You're listening to living Bd podcast episode 3
90 90MJ
almost 400. Kill here were the 1, the
only
the man who has way too much patience
for my bullshit, and that's why I love
him. John Browns stone.
I'm glad I'm good for something. I mean,
I'm kind of the reason we're waking up
at 05:30 in the morning a few days
a week. Yeah. I'm the reason we had
to re record the intro because apparently, I
forgot how it works. Yep.
So, yeah. I'm just grateful you love me.
Here we are. Here we are.
This week is can probably tell from the
title. We're doing a Bd
reddit
response.
Will I rant? I never know until I'm
in the middle of it.
Sometimes, I don't think I'm ranting, but that's
how others perceive that. Yeah. Mh. So, yeah.
Welcome to the loving Bd and podcast podcasts.
Of this your first time listening. Glad to
have you. If you're back for another week.
Welcome back. Loving Bd has produced every Monday
and Friday for your Kinky pleasure and education
and notes are found at loving bd m
dot net. Come back often and feel free
to add the podcast to your favorite podcast
app. You can also follow the show on
Fe life at loving bd m pc
on Instagram and threads at that handle, I
will forever,
fucking hate. Loving D and the number 1
so that's at loving d 1.
We're on Youtube at Youtube dot com slash
loving where you can watch us live from
the podcast every Wednesday.
All links are in the show notes. Okay.
So before we get into whatever
reddit does to my blood pressure.
But we have we have several several announcements.
I thought It was just gonna be 1,
and then I realized it was 2. And
then I realized it was 3.
So the first is just a reminder, we
are still... We are always, but we are
still
collecting questions for our Monday episodes.
We're gonna kinda let them, like, lump up
and then start working on them again. So
I have a feeling will be on a
quick break from the Monday episodes for the
month of June. It's what I'm thinking.
But if you have a question, you would
like us to answer
it's 1 of those times you can give
a big long backstory, you can get really
in the weeds with it. Quite frankly the
best questions are when you give us more
detail. I've had to reject a few recently
that were... What amounted to basically a Google
search, and I was like I don't. I
don't even... Like, this would be a to
semester college course to try to explain this
out.
If you have any
situational things that you would like us to
answer in a future,
Monday episode. The link is in the places.
It takes you to a page that you
fill out the information. You can keep yourself
anonymous, and then comes to our email, and
I just keep it there until we're ready
to record our answer.
The second thing
is that. This... This is gonna be different.
Not usual. This Saturday.
I wrote down the... No. I didn't write
down the day. Right. I think it's June
eighth. I think it's June eighth.
We are going to do a
live stream starting at 09:30PM
Eastern to celebrate the fact that on Youtube,
we hit 10000
subscribers a few days ago. Very exciting completely
like nothing major happens at this number. We
were just happy to hit Yeah.
Just an arbitrary number that we were shooting
for. It has been teased
to me that there might be cake.
Has also been teased that there may be
a little I inviting to
loosen everything up.
But we'll treat it like, similar to the
way we do a Friday night livestream. We'll
last until probably midnight.
We'll hang out bullshit, just sorta of chill
and celebrate the fact that some of y'all
are like, yeah, sure. I'll let you show
up in my Youtube subscription feed, and we
appreciate you.
Third announcement.
That planning got having this announcement today, but
then I did a thing, and I got
really focused.
So on our Etsy shop, 1 of the
products that we carry a lot is meant
to help with power exchange relationships for submissive
training. For when a is learning new habits
or they're trying to remember to do tasks
that their dominant partner wants them to do.
We...
For make and sell
digital
planner sheets. So you can print them and
use paper and pen or you can use
them like in a digital planner.
And we make them for submissive them for
dominance. For submissive, we have a daily task
planner. We have a weekly. Tracker, we have
a monthly habit tracker. For dominance, we created
a week, you know, daily and weekly, I
called it an accountability,
track so you can keep up, did my
submissive do the damn thing
today or this week? What it... What, am
I expecting for my of what did actually
get for my submissive. Are they keeping up
with their habits over the course of a
week or whatever. So we always have those
or try to add new ones each month.
Well, in May and now,
early June.
Doing all pride themed things that will exist
on our Etsy shop long after pride month
because
any ain't just 1 month is all year
round is all the time. But
for
June
in June just today, quite frankly day of
recording. I just uploaded
a bunch of
pride themed what I call bundles. So the
submissive bundle has 2 daily track, 2 daily
task list
of, a week track weekly tracker in a
monthly tracker. The dominant bundle has 2 daily
tasks,
sheet and a weekly tracker.
But they are...
I don't even know how to properly say
it, so I hope I do not fuck
this up. Basically, it's each of this different
I... Some of each of the different identities
that have pride flags. So there's
bisexual pride flag theme. There's pans bisexual pride
flag theme. There's asexual. There's a romantic. There's
there's 14
for each dom and sub. Will it be
every single possible identity that falls within
Lgbtq a plus, no. Because if I couldn't
find artwork I couldn't do it. But it's
a lot. And as I find more to
do, I won't keep adding it. And in
the month of June, all of our pride
stuff, which is all digital downloads right now.
25 percent off. Just on top. Just just
take the 25 people to off. So that
literally just got added day, day of recording,
linked to our Etsy shop always in the
place
if you were interested. I bundle... I put
everything that's pride related into a category on
our Etsy shop that says pride planner or
collection. It's not a good name. Wanna came
up with on the fly, But if you
see pride, you'll go, oh, that... That's where
I wanna go look. So we did that
thing to help keep
dom subs organized during your fitness of training
during your task during your service, like, however,
how your power change it works. If you
would like something that feels closer to your
identity
and you wanna save a little bit in
the month of June. There you go. It's
there. Yay.
Yeah.
I lost my breath on that because I
didn't actually plan to talk about that 1
today all, but then I got super super
gifts.
And a thing that I thought would take
me a week.
Took me 5 hours.
And it's done and it's up. So if
anybody's interested, feel free. They will live up
on the R etsy shop forever, so you're
not gonna miss them if, like now, It's
not a good time or whatever. It's it's
fine.
So
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't
I don't think she did
breathe today. No. Do you bunny asked in
the live chat. And no. I didn't. Not.
I'm not breathing at all right now. I
feel like I need to catch my breath.
Okay. Let's go into these Reddit post. That
was a lot of announcements. It was.
Yeah. Up It was It was. Here we
go. The first thing we're gonna do is
1 that was sent to us.
Did I write down the name of the
person sent it to us? Nope. But thank
you to that person who did. I appreciate
it.
So let's go ahead and get started. First
1.
Feeling bad after dom, your quote, demanded that
I shave. Now this is where Have to
lean into the screen. Bear with me Mh.
During the session, my 32 female dom, 47
female
demanded that I completely shaved my pubic hair
for the next time we see each other.
It pulled me right out of what we
were doing and I told them know which
they didn't accept right away because their head
was still in our dynamic, and they didn't
quite register my shift in tone over the
phone.
I keep things neatly trimmed and I don't
even enjoy receiving ore.
Afterwards, I did tell them how much I
didn't like it, and we are planning on
talking more about it. I did get a
bit defensive and mean. They're usually so good
about asking me my limits before introducing new
things.
I'm upset and hurt. We've been playing for
almost a year now, but part of me
just wants to end it over this even
though everything was going great up until this
incident. I'm feeling so inadequate right now. I
typically have a very high sex drive, but
I have no desire right now. I'm planning
on telling them that we need to go
back a few steps and take it down
a notch while we rebuild trust.
Yeah. Yeah
okay. So I'm moved 2 minds on 1
part of this, Not not the shaving. Like,
that, is that person's limit and they get
to go fuck no. I'm not shaving. Go
bear. That's fine.
The part I'm on 2, I'm of 2
mines okay. And the first 1 was, are
you fucking kidding me? And the second 1
was, well, maybe.
Was that
they're dominant in that conversation, and it was
a phone conversation, so they didn't have the
necessarily have faced...
Right. In body excuse mh
did not
register the tone fast enough. Like, unless you
play with some
push back and maybe Brat behavior or something
where you you you recognize your submissive Micah
go. I'm not doing that and it's playful,
Mh. How can you be in a
conversation as a dom,
get told no. Yeah. That and that not
immediately, like, clock something different. Right. I don't
that's that's a little difficult,
especially since they they were
been together for at least a year. Right.
You know, you would think by that point
being with someone you would pick up some
contextual clues.
Right. You would know the 1 well enough
maybe hopefully, and or how deep into top
space are you over a phone conversation that
you can't. Mh.
Except. Top space from
not everybody. Yeah. Yeah. But it typically means
hyper focus. Like, you're more focused. So, like...
Yeah. I'm not buying that. I'm think that
a person slipped that in
because as the... This person says they normally
bring... You know, new things to me in
a much better manner. Right. I think it
was 1 of those I'm a slippage and
see what I can get away with.
Let me dumb them through this because I
really want it.
Or let me just see how far I
can go. Let's just see what happens.
I'm not
not fan of that part. No. No. I
also can't catch my breath. Hold on a
second.
Okay.
You... What... So overall, Mh. The demanding that
she shaves. And then now she feels inadequate.
What what do you say about? IIII
know it's not going to to mean a
whole lot, but
you know, they really have no reason to
feel inadequate. I know. It's it's easy to
tell somebody that they don't have to and
harder for to internalize. Yeah. Yeah.
I think it's good that for the time,
they wanna step back
Yeah. I think probably that might be a
good idea. You know, take take a step
back and and
kinda start from scratch.
And I mean, not all the way to
the beginning, but, you know...
No. If I tell you no to something,
Mh. And I mean,
see, that's why I'm moved 2 months because
if they were in some sort of scene,
I guess it just depends on how they
play. But
this was such an ask that it's really
affected this person Mh. Mentally like, an emotionally.
Like, they are impacted by this. So I
feel like
Does this mean that this was something that
had previously been discussed, told no brought back
up,
Or was this something that's been hinted at
and hinted at not actually directly asked for,
but the person's, like, kind of like, shrugged
it off, and now
direct ask was not immediately told, okay. My
bad shouldn't have even asked. Like, doesn't sound
like anything's been done
to
even even in a small late, like, after
the the scene part of the conversation go,
m, I came on too you strong that.
That's my bad. Like, nothing's went under repair
even that small,
breach of trust, Something that might be inc
if the person immediately acknowledged. Oh, hey. Yeah.
I overs up there. I probably shouldn't have
done that, or I shouldn't have done it
that way or shouldn't have done it that,
you know, at this time. I should have
done this in a different way. Because this
person Walked away going, oh, my god, do
they not like
my pubic area.
I didn't even want them down there, but
like do they... That... I mean, the
has to come from somewhere. Some of that
likely comes from some, you know, their own
internal stuff that they've been through over the
years. Mh. But for it to be this
messed up and this
to for them, to be how they reacted.
Yeah. I just... I'm questioning what else is
going on. Because I really think that,
you know,
if it had been just a verbal, like,
Oops c.
I don't think you walk away from that
going, maybe we shouldn't even be in a
relationship Like, I feel like there's more. And
they're from There may be... Or it was
1 of those things that... Yeah, It's small
on its own. But it's built up on
top of a lot of other. Which 1
of those things that it it could have
been the destroy they broke the chemicals. Exactly.
Yeah. Exactly. Maybe there's other small things that
have occurred enough times
over the past year. Mh... On their own,
you don't really about, you kinda go on,
whatever,
and this 1 was just a step too
far and 1 too many. Yeah. That's possible.
The thing is... I mean, I get... I
I can hear a dom out there saying,
But I get lost in the heads space
too. Yeah. You're human. You do, but use
the dog have the fucking responsibility.
Like, this this has a responsibility to advocate
for themselves, and they did. They said,
I don't want this I'm not doing it.
Right? Mh. If you realize that you asked
for something that
clear early they've... You're submissive vehemently pushes back
on, that's on you to, like, rectify that
situation. And and
dom who have the responsibility.
If you know the normal way to do
this is to talk about it before. Right.
Outside of a scene,
it really is on you if you air
quote, slip up
and bring it up in scene. Like, yeah.
People are human tech. See Jb in the
heat of the moment, not thinking too completely
clearly and throwing out a suggestion. At this
point after 10 years, I could absolutely see
it.
But he's not gonna let me walk away.
If I say no,
if I say for it if I do
whatever to make it clear, the thing Happening.
He's said let me walk away from that
interaction without knowing that, hey, wait, we're good.
Yeah. So like, yes. Happening Yes, dumb. I
know some of you fucking hate it, but
the onus is on you.
You brought up a thing at the wrong
fucking time.
Now your partner has walked away feeling and
adequate.
What the fuck you doing to make sure
that doesn't happen?
It is on the submissive. To speak up.
Mh. Never gonna not say that. And even
now they need to speak up. They need
to say something.
But I just...
It's 1... It's
A person can decide that's a big enough
thing,
but the way they're describing it.
I feel like it's a medium sized thing
that was just 1 thing to. Building too.
Yeah. Mh. Mh. And then may well be.
That may well be. I mean, I know
there are people out there who, you know,
it it's their personal choice. Sure. Always. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't And, of course, I mean,
this kind of touches on the whole
stereotype
that...
You know, sickness are supposed to be, like,
clean shave or hair or whatever in whatever
region of the body. Mh. The dom wants
to, like, spend time. Yeah.
And
just because something is common or seems common,
I should say.
Doesn't mean
anything. You should not
expect that that's your partner wants to do
that. It's a it's a legitimate ask. It's
not a demand. You can have demand,
Like... Yeah. I... It it it goes... Yeah.
Yeah. It it's a stereotype type just like
the whole thing, you know, you hear you
hear people talk about... Oh,
is... Everybody in Bd, Poly is
Yeah. Just because somebody has had enough experience
with it feeling like more... People than not
Right. Yeah. It it seems like it may
be be
prevalent, but, you know, Yeah. And in some
communities, it will be and in some places,
yes. It might be really common that a
lot of submissive are hair free.
But it's it's literally like everything out we
do. You have to, like, negotiate it and
somebody concerns or they don't.
And I just... I really wish I knew
more. If because I just feel like,
you know, this is more...
This is... I don't know how to say
it. It's not more than it is. It's
just something... There's...
It was a straw that broke of camel
back. Yeah. And so I'm like, And you
may be right on that. That that may
be exactly what it
In here... And the thing I would tell
us is, if you walk away from encounters
with your dominant partner feeling inadequate.
I think
my assuming you're... That's not a safety issue.
My first instinct is always to tell you
to at least let your dominant partner know.
Unless this is a song of dance you've
played about 12 times already. Mh. And this
is just a pattern your end. But if
this is like the first or second time,
You've had this count... Some... This kind of
encounter where things didn't quite go the way
they usually do and it... You're you've walk
away feeling
less than your, you know, submissive of self
or wondering if there's something wrong with you
especially if you ever walk away wondering if
there's something wrong with you. Mh.
Have the conversation with your dominant partner. Most
of the time,
you're gonna get a sense pretty quickly if
that was an oops scene or if that
was A0I tried to get away with something
I couldn't.
And you might not know immediately because you
have to watch patterns of behavior? Like, what
do they actually do? Do they talk good
game and then don't change anything? Or do
they actually change their behavior? But if it's
a relationship you think you want to keep.
It's worth it to you. Have the conversation,
let them know, then see what the hell
they do and how they were. On.
But if... We're on, you know,
more than 2 or 3 times of going,
hey, this... This interaction left me feeling like
shit.
That's probably not the person. For you. No.
No.
Yeah. But, yeah, it's he can't just tell
somebody to not feel inadequate. I I wish
it was that
Know. I didn't walk around sprinkling that, like,
ferry
for people.
But, you know, it's it's more
either and it's an and or, I think
it's... You can do both or you can
do 1 of the 2. It's having a
partner that genuinely
makes you feel good about yourself. Mh.
And or
figuring out ways to to find that within
your self. It's therapy. It's time away from
a shitty partner. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Doing
things that lift you up and build you
up personally, but you can find that with
the right partner. And if you are if
we were in a relationship where you feel
inadequate more often than not, either side of
the slash, what we doing? Need to reassess.
Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, you know, right,
I I have to say kudos to
to them for
you know, standing their bounds and, you know,
Right. Saying, you know, right away. No. I'm
not gonna do it. Mh. Mh. Yep.
Still give side eye to a dumb the
camp.
Can I see circumstances where it might be
harder to pull back, like, really intense scenes
physical scenes? You're in the room with 1
another. Like, I can see it. And I'm
not gonna say, it can't possibly happen over
the phone, but I'm still gonna give some
side I know still give inside either. No.
Okay. So I don't know if that was
a rant. Phone but here we are. Okay.
And here we go. Next
1KI
feel like we're gonna ask how many
rain drops are in a thunderstorm with this
1, but I just I just felt do
it. I I saw the title in like
room.
Title, what are the ways to vet to
prevent ghost?
I just got ghost twice in 3 months.
Both times after the first scene. And let
me tell you, it's happened other times too,
just not recently.
I don't have anybody image issues and both
times we had times coffee The guy seemed
to really into me. They even said that
I'm hot during the scene. So what's the
deal with Dom ghost after the first scene.
What am I doing wrong that they can't
tell me in my face or even over
a freaking text.
Is there a better way to vet them
to avoid this? The last 1, I even
joking asked during coffee if he'd ghost me
because I'd been ghost recently.
He said, of course, not.
So frustrating it's getting hiring. Oh, I can...
I can only imagine. Yeah. I mean, I'm
I'm that time person if something bad happens
once. I'm ready you're done. I'm already probably
done, But twice, I would just go into
a kinky nun and be the my damn
himself. I just gonna be like, oh, clearly,
this isn't for me. Mh. I don't want
people to feel that, but I do know
how I would react. Yeah. Oh,
you know,
I wish
there there was a way to vet
to prevent ghost.
You know. There's no guarantee. There there there
there is no guarantee.
You know, I I...
Whoever
figures out a a ghost proof way
to do it. They'll they'll make millions
They absolutely won't. You know, They absolutely won't
Yeah. Now I will say, and this...
I don't know how helpful this advice because
some people are just looking for play partners.
Right. And so they're moving a little bit
faster than a person who's looking for a
long term power exchange relationship. Mh. If you
are looking for a long term power, change
strip, and you keep, like, picking up the
ones that tend to fucking ghost.
Yeah. It's time to drag the part out
before the first scene. A lot longer. Now
that's no fucking guarantee of anything. Something some
of these fucker will play the long game.
And they'll be like, oh, I've got someone
on the side. I'm doing whatever. I don't
have to commit anything.
Gotta sail all the right words eventually I'll
get what I'm looking for. I mean, I
wish... I wish I could be a fly
on the wall of some of these, like,
the conversations that they would have had with
these dom because it's like, were they giving
off fake dom vibes that just because I
see it all the time I would... I
might recognize
or
were they... Did they actually come across as
genuine and then did that thing that happens
in all forms of dating in all flavors
of relationship?
And just, you know, instead of just taking
responsibility and going, yeah. This isn't gonna work
for me. Instead of... See here's the thing.
I don't like ghost any level. Short of
it being a safety issue. Mh.
I think that as hard as it is,
it's much easier to send a single long
as you don't think you're dealing with a
crazy person, send a single text that goes,
so glad to have met you, this isn't
a worker for me Gotta go. Yeah. And
then if they can take a hint block
delete to what you gotta do. But
If you wanna call yourself a fucking dumb,
and you can't just tell somebody, hey, I
don't wanna play with you in more. Hey.
Listen isn't working for me. Hang up your
fucking little pretend dom hat and just call
it a fucking day and go tell people
you like kinky sex and move the fuck
on.
Because good god almighty. If you were gonna
dumb, you better fucking learn how to have
difficult
conversations and to tell people shit, they might
not wanna hear.
Mh.
And say Ra brought up something interesting. When
was sex part of the scene.
Yeah. You know, if it was, then there...
You know, They got they said they got
what they wanted and they're gone. I know.
And there's just no way to to the
to guarantee that he won't be ghost. Now
I... You know,
while this is no guarantee.
Alright. And and this, I think would
take a little intros intersection on this person's
part? Yeah.
Look down k... Okay. All these people how
all these people.
What do they have in common?
Besides the fact that they ghost to me,
what do they have
in common? What is there any other common
denominators? Mh. So at that point then, what
do I need to change where I'm meeting
these people, how I'm finding them. The rates
I'm seeing, especially that that common traits. Mh.
Talk a certain way. Act a certain way.
You know, but I... Yeah. You found them
a certain place if it... Right. If it's
coming from, like, the same place over and
over again. Yeah. Yeah. Time to time to
stop that week. Mh. It's been a few
years since we had this conversation with this...
It
thought about it with this. Yeah.
I am not going to blame a person
who finds themselves in a shitty situation with
a partner
in the sense that they, like, nobody deserves
that. Right? Nobody deserves a a string of
failed relationships when you were trying. Nobody deserves
to, like,
have the same kind of treatment from partner
to partner partner. Nobody deserves that. However,
if you keep picking the same kind a
fucking people over and over again. Yeah. It
is time to fundamentally change I and sometimes
that change needs to be maybe I should
be by myself for a minute. Because it.
Your picker is off. It's the old axiom.
If you do the same thing, or run
over and expect different results. Right. I mean,
there are therapeutic things I've heard about where...
And I'm am you hall, I'm not a
mental health professional. I'm not qualified somebody who
actually knows, should should you know, speak up
if you...
Especially if I'm wrong.
But the things that I've I've sort of
heard recently from, like,
therapist online is that when we seem to
gravitate towards a specific type of person who
is not good for that usually comes from
often childhood trauma, but it's trauma in some
way. It's something about this as stressful as
this person is or this type of person
is feels
familiar enough. Mh. That we keep going back
to it. And those kinds of cycles... It's
it's probably time for therapy to try to
break some of those cycles.
But, I mean, that's just that's just the
thing. You don't deserve shitty treatment?
No. But if they're all doing the same
thing.
Mh. At a certain point, there's only 1
common denominator?
Yeah. But in this case, it's 2, okay.
Are you finding them in the same place?
Are you going to the same spot? Right.
Do you think you have a type? You
know?
Maybe maybe ignore that type for me. Quite
frankly, I found
actual
partnership and love and whatever when I went.
The type has not helped me thus far
and and went.
We both went against what we thought we
would be okay within a relationship. You were
not looking for another single mother? No. And
then I showed up.
I thought I needed my partners to be
taller than me. And somehow I liked them
really skinny.
I don't know why.
And then I went for a short, and
it worked out for me.
So, yeah. I I wish there was like,
a magic
thing to do to tell everybody hey if
you do this, you'll never be ghost.
Ghost is about the person who ghost you.
That's truly, maybe y'all weren't compatible, but the
fact that they weren't willing to just tell
you and just leave you hanging. That is...
That says more about them than it does
out. Yeah. Short of you being an unsafe
person. There's always a caveat yell. Mh.
Because that for me, if you feel unsafe
if you're not sure that you're going to
get a
adult
reaction from somebody, and this is... The only
way you'll be able to sleep at night?
Okay. Fine.
But if it's... I just don't wanna say
the hard thing.
No. No. I'm not. I'm I'm not fan
ghost thing. At all.
Okay.
Okay. Let's go to the next 1.
Okay.
I am perpetually out of breath this episode.
Okay. I gotta get close. I gotta lean
in. Got the old eyes. Here we go.
Title, getting your sub to open up during
check ins during singing.
I'm just learning and exploring my style of
dominance with my husband. When doing a scene,
I find my husband does not want to
communicate with me when things are not going
right Like he sees it is his job
to, quote, power through and suffer for me.
Even when I check in with him, he
replies, I'm fine, mistress.
Today I gave him an example of of
if I have him tied up, and I'm
spanking him,
you know, I wanted to power through the
spanking unless he needs to use a safe
word. But if he had a cramp, he
needs to communicate that to me. The cramp
is not the kind of suffering I want
for him. Mh. I don't wanna find out
after the scene that he suffered the whole
time in a way I didn't even know
about.
Skilled dom can many times read their sickness
body and expression and can tell something is
wrong even when they don't say it. I
don't feel like I'm a skilled at that
yet as I want to.
Do you have any tips for getting your
submissive to open up about how they are
doing during a scene? My husband seems to
think that he's a better submissive if he's
quiet about it? But then he tells me
later,
I hate that.
Edit. Reading initial responses I need to clarify
my thoughts. I think he will communicate, me
when things are unsafe or his boundaries are
being pushed, but what he doesn't communicate to
me is when he's uncomfortable in a non
kin way, and it's d distracting from being
in us to submissive state when small adjustments
can be made.
It's a Wow. Mh.
So I can't remember in our dynamic.
If I was quick to communicate and see
in the beginning or not. Do you remember?
I mean, clearly, our very I safe for
it. You next. You went seem fucking hard.
Yeah. I did. I came in. Yeah.
You. Yeah. Ex super. Yeah. Yep. But, I
mean,
do do you remember...
Ever having a sense that I wasn't telling
small things. Like, like this person says here,
their sub will, you know,
say, hey, boundary being pushed. I'm I'm feeling
unsafe here safe word, But, like, the small
things. No. I don't think you ever did.
Okay. Okay. You know, but then that comes
with the fact that you know,
have talked about how, you know,
need to know what's going on
because,
want to supply good pain as opposed to
bad pain. Mh.
And and, you know, I I need I
need to know those things.
Right. And it's a... And the way I've
always kinda thought of it when I started
actually, like, thinking about it, is a a
safety precaution for both of us. Mh. Because
if
you
accidentally
cause me harm. If it's school mental emotional.
Because I didn't fucking tell you something. Right.
I've damaged you just as much as you've
damaged me. Sure. It's Like, how do you
feel comfortable going in and playing with a
partner. After that, If you can't quite trust,
they're gonna tell you shit you need to
know?
Yeah.
I mean,
the fact that they're like, well, you know,
if they...
If it's if boundary is pushed or, you
know, safe word, they're they're going to do
that.
It doesn't they have proof that they will.
They just... They leave Believe that they would.
And
You know, I've always
said someone who,
you know, says, oh, I don't need a
safe word. I don't need, you know, mh.
Not a fan. Not a fan. That that...
That's... Because anything that happened at any point.
Right. Anything could happen.
So a couple things come to mind.
1, I wonder how
this dominant is checking in. Are they checking
in and going? How are you doing? Mh.
Are you k?
Or are they...
And our way is not the only way,
but I just know our way. You do
a a
traffic light thing. Give me a color. Right.
Now we talked about before the scene what
the colors mean. Right? Mh. And the reality
is is if I
if I don't say anything because I'm, like,
struggling or I'm in subs space, whole fucking
scene ins immediately. Right. But the color
allows
Jb to know how to
to moderate. How to navigate moderate. Yeah. As
I got more comfortable over the years, I
got I got sassy with my colors, like,
we're... We are
the rainbow here. Okay? Because it's not just
green yellow red. It's green if I'm like,
I'm I'm good. Let's keep going.
It'll be red if it's like the worst
thing ever.
But if I need something to slow down
or something Quite, you know, as a little
off. I'll I'll give you a green yellow
or an orange red or a pale orange.
Like, I I mean, I'll do that, but
that took years to get to. Yeah. You
know, I feel like this is a conversation
for them out of scene when everybody's got
the close on this calm and it's not
a king mindset said. Out out of scene
and out of
protocol. Right. And, like, look.
Here... You know, is the way I'm checking
a network and we we have to have
a way. I think the other thing that
needs to be in imparted to the submissive,
is it is a trust thing. Right. There
is no way that dominant can trusts their
partner. Yeah. If they... If they're they're not
telling if they're not giving them them added
right. Yeah. I wondered they say that, you
know, they're new to dom, So is the
of new to submission? Mh. And do they
need a little bit like, whether it's sight
lunches or workshops or books or how I
really fucking learn about shit. Do they need
some more of that to understand? I also...
And I don't like to reduce things down
to gender. I really don't.
Did did that... Yeah.
It's a guy. Mh. The were they raised
and socialize as a guy or not. I
don't know. Can't know. But I do wonder
if there's a little bit of the the
gender... Oh, I'm supposed to be tough. I'm,
yeah. I'm not allowed to tell you to
do this that I'm struggling or something is
not going well.
That... I don't. I'm... An expert in how
you deep program yourself or anybody else out
of that. Is that's a time thing, and
that's a... They have to be willing to
see things differently than they've done before. If
if that... The case? I mean,
you know, can people learn
more absolutely.
Some people just don't want to?
They don't think they should. They don't know.
They can. Mh. Whatever their own past is
done to them. I mean, all kinds of
shit. But I do wonder. Is this part
of. I say it's all of it, I
think that's too dismissive. But if there's this...
If that person has any background and believing
that they're supposed to tough shit out,
and endure and or is all their king
information coming from fucking porn?
Mh. Because there is a lot of submissive
of all genders.
Suffering and enduring
for their
dom, which can be hot and if you
wanna know, like, negotiate, have a good time.
Mh. But that doesn't mean that that's Miss
won't tell you that their hand just went
numb or you've got a cramp and hell
right. Right. Right. Lauren doesn't show when they
cut the scene, since to rub out the
cramp. You know what I mean?
And in the... You know, some of the
more...
I don't like to say extreme forms of
porn because that's subjective. But there are, you
know, especially in king porn. There are some
things you'll see and you'll come across where
it looks like those persons, the limits don't
exist and they will endure anything, and it's
like, yes. But that's fantasy. And that's pretend.
We're not actually supposed to do it in
our bedroom at home. I mean, we all
get to have limits.
And it's okay if for let cramp. Good
lord. How many times have we been fucking
around. Both of us got guy. Either 1
1 over in the other. Yeah. Oh, my
god.
I. So... Yeah. And I I commend this
dom for going. Okay. I know I don't
have the skills for this. I know... I'm
I'm still new but also, I wanna take
the dominant by the hand and go, hey.
Even if you dom for years and years
and you get like, really know your partner,
and you can read their expressions.
You will still, like, not see something. You
will...
You're human, you will still make a mistake.
They need a safe word. They need a
way communicate. They need to be able to
communicate with the No no matter No how
well you know somebody and, you know, like,
III
feel I know you fairly well Mh. After
all these years, but, you know,
and it's not happened at any point. Sure.
So
It's not... I don't ever say that to
take away from somebody's
desire for or willingness to our ability to
really read their partner a skill that you
you can develop over time with a person,
and that's a great skill to have, but
do not get
so confident that you don't need backup
risk mitigation. That there shouldn't be something in
place that will snap you out of your
moment to go, Oh shit. Something's gone wrong.
You know,
I I don't I don't know any
anything scientific about this and it anything I
might know is really
me just looking at things and when I
think this is what this means. I don't
even know if I've ever heard anybody really
talk about it. Except for,
but I wonder how many people, dom or
subs.
Tops or we're bought. Mh.
Who
internalized in some way
that a Safe word is a fail a
failing. Because there's just too many fucking who
are like, I don't play with Safe words.
It's fuck you. I know. If I just
submissive play with a safe word. Guess what
maybe you play with a Safe for it
today. Because that's what I do. Yeah. But
it's like We don't wanna admit that that
the most random fucking thing can happen. You
don't actually have total control over all fucking
things.
So if there is... And not, obviously not
everybody feels that way. Like, I get that.
But if there is some, like...
Thought of that floating out in the ether
somewhere. It's gonna affect all sides of the
slash.
It's going to... Some people are gonna internalize
it and maybe not even realize it.
But
he... This submissive things he is supposed to
endure. Yeah. But maybe we don't endure in.
Like why we doing it? It it's supposed
to be
fun. It's supposed to be something that that
fulfill
for both sides of the slash.
Okay?
And,
you know, the...
Did our our video froze again.
Yes. It is supposed to be fun, and
it is... It's... Yeah. I and it can
be super intense. It can be, like,
make you wonder if, you know, you need
therapy later intent hint as long as
everest within bounds, you've played as safely as
you possibly can nothing's hundred works percent safe.
You've got after care, like,
if you can
have all that then go fucking crazy, but
everybody involved has to be able to trust
each other. And,
you know, We spent a lot of time
telling submissive was about, you know, a dom
needs to earn your trust, but Jesus christ
the sub needs to earn their dom trust.
Mh. And if that dom cannot depend on
you to speak that fuck up, you are
no longer a safe person to play with.
Yeah. And then you can't get intense in
the way that you might want to.
Because if
the the more trust there is and the
more willingness
everybody is to,
you know, mitigate as much risk as is
even possible.
The further if you choose to, you can
go. But without that,
first and also this caveat, if you don't
wanna go that far. You don't fucking have
to. I like to play in the middle
of my boundaries with a lot of room
between me and the men's line as.
I mean,
That's how I like to play. But,
yeah. I just this endurance bullshit. Yeah. You
know and believing that their partner would use
their Safe word, but not actually knowing,
You know, I I feel like they must
be
playing in a way that
that the dominant is trying to say well
within the boundary. Lines, especially as they're learning.
And I really respect that. I think that's
a good way to start, you know, until
you you're confident they're confident you've built up
some whatever, but
I don't know how that don't trust their
sub. Yeah. Yeah. That yeah. And that might
be the conversations. Like, until you get your
mind wrapped around this. We can't play. Why
can't... It's have the trust. Yeah. No. And
and it's
more
risky.
Than it already is. If you're not willing
to do then
And
I don't I don't like for everything to
fall back on a power, exchange. Right But
maybe it needs to be, I'm speaking as
your mistress here. This is a rule. Yeah.
If you break this rule
you wearing kinky play time.
1 second.
Okay. Okay. Next 1. Yeah. Hang on. Okay.
Oh, no. That was 1. I just read
next 1. Go head to what you gotta
do.
This 1
hit close to home.
And... Because I I saw myself in it,
and I didn't quite like. It, but it
did mean I had a very
specific,
response, mental response.
Are you
podcast you can't see. He... Jimmy just walked
away. He's doing something
across them.
Are you able to pay attention, or do
you want me to wait till you come
back? Give me 1 second. Okay.
Almost... I'm trying not to belt into the
microphone because I am a professional podcast house.
Thank you very much.
Look, drinking diet coke, and I'm talking too
fast, and I'm swallowing air.
The belt is coming. I'm just trying to
hold it off until we're denied
streaming
and recording.
Okay. Are you ready for me? I am
ready.
Title.
Acts of surface or just un.
Okay. Here we go.
So my dominant I have reached a talking
point that I'm not sure he understands what
I mean. Maybe I don't know how to
explain correctly.
In terms of what kind of sub I
am, I'm not entirely sure, but I know
that I love acts of service. I want
you anything that will make his life easier
and his day better. And while he does
fully appreciate it, I've tried to explain my
reasoning behind it, and I'm not shoot of
the message is really getting through to him.
I find myself very un unsatisfied to do
things if I'm just doing them for myself.
Sure I'll wash the dishes, take out the
trash, clean the bathtub, etcetera. But doing it
for myself gives me no desire to do
it. And since I don't see the reward
in doing a common chore, I did procrastinate
an 8 on them. On the flip side,
if I know that he'll be coming over,
and the dishes aren't clean or the floor
is vacuum, I am much more motivated in
doing these chores. If I do them for
myself, I don't have that sense of satisfaction
at the end of doing them, but when
I, quote, do them for him, I may
not enjoy the chore, but I have a
sense of pride for getting it done.
I've tried explaining this to him, and I
think he understands until I realize that maybe
he doesn't.
This does extend to other non chore related
areas of my life, but I don't know
how to explain to him that these things,
these are things that I want to give
myself and not necessarily for him. But before
he came into the picture, I would rather
have had all my teeth pulled before doing
any chores.
I think he may think of it as
me not having any self motivation or discipline
and needing to rely on him to basically
tell me what to do because I can't
do it myself.
Can understand if that's the thought process, but
he knows I'm very independent and occasionally stubborn
person who will still get things done that
need to be done. But made do a
half ass job because at the end of
the day, if I'm doing anything for myself,
I don't feel the need to put in
the extra effort to go above and beyond
when it's just another chore that have to...
That have to be done again, and again,
and again, anyways,
He feels I'm doing everything for him and
not for myself, which is again understandable but
not quite the case.
How would I go about explaining to him
that I would and could do these things
anyways, but having them be part of our
dynamic would make me more motivated and cited
for the most mundane and boring tasks.
I am in this,
post and III
mean, I could have fucking written that almost
word for word.
So I I definitely have my point, but
what are your thoughts?
Being the dominant who would be on the
flip side of this type of thing? Yeah
because you definitely are.
You know, there's there there's a few things
at play here. And and, yes, I do
see
little bit of someone IIIII
know Mh in there.
So let me put it you this to
because they
in... Like, literally came to you for a
thing and basically use this language of
I know I'm supposed to do it, but
I can't be motivated to do it on
my own so I need your help. Now
the way you ended up flipping at what
we're doing is you put your in it
because you... Like, you're, like, I need to
do this too. Right. But this was not
the first time I've come to you for
that. So when I come to you and
go look. Mh. I'm not motivated to do
this on my own. I need your help.
How do you feel that? How do you
handle it? How do you wrap your mind
around? You know, when when you do that,
III
feel kinda good that you're willing to come
to me and asked me, you know, those
things.
You know, I'm I'm gonna...
Because I am I am my fault on
the big D side of the slash, I'm
I'm kinda gonna
Are you Yeah. I just can't catch my
breath the word.
Okay.
Now wasn't been trained to pot.
Okay.
While I am I am not
a little SII
think what it comes down to is it's
not a matter
of the motivation like they are saying.
I think there's probably a number of things
that go on there. There's the accountability.
That that's what this person wants, and they
just don't know how to say that what
they want is a accountability.
They they want the accountability.
And
you know, I I would have to say,
you know, because III know with you and
and and with others, you know, when
when you are tasked to do something, you
know, you look also for the validation of
having done something. Yes. Yes. That that's very
true. You know, good job, good girl, you
know? We're just, like, this person said feeling
good that I did that thing. Yeah. Right
Yeah. You yeah. For sure. So so there
there is that.
And
that that...
The the the part of me that, you
know, is not very
generous is is kinda thinking,
well, you know, maybe this
don doesn't know what to do with a
service hub or how to handle them. They
might not... And this person doesn't even call
themselves a service. Yeah. They just know they,
like, axe of service and.
Mentally screaming, go, learn about service missing. Right.
Yeah. Yeah. Sounds a little bit like you
bum also.
The word you said is the first word
that came to mind. And that's accountability. Yeah.
Alright. Because I've had this conversation with you.
When there are things that I know I
need to get done, but good god almighty.
I don't wanna fucking do it.
I know we should I should clean this
more often do that, and this would be
really good for me. Like, I'm not stupid.
I have fucking know all of it and
something within me,
just.
Right? Yeah. Whether it's executive dysfunction, whether it's
just
procrastination, whether it's, like, I I've learned too
many things so I know it could be
any reason. You're dangerous.
Whatever
the thing is that prevents me from knowing
what to do and then just fucking doing
it. Any whatever that is.
In power exchange, Mh.
Especially because I love to do things for
the people I care about, True. But also,
yes, the validation. I come to you and
go look, I need you to hold me
accountable. Yeah. You don't give a fuck. I
do this. I mean you might care for
me because whatever.
But I know that I... And this is
what I would tell this person. Mh. The
conversation is
I don't need you to tell me what
to do for everything,
and I don't need everything I do to
be for you. Right? Because I I wonder
if that Dom is a little overwhelmed by
that? Like, why is doing your basic home
chores for me? Like, how does that work?
Right?
The conversation you and I've had. I want
person have is I need to be held
accountable. Mh. So the real conversation is,
here the things I struggle with doing,
I need a counter balance to know that
you're looking to see if I've done them,
not because it was actually for you, but
the... If I get them done,
Dom has some like,
good job or they're happy or they're proud
or their whatever, but the the outside...
What's the word?
There's a word I want.
It's not pressure, but a little bit of
the outside pressure. Mh. To get the thing
done is how shit gets done.
And so if I believe
even at if it's just mind factory. I
believe that I am accountable to you to
get my shit done. And that there might
even be a consequence if I don't. This
person might very well be a person who's
like, I don't want fucking consequences.
We'll then do your fucking shit. You know,
but but the idea that there could be
a consequence might be enough of a motivator
and enough of a... Okay. I I you
know,
they're gonna come to me if I don't
get this shit done. Or I have to
admit to them that I did not get
this thing done. Whatever it is that gets
that person like in their head space and
doing their shit and knowing that at the
end of the day, it's their dom who's
gonna be looking to see, did they do
their shit.
I
I don't necessarily think that a dom has
to be invested in the tasks itself.
I think it can be...
If you're not invested in the actual tasks,
it can be in the did my submissive
partner
do the things they assured me they would
do. And if they did not,
do I express some level of disappointment that
hit them in in the sub fields wherever
that might be. Mh. That keeps them motivated.
And I...
Also,
why do we have to be motivated
do bullshit stuff like chores.
Like, I if everybody gets fucking un unregulated
to do boring shit. Some of us are
just like... It's bigger for us. But everybody's
fucking like that. So if
outside pressure,
outside accountability,
is more fucking effective,
and the shit's still getting done if the
dom is willing and, of course, the dom
gets to side if they're willing to play
this game. Sure.
It is kind of a game because the
dom ultimately doesn't give a fuck
If the chores is done, but what they
might care about is
did you do a thing I expected you
to? Because that's a power thing. That's a
control thing.
And I'm curious because there have been things.
You've done this for me on.
Did it really fucking matter about the thing
being done or was it more that I
did what I was supposed to do because
you have control over me. In combination of
both.
Combination of both because that's I helped my
example, But Know where I was going with
it. Yeah. Right. I know...
I know what you're trying to do, but
the the fact of the matter for me
is I am the type a person, maybe
a little too pragmatic. I'm not gonna give
you task just for the sake of giving
you a task. If I give you a
task, it's because it needs to be done.
And that that's might be that same way,
but there's still stuff I need to do
that you don't... I mean, it doesn't affect
you if I don't do a through. So
it's not a task you would assign to
me that you would care if I did
it or not. Like, it wouldn't... You might...
My point is the what the reason you
would care is not because the lack of
the thing being done
impacts you. Mh.
More,
you control me to the extent that we've
negotiated, and I didn't get a thing done
that you expected me to get done me
because I told you I would, or because
you went, hey, These are your normal everyday
chores. You need to make sure. Mh. You
get your shit done. Not because... And this
is why I think the... Fusion is in
this conversation. The dom is like, none of
this impacts me directly. Why would I tell
you to do it? That's not the fucking
not conversation. That's not the point. Right Yeah.
And that's where I think that's getting lost
in translation. The person this is miss. I
need accountability.
I need somebody
who is not... Doesn't have to be impacted
I mean doing this. Mh. But we'll make
sure. We'll check in. Like, it's a little
bit of emotional labor on the part of
the dom.
Maybe maybe physical labor if they're consequence.
But like, it's not the the dom doesn't
even have to think of what the task
are.
This... The first task could be, the submissive
brings the list of tasks that they
find challenging
and go, these are the things I'm supposed
to get done on whatever schedule I don't
fucking them mh. And I need to know
that if I'm not
getting this done as And it's a little
bit of role play. Air quote for you.
Not because it benefits the Dom because the
dom sets the expectation that, hey, these are
your responsibilities and you'll take care of them.
You know, if they can... If the dog
can wrap their head around that, I think
they're fine. But I think the word that
the wants his accountability.
Yeah Because... And I just say that it's...
That's
that's what what works for me.
Oh ready.
Okay. This is our last 1.
Alright. I don't know if I picked an
easy 1 or not, but here we go.
Difference between wanting a dom or just a
nice guy.
I 28 female, am I'm not very experienced
in Bd bts at all but have always
been very interested in having a dom or
someone to take care of me. I've been
in a very few very brief relationships with
dom in the past who probably were way
too intense given my lack of experience. Nothing
bad happened. I just realized these were too
intense and not what I was looking for.
I guess I'm just wondering at how do
subs out there,
act... Know that they actually want to have
a dominant versus a partner that just, like,
make sure you drink water and eat 3
meals a day. So first of all, for
some of us, it's the difference between a
very intense,
dom
and a caregiver
and a nurture.
It's not exclusive but the.
And also sometimes no. You just want somebody
who cares enough about you to go, yeah.
Did you drink water today?
Probably, you know, the I In you're reading
this, the first thing that kinda jumped out
at me
is I just want someone to take care
of me. I said that so fucking often
before I even new Bd and was a
fucking thing.
And felt bad. And felt guilty for wanting
it. Yeah, you know,
what do you mean by 1 you being
taken care of. Right. And what if and
if you are submissive, what is it that
you're giving in return for that caring? Like,
are you willing to do things for a
partner that you are within your boundaries? But
you wouldn't otherwise do if they didn't ask
you to or tell you to. Right? Yeah.
You know, where... What are your own lines
for what you want to give in
Exactly. And and I think that, you know,
they they say, what
not very experienced at Bd.
So
you know, what what are they they wanting?
And I think that's part of the thing.
They're not very experienced. I think they need
to figure out who they are. Right. In
the Bd community. And if they even find
an place... And if they even have a
place and, You know, some people think, oh,
this this sounds great, and, you know, they
they dip their toes in and they're like,
oh, no. This is not what I want.
I know. Yep. But,
you, you know, they they really need to
figure out who
who they are in the community and and
what they really want out of a Bd
relationship. Right.
Exactly. Know, exactly. Right. Said they're, you know,
they went into some that were too and
and they were too intense.
Like, okay. Well, That's very vague. That does
that mean It it's very vague
and
what were the negotiations like? Were there Where's
their. Yeah. And that's... They... They were a
little too vague because I I have, like,
the thoughts come in. Y'all don't know how
my brain works. Yeah. So on 1 hand,
my thought is
Is it too intense because it's just not
really for them? It doesn't matter what flavor
where they tried. It just wasn't for them.
Yeah. Valid. That's so fucking valid. Mh. Or
was it too intense because
they found a partner that fit some kind
of stereotype
or they just happened to come across a
potential partner that was and an intense subjective
here, but was like more high protocol strict,
more rules, like, more structured power. Exchange. Mh.
And their net now, their only experience and
truth experience and knowledge of power exchange is
literally 1 single way of doing it. Yeah.
When there are
a million ways to do. Yeah. I... I
mean, you know, they're they're they're talking about
this and
you know, the whole intent. And and why
I say they they need to be a
little bit more in tune what what they
want.
You know, is it is it like a
a caregiver
that they are really looking for and and
in prior to this, maybe they were in
like a high protocol.
Right. You know, and sure that would be
hell attempt to somebody I couldn't do it.
No. You couldn't. I would drive that poor
dog crate see. They would question whether they
really were in into Bd at or not.
By the time I was. Good question all
their life's choices.
Their own sanity. Yeah. Time I was too.
See I mean, saying, Be there doing my
own version of it. So, you know, I'm
yeah. In the live chat, somebody brought up
something that is a very good point. Yeah.
Why is... Why is it the difference between
Dom and a nice guy? Like, right. Yeah.
Could be nice.
Yeah. I what would Domino's supposed to be
a nice guy I mean, supposed to be
forever river river. Which then makes me wonder
what what was their experience? Yeah. Did they
get them a grow, like,
tough personal bear. Right. That was, like, these
are my rules and you will follow them
and but, like, And there was no playful
or silliness? Yeah. Did they... Like, what...
I wish I knew that because then I
could go, oh,
well, you might still not be be into
Bd assembly. You just got, like, 1 little
sliver of 1 flavor. Like, there's... There... It's
taste the fucking rainbow by way. Out there.
Like, there's so many other ways
to experience power.
But also quite frankly,
Even if we were not on a power
exchange, I was still on a partner who's
gonna ask me did even how many fucking
want
like, who cares enough about me as a
fucking human being. To care to, you know,
be paying attention to whether I'm functioning and
if you have got what I... If my
needs are being met.
You don't you don't have to go search
for a dime for that, but also, if
you find a dom, that part or be
included or you can negotiate that or you
look wait until you find the person who
will give you that.
They're not mutually exclusive. No. They're not. Now
it can seem that way if you come
across some asshole dom, some air quote dom,
some Yeah. 1 true way. I mean, you
could be like, oh God, or all of
these people just some motherfuckers. I mean, some
of them are. Yes. Yeah
but yeah. You, you know, it it's it
it it may... It... I got a chuckle
when you read the the title to that.
Yeah. You know, being a dom does not
mean,
preclude you from being a nice guy. Right.
You know,
just like you can
be a a non kin person in be
raging asshole? Total un nice person. Right.
Yeah. I think I think your initial thought
is the exact right 1. What this person
needs to do is to go away and
learn more about Bd is specifically submission and
the vast
ways
number of ways that it can be expressed,
you know,
and maybe even, like, be around some kinky
people talk to some kinky people read watch
whatever whatever.
And then think for themselves, okay. Is any
of this resonating with me? Right? You know,
because is it that they're not kinky or
is it that they just came across the
partners that were not right for them? And
if you don't even know what you want
Like... And that's... Then you you can't possibly
find something who's gonna fit. Sure. However, the
other... The caveat, like, the the parent here
is, you can think know what you want
when you go into it, try it and
oh. 0 hell no. This is not what
I want. This is not for me. And
either find another flavor
or go Yeah. I'm I'm not actually kinky.
I'm gonna go over here to, you know,
the non king side of things.
But so just, you know, even trying to
figure out what you want before you get
some practical experience is imperfect. Yeah. But if
they haven't had
meaningful
good experiences with former partners,
and they're questioning this.
I and you know, go learn more about
it and then ask yourself the question? Do
I think I could live without this?
Because quite quite frankly, you can either just
not be kinky or this might not be
great season in your life. Yeah. To explore
this. Right. Too. That's true. God knows plenty
of us come to it much later in
long. Mh. Because that's the right time to
actually think about it and explore it. Yeah.
So
why can't I catch my birthday? I think
if I'm un diagnosed, and I'm I'm
not confident enough too self diagnosed. But if
I have the 80 8DI
think the
Adhd is Ad adhd ing today.
And I think that's my problem.
Okay. So that was the last 1.
So Yay for that. Mh.
And now
we can go into
a found a section. Right.
And I will try really hard to catch
my fucking breath.
Yes. Hell least just do that, you know,
I know it's making you very nervous.
Kidding.
I go through this every once in a
while. I do. And it's usually when
the the mind is just...
Okay. Laughing in there. And I'm I'm not
used to seeing this. I don't you have
to talk through it? Yeah. See, I... My
my midday, the noon fucking stream.
I'm much calmer,
usually. Mh everyone so... I mean, we get
chaotic. Y'all know that. But, like, my best
time for focus in the day is morning
to midday.
I used all of that today.
Gotcha. And then went into what I can
only described as possibly a hyper focus
and got a week... I said it earlier,
a week's worth of worked
5 hours.
And now I think my brain is just
trying catch up. Yeah. Okay. Alright.
Alright. So we're all that being said. That
was plenty to be sad. Are good.
I don't know. I just hope I would
scared anybody awake.
Keep it y'all. We'll
see you next week.
Hey. Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to
the crickets, please?
Yeah.
Next week is episode 4
Yep.
That's true. Mh. I had to quickly
text my mother this morning. She is coming
for a visit. She thought mid June. I
looked at a calendar and went, well, that
starts the next week. I need to text
my mother. Yeah. I like, hey, you know,
when you're coming because we're gonna take a
week off when she is here. So I
don't... We don't have to try to navigate
recording and drink really what it.
Hannah, I'm like, have you figured that out.
Yeah. Because I need to, like, plan my
my work life here. Mh. And she goes,
I have no clue, but it will definitely
not be next week.
Again, the evil step dad has been... Have
a medical stuff go on, and they're waiting
for results that they're waiting to make appointments
and, like, there's all kinds of stuff going
on. She's like, just like, I gotta be.
And I'm like no. My I goodness. Jay
you had to, like, I had to go
through some stuff. I sure ship me there.
I go into the doctor's office with them
though I talk to the doctor, Hip what?
We don't know her.
No.
I will point out if the symptoms he
is not telling them about.
So, yes, I would absolutely. I would be
in my mom's shoes. I be like, okay,
I guess I I'm not leaving town when
there's all this medical stuff going on.
So Yeah. It it kinda seems that way
silent... And live chat Silent asked, does that
mean we're celebrating 400 episodes and 10000 of
drivers at the same time, kind of. So
we have the live stream on Saturday for
10 k subscribers. And then Wednesday will stream
the 4 hundredth episode that is actually going
to be a q and a episode, we're
gonna ask for questions from
Instagram. Mh.
Just because it's so much easier to organize
them that way.
So, yeah, we will be doing that. Next
week.
So
I could sworn there was a thing I
told myself, hey. We'll talk that in the
bonus section, gone
poof out of the brain.
But
you and I
have
been... It's only the second time we've done
it. So it's a little new.
But we've been a Tim thing to takes
stupid fucking walks for stupid mental health. Yes.
And it works. I fucking hate that
sting
Shit. Well, I want I look, I want
an... An easy for me because I'm physically
capable of walking. I want an easy thing
that actually helps, but I don't want it
to be the thing. Everybody tells you you're
supposed to do. Like something about that rubs
me the wrong way. Like, I don't want
people to be right about that, but it...
Mh. And I'm sure it doesn't work for
everybody. I would never say that. But the
first day we did it,
Monday,
we came at
sweaty mess, not because it was even all
that hot outside We were walking at 05:30
in the morning, Y'all.
Yes. That's the time. I said,
but the perry menopause just fucking takes over.
And I got really hot. But we came
in Monday morning, and I just like... Started
day shit. You did. And kept doing shit
till I finally stopped at the end of
the day. And kinda so did I? Like,
what the fuck was that? I know. And
then today, now today's walk all in the
second 1.
Today's walk.
Started out stressful. 2 things.
Well this morning. The first thing I do
when my eyes open and I turn off
my fucking alarm is like, pick up It's
not a good habit. I pick up my
phone, and I start looking at this things.
And the first app I go to. I
go to email first. The first app I
go to after that is discord because we
have the discord server through at Patreon. And
I wanna make sure things that it's not
on fire in this morning
Fuck, I thought it was on fire. So
before we I could go for a walk,
I had to, like, temporarily fix things, which
it's handled its.
Shit happens. But then we get up We...
So I'm already rattled before I even get
out the bed I'm like, I, I'd haven't
even wiped the crust out of my eyes.
This is a little early.
But I am too panic and 2
to have gone. It can wait till 07:00
no. It had to be done right or
would never... I just... I couldn't... Oh, 0
my god.
So then we're a few minutes like out
for a walk. We go for a walk.
Crazy fucking neighbor who can't keep their pets
inside
has allowed out at 05:30 in the damn
morning.
They're basically... It... He's... The dog's a puppy,
but like an older puppy, not quite teenage
dog, but not a baby baby. Mh. Like,
right in that stage of the ain't got
not a fucking manner, and that dog
stood at the end of his driveway and
used his big boy.
And it's a strange dog. You'd... I don't
we don't know. Is he protecting the homestead
instead? Or is he trying to play? We
don't fucking know, and the dog in the
middle of barking at us with the big
boy voice, got the fucking zoo.
Because he's essentially a baby.
And we were out there for a couple
of minutes before the woman came out. I
was like, luke, let me try and get
him I'm so sorry. It took her 5
minutes Get, and he was steady zooming zoom
marriott backyard yard boy. I was like, oh
my god.
So I don't know if that was a
Shorter walk today? Maybe we just picked up
the pace.
Like we we walked the same amount. Did
we? Have you mapped art because we shorter
Jb leads the routes.
I just said, please don't take me into
total darkness at 05:30 in the morning. Go
over there are street lights.
And he just... He he told me I
could pick pace, and then I found myself
following them and I was like, I... I'm
not setting the pace here.
But I today ran Monday, you definitely. I
know. But then I watch Jb have
that moment that I think many of us
have had of having to not behind, but
with
walk
slower,
then you possibly want to. Thankfully, he wasn't
behind me because that's 1 of the most
frustrating things, but he still kept pace with
me
and it wasn't as fast as see
No when I'm first start. Now I gotta
get. I mean, you gotta warm this engine
up. Okay. I need a good my.
I am a bit
out of
practice
myself.
Okay.
Yeah. I use
there was a time I used to walk,
man. I... I'd...
You are a power walker. Oh, yeah. I
mean, I used to. I used to walk
5 k's and, like, actually care about beating
a time. So, yeah. I,
yeah. I I need to... Kind of... Yes.
But your...
Our fitness levels are not evenly matched. True.
True true true. So you're. True true true.
Slow is... I, oh, goodness Nothing and puff
a little bit.
Yeah.
So Oh god.
My sneakers are not.
Mine mine neither. I've got my sneakers are
really bad. I really need to replace them,
but that has not been a priority and
so we'll we'll work on and it'll be
fine. I'm still going.
Good so... And it it really...
I mean, can I blame whatever today's focus
thing was on the stupid walk for my
mental health? Am I like this now because
I got up at 05:30 and I went
for a walk. Mh. Can I can I
can I
use that as the?
It's not a me, it's the stupid walk.
05:30.
Yeah. And
silent, yes. It is still dark at 05:30.
But as it... As summer
progresses. Yeah. Well, we're we're almost at the
20 first, which was the longest day of
the year anyway. I mean... But
it... You know, yes. At at 05:30, it
is still dark.
But by the time we wake up, get
dressed and and get outside, it is starting
to get light. Yeah I mean... It's not
totally. Wouldn't read a book buy it, but,
yeah. You see the skylight. It's not gonna
be sun either, you know, but it's But
even as we get a little bit closer
to
the E or whatever,
it'll sun sunrise will back up a little
bit. Right now, our sunrise is, like, at
06:30,
the the full official Sunrise. Mh. I wanna
say, right at the not we get to
about 06:15 when we get sunrise. So we'll
get a couple weeks where it'll lighten up
a little bit more. Oh, yeah. And then
we'll be on the other side. And sorry
Going the other way. Yeah. But the nice
thing is is once it gets cool the
time changes,
we'll just walk in the evening and we'll
be okay.
So so... Yep.
But
you know.
What out?
I don't wanna talk about too much because
we got Saturday. Got Saturday. Yeah. I know.
And I think enough interesting things are gonna
have a trade. I was just gonna say
That just means we got do shit between
now and then. I mean, I got work
to do. That's that's funny. I only have
1 more doctor's appointment with the kid this
week. So that was good.
Got don't out the way. The way you
were saying, I thought there was gonna be
several doctor's appointments every day this week.
No. That's just me me in the hyper
way I speak.
I figured that. It was 3
appointments
over the course of the week. And for
me, that was just... A bunch of fucking
appointments. Yeah. But also there was a phone
call with a teacher that had to be
factored in,
Stuff. But, yeah. The 14 year old is
still on his health journey, but we are
getting more answers, so that is an nice
We're.
And and we're starting to make little tiny
progress here. It... Yeah. It's only been a
couple days and I'm already seeing it. Yes.
We discovered a delightful.
Health professional, that's on the kids team,
diet,
who was so delightful. We were quoting as
we walked back to the car.
Write on. Write on. Right on. Write on.
Every time, he was asking the kid question
I was trying to like, not to talk
too much, but mh kind of supply stuff.
And if what he heard was either usable
information or I think positive
information.
He would before he would tell us the
medical thing. His first response was right right
on. We've walked throughout this house. For the
rest of the week just going, right on
right on.
He was wonderful. He was fucking wonderful if
he was he was he was...
I
I liked him. Did. I him... I I
liked him. He
explained a lot of things.
Gap. I mean, he went over a whole
medical lesson and that That was amazing.
And and he did it in a way.
That we all understood it. Yes. Without being
condescending? Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. And and it was...
That in and of itself just amazing. Mh.
Mh. I mean, it helped me even learn
some things about myself. I know. I haven't
been able to have dessert.
For the past couple nights since Lauren I
a few things I'm like damn it. I
don't have 3 hours to sit up right
after I.
Right. So fully touch it. Yeah. Damn it.
Yeah. I know.
But, no. He he was he was a
big help.
And
silent
I absolutely thought about math Mc.
Talking.
Maybe he's just heavily influenced by Matthew Mc
mckenna and Matthew Mc mckenna is his personal
hero. Yeah. I'm here for that.
So... But, no. With with with some of
the stuff he will... He was talking about,
we we had started,
slowly implementing it.
And
just in a few days, we have started
seeing some positive
Yeah but positive changes. Yeah.
And for how deep some of the issues
went to even see, I mean,
I didn't expect to see changes at all
this Quickly, but small ones are it's huge.
Yeah.
Yeah. We'll follow up with the diet attrition
right on right on. The
which will also be the kids,
the kids Gi doctor
is retiring. Yeah. And the kid's appointment with
him is the dudes last day. And we
also learned at this appointment because he's he's
he's retiring from age, like, not, like, after.
We also learned that,
apparently, the... Those in the office who work
with the Gi doctor, call them grandpa
grandpa.
I hope it was said with love and
infection. Right. Right.
Right?
Right. I I hope it's meant as a
term of deal. Exactly. Exactly.
So
Kim, could we go back to the new
dessert because of the 3 hours thing. 1
of the things the diet explained to us
we were talking about what the kid is
dealing with. And so the thing you want
them to do is, I think specifically because
of this, But I think it's a best
practice. And that is
the reason the reason it's recommended that you
don't eat something heavier or eat food and
then immediately go to bed is because apparently,
once you lay flat
body... Like, you stop digesting. Right? And so
if you eat too much and immediately go
to bed that's kinda why you wake up
film like crap. So the recommendation for the
kid,
is after his last meal, he needs to
sit at at least 45 degree angle or
more up,
so that his body is still work and
digesting. Right. 3 hours before he Mh. For
at least 3 hours. So in that way,
it was really 3 hours before bed, but
that kid stays up late it's for 3
hours. I not I never heard that before.
None of us have had, you know, we're
we're aware of the fact you know, when
he was telling us that when... So when
you lay down. Everything stops. Everything stops working.
Sense. Everything everything stops working. He he explained
to us the whole process
of how when you swallow? We had diagrams
on the.
A diagram going and everything. And it was
a whole ass lesson he showed us is
a teaching hospital So I'm pretty sure
that or a teaching facility. So he's used
to doing the teaching part. So what's happening
is it might be 09:00 before I go
fuck, I wanna deserve I'm like, I'm not
sitting up it.
Now, for something like dessert, do you need
the 3 hours? Probably not, but... And the
diet right on right on has not told
me otherwise Lola agrees. Well agrees. So
just want attention. But...
Yeah.
So,
yeah, it's really fucked up my ability to
eat dessert. This past couple days, which is
not a bad thing. I'm pretty sure. I
didn't need
too much more dessert. Now. But, yeah, now,
I'm, I'm, like, paying attention to the clock
when I eat something. I'm like, well, it's
dinner time. We're not going to bed too
soon. It's
But, yeah, It's just it's kind of...
I think it's kind of... It is a
relief to feel like we have not just
answers because kid was getting diagnoses left right
and center. But then there's like, hey. Here's
the thing you do about this side.
You And what I really liked about the
diet. He was, like,
here's why this happens. Here's how this happens.
Yeah. And it was aligning with everything we've
been watching happen for, like, 3 years and
are like, oh,
I seen where that happened. Okay. That makes
sense to me. So that's nice.
Is. It's it was nice. It was it
was refreshing. Yeah. And a little bit of
a weight lifted
because it was like, oh, we have a
team here We have a team working on
this issue because this issue is the kind
of issue that sends people to hospital. I
mean, we've been looking at the kid going.
Is that where we're headed it? There we
go into hot.
Hopefully not. It it was weight lifted,
but
very encouraging to see the small changes in
the short time.
Well, also... That gives hope, Well, also
reminding ourselves that
these things aren't linear, so we'll do loop
your loops and go back and go forward
and jump up and go down, but... Yep.
Yep yep. Yeah.
What you said.
So
Yeah. Our we're talking about digestion and
stuff, and, Gi stuff.
That's what you come to the bonus section
for. Gotcha. I know I know that it
is. I know that it is.
Yeah. No. It's it's typical stuff it's work.
It's always work, but then it's
it's medical stuff. Yeah. And
it's dogs with big boy voices. That's but
what we got this week.
We gotta keep, like, we gotta minimize because
we got all Saturday night.
But if you've never been to,
evening livestream like, a Friday night, and this
1 will be a saturday and night It
gets random. It gets chaotic out. It's can
on purpose, Like, that's the point. We talk
about fucking it everything.
Not actually fucking everything,
but many, many, many topics.
What
so it... It's almost 08:30. Are we gonna
have time for dessert tonight or now?
We would have to sit up right until
11 minutes.
You wanna watch 3 episodes of?
I don't wanna get through season 2 and
Queen Charlotte too fast because I don't wanna
start season 3 until I could watch all
of season 3.
I mean, I'm thinking for a small thing
like,
dessert, you probably don't need the full 3
hours. Yeah. Because he did say after dinner,
which is typically right. The larger meal. With
the way the kids eating right now. It's
his largest meal.
So
maybe there can be to start.
Well you know what you said you know
wanna rush through
through
you said you don't wanna brush through Bridge.
I don't wanna get through too fast. I
think,
last season to sweet tooth.
Yeah. Is out. Feel free. I know. You're
you're not... You weren't.
Episode. It just wasn't 1 that, like, I
was r, Like... I've I've liked. I know
have, like, you were debt or Mh. Definitely
into it. Hey Yeah. I will say the
most recent doctor Hu episode was better or
was young? Also still good. Mh.
The
the end when you realize
more clearly what the actual point of this
episode was?
Yeah.
Yeah. How... It was it was powerful. I
would imagine people who actually
live through racism
how may have a different take or may
have spotted the signs.
Much quicker than we did, but... Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I was still... It was a good
episode and then it was jarring, and I
was like holy shit. I thought we were
here to have a little space of insurance
save people. Yeah. Okay. We did something different
to this time. Very different. And, I mean,
it's stuck with me since we watched it
And I do count it as 1 of
the top episodes for this season so far.
I mean, which isn't hard to do considering
the first 2 were won't won't
so disappointing.
I'm not going back into that rant. I'm
sure Saturday night, somebody will get me into
that rant because f day we need to
watch the next episode 1. Of doctor. Say
There you go. So on that note, Mh.
You wanna go watch sweet tooth because this
new season just came out. Yeah.
Or no That until tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. I
don't remember.
Yeah. Maybe Thursday or Friday, I think it...
Date order numbers. That's not my job. It'll
be there.
But now we can need to go have
the debate about, can we have the cert?
Set upright.
That that's the real. Yeah,
decision trying to made around here. I know.
Okay. We're gonna go. I gotta go time
stamps in. I... We had stuff to him.
Yeah thanks for being here, especially to the
bitter end. Hopefully, we'll see you again on
saturday. Join us and. And then come hang
with us saturday podcast folks. If you don't
normally get to do it and near free
Saturday night. I know for some people it's
difficult because this is pride month and there's
lots of events going on and it's the
weekend and there's kin events and it's the
week. Like I get it. We will miss
you. But if you can, you got time.
I don't think it I don't think it
was Mo, Ken.
The live in live chat kim asked curious
as to whether or not the most recent
was written by Steven Mo. I don't know.
I I don't think it was.
Any anyhow. Mh.
We're gonna go back. Go
Thanks Thanks for being here. Yep. All that.
Yeah We love you. Bye.