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You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode

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407.

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Kayla Lords here with the one, the only,

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the sexily shirtless, John Brownstone.

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So sorry, podcast listeners. You can't actually see

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this, but I can. Now that being said,

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does he look good? Hell, yeah.

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Did I,

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this morning,

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freak out? Because he's a very hairy man

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and I don't mind that. And his stomach

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rubbed against my arm and so his hair

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rubbed against my arm and I thought something

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was crawling on me.

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Yes. That did happen. But I don't mind

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when he goes without his shirt is all

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I was saying.

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The Himalayan fur goblin.

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We got those too. Yeah.

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Okay. That's not what we're talking about.

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This week, we're talking about the pressure that

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doms can feel in their role, but also

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the privileges that they enjoy.

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Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this

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is your first time listening, glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week, welcome

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back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday

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for your kinky pleasure and education, and show

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notes are found at lovingbdsm

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dotnet. Go back often and feel free to

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add the podcast to your favorite podcast app.

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You can also follow the show on FetLife

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at loving BDSM PC.

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On that handle, I will forever fuck. Hate

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on Instagram. Congrats.

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At

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loving d s and the number one. So

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it's at

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loving d s one, and I hate it

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so much.

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Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving

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BDSM, where you can watch us live stream

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the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in

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the show notes. Big thanks as always to

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our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our

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newest peeps. We are able to keep being

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weirdos on the Internet because of our kinky

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patrons, and we are grateful for every fucking

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one of you. If you'd like to join

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our kinky community and get access to extra

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content like an a behind the scenes podcast

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and a live stream and a video

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and then other stuff, plus a Discord server.

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Wow. I know. I know. With super chill

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people that like

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yeah. We're a low drama kind of space.

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I like that about us. You can do

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that.

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Just join us at patreon.com/kayla

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lords. That's patreon.com/kayla

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lords or use the link in the show

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notes. Okay. Before we get into our topic,

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2 announcements.

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1,

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we are sponsoring

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We again this week.

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And even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable

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because I don't like to be perceived because

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of a when I do a thing, but

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whatever, whatever.

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I'm gonna remind you that I have a

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bookish vanilla Etsy shop. Link in the places.

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And I'm saying it right now because,

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like,

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because I don't plan for shit and I

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suck at this kind of stuff. I'm just

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now

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putting out bookish Halloween

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things. Shirts,

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bookmarks. I think I might do totes. Haven't

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decided yet. I've put out some stuff at

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the beginning of this week. Day of recording

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is, what, 14th

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August? I got a sale

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on Halloween stuff that starts

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on August 15th. I will actually run a

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sale on all my Halloween stuff through October.

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The sale will vary of the percentage amounts,

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but there you go. So if you are

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a bookish person and a Halloween person,

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both

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click the link link in the places. Do

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you know knowing that I was going that

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we were going to sponsor we, and it

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was gonna be my vanilla

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bookish

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Etsy shop Mhmm. Sent me into a mental

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spiral.

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Like, just

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the moment I put it in the notes

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for the script, and I do that in

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the morning, y'all, my day was just done

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for. I couldn't even I was working on

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more bookmarks, and I couldn't even do it.

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So, anyway,

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that is a thing that exists. The sale

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will start August 15th. So if you're watching

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the livestream,

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not today, but tomorrow, if you're listening to

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the audio podcast or you're watching

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the video later,

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sale has started. So that's a thing. We're

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doing the thing. I'm talking about the thing.

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Oh,

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even though that's just too much perception for

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me.

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Yes. I understand the irony.

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Okay. I get it. I know what we're

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doing here. Whatever.

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I contain multitudes. Okay?

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Very anxious multitudes.

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So, yeah,

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bookish Etsy shop. It's called Book Dreams Shop.

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Mhmm. So if you wanna just type that

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into your Etsy search bar. Got some good

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stuff. I mean, I think so. Yeah.

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And yeah. Thanks to us for sponsoring us.

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Okay.

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2nd

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and less uncomfortable announcement.

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This Friday,

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August 16th, podcast listeners, that's the day this

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episode goes live. 9:30 PM. It's time for

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our monthly live stream. Yay.

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And we've already planned ahead that we will

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not be waking up early on Sunday as

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we tend to do to our Saturday. Saturday.

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As we tend to do to ourselves. Look.

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I didn't know my name earlier. I don't

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know what days of the week are.

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I'm unraveling in real time.

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So

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Friday, August 16th here on YouTube, 9:30 PM

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EST. 1st 30 minutes, we're just, like, easing

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into stuff and being chaotic. Starting at 10,

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we're still chaotic, but we will also answer

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questions. Yay.

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Yeah.

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So

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that's a thing that's happening. Mhmm. Okay.

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I

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messed

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myself up last week by having very detailed

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notes.

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Uh-oh.

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Oh, good news. Points I wanted to cover

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in the impostor syndrome episode, and then I

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went back to my notes. And how many

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bullet points did I find that I forgot

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to touch? Like, 2.

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So this week,

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no notes.

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Oh, great. Mostly because I'm looking at you.

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Free free wheeling it. Oh, then we're really

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in trouble.

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I will do my best to

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yank and pull and quearse the information out

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of you. Don't worry.

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So for me, in my mind, the

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the main part of this

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week's episode is about the pressure that doms

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can feel. 1, this does not mean submissives

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do not feel pressure

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in a power exchange.

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Talking about 1 does not negate the other.

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We just spend a lot of time talking

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about submissives because submissives are especially vulnerable in

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many of these situations, and that is good

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in writing. We keep talking about that. But

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I don't think we give enough attention to

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dominance sometimes. We gotta talk about these things.

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Also,

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we have talked about different pressures that dominance

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and submissives,

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can feel in a variety of episodes, many

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of which are linked in the places. We've

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talked

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about

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many

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of which are linked in the places. We've

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talked about

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stress. We've talked about mental health. Mhmm. You

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specifically with your depression and how it's affected

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our power exchange. Correct.

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We've talked about decision fatigue. We've talked about

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mental load. We've talked about all these things

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as broad or,

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you know, separate topics. This time, I kinda

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wanna

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attempt to wrap our arms around what I

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know

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is a really big topic, pressure and privilege

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of of being the one in charge.

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The other thing

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is we can only speak from our experience

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and the things that we might label as

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pressure may not feel like pressure to you

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and that is okay. Also, we may not

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mention

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your pressure and that is okay. That is

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what comment sections are for. That's what social

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media is for.

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Feel free to share that

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in spaces where you can. Okay.

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I wanna start first. It's like a good

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news, bad news thing. I wanna start first

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with the privileges of dominance

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because

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I don't know. I just decided I did.

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What do you feel

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as a dom? What is happening with our

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phones? They're just buzzing.

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What do you feel,

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as a dom, are some of the privileges

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you have in Power Exchange? Oh, gosh.

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Well, you know, I I guess the the

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big thing

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would be that,

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you know, I could turn to you and

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say, hey, baby girl, I need to do

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this for you. Baby girl, I need you

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to get that for me.

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Mhmm. Okay? Mhmm. You know, that that is

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a

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a big privilege.

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Yes. And Okay. And you know it's fine.

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Be able to just have somebody say to

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somebody

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Just do the thing Yeah. And then the

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thing is done. And see the thing is,

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it's all within

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consent. Technically, I could withdraw consent at any

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point and not do the thing, But that

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disrupts

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the way our relationship is and the way

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I want our relationship to be, which does

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mean when you just you utilize that privilege,

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sometimes

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I am mumbling under my breath as I'm

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doing it. Or Were you doing that today

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when I came in and said I need

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another coffee?

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No. You know what? It was not the

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coffee. It was the the dog upchuck.

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Ah. Okay. And I had to I was

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I was in my head going, we negotiated.

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He doesn't clean this kind of thing up.

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We negotiated. He doesn't clean this. And then

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I was like, and also he gets up

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and he deals with bugs. He deals with

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bugs for me without complaint. I will do

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this without complaint.

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Yep. I will do many things, but I

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will not clean up vomit.

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Cannot do it. And I'm immune to it

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after

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2

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kids. Anyway Yeah. I will I will go

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after bugs. I will go after lizards. That's

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my privilege. That's why I said this to

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my privilege. I negotiated. I don't have to

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kill the old bugs.

273
00:09:51,745 --> 00:09:54,144
So, yes, you absolutely have that ability to

274
00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:55,684
just turn to me and go,

275
00:09:55,985 --> 00:09:58,909
you know, Genie, make it happen. Right. Right.

276
00:09:58,970 --> 00:10:00,750
What else feels like a privilege?

277
00:10:07,049 --> 00:10:08,429
And and some may disagree

278
00:10:08,970 --> 00:10:09,710
about this,

279
00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:11,574
but just having

280
00:10:12,115 --> 00:10:13,414
someone as a submissive.

281
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,274
I mean, I I think so. I'm Okay.

282
00:10:16,434 --> 00:10:18,194
I'm not down with that whole submission is

283
00:10:18,194 --> 00:10:20,434
a gift thing, because dominance then is a

284
00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:23,017
gift as well. But, yeah, it's it's it

285
00:10:23,017 --> 00:10:24,753
is a privilege because you gotta earn it.

286
00:10:24,753 --> 00:10:26,490
Right. It's where the pressure comes in. You

287
00:10:26,490 --> 00:10:28,661
gotta fucking earn it That's right. To get

288
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,832
it That's right. To keep it. Yeah. So

289
00:10:30,832 --> 00:10:32,569
so, yeah, in in a way, I I

290
00:10:32,569 --> 00:10:34,306
do see that, you know, it may seem

291
00:10:34,306 --> 00:10:36,794
like a very basic tenet of of

292
00:10:37,254 --> 00:10:39,414
this lifestyle. Right. It's the way it works.

293
00:10:39,414 --> 00:10:41,414
Yeah. But, you know, I I see it

294
00:10:41,414 --> 00:10:43,195
as a privilege. You could choose to

295
00:10:44,534 --> 00:10:47,575
remove that Yes. At any point. Yeah. I

296
00:10:47,575 --> 00:10:48,315
mean, yeah.

297
00:10:48,934 --> 00:10:50,690
The the thing that I we have to

298
00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:53,029
if if I can choose to remove it,

299
00:10:53,169 --> 00:10:55,009
you can choose to remove it. So we

300
00:10:55,009 --> 00:10:55,509
are

301
00:10:55,970 --> 00:10:58,049
very fortunate to have one another and to

302
00:10:58,049 --> 00:11:00,289
want to still be doing this. Right. But

303
00:11:00,289 --> 00:11:01,903
as the one with the majority of the

304
00:11:01,903 --> 00:11:01,943
power and control Mhmm. Yeah. And and you

305
00:11:01,943 --> 00:11:02,710
know what? It it's it may

306
00:11:03,695 --> 00:11:04,195
control

307
00:11:06,495 --> 00:11:06,921
Mhmm. Yeah. And and you know what? It

308
00:11:06,939 --> 00:11:07,099
it's it may seem a little extreme, but,

309
00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:08,195
you know, when when

310
00:11:08,575 --> 00:11:09,075
you

311
00:11:09,455 --> 00:11:12,334
think about it, and and let's be honest,

312
00:11:12,334 --> 00:11:13,154
you know,

313
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:14,834
human nature being what it is,

314
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,269
you know, the the privilege

315
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:21,389
of

316
00:11:21,929 --> 00:11:22,429
having

317
00:11:24,009 --> 00:11:25,789
someone at your beck and call

318
00:11:27,129 --> 00:11:28,569
If that's what you negotiate. If that's what

319
00:11:28,569 --> 00:11:30,490
you if that's what you negotiate. Which we

320
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:33,049
do. We absolutely do. You know, having having

321
00:11:33,049 --> 00:11:35,524
someone at at your beck and call,

322
00:11:35,985 --> 00:11:36,965
can be very,

323
00:11:38,705 --> 00:11:39,504
heady, very,

324
00:11:41,024 --> 00:11:42,325
you know, and

325
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,965
It's a privilege that can easily be abused.

326
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,665
Correct. Even with good intentions and not, like,

327
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,399
being a toxic person necessarily.

328
00:11:49,860 --> 00:11:51,779
Right. Yeah. It's it's one that can You

329
00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:52,440
know, because

330
00:11:53,139 --> 00:11:55,240
and and this is something I I thought

331
00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:59,220
very early on in in the lifestyle when

332
00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:01,399
I first started coming in, you know,

333
00:12:02,024 --> 00:12:03,164
you have to

334
00:12:03,704 --> 00:12:04,204
keep

335
00:12:04,504 --> 00:12:06,524
some kind of a a

336
00:12:07,784 --> 00:12:09,565
a sane mind, maybe.

337
00:12:10,504 --> 00:12:11,084
You know,

338
00:12:12,584 --> 00:12:15,004
because as they always said, absolute power corrupts

339
00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:17,320
absolutely. Yeah. You gotta be, there's a word.

340
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,679
I know that there's a word and I

341
00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:20,220
don't can't think of what it is. Pragmatic,

342
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,299
for sure. Yeah. Humble

343
00:12:22,759 --> 00:12:23,980
There you go. For sure.

344
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,419
There you go.

345
00:12:25,799 --> 00:12:28,379
You know, because that that kind of power

346
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:30,679
can go to your head if, you know,

347
00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,035
you let it, you know, egos being what

348
00:12:33,035 --> 00:12:35,915
they are. Right. It it's, you know, like

349
00:12:35,915 --> 00:12:37,535
I said before, human nature.

350
00:12:38,075 --> 00:12:39,995
And and I think, you know, what what

351
00:12:39,995 --> 00:12:42,894
you said was was said earlier about rescinding,

352
00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:44,669
you know, consent,

353
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:48,190
that is that right there

354
00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:49,929
may as one of the biggest

355
00:12:50,329 --> 00:12:52,009
thank you Lola, I'm glad you agree with

356
00:12:52,009 --> 00:12:52,509
me.

357
00:12:53,929 --> 00:12:55,449
That right there is one of the biggest

358
00:12:55,449 --> 00:12:56,429
checks and balances

359
00:12:56,809 --> 00:13:00,075
Mhmm. Of of that. Mhmm. You know? Because

360
00:13:00,075 --> 00:13:00,575
otherwise,

361
00:13:00,955 --> 00:13:03,195
you know, things could just spiral out of

362
00:13:03,195 --> 00:13:03,695
control.

363
00:13:04,154 --> 00:13:04,654
Oh.

364
00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:07,134
Which is funny. I think

365
00:13:07,595 --> 00:13:09,774
we've kind of had this conversation before.

366
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,799
It's when we talk when

367
00:13:13,419 --> 00:13:15,019
we don't talk about it, not anymore. I

368
00:13:15,019 --> 00:13:16,399
think we might have at one time,

369
00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:19,019
about the air quotes, submissives have all the

370
00:13:19,019 --> 00:13:21,120
power, which is not at all true.

371
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:24,725
But it's because when we're thinking about consent

372
00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:28,725
being given or being withdrawn, we are typically

373
00:13:28,785 --> 00:13:32,144
thinking of the dominance privilege of getting to

374
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:33,985
have the power and control. The only reason

375
00:13:33,985 --> 00:13:35,680
that they do have that is because the

376
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,940
submissive has consented, which is factually

377
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,560
true. And so when we say, oh, well,

378
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,160
you can't have that. I I could just

379
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,180
change my mind in a point. Also factually

380
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,500
true. We forget that that goes both ways.

381
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,320
I could wanna submit to you left, right,

382
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,259
and center, but if you do not consent.

383
00:13:50,735 --> 00:13:53,375
It ain't gonna happen. Right. So that's one

384
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,615
of those things where the the privilege of

385
00:13:55,615 --> 00:13:58,014
that is probably even if people don't think

386
00:13:58,014 --> 00:13:59,634
of it as a privilege

387
00:14:00,014 --> 00:14:00,995
Mhmm. Is

388
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:04,115
probably the most top of mind, like, benefit

389
00:14:04,414 --> 00:14:06,389
of being a dom. Yeah. You know, you

390
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,870
you get to within the bounds in what

391
00:14:08,870 --> 00:14:10,710
you negotiate you get to do what you

392
00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:11,529
wanna do

393
00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:13,129
as long as I'm willing

394
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:15,690
to let you do what you wanna do.

395
00:14:16,629 --> 00:14:17,129
Absolutely.

396
00:14:18,070 --> 00:14:18,825
Anything else?

397
00:14:22,424 --> 00:14:24,424
Not that I can think of. Would you

398
00:14:24,424 --> 00:14:27,144
like me to help you? Sure. Here so

399
00:14:27,144 --> 00:14:28,504
this is Sure. It's just one. I don't

400
00:14:28,504 --> 00:14:30,024
have, like, a laundry list, but the one

401
00:14:30,024 --> 00:14:31,304
that always comes to mind

402
00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:32,639
because I have very

403
00:14:34,379 --> 00:14:35,679
preferred sensations

404
00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:39,019
True. True. Okay. Is that in the way

405
00:14:39,019 --> 00:14:39,919
we've negotiated

406
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,839
our power exchange,

407
00:14:42,539 --> 00:14:46,125
you decide the tenor of a kink scene.

408
00:14:46,524 --> 00:14:49,884
Now True true. I have every ability and

409
00:14:49,884 --> 00:14:51,804
willingness to say I would like this, I'm

410
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,684
I would like this sensation. Can we do

411
00:14:54,684 --> 00:14:57,404
this? What about that toy? We haven't done

412
00:14:57,404 --> 00:15:00,205
this in a while, but the way we've

413
00:15:00,205 --> 00:15:01,264
set this up

414
00:15:02,790 --> 00:15:04,330
is he chooses. Right?

415
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:05,529
Thankfully,

416
00:15:06,070 --> 00:15:06,570
he

417
00:15:06,950 --> 00:15:08,629
listens to what I ask for. He takes

418
00:15:08,629 --> 00:15:09,610
it into consideration.

419
00:15:10,790 --> 00:15:14,570
Being the sadist bastard that he is, like,

420
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:17,355
one scene will be what I like, and

421
00:15:17,355 --> 00:15:19,934
the next 3 scenes will be what he

422
00:15:19,995 --> 00:15:21,754
likes. And then we and then there'll be

423
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,434
a scene that's a combo of both of

424
00:15:23,434 --> 00:15:25,274
those. Joe, she'll walk in there, and there'll

425
00:15:25,274 --> 00:15:27,514
be one of her favorite toys next to

426
00:15:27,514 --> 00:15:30,139
one of her least favorite toys. Right. Exactly.

427
00:15:31,559 --> 00:15:32,940
And that and

428
00:15:33,639 --> 00:15:35,480
for how we've negotiated things, that is a

429
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,419
privilege because every once in a while,

430
00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:41,720
I I am willing to do and I

431
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,120
still consent, but I'm like, oh, I really

432
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,684
could've gone for the deep tissue massage kind

433
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:47,345
of sensation

434
00:15:47,804 --> 00:15:49,985
today. That would have been great.

435
00:15:51,245 --> 00:15:54,144
And that's that's an effect of

436
00:15:54,924 --> 00:15:55,904
we do not

437
00:15:56,284 --> 00:15:58,945
sit down and, in a detailed way, negotiate

438
00:15:59,004 --> 00:16:01,110
each individual scene. Correct.

439
00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:04,049
If we did, there would be the opportunity

440
00:16:04,049 --> 00:16:05,090
for me to go, hey. This is what

441
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:06,129
I need today, and this is what I

442
00:16:06,129 --> 00:16:07,970
don't think I can tolerate much of. Mhmm.

443
00:16:07,970 --> 00:16:09,809
We don't play that way because it is

444
00:16:09,809 --> 00:16:12,070
also about power and control.

445
00:16:12,529 --> 00:16:12,850
And I

446
00:16:13,615 --> 00:16:15,455
We we did that more so in the

447
00:16:15,455 --> 00:16:18,014
beginning. Sure. And I think I think regardless

448
00:16:18,014 --> 00:16:19,615
of how a relationship shakes out and what

449
00:16:19,615 --> 00:16:21,615
you ultimately negotiate, that's probably how it should

450
00:16:21,615 --> 00:16:23,455
start because you just don't know one another

451
00:16:23,455 --> 00:16:26,175
well enough yet. Mhmm. But I want the

452
00:16:26,175 --> 00:16:27,315
lack of control

453
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:28,679
more than I want

454
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,759
to get exactly what sensation I want. What

455
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:35,559
I have found that I will do is

456
00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:36,460
if we've had

457
00:16:37,159 --> 00:16:37,659
multiple

458
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,039
even short, like, little 10, 15 minute scenes,

459
00:16:40,039 --> 00:16:42,279
multiple short scenes in a row where I

460
00:16:42,279 --> 00:16:44,625
was barely holding on because that was that

461
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,384
sensation was not doing the good things to

462
00:16:46,384 --> 00:16:48,625
me, then it's my job to speak up

463
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:49,684
and go, hey.

464
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:51,205
Alright.

465
00:16:52,384 --> 00:16:54,705
I know you like the things that make

466
00:16:54,705 --> 00:16:57,985
me merely or actually cry, but I could

467
00:16:57,985 --> 00:16:58,485
use

468
00:16:59,345 --> 00:17:00,165
these sensations.

469
00:17:02,490 --> 00:17:04,429
And I it's you are

470
00:17:04,970 --> 00:17:08,430
judicious enough with trying to find that balance

471
00:17:08,809 --> 00:17:11,690
Mhmm. That I've never once thought we need

472
00:17:11,690 --> 00:17:13,849
to renegotiate how we do this because it

473
00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:14,204
does

474
00:17:14,684 --> 00:17:17,184
overall work. It just means that if

475
00:17:17,484 --> 00:17:19,265
I've had to get better

476
00:17:19,964 --> 00:17:21,825
about talking to you about my headspace

477
00:17:22,444 --> 00:17:22,944
before

478
00:17:23,325 --> 00:17:25,804
any kink happens Mhmm. And you've had to

479
00:17:25,804 --> 00:17:27,345
learn through my communication

480
00:17:27,929 --> 00:17:29,529
what I mean when I'm talking about those

481
00:17:29,529 --> 00:17:30,029
headspaces.

482
00:17:30,409 --> 00:17:31,549
Because there

483
00:17:31,849 --> 00:17:34,509
are certain times where if, like, my anxiety

484
00:17:34,569 --> 00:17:36,109
is riding me really hard,

485
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:37,389
sharp,

486
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:39,950
stingy pains that I endure

487
00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:43,549
as submission and sometimes enjoy as a masochist

488
00:17:44,144 --> 00:17:45,845
are much harder to handle

489
00:17:46,705 --> 00:17:48,085
than the thuddy

490
00:17:48,465 --> 00:17:50,404
relaxing sensations I prefer.

491
00:17:50,865 --> 00:17:53,424
And if I'm not letting him know that

492
00:17:53,424 --> 00:17:54,244
my anxiety

493
00:17:54,545 --> 00:17:57,045
is at a fucking 11 right now,

494
00:17:57,664 --> 00:18:00,039
you know, he's he's gonna think, oh, okay.

495
00:18:00,039 --> 00:18:02,839
Everything's mostly normal. I'll just do what I

496
00:18:02,839 --> 00:18:03,900
would normally do.

497
00:18:04,599 --> 00:18:05,099
But,

498
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,900
yeah, I do I do think the coordination

499
00:18:10,279 --> 00:18:11,259
of all scenes

500
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:13,099
is a privilege.

501
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,054
It is a privilege that I choose to

502
00:18:16,434 --> 00:18:18,274
just let you have and not try to

503
00:18:18,274 --> 00:18:21,634
negotiate something different. Okay. My recommendation would be

504
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,974
for anybody out there who tries that.

505
00:18:24,595 --> 00:18:27,234
And if you are resentful or upset or

506
00:18:27,234 --> 00:18:28,755
not getting enough of what you want, feel

507
00:18:28,755 --> 00:18:30,940
free to renegotiate that. I don't wanna change

508
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:31,440
that.

509
00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:33,740
Yes, Lola. I know you agree with me,

510
00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:35,279
and I appreciate that. Let

511
00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:37,179
me see if I can get her in

512
00:18:37,179 --> 00:18:38,799
the other room. Oh my god.

513
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,684
She is a menace today.

514
00:18:44,245 --> 00:18:45,684
She's gonna get her hopes up with you

515
00:18:45,684 --> 00:18:47,065
opening that door over there.

516
00:18:48,725 --> 00:18:49,945
And I had a thought.

517
00:18:50,485 --> 00:18:53,285
And did it just melt away into the

518
00:18:53,285 --> 00:18:55,140
ether? Yes. It did. Yes. Yes. It did.

519
00:18:56,079 --> 00:18:57,700
She's not listening to JB.

520
00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:58,740
So,

521
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:00,960
I am the best good girl in this

522
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,179
room right now,

523
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,380
and so I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

524
00:19:07,625 --> 00:19:09,944
Do I feel weird for comparing myself to

525
00:19:09,944 --> 00:19:12,044
the dog? A little, but, you know, whatever.

526
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:13,804
Whatever. We do,

527
00:19:14,345 --> 00:19:16,664
remind JB that he is surrounded by baby

528
00:19:16,664 --> 00:19:17,724
girls in this house.

529
00:19:19,384 --> 00:19:19,884
So

530
00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:24,660
I'm trying to think of if there's anything

531
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:26,180
else because I had a thought and it's

532
00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:27,859
just poofed away and I can't get it

533
00:19:27,859 --> 00:19:29,779
back. It's gone now. No, dear. I'm trying

534
00:19:29,779 --> 00:19:31,059
to think if there's anything else that when

535
00:19:31,059 --> 00:19:32,180
I look at you, I'm like, well, that's

536
00:19:32,180 --> 00:19:32,840
a privilege.

537
00:19:33,220 --> 00:19:34,039
I you know?

538
00:19:37,894 --> 00:19:38,454
No. I

539
00:19:39,815 --> 00:19:41,974
from my perspective. Like, you've already named the

540
00:19:41,974 --> 00:19:43,894
obvious ones. The I got somebody who'll do

541
00:19:43,894 --> 00:19:44,934
what the hell I tell them to do

542
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,054
when I tell them to do it. You

543
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:48,134
know? I have a submissive of those kinds

544
00:19:48,134 --> 00:19:49,174
of things and, you know,

545
00:19:50,375 --> 00:19:52,480
are there others? Are there other things that

546
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,900
somebody else would classify as a privilege? Yes.

547
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:56,579
That's fine.

548
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:59,299
We're gonna move on, I think, to pressures.

549
00:20:00,319 --> 00:20:01,859
Because I feel like

550
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,099
this is

551
00:20:04,785 --> 00:20:06,865
the thing that I'm sure there are people

552
00:20:06,865 --> 00:20:08,705
talking about it, but it's not as widely

553
00:20:08,705 --> 00:20:10,404
discussed. Because we talk about responsibility

554
00:20:10,865 --> 00:20:13,125
of a dominant Yeah. Which is very important.

555
00:20:13,184 --> 00:20:15,424
And a a decent dom, a dom who's

556
00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:18,130
at least giving a fucking try, is going

557
00:20:18,130 --> 00:20:19,589
to feel the weight of that responsibility.

558
00:20:20,369 --> 00:20:22,049
But that does mean that there are then

559
00:20:22,049 --> 00:20:24,390
pressures that can come with that. Oh, yeah.

560
00:20:24,609 --> 00:20:25,109
So

561
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:28,549
what kind of pressure do you feel

562
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:30,230
as a dominant

563
00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:33,734
other than the pressure to do Lola's

564
00:20:37,554 --> 00:20:38,054
bidding.

565
00:20:39,634 --> 00:20:40,515
That girl is,

566
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,774
something else tonight. She is? Yep.

567
00:20:49,579 --> 00:20:51,339
Yeah. There there is a good amount of

568
00:20:51,339 --> 00:20:51,839
pressure.

569
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:54,319
That goes

570
00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:57,315
We've got to ignore her. Go ahead. There's

571
00:20:57,315 --> 00:20:58,714
a good amount of pressure. There there is

572
00:20:58,714 --> 00:21:00,474
a good amount of pressure because, you know,

573
00:21:00,474 --> 00:21:00,954
when it,

574
00:21:02,154 --> 00:21:03,674
let's face it, when it comes down to

575
00:21:03,674 --> 00:21:05,294
it, you know, as as you always

576
00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:07,934
like to to tell people, I'm the decider.

577
00:21:08,315 --> 00:21:10,759
Mhmm. And again, that's how we That's how

578
00:21:10,759 --> 00:21:13,000
we negotiated it. That that's how we we

579
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,700
set up our our relationship.

580
00:21:15,319 --> 00:21:16,279
But, you know, that's,

581
00:21:17,639 --> 00:21:19,319
that's a good deal of, weight on your

582
00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:23,000
shoulder sometimes. Is it the fact that you

583
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:23,740
have to

584
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,174
is it the responsibility

585
00:21:26,634 --> 00:21:27,454
of owning

586
00:21:27,755 --> 00:21:30,234
the outcome based on the decision, or is

587
00:21:30,234 --> 00:21:32,875
it the process the mental process of making

588
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:35,355
the decision? It's more the outcome of the

589
00:21:35,355 --> 00:21:35,855
decision.

590
00:21:36,634 --> 00:21:38,759
Yeah. I feel that kind of pressure too.

591
00:21:39,859 --> 00:21:42,339
Mostly because I forget that I actually don't

592
00:21:42,339 --> 00:21:43,880
have to be the decider.

593
00:21:45,779 --> 00:21:47,619
And sometimes when I feel the pressure too

594
00:21:47,619 --> 00:21:49,380
much, that's when I finally throw it back

595
00:21:49,380 --> 00:21:52,259
to you and go, hey. Yeah. Gotta need

596
00:21:52,259 --> 00:21:54,535
those decidery skills you got. Mhmm.

597
00:21:56,835 --> 00:21:57,335
Yeah.

598
00:21:59,634 --> 00:22:00,134
So,

599
00:22:00,674 --> 00:22:02,775
you know, yeah, there there is because,

600
00:22:04,759 --> 00:22:06,519
you know, oh my god, when when you

601
00:22:06,519 --> 00:22:08,200
think about it, especially with some of the

602
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:08,700
decisions,

603
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:09,820
you know,

604
00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:11,100
it it's

605
00:22:11,559 --> 00:22:14,360
it's one thing when you were deciding for

606
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:14,860
yourself.

607
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,095
Sure. Which can have its own kind of

608
00:22:17,095 --> 00:22:18,695
pressure. Which has its own kind of pressure.

609
00:22:18,695 --> 00:22:19,595
True true true.

610
00:22:21,575 --> 00:22:22,875
You know, but

611
00:22:23,414 --> 00:22:24,875
then you throw

612
00:22:25,174 --> 00:22:27,015
another person into the mix, and in some

613
00:22:27,015 --> 00:22:29,894
cases, you know, family and and and whatnot,

614
00:22:29,894 --> 00:22:32,250
and and you know, everything sits on your

615
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:34,190
shoulders for that and it's like,

616
00:22:34,649 --> 00:22:36,970
o m g. How do you or do

617
00:22:36,970 --> 00:22:39,769
you alleviate some of that pressure? How do

618
00:22:39,769 --> 00:22:40,829
you deal with it?

619
00:22:42,009 --> 00:22:44,190
Not well, is that what that sign means?

620
00:22:47,294 --> 00:22:50,355
Lately, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Lately, yeah.

621
00:22:52,174 --> 00:22:52,755
You know,

622
00:22:53,095 --> 00:22:53,595
I

623
00:22:54,095 --> 00:22:55,615
all through most of my life, I I

624
00:22:55,615 --> 00:22:56,355
have always

625
00:22:56,734 --> 00:22:58,355
prided myself on,

626
00:22:58,734 --> 00:22:59,474
you know,

627
00:23:00,250 --> 00:23:02,730
thinking through things and and, you know, looking

628
00:23:02,730 --> 00:23:04,970
at at all sides of things and and

629
00:23:04,970 --> 00:23:06,669
making the best educated

630
00:23:08,809 --> 00:23:09,950
decision I can

631
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:11,150
at the time.

632
00:23:11,609 --> 00:23:13,230
And and it's always

633
00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:16,095
I, you know, I've always done

634
00:23:16,795 --> 00:23:18,174
well with it.

635
00:23:23,515 --> 00:23:25,535
And, the last few years

636
00:23:26,234 --> 00:23:28,234
We had this conversation a few days ago.

637
00:23:28,234 --> 00:23:28,650
Yeah.

638
00:23:29,930 --> 00:23:32,009
You know, the the last few years with

639
00:23:32,009 --> 00:23:34,170
with with everything that has been going on,

640
00:23:34,170 --> 00:23:35,690
you know, some of it we've talked about

641
00:23:35,690 --> 00:23:37,289
here, some of it we haven't talked about,

642
00:23:37,289 --> 00:23:38,589
and then probably won't.

643
00:23:38,890 --> 00:23:39,390
But,

644
00:23:41,065 --> 00:23:43,144
you know, there have been a few times,

645
00:23:43,144 --> 00:23:43,644
yeah,

646
00:23:44,105 --> 00:23:45,865
I've been like, I I wanna throw in

647
00:23:45,865 --> 00:23:48,025
the towel. I don't wanna make the decisions

648
00:23:48,025 --> 00:23:49,965
anymore. Yeah. I, you know,

649
00:23:50,825 --> 00:23:52,744
I, you know, with with the way some

650
00:23:52,744 --> 00:23:54,345
of these things are going, I'm I'm second

651
00:23:54,345 --> 00:23:56,410
guessing myself here. What am I And that's

652
00:23:56,410 --> 00:23:57,730
the conversation we had a few days ago.

653
00:23:57,730 --> 00:23:59,730
We were both in this we're I think

654
00:23:59,809 --> 00:24:01,329
I don't even think we've made decisions. I

655
00:24:01,329 --> 00:24:03,009
think we're sitting there right even now. It's

656
00:24:03,009 --> 00:24:04,369
all up in the air. We're like, what

657
00:24:04,369 --> 00:24:06,309
do we wanna do about thing?

658
00:24:06,690 --> 00:24:08,609
Mhmm. And the conversation we had is neither

659
00:24:08,609 --> 00:24:09,829
of us trust ourselves

660
00:24:10,355 --> 00:24:12,055
because for several years,

661
00:24:12,434 --> 00:24:15,414
we were making choices of paths to take

662
00:24:15,875 --> 00:24:18,275
thinking that, okay, this will be the same.

663
00:24:18,515 --> 00:24:20,355
Be the the good Detroit, the good path

664
00:24:20,355 --> 00:24:23,555
to take. And it we've been wrong more

665
00:24:23,555 --> 00:24:25,289
times than we've been right.

666
00:24:25,850 --> 00:24:27,210
And, yeah, I could I could see that

667
00:24:27,210 --> 00:24:29,230
weighs on you. Mhmm. Mhmm.

668
00:24:30,730 --> 00:24:31,470
What else?

669
00:24:31,850 --> 00:24:33,450
Do me a favor. Hold that thought. Oh,

670
00:24:33,450 --> 00:24:34,570
no. You want me to hold on to

671
00:24:34,570 --> 00:24:36,410
the thought? Hold on to that thought, and

672
00:24:36,410 --> 00:24:38,009
I'll be right back. I'm gonna try something

673
00:24:38,009 --> 00:24:39,230
real quick. Okay.

674
00:24:40,250 --> 00:24:40,545
Okay.

675
00:24:42,865 --> 00:24:45,825
I'll say from my perspective that hit the

676
00:24:45,825 --> 00:24:47,765
pressure he feels to be the decider,

677
00:24:48,144 --> 00:24:48,725
I think

678
00:24:49,184 --> 00:24:51,744
we all, to a certain extent, know what

679
00:24:51,744 --> 00:24:54,384
that pressure feels like. As grown adults, we

680
00:24:54,384 --> 00:24:55,684
all have to make decisions

681
00:24:56,384 --> 00:24:58,140
for ourselves at some point.

682
00:24:58,519 --> 00:24:59,019
And

683
00:24:59,559 --> 00:25:01,880
if you've never been overwhelmed by a decision

684
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:03,320
you need to make, you've lived a very

685
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:04,460
privileged life.

686
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:07,580
I

687
00:25:09,275 --> 00:25:10,095
I know

688
00:25:10,394 --> 00:25:12,174
one of the things I enjoyed

689
00:25:12,634 --> 00:25:15,275
about being a submissive Gotta go outside for

690
00:25:15,275 --> 00:25:16,234
a little bit. At,

691
00:25:16,875 --> 00:25:17,694
in the beginning

692
00:25:18,075 --> 00:25:18,575
was

693
00:25:19,034 --> 00:25:21,359
getting to to release the pressure and the

694
00:25:21,599 --> 00:25:24,319
responsibility of making decisions and hand it off

695
00:25:24,319 --> 00:25:25,539
to somebody else.

696
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:28,960
But just, you know, if you are a

697
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,740
submissive who's who knows that

698
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,920
that feeling of relief, you then have to

699
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:34,980
probably understand

700
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:36,900
fully what it must mean

701
00:25:37,605 --> 00:25:39,464
for somebody who bears that responsibility

702
00:25:40,085 --> 00:25:40,585
consistently

703
00:25:41,444 --> 00:25:42,884
to then have double it because you like

704
00:25:42,884 --> 00:25:44,404
you said, you're not making decisions just for

705
00:25:44,404 --> 00:25:46,484
you. Right. You're making decisions for us and

706
00:25:46,484 --> 00:25:47,944
what all of us encompasses.

707
00:25:48,565 --> 00:25:51,125
Yes. Now you're not doing it alone. True.

708
00:25:51,125 --> 00:25:52,900
And I think anybody who feels, if you're

709
00:25:52,900 --> 00:25:54,779
a down out there who feels the that

710
00:25:54,779 --> 00:25:56,460
kind of pressure and it's Mhmm. Weighing you

711
00:25:56,460 --> 00:25:58,240
down and it's making it hard to function,

712
00:25:59,180 --> 00:26:01,259
are you talking to your submissive and getting

713
00:26:01,259 --> 00:26:02,000
their input?

714
00:26:02,619 --> 00:26:04,694
Right. You know, making the decision with them?

715
00:26:05,014 --> 00:26:06,534
And and you know that that was something,

716
00:26:06,534 --> 00:26:08,615
yeah, that I was gonna say say next

717
00:26:08,615 --> 00:26:10,534
is, you know, the the nice thing is

718
00:26:10,534 --> 00:26:12,234
that, you know, one,

719
00:26:12,694 --> 00:26:14,234
I value your opinion.

720
00:26:14,615 --> 00:26:15,115
Mhmm.

721
00:26:15,494 --> 00:26:15,994
Okay?

722
00:26:17,299 --> 00:26:19,299
You know, and and this this is because

723
00:26:19,460 --> 00:26:20,839
and and again, this is something

724
00:26:21,220 --> 00:26:21,880
I've said

725
00:26:22,259 --> 00:26:24,259
for a long time, said it always early

726
00:26:24,259 --> 00:26:25,700
on, and maybe it needs to be said

727
00:26:25,700 --> 00:26:26,200
again.

728
00:26:26,740 --> 00:26:28,659
You know, the way I see Kayla and

729
00:26:28,659 --> 00:26:29,880
I's relationship,

730
00:26:30,339 --> 00:26:31,319
we are equals.

731
00:26:32,234 --> 00:26:33,855
We are equals in a

732
00:26:34,315 --> 00:26:34,815
consensually

733
00:26:37,355 --> 00:26:38,875
God. You always say it funny to me,

734
00:26:38,875 --> 00:26:40,734
but I know what you it's a negotiated

735
00:26:40,875 --> 00:26:43,375
power imbalance. Power imbalance, yes. Okay?

736
00:26:44,555 --> 00:26:45,769
But, you know,

737
00:26:46,549 --> 00:26:48,490
I always come to you for your

738
00:26:49,109 --> 00:26:50,650
your thoughts on things.

739
00:26:51,670 --> 00:26:52,730
There are certain

740
00:26:53,349 --> 00:26:54,330
things that,

741
00:26:56,470 --> 00:26:59,029
because she has more knowledge in in certain

742
00:26:59,029 --> 00:27:00,490
things than I do,

743
00:27:01,454 --> 00:27:03,214
And I certainly have an opinion on something

744
00:27:03,214 --> 00:27:05,295
even if I don't have more knowledge. Well,

745
00:27:05,295 --> 00:27:06,815
you know. This is my life too. Yeah.

746
00:27:06,815 --> 00:27:08,914
Yeah. I know. I it's yeah. I know.

747
00:27:08,974 --> 00:27:11,295
Funny. But Yeah. This isn't you're making decisions

748
00:27:11,295 --> 00:27:12,377
for us and our life. Right. I absolutely

749
00:27:12,377 --> 00:27:12,462
have opinions on what I would like my

750
00:27:12,462 --> 00:27:13,234
life to look like. Mhmm.

751
00:27:18,669 --> 00:27:21,089
But, you know, even even with that, even

752
00:27:21,470 --> 00:27:23,470
coming to you, you know, and okay, here's

753
00:27:23,470 --> 00:27:25,230
here's what's going on, this is what we're

754
00:27:25,230 --> 00:27:27,149
facing, you know, here are some of the

755
00:27:27,149 --> 00:27:28,769
options, what do you you know,

756
00:27:29,664 --> 00:27:30,724
But in the end,

757
00:27:31,585 --> 00:27:32,484
it's just you

758
00:27:33,105 --> 00:27:35,365
on these shoulders. I mean, I'm damn grateful.

759
00:27:35,505 --> 00:27:37,505
And you have not just gone fuck this

760
00:27:37,505 --> 00:27:40,384
power exchange thing. Every person for themselves make

761
00:27:40,384 --> 00:27:41,525
your own damn decisions.

762
00:27:43,105 --> 00:27:44,799
I'm very grateful that that is not how

763
00:27:44,799 --> 00:27:46,100
that has gone. Yeah.

764
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:47,220
So,

765
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,720
you know yeah. There there there is that,

766
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:51,380
you know.

767
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:54,799
Then again too, like, when we bought the

768
00:27:54,799 --> 00:27:56,660
house, you have knowledge of

769
00:27:57,744 --> 00:27:58,804
real estate that

770
00:27:59,825 --> 00:28:00,304
I

771
00:28:00,784 --> 00:28:02,565
Sure. Couldn't even begin to fathom,

772
00:28:02,865 --> 00:28:04,644
you know, so when it came to

773
00:28:05,105 --> 00:28:07,684
to, you know, anytime we

774
00:28:09,585 --> 00:28:12,720
Keep talking. Anytime we shifted properties like that,

775
00:28:12,799 --> 00:28:14,579
you know, I relied on you,

776
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:16,960
because that that is the world that you

777
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:17,859
know and understand.

778
00:28:20,159 --> 00:28:20,659
So,

779
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:23,220
you know, that that to me

780
00:28:23,599 --> 00:28:24,734
is is a big

781
00:28:25,934 --> 00:28:28,015
help in helping to relieve some of the

782
00:28:28,015 --> 00:28:29,075
pressure. Mhmm.

783
00:28:30,255 --> 00:28:32,494
Does it I want it to help. I

784
00:28:32,494 --> 00:28:34,575
know for me and other parts of life

785
00:28:34,575 --> 00:28:37,315
it helps. Does it help that

786
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:40,580
when you make a decision

787
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,539
my here's my thing on it. Mhmm.

788
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,740
I back the decision. Even if we disagreed

789
00:28:47,119 --> 00:28:48,500
prior to making the decision,

790
00:28:48,799 --> 00:28:50,480
even if I'm like, we should've gone in

791
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,720
another way, or we can go in another

792
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,295
way, here's what I think we should do,

793
00:28:54,295 --> 00:28:55,674
and you decide something different.

794
00:28:56,615 --> 00:28:58,535
I'm going to back that decision and give

795
00:28:58,535 --> 00:29:00,714
it my all. I am not going to

796
00:29:01,174 --> 00:29:03,595
not do my part to purposely

797
00:29:04,134 --> 00:29:06,775
throw things off. I'm not gonna, I told

798
00:29:06,775 --> 00:29:09,170
you so if it doesn't go well. Yeah.

799
00:29:09,170 --> 00:29:10,769
I'm I'm not gonna do any of that.

800
00:29:10,769 --> 00:29:12,369
I'm like, okay, we're a team. This is

801
00:29:12,369 --> 00:29:13,910
the decision you made.

802
00:29:15,410 --> 00:29:16,769
Well, we will follow it and I'll give

803
00:29:16,769 --> 00:29:18,210
it And and and that

804
00:29:19,490 --> 00:29:21,430
well, there there's a couple things there.

805
00:29:23,835 --> 00:29:24,335
You

806
00:29:24,634 --> 00:29:25,134
know,

807
00:29:25,755 --> 00:29:27,055
that is one of the biggest

808
00:29:28,954 --> 00:29:29,454
boons

809
00:29:30,555 --> 00:29:31,055
is

810
00:29:31,595 --> 00:29:32,974
having your support.

811
00:29:34,555 --> 00:29:35,055
Okay?

812
00:29:36,154 --> 00:29:37,775
That that is tremendous.

813
00:29:38,859 --> 00:29:39,359
Absolutely.

814
00:29:41,500 --> 00:29:42,880
And and the other thing

815
00:29:43,500 --> 00:29:45,980
that you you just brought up is, you

816
00:29:45,980 --> 00:29:47,119
know, let's face it,

817
00:29:47,819 --> 00:29:49,500
not everything is gonna go as planned, not

818
00:29:49,500 --> 00:29:50,859
everything is gonna work out the way you

819
00:29:50,859 --> 00:29:52,720
want it to. We know. Right?

820
00:29:53,259 --> 00:29:55,654
We know so well. You know, when when

821
00:29:56,755 --> 00:29:58,514
some things tend to crash and burn, they

822
00:29:58,514 --> 00:29:59,654
crash and burn epically.

823
00:30:00,274 --> 00:30:02,214
We don't do anything by halves. Right.

824
00:30:02,994 --> 00:30:04,214
And and, you know,

825
00:30:06,034 --> 00:30:07,414
I've I've been there,

826
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,240
you know, where where something goes wrong, you

827
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,039
know, oh, this is your Mhmm. You created

828
00:30:13,039 --> 00:30:15,119
this. You you did this. You deal with

829
00:30:15,119 --> 00:30:17,679
it. Right. Yeah. Okay? Been there, done that,

830
00:30:17,679 --> 00:30:18,740
got the t shirt.

831
00:30:20,159 --> 00:30:21,139
You are not.

832
00:30:22,079 --> 00:30:22,899
You're like,

833
00:30:23,315 --> 00:30:23,815
okay.

834
00:30:24,355 --> 00:30:25,894
This did not pan out.

835
00:30:26,515 --> 00:30:28,375
I have an idea we can try.

836
00:30:30,275 --> 00:30:32,194
What do we do to rectify this? And

837
00:30:32,194 --> 00:30:34,055
and, you know, you you are not

838
00:30:34,674 --> 00:30:37,015
berating me. You are not, you know,

839
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,320
holding, you know, not I don't wanna say

840
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,960
holding accountable, hold hold myself accountable. I made

841
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:44,539
the decision.

842
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,000
I made the mistake, but you are not,

843
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:47,500
like,

844
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,600
you know, kinda twisting the knife, so to

845
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,119
speak. Oh, yeah. I'm not so I'm surely

846
00:30:52,119 --> 00:30:52,664
not gonna

847
00:30:54,105 --> 00:30:54,184
make it worse, and I'm not going to

848
00:30:54,184 --> 00:30:56,505
use it as a cudgel against you. No.

849
00:30:56,505 --> 00:30:58,744
And and at from, you know, and then

850
00:30:58,744 --> 00:31:00,365
that point, you are

851
00:31:01,225 --> 00:31:02,845
a a part of the solution

852
00:31:03,865 --> 00:31:04,845
more than anything.

853
00:31:05,389 --> 00:31:06,990
Yeah. I mean, the that's the other thing.

854
00:31:06,990 --> 00:31:09,329
If you make a decision that does not

855
00:31:10,349 --> 00:31:12,029
like, I wanted you to do something else.

856
00:31:12,029 --> 00:31:14,829
Mhmm. I'm gonna give whatever action is my

857
00:31:14,829 --> 00:31:17,389
required part of that decision. I'm gonna give

858
00:31:17,389 --> 00:31:19,804
it everything I've got to make it work.

859
00:31:19,944 --> 00:31:22,345
Mhmm. And then if it doesn't work, I'm

860
00:31:22,345 --> 00:31:24,825
gonna send up a flag and go, hey.

861
00:31:24,825 --> 00:31:26,345
I have an idea. You wanna try something

862
00:31:26,345 --> 00:31:27,244
else? Right.

863
00:31:28,505 --> 00:31:30,024
And, you know, part of that is just

864
00:31:30,105 --> 00:31:31,784
I think that's part of being a good

865
00:31:31,784 --> 00:31:34,589
partner. Okay. Well, yeah. Because I have I

866
00:31:34,589 --> 00:31:35,869
have, in my own way, been on the

867
00:31:35,869 --> 00:31:37,730
other side of not having a supportive,

868
00:31:38,109 --> 00:31:38,609
helpful

869
00:31:38,990 --> 00:31:41,750
partner who, you know, weaponized incompetence and Yeah.

870
00:31:41,869 --> 00:31:42,849
All that stuff.

871
00:31:43,150 --> 00:31:45,150
So I don't I don't want to be

872
00:31:45,150 --> 00:31:46,529
what I don't want

873
00:31:46,910 --> 00:31:48,450
to have in a relationship. Right?

874
00:31:49,434 --> 00:31:52,075
My question for you is Mhmm. Does knowing

875
00:31:52,075 --> 00:31:52,974
that help

876
00:31:53,515 --> 00:31:55,375
relieve the pressure? Does it make

877
00:31:56,795 --> 00:31:59,035
I understand, especially since we've had the conversation

878
00:31:59,035 --> 00:31:59,535
recently,

879
00:31:59,994 --> 00:32:01,755
that the pressure to make the air quote

880
00:32:01,755 --> 00:32:02,494
right decision

881
00:32:03,195 --> 00:32:04,095
can be very

882
00:32:04,730 --> 00:32:07,450
very big and weigh very heavily. Mhmm. And

883
00:32:07,450 --> 00:32:09,130
then if things have not been going right,

884
00:32:09,130 --> 00:32:11,369
we start questioning our own decision making. We've

885
00:32:11,369 --> 00:32:12,830
had that happen mutually.

886
00:32:14,890 --> 00:32:15,390
But

887
00:32:15,690 --> 00:32:16,009
does

888
00:32:16,890 --> 00:32:17,710
am I

889
00:32:18,250 --> 00:32:19,869
relieving pressure from you

890
00:32:20,384 --> 00:32:22,805
by how we handle these things? Yes.

891
00:32:23,345 --> 00:32:25,585
Yes. That makes me feel better. Yes. That

892
00:32:25,585 --> 00:32:26,644
makes me feel better.

893
00:32:27,345 --> 00:32:27,845
Yes.

894
00:32:29,424 --> 00:32:32,085
You know, and and I think that's probably

895
00:32:32,224 --> 00:32:34,005
why I haven't run for the hills.

896
00:32:34,450 --> 00:32:36,930
Here's the thing I'll I'll say from from

897
00:32:36,930 --> 00:32:37,670
my side

898
00:32:37,970 --> 00:32:38,710
of of it.

899
00:32:39,170 --> 00:32:39,250
The

900
00:32:40,289 --> 00:32:43,090
it is easy to be a team player

901
00:32:43,090 --> 00:32:44,930
in whatever decision you make for a few

902
00:32:44,930 --> 00:32:47,250
reasons. 1, I I love you more than

903
00:32:47,250 --> 00:32:48,070
life itself.

904
00:32:51,085 --> 00:32:54,384
I want us together to be successful. Mhmm.

905
00:32:54,525 --> 00:32:55,345
But also,

906
00:32:56,285 --> 00:32:57,884
you do make me a part of it.

907
00:32:57,884 --> 00:33:00,765
There's it's very rare that you just make

908
00:33:00,765 --> 00:33:02,670
a decision and you haven't talked me about

909
00:33:02,670 --> 00:33:04,590
it. And if it is that, it is

910
00:33:04,590 --> 00:33:06,590
something that benefits me, is a surprise for

911
00:33:06,590 --> 00:33:09,250
me, is going to be pleasurable for me,

912
00:33:09,390 --> 00:33:11,630
a thing you might know I want, but

913
00:33:11,630 --> 00:33:13,070
you didn't have to ask if I wanted

914
00:33:13,070 --> 00:33:15,250
this. You we know because we know. Right?

915
00:33:15,710 --> 00:33:17,954
But anything that's going to have

916
00:33:19,214 --> 00:33:20,355
benefits or

917
00:33:21,615 --> 00:33:24,414
the opposite of benefits, to me, I am

918
00:33:24,414 --> 00:33:27,534
absolutely every single time looped in. Consequence, that's

919
00:33:27,534 --> 00:33:29,454
the word. You know? If there's a good

920
00:33:29,454 --> 00:33:31,134
or bad for me, I am part of

921
00:33:31,134 --> 00:33:33,929
that that True. True. Decision making. Yeah.

922
00:33:35,269 --> 00:33:36,490
Is having somebody

923
00:33:37,190 --> 00:33:39,369
like me to your partner, essentially,

924
00:33:39,909 --> 00:33:42,149
to help make decisions, does that relieve some

925
00:33:42,149 --> 00:33:42,809
of the pressure?

926
00:33:43,269 --> 00:33:44,869
Does that help at all, or is it

927
00:33:44,869 --> 00:33:46,009
just part of the process?

928
00:33:47,795 --> 00:33:49,974
I I don't know if it relieves

929
00:33:51,714 --> 00:33:53,494
the pressure per se.

930
00:33:57,234 --> 00:33:58,134
Because again,

931
00:33:59,875 --> 00:34:00,775
in the end,

932
00:34:02,420 --> 00:34:04,819
the final decision Mhmm. Comes out of these

933
00:34:04,819 --> 00:34:05,319
lips.

934
00:34:06,179 --> 00:34:07,299
It's not the only thing. It comes out

935
00:34:07,299 --> 00:34:08,679
of these lips. That's different.

936
00:34:11,699 --> 00:34:12,679
I I think

937
00:34:12,980 --> 00:34:15,934
what that does is it makes the process

938
00:34:16,155 --> 00:34:16,655
easier.

939
00:34:17,355 --> 00:34:17,855
Okay.

940
00:34:18,235 --> 00:34:18,735
Okay?

941
00:34:19,515 --> 00:34:20,015
Mhmm.

942
00:34:24,635 --> 00:34:26,235
I don't know if you're done with this

943
00:34:26,235 --> 00:34:28,235
topic or if we wanna, like, really run

944
00:34:28,235 --> 00:34:29,809
it into the ground or if you'd like

945
00:34:29,809 --> 00:34:31,489
to move on to another pressure. I don't

946
00:34:31,489 --> 00:34:32,789
know what that pressure might be.

947
00:34:35,170 --> 00:34:36,769
Yeah. I feel like we need to do

948
00:34:36,769 --> 00:34:39,010
more dom focused topics because does anybody know

949
00:34:39,010 --> 00:34:41,275
how much he's been talking? It's delightful. You

950
00:34:41,275 --> 00:34:44,494
know. And and, you know, there are times

951
00:34:47,994 --> 00:34:49,934
being the decider can be frustrating.

952
00:34:50,954 --> 00:34:52,175
What makes it frustrating?

953
00:34:56,789 --> 00:34:57,929
Sometimes it's like,

954
00:34:58,469 --> 00:34:59,929
oh my gosh, I gotta

955
00:35:00,469 --> 00:35:02,329
decide on something else now?

956
00:35:03,909 --> 00:35:05,449
When will it ever end?

957
00:35:06,164 --> 00:35:07,144
It will not.

958
00:35:09,684 --> 00:35:10,664
You know, so

959
00:35:11,125 --> 00:35:13,385
yeah. There there are some days it's like,

960
00:35:14,644 --> 00:35:16,485
you know, yeah. I, you know, I I

961
00:35:16,485 --> 00:35:18,505
put myself in this position. I willingly

962
00:35:19,045 --> 00:35:20,989
stepped up to this. I wanted it. Yeah.

963
00:35:20,989 --> 00:35:22,769
Yep. No. You just said wanted.

964
00:35:23,150 --> 00:35:25,969
Do you still want it? Yes. Okay. Okay.

965
00:35:26,349 --> 00:35:26,849
Okay.

966
00:35:29,949 --> 00:35:32,289
And, you know, I I would not

967
00:35:32,784 --> 00:35:33,974
as as much as

968
00:35:34,454 --> 00:35:36,075
there are times it is frustrating,

969
00:35:38,614 --> 00:35:40,555
you know, as much as there are

970
00:35:41,655 --> 00:35:44,375
times where you wonder, you know, you're second

971
00:35:44,375 --> 00:35:46,315
guessing yourself all the time,

972
00:35:47,655 --> 00:35:49,595
I still wouldn't have it any other way.

973
00:35:50,180 --> 00:35:52,900
I think that's ultimately what how you know

974
00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:54,980
you're kind of on the the right path

975
00:35:54,980 --> 00:35:56,280
for yourself. Mhmm.

976
00:35:56,579 --> 00:35:57,240
You know,

977
00:35:59,619 --> 00:36:01,880
I couldn't yeah. I could not imagine myself

978
00:36:02,019 --> 00:36:02,519
not.

979
00:36:03,485 --> 00:36:05,425
And I don't want to imagine it, so

980
00:36:05,485 --> 00:36:06,304
that works.

981
00:36:06,925 --> 00:36:07,664
That works.

982
00:36:08,125 --> 00:36:10,045
So what other pressures do you feel? I

983
00:36:10,045 --> 00:36:12,364
mean, I I get being the decider the

984
00:36:12,364 --> 00:36:15,005
decision making would be top line because it

985
00:36:15,005 --> 00:36:17,724
encompasses so much. But Yeah. What else as

986
00:36:17,724 --> 00:36:18,385
a dominant

987
00:36:19,139 --> 00:36:20,739
that is part of your dominance that

988
00:36:21,380 --> 00:36:23,859
You know, there's there's always the the the

989
00:36:23,859 --> 00:36:25,940
pressure of, yeah, making the decision, you know,

990
00:36:25,940 --> 00:36:27,799
of things that that affect our lives.

991
00:36:29,539 --> 00:36:30,440
The other thing

992
00:36:31,275 --> 00:36:32,954
to me that that kind of comes out

993
00:36:32,954 --> 00:36:33,454
is,

994
00:36:33,994 --> 00:36:35,054
you know, on the

995
00:36:35,994 --> 00:36:37,375
S and M side

996
00:36:37,994 --> 00:36:38,894
of all this.

997
00:36:39,355 --> 00:36:40,574
Because, you know,

998
00:36:41,275 --> 00:36:43,214
yeah, I love beating your ass.

999
00:36:44,119 --> 00:36:45,900
Okay. And I'm glad that you do.

1000
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:47,800
I I I love seeing the the, you

1001
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,960
know, the the the color change in some

1002
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,599
cheeks and, you know, the the lovely noises

1003
00:36:52,599 --> 00:36:54,699
that are made and you know, throughout.

1004
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,719
You know, but then there's always there's always,

1005
00:36:57,719 --> 00:36:58,460
you know,

1006
00:37:00,025 --> 00:37:01,005
you gotta be careful.

1007
00:37:01,465 --> 00:37:03,704
Yeah. You know, because what we're doing, you

1008
00:37:03,704 --> 00:37:05,545
know, this is fun and and, you know,

1009
00:37:05,545 --> 00:37:07,565
you're enjoying it, I'm enjoying it.

1010
00:37:08,265 --> 00:37:09,864
Someone can get hurt. Something can go wrong

1011
00:37:09,864 --> 00:37:11,144
and someone can get hurt. And it can

1012
00:37:11,144 --> 00:37:13,800
take very little for For that. For that

1013
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,460
slip to happen. And

1014
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:17,260
And and I I think

1015
00:37:18,039 --> 00:37:19,320
I mean, I don't know if I'm the

1016
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,559
only one, but I I would think that

1017
00:37:21,559 --> 00:37:22,460
that most

1018
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:24,140
dominance would

1019
00:37:24,519 --> 00:37:26,280
have that in the in their mind in

1020
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:27,960
some way, shape, or form at some time.

1021
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:30,515
I would think yeah. Dom Topp, anybody who

1022
00:37:30,515 --> 00:37:31,015
is

1023
00:37:31,795 --> 00:37:34,355
doing the action of a kink scene

1024
00:37:34,675 --> 00:37:35,175
Mhmm.

1025
00:37:36,755 --> 00:37:39,335
Where there is potential harm and there is

1026
00:37:39,555 --> 00:37:41,015
always potential harm,

1027
00:37:41,570 --> 00:37:42,469
in everything.

1028
00:37:43,090 --> 00:37:45,570
Yeah. The risk levels change and they vary,

1029
00:37:45,570 --> 00:37:48,449
but there's risk. Yeah. If you don't feel

1030
00:37:48,449 --> 00:37:49,909
the pressure of the responsibility

1031
00:37:50,449 --> 00:37:53,250
of that Yeah. I mean, personally, I wouldn't

1032
00:37:53,250 --> 00:37:54,710
wanna play with you because

1033
00:37:55,010 --> 00:37:56,690
I don't want my partner

1034
00:37:57,215 --> 00:37:58,655
I don't wanna be an anxious mess, but

1035
00:37:58,655 --> 00:37:59,855
here we are. That's why I'm not in

1036
00:37:59,855 --> 00:38:01,855
charge of these things. I don't want a

1037
00:38:01,855 --> 00:38:03,695
dom or top that I'm playing with to

1038
00:38:03,695 --> 00:38:04,195
be

1039
00:38:04,494 --> 00:38:07,215
such an anxious mess that they actually screw

1040
00:38:07,215 --> 00:38:09,534
up out of anxiety as a person who

1041
00:38:09,534 --> 00:38:11,954
has fucked up because the the anxiousness

1042
00:38:12,255 --> 00:38:14,539
just made me too flustered. I know what

1043
00:38:14,539 --> 00:38:16,140
that feels like. That's not who I wanna

1044
00:38:16,140 --> 00:38:17,659
play with, but I do want to play

1045
00:38:17,659 --> 00:38:19,820
with somebody who is aware of the risk,

1046
00:38:19,820 --> 00:38:21,039
is watching for the risk,

1047
00:38:21,820 --> 00:38:24,300
will do everything in their power to avoid

1048
00:38:24,300 --> 00:38:26,140
that. And mitigate as much as can. Yeah.

1049
00:38:26,140 --> 00:38:28,364
But when it happens, will then own it.

1050
00:38:28,364 --> 00:38:30,704
Right. And feel a sense of, like, if

1051
00:38:31,324 --> 00:38:32,925
it's been a I don't even remember the

1052
00:38:32,925 --> 00:38:34,844
last time we were playing and you had,

1053
00:38:34,844 --> 00:38:37,164
like, a misstep and, like, something didn't hit

1054
00:38:37,164 --> 00:38:37,664
right.

1055
00:38:38,525 --> 00:38:39,824
You were always

1056
00:38:40,605 --> 00:38:42,445
apologetic. Like, you're gonna take care of everything.

1057
00:38:42,445 --> 00:38:43,724
You're gonna make sure I'm okay. If I

1058
00:38:43,724 --> 00:38:44,340
need, like,

1059
00:38:44,900 --> 00:38:47,300
first aid or whatever, I'm gonna get it.

1060
00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:48,840
And then you are going to

1061
00:38:50,019 --> 00:38:50,519
genuinely,

1062
00:38:50,820 --> 00:38:51,880
from the heart,

1063
00:38:52,820 --> 00:38:55,059
apologize in a way that I know that

1064
00:38:55,059 --> 00:38:56,360
that you mean that.

1065
00:38:56,739 --> 00:38:58,500
As you're submissive, I'm gonna do everything I

1066
00:38:58,500 --> 00:38:59,824
can. And go, no. No. No. You don't

1067
00:38:59,824 --> 00:39:02,505
have to. Please. I don't want that. But

1068
00:39:02,505 --> 00:39:03,005
also,

1069
00:39:03,945 --> 00:39:04,445
I

1070
00:39:04,744 --> 00:39:08,125
appreciate that. Right? Because that shows me

1071
00:39:08,505 --> 00:39:09,005
that

1072
00:39:09,784 --> 00:39:11,920
you accept the responsibility of the fuck up.

1073
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:13,200
The you know, we say fuck up, and

1074
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:14,320
a lot of people hear that's a kind

1075
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,579
of a loaded term of of intentional

1076
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,760
Mhmm. Fucking up. But sometimes it's just a

1077
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:23,440
a mistake. Right. Mistakes happen. Accidents happen. It

1078
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,360
is why I don't have a lot of

1079
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:26,864
patience for the doms and tobs out there

1080
00:39:26,864 --> 00:39:28,545
who wanna talk about not playing with safe

1081
00:39:28,545 --> 00:39:30,385
words. You are human at the end of

1082
00:39:30,385 --> 00:39:33,344
the fucking day. Right. You can screw up

1083
00:39:33,344 --> 00:39:35,664
and your partner needs a way to let

1084
00:39:35,664 --> 00:39:38,304
you know things have gone wrong. Mhmm. And

1085
00:39:38,304 --> 00:39:41,364
I've I've always appreciated about you that you

1086
00:39:42,170 --> 00:39:43,950
don't try to be some sort of superhero,

1087
00:39:45,130 --> 00:39:47,530
big and mighty, blustery, like, I am I

1088
00:39:47,530 --> 00:39:49,769
am dumb. I am God. Right? Mhmm. Like,

1089
00:39:49,769 --> 00:39:51,630
you know that you are human. You

1090
00:39:52,730 --> 00:39:54,590
understand your own human limitations.

1091
00:39:55,050 --> 00:39:57,550
You are going to do your best within

1092
00:39:57,994 --> 00:40:00,795
the confines of your human limitations. Right. But

1093
00:40:00,795 --> 00:40:01,295
still

1094
00:40:01,594 --> 00:40:03,135
are humble enough to go,

1095
00:40:03,515 --> 00:40:05,215
yeah, shit can happen sometimes.

1096
00:40:05,594 --> 00:40:06,094
True.

1097
00:40:06,715 --> 00:40:08,335
That makes you a safe

1098
00:40:08,635 --> 00:40:10,474
partner. That's part of it. Like, there's a

1099
00:40:10,474 --> 00:40:11,960
lot that make you there's a lot that

1100
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:13,159
goes into making you a safe partner. That

1101
00:40:13,159 --> 00:40:14,920
is one of those things. But, yeah, I

1102
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:16,940
can as an anxious person,

1103
00:40:17,559 --> 00:40:19,319
I can imagine the pressure. I know what

1104
00:40:19,319 --> 00:40:20,760
kind of pressure I would put on me,

1105
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:22,885
and that is why that's not the right

1106
00:40:22,885 --> 00:40:26,184
role for me. Because I I would crumble

1107
00:40:26,244 --> 00:40:27,864
under that pressure. Mhmm.

1108
00:40:30,885 --> 00:40:32,744
That that pressure specifically,

1109
00:40:33,525 --> 00:40:35,204
because you can play and not be in

1110
00:40:35,204 --> 00:40:36,840
relationships, you can play with all kinds of

1111
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:38,760
of people. So that's more of a feature

1112
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,940
of long term, like, I know I'm kinky,

1113
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:44,360
and you're potentially still playing and singing even

1114
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:45,420
when you're not in relationships.

1115
00:40:46,519 --> 00:40:47,420
Does that

1116
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:49,500
feeling of pressure,

1117
00:40:50,625 --> 00:40:53,184
does it get easier over time? Does it

1118
00:40:53,184 --> 00:40:53,684
stabilize?

1119
00:40:53,985 --> 00:40:55,925
Like, how what's the fluctuation

1120
00:40:56,304 --> 00:40:59,265
of, like, a kink scene partner pressure? I

1121
00:40:59,265 --> 00:41:01,684
I think the the the kink scene,

1122
00:41:02,679 --> 00:41:03,739
you know, play

1123
00:41:04,199 --> 00:41:06,760
aspect of it, that does get a little

1124
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:07,260
easier.

1125
00:41:09,079 --> 00:41:11,320
Okay? With experience, I guess? With with with

1126
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,980
time and experience, you know. It it's like

1127
00:41:14,039 --> 00:41:17,079
it's like anything else anything else. No no

1128
00:41:17,079 --> 00:41:19,694
matter what you do, you you you practice

1129
00:41:19,694 --> 00:41:22,275
your craft and you get better. Mhmm. Alright?

1130
00:41:22,654 --> 00:41:24,494
And and that's how I think of it,

1131
00:41:24,494 --> 00:41:25,954
you know, over the years I've

1132
00:41:27,214 --> 00:41:30,335
learned, I've grown as a person, as as

1133
00:41:30,335 --> 00:41:31,714
a dominant, as a sadist,

1134
00:41:32,090 --> 00:41:32,590
and,

1135
00:41:33,050 --> 00:41:35,390
you know, that has made it easier.

1136
00:41:36,250 --> 00:41:37,710
It still does not a 100%

1137
00:41:39,289 --> 00:41:39,789
eliminate

1138
00:41:40,250 --> 00:41:41,309
Right. You know,

1139
00:41:42,010 --> 00:41:44,730
because again, you know, whatever can go wrong

1140
00:41:44,730 --> 00:41:46,429
will go wrong at the worst possible

1141
00:41:47,184 --> 00:41:48,005
moment. Right?

1142
00:41:48,385 --> 00:41:49,364
Thank you, Murphy.

1143
00:41:50,304 --> 00:41:51,764
Have you had moments

1144
00:41:52,545 --> 00:41:55,264
where you felt more pressure in a scene

1145
00:41:55,264 --> 00:41:56,704
than others? Like, you and I have been

1146
00:41:56,704 --> 00:41:57,204
together

1147
00:41:57,824 --> 00:41:59,204
very long time now.

1148
00:41:59,904 --> 00:42:02,610
We've known each other almost 11 years. Wow.

1149
00:42:02,690 --> 00:42:04,369
No. We've known each other 11. We've known

1150
00:42:04,369 --> 00:42:05,970
each other almost 12 years. I don't know

1151
00:42:05,970 --> 00:42:08,130
how numbers work. Anyway, we've known each other

1152
00:42:08,130 --> 00:42:10,130
over a fucking decade. Right. We have played

1153
00:42:10,130 --> 00:42:12,610
together for about a decade. Mhmm. A little

1154
00:42:12,610 --> 00:42:13,269
bit more.

1155
00:42:14,769 --> 00:42:16,309
Are there times,

1156
00:42:16,610 --> 00:42:19,445
like, with the, as stable as our relationship

1157
00:42:19,505 --> 00:42:22,144
is Mhmm. Where some of the pressure should

1158
00:42:22,144 --> 00:42:23,985
be alleviated because we know each other and

1159
00:42:23,985 --> 00:42:25,425
you know my boundaries and blah blah blah

1160
00:42:25,425 --> 00:42:27,825
blah. Yeah. Are have there been times in

1161
00:42:27,825 --> 00:42:30,565
certain situations where you feel more pressure

1162
00:42:31,184 --> 00:42:32,690
in play? Than

1163
00:42:33,069 --> 00:42:35,809
others. I think the the biggest pressure

1164
00:42:36,670 --> 00:42:38,289
I have felt in regards

1165
00:42:38,670 --> 00:42:39,409
to play

1166
00:42:40,670 --> 00:42:42,289
over time lately,

1167
00:42:43,069 --> 00:42:43,569
or,

1168
00:42:44,670 --> 00:42:45,329
you know,

1169
00:42:46,275 --> 00:42:47,394
over just over time,

1170
00:42:49,474 --> 00:42:51,815
is making the time and finding the time

1171
00:42:52,355 --> 00:42:54,855
Yeah. To do it. That that to me,

1172
00:42:56,674 --> 00:42:58,889
at this point in time, if you were

1173
00:42:58,889 --> 00:43:00,730
if you were, you know, to ask, and

1174
00:43:00,730 --> 00:43:01,389
you are,

1175
00:43:04,089 --> 00:43:05,690
that that to me right now is the

1176
00:43:05,690 --> 00:43:08,489
greatest pressure. Finding the time to to to

1177
00:43:08,489 --> 00:43:09,949
play and make it meaningful.

1178
00:43:11,385 --> 00:43:12,905
Now part of that is because of the

1179
00:43:12,905 --> 00:43:16,025
way our power exchange is negotiated. You are

1180
00:43:16,025 --> 00:43:17,885
the decider in all of these things. Correct.

1181
00:43:19,144 --> 00:43:21,144
Do some of those does a pressure like

1182
00:43:21,144 --> 00:43:21,644
that

1183
00:43:21,945 --> 00:43:24,179
ever make you not want to be the

1184
00:43:24,179 --> 00:43:25,559
decider or to

1185
00:43:26,099 --> 00:43:27,559
decide less often

1186
00:43:27,940 --> 00:43:28,339
or

1187
00:43:28,980 --> 00:43:30,599
There have been a time or 2

1188
00:43:32,099 --> 00:43:32,599
where,

1189
00:43:33,219 --> 00:43:35,880
you know, after having one of those days

1190
00:43:36,820 --> 00:43:38,574
you know the days I'm talking about. One

1191
00:43:38,574 --> 00:43:39,795
of those days.

1192
00:43:42,414 --> 00:43:44,255
And, you know, I'd I'd sat down and

1193
00:43:44,255 --> 00:43:44,994
I was like,

1194
00:43:46,255 --> 00:43:47,875
do I wanna do this anymore?

1195
00:43:49,695 --> 00:43:52,035
I mean, fair. I think we should all

1196
00:43:52,530 --> 00:43:54,309
feel like we can ask ourselves

1197
00:43:54,929 --> 00:43:56,789
that. Have intellectual honesty

1198
00:43:57,329 --> 00:43:59,329
with that question. We should not be afraid

1199
00:43:59,329 --> 00:44:01,250
to ask ourselves, do I even want to

1200
00:44:01,250 --> 00:44:02,230
do this anymore?

1201
00:44:03,090 --> 00:44:03,829
You know?

1202
00:44:04,130 --> 00:44:06,530
And and I I think, to me, that

1203
00:44:06,530 --> 00:44:07,829
that's a self check.

1204
00:44:08,144 --> 00:44:09,445
Yeah. I think it's a good one.

1205
00:44:09,905 --> 00:44:10,565
You know,

1206
00:44:11,505 --> 00:44:12,485
I I think,

1207
00:44:13,265 --> 00:44:15,505
you know, even even on your side of

1208
00:44:15,505 --> 00:44:18,144
the slash, sometimes you should even ask yourself

1209
00:44:18,144 --> 00:44:20,945
that. Yeah. But It's usually when I I

1210
00:44:20,945 --> 00:44:22,164
had to go clean up

1211
00:44:23,789 --> 00:44:24,450
dog's pupchuck.

1212
00:44:25,150 --> 00:44:25,470
So

1213
00:44:28,110 --> 00:44:30,670
But, but, yeah, you know, having having days

1214
00:44:30,670 --> 00:44:31,329
like that,

1215
00:44:33,070 --> 00:44:35,410
it it yeah. It it can make you

1216
00:44:35,550 --> 00:44:37,744
wonder if you're doing the right thing at

1217
00:44:37,744 --> 00:44:39,985
all. Thinking about finding the time to plan

1218
00:44:39,985 --> 00:44:41,985
a scene and having the pressure of trying

1219
00:44:41,985 --> 00:44:44,385
to find a plan. Right. Imagine a world

1220
00:44:44,785 --> 00:44:47,045
Uh-huh. Where I come and tell you,

1221
00:44:48,144 --> 00:44:48,885
hey, daddy.

1222
00:44:49,505 --> 00:44:52,320
We're gonna do a scene tonight at 8

1223
00:44:53,599 --> 00:44:56,019
o'clock. What does that do to your dominant

1224
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,500
heart? Does it just shrivel up

1225
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:00,260
and cringe away?

1226
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,239
Or does it feel like,

1227
00:45:03,039 --> 00:45:03,920
okay. It

1228
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:04,820
no.

1229
00:45:05,199 --> 00:45:07,414
Okay. No. You know, if you were to

1230
00:45:07,414 --> 00:45:08,554
come to me and say,

1231
00:45:09,255 --> 00:45:10,315
you know, hey, daddy,

1232
00:45:11,015 --> 00:45:11,914
you know what,

1233
00:45:12,295 --> 00:45:14,215
we're gonna have an empty house Oh, that's

1234
00:45:14,215 --> 00:45:16,215
difficult. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Day after tomorrow. Oh,

1235
00:45:16,215 --> 00:45:18,695
yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? And and and, you

1236
00:45:18,695 --> 00:45:20,155
know, let's do something.

1237
00:45:20,614 --> 00:45:22,550
And that did used to happen. Yes, it

1238
00:45:22,550 --> 00:45:23,050
did.

1239
00:45:23,349 --> 00:45:24,010
It did.

1240
00:45:24,789 --> 00:45:27,130
You know, and I think that is why

1241
00:45:27,429 --> 00:45:27,929
now

1242
00:45:29,190 --> 00:45:31,130
I I feel that pressure more.

1243
00:45:31,989 --> 00:45:33,449
Okay? Because our

1244
00:45:33,815 --> 00:45:34,875
life has shifted

1245
00:45:35,655 --> 00:45:38,615
Greatly. Greatly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, since

1246
00:45:38,615 --> 00:45:39,755
since last October.

1247
00:45:40,535 --> 00:45:40,934
And,

1248
00:45:42,055 --> 00:45:43,835
Yeah. It, you know, it's it's

1249
00:45:44,215 --> 00:45:46,775
not that It's not easy. It's not easy.

1250
00:45:46,775 --> 00:45:49,049
And it's, know, it's funny. It's I mean,

1251
00:45:49,049 --> 00:45:50,109
for for a while,

1252
00:45:51,210 --> 00:45:53,130
you know, we I even took you out

1253
00:45:53,130 --> 00:45:54,969
into the to the woodshop. And we can't

1254
00:45:54,969 --> 00:45:56,329
do that right now. It's too fucking hot.

1255
00:45:56,329 --> 00:45:58,269
It is too fucking hot. Even I

1256
00:45:58,809 --> 00:46:00,909
can't stay out there very long right now.

1257
00:46:01,635 --> 00:46:02,855
We had 125

1258
00:46:04,594 --> 00:46:06,675
feels like temperature the other day. It was

1259
00:46:06,675 --> 00:46:08,614
actual temperature of 89 degrees.

1260
00:46:09,235 --> 00:46:10,835
I thought it was 90 something. Or I'm

1261
00:46:10,835 --> 00:46:11,974
sorry. Yes. 93

1262
00:46:12,434 --> 00:46:14,360
and, was 100 and 25,

1263
00:46:14,740 --> 00:46:15,700
something like that. But,

1264
00:46:16,579 --> 00:46:18,180
you know, yeah. We we don't even have

1265
00:46:18,180 --> 00:46:20,340
that opportunity right now. Well, and part of

1266
00:46:20,340 --> 00:46:21,720
it is and this is, I think,

1267
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:24,340
many people can relate regardless of whatever kind

1268
00:46:24,340 --> 00:46:26,135
of relationship you have. Yeah. The

1269
00:46:26,594 --> 00:46:29,635
free and easy stuff is not currently it's

1270
00:46:29,635 --> 00:46:31,795
still free, but it's not easy. And when

1271
00:46:31,795 --> 00:46:33,014
you do not have

1272
00:46:33,315 --> 00:46:33,815
access

1273
00:46:34,594 --> 00:46:37,014
to, you know, funds, like, discretionary

1274
00:46:37,394 --> 00:46:39,750
income. Right. You know, there was a time

1275
00:46:39,750 --> 00:46:41,590
in our life we would go pay to

1276
00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:44,869
have solitude somewhere. Oh, yeah. And I look

1277
00:46:44,869 --> 00:46:46,390
forward to what we can do. We can

1278
00:46:46,390 --> 00:46:48,010
do that again. Yes. Absolutely.

1279
00:46:48,469 --> 00:46:50,469
Absolutely. That day will come. Okay. I mean,

1280
00:46:50,469 --> 00:46:51,530
I you know,

1281
00:46:52,070 --> 00:46:53,289
I I think about

1282
00:46:54,244 --> 00:46:56,644
our times how, you know, for for a

1283
00:46:56,644 --> 00:46:57,625
good while there,

1284
00:46:58,724 --> 00:47:00,344
Phoenix Club used to open

1285
00:47:00,805 --> 00:47:02,184
once a month in the morning

1286
00:47:03,364 --> 00:47:06,005
and, you know, we would, take the boys

1287
00:47:06,005 --> 00:47:06,664
to school.

1288
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:09,239
That was also the time when we lived

1289
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:11,000
30 minutes away from it. Well, we we

1290
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,840
were 30 minutes away from it and and

1291
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:14,920
we had that opportunity. Right. Now where we

1292
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:17,800
live now, our dungeons that we're equidistant to

1293
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:19,485
could open in the morning, it does us

1294
00:47:19,565 --> 00:47:21,885
fuck all. Well, yeah. No. I I I

1295
00:47:21,885 --> 00:47:23,345
get that. I get that.

1296
00:47:24,285 --> 00:47:24,785
Really.

1297
00:47:25,164 --> 00:47:27,885
Oh. I I had no idea. I think

1298
00:47:27,885 --> 00:47:30,525
my cancer daddy is doing that thing where

1299
00:47:30,525 --> 00:47:31,650
he's being nostalgic.

1300
00:47:32,849 --> 00:47:35,429
Yeah. And waxing nostalgic on a thing that,

1301
00:47:35,489 --> 00:47:38,049
yes, it was delightful while we get it.

1302
00:47:38,049 --> 00:47:40,369
It was delightful. How does that help us

1303
00:47:40,369 --> 00:47:40,869
now?

1304
00:47:42,289 --> 00:47:44,385
There's the pressure again, though. Right. Right. See

1305
00:47:44,385 --> 00:47:45,204
what you did?

1306
00:47:45,664 --> 00:47:46,164
Damn

1307
00:47:47,985 --> 00:47:48,485
it.

1308
00:47:50,224 --> 00:47:51,824
I was trying to go to my happy

1309
00:47:51,824 --> 00:47:53,505
place and get out from under the pressure.

1310
00:47:53,744 --> 00:47:54,644
Real problem.

1311
00:47:55,184 --> 00:47:57,105
He likes to do that. He likes to

1312
00:47:57,105 --> 00:47:57,605
reminisce.

1313
00:47:57,905 --> 00:47:58,405
And

1314
00:47:58,785 --> 00:48:01,400
my Scorpio bitch ass comes in and goes,

1315
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:03,900
yeah. But can we talk about reality? Because

1316
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,319
reminiscent don't get my ass fixed. So I

1317
00:48:07,319 --> 00:48:08,059
don't know

1318
00:48:08,679 --> 00:48:10,539
what to do for you.

1319
00:48:14,184 --> 00:48:16,204
I like to think I relieve the pressure,

1320
00:48:16,905 --> 00:48:18,684
with comic relief. That

1321
00:48:20,025 --> 00:48:21,704
or by just taking the wind out of

1322
00:48:21,704 --> 00:48:23,085
his sails. I don't know.

1323
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:31,260
Now it's now I'm curious about something because

1324
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:31,900
I

1325
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,360
have watched you decide when we play over

1326
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,195
all these years. Right. And I have seen

1327
00:48:39,195 --> 00:48:40,795
the times when it was easier and it

1328
00:48:40,795 --> 00:48:42,875
was effortless, and it was also there was

1329
00:48:42,875 --> 00:48:46,974
less external stress Mhmm. Making just everything harder.

1330
00:48:47,355 --> 00:48:49,695
And I've also seen you when

1331
00:48:49,994 --> 00:48:51,614
you've been in the pits of depression

1332
00:48:52,155 --> 00:48:55,139
and, you know, the peak stressfulness of our

1333
00:48:55,139 --> 00:48:56,679
lives from a few years ago.

1334
00:48:58,659 --> 00:48:59,159
When

1335
00:49:01,219 --> 00:49:04,099
when your mental health has tanked now we've

1336
00:49:04,099 --> 00:49:06,099
had conversations and we've talked about it here

1337
00:49:06,099 --> 00:49:07,780
before, but there have been times you've had

1338
00:49:07,780 --> 00:49:10,125
to go, I can't make decisions. Right. I'm

1339
00:49:10,125 --> 00:49:11,985
not in a good mental space. Mhmm.

1340
00:49:13,724 --> 00:49:15,184
First of all, on that one,

1341
00:49:15,485 --> 00:49:18,285
when we've had those conversations and you've explained

1342
00:49:18,285 --> 00:49:20,144
where you're at and we I go, okay.

1343
00:49:20,525 --> 00:49:20,765
Does

1344
00:49:21,485 --> 00:49:23,724
for that time when things are super hard

1345
00:49:23,724 --> 00:49:26,090
for you mentally, does that relieve a little

1346
00:49:26,090 --> 00:49:28,110
bit of pressure or does it add to?

1347
00:49:28,410 --> 00:49:30,349
It's a different kind of pressure.

1348
00:49:31,210 --> 00:49:31,710
Okay?

1349
00:49:32,010 --> 00:49:33,789
You you would think at that point,

1350
00:49:38,090 --> 00:49:40,190
you know, me coming to you and say,

1351
00:49:40,434 --> 00:49:41,255
hey, look,

1352
00:49:42,914 --> 00:49:44,914
my mind is spiraling right now. I I

1353
00:49:44,914 --> 00:49:47,315
cannot do that. I cannot. You you would

1354
00:49:47,315 --> 00:49:49,574
think that, you know, yes, coming

1355
00:49:51,234 --> 00:49:53,554
opening up and and and, you know, saying

1356
00:49:53,554 --> 00:49:56,690
those things and would relieve that pressure. But

1357
00:49:56,690 --> 00:49:57,510
then you got

1358
00:49:59,010 --> 00:50:00,849
and then again, maybe it's just my crazy

1359
00:50:00,849 --> 00:50:02,150
mind. I don't know.

1360
00:50:02,449 --> 00:50:03,510
But then I think,

1361
00:50:05,730 --> 00:50:07,545
but I should be making this decision because

1362
00:50:07,545 --> 00:50:09,804
that's who I am. Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm.

1363
00:50:11,385 --> 00:50:11,864
It's probably

1364
00:50:12,664 --> 00:50:14,664
there there's pros and cons to everything. I

1365
00:50:14,664 --> 00:50:16,984
think that's a con to when when your

1366
00:50:16,984 --> 00:50:19,304
kink role is part of your identity. Mhmm.

1367
00:50:19,304 --> 00:50:20,679
When that's how you define it for yourself

1368
00:50:20,679 --> 00:50:22,199
is it's part of your identity. So when

1369
00:50:22,199 --> 00:50:23,660
you can't do that thing,

1370
00:50:24,119 --> 00:50:24,619
then

1371
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:28,360
you can't quote, this is incorrect, but big

1372
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:29,960
old air quotes, can't be yourself, can't do

1373
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:31,800
the thing you're supposed to do. So I'm

1374
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:32,300
curious.

1375
00:50:32,679 --> 00:50:34,414
Okay. Because I've seen that, we've gone through

1376
00:50:34,414 --> 00:50:37,054
that. Then I have watched your mental health

1377
00:50:37,054 --> 00:50:37,554
spiral

1378
00:50:39,054 --> 00:50:40,515
to the point where

1379
00:50:41,054 --> 00:50:42,655
it's part it's a little bit of why

1380
00:50:42,655 --> 00:50:44,594
we stopped doing our spicy page because

1381
00:50:44,974 --> 00:50:46,655
you have to be up and up for

1382
00:50:46,655 --> 00:50:48,880
seining and your mental health was not there

1383
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:51,619
to scene. Correct. Which means that

1384
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:55,519
you're outside of spicy page stuff, you're you

1385
00:50:55,519 --> 00:50:57,539
were not able to scene.

1386
00:50:59,199 --> 00:50:59,684
Is

1387
00:51:00,244 --> 00:51:01,144
is there

1388
00:51:01,445 --> 00:51:03,285
once it's your mental health, it's for you,

1389
00:51:03,285 --> 00:51:05,765
that's depression. Depression. Yeah. Once your depression is

1390
00:51:05,765 --> 00:51:06,744
going strong

1391
00:51:07,125 --> 00:51:09,065
based on how you experience depression,

1392
00:51:09,844 --> 00:51:10,585
does that

1393
00:51:10,885 --> 00:51:12,344
increase the pressure

1394
00:51:13,199 --> 00:51:15,679
of the not seining, or is there so

1395
00:51:15,679 --> 00:51:17,839
little desire to scene that the thing you

1396
00:51:17,839 --> 00:51:19,280
feel is not pressure? It might be something

1397
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,039
else, but it's not pressure. When I spiral

1398
00:51:21,039 --> 00:51:23,039
that far down, there is no desire. So

1399
00:51:23,039 --> 00:51:24,900
there's no pressure. If there's no desire.

1400
00:51:25,199 --> 00:51:27,139
So the if for kink scenes,

1401
00:51:27,695 --> 00:51:30,815
the pressure primarily comes from the desire to

1402
00:51:30,815 --> 00:51:33,315
do it, but the not it not being

1403
00:51:33,375 --> 00:51:34,355
cheap or easy.

1404
00:51:34,655 --> 00:51:36,494
Yeah. When no. I I will I will

1405
00:51:36,494 --> 00:51:38,514
I will say this. When when

1406
00:51:39,710 --> 00:51:41,170
when when my depression

1407
00:51:42,829 --> 00:51:45,230
rears up and it is that bad that

1408
00:51:45,230 --> 00:51:46,609
I spiral like that,

1409
00:51:47,150 --> 00:51:48,690
yeah, I have no desire.

1410
00:51:49,389 --> 00:51:50,529
No desire whatsoever.

1411
00:51:51,069 --> 00:51:53,230
Which makes sense. I would expect that. Yeah.

1412
00:51:53,230 --> 00:51:54,130
I'm just curious,

1413
00:51:54,994 --> 00:51:57,635
because I speak from an anxiety standpoint. Yeah.

1414
00:51:57,635 --> 00:51:59,235
My anxiety can make it, so I have

1415
00:51:59,235 --> 00:52:00,835
no desire to do something, but I still

1416
00:52:00,835 --> 00:52:02,594
feel the pressure because I'm doing that, this

1417
00:52:02,594 --> 00:52:04,035
is what it should be doing Yeah. Kind

1418
00:52:04,035 --> 00:52:06,535
of self talk. And and there is

1419
00:52:08,849 --> 00:52:10,710
How how can I say this? For me,

1420
00:52:11,010 --> 00:52:13,190
on on the way down in that spiral,

1421
00:52:13,490 --> 00:52:14,550
yes. Okay.

1422
00:52:14,849 --> 00:52:16,610
Once I hit it if I hit a

1423
00:52:16,610 --> 00:52:17,110
certain

1424
00:52:17,650 --> 00:52:18,950
Point. Yeah. Point,

1425
00:52:19,570 --> 00:52:21,490
no. Don't even feel it anymore. Don't even

1426
00:52:21,490 --> 00:52:22,309
feel it anymore.

1427
00:52:22,690 --> 00:52:24,724
Okay. So decision making,

1428
00:52:25,905 --> 00:52:27,765
kink seining Mhmm. Pressure.

1429
00:52:28,865 --> 00:52:31,744
Do you experience pressure specifically as a daddy

1430
00:52:31,744 --> 00:52:32,644
dom, a caregiver?

1431
00:52:37,425 --> 00:52:38,070
You know,

1432
00:52:39,430 --> 00:52:40,570
not as much.

1433
00:52:42,390 --> 00:52:43,449
Not as much.

1434
00:52:47,110 --> 00:52:48,010
Being in,

1435
00:52:50,469 --> 00:52:50,630
a

1436
00:52:52,905 --> 00:52:56,025
say, like, high protocol Mhmm. Okay, type of

1437
00:52:56,025 --> 00:52:57,244
of situation.

1438
00:52:59,224 --> 00:52:59,965
A lot

1439
00:53:00,905 --> 00:53:02,344
to me, that was a fair amount of

1440
00:53:02,344 --> 00:53:04,105
pressure. Because there were a lot of decisions

1441
00:53:04,105 --> 00:53:05,224
to be made. A lot a lot of

1442
00:53:05,224 --> 00:53:06,088
decisions to be made. A lot of high

1443
00:53:06,088 --> 00:53:06,425
expectations for Yes. Behavior and stuff. Mhmm. Now,

1444
00:53:07,430 --> 00:53:07,930
Mhmm.

1445
00:53:08,309 --> 00:53:09,670
Now, for for me, with us being daddy

1446
00:53:09,670 --> 00:53:11,289
dom is excuse me, folks, much

1447
00:53:11,590 --> 00:53:12,090
more,

1448
00:53:23,984 --> 00:53:24,484
relaxing,

1449
00:53:25,025 --> 00:53:25,924
so to speak.

1450
00:53:26,545 --> 00:53:26,944
But,

1451
00:53:31,344 --> 00:53:32,944
maybe others can relate to this, but, you

1452
00:53:32,944 --> 00:53:35,105
know, as a daddy dom, am I spoiling

1453
00:53:35,105 --> 00:53:36,539
her too much? Am am I am I

1454
00:53:36,619 --> 00:53:38,940
So there is some pressure. You know, am

1455
00:53:38,940 --> 00:53:41,340
am I am I being too hard on

1456
00:53:41,340 --> 00:53:42,400
her? Or, you know

1457
00:53:44,219 --> 00:53:46,380
So I will say this, and everybody's gonna

1458
00:53:46,380 --> 00:53:47,820
laugh because I know what it's gonna sound

1459
00:53:47,820 --> 00:53:49,420
like, but please let me have my, like,

1460
00:53:49,420 --> 00:53:51,554
semi colon to finish the thought.

1461
00:53:52,434 --> 00:53:54,034
The one thing I am not as a

1462
00:53:54,034 --> 00:53:55,894
baby girl at this point in life

1463
00:53:56,275 --> 00:53:56,934
is spoiled.

1464
00:53:57,474 --> 00:53:58,454
Semi colon,

1465
00:53:58,835 --> 00:54:00,054
partial new thought.

1466
00:54:01,474 --> 00:54:05,010
Not because he is incapable of spoiling me.

1467
00:54:05,250 --> 00:54:06,929
He's capable of it. He does not have

1468
00:54:06,929 --> 00:54:08,070
access to resources

1469
00:54:08,449 --> 00:54:10,070
with which to spoil me,

1470
00:54:10,369 --> 00:54:13,090
and he's a sadist. So sometimes he actually

1471
00:54:13,090 --> 00:54:14,710
likes me to be a little miserable,

1472
00:54:15,809 --> 00:54:16,309
consensually.

1473
00:54:17,730 --> 00:54:19,570
Oh, you mean you wanted me to bring

1474
00:54:19,570 --> 00:54:20,869
you home a diet cocaine?

1475
00:54:21,224 --> 00:54:22,925
Which is why I stopped sucking ass.

1476
00:54:23,864 --> 00:54:26,505
Because then he gets a little sadistic thrill

1477
00:54:26,505 --> 00:54:28,364
of going, oh, I know what you wanted.

1478
00:54:28,905 --> 00:54:29,405
No.

1479
00:54:30,425 --> 00:54:32,505
Which I do find that I do find

1480
00:54:32,505 --> 00:54:35,349
that fascinating because it it tracks for me.

1481
00:54:35,349 --> 00:54:36,869
It makes sense in my brain that there

1482
00:54:36,869 --> 00:54:38,250
would be a push and pull

1483
00:54:38,789 --> 00:54:42,250
as a caregiver doll of am I spoiling?

1484
00:54:42,710 --> 00:54:45,429
Am I indulging too much? Am I being

1485
00:54:45,429 --> 00:54:47,014
too hard? Am I, yeah.

1486
00:54:47,714 --> 00:54:49,155
And I can't wait till we get back

1487
00:54:49,155 --> 00:54:50,775
to a point in life where

1488
00:54:51,635 --> 00:54:54,135
those are decisions you can make again.

1489
00:54:54,835 --> 00:54:56,934
I think that's a good kind of pressure.

1490
00:54:59,449 --> 00:55:00,589
You know? Yeah.

1491
00:55:01,609 --> 00:55:02,109
So,

1492
00:55:03,369 --> 00:55:06,089
mister Spak, in the Mhmm. The live chat

1493
00:55:06,089 --> 00:55:07,630
mentions health. And

1494
00:55:08,010 --> 00:55:09,469
in your case, thankfully,

1495
00:55:10,250 --> 00:55:13,135
your health has been fairly stable. Yes. Your

1496
00:55:13,135 --> 00:55:14,815
mental health has been our biggest concern, but

1497
00:55:14,815 --> 00:55:17,375
then there was there's your back. And there

1498
00:55:17,375 --> 00:55:18,974
are things that you have had to deal

1499
00:55:18,974 --> 00:55:20,595
with physically, medically.

1500
00:55:21,055 --> 00:55:22,914
Mhmm. During those times

1501
00:55:23,375 --> 00:55:23,815
Mhmm.

1502
00:55:24,255 --> 00:55:25,615
We know we know mental health. We just

1503
00:55:25,615 --> 00:55:27,535
had that conversation. Right. But unless your physical

1504
00:55:27,535 --> 00:55:29,300
health, like, just the way your back has

1505
00:55:29,300 --> 00:55:31,320
has changed and what you've had to change

1506
00:55:31,380 --> 00:55:34,179
how you do things over the years, does

1507
00:55:34,179 --> 00:55:34,679
that

1508
00:55:35,860 --> 00:55:38,179
add to the pressure? Does it create its

1509
00:55:38,179 --> 00:55:40,599
own kind of pressure for you? It

1510
00:55:41,855 --> 00:55:44,194
it it does create a pressure. Mhmm.

1511
00:55:46,014 --> 00:55:46,514
Okay?

1512
00:55:51,614 --> 00:55:52,514
Yeah, it does.

1513
00:55:55,099 --> 00:55:56,559
You know, because with my

1514
00:55:57,739 --> 00:55:58,800
back, for me,

1515
00:56:00,539 --> 00:56:01,199
you know,

1516
00:56:01,579 --> 00:56:02,320
up here,

1517
00:56:02,860 --> 00:56:03,420
I'm still

1518
00:56:03,900 --> 00:56:05,980
The head is willing. You know, I'm still

1519
00:56:05,980 --> 00:56:08,355
30 years old up here. I mean, same.

1520
00:56:08,355 --> 00:56:10,355
Okay. Same. 25, but same. And and and

1521
00:56:10,355 --> 00:56:12,434
then when I try to do something Right.

1522
00:56:12,514 --> 00:56:14,594
As a 30 year old, my body tells

1523
00:56:14,594 --> 00:56:15,235
me, you know,

1524
00:56:15,715 --> 00:56:18,054
no. No. No. No.

1525
00:56:19,394 --> 00:56:19,894
Yeah.

1526
00:56:22,114 --> 00:56:22,855
You know,

1527
00:56:25,119 --> 00:56:25,619
so

1528
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:31,440
going through what I have gone through with

1529
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:32,179
my back,

1530
00:56:33,519 --> 00:56:34,019
okay,

1531
00:56:35,679 --> 00:56:37,994
and into something I have dealt with for

1532
00:56:37,994 --> 00:56:40,654
many years. Yeah, like decades at this point.

1533
00:56:41,594 --> 00:56:44,234
Yeah. Yeah. It's a chronic condition for you,

1534
00:56:44,234 --> 00:56:45,934
that just flares or whatever.

1535
00:56:46,315 --> 00:56:47,214
Yeah. Yeah.

1536
00:56:49,194 --> 00:56:49,855
You know,

1537
00:56:50,394 --> 00:56:51,594
back in my late

1538
00:56:52,940 --> 00:56:55,019
mid late thirties when it first started acting

1539
00:56:55,019 --> 00:56:55,519
up,

1540
00:56:55,980 --> 00:56:58,400
I I would say my body has betrayed

1541
00:56:58,460 --> 00:56:58,960
me.

1542
00:56:59,500 --> 00:57:01,360
Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay? Mhmm.

1543
00:57:02,220 --> 00:57:05,039
You know, I Oh, the hubris of youth.

1544
00:57:05,180 --> 00:57:06,135
Yeah. Yeah.

1545
00:57:07,335 --> 00:57:08,695
Well, you know, one of one of the

1546
00:57:08,695 --> 00:57:10,315
reasons I say that is because

1547
00:57:11,094 --> 00:57:13,655
up until my back really gave me a

1548
00:57:13,655 --> 00:57:14,155
a

1549
00:57:15,574 --> 00:57:16,875
that it really went

1550
00:57:17,335 --> 00:57:18,954
to a point that I had to,

1551
00:57:19,329 --> 00:57:21,250
you know, take notice of it and really

1552
00:57:21,250 --> 00:57:22,230
take care of it,

1553
00:57:23,730 --> 00:57:24,230
I,

1554
00:57:25,170 --> 00:57:26,630
you know, was an avid

1555
00:57:27,170 --> 00:57:28,150
kayak fisherman.

1556
00:57:28,769 --> 00:57:29,269
Alright?

1557
00:57:30,690 --> 00:57:33,269
Loved it. I I had several kayaks

1558
00:57:34,764 --> 00:57:36,605
sit on tops that I, you know, go

1559
00:57:36,605 --> 00:57:37,905
out in the Gulf on.

1560
00:57:38,204 --> 00:57:39,985
Each one was set up for a different

1561
00:57:40,204 --> 00:57:41,184
type of fishing,

1562
00:57:43,324 --> 00:57:45,565
and and when my back finally exploded, I

1563
00:57:45,565 --> 00:57:46,864
had to give that all up.

1564
00:57:47,804 --> 00:57:49,409
And ironically, we were

1565
00:57:50,289 --> 00:57:50,789
the

1566
00:57:51,170 --> 00:57:52,389
literally, 2 days

1567
00:57:52,769 --> 00:57:54,309
after we had a conversation

1568
00:57:54,609 --> 00:57:56,389
Yeah. A year or so ago

1569
00:57:56,690 --> 00:57:59,089
about how we could maybe ease you back

1570
00:57:59,089 --> 00:58:00,869
into it Right. With help,

1571
00:58:01,505 --> 00:58:03,585
your back when your back is trying to

1572
00:58:03,585 --> 00:58:04,804
tell you something. Yeah.

1573
00:58:05,425 --> 00:58:07,204
But, you know, what what

1574
00:58:07,664 --> 00:58:10,804
comes from it, because I'm a stubborn bastard.

1575
00:58:11,425 --> 00:58:13,445
You you really are. Thank you.

1576
00:58:14,065 --> 00:58:15,605
You know me for who I am.

1577
00:58:18,539 --> 00:58:19,119
You know,

1578
00:58:20,700 --> 00:58:21,840
I'm gonna say, well,

1579
00:58:22,220 --> 00:58:22,780
you know, I

1580
00:58:23,660 --> 00:58:25,500
this is it. I can't do this anymore.

1581
00:58:25,500 --> 00:58:27,519
I can't do this certain things anymore.

1582
00:58:28,700 --> 00:58:30,480
What it has done for me is,

1583
00:58:31,974 --> 00:58:33,974
you know, yeah, it's put the pressure on

1584
00:58:33,974 --> 00:58:36,295
me of, you know, not being able to

1585
00:58:36,295 --> 00:58:38,135
do things the way I'm I'm used to

1586
00:58:38,135 --> 00:58:39,734
doing and would like to do. Right.

1587
00:58:40,614 --> 00:58:41,114
But

1588
00:58:43,175 --> 00:58:44,875
once get over that

1589
00:58:45,890 --> 00:58:47,750
that feeling, it's almost like grieving

1590
00:58:48,210 --> 00:58:49,910
Yep. In a in a way.

1591
00:58:52,210 --> 00:58:54,469
You know, then I start looking for,

1592
00:58:54,930 --> 00:58:55,989
alright, well, what

1593
00:58:56,530 --> 00:58:58,815
can I do? How can I do what

1594
00:58:58,815 --> 00:59:00,255
I used to do Just in a different

1595
00:59:00,255 --> 00:59:00,494
way?

1596
00:59:01,375 --> 00:59:04,494
That that I can work around Mhmm. You

1597
00:59:04,494 --> 00:59:04,994
know.

1598
00:59:05,534 --> 00:59:06,255
Yeah. I mean

1599
00:59:07,534 --> 00:59:08,835
Sorry. Go ahead. That's okay.

1600
00:59:09,295 --> 00:59:11,795
You know, that's that's that's kind of,

1601
00:59:12,190 --> 00:59:13,650
you know, the the outcome,

1602
00:59:15,630 --> 00:59:17,590
but, you know, yeah, the the the medical

1603
00:59:17,789 --> 00:59:20,190
yeah. Absolutely does put a a good amount

1604
00:59:20,190 --> 00:59:20,849
of pressure.

1605
00:59:22,269 --> 00:59:23,170
Does that

1606
00:59:23,469 --> 00:59:23,969
pressure

1607
00:59:24,945 --> 00:59:26,945
get alleviated at all while you're going through

1608
00:59:26,945 --> 00:59:28,945
the medical stuff? Like, during that time period

1609
00:59:28,945 --> 00:59:31,285
where your back was just that was bad.

1610
00:59:31,344 --> 00:59:31,844
Yeah.

1611
00:59:32,704 --> 00:59:34,545
When when the doctors are like, how are

1612
00:59:34,545 --> 00:59:35,204
you walking?

1613
00:59:37,219 --> 00:59:39,639
You know, it's it ain't good. I know.

1614
00:59:40,420 --> 00:59:41,400
Is there anything

1615
00:59:41,859 --> 00:59:44,339
during that time that can alleviate the pressure?

1616
00:59:44,339 --> 00:59:46,099
Or is it a matter of working through

1617
00:59:46,099 --> 00:59:48,579
it, getting stabilizing in some way, whatever that

1618
00:59:48,579 --> 00:59:51,139
means, and then the pressure? During that moment

1619
00:59:51,380 --> 00:59:51,855
Mhmm.

1620
00:59:52,335 --> 00:59:54,034
No. The only thought on my mind

1621
00:59:54,335 --> 00:59:56,974
is is getting to the other side of

1622
00:59:56,974 --> 00:59:59,215
this. And what you're not able to do

1623
00:59:59,215 --> 01:00:01,234
while you're Right. Yeah. Yeah.

1624
01:00:01,534 --> 01:00:04,195
You know? For sure. And and, you know,

1625
01:00:04,769 --> 01:00:06,710
taking care of what I need to do.

1626
01:00:06,769 --> 01:00:07,010
Mhmm.

1627
01:00:07,809 --> 01:00:08,050
It

1628
01:00:10,050 --> 01:00:12,449
Are there times that you have been able

1629
01:00:12,449 --> 01:00:13,269
to use

1630
01:00:13,570 --> 01:00:15,969
your dominance to alleviate pressure? And I'm what

1631
01:00:15,969 --> 01:00:17,250
I mean by that is, like, the way

1632
01:00:17,250 --> 01:00:19,349
we're set up, I'm a service sub. So

1633
01:00:20,744 --> 01:00:22,764
you don't pick up certain

1634
01:00:23,224 --> 01:00:25,864
substances on the ground. I'm I'm trying not

1635
01:00:25,864 --> 01:00:26,984
to say it too often. I don't wanna,

1636
01:00:26,984 --> 01:00:29,464
like, mess up anybody's, like, stomach or whatever.

1637
01:00:29,464 --> 01:00:29,964
Yeah.

1638
01:00:31,384 --> 01:00:33,464
And that's the thing that we negotiated that.

1639
01:00:33,464 --> 01:00:34,204
But, like,

1640
01:00:34,505 --> 01:00:34,824
that

1641
01:00:35,304 --> 01:00:37,750
you know, what that also means is

1642
01:00:38,849 --> 01:00:40,609
it might be 5 o'clock in the morning.

1643
01:00:40,609 --> 01:00:42,050
He wakes up, and it might be 6

1644
01:00:42,050 --> 01:00:43,510
o'clock before I wake up.

1645
01:00:43,969 --> 01:00:45,510
And I have a task at 601.

1646
01:00:47,089 --> 01:00:48,864
But it happened at, like, 2:30 in the

1647
01:00:48,864 --> 01:00:50,724
morning. So Yeah. Anyway,

1648
01:00:51,184 --> 01:00:52,724
are but are there times

1649
01:00:53,265 --> 01:00:55,744
because you you know, the way our power

1650
01:00:55,744 --> 01:00:57,664
exchange works, I am your service that I

1651
01:00:57,664 --> 01:00:59,425
do things when you tell me to do

1652
01:00:59,425 --> 01:01:01,679
them Yes. That you have been able to

1653
01:01:01,679 --> 01:01:04,659
use your dominance to alleviate other pressures,

1654
01:01:05,519 --> 01:01:07,360
or to alleviate the pressures of some of

1655
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:09,119
your worries that might be tied to power

1656
01:01:09,119 --> 01:01:11,059
exchange. To to a certain extent,

1657
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:13,460
yes.

1658
01:01:14,105 --> 01:01:14,605
But

1659
01:01:15,545 --> 01:01:16,764
I also know

1660
01:01:18,744 --> 01:01:20,444
that that is a power

1661
01:01:21,144 --> 01:01:22,684
needs to be used cautiously.

1662
01:01:23,065 --> 01:01:25,065
Oh, yeah. For sure. For sure. For sure.

1663
01:01:25,065 --> 01:01:25,565
Okay?

1664
01:01:25,864 --> 01:01:28,525
Be because, you know, what good is it

1665
01:01:29,144 --> 01:01:30,469
if I'm feeling

1666
01:01:31,650 --> 01:01:32,150
pressured

1667
01:01:32,849 --> 01:01:35,570
by all these extraneous things, and I just

1668
01:01:35,570 --> 01:01:36,389
take and go,

1669
01:01:37,250 --> 01:01:40,869
okay, my baby girl, my beautiful submissive, here,

1670
01:01:40,929 --> 01:01:42,130
this is all for you to do now.

1671
01:01:42,130 --> 01:01:43,250
Go take care of it. Go take care

1672
01:01:43,250 --> 01:01:45,265
of it. And yet there are times I

1673
01:01:45,265 --> 01:01:46,864
would give anything to do that for you,

1674
01:01:46,864 --> 01:01:48,545
but even I know that there's a limitation

1675
01:01:48,545 --> 01:01:50,164
to that, yeah. It's not,

1676
01:01:51,105 --> 01:01:53,684
you know, feasible. Not long term. No.

1677
01:01:54,785 --> 01:01:55,285
And,

1678
01:01:56,065 --> 01:01:56,804
you know,

1679
01:01:59,130 --> 01:02:00,829
To me that, you know, overusing,

1680
01:02:01,529 --> 01:02:04,329
overreaking something is an abuse of my power.

1681
01:02:04,329 --> 01:02:05,789
I would agree with that. And

1682
01:02:06,409 --> 01:02:08,989
I don't wanna go there. I appreciate that.

1683
01:02:09,449 --> 01:02:11,469
I don't wanna go there. I really do.

1684
01:02:13,704 --> 01:02:15,144
So I So I mean, you know, yeah.

1685
01:02:15,144 --> 01:02:17,085
Yeah. On on one hand, it could be,

1686
01:02:17,385 --> 01:02:18,824
oh, you know, I I can take all

1687
01:02:18,824 --> 01:02:20,984
this shit and dump it on somebody else,

1688
01:02:20,984 --> 01:02:22,844
and I'm golden. Right.

1689
01:02:24,105 --> 01:02:26,844
But it it doesn't. It it just transfers

1690
01:02:26,984 --> 01:02:29,510
it to you Right. And and the pressure

1691
01:02:29,510 --> 01:02:31,190
is still there, but in a different way.

1692
01:02:31,190 --> 01:02:32,869
Right. And then there's a new pressure because

1693
01:02:32,869 --> 01:02:34,710
now, you know, you've got a a submissive

1694
01:02:34,710 --> 01:02:36,550
who can't keep up, a submissive who's frazzled,

1695
01:02:36,550 --> 01:02:37,929
a submissive who's stressed.

1696
01:02:38,309 --> 01:02:41,094
Right. There's probably some resentment building, you know,

1697
01:02:41,094 --> 01:02:43,494
from Yeah. So, you know, yeah. It's it's

1698
01:02:43,494 --> 01:02:43,994
something

1699
01:02:44,295 --> 01:02:46,614
I do. I I have done Mhmm. With

1700
01:02:46,614 --> 01:02:47,894
you in the past, but I try to

1701
01:02:47,894 --> 01:02:49,675
be very judicious about it.

1702
01:02:50,135 --> 01:02:52,315
Yeah. And and I appreciate that.

1703
01:02:54,215 --> 01:02:56,059
I mean, I like to think that we've

1704
01:02:56,059 --> 01:02:58,380
kind of set up our power exchange in

1705
01:02:58,380 --> 01:02:59,199
a way that

1706
01:02:59,659 --> 01:03:02,219
as often as makes sense for us and

1707
01:03:02,219 --> 01:03:03,440
for me specifically,

1708
01:03:04,380 --> 01:03:06,219
I try to make your life a little

1709
01:03:06,219 --> 01:03:06,719
easier

1710
01:03:07,099 --> 01:03:09,199
anyway. True. So that

1711
01:03:09,500 --> 01:03:12,324
there are maybe fewer stresses for stressors for

1712
01:03:12,324 --> 01:03:14,005
you outside of power exchange, like just in

1713
01:03:14,005 --> 01:03:15,525
life in general, or I'm doing things that

1714
01:03:15,525 --> 01:03:17,444
make your life a little bit easier. And

1715
01:03:17,444 --> 01:03:17,944
so

1716
01:03:18,404 --> 01:03:20,804
I want to be able to do that

1717
01:03:20,804 --> 01:03:24,769
for you. Yeah. And also, I'm damn grateful

1718
01:03:24,989 --> 01:03:27,489
you do not take advantage of that. Yeah.

1719
01:03:28,190 --> 01:03:30,269
That's another good self check for the doms

1720
01:03:30,269 --> 01:03:32,230
out there. Well, I I mean, again, it

1721
01:03:32,349 --> 01:03:33,650
it's one of those things,

1722
01:03:34,349 --> 01:03:36,929
if I were to abuse that privilege

1723
01:03:39,114 --> 01:03:41,355
okay, what's it gonna do? In the end,

1724
01:03:41,355 --> 01:03:41,855
it's

1725
01:03:42,555 --> 01:03:44,795
probably gonna drive a wedge. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1726
01:03:44,795 --> 01:03:46,315
Now you got problems going on. And and

1727
01:03:46,315 --> 01:03:48,635
and then you got problems and, you know,

1728
01:03:48,635 --> 01:03:50,715
then your your your power exchange has gone

1729
01:03:50,715 --> 01:03:52,494
to shit and what do you got? Right.

1730
01:03:52,875 --> 01:03:55,150
So, You know, you you you have to

1731
01:03:55,150 --> 01:03:55,650
find

1732
01:03:56,030 --> 01:03:58,190
that that balance. You have to walk that

1733
01:03:58,190 --> 01:04:01,070
line. And it's a it's a responsibility that

1734
01:04:01,070 --> 01:04:02,750
has a level of pressure of its own,

1735
01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:03,969
but it's not a

1736
01:04:04,269 --> 01:04:07,010
negative pressure. It's just a knowledge of

1737
01:04:07,309 --> 01:04:09,425
I gotta be careful. Right. I got

1738
01:04:09,965 --> 01:04:11,425
yeah. Excuse me.

1739
01:04:12,045 --> 01:04:12,545
Mhmm.

1740
01:04:13,164 --> 01:04:14,765
Mhmm. Is there anything else you'd like to

1741
01:04:14,765 --> 01:04:17,085
say about the pressures or the privileges that

1742
01:04:17,085 --> 01:04:18,465
you experience as a dom?

1743
01:04:20,605 --> 01:04:22,530
I don't think so. Because I've ran out

1744
01:04:22,530 --> 01:04:24,710
of questions to ask you. So Okay. Okay.

1745
01:04:25,489 --> 01:04:28,230
Okay. So yeah. I I think that's yeah.

1746
01:04:29,329 --> 01:04:30,950
Like we said at the beginning,

1747
01:04:31,890 --> 01:04:33,730
you if you are a dominant, you may

1748
01:04:33,730 --> 01:04:35,804
have a completely different experience of what feels

1749
01:04:35,804 --> 01:04:37,244
like pressure to you, what feels like a

1750
01:04:37,244 --> 01:04:39,644
privilege to you, how you handle those things.

1751
01:04:39,644 --> 01:04:41,484
That that's all fine. That is all that's

1752
01:04:41,484 --> 01:04:42,224
all fine.

1753
01:04:43,885 --> 01:04:46,284
I I find it fascinating that for you,

1754
01:04:46,284 --> 01:04:47,804
I sort of expected when I was thinking

1755
01:04:47,804 --> 01:04:49,724
about this topic, that you would, like, get

1756
01:04:49,724 --> 01:04:51,179
granular in the things where and

1757
01:04:53,179 --> 01:04:53,278
and you're like, no, no, no, big picture.

1758
01:04:53,278 --> 01:04:54,219
This is where I feel the pressure. The

1759
01:04:54,219 --> 01:04:56,480
small stuff takes care of its fucking self.

1760
01:04:56,539 --> 01:04:58,619
It's the big thing. It's the big things.

1761
01:04:58,619 --> 01:05:00,539
Yeah. And I think that's that's gonna be

1762
01:05:00,539 --> 01:05:02,300
one experience. And then somebody else is gonna

1763
01:05:02,300 --> 01:05:03,275
be like, no, no, no. I can I

1764
01:05:03,275 --> 01:05:04,954
can write you an itemized list of what

1765
01:05:05,035 --> 01:05:06,394
where I feel pressure? And I think that's

1766
01:05:06,394 --> 01:05:07,535
fine. I think

1767
01:05:07,914 --> 01:05:09,695
I don't think it's necessarily

1768
01:05:10,474 --> 01:05:11,535
healthy to

1769
01:05:12,155 --> 01:05:12,655
spend

1770
01:05:13,355 --> 01:05:14,494
all of your time

1771
01:05:14,795 --> 01:05:17,695
thinking about how hard things are,

1772
01:05:18,549 --> 01:05:19,670
as long as it's something you want to

1773
01:05:19,670 --> 01:05:21,190
continue to do. But I do think it's

1774
01:05:21,190 --> 01:05:22,409
important to acknowledge

1775
01:05:23,030 --> 01:05:25,349
that, yeah, Adam, if if you're in a

1776
01:05:25,349 --> 01:05:26,089
good relationship

1777
01:05:26,389 --> 01:05:28,150
and you're doing things right, you have it

1778
01:05:28,150 --> 01:05:28,650
good.

1779
01:05:29,030 --> 01:05:30,089
Mhmm. But also,

1780
01:05:30,630 --> 01:05:33,135
that doesn't make it easy to do all

1781
01:05:33,135 --> 01:05:34,755
the time or Right.

1782
01:05:35,454 --> 01:05:38,255
Stress free all of the time. And that

1783
01:05:38,255 --> 01:05:39,155
kind of acknowledgment,

1784
01:05:39,614 --> 01:05:41,614
both as an internal check, like, am I

1785
01:05:41,614 --> 01:05:44,414
abusing my power? And even as an external

1786
01:05:44,414 --> 01:05:45,635
check with your partner,

1787
01:05:46,574 --> 01:05:47,235
you know,

1788
01:05:48,059 --> 01:05:49,900
because you and I have gotten to a

1789
01:05:49,900 --> 01:05:52,219
point over the years that I try to

1790
01:05:52,219 --> 01:05:53,739
be really mindful when I can tell that

1791
01:05:53,739 --> 01:05:54,640
outside stressors

1792
01:05:55,019 --> 01:05:57,599
are impacting you. I try to be

1793
01:05:58,539 --> 01:06:00,860
cognizant of that in how I approach you

1794
01:06:00,860 --> 01:06:02,860
and how we deal with things. And, you

1795
01:06:02,860 --> 01:06:04,784
know, we have enough experience now. I know

1796
01:06:04,784 --> 01:06:06,465
to ask, hey. Would you like me to

1797
01:06:06,465 --> 01:06:08,224
just, like, take some of these decisions and

1798
01:06:08,224 --> 01:06:09,824
just handle them? Yeah. And we can do

1799
01:06:09,824 --> 01:06:11,824
that now because we've gone through enough times

1800
01:06:11,824 --> 01:06:13,105
where you've had to go, I can't do

1801
01:06:13,105 --> 01:06:15,425
it. And we we know each other Right.

1802
01:06:15,505 --> 01:06:16,244
Well enough.

1803
01:06:16,625 --> 01:06:18,065
You know? So we can

1804
01:06:18,929 --> 01:06:22,050
we have we have developed our ways to

1805
01:06:22,050 --> 01:06:25,170
navigate them, and we are both aware of

1806
01:06:25,170 --> 01:06:27,569
how that kind of stuff can impact you.

1807
01:06:27,569 --> 01:06:28,069
Mhmm.

1808
01:06:28,530 --> 01:06:30,150
If that is not a conversation

1809
01:06:30,449 --> 01:06:32,609
that you and your power exchange have had

1810
01:06:32,609 --> 01:06:34,344
with a partner, and and you don't know

1811
01:06:34,344 --> 01:06:35,785
how to handle it and you don't know

1812
01:06:35,785 --> 01:06:38,425
how your partner either feels about being the

1813
01:06:38,425 --> 01:06:40,664
one on the receiving end of the feeling

1814
01:06:40,664 --> 01:06:43,385
the pressure or like in my case, if

1815
01:06:43,385 --> 01:06:43,885
his

1816
01:06:44,425 --> 01:06:46,664
if when the pressure got too much, he

1817
01:06:46,664 --> 01:06:48,045
started lashing out

1818
01:06:48,469 --> 01:06:50,089
and I wasn't saying anything,

1819
01:06:51,429 --> 01:06:53,210
that would be a problem.

1820
01:06:54,230 --> 01:06:56,469
So, you know, it's it's good to be

1821
01:06:56,469 --> 01:06:58,869
aware of those things. It's good to do

1822
01:06:58,869 --> 01:07:01,349
a self check. Yeah. Submissives, if you are

1823
01:07:01,349 --> 01:07:03,670
resentful of things in your power exchange that

1824
01:07:03,670 --> 01:07:05,375
comes from somewhere, and there are many places

1825
01:07:05,375 --> 01:07:06,655
it can come from. We have talked about

1826
01:07:06,655 --> 01:07:08,594
this. Lack of self care, overextending

1827
01:07:08,894 --> 01:07:09,394
yourself,

1828
01:07:09,855 --> 01:07:11,155
not communicating properly,

1829
01:07:11,775 --> 01:07:13,795
not managing expectations. But also,

1830
01:07:14,335 --> 01:07:15,474
do you have

1831
01:07:16,094 --> 01:07:16,914
a dom

1832
01:07:17,375 --> 01:07:18,719
who is to alleviate their

1833
01:07:19,840 --> 01:07:21,760
own sense of this I'm feeling too much.

1834
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:23,059
This is too much for me,

1835
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:26,239
abusing that power and having you do everything

1836
01:07:26,239 --> 01:07:28,800
for them? Do you have a dom who

1837
01:07:28,800 --> 01:07:32,099
is being affected by the pressure they feel

1838
01:07:33,315 --> 01:07:35,394
but not talking about it or admitting it

1839
01:07:35,394 --> 01:07:37,494
and trying to act like everything's fine.

1840
01:07:37,954 --> 01:07:40,195
Well, if that's the you you're there's gonna

1841
01:07:40,195 --> 01:07:42,614
be resentment building, especially if if

1842
01:07:42,914 --> 01:07:44,295
you are like, as

1843
01:07:44,755 --> 01:07:46,594
every power change is different, blah blah blah.

1844
01:07:46,594 --> 01:07:48,375
There are many things I can still do.

1845
01:07:48,650 --> 01:07:49,550
JB can be crumbling

1846
01:07:50,090 --> 01:07:51,630
over there physically and mentally,

1847
01:07:51,930 --> 01:07:53,930
and I can still keep ticking along doing

1848
01:07:53,930 --> 01:07:55,230
what I do as a submissive

1849
01:07:55,849 --> 01:07:57,210
in a lot of ways because that's how

1850
01:07:57,210 --> 01:07:58,410
we've set ours up. But if you are

1851
01:07:58,410 --> 01:07:59,070
a submissive

1852
01:07:59,530 --> 01:08:00,030
who

1853
01:08:00,329 --> 01:08:02,684
has the kind of power exchange where many,

1854
01:08:02,684 --> 01:08:04,864
many parts of your day, your life,

1855
01:08:05,565 --> 01:08:08,045
have to get a decision from a partner,

1856
01:08:08,045 --> 01:08:09,025
and that partner

1857
01:08:09,644 --> 01:08:11,644
is buckling under the weight of some of

1858
01:08:11,644 --> 01:08:14,445
the pressure but not talking about it, you

1859
01:08:14,445 --> 01:08:16,284
are going to have a different kind of

1860
01:08:16,284 --> 01:08:16,784
experience

1861
01:08:17,550 --> 01:08:19,310
of that than I am gonna have, and

1862
01:08:19,310 --> 01:08:21,969
it is going to directly impact your submission.

1863
01:08:22,109 --> 01:08:23,630
There has to be a conversation about it.

1864
01:08:23,630 --> 01:08:26,849
And, you know, everybody reacts differently to pressure.

1865
01:08:28,429 --> 01:08:30,750
You know, there are there are I will

1866
01:08:30,750 --> 01:08:31,969
say, there are times

1867
01:08:32,645 --> 01:08:33,145
when

1868
01:08:34,725 --> 01:08:36,025
the pressure is on,

1869
01:08:36,725 --> 01:08:38,725
man, I'm like, alright, bring it. And it's

1870
01:08:38,725 --> 01:08:40,405
a good thing. It's a positive. Yeah. You

1871
01:08:40,405 --> 01:08:42,324
know, some sometimes it's a good thing and

1872
01:08:42,324 --> 01:08:45,045
like, you know, oh, you're gonna you're gonna

1873
01:08:45,045 --> 01:08:47,659
put the screws on? Let's go. It's invigorating.

1874
01:08:47,720 --> 01:08:49,239
That's what I want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You

1875
01:08:49,239 --> 01:08:51,960
know? And and I just jump in and,

1876
01:08:51,960 --> 01:08:52,539
you know,

1877
01:08:53,239 --> 01:08:55,560
guns blazing and and, you know, have at

1878
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:56,060
it.

1879
01:08:56,840 --> 01:08:59,020
And other times, yeah, it can be tough.

1880
01:08:59,960 --> 01:09:00,460
Mhmm.

1881
01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:01,395
Yeah.

1882
01:09:02,194 --> 01:09:03,635
And I don't I don't think,

1883
01:09:04,114 --> 01:09:06,435
acknowledging that, admitting it, figuring out ways to

1884
01:09:06,435 --> 01:09:08,435
deal with it is a weakness. Very good.

1885
01:09:08,435 --> 01:09:08,935
Yeah.

1886
01:09:09,954 --> 01:09:12,675
So yeah. Okay. K. Is that it for

1887
01:09:12,675 --> 01:09:14,114
us? I think so. I guess we'll do

1888
01:09:14,114 --> 01:09:16,854
a bonus section? Yeah. Okay. K.

1889
01:09:17,280 --> 01:09:18,899
So we're good? I don't know.

1890
01:09:20,159 --> 01:09:22,579
Maybe. Kinda, sorta. I don't know.

1891
01:09:23,680 --> 01:09:25,359
Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you

1892
01:09:25,359 --> 01:09:26,100
next week.

1893
01:09:35,664 --> 01:09:36,164
Dottie.

1894
01:09:37,425 --> 01:09:39,425
Yes, baby girl. Can we talk with the

1895
01:09:39,425 --> 01:09:40,565
crickets? Yes.

1896
01:09:40,945 --> 01:09:41,445
Okay.

1897
01:09:42,145 --> 01:09:43,425
I'm pretty sure there was a thing I

1898
01:09:43,425 --> 01:09:45,445
was, like, saving for the bonus section.

1899
01:09:46,145 --> 01:09:47,204
Gone. Gone.

1900
01:09:47,744 --> 01:09:48,805
Gone. Gone.

1901
01:09:49,880 --> 01:09:52,119
Gone. I would like to report for the

1902
01:09:52,119 --> 01:09:53,719
for the 2nd week in a row. Apparently,

1903
01:09:53,719 --> 01:09:55,979
it's like a once a week thing.

1904
01:09:56,359 --> 01:09:57,179
I caught

1905
01:09:58,359 --> 01:10:01,819
Ella grooming Onyx and Onyx allowing it.

1906
01:10:02,359 --> 01:10:02,859
Mhmm.

1907
01:10:04,215 --> 01:10:06,614
I don't know if it happens frequently and

1908
01:10:06,614 --> 01:10:08,295
just when nobody is watching. I don't know,

1909
01:10:08,295 --> 01:10:10,055
but I'm standing in the kitchen. The 2

1910
01:10:10,055 --> 01:10:11,034
of them were there.

1911
01:10:11,414 --> 01:10:13,895
And I turn around, and their, like, their

1912
01:10:13,895 --> 01:10:14,875
face and one another,

1913
01:10:15,335 --> 01:10:16,854
they weren't sitting or laying down. They were

1914
01:10:16,854 --> 01:10:18,270
standing up. And their

1915
01:10:18,750 --> 01:10:20,770
heads are like the cheek to cheek. Mhmm.

1916
01:10:20,909 --> 01:10:23,329
And Ella's just nuzzling and cleaning.

1917
01:10:23,710 --> 01:10:25,789
And Onyx is standing there and standing there

1918
01:10:25,789 --> 01:10:26,850
until she's like, no.

1919
01:10:27,390 --> 01:10:28,529
Too much. Too much.

1920
01:10:28,909 --> 01:10:30,130
And then she was gone.

1921
01:10:30,750 --> 01:10:32,350
Oh, dear. I don't have to tell you

1922
01:10:32,350 --> 01:10:34,824
how Lola's doing. She let you know throughout

1923
01:10:34,885 --> 01:10:36,104
this entire podcast

1924
01:10:36,564 --> 01:10:39,465
thing. Yeah. Lola is very vocal today.

1925
01:10:40,725 --> 01:10:41,225
Lord.

1926
01:10:41,765 --> 01:10:43,364
Weirdly, there are times I wish she would

1927
01:10:43,364 --> 01:10:45,845
be vocal. I I know. It's she when

1928
01:10:45,845 --> 01:10:47,204
I and I don't I can't even think

1929
01:10:47,204 --> 01:10:48,485
of why I would want her to be

1930
01:10:48,485 --> 01:10:48,985
vocal.

1931
01:10:49,630 --> 01:10:51,550
But when you want her to be vocal,

1932
01:10:51,550 --> 01:10:53,390
not vocal. Yeah. When you're, like, please be

1933
01:10:53,390 --> 01:10:56,190
quiet. Mhmm. She's got plenty to stay. But,

1934
01:10:56,190 --> 01:10:58,130
you know, I in in her defense,

1935
01:10:58,909 --> 01:11:00,350
I know. You know, we She wants her

1936
01:11:00,350 --> 01:11:02,130
walk. She she wants her walk.

1937
01:11:03,345 --> 01:11:05,125
You know, we we have been working

1938
01:11:05,664 --> 01:11:06,965
really, really hard

1939
01:11:07,905 --> 01:11:10,305
with her to get her weight down. Mhmm.

1940
01:11:10,305 --> 01:11:13,185
You know? And and her walks are are

1941
01:11:13,185 --> 01:11:15,025
important for her, you know, to get get

1942
01:11:15,025 --> 01:11:17,605
out some exercise because she doesn't dog.

1943
01:11:18,145 --> 01:11:20,010
No. She does does not. She ain't chasing

1944
01:11:20,010 --> 01:11:22,170
a ball. She ain't running around the yard.

1945
01:11:22,170 --> 01:11:23,930
No. She does not understand what the deal

1946
01:11:23,930 --> 01:11:26,090
is. What what I find That's my dog.

1947
01:11:26,170 --> 01:11:27,630
It is totally hilarious.

1948
01:11:29,289 --> 01:11:31,149
She will go outside in the backyard

1949
01:11:32,329 --> 01:11:33,310
during the day,

1950
01:11:34,015 --> 01:11:35,854
and she will walk out that door. She'll

1951
01:11:35,854 --> 01:11:37,534
walk 2 feet away from the door, and

1952
01:11:37,534 --> 01:11:38,835
just fall on the ground,

1953
01:11:39,215 --> 01:11:40,975
and just sit there and sunbathe. Oh my

1954
01:11:40,975 --> 01:11:42,494
god, it could be so hot, and she's

1955
01:11:42,494 --> 01:11:44,095
like I would like to lay on this

1956
01:11:44,095 --> 01:11:46,835
concrete pad out here. Now, in the meantime,

1957
01:11:47,694 --> 01:11:49,920
all around her in the backyard,

1958
01:11:50,539 --> 01:11:52,079
the squirrels are frolicking,

1959
01:11:52,539 --> 01:11:55,100
and the birds are doing their thing, and

1960
01:11:55,100 --> 01:11:57,260
you know what? She never budges. Sometimes there's

1961
01:11:57,260 --> 01:11:58,939
even a cat in the backyard. She could

1962
01:11:58,939 --> 01:12:01,039
let them And she she doesn't budge.

1963
01:12:01,420 --> 01:12:03,704
Now, you you put her on a leash

1964
01:12:03,784 --> 01:12:05,704
and take her for a walk, and she

1965
01:12:05,704 --> 01:12:07,085
sees a freaking

1966
01:12:08,744 --> 01:12:09,244
lizard?

1967
01:12:09,625 --> 01:12:12,425
Oh my god. Actually And she'll you'll be

1968
01:12:12,425 --> 01:12:14,364
like a kite. If she

1969
01:12:14,905 --> 01:12:17,225
is aware enough, like, she's ready to come

1970
01:12:17,225 --> 01:12:18,845
back inside from outside,

1971
01:12:21,710 --> 01:12:22,210
then,

1972
01:12:23,149 --> 01:12:25,470
what am I trying to say? She will

1973
01:12:25,869 --> 01:12:27,390
and she sees a lizard, but before I

1974
01:12:27,390 --> 01:12:29,710
can, like, open the back door and let

1975
01:12:29,710 --> 01:12:32,350
her in, I she let the lizards to

1976
01:12:32,350 --> 01:12:33,765
get away from her will go up, like,

1977
01:12:33,765 --> 01:12:36,185
our gutter drain thing outside the back door.

1978
01:12:36,324 --> 01:12:39,284
And I will hear her her little tippy

1979
01:12:39,284 --> 01:12:42,664
toes tippy tapping at that metal drain thing.

1980
01:12:44,645 --> 01:12:46,664
Because she is chasing that lizard.

1981
01:12:47,125 --> 01:12:49,305
But the other day, she is inside.

1982
01:12:50,000 --> 01:12:52,880
I come back inside because I have to

1983
01:12:52,880 --> 01:12:55,039
take to get good lighting. I have to

1984
01:12:55,039 --> 01:12:56,979
take pictures outside. Yeah.

1985
01:12:57,680 --> 01:12:59,060
It's just what it is. So,

1986
01:12:59,600 --> 01:13:00,900
for products. So,

1987
01:13:01,774 --> 01:13:03,375
I take some pic I go outside, take

1988
01:13:03,375 --> 01:13:04,654
some pictures. As I'm on my way back

1989
01:13:04,654 --> 01:13:07,074
in, a lizard, a dumbass lizard,

1990
01:13:07,854 --> 01:13:09,854
runs straight into our office, and I'm like,

1991
01:13:09,854 --> 01:13:11,454
you are taking your own life in your

1992
01:13:11,454 --> 01:13:11,954
hands,

1993
01:13:12,255 --> 01:13:12,755
lizard,

1994
01:13:14,029 --> 01:13:16,750
right past Lola. Lola's laying on the car.

1995
01:13:16,750 --> 01:13:19,469
But I was like, oh, okay. Mhmm. It's

1996
01:13:19,469 --> 01:13:21,550
something about the leash. It is something about

1997
01:13:21,550 --> 01:13:23,469
the leash. I I have to, you know

1998
01:13:25,390 --> 01:13:27,789
yeah. It it's it's hilarious what she does.

1999
01:13:27,789 --> 01:13:28,064
It's

2000
01:13:28,864 --> 01:13:30,625
it's funny. She's a character and we adore

2001
01:13:30,625 --> 01:13:31,364
her. Mhmm.

2002
01:13:31,824 --> 01:13:32,324
Yep.

2003
01:13:32,944 --> 01:13:33,844
She's our girl.

2004
01:13:34,145 --> 01:13:35,524
What else we got for the

2005
01:13:36,064 --> 01:13:36,564
oh,

2006
01:13:37,104 --> 01:13:39,585
so school started this week for everybody but

2007
01:13:39,585 --> 01:13:40,085
us.

2008
01:13:41,109 --> 01:13:42,949
And I knew what date the first day

2009
01:13:42,949 --> 01:13:45,029
of school was here in our our local

2010
01:13:45,029 --> 01:13:47,029
area. I was well aware, but I wasn't

2011
01:13:47,029 --> 01:13:49,109
thinking about the date. And JB goes, I

2012
01:13:49,109 --> 01:13:51,510
saw all these kids just walking down the

2013
01:13:51,510 --> 01:13:52,649
road this morning.

2014
01:13:53,430 --> 01:13:54,869
It's like it took me a minute to

2015
01:13:54,869 --> 01:13:57,735
remember. Oh, yeah. School. Yep. Not in our

2016
01:13:57,735 --> 01:13:59,895
house. Not in our house. I am still

2017
01:13:59,895 --> 01:14:01,574
reveling in the break we're in. Thank you

2018
01:14:01,574 --> 01:14:02,235
very much.

2019
01:14:03,574 --> 01:14:04,795
I'm kind of hoping

2020
01:14:05,494 --> 01:14:05,994
that,

2021
01:14:07,735 --> 01:14:10,215
for 9th grade, the 14 year old's like,

2022
01:14:10,215 --> 01:14:12,470
you know what? Maybe I'll speed run. I

2023
01:14:13,489 --> 01:14:15,430
get done early. I don't know. We'll see.

2024
01:14:17,729 --> 01:14:18,229
But

2025
01:14:18,850 --> 01:14:19,350
yeah.

2026
01:14:19,890 --> 01:14:21,350
I mean, other than that, it's just

2027
01:14:21,650 --> 01:14:24,289
it's our same old same old. Yeah? Yeah.

2028
01:14:24,289 --> 01:14:27,154
Same old same old. You know, we're we're

2029
01:14:27,154 --> 01:14:29,234
we're dealing with the summer doldrums here. We're

2030
01:14:29,234 --> 01:14:31,954
in the, dog days of August. We ended

2031
01:14:31,954 --> 01:14:33,954
up not going on our daily walks for,

2032
01:14:33,954 --> 01:14:35,875
like, a week and a half. It was

2033
01:14:35,875 --> 01:14:38,595
the week that the storm hit, and that

2034
01:14:38,595 --> 01:14:40,109
was what? Last

2035
01:14:40,409 --> 01:14:41,689
week? I don't know. It was like a

2036
01:14:41,689 --> 01:14:42,890
week and a half, 2 weeks worth of

2037
01:14:42,890 --> 01:14:45,210
not going on a walk. And I could

2038
01:14:45,210 --> 01:14:46,810
tell that I had not been going on

2039
01:14:46,810 --> 01:14:48,750
a stupid walk for my stupid mental health.

2040
01:14:49,130 --> 01:14:49,869
And then

2041
01:14:50,329 --> 01:14:52,425
we were supposed to go last Friday, and

2042
01:14:52,425 --> 01:14:53,784
I was the one that went, I I

2043
01:14:53,784 --> 01:14:56,264
can't. My Yeah. I had barely slept. Then

2044
01:14:56,264 --> 01:14:58,264
Monday, the alarms go off, and Jamie goes,

2045
01:14:58,264 --> 01:15:01,064
we're not going. Yeah. So then for today,

2046
01:15:01,064 --> 01:15:02,984
because we walk Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I was

2047
01:15:02,984 --> 01:15:06,000
like so Tuesday, I was like, we're we're

2048
01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:07,760
we're going. Right? We're setting the alarm. He's

2049
01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:09,520
like, yeah. We're setting the alarm. And then

2050
01:15:09,520 --> 01:15:10,819
I still slept

2051
01:15:11,119 --> 01:15:13,439
really bad. I had bad night sleep last

2052
01:15:13,439 --> 01:15:15,439
night too. I woke up at 4 o'clock.

2053
01:15:15,439 --> 01:15:16,880
Is that what time that was? I I

2054
01:15:16,880 --> 01:15:18,479
was awake for it. I just refused to

2055
01:15:18,479 --> 01:15:19,760
look at a clock. I was awake at

2056
01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:20,534
4 o'clock and

2057
01:15:21,335 --> 01:15:23,335
Yeah. Till the alarm went off. I did

2058
01:15:23,335 --> 01:15:25,735
a tossy turny kinda thing all night that

2059
01:15:25,735 --> 01:15:26,635
was just miserable.

2060
01:15:27,015 --> 01:15:28,534
But when the alarm went off for the

2061
01:15:28,534 --> 01:15:29,034
walk,

2062
01:15:29,414 --> 01:15:31,335
we got our happy asses up. Mhmm. And

2063
01:15:31,335 --> 01:15:32,954
did it. You know what? I

2064
01:15:33,494 --> 01:15:36,510
I spiraled as I pointed out during this

2065
01:15:36,829 --> 01:15:38,929
the sponsored portion of today.

2066
01:15:40,510 --> 01:15:41,010
But

2067
01:15:42,029 --> 01:15:42,929
before then,

2068
01:15:43,550 --> 01:15:45,409
like, we get done with our walk.

2069
01:15:45,710 --> 01:15:47,309
And it's a shortened one because the it

2070
01:15:47,309 --> 01:15:49,469
has gotten a lot hotter. August and September

2071
01:15:49,469 --> 01:15:50,744
are the 2 most miserable months.

2072
01:15:51,784 --> 01:15:54,744
So we're whatever. But I was super fucking

2073
01:15:54,744 --> 01:15:55,885
productive. Like,

2074
01:15:57,385 --> 01:16:00,125
got out of the shower, still dripping wet,

2075
01:16:00,185 --> 01:16:03,085
cleaned the bathroom, kind of productive. Yeah.

2076
01:16:03,784 --> 01:16:05,385
And I have to admit, I was I

2077
01:16:05,385 --> 01:16:05,885
was

2078
01:16:07,199 --> 01:16:09,280
pretty productive myself. We need the we need

2079
01:16:09,280 --> 01:16:10,500
the fucking one. Yeah.

2080
01:16:11,360 --> 01:16:13,380
It it will be it will be shortened

2081
01:16:13,600 --> 01:16:13,920
until,

2082
01:16:14,640 --> 01:16:16,900
the weather takes place. Until we get through,

2083
01:16:18,079 --> 01:16:19,380
you know, like the,

2084
01:16:21,145 --> 01:16:22,984
around here, like like the song says wake

2085
01:16:22,984 --> 01:16:24,364
me up when September ends?

2086
01:16:24,744 --> 01:16:25,244
Yeah.

2087
01:16:25,864 --> 01:16:27,944
I mean, it'll will it still be warm

2088
01:16:27,944 --> 01:16:30,505
in October? Yes. But the humidity starts to

2089
01:16:30,505 --> 01:16:33,145
drop off. Fingers crossed. Yeah. Climate change being

2090
01:16:33,145 --> 01:16:34,364
what it is. Yeah.

2091
01:16:35,545 --> 01:16:37,220
So, so, yeah, the stupid walk, first two

2092
01:16:37,220 --> 01:16:39,699
mental health was a good reminder today that

2093
01:16:39,699 --> 01:16:42,760
we really do need it. Yeah. So Yep.

2094
01:16:44,260 --> 01:16:46,340
I think that's it. Yeah. I think that's

2095
01:16:46,340 --> 01:16:49,320
it. Yeah. Just been you know, we've been

2096
01:16:49,860 --> 01:16:51,479
been doing our yard work

2097
01:16:52,474 --> 01:16:54,234
when we can. But even that, we've kinda

2098
01:16:54,234 --> 01:16:54,734
been

2099
01:16:55,354 --> 01:16:57,675
Yeah. And that's an 8 AM endeavor. Yeah.

2100
01:16:57,675 --> 01:16:59,255
It's just like

2101
01:16:59,675 --> 01:17:01,755
it's there's no way anymore. You you're not

2102
01:17:01,755 --> 01:17:03,354
doing it at 10 AM. You will heal

2103
01:17:03,354 --> 01:17:04,795
over as soon as I'm out. No. No.

2104
01:17:04,795 --> 01:17:05,189
No.

2105
01:17:05,829 --> 01:17:07,670
So I guess before we go, just a

2106
01:17:07,670 --> 01:17:09,529
reminder, we sponsored us

2107
01:17:09,909 --> 01:17:11,829
this week with my I'm gonna say it

2108
01:17:11,829 --> 01:17:13,430
again so I could get used to being

2109
01:17:13,430 --> 01:17:14,969
perceived. My bookish,

2110
01:17:15,510 --> 01:17:17,050
Etsy shop has Halloween

2111
01:17:17,670 --> 01:17:20,090
stuff. Streams. And I am adding more Halloween

2112
01:17:20,314 --> 01:17:21,215
stuff this week.

2113
01:17:21,914 --> 01:17:23,835
I am thinking about tote bags for real

2114
01:17:23,835 --> 01:17:25,755
for real. Anyway, I have a couple of

2115
01:17:25,755 --> 01:17:27,435
tote bags, but those are different than the

2116
01:17:27,435 --> 01:17:28,895
tote bags I'm thinking of. So

2117
01:17:30,154 --> 01:17:33,219
and then, yes, Friday night, August 16th 16th

2118
01:17:33,219 --> 01:17:34,920
at 9:30 PM EST,

2119
01:17:35,460 --> 01:17:36,979
we will be here live. Will there be

2120
01:17:36,979 --> 01:17:39,619
adult beverages? I don't know. Will anybody be

2121
01:17:39,619 --> 01:17:42,020
wearing a bra? No. No. That will be

2122
01:17:42,020 --> 01:17:44,279
a pajama party kinda night.

2123
01:17:44,979 --> 01:17:46,039
So Yeah.

2124
01:17:46,462 --> 01:17:48,824
Just saying. Mhmm. So I guess, I guess

2125
01:17:48,824 --> 01:17:49,465
we can say,

2126
01:17:50,024 --> 01:17:50,524
goodbye.

2127
01:17:51,465 --> 01:17:51,965
Goodbye,

2128
01:17:58,104 --> 01:17:59,885
daddy. I love you.

2129
01:18:01,710 --> 01:18:02,449
Okay, Gracie.

2130
01:18:04,909 --> 01:18:07,170
Thankfully, I'm old enough to get that reference.

2131
01:18:07,310 --> 01:18:08,369
Okay. Good.

2132
01:18:09,550 --> 01:18:10,369
Oh my god.

2133
01:18:11,229 --> 01:18:13,229
That's what happens when you're when you have

2134
01:18:13,229 --> 01:18:15,070
a parent that's almost 40 years older than

2135
01:18:15,070 --> 01:18:16,530
you. I know a lot of references

2136
01:18:17,604 --> 01:18:18,344
that I probably shouldn't.

2137
01:18:20,804 --> 01:18:23,524
Okay. We, we're gonna go thank you Yeah.

2138
01:18:23,604 --> 01:18:25,444
For being here, especially if you stayed to

2139
01:18:25,444 --> 01:18:27,224
this bitter, bitter inn. Yeah.

2140
01:18:28,724 --> 01:18:29,224
And,

2141
01:18:30,149 --> 01:18:31,909
yeah, that's all I got. Mhmm. Hopefully, we'll

2142
01:18:31,909 --> 01:18:33,989
see you Friday night. Yeah. Anyway, hope to

2143
01:18:33,989 --> 01:18:36,069
see you then. Love you. Bye. Love you.

2144
01:18:36,069 --> 01:18:38,390
Yeah. Love you. We do love you, Al.

2145
01:18:38,390 --> 01:18:39,050
We do.

2146
01:18:39,510 --> 01:18:41,109
Because we wouldn't be here without any of

2147
01:18:41,109 --> 01:18:43,109
you. I know. But I'm still awkward as

2148
01:18:43,109 --> 01:18:44,914
fuck. This will be the thing that keeps

2149
01:18:44,914 --> 01:18:46,694
me up tonight. Okay. Goodbye.