1
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,684
You're listening to the loving BDSM podcast, episode

2
00:00:13,824 --> 00:00:14,564
4 11,

3
00:00:14,865 --> 00:00:15,365
411.

4
00:00:15,904 --> 00:00:18,564
What's the 411? I've just aged myself.

5
00:00:18,864 --> 00:00:22,064
Does 411 even still exist in a world

6
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,445
of mostly cell phones?

7
00:00:23,984 --> 00:00:25,984
I don't know. Kendall Lord's here with 1,

8
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:29,100
the only v. He's all often wondering, how

9
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:30,460
the hell did I end up here with

10
00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:32,320
this crazy lady? Yeah. John Brownstone.

11
00:00:33,179 --> 00:00:35,179
Look. If I was if I didn't offer

12
00:00:35,179 --> 00:00:37,340
any joy and light and fun and love

13
00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:39,259
to your life, we would not be here

14
00:00:39,259 --> 00:00:41,195
now. That's true. But that means you gotta

15
00:00:41,195 --> 00:00:43,054
take the good with the bad

16
00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:45,695
because that's the facts of life.

17
00:00:46,554 --> 00:00:47,614
The facts of life.

18
00:00:48,234 --> 00:00:50,094
I can't remember the whole song.

19
00:00:52,234 --> 00:00:53,354
Hang on. No. Let's,

20
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,880
carry on with the reason we're here. Oh,

21
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,120
for the record, because I don't know if

22
00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:58,520
this,

23
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,600
is an indication of what is to come

24
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,920
in this episode. I did tell JB right

25
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,719
before we started recording this moment right now

26
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,774
that that I've been having a bad brain

27
00:01:09,774 --> 00:01:10,274
week.

28
00:01:10,734 --> 00:01:14,034
My executive dysfunction is just just awful,

29
00:01:14,655 --> 00:01:17,055
and my thoughts are running away with me.

30
00:01:17,055 --> 00:01:19,534
And I think I think that's called fair

31
00:01:19,534 --> 00:01:21,534
warning. That could be inter make it interesting.

32
00:01:21,534 --> 00:01:23,400
Yes. Think you've been warned, Mhmm. JB.

33
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:26,760
Anyway

34
00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:28,680
Anyhoo's

35
00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:31,140
That's what's gonna happen, but that's not what

36
00:01:31,140 --> 00:01:32,819
we're here to talk about. This week, we're

37
00:01:32,819 --> 00:01:34,840
continuing our back to basics series

38
00:01:35,459 --> 00:01:37,239
with an episode on the

39
00:01:37,625 --> 00:01:39,465
biggest topic of them all, maybe the 2nd

40
00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:41,864
biggest. Maybe it's tied with another c word,

41
00:01:41,864 --> 00:01:43,084
but it's on consent.

42
00:01:43,545 --> 00:01:46,905
Mhmm. The other biggest is communication. Mhmm. Yeah.

43
00:01:46,905 --> 00:01:50,185
Yeah. Anyway, welcome to the Living BDSM podcast.

44
00:01:50,185 --> 00:01:51,784
If this is your first time listening, glad

45
00:01:51,784 --> 00:01:53,560
to have you. Yes. It's like this all

46
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,079
the time. If you're back for another week,

47
00:01:55,079 --> 00:01:57,480
welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday

48
00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,400
Friday for your kinky pleasure in education and

49
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,780
show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

50
00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:03,400
Come back often and feel free to add

51
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,734
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. Can

52
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:08,135
also follow the show on Fetlife at loving

53
00:02:08,135 --> 00:02:10,474
BDSM PC. The PC is dance for podcast.

54
00:02:11,175 --> 00:02:13,574
On Instagram and technically threads at that handle,

55
00:02:13,574 --> 00:02:16,694
I will forever fucking hate for as long

56
00:02:16,694 --> 00:02:17,460
as I shall

57
00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:21,300
live. Loving d s and the number one.

58
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:24,260
So it's at loving d s one. I

59
00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:27,000
hate that handle. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving

60
00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:29,700
BDSM, where you can watch us live stream

61
00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:31,704
the podcast every Wednesday. All All links are

62
00:02:31,704 --> 00:02:32,685
in the show notes.

63
00:02:33,384 --> 00:02:35,625
By the way, are you looking for more

64
00:02:35,625 --> 00:02:37,465
ways than just listening to our podcast to

65
00:02:37,465 --> 00:02:39,384
improve your kinky life and have a happier,

66
00:02:39,384 --> 00:02:39,884
healthier

67
00:02:40,264 --> 00:02:41,405
power exchange relationship?

68
00:02:42,104 --> 00:02:44,824
The kink bundle is back for another year.

69
00:02:44,824 --> 00:02:45,724
This is a

70
00:02:46,104 --> 00:02:48,129
massive bundle of content, education,

71
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,169
access

72
00:02:50,269 --> 00:02:53,069
to membership and apps and courses and, oh

73
00:02:53,069 --> 00:02:53,569
my,

74
00:02:54,110 --> 00:02:55,250
for only $99,

75
00:02:56,989 --> 00:02:57,889
and only

76
00:02:58,189 --> 00:03:00,370
until Wednesday, September 18th.

77
00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:03,655
So if this is of interest to you,

78
00:03:03,794 --> 00:03:05,235
you need to jump on it as soon

79
00:03:05,235 --> 00:03:07,155
as you can. So it's only $99, but

80
00:03:07,155 --> 00:03:09,175
if you had to buy everything in it,

81
00:03:09,635 --> 00:03:10,935
that would be, $22100.

82
00:03:11,635 --> 00:03:14,615
So it really is a huge, huge discount.

83
00:03:15,155 --> 00:03:17,439
We have included for this year a brand

84
00:03:17,439 --> 00:03:19,199
new workbook that is not even available on

85
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,199
our Etsy shop yet, y'all. It's called Punishment

86
00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:23,039
and Rewards, Finding What's Right for Your DS

87
00:03:23,039 --> 00:03:23,539
Relationship.

88
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,840
It is a bigger, badder, better version of

89
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:28,819
what we released,

90
00:03:29,439 --> 00:03:32,175
for the virtual summit earlier this year. So

91
00:03:32,175 --> 00:03:33,375
it's the full thing. You don't have to

92
00:03:33,375 --> 00:03:34,335
watch a video. You don't have to do

93
00:03:34,335 --> 00:03:35,455
any of that. You just can use the

94
00:03:35,455 --> 00:03:38,495
workbook and figure out if punishment rewards are

95
00:03:38,495 --> 00:03:39,715
right for your power exchange.

96
00:03:40,175 --> 00:03:41,534
But we are not the end all be

97
00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:44,189
all. There's so much more and so many

98
00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:46,689
other people as involved in The King Bundle.

99
00:03:46,750 --> 00:03:49,069
Some of whom include folks like Sunny Megatron

100
00:03:49,069 --> 00:03:51,550
and Evie Lupine and our dear friend, Princess

101
00:03:51,550 --> 00:03:53,409
Rara of The Pink King Podcast.

102
00:03:54,030 --> 00:03:54,530
Topics,

103
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:58,189
that are covered in The King Bundle, dirty

104
00:03:58,189 --> 00:03:59,250
talk, pervertibles,

105
00:03:59,925 --> 00:04:00,425
puppy

106
00:04:00,884 --> 00:04:02,824
play, BDSM, and ADHD,

107
00:04:03,364 --> 00:04:05,925
and how those two things can, like, go

108
00:04:05,925 --> 00:04:09,125
together. Commingle. OMG, and so much more, so

109
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,025
much more. So

110
00:04:10,324 --> 00:04:12,245
the link to get to the page to

111
00:04:12,245 --> 00:04:13,925
learn more about the kink bundle, to purchase

112
00:04:13,925 --> 00:04:15,800
it if you're interested, is in the show

113
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,379
notes, plus it's in this week's email newsletter,

114
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,839
plus it's all over our social media. We're

115
00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,420
posting it everywhere we can. So if your

116
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,959
podcast app does not, like, show the show

117
00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:26,939
notes and the links,

118
00:04:27,399 --> 00:04:29,295
it's everywhere. You can get it.

119
00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:31,775
Yeah. And when it's gone, it's gone. And

120
00:04:31,775 --> 00:04:33,455
the next time it comes out, it's something

121
00:04:33,455 --> 00:04:36,735
different. So if the stuff in the kink

122
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:39,235
bundle this time is of interest to you,

123
00:04:39,455 --> 00:04:41,154
get it while you can. It's only $99.

124
00:04:41,959 --> 00:04:45,160
It goes away after Wednesday, September 18th, y'all,

125
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,560
so time is limited. Yep. Get it while

126
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:48,220
it's hot.

127
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:49,100
Yep.

128
00:04:49,639 --> 00:04:51,879
Okay. So before we get into the topic

129
00:04:52,039 --> 00:04:54,495
Mhmm. Am I procrastinating? Meep maybe a little

130
00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:57,694
bit. Because it's a big one and, of

131
00:04:57,694 --> 00:04:59,314
course, I always wanna do it justice. Anyway,

132
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:00,834
we got notes. It'll be fine.

133
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,314
We are once again sponsored by us,

134
00:05:04,574 --> 00:05:06,654
partly because it fits with this series, partly

135
00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:08,095
because I'm very proud of a thing I've

136
00:05:08,095 --> 00:05:08,754
been doing.

137
00:05:10,189 --> 00:05:12,589
Loving BDS on Etsy shop has air quote

138
00:05:12,589 --> 00:05:14,430
because we are it and it is we

139
00:05:14,430 --> 00:05:15,810
and it's all one.

140
00:05:16,189 --> 00:05:18,050
Air quotes. And we're all together.

141
00:05:18,509 --> 00:05:19,009
Exactly.

142
00:05:21,310 --> 00:05:23,550
There's a good chance we're all just voices

143
00:05:23,550 --> 00:05:24,849
in my head, but, you know,

144
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,295
we're not gonna look too closely at that.

145
00:05:28,714 --> 00:05:29,214
Specifically

146
00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:31,915
for for the the purposes of hi, y'all.

147
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:32,735
We love y'all.

148
00:05:33,514 --> 00:05:35,855
We have our 30 days of DS workbooks,

149
00:05:35,915 --> 00:05:38,759
which are for folks who know they are

150
00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:40,680
kinky, know they wanna power exchange even if

151
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,920
you're not in one right now. So that's,

152
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,399
like, the reason I'm gonna mention the loving

153
00:05:45,399 --> 00:05:47,259
BDSM Etsy shop, but also.

154
00:05:48,439 --> 00:05:49,959
A second thing that I've been doing and

155
00:05:49,959 --> 00:05:51,720
that I've been really excited to do, so

156
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,044
I'll keep doing it until the dopamine runs

157
00:05:54,264 --> 00:05:55,724
out. I've been making

158
00:05:56,185 --> 00:05:57,884
printable coloring books

159
00:05:58,824 --> 00:05:59,324
featuring

160
00:05:59,704 --> 00:06:02,604
some kinksters, including my own favorite phrases

161
00:06:02,985 --> 00:06:05,724
in our relationship. I would say, yes, stat.

162
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,564
And he would call me

163
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:09,250
good

164
00:06:09,789 --> 00:06:12,750
Good girl. Right. And so the coloring books

165
00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:13,490
are different

166
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:15,250
honorific.

167
00:06:15,629 --> 00:06:18,289
So yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Yes.

168
00:06:18,829 --> 00:06:22,134
Good boy. Good bunny. Good. Oh, and I'm

169
00:06:22,134 --> 00:06:24,214
already done the second one, and I'm adding

170
00:06:24,214 --> 00:06:25,274
in different honorifics

171
00:06:26,134 --> 00:06:28,134
and very excited. I was supposed to make

172
00:06:28,134 --> 00:06:30,214
another one today, and I just ran it

173
00:06:30,214 --> 00:06:31,915
just it was a bad brain day.

174
00:06:32,294 --> 00:06:33,814
So check us out,

175
00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:36,920
Or check out our Etsy shop. It's where

176
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,060
we do all of our workbooks.

177
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,000
We've got planner sheets. We've got coloring books

178
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,100
now. We've got other fun stuff. So

179
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,660
we sponsored we again this week.

180
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:46,939
Okay.

181
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:49,004
This

182
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:53,884
topic, consent Mhmm. In power exchange specifically, because

183
00:06:53,884 --> 00:06:55,964
consent is, like, given everywhere. It's supposed to

184
00:06:55,964 --> 00:06:57,584
be understood for everything. Mhmm.

185
00:06:58,524 --> 00:07:00,225
In kink, it is, like,

186
00:07:00,685 --> 00:07:02,764
one of the most important tenets, the other

187
00:07:02,764 --> 00:07:04,439
most important tenant being communication.

188
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,240
Power exchange, you know, there should be consent

189
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,160
in all aspects, but sometimes you're in a

190
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,639
casual pickup play top bottom situation and that

191
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,800
there's a conversation about consent to have there,

192
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,544
but we focus on power change. So that's

193
00:07:17,544 --> 00:07:20,105
where this conversation is focusing. That does not

194
00:07:20,105 --> 00:07:22,204
mean that consent in other parts of BDSM

195
00:07:22,264 --> 00:07:23,785
are not important. They are, but this is

196
00:07:23,785 --> 00:07:24,444
our focus.

197
00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:25,485
So

198
00:07:25,785 --> 00:07:27,384
the thing with consent is we've been talking

199
00:07:27,384 --> 00:07:29,339
about it for literal years.

200
00:07:29,899 --> 00:07:34,000
Our first episode on consent is episode 30.

201
00:07:34,939 --> 00:07:35,439
So,

202
00:07:37,019 --> 00:07:38,939
this is a higher level look as part

203
00:07:38,939 --> 00:07:41,660
of our back to basics series to just

204
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:42,800
sort of reminders

205
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:45,685
for some folks, some major things to think

206
00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:47,064
about in terms of consent.

207
00:07:47,685 --> 00:07:49,204
But there's so much more to be said

208
00:07:49,204 --> 00:07:49,865
about consent

209
00:07:50,245 --> 00:07:51,845
that if you're like, yeah. But but I

210
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:53,764
have questions or but I wanna think more

211
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,685
deeply or but but what about this or

212
00:07:55,685 --> 00:07:56,185
whatever?

213
00:07:56,839 --> 00:07:59,079
I have linked to all the places we

214
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,220
have talked about consent,

215
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,519
both in the description box in YouTube and

216
00:08:02,519 --> 00:08:05,100
the show notes page for podcast listeners. So

217
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,639
it especially the deep archive stuff. Just to

218
00:08:07,639 --> 00:08:09,579
give you a little rundown, episode 30,

219
00:08:09,995 --> 00:08:10,814
episode 115,

220
00:08:11,435 --> 00:08:12,414
episode 182,

221
00:08:13,115 --> 00:08:14,175
episode 190,

222
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:15,294
minisode

223
00:08:15,754 --> 00:08:16,254
54,

224
00:08:17,115 --> 00:08:20,175
and episode 380, and that is not including

225
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,875
all the times and just other topics where

226
00:08:22,875 --> 00:08:24,019
consent comes up.

227
00:08:24,399 --> 00:08:27,279
So so we've talked about it. And in

228
00:08:27,279 --> 00:08:29,199
an effort to for this not to be

229
00:08:29,199 --> 00:08:30,579
a 10 hour episode,

230
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,840
we're gonna try and hit high level points

231
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:34,980
and things that

232
00:08:35,294 --> 00:08:36,834
are good to remember

233
00:08:37,695 --> 00:08:39,134
if it's been a while since you've been

234
00:08:39,134 --> 00:08:40,414
in a power exchange or if it's you've

235
00:08:40,414 --> 00:08:41,534
been in your power exchange for a very

236
00:08:41,534 --> 00:08:42,815
long time and you just don't think about

237
00:08:42,815 --> 00:08:44,975
these things as deeply anymore because it's kinda

238
00:08:44,975 --> 00:08:45,714
part of your

239
00:08:46,095 --> 00:08:47,714
routine, that kind of stuff.

240
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:48,995
So

241
00:08:51,769 --> 00:08:53,929
so let's and I do I we've got

242
00:08:53,929 --> 00:08:55,529
notes and bullet points, and JB is on

243
00:08:55,529 --> 00:08:57,049
the same page. I'm not springing any of

244
00:08:57,049 --> 00:08:59,870
this on him. No. So we're gonna start

245
00:09:01,209 --> 00:09:03,610
with what I I kinda call the gold

246
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,870
standard of what this sentence, and that is

247
00:09:06,134 --> 00:09:07,595
informed and enthusiastic.

248
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:11,035
If it ain't informed and enthusiastic,

249
00:09:11,894 --> 00:09:13,514
it's probably not a good idea.

250
00:09:14,774 --> 00:09:17,434
My thought is, in power exchange,

251
00:09:19,014 --> 00:09:21,860
like baby relationships that you just started, like,

252
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:24,500
5 minutes ago. If it's not informed and

253
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,960
enthusiastic, enthusiastic as a hell, fuck yeah. Mhmm.

254
00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:30,259
Slow your roll because you're not there to

255
00:09:30,259 --> 00:09:32,100
the nuances of what consent can look like

256
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,075
that we're gonna get into in this episode.

257
00:09:34,454 --> 00:09:36,554
So let's talk about informed and enthusiastic

258
00:09:37,414 --> 00:09:37,914
consent.

259
00:09:38,774 --> 00:09:39,274
Okay.

260
00:09:40,294 --> 00:09:43,894
What are your thoughts, daddy? Nice. Podcast listeners,

261
00:09:43,894 --> 00:09:45,014
you can't see it when you're just looking

262
00:09:45,014 --> 00:09:46,875
at me like, okay. Let's talk about it.

263
00:09:47,575 --> 00:09:48,090
K. Go

264
00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:52,190
ahead.

265
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:53,950
Oh my lord.

266
00:09:54,649 --> 00:09:56,809
You didn't I didn't give you consent to

267
00:09:56,809 --> 00:09:57,470
do that.

268
00:09:59,129 --> 00:09:59,629
To

269
00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:00,750
have

270
00:10:01,154 --> 00:10:04,215
you be participate in the podcast that's 50%

271
00:10:04,514 --> 00:10:05,175
your work?

272
00:10:08,355 --> 00:10:08,855
No.

273
00:10:10,595 --> 00:10:13,095
Consent is extremely important, especially

274
00:10:14,675 --> 00:10:15,975
informed consent.

275
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,110
It's very important to know what you are

276
00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:20,889
doing and what you are getting into.

277
00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:24,070
And what the plan is and what the

278
00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:26,570
plan is if the plan goes to shit

279
00:10:27,029 --> 00:10:29,350
and how things are gonna work. Informed is

280
00:10:29,350 --> 00:10:31,375
a we could probably do an entire episode

281
00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:33,955
on just what informed might mean. Yeah. Because

282
00:10:34,095 --> 00:10:34,995
it's not

283
00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:38,254
there's the what your power exchange is gonna

284
00:10:38,254 --> 00:10:40,335
look like ideally. Right? That's the thing you

285
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:40,835
negotiate.

286
00:10:41,615 --> 00:10:43,934
But then there's the day to day stuff.

287
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,235
So in power exchange,

288
00:10:45,639 --> 00:10:46,139
specifically,

289
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,200
we have routines and I have tasks and

290
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,139
rules and things I do daily.

291
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,839
And I know what those things are. All

292
00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:56,519
the things I didn't know how to do

293
00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:58,725
when we started, you taught me. That's part

294
00:10:58,725 --> 00:10:59,705
of being informed.

295
00:11:01,044 --> 00:11:03,764
The other half of being informed is if

296
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,924
I have a set of rules and routines

297
00:11:05,924 --> 00:11:08,085
that I have to follow and there's gonna

298
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:10,825
be something that gets in the way,

299
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:14,379
My job is to let JB know

300
00:11:14,759 --> 00:11:16,680
I I'm struggling to do this. I might

301
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:17,720
not be able to do this. This is

302
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,440
gonna be delayed. I literally cannot because if

303
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:21,820
I don't do that,

304
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,200
what it looks like is I just didn't

305
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,420
do the thing I agreed

306
00:11:26,415 --> 00:11:28,035
to do instead of

307
00:11:28,495 --> 00:11:30,095
explaining what the hell's going on with me.

308
00:11:30,095 --> 00:11:31,715
So in being informed

309
00:11:32,575 --> 00:11:35,535
goes both ways all as often and as

310
00:11:35,535 --> 00:11:38,274
much as possible. Yeah. And, you know,

311
00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:41,330
I think that's why,

312
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:42,769
you

313
00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:45,649
know, many years ago, I used to believe

314
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:48,990
in in the safe, sane, consensual. Sure. It

315
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:51,230
was the old gold standard for Right. You

316
00:11:51,230 --> 00:11:53,475
know? You know, long term ago. These these

317
00:11:53,475 --> 00:11:55,714
days, I'm I'm more along the lines of

318
00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:58,995
rack risk aware consensual kink. And that's evolved

319
00:11:58,995 --> 00:12:00,674
a couple more times in the sense of

320
00:12:00,835 --> 00:12:02,835
There's even more a couple things that, yes,

321
00:12:02,835 --> 00:12:04,534
that are now a little different.

322
00:12:04,835 --> 00:12:06,759
But, you know, you you need

323
00:12:07,139 --> 00:12:10,019
to be fully informed of, you know, not

324
00:12:10,019 --> 00:12:12,059
just the fun stuff that's gonna happen Right.

325
00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:13,699
During a scene, but you need to know

326
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:14,199
about

327
00:12:15,779 --> 00:12:18,439
the bad stuff that could happen. Right. Exactly.

328
00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:21,355
Because if you don't know all that, you

329
00:12:21,355 --> 00:12:21,855
cannot

330
00:12:22,794 --> 00:12:23,294
give

331
00:12:24,235 --> 00:12:26,955
truly full consent. Right, yeah. And the thing

332
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,855
is, is you can't plan for every single

333
00:12:30,075 --> 00:12:32,875
possible bad thing that can happen. No. But

334
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:33,130
by never having the conversation, then you're not

335
00:12:33,130 --> 00:12:35,320
planning for even the then you're not planning

336
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:35,559
for even the most common things that could

337
00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:36,379
go wrong.

338
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,480
Right. As a smallish example, when it comes

339
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,399
to using a new impact play toy, we

340
00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:41,019
have a a pretty

341
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,799
solid method that we recommend for others. There

342
00:12:43,799 --> 00:12:45,580
can be variations to this, but essentially,

343
00:12:50,575 --> 00:12:52,495
before JB comes at my ass with a

344
00:12:52,495 --> 00:12:55,134
paddle and wallops me till I'm crying, it

345
00:12:55,134 --> 00:12:56,894
goes a little bit like this. He picks

346
00:12:56,894 --> 00:12:58,014
it up. He holds it to get the

347
00:12:58,014 --> 00:12:59,774
weight, so he knows what he's holding. He

348
00:12:59,774 --> 00:13:01,455
hits it against his palm to get an

349
00:13:01,455 --> 00:13:03,230
idea of the weight. He hits it against

350
00:13:03,230 --> 00:13:05,230
his forearm. He'll probably hit it against the

351
00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:07,230
back of his own thigh. Then he's coming

352
00:13:07,230 --> 00:13:09,710
to me. And if it's a brand new

353
00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:11,470
sensation, it might he might do my arm

354
00:13:11,470 --> 00:13:12,990
or the top of my leg first just

355
00:13:12,990 --> 00:13:14,350
to kind of give me a sense of

356
00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:14,850
it.

357
00:13:15,485 --> 00:13:17,325
And this is after years of impact play

358
00:13:17,325 --> 00:13:19,245
together. And then he's gonna do, like, a

359
00:13:19,245 --> 00:13:21,565
light swat on my ass. Now if he's

360
00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:23,085
pretty sure, like, this is a thing we've

361
00:13:23,085 --> 00:13:24,764
played with before, it's just slightly different, he

362
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:27,085
he'll probably go harder because it has been

363
00:13:27,085 --> 00:13:27,985
over a decade.

364
00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:31,190
But we're gonna go through that process with

365
00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:32,230
every single

366
00:13:32,850 --> 00:13:34,690
new type of toy we try if we've

367
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:37,089
never played with it before, the material, the

368
00:13:37,089 --> 00:13:40,769
style, the whatever. Because informed means he has

369
00:13:40,769 --> 00:13:42,690
an idea of what it's probably gonna feel

370
00:13:42,690 --> 00:13:43,190
like.

371
00:13:43,504 --> 00:13:45,264
I get to have an idea of what

372
00:13:45,264 --> 00:13:46,404
it feels like

373
00:13:47,105 --> 00:13:49,445
before we're truly playing with it,

374
00:13:49,825 --> 00:13:51,584
and then we're gonna play with it. And

375
00:13:51,584 --> 00:13:53,904
then we're actually gonna go slowly into that

376
00:13:53,904 --> 00:13:56,304
play and build up so that at any

377
00:13:56,304 --> 00:13:58,259
point, I'm giving feedback of,

378
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,720
that's beyond the limit right there. That thing

379
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,720
you just did, don't That's your step too

380
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:03,220
far.

381
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,440
Backing on up. Pull it in a little

382
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:05,940
bit.

383
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:07,459
And that's

384
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,184
what informed looks like. And it means that

385
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,445
you have a lot of conversations. That's you

386
00:14:13,745 --> 00:14:14,304
know? We did an

387
00:14:15,184 --> 00:14:17,524
I think we did an episode ages ago,

388
00:14:17,985 --> 00:14:19,045
or we did something

389
00:14:19,585 --> 00:14:21,504
where we talk about what we consider our

390
00:14:21,504 --> 00:14:23,985
only two rules of BDSM in general, and

391
00:14:23,985 --> 00:14:26,629
that's communication and consent because you cannot have

392
00:14:26,629 --> 00:14:30,789
consent without full communication. Right? And informed means

393
00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:33,909
and this is a sticky one for folks.

394
00:14:33,909 --> 00:14:35,509
You do not have to give up your

395
00:14:35,509 --> 00:14:38,470
secrets to anybody. You get to have things

396
00:14:38,470 --> 00:14:39,769
that you keep private.

397
00:14:40,454 --> 00:14:41,514
That being said,

398
00:14:41,975 --> 00:14:44,394
if there are things that you are aware

399
00:14:45,095 --> 00:14:46,875
could be triggers for you,

400
00:14:48,134 --> 00:14:50,954
certain ways of being talked to, certain words

401
00:14:51,014 --> 00:14:54,855
used, certain ways and types and experiences with

402
00:14:54,855 --> 00:14:55,355
sensations,

403
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:59,149
you have to tell the partner who's about

404
00:14:59,149 --> 00:14:59,649
to

405
00:15:00,429 --> 00:15:02,830
wail on you, yell at you, or otherwise

406
00:15:02,830 --> 00:15:03,809
call you names

407
00:15:04,269 --> 00:15:05,629
that you have those triggers. You don't have

408
00:15:05,629 --> 00:15:07,070
to go into all your details about it.

409
00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:08,750
You don't have to bare your soul unless

410
00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:10,304
y'all are at that point in your relationship,

411
00:15:10,445 --> 00:15:12,845
but you've got to inform your partner. Why?

412
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:13,824
Because your dom/top

413
00:15:14,924 --> 00:15:17,644
needs to be informed about these things so

414
00:15:17,644 --> 00:15:21,184
they make better decisions to keep everybody safe.

415
00:15:21,245 --> 00:15:23,250
Right? So in informed

416
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,730
is very big, very broad.

417
00:15:26,110 --> 00:15:27,970
There, you cannot talk enough

418
00:15:28,670 --> 00:15:30,990
in a power exchange, especially in the early

419
00:15:30,990 --> 00:15:31,970
days. Right.

420
00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:34,029
You can get to a point, and we

421
00:15:34,029 --> 00:15:35,790
are mostly there, where you can get into

422
00:15:35,790 --> 00:15:37,455
shorthand, or you can go, you remember that

423
00:15:37,455 --> 00:15:39,535
thing? And you know what each other's talking

424
00:15:39,535 --> 00:15:41,855
about, but you can also get so comfortable

425
00:15:41,855 --> 00:15:43,934
that it's real easy to give feedback in

426
00:15:43,934 --> 00:15:45,615
the middle of a moment. Like, we can

427
00:15:45,615 --> 00:15:47,934
be having a scene, and if something don't

428
00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:49,669
land right, I'm a raise that. She's gonna

429
00:15:49,669 --> 00:15:51,190
let me know. Right. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

430
00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:52,809
I'm in my headspace, but also,

431
00:15:53,350 --> 00:15:56,149
nope. That wouldn't it. You're adjust, please. Right?

432
00:15:56,149 --> 00:15:58,389
Yeah. You can get there, but that takes

433
00:15:58,389 --> 00:16:00,970
time. It takes trust. It takes, you know,

434
00:16:01,429 --> 00:16:03,829
knowing one another. That just takes the experience

435
00:16:03,829 --> 00:16:04,490
with another

436
00:16:05,394 --> 00:16:07,475
And for some folks, you might never get

437
00:16:07,475 --> 00:16:07,975
there.

438
00:16:08,674 --> 00:16:11,075
Sometimes it's because the relationships. Sometimes it's because

439
00:16:11,075 --> 00:16:13,154
stuff you've been through, stuff they've been through.

440
00:16:13,154 --> 00:16:14,855
Sometimes it's just your own

441
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,634
what's the word I want? Your

442
00:16:19,589 --> 00:16:21,769
the level of risk you're willing to take.

443
00:16:21,990 --> 00:16:24,629
I'm a very anxious person. I've like, in

444
00:16:24,629 --> 00:16:26,389
my mind, I've got, like, a 100 step

445
00:16:26,389 --> 00:16:27,990
routine before I am comfortable with a new

446
00:16:27,990 --> 00:16:29,829
thing. Like, I got there's so much stuff

447
00:16:29,829 --> 00:16:31,845
I gotta know and think about and read

448
00:16:31,845 --> 00:16:33,924
through and learn from before I can go,

449
00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:36,664
yeah, I'm sort of comfortable with this. Right?

450
00:16:36,964 --> 00:16:38,725
Some people are worse than me. Some people

451
00:16:38,725 --> 00:16:40,345
aren't as aren't as bad. Right?

452
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:41,625
Whatever

453
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:45,110
however you're wired, you've got to honor that

454
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,410
and go through whatever those steps are, whatever

455
00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:49,029
those assurances are

456
00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:50,550
until you're comfortable,

457
00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:52,550
until you feel informed.

458
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:55,190
It's another thing we always say, start slow.

459
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,090
It's like a slow and low thing with

460
00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:59,184
power exchange and kink. You don't come out

461
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,985
of the gate, like, whipping somebody around, smacking

462
00:17:01,985 --> 00:17:04,144
them full on the face when you just

463
00:17:04,144 --> 00:17:07,025
decided yesterday Impact Play might be your jam.

464
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:07,525
Like,

465
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:11,160
you start small. You start with these

466
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,320
this thing and that thing because part of

467
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,880
being informed is trying it out on a

468
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,119
low Excuse me. Air quote, this word, there's

469
00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,119
no such thing as safe in BDSM, but

470
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,080
air quote, safe way. So it's easier to

471
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:23,900
pull back

472
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,464
if the information you're getting through the experience

473
00:17:27,924 --> 00:17:29,944
is that this does not work for you.

474
00:17:30,244 --> 00:17:31,845
And when you try to go full on

475
00:17:31,845 --> 00:17:34,884
out, straight out the gate, we've negotiated a

476
00:17:34,884 --> 00:17:38,004
20 page contract with 32 and a half

477
00:17:38,004 --> 00:17:40,970
items that the submissive will do before noon

478
00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:43,289
every day, and you decide that on a

479
00:17:43,289 --> 00:17:46,250
Friday and on Saturday think you're implementing the

480
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:47,950
entire 20 page contract,

481
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:51,134
nobody is informed enough to do that yet.

482
00:17:51,134 --> 00:17:53,154
Yet. I don't care what kind of conversations

483
00:17:53,214 --> 00:17:55,234
you have. Yeah. Because part of

484
00:17:55,615 --> 00:17:58,494
the getting the information, the informed part of

485
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,295
informed and enthusiastic consent is knowing what the

486
00:18:01,295 --> 00:18:03,714
fuck you're getting into. Yeah. So,

487
00:18:04,015 --> 00:18:05,775
you know, you can talk it through. You

488
00:18:05,775 --> 00:18:08,570
can research it. Please do. That's part of

489
00:18:08,570 --> 00:18:09,870
getting in informed

490
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:11,710
with your informed consent.

491
00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:13,610
And then part of it is to start

492
00:18:13,610 --> 00:18:14,990
really small and tiny

493
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:17,309
to get informed through experience.

494
00:18:17,610 --> 00:18:18,110
Yeah.

495
00:18:19,529 --> 00:18:20,990
Let's talk about enthusiasm.

496
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:23,545
Okay. Or unless you have some more to

497
00:18:23,545 --> 00:18:25,384
say about your inform I I just want

498
00:18:25,384 --> 00:18:27,545
to talk about the polar opposite Okay. Of

499
00:18:27,545 --> 00:18:29,785
this for a brief second. Okay. Okay. Because

500
00:18:29,785 --> 00:18:31,785
I I have been coming across this a

501
00:18:31,785 --> 00:18:34,744
lot lately in in places that I I

502
00:18:34,744 --> 00:18:35,485
have been,

503
00:18:36,184 --> 00:18:36,684
perusing.

504
00:18:38,570 --> 00:18:39,070
No.

505
00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:43,549
No is a complete sentence. Oh, absolutely. Okay?

506
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,730
You you can tell somebody no, you do

507
00:18:46,730 --> 00:18:48,509
not owe them an explanation.

508
00:18:48,890 --> 00:18:51,309
Mm-mm. Okay? You do not.

509
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,789
Just the fact you said no to them

510
00:18:54,274 --> 00:18:56,934
more than enough, that should be it.

511
00:18:57,474 --> 00:18:58,994
And if this is if you're in a

512
00:18:58,994 --> 00:19:00,274
kink space and you happen to be a

513
00:19:00,274 --> 00:19:00,774
submissive

514
00:19:01,154 --> 00:19:04,755
and a rando, air quote, Dom rocks up

515
00:19:04,755 --> 00:19:07,714
to you, DMs at the event, whatever, whatever,

516
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,599
comments on one of your posts, whatever they're

517
00:19:09,599 --> 00:19:10,099
doing,

518
00:19:10,559 --> 00:19:12,880
and tries to tell you that, actually, because

519
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:14,500
they're a dom and you're submissive,

520
00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:16,880
you don't get to do that. Hell, fuck

521
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:17,940
no. Okay?

522
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,339
There are no

523
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,359
automatic rights just because of the roles you

524
00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:27,345
inhabit. Right? That's within established relationships, and that's

525
00:19:27,345 --> 00:19:30,544
with strangers you're meeting on the Internet. Like,

526
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:32,704
they don't get have a right to you

527
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:35,184
because they're calling themselves a dom, and you

528
00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:36,704
are, like, over there, and you're like, I'm

529
00:19:36,704 --> 00:19:38,559
submissive. I could do that. And the same

530
00:19:38,559 --> 00:19:40,159
is true on the opposite because there are

531
00:19:40,159 --> 00:19:40,659
many,

532
00:19:41,759 --> 00:19:42,899
many of them women.

533
00:19:43,279 --> 00:19:45,839
But many doms who get the laundry list

534
00:19:45,839 --> 00:19:47,220
of do this to me

535
00:19:47,759 --> 00:19:49,220
DMs from submissives

536
00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:51,315
who just see them as a kink dispenser.

537
00:19:52,015 --> 00:19:53,615
It's just it tends to be a lot

538
00:19:53,615 --> 00:19:56,095
more accepted when a dominant goes, fuck no,

539
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,274
because you sort of expect that kind of

540
00:19:58,335 --> 00:19:59,315
response from

541
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,075
a disgruntled dominant.

542
00:20:02,950 --> 00:20:05,509
But, you know, submissives, if y'all need a

543
00:20:05,509 --> 00:20:08,070
test of whether this is, like, a dom

544
00:20:08,070 --> 00:20:08,570
who

545
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:11,930
respects you, first of all, if they're demanding

546
00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:14,070
submission from you before they even know anything

547
00:20:14,070 --> 00:20:15,474
about you and have had the first, I

548
00:20:15,474 --> 00:20:16,774
don't know, 80 conversations,

549
00:20:17,394 --> 00:20:18,454
that's a sign.

550
00:20:18,835 --> 00:20:19,734
But if you

551
00:20:20,194 --> 00:20:22,835
if maybe you're playing with some online, like,

552
00:20:22,835 --> 00:20:23,815
role player or whatever,

553
00:20:24,595 --> 00:20:26,514
the biggest sign is can they handle your

554
00:20:26,514 --> 00:20:27,014
no?

555
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,789
Can they handle when you're like, nope. I'm

556
00:20:29,789 --> 00:20:31,869
not doing this. Nope. I don't like this.

557
00:20:31,869 --> 00:20:33,490
Nope. I don't accept this.

558
00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:36,429
Online, we can block and delete. Please do.

559
00:20:36,429 --> 00:20:37,889
Yeah. Mhmm. Like,

560
00:20:38,509 --> 00:20:40,609
there was a word I wanted. Liberally. Liberally

561
00:20:40,669 --> 00:20:43,005
block and delete. All the fuckers. Just block

562
00:20:43,005 --> 00:20:44,605
and delete them all. Okay? You have no

563
00:20:44,605 --> 00:20:45,904
obligation to anybody.

564
00:20:46,285 --> 00:20:47,565
In real life, you might have to get

565
00:20:47,565 --> 00:20:49,484
a real person involved if somebody's being kinda

566
00:20:49,484 --> 00:20:51,404
creepy and, like, maybe it's a friend, maybe

567
00:20:51,404 --> 00:20:52,924
it's a community leader, but you get somebody

568
00:20:52,924 --> 00:20:53,664
and you're like,

569
00:20:53,965 --> 00:20:55,519
this fucker won't leave me alone.

570
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:58,240
What we gonna do about that? Right?

571
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,279
But, yeah, I I agree. Now

572
00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:02,720
as a relationship

573
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:03,680
develops,

574
00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:05,519
at this point,

575
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:07,600
all these years later,

576
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,855
I have every right to tell JB no,

577
00:21:11,234 --> 00:21:13,795
and it'd be a full sentence. Yeah. But

578
00:21:13,795 --> 00:21:14,295
my

579
00:21:14,914 --> 00:21:17,734
regard for our relationship and our connection,

580
00:21:18,355 --> 00:21:20,775
as soon as I am able to explain,

581
00:21:20,835 --> 00:21:21,815
I'm gonna explain.

582
00:21:22,579 --> 00:21:24,339
It's entirely possible to get

583
00:21:25,220 --> 00:21:26,660
and I don't use this term lightly, to

584
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,500
get triggered by something. So the only thing

585
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,200
I am capable of saying is no.

586
00:21:30,980 --> 00:21:32,680
But when I am more

587
00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:35,799
myself again and have the ability to communicate

588
00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:38,359
my thoughts and what's going on with me,

589
00:21:39,194 --> 00:21:41,434
the nature of our relationship at this point

590
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:42,095
in time,

591
00:21:42,474 --> 00:21:44,714
he gets he gets a an explanation from

592
00:21:44,714 --> 00:21:45,214
me.

593
00:21:45,994 --> 00:21:48,154
I that's a thing that I freely and

594
00:21:48,154 --> 00:21:50,174
willingly will will give him because

595
00:21:50,554 --> 00:21:53,390
in my mind, he deserves that. 1, that's

596
00:21:53,390 --> 00:21:55,710
more information for him later on when we're

597
00:21:55,710 --> 00:21:57,950
trying to do other things because the more

598
00:21:57,950 --> 00:22:00,769
informed he is, the more he can

599
00:22:01,549 --> 00:22:03,950
provide things that I can consent to, and

600
00:22:03,950 --> 00:22:05,954
he can consent to things that I need.

601
00:22:05,954 --> 00:22:07,434
Right? If I keep him in the dark

602
00:22:07,434 --> 00:22:08,575
about stuff, then

603
00:22:08,954 --> 00:22:10,894
he's not working with full information.

604
00:22:11,355 --> 00:22:13,294
But he earned that right

605
00:22:13,595 --> 00:22:15,755
to know why I might say no to

606
00:22:15,755 --> 00:22:17,934
something. Mhmm. So far,

607
00:22:18,940 --> 00:22:19,440
in

608
00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:22,700
in at least 10 years, probably longer, probably

609
00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:25,200
since we started our long distance relationship,

610
00:22:25,980 --> 00:22:27,900
I've never felt like I couldn't tell you

611
00:22:27,900 --> 00:22:30,734
why. True. Quite frankly, if you're

612
00:22:31,134 --> 00:22:34,015
dealing with somebody who, so far, they're checking

613
00:22:34,015 --> 00:22:35,535
all the boxes, and you're like, okay. This

614
00:22:35,535 --> 00:22:37,535
person seems like a legit person. But you

615
00:22:37,535 --> 00:22:38,654
get to the point where you have to

616
00:22:38,654 --> 00:22:41,474
tell them no, and something in you

617
00:22:41,775 --> 00:22:44,115
does not feel comfortable telling them

618
00:22:44,859 --> 00:22:46,159
why it's a no,

619
00:22:46,859 --> 00:22:49,579
that doesn't mean that that automatically means anything,

620
00:22:49,579 --> 00:22:51,419
but it is worth a deeper look. Are

621
00:22:51,419 --> 00:22:53,579
they not really earning your trust the way

622
00:22:53,579 --> 00:22:55,919
you need them to? Is there something

623
00:22:56,539 --> 00:22:58,460
that you're sensing that's holding you back? That's

624
00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,825
good information to have. Yeah. But I felt

625
00:23:00,825 --> 00:23:01,805
safe with JB

626
00:23:02,904 --> 00:23:04,265
soon enough that by the time we were

627
00:23:04,265 --> 00:23:06,424
actually negotiating the power exchange Mhmm. If I

628
00:23:06,424 --> 00:23:07,785
had to say no, I could tell him

629
00:23:07,785 --> 00:23:09,305
why. Even if sometimes the answer was, I

630
00:23:09,305 --> 00:23:11,545
don't know why, but it's bad juju, bad

631
00:23:11,545 --> 00:23:13,599
juju, the answer's no. You know, early early

632
00:23:13,599 --> 00:23:15,279
on in our relationship, one of the things

633
00:23:15,279 --> 00:23:16,500
I had her do,

634
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,119
because, you know, I had a few years

635
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:19,940
in the lifestyle,

636
00:23:20,319 --> 00:23:21,839
you know, over you, you just had the

637
00:23:21,839 --> 00:23:23,220
one the one dynamic.

638
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,380
I was very big on on having her

639
00:23:28,235 --> 00:23:30,735
research things. Mhmm. You know, and and

640
00:23:31,914 --> 00:23:33,755
a couple times in the beginning, you you

641
00:23:33,755 --> 00:23:35,195
were kind of like, well, you know, what

642
00:23:35,195 --> 00:23:36,475
do you want me to do? Why do

643
00:23:36,475 --> 00:23:38,394
you want me to to look into this?

644
00:23:38,394 --> 00:23:40,715
I'm a sub, I'm not dumb. And It

645
00:23:40,715 --> 00:23:42,475
would be about activities we wanted to do

646
00:23:42,475 --> 00:23:44,509
or things we had kinks we had kinda

647
00:23:44,509 --> 00:23:46,829
talked about. But, you know, one of the

648
00:23:46,910 --> 00:23:48,589
what I told you about that was, like,

649
00:23:48,589 --> 00:23:50,750
you know, whether we end up together or

650
00:23:50,750 --> 00:23:52,769
what if, you know, if you go off,

651
00:23:53,390 --> 00:23:55,230
you need to be educated enough to know

652
00:23:55,230 --> 00:23:57,454
somebody's blowing smoke up your ass. Right.

653
00:23:57,755 --> 00:23:59,595
And it was when we were talking about

654
00:23:59,595 --> 00:24:02,255
types of play we might wanna do, different

655
00:24:02,315 --> 00:24:03,994
sensations, toys. He'd be like, have you heard

656
00:24:03,994 --> 00:24:05,275
of this toy? I'd be like, no. I

657
00:24:05,275 --> 00:24:06,794
have no idea what that toy is. He's

658
00:24:06,794 --> 00:24:09,130
like, okay. Well, your task for, like, by

659
00:24:09,130 --> 00:24:10,970
the end of this week, go do some

660
00:24:10,970 --> 00:24:12,730
research and write me a paragraph on it

661
00:24:12,730 --> 00:24:13,630
to sort of show

662
00:24:14,250 --> 00:24:16,250
that I understood what I had seen and

663
00:24:16,250 --> 00:24:17,769
that I had actually looked at it. Now

664
00:24:17,769 --> 00:24:19,529
writing a paragraph was a good task for

665
00:24:19,529 --> 00:24:21,289
me because I'm a writer, and I'm not

666
00:24:21,289 --> 00:24:22,509
intimidated by putting

667
00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:24,815
sentences down. Right? That's fine.

668
00:24:25,275 --> 00:24:27,355
If that's not your jam, then find another

669
00:24:27,355 --> 00:24:30,095
way. But the ability to show that

670
00:24:30,394 --> 00:24:32,075
this thing we had talked about that I

671
00:24:32,075 --> 00:24:34,154
could go off and fig and learn about

672
00:24:34,154 --> 00:24:37,380
it myself Mhmm. And get enough information that

673
00:24:37,380 --> 00:24:38,740
I could kind of explain it back to

674
00:24:38,740 --> 00:24:40,440
him. And then we were starting from

675
00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:41,480
a more

676
00:24:42,099 --> 00:24:45,460
equal footing in talking about that thing because

677
00:24:45,460 --> 00:24:47,539
I wasn't coming at him with total ignorance

678
00:24:47,539 --> 00:24:49,460
and having no clue Exactly. What it was

679
00:24:49,460 --> 00:24:51,914
about and having to depend on him to

680
00:24:51,914 --> 00:24:54,075
tell me what it even was that the

681
00:24:54,075 --> 00:24:56,634
thing was before we could even negotiate. Is

682
00:24:56,634 --> 00:24:58,974
this something we wanna try? Yeah. So,

683
00:24:59,355 --> 00:25:00,714
yeah, it was a great it was a

684
00:25:00,714 --> 00:25:02,474
great way to sort of play with submission

685
00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:05,150
Mhmm. Because he would assign the task. He

686
00:25:05,150 --> 00:25:06,829
would say Yeah. Go off and do this

687
00:25:06,829 --> 00:25:07,329
thing

688
00:25:07,630 --> 00:25:09,630
as my dom. And as this happy little

689
00:25:09,630 --> 00:25:11,390
submissive, it was like, oh, give me something

690
00:25:11,390 --> 00:25:11,970
to do.

691
00:25:12,269 --> 00:25:13,890
That was great, but, also,

692
00:25:14,750 --> 00:25:17,625
I learned more, could be more informed, could

693
00:25:17,944 --> 00:25:20,265
give better Yes. Had better ability to give

694
00:25:20,265 --> 00:25:22,744
enthusiastic consent. Yes. Yes. Yes. See what I

695
00:25:22,744 --> 00:25:24,904
mean? All of the above. So for anybody

696
00:25:24,904 --> 00:25:26,345
out there who how do I how do

697
00:25:26,345 --> 00:25:27,724
we start our power exchange?

698
00:25:28,025 --> 00:25:30,000
Dom, assign assign a thing you want your

699
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,759
sub to go learn about. Tada. And and

700
00:25:31,759 --> 00:25:32,579
you know what?

701
00:25:33,599 --> 00:25:35,859
Even even if that is not possible,

702
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,000
you know, if if you're if you've met

703
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,640
somebody at a party, anything about playing, you

704
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,220
know, don't be afraid to ask questions.

705
00:25:43,664 --> 00:25:45,105
Yeah. And then pay attention to how they

706
00:25:45,105 --> 00:25:47,664
handle questions. Yeah. Not that they have to

707
00:25:47,664 --> 00:25:48,644
know all the answers.

708
00:25:48,945 --> 00:25:50,384
Yeah. How do they handle it when they

709
00:25:50,384 --> 00:25:51,125
are questioned

710
00:25:51,424 --> 00:25:53,025
Right. About a thing? Because that'll tell you

711
00:25:53,025 --> 00:25:54,085
a lot about somebody.

712
00:25:55,184 --> 00:25:56,404
I mean, you would think

713
00:25:56,865 --> 00:25:57,365
if

714
00:25:58,359 --> 00:25:59,179
you're negotiating

715
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,039
with a dominant and and you ask them

716
00:26:02,039 --> 00:26:02,539
questions,

717
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,399
you know, they should be happy about that,

718
00:26:05,399 --> 00:26:07,980
that you're, you know, you you wanna understand

719
00:26:08,039 --> 00:26:08,539
more,

720
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,599
you know, and not shoot you down for

721
00:26:10,599 --> 00:26:12,359
it. If they're shooting you down for asking

722
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,595
questions, there is a problem right there. And

723
00:26:14,595 --> 00:26:15,654
if they're defensive

724
00:26:16,115 --> 00:26:17,095
about questions,

725
00:26:18,035 --> 00:26:19,015
that's information.

726
00:26:19,315 --> 00:26:21,715
Right? Again, it doesn't mean they're automatically bad.

727
00:26:21,715 --> 00:26:23,634
Everybody has their things that get them riled

728
00:26:23,634 --> 00:26:24,375
up. Yeah.

729
00:26:24,835 --> 00:26:26,755
But part me personally, I want a dom

730
00:26:26,755 --> 00:26:28,440
who can handle the who can handle the

731
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,679
fact that I am asking questions. Now after

732
00:26:30,679 --> 00:26:32,919
12 years, somebody does have to go, woah,

733
00:26:32,919 --> 00:26:34,839
time out. That's too many questions all at

734
00:26:34,839 --> 00:26:35,339
once.

735
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,200
Can we do this in stages? Yeah. Which

736
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,634
is fine. I've learned a little bit since

737
00:26:40,634 --> 00:26:42,474
then. Excuse me. But I was never I've

738
00:26:42,474 --> 00:26:45,115
never not been allowed to ask questions. Debbie's

739
00:26:45,115 --> 00:26:48,654
never gotten defensive about me asking questions about

740
00:26:48,795 --> 00:26:51,275
the thing we're trying to do together. Right.

741
00:26:51,275 --> 00:26:53,549
The kink or the power exchange, doesn't matter.

742
00:26:54,090 --> 00:26:56,330
So if a person gets defensive, that's just

743
00:26:56,330 --> 00:26:59,450
information to take in. Right? If they're not

744
00:26:59,450 --> 00:27:01,710
willing to say, I don't know,

745
00:27:02,730 --> 00:27:04,590
please pay attention to that because

746
00:27:05,210 --> 00:27:07,845
you want a partner who can admit they

747
00:27:07,845 --> 00:27:10,164
don't fucking know something and are willing to

748
00:27:10,164 --> 00:27:13,125
go learn about it. Okay? Because the partner,

749
00:27:13,125 --> 00:27:16,404
Dom or sub, that that fakes that they

750
00:27:16,404 --> 00:27:17,304
have the information,

751
00:27:17,765 --> 00:27:18,585
that is

752
00:27:18,964 --> 00:27:21,359
an unsafe person to be playing with Because

753
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:23,839
that means they're gonna move forward with a

754
00:27:23,839 --> 00:27:25,059
lack of information

755
00:27:25,599 --> 00:27:27,059
to do a thing with you.

756
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,519
So not only are they not fully informed,

757
00:27:29,519 --> 00:27:32,019
you're not fully informed about their knowledge level.

758
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,420
It's bad all the way around.

759
00:27:35,615 --> 00:27:36,815
Can y'all see why this is such a

760
00:27:36,815 --> 00:27:38,174
big topic? We have spent all this time

761
00:27:38,174 --> 00:27:39,795
just on the informed part

762
00:27:40,174 --> 00:27:41,634
of informed enthusiastic.

763
00:27:42,255 --> 00:27:43,634
So let's talk about enthusiasm.

764
00:27:43,934 --> 00:27:44,434
Especially

765
00:27:45,695 --> 00:27:46,835
in the very beginning

766
00:27:47,215 --> 00:27:49,339
of a relationship, of an experience,

767
00:27:49,799 --> 00:27:50,700
of a scene,

768
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,619
until you develop

769
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:54,059
the long term

770
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,980
trust and communication that can create a shorthand

771
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,119
and a nuance we're gonna talk about in

772
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:00,700
a minute,

773
00:28:01,799 --> 00:28:03,660
anything less than enthusiastic

774
00:28:04,625 --> 00:28:05,984
should be a time out, should be a

775
00:28:05,984 --> 00:28:08,224
pause, should be a no. Consider it a

776
00:28:08,224 --> 00:28:08,724
no

777
00:28:09,184 --> 00:28:09,684
until

778
00:28:10,065 --> 00:28:11,284
you take a beat.

779
00:28:12,224 --> 00:28:13,284
If a person

780
00:28:13,664 --> 00:28:14,164
hesitates,

781
00:28:15,105 --> 00:28:16,325
even if they're fully informed,

782
00:28:16,704 --> 00:28:18,750
then it's not an enthusiastic hell yes.

783
00:28:19,470 --> 00:28:20,289
If they

784
00:28:20,670 --> 00:28:21,569
are unsure,

785
00:28:22,750 --> 00:28:25,150
if you are a person who knows how

786
00:28:25,150 --> 00:28:27,309
to read their body language and their facial

787
00:28:27,309 --> 00:28:29,390
expressions, because that is a skill that tends

788
00:28:29,390 --> 00:28:30,450
to have to be learned,

789
00:28:30,750 --> 00:28:33,410
and that's not hell, yeah, let's go,

790
00:28:34,465 --> 00:28:36,644
The bare minimum you can do

791
00:28:37,265 --> 00:28:38,005
is pause

792
00:28:38,384 --> 00:28:40,065
and go, wait. Is this what you wanna

793
00:28:40,065 --> 00:28:41,605
do? Mhmm. Personally,

794
00:28:42,225 --> 00:28:43,205
I would rather

795
00:28:43,585 --> 00:28:45,125
my partner misread

796
00:28:45,904 --> 00:28:48,390
my facial expression and body language

797
00:28:48,869 --> 00:28:50,630
because I'm not being verbal enough to go,

798
00:28:50,630 --> 00:28:52,170
hell fuck yeah. Let's go.

799
00:28:52,710 --> 00:28:54,650
And stop for a minute to go,

800
00:28:55,029 --> 00:28:57,269
I am not I'm not sure. Or is

801
00:28:57,269 --> 00:28:59,750
this a hell yeah right now? Mhmm. Because

802
00:29:00,070 --> 00:29:02,150
What's resonating with you at the moment? Right.

803
00:29:02,150 --> 00:29:04,154
Like, do you wanna be doing this? Mhmm.

804
00:29:04,214 --> 00:29:05,035
Because the

805
00:29:05,654 --> 00:29:08,234
very real thing that can happen,

806
00:29:08,775 --> 00:29:11,434
especially from the submissive side, is coercion.

807
00:29:11,894 --> 00:29:15,194
And sometimes it's it's definitely done on purpose

808
00:29:15,255 --> 00:29:16,980
because people can be predators

809
00:29:17,599 --> 00:29:18,500
and sometimes it's

810
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:22,740
ignorance is bliss. Well, they didn't say no.

811
00:29:23,599 --> 00:29:26,559
They didn't use their safe word. Yeah. But

812
00:29:26,559 --> 00:29:28,720
they went completely stiff and stopped speaking to

813
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:29,919
you or looking you in the eye in

814
00:29:29,919 --> 00:29:31,765
that one part of your play. Right? Like,

815
00:29:31,765 --> 00:29:33,525
some people will use that to their advantage

816
00:29:33,525 --> 00:29:36,085
in a grotesque and abusive way. Some people

817
00:29:36,085 --> 00:29:38,404
will miss the cues. So if you know

818
00:29:38,404 --> 00:29:40,484
you're a person who could even possibly miss

819
00:29:40,484 --> 00:29:41,144
a cue,

820
00:29:41,445 --> 00:29:43,445
the rule of thumb is stop what the

821
00:29:43,445 --> 00:29:45,065
fuck you're doing. Right.

822
00:29:46,619 --> 00:29:48,220
Tell and and that's part to me, that's

823
00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:49,039
part of the negotiation.

824
00:29:50,220 --> 00:29:51,980
You're negotiating your power exchange. You're like, we're

825
00:29:51,980 --> 00:29:53,279
gonna do some kink scenes.

826
00:29:54,460 --> 00:29:56,220
Here's what needs to go down, and either

827
00:29:56,220 --> 00:29:57,759
one of you can bring this up.

828
00:29:58,140 --> 00:29:59,359
If I'm not saying

829
00:29:59,855 --> 00:30:00,994
hell fuck yeah,

830
00:30:01,775 --> 00:30:03,715
it's not a hell yeah. It's not enthusiastic.

831
00:30:04,654 --> 00:30:06,974
Put it out there between each other. Like,

832
00:30:06,974 --> 00:30:07,414
what

833
00:30:07,855 --> 00:30:10,654
doms, ask your sickness of partner. What does

834
00:30:10,654 --> 00:30:13,375
enthusiasm look like? When you're, like, down to

835
00:30:13,375 --> 00:30:15,154
whatever the fuck we're gonna do,

836
00:30:15,589 --> 00:30:17,029
is there a way I'm gonna know? Are

837
00:30:17,029 --> 00:30:19,190
you can you say these words? What is

838
00:30:19,190 --> 00:30:21,910
our verbal signal? What is our physical signal?

839
00:30:21,910 --> 00:30:23,609
Like, what's the sign?

840
00:30:23,910 --> 00:30:25,990
And then if you don't Okay. Let's do

841
00:30:25,990 --> 00:30:28,710
this. I mean, some people are are Eeyore

842
00:30:28,710 --> 00:30:29,529
like people,

843
00:30:30,150 --> 00:30:31,984
and I might not read that as your

844
00:30:31,984 --> 00:30:32,484
enthusiastic

845
00:30:32,944 --> 00:30:33,845
yes, so

846
00:30:34,384 --> 00:30:37,345
let me know. There's nothing wrong with getting

847
00:30:37,345 --> 00:30:39,605
that explicit in your negotiations

848
00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:41,684
down to the,

849
00:30:42,144 --> 00:30:43,984
how do I know this is a hell

850
00:30:43,984 --> 00:30:47,029
yeah? You're ready to proceed forward. Now,

851
00:30:47,890 --> 00:30:49,349
I'm gonna play devil and

852
00:30:49,730 --> 00:30:52,450
throw something at you here. Okay. What happens

853
00:30:52,450 --> 00:30:53,430
when you get

854
00:30:54,210 --> 00:30:54,710
that

855
00:30:55,009 --> 00:30:57,670
hell yeah, let's do that, but this person

856
00:30:58,210 --> 00:31:01,025
the person you're negotiating with either is going

857
00:31:01,025 --> 00:31:01,845
through NRE,

858
00:31:02,144 --> 00:31:04,505
that they're having some serious new relationship energy

859
00:31:04,865 --> 00:31:07,684
Mhmm. Or they're going through sub frenzy. So

860
00:31:08,625 --> 00:31:10,244
to on one side,

861
00:31:10,785 --> 00:31:12,865
we are all fucking adults here. And if

862
00:31:12,865 --> 00:31:15,410
an adult has been informed as much as

863
00:31:15,410 --> 00:31:17,809
they possibly can be, and they're saying hell

864
00:31:17,809 --> 00:31:18,309
yeah,

865
00:31:19,170 --> 00:31:21,589
they're responsible for themselves. That being said,

866
00:31:22,049 --> 00:31:24,289
dominance, here's part of the reason you have

867
00:31:24,289 --> 00:31:27,109
so much fucking privilege. Here's the fucking responsibility

868
00:31:28,769 --> 00:31:30,069
of being the dom.

869
00:31:30,744 --> 00:31:32,044
If you suspect

870
00:31:32,904 --> 00:31:34,765
that your partner is enthusiastically

871
00:31:35,704 --> 00:31:36,524
hell yating

872
00:31:37,304 --> 00:31:39,625
a thing that they are not prepared for,

873
00:31:39,625 --> 00:31:41,784
that they are not educated enough on, that

874
00:31:41,784 --> 00:31:44,524
they haven't done the small basics of yet,

875
00:31:45,759 --> 00:31:48,339
then you need to be the one saying,

876
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,000
we're going to slow this down a little

877
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,559
bit. Okay? Because is it possible in a

878
00:31:52,559 --> 00:31:54,480
power exchange that the submissive comes to the

879
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:58,035
dom with this crazy enthusiasm, they're just hyped

880
00:31:58,035 --> 00:31:59,255
up about this thing,

881
00:31:59,555 --> 00:32:00,455
and it's like,

882
00:32:00,835 --> 00:32:02,134
I would like you to

883
00:32:02,434 --> 00:32:05,075
stick 20 needles in my back tonight. And

884
00:32:05,075 --> 00:32:06,295
you've never even

885
00:32:06,674 --> 00:32:09,095
read about needle play, let alone

886
00:32:09,475 --> 00:32:11,394
tried it. Right? Like, you

887
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:13,220
if the

888
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,440
if the frenzy or the new relationship energy

889
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,259
is at that level where a submissive partner

890
00:32:20,319 --> 00:32:23,119
is not even looking after their own health

891
00:32:23,119 --> 00:32:23,940
and safety,

892
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:26,740
somebody's gotta do it for them. Yeah.

893
00:32:27,105 --> 00:32:28,224
Now here's this

894
00:32:29,025 --> 00:32:30,304
I don't know if scary is the right

895
00:32:30,304 --> 00:32:31,825
word. That might be too loaded. Here's the

896
00:32:31,825 --> 00:32:33,664
part that makes me as an outside observer

897
00:32:33,664 --> 00:32:35,924
who's seen people do some shady shit nervous.

898
00:32:36,384 --> 00:32:36,884
Submissives,

899
00:32:37,744 --> 00:32:38,244
sometimes

900
00:32:38,704 --> 00:32:40,545
you got into that frenzy because you thought

901
00:32:40,545 --> 00:32:42,329
you never submit to anybody and here came

902
00:32:42,329 --> 00:32:44,329
this little air quote one who said all

903
00:32:44,329 --> 00:32:46,009
the right words and they're kinda doing all

904
00:32:46,009 --> 00:32:48,169
the right things. And you are so excited

905
00:32:48,169 --> 00:32:50,809
to submit that you cannot fucking tell that

906
00:32:50,809 --> 00:32:52,409
they do not have your best interest at

907
00:32:52,409 --> 00:32:52,909
heart.

908
00:32:53,369 --> 00:32:55,690
And they're like, why, yes. I will put

909
00:32:55,690 --> 00:32:58,184
splinters under your fingernails because you saw it

910
00:32:58,184 --> 00:32:59,484
on a Reddit somewhere.

911
00:32:59,944 --> 00:33:02,184
Sure. And they're not stopping you from your

912
00:33:02,184 --> 00:33:03,964
own craziness. Right? Like,

913
00:33:04,664 --> 00:33:06,684
that is a very real possibility.

914
00:33:08,424 --> 00:33:11,349
And it's the danger of sub frenzy, of

915
00:33:11,349 --> 00:33:12,950
any frenzy. Dom's can get their own kind

916
00:33:12,950 --> 00:33:15,269
of frenzy because that excitement at finally getting

917
00:33:15,269 --> 00:33:17,990
to do the thing can cloud judgment. Does

918
00:33:17,990 --> 00:33:21,029
it cloud everybody's judgment? No. Does it cloud

919
00:33:21,029 --> 00:33:24,414
everybody's judgment in a dangerous way? No. But

920
00:33:24,414 --> 00:33:26,154
it can, and you have to be aware

921
00:33:26,154 --> 00:33:28,434
of it. Aware of it. Yeah. So that

922
00:33:28,494 --> 00:33:28,994
hopefully,

923
00:33:29,695 --> 00:33:31,555
you can mitigate it before it happens.

924
00:33:32,494 --> 00:33:34,494
And if not then, that you could, at

925
00:33:34,494 --> 00:33:36,434
some point in the middle of it, go,

926
00:33:37,009 --> 00:33:39,269
this all feels nutso to me.

927
00:33:39,970 --> 00:33:41,430
I don't am I

928
00:33:42,210 --> 00:33:44,369
am I being safe? Am I taking care

929
00:33:44,369 --> 00:33:47,410
of myself? But some thought can penetrate your

930
00:33:47,410 --> 00:33:49,890
brain, and you go, wait. Wait. Did I

931
00:33:49,890 --> 00:33:52,070
really ask that person to just

932
00:33:53,505 --> 00:33:55,664
drag me around the house by my hair

933
00:33:55,664 --> 00:33:56,805
for 20 minutes?

934
00:33:57,105 --> 00:33:59,605
Is that what I just asked for? Like,

935
00:33:59,904 --> 00:34:01,585
we all have our own level of what

936
00:34:01,585 --> 00:34:03,424
is just too fucking out there. And clearly,

937
00:34:03,424 --> 00:34:04,559
y'all know mine now.

938
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:06,980
So

939
00:34:07,759 --> 00:34:08,260
enthusiasm

940
00:34:08,559 --> 00:34:10,340
is the gold standard. Yes.

941
00:34:11,119 --> 00:34:12,980
But, yes, you're right. Sometimes

942
00:34:13,519 --> 00:34:14,019
enthusiasm

943
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,820
is danger, Will Robinson. Danger. Danger.

944
00:34:17,605 --> 00:34:19,765
And that's the tough part. Yeah. See, there's

945
00:34:19,765 --> 00:34:21,925
a balancing act there. And and Rara brought

946
00:34:21,925 --> 00:34:23,945
up a a good point. You know,

947
00:34:24,405 --> 00:34:24,905
enthusiasm

948
00:34:25,204 --> 00:34:27,204
can look different for everybody. That's why I

949
00:34:27,204 --> 00:34:28,724
go back to you have to have that

950
00:34:28,724 --> 00:34:31,049
conversation. Right. Especially if you are a person

951
00:34:31,049 --> 00:34:32,150
who's been in

952
00:34:32,609 --> 00:34:34,469
more than one power exchange

953
00:34:34,849 --> 00:34:36,449
or you're doing this for the first time

954
00:34:36,449 --> 00:34:39,109
and you are listening to us. Okay? Mhmm.

955
00:34:39,170 --> 00:34:40,230
In the conversation,

956
00:34:40,530 --> 00:34:41,510
in the negotiation

957
00:34:41,809 --> 00:34:42,949
with a new partner,

958
00:34:44,144 --> 00:34:46,485
talk about what enthusiasm looks like.

959
00:34:46,945 --> 00:34:48,304
What does that mean for you? Are you

960
00:34:48,304 --> 00:34:50,465
gonna be, like, super hyped up? Are you

961
00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:52,065
What gets you excited? What do you what

962
00:34:52,065 --> 00:34:53,505
is it like when you get excited? How

963
00:34:53,505 --> 00:34:55,265
will I know that this is something you

964
00:34:55,265 --> 00:34:57,265
really wanna be doing? Do you have are

965
00:34:57,265 --> 00:34:59,239
there specific things? Are there ways that you

966
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:00,780
get excitement and show excitement?

967
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,800
Absif I don't think there's anything wrong with

968
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:04,859
having that conversation.

969
00:35:05,159 --> 00:35:05,659
Mhmm.

970
00:35:06,519 --> 00:35:08,920
Probably more often than not, it's gonna be

971
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:10,699
sort of obvious, but not always.

972
00:35:11,445 --> 00:35:13,684
Most people, I think, kinda know themselves well

973
00:35:13,684 --> 00:35:14,664
enough. Is

974
00:35:15,285 --> 00:35:18,265
it maybe an awkward conversation to have?

975
00:35:18,644 --> 00:35:20,724
Yeah. But you know what? You're already gonna

976
00:35:20,724 --> 00:35:22,965
let a person you maybe have are just

977
00:35:22,965 --> 00:35:23,864
getting to know

978
00:35:24,164 --> 00:35:27,109
do things to you that in other contacts

979
00:35:27,650 --> 00:35:29,730
would get the police called on you, so

980
00:35:29,730 --> 00:35:30,230
maybe

981
00:35:30,690 --> 00:35:32,389
have the awkward conversation.

982
00:35:32,690 --> 00:35:34,069
Right. It's all I'm saying.

983
00:35:34,849 --> 00:35:35,750
Get awkward.

984
00:35:36,449 --> 00:35:38,449
Some of us wear our hearts on our

985
00:35:38,449 --> 00:35:40,789
sleeves and they knew what our enthusiasm

986
00:35:41,089 --> 00:35:43,534
looked like before we ever got to negotiations.

987
00:35:44,554 --> 00:35:45,775
It was not a secret.

988
00:35:46,074 --> 00:35:48,335
It was not hard to read. It was

989
00:35:49,114 --> 00:35:51,514
it was not demure. It was not cutesy.

990
00:35:51,514 --> 00:35:53,934
It was not mindful. She is not demure.

991
00:35:54,155 --> 00:35:55,135
She's a goblin.

992
00:36:00,409 --> 00:36:01,630
But that's the thing.

993
00:36:02,570 --> 00:36:04,650
There will and this kind of bleeds into

994
00:36:04,650 --> 00:36:05,949
my next point

995
00:36:06,730 --> 00:36:08,969
that there can come a time in a

996
00:36:08,969 --> 00:36:10,349
power exchange relationship

997
00:36:11,344 --> 00:36:14,385
where you can give full consent. It's fully

998
00:36:14,385 --> 00:36:16,005
informed. You are willing,

999
00:36:16,304 --> 00:36:17,605
and it's not enthusiastic.

1000
00:36:18,144 --> 00:36:19,844
And that can be okay.

1001
00:36:20,144 --> 00:36:22,545
It is a delicate balance. It is not

1002
00:36:22,545 --> 00:36:24,565
for the newbie. And I mean the newbie,

1003
00:36:25,059 --> 00:36:27,460
whether that's a new relationship, or y'all been

1004
00:36:27,460 --> 00:36:29,299
married 20 years, but you've been doing DS

1005
00:36:29,299 --> 00:36:30,839
for 5 minutes. Right? Like,

1006
00:36:31,299 --> 00:36:33,000
2 types of newbies, both newbies.

1007
00:36:33,619 --> 00:36:34,119
Until

1008
00:36:34,579 --> 00:36:36,199
your communication is

1009
00:36:36,579 --> 00:36:37,079
solid,

1010
00:36:37,460 --> 00:36:40,715
right, like you have overcome the they should

1011
00:36:40,715 --> 00:36:42,255
just know what I want

1012
00:36:42,715 --> 00:36:44,575
bullshit or the Mhmm.

1013
00:36:45,595 --> 00:36:47,675
They never listen to me anyway, so I'm

1014
00:36:47,675 --> 00:36:49,135
not gonna tell them

1015
00:36:49,755 --> 00:36:52,655
what's going on. Like, the the old,

1016
00:36:54,849 --> 00:36:55,349
unhelpful

1017
00:36:56,050 --> 00:36:58,150
communication styles many of

1018
00:36:58,449 --> 00:37:00,389
us bring with us into kink,

1019
00:37:02,369 --> 00:37:05,429
until you have displaced that and that relationship

1020
00:37:05,570 --> 00:37:07,349
is rock fucking solid,

1021
00:37:08,210 --> 00:37:09,510
rock fucking solid,

1022
00:37:10,344 --> 00:37:10,844
enthusiastic,

1023
00:37:11,144 --> 00:37:13,244
hell yeah, is ideal. Just go with it.

1024
00:37:13,305 --> 00:37:14,825
JB and I are at a point in

1025
00:37:14,825 --> 00:37:17,244
our relationship, and have been for several years,

1026
00:37:18,265 --> 00:37:21,144
that I can consent to things, and I

1027
00:37:21,144 --> 00:37:24,070
am not enthusiastic about them. I'm not. I'm

1028
00:37:24,070 --> 00:37:24,570
willing.

1029
00:37:25,030 --> 00:37:26,789
I know what I'm getting myself into. I

1030
00:37:26,789 --> 00:37:28,250
know what it's gonna be like,

1031
00:37:29,109 --> 00:37:31,269
but there's no hell yeah. There's more like,

1032
00:37:31,269 --> 00:37:33,109
I love you so much. Can you just

1033
00:37:33,109 --> 00:37:34,730
just finish this up now?

1034
00:37:35,190 --> 00:37:36,329
Have a good time.

1035
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:38,554
I'm doing it for you.

1036
00:37:39,255 --> 00:37:42,074
And that gets to be okay. Right? Like,

1037
00:37:42,614 --> 00:37:46,234
that's the fine line between coercion and Mhmm.

1038
00:37:46,295 --> 00:37:48,215
I I don't want this moment, but you

1039
00:37:48,215 --> 00:37:49,779
know what I do want? I want the

1040
00:37:49,779 --> 00:37:51,639
intimacy. I want the connection.

1041
00:37:52,179 --> 00:37:54,819
I want and this this is both a

1042
00:37:54,819 --> 00:37:56,659
danger zone and not a bad thing at

1043
00:37:56,659 --> 00:37:57,480
all, again,

1044
00:37:58,019 --> 00:37:59,799
nuance. I want to know

1045
00:38:00,099 --> 00:38:02,199
that I did that for my partner.

1046
00:38:02,885 --> 00:38:04,744
I can be that way

1047
00:38:05,045 --> 00:38:06,105
because 99%

1048
00:38:06,804 --> 00:38:07,704
of the time,

1049
00:38:08,324 --> 00:38:09,625
the consent is enthusiastic

1050
00:38:10,244 --> 00:38:12,984
because I'm not being made to feel guilty

1051
00:38:13,364 --> 00:38:16,005
if I don't. I could he could want

1052
00:38:16,005 --> 00:38:16,905
to do a thing.

1053
00:38:17,250 --> 00:38:19,510
Free use in our relationship is a thing.

1054
00:38:20,929 --> 00:38:22,210
He could want to do a thing, and

1055
00:38:22,210 --> 00:38:24,050
if I really didn't wanna do it, I

1056
00:38:24,050 --> 00:38:26,369
know and will use the freedom I have

1057
00:38:26,369 --> 00:38:27,969
to go, I love you so much, but

1058
00:38:27,969 --> 00:38:28,949
no. Not tonight.

1059
00:38:29,824 --> 00:38:31,424
Red, or whatever I need to say that,

1060
00:38:31,424 --> 00:38:33,204
like, you know, he understands

1061
00:38:33,505 --> 00:38:35,824
completely what I'm saying. Right. I know I

1062
00:38:35,824 --> 00:38:37,344
have that freedom, and there will be no

1063
00:38:37,344 --> 00:38:39,505
repercussions. I don't have to No. To worry

1064
00:38:39,505 --> 00:38:41,664
about the state of our relationship if I

1065
00:38:41,664 --> 00:38:42,389
withdraw consent

1066
00:38:47,750 --> 00:38:48,250
unenthusiastic

1067
00:38:48,789 --> 00:38:50,789
with my consent. And and then at the

1068
00:38:50,789 --> 00:38:52,969
same time, you know, as as her dominant,

1069
00:38:53,029 --> 00:38:55,589
there are times I have to to gauge

1070
00:38:55,589 --> 00:38:57,724
where, you know, she'll say, you know, Yeah,

1071
00:38:57,724 --> 00:38:59,965
it's okay, we can do that, but, you

1072
00:38:59,965 --> 00:39:02,704
know, you've had a headache, you know, your

1073
00:39:03,164 --> 00:39:06,144
stomach's not doing so great, you know, and

1074
00:39:06,284 --> 00:39:08,585
then I have to make the decision, you

1075
00:39:08,684 --> 00:39:10,920
know, should I, shouldn't I? Yeah. You know,

1076
00:39:11,159 --> 00:39:12,839
and and make that call one way or

1077
00:39:12,839 --> 00:39:14,440
the other. And that goes back to another

1078
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,619
lay layer of being informed.

1079
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:18,299
We do have

1080
00:39:18,599 --> 00:39:20,519
a form of free use and consensual non

1081
00:39:20,519 --> 00:39:23,239
consent in our power exchange baked in. The

1082
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:24,644
reason we can do that and I I

1083
00:39:24,764 --> 00:39:26,125
we did not start off that. We did

1084
00:39:26,125 --> 00:39:27,744
not no. We didn't start off that way.

1085
00:39:27,964 --> 00:39:29,565
I mean, it was fairly early on when

1086
00:39:29,565 --> 00:39:32,065
we lived together, but it wasn't, like, immediate.

1087
00:39:33,885 --> 00:39:36,784
But we can do that because I know.

1088
00:39:37,170 --> 00:39:39,329
He knows I'm gonna tell him I got

1089
00:39:39,329 --> 00:39:42,210
a headache. I'm feeling sick. My mental health

1090
00:39:42,210 --> 00:39:43,809
is bad. Like, he's gonna Right. He knows

1091
00:39:43,809 --> 00:39:45,329
I'm gonna tell him what's going on with

1092
00:39:45,329 --> 00:39:48,210
me, and I know that he's gonna use

1093
00:39:48,210 --> 00:39:50,929
that information and go, okay. The responsible thing

1094
00:39:50,929 --> 00:39:52,815
to do is to let her ass sleep

1095
00:39:52,815 --> 00:39:54,335
over there and not wake her up with

1096
00:39:54,335 --> 00:39:55,315
my dick. Okay?

1097
00:39:59,295 --> 00:40:01,714
And here and here's the thing. And immature

1098
00:40:02,655 --> 00:40:04,355
players, immature kinksters,

1099
00:40:05,454 --> 00:40:06,195
do the,

1100
00:40:07,010 --> 00:40:08,849
oh, no. I'll have to miss out on

1101
00:40:08,849 --> 00:40:10,769
this thing I really want, and I'd rather

1102
00:40:10,769 --> 00:40:11,829
just push forward

1103
00:40:12,449 --> 00:40:14,710
and have dubious consent or none at all

1104
00:40:15,089 --> 00:40:16,690
and then play the but you didn't call

1105
00:40:16,690 --> 00:40:18,769
red. Right? Because I don't wanna miss out

1106
00:40:18,769 --> 00:40:19,670
on this opportunity

1107
00:40:20,449 --> 00:40:21,510
thinking that

1108
00:40:22,414 --> 00:40:24,175
you won't get the opportunity again. You wanna

1109
00:40:24,175 --> 00:40:25,454
know how you get the opportunity to play

1110
00:40:25,454 --> 00:40:28,355
again? You respect your fucking partner and go,

1111
00:40:28,574 --> 00:40:31,554
nothing about that's gonna be enthusiastic and responsible,

1112
00:40:31,775 --> 00:40:33,135
so I'll just hold off. What if I

1113
00:40:33,135 --> 00:40:35,155
said time after time after time

1114
00:40:35,454 --> 00:40:37,875
on this podcast? You don't break your toys.

1115
00:40:38,380 --> 00:40:39,760
You don't break your toys.

1116
00:40:40,139 --> 00:40:41,659
You break them. You can't play with them.

1117
00:40:41,659 --> 00:40:43,500
You don't break them physically. You don't break

1118
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:45,599
them mentally. You don't break their trust.

1119
00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:48,859
Mm-mm. You don't you safeguard that. You go,

1120
00:40:48,859 --> 00:40:51,579
I've been dominance. I've been given this authority,

1121
00:40:51,579 --> 00:40:52,800
this power, this control,

1122
00:40:53,574 --> 00:40:54,954
and this responsibility.

1123
00:40:55,655 --> 00:40:56,155
Right?

1124
00:40:56,454 --> 00:40:58,695
I wanna get to do kinky things with

1125
00:40:58,695 --> 00:40:59,434
my partner

1126
00:40:59,735 --> 00:41:01,114
tomorrow. So maybe

1127
00:41:01,894 --> 00:41:04,795
I will consider their well-being today. Right.

1128
00:41:05,469 --> 00:41:05,969
Yep.

1129
00:41:06,670 --> 00:41:09,329
And that is how I can give

1130
00:41:09,710 --> 00:41:11,309
Rara said it in a good way in

1131
00:41:11,309 --> 00:41:12,690
the live chat, sincere

1132
00:41:13,390 --> 00:41:14,210
but unenthusiastic

1133
00:41:14,910 --> 00:41:15,410
consent.

1134
00:41:16,510 --> 00:41:18,510
I promise you, there there are some times

1135
00:41:18,510 --> 00:41:19,570
when I've been like,

1136
00:41:19,869 --> 00:41:20,369
oh,

1137
00:41:21,654 --> 00:41:23,414
yeah. I feel this dick of knocking. Okay.

1138
00:41:23,414 --> 00:41:24,714
We're doing this. Okay.

1139
00:41:25,174 --> 00:41:27,094
Am I am I am I okay enough

1140
00:41:27,094 --> 00:41:28,795
for that? Yeah. I'm okay enough for this.

1141
00:41:29,414 --> 00:41:31,815
Okay. Here we go. And I'm, like, I'm

1142
00:41:31,815 --> 00:41:32,315
not

1143
00:41:32,614 --> 00:41:35,269
screaming and hanging from the rafters. I'm just

1144
00:41:35,269 --> 00:41:35,769
like,

1145
00:41:36,230 --> 00:41:38,949
sure. It's cool. Let's let's do this. By

1146
00:41:38,949 --> 00:41:39,929
the end of it,

1147
00:41:40,230 --> 00:41:41,909
I'm like, you know what? That that was

1148
00:41:41,909 --> 00:41:44,390
nice. That was nice to have done this

1149
00:41:44,390 --> 00:41:44,890
together.

1150
00:41:45,429 --> 00:41:47,695
But you work up to that with the

1151
00:41:47,695 --> 00:41:48,355
right partner.

1152
00:41:48,734 --> 00:41:49,635
And for anybody

1153
00:41:50,094 --> 00:41:52,175
who has kinda had to do the dating

1154
00:41:52,175 --> 00:41:53,635
around and hasn't found

1155
00:41:54,014 --> 00:41:57,214
what feels like your forever person, right, whether

1156
00:41:57,214 --> 00:41:58,815
you're gonna marry him or not or live

1157
00:41:58,815 --> 00:42:00,094
together with him or not, but that's a

1158
00:42:00,094 --> 00:42:01,900
person you keep coming back to. We haven't

1159
00:42:01,900 --> 00:42:03,739
found that person. I get it's difficult to

1160
00:42:03,739 --> 00:42:06,159
know, is this person the right one?

1161
00:42:07,340 --> 00:42:09,199
You don't start out the gate with,

1162
00:42:10,059 --> 00:42:12,460
you know, allowing yourself to have sincere and

1163
00:42:12,460 --> 00:42:12,960
enthusiastic

1164
00:42:13,340 --> 00:42:13,840
consent.

1165
00:42:14,300 --> 00:42:15,914
You start with

1166
00:42:16,375 --> 00:42:17,974
the no as a complete word. How did

1167
00:42:17,974 --> 00:42:20,534
they respond to that? You start with the

1168
00:42:20,534 --> 00:42:22,375
you only wanna do this when you are

1169
00:42:22,375 --> 00:42:22,875
enthusiastic

1170
00:42:23,815 --> 00:42:26,454
about it and your consent is clear when

1171
00:42:26,454 --> 00:42:29,090
it's like, it's fucking go time. Let's go.

1172
00:42:29,090 --> 00:42:30,469
Let's do this thing. Right?

1173
00:42:31,250 --> 00:42:32,849
Because it's in the times when you have

1174
00:42:32,849 --> 00:42:34,950
to air quote this because it's not real,

1175
00:42:35,090 --> 00:42:35,590
disappoint

1176
00:42:36,289 --> 00:42:37,030
your partner,

1177
00:42:37,329 --> 00:42:39,250
that you kinda see who they really fucking

1178
00:42:39,250 --> 00:42:39,750
are.

1179
00:42:40,530 --> 00:42:42,925
You know? The mature people who are capable

1180
00:42:42,925 --> 00:42:44,704
of handling, like, their own fucking,

1181
00:42:45,164 --> 00:42:46,704
you know, grown up feelings

1182
00:42:47,405 --> 00:42:49,344
go, oh, okay. Yeah. I'm

1183
00:42:49,644 --> 00:42:51,964
I'm minorly disappointed, but I want you to

1184
00:42:51,964 --> 00:42:54,125
be happy, healthy, and safe. So this is

1185
00:42:54,125 --> 00:42:54,625
fine.

1186
00:42:55,199 --> 00:42:56,960
Oh, you need more information. Let's go on

1187
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,119
the journey together of learning about it more

1188
00:42:59,119 --> 00:43:01,599
so you're more comfortable. Oh, you have questions.

1189
00:43:01,599 --> 00:43:03,119
Maybe I can answer them. Maybe I can

1190
00:43:03,119 --> 00:43:04,639
point you in the direction of somebody who

1191
00:43:04,639 --> 00:43:06,260
can. Those responses

1192
00:43:06,559 --> 00:43:08,500
to when you are not enthusiastically

1193
00:43:09,359 --> 00:43:09,859
consenting

1194
00:43:10,925 --> 00:43:12,764
can give you the information you need to

1195
00:43:12,764 --> 00:43:14,784
know, could this person become

1196
00:43:15,164 --> 00:43:15,744
a person

1197
00:43:16,125 --> 00:43:17,744
where I can unenthusiastically

1198
00:43:18,364 --> 00:43:20,364
consent or we can play with free use

1199
00:43:20,364 --> 00:43:23,164
and consensual non consent if that's even your

1200
00:43:23,164 --> 00:43:23,664
jam.

1201
00:43:24,045 --> 00:43:25,585
Let's be very clear here.

1202
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:28,619
You don't have to like it.

1203
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:31,800
You don't have to want it. It's not

1204
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:32,460
a requirement

1205
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,900
of power exchange to play with consensual nonconsent

1206
00:43:36,199 --> 00:43:37,260
and free use.

1207
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:39,640
Do many people do it? Sure. Do some

1208
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,325
people like it as an aspect of this

1209
00:43:41,325 --> 00:43:42,965
is the trust and devotion I have to

1210
00:43:42,965 --> 00:43:43,704
this partner?

1211
00:43:44,164 --> 00:43:44,664
Maybe.

1212
00:43:45,285 --> 00:43:47,845
That's not it's not a requirement. And if

1213
00:43:47,845 --> 00:43:49,945
you're not into it, don't

1214
00:43:50,325 --> 00:43:51,065
do it.

1215
00:43:52,085 --> 00:43:52,980
Simple as that.

1216
00:43:53,699 --> 00:43:55,300
I put and I didn't quite know what

1217
00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:57,559
I meant when I said in my notes,

1218
00:43:57,619 --> 00:43:59,940
consensual non consent isn't a binary. I think

1219
00:43:59,940 --> 00:44:02,260
what I meant by that is some people

1220
00:44:02,260 --> 00:44:03,880
believe consensual non consent

1221
00:44:04,260 --> 00:44:05,940
means that the dom can just come up

1222
00:44:05,940 --> 00:44:07,699
to their partner at any point and do

1223
00:44:07,699 --> 00:44:09,344
what the fuck they want with them, toss

1224
00:44:09,344 --> 00:44:10,704
them on the ground, and walk out the

1225
00:44:10,704 --> 00:44:11,204
door,

1226
00:44:11,985 --> 00:44:13,744
or it's not that. Like, that there's it's

1227
00:44:13,744 --> 00:44:15,744
a black and white thing. And we have

1228
00:44:15,744 --> 00:44:18,385
found that free use, which is part of

1229
00:44:18,385 --> 00:44:20,304
consensual non consent, we did a whole episode

1230
00:44:20,304 --> 00:44:22,164
on that. I believe that was episode 380,

1231
00:44:23,425 --> 00:44:25,500
is it's can be very subtle and it

1232
00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:26,800
can be very nuanced.

1233
00:44:27,099 --> 00:44:28,000
Ours is

1234
00:44:28,860 --> 00:44:30,320
JB can technically

1235
00:44:30,699 --> 00:44:32,539
come up to me and do, within my

1236
00:44:32,539 --> 00:44:34,860
own boundaries, whatever the fuck he wants at

1237
00:44:34,860 --> 00:44:36,140
any fucking point, which is how I get

1238
00:44:36,140 --> 00:44:36,945
woke and put dick

1239
00:44:39,744 --> 00:44:40,244
sometimes.

1240
00:44:40,545 --> 00:44:42,005
But the reality

1241
00:44:42,305 --> 00:44:42,965
of that

1242
00:44:43,265 --> 00:44:45,204
is just because he can

1243
00:44:45,664 --> 00:44:47,204
doesn't mean he will.

1244
00:44:47,505 --> 00:44:49,585
Right. And that's the thing you wanna pay

1245
00:44:49,585 --> 00:44:52,380
attention to if you're gonna navigate that kind

1246
00:44:52,380 --> 00:44:54,239
of consent in your power exchange.

1247
00:44:54,779 --> 00:44:55,519
The responsibility

1248
00:44:56,940 --> 00:44:59,440
the dom takes on and handles

1249
00:45:00,139 --> 00:45:02,000
about just because they can,

1250
00:45:03,179 --> 00:45:06,824
they don't. Right? There are too many out

1251
00:45:06,824 --> 00:45:08,425
there who put on the little hat and

1252
00:45:08,425 --> 00:45:10,664
call themselves a little domly dom, say all

1253
00:45:10,664 --> 00:45:12,505
the right words at least online where they

1254
00:45:12,505 --> 00:45:15,385
can use chat GPT probably at this actually,

1255
00:45:15,385 --> 00:45:16,664
you know what? That's the one good thing

1256
00:45:16,664 --> 00:45:18,809
I'll say about AI. None of them are

1257
00:45:18,809 --> 00:45:21,050
kink friendly. They will not give somebody the

1258
00:45:21,050 --> 00:45:21,550
script.

1259
00:45:22,329 --> 00:45:23,690
You gonna have to learn it the old

1260
00:45:23,690 --> 00:45:25,450
fashioned way the rest like the rest of

1261
00:45:25,450 --> 00:45:28,829
the posers did and go infiltrate kinks' faces.

1262
00:45:29,210 --> 00:45:29,789
Oh, god.

1263
00:45:30,090 --> 00:45:31,450
Anyway, I mean, I don't want that either,

1264
00:45:31,450 --> 00:45:32,329
but you know what I mean? At least

1265
00:45:32,329 --> 00:45:33,994
it's not as easy as chat GPT.

1266
00:45:34,534 --> 00:45:37,034
But they'll say all the right things,

1267
00:45:38,134 --> 00:45:39,594
but they will then

1268
00:45:40,454 --> 00:45:42,295
say the things of, well, I'm the dom

1269
00:45:42,295 --> 00:45:43,674
so I can do what I want.

1270
00:45:44,134 --> 00:45:45,894
Those are not the people we're gonna play

1271
00:45:45,894 --> 00:45:47,894
consent to non consent with, y'all, because you

1272
00:45:47,894 --> 00:45:49,900
can't trust them. You can't trust them to

1273
00:45:49,900 --> 00:45:50,640
go, wow.

1274
00:45:51,019 --> 00:45:53,099
My partner is over there throwing up in

1275
00:45:53,099 --> 00:45:53,760
the toilet

1276
00:45:54,140 --> 00:45:56,380
and has shitting at the same time with

1277
00:45:56,380 --> 00:45:57,199
cold sweats.

1278
00:45:58,619 --> 00:46:00,460
I'm a little turned on, but maybe now

1279
00:46:00,460 --> 00:46:01,599
is not the time

1280
00:46:02,619 --> 00:46:03,945
to go, you know,

1281
00:46:04,905 --> 00:46:06,664
shove my dick in their mouth or whatever.

1282
00:46:06,664 --> 00:46:08,905
Right? Like and did I use the dick?

1283
00:46:08,905 --> 00:46:10,684
Yes. Because does it tend to

1284
00:46:11,144 --> 00:46:12,844
be cis men? Yes.

1285
00:46:13,305 --> 00:46:14,125
Not always.

1286
00:46:14,505 --> 00:46:15,324
Not all,

1287
00:46:15,864 --> 00:46:16,684
but enough.

1288
00:46:17,385 --> 00:46:20,199
So you're gonna look for, is this a

1289
00:46:20,199 --> 00:46:22,059
person who can handle who can handle

1290
00:46:22,599 --> 00:46:25,079
the minor disappointment? Who cares more about your

1291
00:46:25,079 --> 00:46:25,579
well-being

1292
00:46:26,199 --> 00:46:27,659
than their needs?

1293
00:46:28,519 --> 00:46:30,460
Air quote, needs. Right? Yeah.

1294
00:46:31,914 --> 00:46:33,755
Yep. And that's how you can play fast

1295
00:46:33,755 --> 00:46:36,315
and loose with what cons what consent looks

1296
00:46:36,315 --> 00:46:38,795
like. Like, you can do the, sure. Wake

1297
00:46:38,795 --> 00:46:40,474
me up by, you know, yanking me out

1298
00:46:40,474 --> 00:46:41,614
of the bed by my hair.

1299
00:46:42,315 --> 00:46:44,154
Because I know that when it's bad or

1300
00:46:44,154 --> 00:46:46,050
when there's something going on or when that's

1301
00:46:46,050 --> 00:46:47,570
not a good time, you will respect that.

1302
00:46:47,570 --> 00:46:49,170
You will be aware of it. I don't

1303
00:46:49,170 --> 00:46:51,890
have to necessarily tell you that maybe tonight

1304
00:46:51,890 --> 00:46:53,170
when we go to bed at 11 and

1305
00:46:53,170 --> 00:46:54,369
I have to wake up at 3 because

1306
00:46:54,369 --> 00:46:55,809
that's what my job makes me be there

1307
00:46:55,809 --> 00:46:57,809
by 5, please don't wake me up that

1308
00:46:57,809 --> 00:46:58,309
way

1309
00:46:58,769 --> 00:47:01,195
because you've got enough sense of responsibility as

1310
00:47:01,195 --> 00:47:02,954
a dom to go. That's not gonna be

1311
00:47:02,954 --> 00:47:04,795
good for them. Mhmm. So we won't do

1312
00:47:04,795 --> 00:47:05,295
that.

1313
00:47:05,914 --> 00:47:07,514
I didn't know this episode would just be

1314
00:47:07,514 --> 00:47:09,034
an excuse for me to rant at all

1315
00:47:09,034 --> 00:47:10,894
the bullshitters out there. I'm sorry.

1316
00:47:11,514 --> 00:47:12,574
Didn't. I wasn't.

1317
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:14,639
Do you have anything else you wanna say

1318
00:47:14,639 --> 00:47:17,679
about consensual nonconsent? No. We have done episodes

1319
00:47:17,679 --> 00:47:19,280
on them. So they're there if you wanna

1320
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:20,099
do deep dives.

1321
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:22,639
Here's the part we've kinda been talking about,

1322
00:47:22,639 --> 00:47:25,780
but let's let's end here Okay. On consent

1323
00:47:25,839 --> 00:47:26,659
and power exchange.

1324
00:47:27,625 --> 00:47:28,125
Withdrawing

1325
00:47:28,425 --> 00:47:30,684
consent whenever the fuck you need to.

1326
00:47:30,985 --> 00:47:33,005
Yeah. I don't care how you

1327
00:47:34,425 --> 00:47:34,925
coordinate

1328
00:47:35,385 --> 00:47:36,905
your power exchange. I don't care if you

1329
00:47:36,905 --> 00:47:38,905
call it total power exchange. I don't care

1330
00:47:38,905 --> 00:47:42,070
if it's micromanaged power exchange. There had better

1331
00:47:42,210 --> 00:47:44,230
be a fucking mechanism

1332
00:47:44,530 --> 00:47:47,269
for either partner to withdraw consent.

1333
00:47:47,570 --> 00:47:50,050
That mechanism might look different depending on your

1334
00:47:50,050 --> 00:47:50,550
dynamic.

1335
00:47:50,929 --> 00:47:55,114
Right? The more master slave, total, total, total

1336
00:47:55,114 --> 00:47:55,614
micromanaged

1337
00:47:55,914 --> 00:47:58,094
down to, like, every minute of the day,

1338
00:47:58,394 --> 00:48:00,335
couldn't be me dynamic,

1339
00:48:01,114 --> 00:48:01,614
won't

1340
00:48:03,275 --> 00:48:06,414
have the same way of withdrawing consent

1341
00:48:06,769 --> 00:48:07,269
necessarily

1342
00:48:07,570 --> 00:48:10,130
that a loosey goosey power exchange like JB

1343
00:48:10,130 --> 00:48:12,050
and I've got. Right? I can, at any

1344
00:48:12,050 --> 00:48:13,889
point, at any moment, of any day, look

1345
00:48:13,889 --> 00:48:15,650
over him and go red. I don't know

1346
00:48:15,650 --> 00:48:17,349
what we're redding about, but something.

1347
00:48:17,809 --> 00:48:20,150
Somebody else who has a very tight structure

1348
00:48:20,555 --> 00:48:22,394
might have to use a different mechanism, but

1349
00:48:22,394 --> 00:48:25,454
that mechanism better fucking be there.

1350
00:48:26,474 --> 00:48:28,315
Yeah. I'm now yelling at y'all, and I'm

1351
00:48:28,315 --> 00:48:28,815
sorry.

1352
00:48:29,675 --> 00:48:30,894
Be because, you know,

1353
00:48:31,275 --> 00:48:33,614
consent is not one and done.

1354
00:48:34,230 --> 00:48:36,550
Alright? I didn't get consent from you in

1355
00:48:36,550 --> 00:48:38,309
the beginning of our relationship, and that is

1356
00:48:38,309 --> 00:48:38,869
a blanket

1357
00:48:39,429 --> 00:48:41,429
Yeah. Everyday moving forward. For every day we

1358
00:48:41,429 --> 00:48:43,590
are together Right. And for everything we do.

1359
00:48:43,590 --> 00:48:45,130
No. It doesn't work that way.

1360
00:48:45,510 --> 00:48:48,150
No. And that's that Consent is ongoing. And

1361
00:48:48,150 --> 00:48:49,965
that is the frustrating thing because

1362
00:48:50,925 --> 00:48:51,425
plenty

1363
00:48:52,045 --> 00:48:53,905
of the air quote bullshit doms,

1364
00:48:54,445 --> 00:48:57,105
the bad doms, the uneducated doms, the irresponsible

1365
00:48:57,644 --> 00:48:58,144
doms,

1366
00:48:58,525 --> 00:49:00,925
however we wanna label them, will go, well,

1367
00:49:00,925 --> 00:49:03,890
you said yes. And, man, they'll fucking have

1368
00:49:03,890 --> 00:49:05,430
the date and time memorized.

1369
00:49:06,289 --> 00:49:08,390
Why why you gotta know it that well?

1370
00:49:09,969 --> 00:49:11,489
Why? Why do you have to know the

1371
00:49:11,489 --> 00:49:12,769
exact date and time to throw it back

1372
00:49:12,769 --> 00:49:14,690
at a partner? Because the like you said,

1373
00:49:14,690 --> 00:49:16,335
consent is ongoing. Mhmm.

1374
00:49:16,894 --> 00:49:18,355
Each partner should be

1375
00:49:18,655 --> 00:49:19,554
working to

1376
00:49:20,014 --> 00:49:21,394
have, earn, maintain

1377
00:49:21,695 --> 00:49:23,234
the consent of their partner

1378
00:49:23,775 --> 00:49:25,234
every fucking day,

1379
00:49:25,934 --> 00:49:28,434
every fucking day. And I don't really care

1380
00:49:28,574 --> 00:49:29,714
what I said

1381
00:49:30,494 --> 00:49:30,994
on

1382
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:32,460
December 23,

1383
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:33,820
2012

1384
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:37,559
because what matters for my consent now is

1385
00:49:37,559 --> 00:49:38,700
what I said

1386
00:49:39,079 --> 00:49:39,900
on September

1387
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:40,780
11,

1388
00:49:41,079 --> 00:49:41,579
2024.

1389
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:44,380
That's what fucking matters.

1390
00:49:44,815 --> 00:49:46,255
Yep. So if you happen to be in

1391
00:49:46,255 --> 00:49:47,614
a dynamic, you're like, I don't know. Am

1392
00:49:47,614 --> 00:49:49,315
I kinda being treated like shit?

1393
00:49:50,414 --> 00:49:53,054
How how how does a partner handle it

1394
00:49:53,054 --> 00:49:54,414
when you go, no. I don't wanna do

1395
00:49:54,414 --> 00:49:56,735
this. No. I don't like this anymore. This

1396
00:49:56,735 --> 00:49:58,494
isn't working for me. And this doesn't have

1397
00:49:58,494 --> 00:50:00,069
to be the whole relationship. It can just

1398
00:50:00,069 --> 00:50:01,750
be this one thing you've been doing for

1399
00:50:01,750 --> 00:50:02,569
a hot minute.

1400
00:50:03,670 --> 00:50:04,170
Right?

1401
00:50:05,510 --> 00:50:08,230
There are so many signs and ways, and

1402
00:50:08,230 --> 00:50:10,150
sometimes you don't know them until hindsight and

1403
00:50:10,150 --> 00:50:11,210
you're learning from

1404
00:50:11,510 --> 00:50:13,670
bad shit that's happened. But there are so

1405
00:50:13,670 --> 00:50:15,194
many signs that

1406
00:50:15,734 --> 00:50:18,054
most shitty partners will give off. Most of

1407
00:50:18,054 --> 00:50:19,494
them are not as smart as they think

1408
00:50:19,494 --> 00:50:20,635
they are. Okay?

1409
00:50:22,054 --> 00:50:23,574
They're not as good as they think they

1410
00:50:23,574 --> 00:50:25,335
are. Sometimes we're just not paying as close

1411
00:50:25,335 --> 00:50:27,994
attention as we eventually learn how to do,

1412
00:50:29,099 --> 00:50:31,260
And a good clear sign of whether you

1413
00:50:31,260 --> 00:50:32,619
do you should be in a power exchange

1414
00:50:32,619 --> 00:50:33,739
with them at all is how they handle

1415
00:50:33,739 --> 00:50:35,820
it when you have to tell them, this

1416
00:50:35,820 --> 00:50:37,420
thing we've been doing is not working for

1417
00:50:37,420 --> 00:50:37,920
me.

1418
00:50:38,539 --> 00:50:40,059
That is true of both sides of the

1419
00:50:40,059 --> 00:50:40,559
slash.

1420
00:50:40,860 --> 00:50:43,260
Mhmm. I don't care what you negotiated on

1421
00:50:43,260 --> 00:50:45,734
day 1 and consented to on day 1.

1422
00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:47,815
You get to

1423
00:50:48,355 --> 00:50:48,855
redetermine

1424
00:50:49,155 --> 00:50:51,635
what you're consenting to every fucking day. Right.

1425
00:50:51,635 --> 00:50:53,155
And that's the dom and the sub. Now

1426
00:50:53,155 --> 00:50:54,034
the dom has a

1427
00:50:54,835 --> 00:50:57,394
it's less overt most of the time with

1428
00:50:57,394 --> 00:51:00,179
most dominance because if they don't wanna do

1429
00:51:00,179 --> 00:51:02,779
something, they just don't do it. Right? The

1430
00:51:02,900 --> 00:51:03,940
I think the only time we've ever The

1431
00:51:03,940 --> 00:51:06,019
interneater can't make me do it. Right. I

1432
00:51:06,019 --> 00:51:07,699
think the only time we've ever had a

1433
00:51:07,699 --> 00:51:09,800
conversation where you've sort of

1434
00:51:10,340 --> 00:51:10,840
formally

1435
00:51:11,380 --> 00:51:13,514
withdrawn consent is when it was something we

1436
00:51:13,514 --> 00:51:15,514
did negotiate, and we did say, hey. We're

1437
00:51:15,514 --> 00:51:17,355
gonna do these things, and you kinda had

1438
00:51:17,355 --> 00:51:17,934
to go,

1439
00:51:18,315 --> 00:51:20,315
yeah. That's not working for me. Right? We

1440
00:51:20,315 --> 00:51:22,795
we needed to have that conversation. Doms, if

1441
00:51:22,795 --> 00:51:25,034
you don't wanna do anything anymore that you've

1442
00:51:25,034 --> 00:51:27,640
previously said you would do, please do not

1443
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:29,199
just stop doing it. No. Have a conversation.

1444
00:51:29,199 --> 00:51:29,739
Have a

1445
00:51:30,199 --> 00:51:30,699
conversation.

1446
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:34,460
K? Yeah. Your boundaries matter and important, but

1447
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:36,920
leaving your partner hanging and wondering what the

1448
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:39,800
hell's going on when their expectation was this,

1449
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:42,265
and now you've changed things, things, it's it's

1450
00:51:42,265 --> 00:51:43,945
all gonna get fucked up. That's just like

1451
00:51:43,945 --> 00:51:44,344
had,

1452
00:51:45,704 --> 00:51:47,784
as as the kids were growing up and

1453
00:51:47,784 --> 00:51:49,864
and the one still is, kind of, you

1454
00:51:49,864 --> 00:51:51,385
know, that is something that,

1455
00:51:52,425 --> 00:51:55,085
we always talk to them about because it

1456
00:51:55,224 --> 00:51:57,119
it even starts there. You know,

1457
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:00,019
kids are not always happy with the rules,

1458
00:52:00,720 --> 00:52:02,000
you know? Who knows? And,

1459
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:03,140
you know,

1460
00:52:04,559 --> 00:52:05,059
sometimes

1461
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:07,519
the kids, you know, they rather ask for

1462
00:52:07,519 --> 00:52:08,480
forgiveness than,

1463
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:09,940
permission.

1464
00:52:10,445 --> 00:52:12,684
Oh, yeah. Yeah. One definitely. Thank god he's

1465
00:52:12,684 --> 00:52:14,764
an adult now. Right. Do what you want.

1466
00:52:14,764 --> 00:52:17,405
So, you know, that, you know and and

1467
00:52:17,405 --> 00:52:19,085
always tried to make a point in pressing

1468
00:52:19,085 --> 00:52:21,244
the kids, you know, alright, you were not

1469
00:52:21,244 --> 00:52:22,385
happy with this,

1470
00:52:22,980 --> 00:52:24,980
you know, rule and the thing and, you

1471
00:52:24,980 --> 00:52:27,139
know, everything that went along with it. Not

1472
00:52:27,139 --> 00:52:29,079
up to you to just stop and change.

1473
00:52:29,300 --> 00:52:31,320
You know? Need to talk about this. Right.

1474
00:52:31,699 --> 00:52:33,000
Use your words. Yeah.

1475
00:52:33,300 --> 00:52:35,300
And that's the thing. Doms, you've got to

1476
00:52:35,300 --> 00:52:36,519
be able to have that conversation.

1477
00:52:36,924 --> 00:52:39,324
You do I do think Dom's I don't

1478
00:52:39,324 --> 00:52:40,704
wanna say easy. That's

1479
00:52:41,005 --> 00:52:42,605
I don't like that word, but I think

1480
00:52:42,605 --> 00:52:44,385
it can be simpler for a Dom.

1481
00:52:44,844 --> 00:52:47,404
It's why we don't talk enough about Dom's

1482
00:52:47,404 --> 00:52:49,744
also being allowed to have safe words. Right?

1483
00:52:50,204 --> 00:52:52,224
A safe word is not a foolproof mechanism

1484
00:52:52,519 --> 00:52:54,920
with which to withdraw consent, but it is

1485
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:56,699
a tool, should be one of many.

1486
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:58,440
Yes. We tend to talk about it for

1487
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,359
the submissive or the bottom because they are

1488
00:53:00,359 --> 00:53:02,780
on the receiving end of whatever is happening,

1489
00:53:03,159 --> 00:53:05,445
and it is very easy for things to

1490
00:53:05,445 --> 00:53:06,885
go bad and there to be a a

1491
00:53:06,885 --> 00:53:10,565
danger situation. Right? Yes. Yeah. But dominance gets

1492
00:53:10,565 --> 00:53:12,565
a safe word out. The difference is is

1493
00:53:12,565 --> 00:53:13,785
that dominance tend

1494
00:53:14,244 --> 00:53:16,005
to I think only once that I can

1495
00:53:16,005 --> 00:53:17,845
think of you actually safe worded. Mhmm. Most

1496
00:53:17,845 --> 00:53:19,389
of the time, you just stop. You're just

1497
00:53:19,389 --> 00:53:21,230
done. And I'm like, well, I coulda gone

1498
00:53:21,230 --> 00:53:23,070
for another hour, and you're like, that's lovely.

1499
00:53:23,070 --> 00:53:25,389
I couldn't. We're done now. Yeah. And that's

1500
00:53:25,389 --> 00:53:28,210
the control you have. But what gets

1501
00:53:28,750 --> 00:53:31,949
lost in that sometimes is the communication about

1502
00:53:31,949 --> 00:53:32,909
it. Yeah.

1503
00:53:33,230 --> 00:53:35,014
Because I promise you plenty

1504
00:53:35,474 --> 00:53:37,875
plenty of people are not dissimilar to me

1505
00:53:37,875 --> 00:53:39,234
and will make up our own story in

1506
00:53:39,234 --> 00:53:41,474
our head about why you stopped doing the

1507
00:53:41,474 --> 00:53:41,974
thing,

1508
00:53:42,355 --> 00:53:44,194
and we'll forget to go ask you why

1509
00:53:44,194 --> 00:53:46,034
you stopped doing. And so now we've worked

1510
00:53:46,034 --> 00:53:46,934
ourselves up,

1511
00:53:47,394 --> 00:53:48,835
but when all you gotta do is talk

1512
00:53:48,835 --> 00:53:50,980
to to yourself. And and and here's another

1513
00:53:50,980 --> 00:53:52,739
little caveat, and I throw this in here

1514
00:53:52,739 --> 00:53:55,159
because this is something you and I experienced.

1515
00:53:57,299 --> 00:53:58,759
When a partner is unable

1516
00:54:00,019 --> 00:54:01,559
to give consent,

1517
00:54:02,579 --> 00:54:03,079
alright,

1518
00:54:03,474 --> 00:54:05,474
In this and and I'm talking about this

1519
00:54:05,474 --> 00:54:05,974
in

1520
00:54:06,514 --> 00:54:08,755
in the fact that we're already in a

1521
00:54:08,755 --> 00:54:09,255
scene,

1522
00:54:10,194 --> 00:54:10,694
okay,

1523
00:54:11,474 --> 00:54:13,714
and you have gone so you have been

1524
00:54:13,714 --> 00:54:16,194
so far under in subspace I'm not even

1525
00:54:16,194 --> 00:54:18,194
speaking anymore. You you cannot speak and when

1526
00:54:18,194 --> 00:54:20,420
I ask you for a color Mhmm.

1527
00:54:20,860 --> 00:54:22,239
You could not respond.

1528
00:54:22,539 --> 00:54:23,039
Right.

1529
00:54:23,420 --> 00:54:24,559
And at that point,

1530
00:54:25,260 --> 00:54:26,159
I was like,

1531
00:54:26,539 --> 00:54:29,820
we're done. Mhmm. And sometimes Everything ends. And

1532
00:54:29,820 --> 00:54:32,219
and depending on the situation, sometimes everything ends.

1533
00:54:32,219 --> 00:54:34,219
And that's Mhmm. In that moment, we were

1534
00:54:34,219 --> 00:54:36,265
at the club. If I if I wasn't

1535
00:54:36,265 --> 00:54:38,425
responding, scene was over. Move on. Let somebody

1536
00:54:38,425 --> 00:54:40,125
else have the space. At home,

1537
00:54:40,585 --> 00:54:42,184
I might come back to myself. I might

1538
00:54:42,265 --> 00:54:44,105
we might have a conversation. You kinda have

1539
00:54:44,105 --> 00:54:46,025
that lull sometimes, and then you start back

1540
00:54:46,025 --> 00:54:49,019
up again. Yeah. That's another thing with consent

1541
00:54:49,019 --> 00:54:51,260
specific to kink scenes. It's not specific to

1542
00:54:51,260 --> 00:54:53,739
power exchange. All kinksters should have some version

1543
00:54:53,739 --> 00:54:54,880
of this. Right.

1544
00:54:56,460 --> 00:54:58,940
This goes back to enthusiastic consent. When in

1545
00:54:58,940 --> 00:55:00,320
doubt, fucking check-in

1546
00:55:00,905 --> 00:55:02,045
in a scene.

1547
00:55:03,545 --> 00:55:04,605
If you are

1548
00:55:05,545 --> 00:55:08,264
if sometimes it's if you're uncertain doms out

1549
00:55:08,264 --> 00:55:10,664
there, and sometimes it's like, well, I think

1550
00:55:10,664 --> 00:55:12,025
I know what's going on, but it's good

1551
00:55:12,025 --> 00:55:13,949
to, like, just take the temperature of the

1552
00:55:13,949 --> 00:55:17,889
situation. Right? Yeah. Like, if I go quiet,

1553
00:55:18,349 --> 00:55:20,510
that's the time to check-in. I'm either zoned

1554
00:55:20,510 --> 00:55:23,230
out feeling real good or I'm I'm unable

1555
00:55:23,230 --> 00:55:25,090
to, like, say words now.

1556
00:55:25,710 --> 00:55:27,964
But it doesn't have to be this

1557
00:55:28,264 --> 00:55:29,324
stop everything

1558
00:55:30,184 --> 00:55:32,424
turn you know, air quote, kill the mood

1559
00:55:32,664 --> 00:55:34,984
Mhmm. And have an interrogation about where your

1560
00:55:34,984 --> 00:55:36,984
partner's at. It is as simple as you

1561
00:55:37,224 --> 00:55:38,904
we do a color system. Yeah. Because our

1562
00:55:38,984 --> 00:55:41,769
my safe order is red. He'll say, give

1563
00:55:41,769 --> 00:55:44,190
me a color. Mhmm. And if I'm enthusiastic

1564
00:55:45,210 --> 00:55:46,730
about it, I don't think that's worth the

1565
00:55:46,890 --> 00:55:47,390
Green.

1566
00:55:48,410 --> 00:55:51,309
Oh, I'll tell you. Forest green, hunter green.

1567
00:55:51,690 --> 00:55:53,150
Every Dark green.

1568
00:55:53,769 --> 00:55:55,230
Pine tree green.

1569
00:55:56,809 --> 00:55:57,164
Right?

1570
00:55:58,364 --> 00:56:00,285
That depends on how playful I'm feeling. Because

1571
00:56:00,285 --> 00:56:03,005
sometimes I really like the scene, but I

1572
00:56:03,005 --> 00:56:04,605
really wish she'd stop hitting me that with

1573
00:56:04,605 --> 00:56:06,465
that one thing. And so I'll say, like,

1574
00:56:06,844 --> 00:56:07,824
greeny yellow,

1575
00:56:08,204 --> 00:56:10,844
yellowy orange. Like, I get creative with it.

1576
00:56:10,844 --> 00:56:12,819
You do. Which for us feeds into our

1577
00:56:12,819 --> 00:56:14,900
dynamic because it's playful and it's silly and

1578
00:56:14,900 --> 00:56:17,380
whatever. Yes. But he can do it sexy.

1579
00:56:17,380 --> 00:56:19,139
He can do it we don't role play

1580
00:56:19,139 --> 00:56:20,980
because that's the quickest way to give me

1581
00:56:20,980 --> 00:56:21,880
the ick. But

1582
00:56:22,260 --> 00:56:23,699
if you're doing, like, a role play, like,

1583
00:56:23,699 --> 00:56:26,235
there's there's a scene scene. Like, there's script

1584
00:56:26,394 --> 00:56:28,414
and choreography and maybe costumes.

1585
00:56:28,954 --> 00:56:29,855
You can keep

1586
00:56:30,394 --> 00:56:32,394
it in character. Like, I don't know how

1587
00:56:32,394 --> 00:56:32,894
because

1588
00:56:33,275 --> 00:56:34,954
I have the ick thinking about it y'all,

1589
00:56:34,954 --> 00:56:36,795
but you'll figure it out. I I have

1590
00:56:36,795 --> 00:56:38,954
no no doubt. You'll figure it out. You

1591
00:56:38,954 --> 00:56:41,340
can keep stay in character. You can keep

1592
00:56:41,579 --> 00:56:42,400
the tone

1593
00:56:42,700 --> 00:56:44,940
of the the mood. Ours just tends to

1594
00:56:44,940 --> 00:56:45,599
be very

1595
00:56:46,219 --> 00:56:46,719
sadistically

1596
00:56:47,099 --> 00:56:47,599
playful.

1597
00:56:47,900 --> 00:56:48,400
Okay?

1598
00:56:49,260 --> 00:56:51,280
I'm going to scream and giggle,

1599
00:56:51,980 --> 00:56:53,519
when we really get to play.

1600
00:56:54,059 --> 00:56:55,739
So yes, if he asks for a color

1601
00:56:55,739 --> 00:56:58,825
and I'm feeling myself, he's gonna get all

1602
00:56:58,825 --> 00:57:00,585
the shades I can think of. Yep. I

1603
00:57:00,585 --> 00:57:01,945
really need to get one of those mega

1604
00:57:01,945 --> 00:57:03,965
boxes of Crayola so I can learn.

1605
00:57:05,144 --> 00:57:06,684
And maybe, like, the,

1606
00:57:08,505 --> 00:57:09,244
the Pantone,

1607
00:57:10,380 --> 00:57:11,199
like, catalog

1608
00:57:11,659 --> 00:57:13,819
so I can learn some new greens, yellows,

1609
00:57:13,819 --> 00:57:15,199
and reds, and oranges.

1610
00:57:15,980 --> 00:57:18,079
I mean, I think that would be delightful.

1611
00:57:18,299 --> 00:57:19,900
A call out there that I don't know

1612
00:57:19,900 --> 00:57:22,000
what it is. You're screwed, kid.

1613
00:57:22,380 --> 00:57:23,199
You're screwed.

1614
00:57:24,804 --> 00:57:25,304
Wait.

1615
00:57:25,684 --> 00:57:26,824
Here's the thing.

1616
00:57:32,164 --> 00:57:32,664
Consent

1617
00:57:32,965 --> 00:57:35,465
is a very serious thing. Yes.

1618
00:57:35,765 --> 00:57:37,065
It should be taken

1619
00:57:37,364 --> 00:57:37,864
seriously.

1620
00:57:38,660 --> 00:57:40,119
It is the responsibility

1621
00:57:40,579 --> 00:57:41,480
of everybody

1622
00:57:41,940 --> 00:57:42,440
involved.

1623
00:57:42,900 --> 00:57:43,719
That means,

1624
00:57:44,260 --> 00:57:44,760
submissives,

1625
00:57:45,140 --> 00:57:46,900
your dom will not just know when you

1626
00:57:46,980 --> 00:57:49,059
that is unfair of you to expect them

1627
00:57:49,059 --> 00:57:49,559
to.

1628
00:57:50,019 --> 00:57:52,180
It's a skill to develop. You gotta learn

1629
00:57:52,180 --> 00:57:53,885
how to fucking say the thing you gotta

1630
00:57:53,885 --> 00:57:54,385
say.

1631
00:57:55,324 --> 00:57:58,364
If verbalizing things is difficult, you figure out

1632
00:57:58,364 --> 00:57:59,744
the tools that work best.

1633
00:58:00,525 --> 00:58:01,025
Ideally,

1634
00:58:01,965 --> 00:58:04,045
you figure out what the signals are of,

1635
00:58:04,045 --> 00:58:05,724
like, what it would mean if I screamed

1636
00:58:05,724 --> 00:58:08,960
out hunter green or forest green in a

1637
00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:09,460
scene

1638
00:58:10,079 --> 00:58:12,559
before you see him. You have these fucking

1639
00:58:12,559 --> 00:58:15,599
awkward conversations. They're not awkward. Once you're with

1640
00:58:15,599 --> 00:58:16,179
a partner

1641
00:58:16,559 --> 00:58:18,260
that you've got that

1642
00:58:18,559 --> 00:58:21,359
intimacy and the vulnerability and the trust and

1643
00:58:21,359 --> 00:58:23,380
you know who you're dealing with,

1644
00:58:24,425 --> 00:58:26,505
it doesn't it should not be awkward. It

1645
00:58:26,505 --> 00:58:28,824
can be difficult. I've had difficult conversations with

1646
00:58:28,824 --> 00:58:30,105
JB that I was like, I really don't

1647
00:58:30,105 --> 00:58:31,465
want to have to have this conversation with

1648
00:58:31,465 --> 00:58:34,184
you, but I know I can. Yeah. I

1649
00:58:34,184 --> 00:58:36,098
know I'm safe to have this conversation with

1650
00:58:36,098 --> 00:58:38,326
you. Right? Mhmm. Once you're at that point

1651
00:58:38,326 --> 00:58:40,553
and that's mutual and you're each proving to

1652
00:58:40,553 --> 00:58:42,780
the other every day that you are a

1653
00:58:42,780 --> 00:58:45,565
safe partner for each other Mhmm. You can

1654
00:58:45,565 --> 00:58:47,793
get goofy. You can go off the rails.

1655
00:58:47,793 --> 00:58:49,824
You can do shit that that we would

1656
00:58:49,824 --> 00:58:52,224
never recommend to a brand new person. Like,

1657
00:58:52,224 --> 00:58:52,885
I'm not

1658
00:58:53,265 --> 00:58:55,344
I'm not gonna tell somebody who's never seen

1659
00:58:55,344 --> 00:58:57,265
before with this dom they met 2 weeks

1660
00:58:57,265 --> 00:58:59,905
ago. Just scream out a random color. That'll

1661
00:58:59,905 --> 00:59:01,525
go fine. Like, no.

1662
00:59:02,739 --> 00:59:03,239
No.

1663
00:59:04,579 --> 00:59:06,019
Yeah. No. It don't work that way. But

1664
00:59:06,019 --> 00:59:07,860
that's the thing you can develop, and you

1665
00:59:07,860 --> 00:59:10,760
develop it with a trusted partner, somebody who's

1666
00:59:10,820 --> 00:59:12,440
worthy of that. Right?

1667
00:59:12,820 --> 00:59:13,059
There

1668
00:59:14,180 --> 00:59:16,099
and that takes time. That really does take

1669
00:59:16,099 --> 00:59:16,599
time.

1670
00:59:17,474 --> 00:59:19,155
But, yes, withdrawing consent has to be a

1671
00:59:19,155 --> 00:59:20,215
factor. Yeah.

1672
00:59:21,635 --> 00:59:22,934
Asking for consent

1673
00:59:23,715 --> 00:59:25,555
even when you're pretty sure you've got it.

1674
00:59:25,555 --> 00:59:28,375
There's nothing wrong with that. It's not diminishing

1675
00:59:28,515 --> 00:59:30,535
it anyway. It does not diminish a dominance

1676
00:59:30,595 --> 00:59:33,010
authority. It should not diminish their standing. It

1677
00:59:33,010 --> 00:59:35,250
shouldn't for them to check-in. And I and

1678
00:59:35,250 --> 00:59:37,510
here's the thing. For all that I lecture,

1679
00:59:37,650 --> 00:59:39,670
doms who think they shouldn't have to,

1680
00:59:40,530 --> 00:59:41,349
now that

1681
00:59:42,130 --> 00:59:42,630
certain

1682
00:59:43,170 --> 00:59:45,654
parts of the Internet have found us on

1683
00:59:45,654 --> 00:59:47,654
Instagram. I am seeing some shit, and I

1684
00:59:47,654 --> 00:59:49,414
am worried for some of you submissives out

1685
00:59:49,414 --> 00:59:51,335
there. If I have to read one more

1686
00:59:51,335 --> 00:59:54,134
comment of I shouldn't have to say it,

1687
00:59:54,134 --> 00:59:56,714
I'm a lose my damn mind. Uh-oh.

1688
00:59:57,014 --> 00:59:57,514
Because

1689
00:59:57,974 --> 00:59:58,474
Boop.

1690
01:00:00,949 --> 01:00:02,710
Yeah, you should have to say it. There

1691
01:00:02,710 --> 01:00:04,089
can come a point

1692
01:00:04,389 --> 01:00:07,109
where you may not have to actually say

1693
01:00:07,109 --> 01:00:07,929
it anymore.

1694
01:00:08,789 --> 01:00:10,170
Shorthand in relationships

1695
01:00:10,630 --> 01:00:11,130
exists.

1696
01:00:11,994 --> 01:00:13,755
That clearly needs to be a topic at

1697
01:00:13,755 --> 01:00:15,534
some point when we're out of this series.

1698
01:00:16,234 --> 01:00:18,234
But because I I mentioned it so fucking

1699
01:00:18,234 --> 01:00:18,734
often.

1700
01:00:19,355 --> 01:00:21,835
But, yeah, you do have to say it.

1701
01:00:21,835 --> 01:00:23,994
You should say it. You better fucking say

1702
01:00:23,994 --> 01:00:25,389
it because it's not fair to you, and

1703
01:00:25,389 --> 01:00:25,554
it's not fair to that partner. You wanna

1704
01:00:25,554 --> 01:00:26,089
know how, and

1705
01:00:26,509 --> 01:00:27,009
it's

1706
01:00:27,429 --> 01:00:28,375
not foolproof because there is no foolproof, but

1707
01:00:28,375 --> 01:00:29,349
you wanna know a real quick way to

1708
01:00:29,349 --> 01:00:30,869
weed out a shitty fucking dom who's not

1709
01:00:30,869 --> 01:00:31,929
worth your fucking time?

1710
01:00:37,025 --> 01:00:39,505
Start speaking up for yourself. Advocate for yourself.

1711
01:00:39,505 --> 01:00:40,965
Tell them what the fuck you want.

1712
01:00:41,585 --> 01:00:43,344
Most of them, if they're no good, you'll

1713
01:00:43,344 --> 01:00:45,824
you'll probably see the signs pretty fucking quick

1714
01:00:45,824 --> 01:00:46,805
because they usually

1715
01:00:47,344 --> 01:00:48,785
not all of them, but some of them

1716
01:00:48,785 --> 01:00:51,440
cannot fucking handle a submissive who knows what

1717
01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:53,539
the fuck they want and will communicate it.

1718
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:55,760
Weed them out as quickly as you can.

1719
01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:57,039
It won't get all of them, but it'll

1720
01:00:57,039 --> 01:00:58,260
get enough of them.

1721
01:00:58,639 --> 01:00:59,139
Also,

1722
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:01,920
care about your potential dom as much as

1723
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:03,679
you fucking care about yourself. Maybe more. Some

1724
01:01:03,679 --> 01:01:05,804
of y'all maybe. Maybe there are some subs

1725
01:01:05,804 --> 01:01:07,324
who don't think they should have to say

1726
01:01:07,324 --> 01:01:08,925
the thing. Maybe they don't care about themselves

1727
01:01:08,925 --> 01:01:09,984
as much as they should.

1728
01:01:10,364 --> 01:01:12,445
Fucking care about the other person. If you're

1729
01:01:12,445 --> 01:01:13,905
not telling your dom

1730
01:01:14,445 --> 01:01:15,964
what you want, what you're trying to get

1731
01:01:15,964 --> 01:01:17,324
out of this experience, what you want your

1732
01:01:17,324 --> 01:01:18,659
power exchange look like, what you want the

1733
01:01:18,659 --> 01:01:19,859
scene to look like, what you want the

1734
01:01:19,859 --> 01:01:21,619
sex to look like. Maybe not in the

1735
01:01:21,619 --> 01:01:22,119
moment,

1736
01:01:22,500 --> 01:01:25,059
but when you're negotiating it outside, how the

1737
01:01:25,059 --> 01:01:26,659
fuck do they consent? They don't even know

1738
01:01:26,659 --> 01:01:28,579
what the fuck they're consenting to. They don't

1739
01:01:28,579 --> 01:01:30,199
know if they do a thing,

1740
01:01:30,525 --> 01:01:32,125
if you want it, if it's good for

1741
01:01:32,125 --> 01:01:32,625
you,

1742
01:01:33,164 --> 01:01:35,085
if it's like safe for you to even

1743
01:01:35,085 --> 01:01:35,585
experience.

1744
01:01:36,284 --> 01:01:37,664
What the fuck are we doing?

1745
01:01:38,284 --> 01:01:40,385
If I had to read one more look,

1746
01:01:41,005 --> 01:01:42,444
I made a little meme I've I've been

1747
01:01:42,444 --> 01:01:45,250
making reels that are more meme focused. It

1748
01:01:45,250 --> 01:01:46,150
delights me.

1749
01:01:47,089 --> 01:01:49,329
People are seeing them. I get the dopamine

1750
01:01:49,329 --> 01:01:51,510
rush from that. But on the one

1751
01:01:52,369 --> 01:01:54,289
where I used the sound bite from is

1752
01:01:54,289 --> 01:01:56,150
it the movie The Notebook? I don't know.

1753
01:01:56,494 --> 01:01:58,574
Some little blonde white actor is screaming, just

1754
01:01:58,574 --> 01:01:59,614
tell me what you want. Just tell me

1755
01:01:59,614 --> 01:02:01,215
what you want. What do you want? And

1756
01:02:01,215 --> 01:02:02,355
I felt that frustration

1757
01:02:03,215 --> 01:02:04,434
on JB's behalf

1758
01:02:04,735 --> 01:02:06,335
very early in our relationship. And a lot

1759
01:02:06,335 --> 01:02:07,454
of people were like, yeah. I know that's

1760
01:02:07,454 --> 01:02:09,215
really hard. And there's discussions that happen in

1761
01:02:09,215 --> 01:02:10,894
the comment section. Mhmm. And then there are

1762
01:02:10,894 --> 01:02:12,590
just enough people who are like, but I

1763
01:02:12,590 --> 01:02:14,610
shouldn't have to. I don't want to.

1764
01:02:15,150 --> 01:02:16,989
I'm gonna lose my damn mind in this

1765
01:02:17,070 --> 01:02:17,570
I

1766
01:02:21,949 --> 01:02:24,369
know it can be awkward and uncomfortable

1767
01:02:25,894 --> 01:02:27,494
And I even know the struggle from a

1768
01:02:27,494 --> 01:02:28,474
submissive perspective

1769
01:02:28,855 --> 01:02:31,094
on part of like, this is me personal.

1770
01:02:31,094 --> 01:02:33,114
I'm not speaking for every submissive. Part of

1771
01:02:33,175 --> 01:02:35,114
what I want as a submissive

1772
01:02:35,574 --> 01:02:37,255
is to not have to think too fucking

1773
01:02:37,255 --> 01:02:38,934
hard, to kinda turn my brain off and

1774
01:02:38,934 --> 01:02:42,660
let Mhmm. Let JB lead, let JB decide.

1775
01:02:44,079 --> 01:02:45,840
You don't get to the point where you

1776
01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:49,440
can do that with minimal risk until you

1777
01:02:49,440 --> 01:02:50,980
figure out how to

1778
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:54,239
talk about it. Outside of the moment, in

1779
01:02:54,239 --> 01:02:56,765
the moment, in the scene, I know how,

1780
01:02:56,765 --> 01:02:58,385
at this point, I've developed the skills,

1781
01:02:59,164 --> 01:03:00,765
safe word out pretty quickly, which I don't

1782
01:03:00,765 --> 01:03:02,525
really have to use my safe word, to

1783
01:03:02,525 --> 01:03:05,085
just communicate, hey, that did not that that

1784
01:03:05,085 --> 01:03:06,765
impact there did not land where you meant

1785
01:03:06,765 --> 01:03:09,420
it to. To communicate and and, like, tweak

1786
01:03:09,420 --> 01:03:10,860
things in the moment. Took me a while

1787
01:03:10,860 --> 01:03:11,679
to get there,

1788
01:03:12,780 --> 01:03:14,480
but you can't get to that

1789
01:03:16,380 --> 01:03:18,480
without having the conversations first in the experience.

1790
01:03:18,699 --> 01:03:19,199
And

1791
01:03:19,659 --> 01:03:21,340
it is it would be awkward for me

1792
01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:22,380
to have to turn to him in mid

1793
01:03:22,380 --> 01:03:23,599
scene and go, actually,

1794
01:03:24,054 --> 01:03:25,255
you know how we talked about this, like,

1795
01:03:25,255 --> 01:03:26,454
a week ago? We had that scene 2

1796
01:03:26,454 --> 01:03:28,454
weeks ago, but this isn't working for me

1797
01:03:28,454 --> 01:03:31,015
right now. No. You have that's why you

1798
01:03:31,015 --> 01:03:33,574
do debriefs after a scene. Right? Maybe it's

1799
01:03:33,574 --> 01:03:34,934
not the same day. Maybe it's, like, the

1800
01:03:34,934 --> 01:03:36,454
next day when you're, like you've come back

1801
01:03:36,454 --> 01:03:38,519
to yourself, where you talk about, hey. What'd

1802
01:03:38,519 --> 01:03:39,800
you like? What didn't you like? What can

1803
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:41,079
we do better? What do you wanna try

1804
01:03:41,079 --> 01:03:43,640
next? How'd you feel about that? Or you

1805
01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:45,960
know, hey. Friday night is our time to

1806
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:47,340
fucking play, and it's Thursday,

1807
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:49,880
and I got some shit going down. Well,

1808
01:03:49,880 --> 01:03:50,445
on Thursday,

1809
01:03:50,925 --> 01:03:53,485
before the scene, you talk about it. You

1810
01:03:53,485 --> 01:03:54,525
don't have to talk about it in the

1811
01:03:54,525 --> 01:03:55,405
moment. You can have

1812
01:03:55,965 --> 01:03:57,965
in a perfect world, you can have the

1813
01:03:57,965 --> 01:04:00,224
head space you want in the scene,

1814
01:04:00,765 --> 01:04:03,105
but for everybody to be able to consent,

1815
01:04:03,485 --> 01:04:05,744
to maintain consent, to withdraw consent,

1816
01:04:06,130 --> 01:04:06,789
to be

1817
01:04:07,650 --> 01:04:08,150
as

1818
01:04:08,929 --> 01:04:10,609
to mitigate the risk as much as possible.

1819
01:04:10,609 --> 01:04:11,730
I hate to say it as safe as

1820
01:04:11,730 --> 01:04:13,670
possible because it's an impossibility.

1821
01:04:13,969 --> 01:04:15,909
To mitigate risk as much as possible,

1822
01:04:16,369 --> 01:04:18,449
you have to learn how to have those

1823
01:04:18,449 --> 01:04:18,949
conversations.

1824
01:04:19,344 --> 01:04:21,425
And it is awkward, and it sucks at

1825
01:04:21,425 --> 01:04:22,945
first until you get good at it. And

1826
01:04:22,945 --> 01:04:23,925
I promise you,

1827
01:04:24,305 --> 01:04:27,525
the I probably filled reams of fucking paper

1828
01:04:27,824 --> 01:04:30,805
with handwritten notes because I was too scared

1829
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:33,199
to say the damn words. Because what what

1830
01:04:33,199 --> 01:04:34,773
do you what what you know, when you

1831
01:04:34,773 --> 01:04:36,239
say Yeah. I'm just yelling at everybody. They

1832
01:04:36,239 --> 01:04:36,980
should know.

1833
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:40,400
Mhmm. Alright. Fucking hate you. Okay. Then then

1834
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:41,139
you're putting

1835
01:04:42,320 --> 01:04:44,179
putting me into a guessing game.

1836
01:04:45,824 --> 01:04:46,065
And,

1837
01:04:46,945 --> 01:04:48,244
that can't end well.

1838
01:04:49,505 --> 01:04:50,945
So, you know, yeah. It it is important

1839
01:04:51,025 --> 01:04:53,425
because now consent is questionable. Right. And it's

1840
01:04:53,425 --> 01:04:55,824
questionable on both sides. Mhmm. Because the other

1841
01:04:55,824 --> 01:04:57,570
thing that I find from the type of

1842
01:04:57,570 --> 01:04:59,510
submissive who just goes, you should know, or

1843
01:04:59,570 --> 01:05:01,170
the other one I've been seeing on that

1844
01:05:01,170 --> 01:05:02,070
same one,

1845
01:05:02,449 --> 01:05:03,510
that same reel,

1846
01:05:03,809 --> 01:05:06,289
is, but your pleasure is my pleasure. Here's

1847
01:05:06,289 --> 01:05:09,110
the thing, that is true until they accidentally

1848
01:05:09,410 --> 01:05:11,890
find the one thing that freaks you the

1849
01:05:11,890 --> 01:05:13,974
fuck out. Right. And then guess what? Their

1850
01:05:13,974 --> 01:05:16,054
pleasure ain't your pleasure anymore. Or or or

1851
01:05:16,054 --> 01:05:17,335
in that, you know, all of a sudden,

1852
01:05:17,335 --> 01:05:20,074
you know, step on a landmine. Mhmm. Okay?

1853
01:05:20,295 --> 01:05:21,494
And now we're dealing with a, like, a

1854
01:05:21,494 --> 01:05:24,375
mental health crisis. Right. Yeah. Right. I mean,

1855
01:05:24,375 --> 01:05:25,755
you know, I I,

1856
01:05:26,739 --> 01:05:28,980
as much as I would've would've liked to,

1857
01:05:29,780 --> 01:05:31,619
you know, I I failed out on psychic

1858
01:05:31,619 --> 01:05:32,119
101.

1859
01:05:32,820 --> 01:05:34,660
Yeah. You haven't picked the right lotto numbers

1860
01:05:34,660 --> 01:05:36,340
yet. No. I mean, apparently, you have to

1861
01:05:36,340 --> 01:05:37,860
play the lotto to win it, but still.

1862
01:05:37,860 --> 01:05:39,539
Yeah. Still. So,

1863
01:05:41,315 --> 01:05:43,394
yeah. You know, that that that is not

1864
01:05:43,394 --> 01:05:44,775
not a good way to go

1865
01:05:45,795 --> 01:05:46,454
at all.

1866
01:05:46,914 --> 01:05:48,515
I mean, I this is not universally true,

1867
01:05:48,515 --> 01:05:49,795
but tell me you're a new sub without

1868
01:05:49,795 --> 01:05:51,715
telling me you're a new sub. Tell me

1869
01:05:51,715 --> 01:05:53,555
that you want you want whatever they want.

1870
01:05:53,555 --> 01:05:55,715
It's that same thing of the newbie subs

1871
01:05:55,715 --> 01:05:57,780
who go, I have no limits. Yeah. I

1872
01:05:57,780 --> 01:06:00,920
mean, you know, someone someone telling me that,

1873
01:06:00,980 --> 01:06:02,440
well, you should just know.

1874
01:06:03,940 --> 01:06:05,800
Okay? Or, you know,

1875
01:06:06,579 --> 01:06:07,559
I'll do anything.

1876
01:06:08,340 --> 01:06:09,960
Will you? Yeah.

1877
01:06:10,795 --> 01:06:13,454
Right. Yeah. You know, those those are huge.

1878
01:06:13,594 --> 01:06:15,614
They're red flags. Red flags. They're red flags.

1879
01:06:15,755 --> 01:06:17,914
And it's not a thing that's it's not

1880
01:06:17,914 --> 01:06:20,414
that it's not overcomeable. It usually requires

1881
01:06:20,954 --> 01:06:22,574
more education, more understanding

1882
01:06:23,034 --> 01:06:25,570
of how this can should all be operating.

1883
01:06:25,630 --> 01:06:26,530
Right? Yeah.

1884
01:06:27,630 --> 01:06:29,650
And getting over the discomfort

1885
01:06:30,110 --> 01:06:32,510
of having to say the thing that you're

1886
01:06:32,510 --> 01:06:34,750
thinking. Yeah. And there's a lot that goes

1887
01:06:34,750 --> 01:06:37,150
into why it can be difficult for people

1888
01:06:37,150 --> 01:06:39,284
to communicate. Some of it's just lack of

1889
01:06:39,284 --> 01:06:41,045
skill. Right? Well, most of us aren't raised

1890
01:06:41,045 --> 01:06:43,125
with good communication skills. Some of it is

1891
01:06:43,125 --> 01:06:45,445
the shit you've been through in prior relationships,

1892
01:06:45,445 --> 01:06:48,164
and that is real. That is valid. But

1893
01:06:48,164 --> 01:06:50,164
that does not get to be the excuse

1894
01:06:50,164 --> 01:06:51,369
you carry with you for the rest of

1895
01:06:51,369 --> 01:06:53,050
your fucking life and still expect to have

1896
01:06:53,050 --> 01:06:54,030
healthy relationships.

1897
01:06:54,409 --> 01:06:56,809
Right. It's not gonna fucking work. You're gonna

1898
01:06:56,809 --> 01:06:58,650
have to work through that. And now working

1899
01:06:58,650 --> 01:07:00,510
through it is gonna look different for everybody.

1900
01:07:00,730 --> 01:07:01,849
I don't know how to tell you how

1901
01:07:01,849 --> 01:07:02,809
to work through it. I

1902
01:07:03,494 --> 01:07:04,855
for all that I some days, I'm like,

1903
01:07:04,855 --> 01:07:06,375
I have totally worked through it. And then

1904
01:07:06,375 --> 01:07:08,375
I'll come across something, and I'm like, why

1905
01:07:08,375 --> 01:07:10,775
am I struggling to say the thing? Yeah.

1906
01:07:10,775 --> 01:07:12,154
It's not that the struggle

1907
01:07:12,534 --> 01:07:14,614
to say the thing goes away. It's the

1908
01:07:14,614 --> 01:07:17,630
awareness that I am struggling. And that awareness

1909
01:07:17,769 --> 01:07:20,250
is information to tell me something's going on

1910
01:07:20,250 --> 01:07:20,750
here.

1911
01:07:21,130 --> 01:07:23,150
And then I go and do the introspective

1912
01:07:23,369 --> 01:07:24,190
thing of

1913
01:07:24,650 --> 01:07:26,409
why am I struggling? How can I get

1914
01:07:26,409 --> 01:07:28,109
around the struggle? So

1915
01:07:28,809 --> 01:07:31,150
I almost did it recently.

1916
01:07:32,704 --> 01:07:34,304
Not in the for the way we used

1917
01:07:34,304 --> 01:07:35,125
to. So,

1918
01:07:35,744 --> 01:07:38,784
typically, if I am physically writing out or

1919
01:07:38,784 --> 01:07:41,264
typing out my thoughts to JB, it's because

1920
01:07:41,264 --> 01:07:43,025
we are in conflict, and we're not really

1921
01:07:43,025 --> 01:07:45,585
hearing each other very well anymore. Mhmm. And

1922
01:07:45,585 --> 01:07:48,079
I need to take the space and time

1923
01:07:48,079 --> 01:07:50,099
to get it all out of my head,

1924
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:52,640
edit it, clarify it, get rid of the

1925
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:55,199
run on sentences, all the umms, likes, and

1926
01:07:55,199 --> 01:07:57,039
trains of thought that will happen when I

1927
01:07:57,039 --> 01:07:57,539
speak,

1928
01:07:57,840 --> 01:07:59,199
and get it as clear as I can

1929
01:07:59,199 --> 01:08:00,494
and hand it off to him.

1930
01:08:01,295 --> 01:08:02,195
And then let

1931
01:08:02,494 --> 01:08:05,454
him consume that information and digest it away

1932
01:08:05,454 --> 01:08:07,934
from me. That is typically while I why

1933
01:08:07,934 --> 01:08:09,855
I will write out my thoughts and share

1934
01:08:09,855 --> 01:08:10,755
them with JB.

1935
01:08:11,135 --> 01:08:13,454
That is a thing we still use today.

1936
01:08:13,454 --> 01:08:15,530
It started when it was hard for me

1937
01:08:15,530 --> 01:08:17,550
to have conversations. Right? Yep.

1938
01:08:17,850 --> 01:08:20,810
Recently, I was having a moment where and

1939
01:08:20,810 --> 01:08:22,050
I don't even remember what it's about now.

1940
01:08:22,050 --> 01:08:23,930
I think we we solved it. It got

1941
01:08:23,930 --> 01:08:26,270
resolved, but I was struggling to communicate.

1942
01:08:27,694 --> 01:08:29,534
Proof that that struggle does not just go

1943
01:08:29,534 --> 01:08:31,854
away, but my awareness of the struggle is

1944
01:08:31,854 --> 01:08:33,074
the skill I've gained.

1945
01:08:33,454 --> 01:08:35,614
And I thought for a brief moment, oh,

1946
01:08:35,614 --> 01:08:37,215
maybe I need to write this out. Because

1947
01:08:37,215 --> 01:08:39,054
the moment I recognized the struggle, I was

1948
01:08:39,054 --> 01:08:40,414
like, what am I gonna do about it?

1949
01:08:40,414 --> 01:08:42,354
Is do I need to have this conversation?

1950
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:44,119
Do I need to say this? And I

1951
01:08:44,119 --> 01:08:46,039
was like, yeah. This seems pretty important to

1952
01:08:46,039 --> 01:08:47,479
me. We need to have the I need

1953
01:08:47,479 --> 01:08:48,539
to tell him this thing,

1954
01:08:48,920 --> 01:08:49,239
but I'm

1955
01:08:50,119 --> 01:08:52,039
I can't seem to get the words out.

1956
01:08:52,039 --> 01:08:54,359
I can't seem to, like, sit and I

1957
01:08:54,359 --> 01:08:56,274
think we I think we ended up just

1958
01:08:56,274 --> 01:08:58,114
having the conversation. I felt better about it

1959
01:08:58,114 --> 01:08:59,795
a day or 2 later. But I was

1960
01:08:59,795 --> 01:09:01,475
like, you know what I could do if

1961
01:09:01,475 --> 01:09:03,975
I need to? I'll just write it down.

1962
01:09:05,154 --> 01:09:05,654
So

1963
01:09:06,194 --> 01:09:08,755
you have to find your way to work

1964
01:09:08,755 --> 01:09:11,050
through that and work through whatever it is

1965
01:09:11,050 --> 01:09:13,150
that holds you back from being

1966
01:09:13,690 --> 01:09:16,430
able to communicate. Because if you cannot

1967
01:09:17,289 --> 01:09:19,530
figure out how to fucking communicate in your

1968
01:09:19,530 --> 01:09:20,350
power exchange,

1969
01:09:20,729 --> 01:09:23,130
nobody is is getting out of that one

1970
01:09:23,130 --> 01:09:24,909
on stage. You're in deep doo doo.

1971
01:09:25,314 --> 01:09:27,395
Right. It's gonna you're gonna ruin something that

1972
01:09:27,395 --> 01:09:30,274
could be great. Mhmm. You're gonna cause harm

1973
01:09:30,274 --> 01:09:32,194
when you don't mean to. Right. Harm is

1974
01:09:32,194 --> 01:09:34,354
going to be caused to you that might

1975
01:09:34,354 --> 01:09:35,335
have been avoidable.

1976
01:09:35,875 --> 01:09:36,614
Like, just

1977
01:09:37,474 --> 01:09:39,800
Yeah. A lot of things. And you can't

1978
01:09:40,420 --> 01:09:41,800
give or receive

1979
01:09:42,260 --> 01:09:43,159
full consent

1980
01:09:43,699 --> 01:09:45,640
if you cannot talk about the things

1981
01:09:46,020 --> 01:09:48,439
that are being consented to. Mm-mm.

1982
01:09:48,739 --> 01:09:51,780
And you can't withdraw consent if you're not

1983
01:09:51,780 --> 01:09:54,614
willing to speak up and say, in whatever

1984
01:09:54,614 --> 01:09:56,875
form it takes, I withdraw consent.

1985
01:09:57,734 --> 01:10:00,055
I don't wanna do this. I don't like

1986
01:10:00,055 --> 01:10:00,555
this.

1987
01:10:00,935 --> 01:10:03,574
No. For me, it's red, and we actually

1988
01:10:03,574 --> 01:10:05,515
use it in everyday conversation

1989
01:10:05,895 --> 01:10:07,574
because, again, it's we need to do this

1990
01:10:07,574 --> 01:10:08,715
topic. It's a shorthand.

1991
01:10:09,640 --> 01:10:12,199
We know red is our safe word. Red

1992
01:10:12,199 --> 01:10:12,699
means

1993
01:10:13,159 --> 01:10:15,480
not just no, but hell no. Stop right

1994
01:10:15,480 --> 01:10:18,039
now. Mhmm. So when we're talking about things

1995
01:10:18,039 --> 01:10:19,659
that aren't even about kink,

1996
01:10:20,199 --> 01:10:21,500
not about fuckery,

1997
01:10:22,440 --> 01:10:24,840
partly because every part of our life is

1998
01:10:24,840 --> 01:10:27,314
touched by our power exchange in some way.

1999
01:10:29,054 --> 01:10:30,734
If he says something I don't like, I'm

2000
01:10:30,734 --> 01:10:32,914
like, I know I'm not doing that. Red.

2001
01:10:33,054 --> 01:10:35,375
Red. Red. Red. Red. And he knows exactly

2002
01:10:35,375 --> 01:10:37,135
what I mean. Now that might mean we

2003
01:10:37,135 --> 01:10:39,854
have a deeper conversation later. It might mean

2004
01:10:39,854 --> 01:10:41,159
we giggle about it, and we move on

2005
01:10:41,159 --> 01:10:43,800
and he never brings that topic up again.

2006
01:10:43,800 --> 01:10:45,400
You're not going there again. Right? But he

2007
01:10:45,400 --> 01:10:46,760
does the same thing to me. I'll mention

2008
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:49,079
something of, hey, daddy, could we, would you,

2009
01:10:49,079 --> 01:10:51,420
I'd like, and if he's a hell no,

2010
01:10:52,039 --> 01:10:52,780
we'll go

2011
01:10:53,239 --> 01:10:56,039
red, what the hell? And then usually follow

2012
01:10:56,039 --> 01:10:57,474
it up with a a hell no.

2013
01:10:58,175 --> 01:11:00,574
And and we can we can we do

2014
01:11:00,574 --> 01:11:03,454
that in our everyday, you know, communication as

2015
01:11:03,454 --> 01:11:03,954
well

2016
01:11:04,414 --> 01:11:06,494
to make it clear what the fuck we

2017
01:11:06,494 --> 01:11:06,994
mean.

2018
01:11:07,454 --> 01:11:09,614
What that's gonna look like for you, how

2019
01:11:09,614 --> 01:11:10,994
you're gonna get there,

2020
01:11:11,439 --> 01:11:11,939
how

2021
01:11:13,119 --> 01:11:15,219
vigorous that's gonna be or not

2022
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:16,819
is dependent upon

2023
01:11:17,199 --> 01:11:19,679
who you are, how you're wired, your partner,

2024
01:11:19,679 --> 01:11:22,319
how they're wired, how that interacts together, what

2025
01:11:22,319 --> 01:11:24,899
you find that works for both of you.

2026
01:11:24,960 --> 01:11:27,664
Mhmm. But you are not gonna get out

2027
01:11:27,664 --> 01:11:28,164
of

2028
01:11:28,465 --> 01:11:28,965
fully

2029
01:11:29,984 --> 01:11:31,925
the never having to say the thing.

2030
01:11:32,784 --> 01:11:35,104
Doesn't work. Does not work. You cannot give

2031
01:11:35,104 --> 01:11:37,984
informed and enthusiastic consent. You never fucking talk

2032
01:11:37,984 --> 01:11:39,925
about it. Mhmm. True. True.

2033
01:11:41,890 --> 01:11:42,390
Yeah.

2034
01:11:43,810 --> 01:11:44,630
There you go.

2035
01:11:45,250 --> 01:11:47,329
I didn't know I was gonna scream at

2036
01:11:47,329 --> 01:11:49,909
you all for an hour. I'm so sorry.

2037
01:11:51,569 --> 01:11:52,630
I think it's because

2038
01:11:54,050 --> 01:11:56,369
folks who even if you're still in that

2039
01:11:56,369 --> 01:11:59,324
stage of figuring it out, practicing the skills,

2040
01:11:59,545 --> 01:12:00,045
navigating

2041
01:12:00,824 --> 01:12:02,045
the stuff that's difficult,

2042
01:12:02,744 --> 01:12:05,225
most responsible adults fucking get it. But I

2043
01:12:05,225 --> 01:12:05,465
just

2044
01:12:06,744 --> 01:12:08,364
we see just enough

2045
01:12:08,744 --> 01:12:10,345
of folks who don't want to, wish they

2046
01:12:10,345 --> 01:12:12,119
didn't have to, refuse to

2047
01:12:12,680 --> 01:12:15,239
learn the importance of communication in order to

2048
01:12:15,239 --> 01:12:18,619
be able to give and receive full consent,

2049
01:12:19,399 --> 01:12:22,439
that it's just it's it's frustrating because it's

2050
01:12:22,439 --> 01:12:22,939
dangerous.

2051
01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:24,140
Like,

2052
01:12:24,600 --> 01:12:25,064
you know,

2053
01:12:26,265 --> 01:12:28,765
I it's probably my literal brain. It

2054
01:12:29,385 --> 01:12:31,725
But when I think about safety and risk,

2055
01:12:32,344 --> 01:12:33,164
I forget

2056
01:12:34,104 --> 01:12:35,805
that we all have our own

2057
01:12:37,064 --> 01:12:39,484
level of how much risk we can accept.

2058
01:12:39,699 --> 01:12:41,720
Mhmm. And so if I say something's risky,

2059
01:12:43,060 --> 01:12:43,880
I forget

2060
01:12:44,659 --> 01:12:46,680
that that does that people don't

2061
01:12:47,699 --> 01:12:49,079
some people will go,

2062
01:12:49,539 --> 01:12:51,539
that's too small of a risk for me

2063
01:12:51,539 --> 01:12:53,479
to care about, and, also,

2064
01:12:53,854 --> 01:12:55,774
that's too much of a risk for me

2065
01:12:55,774 --> 01:12:56,515
to, like,

2066
01:12:56,975 --> 01:12:59,375
move forward. I tend to be a it's

2067
01:12:59,375 --> 01:13:01,135
too much of a risk for me to

2068
01:13:01,135 --> 01:13:02,895
move forward. Like, I forget that there's all

2069
01:13:02,895 --> 01:13:04,895
this nuance at risk, and I'm like, that's

2070
01:13:04,895 --> 01:13:06,354
risky. Be careful.

2071
01:13:08,949 --> 01:13:10,469
And I know that there are some people

2072
01:13:10,469 --> 01:13:11,609
out there who are just

2073
01:13:12,069 --> 01:13:13,909
they're raw dogging life in a way that

2074
01:13:13,909 --> 01:13:16,630
I could never. Right? They're like, yeah. Sure.

2075
01:13:16,630 --> 01:13:18,810
Sure. There's a risk. I don't actually care.

2076
01:13:20,064 --> 01:13:21,045
But you know what?

2077
01:13:22,064 --> 01:13:22,564
That,

2078
01:13:23,984 --> 01:13:25,204
I could not imagine.

2079
01:13:25,744 --> 01:13:27,425
I don't think that's safe. I don't think

2080
01:13:27,425 --> 01:13:28,804
that's best practice.

2081
01:13:29,104 --> 01:13:31,425
But if you can have that full conversation

2082
01:13:31,425 --> 01:13:32,244
with a partner

2083
01:13:32,569 --> 01:13:34,970
and explain your thinking and they can accept

2084
01:13:34,970 --> 01:13:37,050
that thinking and you're both those fucking risk

2085
01:13:37,050 --> 01:13:38,029
takers together,

2086
01:13:39,210 --> 01:13:39,710
just

2087
01:13:40,890 --> 01:13:41,390
okay.

2088
01:13:45,050 --> 01:13:46,350
But yeah. Yeah.

2089
01:13:47,255 --> 01:13:49,494
So, anyway, my throat now hurts. I think

2090
01:13:49,494 --> 01:13:51,114
I sucked down on my diet Coke.

2091
01:13:52,774 --> 01:13:53,835
Oh, yeah. You did.

2092
01:13:54,614 --> 01:13:56,054
Put the big block of ice in there

2093
01:13:56,054 --> 01:13:58,635
now. I know. I will say we really,

2094
01:13:58,774 --> 01:13:59,274
truly

2095
01:13:59,814 --> 01:14:02,979
only touched on high points. Yeah. And main

2096
01:14:03,359 --> 01:14:05,300
big points of the consent

2097
01:14:05,600 --> 01:14:06,100
conversation

2098
01:14:06,560 --> 01:14:09,680
because it is involved and it is nuanced

2099
01:14:09,680 --> 01:14:10,979
and it can be nuanced.

2100
01:14:12,319 --> 01:14:14,000
So if you're like, yeah, but I have

2101
01:14:14,000 --> 01:14:16,505
thoughts about blah or what about blah,

2102
01:14:16,885 --> 01:14:19,125
the links to all the times we've so

2103
01:14:19,125 --> 01:14:20,664
far talked about consent

2104
01:14:21,364 --> 01:14:22,345
since 2015

2105
01:14:23,765 --> 01:14:25,945
are in the places and feel free to

2106
01:14:26,405 --> 01:14:28,425
to deep dive and, you know,

2107
01:14:29,525 --> 01:14:32,420
get more information or get more perspective or

2108
01:14:32,420 --> 01:14:33,239
whatever whatever.

2109
01:14:35,060 --> 01:14:36,900
The one thing and it didn't really fit

2110
01:14:36,900 --> 01:14:37,400
here,

2111
01:14:37,860 --> 01:14:40,100
but I I'm kind of thinking of I

2112
01:14:40,180 --> 01:14:41,720
right before we started streaming,

2113
01:14:42,180 --> 01:14:44,595
Eevee's latest video popped up in my feed.

2114
01:14:44,835 --> 01:14:45,335
And

2115
01:14:47,155 --> 01:14:48,935
I did not watch it, so I'm paraphrasing

2116
01:14:49,155 --> 01:14:51,555
my memory of what it was about. But,

2117
01:14:51,555 --> 01:14:53,015
basically, it was sort of this

2118
01:14:54,675 --> 01:14:57,015
commentary on a a lot of things that

2119
01:14:57,074 --> 01:14:59,590
are I too am seeing online about people

2120
01:14:59,970 --> 01:15:02,850
just acting like we're not people involved in

2121
01:15:02,850 --> 01:15:05,970
kink can't possibly consent to things. And everything

2122
01:15:05,970 --> 01:15:07,970
is too dangerous, and everything is air quote

2123
01:15:07,970 --> 01:15:10,289
abuse because it's impossible to consent to things.

2124
01:15:10,289 --> 01:15:13,045
And these are things that reasonable people absolutely

2125
01:15:13,104 --> 01:15:14,404
can and do consent to.

2126
01:15:14,704 --> 01:15:16,484
And that's the other side of the consent

2127
01:15:16,784 --> 01:15:17,284
conversation

2128
01:15:17,585 --> 01:15:19,664
Yeah. That there will absolutely be people that

2129
01:15:19,664 --> 01:15:22,085
you know, that you come across, that strangers

2130
01:15:22,304 --> 01:15:22,965
and randos,

2131
01:15:23,505 --> 01:15:25,904
will tell you that you are not allowed

2132
01:15:25,904 --> 01:15:27,204
to consent to something.

2133
01:15:27,720 --> 01:15:29,020
And that is a

2134
01:15:29,800 --> 01:15:30,300
frustrating

2135
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:31,819
part of the experience.

2136
01:15:33,319 --> 01:15:35,800
And it's gonna give you practice at ignoring

2137
01:15:35,800 --> 01:15:39,159
people whose opinions do not matter. Right. My

2138
01:15:39,159 --> 01:15:41,500
first rule of that is,

2139
01:15:42,765 --> 01:15:45,104
do you help me pay the mortgage?

2140
01:15:47,404 --> 01:15:49,725
Did you take my kid to a doctor's

2141
01:15:49,725 --> 01:15:50,225
appointment?

2142
01:15:51,324 --> 01:15:53,885
Do you even know my legal name and

2143
01:15:53,885 --> 01:15:56,125
my phone number to text me? Your opinion

2144
01:15:56,125 --> 01:15:57,090
does not matter that much,

2145
01:15:58,050 --> 01:15:59,569
so not worried about it. But it takes

2146
01:15:59,569 --> 01:16:00,770
a while to get there too. Yeah. But

2147
01:16:00,770 --> 01:16:02,770
that's the other part where we're working so

2148
01:16:02,770 --> 01:16:05,170
hard, and we as the kink community, we

2149
01:16:05,170 --> 01:16:06,770
as us, y'all out there in your own

2150
01:16:06,770 --> 01:16:07,270
relationships,

2151
01:16:07,810 --> 01:16:10,104
we're working so hard to make sure that

2152
01:16:10,104 --> 01:16:10,925
we're establishing

2153
01:16:11,304 --> 01:16:14,524
consent. We're maintaining consent. We're being as ethical

2154
01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:17,704
and risk aware as we can humanly possibly

2155
01:16:17,704 --> 01:16:20,344
be, and there will still be some part

2156
01:16:20,344 --> 01:16:23,350
of the world that that will infantilize us

2157
01:16:23,350 --> 01:16:25,270
so much that you can't possibly consent to

2158
01:16:25,270 --> 01:16:25,770
that.

2159
01:16:26,470 --> 01:16:26,970
And

2160
01:16:27,670 --> 01:16:30,070
that's a different conversation. Go watch Evie's video,

2161
01:16:30,070 --> 01:16:30,570
y'all.

2162
01:16:31,909 --> 01:16:34,329
I'm pretty sure she has said very intelligent

2163
01:16:34,390 --> 01:16:35,855
things about it. I will just sound like

2164
01:16:35,855 --> 01:16:38,255
a rambly train wreck. None of us need

2165
01:16:38,255 --> 01:16:40,275
more of that until next week at least.

2166
01:16:40,655 --> 01:16:42,655
So yeah. But yeah. This is a big

2167
01:16:42,655 --> 01:16:44,515
topic. So It is.

2168
01:16:45,055 --> 01:16:45,555
Anyway

2169
01:16:46,414 --> 01:16:46,895
Anyhooz.

2170
01:16:47,375 --> 01:16:48,750
I guess we should do a bonus section

2171
01:16:48,750 --> 01:16:51,090
now. Okay. So, are we good now?

2172
01:16:52,750 --> 01:16:54,750
Oh no. Give me another hour. I'll rant.

2173
01:16:54,750 --> 01:16:56,349
I'll keep going. I'll keep going. I'll get

2174
01:16:56,349 --> 01:16:58,189
my blood pressure up some other way. Alright.

2175
01:16:58,189 --> 01:17:00,210
That's fine. Time to be done then. Okay.

2176
01:17:00,349 --> 01:17:00,849
Okay.

2177
01:17:01,185 --> 01:17:01,685
You

2178
01:17:02,145 --> 01:17:03,204
ready? Sure.

2179
01:17:03,905 --> 01:17:07,024
Keep it kinky, y'all. I'll see you next

2180
01:17:07,024 --> 01:17:08,385
week. Do I try it again? Try that

2181
01:17:08,385 --> 01:17:10,704
again. Are you gonna edit it out? No.

2182
01:17:10,704 --> 01:17:11,685
Damn. Okay.

2183
01:17:12,305 --> 01:17:14,465
Keep it kinky, y'all. Oh, see you next

2184
01:17:14,465 --> 01:17:14,965
week.

2185
01:17:27,140 --> 01:17:29,335
Yeah. Can we talk to the crickets? Yes.

2186
01:17:29,795 --> 01:17:31,554
See, here's the thing. He was listening for

2187
01:17:31,554 --> 01:17:33,395
my intake of breath, and I was listening

2188
01:17:33,395 --> 01:17:35,715
for his intake of breath, and we weren't

2189
01:17:35,715 --> 01:17:37,975
breathing at the same rate. No. We weren't.

2190
01:17:38,594 --> 01:17:40,514
You're you're off on a tangent all your

2191
01:17:40,514 --> 01:17:43,239
own right now, kid. Look. I warned you.

2192
01:17:43,239 --> 01:17:45,020
I know. The brain is doing

2193
01:17:45,399 --> 01:17:45,979
I don't

2194
01:17:46,359 --> 01:17:48,460
know. I don't know. I know. I know.

2195
01:17:48,679 --> 01:17:50,520
I don't know. And maybe it was good.

2196
01:17:50,520 --> 01:17:52,840
So okay. Did I mention this at the

2197
01:17:52,840 --> 01:17:55,079
top of anything? I can't remember. So if

2198
01:17:55,079 --> 01:17:57,420
it's a repeat, just know I'm a repeater.

2199
01:17:59,704 --> 01:18:00,185
My

2200
01:18:00,664 --> 01:18:01,804
trying to speak

2201
01:18:02,264 --> 01:18:03,965
earlier was very difficult

2202
01:18:04,425 --> 01:18:05,944
because I was so I was trying so

2203
01:18:05,944 --> 01:18:07,784
hard to hold on to the thought before

2204
01:18:07,784 --> 01:18:09,244
it could, like, fly away.

2205
01:18:09,560 --> 01:18:11,079
That I wasn't taking a breath in the

2206
01:18:11,079 --> 01:18:12,140
middle of a rambly

2207
01:18:12,840 --> 01:18:14,300
thought that I was expressing.

2208
01:18:14,600 --> 01:18:16,279
And so I would get to multiple the

2209
01:18:16,279 --> 01:18:17,960
end of multiple thoughts and then could not

2210
01:18:17,960 --> 01:18:19,100
breathe and was gasping

2211
01:18:19,560 --> 01:18:21,640
breath. Mhmm. And I was very worried about

2212
01:18:21,640 --> 01:18:24,359
this episode because, 1, I care about doing

2213
01:18:24,359 --> 01:18:25,274
the series well,

2214
01:18:26,154 --> 01:18:28,475
and 2, I care about this topic and

2215
01:18:28,475 --> 01:18:29,614
trying to do it,

2216
01:18:29,994 --> 01:18:31,054
air quote, well.

2217
01:18:32,554 --> 01:18:34,074
So I got real nervous that I was

2218
01:18:34,074 --> 01:18:36,234
gonna just be gasping my way through the

2219
01:18:36,795 --> 01:18:38,335
I should have realized

2220
01:18:38,715 --> 01:18:39,215
that

2221
01:18:39,869 --> 01:18:41,810
I get gaspy when I rant,

2222
01:18:42,350 --> 01:18:44,529
and that's okay. That's part of the rant.

2223
01:18:44,590 --> 01:18:46,029
And that this I should have realized this

2224
01:18:46,029 --> 01:18:48,350
topic was gonna make me rant. Mhmm. Because

2225
01:18:48,350 --> 01:18:50,670
when it comes to consent, here's the thing.

2226
01:18:50,670 --> 01:18:52,574
When everybody's doing it to the best

2227
01:18:53,295 --> 01:18:54,414
of their ability and it's mostly working okay

2228
01:18:54,414 --> 01:18:56,574
for everybody, there's there's not much to talk

2229
01:18:56,574 --> 01:18:58,815
about. Yeah. You're doing consent well. Woo hoo.

2230
01:18:58,815 --> 01:19:01,055
Keep going. But man, when people fuck it

2231
01:19:01,055 --> 01:19:01,555
up,

2232
01:19:01,935 --> 01:19:04,114
there's a lot to rant about.

2233
01:19:04,895 --> 01:19:05,250
Just

2234
01:19:06,210 --> 01:19:07,430
saying. So, anyway,

2235
01:19:08,210 --> 01:19:09,430
bonus section time.

2236
01:19:10,050 --> 01:19:11,649
The 14 year old is now the 15

2237
01:19:11,649 --> 01:19:12,710
year old. Yeah.

2238
01:19:13,329 --> 01:19:15,970
And every time I tell somebody else, like,

2239
01:19:15,970 --> 01:19:18,015
I reminded his older brother, your your brother

2240
01:19:18,015 --> 01:19:19,534
is 15 now. He's like, no. The fuck

2241
01:19:19,534 --> 01:19:21,475
he's not. I'm like, yeah. Fuck yes.

2242
01:19:22,494 --> 01:19:24,175
Y'all all just keep growing up. I don't

2243
01:19:24,175 --> 01:19:25,314
know what that's about.

2244
01:19:26,255 --> 01:19:28,194
Or reminiscing with my mom about

2245
01:19:28,494 --> 01:19:30,175
when the 15 year old was, like, a

2246
01:19:30,175 --> 01:19:31,314
mere infant.

2247
01:19:31,774 --> 01:19:34,340
It's like, what the fuck? Where's time going?

2248
01:19:34,399 --> 01:19:36,319
Right. Now he's the tallest human in this

2249
01:19:36,319 --> 01:19:36,819
house.

2250
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:39,679
Which does come in handy for some things.

2251
01:19:39,679 --> 01:19:41,060
Does come in handy. Yep.

2252
01:19:43,679 --> 01:19:44,079
He,

2253
01:19:44,719 --> 01:19:46,659
I think he's in a mostly good place

2254
01:19:46,994 --> 01:19:48,994
mentally and physically now for the school year,

2255
01:19:48,994 --> 01:19:49,895
so that's nice.

2256
01:19:50,675 --> 01:19:52,755
He is waiting on part of his birthday

2257
01:19:52,755 --> 01:19:54,215
present. My poor mother.

2258
01:19:54,594 --> 01:19:56,135
She's okay. So

2259
01:19:56,994 --> 01:19:57,895
it's a

2260
01:19:58,755 --> 01:20:00,375
family tradition we laugh about.

2261
01:20:01,110 --> 01:20:03,189
No. My mother and I, we're going to

2262
01:20:03,189 --> 01:20:04,729
be late with birthdays,

2263
01:20:05,829 --> 01:20:08,710
presents for Christmas, whatever. Like, we we know

2264
01:20:08,710 --> 01:20:08,949
they

2265
01:20:09,510 --> 01:20:11,750
excuse me. We know they exist. We have

2266
01:20:11,750 --> 01:20:14,005
them written down in 80 places, but time

2267
01:20:14,005 --> 01:20:15,144
has no fucking meaning.

2268
01:20:16,005 --> 01:20:18,005
And the calendar gets away from us. So

2269
01:20:18,005 --> 01:20:18,484
she has

2270
01:20:19,045 --> 01:20:21,844
since she retired and, you know, the thing

2271
01:20:21,844 --> 01:20:25,465
that consumed most of her thought process, her

2272
01:20:25,604 --> 01:20:28,529
60 hour plus a week job is done,

2273
01:20:29,090 --> 01:20:31,010
she has made it a point to try

2274
01:20:31,010 --> 01:20:33,809
to be, if not early for gift giving

2275
01:20:33,809 --> 01:20:34,309
times,

2276
01:20:34,689 --> 01:20:35,510
on time.

2277
01:20:36,529 --> 01:20:38,770
So I sent her some info about what

2278
01:20:38,770 --> 01:20:41,170
the kid had asked for and would like

2279
01:20:41,170 --> 01:20:41,909
as gifts,

2280
01:20:43,164 --> 01:20:46,524
And she ordered one thing, like, a full

2281
01:20:46,524 --> 01:20:49,024
week and a half, 2 weeks before his

2282
01:20:49,164 --> 01:20:50,764
birthday. It didn't have to be custom made

2283
01:20:50,764 --> 01:20:52,364
or it was like buy it, ship it.

2284
01:20:52,364 --> 01:20:53,664
It's there in a few days.

2285
01:20:54,284 --> 01:20:56,604
It doesn't arrive. It doesn't arrive. She's like,

2286
01:20:56,604 --> 01:20:58,064
you sure? I'm like, I'm positive.

2287
01:20:58,439 --> 01:20:59,960
I go check with JB. I'm like, you

2288
01:20:59,960 --> 01:21:01,800
didn't hide a thing in a closet waiting

2289
01:21:01,800 --> 01:21:03,020
to read her out, but nope.

2290
01:21:04,279 --> 01:21:07,000
So she goes and checks her tracking. She's

2291
01:21:07,000 --> 01:21:07,500
like,

2292
01:21:08,039 --> 01:21:09,800
it shows that it should have been there

2293
01:21:09,800 --> 01:21:11,560
on the 3rd or that it was there

2294
01:21:11,560 --> 01:21:13,319
on 3rd. And I'm like, no. We did

2295
01:21:13,319 --> 01:21:15,314
not get anything on the fucking 3rd.

2296
01:21:15,694 --> 01:21:17,694
So then she starts sending me the actual

2297
01:21:17,694 --> 01:21:20,095
tracking information, and I look. It got returned

2298
01:21:20,095 --> 01:21:20,914
to sender

2299
01:21:21,454 --> 01:21:23,314
and received by said sender

2300
01:21:24,015 --> 01:21:24,755
on 9th.

2301
01:21:26,015 --> 01:21:27,774
And we're like, what the hell happened? I

2302
01:21:27,774 --> 01:21:30,659
was like, we've been getting mail misdelivered to

2303
01:21:30,659 --> 01:21:31,960
us. That's not

2304
01:21:32,579 --> 01:21:33,319
our package.

2305
01:21:34,020 --> 01:21:36,260
We've had some replacement mail carriers. Our our

2306
01:21:36,260 --> 01:21:37,939
person was has been back the past couple

2307
01:21:37,939 --> 01:21:39,079
of days. Thank god.

2308
01:21:39,779 --> 01:21:42,260
And so, like, JB's had to drive down

2309
01:21:42,260 --> 01:21:43,319
somebody's, like,

2310
01:21:43,654 --> 01:21:44,475
food order

2311
01:21:44,935 --> 01:21:46,875
down the street. Yeah. Our neighbor's,

2312
01:21:47,574 --> 01:21:49,414
medication came in the mail. It was in

2313
01:21:49,414 --> 01:21:51,175
our mailbox. We're like, let's get back to

2314
01:21:51,175 --> 01:21:52,074
her really quickly.

2315
01:21:52,854 --> 01:21:54,215
So I was like, did somebody get our

2316
01:21:54,215 --> 01:21:55,814
mail? And instead of just driving it up

2317
01:21:55,814 --> 01:21:58,020
the fucking block to us, they just returned

2318
01:21:58,020 --> 01:21:59,479
to sender. Maybe.

2319
01:22:00,020 --> 01:22:01,319
Then late,

2320
01:22:01,939 --> 01:22:04,359
not last night, night before last, sometime.

2321
01:22:05,140 --> 01:22:07,699
I look she sends me the the the

2322
01:22:07,699 --> 01:22:09,720
email she's got with, like, the full information.

2323
01:22:10,180 --> 01:22:12,045
And I finally look, and I'm like, fuck.

2324
01:22:12,045 --> 01:22:13,425
Our ZIP code's wrong.

2325
01:22:14,445 --> 01:22:16,364
She'd been filling out the information. And my

2326
01:22:16,364 --> 01:22:17,805
aunt and uncle also live in the same

2327
01:22:17,805 --> 01:22:18,845
town we live in, but we have 2

2328
01:22:18,845 --> 01:22:20,704
different ZIP codes. Her autofill

2329
01:22:21,324 --> 01:22:23,664
on the full put in our ZIP code.

2330
01:22:24,880 --> 01:22:26,960
And so I'm sure the post office is

2331
01:22:26,960 --> 01:22:29,199
who returned it to this. So then she's

2332
01:22:29,199 --> 01:22:32,420
emailing this customer support and cc ing me.

2333
01:22:33,760 --> 01:22:34,500
She's like,

2334
01:22:34,960 --> 01:22:36,800
this is a birthday present for my grandson,

2335
01:22:36,800 --> 01:22:38,095
and and I just wanna give it to

2336
01:22:38,095 --> 01:22:39,295
him and whatever we have to do. I'll

2337
01:22:39,295 --> 01:22:40,975
pay whatever. And I'm like, you are not

2338
01:22:40,975 --> 01:22:41,795
a good negotiator.

2339
01:22:43,854 --> 01:22:45,454
So now they've said it can take up

2340
01:22:45,454 --> 01:22:47,954
to 2 weeks to reprocess and resend out,

2341
01:22:48,255 --> 01:22:50,255
and she's and she just keeps apologizing. It's

2342
01:22:50,255 --> 01:22:50,814
fine. You

2343
01:22:51,530 --> 01:22:53,530
it happens. It's no big deal. Well, now

2344
01:22:53,530 --> 01:22:54,970
the 15 year old's like, well, will you

2345
01:22:54,970 --> 01:22:56,970
at least tell me what my present is?

2346
01:22:56,970 --> 01:22:58,650
I'm like, nope. Nope. No. It's gotta be

2347
01:22:58,650 --> 01:22:59,310
a surprise.

2348
01:22:59,610 --> 01:23:01,449
It looks like his birthday card from his

2349
01:23:01,449 --> 01:23:03,050
grandmother might also have been lost in the

2350
01:23:03,050 --> 01:23:04,510
mail. She sent that

2351
01:23:05,255 --> 01:23:05,755
last

2352
01:23:06,215 --> 01:23:07,914
Tuesday or Wednesday. Oh, gosh.

2353
01:23:08,694 --> 01:23:10,215
She's only a couple states over. It does

2354
01:23:10,215 --> 01:23:12,215
not take a week for an envelope to

2355
01:23:12,215 --> 01:23:13,675
get to us. No. No. No.

2356
01:23:14,375 --> 01:23:16,215
So, yeah, I was like, thank god we

2357
01:23:16,215 --> 01:23:18,679
managed to. Did we wrap his birthday present?

2358
01:23:18,679 --> 01:23:20,859
No. No. The box was like Massive.

2359
01:23:21,159 --> 01:23:23,319
Half as big as JB. Like, it it's

2360
01:23:23,319 --> 01:23:23,819
huge.

2361
01:23:24,359 --> 01:23:26,679
It came up to your waist. It Yeah.

2362
01:23:26,920 --> 01:23:28,920
It was huge. 2 of us carried in

2363
01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:31,534
are like, we love you. Happy birthday. We

2364
01:23:31,534 --> 01:23:33,534
were not rapping this thing. He got a

2365
01:23:33,534 --> 01:23:36,414
gaming chair. He's very excited. I sat in

2366
01:23:36,414 --> 01:23:38,034
that thing today. Did you?

2367
01:23:38,494 --> 01:23:39,715
A chair with support?

2368
01:23:40,095 --> 01:23:42,735
What? I don't even remember what that's like.

2369
01:23:42,735 --> 01:23:44,579
I have to try it. I may have

2370
01:23:44,579 --> 01:23:46,859
to try it at some point. Yeah. The

2371
01:23:46,859 --> 01:23:48,939
youngest has spent most of his life getting

2372
01:23:48,939 --> 01:23:49,840
hand me downs,

2373
01:23:50,539 --> 01:23:51,920
mostly from his brother.

2374
01:23:52,539 --> 01:23:55,340
And his brother has spent up until, like,

2375
01:23:55,340 --> 01:23:57,685
probably high school years getting hand me downs

2376
01:23:57,685 --> 01:23:58,265
from us.

2377
01:23:58,725 --> 01:24:00,725
So what would happen, and the the reason

2378
01:24:00,725 --> 01:24:02,905
he got a gaming chair for his birthday,

2379
01:24:03,284 --> 01:24:05,845
was the, like, office desk chair that he

2380
01:24:05,845 --> 01:24:08,104
had been using in his bedroom

2381
01:24:08,485 --> 01:24:10,500
was your old chair. It was my old

2382
01:24:10,500 --> 01:24:12,260
chair that had been handed down to the

2383
01:24:12,260 --> 01:24:14,279
oldest. And then when the oldest

2384
01:24:14,659 --> 01:24:16,739
went on to call it, then it got

2385
01:24:16,739 --> 01:24:18,979
passed down to the And I think youngest.

2386
01:24:19,060 --> 01:24:21,139
We've had that chair for at least as

2387
01:24:21,139 --> 01:24:23,095
long as we've lived together. Maybe long yeah.

2388
01:24:23,095 --> 01:24:25,095
Maybe long. So at least a decade. Mhmm.

2389
01:24:25,255 --> 01:24:27,255
So he finally he finally got his own

2390
01:24:27,255 --> 01:24:27,755
chair

2391
01:24:28,614 --> 01:24:30,695
that never had anybody's butt in it but

2392
01:24:30,695 --> 01:24:32,295
his Right. Till I sat down in it.

2393
01:24:32,295 --> 01:24:33,675
That's fine. Yeah.

2394
01:24:35,414 --> 01:24:37,590
So, yeah, it was it was funny.

2395
01:24:38,229 --> 01:24:38,729
But,

2396
01:24:39,510 --> 01:24:42,069
yeah. So he's it we keep things low

2397
01:24:42,069 --> 01:24:42,969
key. He is

2398
01:24:43,270 --> 01:24:43,770
that

2399
01:24:44,469 --> 01:24:46,550
kid after my own heart. You're not singing

2400
01:24:46,550 --> 01:24:48,949
happy birthday to him. He's like, I will

2401
01:24:48,949 --> 01:24:51,154
leave this space, and we will forget that

2402
01:24:51,154 --> 01:24:52,994
it's my birthday to that singer. To tell

2403
01:24:52,994 --> 01:24:54,354
him, okay. You don't wanna sing. What about

2404
01:24:54,354 --> 01:24:56,114
the spoken word? I know. And I did

2405
01:24:56,114 --> 01:24:57,635
ask him. I'm like, can I say the

2406
01:24:57,635 --> 01:24:59,234
happy birthday song to you? Because I don't

2407
01:24:59,234 --> 01:25:01,394
like to birthday to you. Right. He's gonna

2408
01:25:01,394 --> 01:25:02,215
do a dramatic

2409
01:25:02,675 --> 01:25:03,175
telling.

2410
01:25:03,554 --> 01:25:05,609
I'm like, I'll just say the words.

2411
01:25:06,010 --> 01:25:07,609
Because the thing is I don't like being

2412
01:25:07,609 --> 01:25:09,069
sung to either. Like,

2413
01:25:09,609 --> 01:25:11,609
I want to scream. It's almost

2414
01:25:12,090 --> 01:25:12,590
maybe

2415
01:25:13,050 --> 01:25:15,449
as bad, worse than, it depends on the

2416
01:25:15,449 --> 01:25:17,850
day, as hearing the sound of chewing. Like,

2417
01:25:17,850 --> 01:25:19,784
it's right up there with, like, a just

2418
01:25:19,864 --> 01:25:21,324
a nightmare to my ears.

2419
01:25:21,704 --> 01:25:23,645
So I get it, and I respect it.

2420
01:25:24,425 --> 01:25:25,164
It's like,

2421
01:25:25,545 --> 01:25:27,945
this this is a birthday? Okay. It's his

2422
01:25:27,945 --> 01:25:29,704
birthday, and he's happy, and that's all that

2423
01:25:29,704 --> 01:25:30,204
matters.

2424
01:25:31,385 --> 01:25:34,359
But yeah. So now he's fucking 15. Jesus

2425
01:25:34,420 --> 01:25:35,960
Christ. He's 15. Yeah.

2426
01:25:38,340 --> 01:25:41,220
Oh, we got this gaming chair on sale

2427
01:25:41,220 --> 01:25:42,119
from Staples.

2428
01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:44,420
Yeah. The sale, I think, runs through the

2429
01:25:44,420 --> 01:25:46,180
month of September if anybody's looking for a

2430
01:25:46,180 --> 01:25:47,320
chair. It was a $130.

2431
01:25:48,315 --> 01:25:48,975
We technically could have

2432
01:25:49,275 --> 01:25:50,954
found it online cheaper, but then they all

2433
01:25:50,954 --> 01:25:52,795
the places that were cheaper the shipping. The

2434
01:25:52,795 --> 01:25:54,395
shipping made it more expensive. I was like,

2435
01:25:54,395 --> 01:25:56,475
we'll just go to Staples. Yeah. It's fine.

2436
01:25:56,475 --> 01:25:56,975
Mhmm.

2437
01:25:57,914 --> 01:25:59,914
I think it was like regular, almost 200.

2438
01:25:59,914 --> 01:26:01,515
I think so. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe I

2439
01:26:01,515 --> 01:26:02,789
was looking for one time line.

2440
01:26:05,109 --> 01:26:06,789
But yeah. So we we did the birthday

2441
01:26:06,789 --> 01:26:07,689
thing. Mhmm.

2442
01:26:09,670 --> 01:26:10,489
Been working.

2443
01:26:11,189 --> 01:26:12,550
I did take half a day off. It

2444
01:26:12,550 --> 01:26:13,289
was like

2445
01:26:14,470 --> 01:26:14,970
every

2446
01:26:15,715 --> 01:26:17,875
thought I had was, like, thinking through mud,

2447
01:26:17,875 --> 01:26:19,555
and I was like, let me just do

2448
01:26:19,555 --> 01:26:20,854
the things I have to do.

2449
01:26:21,555 --> 01:26:23,475
Yeah. Let's take advantage of the fact that

2450
01:26:23,475 --> 01:26:25,635
we work for ourselves. Let's let's just do

2451
01:26:25,635 --> 01:26:28,380
that for once without the guilt of, should

2452
01:26:28,460 --> 01:26:31,260
I always be producing every moment of every

2453
01:26:31,260 --> 01:26:31,760
day?

2454
01:26:32,380 --> 01:26:34,159
One day I'll go to therapy for that.

2455
01:26:35,659 --> 01:26:36,399
What else?

2456
01:26:39,500 --> 01:26:40,000
It's

2457
01:26:41,420 --> 01:26:42,880
kind of been it. Yeah.

2458
01:26:50,055 --> 01:26:51,015
Yeah. So,

2459
01:26:51,494 --> 01:26:53,574
Master Frostbite and live chats. Like, we have

2460
01:26:53,574 --> 01:26:55,735
a restaurant here called Montana's. They will put

2461
01:26:55,735 --> 01:26:57,494
moose antlers on your head and sing happy

2462
01:26:57,494 --> 01:26:57,899
birthday.

2463
01:26:58,460 --> 01:27:00,460
In our family, if we happen to actually

2464
01:27:00,460 --> 01:27:01,600
go out to eat

2465
01:27:02,140 --> 01:27:03,119
on our birthdays,

2466
01:27:03,739 --> 01:27:08,079
we threaten each other with physical harm if

2467
01:27:08,219 --> 01:27:09,819
somebody's like, this is such and such as

2468
01:27:09,819 --> 01:27:11,819
birthday. Like, you're not putting a sombrero on

2469
01:27:11,819 --> 01:27:13,614
my head at the Mexican restaurant. I was

2470
01:27:13,614 --> 01:27:15,614
gonna say, yeah. There there's the one Mexican

2471
01:27:15,614 --> 01:27:17,695
restaurant here by us. They have the, birthday

2472
01:27:17,695 --> 01:27:19,715
sombrero. And then I

2473
01:27:20,494 --> 01:27:22,494
don't need to be perceived that much. I

2474
01:27:22,494 --> 01:27:24,975
don't want strangers to sing at me. Mhmm.

2475
01:27:24,975 --> 01:27:26,670
I don't I don't wanna be in that.

2476
01:27:26,670 --> 01:27:29,810
I just I that sounds like a nightmare.

2477
01:27:31,949 --> 01:27:34,529
No. No. And there have been times JB

2478
01:27:35,069 --> 01:27:36,429
would tease and go, I'll tell him it's

2479
01:27:36,429 --> 01:27:38,189
your birthday. I'm like, I will pull my

2480
01:27:38,189 --> 01:27:40,369
driver's license out and prove you a liar.

2481
01:27:40,590 --> 01:27:41,810
Don't mess with me.

2482
01:27:43,305 --> 01:27:44,364
Red. Okay.

2483
01:27:44,664 --> 01:27:46,765
I do not fucking consent to that.

2484
01:27:47,385 --> 01:27:49,625
Oh my god. Like, I woman. Get a

2485
01:27:49,625 --> 01:27:52,604
little sweaty just even thinking about it. No.

2486
01:27:52,744 --> 01:27:54,364
No. There were

2487
01:27:56,179 --> 01:27:56,619
when,

2488
01:27:57,060 --> 01:27:58,659
I lived up in the Panhandle. There was

2489
01:27:58,659 --> 01:28:00,520
a restaurant. It was locally owned restaurant.

2490
01:28:00,899 --> 01:28:02,579
It was one of those that, like, in

2491
01:28:02,579 --> 01:28:04,899
the eighties nineties, they've been, like, the best

2492
01:28:04,899 --> 01:28:06,039
place in town. And

2493
01:28:06,500 --> 01:28:08,600
by the early odds, it it kinda

2494
01:28:09,380 --> 01:28:10,679
was looking its age.

2495
01:28:11,164 --> 01:28:13,725
But, you know, still a respected place in

2496
01:28:13,725 --> 01:28:15,744
town. We would go for, like, corporate stuff.

2497
01:28:15,965 --> 01:28:17,565
And if they knew it was your birthday,

2498
01:28:17,565 --> 01:28:18,925
they like to do what a lot of

2499
01:28:18,925 --> 01:28:20,065
restaurants do is

2500
01:28:20,445 --> 01:28:22,045
come out in a big old long train

2501
01:28:22,045 --> 01:28:24,079
of servers, clapping their hands and

2502
01:28:24,539 --> 01:28:25,039
singing.

2503
01:28:25,500 --> 01:28:27,020
I was like, but they would always end

2504
01:28:27,020 --> 01:28:29,979
the happy birthday song with and many more

2505
01:28:29,979 --> 01:28:31,899
at Coachin' 4. That's the name of the

2506
01:28:31,899 --> 01:28:33,439
restaurant, it's Coachin' 4.

2507
01:28:33,739 --> 01:28:36,619
And so we did enough things with that

2508
01:28:36,619 --> 01:28:37,119
restaurant

2509
01:28:38,005 --> 01:28:40,244
that I heard that little tail end of

2510
01:28:40,244 --> 01:28:43,125
the song often enough that for literal years,

2511
01:28:43,125 --> 01:28:44,405
if I was part of a group that

2512
01:28:44,405 --> 01:28:46,244
was singing happy birthday, of which I hate

2513
01:28:46,244 --> 01:28:48,405
to be singing happy birthday, but sometimes You

2514
01:28:48,405 --> 01:28:50,565
you automatically added that And people will be

2515
01:28:50,565 --> 01:28:52,005
looking at me like, what the fuck are

2516
01:28:52,005 --> 01:28:53,690
you talking? I'm like, look. They had great

2517
01:28:54,390 --> 01:28:56,810
steak. They were overly enthusiastic about your birthday.

2518
01:29:02,470 --> 01:29:03,989
Yeah. No. I,

2519
01:29:04,484 --> 01:29:06,005
I look back at a time in my

2520
01:29:06,005 --> 01:29:06,505
life.

2521
01:29:07,125 --> 01:29:08,904
I'm like, yeah. I did used to participate

2522
01:29:09,125 --> 01:29:10,664
in group singing, and

2523
01:29:11,125 --> 01:29:13,364
you could sing happy birthday to me. And

2524
01:29:13,364 --> 01:29:15,364
I hated it, but I would smile real

2525
01:29:15,364 --> 01:29:16,804
big. And now I'm I'm at a point

2526
01:29:16,804 --> 01:29:18,000
in my life. I'm like, I'm not faking

2527
01:29:18,000 --> 01:29:19,949
it. I fucking hate that shit. Don't do

2528
01:29:19,949 --> 01:29:20,449
it.

2529
01:29:21,150 --> 01:29:23,250
I don't care how happy it makes

2530
01:29:23,630 --> 01:29:24,130
you.

2531
01:29:28,909 --> 01:29:29,409
Alright.

2532
01:29:30,190 --> 01:29:31,489
Anyway Yep.

2533
01:29:32,814 --> 01:29:33,314
Yeah.

2534
01:29:33,694 --> 01:29:35,875
So that was that, and this is awesome.

2535
01:29:36,014 --> 01:29:39,295
Yeah. And here we are. Lola is fully

2536
01:29:39,295 --> 01:29:40,274
on her back.

2537
01:29:41,054 --> 01:29:43,215
Her jowls are hanging in such a way

2538
01:29:43,215 --> 01:29:43,934
because gravity

2539
01:29:44,335 --> 01:29:45,534
Legs are up in the air. That you

2540
01:29:45,534 --> 01:29:47,314
can see all her little teethies.

2541
01:29:48,899 --> 01:29:51,859
She is a goofball and precious. Very comfortable.

2542
01:29:51,859 --> 01:29:53,300
And I think she's staring at us like,

2543
01:29:53,300 --> 01:29:55,239
do you see me? Do you see me?

2544
01:29:56,899 --> 01:29:58,359
Oh my gosh. Okay.

2545
01:29:58,659 --> 01:29:59,159
Alright.

2546
01:30:00,435 --> 01:30:02,994
We, we can go and do our thing.

2547
01:30:02,994 --> 01:30:03,494
And,

2548
01:30:04,114 --> 01:30:06,435
hopefully, me yelling at some folks, you know,

2549
01:30:06,435 --> 01:30:08,435
has been helpful. And if not helpful, at

2550
01:30:08,435 --> 01:30:09,255
least entertaining.

2551
01:30:10,914 --> 01:30:12,755
And we'll be back next week. Mhmm. Do

2552
01:30:12,755 --> 01:30:14,550
it again. Yep. Okay.

2553
01:30:15,489 --> 01:30:16,230
Okay. Bye.