1 00:00:10,535 --> 00:00:12,195 - You are listening to the Living BDSM podcast. 2 00:00:12,365 --> 00:00:14,115 Kayla Lord's here with the one, the only, 3 00:00:14,255 --> 00:00:16,155 the you have every right to be stressed right now. 4 00:00:16,595 --> 00:00:18,915 I wish I could make it better. John Brownstone. 5 00:00:19,705 --> 00:00:22,955 - Yeah. - We've been having technical difficulties prior 6 00:00:22,955 --> 00:00:23,955 to recording y'all. 7 00:00:24,445 --> 00:00:25,475 - Major technical 8 00:00:25,715 --> 00:00:26,715 - Difficulties. 9 00:00:26,715 --> 00:00:27,195 Yeah. Y'all should not notice a thing 10 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:28,915 'cause the audio is just fine. 11 00:00:28,965 --> 00:00:31,115 Right? It's the video portion that's, uh, 12 00:00:31,525 --> 00:00:32,995 - Gonna be a bit janked. Yeah. 13 00:00:33,065 --> 00:00:35,075 - Yeah. So - Not what it, what not what 14 00:00:35,695 --> 00:00:37,115 we become used to. No, 15 00:00:37,295 --> 00:00:38,295 - No. 16 00:00:38,295 --> 00:00:39,595 Not at all. . So, yeah. 17 00:00:39,595 --> 00:00:41,035 You have every right to be stressed. Yeah. 18 00:00:41,135 --> 00:00:42,275 Is that what we're talking about today? 19 00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:43,915 No, no, no, it's not. Uh, 20 00:00:43,945 --> 00:00:46,435 this week we're answering a question from a ster who's not 21 00:00:46,435 --> 00:00:49,475 feeling confident about their large breasts during fuckery 22 00:00:49,475 --> 00:00:51,955 and other, other moments with their partner. 23 00:00:52,415 --> 00:00:54,235 Uh, they're looking for lingerie options 24 00:00:54,385 --> 00:00:57,315 that actually support the tatas. 25 00:00:57,775 --> 00:01:00,435 Um, that's not all we're gonna talk about though. 26 00:01:00,975 --> 00:01:03,035 Uh, a content warning for anybody who might need it. 27 00:01:03,095 --> 00:01:05,835 Uh, we will likely talk about body size 28 00:01:05,855 --> 00:01:08,115 and body image in this episode. 29 00:01:08,165 --> 00:01:09,795 Maybe not fully in depth, 30 00:01:09,855 --> 00:01:11,435 but we will definitely be touching on that. 31 00:01:11,895 --> 00:01:14,235 If that's nothing you want to think about right now, 32 00:01:14,585 --> 00:01:16,035 feel free to note outta this one. 33 00:01:16,495 --> 00:01:19,035 Uh, feel free to skip it, come back later if you want to. 34 00:01:19,355 --> 00:01:21,755 Whatever, whatever. We've got so many other episodes. 35 00:01:21,865 --> 00:01:24,755 There's something else. Go listen to take care of yourself. 36 00:01:24,815 --> 00:01:28,155 Always. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. 37 00:01:28,335 --> 00:01:30,355 If you're new here, we help Kinks are like you have happy, 38 00:01:30,355 --> 00:01:32,515 healthy power exchange relationships at the podcast, 39 00:01:32,585 --> 00:01:33,755 your favorite podcast apps. 40 00:01:34,035 --> 00:01:35,115 You never miss an episode. 41 00:01:35,415 --> 00:01:39,235 And if you'd like us to answer your question in a future one 42 00:01:39,235 --> 00:01:42,035 of these, uh, we have a contact page called Ask your 43 00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:44,795 Questions on our website@lovingbdsm.net. 44 00:01:44,795 --> 00:01:47,515 That's loving bdsm.net. 45 00:01:47,735 --> 00:01:50,515 Or you can find it in the show notes, uh, for this episode. 46 00:01:51,665 --> 00:01:53,755 Okay. Let's get into the question. Right. 47 00:01:54,295 --> 00:01:55,915 I'm a larger woman in my fifties, 48 00:01:56,595 --> 00:01:59,075 specifically in the breasts 42 Triple D. 49 00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:01,115 I'm super self-conscious about their size 50 00:02:01,175 --> 00:02:02,195 and more on the side 51 00:02:02,195 --> 00:02:05,115 of them not being perky like they were as my younger self. 52 00:02:05,655 --> 00:02:07,435 My partner likes playing with breasts. 53 00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:10,395 Is there intimate apparel that supports the tatas? 54 00:02:10,705 --> 00:02:12,595 I've seen some items of Victoria's Secret, 55 00:02:12,735 --> 00:02:15,035 but they aren't always accessible in the areas which 56 00:02:15,185 --> 00:02:16,315 also need access. 57 00:02:17,015 --> 00:02:19,155 Any recommendation will be helpful. Okay. 58 00:02:19,155 --> 00:02:21,915 We're totally gonna do what we can to help. Yeah. 59 00:02:21,935 --> 00:02:23,795 But there's a whole other part I wanna focus on. 60 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,475 But let's start with maybe what would help, first of all, 61 00:02:26,955 --> 00:02:28,835 a Triple D don't go to Victoria's Secret. 62 00:02:28,865 --> 00:02:30,915 They are not designed to help you. 63 00:02:30,915 --> 00:02:32,475 They're not even trying to help you . 64 00:02:32,975 --> 00:02:35,755 Um, I wish I was a lingerie person 65 00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:37,635 and could say, here, go to these places. 66 00:02:37,955 --> 00:02:40,795 'cause these places are amazing. I'm not. 67 00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,755 Um, I did do a quick Google search. Mm-Hmm. . 68 00:02:43,765 --> 00:02:44,955 There are definitely people, 69 00:02:45,135 --> 00:02:47,795 or I say people definitely companies claiming 70 00:02:47,915 --> 00:02:50,435 that they cater to bigger boobs. 71 00:02:50,975 --> 00:02:53,795 Um, here's what I found when I was doing a search though. 72 00:02:55,865 --> 00:02:57,395 Look at the models they use 73 00:02:57,395 --> 00:03:01,085 because the sites that tried to tell me, oh yes, we cater 74 00:03:01,145 --> 00:03:04,325 to Triple D's and G's and F's and go through the alphabet, 75 00:03:04,665 --> 00:03:07,445 and then all their models were maybe a B minus cup. 76 00:03:07,445 --> 00:03:09,205 Mm-Hmm. if they took a deep breath. Right? 77 00:03:09,365 --> 00:03:11,125 I was like, okay, I don't trust you. 78 00:03:11,905 --> 00:03:15,805 Um, are there lingerie companies that make bras 79 00:03:15,825 --> 00:03:19,245 and other pieces of lingerie for larger bodies 80 00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:20,285 and larger boobs? 81 00:03:20,805 --> 00:03:22,925 Absolutely. The first thing that came to my mind, 82 00:03:22,925 --> 00:03:24,085 and you tell me what you think, 83 00:03:24,425 --> 00:03:25,805 and everybody says this differently, 84 00:03:25,965 --> 00:03:27,005 I always call it a corset. 85 00:03:27,025 --> 00:03:28,445 Mm-Hmm. . But I keep hearing it 86 00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:29,725 being called a corset. 87 00:03:29,995 --> 00:03:31,525 Pick your pronunciation. Mm-Hmm. . 88 00:03:31,705 --> 00:03:33,005 But a corset is what I thought 89 00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:34,845 of the moment I saw this question. That 90 00:03:34,845 --> 00:03:35,845 - That would definitely work. 91 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,605 Mm-Hmm. . Um, you know, 92 00:03:37,605 --> 00:03:40,525 because there's a number of different styles you can get 93 00:03:41,145 --> 00:03:44,645 in courses and some of them absolutely do offer support. 94 00:03:44,875 --> 00:03:47,325 - Yeah. I've seen two styles that came to mind. 95 00:03:47,745 --> 00:03:51,445 One for access specifically is the kind where the 96 00:03:52,455 --> 00:03:55,645 boice part is open and the boobs are just out there. 97 00:03:55,715 --> 00:03:58,005 They're just hanging out, having a good time, 98 00:03:58,005 --> 00:03:59,845 getting all the air and the attention. 99 00:04:00,225 --> 00:04:01,525 And then of course there's the type 100 00:04:01,525 --> 00:04:03,205 that holds 'em, but lifts 'em. 101 00:04:03,465 --> 00:04:06,845 And what I've noticed, um, for larger chest people, 102 00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,845 your cleavage is a little like under your chin, 103 00:04:10,105 --> 00:04:12,325 but it's also like dead sexy when I've seen 104 00:04:12,325 --> 00:04:13,485 it on, on people. 105 00:04:13,785 --> 00:04:18,685 So, um, in terms of where to find that kind of thing 106 00:04:18,685 --> 00:04:23,605 so that it's actually decent quality, um, look on FetLife, 107 00:04:23,605 --> 00:04:26,845 because corsets as fetish wear are very common. 108 00:04:26,845 --> 00:04:29,205 Mm-Hmm. . Um, you absolutely can find corsets 109 00:04:29,205 --> 00:04:30,805 on online from non kink places, 110 00:04:31,345 --> 00:04:34,085 but there's nothing wrong with sending a little business 111 00:04:34,145 --> 00:04:35,365 to kink Mm-Hmm. 112 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,485 , uh, businesses. 113 00:04:37,115 --> 00:04:38,245 Also people and 114 00:04:38,265 --> 00:04:42,565 or companies that make, um, uh, clothing costumes 115 00:04:42,705 --> 00:04:45,565 for like renaissance fair cosplay kind of thing 116 00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:48,445 because you tend to get something that's better structured, 117 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,365 maybe even, um, like 118 00:04:51,945 --> 00:04:53,605 what's authentic is the word I want 119 00:04:53,605 --> 00:04:54,645 to Mm-Hmm. maybe a a 120 00:04:54,645 --> 00:04:56,085 - Time period or whatever. 121 00:04:56,285 --> 00:04:58,085 I, um, you know, one, one thing, not 122 00:04:58,085 --> 00:05:00,125 that I know a great deal about corsets, 123 00:05:00,145 --> 00:05:03,165 but, um, I think one of the things you wanna look for, 124 00:05:03,225 --> 00:05:05,485 you know, yes, you can find corsets nowadays 125 00:05:05,485 --> 00:05:06,525 pretty much anywhere. 126 00:05:06,525 --> 00:05:08,405 Mm-Hmm. , even Amazon. Mm-Hmm. . 127 00:05:08,705 --> 00:05:12,965 Um, but what, when you find a good 128 00:05:13,705 --> 00:05:16,045 corset maker, it is the quality 129 00:05:16,585 --> 00:05:18,285 you are paying for, for to hold. 130 00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:19,725 Yes. You know that it's gonna last. 131 00:05:20,385 --> 00:05:25,305 Um, I, I believe from 132 00:05:25,895 --> 00:05:29,945 what I have read, um, one of the things the better, um, 133 00:05:31,615 --> 00:05:32,625 corsets use bone 134 00:05:33,495 --> 00:05:34,825 - Like boning, - Boning, yeah. 135 00:05:34,825 --> 00:05:36,185 Mm-Hmm. , um, for support, 136 00:05:36,555 --> 00:05:38,945 which is I believe one of the better. 137 00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:41,545 Yes. Ones you can go go to. 138 00:05:42,645 --> 00:05:44,385 Um, other than that, 139 00:05:44,465 --> 00:05:46,825 I don't know a whole lot about corsets myself. 140 00:05:47,045 --> 00:05:50,025 - No. It's always been my dream to like, have one mm-Hmm. 141 00:05:50,065 --> 00:05:53,065 like in my mind, my, uh, 142 00:05:53,535 --> 00:05:57,365 kink aesthetic in a kink space is a corset 143 00:05:57,365 --> 00:06:00,365 that like nips tucks holds me all in and up 144 00:06:00,365 --> 00:06:02,445 because I too am constantly thinking, oh God, 145 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:05,205 my boobs are not sitting where they used to . 146 00:06:05,625 --> 00:06:08,645 Um, and then, and there there'd be purple there. 147 00:06:08,705 --> 00:06:10,685 Of course there'd be, and then like a tutu 148 00:06:10,785 --> 00:06:12,445 or some kind of Kline tool thing 149 00:06:12,445 --> 00:06:13,765 where my ass is hanging out. 150 00:06:13,945 --> 00:06:16,765 But like, I technically have covered it, . 151 00:06:16,765 --> 00:06:18,365 And then knowing me, because I don't do heels, 152 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,085 I'm probably wearing my purple converse 153 00:06:20,325 --> 00:06:22,525 'cause comfort every fucking day. 154 00:06:22,535 --> 00:06:23,885 There you go. Um, . 155 00:06:24,825 --> 00:06:28,525 So I am putting this out here 156 00:06:28,525 --> 00:06:30,685 because when I tried to do research, that was the hard part. 157 00:06:30,685 --> 00:06:32,765 I was like, well, who do I, how do I know I can trust a 158 00:06:32,765 --> 00:06:35,085 company if I haven't personally used them? 159 00:06:35,185 --> 00:06:38,125 So that's why, because I don't specifically know any 160 00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,205 companies that I've, I've worked with or that I know about. 161 00:06:40,505 --> 00:06:42,765 I'm not naming anything. But what I'm part of 162 00:06:42,765 --> 00:06:45,205 what we're doing here is putting this out to the audience 163 00:06:45,345 --> 00:06:46,805 who is watching and or listening. 164 00:06:47,105 --> 00:06:50,765 And if you have recommendations of companies that 165 00:06:51,425 --> 00:06:52,485 do good work 166 00:06:52,665 --> 00:06:56,285 and absolutely cater to bigger boobs, 167 00:06:56,555 --> 00:06:59,885 like drop those links and those company names 168 00:07:00,225 --> 00:07:03,525 and, you know, let us know whether it's corsets 169 00:07:03,745 --> 00:07:05,445 or just lingerie in general. 170 00:07:05,505 --> 00:07:09,885 Mm-Hmm. . Now here's the part that stuck out 171 00:07:09,905 --> 00:07:13,685 to me that I was like, if we don't address this, it's going 172 00:07:13,685 --> 00:07:14,685 to eat me a lot. 173 00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:17,565 Uh oh. It is. 174 00:07:17,985 --> 00:07:20,965 I'm super self-conscious about their size and 175 00:07:20,965 --> 00:07:22,205 because they're not perky, 176 00:07:22,545 --> 00:07:25,325 but then my partner likes playing with breasts. 177 00:07:25,825 --> 00:07:28,645 So what I want, one, I want you to wear 178 00:07:29,445 --> 00:07:31,925 whatever makes you feel fierce and fabulous and sexy. 179 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,165 Mm-Hmm. . And if 180 00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:35,925 what you want is massive support 181 00:07:36,465 --> 00:07:38,405 and to kind of like have the appearance 182 00:07:38,405 --> 00:07:41,885 that the girls are standing up by themselves, 183 00:07:42,205 --> 00:07:43,365 I, you should have that. 184 00:07:43,395 --> 00:07:44,685 Okay. And I think it's out there. 185 00:07:44,685 --> 00:07:45,885 You just might have to search for it. 186 00:07:46,905 --> 00:07:51,845 But also what I want for everybody, including myself, is 187 00:07:51,865 --> 00:07:54,165 for you to be comfortable with your body. 188 00:07:54,505 --> 00:07:56,605 You don't have to love it. That's body positivity. 189 00:07:56,905 --> 00:07:58,405 I'm a fan of body neutrality, 190 00:07:58,405 --> 00:08:00,805 which just means you acknowledge that that's your body 191 00:08:00,865 --> 00:08:04,005 and you don't have, uh, a good or bad thought about it. 192 00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:04,685 Mm-Hmm. it just 193 00:08:04,705 --> 00:08:06,485 exists not one way or the other. 194 00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:09,965 Yeah. Right. And maybe, maybe it's 195 00:08:10,045 --> 00:08:12,205 'cause it's been on my mind lately when I saw this question, 196 00:08:12,285 --> 00:08:13,405 I was like, oh yeah, we have to, we have 197 00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:14,525 to talk about this . 198 00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:18,605 And it's because I am not at all confident about my body. 199 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,285 Not just my boobs, but like my stomach and even my butt 200 00:08:21,285 --> 00:08:23,085 because it's not as high as it used to be. 201 00:08:23,275 --> 00:08:24,925 It's not as firm as it used to be. 202 00:08:25,155 --> 00:08:26,845 It's not as round as it used to be. 203 00:08:27,355 --> 00:08:29,245 It's still a perfectly serviceable ass. 204 00:08:29,265 --> 00:08:32,605 It gets me sitting up and it gets spanked. 205 00:08:32,625 --> 00:08:35,085 So it's doing its job. Right. . 206 00:08:35,145 --> 00:08:39,725 But if I have to like, let myself think about 207 00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:43,405 how I feel about my body, it is not a positive thing. 208 00:08:44,265 --> 00:08:46,805 And so I feel like I can kind of maybe relate, 209 00:08:47,305 --> 00:08:51,005 but I wanted to pass on some hard earned wisdom, 210 00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:52,725 wisdom experience. 211 00:08:52,925 --> 00:08:54,925 I don't know. And it's about 212 00:08:55,765 --> 00:08:58,245 assuming you have a good partnership with this person 213 00:08:59,425 --> 00:09:02,805 and that they are enjoying your boobs, right? 214 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,325 Like, you might not feel good about them. Mm-Hmm. 215 00:09:05,365 --> 00:09:07,165 . But they're like, I mean, 216 00:09:07,205 --> 00:09:10,045 I don't care if they're, you know, motor boating them, 217 00:09:10,485 --> 00:09:14,605 or whatever they they might be doing 218 00:09:14,605 --> 00:09:18,725 to them if they are just actively appreciative, 219 00:09:19,585 --> 00:09:22,125 openly appreciative and enjoying your boobs. 220 00:09:22,755 --> 00:09:24,365 That is what I want you to focus on. 221 00:09:24,365 --> 00:09:27,525 Because yes, you know, it's, 222 00:09:27,675 --> 00:09:29,325 it's like telling an anxious person. 223 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,365 What if you just tried not worrying, like 224 00:09:31,945 --> 00:09:33,725 you are self-conscious about your boobs? 225 00:09:33,725 --> 00:09:35,965 What if you just weren't like, it doesn't work. Okay. 226 00:09:36,065 --> 00:09:38,445 And anybody with any sense knows it doesn't work. 227 00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:42,365 But the thing I have found helpful over the years is not 228 00:09:42,905 --> 00:09:45,285 in the moment with, with JB 229 00:09:45,625 --> 00:09:47,525 and anybody else who might be appreciative of 230 00:09:47,555 --> 00:09:50,605 what everybody partner's saying, I'm not thinking about 231 00:09:50,705 --> 00:09:51,965 how I feel about it. 232 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,125 And that was hard to do. That took me a while to overcome. 233 00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,565 Mm-Hmm. , I'm focused on what, 234 00:09:56,155 --> 00:09:59,525 what you're making me feel and your reactions. 235 00:09:59,985 --> 00:10:01,605 Now somebody's gonna say we shouldn't 236 00:10:01,605 --> 00:10:02,765 need external validation. 237 00:10:02,765 --> 00:10:04,965 Well, maybe we shouldn't, but sometimes that fucking helps. 238 00:10:05,115 --> 00:10:07,245 Okay, let's use what we've got. 239 00:10:07,385 --> 00:10:08,645 And if you've got a partner 240 00:10:08,985 --> 00:10:11,685 who is showing their appreciation for a part of your body 241 00:10:11,685 --> 00:10:14,445 that you are self-conscious about for whatever reason 242 00:10:14,475 --> 00:10:18,645 that might be, and you don't either want to feel that way 243 00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:22,245 or you can tell that the way you're feeling is impeding your 244 00:10:22,395 --> 00:10:23,765 enjoyment of the moment. 245 00:10:25,185 --> 00:10:28,325 The thing I'm gonna say try doing 246 00:10:28,945 --> 00:10:31,525 and it'll, if it works for you, it'll get easier over time. 247 00:10:32,295 --> 00:10:33,885 Focus on their pleasure. 248 00:10:34,075 --> 00:10:36,565 Like, you don't say in your question, are you submissive? 249 00:10:36,585 --> 00:10:37,845 Are you dumb? Are you switch? 250 00:10:37,875 --> 00:10:40,405 Like, I don't get, I don't get a sense of your role here, 251 00:10:40,405 --> 00:10:41,605 so I don't wanna assume anything. 252 00:10:41,985 --> 00:10:45,945 But as a submissive realizing, wait, 253 00:10:46,805 --> 00:10:48,185 JB is in charge of everything. 254 00:10:48,455 --> 00:10:50,105 I've given him that power . 255 00:10:50,645 --> 00:10:53,065 He is the one who controls this. 256 00:10:53,205 --> 00:10:54,945 He is the one who tells me what he wants. 257 00:10:55,105 --> 00:10:56,385 I don't have to wonder 258 00:10:56,605 --> 00:10:58,785 or question am I doing the right thing. 259 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,905 I literally just have to do what I'm told. 260 00:11:01,315 --> 00:11:05,265 Which means if my daddy Dom tells me 261 00:11:05,385 --> 00:11:08,145 that he likes my body, he is enjoying my body. 262 00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:11,345 Mm-Hmm. it might not change how I see my body, 263 00:11:12,125 --> 00:11:16,425 but it does allow me to kind of do this little mental leap 264 00:11:16,605 --> 00:11:19,225 of, well, I don't think my daddy is a liar. 265 00:11:19,525 --> 00:11:22,305 My daddy's in charge. So if my daddy likes my body, 266 00:11:22,885 --> 00:11:25,465 here's my body for him to like and enjoy. 267 00:11:25,465 --> 00:11:26,985 Mm-Hmm. . And then what happens for me, 268 00:11:27,075 --> 00:11:28,745 which is rare, I've got one 269 00:11:28,745 --> 00:11:30,265 of those minds that's constantly going. 270 00:11:30,325 --> 00:11:33,625 It does not slow down for anything, is if I can just 271 00:11:34,175 --> 00:11:38,545 sink into and experienced, experienced, what are words? 272 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:41,705 I don't know, experience the pleasure I'm feeling the 273 00:11:41,705 --> 00:11:42,745 moment, the moment. 274 00:11:42,885 --> 00:11:45,425 And it's, it's a little bit of that mindful thing, 275 00:11:45,445 --> 00:11:49,225 but not in like, not in the woowoo sense more 276 00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:51,145 of a Oh oh, that feels really good. 277 00:11:51,245 --> 00:11:54,245 And what I, what I'm thinking about is, oh, I like 278 00:11:54,245 --> 00:11:55,565 that sharp pain in my nipple. 279 00:11:55,945 --> 00:11:59,485 I'm not thinking, oh my God, my boob is like, has moved off 280 00:11:59,505 --> 00:12:02,445 to the side and we have parted the red sea 281 00:12:02,505 --> 00:12:03,725 in the middle of my chest. 282 00:12:04,045 --> 00:12:06,285 - . Oh goodness. - Can I get stuck in that? 283 00:12:06,945 --> 00:12:08,325 Yes I can . 284 00:12:09,185 --> 00:12:11,565 Um, and then it kills my enjoyment for the moment. 285 00:12:11,745 --> 00:12:15,885 But if I can try to push that thought to the side 286 00:12:16,065 --> 00:12:19,605 and just think about the sensations 287 00:12:20,075 --> 00:12:23,485 that I'm experiencing that I enjoy, or the connection. 288 00:12:23,595 --> 00:12:27,925 Like we were speaking of boobs before recording today. 289 00:12:28,565 --> 00:12:31,685 I had been getting changed and dressed and I looked down 290 00:12:31,825 --> 00:12:35,125 and I had two fading bruises on my, 291 00:12:35,185 --> 00:12:36,645 my boobs, one on each one. 292 00:12:36,705 --> 00:12:39,085 And I for a second went, wait, how? 293 00:12:39,145 --> 00:12:40,925 And then I remembered over the past few days, 294 00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:43,565 J's been very handsy and I've been enjoying it . 295 00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:46,245 And he is been grabbing and squeezing hard. 296 00:12:46,345 --> 00:12:49,845 And I have, I have not in that moment thought, oh God, my, 297 00:12:49,905 --> 00:12:51,965 my boobs not the same shape it used to be. 298 00:12:51,995 --> 00:12:53,485 It's not the same size it used to be. 299 00:12:53,735 --> 00:12:55,885 Quite frankly, I don't like it when they get 300 00:12:55,885 --> 00:12:57,245 smaller . 301 00:12:57,445 --> 00:13:00,205 I prefer them to be, uh, more than a handful. 302 00:13:00,305 --> 00:13:02,285 But I'm also not carrying around, you know, anything 303 00:13:02,285 --> 00:13:03,765 that can hurt my back or my shoulders. 304 00:13:04,345 --> 00:13:07,565 Um, and I was so caught up in what 305 00:13:08,185 --> 00:13:09,645 we had been experiencing together. 306 00:13:10,005 --> 00:13:11,965 I mm-Hmm. . And the, and I love pain 307 00:13:12,205 --> 00:13:13,965 'cause I'm a masochist and that, that hits, 308 00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:16,085 that hits me in all the right spots when you do that. 309 00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:19,285 I hadn't even been aware you had held on hard enough 310 00:13:19,385 --> 00:13:21,805 to leave a bruise because I hadn't been thinking 311 00:13:21,805 --> 00:13:22,965 of the body part. 312 00:13:23,945 --> 00:13:25,445 I'd been focused on the sensation 313 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,725 and the connection right now, 314 00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,565 me from 10 years ago when we first got together, 315 00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:32,725 who was also about 40 pounds lighter. 316 00:13:32,815 --> 00:13:37,485 Let's be real. Um, that took a while. That was hard to do. 317 00:13:37,965 --> 00:13:40,285 I actually needed to be almost overstimulated 318 00:13:40,285 --> 00:13:44,845 and kink to get out of my own head in order to just learn 319 00:13:44,845 --> 00:13:49,525 how to focus on the sensations and the pleasure over time. 320 00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:52,325 I've had a partner who threw all of the ups 321 00:13:52,325 --> 00:13:55,405 and downs of this particular body, has been appreciative 322 00:13:55,425 --> 00:13:58,045 of it, has lavished it with affection, 323 00:13:58,185 --> 00:13:59,405 has made it feel good. 324 00:13:59,785 --> 00:14:01,845 You don't shy away from my body just 325 00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:04,285 'cause it does not look like it did when we first met. 326 00:14:04,825 --> 00:14:08,125 And I have leaned into that because it's a trust thing. 327 00:14:08,385 --> 00:14:10,645 If I trust you, then I have to trust 328 00:14:10,645 --> 00:14:13,325 that even if I don't agree with what you see, . 329 00:14:13,325 --> 00:14:14,445 Mm-Hmm. , I agree 330 00:14:14,445 --> 00:14:16,965 that you I trust that you mean it. I mean, 331 00:14:16,965 --> 00:14:18,125 - You know, that goes both ways. 332 00:14:18,145 --> 00:14:19,725 Mm-Hmm. , I mean, let's face it. 333 00:14:19,965 --> 00:14:22,565 I do not look the way I did 334 00:14:23,465 --> 00:14:24,465 - No. 335 00:14:24,465 --> 00:14:25,165 10 years ago. I think you, 336 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:26,285 but I think you've actually, you, 337 00:14:26,745 --> 00:14:29,125 you had gotten a little bit bigger and then lot 338 00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:31,565 before we met and then lost weight. 339 00:14:31,585 --> 00:14:32,765 And then you and I have gone through the 340 00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:34,125 fluctuations together since then. 341 00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:36,205 Yeah. So I've watched you do up and down. Mm-Hmm. 342 00:14:36,245 --> 00:14:37,085 as much as you've watched 343 00:14:37,105 --> 00:14:38,125 me do up and down. Yeah. 344 00:14:38,585 --> 00:14:41,845 - So, you know, it, it, it kind of goes both ways, right? 345 00:14:42,145 --> 00:14:43,765 - And it's not, it's not as simple 346 00:14:43,785 --> 00:14:45,005 as well just don't worry about it. 347 00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:49,845 Mm-Hmm. If you have power exchange dynamics at all in your 348 00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,765 relationship with this partner, even if it's just for play 349 00:14:52,785 --> 00:14:56,485 or even if it's just role play to the extent 350 00:14:56,485 --> 00:14:58,605 that you are comfortable, that I would lean into that. 351 00:14:58,605 --> 00:15:01,925 Because for me, as a submissive, it's very comforting to go, 352 00:15:02,195 --> 00:15:03,525 well, my daddy says so, 353 00:15:03,545 --> 00:15:05,925 and all I have to do is do what my daddy says. 354 00:15:06,055 --> 00:15:07,885 Right? . 355 00:15:08,305 --> 00:15:12,685 Um, it doesn't change how I may feel when I'm alone 356 00:15:12,865 --> 00:15:15,325 and I'm getting undressed or I'm taking a shower. 357 00:15:15,645 --> 00:15:17,525 I catch a view of myself in the mirror 358 00:15:17,545 --> 00:15:20,205 and I just, I, I don't love it. 359 00:15:20,325 --> 00:15:23,045 I don't love it. But I don't walk 360 00:15:23,045 --> 00:15:25,645 around worrying all the time about want needing 361 00:15:25,645 --> 00:15:27,045 to love my body. 362 00:15:27,245 --> 00:15:29,045 I just need to accept that it exists 363 00:15:29,225 --> 00:15:31,485 and it's functioning right. 364 00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,845 It's functioning enough that I am alive 365 00:15:33,985 --> 00:15:35,525 and I can do things with it. 366 00:15:35,945 --> 00:15:37,605 And that is enough for me. 367 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:42,285 Um, so I'm anybody with a larger body, whether, 368 00:15:42,285 --> 00:15:43,525 whether it's just your boobs 369 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,645 or it's other parts of you, we are mostly inundated 370 00:15:46,725 --> 00:15:47,805 with body positivity. 371 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,365 And I think the sentiment 372 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,365 behind body positivity is not an awful one. 373 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,685 I think the goal of it is not an awful one. 374 00:15:54,925 --> 00:15:57,405 I just don't think it's realistic for anybody 375 00:15:57,465 --> 00:16:00,885 who is socialized to be extremely aware of their body 376 00:16:00,885 --> 00:16:02,925 and to find it lacking 377 00:16:02,925 --> 00:16:06,165 because of the societal norms we've been taught. 378 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:08,845 Right? Like, it's, it's just not as easy as going, okay, 379 00:16:08,845 --> 00:16:10,045 well I just love it today. 380 00:16:10,545 --> 00:16:12,925 No, no, no, no, no. And in your, 381 00:16:13,025 --> 00:16:15,085 if you're in your fifties, well, I'm in my forties. 382 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:19,245 We've got decades of the way we've been taught 383 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,005 to view our body to probably undo. 384 00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:22,725 And you may never undo all of it. 385 00:16:22,985 --> 00:16:24,925 So if you can get to the point where you're like, 386 00:16:25,045 --> 00:16:26,645 I just accept that it is what it is, 387 00:16:26,905 --> 00:16:29,845 and hey, my, my partner is really fucking digging 388 00:16:30,735 --> 00:16:32,605 these big boobies here, . 389 00:16:32,785 --> 00:16:37,005 So, you know, lean into that if you can, 390 00:16:37,405 --> 00:16:38,845 assuming they're actually showing their appreciation. 391 00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:43,405 If your partner is not showing appreciation, 392 00:16:44,515 --> 00:16:46,325 then I think it's okay to have that conversation. 393 00:16:46,345 --> 00:16:49,085 If you know your partner loves boobs 394 00:16:49,665 --> 00:16:51,005 and you're not getting a vibe 395 00:16:51,005 --> 00:16:52,885 that they're like super excited about it, 396 00:16:54,355 --> 00:16:57,405 have a conversation sometimes that's not really about you. 397 00:16:57,585 --> 00:17:00,165 Mm-Hmm. , I have absolutely gotten into my head 398 00:17:00,165 --> 00:17:02,725 about my body because j b's libido was down 399 00:17:02,725 --> 00:17:04,125 and he wasn't handsy. 400 00:17:04,125 --> 00:17:05,445 He wasn't like all over me. 401 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,245 But then we have a conversation 402 00:17:07,245 --> 00:17:08,485 and I realize it's not about me. 403 00:17:08,905 --> 00:17:12,085 His his not getting close to me, has nothing to do with me 404 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,925 and everything to do with what he's going through. 405 00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:15,885 Sometimes people don't realize 406 00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:18,565 that they're not showing their exuberance 407 00:17:18,785 --> 00:17:19,965 as much as they once did. 408 00:17:19,985 --> 00:17:21,205 You get comfortable with people, 409 00:17:21,265 --> 00:17:22,645 and so you can be like, Hey, 410 00:17:22,895 --> 00:17:26,645 there was a time you literally made animalistic noises over 411 00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:28,605 my boobs and now you've gone quiet. 412 00:17:28,745 --> 00:17:30,365 Is is something up ? 413 00:17:30,825 --> 00:17:32,285 And it could just be that they, 414 00:17:32,375 --> 00:17:33,645 maybe they thought you didn't like it. 415 00:17:33,695 --> 00:17:36,885 Maybe your partner is aware of your self-consciousness 416 00:17:36,985 --> 00:17:40,285 and they're trying not to like, make you feel weird. 417 00:17:40,985 --> 00:17:42,365 So maybe just have a conversation. 418 00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:45,965 But if your partner is like all up in the tatas, 419 00:17:47,055 --> 00:17:48,605 focus on what that feels like. 420 00:17:48,905 --> 00:17:50,885 Mm-Hmm. as much as you can. 421 00:17:51,025 --> 00:17:54,925 And I think over time it becomes easier 422 00:17:55,145 --> 00:17:57,005 to not worry in the moment 423 00:17:57,255 --> 00:17:58,565 about what you actually look like. 424 00:17:59,065 --> 00:18:03,365 Now that being said, find lingerie that makes you feel sexy 425 00:18:03,545 --> 00:18:07,645 and fierce and like you can just take on the fucking world. 426 00:18:08,085 --> 00:18:10,205 I am here for that shit. Okay. 427 00:18:10,745 --> 00:18:13,485 If I ever get my hands on an actual corset 428 00:18:13,485 --> 00:18:14,885 that makes me look 429 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:18,125 however I might envision in my head, y'all will not be able 430 00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:19,165 to say shit to me. 431 00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:23,445 Okay. , I'll be strutting. Okay. . 432 00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:26,165 So look for lingerie that you think will do that for you. 433 00:18:26,165 --> 00:18:27,925 There's nothing wrong with that either. 434 00:18:28,665 --> 00:18:31,605 Um, was there something else I wanted to say 435 00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:32,725 and I've now forgotten? 436 00:18:33,845 --> 00:18:35,125 Hmm. Yes. Yes. There 437 00:18:35,225 --> 00:18:36,205 - Was . Okay. 438 00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:41,825 - Um, as, as a a, a person who is down 439 00:18:41,825 --> 00:18:45,985 to fuck a a another person with a lot of issues about 440 00:18:45,985 --> 00:18:49,865 how I see myself from your perspective as the partner trying 441 00:18:49,885 --> 00:18:52,745 to like, get busy with the person who's trying 442 00:18:52,745 --> 00:18:54,025 to actively hide her body. 443 00:18:54,125 --> 00:18:56,105 Mm-Hmm. , do you have any thoughts 444 00:18:56,105 --> 00:18:58,225 or opinions, um, or advice? 445 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,185 - I, I honestly don't know. Um, it's hard. Yeah. 446 00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:06,265 I mean, you know, for me it's, it's a matter of 447 00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:09,625 enjoying and, and just giving 448 00:19:09,685 --> 00:19:11,185 and receiving pleasure. Mm-Hmm. 449 00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:13,505 - , I know I can get very wrapped up in 450 00:19:13,505 --> 00:19:15,705 what I look like and then forget 451 00:19:15,765 --> 00:19:17,185 how good something can feel. 452 00:19:17,245 --> 00:19:19,425 Mm-Hmm. and I've tried to do for you. 453 00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:22,145 I think what I want done for me and you do it for me. 454 00:19:22,145 --> 00:19:23,745 We just never have the conversation about it. 455 00:19:24,305 --> 00:19:26,305 I know the parts of your body that you are, 456 00:19:26,885 --> 00:19:28,065 uh, self-conscious about. 457 00:19:28,135 --> 00:19:29,785 Like, we've just been around each other for too long. 458 00:19:30,285 --> 00:19:31,665 So what I like to do, and I like 459 00:19:31,665 --> 00:19:34,425 to make it a conscious effort, so feel free to share this 460 00:19:34,425 --> 00:19:35,505 with your partner so they know 461 00:19:35,505 --> 00:19:36,545 to make this a conscious effort. 462 00:19:36,985 --> 00:19:41,465 I will absolutely lavish a part of your body with 463 00:19:42,095 --> 00:19:43,225 sensation and touch 464 00:19:43,285 --> 00:19:47,505 and affection when I know it's a part that you don't love. 465 00:19:47,505 --> 00:19:49,945 Because I want to remind you that I, 466 00:19:50,425 --> 00:19:51,705 I can't hope that you don't love it. 467 00:19:51,865 --> 00:19:55,545 I like this also, I want it to feel good. Yeah. 468 00:19:55,545 --> 00:19:58,545 Because it's so easy to kind of go, oh, I hate this part 469 00:19:58,545 --> 00:19:59,705 of my body and how it looks 470 00:20:00,085 --> 00:20:03,065 and forget weight when it is touched in the right way. 471 00:20:03,085 --> 00:20:04,545 Mm-Hmm. that shit feels good. 472 00:20:04,565 --> 00:20:06,025 It doesn't matter what it looks like. Yeah. 473 00:20:06,485 --> 00:20:11,225 And you know, if you can wrap your mind 474 00:20:11,225 --> 00:20:13,145 around letting you know, assuming 475 00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,025 what your partner does is enjoyable to you Mm-Hmm. 476 00:20:15,065 --> 00:20:17,625 focusing on what it feels like 477 00:20:17,885 --> 00:20:21,225 and enjoying what it feels like while trying to separate 478 00:20:21,335 --> 00:20:23,305 that from your thoughts about what it looks like. 479 00:20:24,125 --> 00:20:25,465 And I remembered what I was gonna say. 480 00:20:26,045 --> 00:20:27,425 The other thing I would recommend, 481 00:20:27,425 --> 00:20:29,585 and I recommend this for anybody, with anybody image 482 00:20:29,585 --> 00:20:31,945 of issues, is that what part of 483 00:20:31,945 --> 00:20:34,705 what perpetuates those issues and those the thoughts 484 00:20:34,705 --> 00:20:37,985 and feelings we have, is that we are surrounded every day by 485 00:20:37,985 --> 00:20:41,225 what the quote, ideal air quote that real big looks like. 486 00:20:41,445 --> 00:20:45,705 And so then we have to stop looking at the things 487 00:20:45,705 --> 00:20:46,865 that are not serving us. 488 00:20:47,765 --> 00:20:49,565 I, I'm an Instagram girly. 489 00:20:49,565 --> 00:20:51,245 Other people will have other platforms, 490 00:20:51,265 --> 00:20:54,245 but what happens is the algorithm is gonna show you what is, 491 00:20:54,865 --> 00:20:57,205 you know, the ideal, right? 492 00:20:57,205 --> 00:20:59,885 Mm-Hmm. , again, massive air quotes, 493 00:20:59,945 --> 00:21:01,205 or whatever ideal means. 494 00:21:02,105 --> 00:21:06,285 And it, what ends up happening is you start to think that, 495 00:21:06,545 --> 00:21:07,685 you start to see it, you 496 00:21:07,685 --> 00:21:08,725 start to think, well, that's what's normal. 497 00:21:08,825 --> 00:21:10,325 You start to think you're the not normal. 498 00:21:10,465 --> 00:21:12,485 And so now whatever thoughts you've, 499 00:21:12,485 --> 00:21:13,685 and feelings you've already had about your body 500 00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:14,765 are just compounded. 501 00:21:15,265 --> 00:21:17,165 Uh, my recommendation is, and I've done this 502 00:21:17,165 --> 00:21:21,125 before for myself and it really has helped a lot, is I mute 503 00:21:21,265 --> 00:21:23,445 and or block the accounts. 504 00:21:23,525 --> 00:21:25,165 I just really don't need to see 505 00:21:25,165 --> 00:21:27,685 because the, the person hasn't done anything wrong. 506 00:21:27,685 --> 00:21:29,765 Mm-Hmm. . But it's not helpful to me. Right. 507 00:21:29,945 --> 00:21:33,765 And then I have to train the algorithm on whatever app I'm 508 00:21:33,765 --> 00:21:35,325 using for what I'm looking for. 509 00:21:35,385 --> 00:21:36,925 So I have to go look for hashtags 510 00:21:36,925 --> 00:21:39,645 and I have to go look for people that look more like me. 511 00:21:39,705 --> 00:21:42,365 And when I come across content that looks more like me, 512 00:21:42,645 --> 00:21:44,005 I then need to engage with it. 513 00:21:44,005 --> 00:21:45,005 I need to share it, I need 514 00:21:45,005 --> 00:21:46,245 to like it, I need to comment on it. 515 00:21:46,245 --> 00:21:48,525 Mm-Hmm. so that whatever app I'm using goes, 516 00:21:48,585 --> 00:21:50,125 oh, you like this kind. 517 00:21:50,425 --> 00:21:53,685 Now for somebody striving for body neutrality, 518 00:21:54,015 --> 00:21:56,605 which is again, my huge, my personal recommendation, 519 00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,605 you might find with larger bodies, you see a lot 520 00:21:59,605 --> 00:22:00,885 of fitness content 521 00:22:01,195 --> 00:22:04,045 because there are lots of larger people who want to get fit, 522 00:22:04,045 --> 00:22:05,325 whether they're trying to lose weight or not. 523 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,125 You only, you know if that's okay 524 00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:08,565 for your mental health to see as well. 525 00:22:09,065 --> 00:22:11,525 But there are plenty of models 526 00:22:11,985 --> 00:22:16,445 and OF OnlyFans folks and whatever, whatever, whatever. 527 00:22:16,445 --> 00:22:17,645 There is content out there. 528 00:22:17,645 --> 00:22:21,445 They're just larger people just living their fucking lives. 529 00:22:22,105 --> 00:22:23,245 You have to go look for them. 530 00:22:23,785 --> 00:22:25,125 The algorithm is not gonna 531 00:22:25,125 --> 00:22:26,405 serve 'em up on a platter for you. 532 00:22:26,465 --> 00:22:29,245 But once you do and you find people that you connect with 533 00:22:29,245 --> 00:22:30,325 and you're like, oh, oh wow. 534 00:22:30,395 --> 00:22:31,725 Okay, that person looks like me, 535 00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,885 or Oh, I see myself in what they're talking about 536 00:22:33,905 --> 00:22:38,685 or whatever, you know, then you're, you're normalizing 537 00:22:38,785 --> 00:22:40,765 for yourself people who look like you 538 00:22:40,825 --> 00:22:42,405 and you're not the outlier 539 00:22:42,405 --> 00:22:43,965 and you're not the quote only one. 540 00:22:43,965 --> 00:22:47,365 You're never the only one. So I know your question was about 541 00:22:47,365 --> 00:22:51,385 lingerie, but anytime we can help somebody maybe 542 00:22:51,975 --> 00:22:55,425 feel less insecure about a, a part of themselves 543 00:22:55,535 --> 00:22:58,465 that there's not, there's nothing wrong with it in the sense 544 00:22:58,465 --> 00:22:59,585 of, you know, 545 00:22:59,915 --> 00:23:02,625 could there be a physical problem when you're a bigger chest 546 00:23:02,625 --> 00:23:04,905 person that causes back pains, that causes shoulder pains. 547 00:23:04,905 --> 00:23:06,185 That's one thing. That's not what I'm talking about. 548 00:23:06,255 --> 00:23:10,345 There's nothing wrong with not having perky boobies. 549 00:23:10,545 --> 00:23:12,545 I promise you. A person who loves boobies 550 00:23:12,545 --> 00:23:16,705 and likes you, they're not measuring the distance from like 551 00:23:16,705 --> 00:23:18,345 your chin to your areola. 552 00:23:18,375 --> 00:23:21,025 Like, they don't care. They're like, look, there's a boomy. 553 00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:22,785 Mm-Hmm. and they're having a good time. Right. 554 00:23:22,895 --> 00:23:25,345 Yeah. That was my, my long-winded, uh, lecture. 555 00:23:25,515 --> 00:23:30,065 Sorry, there. Um, hopefully that can help somebody. 556 00:23:30,065 --> 00:23:31,785 And yes, if anybody listening 557 00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:34,585 or watching has any lingerie corset 558 00:23:34,585 --> 00:23:36,305 recommendations, share them with us. 559 00:23:36,745 --> 00:23:39,505 I will pass 'em along to the person who asks a question, um, 560 00:23:39,885 --> 00:23:41,185 so they can at least have that too. 561 00:23:41,375 --> 00:23:43,305 Okay. Mm-Hmm. , thanks for listening 562 00:23:43,305 --> 00:23:44,625 to this week's q and a episode. 563 00:23:44,685 --> 00:23:46,445 If you, you want us to answer one of your questions, 564 00:23:46,515 --> 00:23:49,645 just use the contact page on our website@lovingbdsm.net, 565 00:23:49,825 --> 00:23:51,445 or you can find the link in the show notes. 566 00:23:51,825 --> 00:23:54,365 Big thanks as always to our kinky community over on Patreon, 567 00:23:54,495 --> 00:23:56,725 we're able to do this podcast and keep it going 568 00:23:56,725 --> 00:23:58,525 and help Sters due to your support. 569 00:23:58,865 --> 00:24:00,525 If you'd like to be part of our community 570 00:24:00,525 --> 00:24:01,885 and get access to extra content 571 00:24:01,985 --> 00:24:04,205 and a Discord server with a group of super cool, 572 00:24:04,205 --> 00:24:05,805 super nice kinks, you can do that. 573 00:24:05,955 --> 00:24:08,525 Just join us at patreon.com/kayla lords. 574 00:24:08,525 --> 00:24:11,205 That's patreon.com/kayla lords, 575 00:24:11,225 --> 00:24:12,525 or use the link in the show notes.