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You're listening to loving Bd and podcast episode

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04:02.

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Kayla here with the 1, the only

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the app absolute trouble maker. John Browns.

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Darn straight.

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So much of a trouble maker. Y'all almost

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forgot your mic.

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Let's see. Almost don't count setting in horse

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shoes and hand age. I knew that was

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coming. You rallied Lola up before we recorded

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the Monday up a episode.

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Yeah. I almost forgot to push a couple

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of buttons.

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I mean, we did take a break so

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I get it. Like I'm not sure I'll

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know what to say when we start the

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stream. Hey, you were at the end of

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the other 1. You were also like, oh,

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what do I what I do here?

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Yes. The power of editing. Nobody has to.

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Nobody has to know that that Simply just

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rat me out.

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It's okay for you to talk about the

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things that I. Okay. I'm a sassy baby

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girl. You were supposed to be

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my long suffering, but patience,

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kind,

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wise daddy doll.

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Yeah. Okay. Anyway, water are here for? Not

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this. I didn't hear this.

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So we're back from my.

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And we're talking about...

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I don't know how to describe it in

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a way that, like, immediately makes sense to

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everybody, but here we go. We're... Talk about

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this thing that some people including myself experience.

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In life in general, but and definitely in

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power exchange where...

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The external

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motivation of your

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dom telling you to do something or that

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you're doing something,

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for your power changer to benefit your partner

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will get you moving on certain things

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in a way that internal motivation just will

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not Sometimes internal motivation ain't there. Do I

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wanna fold the sheets tail? No I don't,

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But does... Do I fold them on my

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daddy? Some you need to fold the sheets

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and have it done by x time? Yes.

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You do. Yes. I do.

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And that is something called as ex. I

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hope I said that right. Motivation, And that's

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what we're gonna talk about this week.

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Welcome to the Loving Bd podcast cast. This

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is your first time listening glad to have

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you. If you're back for another week. Welcome

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back. Living Bd has produced every Monday and

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Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and

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china to are found at loving bd m

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dot net. Come back often and feel free

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to add the podcast to your favorite podcast

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app. You can also follow the show on

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fat life at loving Bd pc on Instagram

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and threads at that handle I will forever

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fucking hate.

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Loving Diaz ass. On the number 1, so

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that's at loving DS1

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or on Youtube at Youtube dot com slash

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loving bd where you can watch just live

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stream the podcast every Wednesday.

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Ollie links are in the show notes. Big

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thanks as always to our patrons over on

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Patreon, including our newest peeps. We are able

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to be weirdo on the Internet in large

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part because of our king community on Patreon,

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and we are grateful for every fucking. 1

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of you. If you'd like to join our

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kinky community and get access to extra content

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and discord server with a group of super

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cool super nice Gangster. You can do that.

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Just join us at patreon dot com slash

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kayla Lords that's patreon dot com slash server

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Kayla Lords or use the link in the

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show notes.

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Okay. So before we get into this week's

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topic back.

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A couple of announcements.

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1,

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the Monday episodes are coming back next month.

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July eighth yeah. That's how dates work. Sure.

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We recorded it today, Wednesday.

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I guess now, I have to do my

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part and edit, but it's, you know, it's

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coming. We're we're back on it. We got

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a whole, like, list the questions waiting for

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us. Mh. If you have a question, please,

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please, please submit it.

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The link should the it down below.

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You go to our website loving bd m

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dot net,

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and get it there.

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The next thing

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we're back to. We got out of this

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habit. We're back to it because we got

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shit going on. We're sponsoring ourselves.

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This week we are sponsored

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by ourselves in the form of the kin,

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the kin dot com. Yeah.

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Our...

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Kinky Toy shop where Jb makes

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90 percent of the product, and I somehow

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may now make a 10 percent. Say. Wife

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is weird.

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So what do you need to know about

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the King, Why should you care this week.

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The big thing I'm actually encouraging a lot

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of people to do. We're keeping

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our standard product stocked. We have thick sticks,

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which is like if a cane and a

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paddle had a baby, and it... It hurts

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like hell. We have plenty of paddle. We've

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got plenty of canes. All kinds of good

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stuff, but

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working on new products right now. So the

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big thing, the big big thing is to

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get on our email list because whenever we

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release something new, it goes to our email

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list first. Yeah. If you subscribe to the

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tinker email list. You will get a 10

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percent off coupon. To use on your first

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purchase. And that doesn't have an expiration date.

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So it Like, you can sign up today,

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and then our,

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next big releases is sometime this month. I

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don't know how picked a date yet.

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And that coupon code will still work If

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you decide you wanna shop when we release

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a new product. Mh. The email list is

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also good because Jb has gotten into this.

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Thing he periodically does where he has a

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single piece of wood, and he's like, I

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will make a single type of paddle and

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probably never make it again, and we call

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those 1 offs, and those good to our

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email list first 2. We had 2 last

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week. Yeah. They were gone in about 2

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hours. The first person swoop in within, like,

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10 minutes, and the next person was, like,

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at the end of 2 hours. It's like,

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okay. I'll take this 1. Yeah. So email

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list... Is where it's at. Y'all. I'm I'm

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currently in production of another 1. Mh. Mh.

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I shared a photo of it in our

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discord server earlier.

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Shout out to the. Mh. And that that's

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I still got some tweaks to do it.

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It's not, you know, and progress. To work

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in progress, still still some things to add

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to it. Mh. Mh. But I'm I'm really

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kinda stoked about. This particular 1. And And

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I actually even

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created a template. Mh. For it because while,

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I,

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I'm not going to intend to make it

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a regular. Right.

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I will

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do it periodically.

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I think. Well, you've already smack me with

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it. Yeah. And it is...

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In terms of sensation, not unlike a fix

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stick, which again, let me tell you is,

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like, a cane in a about a lot

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of baby. Mh same. We're very painful. You

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know. So yeah, the king dot com is

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the place. If you'd like to get on

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our email,

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newsletter, list thing, what are words. I don't

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know. First of all, we do not spam.

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Like, I think the most for the shop

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I've ever sent in a month is like

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4. That's usually at the holidays when we

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got major sales going on. Do not spam.

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You will knock get emails every fucking day.

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I don't have time for that. So you

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don't have worry about that. You get a

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coupon, and you'll get to know when new

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products. Come out before we put it on

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social media. So

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link in

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the places, if you are interested and are

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not currently signed up

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for... The King crease newsletter. Okay. Let's get

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into this episode. This episode has been on

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my mind 4 literal weeks. Yeah. And

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so much so that when we were working

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on episode 04:01 the week before we took

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break. Mh. I couldn't decide which 1 should

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we do? You were, like, just pick 1,

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and I actually prep this week's episode 2

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weeks ago. I am never that prepared. No.

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Know. Never that not. But this, particular topic

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it's very close to home.

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The first opportunity that we got to talk

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about it, I could not find the the

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episode that I'm referencing here. So I'm hoping

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somebody with a better memory than I can

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find it. We... I wanna say it was

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a q and A episode is either 1

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of the short Monday ones or it was

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like, mh. Ask us anything deal, but the

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person

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asked a question and they were like, you

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know, I'm trying to explain to my dom

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that I want To

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do things air quote for them. Yeah. Because

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they tell me to, even if they're things

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I ought to be doing myself

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because I find it difficult to have enough

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internal motivation to do the mundane chores that

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I know need to be done. But if

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My dog tells me to do it. I

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can get it done, and I was like,

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it's same.

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Okay. It's hard same.

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So

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the term is ex... I hope I'm saying

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right?

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Ex

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motivation. Which is in direct, you know, opposite

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to internal motivation. It is the fact that

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you are motivated from outside fork.

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In this case, we're gonna talk about it

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in terms of power exchange.

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No It is not just a submissive thing.

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I think dominance

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experience their own version of this. I'm very

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curious to ask Jb about this from his

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perspective. So that is what we're talking about.

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And so I'm gonna try and get into

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it. As excited as I was for this

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topic the bullet points are, like 2 of

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them. So... Oh, good.

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Now... But I'm not resources, which I have

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all so linked. So let's talk about what

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ex

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motivation is. Okay. The,

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definition from the American psychological

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Association

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Says that an external

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ex motivation is an external incentive to engage

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in a specific activity,

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especially motivation arising from the

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expectation of punishment

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or reward. That are... It just sounds kinky,

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and they didn't even mean it that way.

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But their example was completing a disliked chore

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in exchange for payment. See, the thing is

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is and this is a joke. That I

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say around this house all the time. I

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can be bribe to do a lot of

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things like things I don't... I need to

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do and I don't wanna do, and I

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will also bribe my children. You don't want

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that to do that thing, mom will buy

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you that root beer that you've asked to

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drink because we don't keep it in the

268
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:56,754
house. And I'm here for bribery.

269
00:09:57,790 --> 00:09:59,679
And and she's not incorrect about that. But

270
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:00,994
because that's how I get her to help

271
00:10:00,994 --> 00:10:01,552
me with the

272
00:10:02,428 --> 00:10:04,659
yard work. Look, with the promise of a

273
00:10:04,659 --> 00:10:06,253
coffee when it's dark. I tell you that

274
00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:07,767
I help you with the yard work because

275
00:10:07,926 --> 00:10:10,731
I cannot stand watching because a 62 year

276
00:10:10,731 --> 00:10:12,326
old man with a bad back,

277
00:10:12,805 --> 00:10:15,357
kill himself by himself in the front and

278
00:10:15,357 --> 00:10:18,090
backyard. So my own, like, guilt

279
00:10:18,468 --> 00:10:19,207
of going

280
00:10:19,759 --> 00:10:21,600
I I feel I don't think I should

281
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,879
watch him do the tense.

282
00:10:23,759 --> 00:10:26,559
Maybe the exercise do me good. Maybe so,

283
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,325
but I still feel like I should be

284
00:10:28,325 --> 00:10:30,388
out there helping you. It's my house too

285
00:10:30,388 --> 00:10:32,316
is how I look at that. But

286
00:10:32,927 --> 00:10:33,427
but

287
00:10:34,690 --> 00:10:37,009
I know that I'm I'm the 1 who

288
00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:38,389
folds sheets. Jb

289
00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:41,089
negotiated very early in our relationship. He will

290
00:10:41,089 --> 00:10:42,529
not... He will not do bathrooms who will

291
00:10:42,529 --> 00:10:44,544
not fold sheets. Fine. I can do those

292
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:44,705
things.

293
00:10:45,424 --> 00:10:46,884
But I procrastinate

294
00:10:48,144 --> 00:10:50,544
like fuck about that kind of stuff.

295
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:52,787
And and I'll... Man I'll let,

296
00:10:53,741 --> 00:10:54,615
they're Washed dried.

297
00:10:55,569 --> 00:10:57,318
Usually check to make sure they didn't get

298
00:10:57,318 --> 00:10:58,510
rolled up in themselves and or not.

299
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,146
Fest and molding in the corner or somewhere.

300
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:04,165
But I'll let them sit until it, like,

301
00:11:04,403 --> 00:11:05,277
for literal weeks.

302
00:11:07,278 --> 00:11:09,505
And sometimes the only way that I can

303
00:11:09,505 --> 00:11:11,175
get it done is for you to use

304
00:11:11,175 --> 00:11:14,515
your dumb voice on me. Speaking of. I

305
00:11:14,515 --> 00:11:16,264
know I keep looking at the sheets of

306
00:11:16,264 --> 00:11:16,741
the.

307
00:11:18,749 --> 00:11:19,627
Speaking of what.

308
00:11:20,424 --> 00:11:20,823
I know.

309
00:11:21,541 --> 00:11:21,940
I know.

310
00:11:22,737 --> 00:11:23,455
Okay. So let's...

311
00:11:24,412 --> 00:11:26,805
Go ahead. Before we leave for Gainesville tomorrow.

312
00:11:27,139 --> 00:11:29,780
I. I am. Okay. So

313
00:11:30,312 --> 00:11:31,264
found a

314
00:11:33,009 --> 00:11:35,887
article talking about Ex, which is the external

315
00:11:35,887 --> 00:11:37,264
motivation and then interest

316
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,769
internal motivation. Right? And, you know, a question

317
00:11:41,385 --> 00:11:43,058
that kinda came to my mind and it

318
00:11:43,058 --> 00:11:45,224
came a little bit from the guilt I

319
00:11:45,224 --> 00:11:47,534
have lived with my entire adult life. And

320
00:11:47,534 --> 00:11:49,945
also that person's question because they were feeling

321
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:50,980
guilty

322
00:11:51,516 --> 00:11:54,341
that they needed to ask their dominant partner

323
00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:58,221
for the direct command order task, whatever to

324
00:11:58,221 --> 00:12:00,053
do the things that they know they should

325
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,698
do. Right? Like, man, some of us, should

326
00:12:02,698 --> 00:12:04,931
all over ourselves, and that's definitely a place

327
00:12:04,931 --> 00:12:06,685
where it happens. Right? I'm like, well, I

328
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:08,440
should do this. I should do that. What's

329
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,434
holding me back? Many things will hold you

330
00:12:10,434 --> 00:12:10,514
back.

331
00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:14,508
We'll And so then, we some somehow feel

332
00:12:14,508 --> 00:12:16,678
like we're air quote wrong because we needed

333
00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:18,881
the external motivation. We needed to be bribe.

334
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,107
We needed to be told in the dumb

335
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:22,239
voice to do the thing.

336
00:12:23,197 --> 00:12:25,275
And so the question is which is which

337
00:12:25,275 --> 00:12:27,432
is better internal or external,

338
00:12:28,471 --> 00:12:29,510
and, you know,

339
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,058
according to

340
00:12:31,430 --> 00:12:33,016
very well mind dot com,

341
00:12:33,888 --> 00:12:36,529
it... There is no better for for

342
00:12:36,902 --> 00:12:38,983
internal versus at journal is what gets the

343
00:12:38,983 --> 00:12:40,972
job done Whatever you. So that you could

344
00:12:40,972 --> 00:12:42,802
get what you need done. In this case,

345
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:43,837
they said, for example,

346
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:47,514
ex motivation can be particularly helps full when

347
00:12:47,514 --> 00:12:49,754
a person needs to complete a task they

348
00:12:49,754 --> 00:12:51,274
find unpleasant. Mh.

349
00:12:51,835 --> 00:12:54,806
Additionally, external rewards can be a source of

350
00:12:54,806 --> 00:12:56,477
feedback to let people know when their performance

351
00:12:56,477 --> 00:12:58,704
has achieved a standard that is deserving of

352
00:12:58,704 --> 00:12:59,022
reinforcement.

353
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:02,641
I mean, they're just speaking up power exchange

354
00:13:02,778 --> 00:13:04,611
language, and they don't even know it.

355
00:13:08,357 --> 00:13:11,562
Now they do say that ex motivator should

356
00:13:11,562 --> 00:13:14,136
be avoided in situations where

357
00:13:14,513 --> 00:13:18,523
an individual already finds the activity intrinsically rewarding

358
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:24,294
we're offering a reward might make a play

359
00:13:24,355 --> 00:13:27,561
activity seem more like work. So I definitely

360
00:13:27,561 --> 00:13:30,606
get the the... If I'm already internally motivated

361
00:13:30,742 --> 00:13:33,548
to do it. I don't... They they

362
00:13:33,923 --> 00:13:34,979
experts recommend

363
00:13:35,752 --> 00:13:37,623
not using external motivator

364
00:13:38,002 --> 00:13:39,062
because it can

365
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,317
diminish your internal motivation, Or can clash with

366
00:13:42,317 --> 00:13:44,808
your your motivations. And so then at the

367
00:13:44,808 --> 00:13:46,404
end of it, you're just less motivated in

368
00:13:46,404 --> 00:13:49,856
general. And then I kind of understand

369
00:13:50,633 --> 00:13:51,804
the idea of

370
00:13:52,484 --> 00:13:54,022
creating an external

371
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,877
motivation for something that is supposed to be

372
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:57,676
fun and playful.

373
00:13:58,635 --> 00:14:00,963
Because then it it does become work. If

374
00:14:00,963 --> 00:14:03,515
there's a thing that we really enjoy doing

375
00:14:03,515 --> 00:14:06,068
together, and it's fun for us. Yeah. And

376
00:14:06,068 --> 00:14:08,835
you dom voice me into it, well now

377
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:10,252
it's no longer

378
00:14:10,868 --> 00:14:13,979
necessarily this fun playful thing. It's now my

379
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:16,371
submissive task, and I'm gonna look at it

380
00:14:16,371 --> 00:14:16,871
differently.

381
00:14:17,807 --> 00:14:20,058
Because... Oh of where the motivation is coming

382
00:14:20,058 --> 00:14:22,615
from, the why that I'm doing it. Right?

383
00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:26,372
So those are the resources like, linked to

384
00:14:26,372 --> 00:14:28,504
them in the places for anybody who

385
00:14:29,022 --> 00:14:30,158
might want to go

386
00:14:30,613 --> 00:14:31,328
check on all that.

387
00:14:33,715 --> 00:14:34,215
So

388
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:35,249
let's

389
00:14:35,879 --> 00:14:37,177
talk about this. Mh

390
00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:40,210
I

391
00:14:41,386 --> 00:14:43,541
absolutely get this. I've been this way my

392
00:14:43,541 --> 00:14:45,232
whole life. I have a lot of guilt

393
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:47,066
about it my whole life because there are

394
00:14:47,066 --> 00:14:49,539
a lot of messages from the world around

395
00:14:49,539 --> 00:14:51,852
us that say, you know what you need

396
00:14:51,852 --> 00:14:54,165
to do, you should just do it. Yeah.

397
00:14:54,499 --> 00:14:56,251
But there are a lot of reasons why

398
00:14:56,251 --> 00:14:58,402
you can know exactly what you wanna be

399
00:14:58,402 --> 00:14:59,619
doing and just

400
00:14:59,995 --> 00:15:01,986
don't have the get up and go and

401
00:15:01,986 --> 00:15:03,835
some of that is mental health, Like, when

402
00:15:03,835 --> 00:15:05,674
my anxiety is high as did a happening.

403
00:15:05,995 --> 00:15:07,434
Some of that is neuro divergence,

404
00:15:07,995 --> 00:15:10,794
and anything that can cause executive dysfunction.

405
00:15:12,721 --> 00:15:15,346
And sometimes it's just lack of interest, like,

406
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,652
if I'm given the true ways.

407
00:15:18,383 --> 00:15:21,076
Swing the thing I really enjoy doing.

408
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:24,587
The thing I find boring or the thing

409
00:15:24,959 --> 00:15:27,049
that I feel like it's interfering with stuff

410
00:15:27,129 --> 00:15:28,649
I wanna be doing or the thing that

411
00:15:28,649 --> 00:15:29,470
is just

412
00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:31,529
just not doing it for me.

413
00:15:32,985 --> 00:15:34,824
Know? Mh. It can be hard. And I

414
00:15:34,824 --> 00:15:36,504
think because I'm not an expert this, I

415
00:15:36,504 --> 00:15:37,944
think there are a million in 1 other

416
00:15:37,944 --> 00:15:41,644
reasons why sometimes somebody is not internally motivated,

417
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,960
You to do a thing that mh air

418
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,440
quote this, they should be doing. Well,

419
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,934
yeah. Had to air quote you're in your

420
00:15:50,054 --> 00:15:50,293
throat.

421
00:15:50,930 --> 00:15:53,399
Sorry. Podcast listeners. I hope you felt the

422
00:15:53,399 --> 00:15:55,071
rush of the wind as my air quotes.

423
00:15:55,310 --> 00:15:57,699
Yeah. Because those the big 1 man then

424
00:15:57,699 --> 00:16:00,021
fingers were like Yeah. Oh boy.

425
00:16:01,532 --> 00:16:01,850
So...

426
00:16:03,281 --> 00:16:05,349
But our stupid walk first to be mental

427
00:16:05,349 --> 00:16:07,735
health. Mh. Yeah. Here's where I'm curious. I

428
00:16:07,735 --> 00:16:10,782
know that I get up because you're expecting

429
00:16:10,782 --> 00:16:11,181
me to.

430
00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:14,218
I also know though that the reason we

431
00:16:14,218 --> 00:16:15,656
do this at all is because I came

432
00:16:15,656 --> 00:16:17,425
to you and went okay. For that 80

433
00:16:17,425 --> 00:16:18,798
fifth time in our

434
00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:21,551
relationship. I would like to try this whole

435
00:16:21,551 --> 00:16:23,217
fitness journey together,

436
00:16:23,772 --> 00:16:25,696
what we do. I know what I wanna

437
00:16:25,696 --> 00:16:26,572
do I know what I need to do.

438
00:16:26,731 --> 00:16:28,959
But I can't... I don't have the internal

439
00:16:28,959 --> 00:16:31,426
motivation to get myself going. You walked away.

440
00:16:31,665 --> 00:16:33,710
Thought about it came back with this, and

441
00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:35,903
and truly as much as I complain about

442
00:16:35,903 --> 00:16:37,259
it as much as like, tease about it

443
00:16:37,259 --> 00:16:39,333
as grumpy as I can be some mornings

444
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,471
of 05:30

445
00:16:40,529 --> 00:16:42,124
as I'm walking through a dark neighborhood.

446
00:16:42,762 --> 00:16:44,768
I will do it because I'm following you.

447
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:45,325
Right.

448
00:16:46,121 --> 00:16:47,950
I, would like to go through my thought

449
00:16:47,950 --> 00:16:50,814
process. I would love to. So when you

450
00:16:50,814 --> 00:16:51,769
approach me with this,

451
00:16:52,405 --> 00:16:52,485
And

452
00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:55,998
You know, there there have been times in

453
00:16:55,998 --> 00:16:58,065
the past. You know, we have done the

454
00:16:58,065 --> 00:16:59,735
whole fitness thing with you. And

455
00:17:01,183 --> 00:17:03,257
it's been a chore folks. It's been of

456
00:17:03,257 --> 00:17:03,576
chore.

457
00:17:05,889 --> 00:17:06,389
So,

458
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,840
you know, you you brought this up me

459
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,007
and and I told you I said, need

460
00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:12,598
some time to noodle. Mh.

461
00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:14,110
Need some time to noodle.

462
00:17:16,337 --> 00:17:16,655
Excuse me.

463
00:17:17,610 --> 00:17:17,664
I

464
00:17:18,422 --> 00:17:20,972
There's only water in here notes. Only... Be

465
00:17:20,972 --> 00:17:22,668
in a better mood if there was something

466
00:17:22,726 --> 00:17:23,363
stronger in there.

467
00:17:26,408 --> 00:17:28,824
So I started thinking about it. And

468
00:17:29,361 --> 00:17:30,739
the the funny thing was

469
00:17:31,836 --> 00:17:33,672
before she brought this up, I had already

470
00:17:33,672 --> 00:17:34,331
been thinking

471
00:17:34,884 --> 00:17:35,681
about myself.

472
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,024
I had shot up to a weight that

473
00:17:41,184 --> 00:17:42,300
I was not comfortable with.

474
00:17:44,390 --> 00:17:45,769
And yet I was not

475
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:48,309
in a place where was like, okay. I

476
00:17:48,309 --> 00:17:50,230
need to do something. You didn't have the

477
00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:52,069
internal motivation. You knew what needed to happen,

478
00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:53,429
but you didn't have a way to get

479
00:17:53,429 --> 00:17:55,839
yourself there. So I I think what kinda

480
00:17:55,839 --> 00:17:59,268
happened was there was an external external. Did

481
00:17:59,268 --> 00:18:02,459
we have an a a motivation exchange? I

482
00:18:02,459 --> 00:18:04,228
think well as a power change.

483
00:18:04,945 --> 00:18:05,184
Yes.

484
00:18:07,017 --> 00:18:08,929
So I I was I was thinking about

485
00:18:08,929 --> 00:18:10,841
it, and I was, like, I know if

486
00:18:10,921 --> 00:18:11,580
I just

487
00:18:12,355 --> 00:18:13,174
told you

488
00:18:14,204 --> 00:18:15,484
you wanna walk every day,

489
00:18:17,644 --> 00:18:18,625
there would

490
00:18:19,005 --> 00:18:19,904
probably be

491
00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:21,644
some pushback.

492
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,330
I didn't at the time when I came

493
00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:26,526
to you and I was, like, I need

494
00:18:26,526 --> 00:18:27,563
help with us. I know what I need

495
00:18:27,563 --> 00:18:29,796
to be doing, and I just cannot fucking

496
00:18:29,796 --> 00:18:32,703
get myself to do it. Yeah. I was

497
00:18:33,077 --> 00:18:35,775
I was prepared to walk by myself.

498
00:18:36,648 --> 00:18:37,863
My concern

499
00:18:38,236 --> 00:18:40,617
was that because this is what historically happened.

500
00:18:41,268 --> 00:18:43,257
Is that you would not be able to

501
00:18:43,257 --> 00:18:46,542
sustain the motivation to keep me accountable. Mh

502
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,747
because that's typically when it's been a thing

503
00:18:48,747 --> 00:18:51,228
where you're like, okay, you're gonna go do

504
00:18:51,228 --> 00:18:53,694
this thing as my submissive, but it's really

505
00:18:53,694 --> 00:18:55,205
good for me too. Right? This thing you

506
00:18:55,205 --> 00:18:57,367
can't do without the push from me. Right?

507
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,571
When something about fitness and Nutrition. And I

508
00:19:01,571 --> 00:19:03,237
think it's the only thing that this happens

509
00:19:03,237 --> 00:19:04,268
to us with so I don't know.

510
00:19:05,952 --> 00:19:07,946
Eventually, I would run out of steam, and

511
00:19:07,946 --> 00:19:08,446
then

512
00:19:08,903 --> 00:19:10,281
you would run out of

513
00:19:10,898 --> 00:19:13,131
steam to be on the other side, you

514
00:19:13,131 --> 00:19:14,965
know, Mh. Making sure that I do what

515
00:19:15,045 --> 00:19:15,698
I need to do.

516
00:19:16,576 --> 00:19:17,932
And that's why I was a little concerned

517
00:19:17,932 --> 00:19:19,606
with asking you because I know you've had

518
00:19:19,606 --> 00:19:21,941
that experience. Nobody wants to, like, keep failing

519
00:19:21,999 --> 00:19:23,913
multiple times neither of us did, you know,

520
00:19:25,444 --> 00:19:26,799
So that I like the idea that you

521
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:27,539
say it was

522
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:29,692
an external exchange

523
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:32,541
between us because... Yeah. You know, I do...

524
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,396
I mean, and, literally.

525
00:19:34,709 --> 00:19:36,777
Y'all. I am following him down the road.

526
00:19:36,936 --> 00:19:38,687
Sometimes like this morning was a rough morning,

527
00:19:38,846 --> 00:19:41,233
and I had maybe 1 eyeball ball open,

528
00:19:41,393 --> 00:19:43,223
and my could not get my brain in

529
00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:45,069
my body to... Cooperate while we walked?

530
00:19:45,548 --> 00:19:47,061
If she woke up this morning and she

531
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:47,880
was very

532
00:19:48,257 --> 00:19:50,408
disappointed it was not raining. Do I check

533
00:19:50,408 --> 00:19:52,161
the weather every morning of our walk yesterday

534
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:52,480
I did.

535
00:19:53,675 --> 00:19:55,690
Boy But I... As long as all I

536
00:19:55,690 --> 00:19:57,609
had to do was keep a pace behind

537
00:19:57,609 --> 00:20:00,089
you. Mh. I could do it. And as

538
00:20:00,089 --> 00:20:02,424
long as you're getting up up. Mh. I

539
00:20:02,424 --> 00:20:04,424
will get up. Now I don't do it

540
00:20:04,424 --> 00:20:06,505
out of fear that you... I will... There

541
00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,184
will be discipline in in consequences for it.

542
00:20:08,345 --> 00:20:10,265
We've never actually talked about what them would

543
00:20:10,265 --> 00:20:12,425
be. It's just sort of understood that if

544
00:20:12,425 --> 00:20:13,774
you're a bottom up here we go.

545
00:20:14,488 --> 00:20:16,868
And and I'd I particularly did not.

546
00:20:17,662 --> 00:20:20,406
And any any punishment or consequences

547
00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:21,818
to this,

548
00:20:25,005 --> 00:20:25,059
any

549
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,636
because I know that that does not work

550
00:20:27,636 --> 00:20:28,612
for you 1

551
00:20:29,301 --> 00:20:31,521
to certain understand. Are certain certain. Certain things

552
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:33,361
that it it will not work for you.

553
00:20:35,588 --> 00:20:37,282
You know, positive reinforcement

554
00:20:37,657 --> 00:20:39,111
is something that is much

555
00:20:39,725 --> 00:20:41,176
work Oh, yeah. Better get a lot further

556
00:20:41,176 --> 00:20:43,330
with them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know,

557
00:20:43,489 --> 00:20:45,324
then I started thing. I... I I'm... So

558
00:20:45,484 --> 00:20:47,571
I'm I'm thinking about this. And it actually

559
00:20:47,571 --> 00:20:49,641
took me a little longer to to muddle

560
00:20:49,641 --> 00:20:51,551
all this through before I finally, you know,

561
00:20:51,711 --> 00:20:53,143
we sat down and talked about it.

562
00:20:54,099 --> 00:20:54,599
And

563
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:57,291
you know, I I was also thinking, well,

564
00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:57,688
you know,

565
00:20:59,037 --> 00:21:00,330
we are heading into

566
00:21:00,704 --> 00:21:01,339
Florida summer.

567
00:21:03,182 --> 00:21:05,014
And and we're getting ready. We're on the

568
00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:06,608
cusp of super humidity,

569
00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:08,440
you know, July, August.

570
00:21:10,208 --> 00:21:11,882
And and I thought, you know, the the

571
00:21:11,882 --> 00:21:13,954
last thing we wanna do is maybe, you

572
00:21:13,954 --> 00:21:16,106
know, say, do you wanna do this every

573
00:21:16,106 --> 00:21:17,860
day of the week. Mh. You know,

574
00:21:18,514 --> 00:21:19,014
and

575
00:21:19,553 --> 00:21:21,411
neither 1 of us are in

576
00:21:22,189 --> 00:21:23,089
good shape

577
00:21:24,027 --> 00:21:24,506
per s.

578
00:21:25,305 --> 00:21:25,805
So

579
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,262
That's how I decided every other day. Monday,

580
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:31,279
Wednesday, Friday. So here's my question. Not on

581
00:21:31,279 --> 00:21:32,574
the specific

582
00:21:32,947 --> 00:21:35,663
decisions you made. Like, how you... Set this

583
00:21:35,663 --> 00:21:37,577
up, which is fascinating me, and I'm happy

584
00:21:37,577 --> 00:21:39,571
to talk about that. But on the motivation

585
00:21:39,571 --> 00:21:40,071
part

586
00:21:40,608 --> 00:21:43,160
because it's not like before I came to

587
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,516
you and said, here's the thing I'm trying

588
00:21:44,516 --> 00:21:46,440
to do set walk more often for my

589
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,902
mental health. It's not like that was new

590
00:21:48,902 --> 00:21:50,411
information to you that that would be something

591
00:21:50,411 --> 00:21:51,920
that we both ought to be doing. Right.

592
00:21:52,158 --> 00:21:53,603
And that would be good for us. Mh.

593
00:21:53,842 --> 00:21:55,512
And yet neither of us had moved on

594
00:21:55,512 --> 00:21:58,160
it. Right? So what I'm curious about

595
00:21:58,773 --> 00:21:59,092
is...

596
00:22:00,205 --> 00:22:01,478
I mean, as you've already kind of said

597
00:22:01,478 --> 00:22:04,682
you've are stu motivated here as well. Mh.

598
00:22:05,001 --> 00:22:07,495
But what is it that keeps you going?

599
00:22:07,952 --> 00:22:10,265
Because I'm I'm going. I'm getting up every

600
00:22:10,265 --> 00:22:12,910
morning even though there's crusty in my eyeballs.

601
00:22:13,069 --> 00:22:15,375
Mh. And I'm doing it because you're doing

602
00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:17,601
it. I'm falling out good sm of what

603
00:22:17,601 --> 00:22:19,294
keeps you getting up

604
00:22:19,668 --> 00:22:21,576
and not just going fuck the shit. I'm

605
00:22:21,576 --> 00:22:24,460
sleeping into bed. Yeah. Well, you know, there

606
00:22:24,460 --> 00:22:26,793
there were a number of other things

607
00:22:27,329 --> 00:22:29,641
that kind of bounded along with this.

608
00:22:30,292 --> 00:22:31,883
Because then I started thinking, well, you know,

609
00:22:32,042 --> 00:22:33,952
if we get up at 06:00, which is

610
00:22:33,952 --> 00:22:36,338
basically our normal time that we get up.

611
00:22:37,069 --> 00:22:38,920
You know, we get up. We we we

612
00:22:39,056 --> 00:22:41,203
pedal far around. We we get our clothes

613
00:22:41,203 --> 00:22:42,316
on. We go for a walk.

614
00:22:43,270 --> 00:22:45,917
And and then that starts cutting into,

615
00:22:46,610 --> 00:22:49,018
you getting outside. Right. Which gets...

616
00:22:49,896 --> 00:22:51,971
Motivation from that because Yeah. Of multiple reasons.

617
00:22:53,008 --> 00:22:54,617
So that's how I came up with the

618
00:22:54,617 --> 00:22:56,757
05:30. It's it's half an hour, but that

619
00:22:56,757 --> 00:22:57,575
half an hour

620
00:22:57,947 --> 00:22:59,770
still... And it's a half hour walks. Right.

621
00:23:00,325 --> 00:23:02,799
So so it it works out with absolutely

622
00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:03,117
fine.

623
00:23:05,102 --> 00:23:08,041
So there there were a a few things

624
00:23:08,041 --> 00:23:09,153
that motivated me,

625
00:23:10,519 --> 00:23:10,919
in this.

626
00:23:12,517 --> 00:23:15,154
1, for a while, I had been feeling

627
00:23:15,154 --> 00:23:15,654
that

628
00:23:17,231 --> 00:23:18,830
not been getting enough sleep. Sure.

629
00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:22,041
Okay? So by getting up that much earlier,

630
00:23:22,681 --> 00:23:24,518
I was like, okay. Well, we can get

631
00:23:24,518 --> 00:23:25,258
to bed

632
00:23:25,957 --> 00:23:26,936
a little earlier.

633
00:23:28,288 --> 00:23:29,503
To make up for,

634
00:23:31,469 --> 00:23:33,616
you know, getting up that earlier, not much

635
00:23:33,616 --> 00:23:33,934
earlier.

636
00:23:35,047 --> 00:23:35,547
And

637
00:23:37,855 --> 00:23:39,535
you know, when we started it, and I

638
00:23:39,535 --> 00:23:41,555
and I have no doubt that

639
00:23:42,335 --> 00:23:43,934
it would help and it is. It is.

640
00:23:44,174 --> 00:23:46,978
It's it helping physically it's helping mentally, definitely

641
00:23:46,978 --> 00:23:47,297
mentally.

642
00:23:48,571 --> 00:23:50,243
I used to walk all the time.

643
00:23:51,199 --> 00:23:52,712
There there was the time I used to

644
00:23:52,712 --> 00:23:52,951
walk.

645
00:23:53,763 --> 00:23:54,263
Constantly

646
00:23:54,958 --> 00:23:55,994
and got away from it.

647
00:23:58,384 --> 00:23:58,884
So

648
00:23:59,898 --> 00:24:02,049
the obvious thing with the with the mental

649
00:24:02,049 --> 00:24:04,608
health, which is helping me keep going.

650
00:24:05,959 --> 00:24:06,459
And

651
00:24:07,070 --> 00:24:09,691
the other thing is since we... We've started

652
00:24:09,691 --> 00:24:10,803
doing these walks,

653
00:24:11,772 --> 00:24:13,045
I have lost a little bit of weight.

654
00:24:14,636 --> 00:24:15,034
Mh.

655
00:24:15,671 --> 00:24:18,535
And and I'm very pleased with that, not

656
00:24:18,535 --> 00:24:20,420
that it would... I I thought that that

657
00:24:20,539 --> 00:24:22,367
would that would be... That was not a

658
00:24:22,367 --> 00:24:24,831
plan. That was not a plan, but it

659
00:24:24,831 --> 00:24:25,387
it has...

660
00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:29,361
So what I'm hearing is you are continuously

661
00:24:29,361 --> 00:24:30,354
honest. Cycle

662
00:24:30,972 --> 00:24:33,308
feedback loop of internal mode.

663
00:24:36,321 --> 00:24:39,035
And I'm dragging you along externally. Because what

664
00:24:39,115 --> 00:24:41,201
I'm trying to get to is, I'm doing

665
00:24:41,201 --> 00:24:43,112
it because you're doing it? Are you doing

666
00:24:43,112 --> 00:24:45,183
it because I'm doing it or because you're

667
00:24:45,183 --> 00:24:46,696
a super human who goes, you know what

668
00:24:46,776 --> 00:24:48,130
I can just decide to do a thing

669
00:24:48,130 --> 00:24:49,664
and go to a thing.

670
00:24:53,184 --> 00:24:56,164
And I feel like what the lesson is

671
00:24:56,225 --> 00:24:56,965
is you

672
00:24:57,677 --> 00:25:00,382
more often than not. Once you decide to

673
00:25:00,382 --> 00:25:01,019
do the thing,

674
00:25:02,451 --> 00:25:04,360
you... You're self propelled, like,

675
00:25:05,011 --> 00:25:07,794
machine you going. I go. Yeah. I am

676
00:25:07,794 --> 00:25:09,646
not like that. Now I am

677
00:25:10,179 --> 00:25:12,565
emma But see, that that it that is

678
00:25:12,565 --> 00:25:13,598
kind of why.

679
00:25:14,887 --> 00:25:17,436
This time when you approach me with this,

680
00:25:18,392 --> 00:25:19,905
you know, in the past when you wanted

681
00:25:19,905 --> 00:25:20,542
to do things,

682
00:25:22,295 --> 00:25:24,221
I would oversee her. Yeah.

683
00:25:24,937 --> 00:25:27,106
You didn't sorry... I was not

684
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,026
part of it. So I think the secret

685
00:25:30,026 --> 00:25:31,162
sauce is this

686
00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:32,196
ex

687
00:25:32,809 --> 00:25:36,114
motivation per son needs his internal

688
00:25:37,131 --> 00:25:37,450
motivation.

689
00:25:38,567 --> 00:25:40,003
I just had to find a way to,

690
00:25:40,163 --> 00:25:41,440
like, jump start that for you.

691
00:25:42,253 --> 00:25:42,732
Apparently.

692
00:25:43,131 --> 00:25:46,404
So okay. The idea is ex motivation because

693
00:25:46,404 --> 00:25:47,681
there are people who. I'm 1 of them

694
00:25:47,681 --> 00:25:49,198
fill a lot of guilt and shame over.

695
00:25:49,358 --> 00:25:51,842
We should not. There's If you're getting shit

696
00:25:51,842 --> 00:25:54,304
done who gives a fuck where the motivation

697
00:25:54,304 --> 00:25:57,505
comes from. Yeah. There are definitely dominance

698
00:25:58,037 --> 00:25:59,093
who don't always

699
00:25:59,626 --> 00:26:01,571
understand. If that a submissive

700
00:26:02,026 --> 00:26:03,379
knows what they need to be doing, but

701
00:26:03,379 --> 00:26:05,369
what they actually need is that external motivation

702
00:26:05,369 --> 00:26:07,597
of their dominant saying, you're gonna do this

703
00:26:07,597 --> 00:26:09,826
thing because I'm telling you to, and then

704
00:26:09,826 --> 00:26:11,915
it's do. So my question to you is...

705
00:26:12,315 --> 00:26:12,474
Okay.

706
00:26:13,352 --> 00:26:15,827
Are there things that you do as a

707
00:26:15,827 --> 00:26:18,243
dominant that are externally motivated

708
00:26:18,621 --> 00:26:21,419
by arthur power exchange by me asking something

709
00:26:21,419 --> 00:26:22,770
by the fact that you know you need

710
00:26:22,770 --> 00:26:24,621
to do it as a dominant to make

711
00:26:24,996 --> 00:26:26,982
this power exchange work. I I would have

712
00:26:26,982 --> 00:26:27,459
to say...

713
00:26:29,222 --> 00:26:31,391
And and and as far as our

714
00:26:34,149 --> 00:26:34,649
Bs

715
00:26:35,023 --> 00:26:36,931
is is concerned. Mh.

716
00:26:40,992 --> 00:26:41,730
The most

717
00:26:42,658 --> 00:26:43,054
external,

718
00:26:45,298 --> 00:26:46,497
And I don't even know if you would

719
00:26:46,497 --> 00:26:47,956
call that motivation

720
00:26:48,415 --> 00:26:48,915
necessarily

721
00:26:49,454 --> 00:26:51,372
is when you come to me and like,

722
00:26:51,852 --> 00:26:53,770
okay, Daddy. I I need a decision.

723
00:26:54,658 --> 00:26:56,879
On on XYZ We're doing this is we

724
00:26:56,879 --> 00:26:59,021
got this going on and and so need

725
00:26:59,021 --> 00:27:01,162
to make a... In that situation, is it

726
00:27:01,162 --> 00:27:03,796
a thing that you've known a decision probably

727
00:27:03,796 --> 00:27:06,201
need to be made, but you hadn't

728
00:27:07,606 --> 00:27:09,352
decided to make it yet, and I'm the

729
00:27:09,352 --> 00:27:11,755
motivator that get you to make it. Or

730
00:27:11,755 --> 00:27:13,694
is it that I just bring brand new

731
00:27:13,914 --> 00:27:16,474
information to you and give you the opportunity

732
00:27:16,474 --> 00:27:17,914
to make the decision on a thing you

733
00:27:17,914 --> 00:27:19,809
weren't even necessarily thinking about to begin with

734
00:27:20,008 --> 00:27:21,756
And and that more times than not, it's

735
00:27:21,756 --> 00:27:23,979
usually something I'm not thinking about. Yeah. You're

736
00:27:23,979 --> 00:27:25,432
you're internally motivated

737
00:27:25,965 --> 00:27:27,656
think more often.

738
00:27:28,362 --> 00:27:28,862
Then

739
00:27:29,392 --> 00:27:32,166
externally motivated. I think everybody has the ability

740
00:27:32,166 --> 00:27:34,623
to have. So both, of course. Right.

741
00:27:35,828 --> 00:27:37,819
Think probably, there's also a good chance that

742
00:27:37,819 --> 00:27:41,243
some people are more internally motivated high Jb.

743
00:27:42,438 --> 00:27:42,938
More

744
00:27:43,314 --> 00:27:44,110
externally motivated.

745
00:27:48,585 --> 00:27:50,815
Because it... I feel like we're speaking 2

746
00:27:50,815 --> 00:27:51,793
different languages.

747
00:27:53,299 --> 00:27:54,974
Like, tell me what to do what I

748
00:27:54,974 --> 00:27:58,484
will do it happily quickly and efficiently. And

749
00:27:58,484 --> 00:28:00,557
and yet. And, yet, I'm I'm gonna say

750
00:28:00,557 --> 00:28:02,551
that. Yet. Yes, there are things.

751
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,289
There are a lot of things you

752
00:28:06,136 --> 00:28:07,562
need that external...

753
00:28:08,196 --> 00:28:09,701
I need the point it. You need that

754
00:28:09,701 --> 00:28:12,262
push. Mh. And and sometimes even need a

755
00:28:12,262 --> 00:28:13,298
little bit of oversight.

756
00:28:15,130 --> 00:28:16,245
Sometimes. Sometimes.

757
00:28:17,122 --> 00:28:17,622
But

758
00:28:18,635 --> 00:28:20,723
I have been watching you the last few

759
00:28:20,723 --> 00:28:21,122
days,

760
00:28:21,681 --> 00:28:23,059
and and with no

761
00:28:23,757 --> 00:28:24,257
outside

762
00:28:25,114 --> 00:28:25,354
motivation,

763
00:28:26,870 --> 00:28:28,547
you have been doing a shit on a

764
00:28:28,547 --> 00:28:31,271
work. Mh. The on all the shops. So

765
00:28:31,271 --> 00:28:33,022
here's what's funny about that. And this is

766
00:28:33,022 --> 00:28:35,251
where I personally get confused on am I

767
00:28:35,251 --> 00:28:36,706
being, am I motivated

768
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,310
from within or is it external?

769
00:28:40,603 --> 00:28:41,002
1,

770
00:28:41,721 --> 00:28:42,221
I

771
00:28:43,479 --> 00:28:46,036
absolutely follow the dopamine. If I am interested

772
00:28:46,036 --> 00:28:46,755
and engaged,

773
00:28:47,315 --> 00:28:49,001
you get all my attention, all my effort,

774
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,148
all my energy and certainly all my motivation

775
00:28:51,148 --> 00:28:53,614
until I stop being interested and engaged. And

776
00:28:53,614 --> 00:28:55,858
then it's a different sorry. The other thing

777
00:28:55,858 --> 00:28:57,553
is there's is the external

778
00:28:58,088 --> 00:29:01,353
motivation that we spent 400 dollars at the

779
00:29:01,353 --> 00:29:03,517
vet and 300 dollars on our column kid.

780
00:29:03,914 --> 00:29:05,423
So I'm like, oh,

781
00:29:06,217 --> 00:29:08,043
we should probably earn more money. So the

782
00:29:08,043 --> 00:29:09,869
motivation is we need more money. Okay. Because...

783
00:29:10,028 --> 00:29:11,299
And you know... In that way, I know

784
00:29:11,378 --> 00:29:13,221
I'm externally motivated a bitch because I have

785
00:29:13,221 --> 00:29:15,948
said publicly many times in many different places

786
00:29:16,163 --> 00:29:18,311
that I'll do almost anything for a paycheck.

787
00:29:18,629 --> 00:29:18,788
Okay.

788
00:29:19,822 --> 00:29:21,668
Because if I am. Yeah. If it's a

789
00:29:21,668 --> 00:29:22,865
thing I feel like I can do and

790
00:29:22,945 --> 00:29:25,020
I am willing to do it. It doesn't

791
00:29:25,020 --> 00:29:26,696
mean I'm interested, but I'm willing.

792
00:29:27,255 --> 00:29:29,250
I'll do literally... If you're paying me, let's...

793
00:29:29,424 --> 00:29:31,169
Do it. Was... Mh. Fine.

794
00:29:32,439 --> 00:29:33,787
And some of the things, yeah, that I've

795
00:29:33,787 --> 00:29:35,319
been working on are either

796
00:29:35,850 --> 00:29:38,643
payday in the immediate future to or future,

797
00:29:38,801 --> 00:29:41,421
like, long distance pay. And so that's where

798
00:29:41,421 --> 00:29:43,326
some of that motivation comes from. And I've

799
00:29:43,326 --> 00:29:45,525
actually since I've been thinking about this

800
00:29:46,203 --> 00:29:46,703
topic.

801
00:29:47,719 --> 00:29:48,778
Have started questioning

802
00:29:49,156 --> 00:29:50,933
how I am motivated

803
00:29:51,391 --> 00:29:52,369
because I

804
00:29:52,747 --> 00:29:53,806
up until

805
00:29:55,957 --> 00:29:58,675
fairly recently. I probably would have told anybody

806
00:29:58,675 --> 00:30:00,353
who asked and I probably did, that I

807
00:30:00,353 --> 00:30:02,591
am very internally motivated because I will get

808
00:30:02,591 --> 00:30:04,597
up and just do the shit that needs

809
00:30:04,597 --> 00:30:05,471
doing. Mh.

810
00:30:06,106 --> 00:30:08,115
And I have set goals for myself and

811
00:30:08,171 --> 00:30:10,657
achieved them. But when I start thinking about

812
00:30:10,951 --> 00:30:13,826
what actually got me to it get up

813
00:30:13,826 --> 00:30:16,372
and do the things for a very long

814
00:30:16,372 --> 00:30:16,690
time.

815
00:30:17,804 --> 00:30:20,986
It's... I I truly cannot remember going, yes,

816
00:30:21,145 --> 00:30:22,513
I just wanted to do the things, so

817
00:30:22,593 --> 00:30:24,509
I did it. There are those things exist

818
00:30:24,509 --> 00:30:24,989
for sure.

819
00:30:25,707 --> 00:30:27,942
But... And I don't know what kind of

820
00:30:27,942 --> 00:30:30,577
crossover this has if anybody is a mental

821
00:30:30,577 --> 00:30:32,588
health professional and has its fight feel free

822
00:30:32,588 --> 00:30:32,987
to share,

823
00:30:33,944 --> 00:30:36,417
but I am my longtime people please.

824
00:30:37,055 --> 00:30:38,731
And I have done many things in my

825
00:30:38,731 --> 00:30:40,502
life. Fight things that were good for me,

826
00:30:40,742 --> 00:30:41,881
things that were not

827
00:30:42,340 --> 00:30:44,417
because it made somebody else happy or because

828
00:30:44,577 --> 00:30:47,070
I got external validation for it. Like, I'm

829
00:30:47,070 --> 00:30:49,390
sitting here questioning Praise kings now like.

830
00:30:52,109 --> 00:30:54,190
I know my praise king is because I

831
00:30:54,190 --> 00:30:55,730
want to be praised and validated.

832
00:30:56,283 --> 00:30:57,001
But also,

833
00:30:57,559 --> 00:30:59,313
I'll do a bunch of shit for a

834
00:30:59,313 --> 00:30:59,872
cut girl?

835
00:31:01,466 --> 00:31:04,735
Not mean, is it is the praise enough

836
00:31:04,735 --> 00:31:07,218
to sustain me long term and keep me

837
00:31:07,218 --> 00:31:09,446
doing something no because eventually that gets old

838
00:31:09,446 --> 00:31:11,198
and you stop hearing it as clear it

839
00:31:11,198 --> 00:31:13,506
stops hitting as hard. So then there has

840
00:31:13,506 --> 00:31:14,643
to be some other

841
00:31:15,032 --> 00:31:17,596
motivator. And then I also recognize that sometimes

842
00:31:17,970 --> 00:31:20,510
the start of the motivation. The thing that

843
00:31:20,510 --> 00:31:23,858
starts the engines is external and then I

844
00:31:23,858 --> 00:31:25,785
keep me going long term

845
00:31:26,157 --> 00:31:27,980
because I I found something to invest in

846
00:31:27,980 --> 00:31:30,041
within that activity that I then don't...

847
00:31:30,934 --> 00:31:33,414
Me the external. So the the... For you,

848
00:31:33,494 --> 00:31:34,394
the external

849
00:31:35,494 --> 00:31:35,994
motivation

850
00:31:36,694 --> 00:31:38,295
puts the fuel on the fire.

851
00:31:38,855 --> 00:31:40,566
You can. Yeah And then

852
00:31:41,019 --> 00:31:42,924
if it... You just... If it catches my

853
00:31:42,924 --> 00:31:44,671
attention and it feels like it's going the

854
00:31:44,671 --> 00:31:46,021
way I want it to go, I can

855
00:31:46,021 --> 00:31:46,759
keep going

856
00:31:47,530 --> 00:31:50,087
without more external. The thing is.

857
00:31:50,644 --> 00:31:51,041
I have...

858
00:31:52,393 --> 00:31:53,983
I'm learning a lot about myself, and I

859
00:31:53,983 --> 00:31:55,176
have been learning a lot about myself over

860
00:31:55,176 --> 00:31:56,528
the past year, mostly in

861
00:31:57,164 --> 00:31:59,330
response to learning things about the kids and

862
00:31:59,330 --> 00:32:01,570
their diagnoses because it makes you kinda question

863
00:32:01,570 --> 00:32:02,369
your whole ass life.

864
00:32:03,890 --> 00:32:04,210
But,

865
00:32:06,849 --> 00:32:07,844
what I

866
00:32:08,461 --> 00:32:10,934
preview... I think about how I am now

867
00:32:10,934 --> 00:32:13,988
and how I was my entire adult life

868
00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:17,086
prior. 2 the past 5 or 6 years.

869
00:32:17,802 --> 00:32:19,631
And sometimes I... I think other people can

870
00:32:19,631 --> 00:32:21,461
relate to this, especially if you're are submissive

871
00:32:21,461 --> 00:32:22,495
and you now have to be told to

872
00:32:22,495 --> 00:32:24,021
do a thing that or a few years

873
00:32:24,021 --> 00:32:25,770
ago, you would just done for yourself.

874
00:32:27,758 --> 00:32:29,269
That is the thing. There are times you

875
00:32:29,269 --> 00:32:31,893
have to tell me not with everything, but

876
00:32:31,893 --> 00:32:33,898
you have to tell me a fold that

877
00:32:33,898 --> 00:32:36,295
laundry. Mh. Fold those sheets get this thing

878
00:32:36,295 --> 00:32:39,591
done. Right? And I have very clear memories

879
00:32:39,890 --> 00:32:42,452
of just doing the fucking thing 10 years

880
00:32:42,452 --> 00:32:44,679
ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago. And

881
00:32:44,679 --> 00:32:46,032
so what happens is I get in my

882
00:32:46,032 --> 00:32:46,747
head and I go,

883
00:32:47,479 --> 00:32:48,991
Why can I do it then and I

884
00:32:48,991 --> 00:32:51,378
can't do it now? And then I had

885
00:32:51,378 --> 00:32:52,254
an epiphany.

886
00:32:53,129 --> 00:32:54,346
I'm gonna do crazy

887
00:32:55,533 --> 00:32:58,565
The reason I could do it then is

888
00:32:58,565 --> 00:33:01,538
because the internal voice and motivator,

889
00:33:02,409 --> 00:33:03,288
was shame.

890
00:33:04,646 --> 00:33:07,682
Oh, yeah. It was... I gil myself. There

891
00:33:07,682 --> 00:33:09,200
were times that I just would feel like

892
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,214
I I need to sit down or I

893
00:33:11,214 --> 00:33:13,694
don't have the mental bandwidth or what I

894
00:33:13,694 --> 00:33:15,795
now... I think I recognize as executive

895
00:33:16,174 --> 00:33:18,335
dysfunction. What would happen is I wouldn't do

896
00:33:18,335 --> 00:33:20,817
a thing. And then I would mentally be

897
00:33:20,817 --> 00:33:23,200
very mean to myself until I got up

898
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:24,074
to do the thing.

899
00:33:24,709 --> 00:33:26,536
And I never, like, felt good about, oh

900
00:33:26,695 --> 00:33:28,363
I finally did it I was just relieved

901
00:33:28,363 --> 00:33:31,002
that the the mean girl voice in my

902
00:33:31,002 --> 00:33:33,467
head shut up for 5 seconds, but that

903
00:33:33,547 --> 00:33:35,534
I got so much done because I lived

904
00:33:35,534 --> 00:33:37,761
in the you should you ought to, you

905
00:33:37,761 --> 00:33:39,709
have to you need to. Of,

906
00:33:40,246 --> 00:33:42,800
I don't know. Everybody else's expectations when I

907
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,897
thought it was supposed to be doing was,

908
00:33:45,115 --> 00:33:47,110
you know, I've been taught in my family

909
00:33:47,110 --> 00:33:49,348
unit that, you know, an adult was supposed

910
00:33:49,348 --> 00:33:50,404
to do, like, whatever.

911
00:33:51,252 --> 00:33:53,735
And now At a point in life where

912
00:33:54,425 --> 00:33:55,059
I have...

913
00:33:56,509 --> 00:33:58,109
It'll in a lot of ways,

914
00:33:58,590 --> 00:34:01,230
let go of some of that internal self

915
00:34:01,230 --> 00:34:03,162
talk, which is not helping not good for

916
00:34:03,162 --> 00:34:03,321
me.

917
00:34:04,434 --> 00:34:06,659
No. I just kinda own the fact a

918
00:34:06,659 --> 00:34:07,716
little bit more than

919
00:34:08,170 --> 00:34:10,713
before. This owners I just... I can't fucking

920
00:34:10,713 --> 00:34:12,398
do it without an ex good journal push,

921
00:34:12,557 --> 00:34:14,809
and I'm fucking grateful to be a submissive

922
00:34:15,186 --> 00:34:16,858
to a dom who's like, no, no. I'll

923
00:34:16,858 --> 00:34:18,372
tell you what to do. I actually enjoy

924
00:34:18,372 --> 00:34:19,885
this. This is fun for me,

925
00:34:20,682 --> 00:34:23,162
because I'm like I fucking need it if

926
00:34:23,242 --> 00:34:25,308
I wanna get shit done. Not everything, and

927
00:34:25,308 --> 00:34:26,500
that's the thing. Some people are gonna be

928
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:28,567
thinking, like, it's all or nothing. And for

929
00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:29,918
me, personally, it is not.

930
00:34:30,649 --> 00:34:32,426
It tends to be

931
00:34:33,044 --> 00:34:35,518
1 of 2 things. The things I find.

932
00:34:36,476 --> 00:34:39,670
So tedious, so inefficient, so boring.

933
00:34:40,641 --> 00:34:42,074
I'm doing this today, and I'm gonna have

934
00:34:42,074 --> 00:34:43,905
to do it in 6 more days. Why

935
00:34:43,905 --> 00:34:45,418
is life like this? Those things.

936
00:34:46,056 --> 00:34:48,387
Again, not all, but most. Yeah. And then

937
00:34:48,698 --> 00:34:51,958
the things that I am afraid to be

938
00:34:51,958 --> 00:34:52,674
bad at.

939
00:34:53,787 --> 00:34:54,025
Like,

940
00:34:55,218 --> 00:34:57,540
not you don't get in the business of

941
00:34:57,540 --> 00:34:58,257
my business,

942
00:34:58,735 --> 00:35:00,646
often we're... We work side by side, we

943
00:35:00,646 --> 00:35:02,239
work together, but things that you know were

944
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:03,912
my thing. You don't really say. I don't

945
00:35:03,912 --> 00:35:06,314
much about. I don't pick in... Right Windows.

946
00:35:06,552 --> 00:35:09,037
But things were we're, like, working together,

947
00:35:09,490 --> 00:35:11,158
if there things that I've talked to you

948
00:35:11,158 --> 00:35:13,484
about that I wanna do promotional or

949
00:35:13,875 --> 00:35:17,175
Product development or whatever. And I start procrastinating.

950
00:35:18,034 --> 00:35:20,034
A lot of that will come from fear.

951
00:35:20,275 --> 00:35:21,875
Fear of fucking it up, Not being perfect.

952
00:35:22,049 --> 00:35:23,728
Rather a little lot being seen like all

953
00:35:23,728 --> 00:35:24,047
the fears.

954
00:35:25,805 --> 00:35:27,025
But if you go

955
00:35:27,563 --> 00:35:28,043
baby girl,

956
00:35:28,842 --> 00:35:30,200
you need to work on it. You might

957
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:31,885
not even know what telling me to work

958
00:35:31,885 --> 00:35:32,123
on.

959
00:35:32,757 --> 00:35:34,739
But if you tell me to do it,

960
00:35:34,977 --> 00:35:36,722
Mh. Something about that,

961
00:35:37,435 --> 00:35:38,599
and I... I've only

962
00:35:39,195 --> 00:35:41,182
experienced it in our power exchange. They have

963
00:35:41,182 --> 00:35:43,247
never had another partner shortly. Not a vanilla

964
00:35:43,247 --> 00:35:44,462
partner who would have

965
00:35:45,074 --> 00:35:45,764
the e

966
00:35:46,597 --> 00:35:48,817
privilege to tell me what the fuck to

967
00:35:48,817 --> 00:35:49,530
do. Okay?

968
00:35:50,481 --> 00:35:51,909
When you do it,

969
00:35:52,780 --> 00:35:55,025
even though I I'm scared. I'm, like, could

970
00:35:55,025 --> 00:35:57,097
just be sick everywhere. I'm so nervous. Mh.

971
00:35:57,496 --> 00:35:59,591
I can fucking do it. That there's something

972
00:35:59,649 --> 00:36:02,041
about the dynamic. Maybe it's the trust.

973
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,839
I'm maybe it's the... You've never asked me

974
00:36:04,839 --> 00:36:06,666
to do anything that I wasn't capable of.

975
00:36:06,826 --> 00:36:08,733
And so I might not trust myself, but

976
00:36:08,812 --> 00:36:10,576
I trust you. You think when I when

977
00:36:10,735 --> 00:36:12,405
I come to you and I I say,

978
00:36:12,564 --> 00:36:12,882
you know,

979
00:36:14,155 --> 00:36:16,303
alright. Baby girl. Need to get those sheets

980
00:36:16,303 --> 00:36:16,621
folded.

981
00:36:17,352 --> 00:36:19,578
And and and put away by, you know,

982
00:36:20,135 --> 00:36:22,361
the specific time. Do you think there's a

983
00:36:22,361 --> 00:36:25,478
certain amount of of validation for you they're

984
00:36:25,478 --> 00:36:28,270
a hand. I mean, I do have I'm

985
00:36:28,270 --> 00:36:29,785
if that's the right word, but that's what...

986
00:36:30,583 --> 00:36:32,178
Validation feels right. I know for man again.

987
00:36:32,497 --> 00:36:34,331
Cannot speak creative any anybody ever.

988
00:36:36,103 --> 00:36:39,219
It is a strange feeling to know, like,

989
00:36:39,299 --> 00:36:41,056
if I allow myself to think about it

990
00:36:41,056 --> 00:36:41,456
closely,

991
00:36:42,095 --> 00:36:42,550
that

992
00:36:43,146 --> 00:36:46,110
10 minutes ago. The idea folding sheets

993
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:47,540
was

994
00:36:48,471 --> 00:36:50,697
so boring. Why? I don't want to. It

995
00:36:50,697 --> 00:36:52,221
easy to forget. I got other to think

996
00:36:52,221 --> 00:36:53,807
about It's outside out of mind.

997
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,663
You tell me. Now 1, I get the

998
00:36:56,663 --> 00:36:58,487
playful little thing of I get to whine

999
00:36:58,487 --> 00:37:00,335
for about 10 seconds because Yeah. You allow

1000
00:37:00,335 --> 00:37:01,850
that Like, I don't overdo it.

1001
00:37:02,648 --> 00:37:04,722
Most of the time. And I'll go, oh,

1002
00:37:04,961 --> 00:37:06,317
do I have to and we get this

1003
00:37:06,317 --> 00:37:07,992
banter back and forth. Right. Which is very

1004
00:37:07,992 --> 00:37:10,238
much our power. Exchange. So I get... There's

1005
00:37:10,238 --> 00:37:12,311
that. There's that, like, that reinforcement.

1006
00:37:13,188 --> 00:37:13,688
Then

1007
00:37:14,303 --> 00:37:16,670
I'm still not excited about the

1008
00:37:17,426 --> 00:37:18,701
thing I need to do,

1009
00:37:19,657 --> 00:37:20,874
but I am

1010
00:37:21,728 --> 00:37:23,640
maybe motivated is the what I want to

1011
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:25,870
get it to exceed your expectations, get it

1012
00:37:25,870 --> 00:37:28,121
done sooner than you told me too. Oh,

1013
00:37:28,361 --> 00:37:30,758
I do love an impressed oh, you're already

1014
00:37:30,758 --> 00:37:32,595
done my whole life since childhood,

1015
00:37:33,487 --> 00:37:36,670
let me be faster, better, stronger, something something

1016
00:37:36,670 --> 00:37:37,170
something

1017
00:37:37,625 --> 00:37:39,137
than you thought I would be whoever you

1018
00:37:39,137 --> 00:37:41,721
might be. The Scotty ticket. Me. Let me

1019
00:37:41,778 --> 00:37:43,130
surprise the shit out of people I fucking

1020
00:37:43,130 --> 00:37:43,687
love that shit.

1021
00:37:45,358 --> 00:37:46,869
I don't know why. But there it is.

1022
00:37:47,425 --> 00:37:49,029
It's me probably the praise you get from

1023
00:37:49,029 --> 00:37:51,650
shit like that. So I like... I don't

1024
00:37:51,650 --> 00:37:53,080
wanna... Just still don't wanna do the thing.

1025
00:37:53,556 --> 00:37:54,533
But I want

1026
00:37:54,907 --> 00:37:56,416
you to be happy. I want you to

1027
00:37:56,416 --> 00:37:57,863
be proud, and I want you to be

1028
00:37:57,863 --> 00:38:00,897
pleasantly surprised that I did it quickly. I

1029
00:38:00,897 --> 00:38:03,611
did it without reminders. I did it in

1030
00:38:03,611 --> 00:38:05,926
a time and a way or whatever you

1031
00:38:05,926 --> 00:38:08,576
that was un expected to you. And I

1032
00:38:08,576 --> 00:38:09,076
think

1033
00:38:09,853 --> 00:38:12,189
it's not just because I feel like

1034
00:38:12,567 --> 00:38:14,722
I'm giving something as a submissive. I think

1035
00:38:14,722 --> 00:38:16,573
there's a little bit of that. I think

1036
00:38:16,573 --> 00:38:17,711
it is the

1037
00:38:18,168 --> 00:38:19,307
response that

1038
00:38:19,923 --> 00:38:20,423
historically,

1039
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,766
I have gotten for being that. Way, I

1040
00:38:23,766 --> 00:38:25,358
don't know if that's healthier,

1041
00:38:26,153 --> 00:38:27,529
I just go.

1042
00:38:29,177 --> 00:38:31,579
Like... Yeah. When I work way like a

1043
00:38:31,579 --> 00:38:32,795
a big girl job

1044
00:38:33,329 --> 00:38:35,261
in a in a corporate kind of

1045
00:38:35,795 --> 00:38:38,039
atmosphere. Yeah. That could be used it's and

1046
00:38:38,039 --> 00:38:39,476
it was used kind of against me in

1047
00:38:39,476 --> 00:38:41,232
a very toxic way. It was like, how

1048
00:38:41,232 --> 00:38:44,206
much can we work her into the ground

1049
00:38:44,505 --> 00:38:46,580
before she just... Yeah. And and there's a

1050
00:38:46,580 --> 00:38:46,820
lot of...

1051
00:38:47,552 --> 00:38:49,302
Like that. And that is the downside to

1052
00:38:49,302 --> 00:38:51,392
being that kind of person who

1053
00:38:51,927 --> 00:38:53,063
wants to exceed

1054
00:38:53,438 --> 00:38:55,126
expectations because I get a little thrill out

1055
00:38:55,126 --> 00:38:56,560
of it. Did I get more money out

1056
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,313
of it No, but I got the thrill.

1057
00:38:58,473 --> 00:39:00,885
Right? Like, not everybody is deserving

1058
00:39:01,342 --> 00:39:01,501
of...

1059
00:39:02,152 --> 00:39:04,951
That desire that I have. If this

1060
00:39:05,561 --> 00:39:08,336
sounds relatable to anybody, not everybody is going

1061
00:39:08,336 --> 00:39:10,658
to be worthy. Of that from you either.

1062
00:39:11,537 --> 00:39:13,235
And learning that was

1063
00:39:13,694 --> 00:39:15,452
whoa, that was some tough lessons.

1064
00:39:16,171 --> 00:39:18,818
But now give Like, I don't even think

1065
00:39:18,818 --> 00:39:19,637
about doing,

1066
00:39:20,015 --> 00:39:20,254
you know,

1067
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:23,385
looking for external motivation

1068
00:39:23,842 --> 00:39:24,559
anywhere else,

1069
00:39:26,167 --> 00:39:27,619
I am really sorry for you

1070
00:39:27,992 --> 00:39:28,492
because

1071
00:39:29,895 --> 00:39:30,395
your

1072
00:39:30,847 --> 00:39:32,965
stars over there and you're doing it well

1073
00:39:33,164 --> 00:39:34,925
me, But it also means that I don't

1074
00:39:34,925 --> 00:39:36,445
know for anybody else.

1075
00:39:37,164 --> 00:39:37,664
I

1076
00:39:37,965 --> 00:39:38,785
very few

1077
00:39:39,164 --> 00:39:42,500
very few people can externally motivate me now

1078
00:39:42,699 --> 00:39:44,369
I don't wanna fucking do it in the

1079
00:39:44,369 --> 00:39:45,085
first place,

1080
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,028
I'm I'm probably not fucking doing it. But

1081
00:39:48,028 --> 00:39:49,793
if you want me to do. It.

1082
00:39:50,826 --> 00:39:52,655
And I can't come up with a legitimate

1083
00:39:52,655 --> 00:39:53,688
reason why I shouldn't have to.

1084
00:39:55,039 --> 00:39:57,106
And make a clear case for my,

1085
00:39:57,678 --> 00:39:58,316
side of the argument.

1086
00:39:59,272 --> 00:40:00,706
Then I can... I mean, I can almost

1087
00:40:00,706 --> 00:40:03,016
do anything. Now that's a huge power you

1088
00:40:03,016 --> 00:40:03,335
have.

1089
00:40:04,052 --> 00:40:06,681
Huge power. It is. And that's an reminder

1090
00:40:06,681 --> 00:40:08,850
to king pictures out there, not every partner

1091
00:40:08,850 --> 00:40:11,005
you have is gonna be worthy of that

1092
00:40:11,005 --> 00:40:13,719
level of power. Too. If you know that

1093
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:15,075
about yourself, if you have figured that out

1094
00:40:15,075 --> 00:40:15,889
about yours yeah.

1095
00:40:16,768 --> 00:40:18,926
That that is. Yeah. You're right. You're absolutely

1096
00:40:18,926 --> 00:40:19,565
right. Mh.

1097
00:40:20,284 --> 00:40:20,604
I...

1098
00:40:22,122 --> 00:40:23,721
Good thing I choose to use my powers

1099
00:40:23,721 --> 00:40:26,602
for Google. Fuck. I am... I mean, Chase

1100
00:40:26,602 --> 00:40:27,317
is gone.

1101
00:40:28,350 --> 00:40:30,256
I'm... You know, part of it I think

1102
00:40:30,256 --> 00:40:32,027
it it works for us

1103
00:40:32,639 --> 00:40:34,172
because I am

1104
00:40:34,879 --> 00:40:37,271
I'm so routine oriented. There's plenty of things.

1105
00:40:37,511 --> 00:40:39,744
I don't really need motivation for. Other than

1106
00:40:39,744 --> 00:40:41,338
the, I said I would do this as

1107
00:40:41,338 --> 00:40:43,651
his submissive, and it will make him my

1108
00:40:43,651 --> 00:40:45,341
daddy dom hap. If I do it. Right?

1109
00:40:45,820 --> 00:40:47,574
Because if I... I don't do it, I'd

1110
00:40:47,574 --> 00:40:49,568
better have a fucking reason why. And I

1111
00:40:49,568 --> 00:40:50,845
can live with that, and I can I

1112
00:40:50,845 --> 00:40:53,876
can kinda go on a pseudo autopilot that

1113
00:40:53,876 --> 00:40:55,488
way, like, I just? Mh. These are the

1114
00:40:55,488 --> 00:40:56,766
things I do. I agree to do them.

1115
00:40:56,846 --> 00:40:57,905
That I have no

1116
00:40:58,364 --> 00:40:58,864
reason

1117
00:40:59,402 --> 00:41:01,160
that I have come up whether that has,

1118
00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:03,330
like, struck me, but why I don't want

1119
00:41:03,330 --> 00:41:05,107
to or shouldn't anymore. So

1120
00:41:05,565 --> 00:41:06,523
I just keep doing it.

1121
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:10,764
And, you know, I've embraced the fact that

1122
00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:12,665
I just... I get a fucking kick out

1123
00:41:12,665 --> 00:41:14,250
of it. Like, I don't I don't think

1124
00:41:14,250 --> 00:41:15,438
it would work if you were coming to

1125
00:41:15,438 --> 00:41:15,938
me

1126
00:41:16,547 --> 00:41:18,550
every 10 minute, with another thing. Like, I,

1127
00:41:18,630 --> 00:41:19,904
we just don't live that kind of life

1128
00:41:19,904 --> 00:41:22,055
that's not gonna fucking work. Yeah. No. So

1129
00:41:22,055 --> 00:41:24,763
you use your powers wisely and judicious, thank

1130
00:41:24,763 --> 00:41:25,241
you for that.

1131
00:41:26,117 --> 00:41:28,365
But it's with And I'm at this point,

1132
00:41:28,684 --> 00:41:30,119
because of the nature of our...

1133
00:41:30,838 --> 00:41:33,491
How busy we are as parents and as,

1134
00:41:33,629 --> 00:41:36,580
you know, with work, you actually don't come

1135
00:41:36,580 --> 00:41:38,669
to me as often as you once did.

1136
00:41:38,988 --> 00:41:39,887
And so

1137
00:41:40,742 --> 00:41:41,242
sometimes,

1138
00:41:42,098 --> 00:41:44,331
I have to put my miss of hat

1139
00:41:44,331 --> 00:41:45,868
on and remember

1140
00:41:46,245 --> 00:41:48,011
that you were asking me something is my

1141
00:41:48,011 --> 00:41:50,397
dumb, but sometimes, I'm super excited. I'm like,

1142
00:41:50,476 --> 00:41:52,067
look, he's asking me for something. I'll go.

1143
00:41:52,624 --> 00:41:53,579
We we have

1144
00:41:58,060 --> 00:41:59,498
Excuse me. My goodness.

1145
00:42:02,547 --> 00:42:04,139
You know, there... There's a very good reason

1146
00:42:04,139 --> 00:42:06,289
why they're... I have not been coming to

1147
00:42:06,289 --> 00:42:07,801
you with a lot of stuff.

1148
00:42:09,154 --> 00:42:11,644
Since the youngest has been home,

1149
00:42:14,732 --> 00:42:15,787
you have been

1150
00:42:18,699 --> 00:42:20,206
juggling a shit on a plate.

1151
00:42:21,173 --> 00:42:22,443
You know, over the last...

1152
00:42:23,236 --> 00:42:25,220
Some people spin plates I juggle them. Yeah.

1153
00:42:25,934 --> 00:42:26,728
Well, whatever.

1154
00:42:27,933 --> 00:42:28,433
Whatever.

1155
00:42:28,807 --> 00:42:30,871
It just made me sound extra impressive. That's

1156
00:42:30,871 --> 00:42:31,030
okay.

1157
00:42:33,492 --> 00:42:35,239
You know, I I have stepped in a

1158
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:37,119
little bit more over the last month to

1159
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:38,909
to try and help and take some of

1160
00:42:38,909 --> 00:42:41,693
that that load off And even if you

1161
00:42:41,693 --> 00:42:43,864
can't, you know, I have been

1162
00:42:44,492 --> 00:42:46,242
taking up on some of the things you

1163
00:42:46,242 --> 00:42:48,708
do around the house. Mh. You know, to

1164
00:42:48,708 --> 00:42:50,936
to free... Oh when I have feels about

1165
00:42:50,936 --> 00:42:51,015
that.

1166
00:42:52,143 --> 00:42:54,288
I'm sure you do, but, you know,

1167
00:42:58,102 --> 00:42:59,452
you were not getting any...

1168
00:43:00,264 --> 00:43:02,018
Breathing room, so to speak,

1169
00:43:03,534 --> 00:43:04,570
you know, and

1170
00:43:05,527 --> 00:43:06,803
it it needed to happen.

1171
00:43:07,521 --> 00:43:08,717
It it needed to happen.

1172
00:43:10,648 --> 00:43:13,605
It's so funny because, you know, 4 months,

1173
00:43:14,564 --> 00:43:16,482
you know, I was sort of just... I

1174
00:43:16,642 --> 00:43:18,480
I don't... I wouldn't call autopilot.

1175
00:43:19,930 --> 00:43:21,384
I I feel like

1176
00:43:21,839 --> 00:43:23,691
I was the

1177
00:43:24,862 --> 00:43:28,300
pilot trainee that like started school yesterday and

1178
00:43:28,300 --> 00:43:31,668
somehow ended up in a a crashing plane

1179
00:43:31,965 --> 00:43:33,971
with the experience pilot the passing out. Like,

1180
00:43:34,130 --> 00:43:35,802
sometimes that's what I felt like my life

1181
00:43:35,802 --> 00:43:37,712
was, Like, it was just it was sponge

1182
00:43:37,712 --> 00:43:39,702
bob and Patrick running around on my brain

1183
00:43:39,702 --> 00:43:41,190
going, oh, what do we do? Like the

1184
00:43:41,309 --> 00:43:42,268
that with... That's what it.

1185
00:43:43,067 --> 00:43:45,165
And yet, I could kind of

1186
00:43:46,183 --> 00:43:48,341
in some ways appear to be on autopilot

1187
00:43:48,341 --> 00:43:50,507
of getting things done part of that is

1188
00:43:50,507 --> 00:43:52,335
because I'm very routine oriented and as long

1189
00:43:52,335 --> 00:43:53,686
as the routine stayed the same. I could

1190
00:43:53,686 --> 00:43:56,070
do the same things. But also because in

1191
00:43:56,070 --> 00:43:59,268
that case, the external motivator was if it

1192
00:43:59,268 --> 00:44:01,042
doesn't get done, everything

1193
00:44:01,418 --> 00:44:05,081
falls apart, and we don't have the luxury,

1194
00:44:05,414 --> 00:44:07,492
of everything falling apart. No. We don't. Now.

1195
00:44:07,652 --> 00:44:11,088
That's not sustainable. I I am not the

1196
00:44:11,088 --> 00:44:13,085
first, not the last, not the only person

1197
00:44:13,085 --> 00:44:15,733
who we'll have to function through life with

1198
00:44:15,733 --> 00:44:17,169
that kind of motivation. I mean,

1199
00:44:18,445 --> 00:44:19,801
life ebb and flows. Right?

1200
00:44:21,635 --> 00:44:23,470
Does. In the flow, you get to like,

1201
00:44:23,644 --> 00:44:25,163
sit down a little bit more in the

1202
00:44:25,163 --> 00:44:25,402
app,

1203
00:44:26,042 --> 00:44:26,521
maybe not.

1204
00:44:28,279 --> 00:44:28,779
So

1205
00:44:29,159 --> 00:44:30,677
it's weird to me because it's not like

1206
00:44:30,757 --> 00:44:32,595
I wake up every day and those kinds

1207
00:44:32,595 --> 00:44:32,969
of

1208
00:44:33,409 --> 00:44:35,324
situations, and I'm like, I'm ready to do

1209
00:44:35,324 --> 00:44:37,400
this thing because it fulfill me. It's the

1210
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:38,677
right thing to do. It's more like,

1211
00:44:40,193 --> 00:44:41,252
okay. Just

1212
00:44:42,044 --> 00:44:44,300
keep your head down and go straight

1213
00:44:44,838 --> 00:44:45,477
straight line.

1214
00:44:46,115 --> 00:44:48,032
And if you do not get through it,

1215
00:44:48,830 --> 00:44:51,145
it will be even worse tomorrow, and that

1216
00:44:51,145 --> 00:44:52,059
would be I'm

1217
00:44:52,514 --> 00:44:52,992
motivation. Yeah.

1218
00:44:53,787 --> 00:44:54,765
Having you

1219
00:44:55,141 --> 00:44:56,835
come in with the assist was

1220
00:44:57,528 --> 00:44:57,847
weird.

1221
00:44:58,881 --> 00:45:00,553
I wasn't used to it. Sure,

1222
00:45:01,190 --> 00:45:02,714
I'm I know it can be hard for

1223
00:45:02,714 --> 00:45:05,494
people to to believe this, but there was

1224
00:45:05,494 --> 00:45:07,161
a bit of a... You mean, I'm gonna

1225
00:45:07,161 --> 00:45:08,988
let go of some of this control,

1226
00:45:09,703 --> 00:45:10,338
which weirdly,

1227
00:45:10,815 --> 00:45:12,814
I parenting we... There is no power exchange,

1228
00:45:12,973 --> 00:45:14,798
but mh. You know, when you're the default

1229
00:45:14,798 --> 00:45:16,545
parent when you're the 1 who does the

1230
00:45:16,545 --> 00:45:17,918
majority of a thing, you

1231
00:45:18,704 --> 00:45:20,697
claims some ownership over it It you kinda

1232
00:45:20,697 --> 00:45:21,733
control how long shit goes.

1233
00:45:24,205 --> 00:45:25,560
And in a way, I was like, oh,

1234
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:26,836
good. I don't... I don't have to be

1235
00:45:26,836 --> 00:45:27,969
the only 1 to think about this But

1236
00:45:27,969 --> 00:45:29,969
in another way I was like, oh, but

1237
00:45:29,969 --> 00:45:32,050
he's gonna do it differently, and that's a

1238
00:45:32,050 --> 00:45:33,730
whole other thing. And I think we've done

1239
00:45:33,730 --> 00:45:34,210
that episode.

1240
00:45:35,730 --> 00:45:38,159
Think But, yeah, it has... I I didn't

1241
00:45:39,015 --> 00:45:41,168
realize it at the time, and I don't

1242
00:45:41,168 --> 00:45:43,561
think I realized it till you've just said

1243
00:45:43,561 --> 00:45:45,396
something, but you doing that,

1244
00:45:46,684 --> 00:45:47,662
freed up

1245
00:45:48,196 --> 00:45:51,140
space in my brain. Mh. And so then

1246
00:45:51,299 --> 00:45:53,845
I can be a little internally motivated to

1247
00:45:53,845 --> 00:45:55,932
go work on inter sting to me projects.

1248
00:45:56,251 --> 00:45:57,390
Right. I can

1249
00:45:58,885 --> 00:46:02,237
maintain the whole air quote energy to get

1250
00:46:02,237 --> 00:46:04,088
up and go for a walk even when...

1251
00:46:04,567 --> 00:46:06,164
I mean, I've had this conversation with you

1252
00:46:06,164 --> 00:46:07,760
a few times. There have been days today

1253
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:09,197
would have been 1 of them. That if

1254
00:46:09,197 --> 00:46:10,794
this had been a me doing it thing

1255
00:46:10,794 --> 00:46:12,071
and you singing,

1256
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:14,476
this would have been a day I would

1257
00:46:14,476 --> 00:46:16,146
have gone nope can't do it roll and

1258
00:46:16,146 --> 00:46:18,556
go to sleep. With you as the motivating

1259
00:46:18,851 --> 00:46:21,180
factor for me, And all I have to

1260
00:46:21,180 --> 00:46:22,559
do is follow, there is something

1261
00:46:23,019 --> 00:46:23,519
so

1262
00:46:24,460 --> 00:46:27,599
just nice to me sometimes about

1263
00:46:27,914 --> 00:46:30,625
turn the brain off and just fucking follow

1264
00:46:30,625 --> 00:46:32,858
him. Okay? What he doing? He's not leading

1265
00:46:32,858 --> 00:46:35,090
me into anything dangerous? Well, I have had...

1266
00:46:35,410 --> 00:46:37,179
There's been doubts. We walk a very be

1267
00:46:37,179 --> 00:46:37,918
dark new

1268
00:46:38,453 --> 00:46:40,604
before the sun comes up. Yeah. And many,

1269
00:46:40,764 --> 00:46:42,516
a lot of the street lights do not

1270
00:46:42,516 --> 00:46:42,755
work.

1271
00:46:43,711 --> 00:46:45,623
And if he... If you were not walking

1272
00:46:45,623 --> 00:46:47,234
with me, I would not be it we

1273
00:46:47,234 --> 00:46:48,912
have this time. I would I would not

1274
00:46:48,912 --> 00:46:50,830
expect you to walk. But alone with that

1275
00:46:50,830 --> 00:46:52,428
hour of the month. But I may I

1276
00:46:52,428 --> 00:46:54,266
will truly get to just go just just

1277
00:46:54,266 --> 00:46:56,438
follow them. Just put your clothes on. And

1278
00:46:56,438 --> 00:46:57,634
keep... You can keep your head down if

1279
00:46:57,634 --> 00:46:59,705
you want. Just and it's a luxury to

1280
00:46:59,705 --> 00:47:01,799
kind of be able to turn my brain

1281
00:47:01,936 --> 00:47:04,104
off and not have to think about what

1282
00:47:04,104 --> 00:47:05,463
am I doing? Why am I doing it,

1283
00:47:05,622 --> 00:47:06,022
you know,

1284
00:47:07,141 --> 00:47:08,260
in the case of what I was saying

1285
00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:08,760
earlier

1286
00:47:09,298 --> 00:47:11,137
about the shame and guilt I have felt

1287
00:47:11,137 --> 00:47:13,945
for years about the need for... External motivation.

1288
00:47:14,184 --> 00:47:15,776
I wish I kinda I hadn't picked that

1289
00:47:15,776 --> 00:47:16,732
up apart yet. I wish I knew where

1290
00:47:16,732 --> 00:47:18,723
the fuck that came from? Like, what is

1291
00:47:18,723 --> 00:47:21,351
it in society or just in my upbringing

1292
00:47:21,351 --> 00:47:23,460
the taught me that somehow

1293
00:47:24,874 --> 00:47:27,984
getting a push from outside is an air,

1294
00:47:28,382 --> 00:47:30,829
inherently wrong and bad and you're weak or

1295
00:47:31,108 --> 00:47:33,650
you know, you suck. Right? Like, none of

1296
00:47:33,650 --> 00:47:34,841
that is fucking true,

1297
00:47:35,398 --> 00:47:38,201
and it actually makes me happy as you're

1298
00:47:38,337 --> 00:47:38,813
submissive,

1299
00:47:39,465 --> 00:47:41,885
to just fucking follow you sometimes.

1300
00:47:42,744 --> 00:47:44,824
Right? Like, I just I just gotta do

1301
00:47:44,824 --> 00:47:46,744
what, my daddy says, and life is good

1302
00:47:46,744 --> 00:47:48,920
right now And that is enough of a

1303
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:50,280
motivator for. Now, I do not...

1304
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:52,920
Outside of this the context of this conversation.

1305
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:54,920
I don't think of it in those terms.

1306
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:56,974
I think of it as as

1307
00:47:57,413 --> 00:47:58,769
I just get to be my study self,

1308
00:47:59,009 --> 00:47:59,806
turn off brain,

1309
00:48:00,444 --> 00:48:02,837
you know, move body, just what what he

1310
00:48:02,837 --> 00:48:04,113
wants you to do? You just do it.

1311
00:48:04,352 --> 00:48:06,187
Right? Yeah. And then I know for a

1312
00:48:06,187 --> 00:48:08,698
lot of submissive, that can be a very

1313
00:48:09,157 --> 00:48:11,634
relaxing freeing, comforting, pick your word,

1314
00:48:12,353 --> 00:48:14,751
feeling to finally go, oh, You mean, I

1315
00:48:14,751 --> 00:48:16,123
don't have to worry about this. I don't

1316
00:48:16,123 --> 00:48:18,596
have to think about this. In in this

1317
00:48:18,596 --> 00:48:20,989
case, our main example being our Stupid walks

1318
00:48:20,989 --> 00:48:22,025
or our stupid mental health.

1319
00:48:23,302 --> 00:48:25,078
I don't have to

1320
00:48:26,505 --> 00:48:28,731
convince myself every day that I ought to

1321
00:48:28,731 --> 00:48:29,605
be doing this.

1322
00:48:30,321 --> 00:48:33,263
I don't have to find the external motivation

1323
00:48:33,263 --> 00:48:35,192
for myself. I don't have to find or

1324
00:48:35,192 --> 00:48:37,027
pretend to find the internal motivation for it,

1325
00:48:37,267 --> 00:48:38,864
and I don't have to have the mean

1326
00:48:38,864 --> 00:48:40,061
girl voice in my head,

1327
00:48:40,620 --> 00:48:42,456
making me feel bad when I don't wanna

1328
00:48:42,456 --> 00:48:43,829
do it. I literally... Get to shut all

1329
00:48:43,829 --> 00:48:46,306
that dot off. Mh. And just do what

1330
00:48:46,386 --> 00:48:46,945
Daddy says.

1331
00:48:48,543 --> 00:48:50,482
Now. That does not work. We're.

1332
00:48:51,260 --> 00:48:51,500
Yeah.

1333
00:48:53,033 --> 00:48:54,892
But when it works, it

1334
00:48:55,351 --> 00:48:55,851
is

1335
00:48:56,310 --> 00:48:56,810
fucking

1336
00:48:57,189 --> 00:48:59,427
amazing. And it... And it's only amazing because

1337
00:48:59,427 --> 00:49:01,345
we're sitting here picking it apart. In the

1338
00:49:01,345 --> 00:49:03,981
moment, in, I'm just not as stressed. I'm

1339
00:49:03,981 --> 00:49:06,442
not as cranky. I'm not as what I'm

1340
00:49:06,442 --> 00:49:08,030
just like, look at me, I did the

1341
00:49:08,030 --> 00:49:10,704
thing. You know fold the fucking sheets. When

1342
00:49:11,063 --> 00:49:12,338
you did say have to do that before

1343
00:49:12,338 --> 00:49:13,773
we go to Cancel. Right? Do I remember

1344
00:49:13,773 --> 00:49:16,484
that correctly duck thing is I've gotten older,

1345
00:49:16,802 --> 00:49:18,715
and life has shifted and changed, and I...

1346
00:49:19,288 --> 00:49:21,038
Just to handle life differently than I once

1347
00:49:21,038 --> 00:49:21,197
did.

1348
00:49:22,231 --> 00:49:24,561
I'm not ready to say that I'm un

1349
00:49:24,697 --> 00:49:25,197
mask,

1350
00:49:26,541 --> 00:49:28,287
because I'm still... But I I think that's

1351
00:49:28,287 --> 00:49:29,795
probably... For people who know what that term

1352
00:49:29,795 --> 00:49:32,257
is, it's probably something like that. So as

1353
00:49:32,257 --> 00:49:34,162
those changes have occurred,

1354
00:49:35,369 --> 00:49:37,385
I can no longer trust my memory

1355
00:49:38,481 --> 00:49:40,636
In a way I once could. Is it

1356
00:49:40,636 --> 00:49:43,190
perry probably? I don't know. It just 8.

1357
00:49:43,604 --> 00:49:45,759
I don't know. But man, the... This mind

1358
00:49:45,759 --> 00:49:48,154
is not a steel trap anymore. So that

1359
00:49:48,154 --> 00:49:48,713
is my...

1360
00:49:49,511 --> 00:49:51,985
That is another motivator I have to...

1361
00:49:52,638 --> 00:49:54,384
Not just a validation in the excitement and

1362
00:49:54,384 --> 00:49:55,733
the praise and the, you know,

1363
00:49:56,447 --> 00:49:56,947
exceeding

1364
00:49:57,558 --> 00:49:59,780
expectations because I was that kind of person

1365
00:49:59,780 --> 00:50:00,415
from childhood.

1366
00:50:01,050 --> 00:50:02,758
It's It's also the oh

1367
00:50:03,133 --> 00:50:05,121
shit. I will forget this existed And I...

1368
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,429
If I get it done now, I can't

1369
00:50:07,429 --> 00:50:09,360
forget it. And then I can't get in

1370
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,680
trouble because ultimately what I want is to

1371
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:14,160
be a good sickness. I wanna be the

1372
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:16,000
kind of submissive that you and I both

1373
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,565
want me to be. You know? You, you

1374
00:50:18,565 --> 00:50:20,077
know, I don't think you want me to

1375
00:50:20,077 --> 00:50:21,827
be a specific type of submissive, but you

1376
00:50:21,827 --> 00:50:23,497
like the type of submissive I am most

1377
00:50:23,497 --> 00:50:23,895
of the time.

1378
00:50:24,710 --> 00:50:27,510
I on 4 times a not. Ra right.

1379
00:50:27,750 --> 00:50:29,190
I mean, it's, you know, if it was

1380
00:50:29,190 --> 00:50:31,269
not majority, then that'll be a problem.

1381
00:50:34,003 --> 00:50:34,876
So, you know,

1382
00:50:35,750 --> 00:50:37,179
there's that as well. I think it's a

1383
00:50:37,179 --> 00:50:37,418
very...

1384
00:50:38,212 --> 00:50:40,356
I think motivation in general is very complicated.

1385
00:50:40,595 --> 00:50:42,755
I I saw... I've already... Like, I'm not

1386
00:50:42,755 --> 00:50:44,027
looking at it, but I remember seeing in

1387
00:50:44,027 --> 00:50:45,140
the live chat? Me. So what are you

1388
00:50:45,140 --> 00:50:47,605
do You have no motivation, internal, external.

1389
00:50:48,559 --> 00:50:51,024
Sometimes you just get through day to day

1390
00:50:51,024 --> 00:50:54,373
and you just survive until whatever it is

1391
00:50:54,373 --> 00:50:57,570
you need for the motivation hits you. Person

1392
00:50:57,626 --> 00:51:01,377
or internal or paycheck or the con... Avoiding

1393
00:51:01,377 --> 00:51:02,973
the consequences Of I'm not doing a thing.

1394
00:51:03,213 --> 00:51:05,208
That's a motivator. That is a motivator.

1395
00:51:05,608 --> 00:51:08,082
It's not always the most helpful motivator.

1396
00:51:09,692 --> 00:51:11,679
I mean, is it some sometimes I wonder

1397
00:51:11,679 --> 00:51:13,190
too if it's a case of

1398
00:51:15,496 --> 00:51:17,007
you know, opposites a attract.

1399
00:51:17,739 --> 00:51:19,894
Sometimes. So to speak. Sometimes. I mean, I

1400
00:51:19,894 --> 00:51:21,570
don't I don't think that's a universal. I

1401
00:51:21,570 --> 00:51:23,246
mean, it's just stereotype tight because it Yeah.

1402
00:51:23,566 --> 00:51:26,120
Soon true for some people. Yeah. I want

1403
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:28,632
to... I mean, I'm very familiar with

1404
00:51:29,331 --> 00:51:29,831
external

1405
00:51:31,088 --> 00:51:33,166
motivation as a submissive. Is how I get

1406
00:51:33,166 --> 00:51:33,965
shit done as we have...

1407
00:51:34,778 --> 00:51:35,496
Clearly stated.

1408
00:51:36,134 --> 00:51:38,047
I would like to... And I guess we

1409
00:51:38,047 --> 00:51:40,382
have to do a thought experiment because somebody

1410
00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:43,231
named John Browns stone is very internally motivated.

1411
00:51:44,043 --> 00:51:45,655
But I can absolutely

1412
00:51:46,028 --> 00:51:48,911
imagine a dominant who would be externally motivated

1413
00:51:49,047 --> 00:51:50,953
by their power exchange. Like,

1414
00:51:52,780 --> 00:51:54,787
even if you can't real to external motivation.

1415
00:51:55,585 --> 00:51:57,661
Are there things you do?

1416
00:51:58,779 --> 00:52:01,094
In your relationship with me as a dominant

1417
00:52:01,094 --> 00:52:02,771
that if you are not the dominant of

1418
00:52:02,771 --> 00:52:04,465
me, like and I did not have the

1419
00:52:04,465 --> 00:52:05,825
needs I have as a submissive that you

1420
00:52:05,825 --> 00:52:07,985
just wouldn't do because they... They... There would

1421
00:52:07,985 --> 00:52:08,465
be no need.

1422
00:52:10,224 --> 00:52:14,074
Yeah. Right. So it is absolutely feasible to

1423
00:52:14,074 --> 00:52:15,606
me that some dominance

1424
00:52:16,059 --> 00:52:18,521
are doing it whatever that thing is as

1425
00:52:18,521 --> 00:52:19,315
a dominant. Mh.

1426
00:52:20,110 --> 00:52:21,404
Because they're submissive

1427
00:52:21,713 --> 00:52:24,579
needs them to. Not because an internal force

1428
00:52:24,579 --> 00:52:26,011
goes, we just do the thing and here

1429
00:52:26,011 --> 00:52:28,558
here's why. And however, you're fucking wired over

1430
00:52:28,558 --> 00:52:29,058
there

1431
00:52:29,369 --> 00:52:31,367
mister healthy 1 what the fuck at about.

1432
00:52:31,767 --> 00:52:33,765
You know, some people are gonna need the...

1433
00:52:34,564 --> 00:52:36,162
This is what my submissive needs and so

1434
00:52:36,322 --> 00:52:37,761
I'm going to provide it them. Mh. And

1435
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:38,720
I just, you know,

1436
00:52:39,690 --> 00:52:41,120
we've spent all this time talking about me

1437
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:42,892
as a submissive and hopefully 2 other.

1438
00:52:43,346 --> 00:52:46,048
Just wanna go dom, who need external motivation.

1439
00:52:46,286 --> 00:52:48,170
I see you. You are just as it

1440
00:52:48,288 --> 00:52:50,190
that motivation is just as valid as the

1441
00:52:50,190 --> 00:52:52,751
motivation I need. Right? Like, it's not

1442
00:52:54,074 --> 00:52:55,263
it is not wrong.

1443
00:52:56,791 --> 00:52:57,291
Or

1444
00:52:57,669 --> 00:52:58,887
inherently bad

1445
00:52:59,504 --> 00:53:02,829
to find your motivation from outside of yourself

1446
00:53:03,108 --> 00:53:05,653
from your power from your your kinky partner

1447
00:53:05,653 --> 00:53:08,755
from the activities and the routines and the

1448
00:53:08,755 --> 00:53:11,722
tasks and the pro call you negotiate within

1449
00:53:11,722 --> 00:53:14,599
your power exchange. Quite frankly for anybody out

1450
00:53:14,599 --> 00:53:15,238
there who's, like,

1451
00:53:16,277 --> 00:53:18,927
dealing with negotiating a power exchange or you're

1452
00:53:18,927 --> 00:53:19,882
shifting your power change,

1453
00:53:20,995 --> 00:53:23,779
let what externally motivates you guide you as

1454
00:53:23,779 --> 00:53:25,370
long as that can fit in a healthy

1455
00:53:25,370 --> 00:53:27,373
way? Like, if you are submissive up, there

1456
00:53:27,373 --> 00:53:28,883
who's like, oh, yeah. I'm gonna do more

1457
00:53:28,883 --> 00:53:30,632
of if my dom tells me to do

1458
00:53:30,632 --> 00:53:33,334
it. Even if my dom does not quote

1459
00:53:33,334 --> 00:53:35,338
need me to do it. They're That's where

1460
00:53:35,338 --> 00:53:38,047
that question got kinda hung They're dumb got

1461
00:53:38,047 --> 00:53:39,402
hung up. They're like, I don't need you

1462
00:53:39,402 --> 00:53:41,554
to fold your laundry. You need to fold

1463
00:53:41,554 --> 00:53:42,885
your laundry and that's... This it was like

1464
00:53:43,162 --> 00:53:44,509
I will do it if you tell me

1465
00:53:44,509 --> 00:53:45,777
to do it. Right. Right? Like, Yeah.

1466
00:53:46,807 --> 00:53:47,283
That... You know,

1467
00:53:47,996 --> 00:53:50,789
sometimes we need the motivation, not because because

1468
00:53:50,789 --> 00:53:54,005
you need something from us, but because it

1469
00:53:54,064 --> 00:53:56,082
it helps us as much as,

1470
00:53:56,461 --> 00:53:57,990
you know, we can help... If I'm a

1471
00:53:57,990 --> 00:54:00,768
better... If I'm feeling good as a human

1472
00:54:00,768 --> 00:54:03,228
being and a sickness, I'm a better sickness

1473
00:54:03,228 --> 00:54:05,864
submissive. Right? If you're feeling good as a

1474
00:54:05,864 --> 00:54:07,694
human making to dominant, you're a better dominant.

1475
00:54:07,853 --> 00:54:10,501
If some of that are. Feeling good

1476
00:54:10,876 --> 00:54:11,774
comes from

1477
00:54:12,387 --> 00:54:13,342
what your partner,

1478
00:54:13,994 --> 00:54:17,100
asks of you does for you needs from

1479
00:54:17,100 --> 00:54:17,339
you.

1480
00:54:18,693 --> 00:54:20,526
It's as long as everybody's kinda in on

1481
00:54:20,526 --> 00:54:22,916
it and understands what's going on. And it's

1482
00:54:22,916 --> 00:54:23,210
not

1483
00:54:25,003 --> 00:54:28,351
it's not using somebody without giving back in

1484
00:54:28,351 --> 00:54:29,489
return and rec,

1485
00:54:30,265 --> 00:54:31,755
not a 1 to 1. I, you don't

1486
00:54:31,874 --> 00:54:34,751
need me to motivate you. We've established that.

1487
00:54:35,310 --> 00:54:38,186
Okay. You do not need to hold up

1488
00:54:38,186 --> 00:54:40,199
my end of the power exchange board. And

1489
00:54:40,279 --> 00:54:42,354
Mh. And if I can't, you need me

1490
00:54:42,354 --> 00:54:45,787
to communicate that. That's enough of a swap.

1491
00:54:46,106 --> 00:54:48,123
Right? Mh. For me to be

1492
00:54:48,900 --> 00:54:50,371
come comfortable with and

1493
00:54:50,826 --> 00:54:51,882
grateful for

1494
00:54:52,258 --> 00:54:54,327
you as an external motivating. Mh. Because I'm

1495
00:54:54,327 --> 00:54:56,476
not asking you to do things you don't

1496
00:54:56,476 --> 00:54:59,674
wanna do wouldn't do otherwise are outside your

1497
00:54:59,674 --> 00:55:01,903
comfort level. I'm asking you to be my

1498
00:55:01,903 --> 00:55:04,609
dumb, and sometimes I'm telling you, hey, in

1499
00:55:04,609 --> 00:55:06,853
a very specific way. This is what I

1500
00:55:06,853 --> 00:55:09,343
need from you. That is no different than

1501
00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:11,789
negotiating any other thing about your Power exchange,

1502
00:55:11,948 --> 00:55:14,178
your kinks, your boundaries, your wants, your limits.

1503
00:55:14,496 --> 00:55:16,987
I would like this from you.

1504
00:55:18,106 --> 00:55:20,123
And it... Yes, it will serve as external

1505
00:55:20,422 --> 00:55:22,420
motivation. I understand that, but this is what

1506
00:55:22,579 --> 00:55:23,872
I I would like you as my dom

1507
00:55:23,872 --> 00:55:25,388
to do for me, will you do that?

1508
00:55:25,548 --> 00:55:27,943
If you agree to do it, then it's

1509
00:55:27,943 --> 00:55:28,762
a reciprocal

1510
00:55:29,220 --> 00:55:31,056
thing even though maybe what I'm getting out

1511
00:55:31,056 --> 00:55:31,295
of it.

1512
00:55:32,187 --> 00:55:34,420
Is beneficial in a way that you're not

1513
00:55:34,420 --> 00:55:36,094
benefiting from. Other than the fact that you're

1514
00:55:36,094 --> 00:55:39,124
benefiting from benefiting for me doing my shit,

1515
00:55:39,284 --> 00:55:40,892
the way you want me to do shit.

1516
00:55:41,130 --> 00:55:43,354
That's true. That's very true. For anybody who

1517
00:55:43,354 --> 00:55:45,419
gets hung up mh. On the...

1518
00:55:46,213 --> 00:55:47,881
Why should I do this? Why should I

1519
00:55:47,881 --> 00:55:48,358
ask them?

1520
00:55:49,072 --> 00:55:51,150
It's about your needs? I And as long

1521
00:55:51,150 --> 00:55:52,126
as your partner

1522
00:55:53,369 --> 00:55:56,064
consent to it, then... Mh. Then then you're

1523
00:55:56,064 --> 00:55:56,777
good. I... Yeah.

1524
00:55:57,903 --> 00:55:59,277
I got myself

1525
00:55:59,890 --> 00:56:00,390
all

1526
00:56:02,434 --> 00:56:04,501
hot and bothered. You got yourself in a

1527
00:56:04,580 --> 00:56:04,898
Ta.

1528
00:56:05,708 --> 00:56:07,534
So I did see Tissue say something in

1529
00:56:07,534 --> 00:56:09,440
live chat. Mh. That if you work from

1530
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:11,664
home and get work done, he met he

1531
00:56:11,664 --> 00:56:14,363
said extra he met internally motivated. Here's the

1532
00:56:14,363 --> 00:56:16,450
thing. For the most part, I would agree

1533
00:56:16,450 --> 00:56:18,385
with that. Mh. But also,

1534
00:56:18,763 --> 00:56:20,039
if I pick it apart,

1535
00:56:20,756 --> 00:56:23,389
I'm not... Sometimes I'm doing shit because it's

1536
00:56:23,389 --> 00:56:24,998
important to me reaching the goals is important

1537
00:56:24,998 --> 00:56:26,192
to me, you know,

1538
00:56:27,306 --> 00:56:29,614
hitting a certain number that we've said, doing

1539
00:56:29,614 --> 00:56:32,264
a certain thing. That's important to me. But

1540
00:56:32,893 --> 00:56:33,711
I'm motivated

1541
00:56:34,086 --> 00:56:34,586
by

1542
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:35,916
the money.

1543
00:56:37,029 --> 00:56:37,268
Well,

1544
00:56:38,143 --> 00:56:39,986
I mean, I... That's kind of it's... Star.

1545
00:56:40,304 --> 00:56:41,969
III think I... You know,

1546
00:56:42,683 --> 00:56:45,143
I I think that's kind of AAA given

1547
00:56:45,143 --> 00:56:46,253
for most everybody.

1548
00:56:46,903 --> 00:56:48,574
You know, You like to have a roof

1549
00:56:48,574 --> 00:56:50,085
over head, you like to have, you know,

1550
00:56:50,244 --> 00:56:52,233
food on the table and True. But when

1551
00:56:52,233 --> 00:56:54,062
you own your own business and you have

1552
00:56:54,062 --> 00:56:54,460
to do...

1553
00:56:55,747 --> 00:56:56,247
Everything.

1554
00:56:57,418 --> 00:56:59,510
I think it's okay to go

1555
00:57:00,203 --> 00:57:02,670
part of the motivating factor external to me.

1556
00:57:02,924 --> 00:57:04,835
Because we can't control who buys how much

1557
00:57:04,835 --> 00:57:06,666
what they buy how much it's spend. We

1558
00:57:06,666 --> 00:57:08,258
can only do our... We can only do

1559
00:57:08,258 --> 00:57:09,850
something that we care about and enjoy. That's

1560
00:57:09,850 --> 00:57:12,516
the internal motivation we want to be making

1561
00:57:12,654 --> 00:57:15,047
kinky toys. We love what we do. That's

1562
00:57:15,047 --> 00:57:17,439
our internal motivation. But on the dates.

1563
00:57:18,476 --> 00:57:20,470
When I would rather sit my ass on,

1564
00:57:20,643 --> 00:57:22,072
a couch and doom scroll.

1565
00:57:22,707 --> 00:57:24,533
The thing that is getting me up is

1566
00:57:24,533 --> 00:57:25,247
not internal.

1567
00:57:26,438 --> 00:57:28,661
It might be John Brad and it's time

1568
00:57:28,661 --> 00:57:29,867
to go to work with a what are

1569
00:57:29,867 --> 00:57:31,297
you still doing here?

1570
00:57:32,012 --> 00:57:33,760
There there been a few times. You, you,

1571
00:57:33,839 --> 00:57:35,905
you know, during the day, I hear my

1572
00:57:35,905 --> 00:57:37,574
phone being, and I know the sound of...

1573
00:57:38,130 --> 00:57:38,945
What of of

1574
00:57:39,505 --> 00:57:39,744
Instagram.

1575
00:57:40,785 --> 00:57:42,545
And I'm very tempted. You know,

1576
00:57:43,585 --> 00:57:45,344
I'm in the middle of doing something, but

1577
00:57:45,425 --> 00:57:47,505
I'm very tempted sometimes to pick up before

1578
00:57:47,505 --> 00:57:49,433
that aren't you supposed to be working? So

1579
00:57:49,433 --> 00:57:50,948
here's it's funny. Let me tell you about

1580
00:57:50,948 --> 00:57:52,941
my mark method. When I have to do

1581
00:57:52,941 --> 00:57:55,332
something tedious. I y'all.

1582
00:57:55,970 --> 00:57:57,175
Aren't I think I made this clear earlier.

1583
00:57:57,414 --> 00:57:59,001
I fucking bribe myself.

1584
00:57:59,716 --> 00:58:01,859
Now some days, I let myself get distracted

1585
00:58:01,859 --> 00:58:03,209
by my phone, and I just scroll and

1586
00:58:03,209 --> 00:58:04,733
scroll and then I'm... Like, got that mean

1587
00:58:04,733 --> 00:58:06,082
girl voice in my I head about, oh,

1588
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:07,510
you suck. Well, I mean,

1589
00:58:08,463 --> 00:58:08,860
more than...

1590
00:58:09,653 --> 00:58:10,923
Less than it used to be more than

1591
00:58:10,923 --> 00:58:11,638
it. Yeah.

1592
00:58:12,352 --> 00:58:14,514
But, like sometimes I bribe myself, and I

1593
00:58:14,514 --> 00:58:16,502
go look. If you go do that thing

1594
00:58:16,502 --> 00:58:18,569
that you're you don't wanna fucking do. Just

1595
00:58:18,569 --> 00:58:21,137
go do it. Mh. You're allowed to have

1596
00:58:21,909 --> 00:58:22,466
number minutes.

1597
00:58:23,356 --> 00:58:24,549
To just look at your phone.

1598
00:58:25,344 --> 00:58:27,492
Now, the hard part, and this is where

1599
00:58:27,492 --> 00:58:29,640
this is where internal motivation comes from because

1600
00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:31,728
it's not truly 1 or the other, someone's

1601
00:58:31,728 --> 00:58:33,722
that's probably both is then I have to

1602
00:58:33,722 --> 00:58:35,876
be the 1 to stop myself. I go,

1603
00:58:36,036 --> 00:58:38,189
okay. Oh excuse me? You cannot scroll for

1604
00:58:38,189 --> 00:58:40,119
an hour then it's not how you get

1605
00:58:40,119 --> 00:58:42,037
worked done. But, you know, here's... That's the

1606
00:58:42,037 --> 00:58:42,197
thing.

1607
00:58:43,795 --> 00:58:45,393
When I worked for somebody else,

1608
00:58:46,432 --> 00:58:48,270
unless I had something that had to be...

1609
00:58:49,244 --> 00:58:52,194
Delivered done completed by a date. I could

1610
00:58:52,194 --> 00:58:54,347
dick around all I wanted the the motivator

1611
00:58:54,347 --> 00:58:55,703
to get me there Got me there in

1612
00:58:55,703 --> 00:58:57,697
the morning, but there was no internal motivation

1613
00:58:57,697 --> 00:59:00,175
to keep working, that still occurs as I

1614
00:59:00,175 --> 00:59:02,476
work from home for myself. There are days

1615
00:59:02,476 --> 00:59:04,380
when I'm like, I wish I was I

1616
00:59:04,380 --> 00:59:05,984
was a corporate person again who could... Just

1617
00:59:05,984 --> 00:59:08,059
dick. Well, you know, So I just dick.

1618
00:59:08,539 --> 00:59:10,475
The big the big difference is

1619
00:59:11,891 --> 00:59:13,568
if you if you have a job that

1620
00:59:13,568 --> 00:59:14,206
you go to.

1621
00:59:14,845 --> 00:59:16,777
And and this is not a hundred percent

1622
00:59:16,777 --> 00:59:17,417
always the case.

1623
00:59:18,056 --> 00:59:19,414
But if you have a job that you

1624
00:59:19,414 --> 00:59:21,332
go to. You go to your job and

1625
00:59:21,332 --> 00:59:23,170
you perform a particular function,

1626
00:59:23,743 --> 00:59:25,650
that then is a part,

1627
00:59:26,682 --> 00:59:29,384
you know, and everybody else is performing their

1628
00:59:29,384 --> 00:59:29,884
function

1629
00:59:30,909 --> 00:59:32,823
Okay? And then everything comes together, whatever, you

1630
00:59:32,823 --> 00:59:35,854
know, service or or or good you're producing.

1631
00:59:37,210 --> 00:59:38,566
But when you go to that job,

1632
00:59:39,204 --> 00:59:40,661
usually, you're not doing

1633
00:59:41,052 --> 00:59:43,359
everything. You're performing a function.

1634
00:59:44,314 --> 00:59:44,393
Yes.

1635
00:59:45,427 --> 00:59:47,710
Now here we are self employed sure

1636
00:59:49,344 --> 00:59:50,642
We do all the.

1637
00:59:51,179 --> 00:59:52,934
Right. And or we go, well we can't

1638
00:59:52,934 --> 00:59:54,369
do that function because we do not have

1639
00:59:54,369 --> 00:59:56,204
the skill for that function or the budget.

1640
00:59:56,523 --> 00:59:58,215
But, I mean, the the...

1641
00:59:59,655 --> 01:00:00,934
There are plenty of us who...

1642
01:00:01,494 --> 01:00:03,255
However you work, you have a day where

1643
01:00:03,255 --> 01:00:03,574
you go.

1644
01:00:04,855 --> 01:00:07,264
I'm just I'm just passing time. I'm just

1645
01:00:07,264 --> 01:00:09,577
passing time. I'm not actually doing anything. See

1646
01:00:09,577 --> 01:00:11,571
what what take happens to home too. Yeah.

1647
01:00:11,731 --> 01:00:13,086
This might be I mean what what Tissue

1648
01:00:13,086 --> 01:00:14,144
just said it

1649
01:00:14,681 --> 01:00:16,694
kinda hits. The nail on the head. The

1650
01:00:16,694 --> 01:00:18,795
money is the external reward

1651
01:00:19,335 --> 01:00:20,554
for the internal

1652
01:00:21,734 --> 01:00:23,269
motivation. I think for some of us. Yes.

1653
01:00:23,428 --> 01:00:25,416
And I think even for myself much of

1654
01:00:25,416 --> 01:00:26,529
the time. But there are...

1655
01:00:27,244 --> 01:00:28,619
I have I have

1656
01:00:29,074 --> 01:00:30,823
I have done a thing I hated just

1657
01:00:30,823 --> 01:00:32,811
for the paycheck. To me, I'm gonna call

1658
01:00:32,811 --> 01:00:35,535
that journal motivation. Yeah. I think it's parsing,

1659
01:00:36,253 --> 01:00:38,404
you know, it's semantics at a certain point.

1660
01:00:39,042 --> 01:00:40,929
If you feel like the motivation is coming

1661
01:00:41,684 --> 01:00:43,829
from within the call is coming from inside

1662
01:00:43,829 --> 01:00:45,100
the house. It is.

1663
01:00:45,974 --> 01:00:47,325
I don't I don't... It doesn't have to

1664
01:00:47,325 --> 01:00:49,089
be the same for me. I don't have

1665
01:00:49,089 --> 01:00:50,840
to see it that way. It is. If

1666
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:53,068
for you, that is internal, it's internal. If

1667
01:00:53,068 --> 01:00:54,899
for you, it's external and you're, like, in,

1668
01:00:55,058 --> 01:00:56,650
I don't really see it coming from inside

1669
01:00:56,650 --> 01:00:59,617
me, but, you know, payday. Every Friday got

1670
01:00:59,617 --> 01:01:01,056
a nice. Mh.

1671
01:01:01,455 --> 01:01:04,891
It is. Like, however, you know, however, it

1672
01:01:04,891 --> 01:01:08,262
feels to you is I just know myself

1673
01:01:08,262 --> 01:01:10,020
well enough to know that, yes. There are

1674
01:01:10,020 --> 01:01:12,416
absolutely things. I just fucking do because they're

1675
01:01:12,416 --> 01:01:13,670
important to me, and I wanna get them

1676
01:01:13,709 --> 01:01:14,906
done and I don't need anybody to tell

1677
01:01:14,906 --> 01:01:16,262
me to do it. I don't need a

1678
01:01:16,262 --> 01:01:18,814
air quote reward or a result for it.

1679
01:01:19,053 --> 01:01:20,909
I'm just fucking doing it for

1680
01:01:21,765 --> 01:01:24,092
my own reasons, and I'll get myself going

1681
01:01:24,092 --> 01:01:26,399
and quite frankly, motherhood. You know?

1682
01:01:27,115 --> 01:01:29,103
Like, like, that we know... We all know

1683
01:01:29,103 --> 01:01:31,268
shitty parents exist out there so cool clearly,

1684
01:01:31,427 --> 01:01:33,820
there are people who are not motivated to,

1685
01:01:33,979 --> 01:01:35,096
like, try and do right with their kids.

1686
01:01:35,733 --> 01:01:37,408
I do the things I do for my

1687
01:01:37,408 --> 01:01:39,880
kids not because of external motivation. I do

1688
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:39,960
it.

1689
01:01:40,932 --> 01:01:43,726
It... That's internal. The... A lot of the

1690
01:01:43,726 --> 01:01:45,800
things I do for work in business. A

1691
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:47,795
lot of them are internal.

1692
01:01:48,450 --> 01:01:49,510
But I am

1693
01:01:49,809 --> 01:01:52,450
becoming more comfortable with admitting than a lot

1694
01:01:52,450 --> 01:01:53,750
of fucking should I do

1695
01:01:54,289 --> 01:01:57,010
requires and is because of some level of

1696
01:01:57,010 --> 01:01:59,335
external motivation there. Plenty of things I would

1697
01:01:59,335 --> 01:02:02,200
never do if there wasn't something from outside.

1698
01:02:02,518 --> 01:02:04,132
I mean, you you talk about,

1699
01:02:04,826 --> 01:02:06,201
you know, how I have

1700
01:02:07,786 --> 01:02:08,742
internal motivation.

1701
01:02:09,618 --> 01:02:09,857
Okay?

1702
01:02:10,654 --> 01:02:11,154
But

1703
01:02:12,008 --> 01:02:12,986
there are

1704
01:02:14,894 --> 01:02:16,275
things that externally

1705
01:02:17,375 --> 01:02:17,855
affect that.

1706
01:02:18,414 --> 01:02:19,375
Sure. Alright.

1707
01:02:20,175 --> 01:02:22,114
Because part of my internal

1708
01:02:22,574 --> 01:02:23,074
motivation

1709
01:02:23,388 --> 01:02:25,082
is driven by

1710
01:02:25,696 --> 01:02:26,912
the responsibility

1711
01:02:27,446 --> 01:02:29,674
of, oh, I have a family take care

1712
01:02:29,674 --> 01:02:31,425
of. Sure. I have a home to take

1713
01:02:31,425 --> 01:02:32,221
care of. Mh.

1714
01:02:32,871 --> 01:02:35,512
Alright? You know? So all all those things

1715
01:02:35,568 --> 01:02:37,733
kinda... You know, and if I don't do

1716
01:02:38,423 --> 01:02:39,534
what I'm supposed to do.

1717
01:02:41,139 --> 01:02:43,454
Then... Here's what that tells me, and here's

1718
01:02:43,454 --> 01:02:45,050
what I think we're getting at without saying

1719
01:02:45,050 --> 01:02:47,286
it. The whole fucking thing is more nuanced

1720
01:02:47,286 --> 01:02:49,121
than a black or white, yes or no,

1721
01:02:49,281 --> 01:02:49,781
binary,

1722
01:02:50,414 --> 01:02:51,454
internal external.

1723
01:02:52,015 --> 01:02:52,994
Plenty of things

1724
01:02:53,295 --> 01:02:56,095
require both. Yeah. Or work when you have

1725
01:02:56,095 --> 01:02:59,627
both or allow you to have both, Right?

1726
01:02:59,865 --> 01:03:02,805
No, like, when I start... When I just

1727
01:03:02,805 --> 01:03:04,552
get up, and I start working on some

1728
01:03:04,552 --> 01:03:06,952
tedious thing in the business that... If I

1729
01:03:06,952 --> 01:03:08,544
had my brothers, I would not do.

1730
01:03:10,216 --> 01:03:12,764
And I do it without thinking about the

1731
01:03:12,764 --> 01:03:14,458
outcome of this is money or

1732
01:03:14,848 --> 01:03:16,835
the, you know, my daddy told me to,

1733
01:03:16,994 --> 01:03:18,106
and I just go this needs to be

1734
01:03:18,106 --> 01:03:20,092
done and I do it. That is internal.

1735
01:03:20,887 --> 01:03:21,387
However,

1736
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:23,032
when I get bored,

1737
01:03:23,524 --> 01:03:26,179
and I mentally wander off and start scrolling

1738
01:03:26,955 --> 01:03:29,189
Instagram and sharing 85 reels a minute with

1739
01:03:29,189 --> 01:03:32,153
you, and I get the... Baby girl. That

1740
01:03:32,153 --> 01:03:34,223
is... And I put my fucking phone down

1741
01:03:34,223 --> 01:03:35,916
and get back to work. That is external

1742
01:03:35,974 --> 01:03:37,907
motivation, and it's all happening at the same

1743
01:03:38,123 --> 01:03:39,914
time. Right. I I think

1744
01:03:40,772 --> 01:03:42,310
it is something that is so

1745
01:03:42,769 --> 01:03:44,287
intertwined. Yes. I agree.

1746
01:03:45,485 --> 01:03:47,807
For the comp... Conversation today because as usual,

1747
01:03:47,965 --> 01:03:49,791
we're getting into the weeds. Because they like

1748
01:03:49,791 --> 01:03:50,585
to be in the weeds.

1749
01:03:52,253 --> 01:03:55,244
It's more of a simplifying the idea of

1750
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:58,295
external motivation for Kingston,

1751
01:03:59,088 --> 01:04:01,726
especially those who think that somehow

1752
01:04:02,829 --> 01:04:05,250
they... Air quote this should not need

1753
01:04:05,630 --> 01:04:06,130
an

1754
01:04:06,429 --> 01:04:10,030
outside influence on their motivation who feel bad

1755
01:04:10,030 --> 01:04:11,960
because they only do something because they're wanted

1756
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:13,650
them to do it or a dumb, who

1757
01:04:13,784 --> 01:04:17,114
somehow feels bad, guilty whatever whatever for only

1758
01:04:17,114 --> 01:04:18,010
doing something

1759
01:04:18,778 --> 01:04:20,703
because I'm you know, they they said they'd

1760
01:04:20,703 --> 01:04:22,058
do it for their submissive, it's part of

1761
01:04:22,058 --> 01:04:24,209
the power. And without that, they wouldn't do

1762
01:04:24,209 --> 01:04:24,369
it.

1763
01:04:25,085 --> 01:04:25,962
Plenty of people,

1764
01:04:26,853 --> 01:04:28,047
Probably I don't feel bad at all. They

1765
01:04:28,047 --> 01:04:29,559
just kinda go about their... They don't even

1766
01:04:29,559 --> 01:04:30,833
think about it that fucking hard.

1767
01:04:31,549 --> 01:04:34,437
But because I think Kinks are in a

1768
01:04:34,494 --> 01:04:36,268
unique position when

1769
01:04:36,977 --> 01:04:40,404
The communication is flowing and doing well where

1770
01:04:40,404 --> 01:04:43,273
we start talking about the why of stuff.

1771
01:04:43,592 --> 01:04:46,387
Right? Is especially if you're negotiating your Power

1772
01:04:46,387 --> 01:04:48,371
exchange, and I'll speak from the perspective of

1773
01:04:48,371 --> 01:04:50,593
a submissive, and I ask you to do

1774
01:04:50,593 --> 01:04:52,656
something for me or to help me with

1775
01:04:52,656 --> 01:04:55,932
some thing or to oversee something that you

1776
01:04:55,932 --> 01:04:58,955
would never normally even consider. 1 of your

1777
01:04:58,955 --> 01:05:00,877
questions is most likely gonna be okay. What's

1778
01:05:00,877 --> 01:05:02,625
this about? Tell me more. Help me understand.

1779
01:05:02,863 --> 01:05:04,293
Right. And then I am in the position

1780
01:05:04,293 --> 01:05:06,199
of trying to explain to you why I,

1781
01:05:06,358 --> 01:05:07,787
a grown ass woman.

1782
01:05:08,598 --> 01:05:10,215
Needs to be told

1783
01:05:10,751 --> 01:05:12,505
to fold the sheets. Right? Like,

1784
01:05:13,143 --> 01:05:15,297
you there are plenty of us who will

1785
01:05:15,297 --> 01:05:16,515
feel a little

1786
01:05:17,211 --> 01:05:17,450
silly.

1787
01:05:18,102 --> 01:05:20,171
Foolish childish, pick a word. I don't know.

1788
01:05:20,490 --> 01:05:23,992
Mh. Because we... There's societal, usually.

1789
01:05:24,548 --> 01:05:26,936
Culturally, we have been taught. We've gotten a

1790
01:05:26,936 --> 01:05:27,929
message somehow.

1791
01:05:28,783 --> 01:05:30,933
That we should just do shit we're supposed

1792
01:05:30,933 --> 01:05:31,969
to do that we know we're supposed do.

1793
01:05:32,128 --> 01:05:33,960
And, yeah, that would be lovely, but sometimes

1794
01:05:33,960 --> 01:05:36,292
it's hard and power exchange

1795
01:05:36,684 --> 01:05:39,159
gives you the opportunity to actually create the

1796
01:05:39,159 --> 01:05:41,973
dynamic where you can get that need fulfilled

1797
01:05:42,511 --> 01:05:44,108
without the guilt and the shame and the

1798
01:05:44,108 --> 01:05:47,152
the mean self talk that pushes you to

1799
01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:48,824
finally do a thing you're supposed to do

1800
01:05:48,824 --> 01:05:50,417
or to just feel like shit when you

1801
01:05:50,417 --> 01:05:51,452
look around it, your life and you're like,

1802
01:05:51,532 --> 01:05:53,045
there's all things I know I need to

1803
01:05:53,045 --> 01:05:54,182
do, and I just

1804
01:05:54,810 --> 01:05:55,207
can't.

1805
01:05:56,002 --> 01:05:57,693
And the just can't

1806
01:05:58,226 --> 01:06:00,370
comes from so many different reasons, and so

1807
01:06:00,370 --> 01:06:00,870
many

1808
01:06:01,323 --> 01:06:02,489
places and so many,

1809
01:06:03,245 --> 01:06:06,507
and not everybody will understand why that simple

1810
01:06:06,507 --> 01:06:07,541
task to you,

1811
01:06:08,336 --> 01:06:11,144
I struggle with Right? And I know that

1812
01:06:11,144 --> 01:06:13,065
you get confused you're like, what, are you

1813
01:06:13,065 --> 01:06:14,824
just... Just fucking fold them. Why is this

1814
01:06:14,824 --> 01:06:17,625
so hard? Well, we could go through a

1815
01:06:17,625 --> 01:06:20,031
cycle analysis. Of my mind if you'd like,

1816
01:06:20,190 --> 01:06:22,178
but how about we simplify this And I

1817
01:06:22,178 --> 01:06:24,484
just tell you I need this. I need

1818
01:06:24,484 --> 01:06:26,154
the push. I need the push. I need

1819
01:06:26,154 --> 01:06:27,862
the the outs side accountability,

1820
01:06:28,395 --> 01:06:30,303
I need. If you'll just tell me to

1821
01:06:30,303 --> 01:06:30,621
do it,

1822
01:06:31,973 --> 01:06:32,847
I'll do it faster.

1823
01:06:33,722 --> 01:06:36,400
And owning that for yourself, side

1824
01:06:37,794 --> 01:06:40,445
without judgment and shame and apologizing

1825
01:06:40,821 --> 01:06:42,096
for it, and just going on. This is

1826
01:06:42,096 --> 01:06:43,928
what I need to be a better submissive.

1827
01:06:44,088 --> 01:06:45,282
This is what I need to be a

1828
01:06:45,282 --> 01:06:46,893
better dominant. This is what I need to

1829
01:06:46,893 --> 01:06:47,393
be

1830
01:06:47,773 --> 01:06:50,650
a Gangster who just, like, does basic life

1831
01:06:50,650 --> 01:06:52,328
things a little easier.

1832
01:06:53,127 --> 01:06:55,958
You know, that's valid. That's legit. What and

1833
01:06:56,092 --> 01:06:59,186
that's why to me the conversation becomes important.

1834
01:06:59,503 --> 01:07:00,852
Because of that question we got from somebody

1835
01:07:00,852 --> 01:07:02,121
way. Lola agrees.

1836
01:07:04,534 --> 01:07:06,295
Because of that question we got from somebody

1837
01:07:06,295 --> 01:07:09,255
who was feeling bad that they did better

1838
01:07:09,255 --> 01:07:10,855
when their dominant just told them what to

1839
01:07:10,855 --> 01:07:13,766
do. And they're dominant couldn't understand

1840
01:07:14,224 --> 01:07:15,900
the need. In that case, if I recall

1841
01:07:15,900 --> 01:07:17,417
the, I wish I could remember what fucking

1842
01:07:17,417 --> 01:07:19,094
episode it was. It was 1 of the

1843
01:07:19,173 --> 01:07:20,451
Q and a. I know, but I couldn't

1844
01:07:20,451 --> 01:07:21,822
find it when I looked my notes. And

1845
01:07:21,822 --> 01:07:22,936
so I don't know which 1 it is.

1846
01:07:23,573 --> 01:07:25,403
My point is is that... That's fairly recent.

1847
01:07:25,722 --> 01:07:28,588
In the conversation we had about it, our

1848
01:07:28,588 --> 01:07:31,225
advice was through shift the language you're using

1849
01:07:31,225 --> 01:07:33,450
because the dominant got stuck on, well, I

1850
01:07:33,450 --> 01:07:35,436
don't need you to do this. Mh. And

1851
01:07:35,436 --> 01:07:37,625
that is a thing that I think

1852
01:07:38,164 --> 01:07:39,144
dominance probably

1853
01:07:40,724 --> 01:07:42,724
newer dominance probably need time to get comfortable

1854
01:07:42,724 --> 01:07:44,025
with is not everything

1855
01:07:44,485 --> 01:07:44,985
that

1856
01:07:46,576 --> 01:07:48,587
you want a submissive to do

1857
01:07:49,041 --> 01:07:50,416
necessarily has to

1858
01:07:51,030 --> 01:07:53,751
take care of your the dominant your needs.

1859
01:07:54,070 --> 01:07:56,540
Sometimes it's about what the submissive need. Yeah.

1860
01:07:57,177 --> 01:07:59,487
You know? And I think that gets lost

1861
01:07:59,487 --> 01:08:01,413
to. That could be a whole conversation. You

1862
01:08:01,413 --> 01:08:01,572
know?

1863
01:08:02,844 --> 01:08:03,344
Absolutely.

1864
01:08:03,719 --> 01:08:05,706
So that's why it's been on my mind

1865
01:08:05,706 --> 01:08:08,331
because man, I resonated with that, and I've

1866
01:08:08,331 --> 01:08:09,785
dealt with all of my own

1867
01:08:10,414 --> 01:08:13,215
tough feelings about that and how wrong I

1868
01:08:13,215 --> 01:08:16,734
have felt how bad I felt Lola agrees.

1869
01:08:18,095 --> 01:08:19,395
And so, yeah, I think

1870
01:08:19,789 --> 01:08:21,309
worth the conversation, but I do think it's

1871
01:08:21,309 --> 01:08:24,349
very complex. It's not an always either or.

1872
01:08:24,829 --> 01:08:25,329
Sometimes

1873
01:08:25,949 --> 01:08:27,149
it's both. Yeah.

1874
01:08:27,949 --> 01:08:28,324
So

1875
01:08:29,082 --> 01:08:31,895
Mh. I gave myself a headache with that

1876
01:08:33,629 --> 01:08:36,362
I have, like a little bit of AT3

1877
01:08:36,580 --> 01:08:38,310
temp but not the temple of my eyebrow

1878
01:08:38,429 --> 01:08:38,828
right here.

1879
01:08:39,704 --> 01:08:42,891
Maybe... No. That's temple. Before the head region.

1880
01:08:44,246 --> 01:08:46,414
So I have ran out of steam. Is

1881
01:08:46,414 --> 01:08:47,774
there anything else you would like to ask?

1882
01:08:48,015 --> 01:08:49,375
I don't think so just people You ever

1883
01:08:49,375 --> 01:08:51,534
here going. I don't understand external motivation. I

1884
01:08:51,534 --> 01:08:52,654
just I think I need to do a

1885
01:08:52,654 --> 01:08:53,989
thing and I just go do it and

1886
01:08:54,267 --> 01:08:56,407
I see some me. I see something that

1887
01:08:56,407 --> 01:08:57,438
needs to be done and I do it.

1888
01:08:57,676 --> 01:08:59,894
And I am grateful for you. More shit

1889
01:08:59,894 --> 01:09:02,527
gets done around here because for like that.

1890
01:09:03,877 --> 01:09:04,909
And then I...

1891
01:09:06,975 --> 01:09:08,166
Yep. I know Lola.

1892
01:09:08,881 --> 01:09:11,756
I, you know what? Sometimes motivate when I

1893
01:09:11,756 --> 01:09:12,494
see you just

1894
01:09:12,949 --> 01:09:14,063
taking care of shit the needs to be

1895
01:09:14,063 --> 01:09:16,449
done. I feel I feel guilty that you're

1896
01:09:16,449 --> 01:09:17,802
over there doing it. And so I'm like,

1897
01:09:17,881 --> 01:09:19,154
oh, let me get my let me get

1898
01:09:19,154 --> 01:09:20,761
my lazy, butt I let's go do it.

1899
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:24,430
Now I... I've heard this. I have internalized

1900
01:09:24,430 --> 01:09:25,489
this, not everybody

1901
01:09:27,143 --> 01:09:29,136
Right, Lowell, And Everybody will agree with this.

1902
01:09:30,987 --> 01:09:33,959
But a lot of people that I have

1903
01:09:34,735 --> 01:09:37,926
observed, talk to interacted with red, whatever, whatever

1904
01:09:37,926 --> 01:09:41,127
they've put content out that talk about needing

1905
01:09:41,127 --> 01:09:42,480
external motivation or talk about.

1906
01:09:43,832 --> 01:09:44,230
Mh.

1907
01:09:44,946 --> 01:09:45,446
Executive

1908
01:09:45,980 --> 01:09:46,480
dysfunction

1909
01:09:47,108 --> 01:09:48,560
often call themselves

1910
01:09:49,013 --> 01:09:51,315
lazy. Right? And I've done that when I'm

1911
01:09:51,315 --> 01:09:52,743
being mean to myself in my own head.

1912
01:09:52,982 --> 01:09:54,197
I just got some seriously

1913
01:09:54,569 --> 01:09:55,363
machine side eye.

1914
01:09:56,332 --> 01:09:57,949
So the thing that

1915
01:09:58,326 --> 01:09:58,826
somebody's

1916
01:09:59,203 --> 01:10:01,435
therapist not my own once told them that

1917
01:10:01,435 --> 01:10:04,840
resonated with me is that they apparently said

1918
01:10:04,959 --> 01:10:06,336
something to the effect of

1919
01:10:07,429 --> 01:10:08,567
when you're lazy

1920
01:10:09,023 --> 01:10:11,175
and you don't do the thing you need

1921
01:10:11,175 --> 01:10:11,653
to do.

1922
01:10:12,369 --> 01:10:14,214
Something you tend to enjoy yourself.

1923
01:10:15,168 --> 01:10:17,555
So if you're thinking about the thing, you

1924
01:10:17,555 --> 01:10:20,273
need to do and you're unable... To do

1925
01:10:20,273 --> 01:10:20,773
it

1926
01:10:21,146 --> 01:10:22,439
and you're miserable.

1927
01:10:23,527 --> 01:10:26,225
Whatever else you are, it's not lazy,

1928
01:10:26,702 --> 01:10:28,875
and I'll I have, like, para phrase that

1929
01:10:28,875 --> 01:10:30,895
and rep it. But basically,

1930
01:10:31,435 --> 01:10:33,375
lazy, if... When it's laziness,

1931
01:10:34,074 --> 01:10:35,914
it feels better. It's a... It's fun.

1932
01:10:36,645 --> 01:10:38,471
You're, like, look at me not doing the

1933
01:10:38,471 --> 01:10:40,480
thing I was to do. Mh. When it's

1934
01:10:40,854 --> 01:10:42,760
whatever else causes you to not be able

1935
01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:43,952
to do the things you needed to do,

1936
01:10:44,667 --> 01:10:47,486
it's not laziness up. It's something else, executive

1937
01:10:47,781 --> 01:10:51,040
dysfunction, Mh. Mental illness, like something something something.

1938
01:10:51,596 --> 01:10:54,789
So... Yeah. If you need... External motivation in

1939
01:10:54,789 --> 01:10:56,774
your power exchange to get basic shit done.

1940
01:10:56,932 --> 01:10:57,965
You are not lazy.

1941
01:10:59,631 --> 01:11:00,608
You just need

1942
01:11:01,234 --> 01:11:03,613
a different approach. You the right motivator. Right.

1943
01:11:04,485 --> 01:11:07,340
Exactly. There. Okay. That's my

1944
01:11:08,292 --> 01:11:08,846
panel talk,

1945
01:11:09,578 --> 01:11:10,136
for the week.

1946
01:11:12,448 --> 01:11:14,042
Lola is done with this. I think she

1947
01:11:14,042 --> 01:11:15,717
would go outside if she could, but it's

1948
01:11:15,717 --> 01:11:17,231
still raining, so she cannot.

1949
01:11:19,237 --> 01:11:22,180
Yeah. We can do a bonus section. Okay.

1950
01:11:22,418 --> 01:11:24,407
If you would like. So are we good?

1951
01:11:24,979 --> 01:11:25,614
I do not know.

1952
01:11:28,077 --> 01:11:29,984
Keep it y'all. And we'll see you next

1953
01:11:29,984 --> 01:11:30,143
week.

1954
01:11:31,970 --> 01:11:32,024
I

1955
01:11:47,448 --> 01:11:47,948
It's.

1956
01:11:48,323 --> 01:11:49,770
Can we talk to the, please.

1957
01:11:53,262 --> 01:11:55,724
Go ahead. Thank you, Danny. Your dog is

1958
01:11:55,724 --> 01:11:57,568
standing by the door No. She months probably

1959
01:11:57,568 --> 01:11:58,762
go to her bed. She's ready to go

1960
01:11:58,762 --> 01:12:01,313
to her crate. Yeah bed. Yeah. Yeah. She...

1961
01:12:01,631 --> 01:12:03,543
Lola has not spent as much time on

1962
01:12:03,543 --> 01:12:06,215
the couch with us. In recent weeks and

1963
01:12:06,275 --> 01:12:08,034
has just gone to her bed,

1964
01:12:08,994 --> 01:12:10,354
and that's where she would prefer to spend

1965
01:12:10,354 --> 01:12:10,755
her time.

1966
01:12:11,890 --> 01:12:13,569
So we took a week off.

1967
01:12:16,449 --> 01:12:17,010
And we worked.

1968
01:12:17,890 --> 01:12:19,810
Now my mom did come to town, Yeah.

1969
01:12:20,050 --> 01:12:22,863
And we had a whirlwind like, 5 days

1970
01:12:22,863 --> 01:12:25,341
or so. The 18 year old came home

1971
01:12:25,341 --> 01:12:26,139
for part of it.

1972
01:12:27,738 --> 01:12:28,238
He

1973
01:12:28,936 --> 01:12:30,947
enjoyed his time with his grandmother who's spends

1974
01:12:30,947 --> 01:12:31,820
a lot of money on him.

1975
01:12:33,010 --> 01:12:35,470
We finally got to try crumble cookies. Mh.

1976
01:12:35,708 --> 01:12:37,454
Because my aunt uncle bought. Yep.

1977
01:12:39,280 --> 01:12:41,201
Spends we ate out way too often. My

1978
01:12:41,201 --> 01:12:43,425
mom kept going. This this is me making

1979
01:12:43,425 --> 01:12:45,410
up for not... And I don't know why

1980
01:12:45,410 --> 01:12:47,078
she why she felt Cab compelled.

1981
01:12:47,809 --> 01:12:49,640
I didn't send anybody mother's day gifts. I'm

1982
01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:51,074
was the only other than her, the only

1983
01:12:51,074 --> 01:12:52,668
other mother in the group. I didn't... I'm

1984
01:12:52,668 --> 01:12:54,978
not sending any father's day gifts. Jb is

1985
01:12:54,978 --> 01:12:56,730
the only only father in the group, like,

1986
01:12:57,544 --> 01:12:58,582
she was like, so to makeup up for

1987
01:12:58,582 --> 01:13:00,819
it. It's by treat will eat out every

1988
01:13:00,819 --> 01:13:01,698
night. And I was like,

1989
01:13:02,577 --> 01:13:05,469
you you never spent this much not a

1990
01:13:05,469 --> 01:13:07,630
mother or father stay present before.

1991
01:13:08,989 --> 01:13:11,069
I feel like you've gone overboard.

1992
01:13:13,645 --> 01:13:15,244
But it didn't take nobody had to cook.

1993
01:13:15,565 --> 01:13:17,725
Nobody had to, like, keep a super ultra

1994
01:13:17,725 --> 01:13:18,845
clean house because, you know,

1995
01:13:20,125 --> 01:13:22,930
Afterwards. Right. So... So it was kinda nice

1996
01:13:22,930 --> 01:13:25,955
in that aspect. Yes. I would felt more

1997
01:13:25,955 --> 01:13:27,864
uncomfortable with it if it had been a

1998
01:13:27,864 --> 01:13:30,252
request anybody had made to eat out, and

1999
01:13:30,252 --> 01:13:31,856
then she was like She's, like,

2000
01:13:32,809 --> 01:13:34,397
a month before she got here. She's was

2001
01:13:34,397 --> 01:13:35,985
like, this is what we're doing. And I

2002
01:13:35,985 --> 01:13:37,890
don't wanna hear anything from anybody and I

2003
01:13:37,890 --> 01:13:38,207
was like,

2004
01:13:39,319 --> 01:13:41,250
okay. I'll just trying to pay it forward

2005
01:13:41,250 --> 01:13:41,970
to my kids.

2006
01:13:42,850 --> 01:13:45,010
I'm at my sixties, and they're still broke.

2007
01:13:45,170 --> 01:13:46,289
Let's let's try that.

2008
01:13:49,583 --> 01:13:52,220
I I did still work. I just didn't

2009
01:13:52,220 --> 01:13:52,720
do

2010
01:13:53,819 --> 01:13:55,975
as much or the same kind of work?

2011
01:13:56,296 --> 01:13:56,535
Yeah.

2012
01:13:58,630 --> 01:14:00,070
And now she wants to come back in.

2013
01:14:00,310 --> 01:14:01,829
She's at the door to come back in.

2014
01:14:02,630 --> 01:14:04,070
I don't know if the mic picked her

2015
01:14:04,070 --> 01:14:04,230
up.

2016
01:14:07,203 --> 01:14:08,102
And now we're

2017
01:14:08,559 --> 01:14:12,149
streaming slash recording on July third podcast listeners.

2018
01:14:12,308 --> 01:14:13,983
This will come out July fifth. We are

2019
01:14:13,983 --> 01:14:15,260
taking July fourth off.

2020
01:14:17,588 --> 01:14:20,145
To the extent that we seriously mean we're

2021
01:14:20,145 --> 01:14:21,364
not doing anything

2022
01:14:22,223 --> 01:14:23,122
on Thursday.

2023
01:14:24,141 --> 01:14:27,345
I'm actually gonna, get the podcast ready tonight

2024
01:14:27,345 --> 01:14:28,301
to go out on Friday.

2025
01:14:28,938 --> 01:14:29,438
Lola

2026
01:14:29,894 --> 01:14:31,247
is off to the side she has come

2027
01:14:31,247 --> 01:14:32,920
back in the office. She is happy. She

2028
01:14:32,920 --> 01:14:33,796
is on her back.

2029
01:14:34,527 --> 01:14:35,583
Sp out

2030
01:14:36,594 --> 01:14:38,981
as her daddy who is sometimes my daddy,

2031
01:14:39,140 --> 01:14:40,753
but he's more her daddy

2032
01:14:41,224 --> 01:14:43,461
gets on the floor with her to rub

2033
01:14:43,461 --> 01:14:43,940
her belly,

2034
01:14:45,378 --> 01:14:46,577
and she's bliss out,

2035
01:14:48,669 --> 01:14:51,060
So as long as Lowell was happy, that's

2036
01:14:51,060 --> 01:14:52,573
really all that matters in life.

2037
01:14:54,885 --> 01:14:55,761
Yeah. Yeah.

2038
01:14:56,972 --> 01:14:59,364
I've got nothing to add the 18 year

2039
01:14:59,364 --> 01:15:01,037
old to be home this weekend. We're... We

2040
01:15:01,037 --> 01:15:03,270
are going on Thursday to go, pick him

2041
01:15:03,270 --> 01:15:04,306
up. He has to do...

2042
01:15:05,277 --> 01:15:08,400
Something with his driver's license on Friday.

2043
01:15:08,854 --> 01:15:10,444
I meant to ask that he check to

2044
01:15:10,444 --> 01:15:13,146
make sure the Dmv was gonna go

2045
01:15:13,544 --> 01:15:14,021
Friday.

2046
01:15:15,793 --> 01:15:18,110
I did not ask. He's coming home anyway

2047
01:15:18,110 --> 01:15:18,430
whatever.

2048
01:15:19,948 --> 01:15:22,686
So that's nice. The 14 year old

2049
01:15:23,065 --> 01:15:25,786
is this. Close to finally being done with

2050
01:15:25,786 --> 01:15:27,850
great. Now, for anybody who's like, it is

2051
01:15:28,089 --> 01:15:29,939
July. How is he not done? The

2052
01:15:30,788 --> 01:15:33,385
virtual schooling thing he did. He actually started

2053
01:15:33,823 --> 01:15:34,141
November.

2054
01:15:35,018 --> 01:15:37,749
So he's finishing 2 months after

2055
01:15:38,604 --> 01:15:40,970
he would have... Right. Public school, but he's

2056
01:15:41,169 --> 01:15:44,038
started 3 months after so and because of

2057
01:15:44,038 --> 01:15:46,430
the way that happened the way he he

2058
01:15:46,430 --> 01:15:46,828
started,

2059
01:15:48,742 --> 01:15:48,981
he...

2060
01:15:49,873 --> 01:15:50,772
You know, left

2061
01:15:51,549 --> 01:15:54,182
school, but what he had done up to

2062
01:15:54,182 --> 01:15:56,257
that point in school did not count. He

2063
01:15:56,257 --> 01:15:58,526
basically had to go back start start

2064
01:15:58,901 --> 01:16:00,514
from square 1

2065
01:16:00,968 --> 01:16:03,457
per eighth grade. Like, literally, like, a handful

2066
01:16:03,593 --> 01:16:05,604
of things to turn in and then

2067
01:16:05,993 --> 01:16:07,586
done with eighth grade. Yeah. We asked them?

2068
01:16:07,746 --> 01:16:09,099
Like, what do you want?

2069
01:16:09,816 --> 01:16:10,873
How do you wanna celebrate

2070
01:16:11,408 --> 01:16:13,399
finishing middle school. Right? Because he didn't get

2071
01:16:13,399 --> 01:16:15,348
to have the in person and experience

2072
01:16:15,724 --> 01:16:17,078
with his classmates, and he goes,

2073
01:16:17,953 --> 01:16:19,546
I would like a cookie cake. And I

2074
01:16:19,546 --> 01:16:21,777
was like, I like how you think. I

2075
01:16:21,777 --> 01:16:23,185
will get you a cookie cake an

2076
01:16:24,739 --> 01:16:27,052
I'm hoping I can convince him that we

2077
01:16:27,052 --> 01:16:29,364
need to, like, celebrate it. I don't know

2078
01:16:29,364 --> 01:16:32,649
whatever food thing he likes. He's very particular

2079
01:16:32,649 --> 01:16:34,006
about what he eats, but he will eat

2080
01:16:34,006 --> 01:16:35,783
a good Mcdonald's or

2081
01:16:36,161 --> 01:16:38,156
Wendy's or, you know, a couple of other

2082
01:16:38,156 --> 01:16:39,135
places. So,

2083
01:16:39,752 --> 01:16:40,492
like, just

2084
01:16:41,603 --> 01:16:43,438
He and I are both. We're... It's like

2085
01:16:43,438 --> 01:16:45,671
we're in the trenches to this together.

2086
01:16:47,506 --> 01:16:50,137
So we're getting through stuff, and we're talking

2087
01:16:50,137 --> 01:16:52,143
through, like, we're mapping out in the next

2088
01:16:52,143 --> 01:16:54,530
few days. He's gonna take Thursday off. It's

2089
01:16:54,530 --> 01:16:56,519
a holiday as brothers coming home. We're just

2090
01:16:56,519 --> 01:16:58,507
gonna, like, a everybody's and chill for Thursday

2091
01:16:58,507 --> 01:17:00,194
the fourth. We don't really sell up great

2092
01:17:00,194 --> 01:17:02,534
for of July. We're gonna make hamburgers.

2093
01:17:04,515 --> 01:17:06,774
That's that's about it. We're gonna be annoyed

2094
01:17:06,835 --> 01:17:09,210
at 2 or 3AM when the neighbors are

2095
01:17:09,329 --> 01:17:10,864
still setting off fireworks

2096
01:17:11,239 --> 01:17:13,787
slash shooting their guns into the air. This

2097
01:17:13,787 --> 01:17:16,493
is an area where you legitimately have to

2098
01:17:16,493 --> 01:17:17,185
go was pot

2099
01:17:17,858 --> 01:17:20,631
Alright go fire arm. I don't know. Yeah.

2100
01:17:22,691 --> 01:17:25,269
But, yeah, we've mapped out house. He could

2101
01:17:25,646 --> 01:17:28,278
potentially be completely done with Eighth grade by

2102
01:17:28,438 --> 01:17:30,591
Monday or tuesday of next week. And every

2103
01:17:30,591 --> 01:17:33,064
time we talk about it, he, like, he

2104
01:17:33,064 --> 01:17:34,281
gets a little bit more

2105
01:17:34,593 --> 01:17:37,770
un enthused. Mh. Silent and the live chat

2106
01:17:37,770 --> 01:17:39,516
asked what is a cookie cake? It is

2107
01:17:39,516 --> 01:17:42,296
a gigantic. In this case, chocolate chip cookie.

2108
01:17:43,090 --> 01:17:45,179
11 inches 9 inches. It can go bigger,

2109
01:17:46,300 --> 01:17:49,179
that they use cake frosting on to decorate.

2110
01:17:49,420 --> 01:17:50,939
Yeah. Is it cookie cake? Mh.

2111
01:17:51,500 --> 01:17:53,585
I'm we get ours from pub. I'm sure

2112
01:17:53,585 --> 01:17:55,574
other places may make them in different ways,

2113
01:17:55,813 --> 01:17:57,586
but the public's way is just

2114
01:17:58,199 --> 01:17:59,074
around... Like...

2115
01:18:00,043 --> 01:18:00,543
Chocolate

2116
01:18:00,997 --> 01:18:02,747
chip cookie. Yep. Yep. Yep.

2117
01:18:03,780 --> 01:18:05,926
And the kid loves those? Like, he'd rather

2118
01:18:05,926 --> 01:18:07,834
have that than actual cake, and I'm like,

2119
01:18:07,993 --> 01:18:10,577
who's chop? Are you? Because yeah be cake

2120
01:18:11,270 --> 01:18:12,703
and the frosting. I want... I think I

2121
01:18:12,703 --> 01:18:14,294
don't know, maybe the cookie is a vehicle

2122
01:18:14,294 --> 01:18:15,726
for the frosting. I I don't know.

2123
01:18:16,920 --> 01:18:17,420
No

2124
01:18:17,795 --> 01:18:17,930
Old

2125
01:18:19,163 --> 01:18:20,458
But, yeah. It's been

2126
01:18:21,470 --> 01:18:23,403
school year wise. It has been a

2127
01:18:23,778 --> 01:18:24,255
fucking year.

2128
01:18:26,578 --> 01:18:28,672
I think we are all kind of survivors

2129
01:18:28,729 --> 01:18:30,823
of his eighth grade experience,

2130
01:18:32,474 --> 01:18:35,354
but his mental health is improving, his physical

2131
01:18:35,354 --> 01:18:36,307
health is improving.

2132
01:18:36,863 --> 01:18:37,363
The

2133
01:18:38,213 --> 01:18:40,198
we've had to make some changes on our

2134
01:18:40,198 --> 01:18:42,185
end as parents to help get him to

2135
01:18:42,185 --> 01:18:44,666
that point. His but the more improvement I

2136
01:18:44,666 --> 01:18:45,166
see

2137
01:18:45,542 --> 01:18:46,201
that is

2138
01:18:46,577 --> 01:18:49,203
above and beyond how he was in in

2139
01:18:49,203 --> 01:18:51,686
school. Mh. 6 seventh grade even before that.

2140
01:18:52,561 --> 01:18:54,154
Like, it's not... It has not been an

2141
01:18:54,154 --> 01:18:57,019
easy decision. It is is very stressful. I

2142
01:18:57,019 --> 01:18:58,531
worry that I am fucking up my own

2143
01:18:58,531 --> 01:19:00,369
kids and education every fucking day.

2144
01:19:01,637 --> 01:19:03,856
And yet, I can't regret it because he

2145
01:19:03,856 --> 01:19:04,356
is

2146
01:19:04,886 --> 01:19:05,940
he is more

2147
01:19:06,488 --> 01:19:09,042
himself. It it is... Has been in probably

2148
01:19:09,042 --> 01:19:11,756
years. It is nice to to see that

2149
01:19:11,756 --> 01:19:15,203
because, yes. He was not himself for... So

2150
01:19:15,203 --> 01:19:16,740
long. And now

2151
01:19:17,356 --> 01:19:17,856
his

2152
01:19:20,148 --> 01:19:22,141
personality is is shining back through.

2153
01:19:23,258 --> 01:19:23,737
And,

2154
01:19:24,375 --> 01:19:24,430
Bill

2155
01:19:25,503 --> 01:19:28,390
even the typical 14 year old

2156
01:19:29,719 --> 01:19:30,674
ish stuff,

2157
01:19:31,644 --> 01:19:33,721
you know. I mean, I can't I we

2158
01:19:33,721 --> 01:19:35,958
might have to sometimes discipline it, but I

2159
01:19:35,958 --> 01:19:37,317
can't even be mad about it. I'm like,

2160
01:19:37,476 --> 01:19:39,966
look at you. Maybe developmental them lawyer. Appropriate.

2161
01:19:41,954 --> 01:19:44,658
Yeah The thing is is what I've noticed

2162
01:19:44,658 --> 01:19:45,396
is as

2163
01:19:45,850 --> 01:19:48,872
his health overall has improved, He is willing.

2164
01:19:49,284 --> 01:19:52,564
To do things that he found impossible. Like,

2165
01:19:52,725 --> 01:19:54,164
small things that most of us would kinda

2166
01:19:54,164 --> 01:19:55,604
go, oh, that's a big deal. For him,

2167
01:19:55,685 --> 01:19:57,524
it was a big deal. Mh. And he's,

2168
01:19:57,685 --> 01:19:57,925
like,

2169
01:19:59,138 --> 01:20:01,362
he's he's able to make those steps and

2170
01:20:01,441 --> 01:20:02,314
I'm like, okay.

2171
01:20:03,823 --> 01:20:05,490
I'm still not convinced then I know what

2172
01:20:05,490 --> 01:20:07,572
the fuck I'm doing is a parent. Certainly

2173
01:20:07,572 --> 01:20:09,188
not a home parent. However

2174
01:20:10,282 --> 01:20:10,521
I

2175
01:20:11,398 --> 01:20:13,550
if it now feels like it was the

2176
01:20:13,550 --> 01:20:16,270
right direction for him. It is not something

2177
01:20:16,350 --> 01:20:18,020
I would recommend for every fucking box. No.

2178
01:20:18,179 --> 01:20:19,531
I said no. I can say no. It's

2179
01:20:19,531 --> 01:20:21,996
definitely not for everyone everybody. If his health

2180
01:20:21,996 --> 01:20:24,755
had not been basically ruined if

2181
01:20:25,988 --> 01:20:29,113
this school year. I probably never would have

2182
01:20:29,805 --> 01:20:31,635
made the note. The choice either. But no.

2183
01:20:33,010 --> 01:20:33,409
So...

2184
01:20:34,689 --> 01:20:37,569
So, yeah. We're just... We're mostly being parents

2185
01:20:37,569 --> 01:20:40,860
and mh, trying to survive Florida's. Summer. And

2186
01:20:40,860 --> 01:20:43,511
apparently, we're already watching storms as poor

2187
01:20:43,887 --> 01:20:47,073
bear people in barrels path are getting fucked.

2188
01:20:47,392 --> 01:20:47,869
Mh.

2189
01:20:48,347 --> 01:20:50,038
And yet, it's that weird thing of you

2190
01:20:50,038 --> 01:20:52,115
feel bad for the people affected and then

2191
01:20:52,115 --> 01:20:53,473
you... At the same time, go, I'm am

2192
01:20:53,473 --> 01:20:56,999
so glad not us. Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Knowing

2193
01:20:56,999 --> 01:20:59,067
that, you know, at some point, our time

2194
01:20:59,067 --> 01:21:00,737
will Oh, yeah. Yeah.

2195
01:21:01,452 --> 01:21:02,430
Hopefully not.

2196
01:21:03,202 --> 01:21:05,129
Am. And you never know. It's a So...

2197
01:21:05,688 --> 01:21:07,926
And so yeah. Hurricane season is in full

2198
01:21:07,926 --> 01:21:08,645
horse. Mh.

2199
01:21:10,721 --> 01:21:12,239
Fur babies are all doing decent.

2200
01:21:13,691 --> 01:21:14,249
Yeah. Like,

2201
01:21:15,286 --> 01:21:18,157
Kayla said, did take lola to the... I

2202
01:21:18,157 --> 01:21:20,549
am motivated to work more after the vet

2203
01:21:20,549 --> 01:21:21,266
bill. Yeah.

2204
01:21:24,471 --> 01:21:25,451
They really didn't

2205
01:21:26,067 --> 01:21:26,966
find anything

2206
01:21:28,859 --> 01:21:30,694
glowing wrong with her. No.

2207
01:21:32,064 --> 01:21:33,577
There. There were a few little things,

2208
01:21:34,771 --> 01:21:35,248
her weight.

2209
01:21:37,001 --> 01:21:39,389
Yeah. The nice thing is the the vet

2210
01:21:39,389 --> 01:21:42,672
validated estimate. You were doing everything. Right. Supposed

2211
01:21:42,672 --> 01:21:44,986
to. We we we're not the problem. No.

2212
01:21:45,145 --> 01:21:46,581
We we told her what we're doing, you

2213
01:21:46,581 --> 01:21:49,134
know, when when we started using this weight

2214
01:21:49,134 --> 01:21:50,010
management food,

2215
01:21:50,742 --> 01:21:52,277
You know, we look. This is

2216
01:21:52,652 --> 01:21:55,037
what her weight is supposed to be, and

2217
01:21:55,037 --> 01:21:56,310
this is what we're feeding her.

2218
01:21:57,599 --> 01:21:57,917
And

2219
01:21:58,795 --> 01:22:02,084
you know, in in the past, her snacks

2220
01:22:02,779 --> 01:22:05,272
would have been, you know, dog biscuits and

2221
01:22:05,903 --> 01:22:06,301
you know,

2222
01:22:07,337 --> 01:22:09,729
pieces of cheese and and whatnot, and and

2223
01:22:09,729 --> 01:22:12,199
that has totally been cut out her snacks

2224
01:22:12,199 --> 01:22:12,939
are now

2225
01:22:13,729 --> 01:22:14,229
fresh

2226
01:22:14,608 --> 01:22:16,546
vegetables and fruit. Mh.

2227
01:22:17,164 --> 01:22:18,922
And and, you know, she does it.

2228
01:22:21,412 --> 01:22:23,240
Now they did notice she had a a

2229
01:22:23,240 --> 01:22:26,444
slight infection. She's on. She's on a serious

2230
01:22:26,500 --> 01:22:29,538
about. Siri for 28 days. She's gonna we

2231
01:22:29,538 --> 01:22:31,373
were given her antibiotic.

2232
01:22:32,810 --> 01:22:34,087
And they said that might have been why

2233
01:22:34,087 --> 01:22:35,364
she was so low energy. Yeah.

2234
01:22:37,373 --> 01:22:39,921
Now what they also are trying to do

2235
01:22:39,921 --> 01:22:42,730
even though her thyroid is kind of in

2236
01:22:42,787 --> 01:22:44,698
the... In is in the normal range.

2237
01:22:47,095 --> 01:22:48,760
Apparently, vets have done this in the past.

2238
01:22:48,918 --> 01:22:51,322
They put her on the lowest dose

2239
01:22:52,090 --> 01:22:52,248
of,

2240
01:22:53,932 --> 01:22:54,432
thyroid

2241
01:22:54,810 --> 01:22:54,970
medication.

2242
01:22:56,007 --> 01:22:58,422
You kind of try and boost her metabolism

2243
01:22:58,481 --> 01:22:59,039
a little bit.

2244
01:23:01,769 --> 01:23:03,068
And it has been

2245
01:23:04,645 --> 01:23:07,621
noticeable. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, she

2246
01:23:09,680 --> 01:23:12,377
she wants to walk. Oh, yeah. She will

2247
01:23:12,377 --> 01:23:14,122
stand at the front door and a woo.

2248
01:23:14,439 --> 01:23:17,396
Yeah. Until somebody... Yeah named john Brown and

2249
01:23:17,396 --> 01:23:18,912
for a. And I think that's kind of

2250
01:23:18,912 --> 01:23:19,151
what...

2251
01:23:20,587 --> 01:23:22,101
You know, because you, like, where's my walk

2252
01:23:22,101 --> 01:23:22,820
in I? Oh,

2253
01:23:23,617 --> 01:23:23,936
Definitely.

2254
01:23:24,734 --> 01:23:26,981
You wouldn't get to go anyway. Right. Raining.

2255
01:23:27,301 --> 01:23:27,460
Right.

2256
01:23:30,250 --> 01:23:30,887
So, you know,

2257
01:23:32,562 --> 01:23:34,689
she is doing decent on her walks. Right

2258
01:23:34,810 --> 01:23:36,729
while she's not walking as far as, you

2259
01:23:36,729 --> 01:23:38,969
know, we used to take her. But then

2260
01:23:38,969 --> 01:23:40,969
again, I'm... It's taking into account. It's hot.

2261
01:23:41,449 --> 01:23:41,949
So

2262
01:23:42,250 --> 01:23:44,413
so freaking hot. So much. She does not

2263
01:23:44,413 --> 01:23:46,948
walk at 05:30. No. Because that would be

2264
01:23:46,948 --> 01:23:48,771
an hour long walk, and we still wouldn't

2265
01:23:48,771 --> 01:23:50,356
get very far down the story.

2266
01:23:51,166 --> 01:23:53,234
You know, God god lover. She is not

2267
01:23:53,234 --> 01:23:54,189
really a walker.

2268
01:23:55,064 --> 01:23:56,837
She is a sniff. Mh.

2269
01:23:57,624 --> 01:23:59,219
And you know, that is what she did,

2270
01:23:59,379 --> 01:24:01,054
but we have been walking in the evening

2271
01:24:01,054 --> 01:24:02,171
her and Eye after dinner.

2272
01:24:03,127 --> 01:24:03,527
And

2273
01:24:04,962 --> 01:24:06,398
she... She is doing well.

2274
01:24:08,165 --> 01:24:10,492
Prior to being on the antibiotic and the

2275
01:24:11,581 --> 01:24:12,217
thyroid meds,

2276
01:24:12,931 --> 01:24:13,591
she would

2277
01:24:14,123 --> 01:24:14,623
stop

2278
01:24:15,252 --> 01:24:17,965
lay down and rest several times during the

2279
01:24:17,965 --> 01:24:20,916
walk. And now she is not doing that,

2280
01:24:22,032 --> 01:24:23,547
But I have I have noticed,

2281
01:24:26,671 --> 01:24:29,401
you know, she has been doing very well

2282
01:24:29,458 --> 01:24:30,914
with the self regulating

2283
01:24:31,689 --> 01:24:32,247
on the walk.

2284
01:24:32,963 --> 01:24:33,521
Meaning that,

2285
01:24:34,252 --> 01:24:35,685
When we get to a certain point,

2286
01:24:37,039 --> 01:24:39,371
she will turn around of her own accord

2287
01:24:40,781 --> 01:24:41,975
and start heading back.

2288
01:24:42,708 --> 01:24:43,845
Mh. So

2289
01:24:46,773 --> 01:24:48,925
Yes, ma'am. No. We... No. You're talk we're

2290
01:24:48,925 --> 01:24:49,664
talking about

2291
01:24:50,613 --> 01:24:52,676
She's sitting next to me now. Mh. I've

2292
01:24:52,676 --> 01:24:55,216
been patti her and now, I guess she's...

2293
01:24:55,533 --> 01:24:57,065
Yeah. Done with whatever...

2294
01:24:58,169 --> 01:25:01,760
You're not tonight, ma'am. It's raining. Yeah. So,

2295
01:25:01,920 --> 01:25:03,515
you know, there... There's been that, and she's

2296
01:25:03,515 --> 01:25:04,734
been doing pretty good

2297
01:25:05,112 --> 01:25:05,830
with that now.

2298
01:25:06,643 --> 01:25:08,238
So, you know, and as as you can

2299
01:25:08,238 --> 01:25:11,109
hear, she's been rather vocal tonight? Yeah. More

2300
01:25:11,109 --> 01:25:13,741
vocal than... Than she has been. Yeah. So

2301
01:25:13,741 --> 01:25:15,655
maybe that's another sign She's feeling. Yeah.

2302
01:25:16,467 --> 01:25:16,785
And

2303
01:25:17,501 --> 01:25:17,819
you know,

2304
01:25:18,694 --> 01:25:20,364
Kayla got a little upset me because I

2305
01:25:20,364 --> 01:25:22,114
did get her a bit r up before...

2306
01:25:22,512 --> 01:25:23,984
Right before it start recording

2307
01:25:24,362 --> 01:25:26,757
recording. Yes, ma'am. I not. But you know,

2308
01:25:26,917 --> 01:25:28,114
I also knew 1 gonna take her for

2309
01:25:28,114 --> 01:25:30,669
a walk and true. And part of the

2310
01:25:30,669 --> 01:25:32,265
concern we'd had, which is why we got

2311
01:25:32,265 --> 01:25:33,953
her into the vet. When we did was

2312
01:25:33,953 --> 01:25:35,941
that she was not getting her Zoom. Like,

2313
01:25:36,418 --> 01:25:39,759
like, Lola is like her parents. She's creature

2314
01:25:39,759 --> 01:25:41,997
habit. You can almost sat. I'll watch by

2315
01:25:41,997 --> 01:25:44,851
certain things. Mh. And we also just sort

2316
01:25:44,851 --> 01:25:45,669
of know

2317
01:25:46,199 --> 01:25:48,102
what the circumstances have to be for her

2318
01:25:48,102 --> 01:25:50,024
to get some, like, a crazy Zoom is

2319
01:25:50,024 --> 01:25:52,037
in this office. Yeah. And

2320
01:25:52,412 --> 01:25:54,163
it just wasn't happening and know.

2321
01:25:55,914 --> 01:25:56,631
Yes, ma'am.

2322
01:25:57,426 --> 01:25:58,222
Should we just, like,

2323
01:25:58,953 --> 01:26:00,466
put the mic down by you and let

2324
01:26:00,466 --> 01:26:00,966
you

2325
01:26:01,342 --> 01:26:03,912
serena the the good people out. Is that

2326
01:26:04,447 --> 01:26:06,040
you tell them all the things you're thinking

2327
01:26:06,040 --> 01:26:06,836
about. Alright.

2328
01:26:07,808 --> 01:26:09,244
Met many of them would listen.

2329
01:26:10,681 --> 01:26:11,878
I know. Oh, yeah.

2330
01:26:12,756 --> 01:26:15,230
It's tough being you. And and you're probably

2331
01:26:15,230 --> 01:26:15,470
right.

2332
01:26:16,440 --> 01:26:16,940
Silent

2333
01:26:17,315 --> 01:26:19,860
saying that w word. Yeah. Silence said all

2334
01:26:19,860 --> 01:26:21,610
that g is probably because you guys keep

2335
01:26:21,610 --> 01:26:21,769
saying...

2336
01:26:23,454 --> 01:26:24,328
W a. Okay.

2337
01:26:26,077 --> 01:26:28,382
We don't spell as a rule, so I

2338
01:26:28,382 --> 01:26:30,051
don't think she can spell, and we're good.

2339
01:26:32,054 --> 01:26:32,293
Right?

2340
01:26:36,197 --> 01:26:37,871
We've gonna let this be the Lola show

2341
01:26:37,871 --> 01:26:38,509
now. Right.

2342
01:26:40,591 --> 01:26:42,180
She seems to have a lot to say

2343
01:26:42,180 --> 01:26:43,848
tonight. She does. It's nice.

2344
01:26:44,564 --> 01:26:46,811
Folks haven't gotten to hear your voice. Mh.

2345
01:26:48,154 --> 01:26:49,983
Just don't knock over the tripod. Okay. Nope.

2346
01:26:51,096 --> 01:26:52,448
So, yeah. We're

2347
01:26:53,642 --> 01:26:54,619
the cats are

2348
01:26:55,407 --> 01:26:55,725
menace.

2349
01:26:56,677 --> 01:26:57,154
We love them.

2350
01:27:02,333 --> 01:27:05,126
Yeah. That's kind of about it. You know,

2351
01:27:05,284 --> 01:27:05,944
we're just,

2352
01:27:07,199 --> 01:27:09,193
doing our. Yeah. Tough.

2353
01:27:12,958 --> 01:27:14,315
And just existing.

2354
01:27:15,593 --> 01:27:17,449
And you want we

2355
01:27:17,908 --> 01:27:18,227
do.

2356
01:27:19,105 --> 01:27:21,101
Yeah. It's not. It's 1 of those times

2357
01:27:21,101 --> 01:27:23,109
of life. I'm I'm grateful before. It is

2358
01:27:23,109 --> 01:27:25,498
neither bad nor good. It's neutral. I'll take

2359
01:27:25,498 --> 01:27:28,524
neutral. Okay. Mh. Good is nice. Good is

2360
01:27:28,524 --> 01:27:30,848
nice. Bad sucks, but I'll take. Girl.

2361
01:27:33,470 --> 01:27:35,217
What is Lovely they would over there? Every

2362
01:27:35,217 --> 01:27:37,362
time I stop petting her? U. She puts

2363
01:27:37,362 --> 01:27:39,603
her nose under your hand and girl yes.

2364
01:27:39,762 --> 01:27:40,400
1. Yep.

2365
01:27:41,198 --> 01:27:42,713
I did not give rep permission to stop

2366
01:27:42,792 --> 01:27:45,663
Yeah. Right. Who's the dom over there? Who's

2367
01:27:45,663 --> 01:27:46,061
in charge?

2368
01:27:47,019 --> 01:27:47,895
I don't think it's you.

2369
01:27:49,109 --> 01:27:50,149
I don't think it's you.

2370
01:27:52,710 --> 01:27:55,029
Lola was large and in charge. Yes. She

2371
01:27:55,029 --> 01:27:55,510
is.

2372
01:27:57,522 --> 01:27:59,433
She's... Maybe, you know, maybe it is. She's

2373
01:27:59,433 --> 01:28:00,707
getting some of her spun back.

2374
01:28:01,742 --> 01:28:02,060
Yeah.

2375
01:28:03,176 --> 01:28:04,768
You're just good. I'm happy to see that.

2376
01:28:05,086 --> 01:28:07,405
Yes. Yeah. Very happy to see that. Boop.

2377
01:28:08,041 --> 01:28:08,541
So

2378
01:28:10,900 --> 01:28:13,283
I think that's think it for us. I

2379
01:28:13,283 --> 01:28:15,770
was plus. Eat Right? A week away. For

2380
01:28:15,770 --> 01:28:17,605
week... Away and knew what than almost an

2381
01:28:17,605 --> 01:28:20,877
hour and a half. Basically, Yeah. So for

2382
01:28:20,877 --> 01:28:22,130
anybody who stuck around to the bidder any

2383
01:28:22,249 --> 01:28:24,502
a couple of reminders, 1, the kin

2384
01:28:24,880 --> 01:28:27,271
dot com exists. If you'd like to know

2385
01:28:27,271 --> 01:28:29,662
about the things that we're doing and selling

2386
01:28:29,662 --> 01:28:30,435
and making and

2387
01:28:31,588 --> 01:28:33,815
please subscribe to our email is. We do

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not spam. We promise. No.

2389
01:28:35,804 --> 01:28:36,042
2,

2390
01:28:36,838 --> 01:28:39,396
if you like, chat. And when we answer

2391
01:28:39,396 --> 01:28:41,962
questions, this Saturday, July sixth

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is our Patreon monthly live Q and a.

2393
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And so if you join our Patreon. If

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01:28:47,512 --> 01:28:48,939
you have not already, you get access to

2395
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that, plus a discord over plus other stuff.

2396
01:28:51,632 --> 01:28:53,217
Links are all in the places for all

2397
01:28:53,217 --> 01:28:56,095
of the things. And if Todd da. Mh.

2398
01:28:58,328 --> 01:28:59,923
I guess, I guess it's time to go.

2399
01:29:00,162 --> 01:29:01,837
Yeah. I guess we're gonna do that now.

2400
01:29:02,077 --> 01:29:03,932
Yeah. I'm joining us and

2401
01:29:04,963 --> 01:29:06,161
Good to see you and hope to see

2402
01:29:06,161 --> 01:29:07,758
you back in next time. Yep. We'll be

2403
01:29:07,758 --> 01:29:09,993
back next week. Yep. Okay. Bye. Bye.