1 00:00:11,065 --> 00:00:12,765 - You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, 2 00:00:12,915 --> 00:00:14,525 episode a 3 86. 3 00:00:14,575 --> 00:00:16,445 Kayla the Lord's here with the one, the only, the, 4 00:00:16,565 --> 00:00:17,605 I think thought you were about 5 00:00:17,605 --> 00:00:19,005 to sneeze, but caught yourself. 6 00:00:19,005 --> 00:00:20,685 John Brownstone. Yeah. . 7 00:00:21,015 --> 00:00:22,885 There was that quick intake of breath. Yep. 8 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,365 And then we're recording. And your eyes got water 9 00:00:25,685 --> 00:00:26,685 - . 10 00:00:26,685 --> 00:00:27,125 I was like, is it coming? I was 11 00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:28,005 like, I'm not gonna let this out. 12 00:00:28,305 --> 00:00:30,245 I'm not gonna let this out. I'm not gonna let it out. 13 00:00:30,335 --> 00:00:31,885 - Which just means it'll come out at the 14 00:00:31,885 --> 00:00:33,045 weirdest fucking Spotify. 15 00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:35,805 - Right? This, - This is what's gonna happen. Mm-Hmm. 16 00:00:35,845 --> 00:00:37,085 . That's not at all what we're talking 17 00:00:37,085 --> 00:00:38,125 about this week though. 18 00:00:38,445 --> 00:00:43,125 , we're gonna talk about submission and pleasure. 19 00:00:43,315 --> 00:00:45,925 It's not meant to be a thing 20 00:00:45,925 --> 00:00:47,685 that continues on from last week's episode. 21 00:00:47,785 --> 00:00:51,005 We actually thought about this topic at the same time, 22 00:00:51,105 --> 00:00:54,125 but separate from talking about pleasure doms or whatever. 23 00:00:55,065 --> 00:00:57,125 But it does, it does feel like it. It fits. 24 00:00:57,285 --> 00:01:00,405 I even have ranted in my head a couple times thinking 25 00:01:00,405 --> 00:01:01,725 about some stuff. 26 00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:03,565 I think we're gonna say what? Here we go. 27 00:01:03,785 --> 00:01:07,045 The vast majority of folks already know. 28 00:01:07,105 --> 00:01:08,685 But it's like, no, but let's give it 29 00:01:08,705 --> 00:01:09,885 its own fucking episode. 30 00:01:10,035 --> 00:01:12,245 That, that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna, yeah. 31 00:01:12,595 --> 00:01:15,605 Mission and pleasure. Yes. Yes. Let's talk about it. 32 00:01:16,475 --> 00:01:18,165 Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. 33 00:01:18,305 --> 00:01:20,165 If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. 34 00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:21,605 You're back for another week. Welcome back. 35 00:01:21,745 --> 00:01:23,525 Loving BDSM is produced every Monday 36 00:01:23,545 --> 00:01:25,405 and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education. 37 00:01:25,595 --> 00:01:27,805 Show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 38 00:01:28,075 --> 00:01:29,605 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast 39 00:01:29,705 --> 00:01:30,965 to your favorite podcast app. 40 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:34,925 You can also follow the show on Fe life at Loving BDSM PC 41 00:01:34,925 --> 00:01:38,845 that stands for podcast Y'all Loving b DSM PC on Instagram 42 00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:40,045 and threads at that handle. 43 00:01:40,205 --> 00:01:44,445 I will forever fucking hate loving Ds in the number one. 44 00:01:44,465 --> 00:01:46,285 So at Loving DS one, 45 00:01:46,545 --> 00:01:49,485 or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, 46 00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:50,965 where you can watch us live stream the 47 00:01:50,965 --> 00:01:52,165 podcast every Wednesday. 48 00:01:52,545 --> 00:01:56,885 All links are in the show notes. Okay, let me double check. 49 00:01:57,005 --> 00:01:59,125 I don't think I have any like announcement announcements. 50 00:01:59,305 --> 00:02:01,285 No, no. We're just gonna jump straight into it. 51 00:02:02,385 --> 00:02:06,725 So this week's topic is about being submissive 52 00:02:06,985 --> 00:02:08,485 and a submissive pleasure. 53 00:02:08,685 --> 00:02:10,605 Whatever that will mean. Um, I really think 54 00:02:10,995 --> 00:02:13,685 that the main point of this could be a five minute podcast, 55 00:02:14,125 --> 00:02:15,925 , but, you know, I'm sure, 56 00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:17,405 I'm sure we've got some things to say. 57 00:02:17,945 --> 00:02:21,765 Um, and this is something we have said in many, many, many, 58 00:02:21,765 --> 00:02:23,925 many, many, many, many, many episodes. 59 00:02:23,945 --> 00:02:26,365 Mm-Hmm. . Um, the, probably the episode 60 00:02:26,365 --> 00:02:31,085 that's most related to this topic is episode 180 4, uh, 61 00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:34,085 about getting your needs met in a DS relationship. 62 00:02:34,105 --> 00:02:35,605 And of course, one of those needs 63 00:02:36,185 --> 00:02:38,045 for submissives is pleasure. 64 00:02:38,905 --> 00:02:40,685 And for the person who's gonna go, 65 00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,925 why are we just talking about submissives pleasure? 66 00:02:42,925 --> 00:02:44,205 What a dom's pleasure. 67 00:02:44,745 --> 00:02:47,405 The reason we're talking about this is 68 00:02:47,405 --> 00:02:51,405 because of the consistent stereotype. 69 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:54,605 And, and I consider it a stereotype that the only pleasure 70 00:02:54,605 --> 00:02:56,525 that matters is the Dom's pleasure. 71 00:02:57,075 --> 00:02:59,805 Doms, take what they want. Doms get what they want. 72 00:03:00,115 --> 00:03:04,125 Submissives give their doms what the doms want it. 73 00:03:04,145 --> 00:03:05,405 You know, my pleasure is, 74 00:03:05,405 --> 00:03:09,325 your pleasure is very common in a lot of, uh, kinky fiction, 75 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:12,565 which, and can be exciting , you know, when 76 00:03:12,565 --> 00:03:14,045 that's the mutual desire. 77 00:03:14,665 --> 00:03:18,845 But like, yes. 78 00:03:19,145 --> 00:03:20,965 And also no . 79 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:26,005 I mean, to the extent that there had to be a term 80 00:03:26,525 --> 00:03:29,045 pleasure dom, which does mostly focus on sexual pleasure. 81 00:03:29,595 --> 00:03:31,685 Like as if it is some revelation 82 00:03:31,685 --> 00:03:34,405 that the submissive is getting pleasure. 83 00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:36,205 Like, I'm not, uh, 84 00:03:36,245 --> 00:03:39,205 don't get me started on last week's topic again, I, 85 00:03:39,205 --> 00:03:41,845 when I say don't get me, I mean me, don't get me started. 86 00:03:42,585 --> 00:03:45,605 Um, so it's like, let, let's just, 87 00:03:46,295 --> 00:03:47,765 let's just talk about this now. 88 00:03:50,755 --> 00:03:53,125 I've been doing a lot of reading. It's escapism. 89 00:03:53,485 --> 00:03:55,325 I, I need to go into a fictional world. 90 00:03:55,565 --> 00:03:57,965 'cause the real world is just a little much . 91 00:03:58,025 --> 00:04:02,445 Um, in the current series, I'm, I'm basically binging. 92 00:04:02,865 --> 00:04:04,285 Um, can you binge read? 93 00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:05,965 Is that, I don't know, but I feel like I am. 94 00:04:07,125 --> 00:04:10,605 I came across a line that I went, Ooh, 95 00:04:10,635 --> 00:04:12,845 this is a thing I'm trying to express. 96 00:04:13,345 --> 00:04:16,125 And this author said it way better than I did. No. 97 00:04:16,505 --> 00:04:18,365 And I, lemme just put the disclaimer on 98 00:04:18,365 --> 00:04:20,365 that you should not use kinky fiction 99 00:04:20,585 --> 00:04:21,805 as a fucking guidebook. 100 00:04:21,805 --> 00:04:24,525 But, you know, every once in a while you find a gem. 101 00:04:24,675 --> 00:04:27,805 Writers are like, they're, they professionally put words 102 00:04:27,905 --> 00:04:30,245 and thoughts together in ways that are supposed 103 00:04:30,245 --> 00:04:31,965 to resonate in this one did. 104 00:04:32,465 --> 00:04:34,725 Um, and the quote from, from the book, 105 00:04:35,745 --> 00:04:39,005 the series is The Beyond Series by Kit. 106 00:04:39,505 --> 00:04:41,205 Is it Rocha Rocha? 107 00:04:41,325 --> 00:04:42,725 I don't know how they say their last name. 108 00:04:42,755 --> 00:04:44,285 It's actually a writing duo. Mm-Hmm. . 109 00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:46,485 And that's the pseudonym. Either book is From Beyond 110 00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:47,725 Solitude, which is a good book. 111 00:04:47,945 --> 00:04:49,325 It says, granting him power, 112 00:04:49,405 --> 00:04:51,125 trusting in the implicit promise 113 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,925 that he'd give her something in return. 114 00:04:53,025 --> 00:04:55,165 Mm-Hmm. . And that is the fucking point 115 00:04:55,165 --> 00:04:57,045 that I'm constantly trying to make. 116 00:04:57,475 --> 00:05:00,605 That when the sub hands over control 117 00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:03,525 to their dom in whatever way that means 118 00:05:04,325 --> 00:05:05,805 sexually, you know? 119 00:05:05,945 --> 00:05:08,365 Mm-Hmm. , uh, over your daily life, 120 00:05:08,915 --> 00:05:10,885 over the scene, whatever, whatever 121 00:05:11,275 --> 00:05:13,245 that you're handing over control. 122 00:05:13,385 --> 00:05:16,125 So the dom is gonna get what they want out of this. 123 00:05:16,505 --> 00:05:19,045 And the implicit, and quite frankly, needs to be 124 00:05:19,645 --> 00:05:21,485 explicit promise is you 125 00:05:21,485 --> 00:05:24,205 as the submissive partner are getting something back. 126 00:05:24,305 --> 00:05:25,965 You're getting something in return. 127 00:05:25,965 --> 00:05:28,565 You're getting your needs fulfilled. 128 00:05:28,565 --> 00:05:31,685 Like we've talked about way back in episode 180 4, 129 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,325 for the record, anybody doing math 130 00:05:33,325 --> 00:05:36,405 that was over 200 episodes ago, , . 131 00:05:37,425 --> 00:05:41,885 Um, but all one of those needs is pleasure. 132 00:05:41,885 --> 00:05:45,525 Now, how that pleasure gets defined is gonna be unique 133 00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:46,565 to each of us. 134 00:05:46,695 --> 00:05:50,645 Right. What causes pleasure is going to be unique to us. 135 00:05:50,865 --> 00:05:53,125 The type of pleasure is quite frankly, 136 00:05:53,485 --> 00:05:55,325 possibly gonna be unique to the situation. 137 00:05:56,005 --> 00:05:57,720 'cause I, as a submissive experience, 138 00:05:58,005 --> 00:05:59,485 pleasure in multiple ways 139 00:05:59,755 --> 00:06:01,525 that are not just one type of pleasure. 140 00:06:01,525 --> 00:06:04,525 Mm-Hmm. . But let us just have it on the record 141 00:06:04,945 --> 00:06:08,805 and have one whole fucking episode where we say, 142 00:06:09,305 --> 00:06:11,565 in no uncertain fucking terms, 143 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:15,485 submissives should be experiencing pleasure. 144 00:06:15,945 --> 00:06:19,565 Two, based on how they're defining pleasure based on 145 00:06:19,565 --> 00:06:21,445 what they want to experience. 146 00:06:22,155 --> 00:06:26,565 Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I mean, done episode's done. 147 00:06:26,645 --> 00:06:27,845 I said the thing. There we go. 148 00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:32,005 - , let's 149 00:06:32,555 --> 00:06:33,925 - Talk about it. 150 00:06:34,825 --> 00:06:37,725 It, um, so 151 00:06:39,745 --> 00:06:43,325 before I get into, I, I tried to be like organized 152 00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:46,045 and, you know, there was a time in my life I was the 153 00:06:46,045 --> 00:06:47,085 most organized human being. 154 00:06:47,125 --> 00:06:49,285 I knew that that time has passed. , 155 00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:52,165 - No comment. I don't know who 156 00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:53,365 - That girl is. 157 00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:55,405 , just in general about the concept. 158 00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,805 Like what are your thoughts other than Yes, you're right. 159 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,445 I, we already know. I know you agree with me. Yeah. 160 00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:00,565 That's a given. Um, 161 00:07:00,825 --> 00:07:02,445 - One of the things that that came 162 00:07:02,445 --> 00:07:04,565 to mind while you were talking 163 00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:07,445 - Ranting, - Talking , 164 00:07:11,225 --> 00:07:16,045 um, is the fact that I think that is kind of where, uh, 165 00:07:16,515 --> 00:07:18,845 empathy as a dominant is important. 166 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,645 Mm-Hmm. . Because I think you need to have 167 00:07:20,645 --> 00:07:24,445 that empathy to understand, 168 00:07:24,625 --> 00:07:26,405 to be able to give back. Right. 169 00:07:26,665 --> 00:07:30,485 - To understand that, unless now I do think submissives need 170 00:07:30,485 --> 00:07:32,125 to get better at being very explicit about the 171 00:07:32,325 --> 00:07:33,365 pleasure they're trying to experience. 172 00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,365 Mm-Hmm. . But that even if it is not explicitly 173 00:07:36,365 --> 00:07:40,525 explained to Adam Dom, the dom understands that, okay, 174 00:07:40,545 --> 00:07:41,565 I'm doing the thing I wanna do, 175 00:07:41,625 --> 00:07:44,365 but at some point in this, there needs to be some form 176 00:07:44,365 --> 00:07:46,085 of pleasure for my partner. 177 00:07:46,325 --> 00:07:48,565 I mean, there are times you are going at it 178 00:07:48,565 --> 00:07:49,605 like in an impact scene. 179 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:53,245 It's all sting, it's all burn, it's all the sensations. 180 00:07:53,525 --> 00:07:56,325 I don't like the pleasure I'm experiencing in 181 00:07:56,325 --> 00:07:58,645 that moment has nothing to do with the sensations. 182 00:07:59,005 --> 00:08:02,205 the sensations are entirely not pleasurable. Mm-Hmm. 183 00:08:02,245 --> 00:08:04,725 the pleasure. Sometimes I'm not 184 00:08:04,725 --> 00:08:05,965 consciously aware of the pleasure. 185 00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:08,085 'cause I'm mostly focusing on how I don't like 186 00:08:08,085 --> 00:08:09,445 that sensation . 187 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:11,165 But the pleasure comes from the submission. 188 00:08:11,465 --> 00:08:12,965 The pleasure comes from your pleasure. 189 00:08:13,065 --> 00:08:16,805 And it's valid for a submissive to say, my pleasure 190 00:08:17,625 --> 00:08:18,925 is my dom's pleasure. 191 00:08:19,505 --> 00:08:22,165 My thing is I refuse. I refuse. 192 00:08:22,445 --> 00:08:23,645 Somebody's gonna argue with me. I don't care. 193 00:08:23,725 --> 00:08:28,205 I refuse to believe that always all the time 194 00:08:28,345 --> 00:08:30,885 for the rest of your life as a submissive. 195 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,685 That that should be the only pleasure you receive. 196 00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:35,885 I think it could be a, a good portion of it. Sure. Mm-Hmm. 197 00:08:36,025 --> 00:08:37,485 I'm happy with my domic happy. There are a lot 198 00:08:37,485 --> 00:08:39,005 of things you're doing to me that I consent to 199 00:08:39,005 --> 00:08:40,245 that are not my favorite Mm-Hmm. 200 00:08:40,245 --> 00:08:42,885 And I allow it because you like it 201 00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:44,245 and you getting to do 202 00:08:44,245 --> 00:08:47,245 what you want does bring me a form of pleasure. 203 00:08:47,245 --> 00:08:48,365 It makes me happy. Mm-Hmm. 204 00:08:48,405 --> 00:08:49,725 happiness is, is a form 205 00:08:49,725 --> 00:08:51,125 of pleasure for anybody who was confused. 206 00:08:51,945 --> 00:08:53,645 But that doesn't mean that if 207 00:08:53,645 --> 00:08:56,365 that was all I ever experienced was sensation 208 00:08:56,365 --> 00:08:59,045 that I don't love, but I tolerate for the sake 209 00:08:59,045 --> 00:09:00,245 of the person who does love it. 210 00:09:00,735 --> 00:09:04,085 Eventually what I would be experiencing is not pleasure. 211 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:07,365 It'd be resentment. Because it'd be like, I don't, I don't, 212 00:09:07,365 --> 00:09:08,845 this is, I, I want more than this. 213 00:09:09,245 --> 00:09:10,605 I contain multitudes. Mm-Hmm. 214 00:09:10,645 --> 00:09:12,565 as do all submissives . 215 00:09:13,985 --> 00:09:15,405 You contain multitudes. 216 00:09:15,985 --> 00:09:19,565 Um, but yeah, I mean, the fact, you know that, 217 00:09:19,585 --> 00:09:20,725 so you don't take advantage of that. 218 00:09:20,745 --> 00:09:25,085 So like, this scene might be all stinging pain. Mm-Hmm. 219 00:09:25,125 --> 00:09:26,605 , the next scene will be something else. 220 00:09:27,105 --> 00:09:28,885 Or the spanking might be stinging pain, 221 00:09:29,385 --> 00:09:33,845 but then what you do to genitals, 222 00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:38,685 nipples my hair, whatever is a sensation I like. 223 00:09:38,685 --> 00:09:40,365 Because you got what you wanted. 224 00:09:40,545 --> 00:09:43,245 So you then make sure you get what you want. Yeah. Right. 225 00:09:43,385 --> 00:09:44,965 And that, how does he know what I want? 226 00:09:44,965 --> 00:09:46,245 Well, that's the communication part. 227 00:09:46,355 --> 00:09:50,605 I've told him, , um, I react, I do my best to react. 228 00:09:50,705 --> 00:09:51,925 I'm not always reactive. 229 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,325 Like when it's like wild 230 00:09:53,325 --> 00:09:55,485 and crazy, then I, I'm loud as fuck. 231 00:09:55,665 --> 00:09:58,485 And I've had to train myself not to be, 232 00:09:59,225 --> 00:10:01,565 but sometimes I kind of get lost in the moment. 233 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,685 And I have to make sure at some point that I'm expressing 234 00:10:04,785 --> 00:10:06,525 to jb I liked that. 235 00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:09,445 And it's oftentimes after, oh, I liked that. 236 00:10:09,445 --> 00:10:11,125 He was like, yeah, you got quiet there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 237 00:10:11,285 --> 00:10:13,765 'cause I was just, I was just in and out. I was listen out. 238 00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:16,245 Great. You were in the zone. Um, so yeah. 239 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,245 I mean, it's another form of communication. Mm-Hmm. 240 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,445 to have to tell your partner, your dom 241 00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:23,125 what feels good, what you like. 242 00:10:23,195 --> 00:10:25,645 Yeah. I remember early days to kind of get me used 243 00:10:25,745 --> 00:10:27,205 to having that conversation. 244 00:10:27,565 --> 00:10:29,285 'cause like all other communication 245 00:10:29,625 --> 00:10:31,085 and as a skill you have to learn. 246 00:10:31,105 --> 00:10:33,965 You have to practice. You would ask me point blank, 247 00:10:33,995 --> 00:10:35,085 what did you like about that? 248 00:10:35,155 --> 00:10:37,005 Yeah. What did you enjoy? Mm-Hmm. . 249 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:40,045 Um, and I think, you know, I, 250 00:10:40,245 --> 00:10:41,685 I couldn't appreciate it at the time, 251 00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:45,925 but I, I can now looking back, you never assumed that 252 00:10:46,195 --> 00:10:50,805 because my body reacted a way that I must have enjoyed it. 253 00:10:50,865 --> 00:10:52,365 You still checked in, we still Mm-Hmm. 254 00:10:52,405 --> 00:10:54,085 did kind of a debrief. Yeah. 255 00:10:54,085 --> 00:10:55,125 Early days for us. 256 00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,645 After anything we did, there would come a point 257 00:10:57,745 --> 00:10:59,325 or, you know, once we were both like 258 00:10:59,855 --> 00:11:01,205 fully in our bodies 259 00:11:01,865 --> 00:11:04,925 and caught our breath, get hold of conversation. 260 00:11:05,305 --> 00:11:07,205 We were gonna talk about the thing we did. Yeah. 261 00:11:07,765 --> 00:11:09,285 Sexually or just kink. It didn't matter. 262 00:11:10,305 --> 00:11:13,965 Um, and so I was sort of forced to learn how to go. 263 00:11:14,025 --> 00:11:16,565 Oh, that, that thing you did with your tongue. Yeah. Yeah. 264 00:11:16,725 --> 00:11:20,005 I mean, I was I screaming like I had been possessed. 265 00:11:20,085 --> 00:11:21,925 I just let you know when I scream like that, 266 00:11:22,195 --> 00:11:23,725 that means good things, you know? 267 00:11:24,105 --> 00:11:28,085 But you, you checked in to double check to assess Yeah. 268 00:11:28,345 --> 00:11:32,045 If what you read in me was correct. Yeah. Correct. 269 00:11:32,705 --> 00:11:35,125 Um, you gave me the opportunity to go and, 270 00:11:35,185 --> 00:11:38,325 and it was a strange feeling the first few times 271 00:11:38,625 --> 00:11:40,045 to go, okay, I really like this. 272 00:11:40,045 --> 00:11:41,845 But you know, that one thing that you did right there, 273 00:11:42,245 --> 00:11:44,205 I mean it was fine, but it wasn't my favorite. 274 00:11:44,505 --> 00:11:45,765 But this thing you did over here. 275 00:11:45,865 --> 00:11:47,805 Oh, I, I really liked that. That was great. 276 00:11:48,225 --> 00:11:52,365 That's how we could get to a point where he knows what toys 277 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,005 I'm not gonna love, but I will accept. 278 00:11:56,625 --> 00:11:58,885 And so then you can gauge, okay, what do I do 279 00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:00,165 after she Yeah. 280 00:12:00,385 --> 00:12:03,485 She submitted to a sensation she does not like, 281 00:12:03,995 --> 00:12:06,205 what do I give her later? 282 00:12:07,245 --> 00:12:08,645 I dunno. I don't know how you think about it. 283 00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,845 Is it to make up for it or is it just in addition to, 284 00:12:10,965 --> 00:12:12,365 'cause you're like, okay, I got what I want now. 285 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,325 It's her turn. Balance the scales. Yeah. 286 00:12:15,145 --> 00:12:17,765 Are you consciously aware of that when you're 287 00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:20,485 - I try, I try to be. Yes. 288 00:12:20,505 --> 00:12:21,525 - Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . 289 00:12:22,225 --> 00:12:23,805 It also means that if something 290 00:12:23,805 --> 00:12:26,325 that once did give me pleasure is not giving me pleasure, 291 00:12:26,405 --> 00:12:27,485 I also have to speak up. 292 00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:30,005 Because especially long term, we've been together forever. 293 00:12:30,555 --> 00:12:34,405 He's not forever, but you know, feels that way. 294 00:12:34,495 --> 00:12:35,965 Right. Okay. I was gonna let you say it. 295 00:12:36,245 --> 00:12:38,365 figured i'd, I'd be the bitch if 296 00:12:38,365 --> 00:12:39,485 I said it, but it's fine. 297 00:12:39,505 --> 00:12:43,965 You say it. You know, he has developed techniques in how 298 00:12:44,145 --> 00:12:46,285 to touch me, to arouse me sexually. 299 00:12:46,285 --> 00:12:51,165 Right. To, um, give me a certain type of pain 300 00:12:51,165 --> 00:12:55,485 or sensation that I usually respond to if I stop responding 301 00:12:55,545 --> 00:12:58,445 to it the same way that I usually do, it's, 302 00:12:58,465 --> 00:13:00,925 it no longer feels maybe as good as it once did. 303 00:13:00,925 --> 00:13:03,685 Mm-Hmm. it is my responsibility to speak up. 304 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,685 Now if I can tolerate it while we're in scene, 305 00:13:07,165 --> 00:13:08,245 I won't say anything 306 00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:09,845 because for me, 307 00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:12,885 some I do derive pleasure simply from submitting, 308 00:13:12,885 --> 00:13:15,445 simply from taking what happens as long 309 00:13:15,445 --> 00:13:17,325 as it's within my bounds, my boundaries. 310 00:13:17,545 --> 00:13:20,805 Um, but later I'm gonna have to go, okay. 311 00:13:21,265 --> 00:13:23,765 Uh, you know, that moment where you touched me there 312 00:13:23,785 --> 00:13:25,645 and you did that thing with that one finger 313 00:13:25,785 --> 00:13:28,245 and it was like that. 314 00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,805 That's not feeling the same way it used to. Right? ? 315 00:13:30,925 --> 00:13:32,165 I have to say that 316 00:13:32,475 --> 00:13:36,445 because I have to own my own pleasure 317 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,485 and express what does 318 00:13:38,545 --> 00:13:42,685 or does not cause pleasure in order for JB to, 319 00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:47,925 um, provide pleasure that I want. 320 00:13:47,925 --> 00:13:52,445 Because I don't just get my pleasure from submission. 321 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,045 I do get a lot of it. I feel 322 00:13:54,265 --> 00:13:55,605 and pleasure can mean a lot of things. 323 00:13:55,675 --> 00:13:58,765 Happiness, satisfaction, sexual arousal. 324 00:13:58,765 --> 00:14:01,245 Sometimes, sometimes I just, I feel special. 325 00:14:02,085 --> 00:14:03,325 I feel like your special girl, 326 00:14:03,325 --> 00:14:05,405 which is why I get cranky when something happens. 327 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,525 And for a minute I don't feel like you're special girl 328 00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:10,365 , huh? 329 00:14:10,365 --> 00:14:14,245 Because I am a validation seeker from, from, 330 00:14:14,265 --> 00:14:15,845 uh, way fucking back. 331 00:14:16,945 --> 00:14:21,805 Um, so it is 332 00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:26,325 impossible to talk about every single way 333 00:14:27,165 --> 00:14:29,725 a submissive can derive pleasure one Mm-Hmm. 334 00:14:29,765 --> 00:14:31,485 , because we're not all alike. Two, 335 00:14:31,515 --> 00:14:35,765 because it is the, the spectrum of human experience, right? 336 00:14:35,765 --> 00:14:39,725 Sure. Like one person's pleasure is another person's ick. 337 00:14:39,725 --> 00:14:42,085 Right? That's the whole thing about kinks and fetishes. 338 00:14:42,085 --> 00:14:44,205 Anyway. Something someone, 339 00:14:44,555 --> 00:14:47,125 some activity is gonna make you real happy 340 00:14:47,185 --> 00:14:48,965 and I'm gonna go get the fuck away from me. 341 00:14:49,345 --> 00:14:53,525 And so it's entirely impossible to talk about them all 342 00:14:53,585 --> 00:14:56,645 or to even categorize all the things under one umbrella. 343 00:14:57,145 --> 00:14:58,245 But I did try 344 00:14:59,845 --> 00:15:01,285 - for - The sake 345 00:15:01,345 --> 00:15:01,885 - Of this 346 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,405 . I'm glad I, 347 00:15:06,585 --> 00:15:10,285 - If I had a professor student fantasy, I'd be like, oh, 348 00:15:10,505 --> 00:15:12,125 am I, am I boring you, Mr. 349 00:15:12,175 --> 00:15:15,045 Brownstone? . I don't have that fantasy 350 00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,045 - . 351 00:15:17,865 --> 00:15:20,365 And you suck at role play. So I did suck at role play. 352 00:15:20,665 --> 00:15:22,285 Oh, I can't do it. I can't do it. 353 00:15:23,905 --> 00:15:25,605 - One day I would like to explore why 354 00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:26,685 that is so hard for me. 355 00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:28,645 Mm-Hmm. . But I don't fucking have time. 356 00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:30,965 Anyway. So I tried to break up some of these 357 00:15:30,985 --> 00:15:32,725 and the common things I could think of. 358 00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:35,845 And as always, it's inherently personal 359 00:15:35,845 --> 00:15:38,925 because it's things I understand that bring me pleasure. 360 00:15:40,305 --> 00:15:42,165 The point of this is one, to remind folks 361 00:15:42,165 --> 00:15:43,245 that there's different forms of pleasure. 362 00:15:43,365 --> 00:15:45,485 I think some people get very caught up in the 363 00:15:45,505 --> 00:15:46,725 sexual pleasure. 364 00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:48,325 Mm-Hmm. forgetting one of two things. 365 00:15:48,425 --> 00:15:49,765 One, that's not the only type of pleasure. 366 00:15:49,765 --> 00:15:51,365 And two, that not everybody is, 367 00:15:51,365 --> 00:15:53,045 this is not a sexual thing for everybody. 368 00:15:53,045 --> 00:15:55,765 Sometimes it can be platonic, it can be whatever, 369 00:15:56,065 --> 00:15:57,125 and just not be sexual. 370 00:15:57,135 --> 00:15:59,085 Which is why I continued 371 00:15:59,085 --> 00:16:00,965 to get annoyed at the pleasure dom thing. 372 00:16:00,965 --> 00:16:04,285 Because anyway, , 373 00:16:04,985 --> 00:16:06,005 We did that whole episode. 374 00:16:06,005 --> 00:16:07,765 Yeah. I've already screamed into the microphone about that. 375 00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:11,725 So I've broken it down the way I could think 376 00:16:11,725 --> 00:16:12,925 of it into four categories. 377 00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:16,885 But please, please, please. JB darling deer. Okay. 378 00:16:16,945 --> 00:16:19,205 If you think I've missed something, let's talk about it. 379 00:16:19,325 --> 00:16:21,165 I know the live chat will tell me if I've missed something. 380 00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:23,205 So the first one, serving, 381 00:16:23,945 --> 00:16:25,805 now serving can mean a lot of things. 382 00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:28,045 Um, I'm thinking of this from a service 383 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,325 submissive perspective point. 384 00:16:30,605 --> 00:16:31,685 I am a service sub. 385 00:16:32,265 --> 00:16:36,445 Um, I had like a wild thought the other day 386 00:16:36,445 --> 00:16:37,765 thinking about service submission. 387 00:16:38,025 --> 00:16:40,765 And I was like, wait, we talk about service tops. 388 00:16:40,865 --> 00:16:44,485 But I was like, wait, is there a service dom? 389 00:16:45,545 --> 00:16:48,725 Is that what pleasure dom really is? It is a service dom. 390 00:16:49,405 --> 00:16:50,965 I don't know. Hmm. I don't know. 391 00:16:51,045 --> 00:16:52,765 I ha I was having wild thoughts in the middle of the night. 392 00:16:53,285 --> 00:16:55,685 . So serving looks like a lot of different things. 393 00:16:56,345 --> 00:16:58,205 Um, sometimes people default, 394 00:16:58,295 --> 00:17:03,125 especially in hetero appearing power exchange, um, 395 00:17:03,495 --> 00:17:07,645 where the, uh, female is the it's female sub 396 00:17:07,995 --> 00:17:09,525 that serving is domestic. 397 00:17:09,635 --> 00:17:11,405 It's all the domestic activities. Yeah. 398 00:17:11,545 --> 00:17:14,965 But serving is doing something for 399 00:17:15,065 --> 00:17:18,205 or on behalf of your partner that they want you 400 00:17:18,225 --> 00:17:19,325 to do for them. 401 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,485 Right. There's all kinds of service. 402 00:17:21,765 --> 00:17:23,885 I, um, there's, and I don't know the details of these 403 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,045 'cause they're not my kinks and I don't have practice them. 404 00:17:26,115 --> 00:17:27,805 There's cigar service. Mm-Hmm. . 405 00:17:27,805 --> 00:17:29,245 There's boot blacking. Yep. 406 00:17:30,055 --> 00:17:33,005 There is, uh, this hits multiple ones. 407 00:17:33,005 --> 00:17:35,085 But human furniture, that's a service. 408 00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:38,885 Somebody's literally using your body to prop their feet up 409 00:17:38,885 --> 00:17:40,525 to sit on, to hold a tray. 410 00:17:40,675 --> 00:17:41,925 Like whatever. That's true. 411 00:17:42,225 --> 00:17:44,325 Um, that can be, that's, that's many things 412 00:17:44,325 --> 00:17:45,685 that falls under different categories. 413 00:17:45,685 --> 00:17:47,925 Right. But that is service for me. 414 00:17:47,985 --> 00:17:51,885 The way I think of service is taking care of you 415 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,405 and being of service. 416 00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:57,565 That there is a lot of domestic labor in that, um, for us, 417 00:17:57,625 --> 00:17:58,725 but not completely 418 00:17:58,725 --> 00:18:00,805 because we share a lot of the domestic tasks. 419 00:18:00,915 --> 00:18:02,445 Correct. You know, we share cooking, 420 00:18:02,505 --> 00:18:04,845 we share washing dishes, we share laundry, 421 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,165 we share grocery shopping. 422 00:18:07,345 --> 00:18:08,365 We share, the only part 423 00:18:08,365 --> 00:18:10,405 of grocery shopping we don't share is I make the 424 00:18:10,405 --> 00:18:11,525 list . 425 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,965 But , we even got to the point 426 00:18:14,995 --> 00:18:17,805 because I just could not, um, 427 00:18:18,835 --> 00:18:21,765 take on one more sort of mental load thing 428 00:18:22,155 --> 00:18:25,005 that now I don't do all the meal planning by myself. 429 00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:26,885 We share that as well. 430 00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:30,765 So when I say I'm serving, I'm taking care of, 431 00:18:31,065 --> 00:18:33,165 I'm doing for jb. 432 00:18:33,585 --> 00:18:37,925 And there are times that the first way I would describe 433 00:18:37,925 --> 00:18:39,645 that is not pleasurable . 434 00:18:40,105 --> 00:18:43,205 It is, um, in a not at all negative way. 435 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,645 It's a duty, it's a responsibility. 436 00:18:46,395 --> 00:18:48,685 It's a sense of obligation in a way 437 00:18:48,685 --> 00:18:51,085 that I don't want anybody to take negatively. 438 00:18:51,365 --> 00:18:55,325 I agreed to do this thing. It is not a hard limit. 439 00:18:55,465 --> 00:18:58,565 It is not physically taxing or impossible to do. 440 00:18:58,585 --> 00:18:59,685 So therefore I'm going to do it. 441 00:18:59,945 --> 00:19:02,885 But I get a huge sense of satisfaction of, 442 00:19:03,145 --> 00:19:06,765 and sometimes I get genuine happy, pleasure from it. 443 00:19:06,835 --> 00:19:11,085 Like, look at me. I did the thing. It helps. Mm-Hmm. 444 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:14,045 that he says thank you. He says, good girl. 445 00:19:14,405 --> 00:19:17,885 I have absolutely roasted him when I'm like 446 00:19:19,055 --> 00:19:23,325 aware that the dog has gotten more good girls than the 447 00:19:24,235 --> 00:19:25,565 oops I have. 448 00:19:26,145 --> 00:19:28,685 And if you don't think I don't bring that up. 449 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,725 You haven't been here long enough. . 450 00:19:31,985 --> 00:19:36,525 Do I do it in a sassy, fun, playful way? Yeah. I do. 451 00:19:38,265 --> 00:19:40,925 It, it, I can, we can joke about it. Right? 452 00:19:41,035 --> 00:19:42,845 Like, if it was like a serious problem 453 00:19:42,945 --> 00:19:44,525 and I was feeling really resentful 454 00:19:44,545 --> 00:19:47,045 and like I was, he wasn't showing gratitude at all. 455 00:19:47,745 --> 00:19:49,845 It would be a, we need to talk kind of thing. 456 00:19:51,025 --> 00:19:53,925 But it's, it's usually one of those that sort 457 00:19:53,925 --> 00:19:58,245 of human experience of you get used to how somebody behaves 458 00:19:58,245 --> 00:19:59,245 with you and is with you. 459 00:19:59,345 --> 00:20:01,085 And it's not that you don't appreciate them 460 00:20:01,085 --> 00:20:02,525 or you've fully taken them for granted. 461 00:20:02,525 --> 00:20:03,805 Like you just don't even know they exist. 462 00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:05,485 Instead, it just becomes part of the norm. 463 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:08,525 And so then you forget, you know, to say thank you. Mm-Hmm. 464 00:20:08,565 --> 00:20:10,605 or to acknowledge every 465 00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:12,685 so often if he said thank you every 466 00:20:12,695 --> 00:20:13,965 after every fucking thing I do 467 00:20:13,965 --> 00:20:15,605 around here, it would lose its meaning. 468 00:20:15,665 --> 00:20:17,765 It would lose its meaning. And I would be like, I love you 469 00:20:17,765 --> 00:20:18,885 so much, but shut the fuck up. 470 00:20:19,005 --> 00:20:20,245 I can't. I can't. 471 00:20:20,265 --> 00:20:22,325 If you did good girl after every fucking 472 00:20:22,325 --> 00:20:24,005 thing, it would lose its meaning. 473 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:28,405 But what I have found is I don't notice it 474 00:20:28,405 --> 00:20:30,285 as much when it's a semi-regular thing, 475 00:20:30,465 --> 00:20:31,805 but I notice the lack. 476 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:33,965 Oh, yeah. Right. Okay. 477 00:20:34,105 --> 00:20:35,125 And a, a calm, 478 00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:37,045 and we've talked about this under I think the service 479 00:20:37,265 --> 00:20:38,365 sub, uh, episode. 480 00:20:38,385 --> 00:20:40,245 And we've talked about it and, you know, 481 00:20:40,245 --> 00:20:41,805 advocating for your needs and burnout. 482 00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:43,325 We've talked about it in a lot of places. Yeah. 483 00:20:43,705 --> 00:20:48,165 But if I ha if I go too long without acknowledgement 484 00:20:48,165 --> 00:20:52,245 of the things I do, that's when resentment builds. 485 00:20:52,245 --> 00:20:54,125 And then I'm not feeling pleasure from it anymore. Mm-Hmm. 486 00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:55,805 right now I'm feeling obligation in the 487 00:20:56,045 --> 00:20:58,125 negative sense in the, this is drudgery 488 00:20:58,125 --> 00:20:59,245 and I just have to fucking do it. 489 00:20:59,265 --> 00:21:00,885 And actually I don't. It's a choice. Right? 490 00:21:01,525 --> 00:21:04,205 I mean, there was a time I did most of the domestic tasks 491 00:21:04,205 --> 00:21:06,445 around here, and then that didn't work for life. 492 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,165 And we renegotiated Mm-Hmm. . 493 00:21:08,165 --> 00:21:11,365 And now it's a, it's a much more even split 494 00:21:11,545 --> 00:21:12,765 in certain areas. 495 00:21:14,025 --> 00:21:16,205 But the pleasure, the pleasure is not 496 00:21:16,205 --> 00:21:17,325 just in the acknowledgement. 497 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,725 I can already hear cranky people who are like, well, 498 00:21:19,725 --> 00:21:20,765 why shouldn't we thank you for 499 00:21:20,805 --> 00:21:21,885 a thing that you said you would do? 500 00:21:22,025 --> 00:21:23,245 Oh, fuck you. I hate that shit. 501 00:21:23,625 --> 00:21:25,605 That's why we have a whole episode on gratitude. 502 00:21:26,525 --> 00:21:29,925 . But my initial pleasure 503 00:21:29,925 --> 00:21:31,085 is in the doing the thing. 504 00:21:31,375 --> 00:21:34,725 Right. I feel I just feel really fucking good 505 00:21:35,235 --> 00:21:36,325 that I did the thing. 506 00:21:36,475 --> 00:21:38,085 Look, I take a lot of self pride in myself. 507 00:21:38,285 --> 00:21:40,725 I get satisfaction from knowing I did a good damn job. 508 00:21:41,085 --> 00:21:43,845 I know I make his coffee better than he does. 509 00:21:44,025 --> 00:21:45,165 He didn't have to tell me that. 510 00:21:45,185 --> 00:21:48,525 But it was appreciated when he did, uh, sort of verified 511 00:21:48,525 --> 00:21:50,565 what I was like, oh, I'm pretty sure I'm making this better. 512 00:21:50,845 --> 00:21:53,085 'cause I just know I have the, I've got it down. 513 00:21:53,785 --> 00:21:55,885 Um, so I get pleasure from that. 514 00:21:55,965 --> 00:21:57,685 I get pleasure from knowing I've done the thing. 515 00:21:57,685 --> 00:21:59,725 Then I get pleasure from the 516 00:22:01,205 --> 00:22:03,045 semi-regular in whatever way it comes. 517 00:22:03,435 --> 00:22:06,325 Gratitude and acknowledgement. That's mm-Hmm. 518 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:07,805 There's pleasure in those things. 519 00:22:08,115 --> 00:22:09,525 Sometimes an act 520 00:22:09,525 --> 00:22:11,485 of service is a thing I didn't really wanna do. 521 00:22:11,995 --> 00:22:14,165 It's sort of like stinging pain. 522 00:22:14,285 --> 00:22:16,325 I don't really want stinging pain, but I can tolerate. 523 00:22:16,765 --> 00:22:19,085 I don't really want to, um, 524 00:22:20,875 --> 00:22:22,205 help you with your foot care. 525 00:22:22,205 --> 00:22:24,845 Right. , like, that's not my favorite thing 526 00:22:25,185 --> 00:22:26,765 to help him take care of his feet. 527 00:22:26,925 --> 00:22:29,285 I got a a foot thing. I'm like, it's not a fetish. 528 00:22:29,285 --> 00:22:31,525 It's the whatever the opposite of a fetish is, that's me. 529 00:22:31,985 --> 00:22:34,565 But I love him and I'm gonna do it. And it's service. Right? 530 00:22:34,565 --> 00:22:37,725 Like, it's, I want to help him. I want to take care of him. 531 00:22:37,805 --> 00:22:39,165 I want to do the things for him. 532 00:22:39,505 --> 00:22:40,925 So there are times when it's like, uh, 533 00:22:41,385 --> 00:22:44,485 the pleasure I feel is not in being nose 534 00:22:44,625 --> 00:22:45,685 to toenail with you. 535 00:22:45,835 --> 00:22:48,205 It's not, it's really not . 536 00:22:48,595 --> 00:22:51,405 It's in the knowing that I could do it for you. Okay. 537 00:22:51,595 --> 00:22:54,845 It's in how you are when you know I'm doing a thing I would 538 00:22:54,845 --> 00:22:57,405 never offer to do on my own . 539 00:22:58,995 --> 00:23:02,245 That you are the only human being alive who can ask for this 540 00:23:02,385 --> 00:23:03,405 and get the help for it. 541 00:23:03,425 --> 00:23:05,405 Mm-Hmm. . Um, you acknowledge it 542 00:23:05,465 --> 00:23:08,725 and show gratitude in more overt obvious ways. 543 00:23:09,025 --> 00:23:12,245 You know, I did it because you asked, right? Mm-Hmm. 544 00:23:12,285 --> 00:23:14,525 . And so, no, I'm, I'm not gonna, 545 00:23:14,785 --> 00:23:16,245 I'm not gonna volunteer it. 546 00:23:16,245 --> 00:23:18,565 Y'all. He's got to ask me if he wants it, 547 00:23:18,985 --> 00:23:20,445 but I'll do it every fucking time. 548 00:23:21,265 --> 00:23:24,205 You know? Yeah. I I, for me, outside of power exchange, 549 00:23:24,665 --> 00:23:27,405 if he asked for a thing I just did not want to do, 550 00:23:27,645 --> 00:23:29,565 I would find a way maybe to help him get it done. 551 00:23:29,665 --> 00:23:30,845 As long as I didn't have to do it 552 00:23:31,145 --> 00:23:33,085 as his submissive though, as a service. 553 00:23:33,175 --> 00:23:37,925 Submissive, I'm gonna go Yep. Yep. I'll, I will do that. 554 00:23:39,395 --> 00:23:41,565 I'll do it. Let's, let's go. We'll do the thing. Right. 555 00:23:42,555 --> 00:23:45,325 That, you know, when I think of service there, for me, 556 00:23:45,955 --> 00:23:47,525 it's all kinds of forms of pleasure. 557 00:23:47,525 --> 00:23:49,205 And I think most people think when they think pleasure, 558 00:23:49,205 --> 00:23:50,445 they think screaming orgasms. 559 00:23:50,585 --> 00:23:52,845 Yes. We'll get to that. Okay. . 560 00:23:53,225 --> 00:23:55,685 Um, they think arousal, 561 00:23:55,875 --> 00:23:58,245 they think erotic pleasure. 562 00:23:58,385 --> 00:24:02,245 And that is a huge part of kink and pleasure to gather. 563 00:24:02,245 --> 00:24:03,885 Mm-Hmm. . Like, there's, but there's 564 00:24:03,885 --> 00:24:06,325 so much more to it, and it's so much more nuanced. 565 00:24:06,425 --> 00:24:09,205 And that's the thing I, that I think gets forgotten when 566 00:24:09,205 --> 00:24:12,925 we're talking about submissives getting 567 00:24:12,955 --> 00:24:14,685 what they need from something, you know? 568 00:24:14,685 --> 00:24:18,605 True. True. I could not have, as a, a babysit, submissive 569 00:24:19,715 --> 00:24:21,205 explained the pleasure. 570 00:24:21,525 --> 00:24:23,525 I couldn't have like, broken it down and gone. 571 00:24:23,745 --> 00:24:25,085 I'd have just been like, I just feel so good. 572 00:24:25,085 --> 00:24:26,165 This just makes me happy. 573 00:24:26,545 --> 00:24:28,885 And quite frankly, if that's all the only thing you can ever 574 00:24:28,995 --> 00:24:30,725 express, that's fine. 575 00:24:30,865 --> 00:24:33,245 You, not everybody has to live in their head. 576 00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:35,245 The way I live in my head, , 577 00:24:36,045 --> 00:24:37,245 I am not sure I recommend it. 578 00:24:37,385 --> 00:24:40,685 Um, it's a scary place up there. 579 00:24:41,145 --> 00:24:43,485 Um, but it's, it's all this time later 580 00:24:43,485 --> 00:24:44,965 that I can go, okay, let's pick this apart. 581 00:24:45,105 --> 00:24:49,565 I'm getting, the pleasure I get is deep satisfaction. 582 00:24:49,715 --> 00:24:52,265 It's, you know, service. Yeah. 583 00:24:52,335 --> 00:24:55,465 It's having my own internal scratch itched. 584 00:24:55,465 --> 00:24:58,465 You know, I want to be the one who takes care of you. 585 00:24:58,865 --> 00:25:01,305 I get really pissy when you either try to do it yourself 586 00:25:01,305 --> 00:25:02,585 or somebody else tries to do it. 587 00:25:02,765 --> 00:25:05,625 That's not your fucking job. That's my job. She, 588 00:25:05,805 --> 00:25:08,025 - She, she has this huff 589 00:25:08,365 --> 00:25:11,385 and a sigh that 590 00:25:12,485 --> 00:25:13,505 is unbelievable. 591 00:25:13,725 --> 00:25:17,465 And yeah, it, it comes out, uh, 592 00:25:17,495 --> 00:25:19,985 when she sees me doing something, I should have asked help 593 00:25:20,375 --> 00:25:23,425 with . Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 594 00:25:23,465 --> 00:25:26,065 - . Mm-Hmm. . Okay. So, 595 00:25:26,495 --> 00:25:27,495 - Okay. 596 00:25:28,045 --> 00:25:30,865 - I'm, for me, this one is, is murky 597 00:25:30,865 --> 00:25:32,785 because service is so tied up in my submission. 598 00:25:32,785 --> 00:25:34,025 Mm-Hmm. . But I do wanna like, 599 00:25:34,025 --> 00:25:37,665 break out just submission as a concept as pleasure. 600 00:25:37,665 --> 00:25:42,305 Right. Okay. And this submission is the umbrella. 601 00:25:42,405 --> 00:25:44,065 So it could be serving, it could be the next 602 00:25:44,065 --> 00:25:45,345 things we're talking about sex. 603 00:25:45,345 --> 00:25:46,905 It could be sensations, it could be whatever. 604 00:25:47,125 --> 00:25:49,185 But to me, submission is you tell me 605 00:25:49,185 --> 00:25:50,665 to do a thing or you ask me. 606 00:25:50,665 --> 00:25:51,785 Mm-Hmm. . And I do it. 607 00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:54,625 And it's not always service. It's not always sexual. 608 00:25:55,525 --> 00:25:59,785 Um, or it can be submitting to Sens when we get to it. 609 00:25:59,785 --> 00:26:03,745 Sensations that I don't love, I'm submitting to your will. 610 00:26:03,745 --> 00:26:08,145 Mm-Hmm. . And I think that for newer subs 611 00:26:08,145 --> 00:26:11,865 who maybe those newer subs who haven't parsed out, you know, 612 00:26:12,245 --> 00:26:14,865 in detail what they want, they just want to submit. 613 00:26:15,345 --> 00:26:18,225 I, I think this is like the, the gateway, 614 00:26:18,775 --> 00:26:21,305 kink pleasure for a lot of newers. 615 00:26:21,305 --> 00:26:24,625 Not all, you know, some will have a, a better way 616 00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:26,545 of ex expressing it and, and understanding, 617 00:26:26,545 --> 00:26:28,065 and maybe they got more education about kink. 618 00:26:28,065 --> 00:26:30,025 Mm-Hmm. . But the, you know, my first 619 00:26:31,095 --> 00:26:32,545 realization that Oh shit, 620 00:26:32,605 --> 00:26:35,465 I'm submissive came from either watching stuff 621 00:26:35,525 --> 00:26:39,545 or reading other people's experiences, fictional 622 00:26:39,545 --> 00:26:42,745 or not, of just giving up the control. 623 00:26:42,755 --> 00:26:45,445 Right? Mm-Hmm. The not having to decide 624 00:26:46,065 --> 00:26:47,845 the no thoughts, just vibes. 625 00:26:48,105 --> 00:26:52,165 The I want what you want type of thing. 626 00:26:52,305 --> 00:26:54,845 And that pleasure can be all the forms of pleasure, right? 627 00:26:54,845 --> 00:26:56,245 Mm-Hmm. there is the sexual 628 00:26:56,265 --> 00:26:57,605 and the arousal and the erotic. 629 00:26:57,675 --> 00:26:59,925 There's just the happiness, you know? 630 00:27:00,745 --> 00:27:04,965 Um, afterwards when I submit to, to what you want, 631 00:27:05,795 --> 00:27:06,965 even if it's something I never 632 00:27:06,965 --> 00:27:08,085 would've chosen for myself, Mm-Hmm. 633 00:27:08,125 --> 00:27:10,365 , I absolutely do get a sense of satisfaction. 634 00:27:10,725 --> 00:27:13,085 I can be very proud of myself for taking 635 00:27:14,025 --> 00:27:16,565 or doing, especially since, in my case, 636 00:27:16,665 --> 00:27:18,245 we know I got a mouth on me 637 00:27:18,545 --> 00:27:21,365 and we know I usually have a million questions, . 638 00:27:21,465 --> 00:27:24,325 And so my, on a good day, 639 00:27:24,905 --> 00:27:27,205 my pleasure in the sense the pride 640 00:27:27,205 --> 00:27:30,285 and sense of satisfaction is, Ooh, look, I did not ask 641 00:27:30,865 --> 00:27:32,485 all the questions that came to mind. 642 00:27:32,805 --> 00:27:36,485 , . I just, I just did the thing. 643 00:27:36,585 --> 00:27:40,165 And there's, there's submission in scene, right? Mm-Hmm. 644 00:27:40,205 --> 00:27:41,485 , when you're like, get on your 645 00:27:41,485 --> 00:27:42,845 knees, crawl to me, right? 646 00:27:43,505 --> 00:27:44,645 Um, bend over, 647 00:27:45,305 --> 00:27:48,845 or, oh God, when you get into, we'll get to it 648 00:27:48,845 --> 00:27:50,925 with sensations, but you start pinching nipples 649 00:27:50,925 --> 00:27:52,965 and all I wanna do is run the fuck away. 650 00:27:53,025 --> 00:27:54,685 And you're like, don't move. 651 00:27:54,785 --> 00:27:59,285 And I just don't move, like, . That is . 652 00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:01,965 You doing okay? Aren't there? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. 653 00:28:02,525 --> 00:28:04,525 , you're doing great. I might be in 654 00:28:04,525 --> 00:28:05,925 for a very good evening, is 655 00:28:05,925 --> 00:28:07,645 what I'm gathering from your expression 656 00:28:07,645 --> 00:28:08,645 or reaction, one never knows. 657 00:28:08,715 --> 00:28:09,805 Just have to wait and see. 658 00:28:09,825 --> 00:28:12,765 Um, the place I think people get tripped up in 659 00:28:14,165 --> 00:28:16,325 pleasure from pure submission is when 660 00:28:18,845 --> 00:28:21,285 I think it's perfectly fine for a submissive at any level, 661 00:28:21,305 --> 00:28:23,405 at, at any point with any partner they trust. 662 00:28:23,585 --> 00:28:25,725 Mm-Hmm. to say in 663 00:28:25,725 --> 00:28:27,045 general or from time to time. 664 00:28:27,365 --> 00:28:29,405 I want what you want. Okay? Mm-Hmm. . 665 00:28:30,235 --> 00:28:31,965 However, okay. 666 00:28:32,305 --> 00:28:35,205 My criticism of that might critique, my warning 667 00:28:35,505 --> 00:28:38,525 to my fellow submissive is 668 00:28:39,585 --> 00:28:41,005 at some point out of scene, 669 00:28:41,115 --> 00:28:43,005 when you're not like all up in your head 670 00:28:43,005 --> 00:28:44,485 with all the kry going on, right. 671 00:28:44,705 --> 00:28:47,045 And all the fuckery, you have 672 00:28:47,045 --> 00:28:48,645 to think more in depth about what you mean by that. 673 00:28:49,115 --> 00:28:50,805 Because 674 00:28:51,025 --> 00:28:52,925 and you have to make sure that you have clearly 675 00:28:52,925 --> 00:28:54,245 expressed boundaries and limits. 676 00:28:54,675 --> 00:28:58,365 Because I can say to you, I, 677 00:28:58,885 --> 00:29:00,605 I want whatever you want, do what you want. 678 00:29:00,885 --> 00:29:02,845 I have absolutely gone do what you want. Right? Yeah. 679 00:29:03,225 --> 00:29:04,325 But it's with the knowledge 680 00:29:04,325 --> 00:29:06,845 and the trust that, you know what my limits are true. 681 00:29:07,165 --> 00:29:09,685 I know from an experience, you're gonna stay within those, 682 00:29:09,905 --> 00:29:11,005 the, like, the fence line. 683 00:29:11,205 --> 00:29:13,565 Mm-Hmm. of whatever I've said is acceptable. 684 00:29:13,815 --> 00:29:15,725 Right? And the thing I don't control is 685 00:29:16,075 --> 00:29:17,845 what order, the exact type. 686 00:29:17,845 --> 00:29:18,885 Because especially 687 00:29:18,885 --> 00:29:21,165 after this amount of time we're playing together, you know, 688 00:29:21,165 --> 00:29:24,285 what I tolerate versus what I genuinely adore. 689 00:29:24,395 --> 00:29:27,805 True. And so when I say, do what you want, that means, 690 00:29:27,985 --> 00:29:29,645 I'm saying, sure. 691 00:29:29,675 --> 00:29:31,605 This whole scene is just stuff I tolerate 692 00:29:31,755 --> 00:29:36,645 because the pleasure I'm getting is, is in that he, he got 693 00:29:36,645 --> 00:29:38,725 what he wanted, whatever that was. 694 00:29:38,945 --> 00:29:40,685 And I could take it, 695 00:29:41,485 --> 00:29:43,965 I could handle it, I endured it. 696 00:29:43,965 --> 00:29:45,685 Like I, I think some people get like, 697 00:29:45,685 --> 00:29:47,085 really in their feelings when you say 698 00:29:47,085 --> 00:29:49,125 that sometimes I'm just trying to endure this moment, 699 00:29:49,645 --> 00:29:52,365 , I am enduring it as an act of submission. 700 00:29:52,545 --> 00:29:55,245 And it is the submitting that makes me happy. 701 00:29:55,355 --> 00:29:56,685 That makes me feel satisfied. 702 00:29:56,875 --> 00:29:59,365 That gives me a sense of accomplishment and pride. Mm-Hmm. 703 00:29:59,565 --> 00:30:02,445 - . So now I'm, I'm curious, uh, between the, 704 00:30:02,465 --> 00:30:05,325 and this question covers both if not all. 705 00:30:05,545 --> 00:30:09,885 Mm. Um, you know, the serving as a pleasure, submission, 706 00:30:10,255 --> 00:30:12,165 submission, sex sensations as a pleasure. 707 00:30:12,625 --> 00:30:17,445 Um, is that enough in 708 00:30:17,685 --> 00:30:21,005 and of itself can be to, to satisfy and give you 709 00:30:21,245 --> 00:30:22,245 - Pleasure? 710 00:30:22,245 --> 00:30:23,125 It can be. I think that's gonna be, all 711 00:30:23,125 --> 00:30:24,725 of this is unique to the individual. 712 00:30:25,585 --> 00:30:30,465 It can be the, um, for me it's about, 713 00:30:33,025 --> 00:30:34,065 I don't, I don't wanna say quantity, 714 00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:38,465 but it's sort of the, if all I ever did was endure 715 00:30:38,645 --> 00:30:39,645 - Mm-Hmm. 716 00:30:39,645 --> 00:30:40,105 717 00:30:40,725 --> 00:30:43,625 - Of, it's sort of like if all I ever did was do things 718 00:30:43,625 --> 00:30:45,585 that I tolerate like that I tolerate, right? 719 00:30:45,585 --> 00:30:48,785 Yeah. If that's all we ever did, I think for me, 720 00:30:48,785 --> 00:30:52,745 and I think for most people, eventually you hit a point 721 00:30:52,745 --> 00:30:55,745 where you're like, but there's this thing I really crave 722 00:30:55,745 --> 00:30:59,345 and I really want, and this thing is either 723 00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:02,865 I'm still tolerating it, maybe I'm tolerating it better, 724 00:31:02,885 --> 00:31:04,025 but there's never been the, 725 00:31:04,105 --> 00:31:05,785 I really enjoy this kind of factor. 726 00:31:05,925 --> 00:31:08,105 Mm-Hmm. or there's the, 727 00:31:08,105 --> 00:31:09,665 but there's all these other ways of playing 728 00:31:09,665 --> 00:31:10,665 and we're not exploring them 729 00:31:10,685 --> 00:31:12,545 or these, there's all these other ways of doing things 730 00:31:12,645 --> 00:31:13,905 and we're not exploring them. 731 00:31:13,905 --> 00:31:15,785 Not exploring Mm-Hmm. , which is the danger 732 00:31:15,925 --> 00:31:19,305 of not expressing yourself to your partner 733 00:31:20,095 --> 00:31:21,505 fellows at missives about 734 00:31:21,655 --> 00:31:23,505 what you like and what you don't like. 735 00:31:23,645 --> 00:31:24,745 And I don't, yeah. You know, 736 00:31:25,605 --> 00:31:27,825 the only time you're gonna hear me speak up in scene 737 00:31:27,845 --> 00:31:30,545 or in the moment, , is if 738 00:31:31,055 --> 00:31:33,185 it's like the bad kind of pain, right? 739 00:31:33,185 --> 00:31:35,105 That I'm like, oh shit, that's like injury level 740 00:31:35,105 --> 00:31:36,145 pain. I don't want that 741 00:31:36,145 --> 00:31:37,145 - Pain. 742 00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:37,465 Mm-Hmm. Yeah. Or 743 00:31:37,645 --> 00:31:39,385 - Out of, out of the boundaries pain, right? 744 00:31:39,385 --> 00:31:40,185 Mm-Hmm. , we've crossed, 745 00:31:40,235 --> 00:31:41,305 we've crossed the fence line. 746 00:31:41,325 --> 00:31:44,825 No, no. Or if it's a thing that's happening 747 00:31:44,825 --> 00:31:49,145 that I could see causing a problem, like Mm-Hmm. 748 00:31:49,245 --> 00:31:50,985 In bondage, if you've tied me in a way, 749 00:31:50,985 --> 00:31:53,345 and now something's gone to, like, we can't, he could not, 750 00:31:53,405 --> 00:31:55,345 at this point, until I get all my neck and arms 751 00:31:55,405 --> 00:31:59,145 and stuff checked out, he could not tie up my arms . 752 00:31:59,685 --> 00:32:00,945 - No. - At all. 753 00:32:01,325 --> 00:32:03,825 It, I would immediately feel a distressing kind of pain. 754 00:32:04,445 --> 00:32:06,065 But it's my job to speak up in that moment. 755 00:32:06,445 --> 00:32:10,025 But when we're talking about the, I've, 756 00:32:10,255 --> 00:32:11,945 I've tolerated a sensation 757 00:32:11,945 --> 00:32:13,105 because I know it makes you happy. 758 00:32:13,575 --> 00:32:16,945 I've endured a thing that I don't love for the sense 759 00:32:16,945 --> 00:32:19,985 of satisfaction of having endured it, my job outside 760 00:32:19,985 --> 00:32:22,545 of the scene, outside of the like hot 761 00:32:22,545 --> 00:32:26,225 and heavy power exchange moment when we're like just 762 00:32:26,825 --> 00:32:29,385 chilling in our day and our, and like just Mm-Hmm. 763 00:32:29,425 --> 00:32:32,145 even keeled levelheaded is to say, 764 00:32:32,165 --> 00:32:33,225 Hey, let's talk about this. 765 00:32:33,335 --> 00:32:34,665 Here are some things I want you to know. 766 00:32:35,625 --> 00:32:38,105 I am very, and I don't think I'm alone in this. 767 00:32:38,685 --> 00:32:39,805 I'm very cognizant 768 00:32:39,985 --> 00:32:43,725 and very insecure about expressing my needs 769 00:32:43,745 --> 00:32:46,285 and tho them not coming across as a criticism, 770 00:32:47,785 --> 00:32:49,605 that's something for me and a therapist in the future. 771 00:32:50,025 --> 00:32:53,005 Um, but also 'cause I'm a raging people pleaser, 772 00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:56,045 but also I'm a sub to a dom who I don't ever want 773 00:32:56,045 --> 00:32:58,205 to be telling him what he should do, 774 00:32:58,865 --> 00:33:01,445 but also I have an obligation to myself 775 00:33:01,445 --> 00:33:04,445 and to him to tell him what I like and don't like. 776 00:33:04,455 --> 00:33:05,765 Right. Right. The thing is, 777 00:33:05,765 --> 00:33:07,085 is I don't tell him what he should do. 778 00:33:07,365 --> 00:33:09,445 I give him the information. Right. 779 00:33:09,545 --> 00:33:12,245 So that we update the menu options. Mm-Hmm. 780 00:33:12,285 --> 00:33:15,005 of what you can do to Kayla 781 00:33:15,345 --> 00:33:18,165 and that she will either tolerate and endure for you, 782 00:33:18,225 --> 00:33:20,525 or that she will love the fucking hell out of Mm-Hmm. 783 00:33:20,565 --> 00:33:21,685 . And that's my job 784 00:33:21,865 --> 00:33:23,245 to give him that information. 785 00:33:23,465 --> 00:33:25,445 And then because he is the person he is, 786 00:33:25,445 --> 00:33:26,725 and we've developed the trust that we have, 787 00:33:26,725 --> 00:33:29,485 and he's already proven this to me, I know he will take 788 00:33:29,485 --> 00:33:31,205 that information in Right. 789 00:33:31,305 --> 00:33:32,725 And adjust for me. Mm-Hmm. . 790 00:33:32,945 --> 00:33:35,605 And so for anybody who wants to be a keyboard warrior, 791 00:33:35,625 --> 00:33:37,245 and tell me about how that's topping from the bottom. 792 00:33:37,835 --> 00:33:39,405 Fuck you. 'cause it ain't 793 00:33:39,725 --> 00:33:40,725 - . 794 00:33:40,725 --> 00:33:43,085 Right? I, and, and we talked about this between you 795 00:33:43,085 --> 00:33:44,725 and I I think last week. 796 00:33:45,465 --> 00:33:49,005 Um, you know, telling me what you like Mm-Hmm. 797 00:33:49,045 --> 00:33:51,365 and what you don't like. Mm-Hmm. 798 00:33:51,405 --> 00:33:54,125 . I do not see as topping from the bottom. 799 00:33:54,985 --> 00:33:57,245 - No. It's, it's not - And it Right. 800 00:33:57,355 --> 00:33:59,485 - It's not a, you don't to see, it's just not. Yeah. 801 00:33:59,485 --> 00:34:04,205 - It, it's not. But you know, the, the point I'm trying 802 00:34:04,205 --> 00:34:05,725 to make is, you know, and, 803 00:34:05,745 --> 00:34:07,285 and the way we, we talked about it 804 00:34:07,285 --> 00:34:11,485 because I was like, all right, you know, if, if you told me 805 00:34:13,185 --> 00:34:18,045 you wanted a spanking, okay, you want a spanking, 806 00:34:18,395 --> 00:34:23,165 it's up to me to create how the spanking is done and when 807 00:34:23,165 --> 00:34:24,525 - It - Occurs and, and when it occurs. 808 00:34:24,525 --> 00:34:26,565 Mm-Hmm. , you're not telling me at this time 809 00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:28,125 of day I want to be over your knee. 810 00:34:28,205 --> 00:34:31,805 I wanna be hit with this implement. You know, that is 811 00:34:32,065 --> 00:34:34,125 - The funny thing is, is I can say that to you, 812 00:34:34,505 --> 00:34:37,405 but I can also say that to you knowing that one, I, 813 00:34:37,805 --> 00:34:39,645 whatever I've just dictated with all those details. 814 00:34:39,905 --> 00:34:40,885 Not getting it, not getting 815 00:34:40,885 --> 00:34:41,925 it not getting it that way. 816 00:34:42,385 --> 00:34:43,605 But I am free to do that. 817 00:34:43,665 --> 00:34:47,405 And it is still taken in as information to store 818 00:34:48,305 --> 00:34:50,245 and use later when you've decided. 819 00:34:50,265 --> 00:34:51,805 And there's, right. So that's the thing. 820 00:34:51,805 --> 00:34:53,245 Submission as pleasure. 821 00:34:54,185 --> 00:34:55,845 And again, like you said, it comes under all 822 00:34:55,845 --> 00:34:57,965 of the other parts I've got serving sex and sensations. 823 00:34:57,965 --> 00:34:59,965 Mm-Hmm. , lots of s words here. . 824 00:35:00,345 --> 00:35:04,645 Um, I'm reminded of the fact that I had a lisp as a child 825 00:35:04,705 --> 00:35:05,805 and I wonder if I still do. 826 00:35:06,305 --> 00:35:10,085 Anyway, , Um, the, 827 00:35:10,745 --> 00:35:12,325 the thing about that is that's 828 00:35:12,325 --> 00:35:13,885 where I can derive the pleasure. 829 00:35:13,885 --> 00:35:15,245 Mm-Hmm. . Because of the trust. 830 00:35:15,245 --> 00:35:16,845 Because you take it seriously. 831 00:35:17,125 --> 00:35:20,405 I tell you what I'm looking for or what I no longer like, 832 00:35:20,745 --> 00:35:23,165 or what I wish I would, you know, we could experience, 833 00:35:23,165 --> 00:35:25,525 we did that a few weeks ago when we were like, 834 00:35:26,075 --> 00:35:28,605 this is the kind of scene, this is the vibe I'd like, 835 00:35:28,605 --> 00:35:30,165 this is the thing I'd like to experience. 836 00:35:30,265 --> 00:35:33,805 And I was not able to articulate like real detailed stuff. 837 00:35:34,025 --> 00:35:36,405 I'm, that goes back to the, my, my mind goes blank. 838 00:35:36,485 --> 00:35:37,565 I can't initiate , 839 00:35:38,025 --> 00:35:40,285 but I could describe what I would like 840 00:35:40,285 --> 00:35:41,605 to try to experience and yes. 841 00:35:41,605 --> 00:35:43,925 Give examples of how I think that might work. 842 00:35:44,545 --> 00:35:47,165 The submission comes from I give him that information 843 00:35:48,345 --> 00:35:50,645 and then when he is ready to pull it out 844 00:35:50,645 --> 00:35:53,885 and do something with it, it's a, it's sometimes, 845 00:35:54,305 --> 00:35:56,085 and I'm gonna say this, and I don't mean 846 00:35:56,085 --> 00:35:57,165 this in a negative way. 847 00:35:57,965 --> 00:36:00,165 I hope some somebody else out there can relate. 848 00:36:01,105 --> 00:36:03,085 We will do something kinky, sexy, whatever. 849 00:36:03,385 --> 00:36:06,765 And it, and he will have decided. Right? 850 00:36:07,425 --> 00:36:09,845 And it, he always makes sure it's good for me in some way. 851 00:36:09,845 --> 00:36:13,085 Either I'm, I'm happy and satisfied that I endured, 852 00:36:13,105 --> 00:36:15,365 or hey, I got an orgasm that I like, 853 00:36:15,625 --> 00:36:17,645 or I felt a sensation I really like, 854 00:36:17,645 --> 00:36:19,405 like whatever it is at the end, 855 00:36:19,435 --> 00:36:21,285 there's always something about it that I'm like, yes. 856 00:36:21,285 --> 00:36:23,125 That I derive pleasure from that. 857 00:36:24,225 --> 00:36:26,285 At the same time, there are times 858 00:36:26,835 --> 00:36:28,805 that I'm all up in my little head, especially 859 00:36:28,805 --> 00:36:30,845 after I've been reading all these fucking books about 860 00:36:31,275 --> 00:36:33,445 exactly what I'd like to experience. 861 00:36:34,305 --> 00:36:35,645 And so I'm gonna use this word, 862 00:36:35,645 --> 00:36:38,125 and I don't mean it as strongly as you would interpret, 863 00:36:38,855 --> 00:36:43,845 there is a mild, mild level of disappointment. 864 00:36:44,505 --> 00:36:45,845 Not in a way that I'm dissatisfied. 865 00:36:46,025 --> 00:36:47,805 I'm not unhappy with anything that happened. 866 00:36:48,235 --> 00:36:51,965 It's more of the, oh, well, if I was in total control 867 00:36:51,985 --> 00:36:54,645 of this X, Y, z, 868 00:36:54,645 --> 00:36:56,045 and would've, it would, it would happen this way. 869 00:36:56,335 --> 00:36:59,325 Right? Yeah. And so then that goes back to, it's almost, 870 00:36:59,475 --> 00:37:01,885 it's almost like your own personal test of, 871 00:37:01,885 --> 00:37:03,085 am I really a submissive? 872 00:37:03,285 --> 00:37:07,685 'cause it's like , am I dissatisfied enough 873 00:37:07,785 --> 00:37:11,845 to want the freedom to dictate these things? 874 00:37:12,665 --> 00:37:14,165 And I don't, I don't Mm-Hmm. 875 00:37:14,205 --> 00:37:18,445 because all I have to do is in the non kink, 876 00:37:18,675 --> 00:37:21,405 non-sex moment, go, Hey, you know 877 00:37:21,405 --> 00:37:22,925 how we've been playing like this for a while. 878 00:37:22,995 --> 00:37:24,845 It's great. I love it. And you know, ma'am, people pleaser. 879 00:37:24,865 --> 00:37:26,925 I'm gonna make sure you know that I was not unhappy 880 00:37:27,225 --> 00:37:29,525 before I then do the critique sandwich 881 00:37:29,905 --> 00:37:31,845 of Yeah, here's what I'm missing. 882 00:37:31,905 --> 00:37:35,085 Here's what I would really like to experience that. 883 00:37:35,105 --> 00:37:38,165 And then again, and then I step back and he decides, 884 00:37:38,385 --> 00:37:39,845 and then, and he's not perfect. 885 00:37:40,075 --> 00:37:42,765 Okay. He's human. He might forget that I said something. 886 00:37:42,985 --> 00:37:44,285 We might go two or three more scenes 887 00:37:44,285 --> 00:37:46,325 and I'm not, I'm not seeing the thing 888 00:37:46,325 --> 00:37:49,685 that I wish I would see outside of the scene. 889 00:37:50,065 --> 00:37:51,205 I'm gonna check in again. 890 00:37:51,385 --> 00:37:53,445 Hey, did you, and, and sometimes he's gone. 891 00:37:53,445 --> 00:37:56,165 Oh shit, I forgot. 'cause it happens. Mm-Hmm. . 892 00:37:57,665 --> 00:37:59,725 So thankfully I derive pleasure 893 00:37:59,725 --> 00:38:00,805 just from the act of submission. 894 00:38:00,925 --> 00:38:03,085 I, and pleasure is such a wonky word 895 00:38:03,285 --> 00:38:05,205 'cause it encompasses so much, right? 896 00:38:05,365 --> 00:38:07,325 Like, I didn't maybe get off on it, 897 00:38:07,745 --> 00:38:10,405 but I certainly felt good at the end of it. 898 00:38:10,405 --> 00:38:13,045 Mm-Hmm. pleasure for me is not, is 899 00:38:13,105 --> 00:38:15,885 so much more than sexual or erotic. 900 00:38:15,955 --> 00:38:20,005 It's, it's, it's the Yeah, that was good. I'd do that again. 901 00:38:20,145 --> 00:38:23,685 I'm gonna keep going. It's a, i it's a reaffirmation 902 00:38:23,785 --> 00:38:25,885 of oh yeah, this is the role I want. 903 00:38:25,885 --> 00:38:27,485 Mm-Hmm. , this is the partner I want, 904 00:38:27,485 --> 00:38:28,885 this is the relationship I want. 905 00:38:28,885 --> 00:38:32,525 This is the something, something, it reaffirms for me 906 00:38:32,795 --> 00:38:36,365 that I'm in the right place doing the right thing for me. 907 00:38:36,475 --> 00:38:39,405 Yeah. So, okay. 908 00:38:39,705 --> 00:38:43,325 Now here's the one that obviously not everybody is gonna be 909 00:38:43,355 --> 00:38:44,365 like, this is not their thing. 910 00:38:44,365 --> 00:38:45,285 Mm-Hmm. . And that's okay. But we 911 00:38:45,285 --> 00:38:45,965 gotta talk about it. 912 00:38:46,705 --> 00:38:49,005 We have to talk about it because we as in JB 913 00:38:49,005 --> 00:38:51,925 and e experiences, and that is sexual pleasure. 914 00:38:52,315 --> 00:38:56,805 Correct. Which the most common part is the orgasm, right? 915 00:38:56,805 --> 00:38:58,725 Mm-Hmm. . But we have absolutely had sex 916 00:38:58,725 --> 00:39:00,365 where there was no orgasm. 917 00:39:00,465 --> 00:39:02,645 Mm-Hmm. . And in that, here's 918 00:39:02,645 --> 00:39:03,965 where all these things layer, right? 919 00:39:03,965 --> 00:39:07,165 And there's nuance. Sometimes the sex is you are 920 00:39:07,905 --> 00:39:10,645 big D taking what you want from me 921 00:39:10,645 --> 00:39:13,925 because we have that kind of pre-negotiated agreement. 922 00:39:14,785 --> 00:39:17,485 And it's not, it's genuinely not about 923 00:39:17,585 --> 00:39:19,085 my personal sexual pleasure. 924 00:39:19,145 --> 00:39:21,725 You, you don't want me to be unhappy with it or feel bad. 925 00:39:22,145 --> 00:39:25,285 But this is a moment where you're like, oh, I'm getting off 926 00:39:25,345 --> 00:39:28,165 and I'm gonna use whichever one of her aura thises, 927 00:39:28,325 --> 00:39:30,005 I can get to . 928 00:39:30,265 --> 00:39:32,805 And there there will be a getting off of, right? Mm-Hmm. 929 00:39:32,845 --> 00:39:36,005 utilizing Kayla's body. And I agree to that. 930 00:39:36,005 --> 00:39:38,405 And I fucking love it because the pleasure I get from that, 931 00:39:38,405 --> 00:39:41,645 even if I don't get an orgasm from it, is the service, 932 00:39:41,905 --> 00:39:46,205 the submission, the power, the, the claiming 933 00:39:46,825 --> 00:39:50,205 of the, like, this is like my body is then Mm-Hmm. 934 00:39:50,245 --> 00:39:51,845 for a moment, no longer my body. 935 00:39:51,905 --> 00:39:54,885 It is your body. It is my property. Right. . 936 00:39:55,465 --> 00:39:57,685 Who that's, and that's not, 937 00:39:57,745 --> 00:39:59,645 and that can be an erotic pleasure. 938 00:39:59,645 --> 00:40:01,565 That can be Yeah. Sexually arousing 939 00:40:02,195 --> 00:40:04,405 without the orgasm, first of all. 940 00:40:04,505 --> 00:40:06,965 And second of all, it can hit all the other 941 00:40:06,965 --> 00:40:08,125 different pleasure buttons. 942 00:40:08,125 --> 00:40:11,525 Like I'm feeling, I'm feeling like I'm feeling my real, 943 00:40:11,525 --> 00:40:12,925 like baby girl submissive self. 944 00:40:12,925 --> 00:40:15,725 Like Mm. I belong to him and I fucking love that feeling. 945 00:40:16,265 --> 00:40:17,725 And oh, he's so powerful. 946 00:40:17,725 --> 00:40:19,285 And that's like a turn on 947 00:40:19,385 --> 00:40:23,005 or that is, we go back to reaffirming sort of our roles. 948 00:40:23,035 --> 00:40:24,605 It's like, oh, oh, 949 00:40:24,605 --> 00:40:27,365 there's the big D there's the power and control. 950 00:40:27,465 --> 00:40:29,605 That's not the leader. We, there's no leadership here. 951 00:40:29,605 --> 00:40:33,765 There is power and control. Take your daddy like hell yeah. 952 00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:38,685 Right. , uh, I cannot stop grinning. 953 00:40:38,685 --> 00:40:42,325 Thank you. . But then there are the times 954 00:40:42,815 --> 00:40:44,685 where we're doing orgasm control. 955 00:40:44,685 --> 00:40:46,005 Mm-Hmm. . And it's edging 956 00:40:46,145 --> 00:40:47,325 and it's orgasm denial. 957 00:40:47,465 --> 00:40:48,845 And it's forced orgasms 958 00:40:48,845 --> 00:40:51,525 and it's, it's painful orgasms . 959 00:40:51,525 --> 00:40:53,405 Mm-Hmm. , which does get into the sensations, 960 00:40:53,405 --> 00:40:56,725 which is my, like last one in this little list here. 961 00:40:57,545 --> 00:41:01,525 And then the pleasure is not just climactic, right? Yeah. 962 00:41:01,595 --> 00:41:04,565 It's not just the orgasm. It is again, the submission. 963 00:41:04,825 --> 00:41:08,205 It is the control that you have. It is sometimes the pain. 964 00:41:08,275 --> 00:41:12,565 Like I'm like, make it hurt make it so overwhelming 965 00:41:12,595 --> 00:41:14,765 that I scream until my throat is raw 966 00:41:14,785 --> 00:41:15,885 and then I get to walk around 967 00:41:15,885 --> 00:41:18,845 with the sore throat reminder for the rest. 968 00:41:18,845 --> 00:41:20,525 Yeah. Like, that's delightful to me. Right. 969 00:41:20,525 --> 00:41:24,805 Like, make my body feel like we just did like a, 970 00:41:24,965 --> 00:41:27,645 a four hour workout because every muscle clenched 971 00:41:27,645 --> 00:41:29,285 and unc unclenched over and over again. 972 00:41:29,285 --> 00:41:30,525 Right. . Um, 973 00:41:31,745 --> 00:41:36,445 and so even pleasure in sexual pleasure 974 00:41:36,595 --> 00:41:40,005 from a submissive perspective is highly nuanced . 975 00:41:40,005 --> 00:41:43,645 Like, it's not just this one thing, which does bring me back 976 00:41:43,665 --> 00:41:46,845 to the pleasure doms give orgasms thing makes me 977 00:41:46,845 --> 00:41:47,965 just cringe, y'all. 978 00:41:47,965 --> 00:41:50,085 It just does. And I know I've already annoyed the people 979 00:41:50,085 --> 00:41:53,485 who've some kindly, some not so kindly, uh, 980 00:41:53,835 --> 00:41:55,605 were DMing about their thoughts on 981 00:41:55,605 --> 00:41:56,965 how they didn't agree with me last week. 982 00:41:57,315 --> 00:41:58,525 It's fine. Um, 983 00:41:59,385 --> 00:42:03,845 but, you know, it's just pleasure is not well, 984 00:42:03,845 --> 00:42:06,445 even when we're talking about a submissive pleasure, 985 00:42:07,035 --> 00:42:08,725 it's just not even the right word. 986 00:42:09,005 --> 00:42:12,725 'cause it's not enough to describe all 987 00:42:12,725 --> 00:42:14,965 of the different things that can encompass 988 00:42:15,665 --> 00:42:19,285 why you feel good about the thing you did, you know? 989 00:42:19,285 --> 00:42:20,885 Mm-Hmm. . It's just, it's a, 990 00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:25,645 it's a good broad term, but it, it's not nuanced enough. 991 00:42:26,045 --> 00:42:27,325 'cause the pleasure I, and, 992 00:42:27,385 --> 00:42:29,445 and the pleasure I experienced from 993 00:42:29,445 --> 00:42:30,525 scene to scene can be different. 994 00:42:30,525 --> 00:42:33,325 Like there will be common threads of enjoying the power 995 00:42:33,325 --> 00:42:34,885 and control, enjoying the submission. 996 00:42:35,075 --> 00:42:37,245 Yeah. But then there's the, oh, 997 00:42:38,085 --> 00:42:40,565 I had orgasmic pleasure because mm-Hmm. 998 00:42:40,605 --> 00:42:43,605 , I love a good multi-orgasmic thing. 999 00:42:43,665 --> 00:42:48,325 Or I had sexual tension and arousal without an orgasm 1000 00:42:48,325 --> 00:42:51,165 because that left me needy. And ty and 1001 00:42:51,165 --> 00:42:53,805 - Like, and, and see, I think that's a slippery slope 1002 00:42:54,505 --> 00:42:59,325 to slide down on to, uh, you know, say, Ooh, 1003 00:42:59,425 --> 00:43:03,565 you know, that last scene we had that was really spectacular 1004 00:43:04,105 --> 00:43:06,245 and I want this scene to be like that scene. 1005 00:43:06,415 --> 00:43:07,605 Right. You know, and it, 1006 00:43:07,605 --> 00:43:10,245 and it's, it, it's not gonna happen. 1007 00:43:11,065 --> 00:43:12,805 - You know, not, not - Like detailed. 1008 00:43:12,905 --> 00:43:14,605 Not not to the precise detail. Right. 1009 00:43:14,845 --> 00:43:17,965 'cause you're, you're now talking about, you know, 1010 00:43:17,965 --> 00:43:21,485 everything has to be in perfect alignment. Right? 1011 00:43:21,485 --> 00:43:25,725 - I want to happen, I want to recreate the exact thing 1012 00:43:25,725 --> 00:43:26,885 that happened this last time. 1013 00:43:26,885 --> 00:43:30,085 Yeah. And you can recreate the activities. Mm-Hmm. 1014 00:43:30,125 --> 00:43:31,925 . But the way you respond 1015 00:43:32,715 --> 00:43:34,085 will could be different. 1016 00:43:34,135 --> 00:43:36,005 - Right. You could be in a different head space. 1017 00:43:36,065 --> 00:43:37,565 You know, the moon phase could be different. 1018 00:43:37,565 --> 00:43:39,765 Temperature can be different. Right. How your body 1019 00:43:39,825 --> 00:43:41,405 - Is feeling will be different. 1020 00:43:41,795 --> 00:43:44,165 Exactly. How your partner applies. 1021 00:43:45,145 --> 00:43:47,325 The sensation will be different because Mm-Hmm. 1022 00:43:47,365 --> 00:43:51,085 , I mean, you can say, I could say, okay, 1023 00:43:51,195 --> 00:43:54,965 last time we played forced orgasms, you gave me like five 1024 00:43:54,965 --> 00:43:56,765 of this, you edged me three times, right? 1025 00:43:56,765 --> 00:43:58,925 Mm-Hmm. . And you could follow the, 1026 00:43:58,925 --> 00:44:00,245 that guideline again, 1027 00:44:00,545 --> 00:44:02,925 but the amount of pressure you apply 1028 00:44:02,925 --> 00:44:05,205 with your hand versus which, you know, 1029 00:44:05,225 --> 00:44:08,725 how you hold the toy against me, the angle of the toy, like 1030 00:44:09,075 --> 00:44:10,075 - Yeah. 1031 00:44:10,075 --> 00:44:11,125 - It'll never be identical. 1032 00:44:11,225 --> 00:44:14,765 And so there's nothing wrong with wanting the same type 1033 00:44:14,765 --> 00:44:15,805 of scene multiple times, 1034 00:44:16,705 --> 00:44:18,765 - But you expect the same outcome. Right. And 1035 00:44:18,765 --> 00:44:22,085 - Trying to chase a specific form of pleasure so 1036 00:44:22,085 --> 00:44:25,245 that you can have it exactly like you had it last time. 1037 00:44:25,525 --> 00:44:27,565 I think you set yourself up for disappointment. Correct. 1038 00:44:27,715 --> 00:44:29,965 It's right up there with trying to chase subspace. Mm-Hmm. 1039 00:44:30,005 --> 00:44:32,125 . Like, ideally, ultimately 1040 00:44:32,125 --> 00:44:35,245 what you do is you have a scene or a moment 1041 00:44:35,585 --> 00:44:38,485 or a whatever with your partner as a submissive 1042 00:44:38,795 --> 00:44:42,405 that you consent to hopefully you're excited about. 1043 00:44:42,465 --> 00:44:44,365 Mm-Hmm. that has elements of what you, 1044 00:44:44,435 --> 00:44:47,445 what bring you pleasure in the moment, right? 1045 00:44:47,585 --> 00:44:51,405 Yep. And then at the end of it, you walk away satisfied, 1046 00:44:51,655 --> 00:44:54,365 happy to have done it, willing to do something with 1047 00:44:54,365 --> 00:44:55,445 that person again. 1048 00:44:55,955 --> 00:44:57,965 Like that is a form of pleasure. 1049 00:44:58,065 --> 00:45:02,965 And if you get the same kind of orgasmic pleasure 1050 00:45:02,985 --> 00:45:05,405 or erotic pleasure or sexual arousal Mm-Hmm. 1051 00:45:05,445 --> 00:45:06,485 that you got in a previous 1052 00:45:06,575 --> 00:45:08,285 scene, that's wonderful. 1053 00:45:08,945 --> 00:45:10,765 If you go to Subspace, that's wonderful. 1054 00:45:11,145 --> 00:45:12,805 But if those are the goals, 1055 00:45:13,755 --> 00:45:16,045 then I think you're ultimately gonna be disappointed. 1056 00:45:16,545 --> 00:45:20,965 The goal is to find pleasure in general that 1057 00:45:21,025 --> 00:45:22,445 as you define it as pleasure. 1058 00:45:22,445 --> 00:45:24,885 Mm-Hmm. . But yeah, I think, I think 1059 00:45:24,885 --> 00:45:26,885 that you have to be careful about chasing. 1060 00:45:27,965 --> 00:45:29,885 I want to feel exactly like I felt mm-Hmm. 1061 00:45:29,925 --> 00:45:31,765 on this Tuesday at eight 30 while 1062 00:45:31,765 --> 00:45:32,965 strapped to this St. 1063 00:45:32,965 --> 00:45:35,165 Andrew's cry. Yeah. Wouldn't we all? Yeah. 1064 00:45:35,165 --> 00:45:37,885 What quite frankly, I can think of some scenes where 1065 00:45:38,605 --> 00:45:40,245 I was floaty almost immediately. 1066 00:45:40,725 --> 00:45:42,125 I could take sensations that I never 1067 00:45:42,125 --> 00:45:43,405 would've thought I could take the Mm-Hmm. 1068 00:45:43,445 --> 00:45:46,045 the crowd. 'cause it was public play. 1069 00:45:46,105 --> 00:45:47,565 The, the, the vibe 1070 00:45:47,585 --> 00:45:49,605 and the energy of the crowd watching like all of that. 1071 00:45:49,605 --> 00:45:52,085 And I'm like, oh my God, I would kill to have that again. 1072 00:45:52,665 --> 00:45:55,725 We may never have that exact right moment again. Correct. 1073 00:45:55,725 --> 00:45:58,925 Because it just doesn't work that way. No, it doesn't. 1074 00:45:58,985 --> 00:46:02,685 It doesn't. So I, let's see. 1075 00:46:02,985 --> 00:46:04,925 And then the last one. Mm-Hmm. 1076 00:46:04,965 --> 00:46:09,485 because thi this is the one I ha I would've 1077 00:46:09,485 --> 00:46:11,085 put anyway, but I had to put, 1078 00:46:11,355 --> 00:46:14,685 because I have to give side eye to the sexual pleasure part 1079 00:46:14,685 --> 00:46:16,965 of pleasure doming sensations. 1080 00:46:17,225 --> 00:46:18,485 Mm. As pleasure. 1081 00:46:18,665 --> 00:46:20,765 Now, the most common sensation that people think 1082 00:46:20,765 --> 00:46:24,485 of when they think of the sensations we experience 1083 00:46:25,065 --> 00:46:26,605 in kink that is pain. 1084 00:46:26,705 --> 00:46:28,965 And I, I get it, it's super common. Mm-Hmm. . 1085 00:46:29,205 --> 00:46:30,725 A lot of people like to play with pain. 1086 00:46:30,885 --> 00:46:32,605 I think what it gets forgotten is a lot 1087 00:46:32,605 --> 00:46:34,645 of people also don't like to play with pain. 1088 00:46:35,195 --> 00:46:37,245 True. True. And there are so many more sensations in that, 1089 00:46:37,245 --> 00:46:38,845 that you can then derive pleasure. 1090 00:46:38,905 --> 00:46:40,645 We, I use this example all the time 1091 00:46:40,715 --> 00:46:43,925 because it, I think rewired my brain a bit. 1092 00:46:44,945 --> 00:46:47,005 You did a sensual massage scene with me 1093 00:46:47,015 --> 00:46:48,885 where the control was, I was not allowed to move. 1094 00:46:49,225 --> 00:46:50,885 Mm-Hmm. , I could not. 1095 00:46:51,345 --> 00:46:54,165 Uh, and you dictated where and how much 1096 00:46:54,165 --> 00:46:55,245 and with what pressure and blah, blah, blah. 1097 00:46:55,245 --> 00:46:59,605 How you touched me. And it was slow and it was sensible. 1098 00:46:59,605 --> 00:47:02,085 Mm-Hmm. . And by the end of it, I was, once, 1099 00:47:02,125 --> 00:47:04,085 I kind of have permission to like move a little bit. 1100 00:47:04,165 --> 00:47:05,205 I was fucking writhing. 1101 00:47:05,665 --> 00:47:08,565 It touched not a single like direct, 1102 00:47:09,955 --> 00:47:11,725 very filled with nerves. 1103 00:47:12,035 --> 00:47:13,685 Spot, uh, area. 1104 00:47:14,125 --> 00:47:18,405 caused not a lick of fucking pain. None. None. 1105 00:47:18,505 --> 00:47:21,165 No pain. Which weirdly, these days I'd be like, oh, 1106 00:47:21,165 --> 00:47:22,445 I'm sorry, you're gonna need to pinch something. 1107 00:47:22,445 --> 00:47:24,725 Uh, what are we doing here? . . 1108 00:47:26,145 --> 00:47:28,045 The sensation was soft. Mm-Hmm. . 1109 00:47:28,045 --> 00:47:30,685 There was pressure, but the nothing 1110 00:47:30,685 --> 00:47:34,045 that I would ever classify as pain, and it was delightful. 1111 00:47:34,625 --> 00:47:38,245 And it was still like top five scene we've ever done 1112 00:47:38,425 --> 00:47:39,685 in all of our time together. 1113 00:47:41,115 --> 00:47:43,485 Nothing about it was painful. There wasn't even an orgasm. 1114 00:47:43,485 --> 00:47:45,485 I don't even think, I think you, we did all of that. 1115 00:47:46,425 --> 00:47:47,925 And then you kinda let me come down from it 1116 00:47:47,925 --> 00:47:50,045 and then like separately, I think we probably finished 1117 00:47:50,155 --> 00:47:51,245 like we had sex. 1118 00:47:51,315 --> 00:47:54,005 Yeah. But it wasn't part of that moment. No. 1119 00:47:54,115 --> 00:47:56,645 That moment was about you exploring my body. Mm-Hmm. 1120 00:47:56,685 --> 00:47:58,445 and me giving up control and letting you 1121 00:47:58,445 --> 00:48:00,565 and doing what you said, which was don't move. 1122 00:48:01,145 --> 00:48:02,405 Ooh. That was really hard. Uh, 1123 00:48:02,405 --> 00:48:05,605 I don't know if y'all can tell I'm a fidgety girl. 1124 00:48:06,885 --> 00:48:07,965 . Mm-Hmm. . 1125 00:48:07,965 --> 00:48:10,445 Especially if I think if I can move my body at a certain 1126 00:48:10,495 --> 00:48:13,165 angle, I can like get right under that fingertip. 1127 00:48:13,165 --> 00:48:14,565 Here, I'll just, let me just twist. 1128 00:48:14,665 --> 00:48:19,605 Let me just, oh, there, now you're touching the, could 1129 00:48:19,605 --> 00:48:21,085 that be seen as topping from the bottom? 1130 00:48:21,225 --> 00:48:22,845 Not if you're both having a good time with it. 1131 00:48:25,745 --> 00:48:28,525 If I made him smile or laugh. No, . 1132 00:48:29,875 --> 00:48:32,045 It's just being a sassy baby girl. 1133 00:48:34,585 --> 00:48:36,885 So I, you know, it is always good, especially 1134 00:48:36,885 --> 00:48:38,285 for newer subs and newer doms. 1135 00:48:38,285 --> 00:48:39,645 Mm-Hmm. to remember that pain is 1136 00:48:39,645 --> 00:48:40,725 not the only fucking sensation. 1137 00:48:40,735 --> 00:48:43,685 Right. Sexual arousal is not the only sensation. Right. 1138 00:48:43,685 --> 00:48:45,565 There's so many sensations now. Mm-Hmm. . 1139 00:48:45,565 --> 00:48:47,125 There are some sensations. I mean, 1140 00:48:47,125 --> 00:48:48,405 - This baby girl right here, 1141 00:48:48,825 --> 00:48:50,565 she loves her freaking butt rubs. 1142 00:48:50,595 --> 00:48:51,605 Okay. Oh 1143 00:48:52,425 --> 00:48:53,425 - God. 1144 00:48:53,425 --> 00:48:55,885 A warm hand. Sometimes my butt is cold. 1145 00:48:55,905 --> 00:48:59,205 Not often hot flashes are real, but just that. Yeah. 1146 00:48:59,205 --> 00:49:00,685 That it's soothing. Mm-Hmm. . 1147 00:49:00,745 --> 00:49:02,565 And then like, you'll squeeze my butt 1148 00:49:02,565 --> 00:49:03,805 and sometimes you'll squeeze it painfully. 1149 00:49:03,805 --> 00:49:06,845 And I fucking love that. Leave fingertip bruises on my body. 1150 00:49:06,845 --> 00:49:08,805 Please. Jesus. I love it. . 1151 00:49:08,805 --> 00:49:11,125 But sometimes it's not painful, it's just, it's pressure. 1152 00:49:11,125 --> 00:49:13,765 Yeah. It's, it's also a, a form of control. 1153 00:49:13,765 --> 00:49:16,925 Like I could make this hurt worse. Mm-Hmm. . 1154 00:49:17,145 --> 00:49:19,245 Uh, but I don't have to, I can, you know, 1155 00:49:19,265 --> 00:49:20,845 you control that sensation. I 1156 00:49:20,845 --> 00:49:21,885 - Got your attention. Fucking love 1157 00:49:21,885 --> 00:49:22,885 - It. 1158 00:49:22,885 --> 00:49:25,005 . Um, there are sensations 1159 00:49:25,005 --> 00:49:27,165 that some people would call painful and I wouldn't Mm-Hmm. 1160 00:49:27,205 --> 00:49:29,205 , when we do wax play paraffin 1161 00:49:29,225 --> 00:49:30,565 wax that fucking hurts. 1162 00:49:30,675 --> 00:49:33,645 That shit hurts. That shit hurts. Soy wax. 1163 00:49:33,885 --> 00:49:35,925 I don't consider it painful in the same way. 1164 00:49:36,435 --> 00:49:39,245 It's a warm sensation. And sometimes it's a hot sensation. 1165 00:49:39,275 --> 00:49:42,205 Like when you step into a hot shower, funnily enough, 1166 00:49:42,245 --> 00:49:43,485 I prefer a lukewarm shower. 1167 00:49:43,965 --> 00:49:45,485 , I don't like my water. It's too hot. 1168 00:49:46,305 --> 00:49:48,845 Um, and that's the other thing to remember. 1169 00:49:48,905 --> 00:49:50,645 The way you classify a sensation 1170 00:49:50,665 --> 00:49:52,965 and experience a sensation true, is not necessarily 1171 00:49:52,965 --> 00:49:54,445 how somebody else experiences it. 1172 00:49:54,465 --> 00:49:58,045 And so, one, there's sensations that 1173 00:49:59,025 --> 00:50:01,085 you feel that you love that bring you pleasure. 1174 00:50:01,085 --> 00:50:04,045 When you try to then describe it to somebody else 1175 00:50:04,185 --> 00:50:05,565 and go, oh, you'll probably love this. 1176 00:50:05,585 --> 00:50:08,205 It feels like this. The reality is, 1177 00:50:08,205 --> 00:50:10,605 is they may have a completely different experience with 1178 00:50:10,605 --> 00:50:11,525 that sensation and they would 1179 00:50:11,525 --> 00:50:12,805 never describe it the way you describe it. 1180 00:50:12,925 --> 00:50:14,805 'cause their body process and their mind 1181 00:50:14,915 --> 00:50:16,165 processed it differently. 1182 00:50:16,585 --> 00:50:17,845 And so sensa, there's a lot 1183 00:50:17,845 --> 00:50:19,485 of experimentation when you're playing 1184 00:50:19,485 --> 00:50:21,005 with sensations to find Mm-Hmm. 1185 00:50:21,045 --> 00:50:23,485 like what's the threshold of 1186 00:50:23,485 --> 00:50:28,005 where it stops being a tolerable and there's still enjoyment 1187 00:50:28,005 --> 00:50:29,085 and pleasure sensation. 1188 00:50:29,145 --> 00:50:32,285 And it, it tips over into that's a hard limit. 1189 00:50:32,345 --> 00:50:34,445 Get it the fuck away from me. Yeah. Kind of sensation. 1190 00:50:35,025 --> 00:50:37,445 Um, JB loves to play on that line with me. 1191 00:50:37,885 --> 00:50:40,125 , I dunno what you're talking about. 1192 00:50:40,585 --> 00:50:42,725 It usually starts with a stinger, 1193 00:50:42,725 --> 00:50:44,725 a burn sensation with impact. 1194 00:50:45,505 --> 00:50:48,725 And then how long can he stay in that one spot? 1195 00:50:48,825 --> 00:50:53,285 Or how much can he amp up the intensity of the sensation 1196 00:50:53,285 --> 00:50:55,685 before I'm screaming like yellow or red 1197 00:50:55,875 --> 00:50:57,885 because I can't handle it anymore. 1198 00:50:57,885 --> 00:50:59,405 Right? Mm-Hmm. . Um, 1199 00:50:59,545 --> 00:51:01,725 and there the, for me, the pleasure, 1200 00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:02,805 we go back to things I've already said. 1201 00:51:02,825 --> 00:51:04,525 The pleasure is not in the sensation. 1202 00:51:04,525 --> 00:51:06,405 It's a sensation I tolerate and endure. 1203 00:51:06,465 --> 00:51:07,925 The pleasure is in the submission. 1204 00:51:07,945 --> 00:51:10,605 The pleasure is in the accomplishment of having endured it. 1205 00:51:11,225 --> 00:51:14,085 The pleasure is in the pleasure he's gonna give me 1206 00:51:14,085 --> 00:51:15,525 after I do this thing for him. 1207 00:51:15,765 --> 00:51:18,645 'cause I'm a good girl who let him have his fun 1208 00:51:19,585 --> 00:51:22,885 and now he's gonna let me have my fun now. 1209 00:51:22,915 --> 00:51:25,765 Like, Mm-Hmm. . But yeah, I mean, 1210 00:51:26,985 --> 00:51:29,045 I'm not a big feather soft. 1211 00:51:29,075 --> 00:51:31,765 Like I know that a lot of people love to play with like, um, 1212 00:51:31,765 --> 00:51:33,085 gloves that have like fur on 1213 00:51:33,085 --> 00:51:34,725 or paddles that have a furry side. 1214 00:51:34,725 --> 00:51:35,765 Mm-Hmm. . And I say furry, like 1215 00:51:35,765 --> 00:51:36,845 it's faux fur usually. 1216 00:51:37,385 --> 00:51:39,525 Um, or yeah, feathers 1217 00:51:39,525 --> 00:51:44,445 and feather gestures that I think if, if I'm relaxed enough 1218 00:51:44,465 --> 00:51:47,085 and I'm like not still in my head too 1219 00:51:47,085 --> 00:51:48,485 much, I'd be fine with it. 1220 00:51:48,865 --> 00:51:51,445 And quite frankly, it's not just the sensation, 1221 00:51:51,445 --> 00:51:52,485 it's how it's applied. 1222 00:51:52,625 --> 00:51:55,125 So I would never wanna say I would never enjoy that, 1223 00:51:55,425 --> 00:51:57,925 but it is not a sensation I'm gonna seek, seek out. 1224 00:51:58,865 --> 00:52:02,565 I'm gonna seek deep pressure, fuddy, 1225 00:52:04,075 --> 00:52:06,005 warm sensations. 1226 00:52:06,505 --> 00:52:08,765 I'm gonna, I want it to be just intense enough 1227 00:52:08,765 --> 00:52:11,085 that there's no way, I don't know what it is, 1228 00:52:11,785 --> 00:52:13,685 but not so intense that I go, oh my God, 1229 00:52:13,805 --> 00:52:15,165 I can't, I cannot, I cannot. 1230 00:52:15,265 --> 00:52:16,805 I'm dying. Clearly. I'm dying. 1231 00:52:17,385 --> 00:52:19,405 My skin is being peeled away from my body. 1232 00:52:19,605 --> 00:52:20,605 , I'm dying . 1233 00:52:20,705 --> 00:52:23,045 And there's a line and everybody has that line. 1234 00:52:23,665 --> 00:52:27,245 Um, but yeah, I mean, anything can be a sensation. 1235 00:52:27,745 --> 00:52:30,285 His fingertips running down my skin. That's a sensation. 1236 00:52:30,305 --> 00:52:31,685 And it's not, it's not painful. 1237 00:52:31,925 --> 00:52:33,565 I mean, his fingernails rang down. 1238 00:52:33,565 --> 00:52:35,525 My skin can go from not at all painful 1239 00:52:35,545 --> 00:52:36,805 to oh my god, painful. 1240 00:52:36,905 --> 00:52:40,045 And I'm usually here for it. , . 1241 00:52:40,335 --> 00:52:41,725 He'll do, he'll bite me sometimes 1242 00:52:41,745 --> 00:52:44,245 and it starts out, I'm like, okay, I'm okay. 1243 00:52:44,435 --> 00:52:46,165 Okay. And then he is like, oh no, I'm going to marker. 1244 00:52:46,465 --> 00:52:48,885 Mm-Hmm. . And then I'm like, I am dying. 1245 00:52:49,445 --> 00:52:52,925 I, I, I, I have to endure or I have to say word. 1246 00:52:52,995 --> 00:52:54,205 What is happening? . 1247 00:52:54,625 --> 00:52:56,605 And then, and this is Marx's pleasure. 1248 00:52:56,605 --> 00:52:58,485 Then I see the, the result 1249 00:52:58,665 --> 00:53:02,645 and the pleasure is the, the satisfaction, the pride 1250 00:53:02,645 --> 00:53:04,005 that we're back to those words again. 1251 00:53:04,005 --> 00:53:06,165 Mm-Hmm. of, oh look, I've been marked. Right. 1252 00:53:06,475 --> 00:53:10,725 Yeah. So I think most of us kind of understand 1253 00:53:10,725 --> 00:53:12,845 that there's a million different sensations to experience. 1254 00:53:13,145 --> 00:53:15,485 But it does, I think sometimes we need a reminder, 1255 00:53:15,485 --> 00:53:20,205 especially when, you know, we get too far into the Well, 1256 00:53:20,325 --> 00:53:23,005 I knew that I didn't like pain and I wondered if I was kinky 1257 00:53:23,005 --> 00:53:24,045 because I didn't like pain. 1258 00:53:24,155 --> 00:53:27,565 Well, you know, pain is common. Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. 1259 00:53:27,645 --> 00:53:30,565 A lot of, a lot of people like even just a touch of it, 1260 00:53:30,985 --> 00:53:32,285 but plenty of people don't. 1261 00:53:32,635 --> 00:53:33,635 It's 1262 00:53:33,975 --> 00:53:34,975 - Right. 1263 00:53:34,975 --> 00:53:36,405 - So many ways to experience pleasure 1264 00:53:36,745 --> 00:53:39,365 as a submissive in general, in kink more broadly. 1265 00:53:39,515 --> 00:53:44,285 Yeah. What else would you say? 1266 00:53:44,285 --> 00:53:45,725 Because I've said so funny, 1267 00:53:46,045 --> 00:53:47,045 - . 1268 00:53:47,045 --> 00:53:48,885 I, I think I, I think you have covered it quite well, 1269 00:53:49,065 --> 00:53:50,645 and there's very little I can say on 1270 00:53:50,645 --> 00:53:51,685 the subject at this point. 1271 00:53:52,405 --> 00:53:56,245 - I, you know, I certainly have left some examples out, 1272 00:53:56,245 --> 00:53:57,845 some other ways of describing pleasure. 1273 00:53:58,385 --> 00:53:59,565 Um, as I said at the top, 1274 00:53:59,655 --> 00:54:02,605 these are the ways I sort classified different parts 1275 00:54:02,705 --> 00:54:06,285 of pleasure as a submissive from my personal perspective. 1276 00:54:06,945 --> 00:54:08,645 So if there's other ways that I didn't think 1277 00:54:08,645 --> 00:54:09,805 about, you know, feel free to share. 1278 00:54:10,865 --> 00:54:14,245 And also remember that the way I'm feeling pleasure 1279 00:54:14,245 --> 00:54:16,365 and describing it and what brings me pleasure 1280 00:54:16,865 --> 00:54:18,485 and satisfaction and blah, blah, blah. 1281 00:54:18,485 --> 00:54:21,125 mm-Hmm. it, it's unique to me. It does. 1282 00:54:21,265 --> 00:54:23,365 You don't, you don't have to find the things 1283 00:54:23,365 --> 00:54:25,685 that I find pleasurable that doesn't have 1284 00:54:25,685 --> 00:54:26,845 to mean the same thing for you. 1285 00:54:27,045 --> 00:54:30,005 I think the acknowledgement is submissives ought 1286 00:54:30,005 --> 00:54:32,165 to be experiencing pleasure, however they define it. 1287 00:54:32,195 --> 00:54:35,125 Sure. And if their partner is not prioritizing 1288 00:54:35,665 --> 00:54:39,205 on some level, I don't mean even like, I, I like that jbs, 1289 00:54:39,205 --> 00:54:40,765 like, I'm gonna make sure you get yours, 1290 00:54:40,765 --> 00:54:42,125 but I'm gonna make sure I get mine too. 1291 00:54:42,345 --> 00:54:43,925 That's the power of this. Right. 1292 00:54:44,305 --> 00:54:46,205 But I know that there are doms out there, 1293 00:54:46,205 --> 00:54:47,565 and these seem to be the people 1294 00:54:47,585 --> 00:54:49,085 who tend to call themselves pleasure. 1295 00:54:49,115 --> 00:54:50,245 Doms that have reached out 1296 00:54:50,245 --> 00:54:53,085 to me is they prioritize their partner's pleasure. 1297 00:54:53,115 --> 00:54:54,525 There's nothing fucking wrong with that. 1298 00:54:54,825 --> 00:54:56,925 But let's get real about what pleasure can mean 1299 00:54:57,275 --> 00:54:59,765 because it's, it's not as narrow 1300 00:54:59,905 --> 00:55:01,685 as some folks want to talk about it. 1301 00:55:02,625 --> 00:55:03,925 And then of course, I always like 1302 00:55:03,925 --> 00:55:07,045 to do the friendly reminder of, fuck that person who thinks 1303 00:55:07,045 --> 00:55:10,205 that the only pleasure a, some should experience is 1304 00:55:10,775 --> 00:55:11,965 their pleasure, is the dumb. 1305 00:55:12,065 --> 00:55:14,365 Now, I, the other thing, I was thinking about this earlier, 1306 00:55:15,465 --> 00:55:16,485 it is very common, 1307 00:55:17,065 --> 00:55:20,285 and I don't think it's inherently wrong for a submissive 1308 00:55:20,285 --> 00:55:21,605 to start out with. 1309 00:55:22,165 --> 00:55:23,205 I want what my dom wants. 1310 00:55:23,285 --> 00:55:24,925 I think I said this a little bit ago, right? Mm-Hmm. 1311 00:55:24,965 --> 00:55:27,285 , my dom's pleasure is my pleasure. 1312 00:55:27,965 --> 00:55:29,525 I think that can be a fun way to play. Mm-Hmm. 1313 00:55:29,565 --> 00:55:30,925 . I think there are plenty of submissives 1314 00:55:30,925 --> 00:55:32,125 who will play with that, right? 1315 00:55:32,155 --> 00:55:35,845 They will have those scenes. We have had those scenes, sure. 1316 00:55:36,185 --> 00:55:38,605 But one, it should not be the standard for the entirety 1317 00:55:38,865 --> 00:55:40,685 of the power exchange relationship. 1318 00:55:41,425 --> 00:55:44,005 I'm given a lot of fucking side eye to a, 1319 00:55:44,205 --> 00:55:45,445 I think it's fun to say this. 1320 00:55:45,605 --> 00:55:48,645 I think it's fine if that's your ethos. Mm-Hmm. 1321 00:55:48,685 --> 00:55:50,365 . Like this is the, the relationship is 1322 00:55:50,625 --> 00:55:52,365 as the dom, I control it. 1323 00:55:52,545 --> 00:55:54,525 My, you know, my pleasure is paramount. 1324 00:55:55,305 --> 00:55:57,365 But then in a, in a subtle 1325 00:55:57,425 --> 00:56:00,765 or not so subtle way that Dom should be then saying, 1326 00:56:00,905 --> 00:56:02,965 my pleasure is my partner's pleasure as well. 1327 00:56:02,965 --> 00:56:05,845 True. True. What will bring me pleasure is making sure 1328 00:56:05,845 --> 00:56:07,645 that they're having a good time at some point. 1329 00:56:07,665 --> 00:56:09,645 Mm-Hmm. . Right. I think you can play 1330 00:56:09,645 --> 00:56:11,725 with the language and the power of 1331 00:56:12,495 --> 00:56:14,405 Dom's pleasure is paramount, but 1332 00:56:14,405 --> 00:56:15,405 - That should not be the reality. 1333 00:56:15,405 --> 00:56:16,485 There are absolutely times when, 1334 00:56:16,715 --> 00:56:20,045 when your pleasure is my pleasure. 1335 00:56:20,255 --> 00:56:24,685 Right. You know, so, yeah. It, it goes both ways. 1336 00:56:24,915 --> 00:56:25,965 It's gotta go both ways 1337 00:56:27,545 --> 00:56:29,525 - And rah points out, you know, 1338 00:56:29,905 --> 00:56:31,885 you can lose yourself in that type of relationship. 1339 00:56:31,885 --> 00:56:34,765 Yeah. And I think that's, that is very, very true. Mm-Hmm. 1340 00:56:34,805 --> 00:56:36,445 , you know, it's, I think a lot 1341 00:56:36,445 --> 00:56:37,605 of newer subs come in 1342 00:56:37,625 --> 00:56:39,005 and they don't know enough yet about 1343 00:56:39,235 --> 00:56:40,885 what they want or submission. 1344 00:56:41,385 --> 00:56:42,885 And I know I've said it Mm-Hmm. . 1345 00:56:42,885 --> 00:56:45,045 Like, I, I said it after the fact 1346 00:56:45,045 --> 00:56:46,725 and I've said it like, we know one another 1347 00:56:46,785 --> 00:56:48,205 and I know what this is gonna mean. 1348 00:56:49,045 --> 00:56:51,725 I want what you want. Your pleasure is my pleasure. Right. 1349 00:56:51,865 --> 00:56:53,925 The only thing I want is whatever my dom wants. 1350 00:56:54,545 --> 00:56:58,565 Um, and I, I, I agree with rah rah, that you, 1351 00:56:58,565 --> 00:57:00,045 you can lose yourself to that. 1352 00:57:00,045 --> 00:57:01,725 Mm-Hmm. . And I think it's important 1353 00:57:01,745 --> 00:57:05,725 for submissives to figure out what they like with their dom 1354 00:57:05,725 --> 00:57:08,005 or independent of their dom, you know, however that works. 1355 00:57:08,865 --> 00:57:11,565 The, the thing I'm gonna give the most side eye to, like, 1356 00:57:11,585 --> 00:57:12,645 I'm gonna be very forgiving 1357 00:57:12,645 --> 00:57:14,085 of a submissive who feels that way. 1358 00:57:14,085 --> 00:57:15,125 Especially early days. 1359 00:57:15,485 --> 00:57:16,845 'cause I'm gonna go, okay, you, you 1360 00:57:17,045 --> 00:57:18,165 hadn't had enough experience yet. 1361 00:57:18,165 --> 00:57:19,885 There's still more to learn. Mm-Hmm. . 1362 00:57:19,885 --> 00:57:20,965 You'll figure out what you like 1363 00:57:20,985 --> 00:57:23,125 and hopefully you'll learn how to communicate that. 1364 00:57:23,425 --> 00:57:25,165 The person I'm given the most fucking side eye 1365 00:57:25,165 --> 00:57:28,405 to is the dominant who genuinely fucking is like out there 1366 00:57:28,405 --> 00:57:31,325 saying and believing that their submissives 1367 00:57:32,085 --> 00:57:34,125 personal pleasure is in no way a priority. 1368 00:57:34,585 --> 00:57:36,085 And what makes this kinky 1369 00:57:36,085 --> 00:57:37,645 and what makes this power exchange is 1370 00:57:37,645 --> 00:57:39,325 that the dom gets what the dom wants. 1371 00:57:40,715 --> 00:57:43,805 Look, in my perfect world, 1372 00:57:44,225 --> 00:57:46,245 JB would have every fucking thing he ever wants, 1373 00:57:47,195 --> 00:57:49,605 ever in and out of kink. 1374 00:57:49,625 --> 00:57:53,165 And I would be the one to provide it. Realistically. 1375 00:57:54,165 --> 00:57:56,525 - . Yeah. - Not a fucking chance. 1376 00:57:56,575 --> 00:57:58,125 Never gonna fucking happen. Right. 1377 00:57:58,275 --> 00:58:00,405 Because some things you want, they're just not practical. 1378 00:58:00,405 --> 00:58:01,725 Some things you want aren't actually 1379 00:58:02,235 --> 00:58:03,445 safe enough to be Mm-Hmm. 1380 00:58:03,485 --> 00:58:04,805 for us to be willing to take the risk, 1381 00:58:05,155 --> 00:58:06,965 he's gonna want some shit that I just can't do. 1382 00:58:07,165 --> 00:58:09,485 'cause it's not, it's not that it's not pleasurable. 1383 00:58:09,485 --> 00:58:10,845 It's that it's so miserable that I, 1384 00:58:11,225 --> 00:58:13,165 my brain shuts down thinking about it. 1385 00:58:13,165 --> 00:58:15,765 Right. Like, I, I reject it. Totally. 1386 00:58:16,385 --> 00:58:18,365 And that gets to be okay. 1387 00:58:19,065 --> 00:58:20,965 The whole thing about finding any 1388 00:58:20,965 --> 00:58:22,405 power exchange that will work for you. 1389 00:58:22,795 --> 00:58:27,045 It's the Venn diagram of the doms desires, needs, wants, 1390 00:58:27,435 --> 00:58:31,245 what brings em pleasure, submissives, desires, wants, needs, 1391 00:58:31,515 --> 00:58:32,645 what brings them pleasure. 1392 00:58:32,645 --> 00:58:33,925 Mm-Hmm. . And where they cross 1393 00:58:34,185 --> 00:58:35,365 and how much they cross over. 1394 00:58:35,645 --> 00:58:39,125 'cause it's in that middle part where you share commonality 1395 00:58:39,125 --> 00:58:40,645 that you go, oh, this is where we can play. 1396 00:58:40,955 --> 00:58:42,285 This is where we can have fun. 1397 00:58:42,625 --> 00:58:46,405 And over time, it's entirely possible for somebody 1398 00:58:46,405 --> 00:58:47,485 who said, that's off limits. 1399 00:58:47,625 --> 00:58:50,005 I'm never doing that to go, actually, 1400 00:58:50,715 --> 00:58:51,805 I've learned more about it. 1401 00:58:52,085 --> 00:58:53,805 I feel safer. I trust this partner. 1402 00:58:54,525 --> 00:58:56,285 I know that there's different ways to explore this. 1403 00:58:56,825 --> 00:58:58,165 I'm just fucking interested in it. 1404 00:58:58,365 --> 00:58:59,485 'cause I've been exposed to it more. 1405 00:58:59,705 --> 00:59:02,085 And you can change your mind. And then the, the middle part 1406 00:59:02,085 --> 00:59:04,125 of your Venn diagram, you'll come a little closer together 1407 00:59:04,185 --> 00:59:05,445 and it'll grow and expand together. 1408 00:59:05,705 --> 00:59:09,725 And sometimes you have a Venn diagram with this partner, 1409 00:59:09,985 --> 00:59:12,605 and then there's a connecting Venn diagram over here. 1410 00:59:12,885 --> 00:59:14,285 'cause you got maybe another partner 1411 00:59:14,905 --> 00:59:16,005 and you can expand out that way. 1412 00:59:16,005 --> 00:59:17,605 Mm-Hmm. . But that's, I think that's the, 1413 00:59:17,705 --> 00:59:21,085 the thing that too many people forget where you're playing 1414 00:59:21,185 --> 00:59:22,725 and finding mutual pleasure 1415 00:59:22,725 --> 00:59:26,365 and power exchange is the crossover of your kinks. 1416 00:59:26,365 --> 00:59:28,445 Mm-Hmm. Your likes, your wants Mm-Hmm. All that 1417 00:59:29,415 --> 00:59:30,415 - There. 1418 00:59:30,415 --> 00:59:33,405 And I, and I think too, there, I'm, 1419 00:59:33,705 --> 00:59:36,245 I'm thinking this is listening to you talk, you know, 1420 00:59:36,245 --> 00:59:40,605 when you, when you get a a, a submissive that comes 1421 00:59:40,665 --> 00:59:42,005 and says, you know, 1422 00:59:42,485 --> 00:59:44,485 I want whatever you want for your pleasure. 1423 00:59:45,635 --> 00:59:48,605 That, that's actually a, to me that would kind 1424 00:59:48,605 --> 00:59:50,045 of be a little bit of a red flag. 1425 00:59:50,385 --> 00:59:52,045 - We have classified as a red flag before. 1426 00:59:52,045 --> 00:59:54,125 - Yeah. Um, you know, because that, that's no different. 1427 00:59:54,125 --> 00:59:56,925 As somebody coming up and saying, I have no boundaries. 1428 00:59:58,025 --> 00:59:59,165 - Yes, you do bubby. - Okay. 1429 00:59:59,205 --> 01:00:01,005 I mean, just know what they're yet , you know, 1430 01:00:01,005 --> 01:00:03,405 because a, a again, somebody coming up 1431 01:00:03,405 --> 01:00:06,405 and saying, all I want is to give you your pleasure. 1432 01:00:06,715 --> 01:00:08,205 Okay, well my pleasure is I want you 1433 01:00:08,205 --> 01:00:10,845 to cut off your left pinky finger. Right, 1434 01:00:10,845 --> 01:00:11,845 - Right, right. 1435 01:00:11,845 --> 01:00:12,445 Okay. And then that's when somebody finds 1436 01:00:12,445 --> 01:00:13,685 immediately that they have a boundary. 1437 01:00:13,755 --> 01:00:15,205 Yeah. . Yeah. 1438 01:00:15,745 --> 01:00:18,005 - So, you know. Mm-Hmm. It, it, it's, it's the same, 1439 01:00:18,115 --> 01:00:21,245 same kind of thing there too that's kind of, you know, 1440 01:00:21,245 --> 01:00:22,725 because it, it, it doesn't work. 1441 01:00:22,745 --> 01:00:24,885 It ha there has to be some kind of balance. 1442 01:00:25,495 --> 01:00:29,645 - Right. And I think that once you know somebody well enough 1443 01:00:29,645 --> 01:00:30,805 to have, have negotiated 1444 01:00:31,495 --> 01:00:33,765 where the boundary is, what the limits are. 1445 01:00:33,765 --> 01:00:37,285 Mm-Hmm. , you know, what you're mutually into 1446 01:00:37,395 --> 01:00:40,045 that you would be willing to experience together. 1447 01:00:40,825 --> 01:00:42,405 And you've developed some level 1448 01:00:42,405 --> 01:00:43,885 of trust to be able to do that. 1449 01:00:44,445 --> 01:00:47,525 I think then you can play in the pond 1450 01:00:47,585 --> 01:00:48,925 of I want what you want. 1451 01:00:48,995 --> 01:00:53,165 Yeah. Right. Because you've, you've set the guidelines so 1452 01:00:53,165 --> 01:00:56,285 that everybody is gonna be as safe 1453 01:00:56,305 --> 01:00:57,685 as it is possible to be safe. 1454 01:00:57,685 --> 01:00:59,005 Mm-Hmm. when you're getting kinky. 1455 01:00:59,425 --> 01:01:01,005 Um, and I think that's what gets missed. 1456 01:01:01,155 --> 01:01:03,645 It's like, that's the fantasy we go back to the thing 1457 01:01:03,645 --> 01:01:05,085 that we're constantly trying to do. 1458 01:01:05,195 --> 01:01:08,085 It's like, yeah, I get the fantasy is fun. Mm-Hmm. 1459 01:01:08,125 --> 01:01:10,805 the fantasy is airbrushed and black and white, 1460 01:01:10,825 --> 01:01:12,285 and everybody has whatever their version 1461 01:01:12,485 --> 01:01:13,525 of a perfect body is. 1462 01:01:13,685 --> 01:01:14,485 . Right? Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 1463 01:01:14,525 --> 01:01:15,845 . However, we actually live 1464 01:01:15,845 --> 01:01:17,005 in reality. . Yeah. 1465 01:01:17,705 --> 01:01:19,965 - Yep. - And so, you know, none 1466 01:01:19,965 --> 01:01:21,765 of us are doing kink wrong just 1467 01:01:21,765 --> 01:01:24,325 because we can't have the fantasy in our head. 1468 01:01:24,775 --> 01:01:25,885 We're just, we're just dealing 1469 01:01:25,885 --> 01:01:27,165 with the reality that we have. 1470 01:01:27,665 --> 01:01:30,845 And the reality is, you can play that way temporarily. 1471 01:01:31,225 --> 01:01:33,485 Mm-Hmm. . But it should not be the first 1472 01:01:33,715 --> 01:01:34,765 ever fucking scene. 1473 01:01:35,305 --> 01:01:38,485 And my personal opinion is 1474 01:01:38,485 --> 01:01:40,645 that should not be the whole basis of the relationship. 1475 01:01:41,245 --> 01:01:43,805 Whatever you want. I want not, not totally. 1476 01:01:44,035 --> 01:01:47,005 Because that, I think you can say 1477 01:01:47,005 --> 01:01:48,205 that if you put the asterisk 1478 01:01:48,585 --> 01:01:50,845 and the asterisk, the note at the bottom is, 1479 01:01:51,265 --> 01:01:54,365 but my partner knows what I want and respects that. 1480 01:01:54,365 --> 01:01:56,725 Like I've, I've communicated my needs. 1481 01:01:56,755 --> 01:01:58,365 I've communicated what brings me pleasure. 1482 01:01:58,405 --> 01:02:01,125 I communicated what does not bring me pleasure 1483 01:02:01,225 --> 01:02:02,765 and I don't want Right. 1484 01:02:02,795 --> 01:02:05,445 Like, that's like the footnote that has 1485 01:02:05,445 --> 01:02:09,525 to be there if you're gonna like, swim in that, that pool 1486 01:02:09,545 --> 01:02:11,765 of, of trying to have that kind of power exchange. 1487 01:02:11,785 --> 01:02:13,445 And I know people who try to have that kind 1488 01:02:13,445 --> 01:02:16,525 of power exchange, but it is the best ones, the ones 1489 01:02:16,525 --> 01:02:20,365 that are the most responsible, heavily negotiated, 1490 01:02:20,715 --> 01:02:23,165 very clear, you know, limits and boundaries. 1491 01:02:23,165 --> 01:02:25,325 Yeah. And, and those are always respected. 1492 01:02:25,385 --> 01:02:27,405 And that's how you can play with that. 1493 01:02:28,105 --> 01:02:29,805 Um, I just think most 1494 01:02:29,825 --> 01:02:32,605 of us have too many different sides to who we are. 1495 01:02:32,985 --> 01:02:35,805 To only play in that. I think that Mm-Hmm. 1496 01:02:35,845 --> 01:02:38,965 , you know, I'm, I'm going to 1497 01:02:40,145 --> 01:02:42,165 be a little nervous for a submissive 1498 01:02:42,465 --> 01:02:46,125 who never in the entirety of a relationship with a dom, 1499 01:02:46,575 --> 01:02:49,445 feels like, figures out what they personally enjoy, 1500 01:02:49,715 --> 01:02:52,605 expresses it and gets to experience it in the way 1501 01:02:52,605 --> 01:02:53,765 that works with their power exchange. 1502 01:02:53,765 --> 01:02:56,685 Like what is happening here? Right. Mm-Hmm. . 1503 01:02:57,885 --> 01:03:00,365 I just don't think that's a, typically, 1504 01:03:00,365 --> 01:03:02,205 that's not a well-rounded, balanced 1505 01:03:02,775 --> 01:03:04,645 power exchange is, you know. 1506 01:03:05,115 --> 01:03:08,405 Yeah. But I also think we need to get clear on 1507 01:03:08,405 --> 01:03:09,685 what the fuck we mean by pleasure 1508 01:03:09,705 --> 01:03:13,045 and to realize it's not just a specific sensation 1509 01:03:13,425 --> 01:03:17,885 or an orgasm pleasure is so much fucking more Oh yeah. 1510 01:03:17,955 --> 01:03:19,405 Than that. Yep. Right. 1511 01:03:19,665 --> 01:03:23,205 And the things that I get from my submission, my service, 1512 01:03:24,085 --> 01:03:27,925 kinky sex pain, the sensations I just like outside of pain 1513 01:03:28,735 --> 01:03:30,645 isn't just, oh, I'm super happy now. 1514 01:03:30,985 --> 01:03:34,645 Or Oh, I, you know, I got off like sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. 1515 01:03:34,905 --> 01:03:38,565 But I feel so much more that I classify as pleasure 1516 01:03:38,705 --> 01:03:40,125 and it's what keeps me fucking going. 1517 01:03:40,355 --> 01:03:41,845 It's not just that I have a great partner 1518 01:03:41,905 --> 01:03:43,605 who also communicates their needs with me 1519 01:03:43,785 --> 01:03:45,925 and listens to me and respects me. 1520 01:03:46,345 --> 01:03:48,645 One that brings me a great deal of pleasure. Wow. 1521 01:03:48,665 --> 01:03:51,765 Who are they? I'd like to meet them. You stop that 1522 01:03:53,185 --> 01:03:55,445 and a how partner who within the bounds 1523 01:03:55,445 --> 01:03:57,805 of our power exchange lets me be who the fuck I am. 1524 01:03:57,955 --> 01:04:00,525 Like that brings me pleasure all by itself. 1525 01:04:00,965 --> 01:04:05,685 again, that goes back to, I know there can be, 1526 01:04:05,745 --> 01:04:07,005 it can be like a fun little game. 1527 01:04:07,065 --> 01:04:10,525 It can be a fantasy, it can be a scene to Mm-Hmm. 1528 01:04:10,565 --> 01:04:12,485 fundamentally be different than 1529 01:04:12,585 --> 01:04:14,485 who you are for the scene. 1530 01:04:14,535 --> 01:04:18,605 Right. Or to talk about the, I will, you know, unmake you 1531 01:04:18,605 --> 01:04:21,045 and remake you and not like, I'm not gonna say break you. 1532 01:04:21,165 --> 01:04:22,845 'cause that makes me very nervous. 'cause most people 1533 01:04:22,845 --> 01:04:24,725 who are offering to break you are actually 1534 01:04:24,725 --> 01:04:25,885 just being abusive assholes. 1535 01:04:26,185 --> 01:04:29,045 Um, but, you know, 1536 01:04:31,125 --> 01:04:33,525 a submissive should, they might modify their behavior. 1537 01:04:33,585 --> 01:04:35,005 Mm-Hmm. they might be trained 1538 01:04:35,145 --> 01:04:36,285 to behave a certain way. 1539 01:04:36,335 --> 01:04:38,565 There can be some, some fun times with that. 1540 01:04:39,105 --> 01:04:41,885 But a submissive should be allowed to be basically 1541 01:04:41,885 --> 01:04:43,045 who the fuck they are too. 1542 01:04:43,095 --> 01:04:44,685 Right? Right. Like, you should not have to 1543 01:04:45,405 --> 01:04:49,885 minimize your self, your entire personality, your thoughts, 1544 01:04:49,995 --> 01:04:52,865 your opinions to be 1545 01:04:53,445 --> 01:04:55,425 in a healthy power exchange, 1546 01:04:56,865 --> 01:04:58,325 and then not be allowed to admit 1547 01:04:58,325 --> 01:04:59,565 that you're, you're unhappy with that. 1548 01:04:59,565 --> 01:05:01,885 Because I think that, I think that while it, 1549 01:05:01,905 --> 01:05:03,005 it fits a fantasy 1550 01:05:03,225 --> 01:05:07,325 or it fits in the moment, the type of power exchange 1551 01:05:07,325 --> 01:05:08,845 that maybe you're like, this is what I crave, 1552 01:05:08,845 --> 01:05:09,965 or this is what I think I want. 1553 01:05:10,645 --> 01:05:12,165 I think it might work temporarily 1554 01:05:12,345 --> 01:05:14,205 for some people, but not a lot. 1555 01:05:14,785 --> 01:05:18,365 But I think eventually you're gonna grow as a person 1556 01:05:18,385 --> 01:05:20,125 or you're just gonna shift and change as a person. 1557 01:05:20,325 --> 01:05:22,005 'cause life shifts and changes. Right? Mm-Hmm. 1558 01:05:22,045 --> 01:05:23,645 , I, we've met too many people that 1559 01:05:23,645 --> 01:05:25,245 what they've gone through, we would not call growth 1560 01:05:25,525 --> 01:05:27,325 'cause they were just not that self-aware . 1561 01:05:27,625 --> 01:05:30,605 But the things that satisfy you, bring you pleasure, 1562 01:05:30,605 --> 01:05:32,285 you're willing to do for a partner 1563 01:05:33,315 --> 01:05:35,725 will over time shift and change. 1564 01:05:36,425 --> 01:05:39,045 And if you've had to minimize who you are 1565 01:05:39,945 --> 01:05:42,885 and convince yourself that not getting to be 1566 01:05:43,105 --> 01:05:46,405 who you are in this relationship is making you happy, 1567 01:05:48,055 --> 01:05:49,805 we're either gonna be staying in denial even longer 1568 01:05:49,805 --> 01:05:51,765 or there's just gonna be misery at the other end there. 1569 01:05:51,775 --> 01:05:56,325 Right? Mm-Hmm. like a compatible partner sees 1570 01:05:56,385 --> 01:05:59,645 who you are and goes, yeah, I like that, that that appeal. 1571 01:05:59,645 --> 01:06:02,365 That person appeals to me that I wanna be with 1572 01:06:02,395 --> 01:06:04,005 that person right there. 1573 01:06:04,065 --> 01:06:05,725 Mm-Hmm. now power exchange, 1574 01:06:05,905 --> 01:06:07,605 the subtlety and the nuances. 1575 01:06:08,025 --> 01:06:10,125 But I might want them to behave in specific ways 1576 01:06:10,145 --> 01:06:12,725 as my submissive under these circumstances. 1577 01:06:12,815 --> 01:06:16,645 Right. Like, it actually is not in my nature 1578 01:06:16,785 --> 01:06:18,925 to be disrespectful to anybody. 1579 01:06:19,065 --> 01:06:20,485 Too much of a fucking people pleaser. 1580 01:06:21,185 --> 01:06:23,725 But the rule being, I can say anything I wanna say as long 1581 01:06:23,725 --> 01:06:26,445 as I'm respectful, touches two things. 1582 01:06:26,445 --> 01:06:29,965 Right. One, it reminds me, I can say whatever I need to say, 1583 01:06:30,225 --> 01:06:31,245 I'm safe to do that. 1584 01:06:31,665 --> 01:06:34,805 But two, it reminds me that, uh, look, actually Kayla, 1585 01:06:34,875 --> 01:06:37,605 when you get angry, you're a bitch from fucking hell. 1586 01:06:37,945 --> 01:06:40,645 If you feel safe, I'm gonna need you to, to, 1587 01:06:40,785 --> 01:06:42,125 to pull back on that a little bit. 1588 01:06:42,125 --> 01:06:45,645 Right. . And that was not me fundamentally changing 1589 01:06:45,785 --> 01:06:47,405 who I was to be his submissive. 1590 01:06:47,505 --> 01:06:50,605 It was me choosing, I think, rightly so, 1591 01:06:50,745 --> 01:06:53,285 to modify my behavior while still being able 1592 01:06:53,285 --> 01:06:54,845 to express myself freely. 1593 01:06:55,065 --> 01:06:57,965 So he air quote this, 'cause it gets used a lot 1594 01:06:57,965 --> 01:06:59,045 and I don't think people understand it. 1595 01:06:59,265 --> 01:07:03,005 Air quote trained me to behave a certain way. Right. 1596 01:07:03,015 --> 01:07:05,925 There were consequences when I was too, couldn't call 1597 01:07:05,925 --> 01:07:07,885 that shit sassy . 1598 01:07:07,885 --> 01:07:09,845 But I didn't have to be somebody other than 1599 01:07:09,865 --> 01:07:11,245 who I am to do that. 1600 01:07:11,335 --> 01:07:14,565 Right. To then say I have found pleasure as a submissive 1601 01:07:15,065 --> 01:07:17,685 to have a dom who wanted to give me pleasure. 1602 01:07:17,805 --> 01:07:19,405 'cause the person who wants you to fundamentally change 1603 01:07:19,405 --> 01:07:20,565 who you are, they're, they're 1604 01:07:20,565 --> 01:07:21,605 not interested in your pleasure. 1605 01:07:21,845 --> 01:07:23,125 'cause they're not interested in who you 1606 01:07:23,185 --> 01:07:24,205 are as an individual. 1607 01:07:24,785 --> 01:07:27,005 Mm-Hmm. , they see, oh, you're a submissive. 1608 01:07:27,165 --> 01:07:28,405 I'll make you into the submissive. 1609 01:07:28,405 --> 01:07:31,445 I want you to be regardless of who you actually are. 1610 01:07:31,835 --> 01:07:35,605 Correct. The pleasure you feel is usually is gonna be 1611 01:07:35,805 --> 01:07:37,005 temporary if you feel pleasure at all. 1612 01:07:37,005 --> 01:07:38,885 Mm-Hmm. typically when people go 1613 01:07:38,885 --> 01:07:40,845 through some version of that, they, 1614 01:07:40,905 --> 01:07:43,925 that's when I get the email that's like, is this normal 1615 01:07:44,745 --> 01:07:46,805 to be this miserable ? 1616 01:07:47,235 --> 01:07:51,165 It's not. It might be typical. It's, it's not normal now. 1617 01:07:51,505 --> 01:07:55,605 It is not normal. So that is my lecture for the day. 1618 01:07:56,045 --> 01:07:56,085 - . 1619 01:08:00,985 --> 01:08:04,965 And what a fine lecture it was. Professor sir . 1620 01:08:09,025 --> 01:08:11,565 - Anyway. - Okay. . 1621 01:08:12,965 --> 01:08:14,085 - I could keep going, 1622 01:08:14,745 --> 01:08:18,085 but I think I'd just be talking in circles as I often do. 1623 01:08:18,355 --> 01:08:19,925 Okay. So I'm gonna say, 1624 01:08:21,075 --> 01:08:23,925 - Alright, so we're ready to move on to a bonus section. 1625 01:08:24,475 --> 01:08:26,925 - Sure. - Okay. So are we good ? 1626 01:08:27,105 --> 01:08:31,885 - That's not for me to say. - Keep, keep it kinky all I'll 1627 01:08:31,885 --> 01:08:32,885 - See you next week. 1628 01:08:42,415 --> 01:08:43,415 Daddy. 1629 01:08:44,545 --> 01:08:47,685 - Yes girl. - Can we talk to the crickets, please? 1630 01:08:48,065 --> 01:08:49,925 - Oh, now it's, we sure 1631 01:08:50,645 --> 01:08:51,645 - I did. 1632 01:08:51,645 --> 01:08:53,845 I mean, I always do a lot of talking in these episodes. 1633 01:08:54,545 --> 01:08:57,925 We know who I am, but I did I think more than usual . 1634 01:08:59,435 --> 01:09:01,605 - Well, you yeah. - I kind of get to when it's a, 1635 01:09:01,805 --> 01:09:03,325 a submissive focused topic. 1636 01:09:03,605 --> 01:09:06,085 - , it's a little hard for me to speak from that. 1637 01:09:06,115 --> 01:09:07,485 That Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 1638 01:09:08,265 --> 01:09:13,205 - But - True. So, okay. So, uh, yeah, go ahead. 1639 01:09:13,355 --> 01:09:15,165 Okay. We, we can speak to the crickets. 1640 01:09:15,235 --> 01:09:19,405 - Okay. Uh, folks who have watched the YouTube stream slash 1641 01:09:19,405 --> 01:09:21,645 video, we're time traveling here from the beginning. 1642 01:09:21,885 --> 01:09:23,285 I probably already heard this, but Yeah. 1643 01:09:23,425 --> 01:09:25,005 Um, Lola is, 1644 01:09:25,005 --> 01:09:27,045 cannot currently be in the office with us. 1645 01:09:27,325 --> 01:09:29,445 and ha had to go sit in her crate 1646 01:09:29,955 --> 01:09:31,645 because she can't go 1647 01:09:31,645 --> 01:09:33,845 outside in the backyard like she wants to. 1648 01:09:34,185 --> 01:09:36,205 Mm-Hmm. because we currently are 1649 01:09:36,205 --> 01:09:37,485 missing, uh, a 1650 01:09:37,485 --> 01:09:39,205 - Fence, fence along one side on long 1651 01:09:39,445 --> 01:09:40,605 - 'cause our neighbor is getting a new fence. 1652 01:09:40,655 --> 01:09:42,365 - Right. The, the fence on the one side 1653 01:09:42,385 --> 01:09:43,605 is, is actually our neighbors. 1654 01:09:43,605 --> 01:09:48,325 Mm-Hmm. . Um, and she is putting a 1655 01:09:49,065 --> 01:09:51,525 new fence around her entire yard. Mm-Hmm. 1656 01:09:51,565 --> 01:09:53,045 - Beautiful. It's vinyl 1657 01:09:53,045 --> 01:09:54,045 - Fence. 1658 01:09:54,045 --> 01:09:55,365 Yeah. It's, it's, it's a beautiful fence. Mm-Hmm. 1659 01:09:55,405 --> 01:09:59,805 . And, um, yesterday they came in and, 1660 01:09:59,945 --> 01:10:03,685 and ripped all the old fence out. 1661 01:10:03,745 --> 01:10:05,365 Mm-Hmm. . So yeah. 1662 01:10:05,715 --> 01:10:09,725 Lola cannot, uh, go out in the backyard unsupervised, 1663 01:10:09,725 --> 01:10:12,165 which means we put her in her harness yesterday 1664 01:10:12,905 --> 01:10:16,045 and, um, she has to stay in the harness until 1665 01:10:16,745 --> 01:10:19,245 all the kerfuffle is Yeah. Over. 1666 01:10:19,755 --> 01:10:21,805 - Yeah. Once they get, and I think they're actually 1667 01:10:21,805 --> 01:10:22,925 there's start on the other side. 1668 01:10:22,925 --> 01:10:25,685 Yeah. So we'll be the last bit of the fencing. Mm-Hmm. 1669 01:10:25,725 --> 01:10:26,965 . But once they get our side 1670 01:10:27,135 --> 01:10:28,485 fully finished Yeah. 1671 01:10:28,495 --> 01:10:31,125 Which almost wasn't gonna happen until Mm-Hmm. 1672 01:10:31,165 --> 01:10:33,005 you started making phone calls. Yeah. 1673 01:10:33,005 --> 01:10:34,845 And our neighbor sent apparently a strongly 1674 01:10:34,845 --> 01:10:36,125 worded email, uh, 1675 01:10:36,405 --> 01:10:37,405 - . 1676 01:10:37,405 --> 01:10:39,365 - Yeah. Um, we were gonna be left with a gap. Mm-Hmm. 1677 01:10:39,405 --> 01:10:42,245 that no, the the fence company people had come 1678 01:10:42,245 --> 01:10:44,045 out, given her a full estimate, talked about 1679 01:10:44,045 --> 01:10:45,525 where she wanted to move her fence to 1680 01:10:45,915 --> 01:10:47,325 that would've caused our gap 1681 01:10:47,625 --> 01:10:49,765 and then left it to her to explain to us, 1682 01:10:50,305 --> 01:10:51,525 Hey, this is what I'm doing my fence. 1683 01:10:51,525 --> 01:10:53,085 Yeah. And she's not a fence expert. 1684 01:10:53,325 --> 01:10:54,565 I would not expect her to go, oh, 1685 01:10:54,565 --> 01:10:55,645 that's gonna leave you with a gap. 1686 01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:57,925 I wonder how that's gonna be since we finally 1687 01:10:57,955 --> 01:10:59,485 like realized like, wait. 1688 01:10:59,705 --> 01:11:02,965 Mm-Hmm. . And then like, almost had to like, 1689 01:11:03,965 --> 01:11:06,485 I don't wanna be like too hyperbolic here. 1690 01:11:06,545 --> 01:11:07,885 It wasn't like the worst thing, 1691 01:11:07,885 --> 01:11:10,445 but it was like the fencing company. 1692 01:11:10,445 --> 01:11:13,250 People were not bending over backwards to go, oh yeah, yeah. 1693 01:11:13,250 --> 01:11:15,645 You are gonna have a gap. Uh, here are your options. Right. 1694 01:11:15,645 --> 01:11:16,765 Like we, between us 1695 01:11:16,785 --> 01:11:19,285 and our neighbor kind of had to chase them down. 1696 01:11:19,385 --> 01:11:20,925 Mm-Hmm. to be like, hi, how can, 1697 01:11:20,925 --> 01:11:22,045 how can you help us with the big 1698 01:11:22,235 --> 01:11:23,365 hole we're gonna be left with? 1699 01:11:24,425 --> 01:11:25,645 So the hole is gonna be fixed. 1700 01:11:26,085 --> 01:11:27,925 , we're gonna have a full fence. Mm-Hmm. 1701 01:11:27,965 --> 01:11:29,725 . Um, it's, 1702 01:11:29,745 --> 01:11:31,965 and it's gonna, it they're gonna finish 1703 01:11:32,065 --> 01:11:33,165 the vinyl all the way down. 1704 01:11:33,235 --> 01:11:37,685 Yeah. Uh, is it an expense we did not expect? Yes. Yes. Yes. 1705 01:11:37,755 --> 01:11:40,845 It's, um, is it better than having a hole for 1706 01:11:40,845 --> 01:11:43,565 however long it takes for us to purchase the materials? 1707 01:11:43,565 --> 01:11:45,125 Mm-Hmm. watch the YouTube videos, 1708 01:11:45,665 --> 01:11:48,165 put up a slightly wonky Yeah. 1709 01:11:48,235 --> 01:11:51,365 Session and then let our dog out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 1710 01:11:52,305 --> 01:11:53,725 So, Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. 1711 01:11:54,225 --> 01:11:58,925 But Lola has this howl that, so she'll do like the, 1712 01:11:59,025 --> 01:12:01,045 the, the tester howl, like, oh, woo. 1713 01:12:01,045 --> 01:12:02,965 Right. Like, are you listening? Are you paying attention me? 1714 01:12:03,065 --> 01:12:04,445 And most of the time when she can come 1715 01:12:04,445 --> 01:12:06,125 and go as she pleases at that first 1716 01:12:06,225 --> 01:12:07,365 how you're opening the door 1717 01:12:07,365 --> 01:12:08,565 to let her reiterate, let her out. 1718 01:12:09,065 --> 01:12:12,845 If you don't immediately respond to the tester howl, 1719 01:12:13,265 --> 01:12:14,565 we get into the howls 1720 01:12:14,565 --> 01:12:16,925 that literally sound like you have broken her heart. 1721 01:12:17,275 --> 01:12:20,965 Yeah. And she is sobbing. Oh my gosh. Sobbing. 1722 01:12:20,975 --> 01:12:22,885 Every submissive who's ever been broken up 1723 01:12:22,885 --> 01:12:24,045 with that sobbing. 1724 01:12:24,095 --> 01:12:27,085 Right. That's what it's like. Okay. 1725 01:12:27,225 --> 01:12:29,285 And I can say that 'cause I've been there. It's pitiful. 1726 01:12:29,625 --> 01:12:31,165 Oh my God. To the point. 1727 01:12:31,765 --> 01:12:35,605 I mean, our neighbor Wendy, 'cause that's our neighbor here. 1728 01:12:35,635 --> 01:12:36,525 This is the one we talked to. 1729 01:12:36,645 --> 01:12:37,645 'cause we don't really talk to these neighbors. 1730 01:12:38,245 --> 01:12:40,365 Neighbor on, on the one side who's getting a new fence 1731 01:12:41,145 --> 01:12:44,605 has said she sounds like she's just pitiful. 1732 01:12:44,865 --> 01:12:46,725 And I'm like, you can hear her. 1733 01:12:47,345 --> 01:12:49,645 But it's 'cause when she's out, when Lola's outside 1734 01:12:49,665 --> 01:12:53,485 and wants to come in, that if you don't immediately go 1735 01:12:53,485 --> 01:12:55,965 to the door to let her in, she'll she'll do that 1736 01:12:56,065 --> 01:12:57,205 to come in as well. 1737 01:12:57,315 --> 01:12:59,525 Yeah. Which, mm-Hmm. 1738 01:12:59,565 --> 01:13:04,005 means that if JB leaves to go somewhere I am. 1739 01:13:04,305 --> 01:13:05,645 And I still do. I'm not, 1740 01:13:05,685 --> 01:13:07,645 I don't stop my life 'cause the damn dog. 1741 01:13:08,025 --> 01:13:11,685 But if you, if I let Lola out, I am terrified to go pee 1742 01:13:11,865 --> 01:13:15,125 to go take a shower, to go answer the front door 1743 01:13:15,385 --> 01:13:16,645 to get on a phone call. 1744 01:13:16,665 --> 01:13:20,965 And he pro like I was, I spent a couple days Mm-Hmm. 1745 01:13:21,005 --> 01:13:22,765 . But you were, I think you were actually 1746 01:13:22,845 --> 01:13:26,485 working in the shop and you were noise canceling earbuds. 1747 01:13:26,485 --> 01:13:27,765 So he can't hear shit other 1748 01:13:27,765 --> 01:13:28,885 than his music while he is working. 1749 01:13:29,665 --> 01:13:31,005 And I was like, I'll go take a shower. 1750 01:13:31,625 --> 01:13:36,565 And I am, I could hear her in the shower. Shower Yeah. 1751 01:13:36,575 --> 01:13:40,485 Water going and everything. Yeah. And she just kept it up. 1752 01:13:40,485 --> 01:13:43,005 And then she'll die down and get kind of quiet. Mm-Hmm. 1753 01:13:43,045 --> 01:13:43,965 . And about 30 seconds 1754 01:13:43,965 --> 01:13:45,125 later she starts back up. 1755 01:13:45,125 --> 01:13:47,205 Starts back up. It's like, oh, in case you didn't hear 1756 01:13:47,205 --> 01:13:48,285 me hear it the first time. 1757 01:13:48,945 --> 01:13:52,125 And so I'm trying to finish my shower as quickly as I can 1758 01:13:53,265 --> 01:13:54,445 and she's just steady going. 1759 01:13:54,995 --> 01:13:57,245 Yeah. Even our across the street neighbor. Got to see her. 1760 01:13:57,365 --> 01:13:58,805 'cause since she can't go in 1761 01:13:58,805 --> 01:14:00,405 and outta the backyard, we gotta take her on walks. 1762 01:14:00,405 --> 01:14:02,325 Right. You know, we gotta do that. And you were taking 1763 01:14:02,325 --> 01:14:03,405 her on a walk yesterday. 1764 01:14:03,405 --> 01:14:06,045 Mm-Hmm. . And came across the ne the across the 1765 01:14:06,045 --> 01:14:09,085 street neighbor who he, they're nice enough. 1766 01:14:09,225 --> 01:14:10,405 We don't like, they, 1767 01:14:10,405 --> 01:14:12,525 they're not people we would have, we would be friends with. 1768 01:14:12,555 --> 01:14:14,845 Like, it's Mm-Hmm. , you know, but he 1769 01:14:15,935 --> 01:14:17,125 - Loves Oh yeah. 1770 01:14:17,265 --> 01:14:18,685 He adores her for Oh 1771 01:14:18,705 --> 01:14:19,705 - My God. 1772 01:14:19,705 --> 01:14:21,085 And so, and she adores him 1773 01:14:21,325 --> 01:14:23,325 'cause she adores anybody who adores her . 1774 01:14:23,545 --> 01:14:24,725 - Um - Right. 1775 01:14:24,825 --> 01:14:27,365 And he even commented, he's like, oh yeah, 1776 01:14:27,645 --> 01:14:30,605 I hear you sometimes. I'm like, oh my god. 1777 01:14:30,695 --> 01:14:31,885 - Right. - They're gonna think we are 1778 01:14:31,885 --> 01:14:33,045 abusing this poor baby. 1779 01:14:33,355 --> 01:14:36,205 - Yeah. - So, yeah. 1780 01:14:36,465 --> 01:14:37,725 So that's, uh, 1781 01:14:37,745 --> 01:14:41,645 and we were recording podcast slash video for Monday 1782 01:14:42,505 --> 01:14:44,605 and she started up, oh God. 1783 01:14:44,745 --> 01:14:47,325 And we eventually, I don't know how the cut's gonna go. 1784 01:14:48,085 --> 01:14:50,325 'cause it was one of those things where we had to stop, 1785 01:14:51,055 --> 01:14:52,685 pause, get her out of the room. 1786 01:14:52,885 --> 01:14:54,925 'cause she was howling so bad that then 1787 01:14:54,925 --> 01:14:56,525 by the time we got her settled, I was like, 1788 01:14:56,525 --> 01:14:57,965 what the fuck was I actually saying? 1789 01:14:58,245 --> 01:15:00,365 ? And so that ought to be interesting. 1790 01:15:00,385 --> 01:15:01,805 But there are times where we thought, oh, 1791 01:15:01,805 --> 01:15:02,885 she'll, she'll stay calm. 1792 01:15:03,025 --> 01:15:04,685 And it was just one or two little howls. 1793 01:15:05,345 --> 01:15:07,325 - No, it was just to build up to the, uh, 1794 01:15:07,325 --> 01:15:08,925 open build howl. Just build up. Yeah. 1795 01:15:09,725 --> 01:15:11,725 - Absolute build up. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. 1796 01:15:11,805 --> 01:15:14,325 I mean, one side, it's one side 1797 01:15:14,325 --> 01:15:16,045 of our fence line is gonna look beautiful. 1798 01:15:16,065 --> 01:15:18,045 Mm-Hmm. the other side. 1799 01:15:18,115 --> 01:15:19,205 This is what's so funny. 1800 01:15:19,345 --> 01:15:21,885 The side that desperately needs to be replaced. 1801 01:15:22,025 --> 01:15:24,085 We don't own the, the fence on either side. 1802 01:15:24,135 --> 01:15:25,525 Those are our neighbor's fences. 1803 01:15:25,585 --> 01:15:27,405 So we are beholden to them Yeah. 1804 01:15:27,785 --> 01:15:29,005 For whatever they're gonna do with their fence. 1805 01:15:29,425 --> 01:15:31,885 And our, the neighbor on the other side, that's the fence 1806 01:15:31,885 --> 01:15:33,765 that desperately needs to be replaced. 1807 01:15:34,185 --> 01:15:37,285 And they're clearly the way they patch it up, it's like, 1808 01:15:37,285 --> 01:15:39,165 okay, they're not in a position to replace the damn thing. 1809 01:15:40,405 --> 01:15:42,325 I mean, it is at least standing at this point. 1810 01:15:42,625 --> 01:15:45,725 And for a while it wasn't quite vertical 1811 01:15:46,125 --> 01:15:47,125 - . 1812 01:15:47,125 --> 01:15:47,435 Yeah. 1813 01:15:48,185 --> 01:15:51,125 - So, - And uh, I've done some patching to it myself. Yep. 1814 01:15:51,425 --> 01:15:54,045 - And yeah, we've gone out there, we were still in PJ's 1815 01:15:54,155 --> 01:15:55,925 because it was falling down so bad 1816 01:15:55,925 --> 01:15:57,285 and he's like, got his drill thing. 1817 01:15:57,285 --> 01:15:58,685 He's like, hold it up. I'm like, okay. 1818 01:15:58,755 --> 01:16:01,525 When we're depending on me to hold something up. Yeah. 1819 01:16:01,625 --> 01:16:04,725 We are fucked. So, yeah. 1820 01:16:06,185 --> 01:16:08,165 Uh, there was something else 1821 01:16:10,555 --> 01:16:13,125 that I was gonna, I was gonna leave for the bonus section 1822 01:16:13,185 --> 01:16:14,565 and I can't think of what it was. 1823 01:16:15,305 --> 01:16:17,605 - Um, it was in, in our trip to 1824 01:16:19,595 --> 01:16:21,445 Gainesville for the concert. 1825 01:16:21,705 --> 01:16:23,885 Oh, we talk about that? Yeah. Oh yeah. 1826 01:16:24,065 --> 01:16:28,445 - Oh yeah. Okay. . Sorry. Mom Pride. 1827 01:16:28,675 --> 01:16:31,765 Just blast outta my face. . Okay. 1828 01:16:32,745 --> 01:16:36,005 So this past Sunday, um, the oldest 1829 01:16:36,225 --> 01:16:38,285 and he had told us, like for once, 1830 01:16:38,345 --> 01:16:39,925 he told us like a month in advance. 1831 01:16:39,925 --> 01:16:42,845 Yeah. He's like, I have a performance Sunday, February 25th. 1832 01:16:42,845 --> 01:16:44,565 - He, he had a very special reason to tell this, this in 1833 01:16:44,565 --> 01:16:45,565 - Advance. 1834 01:16:45,565 --> 01:16:46,405 Right. And he was like, and you have to be there. 1835 01:16:46,505 --> 01:16:49,205 And I was like, well, I would be there regardless, but okay. 1836 01:16:49,335 --> 01:16:51,125 Thank you for actually telling me 1837 01:16:51,635 --> 01:16:53,125 more than two hours before it starts. 1838 01:16:53,785 --> 01:16:55,085 Uh, which is how he did the last 1839 01:16:55,235 --> 01:16:56,405 type of performance like this. 1840 01:16:56,465 --> 01:16:58,645 And it's not a full concert performance. 1841 01:16:58,755 --> 01:17:01,525 It's his studio where he plays euphonium 1842 01:17:01,545 --> 01:17:03,605 and it's euphonium players and tuba players. 1843 01:17:03,675 --> 01:17:06,205 It's little brass kind of thing for any band geeks. 1844 01:17:06,205 --> 01:17:07,365 You know what that means? Mm-Hmm. . 1845 01:17:08,225 --> 01:17:09,645 And so he's like, no, you, you have to be there. 1846 01:17:09,645 --> 01:17:13,125 And he finally did like, like tell us before the concert, 1847 01:17:13,305 --> 01:17:15,285 but getting to see it was a whole different experience. 1848 01:17:15,765 --> 01:17:19,245 . So this performance, um, they had, 1849 01:17:19,345 --> 01:17:21,645 it was the professor explained was student led. 1850 01:17:21,705 --> 01:17:22,845 So she put them into groups, 1851 01:17:22,845 --> 01:17:24,485 like quartets or whatever, gave them music. 1852 01:17:24,485 --> 01:17:28,005 And then they had to get their shit together as a group 1853 01:17:28,025 --> 01:17:29,965 to be able to perform it for this performance. 1854 01:17:30,505 --> 01:17:32,765 But the group decided they also wanted to do it 1855 01:17:32,765 --> 01:17:33,765 as a whole ensemble. 1856 01:17:33,765 --> 01:17:35,885 They didn't wanna just be in little quartets or whatever. 1857 01:17:36,865 --> 01:17:39,965 And so, um, that was student conducted. 1858 01:17:40,165 --> 01:17:43,005 'cause the thing is student led, one of the pieces 1859 01:17:43,395 --> 01:17:44,525 that was played 1860 01:17:44,785 --> 01:17:48,085 and conducted was all done by the 18-year-old 1861 01:17:48,385 --> 01:17:50,205 who had never conducted before in his life. 1862 01:17:50,485 --> 01:17:53,045 Mm. And has been practicing it, writing 1863 01:17:53,145 --> 01:17:54,965 and composing music for a couple years, 1864 01:17:55,065 --> 01:17:56,845 but had never like, fully finished one 1865 01:17:56,845 --> 01:17:59,565 and had it approved by, you know, fucking professionals. 1866 01:17:59,675 --> 01:18:01,245 Yeah. Professionals. You know what they're talking about. 1867 01:18:02,465 --> 01:18:06,085 And so I knew we were gonna record it, like of course. 1868 01:18:06,105 --> 01:18:09,245 Mm-Hmm. . Um, thankfully JB 1869 01:18:10,175 --> 01:18:11,685 knows me better than I know myself. 1870 01:18:12,085 --> 01:18:13,685 . I'm sitting there. I enjoyed 1871 01:18:13,685 --> 01:18:16,005 where he did his little quartet with his little group. 1872 01:18:16,035 --> 01:18:18,765 That was fine. And then it was time for him to come out 1873 01:18:18,765 --> 01:18:22,085 and to conduct this piece of, it's, this group is 1874 01:18:22,805 --> 01:18:25,525 freshman up to like doctoral level students. 1875 01:18:25,805 --> 01:18:27,405 . Like it's an age range. 1876 01:18:28,425 --> 01:18:31,325 And, um, I pull my phone up, I'm gonna start recording it, 1877 01:18:31,325 --> 01:18:33,165 and I look over and J B's got his phone up. 1878 01:18:33,185 --> 01:18:35,365 And for years in high school, I recorded everything. 1879 01:18:35,365 --> 01:18:37,205 But it meant that I could only watch concerts like 1880 01:18:37,205 --> 01:18:39,005 through my phone camera. 1881 01:18:39,145 --> 01:18:40,885 Mm-Hmm. . And it's, it's, 1882 01:18:40,955 --> 01:18:43,245 it's a different vibe when you watch that way. 1883 01:18:43,465 --> 01:18:45,685 And so I look at JB and he's got his phone. 1884 01:18:45,745 --> 01:18:47,005 I'm like, are you gonna record this? 1885 01:18:47,005 --> 01:18:48,205 And he goes, yeah, you don't have to. 1886 01:18:48,265 --> 01:18:50,325 I'm like, oh, thank God. And thank God he did. 1887 01:18:50,325 --> 01:18:52,205 Because the moment that child came out 1888 01:18:52,745 --> 01:18:54,445 and put holding the conductor one 1889 01:18:54,445 --> 01:18:58,085 and put his arm up, the tears just, I've like, 1890 01:18:58,235 --> 01:19:01,045 I've done proud mom things with this child 1891 01:19:01,225 --> 01:19:02,405 and I have cried every time. 1892 01:19:03,105 --> 01:19:06,245 But I was holding myself back from 1893 01:19:06,795 --> 01:19:08,205 weeping audibly. 1894 01:19:08,225 --> 01:19:12,765 Mm-Hmm. Weeping . Yep. Oh my God. 1895 01:19:13,445 --> 01:19:16,165 I was like, and then I was watching him like a hawk. 1896 01:19:16,205 --> 01:19:18,965 'cause I am enough of a former band geek 1897 01:19:18,985 --> 01:19:20,885 to understand conducting a little 1898 01:19:20,885 --> 01:19:21,965 bit, but I've never done it. 1899 01:19:22,085 --> 01:19:23,725 I you, it's one of those things, you know, 1900 01:19:23,725 --> 01:19:25,645 what it looks like when it's done really well 1901 01:19:26,145 --> 01:19:27,565 and you kind of know when it's not. 1902 01:19:27,585 --> 01:19:28,965 And you could tell he was a beginner. 1903 01:19:29,025 --> 01:19:30,925 He was so nervous and he did fine. 1904 01:19:30,925 --> 01:19:34,925 Like he had been, um, the students in his studio, 1905 01:19:35,705 --> 01:19:38,645 uh, a senior had given him lessons on conducting 1906 01:19:38,645 --> 01:19:39,805 so he could do this. 1907 01:19:39,875 --> 01:19:41,845 Like this was so much support. 1908 01:19:42,345 --> 01:19:45,045 And so, but what I could tell is his mom is 1909 01:19:45,185 --> 01:19:46,325 how nervous he was. 1910 01:19:46,325 --> 01:19:48,085 So of course I was nervous for him. 1911 01:19:48,595 --> 01:19:53,365 Much like the very first trombone solo he ever played. Yeah. 1912 01:19:53,395 --> 01:19:56,805 When he had never in band played trombone. 1913 01:19:56,825 --> 01:19:58,165 He was totally self-taught. 1914 01:19:58,165 --> 01:20:00,085 And then he had this like, crazy ass solo 1915 01:20:00,145 --> 01:20:01,485 and I'm sitting there holding my breath 1916 01:20:01,505 --> 01:20:03,605 and crying at the same time somehow. And he 1917 01:20:03,605 --> 01:20:05,245 - Had this beat and battered 1918 01:20:05,805 --> 01:20:06,885 - Tro trombone trombone that oh 1919 01:20:06,885 --> 01:20:07,885 - My God. 1920 01:20:07,885 --> 01:20:09,685 He bought a garage sale. So like for five bucks 1921 01:20:09,995 --> 01:20:13,645 - I've been there with witnessing him do a very brave thing 1922 01:20:13,705 --> 01:20:14,725 for the first time Yeah. 1923 01:20:14,725 --> 01:20:16,605 As a performer. And this was one of them. 1924 01:20:16,625 --> 01:20:18,805 But I was like, I almost forgot to listen to the music. 1925 01:20:18,965 --> 01:20:20,885 'cause I was watching him conduct . 1926 01:20:21,345 --> 01:20:23,285 - So - I was like, if he falls out, I'm jumping down there, 1927 01:20:23,385 --> 01:20:24,965 I'm gonna go, what am I gonna do? 1928 01:20:25,285 --> 01:20:29,525 I don't know. So then, so weeping, weeping through this, 1929 01:20:30,465 --> 01:20:33,845 um, , the whole performance thing finishes. 1930 01:20:34,345 --> 01:20:36,245 And he had told us he couldn't, we have, 1931 01:20:36,275 --> 01:20:37,685 when we do this thing, every time we go to one 1932 01:20:37,685 --> 01:20:39,525 of his performances, we go get Culver's afterwards. 1933 01:20:40,105 --> 01:20:41,725 Um, he was like, I can't do that this time. 1934 01:20:41,755 --> 01:20:44,045 I've gotta immediately go from this performance 1935 01:20:44,665 --> 01:20:46,285 to pep band practice 1936 01:20:46,745 --> 01:20:48,925 to doing homework all in the same building. 1937 01:20:48,925 --> 01:20:49,925 Yeah. 'cause it was music related. 1938 01:20:50,265 --> 01:20:51,325 So it was like, okay, we're only gonna 1939 01:20:51,325 --> 01:20:52,405 get like 30 seconds with him. 1940 01:20:52,715 --> 01:20:54,885 This is, this is how, you know, they're growing up, 1941 01:20:55,125 --> 01:20:56,845 I guess in a healthy way. 1942 01:20:57,585 --> 01:20:59,965 We had to stand in line to get to talk to him 1943 01:21:00,035 --> 01:21:02,325 because his fellow band folks, 1944 01:21:02,425 --> 01:21:04,325 his studio members were congratulating 1945 01:21:04,325 --> 01:21:05,405 him and talk to him and whatever. 1946 01:21:05,405 --> 01:21:07,325 Mm-Hmm. . And then one friend came down 1947 01:21:07,325 --> 01:21:08,445 and talked to him, and then another friend 1948 01:21:08,445 --> 01:21:09,765 who was in the part of the group came down 1949 01:21:09,825 --> 01:21:10,845 and we're just standing there. 1950 01:21:11,315 --> 01:21:13,925 Like, at some point he'll come see his, his family 1951 01:21:14,065 --> 01:21:15,065 - Fiddle on our thumbs. 1952 01:21:15,065 --> 01:21:16,565 I hope he doesn't forget us, you know? Right. 1953 01:21:16,785 --> 01:21:19,085 - But - Yeah, now that he's, he's, he's famous, you know, 1954 01:21:19,185 --> 01:21:22,005 he just kick us to the curb. But, 1955 01:21:22,505 --> 01:21:23,505 - So Yeah. 1956 01:21:23,505 --> 01:21:26,805 - Yeah. - And then I forgot to my mom, I gotta see my mom 1957 01:21:26,825 --> 01:21:28,125 for part of a day on Monday. 1958 01:21:28,825 --> 01:21:29,885 Um Mm-Hmm. . 1959 01:21:30,065 --> 01:21:33,085 And I meant to, to get your phone and either show her 1960 01:21:33,085 --> 01:21:34,285 or try to send the video. 1961 01:21:34,765 --> 01:21:36,525 I dunno if it's too long to actually be sent. 1962 01:21:36,595 --> 01:21:38,605 I'll have to, but see she has an iPhone. 1963 01:21:38,685 --> 01:21:40,285 I could have like dropped it to her. Yeah. 1964 01:21:40,625 --> 01:21:42,285 - Forgot. It's, it's five and a half minutes. 1965 01:21:42,725 --> 01:21:44,605 - I think that might be too long to, to send. 1966 01:21:44,675 --> 01:21:46,845 I'll have to find another way. But yeah. 1967 01:21:47,425 --> 01:21:50,085 So yeah, proud, proud parent moments. 1968 01:21:50,945 --> 01:21:53,365 Um, and then he was, I think . 1969 01:21:53,725 --> 01:21:56,445 I try not to be embarrassing , 1970 01:21:56,445 --> 01:21:57,685 you know, an obvious way. 1971 01:21:57,745 --> 01:22:00,555 But you know, I exist so 1972 01:22:00,555 --> 01:22:01,755 therefore I embarrassed my children. 1973 01:22:02,295 --> 01:22:04,315 And so I hugged him, told him how proud I was of him. 1974 01:22:04,315 --> 01:22:06,195 Said, sorry, I cried. And he was still drying my tears, 1975 01:22:06,265 --> 01:22:08,715 even though like, it had been several minutes at that point. 1976 01:22:09,455 --> 01:22:11,515 And he, he, he was, he was smiling 1977 01:22:11,615 --> 01:22:12,755 and he like, looked proud, 1978 01:22:12,775 --> 01:22:15,075 but also he was like, oh my god, shut up mom. 1979 01:22:15,075 --> 01:22:16,475 You could see that look on his face. 1980 01:22:16,775 --> 01:22:18,515 He wouldn't say it to me publicly. 1981 01:22:18,935 --> 01:22:20,195 He would wait till it was private 1982 01:22:20,295 --> 01:22:22,195 and he could be a little shit about it. 1983 01:22:22,255 --> 01:22:24,275 But, um, yeah. 1984 01:22:24,615 --> 01:22:26,155 So yeah, it was good. Mm-Hmm. . That was 1985 01:22:26,155 --> 01:22:26,995 - Good. Yeah. It was very cool. 1986 01:22:27,135 --> 01:22:28,315 - And then we go back in a couple weeks 1987 01:22:28,555 --> 01:22:29,955 'cause he's got another performance. 1988 01:22:30,255 --> 01:22:31,115 - The, the symphonic 1989 01:22:31,115 --> 01:22:32,355 band. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . 1990 01:22:32,735 --> 01:22:35,115 - Mm-Hmm. . I know. It was just like, ugh. 1991 01:22:36,215 --> 01:22:37,715 And then I was really excited 1992 01:22:37,715 --> 01:22:40,475 because I was like, this means we have his first ever time 1993 01:22:40,565 --> 01:22:41,995 conducting recorded. 1994 01:22:42,175 --> 01:22:45,235 And so as he goes through college 1995 01:22:45,295 --> 01:22:46,835 and then whatever he is gonna do, you know, 1996 01:22:47,275 --> 01:22:48,835 specifically afterwards, it's like, oh, we get 1997 01:22:48,835 --> 01:22:50,435 to watch the evolution and be like, yes, 1998 01:22:50,465 --> 01:22:51,555 when you're really good at this, 1999 01:22:51,615 --> 01:22:53,635 let me pull out this video. . Right. 2000 01:22:53,755 --> 01:22:56,875 - remind you - Of where you started . 2001 01:22:57,965 --> 01:22:58,965 - Right. - So 2002 01:22:59,305 --> 01:23:00,305 - Yeah. 2003 01:23:00,305 --> 01:23:03,635 Yeah. It, it's funny when, um, he, he first, 2004 01:23:04,945 --> 01:23:06,965 uh, I became interested in band 2005 01:23:07,595 --> 01:23:12,125 when he was in middle school, he would not practice. 2006 01:23:12,865 --> 01:23:15,165 He would fight tooth and nail about practicing. 2007 01:23:15,825 --> 01:23:19,365 And there, there were times, um, he would be like, 2008 01:23:20,345 --> 01:23:22,125 if I just blow in the mouthpiece in the 2009 01:23:22,125 --> 01:23:24,045 closet, is that enough? ? Yeah. 2010 01:23:24,225 --> 01:23:26,845 - He was a trumpet player so he could, you know. Yeah. 2011 01:23:27,035 --> 01:23:28,485 Just use his mouthpiece a little 2012 01:23:28,485 --> 01:23:29,485 - Bit. 2013 01:23:29,485 --> 01:23:31,565 Mm-Hmm. . So that was , you know, it is 2014 01:23:31,565 --> 01:23:32,565 - Fun. 2015 01:23:32,565 --> 01:23:34,125 Yeah. It is wild to see the evolution from Yes. 2016 01:23:34,395 --> 01:23:36,485 Trumpet player who never practiced, 2017 01:23:36,785 --> 01:23:40,965 but eighth grade graduation, he helped com compose in a, 2018 01:23:41,045 --> 01:23:42,325 a much looser sense of the term. 2019 01:23:42,325 --> 01:23:44,845 Mm-Hmm. a piece that they played at eighth 2020 01:23:44,845 --> 01:23:47,125 grade graduation when he finished middle school. 2021 01:23:47,235 --> 01:23:50,085 Yeah. Should have known then to ninth grade 2022 01:23:50,085 --> 01:23:51,485 where he does high school band for, 2023 01:23:51,705 --> 01:23:53,365 and he does marching band for the first time. 2024 01:23:53,705 --> 01:23:55,245 And in marching band, if you don't know, 2025 01:23:55,245 --> 01:23:56,405 there's a lot of shouting. 2026 01:23:56,515 --> 01:23:59,005 There's a lot. Sometimes there's dancing, there's Mm-Hmm. 2027 01:23:59,045 --> 01:24:01,885 wild moves that if you are not used to it, 2028 01:24:01,885 --> 01:24:03,965 you're like, what the fuck is going on here? 2029 01:24:04,555 --> 01:24:07,085 There's lots of school and team pride. 2030 01:24:07,195 --> 01:24:09,405 Like, it's just part of the nature of it. Yeah. 2031 01:24:09,625 --> 01:24:13,085 And in ninth grade, he was like, I am never dancing 2032 01:24:13,305 --> 01:24:14,965 and I'm not shouting anything. 2033 01:24:15,185 --> 01:24:16,845 And by his senior year, he 2034 01:24:16,865 --> 01:24:18,605 - Was Oh, the - Loudest person. 2035 01:24:18,865 --> 01:24:20,645 - He was, he was leading the charge and 2036 01:24:20,645 --> 01:24:23,605 - Getting on to, well, freshmen who would not yell or dance. 2037 01:24:23,985 --> 01:24:27,045 And I was like, yeah, yeah, 2038 01:24:27,195 --> 01:24:28,195 - Yeah. 2039 01:24:28,195 --> 01:24:30,445 It, it's, it was, it's funny to see the 2040 01:24:30,445 --> 01:24:31,445 - Evolution has been amazing. 2041 01:24:31,445 --> 01:24:35,885 Yeah. Yeah. And now he is playing an, his main instrument 2042 01:24:36,395 --> 01:24:38,525 minimum on most days of the week. 2043 01:24:38,525 --> 01:24:40,125 Three or four hours. Like, it's just, 2044 01:24:40,475 --> 01:24:41,475 - Yeah. 2045 01:24:41,475 --> 01:24:43,005 - I mean, he'll, he'll go to the practice rooms at like 2046 01:24:43,205 --> 01:24:45,285 midnight if that's the time he has in his day 2047 01:24:45,625 --> 01:24:46,965 to get some practice in. 2048 01:24:47,065 --> 01:24:50,365 I'm like, I cannot even imagine. But yeah. 2049 01:24:50,625 --> 01:24:52,045 - Yep. Very proud - Of him. Mm-Hmm. 2050 01:24:52,315 --> 01:24:53,315 - Very, - Very proud. 2051 01:24:54,025 --> 01:24:55,365 Uh, mama For sure. 2052 01:24:55,515 --> 01:24:56,925 - Yeah. - So. 2053 01:24:56,945 --> 01:25:00,605 - Yep. Yep. - But yeah. Mm-Hmm. . 2054 01:25:00,605 --> 01:25:02,565 Other than that, I guess it's same old, same old. Mm-Hmm. 2055 01:25:02,605 --> 01:25:07,405 . So could we keep talking? Of course we could. 2056 01:25:07,605 --> 01:25:09,205 'cause we're real good at that. Are we 2057 01:25:09,205 --> 01:25:10,405 gonna, we should stop. 2058 01:25:10,925 --> 01:25:12,125 Probably should stop. Stop. We got, we need 2059 01:25:12,125 --> 01:25:13,685 to take Lola out . Yeah. 2060 01:25:13,995 --> 01:25:15,285 - Take - Her for a real walk. 2061 01:25:15,505 --> 01:25:16,805 - Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. 2062 01:25:17,145 --> 01:25:19,805 - That's cool thing. So yeah, that's it for us this week. 2063 01:25:19,905 --> 01:25:23,085 Yep. Uh, I have no clue what we're talking about next week. 2064 01:25:23,385 --> 01:25:24,565 Uh, we will have to figure that out. 2065 01:25:24,565 --> 01:25:25,565 - We'll figure it out, . 2066 01:25:26,065 --> 01:25:28,405 - Um, we'll figure it out. So we will. Mm-Hmm. 2067 01:25:28,445 --> 01:25:30,245 catch all next week. 2068 01:25:30,265 --> 01:25:31,765 - Thanks for joining us. Mm-Hmm. 2069 01:25:31,805 --> 01:25:33,005 being here with us, especially 2070 01:25:33,005 --> 01:25:34,005 - To the bitter end. 2071 01:25:34,005 --> 01:25:35,925 Yeah. Uh, okay. 2072 01:25:37,105 --> 01:25:37,765 - Bye. Bye.