1 00:00:10,785 --> 00:00:12,485 - You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, 2 00:00:12,635 --> 00:00:14,005 episode 3 91. 3 00:00:14,235 --> 00:00:15,325 Kill the Lord's here with a one. 4 00:00:15,425 --> 00:00:18,845 The only, the, are you caffeinated enough, John Brownstone? 5 00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:20,125 - I believe so. - Wow. 6 00:00:20,125 --> 00:00:21,605 What's that like? I've never lived that 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:22,565 - Way. It's a marvelous thing. 8 00:00:22,925 --> 00:00:24,645 - I can't imagine. I don't think I've ever been 9 00:00:24,645 --> 00:00:25,645 - Caffeinated in this. 10 00:00:25,645 --> 00:00:27,645 Now, will I crash hard later? Probably. Probably. 11 00:00:27,955 --> 00:00:29,285 - Yeah. But you're not the type 12 00:00:29,285 --> 00:00:30,965 that gets the jitters from too much caffeine. 13 00:00:31,025 --> 00:00:34,165 No. My anxious thoughts race. Like, it, it gets bad up here. 14 00:00:34,355 --> 00:00:36,605 It's, it's, oh, never a pretty place. Right? 15 00:00:36,605 --> 00:00:37,765 - Don't have that problem. Yeah, 16 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,205 - I know. 17 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:40,005 I don't understand you, . 18 00:00:40,025 --> 00:00:41,285 That's not what we're here for. 19 00:00:41,505 --> 00:00:42,925 That's not what we're here for. 20 00:00:43,245 --> 00:00:46,365 uh, this week our topic comes straight from 21 00:00:46,365 --> 00:00:47,405 our Patreon community. 22 00:00:47,865 --> 00:00:51,685 The question a, a question was asked 23 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,165 during our most recent q and a. 24 00:00:53,165 --> 00:00:54,965 We do a monthly live stream q 25 00:00:54,965 --> 00:00:56,685 and a for our members every month. 26 00:00:57,385 --> 00:00:59,245 And then we were, somebody was like, 27 00:00:59,245 --> 00:01:00,245 can you make this a full topic? 28 00:01:00,505 --> 00:01:01,565 So here we are. 29 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,245 We're gonna talk about confidence in your dynamic 30 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:05,805 and your kink identity. 31 00:01:06,665 --> 00:01:08,045 We had thoughts the other day. 32 00:01:08,045 --> 00:01:09,165 Let's see if we still have thoughts. 33 00:01:09,165 --> 00:01:11,685 - Don't have them. Yeah. Yeah. That was then. 34 00:01:11,685 --> 00:01:13,885 This is now, right? Exactly. , 35 00:01:14,195 --> 00:01:15,925 - Welcome to Loving BDSM podcast. 36 00:01:16,155 --> 00:01:17,885 This is your first time listening. Glad to have you. 37 00:01:17,885 --> 00:01:19,365 If you're back for another week, welcome back. 38 00:01:19,465 --> 00:01:21,325 Loving BDSM is produced every Monday 39 00:01:21,325 --> 00:01:23,165 and Friday for your Kiki Pleasure and education. 40 00:01:23,345 --> 00:01:26,045 And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 41 00:01:26,355 --> 00:01:28,005 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast 42 00:01:28,185 --> 00:01:29,405 to your favorite podcast app. 43 00:01:29,625 --> 00:01:33,165 You can also follow the show on Fe life at Loving b Dsm pc. 44 00:01:33,225 --> 00:01:35,805 The PC stands for podcast on Instagram 45 00:01:35,945 --> 00:01:36,965 and threads at that handle. 46 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,485 I will forever fucking hate. 47 00:01:39,675 --> 00:01:43,365 With passion of a thousand Sons. 48 00:01:44,065 --> 00:01:46,925 Uh, that handle is lovings 49 00:01:47,145 --> 00:01:51,125 and the number one, uh, loving Ds one, uh, 50 00:01:51,185 --> 00:01:54,045 or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving 51 00:01:54,435 --> 00:01:55,525 bdsm, where you can watch us live. 52 00:01:55,525 --> 00:01:57,005 Stream the podcast every Wednesday. 53 00:01:57,225 --> 00:01:58,325 All links are in the show notes. 54 00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:00,005 A big thanks as always, 55 00:02:00,025 --> 00:02:01,805 to our Kinky patrons over on Patreon, 56 00:02:01,805 --> 00:02:02,925 including our newest peeps. 57 00:02:02,925 --> 00:02:05,805 Uh, we're able to keep being weirdos on the internet, uh, 58 00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:07,605 in large part because of our patrons, 59 00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:10,165 and we are grateful for every fucking one of you. 60 00:02:11,675 --> 00:02:14,925 Lola agrees. If you'd like to join our Kinky community 61 00:02:14,925 --> 00:02:18,325 and get access to extra content like that monthly live q 62 00:02:18,325 --> 00:02:21,165 and a and our Discord server with a group of super cool, 63 00:02:21,165 --> 00:02:22,525 super nice kinks, you can do that. 64 00:02:22,525 --> 00:02:25,805 Just join us at patreon.com/kayla lords, 65 00:02:26,545 --> 00:02:29,885 that's patreon.com/kayla lords, 66 00:02:29,905 --> 00:02:32,645 or use the link in the show notes, and you have to, 67 00:02:33,005 --> 00:02:34,205 'cause Lola said so. 68 00:02:35,585 --> 00:02:38,565 - And also, I just like to say the award 69 00:02:38,865 --> 00:02:42,245 for best drama portrayal goes to Kayla Lords 70 00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:44,605 for her Instagram handle. 71 00:02:46,085 --> 00:02:49,285 I get get so angry every time about 72 00:02:49,285 --> 00:02:50,285 - It. 73 00:02:50,285 --> 00:02:53,205 Oh my God. Anyway, okay. 74 00:02:53,785 --> 00:02:55,045 J's leaving me alone for me 75 00:02:55,045 --> 00:02:56,125 to get through the announcements. 76 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,965 Uh, you would think I would be able to do this with, 77 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,080 with no problem, but, you know. 78 00:03:01,275 --> 00:03:04,325 Okay. So first announcement, uh, I added a couple 79 00:03:04,465 --> 00:03:07,805 of new things to the Loving BDSM Etsy shop. 80 00:03:07,805 --> 00:03:09,965 They're under the loving BDSM merch 81 00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:12,285 category on our Etsy shop. 82 00:03:12,545 --> 00:03:14,445 The link to the Etsy shop is in the places. 83 00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:17,885 Uh, the two things I added are, uh, t-shirts. 84 00:03:17,905 --> 00:03:21,365 Uh, one is where I say too often, uh, 85 00:03:21,365 --> 00:03:24,525 after Lola has howled in the background, Lola agrees. 86 00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:25,845 Well, we now have a shirt 87 00:03:26,305 --> 00:03:28,925 and, um, YouTube folks are more familiar 88 00:03:28,925 --> 00:03:30,325 with this than podcast listeners, 89 00:03:30,385 --> 00:03:33,565 but, uh, I often say, just do what Daddy says. 90 00:03:33,565 --> 00:03:35,885 And that is now a shirt as well. 91 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:38,565 So, uh, for anybody who was like, no, 92 00:03:38,605 --> 00:03:39,805 I, I want that, I want that. 93 00:03:39,905 --> 00:03:41,245 You can have it. Uh, 94 00:03:41,245 --> 00:03:43,445 it's on our Etsy shop link in the places. 95 00:03:44,185 --> 00:03:48,755 Um, I think I've already preached the, Hey, 96 00:03:48,755 --> 00:03:51,475 join us on Patreon thing, so I won't do that again. 97 00:03:51,505 --> 00:03:54,875 I'll just remind you this week episode comes from Patreon, 98 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,995 and so you could, you could be part 99 00:03:56,995 --> 00:03:58,635 of our Patreon too, if you would like. 100 00:03:58,665 --> 00:04:02,515 Okay. The third, technically, the second, technically the, 101 00:04:03,435 --> 00:04:04,715 I don't know what, whatever that was. 102 00:04:04,775 --> 00:04:07,075 Um, 2.5. Yes. Thank you. 103 00:04:07,195 --> 00:04:09,555 I was, I'd forgotten how fractions work for a second. 104 00:04:09,935 --> 00:04:11,715 And decimals, and I was very confused. 105 00:04:12,735 --> 00:04:16,315 Anyway, we were several weeks ago, interviewed 106 00:04:16,375 --> 00:04:20,395 for the Taboo Science podcast member. 107 00:04:20,505 --> 00:04:21,555 Yeah, you were there. Yeah. 108 00:04:21,915 --> 00:04:24,395 , where the episode was about 109 00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:26,155 BDSM and why people do it. 110 00:04:26,155 --> 00:04:27,395 And we were not the only ones interviewed. 111 00:04:27,695 --> 00:04:29,715 Um, but that episode is now out, 112 00:04:29,945 --> 00:04:32,595 it's available on YouTube for YouTube folks. 113 00:04:32,735 --> 00:04:36,635 It, that's linked in the places where we keep links 114 00:04:36,855 --> 00:04:38,675 for podcast, uh, listeners. 115 00:04:38,675 --> 00:04:40,075 There is a audio version 116 00:04:40,265 --> 00:04:42,555 that will be linked in the show notes if you would like to, 117 00:04:42,735 --> 00:04:43,755 um, listen to that. 118 00:04:44,015 --> 00:04:45,435 Um, taboo Science, um, 119 00:04:45,615 --> 00:04:48,715 her thing is looking at things that are considered taboo. 120 00:04:48,895 --> 00:04:51,915 Not just sex, but other things and talking to real people, 121 00:04:51,975 --> 00:04:54,475 but also talking to, like, like looking at the research 122 00:04:54,475 --> 00:04:56,155 and talking to science scientists. 123 00:04:56,155 --> 00:04:58,275 Like, why do we do this and why is this a thing? 124 00:04:58,815 --> 00:05:02,035 And I believe, um, she's been doing like a whole like, 125 00:05:02,215 --> 00:05:04,995 series on, on BDSM 126 00:05:04,995 --> 00:05:07,435 or kink in, in some form or fashion. 127 00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,795 So yeah, we're there. Mm-Hmm. 128 00:05:09,835 --> 00:05:11,075 , we got interviewed. Um, 129 00:05:12,415 --> 00:05:13,995 so we would love it if you would check it out. 130 00:05:13,995 --> 00:05:14,995 Mm-Hmm. . Um, 131 00:05:15,935 --> 00:05:19,555 and I, I can pretty much guarantee that'll be more concise 132 00:05:19,555 --> 00:05:20,835 than anything you get from us. 133 00:05:21,135 --> 00:05:25,755 So, , um, the video was, um, 134 00:05:26,375 --> 00:05:27,995 37 minutes long. 135 00:05:28,135 --> 00:05:30,595 If you, if you like, how, how much 136 00:05:30,595 --> 00:05:31,955 of my life will I give away for this, 137 00:05:31,985 --> 00:05:33,155 that that's how much . 138 00:05:33,655 --> 00:05:36,755 Um, okay. So this week's episode, Mm-Hmm. 139 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:39,715 is taken from a question that we got 140 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,435 during our Patreon live q and a. 141 00:05:41,435 --> 00:05:42,875 How many times can I tell you that we do 142 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,235 that over on our Patreon community? 143 00:05:44,455 --> 00:05:46,755 I'm just saying, just saying the exact question 144 00:05:46,755 --> 00:05:48,475 that was asked was how 145 00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,715 to become more confident in your dynamic role 146 00:05:50,775 --> 00:05:52,115 and find your kinky identity. 147 00:05:52,595 --> 00:05:55,075 I have mushed that together to talk about confidence in your 148 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:57,035 dynamic and your kinky identity. 149 00:05:57,305 --> 00:05:58,885 That's what we're gonna focus on here. 150 00:05:59,345 --> 00:06:03,565 We have, um, it was episode 150, uh, 151 00:06:03,565 --> 00:06:06,285 talked about confidence as a dominant Mm-Hmm. 152 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:08,125 , um, because that is a question 153 00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:09,445 that comes up a lot. 154 00:06:09,515 --> 00:06:12,245 Sure. But I think we're going to, for the most part, 155 00:06:12,295 --> 00:06:16,925 speak a little bit more generally about just confidence 156 00:06:17,465 --> 00:06:19,325 in who you are as a kinky person 157 00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:21,405 and what you might be doing regardless of your role. 158 00:06:21,985 --> 00:06:26,965 Um, and so that is what we are talking about today. 159 00:06:28,225 --> 00:06:32,325 Um, go, I, I, when we got the question during the q 160 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:35,445 and a, I, I know none of you are surprised 161 00:06:35,445 --> 00:06:38,805 that I was barreled right on in with my initial thought. 162 00:06:39,425 --> 00:06:41,325 So I'm not gonna do that this time. 163 00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:45,645 , and I'm gonna say, Hey, jb, 164 00:06:46,195 --> 00:06:47,725 what are your thoughts on, on this? 165 00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:50,045 And also, I have a child texting me, so now it's your turn. 166 00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:55,005 - Uh oh. Okay. Um, you know, I I, I think the big part of 167 00:06:55,635 --> 00:06:57,965 finding your identity 168 00:06:59,945 --> 00:07:03,965 is pretty much just immersing yourself in the lifestyle 169 00:07:05,145 --> 00:07:06,725 and learning. 170 00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:12,365 And the funny thing is, is that I, you know, 171 00:07:14,675 --> 00:07:17,765 finding your identity is not the end all, be all. 172 00:07:17,795 --> 00:07:20,805 It's not the destination. Right. So to speak. 173 00:07:20,805 --> 00:07:22,805 Because, you know, 174 00:07:22,905 --> 00:07:25,765 for all the years I've been in the lifestyle, I'm, I'm still 175 00:07:26,645 --> 00:07:28,405 learning new things and absorbing new things 176 00:07:28,425 --> 00:07:29,485 and trying new things 177 00:07:29,745 --> 00:07:31,685 and, you know, this, that and the other. 178 00:07:32,025 --> 00:07:34,005 And, and it's something that is 179 00:07:35,325 --> 00:07:37,205 continuously growing and changing. 180 00:07:38,345 --> 00:07:42,005 You know, it, it's not something that you, you know, like, 181 00:07:42,265 --> 00:07:44,925 you find the priceless artifact, oh, I've got it, you know, 182 00:07:45,095 --> 00:07:46,365 all's good now I'm done. 183 00:07:46,595 --> 00:07:50,525 Yeah. You know, it's, uh, it, it's not really ever done. 184 00:07:50,985 --> 00:07:53,125 At least I don't think so. I mean, I think 185 00:07:53,125 --> 00:07:54,125 - It's, I don't think so. 186 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:57,325 I think you can become confident even as you keep learning. 187 00:07:57,585 --> 00:08:01,005 You are, um, I would like to think we are both, 188 00:08:01,185 --> 00:08:03,245 - Excuse me, - Very confident in our dynamic. 189 00:08:03,545 --> 00:08:06,165 We know who we are in relation to each other. 190 00:08:06,905 --> 00:08:09,925 We have had enough ups and downs as a couple 191 00:08:10,425 --> 00:08:13,525 and come out the other side without, you know, 192 00:08:13,655 --> 00:08:15,805 physically harming the other or getting a divorce. 193 00:08:17,345 --> 00:08:20,885 Um, and we, you know, our power exchange is still intact. 194 00:08:21,005 --> 00:08:24,365 I think there that confidence can and can exist 195 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,805 and will exist for folks eventually. 196 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,925 I think that it's all a time issue. 197 00:08:30,955 --> 00:08:33,045 It's a time and an experience. I think you're right. 198 00:08:33,065 --> 00:08:34,805 You have to keep growing. You have to keep learning. Mm-Hmm. 199 00:08:34,845 --> 00:08:35,925 , you have to keep learning about yourself. 200 00:08:36,145 --> 00:08:38,245 You need to keep, you know, learning new skills 201 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:39,485 and exploring ideas. 202 00:08:40,065 --> 00:08:44,405 And it is a journey. There's no destination to confidence. 203 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:45,805 I don't think that exists. 204 00:08:45,965 --> 00:08:48,085 I agree with that, but I think that, you know, 205 00:08:48,105 --> 00:08:52,885 if I compare submissive me of today to submissive me 206 00:08:53,385 --> 00:08:57,445 of 20 12, 20 13, that's a whole different person. 207 00:08:57,715 --> 00:08:59,525 Yeah. Right. Like I, yeah. 208 00:08:59,905 --> 00:09:04,165 And, and I have my own specific path into all of that, 209 00:09:04,165 --> 00:09:05,405 that other people won't. 210 00:09:05,405 --> 00:09:08,405 Like, I did not go through the worry 211 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:11,445 and the guilt of what does this mean about me as a person 212 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,125 to find out that I'm submissive. 213 00:09:13,555 --> 00:09:17,565 Just like, you know, not all doms go through what you did, 214 00:09:17,615 --> 00:09:21,005 which is, oh my God, am I actually going against all 215 00:09:21,005 --> 00:09:22,085 of my education? 216 00:09:22,085 --> 00:09:26,085 My bri my background of you don't hit a person. Right? 217 00:09:26,085 --> 00:09:27,725 Mm-Hmm. . Like, I didn't, personally, 218 00:09:27,765 --> 00:09:28,885 I didn't go through any of that, 219 00:09:28,885 --> 00:09:32,045 and I still did not have a lot of confidence in myself. 220 00:09:32,165 --> 00:09:35,565 Yeah. In the beginning, you know, uh, confidence 221 00:09:35,665 --> 00:09:39,165 to me comes from doing the thing, 222 00:09:40,555 --> 00:09:42,005 adjusting learning. 223 00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:43,205 Mm-Hmm. admitting mistakes 224 00:09:43,545 --> 00:09:46,885 and getting on the other side of hard parts of it to go, 225 00:09:46,905 --> 00:09:49,205 Hey, wait, I, I made it through the world. 226 00:09:49,235 --> 00:09:53,045 Yeah. Did not burn down around me. The sky did not fall. 227 00:09:53,585 --> 00:09:57,565 You know, I'm, I'm not all the things I fear, 228 00:09:58,695 --> 00:10:00,365 which tends to be where 229 00:10:01,265 --> 00:10:04,485 why people are less confident either are not happening. 230 00:10:04,615 --> 00:10:07,125 Right. Which is more common than not, or Yeah. 231 00:10:07,145 --> 00:10:08,285 The things I feared happened, 232 00:10:08,285 --> 00:10:10,645 but I also got through it, figured it out. 233 00:10:11,025 --> 00:10:13,445 And here I am today to tell the tale. Mm-Hmm. . 234 00:10:13,505 --> 00:10:15,645 So, for me, anytime somebody's asking about confidence, 235 00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:17,125 I'm like, there's, I can't give you a formula 236 00:10:17,265 --> 00:10:18,285 and I can't give you a checklist. 237 00:10:18,605 --> 00:10:20,445 I can just tell you, you gotta go live the thing 238 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,165 and do the thing enough. 239 00:10:22,475 --> 00:10:24,685 - Yeah. And, and I absolutely agree with you. 240 00:10:25,185 --> 00:10:28,845 And it's like going to the gym. 241 00:10:29,145 --> 00:10:31,605 You, you know, and, and that's how I see it. 242 00:10:31,945 --> 00:10:33,765 You know, you go to the gym, you work out, 243 00:10:33,765 --> 00:10:34,925 and you build up your muscles. 244 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,485 You build muscle memory. 245 00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:39,085 It's the same thing with, with your kink, 246 00:10:39,085 --> 00:10:40,125 with your Ds dynamic. 247 00:10:40,905 --> 00:10:45,885 You, the more you exercise that part of you, 248 00:10:46,665 --> 00:10:49,885 the more it becomes muscle memory and Mm-Hmm. 249 00:10:49,925 --> 00:10:52,285 . And it becomes a part of who you are. Mm-Hmm. 250 00:10:52,325 --> 00:10:54,125 - , I think, um, 251 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,925 that, yes, I agree. 252 00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,045 Mm-Hmm. . I also think 253 00:10:59,045 --> 00:11:03,165 that it's not uncommon if you make a shift either in your 254 00:11:03,165 --> 00:11:04,645 dynamic or your kink identity 255 00:11:04,825 --> 00:11:07,485 or learning a new kink, if you shift something from where 256 00:11:08,025 --> 00:11:09,285 you had been doing it 257 00:11:09,305 --> 00:11:12,925 and you had gained some level of confidence with it Mm-Hmm. 258 00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:15,525 to trying something new or altering something, 259 00:11:15,545 --> 00:11:17,405 and now you're outside of your comfort zone, 260 00:11:17,805 --> 00:11:21,965 I think is completely normal for your confidence 261 00:11:21,965 --> 00:11:24,685 to take a hit again, because you're doing something new 262 00:11:24,705 --> 00:11:28,485 and there's likely some underlying fear there. 263 00:11:28,485 --> 00:11:31,085 Fear of messing up, fear of looking foolish. Yeah. 264 00:11:31,195 --> 00:11:33,525 Fear of just not knowing what the fuck you're doing. 265 00:11:34,065 --> 00:11:36,685 Um, and the other thing that I think, um, 266 00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:39,805 impacts confidence, especially for newer people. 267 00:11:39,805 --> 00:11:42,445 Mm-Hmm. . But for anybody at any point in their 268 00:11:42,445 --> 00:11:44,125 kink life is comparison. 269 00:11:44,915 --> 00:11:48,285 Because if it's common for newer people, 270 00:11:48,385 --> 00:11:50,205 but it's not just new people. 271 00:11:50,625 --> 00:11:53,045 You walk into a space, maybe you've never been there before. 272 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,965 You see somebody doing or being their kinky selves. 273 00:11:57,545 --> 00:12:00,045 And you, you know, some people, not everybody, 274 00:12:00,105 --> 00:12:03,045 but enough of us go, either I want that 275 00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:04,285 and I don't know how to get that, or, 276 00:12:04,345 --> 00:12:05,565 oh, I'll never be that way. 277 00:12:05,575 --> 00:12:06,885 Right. Like, it's Mm-Hmm. . 278 00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:10,525 And that can, that can hit your confidence levels. 279 00:12:10,665 --> 00:12:13,765 And, and that's, we think we've had this conversation 280 00:12:13,765 --> 00:12:16,645 before about doing our damnedest not to compare 281 00:12:17,435 --> 00:12:19,245 your chapter one to my chapter 10. 282 00:12:19,245 --> 00:12:20,445 Right? Like, we're just Mm-Hmm. 283 00:12:20,485 --> 00:12:22,965 we all start out new and awkward 284 00:12:23,105 --> 00:12:25,405 and not knowing a damn thing. 285 00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:27,925 Right. And we all have to progress through that awkwardness. 286 00:12:27,925 --> 00:12:31,405 So if you're at the early stages of your kink life 287 00:12:31,425 --> 00:12:33,285 and you're thinking, oh my God, I'm so awkward. 288 00:12:33,305 --> 00:12:34,405 And I have, I'm clueless, 289 00:12:34,825 --> 00:12:38,965 and I'm not like these people I see over here who, you know, 290 00:12:38,995 --> 00:12:40,925 have literally been doing this for decades. 291 00:12:41,305 --> 00:12:43,525 And I don't mean me, I mean anybody. 292 00:12:44,105 --> 00:12:47,645 Um, the, you know, 293 00:12:47,825 --> 00:12:49,405 of course you're not gonna feel confident, 294 00:12:49,405 --> 00:12:54,325 but the, the easiest thing to say, the hardest thing 295 00:12:54,325 --> 00:12:58,205 to do is to tell you to do your best 296 00:12:58,745 --> 00:12:59,845 not to compare yourself. 297 00:12:59,865 --> 00:13:01,365 Mm-Hmm. or quite frankly, go, 298 00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:02,645 go have a conversation 299 00:13:02,645 --> 00:13:04,725 with somebody who's been doing this longer than you, 300 00:13:04,725 --> 00:13:05,965 that is open to these conversations 301 00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:08,285 and ask what it was like for them when they were new. 302 00:13:08,825 --> 00:13:10,845 You will probably hear a lot of parallels 303 00:13:10,845 --> 00:13:13,525 to your own either experience or your own feelings. 304 00:13:13,525 --> 00:13:15,485 Mm-Hmm. , because I, 305 00:13:16,365 --> 00:13:17,845 I don't think I've ever met anybody 306 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,925 who wasn't nervous the first time they walked into it much. 307 00:13:20,165 --> 00:13:22,805 I don't think I've ever met anybody who was not nervous the 308 00:13:22,805 --> 00:13:26,005 first time they met up with another ster 309 00:13:27,105 --> 00:13:29,285 to explore kink together in some way, 310 00:13:29,545 --> 00:13:32,125 - Or went to a play party or a dungeon, or, you know, or 311 00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,565 - Told their partner they were kinky. 312 00:13:33,565 --> 00:13:36,965 Right. Yeah. Like, we all have these firsts 313 00:13:37,355 --> 00:13:39,605 that make us nervous where we don't know what we're doing. 314 00:13:39,605 --> 00:13:40,965 And so we don't have a lot of confidence. 315 00:13:41,265 --> 00:13:42,285 Do some people have false 316 00:13:42,285 --> 00:13:43,565 confidence that they have not earned? 317 00:13:43,625 --> 00:13:45,085 Of course those people exist. 318 00:13:45,275 --> 00:13:49,485 They will usually, usually something will happen 319 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:52,085 and either the outside looking in, you'll go, okay, 320 00:13:52,085 --> 00:13:53,485 they do not deserve that confidence. 321 00:13:53,485 --> 00:13:55,725 They're, you know, walk away 322 00:13:56,105 --> 00:13:57,805 or they will be brought down 323 00:13:57,805 --> 00:13:59,925 to earth in a very painful way, 324 00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:02,325 and hopefully will learn a lesson from that. 325 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,685 But I don't think that's the norm. 326 00:14:03,805 --> 00:14:06,365 I think most of us are like, I am so awkward 327 00:14:06,365 --> 00:14:08,685 and so clueless, and I don't know what I'm doing. 328 00:14:10,245 --> 00:14:14,245 I mean, I, when you start a new thing, when you've even, 329 00:14:14,485 --> 00:14:16,485 I mean, you've known you were kinky, you've Mm-Hmm. 330 00:14:16,525 --> 00:14:20,085 for decades. But even with all that experience 331 00:14:20,085 --> 00:14:22,925 and all that time, 'cause time is not the end all be 332 00:14:22,925 --> 00:14:24,005 all for gaining confidence. 333 00:14:24,625 --> 00:14:28,805 How do you feel when you've started learning a new kink 334 00:14:28,905 --> 00:14:30,445 or gone into a new community 335 00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:32,245 or gone into something that is new to you? 336 00:14:33,185 --> 00:14:36,245 How does that feeling you had at the, the first step of 337 00:14:36,245 --> 00:14:39,245 that thing compare to your early days 338 00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:40,685 of kink? The confidence level? 339 00:14:40,995 --> 00:14:45,725 - It's, it's not as angsty as say, 340 00:14:45,725 --> 00:14:49,285 like the very first time ever going to a munch Mm-Hmm. 341 00:14:49,325 --> 00:14:52,805 . Um, but there, there still is a, a little bit 342 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:57,085 of angst to that still 343 00:14:57,085 --> 00:14:58,125 after all this time. 344 00:14:58,905 --> 00:15:02,925 Um, you know, you're, you're meeting new people 345 00:15:03,105 --> 00:15:04,765 and you're like, oh, what are they like, 346 00:15:04,785 --> 00:15:05,845 you know, are they gonna like me? 347 00:15:05,845 --> 00:15:07,205 Am I gonna like them? And mm-Hmm. 348 00:15:07,245 --> 00:15:09,005 , you know, so there, there's always 349 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:13,005 that little bit of, of, um, angst or anxiety, 350 00:15:13,665 --> 00:15:18,245 but it's, it's nothing like the very first time Sure. 351 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:22,245 Going to a munch. So, you know, it, 352 00:15:22,305 --> 00:15:23,445 it does get easier. 353 00:15:23,545 --> 00:15:24,765 It gets better. Mm-Hmm. , 354 00:15:25,645 --> 00:15:28,805 - I think if you can feel really solid in who you are 355 00:15:28,825 --> 00:15:30,685 as a ster, this is true for me at least. 356 00:15:30,825 --> 00:15:32,045 Mm-Hmm. , I am, 357 00:15:32,625 --> 00:15:37,085 the thing I am most confident about 99% of the time is 358 00:15:37,085 --> 00:15:39,205 who I am as a ster and my experiences 359 00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:40,565 and how they've shaped me. 360 00:15:40,955 --> 00:15:43,005 Yeah. So, as a person who 361 00:15:43,595 --> 00:15:45,765 puts themselves on the internet frequently, 362 00:15:46,325 --> 00:15:48,925 I absolutely get feedback of, you're not really this, 363 00:15:48,925 --> 00:15:50,925 you're not really that you're doing this wrong. 364 00:15:51,865 --> 00:15:55,005 And for me, over time, 365 00:15:55,635 --> 00:15:59,765 because I know that, I know that what I have 366 00:16:00,395 --> 00:16:02,725 done, been through experienced, learned 367 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:05,685 how I've grown is real for me. 368 00:16:05,995 --> 00:16:08,045 There's where that's where my confidence comes in. 369 00:16:08,205 --> 00:16:09,765 'cause for me, nobody can come in 370 00:16:09,765 --> 00:16:10,845 and tell me that what I went 371 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,005 through is something I didn't go through. 372 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,845 Mm-Hmm. . And how I feel about 373 00:16:13,845 --> 00:16:17,165 that thing is something I don't feel early days, 374 00:16:17,425 --> 00:16:18,965 I'm was questioning myself 375 00:16:19,235 --> 00:16:22,125 because I have a lot of anxiety, , 376 00:16:22,945 --> 00:16:24,845 and I'm a people pleaser from way back. 377 00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:27,165 So I had that, am I doing this right? 378 00:16:27,465 --> 00:16:28,725 Is there a right way to do this? 379 00:16:29,025 --> 00:16:31,485 I'm not doing this like other people, uh, oh. 380 00:16:31,485 --> 00:16:32,805 It doesn't mean I'm doing it wrong. 381 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:37,605 But over time, I gained this self-acceptance. 382 00:16:37,725 --> 00:16:41,805 I had a partner who accepted me as I was, who validated me 383 00:16:41,905 --> 00:16:43,245 as a human being 384 00:16:43,305 --> 00:16:46,165 and aster who was going through some of the same shit. 385 00:16:46,285 --> 00:16:48,605 I was, you know, the, the thing 386 00:16:48,605 --> 00:16:50,925 that people can't touch about me now, the confidence 387 00:16:50,925 --> 00:16:53,365 that I hold most of the time is Mm-Hmm. 388 00:16:53,405 --> 00:16:54,805 , I know who the fuck I am. Yeah. 389 00:16:54,945 --> 00:16:57,885 Now I'm not going, I'm, you can probably, if you've been 390 00:16:57,885 --> 00:16:59,205 around for more than a minute, 391 00:16:59,345 --> 00:17:01,405 you can tell when I'm not confident about a topic 392 00:17:02,065 --> 00:17:05,485 or when I feel like I am, I am, uh, skirting 393 00:17:06,005 --> 00:17:08,005 a topic I'm not qualified to speak about. 394 00:17:08,585 --> 00:17:10,885 Um, I don't, I don't claim 395 00:17:10,885 --> 00:17:13,245 to have confidence there necessarily, 396 00:17:13,425 --> 00:17:15,045 but I, I am confident in who I am. 397 00:17:15,105 --> 00:17:16,725 Mm-Hmm. , that took time. 398 00:17:17,315 --> 00:17:19,885 That took going out and doing the thing. 399 00:17:20,285 --> 00:17:25,125 I think what happens, because feeling insecure 400 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:28,085 or just a lack of confidence is an uncomfortable feeling. 401 00:17:28,265 --> 00:17:30,765 And many of us would do anything we could 402 00:17:31,065 --> 00:17:32,485 to just speed run that part. 403 00:17:32,745 --> 00:17:34,965 And if you can, if you have the coping mechanisms 404 00:17:34,985 --> 00:17:38,165 and the mental health and the life experience to be able 405 00:17:38,165 --> 00:17:41,845 to do that more fucking power to you, I am so happy for you. 406 00:17:42,225 --> 00:17:45,085 For the rest of us anxious bitches, let me just tell you 407 00:17:45,675 --> 00:17:47,845 that it doesn't, it, it's kind 408 00:17:47,845 --> 00:17:49,500 of a thing you sort of have to, to go through. 409 00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:52,325 Now, ideally, you will have supportive partners, supportive, 410 00:17:52,325 --> 00:17:55,005 kink friends, supportive community, um, 411 00:17:56,025 --> 00:17:58,565 you'll find the resources that are realistic. 412 00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:00,645 Like Mm-Hmm. , I think nothing kills your 413 00:18:00,645 --> 00:18:04,445 confidence more than coming across a resource that tells you 414 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,765 emphatically, this is how kink is done. 415 00:18:07,945 --> 00:18:10,645 One true way is you try to do it that way, 416 00:18:10,645 --> 00:18:12,765 and you go, I, I can't do this. 417 00:18:12,795 --> 00:18:14,085 This isn't working for me. 418 00:18:14,345 --> 00:18:15,965 And too many people, instead of going, 419 00:18:15,965 --> 00:18:19,165 maybe the resource was fucked up, internalize it 420 00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:20,725 and go, well, maybe I'm fucked up 421 00:18:20,985 --> 00:18:22,165 and that's why I'm not doing it. 422 00:18:22,165 --> 00:18:23,845 Right. And then that kills their confidence. 423 00:18:25,185 --> 00:18:27,405 And I don't know how to tell you 424 00:18:27,405 --> 00:18:29,725 to avoid those types of resources. 425 00:18:29,755 --> 00:18:31,525 They, God knows they exist. 426 00:18:31,885 --> 00:18:35,925 I think Evie did a whole video about the, oh, 427 00:18:35,985 --> 00:18:37,965 I'm gonna gag a little bit, saying it, the alphas 428 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:42,205 who are using the language of kink to try to be 429 00:18:42,885 --> 00:18:44,045 grotesque and disgusting. 430 00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:45,885 I mean, when you're new 431 00:18:45,885 --> 00:18:47,245 and you don't know anything yet, 432 00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:49,165 the only thing I can ever tell you is 433 00:18:49,165 --> 00:18:50,205 to listen to your intuition. 434 00:18:50,225 --> 00:18:52,525 If it doesn't sound right, get the fuck out of there. 435 00:18:52,525 --> 00:18:55,245 Mm-Hmm. . Because it's either not right at all, 436 00:18:55,245 --> 00:18:56,365 or it's just not right for you. 437 00:18:56,985 --> 00:19:00,005 But it takes confidence to listen to your intuition 438 00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:02,685 and go, wait, this isn't, this doesn't feel right. 439 00:19:03,105 --> 00:19:08,005 I'm, I'm knapping out. Some of what we need is, is therapy. 440 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,365 Some of what we need is to deal with the things 441 00:19:10,365 --> 00:19:13,565 that make us, you know, not be confident 442 00:19:14,275 --> 00:19:15,965 because of whatever happened to us in life. 443 00:19:16,145 --> 00:19:19,285 But most of the time, it's just 444 00:19:19,285 --> 00:19:21,165 to go do the thing and do it often enough. 445 00:19:21,165 --> 00:19:23,085 Mm-Hmm. . And surround yourself with people who 446 00:19:23,665 --> 00:19:26,725 are both affirming, but will also call you on your bullshit. 447 00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:29,245 We all need people who will call us on our bullshit. Mm-Hmm. 448 00:19:29,285 --> 00:19:31,165 . I'm married, my person. I'm good. 449 00:19:31,645 --> 00:19:33,925 I don't really need anybody else. Thanks. Not for that. 450 00:19:34,885 --> 00:19:39,005 . Um, I have other, 451 00:19:39,325 --> 00:19:40,965 I feel like I'm talking in circles now, 452 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:42,805 and I have another point I wanna make, 453 00:19:42,805 --> 00:19:45,125 and I don't know how to segue to that point. . Okay. 454 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,285 - So then let me step in for a moment. Thank 455 00:19:47,285 --> 00:19:48,285 - You. 456 00:19:48,285 --> 00:19:49,805 I'm, I'm like, okay. Hamster wheeling here. 457 00:19:49,905 --> 00:19:53,405 - Fir first thing, um, Taisha. Yes. That's Lola snoring. 458 00:19:53,405 --> 00:19:55,405 She's laying on the floor right next to me. 459 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:59,965 And, um, she's, she's very content at the moment in her nap. 460 00:20:00,305 --> 00:20:01,965 - And that's Ella crying in the background 461 00:20:02,065 --> 00:20:03,065 - In another room. 462 00:20:03,065 --> 00:20:04,605 Ella is crying in the other room. Room. So, you know. Yeah. 463 00:20:04,605 --> 00:20:06,045 We've got the, uh, menagerie. 464 00:20:06,785 --> 00:20:09,885 Um, the other, the other thing I wanted to, to touch on 465 00:20:09,885 --> 00:20:14,565 that I saw in, in chat, um, about fake it till you make it. 466 00:20:14,785 --> 00:20:15,885 Mm. Okay. 467 00:20:16,705 --> 00:20:20,845 Um, I have even been one to use that phrase at times. 468 00:20:21,185 --> 00:20:25,085 And there are times that that is very apropos. 469 00:20:25,945 --> 00:20:30,785 Um, my feeling 470 00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:34,945 on that in regards to kink, don't, 471 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:36,705 don't fake it till you make it. 472 00:20:36,795 --> 00:20:38,225 - Thank you. If you weren't gonna 473 00:20:38,225 --> 00:20:39,345 say it, I was gonna say thank you, 474 00:20:39,665 --> 00:20:40,665 - . 475 00:20:40,665 --> 00:20:44,025 Um, do, do not fake it till you make it. 476 00:20:44,605 --> 00:20:49,485 Um, too many possibilities for someone getting hurt. 477 00:20:50,025 --> 00:20:54,245 Uh, you know, obviously in, in a, um, s 478 00:20:54,245 --> 00:20:56,765 and m aspect, uh, you know, 479 00:20:56,765 --> 00:20:59,445 definitely can do some physical hurt 480 00:20:59,585 --> 00:21:00,765 if you don't know what you're doing. 481 00:21:01,505 --> 00:21:03,725 Um, even in power exchange, 482 00:21:04,035 --> 00:21:06,845 when we have talked about this in the past, you know, 483 00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:09,805 you have to know your audience. 484 00:21:10,555 --> 00:21:14,405 Okay. You have to know who your, your s type is. 485 00:21:14,865 --> 00:21:18,205 Um, and even then, there's no a hundred percent guarantees 486 00:21:18,205 --> 00:21:21,125 because even in a power exchange, you can trigger, 487 00:21:21,435 --> 00:21:25,685 step on a landmine, you know, and, and set something off. 488 00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:30,925 But if you go into it without the foreknowledge, the 489 00:21:32,755 --> 00:21:34,645 chances of that happening increase. 490 00:21:35,225 --> 00:21:38,165 You know? And, you know, we're, 491 00:21:38,165 --> 00:21:41,165 we're all about living our lives and, and enjoying it and, 492 00:21:41,305 --> 00:21:45,565 and having fun and most importantly, do no harm. 493 00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:49,965 And, and I think that is where that comes in. 494 00:21:50,385 --> 00:21:51,645 Um, you know, there, 495 00:21:51,655 --> 00:21:54,205 there really is no faking it till you make it. 496 00:21:54,475 --> 00:21:59,245 There's, there's no, um, uh, you know, um, 497 00:21:59,625 --> 00:22:02,405 go directly to go card , right? 498 00:22:02,585 --> 00:22:03,805 You know, or home card. 499 00:22:04,305 --> 00:22:08,845 Um, you, you have to put in the time to, to learn 500 00:22:10,305 --> 00:22:12,125 and, and understand what you're doing. 501 00:22:13,485 --> 00:22:16,205 - I agree with you completely on the activities of kink. 502 00:22:16,205 --> 00:22:18,125 Mm-Hmm. , I think for some people 503 00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:22,205 there's nuance here for fake it till you make it. 504 00:22:22,755 --> 00:22:24,405 When I would say, please fake it till you make it, 505 00:22:24,405 --> 00:22:26,925 and I'm okay with it, is I want you to walk into that munch. 506 00:22:26,925 --> 00:22:29,685 Like you fucking deserve to be there. 'cause you do. Right? 507 00:22:30,085 --> 00:22:31,405 I want you to go to that dungeon. 508 00:22:31,405 --> 00:22:33,125 Like you have every right to go there. 509 00:22:33,225 --> 00:22:35,445 And as long as you follow the rules with the dungeon, you, 510 00:22:35,665 --> 00:22:36,965 you're not gonna fuck it up. 511 00:22:36,965 --> 00:22:39,685 Right? Right. I want you to fake that confidence. 512 00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:41,925 Um, I don't want you 513 00:22:41,925 --> 00:22:46,405 to fake confidence on a skill you have not practiced on, um, 514 00:22:46,945 --> 00:22:50,085 uh, negotiating a power exchange when you haven't 515 00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:52,685 had the in-depth conversations with the partner 516 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:56,645 or worked on educating yourself or learned anything. 517 00:22:56,845 --> 00:22:59,125 Right? I think, I think there are times when 518 00:22:59,125 --> 00:23:00,325 fake it till you make it is okay. 519 00:23:00,755 --> 00:23:02,565 Sure. Most of the time in power exchange 520 00:23:02,565 --> 00:23:06,045 or kink, I'm gonna go, Hmm, depends the other thing. 521 00:23:06,105 --> 00:23:08,365 And I know there will be people 522 00:23:08,425 --> 00:23:10,645 who have had a bad experience with this. 523 00:23:10,985 --> 00:23:13,245 And I, to me, that says more about the people 524 00:23:13,245 --> 00:23:15,805 who gave you the bad experience than it does about the thing 525 00:23:15,825 --> 00:23:17,445 I'm about to say dominance. 526 00:23:18,045 --> 00:23:19,405 I want you to get more comfortable 527 00:23:19,475 --> 00:23:21,525 with admitting you don't fucking know something, 528 00:23:22,035 --> 00:23:24,285 that you're new to it, that you're unsure, 529 00:23:24,475 --> 00:23:25,845 that you're uncertain about it. 530 00:23:25,845 --> 00:23:27,565 That even depending on the nature 531 00:23:27,565 --> 00:23:29,165 of the relationship you have with that s type, 532 00:23:29,315 --> 00:23:32,165 that you are feeling insecure and you're lacking confidence. 533 00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:35,565 Yes. There are s types who will say, 534 00:23:35,565 --> 00:23:36,605 Ooh, that gives me the ick. 535 00:23:36,605 --> 00:23:37,685 That's an immediate turnoff, 536 00:23:37,685 --> 00:23:39,125 that per person wanting for you. 537 00:23:39,795 --> 00:23:42,645 Okay? That person wants someone 538 00:23:43,105 --> 00:23:45,965 or something that either doesn't exist 539 00:23:46,305 --> 00:23:47,565 or that you just can't give them. 540 00:23:47,745 --> 00:23:49,445 And that needs to be okay. Okay? 541 00:23:49,985 --> 00:23:51,805 Um, it is 542 00:23:53,915 --> 00:23:57,085 when Doms admit that they are not know all, be all, 543 00:23:57,185 --> 00:24:01,365 do all end all , wow, I don't 544 00:24:01,915 --> 00:24:06,485 like, it fosters the ability 545 00:24:06,545 --> 00:24:08,645 for intimacy and vulnerability and for trust 546 00:24:08,665 --> 00:24:10,245 and honesty to grow between you. 547 00:24:10,245 --> 00:24:12,085 It can actually make things better. 548 00:24:12,995 --> 00:24:16,725 Also for the doms out there who are like maybe aren't sure 549 00:24:16,725 --> 00:24:19,405 of themselves, sometimes, not always, 550 00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:21,925 but sometimes you are partnered up with a submissive 551 00:24:22,105 --> 00:24:25,205 who actually has more knowledge and more experience. 552 00:24:25,425 --> 00:24:29,165 And when you act like you know, all can do all 553 00:24:29,345 --> 00:24:33,685 and will be all, you've just turned off that ability 554 00:24:33,745 --> 00:24:36,525 to learn from somebody into who you are intimate with 555 00:24:36,525 --> 00:24:37,605 that knows more than you do. 556 00:24:38,985 --> 00:24:41,045 The folks who hide 557 00:24:41,045 --> 00:24:43,245 behind false confidence, not fake it till you make it. 558 00:24:43,365 --> 00:24:45,925 'cause they're trying to like, move through spaces 559 00:24:45,925 --> 00:24:47,245 where they're uncomfortable, but the people 560 00:24:47,245 --> 00:24:48,805 who are literally faking it 561 00:24:48,905 --> 00:24:52,005 and are not trying to learn are dangerous. 562 00:24:52,025 --> 00:24:54,685 And quite frankly, tend to be the least confident people. 563 00:24:54,955 --> 00:24:58,005 Like, if you have to like, project all over me 564 00:24:58,195 --> 00:25:00,645 that you know it all and don't need to learn 565 00:25:00,705 --> 00:25:02,205 and don't need this and don't need that. 566 00:25:02,485 --> 00:25:07,045 I am, I'm gonna psychoanalyze you, uh, and, um, 567 00:25:07,185 --> 00:25:09,365 and wonder what else are you insecure about? 568 00:25:09,715 --> 00:25:13,005 It's actually to me, not everybody will agree that's okay. 569 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:15,045 To me, it's a sign of confidence when you 570 00:25:15,045 --> 00:25:16,165 can admit you don't know something. 571 00:25:16,315 --> 00:25:17,365 Yeah. When you can admit 572 00:25:17,525 --> 00:25:18,765 that you're struggling with something Mm-Hmm. 573 00:25:18,805 --> 00:25:20,045 when you can admit that maybe you're 574 00:25:20,045 --> 00:25:21,125 feeling insecure about the thing. 575 00:25:21,185 --> 00:25:24,285 Now, does everybody that you come across 576 00:25:24,955 --> 00:25:26,125 deserve that part of you? 577 00:25:26,345 --> 00:25:30,925 No. A huge skill to learn is figuring out who the people are 578 00:25:31,315 --> 00:25:32,845 that you should be able to trust to that. 579 00:25:32,845 --> 00:25:33,965 Or you can try to trust to that. 580 00:25:34,505 --> 00:25:38,885 Um, to me, submissives, it's more common 581 00:25:38,945 --> 00:25:41,205 to think about submissives lacking confidence 582 00:25:41,205 --> 00:25:45,485 because too many of us project what we think we expect a dom 583 00:25:45,585 --> 00:25:48,565 to be at all times, including dominance themselves, 584 00:25:48,565 --> 00:25:50,325 projecting it on themselves 585 00:25:50,345 --> 00:25:54,245 and others about how you are supposed to like, know it all, 586 00:25:54,515 --> 00:25:58,125 face down any fear, never show fear, be the one in charge. 587 00:25:58,145 --> 00:26:00,845 And being a leader means you never let 'em see you sweat. 588 00:26:01,085 --> 00:26:04,445 I mean, fuck, that's toxic. That's . 589 00:26:05,305 --> 00:26:08,565 Uh, I don't mind somebody projecting an air 590 00:26:08,665 --> 00:26:11,205 of confidence once they get to the scene 591 00:26:11,205 --> 00:26:13,525 because the confidence has been earned 592 00:26:13,525 --> 00:26:14,925 because they have the skills. 593 00:26:14,925 --> 00:26:17,005 Mm-Hmm. , I think it's more than fair 594 00:26:17,065 --> 00:26:20,365 to be uncertain to an extent 595 00:26:20,365 --> 00:26:22,085 because you're playing with a new partner, right? 596 00:26:22,225 --> 00:26:24,205 And you want to do a good job 597 00:26:24,305 --> 00:26:25,565 and you know you have the skills, 598 00:26:25,705 --> 00:26:27,205 but you are still learning this person. 599 00:26:27,425 --> 00:26:28,805 And I don't think that's a lack of confidence. 600 00:26:28,805 --> 00:26:31,285 I think that is a, what is a term I want? 601 00:26:32,155 --> 00:26:34,845 It's a cautious, it's being cautious 602 00:26:35,425 --> 00:26:38,125 and being cautious is not necessarily the same thing 603 00:26:38,125 --> 00:26:40,405 as lacking confidence, right? 604 00:26:40,545 --> 00:26:44,325 Mm-Hmm. . And sometimes being cautious is 605 00:26:44,395 --> 00:26:46,565 perceived as a lack of confidence. 606 00:26:46,745 --> 00:26:49,245 And that is a problem. So if you are confident in your 607 00:26:49,245 --> 00:26:52,165 skills, you are confident in what you've negotiated, 608 00:26:52,225 --> 00:26:53,685 you're confident in yourself. 609 00:26:53,745 --> 00:26:56,045 Mm-Hmm. as a play partner, I want you 610 00:26:56,045 --> 00:26:57,245 to project that air of confidence, 611 00:26:57,265 --> 00:27:01,245 but I also want you to be real about being cautious, right? 612 00:27:01,265 --> 00:27:03,845 And I think it's okay to not be quite confident, 613 00:27:04,025 --> 00:27:05,725 and I don't even know if I think confident might be too 614 00:27:05,725 --> 00:27:07,445 strong of a word of the partner you're playing with. 615 00:27:07,565 --> 00:27:09,005 'cause you've never played with them before. That's a 616 00:27:09,325 --> 00:27:12,765 situation I can, I can see okay, project that air, 617 00:27:12,915 --> 00:27:14,725 even if you've got some other thoughts. 618 00:27:14,795 --> 00:27:17,045 However, I'm such a risk averse person. 619 00:27:17,365 --> 00:27:20,605 I would tell you if you're feeling any sort of way, , 620 00:27:20,695 --> 00:27:23,445 maybe slow shit down, back it up 621 00:27:23,745 --> 00:27:25,045 and have another conversation. 622 00:27:25,665 --> 00:27:28,045 But that's, that's off topic. 623 00:27:28,285 --> 00:27:31,125 I think, um, I, 624 00:27:32,065 --> 00:27:34,245 so I want more doms to fucking admit 625 00:27:34,245 --> 00:27:36,365 that they're not always confident and stop faking it. 626 00:27:36,545 --> 00:27:40,125 Mm-Hmm. , I want more submissives to be allowed 627 00:27:40,145 --> 00:27:41,205 to be confident. 628 00:27:42,025 --> 00:27:46,765 Um, I think it's a, a cliche 629 00:27:46,765 --> 00:27:48,805 that submissives tend to lack confidence. 630 00:27:49,035 --> 00:27:51,725 Many of us do. Many of us start out lacking confidence. 631 00:27:52,035 --> 00:27:53,725 Many of us have had bad experiences, 632 00:27:53,725 --> 00:27:54,805 and now we're not sure about ourselves. 633 00:27:54,985 --> 00:27:57,605 You know? Mm-Hmm. many of us are recognizing 634 00:27:57,605 --> 00:27:59,845 that, yeah, yeah, I can, I can withdraw consent 635 00:27:59,845 --> 00:28:02,725 and I can say forward, but also I am placing my physical, 636 00:28:02,745 --> 00:28:04,885 mental and emotional wellbeing in 637 00:28:04,885 --> 00:28:05,925 the hands of another partner. 638 00:28:06,265 --> 00:28:07,685 And it makes me nervous. 639 00:28:07,915 --> 00:28:10,965 Like, I think all of that gets to be true. 640 00:28:11,345 --> 00:28:14,285 But then what happens is when a submissive gets confident, 641 00:28:14,355 --> 00:28:17,405 there's, uh, an element of the community or the internet 642 00:28:17,405 --> 00:28:19,365 or whatever that wants to knock 'em down 643 00:28:19,385 --> 00:28:22,045 and go, yeah, that's too much confidence. 644 00:28:22,905 --> 00:28:24,045 And some people will try 645 00:28:24,045 --> 00:28:26,445 to keep themselves small as a result. 646 00:28:26,585 --> 00:28:29,645 Mm-Hmm. . That is not anywhere 647 00:28:29,645 --> 00:28:30,925 where we went when we were talking. 648 00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,045 No. The q and a. No. 649 00:28:33,145 --> 00:28:35,805 But it just, it sort of hit me like, uh, 650 00:28:37,545 --> 00:28:39,485 um, there's a word. 651 00:28:39,565 --> 00:28:40,685 I don't know. I've lost words now. 652 00:28:40,725 --> 00:28:42,725 I said the thing and now I've lost all my words. . 653 00:28:43,385 --> 00:28:45,245 Now, all of that being said, here's where 654 00:28:46,005 --> 00:28:47,845 I was on my mind when I didn't know how to segue. 655 00:28:48,005 --> 00:28:49,845 I still know how to segue. Okay? This is the segue. 656 00:28:52,005 --> 00:28:56,165 I talk about feeling confident in myself as a submissive, 657 00:28:56,165 --> 00:28:59,165 as you are submissive all these years in all this time. 658 00:28:59,165 --> 00:29:01,165 And we fucking talk about it for a living. 659 00:29:01,305 --> 00:29:05,325 So I, the more you talk and, and share and teach others 660 00:29:05,425 --> 00:29:07,405 or whatever it is we do, um, 661 00:29:08,145 --> 00:29:09,765 the more hyper aware you are 662 00:29:09,765 --> 00:29:10,925 stuff, the more you have to think about it. 663 00:29:10,925 --> 00:29:12,645 You get air quote better at it 664 00:29:12,645 --> 00:29:13,645 because you're just 665 00:29:13,645 --> 00:29:15,405 forcing yourself to think about it all the time. 666 00:29:16,025 --> 00:29:20,685 Um, so that's probably where most of my confidence outside 667 00:29:20,685 --> 00:29:21,885 of our relationship comes from. 668 00:29:22,595 --> 00:29:24,565 That being said, I do want to admit, 669 00:29:24,585 --> 00:29:27,965 and I want other people to have the space to admit this 670 00:29:27,965 --> 00:29:29,645 to themselves and or a partner. 671 00:29:30,255 --> 00:29:34,005 There are times I'm not fully confident. It's a blip. 672 00:29:34,675 --> 00:29:36,885 It's rare. It never lasts long. 673 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:39,005 And I have learned over time to 674 00:29:40,435 --> 00:29:45,405 talk about my feelings with JB so that I kind 675 00:29:45,405 --> 00:29:47,325 of get the reality check. 676 00:29:47,665 --> 00:29:50,205 So I will feel a lack of confidence 677 00:29:50,345 --> 00:29:53,485 as a submissive when there are times I cannot do the things 678 00:29:53,675 --> 00:29:55,085 that I am supposed to do. 679 00:29:55,865 --> 00:29:58,365 Uh, I will have, if, 680 00:29:58,465 --> 00:30:00,125 if it's a bad mental health moment 681 00:30:00,125 --> 00:30:01,485 where I'm like highly anxious 682 00:30:01,585 --> 00:30:03,085 and my feelings are all over the place 683 00:30:03,105 --> 00:30:04,445 and the mind is louder 684 00:30:04,465 --> 00:30:07,965 and more chaotic than, you know, is normal for me, um, 685 00:30:08,475 --> 00:30:10,285 that I will, I can spiral down 686 00:30:10,385 --> 00:30:13,005 and be like, oh my God, am I really a good submissive? 687 00:30:13,005 --> 00:30:16,205 Am I a real submissive? Am I too, you know, bitchy? 688 00:30:16,265 --> 00:30:19,565 Am I too opinionated? Am I, you know, who am I? 689 00:30:19,565 --> 00:30:22,725 And I can, I can get like a five minute moment of, 690 00:30:22,785 --> 00:30:27,165 oh my God, what I have learned how to do is to go 691 00:30:28,385 --> 00:30:31,045 let JB know that I'm feeling a way, like I'm right. 692 00:30:31,185 --> 00:30:32,325 I'm, I'm struggling here. 693 00:30:32,425 --> 00:30:34,045 And he will help 694 00:30:34,275 --> 00:30:36,485 because this is just the nature of a relationship. 695 00:30:36,585 --> 00:30:38,485 He will help kind of bring me back to center a little bit 696 00:30:38,585 --> 00:30:39,965 and, and go, whoa, whoa, whoa. 697 00:30:39,965 --> 00:30:41,765 What are you talking about? You're ignoring all 698 00:30:41,765 --> 00:30:44,565 of these other things that have gone on before this moment 699 00:30:44,625 --> 00:30:46,165 and will happen after this moment. 700 00:30:47,065 --> 00:30:48,605 And I can usually go, okay, that was, 701 00:30:48,605 --> 00:30:49,885 that was a momentary blip. 702 00:30:50,165 --> 00:30:52,885 I don't, I just wanna make it clear 703 00:30:52,915 --> 00:30:56,605 that you can gain confidence in your dynamic in yourself, 704 00:30:57,145 --> 00:30:59,245 and still have those moments where you falter. 705 00:30:59,275 --> 00:31:00,325 Something will happen. 706 00:31:00,465 --> 00:31:03,045 You'll feel some kind of way it happens. 707 00:31:03,195 --> 00:31:06,365 Poor jb, poor jb, we are 708 00:31:06,985 --> 00:31:08,805 non-monogamous me in theory. 709 00:31:08,825 --> 00:31:11,405 Him in practice, he's had several partners over the years 710 00:31:11,405 --> 00:31:12,885 since we've been together, . 711 00:31:13,465 --> 00:31:16,805 And invariably there will be moments where, 712 00:31:17,545 --> 00:31:18,765 and again, it depends on 713 00:31:18,765 --> 00:31:20,725 how my mental health is going at the time. 714 00:31:20,725 --> 00:31:22,325 Mm-Hmm. , if I'm kind of even keeled, 715 00:31:22,425 --> 00:31:23,725 it doesn't even phase me. 716 00:31:23,745 --> 00:31:25,045 If I am jumbled 717 00:31:25,625 --> 00:31:27,205 and, you know, I'm like, 718 00:31:27,545 --> 00:31:30,485 got just too much going on up in this brain, um, 719 00:31:30,845 --> 00:31:34,285 I will absolutely have that moment of am am I not enough? 720 00:31:34,505 --> 00:31:36,285 Now, that is my own personal shit. 721 00:31:36,765 --> 00:31:40,085 I do not think that means I'm meant to be monogamous. 722 00:31:40,625 --> 00:31:43,845 Um, but I I I still feel it. 723 00:31:43,945 --> 00:31:46,445 All these, we, I'm telling you, oh, 10 years, 15 years, 724 00:31:46,445 --> 00:31:47,885 all this time, da da, decades. 725 00:31:48,035 --> 00:31:50,645 Yeah. I still have the, every 726 00:31:50,705 --> 00:31:52,205 so often I still have that moment. 727 00:31:52,425 --> 00:31:55,685 Why? Because I already have underlying issues that will, 728 00:31:57,685 --> 00:32:00,785 ah, there's a word I want fuck, that will kind of, um, 729 00:32:02,575 --> 00:32:03,625 fuck, I forgot the word. 730 00:32:04,475 --> 00:32:06,305 It'll fuck with my confidence. 731 00:32:06,305 --> 00:32:10,425 Like I, I have high anxiety a lot when I'm doing new things 732 00:32:10,445 --> 00:32:11,625 in other parts of my life. 733 00:32:12,175 --> 00:32:16,385 That lack of confidence, that insecurity I feel there will 734 00:32:16,895 --> 00:32:18,905 trickle down into other parts of my life 735 00:32:18,905 --> 00:32:21,625 because it becomes this all consuming feeling. 736 00:32:22,005 --> 00:32:24,105 If you are a person who cannot relate to that at all, 737 00:32:24,185 --> 00:32:25,465 I am so happy for you. 738 00:32:27,325 --> 00:32:28,865 I'm not that person. I still, 739 00:32:29,055 --> 00:32:30,505 it's way better than it used to be. 740 00:32:31,445 --> 00:32:34,625 Um, but it still happens even now. Mm-Hmm. . 741 00:32:34,685 --> 00:32:36,825 So while I'm like kind of cavalier of time 742 00:32:36,925 --> 00:32:40,605 and just do the thing sometimes also therapy 743 00:32:40,785 --> 00:32:43,925 and get on some medications like , 744 00:32:45,645 --> 00:32:49,525 I don't, I don't wanna overlook that part of it. 745 00:32:49,755 --> 00:32:51,845 That you can gain confidence 746 00:32:51,845 --> 00:32:54,685 and you can feel secure in your, your position in yourself, 747 00:32:54,825 --> 00:32:56,725 and still have things that you'll take a hit 748 00:32:57,025 --> 00:32:58,605 and it'll knock you down a little bit. 749 00:32:58,665 --> 00:33:01,485 And you'll have to figure yourself out or find your support 750 00:33:01,505 --> 00:33:02,645 and pull yourself back together. 751 00:33:02,645 --> 00:33:04,645 And sometimes you gotta swim in the discomfort 752 00:33:04,825 --> 00:33:07,285 and the insecurity until you can get the fuck out of it. 753 00:33:07,825 --> 00:33:12,045 Um, it's, you know, the more, uh, 754 00:33:12,585 --> 00:33:16,085 the harder other parts of life are, the more 755 00:33:16,205 --> 00:33:17,325 that can affect me. 756 00:33:18,025 --> 00:33:19,765 My kink self too. Mm mm-Hmm. . 757 00:33:19,785 --> 00:33:23,245 Um, because for me, being kinky is not a thing I do. 758 00:33:23,245 --> 00:33:25,405 It is who I am. Like, yes, there are things I do, 759 00:33:25,425 --> 00:33:27,125 but it's ingrained in my identity. 760 00:33:27,625 --> 00:33:32,085 So if other parts of my identity are taking a hit 761 00:33:32,185 --> 00:33:35,245 and I'm struggling, it will leak into 762 00:33:35,675 --> 00:33:36,845 that part of me, me as well. Other 763 00:33:36,845 --> 00:33:37,845 - Things. 764 00:33:37,845 --> 00:33:38,365 Yeah. Right. Mm-Hmm. . That makes sense. 765 00:33:39,045 --> 00:33:40,045 Absolutely. 766 00:33:40,465 --> 00:33:44,605 - Do you have moments that aren't tied 767 00:33:44,625 --> 00:33:45,685 to I'm doing a new thing. 768 00:33:45,705 --> 00:33:47,365 I'm going, Mm-Hmm. . Do you have moments where 769 00:33:47,995 --> 00:33:50,685 your confidence kind of wobbles a little bit? Oh, yes. 770 00:33:50,825 --> 00:33:52,445 - Oh yeah. Absolutely. 771 00:33:52,605 --> 00:33:56,085 I, I think, um, it's common. 772 00:33:58,065 --> 00:34:02,405 It, it's, it happens more than people will admit. Mm-Hmm. 773 00:34:02,445 --> 00:34:05,245 . So, um, yeah. Absolutely. 774 00:34:05,365 --> 00:34:09,645 I, I have moments when my confidence isn't, uh, 775 00:34:10,505 --> 00:34:14,525 all there and I just have to, you know, 776 00:34:14,525 --> 00:34:15,765 depending on what it is. 777 00:34:15,875 --> 00:34:19,085 Some things I'm like, you know, come on, I've, 778 00:34:19,085 --> 00:34:21,845 I've done this how many times? Yes. Sometimes 779 00:34:21,905 --> 00:34:23,565 - You have to remind yourself that you've done 780 00:34:23,565 --> 00:34:24,565 - That, you know? 781 00:34:24,825 --> 00:34:28,725 And, uh, I've, I've always, you know, 782 00:34:28,835 --> 00:34:29,965 been, been careful. 783 00:34:30,245 --> 00:34:31,685 I know the things that can happen, 784 00:34:31,865 --> 00:34:35,885 but, you know, I, it's kind of old hat 785 00:34:35,985 --> 00:34:39,565 and what am I, why am I worrying about this? 786 00:34:39,735 --> 00:34:41,885 - Right. And is there a thing that I'm worrying about 787 00:34:41,995 --> 00:34:45,045 that isn't really about this, it's something else. 788 00:34:45,105 --> 00:34:49,405 Mm-Hmm. creeping in. Right? Um, yeah. Yeah. 789 00:34:49,685 --> 00:34:51,765 I, we have not talked about it in detail. 790 00:34:51,835 --> 00:34:52,965 It's still a, a thing. 791 00:34:52,985 --> 00:34:56,365 But I, we were talking about, uh, 792 00:34:56,505 --> 00:34:58,285 we were talking about our OnlyFans the other day. 793 00:34:58,285 --> 00:34:59,725 Mm. We not finished that conversation, 794 00:35:00,665 --> 00:35:05,525 but we, in the conversation, I got the vibe. 795 00:35:07,065 --> 00:35:08,205 It was not said. 796 00:35:08,205 --> 00:35:09,565 So I'm not putting words in his mouth, 797 00:35:09,745 --> 00:35:14,045 but I got the vibe that part of some of the hesitancy 798 00:35:14,045 --> 00:35:17,285 that I was feeling was tied more 799 00:35:17,385 --> 00:35:19,365 to the uhoh. 800 00:35:19,365 --> 00:35:22,925 People will see me situation, lack of confidence there 801 00:35:23,545 --> 00:35:25,005 and less to other things 802 00:35:25,005 --> 00:35:27,325 that have been talked about or whatever we've gone through. 803 00:35:27,325 --> 00:35:29,365 Yeah. Uh, that conversation is ongoing. 804 00:35:29,725 --> 00:35:33,325 I cannot tell you if I if my vibe is correct or not. 805 00:35:33,745 --> 00:35:35,285 But that is, you know, yeah. 806 00:35:35,435 --> 00:35:36,885 That can, that can still happen. 807 00:35:37,465 --> 00:35:40,245 You will feel, uh, insecure sometimes. 808 00:35:40,385 --> 00:35:43,365 Not about who you are, but like, you are a kinky toy maker. 809 00:35:43,385 --> 00:35:47,565 And I have spent now literal years absolutely bigging you up 810 00:35:47,565 --> 00:35:50,045 because I'm like, yeah, look, it's not just people 811 00:35:50,045 --> 00:35:51,605 who know us personally that are buying shit. 812 00:35:51,605 --> 00:35:53,045 These are strangers. They don't have a fucking 813 00:35:53,115 --> 00:35:54,165 clue who we're . 814 00:35:54,555 --> 00:35:56,605 Look at this great paddle, look at this Mark. 815 00:35:56,675 --> 00:35:59,005 Read this review. Look at Yeah. Like, you know, 816 00:35:59,485 --> 00:36:00,485 - I know. 817 00:36:00,485 --> 00:36:02,765 And you know that that's a, that that's a thing 818 00:36:03,315 --> 00:36:05,045 many creators face. 819 00:36:05,265 --> 00:36:08,925 Oh, yeah. Um, you know, and, and I, I have it too. 820 00:36:09,165 --> 00:36:11,565 I deal with imposter syndrome. Mm-Hmm. 821 00:36:11,605 --> 00:36:16,565 all, you know, and it, it, it just is. 822 00:36:17,385 --> 00:36:21,685 And then she reminds me, you know, people like what you do. 823 00:36:21,825 --> 00:36:22,445 I'm like, okay. 824 00:36:22,545 --> 00:36:23,725 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. , 825 00:36:23,985 --> 00:36:25,565 - You're getting better about that. 826 00:36:25,675 --> 00:36:30,005 Yeah. You, you, uh, have less moments now than you used to. 827 00:36:30,115 --> 00:36:32,125 Like, there there are finally times when you'll make 828 00:36:32,285 --> 00:36:34,405 something, you'll be like, yeah, I fucking made that. 829 00:36:34,425 --> 00:36:37,365 And I'm like, , there he is. I like that. Yeah. 830 00:36:37,745 --> 00:36:40,325 Now we've spent a lot of time talking about, oh, sorry. I 831 00:36:40,325 --> 00:36:42,765 - Was about to, you know, going, going back to the, um, 832 00:36:43,665 --> 00:36:45,085 to the OF Mm-Hmm. 833 00:36:45,125 --> 00:36:46,445 , um, you know. Yeah. 834 00:36:46,875 --> 00:36:48,845 That, that has been something, you know, 835 00:36:49,035 --> 00:36:53,325 I've always been more of a voyeur Mm-Hmm. 836 00:36:53,365 --> 00:36:54,765 than an exhibitionist. 837 00:36:55,865 --> 00:37:00,805 And then add on top of that, um, 838 00:37:01,145 --> 00:37:05,485 for number of years I have not been happy 839 00:37:06,155 --> 00:37:07,165 with my body. 840 00:37:07,425 --> 00:37:08,605 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 841 00:37:08,645 --> 00:37:10,125 - . - Okay. 842 00:37:10,465 --> 00:37:14,645 Um, not happy with it at all. 843 00:37:14,905 --> 00:37:18,605 Uh, I look at myself and I'm like, don't like it. 844 00:37:19,015 --> 00:37:23,565 Don't like it. And, um, you know that, that's a tough one. 845 00:37:23,565 --> 00:37:24,565 Mm-Hmm. . 846 00:37:25,875 --> 00:37:27,645 - That - Is a tough one. Mm-Hmm. 847 00:37:27,925 --> 00:37:28,965 - . Well, 848 00:37:29,065 --> 00:37:32,725 and yeah, you already are not comfortable being watched. 849 00:37:33,665 --> 00:37:36,725 And then, and I get a, I love fucking being watched 850 00:37:36,865 --> 00:37:39,685 and I have my own, we talked about it, 851 00:37:39,685 --> 00:37:41,605 what was it in the last short episode? 852 00:37:41,865 --> 00:37:43,885 We talked about it recently about, you know, 853 00:37:44,285 --> 00:37:45,885 I love my body, so I Mm-Hmm. 854 00:37:45,925 --> 00:37:49,235 , I can, um, 855 00:37:49,625 --> 00:37:51,395 empathize completely with that. 856 00:37:51,395 --> 00:37:53,195 Yeah. But, and those kinds of things 857 00:37:54,295 --> 00:37:55,955 can hit your confidence level. 858 00:37:56,105 --> 00:37:58,355 Yeah. Let's say you're a person 859 00:37:58,455 --> 00:38:00,275 who can, can relate to that feeling. 860 00:38:00,455 --> 00:38:02,115 And for some people that will keep them from going 861 00:38:02,115 --> 00:38:03,315 to the dungeon and playing in front 862 00:38:03,315 --> 00:38:04,955 of other people they don't want Mm-Hmm. 863 00:38:04,995 --> 00:38:05,915 . Mm-Hmm. , they don't feel 864 00:38:05,915 --> 00:38:07,675 comfort, they don't feel comfortable with their body. 865 00:38:07,675 --> 00:38:09,635 They don't feel comfortable with their skills there. 866 00:38:09,695 --> 00:38:12,955 For a long time, JB was very hesitant to flog me in front 867 00:38:12,955 --> 00:38:15,475 of anybody because he was still practicing Florentine. 868 00:38:15,475 --> 00:38:17,075 And man, that was like, that's a skill 869 00:38:17,075 --> 00:38:18,555 that if you don't practice it, you will lose it. 870 00:38:18,555 --> 00:38:19,915 Mm-Hmm. takes a bit to get it back. 871 00:38:21,015 --> 00:38:24,275 And, um, you know, he was like, okay, 872 00:38:24,275 --> 00:38:25,475 I'm gonna do some real basic stuff. 873 00:38:25,535 --> 00:38:27,915 I'm not even gonna practice my Florentine on you 874 00:38:27,915 --> 00:38:29,075 where other people can see. 875 00:38:29,095 --> 00:38:31,355 And first of all, I think you get to make that decision. 876 00:38:31,555 --> 00:38:33,955 I think it, it's okay. Mm-Hmm. 877 00:38:33,995 --> 00:38:35,525 to keep some things private, 878 00:38:35,665 --> 00:38:38,805 to do them on your own, to do them away from, you know, 879 00:38:38,825 --> 00:38:40,765 prying eyes who can like, you know, 880 00:38:41,745 --> 00:38:43,965 who either you perceive might judge you 881 00:38:43,985 --> 00:38:45,485 or who will actually judge you. 882 00:38:45,945 --> 00:38:49,325 Um, you know, confidence does not mean you have to rush in 883 00:38:49,505 --> 00:38:51,885 and be under the spotlight and do all the things to prove 884 00:38:51,985 --> 00:38:53,405 how confident you are. 885 00:38:53,745 --> 00:38:55,125 Mm-Hmm. . Um, 886 00:38:55,125 --> 00:38:57,565 and you get to create a boundary about, you know, 887 00:38:57,945 --> 00:38:59,405 do I want to be watched for this? 888 00:38:59,545 --> 00:39:01,805 Do I want to, you know, do I wanna wait 889 00:39:01,805 --> 00:39:03,045 until I've improved my skills? 890 00:39:03,105 --> 00:39:05,605 Do I wanna wait until I feel something within 891 00:39:05,675 --> 00:39:07,565 that makes me feel more comfortable doing this? 892 00:39:08,025 --> 00:39:10,205 Yes. It's, you know, it 893 00:39:12,995 --> 00:39:14,005 feeling insecure 894 00:39:14,065 --> 00:39:16,165 and just not feeling as confident as you would like, 895 00:39:17,385 --> 00:39:20,925 is typically universally seen as a negative. 896 00:39:20,985 --> 00:39:24,125 And in some ways it is, if it limits you, uh, and, 897 00:39:24,185 --> 00:39:26,325 and the opportunities you take and the things you do, 898 00:39:26,585 --> 00:39:29,005 and how you, you know, behave in a relationship 899 00:39:29,185 --> 00:39:30,685 and how you interact with people 900 00:39:31,075 --> 00:39:32,885 that can't absolutely be a negative, 901 00:39:32,905 --> 00:39:35,725 but sometimes it's a, it's a growth opportunity. 902 00:39:35,745 --> 00:39:38,565 You're gonna move through that insecurity. 903 00:39:39,025 --> 00:39:41,845 You're going to, you know, gain more experience. 904 00:39:41,845 --> 00:39:43,045 You're gonna practice more. 905 00:39:43,225 --> 00:39:46,005 You're gonna only do something with very trusted people. 906 00:39:46,665 --> 00:39:47,885 You know, where, you know 907 00:39:47,885 --> 00:39:50,445 that when you make the inevitable oopsie 908 00:39:50,445 --> 00:39:52,045 or you look awkward, or you Mm-Hmm. 909 00:39:52,085 --> 00:39:55,045 get confused. You're in, you're safe to have 910 00:39:55,045 --> 00:39:58,045 that experience without worrying what everybody else thinks. 911 00:39:58,785 --> 00:40:00,325 Um, that's okay. 912 00:40:00,325 --> 00:40:02,605 That's just part, I think of the, the process 913 00:40:02,625 --> 00:40:04,765 of learning things and exploring things 914 00:40:04,945 --> 00:40:06,605 and figuring out who you are too. 915 00:40:07,345 --> 00:40:12,165 Um, you're not required to put yourself on display to prove 916 00:40:12,165 --> 00:40:13,365 that you're a confident person. 917 00:40:13,555 --> 00:40:16,845 Yeah. And, and I, you know, I might 918 00:40:17,725 --> 00:40:20,365 I might tease a little bit, a little bit. 919 00:40:20,605 --> 00:40:22,285 , I do not tease you about your body image issues. 920 00:40:22,405 --> 00:40:23,805 'cause guess what? I know. Ain't nobody allowed 921 00:40:23,805 --> 00:40:24,805 to fucking tease me about mine. 922 00:40:25,085 --> 00:40:27,205 I know. Um, I might tease you a little bit about the 923 00:40:27,205 --> 00:40:28,645 OnlyFans thing, but because it's, 924 00:40:28,645 --> 00:40:30,445 because from my perspective, 925 00:40:33,525 --> 00:40:36,205 anything that you would allow yourself to do 926 00:40:36,585 --> 00:40:37,965 to me, with me, Mm-Hmm. 927 00:40:38,005 --> 00:40:39,605 is something I don't have a problem 928 00:40:39,605 --> 00:40:40,605 with anybody seeing 929 00:40:40,715 --> 00:40:43,205 because true one, 930 00:40:43,205 --> 00:40:44,565 I don't care about other people's standards. 931 00:40:44,625 --> 00:40:47,245 We have our own standard of safety and pleasure. Right. 932 00:40:47,245 --> 00:40:51,205 Right. And I know you're gonna do what you feel comfortable 933 00:40:51,205 --> 00:40:52,685 and confident doing. 934 00:40:52,985 --> 00:40:56,325 Mm-Hmm. . But I also respect the self-imposed 935 00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:58,405 pressure that you might feel. 936 00:40:58,465 --> 00:41:00,645 And so this is true for any form of public play. 937 00:41:00,735 --> 00:41:05,325 There are plenty of people who are like, who are well aware 938 00:41:05,325 --> 00:41:06,405 of why they're not gonna go play 939 00:41:06,405 --> 00:41:07,485 in a dungeon or a play party. 940 00:41:07,625 --> 00:41:09,325 And it, some of it relates to this, right. 941 00:41:09,325 --> 00:41:11,285 It's like, I don't, I don't want to feel, 942 00:41:11,315 --> 00:41:12,605 even if nobody is judging me, 943 00:41:12,605 --> 00:41:14,205 I don't wanna feel like anybody's judging me. 944 00:41:14,235 --> 00:41:16,005 Sure. And I, I, that's okay. 945 00:41:16,285 --> 00:41:19,125 I don't, I don't think we all have to walk around, you know, 946 00:41:19,885 --> 00:41:22,565 pounding our chest and, you know, pretend that, 947 00:41:22,565 --> 00:41:24,125 fake it till you make a thing pretending 948 00:41:24,125 --> 00:41:25,885 to be confident just to make sure 949 00:41:25,885 --> 00:41:28,045 that nobody else thinks we're not confident, 950 00:41:28,045 --> 00:41:30,125 like confident, real confidence. 951 00:41:30,125 --> 00:41:33,125 To me, the kind that I relate to most 952 00:41:33,305 --> 00:41:35,205 and the people tend to put me at ease, 953 00:41:35,205 --> 00:41:36,205 like the people themselves. 954 00:41:36,515 --> 00:41:38,045 It's a quiet confidence. 955 00:41:38,045 --> 00:41:39,605 It's the, I don't have to go around telling it 956 00:41:39,605 --> 00:41:40,925 and I don't have to go around proving it. 957 00:41:40,925 --> 00:41:42,725 Yeah. I just, I'm gonna be who I am. Mm-Hmm. 958 00:41:42,765 --> 00:41:45,285 the funny thing with that is sometimes we, 959 00:41:45,385 --> 00:41:50,245 and we are including ourselves, we come across as confident, 960 00:41:50,665 --> 00:41:53,045 but in our head, it's a spinning hamster wheel 961 00:41:53,065 --> 00:41:54,645 of all the worries and all 962 00:41:54,645 --> 00:41:55,925 the things we don't think we're doing. Right. 963 00:41:56,825 --> 00:41:58,925 - You know, somebody asked in, in chat if 964 00:41:59,145 --> 00:42:01,485 as an older person in lifestyle, if, 965 00:42:01,785 --> 00:42:04,205 if I feel confidence comes easier. 966 00:42:04,665 --> 00:42:08,805 Mm. And to a certain extent, yes. 967 00:42:09,555 --> 00:42:12,125 Yeah. Um, because it's like I said 968 00:42:12,125 --> 00:42:14,605 before, you know, it's kind of like going to the gym. 969 00:42:14,905 --> 00:42:18,165 You, you exercise that, that muscle enough Mm-Hmm. 970 00:42:18,205 --> 00:42:19,885 . And it becomes muscle memory. Mm-Hmm. 971 00:42:19,925 --> 00:42:22,805 . Okay. So, you know, you, you just kind of, 972 00:42:23,225 --> 00:42:25,005 you know, go into things and, 973 00:42:25,105 --> 00:42:26,885 and you, you know what you're doing. 974 00:42:28,545 --> 00:42:32,165 Now that being said, um, 975 00:42:32,835 --> 00:42:35,365 this weekend I'm going to a workshop 976 00:42:35,785 --> 00:42:38,405 to learn something totally new, something I have never done 977 00:42:38,405 --> 00:42:40,085 before, but I have had an interest in. 978 00:42:41,305 --> 00:42:44,765 And I'm like, yeah, that's pretty cool. 979 00:42:45,065 --> 00:42:46,285 I'm, I'm looking forward to this. 980 00:42:46,325 --> 00:42:49,445 I really want know how this is how this is done. 981 00:42:50,225 --> 00:42:53,165 And part of this is that afterwards 982 00:42:53,705 --> 00:42:56,365 you can then try it. 983 00:42:56,905 --> 00:42:58,205 - Mm-Hmm. - and do it. 984 00:42:58,705 --> 00:43:02,445 And, you know, while I'm looking forward to this, 985 00:43:02,445 --> 00:43:03,925 because it's something I want to learn, 986 00:43:04,035 --> 00:43:05,645 there's still in the back of my head, 987 00:43:05,945 --> 00:43:07,125 am I gonna be able to do this? 988 00:43:07,195 --> 00:43:11,485 What if I, you know? Sure. So to a certain extent, yes. 989 00:43:11,665 --> 00:43:15,965 The, the confidence does get a little easier as old, 990 00:43:16,145 --> 00:43:18,085 you know, it's kinda like getting a little older, you know, 991 00:43:18,085 --> 00:43:20,245 and less fucks to give too . 992 00:43:20,375 --> 00:43:21,885 Right. You know, but, 993 00:43:24,065 --> 00:43:26,725 but you know, sometimes there, there's always that, 994 00:43:26,835 --> 00:43:28,685 that little niggle, you know, it's like, 995 00:43:29,625 --> 00:43:32,925 - And here's the thing to me, I don't read that as a lack 996 00:43:32,925 --> 00:43:34,725 of confidence or you being insecure. 997 00:43:35,205 --> 00:43:37,085 I read that as being cautious. 998 00:43:37,585 --> 00:43:39,485 And a too many people think being 999 00:43:40,005 --> 00:43:41,405 cautious means you're insecure. 1000 00:43:42,245 --> 00:43:43,605 I think I said that a few minutes ago. 1001 00:43:43,825 --> 00:43:45,765 I'm just, my brain's coming back around to it. Mm-Hmm. 1002 00:43:45,805 --> 00:43:49,205 . Um, and sometimes yes, you can be too 1003 00:43:49,765 --> 00:43:52,805 cautious because of insecurities and lack of confidence. 1004 00:43:52,805 --> 00:43:56,125 Yeah. Yes. But the, just the idea that you're like, Ooh, 1005 00:43:56,545 --> 00:43:57,845 I'm, I'm gonna do that, and I don't know how 1006 00:43:57,845 --> 00:43:59,605 that's gonna go, and am I gonna be any good at it? 1007 00:44:00,145 --> 00:44:01,565 Am I am gonna be safe? 1008 00:44:01,585 --> 00:44:02,685 Am I gonna be able to do it 1009 00:44:02,685 --> 00:44:03,845 in a way that doesn't harm anybody? 1010 00:44:03,845 --> 00:44:05,765 Mm-Hmm. , that's just caution there. Yeah. 1011 00:44:05,915 --> 00:44:07,325 That please, please. 1012 00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:09,285 More people be a little bit more cautious. 1013 00:44:09,435 --> 00:44:10,685 Like I just, I don't know 1014 00:44:10,685 --> 00:44:12,405 that there's enough people being cautious. 1015 00:44:12,985 --> 00:44:15,125 Um, but there, as with everything, there's a line 1016 00:44:15,125 --> 00:44:16,685 where you can cross that line from Mm-Hmm. 1017 00:44:16,725 --> 00:44:20,125 sort of a, a typical amount of caution 1018 00:44:20,125 --> 00:44:23,485 that will still allow you to do the thing and be nervous, 1019 00:44:23,785 --> 00:44:26,405 but do it and go the other way to 1020 00:44:26,405 --> 00:44:29,405 where you can't do anything because you're so cautious. 1021 00:44:30,045 --> 00:44:32,045 I am that person, hi, uh, , 1022 00:44:32,045 --> 00:44:34,685 where all you could think is of how you'll fuck it up. 1023 00:44:34,865 --> 00:44:36,365 And so you can't do anything at all. 1024 00:44:36,385 --> 00:44:37,285 And that's where I think your 1025 00:44:37,285 --> 00:44:39,245 insecurities are getting in the way. 1026 00:44:39,825 --> 00:44:43,325 Um, but yeah, to be cautious does not mean to be insecure. 1027 00:44:44,025 --> 00:44:47,285 Um, and the fact, I think what would allow you to do, 1028 00:44:47,745 --> 00:44:50,125 to do it or to not do it would be confidence. 1029 00:44:50,145 --> 00:44:52,645 So if you go and you learn this thing Mm-Hmm. 1030 00:44:52,685 --> 00:44:54,445 , and you've got enough experience 1031 00:44:54,795 --> 00:44:57,285 with yourself doing kink things 1032 00:44:57,465 --> 00:44:59,005 and learning how to do kink things, 1033 00:44:59,265 --> 00:45:01,565 and you have co you have experience knowing 1034 00:45:01,585 --> 00:45:02,725 how your body moves 1035 00:45:02,745 --> 00:45:05,525 and what you are physically capable of, that if you sat 1036 00:45:05,525 --> 00:45:08,565 through that workshop and what that is really cool. 1037 00:45:09,125 --> 00:45:11,965 I am today not at a place where I could do that thing. 1038 00:45:11,965 --> 00:45:12,965 Mm-Hmm. not safely. 1039 00:45:13,185 --> 00:45:15,245 Not in a way that I will feel comfortable with 1040 00:45:15,305 --> 00:45:17,285 and, you know, manage the risk. 1041 00:45:17,555 --> 00:45:21,605 Yeah. That to me, the confidence to say that's really cool, 1042 00:45:21,665 --> 00:45:22,885 but I cannot do it yet. 1043 00:45:22,885 --> 00:45:24,245 That's confidence. Mm-Hmm. . Right? 1044 00:45:24,245 --> 00:45:25,845 Because it's confidence in yourself 1045 00:45:25,865 --> 00:45:28,725 and the other direction of I can get there, 1046 00:45:28,785 --> 00:45:29,925 but I'm not there today. 1047 00:45:30,625 --> 00:45:32,285 The that's, it goes back to 1048 00:45:32,535 --> 00:45:34,845 where fake it till you make it makes me nervous and kink. 1049 00:45:34,845 --> 00:45:36,685 Yeah. The fake it till you'll make it will be like, oh, 1050 00:45:36,765 --> 00:45:39,405 I don't even mentally, I don't know if I can do that, 1051 00:45:39,405 --> 00:45:40,805 but I gotta pretend I'm confident, 1052 00:45:40,925 --> 00:45:43,365 I gotta prove I'm confident I'll go off 1053 00:45:43,365 --> 00:45:46,565 and do the thing that, that one lesson was not 1054 00:45:46,565 --> 00:45:47,765 enough and I should not have done that. 1055 00:45:49,985 --> 00:45:52,605 Now we've been talking a lot about individual kink identity, 1056 00:45:52,785 --> 00:45:55,085 and I think that if you can grow confident in your kink 1057 00:45:55,565 --> 00:45:59,445 identity, that translates over to your power exchange. 1058 00:45:59,545 --> 00:46:03,165 But I do think there's some layers that are separate 1059 00:46:03,265 --> 00:46:07,325 for a dynamic where both partners can be confident within 1060 00:46:07,465 --> 00:46:11,445 the dynamic that are similar to, I know 1061 00:46:12,075 --> 00:46:15,405 Lola clearly worked a couple of doubles just back to back. 1062 00:46:15,595 --> 00:46:17,085 Yeah. Nobody tipped. 1063 00:46:17,085 --> 00:46:21,245 Well, , she's got a three pack a day habit. Yeah. 1064 00:46:21,265 --> 00:46:22,365 And she's just snoring. 1065 00:46:22,465 --> 00:46:26,205 Um, sorry, did I make her a, a Waffle House waitress? 1066 00:46:26,205 --> 00:46:27,285 Yes, I did. . Anyway. 1067 00:46:28,385 --> 00:46:31,765 Um, so within the dynamic part of, of mm-Hmm. 1068 00:46:31,805 --> 00:46:34,885 feeling con becoming confident in your power 1069 00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:37,205 exchange, what are some thoughts that you have 1070 00:46:38,925 --> 00:46:41,645 - Becoming confident, - Feeling confident. 1071 00:46:41,695 --> 00:46:44,325 Being confident, however you'd like to think about that. 1072 00:46:45,885 --> 00:46:49,405 - I, I think to, to get there, you need to 1073 00:46:50,665 --> 00:46:52,685 be open to learning new things. 1074 00:46:53,105 --> 00:46:54,125 Mm-Hmm. . Alright. 1075 00:46:54,745 --> 00:46:58,885 Um, you know, this one here is sitting across from me. 1076 00:46:59,065 --> 00:47:03,605 She, she, um, you know, kind of teased me, 1077 00:47:03,755 --> 00:47:06,605 playful, uh, ribbing sometimes 1078 00:47:06,605 --> 00:47:08,565 because whether it's it's kink or, 1079 00:47:08,785 --> 00:47:11,885 or even something that I'm interested in my vanilla life, 1080 00:47:12,385 --> 00:47:15,325 um, I will, you know, go 1081 00:47:15,465 --> 00:47:19,285 and do, you know, one-on-one workshops? 1082 00:47:19,345 --> 00:47:21,085 Mm-Hmm. . And she'd be like, 1083 00:47:21,085 --> 00:47:23,165 you know, what are you doing? 1084 00:47:23,265 --> 00:47:27,245 You've been doing this, you know, you could be teaching it. 1085 00:47:27,905 --> 00:47:31,885 And you know what, whether it's, um, something to do with, 1086 00:47:31,885 --> 00:47:33,965 with flogging or, or wax play 1087 00:47:34,105 --> 00:47:38,125 or even pen making, I have found, um, 1088 00:47:38,975 --> 00:47:43,565 going to, um, 1 0 1 stuff. 1089 00:47:44,565 --> 00:47:46,605 I always pick something up. Mm-Hmm. 1090 00:47:46,645 --> 00:47:51,445 , I always pick up a new little tidbit to add 1091 00:47:51,445 --> 00:47:53,325 to the toolbox per se. 1092 00:47:53,325 --> 00:47:55,845 And when I say toolbox, I mean the one up here in your, 1093 00:47:56,265 --> 00:47:57,565 you know, in your, in your head. 1094 00:47:58,305 --> 00:48:01,365 Um, you know, so, so yeah. 1095 00:48:01,465 --> 00:48:04,365 Be be open to learning no matter where it comes from. 1096 00:48:04,585 --> 00:48:06,085 Mm-Hmm. . Okay. 1097 00:48:08,325 --> 00:48:11,365 , poor girl . 1098 00:48:14,305 --> 00:48:16,405 And, and I think that's the most important thing. 1099 00:48:17,345 --> 00:48:19,925 And, and then of course there is doing the thing 1100 00:48:19,925 --> 00:48:22,325 because by doing the thing, you know, 1101 00:48:23,825 --> 00:48:25,445 are you gonna do it perfectly outta the gate? 1102 00:48:25,925 --> 00:48:30,085 Probably not. Um, but that's okay 1103 00:48:30,195 --> 00:48:34,045 because you learn from your mistakes. 1104 00:48:34,585 --> 00:48:38,125 You know, if you keep repeating the same mistake over 1105 00:48:38,125 --> 00:48:40,125 and over time, step back and, and, 1106 00:48:40,185 --> 00:48:41,605 and reassess certain things. 1107 00:48:42,185 --> 00:48:45,005 But you know, you, you learn from your mistakes, 1108 00:48:45,635 --> 00:48:49,365 that builds your muscle strength, your confident strength, 1109 00:48:49,585 --> 00:48:50,885 and, and you, you know, 1110 00:48:50,915 --> 00:48:52,765 keep building from there. Mm-Hmm. . 1111 00:48:53,145 --> 00:48:54,925 - Mm-Hmm. . I agree with all of that. 1112 00:48:55,665 --> 00:48:57,645 Uh, when I think of how you 1113 00:48:57,665 --> 00:49:01,445 and I have developed confidence in our dynamic and mm-Hmm. 1114 00:49:01,485 --> 00:49:02,685 each other over the years, 1115 00:49:02,875 --> 00:49:03,925 some things come to mind. 1116 00:49:04,155 --> 00:49:06,805 Okay? Um, something I've said many, many times, um, 1117 00:49:06,955 --> 00:49:10,125 both sides of the slash you need to be a person 1118 00:49:10,995 --> 00:49:13,725 that your person can be safe with and feel safe with. 1119 00:49:13,725 --> 00:49:17,405 Mm-Hmm. . So that means, you know, to the, 1120 00:49:17,505 --> 00:49:19,085 to the, to the best of your ability 1121 00:49:19,855 --> 00:49:22,085 being judgment free when you, when they bring something 1122 00:49:22,085 --> 00:49:23,765 to you and listen to you, and it doesn't mean you won't have 1123 00:49:23,765 --> 00:49:25,765 feelings, it doesn't mean there won't be conflict, right? 1124 00:49:25,765 --> 00:49:28,885 Mm-Hmm. . But if I know that I can go say 1125 00:49:29,805 --> 00:49:33,765 anything to JB then, and I practice that 1126 00:49:33,765 --> 00:49:35,925 because in the beginning I'm not confident about that. 1127 00:49:35,925 --> 00:49:37,365 But at some point you take a leap of faith 1128 00:49:37,365 --> 00:49:38,805 and you go, Hmm, let's try. 1129 00:49:39,305 --> 00:49:42,485 And he continues to be the person I expect him to be 1130 00:49:42,485 --> 00:49:44,645 because that's the person he has presented himself as. 1131 00:49:44,915 --> 00:49:46,085 Then I grow in confidence 1132 00:49:46,085 --> 00:49:47,765 that I can keep coming to him and telling him things. 1133 00:49:48,265 --> 00:49:50,205 Uh, I'm not the person on the, 1134 00:49:50,265 --> 00:49:51,885 the first day I tell you a hard thing, 1135 00:49:51,995 --> 00:49:53,845 will it be the hardest thing I've ever had to explain? 1136 00:49:53,855 --> 00:49:57,005 It'll be a small thing as like a sending up a little, 1137 00:49:57,605 --> 00:50:01,005 a little, uh, flag to see, hey, wait, what, what happens? 1138 00:50:01,095 --> 00:50:02,205 Right? Mm-Hmm. 1139 00:50:02,245 --> 00:50:05,005 - . - And he doesn't judge, 1140 00:50:05,065 --> 00:50:06,445 and he doesn't give me crap, 1141 00:50:06,445 --> 00:50:07,525 and he doesn't make me feel bad. 1142 00:50:07,525 --> 00:50:08,525 And he listens. 1143 00:50:08,865 --> 00:50:10,445 And listening is as much a skill 1144 00:50:10,505 --> 00:50:11,805 as actually saying the thing. 1145 00:50:11,985 --> 00:50:15,325 So if you are great at speaking, um, 1146 00:50:15,705 --> 00:50:16,885 but not so great at listening, 1147 00:50:16,885 --> 00:50:18,245 that's something to cultivate, right? 1148 00:50:18,545 --> 00:50:21,325 Mm-Hmm. . Um, so that's part of it, right? 1149 00:50:21,355 --> 00:50:25,525 Like being able to, if I feel safe to be exactly 1150 00:50:25,825 --> 00:50:28,125 who I am with him, good, bad, 1151 00:50:28,125 --> 00:50:31,445 and ugly, then I can be become more confident in 1152 00:50:31,445 --> 00:50:32,525 who we are and what we're doing. 1153 00:50:32,785 --> 00:50:34,485 And that is reciprocated, right? Yeah. 1154 00:50:34,545 --> 00:50:37,205 He is safe to be exactly who he is with me, 1155 00:50:37,205 --> 00:50:38,445 to say what he needs to say. 1156 00:50:38,465 --> 00:50:41,885 Now, do we sometimes have to have the lesson of, okay, 1157 00:50:41,885 --> 00:50:44,285 there's, there's a way to approach, there's a way to 1158 00:50:45,025 --> 00:50:47,645 say this, some things that I'm still working on, 1159 00:50:47,705 --> 00:50:51,445 so I can't always, you know, hear you in the way 1160 00:50:51,755 --> 00:50:53,045 that you want me to hear you. 1161 00:50:53,045 --> 00:50:54,605 And we have to, we have to navigate 1162 00:50:54,605 --> 00:50:55,885 that together, of course. 1163 00:50:56,055 --> 00:50:59,765 Right? Um, the other way that I know for us that I've, 1164 00:51:00,365 --> 00:51:03,925 I am confident in us, even when I lack a little bit 1165 00:51:03,925 --> 00:51:06,685 of confidence in myself, is that through every 1166 00:51:07,245 --> 00:51:09,445 conflict we've had, every time we've gotten angry at one 1167 00:51:09,445 --> 00:51:13,365 another, um, for the most part except for one time, 1168 00:51:13,505 --> 00:51:15,525 and it was the worst argument we've ever had, 1169 00:51:15,925 --> 00:51:17,965 our power exchange is not really affected by it. 1170 00:51:17,975 --> 00:51:19,605 We're still doing the things we agreed 1171 00:51:19,625 --> 00:51:23,165 to do right now isn't perfectly valid in your power exchange 1172 00:51:23,165 --> 00:51:24,165 to go, okay, time out, we've 1173 00:51:24,165 --> 00:51:24,845 gotta get through this conflict. 1174 00:51:25,015 --> 00:51:26,365 We'll get back into this. Sure. Yeah. 1175 00:51:26,625 --> 00:51:27,885 We don't really have that. 1176 00:51:29,085 --> 00:51:31,685 I think we, because it hasn't come up often enough. 1177 00:51:32,065 --> 00:51:33,565 The one time there was an argument 1178 00:51:33,565 --> 00:51:35,845 where somebody was not their best self 1179 00:51:36,185 --> 00:51:38,485 and literally tried it happens. 1180 00:51:38,995 --> 00:51:41,925 Yeah. Tried to both use power exchange as a weapon 1181 00:51:42,105 --> 00:51:45,805 and also withdrew power exchange as a punishment, like a, 1182 00:51:45,965 --> 00:51:47,405 a non-consensual punishment. 1183 00:51:47,555 --> 00:51:50,165 Yeah. It was, it was a bad argument. 1184 00:51:50,185 --> 00:51:52,245 And we had to have a hard conversation 1185 00:51:52,245 --> 00:51:53,565 with not my best moment at 1186 00:51:53,565 --> 00:51:55,365 that point when we were ready to resolve it. 1187 00:51:55,465 --> 00:51:59,445 But that is, so that's the one 1188 00:51:59,445 --> 00:52:00,965 and only time over all these years. 1189 00:52:01,225 --> 00:52:03,485 Mm-Hmm. typically, and, 1190 00:52:03,625 --> 00:52:05,725 and the reason we were having the worst argument 1191 00:52:05,825 --> 00:52:08,365 of our lives were for outside purposes 1192 00:52:08,365 --> 00:52:11,045 that were strains upon us as individuals, right. 1193 00:52:11,045 --> 00:52:12,245 That then put the strain on the right. 1194 00:52:12,245 --> 00:52:13,645 It wasn't even that we were No, no. 1195 00:52:13,785 --> 00:52:16,485 Um, but by 1196 00:52:16,505 --> 00:52:20,525 and large, we, our power exchange continues on for us. 1197 00:52:20,525 --> 00:52:21,965 That's how we do it. It continues on. 1198 00:52:22,505 --> 00:52:25,325 And or I can imagine if we are the type, we're the type 1199 00:52:25,385 --> 00:52:28,085 to time out, the power exchange to get through the conflict, 1200 00:52:28,555 --> 00:52:31,285 then what would build confidence in me is, okay, 1201 00:52:31,285 --> 00:52:34,525 that's resolved time in and we're back to ourselves. 1202 00:52:34,675 --> 00:52:36,045 There's no, you know, 1203 00:52:36,045 --> 00:52:38,045 there might be lingering upset feelings, 1204 00:52:38,045 --> 00:52:39,485 but there's no lingering resentment 1205 00:52:39,485 --> 00:52:41,645 that then gets played out through the power exchange like 1206 00:52:42,265 --> 00:52:43,485 jb other than that one time. 1207 00:52:43,545 --> 00:52:46,205 And, and he, he, he made it right. 1208 00:52:46,225 --> 00:52:47,805 And it's we're fine , 1209 00:52:48,345 --> 00:52:50,725 but in general, JB does not weaponize 1210 00:52:50,725 --> 00:52:51,765 his dominance against me. 1211 00:52:51,765 --> 00:52:53,325 Right. No. Like, he's not using it 1212 00:52:53,325 --> 00:52:55,445 as a cudgel when he is pissed off at me. 1213 00:52:55,875 --> 00:52:58,125 That is how you do not have confidence in your dynamic 1214 00:52:58,195 --> 00:53:02,365 because the, it's a, it's a mutual exchange 1215 00:53:02,945 --> 00:53:04,525 of power and control. 1216 00:53:05,225 --> 00:53:07,965 If one person weaponizes it against the other, 1217 00:53:08,025 --> 00:53:09,325 and yes, the missives can do that, 1218 00:53:09,835 --> 00:53:13,445 then you trust is gonna break down trust in both you 1219 00:53:13,445 --> 00:53:15,005 as a person and also the dynamic 1220 00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:16,245 you've built with one another. 1221 00:53:16,865 --> 00:53:20,685 Um, so that for, for me is where a lot 1222 00:53:20,685 --> 00:53:22,125 of the confidence comes from. 1223 00:53:22,125 --> 00:53:24,085 Yeah. Um, also, 1224 00:53:25,015 --> 00:53:27,245 other than probably his absolute worst moments, 1225 00:53:27,255 --> 00:53:28,805 which are very rare, 1226 00:53:28,865 --> 00:53:30,845 and I would say the same is probably true for me, 1227 00:53:30,845 --> 00:53:34,725 other than my most awful moments, we continue to be 1228 00:53:35,145 --> 00:53:36,445 who we have always been. 1229 00:53:36,555 --> 00:53:38,085 Yeah. There's no bait and switch here of 1230 00:53:38,085 --> 00:53:39,965 how he was super nice when we got together 1231 00:53:40,145 --> 00:53:43,885 and then once we were solidified, you know, it was a heck, 1232 00:53:44,125 --> 00:53:45,325 a heckle and ji Yeah. 1233 00:53:45,545 --> 00:53:46,685 God damn a Jekyll 1234 00:53:46,685 --> 00:53:49,925 and Hyde , The brain's not braining today. 1235 00:53:49,995 --> 00:53:52,565 Okay. Um, you know, he didn't pull a Jekyll 1236 00:53:52,565 --> 00:53:53,685 and Hyde like he has been. 1237 00:53:54,105 --> 00:53:57,405 And for the most part I am, I think, I think it's true. 1238 00:53:58,165 --> 00:53:59,405 I am who I have always been. 1239 00:53:59,785 --> 00:54:02,405 The only difference is I have let my weird out 1240 00:54:02,985 --> 00:54:05,485 in ways I did not in the early days. Yes. 1241 00:54:05,945 --> 00:54:06,945 - Yes. 1242 00:54:07,825 --> 00:54:10,085 - Yes. But the core of like, 1243 00:54:10,225 --> 00:54:11,365 - You don't know how many times 1244 00:54:11,835 --> 00:54:13,125 I'll be walking through the house. 1245 00:54:13,985 --> 00:54:16,205 She doesn't know I'm there and, 1246 00:54:16,225 --> 00:54:18,845 and I will just stop dead in my tracks and, and, 1247 00:54:18,945 --> 00:54:21,885 and watch the action. 1248 00:54:22,465 --> 00:54:24,085 - But you know what, that's my 1249 00:54:24,085 --> 00:54:25,485 confidence in our relationship. 1250 00:54:25,485 --> 00:54:28,685 Yeah. Because what I, I'm slowly learning is, oh, 1251 00:54:28,955 --> 00:54:30,925 I've been masking my whole fucking life 1252 00:54:30,945 --> 00:54:33,045 and at home with my family, , 1253 00:54:33,045 --> 00:54:34,565 certainly the one place you should not 1254 00:54:34,565 --> 00:54:36,005 necessarily have to mask all the time. 1255 00:54:36,145 --> 00:54:37,245 Uh, the masks come off. 1256 00:54:37,365 --> 00:54:41,365 I have burned the mask, uh, buried the dashes, uh, under a, 1257 00:54:41,445 --> 00:54:42,565 a sacred tree somewhere. 1258 00:54:42,565 --> 00:54:44,805 Yeah. And now I let all my weird out. Mm-Hmm. . 1259 00:54:44,805 --> 00:54:46,205 Mm-Hmm. . But I'm, I'm safe too, 1260 00:54:46,205 --> 00:54:50,845 because this per this partner of mine has, has, 1261 00:54:51,505 --> 00:54:53,045 is a safe person for me. 1262 00:54:53,045 --> 00:54:56,005 Right. That to me is probably the most important thing of, 1263 00:54:56,105 --> 00:54:58,525 of any power exchange. 1264 00:54:58,605 --> 00:55:01,085 I don't care if it's romantic, sexual platonic. 1265 00:55:01,225 --> 00:55:03,125 If, if we're, you're trying to be long term, 1266 00:55:03,435 --> 00:55:04,645 whether you just met 1267 00:55:04,985 --> 00:55:06,365 or you've been together for a decade, 1268 00:55:06,545 --> 00:55:07,685 you want this to be long term. 1269 00:55:07,685 --> 00:55:10,165 Mm-Hmm. . You have to be safe for each other. 1270 00:55:11,025 --> 00:55:12,605 And that can mean a whole bunch of different things. 1271 00:55:12,785 --> 00:55:17,405 But in, in our case, JB is is 1272 00:55:18,345 --> 00:55:20,525 is the person who can, I can say the weird thing. 1273 00:55:21,165 --> 00:55:25,005 I can say the angry thing. I can say the hard thing. 1274 00:55:25,905 --> 00:55:27,405 He might not always, like what I'm saying. 1275 00:55:27,415 --> 00:55:29,205 There might be conflict we have to resolve, 1276 00:55:29,425 --> 00:55:30,805 but I'm always free to say that. 1277 00:55:31,025 --> 00:55:33,205 And I'm not then judged for that later. No. 1278 00:55:33,785 --> 00:55:36,525 And then that's reciprocated like he can. 1279 00:55:36,875 --> 00:55:39,645 - Yeah. And you know, it was brought up in, in the chat, 1280 00:55:40,415 --> 00:55:42,605 which I think fits in very well with this about, 1281 00:55:43,465 --> 00:55:46,725 and they say how their subs confidence in them 1282 00:55:46,865 --> 00:55:50,965 as a dom helps fuel confidence in themselves. 1283 00:55:51,595 --> 00:55:53,485 - Yeah. I could - See that. I think that's a, 1284 00:55:53,645 --> 00:55:54,685 that's a two way street. 1285 00:55:54,865 --> 00:55:56,965 - Oh yeah. When you believe in me Mm-Hmm. 1286 00:55:57,005 --> 00:55:58,285 I believe in me. Yeah. 1287 00:55:58,285 --> 00:56:01,325 - Mm-Hmm. . So, you know, it, it feeds off 1288 00:56:01,325 --> 00:56:02,365 of one another. 1289 00:56:02,425 --> 00:56:05,165 Mm-Hmm. . And, you know, I I, 1290 00:56:05,285 --> 00:56:08,365 I think it can go any number of ways, you know, if I 1291 00:56:08,905 --> 00:56:12,045 can give off a, a feeling of confidence 1292 00:56:12,155 --> 00:56:15,925 that makes you feel C and if you do the same, you know, and, 1293 00:56:16,105 --> 00:56:17,725 - And sometimes I think we do that for each other. 1294 00:56:17,865 --> 00:56:19,925 We have gone into situations 1295 00:56:19,925 --> 00:56:23,005 where we were not necessarily a hundred percent confident, 1296 00:56:23,105 --> 00:56:24,565 but we could lean on one another. 1297 00:56:25,025 --> 00:56:28,245 Yes. And united, like, as a united front, 1298 00:56:28,265 --> 00:56:30,565 we are gonna appear a lot more confident. 1299 00:56:30,755 --> 00:56:35,125 Also, I have found that the things that terrify me to have 1300 00:56:35,125 --> 00:56:38,245 to go do or I not zero confidence. 1301 00:56:38,245 --> 00:56:39,325 Mm-Hmm. in myself. 1302 00:56:39,545 --> 00:56:44,285 If JB is there, my confidence in myself may only go up 1303 00:56:44,285 --> 00:56:46,285 to like 10% confidence in myself. 1304 00:56:46,625 --> 00:56:49,525 But my confidence in JB not 1305 00:56:49,525 --> 00:56:51,685 to let me fall flat on my fucking face 1306 00:56:51,685 --> 00:56:54,245 and look a damn fool that's at about 150% 1307 00:56:54,395 --> 00:56:56,525 because one of two things is gonna happen. 1308 00:56:56,715 --> 00:56:59,405 He's either gonna like, come be next to me 1309 00:56:59,905 --> 00:57:01,085 so I don't have to do a fucking thing. 1310 00:57:01,125 --> 00:57:03,805 I can just sit there and, you know, be, be 1311 00:57:04,425 --> 00:57:06,765 or he is gonna help get me out of that situation 1312 00:57:06,945 --> 00:57:08,605 and give me a space to go calm down 1313 00:57:08,625 --> 00:57:10,845 or be like, maybe we need to go now or whatever. 1314 00:57:10,845 --> 00:57:14,085 Mm-Hmm. Like, we have enough of a, a close, you know, 1315 00:57:14,085 --> 00:57:17,405 we've been close enough in these situations Mm-Hmm. 1316 00:57:17,465 --> 00:57:19,325 For long enough that he can read me 1317 00:57:19,325 --> 00:57:20,525 and he knows kind of what I need. 1318 00:57:20,705 --> 00:57:23,245 At the same time, I know if he's not feeling confident, 1319 00:57:23,885 --> 00:57:26,645 I have found mostly if I just walk up to you 1320 00:57:26,985 --> 00:57:28,485 and lean into you or touch you 1321 00:57:28,485 --> 00:57:31,125 or hold your hand, you almost stand up straighter. 1322 00:57:31,465 --> 00:57:33,245 And then I don't do this in front of other people 1323 00:57:33,245 --> 00:57:36,365 because it doesn't feel appropriate to. 1324 00:57:36,705 --> 00:57:38,765 But when we are, it's just the two of us. 1325 00:57:39,085 --> 00:57:41,725 I am real quick to tell you, I think you did a good job. 1326 00:57:41,725 --> 00:57:43,165 Mm-Hmm. I think you handled that well. 1327 00:57:43,585 --> 00:57:45,325 You know, I knew you were a little nervous, 1328 00:57:45,545 --> 00:57:47,765 but you, you did not come across that way. 1329 00:57:47,765 --> 00:57:49,765 Like, I'm going to Right. Do whatever I can to try 1330 00:57:49,765 --> 00:57:50,965 and bolster your confidence. 1331 00:57:50,965 --> 00:57:52,365 Mm-Hmm. , um, in the way 1332 00:57:52,365 --> 00:57:54,085 that is appropriate for you Sure. 1333 00:57:54,105 --> 00:57:57,125 And the situation. Yeah. 1334 00:57:57,525 --> 00:58:01,725 - I agree. - So, you know, I think ultimately 1335 00:58:02,875 --> 00:58:06,605 time, experience, doing the damn thing, 1336 00:58:07,785 --> 00:58:10,765 you know, those things are gonna increase confidence, um, 1337 00:58:11,305 --> 00:58:14,245 in partnerships and relationships and power exchange. 1338 00:58:14,675 --> 00:58:18,165 It's being with the right person, you know, you should not 1339 00:58:18,835 --> 00:58:23,365 walk around feeling less than with a partner all the time. 1340 00:58:24,665 --> 00:58:28,005 And ideally that's either something within yourself 1341 00:58:28,005 --> 00:58:29,445 to work on, maybe through therapy or whatever. 1342 00:58:29,665 --> 00:58:32,085 But also if you have a partner who is validating you 1343 00:58:32,085 --> 00:58:35,405 and building you up and trying to be a source of support 1344 00:58:35,405 --> 00:58:36,805 and strength for you Mm-Hmm. 1345 00:58:36,845 --> 00:58:39,085 , then you, those feelings should over time, 1346 00:58:39,945 --> 00:58:41,205 slowly dissipate. 1347 00:58:41,205 --> 00:58:45,005 Like how much they dissipate over how much time depends on 1348 00:58:45,005 --> 00:58:46,805 what the cause of those feelings are in the first place. 1349 00:58:47,145 --> 00:58:50,125 But if you're partner is part 1350 00:58:50,125 --> 00:58:52,605 of the reason you are not feeling confident, 1351 00:58:52,905 --> 00:58:54,685 that's a problem, that's a problem. 1352 00:58:54,685 --> 00:58:58,885 Partner. They're either, it's either a huge incompatibility 1353 00:58:59,505 --> 00:59:02,765 or there's something else going on, or I, I don't know. 1354 00:59:02,845 --> 00:59:04,725 I don't know. Mm-Hmm. I can, I I can imagine 1355 00:59:04,905 --> 00:59:07,325 all the worst scenarios I actually cannot imagine Yeah. 1356 00:59:07,605 --> 00:59:10,245 A semi healthy situation where that happens. 1357 00:59:10,425 --> 00:59:11,445 Mm-Hmm. . Um, 1358 00:59:12,315 --> 00:59:14,605 - Well, you, you know, that, that is definitely 1359 00:59:16,075 --> 00:59:20,965 something I think that is important in, in any relationship, 1360 00:59:22,715 --> 00:59:26,605 whether it's kinky, non kinky, whatever. 1361 00:59:27,105 --> 00:59:31,565 You know, you telling me, you know, 1362 00:59:31,565 --> 00:59:32,845 you're, you're doing a good job. 1363 00:59:32,845 --> 00:59:35,485 You're really trying. That means a lot. 1364 00:59:35,665 --> 00:59:36,885 And same thing is coming to you 1365 00:59:36,905 --> 00:59:40,525 and say, you know, girl, you did a good job. Good girl. 1366 00:59:40,665 --> 00:59:42,085 - It helps to have a praise king just saying, 1367 00:59:42,085 --> 00:59:43,965 - Well, you know, it, - It does help 1368 00:59:44,765 --> 00:59:45,765 - . 1369 00:59:45,825 --> 00:59:47,845 So, you know. Yeah. 1370 00:59:47,945 --> 00:59:50,165 You know, being told that you're, you're doing a good job. 1371 00:59:50,705 --> 00:59:53,645 Too often we get caught in the trap of you didn't do that. 1372 00:59:53,645 --> 00:59:54,765 Right. Oh 1373 00:59:54,865 --> 00:59:55,865 - God. 1374 00:59:55,865 --> 00:59:57,045 - Yeah. Okay. You know, the, the negative 1375 00:59:57,735 --> 01:00:00,045 - Lemme point out all the negative and how you fucked it up. 1376 01:00:00,045 --> 01:00:01,805 - The ne it is so easy to roll out a 1377 01:00:01,965 --> 01:00:03,085 - Negative and it is so toxic. 1378 01:00:03,625 --> 01:00:07,845 - Yes. And, - Or it can be, I should say 1379 01:00:07,905 --> 01:00:08,905 - It, it can be. 1380 01:00:09,265 --> 01:00:11,845 And you know, that's why you, you, 1381 01:00:11,865 --> 01:00:14,165 you notice this in me earlier on. 1382 01:00:15,405 --> 01:00:19,965 I always, when, when we're out, you know, I always, um, 1383 01:00:20,225 --> 01:00:24,765 am very polite to cashiers in store Sure. 1384 01:00:25,155 --> 01:00:26,525 Servers, you know. Yeah. 1385 01:00:26,785 --> 01:00:30,765 Um, because in any of those jobs, 1386 01:00:31,505 --> 01:00:35,045 you know, they will quickly hear 1387 01:00:35,675 --> 01:00:36,765 when something is wrong. 1388 01:00:36,945 --> 01:00:37,965 - Oh yeah. Oh yeah. 1389 01:00:38,115 --> 01:00:39,365 - Alright. And, 1390 01:00:39,665 --> 01:00:44,565 and it's one of those things, once that's, 1391 01:00:44,635 --> 01:00:47,245 that negative is put out there, it gets amplified. 1392 01:00:47,245 --> 01:00:48,245 Mm-Hmm. . Alright. 1393 01:00:48,745 --> 01:00:52,045 So, you know, I, it's important to 1394 01:00:54,355 --> 01:00:55,845 keep that positive going too. 1395 01:00:55,865 --> 01:00:57,485 Mm-Hmm. , you know? Mm-Hmm. . 1396 01:00:57,665 --> 01:00:59,725 So Yeah. I, I do that when I'm out. 1397 01:00:59,845 --> 01:01:02,925 I, you know, try to do that with, with you or anybody else. 1398 01:01:03,265 --> 01:01:05,405 - Yes. And I mean, we're human 1399 01:01:05,505 --> 01:01:06,605 so it gets forgotten sometimes. 1400 01:01:06,625 --> 01:01:09,365 Mm-Hmm. And high stress moments you might not remember 1401 01:01:09,365 --> 01:01:12,525 to air on the side of, of kindness and empathy. 1402 01:01:12,945 --> 01:01:14,005 We all have our moments, 1403 01:01:14,145 --> 01:01:16,925 but it's not about what happens in an off moment. 1404 01:01:16,955 --> 01:01:18,885 It's about what happens consistently. Right? Mm-Hmm. 1405 01:01:18,925 --> 01:01:21,965 . And if you've got a partner who is 1406 01:01:22,515 --> 01:01:25,765 only focused on what you're doing wrong, well, not only does 1407 01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:27,045 that kill your confidence in yourself, right. 1408 01:01:27,085 --> 01:01:28,645 I don't know how you have confidence in the dynamic. 1409 01:01:29,145 --> 01:01:32,005 And it might not be that they're an awful toxic human being. 1410 01:01:32,025 --> 01:01:33,565 It might be they've got their own fucking issues. 1411 01:01:33,585 --> 01:01:36,605 And again, projection is Yeah. Very real and very pervasive. 1412 01:01:36,785 --> 01:01:38,885 But that does not mean that they need to be your partner. 1413 01:01:38,885 --> 01:01:40,325 Mm-Hmm. , they might need to go work on their 1414 01:01:40,325 --> 01:01:42,965 own damn issues on their, on their own damn time. 1415 01:01:43,505 --> 01:01:45,965 Uh, and leave you alone to go find somebody who's like 1416 01:01:46,485 --> 01:01:47,845 actually trying to Yeah. 1417 01:01:47,845 --> 01:01:49,565 Build this partnership with you. Mm-Hmm. . 1418 01:01:49,565 --> 01:01:50,885 And so everybody can feel confident. 1419 01:01:51,665 --> 01:01:53,565 And that happens on either side of the slash Yeah. 1420 01:01:53,565 --> 01:01:55,525 I mean, we are often a product 1421 01:01:55,545 --> 01:01:57,005 of all the sh we are a product 1422 01:01:57,005 --> 01:01:58,845 of all the shit we've been through and Right. 1423 01:01:59,145 --> 01:02:01,365 You know, there are plenty of us. Mm-Hmm. 1424 01:02:01,405 --> 01:02:02,485 , who most 1425 01:02:02,485 --> 01:02:04,005 of our experiences growing up we're 1426 01:02:04,005 --> 01:02:05,125 hearing negative things. I mean, 1427 01:02:05,235 --> 01:02:08,245 - I'll, I I I will, but doesn't, I will, you know, we 1428 01:02:08,365 --> 01:02:09,445 - Can't overcome it is my whole 1429 01:02:09,445 --> 01:02:10,445 - Point. 1430 01:02:10,445 --> 01:02:12,125 Yeah. I I will, I'll, I'll put this out there. 1431 01:02:12,125 --> 01:02:13,525 At this point in my life, I don't give a fuck. 1432 01:02:13,865 --> 01:02:15,885 You know, there's no fucks to give. 1433 01:02:16,505 --> 01:02:19,965 Um, you know, one of the things, when Kayla 1434 01:02:19,985 --> 01:02:24,405 and I got together, I was very, um, insistent 1435 01:02:24,875 --> 01:02:28,325 with the boys, you know, when they would start bickering 1436 01:02:28,325 --> 01:02:30,725 with each other, you're stupid, you're an idiot. 1437 01:02:30,825 --> 01:02:31,845 You, you know? Mm-Hmm. . 1438 01:02:32,265 --> 01:02:35,645 And, and I would always step in, you know? No, you don't. 1439 01:02:36,435 --> 01:02:37,565 - Yeah. - You, you don't, 1440 01:02:37,725 --> 01:02:39,045 you don't do that. You don't, we're 1441 01:02:39,045 --> 01:02:40,085 - Not talking to each other like 1442 01:02:40,085 --> 01:02:41,085 - That. 1443 01:02:41,085 --> 01:02:41,765 You don't talk to each other like that. 1444 01:02:42,305 --> 01:02:46,325 Um, and and for me, that stemmed from growing up 1445 01:02:46,325 --> 01:02:49,485 with a father who always told me I was stupid, never amount 1446 01:02:49,485 --> 01:02:51,845 to anything, and I wouldn't, you know, 1447 01:02:52,565 --> 01:02:53,565 - Mm-Hmm. 1448 01:02:53,565 --> 01:02:53,885 . 1449 01:02:54,425 --> 01:02:56,685 - And like, no, no, 1450 01:02:57,105 --> 01:02:58,105 - No. 1451 01:02:58,105 --> 01:02:59,165 You are one of the people who took the lesson 1452 01:02:59,985 --> 01:03:03,285 and over time took from the, the air quote lessons 1453 01:03:03,345 --> 01:03:04,565 of your childhood and went, 1454 01:03:05,025 --> 01:03:07,005 how do I make sure I don't fucking repeat this? 1455 01:03:07,225 --> 01:03:09,365 Not everybody takes that lesson. Yeah, yeah. 1456 01:03:09,545 --> 01:03:12,485 Um, that you can turn that around. You can unlearn that. 1457 01:03:12,485 --> 01:03:14,285 Mm-Hmm. . But it's a choice. You have to want 1458 01:03:14,305 --> 01:03:17,565 to unlearn that you have taken the, 1459 01:03:17,585 --> 01:03:19,965 the lessons from your shitty, shitty childhood 1460 01:03:20,145 --> 01:03:21,925 and the shit that people have done to you 1461 01:03:22,105 --> 01:03:26,725 and gone, how do I make sure I don't repeat this? 1462 01:03:26,855 --> 01:03:29,765 Right? Yeah. And so that has, you know, 1463 01:03:29,925 --> 01:03:31,565 tempered your interactions with people. 1464 01:03:31,665 --> 01:03:34,845 And now it doesn't mean God knows as the one who has done it 1465 01:03:34,845 --> 01:03:36,205 to you doesn't mean you don't get triggered. 1466 01:03:36,355 --> 01:03:39,605 Whew. Yeah. The source of many of our worst blowups are each 1467 01:03:39,605 --> 01:03:40,605 of us triggering the other. 1468 01:03:40,705 --> 01:03:42,205 Yes. It's awful. Yeah. 1469 01:03:42,505 --> 01:03:46,085 Um, , but, you know, that is 1470 01:03:47,395 --> 01:03:48,805 that I wish that were more common. 1471 01:03:48,925 --> 01:03:51,725 I think people can get there and people can do that. 1472 01:03:52,265 --> 01:03:54,365 Um, early adult life, I did not. 1473 01:03:54,425 --> 01:03:56,005 And then I, I remember the day I 1474 01:03:56,005 --> 01:03:57,085 made a conscious choice Mm-Hmm. 1475 01:03:57,125 --> 01:03:58,045 that I would do it differently 1476 01:03:58,045 --> 01:03:59,125 than was done to me. 1477 01:03:59,705 --> 01:04:03,285 Um, yeah. And that I was not confident in doing that. 1478 01:04:03,345 --> 01:04:05,205 And this has nothing to do with dynamics or kink life. 1479 01:04:05,205 --> 01:04:08,205 This, I did this as a parent. I was like, okay, uh, I know 1480 01:04:08,205 --> 01:04:09,605 what that method did to me. 1481 01:04:10,025 --> 01:04:11,525 Mm-Hmm. . And I can see it's not working. 1482 01:04:11,865 --> 01:04:13,445 I'm going to do the exact opposite. 1483 01:04:14,065 --> 01:04:15,405 The thing I was about, that whole thing 1484 01:04:15,425 --> 01:04:16,845 was insecure the whole time. 1485 01:04:17,125 --> 01:04:18,405 I think that's why a lot of people come 1486 01:04:18,405 --> 01:04:19,565 into kink and feel insecure. 1487 01:04:19,565 --> 01:04:21,805 You're going against the grain of what you have seen 1488 01:04:21,905 --> 01:04:23,205 as normal Mm-Hmm. 1489 01:04:23,245 --> 01:04:24,965 your whole life. And there's not 1490 01:04:24,965 --> 01:04:26,565 necessarily a rule book to follow. 1491 01:04:26,565 --> 01:04:30,725 There's not always readily available examples to follow. 1492 01:04:30,905 --> 01:04:35,125 And so then you're kind of out on this path with like 1493 01:04:35,825 --> 01:04:37,925 no streetlights to no to guide you. 1494 01:04:38,265 --> 01:04:40,605 - No guidepost, - No. There's no signs anywhere. Mm-Hmm. 1495 01:04:40,645 --> 01:04:42,685 . You're just on it and fumbling in the dark. 1496 01:04:42,785 --> 01:04:46,605 Yep. And, um, I think it takes a certain level 1497 01:04:46,605 --> 01:04:47,845 of inner strength 1498 01:04:48,145 --> 01:04:50,485 and a confidence that maybe you don't even know you have. 1499 01:04:51,545 --> 01:04:54,525 And it won't necessarily feel like confidence when you 1500 01:04:54,525 --> 01:04:57,645 start, but it takes that to do that, to go, this is 1501 01:04:57,645 --> 01:04:59,645 how I was treated, so I will not treat people that way. 1502 01:04:59,835 --> 01:05:01,085 This is how I was made to feel. 1503 01:05:01,085 --> 01:05:02,645 So I'm gonna work hard to try not 1504 01:05:02,645 --> 01:05:05,085 to make anybody feel the way that I have been made to feel. 1505 01:05:05,085 --> 01:05:06,245 Mm-Hmm. , you know, 1506 01:05:06,555 --> 01:05:08,805 this is the relationship style that has been modeled 1507 01:05:08,805 --> 01:05:10,205 to me my whole fucking life. 1508 01:05:10,425 --> 01:05:12,005 And I know it doesn't work for me. 1509 01:05:12,025 --> 01:05:13,765 So I'm gonna try something different. 1510 01:05:14,115 --> 01:05:15,485 That takes an inner confidence 1511 01:05:15,485 --> 01:05:16,845 that many people do not recognize. 1512 01:05:17,065 --> 01:05:19,205 And so then we get nervous about the thing we don't know how 1513 01:05:19,205 --> 01:05:20,205 to do, or the thing 1514 01:05:20,205 --> 01:05:22,005 that is different than anything we've ever done before, 1515 01:05:22,225 --> 01:05:23,485 or the thing we're not sure 1516 01:05:23,515 --> 01:05:25,245 what the right examples are to follow. 1517 01:05:25,625 --> 01:05:28,165 And we're flailing a little bit, trying to find our footing 1518 01:05:28,165 --> 01:05:29,885 and trying to figure out what we're supposed to do. 1519 01:05:30,225 --> 01:05:33,445 And we call that insecurity and lack of confidence. 1520 01:05:33,445 --> 01:05:35,965 That's called being fucking new at something. 1521 01:05:36,425 --> 01:05:39,285 The confidence is when you went, I'm gonna go do a thing 1522 01:05:39,285 --> 01:05:41,045 that other people are telling me I cannot do. 1523 01:05:41,425 --> 01:05:43,805 I'm gonna go do a thing that the world is telling me is 1524 01:05:43,825 --> 01:05:44,925 bad and evil and wrong. 1525 01:05:45,305 --> 01:05:48,365 I'm gonna go do a thing that I know my entire family would 1526 01:05:48,365 --> 01:05:50,005 disapprove of, but this is what feels right to me. 1527 01:05:50,145 --> 01:05:51,165 That's the confidence. 1528 01:05:51,165 --> 01:05:54,285 You actually already fucking possess the confidence. 1529 01:05:54,945 --> 01:05:58,005 You just have to nurture that confidence 1530 01:05:58,005 --> 01:05:59,845 and keep growing in that confidence 1531 01:06:00,105 --> 01:06:03,005 and let yourself be out of your comfort zone a little bit. 1532 01:06:03,485 --> 01:06:05,085 I am a huge proponent 1533 01:06:05,105 --> 01:06:07,325 of why do we have to leave the comfort zone? 1534 01:06:07,555 --> 01:06:09,045 It's called the comfort zone for a reason, 1535 01:06:09,625 --> 01:06:11,325 but also growth happens, 1536 01:06:11,555 --> 01:06:12,805 - Happens when you step outside, 1537 01:06:12,805 --> 01:06:14,565 - Outside of the - Comfort zone. Zone zone . 1538 01:06:14,705 --> 01:06:18,525 - Yes. And sometimes I think what we call insecurity 1539 01:06:18,525 --> 01:06:20,525 and a lack of confidence, not always, I mean, there's plenty 1540 01:06:20,525 --> 01:06:21,965 of examples of not having, 1541 01:06:22,185 --> 01:06:25,525 not feeling confident is just being uncomfortable. 1542 01:06:26,215 --> 01:06:28,085 Right? Yeah. We're uncomfortable 1543 01:06:28,085 --> 01:06:30,045 with this new thing we've never fucking done. 1544 01:06:30,265 --> 01:06:31,885 We are uncomfortable 1545 01:06:31,885 --> 01:06:35,885 because we had this pretty airbrushed picture in our head. 1546 01:06:35,885 --> 01:06:39,005 And life is not no mirroring that at all. 1547 01:06:39,455 --> 01:06:42,565 We're uncomfortable because it's still new 1548 01:06:42,745 --> 01:06:43,965 and we don't, you know, 1549 01:06:43,965 --> 01:06:45,085 we're unsettled. Mm-Hmm. . So 1550 01:06:45,285 --> 01:06:47,245 - I, I just saw something in chat that made me chuckle. 1551 01:06:47,245 --> 01:06:49,045 I'm like, yeah, okay. Uh, 1552 01:06:49,425 --> 01:06:51,645 normal is just a setting on the dryer. 1553 01:06:51,645 --> 01:06:53,005 - Mm-Hmm. . And I don't even use 1554 01:06:53,005 --> 01:06:55,045 that setting because it's never quite right 1555 01:06:55,405 --> 01:06:57,565 - , it's never quite - Right. 1556 01:06:57,675 --> 01:06:59,605 It's either too much or not enough. Fuck that 1557 01:06:59,605 --> 01:07:00,885 - Normal setting . 1558 01:07:01,905 --> 01:07:05,245 - So yeah. H how to be more confident. 1559 01:07:05,245 --> 01:07:06,245 You gotta go do the thing 1560 01:07:06,705 --> 01:07:08,685 and do the thing with the right people around you. 1561 01:07:08,905 --> 01:07:11,365 Mm-Hmm. part of the lesson of any part 1562 01:07:11,365 --> 01:07:13,445 of life, but we're talking kink here is to learn 1563 01:07:13,665 --> 01:07:14,885 who the wrong people are for you. 1564 01:07:14,915 --> 01:07:17,085 Yeah. And, and learn and recognize, 1565 01:07:17,465 --> 01:07:18,565 and then find the inner strength 1566 01:07:18,625 --> 01:07:20,525 to get away from the people who are wrong for you. 1567 01:07:20,525 --> 01:07:21,925 Mm-Hmm. . And that can be a partner 1568 01:07:22,065 --> 01:07:23,325 and that can be a community. 1569 01:07:23,435 --> 01:07:27,005 Yeah. Right. Um, and that will make all the difference. 1570 01:07:27,235 --> 01:07:28,845 - Yeah. - So, 1571 01:07:30,025 --> 01:07:31,025 - Yep. 1572 01:07:31,025 --> 01:07:31,715 Yeah. 1573 01:07:32,225 --> 01:07:35,965 - My, my brain is misfiring left, right. And center . 1574 01:07:36,425 --> 01:07:38,085 So I think I need to be done. Okay. 1575 01:07:38,205 --> 01:07:40,365 I think I could keep saying things. Mm-Hmm. . 1576 01:07:41,065 --> 01:07:44,365 But the, the brain is not braining today. 1577 01:07:44,595 --> 01:07:46,725 - Alright. All right. - Yeah. 1578 01:07:46,875 --> 01:07:48,165 It's sort of embarrassing 1579 01:07:48,265 --> 01:07:50,445 how badly the brain is braining right now. 1580 01:07:50,715 --> 01:07:52,725 Yeah. Um, so I'm, 1581 01:07:52,985 --> 01:07:54,925 I'm gonna say I don't have anything else to add. 1582 01:07:55,065 --> 01:07:56,525 Do you have anything else you would like to add? 1583 01:07:56,595 --> 01:07:58,445 - Nope. I think I'm good. And Onyx 1584 01:07:58,445 --> 01:08:00,205 is climbing around on your desk. Well, 1585 01:08:00,205 --> 01:08:02,805 - She was trying to bump into the tripod a few minutes ago. 1586 01:08:02,865 --> 01:08:05,005 - Oh, okay. Yeah. - All she's becoming 1587 01:08:05,045 --> 01:08:06,125 a little menace, but we love her. 1588 01:08:06,305 --> 01:08:07,365 Yes. So, okay. 1589 01:08:07,665 --> 01:08:09,045 So I guess we'll call ourselves 1590 01:08:09,045 --> 01:08:10,125 done and go into the bonus section. 1591 01:08:10,385 --> 01:08:13,605 - Are we good? ? - That is not for me to say that. 1592 01:08:15,595 --> 01:08:17,005 - Keep it, keep it kinky - Y'all. 1593 01:08:17,105 --> 01:08:17,885 And we'll see you next week. 1594 01:08:27,815 --> 01:08:28,165 Daddy. 1595 01:08:28,785 --> 01:08:30,845 - Yes, baby girl. Can we talk - To the crickets, please? 1596 01:08:32,665 --> 01:08:34,965 - Oh, I see what you're doing now you're saying we instead 1597 01:08:34,965 --> 01:08:36,845 of, can I talk to the crickets? I kept saying 1598 01:08:36,865 --> 01:08:38,085 - We, I'm sorry. You didn't 1599 01:08:38,085 --> 01:08:39,205 - Notice my, I, okay. 1600 01:08:39,205 --> 01:08:43,285 Alright. Alright. So, uh, yes, you can talk to the crickets. 1601 01:08:43,585 --> 01:08:45,325 - We can talk to the crickets - . 1602 01:08:49,585 --> 01:08:51,565 - Yes. Onyx is being a menace. Yeah. 1603 01:08:52,185 --> 01:08:56,885 Um, she, uh, this morning 1604 01:08:57,595 --> 01:08:59,285 came in as I was making the bed. 1605 01:08:59,285 --> 01:09:00,565 She does this most mornings. 1606 01:09:00,745 --> 01:09:02,125 She comes into the bedroom, 1607 01:09:02,235 --> 01:09:03,765 gets on the bed while I'm making the bed 1608 01:09:03,865 --> 01:09:05,285 and wants to be loved on, 1609 01:09:05,705 --> 01:09:07,725 but also does not wanna be picked up in reposition. 1610 01:09:07,725 --> 01:09:09,085 Mm-Hmm. , but also would like 1611 01:09:09,085 --> 01:09:11,525 to lay on the exact spot you need 1612 01:09:11,665 --> 01:09:12,925 to straighten out the blanket. 1613 01:09:13,585 --> 01:09:16,365 Um, yeah. And then is annoyed when you gently, you know, 1614 01:09:16,365 --> 01:09:18,165 nudge her to the side. Um, 1615 01:09:19,065 --> 01:09:23,205 - She, uh, she does that sometimes when I'm folding laundry. 1616 01:09:23,995 --> 01:09:25,885 Yeah. Comes in, you know, she, I, 1617 01:09:25,925 --> 01:09:30,045 I believe she thinks she's being a help, but she's not. 1618 01:09:30,195 --> 01:09:31,725 - Well, here's what I, I knew this, 1619 01:09:31,725 --> 01:09:32,965 but I was reminded of this 1620 01:09:33,025 --> 01:09:35,405 and I guess, I guess I was making connections 1621 01:09:35,405 --> 01:09:36,805 and synapses were firing 1622 01:09:36,905 --> 01:09:38,245 as they're supposed to this morning. 1623 01:09:38,745 --> 01:09:40,965 Not now, but this morning they were, um, okay. 1624 01:09:40,965 --> 01:09:43,405 Because I realized I, I pet her 1625 01:09:43,425 --> 01:09:46,165 and as, as often as she will allow me to Mm-Hmm. 1626 01:09:46,205 --> 01:09:48,645 . Um, and I'm constantly trying 1627 01:09:48,645 --> 01:09:53,405 to find like the perfect, uh, ratio of 1628 01:09:53,585 --> 01:09:55,485 how much I can actually touch her Mm-Hmm. 1629 01:09:55,485 --> 01:09:56,645 How much I can cuddle with her 1630 01:09:56,825 --> 01:09:59,605 and how, like, do I need to be real light and gentle? 1631 01:09:59,625 --> 01:10:01,125 Do I, and I finally 1632 01:10:02,195 --> 01:10:03,965 made the connection in my brain hole today. 1633 01:10:04,265 --> 01:10:06,285 No, the joke is she's very much, she 1634 01:10:06,285 --> 01:10:07,445 and I are very much alike, 1635 01:10:07,445 --> 01:10:09,405 which is why she's not cuddling up to me. 1636 01:10:09,405 --> 01:10:11,085 We're both Scorpio bitches from hell. Right. 1637 01:10:11,145 --> 01:10:13,245 We both have trust issues, , uh, 1638 01:10:13,375 --> 01:10:16,005 we're both not sure if we want to be, 1639 01:10:16,035 --> 01:10:18,405 have anybody in our personal bubble, like all of that. 1640 01:10:18,625 --> 01:10:21,885 And we also prefer when it's JB touching us 1641 01:10:21,955 --> 01:10:25,045 over anybody . And then I was 1642 01:10:25,105 --> 01:10:27,045 - You're the secondary human. Yeah. 1643 01:10:27,065 --> 01:10:28,125 - No, I'm fine - With that. The, 1644 01:10:28,125 --> 01:10:29,365 the stand in, stand in human. 1645 01:10:29,565 --> 01:10:31,285 - I mean, I'm the reason we have her, 1646 01:10:31,385 --> 01:10:32,965 but what the fuck ever ? 1647 01:10:33,105 --> 01:10:34,325 Um, it's fine. 1648 01:10:35,465 --> 01:10:40,325 Anyway, um, I had found like just the right, oh gosh, 1649 01:10:40,325 --> 01:10:41,285 - Excuse me. Yeah. 1650 01:10:41,725 --> 01:10:45,405 - I had found just the right pressure and tempo 1651 01:10:45,405 --> 01:10:48,525 and way of petting her that she completely bliss out. 1652 01:10:48,625 --> 01:10:52,445 And Onyx does not bliss out easily. She's got trust issues. 1653 01:10:53,245 --> 01:10:54,845 I feel that on a deep personal level. 1654 01:10:55,585 --> 01:10:57,885 Um, but I was petting her on her, 1655 01:10:57,945 --> 01:10:59,045 the back of her head, her neck. 1656 01:10:59,655 --> 01:11:00,965 She's blissing out and I'm, 1657 01:11:01,145 --> 01:11:03,245 I'm feeling like I'm being overly rough with her. 1658 01:11:03,265 --> 01:11:05,085 And cats will let you know if they do not 1659 01:11:05,085 --> 01:11:06,325 like how you are touching them. 1660 01:11:06,325 --> 01:11:07,645 They're very good at consent. Mm-Hmm. 1661 01:11:07,685 --> 01:11:09,645 , she's melting and I'm like, oh my God, 1662 01:11:09,665 --> 01:11:10,685 you really are like me. 1663 01:11:10,795 --> 01:11:12,485 It's like, no, no, don't touch me nicely. 1664 01:11:12,595 --> 01:11:14,085 What the fuck is that about? Yeah. 1665 01:11:14,345 --> 01:11:19,045 Be a little mean about it. consensually. 1666 01:11:19,415 --> 01:11:23,965 Right. So Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. Oh, oh, good. 1667 01:11:24,165 --> 01:11:26,125 Somebody woke up from her, her nap. Yeah. 1668 01:11:26,265 --> 01:11:29,005 Or she's just moved to locations for nap. 1669 01:11:29,005 --> 01:11:31,765 - Well, well she's staging, she's moving closer to the door 1670 01:11:31,785 --> 01:11:33,565 and the next day, you know, be to go 1671 01:11:33,565 --> 01:11:33,925 - Out. Yeah. 1672 01:11:34,025 --> 01:11:34,885 - Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Yep. 1673 01:11:34,885 --> 01:11:35,325 Yep, yep. 1674 01:11:35,835 --> 01:11:39,005 Yeah. So, but, uh, yeah, 1675 01:11:41,255 --> 01:11:43,245 she's, uh, you know, it, it's funny, 1676 01:11:43,415 --> 01:11:46,885 we've had her how long now? Four years. Mm-Hmm. 1677 01:11:46,925 --> 01:11:48,045 - this October will be four years. 1678 01:11:48,745 --> 01:11:52,445 - And, um, I remember there was a time 1679 01:11:52,505 --> 01:11:53,685 we would be sitting on getting her 1680 01:11:53,685 --> 01:11:54,685 - Off my desk, by the - Way. 1681 01:11:54,685 --> 01:11:56,445 Yeah. She's looking out the window. 1682 01:11:56,705 --> 01:12:00,325 She is that that lizard or that that's new. 1683 01:12:00,385 --> 01:12:01,845 That's a, uh, new cat tv. 1684 01:12:01,955 --> 01:12:03,925 It's on a different station. My desk. My 1685 01:12:03,925 --> 01:12:04,925 - Desk. 1686 01:12:06,425 --> 01:12:09,765 - So, but anyway, what, what was, uh, funny, 1687 01:12:11,305 --> 01:12:13,205 um, you know, when we first got her, 1688 01:12:13,345 --> 01:12:14,645 we were sitting on the sofa 1689 01:12:14,645 --> 01:12:16,405 and Lola was on the sofa with her. 1690 01:12:16,685 --> 01:12:19,885 I saw her one time. She went to jump up on the sofa, 1691 01:12:20,165 --> 01:12:25,045 realized Lola was there and she in the air . 1692 01:12:25,795 --> 01:12:28,405 Yeah. Did a, did a turn and scamper off. 1693 01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:33,645 Um, lately, uh, she don't give a shit. 1694 01:12:33,645 --> 01:12:35,925 If Lola's on the sofa, she will get up there and, 1695 01:12:35,945 --> 01:12:37,285 and come to me for pets. 1696 01:12:37,635 --> 01:12:39,685 - Yeah. She's been doing it to me a little bit too. Mm-Hmm. 1697 01:12:39,725 --> 01:12:41,365 . She will not sit in my lap, 1698 01:12:41,365 --> 01:12:42,645 but she will sit on a pillow. 1699 01:12:42,715 --> 01:12:44,325 Yeah. That is on my lap and I 1700 01:12:44,325 --> 01:12:45,485 will take it. Mm-Hmm. . 1701 01:12:45,665 --> 01:12:47,445 - Mm-Hmm. - . There was a time she wouldn't 1702 01:12:47,445 --> 01:12:48,965 even get up on the couch if I was sitting there. 1703 01:12:49,025 --> 01:12:51,085 So we're gonna call these baby steps. Mm-Hmm. . 1704 01:12:51,085 --> 01:12:54,685 And maybe once she's like a, a little old lady, she'll, 1705 01:12:55,665 --> 01:12:57,805 she'll, you know, calm down and let me cuddle her. 1706 01:12:57,805 --> 01:13:00,005 Right. But I do tell her, you know, 1707 01:13:00,005 --> 01:13:01,805 especially when she is blissing out and she's like, 1708 01:13:02,025 --> 01:13:03,925 and I, she's so soft and I'm fucking loving her. 1709 01:13:03,925 --> 01:13:06,565 Like, oh my God, I just wanna, I said, you know, 1710 01:13:06,955 --> 01:13:08,325 cute aggression hits . 1711 01:13:08,685 --> 01:13:11,405 I just, I tell her very matter of factly that you wouldn't, 1712 01:13:11,425 --> 01:13:13,005 you would act, you don't know what you're missing. 1713 01:13:13,065 --> 01:13:15,605 If you would just let me cuddle you, you could have all 1714 01:13:15,605 --> 01:13:16,605 of this Right. 1715 01:13:16,735 --> 01:13:19,685 Right. In more than one spot. But that's not what she wants. 1716 01:13:19,985 --> 01:13:21,405 And so we have to respect that. 1717 01:13:22,425 --> 01:13:26,005 But then I'm like scrolling through Instagram reels 1718 01:13:26,005 --> 01:13:29,045 and there's all these people using the, uh, 1719 01:13:29,475 --> 01:13:31,165 baby wraps to hold their cat. 1720 01:13:31,185 --> 01:13:32,605 And I'm like, I won't, 1721 01:13:32,645 --> 01:13:33,845 I don't think I'll ever have that life. 1722 01:13:33,865 --> 01:13:35,485 Mm-Hmm. Not with these girls. 1723 01:13:35,905 --> 01:13:37,365 - No. Would've to start from a kitten. 1724 01:13:37,645 --> 01:13:39,485 - I do think. Well, and see the thing is, is one 1725 01:13:39,485 --> 01:13:42,645 of the people who does this, she actually got, 1726 01:13:42,905 --> 01:13:44,165 her cat was a barn cat. 1727 01:13:44,585 --> 01:13:48,565 Ah. Who was like semi feral, got sick, had to come in, 1728 01:13:51,025 --> 01:13:52,165 is not going back out. 1729 01:13:52,205 --> 01:13:53,285 I don't know if it's 'cause she's sick or 1730 01:13:53,285 --> 01:13:54,365 just she's the house cat now. 1731 01:13:54,785 --> 01:13:58,205 And would went from barely letting that person touch her 1732 01:13:58,545 --> 01:14:00,125 to being worn in the baby rap. 1733 01:14:00,515 --> 01:14:01,885 Okay. I know I was. 1734 01:14:01,885 --> 01:14:03,845 But all the people I've seen online 1735 01:14:03,985 --> 01:14:06,165 who are wearing their cats, they're, 1736 01:14:06,165 --> 01:14:07,445 they tend to be senior cats. 1737 01:14:07,445 --> 01:14:09,725 And I'm like, okay, I just have to wait for these girls 1738 01:14:09,725 --> 01:14:11,685 to get old and that's fine. 1739 01:14:11,805 --> 01:14:12,805 I I can do it. Yeah. 1740 01:14:13,085 --> 01:14:16,845 - I can do it. Yeah. 1741 01:14:16,985 --> 01:14:21,805 And, um, you know, all that we've been, um, you know, 1742 01:14:21,825 --> 01:14:22,885 spring has sprung 1743 01:14:22,945 --> 01:14:25,405 and we've been doing a whole bunch of yard work. 1744 01:14:26,325 --> 01:14:27,365 - Pressure washed the back part of the house 1745 01:14:27,745 --> 01:14:28,745 - As we can. 1746 01:14:28,745 --> 01:14:32,445 We pressure washed the back of the house and be a tiny shop. 1747 01:14:32,815 --> 01:14:35,645 - We're gonna wait till the next, uh, util the cycle, 1748 01:14:35,665 --> 01:14:36,685 the water bill cycles 1749 01:14:37,025 --> 01:14:38,685 before we do the front to try 1750 01:14:38,685 --> 01:14:41,245 to keep the spike in our water bill too, at minimum . 1751 01:14:41,265 --> 01:14:42,365 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. spread 1752 01:14:42,365 --> 01:14:44,045 that o out over a couple of months instead 1753 01:14:44,045 --> 01:14:45,125 of one big hit. . 1754 01:14:45,185 --> 01:14:49,685 - Oh yeah. We, uh, we did, uh, the back in one side. 1755 01:14:49,825 --> 01:14:53,165 Mm-Hmm. and also the back patio, 1756 01:14:54,345 --> 01:14:55,655 which was looking pretty rough. 1757 01:14:55,885 --> 01:14:57,855 - Yeah. It's one of those things that you just, you, 1758 01:14:57,915 --> 01:14:59,095 it becomes background noise 1759 01:14:59,115 --> 01:15:00,415 of your vision and you're like, you don't even 1760 01:15:00,415 --> 01:15:01,415 - Notice it. 1761 01:15:01,415 --> 01:15:02,055 It, it, it happened gradual. You know, 1762 01:15:02,055 --> 01:15:04,895 it happens gradually over time, so it didn't Yeah. But 1763 01:15:04,895 --> 01:15:06,455 - Now it's like so clean. It's, 1764 01:15:06,845 --> 01:15:07,845 - It's dark. 1765 01:15:07,845 --> 01:15:08,615 - I, I'm like, damn. Okay. 1766 01:15:08,715 --> 01:15:11,535 And uh, our back door was basically green. 1767 01:15:11,685 --> 01:15:13,055 It's now white again. Yeah. 1768 01:15:13,245 --> 01:15:15,615 - It's good. And that was because the gutter up 1769 01:15:15,615 --> 01:15:18,295 above the door needed attention too, which cleaned 1770 01:15:18,295 --> 01:15:19,335 that out and, you know, 1771 01:15:19,515 --> 01:15:21,455 - Um, did JB have an oopsie moment 1772 01:15:21,595 --> 01:15:24,975 and basically gouged his hand with water pressure? 1773 01:15:25,235 --> 01:15:29,255 Yes, he did. Yes he did. Oh, I still can't look at it. 1774 01:15:29,355 --> 01:15:31,455 Do you have it covered or is it still the liquid bandage? 1775 01:15:31,525 --> 01:15:33,215 - It's covered. It's covered. He did, he did. 1776 01:15:33,235 --> 01:15:36,175 The liquid bandage is on there, but I put a, a bandaid on 1777 01:15:36,175 --> 01:15:37,175 - It the day it happened. 1778 01:15:37,175 --> 01:15:38,335 We, we kind of kept going. 1779 01:15:38,335 --> 01:15:40,055 Everything was wet, so there was no putting a bandaid on it. 1780 01:15:40,275 --> 01:15:42,215 He gets done, he gets cleaned up, he goes 1781 01:15:42,215 --> 01:15:46,695 to put liquid bandage on it, and JB is for all that. 1782 01:15:46,695 --> 01:15:48,815 He emotes and he's in touch with his emotions. 1783 01:15:48,815 --> 01:15:51,175 He tends to be pretty stoic about some stuff. 1784 01:15:51,435 --> 01:15:52,735 Not everything, but some stuff. 1785 01:15:53,335 --> 01:15:55,775 not that liquid bandage hitting the 1786 01:15:55,945 --> 01:15:56,975 gouge in his hand. 1787 01:15:57,595 --> 01:15:59,015 Oh. I 1788 01:15:59,015 --> 01:16:00,015 - Mean, yeah. 1789 01:16:00,015 --> 01:16:02,015 That was, that was rough. Oh, that was rough. 1790 01:16:02,595 --> 01:16:04,655 - And he showed it to me right after it happened. 1791 01:16:05,035 --> 01:16:07,055 And I, and I was only seeing it like from the side, 1792 01:16:07,055 --> 01:16:08,535 and I went, Nope, no, I can't, I can't. 1793 01:16:08,765 --> 01:16:11,655 Then I was in the room when he poured the fiery substance 1794 01:16:11,655 --> 01:16:13,295 that is liquid bandage on it, . 1795 01:16:13,715 --> 01:16:15,175 And I went, Nope, I can't handle it. 1796 01:16:15,175 --> 01:16:17,415 And then a few hours later when it was, you know, 1797 01:16:17,475 --> 01:16:20,095 the liquid bandage had done its thing, he showed it to me 1798 01:16:20,235 --> 01:16:22,815 and I almost went into like full body convulsions 1799 01:16:22,955 --> 01:16:24,055 of just distress. 1800 01:16:24,125 --> 01:16:27,255 Yeah. My, I feel it in my whole body when somebody I care 1801 01:16:27,255 --> 01:16:31,295 about is hurt or injured, like I get these weird tingles 1802 01:16:31,395 --> 01:16:34,415 and sensations in my leg and my stomach tightens up 1803 01:16:34,435 --> 01:16:36,455 and it's a very physical reaction and I'm like, Mm-Hmm. 1804 01:16:36,725 --> 01:16:38,695 It's not just that I'm squeamish 1805 01:16:38,935 --> 01:16:42,135 'cause I am, it is just, I don't get that with anybody 1806 01:16:42,135 --> 01:16:44,335 that I'm not, like, that's not in my family 1807 01:16:44,355 --> 01:16:45,615 or that I don't care about deeply. 1808 01:16:45,725 --> 01:16:47,175 Like, if you're a random person, 1809 01:16:47,655 --> 01:16:49,535 I don't wanna see your injury, but I can handle it. 1810 01:16:49,535 --> 01:16:51,255 Mm-Hmm. Like, it's not, I'm not gonna have all these 1811 01:16:51,255 --> 01:16:53,455 feelings, but oh, I can't. 1812 01:16:53,455 --> 01:16:54,495 Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. 1813 01:16:54,495 --> 01:16:56,855 - Yeah. And, and see Mr. Spot. Yeah. 1814 01:16:56,855 --> 01:16:58,255 We did kind of talk about it, 1815 01:16:58,515 --> 01:17:00,775 but it was all circled around falling off a ladder, 1816 01:17:00,785 --> 01:17:02,415 which I did not do. No. 1817 01:17:02,515 --> 01:17:04,335 - Um, - I did not fall off a ladder. He 1818 01:17:04,335 --> 01:17:05,335 - Did not fall off a ladder. 1819 01:17:05,435 --> 01:17:07,215 He just put his hand in the wrong spot. 1820 01:17:07,315 --> 01:17:09,485 - In the wrong spot at the wrong time. And it 1821 01:17:09,485 --> 01:17:10,485 - Was just a second. 1822 01:17:10,485 --> 01:17:12,165 It, if you don't have any experience 1823 01:17:12,165 --> 01:17:14,885 with the water pressure, it doesn't take any amount of time. 1824 01:17:15,105 --> 01:17:17,165 It was Mm-Hmm. Not even a second. Nope. 1825 01:17:17,165 --> 01:17:19,085 Because you, you told me later you were like, 1826 01:17:19,315 --> 01:17:21,125 your brain wasn't quite connecting. 1827 01:17:21,125 --> 01:17:22,325 You went to do it, realized what you 1828 01:17:22,325 --> 01:17:23,365 did. Tried to undo it. It 1829 01:17:23,365 --> 01:17:24,365 - Was and it was too late. 1830 01:17:24,365 --> 01:17:28,365 Too late. Yep. Yeah. Yep. Ah, yep. 1831 01:17:29,305 --> 01:17:32,445 So yeah, it's just a scratch. Oh no. 1832 01:17:32,465 --> 01:17:34,005 And it's not, it's a goe. 1833 01:17:34,745 --> 01:17:37,485 You could see through layers of skin. It was a goe. 1834 01:17:37,755 --> 01:17:41,445 It's not a flesh wound. . Oh boy. 1835 01:17:41,525 --> 01:17:42,885 I hate it. I hate it. 1836 01:17:43,675 --> 01:17:47,965 - Hate it. I hate it. - So yeah. 1837 01:17:48,355 --> 01:17:49,565 - That was our grand adventure. 1838 01:17:49,905 --> 01:17:51,725 - Yep. So we've been, we've been doing a lot of, 1839 01:17:51,805 --> 01:17:52,965 a lot of yard work here. 1840 01:17:52,965 --> 01:17:55,005 We've been pruning trees and 1841 01:17:56,015 --> 01:17:58,205 - We've been having heart to heart talks in our backyard. 1842 01:17:58,625 --> 01:18:01,605 - Yep. - Like figuring out life stuff. 1843 01:18:02,195 --> 01:18:04,805 It's not, it's been nice for the heart to heart 1844 01:18:05,065 --> 01:18:07,405 to be a thing that's pulled us closer together. 1845 01:18:07,925 --> 01:18:09,885 - . Look, there's, 1846 01:18:10,595 --> 01:18:12,325 - There's been a lot of stress in life. 1847 01:18:13,105 --> 01:18:16,325 Not at the level of family members getting ill 1848 01:18:16,385 --> 01:18:18,405 and literal fucking cars hitting people. 1849 01:18:18,785 --> 01:18:20,245 That's a different level of stress. 1850 01:18:20,555 --> 01:18:23,325 It's, it's the daily grind of a stress 1851 01:18:23,355 --> 01:18:24,925 that has been a long time coming. 1852 01:18:24,925 --> 01:18:26,085 Yeah. We're dealing with it, whatever. 1853 01:18:26,825 --> 01:18:29,325 But that level of, of stress has, 1854 01:18:29,545 --> 01:18:32,205 we have felt like we can't get away from it and we can't. 1855 01:18:32,275 --> 01:18:33,925 It's, it's ongoing. Right. 1856 01:18:34,105 --> 01:18:36,525 And it'll be years to fix this . 1857 01:18:36,705 --> 01:18:39,805 Um, but what happened was we weren't talking 1858 01:18:40,105 --> 01:18:42,165 to one another about what to do about it. 1859 01:18:42,225 --> 01:18:43,485 And we were each trying 1860 01:18:43,485 --> 01:18:46,205 to make the other one feel better while also each 1861 01:18:46,205 --> 01:18:48,885 individually being kind of pissy and so 1862 01:18:49,205 --> 01:18:50,125 - . Yeah. 1863 01:18:50,705 --> 01:18:53,245 - We were snapping another, we weren't having arguments, 1864 01:18:53,245 --> 01:18:54,965 we weren't getting into fights, but we were short 1865 01:18:54,965 --> 01:18:56,365 with one another and we were snapping at one another 1866 01:18:56,365 --> 01:18:59,125 and we weren't on the same page with one another. 1867 01:18:59,585 --> 01:19:02,005 And resentment was building on both sides. Mm-Hmm. 1868 01:19:02,045 --> 01:19:03,445 . And it was just, eh. And 1869 01:19:03,445 --> 01:19:05,845 so we pressure washed the house. . 1870 01:19:06,315 --> 01:19:09,845 - Yeah. We - Did some stuff and then we just sat down 1871 01:19:10,145 --> 01:19:11,485 and it was so funny. 1872 01:19:11,985 --> 01:19:13,525 You did when you set up the chairs 1873 01:19:13,525 --> 01:19:14,685 where we were sitting in the shade Mm-Hmm. 1874 01:19:14,725 --> 01:19:16,925 what we do accidentally when we were in the 1875 01:19:16,925 --> 01:19:18,445 car, it was a parallel conversation. 1876 01:19:18,445 --> 01:19:19,965 We were not facing one another. 1877 01:19:20,025 --> 01:19:23,445 We were sitting looking out at our handiwork Mm-Hmm. 1878 01:19:23,485 --> 01:19:25,045 side by side. So we weren't actually looking 1879 01:19:25,145 --> 01:19:28,645 at one another and we ended up having a great conversation. 1880 01:19:28,825 --> 01:19:30,525 Yep. And then that conversation led 1881 01:19:30,525 --> 01:19:33,005 to smaller conversations over the next few days where 1882 01:19:33,515 --> 01:19:35,725 like realizations were made 1883 01:19:35,785 --> 01:19:39,205 and we each had to go, wait, I thought 1884 01:19:39,745 --> 01:19:41,485 you thought like Yeah. 1885 01:19:41,605 --> 01:19:42,725 A couple of years worth of things. 1886 01:19:42,725 --> 01:19:44,965 We were each walking around thinking the other one had been 1887 01:19:44,965 --> 01:19:47,205 thinking and we had been incorrect 1888 01:19:47,725 --> 01:19:48,725 - . 1889 01:19:48,725 --> 01:19:49,245 Right. Uh, . 1890 01:19:50,465 --> 01:19:52,045 - So I'm, I'm not saying you have 1891 01:19:52,045 --> 01:19:53,165 to pressure wash your house 1892 01:19:53,225 --> 01:19:55,445 and gouge the flesh of your hands 1893 01:19:55,805 --> 01:19:57,925 - - To, to get there. 1894 01:19:58,145 --> 01:20:00,285 But that's how we did it. So 1895 01:20:00,795 --> 01:20:02,645 - It's not a couch, just a scratch. 1896 01:20:02,915 --> 01:20:04,005 It's not a scratch. 1897 01:20:04,645 --> 01:20:08,285 - I saw through layers of skin. Oh God. 1898 01:20:08,285 --> 01:20:10,245 Every time I think about it. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm 1899 01:20:10,245 --> 01:20:11,725 mm-Hmm mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. 1900 01:20:12,875 --> 01:20:14,245 - Good thing you weren't around for some 1901 01:20:14,245 --> 01:20:15,765 of the times that I really did. Like, 1902 01:20:16,745 --> 01:20:19,485 - See, here's the thing, you know who you're dealing with. 1903 01:20:19,505 --> 01:20:21,525 The one time you really did get hurt, you had 1904 01:20:21,525 --> 01:20:23,605 to assure me there was no blood to get help. 1905 01:20:23,875 --> 01:20:26,485 Yeah. So just, you just know who, who, 1906 01:20:26,705 --> 01:20:28,285 who you married as long as . 1907 01:20:31,345 --> 01:20:36,125 No. Yeah. No. Um, so yeah, we have not fixed any part 1908 01:20:36,125 --> 01:20:38,085 of our life, but we are at least on the same page now. 1909 01:20:38,085 --> 01:20:41,165 Yeah. And we manage just by having a conversation. 1910 01:20:41,165 --> 01:20:42,845 This is the power of like, 1911 01:20:43,075 --> 01:20:45,005 just getting on the same fucking page with a partner. 1912 01:20:45,715 --> 01:20:48,045 Like we both started actually feeling hopeful again, 1913 01:20:48,445 --> 01:20:50,525 , nothing has changed. 1914 01:20:50,625 --> 01:20:51,765 Mm-Hmm. Nothing has changed. 1915 01:20:51,765 --> 01:20:53,085 Everything is exactly the way it was 1916 01:20:53,085 --> 01:20:54,085 before that conversation. 1917 01:20:54,505 --> 01:20:56,685 We were trying to change it, but like, nothing's changed. 1918 01:20:57,105 --> 01:21:01,205 Um, and yet we both feel better . I don't know. 1919 01:21:01,325 --> 01:21:05,005 I don't, I don't understand the, the physics of that, 1920 01:21:05,145 --> 01:21:08,485 but I know that it, it is what happened. Yeah. Um, 1921 01:21:09,185 --> 01:21:10,605 - And, and silent, you're right. 1922 01:21:11,105 --> 01:21:13,085 If it was a gouge, it wouldn't need stitches. 1923 01:21:13,105 --> 01:21:14,325 It does not need stitches. 1924 01:21:14,985 --> 01:21:16,485 - It might've No, it does not. 1925 01:21:16,575 --> 01:21:18,365 Y'all did not hear the screaming 1926 01:21:18,365 --> 01:21:19,885 that came from the liquid bandage. 1927 01:21:20,405 --> 01:21:21,805 A wound opened that much. 1928 01:21:23,285 --> 01:21:26,165 I mean, I guess if he, if we're ever like in the middle 1929 01:21:26,165 --> 01:21:29,125 of the Civil War in the 18 hundreds 1930 01:21:29,305 --> 01:21:32,605 and he gets shot, I'll just pour liquid bandage on it. 1931 01:21:33,085 --> 01:21:35,285 Jesus Christ. I dunno why? 1932 01:21:36,445 --> 01:21:39,605 I mean, I just, I don't know. 1933 01:21:39,605 --> 01:21:40,885 Anyway, , 1934 01:21:43,485 --> 01:21:44,685 , you know what? 1935 01:21:44,705 --> 01:21:48,205 And it's blood in and of itself is not my favorite. 1936 01:21:48,275 --> 01:21:50,005 Like, I'm not gonna seek out looking at it. 1937 01:21:50,105 --> 01:21:52,685 It is the wound that goes with the blood. Mm. 1938 01:21:52,795 --> 01:21:54,485 It's the wound I can't really handle. 1939 01:21:55,145 --> 01:21:56,685 Um, be, and I, it's 1940 01:21:56,685 --> 01:21:59,405 because with, especially with people I care about, 1941 01:21:59,605 --> 01:22:02,245 I have such a physical reaction to it is a, 1942 01:22:02,315 --> 01:22:03,725 it's a painful reaction. 1943 01:22:04,085 --> 01:22:05,085 I don't know what that's about. I 1944 01:22:05,085 --> 01:22:06,045 don't know where it comes from. 1945 01:22:06,045 --> 01:22:09,725 And, um, I don't like seeing 1946 01:22:10,625 --> 01:22:11,885 wounds like Mm-Hmm. 1947 01:22:11,925 --> 01:22:13,125 on other people either. 1948 01:22:13,235 --> 01:22:16,165 When we're watching a movie, I, 1949 01:22:16,805 --> 01:22:18,285 I can usually tell if I gotta get up. 1950 01:22:18,425 --> 01:22:22,045 Can I tell you that the first time I ever saw Deadpool? 1951 01:22:22,045 --> 01:22:25,965 Oh, I was not prepared. . Yeah. 1952 01:22:26,965 --> 01:22:31,125 I spent easily 60% of that movie just looking down 1953 01:22:31,545 --> 01:22:34,565 or looking away or putting the pillow in front of my face. 1954 01:22:34,685 --> 01:22:36,245 I mean, we watched it at home, obviously. 1955 01:22:36,865 --> 01:22:38,165 - I'd have, I have to, I have 1956 01:22:38,165 --> 01:22:39,445 to be there. Okay. You can look now. 1957 01:22:39,445 --> 01:22:41,245 - You're right. Exactly. Exactly. 1958 01:22:43,745 --> 01:22:46,965 So, yeah. Uh, we are finally in our 1959 01:22:47,995 --> 01:22:50,125 solidly spring practically summer weather. 1960 01:22:50,325 --> 01:22:53,005 I think we should have put the, the loud fan on today. 1961 01:22:53,025 --> 01:22:54,565 Mm-Hmm. It's so warm back here. 1962 01:22:54,825 --> 01:22:57,325 - It is. I'm, I'm not uncomfortable, 1963 01:22:57,505 --> 01:22:59,045 but it is warmer than it has 1964 01:22:59,045 --> 01:23:00,245 been. Yes. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 1965 01:23:00,285 --> 01:23:01,325 - . Yeah. Yeah. 1966 01:23:01,325 --> 01:23:03,725 It was warm enough last night and, and 1967 01:23:03,865 --> 01:23:06,045 or I had enough hot flashes that my, 1968 01:23:06,145 --> 01:23:08,245 my little fan could not keep up. 1969 01:23:08,265 --> 01:23:11,125 - Really? Oh - My God. I woke up so many times. Miserable. 1970 01:23:12,225 --> 01:23:16,325 So well and silent. I didn't dislike Deadpool. 1971 01:23:16,485 --> 01:23:17,845 I just could not look at the screen 1972 01:23:18,225 --> 01:23:21,165 - For Mm 1973 01:23:21,625 --> 01:23:25,965 - Mm mm So, um, 1974 01:23:26,545 --> 01:23:28,525 you and I are gonna go run an errand together later. 1975 01:23:28,705 --> 01:23:30,325 - We are. Mm-Hmm. Gotta go pick up, 1976 01:23:30,345 --> 01:23:31,845 uh, band saw blades. Mm-Hmm. . 1977 01:23:31,845 --> 01:23:33,205 - Mm-Hmm. and check the mail. Yep. 1978 01:23:33,545 --> 01:23:36,965 And one of the 14 year old's teachers thinks I'm going 1979 01:23:36,965 --> 01:23:38,845 to call her and not just email her. 1980 01:23:39,005 --> 01:23:40,045 I know what she's calling about. 1981 01:23:41,545 --> 01:23:43,605 She wants to have a conversation over the phone about it. 1982 01:23:43,605 --> 01:23:46,325 No, no. We're good. I know he failed that test. 1983 01:23:46,485 --> 01:23:48,685 I know he won't get full credit for this blah blah thing. 1984 01:23:49,085 --> 01:23:51,965 I discussed it with him and he went, okay. And there we go. 1985 01:23:52,275 --> 01:23:54,165 Natural consequences. That's what we're doing. 1986 01:23:54,545 --> 01:23:55,965 But please don't make me fucking call you. 1987 01:23:56,535 --> 01:23:58,045 Let's just do this by email , 1988 01:24:04,785 --> 01:24:05,245 but yeah. 1989 01:24:05,905 --> 01:24:09,805 - Um, that's all I got. 1990 01:24:10,555 --> 01:24:12,725 - Yeah. I mean, can I keep going? I can always keep going. 1991 01:24:13,285 --> 01:24:15,445 I just don't necessarily think there's a, a market for me 1992 01:24:15,445 --> 01:24:16,685 to just keep going. 1993 01:24:17,465 --> 01:24:18,805 Uh, some of y'all would enjoy that 1994 01:24:18,805 --> 01:24:20,085 and I'm grateful to y'all. 1995 01:24:20,315 --> 01:24:24,565 Yeah. But yeah, so I guess we should go Mm-Hmm. 1996 01:24:24,605 --> 01:24:27,325 and do things. Yeah. Okay. Fine. 1997 01:24:27,545 --> 01:24:29,365 All right. Okay. Fine. 1998 01:24:29,515 --> 01:24:32,845 - Okay. - Um, we think everything is fixed and, 1999 01:24:32,865 --> 01:24:34,245 and working as it 2000 01:24:34,245 --> 01:24:35,245 - Should. 2001 01:24:35,245 --> 01:24:35,965 It seemed, it seemed to stay the way it was. 2002 01:24:35,965 --> 01:24:38,565 We haven't gotten any errors or, you know. Yep, 2003 01:24:38,705 --> 01:24:39,705 - Yep. 2004 01:24:39,705 --> 01:24:41,445 We, I don't even think we've had the, the blip. The 2005 01:24:41,445 --> 01:24:42,445 - Blip blip - No. 2006 01:24:42,445 --> 01:24:43,245 For the screen on the, 2007 01:24:43,345 --> 01:24:44,285 - Um, Nope. Gold 2008 01:24:44,285 --> 01:24:45,285 - Black. 2009 01:24:45,285 --> 01:24:45,765 Nope. Podcast listeners, 2010 01:24:45,765 --> 01:24:47,285 you're very fortunate you don't have 2011 01:24:47,285 --> 01:24:48,525 to live through any of that . 2012 01:24:48,785 --> 01:24:51,365 You just have to bear with bad audio, which I, 2013 01:24:51,365 --> 01:24:52,805 we should have fixed this week as well. Yeah, 2014 01:24:52,805 --> 01:24:53,725 - That should be. Yeah. 2015 01:24:54,105 --> 01:24:56,725 - But, uh, so we should, we'll be back next week. Mm-Hmm. 2016 01:24:56,765 --> 01:24:58,045 as we should be. Yep. 2017 01:24:58,785 --> 01:25:01,965 And yeah, I guess we're gonna go. All right. Okay. 2018 01:25:02,665 --> 01:25:03,285 - Bye. Bye.