1 00:00:11,265 --> 00:00:13,845 - You are listening to the Loving BDO podcast, 2 00:00:14,555 --> 00:00:15,685 episode three 90. 3 00:00:16,055 --> 00:00:18,365 Caleb Lawrence here with the web, the only, 4 00:00:19,345 --> 00:00:21,925 the man whose soul dog Lola, 5 00:00:22,425 --> 00:00:24,565 is snoring right next to him. 6 00:00:24,945 --> 00:00:27,285 So loud. The mics are picking it up. 7 00:00:27,555 --> 00:00:28,965 John Brownstone, 8 00:00:29,245 --> 00:00:30,245 - . 9 00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:33,765 - We're sitting here starting the recording process 10 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,565 and there's like, we have a moment of silence 11 00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:39,125 as the recording starts, and she's just like, 12 00:00:40,245 --> 00:00:41,245 - . 13 00:00:44,505 --> 00:00:47,685 - That's our Lola girl. Yep. - Yep. That's our girl. 14 00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:50,365 - She is not, she's the center of our world, 15 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:53,085 but she is not the subject of today's episode. 16 00:00:53,435 --> 00:00:57,085 This week we're talking about an extremely common sentiment 17 00:00:57,135 --> 00:00:58,965 among Sters, uh, something you 18 00:00:58,965 --> 00:01:01,565 and I have each said in the past, right? 19 00:01:01,745 --> 00:01:03,765 Uh, about whether s have all 20 00:01:03,765 --> 00:01:07,085 of the power in a DS relationship or not. 21 00:01:08,275 --> 00:01:09,885 Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. 22 00:01:10,075 --> 00:01:11,645 This is your first time listening. Glad to have you. 23 00:01:11,645 --> 00:01:13,165 If you're back for another week, welcome back. 24 00:01:13,465 --> 00:01:15,405 Loving BDSM is produced every Monday 25 00:01:15,405 --> 00:01:17,325 and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education. 26 00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,965 And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 27 00:01:20,275 --> 00:01:22,005 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast 28 00:01:22,145 --> 00:01:23,525 to your favorite podcast app. 29 00:01:23,705 --> 00:01:27,125 You can also follow the show on FetLife at Loving BDSM PC 30 00:01:27,125 --> 00:01:29,445 that stands for podcast Y'all on Instagram 31 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:30,485 and threads at that handle. 32 00:01:30,645 --> 00:01:35,565 I will forever fucking hate loving Ds and the number one. 33 00:01:35,585 --> 00:01:37,845 So that's at Loving DS one. 34 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,925 Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving 35 00:01:41,315 --> 00:01:42,445 bdsm, where you can watch us live. 36 00:01:42,445 --> 00:01:44,005 Stream the podcast every Wednesday. 37 00:01:44,465 --> 00:01:45,605 All links are in the show notes. 38 00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:48,685 , you worried me there for a second? I worried 39 00:01:48,745 --> 00:01:51,285 - Myself the way things have been going this morning 40 00:01:51,395 --> 00:01:53,325 with the, uh, technology. 41 00:01:54,265 --> 00:01:58,125 Um, you know, it's just, uh, it's fine. 42 00:01:58,475 --> 00:02:01,805 - It's fine. This is fine. It's fine. Okay. 43 00:02:01,865 --> 00:02:04,485 Before we get into the topic 44 00:02:05,095 --> 00:02:07,645 where we can thoroughly piss people off like we do sometimes 45 00:02:07,645 --> 00:02:11,645 with some of our topics, um, just reminding you, 46 00:02:11,645 --> 00:02:14,205 there is still time to register 47 00:02:14,205 --> 00:02:15,805 and get your free ticket 48 00:02:15,945 --> 00:02:18,885 to the Dom Sub Dynamics Virtual Summit 49 00:02:18,935 --> 00:02:20,125 April 8th through 11th. 50 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:21,565 It is completely online. 51 00:02:21,905 --> 00:02:23,685 You can absolutely register for free. 52 00:02:24,035 --> 00:02:25,205 When you register for free. 53 00:02:25,225 --> 00:02:29,085 You get access to each of the online sessions for 24 hours. 54 00:02:29,185 --> 00:02:32,245 So if you can't actually attend on the day of a session 55 00:02:32,265 --> 00:02:34,685 or at the time of a session, you'll have some extra time. 56 00:02:35,265 --> 00:02:37,565 We have a session on punishments and rewards 57 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,885 and like what we hope are practical tips 58 00:02:40,345 --> 00:02:43,085 and information for figuring out the right punishments and 59 00:02:43,085 --> 00:02:45,285 or rewards for your power exchange. 60 00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:50,205 Uh, rah rah who is in our live chat has, uh, a session, 61 00:02:50,715 --> 00:02:54,125 Evie Lupine, uh, so Megatron, ludo, matata, Justin Cross, 62 00:02:54,505 --> 00:02:57,845 all kinds of people, um, doing all kinds of things. 63 00:02:57,985 --> 00:02:59,445 The link is in the places. 64 00:02:59,665 --> 00:03:00,805 If you have not, uh, 65 00:03:00,935 --> 00:03:04,325 heard about it from me umpteen times at this point 66 00:03:04,705 --> 00:03:06,965 and still haven't clicked that link, go click that link 67 00:03:07,025 --> 00:03:08,805 and you can see what the different sessions are. 68 00:03:09,385 --> 00:03:11,965 Um, so it is absolutely free. That is true. 69 00:03:12,545 --> 00:03:13,925 Uh, you can attend for free. 70 00:03:13,925 --> 00:03:15,845 You do not have to have the have money to do this. 71 00:03:15,845 --> 00:03:17,885 However, if you have the budget for it, 72 00:03:17,905 --> 00:03:19,725 you can purchase the VIP pass. 73 00:03:20,305 --> 00:03:22,845 Um, and when you do, you will get extra stuff. 74 00:03:22,845 --> 00:03:25,125 You'll get lifetime access to all the sessions. 75 00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:27,925 So you really can watch and rewatch on your own schedule 76 00:03:28,385 --> 00:03:29,885 and then you'll get extra. 77 00:03:30,285 --> 00:03:31,325 I just kind of call 'em goodies 78 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,485 'cause it's all kinds of different things. 79 00:03:32,945 --> 00:03:34,845 Um, we have contributed to that. 80 00:03:35,085 --> 00:03:38,525 VIP pass, uh, a workbook companion 81 00:03:38,665 --> 00:03:40,845 to our session on punishments and rewards. 82 00:03:41,065 --> 00:03:43,045 So you can take the things we're saying, Hey, 83 00:03:43,065 --> 00:03:44,125 we think you should do this, 84 00:03:44,345 --> 00:03:47,005 and then actually apply them in the 85 00:03:47,005 --> 00:03:48,685 workbook with the worksheets. 86 00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:51,445 Um, you don't have to purchase that in order 87 00:03:51,445 --> 00:03:53,725 to get the value from the summit. 88 00:03:53,985 --> 00:03:55,445 We were all told, we're like, Hey, 89 00:03:55,445 --> 00:03:57,765 if you're providing a session, this better be actionable 90 00:03:57,765 --> 00:04:00,725 shit that people can do when your session's over. 91 00:04:00,825 --> 00:04:02,525 She didn't say it like that. She's a professional. 92 00:04:02,705 --> 00:04:04,645 That's how I think of it. , um, . 93 00:04:05,585 --> 00:04:08,845 So, uh, if you haven't gotten your ticket yet, 94 00:04:08,975 --> 00:04:10,125 don't know what the hell I'm talking about. 95 00:04:10,135 --> 00:04:13,405 Click the link in the places, go check it out, register 96 00:04:13,425 --> 00:04:15,485 for free, go forth, 97 00:04:16,225 --> 00:04:18,525 get your kink education on, is what I'm saying. 98 00:04:20,155 --> 00:04:25,095 Okay. There we go. That was the commercial. Mm-Hmm. 99 00:04:25,135 --> 00:04:29,165 . Um, what else? 100 00:04:29,545 --> 00:04:32,485 Was there anything else? Probably not. No. 101 00:04:32,485 --> 00:04:34,605 That was the only thing. So we're gonna get into this topic, 102 00:04:35,085 --> 00:04:38,365 and I, so you sure about that? 103 00:04:38,685 --> 00:04:41,525 I had the thought of us talking about this uhhuh, which is 104 00:04:41,525 --> 00:04:42,685 for anybody who's like, what the hell? 105 00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:44,845 I didn't look at a title. Uh, we're gonna talk about 106 00:04:44,845 --> 00:04:47,685 that concept that, that I idea, that thought, 107 00:04:47,685 --> 00:04:49,365 that phrase that is said. 108 00:04:49,425 --> 00:04:51,805 And we have said many times in the past, Mm-Hmm. 109 00:04:51,845 --> 00:04:53,485 , this was have all the power. 110 00:04:54,105 --> 00:04:58,125 Um, , I read it in a comment, 111 00:04:58,725 --> 00:05:00,605 I think on something that I, I, 112 00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:03,565 I think I might have posted it to the ker Instagram, 113 00:05:03,905 --> 00:05:07,725 the kry.com is JB shop at the Kry on Instagram. 114 00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:09,085 Anyway, that's beside fine. 115 00:05:09,585 --> 00:05:14,445 Um, and I just kind of like, I I, I cringed y'all. 116 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,725 I cringed and not at the person 117 00:05:16,865 --> 00:05:18,645 and not at their, like, what they were trying 118 00:05:18,645 --> 00:05:19,765 to express, but I cringed. 119 00:05:19,765 --> 00:05:21,245 So then I went to JP and I went, okay, 120 00:05:21,305 --> 00:05:23,565 I'm having thoughts about this very common expression. 121 00:05:24,065 --> 00:05:27,205 And he went, oh, I have thoughts too. And I was like, okay. 122 00:05:27,585 --> 00:05:29,565 And then I was like, what does the internet say? 123 00:05:29,565 --> 00:05:32,485 Which I don't let the internet guide my opinions, 124 00:05:32,485 --> 00:05:34,765 but I do like to be aware of 125 00:05:34,765 --> 00:05:36,005 what the internet thinks about things. 126 00:05:36,365 --> 00:05:39,365 . And I came across a Reddit thread from four 127 00:05:39,975 --> 00:05:42,005 years ago where somebody was talking about 128 00:05:42,005 --> 00:05:43,125 this that changed in history. 129 00:05:43,225 --> 00:05:46,765 It does feel like it. Um, I would love to link 130 00:05:46,765 --> 00:05:47,885 to it in YouTube, 131 00:05:47,945 --> 00:05:51,445 but I don't trust YouTube with A-B-D-S-M anything. 132 00:05:51,625 --> 00:05:53,805 So, uh, it will be linked in the show notes 133 00:05:53,805 --> 00:05:54,805 for podcast listeners. 134 00:05:54,965 --> 00:05:56,245 I will try to come back on Friday 135 00:05:56,265 --> 00:06:00,805 and put the show notes link in the YouTube description 136 00:06:00,805 --> 00:06:03,245 for anybody who wants to go read that thread. 137 00:06:03,305 --> 00:06:05,005 But literally, if you Google, 138 00:06:05,505 --> 00:06:07,725 do submissives have all the power in BDSM. 139 00:06:08,065 --> 00:06:09,565 It was one of the top results. 140 00:06:09,725 --> 00:06:12,285 I I read it as almost always a top result. Hmm. It's there. 141 00:06:12,285 --> 00:06:17,005 You can find it. So, and people had very conflicting 142 00:06:17,005 --> 00:06:19,085 opinions on it four years ago, . 143 00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:21,565 So I say all of that to say 144 00:06:22,275 --> 00:06:24,125 it's a little bit like when we talk about titles 145 00:06:24,125 --> 00:06:28,045 and labels, it is okay if you do not agree with us, 146 00:06:28,345 --> 00:06:30,965 if we are still kind of figuring out what we think. 147 00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:32,485 'cause I don't think we've ever had this 148 00:06:32,485 --> 00:06:34,165 conversation even with one another. 149 00:06:34,345 --> 00:06:38,405 No, we haven't. So this will be an exploration live of kind. 150 00:06:38,655 --> 00:06:40,205 Right. Mm-Hmm. . Um, 151 00:06:40,785 --> 00:06:44,565 but if you see it differently than we do, that's okay. 152 00:06:44,785 --> 00:06:47,485 It it's fine. Me sharing my opinion 153 00:06:47,585 --> 00:06:48,885 and JB sharing his opinion 154 00:06:48,945 --> 00:06:50,565 and it differing from yours does not 155 00:06:50,615 --> 00:06:51,725 invalidate your opinion. 156 00:06:52,265 --> 00:06:53,925 Um, so have your opinion. 157 00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:57,605 My whole thing is when you have an opinion about something 158 00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:01,205 or a strong reaction to somebody else's opinion, I, 159 00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:04,445 I think it's probably good practice to like, in internally 160 00:07:04,965 --> 00:07:06,365 investigate why, why or 161 00:07:06,365 --> 00:07:08,725 to think deeply about why you feel deeply about something. 162 00:07:09,265 --> 00:07:11,605 Not to invalidate it, not to change your mind, 163 00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:13,565 but just to kind of go, yeah, this is why I think this way. 164 00:07:13,905 --> 00:07:16,565 And that's fine. Okay. It's fine. 165 00:07:17,225 --> 00:07:18,525 Uh, I got, I got 166 00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:21,645 so much feedback from the pleasure Dom episode where lots 167 00:07:21,645 --> 00:07:23,205 of people really did not agree with me 168 00:07:23,435 --> 00:07:27,605 that I think I'm trying to like preempt it for this . 169 00:07:28,765 --> 00:07:31,245 I know, I know that won't work, but I'm gonna try anyway. 170 00:07:32,155 --> 00:07:34,565 Okay. So the expression, it comes in one or two ways. 171 00:07:34,565 --> 00:07:36,165 Mm-Hmm. , submissives have all the power 172 00:07:36,235 --> 00:07:38,205 submissives really have all the control. 173 00:07:38,915 --> 00:07:41,685 Some iteration of that. Okay. 174 00:07:42,265 --> 00:07:46,085 Um, we both used to say it wholeheartedly, 175 00:07:46,155 --> 00:07:47,685 like that's what we said. 176 00:07:48,025 --> 00:07:49,605 That's what we believed. Mm-Hmm. . 177 00:07:51,535 --> 00:07:56,215 I, it's not that I don't believe that submissives have power 178 00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:57,615 or control. 179 00:07:59,055 --> 00:08:01,895 I no longer feel the same way about 180 00:08:01,895 --> 00:08:03,095 that phrase as I once did. 181 00:08:03,395 --> 00:08:05,415 And so how do you feel about 182 00:08:05,415 --> 00:08:06,415 - That phrase? 183 00:08:06,415 --> 00:08:08,055 Yeah. Um, there, there was a time 184 00:08:08,615 --> 00:08:10,815 I wholeheartedly believed in it. 185 00:08:10,815 --> 00:08:12,215 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Okay. 186 00:08:13,455 --> 00:08:18,035 And over time, 187 00:08:18,145 --> 00:08:20,235 that has now been changing 188 00:08:20,455 --> 00:08:23,035 and I do not, um, 189 00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:27,635 jump on that bandwagon as easily. 190 00:08:28,095 --> 00:08:29,995 - It doesn't feel right anymore. 191 00:08:30,065 --> 00:08:32,875 Like there's, it leaves out so much nuance. Mm-Hmm. 192 00:08:32,915 --> 00:08:36,035 . And it is like an incomplete thought that, 193 00:08:36,175 --> 00:08:38,035 and when I, when I hear it, when I see it, 194 00:08:38,075 --> 00:08:41,235 I just kinda go, okay, . Yeah. 195 00:08:41,705 --> 00:08:45,235 - Well, you know, and when I first came into the lifestyle, 196 00:08:45,335 --> 00:08:46,675 and I, and I heard that 197 00:08:47,575 --> 00:08:50,155 and I was like, yeah, okay, that makes a lot of sense. 198 00:08:50,335 --> 00:08:54,035 You know, that it's up to the submissive, whether they want 199 00:08:54,035 --> 00:08:56,125 to, you know, submit. 200 00:08:56,545 --> 00:08:58,365 Um, it's up to them. 201 00:08:58,635 --> 00:09:01,645 They, you know, if they want to consent to anything, 202 00:09:01,645 --> 00:09:04,405 they can, you know, withdraw consent at any time. 203 00:09:04,475 --> 00:09:07,805 They can safe word at any point. So, you know. Yeah. 204 00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,925 I pretty much, you know, I was like, yeah, that, 205 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,485 that sounds about right. 206 00:09:12,865 --> 00:09:15,365 Mm-Hmm. . But, um, now 207 00:09:16,915 --> 00:09:20,205 many years later, that thought 208 00:09:20,595 --> 00:09:23,245 process has, has shifted. Mm-Hmm. 209 00:09:23,285 --> 00:09:26,205 - it doesn't feel like a complete thought when 210 00:09:26,245 --> 00:09:27,805 I, when I hear it or read it anymore, 211 00:09:27,805 --> 00:09:31,965 because it's like the whole point of power exchange. 212 00:09:32,665 --> 00:09:34,365 The exchange of power. Mm-Hmm. 213 00:09:34,405 --> 00:09:37,165 is that both sides 214 00:09:37,305 --> 00:09:39,765 of the slash have some level of control 215 00:09:39,865 --> 00:09:41,325 and some level of power. 216 00:09:41,825 --> 00:09:43,765 Now, when I first heard it, 217 00:09:43,825 --> 00:09:46,325 and I, I will not speak for all submissives 218 00:09:46,325 --> 00:09:48,525 to find comfort in this or, or agree with this, 219 00:09:48,545 --> 00:09:52,445 but I know, especially looking back, understanding 220 00:09:52,445 --> 00:09:56,325 what I understand today, when I first heard that, read it, 221 00:09:56,605 --> 00:09:59,965 whatever was told that it was a huge source of comfort. 222 00:10:00,115 --> 00:10:05,045 Because as much as I sort of, I didn't have a lot of like, 223 00:10:05,215 --> 00:10:07,485 weird feelings about figuring out I was submissive, 224 00:10:07,595 --> 00:10:08,925 there's still fear there. 225 00:10:09,045 --> 00:10:11,085 Mm-Hmm. , like as a submissive who doesn't know 226 00:10:11,085 --> 00:10:13,045 what the fuck's going on and what you're doing yet, and who, 227 00:10:13,345 --> 00:10:16,725 and, and if you've heard, uh, any horror stories, 228 00:10:16,725 --> 00:10:20,685 there's this, oh, oh my gosh, I'm giving up control 229 00:10:20,685 --> 00:10:21,885 to this other human being. 230 00:10:21,945 --> 00:10:23,725 I'm letting them have power over me. 231 00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,525 Am I going to make myself a victim that way? 232 00:10:26,545 --> 00:10:29,565 Am I putting myself in harm's way and let us be real? 233 00:10:30,345 --> 00:10:33,125 You can do that in any relationship, type in any flavor. 234 00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:37,165 Mm-Hmm. , we certainly, um, hear the, the 235 00:10:38,065 --> 00:10:39,885 horror stories from submissives 236 00:10:39,885 --> 00:10:41,365 who have found themselves in that situation. 237 00:10:41,385 --> 00:10:44,445 And so I always sort of saw it as a comforting thing 238 00:10:44,465 --> 00:10:46,845 as a reminder that mm-Hmm, , 239 00:10:47,045 --> 00:10:50,725 I have more control of this situation than I think I do. 240 00:10:51,465 --> 00:10:53,045 Um, and it was a source of comfort. 241 00:10:53,265 --> 00:10:55,725 And I'm, I have no doubt you can go back 242 00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,205 to the first few years of the podcast 243 00:10:57,385 --> 00:10:59,645 and we've, we probably said it a few times Mm-Hmm. 244 00:10:59,685 --> 00:11:02,725 as a way, I think to remind submissives 245 00:11:02,725 --> 00:11:07,175 that they are not, um, they do not lack power. 246 00:11:07,175 --> 00:11:08,295 They do not lack control. 247 00:11:08,295 --> 00:11:10,655 This is in their control to a certain extent, 248 00:11:11,595 --> 00:11:13,775 but it just doesn't serve anymore 249 00:11:13,775 --> 00:11:16,335 because it leaves it, the implication 250 00:11:16,335 --> 00:11:18,095 of submissives have all of the power. 251 00:11:18,195 --> 00:11:19,855 Mm-Hmm. then becomes, you know, 252 00:11:20,565 --> 00:11:22,655 semicolon dominance have none of the power. 253 00:11:22,955 --> 00:11:25,935 And then what even is the point if doms have no 254 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:26,935 - Power? 255 00:11:26,935 --> 00:11:30,295 And, and that what you just said right there is, is now 256 00:11:30,915 --> 00:11:34,375 the whole thinking behind how inaccurate 257 00:11:34,445 --> 00:11:36,095 that statement really is. 258 00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,535 Mm-Hmm. , because several people now said it 259 00:11:38,535 --> 00:11:42,135 in, in the, in the, um, live chat. 260 00:11:42,955 --> 00:11:44,935 It is a power exchange. 261 00:11:45,025 --> 00:11:46,095 - Right. Both people have power. 262 00:11:46,275 --> 00:11:48,615 - If, if one person has all the power, 263 00:11:48,845 --> 00:11:49,845 - Then it's not an - Exchange. 264 00:11:49,925 --> 00:11:52,415 It's not an exchange, it's an imbalance. Right. 265 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:54,885 For it to work the way it is meant 266 00:11:54,885 --> 00:11:57,845 to work in a power exchange, both people have 267 00:11:57,845 --> 00:11:59,405 to have equally have power. 268 00:12:00,065 --> 00:12:02,285 - Yes. And the other thing is, is, 269 00:12:02,285 --> 00:12:03,925 and then rah rah points this out in the live chat, 270 00:12:03,925 --> 00:12:04,965 and this is completely true. 271 00:12:05,155 --> 00:12:06,245 It's a reminder that, oh, 272 00:12:06,245 --> 00:12:08,125 the submissive can withdraw consent at any point. 273 00:12:08,545 --> 00:12:10,805 The submissive can can safe word, 274 00:12:10,825 --> 00:12:12,285 the submissive can stop everything. 275 00:12:12,335 --> 00:12:16,205 Right. And, and I think that especially newer submissives 276 00:12:16,205 --> 00:12:18,285 and certainly newer doms need to be reminded of that 277 00:12:18,415 --> 00:12:20,445 until they like internalize that, I guess. 278 00:12:20,985 --> 00:12:22,645 But it also leaves out the, 279 00:12:22,745 --> 00:12:24,605 but doms can already do that as well. 280 00:12:24,865 --> 00:12:27,405 That's the whole part of, part of consent 281 00:12:27,405 --> 00:12:28,805 and the exchange in it. 282 00:12:28,805 --> 00:12:31,645 Is that right? What a submissive can do, a dom can do 283 00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:33,525 in the relationship part. 284 00:12:33,575 --> 00:12:34,605 Maybe not in the roles 285 00:12:35,035 --> 00:12:36,525 what a dom can do, a submissive can do. 286 00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:38,445 - 'cause I, I have just as much Right. 287 00:12:39,065 --> 00:12:42,925 To consent or withdraw consent Right. As anybody. 288 00:12:43,405 --> 00:12:46,885 - Absolutely. Absolutely. And I, you know, it's one 289 00:12:46,885 --> 00:12:51,685 of those things that I think that when a person new to kink 290 00:12:51,685 --> 00:12:53,965 or not thinks about it for just a little bit, you go, well, 291 00:12:54,105 --> 00:12:56,445 of course the dom can withdraw consent. 292 00:12:56,685 --> 00:12:59,405 I think it's a little bit of this idea that people don't 293 00:13:00,015 --> 00:13:02,565 think the dom will ever need a reminder of that. 294 00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:03,685 Mm-Hmm. . And 295 00:13:03,685 --> 00:13:05,725 to an extent I kind of agree with that. 296 00:13:06,345 --> 00:13:08,445 Are there situations where Dom gets caught up 297 00:13:08,445 --> 00:13:10,845 and kind of thinks that they have to keep going along to 298 00:13:11,365 --> 00:13:12,405 preserve the relationship or 299 00:13:12,565 --> 00:13:13,725 whatever, whatever of, of course. 300 00:13:14,385 --> 00:13:18,085 But in general, because the dom typically controls the 301 00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:20,805 scene, controls the moment, it's, I think like 302 00:13:20,905 --> 00:13:22,925 for most people quote a air quote a given 303 00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:24,725 that if they don't want it to continue, 304 00:13:24,725 --> 00:13:26,085 it just won't continue. 305 00:13:26,625 --> 00:13:30,205 But doms are people you, you're humans. 306 00:13:30,585 --> 00:13:33,285 And there have absolutely been times where 307 00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:35,205 you've gone a little farther. 308 00:13:35,865 --> 00:13:37,525 Not in terms of limits and boundaries, 309 00:13:37,545 --> 00:13:38,725 but like, I think there are times 310 00:13:38,725 --> 00:13:41,895 that you would have stopped if left completely 311 00:13:41,895 --> 00:13:45,095 to your own devices and you were like thinking rationally, 312 00:13:45,155 --> 00:13:46,615 but you wanted me 313 00:13:46,615 --> 00:13:48,575 to have the pleasure, have the moment, whatever. 314 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,215 And not in a harmful way, 315 00:13:51,355 --> 00:13:54,175 but you've absolutely like gone a little bit longer 316 00:13:54,675 --> 00:13:56,935 and not just immediately withdrawing your consent 317 00:13:57,095 --> 00:13:58,375 'cause you're the dom and you can do what you want 318 00:13:58,375 --> 00:14:01,255 because you wanted me to have a thing I wanted, you know? 319 00:14:01,255 --> 00:14:02,375 Mm-Hmm. . That's, I think a 320 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,615 very human thing as well. 321 00:14:04,675 --> 00:14:08,935 So, you know, it's not that every dom is like a robot 322 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,855 and the moment they're like done, it all stops. 323 00:14:11,855 --> 00:14:13,255 And so they don't need the reminder 324 00:14:13,255 --> 00:14:14,775 that they can withdraw their consent. 325 00:14:15,065 --> 00:14:17,575 Quite frankly, we spend a lot of time reminding folks 326 00:14:17,575 --> 00:14:19,295 that doms get to have safe words too. 327 00:14:19,395 --> 00:14:22,015 Mm-Hmm. . Does a dom use a safe word 328 00:14:22,115 --> 00:14:23,375 as often as a submissive? 329 00:14:23,465 --> 00:14:24,535 Maybe not. Probably. 330 00:14:24,555 --> 00:14:26,935 No, because again, if you're in control of the scene, 331 00:14:26,955 --> 00:14:28,135 you can stop the scene. 332 00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:30,095 Right. Just 'cause you decide to stop. 333 00:14:30,315 --> 00:14:33,055 But there are times when in, 334 00:14:33,285 --> 00:14:35,695 when you're both engaged in an activity Mm-Hmm. 335 00:14:35,735 --> 00:14:37,695 , the stopping of it, the thing 336 00:14:37,695 --> 00:14:39,655 that causes everything to stop is the safe 337 00:14:39,655 --> 00:14:41,055 word, regardless of who it comes from. 338 00:14:41,055 --> 00:14:42,175 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . So the 339 00:14:42,175 --> 00:14:44,295 extension of, well, subs have all the power 340 00:14:44,295 --> 00:14:45,615 because they can withdraw consent 341 00:14:45,615 --> 00:14:46,735 and they can use their safe word. 342 00:14:46,735 --> 00:14:49,975 Right. It when you say that, you as the general, you, 343 00:14:50,035 --> 00:14:51,055 not you specifically. 344 00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:53,775 Mm-Hmm. , when that is said, it, 345 00:14:53,795 --> 00:14:56,815 it in a weird way implies the dom doesn't have any of that. 346 00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:59,615 And that is one of my Yeah. Problems to 347 00:14:59,615 --> 00:15:00,615 - Think with it. 348 00:15:00,615 --> 00:15:03,535 I, I, I have stopped our scenes a number of times. Mm-Hmm. 349 00:15:03,575 --> 00:15:04,855 . Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. , when I, I did 350 00:15:04,855 --> 00:15:09,515 not get a response from you like I should have. 351 00:15:09,815 --> 00:15:10,955 Mm-Hmm. . Alright. 352 00:15:11,335 --> 00:15:15,915 So, you know, um, did I actually use a safe word? 353 00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:17,635 No. I just stopped the scene. 354 00:15:17,635 --> 00:15:18,835 - Right. You observed the control 355 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,275 that I already had to just make it 356 00:15:20,275 --> 00:15:21,275 - Stop. 357 00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:22,115 Right. So, you know, and, 358 00:15:22,215 --> 00:15:25,595 and have I used a safe word between us a couple a few times. 359 00:15:25,775 --> 00:15:28,715 Yes, sure. You know, but, you know, yeah. 360 00:15:28,915 --> 00:15:30,755 I, if I see something 361 00:15:31,145 --> 00:15:35,195 that is not right, I'm gonna call the scene. Sure, 362 00:15:35,825 --> 00:15:36,825 - Sure. 363 00:15:36,825 --> 00:15:39,355 - You know, re regardless. So, you know, yeah. 364 00:15:39,365 --> 00:15:44,355 There, there is definitely an equal balance of power 365 00:15:45,055 --> 00:15:46,055 - In that sense. 366 00:15:46,055 --> 00:15:47,075 Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. 367 00:15:47,635 --> 00:15:48,995 I think I had a thought 368 00:15:48,995 --> 00:15:51,555 and it just sounded to flitter away holy 369 00:15:51,555 --> 00:15:52,595 - Shit, it when that happens. 370 00:15:52,855 --> 00:15:54,915 - Uh, yeah. Yeah. , same . 371 00:15:55,415 --> 00:15:59,155 Um, so I think that that expression is a source 372 00:15:59,155 --> 00:16:00,595 of comfort for new submissives. 373 00:16:00,595 --> 00:16:01,795 Mm-Hmm. , ah, this is the thing, 374 00:16:01,945 --> 00:16:03,035 this is the thing I was thinking. 375 00:16:03,115 --> 00:16:07,475 I think it, it sugarcoats a thing, 376 00:16:07,615 --> 00:16:08,995 or maybe it doesn't sugarcoat. 377 00:16:08,995 --> 00:16:12,795 Maybe it, it says a thing that I, there are people out there 378 00:16:12,795 --> 00:16:14,955 with that would go, that is fundamentally untrue. 379 00:16:14,955 --> 00:16:16,715 And here's what I mean real quick. 380 00:16:17,395 --> 00:16:19,675 Consider this a content warning for a very brief mention 381 00:16:19,695 --> 00:16:21,115 of the idea of abuse. 382 00:16:21,905 --> 00:16:23,955 Skip ahead by five minutes if, or, 383 00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:26,875 or mute for a few minutes, or whatever you gotta do if that. 384 00:16:26,875 --> 00:16:30,955 You don't wanna hear that. Let us be fucking for real. Okay. 385 00:16:31,735 --> 00:16:33,795 Uh, in an abusive situation. Mm-Hmm. 386 00:16:33,835 --> 00:16:36,595 , a submissive can call their safe word 387 00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:38,515 and withdraw their consent and nothing's gonna all 388 00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:39,555 the fuck all they fucking want. 389 00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,275 - Right. And it's not gonna stop anything. 390 00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:42,395 - And if that motherfucker's abusive, 391 00:16:42,425 --> 00:16:44,235 they're not listening, they don't give a fuck. 392 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,835 Mm-Hmm. . So at that point, 393 00:16:46,035 --> 00:16:50,075 a human being in an abusive situation like loses control 394 00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,995 and power because the other person's not respecting it. 395 00:16:52,215 --> 00:16:54,115 You have power, whether you're the dom 396 00:16:54,115 --> 00:16:55,675 and you're in this power exchange, 397 00:16:55,935 --> 00:16:58,115 or you are submissive who can withdraw their consent 398 00:16:58,295 --> 00:16:59,995 and say for it out and stop everything. 399 00:17:00,215 --> 00:17:01,915 You have that control and power 400 00:17:01,915 --> 00:17:04,715 because the other person respects your humanity 401 00:17:05,095 --> 00:17:06,915 and respects your consent. 402 00:17:07,185 --> 00:17:08,835 It's the only reason you fucking have it. 403 00:17:09,335 --> 00:17:10,995 So there's a part of me, 404 00:17:10,995 --> 00:17:14,475 and I would not want to completely eradicate this line 405 00:17:14,475 --> 00:17:15,515 of thinking for this, 406 00:17:15,575 --> 00:17:18,595 but I think that it, it, it's one of those things 407 00:17:18,595 --> 00:17:21,515 that it's a little naive sometimes 408 00:17:21,515 --> 00:17:25,035 because the very, you know, real 409 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:28,715 thing is that doms and subs alike, 410 00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:32,715 but we often talk to, uh, to submissives about red flags. 411 00:17:32,715 --> 00:17:34,115 Mm-Hmm. Submissives can find themselves 412 00:17:34,115 --> 00:17:35,155 in an abusive situation. 413 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,515 And because of the power that Dom has taken 414 00:17:37,935 --> 00:17:40,755 or they've granted and tried to withdraw, 415 00:17:40,775 --> 00:17:43,115 but the person's not listening, you know, 416 00:17:43,185 --> 00:17:45,315 some seriously bad fucking shit can happen. 417 00:17:45,415 --> 00:17:48,555 And I'm pretty sure a person who's found themselves in 418 00:17:48,555 --> 00:17:51,045 that situation did not feel like they actually had power, 419 00:17:51,305 --> 00:17:53,405 or that their power was being respected. 420 00:17:53,785 --> 00:17:55,725 And if a person does, is abusive 421 00:17:56,585 --> 00:17:58,485 and isn't gonna respect it anyway, 422 00:17:59,035 --> 00:18:00,885 then it's a meaningless statement. 423 00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:03,685 You know, you have power because the other person, 424 00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:06,925 and I don't care if we're talking about power exchange, 425 00:18:06,975 --> 00:18:08,845 we're talking about consent. 426 00:18:09,065 --> 00:18:11,325 You have that because the other person respects that. 427 00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:13,605 Should all people respect that 428 00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:15,645 of fucking course, they should. 429 00:18:16,675 --> 00:18:17,725 Most people do. 430 00:18:18,025 --> 00:18:20,845 It doesn't take that many to fuck it up for all of us. 431 00:18:21,105 --> 00:18:25,085 And so you have to be aware that, you know, it's sort 432 00:18:25,085 --> 00:18:28,445 of like, and to a lesser extent, maybe, maybe maybe 433 00:18:28,465 --> 00:18:32,845 to the same extent, I still don't like to call abusive 434 00:18:33,355 --> 00:18:34,365 doms doms. 435 00:18:34,365 --> 00:18:35,805 Right. To me, they're air quote doms. 436 00:18:35,965 --> 00:18:38,965 'cause that's not what I would consider a real dom. 437 00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:42,765 However, I have absolutely lurked on enough conversations 438 00:18:43,465 --> 00:18:45,605 in community spaces where people are like, 439 00:18:46,315 --> 00:18:47,685 they are dominance. 440 00:18:47,715 --> 00:18:49,525 They negotiated a power exchange 441 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,845 and then they abused their power. 442 00:18:50,845 --> 00:18:54,125 They're abusive. So when we say that's not a real dom work, 443 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,085 you know, people have made the point. 444 00:18:57,085 --> 00:19:00,125 And I, I can see that point where you're erasing the fact 445 00:19:00,125 --> 00:19:02,325 that no, no, no, these these people are 446 00:19:02,845 --> 00:19:06,205 engaging in power change badly criminally. 447 00:19:06,475 --> 00:19:09,125 Yeah. So instead of saying, oh, those aren't doms, 448 00:19:09,125 --> 00:19:10,405 those are abusers, they're abusive. 449 00:19:10,755 --> 00:19:11,965 Doms is what they are. Mm-Hmm. . 450 00:19:11,965 --> 00:19:13,405 And those people exist. Right. 451 00:19:13,405 --> 00:19:15,005 And I, you know, I don't want, 452 00:19:15,365 --> 00:19:16,925 I don't want everybody walking around scared, 453 00:19:17,345 --> 00:19:19,365 but I do think we have to have our eyes wide open. 454 00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:22,685 I mean, we've just spent too many episodes, 455 00:19:22,785 --> 00:19:26,805 too much content, too much time talking about red flags 456 00:19:27,865 --> 00:19:29,205 of doms specifically 457 00:19:29,355 --> 00:19:33,765 because a red flag carrying Dom becomes an abusive dom 458 00:19:33,835 --> 00:19:35,925 sometimes with almost no thought 459 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,365 and without even lifting a fucking finger 460 00:19:37,515 --> 00:19:39,285 because of the power exchange. 461 00:19:39,425 --> 00:19:42,605 Mm-Hmm. and I just submissives have more power 462 00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:43,765 and control than they realize. 463 00:19:43,925 --> 00:19:45,365 I think that is the statement. 464 00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:48,405 But to say, well, you have all the power and control. 465 00:19:48,585 --> 00:19:50,965 I'm like, talk to somebody who's been in, in the, 466 00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:53,085 the violent situation, in the scary situation. 467 00:19:53,755 --> 00:19:55,695 Pretty sure that's not what they were feeling at the moment. 468 00:19:55,935 --> 00:19:57,055 I don't wanna speak for anybody, 469 00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:02,265 but, you know, it's a blanket statement with no nuance. 470 00:20:02,325 --> 00:20:04,785 And that's my problem with the statement. Hmm. 471 00:20:05,335 --> 00:20:07,265 That ultimately is my problem with the 472 00:20:07,265 --> 00:20:08,265 - Statement. 473 00:20:08,265 --> 00:20:10,505 Yeah. And, and I think, you know, a a lot 474 00:20:10,505 --> 00:20:14,065 of things are slowly coming that way, 475 00:20:15,245 --> 00:20:18,665 you know, that they don't, uh, cover the nuance. 476 00:20:18,725 --> 00:20:20,105 And I, I absolutely agree. 477 00:20:20,605 --> 00:20:23,545 Um, you know, it, it was mentioned in, in, 478 00:20:23,605 --> 00:20:25,945 in the chat earlier on, and, and this is, 479 00:20:25,945 --> 00:20:29,105 and it makes absolutely sense, same, same way as, um, 480 00:20:29,845 --> 00:20:31,665 you know, when I first came into lifestyle, 481 00:20:31,775 --> 00:20:33,345 safe, sane, consensual. Sure. 482 00:20:33,445 --> 00:20:35,905 - And you and I still kind of use that, but we Mm-Hmm. 483 00:20:35,945 --> 00:20:37,545 , we add nuance to it. 484 00:20:37,725 --> 00:20:40,385 We use it amongst each other as shorthand. Mm-Hmm. 485 00:20:40,425 --> 00:20:43,465 . But we do not tell people anymore 486 00:20:44,295 --> 00:20:45,385 safe saying consensual. 487 00:20:45,415 --> 00:20:47,885 Yeah. We add the nuance to it. Yeah. You know, 488 00:20:48,225 --> 00:20:52,165 - So, you know, e even even that has kind of, you know, 489 00:20:52,745 --> 00:20:54,565 phased out, so to speak. 490 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:57,085 - It's phasing. I think it's, this is actively happening 491 00:20:57,085 --> 00:20:58,845 because quite frankly, there will always be people 492 00:20:58,845 --> 00:21:00,365 who either are not online enough 493 00:21:00,825 --> 00:21:02,805 or who are doing their own thing at home 494 00:21:02,865 --> 00:21:05,445 and not going to com out in the community a lot, 495 00:21:05,745 --> 00:21:08,485 who they learned it a certain way 20, 30 years ago, 496 00:21:08,625 --> 00:21:10,285 and they'll just keep doing it that way 497 00:21:10,975 --> 00:21:13,125 until they're gone from this earthly plane. 498 00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:18,005 Right. So it's, it's a, it's happening actively, 499 00:21:18,725 --> 00:21:22,565 I think online, the people who are engaging in 500 00:21:23,445 --> 00:21:25,165 BDSM discussion and Mm-Hmm. 501 00:21:25,205 --> 00:21:26,765 the life and whatever they want 502 00:21:26,765 --> 00:21:28,925 to in good faith, those people online, 503 00:21:29,435 --> 00:21:30,485 it's phasing out there. 504 00:21:30,925 --> 00:21:32,365 I think community wise, 505 00:21:32,365 --> 00:21:34,205 it depends on the community, it depends on how Sure. 506 00:21:34,625 --> 00:21:37,645 Um, how much new information comes into that community. 507 00:21:37,645 --> 00:21:38,565 Mm-Hmm. , how much new blood 508 00:21:38,565 --> 00:21:39,525 comes into that community. 509 00:21:39,825 --> 00:21:43,685 We have absolutely gone to community events where you at, 510 00:21:43,705 --> 00:21:45,965 in your early sixties, you're like, well, shit, 511 00:21:46,165 --> 00:21:47,605 I just brought the average age 512 00:21:47,605 --> 00:21:49,405 of this room down by a few years. 513 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:50,965 those folks 514 00:21:51,105 --> 00:21:53,885 and see older people can absolutely, like, change 515 00:21:53,885 --> 00:21:55,525 with the times and learn new shit. 516 00:21:55,865 --> 00:21:57,885 But have y'all ever been kink or 517 00:21:57,885 --> 00:21:59,725 otherwise in a group of older people 518 00:21:59,825 --> 00:22:01,485 who were not about changing? 519 00:22:01,875 --> 00:22:03,885 Yeah. You feel it, like, it doesn't take long. 520 00:22:03,885 --> 00:22:07,085 You have one conversation and you're like, uh oh, okay. 521 00:22:07,175 --> 00:22:11,845 We're you're still in like the 1980s. Okay. Okay. . 522 00:22:12,475 --> 00:22:16,325 - Okay. - Sure. Um, and so I, you know, yeah. 523 00:22:16,325 --> 00:22:18,125 I don't, I don't wanna Pollyanna 524 00:22:18,125 --> 00:22:20,445 and gloss over the fact that while yes, 525 00:22:20,445 --> 00:22:22,605 these things are changing Mm-Hmm. 526 00:22:22,645 --> 00:22:23,925 , there are plenty of people 527 00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:25,085 who hadn't gotten there yet. 528 00:22:25,235 --> 00:22:26,325 - True. True, true, - True. 529 00:22:26,425 --> 00:22:27,605 And so you still hear these things 530 00:22:27,625 --> 00:22:30,205 and they're still gonna crop up and Mm-Hmm. 531 00:22:30,245 --> 00:22:31,965 , you know, I think it's good to kind of know 532 00:22:31,965 --> 00:22:33,365 where people come from, but also, 533 00:22:34,185 --> 00:22:39,165 - And, and I think the, the difficult part in this too, um, 534 00:22:39,905 --> 00:22:41,765 you know, whether it, it's, it's safe 535 00:22:41,785 --> 00:22:44,645 and consensual, whether it's risk aware, consensual, kink, 536 00:22:44,645 --> 00:22:46,325 you know, talking about rack or, 537 00:22:46,385 --> 00:22:51,005 or any of those, you know, no matter what you use, 538 00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,605 you know, even to say submissive, 539 00:22:53,605 --> 00:22:55,245 hold all the power, you know? 540 00:22:55,705 --> 00:22:58,725 No. No matter how you title it, there's always, 541 00:22:58,745 --> 00:23:00,245 you're never going to be able 542 00:23:00,265 --> 00:23:02,805 to encompass all the nuance of everything. Of 543 00:23:02,805 --> 00:23:03,805 - Course not. 544 00:23:03,805 --> 00:23:05,885 Of course not. No, no, I agree. 545 00:23:06,305 --> 00:23:09,245 - So, you know, that that is something that's difficult too. 546 00:23:09,545 --> 00:23:10,845 - And I, I think that's where, 547 00:23:11,505 --> 00:23:14,005 but I think, I think there's a balance, right? 548 00:23:14,065 --> 00:23:15,925 Mm-Hmm. , I think a blanket statement like 549 00:23:15,925 --> 00:23:17,085 submissives have all the power, 550 00:23:17,585 --> 00:23:20,445 if it provides somebody comfort in their early days 551 00:23:20,445 --> 00:23:23,245 of submission to know, wait, I'm not powerless here. 552 00:23:23,825 --> 00:23:25,765 Do you have control? Yeah. 553 00:23:26,065 --> 00:23:29,005 I'm not, I'm not gonna like say it should never be said ever 554 00:23:29,005 --> 00:23:30,245 again if it provides that. 555 00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:32,845 I just think that the conversation shouldn't end there. 556 00:23:33,465 --> 00:23:35,565 But we live in an online world 557 00:23:35,565 --> 00:23:36,925 where people read the headline. 558 00:23:37,035 --> 00:23:39,445 They don't even read the subhead, let alone the article. 559 00:23:39,625 --> 00:23:40,685 You know what I mean? True, true, true. 560 00:23:40,785 --> 00:23:42,325 So it's like, okay, if I, 561 00:23:42,465 --> 00:23:44,725 but I can add three words to that, 562 00:23:44,775 --> 00:23:46,485 maybe not three I haven't counted Mm-Hmm. 563 00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:47,685 and make it more 564 00:23:47,685 --> 00:23:49,045 nuanced and make it mean something. 565 00:23:49,315 --> 00:23:50,685 Submissives have the power 566 00:23:50,785 --> 00:23:53,485 to revoke their consent at any point. 567 00:23:53,915 --> 00:23:55,725 That was more than three words, but you know what I mean. 568 00:23:55,925 --> 00:23:58,245 , like, you shifted a little bit. Mm-Hmm. 569 00:23:58,285 --> 00:24:00,045 . And it's still not all of the nuance. 570 00:24:00,265 --> 00:24:01,605 Of course not. But it is 571 00:24:01,635 --> 00:24:04,805 what we mean when we say submissives have all the power. 572 00:24:05,365 --> 00:24:07,245 I think most of us mean if somebody means something 573 00:24:07,245 --> 00:24:08,645 different, I'm gonna need you to share. 574 00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:11,805 Because everything I've read, I, everybody goes back to, 575 00:24:11,805 --> 00:24:12,965 well, submissives can decide 576 00:24:12,965 --> 00:24:14,205 that they're not gonna do this anymore. 577 00:24:14,475 --> 00:24:15,525 Submissives are the ones 578 00:24:15,525 --> 00:24:17,405 that grant the other person control. 579 00:24:17,405 --> 00:24:19,565 And I used to say that too, and it's true, 580 00:24:20,225 --> 00:24:22,845 but the dom consents to take the control. 581 00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:25,045 How many times have we told somebody, 582 00:24:25,105 --> 00:24:27,845 you can't make somebody dumb you who doesn't wanna dumb you? 583 00:24:27,845 --> 00:24:32,445 That's . So grant that submission all you like, 584 00:24:32,505 --> 00:24:34,125 but if they don't take it in their 585 00:24:34,125 --> 00:24:35,245 - Hands, you can lead a horse to 586 00:24:35,245 --> 00:24:36,365 water and you can't make 'em drink. 587 00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:38,365 Right. You can lead a dominant to a submissive, 588 00:24:38,365 --> 00:24:39,925 but you can't make 'em dumb. If they don't 589 00:24:39,925 --> 00:24:41,285 - Wanna do it, they're not gonna do it. 590 00:24:41,435 --> 00:24:44,885 Just like the, again, newbie subs need to be reminded. 591 00:24:44,885 --> 00:24:47,525 Sometimes if you don't wanna submit to that person, 592 00:24:47,705 --> 00:24:50,565 you don't have to, you know, it's, it goes back 593 00:24:50,565 --> 00:24:52,805 to all the conversations we have to have about, you know, 594 00:24:52,945 --> 00:24:54,445 I'm a sub, not your sub. 595 00:24:54,515 --> 00:24:58,405 Like, look, big D want to b fucking doms. 596 00:24:58,405 --> 00:25:00,805 Don't walk into a space online or in person 597 00:25:01,345 --> 00:25:03,405 and expect a submissive to bow down to you 598 00:25:03,405 --> 00:25:05,045 because you call yourself a dom. 599 00:25:05,045 --> 00:25:06,605 That's not how this works. Right? Yeah. 600 00:25:06,665 --> 00:25:10,365 So if that works there, it works in reverse. Yeah. 601 00:25:11,255 --> 00:25:13,325 - Right. Yeah. 602 00:25:15,285 --> 00:25:19,725 - I just, I, and I feel bad that that a phrase 603 00:25:19,835 --> 00:25:22,405 that meant something to me years ago, 604 00:25:22,625 --> 00:25:25,525 and that I know even to this day means something to people. 605 00:25:25,895 --> 00:25:27,245 Every time I hear it 606 00:25:27,265 --> 00:25:30,285 or every time I read it, I just, I just, it's a cringe. 607 00:25:30,285 --> 00:25:32,525 It's like, no, that's not quite right. 608 00:25:33,225 --> 00:25:37,405 - And see that, that to me shows an element 609 00:25:38,145 --> 00:25:43,045 of growth, um, an element of having 610 00:25:43,675 --> 00:25:44,725 learned Mm-Hmm. 611 00:25:44,765 --> 00:25:49,605 and continuing to learn as, as you grow in, 612 00:25:49,705 --> 00:25:54,245 in the lifestyle and, you know, are open to new things. 613 00:25:57,255 --> 00:26:00,315 You know, it, it gets me sometimes when 614 00:26:02,835 --> 00:26:05,715 I hear people, well, you know, that's not how it used to be. 615 00:26:05,785 --> 00:26:08,235 This is how it would, you know, there, 616 00:26:08,235 --> 00:26:09,955 there was a time in in lifestyle, 617 00:26:09,955 --> 00:26:11,075 this is how things were done. 618 00:26:11,175 --> 00:26:14,155 And, and, and, you know, we didn't deviate from that. 619 00:26:16,105 --> 00:26:17,115 Yeah. Okay, good. 620 00:26:17,135 --> 00:26:19,195 But you know, what, where is the, um, 621 00:26:20,305 --> 00:26:21,675 where's growth coming from? 622 00:26:21,935 --> 00:26:25,315 If everything stayed the same, it, it, 623 00:26:25,425 --> 00:26:28,995 it's gonna be stagnant and eventually it's just going to, 624 00:26:29,655 --> 00:26:34,075 and, you know, go the way the dinosaur, everything is fluid 625 00:26:34,215 --> 00:26:35,555 and it is going to change 626 00:26:35,575 --> 00:26:38,715 and evolve with each new generation that enters in. 627 00:26:38,935 --> 00:26:41,515 - And here's the thing, when things stay the same 628 00:26:41,535 --> 00:26:42,955 and do not change and evolve, 629 00:26:43,385 --> 00:26:45,925 it usually benefits some power structure. 630 00:26:46,275 --> 00:26:51,085 Yeah. It benefits the type of dom who, who, who is 631 00:26:51,185 --> 00:26:55,365 of that thought school of thought, where I say it, 632 00:26:55,725 --> 00:26:56,845 I get it, I want it. 633 00:26:56,845 --> 00:26:57,885 Mm-Hmm. it is given to me. 634 00:26:58,625 --> 00:27:01,285 We, I think most of us recognize that outside 635 00:27:01,445 --> 00:27:04,085 of very narrowly negotiated power exchanges, 636 00:27:04,085 --> 00:27:05,485 where both partners understand 637 00:27:05,485 --> 00:27:06,645 what the fuck they're getting into 638 00:27:06,945 --> 00:27:09,525 and they have mechanisms to get out of it. 639 00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:11,005 Mm-Hmm. that in general, that line 640 00:27:11,005 --> 00:27:12,285 of thinking is usually just toxic. 641 00:27:12,395 --> 00:27:13,485 It's an abusive power. 642 00:27:13,745 --> 00:27:15,645 But there was absolutely a fucking time. 643 00:27:15,825 --> 00:27:17,485 And there are definitely still people out 644 00:27:17,485 --> 00:27:18,525 there who follow that. 645 00:27:18,865 --> 00:27:21,965 And that's the thing, the moment we actually start 646 00:27:22,475 --> 00:27:24,045 talking about and remind, 647 00:27:24,045 --> 00:27:26,445 and we've been doing this for years, this is not new Mm-Hmm. 648 00:27:26,485 --> 00:27:28,765 talking about, Hey, don't, you know, 649 00:27:28,765 --> 00:27:31,085 have a lot more power than you're acting like they do 650 00:27:31,865 --> 00:27:33,165 the power structures that be 651 00:27:33,165 --> 00:27:35,525 that benefit from a submissive thinking that they just have 652 00:27:35,525 --> 00:27:39,005 to do whatever they're, you know, Dom tells 'em to Mm-Hmm. 653 00:27:39,045 --> 00:27:40,445 , they're the ones that are losing out, 654 00:27:40,445 --> 00:27:42,605 because what if those submissives would not fucking 655 00:27:42,605 --> 00:27:43,725 choose to follow them? 656 00:27:44,025 --> 00:27:45,885 You know what I mean? Right. Like, I think it's, 657 00:27:46,005 --> 00:27:48,085 I I don't think that's a huge part of it. 658 00:27:48,205 --> 00:27:50,445 I think that's a very small nuance there. 659 00:27:50,565 --> 00:27:53,765 A subtlety that does not, you know, 660 00:27:53,785 --> 00:27:55,285 is not impactful to everybody. 661 00:27:55,785 --> 00:27:59,165 But every time I think about the people in the world to go, 662 00:27:59,285 --> 00:28:01,005 I want things to go back to the way they were. 663 00:28:01,145 --> 00:28:05,085 I'm like, do you , do you wanna go back 664 00:28:05,145 --> 00:28:07,405 to a time when, you know, 665 00:28:07,555 --> 00:28:09,725 certain people didn't have all the rights 666 00:28:09,725 --> 00:28:10,765 that they even do now? 667 00:28:10,835 --> 00:28:13,805 Yeah. Like, it's, it's almost always when somebody says, 668 00:28:14,465 --> 00:28:15,725 you know, these things shouldn't change. 669 00:28:15,785 --> 00:28:17,485 We should go back to the old way of doing it. 670 00:28:17,515 --> 00:28:21,685 There's always a, a, a, somebody who benefits from that 671 00:28:21,905 --> 00:28:25,085 and they don't think they benefit from the new way. 672 00:28:25,085 --> 00:28:27,605 They think they've lost power in some way when 673 00:28:27,605 --> 00:28:30,445 what they've got is that people are like, actually no, I get 674 00:28:30,445 --> 00:28:32,765 to tell you to fuck off is what I get to do. 675 00:28:33,165 --> 00:28:34,165 . You know what I mean? 676 00:28:36,195 --> 00:28:39,125 - . - So I'm just, I'm pointing that out there. 677 00:28:39,395 --> 00:28:41,725 - Yeah. Yeah. So, 678 00:28:46,065 --> 00:28:47,125 so I don't know. 679 00:28:47,235 --> 00:28:51,445 It's, um, you know, it's, it's interesting, 680 00:28:51,945 --> 00:28:53,605 - You know, and you know what, here's, 681 00:28:53,605 --> 00:28:56,485 here's another thing I'm, I'm thinking about why this. 682 00:28:56,645 --> 00:28:59,605 I, I don't, I won't close so far to say it gives me the ick, 683 00:28:59,745 --> 00:29:01,085 but it's close to give the 684 00:29:01,085 --> 00:29:02,325 expression, it's close to giving me the 685 00:29:02,485 --> 00:29:02,885 - Ick. Okay. 686 00:29:03,625 --> 00:29:06,525 - It sounds like a truism. - Mm. 687 00:29:07,435 --> 00:29:10,765 - It's not quite one true way unless you dig your heels in 688 00:29:10,765 --> 00:29:12,245 and go, oh, no, that's always true. 689 00:29:12,305 --> 00:29:14,485 And I won't even entertain your 690 00:29:14,485 --> 00:29:15,925 objections to the expression. 691 00:29:16,625 --> 00:29:18,925 It sounds like it's a truism that's like supposed 692 00:29:18,925 --> 00:29:20,525 to be a blanket thing, right? 693 00:29:20,585 --> 00:29:22,765 Mm-Hmm. , nothing in kink is a blanket thing 694 00:29:22,765 --> 00:29:23,965 other than fucking consent 695 00:29:24,145 --> 00:29:26,045 and the need for communication, right? Like, 696 00:29:26,635 --> 00:29:29,205 - Well, you, you, you have your, your, your foundation, 697 00:29:29,345 --> 00:29:30,645 you know, which is consent. 698 00:29:31,755 --> 00:29:35,165 Consent, you know, trust, 699 00:29:35,395 --> 00:29:38,995 respect and communication. 700 00:29:39,065 --> 00:29:40,515 That is your, that is your 701 00:29:40,515 --> 00:29:41,685 - Foundation for kink 702 00:29:41,825 --> 00:29:44,125 or any relationship really be it should be, 703 00:29:44,125 --> 00:29:45,325 should be, should be. 704 00:29:46,825 --> 00:29:48,285 But that's my point. When you go, well, 705 00:29:48,285 --> 00:29:49,445 submissives have all of the power. 706 00:29:49,465 --> 00:29:51,285 Not only have we taken the new ones out. Mm-Hmm. 707 00:29:51,325 --> 00:29:54,205 , it's a de declaration. 708 00:29:54,255 --> 00:29:55,605 There was a way I wanted to say that 709 00:29:55,605 --> 00:29:56,605 and was gonna come out wrong, , 710 00:29:56,605 --> 00:29:59,725 it's a declaration of what is supposedly true 711 00:29:59,925 --> 00:30:01,565 that everybody just knows is true. 712 00:30:02,355 --> 00:30:05,565 That is like skirting the line of one true way. Mm-Hmm. 713 00:30:05,605 --> 00:30:06,685 , it's not quite there 714 00:30:06,685 --> 00:30:09,765 because it's not saying, you know, you have 715 00:30:09,765 --> 00:30:11,725 to believe this like you the submissive, 716 00:30:12,065 --> 00:30:13,885 but it, it's like right on that line for me. 717 00:30:13,885 --> 00:30:17,845 And that's, that is not, I'm, I'm just not a fan. 718 00:30:17,845 --> 00:30:20,445 Once we like suck all the nuance out of a thing 719 00:30:20,555 --> 00:30:23,485 because very little in life follows the 720 00:30:23,555 --> 00:30:25,165 declarative statement, . 721 00:30:25,165 --> 00:30:26,365 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . 722 00:30:27,025 --> 00:30:28,805 It just doesn't work that way. Yeah. 723 00:30:29,025 --> 00:30:31,445 Now I do, I'm gonna go back to the thing I said at the top. 724 00:30:32,035 --> 00:30:36,125 That statement has given a lot of people comfort. 725 00:30:36,915 --> 00:30:40,405 Sure. That they are not powerless. Mm-Hmm. . 726 00:30:40,405 --> 00:30:42,725 And for even doms that they're not abusing someone. 727 00:30:42,905 --> 00:30:46,205 And the thing is, is early days in your kink life, 728 00:30:47,185 --> 00:30:49,085 if you are having those worries, oh my God, 729 00:30:49,085 --> 00:30:50,405 as a dom, am I abusing this person? 730 00:30:50,425 --> 00:30:51,845 Oh my God, is this submissive? Am I 731 00:30:52,485 --> 00:30:53,885 allowing myself to be abused? 732 00:30:53,885 --> 00:30:58,365 Right. In a consensual relationship, if, if you need 733 00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:01,725 a sort of no nuance blanket statement 734 00:31:01,745 --> 00:31:03,845 to feel more comfortable about what you're doing, 735 00:31:04,445 --> 00:31:07,325 I would not necessarily take that away from somebody 736 00:31:07,325 --> 00:31:09,405 because those fears will hold people back. 737 00:31:09,985 --> 00:31:14,605 But it's, it's sort of the, is sort 738 00:31:14,605 --> 00:31:15,845 of like when you're learning to read, 739 00:31:15,865 --> 00:31:17,485 you just see big letters everywhere. 740 00:31:17,585 --> 00:31:19,005 The big A and then you learn 741 00:31:19,005 --> 00:31:21,365 that actually an A can have like 85 sounds or something. 742 00:31:21,365 --> 00:31:25,085 Right? Like it's at the more you learn, um, 743 00:31:25,265 --> 00:31:26,885 the more nuanced you can add to it. 744 00:31:26,995 --> 00:31:28,525 It's just, I think it's one of those things 745 00:31:28,525 --> 00:31:30,325 where people hear it 746 00:31:30,385 --> 00:31:32,925 and it gets said often at the beginning 747 00:31:32,925 --> 00:31:34,005 of somebody's kink journey. 748 00:31:34,105 --> 00:31:36,165 And then nobody ever goes back and is like, 749 00:31:36,225 --> 00:31:39,405 but actually , uh, now that you don't need 750 00:31:39,405 --> 00:31:40,405 that comfort anymore. 751 00:31:40,925 --> 00:31:43,245 , let's talk about this a little bit. 752 00:31:43,505 --> 00:31:47,165 You know? Yeah. You know, I, 753 00:31:47,405 --> 00:31:51,045 'cause in the years since we've been not doing kink, 754 00:31:51,065 --> 00:31:54,245 but doing the podcast, I've seen things change 755 00:31:54,305 --> 00:31:57,965 and I just don't spend enough time on online kink spaces 756 00:31:58,065 --> 00:31:59,285 to see these changes firsthand. 757 00:31:59,305 --> 00:32:02,165 So if a change trickles down to me, it's a pretty, 758 00:32:02,265 --> 00:32:03,485 to me, a pretty massive change. 759 00:32:03,505 --> 00:32:05,365 Mm-Hmm. . And one of those things is 760 00:32:06,155 --> 00:32:08,205 talking about, you know, 761 00:32:08,265 --> 00:32:10,845 not treating a dom like a kink dispenser. 762 00:32:11,985 --> 00:32:15,605 And quite frankly, the first conversations I ever saw about 763 00:32:15,605 --> 00:32:18,085 that were female led relationships. 764 00:32:18,105 --> 00:32:19,965 Mm-Hmm. with female doms being 765 00:32:19,995 --> 00:32:21,485 treated like kink dispensers. 766 00:32:21,725 --> 00:32:25,325 'cause typically a male sub would just rock up 767 00:32:25,325 --> 00:32:26,965 and be like, here's my list of demands. 768 00:32:27,025 --> 00:32:30,725 You know? And that's where I saw the conversation start, 769 00:32:31,175 --> 00:32:32,485 which makes complete sense to me. 770 00:32:32,485 --> 00:32:33,925 And then I've seen it evolve over time. 771 00:32:34,365 --> 00:32:35,525 'cause it happens to all people 772 00:32:35,585 --> 00:32:37,405 of all genders who happen to be dumb. 773 00:32:37,405 --> 00:32:40,565 There will be somebody who's like, oh, I want you to dom me, 774 00:32:40,585 --> 00:32:42,445 but here I don't care what you want. 775 00:32:42,445 --> 00:32:43,565 Here's what I want. Right. Here's, 776 00:32:43,565 --> 00:32:45,405 - Here's my list of, uh, requirements. Yeah. 777 00:32:45,425 --> 00:32:50,205 - And this, you know, maybe it's only obvious 778 00:32:50,225 --> 00:32:51,885 to me, I hope somebody's following my train 779 00:32:51,885 --> 00:32:52,925 of thought and can see the connections. 780 00:32:53,175 --> 00:32:55,525 These two things are kind of related to me. 781 00:32:55,945 --> 00:32:59,125 The more we go, Hey, wait, Adam Dom is not a kink dispenser. 782 00:32:59,125 --> 00:33:01,525 Right. Just like we have, we've spent all of our time 783 00:33:01,525 --> 00:33:04,485 and all these years warning submissives away from the abuse 784 00:33:04,485 --> 00:33:06,405 of doms here, look for these red flags. 785 00:33:06,665 --> 00:33:08,285 Run, get the fuck out when you see this 786 00:33:08,305 --> 00:33:09,325 or when this happens, whatever. 787 00:33:09,325 --> 00:33:10,565 Mm-Hmm. . That's not, that's not 788 00:33:10,565 --> 00:33:12,365 how dominance is supposed to be, but Right. 789 00:33:12,635 --> 00:33:16,165 There's also, you know, so then a statement like, 790 00:33:16,235 --> 00:33:18,245 submissives have all the power can offer comfort, 791 00:33:18,625 --> 00:33:21,045 but what a statement like submissives have all the power 792 00:33:21,395 --> 00:33:23,045 miss is Well, if you have all the power, 793 00:33:23,045 --> 00:33:25,165 then now your dom is just a kink dispenser. 794 00:33:25,315 --> 00:33:26,845 Yeah. That is all they are. Mm-Hmm. . 795 00:33:26,845 --> 00:33:28,765 And that, and that's not right either. That's 796 00:33:28,765 --> 00:33:29,445 - Not right either. No, 797 00:33:29,635 --> 00:33:30,635 - Exactly. 798 00:33:30,635 --> 00:33:31,885 And I think that's the other thing. When you make a 799 00:33:31,885 --> 00:33:34,885 declarative statement like that, it's like, okay, 800 00:33:34,885 --> 00:33:38,325 well let's, let's take this to its logical conclusion. 801 00:33:38,465 --> 00:33:41,325 If this point A is true, what does 802 00:33:41,325 --> 00:33:43,605 that mean about point B, C, D, D? 803 00:33:43,885 --> 00:33:46,485 - 'cause I, I, I am not a Pez dispenser. 804 00:33:47,005 --> 00:33:48,445 - I mean, I could, I could find 805 00:33:48,445 --> 00:33:49,965 that sexy if you like to . 806 00:33:51,525 --> 00:33:54,845 I mean, I, I know, I know which button to push to. Oh. 807 00:33:55,185 --> 00:33:56,885 To get the treat to come out. Oh 808 00:33:57,005 --> 00:33:58,005 - Goodness. 809 00:33:58,005 --> 00:33:59,765 - Okay. . I'm here for that. 810 00:33:59,925 --> 00:34:01,685 I don't like role play, but 811 00:34:02,555 --> 00:34:04,325 hope some dip it in sugar. 812 00:34:04,685 --> 00:34:08,485 I I will, I will treat it like a, a PEs dispenser . 813 00:34:10,155 --> 00:34:11,485 That is completely off topic. 814 00:34:11,825 --> 00:34:14,445 But we've been getting our fuckery on for the past few days. 815 00:34:14,585 --> 00:34:19,245 So, sorry. I'm, I'm an adult grown ass woman with a, it's 816 00:34:19,245 --> 00:34:20,245 - All in books you're reading. 817 00:34:20,635 --> 00:34:25,365 - Yeah. Oversexed, uh, 18-year-old and my head. 818 00:34:25,375 --> 00:34:26,485 Sorry. . 819 00:34:30,025 --> 00:34:31,485 So, yeah. 820 00:34:31,705 --> 00:34:35,845 And, you know, in the, the live chat, uh, on YouTube. 821 00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:37,445 Mm-Hmm. rah rah especially 822 00:34:37,565 --> 00:34:38,725 'cause Rah started out going, 823 00:34:38,805 --> 00:34:40,365 I have thoughts about this statement as well. 824 00:34:41,415 --> 00:34:44,245 She's been pointing out other blanket statements that Sure. 825 00:34:44,705 --> 00:34:46,085 You know, are just not true as well. 826 00:34:46,105 --> 00:34:48,645 And one that kind of in a weird way 827 00:34:49,505 --> 00:34:52,045 is like the other side of the coin 828 00:34:52,045 --> 00:34:53,285 of submissives have all the powers. 829 00:34:53,285 --> 00:34:56,005 Mm-Hmm. submission is a gift. Yeah. 830 00:34:56,185 --> 00:34:58,845 And I actually have not paid any attention to the discourse 831 00:34:58,845 --> 00:35:01,205 of, well, if it's a gift, you can't take gifts back. 832 00:35:01,445 --> 00:35:05,365 I get that thinking. But in and, and why that? Is it a gift? 833 00:35:05,525 --> 00:35:09,325 I don't know. Is my submission my gift to you? 834 00:35:09,325 --> 00:35:11,845 Because I give it to you? Mm-Hmm. 835 00:35:11,885 --> 00:35:13,765 it feels like a gift 836 00:35:13,765 --> 00:35:16,045 because it makes me, I think a better human being. 837 00:35:16,145 --> 00:35:18,085 It makes our relationship something. 838 00:35:18,085 --> 00:35:19,085 It couldn't be without it. 839 00:35:19,485 --> 00:35:21,165 - Ergo then my dominance would be a gift to 840 00:35:21,165 --> 00:35:22,165 - You. 841 00:35:22,165 --> 00:35:22,725 And that's the thing that gets left out. 842 00:35:22,745 --> 00:35:26,765 But also, if missiles have all power, then 843 00:35:26,825 --> 00:35:28,085 how is submission a gift? 844 00:35:28,775 --> 00:35:30,365 Right. Yeah. I'm not giving you anything. 845 00:35:30,445 --> 00:35:31,965 I have all the power. I've taken all the power. 846 00:35:32,105 --> 00:35:33,485 So what the fuck am I giving you? 847 00:35:34,925 --> 00:35:37,245 I mean, permission to look upon my presence. 848 00:35:37,605 --> 00:35:40,405 I just feel like that's not very submissive of me. . 849 00:35:40,905 --> 00:35:44,005 No. And that's personal opinion. 850 00:35:44,235 --> 00:35:47,165 That don't make me feel submissive at all. Okay. 851 00:35:47,405 --> 00:35:51,125 does the sassy part of me kind 852 00:35:51,125 --> 00:35:52,525 of like find that humor? 853 00:35:52,675 --> 00:35:54,605 Sure. But the submissive part of me is not, 854 00:35:54,905 --> 00:35:58,125 I'm not getting any of those buttons hit at all. 855 00:35:58,645 --> 00:36:00,005 . I'm saying . 856 00:36:00,465 --> 00:36:04,885 Um, but it also feels like they're incongruent. 857 00:36:05,305 --> 00:36:07,885 You know? But that's where we come back to truisms. 858 00:36:08,165 --> 00:36:10,205 'cause they don't have nuance. And people will absolutely 859 00:36:10,305 --> 00:36:12,925 say, on the one hand, submiss have all the power 860 00:36:12,945 --> 00:36:14,365 and then go, but submission as a gift, 861 00:36:15,215 --> 00:36:16,565 which is it picked Mm-Hmm. 862 00:36:16,605 --> 00:36:18,125 . Because those don't go together. 863 00:36:18,795 --> 00:36:21,125 - Yeah. - And then, like you said, 864 00:36:21,985 --> 00:36:23,525 why do we say submission is a gift, 865 00:36:23,525 --> 00:36:25,845 but dominance isn't, they're both gifts to each other. 866 00:36:26,145 --> 00:36:27,845 We can revoke them. So I guess in 867 00:36:27,845 --> 00:36:28,965 the literal sense, they're gifts. 868 00:36:29,015 --> 00:36:31,005 Right. But I have taken a gift back. 869 00:36:31,005 --> 00:36:32,205 If you don't use it well 870 00:36:32,205 --> 00:36:34,205 and you hide it in your closet, give it back to me. 871 00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:35,725 It's fine. Okay. . 872 00:36:36,065 --> 00:36:38,525 Now that could just be my neuro spicy bitchiness. 873 00:36:38,525 --> 00:36:41,005 Like, I just don't see the point. Right. , 874 00:36:41,425 --> 00:36:43,165 - That's, that's a Scorpio bitch of 875 00:36:43,165 --> 00:36:44,165 - Hell talking. 876 00:36:44,845 --> 00:36:47,205 I mean, I get, I get the thinking behind weight. 877 00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:50,245 If this is what a gift is, then you know, you don't, 878 00:36:50,265 --> 00:36:53,325 you don't take away gift, treat it badly. 879 00:36:53,395 --> 00:36:55,525 Hide it in the closet. I'll take it back. It's fine. 880 00:36:56,075 --> 00:36:59,165 It's, you think I have not taken a gift back. I'm so sorry. 881 00:36:59,825 --> 00:37:00,885 You must be new here. 882 00:37:01,065 --> 00:37:03,165 And you haven't been paying attention, . 883 00:37:05,065 --> 00:37:06,725 But I, I do get the thinking. 884 00:37:06,745 --> 00:37:08,605 I'm not, I'm not trying to play down the thinking 885 00:37:08,605 --> 00:37:09,645 of Yeah, yeah. 886 00:37:09,785 --> 00:37:12,165 You know, to say submission is a gift implies 887 00:37:12,165 --> 00:37:14,005 that it cannot be taken back. 888 00:37:14,005 --> 00:37:15,365 And so therefore that implies 889 00:37:15,365 --> 00:37:16,645 that you cannot withdraw consent. 890 00:37:16,645 --> 00:37:18,165 And of course you can, you can. Yeah. 891 00:37:18,525 --> 00:37:21,125 I just find, I, I'm just fascinated by how mm-Hmm. 892 00:37:21,165 --> 00:37:23,625 , it's a gift. But also you have all the power. 893 00:37:23,945 --> 00:37:27,585 I, I feel like, I feel like 894 00:37:27,585 --> 00:37:29,225 that's an identity crisis waiting 895 00:37:29,485 --> 00:37:30,785 to happen. . Oh God. 896 00:37:31,615 --> 00:37:32,625 - Yeah. Yeah, 897 00:37:33,015 --> 00:37:34,015 - Yeah. 898 00:37:34,885 --> 00:37:36,745 And uh, Cody says in live chat, dominance 899 00:37:36,745 --> 00:37:37,745 and submission are privileges. 900 00:37:37,845 --> 00:37:39,385 And that is, that is a fact. I 901 00:37:39,465 --> 00:37:41,345 - I think that is closer to - It. 902 00:37:41,665 --> 00:37:44,185 'cause nobody is owed, you are not owed my submission. 903 00:37:44,185 --> 00:37:45,705 I'm not owed your dominance. 904 00:37:47,085 --> 00:37:48,745 - You earn it from you earn it, you earn each other other, 905 00:37:48,745 --> 00:37:51,385 it's not something you say, oh, I'm a dominant, 906 00:37:51,545 --> 00:37:52,745 I deserve your submission. 907 00:37:52,775 --> 00:37:54,705 - Believe me, there are those who there put that way. 908 00:37:54,855 --> 00:37:58,385 They, they ly doesn't they fucking suck. doesn't, 909 00:37:58,575 --> 00:38:00,265 - Doesn't mean it's Right. True. 910 00:38:00,705 --> 00:38:01,785 - I I just, I like to point that out 911 00:38:01,785 --> 00:38:04,825 because it shouldn't be that way. 912 00:38:04,965 --> 00:38:06,025 But those people exist 913 00:38:06,285 --> 00:38:07,625 and then what happens is a little, 914 00:38:07,685 --> 00:38:09,145 little baby sub finds them 915 00:38:09,145 --> 00:38:11,025 and it's like, is this what dominance is? 916 00:38:11,055 --> 00:38:13,825 Yeah. I mean, sadly sometimes, 917 00:38:13,925 --> 00:38:16,305 but that doesn't make it good power exchange. 918 00:38:16,365 --> 00:38:18,105 It doesn't make it healthy power exchange. 919 00:38:19,225 --> 00:38:21,945 I mean, you know, 920 00:38:22,045 --> 00:38:24,425 and when you have that a do with that kind of attitude, 921 00:38:24,605 --> 00:38:26,705 let me go to that, that little subbie, do you, 922 00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:28,145 you feel like you have all the power in 923 00:38:28,145 --> 00:38:30,925 that situation? Probably not. No. 924 00:38:31,085 --> 00:38:32,325 - I mean, not at all. Right. 925 00:38:33,105 --> 00:38:34,725 And, and again, you know, it's like, 926 00:38:35,195 --> 00:38:36,405 it's like anything else. 927 00:38:39,175 --> 00:38:41,325 There has to be balance. Mm-Hmm. 928 00:38:41,365 --> 00:38:43,005 - . And it's a constant, like, 929 00:38:43,365 --> 00:38:45,725 I don't wanna say struggle, but it's a constant 930 00:38:45,725 --> 00:38:46,805 push and pull to find the balance. 931 00:38:46,915 --> 00:38:50,245 Sure. 'cause some days I need you 932 00:38:50,245 --> 00:38:52,165 to be more dominant Mm-Hmm. 933 00:38:52,205 --> 00:38:54,085 and take more control. 934 00:38:54,305 --> 00:38:58,645 And some days you're like, actually I, I've got a base level 935 00:38:58,645 --> 00:39:00,005 of dominance you're gonna get Mm-Hmm. 936 00:39:00,045 --> 00:39:01,165 . But I, you know what I mean? Yeah. 937 00:39:01,165 --> 00:39:03,245 And sometimes you need me to be more submissive 938 00:39:03,245 --> 00:39:05,085 and sometimes I'm like, I love you so much, 939 00:39:05,565 --> 00:39:07,245 - , - But also Mm-Hmm. 940 00:39:07,705 --> 00:39:09,405 You know, and it's not about not wanting 941 00:39:09,405 --> 00:39:11,125 to be in the power exchange, or they're not being a 942 00:39:11,125 --> 00:39:12,325 power exchange or not Mm-Hmm. 943 00:39:12,365 --> 00:39:13,885 , you know, caring about each other. 944 00:39:14,075 --> 00:39:16,925 It's about what you have to give. 945 00:39:17,105 --> 00:39:19,045 It goes back to the episode where we were talking about, 946 00:39:19,265 --> 00:39:20,765 you know, our relationship's really 947 00:39:20,765 --> 00:39:21,965 50 50 or whatever, whatever. 948 00:39:22,035 --> 00:39:24,405 It's that it's that kind of natural push and 949 00:39:24,515 --> 00:39:25,515 - Pull. 950 00:39:25,515 --> 00:39:27,285 Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. And I mean, it's not, not even 951 00:39:27,285 --> 00:39:30,285 that sometimes, you know, there, there are days, 952 00:39:32,485 --> 00:39:34,865 you know, I may be able to give 80%. 953 00:39:34,995 --> 00:39:39,385 Right. You know, then there are days I may only have 30% 954 00:39:39,445 --> 00:39:42,625 to give you, you know, it, it's never Sure. 955 00:39:42,925 --> 00:39:45,065 - And just, and we kind of touched on it in that episode, 956 00:39:45,065 --> 00:39:46,265 but a lot of people say it a lot now 957 00:39:46,265 --> 00:39:49,705 and they said it during that episode, if all you have is 30% 958 00:39:49,725 --> 00:39:52,145 and you give 30%, you gave your a hundred percent. 959 00:39:52,145 --> 00:39:52,985 Mm-Hmm. a hundred percent 960 00:39:52,985 --> 00:39:53,785 just didn't look the same. 961 00:39:53,785 --> 00:39:55,385 Right. As did the day before. Yeah. 962 00:39:56,045 --> 00:39:59,465 So I feel like we've gotten really off track. 963 00:40:00,305 --> 00:40:02,385 I really feel like I needed this episode 964 00:40:02,965 --> 00:40:05,185 to have a good 20 minutes to just bitch about 965 00:40:05,185 --> 00:40:06,465 that expression. 966 00:40:06,905 --> 00:40:11,345 . I not like a genuinely angry rep, 967 00:40:11,345 --> 00:40:13,705 because again, I think that 968 00:40:13,975 --> 00:40:17,705 that expression comes from a well-meaning place. 969 00:40:17,895 --> 00:40:19,305 Yeah. I think 970 00:40:19,695 --> 00:40:23,265 that it has absolutely been useful in providing comfort 971 00:40:23,325 --> 00:40:25,585 to people who need it, who worry about 972 00:40:25,585 --> 00:40:26,665 what the fuck they're doing. 973 00:40:26,745 --> 00:40:27,665 Mm-Hmm. . Because we all 974 00:40:27,665 --> 00:40:28,745 have to start from somewhere. 975 00:40:28,925 --> 00:40:32,865 And when you start with the basics of something, 90% 976 00:40:32,865 --> 00:40:34,105 of the time there's no fucking nuance. 977 00:40:34,105 --> 00:40:36,585 There's no details. It's just, I need, I need to kind 978 00:40:36,585 --> 00:40:38,865 of get my arms around what the fuck this means. 979 00:40:39,685 --> 00:40:40,905 And if Dom 980 00:40:40,905 --> 00:40:43,345 or sub is worried about, oh my God, what does it mean 981 00:40:43,345 --> 00:40:44,345 that I'm submitting? 982 00:40:44,345 --> 00:40:45,585 What am I getting myself into? 983 00:40:45,585 --> 00:40:47,905 What kind of danger am I walking into? 984 00:40:47,925 --> 00:40:49,705 Am I, you know, causing harm? 985 00:40:49,805 --> 00:40:51,585 Or am I putting myself in harm's way? Mm-Hmm. 986 00:40:51,625 --> 00:40:54,385 having the, the comfort 987 00:40:55,205 --> 00:40:58,625 of a simple statement like that can be the thing 988 00:40:58,625 --> 00:41:00,105 that allows a person to move forward. 989 00:41:00,385 --> 00:41:02,425 I just think we can't stay there. 990 00:41:02,725 --> 00:41:07,705 And I think there just needs to be more conversation beyond 991 00:41:07,705 --> 00:41:08,705 - That. 992 00:41:08,705 --> 00:41:12,065 That is no different than coming into the lifestyle 993 00:41:12,165 --> 00:41:16,385 as a new person and saying, 994 00:41:16,935 --> 00:41:21,825 okay, um, this title fits me and that title fits me 995 00:41:21,825 --> 00:41:23,065 and that explains who I am. 996 00:41:23,365 --> 00:41:24,385 And then four 997 00:41:24,385 --> 00:41:28,265 or five years down the road in the lifestyle, oh wait, none 998 00:41:28,265 --> 00:41:30,305 of these titles work for me anymore. 999 00:41:31,125 --> 00:41:32,825 I'm simply a person 1000 00:41:32,845 --> 00:41:33,845 - In a power exchange. 1001 00:41:34,055 --> 00:41:37,085 Right. You know, or I'm not this label, 1002 00:41:37,265 --> 00:41:38,525 but this label fits better. 1003 00:41:38,625 --> 00:41:41,365 Or that thing that I thought I would never want to try, 1004 00:41:41,365 --> 00:41:42,685 never wanna do, never let near me. 1005 00:41:42,685 --> 00:41:44,205 Oh. mm-Hmm. Actually, right. 1006 00:41:44,315 --> 00:41:46,405 It's this thing that I, I feel Dr. Mm-Hmm. 1007 00:41:46,405 --> 00:41:48,245 You know, drawn to. And that's part of it 1008 00:41:48,245 --> 00:41:50,365 because you, in the early stages, 1009 00:41:50,505 --> 00:41:52,725 you learn the basics of the basics. 1010 00:41:52,785 --> 00:41:55,045 You, you barely know anything, 1011 00:41:55,045 --> 00:41:56,125 but you know enough to move forward. 1012 00:41:56,345 --> 00:41:58,365 And that's all you need is enough to move forward, 1013 00:41:58,365 --> 00:42:00,685 hopefully in a risk aware way. 1014 00:42:00,835 --> 00:42:03,245 Yeah. Um, and it's, as you grow 1015 00:42:03,245 --> 00:42:05,205 and learn that then you can take on the nuance. 1016 00:42:05,635 --> 00:42:07,285 What, and this is a human thing. 1017 00:42:07,285 --> 00:42:08,525 This is not just a kink thing, 1018 00:42:08,805 --> 00:42:10,405 although we, we see it a lot in kink. 1019 00:42:10,405 --> 00:42:11,845 It's 'cause it's a humanity thing. 1020 00:42:12,245 --> 00:42:15,165 holding onto those truisms 1021 00:42:15,465 --> 00:42:18,285 as if there is always a black and white answer, a yes 1022 00:42:18,285 --> 00:42:21,365 or no, a binary of this is right or this is wrong. 1023 00:42:21,835 --> 00:42:24,325 That is a very human thing to do with it. True. 1024 00:42:24,425 --> 00:42:26,325 We need to rise above our base selves. 1025 00:42:27,185 --> 00:42:28,365 And here's the thing, and that's why 1026 00:42:28,445 --> 00:42:29,605 people will hold onto that. 1027 00:42:29,605 --> 00:42:31,965 Sometimes nobody likes change. No. 1028 00:42:32,465 --> 00:42:34,365 And especially if that change comes from 1029 00:42:34,365 --> 00:42:36,125 what you believe to be true. 1030 00:42:36,515 --> 00:42:38,685 That you wrapped around yourself for comfort 1031 00:42:38,785 --> 00:42:40,565 and your identity in the early days. 1032 00:42:40,905 --> 00:42:42,925 And now Mm-Hmm. somebody is telling you, well 1033 00:42:43,445 --> 00:42:44,725 actually that's not quite right. 1034 00:42:45,435 --> 00:42:47,325 Even if that's accurate. Mm-Hmm. 1035 00:42:47,365 --> 00:42:48,445 it feels like an attack. 1036 00:42:48,505 --> 00:42:52,645 It feels very personal. Yeah. Again, I get why it happens. 1037 00:42:53,655 --> 00:42:58,045 Right. But we have to constantly try to, you know, 1038 00:42:58,185 --> 00:43:00,245 be better than our most base selves. 1039 00:43:00,245 --> 00:43:01,765 Mm-Hmm. , that's just Mm-Hmm. . 1040 00:43:02,235 --> 00:43:05,445 Yeah. That's just how that seems to work. It does. 1041 00:43:05,745 --> 00:43:08,845 Um, and I just think if you are a person who is capable 1042 00:43:08,905 --> 00:43:13,045 of learning 85 new ways to do the same kink that you love, 1043 00:43:13,195 --> 00:43:15,165 then you are a person who is capable 1044 00:43:15,465 --> 00:43:18,205 of looking at something you learned on day one 1045 00:43:18,205 --> 00:43:21,365 of your kink life and going, well actually yeah, we can add, 1046 00:43:21,425 --> 00:43:24,725 we can, we can tweak that, that that doesn't fit anymore. 1047 00:43:24,725 --> 00:43:26,485 That doesn't suit, there's a better way to say it. 1048 00:43:26,485 --> 00:43:28,045 Or, oh, let me think about this more deeply. 1049 00:43:28,075 --> 00:43:30,805 Like, come on y'all, it . Mm-Hmm. . 1050 00:43:30,835 --> 00:43:33,565 It's the same skill just done in a different way. Yeah. 1051 00:43:33,845 --> 00:43:35,685 I think it's, it is uncomfortable 1052 00:43:35,685 --> 00:43:36,725 for some people because you're right. 1053 00:43:36,725 --> 00:43:39,925 Change. I don't like change y'all. Mm-Hmm. . 1054 00:43:40,255 --> 00:43:43,965 Y'all will just send myself into a tizzy 1055 00:43:43,965 --> 00:43:46,805 and need to be in the bed clutching pearls. 1056 00:43:46,885 --> 00:43:48,725 I hate change so much , 1057 00:43:49,985 --> 00:43:51,965 but also . 1058 00:43:52,905 --> 00:43:56,285 But also I want to be the best version. 1059 00:43:56,585 --> 00:43:59,405 And especially in our kink relationship, I'm more in tune 1060 00:43:59,405 --> 00:44:01,365 with that, with maybe any other part of my life. 1061 00:44:01,825 --> 00:44:04,405 Um, I wanna be the best version of myself. I can be. 1062 00:44:04,705 --> 00:44:06,165 It does help that we do this for a living. 1063 00:44:06,225 --> 00:44:07,805 We think about these concepts for a living. Right. 1064 00:44:07,805 --> 00:44:11,525 Most like typical kink people are not thinking this deeply 1065 00:44:11,945 --> 00:44:13,245 all of the fucking time. 1066 00:44:13,945 --> 00:44:17,965 Um, and there will always be a part of humanity 1067 00:44:17,965 --> 00:44:19,445 that wants the simplest answer 1068 00:44:19,945 --> 00:44:23,005 and is not comfortable with an answer that is, it depends 1069 00:44:23,185 --> 00:44:24,765 or, well, not quite. 1070 00:44:24,945 --> 00:44:27,085 Or actually, let me add some nuance to this. 1071 00:44:27,225 --> 00:44:30,645 And so then you will continue to have people who, you know, 1072 00:44:30,745 --> 00:44:32,005 are gonna keep saying it 1073 00:44:32,005 --> 00:44:34,205 and we'll defend it with, with everything they have. 1074 00:44:34,225 --> 00:44:35,925 And lemme go back to the thing I said at the top. 1075 00:44:36,825 --> 00:44:39,045 If this statement means something to you 1076 00:44:39,665 --> 00:44:44,325 and you, it provides comfort, it feels right to you. 1077 00:44:44,425 --> 00:44:45,645 I'm not here to take that away from you. 1078 00:44:45,765 --> 00:44:48,325 'cause I can't, this is a Come on y'all. 1079 00:44:48,325 --> 00:44:50,965 That's not how this works. I'm not the kink police would not 1080 00:44:50,965 --> 00:44:52,125 want that job, by the way. 1081 00:44:52,785 --> 00:44:54,805 Um, but I do think 1082 00:44:55,355 --> 00:44:58,005 that it is worth thinking about these things. 1083 00:44:58,215 --> 00:45:00,125 Think about the thing you don't agree with so 1084 00:45:00,125 --> 00:45:01,005 that you can explain to 1085 00:45:01,205 --> 00:45:02,565 yourself why you don't agree with it. 1086 00:45:02,565 --> 00:45:03,965 What might happen is you might change 1087 00:45:03,965 --> 00:45:05,125 your mind and that's okay too. 1088 00:45:05,645 --> 00:45:06,525 Changing your mind is not a 1089 00:45:06,525 --> 00:45:07,445 sign of weaknesses, . 1090 00:45:07,445 --> 00:45:10,665 It is actually a sign of strength and growth. Right? Yeah. 1091 00:45:11,565 --> 00:45:13,145 You learn, learn more. 1092 00:45:14,305 --> 00:45:17,085 You can do better, you know, more you can, you know, 1093 00:45:17,145 --> 00:45:18,645 you can grow this whole, I mean, 1094 00:45:18,905 --> 00:45:21,645 we did the episode about this being a journey or a path 1095 00:45:21,645 --> 00:45:23,685 and yes, we all kind of gagged at the cliche, 1096 00:45:23,745 --> 00:45:25,005 but it is fucking true. 1097 00:45:26,305 --> 00:45:27,365 But you have to be open to that. 1098 00:45:27,365 --> 00:45:28,325 You have to be open to change. You 1099 00:45:28,325 --> 00:45:29,005 have to be open to growth. 1100 00:45:29,365 --> 00:45:31,485 Absolutely. And I think if you are gonna, 1101 00:45:31,945 --> 00:45:34,605 and I think I this, I've try to do this for myself. 1102 00:45:34,825 --> 00:45:38,005 I'm imperfect at it because I'm a, I'm a people too. Mm-Hmm. 1103 00:45:38,045 --> 00:45:40,375 . Um, if I believe a thing 1104 00:45:40,375 --> 00:45:41,495 that other people disagree with, 1105 00:45:42,075 --> 00:45:43,295 and I believe it's staunchly 1106 00:45:43,295 --> 00:45:46,375 and I'm not changing my mind, all I'm gonna do is go, okay, 1107 00:45:46,395 --> 00:45:49,535 why do I believe this was staunchly and for myself? 1108 00:45:49,565 --> 00:45:51,015 What are my rationalizations? 1109 00:45:51,075 --> 00:45:53,175 And if you can do that, if you can look at the other side 1110 00:45:53,175 --> 00:45:54,215 of an argument and go, yeah, I 1111 00:45:54,215 --> 00:45:55,295 still reject it and here's why. 1112 00:45:55,675 --> 00:45:57,935 And justify it to yourself. You don't justify it to me. 1113 00:45:58,035 --> 00:45:59,495 You don't have to justify it to JB you. 1114 00:45:59,495 --> 00:46:02,215 Please do not try to justify it to the online commenters 1115 00:46:02,855 --> 00:46:04,175 on a place like a Twitter 1116 00:46:04,395 --> 00:46:06,135 or a Reddit or Oh, Jesus Christ. 1117 00:46:06,235 --> 00:46:08,335 But doggy. I mean, you can if you want to. 1118 00:46:08,535 --> 00:46:10,255 I don't, I don't like that kind of stress in my life, 1119 00:46:10,315 --> 00:46:12,055 but sounds like personal hell to me. 1120 00:46:12,375 --> 00:46:14,655 . I just, you know, I think we get stronger in our 1121 00:46:14,655 --> 00:46:16,495 beliefs when we can look at the other side of them. 1122 00:46:16,495 --> 00:46:18,615 Mm-Hmm. and go, okay, I still disagree, 1123 00:46:19,435 --> 00:46:21,385 but you know, here's why I feel that way. 1124 00:46:21,495 --> 00:46:26,145 Yeah. Yep. But I also think there are some sentiments. 1125 00:46:26,145 --> 00:46:27,585 It's okay if we put to the wayside, 1126 00:46:27,725 --> 00:46:30,105 you're not betraying your earlier kink self. 1127 00:46:30,105 --> 00:46:32,825 You're not betraying other kinky people by going Yeah. 1128 00:46:33,255 --> 00:46:34,425 That maybe that's imperfect 1129 00:46:34,425 --> 00:46:35,585 and that's not quite right anymore. 1130 00:46:35,645 --> 00:46:36,145 Mm-Hmm. . 1131 00:46:38,085 --> 00:46:41,915 So I'm just, I don't know. 1132 00:46:42,255 --> 00:46:45,755 Police are gonna take you away. No, no, no, no. 1133 00:46:46,395 --> 00:46:50,875 no, nope, nope, 1134 00:46:52,825 --> 00:46:55,795 nope, nope. 1135 00:46:57,245 --> 00:47:01,275 Maybe one day you can put out an air quote album 1136 00:47:01,815 --> 00:47:03,595 of all the ways you want to kink up music 1137 00:47:03,695 --> 00:47:05,235 and just sing your little concert 1138 00:47:05,255 --> 00:47:07,355 and your little microphone by yourself. 1139 00:47:07,825 --> 00:47:10,435 I'll have to be not just in another room, 1140 00:47:10,455 --> 00:47:11,995 in another building, probably 1141 00:47:11,995 --> 00:47:13,155 in another town when you do that. 1142 00:47:14,135 --> 00:47:17,235 But if it makes you happy, I support it. Okay. 1143 00:47:18,015 --> 00:47:21,115 Um, could I just keep saying the same thing 85 times 1144 00:47:21,135 --> 00:47:22,315 in a row and go round and round? 1145 00:47:22,315 --> 00:47:25,475 Sure. Sure. I think that the expression submissives 1146 00:47:25,475 --> 00:47:26,995 of all the power is incomplete. 1147 00:47:27,495 --> 00:47:30,845 It does a disservice to what power exchange is. Correct. 1148 00:47:31,405 --> 00:47:35,285 I think that it serves a purpose until it does it. Mm-Hmm. 1149 00:47:35,325 --> 00:47:38,045 . And I think that it, what a person is trying 1150 00:47:38,045 --> 00:47:40,765 to say when they say that is just more 1151 00:47:40,765 --> 00:47:42,165 nuanced than what they're actually saying. 1152 00:47:42,885 --> 00:47:44,645 'cause when you say one thing, it's like, okay, 1153 00:47:44,645 --> 00:47:45,925 but what are, aren't you saying, what are you 1154 00:47:45,925 --> 00:47:47,045 implying when you say that? 1155 00:47:47,685 --> 00:47:49,485 I mean, I can get myself riled back up 1156 00:47:49,485 --> 00:47:50,525 over the pleasure dom thing. 1157 00:47:51,005 --> 00:47:52,045 'cause that's it too. When you say, 1158 00:47:52,045 --> 00:47:54,685 when you call something this, the implication is 1159 00:47:54,685 --> 00:47:56,085 that other things are not that. 1160 00:47:56,345 --> 00:47:58,325 Mm-Hmm. . Right. So if submissives have all the 1161 00:47:58,325 --> 00:47:59,645 power doms have none. 1162 00:47:59,645 --> 00:48:00,645 That doesn't make any fucking sense. 1163 00:48:00,725 --> 00:48:03,165 - I, I like what, uh, rah just put out there in chat. 1164 00:48:03,475 --> 00:48:07,965 It's the council of kink elders to police everyone. 1165 00:48:08,445 --> 00:48:09,445 . 1166 00:48:10,005 --> 00:48:11,925 - I don't think I'm qualified to be on that council. 1167 00:48:13,125 --> 00:48:15,565 - I mean, I could, but I don't want no part of it. I know 1168 00:48:16,045 --> 00:48:18,405 - I could be the, the gesture, the court gesture 1169 00:48:18,545 --> 00:48:20,685 for the council speak truth to power, 1170 00:48:20,705 --> 00:48:24,245 but, you know, do it in a sassy way much like I do now. 1171 00:48:25,725 --> 00:48:27,805 - . 1172 00:48:29,355 --> 00:48:29,645 - Okay. 1173 00:48:30,305 --> 00:48:34,885 Um, okay. 1174 00:48:35,205 --> 00:48:36,245 I think I've made my point. 1175 00:48:36,265 --> 00:48:37,405 Is there anything you would want to add? 1176 00:48:37,665 --> 00:48:39,245 - No, I I think we've, uh, 1177 00:48:39,865 --> 00:48:42,045 pretty much summed this all up. Okay. 1178 00:48:42,245 --> 00:48:44,365 - I will, I'll give it a, a few days. 1179 00:48:44,375 --> 00:48:47,965 We'll see how many, um, angry, annoyed, 1180 00:48:48,105 --> 00:48:51,205 and like desperate to be understood, 1181 00:48:51,375 --> 00:48:52,765 which I respect. Mm-Hmm. 1182 00:48:52,805 --> 00:48:54,165 - . Or maybe we'll find that more people 1183 00:48:54,175 --> 00:48:55,285 agree with us than, uh, 1184 00:48:55,385 --> 00:48:56,385 - Not, here's the thing. 1185 00:48:56,485 --> 00:48:57,925 I I always find it weird when it, 1186 00:48:57,985 --> 00:48:59,765 it does feel like most people agree with us. 1187 00:48:59,865 --> 00:49:01,365 I'm like, oh, wait. Oh, okay. 1188 00:49:02,035 --> 00:49:03,525 What I think is, is that when 1189 00:49:03,525 --> 00:49:05,005 people disagree with us Mm-Hmm. 1190 00:49:05,045 --> 00:49:07,045 typically they don't disagree so hard 1191 00:49:07,075 --> 00:49:09,165 that it hurt that like they're bothered by it. 1192 00:49:09,275 --> 00:49:13,165 Yeah. That every once in a while I'll find a topic 1193 00:49:13,375 --> 00:49:15,845 where people really don't like not agreeing with us 1194 00:49:16,205 --> 00:49:17,205 - . 1195 00:49:17,425 --> 00:49:20,325 - And I, I just, I just wanna say I'm not making light 1196 00:49:20,325 --> 00:49:23,085 of the fact that you dis if you disagree with us, 1197 00:49:23,345 --> 00:49:25,485 it is your right to disagree with us. 1198 00:49:26,345 --> 00:49:29,165 But you don't have to convince me of why. 1199 00:49:30,625 --> 00:49:33,325 You know, your, the way you see it is the way you see it. 1200 00:49:33,555 --> 00:49:35,785 Yeah. It's fine. Mm-Hmm. . It's fine. 1201 00:49:36,765 --> 00:49:39,265 Um, yeah. 1202 00:49:39,365 --> 00:49:43,665 So I guess we can do, um, bonus section. 1203 00:49:43,935 --> 00:49:45,225 What were words? I lost them. 1204 00:49:45,385 --> 00:49:48,265 I was so, I, I kept all the words for the topic. 1205 00:49:48,535 --> 00:49:51,745 Done with the topic. Lost all the words. 1206 00:49:52,635 --> 00:49:54,175 So I guess we can do a bonus section. All right. 1207 00:49:54,355 --> 00:49:55,375 - So are we good ? 1208 00:49:56,595 --> 00:49:58,495 - We are chaotic. If nothing else, 1209 00:49:58,915 --> 00:49:59,975 - As always, as always. 1210 00:50:00,235 --> 00:50:01,235 - Mm-Hmm. - , 1211 00:50:02,405 --> 00:50:04,535 - Keep the kinky off and we'll see you next week. 1212 00:50:14,475 --> 00:50:16,535 - Yes. Can - I talk to the crickets? Please. 1213 00:50:17,995 --> 00:50:19,575 - Ah, go ahead. , 1214 00:50:20,875 --> 00:50:22,175 - Um, podcast listeners. 1215 00:50:22,595 --> 00:50:24,815 Uh, you, unless you venture over 1216 00:50:24,815 --> 00:50:26,375 and decide to look at the video, you can't tell. 1217 00:50:26,515 --> 00:50:29,365 I'm gonna say something to, to the YouTube folks 1218 00:50:29,365 --> 00:50:30,485 that I said at the top of this. 1219 00:50:30,625 --> 00:50:32,045 I'm gonna say it again. Mm-Hmm. . 1220 00:50:32,265 --> 00:50:34,325 Uh, and for a podcast listener who's like, 1221 00:50:34,325 --> 00:50:36,645 I'll go check out the YouTube, this particular 1222 00:50:37,375 --> 00:50:39,725 video does not look like it normally doesn't. 1223 00:50:39,725 --> 00:50:40,845 We know that. Yep. 1224 00:50:40,945 --> 00:50:44,165 And I hate every second of how bad it looks. 1225 00:50:44,485 --> 00:50:48,245 it stresses me out. 1226 00:50:48,985 --> 00:50:51,565 Um, but we had tech issues Yes. 1227 00:50:51,565 --> 00:50:53,485 That we'll have to spend time figuring out. 1228 00:50:53,485 --> 00:50:57,005 Mm-Hmm, . So we're, we're on our webcam. 1229 00:50:58,085 --> 00:51:00,565 . That really only is good quality when it's 1230 00:51:00,565 --> 00:51:01,845 like way close. 1231 00:51:02,015 --> 00:51:04,005 Close. 'cause that's how, yeah, that's what it meant. 1232 00:51:04,025 --> 00:51:07,285 But to get us both in frame cannot be 1233 00:51:10,065 --> 00:51:11,485 so, it's, it's fine. 1234 00:51:11,555 --> 00:51:13,365 It's fine. Um, did I pick this topic 1235 00:51:13,425 --> 00:51:14,645 so I could just fucking rant? 1236 00:51:15,025 --> 00:51:16,525 Not on purpose. Probably. 1237 00:51:16,925 --> 00:51:18,445 I think I thought I had more to say, 1238 00:51:18,545 --> 00:51:23,285 but really I just, I, to me it, to me it's simple. 1239 00:51:23,665 --> 00:51:25,485 Others might not think so. That's fine. 1240 00:51:26,345 --> 00:51:30,525 Um, excuse me, I have something, 1241 00:51:30,525 --> 00:51:33,045 because I do this now apparently almost every week. 1242 00:51:33,705 --> 00:51:34,965 Um, but 1243 00:51:34,965 --> 00:51:36,005 before I start doing that, 1244 00:51:36,025 --> 00:51:37,285 did you have anything you ha wanted 1245 00:51:37,285 --> 00:51:38,285 to talk about in the counter section? 1246 00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:42,565 No. I am reading a new series that I fucking love. Okay. 1247 00:51:42,565 --> 00:51:44,965 Where's my phone? I kept my phone by me 1248 00:51:44,965 --> 00:51:48,085 so I could actually tell people, oh, look, okay. 1249 00:51:48,085 --> 00:51:49,205 One of my prescriptions came through. 1250 00:51:49,345 --> 00:51:51,045 Uh, so I could actually tell people 1251 00:51:51,835 --> 00:51:53,205 what fucking series I'm reading. 1252 00:51:54,155 --> 00:51:58,165 Okay. The series is called the Emerald Lakes series. 1253 00:51:58,595 --> 00:52:03,405 What is this author's name? Britt. B-R-I-T-T. Andrews. Okay. 1254 00:52:03,945 --> 00:52:05,365 Uh, it's very magical. 1255 00:52:05,575 --> 00:52:08,285 We're living in a contemporary world, but magic exists. 1256 00:52:08,375 --> 00:52:13,085 We've got a witch and her multiple, uh, men. 1257 00:52:13,665 --> 00:52:17,605 Um, it's funny, it's sassy. It puns abound. 1258 00:52:18,545 --> 00:52:22,365 Um, the sex is hot. The magic is interesting. 1259 00:52:22,945 --> 00:52:24,685 Um, the series is complete. 1260 00:52:24,945 --> 00:52:26,085 So the book's doing on a 1261 00:52:26,085 --> 00:52:27,405 cliffhanger, but you got a whole series. 1262 00:52:27,555 --> 00:52:29,365 It's available in Kindle Unlimited. Okay. Yeah. 1263 00:52:30,545 --> 00:52:33,565 Here's one of the things that makes me 1264 00:52:33,665 --> 00:52:36,165 so happy about series. 1265 00:52:36,545 --> 00:52:40,925 So I have absolutely fallen into the why choose, um, 1266 00:52:41,195 --> 00:52:46,085 also still called reverse harem genre of smut. 1267 00:52:46,235 --> 00:52:48,085 Okay. Yes. Yes. 1268 00:52:48,915 --> 00:52:50,965 Give me the ability to ha 1269 00:52:50,965 --> 00:52:52,685 to read about somebody who doesn't have to fucking pick. 1270 00:52:52,745 --> 00:52:53,965 I'm not here for love triangles. 1271 00:52:53,985 --> 00:52:57,125 I'm not here for the s No, but here's what's been happening 1272 00:52:57,145 --> 00:53:00,885 and all the other why choose smut. 1273 00:53:00,995 --> 00:53:03,685 I've read lately in these universes, 1274 00:53:03,755 --> 00:53:05,365 I've read bear shifters. 1275 00:53:05,805 --> 00:53:08,605 I read Dystopian Future where there's only 1276 00:53:08,665 --> 00:53:10,885 so many women for men. 1277 00:53:10,945 --> 00:53:15,365 And well, I, and in, and these were multiple books series. 1278 00:53:15,665 --> 00:53:19,805 So over the course of 4, 5, 6 books, we are talking 1279 00:53:21,505 --> 00:53:23,405 30 plus men sometimes. 1280 00:53:24,505 --> 00:53:26,885 And somehow in those series 1281 00:53:27,465 --> 00:53:31,875 and in those universes, all the men were straight, 1282 00:53:32,225 --> 00:53:35,995 just always straight not a bisexual, pansexual, 1283 00:53:36,555 --> 00:53:37,675 whatever person among them. 1284 00:53:37,695 --> 00:53:39,635 And I just was like, but, 1285 00:53:39,635 --> 00:53:43,475 but none, none of 'em are into each other. 1286 00:53:43,825 --> 00:53:48,555 What in this one who there are 1287 00:53:49,375 --> 00:53:51,915 so many pairings of people 1288 00:53:52,615 --> 00:53:55,595 and openly, so this particular series, 1289 00:53:55,615 --> 00:53:59,235 the Emerald Lake series, um, two of the guys that, the guys, 1290 00:53:59,305 --> 00:54:01,715 most of the guys have been friends, like their whole life. 1291 00:54:02,655 --> 00:54:05,155 Two of the guys have like some complicated feelings 1292 00:54:05,155 --> 00:54:08,075 for one another 'cause trauma, but they are very 1293 00:54:08,105 --> 00:54:09,755 much power exchange. 1294 00:54:10,215 --> 00:54:12,475 Now, it's not always healthy power exchange 1295 00:54:12,535 --> 00:54:14,355 and it's not always Happy power exchange. 1296 00:54:14,915 --> 00:54:16,355 I have a podcast they could listen to. 1297 00:54:16,775 --> 00:54:21,235 Um, also, this is one 1298 00:54:21,235 --> 00:54:22,755 that did not sell itself to me 1299 00:54:22,755 --> 00:54:24,475 as being kinky, but it does have kink. 1300 00:54:24,475 --> 00:54:27,595 And it's like, I'm, I'm here for the kink lately. 1301 00:54:27,595 --> 00:54:28,755 That's the other thing I've been reading. 1302 00:54:28,755 --> 00:54:30,435 People are like, oh, this is really kinky. 1303 00:54:30,785 --> 00:54:32,395 He's really kinky. One did a buildup 1304 00:54:32,395 --> 00:54:33,995 of this character being super kinky. 1305 00:54:33,995 --> 00:54:35,875 You have to watch him. It was one of my why chooses, 1306 00:54:36,335 --> 00:54:39,315 and he basically gave her one command 1307 00:54:39,535 --> 00:54:42,415 and then that was it. 1308 00:54:42,485 --> 00:54:44,055 That was it. I was like, 1309 00:54:44,175 --> 00:54:46,255 I am not the target audience for this . 1310 00:54:46,395 --> 00:54:49,335 I'm just not. Because if you're gonna call yourself kinky 1311 00:54:49,335 --> 00:54:51,335 and oh, he's into, he needs control 1312 00:54:51,335 --> 00:54:53,575 and he needs power, blah, then you're gonna have 1313 00:54:53,575 --> 00:54:55,015 to show me the control and power. 1314 00:54:56,035 --> 00:54:57,855 If you think kinky and control 1315 00:54:57,855 --> 00:55:01,295 and power is a single command in five pages of fucking, 1316 00:55:02,815 --> 00:55:05,975 I am not the reader you were seeking is what I'm saying. 1317 00:55:06,315 --> 00:55:10,415 But yes, I'm here for the Emerald Blakes series. 1318 00:55:11,645 --> 00:55:13,375 Good. Is it perfect? Probably not. 1319 00:55:13,635 --> 00:55:14,935 I'm so into the story and, 1320 00:55:14,995 --> 00:55:19,615 and the sex definitely sex that my writer brain's not, 1321 00:55:19,835 --> 00:55:21,335 not thinking about how it's constructed. 1322 00:55:21,465 --> 00:55:23,095 There was one series I started reading 1323 00:55:23,195 --> 00:55:24,335 and I was like, this isn't bad. 1324 00:55:24,335 --> 00:55:27,895 This story's kind of good. But I kept going, oh, should the, 1325 00:55:27,995 --> 00:55:29,735 the author have written it that way? 1326 00:55:30,095 --> 00:55:31,855 . Oh, I would've said it this way. 1327 00:55:31,855 --> 00:55:33,695 And I went, I, I can't finish the series 1328 00:55:33,695 --> 00:55:35,535 because I'm not reading the story. 1329 00:55:36,355 --> 00:55:38,095 I'm thinking about how I think it needs 1330 00:55:38,115 --> 00:55:40,175 to be edited, rewritten. 1331 00:55:40,555 --> 00:55:43,295 That's not fair to that writer. We're not doing that. 1332 00:55:43,955 --> 00:55:48,415 So yeah, I'm just saying if you, if you, if you like 1333 00:55:49,595 --> 00:55:52,695 all the partners all in different, in different pairings 1334 00:55:52,695 --> 00:55:56,055 and not just pairings and, and trios and quartets 1335 00:55:56,055 --> 00:55:59,495 and all the body parts just bumping into one another. 1336 00:55:59,555 --> 00:56:01,495 Mm-Hmm. , I'm, and I already told you. 1337 00:56:01,555 --> 00:56:03,055 I'm like, and see, I can't tell you too much 1338 00:56:03,055 --> 00:56:04,815 because it would be, 1339 00:56:04,815 --> 00:56:06,575 it would accidentally give you all the spoilers. 1340 00:56:06,575 --> 00:56:08,095 So I'm just, I'm just saying it's why I choose. 1341 00:56:08,465 --> 00:56:10,535 She's a witch. She's plus size, like actual, 1342 00:56:10,535 --> 00:56:12,815 like the way she's drawn on the cover 1343 00:56:12,835 --> 00:56:15,815 and then the way she's described, I'm like another one 1344 00:56:15,815 --> 00:56:17,535 where I'm like, oh, I recognize that body type. 1345 00:56:18,475 --> 00:56:21,655 And uh, yeah. And they manhandle her. 1346 00:56:21,925 --> 00:56:23,445 They pick her up, they carry her. 1347 00:56:23,445 --> 00:56:25,965 She'll be like, um, are you sure you can handle this? 1348 00:56:25,965 --> 00:56:27,405 And they're like, shut. They say 1349 00:56:27,405 --> 00:56:28,445 it nicely, but like, shut up. 1350 00:56:28,445 --> 00:56:29,765 Yeah. We got this, you know? 1351 00:56:31,225 --> 00:56:32,605 And I'm like, yeah, I'm here for it. 1352 00:56:32,945 --> 00:56:35,405 So that's my enthusiasm for the week. 1353 00:56:35,545 --> 00:56:40,205 Uh, did I start book one on Sunday? Maybe Monday? 1354 00:56:40,305 --> 00:56:41,525 Mm-Hmm. . And it's Wednesday 1355 00:56:41,545 --> 00:56:43,405 and I'm on book three, . 1356 00:56:44,405 --> 00:56:47,045 I finished book two this morning before I got out of bed. 1357 00:56:47,765 --> 00:56:50,445 started book three before I got out of bed. 1358 00:56:51,315 --> 00:56:53,765 When I realized that we were dealing with the tech issue 1359 00:56:53,785 --> 00:56:55,085 and it was like a stop start. 1360 00:56:55,165 --> 00:56:57,725 I couldn't really like sink into any work thing and focus. 1361 00:56:57,845 --> 00:57:01,125 I went, oh, I guess I'll just read, uh, 1362 00:57:01,485 --> 00:57:03,965 halfway through. 1363 00:57:04,595 --> 00:57:07,485 - Well, I'm, well, I'm pulling the little hair I have out 1364 00:57:07,555 --> 00:57:10,525 over here and you're sitting there reading smut. Okay. 1365 00:57:10,725 --> 00:57:12,845 - I am reading about all the different ways all the 1366 00:57:12,845 --> 00:57:14,285 different characters are getting railed. 1367 00:57:14,345 --> 00:57:16,965 Yes. Yes. I and the angst 1368 00:57:17,025 --> 00:57:19,485 and the drama part, like the conflict 1369 00:57:19,485 --> 00:57:21,365 and the plot and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1370 00:57:21,515 --> 00:57:24,325 - Meanwhile, I'm suffering from tech angst. 1371 00:57:25,235 --> 00:57:27,965 - Yeah. But you're not suffering from blue balls . 1372 00:57:29,625 --> 00:57:32,325 And at this point, if you are, it is your own fault. 1373 00:57:33,825 --> 00:57:36,725 You're welcome. We've been frisky the past few days. Mm-Hmm. 1374 00:57:36,765 --> 00:57:39,645 , y'all, nothing will remind you 1375 00:57:39,645 --> 00:57:41,525 that you were not as young as you once were. 1376 00:57:41,845 --> 00:57:45,965 . . Okay. So was it Sunday night? 1377 00:57:46,105 --> 00:57:50,015 It was Sunday night, wasn't it? We had a, a long day Sunday. 1378 00:57:50,075 --> 00:57:51,895 We did a whole bunch of work. Right? That was Sunday. 1379 00:57:51,895 --> 00:57:52,935 We did that. Yeah. We'd 1380 00:57:52,935 --> 00:57:53,935 - Wash the cars. 1381 00:57:53,935 --> 00:57:54,875 We um, 1382 00:57:55,985 --> 00:57:57,725 - We wash the dog. We watched 1383 00:57:57,725 --> 00:57:59,045 - The dog, did some pressure washing around. 1384 00:57:59,195 --> 00:58:01,965 - This was all stuff that took some amount of movement 1385 00:58:02,105 --> 00:58:03,285 and some amount of energy. 1386 00:58:03,285 --> 00:58:05,405 Mm-Hmm. And by the end of the day, we were exhausted. 1387 00:58:05,745 --> 00:58:08,965 So somebody had him a little smokey smoke. 1388 00:58:09,285 --> 00:58:10,565 Somebody else had her a little gummy. 1389 00:58:10,905 --> 00:58:11,965 We were feeling no pain. 1390 00:58:11,985 --> 00:58:15,445 The gummies loosened my inhibition so much that I'm like, 1391 00:58:15,685 --> 00:58:19,845 I am, I'm down to whatever to fuck to whatever. 1392 00:58:20,265 --> 00:58:22,765 And I'm looser and it's great um, . 1393 00:58:23,865 --> 00:58:27,565 So we are kind of being all sweet 1394 00:58:27,565 --> 00:58:28,805 with one another on the couch. 1395 00:58:29,265 --> 00:58:34,045 And I am so that type of person that cannot verbalize 1396 00:58:34,045 --> 00:58:36,325 what I want, that I'm like, if I just keep pushing my ass in 1397 00:58:36,325 --> 00:58:37,805 his hand in a certain way, , 1398 00:58:37,805 --> 00:58:39,765 hopefully he will get the point. 1399 00:58:39,825 --> 00:58:42,125 And then I realized, wait, he knows me so well. 1400 00:58:42,465 --> 00:58:43,765 He knows what the fuck I'm doing. 1401 00:58:43,795 --> 00:58:46,365 This is not, this is not a confusing thing to him. 1402 00:58:46,665 --> 00:58:48,285 But also he is in your own way, 1403 00:58:48,475 --> 00:58:50,885 very quietly reminding me who's in charge. 1404 00:58:50,985 --> 00:58:52,885 So I'm like pushing my ass into his 1405 00:58:52,885 --> 00:58:53,965 hand, like, touch me hair. 1406 00:58:53,965 --> 00:58:55,885 And he is like, actually, I guess I'll touch you over here 1407 00:58:55,905 --> 00:58:57,325 now, and I'm . 1408 00:58:57,465 --> 00:58:59,645 So then I settled down and went, okay, okay, okay. 1409 00:58:59,715 --> 00:59:01,205 He's in charge. He'll just do whatever. 1410 00:59:01,275 --> 00:59:03,605 Well, it could have just been a sweet moment on the 1411 00:59:03,605 --> 00:59:04,725 couch until we went to bed. 1412 00:59:04,905 --> 00:59:07,925 And I I was Did I, 1413 00:59:08,025 --> 00:59:10,285 did I flash all my junk at him? 1414 00:59:10,345 --> 00:59:12,325 Yes, I did. Uh, shamelessly. 1415 00:59:12,465 --> 00:59:15,045 And so then we got into like, 1416 00:59:16,565 --> 00:59:20,305 what's the word I want, like the sport of fuckery. 1417 00:59:20,305 --> 00:59:23,365 Like, it was very physical. We do our thing. 1418 00:59:23,425 --> 00:59:25,525 I'm not going into details. Some 1419 00:59:25,525 --> 00:59:26,925 of y'all really don't want that, and it's fine. 1420 00:59:26,925 --> 00:59:29,245 Mm-Hmm. We do our thing. We collapse. 1421 00:59:29,625 --> 00:59:31,405 And like right after midnight we're like, 1422 00:59:31,465 --> 00:59:32,965 oh my God, we're so tired. 1423 00:59:33,665 --> 00:59:35,605 We wake up Monday morning just a few hours later, 1424 00:59:35,605 --> 00:59:36,805 like, we're hung over. 1425 00:59:37,065 --> 00:59:40,565 Mm-Hmm. And we were physically like impaired. 1426 00:59:40,665 --> 00:59:41,965 The rest of the muscles hurt. 1427 00:59:42,065 --> 00:59:43,885 We were moving like real stiff, 1428 00:59:43,915 --> 00:59:45,445 - Popping, anti-inflammatory, 1429 00:59:45,515 --> 00:59:47,245 like , , . 1430 00:59:47,785 --> 00:59:51,205 - It was like, I mean, we could blame it on the work we did 1431 00:59:51,235 --> 00:59:54,965 outside, but I really, I really think it was, 1432 00:59:56,725 --> 00:59:58,625 it was the fuckery that pushed us over the edge. 1433 00:59:58,745 --> 01:00:00,385 Like I think we would've been tired the next day, 1434 01:00:00,405 --> 01:00:02,785 but I don't think we would've like been bent over double. 1435 01:00:02,855 --> 01:00:05,025 Like, I cannot physically move my body. 1436 01:00:05,705 --> 01:00:08,625 part of me wants to go, I'm too old for this shit, 1437 01:00:08,625 --> 01:00:10,505 but I refuse to ever be too old for this shit. 1438 01:00:11,305 --> 01:00:15,345 I will just take my sore body and live with it. . 1439 01:00:17,365 --> 01:00:19,145 And then we were so sore the next night 1440 01:00:19,245 --> 01:00:20,465 we kind of were feeling it. 1441 01:00:20,525 --> 01:00:22,305 And then we went, no, no 1442 01:00:22,705 --> 01:00:23,705 - . 1443 01:00:23,935 --> 01:00:27,025 Nope. No, nope. No, we need sleep. We 1444 01:00:27,025 --> 01:00:28,025 - Need sleep. 1445 01:00:28,285 --> 01:00:30,585 So then last night we didn't 1446 01:00:30,985 --> 01:00:33,705 'cause somebody wanted to sleep, huh? 1447 01:00:33,925 --> 01:00:36,385 But I did finally verbalize a little bit. 1448 01:00:37,145 --> 01:00:40,145 I was rewarded for using my words, saying, let 1449 01:00:40,145 --> 01:00:42,025 that be a lesson to any submissive who finds it hard 1450 01:00:42,025 --> 01:00:43,025 to verbalize what you want. 1451 01:00:43,205 --> 01:00:44,505 - You almost didn't get it 1452 01:00:44,505 --> 01:00:46,705 because you didn't listen to what I said to do. 1453 01:00:47,545 --> 01:00:48,585 - I don't even remember anymore. 1454 01:00:48,905 --> 01:00:49,905 - told you to get in bed 1455 01:00:49,905 --> 01:00:50,785 and you wouldn't get in bed. 1456 01:00:50,805 --> 01:00:52,585 You just sat there and whined. . 1457 01:00:52,665 --> 01:00:53,865 - I know because I 1458 01:00:54,365 --> 01:00:57,425 - You came real close, real goddamn close 1459 01:00:57,525 --> 01:00:59,145 to missing out on anything. 1460 01:00:59,705 --> 01:01:02,305 just for not doing what I said because 1461 01:01:02,385 --> 01:01:03,745 - I didn't think I was gonna get what I wanted. 1462 01:01:04,465 --> 01:01:06,305 . And I worried 1463 01:01:08,805 --> 01:01:10,585 if anybody wondered what it's like to have an anxious, 1464 01:01:11,265 --> 01:01:13,705 - Remember that, remember that thing that you say, just do 1465 01:01:13,705 --> 01:01:17,385 what Daddy says that you need to take that to heart. Look, 1466 01:01:17,585 --> 01:01:19,305 - I give great fucking advice. 1467 01:01:19,745 --> 01:01:24,185 . I don't listen to a word of it. Okay. . 1468 01:01:26,205 --> 01:01:28,745 It is right up there with, I'll say the things, 1469 01:01:29,225 --> 01:01:31,345 whatever needs to be said, and I'll mean every word 1470 01:01:31,505 --> 01:01:34,345 of them in this episode, in 10 minutes 1471 01:01:34,345 --> 01:01:36,945 after we stop recording, I will not remember a word I said. 1472 01:01:37,165 --> 01:01:39,545 I'm not actually listening to myself. Okay. . 1473 01:01:39,705 --> 01:01:41,945 I mean, I, it's one of those times I'm actually present. 1474 01:01:42,005 --> 01:01:43,185 And in the moment, in the moment 1475 01:01:43,185 --> 01:01:44,945 that I'm saying a thing, I'm listening to myself. 1476 01:01:45,605 --> 01:01:47,625 But after I've said it, it's gone. It's gone. 1477 01:01:47,985 --> 01:01:49,625 I need y'all to like, we have to record it 1478 01:01:49,825 --> 01:01:50,825 or I wouldn't know it existed. 1479 01:01:51,205 --> 01:01:53,025 And I need y'all to hold it in your memory banks, 1480 01:01:53,195 --> 01:01:55,785 which y'all, many of y'all do way better than I. 1481 01:01:55,865 --> 01:01:57,665 There'll be people who comment on something 1482 01:01:57,665 --> 01:01:59,185 that's like literal years old. 1483 01:01:59,385 --> 01:02:00,505 I know. And they're like, well, 1484 01:02:00,665 --> 01:02:01,905 I disagree with you because blah, blah, blah. 1485 01:02:01,905 --> 01:02:03,825 And I'm like, fuck, I don't even know what the fuck I said, 1486 01:02:04,445 --> 01:02:06,705 I'm gonna need y'all to, like, when you comment on old shit, 1487 01:02:06,735 --> 01:02:07,865 tell me the timestamp. 1488 01:02:08,175 --> 01:02:10,825 Like, go back and listen to what I said. 1489 01:02:11,185 --> 01:02:16,105 - , - Gosh, 1490 01:02:18,295 --> 01:02:19,485 contact sports. 1491 01:02:19,795 --> 01:02:21,925 That was the expression I was trying to think of earlier. 1492 01:02:22,295 --> 01:02:26,005 Thank you Cody for that. Um, yeah. 1493 01:02:27,025 --> 01:02:28,565 You know, it's not that I forget 1494 01:02:28,755 --> 01:02:31,845 that fuck kinky fuckery is can be very physical. 1495 01:02:31,845 --> 01:02:32,885 Mm-Hmm. obviously it can be very mental, 1496 01:02:32,945 --> 01:02:36,525 but like when we start playing, I'm, I'm working out here 1497 01:02:37,025 --> 01:02:39,725 and I just forget that until we're done. 1498 01:02:39,785 --> 01:02:42,885 And I'm like, oh my God, my muscles ache. 1499 01:02:43,105 --> 01:02:47,645 Why do my muscles ache? And I'm like, oh yeah. Oh yeah. 1500 01:02:47,675 --> 01:02:49,405 This is a contact sport. So 1501 01:02:49,405 --> 01:02:51,845 - What it comes down to, we should, we need to move more. 1502 01:02:52,195 --> 01:02:55,045 - Well, we've been saying that. We've been saying that. 1503 01:02:55,275 --> 01:02:57,765 Yeah. Uh, we have a handy dandy excuse 1504 01:02:57,905 --> 01:03:00,325 for why we don't, um, . 1505 01:03:01,425 --> 01:03:04,925 I'm not, it's, I think it's a, a valid excuse. 1506 01:03:05,325 --> 01:03:07,885 , but yeah. 1507 01:03:09,625 --> 01:03:12,605 No, it's, but we've been a lot chiller with one another. 1508 01:03:12,875 --> 01:03:15,965 Yeah. Definitely more relaxed. Yes. Mm-Hmm. . 1509 01:03:15,985 --> 01:03:17,685 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . We, uh, 1510 01:03:17,865 --> 01:03:19,205 had our annual checkup, 1511 01:03:19,205 --> 01:03:20,885 which we actually do every six months now 1512 01:03:20,885 --> 01:03:23,405 that we're both on like 85 fucking meds. 1513 01:03:23,865 --> 01:03:26,405 And we go in and we, we were tired still. 1514 01:03:26,645 --> 01:03:27,765 I think we were still recovering from 1515 01:03:27,765 --> 01:03:28,805 Sunday night, even though it was Tuesday. 1516 01:03:29,265 --> 01:03:30,325 And we didn't have much to say. 1517 01:03:31,425 --> 01:03:34,365 We really just wanted her to like refill our prescriptions. 1518 01:03:34,365 --> 01:03:38,085 Please. Yeah. Um, and she's like, so, you know, 1519 01:03:38,085 --> 01:03:39,325 and they, they take us together. 1520 01:03:39,425 --> 01:03:41,005 We are fricking frac. Mm-Hmm. . 1521 01:03:41,005 --> 01:03:42,365 If they see one, they're looking for the other. 1522 01:03:42,635 --> 01:03:44,725 It's weird to them, if I show up for an appointment 1523 01:03:44,725 --> 01:03:45,805 and I don't have him with me, whatever, 1524 01:03:46,135 --> 01:03:47,885 we're each other's emotional support spouse. 1525 01:03:47,905 --> 01:03:49,925 Our blood pressure is down when we're together. 1526 01:03:50,585 --> 01:03:52,685 Our heart rates are lower when we're together. 1527 01:03:52,875 --> 01:03:54,485 It's just, we're good for one another. 1528 01:03:54,985 --> 01:03:57,485 And so we're not saying a lot. And they're not asking a lot. 1529 01:03:57,485 --> 01:03:59,125 And they're like, okay, anything you wanna discuss? 1530 01:03:59,125 --> 01:04:02,965 We're like, no. Uh, how are your meds working? Eh, good. 1531 01:04:03,115 --> 01:04:04,525 Your numbers look good. Okay. 1532 01:04:04,625 --> 01:04:06,445 And the doc, the doctor and, 1533 01:04:06,625 --> 01:04:10,205 and her nurse, they were like, you're easy ones today. 1534 01:04:10,245 --> 01:04:11,925 And I'm like, that's not something people 1535 01:04:11,925 --> 01:04:13,285 would normally say about us. 1536 01:04:13,715 --> 01:04:17,205 Okay. . I didn't say that, but I was thinking loud. 1537 01:04:17,205 --> 01:04:18,325 It. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1538 01:04:18,535 --> 01:04:20,685 We're just like, yeah, just can I just have my blood 1539 01:04:20,845 --> 01:04:24,165 pressure medicine and my happy pills. 1540 01:04:24,165 --> 01:04:26,405 Like I just, just don't stand in the way 1541 01:04:26,505 --> 01:04:28,725 of those medications. Please. 1542 01:04:29,155 --> 01:04:30,405 - Yeah. Yeah. But 1543 01:04:32,185 --> 01:04:33,325 - So, Hmm. 1544 01:04:34,515 --> 01:04:37,765 Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . It's hot in here. It is. 1545 01:04:37,985 --> 01:04:40,525 Is it me or is it the excitement? 1546 01:04:40,525 --> 01:04:42,565 Like we're all amped up or is it the room? 1547 01:04:43,205 --> 01:04:45,245 - I think it's you. - It's always me. 1548 01:04:45,345 --> 01:04:48,085 - Um, 'cause before we started I'd lowered the ac 1549 01:04:48,385 --> 01:04:49,385 - Did you? 1550 01:04:49,385 --> 01:04:50,765 I'm not feeling it. Yeah. I have finally 1551 01:04:51,555 --> 01:04:55,085 graduated in my perimenopause journey to the fan. 1552 01:04:55,195 --> 01:04:57,365 Next to the bed. . . 1553 01:04:57,905 --> 01:05:00,125 It is not on full blast, but that's 1554 01:05:00,125 --> 01:05:03,445 because I got one that labeled itself on the box, 30% 1555 01:05:03,995 --> 01:05:06,165 more Amplifi something, something, whatever the fuck. 1556 01:05:06,205 --> 01:05:09,005 I didn't care. Um, I put it on the, like the middle setting 1557 01:05:09,105 --> 01:05:13,045 and it set back like five or six feet from the bed. 1558 01:05:13,145 --> 01:05:15,525 And it's, I'm, um, I'm sleeping in a wind tunnel. 1559 01:05:16,225 --> 01:05:20,525 Um, I am not uncomfortable at night. 1560 01:05:20,845 --> 01:05:22,045 I think it needs to travel with me. 1561 01:05:22,205 --> 01:05:23,405 I think maybe I need to bring it in here 1562 01:05:23,545 --> 01:05:25,765 and for the summer, I might let, let's be real. 1563 01:05:25,765 --> 01:05:27,205 It gets hot in here. Um, 1564 01:05:28,265 --> 01:05:31,565 but I have not gotten used to having that la it's loud, 1565 01:05:31,595 --> 01:05:33,165 that loud fan as white noise. 1566 01:05:33,625 --> 01:05:36,125 Yet when I wake up, like middle of the night, 1567 01:05:36,425 --> 01:05:37,845 all I hear is a fan and I can't go back to 1568 01:05:37,845 --> 01:05:38,845 - Sleep. 1569 01:05:38,845 --> 01:05:39,085 Yeah. I'm, I'm grateful 1570 01:05:39,085 --> 01:05:42,005 because I take my bionics off when I go to sleep. His 1571 01:05:42,005 --> 01:05:43,005 - Hearing aids if y'all don't know. 1572 01:05:43,745 --> 01:05:45,845 - And, uh, I don't notice it. 1573 01:05:46,085 --> 01:05:47,285 - I know. And that was the thing I was checking. 1574 01:05:47,345 --> 01:05:49,205 He gets cold when I don't get cold 1575 01:05:49,785 --> 01:05:52,645 and he can't hear without his hearing aids . 1576 01:05:53,065 --> 01:05:56,005 So we put the, we tried one night, the fan on one spot, 1577 01:05:56,005 --> 01:05:57,645 and it blasted me in the face all night. 1578 01:05:57,725 --> 01:05:59,645 I did not mind, but it didn't get the rest of my body. 1579 01:06:00,185 --> 01:06:02,285 And it where it was, I was like, okay, can you hear it? 1580 01:06:02,285 --> 01:06:03,445 He's like, no, I can't fucking hear shit. 1581 01:06:03,545 --> 01:06:06,325 I'm like, okay, , you get cold real easy. 1582 01:06:06,865 --> 01:06:09,045 Can you feel it? He's like, no, you block it. 1583 01:06:09,145 --> 01:06:11,405 I'm like, okay. The next night I tried it in a different 1584 01:06:11,405 --> 01:06:12,965 spot and that was actually a better spot. 1585 01:06:13,065 --> 01:06:15,885 Got more of me. Um, and we had to go through the same thing. 1586 01:06:15,885 --> 01:06:16,885 I was like, okay, can you hear? 1587 01:06:16,885 --> 01:06:18,165 He's like, you know, I can't hear. I'm like, yeah, 1588 01:06:18,165 --> 01:06:19,525 I gotta check . 1589 01:06:20,185 --> 01:06:22,085 And I was like, can you feel it? Are you getting cold? 1590 01:06:22,085 --> 01:06:23,925 He's like, no, I'm good. I'm like, okay. Okay. 1591 01:06:24,845 --> 01:06:26,165 I, I need you to understand this 1592 01:06:26,165 --> 01:06:27,365 will probably be running in winter. 1593 01:06:29,655 --> 01:06:32,675 I'm just, I'm, I'm just 1594 01:06:32,675 --> 01:06:37,545 saying I'm in love with it. 1595 01:06:37,575 --> 01:06:40,785 It's loud as fuck. I'm ready for my brain to recognize it 1596 01:06:40,785 --> 01:06:42,225 as white noise in the middle of the night, 1597 01:06:42,365 --> 01:06:47,305 but Mm. 1598 01:06:50,635 --> 01:06:53,325 Yeah. Diaz Penn's, uh, talking about fans that go 1599 01:06:53,325 --> 01:06:54,565 around, that go around your neck. 1600 01:06:54,645 --> 01:06:56,605 I have seen those for me with 1601 01:06:56,605 --> 01:06:58,125 how I am about things with my neck. 1602 01:06:58,205 --> 01:06:59,965 I worry that would be a sensory nightmare. Yeah. 1603 01:07:00,205 --> 01:07:03,845 I would have to try it without buying it first to see, okay, 1604 01:07:03,845 --> 01:07:05,885 can I even handle something touching my neck like this? 1605 01:07:05,885 --> 01:07:07,805 Mm-Hmm. . But yeah, I am, 1606 01:07:10,815 --> 01:07:13,955 I'm always, I'm just, I walk around hot, just hot. 1607 01:07:14,615 --> 01:07:16,995 And now it's summer in Florida or it's not summer. 1608 01:07:17,025 --> 01:07:19,755 It's almost, it's spring in Florida and it's warm already. 1609 01:07:20,055 --> 01:07:23,115 And I just don't like it. I just don't like it. 1610 01:07:25,525 --> 01:07:29,105 Anyway. I've rambled as I as I usually 1611 01:07:29,165 --> 01:07:29,865 - Do. You do 1612 01:07:30,405 --> 01:07:31,405 - As I do. 1613 01:07:32,205 --> 01:07:36,905 Um, I, I I got nothing. 1614 01:07:38,965 --> 01:07:42,705 - No. I've been, uh, you know, me just been working. Mm-Hmm. 1615 01:07:42,745 --> 01:07:45,385 , you know, doing, doing all my shop stuff. 1616 01:07:46,915 --> 01:07:50,205 - I've been completely unable to focus for about two weeks. 1617 01:07:51,025 --> 01:07:54,245 And I'm way behind 'cause I can't focus. 1618 01:07:54,785 --> 01:07:56,565 - Mm-Hmm. . It's - Great. It's great. 1619 01:07:58,225 --> 01:08:00,925 - And, um, yeah, that's pretty much up. 1620 01:08:00,945 --> 01:08:03,285 That's pretty much it for me. Just working. Yeah. 1621 01:08:03,285 --> 01:08:04,285 - You have been working, you've been 1622 01:08:04,405 --> 01:08:05,245 bringing me all kinds of shit. 1623 01:08:05,245 --> 01:08:07,325 Mm-Hmm. creating more work for me. Yeah. 1624 01:08:07,745 --> 01:08:09,725 But I can't focus on anything. . 1625 01:08:10,595 --> 01:08:12,365 - I'll give you something to focus on. Mm-Hmm. 1626 01:08:12,715 --> 01:08:15,605 - Okay. I'm here for that. Yeah. You might not like it. 1627 01:08:16,975 --> 01:08:20,085 There is a point in time when I just like being the focus 1628 01:08:20,145 --> 01:08:21,365 of your attention, , 1629 01:08:21,765 --> 01:08:23,885 I might dislike what is happening. 1630 01:08:24,195 --> 01:08:26,805 There's that, that sliver of me that's like, look, 1631 01:08:26,805 --> 01:08:28,045 he's paying attention to me. 1632 01:08:28,185 --> 01:08:31,405 I'm special. I is that sick and twisted. 1633 01:08:31,405 --> 01:08:34,405 We're fucking married. Yes. I know. Okay. 1634 01:08:37,765 --> 01:08:40,765 I like being the, and I'm, I'm using this word purposely. 1635 01:08:40,845 --> 01:08:42,725 I like being the object of desire. Mm-Hmm. . 1636 01:08:42,915 --> 01:08:44,325 That might be my exhibitionism. 1637 01:08:44,325 --> 01:08:46,805 That might be my need for external validation. I don't know. 1638 01:08:47,025 --> 01:08:48,405 It might be both. Um, 1639 01:08:49,425 --> 01:08:53,205 and sometimes even when I desperately don't want the 1640 01:08:53,205 --> 01:08:56,125 sensation or to think that you're annoyed with me, 1641 01:08:57,805 --> 01:09:00,325 I do like being the center of your focus. 1642 01:09:00,345 --> 01:09:01,805 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. I like to know that all 1643 01:09:01,805 --> 01:09:03,085 of your attention is on me 1644 01:09:04,095 --> 01:09:05,725 until I don't like how it feels anymore. 1645 01:09:05,925 --> 01:09:07,245 , then I want it to stop. Or, 1646 01:09:08,385 --> 01:09:10,645 or if it's 'cause you're mad at me. 1647 01:09:10,665 --> 01:09:13,045 And I, and I'm, it's not a good girl moment. 1648 01:09:13,365 --> 01:09:15,445 . I don't like that one. Yeah. 1649 01:09:15,565 --> 01:09:18,965 I don't like that When you're, when you're bemused, 1650 01:09:20,035 --> 01:09:21,445 when you're not annoyed 1651 01:09:21,865 --> 01:09:23,565 and when you're amused you do all kinds of shit. 1652 01:09:23,565 --> 01:09:24,925 But when you're kind of bemused, you're like, okay, 1653 01:09:24,995 --> 01:09:28,255 okay, I'm gonna give you something. 1654 01:09:28,255 --> 01:09:31,175 But it's not what you're actually thinking you want asking. 1655 01:09:31,225 --> 01:09:34,095 Right, right, right. I that I still like being 1656 01:09:34,635 --> 01:09:35,495 the focus , 1657 01:09:45,615 --> 01:09:47,355 uh, Diaz Bunny's asking about, um, 1658 01:09:47,825 --> 01:09:49,595 sending back packaging from the kry. 1659 01:09:49,615 --> 01:09:52,155 I'm glad you like your cane. That was a beautiful cane. 1660 01:09:52,975 --> 01:09:55,915 Um, and no, the um, 1661 01:09:57,675 --> 01:10:00,215 by the time all of this, the, your packaging, if you were 1662 01:10:00,215 --> 01:10:02,255 to send your packaging back to your recycle for us to be, 1663 01:10:02,395 --> 01:10:03,775 to reuse it, by the time it gets back 1664 01:10:03,775 --> 01:10:04,815 to us, it's so beat up. 1665 01:10:04,895 --> 01:10:07,535 I would never send it. 'cause the postal surface has 1666 01:10:07,535 --> 01:10:08,855 no respect for packaging. 1667 01:10:09,295 --> 01:10:10,295 I would probably not reuse it. 1668 01:10:10,595 --> 01:10:13,975 We try to use to use things that, not all of them, 1669 01:10:14,115 --> 01:10:15,615 but most of them can be recycled. 1670 01:10:15,615 --> 01:10:18,735 So like the, the brown paper that we wrap packages. Mm-Hmm. 1671 01:10:18,775 --> 01:10:20,135 up with that can be recycled. 1672 01:10:20,315 --> 01:10:21,575 The box can be recycled. 1673 01:10:21,875 --> 01:10:24,375 The, the tape, technically it's paper. 1674 01:10:24,435 --> 01:10:28,415 It should be, but it has a, a, uh, material in it. 1675 01:10:28,415 --> 01:10:29,575 So I'm not sure. And then 1676 01:10:29,575 --> 01:10:31,095 of course the bubble wrap, you can't recycle. 1677 01:10:31,255 --> 01:10:32,815 I know. But we try to make most 1678 01:10:32,815 --> 01:10:35,055 of our packaging like actually recyclable, so. 1679 01:10:35,055 --> 01:10:36,055 Yeah. Yeah. 1680 01:10:36,055 --> 01:10:37,935 If you, it's kind, if you were to send it back to us, 1681 01:10:37,955 --> 01:10:39,375 it would come back in such rough shape. 1682 01:10:39,375 --> 01:10:43,495 Mm-Hmm. such rough shape. So. Okay. 1683 01:10:46,845 --> 01:10:49,655 Okay. I think we're gonna go. I did not eat lunch. 1684 01:10:49,875 --> 01:10:52,055 We were the, everything got pushed back 1685 01:10:52,335 --> 01:10:55,095 'cause the recording issues the technical difficulty. 1686 01:10:55,155 --> 01:10:57,975 Yep. So I ate a handful of jelly beans, uh, 1687 01:10:58,035 --> 01:11:01,935 to get the, the quick burst of, uh, energy from the sugar. 1688 01:11:02,575 --> 01:11:03,775 I did not eat actual lunch. 1689 01:11:04,835 --> 01:11:06,615 And I have a book calling my name. Mm-Hmm. . 1690 01:11:07,195 --> 01:11:09,455 So I should eat lunch and read my book. Yep. Mm-Hmm. 1691 01:11:09,495 --> 01:11:11,295 . And I got stuff to do. Yeah. 1692 01:11:11,455 --> 01:11:12,455 'cause you're more productive than me 1693 01:11:13,035 --> 01:11:14,965 because I can't, I cannot focus. 1694 01:11:15,875 --> 01:11:20,155 It's gone. It's bad. Anyway, we're gonna go. Alright. 1695 01:11:20,165 --> 01:11:22,275 Could I, could I be here and chitchat all day? 1696 01:11:22,275 --> 01:11:23,515 Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Yes I could. Yes I could. 1697 01:11:23,515 --> 01:11:24,675 Nobody wants that. Okay. 1698 01:11:24,675 --> 01:11:26,915 We're gonna go all uh, thanks for sticking with us 1699 01:11:27,055 --> 01:11:29,475 to the bitter end and we will see y'all later. 1700 01:11:29,475 --> 01:11:31,435 Alright. Okay. Bye. Bye.