You're listening to loving Bd podcast. Kill Here
with the 1, the only the guy who
got the dog wild up right before we
started recording, John Browns.
She calm down. It's not my fault. She's
chasing her tail now. Well, Dry dragging her
butt on the carpet.
Lola is
AAA
thick girl and older. She is not on
her feet. Chasing her tail. No No. No.
She is on her butt.
Scoot her carpet. Now if you fail. If
y'all all know what I'm talking about here.
You do you... You don't remember the old
sit spins? Oh, my gosh.
Yeah. From 40 years ago. Right. That that's
what... She's like she's just spinning in a
in a circle. Yes. Chasing that tail. And
my point is as you did that.
Look,
that's not what we're here to talk about.
Actually, we're back both from our break, which
if you listen to Friday's podcast episode you
already know. But also we're back back answering
questions that we've received.
And this week, we're gonna answer a question
from
a Kings who started out as their partner's
dominant partner, and then they made the switch
to being their es partner and now they
want to kind of figure out a way
to get both
M.
Welcome to Loving Bd podcast. If you're new
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loving bd s m dot net, that's loving
bd m dot net, and we put the
link in the show notes for this episode.
Okay. Let's get into the question. K. My
husband and I met through fat life in
20 21 when I was a dom and
participated in scenes with myself as the dominant,
and my now husband as my submissive.
In 20 23, we shifted our dynamic and
he has discovered a love for being a
Daddy dom with me taking the role as
a submissive.
I love the sexual aspect of our relationship.
We attend a local club and seen together
and do scenes at home. However, I miss
the lifestyle aspect of our relationship, The service
and the
specifically.
This is where it gets tricky. I want
the lifestyle as a dominant and the scenes
as a submissive.
How do I work out a way to
bring this up to my part I feel
quite shitty about this because it feels like
I'm using him to vent through to vent,
though I know logically this isn't the case.
So I don't think it should feel shitty
for what you
want. No. Absolutely not. And depending, you know,
I the way this has written makes me
think, okay. When you're in dom mode,
you're working out some energy of a specific.
Kind. Mh. That's okay as long as your
partner
understands what's happening and,
consent to it. Right.
How do you talk to your partner?
You just say, hey, can we have a
conversation? I mean, it's... It's simple and as
gives them is... I know. It it's it's
simple
and yet it's the hardest thing taking that
first step. Mh. I understand it. Well But,
you know, like, you you you
asked us the question. You wrote, you know,
pretty much what you said right there.
You know, what you need to sit down
and talk with your partner about.
And and, you know, that's
kind of the key
short,
answer communication. Right. You know, they they are
not gonna know what you feel and what
you want, Mh. Unless you sit down and
talk to them about it. Right. And I
also think unless your partner told you at
some point between 20 23 and now that
they will never
submit again. Mh. Clearly, they enjoyed it. For
a time for a reason. Right. So having
the conversation to say, hey, I love what
we have now. Mh. Here's where I would
love to focus that energy. But here's what
I also need. You might find your partners
like, yeah. I've been missing that too or,
yeah. I feel like I need some of
that too. You might not... By the time
the discussion done and the discussion might take
several
discussions to sort of, you, figure out
you might not at the end of that
end up with what the picture in your
head is, but you might come closer. To
getting
both sides of your kin cells. Mh You
know,
giving giving both sides, like or room to
breathe and to have those experiences again. I
mean, you know, from from what they described
in in their in their question and about
their relationship, It seems like they've already kinda
got the switch thing
down a little bit. Right. You went from
1 to another Right. The space of 2
years, So really comp... Conversations had to happen.
Right. So, you know, they're they're...
Obviously, yes, something that went when went on
there, you know, with the conversations to to
get those
2 different dynamics
going. So, you know,
it's gonna be the same thing here. You...
It... It's just need to be talked about
it.
You know, express your feelings and and tell
them what you want. And then listen to
the response. Again, the thing about negotiate,
we always say it's just another word for
communication, and it is. But there is a
a back and forth. There's a, this is
my ideal version of the thing I would
like. And then your partner gets the opportunity
to go. I can do this. I don't
wanna do that. Let me think about it.
Here's what I would like.
I do find that sometimes partners
are surprised
when they air quote confess a desire to
their partner because in a a solid healthy
relationship, especially in a a situation where you
went from 1 dynamic to the next again
unless your partner. Said in new uncertain terms.
I never want that again. You will likely
be surprised at their response. Again, it might
not be an immediate Oh hell yell let's
do this figured it out, but it... At
the minimum, what you need is let me
think about that. That's intriguing.
Or, yeah, there's some things I've been missing
from... That dynamic. Mh.
Before you have whatever
conversation is gonna be the nut some bolts
of what you're trying to achieve. So I
think the first conversation is, hey, here's how
I've been feeling. Here's are some things I
miss. Here's some things I'd like to experience,
you know, Mh, especially since you can reference
back to your previous dynamic. I think that's
1 conversation. And then depending on the response
of your partner
the next conversation might happen right then. It
might happen on another day, but I think
save the, hey, let's get into the nitty
gritty of here exactly what I'm trying to
accomplish. Mh. For the next conversation, The second,
maybe even the third, depending on, you know,
there's
feelings and everything,
but take the time to think about
what you
most want, what you're nice to haves are
and what your...
If I get it, okay. Fine, but I
can live without this, and that gives you
a place of give and take
you won't, you know, I don't know anything
about switching. We... I'm not an expert. Have
you ever switched? No. Yeah. We are not
the ones to ask about how to make
them to work.
But I think that
there is some...
There needs to be some room for
here's what I think I would like to
have happened, and then your partner to go.
Here's what I... You know, here's what I
would like to have happened. Here's what I'm
willing to do. And then you kind of
parse through and you try things a little
bit at a time assuming they're they're willing.
And you're not gonna get it right immediately.
It's not gonna be how you imagine immediately
And also, you may be crafting a power
exchange unlike any other you've ever
heard about before. Like, your friends might not
have this experience. Your you know, the people
you learn from might not have anything like
what you have, and that is okay. That's
the other thing I would say for both
partners is to realize, that you get to
make this, whatever you want it to be...
Absolutely. Even if that means you throw at
all labels and, you know, in certain situations,
your husband is that Daddy Dom and in
other situations, he is yours submissive, and y'all
manage to flow back and forth. From what
I have heard from other switches, no experience
on my part. Some people, it is a
flow. It's a it's an energy. It's a
mood. It's how am My feeling in this
moment for other people. It's situational. When I
get into this heads space, when we're... When
this thing is happening,
this is the roll I'm in. And then,
of course, there's gonna be some combination of
that across the spectrum of humanity.
As long as both parties are having a
good time in consenting and willing to do
it. There's no right or wrong, but you
do have to start with the first conversation,
I think that first conversation, you talk about
the good times from before,
and you give your partner the opportunity to
let you know. And If they've been missing
it too, I really think a lot especially
in the the solid relationships. People tend to
be very surprised I think they're the only
1
who wants a thing misses the thing needs
a thing. And when you have a partner
you're in tune with, eyes They either know
and they were like, oh, yeah. I could
tell. Yeah. Was thinking about that or they're
like, oh, yeah. Me too. Mh.
I mean, you know, from from all this
too, it it sounds like your your relationship
is your... Or at least your Ds.
Dynamic is is changing, which is not a
bad thing. You know, it... It's not staying
stagnant, which is
very good. Right. You know, and and it
sounds like it... This is just another,
step in the evolution of your dynamic And
how... Going. Absolutely. And I would take comfort
in the fact that you've already made a
shift once before? Right. I, you know, I
can't imagine what, you know,
was that an abrupt shift? Was that a
subtle shift was at a 1 day, 1
of you woke up and went, hey, I
kinda would like something different. It doesn't matter
how that went. The fact that you went
through it and you're still together, and you're
still wanting to explore things with each other.
That's a good sign. You did it the
1 time. You've already been through that. You've
already, like, through done a complete 1 80
on your power exchange life,
you can do a subtle shifting. You you.
Are more capable than you realize and I'm,
you know,
I'm I'm hopeful for you and and optimistic
that you may be pleasantly surprised at the
response you get when you just talk to
your partner. There yeah.
Thanks for listening to this week's q and
a episode. If you want us to answer
1 of your questions, Just use the contact
page on our website at loving dot net.
Or you can find the link in the
show notes. Big thanks as always to our
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how,
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You can do that. Just join us at
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