- You are listening to the Living BDSM podcast,
episode 3 94.
Okay. Lord's here with the one, the only, the
I still can't decide what to say about you,
and you're never caffeinated enough.
I know you're tired. You're my grumpy polar bear daddy,
and I love you, John Brownstone.
That's all I got. That's all I got.
- . Good. Good.
Then I'm, I'm, I'm doing my
job 'cause I'm keeping you guessing. I've
- Said it all.
I've said all there is to say about you. That's it. Okay.
We're done here. Okay.
- Bye. - No.
This week, uh, we're answering relationship
with questions again and from therapy, Jeff, again.
We did that. Uh, the last time we did a therapy, Jeff.
One was, I think a couple of question ones ago.
And these are the warm and fuzzy kind according
- To - Therapy, Jeff.
Um, so either we're gonna come across as ridiculously,
grossly cute, or we're gonna be the goofballs we are.
And forget that this is supposed
to make anybody warm and fuzzy.
. May the odds be
- Ever in our favor.
Now I'm warm, but I don't know if I'm very fuzzy. I
- Shaved yesterday, so I'm less fuzzy than usual.
So, you know, there's that
- , - Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast.
If this is your first time listening, glad to have you.
And yeah, it's like this all the time.
If you're back for another week, welcome back.
Loving BDSM is produced every Monday
and Friday for your kinky pleasure and education.
And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add the podcast
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So at Loving DS one,
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Stream the podcast every Wednesday.
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Big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon,
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We're able to keep doing this weird ass thing on the
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And we are so fucking grateful to every,
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You can do that. Join us at patreon.com/kayla lords.
That's patreon.com/kayla lords.
Or use the link in the show notes. Okay.
Before we get into the questions we're gonna answer,
we do have an announcement.
Yes. I have to adjust my seat
'cause I felt like I was like sliding down
and it is like a legit announcement.
Announcement. Um, this is one of those times where I hope,
uh, if you are a person who does other things
in the background, like you give us like a little bit
of your attention and then you can go back
to having us be background noise.
Um, starting next week, May 8th,
I double checked the calendar so I could get the day right.
Um, we are gonna be changing the time of day we livestream.
So podcast listeners, you will not feel any effect.
Your podcast episode will come out
on Fridays, as it always does.
Um, for anybody who watches the video instead
of the livestream, you will be delayed.
But livestream folks will absolutely be impacted by this.
Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . So
for the past few years, we've been live streaming midday
through the summer in this room, in this office
that gets very, very hot in the middle of the day.
And, uh, we've just decided
we don't want to do that anymore.
. Yeah. So we're
definitely doing this for the summer.
We do not know if it will continue beyond the summer.
It's starting next week. May 8th,
we will start live streaming at 7:00 PM Eastern.
Yes. We know that that means there will be some people
who cannot attend probably because of time zone, probably
because of work, probably because of kids.
And we are, we are very sorry for that.
We don't want to have anybody miss an opportunity
that they would like to have.
But also we would like to stop being nauseous
while we're live streaming.
So, um, and that was a time that worked
with our personal schedule.
Yeah. It wasn't too late at night for us. And just, yeah.
So next week, 7:00 PM Eastern will, I probably forget
how all of this works because we will have changed the time.
Yes. Yep. Yes. It will be, it will be, um, probably wild.
Um, certainly chaotic. Um, if we enjoy it, we have,
we haven't discussed it like fully,
but I think we're both sort of open to the idea.
If we like that change, we may keep it. Keep it. Yeah.
If we, um, are like me kinda like, give
or take, we might switch back once the weather cools.
What you have to understand is, this is Florida.
The weather doesn't actually really cool down
until late October.
Sometimes as late as mid-November. November .
So our summers last about six months .
- So, - Um, yeah. Yeah.
So the video playback will always
be available on the live stream.
You know, the Friday podcast episode, that's,
that's none of that's changing.
You know, it might mean that maybe you get
to watch the live stream when you couldn't before.
Um, we will miss anybody who, you know,
their schedule just doesn't allow for it.
Um, but yeah, it's, we just didn't want to,
we didn't wanna do another summer No.
- Of this. Um, you know, you, you gotta understand Yeah.
The, this, this room, the office that we use, um,
from morning till probably about two,
three o'clock in the afternoon, uh,
this room gets full sun. Yeah,
- It does.
- Um, then you bring in the fact we have, uh, three
computers running at any given time in here.
And then you throw in the lights for their,
you know, and, and everything.
And it, uh, brings up the ambient temperature in here.
- Yep. So,
and with last summer was record temps like most
of the world Yeah.
Experienced. Uh,
I don't see why this summer will be any different.
We're just, we're just moving it. Yeah.
Um, so yeah, that's the thing.
I will try to put out as many reminders in all other places
that I communicate with people as possible.
Um, so that, you know, folks who want to
watch the stream have like, just reminders.
I don't expect you to remember
a thing just 'cause we said it once.
Like, that's just not how the world works. So, um, yeah.
That, that was the announcement that
we are keeping our Friday night
monthly virtual mu thing the same.
Mm-Hmm. . Um, we are on YouTube getting closer
to 10,000 followers.
Our arbitrary goal there will be a special live stream for
that when that occurs.
Um, so yeah. That, that is the announcement.
Mm-Hmm. , we are shifting the time
of our live streams on Wednesdays.
Um, now it's time when JB gets back to his seat
to answer the questions.
Um, so we've done relationship questions several times over
since I discovered the this was a thing that I could,
you know, use for my own content.
Um, and we are back to, uh, taking questions
that therapy Jeff posed on the internet.
Now therapy, Jeff is probably huge on TikTok.
I know him from Instagram 'cause that's where I frequent.
Um, but apparently he's also got a podcast,
which I kind wanna like check out, check out
because I love how he gives advice
and I agree with much of it.
I mean, some of it's applicable to Sters
and some of it's like me.
Nah. Um, but like his sense of humor is kind of interesting
to me, apparently also as a Patreon where he does even more.
But I'm a broke ass bitch, so
I'll just stick to the free stuff.
Um, and actually it's funny, I was, I'd saved the reel.
I've linked the reel for anybody who wants to watch it
and go check him out on Instagram.
Um, and I was copying down the questions that he posed
and saw that like within the past 24 hours of doing that
and going, writing
these questions is what we're gonna answer.
He had just posted a thing of like, some number
of spicy questions to ask your partner.
And I'm not in a spicy frame of mind today, so I went, no,
no, we're gonna go with warm and fuzzy.
Mm-Hmm. Uh, I think JB and I could use warm and fuzzy.
We've had to be very, um, goal oriented
and very serious and very like problem solving mode.
And there's not been a lot of warm and fuzzy. Yeah.
Uh, except when I get the zoomies at night when we're
trying to go to sleep .
And then it's not warm fuzzy. It's silly and goofy.
Uh, I made my laugh myself, laugh at myself so hard.
I cried last night and I think I made JB question all
of his decisions, uh,
upon meeting me every single one .
Um, so we could use some warm and fuzzy,
but maybe when we do this again in the future, we'll do some
- Spicy ones. Do the spicy ones.
- Right. So these are supposed to make us feel good.
These are not supposed to be like too dang serious.
My, uh, thing for anybody watching, if you're like, okay,
how am I supposed to like, apply this to my life?
Feel free to do these exercises with a partner
that you've got that you're like, yeah,
let's, let's have some fun.
Um, and he does that pretty frequently in his content.
Like if you go through and scroll,
there's all kinds of questions.
He's like, you should ask each other these questions.
So it's kind of fun. Okay.
So we're going
to get into it.
The first question is kind of a, for each
of us individually, but I think we can answer it together.
When did you realize you'd fallen for each other?
So when did you know you had fallen for me?
I was your person or one of your people?
- I think for me it was pretty much just prior
to our first time meeting in person.
- Oh. Did something specific happen or you just like
- It came to you?
No, it was just, it just kind of, yeah. Yeah.
And, um, I remember thinking that, you know,
I I was looking forward to the visit
because I was hoping that you were everything
that I thought you were.
- Yeah. I mean, it's hard when you're, yeah.
Even though we were physically
speaking, we were talking on the phone.
Mm-Hmm. . It wasn't just text and email. Yeah.
It's hard to know. Yeah. It's hard to know.
I've talked about this, um,
a few times in the past, I'll say it again here.
The real time I understood,
I think I couldn't have really elaborated
or explained it well, but I understood on a gut level
was it was obviously before we met in person.
Mm-Hmm. . And it was
before I admitted it out loud.
So I actually have two times to say,
the first time I really, really realized it was when you
and I were having a conversation,
our power exchange was platonic and friendly.
Mm-Hmm. . It was very minimal.
We, but we were talking all the time
and I was still even like,
casually like going out with people.
Like not in, I didn't, wasn't in anything serious.
I didn't want anything serious. Mm-Hmm. .
So you knew I was seeing other people
and having hookups, which I could, I could then come back
and go, oh my God, let me tell you
what I just did in the backseat of that car.
Uh, it was bad. I, that was a rental car.
I should be ashamed of myself, .
But we could talk about stuff like that. And we did. Mm-Hmm.
. And you and I started talking about,
you know, if I met somebody that I, you know, wanted
to be in a long-term relationship with
and they were my dominant, and you're all like, well,
another dom is probably not gonna like you being friends
with me, a dom now, now I would go, that's toxic as fuck.
That's not Mm-Hmm. . I would, I don't wanna be
in a relationship with that type of person.
But at the time, that made total sense to me based on
what I understood.
Mm-Hmm. , certainly heterosexual
male dom, female sub power exchange to look
- Like.
And, and, and for me, having been being predominantly
exposed to high protocol Mm-Hmm. .
- Mm-Hmm. . We,
we absolutely categorically reject it now.
But actually having that conversation was a very good thing.
Because the moment I had to think about some nameless,
faceless man that I hadn't met yet,
telling me I couldn't be friends with, he was not known
as John Brownstone at the time,
but John Brownstone, I went, oh,
that's not acceptable , I'm not okay with that.
I got mad. So I think that was when in my head I went,
yeah, this is something.
Then when I admitted it was right
before we visited, we vis,
we physically met one another in March,
like mid to late March.
Mm-Hmm. . But in February, Valentine's Day
you sent me a gift.
Yeah. Also, in between I think Valentine's Day
and meeting I had, like,
I had something good happen to me at work.
I can't remember what it was. You sent me
flowers to congratulate me.
Mm-Hmm. and I, I mean, was not used
to that kind of treatment.
I was like, oh my God. The person I shared an office
with was so happy for me.
But I kept saying out loud, yeah,
but I don't, I don't know if this is anything I don't know.
And she looked at me, she was very no nonsense.
She looked at me and she was like, she said,
do you pay attention to yourself?
The man just sent you flowers twice
and you are beaming over there.
Who are you fooling thinking this isn't anything?
She was like, imagine he was not part of your life.
And my, apparently my face crumpled .
And I went, no, I don't wanna imagine that.
And she said, I think you have your answer.
She is, she is from the UK
and she's very like, proper sounding British.
Mm-Hmm. . And I was enamored with her accent.
Um, and it just like struck me
and I was like, okay, I'm, I'm living in a little bit
of denial here 'cause I didn't wanna
get my heart broken again.
And I, it was easier to kind of like,
pretend there was a distance there.
Definitely, definitely was not .
Um, so yeah, I get, I get to have two moments in my,
in my mind that are very clear.
- All right. All - Right. Okay. So next question.
Beyond my appearance, .
And I don't think that was a draw,
but whatever, uh, what really caught your eye about me,
- Um, - In the beginning.
- Well, - And, and does it count? 'cause we met online.
Yeah. We didn't know anything physical about one of those.
It was all mental. But then we did get to like Mm-Hmm.
physically meet. So pick whichever one.
- So I mean, for me, I'm, I'm what caught my eye
about you, uh, early on.
You, uh, you understood my sense of humor.
- Well, I was gonna say what caught my eye
was your sense of humor.
See, you were fucking hilarious. . You were so funny.
You're so funny. Apparently dad jokes will get
you into my pants.
But once you're there, then
I'm like, oh God, stop with the jacket.
. They worked once.
They're not allowed to work again. .
I mean, that's not fair, but still. Yeah.
'cause we met through our blogs
and it was at about the holidays.
Like it was December, I guess.
And you were posting a naughty slash kinky elf on a
shelf photo series.
Yes. It was delightful.
It was, I mean,
I thankfully skipped the elf on the shelf
stuff with my kids.
So fucking grateful. And I knew immediately upon seeing Elf
on the shelf that I was grateful for that.
But seeing it done in an adult manner,
in a very tongue in cheek, like, yeah, I know
what I'm doing kind of way.
It was delightful. .
But I only saw that
because you commented on my blog
where I was bleeding all over the screen.
I was in such heartbreak.
Um, and
that was back in the day when there was somebody commented.
I went to see, well, what are,
who are you and what are you doing?
Yeah. And I, I got to see your blog.
And I was like, and we just started talking. Mm-Hmm.
. But yeah, your, your sense
of humor was the first thing.
The second thing, 'cause it, it is,
goes hand in hand really?
'cause it was all part and parcel of Mm-Hmm.
, our first few interactions was
how kind you are.
Like that's the thing that still strikes me is
I'm a raging bitch.
Is it mostly in my head
because I'm a people pleaser who has real,
real bad issues about conflict.
Yeah. But in my head, I'm a bitch from hell.
I think most people would not like me very much.
JB is legitimately, genuinely kind.
Now can he have strong opinions
and think that somebody's an asshole?
Of course. But if you get to a point
where you've made John fucking brownstone think you're a
douche canoe honey, you need to reevaluate your life
because the nice human being on the planet
thinks you're shit.
Okay. Like, you can't beat you will never be
right in that scenario.
like, I still remember back in the day
before I corrupted him, how rare it was
for him to say, fuck.
Okay. Like, you knew he was super mad if he said,
fuck, I've corrupted him.
That's less of an issue.
But yeah, your kindness has always been to me.
Like, like it's a, it's a little intimidating.
'cause I know I'm a bit al. Uh, but yeah.
So you were funny and then you were kind like,
you didn't try and hit on me.
I don't even, I'd have to go back
and look at the old post where you started commenting,
but I remember your comments being thoughtful and kind.
Mm-Hmm. Then our interactions off of
that when I'm, I was the one
that reached out, which was weird.
Never do that again. But I'm glad it worked out.
Um, you know, you were just always you.
'cause there's not, there's nice and there's kind, right.
Like you're a nice person,
but you actually back up being nice with kindness.
'cause nice is like, you're, you're the persona. Right.
You say the, the polite things you and you do, you know,
but you back it up with kindness.
You will be there for somebody.
You will genuinely listen to them.
You will, you know, validate their feelings.
You, you know, you will like, I don't know.
I don't know how a cresty old bitch like me. Gotcha.
But grateful for, I guess there just has
to be balanced in the universe.
near my balance. I dunno.
- That's pretty extreme. If I'm your balanced kid,
- Boy.
I know. Right?
- Okay. Wow. - Uh, let's see.
Next, uh, one, what do you think some
of my greatest strengths are?
- Um, - Oh no, I'm sorry. You don't have to lie. .
It's okay.
- Actually. Uh, I'm seeing that question.
The, the, the first thing I came up with was how, um,
you make you, you, you, you bolster me.
Mm. Okay.
You're, you're always there in my corner, you know, rooting
for me, tearing me on.
- I'll cut a bitch for you. Don't worry.
probably go to jail for you. Just saying,
- I mean, you know, establish dominance quickly.
, um, I don't have, you know Yeah.
Money to bail you out. I'm sorry. No,
- God no.
I'm, I'm screwed. Okay.
, I just, you might wanna start a GoFundMe. Okay.
. I'm just saying, you know, I am genuinely
offended that you have not had enough people in your life
that like backed you up and were your personal cheerleader.
You're too fucking nice for that kind,
I should say upper for kind.
And see, to me, one of your greatest
strengths is your kindness.
People will work with you and talk to you
and offer information and, and advice
and like, want to help you.
Why? Because you, you're a good guy.
Like you, you know, even though I know
that you're dying on the inside
because a random stranger decided your face was the face,
they were gonna tell their whole life story to .
You will listen to them and you'll engage with them.
And you'll be like, and they like,
feel like they've made a connection to you.
You'll come inside and go, oh my fucking God.
But, you know, and next thing you know, we've got neighbors
who are like, how's John doing?
I, so I'm wearing his, his back brace again.
As I'm like, first of all,
I don't even know your fucking name.
I know all about your house.
And if you've got a dog, I'm
probably on a first name basis. But
- .
- But you know, like that, to me, that is one
of your strengths.
You are in a quiet way. I'm the loud version of this.
You are the very quiet version of this.
You are very tenacious.
If you decide you can do a thing
or you're willing to try to do a thing,
you get it in your teeth and you don't let go.
I'm similar. We're very similar in that way.
But I am chaotic and loud and brash. And I'm there.
I'm dropping some f-bombs 'cause I'm frustrated. Yeah.
And it's gonna be messy. You just quiet quietly go.
That's true. I go the fuck about doing
- Shit and get, get done.
I just, I I just kind of like, you know,
quietly go off in my corner and
- You next, you know, you're like, here's my masterpiece.
I'm working on and I'm over here
with dried tears in my face.
85 post-It notes 33 tabs open per browser.
And I'm like, got half a project to show for it.
But you know, we, we each get there in
- Our own way. Right? Yeah.
- But yeah, you just, I don't know, like,
you don't have a greatest strength.
You have lots of like damn good strengths.
I love you. I love, I'm saying . Okay.
What is your favorite thing for us to do together?
- I know this is gonna sound really, really stupid folks.
Um, but I love when we run errands together.
- I like that too.
It's not my favorite thing, but I like that too. Mm-Hmm.
- . I like that too. I mean, you know, we get
so little time to genuinely be together
and just, you know, enjoy one another.
And I know, you know, sounds silly.
You're running errands, you're,
you're shopping, you're doing this.
But I enjoy that time together.
I look forward to it. Mm-Hmm. .
- Okay. So I agree. I agree.
It was very strange when I went
to the grocery store without you yesterday, .
Like, it used to be that it was like,
oh look, peace and quiet.
I'm with my own thoughts for a little bit.
And now I'm like, Nope, this is wrong.
I'm missing part of part of my soul right now.
What's happening, . And yet I am also
not deep enough for this question
because when I saw this question,
the first thing I thought was anything
where JB is touching my butt, rubbing it,
therefore it smacking it.
Yes, please. chasing me through the house, wanting
to pinch that and or my nipples.
Okay. Like
admiring it, hitting it in that way just to see the jiggle.
Like just to, I mean, and there's a lot there
and there's not a lot of muscle tone anymore.
It's all fucking jiggle.
And he'll just like get into a rhythm.
And I know he's not saying anything. I can't see him.
He is behind me. I know what he's doing
is just like he's hypnotized by the way it moves.
And I'm like, I'm good.
Is it the attention, is it that it just,
anything you do to my butt feels real good?
At least on the outside ? I don't know.
I don't, is it because it's one of my like, serious kinks?
I don't know. But yeah, you're all like deep and thoughtful
and I just wanna spend time running errands
and I'm like, no, I need you to touch my butt.
. It is one of those things where I'm not much for,
you know, public displays of affection.
Mm-Hmm. . Like, I don't dislike it,
but it's not a thing I gravitate towards.
I'm like, no, you could touch my butt in public.
Like, some people like it when a masculine partner touches
like their lower back Yes.
With consent. Mm-Hmm. . Right.
And they find that sexy. And I do, I find that like, kind
of endearing, but I'm like, no, no, you can go lower.
I got, I got an ass down there. There's a lot of it.
There's plenty to grab . It's go for it. It's good.
What would I do if he actually did that in public
outside of a kink space?
I don't know. , but , uh,
I would probably melt right there in the middle
of al these is what I'm saying.
And I don't think anybody signed up for that. . Okay.
What is your happiest memory with me
and what made it so special?
I think it's okay if you don't pick just one.
If you've, if a couple things come
to mind. 'cause a couple things came to
- My mind, you know, a again, and, and,
and it's one of those things that, um,
may sound odd, but to me it, uh,
it meant a lot after we were living in the
apartment and we bought the condo.
Um, you and I renovated it
- And we stayed together through the process.
Yeah. We didn't hate one another at the end of it.
- and, um, you know,
we, we did it together.
Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . And Yeah.
You know, we didn't, uh, beat each
other up or, you know,
- Um, yeah.
Well, I mean, I think we fussed
at one another a couple times I'm sure.
Yeah. It helped. We had some weird ass neighbors,
so like we could like turn our frustration
away from each other Yeah.
Into the, the solidarity of
what the fuck is wrong with that bitch.
Like, it was, it was helpful, I think. Yeah.
Look, she came peering in through our bedroom
- Window.
Bigger window. Yeah. Which
- Was at the back of the condo.
Right. And what was the amount basically
amounted to our backyard?
- Mm-Hmm. - . Thank God
we weren't getting freaky in there.
Right. We just paint a damn wall.
- Yeah. But, um, you know, yeah.
The, the fact that, that we did it together.
We worked together, uh, we worked very well together
and we got it done.
And not only did we get it done, but we did a damn good job.
- We did. I was proud of that condo. Yeah.
I wish we could still have that, uh, house payment. We
- Had a condo - That was delightful.
Yeah. Even with the HOA that was delightful.
. Um, okay. You good? Yeah. Okay.
So your turn. So I've got a few and they Okay. Oh, a few.
Well, two. Well,
my mind is scattered, so will I remember them all?
Probably not. The first one that comes
to mind is from the time we first met in person.
Mm-Hmm. , um, against all good advice. Yeah.
I would not recommend this for anybody,
but this is what I fucking did and it worked.
Um, I purposely, I left my front door unlocked.
I knew he was on his way. We'd been in communication.
I was like, just walk in.
Like, when you get here, you don't
have to knock, just walk in.
The reason being, I was 10, 15 feet away from the front door
on my knees just wearing a button down purple
men's dress shirt button down,
like doing a pose, whatever.
And what I wanted was to surprise him,
shock the hell outta him, and then get, I don't think I knew
that's what I wanted, but when I got it, I was like, oh,
I never not want to get that reaction.
He literally gasped like it was like this low.
Like he wasn't, we were still too new with one another
and we weren't, I don't think comfortable
with each other in our role.
So like he still had that thought of this is
how a dom is supposed to sort of appear and be and act.
And I sort of still had this, okay, this is
how I'm supposed to be as a submissive.
And it was more based on stereotypes than preference.
And so I have always loved getting a
positive reaction from people.
Uh, it makes me feel really proud.
And when it's like sexually charged
or tinkly charged, I'm here for it.
. Um, and he kept his composure.
Like the moment he saw what I was doing, he understood,
oh, we're playing now.
But before he put on the dom voice, he did this little,
just little intake of breath.
And I went, no, that's fucking power. Okay.
I'm fucking here for, I have never forgotten that.
Um, oh God, did I already let go?
Oh, now I remember the other one that brings a huge smile
to my face was the first time we seen
and we let our daddy dom baby girl sides Mm-Hmm.
Come into typically when we seen it's very sadist masochist
and or it's very, like there's no definition to this.
So this is just a vibe that I feel that I
wouldn't expect anybody else to kind of understand or,
or agree with or whatever.
Very much a dom sub, he's in control
and I am being a good little obedient sub.
And I try to be that anyway. I want to be a good girl.
That is, that makes me happy.
But when, when the daddy dom baby girl side like
overlap that we become very playful is very playful.
Mm-Hmm. . It's where I'm absolutely giggling
as I'm getting my ass beat,
but also going, no daddy, no, no.
When we really know, I'm like, yes, more daddy place.
Um, and the first time we did it, it was .
It reminded me a little bit
of the first time I called you daddy when I was sort
of convinced that you probably, you probably were daddy dom
and you were still a little resistant.
And I was like, let's, let's just
jump out on this limb here.
And I did it. And then your reaction was bigger.
Like, I wasn't sure, but I felt it in my gut. Mm-Hmm.
. And then I was right. You know, um, this,
that was another one of those moments where I got giggly
and then when in my head I was like, should I have giggled?
But I giggled and then his little sadistic daddy,
bratty daddy gleam got design.
And it's still like one
of my like top kink scenes we've ever done together.
And it wasn't even for like
what we physically did, it was all impact.
I know that much. It was
because we were,
we were playing in like the truest sense at that point.
Like Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. So. Okay. Those are mine.
Okay. Alright. Alright.
Ah, this one I think we could talk about together. Yeah.
What was our wedding day like?
Chaos, just like the rest of our life. Chaotic .
And yet it all went according to plan,
unlike the rest of our fucking life.
Yeah. Uh, so our wedding was kept very simple. Mm-Hmm.
. We, uh, paid for it in cash ourselves.
It cost me a grand total of about $2,500.
Um, where we lived in the Tampa Bay area,
you could get married on these dinner yacht cruise things.
Mm-Hmm. . And it was an all one
and done in the package thing.
You would get married
by like the ship's captain if you did not have a person.
We were supposed to have a person.
And then actually my aunt stepped in
and ended up doing it for us.
'cause she was a notary and good . Mm-Hmm.
. But you got married on the ship
before it boarded your guests got to come aboard
before everybody else for the, the ceremony.
And then you got to have like your own kinda like
section where Mm-Hmm.
you had dinner and drinks and the cake
and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
We have very small group.
We didn't know a lot of people want a lot of people there.
Like we, it was all but like one
or two people that were there had no
clue about our kink life.
. Like none. We did
have a couple of kink friends there.
Yes. Which was nice. Um,
and it, it went smoothly.
There was no cleanup.
The most I had to worry about was I went
and got my hair done and I got my makeup done
and we were still broke ass
bitches then for different reasons.
And so I went to the Avita school
and asked for their top person, like whoever, like,
you know, not just their brand new student
who started two days ago.
Um, and I had curls in my hair
and the makeup melted off very quickly.
Uh, . And I had a purple dress. Mm-Hmm.
and I cheese grinned my way down the aisle.
And purple kids. I did my no, converse. Converse.
That's right. Still have those. Um,
and had a little, um,
silvery gray like lin thing under the
skirt so it poofed out.
Oh my god. And I had gone, I had, uh, not had sugar
for six to eight weeks prior to,
so I was like at my slimmest, which was that healthy
mentally, but No.
But did I look really good in that fucking dress?
Yes, I did. Yep.
And every picture that anybody got of us from that night,
cheesy fucking grin.
Mm-Hmm. . And then somebody
kept handing me drinks and so then the grin got cheesier
and did I get on the dance floor and do the chacha slide
and the cban shovel
and all of the silly little dances.
I know. Yes I did. Mm-Hmm. .
Both boys were supposed to walk me down the aisle.
Uh, they got shy at the last minute,
so I dragged them down the
- Aisle.
, you walked them down the aisle?
- I did because it was time , but yeah.
Did we have a kink scene that night? No.
Did we go to Waffle House though? Yeah. At midnight. Yeah.
Apparently we got married on like homecoming night.
And so all the kids had all at all the high schools there.
- Well, yeah. I mean a after, after the wedding was done
and you know, we boarded and everybody Yeah.
Disembarked and everybody.
- Yeah. That was a nice thing. You had a set end point
for the whole damn Yeah.
Thing because you had to get off the fucking boat. Right.
- And um, you know, we decided even though we'd been,
you know, partying, having some drinks
and eating wedding cake and all that
- Was the wedding cake purple. Yes. The fuck it was
- .
But, um, still deciding, you know, let's go get a a a piece
of cake or pie and something.
Get, have a cup of coffee and Yeah.
We went to two, two different restaurants
and apparently it was homecoming night
and the restaurants were packed out
and uh, yeah, we ended up at, uh,
waffle House. Yep. .
- Yep. And my mom took both kids for the night.
It was supposed to be a, it was a kid free night.
There was no fuckery. Mm-Hmm.
There was no fucking, we did nothing that night except eat.
And then at that point I thought my, my dress was going pop.
- We were exhausted. - We were also exhausted.
We were finally fucking married. . Yeah. Yes.
So yeah, that was what our wedding day was like. Okay.
Right now in the here and now. Mm-Hmm.
of our lives. What is the thing you appreciate
the most about me?
And then of course I'll say
the thing I appreciate most about
- You, you know, for, for a couple years now,
we have been going, going through
- It.
- Yeah. has - Been going through
- It with a capital s
and, you know, it's,
it's been, it's been tough.
Mm-Hmm. . And yet you are always there.
You you are like a rock. You
- Can't get rid of me.
Sorry. .
- And, and you know, you, you're just there and,
and you know, we're gonna get through this.
We're we, we're gonna do it.
You know, and, and you just keep that
- A little secret.
Yeah. I hope it doesn't like change how you feel. Uhoh Uhoh.
I, I am, my automatic nature is to be optimistic to believe
that everything is figureoutable.
Yeah. Um, and,
and to know from experience, we will get through it.
I don't know what through is gonna look like
and I don't know what it's gonna look like on the other
side, but you come through everything.
Um, but I keep my optimism up
when I'm not feeling it for you
because you, my my lovely cancer man
are like a crab and you will withdraw onto your shell
and you'll get pessimistic and you'll get grumpy
and you'll stop believing in what's possible.
Grumpy by nature. uh, .
And so my optimism is not a constant.
I don't walk around with stars in my
eyes all the fucking time.
And I get down
and I recently, up
until like super recently when we both got
to have a little bit of hope, again,
I've been questioning whether I was foolish to be
so optimistic
because it was like, have I not seen things?
Have I had turned away from realities? Mm-Hmm.
because I'm being too optimistic.
And yet I know we kind of have to balance one another.
Um, because you can go overly pessimistic
and I don't think that's useful, just as it's not useful
for me to be too optimistic.
Too optimistic. Yeah. Right. Like, I
don't need to be unrealistic.
Mm-Hmm. and like pie in the sky bullshit
and then, you know, whatever and not admit reality.
Um, so I often, I actually worry
that you think I'm being foolish for being
so optimistic sometimes.
Mm-Hmm. . So I kind of, I kind
of like knowing that you're like, no, no, no.
Actually, I actually appreciate it. Yeah. . Yep.
Um, right now
there's like about a million things I appreciate about you
that's just all wrapped up into you being John Brownstone.
But in our very recent, like even this past few weeks,
the thing I've appreciated the most, two things really.
One, you continue to be a safe person for me to be
exactly who I am.
And that can mean a lot of different
things from moment to moment.
. Um, so like, I don't,
it's why I do silly random weird things.
I don't, I'm not worried about your reaction to any of them,
even though he still does sometimes react by going,
what is going on here?
. But I know it's not done with judgment.
So like, I, I am just whatever.
But, um, that is a constant
and ongoing, the thing that I
have appreciated the most is your willingness
to have hard conversations
and to give me, not the space.
'cause I've had the space to support me through
me having to say things
that I consider tough things to say to you.
Like the other day, like just a day
or 24 hours ago, I think we kind of had
to have a serious conversation.
JB was saying, Hey, here's a thing that's gonna happen.
I would like it to happen. What do you think?
And I, he got my sort of unabridged,
unadulterated feelings in the moment,
which was I support this thing, but also here.
Yeah. Here's where it's still fucking tough.
And I walked away from that encounter going, God, I was kind
of aggressive and when I got got home I
had to like, go to the store or whatever.
I, I, you know, I was like, I'm, I'm sorry if I was sort
of aggressive and kind of a bitch about that.
And his response was, you were none of those things. Mm-Hmm.
you were entirely appropriate.
And all I could think was I am like one
of the luckiest humans alive that you do.
You see me for who I am and you are comfortable with it.
Even if when we're in the midst of uncomfortable things
and you, I think, you know, that it is kind of my,
um, gut instinct to
withhold those kinds of negative feelings
and to just go, it's fine.
Everything's fine. It's gonna be fine. We'll figure it out.
It's fine. And well, there's also that .
And so when I get firm and assertive Mm-Hmm.
, you don't shy away from that. No.
You're like, you either give as good as you get, which
that's then when I cry
because that's the kind of person I am.
Or you just support me through it. Yeah.
You're like, you know,
- Well, you know, let, let's put this into perspective.
Mm-Hmm. . Okay. You know, I'm
- Gonna get my hair clip while you're
- Putting things into perspective.
You, you, you, you talk about, you know, being
aggressive Okay.
In the conversation. Understand something.
You have met my blood family. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Okay.
That is not aggressive . No.
- But I unfortunately was raised
to believe incorrectly
that stating your opinion firmly is talking back,
is rude, is uncalled for, is not what, you know,
air quote this real fucking hell like good girls do.
Mm. Like there's a way that I was raised, I was expected
to behave and I internalized it so fucking hard.
I'm like, you know what, this is painful and hard,
but I'm gonna be really damn good at it.
And here we're at age 44
and I, I find it very difficult to let go of that.
Mm-Hmm. . And you're just like, look,
I love you when you're got the zoomies
at 11 o'clock at night. Right.
- I - Love you when you're a raging bitch at
11:00 AM so we're good.
Um, yeah.
And I think that the communication part just goes
back to you being a safe person.
Mm-Hmm. . Like, I will always
appreciate about that, about you.
Yeah. It doesn't mean you don't have, we don't disagree
and it doesn't mean you don't have your own strong opinions
that are sometimes, you know, not opposite of mine,
but in, in conflict with mine.
Like that does happen. Mm-Hmm. .
But even then you continue to be like, yeah, just,
just tell me what it is.
The biggest problem is not you wanting
to hear from me and struggling with that.
You don't struggle with that at all. The biggest problem is
me getting you to, to tell me what you're thinking
because you still carry your old, you know,
stuff from previous Yeah.
You know, gotta love the trauma.
Um, but we can be that way for one another. Yeah.
Do Is it like pulling fucking teeth from him sometimes?
Yeah. Yeah. Do I have to tease and zoom me it out of him?
Yes. . He just has to look at me cross-eyed.
I'm like, let me tell you what I'm thinking right now.
- . - So, okay.
Okay. Next one.
What parts of the relationship are going really well?
I would say communication. . Uh,
- I, that's exactly the same thing I was thinking.
Um, you know, through, through everything
that we have been going through, um,
you know, not rightfully so that, you know, being stressed
that we, we haven't fussed with one another.
We have. But I, I think the big difference
in, in what has happened, we fuss at one another.
Okay. But at the end of it all,
we either have a plan for a resolution
or we are working Mm-Hmm.
towards putting together something to,
you know, resolve what we, what we were fussing about.
So, you know. Yeah, definitely, definitely communication.
- Yeah. And I think, um, planning,
which is part of communication.
Mm-Hmm. and our sense of humor.
Like, it, it's been a few weeks, maybe longer since we had,
like, we let ourselves get so stressed that we were arguing,
which neither one of us likes.
Oh my God. Um,
and lately what we've done instead is tease each other
out of the definite bad mood.
We know the other one might be in
- The doldrums. Yeah. Right.
- Mm-Hmm. . Um, and then we
allow the other one to do that.
Like, it's, it's not as difficult as you might imagine
to shut somebody's teasing down
because you're like, you know what?
I don't wanna fucking laugh right now. Life sucks too much.
, you know what? Valid. Okay. .
Um, but we've been together long enough
and had enough experience with this that I have
for the most part, I can kind of fight
that feeling with you because Mm-Hmm.
I know that if we let ourselves sink into
that place, we're gonna end up in an argument
that is unnecessary.
Right. Because not once have we ever argued
because we disagreed about the outcome we
were trying to achieve. Not once,
- No. In
- All of these years we've argued about all kinds of stuff,
but that was never one
- Of them come, come out.
The other side is like, we both want the same
thing, so. Right. Yeah.
- Which leads me to the thing I think
that's going really well in our relationship,
especially right now, is teamwork and collaboration.
Yeah. We are working on common goals. Mm-Hmm.
, we are trying to do it together.
We have each in our own way offered to, attempted to,
or made actual sacrifices for the other, not like
detrimental to our health sacrifices.
Mm-Hmm. , but doing things that if we,
you know, could do something different, we would Yeah.
And we, I think we each see the effort on the other's part
and then we honor it
and then we're like, yeah, I'm, I'm mad at the world,
but I will not be mad at my teammate right now.
, let's be silly.
Instead let's cut the tension with some humor.
Um, because we are trying to get
to the same place together, you know?
Um, and right now we're sort of in a cycle where like,
sometimes what'll happen is that all
of those things will be true, but our
moods are polar opposites.
I'll be super hopeful and JB will be super pessimistic,
which immediately sort of creates its own tension
or can anyway.
And lately I think we've each not been at the extreme
of our tendencies.
So j b's not extremely pessimistic.
I'm not extremely optimistic.
We're we're closer to the middle
and so then we can tease one another.
'cause we don't think the other one's making a joke out
of a serious situation.
Or we can sort of check in with each other
and it not become contentious
or the one that was happening for a while,
I would get real hopeful and sometimes maybe incorrectly.
So like, not really reading the situation correctly.
And instead of it frustrating him
because he was like, I don't, I don't believe this,
this thing you're being this optimistic about.
Um, he's like, yeah, okay.
Maybe I've also tempered some of my optimism.
It's not worked out enough fucking times over the
- Past - Few years.
The, uh, the, what is it?
The sort of wide-eyed, you know, uh,
- The rose colored glasses, - Rose colored glass, like
that whole thing that's,
I just can't even muster that right now.
Yeah. Like, I'm like, actually I'm, I'm optimistic
that we will figure this out,
but is it probably gonna suck on the way
there? Oh yeah. Yeah.
- Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
- Like reality is, has done that one to me. Mm-Hmm.
. But yeah, I think, I think
that's what's going well.
Yeah. Okay. We actually have two questions left. Mm-Hmm.
. Um, this one is,
and this one makes me a little
uncomfortable, but we're gonna do it anyway.
Mm-Hmm. what do you think most people are
jealous of about your relationship?
Now, let me say, tell you why this makes me uncomfortable.
I do not like to suppose
what other people think about us. Right. That makes
- Me very like, I mean, you know, think thinking, I,
I was kinda looking ahead to that question.
I'm like, how can I answer that without
- Sounding like a total asshole? I don't,
- I mean, yeah.
I, I don't like that question.
Strike that question from the books therapy,
- Jeff.
I don't, I I disapprove of this question.
- Right. Right. - So, but you know what, it's
because we are a couple, we, we put a good portion
of a relationship out in front of people.
Mm-Hmm. . So it's actually plausible
that somebody might feel envious or jealous or whatever.
Pick a word. And that has always made, you know,
people have said for years, we did a whole episode on why I
don't like this, you know, we're relationship goals.
I don't like that. Uh, if I,
we can inspire great, but Mm-Hmm.
, you don't wanna be exactly like us. Right.
- You need to be your best versus or your best self. Yeah.
I mean, know over the years we've had a lot of people say,
oh, I want a relationship just like yours.
- Well, okay, I hope you don't mind being dead
ass broke for several years.
- . Right. And, - And then an
increasing amount of debt.
Mm-Hmm. have a good time.
Hope you keep you sense of humor. Yeah.
Um, but you know, I, I don't want, I don't want anybody
to be envious of us.
I would like for people to have some of the things
that we have in the way that suits them.
Sure. With a potential partner. Mm-Hmm.
, I want you to have open
and clear communication and that will be hard won.
Like it Yeah. You gotta battle your own
issues around communication.
Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Then you've
gotta do battle with your partner's issues
around communication.
Right. Like, I want you to have that.
I want you to have whatever your, I, you know,
best version of a especially power exchange
relationship is for us.
It's collaborative and there's a lot of teamwork
and we're very silly and, you know, we
did I get so sassy today?
I thought I was gonna have to run out
of the room and then get chased.
Yes. . Yes I did. I remember what I said now. Yes.
And I know for a fact that some of that does not like
that kind of for the sass Right.
Does not work for everybody.
I do think teamwork
and collaboration in any flavor
of power exchange is possible.
I think it'll just look different. Like Mm-Hmm.
if you're like a high protocol situation
or there's an owner slave kind of dynamic
and it's much more what I would consider rigid
and strict that is subjective.
Of course, you know, your teamwork
and collaboration probably won't
look anything like ours does.
Yeah. And I don't, I don't give a fuck what it looks like.
I want everybody to have the opportunity
for it. Right. But I don't want
- You to be fucking and to be happy with it. Yeah.
- Right. I don't want you to be jealous about it.
I want you to be like, I see that
that is a thing that is possible.
How do I make that come to fruition in a way
that is satisfying in my relationship
and the way that my relationship works?
Because the thing is, is we are willing
to talk about the not so easy parts,
but we do, we really are kind of a highlight reel.
We are not going into the depth of the details of
what is hard in our life right now.
Mm-Hmm. like that's for us to deal with
that is not for public consumption.
So we could easily give off this image of Oh,
it's so fucking easy. No the fuck.
- No, it's not. It's not. It's not. No, it's not.
- The, the way we're approaching it through this cycle
of the, the tough hard part I really think is
because we've had at this point, God,
we're at 11 years really?
Mm-Hmm. 11 and a half years of figuring out
how to work together and to get to hear Jesus.
We had to have some dumb ass fights about some stupid
shit like Mm-Hmm.
. So I don't, I don't want you to be jealous of
- Anything. No,
- No.
But if you, if you think to yourself seeing some part
that we're showing you, I would like some
version of that for myself.
I want that for you. I just want most people to realize
that it's not gonna look like ours looks.
'cause we're all different people and the partner you have
and the dynamic you have.
Right. And how you express yourself as a kinky person
that is gonna, and what you've gone
through past relationships, childhood trauma.
Mm-Hmm. mental illness, neurodivergence like
what, whatever, whatever.
Right. It's all gonna change what that looks like.
It's not gonna look like ours
and it shouldn't, that would be weird.
Mm-Hmm. I don't wanna a Stepford power exchange. No.
Couple, couple thing going on. Like that's, that's icky
- .
- So Yeah. I don't wanna answer that one. . Okay.
Good. Okay. I think this one is difficult.
Yeah. But let us try.
- Okay. - What's one thing about our relationship you'd
never want to change?
- One thing, - I think you could have more than one.
We could break the rules here.
- I mean, you know what I'm, I'm, I'm gonna
put myself out on a limb.
Um, none of it I, I wouldn't, I mean
- About the relationship.
No. Parts of our life. Yeah. I changed the no money thing.
- Well, I mean, I changed - The debt thing.
- That's, that, that is outside of who we are. I, yes.
I look at who we are Yes. In that.
And, and there is nothing I, I would change about any of it.
The good, the bad, the ugly.
- I am, I have learned not to say this to other people
and put this on them, but in my personal life,
my personal beliefs about myself,
where I can say whatever the fuck I want, I am the type
of person who says, as shitty as some things have been,
I wouldn't be the person I am today without all
that shit I had to go through.
And we would not be
where we are in our relationship right now.
Mm-Hmm. without the shit we've gone through.
We had to do, I wish we could have skipped every ridiculous
but bad argument we've ever had.
Of course. Sure. But we learned how
to communicate with one another right.
Through that. Mm-Hmm. we learned how to, to,
you know, conflict resolution with one another.
Yes. Um, and we've learned some shit about ourselves
- Through that.
And, and we've learned, um, to argue fairly
- Yeah. We're better at it than we used
- To be.
Okay. Mm-Hmm. You know, we, we don't
take jabs at each other.
Mm-Hmm. You know, put each other down. We, we, we never
- Really did that.
- We never did. But I, things
- That we still had that just like that gut reaction
of wanting to, what we did was we would talk less
because we were avoiding it.
We didn't wanna do it to one another,
but we didn't know what we were supposed to say
- At .
Right, right. Yeah. Yeah.
- Um, no, I do,
I wish there were lots of parts of life
that were a bit like just less complicated
and with clear, hopeful resolutions in the
future. Yes. Yeah.
- Sure. I mean, I don't think anybody would Right. Yeah.
- Say that, but I would, no, I would not change.
I I'll for the sake of the question. Mm-Hmm.
the thing that I wish we were better at,
that we are still working on.
- Okay. - We are great with our communication right now.
Doesn't mean we won't fall off sometime in the future.
Some new thing will come at us.
We won't know how to deal with, we'll have to figure it out.
Right. We're great on our communication,
we're great on our teamwork, our
day-to-Day power exchange because we love a routine.
Yeah. Right. We are good there. Yeah.
If I could make something better in our relationship,
it would be to make us better at
prioritizing fuckery.
Yes. And the more outward, obvious,
less routine oriented power exchange.
Do I miss the way your voice goes when you are
issuing a command?
Yeah. . Do I also miss having the freedom
to let my brain make that transit?
I don't, I mean, I don't switch easy from thing to thing.
Yeah. And when I'm in a mindset, it is hard for me
to turn and go, oh, yeah.
But at times when life was less complicated, it was easier.
Like it might ,
it's always like it went in my ear and there
- Was like, huh, that's complicated to you.
How funny. That goes hand in hand.
- Stop. He would, he would give say something in that tone
and when things were just different than they are now,
there was always a delay between hearing it
and my brain computing it, but it was like a second delay.
Right. And so I'd process and be like, oh, I know that tone
and I could switch over.
Mm-Hmm. these days.
I know why he doesn't do stuff like that
because you don't know what version
of me you're gonna get. Okay.
- - maybe. Yeah. Subbie brain is activated.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm here. What do you want? Yeah.
Maybe business bitch boss, babe, whatever.
is activated.
And I'll be like, do you know
what I have my to-do list right now, .
And it's not sexy and it's not conducive to power exchange
- .
Yeah.
- And so, yeah. If there was a thing I could modify for us,
it would be to get better at that
- Part.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean we, we talked about that in the, uh, the, the Patreon
podcast a little bit behind.
- We - Do it behind the scenes for Patreon. Yeah.
Behind scenes. And, um, you know. Yeah.
We, especially over the last few years, we have
been dealing with, with so much stress
and, um, you know, it, it has
through all that to, to keep going
and working on the things that we we're doing.
Um, yeah. That has kind of taken a, a side seat.
- And this isn't even our first time since having this
podcast where we have like complained into the ether about
how, you know what, the thing that will get dropped faster
is the recreational stuff.
And I think that's common for a lot of people.
Um, what I'm appreciative
of is the power exchange is always there.
Yes. We manage to find a way to build it.
So it just occurs without a lot of conscious thought.
There are habits and routines. Mm-Hmm. .
And there is the way we've sort of decided to live our life
as you are the decider.
I might do all the legwork, I might do all the research,
I might have to bring it to you.
And man, if I want to procrastinate that, that'll happen.
Mm-Hmm. . But ultimately, you know,
you ha you have that role.
That was part of our hard conversation the other day.
I was like, we were talking about fuckery
and we're talking about, you know,
intimate physical connection.
And I was like, Hey, hey, hey, I, I make my desires clear.
I make my wants clear.
That's my job in this, uh, the way we've structured things,
the rest is on you.
And if we're not getting it,
what are we gonna do about that?
And when I said we, I was like, you know who I mean? Right.
Like, .
And sometimes that's the downside
because it, it means that if, if we haven't already,
I wanna do an episode on
responsibilities and a power exchange.
'cause I think that it goes deeper
than a lot of people think about it.
Mm-Hmm. , um, it's like, okay,
I just lost my own fucking train of thought.
Um, you
know, I want a thing.
And so that's the downside.
If, if we've structured it so you make the decisions
and either you are not in a mental head space
to make decisions,
or I am being way too fucking subtle, then I'm left
dissatisfied in some way.
And sometimes I feel like there's not a lot
I can do about it.
Mm. And that is, that is sort of a, a weak spot in
how this works for us.
- Yeah. And you know what I'm gonna say too is, you know,
while a lot of times I am good at picking up
subtle hints No,
- I know you need it. Like hit a,
- Sometimes I, I I need to be hit on the head. Yeah.
- I know. Which works because when I'm feeling safe
and comfortable, that is my communication style.
. Right? , I, if y'all haven't noticed in 390
some odd episodes, I'm an over communicator.
I want to make sure you know what the fuck I mean.
Um, and poor JB gets like the full
drinking from the fire hose
- Level lab.
There, there are times I just want a simple yes or no. You
- Can't have that. I don't know
- How to do that. I just want a yes or
- No.
There is one or the other. No.
'cause there's context and there's reasoning and there's,
but also here are the what ifs and the contingencies.
There's no such thing as just a simple
- Yes or so.
I have learned. In some cases,
I'll just tell her I'm gonna ask you a question.
I just want a yes or no answer.
That's all I need. That's another
- Thing we've learned over the years, .
That's okay. That's okay.
I have learned that some of his not meant
to be contentious reactions at all
will upset the shit outta me.
So when I think what I'm about to say would create
that reaction, my thing is to go, okay, look,
I'm gonna tell you a thing and you might feel
the urge to go Ugh.
And do that sigh, like drop thing.
I need you to not do that right now.
And when I say that, he might still have the similar,
he's like, oh, I'm glad you said something.
'cause I te I totally would have. Yeah.
But then we can get past that like
- Moment.
And, and so sometimes when she says, you know, I,
I'm gonna ask you something
and I don't want that reaction, I'll just go,
- Yeah, go ahead and give it to me
- Before get, get it out of the way and know.
Right. Let's carry on .
- It worked. It has worked so far.
So those are the questions. Yeah.
Are you feeling warm and fuzzy?
- Warm? Yes. I know. - I I think you turned the air
- On.
I did. I and I'm very grateful for that.
I bumped the air down a little bit. 'cause it,
- Yeah.
It's almost like the, uh, universe wants us
to feel real good about our decision
to switch the time .
I, I know my dream know. Thanks weather. Mm-Hmm.
. Um, yeah.
I, you know, it's nice to kind of think about the things
that we think we're doing well
and the things we enjoy about one another.
Yeah. And I think it's very easy to get bogged down in,
here's the thing we gotta work on,
and here's the thing that we're struggling with.
Mm-Hmm. . And here's the thing that's hard.
- And that, and that's what I think
those questions are good for.
Mm-Hmm. . Because yes, you know, it is easy in,
in the day-to-day life between taking care of family,
you know, work, taking care of your home, you know, uh,
what things going on with extended family, you know, it,
it's easy to, to let things like that slide
to the wayside, you know?
- So yeah. Anybody who's, you know, partnered up
with anybody, if you,
especially if you haven't had a warm fuzzy in a hot minute,
I recommend sitting down playing this game on
your own without an audience.
And so then you could say the most uncomfortable things,
, we're not afraid
of saying the uncomfortable thing into a
microphone with our internet connection.
But, you know, not everybody wants to do that,
so you don't have to Mm-Hmm.
. Um, so yeah, that, that's that.
Thank you therapy, Jeff for, you know, posting content
that I then yank for myself, whatever, whatever .
Um, so yeah, I guess we can go into a bonus
section now. Okay. Mm-Hmm.
- . So, uh, are we good? I don't know.
- Hm. - Keep it kinky. All kinky. All.
- And we'll see you next week.
Daddy.
- Yes. - Can we talk to the crickets, please?
- Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Talk to the crickets. Go ahead.
- I don't have anything to say. I said we,
- I know you did.
- I brought you into this. I know you did. Okay.
- But you know, you're the word person here. I count on
- You.
I, I think I get like a bulk amount of words in a day.
. I certainly only get a limited number
of clear, rational thoughts.
Mm-Hmm. And once I've used those up, I am
- Screwed. That that's it, huh?
- No, I think part of my problem is the stuff
that is overwhelmingly on my mind Yeah.
And has got most of my focus is the stuff
that we keep for us mostly.
Yeah. You know, it's like Mm-Hmm. .
So it's like, yeah. I mean, I, I wouldn't, it's stuff like,
first of all, I don't have a lot of close friends,
it's just whatever.
Um, the only way my, my absolute BFF could probably get me
to talk about it, she, she'd have
to buy a picture of margaritas.
Margaritas. And what she all has done for literal years is
for every two I drink, she gets like half
of one done .
I think she realizes that if you wanna get me
talking, you just
- Need to Yep.
- Yeah. The, the, the liquor needs to flow freely. Mm-Hmm.
. Um, but yeah, like, I don't, I tend
to be a person that assumes most people.
And this I think is incorrect.
I don't think this is how a lot
of people in my life actually are,
but I tend to assume people,
most people don't want to hear it.
Um, I also don't want unsolicited advice.
So the best way to not get that is to not tell people shit.
Um, but also sometimes I just don't,
I don't wanna talk about the hard stuff.
I find it easier just to let other people talk to me.
And then, you know, you don't have to do a lot
of talking then I know those of you who only know me
through this medium will find that
difficult to believe.
But I actually am a pretty good listener.
Especially if I'm like, you are, if you talk,
that means I don't have to .
But, so yeah. Like my, my mind is absolutely focused on
financial stuff Yep.
And future goals stuff. Mm-Hmm.
and the existential crisis of,
I wanna be optimistic about it,
but I've been burned so much with my own fucking optimism
and the universe that I refuse
and it hurts my feelings that I can't be as hopeful
and optimistic as I would like to be.
You know, just, just fun stuff. .
I want to be a wide-eyed, hopeful little baby girl.
But the, the world has fucked me just a couple of two times
to too many times too hard with no lube.
And I just can't right now.
- It's not always that easy to get where you want to be.
- I would, I I'm, I'd kill for something easy right now.
I know. I know. And I, you know what? Think we both,
- I think, think we both - Want, and we're not
the only ones.
I have no doubt somebody who can hear him sounding.
My voice is like, same bitch. Right.
I would love something easy too. Yep. So. Yep. Yep.
Um, we are
desperately trying to get Lola, uh, accustomed to,
um, having her nails done by us Yeah.
so that her nails do not look like nobody loves her.
So we used to, it was, it was cheap to do.
We used to do grooming like once a month, every six weeks
or so, and we'd be like, Hey, please cut her nails.
Well you've got her and you are the trained professionals.
Mm-Hmm. . Well, we've stopped doing that.
And so we have to do it.
And the giving her a bath, we found the way
that she still looks at us like we have broken her heart
and we are .
We just have stopped loving her and how dare we Right.
But we now bathe her, like outside on our back patio
because trying
to do it in the bathroom was just, it was not, it was not
- Working.
It it, yeah. It, it wasn't working.
The, it was hard for, it's getting harder for me to,
because she will not go into the tub willingly. No.
- Um, - So it's up to me to pick her up and put her in the
- Tub.
Right. And then I have to fold myself into a pretzel
to take the shower head to get it close enough
to her in the corner.
She's backed herself up into,
and we do not have large bathtub, by the way.
Mm-Hmm. To get her wet. So we've taken it outside.
She handled that a little bit better. Yeah.
I think maybe she liked not feeling so closed in. Yeah.
And like we, 'cause we had
to be real close to her to make part.
Yeah. But the nails, the
- Nails are another thing. Yeah.
- And so we, uh, betrayed her emotions a little bit. Yeah.
By enticing her into rolling over on her back.
And she blisses out if you'll just
spend some time rubbing her belly.
Yes. Like her eyes will close her.
Her limbs are up in the air like a bug,
but she's like real relaxed.
Well, Mm-Hmm. we discovered
that was prime time to get,
we don't have clip clipper things.
We have the sandy Dremel like tool for nails.
And you could get in there and you could do her nails.
Well, we did that a couple of times,
but we couldn't finish 'cause she'd get
too antsy. And we're like, we're
- Not trying to stress her out.
I initially, when I, when I tried it, found it out.
'cause I, I did her front nails and Yeah.
You know, I, I, I'd rub her belly, get her bliss
and she'd just lay there and I'd, I'd, you know, do,
do a couple nails and she'd start and I'd rub
and bliss her out again. And Mm-Hmm.
- . So we decided to tag team her,
but she is not stupid , and
- She knew - What we were there to do the other day.
Oh yeah. And she just, she would not even come in
- For - Pets at first.
I had to put away the nail.
Like I was letting her sniff the nail stuff.
Like, here, you, you know,
this should smell only like you, quite frankly.
And, but we were, we weren't moving real fast.
We were trying to just give her love.
And she's just looking at me like, right.
I can't believe you did this to me,
- .
- I can't believe you're using
belly rubs against me this way.
- Right. Right. - So we, uh,
but she did let me sit and, and do some of her
- Nails. But she has
- The tolerance for letting it happen is,
- Is still too.
Well, I think what we need to do next time
is let me get her.
Yes. Because, you know, she sees me.
She's gonna lay down and roll over in a heartbeat.
- I know. And the, the problem was, what I was trying
to do is I was like, this is a good time.
I have time to do this. Yeah. You have time to do this.
Let's do this. And it would
- Just, yeah.
So yeah. Next, next time. I think we heard her feelings.
Next time, let me get in there and, and you know. Yeah.
Get, get get her. Well on the way to, uh, blist them.
Yeah. ,
- Uh, the cats are menace, but we love them.
Mm-Hmm. . Um, the kids are okay.
- Yep. - Uh, we're okay. Mm-Hmm. .
- Oh, - I got, I mean, I got nothing interesting.
Nothing interesting.
- So, um, you know, it's, it's,
uh, warming up.
We're we, we've skipped spring and gone the summer.
We're looking at temps most days in the upper eighties
now. And
- It, you know, and even nineties, which that's,
that's to be expected.
Mm-Hmm. . It's the humidity.
And I don't know how I do this. Okay.
Anybody who's ever, anybody
who gets a period will probably relate to this.
And I haven't had a period in how old is my youngest.
But you know how, for those of you
who might experience this, you get into what would,
upon reflection, you would go, this is PMS,
you hate everybody and you are craving chocolate,
or you're craving potato, you're craving something
and you're telling yourself, I don't
really, I don't really need this.
And you're, you're kind of miserable, but your emotions
and you're like, what is wrong with me?
And then your period hits and you go, oh, if you can relate.
That is my experience with Florida Summer humidity,
every fucking year,
every year it starts to creep up.
And I'm like, I hate this and I'm miserable.
What is going on? It is too early for summer, like weather
and then summer, like weather actually hits.
And I go, oh, yeah. Yeah. It was the humidity all along.
And it's same fucking feeling.
- Mm-Hmm. . - And that's what it's been.
The temperatures really are not that bad.
- No. It's - The fucking humidity.
And you walk outside and you just start to
- Sweat.
It's like hitting a wall. Yeah. I don't like it.
Yep. I know. Don't like it.
- And yet, I, I forget
and see the first non humidity day will have
after summer's, like really?
Mm-Hmm. . It'll be the most glorious day Oh.
I've ever experienced in my life.
I will say something to the effect of,
if it felt like this all the time,
I would love it, it would be better.
But I Mm-Hmm. every year, every year.
And then the first humidity day we get right
before summer, I'll be like, why is it so miserable?
Yeah. I don't like this.
- Mm-Hmm. - Every time.
- Yep. Every time. Yep. Yep. So, oh,
- Oh, that's me banging on my, yeah.
I don't know how it translates into sound,
but sorry if you heard that
- .
All right. I guess that's, I think that's, uh,
yeah. About it.
- Look, when you bear your soul in the episode,
there's nothing left to bear for the bonus section
- . That's true. That's
- True.
That's true. That's true. Um, yeah.
We, uh, we're streaming on Saturday for, uh, our Ky q and a.
Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Our kinky community.
You can join there through Patreon if you'd like.
Uh, but we'll be back next week at a different time. Mm-Hmm.
7:00 PM Eastern on a Wednesday.
Um, and maybe it will be less miserable.
'cause right now we're, I feel like I'm melting. Hmm.
Um, so we're gonna go Yeah. And we will talk to y'all soon.
Mm-Hmm. , thanks for listening.
Thanks for being here today. Thanks for joining us.
Bitter end. Um, okay. That's it.
I got, I guess I got nothing. Okay. Okay. All right. Bye.
Bye.