- You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast Killer.
The Lord's here with the one, the only, the guy I think, uh,
might look better in purple than I do.
John Brownstone. Uh
- Oh.
Wow. Was not expecting that
- .
Well, you're wearing your purple shirt,
and I like that purple shirt.
Mm-Hmm. . And I like you in purple.
And I don't have as much purple as people would think I do.
I also don't have that shade of purple. True.
I also just think you might look better in purple than
I do. It's
- Just so you see.
I think we were destined to meet
because I liked purple. Way before I met you.
- I liked purple way before I met you too.
But when I started liking purple,
you were already an adult .
So, But let's not make it creepy.
And that's not, we're here before .
This week, we're answering a question from a Kister
who feels like they're the only, uh,
monogamous person in their kink community.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast.
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That's loving bdsm.net,
and you can find it in the show notes for this episode.
Okay. Let's get directly into this question.
I recently got involved with a local kink community.
Although I've been interested in the
lifestyle for a long time.
Almost everyone in the local community is Polly.
I try not to judge, but it makes me feel like a freak
among the freaks As a monogamous person,
I'm meeting hardly anyone who's
single in the community either.
I'm happy to make new friends,
but I'm recently single ready to find a new relationship
and frustrated with vanilla dating sites.
Polly just isn't for me.
And as much as I try not to judge, I have to wonder if,
to some extent, being poly is the quote in
thing in the kink community.
Is it like this in all of kink or just in some communities?
Is it a recent trend?
Do you think it will continue to be this way?
I know I wouldn't be happy in a poly relationship
as I'm just not wired for it.
And I've been through a lot of abuse,
and I've never had anyone, including family prioritize me.
I don't want to have to compromise on what I want
because I'm tired of being lonely.
But sometimes I feel like I might end up needing to,
because I'm not finding other options.
I don't like it or express it openly.
But I'm starting to feel resentful
and sometimes wondering if the only friends I'm making in
the community aren't really my friends,
but just see me as a potential sex partner,
where are the single monogamous sters?
And how can I work through these feelings without being
disrespectful towards poly people?
There's a lot to unpack
- In this.
There, there is, there is,
- There's there's a lot.
A lot. Um, let's start with the base question. Yeah.
Of, am I the only monogamous person in kink anymore?
, uh, am I the only, uh,
monogamous person in my kink community?
The simple answer to that is no, you are not.
There's no way in hell you're the only one. Right.
But let's talk about that part first. 'cause Mm-Hmm.
, there's, there's some stuff to unpack here.
, um, as a poly person,
a non-monogamous person, I should say.
Mm-Hmm. , um, uh, functioning within the,
the kink world.
Mm-Hmm. . What, what are your thoughts?
What's your, um,
- You know, it does, it seemed that way at times that
that poly has become, uh, prevalent Mm-Hmm.
in, in kink.
And, and I think it's a, a lot to do with it
because people talk about it so much
- More than they ever did before.
- More they ever did before. Mm-Hmm. .
Um, you know, and let's face it,
people don't talk about monogamy.
- You don't have to when it's the norm. Yeah. It's
- Like, it's just understood.
Right. When, when it's, when it's considered the norm.
Understood. So, you know, yes.
You, you seem to be bombarded with poly this, poly
that this group, that group, you know, it, it does seem
to come across that way,
but it is not the definitive No.
Okay. Uh, you do not have to be poly to be kinky.
You don't have to be kinky to be poly.
People who practice poly who never dip their toes into kink
- .
Right? Absolutely. Yeah.
Oh, they're definitely vanilla, non-monogamous people.
- So, you know, while it may seem that it is prevalent,
and that is the only thing, it's not,
it's really, really not.
- And it te tends to seem prevalent when you are
or feel like you are on the outside of the group.
Mm-Hmm. when you are, are not used
to hearing about it on a consistent basis.
And then that makes you aware of it when it happens,
because you're like, wait, this is not my normal.
And I'm quote, hearing about it all the time.
You really are not. It's just a higher percentage than
you've ever experienced before.
One reality is that non-monogamous
people have always existed.
It's like every other type of human out there.
We've, we've always existed. two.
The thing about kink is that once you open yourself up
to BDSM, power exchange, non kink,
non vanilla ways of expressing and,
and experiencing, you know, uh, relationships, those people
who are drawn to non-monogamy now,
it's almost like they have a little bit
of permission to explore that. Mm-Hmm.
- . - So you will get, you know, uh,
somebody who's willing to explore air, air quote this taboo
is also willing, maybe if, if they feel like they're wired
that way to explore open relationships,
non-monogamy, polyamory, whatever.
Um, so that's part of it. Mm-Hmm. .
Um, the other part of it is people cluster together like
clusters to like, not, not an insignificant amount of time.
Right. So it's very possible that
the community you happened to, uh, go to first,
your first month, your first event, however mm-Hmm.
you're experiencing the kink community
happened to be a bunch of non-monogamous people
who gathered together, or, you know, it wasn't always
that way, but enough non-monogamous people
felt comfortable there.
So they started telling their friends, hey,
or they started feeling comfortable
enough to explore and express.
And so now you've got a little cluster
of non-monogamous people who, you know, air quote this.
And I, I eye rolling a little bit
'cause I don't love the language of it,
but they feel like they're everywhere.
They're really not. Mm-Hmm.
, it goes back to what you said.
When you're monogamous, you don't have
to talk about being monogamous in under
typical circumstances.
Right. Because it is considered the norm.
So is it that everybody in your,
the community you're experiencing is non monogamous?
Or it's the people you're talking to who aren't you talking
to, who's over there just ha living their life
and they don't need
to talk about the state of their relationship?
Mm-Hmm. , because there's nothing really
for them to talk about.
Um, but if you feel like,
and your experience has been that you are in a group of
majority non monogamous people,
and you do not feel like you are able
to meet another monogamous person in this group,
then it is time to expand your group.
Um, if you're in a major metro area, which quite frankly,
if you are in a group of air,
quote this majority non monogamous people,
you can't tell me you're not near a major
metro area .
Right. Um, so there are probably other events
and other groups you can go explore and see Mm-Hmm.
if the vibe is the right match for you, um,
to see if you can find maybe potential partners.
There are absolutely, um, communities
where they'll do singles nights and they'll do Mm-Hmm.
, um, little sort of like events that are more
for you to not, it's not like a dating service,
but sort of for you to, everybody knows they're there
to maybe meet somebody that they might have an attraction to
and get to, to do something, whether explore something,
whether date or get kinky, whatever, whatever.
Right? So if this is not the right fit for you,
and you do not feel like these are, these are your people,
then it's time to go find more people.
Yeah. Um, , if,
however you can, next time you go to one of those events,
you can step back a little bit
and see, you know, as there's a word sort of objectively
as any one person can, and step back
and look at the actual crowd.
Are you going to talk to the same 10 people every time
and there's another 20 people you've
never introduced yourself to?
Then it's not the group,
it's the people you're gravitating towards.
So maybe go introduce yourself to other people. Mm-Hmm.
. Um, but let's get into some
of the other parts of
- This.
If there's now one other, one other quick thing I
wanna add, add to that.
Um, you know, if you live in an area
and you cannot find a, a group outside of these poly groups,
um, maybe look at starting something.
Sure, sure.
You know, um, start your own group that, that fits
what you are looking for better.
- I would not advertise it as monogamous people only, like
that's, but you, you know, your vibe attracts your tribe.
I mean, that's cliche and kind of silly,
but it, it really does.
If you want to bring more or different
or other people into your kink community,
start your own munch.
Yeah. Start a group, have a meetup, something,
it will be small at first, most likely,
but if you, you know, maintain a good kind
of community vibe, it can grow
- Over time.
Yeah. I mean, it could be a possibility that, you know, the,
uh, this, this poly group within this community, uh,
they have put together, you know,
these functions for themselves.
Sure. And there could very well be a number
of monogamous people in the community
who knowing they're not poly,
do not attend this particular event.
- That is very possible. You know, that is typically though,
you will see common language to, to, like, there's a way
to let people know that this is, you know, mostly
non-monogamous folks.
Mm-Hmm. . Um,
but yeah, I, I think you have a lot of options.
Expand your horizons within the group.
Look for other events and groups and meetups
and munches and whatever else.
Um, start your own thing if, if you don't think it exists.
Those, those are all, those are all your options.
But the, the basic answer to your basic question,
you are not the only monogamous person in kink, uh, the,
every time we get this question, it is, I think out of 10,
almost 10 years of doing this,
I think we've received one question
where the per person was non monogamous.
And they're like, how do I find the
other non monogamous people?
Mm-Hmm. . And the rest of the time it's a,
it's a monogamous person going, I'm the only one.
You are never the only one.
Monogamy is still the cultural norm,
at least here where we live.
Yeah. And we are still, I say we we're not monogamous.
Monogamous people are still the majority.
Um, it might be
that in kink you get a slightly different percentage.
Mm-Hmm. , because kinky people tend
to be more open to all kinds of exploration,
but monogamy is still the majority nearly everywhere.
So let's get into some
of these other thoughts you've expressed.
Okay. Um, so when you have
to tell me twice in one paragraph that you're trying not
to judge, you might not realize it.
I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt.
You're, you're coming across as judgmental.
I do like the, uh, I actually like the expression,
am I the freak among freaks?
We're all freaks secret. Yeah. Okay.
It doesn't matter what your flavor or freak is.
We're all freaks here. Um, so I can almost
hear other non-monogamous people grinding their teeth at the
idea that non-monogamy polyamory open
relationships is a trend.
Yeah. That's like saying every marginalized identity, like
gender and sexuality is a trend.
Why? Because we are just seeing it more
because we have access.
Mm-Hmm. , we have access to being able
to see people that we would never have seen
prior pre-internet.
And more people are starting
to feel more comfortable expressing their identities
and their ways of being and living where we can see it.
And within the kink community, in kink safe spaces
where we think, Hey, this is a place where I'm allowed
to kind of just be who I am.
Then we, uh, many people, not all,
but many people feel even more safe
hearing about something more than you ever did at
some point in your life.
Pre kink, I would imagine does not mean it's new or trendy.
Mm-Hmm. it just means you're gaining more
exposure to it and more people are starting
to feel more comfortable expressing themselves.
Mm-Hmm. , um, the example that gets used online
all the time, usually when we're having to,
to fight the argument that being trans is trendy.
It's not, it's not trans people have also always existed,
but the argument that gets used
or the, the example that gets used is that once we hit
that point in time where, um, schools stop trying
to force left-handed people to be Right-handed.
Yeah. . Then there was a spike
of left-handed people, left-handed.
People weren't just all born in one year that year. Mm-Hmm.
, it was, they no longer had
to pretend to be something.
They weren't. They're not. And so the numbers
skyrocketed for a few years.
Mm-Hmm. . And people going,
Hey, yeah, I'm left-handed.
And then it, it stabilized and it normalized.
And now it's like typical, like whatever part of the, uh,
percentage of humanity is left-handed is, is stabilized.
This is not any different .
Um, I do think more people are now being
feeling more, I don't know, say if comfortable is the word,
but feeling like they have the option
to explore non-monogamy Yeah.
Than ever before. But the desire for it is not a new thing.
It's just the, Hey, wait, I have a, a way
to go figure out am I this Mm-Hmm.
how does this work?
And quite frankly, non-monogamous people are ab not in the
same way that like other marginalized identities are,
but they're absolutely still looked down upon part
of the wording of your question, even if that's not
what you intended is a good example of it.
Right? Mm-Hmm. , like, what's
wrong with all these poly people?
And there's definitely the trope
and the stereotype online of, well,
if you're non-monogamous, you're just a cheater.
You're just trying to like justify your cheating.
So there's stereotypes and there's Yeah.
You know, there's pushback from, uh, people
who don't want the, the standard and the norm
and the typical change, uh, monogamous people mostly.
So , just
because you're seeing it more,
doesn't mean it just started existing once
you paid attention to it.
- . Right. Right. It's been around, it's, yeah.
It's been around it. It, it has been there
and you know, now just like everything else, you know,
more people are talking about it.
So it seems more visible. Yes.
Um, you know, now going into the other,
do you think it will continue to be this way?
Um, here's my take on it.
It will continue to be that way until it isn't
- .
Yeah. It's that same spike of everybody's left-handed
for some reason until it
- Stabilizes, uh, you know, let it,
it is just another cycle.
Mm-Hmm. maybe. Mm-Hmm. .
Um, you know, you go back into the, into the BDSM world.
There was a time when, when old guard was prevalent. Sure.
Okay. Uh, the Gorian movement brought about
- Master slave owner.
- Slave master slave owner. Yeah.
Kink. Yeah. . Thank you.
- Yeah. - And then high protocol, which was another one
that was prevalent for a while.
And then it kind of, you know. Right.
And, and it's still there. People still do high protocol,
but you know, it, it is move.
It has become, you know, from,
- It's right along the lines.
The, the most contemporary example I think we can give is 50
shades has made everybody kinky know
the fuck It didn't
- - Know the fuck it.
I watched an internet comment conversation on
the kin's Instagram.
Mm-Hmm. quite frankly, I thought I posted
something funny and folks started getting philosophical
and there had somebody had to educate another person
that all these problems
that you were outlining about what's wrong in kink,
they were blaming 50 shades.
They're like, no, no, no. This existed before 50 shades.
Like kink existed before 50 shades. Right.
So anything that gains some perceived
popularity, right.
Where people, more people explore it,
more people talk about it more is a subjective
term more than what?
Mm-Hmm. . I don't know. I can't measure that.
If you are not part of that group that identifies
with whatever that thing is,
it will feel like it is quote everywhere.
Yeah. Um, and especially if you don't identify with it
and don't want to explore it for yourself, you're like,
oh my God, I can't get away from it.
It's mostly 'cause you're probably hyper aware and
or you have Well, we said to the beginning,
you have come across a part of the kink community
where a bunch of non-monogamous people
either found one another Mm-Hmm.
or were brought together purposefully
and they just feel comfortable with one another.
Right. And so you like just found them without realizing
that's what the group was.
They are not representative of all of kink.
There's no single group, kink group you can walk into
that is representative of all of kink.
It's way too individualized.
- It's too nuanced and diversified.
- Right. So . Yeah.
It's gonna seem like everybody's talking about it
until it becomes normal to you.
Mm-Hmm. and being normal to you does not mean
that you're required to go do it.
It just means it's not, it's not novel anymore.
It's not this strange thing to you
that you have to wrap your mind around.
It's just a thing that's kind of background noise.
'cause it doesn't apply to you.
You don't want it, but you know, it exists.
And we, for many people, especially new to communities,
you don't have to be new to kink, but new to a community
where that is open
and people do feel comfortable talking about that
and being themselves in that way.
Yeah. You're gonna feel like, wait,
is, is this the whole thing?
Is this everything? 'cause it's not normalized for you yet.
Once it is, you probably won't even notice it that much.
Mm-Hmm. . That doesn't mean you have
to stay in, in a group where you don't feel like you're
meeting the people that are right for you.
That, especially when you're specifically looking for
somebody who might be a potential partner,
you're not required to stay in a group, you know,
if it's not a good fit for you,
but to, to look at a group of people that
because you don't, their,
their life is not the one you would want
and you feel like you're outnumbered in the group
does not make it trendy.
. Mm-Hmm. it just means you've never
been in the minority for something before
and you're, you're getting to go through
that experience on some scale.
Um, I'm not saying you're, I don't know anything about you.
I'm not saying you're not a minority,
but you've, you've been monogamous
and now you're the minority
or perceived minority from monogamous to non monogamous.
And there's a shift you have to go through. Mm-Hmm.
to like, you know, learn
to like, not freak out about it.
I'm not saying you're freaking out, but there's,
there's a lot here.
Okay. Anything else about that?
Because there is, there is definitely one part Yeah.
We have to touch on because I can almost hear our
non-monogamous folks screeching in the
background as you should.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Where was it? Here we go. .
I'm starting to feel resentful
and sometimes wondering if the only friends I'm making in
the community aren't really my friends,
but just see me as a potential sex partner.
We've, yeah. You've got to unpack that because Mm-Hmm.
, and I can, I'm, I am a
straight cis straightish.
I haven't explored, but I'm mostly straight.
I'm definitely cis.
I've never had to think about my identity that much,
so I don't wanna speak Mm-Hmm.
for people. But I'm going to relay things
as I have heard them explained to the world.
That's like thinking that
because you are friends with, let's say I'm a woman
and I'm friends with lesbians.
Maybe they're not really my friends.
Maybe they want to hit on me.
If that, that should feel a little gross. . Okay.
It's not that much different.
What you're describing here is not that much different.
It is assuming that these people
are not really your friends.
They see you as like a mark that they're gonna come at
and they're being dishonest about it.
I, I, people who have a better way of explaining this
and a better lived experience can probably explain this
better than I can, but that that's distasteful .
Yeah. Disrespectful and it's
- Distasteful.
Right. And, and, and my first thought on seeing that was,
you know, and don't get me wrong,
being poly can involve sex.
Yeah. But the thing with poly over say swinging
or maybe having an open relationship is that in poly it's
as much and more about the feels about creating
a connection with somebody.
Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. actually
building a relationship than, you know,
just jumping into bed.
- Right? Like, if you've got the major umbrella term
of non-monogamy Mm-Hmm.
. And then you break that out between open
relationship swinging polyamory, like you've got all kinds
of different experiences going on there.
Um, and what I don't know is, are you using poly
as the catchall for non-monogamy?
Or do you mean specifically polyamorous?
But I think that I
I'm not saying you're a bad human
being for having these thoughts.
I am saying you are absolutely showing signs of somebody
who has never come across this, um, mm-Hmm.
anything outside of your perceived norm.
And it is making you uncomfortable.
And I am glad that you are not walking around asking your,
your friends who are non-monogamous.
Are you my friend? 'cause you want
to get in my pants , or are you my friend?
Like, I'm, I'm glad you do not appear to be doing that.
Right. Please don't do that. Um, I do think that
what you are feeling
and how you are perceiving this is a you thing.
I, I mean, I, you have not explained anything
that makes me think that you're walking into kink events
and all the non-monogamous people are just walking
around like trying to like bump uglies with you
because you walked in the room
and they assumed you were non-monogamous.
The vast majority of non-monogamous people, certainly the
responsible Mm-Hmm.
ethical, non-monogamous people are aware
that quite frankly, most people are monogamous.
They're gonna be more aware of it than you are. Mm-Hmm.
because they have to navigate the world
knowing that they want a different relationship style
and they're mostly gonna meet monogamous people.
So I feel like you're projecting a little bit Mm-Hmm.
. And you're worried about a thing
that maybe hasn't happened.
And also you are, I would say you're frustrated
'cause you wanna meet a partner and you're meeting people
who are not right for you.
That is, that is a you problem, not a them problem. Right.
They're not doing anything wrong by just existing
and offering you friendship.
You are having feelings, strong feelings about wanting
to find a partner and only in your mind only coming across
people who will not be a good fit for you.
It's actually a really good skill to learn to realize
who is not a good fit for you.
That is how you Mm-Hmm. mostly,
often not always avoid relationships that are gonna,
are not gonna end well.
Right. Yeah. You're actually learning a very good skill
here, but to, to worry
and to start feeling resentful that they're only friends
with you because you might be a potential partner.
Yeah. I just, I mean,
- I mean, if, if that really is the case, that's, that,
that's a no on them.
Um, because just like with any ster, uh, you know, of, of,
of any diversity, no matter where you are in, in,
in the kink scenes, you know, it's, it's a matter
of respecting boundaries.
Mm-Hmm. . And, you know, if you
attend this group and they are aware that you are
monogamous, you know, and,
and not poly, you know,
they should be respecting those boundaries.
- Right. And if you're in a group that's not respecting your
boundaries, you're not in the right group for you at all.
Mm-Hmm. , you need to withdraw yourself
and go find another community space.
Right? I mean, that's just a given. Mm-Hmm. .
Um, but are they disrespecting your boundaries
or are you worried that maybe they could,
because again, the feelings of resentment are building
because you want something
that you are not finding in this group.
Mm-Hmm. the thing is, um, even I'll say this,
even if you live in like a very small area,
you have more opportunities for community than you realize.
They might not always be in person.
Sometimes they're gonna have to be online. Mm-Hmm.
. Or you're gonna have to travel for it.
I absolutely know people who live in such a space
where in order to have in-person community,
it's probably a couple hour drive.
Yes. Or more. That definitely exists.
But if you have the means and the opportunity
and the willingness, then that's what you do
to go find your community and or you get online.
Because online you will absolutely find even more diversity
of spaces, of types of communities, of types of people.
Because in on the internet, it's a little bit easier to kind
of categorize, Hey, this is what our group is
and that's what their group is, and Mm-Hmm.
, you know, you can search for that.
So, you know, if you haven't already started exploring
beyond what you found initially
and where you started going, that's the next step.
If, if the folks that you're around are not, you know,
if the group, the community is not giving you what you need
and you're not finding what you need here,
then go find another group.
Or like you said, create it for yourself. Mm-Hmm.
. But please, please, please
do not put your issues on these folks who by,
by the little bit you've told us here seem to not that like,
nobody's like coming up to you
and like pressing themselves up against you going, Hey,
be my third partner.
I mean, are they, if that's the case,
- That's different.
I mean, if, if that, if that is the case, then
that's a whole different situation
that's, I don't think that's happening.
And, and you need to to definitely step back. Yes.
- I don't think that's what's happening here.
I think you're projecting a little bit.
I think you are, you know, frustrated.
I think that you are maybe a little overwhelmed by it
because it's not normal to you.
Lola agrees. Mm-Hmm. .
Um, so the way I see it, Mm-Hmm.
, JB please, please jump in. Okay.
Is if you are unhappy in this
group, step back from this group.
Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Because the more unhappy you
are, the more that's gonna leak out onto them.
And if they haven't actually done
anything to you, that's not fair to them.
Right. Um, the other thing I would say is maybe do some,
spend some time learning, um, from online sources or books
or whatever, um, about non-monogamy, just to kind
of get your mind wrapped around it.
Not Mm-Hmm. to convince yourself whether
you're into it or not, but just maybe
so you have a better understanding that's optional,
but I highly recommend, um,
and then go seek out community that's a better fit.
If this group isn't absolutely.
Isn't it go, it's okay to
go seek out people we are more comfortable with.
I personally believe
that there should be some introspection on your part about
why you're uncomfortable
and are there some things maybe you can unlearn?
You know, I, I think that that is, especially when you
identity is closer to whatever the air quote norm is,
like you're monogamous
and you are now deeply uncomfortable
with non-monogamous people.
I think that's something that you should explore internally.
Mm-Hmm. . Um,
but you don't, nobody is required to be around people
that they don't feel comfortable being around.
Right. Or in a group they're not comfortable with.
They're in a place they're not happy.
Like, go find your people if these people are not, not it.
And especially if you know you have
or are borderline on the verge of saying
or doing something that might be offensive or inappropriate
because you're frustrated.
Right. Like, that's, that that shouldn't be their problem.
That's a you thing. Right. So, basic question.
You're not the only monogamous person. No. You never were.
You never are. Mm-Hmm. , um, no.
Uh, non-monogamy is not a trend.
It's just less quiet than it used to. It used to be to be.
Yeah. Um, and we have resources to be able to find out
what other people do and think and believe than we Mm-Hmm.
, you know, than we did 20 years ago. Right.
Right. Um, I think we all have the right to be around people
that we're most comfortable with.
And if they're not it true, true. Go find those people.
Create the group yourself if you need to.
Um, and yeah, I, the, the ultimate question is how,
you know, how do I work through these feelings about being
disrespectful towards poly people?
I think that you do not place these problems on poly
people to help you fix.
Mm-Hmm. , I don't think that you
walk into the next event and say something.
I think you, you, you work on that on your own time.
If you happen to have non-monogamous friends who are willing
to educate you on their experiences, that's great.
Yeah. But, you know, it's, it's a goal.
Go figure out why you are feeling this way, what you can do
for yourself to find the right people, you know, find a,
a better fit community-wise, whatever.
And just don't put your hard feelings on these folks who
by all accounts are just trying to freaking exist.
Mm-Hmm. and have happened
to have found their community spot
where they can be openly themselves.
That is true. A beautiful fucking thing. Yeah.
When somebody can be openly themselves in a way
that doesn't harm anybody else, right.
They're just existing.
And do, I mean, I would feel bad for them.
Do they realize that they're existing
and maybe they think you are their friend
and they don't know, or, you know, maybe they do.
I don't know that you're over there worried
that they're friends with you, just
'cause you, they see you, you think they see you
as a potential future partner.
Like I just, that's not fair to them either.
So yeah, I would,
I would seek out community that's a better fit.
I would do some internal work on,
on your feelings of discomfort.
Maybe learn a bit more about non-monogamy.
Um, anything else that
- I, I think we've, - Yeah.
Although we are one version of non-monogamous,
we do not speak for all non-monogamous people.
Um, I would highly encourage anybody who, um,
has either experienced this and worked your way through it
or has been on the receiving end of this,
or has watched maybe your monogamous
friends kind of go through it.
If you have some, um, experiences to share,
resources to share, feel free
- Insight.
- Yeah. Insight, right? Mm-Hmm.
, feel free to share in the ways
that you can Podcast listeners is a little bit hard
'cause you're listening through a podcast, but you can als
always reach out on social.
Um, the show notes page on our
website has a comment section.
YouTube folks, the, the comment section is open.
We welcome, um, uh,
objective constructive feedback.
We do not have all the answers. No.
Uh, we don't, we are non-monogamous,
but that's not our area of expertise either.
We don't spend a lot of time talking about it.
Um, we navigate it imperfectly in our own
way, and that's about it.
So there will be other people
and other resources that are better
fit for this conversation,
- You know, for share those place, you know, for, for us,
it's been a live and learn.
Mm-Hmm. and learn as we go
kind of thing. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm.
- . Yep. And we're still working through Yep.
Stuff about it. Um, so we are not ever, I think gonna go,
yeah, we can talk about this.
We, we can only share our own experiences. Yeah.
But so, um, yeah.
Feel free to share in the places where things can be shared
and we hope this person can find their, their community and,
and adjust maybe some of their thought processes.
There you go. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm.
, thanks for listening
to this week's q and a episode.
If you want us to answer one of your questions,
just use the contact page on our website@lovingbdsm.net,
or you can find the link in the show notes.
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