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You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode 4

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10. That's 410, y'all. Dang. Kayla Lords here

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with the 1, the only, the light of

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my life, the creamed my coffee, John Brownstone.

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Wow. And you know how much I love

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me some cream in my coffee. Yeah. You

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do.

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Would you like a little coffee with that

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cream? I don't want my coffee to taste

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like coffee. I want it to taste like

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cream and and whatever flavor syrup I'm using

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this day. Yeah. That's what that's what I

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want.

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That's not what we're

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here to talk about. Although, I'm happy to,

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talk about the Walmart brand,

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creamer that I just got to open today

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and how delightful it was. But we can

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talk about that later. This week, we're actually

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starting a series for the month of September.

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At least we've never done a series like

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this, I think.

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We're calling it back to basics, but we're

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actually having conversations that I don't think we've

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had in quite this way before,

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because we tend to talk about bits and

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pieces, and this is, I think, a more

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holistic

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conversation. Okay. And we're starting with

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starting your d s relationship, starting your power

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exchange. You're like, this is a person I

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want to be in this power exchange with.

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What next? That's what this conversation is. Gotta

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start somewhere. Gotta start and the beginning is

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usually a very good place to start, I've

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heard.

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Welcome to the Living BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. You're back for another week, welcome back.

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Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for

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your kinky pleasure and education, and show notes

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are found at loving BDSM dot net. Come

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back often and feel free to add the

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podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can

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also follow the show on FetLife at loving

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BDSM

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PC. The PC stands for podcast, y'all.

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That on Instagram and threads at that handle,

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I will forever fucking hate. Oh my god.

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I wanna spit

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nails.

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Loving d s and the number 1. So

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that's at loving d s one on Instagram

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and technically threads,

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or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm,

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where you can watch us live stream the

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podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

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show notes. A big thanks as always to

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our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our

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newest peeps. We are able to be weirdos

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on the Internet because of our Patreon community,

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and we are grateful for every fucking one

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of you. Oh my god. If you would

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like to join our kinky community and get

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access to extra content, even when we're a

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little late in posting it, and a Discord

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server

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Okay. With a bunch of super chill kingsters,

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you can do that. Just join us at

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patreon.com/kayla

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lords. That's patreon.com/kayla

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lords, or use the link in the show

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notes.

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Okay.

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I don't really have any announcements for this

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week. Okay. The kinkery exists, the kinkery.com,

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the loving BDS on Etsy shop exists. I'm

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not gonna say that URL, but we're there.

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Yeah.

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So ta

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da. We are always sponsoring we because

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we decided we wanted to sell things, and

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so

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shops exist for that. We'd like to keep

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the lights on. We do like to keep

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the lights on. Links in the places. Okay.

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That's that's

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the announcement,

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I guess. Let me double check myself. Yeah,

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no.

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I've got no announcements.

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So

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we are trying something new for the month

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of September.

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Will it go longer than that? I don't

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know.

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We're doing I think it's our first ever,

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like, series of topics in in the big

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episode. Like, we've done many episodes before that

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was kind of a series. Got our question

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q and a,

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episodes each week that we can kinda call

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that a series if you wanted.

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But this is meant to be a topic

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based

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series that a stupid walk from my stupid

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mental health helped me come up with. That

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I'm I'm doing that happen. I know. Come

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back to basics.

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It's

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in some of them that we have we

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we actually have plans. Okay? We're actually talking

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about before we come to do an episode,

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what we wanna talk about. I know Before

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the mics get put in front of our

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face. It's crazy talk. I don't know what's

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happening either.

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But Kinda like we used to do. Oh,

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shh.

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Don't let anybody know how far we've fallen.

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This week's topic is

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starting a power exchange. There will be other

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topics. Some of that is gonna overlap with

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things we've talked about in the previous 409

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episodes.

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So some of this might be a repeat.

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Some of y'all do not need the basics,

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and that's okay. We hope you're here for

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the entertainment. But sometimes you may pick up

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a gem from

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Bay, you know. Because we've been talking about

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this stuff since literally 2015,

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we might say something different in the year

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of our Lord 2024 that we have not

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said previously.

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For this episode, it overlaps a ton of

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things we've talked about in past. There are

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links to past episodes slash YouTube videos for

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all of that if you wanna do a

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deep dive.

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Starting a power exchange relationship is such a

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massive topic.

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We are gonna keep it a little high

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level. Mhmm. That's what all those links will

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be for if you wanna, like, get into,

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like, the

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the the deep, dark details of every little

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thought we might have. We meaning me, because

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y'all know how I am. How deep do

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you wanna dig?

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Oh, now that just sounds sexy. I don't

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know if this is the time of your

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place for you to be asking me that

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question.

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We also actually have notes that we're actually

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going to try to follow. We'll see how

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this goes. We're gonna try and be grown

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ups here.

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Okay. So

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starting a power exchange.

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This is

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after or at the same time of,

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am I kinky? What does that mean?

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Maybe you're kinda past that, or this is

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a simultaneous thing that you're figuring out.

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Let's start at the top

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because there's two sides to this.

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You're starting a power exchange with a new

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partner or a newish partner that you've never

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really been in a relationship

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with before. That's one way to start a

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power exchange.

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And then there is the, oh, we've been

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vanilla the whole time we've known each other.

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For some of y'all, that's literal decades.

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1 or both of us has figured out

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we're kinky,

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and we wanna switch things together. Yeah.

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So let's which which one of those do

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you wanna start with, daddy?

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Because it is a little bit of 2

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separate conversations about how you actually start the

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relationship.

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Because one has preexisting history that you have

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to work through, and one is you've met

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a person and you're like, yeah, you seem

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like a good one.

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We're gonna start the way you got her

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written. Let's go with the new partner. Okay.

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So

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I'll take new partner for 500, Alex. No.

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No. Nope. No.

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No.

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I'm not clever enough or quick enough,

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off the cuff to do a Jeopardy thing.

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So sorry. So let's talk about new partners.

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You've met a person. Let's start with the

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question we get all the time. Where where

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do I meet potential partners?

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You know, you

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can meet them anywhere. Wherever people are. I

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promise you kinky people are existing. You know,

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you

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munches, workshops.

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Fat life. Fat life. Dating apps.

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Dungeons, parties, you know, we're everywhere.

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I this will not

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we are everywhere.

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The non kinky should probably be a little

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nervous. It's fine though.

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I am a big fan of

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kind of trying to figure out your kinky

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self before you worry about going and finding

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a partner. Assuming you're single when you're go,

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hey, wait. I think I'm kinky. Mhmm.

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It

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this is not universally true,

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but a lot of

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new submissives, like,

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figured out they were submissive yesterday. Today, they're

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looking for their dream dom.

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Man, it's real easy to get into some

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trouble with that. And so to maybe not

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be as discerning

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about people as you will be in the

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future when you've kinda gone, well, what does

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this even mean to me? Mhmm. What do

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I think I'm into? What have I learned

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about BDSM as a whole?

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You know, it's not like it's a requirement.

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I would just say it's a good idea.

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So then you've got

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established kinky people who are like, I'm kinky.

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I've been in my community

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for literal years.

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Hey. When y'all ask, how do I meet

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people? I'm like, well,

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where are you going, and who are you

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going with? Because the same answer still applies.

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If you prefer to be online, there's FetLife.

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Yes. It's a cesspool. I know. Just just

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use the block and delete buttons liberally. Yeah.

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That is true on all social media. Well,

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I'm glad.

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There's there are dating apps. They're,

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you know, in person community stuff. Now

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what I know my opinion.

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What is and this is a personal choice.

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What's your stance on

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for folks who maybe are they know they're

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kinky, they know they want power exchange, but

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they are on the

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typically non kink, like, dating apps. Because the

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question

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oftentimes comes up, do I tell somebody I'm

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kinky before

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I, you know, like, do I put that

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on my profile? Or do I wait until

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I've met somebody I like and introduce them

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to the top? There there there was a

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time I would have said,

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you know, on a non kinky

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dating site, don't say a word. Mhmm.

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Okay? Now,

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I am at a point in my life,

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like, no, I wanna cut to the chase.

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Yeah. Let us weed out the people who

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cannot handle this information. I I I you

269
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:11,475
know, yeah. You know, one, the people who

270
00:10:11,475 --> 00:10:11,975
don't

271
00:10:13,555 --> 00:10:14,995
want it, you know, they're like, okay, and

272
00:10:14,995 --> 00:10:16,215
they they keep going.

273
00:10:16,595 --> 00:10:17,095
And,

274
00:10:20,379 --> 00:10:22,299
you know, it it it it's a matter

275
00:10:22,299 --> 00:10:25,200
of I yeah. I I don't want to

276
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,259
thresh the wheat, so to speak. I do

277
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:29,100
not want to waste my time. Yeah. You

278
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:29,600
know,

279
00:10:31,154 --> 00:10:32,995
just just get down to business, get down,

280
00:10:32,995 --> 00:10:34,995
you know. It may sound a little impersonal

281
00:10:34,995 --> 00:10:36,695
in a way, but, you know,

282
00:10:37,154 --> 00:10:38,774
the the dating sites

283
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,855
I have not used a dating site.

284
00:10:43,315 --> 00:10:43,815
Alright?

285
00:10:45,389 --> 00:10:46,930
I I have heard people

286
00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:48,850
talk about it,

287
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:49,809
both personally

288
00:10:50,269 --> 00:10:51,809
and and social media,

289
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,430
about how it it's it's a cesspool to

290
00:10:54,430 --> 00:10:54,930
navigate.

291
00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:58,210
So, you know, I I would say,

292
00:10:59,134 --> 00:11:00,434
you know, yeah, be upfront.

293
00:11:01,054 --> 00:11:03,695
Yeah. I think the the time to to

294
00:11:03,695 --> 00:11:06,595
maybe question is this the right move is

295
00:11:06,654 --> 00:11:08,134
if you're on a dating app and you

296
00:11:08,254 --> 00:11:10,654
it's specific to local people and you happen

297
00:11:10,654 --> 00:11:13,240
to have a career that if somebody found

298
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,720
out, you would lose said career. You're gonna

299
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,320
have to think about your privacy in that

300
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,720
situation in a way that other other people

301
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:20,379
will not.

302
00:11:20,759 --> 00:11:23,259
Teachers will know that, feeling.

303
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:25,580
Anybody in, like, an official city,

304
00:11:26,045 --> 00:11:26,945
you know, county

305
00:11:27,325 --> 00:11:29,985
state government position might have to Mhmm.

306
00:11:30,605 --> 00:11:33,404
So in those situations, you've gotta think about

307
00:11:33,404 --> 00:11:36,285
it differently than the average person. There there

308
00:11:36,285 --> 00:11:38,625
there may be always little, you know, caveats

309
00:11:38,684 --> 00:11:40,524
like that. Yes. You know, some people do

310
00:11:40,524 --> 00:11:43,009
have jobs and, you know, things that you

311
00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:45,730
boss might see or a parent of a

312
00:11:45,730 --> 00:11:47,590
student you teach might see

313
00:11:48,049 --> 00:11:49,910
you on that app, and you've got, like,

314
00:11:50,370 --> 00:11:52,769
I am a bratty submissive who just wants

315
00:11:52,769 --> 00:11:55,445
to be called good boy or whatever. Like

316
00:11:55,684 --> 00:11:56,184
Yep.

317
00:11:57,044 --> 00:11:58,725
That might not Yeah. Right. You do have

318
00:11:58,725 --> 00:12:00,184
to think about that. You know,

319
00:12:01,365 --> 00:12:02,504
a lot more people

320
00:12:03,044 --> 00:12:03,785
are out

321
00:12:04,804 --> 00:12:07,605
today Yes. Than than used to be. Yes.

322
00:12:07,605 --> 00:12:08,345
For sure.

323
00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:11,309
You know, but that that is a a

324
00:12:11,309 --> 00:12:12,690
choice that they make,

325
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:14,690
and,

326
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:17,550
you know, it's it it is not always

327
00:12:17,550 --> 00:12:20,830
the right choice for everybody. Mhmm. Okay? But

328
00:12:20,830 --> 00:12:23,070
if you possibly can, yes, you know, be

329
00:12:23,070 --> 00:12:23,809
be upfront

330
00:12:24,269 --> 00:12:26,004
on the dating apps. So let's say you've

331
00:12:26,004 --> 00:12:28,644
gotten through the dreck that is trying to

332
00:12:28,644 --> 00:12:30,585
meet somebody new who is compatible

333
00:12:30,965 --> 00:12:32,664
to your side of the slash. Right?

334
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,585
Okay. You've you're

335
00:12:35,125 --> 00:12:37,544
you've met. You've talked online, however you've met.

336
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,539
Before you got here's here's our, I think,

337
00:12:41,539 --> 00:12:42,839
our mutual take.

338
00:12:43,139 --> 00:12:45,959
There's a step from it's not I met

339
00:12:46,419 --> 00:12:46,919
Adam

340
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,419
today, and tomorrow, we're going to negotiate a

341
00:12:50,419 --> 00:12:52,820
bar exchange. Please don't. Please don't. I'm begging

342
00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:53,320
you.

343
00:12:54,085 --> 00:12:54,585
Maybe

344
00:12:55,044 --> 00:12:57,845
maybe one out of every, like, 10,000,000 people

345
00:12:57,845 --> 00:13:00,245
that works for. But in general, it's not

346
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:00,904
no.

347
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:01,865
So,

348
00:13:03,284 --> 00:13:06,245
what we typically say is before you get

349
00:13:06,245 --> 00:13:08,589
to the point of power exchange, we're gonna

350
00:13:08,589 --> 00:13:11,339
negotiate, you're the dom, I'm the sub, please

351
00:13:11,339 --> 00:13:14,089
be like them as a human being and

352
00:13:14,089 --> 00:13:16,839
and be friends first. We are this is

353
00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:19,590
a I can say this for both of

354
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:22,034
us. We are huge believers in friendship first.

355
00:13:22,274 --> 00:13:22,774
Yeah.

356
00:13:23,154 --> 00:13:25,074
It can be a little bit different if

357
00:13:25,074 --> 00:13:26,134
we're talking casual,

358
00:13:27,235 --> 00:13:30,054
pickup kind of play. It's not doesn't necessarily

359
00:13:30,194 --> 00:13:31,714
have to be that way. But this is

360
00:13:31,714 --> 00:13:34,434
true if it's romantic, sexual, platonic. It does

361
00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:36,134
not matter. Friends first. Because

362
00:13:36,769 --> 00:13:38,790
when real life lifes at you,

363
00:13:39,330 --> 00:13:42,049
do you actually like this person as a

364
00:13:42,049 --> 00:13:44,610
human being and not just for the role

365
00:13:44,610 --> 00:13:46,950
they're playing in your relationship? Yep.

366
00:13:49,274 --> 00:13:50,095
Lola agrees.

367
00:13:51,995 --> 00:13:54,174
So what that means, if you're

368
00:13:54,714 --> 00:13:56,315
meeting a new person and you're like, I

369
00:13:56,315 --> 00:13:58,075
think I want them to be the dom

370
00:13:58,075 --> 00:13:59,914
to my sub, the sub to my dom,

371
00:13:59,914 --> 00:14:01,855
the switch to my switch, like, whatever,

372
00:14:02,235 --> 00:14:04,559
is that you're hanging out and you're talking

373
00:14:04,639 --> 00:14:06,820
and you're getting to know one another. And,

374
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,720
you know, hanging out can mean a lot

375
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,480
of things. I feel like I sound very

376
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,220
old there.

377
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,580
JB and I, quote, hung out via text

378
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:15,299
a lot.

379
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:17,220
But it's just having

380
00:14:17,934 --> 00:14:19,954
conversations that are not necessarily

381
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:23,454
kink oriented. Part of it is kink. Some

382
00:14:23,454 --> 00:14:25,134
of it is the openness of knowing that

383
00:14:25,134 --> 00:14:27,054
you're both kinky. Kink can come up in

384
00:14:27,054 --> 00:14:29,454
a conversation organically. You're not trying to hide

385
00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:30,674
it or or

386
00:14:31,059 --> 00:14:32,899
tiptoe around the topic or say it in

387
00:14:32,899 --> 00:14:34,500
words with the other you know, you get

388
00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,580
to be more open, which is yet another

389
00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:38,420
reason to just if you're kinky, say you're

390
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:40,660
kinky and you're looking for a partner who

391
00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:43,940
is either gets it, interested in it, aware

392
00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:45,160
of it, whatever. Right?

393
00:14:45,764 --> 00:14:47,705
But, yes, please please please please,

394
00:14:48,245 --> 00:14:48,745
before

395
00:14:49,125 --> 00:14:51,384
you negotiate the power exchange,

396
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,925
make sure you like this person as a

397
00:14:53,925 --> 00:14:55,524
human being and you would want to be

398
00:14:55,524 --> 00:14:58,485
around them. Let alone let them have power

399
00:14:58,485 --> 00:15:00,245
over you or do things for you or

400
00:15:00,245 --> 00:15:02,059
whatever. And and, you know, there

401
00:15:02,519 --> 00:15:04,539
there's a thing that you want because oh,

402
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:05,100
hello.

403
00:15:06,759 --> 00:15:08,360
Lola came in like a wrecking ball. Yes.

404
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,019
She did.

405
00:15:10,279 --> 00:15:12,279
You know, one of the things you wanna

406
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:13,659
think about, you know, in

407
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,355
going into a kink relationship,

408
00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:20,174
I I said this early on, I'm gonna

409
00:15:20,174 --> 00:15:21,715
say it again right here and now,

410
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,894
building a kink relationship is like building a

411
00:15:26,894 --> 00:15:28,914
house. You need to have a solid foundation.

412
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:30,160
Mhmm. K?

413
00:15:31,420 --> 00:15:33,120
Communication, trust, respect,

414
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,000
honesty,

415
00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:35,600
those are all things

416
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:37,920
that are built on

417
00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:41,259
for the DS relationship. And it is tough

418
00:15:41,259 --> 00:15:43,180
when you're meeting new people because we have

419
00:15:43,180 --> 00:15:44,480
all, I think, had

420
00:15:44,784 --> 00:15:45,605
a situation,

421
00:15:46,304 --> 00:15:49,105
some more than others, of this person claimed

422
00:15:49,105 --> 00:15:51,264
to be a thing, claimed to be a

423
00:15:51,264 --> 00:15:52,945
certain type of person, and then you find

424
00:15:52,945 --> 00:15:54,945
out later that they were a big liar

425
00:15:54,945 --> 00:15:56,245
liar pants on fire.

426
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,139
And a lot of

427
00:15:58,519 --> 00:16:00,039
people, you know, will reach out to us

428
00:16:00,039 --> 00:16:03,080
and basically, like, try to find the magic

429
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,000
formula to kind of make sure that they

430
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,919
don't get caught with a liar liar pants

431
00:16:06,919 --> 00:16:08,779
on fire, and there is no magic formula.

432
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,580
The way I I look at it is

433
00:16:11,865 --> 00:16:13,404
pay attention to what they say,

434
00:16:13,945 --> 00:16:16,284
pay closer to attention to what they do,

435
00:16:16,424 --> 00:16:19,065
and then focus the fuck on how consistent

436
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:21,325
they are. Because a liar can do

437
00:16:21,705 --> 00:16:24,120
the right thing once, maybe twice, but they're

438
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,840
not gonna be consistent. Things. Yeah. Right. Right.

439
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:27,340
Exactly.

440
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:28,220
So

441
00:16:28,679 --> 00:16:29,420
you're looking

442
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,360
at do I feel like I can trust

443
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,139
them, and are they providing

444
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,245
consistent proof that I can keep trusting them?

445
00:16:37,245 --> 00:16:38,524
At some point, you're gonna have to make

446
00:16:38,524 --> 00:16:40,605
a leap of faith if, you know, they're

447
00:16:40,605 --> 00:16:42,365
kind of checking all the right boxes for

448
00:16:42,365 --> 00:16:44,524
you. Mhmm. Okay. I gotta I gotta move

449
00:16:44,524 --> 00:16:45,985
this forward a little bit.

450
00:16:46,524 --> 00:16:47,425
I'll give them

451
00:16:47,805 --> 00:16:49,485
a chance and let's see what they do

452
00:16:49,485 --> 00:16:50,225
with it. Right?

453
00:16:50,845 --> 00:16:51,345
But

454
00:16:51,929 --> 00:16:54,330
that's how you know. And you won't you

455
00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:57,049
will have your own internal system for is

456
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:58,889
this the right partner for me? And that

457
00:16:58,889 --> 00:17:00,490
person will check all the boxes, and they

458
00:17:00,490 --> 00:17:03,690
can still be a raging asshole liar liar

459
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,454
pants on fire.

460
00:17:05,095 --> 00:17:08,134
Abso fucking lutely. Those people exist. They're just

461
00:17:08,134 --> 00:17:10,054
really fucking good at it, and that is

462
00:17:10,054 --> 00:17:10,554
terrifying.

463
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,355
There's no way to completely guard against

464
00:17:13,974 --> 00:17:14,714
the heartbreak

465
00:17:15,015 --> 00:17:16,234
and the devastation

466
00:17:17,255 --> 00:17:18,855
of what a person like that can do

467
00:17:18,855 --> 00:17:21,390
to you. But you kind of put systems

468
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:23,549
in place to go, okay. I know what

469
00:17:23,549 --> 00:17:25,390
I want from them. I know what they're

470
00:17:25,390 --> 00:17:26,750
saying. I know what they're doing, but what

471
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,049
are they doing over time?

472
00:17:28,910 --> 00:17:30,990
Let's give this a chance. She wants to.

473
00:17:30,990 --> 00:17:33,404
JB's gotta go let Lola out who she

474
00:17:33,404 --> 00:17:35,884
is no longer swaddled and no longer being

475
00:17:35,884 --> 00:17:36,944
a calm girl.

476
00:17:39,244 --> 00:17:41,424
Now, when JB gets back to the microphone,

477
00:17:41,484 --> 00:17:42,544
let's flip

478
00:17:43,484 --> 00:17:46,865
to the people in an existing vanilla relationship

479
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,200
and 1 or both of you have had

480
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:49,700
that

481
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:50,980
light bulb

482
00:17:51,519 --> 00:17:53,380
moment of, oh, shit.

483
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,859
We're kinky, and we wanna do this thing.

484
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,140
So, typically,

485
00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:03,225
it's one partner figuring out they're kinky Mhmm.

486
00:18:04,325 --> 00:18:06,085
Or getting interested in kink in some way

487
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,805
or being curious about something to do with

488
00:18:08,805 --> 00:18:11,625
kink or power exchange or whatever Yeah. Bringing

489
00:18:11,684 --> 00:18:13,230
it to the other partner

490
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:14,609
and the

491
00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:18,690
terror that tends to go with that. That's

492
00:18:18,829 --> 00:18:21,250
tough. That is tough. That is very tough.

493
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:26,669
You know, you want to be careful how

494
00:18:26,669 --> 00:18:28,924
you approach it. Mhmm. Mhmm.

495
00:18:30,904 --> 00:18:32,924
And what I mean by saying that is,

496
00:18:33,144 --> 00:18:35,085
you know, when you discover this,

497
00:18:36,505 --> 00:18:37,005
you

498
00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:40,445
do not go running up

499
00:18:41,545 --> 00:18:42,445
to your partner

500
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,759
and say, look, I found this. I want

501
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:47,279
you to do this to me. Put me

502
00:18:47,279 --> 00:18:48,559
over your knee and beat the shit out

503
00:18:48,559 --> 00:18:49,220
of me.

504
00:18:50,639 --> 00:18:52,559
Yeah. That's usually not gonna go the way

505
00:18:52,559 --> 00:18:54,480
you're envisioning that I That is gonna go.

506
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,880
Okay. You know, that that is that is

507
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:57,940
not gonna work.

508
00:18:58,595 --> 00:18:59,255
You know,

509
00:19:00,755 --> 00:19:03,015
you you you kinda gotta feel it out

510
00:19:04,195 --> 00:19:04,275
and,

511
00:19:05,474 --> 00:19:07,394
you know, I I think really the best

512
00:19:07,394 --> 00:19:09,255
way to do it is

513
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,339
to kind of, you know,

514
00:19:11,819 --> 00:19:13,980
approach the other person. Hey, you know, have

515
00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:14,799
you heard

516
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:18,059
about erotic spanking? Do you do you know

517
00:19:18,059 --> 00:19:19,980
anything about it? Right. I I came across

518
00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:21,740
it and it it seems like it might

519
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:24,875
be something kinda interesting. Wanna talk about it?

520
00:19:24,875 --> 00:19:26,634
Right. That's one way. The other thing I

521
00:19:26,634 --> 00:19:28,795
like to do, if you're really uncertain about

522
00:19:28,795 --> 00:19:30,315
how your partner is going to react to

523
00:19:30,315 --> 00:19:32,555
the idea of kink or if they've had

524
00:19:32,555 --> 00:19:34,315
a not so great reaction in the past,

525
00:19:34,315 --> 00:19:35,215
I like to,

526
00:19:35,994 --> 00:19:37,535
advise asking hypotheticals.

527
00:19:38,235 --> 00:19:40,529
I heard about this thing. Insert the kink

528
00:19:40,529 --> 00:19:42,690
you're interested in. Have you ever heard of

529
00:19:42,690 --> 00:19:44,369
that? What do you think? We, you know

530
00:19:44,929 --> 00:19:46,289
and sometimes they're gonna go, I don't know

531
00:19:46,289 --> 00:19:48,210
what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah. And

532
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:50,210
sometimes they're gonna go, oh, I've heard of

533
00:19:50,210 --> 00:19:52,289
that kink thing, and they're not gonna have

534
00:19:52,289 --> 00:19:54,904
a good connotation for it. And and you

535
00:19:54,904 --> 00:19:57,945
gotta navigate that. But sometimes and this I

536
00:19:57,945 --> 00:19:58,684
have noticed

537
00:19:59,625 --> 00:20:01,384
I noticed to a degree that it was

538
00:20:01,384 --> 00:20:02,684
a pleasant surprise.

539
00:20:03,384 --> 00:20:06,125
If you happen to be in an, like,

540
00:20:06,265 --> 00:20:07,244
long term

541
00:20:07,769 --> 00:20:08,990
established relationship

542
00:20:09,769 --> 00:20:10,830
that is relatively

543
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,930
happy and healthy, obviously, there's like, we'd I'd

544
00:20:13,930 --> 00:20:15,210
like to be doing different things because I

545
00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:16,269
figured out I'm kinky.

546
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:18,670
Those folks,

547
00:20:20,755 --> 00:20:24,115
more often than not, when they approach their

548
00:20:24,115 --> 00:20:25,575
partner about kink,

549
00:20:25,954 --> 00:20:26,694
their partner

550
00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:28,375
reacts

551
00:20:28,835 --> 00:20:31,075
in the way that they're they would react

552
00:20:31,075 --> 00:20:32,434
to anything else that they

553
00:20:33,089 --> 00:20:35,009
that you bring something to them in an

554
00:20:35,009 --> 00:20:36,529
open way, in a curious way, in a

555
00:20:36,529 --> 00:20:37,029
nonjudgmental

556
00:20:37,329 --> 00:20:39,650
way, in a I don't know about that.

557
00:20:39,650 --> 00:20:41,009
What do you know about that kind of

558
00:20:41,009 --> 00:20:41,750
way? And

559
00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:45,429
Lola really has opinions about it this week.

560
00:20:46,769 --> 00:20:49,095
So that, yeah, they might not know what

561
00:20:49,095 --> 00:20:50,715
you know, and they might not

562
00:20:51,575 --> 00:20:54,715
know how they feel about kink yet, but

563
00:20:55,414 --> 00:20:58,134
really long term established relationships, again, that's already

564
00:20:58,134 --> 00:20:59,674
relatively happy and healthy,

565
00:21:00,775 --> 00:21:03,569
it the that switch over tends to be

566
00:21:03,569 --> 00:21:05,509
a lot smoother than you anticipate.

567
00:21:05,970 --> 00:21:07,509
Now the one thing that,

568
00:21:08,210 --> 00:21:08,849
we have

569
00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:11,490
I have been told about, and I believe

570
00:21:11,569 --> 00:21:13,250
I think it's safe to say JB has

571
00:21:13,250 --> 00:21:13,750
experienced

572
00:21:14,769 --> 00:21:15,269
is,

573
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:19,025
if you have been telling yourself that your

574
00:21:19,025 --> 00:21:20,904
relationship is probably air quote fine,

575
00:21:21,345 --> 00:21:22,724
but it's really not.

576
00:21:24,544 --> 00:21:25,044
You

577
00:21:25,984 --> 00:21:28,464
it's not actually that surprising when what happens

578
00:21:28,464 --> 00:21:29,904
is you go, hey. What do you think

579
00:21:29,904 --> 00:21:31,125
about this kink thing?

580
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,339
And this person you're calling a partner,

581
00:21:34,519 --> 00:21:35,019
has

582
00:21:35,639 --> 00:21:36,380
a devastating

583
00:21:36,839 --> 00:21:39,319
response to it. Negative. Like, not just I'm

584
00:21:39,319 --> 00:21:41,399
not interested. Not just I think that's gross.

585
00:21:41,399 --> 00:21:42,859
Not just what do you mean,

586
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,419
but more of a judgmental towards

587
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,525
you Mhmm. Reaction. JB experienced that himself.

588
00:21:50,625 --> 00:21:52,244
Let us not be shocked that

589
00:21:52,785 --> 00:21:55,125
that relationship did not last that much longer

590
00:21:55,424 --> 00:21:56,884
after that occurred. Because

591
00:21:57,744 --> 00:22:00,960
presenting an existing partner with and to them

592
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,220
or maybe even to you, quote, out there

593
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:03,859
suggestion

594
00:22:05,039 --> 00:22:06,339
can sometimes,

595
00:22:08,319 --> 00:22:10,419
give a painfully clear indication

596
00:22:11,679 --> 00:22:12,500
of how

597
00:22:13,795 --> 00:22:16,214
good things are not in your relationship.

598
00:22:17,315 --> 00:22:18,375
But in general,

599
00:22:18,674 --> 00:22:20,275
if this is your best friend, you would

600
00:22:20,275 --> 00:22:21,795
call them your best friend, this is your

601
00:22:21,795 --> 00:22:22,775
true partner,

602
00:22:23,154 --> 00:22:25,954
and you've been through hell and high water

603
00:22:25,954 --> 00:22:26,454
together,

604
00:22:28,569 --> 00:22:30,730
you know, I would say more often than

605
00:22:30,730 --> 00:22:32,009
not, you don't need to be scared about

606
00:22:32,009 --> 00:22:33,609
bringing it up. Yeah. You not might need

607
00:22:33,609 --> 00:22:35,309
to be delicate. Right?

608
00:22:35,929 --> 00:22:38,169
Like Jamey said, do not rush up to

609
00:22:38,169 --> 00:22:39,609
them and go, guess what? I want you

610
00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:41,545
to, like, fuck my throat tonight.

611
00:22:43,045 --> 00:22:44,884
Some people you could spring that on, but

612
00:22:44,884 --> 00:22:46,184
not everybody, right?

613
00:22:46,644 --> 00:22:48,244
And you also have to be patient. And

614
00:22:48,244 --> 00:22:50,484
that's the thing that I think trips up

615
00:22:50,484 --> 00:22:51,464
a lot of

616
00:22:51,924 --> 00:22:54,660
existing relationships when they're making that switch. When

617
00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:55,640
one partner

618
00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:57,960
starts exploring, maybe they read some fiction,

619
00:22:58,340 --> 00:23:00,340
maybe they came across a video or a

620
00:23:00,340 --> 00:23:03,160
podcast or they they whatever. Right? A movie.

621
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:05,720
Something. And you're like, hey, wait.

622
00:23:06,660 --> 00:23:08,180
This has pushed a few buttons and I

623
00:23:08,180 --> 00:23:09,785
like it. You go

624
00:23:10,085 --> 00:23:12,725
on an an explorative journey. Right? Like, what

625
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:14,244
does this mean? What do I think about

626
00:23:14,244 --> 00:23:16,345
it? Where can I learn and read and

627
00:23:16,404 --> 00:23:18,345
consume information about it?

628
00:23:18,805 --> 00:23:20,884
And unless your partner is going along on

629
00:23:20,884 --> 00:23:22,805
that journey with you, maybe just a a

630
00:23:22,805 --> 00:23:25,220
day or 2 behind you, you're gonna come

631
00:23:25,220 --> 00:23:27,220
at them with a lot more knowledge than

632
00:23:27,220 --> 00:23:28,980
they may possess. Every once in all, I've

633
00:23:28,980 --> 00:23:31,379
had folks tell me, oh, yeah. I was

634
00:23:31,379 --> 00:23:32,740
terrified to tell my partner that I think

635
00:23:32,740 --> 00:23:34,099
I was kinky. I wanna try this kink

636
00:23:34,099 --> 00:23:36,019
thing. And then come to find out, they

637
00:23:36,019 --> 00:23:38,899
had done kink, like, decades before and just

638
00:23:38,899 --> 00:23:39,914
didn't think I was into

639
00:23:41,195 --> 00:23:42,815
it. Right? Like, most of the time,

640
00:23:43,195 --> 00:23:45,035
you're gonna know more than your partner does,

641
00:23:45,035 --> 00:23:46,475
and so what you have to do is

642
00:23:46,475 --> 00:23:48,734
have the patience to let them catch up

643
00:23:48,795 --> 00:23:51,215
and let them figure out what they think

644
00:23:51,275 --> 00:23:52,174
about this.

645
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:54,119
Sometimes they're gonna figure out what they think

646
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,859
about it by participating with you, and sometimes

647
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,559
they're gonna be like, I gotta go, like,

648
00:23:59,559 --> 00:24:01,240
learn about this. I gotta go I gotta

649
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,159
get some information. I gotta go talk to

650
00:24:03,159 --> 00:24:04,859
somebody. I got whatever. Right?

651
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,039
That I find in the conversations I have

652
00:24:08,039 --> 00:24:08,414
with people,

653
00:24:09,375 --> 00:24:11,555
especially submissives, but not always,

654
00:24:12,255 --> 00:24:14,434
is the patience part

655
00:24:14,815 --> 00:24:16,654
of I'm really excited to do this, and

656
00:24:16,654 --> 00:24:18,975
I I gathered up all of my courage

657
00:24:18,975 --> 00:24:21,055
to tell you, and you didn't freak the

658
00:24:21,055 --> 00:24:21,795
fuck out.

659
00:24:22,319 --> 00:24:24,559
But so tomorrow can we have a power

660
00:24:24,559 --> 00:24:27,059
exchange? Can we can we do DS? And

661
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,200
it doesn't usually work that way. You you

662
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:29,599
know,

663
00:24:30,559 --> 00:24:32,259
there there is a lot more

664
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,740
to all this than meets the eye.

665
00:24:36,785 --> 00:24:38,144
A lot of lot of little,

666
00:24:38,625 --> 00:24:39,125
nuanced

667
00:24:39,744 --> 00:24:41,664
stuff, you know, especially when you're getting into

668
00:24:41,664 --> 00:24:42,964
a a DS

669
00:24:43,265 --> 00:24:43,765
relationship.

670
00:24:44,704 --> 00:24:46,565
And, you know, yeah, that that

671
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:48,380
ugly

672
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,799
patience word, you know, you want to take

673
00:24:51,799 --> 00:24:53,500
your time. You you want to,

674
00:24:55,799 --> 00:24:56,539
you know,

675
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,339
jumping into it has its own repercussions

676
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:00,220
sometimes.

677
00:25:01,804 --> 00:25:03,644
But, you know, the the main thing with

678
00:25:03,644 --> 00:25:05,345
this, you don't want anybody

679
00:25:05,804 --> 00:25:06,464
to get

680
00:25:06,845 --> 00:25:07,345
hurt.

681
00:25:07,964 --> 00:25:10,204
Right. And you You know? Only mitigate that

682
00:25:10,204 --> 00:25:12,684
as much as possible. And you mitigate it,

683
00:25:12,684 --> 00:25:14,525
and you do what you can to mitigate

684
00:25:14,525 --> 00:25:15,700
it, you know.

685
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:17,619
So,

686
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,259
you know, yeah, you you need to

687
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:21,140
to

688
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,400
tread the water lightly Mhmm. In the beginning,

689
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,299
so to speak. Conversations with an existing partner

690
00:25:27,599 --> 00:25:29,200
are gonna start with first of all, my

691
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,819
recommendation is don't

692
00:25:31,414 --> 00:25:33,974
don't have your partner drink from a the

693
00:25:33,974 --> 00:25:36,075
fire hose of kink. Yeah. Do not

694
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:37,894
try to take them on a journey of

695
00:25:37,894 --> 00:25:40,375
what does BDSM and power exchange mean all

696
00:25:40,375 --> 00:25:41,515
in, like, one conversation.

697
00:25:42,134 --> 00:25:43,894
Unless they have a background and a and

698
00:25:43,894 --> 00:25:45,275
a baseline of understanding,

699
00:25:46,089 --> 00:25:47,869
that's a lot. That's so much.

700
00:25:48,809 --> 00:25:51,849
You know, start with a thing you're very

701
00:25:51,849 --> 00:25:54,169
interested in doing with them. That might be

702
00:25:54,169 --> 00:25:55,869
power exchange. It might be just

703
00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:57,884
a bit of kinky fuckery. It might be

704
00:25:57,884 --> 00:25:59,105
spanking. It might

705
00:25:59,644 --> 00:26:01,244
be rope. It might who knows? Who knows

706
00:26:01,244 --> 00:26:01,984
what it is?

707
00:26:02,285 --> 00:26:04,144
Start small in the conversation,

708
00:26:04,924 --> 00:26:07,984
and then be prepared to have multiple conversations.

709
00:26:08,525 --> 00:26:10,799
Because you're gonna present some information.

710
00:26:11,580 --> 00:26:14,240
And depending on how your partner processes information,

711
00:26:14,299 --> 00:26:15,740
they might wanna go away and think about

712
00:26:15,740 --> 00:26:17,339
it. They might have questions. They might wanna

713
00:26:17,339 --> 00:26:19,900
be like, give me give me till this

714
00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:20,400
weekend.

715
00:26:21,259 --> 00:26:22,700
I'll I'll get back to you with, like,

716
00:26:22,700 --> 00:26:25,125
whatever my brain comes up with. Right? Yeah.

717
00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:27,625
The other thing is, like any other important

718
00:26:27,684 --> 00:26:28,904
conversation you have

719
00:26:29,445 --> 00:26:32,984
in your relationship, you timing is everything. True.

720
00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:35,045
You know, the in the chaos of getting

721
00:26:35,045 --> 00:26:36,884
ready for work in the morning or if

722
00:26:36,884 --> 00:26:39,065
you happen to have kids, dealing with whatever

723
00:26:39,309 --> 00:26:41,890
kid thing is going on, first of all,

724
00:26:42,269 --> 00:26:44,750
please do not have conversations about potential kink

725
00:26:44,750 --> 00:26:47,230
and power exchange in front of children who

726
00:26:47,230 --> 00:26:48,509
are not adults. And maybe just not in

727
00:26:48,509 --> 00:26:50,269
front of your children at all, unless you

728
00:26:50,269 --> 00:26:51,630
just happen to have that kind of life,

729
00:26:51,630 --> 00:26:53,710
and I know some folks do. Can't imagine

730
00:26:53,710 --> 00:26:54,835
it couldn't be me.

731
00:26:55,214 --> 00:26:57,134
But it's more of a, hey, there's something

732
00:26:57,134 --> 00:26:58,815
I wanna talk to you about. No, it's

733
00:26:58,815 --> 00:27:00,654
not for our anxious folks. No, it's not

734
00:27:00,654 --> 00:27:01,474
a bad thing.

735
00:27:02,174 --> 00:27:03,295
When do you think we can do that?

736
00:27:03,295 --> 00:27:05,134
Right? Like, wanna go get coffee? You wanna

737
00:27:05,295 --> 00:27:06,980
can we do it tonight after dinner?

738
00:27:07,519 --> 00:27:09,279
Like, find a time when you can both

739
00:27:09,279 --> 00:27:09,779
focus.

740
00:27:10,799 --> 00:27:13,679
And, as an anxious girly myself, I am

741
00:27:13,679 --> 00:27:14,900
very fond of,

742
00:27:15,279 --> 00:27:17,279
practicing what the hell you wanna say. Make

743
00:27:17,279 --> 00:27:18,500
yourself some notes.

744
00:27:18,825 --> 00:27:20,505
Put it in your in your note app

745
00:27:20,505 --> 00:27:21,565
on your phone. And

746
00:27:21,944 --> 00:27:23,625
if your partner knows you, they're probably not

747
00:27:23,625 --> 00:27:25,065
gonna be surprised you were like, hold on.

748
00:27:25,065 --> 00:27:26,505
I gotta pull up my notes app. I'll

749
00:27:26,505 --> 00:27:28,424
be reading this to you from here on

750
00:27:28,424 --> 00:27:31,625
out. Right? Like, just be yourself, but do

751
00:27:31,625 --> 00:27:32,825
not think you have to show up to

752
00:27:32,825 --> 00:27:33,644
this conversation

753
00:27:35,250 --> 00:27:37,250
as if you are about to give a

754
00:27:37,250 --> 00:27:39,009
performance on stage and you have to know

755
00:27:39,009 --> 00:27:41,090
every single line by heart, like, to get

756
00:27:41,170 --> 00:27:42,869
take the help where you can get it.

757
00:27:43,890 --> 00:27:45,650
And be prepared for questions. Do not think

758
00:27:45,650 --> 00:27:46,930
you have to know all the answers to

759
00:27:46,930 --> 00:27:49,275
the questions. I always like to say whatever

760
00:27:49,275 --> 00:27:51,615
resources you got your information from,

761
00:27:51,994 --> 00:27:54,075
send them there. Right? Now we all process

762
00:27:54,075 --> 00:27:56,315
information differently. So in the beginning of my

763
00:27:56,315 --> 00:27:57,755
kink journey, if somebody had asked me, I

764
00:27:57,755 --> 00:27:59,914
would have sent them to places to read

765
00:27:59,914 --> 00:28:00,414
things.

766
00:28:00,929 --> 00:28:02,369
But if you know your partner is not

767
00:28:02,369 --> 00:28:04,450
a reader, they're a listener, or a video

768
00:28:04,450 --> 00:28:06,529
watcher, send send them there. Right? Let them

769
00:28:06,849 --> 00:28:09,009
Yeah. Let them explore a little bit on

770
00:28:09,009 --> 00:28:09,909
their own because

771
00:28:11,490 --> 00:28:13,809
the if they're willing to do this with

772
00:28:13,809 --> 00:28:15,764
you and they wanna try and they wanna

773
00:28:15,764 --> 00:28:17,284
see what can happen and, you know, they're

774
00:28:17,284 --> 00:28:19,065
like, yeah. Let let's explore together.

775
00:28:20,005 --> 00:28:22,644
You're going on 3 journeys. You're going on

776
00:28:22,644 --> 00:28:25,684
your individual journey and whatever your kink role

777
00:28:25,684 --> 00:28:29,279
and personality is. They're going on theirs with

778
00:28:29,279 --> 00:28:30,799
what they're gonna learn and what they're gonna

779
00:28:30,799 --> 00:28:32,160
want and what they're gonna figure out about

780
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,160
themselves. And then there's the thing you're doing

781
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:34,660
together

782
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:36,180
in your relationship.

783
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,420
And so they have to

784
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:40,259
have the ability

785
00:28:40,559 --> 00:28:41,779
and maybe the encouragement

786
00:28:42,704 --> 00:28:43,204
to

787
00:28:43,585 --> 00:28:45,904
go explore what that means to them and

788
00:28:45,904 --> 00:28:48,704
what intrigues them and how they feel about

789
00:28:48,704 --> 00:28:50,244
it. Because here is the downside.

790
00:28:51,105 --> 00:28:52,164
And we're talking

791
00:28:52,704 --> 00:28:55,424
in this series about folks who are definitely

792
00:28:55,424 --> 00:28:57,490
doing power exchange, but let me be very

793
00:28:57,490 --> 00:28:59,349
clear. Sometimes you're gonna tell your partner,

794
00:28:59,890 --> 00:29:01,409
I'm a submissive, and I would I want

795
00:29:01,409 --> 00:29:02,450
you to be my dom. I want you

796
00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:03,409
to be my top. I want you to

797
00:29:03,409 --> 00:29:04,450
tell me what to do. I want you

798
00:29:04,450 --> 00:29:05,909
to take turns, like, whatever. Right?

799
00:29:06,210 --> 00:29:08,289
And they're gonna go off and explore or

800
00:29:08,289 --> 00:29:09,650
not, but they're gonna come back to you

801
00:29:09,650 --> 00:29:11,515
at some point and go, this is not

802
00:29:11,515 --> 00:29:12,015
me.

803
00:29:12,714 --> 00:29:15,194
It's not me. That's a different conversation to

804
00:29:15,194 --> 00:29:17,914
have, and and that's different. I would tell

805
00:29:17,914 --> 00:29:19,674
you different things than I would tell somebody

806
00:29:19,674 --> 00:29:21,214
else where their partner is

807
00:29:21,515 --> 00:29:22,575
intrigued, enthusiastic,

808
00:29:22,954 --> 00:29:24,174
willing, whatever whatever.

809
00:29:25,275 --> 00:29:26,730
That is the scary part.

810
00:29:27,529 --> 00:29:29,369
You figure this thing out about yourself. You

811
00:29:29,369 --> 00:29:31,150
present it to your existing partner

812
00:29:32,250 --> 00:29:34,130
and they that's not a journey they want

813
00:29:34,130 --> 00:29:34,910
to go on.

814
00:29:35,849 --> 00:29:39,369
People still have, successful relationships with that. It's

815
00:29:39,369 --> 00:29:39,869
possible,

816
00:29:40,730 --> 00:29:42,169
but that is a that's a thing you

817
00:29:42,169 --> 00:29:45,125
have to just know is a possibility. Okay.

818
00:29:45,585 --> 00:29:48,325
So let's let's go forth from

819
00:29:48,865 --> 00:29:51,024
we have our new relationship. We know we're

820
00:29:51,024 --> 00:29:53,664
both kinky. We're moving towards power exchange. Okay.

821
00:29:53,664 --> 00:29:56,164
We have our existing relationship. Everybody's enthusiastic,

822
00:29:56,579 --> 00:29:57,079
willing,

823
00:29:57,700 --> 00:30:00,519
learning together. Here we go. Alright.

824
00:30:01,220 --> 00:30:02,279
Let's talk about

825
00:30:02,900 --> 00:30:04,119
the actual process.

826
00:30:05,619 --> 00:30:07,159
The first thing to know

827
00:30:07,460 --> 00:30:09,079
is get ready to communicate,

828
00:30:10,005 --> 00:30:12,105
most likely in ways you have never communicated

829
00:30:12,325 --> 00:30:13,785
in your whole fucking

830
00:30:14,164 --> 00:30:16,825
life. And and the hard part about that,

831
00:30:17,205 --> 00:30:18,805
from what I hear from most people, I

832
00:30:18,805 --> 00:30:20,404
don't know even for myself and and a

833
00:30:20,404 --> 00:30:22,724
little bit for you, is, you know, when

834
00:30:22,724 --> 00:30:25,464
when you communicating at those kind of levels,

835
00:30:27,420 --> 00:30:29,279
you're leaving yourself kind of vulnerable,

836
00:30:30,859 --> 00:30:32,539
you know. It's a very vulnerable thing for

837
00:30:32,539 --> 00:30:36,059
sure. And, you know, again, that that's a

838
00:30:36,059 --> 00:30:38,140
hard thing to do, to let yourself be

839
00:30:38,140 --> 00:30:39,759
vulnerable in front of somebody,

840
00:30:40,380 --> 00:30:40,960
you know.

841
00:30:41,545 --> 00:30:41,865
And,

842
00:30:43,384 --> 00:30:44,125
and yet,

843
00:30:44,505 --> 00:30:47,011
as as time goes on, as as you

844
00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:47,724
are, you know,

845
00:30:48,265 --> 00:30:50,664
moving through the through this world, you're, you

846
00:30:50,664 --> 00:30:53,305
know, you're learning about yourself, you're you're learning

847
00:30:53,305 --> 00:30:54,684
about the things you want,

848
00:30:57,009 --> 00:30:59,970
it does become easier. Yeah. It's a skill

849
00:30:59,970 --> 00:31:02,690
thing. It's a there's a trust factor. There's

850
00:31:02,690 --> 00:31:05,329
a, ease with being vulnerable with each other

851
00:31:05,329 --> 00:31:07,569
factor, but there's just a skill thing that

852
00:31:07,569 --> 00:31:08,894
the more you do a thing

853
00:31:09,855 --> 00:31:11,535
and try to get better and improve and

854
00:31:11,535 --> 00:31:13,455
you learn from mistakes, the the more you

855
00:31:13,455 --> 00:31:15,695
improve. And it it especially with a partner

856
00:31:15,695 --> 00:31:17,775
you trust. I can say shit to JB

857
00:31:17,775 --> 00:31:18,275
now

858
00:31:18,815 --> 00:31:20,434
that me from 2014

859
00:31:20,815 --> 00:31:21,714
could never

860
00:31:22,255 --> 00:31:24,335
could never. If I was going to say

861
00:31:24,335 --> 00:31:26,490
it, it would take 3 business days

862
00:31:27,109 --> 00:31:27,849
and a

863
00:31:28,230 --> 00:31:30,569
600 to 1000 word email.

864
00:31:30,869 --> 00:31:31,369
Okay?

865
00:31:31,670 --> 00:31:34,549
Like, it took Yeah. Fucking effort. And now

866
00:31:34,549 --> 00:31:36,869
I can probably, if I watch my tone

867
00:31:36,869 --> 00:31:37,369
properly,

868
00:31:38,115 --> 00:31:39,654
say it in about 4 words.

869
00:31:41,315 --> 00:31:42,615
It's the time together,

870
00:31:42,994 --> 00:31:45,734
and it's the practice at just saying

871
00:31:46,595 --> 00:31:50,195
important things, hard things, meaningful things to one

872
00:31:50,195 --> 00:31:50,695
another,

873
00:31:51,169 --> 00:31:54,450
and realizing that we're not gonna scare the

874
00:31:54,450 --> 00:31:55,349
other one away.

875
00:31:55,970 --> 00:31:58,130
Some of that comes from, you know, past

876
00:31:58,130 --> 00:31:59,750
experiences and past partners.

877
00:32:00,210 --> 00:32:01,589
The one thing I I

878
00:32:02,289 --> 00:32:05,009
will say to existing relationships when you're transitioning

879
00:32:05,009 --> 00:32:06,355
from vanilla to kink,

880
00:32:07,055 --> 00:32:08,974
you are gonna have the baggage of every

881
00:32:08,974 --> 00:32:12,095
argument you ever had outside of of kink

882
00:32:12,095 --> 00:32:15,315
and power exchange. You're gonna have hurt feelings

883
00:32:15,535 --> 00:32:16,035
from

884
00:32:16,815 --> 00:32:18,734
the 1st year of your marriage. You're gonna

885
00:32:18,734 --> 00:32:19,234
have

886
00:32:19,535 --> 00:32:20,035
experiences

887
00:32:20,335 --> 00:32:20,835
where

888
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,380
the old style of your relationship

889
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,660
did not allow for this level of communication

890
00:32:26,799 --> 00:32:27,299
necessarily.

891
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,819
And you're gonna wanna fall back in

892
00:32:31,119 --> 00:32:33,519
to old habits and patterns, but not because

893
00:32:33,519 --> 00:32:34,293
you like them, but because they're familiar and

894
00:32:34,293 --> 00:32:34,480
the familiar is easy. Comfortable. Right. At the

895
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,605
same familiar and the familiar is easy. Comfortable.

896
00:32:36,605 --> 00:32:38,786
Right. At the same time, new relationships, you're

897
00:32:38,786 --> 00:32:39,194
coming with everything that's ever happened to you

898
00:32:39,194 --> 00:32:41,424
in other relationships prior to meeting this person.

899
00:32:41,565 --> 00:32:42,065
Mhmm.

900
00:32:42,765 --> 00:32:45,085
Which means you're coming with your lack of

901
00:32:45,085 --> 00:32:46,394
communication skills if that's a thing that

902
00:32:51,079 --> 00:32:51,980
you struggled with.

903
00:32:52,359 --> 00:32:54,140
Mhmm. The thing about kink

904
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,519
power exchange or just kink in general, it

905
00:32:56,519 --> 00:32:58,359
does not matter. In order to do it

906
00:32:58,359 --> 00:32:59,819
in a relatively

907
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,700
safe, air quote that word, a risk aware,

908
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:03,980
way

909
00:33:04,599 --> 00:33:06,299
so that it is good for everybody,

910
00:33:06,855 --> 00:33:09,355
requires some deep level work on yourself.

911
00:33:09,654 --> 00:33:11,654
Because you gotta not only figure out what

912
00:33:11,654 --> 00:33:13,414
the fuck you want, you then have to

913
00:33:13,414 --> 00:33:16,315
figure out how to effectively communicate to somebody

914
00:33:16,775 --> 00:33:18,875
and do it in such a way that

915
00:33:19,269 --> 00:33:20,089
if they

916
00:33:20,390 --> 00:33:22,390
don't understand the first time, you can go

917
00:33:22,390 --> 00:33:23,750
back and go, no. No. No. Let's let's

918
00:33:23,750 --> 00:33:26,230
clarify. Let's fix. Let's whatever. And those are

919
00:33:26,390 --> 00:33:28,710
that's a skill, and we do not come

920
00:33:28,710 --> 00:33:31,450
into this world possessing it. No.

921
00:33:31,990 --> 00:33:33,929
And if you've been through shit where

922
00:33:34,414 --> 00:33:36,335
you weren't, oh, you know, you didn't feel

923
00:33:36,335 --> 00:33:38,174
safe saying what you thought. You had you

924
00:33:38,174 --> 00:33:40,174
were not raised in an environment where you

925
00:33:40,174 --> 00:33:42,174
got to express yourself. You've had the kind

926
00:33:42,174 --> 00:33:44,174
of relationships where you've been shut out and

927
00:33:44,174 --> 00:33:45,474
you shut down and

928
00:33:45,934 --> 00:33:48,174
that is still there. That is all still

929
00:33:48,174 --> 00:33:48,630
there.

930
00:33:49,190 --> 00:33:51,509
Yeah. And same. JB's raising his hand, but

931
00:33:51,509 --> 00:33:52,009
same.

932
00:33:52,390 --> 00:33:52,890
So,

933
00:33:53,750 --> 00:33:56,390
one thing that we have been recommending for

934
00:33:56,390 --> 00:33:59,269
literal years at this point Mhmm. Is a

935
00:33:59,269 --> 00:34:01,269
book that I believe is also available in

936
00:34:01,269 --> 00:34:01,769
audiobook,

937
00:34:02,294 --> 00:34:04,294
if you are a listener rather than a

938
00:34:04,294 --> 00:34:05,194
visual reader.

939
00:34:05,494 --> 00:34:08,154
It's called Tongue Tied by Stella Harris.

940
00:34:08,855 --> 00:34:11,335
I do not reread books, especially nonfiction. I

941
00:34:11,335 --> 00:34:12,694
have read this book 2 or 3 times

942
00:34:12,694 --> 00:34:14,934
now. Mhmm. It only has 1 or 2

943
00:34:14,934 --> 00:34:17,400
chapters specific to kink because the rest of

944
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:18,059
the information

945
00:34:19,559 --> 00:34:20,940
is applicable to

946
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:24,039
to relationships because it's about Yeah. Figuring out

947
00:34:24,039 --> 00:34:24,699
not just,

948
00:34:25,559 --> 00:34:27,239
how to tell your partner what you want,

949
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:29,000
but to figure out what you want and

950
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:30,735
to go a little bit on that the

951
00:34:30,894 --> 00:34:34,095
personal self journey and then to express it

952
00:34:34,095 --> 00:34:34,914
to a partner.

953
00:34:35,695 --> 00:34:37,614
It is not the only resource out there.

954
00:34:37,614 --> 00:34:38,815
It's not the end all, be all, but

955
00:34:38,815 --> 00:34:40,914
it is a hell of a good one,

956
00:34:41,215 --> 00:34:41,715
especially

957
00:34:42,095 --> 00:34:44,835
if the communication if you struggle to communicate

958
00:34:45,349 --> 00:34:46,170
around intimacy

959
00:34:50,309 --> 00:34:52,230
and and sex, because intimacy is not always

960
00:34:52,230 --> 00:34:53,510
sex. Sex is not but you know what

961
00:34:53,510 --> 00:34:56,890
I mean? Like, for sexual relationships, romantic relationships,

962
00:34:56,949 --> 00:34:59,110
this is written specifically for that. But even

963
00:34:59,110 --> 00:35:00,574
if you we're talking platonic,

964
00:35:01,114 --> 00:35:04,315
the skills transfer. Right? Like, the the skills

965
00:35:04,315 --> 00:35:06,315
we learned on how to effectively communicate to

966
00:35:06,315 --> 00:35:06,974
our children

967
00:35:07,594 --> 00:35:10,394
transferred how we effectively communicate with one another.

968
00:35:10,394 --> 00:35:11,835
What happened is we learned it in kink

969
00:35:11,835 --> 00:35:14,014
and then we transferred it to parenthood, but

970
00:35:14,269 --> 00:35:15,889
they transfer the other way too.

971
00:35:17,389 --> 00:35:18,829
You look like you're about to say something.

972
00:35:18,829 --> 00:35:19,730
No. Oh,

973
00:35:21,150 --> 00:35:22,510
the other thing, and we talk about this

974
00:35:22,510 --> 00:35:23,949
a lot, we've talked about this a lot

975
00:35:23,949 --> 00:35:26,690
over the years, is while verbal communication

976
00:35:27,550 --> 00:35:28,050
or

977
00:35:30,355 --> 00:35:31,715
yeah. I can't think of another word. I

978
00:35:31,715 --> 00:35:32,994
know there's another word. I'm not thinking of

979
00:35:32,994 --> 00:35:33,494
it.

980
00:35:33,954 --> 00:35:37,315
Mhmm. While saying the thing is usually preferred,

981
00:35:37,315 --> 00:35:39,015
it is not the only way. Sometimes,

982
00:35:40,835 --> 00:35:43,315
you can't get your thoughts together when you've

983
00:35:43,315 --> 00:35:46,429
got somebody in your face. Sometimes your emotions

984
00:35:46,570 --> 00:35:48,329
and your own feelings get the better of

985
00:35:48,329 --> 00:35:51,949
you, and you don't feel like you're expressing

986
00:35:52,090 --> 00:35:52,590
yourself.

987
00:35:52,969 --> 00:35:56,170
So writing it down Yeah. Voice messages and

988
00:35:56,170 --> 00:35:58,110
voice memos Mhmm. Texts,

989
00:35:58,570 --> 00:35:59,070
email,

990
00:36:00,284 --> 00:36:03,085
a shared Google Drive doc, a piece of

991
00:36:03,085 --> 00:36:05,664
paper, like, whatever you need

992
00:36:06,284 --> 00:36:08,045
to gather your thoughts, put them in a

993
00:36:08,045 --> 00:36:09,964
spot, and then hand them over to your

994
00:36:09,964 --> 00:36:10,464
partner.

995
00:36:10,764 --> 00:36:13,644
Yep. Use it. It is okay. There it

996
00:36:13,644 --> 00:36:14,925
does not have to be

997
00:36:15,609 --> 00:36:17,130
effective communication does not have to be we

998
00:36:17,130 --> 00:36:18,510
sit across from one another,

999
00:36:18,969 --> 00:36:20,409
and we look each other in the eyes,

1000
00:36:20,409 --> 00:36:22,089
and we say the thing back and forth.

1001
00:36:22,089 --> 00:36:23,929
That's ideal. When you can do it, do

1002
00:36:23,929 --> 00:36:26,089
it. Yeah. But if that is still a

1003
00:36:26,089 --> 00:36:28,409
struggle, but you've got shit you've gotta say,

1004
00:36:28,409 --> 00:36:30,255
look. We've been together over we've known each

1005
00:36:30,255 --> 00:36:32,434
other over 10 years now. Mhmm.

1006
00:36:33,135 --> 00:36:35,954
Less than 6 months ago, we got into

1007
00:36:37,295 --> 00:36:39,054
a disagreement. And, good lord, I don't even

1008
00:36:39,054 --> 00:36:41,214
remember what it was about anymore. You probably

1009
00:36:41,214 --> 00:36:43,154
do because you remember shit, and I don't.

1010
00:36:43,710 --> 00:36:45,869
But I didn't feel like JB was hearing

1011
00:36:45,869 --> 00:36:48,349
me and and getting my point and what

1012
00:36:48,349 --> 00:36:49,710
I was trying to communicate. I don't think

1013
00:36:49,710 --> 00:36:51,170
he thought I was hearing him.

1014
00:36:51,789 --> 00:36:54,349
So even though we don't really need it

1015
00:36:54,349 --> 00:36:57,409
anymore, I sure as shit wrote an email

1016
00:36:57,864 --> 00:36:59,945
and expressed myself because I could gather my

1017
00:36:59,945 --> 00:37:02,184
thoughts. I could edit myself. I could revise.

1018
00:37:02,184 --> 00:37:03,785
I could go, wait. Do I think that's

1019
00:37:03,785 --> 00:37:05,625
clear enough? Oh, wait. I forgot this detail.

1020
00:37:05,625 --> 00:37:07,545
Let me find you know? I could take

1021
00:37:07,545 --> 00:37:09,005
my time. I could then

1022
00:37:09,545 --> 00:37:12,000
send it off to him. Yep. And now

1023
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,599
the hard part is you then have to

1024
00:37:13,599 --> 00:37:16,079
wait for your partner To respond. To take

1025
00:37:16,079 --> 00:37:18,340
the information and think about it and respond.

1026
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:20,400
In the end, we had to agree to

1027
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,480
disagree on a thing We did. Which was

1028
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:23,780
also very frustrating.

1029
00:37:27,384 --> 00:37:29,144
But even after all these years, that is

1030
00:37:29,144 --> 00:37:31,464
still a tool that we will use I

1031
00:37:31,625 --> 00:37:33,944
to effectively keep I I have woken up

1032
00:37:33,944 --> 00:37:36,025
and found a folded piece of paper on

1033
00:37:36,025 --> 00:37:39,164
my desk by the keyboard. Yep. Yep. Mhmm.

1034
00:37:40,230 --> 00:37:41,929
I know. Yep. Whatever

1035
00:37:43,269 --> 00:37:44,409
it takes. Yeah.

1036
00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:47,690
For some, if it's accessible to you,

1037
00:37:48,150 --> 00:37:51,829
therapy. For some, it's dealing with your mental

1038
00:37:51,829 --> 00:37:54,389
illnesses with maybe that's medication, maybe it's therapy,

1039
00:37:54,389 --> 00:37:56,605
maybe it's something else. Maybe it's right? There's

1040
00:37:56,605 --> 00:37:58,605
gonna be stuff that's gonna get in the

1041
00:37:58,605 --> 00:38:00,944
way that is bigger than just,

1042
00:38:01,484 --> 00:38:02,924
oh, if I, you know, learn how to

1043
00:38:02,924 --> 00:38:05,324
communicate, this will be fine. Right? That but

1044
00:38:05,324 --> 00:38:07,085
that is a part of it. If there

1045
00:38:07,085 --> 00:38:07,585
is

1046
00:38:08,039 --> 00:38:10,780
something going on with you that prevents you

1047
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:11,980
from

1048
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:13,179
being able

1049
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:14,460
to share

1050
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,340
innermost thoughts that are necessary

1051
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,039
to have a safe power exchange relationship, to

1052
00:38:20,039 --> 00:38:22,619
negotiate your power exchange Mhmm.

1053
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,214
You're you might have to do some extra

1054
00:38:25,214 --> 00:38:26,914
work to get to that place.

1055
00:38:27,375 --> 00:38:27,875
Having

1056
00:38:28,815 --> 00:38:30,355
a safe, supportive,

1057
00:38:30,894 --> 00:38:32,914
caring, trustworthy partner

1058
00:38:33,534 --> 00:38:35,775
makes a big difference, but that is not

1059
00:38:35,775 --> 00:38:36,755
a cure all

1060
00:38:37,070 --> 00:38:38,829
for whatever has gone on in your life

1061
00:38:38,829 --> 00:38:40,829
or whatever is going on in your own

1062
00:38:40,829 --> 00:38:43,469
wiring and brain chemistry and however you are

1063
00:38:43,469 --> 00:38:43,969
built

1064
00:38:44,510 --> 00:38:47,150
to overcome everything. Right? Some of that is

1065
00:38:47,150 --> 00:38:48,750
just gonna require work. Now that does not

1066
00:38:48,750 --> 00:38:50,110
mean you have to wait until you are

1067
00:38:50,110 --> 00:38:52,164
quote, oh, I don't like this word, but

1068
00:38:52,224 --> 00:38:54,144
that you are, you know, better, air quote,

1069
00:38:54,144 --> 00:38:55,585
you are fixed, air quote, like, what is

1070
00:38:55,585 --> 00:38:57,664
the those are awful words. You don't have

1071
00:38:57,664 --> 00:38:59,344
to wait till everything's just right and then

1072
00:38:59,344 --> 00:39:01,425
go to your power exchange. What it does

1073
00:39:01,425 --> 00:39:03,125
mean is you have to be very

1074
00:39:04,065 --> 00:39:05,204
honest with yourself

1075
00:39:05,824 --> 00:39:06,324
about

1076
00:39:07,190 --> 00:39:10,010
where you're struggling and how this might interfere

1077
00:39:10,069 --> 00:39:10,809
with, you

1078
00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:11,849
know,

1079
00:39:12,150 --> 00:39:15,029
trusting your partner or communicating your feelings or

1080
00:39:15,029 --> 00:39:16,889
negotiating what you really want.

1081
00:39:17,510 --> 00:39:19,269
And it it's a thing that you can

1082
00:39:19,269 --> 00:39:20,974
do side by side with all of that.

1083
00:39:20,974 --> 00:39:22,414
Right? Like, you could be working on that

1084
00:39:22,414 --> 00:39:23,875
stuff for yourself

1085
00:39:24,815 --> 00:39:26,574
and learning how to talk to your partner

1086
00:39:26,574 --> 00:39:28,655
and talking about kinks with each other and

1087
00:39:28,655 --> 00:39:30,494
figuring out what is this thing that we

1088
00:39:30,494 --> 00:39:31,875
even fucking want.

1089
00:39:32,494 --> 00:39:34,440
But that's a that's an introspective,

1090
00:39:35,140 --> 00:39:37,539
if you don't know thyself, then fucking learn

1091
00:39:37,539 --> 00:39:38,039
thyself

1092
00:39:38,340 --> 00:39:39,320
kind of situation.

1093
00:39:42,099 --> 00:39:44,280
And when you have a supportive partner

1094
00:39:44,659 --> 00:39:47,140
who, for your own sake, wants you to

1095
00:39:47,140 --> 00:39:50,125
be the happiest, healthiest version of yourself that

1096
00:39:50,125 --> 00:39:50,944
you can be,

1097
00:39:51,405 --> 00:39:53,085
then that makes it a little bit easier.

1098
00:39:53,085 --> 00:39:54,525
It's still a lot of work you have

1099
00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:56,224
to do on your own. You you know?

1100
00:39:56,284 --> 00:39:58,125
First time I went to therapy, I was

1101
00:39:58,125 --> 00:40:00,065
walking in on my on my lonesome

1102
00:40:01,005 --> 00:40:02,920
to say, hey. I think I'm going crazy.

1103
00:40:02,980 --> 00:40:04,119
Can you help me?

1104
00:40:05,539 --> 00:40:07,799
I think it was perimenopause starting, but whatever.

1105
00:40:09,539 --> 00:40:11,460
So, yeah, that that's part of it too.

1106
00:40:11,460 --> 00:40:14,339
We there's this expectation that we're supposed to

1107
00:40:14,339 --> 00:40:17,045
all communicate well, and you're supposed to know

1108
00:40:17,045 --> 00:40:18,984
what the fuck that means, and it's just

1109
00:40:19,764 --> 00:40:21,284
not true for most people. Not all of

1110
00:40:21,284 --> 00:40:22,505
us were

1111
00:40:23,125 --> 00:40:24,264
taught good

1112
00:40:24,724 --> 00:40:25,224
communicating

1113
00:40:25,844 --> 00:40:27,364
straight out of the box. You know? They're

1114
00:40:27,684 --> 00:40:29,065
some some people were.

1115
00:40:29,605 --> 00:40:31,144
Some people are natural

1116
00:40:31,679 --> 00:40:32,179
learners,

1117
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,440
but not everybody, and and that's when, you

1118
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,699
know, a book like this is invaluable,

1119
00:40:38,639 --> 00:40:39,699
absolutely invaluable,

1120
00:40:40,079 --> 00:40:40,739
you know.

1121
00:40:41,679 --> 00:40:42,179
My

1122
00:40:44,414 --> 00:40:45,474
biological family,

1123
00:40:46,094 --> 00:40:47,075
they never talked.

1124
00:40:47,454 --> 00:40:49,075
Still don't. Still don't.

1125
00:40:49,614 --> 00:40:50,335
No. And,

1126
00:40:51,135 --> 00:40:51,795
you know,

1127
00:40:52,974 --> 00:40:54,195
when I tried to,

1128
00:40:54,655 --> 00:40:55,635
it it just

1129
00:40:56,460 --> 00:40:57,199
over the head.

1130
00:40:57,820 --> 00:40:58,320
And,

1131
00:40:59,980 --> 00:41:02,139
you know, yeah. It you you in in

1132
00:41:02,139 --> 00:41:04,059
many cases, you have to learn it, you

1133
00:41:04,059 --> 00:41:05,900
have to practice it, and work at it.

1134
00:41:05,900 --> 00:41:07,980
It, you know, it it's not something that

1135
00:41:07,980 --> 00:41:10,000
you just snap your fingers and it happens.

1136
00:41:10,684 --> 00:41:11,824
Right. Because communication

1137
00:41:12,605 --> 00:41:13,105
is

1138
00:41:13,485 --> 00:41:15,485
required for any of this to work. Yeah.

1139
00:41:15,485 --> 00:41:16,625
You have to communicate

1140
00:41:17,644 --> 00:41:20,204
your wants, your desires, the things you you're

1141
00:41:20,204 --> 00:41:22,684
into, the things that you you want to

1142
00:41:22,684 --> 00:41:24,204
get from. In this case, we're talking about

1143
00:41:24,204 --> 00:41:26,940
power exchange, but this applies to all facets

1144
00:41:26,940 --> 00:41:27,599
of BDSM.

1145
00:41:28,059 --> 00:41:29,980
You also have to learn how to say,

1146
00:41:29,980 --> 00:41:31,280
no. I don't want that.

1147
00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:33,500
And you have to learn how to say,

1148
00:41:33,500 --> 00:41:35,579
I want I thought I wanted that, but

1149
00:41:35,579 --> 00:41:37,119
now I I don't want that.

1150
00:41:38,059 --> 00:41:40,204
The I think one of my bigger struggles

1151
00:41:40,344 --> 00:41:41,884
as our relationship developed

1152
00:41:42,585 --> 00:41:45,085
was figure learning how to communicate

1153
00:41:45,464 --> 00:41:47,724
when I was upset with you. Now

1154
00:41:48,025 --> 00:41:49,565
we've had many, many,

1155
00:41:50,025 --> 00:41:52,240
episodes where we talk about, like, arguing and

1156
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:54,740
Yeah. Not being happy with one another. And

1157
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,380
many people are not effective communicators

1158
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,920
in in the middle of their their, like

1159
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,260
No. Their highest emotional,

1160
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,579
like, anger or whatever. Right?

1161
00:42:05,315 --> 00:42:06,934
I had to learn that it's okay

1162
00:42:07,875 --> 00:42:10,755
to walk away temporarily Yes. Calm the fuck

1163
00:42:10,755 --> 00:42:14,035
down and come back and communicate. Right? Yeah.

1164
00:42:14,035 --> 00:42:14,535
My,

1165
00:42:15,235 --> 00:42:17,175
go to was to shut down completely,

1166
00:42:18,090 --> 00:42:19,309
stew on it internally,

1167
00:42:20,250 --> 00:42:22,730
and outwardly go, it's fine. It doesn't matter

1168
00:42:22,730 --> 00:42:25,130
for it then to bubble up, 6 months

1169
00:42:25,130 --> 00:42:26,030
to a year later.

1170
00:42:26,970 --> 00:42:29,210
That was not healthy either. No. Because then

1171
00:42:29,210 --> 00:42:31,849
that point, nothing is resolved or, you know

1172
00:42:32,090 --> 00:42:35,764
And the the real trick in power exchange

1173
00:42:35,905 --> 00:42:36,405
specifically

1174
00:42:37,505 --> 00:42:39,125
is to figure out amongst,

1175
00:42:39,585 --> 00:42:41,764
you know, y'all, your relationship,

1176
00:42:42,385 --> 00:42:43,605
how you're gonna handle

1177
00:42:44,065 --> 00:42:46,224
your roles when you're pissed at one another,

1178
00:42:46,224 --> 00:42:47,789
and you gotta talk through conflict.

1179
00:42:49,369 --> 00:42:50,969
Some folks do a time out. They come

1180
00:42:50,969 --> 00:42:53,369
completely out of the role. They're just one

1181
00:42:53,369 --> 00:42:55,690
to 1 with total equals here. Let's just

1182
00:42:55,690 --> 00:42:56,909
say what we gotta say.

1183
00:42:57,369 --> 00:43:00,364
We stay within our role. So but all

1184
00:43:00,364 --> 00:43:02,525
that means for us is that we watch

1185
00:43:02,525 --> 00:43:04,445
our tone with one another. The the rule

1186
00:43:04,445 --> 00:43:06,045
we have for each other is we can

1187
00:43:06,045 --> 00:43:07,644
say whatever we gotta say. We just have

1188
00:43:07,644 --> 00:43:09,885
to be respectful. And in power exchange, it

1189
00:43:09,885 --> 00:43:11,644
sounds like that that's just my rule because

1190
00:43:11,644 --> 00:43:14,170
I'm the submissive. It's a stated rule for

1191
00:43:14,170 --> 00:43:16,010
me because I'm the submissive, but it's an

1192
00:43:16,010 --> 00:43:18,849
understood rule for everybody. Right. Right. It's like

1193
00:43:18,969 --> 00:43:20,969
I follow the same rules. I Right. It's

1194
00:43:20,969 --> 00:43:23,130
a core tenant of who we are in

1195
00:43:23,130 --> 00:43:24,430
a relationship. Right.

1196
00:43:24,969 --> 00:43:26,744
So we don't feel the need to come

1197
00:43:26,825 --> 00:43:27,724
out of a

1198
00:43:28,105 --> 00:43:29,945
role. We just walk we try to watch

1199
00:43:29,945 --> 00:43:32,425
our tone, and we're quick to go, hey.

1200
00:43:32,425 --> 00:43:33,945
I need a break or, hey. We gotta

1201
00:43:33,945 --> 00:43:36,345
come back to this when we can feel

1202
00:43:36,345 --> 00:43:36,845
ourselves

1203
00:43:37,385 --> 00:43:40,380
Yeah. Be not being able to to stay

1204
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,359
respectful. I mean, we we set It's just

1205
00:43:42,359 --> 00:43:44,760
very rare that now. We we set certain

1206
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:45,260
tenants,

1207
00:43:46,199 --> 00:43:47,800
you know, because arguing isn't

1208
00:43:48,679 --> 00:43:49,500
is inevitable.

1209
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,574
Mhmm. Okay? It's gonna happen at some point.

1210
00:43:53,135 --> 00:43:53,635
And,

1211
00:43:54,175 --> 00:43:56,094
you know, yeah, the the thing talking with

1212
00:43:56,094 --> 00:43:57,315
each other respectfully,

1213
00:44:00,335 --> 00:44:02,974
make a point, you know, because let's face

1214
00:44:02,974 --> 00:44:04,414
it. You're having an argument, it's easy to

1215
00:44:04,414 --> 00:44:06,700
get angry and and you get angry, you

1216
00:44:06,700 --> 00:44:09,180
say things that you probably shouldn't say. You

1217
00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:10,719
know, make a point,

1218
00:44:11,420 --> 00:44:13,599
you know, the the rules of engagement,

1219
00:44:14,300 --> 00:44:15,099
so to speak.

1220
00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:17,760
You know, we do not call each other

1221
00:44:17,980 --> 00:44:18,719
any names

1222
00:44:19,260 --> 00:44:19,760
whatsoever.

1223
00:44:21,994 --> 00:44:24,715
You know, we we don't bring up the

1224
00:44:24,715 --> 00:44:25,215
past

1225
00:44:25,675 --> 00:44:27,675
because past is not relevant to what we

1226
00:44:27,675 --> 00:44:30,315
are And if something was unresolved in the

1227
00:44:30,315 --> 00:44:32,414
past, then that is on us as adults

1228
00:44:32,474 --> 00:44:34,315
to bring it up outside of a heated

1229
00:44:34,315 --> 00:44:37,349
moment to resolve it. Mhmm. Mhmm. You know,

1230
00:44:38,690 --> 00:44:40,449
you know, we we don't put each other

1231
00:44:40,449 --> 00:44:41,489
down. Right.

1232
00:44:42,289 --> 00:44:42,949
You know,

1233
00:44:44,769 --> 00:44:47,510
we do our best to stay on track

1234
00:44:48,130 --> 00:44:50,715
and and, you know, resolve what is at

1235
00:44:50,954 --> 00:44:54,315
hand. Right. And, again, that's a skill we've

1236
00:44:54,315 --> 00:44:57,114
learned over the years. We have sucked at

1237
00:44:57,114 --> 00:44:57,614
it,

1238
00:44:57,914 --> 00:44:59,994
and we've gotten better at it. Yeah. But

1239
00:44:59,994 --> 00:45:01,594
it's a thing you've just gotta know going

1240
00:45:01,594 --> 00:45:03,675
into this whole power exchange thing. And I

1241
00:45:03,675 --> 00:45:05,535
I get it. The both the new relationship

1242
00:45:09,660 --> 00:45:12,140
the frenzy of being so excited about power

1243
00:45:12,140 --> 00:45:14,219
exchange, whichever side of the slash you're on,

1244
00:45:14,219 --> 00:45:16,380
you can forget shit like that. But this

1245
00:45:16,380 --> 00:45:18,300
is why we're gonna about to go into

1246
00:45:18,300 --> 00:45:20,224
it. It's figuring out what you want. Figuring

1247
00:45:20,224 --> 00:45:21,585
out what you want is what leads to

1248
00:45:21,585 --> 00:45:22,085
negotiations.

1249
00:45:22,625 --> 00:45:23,525
Mhmm. Communication

1250
00:45:24,224 --> 00:45:25,844
and and being so

1251
00:45:26,144 --> 00:45:27,905
when you're figuring out what you want and

1252
00:45:27,905 --> 00:45:28,885
you're going to

1253
00:45:29,265 --> 00:45:30,965
negotiate your power exchange,

1254
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:33,679
you are unlikely to be really great at

1255
00:45:33,679 --> 00:45:34,179
communication

1256
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:37,359
yet. It's probably still new for you Mhmm.

1257
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:38,960
To be working on this skill. But it

1258
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,139
is important to be mindful of 1,

1259
00:45:41,599 --> 00:45:43,380
maybe this is not a skill I have

1260
00:45:43,535 --> 00:45:45,295
and I'm this is gonna this is gonna

1261
00:45:45,295 --> 00:45:47,695
be tough, and it's gonna be challenging, but

1262
00:45:47,695 --> 00:45:49,614
it can get better. Right? Like, I'm just

1263
00:45:49,855 --> 00:45:52,015
it's being aware of how the importance of

1264
00:45:52,015 --> 00:45:52,515
communication.

1265
00:45:54,335 --> 00:45:56,255
While we're on communication, before we get to

1266
00:45:56,255 --> 00:45:58,755
the figuring out the hell what you want,

1267
00:45:59,340 --> 00:46:01,920
another thing, and this is more for submissives,

1268
00:46:02,140 --> 00:46:05,019
but not completely, because doms can have these

1269
00:46:05,019 --> 00:46:05,519
too.

1270
00:46:05,980 --> 00:46:07,360
Communication is also

1271
00:46:08,780 --> 00:46:09,280
being

1272
00:46:09,579 --> 00:46:10,880
able and willing

1273
00:46:11,420 --> 00:46:12,720
to use a safe word,

1274
00:46:13,055 --> 00:46:15,135
to nope out of something in the middle

1275
00:46:15,135 --> 00:46:15,795
of something.

1276
00:46:16,255 --> 00:46:18,414
Now what that will look like in your

1277
00:46:18,414 --> 00:46:20,735
power exchange as part of the negotiation, you

1278
00:46:20,735 --> 00:46:23,695
talk it through of, okay, if something's gone

1279
00:46:23,695 --> 00:46:24,894
wrong, you know, am I gonna use a

1280
00:46:24,894 --> 00:46:26,710
safe word? Am I gonna just say stop?

1281
00:46:26,710 --> 00:46:28,550
Like, you you need to have those conversations.

1282
00:46:28,550 --> 00:46:29,050
Yeah.

1283
00:46:29,349 --> 00:46:31,269
But that is a form of communication, and

1284
00:46:31,269 --> 00:46:34,090
I say that because too damn many submissives

1285
00:46:34,710 --> 00:46:35,210
believe,

1286
00:46:36,070 --> 00:46:37,910
sometimes because the dumb has made them feel

1287
00:46:37,910 --> 00:46:39,644
this way and sometimes because they've gotten it

1288
00:46:39,644 --> 00:46:42,125
in their own head, that safe wording in

1289
00:46:42,125 --> 00:46:43,985
a in a scene or any situation

1290
00:46:44,364 --> 00:46:47,405
is a failure. They're disappointing their dom. Nope.

1291
00:46:47,405 --> 00:46:49,164
And so then they do not use that

1292
00:46:49,164 --> 00:46:52,465
communication tool to keep themself and their partner,

1293
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,119
air quote, this as safe as possible. Right?

1294
00:46:55,119 --> 00:46:57,679
Mhmm. So communication is not just, let me

1295
00:46:57,679 --> 00:46:58,800
tell you what the fuck I want and

1296
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:00,960
how I wanna get kinky with you. And

1297
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,679
it's not just, oh, hey. We're I thought

1298
00:47:03,679 --> 00:47:06,005
we were gonna be, happy and in love

1299
00:47:06,005 --> 00:47:06,744
and and,

1300
00:47:07,045 --> 00:47:09,045
you know, in new relationship energy or in

1301
00:47:09,045 --> 00:47:11,204
frenzy for fucking ever. And wait. We woke

1302
00:47:11,204 --> 00:47:13,204
up this morning, and you fucking pissed me

1303
00:47:13,204 --> 00:47:14,184
off, dude.

1304
00:47:14,885 --> 00:47:16,585
Right? It's that's that communication.

1305
00:47:18,485 --> 00:47:20,309
And then there is the, I have to

1306
00:47:20,309 --> 00:47:23,430
tell you a thing that I think you

1307
00:47:23,430 --> 00:47:26,410
won't wanna know. Right? And it's getting over

1308
00:47:26,630 --> 00:47:27,530
this idea

1309
00:47:27,829 --> 00:47:30,150
that safe wording out is a disappointment or

1310
00:47:30,150 --> 00:47:31,930
a bad thing. Here's here's the thing.

1311
00:47:32,789 --> 00:47:33,690
As a submissive,

1312
00:47:35,465 --> 00:47:38,125
you know, regardless of what you have negotiated

1313
00:47:38,905 --> 00:47:40,364
for your dynamic,

1314
00:47:41,385 --> 00:47:44,125
you still need to advocate for yourself.

1315
00:47:45,224 --> 00:47:45,724
K?

1316
00:47:46,105 --> 00:47:47,324
Still need to do that.

1317
00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:51,000
You know, if if you are being

1318
00:47:51,859 --> 00:47:53,619
asked to do something you don't want to,

1319
00:47:53,619 --> 00:47:56,339
you do not have to. K? You know,

1320
00:47:56,339 --> 00:47:57,559
use your safe word.

1321
00:47:58,420 --> 00:48:00,785
Don't, you know, if if if it is

1322
00:48:00,785 --> 00:48:03,664
really something that is absolutely positively against, you

1323
00:48:03,664 --> 00:48:05,364
know, hard limit that you

1324
00:48:07,425 --> 00:48:09,265
don't do it. Or if you're in distress

1325
00:48:09,265 --> 00:48:10,625
or if something has gone wrong or if

1326
00:48:10,625 --> 00:48:12,065
you're like, that's not a pain I wanted

1327
00:48:12,065 --> 00:48:13,825
to feel. There's so many reasons to use

1328
00:48:13,825 --> 00:48:15,880
a safe word. We've done so many episodes

1329
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:16,780
on safe words.

1330
00:48:17,159 --> 00:48:18,599
So oh, go ahead. You know, I I

1331
00:48:18,599 --> 00:48:20,780
just somebody mentioned in in chat,

1332
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:22,619
CDC said, you know,

1333
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:23,900
one of the first

1334
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:27,239
one of their first, communications agreement was do

1335
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:28,140
not assume.

1336
00:48:29,005 --> 00:48:30,684
And you know what? That that it that

1337
00:48:30,684 --> 00:48:33,585
it those are 3 amazing words right there,

1338
00:48:34,125 --> 00:48:36,704
you know, because yeah. When you assume something,

1339
00:48:38,284 --> 00:48:40,445
you that can make for trouble. Yeah. You're

1340
00:48:40,445 --> 00:48:42,304
almost always wrong, quite frankly.

1341
00:48:42,684 --> 00:48:45,280
Here's the thing, if you have ever

1342
00:48:45,659 --> 00:48:48,139
been in a relationship where you thought this

1343
00:48:48,139 --> 00:48:49,739
or a partner thought this, figure out where

1344
00:48:49,739 --> 00:48:50,719
you're at on that,

1345
00:48:51,099 --> 00:48:53,599
of air quote, they should just know

1346
00:48:54,460 --> 00:48:56,539
you are setting yourself up for a world

1347
00:48:56,539 --> 00:48:57,839
of fucking hurt because

1348
00:48:58,139 --> 00:49:00,014
they don't know shit that you have not

1349
00:49:00,014 --> 00:49:01,635
told them. Are there

1350
00:49:02,174 --> 00:49:05,135
things that we should ideally all understand as

1351
00:49:05,135 --> 00:49:07,394
human beings and with our morals and ethics?

1352
00:49:07,454 --> 00:49:08,114
Of course.

1353
00:49:08,574 --> 00:49:09,074
However,

1354
00:49:09,534 --> 00:49:11,775
in any relationship, but we talk about power

1355
00:49:11,775 --> 00:49:14,829
exchange here, do not assume. Say it plainly.

1356
00:49:14,969 --> 00:49:15,469
Right?

1357
00:49:15,769 --> 00:49:16,269
Say

1358
00:49:16,650 --> 00:49:19,210
the, here's the things that I like. Here's

1359
00:49:19,210 --> 00:49:21,369
the things I don't like. Here's what I

1360
00:49:21,369 --> 00:49:23,369
can do. Here's what I won't do. Like,

1361
00:49:23,369 --> 00:49:24,510
whatever it is,

1362
00:49:24,809 --> 00:49:28,005
do not assume your partner is the the

1363
00:49:28,005 --> 00:49:28,505
majority,

1364
00:49:29,045 --> 00:49:31,525
not all, not all, but the majority of

1365
00:49:31,525 --> 00:49:32,264
the situations

1366
00:49:32,644 --> 00:49:34,824
we see on Reddit, people message us about,

1367
00:49:35,045 --> 00:49:37,525
where a scene went to absolute shit and

1368
00:49:37,525 --> 00:49:38,025
now

1369
00:49:38,324 --> 00:49:40,724
1 or more people are at some level

1370
00:49:40,724 --> 00:49:41,545
of traumatized

1371
00:49:42,085 --> 00:49:44,000
Yeah. Will be because

1372
00:49:44,300 --> 00:49:46,320
1 or both partners assumed

1373
00:49:46,780 --> 00:49:48,619
that they knew what was happening and what

1374
00:49:48,619 --> 00:49:50,460
the other person wanted and that the other

1375
00:49:50,460 --> 00:49:52,559
person would understand what this

1376
00:49:52,860 --> 00:49:55,260
facial expression meant, what the sound meant, what

1377
00:49:55,420 --> 00:49:56,699
you know what I mean? And they did

1378
00:49:56,699 --> 00:49:59,015
not they were not clear with each other.

1379
00:49:59,015 --> 00:50:02,394
It's gonna sound boring to some and uncomfortable

1380
00:50:02,454 --> 00:50:05,255
to others, to be super fucking clear. I

1381
00:50:05,255 --> 00:50:05,755
mean,

1382
00:50:06,055 --> 00:50:08,474
I don't want to, you know, some people

1383
00:50:08,695 --> 00:50:10,615
get touchy about, oh, you think I'm stupid

1384
00:50:10,615 --> 00:50:13,000
because you're telling me this basic stuff? No.

1385
00:50:13,139 --> 00:50:14,980
I wanna make sure I know that I

1386
00:50:14,980 --> 00:50:16,659
said it and I know that you heard

1387
00:50:16,659 --> 00:50:17,480
it. Right.

1388
00:50:18,420 --> 00:50:20,099
Yep. We can we have done and can

1389
00:50:20,099 --> 00:50:20,599
do

1390
00:50:21,059 --> 00:50:23,219
so many episodes on communication. I've linked to

1391
00:50:23,219 --> 00:50:25,460
a couple. Let's move on to the this

1392
00:50:25,460 --> 00:50:27,445
is starting a power exchange. What the fuck

1393
00:50:27,445 --> 00:50:28,965
do you want? What do you want as

1394
00:50:28,965 --> 00:50:31,045
individuals, and what do you want together? The

1395
00:50:31,045 --> 00:50:33,605
fun stuff. Right. So let's talk resources first.

1396
00:50:33,605 --> 00:50:35,625
Let's talk about methods. Uh-huh.

1397
00:50:36,164 --> 00:50:38,324
A very common one, a very popular one

1398
00:50:38,324 --> 00:50:38,824
is

1399
00:50:39,219 --> 00:50:41,780
BDSM checklist, sometimes called a yes, no, maybe

1400
00:50:41,780 --> 00:50:42,280
list.

1401
00:50:42,579 --> 00:50:43,960
We do offer 1.

1402
00:50:44,660 --> 00:50:46,840
You need to subscribe to our newsletter,

1403
00:50:47,940 --> 00:50:50,980
to receive that, in your email inbox. Or

1404
00:50:51,219 --> 00:50:52,739
Mhmm. It doesn't load as a page. Either

1405
00:50:52,739 --> 00:50:54,135
way, you can download it if you do

1406
00:50:54,215 --> 00:50:56,215
that. What we're gonna do this week in

1407
00:50:56,215 --> 00:50:56,715
our,

1408
00:50:57,494 --> 00:51:00,054
weekly newsletter for folks who've been subscribed for,

1409
00:51:00,054 --> 00:51:01,594
like, a 100 fucking years,

1410
00:51:01,974 --> 00:51:03,414
and you don't know where your copy is

1411
00:51:03,414 --> 00:51:05,175
anymore, we're gonna include it in the newsletter

1412
00:51:05,175 --> 00:51:06,695
for anybody who wants it. But you can

1413
00:51:06,695 --> 00:51:08,954
also do a Google search for BDSM checklist.

1414
00:51:09,059 --> 00:51:11,460
Something will come up. The other thing, this

1415
00:51:11,460 --> 00:51:12,519
is a shameless

1416
00:51:12,980 --> 00:51:15,699
self promotion. We actually created the 30 days

1417
00:51:15,699 --> 00:51:17,699
of DS, now a workbook. It used to

1418
00:51:17,699 --> 00:51:18,760
be an email series,

1419
00:51:19,059 --> 00:51:21,699
specifically to help newer kingsters figure out what

1420
00:51:21,699 --> 00:51:24,260
power exchange even means to them. Mhmm. And

1421
00:51:24,260 --> 00:51:28,054
their journal prompts slash conversation starters, they're linked.

1422
00:51:28,114 --> 00:51:30,135
But you gotta find a method

1423
00:51:30,914 --> 00:51:33,875
to go, but what do I want and

1424
00:51:33,875 --> 00:51:36,275
what do we want? And how are we

1425
00:51:36,275 --> 00:51:38,190
gonna make these things come together?

1426
00:51:38,570 --> 00:51:39,309
And so

1427
00:51:39,929 --> 00:51:42,250
BDSM is like drinking from a fucking fire

1428
00:51:42,250 --> 00:51:44,730
hose. Yeah. You It can be. Will think

1429
00:51:44,730 --> 00:51:47,070
you know what BDSM encompasses.

1430
00:51:48,090 --> 00:51:49,769
And 6 months to a year later, you

1431
00:51:49,769 --> 00:51:52,195
will learn about 10 1,000 other things you

1432
00:51:52,195 --> 00:51:54,594
never thought about. So there's a lot. And

1433
00:51:54,594 --> 00:51:56,514
and then you you gotta add in the

1434
00:51:56,514 --> 00:51:58,855
fact, you know, when I first came into

1435
00:51:58,994 --> 00:51:59,655
the community,

1436
00:52:01,954 --> 00:52:03,494
it has changed

1437
00:52:03,875 --> 00:52:04,775
quite a bit

1438
00:52:05,579 --> 00:52:06,800
from that time.

1439
00:52:08,300 --> 00:52:08,960
Mhmm. Exactly.

1440
00:52:11,420 --> 00:52:13,579
So start with a position of what See,

1441
00:52:13,579 --> 00:52:15,260
there's 2 ways to start, I think. There

1442
00:52:15,260 --> 00:52:16,480
is the checklist

1443
00:52:17,260 --> 00:52:17,760
workbook,

1444
00:52:18,380 --> 00:52:20,480
talk through what all your options could be.

1445
00:52:20,780 --> 00:52:22,855
And for some people, that will work beautifully.

1446
00:52:22,914 --> 00:52:23,655
Go there.

1447
00:52:24,434 --> 00:52:27,394
For others, it's, this is the one thing

1448
00:52:27,394 --> 00:52:29,394
I'm kind of interested in, and this is

1449
00:52:29,394 --> 00:52:31,234
the one thing I know about that thing.

1450
00:52:31,234 --> 00:52:33,094
Yeah. Right? And it's intriguing.

1451
00:52:33,590 --> 00:52:35,750
So let me tell you, my partner, who's

1452
00:52:35,750 --> 00:52:37,690
gonna do this power exchange thing with me,

1453
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:38,949
what do you think about it? And if

1454
00:52:38,949 --> 00:52:40,710
they're on board to try it, they're not

1455
00:52:40,710 --> 00:52:42,389
like, oh, hell no. I'm not doing that

1456
00:52:42,389 --> 00:52:44,710
shit kinda. Right? It's not a hard limit.

1457
00:52:44,710 --> 00:52:46,230
It's not even a soft limit. They're like,

1458
00:52:46,230 --> 00:52:47,449
yeah, I'm down to experiment.

1459
00:52:47,875 --> 00:52:50,595
You can start there with the what you

1460
00:52:50,595 --> 00:52:51,095
do

1461
00:52:51,715 --> 00:52:53,095
know about. Right?

1462
00:52:53,635 --> 00:52:56,114
There's no right right way. The the only

1463
00:52:56,114 --> 00:52:57,655
right versus wrong way

1464
00:52:58,114 --> 00:53:00,035
is to assume that you know what your

1465
00:53:00,035 --> 00:53:01,795
partner means or that they will know what

1466
00:53:01,795 --> 00:53:02,454
you mean,

1467
00:53:04,180 --> 00:53:05,160
and to not

1468
00:53:06,579 --> 00:53:07,480
talk in-depth

1469
00:53:08,260 --> 00:53:10,820
about what you're talking about trying before you

1470
00:53:10,820 --> 00:53:12,420
try it. Somebody said in the live chat,

1471
00:53:12,420 --> 00:53:14,340
and this is so true, especially in the

1472
00:53:14,340 --> 00:53:17,315
early days, the negotiation is 3 times longer

1473
00:53:17,315 --> 00:53:18,855
than the actual fucking scene.

1474
00:53:19,234 --> 00:53:19,974
Yep. Yeah.

1475
00:53:20,275 --> 00:53:21,714
Because there's so much to go over. And

1476
00:53:21,714 --> 00:53:23,234
a lot of people will say, oh, but

1477
00:53:23,234 --> 00:53:24,695
doesn't that take the,

1478
00:53:25,155 --> 00:53:25,815
you know,

1479
00:53:26,514 --> 00:53:28,289
the the sexiness out of it? Doesn't that

1480
00:53:28,289 --> 00:53:30,289
take the the fun out of it? Doesn't

1481
00:53:30,289 --> 00:53:31,890
that take the surprise out of it? Here's

1482
00:53:31,890 --> 00:53:34,369
the thing. There are good surprises and there

1483
00:53:34,369 --> 00:53:35,430
are bad surprises.

1484
00:53:36,050 --> 00:53:38,289
What you don't want in one of your

1485
00:53:38,289 --> 00:53:41,090
first interactions with a kink partner is for

1486
00:53:41,090 --> 00:53:44,224
a bad surprise. Nope. Nope. So you can't

1487
00:53:45,244 --> 00:53:47,565
guarantee you will never have a not so

1488
00:53:47,565 --> 00:53:50,204
pleasant surprise. Mhmm. But the best way to

1489
00:53:50,204 --> 00:53:53,105
mitigate that is to get real, real, real

1490
00:53:53,565 --> 00:53:54,944
detailed in your conversation

1491
00:53:55,420 --> 00:53:57,260
about what this is gonna look like. Mhmm.

1492
00:53:57,260 --> 00:53:58,719
From a power exchange,

1493
00:53:59,260 --> 00:53:59,760
perspective,

1494
00:54:00,619 --> 00:54:03,579
that's conversations about, okay, what what's your role?

1495
00:54:03,579 --> 00:54:05,420
What's my role? What do those words mean

1496
00:54:05,420 --> 00:54:08,059
to us? Mhmm. How do we think we

1497
00:54:08,059 --> 00:54:08,559
envision

1498
00:54:09,500 --> 00:54:11,974
this moment in the bedroom, this relationship,

1499
00:54:12,275 --> 00:54:15,155
this whatever, right? What do we think that

1500
00:54:15,155 --> 00:54:17,315
looks like? You're gonna each have your own

1501
00:54:17,315 --> 00:54:19,155
individual way of looking at that, and what

1502
00:54:19,155 --> 00:54:21,075
you're looking for, what you're trying to do

1503
00:54:21,075 --> 00:54:23,155
in all of this is take the thing

1504
00:54:23,155 --> 00:54:25,539
you want, the thing they want, put them

1505
00:54:25,539 --> 00:54:27,779
together, and find the Venn diagram in the

1506
00:54:27,779 --> 00:54:30,179
system. Ground. Yep. What do we both want

1507
00:54:30,179 --> 00:54:31,699
out of these things, and how do we

1508
00:54:31,699 --> 00:54:33,159
make that work? Mhmm.

1509
00:54:33,940 --> 00:54:36,099
I am a big, big fan of starting

1510
00:54:36,099 --> 00:54:38,119
real basic and real small.

1511
00:54:39,585 --> 00:54:41,264
If I was a, like, a baby kingster

1512
00:54:41,264 --> 00:54:43,505
today and I knew that spanking was, like,

1513
00:54:43,505 --> 00:54:44,244
super intriguing,

1514
00:54:45,344 --> 00:54:47,505
the first conversation that I had with a

1515
00:54:47,505 --> 00:54:50,304
potential, you know, spanker is gonna be, okay,

1516
00:54:50,304 --> 00:54:51,849
how how hard, how fast,

1517
00:54:52,150 --> 00:54:54,070
just, you know Mhmm. I'm scared of all

1518
00:54:54,070 --> 00:54:56,550
these other things. What's the minimum we can

1519
00:54:56,550 --> 00:54:59,050
do? Right? Which is usually your hand.

1520
00:54:59,590 --> 00:55:03,449
You know, you're gonna get real detailed, real

1521
00:55:03,510 --> 00:55:04,010
descriptive

1522
00:55:04,485 --> 00:55:07,224
because, again, you're not going to assume.

1523
00:55:07,845 --> 00:55:09,465
Mhmm. No assumptions. Nope.

1524
00:55:09,925 --> 00:55:12,244
But you gotta have a a starting point

1525
00:55:12,244 --> 00:55:14,345
of what are we even talking about.

1526
00:55:15,045 --> 00:55:16,724
One book that we like, I believe it's

1527
00:55:16,724 --> 00:55:18,505
still on Amazon, is Kinktionary.

1528
00:55:19,269 --> 00:55:21,430
Mhmm. Which is just a a friend a

1529
00:55:21,430 --> 00:55:23,590
kink friend and a fellow educator, put it

1530
00:55:23,590 --> 00:55:25,430
together several years ago, and it's just a

1531
00:55:25,430 --> 00:55:28,470
bunch of terms Correct. Defined so you have

1532
00:55:28,470 --> 00:55:28,970
this

1533
00:55:29,430 --> 00:55:32,309
sort of understanding of what these things even

1534
00:55:32,309 --> 00:55:32,809
are.

1535
00:55:33,625 --> 00:55:36,204
Mhmm. There is probably not

1536
00:55:36,825 --> 00:55:39,065
a broad king term on the planet that

1537
00:55:39,065 --> 00:55:40,204
doesn't have 10,000,000

1538
00:55:40,825 --> 00:55:43,224
resources to learn what that even is Mhmm.

1539
00:55:43,385 --> 00:55:45,085
And what that might look like.

1540
00:55:45,785 --> 00:55:48,119
But you're you know, you you go, okay.

1541
00:55:48,119 --> 00:55:49,639
This is my person that I'm gonna do

1542
00:55:49,639 --> 00:55:51,820
the power exchange with, however y'all have met.

1543
00:55:52,199 --> 00:55:54,199
You go, okay. I I'm not good at

1544
00:55:54,199 --> 00:55:56,380
it yet, but I'm gonna have to communicate

1545
00:55:56,839 --> 00:55:59,808
and, like Mhmm. Even the uncomfortable stuff. And

1546
00:55:59,808 --> 00:56:01,734
then it's like, okay, but what the fuck

1547
00:56:01,734 --> 00:56:01,838
do we wanna do? And you can decide

1548
00:56:01,838 --> 00:56:01,943
a thing on day 1, and both of

1549
00:56:01,943 --> 00:56:03,855
you get to change your mind at

1550
00:56:04,474 --> 00:56:04,974
any

1551
00:56:05,514 --> 00:56:06,014
point.

1552
00:56:06,554 --> 00:56:07,054
Absolutely.

1553
00:56:07,355 --> 00:56:08,414
Absolutely. You

1554
00:56:08,795 --> 00:56:11,375
know, when when, you know, when

1555
00:56:12,050 --> 00:56:15,730
any point. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, when when

1556
00:56:15,730 --> 00:56:17,829
when Kayla and I were coming together,

1557
00:56:18,929 --> 00:56:21,170
there were things she told me right up

1558
00:56:21,170 --> 00:56:22,710
front. She's like, you know,

1559
00:56:23,090 --> 00:56:23,570
this is

1560
00:56:24,210 --> 00:56:26,210
these are hard limits. I I this is

1561
00:56:26,210 --> 00:56:28,385
what, you know, I do not like this.

1562
00:56:29,644 --> 00:56:31,744
This this is something I have no intention

1563
00:56:31,805 --> 00:56:32,465
of trying.

1564
00:56:33,005 --> 00:56:34,765
You know, okay, there there were a couple

1565
00:56:34,765 --> 00:56:37,184
things she said that I was mildly disappointed

1566
00:56:37,805 --> 00:56:39,905
about. But, you know what?

1567
00:56:41,510 --> 00:56:43,750
I never once went to her and and

1568
00:56:43,750 --> 00:56:44,250
said,

1569
00:56:45,429 --> 00:56:46,550
can we do this? I want to do

1570
00:56:46,550 --> 00:56:47,989
this. I can I really want to do

1571
00:56:47,989 --> 00:56:50,550
this? Can we? Yeah. No pressure. Pressure's not

1572
00:56:50,550 --> 00:56:52,089
cool. Yeah. You

1573
00:56:52,469 --> 00:56:52,969
know,

1574
00:56:53,269 --> 00:56:53,769
and

1575
00:56:55,005 --> 00:56:57,404
you know, I I never even went back

1576
00:56:57,404 --> 00:57:00,045
to her and said, you know, man, I

1577
00:57:00,045 --> 00:57:00,924
I know it's been a little bit of

1578
00:57:00,924 --> 00:57:02,605
time. What do you you know, still feel

1579
00:57:02,605 --> 00:57:03,744
the same way about this?

1580
00:57:05,164 --> 00:57:07,824
But what did happen was over time,

1581
00:57:08,329 --> 00:57:08,829
as

1582
00:57:09,210 --> 00:57:10,030
we became

1583
00:57:10,650 --> 00:57:13,050
more familiar with each other, we we seen

1584
00:57:13,050 --> 00:57:15,230
more, you know, we did more together,

1585
00:57:15,610 --> 00:57:18,329
you became more comfortable with me, you know,

1586
00:57:18,329 --> 00:57:20,650
the the trust was there. You came to

1587
00:57:20,650 --> 00:57:22,409
me one time and said, you know, I

1588
00:57:22,409 --> 00:57:23,925
know I said this was a

1589
00:57:25,125 --> 00:57:26,965
hard limit for me, but I think I'd

1590
00:57:26,965 --> 00:57:28,965
be willing to try it at least once.

1591
00:57:28,965 --> 00:57:29,465
Mhmm.

1592
00:57:29,925 --> 00:57:31,224
My experience is

1593
00:57:31,684 --> 00:57:34,244
not always not for everything. Sometimes we just

1594
00:57:34,244 --> 00:57:36,244
know on a visceral level that thing is

1595
00:57:36,244 --> 00:57:36,929
not for me.

1596
00:57:37,650 --> 00:57:39,510
But what happens not infrequently

1597
00:57:40,130 --> 00:57:41,809
is that you have a picture in your

1598
00:57:41,809 --> 00:57:44,449
head of what something is because you've seen

1599
00:57:44,449 --> 00:57:46,449
it depicted in a certain way. Mhmm. And

1600
00:57:46,449 --> 00:57:48,849
in your mind, that's what that thing is.

1601
00:57:48,849 --> 00:57:50,369
And so that might that's your hard woman.

1602
00:57:50,369 --> 00:57:52,434
I don't wanna do that thing. Yeah. The

1603
00:57:52,434 --> 00:57:53,014
more you

1604
00:57:53,714 --> 00:57:56,034
learn about BDSM, the more you see what

1605
00:57:56,034 --> 00:57:58,434
other people do, the more you just discover

1606
00:57:58,434 --> 00:58:00,275
all of this, the more you realize that

1607
00:58:00,275 --> 00:58:02,855
for any single activity you can imagine, there's

1608
00:58:03,074 --> 00:58:05,155
a million ways to do it. And it's

1609
00:58:05,155 --> 00:58:06,295
entirely possible

1610
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:07,260
that

1611
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:09,820
you don't like 999

1612
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:13,000
ways of a 1,000, but there's that one

1613
00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:13,500
way

1614
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:14,940
and

1615
00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:17,000
and you're willing to explore it. But those

1616
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:18,614
things come with time. We did a whole

1617
00:58:18,775 --> 00:58:19,275
episode

1618
00:58:19,735 --> 00:58:21,335
on even though for some people it's very

1619
00:58:21,335 --> 00:58:24,155
eye roll worthy and cringey to call BDSM

1620
00:58:24,295 --> 00:58:26,454
a journey, it it is. It's not a

1621
00:58:26,454 --> 00:58:28,934
destination because the thing you decide with your

1622
00:58:29,175 --> 00:58:30,875
in your power change on day 1,

1623
00:58:31,340 --> 00:58:33,340
by day 100, it might not even look

1624
00:58:33,340 --> 00:58:34,000
like that.

1625
00:58:34,300 --> 00:58:37,019
We started with a very platonic power exchange

1626
00:58:37,500 --> 00:58:40,140
Mhmm. Yeah. That morphed over a brief amount

1627
00:58:40,140 --> 00:58:42,460
of time to a romantic and sexual power

1628
00:58:42,460 --> 00:58:45,175
exchange. We had a long distance power exchange

1629
00:58:45,175 --> 00:58:48,215
that looked nothing like our in person power

1630
00:58:48,215 --> 00:58:51,175
exchange. And the in person power exchange we

1631
00:58:51,175 --> 00:58:53,755
envisioned for one another in June of 2014

1632
00:58:54,454 --> 00:58:56,309
lasted about 10 minutes.

1633
00:58:57,110 --> 00:58:59,670
And by July of 2014, we were doing

1634
00:58:59,670 --> 00:59:01,449
something completely different.

1635
00:59:01,910 --> 00:59:04,710
And here we are now, 10 fucking years

1636
00:59:04,710 --> 00:59:07,690
later of living together, and our power exchange

1637
00:59:07,750 --> 00:59:08,250
today,

1638
00:59:08,694 --> 00:59:10,454
and the things we're in into and the

1639
00:59:10,454 --> 00:59:12,394
things we're interested in, things we wanna try,

1640
00:59:12,855 --> 00:59:15,655
it's just not even the it's it's night

1641
00:59:15,655 --> 00:59:17,275
and fucking day in some ways

1642
00:59:17,655 --> 00:59:19,655
from, you know, when we first moved in

1643
00:59:19,655 --> 00:59:22,135
together. It's all going to morph and change

1644
00:59:22,135 --> 00:59:22,635
because

1645
00:59:23,014 --> 00:59:23,514
your

1646
00:59:23,900 --> 00:59:25,420
your life is gonna morph and change. You're

1647
00:59:25,420 --> 00:59:27,420
gonna be in different seasons of life where

1648
00:59:27,420 --> 00:59:29,840
certain things are or are not possible.

1649
00:59:30,300 --> 00:59:32,059
You're gonna learn more, so then you're gonna

1650
00:59:32,059 --> 00:59:33,660
be like, oh, I didn't know that thing

1651
00:59:33,660 --> 00:59:35,980
was a possibility. Certain things may not interest

1652
00:59:35,980 --> 00:59:37,500
you anymore, and then they go by the

1653
00:59:37,500 --> 00:59:38,000
wayside.

1654
00:59:38,300 --> 00:59:41,605
You're gonna have physical and, potentially, mental health

1655
00:59:41,605 --> 00:59:44,724
issues that crop up between you, whether from

1656
00:59:44,724 --> 00:59:45,224
just

1657
00:59:45,684 --> 00:59:48,085
life stress or something else. Mhmm. And you're

1658
00:59:48,085 --> 00:59:50,565
gonna adjust from that, and it's it's it's

1659
00:59:50,565 --> 00:59:52,724
a journey because it is changing, and you

1660
00:59:52,724 --> 00:59:53,224
are

1661
00:59:53,599 --> 00:59:55,920
moving forward with no there's no finish line

1662
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:57,840
to cross. Right? Like, it's a thing that

1663
00:59:57,840 --> 01:00:00,900
just develops and shifts and morphs over time.

1664
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:01,780
So

1665
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:04,640
when you're getting started, you're like, okay. I

1666
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:06,880
gotta I gotta get good at communication. This

1667
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:09,215
is this is a thing. Mhmm. Oh, I've

1668
01:00:09,215 --> 01:00:11,135
gotta figure out what the hell I even

1669
01:00:11,135 --> 01:00:11,635
want.

1670
01:00:12,255 --> 01:00:14,335
Getting started, we it's easy to put a

1671
01:00:14,335 --> 01:00:16,815
lot of pressure on ourselves that the day

1672
01:00:16,815 --> 01:00:19,055
1 of power exchange, when you've talked about

1673
01:00:19,055 --> 01:00:21,074
it, you've negotiated, you've got your person,

1674
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:22,900
you've made a plan

1675
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:25,760
that you think that this plan is the

1676
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:28,000
plan you will live with for fucking every

1677
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:30,160
You might not make it 24 hours of

1678
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:32,480
that plan. Because the thing about getting started

1679
01:00:32,480 --> 01:00:34,239
with the thing is you're gonna do the

1680
01:00:34,239 --> 01:00:36,164
thing in the way that y'all talked about

1681
01:00:36,164 --> 01:00:37,885
and you envisioned that you would do this

1682
01:00:37,885 --> 01:00:40,045
thing. And 1 or both of you can

1683
01:00:40,045 --> 01:00:41,424
go, oh, that

1684
01:00:41,964 --> 01:00:45,025
was not realistic to our life right now.

1685
01:00:45,484 --> 01:00:45,984
Or

1686
01:00:46,364 --> 01:00:48,525
I thought I would like that better than

1687
01:00:48,525 --> 01:00:51,969
I like that. Mhmm. And we said this

1688
01:00:52,190 --> 01:00:53,650
literal fucking years ago,

1689
01:00:53,949 --> 01:00:56,289
god, almost a decade ago, that to us,

1690
01:00:56,429 --> 01:00:58,670
negotiation is just a very fancy term for

1691
01:00:58,670 --> 01:00:59,170
communication.

1692
01:00:59,469 --> 01:01:01,710
Mhmm. And so when you negotiate this power

1693
01:01:01,710 --> 01:01:04,025
exchange, you've gone through the steps of here's

1694
01:01:04,025 --> 01:01:05,724
my person, here are the things I want,

1695
01:01:05,784 --> 01:01:07,244
we're gonna practice our communication.

1696
01:01:07,944 --> 01:01:10,105
Mhmm. You don't negotiate in your one and

1697
01:01:10,105 --> 01:01:11,565
done. You are constantly,

1698
01:01:12,344 --> 01:01:12,844
consistently,

1699
01:01:13,545 --> 01:01:16,010
in some form, negotiating how this will work.

1700
01:01:16,010 --> 01:01:18,730
Because negotiation is, hey, daddy, you know the

1701
01:01:18,969 --> 01:01:21,449
that thing about kneeling at the bedside every

1702
01:01:21,449 --> 01:01:23,309
night? Yeah. My knees are

1703
01:01:23,690 --> 01:01:26,489
screaming at me. Can we address that? Yeah,

1704
01:01:26,489 --> 01:01:28,755
baby girl. We can. Oh, baby girl, you

1705
01:01:28,755 --> 01:01:30,594
know that thing about how I'm gonna give

1706
01:01:30,594 --> 01:01:32,214
you, like, a blistering,

1707
01:01:32,674 --> 01:01:34,135
spanking every night?

1708
01:01:34,674 --> 01:01:36,194
I do not have the energy for that.

1709
01:01:36,194 --> 01:01:38,914
Let us adjust this way. Right? Like, there's

1710
01:01:38,914 --> 01:01:41,489
gonna be situations that happen that are one

1711
01:01:41,489 --> 01:01:43,650
offs, and then there's gonna be things you

1712
01:01:43,650 --> 01:01:45,570
figure out that your body can handle, that

1713
01:01:45,570 --> 01:01:47,170
your mind can handle, that you like, that

1714
01:01:47,170 --> 01:01:49,489
you don't like. Mhmm. There's gonna be the

1715
01:01:49,489 --> 01:01:51,410
seasons of life where, like, the kids are

1716
01:01:51,410 --> 01:01:53,295
kidding, the parents are are parenting,

1717
01:01:53,835 --> 01:01:56,554
the job is jobbing, you know. Right. And

1718
01:01:56,554 --> 01:01:58,474
it's all gonna be the best. Right. Which

1719
01:01:58,474 --> 01:01:59,675
is why we go back to the thing

1720
01:01:59,675 --> 01:02:01,434
we said about get ready to learn how

1721
01:02:01,434 --> 01:02:04,474
to fucking communicate. Right. Because, like, I our

1722
01:02:04,474 --> 01:02:07,720
power exchange right now is primarily that JB

1723
01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:08,780
is the decider.

1724
01:02:09,079 --> 01:02:11,099
Capital t, capital d, trademark,

1725
01:02:11,559 --> 01:02:12,300
the decider.

1726
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:13,960
I have

1727
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:15,579
that's his main thing.

1728
01:02:15,960 --> 01:02:18,614
The things I do as a service submissive

1729
01:02:18,614 --> 01:02:19,114
are

1730
01:02:19,655 --> 01:02:21,815
not daily directed by him. He's not coming

1731
01:02:21,815 --> 01:02:23,994
up to me on the hour, every hour,

1732
01:02:24,054 --> 01:02:26,454
make my coffee, do this thing. We set

1733
01:02:26,454 --> 01:02:28,534
up a routine that I could do, and

1734
01:02:28,534 --> 01:02:30,534
I knew what was expected of me, and

1735
01:02:30,534 --> 01:02:32,135
I just fucking do it. And if I

1736
01:02:32,135 --> 01:02:33,630
don't do it, then we have to have

1737
01:02:33,710 --> 01:02:35,909
a conversation. Yeah. So here's a real life

1738
01:02:35,909 --> 01:02:38,609
such example of this. He is the decider.

1739
01:02:39,230 --> 01:02:41,309
I have my rules that I follow, my

1740
01:02:41,309 --> 01:02:43,309
tasks that I do because that is best

1741
01:02:43,309 --> 01:02:44,369
for our power exchange.

1742
01:02:44,829 --> 01:02:45,329
Communication

1743
01:02:45,630 --> 01:02:47,630
means that if something has happened, I have

1744
01:02:47,630 --> 01:02:48,344
a migraine.

1745
01:02:48,905 --> 01:02:50,764
I'm not gonna be home at this time.

1746
01:02:51,065 --> 01:02:52,824
Something is going on with my body that

1747
01:02:52,824 --> 01:02:54,585
will prevent me from doing the thing that

1748
01:02:54,585 --> 01:02:56,684
I've agreed to do as a submissive. Communication

1749
01:02:56,824 --> 01:02:58,284
skills and negotiation

1750
01:02:58,585 --> 01:03:00,045
means I have to go, hey, daddy.

1751
01:03:00,769 --> 01:03:02,789
I have a I have a blinding migraine

1752
01:03:02,849 --> 01:03:03,989
right now. Yeah.

1753
01:03:04,690 --> 01:03:06,690
I'm not sure I can bend over the

1754
01:03:06,690 --> 01:03:09,190
bed and get my ass beaten tonight. Mhmm.

1755
01:03:09,329 --> 01:03:11,010
Now we are in tune enough with one

1756
01:03:11,010 --> 01:03:12,849
another that he is paying enough attention to

1757
01:03:12,849 --> 01:03:15,445
go, are you feeling okay? Usually long before

1758
01:03:15,445 --> 01:03:17,224
I say I don't feel good. Right? Yeah.

1759
01:03:17,605 --> 01:03:19,864
And so we're having those conversations

1760
01:03:20,565 --> 01:03:22,664
and doing a day to day negotiation

1761
01:03:23,364 --> 01:03:23,864
Yeah.

1762
01:03:24,244 --> 01:03:25,925
Of what is this going to look like.

1763
01:03:25,925 --> 01:03:27,844
Most days, we are not even talking about.

1764
01:03:27,844 --> 01:03:29,579
We're just doing our thing. Just do it.

1765
01:03:29,900 --> 01:03:31,660
But some days, you have to have a

1766
01:03:31,660 --> 01:03:32,719
real brief conversation

1767
01:03:33,019 --> 01:03:34,960
and adjust things. That's

1768
01:03:35,579 --> 01:03:38,140
the that's the importance of the commute this

1769
01:03:38,300 --> 01:03:39,680
the communication skill.

1770
01:03:40,300 --> 01:03:42,619
It's also the importance of the flexibility of

1771
01:03:42,619 --> 01:03:44,414
the thing you think you're gonna do on

1772
01:03:44,414 --> 01:03:46,574
day 1. I hope you can. I hope

1773
01:03:46,574 --> 01:03:48,175
you knock it out of the park first

1774
01:03:48,175 --> 01:03:50,015
try. You're like, yep. This list that we

1775
01:03:50,015 --> 01:03:52,094
typed up so we would could both reference

1776
01:03:52,094 --> 01:03:54,175
it. That's a a thing you can do

1777
01:03:54,175 --> 01:03:55,875
when you're setting up your power exchange.

1778
01:03:56,670 --> 01:03:58,510
We do every single thing, and it we're

1779
01:03:58,510 --> 01:03:59,869
6 months on, and that that's what we

1780
01:03:59,869 --> 01:04:01,949
do, and we love it. If that's you,

1781
01:04:01,949 --> 01:04:03,630
I am very happy for you. But let

1782
01:04:03,630 --> 01:04:05,630
me tell you, you are the exception, not

1783
01:04:05,630 --> 01:04:08,445
the rule. Because most of us go, I

1784
01:04:08,445 --> 01:04:10,605
think I would like this. And the reality

1785
01:04:10,605 --> 01:04:12,125
goes, I'm a need you to sit down

1786
01:04:12,125 --> 01:04:13,744
and shut up because you're not getting

1787
01:04:14,045 --> 01:04:14,545
that.

1788
01:04:15,164 --> 01:04:17,425
That's that's not happening for you. Mhmm.

1789
01:04:17,885 --> 01:04:19,485
And a lot of time, you're gonna go,

1790
01:04:19,485 --> 01:04:21,510
oh, I thought I wanted that. I don't

1791
01:04:21,510 --> 01:04:23,110
I don't think that works for me, or

1792
01:04:23,110 --> 01:04:24,710
I don't that doesn't feel the way I

1793
01:04:24,710 --> 01:04:27,269
thought that was gonna feel. Yeah. Or that

1794
01:04:27,269 --> 01:04:29,510
doesn't work for our life. Like, I think

1795
01:04:29,510 --> 01:04:31,269
we thought when we moved in together, there

1796
01:04:31,269 --> 01:04:33,110
would be a lot more fucking scenes. Oh,

1797
01:04:33,110 --> 01:04:33,610
yeah.

1798
01:04:34,114 --> 01:04:36,054
No. No. No. And it's

1799
01:04:36,355 --> 01:04:39,174
it's actually dwindled over the years. Yeah.

1800
01:04:40,594 --> 01:04:43,714
Because life just keeps lifing. I know. So

1801
01:04:43,714 --> 01:04:45,014
with the getting started

1802
01:04:45,474 --> 01:04:47,470
as our final thing Mhmm. Because this is

1803
01:04:47,470 --> 01:04:49,390
such a big topic. It is. And we

1804
01:04:49,390 --> 01:04:51,390
only, like, have 4 main points and it's

1805
01:04:51,390 --> 01:04:52,990
still not enough and I could still talk

1806
01:04:52,990 --> 01:04:54,829
for literal hours. Why do you think we

1807
01:04:54,829 --> 01:04:55,570
have 409

1808
01:04:55,950 --> 01:04:57,250
fucking episodes? Yeah.

1809
01:04:59,255 --> 01:05:01,755
The getting started thing is you start

1810
01:05:02,135 --> 01:05:02,635
small

1811
01:05:02,934 --> 01:05:03,835
and slow.

1812
01:05:04,215 --> 01:05:04,715
Yeah.

1813
01:05:05,015 --> 01:05:06,855
I like to say, look at your mutual

1814
01:05:06,855 --> 01:05:08,375
list of things you wanna try. You're like,

1815
01:05:08,375 --> 01:05:09,815
yeah. We can do those things. Find the

1816
01:05:09,815 --> 01:05:11,994
one that you both are super excited about.

1817
01:05:12,480 --> 01:05:14,400
The thing that you're like, oh, hell, yeah.

1818
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:15,920
That'll feel good. Now that might be a

1819
01:05:15,920 --> 01:05:17,619
kinky fuckery scene thing.

1820
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:20,000
It might be a power exchange y thing.

1821
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:21,380
Right? It might just be,

1822
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:22,659
you know,

1823
01:05:23,039 --> 01:05:25,519
using your titles and your labels with each

1824
01:05:25,519 --> 01:05:27,644
other. Like, the first time I

1825
01:05:28,204 --> 01:05:30,385
JB was sir before he was daddy.

1826
01:05:30,845 --> 01:05:33,485
The first time using that can as exciting

1827
01:05:33,485 --> 01:05:35,405
as it might be, can feel awkward. It

1828
01:05:35,405 --> 01:05:37,345
it takes some getting used to.

1829
01:05:38,219 --> 01:05:40,139
Does subfrenzy sometimes make that a little bit

1830
01:05:40,139 --> 01:05:41,900
easier for some of us? Yes. Because we're

1831
01:05:41,900 --> 01:05:42,400
just

1832
01:05:43,340 --> 01:05:44,639
delirious with excitement.

1833
01:05:46,860 --> 01:05:49,019
But when we switched from sir to daddy,

1834
01:05:49,019 --> 01:05:51,440
first of all, it felt natural. Like, internally,

1835
01:05:51,500 --> 01:05:53,784
I was like, this is the right term,

1836
01:05:54,484 --> 01:05:56,164
but it was still a weird thing. You

1837
01:05:56,164 --> 01:05:57,844
can literally start that small. What are your

1838
01:05:57,844 --> 01:05:59,464
titles? Where are you gonna call one another

1839
01:05:59,525 --> 01:06:01,045
when it's appropriate to do it? Like, you

1840
01:06:01,045 --> 01:06:02,364
might not use those titles in front of

1841
01:06:02,404 --> 01:06:04,019
And, kids or work or whatever. But, you

1842
01:06:04,019 --> 01:06:06,640
know, when you're a little And what's funny

1843
01:06:06,640 --> 01:06:08,820
now, fast forward to to to to the

1844
01:06:08,820 --> 01:06:09,640
here and now,

1845
01:06:11,140 --> 01:06:13,699
is that you don't even like using my

1846
01:06:13,699 --> 01:06:15,940
given name anymore. Does not I have not

1847
01:06:15,940 --> 01:06:17,525
for years. It does not feel right in

1848
01:06:17,525 --> 01:06:18,184
my mouth.

1849
01:06:18,644 --> 01:06:19,465
That makes

1850
01:06:19,925 --> 01:06:22,085
trying to get his attention in public very

1851
01:06:22,085 --> 01:06:23,684
difficult. I will not say daddy to him

1852
01:06:23,684 --> 01:06:24,184
because

1853
01:06:24,565 --> 01:06:26,325
so there was a time when our age

1854
01:06:26,325 --> 01:06:27,625
difference looked a lot

1855
01:06:28,244 --> 01:06:30,325
vaster than it really is, and people would

1856
01:06:30,325 --> 01:06:32,170
think that he was my actual father, and

1857
01:06:32,170 --> 01:06:34,170
that really piss I don't like that. So

1858
01:06:34,170 --> 01:06:35,690
I was never gonna call him daddy in

1859
01:06:35,690 --> 01:06:36,190
public

1860
01:06:36,570 --> 01:06:38,910
to get that, you know, whatever.

1861
01:06:39,530 --> 01:06:40,269
And now

1862
01:06:41,050 --> 01:06:43,289
I look closer to my actual age, and

1863
01:06:43,289 --> 01:06:45,515
he's aging like a fine fucking line. Oh,

1864
01:06:45,515 --> 01:06:47,515
please. And so if I say daddy, now

1865
01:06:47,515 --> 01:06:48,954
we're gonna get looks I really don't wanna

1866
01:06:48,954 --> 01:06:51,375
deal with. I get I get comments on

1867
01:06:51,675 --> 01:06:54,155
Instagram from people that see my demonstrations. Oh,

1868
01:06:54,155 --> 01:06:56,255
look at that sweet old man talking about.

1869
01:06:58,460 --> 01:07:00,460
Sometimes I just think Instagram needs to be,

1870
01:07:00,460 --> 01:07:02,559
like, thrown into a volcano.

1871
01:07:03,099 --> 01:07:03,599
Okay?

1872
01:07:03,900 --> 01:07:06,699
Good god. I've got 2 people arguing on

1873
01:07:06,699 --> 01:07:08,299
one of our posts I know. Right now.

1874
01:07:08,299 --> 01:07:08,799
Anyway,

1875
01:07:10,565 --> 01:07:12,405
so I don't use daddy in public. That's

1876
01:07:12,405 --> 01:07:14,565
a between us. That's a sometimes in front

1877
01:07:14,565 --> 01:07:16,025
of y'all and sometimes not.

1878
01:07:16,805 --> 01:07:19,364
John Brownstone and JB, that is mostly a

1879
01:07:19,364 --> 01:07:22,005
here and in this context. With the kids,

1880
01:07:22,005 --> 01:07:23,445
because he met them when they were very

1881
01:07:23,445 --> 01:07:25,204
young, he was mister John. So mister John

1882
01:07:25,204 --> 01:07:26,105
became a title.

1883
01:07:26,460 --> 01:07:28,380
But they're like around my family. I don't

1884
01:07:28,380 --> 01:07:29,579
know that the kids are older. I don't

1885
01:07:29,579 --> 01:07:31,260
call him mister John. That would be weird

1886
01:07:31,260 --> 01:07:32,539
to be talking to just my mother and

1887
01:07:32,539 --> 01:07:34,139
not a single child around and go, yeah,

1888
01:07:34,139 --> 01:07:36,239
mister John. No. That doesn't make any sense.

1889
01:07:36,380 --> 01:07:37,900
You'll have to say John. But when we're

1890
01:07:37,900 --> 01:07:38,639
in public,

1891
01:07:40,105 --> 01:07:42,925
there's, like, 85 Johns in any given

1892
01:07:43,305 --> 01:07:43,805
establishment.

1893
01:07:44,905 --> 01:07:46,744
And he was not hearing me even with

1894
01:07:46,744 --> 01:07:48,585
his hearing aids on, and I'm going, John.

1895
01:07:48,585 --> 01:07:50,105
John. And I'm hating it. It, like, it

1896
01:07:50,105 --> 01:07:52,765
literally feels wrong in my mouth. And finally,

1897
01:07:53,269 --> 01:07:55,929
JB. And he whipped her out. I'm

1898
01:07:56,230 --> 01:07:58,469
like, I guess that's your new name in

1899
01:07:58,469 --> 01:07:59,609
public, man.

1900
01:08:02,230 --> 01:08:03,109
So yeah. And

1901
01:08:03,670 --> 01:08:05,750
but so you can start as small as

1902
01:08:05,829 --> 01:08:06,650
let's practice

1903
01:08:06,965 --> 01:08:10,105
trying our labels tonight. Yeah. Let's start with

1904
01:08:10,644 --> 01:08:12,405
depending on how your power exchange will do

1905
01:08:12,405 --> 01:08:14,085
it, it's very common for people to do

1906
01:08:14,085 --> 01:08:15,704
something like kneeling for a submissive.

1907
01:08:16,244 --> 01:08:18,164
We have talked about this in the past.

1908
01:08:18,164 --> 01:08:20,449
Kneeling is not a requirement. Sometimes your body

1909
01:08:20,449 --> 01:08:22,210
just will not let you. It's fine. You

1910
01:08:22,210 --> 01:08:24,289
can find other things. I don't kneel anymore.

1911
01:08:24,289 --> 01:08:26,210
If I do, it's for about 30 seconds

1912
01:08:26,210 --> 01:08:28,289
and then You you you kneel for a

1913
01:08:28,289 --> 01:08:29,829
while, then we went to a pillow.

1914
01:08:30,369 --> 01:08:32,050
Yep. And then And now I just bend

1915
01:08:32,050 --> 01:08:33,569
over. Bend over the bed. Bend over the

1916
01:08:33,569 --> 01:08:35,409
bed. Yep. You you'll find a thing. Maybe

1917
01:08:35,409 --> 01:08:35,625
it's,

1918
01:08:36,585 --> 01:08:37,085
the

1919
01:08:37,625 --> 01:08:39,704
some some power exchange folks like to do

1920
01:08:39,704 --> 01:08:41,965
a a ritual that tells your brains,

1921
01:08:42,505 --> 01:08:44,345
we are stopping our vanilla day, and we

1922
01:08:44,345 --> 01:08:46,185
are going into our kink life. Right? We

1923
01:08:46,185 --> 01:08:47,625
just live it all the time because of

1924
01:08:47,625 --> 01:08:49,029
the nature of our lives, but for some

1925
01:08:49,029 --> 01:08:50,069
folks one of the one of the most

1926
01:08:50,069 --> 01:08:51,829
common things I've heard is that, you know,

1927
01:08:51,829 --> 01:08:52,229
when,

1928
01:08:53,510 --> 01:08:55,989
somebody comes home from work, you know, especially

1929
01:08:55,989 --> 01:08:56,889
if you don't have

1930
01:08:57,189 --> 01:09:00,329
kids, you know, when the submissive comes home,

1931
01:09:01,445 --> 01:09:03,364
their collar gets put on. Right. And that

1932
01:09:03,364 --> 01:09:04,965
can be a thing you can literally start

1933
01:09:04,965 --> 01:09:07,545
with because all of this is new habits.

1934
01:09:07,605 --> 01:09:10,164
It's new things you're doing Yeah. That you

1935
01:09:10,164 --> 01:09:11,925
probably did not do before, or you did,

1936
01:09:11,925 --> 01:09:13,685
but you didn't label them in a certain

1937
01:09:13,685 --> 01:09:16,985
way, and you didn't ritualize them. Right? So

1938
01:09:17,260 --> 01:09:19,420
to get started, you've you've gone, I've I've

1939
01:09:19,420 --> 01:09:20,239
got my person.

1940
01:09:21,020 --> 01:09:21,760
I'm prepared

1941
01:09:22,220 --> 01:09:22,960
for communication.

1942
01:09:23,260 --> 01:09:25,579
You're never prepared. You don't know how much

1943
01:09:25,579 --> 01:09:27,680
communication there is until you're in it, but

1944
01:09:27,820 --> 01:09:28,880
tell yourself that.

1945
01:09:29,305 --> 01:09:30,984
We think we know what we want. As

1946
01:09:30,984 --> 01:09:33,145
of this day, this moment in time, this

1947
01:09:33,145 --> 01:09:34,925
is what we our Venn diagram.

1948
01:09:35,465 --> 01:09:36,925
Now we've gotta get started.

1949
01:09:37,545 --> 01:09:39,704
Start with the exciting thing and start small.

1950
01:09:39,704 --> 01:09:41,944
Mhmm. And just remember, you are building habits

1951
01:09:41,944 --> 01:09:45,039
and routines. I say that to say, dominance

1952
01:09:45,100 --> 01:09:48,060
out there who are gonna do submissive training,

1953
01:09:48,060 --> 01:09:50,939
have expectations of their submissive is gonna, you

1954
01:09:50,939 --> 01:09:53,260
know, behave in new ways, act in new

1955
01:09:53,260 --> 01:09:53,760
ways,

1956
01:09:54,060 --> 01:09:56,399
form new routines around the power exchange,

1957
01:09:56,715 --> 01:09:58,314
I'm gonna need y'all to be patient. You

1958
01:09:58,314 --> 01:10:00,074
are asking a person who has lived their

1959
01:10:00,074 --> 01:10:03,435
life a very specific way for however many

1960
01:10:03,435 --> 01:10:05,914
years you've been on this planet to upend

1961
01:10:05,914 --> 01:10:08,795
that and do something different. And it takes

1962
01:10:08,795 --> 01:10:10,814
time to retrain the brain. Mhmm.

1963
01:10:11,260 --> 01:10:13,100
And in the middle of it, you might

1964
01:10:13,100 --> 01:10:14,779
find that the things you thought were okay,

1965
01:10:14,779 --> 01:10:16,460
like we said earlier, you're like, no, this

1966
01:10:16,460 --> 01:10:18,219
is not working, and you're gonna have to

1967
01:10:18,219 --> 01:10:20,800
have that conversation, negotiate, and adjust it.

1968
01:10:21,579 --> 01:10:23,659
And, yeah. And I want submissives to be

1969
01:10:23,659 --> 01:10:24,800
patient with themselves.

1970
01:10:25,100 --> 01:10:28,435
You are literally changing the way you're living

1971
01:10:28,435 --> 01:10:30,215
some portion of your life.

1972
01:10:30,675 --> 01:10:32,694
You are not expected to be perfect

1973
01:10:33,395 --> 01:10:35,095
right out the gate. Now sometimes,

1974
01:10:35,555 --> 01:10:38,354
frenzy and excitement and new relationship energy and

1975
01:10:38,354 --> 01:10:40,220
all those good, like, endorphin

1976
01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:43,480
things going on will propel you forward, and

1977
01:10:43,480 --> 01:10:44,699
it'll be a little easier.

1978
01:10:45,320 --> 01:10:47,960
Eventually, it becomes mundane. Eventually, it becomes routine.

1979
01:10:47,960 --> 01:10:49,800
Eventually, you're like, this is my life now.

1980
01:10:49,800 --> 01:10:51,560
It's a little less exciting than it was

1981
01:10:51,560 --> 01:10:54,295
6 months ago. It's still good, hopefully,

1982
01:10:55,074 --> 01:10:56,054
but the excitement

1983
01:10:56,594 --> 01:10:57,414
is just

1984
01:10:58,114 --> 01:11:00,675
it changes over time. And so now it's

1985
01:11:00,675 --> 01:11:02,694
the, is this what I want?

1986
01:11:03,234 --> 01:11:04,594
You know? Am I gonna do this even

1987
01:11:04,594 --> 01:11:06,300
when I'm uncomfortable? Am I gonna speak up

1988
01:11:06,300 --> 01:11:08,060
if I'm uncomfortable and don't? You know what

1989
01:11:08,060 --> 01:11:08,699
I mean? Like, it

1990
01:11:09,500 --> 01:11:11,520
then we get past the getting started

1991
01:11:11,979 --> 01:11:14,319
stage, and we're in in the thick of

1992
01:11:14,859 --> 01:11:15,679
living it.

1993
01:11:19,114 --> 01:11:21,695
I could keep talking and yet we cannot.

1994
01:11:22,074 --> 01:11:24,314
No. It's why I included so

1995
01:11:24,954 --> 01:11:25,935
several links

1996
01:11:27,914 --> 01:11:29,994
in the different places depending on how you're

1997
01:11:29,994 --> 01:11:32,635
listening or watching, but also and I'll I'll

1998
01:11:32,635 --> 01:11:33,914
go back and add this to YouTube, and

1999
01:11:33,914 --> 01:11:35,729
I'll include it in the show notes. We

2000
01:11:35,729 --> 01:11:38,229
do have pages on our website, lovingbdsm.net,

2001
01:11:39,489 --> 01:11:40,309
that is, like,

2002
01:11:40,929 --> 01:11:43,489
new dominance, new to submit new to dominance,

2003
01:11:43,489 --> 01:11:45,489
new to submission, I think new to DS,

2004
01:11:45,489 --> 01:11:47,349
and we have resource links there.

2005
01:11:48,210 --> 01:11:49,729
We are not the end all, be all,

2006
01:11:49,729 --> 01:11:52,505
so, you know, There's the Pink Ink podcast.

2007
01:11:52,645 --> 01:11:53,145
There's

2008
01:11:53,525 --> 01:11:57,125
Evie Lupine on, YouTube. There's all there's it's

2009
01:11:57,125 --> 01:11:59,045
a guide. There's geeks and geeks. Yeah. There's

2010
01:11:59,045 --> 01:12:01,045
all kinds of resources, and you're gonna learn

2011
01:12:01,045 --> 01:12:04,324
something different from each resource that you Everybody

2012
01:12:04,324 --> 01:12:05,310
has their own perspective.

2013
01:12:05,710 --> 01:12:07,131
And everybody has their own way of doing

2014
01:12:07,131 --> 01:12:07,941
things. And and and there's nothing wrong with

2015
01:12:07,941 --> 01:12:09,043
that. That's good. You know? It'd be kind

2016
01:12:09,043 --> 01:12:10,750
of boring if everything was the same, you

2017
01:12:10,750 --> 01:12:12,909
know. And the thing is is the resources

2018
01:12:12,909 --> 01:12:13,489
that you

2019
01:12:13,869 --> 01:12:15,010
follow, you listen to, you

2020
01:12:19,515 --> 01:12:21,835
read, you watch, like, however you consume and

2021
01:12:21,835 --> 01:12:22,655
learn stuff.

2022
01:12:23,755 --> 01:12:24,814
Take what,

2023
01:12:26,155 --> 01:12:28,875
there's a word resonates with you, reject the

2024
01:12:28,875 --> 01:12:31,135
rest. You do not have to do it

2025
01:12:31,354 --> 01:12:33,854
specifically like anybody else for it to be

2026
01:12:34,074 --> 01:12:34,574
correct.

2027
01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:37,560
For very, very new folks, there is an

2028
01:12:37,560 --> 01:12:39,479
expression that those of us who are chronically

2029
01:12:39,479 --> 01:12:39,979
online

2030
01:12:40,439 --> 01:12:42,840
know, and that's one true way ism, where

2031
01:12:42,840 --> 01:12:45,000
it's there's this one true way to be

2032
01:12:45,000 --> 01:12:46,300
a dominant or ism

2033
01:12:46,680 --> 01:12:47,960
or to do d s, and all of

2034
01:12:47,960 --> 01:12:50,954
that is bullshit. So the more people you

2035
01:12:50,954 --> 01:12:52,015
can learn from,

2036
01:12:52,635 --> 01:12:54,314
go to a munch if that's an option

2037
01:12:54,314 --> 01:12:56,314
for you. Join a Discord if that's an

2038
01:12:56,314 --> 01:12:57,375
option for you. Right?

2039
01:12:57,675 --> 01:12:59,755
The more that you can get exposed to

2040
01:12:59,755 --> 01:13:01,994
the different ways people do this, the more

2041
01:13:01,994 --> 01:13:04,090
you'll get ideas and and and something will

2042
01:13:04,090 --> 01:13:05,449
make sense to you and click with you

2043
01:13:05,449 --> 01:13:07,150
and go, yeah. I'd like to try that.

2044
01:13:07,369 --> 01:13:09,690
Oh, no. That's fine for them, but not

2045
01:13:09,690 --> 01:13:11,869
for me. Right? You'll Mhmm. So,

2046
01:13:13,289 --> 01:13:15,229
just as a recap on

2047
01:13:15,610 --> 01:13:17,930
the resources that we've mentioned, they are all

2048
01:13:17,930 --> 01:13:19,390
linked in the places, but,

2049
01:13:19,984 --> 01:13:22,724
Tongue Tied by Stella Harris. Mhmm. Highly

2050
01:13:23,344 --> 01:13:23,844
recommend.

2051
01:13:24,385 --> 01:13:26,085
Yep. Oh my gosh. Yep.

2052
01:13:26,545 --> 01:13:27,284
We have

2053
01:13:27,585 --> 01:13:29,585
3 days of DS. We have 2 workbooks.

2054
01:13:29,585 --> 01:13:31,984
1 is for beginners. Volume 2 is for

2055
01:13:31,984 --> 01:13:33,684
established power exchange folks.

2056
01:13:35,439 --> 01:13:37,920
We have a BDSM checklist when you subscribe

2057
01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:40,319
to our newsletter. Mhmm. If you are already

2058
01:13:40,319 --> 01:13:42,099
subscribed to it, you're going to get

2059
01:13:42,479 --> 01:13:43,460
a fresh copy,

2060
01:13:44,399 --> 01:13:47,279
in the Friday newsletter. Mhmm. But you can

2061
01:13:47,279 --> 01:13:48,225
do a Google search.

2062
01:13:49,185 --> 01:13:50,945
We can we have in the past talked

2063
01:13:50,945 --> 01:13:51,685
about contracts.

2064
01:13:52,064 --> 01:13:54,545
They are not required for some people. That

2065
01:13:54,545 --> 01:13:56,784
works really well. They want that formality. Yeah.

2066
01:13:56,784 --> 01:13:58,885
For others, it's unnecessary. We literally

2067
01:13:59,664 --> 01:14:01,585
we like things written down when we don't

2068
01:14:01,585 --> 01:14:03,265
have them memorized yet, and it's not part

2069
01:14:03,265 --> 01:14:04,050
of our routine.

2070
01:14:04,609 --> 01:14:07,109
So our very first agreement negotiation

2071
01:14:07,889 --> 01:14:10,210
was a shared Google Doc. Yeah. It can

2072
01:14:10,210 --> 01:14:11,429
be that simple. Yeah.

2073
01:14:12,929 --> 01:14:13,429
So,

2074
01:14:13,809 --> 01:14:15,729
yeah, this is the first, and then I

2075
01:14:15,729 --> 01:14:17,524
don't know how long we'll do this series.

2076
01:14:17,904 --> 01:14:19,744
Certainly through the month of September, that is

2077
01:14:19,744 --> 01:14:20,404
the plan,

2078
01:14:20,704 --> 01:14:23,585
of getting started with your power exchange. Does

2079
01:14:23,585 --> 01:14:25,425
it feel like a lot? It is. It

2080
01:14:25,425 --> 01:14:26,725
it really is.

2081
01:14:27,664 --> 01:14:30,189
It can be broken down into steps. Mhmm.

2082
01:14:30,189 --> 01:14:32,189
You I'm I'm begging you to take your

2083
01:14:32,189 --> 01:14:32,689
time.

2084
01:14:33,310 --> 01:14:35,090
I'm begging you to take your time.

2085
01:14:35,710 --> 01:14:37,710
Make sure you actually like this person you're

2086
01:14:37,710 --> 01:14:39,649
trying to power exchange with.

2087
01:14:40,270 --> 01:14:43,149
That helps. And start with the fun stuff

2088
01:14:43,149 --> 01:14:45,295
that you like, both mutually are like, yeah.

2089
01:14:45,295 --> 01:14:47,935
That's super exciting. Yeah. Take some of the

2090
01:14:47,935 --> 01:14:49,155
pressure off some.

2091
01:14:49,854 --> 01:14:51,694
And, yeah, just get ready to communicate your

2092
01:14:51,694 --> 01:14:53,314
fucking heart out. Oh my god.

2093
01:14:53,935 --> 01:14:54,835
Oh my god.

2094
01:14:55,295 --> 01:14:56,354
We have gotten

2095
01:14:56,734 --> 01:14:58,699
so good. I don't know if good is

2096
01:14:58,760 --> 01:15:01,739
the I say, like, not even relationship stuff,

2097
01:15:01,800 --> 01:15:04,039
just life stuff. I say to JB that

2098
01:15:04,039 --> 01:15:06,840
I have never said this man knows more

2099
01:15:06,840 --> 01:15:09,100
about the things I do in a bathroom

2100
01:15:09,800 --> 01:15:11,719
than any other human being has ever known

2101
01:15:11,719 --> 01:15:12,619
about me.

2102
01:15:13,215 --> 01:15:15,534
I know all of those intimate details about

2103
01:15:15,534 --> 01:15:18,175
him Right. Because we've gotten so comfortable with

2104
01:15:18,175 --> 01:15:21,295
just telling each other things that I realized

2105
01:15:21,295 --> 01:15:23,295
after the fact, I was like, why did

2106
01:15:23,295 --> 01:15:25,074
I say that out loud?

2107
01:15:25,860 --> 01:15:27,780
Why did I feel like that was the

2108
01:15:27,780 --> 01:15:28,840
detail to communicate?

2109
01:15:29,780 --> 01:15:31,699
And then because he didn't bat an eye,

2110
01:15:31,699 --> 01:15:33,140
he was like, oh, okay. Just took it

2111
01:15:33,140 --> 01:15:35,380
in and then started sharing some details with

2112
01:15:35,380 --> 01:15:37,079
me. We just kept it going.

2113
01:15:37,875 --> 01:15:39,234
Does that mean that you could go too

2114
01:15:39,234 --> 01:15:39,974
far? Probably.

2115
01:15:42,594 --> 01:15:43,795
So, yeah, that's

2116
01:15:45,234 --> 01:15:46,835
but like I said, on our website, we

2117
01:15:46,835 --> 01:15:49,259
have we have pages for newbies Yeah. With

2118
01:15:49,259 --> 01:15:49,456
a lot more links than we've included in

2119
01:15:49,456 --> 01:15:50,054
the places. So if you

2120
01:15:50,914 --> 01:15:51,239
are

2121
01:15:53,320 --> 01:15:55,180
figuring this out and trying to get started

2122
01:15:55,480 --> 01:15:57,720
Yeah. Hopefully that will help. Mhmm. A lot

2123
01:15:57,720 --> 01:15:59,739
of good stuff there. I hope so. 409

2124
01:16:00,199 --> 01:16:02,680
episodes worth. Just saying. Yeah. Just saying. So

2125
01:16:02,680 --> 01:16:03,880
I guess we need to be done now

2126
01:16:03,880 --> 01:16:06,045
and do a bonus section. Okay. So,

2127
01:16:06,345 --> 01:16:07,244
are we good?

2128
01:16:08,505 --> 01:16:09,564
I don't know.

2129
01:16:10,104 --> 01:16:11,965
I don't I really don't know.

2130
01:16:13,305 --> 01:16:14,984
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you

2131
01:16:14,984 --> 01:16:15,805
next week.

2132
01:16:25,279 --> 01:16:25,779
Daddy.

2133
01:16:26,399 --> 01:16:27,619
Yes, baby girl.

2134
01:16:28,000 --> 01:16:29,300
Can we talk to the crickets?

2135
01:16:31,679 --> 01:16:32,179
Yes.

2136
01:16:32,479 --> 01:16:32,979
Yay.

2137
01:16:35,844 --> 01:16:36,344
Yay.

2138
01:16:36,804 --> 01:16:37,784
What have we got?

2139
01:16:38,324 --> 01:16:39,685
You said you had all kinds of stuff

2140
01:16:39,685 --> 01:16:40,965
you were waiting to talk about and we

2141
01:16:40,965 --> 01:16:42,404
got and then here we are. I don't

2142
01:16:42,404 --> 01:16:44,164
remember any of it. Can't remember any of

2143
01:16:44,164 --> 01:16:45,545
it. You need to make notes.

2144
01:16:46,005 --> 01:16:48,024
Oh, God. I make notes on everything.

2145
01:16:50,219 --> 01:16:53,020
The 14 year old officially god. We're so

2146
01:16:53,020 --> 01:16:54,779
late. I don't know if I should be,

2147
01:16:54,779 --> 01:16:55,279
like,

2148
01:16:55,819 --> 01:16:58,319
like, amused or embarrassed. I haven't decided.

2149
01:16:59,020 --> 01:17:01,515
The 14 year old who is 6 fucking

2150
01:17:01,515 --> 01:17:03,194
days away from me and the 15 year

2151
01:17:03,194 --> 01:17:04,335
old Yes.

2152
01:17:05,194 --> 01:17:06,414
Officially starts,

2153
01:17:06,954 --> 01:17:09,375
9th grade tomorrow, September 5th.

2154
01:17:11,675 --> 01:17:14,960
He's got multiple different pieces of curriculum coming.

2155
01:17:14,960 --> 01:17:15,460
He's

2156
01:17:16,560 --> 01:17:18,640
he is you know what? He's not excited

2157
01:17:18,640 --> 01:17:19,699
because he's he's

2158
01:17:20,159 --> 01:17:23,199
not traditionally a school I was a school

2159
01:17:23,199 --> 01:17:24,420
kid who was like,

2160
01:17:25,280 --> 01:17:27,119
please let me do school. I'm good at

2161
01:17:27,119 --> 01:17:28,739
it. I fucking love it.

2162
01:17:29,454 --> 01:17:31,055
I thought I wanted to be a teacher

2163
01:17:31,055 --> 01:17:33,215
for years, not because I wanted to to

2164
01:17:33,215 --> 01:17:33,715
educate,

2165
01:17:34,255 --> 01:17:36,675
today's youth. I wanted to grade papers.

2166
01:17:37,935 --> 01:17:40,095
And then I learned that the curriculum he's

2167
01:17:40,095 --> 01:17:41,614
gonna be using for, like, some of his

2168
01:17:41,614 --> 01:17:44,000
core subjects this year, I have to actually

2169
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:47,119
grade papers, and I got super excited about

2170
01:17:47,119 --> 01:17:48,979
it. I'm such a nerd. Mhmm.

2171
01:17:50,399 --> 01:17:52,560
So he's not dreading it like he usually

2172
01:17:52,560 --> 01:17:55,119
does. He's not resisting it. I've been easing

2173
01:17:55,119 --> 01:17:58,180
him into these things. Mhmm. Today was the

2174
01:17:58,324 --> 01:18:00,645
log in to this system and start clicking

2175
01:18:00,645 --> 01:18:02,505
around so you know where things are.

2176
01:18:04,005 --> 01:18:05,225
So, yeah, that's happening.

2177
01:18:06,324 --> 01:18:08,485
I told the 9 I reminded the 19

2178
01:18:08,485 --> 01:18:10,725
year old that his brother was turning 15,

2179
01:18:10,725 --> 01:18:11,925
and he went, no. He's not for, like,

2180
01:18:11,925 --> 01:18:13,680
5 minutes. He's like, no. He's not. He's

2181
01:18:13,680 --> 01:18:15,619
not that old. No. He's not. I'm like,

2182
01:18:16,000 --> 01:18:17,680
dude. Yeah. The fuck he is. Yeah. He

2183
01:18:17,680 --> 01:18:19,699
is. Yeah. The fuck he is.

2184
01:18:20,479 --> 01:18:20,979
So

2185
01:18:22,159 --> 01:18:22,659
yeah.

2186
01:18:23,600 --> 01:18:24,659
So that's happening.

2187
01:18:25,520 --> 01:18:26,420
We are planning

2188
01:18:27,104 --> 01:18:28,465
what we're doing for his birthday. We do

2189
01:18:28,465 --> 01:18:30,784
very low key birthdays. Yeah. You know, part

2190
01:18:30,784 --> 01:18:31,585
of it is,

2191
01:18:32,064 --> 01:18:33,505
we are not the type of people to,

2192
01:18:33,505 --> 01:18:34,005
like,

2193
01:18:34,385 --> 01:18:37,744
do, like, loud, big Big. Crazy things. But,

2194
01:18:37,744 --> 01:18:39,425
also, you know, like, budgets are small. So

2195
01:18:39,425 --> 01:18:41,279
the kids like, I would like chocolate cake,

2196
01:18:41,359 --> 01:18:44,079
chocolate frosting. I'm like, can do. Done. And

2197
01:18:44,079 --> 01:18:46,399
we think we think for his special birthday

2198
01:18:46,399 --> 01:18:48,639
dinner, it might be Popeye's. And I'm not

2199
01:18:48,639 --> 01:18:50,479
mad about it because I hadn't had Popeye's

2200
01:18:50,479 --> 01:18:52,639
in any way. If it's what he wants

2201
01:18:52,960 --> 01:18:54,960
Yes. You know? Yes. If it's what he

2202
01:18:54,960 --> 01:18:55,460
wants.

2203
01:18:56,114 --> 01:18:57,795
So yeah. And we've gotta, like, actually get

2204
01:18:57,795 --> 01:18:59,635
his gift, which can't say anything because child

2205
01:18:59,635 --> 01:19:00,755
is in the house and you never know

2206
01:19:00,755 --> 01:19:02,675
where they're standing. And so we have picked

2207
01:19:02,675 --> 01:19:04,034
out the gift. We just have to purchase

2208
01:19:04,034 --> 01:19:04,534
it.

2209
01:19:07,074 --> 01:19:09,314
Probably do that maybe tomorrow or the next

2210
01:19:09,314 --> 01:19:11,475
night. Oh, yeah. Yeah. See how that goes.

2211
01:19:11,475 --> 01:19:13,850
I know. The we're gonna see we're gonna

2212
01:19:13,850 --> 01:19:16,329
see the 19 year old this weekend because

2213
01:19:16,329 --> 01:19:18,729
he needs groceries again. Yeah. And we need

2214
01:19:18,729 --> 01:19:20,270
to go to Walmart for him.

2215
01:19:21,050 --> 01:19:23,609
So, that's happening. He eats like a damn

2216
01:19:23,609 --> 01:19:26,090
college student. Jeez. Well, he needs to eat

2217
01:19:26,090 --> 01:19:28,715
more like a damn college student. Yeah.

2218
01:19:29,255 --> 01:19:30,395
Because he is

2219
01:19:31,015 --> 01:19:34,554
not a strapping young man by any stretch.

2220
01:19:35,094 --> 01:19:37,175
He's got the form of ADHD where he

2221
01:19:37,175 --> 01:19:40,149
does literally forget to eat. Yeah. Can't imagine.

2222
01:19:40,149 --> 01:19:41,530
Could not be me. Me either.

2223
01:19:42,869 --> 01:19:43,770
So, yeah,

2224
01:19:44,149 --> 01:19:44,890
not having

2225
01:19:45,510 --> 01:19:47,909
a parental figure to go, it's time to

2226
01:19:47,909 --> 01:19:49,289
eat. Here is the food.

2227
01:19:49,670 --> 01:19:51,130
He yeah. Food served.

2228
01:19:52,390 --> 01:19:55,295
Lola is doing much better. Yes. Her eye

2229
01:19:55,295 --> 01:19:58,515
looks almost completely normal Yeah. Now. Mhmm.

2230
01:20:01,215 --> 01:20:03,695
She was she was like a fussy toddler

2231
01:20:03,695 --> 01:20:05,970
for a little bit there during during this

2232
01:20:05,970 --> 01:20:08,050
episode. Mhmm. Did we figure out what her

2233
01:20:08,050 --> 01:20:09,810
issue was? What she wanted? What did she

2234
01:20:09,810 --> 01:20:11,090
want? She wanted to go in the other

2235
01:20:11,090 --> 01:20:12,530
room. She wanted to get a drink. And

2236
01:20:12,530 --> 01:20:14,050
when she was done drinking, she wanted to

2237
01:20:14,050 --> 01:20:15,110
come back in.

2238
01:20:15,810 --> 01:20:18,369
Because I heard her in her bowl from

2239
01:20:18,369 --> 01:20:20,630
here. Lord, that's our girl.

2240
01:20:21,074 --> 01:20:21,574
Mhmm.

2241
01:20:29,235 --> 01:20:31,155
I could complain about things, but I don't

2242
01:20:31,155 --> 01:20:31,815
know any

2243
01:20:32,195 --> 01:20:34,649
anybody feels up for for me. I want

2244
01:20:34,649 --> 01:20:36,849
to complain about the Internet, but also Yeah.

2245
01:20:37,050 --> 01:20:39,770
We have a livelihood because of the Internet.

2246
01:20:39,770 --> 01:20:41,130
So, like, I I you gotta

2247
01:20:41,770 --> 01:20:42,270
Yeah.

2248
01:20:42,890 --> 01:20:44,590
Yeah. You take the good with the bad.

2249
01:20:45,050 --> 01:20:46,670
So both That's okay.

2250
01:20:47,130 --> 01:20:49,414
Go ahead. I I was gonna say that,

2251
01:20:49,414 --> 01:20:49,994
you know,

2252
01:20:50,694 --> 01:20:51,594
the certain

2253
01:20:52,135 --> 01:20:52,635
comment

2254
01:20:53,335 --> 01:20:54,314
and Which one?

2255
01:20:55,175 --> 01:20:56,074
And conversation

2256
01:20:56,694 --> 01:20:58,954
that was being had most recent.

2257
01:20:59,335 --> 01:21:00,854
I'm not gonna talk about it right here

2258
01:21:00,854 --> 01:21:01,994
and right now yet,

2259
01:21:02,560 --> 01:21:04,079
but I had some thoughts about that. I

2260
01:21:04,079 --> 01:21:05,760
wanna talk to you about it later. So

2261
01:21:05,760 --> 01:21:08,020
just as a general overview, both

2262
01:21:09,199 --> 01:21:11,779
stuff we've posted to the kinkery on Instagram

2263
01:21:12,000 --> 01:21:14,640
and stuff posted to that fucking handle I

2264
01:21:14,640 --> 01:21:16,505
hate on Instagram, loving d s and the

2265
01:21:16,505 --> 01:21:17,324
number 1,

2266
01:21:19,465 --> 01:21:21,704
have been picked up by the Internet. And

2267
01:21:21,704 --> 01:21:23,465
when it's on the kink side of the

2268
01:21:23,465 --> 01:21:25,385
Internet, it's mostly good. Every once in a

2269
01:21:25,385 --> 01:21:27,305
while, they're like, on one thing that we

2270
01:21:27,305 --> 01:21:28,604
posted, somebody was like,

2271
01:21:29,979 --> 01:21:32,460
oh, it can't it can't be that bad.

2272
01:21:32,460 --> 01:21:34,859
They you know, that person has no pain

2273
01:21:34,859 --> 01:21:36,859
tolerance. And I'm like, come here. Let me

2274
01:21:36,859 --> 01:21:38,699
hit you with this thing, and let's let's

2275
01:21:38,699 --> 01:21:40,219
see what what you do. But I just

2276
01:21:40,219 --> 01:21:41,439
wanna, like, whatever whatever.

2277
01:21:42,139 --> 01:21:45,024
But sometimes some of those things find the

2278
01:21:45,024 --> 01:21:47,585
wrong part of the Internet, the non kink

2279
01:21:47,585 --> 01:21:49,364
side of the Internet. And I

2280
01:21:50,064 --> 01:21:51,364
keep telling myself

2281
01:21:51,664 --> 01:21:52,164
daily.

2282
01:21:52,625 --> 01:21:56,404
The engagement is good, technically. Except the engagement

2283
01:21:56,465 --> 01:21:58,800
seems putting us in front of more non

2284
01:21:58,800 --> 01:21:59,699
kinky folk

2285
01:22:00,079 --> 01:22:02,319
who are not the, hey, this I might

2286
01:22:02,319 --> 01:22:04,500
be into this kind, but more like the,

2287
01:22:05,119 --> 01:22:07,199
why am I seeing this kind? And I'm

2288
01:22:07,199 --> 01:22:10,314
just like, I it's the the things we're

2289
01:22:10,314 --> 01:22:12,814
doing on social media appear to be working,

2290
01:22:13,034 --> 01:22:14,814
but also I'm very tired.

2291
01:22:16,715 --> 01:22:19,755
I am so very tired of and, you

2292
01:22:19,755 --> 01:22:21,114
know, it's one of those things we can't

2293
01:22:21,194 --> 01:22:23,319
like, with the kinkery, I can't ignore comments

2294
01:22:23,319 --> 01:22:26,039
because you get customer questions and comments. Like,

2295
01:22:26,039 --> 01:22:27,800
how does this thing work? What is it

2296
01:22:27,800 --> 01:22:30,039
made of? So I am looking at the

2297
01:22:30,039 --> 01:22:31,260
comments daily,

2298
01:22:31,719 --> 01:22:33,239
like, is there, you know, is there a

2299
01:22:33,239 --> 01:22:35,239
pertinent question that we need to answer for

2300
01:22:35,239 --> 01:22:35,739
folks?

2301
01:22:36,244 --> 01:22:38,824
But it means that I can't get away

2302
01:22:39,284 --> 01:22:41,284
from some parts of the Internet that I

2303
01:22:41,284 --> 01:22:43,305
did not ask to be a part of.

2304
01:22:43,845 --> 01:22:46,885
And I just wanna let everybody know of

2305
01:22:46,885 --> 01:22:49,305
every flavor of what of life.

2306
01:22:50,229 --> 01:22:52,389
If you don't wanna see something in your

2307
01:22:52,389 --> 01:22:55,349
algorithm Yeah. Yeah. Do not ever comment on

2308
01:22:55,349 --> 01:22:57,109
it. Do not send it to a friend

2309
01:22:57,109 --> 01:22:58,550
even if you're going, what the fuck is

2310
01:22:58,550 --> 01:23:00,250
this? Because you have just guaranteed

2311
01:23:00,630 --> 01:23:02,550
that the algorithm is now gonna serve you

2312
01:23:02,550 --> 01:23:03,689
up more of it.

2313
01:23:04,454 --> 01:23:05,755
And the problem is

2314
01:23:06,135 --> 01:23:08,295
I'm not getting into arguments with random people

2315
01:23:08,295 --> 01:23:10,135
on the Internet. That is not my life.

2316
01:23:10,135 --> 01:23:11,675
I'm not built for that shit.

2317
01:23:12,215 --> 01:23:14,054
And yet, every time I wanna go, please

2318
01:23:14,054 --> 01:23:15,114
stop fucking commenting.

2319
01:23:15,414 --> 01:23:17,335
Block us if you need to. Mhmm. I

2320
01:23:17,335 --> 01:23:18,829
don't give a fuck.

2321
01:23:20,090 --> 01:23:24,090
It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

2322
01:23:24,090 --> 01:23:26,090
It's fine. I've you know, in all of

2323
01:23:26,090 --> 01:23:27,069
this with with

2324
01:23:27,449 --> 01:23:30,250
content being picked up by the Instagram algorithm,

2325
01:23:30,250 --> 01:23:32,975
I've only been called fat one time. So

2326
01:23:32,975 --> 01:23:34,515
I'm gonna call that a win.

2327
01:23:36,335 --> 01:23:39,854
Only once. And and I had somebody jump

2328
01:23:39,854 --> 01:23:41,475
in to defend. So

2329
01:23:42,185 --> 01:23:42,685
okay.

2330
01:23:43,270 --> 01:23:44,789
Not about me personally, like, they knew me

2331
01:23:44,789 --> 01:23:46,949
personally, but they did absolutely take offense to

2332
01:23:46,949 --> 01:23:48,949
the the comment that was made. And I

2333
01:23:48,949 --> 01:23:50,949
I was like, okay. Thank you. I appreciate

2334
01:23:50,949 --> 01:23:51,449
that.

2335
01:23:52,229 --> 01:23:52,729
So

2336
01:23:53,590 --> 01:23:54,090
yeah.

2337
01:23:55,429 --> 01:23:57,350
I like this part of the Internet where

2338
01:23:57,350 --> 01:23:59,454
we're talking into our microphones and looking at

2339
01:23:59,454 --> 01:24:01,154
a camera and post a podcast.

2340
01:24:02,494 --> 01:24:05,055
Oh, man. Those social media parts of the

2341
01:24:05,055 --> 01:24:06,675
Internet. I could just I know.

2342
01:24:07,055 --> 01:24:08,744
I could just do without it. I could

2343
01:24:08,744 --> 01:24:09,795
just What are you gonna

2344
01:24:10,494 --> 01:24:10,994
do?

2345
01:24:14,430 --> 01:24:14,930
Do?

2346
01:24:17,390 --> 01:24:20,590
Anything else? We had we had a good

2347
01:24:20,590 --> 01:24:23,329
Labor Day from a business perspective. Yeah.

2348
01:24:24,109 --> 01:24:26,430
The Kingery had a sale, and apparently, folks

2349
01:24:26,430 --> 01:24:28,244
were as excited about it as we were.

2350
01:24:30,965 --> 01:24:32,425
And that was that was wonderful.

2351
01:24:34,965 --> 01:24:35,784
I had

2352
01:24:36,284 --> 01:24:36,784
to

2353
01:24:37,524 --> 01:24:39,125
so I'm I'm at that point where I'm

2354
01:24:39,125 --> 01:24:41,364
energized by being here. Yeah. And so I

2355
01:24:41,364 --> 01:24:44,729
want to continue being here, but I don't

2356
01:24:44,729 --> 01:24:45,710
have anything

2357
01:24:47,050 --> 01:24:47,789
to really

2358
01:24:48,090 --> 01:24:48,590
say.

2359
01:24:51,929 --> 01:24:53,309
And yet I don't actually

2360
01:24:53,770 --> 01:24:54,829
want to stop

2361
01:24:55,369 --> 01:24:56,590
talking. Yeah.

2362
01:24:57,734 --> 01:25:00,054
I know. But it's, I know. It's getting

2363
01:25:00,054 --> 01:25:02,135
late. It's almost 8:30 our time. I know.

2364
01:25:02,135 --> 01:25:02,635
Mhmm.

2365
01:25:02,935 --> 01:25:05,175
And, I'm ready to be done with the

2366
01:25:05,175 --> 01:25:07,094
day and I know. I'm ready to take

2367
01:25:07,094 --> 01:25:09,574
my bra off, quite frankly. I'm here with

2368
01:25:09,574 --> 01:25:10,954
y'all in a bra.

2369
01:25:11,510 --> 01:25:14,150
You're welcome. And tomorrow is a non walking

2370
01:25:14,150 --> 01:25:14,650
day.

2371
01:25:15,030 --> 01:25:16,150
Yeah. So we don't have to walk in

2372
01:25:16,150 --> 01:25:17,270
the dark. Don't have to walk in the

2373
01:25:17,270 --> 01:25:19,909
dark. And, tomorrow, you will be helping me

2374
01:25:19,909 --> 01:25:21,590
in the shop, which I am very happy

2375
01:25:21,590 --> 01:25:23,670
about. We're finally at a point, thank you,

2376
01:25:23,670 --> 01:25:26,070
Labor Day sale, where I can go, here,

2377
01:25:26,070 --> 01:25:28,345
you can have my day. You know? Yeah.

2378
01:25:28,345 --> 01:25:30,425
Let's let's go let's go do shop stuff

2379
01:25:30,425 --> 01:25:32,425
to get dusty and sweaty. I need the

2380
01:25:32,425 --> 01:25:34,265
help right now to reach out. We're coming

2381
01:25:34,265 --> 01:25:36,284
into that part of the year where yeah.

2382
01:25:36,425 --> 01:25:38,185
Can't do it alone anymore. The nice thing

2383
01:25:38,185 --> 01:25:40,445
is is it's much easier to record

2384
01:25:41,800 --> 01:25:43,719
short form video content in when I'm in

2385
01:25:43,719 --> 01:25:45,739
the shop with you because you're, like, doing

2386
01:25:45,800 --> 01:25:48,439
tool things and I'm like, I'm bored. Let

2387
01:25:48,439 --> 01:25:50,619
me pull up my phone and record something.

2388
01:25:53,000 --> 01:25:53,500
So

2389
01:25:55,005 --> 01:25:55,505
yeah.

2390
01:25:56,765 --> 01:25:57,164
So

2391
01:25:59,645 --> 01:26:00,385
But yeah.

2392
01:26:03,244 --> 01:26:05,564
I got I got nothing else even though

2393
01:26:05,564 --> 01:26:07,085
I don't wanna go anywhere, but I we

2394
01:26:07,085 --> 01:26:08,699
need to. I would I would also like

2395
01:26:08,940 --> 01:26:10,479
like you. I'd like to put the day

2396
01:26:10,860 --> 01:26:12,400
to rest, call it done.

2397
01:26:13,100 --> 01:26:13,600
Yep.

2398
01:26:14,060 --> 01:26:15,900
But I love being here with y'all. I

2399
01:26:15,900 --> 01:26:18,780
know. It's yeah. I really do. Mhmm. What

2400
01:26:18,860 --> 01:26:21,265
maybe one of these days, I'll, like, I

2401
01:26:21,265 --> 01:26:23,185
really will just livestream and and I'll be

2402
01:26:23,185 --> 01:26:25,185
background noise for y'all. Y'all can just be

2403
01:26:25,185 --> 01:26:27,105
back. You'll you'll just randomly pop up and

2404
01:26:27,425 --> 01:26:29,025
And I'll just be working. We'll just y'all

2405
01:26:29,025 --> 01:26:30,305
stare at me while I'm working, I guess.

2406
01:26:30,305 --> 01:26:31,025
I don't know.

2407
01:26:31,505 --> 01:26:33,289
Y'all will learn how much I talk to

2408
01:26:33,289 --> 01:26:33,789
myself.

2409
01:26:35,050 --> 01:26:38,506
I talk to myself so much. Oh, boy.

2410
01:26:38,506 --> 01:26:38,938
Anyway

2411
01:26:39,369 --> 01:26:41,470
Anyway. We are gonna go. Yep.

2412
01:26:42,250 --> 01:26:44,489
Thank you for joining us and and being

2413
01:26:44,489 --> 01:26:47,795
here with us through this, chaotic madness. Especially

2414
01:26:47,795 --> 01:26:49,175
to the bitter end. Yeah.

2415
01:26:49,795 --> 01:26:51,875
We're gonna we've got several topics lined up

2416
01:26:51,875 --> 01:26:53,635
for this series, but if there are some,

2417
01:26:53,635 --> 01:26:55,734
like, beginner level, like,

2418
01:26:56,274 --> 01:26:58,755
entry level questions or topics that you're like,

2419
01:26:58,755 --> 01:27:00,195
man, I wish more people talked about this,

2420
01:27:00,195 --> 01:27:02,034
feel free to, like, slip those in the

2421
01:27:02,034 --> 01:27:03,289
comments contact page on our website. It might

2422
01:27:03,289 --> 01:27:04,500
be something we're already gonna do, or it

2423
01:27:04,500 --> 01:27:05,283
might be something we can incorporate. We're happy

2424
01:27:05,283 --> 01:27:07,004
to do it. Yep. Yep. Yep. So yeah.

2425
01:27:07,004 --> 01:27:08,350
Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah.

2426
01:27:14,139 --> 01:27:17,019
Okay. Okay. Alright. Okay. Alright. Bye. Is it

2427
01:27:17,019 --> 01:27:17,519
good?

2428
01:27:17,899 --> 01:27:18,799
Yep. Bye.