13,475
because one hand had to stay on the

2124
01:17:13,475 --> 01:17:15,715
ceiling because somehow that was gonna keep me

2125
01:17:15,715 --> 01:17:16,614
from falling.

2126
01:17:16,914 --> 01:17:19,229
And that just left one hand out. That

2127
01:17:19,229 --> 01:17:20,909
was not I went, I don't think I

2128
01:17:20,909 --> 01:17:22,349
can do this. And he was like, get

2129
01:17:22,349 --> 01:17:24,130
off the damn step stool.

2130
01:17:25,789 --> 01:17:26,289
Okay.

2131
01:17:27,550 --> 01:17:29,069
I mean, I y'all, I almost sweat it

2132
01:17:29,069 --> 01:17:30,564
through my shirt. Got so nervous like it

2133
01:17:30,564 --> 01:17:32,005
was. But we got it done. We did

2134
01:17:32,005 --> 01:17:32,564
get it done.

2135
01:17:33,364 --> 01:17:34,345
Did did

2136
01:17:34,725 --> 01:17:35,944
did you have to do

2137
01:17:36,244 --> 01:17:37,625
all of the work

2138
01:17:38,164 --> 01:17:40,824
and twist yourself into, like, weird contortions

2139
01:17:41,444 --> 01:17:42,185
and get,

2140
01:17:43,045 --> 01:17:44,744
sealing dust in your eyeballs?

2141
01:17:45,510 --> 01:17:48,869
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I was not

2142
01:17:48,869 --> 01:17:50,809
one bit of fucking help on that one.

2143
01:17:51,029 --> 01:17:54,149
I was moral support only. Now every time

2144
01:17:54,149 --> 01:17:55,829
anybody gets on the ladder, I get nervous.

2145
01:17:55,829 --> 01:17:57,429
Now why? I don't know. I've never seen

2146
01:17:57,429 --> 01:17:59,429
anybody fall off of 1. Everybody in my

2147
01:17:59,429 --> 01:17:59,929
life

2148
01:18:00,574 --> 01:18:02,414
that around formative years who would get on

2149
01:18:02,414 --> 01:18:05,054
the ladder was very safe. My dad taught

2150
01:18:05,054 --> 01:18:07,054
me ladder safety. I think that was the

2151
01:18:07,054 --> 01:18:09,534
problem. Teaching me ladder safety meant he had

2152
01:18:09,534 --> 01:18:11,215
to teach me what could go wrong. And

2153
01:18:11,215 --> 01:18:11,715
so

2154
01:18:12,640 --> 01:18:14,399
all I envision now is what can go

2155
01:18:14,399 --> 01:18:16,899
wrong. So while JB was on the ladder,

2156
01:18:17,039 --> 01:18:19,279
not even all the way up, like, he

2157
01:18:19,279 --> 01:18:21,199
didn't need to go I've seen him stand

2158
01:18:21,199 --> 01:18:22,880
on the very tippy top, like you're not

2159
01:18:22,880 --> 01:18:24,640
supposed to do. He didn't have to go

2160
01:18:24,640 --> 01:18:26,784
that high. He was but he was up.

2161
01:18:27,324 --> 01:18:28,604
But he was having to bend kind of

2162
01:18:28,604 --> 01:18:30,125
backwards and tilt his head back and get

2163
01:18:30,125 --> 01:18:31,645
up to the ceiling. It was all awkward.

2164
01:18:31,645 --> 01:18:33,324
And so I would stand there and watch

2165
01:18:33,324 --> 01:18:34,524
him and go, does he need anything? And

2166
01:18:34,524 --> 01:18:36,685
then I go, okay. If he falls that

2167
01:18:36,685 --> 01:18:37,185
way,

2168
01:18:37,719 --> 01:18:39,719
fling your body and try to, like, break

2169
01:18:39,719 --> 01:18:41,880
his fall. But you're like, I was I

2170
01:18:41,880 --> 01:18:42,380
was

2171
01:18:43,319 --> 01:18:46,599
planning I wasn't planning your demise, but I

2172
01:18:46,599 --> 01:18:48,460
was planning for the eventuality

2173
01:18:48,920 --> 01:18:51,015
that it might happen and what I can

2174
01:18:51,015 --> 01:18:51,994
maybe do

2175
01:18:52,534 --> 01:18:53,675
to prevent it.

2176
01:18:55,414 --> 01:18:56,154
And now

2177
01:18:56,614 --> 01:18:58,715
you have yet another example

2178
01:18:59,494 --> 01:19:02,074
of what happens in my brain. You're welcome.

2179
01:19:07,260 --> 01:19:09,119
There's my side for that one.

2180
01:19:09,579 --> 01:19:11,260
Silence said, I don't even like going up

2181
01:19:11,260 --> 01:19:13,739
the attic steps ladder thing. No. You could

2182
01:19:13,899 --> 01:19:15,819
nope. I won't go up that thing. That

2183
01:19:15,819 --> 01:19:18,000
thing sounds like it's falling apart.

2184
01:19:18,460 --> 01:19:20,000
The first step you take.

2185
01:19:20,635 --> 01:19:23,694
I hate the attic pull down nope.

2186
01:19:24,715 --> 01:19:25,215
Nope.

2187
01:19:25,914 --> 01:19:26,414
Nope.

2188
01:19:27,114 --> 01:19:27,614
Nope.

2189
01:19:28,074 --> 01:19:28,574
Last

2190
01:19:29,274 --> 01:19:32,014
Christmas season, was it? We had the oldest

2191
01:19:32,074 --> 01:19:34,094
help us. Yeah. Because the oldest

2192
01:19:34,475 --> 01:19:36,014
is very slender,

2193
01:19:36,680 --> 01:19:37,500
very light,

2194
01:19:37,960 --> 01:19:39,659
and he can fit in tight spaces.

2195
01:19:40,280 --> 01:19:42,840
So we were like, you you you and

2196
01:19:42,840 --> 01:19:44,920
JB was still dealing with, like, your back

2197
01:19:44,920 --> 01:19:46,360
or whatever. Yeah. So we're like, you get

2198
01:19:46,360 --> 01:19:47,880
that stuff up into the attic because this

2199
01:19:47,880 --> 01:19:49,420
is where Christmas stuff lives.

2200
01:19:50,244 --> 01:19:50,744
And

2201
01:19:51,604 --> 01:19:53,685
somehow I was a little less nervous for

2202
01:19:53,685 --> 01:19:54,185
him.

2203
01:19:55,524 --> 01:19:57,685
Is miss Lola gonna start again? Please don't.

2204
01:19:57,685 --> 01:19:59,545
Please please let us be done first.

2205
01:20:01,125 --> 01:20:03,045
But yeah. No. I don't do that. I

2206
01:20:03,045 --> 01:20:04,244
wouldn't you couldn't pay me to go in

2207
01:20:04,244 --> 01:20:05,729
the attic. Anyway, first of all, I'm sure

2208
01:20:05,729 --> 01:20:07,569
something's crawling around up there. It might just

2209
01:20:07,569 --> 01:20:09,010
be a bug, but this is Florida. Our

2210
01:20:09,010 --> 01:20:12,069
bugs get huge and most of them fly.

2211
01:20:12,850 --> 01:20:15,250
2, is Florida right now, this time of

2212
01:20:15,250 --> 01:20:18,234
year, too fucking hot. Like, even when we

2213
01:20:18,234 --> 01:20:20,154
got, like, our AC done a couple years

2214
01:20:20,154 --> 01:20:20,654
ago,

2215
01:20:20,954 --> 01:20:22,875
the only time they would go up to,

2216
01:20:22,875 --> 01:20:24,154
like, do the duct work was, like, at

2217
01:20:24,234 --> 01:20:25,675
Early in the morning. 7 o'clock in the

2218
01:20:25,675 --> 01:20:27,295
morning. And even then, it was already

2219
01:20:28,074 --> 01:20:30,314
crazy hot. I mean, you know, the the

2220
01:20:30,314 --> 01:20:32,479
attics down here can very easily get up

2221
01:20:32,479 --> 01:20:35,439
to a 120, 130 degrees. Yeah. It's not

2222
01:20:35,439 --> 01:20:37,600
safe at certain times No. Of the year,

2223
01:20:37,600 --> 01:20:38,500
times of the day.

2224
01:20:39,119 --> 01:20:40,640
But yeah. No. I'm not getting I'm not

2225
01:20:40,640 --> 01:20:42,079
getting on the ladder. Nope. I

2226
01:20:43,600 --> 01:20:44,579
for that brief

2227
01:20:44,925 --> 01:20:47,405
window of time where I was fully single

2228
01:20:47,405 --> 01:20:48,864
living on my own with just the kids,

2229
01:20:49,324 --> 01:20:49,984
I had

2230
01:20:50,284 --> 01:20:53,265
a baby step stool that was one step

2231
01:20:54,045 --> 01:20:55,805
that I think we might still have it.

2232
01:20:55,805 --> 01:20:58,145
It's out in the shop. Right. That one,

2233
01:20:58,925 --> 01:20:59,609
I could do.

2234
01:21:00,969 --> 01:21:02,810
Only that one. It takes you, what, like,

2235
01:21:02,810 --> 01:21:05,189
8 inches off the ground of that? Mhmm.

2236
01:21:05,369 --> 01:21:07,609
That one. Now did it have to be

2237
01:21:07,609 --> 01:21:10,090
right next to a wall so I could

2238
01:21:10,090 --> 01:21:12,350
brace myself? Yes. Yes. It did.

2239
01:21:14,385 --> 01:21:15,125
Just saying.

2240
01:21:15,904 --> 01:21:19,104
Oh, god. Palmetto bugs are Yeah. Oh, they're

2241
01:21:19,104 --> 01:21:20,864
so that that's the big flying bugs that

2242
01:21:20,864 --> 01:21:23,844
Florida gets. Mhmm. They oh, god. And if

2243
01:21:24,224 --> 01:21:25,284
if they're carrying

2244
01:21:26,304 --> 01:21:27,510
their babies with them

2245
01:21:30,069 --> 01:21:32,889
I don't know what's worse. The spider

2246
01:21:33,670 --> 01:21:36,569
with her babies on them or the palmetto

2247
01:21:36,630 --> 01:21:38,710
bug with its babies on. I think it's

2248
01:21:38,710 --> 01:21:40,489
the palmetto bug because that fucker flies.

2249
01:21:41,265 --> 01:21:42,225
That fucker flies.

2250
01:21:44,145 --> 01:21:46,145
How why do I keep saying I'm a

2251
01:21:46,145 --> 01:21:48,005
Florida girl and I wanna live here?

2252
01:21:48,704 --> 01:21:50,725
You tell me. I mean, you I know.

2253
01:21:51,024 --> 01:21:52,564
Well, at this point, I'm

2254
01:21:52,944 --> 01:21:54,810
sucks to suck. We're here while the oldest

2255
01:21:54,810 --> 01:21:56,489
goes to college in the state. I would

2256
01:21:56,489 --> 01:21:58,329
not move out of Florida right now with

2257
01:21:58,329 --> 01:21:59,770
him still in college and needing us. Like,

2258
01:21:59,770 --> 01:22:01,609
no. No. No. I'm here. I'm here. You

2259
01:22:01,609 --> 01:22:03,710
need me just too much right now.

2260
01:22:04,090 --> 01:22:06,329
I was thinking Yeah. You know, yeah, as

2261
01:22:06,329 --> 01:22:08,670
much as it's sometimes a hassle to drive

2262
01:22:08,765 --> 01:22:10,444
to Gainesville, at least we have a back

2263
01:22:10,444 --> 01:22:12,604
road we can take that's pretty open. Mhmm.

2264
01:22:12,604 --> 01:22:13,425
And I was thinking

2265
01:22:14,685 --> 01:22:15,085
this would

2266
01:22:17,244 --> 01:22:18,864
Lola agrees. Mhmm.

2267
01:22:19,324 --> 01:22:21,265
But I'm I'm grateful that,

2268
01:22:21,750 --> 01:22:23,289
you know, he didn't go to Tampa.

2269
01:22:24,229 --> 01:22:25,930
I know that would suck for the drive.

2270
01:22:26,310 --> 01:22:27,909
That would suck for the drive. He would

2271
01:22:27,909 --> 01:22:29,430
he would have just had to, like, get

2272
01:22:29,430 --> 01:22:31,449
used to everything being delivered to his ass.

2273
01:22:31,670 --> 01:22:32,069
He,

2274
01:22:32,470 --> 01:22:35,270
got his financial aid package from the school

2275
01:22:35,270 --> 01:22:35,895
for the,

2276
01:22:36,375 --> 01:22:37,034
fall semester,

2277
01:22:37,975 --> 01:22:40,954
fully covers his tuition, covers his rent, covers,

2278
01:22:41,175 --> 01:22:43,034
like, 90% of his bills.

2279
01:22:43,895 --> 01:22:45,975
So he has extra, you know, extra money

2280
01:22:45,975 --> 01:22:47,175
on top of that, and he puts some

2281
01:22:47,175 --> 01:22:49,095
in savings. And he's like, I need a

2282
01:22:49,095 --> 01:22:51,255
desktop. My laptop is from when I was

2283
01:22:51,255 --> 01:22:53,710
a freshman in high school, and it was

2284
01:22:53,710 --> 01:22:55,630
a cheapie then. So this is not doing

2285
01:22:55,630 --> 01:22:57,310
what I needed to do for school. And

2286
01:22:57,310 --> 01:22:59,390
he called he called me and he was

2287
01:22:59,390 --> 01:23:02,610
like, I actually am asking for your opinion.

2288
01:23:02,670 --> 01:23:04,689
I want to know what you think, which

2289
01:23:05,070 --> 01:23:05,701
clear communication. Usually, he does not actually wanna

2290
01:23:05,701 --> 01:23:06,100
know what I think. I am his mother.

2291
01:23:06,100 --> 01:23:06,939
Sometimes I will shoehorn,

2292
01:23:07,505 --> 01:23:08,944
actually wanna know what I think. I am

2293
01:23:08,944 --> 01:23:10,468
his mother. Sometimes I will shoehorn in an

2294
01:23:10,468 --> 01:23:11,198
opinion, but most of the time I wait

2295
01:23:11,198 --> 01:23:12,465
for him to ask. And he did. He

2296
01:23:12,465 --> 01:23:13,744
was like, do you think this is a

2297
01:23:13,744 --> 01:23:15,024
good decision? And I was like, yes. And

2298
01:23:15,024 --> 01:23:16,934
here's what I think of blah blah blah.

2299
01:23:16,934 --> 01:23:17,425
And he,

2300
01:23:21,250 --> 01:23:23,010
rejected the one thing I said he should

2301
01:23:23,010 --> 01:23:23,989
probably do.

2302
01:23:24,609 --> 01:23:26,630
That's fine. He's a grown ass adult.

2303
01:23:27,569 --> 01:23:30,050
But he had it shipped to us because

2304
01:23:30,050 --> 01:23:32,130
it's coming in a big box, and he's

2305
01:23:32,130 --> 01:23:34,130
off at class most days in his apartment

2306
01:23:34,130 --> 01:23:34,630
complex.

2307
01:23:35,324 --> 01:23:37,324
We've been on alert all day. It's supposed

2308
01:23:37,324 --> 01:23:39,905
to arrive today and needs a signature,

2309
01:23:40,525 --> 01:23:42,525
and it's a whole family affair. So it

2310
01:23:42,525 --> 01:23:44,204
was supposed to arrive between 3 5, and

2311
01:23:44,204 --> 01:23:47,005
I was like, nothing we have Ever arrives

2312
01:23:47,005 --> 01:23:49,260
at times. Yeah. No. It's usually between, like,

2313
01:23:49,579 --> 01:23:51,599
6 and 8, sometimes as late as 9.

2314
01:23:51,659 --> 01:23:53,179
So the whole family this has been a

2315
01:23:53,179 --> 01:23:55,579
team operation. We are streaming and recording and

2316
01:23:55,579 --> 01:23:57,840
doing our thing tonight. So the youngest

2317
01:23:58,539 --> 01:24:00,619
has his bedroom curtains open so he can

2318
01:24:00,619 --> 01:24:02,694
watch the street. So if a delivery truck

2319
01:24:02,694 --> 01:24:05,015
stops anywhere near our house, his job is

2320
01:24:05,015 --> 01:24:06,534
to text me because please do not get

2321
01:24:06,534 --> 01:24:08,375
it twisted. That child is not go gonna

2322
01:24:08,375 --> 01:24:11,515
answer the doorbell and sign his name. Okay?

2323
01:24:11,895 --> 01:24:13,274
I would barely do it.

2324
01:24:13,650 --> 01:24:15,750
That's why I have a daddy doll.

2325
01:24:16,530 --> 01:24:18,630
So we've been on the alert waiting for

2326
01:24:18,850 --> 01:24:20,689
my text message to go off. It has

2327
01:24:20,689 --> 01:24:23,729
not so far. That tells me that either

2328
01:24:23,729 --> 01:24:26,070
he forgot to look out his window or

2329
01:24:26,130 --> 01:24:28,534
they have not arrived yet. But then we

2330
01:24:28,534 --> 01:24:29,034
will

2331
01:24:29,895 --> 01:24:32,054
sign for tonight or collect it tomorrow if

2332
01:24:32,054 --> 01:24:33,975
they do that thing where they pretend to

2333
01:24:33,975 --> 01:24:35,895
knock and didn't and just leave the sticker.

2334
01:24:35,895 --> 01:24:37,734
No sticker. Okay. That's what I just wanted

2335
01:24:37,734 --> 01:24:38,314
to do.

2336
01:24:39,175 --> 01:24:40,395
I mean, our UPS

2337
01:24:41,014 --> 01:24:41,514
I

2338
01:24:42,439 --> 01:24:45,159
love our UPS people and also feel really

2339
01:24:45,159 --> 01:24:46,680
bad for them. Sometimes they're still delivering at

2340
01:24:46,680 --> 01:24:48,360
9 o'clock or in this neighborhood. Yeah.

2341
01:24:49,159 --> 01:24:50,680
So it's possible it could come that late.

2342
01:24:50,680 --> 01:24:52,920
But then we will carry it to the

2343
01:24:52,920 --> 01:24:56,064
oldest tomorrow because he has a concert. And

2344
01:24:56,064 --> 01:24:57,905
this concert is the one we learned last

2345
01:24:57,905 --> 01:25:00,784
year is the longest of the year because

2346
01:25:00,784 --> 01:25:02,805
it's both big bands playing.

2347
01:25:03,185 --> 01:25:04,625
He is in the 2nd big band that

2348
01:25:04,625 --> 01:25:05,765
plays, but it's both.

2349
01:25:06,704 --> 01:25:08,945
And so we're gonna go to that concert.

2350
01:25:08,945 --> 01:25:11,420
We're gonna go to his performances this year

2351
01:25:11,560 --> 01:25:13,720
because we're close enough we can. We also

2352
01:25:13,720 --> 01:25:15,960
decided we're taking Friday off. What's wrong? Oh

2353
01:25:15,960 --> 01:25:18,119
my gosh. Did she hurt herself? That little

2354
01:25:18,119 --> 01:25:19,880
spot on top of her head. Did it

2355
01:25:19,880 --> 01:25:21,720
come open? Yep. Oh my gosh. She doesn't

2356
01:25:21,720 --> 01:25:24,074
look like she's in distress. No. Podcast listeners,

2357
01:25:24,074 --> 01:25:24,635
y'all don't

2358
01:25:25,274 --> 01:25:26,255
I'm so sorry.

2359
01:25:26,954 --> 01:25:28,635
And YouTube folks, all you can see is

2360
01:25:28,635 --> 01:25:29,614
me looking worried.

2361
01:25:30,555 --> 01:25:32,475
Lola has a little spot on her head

2362
01:25:32,475 --> 01:25:34,154
that opened up. I won't go into details.

2363
01:25:34,154 --> 01:25:36,255
It's not gross, but some people are squeamish.

2364
01:25:37,034 --> 01:25:39,550
She's not in distress. No. I bet it's

2365
01:25:39,550 --> 01:25:41,070
from all her rubbing her head on her

2366
01:25:41,070 --> 01:25:43,949
cot. I believe we are more distressed than

2367
01:25:43,949 --> 01:25:46,829
she is. Right. She's She she's she's doing

2368
01:25:46,829 --> 01:25:48,430
this on my leg because she wants pets.

2369
01:25:48,430 --> 01:25:50,050
She would like your attention, please.

2370
01:25:54,255 --> 01:25:54,755
So,

2371
01:25:55,215 --> 01:25:57,215
yes, we're going to a concert Thursday night.

2372
01:25:57,215 --> 01:26:00,094
Mhmm. I will probably work Friday, but nobody

2373
01:26:00,094 --> 01:26:01,774
is getting up on a with an alarm

2374
01:26:01,774 --> 01:26:04,175
for us. Because it'll easily be midnight before

2375
01:26:04,175 --> 01:26:05,935
we even rock back up to the house.

2376
01:26:05,935 --> 01:26:08,479
Last year, the first time we went, we

2377
01:26:08,479 --> 01:26:10,800
had no idea what to expect. Mm-mm. We

2378
01:26:10,800 --> 01:26:13,119
got home so late, and I still tried

2379
01:26:13,119 --> 01:26:14,820
to get up and work the next day.

2380
01:26:15,039 --> 01:26:17,520
I was miserable. So here's what's funny. I

2381
01:26:17,520 --> 01:26:18,420
get the concert,

2382
01:26:19,360 --> 01:26:19,860
schedule,

2383
01:26:21,015 --> 01:26:22,454
because I know where to go and not

2384
01:26:22,454 --> 01:26:24,854
wait for the child to tell me. Yeah.

2385
01:26:24,854 --> 01:26:26,774
And I look and I go, oh, shit.

2386
01:26:26,774 --> 01:26:29,015
The first concert the September concert, it's both

2387
01:26:29,015 --> 01:26:31,335
bands. And normally, it's not. They have their

2388
01:26:31,335 --> 01:26:33,015
own concert on their own night, but this

2389
01:26:33,015 --> 01:26:34,715
first one, they do on the same night.

2390
01:26:35,015 --> 01:26:37,470
And it's a very long concert with, like,

2391
01:26:37,470 --> 01:26:39,970
a 30 minute intermission. It's so fucking long.

2392
01:26:40,430 --> 01:26:41,869
And I'm like, I want us to go.

2393
01:26:41,869 --> 01:26:44,189
I wanna support the kid. I wanna get

2394
01:26:44,189 --> 01:26:46,029
to be a band mom. Like, I I

2395
01:26:46,029 --> 01:26:47,789
want that. And I'm trying to talk to

2396
01:26:47,789 --> 01:26:49,710
JB, and he's just looking at me with

2397
01:26:49,710 --> 01:26:51,914
dread. And I'm thinking, am I gonna have

2398
01:26:51,914 --> 01:26:53,675
to go by myself? And I don't like

2399
01:26:53,675 --> 01:26:55,694
to drive at night anymore. I'm

2400
01:26:57,114 --> 01:26:58,975
I don't know. And so finally,

2401
01:26:59,594 --> 01:27:01,694
oh my lord, Lola's shaking the table.

2402
01:27:02,074 --> 01:27:02,734
And finally,

2403
01:27:03,755 --> 01:27:06,829
I've I've came upon the magic words. I

2404
01:27:06,829 --> 01:27:09,329
said, look, we work for our fucking selves.

2405
01:27:09,710 --> 01:27:12,750
We have the livestream Friday night, 9:30 PM

2406
01:27:12,750 --> 01:27:15,010
EST on YouTube, September 20th.

2407
01:27:15,949 --> 01:27:18,225
But why don't we just not work on

2408
01:27:18,225 --> 01:27:19,744
Friday? Don't we don't have to wake up

2409
01:27:19,744 --> 01:27:21,824
early. We just we just plan our week

2410
01:27:21,824 --> 01:27:24,225
knowing we won't, like, be doing anything major

2411
01:27:24,225 --> 01:27:26,645
on Friday. Yeah. And then he was like,

2412
01:27:27,265 --> 01:27:29,904
okay. I was like And and silent asked

2413
01:27:29,904 --> 01:27:32,149
if it was gonna affect the hangout on

2414
01:27:32,149 --> 01:27:34,789
Friday. Mhmm. No. Not at all. No. You

2415
01:27:34,789 --> 01:27:36,550
know, Thursday night, as long as we we

2416
01:27:36,550 --> 01:27:38,229
have you know, as long as we can

2417
01:27:38,229 --> 01:27:40,149
sleep in the next morning, it'd be fine.

2418
01:27:40,149 --> 01:27:40,649
Yeah.

2419
01:27:41,670 --> 01:27:43,590
So yeah. So I'm excited about going to

2420
01:27:43,590 --> 01:27:45,270
the concert. Mhmm. I hope we get the

2421
01:27:45,270 --> 01:27:47,595
child's he hopes we get the his desk

2422
01:27:47,595 --> 01:27:49,354
top. Yeah. I was like, I guess we'll

2423
01:27:49,354 --> 01:27:51,835
carry it to you this weekend if if

2424
01:27:51,835 --> 01:27:54,475
we we can't on Thursday. Mhmm. Which, again,

2425
01:27:54,475 --> 01:27:56,074
it's not that bad. It's not that bad

2426
01:27:56,074 --> 01:27:57,215
of a drive. No.

2427
01:27:59,275 --> 01:28:00,029
So yeah.

2428
01:28:01,229 --> 01:28:03,710
Yeah. That's been us. Yeah. We have we

2429
01:28:03,710 --> 01:28:04,989
can't talk about too much or whatever. We're

2430
01:28:04,989 --> 01:28:06,670
gonna talk about Friday night. That's right. We'll

2431
01:28:06,670 --> 01:28:08,189
talk about when was the last time we

2432
01:28:08,189 --> 01:28:10,349
talked about pie and our our stance on

2433
01:28:10,349 --> 01:28:12,849
pie? Pie. It's been a while. Pie. Pie.

2434
01:28:13,389 --> 01:28:16,185
We we have been known multiple times now,

2435
01:28:16,185 --> 01:28:17,944
but sometimes with a poll, to have the

2436
01:28:17,944 --> 01:28:20,425
great bacon debate, if you would like to

2437
01:28:20,425 --> 01:28:22,744
join us for that on Friday. The the

2438
01:28:22,744 --> 01:28:26,364
bacon debate is not Kevin or Frank. It's,

2439
01:28:29,064 --> 01:28:29,465
it's,

2440
01:28:30,104 --> 01:28:31,380
crunchy or chewy.

2441
01:28:31,939 --> 01:28:32,840
You mean Francis?

2442
01:28:33,539 --> 01:28:34,039
Frank.

2443
01:28:39,219 --> 01:28:40,659
The moment I said it, I was like,

2444
01:28:40,659 --> 01:28:42,520
oh, I should have said sir Bacon, but

2445
01:28:43,539 --> 01:28:45,845
I was close, and I knew who I

2446
01:28:45,845 --> 01:28:48,244
meant, and you knew who I meant. So

2447
01:28:48,244 --> 01:28:49,864
therefore, it was clear communication.

2448
01:28:52,485 --> 01:28:54,025
Well, you know, I I think

2449
01:28:54,805 --> 01:28:56,905
bacon needs to be kicked to the curb

2450
01:28:56,965 --> 01:28:59,045
for the time being. Mhmm. You know, we

2451
01:28:59,045 --> 01:29:00,505
we are in fall season.

2452
01:29:00,859 --> 01:29:01,359
Supposedly.

2453
01:29:01,659 --> 01:29:02,399
Suppo well,

2454
01:29:02,859 --> 01:29:05,100
the rest of the country is except for

2455
01:29:05,100 --> 01:29:05,600
us.

2456
01:29:06,780 --> 01:29:07,280
But,

2457
01:29:08,539 --> 01:29:10,939
you know, there there there are 2 big

2458
01:29:10,939 --> 01:29:11,439
contenders

2459
01:29:12,300 --> 01:29:14,399
that happen this time of the year. Okay.

2460
01:29:14,460 --> 01:29:15,920
You know, apple pie,

2461
01:29:16,525 --> 01:29:20,465
Pumpkin pie? Apple. Apple or Pumpkin pie spice?

2462
01:29:20,925 --> 01:29:23,485
Yes. Pumpkin flavored shit? Yeah. You were very

2463
01:29:23,485 --> 01:29:24,625
lucky. I

2464
01:29:25,485 --> 01:29:27,324
got sent into Aldi this week in the

2465
01:29:27,324 --> 01:29:28,765
middle of the week, which we don't usually

2466
01:29:28,765 --> 01:29:30,045
do. We get our groceries on the weekend.

2467
01:29:30,045 --> 01:29:31,425
We don't go to the store again.

2468
01:29:31,810 --> 01:29:33,649
But I had to go. And I walked

2469
01:29:33,649 --> 01:29:35,590
past the bakery section and they

2470
01:29:36,050 --> 01:29:38,529
had pumpkin bread. Now, I'd already had their

2471
01:29:38,529 --> 01:29:39,029
pumpkin

2472
01:29:39,489 --> 01:29:41,409
cake roll with the cream cheese filling, which

2473
01:29:41,409 --> 01:29:43,569
was delicious, by the way. But this was

2474
01:29:43,569 --> 01:29:45,409
their pumpkin bread in the same vein as

2475
01:29:45,409 --> 01:29:48,204
banana bread. Right? I almost bought it. And

2476
01:29:48,204 --> 01:29:50,444
then I stopped myself. We didn't need it.

2477
01:29:50,444 --> 01:29:51,265
It's fine.

2478
01:29:51,725 --> 01:29:54,625
I had to buy bacon, actually, and avocados

2479
01:29:54,925 --> 01:29:55,425
instead.

2480
01:29:57,244 --> 01:29:57,904
But yeah.

2481
01:29:58,284 --> 01:29:59,265
I like pumpkin

2482
01:29:59,789 --> 01:30:01,649
pie flavors. I like pumpkin

2483
01:30:02,030 --> 01:30:02,930
in things.

2484
01:30:03,630 --> 01:30:05,890
I am not a pumpkin pie girly.

2485
01:30:06,590 --> 01:30:08,949
It's the texture for me. Okay. It's not

2486
01:30:09,069 --> 01:30:11,090
the flavor's fine. It's the texture.

2487
01:30:11,710 --> 01:30:12,930
Apple pie? Yes.

2488
01:30:13,470 --> 01:30:13,845
K.

2489
01:30:14,405 --> 01:30:16,645
But, see, I'm used to we didn't do

2490
01:30:16,645 --> 01:30:17,525
this when I was a kid because it

2491
01:30:17,525 --> 01:30:19,125
was like just a few of us. But

2492
01:30:19,125 --> 01:30:21,545
then when my mom after my dad died,

2493
01:30:21,765 --> 01:30:23,845
my mom and my mom remarried. She remarried

2494
01:30:23,845 --> 01:30:25,305
into a very traditional

2495
01:30:26,100 --> 01:30:28,500
southern family, which was a culture shock for

2496
01:30:28,500 --> 01:30:30,340
us because while we are southern, we were

2497
01:30:30,340 --> 01:30:31,719
never traditional. Okay?

2498
01:30:32,100 --> 01:30:34,100
These are the who are your people, what

2499
01:30:34,100 --> 01:30:36,119
church do you go to kind of southerners,

2500
01:30:36,179 --> 01:30:37,399
if you know, you know.

2501
01:30:38,020 --> 01:30:40,439
And so you didn't just get

2502
01:30:41,104 --> 01:30:43,265
an apple pie and a pumpkin pie. You

2503
01:30:43,265 --> 01:30:44,725
got a dessert buffet?

2504
01:30:45,104 --> 01:30:47,585
Mhmm. And so, yes, pumpkin pie and apple

2505
01:30:47,585 --> 01:30:49,125
pie and pecan pie

2506
01:30:50,465 --> 01:30:52,404
and chocolate cake. That's not a pie.

2507
01:30:52,864 --> 01:30:54,060
Pecan pie is delicious.

2508
01:30:54,539 --> 01:30:55,739
It's also great if you just want a

2509
01:30:55,739 --> 01:30:56,800
quick sugar high.

2510
01:30:57,180 --> 01:30:59,260
You got chocolate cake and also a German

2511
01:30:59,260 --> 01:31:01,340
chocolate cake. There was usually competing chocolate cakes.

2512
01:31:01,340 --> 01:31:04,780
Somebody had brownies. Somebody brought cookies. Sometimes, the

2513
01:31:05,100 --> 01:31:07,180
whoever was hosting did all of that, and

2514
01:31:07,180 --> 01:31:09,614
then other people like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So

2515
01:31:09,614 --> 01:31:11,935
it's never just been a choice for me

2516
01:31:11,935 --> 01:31:13,795
between the pumpkin and the apple.

2517
01:31:14,814 --> 01:31:15,314
No.

2518
01:31:16,255 --> 01:31:16,755
No.

2519
01:31:18,015 --> 01:31:21,055
Anyway Anyhoo. Yep. All of that. We can

2520
01:31:21,055 --> 01:31:23,239
we can do the great pie debate on

2521
01:31:23,239 --> 01:31:25,079
Friday as well. And and silent, yeah, we

2522
01:31:25,079 --> 01:31:27,640
can't talk about every night, but we started

2523
01:31:27,640 --> 01:31:29,659
the debate and we will end it Friday.

2524
01:31:30,600 --> 01:31:33,500
No. It'll just be around 55 or something.

2525
01:31:35,414 --> 01:31:38,295
Certain debates just are ongoing and can never

2526
01:31:38,295 --> 01:31:39,194
be fully solved.

2527
01:31:39,494 --> 01:31:40,234
That's true.

2528
01:31:40,694 --> 01:31:43,655
Except the bacon one because the last the

2529
01:31:43,655 --> 01:31:45,734
last time we debated that, I won, and

2530
01:31:45,734 --> 01:31:47,814
I knew I was right. Crunchy is the

2531
01:31:47,814 --> 01:31:48,795
superior bacon.

2532
01:31:51,529 --> 01:31:54,569
Anyway Anyhoo. We'll talk about that on Friday

2533
01:31:54,569 --> 01:31:56,270
probably, except if we forget

2534
01:31:56,810 --> 01:31:58,569
Right. And we find something else to talk

2535
01:31:58,569 --> 01:32:01,850
about. Mhmm. So with with that, if you

2536
01:32:01,850 --> 01:32:03,930
somehow managed to stick around to this bitter

2537
01:32:03,930 --> 01:32:06,454
end, we appreciate you more than you know.

2538
01:32:06,675 --> 01:32:08,435
Mhmm. This is gonna be one of those

2539
01:32:08,435 --> 01:32:10,835
episodes I walk away going, oh my god.

2540
01:32:10,835 --> 01:32:13,314
I can't believe I said that. Mhmm. Pick

2541
01:32:13,314 --> 01:32:15,255
a that, any that. Any that. Yeah.

2542
01:32:15,875 --> 01:32:18,750
So yeah. Thanks. K. Thanks for being here.

2543
01:32:18,829 --> 01:32:20,689
Mhmm. We appreciate you.

2544
01:32:22,189 --> 01:32:23,789
We will hopefully talk to you on Friday.

2545
01:32:23,789 --> 01:32:25,630
If not, we'll be back next week. Yeah.

2546
01:32:25,630 --> 01:32:27,569
Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.