- You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast,
episode 3 87.
Kayla, the Lord's Here're, the one, the only,
the only person who can have a discussion with me.
And it sounds to the outsiders,
like we're actually arguing John Brownstone .
- It's that Italian in me,
- I think.
So it's also that, um, I'm me .
And once I feel safe with somebody,
I'll let them know when I don't agree with them.
. Until then, I will not, but yeah, yeah.
Uh, no, we just recorded, uh, Monday's, um, podcast
episode and we didn't disagree on anything,
but there's a moment where I'm like, wow,
we sound like we're unhappy with what .
We really aren't. So if you get that vibe,
just know we really aren't.
I dunno what happened there.
, , uh, that's not what we're here for. No.
Uh, in this, this week's episode, this week, uh, we asked
for your questions over at that handle
that I will forever fucking hate.
Um, if you're like, why do you hate that handle?
Check some of the previous q and a episodes.
'cause it invariably gets asked and , I hate it.
But I'll tell you this short, short, short story.
The Instagram handle is hated
because it is not our fucking name.
And no, I can't change it. I there's a whole story there.
I'm not getting into it. Anyway, anyway, it's,
- Thank you, Mo let's move on.
- It's hated it because it's not our name
and No, I can't change it.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Moving on.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast.
, this is your first time listening. Yes. Yes.
It's, it's often like this, and we're glad to have you.
Hopefully we haven't scared you away.
, if you're back for another week, welcome back.
Loving BDSM is produced every Monday
and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education.
And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add the podcast
to your favorite podcast app.
You can also follow the show on FetLife at Loving b dsm PC
that stands for podcast Y'all loving BDSM PC on Instagram
and thread to that handle.
I will forever fucking hate
loving Ds and the number one.
So that's at Loving DS one.
Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving
bdsm, where you can watch us live.
Stream the podcast every Wednesday.
All links are in the show notes. Big thanks as always.
To our kinky patrons over on Patreon,
including our newest peeps, we're able to do this.
That came out weird, including our newest peeps.
We're able to do this weird thing on the internet in large
part because of our kinky patrons,
and we are grateful for every fucking one of you.
Indeed. If you'd like to join our kinky community
and get access to extra content, like an extra video,
an extra podcast live stream, plus access
to a Discord server with a bunch of super cool,
super nice K Sters, you can do that.
Just join us at Patreon, uh, patreon.com/kayla lords.
That's patreon.com/kayla lords,
or use the link in the show notes.
Okay. So before we get into the questions, uh,
I just wanna do, uh, two things.
One, a shameless plug for our Etsy shop,
because I've been adding new stuff to it.
Very proud of me. Um, added new shirts, added new,
uh, coffee mugs.
And these are the big 15 ounce coffee mugs.
I do not fuck with those little 11 ounce,
like it's three sips of coffee or hot chocolate or hot tea.
No, we are a 15 ounce mug entity over here. Okay.
. So we have mugs on our Etsy shop.
I just added more planner sheets.
Um, Patreon at the $10 and up levels, get it for free.
Um, patrons at lower levels get it at a crazy deep discount.
Uh, but it's also just available if you are
looking for digital planner sheets.
Yay. Okay. Etsy.
And the link is in the places,
but if you're like, I do not wanna go look at the places
for the link, if you just go to Etsy
and search loving BDSM, we pop right the fuck up.
Uh, so yeah.
Second, it's not meant to be a promotional announcement,
but it's, it's a disclaimer.
Most of the questions we received are about kink,
uh, DS, stuff like that.
I think maybe something about us, but I can't remember.
We'll figure it out as we go through the questions.
However, I will
absolutely have us answer questions about the kry,
the kry.com JBS shop.
Okay. . So if it seems a little
self-promotional, it fucking is the question was asked,
we will answer it there.
Okay. Disclaimer. Okay. Let's get into these questions.
Uh, but I don't know, I don't know.
I don't know if we'll be fast or if we will not be.
First question. How can a submissive get over the age
gap of someone the same age as your oldest child?
So there's an age gap of someone.
Is it that the age gap between you is the same amount
as the oldest child or the age gap is so broad?
One partner is the age of the older partner's,
oldest child, whichever way that's meant
to go there is clearly Mm-Hmm.
an age gap that is making somebody feel a way.
Yeah. So I, first of all, I would say
submissive dumb it.
The question should be how can a person,
I don't think the role matters.
Um, what are your initial thoughts?
I have thoughts, but what are your initial thoughts?
- Um, I don't know that that can be a tough one.
It, you know, even for us in the beginning,
I had a bit of a, um,
concern about our age gap. Sure.
- It was 18 years for sure. For
- Sure.
Yeah. And, uh, I, I kept trying to dissuade you.
- Yeah. But here's the thing then.
So this is not about this question. Yeah. No.
We're gonna have, uh, relationship therapy here. .
You were weirded out by the age gap
and tried to dissuade me.
Mm-Hmm. , who was not at all
weirded out by the age gap.
I just did, I mean, did I check his family line
to make sure there was longevity there?
Sure, I did. Okay.
I was a lot more comfortable once I realized that
his family members tend to live to be in their eighties
and nineties and close to or at a hundred.
Okay. I was feeling much better at that point. Mm-Hmm.
. But if you were uncomfortable about it,
why would you have to dissuade me?
- Because, because it's
- Your feeling.
I was like, sitting here chilling, .
I was like, yeah, we're doing the thing.
- You're right. And, um, you know, I,
I don't know what the, the magical moment was for it.
Okay. Um, but
after we got to know each other
and realized that we had a lot in common and,
and we were compatible in so many ways, um, I
didn't even really consider the age gap anymore. Mm-Hmm.
- No. I mean, when my anxiety is,
is anxiety, um, really bad.
Mm-Hmm. when it's really bad, I don't,
the worry I have about the age gap is
that you will leave this earthly plane before me.
Which I mean, odds are good. Odds are good. Mm-Hmm.
Of course, I do point out that in my family,
most of us don't get past our sixties,
so we kind of even out.
Right. , um, .
But when my anxiety is high
and I can't just, it, the worry won't shut off.
My worry is always that I will lose you
before I'm ready to lose you.
Mm-Hmm. , we are not having this conversation.
'cause I'll start crying and then
that'll be what I worry about tonight.
Mm-Hmm. .
Beyond that, I don't really think about the age gap. Right.
I think it is just not a thing.
My point to this question, here are my thoughts.
Let me pull it back up. 'cause I don't
wanna misquote anything.
Yeah. You can't make
somebody get over a thing
that maybe they're a little weirded out about.
They either choose to have uncomfortable feelings
and stay there until maybe they, they Mm-Hmm.
time, I mean, time after time. Yeah.
And, and a little bit deeper into the relationship.
You Mm-Hmm. were fine with it.
It stopped being a weird thing. Right.
- And I, and I think that's, that's absolutely the,
the best point of that is that, you know, there, there is no
magic bullet for that.
- No. And a person gets to have, this is one
of those times where this is preference.
Mm-Hmm. , a person gets to go, no,
that's too big of a gap for me.
Or that's too young of a person for me. Yeah.
Or that this just weirds me out a bit
and I don't wanna do this.
And so a person gets to decide that.
If they are saying, okay, this is weird to me,
but I want to explore this relationship
with you, then mm-Hmm.
they're acknowledging their weird feelings,
but I don't wanna say weird.
They're not weird. They're,
they're acknowledging their fears and, and saying,
but here, let's find out what happens.
Now what that might mean is they go along this path
and that never stops being a problem for them.
And then that's an incompatibility. Yeah.
It could be that it becomes normal to them.
Um, either, you know, are they worried about, um,
pushback from strangers, from family members, from friends?
Right. Are they worried about,
are they basing their discomfort on things
that they have heard other people say about age gaps?
Like if there's a reason for
the age, the, the discomfort
that is not purely about this just makes me uncomfortable.
And it's more of a here are my fears. Mm-Hmm.
, here are my worries. Yeah.
Then maybe there's room
for a conversation about those fears and worries.
And then it's just a matter of time. Yeah.
But always, always, always a person gets to go. Yeah.
No, that's for me.
Now, first of all, I can't imagine being
with anybody younger than me.
I'm just not usually built that way.
They'd have, I mean, they'd have to come
with some strong ass, do energy, like strong .
They'd have to be one of those old soul people
to be younger than me and to appeal to me.
That being said, when I think about it in sort of the,
there's a word I wanted
and I can't think of it, um, abstract.
Anybody who is close to my child's age, that
that's always gonna be too young.
If I can do the math in my head
and go, I could have birthed you
for me, that, that's too young. That's,
- That's your the boundary that gets to my choice.
That's a boundary for you. Yeah. Right.
- And that's okay. That doesn't mean
that I look at other people with age gaps
that I would not engage in
and go, oh, they're wrong. I just go, it's
- Not for you. It's not
- For me.
Yeah. So, yeah.
- And - It's mostly time and comfort.
If they're time and comfort, they're
willing to try to work through it.
- And, and I, and I think a lot of what you have
to think about too is, you know, are, are both
of you consenting adults?
Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. , you know?
Mm-Hmm. . Do you both consent to this? Right.
And, you know, nobody is being
hurt by this.
And, and you have a compatibility with your kink.
You know, if you are looking for something beyond the kink
and, and there is a compatibility outside of the kink,
then you know, really nothing wrong with it. Right.
- I, I think it comes down to where's
the discomfort coming from?
You know, if it's just a note, this is, this is too much
for me, then that, that is what it is.
If it's a, I'm uncertain about this,
but I'm interested in you, that's different.
And that's time and trust. Mm-Hmm. .
But then the, the ultimate decision can still be, uh, no,
I still don't, I still don't like this one.
Yeah. And that's okay. Mm-Hmm. . Okay.
Next question. Uh, how to talk to a partner about us stuff
when they're having a tough time
and then they go, I've been waiting,
which makes me think they've been waiting
to talk about the US stuff
and the partner is having a hard time.
Yeah. Um, what are your
thoughts? Um, because we've been there.
- I, I don't think there is a good time. Never.
You know, there, there, if you wait for the perfect moment,
that perfect moment will never appear.
Or that perfect moment will pass so quickly.
- . Right. , - You know.
- Yeah. No, I, I think there you have to look
for the good enough moment . Yeah.
- You know, and, and, and you just kind of need to sit down
and, and talk it out.
- But here's the thing. If, if your partner is going
through a tough time and they acknowledge that they're going
through a tough time, and you can, you, you are like, yeah,
I see this, this is a tough time.
It's not that you never talk about it, it's
that likely you plan it a little further in advance instead
of jumping at the time.
You're like, Ooh, this could be the time. Mm-Hmm.
that will probably not do any good
unless it's something that they are eager
to talk to you about as well.
And they're coming to you to go,
Hey, I'm feeling good right now.
Let's do this. If you're up for it, that might happen.
Great. If it does, most likely though, ,
you're gonna have to go, Hey, I know you're going
through a tough time, but there's some stuff
we need to talk about.
And I've been waiting however long you've been waiting,
and maybe it's an ongoing issue.
And they even did that whole thing.
We will talk about it later.
There's nothing wrong with going,
and you said we would talk about this later.
Uh, let us, can we plan a time this weekend?
Your day off Mm-Hmm. this evening,
like enough in advance that they don't maybe feel like it's,
it's happening like in the next five
minutes and they're unprepared.
Yeah. But not so far in advance that it's really easy to go,
you know, oh, you know,
something can come up or get in the way of it.
So a couple of days the following weekend Mm-Hmm.
like wherever you're at, and just fucking plan
the conversation and go, look, I know
that this is a rough time for you,
so maybe we don't do the whole conversation,
but I need 20 minutes.
I need to deal with this one issue
instead of maybe all of the
- Issues.
And, you know, what if, if the other person is going
through, through a rough time, you know,
whether they're busy at work or, you know,
other things are going on, um, you know, make it so it,
it's a little bit more relaxing.
You know, do it over a, a favorite dessert or Mm-Hmm.
, you know, a meal
or, or something like that, you know? Right.
- Go for a walk together. Yeah.
Have time where you're together in as stress free of
a moment as possible.
Right. So like, if you have,
if you're raising children together,
make sure it's not at a time when
they're screaming in the background.
Right. . Yeah. Oh yeah.
If you work like odd schedules
and maybe you, your schedules don't always line up.
This might mean it takes a little bit longer,
but look for a time when you will be together.
Mm-Hmm. . Um, but yeah, I, it is very,
very easy to put off a spontaneous conversation
that you know needs to happen
because you'll wait for the quote.
Perfect time. And that never,
like you said, that never exists.
Mm-Hmm. better to just approach your person
and go, Hey, we need, we need to have this conversation.
Remind them if it was something
that's already been brought up and then schedule it.
Yeah. And that is, it's not perfect, but it's better.
You'll, you might even have to reschedule a couple of times,
but eventually you can get there, assuming
that they're willing to do that with you.
And if they're not willing to do that with you, I,
I feel like you got deeper issues, is all I'm saying.
True. True. Next question.
If you could create your own personal playroom,
would JB be able to build the furniture?
- Um, I think I would.
- Do you anticipate, like we've talked about, um, a St.
Andrew's cross a spanking bench Mm-Hmm.
of which you can get plans for those things on
how you can purchase plans, correct?
Mm-Hmm. , do you feel based on
what you know about those things, that you have the tools
or would it require a new tool?
- I think I got what it takes.
- I know you do . I know you do.
That has never stopped you from wanting a new tool. Sorry.
- You know, didn't I, didn't I send you that, um,
thing about, about the tools, about how you,
you buy a tool Yes.
And you use it to do a job tool math. Yeah. Yeah. Tool
- Math.
Right. And eventually it's, so it's invaluable because
- It, it is invaluable. Saved
- You tens of thousands, - Save
saves you tens of thousands dollars.
And with that sa money that you saved, you buy more tools.
- Right. But we are, we are broke. Broke, so no, we do not
- Do that.
- No.
We can't even put our thermostat on the
temperature we want it on,
- On.
I know, right? Okay. Yeah. No, no,
- I'm with it. But with what you currently
- Have, but anyway, but with what I currently have,
I would feel comfortable to say yes.
- Okay. With the skills you have as well. Yes.
You feel like you've got what you need. Yes.
You could do it. Yes. There you go. Okay. This one, .
- No, - This question is sort of a big broad question.
So I'm, we will not be able to give a complete answer
because that would be a whole episode,
but we will do our best.
I have just discovered at 45 female that I'm into BDSM
and definitely a service sub.
How do I get started?
- Say that again. - I'm 45 female Uhhuh ,
and I'm just figured out I'm a service sub and into BDSM.
How do I get started?
- Um, find a munch or a community and, and you
- Always wanna send people out into the wild, oh,
you just learned what letters BDSM stand for, go
to a man, , and I'm over here.
Like, I want you to find some videos, a podcast,
a blog, a book.
I would like you to educate yourself, .
So basically you could do both of those things
or pick the one that actually fits your personality.
Some people are extroverts, so like,
you're telling me there are meetups
and I could go both eat a delicious meal
and meet new people.
They're they're there
- For it.
And, and discuss kinky things. They're
- There for it.
Yeah. That's a great, that's a great
way to get started, right?
For the rest of us, normal human beings
who are like, hell no.
- Uh, wait, I don't, I think you have that flipped
- .
Anyway, my advice for the person who's not gonna run out
to a munch on their first day in k uh, is
to keep learning as much as you can.
And learning can look like a lot of different things.
I mean, it is okay, you know, you're a service sub.
Well, maybe you learn more about what
that can look like and what that can mean.
Um, there is, uh, just learning what BDSM means.
Oh, here's, here's a shameless self-promotion.
Shameless.
We have a workbook on our Etsy shop called 30 Days of Ds.
It's the very first thing we ever made.
And, um, it's been refined and improved over the years.
Mm-Hmm. . And it is designed specifically
for the newbie who's like,
I don't even know what I don't know.
Right. Because yeah, when you realize you're kinky
and you're like, oh, there's this entire world
of BDSM trying
to learn about it can be like drinking from a fire hose.
Like it's just too much coming at you all at once
with 30 days of Ds.
We broke it up into 30 days.
But it could take as long as it takes
with prompts and concepts.
You can piece by piece start figuring out
what these different concepts are
and how you feel about them.
So that's one way. Find something like that.
Um, as somebody who's submissive is this question, um,
indicates, uh, there's sites like Submissive Guide,
which is a great one, right.
Specifically for submissives.
Um, there's the new bottoming book, which isn't just
for submissives, but there's definitely plenty there.
Mm-Hmm. . If, if you know you're not great at
communication, go ahead and just get tongue
tied by Stella Harris. Um,
- Yeah.
And improve your
communication skills, an excellent, excellent book.
- 'cause you're gonna need 'em. Somebody said in the live
chat, ignore FetLife dom dms.
Yep. Yep. You can go on fe life.
There's nothing wrong with that. Mm-Hmm. .
Um, but you're probably gonna wanna ignore most
of the unsolicited dms
- You get.
Right. Fe fe life can be a,
a double-edged sword of sorts.
Okay. There is a lot of great information on there, um,
groups where you can learn things about, you know,
being a submissive
or, you know, different, different aspects of,
of being a mask is,
and anything you wanna learn about,
you can pretty much find it on FetLife.
Um, the other side to that, um, it is a social media site,
so you're going to get all the kaka
that comes along with that.
- Right. And, and it's gonna be more nudity
because at least on the, the non-sexual social media,
they technically don't allow it.
Mostly except for Twitter. Because Twitter is Twitter.
Mm-Hmm. . And so you might, you,
you just see less of it on like a Facebook or an Instagram
or wherever, but on fat, you are guaranteed
to see all of the body parts.
Yeah. Um, it's, and that's fine.
People can do what they want on their own page. Mm-Hmm.
it's more of the, you know,
get somebody sliding into your dms and being grotesque.
- Yeah. So, you know, you, you, while FetLife in
and of itself is a, a, a good tool to use, um, you know,
you also have to learn about block button
and, you know, ignoring folks
- And on every social media channel.
Yeah. Just, yeah. Um, okay. Next question.
Mm-Hmm. , do you guys
ever wish you were vanilla?
I live the vanilla life and I have completely rejected it.
No, no, no. I'm so grateful. No. That
- I'm not living, living that life.
No. I, I, I had to think about it
for a second there, but, you know.
Yeah. No. Mm-Hmm. Nom,
- Nope.
I am more fulfilled as a human being.
I have a better relationship than I've ever had ever, uh,
my communication skills have just gotten fucking better.
Um, I know more about myself than I ever thought. Mm-Hmm.
possible. Mm-Hmm. . I feel more
myself than I ever thought possible.
It's all, it's all because I went, oh, yeah, I'm kinky,
and here's, let's go figure out what that means.
Um, and then to be in a relationship with somebody who is my
complimentary counterpart.
And even when it's rough, it's still fucking worth it.
And, you know, yeah.
It's still better than not being together
and not being kinky, so. Yeah. Yeah.
- And, and you know, it's funny, silent mention,
you're not safe, uh, from dms, you know,
on just on fe, you know, instant Tumblr, all of them.
All, all of them. Uh, you know, my
- Twitter dms are grotesque as well.
- If, if you, you know, are on one of those spaces and,
and you identify, you know, as in either way, shape
or form as, as kinky, um, you're gonna get messages.
You would not believe the amount
of messages I get on Instagram asking me to submit
- So adorable.
Yeah. It's like they don't read bios, right.
- ? Um, - Yeah. Okay. Next question.
How do you budget for kink
or cost save for quality products and items?
Leather especially Mm-Hmm.
Like how do you budget for your,
your kink stuff, your, um, products, your toys, your,
- Just like anything else.
Do just make our own . Well, well, we, yeah.
For us, for the most part, we make, make our own on a lot
of the things, but, um, it's,
it's no different than, uh, budgeting for
say like, um, you know, for a coffee allowance.
Sure. You know, for the, for the month.
Um, you know, you, you take it, it's like anything else.
You, you see something you want, um, you know, yes.
Quality toys are not cheap. No.
You know, and, and you maybe have a swear jar. You know?
My gosh, if, if we had a swear jar in this house every time
this one dropped an f-bomb, we,
we could buy more shit than we don't have
- Enough money to cover a swear jar
- .
- Yeah. If we had a swear jar,
maybe I could set the thermostat 72 year round
just saying .
- But yeah, I, I mean, it's just a matter of, you know, kind
of factoring into your budget.
- Right? And it's, it's a matter
of figuring out what's important to you in terms of
what is it you really want.
Right. And what you can afford. So, Mm-Hmm.
gonna have to look at your own
personal budget.
What's your income? What are your expenses? Right.
Is this something that you save up for long term?
That's one thing. Um, I, I recognize anybody
who cringed at that because they're impatient.
I too, 'em impatient. I have a, and I can't always do it,
but I have a little auto savings thing.
It's 10 bucks a month, it just goes over there.
What am I gonna do with it? I don't know.
It's just happening. It's just going over there.
And if I think about it too hard, I will be very impatient.
$10 each month is not a lot. Right? Yeah.
Um, maybe for other people it's $10 in a week.
It's a hundred dollars in a month,
you just put it to the side somewhere.
Mm-Hmm. do an auto, uh, transfer,
whether it's straight from a paycheck
or straight from a bank account.
Right. So you don't really have to think about it.
Um, but, and then it depends on
what it is you're trying to purchase.
If sometimes we will always advocate for,
spend a little extra, get something
that's designed to last long term.
However, we are also broke bitches.
So sometimes you just buy what you can fucking afford
is the thing you want available at a lower cost.
And is the fact that that might be lower quality,
it might not last as long.
Okay. With you. Like if something could last a couple
of years and it'd be $20, get the fucking thing for $20.
If you have it and the thing you really want
that's gonna last your lifetime is 200, save up for it.
Right. Um, I am not above, we don't do it anymore.
'cause we're people with
kids in a mortgage and all of that.
But when, if, if you happen to get a tax refund,
we do household stuff, now we're those people.
But sometimes that's the time you go, Ooh, I can pull
some money from that and I can get some kink toys
and this is my big purchase and my big splurge for the year.
Maybe you get a bonus at work. Mm-Hmm.
corporations still give bonuses, I dunno,
, but maybe you got one.
Right? Like a little bit of extra money fell in your lap
and you're like, what do I do with it if you don't have
to put tires on your car, .
- Right. - Maybe you can buy the kink toy.
But it's, no, it's like,
it's no different than any other expenditure.
It's just, I think it feels a little bit more fraught
because it's tied to our pleasure and our desires
and our kinks and our, our, uh, the wanting
to do the thing yesterday.
Why can't I have the toy already? Yeah. Kind of feeling.
So, um, and yeah.
As, um, uh, ra RA's mentioning,
she's teaching a class on perverts Mm-Hmm.
at the end of March. Perverts are also
a great alternative if there is no budget's.
True. Or while that's save up for the thing that
- You want in the meantime. Yeah. Right,
- Right, right.
So, okay. Uh, next question. Mm-Hmm.
How do you fulfill your sub duties when sick?
They're recovering from covid,
so that's where their question's gonna go.
Okay. Uh, I fucking don't, it depends on what kind of sick.
Yeah. If I'm the sniffly, just kind of vaguely sort of, uh,
I'm gonna do as much as I can,
but I'm gonna let JB know how I feel.
Mm-Hmm. , I, if I don't think I can do
something, even if I'm doing other things, I'm gonna say,
Hey, I don't think I can do this.
How do you feel about that?
JB being jb he's gonna go don't,
he might even if I'm just a little sniffly, tell me
to sit my ass down and don't worry about
- Anything.
And, and that, yeah.
There, there, there have been times I've told her
to sit her ass down not to move.
Right. And, and she's done until she's better. But
- That's the thing, if I'm sick, especially if I'm the kind
of sick where I don't wanna move or I can't Mm-Hmm.
, I don't have energy, or I have
to use all the energy I have just to like, do the things
that I have zero option on raising a kid, you know,
doing a work thing, whatever, whatever.
Then I'm not worried about doing my submissive stuff.
And I have a partner who is not worried about me
doing my submissive stuff.
No. Um, we, we are, we are not doing rocket science
or brain surgery over here.
There is not a fucking thing I do as a submissive that is
so important that I can't,
that it's impossible for me to take a break.
Right. We just, it's, it's
- Not, - You know, it's serious, but it's not that
- Serious.
I, I, I look at it this way
and, you know, I can understand your,
your feelings about, you know, being submissive
and wanting to do what you do.
Mm-Hmm. as a submissive for your person.
I know that because I see what this one right here,
sitting next to me, does, you know?
But if she is not feeling well,
the last thing I wanna do is have her try
to do all the things she's supposed to do.
Because one, it's not gonna be good for her.
I'm gonna take away from her getting better
and two, not feeling good like that.
I know she's not gonna perform up to a hundred percent
want her to get better, fully better so
that she can do all the things
and not be miserable doing them. Right.
- And I'm gonna give serious side eye to any Mr out there
who has a dominant partner who is not gonna understand
that you're, you're sick
and you what you need is rest and to get better.
Mm-Hmm. . And your, your tasks, your duties,
the things that you've agreed to do,
sometimes just have to, to right.
Pause for a beat. Yep.
Um, because if I'm not allowed
to get better, then I don't get better.
I actually get worse. And then that's
that much longer that I can't Right.
Fully do the things that I would
like to do that I've agreed to do.
So yeah. That's, that's that on that. Mm-Hmm. .
Yeah. Uh, the next question, Kayla,
how do you balance being a mom living your daily life
and being a submissive ?
I'm gonna say 90% of the time I don't.
Um, , there's no balance. It's, it's a seesaw. Okay.
The moment I'm focusing on one thing that needs me
and that seesaw goes down, the other thing goes up,
whatever is just flies off into space and there's chaos,
and I run to the other side and I pick that up.
Um, as a submissive, most of
what I do is a submissive is completely interwoven into most
of my daily life.
Uh, not my mom's stuff, but like, just living life.
So I don't really have to balance that part,
the imbalance and the fact that there is no balances.
There's my life is a submissive and just living life.
There's the mom life and there's the business owner life.
And there is no fucking balance there at all.
It is juggling while spinning plates,
while riding a unicycle.
Okay. add in a little bit of chaos,
and like the universe going, I would like to see
how much more you can handle.
So unicycle over this banana peel.
Um, then it, then it's even less.
So I do try to prioritize day by day.
Sometimes it's hour by hour. Mm-Hmm.
, what do I have to focus on in this moment?
It makes me crazy.
It is crazy making, because there are days where I'm like,
I would really like to focus on doing these things
around the house that, you know, are just part
of living in a home.
And also make me feel good.
'cause I'm taking care of the family.
I'm taking care of jb I would love to do these things,
but also I have a kid over here who needs home help
with math homework and have a kid over here
who needs somebody to attend his band concert.
And I have a business thing over there, right.
Like, . So there are days,
it's hour by hour I'm picking.
And then most of the time when it's not too weird
around here, it's just a day by day thing where who gets
who gets the bulk of my attention and focus.
And, um, the thing that makes it very hard for me
and I struggle with is I cannot
create a routine around that.
And I don't like that .
I thrive with structure and a good routine.
Um, and the nature of our current life is every day is
so different that it is stressful to me sometimes.
And I just do the best I can any given moment of the day.
Hmm. So, yeah.
That's probably not at all helpful,
but it is the honest answer.
Okay. Um, somebody said more candles.
We want more candles at the Kry. I'm working on it. Okay.
. See, that's a shameless plug. The kry.com.
We have wax play candles, soy and paraffin. Yay.
Okay, next one.
How can a learning dom find themselves more comfortable
when starting a scene?
So a newbie, do Dom who's still figuring things
out, not comfortable.
Mm-Hmm. starting a
scene. How, how do they get there?
- Um, you know, one of the things I did early on
was I used to run scenes through my head.
Mm. mm-Hmm. . Okay.
Um, you know, well, well, before we played
or did anything, I, I would, you know,
start mapping it out in my head.
Yeah. And just kind of, I mean, just from,
from inception to, you know, what, what I'm thinking about,
um, into going into good detail with it.
And, and I think by doing that and,
and running it through my head like that, it kind
of reinforced me.
It's like, okay, yeah, I can do this.
This can, you know, this is
- The thing I'm - Gonna do.
This is the thing I'm gonna do.
- How, especially when you were newer at this,
how did you reconcile?
You had, you had kind of run through it in your head Mm-Hmm.
how you thought it was gonna go, and then in
invariably when reality struck
and it didn't quite go according to your Mm-Hmm.
internal plan. Like,
how did you feel about that? How did you adjust?
- Um, I, I think in the beginning, early,
early on, it upset me.
Mm-Hmm. . And then I realized, you know what,
it's never gonna be perfect.
Right. And,
and, you know, um, it, it's just,
it's gonna be what it's gonna be.
- Right. I think that just comes with time and
- Confidence and, and that, that comes with time.
And you know, the, the more you do it, it's,
it's like riding a bicycle, you know, muscle memory.
Muscle memory. That's, that's what,
that's what you wanna build.
Mm-Hmm. , you know,
and it's more than just a physical muscle memory.
It's that mental muscle memory as well. Sure.
- I have noticed, and I don't know if you do this,
and maybe I read too much fiction, but I'm here for it,
and maybe you have done it and I just didn't know.
'cause I can be oblivious.
A thing I've noticed that Doms sometimes do,
and I I, there's all kinds of reasons they would do it.
Mm-Hmm. , one of those would be
to signal a start to the moment,
and also to give themselves time to like take a breath,
is they get their submissive into some sort
of starting position.
And that might be pre-negotiated.
It might be a command given at the start of the scene.
Something that indicates the scene is starting.
And you, I know you love to do this.
I don't know your reasons, but I know you love to do it.
You'll have me get into a position Mm-Hmm. .
And then just leave me there for, to me,
in my impatient brain, it feels like I'm there forever.
It's like a minute. If that is that,
- It's the building of anticipation.
- It's the what will she do when she gets really impatient?
How can I then, you know, air quote, punish her
for, for getting impatient.
I know what it is. It's part of the game, .
But have you ever used a moment like that
or heard of somebody using a moment like that just to like,
as the dom kind of get yourself together, take a beat,
breathe, go.
Okay, they're there, we're starting Mm-Hmm. ,
- What - Do I want to do first?
Yeah. Like, am I just made
that up in my head or read too much fiction?
Or is that like a potential
- Strategy?
I, I wouldn't say I do it all the time, but I have done it.
Mm-Hmm. at at times. Yes. Right.
- And I, I think that, you know,
Having those moments to give, to remind yourself
that you are in control here.
Your submissive is given their consent for you
to take the lead, and then they go do this the
first thing you tell them to do.
Right. Get on your knees,
bend over the bed, take your clothes off.
Like what, whatever, whatever.
I think that's, that's the start of these little steps
that build confidence
because I think there's also that in my mind,
a scene and not mine.
The mm-Hmm. generic. My mind scene.
It's this really complicated complex,
all these moving parts things, blah, blah, blah.
And that can be very overwhelming for somebody
who doesn't have a lot of experience with a scene like that.
True. And a scene can literally be one action, a few words.
Right. Like, it doesn't have to, and, and
- I was be that elabor elaborate, and I was,
and I was gonna say, you know, is especially if, if it's
for someone new, don't, don't make it
so elaborate.
Mm-Hmm. , you know, that,
that you're overwhelmed.
Start with a small scene. Just do a spanking. Right. Okay.
You know, and, and that's all it takes.
And, and from there you add a little bit, add a little bit,
add a little bit until you get to where you want to be.
- Right. We've had scenes and I don't know if it's
'cause you were tired, I don't know if it's
'cause you were like, ah, I, I wanna fuck around,
but I don't have any ideas right now.
We've had scenes where most of it was just you telling me
to do things and watching me do them,
you know, take off your clothes.
Mm-Hmm. Neil, when I,
when these knees would still let me crawl, right?
Mm-Hmm. . And it was just,
you were not even doing anything major.
I wasn't doing anything major.
It was you sort of quietly
exerting control.
Correct. And me doing what you said,
and it might be 15 minutes, it might be an hour.
Mm-Hmm. . And that's a scene.
And there wasn't, there wasn't any equipment to it.
There wasn't any roleplay, dirty talk.
You didn't have to do five different kinks at once.
- No. no.
- And I that Yeah. When, when you're still learning
and you're trying to build your confidence
and you haven't done a lot of scenes.
Yeah. Start simple. Right? Start it. Yeah.
Don't, don't worry about,
- I mean that's, that's, that's the,
- The major production yet that's,
- That, that's the best way to build your confidence.
Mm-Hmm. , you know, start small.
If you try to do too much, you're going
to overwhelm yourself and,
and that's not good. Mm-Hmm. .
- Mm-Hmm. . Okay, next one.
- All right. - For Doms, setting boundaries. Mm-Hmm.
, why does it hurt different when a sub chooses
to breach those boundaries?
So I'm gonna go ahead and insert myself
and say, I don't think a dom being, you know,
a sub not doing whatever or a breach of trust Mm-Hmm.
from a sub is somehow worse
or better than when a dom does it.
I think, I think it's more about the power exchange
and when a boundary is, you know, yeah.
Ignored in power exchange
or when there's a problem in power exchange, I think most
of us probably would probably agree
that it feels somehow deeper
and more hurtful than a non kink relationship.
I think that's a common Mm-Hmm.
thing that a lot of us have expressed before.
Right. Um, but from a Doms perspective Mm-Hmm.
, um, what, what would you say?
- Gimme the question again
- For Doms?
Mm-Hmm. setting boundaries. Right.
Why does it hurt different when a sub chooses
to breach those boundaries?
Mm-Hmm.
- Well, , you know, when,
when breach boundaries like that, it's,
it's a break of trust.
Mm-Hmm. it, you know, that's,
that's pretty much it.
Um, you know, and,
and I'm don't know how they, um, mean this question
per se, because there's two ways I think you look at it.
Um, you know, as you dom is your daddy,
I set a boundary for you.
- Okay. And then I go off and do whatever the
- Fuck I want and you go off and do whatever I want.
Could not be me. Alright.
or, you know, it,
it could be I have a personal boundary.
Right. Alright.
And, and I tell you, you know, this, this is, this is it,
this is something you're
- Not allowed - To do with not allowed with me.
I'm not gonna accept. All right. Right.
And, and you crossed that line. Right.
So I mean, that, that's two possible ways
of looking at this question.
Absolutely. But either way, it's a breach of trust. Right.
- You can't, how do you trust the person
who just wa walked all over a rule
or a thing they agreed to do or
- Not to do?
Yeah. Right. Yeah. I I mean it's, it's the same thing.
And I'm gonna use this as an example
and I've used it an example in the past.
Um, it's, it's the same thing as going into a scene
with somebody and, you know, having
things set in place, you know, what's your safe word
and tell me, and even though they should have,
they don't use the safe word. Right?
- Yeah. - Okay. You know, that is a big .
- Right. It, it breaks trust
because then you then cannot depend on that person.
Right. To not do that in the future. Mm-Hmm. .
Right. I get it. And the,
the question about why does it hurt worse?
Again, let's go back to this is not unique to
subs, you know, hurting their doms.
It goes, it goes all the ways
with all of these relationships.
And I think that why it feels like it hurts worse if you're
comparing it to previous non kink relationships.
Mm-Hmm. , is that the, what we do
to create a power exchange
that is hopefully happy and healthy.
Right? Right. Or is trying to get there feels
and often is more in depth than what we do
for non-kin relationships now.
Correct. Should non kinky relationships stay
that surface level and no, we should go
that in depth with all kinds
- Of relationships.
- With all Yeah. But in general we don't,
and most of us are first time really clearly communicating
needs and wants and desires and boundaries.
Mm-Hmm. and getting that kind of communication
and return and getting that level
of trust with another partner.
For a lot of us, the first time we get
that is in power exchange.
So when somebody violates that, it can be heart-wrenching.
Yeah. 'cause you're like, wait, we did all the work.
I gave you all this trust, I depended on you
to do the thing you said you would do.
And this is supposed to be different from a
non kink situation.
Mm-Hmm. This is heartbreaking.
- Right. And and that's what even makes a, a DS breakup.
Yes. That much more Yes.
Intense than, than other relationships at times.
You know, when you go into a DS relationship like that,
if you're doing it right and you're communicating and, and,
and you're building the trust
and the respect, you also allow yourself
to be very vulnerable.
- Yeah. It's soul bearing - For sure. Okay.
And, and when you allow yourself to be vulnerable
to those levels, yes it can. Right.
- It's, it's a big risk, big reward when it works
and when everybody involved take that vulnerability
and intimacy seriously.
Mm-Hmm. , it's fucking amazing.
And when somebody fucks it up right,
by not being trustworthy and not having integrity
or whatever, whatever the situation is, then it's
the opposite end of
that spectrum then it's the most heartbreaking thing you've
ever gone through in your life.
Right? Yeah. Um,
and that, that I think I agree with the completely
that's where that comes from.
Yeah. That does not mean you should not be
vulnerable with the next partner.
It does not necessarily mean
that the relationship cannot be salvaged.
You know, sometimes it does.
Sometimes it's, it's a step too far.
Sometimes it's, this wasn't your first
time you keep doing this.
Sometimes you were getting played by,
you know, a fake, right?
Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Like those
things happen, but sometimes it's
'cause somebody fell back on old habits and,
and you know, not great behaviors
and sometimes it's a miscommunication
and sometimes it's whatever.
And I think it's okay if you go, I don't care
that this is under understandable
and I know why you did this.
I I can't continue this. I that's valid.
I am that kind of person most of the time.
Um, but it's also okay to go, okay, can we talk this out?
Can we try again?
You know, the, the scary thing,
and I tend to see this mostly in submissives.
I, I'm sure it happens to doms,
but I don't really see it that often is sometimes we give
our partner too many chances
and we give them too many opportunities to cause harm
and they do, and we get stuck in this,
but this is the only person I'll ever get
to be my dom or sub.
And so I guess I'm No, that is never true scarcity thing.
No. There's somebody out there, they
will almost never be like in a drive
within driving distance.
They just they will be on another
continent across some large body
of water, but they will be out there.
Yeah. So, okay.
- Yeah. I finally met somebody with, uh,
compatible kinks in their four times zones away. Right.
- . Right. Didn't say it would be easy,
but I I do believe they're out there.
Right. Okay, next question.
Uh, this is about the kry shameless uhuh plug kry.com.
Do y'all make every cane to order
or do you have a stockpile you pull from?
Uh, if it's a wooden handle, we pre-make those. Right.
Uh, except when we're sold out and I, mm-Hmm.
, I'm waiting on JB to make more. Right.
- . Huh? Is that a hint? ? Yes.
- Yeah, it's, yes. I'm out a quarter
- Inch cane.
Yes, I know . Okay. So, you know Yeah.
The, the wooden cane handles, um,
- So it's, it's white Dell RIN is the cane,
and then the handle is
- Wood is wooden.
Um, you know, yes. Those, those are made ahead. Mm-Hmm.
because those are, are pretty standard.
Uh, as far as the, um, resin handles though,
those are made to order.
Yep. Okay. Once we get an order in and,
and folks have chosen their colors,
that's when the clock starts.
- Right. And those are, yeah, those,
because you pick your colors.
Right. If we're making a,
so if you didn't know@thekinky.com, we sell canes.
Mm-Hmm. we sell two sizes
and we sell two variations.
Right. The two sizes are quarter inch.
That is gonna be a very whippy, very stingy,
very burny fucking cane.
Mm-Hmm. and three eighths, which is thicker.
So not whippy, but still burny
because that's what, that's what canes do,
but it's also got a thud to it.
So of those two sizes, we sell two variations. Mm-Hmm.
one with a wooden handle. Those come pre-made
one with a resin handle.
Mm-Hmm. where we pour
that cane handle once you order it,
because you can pick your colors, you can pick one color,
you can pick up to two colors. So,
- Okay.
And there, there was a kind
of a follow up question asked in the chat to this.
Uh, it says is because demand is so high
that you do customs, um, not necessarily in,
in the beginning when I first started playing with the, um,
with the resin handles for the canes, um,
I, I picked some colors.
I, I poured the resin and, and did that and,
and we did do, you know, uh, certain colors
and it got to the point that, um,
people were like, well, can you do these colors
or can you do those colors?
And, and this, and, and it was
after some discussion, rather than make a bunch of handles
and have them sit and come, you know, to find their person.
And resin is expensive, Micah is expensive.
Uh, we decided to go ahead and do it as custom orders.
Um, that way we pour the resin as we need it. Mm-Hmm.
and people get to pick the colors they want.
Right. It's right off the bat
- We are and probably will be forever while
the kry is in existence.
Mm-Hmm. our unlimited space,
we are also limited in manpower.
It's just the two of us. Right.
I'm not allowed to touch a blade
because I like having all my fingers.
Thanks . So certain things
that we can make in advance
and just have stocked, we will absolutely do that.
Yeah. Certain things where there's, we want
to give people choice
and we also don't wanna make a shit ton.
Right. And then not, you know,
it never move, then we do it like that.
Resin was an easy one. I'm actually thinking of doing that
with another product we have where color is involved
so people can just order the fucking color they want.
Mm-Hmm. . Um, but um, yeah,
so our canes, I canes correct me, we are,
we're an impact play is our main thing at the Ry.
Mm-Hmm. , it's mostly paddles,
but it's not all paddles and canes crack me up
'cause we'll go like weeks.
Nobody buys a cane.
And then in like a week and a half everybody
- Buys, they'll, they'll be flying out the, we
- Were sold out again and we're like,
wait, what happened there?
Mm-Hmm. . Um, so yeah. It's, it's
- Fun.
Yeah. So, you know, and,
and it same thing with the, uh, with the resin inlays,
you know, in, in the beginning tried, you know, doing a few
and, and putting them up on the site
and people were asking, you know,
are, is this color available?
Is that color available? Right? Can you do it like this?
And, and we just figured at that point it would be easier
to, you know, say, okay,
it takes x amount of time to do this.
Right. You know, sell it as a custom and,
and you pick your colors. And
- Actually, because there's a, it's reproducible.
Mm-Hmm. , it's the same size of paddles.
It's the same design. Resin inlay.
And it's the same standard colors.
We actually don't price it quite like a custom.
It's made to order.
- Yeah. - Custom orders.
We just, uh, I just promoted one on social media at the Kry
in most of the places, , um,
where they ordered a resin inlay paddle.
So for anybody who's like, what the fuck is that?
It's a wooden paddle, JB cuts out shapes through the, the
width thickness, whatever of the paddle.
And we fill that with resin
and we, the most popular one is the moon phase.
Mm-Hmm. . Thank you. Silent for being the very
first person to ever received that one.
. Um, X is the one that ordered it,
but silence paddle .
This person said, I would like the, the wood to be black,
like stained black.
Mm-Hmm. . I would like the moon
phase to be gold.
Well we do not standard offer stained wood and a
and gold as a color.
Right. That was a true custom order. Mm-Hmm. .
And based on having
to source the supplies the extra time it would take
and who staining that wood did take extra time.
Yeah. Um, and all the extra things
that becomes a true custom order.
And that price is not the same price you see on the website.
No made to order gets a standard price
because we know how that, we know how long it's gonna take.
We know what it's gonna take.
We're telling you what materials we have, the colors,
the designs done.
This is your price. So that's made to order.
Then there's custom where it's like, what do you want?
And can we do it? We get custom requests all the time
that we're like, that's a really cool idea.
We literally cannot do that.
, we do not have the tools.
We do not have the skills. Mm-Hmm. .
That's just not even fucking possible .
Like, so, um, so yeah.
So that's also the difference between custom made
to order true and then ready made.
Ready made is the stuff we try to keep in stock. Mm-Hmm.
and like our canes with wooden handles are
ready made when we have them.
- And see, that's why I keep you around. Mm-Hmm.
, I, I go out in shop
and I just make, make, make
and you know, you
do all the good stuff front facing. Yep.
- Yeah. I'm gonna double check,
but I believe that was our last question.
- Okay. Um, - Saying that we will take
a couple of, and couple y'all is in the two range, maybe up
to three from the YouTube live chat, uh,
to ask a question on YouTube live chat
and um, uh,
get an actual answer.
Sorry, I got sidetracked and I can't talk
and think at the same time.
Um, please tag us at loving bdsm. Mm-Hmm.
because it lights up for us. It should
not be a long question.
If it takes more than one little
chat box to ask the question.
That's too in depth.
You can use our contact page on our website. Mm-Hmm.
. Um, so
yeah, feel free.
Mm-Hmm. . Um, there we go.
- Okay. We have, that wasn't too bad.
We got through no questions fairly well. I know there were
- Several and like, I felt
us going potentially going off on tangents on a couple
of them and we, we sort of reeled ourself back in.
Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Mm-Hmm. .
We'll give it a few minutes if no
questions come through on live chat.
No worries. We can do a bonus section.
- Head to the bonus section. Um,
you got, got stuff to talk about,
- Right?
A, a plug for people who have questions.
Uh, we have a Monday episode, it's audio podcast
and YouTube video where we answer a question.
Um, and those will go a little bit more in depth on Yeah.
Um, , we have had videos that were as short
as 10 or 11 minutes.
We have had videos that were as long as 30 minutes. Yeah.
. But they're never as long as this
- Episode.
As this episode. No.
- Um, - .
- And that's where it's like, okay,
here's my highly specific question.
Here's all of the details.
Last, uh, this Monday of the week of recording that,
um, that question was several hundred words
and we, we read it.
Yeah. Um, and uh,
and that's what the, we use those videos for is
to like really dig deep into Right.
Um, a question. Because sometimes,
'cause sometimes your situation truly is, like,
the details are very unique,
but the situations tend to be a little bit more universal.
And, um, somebody else will go through something similar.
Uh, we did get a question in the live chat. Mm-Hmm.
about the march virtual munch. Mm-Hmm.
, which is a Friday night live stream, hangout,
hangout thing we do on YouTube.
Mm-Hmm. . Uh, and yes, it is March 15th Friday,
March 15th, starts at 9:30 PM Eastern.
We take questions during that as well. Right.
We talk about whatever comes to mind. Mm-Hmm.
, um, random stuff.
I mean, we've talked about alcohol, we've talked about pie
- Bacon, we - Talked about bacon.
. There was the great bacon debate.
- Yes. Yes. - There was.
And I still contend that half of y'all were wrong.
The superior bacon is crispy. I'm so sorry. Soft.
- No, - The superior bacon should crunch
like a chip in my mouth.
I don't want it burnt. I will eat it burnt.
I don't want it burnt, but I will eat it.
- Burn, crunch. Don't want it raw, but there's
that sweet spot where it's not.
- Nope. Yeah. Nope. No.
Um, so those are the things you miss if you don't stream.
We do it once a month.
Tends to be the third Friday of the month. Yeah.
life can happen and it's, you know,
sometimes shifted,
but most of the time it's the third Friday of the month.
Right. Um, so yeah. And it, and it's random.
And I sometimes it's a pajama party. Um, we are in our PJs.
Um, yep. And, uh,
yeah, it's just
- .
- It's been a hot minute since we've had an adult beverage.
It is at a, at a stream.
We have never taken an edible and then done
or edible for me.
You smoke a bowl . We could do that sometime.
- I mean, I, no, why
- Not?
Is it 'cause your eyes don't open all the way? ?
- The strain I use - Puts you to sleep is
- For relaxing.
It's true. And it puts me to sleep.
So all I'd do is sit here and my head would start .
- Actually, I saw you last night after you smoked.
I took, I took my gummy and I was like, Mm-Hmm.
feeling good. And you just sat on the couch
and stared into the middle distance in one direction.
And then you would go back to your phone
and watch reels or play your game.
Mm-Hmm. . And then you'd look up
and just stare at another angle.
. And I was,
I was sitting on the other couch trying to read my ebook
and eventually it just became like words fluttering past me.
I was like, I don't even know what these fucking words mean.
. So then I guess I started
staring into the middle distance.
But it was in your direction.
- . - Yeah.
- Wow. Okay. - So it sounds to me like either,
'cause we did, so, um, we're on, we're about
to try the third type of gummy for me.
Mm-Hmm. . The first one we got is so funny.
It was called knockout.
And yet we were then shocked when it literally knocked me
out, down, down for the count.
The next one we got was a hybrid.
Um, that it makes it easier for me to sleep.
It's just a very, I'm very relaxed,
but I'm not like, about to fall over
and fall asleep like the knockout does.
Now. We have, and I can't remember what it's called, the,
but it's the one that's not supposed to make you sleepy.
It's supposed to like, help you like not be so anxious
and just help you relax a little bit.
But I really think that my problem is, is that I am
never actually relaxed.
And so once I am relaxed, even if it's
through artificial means, the only thing my body knows
to do is to go, oh, we're tired. ,
- - This.
We have relaxed. Now the only thing
left to do is go to sleep
- .
Yeah. Yeah.
- So you could take that gummy
with me once we actually test it out on our, we,
we bought it and I haven't tried it yet.
Mm-Hmm. Because I don't, if I'm gonna try a new gummy,
it's going to be on a day
where I do not have a lot of responsibilities.
'cause I don't know how it's going to affect me. Mm-Hmm.
And since this one is not supposed to be a sleepy one,
I need to take it earlier in the day.
Because my fear is what if that hypes me up so much
that I then can't go to sleep, then I'll be pissed.
But I do, I do think my body is so unused to just relaxing
that it's like, oh, we've relaxed.
It's clearly, it's clearly time to just go to sleep.
- Mm-Hmm. . - So,
- Um, yes.
Is it legal in Florida? Um, you, you,
- Well, I mean, well we bought,
we buy legal things. Yeah. Like, I'm not,
- We don't, um, yeah.
You, you can get a medical marijuana card, which
- Is not what we have.
- Right. And, and also
because of a kind of a loophole
in Florida law is, is basically what it comes down to.
Um, there, there are two strains, Delta eight, delta nine,
um, lower, uh, THC content than what you would get
through a dispensary.
Mm-Hmm. . But it can be legally sold
over the counter technically.
- And I was very skeptical of that. I was Mm-Hmm.
, I was the old person type who was like, oh,
they'll just say anything to sell a product there.
It can't be real. It can't be real.
And then JB tried, he, he smokes,
I do gummies 'cause I'm not smoking shit.
Um, and that effect was real.
And then of course I, I did the thing that
is it, it's almost a trope now.
And it's comedic.
A person who's never taken an edible takes a whole one
or starts out taking a a, a fine dose
and then goes, nothing's happening.
And then they take the rest. I took a knockout gummy
and if you don't know the words are there knockout?
Yeah. Lays you flat on your ass. Mm-Hmm.
, I took the whole fucking
- Thing.
She was done. Y'all
I poured her into bed that night.
- I, it was the, so I could not hold my body up.
I would start to drift 'cause it was knocking me out.
It was making me want go to sleep. And I, I would just start
to fall forward in whatever position I was in
and then just hang there.
But also I felt like I could feel every nerve ending under
my skin and like it was buzzing like static on a tv.
And also like,
if I could hold a thought, I felt like time travel.
'cause I, I would, something would either take 30 seconds
or it would take two hours,
but actually only five minutes had passed.
It was fucking wild. I very rarely take that one, that one.
Even though I only take like a quarter of it now. It Mm-Hmm.
The one I take now makes me very giggly.
But I, I do go to sleep
once I'm laying down and the lights are out.
Yeah. I'm asleep. So now I have the new
one to try to see what it does.
. Okay. So, um,
we did not get any more
questions. So we'll go to a bonus section.
- Yeah. But at any rate, um, it, it helps me a lot.
Um, I carry my stress in my back.
- Yes. Which is already jacked up
- Physically, which is already jacked up as it is.
And I have found that, you know,
on days when I've had a very long day when I've been on my
feet a lot, um, having a little bit of smoke helps
relax me, unwind me.
Mm-Hmm. . And I actually sleep better at night.
- Yeah, you do. - So that, uh, for me it is,
it has been a big, uh, boon.
Especially with my back.
- Yeah. Um, I forget it exists most of the time.
Like, I don't ever think, oh, I would like,
I like a gummy today.
Mm-Hmm. .
It's usually JB going, I'm gonna go smoke a bowl.
And I'm like, Hey, yeah, I'll, I'll take part of a gummy.
I would like to fall asleep easily tonight. Mm-Hmm.
. So anyway, , not
that we're not already really,
if you think about it in the bonus section,
we can officially go into a bonus section now
'cause no more questions came through.
So we can go into a bonus section.
- Okay. Are we good? I
- Don't know.
Are we? I don't know. I feel like you zoned out there for a
- Second.
I was reading the chat. , so. Alright.
- I dunno. Sure. Uhhuh, .
- Keep it kinky. All keep - And we'll see you next week.
Doty.
- Yes baby girl. - Can we just
continue talking to the crickets?
- We can continue talking to the crickets.
- So I'm, my fear is, I, I I said we'll see you next week,
but you and I have just have
to talk about when every quarter, every three months.
Mm-Hmm. We try to take a week off's
and it's mostly a week off of content creation.
The kry is still going. Yeah. Okay.
Um, we're still gonna ship orders,
we're still gonna make product, but we like
chill out with everything else.
And the march is the last month of the quarter for us. Oh.
And we haven't picked a, a week,
so I say we'll see you next week,
but we haven't picked a week yet.
But so the youngest is on online
virtual school
and so doesn't really get a spring break per se,
but the oldest is on spring break next week
and wants to come home.
I don't think it's gonna last as long
as he thinks he's gonna be here. Yeah.
- He thinks he's gonna be - Here for a solid week
and I think he's gonna be sick
of our shit in about 72 hours.
Right. . But I'm not telling him.
No, come on home baby. Let's, it's fine.
Um, yes, you can use my car. Um, so next week,
- Well, he does have to work several days. Right.
- And he works, - He school's out, but he still has work.
- Right. And he has to, it'll be like
an hour drive, commute.
He's like, I'll put gas in the car. Yeah, you fucking will.
Yep. . I was like, and you will drive my car as if
you are the one who's going to pay
for the ticket if you get one.
He was like, yes, I will. .
- Okay, - Then you can commute. Mm-Hmm. .
Um, so it's like, okay, do we want
to take the week off while they're both
like the youngest?
If he will get his shit together this week,
he won't actually have to do much at all next week.
'cause he'll be in between some stuff
and the oldest will be sort of off.
So do we take the break that week?
Do we take it the next, do we, what do we do?
We haven't decided. So
I say we'll see you
next week. Yeah. We might have live.
- Well you know what, that might be a good next week might
be the good time to take the break then.
- Except we need to record a thing that we're doing
for another thing coming.
Right. So see that's what I'm saying.
I don't know what the answer is,
- But that's only sit down and record a a video still work.
- Still work. That's what I'm saying.
We just need to look at a calendar. Yeah. I don't even
- Know.
- Yep. Yeah. So, um, speaking of the oldest
and the fact that I have no sense of time,
most time, like what, how do calendars work?
What are dates? Mm.
The, he has a concert Thursday this week, March 7th
that we've known about first a few weeks now.
Mm-Hmm. whole family's planned on going.
Whole family, the three of us. Um, great.
And then several days ago I get a text from the oldest
and he goes, I have another concert this Wednesday
for Brass band,
which is like a special something that he's been doing.
I was like, okay, I don't think it'll be all of us,
but I will at least be there for Wednesday.
And then it was today that I realized how days work
and that I realized that I'll be driving
to Gainesville tonight and these things are always like
seven something at night and then it's takes a while.
And then, uh, and then it's, we're never home before 10.
And, uh, so I'm driving to Gainesville
to see a concert tonight.
Mm-Hmm. Wednesday day of recording
and then tomorrow night Yeah.
Jamie's like, I'm not fucking you on .
And then tomorrow night we are going
again for another late night.
And I'm just, I'm, I'm too old
for late nights in the middle of the week.
like, just not built that way anymore.
I'm going, I'm going, look, the kid doesn't want any,
he doesn't even ask for fucking money.
He, every once in a while was like, can you drive me
to a grocery store so I can buy more than two things
that I can put in a backpack .
And can you come to my performances?
And when he tells me about a performance,
I know he wants somebody there.
I'm going, I'm fucking going. We live close enough.
There's no reason not to. Mm-Hmm. .
But, ah, and I'm excited.
Except I hate driving in the dark these days.
I just, I'm, I'm,
I don't handle it the way I did 20 years ago.
I can and I will. Yeah. I know. I, I,
- I, I cannot. So
- I'm not looking forward to that
- Part.
I I love seeing him perform. Yeah.
I, I love going to the concerts. The music is, is amazing.
And, and the concert hall is beautiful. Mm-Hmm.
. I, I think it's, it's a, it's a,
it's a wonderful place to, to sit and,
and listen to, to the music and,
and watch everybody perform.
Um, but it
- It's - A lot.
It, it is a lot.
And you know, the, the last few times it's been 12,
one o'clock in the morning by the time we roll home.
Right. And, and then get up the next day for work.
Get up the next morning and, and work.
- Yeah. - I, I can't, I can't do it like
that anymore. I just can't.
- No. And I, I'm, I'm not gonna be for shit on Thursday
and by Friday even fucking worse.
Worse. Right. Like, I already know
that I'm gonna do it anyway.
Mm-Hmm. because he didn't ask for a lot.
He asked for this. I'm going, it's, it's easy. Right.
It's an easy yes. For me,
that doesn't stop my little anxious heart from already in my
head going, okay, when you make the drive, you know
where you're gonna turn and you know,
the parking garage you're gonna go in
and then you, you know exactly
what the direction is you're gonna walk.
And I am not going up to the fucking balcony to watch,
I'm staying on ground level.
'cause I don't have anybody who loves me to catch me if
and when I fall down the stairs.
So , I'm already mentally mapping out the entire
journey so that I can stay calm during the actual journey.
Um, and I've already warned the 18-year-old, I'm like,
you know how we normally like go to Culver's
and we do a thing and we hang out.
We cannot do that on Wednesday
because I'll be back on Thursday.
. Mm-Hmm. . We could do it on
Thursday. Yeah. So
- But your haven Yes, it is.
That is old age that,
that has come round full circle from
when I was in my twenties.
Yeah. And I used to go out to the bars
and party all night long, go home, change clothes
and go to work and go to work. Mm-Hmm.
- , I never lived that life. .
I was living like an old lady life in my twenties,
but I did have more energy in
my twenties and Yeah.
And was, I've never been a free spirit,
but I was more willing to do some things that I could kind
of pretend might have been spontaneous even though
I'd been thinking about 'em for a week.
And I would, I would, where do you wanna go? It's midnight.
Let's drive. I can go, oh, we're doing a road trip
and we're gonna be on the road for 12 hours.
Let's go, can do this.
Oh, I had to be at work at five o'clock this morning
and we're gonna go for queso and margaritas after work
and not gonna get done till midnight.
Cool. They're gonna do the damn thing that
that girl does not exist anymore.
- She is tired back, back in the same days.
I would, um, drive from
when I lived in Tampa Bay at that time
to upstate New York 22 hours from start to finish.
Yeah. No, I, I couldn't even No.
Think about doing that anymore.
- Road trips these days are max drive for eight hours.
We will have taken an hour break every time we stop.
Plus the pee and the standup breaks in between and Yeah.
Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
No, I totally get it. Not put there
- Anymore.
But, uh, it, it was hilarious.
I'd, you know, when I'd leave like three o'clock in the
morning and,
and that would, I, I did that
because that would put me in the sweet time to, uh,
get through Washington.
Mm-Hmm. without hitting rush hour.
Mm-Hmm. . But, um, I'd, I'd get a,
a thermos of coffee Mm-Hmm.
to start out with
and a bag full of snacks that I could just munch
as I'm driving and off I would go.
- I, there have been times, I did not have the luxury
of this, but my road trips we're gonna, when I was 20
and now I'm 40 something, we gonna stop for a drinky drink.
, I'll bring snacks for when we're in a place
where we literally cannot stop,
but I'm going to buy a snacky snack.
We are stopping for at least one meal on the road.
I minimum one meal.
Um, , I don't, I don't need a lot of bathroom breaks.
Mm-Hmm. , uh, I don't need currently a lot
of breaks to just stand and stretch my legs.
I'm happy to be in the car for 12 hours,
like the length of driving that day.
Right. But we will stop for drinking drinks. Mm-Hmm.
, we will stop for snacks.
We will stop for a meal. Yep.
I had lived the life as a kid of getting in the car
for the road trip with, especially my grandparents.
I used to go on all kinds of trips with them, road trips
with them as a kid.
And we were the family that pulled under the overpass
and, uh, ate our bologna
and cheese sandwiches on the side of the highway
because there was no stopping.
There was no getting snacky snacks. Yeah.
Nobody was going to lunch. Right.
uh, and I mean,
I didn't love it then.
Mm-Hmm. . Um, I've always been a drinky drink.
Snacky snack kind of girl.
Um, but I, there was something about it as I got older
that I was like, if I, if I can't, if I can't just,
even if it's just McDonald's
and it's the dollar menu, y'all,
if I can't go get something,
I don't want to go on the road trip.
I'm, I'm no longer built for. Yeah. No. It's a luxury.
To me. It's a luxury. Now would I do a road trip if I didn't
have the money and I had to bring my own snacks?
I had to bring my own drinks 'cause I had to get to a place
and couldn't catch a flight.
Yes. Mm-Hmm. that's different. Yeah.
But if I we're calling this a vacation, a trip, I'm choosing
to do this, then we are budgeting in Yeah.
My dunking and my diet Coke. Mm-Hmm.
- And I, I don't know if it's the same now
because I haven't looked and I've not really had any reason
to or desire.
But um, you know, then there, there came a point where
air flight up to New York was way cheaper than Oh sure.
The gas and, and wear and tear and driving Jet
- Blue spirit. Yeah. Those place,
- I mean, so, you know, and you know, two
and a half hours as compo compared
to 22, 23 hours driving. Right. Yeah.
- I never, when I finally started flying for any reason,
I never got to go to a place that was a straight shot.
'cause I never lived really in a place
where you could get a straight shot.
So it wasn't technically, uh,
you know, a couple hours flying time total to get
to the place I wanted to go.
Sure. Mm-Hmm. . But what we had
to do first was leave from wherever, uh,
completely bypass the location, go to a further out airport,
maybe Atlanta, maybe Charlotte,
and then come back down to
where we were trying to go .
Including I think if I recall even in Florida
to make the connecting flight.
So what could have been an eight hour drive
and was technically maybe two hours
of flight time was still an eight hour
day because of light over
- . So
- I dunno.
But if it was cheaper.
- Yeah. - The thing is, we don't really,
we don't travel anymore.
I mean, there's the money thing and
there's the where do we want to go?
And once Covid hit
and there, there wasn't really going anywhere.
We just, we have places we definitely want to go. Yeah.
And um, you know, we've talked about it, we've thought it
through, we've even priced it out.
It's just, just not an option. Mm-Hmm.
right now. So we, no, we don't Mm-Hmm.
. But,
but I do still remember I'd be like, okay, it's a,
a Friday afternoon, maybe I got off work early.
Maybe I took the day off.
Where, where are we going this weekend?
Let's just get in the car. And I would just drive,
I don't know who that girl is anymore.
I mean, but I still Yeah.
That was when you could still get your
Diet Coke for a dollar though.
. And there was a dollar menu at McDonald's. Yeah.
Or wherever. So I you could do it for,
and gas was under $2 a gallon or whatever.
Like, it was just easier. Yeah.
But, so anyway,
um, what else is going on with us?
Anything? Um,
- Not that I can think.
- Just same old, same old. Yeah.
The youngest is being the youngest.
The oldest is performing his brains out
and, and we're working.
So Ta Lola is snoring in the background Yep.
As if she has worked a double
and I don't know where the cats are,
but they're probably wreaking
havoc wherever they are. Right,
- Right.
They're too quiet. ,
- They're too quiet.
They are too quiet. They are too quiet.
- Yes, indeed. - Um,
and it's starting to warm up in this office.
It is. And, uh,
this perimenopausal person is not starting to feel it.
Huh. Is not loving it. So I think
that's a good sign that maybe
- That's a good place to, to - We should be done.
Yeah. Okay. All right. Um, thanks for being here with us.
Mm-Hmm. especially if you stay
to the bitter end, um, for anybody
who asked your question, thank you for that.
Uh, we appreciate that. Um, we don't do Q
and as that often anymore
because we do a q and A every week now.
Right. So, um Mm-Hmm. . But this was fun. Yeah.
And yeah. May maybe we'll be on break next week.
I don't fucking know. I'll let you know as soon as I know.
Yeah. So. Okay. All right. That's it for us.
- Bye. Bye.