1 00:00:10,785 --> 00:00:12,485 - You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, 2 00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:15,925 episode 3 95 Killer Lord's here with the man, the myth, 3 00:00:16,025 --> 00:00:18,085 the legend, John Brownstone , 4 00:00:18,355 --> 00:00:19,965 because we're time traveling. 5 00:00:20,345 --> 00:00:23,325 You're going to hear it right for Friday's podcast 6 00:00:23,585 --> 00:00:25,325 and then for Mondays, you're gonna hear it all 7 00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:26,525 fucked up. All 8 00:00:26,525 --> 00:00:27,965 - Kinds of fucked up. All Jed up. 9 00:00:28,225 --> 00:00:30,445 - Oh my God. Because that was the practice one. 10 00:00:30,745 --> 00:00:33,085 Now, you know what order we record things in . 11 00:00:35,585 --> 00:00:37,125 That's not what we're here for. No. 12 00:00:37,425 --> 00:00:40,805 Uh, this week we are actually revisiting a topic we last 13 00:00:40,805 --> 00:00:44,605 discussed in 2016, in episode 44, 14 00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:46,405 back when they were still two digits. 15 00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:49,725 Uh, and that's the responsibilities we have to each other 16 00:00:49,945 --> 00:00:51,205 and our power exchange. 17 00:00:51,835 --> 00:00:53,445 Welcome to the Living BDSM podcast. 18 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,285 This is your first time listening. Glad to have you. 19 00:00:55,285 --> 00:00:57,005 If you're back for another week, welcome back. 20 00:00:57,145 --> 00:00:58,965 Loving B DSM is produced every Monday 21 00:00:58,965 --> 00:01:00,845 and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education. 22 00:01:01,035 --> 00:01:03,485 Show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 23 00:01:03,795 --> 00:01:05,485 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast 24 00:01:05,625 --> 00:01:06,965 to your favorite podcast app. 25 00:01:07,145 --> 00:01:10,725 You can also follow the show on FetLife at Loving BDSM PC 26 00:01:10,725 --> 00:01:12,805 that stands for podcast on Instagram, 27 00:01:12,805 --> 00:01:14,645 and technically threads at that handle. 28 00:01:15,045 --> 00:01:18,285 I will forever fucking hate loving Ds 29 00:01:18,285 --> 00:01:20,845 and the number one, so at Loving DS one, 30 00:01:21,105 --> 00:01:23,525 or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving 31 00:01:23,915 --> 00:01:25,005 bdsm, where you can watch us live. 32 00:01:25,005 --> 00:01:26,485 Stream the podcast every Wednesday. 33 00:01:27,105 --> 00:01:28,245 All links are in the show notes. 34 00:01:28,745 --> 00:01:31,165 Big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, 35 00:01:31,165 --> 00:01:33,045 including our newest peeps, we're able 36 00:01:33,045 --> 00:01:36,005 to do this very weird thing on the internet in large 37 00:01:36,005 --> 00:01:37,565 part because of our kinky patrons. 38 00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,925 And we are grateful for every fucking one of you. 39 00:01:40,385 --> 00:01:41,965 If you'd like to join our kinky community 40 00:01:41,965 --> 00:01:43,325 and get access to extra content 41 00:01:43,385 --> 00:01:45,325 and a Discord server with a group of super cool, 42 00:01:45,325 --> 00:01:46,925 super nice sters, you can do that. 43 00:01:47,035 --> 00:01:50,285 Just join us at patreon.com/kayla lords. 44 00:01:50,345 --> 00:01:53,885 That's patreon.com/kayla lords, 45 00:01:53,885 --> 00:01:55,405 or use the link in the show notes. 46 00:01:55,905 --> 00:01:58,485 Uh, what I love podcast listeners, you did not see this. 47 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,765 JB took a, did a vape thing. 48 00:02:00,925 --> 00:02:02,925 I still don't know the terminology for the action 49 00:02:03,025 --> 00:02:05,205 of sucking on a vape, uh, vaping. 50 00:02:05,555 --> 00:02:07,725 Okay, sure. And he said, one last one. 51 00:02:07,745 --> 00:02:10,845 We everybody knows that's not his last one. 52 00:02:11,425 --> 00:02:14,925 You either watch or hear the whooshing sound 53 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,965 as he vapes at some point in this episode. 54 00:02:18,545 --> 00:02:19,765 But I think it's darling 55 00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,485 that you are trying to tell yourself 56 00:02:21,995 --> 00:02:24,085 - It's the last one till the episode is over. 57 00:02:24,225 --> 00:02:27,885 - That's not at all true . That is not at all true. 58 00:02:28,035 --> 00:02:31,685 - What do you mean not true during the episode? 59 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:32,885 I do not vape. 60 00:02:33,595 --> 00:02:34,965 - Well, the episode is through 61 00:02:34,965 --> 00:02:36,085 to the end of the bonus section. 62 00:02:36,145 --> 00:02:37,685 Do you mean through the topic? Through 63 00:02:37,685 --> 00:02:38,685 - The topic. 64 00:02:38,685 --> 00:02:39,285 - Okay. The whole episode 65 00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,325 - Is from start to finish. 66 00:02:40,545 --> 00:02:42,525 No, the episode is when we talk about the stuff. 67 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:46,965 The bonus section is just, it's part of the episode Fri It's 68 00:02:46,965 --> 00:02:48,485 - Part of the episode - . 69 00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:50,805 Okay. Anyhow, 70 00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:54,685 - Anyway, , uh, also podcast listeners. 71 00:02:54,705 --> 00:02:56,805 Uh, we're streaming later in the day than usual, 72 00:02:56,865 --> 00:02:59,765 and it is clearly fucking with us . 73 00:03:00,065 --> 00:03:02,165 Um, okay. I said this before. I'm gonna say it again. 74 00:03:02,345 --> 00:03:06,645 Um, also in, in my, um, my little, uh, outline script thing, 75 00:03:06,765 --> 00:03:08,485 I put announcement question mark. 76 00:03:08,645 --> 00:03:10,405 I don't have anything to announce. . 77 00:03:10,645 --> 00:03:13,685 I probably should. Am I marketing our businesses properly? 78 00:03:13,685 --> 00:03:16,125 If I don't, I No, I suck at this . 79 00:03:16,785 --> 00:03:19,885 Um, so just insert your own announcement here. 80 00:03:19,955 --> 00:03:23,285 What, what you think we might say in this part? 81 00:03:24,145 --> 00:03:25,165 You're turning on the fan. 82 00:03:25,185 --> 00:03:26,725 - I'm turning on the fan. - Okay. 83 00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:30,365 So the thing I is, I know I've just said it's a repeat. 84 00:03:30,385 --> 00:03:34,725 And that is this topic we did technically do in 2016 85 00:03:34,725 --> 00:03:35,845 for episode 44. 86 00:03:36,545 --> 00:03:38,485 Um, that's a long ass time ago. 87 00:03:38,765 --> 00:03:41,925 I did link that episode on our website in the places. 88 00:03:42,105 --> 00:03:45,285 If you want to go back and listen to what we sounded like. 89 00:03:46,755 --> 00:03:50,005 Holy crap. Eight years ago, holy shit. 90 00:03:50,005 --> 00:03:52,605 Eight years ago, , what the fuck? 91 00:03:53,985 --> 00:03:56,685 I'm pretty sure we sounded, uh, younger and more hopeful. 92 00:03:57,285 --> 00:04:01,405 life had not quite kicked our asses in 2016. 93 00:04:01,465 --> 00:04:04,325 We were doing good in 2016. Yeah. , 94 00:04:05,185 --> 00:04:06,185 - Uh, 2016. 95 00:04:06,185 --> 00:04:07,685 It was a good year. Oh, 96 00:04:08,425 --> 00:04:09,425 - Anyway. 97 00:04:09,425 --> 00:04:12,325 Um, so, uh, 98 00:04:13,185 --> 00:04:14,765 but why are we rehashing, not 99 00:04:14,765 --> 00:04:17,205 because I just, Hey, let's redo an, an episode or a topic. 100 00:04:17,505 --> 00:04:21,085 But because, and I mentioned this last week or week 101 00:04:21,085 --> 00:04:22,125 before JB 102 00:04:22,125 --> 00:04:24,365 and I recently had a, we were having 103 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,885 to have not, we were not angry. 104 00:04:26,085 --> 00:04:29,325 I was not angry, but it was kind of a firm conversation. 105 00:04:30,305 --> 00:04:31,685 Uh, we were talking about fuckery. 106 00:04:31,785 --> 00:04:34,845 It was when we were talking about when, you know, 107 00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:36,245 when do I get a break? 108 00:04:36,435 --> 00:04:37,845 Like you get breaks, blah, blah, blah. 109 00:04:38,185 --> 00:04:39,325 But in that conversation, 110 00:04:39,385 --> 00:04:41,525 we were talking about fuckery, . 111 00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:44,005 'cause it's not Jamie's responsibility for me to get breaks. 112 00:04:44,035 --> 00:04:45,445 It's my responsibility. We could talk about that. 113 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,285 But we were talking about how our fuckery works. 114 00:04:48,425 --> 00:04:49,925 And in our power exchange, 115 00:04:49,925 --> 00:04:51,405 because of how I am wired, 116 00:04:52,085 --> 00:04:54,765 I will let him know when I'm interested or unable to, 117 00:04:54,765 --> 00:04:55,845 or unwilling or whatever. 118 00:04:56,405 --> 00:04:59,045 I will, outside of kinky sexy times, 119 00:04:59,745 --> 00:05:01,325 say, Hey, here's a thing. 120 00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:04,005 I'd like, Hey, here's what I've been, whatever, whatever. 121 00:05:04,005 --> 00:05:05,325 Right? Here's what I think I'd like. 122 00:05:05,325 --> 00:05:07,925 Here's what I'd like to do. Have I miss doing this? 123 00:05:07,995 --> 00:05:09,005 I'll do those things. 124 00:05:09,945 --> 00:05:12,765 But for the actual, Hey, there's going to be fuckery. 125 00:05:12,825 --> 00:05:17,565 Now that's j b's job that he signed up for that on day one. 126 00:05:17,995 --> 00:05:21,405 He's never renegotiated it. It is legit. 127 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,365 The only way we will ever have fuckery in our life. 128 00:05:23,485 --> 00:05:26,245 'cause if you waiting on me, who I just, 129 00:05:26,525 --> 00:05:27,965 I forget shit like that exists. 130 00:05:28,115 --> 00:05:32,565 Okay. Um, it's not object permanence, 131 00:05:32,585 --> 00:05:35,045 but it's something like it, I think holding my lip . 132 00:05:35,185 --> 00:05:37,725 Um, and in that conversation 133 00:05:37,975 --> 00:05:42,765 where we were both bemoaning the lack of fuckery, I, 134 00:05:42,955 --> 00:05:45,325 because, uh, I'm, 135 00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:49,205 I'm submissive sometimes when I remember, uh, I said 136 00:05:49,845 --> 00:05:51,605 I it was, and it was a polite conversation. 137 00:05:51,605 --> 00:05:52,805 Yeah. But I basically said, yes, 138 00:05:52,865 --> 00:05:55,605 but that part is your responsibility. 139 00:05:56,835 --> 00:06:00,605 I've told you what I'm down for, and that I'm more into it. 140 00:06:00,605 --> 00:06:02,005 And, hey, I'd really like this. 141 00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:06,805 The the next step is on you until you tell me otherwise. 142 00:06:07,745 --> 00:06:11,605 And so having that conversation made me think about the 143 00:06:12,165 --> 00:06:14,685 responsibilities that we each have as individuals 144 00:06:15,385 --> 00:06:17,965 to ourselves, but also to one another. 145 00:06:18,065 --> 00:06:20,805 And the pow. And I think this might go hand in hand 146 00:06:21,105 --> 00:06:23,645 to one another as being in a relationship, being partners 147 00:06:23,645 --> 00:06:26,645 with each other, but also to the relationship as a whole. 148 00:06:27,145 --> 00:06:28,485 And so I wanted to talk about that. 149 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,005 And when I was doing a little search 150 00:06:31,005 --> 00:06:32,565 through the archive, I was like, oh, shit. 151 00:06:32,565 --> 00:06:34,285 We already talked about it again. I'm pretty sure eight 152 00:06:34,285 --> 00:06:36,685 years later, we'll say slightly different things. 153 00:06:36,965 --> 00:06:39,645 . Hopefully we'll have different examples, . 154 00:06:41,065 --> 00:06:44,805 So, um, before I did try 155 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:46,205 to like, keep us organized. 156 00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:47,805 We'll see how that goes. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 157 00:06:47,845 --> 00:06:48,965 . But before we get into that, what, 158 00:06:49,145 --> 00:06:51,245 how do you think of that? 159 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,205 The, just the idea of your responsibilities. 160 00:06:54,385 --> 00:06:56,005 Our responsibilities? Like what? 161 00:06:56,515 --> 00:06:58,365 Where's your head at on that 162 00:06:58,945 --> 00:07:00,125 - Got a lot of responsibility? 163 00:07:00,125 --> 00:07:02,285 There's so many, so much responsibility. 164 00:07:03,065 --> 00:07:06,125 Um, you know, there, there's 165 00:07:07,805 --> 00:07:09,965 a whole lot of different aspects. Oh, 166 00:07:09,965 --> 00:07:10,885 - It's all encompassing. Yeah. 167 00:07:11,065 --> 00:07:12,125 - To, to the, the be 168 00:07:12,125 --> 00:07:15,165 because there's our responsibility as parents. 169 00:07:15,515 --> 00:07:16,725 Sure. Um, 170 00:07:17,295 --> 00:07:20,085 - Which does inform how we behave as kinky people. 171 00:07:20,185 --> 00:07:21,525 Mm-Hmm. . I mean, we do not walk 172 00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,405 around this house naked because we are are 173 00:07:23,405 --> 00:07:24,845 parenting. There's Yeah. 174 00:07:25,125 --> 00:07:27,405 - A - Child here. Mm-Hmm. . Right? 175 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:31,765 - Yeah. Um, you know, we, we have our responsibility 176 00:07:31,905 --> 00:07:34,125 to our work and our jobs. 177 00:07:34,345 --> 00:07:38,605 We have our responsibility to ourselves each other as 178 00:07:39,565 --> 00:07:41,125 a, a couple mm-Hmm. 179 00:07:41,165 --> 00:07:44,365 . And then the re added responsibility of, 180 00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:45,765 of the, the Ds. 181 00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:50,005 - Right. And the, I think for, tell me if you agree or not. 182 00:07:50,005 --> 00:07:52,605 Mm-Hmm. , I think the power exchange flows 183 00:07:53,845 --> 00:07:56,845 seamlessly to a certain extent so that I don't, 184 00:07:57,405 --> 00:07:59,165 I know it is separate. 185 00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:01,005 Like the Ds could go away. 186 00:08:01,005 --> 00:08:02,445 There'd still be two married people 187 00:08:02,445 --> 00:08:03,645 doing all the other things we did. 188 00:08:04,225 --> 00:08:08,925 But it feels like such an integral part of myself 189 00:08:08,945 --> 00:08:12,005 as an individual of how our relationship functions. 190 00:08:12,755 --> 00:08:16,525 That I tend to think if I am 191 00:08:17,075 --> 00:08:20,685 showing responsibility to the relationship, 192 00:08:21,745 --> 00:08:24,805 the power exchange is in that as well. 193 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,605 That's like an automatic to me. 194 00:08:27,185 --> 00:08:30,285 Um, because what is good for the relationship Mm-Hmm. 195 00:08:30,325 --> 00:08:32,205 currently at least is good 196 00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:33,485 for our power exchange. 197 00:08:33,795 --> 00:08:36,205 - True. True. - You know, um, 198 00:08:36,325 --> 00:08:38,365 I think those things layer on top of one another. 199 00:08:38,365 --> 00:08:39,725 Mm-Hmm. . And they, whatever you do 200 00:08:39,725 --> 00:08:42,565 to just the generic, Hey, we're married 201 00:08:42,745 --> 00:08:45,125 to one another relationship is going 202 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,765 to impact the power exchange. 203 00:08:46,865 --> 00:08:48,045 And I know that's not true for everybody. 204 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,685 Those, some people very clearly separate those things out. 205 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:54,725 I don't feel like we do. I know technically we could. Yeah. 206 00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:57,205 I hope to God that never fucking happens. 207 00:08:57,565 --> 00:09:00,485 , uh, you wanna talk about a whiny baby girl 208 00:09:00,945 --> 00:09:01,965 and a grumpy one? 209 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:06,005 Um, the first thing I had on my list Mm-Hmm. 210 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:06,965 , um, is not 211 00:09:07,165 --> 00:09:08,125 actually the first thing that's coming to mind. 212 00:09:08,125 --> 00:09:09,125 So we're gonna just skip that. We're gonna go about 213 00:09:09,195 --> 00:09:10,405 talk communication. 214 00:09:10,745 --> 00:09:14,245 Mm. So anybody who's been trying to learn about 215 00:09:14,585 --> 00:09:17,085 or be involved in kink in any way 216 00:09:17,105 --> 00:09:18,845 for more than five minutes has probably heard 217 00:09:19,765 --> 00:09:21,805 a million bajillion times about the 218 00:09:21,805 --> 00:09:22,885 importance of communication. 219 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:27,405 And that is still is true. Yes. Work on those skills. 220 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:32,005 Talk to your partner. That is how things happen. Yes. 221 00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:36,405 The, the time I feel the weight 222 00:09:36,465 --> 00:09:40,845 of the responsibility the most is when things are not easy. 223 00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:42,565 Not that they're necessarily bad. Mm-Hmm. . 224 00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:43,685 I mean, you feel it then too, when 225 00:09:43,685 --> 00:09:44,765 like, there's an argument going on. 226 00:09:45,465 --> 00:09:48,285 But even when it's just things aren't 227 00:09:49,385 --> 00:09:50,845 as easy as they can sometimes be. 228 00:09:50,905 --> 00:09:51,965 Let me give you an example. 229 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,325 And I just, I use this example to show that even 230 00:09:55,325 --> 00:09:58,325 after all this time, I still have plenty of room 231 00:09:58,465 --> 00:09:59,525 to grow and learn. 232 00:09:59,625 --> 00:10:01,045 And I still fall back on bad habits. 233 00:10:01,485 --> 00:10:04,005 I do not remember why I felt this way. It was in the past. 234 00:10:04,665 --> 00:10:06,765 Oh, no, I remember now, uh, sorry. 235 00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:12,405 In the past, like couple of days, something happened 236 00:10:12,435 --> 00:10:13,685 that did not actually happen. 237 00:10:14,285 --> 00:10:16,285 I just, sometimes I hurt my own feelings. Okay. 238 00:10:17,105 --> 00:10:20,085 And I was just not in a great mood. 239 00:10:20,985 --> 00:10:23,365 And I had that moment 240 00:10:24,455 --> 00:10:27,525 where I didn't want to have to tell you 241 00:10:28,265 --> 00:10:30,365 or talk to you about what was on my mind. 242 00:10:30,765 --> 00:10:34,285 I wanted you to either just know, 243 00:10:35,225 --> 00:10:38,525 or I'm, I'm, I've gotten to a point in my life. 244 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:42,565 I don't think that's, um, realistic in general, this face 245 00:10:42,585 --> 00:10:44,485 and these moods are too mercurial. 246 00:10:44,585 --> 00:10:46,285 If the poor man was trying 247 00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:48,885 to ask what's wrong when I've got resting bitch face, 248 00:10:48,975 --> 00:10:50,005 we're just, it'd be weird. 249 00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:52,165 - I'm, I'm beyond asking anymore, right? 250 00:10:52,405 --> 00:10:55,445 - . But it was more like what I wanted. 251 00:10:56,545 --> 00:10:58,085 And I, I'm grateful. 252 00:10:58,165 --> 00:10:59,565 I did not want it for more than about 30 seconds. 253 00:10:59,715 --> 00:11:02,325 What I wanted was for you to notice something was off 254 00:11:03,145 --> 00:11:05,245 and ask me what was wrong. 255 00:11:05,725 --> 00:11:08,725 . And I have, 256 00:11:08,925 --> 00:11:10,125 - I have something to say about that 257 00:11:10,565 --> 00:11:11,565 - . 258 00:11:11,565 --> 00:11:12,725 Well, here's what's funny. I have the thought 259 00:11:12,985 --> 00:11:14,805 and then I caught myself 260 00:11:14,825 --> 00:11:16,845 and I was like, what the actual fuck? 261 00:11:16,865 --> 00:11:18,885 You're not 16 anymore. 262 00:11:19,385 --> 00:11:21,245 You are not 23 and married 263 00:11:21,385 --> 00:11:24,165 and in a bad marriage, what the fuck are you doing? 264 00:11:24,445 --> 00:11:26,365 I was like, wait, if the thing 265 00:11:26,365 --> 00:11:28,685 that calms me down my anxious self 266 00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:32,605 from getting worried about is everything okay with you? 267 00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:35,005 Mm-Hmm. is that I think to myself, 268 00:11:35,305 --> 00:11:37,565 he is a responsible ass fucking adult. 269 00:11:37,585 --> 00:11:39,565 If something's wrong, he will say something else. 270 00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,085 That's not always true. You do go into yourself 271 00:11:41,085 --> 00:11:42,405 and that's, that's a different thing. 272 00:11:42,405 --> 00:11:44,285 Yeah. But in general, if I have fucked up 273 00:11:44,505 --> 00:11:47,525 and he's upset with me, he's probably gonna say something. 274 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,245 So I was like, how can I hold him 275 00:11:50,385 --> 00:11:52,165 to a standard he's not holding me to? 276 00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:55,485 If I want to talk about this, I need 277 00:11:55,485 --> 00:11:59,085 to just fucking say something and get over myself. 278 00:11:59,955 --> 00:12:02,285 Funnily enough, I did not end up saying anything. 279 00:12:02,485 --> 00:12:03,965 I just got over it. . 280 00:12:04,025 --> 00:12:07,805 It was not even worth, I really did hurt my own feelings. 281 00:12:07,945 --> 00:12:10,365 It really was not even worth Wow. 282 00:12:10,825 --> 00:12:12,765 The, the annoyance I was feeling 283 00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:15,605 and me sort of feeling sorry for myself 284 00:12:15,605 --> 00:12:19,965 and just wishing that my daddy Dom noticed how sad I looked. 285 00:12:23,995 --> 00:12:26,565 That is not fair to him. He is not a mind reader. 286 00:12:26,565 --> 00:12:27,725 None of us are mind readers. 287 00:12:27,725 --> 00:12:31,005 If, if you've got a fucking problem, it's important enough 288 00:12:31,005 --> 00:12:32,285 to you and you're safe. 289 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:35,125 I mean, let's gi that let's make that the given. Mm-Hmm. 290 00:12:35,165 --> 00:12:36,725 , you gotta fucking say something. 291 00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:38,925 Otherwise, it can't possibly be that important. 292 00:12:39,245 --> 00:12:40,685 I mean, I know that's not universally true, 293 00:12:40,705 --> 00:12:42,045 but that's how my mind is working. But, 294 00:12:42,545 --> 00:12:43,965 - So, you know, - Did you know that moment? 295 00:12:44,185 --> 00:12:46,045 Did you see it? No. Oh, okay. Phew. 296 00:12:47,345 --> 00:12:48,605 - No . Okay. - Good. 297 00:12:49,225 --> 00:12:53,565 - You know, it, it's, it's kinda like the thing you, uh, 298 00:12:53,705 --> 00:12:57,605 you showed me one time, you are a sire. 299 00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:02,285 - I am. And I don't, I don't even sigh for reasons. 300 00:13:02,495 --> 00:13:05,605 - Right. And for, for a long time, 301 00:13:06,095 --> 00:13:07,965 every time I heard one of those sides, 302 00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:10,005 I was like, what's wrong? 303 00:13:10,005 --> 00:13:12,445 Something going on. You know what, what in 304 00:13:12,445 --> 00:13:14,845 - Your world, people only sighed when there was a problem. 305 00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:16,525 - . Yeah. And, 306 00:13:16,585 --> 00:13:20,125 and no, you just let out these big, deep sides. I mean, 307 00:13:20,205 --> 00:13:21,405 - 'cause I forget to breathe . 308 00:13:22,265 --> 00:13:26,125 - And, you know, I used to always ask, 309 00:13:26,685 --> 00:13:27,765 - I vaguely - Remember that. 310 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,605 Are you okay? Something wrong? You know? 311 00:13:30,105 --> 00:13:34,085 And, and I finally just got to the point where, you know, 312 00:13:34,625 --> 00:13:37,725 one, after seeing this reel talking about certain 313 00:13:37,725 --> 00:13:41,165 neurodivergence and, and just is like a stem 314 00:13:41,165 --> 00:13:42,165 - Sometimes. 315 00:13:42,165 --> 00:13:42,885 Yeah. And I didn't know that either. 316 00:13:42,985 --> 00:13:45,645 - So, you know, now I hear you sigh. 317 00:13:45,645 --> 00:13:48,365 And I'm just like, if there's something really 318 00:13:48,365 --> 00:13:49,845 wrong, she'll tell me. And 319 00:13:49,845 --> 00:13:51,325 - That, you know, that is, and, 320 00:13:51,945 --> 00:13:53,405 - And, and that goes in hand. 321 00:13:53,925 --> 00:13:56,405 I, I came across this reel the other day. 322 00:13:56,525 --> 00:13:58,325 I wish I had saved, I wish I had saved it. 323 00:13:59,065 --> 00:14:01,045 Um, I, it was a woman 324 00:14:01,835 --> 00:14:05,005 talking about hints. 325 00:14:05,425 --> 00:14:07,765 Mm-Hmm. in, in relationships. Mm-Hmm. 326 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:12,285 where women will hint to their partner, 327 00:14:12,755 --> 00:14:13,755 - Some women, right. 328 00:14:13,755 --> 00:14:14,525 Let's not stereotype for 329 00:14:14,525 --> 00:14:15,525 - Sure. 330 00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:16,605 Okay. Some not, not all. 331 00:14:17,545 --> 00:14:21,005 Um, that they will hint to their partner. 332 00:14:22,305 --> 00:14:25,525 Mm-Hmm. . And you know 333 00:14:25,525 --> 00:14:28,605 what hints are. 334 00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:31,325 Okay? I mean, sometimes I, I do. 335 00:14:31,665 --> 00:14:33,165 So let's pick up on the hint for sure. 336 00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:35,285 Sometimes I pick up on the hint. But her, 337 00:14:35,425 --> 00:14:38,765 her point in this was, there is nothing better 338 00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:45,575 than clear communication, direct communication, direct. 339 00:14:45,575 --> 00:14:47,415 Mm-Hmm. clear communication. Mm-Hmm. 340 00:14:47,455 --> 00:14:50,015 . Um, you know, if you 341 00:14:51,705 --> 00:14:53,805 go on, you know, 342 00:14:53,815 --> 00:14:57,045 these hints, a lot of things could happen. 343 00:14:57,745 --> 00:14:59,085 - Mm-Hmm. - . Okay. 344 00:14:59,585 --> 00:15:03,445 You know, the person doing the hinting could end up getting, 345 00:15:03,625 --> 00:15:04,805 you know, building resentment. 346 00:15:04,805 --> 00:15:08,205 They could, you know, uh, towards their partner, you know? 347 00:15:08,225 --> 00:15:10,605 Oh, I never, they never pay attention. They, you know, the 348 00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,485 - Hint might get noticed, but misinterpreted. 349 00:15:12,485 --> 00:15:13,685 Right? Now you're pissed because 350 00:15:13,685 --> 00:15:15,085 you didn't get what you wanted. Didn't 351 00:15:15,085 --> 00:15:16,085 - Get right. 352 00:15:16,085 --> 00:15:20,445 Right. So, you know, I, I think, 353 00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:22,285 and this goes in any relationship. 354 00:15:22,285 --> 00:15:24,485 Mm-Hmm. , I, I think there is a responsibility 355 00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:28,965 to communicate clearly and concisely. Oh, 356 00:15:29,005 --> 00:15:30,005 - I, I agree completely. 357 00:15:30,005 --> 00:15:32,285 And it is a skill. It takes a long time to learn. 358 00:15:32,625 --> 00:15:34,325 The thing I, I tell kinky people, 359 00:15:34,325 --> 00:15:36,525 because too many times we get a, 360 00:15:36,605 --> 00:15:38,325 a question in our inboxers Mm-Hmm. 361 00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:40,085 , you know, we're doing a q and a or something. 362 00:15:40,085 --> 00:15:41,725 And people are like, how do I handle this? 363 00:15:41,725 --> 00:15:44,165 And the answer, biggest answer is, you have to communicate. 364 00:15:44,435 --> 00:15:45,805 Yeah. And it's, and I get it. 365 00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:48,485 I, I get where sometimes for some of us, 366 00:15:48,505 --> 00:15:50,005 we partition things off in our minds 367 00:15:50,005 --> 00:15:53,365 and we go, well, I clearly negotiated the fuckery. 368 00:15:53,565 --> 00:15:55,445 I clearly negotiated the power exchange. 369 00:15:55,715 --> 00:15:57,925 Somehow in our brains, we think that that is, 370 00:15:57,955 --> 00:15:59,565 that communication is separate 371 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,285 and different from every other 372 00:16:01,285 --> 00:16:02,365 kind of communication we need. 373 00:16:02,365 --> 00:16:04,045 Mm mm-Hmm. the skills you learn, 374 00:16:04,275 --> 00:16:05,805 look in somebody in the eye 375 00:16:05,825 --> 00:16:07,965 and going, I'm gonna need you to bend me over 376 00:16:08,345 --> 00:16:11,445 and beat me with a wet noodle until I cry. 377 00:16:11,775 --> 00:16:14,925 Right. Like, those skills, those are the skills you bring 378 00:16:15,025 --> 00:16:18,325 to, Hey, I want this thing and I don't have it. 379 00:16:18,505 --> 00:16:21,845 Hey, I, I'm feeling this way and I don't know why. 380 00:16:22,025 --> 00:16:24,125 Hey, this thing is same skills. 381 00:16:24,165 --> 00:16:25,885 - But you don't, you don't even have to look a person in the 382 00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:26,885 eye I to communicate. 383 00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:29,245 I know it. You can do I it was a example. 384 00:16:30,445 --> 00:16:32,885 - . If, but if you can do that, 385 00:16:32,885 --> 00:16:35,445 because to a lot of people, the negotiation is, 386 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,485 I'm sitting here with you and I want you to like, you know, 387 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,405 gag me with your cock until I puke. 388 00:16:41,425 --> 00:16:44,285 That's the thing. I've definitely lost the monetization on 389 00:16:44,285 --> 00:16:47,845 YouTube, uh, gone now. Um, but can long as 390 00:16:47,845 --> 00:16:49,165 - They don't pull the video too , 391 00:16:49,265 --> 00:16:51,765 - We can find a way to communicate 392 00:16:51,765 --> 00:16:53,565 that clearly to a partner. 393 00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:56,805 Mm-Hmm. . And then still struggle with, 394 00:16:57,285 --> 00:16:58,805 I am feeling a way 395 00:16:59,265 --> 00:17:01,525 and I have feelings about how I'm feeling. 396 00:17:01,525 --> 00:17:05,045 Mm-Hmm. . And I don't know how to express it, 397 00:17:05,105 --> 00:17:06,765 or I'm afraid to express it or whatever. 398 00:17:06,765 --> 00:17:10,365 Yeah. And because maybe it's 399 00:17:10,365 --> 00:17:12,285 because it's two different scenarios. 400 00:17:12,285 --> 00:17:14,525 Maybe it's because it just feels different. 401 00:17:14,525 --> 00:17:16,045 The end result ends up being different. 402 00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:19,925 We think that these are separate communication skills. 403 00:17:20,275 --> 00:17:24,965 It's the same skill. It transfers. It's not easier. Mm-Hmm. 404 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,925 . It's not, it only gets easier over 405 00:17:26,925 --> 00:17:28,005 time with practice. 406 00:17:28,985 --> 00:17:32,365 You're to tell a person, this is the kinky thing I want you 407 00:17:32,365 --> 00:17:33,685 to do to me or with me. 408 00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:35,925 Mm-Hmm. , or for me, is a vulnerability. 409 00:17:37,155 --> 00:17:39,885 Once you can get that vulnerable with a person, please, 410 00:17:39,885 --> 00:17:42,965 please, please work on being able to go, I care about you, 411 00:17:43,025 --> 00:17:45,565 but you kind of pissed me off back there, . 412 00:17:45,795 --> 00:17:48,405 Like, You know. Yeah. 413 00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:51,045 Or, or I'm feeling insecure. 414 00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:53,925 That's, you know, I've, we've done this podcast long enough 415 00:17:53,925 --> 00:17:56,725 that I've learned better ways to communicate things, 416 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,005 and I get that I, you know, Mm-Hmm. 417 00:17:58,005 --> 00:17:59,725 It's a, a bit of a luxury when you talk 418 00:17:59,725 --> 00:18:00,925 about this shit for a living. 419 00:18:01,065 --> 00:18:03,605 You, you have you skills. Just stay sharp. Right. 420 00:18:04,655 --> 00:18:07,445 Folks who are not doing crazy ass podcasts, 421 00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:09,005 you're gonna have to practice more. 422 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,565 You're not gonna use these skills as often, 423 00:18:11,425 --> 00:18:13,885 but it is your responsibility to 424 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,425 work on your communication. 425 00:18:16,425 --> 00:18:18,825 Mm-Hmm. work through your discomfort 426 00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:22,825 to also learn how, and again, this, this could take a while, 427 00:18:22,825 --> 00:18:24,425 and it's a skill to learn if 428 00:18:24,425 --> 00:18:26,705 that partner is even fucking worthy 429 00:18:27,325 --> 00:18:28,945 of the vulnerability you're gonna bring. 430 00:18:28,945 --> 00:18:31,905 Sometimes we're just with shitty partners, right. 431 00:18:32,165 --> 00:18:33,905 And we can communicate the fuckery, 432 00:18:34,125 --> 00:18:36,225 but then we're like, we're getting signs 433 00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:38,265 that maybe they are not a safe person 434 00:18:38,445 --> 00:18:41,505 to be in a relationship with, to open up another ways to, 435 00:18:41,505 --> 00:18:43,545 maybe they weren't even a safe person to get kinky 436 00:18:43,545 --> 00:18:44,945 with, you know? 437 00:18:45,885 --> 00:18:48,505 And, and that in and of, its, that's a responsibility 438 00:18:48,505 --> 00:18:49,505 to yourself at that point. 439 00:18:49,685 --> 00:18:52,345 Is this person even a good person for me to be with? 440 00:18:52,345 --> 00:18:53,905 Are they the right person for me? 441 00:18:54,285 --> 00:18:56,665 The responsibility to yourself at that point is 442 00:18:56,665 --> 00:18:57,785 to the best of your ability. 443 00:18:57,785 --> 00:19:00,625 And in the safest way possible, fucking withdraw from that. 444 00:19:01,045 --> 00:19:02,105 But if you are in it, 445 00:19:02,245 --> 00:19:03,985 and this is your committed relationship, 446 00:19:03,985 --> 00:19:05,825 and you're like, yep, this is, this is where I want be, 447 00:19:06,175 --> 00:19:09,665 then your responsibility is to get to move 448 00:19:09,665 --> 00:19:10,705 through the discomfort. 449 00:19:10,805 --> 00:19:12,545 You do not get over the discomfort. 450 00:19:12,725 --> 00:19:13,985 You move fucking through it. Yeah. 451 00:19:14,085 --> 00:19:17,745 So, like, I have learned how to say things in ways I think 452 00:19:17,745 --> 00:19:19,905 that are clearer. 453 00:19:20,245 --> 00:19:21,585 Mm-Hmm. , like I no longer, 454 00:19:21,905 --> 00:19:23,145 I did for a long time. 455 00:19:23,785 --> 00:19:25,225 I no longer tell JB 456 00:19:25,225 --> 00:19:28,305 that a thing he's doing makes me feel a 457 00:19:28,305 --> 00:19:30,545 way that's not how it works. 458 00:19:31,245 --> 00:19:35,345 Now I can say I am feeling insecure, , 459 00:19:35,965 --> 00:19:38,585 but as this thing is happening, Mm-Hmm. 460 00:19:38,625 --> 00:19:39,985 that he happens to be doing, 461 00:19:40,295 --> 00:19:42,425 because here are my internal reasons. 462 00:19:42,565 --> 00:19:43,785 Now, the thing I had to learn 463 00:19:45,295 --> 00:19:47,025 more than how to say the words. 464 00:19:47,305 --> 00:19:48,305 'cause that's difficult. 465 00:19:48,405 --> 00:19:50,585 And when we say, say the words, let's be clear, 466 00:19:50,695 --> 00:19:52,185 that can mean writing them down. 467 00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:54,545 Yeah. That can mean recording voice memos. 468 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:56,465 That can, that doesn't necessarily always 469 00:19:56,465 --> 00:19:57,865 mean verbally speaking them. 470 00:19:57,975 --> 00:20:02,545 Okay. Communicate the words , I had 471 00:20:02,545 --> 00:20:04,145 to learn the harder lesson, 472 00:20:05,005 --> 00:20:08,345 and I still struggle with it, of not immediately needing 473 00:20:08,345 --> 00:20:12,585 to tell JB what I'm feeling before I go think about 474 00:20:12,585 --> 00:20:14,185 and figure out what the fuck I'm feeling. 475 00:20:14,185 --> 00:20:15,905 Mm-Hmm. , because I made a lot 476 00:20:15,905 --> 00:20:18,745 of my insecurities, jbs problem 477 00:20:19,845 --> 00:20:21,625 for a long time early on, 478 00:20:21,625 --> 00:20:25,665 because once I felt safe to communicate, I thought 479 00:20:25,665 --> 00:20:28,505 that meant say everything you think all the time, 480 00:20:28,985 --> 00:20:30,705 whatever's in there, say it . 481 00:20:31,215 --> 00:20:34,545 Look, you only have to have your conversations safe worded 482 00:20:34,805 --> 00:20:36,425 one or two times before you go. 483 00:20:37,355 --> 00:20:39,425 Maybe I don't have 484 00:20:39,425 --> 00:20:42,745 to say all the things I'm thinking all at one time. 485 00:20:43,095 --> 00:20:47,160 Yeah. It's why I had that moment earlier this week, week 486 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,460 of feeling sorry for myself 487 00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:49,925 and wanting him to know 488 00:20:49,925 --> 00:20:52,205 that I was upset without me having to say anything. 489 00:20:52,205 --> 00:20:54,525 Mm-Hmm. . And yet by that night, 490 00:20:54,665 --> 00:20:56,165 the next morning, I don't even know 491 00:20:56,845 --> 00:20:59,725 I had forgotten the thing that bothered me, , 492 00:21:00,465 --> 00:21:03,805 and I was no longer upset at all. 493 00:21:04,385 --> 00:21:06,925 But see, I would rather folks overcorrect on the 494 00:21:07,085 --> 00:21:08,885 communication and do what I did in the beginning, 495 00:21:08,895 --> 00:21:11,005 which is I'm gonna tell you all the things on my mind. 496 00:21:11,005 --> 00:21:14,645 Right. . Because if you don't speak up enough, 497 00:21:15,585 --> 00:21:16,885 it just leads to more problems. 498 00:21:16,995 --> 00:21:20,085 It's easier to fix the problem of, I'm glad 499 00:21:20,235 --> 00:21:21,605 that you feel safe enough with me 500 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:25,805 to tell me literally all the thoughts on a loop, however. 501 00:21:25,855 --> 00:21:29,485 Right. Like, let's pulling back way easier than 502 00:21:30,545 --> 00:21:31,645 saying the thing, you know. 503 00:21:31,645 --> 00:21:34,045 Mm-Hmm. . So please overcorrect. 504 00:21:34,185 --> 00:21:36,645 If, if that is how your brain works, , 505 00:21:36,645 --> 00:21:38,245 because you can fix that later. 506 00:21:38,515 --> 00:21:41,325 It's much harder to fix the, I've only said three words 507 00:21:41,345 --> 00:21:44,125 to you about this thing that's made me feel bad 508 00:21:44,305 --> 00:21:45,725 for six months. 509 00:21:45,725 --> 00:21:47,965 Right. Like that, that's a different problem. Yeah. 510 00:21:48,065 --> 00:21:49,645 And that's not fair to your partner. 511 00:21:49,905 --> 00:21:52,685 If you have not communicated a pro a problem, 512 00:21:53,065 --> 00:21:56,525 if you have not discussed your feelings, if you have not, 513 00:21:56,925 --> 00:21:57,925 whatever the thing is, that's 514 00:21:57,925 --> 00:21:59,605 where the responsibility is falling down. 515 00:21:59,865 --> 00:22:02,805 How can your partner be held accountable for a thing 516 00:22:04,105 --> 00:22:06,605 that's not an obvious thing to be held accountable for? 517 00:22:06,605 --> 00:22:08,885 Right? Mm-Hmm. , you know, to you feeling 518 00:22:09,575 --> 00:22:11,125 badly in your relationship. 519 00:22:11,305 --> 00:22:13,765 If they're fully unaware, 520 00:22:14,145 --> 00:22:17,005 and I know there are times we go, they should be aware. 521 00:22:17,195 --> 00:22:20,085 This should be obvious. You know what? Yeah. 522 00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:23,285 But in the king community, I think many of us have come 523 00:22:23,285 --> 00:22:25,565 to realize that not all brains are wired the same. 524 00:22:25,565 --> 00:22:27,285 And sometimes I thing that the thing 525 00:22:27,285 --> 00:22:29,165 that you think should be obvious is 526 00:22:29,165 --> 00:22:30,325 not obvious to the next person. 527 00:22:30,705 --> 00:22:33,285 So my tendency is I'm gonna give you grace once 528 00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:34,325 or twice I'm gonna say it. 529 00:22:34,675 --> 00:22:36,605 Even if I think that should be fucking obvious. 530 00:22:37,085 --> 00:22:38,205 , I'm gonna say it 531 00:22:38,205 --> 00:22:42,325 because I want to know that you know, that I know that, 532 00:22:42,325 --> 00:22:44,085 you know, because I said it. 533 00:22:44,465 --> 00:22:46,125 I'm, I'm, I'm like that as a parent. 534 00:22:46,345 --> 00:22:47,445 And I was like that as a manager. 535 00:22:47,605 --> 00:22:49,925 I was like, I know this probably seems obvious to a person, 536 00:22:49,985 --> 00:22:51,845 but let me just say it so I can say Mm-Hmm. 537 00:22:51,885 --> 00:22:53,125 that I said it. Right. 538 00:22:53,515 --> 00:22:54,965 Because when we start doing that, 539 00:22:54,965 --> 00:22:57,645 they should know we're should all over ourselves. 540 00:22:57,645 --> 00:23:00,365 Yeah. Right. They should know what they have your background 541 00:23:00,585 --> 00:23:02,525 and your experiences to know what's obvious. 542 00:23:02,995 --> 00:23:05,725 Nope. Sometimes, but not always. But not always. Yeah. 543 00:23:05,945 --> 00:23:09,045 And when you fall back on the, they should know. Yeah. 544 00:23:09,185 --> 00:23:11,805 To me, you're giving up your responsibility to, of 545 00:23:12,605 --> 00:23:16,045 communicating your needs and your wants 546 00:23:16,185 --> 00:23:19,485 and your upset and your, your feelings. 547 00:23:20,395 --> 00:23:23,405 Clearly. That is our job as individuals. Mm-Hmm. 548 00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:25,685 . Now how that happens, when that happens, 549 00:23:26,665 --> 00:23:29,165 you know, that all is determined by the power exchange, 550 00:23:29,545 --> 00:23:30,845 the nature of the relationship. 551 00:23:31,065 --> 00:23:34,925 I'm gonna tell JB a whole hell what more . 552 00:23:35,345 --> 00:23:38,765 Now I'm gonna tell Joe Schmo in the Starbucks 553 00:23:38,785 --> 00:23:40,085 who looked at my face and went, 554 00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:42,605 that's a face I can pour my whole heart and soul out to. 555 00:23:43,085 --> 00:23:44,725 I won't see them again forever in my life, 556 00:23:44,725 --> 00:23:45,740 five minutes from now. 557 00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:47,005 But I'll tell 'em about that thing 558 00:23:47,005 --> 00:23:48,125 that happened when I was 12. 559 00:23:48,145 --> 00:23:49,925 And they're trapped. And their face is like, 560 00:23:50,305 --> 00:23:51,365 why are you telling me this? 561 00:23:51,365 --> 00:23:53,285 Right? Like, there's two levels 562 00:23:53,425 --> 00:23:54,525 and some people don't get it. 563 00:23:55,305 --> 00:23:57,565 That's why I get trapped by these people in public 564 00:23:57,705 --> 00:23:58,765 who go, that's a face. 565 00:23:59,505 --> 00:24:01,845 I'm gonna tell you everything I've ever thought before. 566 00:24:01,985 --> 00:24:03,965 I'm forced to leave this establishment 567 00:24:04,425 --> 00:24:05,845 and I'm just over there trapped. 568 00:24:06,825 --> 00:24:10,005 That's a different thing. I am, I am more chaotic. 569 00:24:10,515 --> 00:24:11,885 It's like chaos on steroids. 570 00:24:12,725 --> 00:24:17,165 I apologize for anybody who is Mm-Hmm. Yeah. 571 00:24:17,745 --> 00:24:21,845 So let's, so we, I think we've made it clear communication 572 00:24:22,145 --> 00:24:23,285 and responsibility. 573 00:24:23,425 --> 00:24:24,685 Yes. I don't, I don't think, 574 00:24:26,125 --> 00:24:28,685 I think this is when we talked about back in episode 44, 575 00:24:29,105 --> 00:24:31,485 but it's, it's become more important 576 00:24:31,505 --> 00:24:32,925 for us over the past few years. 577 00:24:32,925 --> 00:24:34,805 Mm-Hmm. , that is the responsibility 578 00:24:35,225 --> 00:24:37,685 to the best of your ability to take care 579 00:24:37,685 --> 00:24:39,365 of yourself as an individual. 580 00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:41,965 Yeah. Look, I want JB to fucking take care of me. 581 00:24:42,205 --> 00:24:44,845 I would love to lay down all of the responsibility 582 00:24:45,065 --> 00:24:47,725 and just be like, here, daddy, you do it. 583 00:24:47,825 --> 00:24:50,285 And some folks have power exchanges that way. 584 00:24:51,235 --> 00:24:53,765 They're not the rule. They're the exception. . 585 00:24:54,195 --> 00:24:57,125 Most of us still have to, like, I'm the one that has to call 586 00:24:57,505 --> 00:24:58,885 and make my doctor's appointment. 587 00:24:59,365 --> 00:25:01,405 I gotta make sure I've got my medication now. 588 00:25:01,405 --> 00:25:04,365 Will JB help me? Yes. Mm-Hmm. . 589 00:25:04,365 --> 00:25:06,365 But I'm still responsible for taking my medication. 590 00:25:06,865 --> 00:25:10,645 I'm still responsible for, you know, what do I need? 591 00:25:11,025 --> 00:25:13,005 You know, what do I like sleep. 592 00:25:14,485 --> 00:25:19,405 I know if we don't go to bed until a certain time, I know 593 00:25:19,405 --> 00:25:22,445 what that's gonna mean for me in the morning 594 00:25:22,475 --> 00:25:23,605 when I don't get enough sleep. 595 00:25:23,705 --> 00:25:26,725 That's my responsibility. Now can do, do I ignore that? 596 00:25:26,785 --> 00:25:28,205 Can I let it go? Do we do that together? 597 00:25:28,225 --> 00:25:29,365 And we're like, we should go to bed 598 00:25:29,365 --> 00:25:30,605 early. And then we do not. 599 00:25:30,785 --> 00:25:33,005 - We do not. Right. - But it's not his 600 00:25:33,005 --> 00:25:34,205 fault. We've been doing 601 00:25:34,245 --> 00:25:35,245 - A little bit better. 602 00:25:35,245 --> 00:25:36,965 - We have been you because you lead that. Yeah. 603 00:25:36,985 --> 00:25:37,725 If you leave it to me, 604 00:25:37,725 --> 00:25:38,965 I'll be there till midnight on the couch. 605 00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:40,605 I know. Reading my book. Yep. 606 00:25:41,185 --> 00:25:44,165 Um, and that's a responsibility he agreed to take on. 607 00:25:44,165 --> 00:25:47,765 He wants to take on. I've, I've said straight up if I, 608 00:25:48,125 --> 00:25:50,085 I will lose all sense of time if I'm sitting here. 609 00:25:51,225 --> 00:25:53,445 You know, if you, because of the power exchange, 610 00:25:53,545 --> 00:25:55,365 if you wanna lead this, I'll follow you. 611 00:25:55,365 --> 00:25:57,965 Tell me when it's time to go to bed. Now he could say, 612 00:25:58,465 --> 00:25:59,885 no, I, I don't want to do that. 613 00:25:59,945 --> 00:26:01,605 You need to like set an alarm on your phone. 614 00:26:01,665 --> 00:26:04,165 You need to become more aware of the time 615 00:26:04,305 --> 00:26:05,325 and get yourself to bed. 616 00:26:05,875 --> 00:26:08,205 It's like when he goes away overnight. . 617 00:26:09,125 --> 00:26:10,485 I don't go to bed at the right time. 618 00:26:11,305 --> 00:26:13,445 - No, you don't. Don't go to bed at the right time. 619 00:26:13,445 --> 00:26:15,925 And, uh, I even told you this last time, time for bed. 620 00:26:16,145 --> 00:26:18,565 - No, you said goodnight. Oh, that's all you said. 621 00:26:18,725 --> 00:26:19,965 I ha I have the text message. 622 00:26:20,195 --> 00:26:22,245 - Okay. I thought - I, I knew what you meant though. 623 00:26:22,605 --> 00:26:25,645 , but I was like, oh, goodnight daddy. . 624 00:26:28,645 --> 00:26:29,725 - I guess I know where I need 625 00:26:29,725 --> 00:26:32,005 to be more precise in what I say. 626 00:26:33,625 --> 00:26:37,525 - I'm not gonna lie. If, uh, if you've got a sassy sub 627 00:26:37,585 --> 00:26:40,245 or a brat, your responsibility is the dom 628 00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:41,765 to get very fucking clear. 629 00:26:42,245 --> 00:26:46,285 . I will say I can, I can find a loophole. I really 630 00:26:46,285 --> 00:26:47,285 - Can. 631 00:26:47,285 --> 00:26:47,645 Well, maybe next time 632 00:26:47,645 --> 00:26:50,165 before I go, I will leave a written list. 633 00:26:51,565 --> 00:26:53,445 - I would - Accept that. This, this is your bedtime. 634 00:26:53,965 --> 00:26:57,445 - I would probably want to debate that time with you. 635 00:26:57,925 --> 00:27:00,925 I would probably argue ferociously 636 00:27:01,105 --> 00:27:03,525 for not whatever time you put down . 637 00:27:03,525 --> 00:27:06,965 Um, but because of our power exchange, if you did that, then 638 00:27:07,885 --> 00:27:10,125 I would take the responsibility to get shit done. 639 00:27:10,125 --> 00:27:11,725 Yeah. Because you said it that way. But 640 00:27:12,155 --> 00:27:14,845 because I am responsible for myself 641 00:27:14,845 --> 00:27:16,405 as even being in the way we 642 00:27:16,405 --> 00:27:17,525 have structured our power exchange. 643 00:27:17,905 --> 00:27:18,925 Me being exhausted. 644 00:27:19,205 --> 00:27:22,485 'cause we didn't go to bed at a good time the night before. 645 00:27:23,645 --> 00:27:25,165 I don't get to make that j b's problem. 646 00:27:25,665 --> 00:27:28,845 Uh, mostly grumpy people tend 647 00:27:28,845 --> 00:27:31,725 to be other people's problems until they stop being grumpy. 648 00:27:32,025 --> 00:27:33,645 We give as good as we get. 649 00:27:34,025 --> 00:27:37,405 But I can't walk up to him in an all seriousness, go, 650 00:27:37,715 --> 00:27:39,845 this is your fault that I'm tired. 651 00:27:41,225 --> 00:27:43,645 I'm a grown ass woman. Submissive or not. Right. 652 00:27:44,085 --> 00:27:45,925 I can say something like, Hey daddy, I'm tired. 653 00:27:45,935 --> 00:27:47,925 There have been times I've been exhausted Yeah. 654 00:27:47,985 --> 00:27:49,205 Before he was ready to go to bed. 655 00:27:49,265 --> 00:27:50,845 And I'm like, daddy, I'm really tired. 656 00:27:50,845 --> 00:27:52,845 And he is like, you should go to bed. And I'm like, okay. 657 00:27:52,905 --> 00:27:54,325 I'm doing it. Right. Mm-Hmm. . 658 00:27:54,385 --> 00:27:58,285 But if I had known I was exhausted and not gone to bed 659 00:27:59,185 --> 00:28:00,365 and then been grumpy 660 00:28:00,585 --> 00:28:03,645 or not felt good physically, the next day 661 00:28:05,385 --> 00:28:07,085 he will help me through that. 662 00:28:07,665 --> 00:28:08,845 He will support me. 663 00:28:09,865 --> 00:28:11,245 But I'm gonna be the one that's like, 664 00:28:11,245 --> 00:28:12,645 yeah, I know what I should have done. 665 00:28:13,365 --> 00:28:14,805 I know how I should have handled it. 666 00:28:15,105 --> 00:28:18,045 The fact that, uh, I don't exercise enough. 667 00:28:18,585 --> 00:28:20,685 That's not his problem. That's my, it's our problem, 668 00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:23,405 but it's not his responsibility specifically 669 00:28:23,405 --> 00:28:25,885 because we have not negotiated that in our power exchange. 670 00:28:26,675 --> 00:28:29,525 Because every time we've tried to negotiate 671 00:28:29,525 --> 00:28:30,725 that we fall flat on our face. 672 00:28:30,795 --> 00:28:34,645 It's never been very sustainable since the beginning when we 673 00:28:34,645 --> 00:28:36,925 were, before we were romantically involved. 674 00:28:37,115 --> 00:28:39,205 That was the only time you being in 675 00:28:39,205 --> 00:28:40,245 charge of my physical fitness. 676 00:28:40,345 --> 00:28:41,885 Mm-Hmm. worked. 677 00:28:42,185 --> 00:28:44,125 So, uh, that's my responsibility. 678 00:28:44,225 --> 00:28:47,285 And I, the way I handle that responsibility is 679 00:28:47,285 --> 00:28:48,725 by not handling that responsibility. 680 00:28:48,725 --> 00:28:51,165 But then I don't, in my mind, get to complain 681 00:28:51,855 --> 00:28:54,125 about the things that would be better 682 00:28:54,265 --> 00:28:55,885 or easier if I 683 00:28:56,495 --> 00:28:58,965 moved a little bit more when I walks, whatever I'm capable of doing. 684 00:28:59,075 --> 00:29:01,485 Yeah. You know, we can whine about it. 685 00:29:01,585 --> 00:29:02,925 We can complain about it. Mm-Hmm. . 686 00:29:02,985 --> 00:29:05,645 But it's, it's still my responsibility. Yeah. 687 00:29:05,885 --> 00:29:07,245 - I mean, there, there are things we do 688 00:29:07,345 --> 00:29:08,845 to look out for each other. 689 00:29:09,265 --> 00:29:10,965 Yes. You know, health wise. Absolutely. 690 00:29:11,065 --> 00:29:13,565 - And I, and I think in any caring, 691 00:29:13,955 --> 00:29:15,605 ideally long term loving Mm-Hmm. 692 00:29:15,605 --> 00:29:17,165 However you define that relationship. 693 00:29:18,065 --> 00:29:20,765 You, we are respon we, we look out for one another 694 00:29:21,035 --> 00:29:22,205 because we care. 695 00:29:22,205 --> 00:29:25,205 Because we know that if I'm, if I take care 696 00:29:25,205 --> 00:29:27,245 of myself a little bit better, even with his push 697 00:29:27,305 --> 00:29:29,885 and help, it's better for both of us. 698 00:29:30,185 --> 00:29:33,445 But ultimately, at the end of the day, 699 00:29:34,435 --> 00:29:35,685 he's just a support person. 700 00:29:36,785 --> 00:29:37,925 It, it's, you know, 701 00:29:38,145 --> 00:29:40,685 unless you're not able to, to take care 702 00:29:40,685 --> 00:29:42,125 of yourself, that's, that's different. 703 00:29:42,125 --> 00:29:43,405 That's completed. We're not talking about that. 704 00:29:43,415 --> 00:29:45,445 We're talking about what you're actually able to do 705 00:29:45,465 --> 00:29:47,565 for yourself, but you have not negotiated 706 00:29:47,595 --> 00:29:48,805 away in a power exchange. 707 00:29:48,895 --> 00:29:51,565 Right. Like, you are capable of doing a lot of the things 708 00:29:51,565 --> 00:29:54,165 that we negotiated that I will do for you. 709 00:29:55,385 --> 00:29:57,725 You can do them if you have to. Sure. 710 00:29:57,725 --> 00:30:00,365 You don't abdicate all ability for that. No. 711 00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:02,245 But we've agreed that I will do them. 712 00:30:02,245 --> 00:30:04,085 So they become my responsibility. Right. 713 00:30:04,305 --> 00:30:07,765 The things we have not negotiated and 714 00:30:07,865 --> 00:30:09,085 or haven't kind of 715 00:30:09,985 --> 00:30:11,685 worked their way into the power exchange 716 00:30:11,905 --> 00:30:13,085 are still my responsibility. 717 00:30:13,085 --> 00:30:15,405 Mm-Hmm. until we decide otherwise. Otherwise, 718 00:30:15,435 --> 00:30:16,435 - Yeah. 719 00:30:16,435 --> 00:30:18,445 - Now, I think, and I, I do this, 720 00:30:18,445 --> 00:30:19,925 and I don't know if you do this, when I think 721 00:30:19,925 --> 00:30:21,965 of responsibility, that feels like a very serious 722 00:30:22,275 --> 00:30:23,285 word in my head. 723 00:30:23,665 --> 00:30:26,805 So when something is quote my responsibility, my brain goes, 724 00:30:26,805 --> 00:30:27,925 that is the thing you are supposed 725 00:30:27,925 --> 00:30:29,165 to be doing, and are you doing it? 726 00:30:29,165 --> 00:30:30,565 And if you're not, you're clearly slacking. 727 00:30:30,675 --> 00:30:31,965 Like my brain goes into overdrive 728 00:30:31,965 --> 00:30:33,085 on the word responsibility. 729 00:30:33,355 --> 00:30:35,845 Yeah. But it just means that this is the part of life where 730 00:30:36,385 --> 00:30:38,205 I'm in charge of myself. 731 00:30:38,785 --> 00:30:40,765 Am I taking care of myself? Well? 732 00:30:40,765 --> 00:30:45,005 Should I be in charge of myself? Probably not. , 733 00:30:46,245 --> 00:30:47,245 - Probably not . 734 00:30:48,425 --> 00:30:51,725 - Um, but until negotiated 735 00:30:51,725 --> 00:30:53,885 otherwise, those things are my responsibility. 736 00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:56,205 And taking care to the extent that you can, 737 00:30:56,205 --> 00:30:57,925 that you have control over, let's be very clear, 738 00:30:57,935 --> 00:30:59,245 there are lots of parts of health 739 00:30:59,515 --> 00:31:01,685 that we don't have control over. 740 00:31:02,625 --> 00:31:06,285 The things you can control, if they are 741 00:31:07,195 --> 00:31:09,045 impacting your life, power exchange, 742 00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:10,765 whatever, then what are you doing? 743 00:31:11,235 --> 00:31:14,005 Like, if you have any control over it, 744 00:31:14,005 --> 00:31:15,565 whether it's taking meds mm-Hmm. 745 00:31:15,605 --> 00:31:18,245 going to a doctor, whatever, 746 00:31:18,355 --> 00:31:20,365 getting some sunlight, 10 minutes a day, 747 00:31:20,365 --> 00:31:22,925 like whatever it is, and you're not doing the things 748 00:31:22,925 --> 00:31:26,005 that you know you need to, that you're physically 749 00:31:26,105 --> 00:31:27,885 and financially capable of doing 750 00:31:28,625 --> 00:31:32,485 and that are impacting your relationship, then that's 751 00:31:32,485 --> 00:31:34,885 where you're falling down on the job of responsibility. 752 00:31:34,905 --> 00:31:36,925 And I say that as somebody who is a much happier 753 00:31:37,625 --> 00:31:38,885 and calmer individual. 754 00:31:38,945 --> 00:31:41,205 If she just go on her stupid little walk 755 00:31:41,205 --> 00:31:42,605 for her stupid mental health daily. 756 00:31:42,605 --> 00:31:45,525 Mm-Hmm. . And do I no 757 00:31:46,085 --> 00:31:47,405 I am responsible for that. 758 00:31:47,705 --> 00:31:52,125 And I am very irresponsible. Okay. And that's just, that's a 759 00:31:52,125 --> 00:31:53,125 - Fact. 760 00:31:53,125 --> 00:31:55,205 Well, I mean the, the same with me. 761 00:31:56,225 --> 00:31:58,565 And you know, there are things I could be doing 762 00:31:59,185 --> 00:32:03,325 to help myself and I choose, 763 00:32:03,435 --> 00:32:07,605 unfortunately not to, you know, but part of that is 764 00:32:07,605 --> 00:32:11,605 because my focus is so pulled in, in, in other directions. 765 00:32:11,975 --> 00:32:14,005 - Right. And that's, that's also a tough thing. 766 00:32:14,085 --> 00:32:17,645 I mean, the 21st century life is, it's almost, I, 767 00:32:17,805 --> 00:32:21,285 I don't know how even non neuros spicy people focus. 768 00:32:21,285 --> 00:32:22,125 Mm-Hmm. . How the fuck does 769 00:32:22,125 --> 00:32:23,005 anybody focus anymore? 770 00:32:23,005 --> 00:32:24,685 There's something Yeah. 771 00:32:24,685 --> 00:32:26,965 That's gonna pull you in a million different directions. 772 00:32:26,965 --> 00:32:28,885 Mm-Hmm. just trying to survive 773 00:32:29,025 --> 00:32:31,525 and like pay your bills is hard enough. Right. 774 00:32:31,525 --> 00:32:35,485 - Fucking how I, I mean, - Lola agrees. 775 00:32:35,485 --> 00:32:39,805 - Lola agrees. , um, you know, 776 00:32:40,385 --> 00:32:42,925 for the past week I've been thinking, you know, 777 00:32:43,425 --> 00:32:44,725 if I get up half an hour 778 00:32:44,725 --> 00:32:48,735 earlier, I could do Tai Chi. 779 00:32:48,895 --> 00:32:50,335 I could go for a walk in the morning. 780 00:32:50,495 --> 00:32:52,695 I, you know, it would help me. I know it would feel better. 781 00:32:53,475 --> 00:32:56,695 Um, you know, I'm not as limber as I could be. 782 00:32:56,815 --> 00:32:59,375 I know I'm not gonna be, you know, 783 00:33:00,615 --> 00:33:02,055 stretchy. But 784 00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:03,535 - You're not gonna be a gumby 785 00:33:03,755 --> 00:33:04,855 - Not gonna be a Gumby. But, you know, 786 00:33:04,855 --> 00:33:06,255 - I wanted to say gumbo when I knew that was 787 00:33:06,255 --> 00:33:07,255 - Wrong. 788 00:33:07,255 --> 00:33:07,935 . Yeah. Gumby. Gumby. 789 00:33:07,995 --> 00:33:11,015 But, um, you know, I could be better than I am. Mm-Hmm. 790 00:33:11,055 --> 00:33:12,655 . And I, 791 00:33:13,695 --> 00:33:16,935 - I know I have, God knows I have the same thought. 792 00:33:16,935 --> 00:33:21,415 Yeah. And what, to be clear when I say that I am responsible 793 00:33:21,415 --> 00:33:23,735 for those things, I have not negotiated with jb 794 00:33:24,355 --> 00:33:27,095 and I mean that to not be a negative when I'm not doing it. 795 00:33:27,355 --> 00:33:30,855 It is that it, I can't blame him 796 00:33:31,635 --> 00:33:33,135 if I'm not taking care of the things 797 00:33:33,285 --> 00:33:35,135 that I'm responsible for taking care of. 798 00:33:35,135 --> 00:33:38,055 Yeah. It doesn't mean that I'm doing the things perfectly 799 00:33:38,055 --> 00:33:40,135 because they're my responsibility now. 800 00:33:40,275 --> 00:33:41,975 I'm doing them. I'm not doing them. 801 00:33:41,995 --> 00:33:45,495 And if I am doing them imperfectly, inconsistently, 802 00:33:46,045 --> 00:33:49,055 because I happen to be a person who does much better 803 00:33:49,055 --> 00:33:51,695 with accountability, I need the outside pressure. 804 00:33:52,515 --> 00:33:55,815 Um, except don't tell me what to do 805 00:33:55,815 --> 00:33:57,455 unless you're allowed to tell me what to do. 806 00:33:57,755 --> 00:34:00,295 And so JB is allowed to give me the outside pressure. 807 00:34:00,495 --> 00:34:01,935 'cause he's the one person on the planet 808 00:34:01,945 --> 00:34:03,175 who's allowed to tell me what to do. 809 00:34:03,555 --> 00:34:05,535 And if I have accountability from anybody else, 810 00:34:05,755 --> 00:34:06,335 it feels like 811 00:34:06,335 --> 00:34:07,855 unwanted pressure and don't tell me what to do. 812 00:34:08,395 --> 00:34:12,335 So I'm fun. Um, the, that's what I mean though, 813 00:34:12,335 --> 00:34:13,575 is when it's your responsibility, 814 00:34:13,575 --> 00:34:15,495 that means it's not your partner's fault 815 00:34:15,495 --> 00:34:16,495 that you're exhausted. 816 00:34:16,595 --> 00:34:17,735 Is it their fault if they woke 817 00:34:17,735 --> 00:34:18,815 you up in the middle of the night with fucker? 818 00:34:18,815 --> 00:34:20,455 Yeah. I mean, maybe. But I guess 819 00:34:20,475 --> 00:34:23,015 that's then your responsibility to decline. 820 00:34:23,115 --> 00:34:25,415 If you're real worried about being a grump in the morning, 821 00:34:25,875 --> 00:34:30,255 you know, we are mostly always, I don't know, 822 00:34:30,255 --> 00:34:31,575 I don't like to speak in absolutes. 823 00:34:31,875 --> 00:34:34,935 We are responsible for our behaviors. Right. 824 00:34:35,385 --> 00:34:38,055 Other people, other factors can 825 00:34:38,565 --> 00:34:40,895 influence the outcomes. 826 00:34:40,945 --> 00:34:42,935 Right. What time we went to bed? Mm-Hmm. . 827 00:34:43,155 --> 00:34:46,295 Um, you know, how, you know, whatever, I can't, 828 00:34:46,445 --> 00:34:47,695 I've gone, I've gone blank. 829 00:34:48,275 --> 00:34:51,255 But then we are responsible for our reactions to that. 830 00:34:51,355 --> 00:34:55,575 So if I am responsible for my own physical wellbeing, 831 00:34:56,035 --> 00:34:59,775 mostly with support from jb, then that means that 832 00:35:00,855 --> 00:35:03,695 I can come to him and say, man, I'm struggling with this 833 00:35:03,695 --> 00:35:05,695 because I'm physically unwell. 834 00:35:05,695 --> 00:35:07,575 That's the nature of our relationship. Mm-Hmm. 835 00:35:07,615 --> 00:35:10,135 . But I don't get to go, it's your fault 836 00:35:10,725 --> 00:35:13,455 that I feel this way or that I am this sore 837 00:35:13,475 --> 00:35:14,855 or that I am run down. 838 00:35:14,855 --> 00:35:17,775 Mm-Hmm. Uhuh. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. 839 00:35:18,245 --> 00:35:22,095 Nope. And quite frankly, it moves on to the, you know, 840 00:35:22,825 --> 00:35:24,695 we've definitely talked about this in episode 44, 841 00:35:24,695 --> 00:35:25,775 but we can come back to it. 842 00:35:26,075 --> 00:35:28,015 The responsibilities we have as dom sub, 843 00:35:28,035 --> 00:35:30,095 if I say I will do a thing as part 844 00:35:30,095 --> 00:35:31,735 of our negotiations Mm-Hmm. 845 00:35:31,775 --> 00:35:33,455 , then I am responsible for one 846 00:35:33,455 --> 00:35:35,575 of two things doing the fucking thing. 847 00:35:35,635 --> 00:35:38,125 Mm-Hmm. or clearly communicating why 848 00:35:38,345 --> 00:35:39,485 the fucking thing will not get done. 849 00:35:39,485 --> 00:35:40,525 Mm-Hmm. , right? Mm-Hmm. . 850 00:35:40,705 --> 00:35:44,605 So on the things that JB has agreed to take responsibility 851 00:35:44,625 --> 00:35:46,405 for, that come under my wellbeing 852 00:35:46,425 --> 00:35:48,845 and care, he's responsible for it, in 853 00:35:48,845 --> 00:35:49,885 that he will oversee it. 854 00:35:49,945 --> 00:35:51,725 He has told me what I'm supposed to do. Mm-Hmm. 855 00:35:52,425 --> 00:35:54,525 So if I still feel like shit, 856 00:35:54,555 --> 00:35:56,205 it's still not really his fault. 857 00:35:56,565 --> 00:35:58,685 . Yeah. If I didn't do the thing 858 00:35:58,825 --> 00:36:01,285 or communicate that I was not gonna be able to do the thing. 859 00:36:01,665 --> 00:36:04,965 It and becomes a mutual conversation of 860 00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:09,605 how can we correct this where he is often willing 861 00:36:09,625 --> 00:36:11,445 to assume more responsibility. 862 00:36:11,445 --> 00:36:13,565 Mm-Hmm. . Like, do I need more reminders? 863 00:36:13,705 --> 00:36:15,405 Do I need more accountability? 864 00:36:15,465 --> 00:36:18,085 Do I need the threat of a punishment I fucking hate 865 00:36:18,235 --> 00:36:19,525 hanging over my head? 866 00:36:19,595 --> 00:36:22,765 Like, what do I need? Is that something you can give? Right. 867 00:36:22,765 --> 00:36:24,365 - The lines girl . 868 00:36:26,865 --> 00:36:30,805 - So in some ways the responsibility to yourself is simple. 869 00:36:30,805 --> 00:36:32,245 And in other ways it's very complicated, 870 00:36:32,595 --> 00:36:33,725 complex and complicated. 871 00:36:33,725 --> 00:36:37,205 Because it's almost never in the 21st fucking century 872 00:36:37,345 --> 00:36:39,285 as simple as, well, if I just take my meds, 873 00:36:39,285 --> 00:36:40,285 I'll feel better today. 874 00:36:40,345 --> 00:36:41,685 And I wish it worked that way. 875 00:36:42,005 --> 00:36:44,285 , if I just went to bed at 10 o'clock at night, 876 00:36:44,725 --> 00:36:45,805 I would get eight hours of sleep. 877 00:36:45,955 --> 00:36:49,045 Well, will you though, like, we know 878 00:36:49,045 --> 00:36:50,085 what we ought to be doing. 879 00:36:50,185 --> 00:36:53,525 We know what we need to do. We know what we want to do. 880 00:36:55,505 --> 00:36:58,085 But it, that's, it's not as easy as that. 881 00:36:58,265 --> 00:36:59,365 My point is not to say, 882 00:36:59,365 --> 00:37:00,525 oh, you need to go out and be perfect. 883 00:37:00,755 --> 00:37:03,445 It's be careful who the fuck you blame for. 884 00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:05,365 Why you feel the way you do, 885 00:37:05,375 --> 00:37:08,205 where you're at in your personal part of life. 886 00:37:08,705 --> 00:37:10,565 How things are going in your power exchange. 887 00:37:10,565 --> 00:37:13,485 Because what is your responsibility in this moment? 888 00:37:13,705 --> 00:37:15,645 And how are you handling that responsibility? 889 00:37:16,265 --> 00:37:18,965 That's the, the luxury know-it-all tone 890 00:37:19,105 --> 00:37:20,285 I'm going with today. 891 00:37:21,405 --> 00:37:22,685 . 892 00:37:23,665 --> 00:37:25,085 And I think that, you know, that's 893 00:37:25,725 --> 00:37:26,765 probably really in the weeds 894 00:37:26,765 --> 00:37:30,045 because most of the time it's that high level part 895 00:37:30,045 --> 00:37:31,645 of responsibility of communication. 896 00:37:31,705 --> 00:37:34,805 Mm-Hmm. and of, um, clearly 897 00:37:36,205 --> 00:37:37,325 communicating expectations 898 00:37:37,905 --> 00:37:41,045 and also doing what you agree to do in your power exchange. 899 00:37:41,065 --> 00:37:45,685 That's top level responsibility in kink, I think, I think 900 00:37:45,905 --> 00:37:47,365 as a relationship goes on. 901 00:37:47,665 --> 00:37:51,165 As you just develop more time 902 00:37:51,165 --> 00:37:52,245 and experience with one another. 903 00:37:52,265 --> 00:37:53,525 And you have more of these instances. 904 00:37:53,745 --> 00:37:56,045 And depending on how inter enmeshed 905 00:37:56,045 --> 00:37:59,605 and intertwined your lives are, responsibility gets fuzzy. 906 00:38:00,365 --> 00:38:03,325 I am responsible for taking stupid mental walks, 907 00:38:03,745 --> 00:38:05,645 stupid walks for my stupid mental health. 908 00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:07,205 And I don't do it. 909 00:38:07,825 --> 00:38:11,645 So while I'm, am I gonna complain to JB 910 00:38:11,645 --> 00:38:14,205 that I'm feeling like all kinds of outta sorts. 911 00:38:15,475 --> 00:38:19,205 Yeah. But I'm not gonna look to him to fix it because he 912 00:38:19,205 --> 00:38:21,165 and I both know who's responsibility that is. 913 00:38:21,185 --> 00:38:22,765 Mm-Hmm. . And we both know that I know 914 00:38:22,765 --> 00:38:24,165 what I'm supposed to do. 915 00:38:24,685 --> 00:38:27,365 and I, and you know, 916 00:38:27,625 --> 00:38:30,365 but those things impact our relationship 917 00:38:30,365 --> 00:38:31,845 because they impact our life. 918 00:38:32,225 --> 00:38:35,845 And so then it does, it's not his fucking fault if I am not 919 00:38:36,165 --> 00:38:39,205 speaking in that po polite tone that we agree on, 920 00:38:39,555 --> 00:38:42,565 because I am like raging in my brain 921 00:38:42,565 --> 00:38:44,005 because I'm not getting enough sleep 922 00:38:44,025 --> 00:38:47,005 and I'm not getting enough sunshine, actual natural light, 923 00:38:47,225 --> 00:38:48,445 and I'm not going outside 924 00:38:48,505 --> 00:38:51,125 for a walk when I physically am capable of doing it. 925 00:38:51,125 --> 00:38:55,885 Like, I, I might be a problem 926 00:38:56,525 --> 00:38:59,485 , but he's not the reason I'm having 927 00:38:59,515 --> 00:39:01,045 that problem in that moment. 928 00:39:01,075 --> 00:39:02,805 True. Right. Does that, I don't know. 929 00:39:03,025 --> 00:39:04,965 Am I, am I too far in the weeds, 930 00:39:05,125 --> 00:39:06,125 - ? 931 00:39:06,125 --> 00:39:07,125 No, no. You, you, you make perfect sense. 932 00:39:07,145 --> 00:39:11,725 And yet on the other side of the coin too, you know, we, 933 00:39:12,225 --> 00:39:16,165 we have talked about multiple times throughout the years, 934 00:39:16,545 --> 00:39:18,645 you know about the tough love clause. 935 00:39:19,305 --> 00:39:21,725 Yes. Okay. And that goes both ways. 936 00:39:23,745 --> 00:39:24,805 - Oh yeah, for - Sure. For sure. 937 00:39:24,945 --> 00:39:27,645 You know, they're, they're, you know, I have that right. 938 00:39:28,635 --> 00:39:29,805 Just as much as you, 939 00:39:30,105 --> 00:39:31,725 - You also have the right, 'cause you're my dad though. 940 00:39:31,755 --> 00:39:33,325 - Well, I mean, yeah. 941 00:39:33,985 --> 00:39:36,485 - But see that's the thing. We negotiated that ability 942 00:39:36,625 --> 00:39:40,365 to be tough on the other one to take when one of us needs 943 00:39:40,365 --> 00:39:41,365 to take care of our health. 944 00:39:41,415 --> 00:39:44,325 Right. That was part of the conversation. 945 00:39:44,585 --> 00:39:48,285 And so it's a, it's a two-sided part of responsibility 946 00:39:48,285 --> 00:39:49,565 because it's negotiated. 947 00:39:49,565 --> 00:39:53,485 Mm-Hmm. There's the responsibility that you, we both agreed 948 00:39:53,485 --> 00:39:55,925 to that if we see the other not taking care 949 00:39:55,925 --> 00:39:58,605 of themselves in a way that is detrimental to their health. 950 00:39:58,655 --> 00:40:01,445 Right. We have the freedom to speak up Mm-Hmm. 951 00:40:01,445 --> 00:40:02,685 And go, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. 952 00:40:02,685 --> 00:40:05,525 You're not doing something right. And we negotiated it 953 00:40:05,595 --> 00:40:08,365 that way because he was doing it for me, 954 00:40:08,365 --> 00:40:11,125 especially early days when life felt a lot simpler. 955 00:40:11,825 --> 00:40:13,525 And I was like, yeah, but what if I see you 956 00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:14,765 not taking care of yourself? 957 00:40:15,715 --> 00:40:17,805 What power do I have? What authority do I have? 958 00:40:17,945 --> 00:40:20,845 So our tough love clause is the authority, but it, 959 00:40:20,875 --> 00:40:22,445 because it does go both ways. 960 00:40:23,865 --> 00:40:27,685 And I think if I wanted to be like a hard ass about it, 961 00:40:27,965 --> 00:40:30,685 I could say, well, tough love clause being what it is. 962 00:40:30,745 --> 00:40:33,565 Mm-Hmm. , does that make it your responsibility 963 00:40:34,465 --> 00:40:37,885 to come down hard on me when you see 964 00:40:37,885 --> 00:40:39,525 that I'm not doing things I ought to be doing 965 00:40:39,675 --> 00:40:40,965 that I, we've not negotiated. 966 00:40:41,115 --> 00:40:42,405 Does that make sense? Yeah. 967 00:40:42,625 --> 00:40:46,245 - And, and - I don't think I want that. I'm not advocating 968 00:40:46,555 --> 00:40:48,725 - That, um, you know, no. 969 00:40:48,725 --> 00:40:52,965 That, that to me would be a misuse of the tough love clause. 970 00:40:53,515 --> 00:40:55,085 - Okay. Good. I like that. I'm, I'm 971 00:40:55,085 --> 00:40:56,885 - Down with that, that, that, that's abuse of the system. 972 00:40:57,075 --> 00:40:58,205 - Okay. I'm okay with that. Yeah. Yeah. 973 00:40:58,325 --> 00:41:00,365 'cause I only use it on you when it's like, dude, 974 00:41:00,365 --> 00:41:02,365 you're like bit into a fucking pretzel. 975 00:41:02,365 --> 00:41:04,325 We need to go to the doctor. Right. Whatcha 976 00:41:04,325 --> 00:41:05,325 - Doing . 977 00:41:05,325 --> 00:41:07,245 Right? Yeah. You know, and, and, 978 00:41:07,305 --> 00:41:09,645 and you know, a few times when I've, I'm prone to, 979 00:41:09,745 --> 00:41:12,005 to sinus infection, you know, you've Yeah. 980 00:41:12,665 --> 00:41:13,765 You, you, you know, you, 981 00:41:13,875 --> 00:41:15,805 - When your mental health went in the tank a couple 982 00:41:15,805 --> 00:41:17,005 of years ago, it was like, guess 983 00:41:17,005 --> 00:41:18,125 what you need to do . 984 00:41:18,125 --> 00:41:20,005 - Yeah. Yeah. 985 00:41:20,825 --> 00:41:23,205 - But again, I think that comes back to 986 00:41:24,475 --> 00:41:26,005 does everything come back to communication? 987 00:41:26,325 --> 00:41:27,485 Probably that comes back 988 00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:30,125 to not only the way we initially negotiated 989 00:41:30,145 --> 00:41:31,245 our power exchange Mm-Hmm. 990 00:41:31,285 --> 00:41:33,445 what we were each willing to do 991 00:41:33,465 --> 00:41:35,565 and who we were willing to be in the power exchange. 992 00:41:35,575 --> 00:41:37,685 Right. It's then how we've done sort 993 00:41:37,685 --> 00:41:41,805 of this ongoing consistent re air quote renegotiation. 994 00:41:42,425 --> 00:41:44,405 Mm-Hmm. , I think many people think of that 995 00:41:44,405 --> 00:41:46,885 as a, we stop everything and we start from scratch. 996 00:41:47,105 --> 00:41:49,925 For us a renegotiation is we're just gonna modify this thing 997 00:41:49,925 --> 00:41:51,165 we've been doing for 10 fucking 998 00:41:51,165 --> 00:41:52,205 years. Mm-Hmm. . And do it 999 00:41:52,205 --> 00:41:53,205 - A little differently. 1000 00:41:53,205 --> 00:41:54,485 Right. Yeah. I mean, I mean, you know, it's a 1001 00:41:54,485 --> 00:41:55,485 - Modification. 1002 00:41:55,485 --> 00:41:56,285 - It's a modification. Yeah. 1003 00:41:56,445 --> 00:41:58,765 I mean, you don't need to throw it all in the trash. 1004 00:41:59,465 --> 00:42:00,925 - No, I don't think you should, quite frankly. 1005 00:42:00,925 --> 00:42:02,005 Yeah. I mean, that's way, that's 1006 00:42:02,185 --> 00:42:03,185 - Too much. 1007 00:42:03,185 --> 00:42:05,965 I mean, there may be times that that is sure what it takes, 1008 00:42:06,345 --> 00:42:09,685 but for the most part, you know, you, you, you just tweak 1009 00:42:09,805 --> 00:42:11,925 what needs tweaking, fix what needs fixing. 1010 00:42:12,225 --> 00:42:14,205 - And in terms of responsibility to act, 1011 00:42:14,225 --> 00:42:15,565 to attempt to stay on topic. 1012 00:42:15,665 --> 00:42:17,245 Mm-Hmm. , the modification 1013 00:42:17,345 --> 00:42:19,725 of the renegotiation, whatever term you want 1014 00:42:19,725 --> 00:42:24,405 to use within power exchange, allows you to kind of go, Hey, 1015 00:42:25,525 --> 00:42:29,285 I suck at being responsible for myself in this thing. 1016 00:42:29,285 --> 00:42:32,325 Mm-Hmm. , do you think you could be 1017 00:42:32,595 --> 00:42:33,725 responsible for it? 1018 00:42:33,825 --> 00:42:36,165 Or help me or hold me accountable, or whatever, whatever. 1019 00:42:36,745 --> 00:42:39,165 And you know, sometimes the answer's yes. 1020 00:42:39,165 --> 00:42:40,565 Sometimes the answer's no. Right. 1021 00:42:40,565 --> 00:42:41,885 Sometimes the answer is no. 1022 00:42:42,385 --> 00:42:43,925 But you know, if you know there are things 1023 00:42:43,925 --> 00:42:46,965 that would make your life a little bit easier would make, 1024 00:42:47,345 --> 00:42:51,025 um, you know, you feel a little bit better. 1025 00:42:51,125 --> 00:42:53,865 And you, I'm speaking mostly to submissives here, 1026 00:42:54,245 --> 00:42:56,025 and you struggle doing it on your own. 1027 00:42:56,095 --> 00:42:59,425 Like, I should not be in charge of myself. I know that. 1028 00:42:59,775 --> 00:43:04,265 Okay. in power exchange can be this great 1029 00:43:04,265 --> 00:43:06,665 opportunity to go, Hey, I need help. 1030 00:43:07,125 --> 00:43:08,505 We don't call it help. Right. 1031 00:43:08,725 --> 00:43:10,585 We, you know, depending on how you Mm-Hmm. 1032 00:43:10,625 --> 00:43:12,225 , you use it. It's like, can you, 1033 00:43:12,525 --> 00:43:13,585 can you tell me what to do? 1034 00:43:13,835 --> 00:43:16,785 Right. , can, can you dumb me through this? 1035 00:43:16,895 --> 00:43:17,985 That would be great. , 1036 00:43:17,985 --> 00:43:19,785 what we're really saying is, Hey, can you help me? 1037 00:43:20,005 --> 00:43:22,385 Can you, yeah. Can, can support me. 1038 00:43:22,805 --> 00:43:26,665 Can, it doesn't mean that JB would then become responsible 1039 00:43:26,665 --> 00:43:30,505 for all the things he would be responsible for doing the, 1040 00:43:30,645 --> 00:43:32,465 the very specific things he agreed to do. 1041 00:43:32,465 --> 00:43:34,305 What does support look like? Right? Mm-Hmm. 1042 00:43:34,345 --> 00:43:37,625 and or communicating clearly about why he 1043 00:43:37,635 --> 00:43:39,425 can't in this moment or any longer. 1044 00:43:39,855 --> 00:43:43,065 Okay. But, you know, when you ask, 1045 00:43:43,235 --> 00:43:46,185 especially in a negotiated power exchange for a partner 1046 00:43:46,325 --> 00:43:49,025 to be the one to help you be responsible 1047 00:43:49,485 --> 00:43:52,065 for the things you are typically responsible for alone, 1048 00:43:53,325 --> 00:43:55,545 you need to get very clear on what you mean by that. 1049 00:43:55,545 --> 00:43:57,625 Mm-Hmm. , like, as a submissive, it's, it's, 1050 00:43:57,735 --> 00:43:58,905 I've almost feel like it's easier 1051 00:43:58,905 --> 00:44:02,825 because I can go, Hey, uh, can you remind me to do this? 1052 00:44:03,165 --> 00:44:04,625 Can you tell me to do this? 1053 00:44:04,845 --> 00:44:07,425 Can you give me a consequence if I don't do this thing? 1054 00:44:07,455 --> 00:44:10,825 Because I recognize that I do better with 1055 00:44:10,825 --> 00:44:12,905 outside accountability from the one person 1056 00:44:12,955 --> 00:44:14,105 who's allowed to tell me what to do. 1057 00:44:14,685 --> 00:44:19,305 Um, I not, I can't just say, Hey, can you support me? 1058 00:44:19,565 --> 00:44:21,785 And he should never just go, yeah, I'll support you. 1059 00:44:21,805 --> 00:44:24,985 And we have not defined what support is 1060 00:44:24,985 --> 00:44:29,225 because then it's really easy for both of us to, um, 1061 00:44:29,665 --> 00:44:30,865 abdicate responsibility. 1062 00:44:31,305 --> 00:44:33,165 We haven't defined what the fuck we mean. Mm-Hmm. 1063 00:44:33,205 --> 00:44:34,525 . And what that looks like is abdicating 1064 00:44:34,525 --> 00:44:38,165 responsibility is then becomes hurt feelings, you know? 1065 00:44:38,165 --> 00:44:40,525 Yeah. You said you were gonna do this thing with my support. 1066 00:44:40,525 --> 00:44:43,565 You're not doing it at all. He's pissed. I'm over here. 1067 00:44:43,565 --> 00:44:44,805 Like you said, you were gonna fucking 1068 00:44:44,805 --> 00:44:46,125 support me and you're not supporting me. 1069 00:44:46,265 --> 00:44:47,845 I'm pissed. Now everybody's pissed 1070 00:44:47,845 --> 00:44:50,805 because we've not clearly defined what the res 1071 00:44:50,805 --> 00:44:52,485 what the roles are, what we're doing. 1072 00:44:52,705 --> 00:44:56,405 And that again goes back to clear communication. Yeah. 1073 00:44:57,295 --> 00:45:01,205 Which, you know, to loop it around, uh, from, 1074 00:45:01,275 --> 00:45:04,565 from a submissive perspective to any submissives out there 1075 00:45:04,565 --> 00:45:07,685 who could relate the downside side 1076 00:45:08,985 --> 00:45:11,325 to your dominant partner being responsible 1077 00:45:11,325 --> 00:45:14,165 for specific things like initiating fuckery. 1078 00:45:14,165 --> 00:45:15,805 That is, that's j b's wheelhouse. 1079 00:45:15,835 --> 00:45:17,365 That is his responsibility. 1080 00:45:18,075 --> 00:45:20,445 That means that if he's not up 1081 00:45:20,445 --> 00:45:22,005 for it, he's not thinking of it. 1082 00:45:22,025 --> 00:45:24,885 His own health is in the way his mind is elsewhere. 1083 00:45:25,115 --> 00:45:27,365 Pick all the things that can happen to any one of us. 1084 00:45:28,475 --> 00:45:31,885 Sometimes that means that you might go a while 1085 00:45:32,475 --> 00:45:34,605 without the thing you'd like . 1086 00:45:35,385 --> 00:45:37,965 Now let's loop keep, keep the loop going. Yeah. 1087 00:45:38,145 --> 00:45:40,925 My responsibility is the submissive is to say something. 1088 00:45:42,065 --> 00:45:44,685 How I say it when I say it, the tone I use, 1089 00:45:44,685 --> 00:45:46,605 it's all gonna be dictated by the power exchange. 1090 00:45:46,625 --> 00:45:49,165 Mm-Hmm. . But, uh, if I'm not getting 1091 00:45:49,275 --> 00:45:53,285 what I need, and he was the one who agreed to 1092 00:45:53,345 --> 00:45:57,645 and continues to agree to be the one to initiate that thing, 1093 00:45:58,245 --> 00:46:01,485 I have to say something and a thing that I'm learning. 1094 00:46:01,715 --> 00:46:02,965 Some of you're gonna go, duh. 1095 00:46:02,985 --> 00:46:04,285 And some of you're gonna go, oh yeah. 1096 00:46:04,285 --> 00:46:07,325 I need that reminder too. Being direct, 1097 00:46:08,855 --> 00:46:13,245 being assertive, being firm in your speech 1098 00:46:14,065 --> 00:46:16,365 is not being mean or disrespectful. 1099 00:46:16,505 --> 00:46:17,725 No, not automatically. 1100 00:46:18,265 --> 00:46:20,685 It is not sometimes what you say, 1101 00:46:20,685 --> 00:46:23,285 but how you say it sometimes is what the fuck you say. 1102 00:46:24,425 --> 00:46:26,485 But, you know, I'm, I'm of a generation 1103 00:46:26,485 --> 00:46:28,045 where I was heard ad nauseum. 1104 00:46:28,045 --> 00:46:29,445 It's not what you said. It's how you said it. 1105 00:46:29,845 --> 00:46:31,045 'cause I've been sassy since birth. 1106 00:46:31,045 --> 00:46:35,725 Y'all , uh, , huh. I know. It's shocking. 1107 00:46:35,985 --> 00:46:39,805 Um, but, you know, I, I have had to work on this. 1108 00:46:40,075 --> 00:46:42,085 It's hard to go to JB 1109 00:46:42,225 --> 00:46:44,765 and say, in the politest possible way, 1110 00:46:46,325 --> 00:46:47,725 I don't think you're doing the thing you 1111 00:46:47,725 --> 00:46:48,845 said you would do . 1112 00:46:48,845 --> 00:46:51,205 Right. And I don't, I don't come to him like that. 1113 00:46:51,285 --> 00:46:53,325 I don't come to him and go, you, you're kind 1114 00:46:53,325 --> 00:46:54,725 of sucking at this right now. 1115 00:46:55,525 --> 00:46:58,005 I come with how I'm feeling and what I want. 1116 00:46:58,345 --> 00:47:01,285 And then I'll say something along the lines of, 1117 00:47:02,625 --> 00:47:03,845 is there something I can do to help? 1118 00:47:04,065 --> 00:47:06,725 How, how do we get, do you want what I want? 1119 00:47:06,785 --> 00:47:09,405 Are you missing this too? Like, are we on the same page? 1120 00:47:09,585 --> 00:47:11,245 And if we're on the same page especially, 1121 00:47:11,245 --> 00:47:13,605 then it's much easier to turn the conversation to true. 1122 00:47:13,745 --> 00:47:16,205 How do we handle this? 1123 00:47:16,205 --> 00:47:18,805 Because that's the other part of responsibility. 1124 00:47:20,265 --> 00:47:23,125 It, it can be your responsibility 'cause you agreed to it 1125 00:47:23,225 --> 00:47:24,565 or you didn't negotiate it. 1126 00:47:24,565 --> 00:47:26,925 And so it's still your thing until you negotiate it. 1127 00:47:26,925 --> 00:47:29,245 Otherwise, that doesn't mean we 1128 00:47:29,245 --> 00:47:30,485 can't help one another through it. 1129 00:47:30,485 --> 00:47:31,765 Mm-Hmm. quite frankly, I think we're gonna get 1130 00:47:31,765 --> 00:47:33,365 through it better if I go, yeah, yeah. 1131 00:47:33,365 --> 00:47:35,285 I recognize you have the authority on this, 1132 00:47:35,545 --> 00:47:37,685 but it, it's not going the way we planned. 1133 00:47:38,265 --> 00:47:40,445 So how can we do this together? Right. 1134 00:47:40,745 --> 00:47:43,405 And then that might be mean a renegotiation. Mm-Hmm. 1135 00:47:43,445 --> 00:47:45,365 . He might be like, look, when you want the 1136 00:47:45,365 --> 00:47:46,525 fuckery, I'm gonna need you 1137 00:47:46,525 --> 00:47:48,445 to send out a very specific signal. 1138 00:47:49,375 --> 00:47:51,125 Raise a flag. I'll be like, okay, 1139 00:47:51,385 --> 00:47:52,685 but you're gonna have to get me the flag 1140 00:47:52,745 --> 00:47:53,805 and you're gonna have to remind me, 1141 00:47:53,895 --> 00:47:55,605 - Raise the flag, sound the horns. 1142 00:47:55,605 --> 00:47:56,725 You know? Right. Yeah. 1143 00:47:57,465 --> 00:47:58,845 - Do a thing. Right. Mm-Hmm. . 1144 00:47:59,025 --> 00:48:01,885 Um, and, and that goes back to just 1145 00:48:01,885 --> 00:48:03,565 because something is your responsibility does not mean 1146 00:48:03,565 --> 00:48:05,205 that you can't have help with it as well. 1147 00:48:06,325 --> 00:48:08,805 I know in the first time we talked about this, 1148 00:48:09,245 --> 00:48:10,845 I think if I recall correctly, 1149 00:48:10,985 --> 00:48:13,165 the focus was on Handle your fucking shit. 1150 00:48:13,215 --> 00:48:15,805 Y'all, . Did you say you would do it? 1151 00:48:15,825 --> 00:48:17,925 You need to fucking do it. Or talk about while you can't. 1152 00:48:17,925 --> 00:48:21,005 That is still true, but I think in terms of partnerships, 1153 00:48:21,195 --> 00:48:23,005 long term relationships Mm-Hmm. 1154 00:48:23,045 --> 00:48:25,805 , it becomes less of finger pointing. 1155 00:48:25,955 --> 00:48:28,965 This is on you. What are you gonna do about it? 1156 00:48:29,065 --> 00:48:32,125 And more a how can I support you through this? 1157 00:48:32,145 --> 00:48:35,245 How can we do this together? You know? Right. 1158 00:48:35,265 --> 00:48:37,605 - And that's, and that's the thing, I think people, a lot 1159 00:48:37,605 --> 00:48:40,725 of people don't realize, some do, some don't. 1160 00:48:40,745 --> 00:48:42,885 You know, it's, it's not a 1161 00:48:45,005 --> 00:48:46,525 a i thing, it's an us thing. 1162 00:48:47,135 --> 00:48:48,725 - Right. It goes back to the, 1163 00:48:49,345 --> 00:48:52,125 the conversations we've had on teamwork Yeah. 1164 00:48:53,385 --> 00:48:54,725 And having, you know, 1165 00:48:54,895 --> 00:48:56,445 goals we're trying to achieve together. 1166 00:48:56,605 --> 00:48:57,645 I think, you know, sometimes the mm-Hmm. 1167 00:48:57,685 --> 00:48:58,805 the way those things are phrased, they sound 1168 00:48:58,805 --> 00:49:02,845 very serious and very, um, regimented 1169 00:49:02,845 --> 00:49:04,565 and very, like, there's like 1170 00:49:04,605 --> 00:49:05,645 a box that you're supposed to fit in. 1171 00:49:05,645 --> 00:49:06,965 There's a way to do this. And it's, 1172 00:49:07,115 --> 00:49:10,285 it's just imperfect words for we're just trying to get 1173 00:49:10,285 --> 00:49:11,405 to the same fucking place together 1174 00:49:11,625 --> 00:49:13,325 and still like one another at the end of it. 1175 00:49:13,325 --> 00:49:14,925 Mm-Hmm. . Right? Like, we're trying 1176 00:49:14,925 --> 00:49:19,565 to do shit together that either is fulfilling to both of us, 1177 00:49:20,225 --> 00:49:22,005 or it's fulfilling to one of us, 1178 00:49:22,025 --> 00:49:23,285 and the other one doesn't fucking mind. 1179 00:49:23,285 --> 00:49:25,645 We're, we're fine with it. It's, it's fine. Right. 1180 00:49:25,655 --> 00:49:27,525 We're, I'm just happy to fucking be here. 1181 00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:29,125 You know, and, 1182 00:49:29,225 --> 00:49:32,805 and that's a very nuanced, subtle kind of thing 1183 00:49:32,805 --> 00:49:36,125 that just goes beyond, you know, 1184 00:49:37,105 --> 00:49:38,925 the goal is we're gonna learn a new skill. 1185 00:49:39,675 --> 00:49:41,605 Cool. We have those goals too. Mm-Hmm. . 1186 00:49:41,825 --> 00:49:46,085 But the, the goal for us is like, a current goal 1187 00:49:46,085 --> 00:49:48,845 for us is we just wanna survive the last 1188 00:49:48,845 --> 00:49:50,005 child going through high school. 1189 00:49:50,345 --> 00:49:52,605 And then we think the light at the end 1190 00:49:52,605 --> 00:49:54,205 of the tunnel is not an oncoming train. 1191 00:49:54,205 --> 00:49:56,725 It is some level of freedom 1192 00:49:56,725 --> 00:49:59,965 because we're no longer actively raising a child. 1193 00:50:00,355 --> 00:50:01,405 What does that look like? 1194 00:50:01,415 --> 00:50:02,885 First of all, let's get to the end of that 1195 00:50:02,905 --> 00:50:04,085 and still like one another. 1196 00:50:04,395 --> 00:50:08,205 Yeah. Have a strong enough relationship that we want 1197 00:50:08,205 --> 00:50:10,245 to do the things that today we want to do. 1198 00:50:10,375 --> 00:50:13,205 Right. That's an air quote goal. 1199 00:50:13,205 --> 00:50:17,085 But it's not this firm, you know, actionable. 1200 00:50:17,985 --> 00:50:20,925 Here's the numbers. It's, it is, it's not that, excuse me. 1201 00:50:20,995 --> 00:50:22,565 It's just a, we, 1202 00:50:22,565 --> 00:50:24,765 we just wanna survive this point in life together. 1203 00:50:24,765 --> 00:50:26,245 Mm-Hmm. and still like one another. 1204 00:50:26,565 --> 00:50:29,045 I think that's a good goal to have. Yes. It's, yes. 1205 00:50:29,115 --> 00:50:30,645 It's, it's, so what does that look like? 1206 00:50:30,645 --> 00:50:33,325 Well, that looks like everything, it looks like all 1207 00:50:33,325 --> 00:50:36,805 of the small details that are shorthand in life, 1208 00:50:36,805 --> 00:50:38,765 you don't think about them specifically. 1209 00:50:38,785 --> 00:50:40,725 And then it's the big stuff and it's the mm-Hmm. 1210 00:50:40,765 --> 00:50:42,845 the conflicts. And it's the learning how 1211 00:50:42,905 --> 00:50:45,965 to just sit with your feelings for a hot minute. 1212 00:50:46,105 --> 00:50:50,005 And not everything has to be a long drawn out conversation 1213 00:50:50,005 --> 00:50:52,805 because you know, you Kayla hurt your own fucking feelings. 1214 00:50:53,645 --> 00:50:56,405 , and then thought about making it j b's problem 1215 00:50:56,665 --> 00:50:57,805 before you went, you know what? 1216 00:50:57,825 --> 00:50:59,885 It, it doesn't fucking matter. It's okay. 1217 00:50:59,985 --> 00:51:02,765 That's another topic I'd like to do of trying to figure out 1218 00:51:03,895 --> 00:51:04,925 those few 1219 00:51:05,265 --> 00:51:08,805 but important moments where you actually don't necessarily 1220 00:51:10,675 --> 00:51:11,685 have to say a lot. 1221 00:51:12,175 --> 00:51:13,245 There are many, many moments 1222 00:51:13,295 --> 00:51:14,965 where clear communication is the thing. 1223 00:51:15,065 --> 00:51:17,045 Say the fucking thing. Right. , especially 1224 00:51:17,045 --> 00:51:18,045 as you're developing the skills. 1225 00:51:18,425 --> 00:51:20,725 But then as you develop those skills, there come points 1226 00:51:20,725 --> 00:51:24,005 where you, I don't need to bring that up. 1227 00:51:24,265 --> 00:51:26,005 It, it's fine. It really is fine. 1228 00:51:26,075 --> 00:51:27,165 It's not building resentment. 1229 00:51:27,305 --> 00:51:29,085 I'm just an, I'm a fucking bitch today. 1230 00:51:29,345 --> 00:51:31,605 And that annoyed me that we did not need 1231 00:51:32,205 --> 00:51:33,405 a boardroom meeting for that. 1232 00:51:33,405 --> 00:51:35,205 Right. Like those kinds of things. 1233 00:51:35,525 --> 00:51:39,285 , that may be another topic soon. Mm-Hmm. 1234 00:51:39,325 --> 00:51:43,965 . But yeah, so there's the simplicity 1235 00:51:43,965 --> 00:51:46,325 of responsibility that I think it's episode 44. 1236 00:51:46,665 --> 00:51:49,205 And then there's the nuance of what that really looks like 1237 00:51:50,025 --> 00:51:52,365 in action as you're juggling all these things 1238 00:51:52,365 --> 00:51:53,525 that aren't power exchange. 1239 00:51:53,915 --> 00:51:58,125 True trim for the few people who have a total power exchange 1240 00:51:58,675 --> 00:52:01,325 that has some level of micromanagement to it. 1241 00:52:02,355 --> 00:52:03,405 This may not apply. 1242 00:52:03,645 --> 00:52:06,485 I do still think, um, a submissive needs 1243 00:52:06,485 --> 00:52:07,605 to be responsible for themselves. 1244 00:52:07,605 --> 00:52:08,605 They need, they need to 1245 00:52:08,605 --> 00:52:09,725 think about their own fucking safety. 1246 00:52:09,745 --> 00:52:11,165 Mm-Hmm. . Because sometimes that partner 1247 00:52:11,195 --> 00:52:13,205 that you just negotiated, all who's gonna take care 1248 00:52:13,205 --> 00:52:14,325 of everything and you don't have 1249 00:52:14,325 --> 00:52:16,645 to think about anything gets sick. 1250 00:52:18,495 --> 00:52:19,735 I hate to say the word. They die. 1251 00:52:19,915 --> 00:52:21,255 Oh, let's not think about that. Mm. 1252 00:52:21,475 --> 00:52:23,095 Or they turn out to be a shitty fucking person 1253 00:52:23,155 --> 00:52:24,495 and you gotta get away from 'em. 1254 00:52:25,235 --> 00:52:29,695 Do you know how to function without their management? 1255 00:52:29,875 --> 00:52:31,375 I'm not saying do you know how to function well? 1256 00:52:31,595 --> 00:52:36,415 I'm, I'm a a whole ass responsible human being who knows how 1257 00:52:36,875 --> 00:52:39,535 to feed, clothe herself, pay her bills, 1258 00:52:39,565 --> 00:52:40,775 take like, I I got it. 1259 00:52:40,775 --> 00:52:43,855 I know how to do that shit. And I will, when the day comes 1260 00:52:43,855 --> 00:52:45,415 that there is no JB here, 1261 00:52:46,025 --> 00:52:48,135 we're going together like Thelma and Louise, it's fine. 1262 00:52:48,235 --> 00:52:49,855 But in those 30 seconds 1263 00:52:49,955 --> 00:52:53,575 before we're gone together, I'm gonna be a hot fucking mess. 1264 00:52:53,805 --> 00:52:56,295 Okay. . I'm not saying that it would not be 1265 00:52:56,905 --> 00:52:59,895 impossible, that it would be easy to be responsible 1266 00:52:59,895 --> 00:53:01,495 for yourself again after something like that. 1267 00:53:01,835 --> 00:53:02,975 But you should have the fucking 1268 00:53:02,975 --> 00:53:04,455 skills if you ever need them. 1269 00:53:05,435 --> 00:53:08,455 So I still think, I don't care what your power exchange is, 1270 00:53:08,455 --> 00:53:10,495 we all have a responsibility to ourselves as individuals 1271 00:53:12,045 --> 00:53:13,415 outside of the power exchange. 1272 00:53:13,755 --> 00:53:14,855 Yes. Yes. 1273 00:53:15,715 --> 00:53:17,095 But most of us who try 1274 00:53:17,095 --> 00:53:20,935 to integrate power exchange into our day-to-day life in not 1275 00:53:21,045 --> 00:53:24,175 that quite of a structure have 1276 00:53:24,175 --> 00:53:25,685 to think about our responsibilities on 1277 00:53:25,685 --> 00:53:26,925 just a different fucking level. 1278 00:53:27,445 --> 00:53:29,485 'cause there's caregiving and parenting, and there's Mm-Hmm. 1279 00:53:29,525 --> 00:53:32,085 , you know, having a dog 1280 00:53:32,105 --> 00:53:33,485 and cats and there's Mm-Hmm. 1281 00:53:33,525 --> 00:53:34,605 having a fucking job 1282 00:53:34,665 --> 00:53:36,005 and a boss who's an asshole. 1283 00:53:36,845 --> 00:53:39,085 I happen to be the asshole boss. Sorry. . 1284 00:53:39,665 --> 00:53:41,165 Uh, JB would really like me 1285 00:53:41,165 --> 00:53:42,805 to like tone it the fuck down , 1286 00:53:42,805 --> 00:53:45,005 but it's too bad. Uh, , 1287 00:53:45,685 --> 00:53:47,885 - I threatened go to hr, but 1288 00:53:49,085 --> 00:53:50,685 - I reminded him I am hr. Right. 1289 00:53:50,685 --> 00:53:52,205 - So, so - He's screwed . Yeah. 1290 00:53:52,835 --> 00:53:54,725 He's OSHA's safety stuff though. 1291 00:53:54,905 --> 00:53:57,365 And I did get an injury on the job, so 1292 00:53:58,875 --> 00:54:00,445 that was his responsibility. 1293 00:54:00,465 --> 00:54:02,245 It wasn't me and my inability 1294 00:54:02,345 --> 00:54:05,125 to handle a fucking put knife twice in 10 minutes. 1295 00:54:05,465 --> 00:54:08,685 Um, so yeah. This is real rambly. 1296 00:54:09,285 --> 00:54:12,325 I do not expect folks to walk away with a, 1297 00:54:12,555 --> 00:54:15,285 with like light bulbs going on over your head. 1298 00:54:15,725 --> 00:54:19,405 I just, I, I think it's worth thinking about at times when 1299 00:54:20,185 --> 00:54:22,005 we want place maybe the blame 1300 00:54:22,065 --> 00:54:25,245 of why we feel a way on our partner, and it's like, hmm. 1301 00:54:25,905 --> 00:54:28,245 Is it their fault? Is it not their fault? 1302 00:54:28,345 --> 00:54:29,405 Is it maybe a combination? 1303 00:54:29,405 --> 00:54:30,525 Maybe both, both sides 1304 00:54:30,525 --> 00:54:32,085 of the slash should have done a little bit more. 1305 00:54:32,625 --> 00:54:33,645 How do we approach things 1306 00:54:33,645 --> 00:54:34,845 that are a partner's responsibility, 1307 00:54:34,845 --> 00:54:37,765 but they're, they're not living up to that responsibility. 1308 00:54:37,765 --> 00:54:39,365 Mm-Hmm. and the way we want them to 1309 00:54:40,035 --> 00:54:41,845 like, yeah. 1310 00:54:42,475 --> 00:54:45,325 Also, it just proves that an offhand comment in, 1311 00:54:45,425 --> 00:54:48,405 in a conversation will become a topic at some point on this 1312 00:54:48,405 --> 00:54:49,525 fucking podcast . 1313 00:54:49,525 --> 00:54:53,805 Because 395 long episodes later, not to mention the 40 1314 00:54:53,865 --> 00:54:56,365 or 50 plus short episodes may be more. 1315 00:54:57,315 --> 00:55:00,725 Yeah. The only thing left for us to get into is the weeds. 1316 00:55:00,995 --> 00:55:05,045 Okay. , we have gone past, we're so far beyond 1317 00:55:05,355 --> 00:55:08,205 what is power exchange and what is BDSM? 1318 00:55:08,405 --> 00:55:09,765 . . Sorry. . 1319 00:55:10,155 --> 00:55:14,245 - True. True. - So rambling. Sure. Confusing. Yeah. 1320 00:55:14,245 --> 00:55:16,685 Chaotic. Mm-Hmm. most fucking definitely. Yep. 1321 00:55:16,915 --> 00:55:19,605 Helpful. Entertaining. 1322 00:55:19,695 --> 00:55:22,765 Maybe, maybe, because I think most of y'all are here mostly 1323 00:55:22,785 --> 00:55:23,845 for the chaos anyway. 1324 00:55:24,225 --> 00:55:27,045 You gotta be . You gotta be, if you hate the chaos, 1325 00:55:27,365 --> 00:55:28,565 I don't know why you're here . 1326 00:55:28,565 --> 00:55:30,445 Right. But yeah. 1327 00:55:30,705 --> 00:55:34,965 So I do love how the live stream 1328 00:55:35,745 --> 00:55:38,885 has been clocking you for vaping . 1329 00:55:39,865 --> 00:55:42,605 Did we talk about this before the podcast listeners came in? 1330 00:55:43,465 --> 00:55:46,325 Did, did I? Or was it, did this happen before? It, 1331 00:55:46,505 --> 00:55:48,045 - It, it happened during the, um, 1332 00:55:49,025 --> 00:55:50,025 - The butt rub. 1333 00:55:50,025 --> 00:55:52,445 Butt rub. So podcast listeners, JB made the statement, 1334 00:55:52,505 --> 00:55:54,125 let me get one last vape in. 1335 00:55:54,445 --> 00:55:56,485 I laughed my ass off . 1336 00:55:57,125 --> 00:55:59,165 I was like, this is not gonna be the last vape you have. 1337 00:55:59,385 --> 00:56:00,765 And he was like, of the episode, 1338 00:56:00,865 --> 00:56:03,125 and he meant of the topic discussion. 1339 00:56:03,125 --> 00:56:04,565 And I was like, because I count the bonus 1340 00:56:04,565 --> 00:56:05,765 section as the episode. 1341 00:56:05,765 --> 00:56:07,085 Mm-Hmm. . But 1342 00:56:07,085 --> 00:56:09,605 because he said it where others could see him. 1343 00:56:10,145 --> 00:56:12,445 Uh, the live stream, the live chat 1344 00:56:12,445 --> 00:56:14,605 during the live stream has been watching 1345 00:56:15,025 --> 00:56:16,025 - The Times. 1346 00:56:16,025 --> 00:56:18,325 And, uh, yeah, they, um, yeah, they did. They caught me. 1347 00:56:18,755 --> 00:56:20,725 - Look, I knew that you trying to say 1348 00:56:20,725 --> 00:56:23,285 that was your last vape because it's, it's not even, 1349 00:56:23,315 --> 00:56:25,045 it's not even a conscious thing you do anymore. 1350 00:56:25,155 --> 00:56:26,205 Yeah. Like, it's just, 1351 00:56:26,435 --> 00:56:28,245 - It's - It's, it's, you don't even think about it. 1352 00:56:28,265 --> 00:56:32,085 You don't even notice it half the time. But I love that you, 1353 00:56:32,625 --> 00:56:34,445 - You did a thing where, where others can give you shit 1354 00:56:34,445 --> 00:56:35,445 and that's probably a bad thing 1355 00:56:35,515 --> 00:56:36,725 that, but, you know, , 1356 00:56:38,755 --> 00:56:42,165 - Look, it's way better than the multipacks you 1357 00:56:42,185 --> 00:56:43,765 of cigarettes You used to smoke a day. 1358 00:56:43,765 --> 00:56:44,925 True. I'll take fucking vaping. 1359 00:56:44,985 --> 00:56:47,605 That's any damn day of the week. Yeah. So, yeah. 1360 00:56:48,025 --> 00:56:49,925 Anyway, it has nothing to do with anything 1361 00:56:49,925 --> 00:56:51,725 that would've been best for the bonus section, 1362 00:56:51,735 --> 00:56:52,965 which we can go into 1363 00:56:53,165 --> 00:56:54,165 - . 1364 00:56:54,165 --> 00:56:55,045 Okay. So, uh, are we good? 1365 00:56:55,565 --> 00:56:58,685 - I don't - Know. I dunno. I dunno. 1366 00:57:01,285 --> 00:57:02,925 - Kinky kinky, - Y'all. And we'll see you next week. 1367 00:57:15,145 --> 00:57:17,325 - Yes, baby girl. Can - We talk to the crickets, please? 1368 00:57:21,035 --> 00:57:25,605 - Yeah. Okay. - Good. I just have to say podcast listeners. 1369 00:57:26,105 --> 00:57:28,245 It didn't affect you, but there's no way you didn't notice. 1370 00:57:28,625 --> 00:57:31,245 We are live streaming at a completely different time of day. 1371 00:57:31,385 --> 00:57:34,685 Yes. I think so far I kind of like it. Mm-Hmm. 1372 00:57:34,725 --> 00:57:36,405 . But it has thrown me the fuck off. Yeah. 1373 00:57:36,405 --> 00:57:37,565 During the stream. It's thrown 1374 00:57:37,565 --> 00:57:40,045 - Me the fuck off it, it's thrown me off a little bit too, 1375 00:57:40,945 --> 00:57:43,805 but, um, I mean, it's 1376 00:57:44,895 --> 00:57:46,965 still warm in here. 1377 00:57:47,155 --> 00:57:49,405 Yeah. But it's way better. But it's not like stifling hot 1378 00:57:49,505 --> 00:57:50,845 the way it is during midday 1379 00:57:51,025 --> 00:57:52,605 - And actually midday today. 1380 00:57:53,305 --> 00:57:55,605 Oh, I, it got just, 1381 00:57:55,835 --> 00:57:58,005 just toasty roasty enough in this office. 1382 00:57:58,405 --> 00:58:00,845 I was nauseous. I I went and bumped the arrogant. 1383 00:58:01,005 --> 00:58:03,205 I know we, I've said this many 1384 00:58:03,205 --> 00:58:04,245 times, I'm gonna keep saying it. 1385 00:58:04,245 --> 00:58:06,725 We're trying not to pay $500 electric bills. Right. 1386 00:58:07,065 --> 00:58:10,405 Um, so we keep it not cold enough. Okay. 1387 00:58:10,945 --> 00:58:12,485 - Um, very conservative on the ac 1388 00:58:12,785 --> 00:58:13,785 - Oh. 1389 00:58:13,785 --> 00:58:16,245 Many, many people would be miserable in our house. Yep. 1390 00:58:16,645 --> 00:58:18,365 I know. I am miserable. 1391 00:58:18,745 --> 00:58:20,845 Um, but I, I did, I bumped it for a couple 1392 00:58:21,305 --> 00:58:22,525 for let it go for a couple hours. 1393 00:58:22,685 --> 00:58:24,525 I was like, I you were still outside working. 1394 00:58:24,545 --> 00:58:26,245 And I was like, I cannot, I cannot, 1395 00:58:26,845 --> 00:58:29,725 - I mean, I, when I came in, I was doing some, 1396 00:58:29,995 --> 00:58:32,445 some work at my computer and, 1397 00:58:32,465 --> 00:58:33,725 and we were sitting in here 1398 00:58:33,725 --> 00:58:35,485 with the lights out Yeah. To help. 1399 00:58:35,965 --> 00:58:38,245 - I know. At, at one point I finally went, oh, 1400 00:58:38,245 --> 00:58:40,885 what I'm doing requires, requires more concentration. 1401 00:58:40,965 --> 00:58:43,805 I need a big light. I need, I need to illuminate what 1402 00:58:44,065 --> 00:58:45,165 - I'm looking at. Yeah. 1403 00:58:45,625 --> 00:58:47,045 - And that is when I got hot in here again, 1404 00:58:47,045 --> 00:58:48,045 when I turn the lights back on 1405 00:58:48,185 --> 00:58:49,885 and we like, they're LED bulbs. 1406 00:58:49,955 --> 00:58:53,125 Like they're not giving off heat. Really? Not in the 1407 00:58:53,235 --> 00:58:54,235 - Classic sense. 1408 00:58:54,235 --> 00:58:55,365 Well, they, not in the classic sense, 1409 00:58:55,425 --> 00:59:00,285 but I mean, like, we got four bulbs on each ceiling fan. 1410 00:59:00,285 --> 00:59:02,845 Mm-Hmm. lit. Plus we have the, 1411 00:59:02,985 --> 00:59:05,915 the lights for the recording. Yeah. 1412 00:59:06,295 --> 00:59:07,955 - And this is much better - Evening. 1413 00:59:07,975 --> 00:59:10,795 And, and I, and I know when we 1414 00:59:12,585 --> 00:59:15,195 turn them on, I feel the difference with the lights. 1415 00:59:15,215 --> 00:59:16,595 Mm-Hmm. . So the lights, you know, 1416 00:59:16,695 --> 00:59:18,315 do make a, make a big difference. 1417 00:59:18,505 --> 00:59:19,635 - Okay. I've been validated. 1418 00:59:19,725 --> 00:59:21,925 Taste you in the live stream, said 1419 00:59:22,515 --> 00:59:25,245 that he keeps his house at 77. That's, 1420 00:59:25,245 --> 00:59:26,245 - That's what we keep ours - At. 1421 00:59:26,245 --> 00:59:28,165 And that's what we do too. And I know there are some people 1422 00:59:28,165 --> 00:59:29,285 who are shuttering right now. 1423 00:59:29,285 --> 00:59:31,845 You're like, no, I would melt into a puddle. 1424 00:59:31,845 --> 00:59:33,445 Yeah. I too would like to 1425 00:59:33,445 --> 00:59:34,445 - Melt it. 1426 00:59:34,445 --> 00:59:35,565 Now, now at, at night when we go 1427 00:59:35,565 --> 00:59:37,925 to sleep at drops down to 76. 1428 00:59:37,995 --> 00:59:40,045 Yeah. Just to give a little bit extra. Yeah. 1429 00:59:40,045 --> 00:59:41,085 You know, while we're sleeping. 1430 00:59:41,745 --> 00:59:44,645 - But I mean, when there was a time 1431 00:59:47,305 --> 00:59:50,725 bef when we first moved into, or just 1432 00:59:50,745 --> 00:59:52,165 before that when we were living on our own Mm-Hmm. 1433 00:59:52,205 --> 00:59:53,485 , there was a time you could kind of keep your 1434 00:59:53,485 --> 00:59:54,725 house at like 73 1435 00:59:55,465 --> 00:59:57,685 and you know, you were paying more for your 1436 00:59:58,205 --> 00:59:59,405 electric than you might have otherwise. 1437 00:59:59,405 --> 01:00:00,885 Mm-Hmm. . But like, it, it was 1438 01:00:00,905 --> 01:00:01,965 not a car payment. 1439 01:00:02,065 --> 01:00:03,965 It was not a second mortgage. No. 1440 01:00:04,345 --> 01:00:06,885 Um, and we, the first time we were like, 1441 01:00:06,915 --> 01:00:08,205 okay, we need to cut costs. 1442 01:00:08,475 --> 01:00:11,605 That was the thing we just did. We just bumped the air, pump 1443 01:00:11,605 --> 01:00:12,685 - The air, you know. 1444 01:00:12,945 --> 01:00:14,685 - And it does make a huge differe difference on 1445 01:00:14,685 --> 01:00:15,685 - Your bill. 1446 01:00:15,685 --> 01:00:16,565 It, it makes a huge difference. 1447 01:00:16,985 --> 01:00:21,165 And, you know, I'm in, in one of these community, uh, chat 1448 01:00:21,785 --> 01:00:23,365 things, you know the one I'm talking about? 1449 01:00:23,365 --> 01:00:24,645 - Yeah. Yeah. I - Think so. Yeah. And, 1450 01:00:24,785 --> 01:00:28,405 and I see people on there complaining, you know, 1451 01:00:28,405 --> 01:00:32,605 that they have four or $500 electric bills in the summer. 1452 01:00:33,545 --> 01:00:38,525 And then somebody, uh, you know, asked the question, well, 1453 01:00:38,525 --> 01:00:40,485 what temperature are you keeping the house at? 1454 01:00:40,505 --> 01:00:41,965 Mm-Hmm. , you know, and they're like 1455 01:00:41,965 --> 01:00:44,125 73, 72 degrees. So, 1456 01:00:44,505 --> 01:00:48,485 - And look, I would, if I could pick, that's 1457 01:00:48,485 --> 01:00:49,565 where our house would be set at. 1458 01:00:49,565 --> 01:00:52,525 Mm-Hmm. way too perimenopausal for anything. 1459 01:00:52,715 --> 01:00:55,605 Yeah. Other than that one thing 1460 01:00:56,225 --> 01:00:57,965 JB would be wearing a parka. 1461 01:00:57,965 --> 01:01:00,845 Yes. He would not be able to handle it. He would be so cold. 1462 01:01:01,585 --> 01:01:05,245 Um, but also we probably wouldn't even have electric 1463 01:01:05,245 --> 01:01:07,165 because we couldn't afford that fucking bill. 1464 01:01:07,165 --> 01:01:08,365 Right. And some people can't. 1465 01:01:08,395 --> 01:01:10,325 That I've told JB this multiple times. 1466 01:01:11,785 --> 01:01:16,125 Uh, the day we do not care what our electric bill is. 1467 01:01:16,605 --> 01:01:19,405 is when the day that our thermostat will be on 73. 1468 01:01:19,575 --> 01:01:21,925 Thank you very much. Uh, 1469 01:01:23,825 --> 01:01:28,165 and two Life has taken a very good turn for us, . 1470 01:01:29,825 --> 01:01:34,045 But like most people, uh, 1471 01:01:34,945 --> 01:01:36,925 we have to like watch our money 1472 01:01:37,065 --> 01:01:39,085 and that's a place we watch it now. 1473 01:01:39,505 --> 01:01:42,045 Um, somebody Susan asked if we have ceiling fans. 1474 01:01:42,135 --> 01:01:43,205 We're this is south. 1475 01:01:43,205 --> 01:01:45,005 Every, every single room other than the bathrooms 1476 01:01:45,425 --> 01:01:46,685 has a ceiling fan and the kitchen. 1477 01:01:46,985 --> 01:01:48,085 And they, yeah. And the kitchen. 1478 01:01:48,545 --> 01:01:51,645 We live the condo had a ceiling fan. I hated it. 1479 01:01:51,645 --> 01:01:53,245 That thing just, you'd have 1480 01:01:53,245 --> 01:01:54,725 to clean it daily to keep dust off of it. 1481 01:01:54,725 --> 01:01:56,805 Mm-Hmm. . But basically all the bedrooms, 1482 01:01:56,805 --> 01:02:00,125 the living room, um, here in our office, 1483 01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:01,245 there's two fans in here. 1484 01:02:01,585 --> 01:02:03,285 And this is the south. Sure. 1485 01:02:03,285 --> 01:02:04,805 Some southerners don't, but most of us, 1486 01:02:04,855 --> 01:02:07,925 these fans run every moment of every day. 1487 01:02:08,535 --> 01:02:11,005 365 days a year. . Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 1488 01:02:11,085 --> 01:02:12,445 . They do not get turned off. 1489 01:02:13,065 --> 01:02:14,805 - No. Um, you know, the, 1490 01:02:14,825 --> 01:02:18,165 the kitchen here did have a ceiling fan at one time 1491 01:02:18,515 --> 01:02:19,685 when we first moved in. 1492 01:02:20,465 --> 01:02:23,925 And um, you know, 1493 01:02:24,945 --> 01:02:26,085 we had it removed. 1494 01:02:26,265 --> 01:02:27,925 One because the light, 1495 01:02:28,465 --> 01:02:30,725 the lighting in the kitchen was horrible. 1496 01:02:30,815 --> 01:02:32,565 Awful. Couldn't see anything awful. 1497 01:02:32,785 --> 01:02:37,775 Um, you know, put, uh, mini split or mini I, 1498 01:02:38,055 --> 01:02:39,695 'cause I'm looking at the, uh, um, 1499 01:02:39,755 --> 01:02:41,655 the pot lights put the pot lights in the kitchen. 1500 01:02:41,755 --> 01:02:43,735 And those are phenomenal. 1501 01:02:44,645 --> 01:02:46,855 - Yeah. - You know, for the, for the lighting. 1502 01:02:47,515 --> 01:02:48,935 But, um, yeah. 1503 01:02:49,075 --> 01:02:51,655 The, the, the kitchen bathroom's pretty much the only rooms 1504 01:02:51,655 --> 01:02:53,495 that do not have ceiling fans. 1505 01:02:53,545 --> 01:02:54,935 Every, the office has two. 1506 01:02:55,595 --> 01:02:57,815 - And I, I don't think they put off enough. 1507 01:02:58,245 --> 01:02:59,975 It's just this room is so big. Yeah. 1508 01:03:00,125 --> 01:03:01,495 Like, if, I know we can't, 1509 01:03:01,495 --> 01:03:03,055 but if we could, I'd put a third one. 1510 01:03:03,445 --> 01:03:06,415 - Yeah. I mean, the fans are running a medium. 1511 01:03:06,695 --> 01:03:08,975 I could crank 'em up a little bit higher. 1512 01:03:09,255 --> 01:03:11,015 - I know. That's the downside when you, 1513 01:03:11,655 --> 01:03:15,775 I have found in every fan we've ever had my whole life, 1514 01:03:15,915 --> 01:03:19,495 you put that thing on high, you think a plane is taking off. 1515 01:03:19,565 --> 01:03:20,775 - Yeah. - It's, yeah. 1516 01:03:21,195 --> 01:03:23,575 Now for folks who, like, if JB takes out his hearing aids, 1517 01:03:23,575 --> 01:03:24,735 he's not gonna fucking hear that shit. 1518 01:03:25,015 --> 01:03:27,695 or, or for anybody who's not sensitive 1519 01:03:27,695 --> 01:03:30,095 to certain kinds of sounds, probably wouldn't matter. 1520 01:03:30,455 --> 01:03:34,535 I cannot, I can't even handle the over 1521 01:03:35,265 --> 01:03:36,815 theto, the oven vent thing. 1522 01:03:36,915 --> 01:03:38,455 The vent fan. Oh my God. 1523 01:03:38,995 --> 01:03:41,815 And that only has to be on for like 10 or 15 minutes. 1524 01:03:41,835 --> 01:03:43,775 Mm-Hmm. , the fan's on high. 1525 01:03:44,105 --> 01:03:46,935 First of all, I'm gonna hear the whirring of the blades. 1526 01:03:47,115 --> 01:03:49,055 I'm go, I'm definitely gonna hear. 1527 01:03:49,055 --> 01:03:51,975 Everybody's gonna hear the chain. Clack, clack, 1528 01:03:52,225 --> 01:03:52,735 - Cling. Oh 1529 01:03:52,995 --> 01:03:53,995 - God. 1530 01:03:53,995 --> 01:03:57,145 Oh my God. Yeah. So Mr. 1531 01:03:57,145 --> 01:03:58,785 Fist asked if we've ever looked at 1532 01:03:58,785 --> 01:04:01,505 ductless mini split systems. I think I've heard of those. 1533 01:04:01,605 --> 01:04:03,545 - We, yeah. Um, but 1534 01:04:03,765 --> 01:04:05,105 - We just had to replace our 1535 01:04:05,105 --> 01:04:06,225 system a couple years ago. Our, 1536 01:04:06,225 --> 01:04:07,385 - Our, yeah. So 1537 01:04:07,645 --> 01:04:09,265 - We will not be switching anything now. 1538 01:04:09,895 --> 01:04:11,265 - Well, the, the ductless 1539 01:04:11,715 --> 01:04:13,345 minis you talking about, can you add it? 1540 01:04:13,345 --> 01:04:14,465 That can be added in. Mm. 1541 01:04:14,735 --> 01:04:18,705 That, that like, put it up there on the wall. Gotcha. Okay. 1542 01:04:18,775 --> 01:04:20,305 It's not tied into a duct. 1543 01:04:20,775 --> 01:04:23,065 It's just there, it vents outside. 1544 01:04:23,975 --> 01:04:27,825 It's kind of, think of it as a permanent window. Rattler. 1545 01:04:28,295 --> 01:04:31,385 - Okay. Oh. Expensive though. - I don't know. Never, 1546 01:04:32,195 --> 01:04:33,265 - Never got - That far. 1547 01:04:33,475 --> 01:04:35,505 Never got that far to look into. Into it. Yeah. 1548 01:04:35,565 --> 01:04:39,585 - Uh, if it's because just before we started streaming 1549 01:04:39,585 --> 01:04:41,345 and recording, JB was like, we, 1550 01:04:41,465 --> 01:04:43,225 I can't believe we've not thought about getting a window 1551 01:04:43,255 --> 01:04:45,345 rattler for one of the windows in this office. 1552 01:04:45,445 --> 01:04:47,305 And I'm like, yeah. But those things are pretty loud. 1553 01:04:47,545 --> 01:04:49,385 'cause I mean, I'm, I'm old. 1554 01:04:49,505 --> 01:04:51,625 I remember the ones from the eighties Yeah. 1555 01:04:51,735 --> 01:04:53,905 That were also a sensory nightmare. Oh yeah. 1556 01:04:54,125 --> 01:04:57,825 Um, but yeah, like we know one of our goals, 1557 01:04:58,625 --> 01:05:00,745 is to replace the windows in here. 1558 01:05:00,745 --> 01:05:03,585 Yeah. And that will help with some of the heat. Oh yeah. 1559 01:05:03,655 --> 01:05:06,465 Because part of the, they're like sieves. 1560 01:05:06,525 --> 01:05:07,705 The, the air just flows 1561 01:05:08,085 --> 01:05:09,085 - In and out the Yeah. 1562 01:05:09,085 --> 01:05:10,185 - In these windows. Um, 1563 01:05:10,265 --> 01:05:11,545 - I, I would even actually like 1564 01:05:11,545 --> 01:05:12,505 to see the number of 1565 01:05:12,505 --> 01:05:14,305 windows. Oh, fuck yeah. Go down reduced 1566 01:05:14,535 --> 01:05:15,535 - Down here. 1567 01:05:15,535 --> 01:05:16,585 Go down. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. For sure. 1568 01:05:17,265 --> 01:05:19,725 Um, but before or after, 1569 01:05:19,785 --> 01:05:21,885 or at the same time that we do something like that, yeah. 1570 01:05:22,105 --> 01:05:25,685 It, because when we had the new system put in, 1571 01:05:25,685 --> 01:05:29,005 we wanted them to run more vents in here 1572 01:05:29,225 --> 01:05:30,565 and they were only able to do one, 1573 01:05:30,565 --> 01:05:32,045 which thankfully is right over my desk. 1574 01:05:32,045 --> 01:05:34,125 Mm-Hmm. the air blows directly in my 1575 01:05:34,125 --> 01:05:35,285 face. It is delightful. 1576 01:05:35,285 --> 01:05:39,005 - The, the big, the big problem with this room as it is, 1577 01:05:39,985 --> 01:05:41,125 as far as cooling. 1578 01:05:41,625 --> 01:05:43,165 Yes. We have the two vents in here. 1579 01:05:43,165 --> 01:05:45,085 They, they were able to add one vent, 1580 01:05:45,105 --> 01:05:47,845 but only on one side of the room. 1581 01:05:47,845 --> 01:05:49,125 Nothing could be done on the other. 1582 01:05:49,865 --> 01:05:53,175 And it's a long, long room. Mm-Hmm. . 1583 01:05:53,755 --> 01:05:57,975 So what they were going to do to help was 1584 01:05:57,995 --> 01:06:00,095 to put another return here as well. 1585 01:06:00,275 --> 01:06:03,295 Mm. Because then that takes, you know, 1586 01:06:03,295 --> 01:06:05,095 the warm air out and replace it. 1587 01:06:05,095 --> 01:06:09,455 Gotcha. And, and they could not, couldn't, you know, they, 1588 01:06:09,455 --> 01:06:10,455 they could not do that. 1589 01:06:10,715 --> 01:06:12,735 So. Yeah. 1590 01:06:14,845 --> 01:06:18,815 - Yeah. We every time I have to pay the bill 1591 01:06:19,035 --> 01:06:20,895 for the brand new Yeah. 1592 01:06:21,245 --> 01:06:23,135 HVAC and all new ducks. 1593 01:06:23,395 --> 01:06:25,655 I'm like, yeah, it really pisses me off. 1594 01:06:25,695 --> 01:06:27,255 I can't have this house as cold as I want. 1595 01:06:27,615 --> 01:06:31,175 , but also I would be crankier because, 1596 01:06:32,835 --> 01:06:35,295 - Um, well maybe one day when we pay that off, we have 1597 01:06:35,295 --> 01:06:37,455 that money and we can put it towards keeping the house. 1598 01:06:37,455 --> 01:06:39,695 Cool. I know right. . Alright. 1599 01:06:40,235 --> 01:06:43,135 - And I, I have not, I don't know anything about it. Mm. 1600 01:06:43,185 --> 01:06:45,615 Other than that it's becoming very common here in Florida 1601 01:06:45,615 --> 01:06:47,095 for people to do, even on some 1602 01:06:47,095 --> 01:06:49,295 of like the smallest little houses we know 1603 01:06:49,295 --> 01:06:53,095 that we will probably someday Mm-Hmm. 1604 01:06:53,135 --> 01:06:54,575 look into solar. 1605 01:06:55,755 --> 01:06:59,255 Um, and I wonder if with solar 1606 01:07:00,475 --> 01:07:02,775 we could keep I know we're not gonna be down like 1607 01:07:02,975 --> 01:07:04,255 RA's at 65 Yeah. 1608 01:07:04,315 --> 01:07:07,015 At her place. We are never gonna No, we're never gonna be 1609 01:07:07,235 --> 01:07:08,235 - Be building an egg loop. 1610 01:07:08,855 --> 01:07:11,175 - . You would be complaining so much. 1611 01:07:11,185 --> 01:07:12,895 - Right. Oh - My God. Um, 1612 01:07:13,115 --> 01:07:15,735 but I just kept it a little cooler than we do now. 1613 01:07:15,965 --> 01:07:18,895 Yeah. Um, I don't even know what my ideal temperature is. 1614 01:07:19,015 --> 01:07:21,935 I know it's not 77 and it's not 76 1615 01:07:22,335 --> 01:07:23,695 'cause seven he'll put it down to 76 1616 01:07:23,695 --> 01:07:24,975 and I'm like, this has done nothing. 1617 01:07:25,095 --> 01:07:26,615 I don know. I don't know what's happening here. Yeah. 1618 01:07:27,295 --> 01:07:30,295 Um, but I'm also so used to it being warmer in our house. 1619 01:07:30,295 --> 01:07:31,815 Mm-Hmm. that when we go 1620 01:07:31,815 --> 01:07:34,655 to somebody else's house and they have it like at 70, 72, 1621 01:07:34,875 --> 01:07:38,615 I'm like, I am so cold in here , but I just 1622 01:07:38,615 --> 01:07:39,935 - Want, now I just want the freedom 1623 01:07:39,935 --> 01:07:42,415 and luxury to, I just, I just want put it down to say, I, 1624 01:07:42,495 --> 01:07:44,415 I want y'all to know this for the record. 1625 01:07:45,705 --> 01:07:50,695 There are many nights when we go to bed and Yes. 1626 01:07:50,795 --> 01:07:52,455 The, the base temperature we try 1627 01:07:52,455 --> 01:07:54,855 to keep the house at at night is 76 degrees. 1628 01:07:56,525 --> 01:07:58,055 Okay. Um, 1629 01:07:59,035 --> 01:08:01,015 but there are many nights 1630 01:08:02,535 --> 01:08:04,095 I will bump it down to 75. 1631 01:08:04,315 --> 01:08:06,455 You do, I know you do that for me for an hour, hour 1632 01:08:06,455 --> 01:08:07,575 and a half, something like that. 1633 01:08:08,035 --> 01:08:10,175 Mm-Hmm. just to give us 1634 01:08:10,175 --> 01:08:12,895 that little extra chill for going to bed. 1635 01:08:13,335 --> 01:08:14,575 - I know. And I - Do appreciate that. 1636 01:08:14,715 --> 01:08:16,645 And, and, and that's, that's the nice, 1637 01:08:16,865 --> 01:08:20,685 the nice thing about it, um, the one, the, the, 1638 01:08:20,745 --> 01:08:23,445 the one thing that I definitely see as an upside 1639 01:08:24,395 --> 01:08:28,045 with the new system, we got a smart thermostat Yeah. 1640 01:08:28,345 --> 01:08:31,285 Out of it. You know, so Yeah. It's, it's programmed. 1641 01:08:31,405 --> 01:08:33,805 I don't really have to touch it. Mm-Hmm. 1642 01:08:34,025 --> 01:08:37,165 And, and you know, when I do that little bump, it's, 1643 01:08:37,485 --> 01:08:38,965 I have an app, I can control it 1644 01:08:38,965 --> 01:08:40,565 through the phone, which is nice. I know. You know, 1645 01:08:40,945 --> 01:08:43,085 - And it, you know, the, the type 1646 01:08:43,085 --> 01:08:44,405 of system which is pretty standard. 1647 01:08:44,425 --> 01:08:45,845 We didn't get anything fancy, but Mm-Hmm. 1648 01:08:45,985 --> 01:08:47,645 It controls the humidity in here really well 1649 01:08:47,785 --> 01:08:50,045 and lets us know what the humidity is. Yes. So 1650 01:08:50,045 --> 01:08:52,845 - If we need to adjust both inside and out, so we, yeah. 1651 01:08:53,155 --> 01:08:56,925 - Because that's it's, it's um, 1652 01:08:57,635 --> 01:08:59,485 stereotypical, it's cliche. 1653 01:08:59,645 --> 01:09:01,525 'cause it's true. It's not the heat, it's the humidity. 1654 01:09:01,665 --> 01:09:03,925 Mm-Hmm. at least in high humidity areas. 1655 01:09:04,665 --> 01:09:07,645 Um, but that's also why we don't want our temps 1656 01:09:07,645 --> 01:09:09,365 to fluctuate too much in here either 1657 01:09:09,515 --> 01:09:13,565 because you let it get too warm then it runs 1658 01:09:13,705 --> 01:09:15,845 for forever Yeah. To get down to being 1659 01:09:16,115 --> 01:09:17,205 - Comfortable - Cool. 1660 01:09:17,205 --> 01:09:20,165 Again. Yeah. So Yeah. Yeah. 1661 01:09:20,205 --> 01:09:21,525 I just, I feel like I will have, 1662 01:09:21,805 --> 01:09:24,805 I will have made it whatever it is when I don't care 1663 01:09:24,805 --> 01:09:28,805 what the electric bill and I'm comfortable 1664 01:09:29,205 --> 01:09:30,045 - . Right, right. 1665 01:09:30,115 --> 01:09:33,405 - Yeah. I actually, especially now that hot flashes 1666 01:09:33,405 --> 01:09:35,605 and night sweats are just a, a constant. 1667 01:09:36,145 --> 01:09:40,085 Um, I was really enjoying the winter months 1668 01:09:40,085 --> 01:09:42,405 because I was like, my toes are cold. 1669 01:09:42,645 --> 01:09:45,525 I need to go put on socks. This is delightful. 1670 01:09:47,915 --> 01:09:49,605 This is wonderful. Mm-Hmm. . 1671 01:09:49,665 --> 01:09:52,365 Now our electric bill dips in the winter. 1672 01:09:52,605 --> 01:09:55,085 'cause we don't run the heat very often. No. 1673 01:09:55,425 --> 01:09:57,045 Um, it has to, it has to get like 1674 01:09:57,045 --> 01:09:59,365 to freezing temps before like Yeah. I guess we'll run 1675 01:09:59,365 --> 01:10:00,685 - The heat for a couple hours. 1676 01:10:00,955 --> 01:10:04,445 Yeah. A lot of, a lot of times we'll run it in at night 1677 01:10:04,865 --> 01:10:07,245 before we go to bed for a little bit. 1678 01:10:07,275 --> 01:10:08,805 Turn it off and then we get up in the morning, 1679 01:10:08,835 --> 01:10:10,485 turn it on and you know. Yeah. 1680 01:10:11,265 --> 01:10:12,485 - But God, 1681 01:10:12,685 --> 01:10:14,765 I thought we had finally maybe gotten away from talking 1682 01:10:14,765 --> 01:10:15,845 about the fucking weather. 1683 01:10:16,385 --> 01:10:17,445 No. We're the old people 1684 01:10:17,445 --> 01:10:18,845 who talk about the weather, y'all. Yep. 1685 01:10:18,845 --> 01:10:20,045 - Yep. Yep. Yep. - Um, 1686 01:10:20,715 --> 01:10:21,725 - Good to see you Eva. 1687 01:10:21,725 --> 01:10:22,725 Take care. 1688 01:10:23,305 --> 01:10:28,005 - But yeah, you, - I just, yeah. Life in Florida, 1689 01:10:28,705 --> 01:10:31,125 - But all of that, that all started from, 1690 01:10:31,515 --> 01:10:34,085 it's actually nicer to be doing this at, at night. 1691 01:10:34,085 --> 01:10:35,005 Yeah. The livestream. 1692 01:10:35,225 --> 01:10:36,405 That's, that's where we went with that. 1693 01:10:36,405 --> 01:10:38,445 Right. All that roundabout. That's where we went. Yep. 1694 01:10:38,445 --> 01:10:43,045 Yep, yep. Um, I actually also liked the fact that 1695 01:10:43,875 --> 01:10:47,685 this is not true of any Wednesday ever. 1696 01:10:48,925 --> 01:10:50,725 I worked on shit Mm-Hmm. 1697 01:10:50,765 --> 01:10:52,565 that I would not actually normally get to. 1698 01:10:52,685 --> 01:10:54,725 I made a little to-do list. Yeah. 1699 01:10:54,885 --> 01:10:57,965 I had a, a air quote this normal working day, 1700 01:10:58,345 --> 01:11:01,325 normal subjective, um, and stopped at five o'clock 1701 01:11:01,485 --> 01:11:02,565 'cause we needed to have dinner 1702 01:11:02,785 --> 01:11:04,045 and I needed to be prepped for this 1703 01:11:04,185 --> 01:11:05,405 and you know, whatever, whatever. 1704 01:11:05,945 --> 01:11:08,845 Um, now does it make for a long day? Yeah, that's fine. 1705 01:11:08,875 --> 01:11:12,365 Yeah. Um, I enjoy this so much. Yes. 1706 01:11:12,395 --> 01:11:15,165 It's technically air quote work, but it doesn't Yeah. 1707 01:11:15,435 --> 01:11:17,525 - Feel like it. Well, you know, I, I kind 1708 01:11:17,525 --> 01:11:18,885 of been thinking about this 1709 01:11:18,945 --> 01:11:22,965 and I, I, you know, I I brought this up to her to, 1710 01:11:23,025 --> 01:11:25,405 to do the, make this change and, 1711 01:11:25,505 --> 01:11:28,805 and you know, it kind of goes back to the beginning when we 1712 01:11:30,355 --> 01:11:32,965 used to do all the recording for the podcast at night. 1713 01:11:33,225 --> 01:11:35,005 - Yes. In the very beginning we were sitting in a closet 1714 01:11:35,245 --> 01:11:36,685 'cause it had the best acoustics. Mm-Hmm. 1715 01:11:36,725 --> 01:11:38,405 - - So fucking hot in that 1716 01:11:38,405 --> 01:11:39,405 - Closet. 1717 01:11:39,405 --> 01:11:39,925 Yeah. It was Damn was. 1718 01:11:40,185 --> 01:11:41,925 - But yeah, I mean, we had in the beginning, 1719 01:11:41,945 --> 01:11:42,965 we had to record at night. 1720 01:11:42,965 --> 01:11:44,965 Right. Especially once you started recording with me, 1721 01:11:44,965 --> 01:11:46,085 that's really what we had to do at night. 1722 01:11:46,545 --> 01:11:49,365 Um, because you were still working your big boy job. Mm-Hmm. 1723 01:11:49,405 --> 01:11:50,925 . So, 1724 01:11:51,305 --> 01:11:53,285 - So, but yeah, it was, it was kind of weird 1725 01:11:53,305 --> 01:11:56,205 for me today too, you know, to go out 1726 01:11:56,265 --> 01:11:59,805 and in, in the shop and be doing stuff this morning. 1727 01:11:59,825 --> 01:12:01,285 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . So 1728 01:12:02,005 --> 01:12:03,765 - I know, I, I don't have a sense of what day 1729 01:12:03,765 --> 01:12:05,405 of the week it is because 1730 01:12:06,645 --> 01:12:08,565 - I know when, when it was very, you know, 1731 01:12:08,915 --> 01:12:10,565 very delineated Wednesday morning. 1732 01:12:10,585 --> 01:12:13,845 Yep. We get up and, and we're gonna, we we're gonna record 1733 01:12:14,665 --> 01:12:16,525 - And, um, yeah. 1734 01:12:16,565 --> 01:12:18,285 A couple times today. I was like, what day is it? 1735 01:12:18,285 --> 01:12:20,885 Is it Wednesday? Is it Thursday? What day is it? Yeah. 1736 01:12:21,305 --> 01:12:22,605 Had to be reminded. It was Wednesday. 1737 01:12:23,355 --> 01:12:26,685 - Yeah, it's Wednesday. Um, glad it's not Thursday. 1738 01:12:26,765 --> 01:12:29,085 Otherwise we'd, we'd be in trouble. We would, 1739 01:12:29,085 --> 01:12:30,845 - We have to go get the oldest - Oldest. 1740 01:12:31,075 --> 01:12:34,405 He's, he's, he's coming home for a long weekend. Oh my 1741 01:12:34,405 --> 01:12:35,405 - God. 1742 01:12:35,405 --> 01:12:37,605 It was, it was the most precious thing. Yeah. 1743 01:12:37,985 --> 01:12:42,165 He, he's trying so hard to be as independent as he can 1744 01:12:42,225 --> 01:12:43,725 and to figure shit out on his own 1745 01:12:43,725 --> 01:12:46,085 because that's just kind of who he is. And, 1746 01:12:46,085 --> 01:12:47,805 - And he's really doing a fine job. 1747 01:12:47,835 --> 01:12:49,405 He's doing a good job. He really is. Good job. He really 1748 01:12:49,405 --> 01:12:50,405 - Is. 1749 01:12:50,405 --> 01:12:50,965 Yes. Um, 1750 01:12:52,505 --> 01:12:56,405 but he, you know, his summer break started last week 1751 01:12:57,265 --> 01:13:00,005 and I've, you know, I expect him to be sleeping a lot. 1752 01:13:00,165 --> 01:13:01,525 I know he is working a little bit more. 1753 01:13:01,705 --> 01:13:03,405 He is, you know, chilling. I kind of, 1754 01:13:04,075 --> 01:13:08,085 because I'm awful at, you know, phone communication. 1755 01:13:08,085 --> 01:13:10,405 Mm-Hmm. , even with text, I sort of let him, 1756 01:13:11,465 --> 01:13:13,045 if I don't feel like I have something to say, 1757 01:13:13,105 --> 01:13:15,925 I'm not like constantly up his ass like, Hey, hey, hey. 1758 01:13:15,925 --> 01:13:17,245 Right. Like I let him reach out 1759 01:13:17,545 --> 01:13:19,165 or if there's something that I, you know, 1760 01:13:19,585 --> 01:13:20,645 it makes sense to send. 1761 01:13:21,625 --> 01:13:24,525 And I was doing something the other night. Was it Monday? 1762 01:13:25,505 --> 01:13:29,765 - Yes. - Yeah. It's like eight 30 at night. And he calls, 1763 01:13:29,955 --> 01:13:32,325 - Well first off to hear her phone ring at that hour 1764 01:13:32,325 --> 01:13:34,645 of the night, I was immediately on high alerts. 1765 01:13:34,645 --> 01:13:36,485 Like, right. Well what's going on? Well, because the, 1766 01:13:36,485 --> 01:13:38,765 - First of all, the only time you will hear my phone ring is 1767 01:13:38,865 --> 01:13:40,805 if it's one of the kids or if it's JB 1768 01:13:40,805 --> 01:13:42,245 because they're on emergency bypass. 1769 01:13:43,025 --> 01:13:46,325 My phone stays on silent unless I'm expecting a phone call. 1770 01:13:46,325 --> 01:13:47,645 Mm-Hmm. , if you hear it ring, 1771 01:13:47,795 --> 01:13:49,445 it's somebody I care deeply for. 1772 01:13:49,865 --> 01:13:53,445 So he calls I'm immediately in scared mom mode. 1773 01:13:53,605 --> 01:13:55,045 'cause I'm like, what is wrong? Yeah. 1774 01:13:55,385 --> 01:13:58,125 And so I sound anxious when I going, 1775 01:13:58,125 --> 01:13:59,165 but you need to sound calm. 1776 01:13:59,325 --> 01:14:01,325 'cause if it's an emergency, he's gonna need you to be calm. 1777 01:14:01,785 --> 01:14:04,085 And he is, he heard me sound so worried. 1778 01:14:04,105 --> 01:14:06,005 He was like, is it okay that I called? 1779 01:14:06,105 --> 01:14:08,285 I'm like, baby, you can call me anytime. 1780 01:14:09,025 --> 01:14:10,685 But we started talking and he was just, 1781 01:14:10,825 --> 01:14:12,405 he was just feeling lonely. 1782 01:14:12,745 --> 01:14:17,285 All of his friends who he doesn't room with, have gone off 1783 01:14:17,285 --> 01:14:18,765 for the summer to have adventures. 1784 01:14:19,185 --> 01:14:21,245 His roommates are not currently there. 1785 01:14:21,285 --> 01:14:22,965 I don't know for the whole summer what they're paying 1786 01:14:22,965 --> 01:14:24,085 for an apartment they're not living in. 1787 01:14:24,125 --> 01:14:25,805 I find that, I find that so strange, but whatever. 1788 01:14:26,985 --> 01:14:29,365 And he was just like, I'm just feeling kind of lonely. 1789 01:14:29,625 --> 01:14:32,805 And I went, well, why don't you come home for a few days? 1790 01:14:32,945 --> 01:14:35,645 He went and, and I can't remember what he said, 1791 01:14:35,645 --> 01:14:38,565 but the impression I got from it was, I can't. 1792 01:14:38,665 --> 01:14:40,965 I'm like, dude, you don't need a fucking reason. 1793 01:14:41,545 --> 01:14:43,605 That's still your room. I have not turned it in 1794 01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:45,245 to a sewing room yet. 1795 01:14:45,465 --> 01:14:47,805 And quite frankly, I'm just gonna take a corner of it 1796 01:14:47,805 --> 01:14:50,525 because we bought this house for the bedroom so 1797 01:14:50,525 --> 01:14:52,565 that the kids would always have at least a place 1798 01:14:52,565 --> 01:14:53,765 to lay their head if they needed it. 1799 01:14:53,835 --> 01:14:56,685 Yeah. So , I was like, yeah. 1800 01:14:57,045 --> 01:15:00,165 I said, do you, when do you want us to come get you? 1801 01:15:00,225 --> 01:15:03,005 He was like, Thursday after work, . 1802 01:15:03,125 --> 01:15:06,845 I was like, done, done and done. We'll be there. Yep. 1803 01:15:07,465 --> 01:15:09,525 And then at the end of the little trip. I know, right. 1804 01:15:09,625 --> 01:15:12,165 And then in the conversation he's like, thanks 1805 01:15:12,305 --> 01:15:13,605 for letting me call. 1806 01:15:13,745 --> 01:15:18,205 I'm like my child. Right. You're my child there. 1807 01:15:18,365 --> 01:15:21,045 I said, he or no, he said, thanks for answering. 1808 01:15:21,045 --> 01:15:23,965 When I called I said, baby, there is not gonna, 1809 01:15:24,145 --> 01:15:26,165 unless I physically cannot 1810 01:15:26,705 --> 01:15:28,405 you call, I'm picking up the fucking 1811 01:15:28,405 --> 01:15:29,405 - Phone. 1812 01:15:29,405 --> 01:15:30,405 Right. We know it's you, you know, 1813 01:15:30,405 --> 01:15:33,405 it's not like you're some unknown number that pops up and 1814 01:15:33,675 --> 01:15:34,675 - Yeah. 1815 01:15:34,675 --> 01:15:37,285 So Yeah. But yeah. So well, 1816 01:15:37,285 --> 01:15:38,405 - Yeah. He'll, he'll be home. 1817 01:15:38,825 --> 01:15:40,165 - He even, he actually even said, yeah, 1818 01:15:40,165 --> 01:15:41,325 I missed, I missed y'all. 1819 01:15:41,425 --> 01:15:43,925 And I, he sounded surprised 1820 01:15:44,745 --> 01:15:45,745 - To say that. 1821 01:15:45,745 --> 01:15:48,085 - Like, I, I thought I was a big boy now. . 1822 01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:49,445 Well, I was like, well you're, but 1823 01:15:49,605 --> 01:15:53,925 - I, I said to you, I said to you, you know, when, 1824 01:15:54,355 --> 01:15:57,565 when school was starting to wind down for him Mm-Hmm. 1825 01:15:57,605 --> 01:16:01,165 . I was like, I wonder how long it will take. 1826 01:16:01,385 --> 01:16:03,925 Mm-Hmm. because he is someone, 1827 01:16:04,105 --> 01:16:05,685 he likes to be around people. 1828 01:16:05,875 --> 01:16:07,965 - He's an extrovert - To the extreme and, 1829 01:16:08,065 --> 01:16:10,485 and he will talk your ear off. 1830 01:16:11,065 --> 01:16:12,925 - Oh yeah. Okay. He's a stream of consciousness 1831 01:16:12,955 --> 01:16:13,955 - Speaker. 1832 01:16:13,955 --> 01:16:16,725 Right. You know, he, he, he just, he, he flows he'll, 1833 01:16:16,945 --> 01:16:20,405 you know, the, the typical he'll start on one thing 1834 01:16:20,745 --> 01:16:22,525 and then it'll just go off on a tangent. 1835 01:16:22,585 --> 01:16:24,725 And then another tangent and then another tangent. He 1836 01:16:24,725 --> 01:16:25,645 - Has multiple trains of 1837 01:16:25,645 --> 01:16:26,565 thought. Yes. Much like his mother. 1838 01:16:26,845 --> 01:16:29,405 - I know. So - The difference is he was raised 1839 01:16:29,705 --> 01:16:31,045 to be allowed to do that. 1840 01:16:31,065 --> 01:16:33,165 No. Yes. We had to create signals when it was 1841 01:16:33,165 --> 01:16:34,445 just overload and we couldn't handle it. 1842 01:16:34,965 --> 01:16:38,405 I was raised to that it was not okay to be that way. 1843 01:16:39,265 --> 01:16:40,485 Um, and it's, 1844 01:16:40,515 --> 01:16:44,005 it's just the difference in him feeling like I can just walk 1845 01:16:44,025 --> 01:16:46,645 out into a room with my parental figures 1846 01:16:46,645 --> 01:16:48,285 and just tell them what I'm thinking. 1847 01:16:48,915 --> 01:16:50,845 Yeah. And he was like, I'm, I miss y'all. 1848 01:16:51,005 --> 01:16:52,725 I like being able to just come outta my room 1849 01:16:52,745 --> 01:16:54,445 and just tell you what's on my mind. 1850 01:16:55,875 --> 01:16:59,325 Like he goes, I know I'm a lot. And I'm like, oh, okay. 1851 01:16:59,395 --> 01:17:02,485 He's, he's gotten the messages not really from us. Yeah. 1852 01:17:02,585 --> 01:17:04,805 I'm like, you are fine. I can handle it. 1853 01:17:06,005 --> 01:17:08,045 I like hearing what's on your mind. Mm-Hmm. . 1854 01:17:08,405 --> 01:17:10,165 I also like when I do get a break from it, 1855 01:17:10,265 --> 01:17:11,285 I'm not gonna lie, . 1856 01:17:11,285 --> 01:17:12,285 Yeah. Yeah. But 1857 01:17:12,995 --> 01:17:13,995 - Yeah. 1858 01:17:13,995 --> 01:17:15,725 - But yeah, like he, - You know, yeah. 1859 01:17:15,985 --> 01:17:18,245 - He shares because he's nev we've never 1860 01:17:19,395 --> 01:17:20,805 made him feel like he couldn't. 1861 01:17:20,805 --> 01:17:22,245 Right. Like when he doesn't wanna share, 1862 01:17:22,245 --> 01:17:23,365 he won't. He just, oh yeah. 1863 01:17:23,365 --> 01:17:25,285 - He just won't. - And you can't push him 1864 01:17:25,305 --> 01:17:26,765 or force him or nothing close 1865 01:17:26,765 --> 01:17:27,765 - To the cuff. 1866 01:17:27,765 --> 01:17:29,685 - But I mean, I just, that was one of those things 1867 01:17:29,735 --> 01:17:34,725 where like, I don't, y'all know y'all have been listening 1868 01:17:34,725 --> 01:17:35,965 to this for however long. 1869 01:17:36,245 --> 01:17:39,285 I apologize when I talk too much sometimes I apologize 1870 01:17:39,465 --> 01:17:42,245 for having chaotic crazy train thoughts. 1871 01:17:42,245 --> 01:17:44,285 Right. Like, I, I probably don't 1872 01:17:44,285 --> 01:17:45,525 apologize enough quite frankly. 1873 01:17:46,265 --> 01:17:49,125 But like, I just, I was raised in that, 1874 01:17:49,395 --> 01:17:52,045 that this is unwanted and you don't do that 1875 01:17:52,225 --> 01:17:53,325 and nobody wants to hear you. 1876 01:17:53,545 --> 01:17:56,005 And so at the ripe old fucking age of 44, 1877 01:17:56,245 --> 01:17:59,405 I am still unlearning and I'm not, I'm not learning quickly. 1878 01:17:59,705 --> 01:18:01,925 I'm still very stunted in this how 1879 01:18:01,925 --> 01:18:04,645 to just say what's on my fucking mind to the point 1880 01:18:04,685 --> 01:18:06,325 that I don't know how to just send a random text 1881 01:18:06,325 --> 01:18:07,325 and tell you what's on my mind. 1882 01:18:07,325 --> 01:18:10,365 Because there has to be a purpose. There has to be a point. 1883 01:18:11,065 --> 01:18:13,645 And we did not raise the oldest either of them that way. 1884 01:18:13,715 --> 01:18:14,965 It's like, you don't have to have a point. 1885 01:18:14,965 --> 01:18:16,605 You gotta thought come share it. Right. 1886 01:18:16,785 --> 01:18:18,845 If we can't because there's something going on 1887 01:18:18,845 --> 01:18:20,885 or we can't focus right now, we're gonna let you know. 1888 01:18:20,885 --> 01:18:23,125 That was the, the thing we did. Mm-Hmm. 1889 01:18:23,285 --> 01:18:24,845 , you know, and legit 1890 01:18:24,905 --> 01:18:26,085 had the, like the timeouts. 1891 01:18:26,225 --> 01:18:29,445 Oh yeah. Um, 'cause who, when he was younger, 1892 01:18:30,345 --> 01:18:32,365 - He can get very intense when he Yeah. 1893 01:18:32,435 --> 01:18:33,645 - It's a lot. It's a lot. 1894 01:18:33,825 --> 01:18:37,005 - Excuse me. But no. So yeah. 1895 01:18:37,005 --> 01:18:38,925 Looking forward to having him come home 1896 01:18:39,505 --> 01:18:43,205 and um, I may end up putting him 1897 01:18:43,225 --> 01:18:44,605 to work a little bit Yeah. 1898 01:18:45,185 --> 01:18:46,645 - On some vanilla - Projects. Yep. 1899 01:18:48,095 --> 01:18:49,325 - Which not a bad thing. No. 1900 01:18:49,365 --> 01:18:50,965 I think at some point you need to go to him 1901 01:18:50,965 --> 01:18:52,285 and work on his bike, don't 1902 01:18:52,285 --> 01:18:53,285 - You? 1903 01:18:53,285 --> 01:18:55,805 Yes. Yeah. Yeah. 1904 01:18:55,965 --> 01:18:58,245 'cause he, he had asked me about that simple stuff. 1905 01:18:58,395 --> 01:19:01,285 It's uh, just tune up. Yeah. Kind of stuff. 1906 01:19:01,385 --> 01:19:03,885 But yeah, I've been waiting 1907 01:19:03,885 --> 01:19:06,405 to hear from him when he's ready to do it. Oh nah, 1908 01:19:06,645 --> 01:19:07,645 - I can't do that. 1909 01:19:07,645 --> 01:19:09,165 . I gotta nudge. 1910 01:19:09,515 --> 01:19:13,885 - I'll, I'll I'll ask him when he is this weekend. 1911 01:19:14,205 --> 01:19:19,165 'cause um, I, uh, as you noticed, 1912 01:19:19,525 --> 01:19:20,805 'cause I saw you moved all the stuff. 1913 01:19:21,005 --> 01:19:25,205 I, uh, went through an old toolbox. Yes. 1914 01:19:25,205 --> 01:19:26,725 That was sitting in the back corner. , 1915 01:19:26,745 --> 01:19:28,205 - You went through an old toolbox 1916 01:19:28,425 --> 01:19:31,485 and placed all the bits in my workspace 1917 01:19:31,735 --> 01:19:33,085 where I pour resin . 1918 01:19:33,085 --> 01:19:35,405 And I went, well that's inconvenient that, 1919 01:19:35,425 --> 01:19:39,885 so I moved all the bits to his workspace where he glues wood 1920 01:19:40,285 --> 01:19:44,965 - - Does the stuff have a new home 1921 01:19:45,115 --> 01:19:47,165 that is not in our workspace. 1922 01:19:47,345 --> 01:19:49,405 - Oh yeah. I found everything a home today. Okay. 1923 01:19:49,405 --> 01:19:51,685 - Good. - found everything, everything found a home 1924 01:19:52,145 --> 01:19:55,925 and, and you know, you all the stuff that was there, 1925 01:19:56,085 --> 01:19:57,365 that was the stuff I was keeping. 1926 01:19:57,625 --> 01:19:59,085 Should have seen all the stuff I threw 1927 01:19:59,085 --> 01:20:00,085 - Out. 1928 01:20:00,085 --> 01:20:02,125 I saw what it looked like with the trash down at the curb 1929 01:20:02,265 --> 01:20:03,605 and everything that was down there. 1930 01:20:03,835 --> 01:20:06,405 Yeah. That's, and then I looked at the back of the garage 1931 01:20:06,505 --> 01:20:09,125 and saw that it, it was organized. 1932 01:20:09,525 --> 01:20:11,165 I went Wow. Okay. 1933 01:20:11,315 --> 01:20:14,725 - Yeah. When did you do - That? Like when 1934 01:20:16,865 --> 01:20:17,965 - I'm magic - . 1935 01:20:17,985 --> 01:20:20,685 You're something, you're something 1936 01:20:22,535 --> 01:20:23,535 - Magic. 1937 01:20:24,665 --> 01:20:28,925 So, well, you know, it's, it's kind of been 1938 01:20:29,555 --> 01:20:32,965 nice because I have been able to, 1939 01:20:33,305 --> 01:20:35,725 to split my days lately. 1940 01:20:35,905 --> 01:20:37,925 Mm-Hmm. , you know, between working 1941 01:20:37,985 --> 01:20:39,005 on Ry stuff. 1942 01:20:39,005 --> 01:20:43,565 Mm-Hmm. . Um, I have been doing more, um, 1943 01:20:46,375 --> 01:20:47,605 stuff with the wood dom. 1944 01:20:47,755 --> 01:20:49,365 - Your vanilla stuff. - Yeah. My, yeah. 1945 01:20:49,365 --> 01:20:50,485 Mm-Hmm. . And, uh, 1946 01:20:50,805 --> 01:20:52,845 - I know I just added new listings to your et et shop 1947 01:20:52,845 --> 01:20:53,565 - Today. You did. You did. 1948 01:20:53,565 --> 01:20:56,765 - Because we figured out a system that was, 1949 01:20:56,795 --> 01:20:57,845 that was delightful. 1950 01:20:57,845 --> 01:21:00,565 Right. Other than I was critiquing his photography skills 1951 01:21:00,985 --> 01:21:03,525 and his, um, file naming skills. 1952 01:21:03,885 --> 01:21:07,285 I had to tease him like he hasn't had to do this kind 1953 01:21:07,285 --> 01:21:09,925 of stuff in so long and we have to work out the, 1954 01:21:09,925 --> 01:21:12,045 pardon the expression, work out the kinks of it. 1955 01:21:12,045 --> 01:21:14,525 Yeah. But the part I've always struggled with 1956 01:21:14,625 --> 01:21:19,405 of getting like products added somehow it's Etsy. 1957 01:21:19,515 --> 01:21:21,845 It's not products added to the ry. 1958 01:21:21,915 --> 01:21:24,245 I'll do that shit all day long. I got a system for that. 1959 01:21:24,555 --> 01:21:27,325 Something about Etsy photos. I don't know why. 1960 01:21:27,915 --> 01:21:29,365 I've always struggled with the taking of them 1961 01:21:29,385 --> 01:21:30,645 and they have to be taken Yeah. 1962 01:21:30,665 --> 01:21:32,565 And edited before you can do the listing. 1963 01:21:32,585 --> 01:21:35,405 And I said, look, and then there's all this information on 1964 01:21:35,405 --> 01:21:36,845 his like pens and bowls. 1965 01:21:36,865 --> 01:21:38,045 I'm like, I don't know this information. 1966 01:21:38,045 --> 01:21:40,005 You have to give it to me. So we 1967 01:21:40,415 --> 01:21:41,645 we're dividing and conquering. 1968 01:21:41,645 --> 01:21:43,165 Right. He's taking all of the pictures 1969 01:21:43,165 --> 01:21:45,485 and he's given me a spreadsheet with all the details 1970 01:21:45,485 --> 01:21:48,605 of each item, including the price, which I sometimes bump up 1971 01:21:48,765 --> 01:21:49,525 'cause I'm like, no, you're 1972 01:21:49,525 --> 01:21:50,885 shortchanging yourself again, . 1973 01:21:50,945 --> 01:21:53,365 Um, also we like to offer free shipping 1974 01:21:53,825 --> 01:21:56,685 and there's an easy way just price everything $35 and above. 1975 01:21:57,305 --> 01:21:59,445 And then I take the information 1976 01:21:59,585 --> 01:22:03,765 and I got seven listings added in. 1977 01:22:03,765 --> 01:22:06,325 Like, it was technically like two hours. Yeah. 1978 01:22:06,325 --> 01:22:08,005 Across the morning. Yep. It was 1979 01:22:08,005 --> 01:22:09,565 - Delightful because it was, it was, it, 1980 01:22:09,585 --> 01:22:11,165 it was wonderful for me too. 1981 01:22:11,825 --> 01:22:13,645 Um, basically created a spreadsheet 1982 01:22:13,985 --> 01:22:15,725 and Google Docs shared it with you 1983 01:22:16,465 --> 01:22:19,005 and, uh, just started lining out all the data 1984 01:22:19,745 --> 01:22:23,925 and was able to upload the photos 1985 01:22:24,145 --> 01:22:27,205 to a fo folder and link them into the 1986 01:22:27,205 --> 01:22:28,645 spreadsheet. So you went right to the 1987 01:22:28,785 --> 01:22:29,785 - It was delightful. 1988 01:22:29,785 --> 01:22:30,445 It was so organized. Yeah. 1989 01:22:30,445 --> 01:22:33,725 Uh, only thing I did was add a column with check boxes. 1990 01:22:33,725 --> 01:22:35,165 Mm-Hmm. so I could check off it. 1991 01:22:35,165 --> 01:22:36,965 That was, that was satisfying. 1992 01:22:36,965 --> 01:22:38,405 I'm like, lemme just check this one up 1993 01:22:38,665 --> 01:22:39,665 - And see. 1994 01:22:39,665 --> 01:22:40,525 I was just gonna tell you, you know, just 1995 01:22:40,905 --> 01:22:42,125 as you finish, just through 1996 01:22:42,125 --> 01:22:43,125 - Strike through. 1997 01:22:43,125 --> 01:22:44,165 Yeah. Now I, I want, I wanted 1998 01:22:44,165 --> 01:22:45,165 - To checkbox, but that's cool. 1999 01:22:45,165 --> 01:22:48,165 I I like the check, check boxes are cool. Okay. Fucking 2000 01:22:48,165 --> 01:22:49,165 - Love the checkbox. 2001 01:22:49,165 --> 01:22:50,885 Checkbox. And then I just had to highlight the one 2002 01:22:50,885 --> 01:22:55,125 where I was like, this is not The, 2003 01:22:55,185 --> 01:22:57,805 the pictures you've given me are not the product. 2004 01:22:58,075 --> 01:23:00,645 What is happening here. Yeah. It was, it was fun. 2005 01:23:00,725 --> 01:23:02,405 I mean it was, it was like a good workday. 2006 01:23:02,525 --> 01:23:04,205 I worked on my vanilla Etsy shop. 2007 01:23:04,465 --> 01:23:06,405 Not anything visible where others can see I was doing 2008 01:23:06,405 --> 01:23:08,725 background stuff, but like, I've got some, 2009 01:23:08,905 --> 01:23:10,485 I'm gonna do apparel over there. 2010 01:23:10,685 --> 01:23:13,645 I might do other things. I'm working on those designs. 2011 01:23:13,705 --> 01:23:17,125 Mm-Hmm. . Um, I convinced you to let me, uh, 2012 01:23:17,785 --> 01:23:21,645 pay for an online design thing. 2013 01:23:21,825 --> 01:23:23,965 Mm-Hmm. . So maybe I can get some cool designs 2014 01:23:24,185 --> 01:23:26,325 for loving BDSM two mm-Hmm. 2015 01:23:26,365 --> 01:23:28,685 . That is a thing where I have 2016 01:23:28,705 --> 01:23:32,685 to pervert vanilla designs to make it work. 2017 01:23:33,425 --> 01:23:36,685 Um, and I'm not quite creative enough 2018 01:23:36,705 --> 01:23:37,805 to just look at the thing and go, 2019 01:23:37,805 --> 01:23:38,885 oh, I know how to kink that up. 2020 01:23:38,885 --> 01:23:40,325 Mm-Hmm. . I'm working 2021 01:23:40,345 --> 01:23:41,365 on it though. Yeah. , 2022 01:23:42,025 --> 01:23:43,025 - I'm sure you'll figure it out. 2023 01:23:43,045 --> 01:23:44,205 I have, I have faith in you. 2024 01:23:45,485 --> 01:23:48,525 - I mean, perverting things is just a time honored 2025 01:23:48,525 --> 01:23:50,045 tradition in kink . 2026 01:23:51,865 --> 01:23:53,565 The weirdest thing is when I take a kink 2027 01:23:53,565 --> 01:23:54,765 think and, and make it vanilla. 2028 01:23:54,875 --> 01:23:57,685 Like is that un perverting it? I don't know. 2029 01:23:57,725 --> 01:24:00,365 I don't know what that's called . But Yeah. 2030 01:24:00,985 --> 01:24:05,005 So we, lord, we, 2031 01:24:05,635 --> 01:24:06,725 it's the end of our day. 2032 01:24:06,755 --> 01:24:09,165 Yeah. But we, I think we also don't feel the pressure of, 2033 01:24:09,265 --> 01:24:10,645 oh, we have all these things to do now. 2034 01:24:10,645 --> 01:24:12,045 We're like, ah, we could just sit here. 2035 01:24:12,155 --> 01:24:15,445 Just, we're just here now. , you're not gonna let me. 2036 01:24:15,785 --> 01:24:18,205 - No. 'cause I got things to do. Yeah. 2037 01:24:18,225 --> 01:24:20,085 - But what's not like a half days worth 2038 01:24:20,085 --> 01:24:21,205 of work, things to do. 2039 01:24:21,205 --> 01:24:25,205 Yeah, I know. And I was mostly efficient. 2040 01:24:25,245 --> 01:24:27,485 I made sure the dishes were in the dishwasher 2041 01:24:27,485 --> 01:24:28,805 before we came in here. 2042 01:24:29,035 --> 01:24:30,035 Yeah. 2043 01:24:30,795 --> 01:24:32,165 - Good job girl. Thank 2044 01:24:32,165 --> 01:24:33,165 - You Daddy. 2045 01:24:33,165 --> 01:24:34,245 Thank you for cooking dinner. You're welcome. 2046 01:24:34,345 --> 01:24:38,485 He made pasta with his sauce. Yep. It's delicious. Mm-Hmm. 2047 01:24:38,525 --> 01:24:41,125 . Uh, okay. I have to . 2048 01:24:42,635 --> 01:24:47,485 - I've - So poor. I feel, look, I can tell how tired JB is. 2049 01:24:47,805 --> 01:24:49,845 I can tell how much he's trying 2050 01:24:49,845 --> 01:24:52,485 to do at once when he gets scattered. 2051 01:24:52,875 --> 01:24:56,685 That is, I am the scatter brain when not jb Right. 2052 01:24:56,875 --> 01:24:58,045 - Yeah. It's bad when I guess 2053 01:24:58,405 --> 01:24:59,405 - . 2054 01:24:59,405 --> 01:25:02,125 So he started his tomato sauce this morning, 2055 01:25:02,505 --> 01:25:03,605 cooked all day long. 2056 01:25:03,925 --> 01:25:07,405 I watched him chop up the veggies that needed chopping 2057 01:25:07,405 --> 01:25:09,085 to go in at peppers and onions. 2058 01:25:10,005 --> 01:25:11,525 I knew that we had bought mushrooms. 2059 01:25:11,765 --> 01:25:12,765 - Mushrooms, yeah. - Pre-sliced. 2060 01:25:12,795 --> 01:25:13,925 Just to make life a little easier. 2061 01:25:14,785 --> 01:25:17,485 And I didn't, I wasn't paying that close 2062 01:25:17,485 --> 01:25:18,965 of attention when he was putting all the 2063 01:25:18,965 --> 01:25:20,365 ingredients into the pot. 2064 01:25:20,985 --> 01:25:23,685 But I was like, oh, I'm sure he is. Got the mushrooms. 2065 01:25:23,685 --> 01:25:26,925 Like no big deal. We are 20 minutes away from 2066 01:25:27,555 --> 01:25:29,605 like cooking the actual noodles. 2067 01:25:30,145 --> 01:25:32,925 And he goes, I said, I can't remember how you, 2068 01:25:33,285 --> 01:25:35,045 I I remember you going, oh shit. 2069 01:25:35,475 --> 01:25:38,765 - Yeah. - He realizes he never put the mushrooms in 2070 01:25:40,145 --> 01:25:42,725 20 minutes before we're going to eat. 2071 01:25:42,875 --> 01:25:45,605 He's like, fuck it. And dumps all of the mushrooms. 2072 01:25:45,625 --> 01:25:46,685 Not, not half. 2073 01:25:46,795 --> 01:25:48,885 Like I thought we were gonna split the container mushrooms. 2074 01:25:48,925 --> 01:25:51,165 'cause what I'm cooking tomorrow night would go 2075 01:25:51,165 --> 01:25:52,565 really well with mushrooms. 2076 01:25:53,345 --> 01:25:55,325 He just dumps all of 'em and stirs 'em up 2077 01:25:55,325 --> 01:25:56,485 and goes, that'll have to do 2078 01:25:57,125 --> 01:25:58,125 - . 2079 01:25:58,125 --> 01:26:00,765 - Thankfully we both like mushrooms. 2080 01:26:01,105 --> 01:26:03,485 - Oh yeah. Raw - Or cooked doesn't fucking matter. 2081 01:26:03,745 --> 01:26:06,165 But I was like, well I think it's a little, what are you, 2082 01:26:06,265 --> 01:26:07,325 uh, okay. 2083 01:26:07,925 --> 01:26:10,525 - . - She was flabbergasted. 2084 01:26:10,905 --> 01:26:14,405 - And then I, I was two seconds too late so I was like, oh, 2085 01:26:14,405 --> 01:26:15,965 don't worry about dumping all of it. 2086 01:26:16,195 --> 01:26:18,565 Just do half. I'll use the other half tomorrow. 2087 01:26:19,465 --> 01:26:22,245 - She was too late. Too late. She was not quick enough man. 2088 01:26:22,245 --> 01:26:24,525 Because I ripped that plastic off and just dumped 2089 01:26:25,645 --> 01:26:26,645 - . 2090 01:26:27,585 --> 01:26:28,685 - So, - And, 2091 01:26:28,705 --> 01:26:31,405 and you know, te you don't have a cut outta me, 2092 01:26:31,405 --> 01:26:33,125 but we can put Sir Richard in the chair. 2093 01:26:34,725 --> 01:26:37,925 - I would rather speak with you than as, as delightful 2094 01:26:38,025 --> 01:26:40,725 as Sir Richard is, than a 2095 01:26:41,485 --> 01:26:44,165 gigantic purple penis . 2096 01:26:45,025 --> 01:26:46,245 So Richard is delightful, 2097 01:26:46,665 --> 01:26:51,085 but I feel like my banter with you 2098 01:26:51,665 --> 01:26:53,045 is just gonna be better. 2099 01:26:54,145 --> 01:26:55,145 - I'm - Kidding. So 2100 01:26:56,305 --> 01:26:59,365 - I'm just, so, - Anyway, 2101 01:26:59,365 --> 01:27:01,245 - Alright, - Let's wrap it up. 2102 01:27:01,675 --> 01:27:05,965 - Will we get better at this streaming later in the evening? 2103 01:27:06,365 --> 01:27:08,445 I don't know. I don't know so far. 2104 01:27:08,445 --> 01:27:10,165 - Just have, just have to stick around and see. 2105 01:27:10,845 --> 01:27:13,685 - I I think a little bit of it is, I am used 2106 01:27:13,685 --> 01:27:16,165 to keeping my mind to the best of my ability. 2107 01:27:16,425 --> 01:27:17,805 Fairly clear in the morning. 2108 01:27:18,165 --> 01:27:19,845 'cause I'm focused on what we're gonna talk about. 2109 01:27:20,505 --> 01:27:24,005 And today I had a whole day's worth of shit in my head. 2110 01:27:24,285 --> 01:27:26,965 . We, we might have to work on that. Yeah. 2111 01:27:26,985 --> 01:27:31,885 But, so anyway, um, yeah, thanks for, thanks 2112 01:27:31,885 --> 01:27:34,405 for being here, especially to the bitter, bitter end. 2113 01:27:34,455 --> 01:27:35,565 - Right. Thanks 2114 01:27:35,865 --> 01:27:38,885 - For, um, either putting up with the chaos 2115 01:27:39,105 --> 01:27:40,885 or enjoying it, whichever one you are. 2116 01:27:41,205 --> 01:27:44,765 . Yeah. 2117 01:27:45,715 --> 01:27:47,325 Yeah. Um, yeah. 2118 01:27:48,005 --> 01:27:50,645 - . - Yeah. I got nothing else. Okay. 2119 01:27:50,885 --> 01:27:53,605 - I guess we'll go. Thanks for joining us. Bye. 2120 01:27:53,905 --> 01:27:54,125 - Bye.