You're listening to loving Bd and podcast episode
04:01. Holy shit. Yeah. Kill here with the
1 the only the guy who would totally
do the podcast naked if he thought he
could get away with it jump out soon?
I wouldn't. If there was no live. There
was no live component, I wouldn't. Yeah, Don't
a mind to underwear back in the day.
Just be naked. Yeah. Yeah. Mh. I mean,
I'm I'm down for that. I'm pretty sure
if we revived our only fan page, other
people would probably be down for that too.
Yeah. Just
sit it... See us sitting there naked,
talking into the mic. Her phone.
Mh. Mh. Nick, oh, god. Don't give me
more ideas. She said to herself. Okay. So
worry your Nikki Time with Jb and Kayla.
Know. You know I was thinking again.
That is not what we are here for.
This week... We're talking about something that I'm
kind of calling Task creep in Ds relationships,
Mh. Which is similar to just like the...
I stole the idea from the concept. Of
role or job creep in the workplace. Yeah.
If... Anybody who's ever
been slowly assigned more work or slowly taken
on more work than you are paid to
do. You know what this is.
Yep. You got it. We're gonna talk about
it in power exchange.
Well, to the loving Bd podcast. This is
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Your button push her from way back.
Okay. Before we get into this week's topic,
I've got
announcements.
The first 1 is,
we are taking our little summer break that
we do.
Next week. So
we are recording slash streaming on,
June nineteenth, June. Happy June tenth for anybody
who, acknowledge that 1.
I shouldn't say acknowledge. Celebrate is it celebrating
I should be celebrated?
I don't know. But happy June teens. I
have fucked that all the way up. I
apologize.
So the week after this week after June
nineteenth,
we're on a break. There'll be no podcast.
No. There'll be no live stream. There'll be
no newsletter. No. There's none of that. Why?
Because my mother going to down.
So, we're actually kind of starting our break
a little early because we have to clean
the house from top to bottom.
The day after we record this. Mh.
So
1 thing of note because somebody will ask
in our,
Patreon community we do a monthly game night,
which is next week during our break. Yes,
We will still do game night.
The other announcement it is that we are
going live for our monthly
virtual
months,
Friday night, June 20 first, starting at 09:30PM,
Eastern.
So
hope you will join us for that.
And then
third announcement,
it looks like as of our recording schedule
and all of our plans.
The Monday episodes will be back.
July eighth.
They could be back July first if we
weren't going on a break extra.
You're not recording that. So we'll bring it
back the following week. So
If you have questions, we are still accepting
them. We just have enough now that we're
like, yeah, Let's get back to it. But
we are constantly
accepting
questions. And I wanna
retry and redo a happy June team. Okay.
If you don't know what June tenth is,
certainly no expert. But basically,
06/19/1865
is when enslaved people in Texas were 5
informed
that they were supposed to be free.
Not not at the actual time, please Don't
asking me the data for other it up.
So it's a federal holiday. It's a legit
thing.
Happy June team.
Okay.
Let's get into the topic. Now that I've
butcher that. Just fucking
that. Oh,
okay.
I have to go by the script because
topped it all. Okay. So this week's topic
is
ripped from the headlines of our own life.
But also, I stole a vanilla
concept to because I recognized parallels.
And in the vanilla world, what I want
us to talk about in the whole idea
of task creep is usually known as job
creep, more roll creep. So let's talk about
what that is.
1 of the best definitions I
found of my lord, of course. Mh he's
and ads and just...
There it is. Okay.
Here's the definition. It 1 of the... They're
all basically same, but it was an easy
1 I found. Job creep also referred to
as role creep happens when 1 performs tasks
that are outside of their role or the
agreed scope of their job.
Anybody who's ever had to work for somebody
else who gets to tell you what to
do has probably experienced some level of this.
I job creeped myself into 4 roles at
my last big girl job. Job. And it
wasn't until my last year there that I
got paid
more and had some of the work taken
off of me. But, yeah, I was under
the umbrella of ford job titles
at 1 point in that job. There might
be a reason why. I don't do that
work anymore.
So, yeah, there's this thing with you are
expected to do a job, and you have
somebody who manages you leads you is the
boss of you.
And over time, they may
assign things to you, you may agree to
take things on whatever it is. And before
you know it, you are doing things. You
should not agree to do that you're not
in this case being paid to do.
And you might not wanna do, Leads to
burnout leads to resentment leads all kinds of
bad feelings.
Guess what? Something like that can have an
power exchange.
Shocking. Right? Shocking. Fascinating.
So let's try to define task creep and
power exchange. K. My experience with it as
a service submissive has been
doing things for my dominant partner that we
did not sit down and negotiate and come
up with parameters for. He did not ask
me to do. I just started. Mh.
And without that
negotiation,
the
expectation was set that I would still do
it. Now, I only know my ants, but
I have no doubt that dominance can be...
You can have task creep too. They might
not... You might not think of it that
way. Maybe roll creep where you're doing more,
Mh. Than you originally agreed to do,
and there hasn't been
a solid serious
conversation. Right? About it. Okay? And I think
the same exact things that can have... That
happen in the workplace are gonna happen in
a relationship. If you don't talk about it
and get it sorted, and that is resentment,
and that is
expectation management.
That is where
we realized that I was doing things. Mh.
That we hadn't negotiated because I didn't do
it 1 day because it wasn't an official
task. Right. And somebody was not happy with
that.
I'm like, wait. What happened here? What's going
on? And he used the. Big d voice
and I pushed back
because that was not the appropriate use of
the big d voice.
So it absolutely can happen to either side
of the slash.
Unless Jb b
shocks me with something that he feels is
task creep, But I have a feeling we'll
probably focus more on the submissive side of
things.
It's okay if You young. We know you're
not bored. We know you're exhausted. It's okay.
Poor. Pocket listeners you can't see it, poor
Jamie keeps trying to, like, swallow was jan.
Okay. So
Okay. So I do think it's more common
amongst it missiles. Mh.
I
I think any kind of submissive can find
themselves in this situation because it might be
a thing that you're asked to do as
a 1 off from a dominant partner Mh.
And you do, and then somehow that kind
of sets the expectation, you'll do it every
time. And and and what it is kemp
can be early anything.
It could be a kin activity sexual activity.
It could be task oriented. It could be
in service of your dominant partner, like, it
can be anything.
I feel it, and I wonder if it
maybe is more common in service submissive.
Because as service,
we tend to be,
you know, trying to wanting to looking for
ways to... In whatever way you define this
for take care of our dominant partner,
and it is real real easy to take
on
tasks
and
create habits around shit. You never had a
conversation about, you know? Like we... Like,
right out of the headlines of,
our relationship. The 1 where Jb got upset
with me.
We had just started taking... I don't think
we had just started. Had been trying to
take probiotics
to fix our own got health. Yeah. Doing
it for a while. Had we been doing
it for while? Okay. Mh. I had gotten
a couple of times. I had
been popping mine out of the blister pack,
and I did it for Jb. 2 reasons.
1, I was right there. I was like,
oh I'll just do it.
And 2,
I love Jb. He is capable of many,
many things. Blister packs or his enemy. I
don't know what it is beautiful they are.
They have some. And if you're like, what
is a blister pack? It's the plastic pack
that has, like, the aluminum foil on the
back and your supposed a pop and then
the paper. Over that. Yeah. Now. So.
Hate.
He was forgetting to take his probiotic
regularly.
If I wasn't having breakfast with him, he
might not remember.
I knew he struggled,
and I am that type of person that
if I do a thing for you 1,
don't wanna be perceived while I'm doing it,
but 2, I love it to be like
a little happy surprise that you walk in
and go, oh, this is already done me.
I get a lot of fucking kick out
of that. I pure joy when I can
have a thing done and it's a pleasant
surprise. I don't know whether that's about. Haven't
investigated that.
So I just started doing it. I just
it would be be part of my rounds
in the morning.
About his probiotic pot mine out, Move on
with my morning. Now. Now part of that
come about too because a lot of times
in the morning. Especially weekdays. She will start
her breakfast before. Oh, yeah. I head into
the kitchen. Yeah. Your sipping on your coffee.
Long past the time, I'm ready to nam
my own arm off.
So
1 day, and I don't remember what I
was thinking about why I didn't do it.
Mh. But I remember in my head going.
Well, it's not an official task. I'm supposed
to do.
I'm not even sure anymore why I'm doing
it. And for whatever reason that day, I
was like, I just don't feel like doing
it. And so I didn't.
And when Jb went to have his breakfast,
which is when he takes biotic
he
in a calm patient
Daddy Dumb blew a gasket. Mh. He was
mad y'all. He was like, where's my probiotic?
I was like, I didn't do it.
And he went, why the hell not? And
I'm like, excuse me
excuse No. Nope. That is not a negotiated
task.
And he was... Seized he's not his grumpy
face on because was before breakfast fee, you
know, yes, he had coffee, no to breakfast
though a little hungry. About half a cup
of coffee. Little hungry. And so in that
moment I went.
Would you like it to be a negotiated
task.
We did that negotiation in about 30 minutes.
30 against yes.
Yeah. Yep. Is this something you want me
to do every day? Mh. You went, why?
Yes. I would. I is fine. And now
every day. You know, part of the product
in
with it not being there that day. Mh.
I was like, I was in my head.
I'm like, Did I take it? Did I
not take it. I don't remember taking it,
but I might have taken it.
I don't know if I took it. Mh
You
doing 1 of those begging forth it. So
Yes. And so, yeah. But because I had
set that expectation and had been consistent. Like,
I think... 1 thing if you do it
1 time, and then you don't do it
again for a long time. Mh. You it
was... It was a 1 off, and You
might have a partner who goes, hey, could
you do that for me again?
Sure, of course or negotiating. You know you
can't. But it was the fact that I
got into a bit of a routine.
And so I set the expectation for Jb,
and I I wondered at the time, we
didn't really talk about it. If it was
because...
Because the things I do is tasks are
so
routine oriented.
If you just sort of assumed that we
must have had the converse station because here
I was
doing it consistently. Yeah. No. I I know
we didn't have the con.
When He has not hitting the bottle. Y'all.
I promise. I'm sorry, Folks. I
I mean, you want him to now now
that I am so sorry.
But anyway, no. I I knew that you
hadn't
you know, that we hadn't talked about it.
Mh.
But,
you had been doing it for so long
Mh. At that point,
that I just become used to it. So
it's funny because to me in my memory
of it at least or my perception I
didn't think I've been doing it that 1.
0, yeah. How any idea? Because I would
say probably
3 months maybe. Oh, no. It would definitely
I don't think Oh, yeah. Oh yes. I
feel like it was a few weeks. No.
No. Much longer than We'll have to agree
to degree on that Good.
But... And what I wish I remembered, I
didn't know it would be content later. What
I wish I remembered
is why in that 1 day I went...
No. I don't have to do it. Because
when something is part of my routine,
I just I just get on with it.
Yeah. Think
I think I've gotten maybe a little bored
with that. Wasn't it was an exciting and
interesting
I don't know. I don't know why that
matters, but I know how I am. And
sometimes that matters.
But, yeah, that was a real swift in
the moment. Yeah. Task
negotiation. Mh.
It did her... I mean, I was annoyed
because I knew we had negotiated it. Yeah.
But I also understood Jb perspective. I have
gotten him used to it? He... There... Why
wouldn't he expect me to keep doing a
thing I've been doing
every day for somewhere between 1 and 3
months will agree to disagree.
So I I totally get your perspective. What
helped in that moment is how quickly you
backed off when I reminded you this was
not 1 of my tasks to follow
And I think it helped that I immediately
turned to when, would you like it to
be so we could get it resolved. And
then after that 1 day, I I have
been later in the morning with it sometimes,
but I've never not done never forgotten in
her. Yeah. If And,
okay. Let me ask you this. Mh.
The the the current box of probiotic that
we have. Yes. When was that bought?
A month ago.
Okay. Then it's been at least 2 months
because it was the... You were doing it
with the prior
Yeah.
Do you know how long ago we negotiated
that?
Task... Do you know how long I've been
doing that task for you?
2 or 3 years.
It wasn't this box.
U.
It's been since we moved in. Here, but
I've been doing it 2 or 3 years
because we've been taking a probiotic
since
right before or right after my his direct
here
Just been couple of years now. We're the
hell Been.
I don't know
most certainly we've been taking a probiotic
longer than 3 months.
Oh, I.
Okay. I am just gonna go sit quietly
in the corner now.
You'll look very handsome while you do it.
I think the 1 you're thinking of.
Is the 1 that we...
I guess in a weird weird way. We
kind of negotiated it, but not in the...
We work very clear on our role here.
And that.
Stinky breakfast
I now I have to explain more
Scott explain what his stinky breakfast is.
Okay. So first, what what happened was, we
had been making our breakfast. Separate every morning
regardless of what we ate. Yeah.
And at some point over the past couple
of months, this has been a couple of
months.
I started coordinating
on the days that I wanted. Yes, I'll
explain it. Stinky breakfast.
I was like, why don't I just make
it for Jb? Like, this doesn't make sense
for us to waiting in line because we
use the air fryer, and it's like, we're
waiting in line to eat breakfast.
So I started making if I was gonna
eat stinky breakfast, I would make Jb stinky
breakfast.
It's so weird when you have to, like,
say the language of your relationship
in front of people. So let me explain
real quick what
what a stinky breakfast is
k.
Stinky breakfast is, you start with an air
fryer and you get a tortilla.
We get the brewery
Yeah the big big ones.
And you put that inside
the air fryer basket. You kinda like like,
it's a little bowl. Yeah. Like you... It...
The sides come up and it forms like
a little bowl in there. Then you'd... Like
you can either scramble your eggs. I like
them scrambled. I just crack kale cracks them
and just drop them right in.
And then sprinkle some cheese. You can do
Ham. You can do whatever Wanna put ham
in there, put cheese like a like a
omelette on a burrito. Yeah. Open face stomp?
Yeah kind of. And and you
cook the air fryer. Cook near fryer. The
Internet taught us that. I I found that
recipe on on the What on the Internet,
and
else. Yeah. So the reason it's called stinky
breakfast though that's the breakfast. Yeah. The 14
year old. 1 for a time there was
waking up or was already awake at... We're
eating breakfast y'all between 06:30 and 7 in
the morning. That's what We. And for different
reasons, he would be awake or just waking
up at around that time for a while.
And
I don't know how
he's genetically my child. Or how he was
raised by Jb. But that child
hates cheese. Hates everything about it including the
smell, health So he started. We didn't realize
this till finally told us,
and he started hiding away in his room
and giving us, like sit on and make
a money faces, and he was like, your
breakfast
stinks, and so
because we... The 2 of us Jb and
myself are a bunch of fucking winning weirdo
house, we just started calling
thank breakfast.
And we... If the 14 year old is
awake at that time, and we weirdo what
1 or both of us want stinky breakfast
that morning.
We warn him, hey, we're closing your door
because it's stinky breakfast the morning.
So now you get an insight into our
weird little life room. Okay.
So
out of a need for efficiency because I
was tired to wait in turn because y'all
know. I was gonna let Jb go ahead
of me in line for something. Right? Including
the use of the air fryer. Yeah.
So I was tired waiting for my own
damn based. And I started offering
to make his stinky breakfast when I made
my... Because we have an air fryer with
dual dual. We can make. Yeah. 2 things
I went.
So it became this thing where 4
weeks.
Any day I was gonna have stinky breakfast.
The question was do you want stinky breakfast.
And in in 1 way, it wasn't task
creep because every day for a while I
asked. Right? And finally,
I realized what I was doing it. I
was just doing it. I was always asking,
but I was just doing it. And I
went, I'm tired to fucking ask it.
Let's just... Let's set a rule? Am I?
You know, would Jb prefer for me to
ask?
Or can we just 3 that on the
days that we both want stinky breakfast, God,
How many times can I say that?
Should made that a drinking game? You know,
am I gonna be the winner to make
it? And that... Yeah. It's still never been
like, what I think most people would consider,
like, a power exchange
negotiation where Mh. Hi. I'm The dom dome,
and I'm gonna tell you the sub, I
want you to do this and me, the
sub is gonna go, let me think about...
Okay. You know, whatever whatever. I don't know
why imaginary me talks at life, whatever.
Through This was just an in the moment
thing
where I've been doing it.
I was tired of having to ask every
fucking time.
We just handled it. Now, I want to
remind people because I think this can get
forgotten
that a task we in our power exchange
can be literally anything. Mh. And is only
a power exchange task air quote that if
we assign that meaning to it. So you
can do something for your partner as a
sub or a dom, and it not be
part of your power. You just do it
because you're the the best 1 to do
it. You want to do it for them,
whatever whatever. And it... You can still negotiate
that like, you negotiate anything else,
But it doesn't necessarily have to be part
of your... Power exchange because it's only my
submissive task
thing
because it gives me the feels being,
you know, submissive or because in my mind,
I'm doing this for my daddy dom. Right?
It's like the like the breakfast thing, that
started out as efficiency. I was just fucking
tired asking. But if I'm going to agree
to do something for Jb
on a consistent basis and I take that
on and make that part of my teen.
For me,
that becomes
part of the things I do as you're
submissive. Yeah.
And,
you know, I will say too
I'm not gonna say I do it all
the time, but I try to do it.
Good poor of the time, you know, because
it was something that wasn't
kinda negotiated
between us, you know, while, while your
creating
the stinky breakfast.
I kinda come behind you you're like, okay.
You done with this? I'll put this away
just... So can I tell you about that
in this? So I don't know that you
would consider a task creep
or something we need to negotiate because I
don't know if it hits you when the
dom feels. Okay? So I don't wanna... Yeah.
I don't wanna assign meaning when there is
a. But here's what I can tell you
about this.
We do that with any meal. If 1
of us is cooking in general. The other
1 of us is setting the table, getting
drinks, whatever whenever.
That being said.
I know this has happened to me when
I've been cooking, and I'm sure I've done
it to Jb. I just don't know how
you feel about it.
If they're... A day, a time. Breakfast lunch
dinner, I don't care,
where the
unspoken
expects tension is he will set the table.
While, I'm cooking,
and he gets distracted, and he does not
do it. I am... So annoyed. I immediately
become
a mid evil peasant woman who has to
do everything. I immediately become a single mom
with 2 jobs who loves her kids,
and, you know, can't make, like, like, my
life before marriage. Like, I immediately
think. I'm the most put upon human being.
Right, who has ever fucking lived. Why? Because
my
expectation
of the thing that he typically does what
we don't have as a hard and fast
role.
Is not being done. I'm like,
I have to do everything around here. That's
not fucking true. At.
The moment he shows up to do the
thing. I calm the fuck down.
My favorite. My favorite is when I do
the superhuman thing of, I'm cooking,
and I set the table, get the drinks
put the condiments out do the whole thing,
and he walks and goes, Oh, you got
it done, and then I ba in the
glory that I am clearly superhuman,
and I can do it
So what do you need me for? Nope.
Nope. To prevent that initial annoy. That's it
is.
But it, you know, is that a thing
that in any
relationship you should talk about so that you
don't have resentment and everybody kind of.
Understands what the expectations are. Absolutely.
Is that task creep? I don't think so
unless you've... Feel it within the power sharing.
Right? Like, it's a thing
that you're agreeing to do primarily
because you're my daddy doll and this is
part of the control and the whatever, not
as I am
a grown ass adult partner living in this
house with you and we gotta make it
run together like... Yeah. I think I think
Task creep can
occur outside of power range.
As somebody who was vanilla or for a
very long time ended
way more than my share
of the the household work. Abs are fucking
loot. But within power change. I think it's
about what does it mean to the power.
I think the conversation is different is what
I'm trying to say. The and I have
with you is your submissive
who is, you know, wants to be told
by her Daddy dom, what she needs to
be doing. Right? Mh. Is different.
Though maybe it's a subtle difference
from the life partner and wife who just
wants the household to run efficiently and to
know what the to manage
expectations for everybody. To kinda know is this
a rule of our household,
is this a rule within our relation shit.
I think that's what goes back to where
We're was saying, not every task is task
creep. It's not every task is automatically part
of your power exchange, like It only has
meaning if you assign meaning to it. You
know what I mean? And setting of the
table is an a an
equitable
kind of thing we both do it to
the best of our ability. Yeah, I don't
do it because I'm submissive. I think is
what I'm trying.
To say. Gotcha. Am I everything I think
so. Yeah. So
that's been so far
my personal service,
sickness submissive. Mh.
Experience with the idea of tax Creek. Mh.
From a dominant perspective,
do you feel like you have experienced this
where
mine aura another person's
expectations of you
of what you'll
do as the dom
changed because you took on something, but we
didn't talk about it, and now you've created
that expectation,
or you did something 1 time, and now
there's this
it's expectation yeah. Right. Right. Right right. I
I cannot think of anything off the top.
Of my head. And,
I wanna... The
I wanna put it out there as a
as a thing that can happen because I
have no doubt that it can happen. But
I also think it's... It may be less
common in power exchange dynamics specifically because
most of the time?
No,
Or many times? No more times than not.
As a I'm gonna come to you and
ask. Yeah. Right? Or you're gonna come to
me and offer or ask me can can
you know, you okay if I do this.
And the opportunity for negotiation is
there in a more clear, you way most
of the time. Mh. Because if I ask
you to do something for me. Right? Yeah.
You can just tell me no if you
don't wanna do it. Right?
That doesn't
mean that somebody can't feel a dominant can't
feel an obligation to do a thing
because they did it. Months before twice before
done before. And that I think is the
thing I want
people of either side of the slash to
realize it's that
until you've negotiated it. The only
obligation you
ought to feel and mh. Air quote that
is do you want to do it for
your partner? And and I I think here's
kind of an idea of that.
Because, you know, we've... We've been having to
do
some shifting
here around the house.
Because of
a lot of things going on. Mh
you know, working with the
the youngest health and trying to get them
through
school and... I can't wait till eighth grades
officially over our home school child. You know.
It's getting closer.
I can see the end. I just wanna
grab him and drag across the finish line,
you know. But
but anyway,
you know, and and in between all that,
she's trying to pull in some some, you
know, extra writing.
And,
you know, we didn't really talk about it
per s, but you know, I kinda started
taking over the full load of of doing
all the laundry again. Oh, my god. The
couple of times. So this is what's funny
about that's speaking of this topic. A few
times you did that for me, where our
current
negotiated
process is Jb b washes and dries, he
gets it out of the drive all because
I know me. I can get it in
the washer and the dryer, I'll forget all
the fuck about it. It exists yeah. He
did laundry the full thing for so long
when my freelance writing
went through the fuck roof for a couple
of years there.
He burned out. So we renegotiate a few
years ago, split the difference, went with our...
What we're willing to do our strengths and
Right doesn't overwhelm us. Okay. Fine. What we
will do for each other as a nice
thing is sometimes we will do the other
person's side. My mother's day gift this year
among many things that were done for me.
Very service oriented for both Mother's day and
Father's Day days He did all the the
laundry for me, so I didn't have to
do. Right? Mh. He made sure I'd have
to wash a dish. I'm... The things I
just do to help the household brand.
For Father's day. I did the same thing.
I did
all of the laundry, so he didn't have
to. Right? Mh. Okay. Fine. So what that
means is that sometimes
we'll do the other person's half
because we're being nice and we see that
they could use the help or they're busy
or they're tired or yeah. Whatever. Right. But
we've never
negotiated that we will do that. It's just
the thing we do if we too have
the energy. Mh. Right So those few times
you did it, it was such a delightful
surprise.
Now. I don't know if this is my
people pleasing with. I don't know
if it is my service submission. I don't
maybe it's both.
I often
feels... So guilty
because what I think is that's my job
to do.
And I,
I can't think of the word I want,
but, like, over achieve from hell with
expectations that don't match reality,
think that I should be able to do
all the things all the time,
whatever.
I've been with you long enough
that I don't let that feeling sort of
overwhelmed. Right. I've I have the temporary. Oh,
I should've have done it. And then I've
gotten better at going Oh, but thing fuck.
I don't have to do it.
But that's 1 of those things where it's
a nice do and we know that the
other will do it. We also know that
in a
in a real bad moment, 1 of us
could go to the other and go, I
just I just can't this week can you
help me out. So I don't feel like
that would be something to negotiate because we're
not we're not trying to take on the
task we're trying to,
in a pleasant surprise kind of way, acknowledge
that the other person could use a break.
You know?
And then we do that once or twice,
and then we get back on track because
the person got their break. And then we
go until the in that 1 is more
of a... We're just ob ob observe of
each other. Mh.
And so I and I don't...
The way we used our power exchange communication
skills at
negotiation to negotiate the
divide of household tasks, but none very little
of that is
about Power exchange because it's about the household,
how we as 2 adults living in the
household, keep it running. That's not about our
power exchange. Because, while, yes, there absolutely plenty
of power exchange
relationships where the domestic tasks are the submissive
tasks. That's not how we roll around here.
My submissive tasks
in general
are in direct service of Jb and they
benefit nobody but Jb.
If it's to keep the house running, so
we don't think, and we're not dirty?
That to me is not a submissive task.
Yeah. That's a... I'm a adult who has
to make it through this crazy life task.
That's a... I don't want my house to
get condemned because I didn't take care of
it. Right. Task. Right? And the
negotiations, I think should still occur because household
labor is labor, and everybody who is capable
of participating opt to.
But that... I think you can handle Task
creep can still happen there,
but that's to me outside of the scope
of power exchange. Yeah. If that makes. Now
I I
have a little story to tell more funny
than anything kinda goes along with this a
little bit. Okay. No,
you know, Kayla
had
taken on the task for me, which has
has been a tremendous help of doing the
resin pores for the resin light paddle. For
the shop, the king for the shop.
And and that has been a big
boom for me. Mh. For that to to
have happened. And also what she has been
doing,
it, you know, when the
resin is all cured
to it's very uneven.
So she has taken on. I taught her
how to run the drum sand because it's
not a blade it's machinery, but I won't
hurt myself too bad with it. No. You
won't. Yeah.
And
she's she's been doing that initial
sanding. Mh.
So the other day, I was working out
in the garage.
I was gluing up knives. I was oil
wood and and doing some other things, and
I found myself having some time in between
where I was a standard t my thumbs,
and there was a stack of paddle.
Over there
ready to... Waiting to go through the sander.
So all I was like, well, since I
have be here, and I've got nothing else
to do at the moment. Let me start
running some of those
through the sander. Look at her paste. Look
at her podcast
you you can't see it, but it... It's
it's it's this
look of horror
on her face. Annoy, but it's fine. Annoy
with love with a ting of love.
So, you know, while I'm waiting for the
glue to set up on the on On
the knives I was gluing and to,
you know, slaps sticks to soak up the
oil and and be done. I'm I'm running
this. She comes out to the garage. To
ask me a question.
She opens door steps out into the garage.
She sees me at the drum sander. She
just stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth
dropped to the floor, She you would looked
at me and was, like, what are you
doing?
She said a not... The submissive voice over?
No. She did not. And it, you know,
it's almost like it's the opposite of Task
Creep. Yeah. Is the
you were doing... You were keeping yourself busy,
but you were doing me a favor. Yeah.
An I
am the rapidly
possessive control freak.
We've talked about that control issues. Yes. Missile
gonna have control issues who sees that as
my job. Again, not my submissive job. A
business job. Right?
And
I
I wanna say, it is a point of
growth and
maturation
that the initial thought I had of...
He's not gonna do it right. He's not
doing it its way. I do it. So
therefore it it's not the right way.
I did
shut that down
more quickly than you would realize or you
would want? I'm I'm glad I'm that seeing
as I was 1 who kind talk to
you how to do all this. That was
what I haven't tell myself I was like,
he knows it better than you. No. He's
the weather to tell you.
And I don't know what the...
I... Maybe it's just called being an un
uncomfortable little bitch.
Does it know how to... The accept help.
The mother... The scorpio bit from hell. But,
you know what? The way I that too.
The way...
And this might be just meat other people
me and nobody else may relate, but I'll
tell you from my perspective.
I think that
in a weird way is how me I
can let tasks creep up on me.
Because there's the control issues of I have
a way to do it, I know I
can get it done. Right. Just let me
do it.
Tied to
the... Deep, deep desire that I have to
take care of you do for you,
you know, make your life easier, all the
things that speak to me as a service
mess.
So
when I see a thing that needs to
be done in a moment. And I know
in that moment,
I can do it free you. Mh.
That's just me be a nice and I
just took on an extra thing and it's
fine. It becomes task creep
when I
slot it right into my routine, and I
start doing it, except we've never talked about
it. So 1, let's be clear here. I
don't know if he even wants me to
do it. Now
we have good communication skills. If I did
a little thing for him and he didn't
like me doing that. I'm a no. I
a know after maybe the first time. You
might let me slide the first time, I
do it. The second time you're gonna be
like, I did not ask you to do
this. Please Don't do this. Right.
But in general, if it benefits you in
some way and you are okay with me
doing it.
Then
I can let that just oh what's part
of my routine now. And it makes my
daddy happy. And I like making my daddy
happy and them. Mh. The day comes at
some point,
that I go, but I don't have to
do this because we didn't negotiate it. I
just won't do it today, and I really
don't know what wild hair gets mask for
that. Because I am so routine.
Pressure you something them. Go
stars are in alignment. But now I've created
the
expectation that I will do a thing. And
what can come with that is if I
know the expectation is there,
but also,
we haven't negotiated. That's where resentment can build.
Mh. So the thing to do,
the ideal thing to do, I'll say to
service missiles out there, maybe some submissive in
general. If you have an idea of a
thing to do for your partner that make
gives you all the good feels.
The ideal thing is to ask first, because
you do want their consent.
Some things are harmless putting out his probiotic
every day was a net good. It was
a net benefit it helped him because I
watched his ass struggle. Okay.
So
there are short hands and understanding that and
in in relationships after a while where you
don't have to ask everything Mh.
But it's still good practice in an ideal
world. It would have been weapon better for
me to say.
Do you want me to just do this
for you? And that we have had moments
like that where I've seen a thing. And
I'm like, I could totally just do that
for now. And I've asked, do you want
me to do this for you?
And sometimes
it's led to a conversation of yet, add
this on and sometimes like, I can handle
this, but today I could use some help.
Yeah. And that's the ideal thing is ask
first. Right? Ask if you can do the
thing, ask if they want you to do
the thing that opens up the ability to
negotiate it, so you both are on the
same fucking page.
If you don't do that because you have
that kind of relationship where that shorthand is
sort of happens. Right?
And or if you're the type of person
is like, I see a need, I must
fill it. They won't even know it's me.
Happens until they see the job done. I'm
like a little fairy. I don't know what
the. I'm I'm I'm a kinky Santa's elf.
Just wants to, like,
in service to my job,
have him walk and be pleasantly surprised at
what I fucking did for him.
I get an extreme amount of satisfaction action
and validation for that, I don't know.
But if if you don't have the conversation
on the front side and now you find
yourself doing things that in your mind, you're
going, but didn't...
This isn't on a rule that I have
to follow. Mh. But I'm getting somebody's fuss
at me because I'm not doing it. Stop.
I have the conversation. Right? The other thing,
and this is the harder 1
because sometimes people are unreasonable.
It is too... I mean it's aren't unreasonable
because you shouldn't be with? And sometimes aren't
unreasonable because sometimes people just... They need a
moment, and maybe they're hungry. I don't know.
Sometimes,
you're gonna have wanna who's gonna have partner
who asks you to do something, and they're
trying to negotiate a new task a new
ask and will you do this? For me,
daddy. Get out a little of that.
And you're not gonna wanna if Fucking can
do it.
To this ism out there. Please speak up
for yourself and say I don't want to
do that.
In an ideal world, your partner backs off
and or you brainstorm store between the 2
of you to figure out a way that
they get what they want and it's it
within your parameters. But the thing to remember
is that submissive are not under any
obligation
to say yes
to a negotiation a thing that be added
to your submissive of life for your dominance.
If you don't wanna fucking do it. That's
true. And that's hard. It's... I'm I'm saying
especially for your service of because I'm speaking
for my personal experience, and that is
I get great joy out of taking care
of Jb,
and it put hits me right in the
sub field. Those It's...
I've said this before, and I don't know
what this is about, and I should look
into it. I can feel a physical pain
in my body.
Those when Jb can't have something he wants.
When Jb b is disappointed, when I can't
give Jb b something he wants.
The fight for me. My own internal fight
is I have to be honest about what
I am capable of doing what I have
the energy levels for.
What I am willing to do because the
desire to to do things for Jb in
service of my dominant,
can
over power
my own good goddamn
sense of, you don't have any more time
in your date for that shit. Right. What
are you... And that that seems like that
is a danger or a downfall. All Mh.
To to task creep
because, you know, yeah, it's it's not something
that that was negotiated,
not something that was talked about. And and
you do it.
And
yeah.
1
of many, but 1
indication of...
Can this power exchange
potentially
go for the long term. Right? Potentially work
out be healthy and solid and something worth...
Having and fighting for
is
can either side of the slash,
handle being told no. Handle being told I
don't wanna do that. That's that's not a
thing I'm willing to do.
And I think
not always, but I think
many Kings find it, Easier and put air
quotes around that. Right because that's subjective.
To do it when we're talking about kinks.
No. I won't let you hit me. No.
I don't wanna be tied up. No. I
don't want to tee value you up and
call you names. Like, whatever.
Mh. But in power exchange where,
depending... No matter how you define your power
stranger or what your specific roles are, and
what kind of
power exchanger, the
relationship,
on some level, the submissive has to
do a thing
in some way that satisfies
the dom. The dom is going to demand
slash asks
request, things, and the submissive is going to
give up that control in some way to
do what's being asked of them. Mh. And
so I think
for some people,
especially if you...
You know, there's that part of you as
a submissive I'm speaking on that perspective for
you want to give your dominant what they
want.
I think too many people probably find it
harder,
to go... But I don't... That that I
don't want to do that. Like,
I'm
trying to think that about
if you came to me tomorrow and said
baby girl? I would like to go over
your task list...
Because you know, you know my buttons to
push and There's not a single task. He
sets for me that that we negotiate and
I agree to. That doesn't have some level
of I need you to do this for
me. The magic words are for me. Right?
Because I'm a sucker for that shit.
You came to me tomorrow and said for
me, baby girl. For my life from my
sanity for my mental health. Mh.
I need you
to take on the task of doing every
stitch laundry that we have work clothes, regular
clothes,
towels,
sheets. Mh. All of that. I don't wanna
do that anymore, and I want you as
my submissive to do that for me.
If he caught me in the right slash
wrong mood. He'd probably get a sassy cheeky
little answer. Okay?
But if we were, like, having, like, doing
the state of the union on our power
exchange, and we were like, let's
reconfigure things. Right.
I know that my initial non sarcastic response
would want to be yes.
Except 1, I fucking hate laundry
I can tolerate doing we part of it.
Right? I can make myself do that. 2,
within 2 we we'd don't be walking around
here, naked anyway because I...
Sometimes my only task is to fold it
and it still sits there for 4 days
before I finally get to it. And it's
1 of those things I would have to
be able to look at Jb and go.
I love you. I'm your submissive.
I'll do so much for you. But and
I'll do anything for love, but I won't
do that. Do that.
And that
that is
1 of many.
Reasons why
communications, slash negotiation, negotiation is just another word
for. Y'all. Yeah. Is so important
But it's also the insidious of where at
least for submissive, I can absolutely see
task creep occurring. Mh. Your ass to do
as a 1 off or you see a
need to help your partner and you do
something that you don't normally do as a
1 off. Next, you know there's an expectation
being created next thing, you know, you've got
a partner asking you, hey, as your dominant,
I'd like to ask you to do this.
It takes
sometimes more strengthen you might think you have,
but you do asset to go. I understand
that you want this, I cannot give it
to you in the way you're you're asking
for right now. Now,
negotiation tends to mean you can do the
back and forth. Mh Like, if you... It's
kind of what we did. You came to
me went. I'm so. On I'm fucking laundry.
I can't do this anymore. And I went,
I can't do it sorry.
Because I do know myself. And the
negotiation was, can you give a little and
I'll give a little? Right.
Sometimes
the answer is no. Sometimes it's so far
outside of your zone, you're like, pale fuck,
no. I'm not doing it. And no is
a complete sentence. You are not
obligated to to justify yourself and give 80
Ba reasons to a partner why you can't
do it. You can choose. Too. I'm happy
to tell Jb, You don't want me to
be responsible for that because we are gonna
be naked. Right?
The thing to... And this is just negotiation
01:01, I think at this point. The thing
to look for
in that instance is not just can your
part or accept no,
especially as a full fucking sentence either side
of slash on that 1.
It's
when they try to... Because sometimes you're really
good at this I go new. I can't
do that. Most often you. Okay. We'll figure
something else out, or you come back with
could you do this? And if I can
do this alternative. I will.
The the harder to to know if it's
gonna happen part is the partner who goes
starts doing the pressure thing and starts trying
to re word and twist the concept. So
It doesn't... They're they're getting more than they're
giving. Right? Right Like,
we split laundry in half. We split taking
care of the kitchen in half. The person
who cooks
does not wash the dishes now. Right generally.
Again, that's not Power exchange Cha household shit.
Right?
But if Jb was that We gross kind
of partner who was, like, well, You could
do it for me this? And could you
do that? Or if I said, hey, no.
I don't wanna do it that way. And
here's why. Yeah. Then what he did was
try and talk around my reason to make
my reason sound stupid to me so that
I backed off and went like, okay. If
you want me to That kind of thing.
Now.
Excuse me. That
kind of borders on something to master frostbite
said in the aisle.
Chat? Mh.
Said, so,
could
this
fall in the scope
of being a king dispenser?
Oh, like, from the dom side of things
Abs so fucking lily. If a dom... I
mean, the concept is the same. I just...
I'm curious as to how common it is.
If a dom does a thing for their
submissive
1 time. Mh. That wasn't necessarily negotiated, but
that they were like, yeah, we'll do that
thing, that you wanted to do. I'll I'll
leave that dom for you in that way.
Right. And then you set... And then there's
an expectation created. And sometimes you can hear
a person kind of doing that With, like,
well you did it for me last time.
And and, you know, yeah. That's that's something
that
you know,
could very definitely happen. And and on either
side, Yeah. Like that. Because, you know, you
as as a submissive,
you know, you could just take on more
and more and more sitting there. Well, yeah.
Look like she doing all great. Great. Right.
Nothing no. Right. And there arcs. And I
know I know that these dom exist. They're
absolutely dom exist. Think that's what missiles are
there for. Mh.
I am when I am able to. I'll
take on as much as I can hand.
I'll take on more
too much to my own detriment. Thankfully. I
have a partner who will not let me
do.
But I'm also willing to do that. That's
not just because I'm,
you know, let around by my own fucking
urges. It's because I'm receiving
as much as I'm giving, You know, I
have a partner. I have a person who
if I, you know, go to Jb 4
help or guidance or please please decide this
for me. Right? He's gonna do that. He's
going to fulfill his side of the bargain
here.
And that's why
task creep for us has been a 1
off. It's been a thing that got just
figured out real quick. Yeah. It's never been
a thing where
resentment was allowed to build within me.
Because once we recognized the thing was happening,
we just
dealt with it. Mh.
But also, he has proven over the years
that if he sees me doing too much,
he will... I will shut it down. Absolutely.
And
that's that's the... You know, we talk about
the responsibility
both sides have responsibility, but the responsibility of
a dom,
is not to just take and take and
take and take every fucking thing a submissive
will give them. It's to
sometimes
within the scope of your power. Change,
protect a missile from the fucking south. Right.
And and, you know, and and that's kind
why
you know, we had
kind a thing going on with with the
youngest,
and and and and this nice lady over
here,
you know, she she was bearing the brunt
of all the home
and and still taking care of her
tasks and doing her work and doing everything
out
and and that's when I finally stepped in
and we've gotten a little bit more... We've
gotten a little better. We have... More equitable
More more equitable. We've we've
established a little better routine that works
better for all of us. Mh.
And
Yeah. I I step in and and help
more even with the homeschool and And I've
gotten better at just asking you. That's another
thing. And I've... Again, this can be either
of the slash because I think this is
personality based. I just know from experience. It
happens to plenty of submissive, including myself. And
that is
as a submissive as a person in a
power change. You got to figure out how
to learn how to ask for help. Now
does your partner of either side of the
slash
need to be a person who for will
give you that help who will step in
when you need support, who is paying enough
fucking attention to some, I'm see that you
need support before you Ask for. Mh. Yes.
Okay. 1 1
not easy but clear way to weed out.
A shitty shitty partner is what do they
do when you need help? You know, do
you even feel like you can ask for
help, but a I
probably knew.
I could ask for help long before I
started asking for help, and I still fucking
struggle. Give you example that has nothing new
with Power change. It's just about people in
a relationship.
The youngest has health issues and so what
he eats him when he eats is of
the utmost important these days. It's top priority
over everything. Mh. Mh. So when that kid
says, mom, I'm hungry, and I want this.
I stop everything. Doesn't fucking matter.
I am making him something to eat, and
I have a raging headache
and I am I'm desperately thirsty, like, should
have been drinking more water.
And I know that what needs the way
my
I know what could have happened. I know
all the ways I could've have done it,
but I know based on how I am.
I was like, I'm gonna start on his
food, But I also know how to distracted
it it. Right? So I I said, Jb
I was like, and it was the third
thing I had asked for help on in
the same day, and that's just not like
me. And I like oh my. I can't
believe I'm asking this. Oh my. I'm so.
He's was like, what, Just fucking ask me.
And I'm like, look, I gotta start making
this thing and it takes concentration. Could you
grab me some ibuprofen. Could you get me
something drink, and I'll pop it down real
quick while I'm doing this He's like, of
course, I fucking will.
Everybody out there deserves a partner that within
their abilities
gives help that enthusiastically.
It needs to be reciprocate.
You can't just be asking for help all
the time and never given it.
But that is another way to sometimes
avoid task creep. If you are the person,
either side of the slash, who thinks that
you are the best person for the job,
and you have all the things and people
are counting on you, and I know dominance
who feel that way. And you just go...
Well, I'll just do it. Just do it.
I'll just do it. You'll get task creep
that's not... Well habit,
you'll just take it on all the time
and then you're overwhelmed deed. We all deserve
the kind of relationship where we can at
as hard as it is. We can ask
a partner. Can you help me? And that
help
should not be conditional,
conditional on you not being an asshole in
your relationship, but this is not be conditional,
and it should be not just for the
big things when your life is... Floating around
you, but also when you just needed a
couple of Ibuprofen that was lost in the
depths of your purse,
and a refresh on your water, that, you
had left scattered to the winds in house.
III will say that,
you know, when when some of this
started
Creeping up.
I I love you. I love you so
much.
You you're the light of my life.
There are times,
you are a marty, and you will fall
on your sword. Oh, god. I then have
an attitude. Yeah.
And I'm. So sorry.
You know, you never asked for help. I
know. We can do task creep to ourselves
for fucking sure. You take on you take
on you take on. You do not ask
for help. And then again, you're the single
mom with 2 jobs
who loves your kids, and, you know, what
I can't remember the the Lyrics of the
song, but y'all know what I'm talking about,
Like,
yes.
Yes. I am I immediately become the most
put upon human being ever. And I...
Y'all, it is not a good look. It
is 1 of my red flags is I'm
not proud of it. Okay?
But, yeah. I... I mean, and that's why
you know, when the urge to ask for
help hit. Mh. I usually ignore that urge.
Okay. I usually just power through.
It... I stumbled. You heard me stumble over
my words because what I said was, I
wanna ask this thing, but I feel bad
asking for help for this because I could
just do it. I know I'm capable of
just doing it. And you were like, what
the fuck is it woman
In your case, you're so fucking eager to
help. You're like, please just ask me right.
Wow.
I know. And you know what? I I
know that happens in power exchange on either
side of the slash because there are plenty
of domes who
think they have to do it all, and
they have to carry it all on their
shoulders. And they've got some supporters who are
like, I would I would kill to fucking
help you, please give me something to do.
And then there is like me who are
like, nope. Nope. I got it. I've been
self sufficient. My whole ass adult life. I'll
just keep on going
I'm gonna say this wrong, and I'm not
a mental health professional, So I'm I might
not be using it quite correctly,
but there's this
thing I that keeps cutting up in my
feeds about
the coping mechanisms
that we learned through tough times life could
be childhood could be formal relationships.
Become I think the term is m
because they were helpful when we needed them.
Right? I need. I had a look life
where if I didn't do it, it didn't
get done, and that was, like, the most
important shit too didn't get done. So I
life figure out how to just do it
all and be burnout out and be exhausted.
But here I am no longer in that
kind of situation, and I still fall back
on that coping mechanism,
but it's no longer helpful. Yeah. And and,
you know, I... I have gotten better about
it. Still have a long way to go.
I am not always the best at asking
for help myself. No. For your own reasons
that are not that much different than mine.
Yeah. You know. And yeah, It it was
just recently that
I
had come to find out that a good
part of that it can be trauma related.
Mh. Mh. And
after hearing that, I I kinda started looking
back at my life and
Oh.
Sometimes you could pinpoint, the exact moment that
got hard coded into you. Yeah. You know,
asking for help is not just... Go ahead.
I'm sorry. And and, you know, there there
was a a certain
aspect of it too because in
in past
relationships,
even if I did ask for help,
I was just
dismissed. Sure. It's sure sure.
No. But you have...
See, I think you kind of have a
cheat code, and I think more dom with
service submissive have a cheat code that they
don't know about.
You don't ask me for help.
You don't use those words?
Not you rarely use those words. Do you
know what you do? I have a task
for you, baby girl?
You know what I'm fucking doing in that
house. I'm helping him. But he didn't have
to use the words help. He didn't actually
have tasks. That is not... Fucking criticism. That's
another coping skill. That's a way to get
the thing you need,
but avoid the part of it. That's hard
for you. Y'all use it. Make it a
check code.
Dom okay.
Because here's the thing everything you've ever
asked me to do as a task for
you specifically that was off the routine. Mh.
Was to your direct benefit. It helped you
in some way net.
You don't give me enough tasks for the
amount of help. I'm pretty sure you need.
Okay? So it's not like a per big
system. No. But it is your workaround where
you get the same outcome. You got some
help. Mh. That you got to avoid that
dreaded h Hard heart. Yeah.
Right. Now, should you practice actually asking for
help just like you require me to get
better at asking for Yes. I think you
should.
Here's the thing about asking for help is
not just
potentially part of word task. Creek can start.
Right? I mean, if we go back to
the original definition we're stealing from on Job
creep and roll Cr.
Somebody asked you for help at your job
and you said yes, and then that created
the expectation, you would always do it. Right?
That can happen in Power exchange 2.
You ask for you get asked for help,
you provide your help,
You get asked again. You say yes again,
and then it... The expectation is set, but
you haven't actually sat out and gone, hey,
Is this a thing you want me to
regularly do in our powerpoint?
But another thing that asking for help can
do if you are aware of what can
happen is, and I've sometimes do this.
With things that I can see could be
routine oriented,
that can open the
conversation for
negotiation.
If you came and ask, you know,
you asked me for help, this is not
power exchange for this business. You asked me
for help doing work resin work. On the
panels we sell.
I think within that first conversation because you
were explained to me what it would take.
I could see
that would be a thing that would need
to be repeated? What I was able to
do is go, is this something you want
me to do on a regular basis.
You thought you were asked skiing for 1
off help. Yeah. I could see where this
is a thing that's gonna come up
right. More than 1. Yeah. And so because
I could fore see that, you out there
being asked for help if you can foresee
this. You immediately get the opportunity to have
the conversation. You avoid task creep altogether, you
sit down and wash it out. Mh. You
know, is this something you would like me
to do more regularly for you? Would that
be beneficial to you? Right? And that was
how that
conversation happened. Yeah.
So
for don's out there who struggle because I
know you do because you send questions about
it? With
what tasks do I give a submissive of,
how do I set those up, How do
I figure that out. We've said this before.
1. I'm a keep on saying it. What
would you like help with? What when do
you have to do routinely that you
dread?
That you struggle with,
that if you did not have to think
about it much anymore, your life would be
a little bit better.
You ask for help, and you can you
can start it with, will you help me
with this and see if they're even willing
to do it and can do it and
you like the way they can do it
and let it lead into the converse conversation,
or
instead saying I have a task. I wanna
set rules. I wanna... You can have that
conversation, but if that is a struggle, say,
I need your help with something.
But I need that help on a consistent
on going basis.
It becomes a task. It becomes part of
your protocol. It becomes a routine,
Next thing you know if it has meaning
to 1 or both you, it's part of
your power strange.
True. And you avoided the creep pass greek
part. Might just fucking having the conversation. Just
talk. Yeah. At the front. But if you're
are... If you're thinking about the concept of
task and you're looking around your power change
going, oh,
I can relate to some of that.
The easiest way is just to to go
talk to your partner now? What that might
look like is, can we talk about it
right now? Or can we set a time
to talk about it or when can we
talk about this?
And
assume you're not in toxic relationship where you
both actually kind of hate 1 another.
I think
you kinda start off in the... Maybe you
probably haven't noticed that I've done this or
maybe you thought we had this conversation, but
we didn't...
I'd just like to formal it. Because then
in in those
negotiations, you can do that back and forth
of. I've done it this way for you,
non un renegotiate and
here's what works and here's what doesn't. Right?
I'm happy to do this part, but can
we modify that part. Right? Maybe you share
some of the the effort and the work
and the burden. Maybe you don't. Maybe your
partner goes, yeah. You've been doing that for
me and I appreciate it, but fucking meet
that. Like, you don't have to do it
at all. Right? You don't know until you
have the conversation. Right? And
of the 10000000 signs over 401
episodes now that we've probably shared of how
to kinda tell you're dealing with a Dud
partner.
If if they don't care that you've experienced
Task creep, if they don't care to fix
it. If they don't wanna have the conversation,
if they act
put out that a thing you never actually
negotiated and agreed to, you're coming to them
and would like to alter it or make
it formal. If they
are shitty about it. I feel like you
know some shit now about them.
Because.
None of us have are should be expected
to be perfect partners, but healthy partners partners
who are putting in legitimate effort.
They want you to negotiate this. They want
there to have been
conversation about it. They want you to want
to do the things.
Maybe not because you're excited about the task
because it has meaning for you because it
makes you feel good in some way because
whatever. You know it helps your partner. Like,
whatever the thing is is that makes you
all warm and gooey and inside
the kind of partner you want long term
wants that for you.
So they're not gonna, like,
try to get out of just having a
conversation even if it means a thing you
did for them
non negotiated, you don't do for them anymore.
And, you know, it goes back to
pay attention to how that person responds when
you say no, because that'll tilt... That will
tell you every fucking thing. Not tell you
that right now. Well, assuming they're not some
gross snake in the grass who
is professional liar. That's different. Most people aren't
like that.
So
I think that's Task creep.
Here's the thing. We hit the 07:20
mark, and I want, U0I
might not have a lot to say about
this.
We got into the communication side.
I always have things to say. Very go.
So all that being said, if you don't
have anything else you'd like to add,
we can do about section. Okay. So are
we good? I don't know.
Keep
y'all. And we will not see you next
week. We'll see you in 2 weeks.
Yes Big. Can we talk to the crickets,
please? Sure.
Okay.
What do you wanna talk about? Oh, I'm
just counting on you to have something. Well,
for the Youtube folks, I've already bitch about
how? I'm very excited my mother's coming. But
also, it is stressful
because people who love a plan still won't
make a plan. I don't understand that I.
I'm
Here's the thing... You know what it is.
We also are raging people please who don't
want to
step on the toes of a offend or
in any way, annoy each other, and we
mean the 3 of us... None of us
are afraid of offend our partners
or annoying them. We kind of revel in
it.
Mh. Look, the Sas had to come from
somewhere.
Yeah. I know. I... Oh I'd I... It
runs a deep. But it is 1 of
the most
annoying
factors of a family visit when the sisters
get together. Now here's the thing here... And
I don't know if anybody else can relate
this.
I know. I'm a 44 year old grown
ass woman with 2 children, my own fucking
business
who pays her own mortgage.
And yet, I do not
feel like, and you can tell me because
you've watched the... Mh, the dynamics.
I do not feel like I could tell
these women who are 20 years older than
me,
what I think we ought to do and
they would accept it because
both my mother and my aunt.
I have 44 years. Oh y'all, and they
still like to tell the stories of when
I was a little kid in diapers. I
that's just... I think that's just a common
thing they still see it that way. So
I hesitate. Like, I know what I'd like
to tell them to do look. You're gonna
go to your house. I'm a go to
mine. I'll see you for dinner at your
house on these days, After that, I don't
fucking care. Like, that's what I would say.
But I don't think they would. Up that
for me. Probably not. M. No. M.
No. M.
But now they've accepted it for me when
I've...
Because you got that dom voice and you
are their age. You are in between my
aunt and my mom. Yeah. He's 1 year
younger than my mom young.
Yeah. Well, part of that is I like
older partners. And part of that is my
mother was only 19 when I was born
so. Yeah.
It would act to me. It would be
weirder if you were older than her.
It's
think okay. Think that would make me go.
But you have... You know, first of all,
they give you that respect of knowing y'all
are all the same generation. Y'all within 2
years of like whatever you're right in the
middle.
Part of that is,
you are...
You doing this with a lot of people
I don't think you realize.
When the people in who are closest to
you in your life, figure out that they
can trust to you and that you're 1
of their peeps people
you you just have their confidence. Like, my
mother who trusts no fucking body. Had to
get that from somewhere too.
You tell her to journal she will almost
ask How high. She will at least say
in what direction. Point me in the right
direction I got this. Right? Like, you just
have that air about you. You have that,
they you inspire that level of confidence, at
least in my family. Mh.
I know you're thinking of your family like,
ma'am. Yeah.
Sure how mess anyway, but, yeah but, yeah,
Like... But you also have that big d
voice.
Look, this is... I mean, I know where
wearing bonus action, and this is probably in
the realm of
education. I need to know.
In your opinion from your experience, so we're
not speak for all dom out there. Mh.
Is the dom voice
something you're born with or you just learn?
Or combo,
because it's your fern stern voice is what
it is. You know, I...
I think it just kinda kicks in when
need.
Choke on a fucking straw.
And with 3 unruly women in the house
going, I don't know what do you wanna
do? I don't know any
I don't know how you put up a
gotta fucking make his decision. Look. You wanna
know how he puts up with us? He
goes, no no. You go spend the whole
day with your mother.
I'm gonna stay here You Nope. Nope. I
don't wanna go to lunch. You don't have
to bring me anything back. Nope. I gotta
self new hair. Right. I'm gonna... Yeah. I
don't... No. You don't have to tell me
how long you're gonna be gone. Just just
go
get in the car, enjoy yourself. Have have...
Spend... Spend some quality your on.
Man. Me and my mom together just the
2 us.
We are enough a like that decision making
is easier.
We're also not afraid to offend each other
because
without the buffer of her visiting her sister,
my aunt at the same time, she and
I can handle 1 another for about 48
to 72 hours.
And then we're done. Done. Yeah done. We've
had we've talked all we can talk. We've
done all we can do.
We need separate corners now.
But we stretch that out because she stays
at my end. House,
and then comes here and she comes here
to get peace.
I my aunt, lets her cut here, so
she could get peace and... Right. It somehow
works. But, yeah. Yep. Yep. So, yeah, that's
the thing coming up next week, But day
after this recording Thursday,
we have got to clean this house from
top to bottom. Yeah.
I am both dread it because I'm fucking
hate cleaning.
And also,
it's 1 of those things I don't want
to clean, but I want to have the
cleaning done.
And so I I know.
I will be very happy when it is
done after I take a shower and get
the sweat off of me. Have clean clothes
on again because I'll be like, oh, look
at my house.
I have my whole adult life have felt
so guilty about my lack of desire to
clean because my lack of desire means lack
of action. If I don't wanna fucking do
it.
Oh, unless you're paying me for it or
you're my daddy and you tell me I
have to.
I don't usually do it.
Which is actually part of the
topic that we'll do the week we come
back. I've already gotten that prepped.
But
the the cleaning 1, I I've always felt
guilty about it because I was raised with
a clean freak mom. Like,
her house has her, and the evil step,
not pet, not a child, not nothing. Mh.
And she mop every day. Y'all.
They're not tracking in mud at that house
either. She mop everything day eat off the.
Floor Yes.
And I am not like that. But part
of it
is that I
cleaning,
anything.
Anything. Mh. Feels like the most inefficient thing
you can do why because you will clean
a thing. You will clean it, it will
look beautiful. I'm only gonna get dirty again.
And you have to clean it so get
it didn't. Because you don't... I get it.
You don't want things to stay dirty. That
can be broke fast. Like, I get it.
But my brain goes,
I have to keep doing this thing. Oh,
it's already the most
boring thing I can think of. It is...
Also on top of that, the most inefficient
thing.
Ever.
You mean I have to just keep doing
it forever.
Nothing just
stays clean, and I know that, of course,
that's how the world works. With man.
If you're gonna ask me if about got
any fucking motivation to do.
Okay. Y'all. I'm probably gonna grow some clean
freak out out there. Completely out. You're gonna
be like, oh, my god. I Don't worry.
You never will come to my house and
never have to use any of my stuff.
The the night... Oh 0 god he's not
19 yet. The 18 year old texted it.
He started to lean into the... There are
adult things. I don't know how to do.
Let me ask my mom.
He texted me and went, how often should
you wash your shower curtain? And I went.
No. Think that's a thing I'm supposed to
know, but my my rule of thumb has
been when it gets gross enough that I
notice. It's time to wash it,
And so we talked about how you do
that. Now. I'm, like, I know how to
do these things.
So he called right after he texted and
we're talking.
And he goes,
he goes... He said something, and I went
no. You don't understand.
I said, I didn't know until the Internet.
Taught me in the past 2 years that
you could wash in the washing machine, the
plastic liner to your shocker. I y'all.
I did not know that because when I
was growing up, we were too fucking poor
for a liner. The liner was our shower
curtain what you're talking about. And my mother
cleaned that thing daily. So I didn't know
you could throw it in washing machine. Mh.
I said, dude, do you have no idea
how
many years I spent,
not no 1 I could clean the thing?
Waiting for it to get so gross. I
didn't want it to touch me
to throw it away. It was clearly done
to go fine.
I'm I'm better now y'all. The shower curtain
for the 1 shower curtain we have because
our our shower has a door. It gets
washed, semi humor.
Usually, when I think my mother is gonna
see it. And I'm like, oh no.
Am I proud
of that? No.
Is it reality
Yes.
Look, everybody has their strengths and everybody has
their challenges and opportunities or weaknesses, However, whatever
corporate speak you wanna use.
I keep
I do not keep a tidy house,
but I hate clutter, so that's annoying.
I won't let our house get grow gross.
Jb won't let our house not gross. The
house is not gross. But we're not going...
It's not eat off the floor clean. It's
lived in. In. Live home is lived in.
Gross Yeah. I mean, it's not...
I mean, yeah. It's not condemn, but...
Look, I've had family members who had that,
So I know what the extreme can be.
Yeah. I made the decision because I don't
know. I've already made it clear. I'm I'm
not the the neat freak cruise walking around
cleaning her floors every day. Yeah.
The moment I had the first kid. I
went. Oh, we're... I'm not fighting this. We're
gonna keep it clean enough that it's not...
There's no need for hazmat. Suits, we're gonna
let these children get out before I worry
about how neat and tidy anything is. So
we... I still... I'm not worried about having
super nice furniture. We have a few nice
pieces from when we moved in, But it
was because the kids were old enough. I
wouldn't worried about them drawing on our dining
room table. Right. Right. Right? But we still
have plenty of stuff. It's, like, we got
we got dog, cat and kids. Mh. The
couch is gonna look like shit. It'll be
fine.
Not worried about it. Yeah. Yeah. We're getting
to the point with with all the animals
in the sofa. We're gonna need AAA
throw to go over the Yeah cover something
to go over the... Yes.
Yeah. But that's why I'm so happy. We
have even though she's on the sad sad
end of failing.
We have Rosie the Roomba. Yeah.
Because
that the floors are not g task and
that is
matters.
But, yeah, like, look, I'm not I'm not
proud of it.
I am less ashamed than I used to
be. The internet showed me that there there
are people who are way worse than me
and there are people who are, like, I'm
on that level with them, and I'm like,
okay. Okay. And What... Was it show we
we started walking while back. Oh my god.
It was the was it the horror show?
It wasn't quarters, but it was... They they
were like, the the cleaners the Yeah. They
would go into these hoarding
hoarding homes Homes. And clean them out, and
they were, like... It they were like the
crew that came in in protective gear.
Oh my god.
Oh,
there are 2 things I've watched
in the past couple years that just make
me feel better as an adult human being.
1 is that show because I'm like, well.
You know, the thing is that that show
is sad though because it's usually a sign
of either mental health problems, mental illness or
physical disability. They just can't do it, and
they don't have help. Right. And that is
sad, but there's also that visceral reaction to
Oh god. No. At least.
The other thing is this
Youtube channel that keeps coming up in my
feed.
He's named Caleb something or other, and he
yells at people who are dumb about their
finances.
And again, the empathetic side of me goes,
clearly nobody ever taught them. Like, they
they they don't have
the education and the experience, but sometimes they
don't have the will to make the changes,
and I watch that and go okay. I'm
not great, money, but I'm not that. I'm
willing.
Not that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So
so yeah.
Money But, yeah. Sometimes some sometimes
you watch a thing then you go, okay.
It could be worse. Mh. And at least
I'm not there. Okay. Okay feel a bit
better. A little better. See
So yeah. No.
But, yeah, we're gonna take next week off.
Yeah. I We have the the live stream
Friday night, podcast listeners that's the day this
episode goes out,
09:30. We think 30 Pm. We're planning on
09:30PM because
neither my mom nor my aunt are the
type who stay at super late. Mh. We
expect them to be gone 9 to their
place. Their realm.
By that time. Mh. But if they somehow
have not yet. If we're late, we're late,
but we're comfortable
Mh. Because we don't have another
Friday in our schedule for this month to
move it to him. M.
And during the visit every night could be
like that. So we're just keeping it in
Friday. Yeah. And we didn't have time to
kind to
the shuffle everything wrong because it was very
last minute. And I knew that was gonna
happen this time. I knew that was gonna
happen. I'm just glad. I mean, we just
gave us 5 days now. Yeah.
I mean, we didn't know if it was
gonna be this month or next month. I
know. Wow,
And at 1 point you said this month
was out.
Right? But then it was banging.
Yeah. But
I believe she's planning on coming back at
the end of July.
Okay.
So...
Actually, I really do enjoy seeing my mother.
I mean, like, most people, I have a
complicated
history with my mother, but, you know, I
love her, and I'm I'm glad to see
her. III like your, mom. I I yeah.
She's nigga is fuck, but her heart's in
the right place.
She's too much of a people please or
to, like, be that over bearing
person. She's... Mh. Also, she has
ben doing the work.
Probably since she got an Internet connection and
or just a phone that connected to the
Internet, she's been kinda doing the work to
un learn
bullshit things that she would have been taught
from her generation. Mh.
And so, you know, discovering that my mother
is possibly more of the growth than I
am was was a delight. Was a delight.
But, yeah, No. I mean, but it's still
it's an it's for we are people who...
You like to go out when you like
to go out and you like to be
around people when you like to be around
people. But there is still that thing of
people visiting. There's that expectation and it's...
It's messing up the routines. Mh. Thank god
we like my mom. Yeah.
So,
it's
Yeah, we can't say too much because we
gotta save something for Friday night. Night. So...
Yep. Also, we have time to watch an
episode,
and that is how I would like to
spend my.
So we are gonna go. Mh.
For anybody who maybe could relate to the
topic of I hope you found something helpful.
Mh. If it hasn't happened to you yet,
maybe you are now armed with the information,
so you can avoid task creep. Mh.
Wendy yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I guess we can go. Okay.
Okay. Take a night?
Night. Goodbye. We're time traveling. I don't know
when you
hear us see us whatever.
Goodbye. Thank you for being here.
Appreciate the onion.