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You're listening to Loving BDSM

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podcast. Kayla Lords here with the one, the

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only other guy who gets this sweet little

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smile when he hears his dog, John Brownstone.

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Tell me why I get a sweet smile

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when I hear my baby girl. Somehow I

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don't believe that. I I feel like those

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smiles are 2 different expressions.

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Well, you know. Just is I feel pretty

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certain of that.

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Lola's got the innocence of being a dog.

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True.

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I know how to get under your skin

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better than anybody on this planet. And push

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buttons and Not on purpose, though. That's true.

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That's true. You don't. You don't do it

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intentionally. You're not an intentional button pusher, but

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you But I'm expert level. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

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For sure. For sure. That's not what we're

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talking about. No. I was like, no. No.

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This week, we're answering a question from a

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submissive who wants to get back to a

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more primal CNC, sadomasochistic

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way of playing with their partner, but old

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memories from another relationship are holding them back.

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Welcome to the Living BDSM podcast. If you're

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new here, we help kinksters like you have

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happy, healthy power exchange relationships.

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Add the podcast to your favorite podcast app

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so you never miss an episode. And if

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you'd like us to answer your question in

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a future one of these, use the contact

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page on our website. It's literally labeled ask

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your questions. Our website's at lovingbdsm.net.

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Or

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if you have a show notes page that

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actually shows you links, it's there too. So

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lovingbdsm.net

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or the show notes page. Okay. Let's get

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right into the question. And it is a

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long one, but I felt like all of

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it was important for context. So here we

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go. Alright. Let's, rock and roll. How do

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I rekindle the sadistic spark in my kinky

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nesting relationship and move past some difficult associations

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these kinks carry for me? Hello. I'm a

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32 year old submissive masochistic woman in a

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lovely long term relationship with my husband and

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dominant. I'm poly, but not dating anyone else

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right now. Our relationship has kink and d

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s sprinkled in among the other things we've

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poured into it for the last 12 years

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of building our life together. We're very compatible

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and we explored kink from when we first

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began dating in our twenties.

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Probably due to new relationship energy and how

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much simpler life was back then, we did

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a lot more robust and brutal s and

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m of a primal consensual nonconsent variety.

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I really love this, partially because I have

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a very busy ADHD brain, and I find

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that being overpowered and overwhelmed with the right

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kind of sensations and words lets me be

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in my feelings rather than a superhighway of

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thoughts. I'm very pliable and servile when I'm

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in subspace, and lucky for me, my husband

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loves holding and directing that power.

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There have been two factors that have led

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to a tapering off of our more sadomasochistic

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play over time. The first is that life

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is very full now. We have old relationship

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energy and more on our plates. The romance

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sex in DS are still there. We've speculated

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that because we know one another so well,

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it can be hard to delve into more

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role play style C and C or torture

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scenes where we're still us but there's a

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bit of quote acting.

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The familiarity of our own home might even

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be a factor.

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The second factor is a bad experience I

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had with a shitty sadist dom a few

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years ago. He wasn't abusive during scenes. Indeed,

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he was very controlled and intense.

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He connected through sadism in a way neither

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of us had felt in some time. Even

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back then, I observed that part of what

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facilitated the intensity of our scenes was that

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we weren't embedded in one another's lives, so

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there was anticipation and, for me, the feeling

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of being out of my element when I

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visited his home.

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One day he, do newer sadist Dom, revealed

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that he had lied about a lot. He

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dumped me almost instantly, and I never saw

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him again. It had been a year of

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dynamic, so I was very shocked and hurt.

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But it turns out that I'm not the

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only woman he's done this to. It took

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me a while to get over

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being discarded by a dom I trusted, but

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I've healed in most ways. However, there's a

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lingering association I still have between certain sadistic

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acts and him. And sadly, it's the primal

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CNC torture style

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of play I want to rekindle with my

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husband.

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This stuff isn't triggering like a reminder of

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abuse, but it's almost like those kinks were

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last done with him, had all those intense

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DS feelings poured into them, and then there

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was betrayal and abandonment without any closure.

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I've discussed all of this with my husband

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who is very supportive and wants me to

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find closure first and foremost, but also wants

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us to spark up this style of s

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and m, c and c play again if

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possible.

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These interests existed long before the shitty sadist

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dom. I'd like for them to stop being

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something I flinch away from because I fear

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that the intensity of those circumstances

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is something I can't create anew with my

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husband and that it's not an option for

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me anymore. The thought of that saddens me

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deeply.

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I'm confident that I'm doing this for the

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right reasons, but then my anxiety kicks in

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and tells me I'm using kink to cope

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with the fallout of shitty sadistam

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even though I'm not. I just wanna reclaim

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what was already mine to begin with. I've

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been to therapy and have a good grasp

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of my mental health. I'm looking more for

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pointers about framing, actions, and even rituals to

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reclaim and respark.

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Wow. Mhmm.

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Yeah. That's that's a lot. It is it's

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a lot. I like that this person has

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put a lot of thought into it, is

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very self aware, clearly has done the introspection

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Absolutely. Kinda know what is happening and even

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why. Yeah. Now it's that okay, but what

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do we do about it part that can

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be so difficult.

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So the hard part is I don't think

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there is just a, oh, just do these

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2 or 3 things and ta da. No.

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It it there isn't because,

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I mean, wow.

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After a year, 6 months

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of which was the dynamic,

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you know, to just be like, nope. I

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lied about everything. I'm out of here. Gone.

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You know? Poof.

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That is a huge betrayal of trust.

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So I can definitely understand

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where their head is at, where they're coming

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from with this. Okay? Because, yeah, that's a

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huge

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huge

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breach of trust.

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And and even though it

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did not come from her

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husband,

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her her has has hasdom,

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you know,

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it's still there

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Right. To this person. Yeah. The familiarity

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of the the scene and the scenario is

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enough

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to go back into a headspace that Right.

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Yeah. So, you know, one, I would certainly

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say they talk about that they are in

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therapy

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or have been to therapy. Right.

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Hopefully, it's a kink aware. That would certainly

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make life a little easier. You know, it

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would make a life life a little bit

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easier

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and,

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you know, maybe bring some of this up

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to the therapist.

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Right. And if if your therapist is not

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kink aware

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or you don't even want to go through

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the energy of trying to find out, maybe

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talk about

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what your anxiety is doing to you so

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that Mhmm. You you know rationally

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that this is not a thing that's happening,

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but your anxiety is like, oh, look at

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you. You're just using Yeah. You know, kink

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in a way that's not not good.

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That's an internal thought process that's coming from

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somewhere. You know?

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Anxiety being it. But, like, sometimes that the

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mean

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voice in our head is a is a

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person who who

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treated us badly in the past or somebody

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in our formative life who just said enough

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of the wrong things, and now they're the

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voice stuck in our head. Yeah. So even

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if you can't talk to your therapist about

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the actual kink part,

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maybe talk to them about how your anxiety

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is intruding, and maybe there are some tips

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and tricks that they can offer to help

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you work through that.

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The thing that came to my mind, because

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I don't think

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that I don't think that there is a

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perfect solution to this. Mhmm.

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A couple a few things. 1,

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we all want closure, and we aren't all

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always going to get it. Yeah. I know.

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Not, I think, in the way most of

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us envision what closure might be. I think

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there is more acceptance and then a you

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never

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forget. You never, you know, quote, get over

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it necessarily, but you move on from it.

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Mhmm. And you might not be quite at

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that point. You're clearly along the path, but

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maybe there's just a little bit more time

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that needs to pass.

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But

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a couple things

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that came to mind.

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1,

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if it's available to you,

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can you get out of your house and

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can you get an Airbnb

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or a hotel room or you know, there

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are kinky Airbnbs.

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You mostly have to look, like, through Google

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and FetLife. You're not gonna find it on

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Airbnb

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usually saying we're the kinky one. Yeah. But,

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you know, is it possible several that have

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popped up here in Florida recently. It's given

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me business ideas. I just don't have time

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or resources. Yeah.

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So is it possible that maybe not right

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now, not immediately, but you can plan for

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a future getaway trip

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where

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you can get out of the comfort of

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your own home and get into that part

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of the head space of, this I'm not

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familiar with this, this. I don't know what

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could happen here because I've never been in

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this space.

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I don't think it has to be a

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kink dedicated space, but I think that the

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comfort level of knowing

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this space is designated for kink might take

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some some pressure off. Mhmm. You're not too

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worried about damaging a place that's built for

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wild things to happen.

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But maybe a hotel room. Maybe a who

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knows? Right? Yeah. Is there a way you

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and your husband can get away

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for a night, a weekend, a whatever, and

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00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:37,389
get some level of privacy

267
00:09:37,850 --> 00:09:39,290
to scene in that way again? So you

268
00:09:39,290 --> 00:09:41,290
get out of your room, your bedroom. Now

269
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,290
here's here's another thing I thought of alone,

270
00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:45,774
and that that's a great thought, because sometimes,

271
00:09:45,774 --> 00:09:47,134
you know, you just need to step away

272
00:09:47,134 --> 00:09:50,575
from things. But now, here's here's another layer

273
00:09:50,575 --> 00:09:52,894
to add to that, maybe. You know, when

274
00:09:52,894 --> 00:09:56,139
you've seen with this other Dom, you know,

275
00:09:56,139 --> 00:09:58,299
I'm I'm sure you had certain scenes that

276
00:09:58,299 --> 00:10:01,120
you that you did that were done. Maybe

277
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:02,639
what you need to do

278
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,120
is come up with some different scenes

279
00:10:05,580 --> 00:10:06,799
in the same vein,

280
00:10:07,179 --> 00:10:07,679
so

281
00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:11,095
it it's not that. It's different enough. It's

282
00:10:11,095 --> 00:10:14,455
different enough that it's not, you know, bringing

283
00:10:14,455 --> 00:10:16,695
you back to those memories. Right, and it

284
00:10:16,695 --> 00:10:18,695
it, you kinda wanna turn a page and

285
00:10:18,695 --> 00:10:21,254
do something maybe you've never done before. Right.

286
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,934
It will probably take a lot more planning

287
00:10:22,934 --> 00:10:24,539
than your typical thing. You might have to

288
00:10:24,539 --> 00:10:26,379
do some more research. It might take longer

289
00:10:26,379 --> 00:10:28,620
to make happen. Yeah. But, yeah, do do

290
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,620
something that you're like, we I've never done

291
00:10:30,620 --> 00:10:33,759
this with anybody. Mhmm. So there's no memories,

292
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:35,279
at least, of the activity

293
00:10:35,745 --> 00:10:37,504
attached to another part of it. Yeah. I

294
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,585
think that's a good idea. Mhmm. Another one,

295
00:10:39,585 --> 00:10:40,884
and this is the boring

296
00:10:41,345 --> 00:10:44,384
idea. Uh-oh. But in my experience with, like,

297
00:10:44,384 --> 00:10:45,524
all parts of life,

298
00:10:46,144 --> 00:10:48,884
the boring ideas tend to actually work.

299
00:10:49,424 --> 00:10:50,340
And that is

300
00:10:50,820 --> 00:10:51,960
instead of

301
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:55,460
thinking about planning, trying to execute a full

302
00:10:55,460 --> 00:10:58,680
on torture, primal, CNC scene,

303
00:10:59,379 --> 00:11:02,420
are there small things that you and your

304
00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:03,720
partner can negotiate

305
00:11:04,420 --> 00:11:06,434
now, like, outside of the moment

306
00:11:06,894 --> 00:11:07,394
that

307
00:11:08,014 --> 00:11:10,735
you would be willing to allow to happen

308
00:11:10,735 --> 00:11:13,855
so that your partner can, when the timing

309
00:11:13,855 --> 00:11:14,514
is right,

310
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,215
do something that's a little primal c and

311
00:11:17,215 --> 00:11:17,715
c,

312
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:20,769
maybe even torture you on a very small

313
00:11:20,769 --> 00:11:21,269
level.

314
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,509
Not for a full on scene.

315
00:11:23,889 --> 00:11:25,889
Maybe and, you know, you can you have

316
00:11:25,889 --> 00:11:27,730
to know yourself here of how much surprise

317
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:28,629
you can handle.

318
00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:29,590
But

319
00:11:30,129 --> 00:11:31,809
I have a feeling that part of what

320
00:11:31,809 --> 00:11:32,470
you need

321
00:11:33,105 --> 00:11:35,424
is to remember what it feels like when

322
00:11:35,424 --> 00:11:35,924
your

323
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:36,804
husband,

324
00:11:37,345 --> 00:11:38,725
that dominant partner,

325
00:11:39,904 --> 00:11:42,865
sort of catches you unaware. Mhmm. I'm I'm

326
00:11:42,865 --> 00:11:44,865
using this term in the the kinky CNC

327
00:11:44,865 --> 00:11:47,159
way, scares you. Right? Yeah. So instead of

328
00:11:47,159 --> 00:11:49,079
trying to do this real big elaborate thing,

329
00:11:49,079 --> 00:11:50,379
what's a small thing?

330
00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,079
Is it one of those things where, you

331
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,740
know, at at the certain specific right time,

332
00:11:56,439 --> 00:11:57,100
you know,

333
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,245
he could be like, run.

334
00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:01,384
And the point is not who knows what's

335
00:12:01,384 --> 00:12:03,464
gonna happen at the end, but if chasing

336
00:12:03,464 --> 00:12:05,464
is part of your thing, you run and

337
00:12:05,464 --> 00:12:07,945
you play catch Yeah. In a kinky way,

338
00:12:07,945 --> 00:12:10,524
or he bends you over something, or he

339
00:12:10,919 --> 00:12:13,159
would you know, gets real close in your

340
00:12:13,159 --> 00:12:15,240
ear and says a thing that doesn't even

341
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:16,779
lead to action, but is

342
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,879
the right words to hit your personal buttons

343
00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:22,360
Mhmm. And you slowly work up to more

344
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,120
and more things, I think that is where

345
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,004
you will gain more confidence Right. In remembering

346
00:12:27,065 --> 00:12:30,105
what it feels like with that kind of

347
00:12:30,105 --> 00:12:31,404
play from

348
00:12:31,865 --> 00:12:33,705
this partner that you're with that you wanna

349
00:12:33,705 --> 00:12:36,504
get back to. And it's, you know, it's

350
00:12:36,504 --> 00:12:38,684
not necessarily as fun, exciting

351
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,220
as whatever

352
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,080
as an hour long scene where you're wiped

353
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,080
out at the end. Mhmm. But sometimes it

354
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,980
doesn't have to be to remind yourself of,

355
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:49,799
oh, wait. That's right. This is what this

356
00:12:49,799 --> 00:12:50,779
feels like

357
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,894
without the pressure and the memories of shitty

358
00:12:54,894 --> 00:12:57,455
sadist domino. Now something I I just thought

359
00:12:57,455 --> 00:12:59,855
of, maybe it's maybe it's something, maybe it's

360
00:12:59,855 --> 00:13:01,235
not, but, you know, hey.

361
00:13:02,095 --> 00:13:04,835
Improv. Sounds like my personal nightmare, but sure.

362
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,075
Other people handle it really well.

363
00:13:07,774 --> 00:13:09,634
Well, I I guess what I'm saying is,

364
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,370
you know, a lot of times

365
00:13:11,909 --> 00:13:15,769
people plan out Mhmm. A scene. Mhmm. Okay?

366
00:13:16,870 --> 00:13:18,230
You know, and and you may be thinking,

367
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:19,750
oh, well, you know, I wanna plan out

368
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:22,070
this scene, you know, that it it's gonna

369
00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:24,389
involve some CNC, it's gonna involve Carmel, you

370
00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:25,544
know, it's gonna involve this.

371
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:27,945
Maybe that's not the way to go right

372
00:13:27,945 --> 00:13:28,445
now.

373
00:13:30,024 --> 00:13:32,424
Depending on the type of of relationship you

374
00:13:32,424 --> 00:13:33,404
have with your husband,

375
00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:36,584
you know, what if you just said, you

376
00:13:36,584 --> 00:13:39,404
know, or a playtime was set up

377
00:13:39,865 --> 00:13:40,924
without really

378
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:42,320
choreographing

379
00:13:43,420 --> 00:13:44,960
a scene. Set the boundaries.

380
00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:47,500
Mhmm. And then the rest just happens as

381
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,180
it happens. And let the rest happen as

382
00:13:49,180 --> 00:13:49,920
it happens.

383
00:13:50,379 --> 00:13:50,879
Mhmm.

384
00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:53,740
Okay? And maybe, you know, that could be

385
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,379
Especially if you as the submissive are getting

386
00:13:56,379 --> 00:13:57,634
stuck in your own head,

387
00:13:58,175 --> 00:14:00,335
so then it's harder to plan a scene.

388
00:14:00,335 --> 00:14:02,975
It's harder to negotiate. Let's let's do this

389
00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:03,795
kind of scene.

390
00:14:04,415 --> 00:14:06,975
If the communication and trust is there and

391
00:14:06,975 --> 00:14:08,995
you know that at any point, you can

392
00:14:09,055 --> 00:14:11,100
wave the white flag or your partner will

393
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,820
check-in or whatever your ways of trying to

394
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,039
mitigate risk are,

395
00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:19,120
and you feel comfortable enough with that. Right?

396
00:14:19,899 --> 00:14:21,899
Yeah. I think I think the sort of

397
00:14:21,899 --> 00:14:23,740
the surprise of it happening in the moment

398
00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,725
knowing that there are there are boundary lines,

399
00:14:25,725 --> 00:14:28,125
like, you've you've put up the fence line.

400
00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:30,445
Your boundaries are your boundaries regardless. Yeah. And

401
00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:33,004
you know what could happen within that, but

402
00:14:33,004 --> 00:14:33,504
you're

403
00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:37,500
assuming your dominant is willing. Right. But he's

404
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,500
controlling the action, and all you have to

405
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,220
do is react with knowing a few less

406
00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:42,720
details.

407
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,019
If that spikes your anxiety, don't. Don't. Don't.

408
00:14:45,019 --> 00:14:48,000
Don't. Don't. Don't. But if it's intriguing, again,

409
00:14:48,059 --> 00:14:49,845
I think it goes back to sometimes things

410
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:51,365
are intriguing, but it's it feels like a

411
00:14:51,365 --> 00:14:52,964
step too far. I think you can do

412
00:14:52,964 --> 00:14:53,464
that,

413
00:14:53,845 --> 00:14:56,424
and within that, do something very small

414
00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:58,804
just to get that muscle memory back of,

415
00:14:58,804 --> 00:15:00,725
oh, yeah. That's what this feels like, or,

416
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,324
oh, wow. I wasn't expecting it now. And

417
00:15:02,324 --> 00:15:03,799
then you do get the heart racing thing,

418
00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:06,279
and you get the, you know, not quite

419
00:15:06,279 --> 00:15:09,419
choreographed reaction. Yeah. You know? And it's your

420
00:15:10,439 --> 00:15:11,419
honest reaction,

421
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,879
and you know that, hey. If, you know,

422
00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:15,480
we have our signal in place. If if

423
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,184
this is this was the wrong move, I

424
00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:18,945
can stop it right here kinda thing. Mhmm.

425
00:15:18,945 --> 00:15:19,985
Mhmm. But, yeah, I think

426
00:15:21,585 --> 00:15:23,684
look. Role play is my personal nightmare.

427
00:15:24,225 --> 00:15:26,945
Improv is just another level that, oh oh,

428
00:15:26,945 --> 00:15:29,365
no. But if that appeals,

429
00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:32,740
especially the superhighway of thoughts and the ADHD

430
00:15:32,879 --> 00:15:35,279
brain that can go, you know, a 1000000

431
00:15:35,279 --> 00:15:37,540
miles a minute, I do relate there.

432
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,920
I think, yeah, if that resonates, I think

433
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,420
that that could certainly be a way where

434
00:15:42,559 --> 00:15:45,495
you definitely don't have control over this.

435
00:15:46,134 --> 00:15:48,554
And you're doing this with a trusted partner

436
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,934
who has your best interest at heart, but

437
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:52,534
also probably knows how to push all of

438
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:53,195
your buttons.

439
00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:55,894
I'm just saying. Yeah. I think that's a

440
00:15:55,894 --> 00:15:57,274
good idea too. Okay.

441
00:15:58,899 --> 00:16:00,899
Anything else that you would you would add?

442
00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:02,519
Good. Yeah. So

443
00:16:02,899 --> 00:16:05,059
talk to your therapist about that anxiety spike

444
00:16:05,059 --> 00:16:06,360
if if that's an option.

445
00:16:06,740 --> 00:16:09,299
Start small. Do some improv. Get out of

446
00:16:09,299 --> 00:16:11,540
the house. Again, some of those are long

447
00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:12,820
term goals. You might have to save up

448
00:16:12,820 --> 00:16:14,205
for it. You might have to plan and,

449
00:16:14,285 --> 00:16:16,524
you know, schedule time off, whatever, but that

450
00:16:16,524 --> 00:16:18,924
can be part of the anticipation too because

451
00:16:18,924 --> 00:16:20,605
you can talk about all of your ideas.

452
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,524
You can do the small things around your

453
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:25,004
own home in the safety of home and

454
00:16:25,004 --> 00:16:27,804
then have that big trip planned, and who

455
00:16:27,804 --> 00:16:30,529
knows what might happen. Mhmm. But, also,

456
00:16:30,910 --> 00:16:32,750
as you're going about this and you're trying

457
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:35,090
to find the different ways to

458
00:16:35,470 --> 00:16:36,610
move this forward,

459
00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:39,550
try not to put too much pressure on

460
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:42,850
yourself. This is a time thing. You were

461
00:16:43,715 --> 00:16:44,215
abruptly

462
00:16:44,995 --> 00:16:45,815
left brokenhearted

463
00:16:46,115 --> 00:16:48,514
and betrayed. Right? Like, that's not a thing

464
00:16:48,514 --> 00:16:50,995
that you just shrug off the next day.

465
00:16:50,995 --> 00:16:53,394
Most people can never just shrug something that

466
00:16:53,475 --> 00:16:56,129
like that off. That's a time thing. And

467
00:16:56,129 --> 00:16:57,649
I imagine that the fact that you're back

468
00:16:57,649 --> 00:16:59,889
to this point of wanting to do these

469
00:16:59,889 --> 00:17:00,629
things again

470
00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:03,330
shows just how much the healing process has

471
00:17:03,330 --> 00:17:04,930
happened. It may just be you need a

472
00:17:04,930 --> 00:17:06,529
little bit more time. So I'm gonna say

473
00:17:06,529 --> 00:17:08,130
the dreaded p word. It is a word

474
00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:10,565
I hate most of all. Sometimes it just

475
00:17:10,565 --> 00:17:12,345
requires patience. But in the meantime,

476
00:17:13,045 --> 00:17:16,164
do small things. Do different things. I when

477
00:17:16,164 --> 00:17:18,244
when you said, just do something you never

478
00:17:18,244 --> 00:17:19,384
did with that guy,

479
00:17:19,684 --> 00:17:22,419
that was like, yes. Mhmm. Yes. Because sometimes

480
00:17:22,419 --> 00:17:23,480
it's that association

481
00:17:23,859 --> 00:17:25,460
of, but I know I like this, so

482
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,940
I did something like that with both, even

483
00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:29,299
if it was a different kind of scene.

484
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:31,880
Right? Similar sensations or similar experiences,

485
00:17:32,339 --> 00:17:34,679
change it up. Do something completely different. Mhmm.

486
00:17:34,819 --> 00:17:36,275
Hopefully, some of that

487
00:17:36,575 --> 00:17:37,394
is helpful.

488
00:17:38,255 --> 00:17:40,654
I mean, take what resonates, reject the rest.

489
00:17:40,654 --> 00:17:42,255
Mhmm. That that's all you can ever do.

490
00:17:42,255 --> 00:17:44,654
So True. Hopefully, you can get back to

491
00:17:44,654 --> 00:17:47,775
some, torture y, primal y, CNC play. Fun

492
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,875
fun stuff. So this is impossible. Right.

493
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,519
Thanks for listening to this week's q and

494
00:17:53,519 --> 00:17:54,960
a episode. If you want us to answer

495
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,720
one of your questions, just use the contact

496
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,180
page on our website at lovingbdsm.net,

497
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,400
or you can find the link in the

498
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,160
show notes. Big thanks as always to our

499
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,480
kinky community over on Patreon. We're able to

500
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,215
do this podcast and keep it going and

501
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,855
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502
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,134
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503
00:18:10,134 --> 00:18:12,215
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504
00:18:12,215 --> 00:18:13,815
server with a group of super cool, super

505
00:18:13,815 --> 00:18:15,815
nice kinksters, you can do that. Just join

506
00:18:15,815 --> 00:18:16,555
us at patreon.com/kayla

507
00:18:17,495 --> 00:18:18,715
lords. That's patreon.com/kayla

508
00:18:20,215 --> 00:18:22,019
lords or use the link in the show

509
00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:27,779
notes.