You're listening to loving Bd podcast. Kill Alerts
with the 1 the only the pun master
himself. John Brown? Know about pun master, but
you definitely have a pun bone about me.
Lola reese. Yeah.
She's starting early to be agreeing with us
right here right now. Yeah. There was a
time when
you were trying to get me to run
screaming into the dark night because of your
puns and dad jokes.
And they have sort of, like... I think
I look Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying.
Okay. 9. I don't I don't know. I
just know that Lola has strong opinions apparently
so. Mh
Exactly.
Carry on. Okay. This week, we are answering
a question from a Kings who wants to
know how to move from dating apps or
Vet life to meeting in real life.
Welcome to Loving Bd podcast. If you're new
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Okay. Look, let's get straight in the question.
It is. Short and sweet with a bonus
question
additive. U. How do I know when to
move from a dating app or fe life
to meeting in real life?
How do you find niche kinks? I'm looking
for sub daddy, but there isn't even a
fe life group for that.
So let's start with the second question first.
Okay.
My thought is when you cannot find a
group
in a space like fat life, it's sort
of like a bunch. You you make your
own. Right.
If there are others they're eventually, they will
find you. Be quick and easy, but they'll...
They'll they'll find it. Mh. Yep. And, you
know, if you create the group. You know,
you could go and
if you know people that you think might
be interested, you know, you can recruit for
your group. Exactly.
The other thing I I would say is
think about the other ways people might be
labeling
themselves that mean what you mean. Right? If
you are. Thing looking for a sub daddy,
which is not a a grouping of terms.
I've ever heard. Nope. Somebody else might use
different terms to mean the same thing. And
so you're just using different labels, but you're
speaking the same language. So that's another thing
to consider terms when you're looking for an
niche king. So I wanted to throw that
in there because I know that's a question
some people do tend to have. But the
big question.
As how do you know when you'd go
trying to go online to in person. Well,
It's kind of a personal thing. Mh. You
know, there... There's no
there's no set time frame for any of
that.
You know,
everybody,
proceeds in their own way. Some people move
faster. Some people move slower. Some people, you
know, there's is somewhere in between, and and
it's... You know, I I think it's just
a a come down to, you know, when
you're communicating with somebody that you feel comfortable?
Right. Do you
Yeah. You know, I think it's
typical to feel a little a little nervous
maybe even it rises to the level of
anxious.
But if you are shaking in your boots
terrified, maybe you're not ready yet. Right
But it's okay to be a little bit
nervous, sure, you meet somebody.
I do think there's something to be said
for kind of whatever your basic checklist of,
I think this person is real and it's
worth taking the extra step to meet in
person.
To think about what that checklist looks like.
For us. We were online only talking on
the actual telephone when I used to use
my phone as an actual phone.
I don't do that anymore.
You know, we did that for months before
we met and purse now that was because
we were long distance,
but by the time we had...
By the time we had gotten to that
point,
you know, we...
Knew each other well enough. We absolutely knew
each other's real legal names. Yep. We knew
where the other worked. We had a good
idea of each other's
daily, weekly schedules. We had an idea of
what each other's lives
sort of looked like. Mh.
And we were friends and wanted to hang
out with 1 another, even if it didn't
turn sexy or kinky. Right. But we also
understood each other. Kings knew what we were
looking for had talked about what power exchange
would look like for us in person would
a kin scene would look like for us
in person. And we... Now to it when
you're long distance, you kind of have
the luxury of time because it it's not
usually a fast thing. Critics to move from
online or no. I I think it was
what, like, 3 and 3 and a half
months Something like that. Yeah. Close to yeah.
Close to 4 months, something like. Yeah.
To But, you know, that for us was
our comfort level,
and that was a long process.
I will say I do think that some
not all
people
are more inclined to move too quickly than
too slowly. Yeah. I'm gonna be Lee of
a potential partner who is rushing me, pressuring
me, making me feel guilty because I don't
feel like, I'm ready yet. Mh.
I'm also gonna be looking for signs like,
have we already gone... Had a a time
frame where I'm didn't know where the hell
that person was, and they weren't talking to
me, and it we'd had radio silence. Well,
if you're doing that's to me before we've...
Meant. Even met in person,
I'm not Yeah. Hopeful for,
you know, in person. Now, and 1 thing
I I will say,
about
the the in person,
for the initial first meeting,
I I would do it in a very,
oh, gosh. I need a word and I
can't.
Well, you wanna meet in the public place,
you, you know,
but that wasn't the word about. I know.
I didn't think so.
Pressure free. Pressure free.
Thank you. Here's another word for that, but
my brain can't. Yeah.
You know, so relaxed. So it's it's pressure
free. You you have the ability to be...
To relax because let's face it. You know,
whether it's,
you know, non kin meeting or or a
or kinky meeting with a person for the
first time you know, you still wanna get
to know that person. Right. Alright? And,
you know, if if you do do so
in in a public... Place whether you, you
know, go out for a bite to eat
somewhere wear a cafe, you go to a
coffee shop. Have a cup of coffee. It
allows both you to talk place because you
you wanna see if what you had online
translates its real life. Right. And you also
want both of you need the... Freedom to
go. Okay. This is not what I thought
it was gonna be... I would like to
leave now. Right. You have a nice life.
Mh. So, yeah, I think that first meeting...
Yes. Freedom I'm sure there's a better word
than pressure free. Somebody is yelling it and
device right now. I.
But, yeah. I I agree. I think that
you want...
To keep your... I think it's okay to
have high expectations for the person.
Because you're hoping that they continue to be
who they have said they were this whole
time. But I would keep your expectations low
for what actually happens. This is
a little bit like
a next level of that first conversation. Because
now we're gonna have that first conversation face
to face. We're gonna be in each other's
presence, and there's gonna be body language, and
there's gonna be facial expressions, and there's gonna
be... You're... There's there's gonna be a lot
of cues that you are not able to
to get and see and experience. There's you
know, whether you're chatting through some, like, fat
life or text or, you know, email? Exactly.
Yeah. So I think... Excuse me. It is
okay for both
partners to be very nervous, which can sometimes
screw up a first and crash and I
am that person who can
completely make you think I'm a... I am
not
the person you thought I was because I'm
now out of my comfort zone. But that
is the thing I would tell somebody before
I met them. In person for the first
time Would be like hey, you know how
I'm chat with you online, because this is
easy. I am terrified about this meeting. I
will probably be very nervous. I'm gonna over
communicate that. Yeah. Because I know that about
myself. Mh.
That's But I think that in the deciding
when it's time
and when you're ready to meet in person,
I think there are things that you can
look...
To your
potential partner, the person you're trying to meet.
For green flags and red flags, you know,
red flags is pressure
high expectations,
notched respecting your comfort zone. You know, if
you're like, hey, I just wanna, like, get
together for a cup of coffee first, and
then we'll take it from there. You know,
there are plenty of people who will meet
a person in
for the first time physically meet them at
the munch. True. Knowing that maybe there's a
party or a dungeon thing afterwards, and the
whole idea is I can meet you in
this kin affiliated public things.
And if it works out, hey, we'll we'll
go do the other thing. Right?
So,
you know, look to make sure, you know,
that you're you're paying attention to how the
other person is treating that. Right? Like, if
they're... Telling you hey, I'm nervous too, You
know, hey, I'd like to do this, but,
yes, let's go as slow as we need
to go. Like, if they just continue to
be the person they've been
online, then I think that's, those are green
flags. Yeah.
But, you know, be wary of that. And
also make sure that you're not the 1
rushing the other person. You might be Mh.
Ready to go. You have no doubts you're
like This is it. This is what I
want. And the other person... But you have
to be mindful of the other person. Exactly.
Where they're at. Because they may not
be at that point mh. As quickly as
you are. Now, here's a caveat, and I
don't think it happens. All the time, but
I think it happens often enough that there's
somebody out there going well. This is my
experience. And that is the person who strings
you a longs and is never ready. Yeah.
To me in person.
What your personal time threshold for that is
it is person mh. Some people are gonna
be like, hey, we live in the same
town, and we've tried
4 times over the past month. To make
this work and you bail every time. Or
you push it back every time.
What's going on here? For others, it's 3
months, it's 6 months. It's fine Yeah.
Sometimes people
say they wanna meet in person and what
they really want is online. Sometimes people are
not who they say they are or And
they know they're gonna get found out. And
then sometimes people are just really
anxious. And
An is shy, introverted. You know there could
be. All these things. And only you can
decide
if you are willing to wait out
this person's
shy or nervous,
for however long that might mean.
So,
yeah. There's no I... You know, there's no
real
clear cut answer? No. Like you said, the
beginning is completely personal. Yeah. It really is
based on signs and and signals from of
you. Mh. And, you know, mutually being ready
for And I think... I know for me,
it wasn't like any... As a particular
thing.
It was just something that after
an amount of time it was like, I
I just knew. Mh.
Mh. Okay.
You know, I I know that's not a...
An explanation or, you know, AA2 answer, But
I I think when when it it comes
down to it. You just kinda know. Yeah.
By the time we were meeting each other
in person face to face,
neither of us slept the night before because
we were so excited. Yeah. If you can
get to that point mutually, then, you know,
regardless of how it turns out, that's that's
a perfect sign. Mh. But sometimes you have
to give yourself and maybe
know, your partner a little nudge, and that's
okay. As long as there's not pressure and
guilt and all the, you know,
unnecessary stuff. You that goes along with that.
But... Yeah, that is the imperfect un,
probably very dissatisfied
answer
Sorry Sorry.
But I know that it's a question people
have. Yeah. Especially if you've had
past...
Experiences that were negative where. You know, you
thought you were going to meet with them
and then they canceled on you 10 times.
Or you did have that person meeting made
you had your first scene, and then you
got ghost.
And, you know,
there's there's no way to ga t that
none of that will around you. There's there
just isn't. There just comes a point for
you personally when you go, I'm ready or
need a little bit more time, or
I have
I have some things I need to get
answered and... Like I know about this person
first. Mh. And that's fine. Okay. That really
is fine. But when you do, we highly
recommend public play separate. Separately get there so
you could separate, like leave. Mh. Make sure
you're both...
Who you said you were. Right. And then
you can go from there, what you do.
And and both of you, you know, I
I think it's a good idea for both
parties make sure you have a safe call.
Yes. Now explain what safe Call. Safe call
is when you are meeting somebody for the
first time especially in in king lifestyle, Although,
the... It could go for any absolutely. It's
it's actually a a good rule of thumb
for anybody meeting in for the first time.
But you have a designated person that say,
hey, I'm going to meet this person that
I met online for the first time
and
don't know what to expect. So at at
at a specific time, I'm gonna call you
to let you know everything is okay. If
you don't hear from me... Call me. Yeah.
Because sometimes that goes so well that you
forget your supposed to call person. Now in
the... 20 first century and, you know, 20
24 and beyond. There are things like life
03:60 that friends add themselves to. I am
too far and old, I cannot imagine any
being anybody being able to track my movements.
But if you got something like that, and
you've got a friend that you trust You're,
like, here's where I'm gonna go... Here's what
I'm supposed to be. Here's how long I
was supposed to be here if you see
movement if you... You know, call me reach
out, blah blah. Right. But, yeah. Safe calls
are
sort of an old ish school way for
Kingston to make sure they stayed safe when
they went to. To meet somebody new. Whether
it was just a a regular old date
or whether it was for play. So if
there's AII
think, you know, yes. It it is a...
A old.
Because it's before things like life through 60.
Right. Or you could track. Exactly.
But III...
You know, it it it may be 1
of those those things that have been around
since forever. But I think it's 1 of
those things that are tried and true. Yeah.
And and kind of, you know, I think
we'll always be what Yes. At some version
of it needs to exist. If you were
going off to meet a stranger. Mh. Essentially
a stranger, Please let somebody
in your life now. And if you are
that person like, I have any kinky friends.
You do not have to tell them you're
going to meet a king purse just say,
hey. I got a date.
We've been talking online.
Now we're doing the in person thing? I
need... Could you be my safe call? I'll
say you know, you should hear from me
by this time. Here's the name of the
person I'm going to be with yes, their
legal name. Here's the place where... Supposed to
be. I will call you tech... Not even
a text. This is a phone call. Okay?
I will call you at this time. If
you do not hear for me, please call
me. If I don't answer
a call somebody who, like, you know, has
authority because something has gone time wrong.
And sometimes it's a false alarm, and nothing
has gone wrong, but in into in the
world. Let us please, maybe
you know, air on the side of caution.
I would rather
have to be a little bit embarrassed because
there was a well checked up to my
house.
Right. To tell an off. No at no.
I'm really live. I just... I... My phone
died to forgot to to tell my friend
whatever was.
But, yeah, that's a that's a thing that
I've
certain but I
have not only known since I
figured out it was kinky back in 20
12, which feels like like forever ago, but
it's really not. But I've, you know, read
books that were written in the late nineties
early ops, and that was, like That was
the advice then too. Yeah So I no
doubt it's it's a very long standing kind
of Mh. Kind of thing. Yeah. But, yeah.
There is life's 03:60 And if that's more
your style, whenever. Out something.
Something something something in really are. Right.
But, yeah.
60 that was a little bit of a
side tangent when went on there was. It
was. It was. But hopefully that helps somebody?
Yeah. I mean, it's, you know.
I I think it's something that
bears mentioning, you know, to be safe at
all time. To forget. For yeah. K. Mh.
Thanks for listening to this week's Q and
A episode. If you want us to answer
1 of your questions, just use the contact
page on our website loving bd d dot
net, or you can find the link in
the show notes. Big thanks as always to
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Super Cool be nice Kings, You can do
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