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You're listening to loving Bd podcast. Kill Here

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with the 1, the only the guy who

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got the dog wild up right before we

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started recording, John Browns.

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She calm down. It's not my fault. She's

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chasing her tail now. Well, Dry dragging her

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butt on the carpet.

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Lola is

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AAA

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thick girl and older. She is not on

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her feet. Chasing her tail. No No. No.

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She is on her butt.

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Scoot her carpet. Now if you fail. If

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y'all all know what I'm talking about here.

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You do you... You don't remember the old

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sit spins? Oh, my gosh.

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Yeah. From 40 years ago. Right. That that's

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what... She's like she's just spinning in a

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in a circle. Yes. Chasing that tail. And

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my point is as you did that.

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Look,

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that's not what we're here to talk about.

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Actually, we're back both from our break, which

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if you listen to Friday's podcast episode you

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already know. But also we're back back answering

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questions that we've received.

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And this week, we're gonna answer a question

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from

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a Kings who started out as their partner's

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dominant partner, and then they made the switch

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to being their es partner and now they

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want to kind of figure out a way

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to get both

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M.

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Welcome to Loving Bd podcast. If you're new

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here, we help kings like you have happy

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healthy power exchange relationships. The podcast to your

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favorite podcast app, so you never miss an

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episode. And if you'd like us to answer

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your question in an upcoming 1 of these.

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So we have a contact page, literally called

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to ask your questions on our website at

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loving bd s m dot net, that's loving

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bd m dot net, and we put the

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link in the show notes for this episode.

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Okay. Let's get into the question. K. My

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husband and I met through fat life in

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20 21 when I was a dom and

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participated in scenes with myself as the dominant,

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and my now husband as my submissive.

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In 20 23, we shifted our dynamic and

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he has discovered a love for being a

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Daddy dom with me taking the role as

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a submissive.

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I love the sexual aspect of our relationship.

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We attend a local club and seen together

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and do scenes at home. However, I miss

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the lifestyle aspect of our relationship, The service

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and the

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specifically.

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This is where it gets tricky. I want

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the lifestyle as a dominant and the scenes

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as a submissive.

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How do I work out a way to

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bring this up to my part I feel

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quite shitty about this because it feels like

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I'm using him to vent through to vent,

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though I know logically this isn't the case.

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So I don't think it should feel shitty

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for what you

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want. No. Absolutely not. And depending, you know,

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I the way this has written makes me

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think, okay. When you're in dom mode,

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you're working out some energy of a specific.

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Kind. Mh. That's okay as long as your

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partner

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understands what's happening and,

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consent to it. Right.

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How do you talk to your partner?

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You just say, hey, can we have a

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conversation? I mean, it's... It's simple and as

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gives them is... I know. It it's it's

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simple

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and yet it's the hardest thing taking that

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first step. Mh. I understand it. Well But,

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you know, like, you you you

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asked us the question. You wrote, you know,

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pretty much what you said right there.

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You know, what you need to sit down

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and talk with your partner about.

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And and, you know, that's

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kind of the key

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short,

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answer communication. Right. You know, they they are

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not gonna know what you feel and what

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you want, Mh. Unless you sit down and

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talk to them about it. Right. And I

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also think unless your partner told you at

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some point between 20 23 and now that

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they will never

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submit again. Mh. Clearly, they enjoyed it. For

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a time for a reason. Right. So having

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the conversation to say, hey, I love what

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we have now. Mh. Here's where I would

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love to focus that energy. But here's what

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I also need. You might find your partners

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like, yeah. I've been missing that too or,

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yeah. I feel like I need some of

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that too. You might not... By the time

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the discussion done and the discussion might take

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several

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discussions to sort of, you, figure out

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you might not at the end of that

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end up with what the picture in your

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head is, but you might come closer. To

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getting

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both sides of your kin cells. Mh You

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know,

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giving giving both sides, like or room to

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breathe and to have those experiences again. I

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mean, you know, from from what they described

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in in their in their question and about

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their relationship, It seems like they've already kinda

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got the switch thing

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down a little bit. Right. You went from

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1 to another Right. The space of 2

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years, So really comp... Conversations had to happen.

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Right. So, you know, they're they're...

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Obviously, yes, something that went when went on

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there, you know, with the conversations to to

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get those

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2 different dynamics

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going. So, you know,

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it's gonna be the same thing here. You...

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It... It's just need to be talked about

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it.

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You know, express your feelings and and tell

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them what you want. And then listen to

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the response. Again, the thing about negotiate,

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we always say it's just another word for

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communication, and it is. But there is a

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a back and forth. There's a, this is

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my ideal version of the thing I would

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like. And then your partner gets the opportunity

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to go. I can do this. I don't

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wanna do that. Let me think about it.

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Here's what I would like.

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I do find that sometimes partners

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are surprised

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when they air quote confess a desire to

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their partner because in a a solid healthy

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relationship, especially in a a situation where you

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went from 1 dynamic to the next again

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unless your partner. Said in new uncertain terms.

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I never want that again. You will likely

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be surprised at their response. Again, it might

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not be an immediate Oh hell yell let's

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do this figured it out, but it... At

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the minimum, what you need is let me

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think about that. That's intriguing.

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Or, yeah, there's some things I've been missing

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from... That dynamic. Mh.

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Before you have whatever

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conversation is gonna be the nut some bolts

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of what you're trying to achieve. So I

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think the first conversation is, hey, here's how

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I've been feeling. Here's are some things I

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miss. Here's some things I'd like to experience,

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you know, Mh, especially since you can reference

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back to your previous dynamic. I think that's

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1 conversation. And then depending on the response

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of your partner

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the next conversation might happen right then. It

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might happen on another day, but I think

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save the, hey, let's get into the nitty

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gritty of here exactly what I'm trying to

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accomplish. Mh. For the next conversation, The second,

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maybe even the third, depending on, you know,

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there's

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feelings and everything,

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but take the time to think about

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what you

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most want, what you're nice to haves are

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and what your...

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If I get it, okay. Fine, but I

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can live without this, and that gives you

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a place of give and take

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you won't, you know, I don't know anything

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about switching. We... I'm not an expert. Have

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you ever switched? No. Yeah. We are not

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the ones to ask about how to make

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them to work.

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But I think that

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there is some...

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There needs to be some room for

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here's what I think I would like to

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have happened, and then your partner to go.

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Here's what I... You know, here's what I

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would like to have happened. Here's what I'm

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willing to do. And then you kind of

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parse through and you try things a little

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bit at a time assuming they're they're willing.

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And you're not gonna get it right immediately.

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It's not gonna be how you imagine immediately

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And also, you may be crafting a power

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exchange unlike any other you've ever

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heard about before. Like, your friends might not

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have this experience. Your you know, the people

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you learn from might not have anything like

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what you have, and that is okay. That's

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the other thing I would say for both

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partners is to realize, that you get to

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make this, whatever you want it to be...

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Absolutely. Even if that means you throw at

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all labels and, you know, in certain situations,

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your husband is that Daddy Dom and in

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other situations, he is yours submissive, and y'all

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manage to flow back and forth. From what

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I have heard from other switches, no experience

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on my part. Some people, it is a

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flow. It's a it's an energy. It's a

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mood. It's how am My feeling in this

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moment for other people. It's situational. When I

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get into this heads space, when we're... When

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this thing is happening,

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this is the roll I'm in. And then,

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of course, there's gonna be some combination of

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that across the spectrum of humanity.

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As long as both parties are having a

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good time in consenting and willing to do

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it. There's no right or wrong, but you

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do have to start with the first conversation,

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I think that first conversation, you talk about

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the good times from before,

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and you give your partner the opportunity to

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let you know. And If they've been missing

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it too, I really think a lot especially

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in the the solid relationships. People tend to

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be very surprised I think they're the only

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1

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who wants a thing misses the thing needs

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a thing. And when you have a partner

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you're in tune with, eyes They either know

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and they were like, oh, yeah. I could

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tell. Yeah. Was thinking about that or they're

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like, oh, yeah. Me too. Mh.

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I mean, you know, from from all this

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too, it it sounds like your your relationship

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is your... Or at least your Ds.

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Dynamic is is changing, which is not a

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bad thing. You know, it... It's not staying

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stagnant, which is

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very good. Right. You know, and and it

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sounds like it... This is just another,

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step in the evolution of your dynamic And

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how... Going. Absolutely. And I would take comfort

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in the fact that you've already made a

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shift once before? Right. I, you know, I

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can't imagine what, you know,

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was that an abrupt shift? Was that a

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subtle shift was at a 1 day, 1

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of you woke up and went, hey, I

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kinda would like something different. It doesn't matter

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how that went. The fact that you went

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through it and you're still together, and you're

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still wanting to explore things with each other.

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That's a good sign. You did it the

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1 time. You've already been through that. You've

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already, like, through done a complete 1 80

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on your power exchange life,

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you can do a subtle shifting. You you.

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Are more capable than you realize and I'm,

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you know,

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I'm I'm hopeful for you and and optimistic

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that you may be pleasantly surprised at the

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response you get when you just talk to

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your partner. There yeah.

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Thanks for listening to this week's q and

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a episode. If you want us to answer

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1 of your questions, Just use the contact

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page on our website at loving dot net.

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Or you can find the link in the

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show notes. Big thanks as always to our

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Kinky community over on Patreon. We're able to

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do this podcast and keep it going and

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how,

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due to your support. If you'd like to

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be part of our community and get access

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to extra content and a discord server with

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a g of super cool super nice King

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You can do that. Just join us at

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patreon dot com slash k that's patreon dot

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com slash kayla lords or use the link

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in the show.