You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode
408. Kayla Lourdes here with the one, the
only, the I'm so glad you're super indulgent
of me, John Brownstone. I try. Sometimes. Yep.
Yeah. Sometimes without going too far in one
direction. You have to maintain the balance of
indulgence. I know.
I guess in a way, we are maybe
talking about that a little bit
because this week, we're celebrating our podcast anniversary
a week late because what even are dates
and numbers? Please, why have I been put
in charge of them? Because I don't know
them and I forget them. You maintain the
online calendar. I I do.
That doesn't mean I know what's on it.
See, here's what happens. I take the information
temporarily stored in my brain for a date
or a time and I put it someplace,
by putting it someplace, it leaves my mind.
It's no longer there.
It doesn't take up real estate. Yeah. No.
Gotcha. So just saying. Anyway,
actually,
what we think maybe we're gonna try to
talk about is the stuff we've kinda figured
out, discovered, learned,
come to realize,
after 9 years of
requiring ourselves to talk about power exchange
nearly every week of our lives.
Yeah.
Welcome to the Living BDSM podcast. If this
is your first time listening, glad to have
you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Living BDSM is produced every Monday Friday
for your kinky pleasure and education, and show
notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add
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can also follow the show on Fetlife at
lovingbdsmpc
on Instagram and threads. With that handle, I
will forever motherfucking
hate.
And that is loving
d s. I'm the number one because does
that sound right to anybody? Because it's not.
But it's loving d s Girl. 1. Anyway,
or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving
BDSM, where you can watch us live stream
the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in
the show notes.
A big thanks as always to our kinky
patrons over on Patreon, including our newest peeps,
but also a special shout out to, like,
the handful that have been there since nearly
the beginning, like, the 2015,
2016
time frame.
Yeah. We see all of you. We love
all of you. But, oh, oh, the OGs.
How?
Why? But also how.
Anyway,
we have been able to continue being weirdos
on the Internet for all this time
in large part because of our Patreon community,
and we're grateful for everyone there. I don't
care if you've been there 5 minutes or
9 years.
If you would like to join our Kiki
community
and get access to extra content and a
discord server, you can do that. Just join
us at patreon.com/kayla
lords. That's patreon.com/kayla
lords or use the link in the show
notes.
And looking and breathing and being. The pocket
listeners are like, what the fuck is this?
Good stuff that you should be doing. Yeah.
No. I get it. It's fine. It's fine.
Okay.
Before we get into
what will probably be
a a rambly,
off the wall,
whatever whatever kind of week. I don't I
don't even have the words for it. Let's
do announcements. The first one,
this episode
is the episode we probably should have done
last week,
to actually celebrate our podcast anniversary.
August 15th is our anniversary
somehow.
I think almost every year. I think 17th.
This year, I thought 19th. I knew there
was a one. I knew we were in
the teens.
Yeah.
August 15,
2015,
this podcast began. It began with me and
a shaky little voice
and a
tightly written script
that I actually followed. Oh, how far we've
come or how far we've
sunk. I
don't
know. And here we are now. We started
the podcast thinking
JB will only have to edit it. It
will be audio only. 10. Yep. I will
only talk
for 5, 10, maybe 15 minutes.
Feel free. Go ahead. Laugh. Just don't make
your sick self sick laughing. That's that's no
fun for anybody.
So here we are. So that's what we're
doing this week, and it is belated. It
should have been last week's
celebration.
Last year and in previous years, we did
big giveaways. That did not happen this year.
There was another year or 2 where it
didn't happen when we were in the middle
of high stress moments. We we just didn't
have it in us. This is a different
kind of personal moment where we don't have
it in us.
But next year is 10 years. Yeah. I
will do my absolute best to both remember
and to make it big. So,
yeah. And and as a way to celebrate,
we are once again sponsoring we,
through our loving BDSM Etsy shop.
All of our digital products. That's workbooks. That's
planner sheets. That's habit trackers.
That kind of stuff is for like submissive
training and stuff like that. All of that's
50% off for the rest of the month
of August. Why is that on sale? Because
every bit of that has been something that
has come from things we have figured out
through the recording of all these damn podcast
episodes. So, yay.
If you,
are
still new to power exchange and being a
kingster, we recommend 30 days of d s.
If and that could be new as a
brand new kingster or in a new power
exchange. It's 30 different days of prompts, questions,
topics to think about to break up
the drinking from a fire hose feeling of
getting your arms around the idea of power
exchange. That's 30 days of DS. 30 days
of DS volume 2 is for the people
who are in established,
Power Exchange relationships
or who have been, like, living their kink
life for a while. And it talks about
the stuff that you usually don't see in
BDSM 101 or the DS 101 kind of
stuff. It's the it's the more nuanced things
that you might go through in Power Exchange.
Same format,
30 different days of prompts,
questions, whatever. You can if you're single or
you just wanna do it solo, you can
use it as a journal prompt.
If you wanna do it with a partner,
it's conversation starters. We had somebody ask if
they could bring up the topics in their,
like, monthly munch. I was like, yeah. Just,
like, get
a shout out our little workbook there for
anybody who wants it for themselves. Thank you.
So there's that. And then we have d
s and distance.
Workbook
we made
last year
specifically to help people who are in long
distance power exchange
figure out the mechanics of how do we
communicate,
how do we set a routine, how do
we plan for visits, how do we get
ourselves to where maybe we move in together
or move into the same town together.
So
all of those are 50% off.
Our planner sheets are, like, habit trackers and
daily to dos for submissives who are trying
to wrap their mind around all these new
things they do for their dom. And then
we have a dom version so they can
actually track
is there submissive doing the thing that they
said they would do.
So that's all available on our Etsy shop.
It's all 50% off
through the whole month of August or the
rest of the month of August, I should
say. Feel free. Go forward. Have a good
time.
Ta da.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Now
we can actually get into the topic. Oh,
thank you to us for sponsoring us. Mhmm.
Yes. Mhmm. Mhmm. Did I miss an announcement?
No. Okay. I don't believe so. I think
that's everything.
In my anticipatory
submission, we've had that talk that conversation before.
I thought you were going to say something.
I'm learning I'm usually wrong about that more
often than not these days.
And my brain was like, he's gonna tell
me I'm I'm missing a detail, but no.
No. And that is why
anticipatory
submission is is flawed. It's it's imperfect. I
still try it, but it's okay.
Okay.
So
9 years of podcasting. Now, clearly, we do
not podcast every single week because we take
breaks. Mhmm. There's been illnesses. There's been family
emergencies. Right. So I'm not gonna say 9
years times 52 weeks. Yeah. Yeah. No. Mm-mm.
But this week's episode is
episode 408
of our long form weekly episodes.
And then I think we're around the 60
plus mark on any shorter episodes we've ever
done. That's all that's a lot of talking
about power
exchange. It is.
And so I'm gonna throw it to you
first. Oh gosh.
What is a thing that you have figured
out
in the course of all of this? Big,
small, doesn't
matter. I I think one of the things
that I I learned
from all this
prior to us talking about
DS on a regular, you know, on a
regular basis and it
being
so
entwined in our lives.
There was a time
I used to think that,
you progressed in DS, it was like a
linear
Like levels? Yeah.
Gotcha. And and it's not.
No. It's not.
It's not. It's not. It's not.
You know, because it's it's it's not linear
because you can there there's so many different
things you can
do. Mhmm. Mhmm. Alright?
And and you can,
you know, bring in what interests you and
what doesn't, you know, just, you know And
you might think something is interesting, and then
you try it and you go, oh, I
don't like this. Toss that out, and then
bring in something else that's new. Mhmm. Yeah.
Mhmm.
You know, but,
you know, and and definitely, you know, trying
thing new things.
Mhmm. You know?
And,
at least once, maybe twice,
and 3rd time's a charm. Yeah. I mean,
if by the 3rd time, we're not feeling
it, or at least one of us isn't
feeling it Right.
It it we need to move on. Yeah.
We're done here.
You know, so it's,
it it's been an interesting trip
Yeah. To say the least. I think I've
discovered and most of this isn't really about
us talking about it. It's about people listening
in on the conversations.
And it's a thing I've known to be
true, but sometimes you need the reminder, and
that is you are never ever ever ever
ever, ever, for never ever the only person
going through a thing that you're going through.
That's true. So there are times
well, see, because I second guess and doubt
myself all the time. I don't I don't
know if that comes across, but it's very
true.
Where I'll be like, oh my god. We're
talking about this super
niche thing that's like it's probably only us
because we're 2 weirdos with an Internet connection.
And then I get the message or, you
know, the DM or the response, and somebody's
like, oh my god. I've been there. Oh
my god. And this other way I'm going
through that too.
And
nothing you know, there are many things that
I think keep me grounded, probably keep us
grounded.
But that reminder
about
the
we are all unique and special in our
own way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But also some
things are just super common, and it's easy
to forget that when you're in the middle
of living it. And you're you're like, this
is my life and and my bubble, and
and all I know is is this and
my experience.
You know, certainly, I'm the only one, and
you're never the only one, which is a
good reminder to have. It's also it can
be a little humbling because sometimes you're thinking
you're the only one because you're that special.
Again, we're all unique and special in our
own ways. Yeah. Yeah. But
also, more things,
even in and especially in kink and power
exchange,
I don't like to say things are universal
because we're we all have a different experience
with things, but there's a lot lot more
commonality.
You know? Mhmm. It might not be the
exact
physical thing that you do or the exact
conversation you have, but it will be the
feeling
of of how that thing made you feel.
And sometimes it's that super niche thing you
did, and you're like, nobody else was doing
this. And then I'll get 4 DMs from
different people going, oh my god. Been there.
Mhmm. Okay. I'm not alone in the universe.
Thank you. No.
So
what else?
What else?
Oddly enough, it's it's a very
simple thing, but it's important.
I think from doing the podcast, I realized
how important
it is to,
you know, on either side of the slash,
have empathy.
Yeah. Sure. Okay. I I think that's extremely
important
And,
you know, because,
you know, let's face it, what what we
do is a lot of fun,
you know, and sometimes it can be intense.
And, you need to be able to,
you know,
be on the other side of that too.
Yeah. And I think that's
in scene and in the relationship.
And I think that does work on both
sides of the slash because
I find myself
when I get stuck in my own, like,
my own misery, my own annoyance, my own
crankiness,
thinking that
I'm working harder or I'm doing all of
these things.
And
I it in that moment, and it is
just a blip, it can be easy to
forget that, wait.
But what is JB feeling? And what is
he going through that maybe I'm not considering?
And is it possible for that to be
very one-sided and that's a bad a bad
situation in a relationship? Of course. But
we have learned, I think, through all just
just so many fucking conversations about our own
relationship Yeah. That we are each feeling the
same way. Like, the thing I I don't
ever doubt, oh, would JB feel the same
way? Does he forget think that for a
moment he's doing all of the hard work
around here or he's the only one miserable
and not remembering to to have empathy for
what maybe I'm going through. Or or if
I have forgotten a task, is he immediately
getting pissed? No. He's probably
you know?
I think you and I have had this
conversation where some the recent weeks where you,
like, try to find the balance between I'm
empathetic to the fact that you could not
do that task versus Mhmm. But now, you
know, how do I handle it Right. So
I'm not creating a habit? So, like, if
there were not so many examples
of your empathy towards me and your understanding
Mhmm. Of what maybe I'm going through and
that sort of
Happy to be. This is the side of
the slash I wanna be on. Happy to
be.
This is the side of the slash I
wanna be on, but I am,
a cranky
bitch sometimes who will be at the sink
washing a cup going well. I'm the one
who's doing all the
I'm not. We're a team. I know that.
But in that moment, you just feel, you
know, poor pitiful me who has to do
everything.
And I know JB's had that moment too
where he you're just doing a lot. Maybe
you're stressed or maybe you're frustrated by something
or
so, yeah, it it it absolutely happens where
sometimes there's muttering under the breath about how
hard you work as an individual
because you've forgotten your empathy for your partner
for a second. Yeah. As long as it's
temporary, I think it's okay.
Mhmm.
So we've talked about this many times,
but the fact that we we do this
Yeah. All the damn time,
I am
much more in tune
with whether we are
connecting well or not.
Yeah.
Like, I I mean, I think anybody in
a long term relationship, you're you can tell
the vibe usually. Like, you know what your
baseline is, and you can eventually get to
that point where you're like, something's off here.
Unless
we're just putting out fires left, right, and
center, which sometimes that happens in life and
you just can't focus on one another.
I'm within
probably a 12 hour period of knowing when
the disconnect has occurred.
Now early days,
not even that early, like, within the past
few years even, that was enough for a
panic. That was enough for, uh-oh, what's wrong?
Not, uh-oh, what's wrong? Our power exchange is
on fire and will never be the same,
but, like,
what is so bad that we're not connected?
And I don't know
if I've just become immune to some of
that or if I'm maturing.
But
these days,
I feel the disconnect.
We talk about the disconnect. Mhmm. Sometimes we
don't feel the disconnect anymore, and sometimes we
just keep on rolling with it. Yeah.
But the panic isn't there because I I
think I've just figured out and this isn't
really the, oh, we podcast about our relationship.
It's more of the just the longevity of
the relationship. You start to recognize that there
are ebbs and flows to even that too.
There are seasons in life where you can
be super into your fuckery, and then there
are seasons of I I will say there
you know,
many times of late, the disconnect
does not bother me Yeah. As much because
I know we always, you know, come back
around. I know. Yeah. Yeah. I I think
when when it when it starts bothering me
is if it
carries on too long. And I think, you
know Then there's then there's I use the
term disconnect, and I think that sounds like
you and I
are somehow, like, not playing on the same
team, not happy with one another. It's really
a disconnect from the power exchange, and and
it's not a full disconnect. It's not like,
oh, it's turned off because
the way we've set up our power exchange,
my rules and routines and tasks are just
baked into my, like, what I do every
day and do not require,
you know, JB to tell me to do
the thing. It is understood that I will
do it. He's gonna say something if I'm
not doing it. Right? And so I always,
unless I'm physically unable to, I always have
that to fall back on. Yeah. And because
you just happen to be a polite human
being,
you,
you know, it might not be in a
a big de dom way, but you acknowledge
the things I do. Right? Yeah. So when
I say I'm disconnected,
it's
I still know that I'm the submissive. I
still know we're in a power exchange, but
I'm not the power exchange doesn't feel quite
as tangible. There's not
the looks. There's not the tone. There's not
the
you know what? And it's I can't even
say it's, oh, he's not asking me to
do anything. Here's how I know when we're
disconnected
or when I'm disconnected.
He'll give me a task,
and I promise you my first thought is
not, oh, yay. I get to be submissive,
dad.
It's like,
oh, fine.
Fine. And, yeah, once I do it, then
I feel that sense of accomplishment that I
personally enjoy.
Mhmm. But, yeah, noticing that
it it doesn't
the the noticing it does not linger. I
notice it immediately because I know we're just
we you kind of have to become
in tune with your relationship if you are
going to bare your soul about your relationship
every fucking week for 9 years. Mhmm.
I'm just I know I'm also a lot
more relaxed about what do we do about
it, because I know ain't nobody going nowhere.
So we can't
neglect that. We can't just act like that
lack of connection doesn't matter. It it matters
very deeply. But I think I I think
I've gotten more pragmatic
that, oh, we'll get this back. We are
both aware.
You know, at this point, you and I,
like, will just kinda look at one another,
or we'll say something real quick. It doesn't
have this have to be this big, deep,
meaningful
conversation
anymore. Because quite frankly, if I need to
talk it out, it'll probably become a topic,
and we will talk it out. Mhmm. Yeah.
On that, for topics,
a a thing that I think we learned
very quickly because we started out as bloggers
who were sharing our kink life
that way.
We learned very quickly
kind of what's off limits, what
what can be an immediate topic. Hey. We're
going through this thing this week,
and what has to
be a distant memory
for it could become a topic. And then
there are some things that just, that's not
for public consumption.
The thing I find the most fascinating about
that is that's never been a fight.
You know, I might ask you, hey. How
do you feel if we talk about this?
And you might veto it immediately, and I'm
not, like, trying to make the case for
it. I'm just like, oh, no. You don't.
And then at this point, I don't think
I've even had to ask. I've gone, yeah.
We're not talking
about that. That's just for us. I mean,
really, if you think about it, over over
the time, there's been very few topics
that that have been vetoed.
It tends to be
the peak stressful,
deep emotion
stuff that's not even really about our power
exchange.
It's just that
because of the way we've structured our power
exchange, everything that happens in our lives
impacts our power exchange. So that means it's
technically
potential fodder for the podcast.
True.
And some of those things just yeah. They
don't
you know? And it's not you know, because
I I have been asked this in the
past. Oh, is it difficult if you don't
agree? No. Part of it is because we
have
always had the strong feeling if we can't
both agree on it, then we just don't
do it. Right. We were like that. We're
like that with every part of our life,
though. We bought this this particular house because
this is the one we could both be
happy with. Right? There was no, I have
to twist your arm and convince you to
to do what I wanna do on either
side. Right? Right.
We're like that about the kinks we try.
We're like that about the way we structure
our power exchange. We're like that about the
content we we create, the businesses we run.
If we're not both
invested
and, like, yeah, sure.
If it's a meh or I don't know
or an I'm uncomfortable, then it's a no
because I don't if I'm doing it with
him, I don't wanna do it with him
unless he's
in it with me. You know what I
mean?
So, yeah, that's that has made
finding topics or figuring out topics,
like, it's it's not even there's no arguing
about it ever. No. There are times where
so when your life
is,
content
and you kinda have that almost everything is
content.
There are times
when we're in the middle of a thing
and my if I have the capacity for
it, my brain
is putting together an episode.
My brain is like, you need to remember
this moment. My brain like a sieve that
doesn't remember shit, including our own podcast anniversary.
Yeah. That brain is like, oh, this is
a really good point being made here. Oh,
this is a lesson learned.
Oh, I wonder if people have thought about
this kind of thing with their power exchange.
No. I'm not
I'm not a completely awful human being. I'm
not taking notes in the middle of
the fucking note.
It's just a it's just a, like, a
sliding thought that's, like,
acknowledging
what I'm what I'm seeing
and then letting it go. And if it's
still in my brain later,
then okay. I'll it'll it'll be in the
outline or something. You know?
But that is that is the other thing.
It's like, yeah, we can be in a
moment and I'll be like,
gosh. A good topic. We haven't talked about
that yet. And, yeah, then some okay. Now
this is me and my
me in in in my brain.
Sometimes
it feels like cheating.
And I don't. I I don't even quite
know why or what that would even mean
because it's like, oh, this thing happened on
Monday.
Let's talk if we're capable of it. Yeah.
Let's talk about it on Wednesday.
And I think some I keep waiting I
guess it's a little bit of my imposter
syndrome. I keep waiting for somebody to go,
how can you have a thing happen on
Monday and it be, you know, thought through
enough to talk about on Wednesday? Well, you
have not been in this brain. I can't
explain how that works to you. But it
it it does feel a little bit like
cheating. Like, I'm I'm groping around the unit
groping. I'm groping the universe. I'm
looking looking around the universe like, what are
we gonna talk about? And then a thing
happens to us. And it feels like cheating.
It feels like, air quote, taking the easy
way out. And
it's not. I know that. But
the mean girl voices in my head
would say otherwise.
So yeah. I mean, but
not everything is content. Not everything is open
for discussion.
But a lot of stuff is.
Yeah. Like, oh, that way that you were
kinda snarky to me, I can make that
a topic this week. Give me a second.
I okay. Let me let me let me
give you a little inside baseball here. Why
do I use sport metaphors? I don't know
about sportball. Anyway,
the other day
was it it was this weekend.
I was working, doing the the doing some
writing. You came before you were going to
do something else. You came and you asked,
is there anything you need? Do you need
a drink? Is there anything I can get
for you? And it was very sweet, and
it was very thoughtful. And I I don't
even remember what I said now. But when
you walked away and I was, mentally procrastinating
for the work I needed to do,
I thought about how
hard it is for me, just I was
thinking of me as the individual, not as
the submissive,
to accept to ask for help.
Mhmm.
And
my mind started because I really didn't wanna
be working on the thing I was working
on. My mind's
the wheel started spinning, and I was like,
is there a topic in there? And that
is the thing I go through a lot.
I'll have a thought about me, and I'll
if I if it feels like it relates
to
being a submissive or how our power exchange
works, I immediately go into,
is there a topic here?
And I think there is. And it's this
idea
about, as a submissive,
finding it hard to ask for my dom
for help, which I have no doubt. There
are doms out there who
have find it difficult to ask their submissive
for help outside of, like, the clearly negotiated,
like, rules and tasks and things,
which is really a broader conversation about finding
it difficult to ask for help.
And so it's sitting in the back burner
of my brain because I'm like, is that
simply the human condition and cannot be
related directly in any way to power exchange?
Like, is it is it a thing that
affects all people everywhere
and does not have a special
impact on power exchange?
And I still haven't figured that out.
But that's a little bit how the topics
will go. Something is happening,
and I'm,
we're getting through it. We're living our life.
I don't stop a conversation to go, wait.
I'm having a thought about how this impacts
me as a submissive and what this means
for our power change. Like, it's it's just
the
the gears are constantly grinding in the back
of my brain. And so you wander off,
and I'm thinking I think what I thought
was, was there something I should have asked
for? And I didn't because I really, really
suck at asking for things. Yeah. Case in
point, this man got up today to go
get himself some water. We are right next
to the kitchen. I can hear every sound.
I know what that sound is. I desperately
wanted water.
If he had walked back in and I
had said, hey, daddy. Would you mind? You
know, I'm working on something. Do you mind
getting me water?
He probably would have done it. I'm not
gonna speak for you. I don't know which
mindset was it, but he probably would have
done it. But my brain went, no. He's
already in there. By the time he walks
back in, he's done. That would be inconvenient
to him. And so I and then because
I'm really weird, I waited for him to
come in back to the office before I
got up to go get water. Now, why
I did that? I don't know. I could
have just gotten up when I thought about
it. I could've just asked him.
We could've been smooch smooshing over the, water
cooler. You know? Oh, no. I get too
frustrated with that thing.
So,
yes, everything is content, but no, not everything
is content. Yeah. Okay. What's the thing for
you?
I I think
because of of doing the the podcast for
so long,
I have,
kept an eye
on the community
Mhmm. More than I think I would have
otherwise.
Mhmm. Okay?
And
I love how
DS has evolved
over the years, how it has grown,
And I see
the young people
coming into the community,
and
they are
taking things
and making it their own.
You know, and just as, you know, from
from old guard to high protocol
to, you know, to to this to that
to all the different modalities
of
of of BDSM,
you know, these these young people now,
because
while it's while while what we do is
not
fully,
you know, accepted by society Sure. It it
is more out there. They
have the ability
to to learn things
at a much younger age. Mhmm. I mean,
you know, I I
because of what happened with myself,
you know, because I was doing these things
not knowing other people were doing them, and
oh my gosh. I'm a I'm a weird
motherfucker.
I mean, you are, but but not in
the way you were thinking.
Right. You know,
and and and they have
the ability now to to gleam from
Lola agrees. Yeah. To, you know, to to
glean from past experiences
now of of of folks in the community
between blogs, between
podcasts, YouTube channels, you know, places like Fetlife,
you know, and they can absorb this at
a much younger age and,
you know, just just carry on and and
do and be.
Yes. And I think that that is an
amazing and and wonderful thing.
And and yet
Lola agrees. And yet,
if you were, and I am one of
these people, so I'm not trying to insult
anybody when it says when if you are
chronically online,
you will absolutely still see
there's still there
the thing that's never gone away, it's just
transformed,
is the judgment.
There's
Yeah. Yeah. I have a love hate with
Twitter. I don't post on it because it's
just a cesspool, but also I can't I
can't stop looking.
And
some of the things I see are
these sort of knee jerk
superficial
reactions of, oh, that's gross. I don't understand
it, so therefore, I don't like it. Well,
that kind of reaction's always existed. Quite frankly,
the difference
is outside of the
call the police, get the divorce, lose custody,
lose your job, those kinds of things that
happened
before, and they definitely still happen now.
The online world means that
everybody
has an opinion and they're not always inside
thoughts anymore. That's true. Yeah. And that can
be very overwhelming if you get stuck in
this little corner of the Internet where what
you're seeing most of more than anything else
is judgment
about kink.
Yeah. And there are some very
uninformed,
you know,
surface level.
Clearly, folks don't understand at all what they're
talking about, but they saw one thing they
didn't like, and they've
formed what they call an opinion.
And that is
extremely pervasive if you can't
hack your own algorithm to, like, not see
that kind of stuff.
And I think that that is
do what you gotta do for miss Lola
who has opinions.
She does not like the judgment
of the ill informed judgment she sees online
either.
I think that has the potential to do
more harm.
And I don't even know what I mean
by harm. I don't I don't mean,
you know,
it's gonna run people out of kink, but
I think it does could you know, if
you're a newer kinkster and that becomes your
first foray into the online world of talking
about kink, you know, there are then are
questions of, is this really accepted? Is there
really a community? Am I doing the right
thing?
And it's one thing to have those thoughts
on your own by yourself when Mhmm. One
person in your life that maybe was close
to you, maybe wasn't as judgmental,
I can't really imagine what it might be
like to have what would feel like
the masses coming at you.
And
the downside
to primarily the non kink spaces, but it
it certainly can happen in places like FET
because we all know about one truism and
the, you know, this is the real way
to be a dominant. This is what a
real sub is.
You know, to have sort of that deluge,
that drinking out of the fire hose sensation
of everybody's opinions and realizing
that you don't agree, but does the if
especially when you're new, does that mean that
you're wrong? I I fucking love the Internet.
We would not have
a roof over our head without the Internet
at this point in our lives. Okay? I
am
pro Internet.
But
the human condition being what it is Yeah.
And the fact that there is
for many, not all people,
no real filter between the knee jerk reaction
thought that they have and the things they
post online,
you know, it that can be overwhelming
in and of itself. And we're not even
talking about
online bullying
and, you know Yeah. The creepy shit that
people do. And, like, that's its whole other
realm. But, yes, I I love what the
Internet
allows kingsters of all experience levels to do
and to be and to explore.
And, also, fuck, sometimes it sucks.
So sometimes you just kinda have to like,
for me, personally, bring it back to the
fucking podcast, I wanted to create a space
where I was talking about the shit that
mattered to me, and I hope that people
who cared about this stuff too or interested
in this stuff too would find it.
I am enough of a creature of the
Internet that there is a part of my
brain that's like, man,
I wish, you know,
I wish more people
listened. I wish more and yet my lizard
brain goes, no. The fuck you don't. You
don't like that kind of perception. You don't
like that kind of attention. And every time
something of yours goes semi, air quote, viral,
the wrong side of the Internet finds it.
And you wanna know where I'm happiest? I'm
happiest on this podcast every week
talking to
the people that I feel like are in
the community. Yes. Including the lurkers who have
never once, like, actually typed out a thing
to anybody to say anything. Yes. I it's
a it's an energy.
There is a
sense of who all of y'all are, and
I don't even get I don't care if
it's 5 of y'all or if it's 5,000
of y'all. Like,
it's a it's a much comfier, cozier
vibe.
It means that we don't, like, we don't
have a big old channel and we're, you
know,
we wouldn't anyway because
non,
non vanilla things don't usually rate this kind
of attention. But, you know, we're not influencers
in the way way that, air quote, influencers,
like, make money online. Like, meh. We're just
we're too niche. We're too numb not safe
for work
or TV or any of it.
And
that part of me that compares myself that
always thinks I'm supposed to be doing more
and more will have that thought of,
oh, after all these years and then I
go, yeah. But this is the fucking place
where I wanna be. And when we do
go semi viral, I am deeply uncomfortable for
days weeks. Cannot reply to comments when I
even see them because I'm like, I don't
I don't they're not my people, so I
don't know their tone. Are they joking? Is
that sarcasm? Do they mean that? If they
mean that, what the fuck is wrong with
that? Like
and I'm like, no. No. Give me my
cozy
audience.
Some of y'all have been here since 20
fucking 15,
and I am a happy girl
because the Internet
is a scary, scary place.
Yeah. It can be.
Mhmm.
Oh my god.
So,
anything else? Anything else.
There are things and so I'll give you
some inside
whatever. To me, I don't know if JB
goes through this because I have I have
a I know I have a weird brain
and it's it does what it wants to
do.
Part of the reason
one of the reasons, this is not a
scripted and it's a barely outlined
podcast,
is
if I She wants to go on the
other one. Okay. If I
think about a topic enough to start forming
thoughts.
Like, here's what I think. Here's my opinions.
Here's the stuff that pisses me off. And
I do those internal conversations in my brain
that I do that I do with everything.
It is how I process stuff.
Good, bad, indifferent, does not matter.
If I do that
before an episode,
none of those thoughts will come back to
me for an episode.
Not one.
I have I'm telling y'all, I've probably
had award winning
podcast episodes in my brain because a topic
got me so fired up.
Thought through it, argued with myself,
made fucking points
All in my head. Usually while in the
shower.
Sometimes which is while trying to do my
face care sitting at my vanity.
2 days later, I'll be podcasting.
And I'm like, what are words?
What even is this topic? And the thoughts
are gone. So
we started out heavily scripted because I was
terrified that I would misspeak. I still get
very nervous I will misspeak.
Again, it goes back to I'm very happy
with our comfy, cozy
audience because y'all tend to forgive me when
I misspeak. You're like, oh, that's just Kayla.
It is. It really is.
So I have to keep I have to
have the thread in my brain of what
a topic's about and where it's coming from.
And I literally cannot let myself form too
strong of an opinion on something
until we turn all this on and I
start talking. I can outline it so I
can try to hit the points I'm thinking
of, but that's as far as
I can go. JB and I, for our
our q and a episodes for these episodes
too, but for our q and a episodes,
we don't spend too much time talking about
them. Why? Because if I have the deep
passionate conversation with JB and nothing is recording
it, you will never hear it again. Because
once I say it once, it's gone into
the ether. And I don't know why I'm
like that.
I don't know how to fix that.
Maybe it's not a thing to be fixed,
but
we are chaotic and we are
not professionals at this at all even after
9 years. Yeah.
Because if you wanna know my actual thoughts,
I have to do them unscripted and a
little bit off the cuff. Like, it's gotta
come rolling out of me.
So, yeah, there's there's some
inside stuff for you on
the.
I I will say a a thing that
I have
discovered,
learned, explored,
pick a word, I don't know, through the
course of this podcast.
If I have ADHD,
if I am ADHD, I don't know the
proper way how whatever.
If if
if I have the 80 of them. Right?
It's because the more I learned about how
ADHD can manifest once the the kids are
diagnosed
and started
both listening back, watching back, thinking back
to every fucking episode we've ever done. I'm
like,
oh. Oh,
okay.
You can't talk this much
all the time and not, I think, start
noticing patterns. I don't think y'all could listen
to me this much and maybe not start
noticing some patterns.
And some of them, by classical definitions, I
can't speak to anything else. I'm completely undiagnosed.
I'm
very on the fence about how I feel
about doing a self diagnosis for
myself. No opinions on other people's self diagnosis.
There we go. Said it.
But some of the the ways
that the words come out of my mouth
and the things that I am criticized for
the most
speaking wise, content wise.
Yeah. It's like a it's like if you
made a a checklist
of these are things that ADHD
people tend to do. Yes. Other people do
them too, but it's a level thing. It's
quantity thing.
Hi.
I tick all the boxes.
I would have told you before podcasting
that I had a handle
on interrupting folks.
And I do, except for the people I'm
most comfortable with, I e, jump around the
stone.
I when I'm thinking about it, when I'm
thinking about it very, very carefully, and I'm
sitting there and I'm staring into JB's eyes
as he's relaying information because I speak so
much. It's a beautiful treat when JB starts
talking for everybody, not just myself.
I have to go, you nope. Don't don't
don't nope. Watch his body language. Nope. He's
still going. Remember, he takes long pauses. He
doesn't do commas. He does semicolons.
Just give him a chance to take that
breath. And I like, how do I get
topic related words out to y'all
when I'm doing that? I don't know either.
But believe me for
everybody
who has ever complained about how much I
interrupt,
it fills me with a lot of guilt.
It fills me with so much guilt when
I when I recognize what I've done.
And then it fills me with a bit
of stress when I work very hard not
to.
So,
yeah,
I have always been a talker like this.
It was definitely considered a negative when I
was a kid.
I as I became once I hit
my thirties,
I used that talking energy for blogging, for
writing.
And now
I
don't wanna write so much. I'm still severely
burned out on writing in a way that
I probably should see a therapist about because
this is bad. But I'd much rather talk
and have conversations
even though when we're done, I am probably
mentally, like,
mad at myself. I'm thinking you interrupted JB
this many times. Did you even make any
sense? Oh god. How many times did your
train of thought derail
y'all? And that's gotten worse. How many times
in the past few weeks have I been
in a middle of a sentencing on, fuck.
I've just lost it.
Yeah. So,
yes, I'm acutely aware of all
that. I think what's been helpful
is realizing
just
how
much of the kink community is also neurodivergent.
Because
I have found neurodivergent people to be a
lot more understanding of my,
still undiagnosed
quirks,
than,
non neurodivergent
people.
Oh, JB's phone is ringing. Forgot to put
it on the airplane.
It's okay.
You're like that grown person who's like, I
don't mind hearing a ringtone.
Things you might not have realized about JB.
He, 1, lets his ringtone just play. What
the fuck? And 2, answers his phone when
it rings unless you know it's spam. Like
Yeah. You know? I'm like, you're just answering
phone calls over there? If it's important, they'll
leave a voice mail.
And that's the clash of 2 generations, also
of 2, types of brains. Sometimes I wanna
talk to somebody other than you. You're gonna
have to go make some friends and go
somewhere and leave this house. I don't know
what to tell you. Look. Look. Look. I
not in a nosy way, y'all. But I
see when he's on Fete responding to messages,
I can kinda tell when he's on his
phone because he's texting, not playing one of
his games.
Probably not as many as you'd like, but
you're definitely having conversations with folks other than
me. And that's probably a good thing because,
yes, yes, we can get tired of one
another. We adore each other. We wanna be
together until the end of fucking time. We're
going out of this world together. Okay?
He doesn't understand. I will mount him somewhere.
I will prop him somewhere.
Whatever. We're going together.
But,
yes, after 9 years of talking about your
relationship
ad nauseam in detail,
nearly every week of your lives, you too
can be like, you know what? I just
need to go be in a room by
myself. I need to go
I'm not the person who's like, I need
to go talk to other people. I'm not.
I'm not. I'm that's
I I gotta sort through that. But I'm
not. But he is, and I respect that.
So
yeah. That,
yeah.
Go ahead. Did you have something?
He did that intake of breath, and I
was like, he's gonna say something, and then
I kept going because I do that.
We've talked about this before, but I'll get
this isn't
this didn't happen with the podcast. It happened
when I was trying to be a fiction
writer. I am not capable of reading reviews.
Not because,
I think they're bad or because I can't
handle criticism. I kinda can't handle criticism.
If I ask for the criticism,
I will will myself not to be upset
about it because I asked for it. But
when I was not asked for it, I
can't often handle
it. But
reading reviews has been so bad for my
ability to create.
I learned that years ago.
That and then
I was like, you know what? You need
to push through that. That's what everybody says.
You can't get better at what you do
if you don't read the reviews. I do
think that's bullshit, quite frankly.
You can get better by going out and
searching out the resources you respect and learning
from them. Just saying. Just saying.
And then I tried to read the reviews,
and somebody was mean about you
in one of our reviews. And then I
learned I can't read the reviews because then
I have to hate humanity and wanna crawl
through my phone because who the fuck is
gonna be mean about my daddy? Because that's
not allowed. And that was the last time
I ever read a review.
So for anybody
who writes reviews, uses reviews, go for it,
please. It's what they're there for. They are
not for me. They are for you to
decide. Is this really where I wanna
be? But, yeah, if anybody out there who
because I I when that last time I
read reviews, a couple of them were written
like somebody thought I was gonna be reading
them and would just be taking notes
to do what they thought I needed to
do. And I was like, that's not how
I'm gonna do that. That's
mm-mm. And the thing is,
because I listen to podcasts, because I do
try to learn these things, I am actually
quite aware of everything I consider
a not great thing about this podcast,
and I keep doing it. Why? Because let
me give you an example about what this
podcast is for me, and I think a
little bit for you.
Today was a rough day for me. Bad
headache, 2 hour nap. I don't take naps
in the middle of the day.
Even though it was a good day, the
kid went to a doctor's appointment and basically
got the all clear. Like, hey. As long
as you continue on this track, I don't
have to see you again Right. Ever if
you don't want to. Right? Like, it was
a that part was a good day.
But other things are going on, and it's
so
at
we I did the 2 hour nap, and
I'm like, we're supposed to record a Monday
episode, and we're gonna do the podcast.
The thing that was never on the chopping
block for the week was the podcast. It
was never never ever. I sent to JB,
like, hi. Are you okay if we don't
record the Monday podcast? Will we record it
before Monday? I don't know. Maybe
we might not. There might not be a
Monday episode
because if I'm going
to pick where to put my energy on
a on a Wednesday,
it will be here every fucking time.
Because one, it's a time when I get
to look JB
in the little eyeballs there, his baby blues,
and go, let's focus on this interesting topic
to us. Right? Let's talk about our relationship.
Let's maybe get some stuff off our chest.
That has happened in these episodes.
But, also, this is the time
where I know for myself,
I'm connected to our community. Yes. Even y'alls
y'all lurkers who have never once said a
word, you don't have to. It's okay. I
too am a lurker.
Not all of us answer our phone when
it fucking rings. What the hell?
Like a psychopath.
He also answers the door when somebody rings
the doorbell.
What even is that?
But, you know, I know that we're imperfect.
I know that we're chaotic. I know we're
not everybody's cup of tea. And I have
become a lot more comfortable with that because
I know we actually have helped people.
I don't know how much we've directly, like,
given somebody an answer that they were looking
for. I hope they have if they've asked
us a question and sought an answer. But
I know mostly that a lot of people
feel a whole hell of a lot less
alone in how they experience their power exchange.
And
I
I I might be coming down with something
because, like, I've got a earache and a
post nasal drip thing, and I just have
not been feeling good. But, 1, I'm not
feeling that right now at all. I mean,
I'm sweaty as hell, but it's the lights,
and that's
the it's the air about me. Like, I
know who I know who I am. I
know what I am.
And yet I don't kinda care how I
feel.
This will be the most energizing thing, one
I've done all day and probably will do
all week. And this is
it's not even a question. Like, on our
worst days, we're like, oh, no. We're podcasting.
Like, oh, we'll just drag our, you know,
dang up, sweaty, feverish bodies in this office.
We will crawl up the side of our
little IKEA table, $27
special back when they still had prices like
that, and we will
be
weirdos on the Internet. Let's check out there.
Mhmm.
And so, yeah, if anybody's ever like, how
have you done this for 9 years? That's
how.
That's how. And and, you know, I think
for me,
on that on that note,
you know, since we started this
this podcast and and talking about
our lifestyle and and the lifestyle in general,
the the people that we've met over the
years that, you know, from have followed us
and, you know,
just fellow podcasters
that we've met and and, you know, the
people that we've met through the years.
And and it's just been amazing,
you know. It it's been absolutely wonderful. Mhmm.
For all that I was, you know,
cautioning earlier about how the Internet can be
awful,
some of the most
open,
nonjudgmental,
just just accept you as you fucking are
kind of people that I've come across online
and in person have been kinksters.
Like, bar none have been fucking kinksters.
Like,
I spend a great deal of time, like,
kind of apologizing for my being weird, you
know, being weird on the Internet. Right? Not
for being kinky. Feel like that. I'm not
apologizing for that shit. But for being weird
on the Internet, and there's always stuff that's
like, you don't have to apologize for that.
I see you. I'm I am you. Yeah.
We're all good.
And that
it can be jarring to go into other
spaces
these days. Now part of it is I
have
intentionally or unintentionally,
my algorithmic
whatever surroundings are very curated because I only
look at the things I wanna look at,
and I'm getting much better at blocking shit
I don't wanna see. So it's a bit
of a bubble. Like, because I know god.
I know there's judgment in the kink community,
and I know there are assholes. And I
know I know all of that exists. I
do see that.
But, yeah, like, we were like, no. No.
Kayla's our weirdo from the Internet. This is
fine. They're like, oh, good. Thank you.
Thank you.
And I think that's why this is this
is the place we're gonna be
almost regardless of what's going on. Right? Like,
I
I will have a million thoughts about how
it should be done better,
or was that actually helpful to anybody, or
what even was the point, or, like, all
of that. And yet
the vibe
the vibe in
the community spaces we inhabit,
it's like there's no other place I wanna
be. Mhmm. Mm-mm.
Mhmm. Mhmm.
So
mister Spock pointed something out that I know
to be true at least one time as
well, mister Spock. Mister Spock in live chat
says, I feel the need to point out
that you're probably responsible for at least a
few couples in your 9 years, though I
can only speak to 1.
That that may be true.
We can only speak to 1 as well.
We see you.
But, yeah, that you know, that's the thing.
I I don't I don't ever want, like,
our Discord
server or community through our Patreon. Yes. Go
take care of your girl. Lola is full
of opinions
tonight.
I don't wanna speak for it too much
because
people change and things happen, whatever.
But the vibe is
better be real low pressure in there. It's
not a dating scene. It's not a
hookup scene. It's not a whatever. But everybody
in there is adults and people take things
to DMs. And, yeah,
stuff,
mutually
beneficial,
consensual, happy things have happened there. Right?
And I I fucking love that. You know?
We didn't do anything but facilitate it, and
I'm here for that.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Anything else you'd like to add? I don't
think so. Could I could I gush about
my love for doing this podcast and also
all of my insecurities all night long? Yes.
I could. Well, I'm not gonna. I'm not
gonna. Thank you.
I'm not quite that comfortable,
laying bare all of my insecurities
in one place because the Internet is forever.
But yeah.
Yeah. I guess that's it, and we can
we can do a bonus section, which was
born from criticism
of the podcast,
but it was I it was delivered in
a way I was open to it, so
just saying. I mean, there's there's a, you
know, I I think that's one of the
the
with the Internet, you know, you
you get people who
are capable of giving you giving someone online
constructive
criticism. You know? And, unfortunately, you had people
that just opened their mouth and
Yeah. You know? Yeah. And, you know, it
it did help. That person was one of
our OG listeners. I have no idea if
they're still around. Hi. If you are, you
know who you are. You have to know
who you are. Right? Because it went from
me having a million asides, just trying to
get through 2 sentences. Mhmm. Look. I have
half a million asides now. I've I've cut
way back.
To putting most of those asides
into the bonus section. So
yeah.
So Been quite the journey. It has been.
And,
I you know, anything anything can happen and
life changes on a dime and blah blah
blah. But, like,
I there's not a part of me that
can actually imagine
what it would take and how it would
happen for for us not to do this.
I'm sure that that day will come in
a distant future.
But I'm already, like, no. No. I'm gonna
remember our 10th year 10th anniversary. Watch me
fucking forget. All y'all can laugh at me
if a year from now, I have forgotten
August 15th
again.
It's fine. I will deserve being laughed at
if this happens again next year.
So all of that.
Are you ready to go into a bonus
section? Yes. Are you gonna put a reminder
in your phone? You better have like a
Not not in the phone.
In our community calendar.
Okay. Well, you wanna put a reminder for
that event, like, more than a day in
advance. Yes.
Oh gosh. It looks like the
next year Mhmm. August 15th will fall on
a Friday.
Oh, gosh. It's perfect. And it should be
the night of our Friday night hangout.
Oh, as long as we're still doing that
too. You know what? Time has no meaning,
and I there are things I would tell
you that happened, like, 6 months ago, a
year ago,
topics we've covered or just what silly little
things. And I'll go look at the history.
I'll need to go find, like, an episode
to link to or something something. And I'm
like, what the fuck? That was 2022?
What in his life? I thought that was,
like,
2 months ago.
So,
see, that that makes it perfect for the
10th anniversary.
Let's let's be real that it for 15th
to be on a Friday and it to
be the 3rd Friday of the month,
livestream,
that that will be a big celebration. I
don't know what what. Probably just me going,
I'm so happy, and that'll be what I
call a celebration.
I don't know. Mhmm.
Mhmm. Oh my god. Did you cover her
up and she took a nap? Yeah. She's
like a toddler.
I swallowed her up. She came in. She'd
never got there. I swallowed her up in
the blankets and she settled down.
Oh my god. Like a true pity. Note
to self, if I ever get a little,
wacky and wild, just swaddle me up and
make me take a nap.
I'll probably calm right now.
She is, y'all.
She is like
her ears flopped over. She's leaning against her
paw.
Mhmm.
Okay. Okay. Let's
so are we good?
And you've been asking me that for a
very long time, and I still don't know.
9 years. Yeah.
Holy shit.
Sure.
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Daddy. Yes, baby girl.
Can we keep talking to the Kirke? Yes.
We can. Okay.
What do you have to talk about?
I mean, I could go through all my
existential crises with y'all, but I think that
gets a little boring after all. I I
think first off, I just wanna say to
everybody out there in in YouTube land and
podcast land, I apologize for Lola, the way
she's been lately. Oh my god.
What what has been going on with her
is,
since
we have been, you know, trying to get
her to lose weight,
I have been, you know,
very
structured about her walks. Mhmm.
Mhmm.
And obviously, on Wednesday evenings,
you know, we we eat dinner and right
after dinner we record
the the the q and a. If we
do it, we do it. Yeah.
And and then we're here doing the podcast,
so
it's impossible for us to walk her
or me to walk her. Well and that's
because it's the summer. When it's
fall winter, it'll be cooler. You can go
earlier in the day, and it won't matter.
But, yeah, it matters right now. You know,
last last Wednesday, I tried
taking her out during the day.
We went we went on a road you
know, a little road trip.
Her and I, didn't work.
So, you know, she has she has become
used to her walks, which is a good
thing. Mhmm.
But when she doesn't get them, she gets
very insistent about wanting them. And more so
than she did when she was younger. Yeah.
I think it's her middle aged lady self
going, bitch, this is my routine. Right. And
you are not gonna fuck up my routine.
I plan my whole day around this. She
would have been like my great grandmother
who absolutely was eating her dinner at, like,
4:35
watching Wheel of Fortune.
When Jeopardy came on, that is when you
got ice cream,
usually vanilla, sometimes butter pecan. And if that
is not how the evening went,
the the evening was ruined. What were we
even doing?
Uh-uh.
Anyway.
So but, yeah, that that's kinda what's been
going on with her and why she has
been so vocal on Wednesday evenings.
So podcast listeners, this
I don't know how much of her a
wooing JB was able to cut from the
Monday episode for this week.
I was able to cut
most, if not not all. There are a
couple of moments in the video. But what
I did for the video, for anybody who
maybe hasn't watched it yet or you're like,
oh, I don't watch the video. This is
the pocket. Or
the moment we start doing our our closing
spiel, you turn off. Fair, by the way.
You don't need to listen to our commercials
every fucking time. That's
bullshit. But I did a little thing where
I just did, like, some of her a
woos from trying to record that.
And I put, I think, 4 clips at
the end. Like, I was taking them out
of the main thing, and I was popping
in the end. And then I had to
stop, and I just started deleting all of
the Awoos. And there were, like Yeah. 4
or 5 more after that before we finally
got her
settled. Settled. Yeah. I was able to get
most of them out of the Okay. Out
of the podcast. If you would like to
just bask in Lola's Ah Wooing Yeah. It
is,
the what was Monday of this week,
19th?
August 19th video on our YouTube channel.
Just saying. Yeah.
So yeah. It
she was it's funny, but it is also
very frustrating.
So we are very routine oriented people. We
crap. We are just always trying to do
so much that we have tried to keep
a very strict schedule.
And I have just a brain that just
does better with that. So
it during the time we have to record,
that is the time we have to record.
And if miss Lola wants to, voice her
opinions,
we just have to work around it because
the
the act of trying to reschedule that for
another time is kind of a almost a
pain point of, like, what do we move,
and how do we do this, and can
we get our head in the game, and
and it just Yeah. Yeah. So And and
and, you know,
because of the way Lola is, she wants
to be in the room with us. Yes.
There's no just leaving her in another room.
She'd just be a wooing at the door,
wondering why we weren't letting her in. Right.
Yeah. Yeah. So It was I think it
was a little easier when we like, in
her early days with us, like, she would
go to her crate, and she would I
mean, I think we've even commented in past
episodes, like, she's just sleeping in her crate
right now. What the fuck? You know? Because
it's just Mhmm. Yeah. And I, you know,
I love having a dog that wants to
be with us. Oh, god. Speaking of miss
Lola and her wondering what the fuck is
happening with her walk. So she is not
a stupid girl. She's a very, very smart
girl, and she knows. Too smart for her
own good sometimes. God. Too smart for us.
I'm like, I'm a dumbass compared to my
dog.
She
knows
that when her daddy, because JB is her
daddy too, let's just be real,
is done doing the water things at the
sink in the kitchen, in the food place,
doing dishes at night.
They go for their walk. If he's gonna
do dishes,
it's after he's done dishes. Mhmm. Because he
doesn't do dishes every night now.
She
I went in to the bedroom to do,
I don't know what. I think put this
shirt on, quite frankly.
JB was at his desk here in the
office.
Lola, unbeknownst to both of us, was sitting
our dining area, air quote that because it's
not like some formal thing. But our dining
where our kitchen table is our where we
eat. And the kitchen, like, they're it's open
space. They're kinda all one and the same.
She's sitting in between those two spaces. Right
next to his chair, that's where he sits
and eats. And right by the refrigerator, quite
frankly.
Right.
And she's sitting there. And I we didn't
know she was there until
she didn't just a woo like y'all have
heard here tonight. She started doing her mournful,
soulful, I've been abandoned
cry.
Mhmm. We both come running. She is sitting
in that space. And just turns and looks
at us like What? Man. And I was
like, because this girl is smart and knew
that this was the time she was supposed
to put her bra on, that's what we
call her harness, and go for her walk
and and get covered in fucking mosquitoes, which
apparently don't bother her. Mm-mm.
Yeah. Yeah. She's her she's her smart girl.
Mhmm. Yeah. A few times, she's even camped
out by the front door. Oh, yeah. Oh,
yeah. Yeah. Ready for her. Mm-mm. And,
you know, you you wanna see
somebody get excited, we have this little I
don't know what you would call it by
the front door.
I don't know what to call it either.
Yeah. So it's like a little table. It's
got 2 little drawers
there and, you know, it's where the keys
and stuff go. Mhmm. And, that's where I
keep her harness harness and leash. Mhmm. And
she hears me open that drawer,
those ears are up,
and she is moving. We basically can't keep
anything non dog related in those drawers because
if the drawer opens Yeah. That's a signal
to her. Mhmm.
Mhmm. Mhmm.
Oh my god. But she's such a good
girl. She is. We were gone
for the youngest doctor's appointment today during her
peak,
go out to the backyard, come inside, go
out to the backyard, come inside, go back
in the back and forth time that she
does, which is about between 10 AM and
until about 1 or 2 because she likes
to go be the baked potato that she
is and just sun herself. And she's in
and out, in and out, in and out.
Yeah. And she was we were gone that
whole time. We had to go to Gainesville
for this appointment. And, she, we got home.
She wasn't, like, demanding to go out. She
wasn't she was laying on the couch. She
just lift her head up, looked at us,
coming in. It's like, okay. She's such a
cool girl. Yeah. So
And and, you know, I I have to
answer this. You know, mister Spock made the,
made a comment about the phone ringing. Oh.
You know, that,
you know, whoever's phone
rings has to buy the crew a 6
pack.
I I guess I'm buying myself a 6
pack. You're buying me a 6 pack and
can it be that margarita flavored malt beverage
that we found at Publix that was Now
wait a second, you're not the crew, you're
the talent. I I'm the crew. I've I've,
you know, maintained all the equipment and all
that. I'm the one that does the script.
I'm in the writer's room.
I'm crew.
Hell, I'm so crew. I made sure that
one of the lights was on today because
the
crew didn't turn a light on before we
started recording. I'm just saying.
Oh, y'all. Okay.
I am submissive. I am submissive. I am
submissive
only to JB,
and I bullied him into, getting up this
morning to go on our walk. She did.
She did. Here's here's the thing. I,
1, did not think of it as bullying,
and I meant what I said. So Oh,
all all you really said was, you know
If you don't go, that's fine. I'm going
by myself is what I said. No. What
anyway
yeah. And then I think that what I
remembered was, you know,
you know it it helps you. It's good
for you. Yeah. I I definitely
wielded the tough love clause like a cudgel.
There's nothing delicate or subtle about me. So
he's like Dang it, mister Spot.
Yeah. Talent gets to drink the fizz.
Anyway,
so we went on our walk Monday, and
it was rough getting up. I don't think
either of us wanted to get up, but
we're out there. And then
we had to have a big serious important
stressful conversation yesterday.
And I know I hate doing those to
JB because he's not gonna sleep at night
after we have the conversation. And the rest
of the day, evening, whatever, he's completely deflated
as he should be. It's a tense moment.
So he's telling me last night,
as I'm I've worked well late into the
night, and he's like, okay. I'm I'm done.
You keep doing whatever.
He's like,
I I I don't you're tired. You're working
late. Because that was my favorite. He was
like and he's he was right. I was
tired. I was like, I think maybe we
just won't turn the alarm on in the
morning,
which means we won't be going on our
walk. And I went, no. No. I don't
think that's good. Well, you know,
you were working late last night. I knew
we had to go get up for the
doctor's appointment and had a lot of running
around. And I understood
your thinking about it. I just rejected it
completely. Yeah. You did.
Because I was like, this is the thing
that will help me focus today. This is
the thing that will help me wake up.
This is good for us actually,
even though we hate it. And guess what,
y'all? We're not even waking up at 5:30
in the morning anymore. Thank you.
Fuck. That, I don't think I could have
sustained. Yeah. I know.
Because it just stays too dark. The sun
comes up so late right now. Now it
yeah. It's just oh my god. You're just
walking Well, for a while there, it was
light at 5:30. Yeah. It was.
And I went and I said it it
and I did a sail there. It was
it's good for us. We need to do
it. I said, but if you don't wanna
go, that's fine.
If I can
get my shit together, I will get up
and go by myself. I will set my
alarm.
So I set my alarm for 6:30. And
when my alarm goes off, his alarm goes
off. And I'm like because he didn't say
anything to me after that. No. We didn't
talk about it again. I was just like,
you're the daddy and you're gonna do what
you're gonna do, and that's fine. But I'm
gonna do what I'm gonna do. Right?
I go, so he gets up and I
wait, because I don't know. I know what's
gonna happen in a morning based on which
clothes does he put on. Does he put
on his p we sleep naked y'all. Does
he put on his pj's or does he
put on his walking clothes? And when I
saw him pick up the bright ass fluorescent
green shorts, I went,
oh, are we going? He goes, yeah. We're
going.
And we went. And we went. And I've
had a, until this afternoon feeling like crap,
very productive morning.
So that tough love clause comes in clutch
sometimes. Oh, just saying.
If you're in a power exchange and you're
submissive and you're like, but my dom is
not doing the shit they need to do
for their own health. Tough little clause. Damn
you. I fucking love that shit.
Smartest negotiation. I I will never have
as good or as smart of a moment
in my life as that moment right there
because I you have to use it wisely.
You have to be judicious with it. You
can't just be yanking it out for every
fucking thing because then it loses its power.
But when it's his health and to his
benefit, oh, yes.
Tough love clause time. You better take care
of your fucking self. Okay? Because come hell,
high water or you get,
like, rickety,
you're staying with me through this
this morning. You know,
and and what I will say is at
least this morning we went out, it actually
felt
nice. It was relatively pleasant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
The humidity
had had dropped during the night and,
you know, it felt comfortable. This is gonna
be so much fun when we get
closer to what our air quote fall really
is when the humidity drops. Because then it's,
like, it's exciting to go outside. You're like,
oh my god. I'm breathing air and not
wet cotton. This is delight.
I become a whole new human being Yeah.
When the humidity drops. I mean, we were
we were all things considered, we were fairly
lucky
this summer. Mhmm.
Our intense heat didn't really start until
August. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then and then
it got super intense. And it got super
intense, and I'm I'm done. I'm ready. I'm
over it.
I I've had enough of Florida summer. I
know. Right? And yet, no. We we will
continue to live here year after year. We're
not you know, I'm not gonna lie.
Every time our
home insurance goes up a little bit more,
I'm like, maybe we should move in then.
We should go to, like, one of those
other states, but I just
I can't be that far away from water.
Even if I don't visit it, I just
need to know it's there. I don't I
don't know what that's about. It's okay if
you don't, like, you don't get it either.
I don't it
just is. It just is. Mhmm. I mean,
when I I went to college in Montgomery,
Alabama, and that was too far inland for
me. I was very it was a very
weird feeling.
And I I don't
maybe it's because I'm a water sign. I
don't know. I just it's a feeling I
get. I'm the same way. I mean, are
you know, as a kid,
growing up, I used to seek out ponds
and streams
and and I would just love hanging out
and being around water. You know what's weird
to me? And I think maybe it's because
I am a I'm a Florida kid.
Lakes, ponds, canals,
those kinds of bodies of water make me
more nervous than a gulf or an ocean.
Now I recognize the danger
of the gulf and oceans and riptides and
all of that. Like,
I lost a good friend to
the Atlantic fucking ocean. So,
I'm well aware of those dangers, but there
is something about the,
non
coastal waters in Florida. And it's because
if there's a body of water standing still
in Florida, it's probably got an alligator in
it.
I'm just like, I have never trusted that
zigzag run thing and then come to find
out the internet told me that was fake.
Don't run-in a zigzag.
That doesn't help anything.
But I promise you as a Florida kid,
I was taught running a zigzag.
Come across
run away back and forth. And I was
like, I barely can do a straight line.
You want me
to know my right from my left while
panic running? I don't know.
So,
yeah, Kim says, Delaware is 29 miles across.
You're always near the water and less humidity.
Yeah. But don't y'all have snow?
Don't y'all have snow? Y'all have snow, don't
you?
You have do you have snow? If you
have snow, I so
mm-mm. Give me my alligators and my hurricanes
over snow
is all I'm saying. Oh my gosh. In
the fifties. I
Yeah. Kim and mister Spacher tried to convince
us we need to go to Delaware. Right?
I don't know. I don't know.
Anyway,
Onyx is a menace. Ella is a menace.
Oh, I haven't caught them grooming,
but
this afternoon, they were walking through the kitchen.
They incorrectly thought I was gonna give them
the water from the tuna can. I used
to give them water from the tuna can,
but then they stopped drinking it consistently. And
then we had these little bowls of tuna
just out in the house, stinking up the
house. And I'm like, you're not getting tuna
juice anymore. I'm so sorry, girls. So I
was cracking up a can of tuna today,
and they come in the kitchen and they're
like, oh, hello. Hello. And I'm like, bitch,
please. And I turn around to do something
and I watch them walk away and they
are body to body just rubbing against each
other as they're walking their tails briefly, like,
for half a second blink and you would
have missed it. Their tails crossed.
Wow. I was like, do they actually love
one another? Maybe it's begrudging. Whatever.
I don't care. I think they love one
another.
So
just saying. Just saying.
So
yeah.
That's
that's us, I think. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Look. Y'all, I really could just sit
here in comfortable silence with y'all.
I really, really could,
but I probably shouldn't.
I'm not gonna, but I could. I really
could.
But I guess we're not, and I guess
we should. We could.
We should.
Thank you all. Mhmm. Thanks for
being here and hanging out to the bitter
end with us. I'm
happy you're here, if you've been here for
5 minutes, or you've been here for 9
years.
I I the I mean, I am constantly
blown away
by the fact that there are folks who
are like, no. Actually, this isn't the most
annoying fucking thing I've ever heard. This is
interesting and good even, and I'm getting something
from it.
So, yeah, we're we're grateful.
Mister Spock asked what the implement is on
my shirt. It's a crop. Mhmm. His shirt
says behave.
He's,
he's getting back into clothes he has not
been able to wear in a while. Right.
I'm going the opposite way.
I I have
have feelings about that, but that's for another
day. We're gonna go. Thank y'all. I'm almost
fitting back into my
kill. Look. The day you are back in
that fucking kilt, I will be humping your
leg. I'm so sorry. Oh. What does a
j b wear under his kilt? Not a
fucking thing because I need to be able
to get to that, and it is delightful.
And oh my god.
Oh. Oh.
Kilts. Goddamn. I love a fucking kiln.
Look. Look. How y'all know how to,
the the Scotland part of Outlander?
I'm there for the fucking kilts. Yeah.
I wish there was at a time where
bathing was more common, but still.
Anyway, we're gonna go now. Yep. We're we're
devolving here.
Mhmm. We will be back next week. Yes.
Indeed.
I think I know what that's gonna be,
and it's not gonna be a topic. It's
gonna be something we haven't done in a
few weeks. So
I think we'll talk about it. Oh, it's
nothing major. You'll be like, oh, thank god
I don't have to think of anything, and
it'll be delightful.
Anyway, we will see y'all next week. Bye.
Bye.