You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode
407.
Kayla Lords here with the one, the only,
the sexily shirtless, John Brownstone.
So sorry, podcast listeners. You can't actually see
this, but I can. Now that being said,
does he look good? Hell, yeah.
Did I,
this morning,
freak out? Because he's a very hairy man
and I don't mind that. And his stomach
rubbed against my arm and so his hair
rubbed against my arm and I thought something
was crawling on me.
Yes. That did happen. But I don't mind
when he goes without his shirt is all
I was saying.
The Himalayan fur goblin.
We got those too. Yeah.
Okay. That's not what we're talking about.
This week, we're talking about the pressure that
doms can feel in their role, but also
the privileges that they enjoy.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
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lords. That's patreon.com/kayla
lords or use the link in the show
notes. Okay. Before we get into our topic,
2 announcements.
1,
we are sponsoring
We again this week.
And even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable
because I don't like to be perceived because
of a when I do a thing, but
whatever, whatever.
I'm gonna remind you that I have a
bookish vanilla Etsy shop. Link in the places.
And I'm saying it right now because,
like,
because I don't plan for shit and I
suck at this kind of stuff. I'm just
now
putting out bookish Halloween
things. Shirts,
bookmarks. I think I might do totes. Haven't
decided yet. I've put out some stuff at
the beginning of this week. Day of recording
is, what, 14th
August? I got a sale
on Halloween stuff that starts
on August 15th. I will actually run a
sale on all my Halloween stuff through October.
The sale will vary of the percentage amounts,
but there you go. So if you are
a bookish person and a Halloween person,
both
click the link link in the places. Do
you know knowing that I was going that
we were going to sponsor we, and it
was gonna be my vanilla
bookish
Etsy shop Mhmm. Sent me into a mental
spiral.
Like, just
the moment I put it in the notes
for the script, and I do that in
the morning, y'all, my day was just done
for. I couldn't even I was working on
more bookmarks, and I couldn't even do it.
So, anyway,
that is a thing that exists. The sale
will start August 15th. So if you're watching
the livestream,
not today, but tomorrow, if you're listening to
the audio podcast or you're watching
the video later,
sale has started. So that's a thing. We're
doing the thing. I'm talking about the thing.
Oh,
even though that's just too much perception for
me.
Yes. I understand the irony.
Okay. I get it. I know what we're
doing here. Whatever.
I contain multitudes. Okay?
Very anxious multitudes.
So, yeah,
bookish Etsy shop. It's called Book Dreams Shop.
Mhmm. So if you wanna just type that
into your Etsy search bar. Got some good
stuff. I mean, I think so. Yeah.
And yeah. Thanks to us for sponsoring us.
Okay.
2nd
and less uncomfortable announcement.
This Friday,
August 16th, podcast listeners, that's the day this
episode goes live. 9:30 PM. It's time for
our monthly live stream. Yay.
And we've already planned ahead that we will
not be waking up early on Sunday as
we tend to do to our Saturday. Saturday.
As we tend to do to ourselves. Look.
I didn't know my name earlier. I don't
know what days of the week are.
I'm unraveling in real time.
So
Friday, August 16th here on YouTube, 9:30 PM
EST. 1st 30 minutes, we're just, like, easing
into stuff and being chaotic. Starting at 10,
we're still chaotic, but we will also answer
questions. Yay.
Yeah.
So
that's a thing that's happening. Mhmm. Okay.
I
messed
myself up last week by having very detailed
notes.
Uh-oh.
Oh, good news. Points I wanted to cover
in the impostor syndrome episode, and then I
went back to my notes. And how many
bullet points did I find that I forgot
to touch? Like, 2.
So this week,
no notes.
Oh, great. Mostly because I'm looking at you.
Free free wheeling it. Oh, then we're really
in trouble.
I will do my best to
yank and pull and quearse the information out
of you. Don't worry.
So for me, in my mind, the
the main part of this
week's episode is about the pressure that doms
can feel. 1, this does not mean submissives
do not feel pressure
in a power exchange.
Talking about 1 does not negate the other.
We just spend a lot of time talking
about submissives because submissives are especially vulnerable in
many of these situations, and that is good
in writing. We keep talking about that. But
I don't think we give enough attention to
dominance sometimes. We gotta talk about these things.
Also,
we have talked about different pressures that dominance
and submissives,
can feel in a variety of episodes, many
of which are linked in the places. We've
talked
about
many
of which are linked in the places. We've
talked about
stress. We've talked about mental health. Mhmm. You
specifically with your depression and how it's affected
our power exchange. Correct.
We've talked about decision fatigue. We've talked about
mental load. We've talked about all these things
as broad or,
you know, separate topics. This time, I kinda
wanna
attempt to wrap our arms around what I
know
is a really big topic, pressure and privilege
of of being the one in charge.
The other thing
is we can only speak from our experience
and the things that we might label as
pressure may not feel like pressure to you
and that is okay. Also, we may not
mention
your pressure and that is okay. That is
what comment sections are for. That's what social
media is for.
Feel free to share that
in spaces where you can. Okay.
I wanna start first. It's like a good
news, bad news thing. I wanna start first
with the privileges of dominance
because
I don't know. I just decided I did.
What do you feel
as a dom? What is happening with our
phones? They're just buzzing.
What do you feel,
as a dom, are some of the privileges
you have in Power Exchange? Oh, gosh.
Well, you know, I I guess the the
big thing
would be that,
you know, I could turn to you and
say, hey, baby girl, I need to do
this for you. Baby girl, I need you
to get that for me.
Mhmm. Okay? Mhmm. You know, that that is
a
a big privilege.
Yes. And Okay. And you know it's fine.
Be able to just have somebody say to
somebody
Just do the thing Yeah. And then the
thing is done. And see the thing is,
it's all within
consent. Technically, I could withdraw consent at any
point and not do the thing, But that
disrupts
the way our relationship is and the way
I want our relationship to be, which does
mean when you just you utilize that privilege,
sometimes
I am mumbling under my breath as I'm
doing it. Or Were you doing that today
when I came in and said I need
another coffee?
No. You know what? It was not the
coffee. It was the the dog upchuck.
Ah. Okay. And I had to I was
I was in my head going, we negotiated.
He doesn't clean this kind of thing up.
We negotiated. He doesn't clean this. And then
I was like, and also he gets up
and he deals with bugs. He deals with
bugs for me without complaint. I will do
this without complaint.
Yep. I will do many things, but I
will not clean up vomit.
Cannot do it. And I'm immune to it
after
2
kids. Anyway Yeah. I will I will go
after bugs. I will go after lizards. That's
my privilege. That's why I said this to
my privilege. I negotiated. I don't have to
kill the old bugs.
So, yes, you absolutely have that ability to
just turn to me and go,
you know, Genie, make it happen. Right. Right.
What else feels like a privilege?
And and some may disagree
about this,
but just having
someone as a submissive.
I mean, I I think so. I'm Okay.
I'm not down with that whole submission is
a gift thing, because dominance then is a
gift as well. But, yeah, it's it's it
is a privilege because you gotta earn it.
Right. It's where the pressure comes in. You
gotta fucking earn it That's right. To get
it That's right. To keep it. Yeah. So
so, yeah, in in a way, I I
do see that, you know, it may seem
like a very basic tenet of of
this lifestyle. Right. It's the way it works.
Yeah. But, you know, I I see it
as a privilege. You could choose to
remove that Yes. At any point. Yeah. I
mean, yeah.
The the thing that I we have to
if if I can choose to remove it,
you can choose to remove it. So we
are
very fortunate to have one another and to
want to still be doing this. Right. But
as the one with the majority of the
power and control Mhmm. Yeah. And and you
know what? It it's it may
control
Mhmm. Yeah. And and you know what? It
it's it may seem a little extreme, but,
you know, when when
you
think about it, and and let's be honest,
you know,
human nature being what it is,
you know, the the privilege
of
having
someone at your beck and call
If that's what you negotiate. If that's what
you if that's what you negotiate. Which we
do. We absolutely do. You know, having having
someone at at your beck and call,
can be very,
heady, very,
you know, and
It's a privilege that can easily be abused.
Correct. Even with good intentions and not, like,
being a toxic person necessarily.
Right. Yeah. It's it's one that can You
know, because
and and this is something I I thought
very early on in in the lifestyle when
I first started coming in, you know,
you have to
keep
some kind of a a
a sane mind, maybe.
You know,
because as they always said, absolute power corrupts
absolutely. Yeah. You gotta be, there's a word.
I know that there's a word and I
don't can't think of what it is. Pragmatic,
for sure. Yeah. Humble
There you go. For sure.
There you go.
You know, because that that kind of power
can go to your head if, you know,
you let it, you know, egos being what
they are. Right. It it's, you know, like
I said before, human nature.
And and I think, you know, what what
you said was was said earlier about rescinding,
you know, consent,
that is that right there
may as one of the biggest
thank you Lola, I'm glad you agree with
me.
That right there is one of the biggest
checks and balances
Mhmm. Of of that. Mhmm. You know? Because
otherwise,
you know, things could just spiral out of
control.
Oh.
Which is funny. I think
we've kind of had this conversation before.
It's when we talk when
we don't talk about it, not anymore. I
think we might have at one time,
about the air quotes, submissives have all the
power, which is not at all true.
But it's because when we're thinking about consent
being given or being withdrawn, we are typically
thinking of the dominance privilege of getting to
have the power and control. The only reason
that they do have that is because the
submissive has consented, which is factually
true. And so when we say, oh, well,
you can't have that. I I could just
change my mind in a point. Also factually
true. We forget that that goes both ways.
I could wanna submit to you left, right,
and center, but if you do not consent.
It ain't gonna happen. Right. So that's one
of those things where the the privilege of
that is probably even if people don't think
of it as a privilege
Mhmm. Is
probably the most top of mind, like, benefit
of being a dom. Yeah. You know, you
you get to within the bounds in what
you negotiate you get to do what you
wanna do
as long as I'm willing
to let you do what you wanna do.
Absolutely.
Anything else?
Not that I can think of. Would you
like me to help you? Sure. Here so
this is Sure. It's just one. I don't
have, like, a laundry list, but the one
that always comes to mind
because I have very
preferred sensations
True. True. Okay. Is that in the way
we've negotiated
our power exchange,
you decide the tenor of a kink scene.
Now True true. I have every ability and
willingness to say I would like this, I'm
I would like this sensation. Can we do
this? What about that toy? We haven't done
this in a while, but the way we've
set this up
is he chooses. Right?
Thankfully,
he
listens to what I ask for. He takes
it into consideration.
Being the sadist bastard that he is, like,
one scene will be what I like, and
the next 3 scenes will be what he
likes. And then we and then there'll be
a scene that's a combo of both of
those. Joe, she'll walk in there, and there'll
be one of her favorite toys next to
one of her least favorite toys. Right. Exactly.
And that and
for how we've negotiated things, that is a
privilege because every once in a while,
I I am willing to do and I
still consent, but I'm like, oh, I really
could've gone for the deep tissue massage kind
of sensation
today. That would have been great.
And that's that's an effect of
we do not
sit down and, in a detailed way, negotiate
each individual scene. Correct.
If we did, there would be the opportunity
for me to go, hey. This is what
I need today, and this is what I
don't think I can tolerate much of. Mhmm.
We don't play that way because it is
also about power and control.
And I
We we did that more so in the
beginning. Sure. And I think I think regardless
of how a relationship shakes out and what
you ultimately negotiate, that's probably how it should
start because you just don't know one another
well enough yet. Mhmm. But I want the
lack of control
more than I want
to get exactly what sensation I want. What
I have found that I will do is
if we've had
multiple
even short, like, little 10, 15 minute scenes,
multiple short scenes in a row where I
was barely holding on because that was that
sensation was not doing the good things to
me, then it's my job to speak up
and go, hey.
Alright.
I know you like the things that make
me merely or actually cry, but I could
use
these sensations.
And I it's you are
judicious enough with trying to find that balance
Mhmm. That I've never once thought we need
to renegotiate how we do this because it
does
overall work. It just means that if
I've had to get better
about talking to you about my headspace
before
any kink happens Mhmm. And you've had to
learn through my communication
what I mean when I'm talking about those
headspaces.
Because there
are certain times where if, like, my anxiety
is riding me really hard,
sharp,
stingy pains that I endure
as submission and sometimes enjoy as a masochist
are much harder to handle
than the thuddy
relaxing sensations I prefer.
And if I'm not letting him know that
my anxiety
is at a fucking 11 right now,
you know, he's he's gonna think, oh, okay.
Everything's mostly normal. I'll just do what I
would normally do.
But,
yeah, I do I do think the coordination
of all scenes
is a privilege.
It is a privilege that I choose to
just let you have and not try to
negotiate something different. Okay. My recommendation would be
for anybody out there who tries that.
And if you are resentful or upset or
not getting enough of what you want, feel
free to renegotiate that. I don't wanna change
that.
Yes, Lola. I know you agree with me,
and I appreciate that. Let
me see if I can get her in
the other room. Oh my god.
She is a menace today.
She's gonna get her hopes up with you
opening that door over there.
And I had a thought.
And did it just melt away into the
ether? Yes. It did. Yes. Yes. It did.
She's not listening to JB.
So,
I am the best good girl in this
room right now,
and so I'm feeling pretty good about myself.
Do I feel weird for comparing myself to
the dog? A little, but, you know, whatever.
Whatever. We do,
remind JB that he is surrounded by baby
girls in this house.
So
I'm trying to think of if there's anything
else because I had a thought and it's
just poofed away and I can't get it
back. It's gone now. No, dear. I'm trying
to think if there's anything else that when
I look at you, I'm like, well, that's
a privilege.
I you know?
No. I
from my perspective. Like, you've already named the
obvious ones. The I got somebody who'll do
what the hell I tell them to do
when I tell them to do it. You
know? I have a submissive of those kinds
of things and, you know,
are there others? Are there other things that
somebody else would classify as a privilege? Yes.
That's fine.
We're gonna move on, I think, to pressures.
Because I feel like
this is
the thing that I'm sure there are people
talking about it, but it's not as widely
discussed. Because we talk about responsibility
of a dominant Yeah. Which is very important.
And a a decent dom, a dom who's
at least giving a fucking try, is going
to feel the weight of that responsibility.
But that does mean that there are then
pressures that can come with that. Oh, yeah.
So
what kind of pressure do you feel
as a dominant
other than the pressure to do Lola's
bidding.
That girl is,
something else tonight. She is? Yep.
Yeah. There there is a good amount of
pressure.
That goes
We've got to ignore her. Go ahead. There's
a good amount of pressure. There there is
a good amount of pressure because, you know,
when it,
let's face it, when it comes down to
it, you know, as as you always
like to to tell people, I'm the decider.
Mhmm. And again, that's how we That's how
we negotiated it. That that's how we we
set up our our relationship.
But, you know, that's,
that's a good deal of, weight on your
shoulder sometimes. Is it the fact that you
have to
is it the responsibility
of owning
the outcome based on the decision, or is
it the process the mental process of making
the decision? It's more the outcome of the
decision.
Yeah. I feel that kind of pressure too.
Mostly because I forget that I actually don't
have to be the decider.
And sometimes when I feel the pressure too
much, that's when I finally throw it back
to you and go, hey. Yeah. Gotta need
those decidery skills you got. Mhmm.
Yeah.
So,
you know, yeah, there there is because,
you know, oh my god, when when you
think about it, especially with some of the
decisions,
you know,
it it's
it's one thing when you were deciding for
yourself.
Sure. Which can have its own kind of
pressure. Which has its own kind of pressure.
True true true.
You know, but
then you throw
another person into the mix, and in some
cases, you know, family and and and whatnot,
and and you know, everything sits on your
shoulders for that and it's like,
o m g. How do you or do
you alleviate some of that pressure? How do
you deal with it?
Not well, is that what that sign means?
Lately, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Lately, yeah.
You know,
I
all through most of my life, I I
have always
prided myself on,
you know,
thinking through things and and, you know, looking
at at all sides of things and and
making the best educated
decision I can
at the time.
And and it's always
I, you know, I've always done
well with it.
And, the last few years
We had this conversation a few days ago.
Yeah.
You know, the the last few years with
with with everything that has been going on,
you know, some of it we've talked about
here, some of it we haven't talked about,
and then probably won't.
But,
you know, there have been a few times,
yeah,
I've been like, I I wanna throw in
the towel. I don't wanna make the decisions
anymore. Yeah. I, you know,
I, you know, with with the way some
of these things are going, I'm I'm second
guessing myself here. What am I And that's
the conversation we had a few days ago.
We were both in this we're I think
I don't even think we've made decisions. I
think we're sitting there right even now. It's
all up in the air. We're like, what
do we wanna do about thing?
Mhmm. And the conversation we had is neither
of us trust ourselves
because for several years,
we were making choices of paths to take
thinking that, okay, this will be the same.
Be the the good Detroit, the good path
to take. And it we've been wrong more
times than we've been right.
And, yeah, I could I could see that
weighs on you. Mhmm. Mhmm.
What else?
Do me a favor. Hold that thought. Oh,
no. You want me to hold on to
the thought? Hold on to that thought, and
I'll be right back. I'm gonna try something
real quick. Okay.
Okay.
I'll say from my perspective that hit the
pressure he feels to be the decider,
I think
we all, to a certain extent, know what
that pressure feels like. As grown adults, we
all have to make decisions
for ourselves at some point.
And
if you've never been overwhelmed by a decision
you need to make, you've lived a very
privileged life.
I
I know
one of the things I enjoyed
about being a submissive Gotta go outside for
a little bit. At,
in the beginning
was
getting to to release the pressure and the
responsibility of making decisions and hand it off
to somebody else.
But just, you know, if you are a
submissive who's who knows that
that feeling of relief, you then have to
probably understand
fully what it must mean
for somebody who bears that responsibility
consistently
to then have double it because you like
you said, you're not making decisions just for
you. Right. You're making decisions for us and
what all of us encompasses.
Yes. Now you're not doing it alone. True.
And I think anybody who feels, if you're
a down out there who feels the that
kind of pressure and it's Mhmm. Weighing you
down and it's making it hard to function,
are you talking to your submissive and getting
their input?
Right. You know, making the decision with them?
And and you know that that was something,
yeah, that I was gonna say say next
is, you know, the the nice thing is
that, you know, one,
I value your opinion.
Mhmm.
Okay?
You know, and and this this is because
and and again, this is something
I've said
for a long time, said it always early
on, and maybe it needs to be said
again.
You know, the way I see Kayla and
I's relationship,
we are equals.
We are equals in a
consensually
God. You always say it funny to me,
but I know what you it's a negotiated
power imbalance. Power imbalance, yes. Okay?
But, you know,
I always come to you for your
your thoughts on things.
There are certain
things that,
because she has more knowledge in in certain
things than I do,
And I certainly have an opinion on something
even if I don't have more knowledge. Well,
you know. This is my life too. Yeah.
Yeah. I know. I it's yeah. I know.
Funny. But Yeah. This isn't you're making decisions
for us and our life. Right. I absolutely
have opinions on what I would like my
life to look like. Mhmm.
But, you know, even even with that, even
coming to you, you know, and okay, here's
here's what's going on, this is what we're
facing, you know, here are some of the
options, what do you you know,
But in the end,
it's just you
on these shoulders. I mean, I'm damn grateful.
And you have not just gone fuck this
power exchange thing. Every person for themselves make
your own damn decisions.
I'm very grateful that that is not how
that has gone. Yeah.
So,
you know yeah. There there there is that,
you know.
Then again too, like, when we bought the
house, you have knowledge of
real estate that
I
Sure. Couldn't even begin to fathom,
you know, so when it came to
to, you know, anytime we
Keep talking. Anytime we shifted properties like that,
you know, I relied on you,
because that that is the world that you
know and understand.
So,
you know, that that to me
is is a big
help in helping to relieve some of the
pressure. Mhmm.
Does it I want it to help. I
know for me and other parts of life
it helps. Does it help that
when you make a decision
my here's my thing on it. Mhmm.
I back the decision. Even if we disagreed
prior to making the decision,
even if I'm like, we should've gone in
another way, or we can go in another
way, here's what I think we should do,
and you decide something different.
I'm going to back that decision and give
it my all. I am not going to
not do my part to purposely
throw things off. I'm not gonna, I told
you so if it doesn't go well. Yeah.
I'm I'm not gonna do any of that.
I'm like, okay, we're a team. This is
the decision you made.
Well, we will follow it and I'll give
it And and and that
well, there there's a couple things there.
You
know,
that is one of the biggest
boons
is
having your support.
Okay?
That that is tremendous.
Absolutely.
And and the other thing
that you you just brought up is, you
know, let's face it,
not everything is gonna go as planned, not
everything is gonna work out the way you
want it to. We know. Right?
We know so well. You know, when when
some things tend to crash and burn, they
crash and burn epically.
We don't do anything by halves. Right.
And and, you know,
I've I've been there,
you know, where where something goes wrong, you
know, oh, this is your Mhmm. You created
this. You you did this. You deal with
it. Right. Yeah. Okay? Been there, done that,
got the t shirt.
You are not.
You're like,
okay.
This did not pan out.
I have an idea we can try.
What do we do to rectify this? And
and, you know, you you are not
berating me. You are not, you know,
holding, you know, not I don't wanna say
holding accountable, hold hold myself accountable. I made
the decision.
I made the mistake, but you are not,
like,
you know, kinda twisting the knife, so to
speak. Oh, yeah. I'm not so I'm surely
not gonna
make it worse, and I'm not going to
use it as a cudgel against you. No.
And and at from, you know, and then
that point, you are
a a part of the solution
more than anything.
Yeah. I mean, the that's the other thing.
If you make a decision that does not
like, I wanted you to do something else.
Mhmm. I'm gonna give whatever action is my
required part of that decision. I'm gonna give
it everything I've got to make it work.
Mhmm. And then if it doesn't work, I'm
gonna send up a flag and go, hey.
I have an idea. You wanna try something
else? Right.
And, you know, part of that is just
I think that's part of being a good
partner. Okay. Well, yeah. Because I have I
have, in my own way, been on the
other side of not having a supportive,
helpful
partner who, you know, weaponized incompetence and Yeah.
All that stuff.
So I don't I don't want to be
what I don't want
to have in a relationship. Right?
My question for you is Mhmm. Does knowing
that help
relieve the pressure? Does it make
I understand, especially since we've had the conversation
recently,
that the pressure to make the air quote
right decision
can be very
very big and weigh very heavily. Mhmm. And
then if things have not been going right,
we start questioning our own decision making. We've
had that happen mutually.
But
does
am I
relieving pressure from you
by how we handle these things? Yes.
Yes. That makes me feel better. Yes. That
makes me feel better.
Yes.
You know, and and I think that's probably
why I haven't run for the hills.
Here's the thing I'll I'll say from from
my side
of of it.
The
it is easy to be a team player
in whatever decision you make for a few
reasons. 1, I I love you more than
life itself.
I want us together to be successful. Mhmm.
But also,
you do make me a part of it.
There's it's very rare that you just make
a decision and you haven't talked me about
it. And if it is that, it is
something that benefits me, is a surprise for
me, is going to be pleasurable for me,
a thing you might know I want, but
you didn't have to ask if I wanted
this. You we know because we know. Right?
But anything that's going to have
benefits or
the opposite of benefits, to me, I am
absolutely every single time looped in. Consequence, that's
the word. You know? If there's a good
or bad for me, I am part of
that that True. True. Decision making. Yeah.
Is having somebody
like me to your partner, essentially,
to help make decisions, does that relieve some
of the pressure?
Does that help at all, or is it
just part of the process?
I I don't know if it relieves
the pressure per se.
Because again,
in the end,
the final decision Mhmm. Comes out of these
lips.
It's not the only thing. It comes out
of these lips. That's different.
I I think
what that does is it makes the process
easier.
Okay.
Okay?
Mhmm.
I don't know if you're done with this
topic or if we wanna, like, really run
it into the ground or if you'd like
to move on to another pressure. I don't
know what that pressure might be.
Yeah. I feel like we need to do
more dom focused topics because does anybody know
how much he's been talking? It's delightful. You
know. And and, you know, there are times
being the decider can be frustrating.
What makes it frustrating?
Sometimes it's like,
oh my gosh, I gotta
decide on something else now?
When will it ever end?
It will not.
You know, so
yeah. There there are some days it's like,
you know, yeah. I, you know, I I
put myself in this position. I willingly
stepped up to this. I wanted it. Yeah.
Yep. No. You just said wanted.
Do you still want it? Yes. Okay. Okay.
Okay.
And, you know, I I would not
as as much as
there are times it is frustrating,
you know, as much as there are
times where you wonder, you know, you're second
guessing yourself all the time,
I still wouldn't have it any other way.
I think that's ultimately what how you know
you're kind of on the the right path
for yourself. Mhmm.
You know,
I couldn't yeah. I could not imagine myself
not.
And I don't want to imagine it, so
that works.
That works.
So what other pressures do you feel? I
mean, I I get being the decider the
decision making would be top line because it
encompasses so much. But Yeah. What else as
a dominant
that is part of your dominance that
You know, there's there's always the the the
pressure of, yeah, making the decision, you know,
of things that that affect our lives.
The other thing
to me that that kind of comes out
is,
you know, on the
S and M side
of all this.
Because, you know,
yeah, I love beating your ass.
Okay. And I'm glad that you do.
I I I love seeing the the, you
know, the the the color change in some
cheeks and, you know, the the lovely noises
that are made and you know, throughout.
You know, but then there's always there's always,
you know,
you gotta be careful.
Yeah. You know, because what we're doing, you
know, this is fun and and, you know,
you're enjoying it, I'm enjoying it.
Someone can get hurt. Something can go wrong
and someone can get hurt. And it can
take very little for For that. For that
slip to happen. And
And and I I think
I mean, I don't know if I'm the
only one, but I I would think that
that most
dominance would
have that in the in their mind in
some way, shape, or form at some time.
I would think yeah. Dom Topp, anybody who
is
doing the action of a kink scene
Mhmm.
Where there is potential harm and there is
always potential harm,
in everything.
Yeah. The risk levels change and they vary,
but there's risk. Yeah. If you don't feel
the pressure of the responsibility
of that Yeah. I mean, personally, I wouldn't
wanna play with you because
I don't want my partner
I don't wanna be an anxious mess, but
here we are. That's why I'm not in
charge of these things. I don't want a
dom or top that I'm playing with to
be
such an anxious mess that they actually screw
up out of anxiety as a person who
has fucked up because the the anxiousness
just made me too flustered. I know what
that feels like. That's not who I wanna
play with, but I do want to play
with somebody who is aware of the risk,
is watching for the risk,
will do everything in their power to avoid
that. And mitigate as much as can. Yeah.
But when it happens, will then own it.
Right. And feel a sense of, like, if
it's been a I don't even remember the
last time we were playing and you had,
like, a misstep and, like, something didn't hit
right.
You were always
apologetic. Like, you're gonna take care of everything.
You're gonna make sure I'm okay. If I
need, like,
first aid or whatever, I'm gonna get it.
And then you are going to
genuinely,
from the heart,
apologize in a way that I know that
that you mean that.
As you're submissive, I'm gonna do everything I
can. And go, no. No. No. You don't
have to. Please. I don't want that. But
also,
I
appreciate that. Right? Because that shows me
that
you accept the responsibility of the fuck up.
The you know, we say fuck up, and
a lot of people hear that's a kind
of a loaded term of of intentional
Mhmm. Fucking up. But sometimes it's just a
a mistake. Right. Mistakes happen. Accidents happen. It
is why I don't have a lot of
patience for the doms and tobs out there
who wanna talk about not playing with safe
words. You are human at the end of
the fucking day. Right. You can screw up
and your partner needs a way to let
you know things have gone wrong. Mhmm. And
I've I've always appreciated about you that you
don't try to be some sort of superhero,
big and mighty, blustery, like, I am I
am dumb. I am God. Right? Mhmm. Like,
you know that you are human. You
understand your own human limitations.
You are going to do your best within
the confines of your human limitations. Right. But
still
are humble enough to go,
yeah, shit can happen sometimes.
True.
That makes you a safe
partner. That's part of it. Like, there's a
lot that make you there's a lot that
goes into making you a safe partner. That
is one of those things. But, yeah, I
can as an anxious person,
I can imagine the pressure. I know what
kind of pressure I would put on me,
and that is why that's not the right
role for me. Because I I would crumble
under that pressure. Mhmm.
That that pressure specifically,
because you can play and not be in
relationships, you can play with all kinds of
of people. So that's more of a feature
of long term, like, I know I'm kinky,
and you're potentially still playing and singing even
when you're not in relationships.
Does that
feeling of pressure,
does it get easier over time? Does it
stabilize?
Like, how what's the fluctuation
of, like, a kink scene partner pressure? I
I think the the the kink scene,
you know, play
aspect of it, that does get a little
easier.
Okay? With experience, I guess? With with with
time and experience, you know. It it's like
it's like anything else anything else. No no
matter what you do, you you you practice
your craft and you get better. Mhmm. Alright?
And and that's how I think of it,
you know, over the years I've
learned, I've grown as a person, as as
a dominant, as a sadist,
and,
you know, that has made it easier.
It still does not a 100%
eliminate
Right. You know,
because again, you know, whatever can go wrong
will go wrong at the worst possible
moment. Right?
Thank you, Murphy.
Have you had moments
where you felt more pressure in a scene
than others? Like, you and I have been
together
very long time now.
We've known each other almost 11 years. Wow.
No. We've known each other 11. We've known
each other almost 12 years. I don't know
how numbers work. Anyway, we've known each other
over a fucking decade. Right. We have played
together for about a decade. Mhmm. A little
bit more.
Are there times,
like, with the, as stable as our relationship
is Mhmm. Where some of the pressure should
be alleviated because we know each other and
you know my boundaries and blah blah blah
blah. Yeah. Are have there been times in
certain situations where you feel more pressure
in play? Than
others. I think the the biggest pressure
I have felt in regards
to play
over time lately,
or,
you know,
over just over time,
is making the time and finding the time
Yeah. To do it. That that to me,
at this point in time, if you were
if you were, you know, to ask, and
you are,
that that to me right now is the
greatest pressure. Finding the time to to to
play and make it meaningful.
Now part of that is because of the
way our power exchange is negotiated. You are
the decider in all of these things. Correct.
Do some of those does a pressure like
that
ever make you not want to be the
decider or to
decide less often
or
There have been a time or 2
where,
you know, after having one of those days
you know the days I'm talking about. One
of those days.
And, you know, I'd I'd sat down and
I was like,
do I wanna do this anymore?
I mean, fair. I think we should all
feel like we can ask ourselves
that. Have intellectual honesty
with that question. We should not be afraid
to ask ourselves, do I even want to
do this anymore?
You know?
And and I I think, to me, that
that's a self check.
Yeah. I think it's a good one.
You know,
I I think,
you know, even even on your side of
the slash, sometimes you should even ask yourself
that. Yeah. But It's usually when I I
had to go clean up
dog's pupchuck.
So
But, but, yeah, you know, having having days
like that,
it it yeah. It it can make you
wonder if you're doing the right thing at
all. Thinking about finding the time to plan
a scene and having the pressure of trying
to find a plan. Right. Imagine a world
Uh-huh. Where I come and tell you,
hey, daddy.
We're gonna do a scene tonight at 8
o'clock. What does that do to your dominant
heart? Does it just shrivel up
and cringe away?
Or does it feel like,
okay. It
no.
Okay. No. You know, if you were to
come to me and say,
you know, hey, daddy,
you know what,
we're gonna have an empty house Oh, that's
difficult. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Day after tomorrow. Oh,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? And and and, you
know, let's do something.
And that did used to happen. Yes, it
did.
It did.
You know, and I think that is why
now
I I feel that pressure more.
Okay? Because our
life has shifted
Greatly. Greatly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, since
since last October.
And,
Yeah. It, you know, it's it's
not that It's not easy. It's not easy.
And it's, know, it's funny. It's I mean,
for for a while,
you know, we I even took you out
into the to the woodshop. And we can't
do that right now. It's too fucking hot.
It is too fucking hot. Even I
can't stay out there very long right now.
We had 125
feels like temperature the other day. It was
actual temperature of 89 degrees.
I thought it was 90 something. Or I'm
sorry. Yes. 93
and, was 100 and 25,
something like that. But,
you know, yeah. We we don't even have
that opportunity right now. Well, and part of
it is and this is, I think,
many people can relate regardless of whatever kind
of relationship you have. Yeah. The
free and easy stuff is not currently it's
still free, but it's not easy. And when
you do not have
access
to, you know, funds, like, discretionary
income. Right. You know, there was a time
in our life we would go pay to
have solitude somewhere. Oh, yeah. And I look
forward to what we can do. We can
do that again. Yes. Absolutely.
Absolutely. That day will come. Okay. I mean,
I you know,
I I think about
our times how, you know, for for a
good while there,
Phoenix Club used to open
once a month in the morning
and, you know, we would, take the boys
to school.
That was also the time when we lived
30 minutes away from it. Well, we we
were 30 minutes away from it and and
we had that opportunity. Right. Now where we
live now, our dungeons that we're equidistant to
could open in the morning, it does us
fuck all. Well, yeah. No. I I I
get that. I get that.
Really.
Oh. I I had no idea. I think
my cancer daddy is doing that thing where
he's being nostalgic.
Yeah. And waxing nostalgic on a thing that,
yes, it was delightful while we get it.
It was delightful. How does that help us
now?
There's the pressure again, though. Right. Right. See
what you did?
Damn
it.
I was trying to go to my happy
place and get out from under the pressure.
Real problem.
He likes to do that. He likes to
reminisce.
And
my Scorpio bitch ass comes in and goes,
yeah. But can we talk about reality? Because
reminiscent don't get my ass fixed. So I
don't know
what to do for you.
I like to think I relieve the pressure,
with comic relief. That
or by just taking the wind out of
his sails. I don't know.
Now it's now I'm curious about something because
I
have watched you decide when we play over
all these years. Right. And I have seen
the times when it was easier and it
was effortless, and it was also there was
less external stress Mhmm. Making just everything harder.
And I've also seen you when
you've been in the pits of depression
and, you know, the peak stressfulness of our
lives from a few years ago.
When
when your mental health has tanked now we've
had conversations and we've talked about it here
before, but there have been times you've had
to go, I can't make decisions. Right. I'm
not in a good mental space. Mhmm.
First of all, on that one,
when we've had those conversations and you've explained
where you're at and we I go, okay.
Does
for that time when things are super hard
for you mentally, does that relieve a little
bit of pressure or does it add to?
It's a different kind of pressure.
Okay?
You you would think at that point,
you know, me coming to you and say,
hey, look,
my mind is spiraling right now. I I
cannot do that. I cannot. You you would
think that, you know, yes, coming
opening up and and and, you know, saying
those things and would relieve that pressure. But
then you got
and then again, maybe it's just my crazy
mind. I don't know.
But then I think,
but I should be making this decision because
that's who I am. Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm.
It's probably
there there's pros and cons to everything. I
think that's a con to when when your
kink role is part of your identity. Mhmm.
When that's how you define it for yourself
is it's part of your identity. So when
you can't do that thing,
then
you can't quote, this is incorrect, but big
old air quotes, can't be yourself, can't do
the thing you're supposed to do. So I'm
curious.
Okay. Because I've seen that, we've gone through
that. Then I have watched your mental health
spiral
to the point where
it's part it's a little bit of why
we stopped doing our spicy page because
you have to be up and up for
seining and your mental health was not there
to scene. Correct. Which means that
you're outside of spicy page stuff, you're you
were not able to scene.
Is
is there
once it's your mental health, it's for you,
that's depression. Depression. Yeah. Once your depression is
going strong
based on how you experience depression,
does that
increase the pressure
of the not seining, or is there so
little desire to scene that the thing you
feel is not pressure? It might be something
else, but it's not pressure. When I spiral
that far down, there is no desire. So
there's no pressure. If there's no desire.
So the if for kink scenes,
the pressure primarily comes from the desire to
do it, but the not it not being
cheap or easy.
Yeah. When no. I I will I will
I will say this. When when
when when my depression
rears up and it is that bad that
I spiral like that,
yeah, I have no desire.
No desire whatsoever.
Which makes sense. I would expect that. Yeah.
I'm just curious,
because I speak from an anxiety standpoint. Yeah.
My anxiety can make it, so I have
no desire to do something, but I still
feel the pressure because I'm doing that, this
is what it should be doing Yeah. Kind
of self talk. And and there is
How how can I say this? For me,
on on the way down in that spiral,
yes. Okay.
Once I hit it if I hit a
certain
Point. Yeah. Point,
no. Don't even feel it anymore. Don't even
feel it anymore.
Okay. So decision making,
kink seining Mhmm. Pressure.
Do you experience pressure specifically as a daddy
dom, a caregiver?
You know,
not as much.
Not as much.
Being in,
a
say, like, high protocol Mhmm. Okay, type of
of situation.
A lot
to me, that was a fair amount of
pressure. Because there were a lot of decisions
to be made. A lot a lot of
decisions to be made. A lot of high
expectations for Yes. Behavior and stuff. Mhmm. Now,
Mhmm.
Now, for for me, with us being daddy
dom is excuse me, folks, much
more,
relaxing,
so to speak.
But,
maybe others can relate to this, but, you
know, as a daddy dom, am I spoiling
her too much? Am am I am I
So there is some pressure. You know, am
am I am I being too hard on
her? Or, you know
So I will say this, and everybody's gonna
laugh because I know what it's gonna sound
like, but please let me have my, like,
semi colon to finish the thought.
The one thing I am not as a
baby girl at this point in life
is spoiled.
Semi colon,
partial new thought.
Not because he is incapable of spoiling me.
He's capable of it. He does not have
access to resources
with which to spoil me,
and he's a sadist. So sometimes he actually
likes me to be a little miserable,
consensually.
Oh, you mean you wanted me to bring
you home a diet cocaine?
Which is why I stopped sucking ass.
Because then he gets a little sadistic thrill
of going, oh, I know what you wanted.
No.
Which I do find that I do find
that fascinating because it it tracks for me.
It makes sense in my brain that there
would be a push and pull
as a caregiver doll of am I spoiling?
Am I indulging too much? Am I being
too hard? Am I, yeah.
And I can't wait till we get back
to a point in life where
those are decisions you can make again.
I think that's a good kind of pressure.
You know? Yeah.
So,
mister Spak, in the Mhmm. The live chat
mentions health. And
in your case, thankfully,
your health has been fairly stable. Yes. Your
mental health has been our biggest concern, but
then there was there's your back. And there
are things that you have had to deal
with physically, medically.
Mhmm. During those times
Mhmm.
We know we know mental health. We just
had that conversation. Right. But unless your physical
health, like, just the way your back has
has changed and what you've had to change
how you do things over the years, does
that
add to the pressure? Does it create its
own kind of pressure for you? It
it it does create a pressure. Mhmm.
Okay?
Yeah, it does.
You know, because with my
back, for me,
you know,
up here,
I'm still
The head is willing. You know, I'm still
30 years old up here. I mean, same.
Okay. Same. 25, but same. And and and
then when I try to do something Right.
As a 30 year old, my body tells
me, you know,
no. No. No. No.
Yeah.
You know,
so
going through what I have gone through with
my back,
okay,
and into something I have dealt with for
many years. Yeah, like decades at this point.
Yeah. Yeah. It's a chronic condition for you,
that just flares or whatever.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know,
back in my late
mid late thirties when it first started acting
up,
I I would say my body has betrayed
me.
Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay? Mhmm.
You know, I Oh, the hubris of youth.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, you know, one of one of the
reasons I say that is because
up until my back really gave me a
a
that it really went
to a point that I had to,
you know, take notice of it and really
take care of it,
I,
you know, was an avid
kayak fisherman.
Alright?
Loved it. I I had several kayaks
sit on tops that I, you know, go
out in the Gulf on.
Each one was set up for a different
type of fishing,
and and when my back finally exploded, I
had to give that all up.
And ironically, we were
the
literally, 2 days
after we had a conversation
Yeah. A year or so ago
about how we could maybe ease you back
into it Right. With help,
your back when your back is trying to
tell you something. Yeah.
But, you know, what what
comes from it, because I'm a stubborn bastard.
You you really are. Thank you.
You know me for who I am.
You know,
I'm gonna say, well,
you know, I
this is it. I can't do this anymore.
I can't do this certain things anymore.
What it has done for me is,
you know, yeah, it's put the pressure on
me of, you know, not being able to
do things the way I'm I'm used to
doing and would like to do. Right.
But
once get over that
that feeling, it's almost like grieving
Yep. In a in a way.
You know, then I start looking for,
alright, well, what
can I do? How can I do what
I used to do Just in a different
way?
That that I can work around Mhmm. You
know.
Yeah. I mean
Sorry. Go ahead. That's okay.
You know, that's that's that's kind of,
you know, the the outcome,
but, you know, yeah, the the the medical
yeah. Absolutely does put a a good amount
of pressure.
Does that
pressure
get alleviated at all while you're going through
the medical stuff? Like, during that time period
where your back was just that was bad.
Yeah.
When when the doctors are like, how are
you walking?
You know, it's it ain't good. I know.
Is there anything
during that time that can alleviate the pressure?
Or is it a matter of working through
it, getting stabilizing in some way, whatever that
means, and then the pressure? During that moment
Mhmm.
No. The only thought on my mind
is is getting to the other side of
this. And what you're not able to do
while you're Right. Yeah. Yeah.
You know? For sure. And and, you know,
taking care of what I need to do.
Mhmm.
It
Are there times that you have been able
to use
your dominance to alleviate pressure? And I'm what
I mean by that is, like, the way
we're set up, I'm a service sub. So
you don't pick up certain
substances on the ground. I'm I'm trying not
to say it too often. I don't wanna,
like, mess up anybody's, like, stomach or whatever.
Yeah.
And that's the thing that we negotiated that.
But, like,
that
you know, what that also means is
it might be 5 o'clock in the morning.
He wakes up, and it might be 6
o'clock before I wake up.
And I have a task at 601.
But it happened at, like, 2:30 in the
morning. So Yeah. Anyway,
are but are there times
because you you know, the way our power
exchange works, I am your service that I
do things when you tell me to do
them Yes. That you have been able to
use your dominance to alleviate other pressures,
or to alleviate the pressures of some of
your worries that might be tied to power
exchange. To to a certain extent,
yes.
But
I also know
that that is a power
needs to be used cautiously.
Oh, yeah. For sure. For sure. For sure.
Okay?
Be because, you know, what good is it
if I'm feeling
pressured
by all these extraneous things, and I just
take and go,
okay, my baby girl, my beautiful submissive, here,
this is all for you to do now.
Go take care of it. Go take care
of it. And yet there are times I
would give anything to do that for you,
but even I know that there's a limitation
to that, yeah. It's not,
you know, feasible. Not long term. No.
And,
you know,
To me that, you know, overusing,
overreaking something is an abuse of my power.
I would agree with that. And
I don't wanna go there. I appreciate that.
I don't wanna go there. I really do.
So I So I mean, you know, yeah.
Yeah. On on one hand, it could be,
oh, you know, I I can take all
this shit and dump it on somebody else,
and I'm golden. Right.
But it it doesn't. It it just transfers
it to you Right. And and the pressure
is still there, but in a different way.
Right. And then there's a new pressure because
now, you know, you've got a a submissive
who can't keep up, a submissive who's frazzled,
a submissive who's stressed.
Right. There's probably some resentment building, you know,
from Yeah. So, you know, yeah. It's it's
something
I do. I I have done Mhmm. With
you in the past, but I try to
be very judicious about it.
Yeah. And and I appreciate that.
I mean, I like to think that we've
kind of set up our power exchange in
a way that
as often as makes sense for us and
for me specifically,
I try to make your life a little
easier
anyway. True. So that
there are maybe fewer stresses for stressors for
you outside of power exchange, like just in
life in general, or I'm doing things that
make your life a little bit easier. And
so
I want to be able to do that
for you. Yeah. And also, I'm damn grateful
you do not take advantage of that. Yeah.
That's another good self check for the doms
out there. Well, I I mean, again, it
it's one of those things,
if I were to abuse that privilege
okay, what's it gonna do? In the end,
it's
probably gonna drive a wedge. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Now you got problems going on. And and
and then you got problems and, you know,
then your your your power exchange has gone
to shit and what do you got? Right.
So, You know, you you you have to
find
that that balance. You have to walk that
line. And it's a it's a responsibility that
has a level of pressure of its own,
but it's not a
negative pressure. It's just a knowledge of
I gotta be careful. Right. I got
yeah. Excuse me.
Mhmm.
Mhmm. Is there anything else you'd like to
say about the pressures or the privileges that
you experience as a dom?
I don't think so. Because I've ran out
of questions to ask you. So Okay. Okay.
Okay. So yeah. I I think that's yeah.
Like we said at the beginning,
you if you are a dominant, you may
have a completely different experience of what feels
like pressure to you, what feels like a
privilege to you, how you handle those things.
That that's all fine. That is all that's
all fine.
I I find it fascinating that for you,
I sort of expected when I was thinking
about this topic, that you would, like, get
granular in the things where and
and you're like, no, no, no, big picture.
This is where I feel the pressure. The
small stuff takes care of its fucking self.
It's the big thing. It's the big things.
Yeah. And I think that's that's gonna be
one experience. And then somebody else is gonna
be like, no, no, no. I can I
can write you an itemized list of what
where I feel pressure? And I think that's
fine. I think
I don't think it's necessarily
healthy to
spend
all of your time
thinking about how hard things are,
as long as it's something you want to
continue to do. But I do think it's
important to acknowledge
that, yeah, Adam, if if you're in a
good relationship
and you're doing things right, you have it
good.
Mhmm. But also,
that doesn't make it easy to do all
the time or Right.
Stress free all of the time. And that
kind of acknowledgment,
both as an internal check, like, am I
abusing my power? And even as an external
check with your partner,
you know,
because you and I have gotten to a
point over the years that I try to
be really mindful when I can tell that
outside stressors
are impacting you. I try to be
cognizant of that in how I approach you
and how we deal with things. And, you
know, we have enough experience now. I know
to ask, hey. Would you like me to
just, like, take some of these decisions and
just handle them? Yeah. And we can do
that now because we've gone through enough times
where you've had to go, I can't do
it. And we we know each other Right.
Well enough.
You know? So we can
we have we have developed our ways to
navigate them, and we are both aware of
how that kind of stuff can impact you.
Mhmm.
If that is not a conversation
that you and your power exchange have had
with a partner, and and you don't know
how to handle it and you don't know
how your partner either feels about being the
one on the receiving end of the feeling
the pressure or like in my case, if
his
if when the pressure got too much, he
started lashing out
and I wasn't saying anything,
that would be a problem.
So, you know, it's it's good to be
aware of those things. It's good to do
a self check. Yeah. Submissives, if you are
resentful of things in your power exchange that
comes from somewhere, and there are many places
it can come from. We have talked about
this. Lack of self care, overextending
yourself,
not communicating properly,
not managing expectations. But also,
do you have
a dom
who is to alleviate their
own sense of this I'm feeling too much.
This is too much for me,
abusing that power and having you do everything
for them? Do you have a dom who
is being affected by the pressure they feel
but not talking about it or admitting it
and trying to act like everything's fine.
Well, if that's the you you're there's gonna
be resentment building, especially if if
you are like, as
every power change is different, blah blah blah.
There are many things I can still do.
JB can be crumbling
over there physically and mentally,
and I can still keep ticking along doing
what I do as a submissive
in a lot of ways because that's how
we've set ours up. But if you are
a submissive
who
has the kind of power exchange where many,
many parts of your day, your life,
have to get a decision from a partner,
and that partner
is buckling under the weight of some of
the pressure but not talking about it, you
are going to have a different kind of
experience
of that than I am gonna have, and
it is going to directly impact your submission.
There has to be a conversation about it.
And, you know, everybody reacts differently to pressure.
You know, there are there are I will
say, there are times
when
the pressure is on,
man, I'm like, alright, bring it. And it's
a good thing. It's a positive. Yeah. You
know, some sometimes it's a good thing and
like, you know, oh, you're gonna you're gonna
put the screws on? Let's go. It's invigorating.
That's what I want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You
know? And and I just jump in and,
you know,
guns blazing and and, you know, have at
it.
And other times, yeah, it can be tough.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
And I don't I don't think,
acknowledging that, admitting it, figuring out ways to
deal with it is a weakness. Very good.
Yeah.
So yeah. Okay. K. Is that it for
us? I think so. I guess we'll do
a bonus section? Yeah. Okay. K.
So we're good? I don't know.
Maybe. Kinda, sorta. I don't know.
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you
next week.
Dottie.
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk with the
crickets? Yes.
Okay.
I'm pretty sure there was a thing I
was, like, saving for the bonus section.
Gone. Gone.
Gone. I would like to report for the
for the 2nd week in a row. Apparently,
it's like a once a week thing.
I caught
Ella grooming Onyx and Onyx allowing it.
Mhmm.
I don't know if it happens frequently and
just when nobody is watching. I don't know,
but I'm standing in the kitchen. The 2
of them were there.
And I turn around, and their, like, their
face and one another,
they weren't sitting or laying down. They were
standing up. And their
heads are like the cheek to cheek. Mhmm.
And Ella's just nuzzling and cleaning.
And Onyx is standing there and standing there
until she's like, no.
Too much. Too much.
And then she was gone.
Oh, dear. I don't have to tell you
how Lola's doing. She let you know throughout
this entire podcast
thing. Yeah. Lola is very vocal today.
Lord.
Weirdly, there are times I wish she would
be vocal. I I know. It's she when
I and I don't I can't even think
of why I would want her to be
vocal.
But when you want her to be vocal,
not vocal. Yeah. When you're, like, please be
quiet. Mhmm. She's got plenty to stay. But,
you know, I in in her defense,
I know. You know, we She wants her
walk. She she wants her walk.
You know, we we have been working
really, really hard
with her to get her weight down. Mhmm.
You know? And and her walks are are
important for her, you know, to get get
out some exercise because she doesn't dog.
No. She does does not. She ain't chasing
a ball. She ain't running around the yard.
No. She does not understand what the deal
is. What what I find That's my dog.
It is totally hilarious.
She will go outside in the backyard
during the day,
and she will walk out that door. She'll
walk 2 feet away from the door, and
just fall on the ground,
and just sit there and sunbathe. Oh my
god, it could be so hot, and she's
like I would like to lay on this
concrete pad out here. Now, in the meantime,
all around her in the backyard,
the squirrels are frolicking,
and the birds are doing their thing, and
you know what? She never budges. Sometimes there's
even a cat in the backyard. She could
let them And she she doesn't budge.
Now, you you put her on a leash
and take her for a walk, and she
sees a freaking
lizard?
Oh my god. Actually And she'll you'll be
like a kite. If she
is aware enough, like, she's ready to come
back inside from outside,
then,
what am I trying to say? She will
and she sees a lizard, but before I
can, like, open the back door and let
her in, I she let the lizards to
get away from her will go up, like,
our gutter drain thing outside the back door.
And I will hear her her little tippy
toes tippy tapping at that metal drain thing.
Because she is chasing that lizard.
But the other day, she is inside.
I come back inside because I have to
take to get good lighting. I have to
take pictures outside. Yeah.
It's just what it is. So,
for products. So,
I take some pic I go outside, take
some pictures. As I'm on my way back
in, a lizard, a dumbass lizard,
runs straight into our office, and I'm like,
you are taking your own life in your
hands,
lizard,
right past Lola. Lola's laying on the car.
But I was like, oh, okay. Mhmm. It's
something about the leash. It is something about
the leash. I I have to, you know
yeah. It it's it's hilarious what she does.
It's
it's funny. She's a character and we adore
her. Mhmm.
Yep.
She's our girl.
What else we got for the
oh,
so school started this week for everybody but
us.
And I knew what date the first day
of school was here in our our local
area. I was well aware, but I wasn't
thinking about the date. And JB goes, I
saw all these kids just walking down the
road this morning.
It's like it took me a minute to
remember. Oh, yeah. School. Yep. Not in our
house. Not in our house. I am still
reveling in the break we're in. Thank you
very much.
I'm kind of hoping
that,
for 9th grade, the 14 year old's like,
you know what? Maybe I'll speed run. I
get done early. I don't know. We'll see.
But
yeah.
I mean, other than that, it's just
it's our same old same old. Yeah? Yeah.
Same old same old. You know, we're we're
we're dealing with the summer doldrums here. We're
in the, dog days of August. We ended
up not going on our daily walks for,
like, a week and a half. It was
the week that the storm hit, and that
was what? Last
week? I don't know. It was like a
week and a half, 2 weeks worth of
not going on a walk. And I could
tell that I had not been going on
a stupid walk for my stupid mental health.
And then
we were supposed to go last Friday, and
I was the one that went, I I
can't. My Yeah. I had barely slept. Then
Monday, the alarms go off, and Jamie goes,
we're not going. Yeah. So then for today,
because we walk Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I was
like so Tuesday, I was like, we're we're
we're going. Right? We're setting the alarm. He's
like, yeah. We're setting the alarm. And then
I still slept
really bad. I had bad night sleep last
night too. I woke up at 4 o'clock.
Is that what time that was? I I
was awake for it. I just refused to
look at a clock. I was awake at
4 o'clock and
Yeah. Till the alarm went off. I did
a tossy turny kinda thing all night that
was just miserable.
But when the alarm went off for the
walk,
we got our happy asses up. Mhmm. And
did it. You know what? I
I spiraled as I pointed out during this
the sponsored portion of today.
But
before then,
like, we get done with our walk.
And it's a shortened one because the it
has gotten a lot hotter. August and September
are the 2 most miserable months.
So we're whatever. But I was super fucking
productive. Like,
got out of the shower, still dripping wet,
cleaned the bathroom, kind of productive. Yeah.
And I have to admit, I was I
was
pretty productive myself. We need the we need
the fucking one. Yeah.
It it will be it will be shortened
until,
the weather takes place. Until we get through,
you know, like the,
around here, like like the song says wake
me up when September ends?
Yeah.
I mean, it'll will it still be warm
in October? Yes. But the humidity starts to
drop off. Fingers crossed. Yeah. Climate change being
what it is. Yeah.
So, so, yeah, the stupid walk, first two
mental health was a good reminder today that
we really do need it. Yeah. So Yep.
I think that's it. Yeah. I think that's
it. Yeah. Just been you know, we've been
been doing our yard work
when we can. But even that, we've kinda
been
Yeah. And that's an 8 AM endeavor. Yeah.
It's just like
it's there's no way anymore. You you're not
doing it at 10 AM. You will heal
over as soon as I'm out. No. No.
No.
So I guess before we go, just a
reminder, we sponsored us
this week with my I'm gonna say it
again so I could get used to being
perceived. My bookish,
Etsy shop has Halloween
stuff. Streams. And I am adding more Halloween
stuff this week.
I am thinking about tote bags for real
for real. Anyway, I have a couple of
tote bags, but those are different than the
tote bags I'm thinking of. So
and then, yes, Friday night, August 16th 16th
at 9:30 PM EST,
we will be here live. Will there be
adult beverages? I don't know. Will anybody be
wearing a bra? No. No. That will be
a pajama party kinda night.
So Yeah.
Just saying. Mhmm. So I guess, I guess
we can say,
goodbye.
Goodbye,
daddy. I love you.
Okay, Gracie.
Thankfully, I'm old enough to get that reference.
Okay. Good.
Oh my god.
That's what happens when you're when you have
a parent that's almost 40 years older than
you. I know a lot of references
that I probably shouldn't.
Okay. We, we're gonna go thank you Yeah.
For being here, especially if you stayed to
this bitter, bitter inn. Yeah.
And,
yeah, that's all I got. Mhmm. Hopefully, we'll
see you Friday night. Yeah. Anyway, hope to
see you then. Love you. Bye. Love you.
Yeah. Love you. We do love you, Al.
We do.
Because we wouldn't be here without any of
you. I know. But I'm still awkward as
fuck. This will be the thing that keeps
me up tonight. Okay. Goodbye.