1 00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:12,405 - You are listening to the loving BDSM podcast, 2 00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:13,925 episode 3 85. 3 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,365 Okay. The Lord, here we're the one, the only, the 4 00:00:17,145 --> 00:00:18,965 we keep finding ourselves in 5 00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:20,245 everything we've recorded today. 6 00:00:20,515 --> 00:00:22,565 Talking about sex in this episode, 7 00:00:22,645 --> 00:00:24,565 I don't think will be any, uh, different. 8 00:00:24,565 --> 00:00:25,805 Mm-Hmm, , uh, and you, 9 00:00:26,305 --> 00:00:27,725 you just keep getting more 10 00:00:27,725 --> 00:00:29,325 and more of a gleam in your eye. John 11 00:00:29,325 --> 00:00:30,845 - Brownstein, I don't know what you're talking about, 12 00:00:31,405 --> 00:00:32,405 - . 13 00:00:32,405 --> 00:00:34,005 I feel like wheels are turning . 14 00:00:36,475 --> 00:00:38,125 That is what I think 15 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:40,605 - Me to know and you to find out. 16 00:00:41,025 --> 00:00:42,045 - I'm looking forward to it. 17 00:00:42,485 --> 00:00:46,325 , we're, we're not talking about that 18 00:00:46,925 --> 00:00:48,885 actually, but still, still there. 19 00:00:49,385 --> 00:00:50,925 The conversation will probably center her a little bit 20 00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:53,685 around sex this week because we're gonna talk about the 21 00:00:53,685 --> 00:00:55,525 term pleasure, Dom. 22 00:00:55,945 --> 00:00:57,685 Uh, what it seems to mean 23 00:00:57,785 --> 00:00:59,725 and what we think about it as a term. 24 00:01:00,035 --> 00:01:01,685 Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. 25 00:01:01,865 --> 00:01:03,645 If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. 26 00:01:03,645 --> 00:01:05,125 If you're back for another week, welcome back. 27 00:01:05,225 --> 00:01:07,005 Loving BDSM is produced every Monday 28 00:01:07,005 --> 00:01:08,805 and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education. 29 00:01:08,805 --> 00:01:11,045 And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 30 00:01:11,355 --> 00:01:12,965 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast 31 00:01:13,025 --> 00:01:14,325 to your favorite podcast app. 32 00:01:14,625 --> 00:01:17,085 You can also follow the show on FetLife at Loving 33 00:01:17,595 --> 00:01:19,925 BDSM PC on Instagram at that handle. 34 00:01:20,045 --> 00:01:22,485 I will forever fucking hate loving Ds. 35 00:01:22,485 --> 00:01:24,685 And the number one that's at Loving Ds. 36 00:01:24,705 --> 00:01:28,125 One on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, 37 00:01:28,125 --> 00:01:29,205 where you can watch us live, stream the 38 00:01:29,205 --> 00:01:30,245 podcast every Wednesday. 39 00:01:30,665 --> 00:01:33,165 All links are in the show notes. Okay. 40 00:01:33,265 --> 00:01:35,365 Before we get into today's topic, 41 00:01:35,685 --> 00:01:37,245 I have an unscripted announcement 42 00:01:37,405 --> 00:01:39,285 'cause I didn't know I would be able to announce it. 43 00:01:39,985 --> 00:01:42,005 And for YouTube folks watching the live stream, 44 00:01:42,075 --> 00:01:45,085 this will not help you, but future, you might appreciate it. 45 00:01:45,085 --> 00:01:46,845 Mm-Hmm. , I am adding new things 46 00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:49,765 to our Etsy shop, including new designs. 47 00:01:50,105 --> 00:01:52,965 Are they mostly focused on brats? Yeah. 48 00:01:53,445 --> 00:01:55,165 'cause I had a lot of good ideas with that one. 49 00:01:55,465 --> 00:01:58,525 Um, but there will be very soon a shirt design 50 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,245 called Grumpy Daddy , 51 00:02:01,905 --> 00:02:04,645 and another one called Sadistic Daddy. 52 00:02:05,065 --> 00:02:06,725 So they're coming for podcast listeners. 53 00:02:06,725 --> 00:02:08,045 By the time you're hearing it, it's all there. 54 00:02:08,405 --> 00:02:10,765 Whatever YouTube folks, if you're watching on Wednesday 55 00:02:10,765 --> 00:02:12,725 livestream day, gimme a few hours. 56 00:02:12,755 --> 00:02:15,525 Like I, it's this afternoon's task is 57 00:02:15,525 --> 00:02:16,645 to get these up online. 58 00:02:16,965 --> 00:02:19,325 . So yeah, that's the announcement. 59 00:02:19,325 --> 00:02:21,365 Our Etsy shop Etsy link in the places. 60 00:02:22,385 --> 00:02:25,165 Um, yeah, I'm excited. 61 00:02:25,195 --> 00:02:28,365 I've finally like, just got my shit together 62 00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:30,885 and could start getting it done like I had said I wanted 63 00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:32,005 to do three months ago. 64 00:02:32,265 --> 00:02:35,005 And here we are. Okay. All right. 65 00:02:35,505 --> 00:02:39,405 So that, that said, we are gonna talk about 66 00:02:39,945 --> 00:02:41,365 the term pleasure, Dom. 67 00:02:41,405 --> 00:02:43,885 I want to give a disclaimer. First disclaimer. 68 00:02:43,885 --> 00:02:48,605 We say every time we talk about a term, if you use this term 69 00:02:48,785 --> 00:02:51,965 for yourself and it feels right to you and 70 00:02:52,065 --> 00:02:56,525 or you define it differently than the way we understand the 71 00:02:56,525 --> 00:03:00,405 definition, that's valid, you get to do that. 72 00:03:00,785 --> 00:03:02,445 Labels are inherently personal. 73 00:03:02,465 --> 00:03:04,325 And for the person who's gonna go, oh, why do we have 74 00:03:04,325 --> 00:03:05,365 to even bother with labels? 75 00:03:05,825 --> 00:03:08,445 You don't have to . 76 00:03:08,945 --> 00:03:11,445 Do not know why It is such a personal affront to somebody 77 00:03:11,445 --> 00:03:13,845 who rejects labels that they need to tell me that. 78 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,205 Why do we even have to talk about labels? 79 00:03:15,205 --> 00:03:18,365 We talk about labels because they create a common language 80 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,805 that helps us have a common understanding most 81 00:03:20,805 --> 00:03:23,205 of the time about what we're talking about. 82 00:03:23,225 --> 00:03:25,685 It gives you, it gives the other person you're talking 83 00:03:25,685 --> 00:03:29,525 to an idea of what you mean gives a reference point, right. 84 00:03:29,555 --> 00:03:30,845 It's a shorthand now. Yeah. 85 00:03:31,065 --> 00:03:33,165 What's important is to then have an in-depth discussion of 86 00:03:33,165 --> 00:03:35,445 what you actually mean and how you define these things. 87 00:03:35,785 --> 00:03:38,845 But it allows us to find like-minded people and to Mm-Hmm. 88 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,405 , you know, figure out who our community is. 89 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,925 Find your tribe. Right. And help figure out who we are. 90 00:03:42,945 --> 00:03:44,245 And so that's why we talk about it. 91 00:03:44,245 --> 00:03:48,325 However, we do not always agree on terms 92 00:03:48,425 --> 00:03:50,205 or how they're used or the definitions. 93 00:03:50,425 --> 00:03:53,965 And so I just, I just want you to know that it's, 94 00:03:53,965 --> 00:03:57,125 it's okay if I don't like a term that you hold very dear 95 00:03:57,125 --> 00:03:58,285 to you, you get to do that. 96 00:03:58,675 --> 00:04:01,605 It's fine. Okay. Okay. Okay. 97 00:04:01,605 --> 00:04:03,405 So let's talk about pleasure dom. Mm. 98 00:04:03,825 --> 00:04:06,165 The first time I personally heard it 99 00:04:06,545 --> 00:04:07,765 was in a work of fiction. 100 00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:11,365 Okay. I think I complained about it in a bonus section a 101 00:04:11,365 --> 00:04:13,925 couple weeks ago, , because I think I said something 102 00:04:13,925 --> 00:04:16,925 like, oh yeah, you know, he said he was her pleasure, Dom. 103 00:04:17,345 --> 00:04:21,845 And the more I've gotten a chance to reflect on this, 104 00:04:21,955 --> 00:04:24,925 that particular book, um, it was out of a series. 105 00:04:24,925 --> 00:04:26,605 Everybody was kinky. It was delightful. 106 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,125 The more I kind of got the ick, and it was not 107 00:04:30,795 --> 00:04:32,885 because he used the term pleasure Dom. 108 00:04:33,125 --> 00:04:34,765 'cause I was like, wait, that's not one I've heard of. 109 00:04:35,425 --> 00:04:39,325 It was kind of the way the character defined it, 110 00:04:39,325 --> 00:04:41,085 which clearly are the authors defining it. 111 00:04:41,905 --> 00:04:45,365 And, you know, I was based on what I've learned since about 112 00:04:45,365 --> 00:04:48,245 how what the air quote real definition seems to be. 113 00:04:48,685 --> 00:04:50,605 I kind like how it was defined in this book 114 00:04:50,605 --> 00:04:52,325 because he was still a daddy dom. 115 00:04:52,705 --> 00:04:55,925 But in that fictional situation, 116 00:04:56,385 --> 00:04:59,565 his focus was on his partner's pleasure, 117 00:04:59,985 --> 00:05:02,245 and he only wanted to provide pleasure. 118 00:05:02,585 --> 00:05:04,085 And most of that was sexual pleasure, 119 00:05:04,085 --> 00:05:07,165 which is absolutely seems to be a defining trait 120 00:05:07,185 --> 00:05:08,925 of the term pleasure dom. 121 00:05:09,425 --> 00:05:13,245 And then where I got the ick was that when he, he 122 00:05:13,305 --> 00:05:16,125 and his partner discovered that she was a masochist to, 123 00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:17,565 even though they never used that word, 124 00:05:17,705 --> 00:05:19,605 and that's my little side eye to the author there, 125 00:05:20,025 --> 00:05:22,005 but like, she liked pain and she liked rough 126 00:05:22,005 --> 00:05:23,445 and not all pain, but certain pain. 127 00:05:23,445 --> 00:05:25,525 And she really craved it. And she wanted those sensations, 128 00:05:26,475 --> 00:05:28,365 this character, this pleasure. 129 00:05:28,385 --> 00:05:31,925 Dom had a little bit of a freak out because he was like, 130 00:05:31,985 --> 00:05:34,885 but I can, I only want to provide pleasure. 131 00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:35,885 And what she's asking 132 00:05:35,945 --> 00:05:38,165 for is not in my definition of pleasure. 133 00:05:38,165 --> 00:05:40,205 And then I was like, then I don't like your term 134 00:05:40,205 --> 00:05:42,565 of pleasure, Dom, because if that is pleasurable to her, 135 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,245 does not mean a person has to then do the thing. 136 00:05:45,865 --> 00:05:47,925 You can, you can have boundaries where you're like, 137 00:05:47,925 --> 00:05:49,125 I'm not gonna do impact play. 138 00:05:49,145 --> 00:05:50,365 I'm not gonna do those things. Yeah. 139 00:05:50,425 --> 00:05:54,045 But please do not say you were somehow not able to do that 140 00:05:54,155 --> 00:05:57,445 because it's not pleasure when it clearly is. 141 00:05:57,455 --> 00:05:59,365 She's having an orgasm all strapped 142 00:05:59,365 --> 00:06:00,405 up there getting flogged. 143 00:06:00,405 --> 00:06:02,525 Like clearly she finds a pleasurable. 144 00:06:02,625 --> 00:06:04,005 So that's where I got the ick from. 145 00:06:04,005 --> 00:06:05,165 Yeah. In the use of the term. 146 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:09,445 - And, and see, that's kind of where I have, I, 147 00:06:09,565 --> 00:06:11,085 I have heard the term in passing. 148 00:06:11,225 --> 00:06:14,485 Mm-Hmm. It, it was one of those things that I heard. 149 00:06:14,765 --> 00:06:16,885 I was like, yeah, okay, fine. 150 00:06:17,065 --> 00:06:19,445 And whoosh over, you know, over my head. Right. 151 00:06:19,465 --> 00:06:23,965 And, and passed. Now, you know, listening 152 00:06:23,965 --> 00:06:25,565 to you describe what you said in the book, 153 00:06:25,705 --> 00:06:28,045 - And this is a work of fiction, so things get like Yeah. 154 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,845 You know, changed to fit the narrative. Like 155 00:06:30,025 --> 00:06:33,805 - We all know, um, you know, I, I had a very, uh, 156 00:06:34,215 --> 00:06:37,325 broad understanding of what a pleasure dom is. 157 00:06:37,325 --> 00:06:38,365 Mm-Hmm. . Okay. 158 00:06:38,625 --> 00:06:43,085 So it's like, oh, you like pain, you like to be spanked, 159 00:06:43,105 --> 00:06:45,085 you like whips you, like floggers you like, 160 00:06:45,085 --> 00:06:46,085 - That brings you pleasure. 161 00:06:46,745 --> 00:06:51,165 - So that's, I'm, I'm going to do that to you. Pleasure. 162 00:06:51,295 --> 00:06:54,445 - Which if you just go based on what you understand it means 163 00:06:54,505 --> 00:06:57,085 to be a dom or a sub in power exchange, 164 00:06:57,145 --> 00:06:59,885 and then the words you, I think 165 00:06:59,885 --> 00:07:01,725 that's a reasonable leap to go Oh, mm-Hmm. 166 00:07:01,765 --> 00:07:02,765 , my job is to make sure 167 00:07:02,765 --> 00:07:04,845 that my sub is experiencing 168 00:07:05,565 --> 00:07:07,565 pleasure in whatever way it's, we're going to define that. 169 00:07:07,755 --> 00:07:11,805 Yeah. That is not how we seem to define it. 170 00:07:11,905 --> 00:07:16,285 So the absolute best resource that I use to my figure out 171 00:07:16,285 --> 00:07:18,005 what the fuck pleasure dom is supposed to be 172 00:07:18,545 --> 00:07:22,085 is the wonderful Evie Lupine who has a video who would, 173 00:07:22,395 --> 00:07:25,605 that is linked in the places I highly recommend. 174 00:07:25,605 --> 00:07:28,605 Please go watch. She's very fair. She doesn't get ranty. 175 00:07:28,605 --> 00:07:30,725 Like I get ranty and she's very organized. 176 00:07:30,725 --> 00:07:32,045 So if you're like, I can't follow 177 00:07:33,405 --> 00:07:34,645 whatever this is that they're doing. 178 00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:35,685 Mm-Hmm. . And I wanna 179 00:07:35,685 --> 00:07:37,165 understand that's a great video. 180 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:40,605 Please go watch it. So the video 181 00:07:40,605 --> 00:07:42,365 that Evie put out is from 2022. 182 00:07:42,705 --> 00:07:45,605 And at that time she was saying that the term seems to be 183 00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:47,725 really only a year 184 00:07:47,725 --> 00:07:51,245 or two old, at least in popular kink culture. 185 00:07:51,245 --> 00:07:53,965 Whether it's getting a lot of, uh, conversation 186 00:07:54,025 --> 00:07:55,245 and tags and searches. 187 00:07:55,825 --> 00:07:58,965 And it seems to have originated on, um, TikTok 188 00:07:58,965 --> 00:08:01,325 that might is probably not completely true, 189 00:08:01,505 --> 00:08:05,085 but the popularization of it seems to stem from there. 190 00:08:05,145 --> 00:08:06,405 So it's only a few years old, 191 00:08:06,505 --> 00:08:08,045 but now that we're in 2024, 192 00:08:08,045 --> 00:08:09,245 we're talking like four years old. 193 00:08:09,905 --> 00:08:13,205 Um, and the way Evie described it based on her research in 194 00:08:13,205 --> 00:08:17,405 2022 was that it is, and I wrote it down 195 00:08:17,445 --> 00:08:18,845 'cause I wanted to make sure I got this right. 196 00:08:20,115 --> 00:08:23,285 Primarily it is sensation play and orgasm control. 197 00:08:24,265 --> 00:08:28,925 Um, edging, and I've never heard it referred to this way, 198 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,085 but orgasm, torture. 199 00:08:30,305 --> 00:08:32,445 Mm-Hmm. To me, I've heard orgasm denial and 200 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:33,485 or forced orgasms. 201 00:08:33,485 --> 00:08:34,645 I've never heard orgasm torture, 202 00:08:34,785 --> 00:08:37,325 but I think it's similar to forced orgasms. 203 00:08:37,905 --> 00:08:40,325 And that primarily focuses on acts of sexual 204 00:08:40,885 --> 00:08:43,165 pleasure performed by one partner on another. 205 00:08:43,585 --> 00:08:46,885 And the primary definition where it seems 206 00:08:46,885 --> 00:08:51,525 to be used the most is on male dom, female sub, um, Mm-Hmm. 207 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,645 . And something that Iwi pointed out 208 00:08:53,645 --> 00:08:58,325 that makes total sense is from her vo viewpoint, the, 209 00:08:59,785 --> 00:09:04,605 you know, the idea of a pleasure dom stems from a response 210 00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:08,205 to the violent stereotype Mm. 211 00:09:08,705 --> 00:09:12,085 Of of dominance, which every example she cited. 212 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,645 And then in some places I saw some things people were 213 00:09:14,645 --> 00:09:16,885 describing sadist, , and masochist. 214 00:09:16,915 --> 00:09:19,725 Yeah. And they had decided that based on whatever 215 00:09:20,645 --> 00:09:25,445 resources they had found, sometimes porn, often porn that 216 00:09:25,445 --> 00:09:28,165 because they didn't like the violent nature air quote 217 00:09:28,165 --> 00:09:32,445 that word violent nature of, um, power exchange. 218 00:09:33,075 --> 00:09:37,405 They needed an alternative term for pleasure dom. 219 00:09:37,405 --> 00:09:40,725 But that in the popular use of it, 220 00:09:41,185 --> 00:09:42,565 it was mostly sexual. 221 00:09:43,265 --> 00:09:45,565 It was not necessarily a power exchange. 222 00:09:45,705 --> 00:09:47,925 The dom was more of a 223 00:09:49,185 --> 00:09:51,005 sexual service top. 224 00:09:51,355 --> 00:09:54,805 Like, I'm gonna prioritize you the air quote subs pleasure, 225 00:09:54,805 --> 00:09:56,605 and I'm gonna give you orgasms and sensation. 226 00:09:56,605 --> 00:09:58,485 It's gonna be sensual and it's gonna be, 227 00:09:58,705 --> 00:10:01,725 and apparently the way that back in 2022, at least, 228 00:10:01,725 --> 00:10:04,365 that it was sort of being described as very like romantic. 229 00:10:04,585 --> 00:10:07,085 And, and that's fine. There can be romantic power exchange. 230 00:10:07,135 --> 00:10:08,165 Let's be very clear here. 231 00:10:08,585 --> 00:10:11,685 But that it was, the way I ended up thinking of it based on 232 00:10:11,685 --> 00:10:14,725 how Evie was describing it, was the 233 00:10:16,445 --> 00:10:17,765 vilification 234 00:10:18,425 --> 00:10:19,425 - Of Yeah. 235 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:23,965 - Of like power exchange ish, power exchange light. 236 00:10:23,965 --> 00:10:25,485 And I wanna be careful how I use those terms. 237 00:10:26,575 --> 00:10:28,765 Power exchange exists on a vast spectrum 238 00:10:29,065 --> 00:10:32,085 and correct air quote, light is subjective 239 00:10:32,185 --> 00:10:33,725 and air quote light is okay. 240 00:10:34,185 --> 00:10:36,725 Um, but , the way these, 241 00:10:36,865 --> 00:10:38,485 the definitions are being described 242 00:10:38,665 --> 00:10:40,125 and the activities are being described, 243 00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:42,365 at no point was I like, but who, who's in control? 244 00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:47,885 The bless you. The whoa , sorry. 245 00:10:47,885 --> 00:10:49,445 The, uh, sorry. Recording table. 246 00:10:49,445 --> 00:10:51,365 Nearly toppled over . 247 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:56,125 The way it's being described here is it's really about, 248 00:10:56,545 --> 00:10:59,765 I'm providing this sexual pleasure Mm-Hmm. 249 00:10:59,805 --> 00:11:02,685 in these ways that the receiving 250 00:11:02,685 --> 00:11:04,165 partner enjoys. 251 00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,805 And they are the focus. And God 252 00:11:05,805 --> 00:11:06,845 knows there's nothing wrong with that. 253 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:11,965 JB has done some very sensual things to me that involved no, 254 00:11:12,385 --> 00:11:14,725 um, pain, no impact, nothing. 255 00:11:14,905 --> 00:11:17,205 Air quote, extreme. It was very clear 256 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,485 who was in control there. 257 00:11:18,485 --> 00:11:22,885 Mm-Hmm. . But at no point in the way Evie was 258 00:11:22,885 --> 00:11:24,845 describing her understanding of pleasure, Dom, 259 00:11:25,035 --> 00:11:27,805 were we talking about power control, leadership? 260 00:11:27,805 --> 00:11:29,285 Mm-Hmm. . It was focused on these 261 00:11:29,285 --> 00:11:30,405 very sexual acts. 262 00:11:30,715 --> 00:11:34,885 Okay. So that was the probably the best definition I saw 263 00:11:34,885 --> 00:11:36,085 that felt like it encompassed 264 00:11:36,755 --> 00:11:39,605 what at the time the term seemed to me. 265 00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:42,365 Now, let's be clear terms evolve over time. 266 00:11:42,385 --> 00:11:45,725 As, as a a, a label comes in contact 267 00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:47,565 with real people who are using it. 268 00:11:47,925 --> 00:11:50,085 I think it's like the definitions will 269 00:11:50,225 --> 00:11:51,365 change and adjust a bit. 270 00:11:51,365 --> 00:11:52,725 Mm-Hmm. . And that's okay. Okay. 271 00:11:52,865 --> 00:11:54,565 So 2024 definition 272 00:11:55,335 --> 00:11:57,525 might be a little bit more nuanced than that. 273 00:11:57,525 --> 00:11:59,125 There'll definitely be, I think some people 274 00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:02,285 who have taken on the term and have added nuance to it. 275 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:03,805 And that's fine. But then 276 00:12:03,835 --> 00:12:05,405 that was not the only resource I went to. 277 00:12:05,445 --> 00:12:06,485 I was like, well, lemme, lemme a look. 278 00:12:06,485 --> 00:12:08,045 Lemme go look at some things. How are we defining 279 00:12:08,045 --> 00:12:09,045 - It? 280 00:12:09,045 --> 00:12:13,285 I mean, to me the, the term pleasure dom is, 281 00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:15,525 is way too ambiguous for me. 282 00:12:16,215 --> 00:12:17,645 - Right. And here's, and this is 283 00:12:17,645 --> 00:12:18,885 where I started getting annoyed 284 00:12:18,885 --> 00:12:21,645 because the way Evie was describing it was kind of specific, 285 00:12:21,705 --> 00:12:23,925 but still didn't sound anything like power exchange 286 00:12:23,925 --> 00:12:25,645 to me it just sounded like a sexual thing. 287 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:29,805 And that's fine. So then I do doing a Google, like, let's, 288 00:12:30,095 --> 00:12:34,125 let's look at the top results for the term pleasure dom. 289 00:12:34,125 --> 00:12:37,765 And why? Because when a newbie Googles a term, 290 00:12:37,765 --> 00:12:39,765 they're not going to page five to look 291 00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:40,845 for a specific resource, 292 00:12:40,845 --> 00:12:42,445 they're gonna click what's ever on that front page. 293 00:12:42,445 --> 00:12:43,885 Mm-Hmm. . So I was like, lemme see what's on 294 00:12:43,885 --> 00:12:47,285 the front page one was from a site, um, bad Girls' Bible. 295 00:12:47,545 --> 00:12:49,005 And I will link to all 296 00:12:49,005 --> 00:12:51,245 of these in the places I cannot remember if I've already 297 00:12:51,245 --> 00:12:53,085 linked to it on YouTube for the live stream. 298 00:12:53,145 --> 00:12:56,405 But if not, I will. Um, this one is pretty, 299 00:12:58,985 --> 00:13:01,885 uh, am not ambiguous, but it's like, it's pretty vague. 300 00:13:02,265 --> 00:13:04,325 Uh, pleasure Dom. This is a relatively newer term 301 00:13:04,355 --> 00:13:05,965 that appears to have taken off on TikTok 302 00:13:06,465 --> 00:13:08,485 and isn't really used in person. 303 00:13:08,785 --> 00:13:10,765 So that was, uh, I was like, oh, okay. 304 00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:13,765 A pleasure dominant gets their sexual gratification from 305 00:13:13,765 --> 00:13:15,565 filling their partner's sexual needs. 306 00:13:15,825 --> 00:13:18,405 The more pleasure they can give, the better sex toys 307 00:13:18,405 --> 00:13:20,005 and blindfolds are commonly used by pleasure. 308 00:13:20,075 --> 00:13:21,645 Doms uh, pleasure. Doms are typically 309 00:13:21,645 --> 00:13:22,765 male and their subs are female. 310 00:13:22,765 --> 00:13:23,965 Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Fine. Okay. 311 00:13:24,025 --> 00:13:26,605 So that got my hackles up 312 00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:30,485 'cause I was like, um, the, 313 00:13:30,595 --> 00:13:33,165 however you go about it in power exchange, 314 00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:37,445 the point should be the everybody involved 315 00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,045 gets pleasure. 316 00:13:40,335 --> 00:13:42,365 Right? And gratification, is it sexual? 317 00:13:42,365 --> 00:13:45,325 That'll depend on the person, but we don't, 318 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:48,365 we shouldn't have to name a dom something different 319 00:13:48,465 --> 00:13:51,405 for something that All right, responsible, ethical, 320 00:13:51,845 --> 00:13:52,965 sters should be trying to 321 00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:53,965 - Provide. 322 00:13:53,965 --> 00:13:55,365 And now here, here's the other thing, you know, listening 323 00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:59,885 to this is as you, as you read that this also in, 324 00:13:59,885 --> 00:14:03,085 in most of the terms that you have read to me Mm-Hmm. 325 00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:05,845 the description of what this means. Mm-Hmm. 326 00:14:05,885 --> 00:14:10,285 it, it is in my mind in a sense perpetuating 327 00:14:11,345 --> 00:14:15,005 the myth that BDSM is all about sex. 328 00:14:16,065 --> 00:14:17,125 - Yes. Yes. 329 00:14:17,555 --> 00:14:20,685 - Alright. Which anyone who truly lives 330 00:14:21,345 --> 00:14:24,125 the lifestyle at any aspect of the spectrum, 331 00:14:26,225 --> 00:14:27,445 it can be right? 332 00:14:27,705 --> 00:14:29,605 But it's not the bread and butter of it. 333 00:14:29,695 --> 00:14:31,645 - Right? And so when you say pleasure dom, 334 00:14:31,645 --> 00:14:33,565 and then the defining characteristic 335 00:14:33,565 --> 00:14:34,685 is sexual gratification. 336 00:14:34,745 --> 00:14:37,165 Are we saying that every other type of dom who wants 337 00:14:37,165 --> 00:14:40,485 to make sure that their sub experiences pleasure in some way 338 00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:41,725 and, and, you know, 339 00:14:42,675 --> 00:14:46,045 gets their needs met is not a pleasure, Tom? 340 00:14:46,075 --> 00:14:48,245 Like, that doesn't even make sense. It's too fucking vague. 341 00:14:48,385 --> 00:14:51,485 Now here's where I thought my head was gonna explode. Oh. 342 00:14:51,485 --> 00:14:53,445 Oh, for real? For real. So I don't 343 00:14:53,445 --> 00:14:54,805 know anything about the site. 344 00:14:55,025 --> 00:14:58,805 Um, what's it called? Kinky events. It's a UK site. 345 00:14:59,605 --> 00:15:01,765 I just know it's one of the top search results. 346 00:15:02,225 --> 00:15:04,285 And that means that people who don't know a lot 347 00:15:04,285 --> 00:15:06,205 who are trying to learn about a term will find this 348 00:15:06,385 --> 00:15:07,725 and they will see this. 349 00:15:07,825 --> 00:15:09,485 And this is what pisses me off. 350 00:15:09,545 --> 00:15:13,845 Now, to be fair, I understand what you have to do in order 351 00:15:13,865 --> 00:15:16,285 to get on the first page of fucking Google. 352 00:15:16,505 --> 00:15:18,925 You have to write good quality content. 353 00:15:19,035 --> 00:15:22,245 Ideally, that answers a question and is useful to people. 354 00:15:22,265 --> 00:15:25,005 But also you gotta like, write enough for the 355 00:15:25,565 --> 00:15:29,405 SEO search algorithmic gods to like you. 356 00:15:29,865 --> 00:15:31,885 So I get where some of that is coming from. 357 00:15:31,905 --> 00:15:33,845 But as a person who tries 358 00:15:33,945 --> 00:15:36,765 to present power exchange in a realistic 359 00:15:36,985 --> 00:15:38,085 and educational way, 360 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,845 this grinds my fucking gears and here's why. 361 00:15:40,845 --> 00:15:45,405 Ooh. So we get the, what is the pleasure Dom, 362 00:15:46,385 --> 00:15:49,645 uh, style of dominance where the primary role is focused is 363 00:15:49,645 --> 00:15:52,125 to focus on providing pleasure to their partner, 364 00:15:52,475 --> 00:15:54,565 combining elements of dominance 365 00:15:54,565 --> 00:15:56,205 and submission with the main emphasis 366 00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,685 being consensual pleasure. 367 00:15:58,495 --> 00:16:00,965 Every fucking power exchange should focus 368 00:16:00,965 --> 00:16:02,525 on consensual pleasure. 369 00:16:02,955 --> 00:16:05,965 What that looks like will be different based on the exchange 370 00:16:06,025 --> 00:16:07,565 and the power exchange and the agreement Yeah. 371 00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,325 And what pleasure looks like to each other. 372 00:16:09,985 --> 00:16:12,165 But what are you fucking talking about? 373 00:16:12,165 --> 00:16:14,525 That's the first paragraph. And I, there's still more to go. 374 00:16:14,535 --> 00:16:16,685 Sorry. , would you like to cut in 375 00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,445 before I like, make my head explode more? 376 00:16:18,505 --> 00:16:20,445 Go, go right ahead. Go right ahead. Okay. 377 00:16:20,985 --> 00:16:25,085 The pleasure, Dom, in return feels a sense of satisfaction 378 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,885 and fulfillment from having created 379 00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,765 and given these pleasurable experiences 380 00:16:28,865 --> 00:16:33,565 to their submissive partner, I'm sorry, JB daddy Dom sadist, 381 00:16:33,995 --> 00:16:36,085 sometimes sadistic bastard, 382 00:16:36,105 --> 00:16:37,485 as I have referred to you, . 383 00:16:37,825 --> 00:16:40,165 Um, you do not consider yourself a pleasure Dom, 384 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:43,525 but have you ever felt satisfaction 385 00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:46,445 and fulfillment from creating 386 00:16:46,545 --> 00:16:48,725 and providing pleasure for me? 387 00:16:48,795 --> 00:16:50,885 Your submissive baby girl masochist, 388 00:16:51,375 --> 00:16:53,125 never stop that . 389 00:16:55,065 --> 00:16:56,245 We both know that's not fucking true. 390 00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:02,765 Oh my fucking god. Okay, so let, let's keep going. 391 00:17:03,025 --> 00:17:05,725 All right. This is again, smoke was coming outta of my ears. 392 00:17:08,085 --> 00:17:12,365 Pleasure Dom responsibilities. So, um, pleasure. 393 00:17:12,375 --> 00:17:14,125 Dom's role encompasses much more than simply 394 00:17:14,445 --> 00:17:15,685 orchestrating pleasurable experiences. 395 00:17:16,155 --> 00:17:18,565 Okay. Okay. Tell, tell me more. 396 00:17:19,235 --> 00:17:22,005 Make it specific to pleasure dominance, 397 00:17:23,365 --> 00:17:24,885 establishing clear boundaries 398 00:17:24,885 --> 00:17:27,245 and consent, communicating effectively, 399 00:17:27,885 --> 00:17:29,805 creating an environment where their partner can freely 400 00:17:29,805 --> 00:17:31,125 express their desires, fantasies, 401 00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:32,485 and boundaries without fear of judgment. 402 00:17:33,525 --> 00:17:34,805 Actively listening to their partner, 403 00:17:35,285 --> 00:17:38,445 crafting customized experiences for their partner, 404 00:17:38,905 --> 00:17:40,485 taking charge of scenes 405 00:17:40,585 --> 00:17:42,085 and guiding their submissive 406 00:17:42,085 --> 00:17:45,165 through various experiences providing aftercare 407 00:17:45,835 --> 00:17:46,845 only the pleasure. 408 00:17:46,955 --> 00:17:49,045 Doms do that apparently. Wow. 409 00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:52,205 - Um, I guess I've been doing it wrong all these years. 410 00:17:53,585 --> 00:17:54,525 - You were a pleasure Dom, 411 00:17:54,525 --> 00:17:55,645 and you just didn't fucking know it. 412 00:17:55,645 --> 00:17:58,445 - Mm-Hmm. . I, I guess. Wow. 413 00:17:59,785 --> 00:18:03,165 - And, but I'm, I'm not, I'm not done yet. 414 00:18:03,185 --> 00:18:04,885 It, it continues to get better slash worse 415 00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,345 - Ex. 416 00:18:06,345 --> 00:18:09,245 Except, you know, hearing this the pleasure, Dom, I , 417 00:18:10,085 --> 00:18:14,645 I, I can't help but think of auntie entity. 418 00:18:15,115 --> 00:18:16,765 Okay. And the pleasure Dom. . 419 00:18:17,025 --> 00:18:21,085 - God. Okay. . Okay. 420 00:18:21,345 --> 00:18:25,845 So now we get to a section called pleasure dom. 421 00:18:25,875 --> 00:18:30,645 Qualities a good pleasure. Dom has the following qualities. 422 00:18:30,645 --> 00:18:32,765 Now we must assume these are unique qualities 423 00:18:32,765 --> 00:18:34,165 to being a pleasure dom. 424 00:18:34,165 --> 00:18:36,325 Mm-Hmm. . Because it does not indicate anywhere 425 00:18:36,795 --> 00:18:40,165 that this is inherently a quality that all domin should have 426 00:18:40,165 --> 00:18:41,285 or most dominance should have, or 427 00:18:41,285 --> 00:18:42,525 dominance just should have. 428 00:18:42,635 --> 00:18:47,205 Okay. Here they are the qualities of a pleasure dog. 429 00:18:47,205 --> 00:18:49,445 - Alright. - Empathy 430 00:18:49,465 --> 00:18:51,605 and emotional intelligence to understand 431 00:18:51,605 --> 00:18:53,285 and respond to their partner's needs. 432 00:18:53,945 --> 00:18:57,805 Strong communication skills, knowledge of BDSM practices, 433 00:18:57,805 --> 00:19:00,045 techniques and safety protocols, creativity 434 00:19:00,045 --> 00:19:01,085 and adaptability to cater 435 00:19:01,085 --> 00:19:03,565 to their partner's unique desires and fantasies. 436 00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:06,325 Patience and understanding to navigate the complexities 437 00:19:06,325 --> 00:19:08,845 of power dynamics and emotional vulnerability. 438 00:19:09,045 --> 00:19:10,765 A pleasure Dom should know they're submissive 439 00:19:11,105 --> 00:19:12,525 inside and out. 440 00:19:14,135 --> 00:19:16,525 Every goddamn dominant should know that, I don't care 441 00:19:16,525 --> 00:19:18,245 what title you use, I don't care what label you use, 442 00:19:18,245 --> 00:19:19,565 I don't care what your power exchange looks like. 443 00:19:19,565 --> 00:19:20,765 I don't care how you organize it 444 00:19:20,905 --> 00:19:22,925 or negotiate it or fucking do it. 445 00:19:23,655 --> 00:19:28,245 Those are the qualities that every responsible, ethical, 446 00:19:28,885 --> 00:19:30,165 dominant should fucking have. 447 00:19:30,165 --> 00:19:34,485 - It, it it, right? It, it doesn't matter if you identify 448 00:19:34,585 --> 00:19:37,245 as a, as a daddy, dom, as as a master. 449 00:19:38,065 --> 00:19:39,405 You know how, 450 00:19:39,405 --> 00:19:41,685 however, those are the tenets of, 451 00:19:41,745 --> 00:19:43,445 of b DSM of dominant. There's the te 452 00:19:43,445 --> 00:19:44,445 - Yeah. 453 00:19:44,445 --> 00:19:45,005 They're the tenets of bdsm. Yeah. 454 00:19:45,005 --> 00:19:46,325 And here's what pisses me off about this. 455 00:19:46,545 --> 00:19:48,445 If I'm a newbie or I'm a person who's trying 456 00:19:48,445 --> 00:19:49,845 to figure myself out and I'm like, well, 457 00:19:49,845 --> 00:19:51,565 the things I'm seeing in porn 458 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,845 or the things that seem to be happening in my local 459 00:19:53,845 --> 00:19:55,605 community, I'm not resonating 460 00:19:55,605 --> 00:19:56,765 with this type of power change. 461 00:19:56,765 --> 00:19:58,525 And then I hear the term pleasure Dom. Mm-Hmm. 462 00:19:58,565 --> 00:19:59,845 . And then I go Google. Pleasure 463 00:19:59,845 --> 00:20:00,965 Dom and I come across this. 464 00:20:01,155 --> 00:20:03,485 What this says, if you're trying 465 00:20:03,485 --> 00:20:07,325 to learn it absolutely complicit completely implicitly, 466 00:20:07,515 --> 00:20:11,765 implies practically states that only this is 467 00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:12,845 what pleasure doms do. 468 00:20:12,905 --> 00:20:15,325 So does that then mean that every other type of dom 469 00:20:15,385 --> 00:20:17,725 who does not consider themselves a pleasure, Dom, 470 00:20:17,875 --> 00:20:19,325 they just don't do this. 471 00:20:19,325 --> 00:20:21,205 This just isn't a quality you should 472 00:20:21,205 --> 00:20:22,205 - Fucking expect. 473 00:20:22,205 --> 00:20:23,925 Or, or secretly we've been pleasure doms 474 00:20:23,925 --> 00:20:25,325 for years and just didn't know it. 475 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:28,085 - Oh my fucking God. . 476 00:20:28,225 --> 00:20:29,245 And this goes back to 477 00:20:29,245 --> 00:20:32,885 what Evie was saying in her video about the, the term, 478 00:20:33,305 --> 00:20:36,165 the definition, the utilization of this 479 00:20:37,415 --> 00:20:41,125 seems like it is done in opposition 480 00:20:41,585 --> 00:20:43,205 to the stereotype 481 00:20:44,145 --> 00:20:47,005 of power exchange often seen in porn 482 00:20:47,085 --> 00:20:48,925 because those are the examples most often 483 00:20:48,925 --> 00:20:49,965 fucking sided, right? 484 00:20:49,995 --> 00:20:51,205 That give people the ick. 485 00:20:51,205 --> 00:20:52,765 They're like, no, that's too extreme for me. Mm-Hmm. 486 00:20:52,805 --> 00:20:53,925 , that's too violent for me. 487 00:20:53,925 --> 00:20:55,525 That looks too painful. I don't want any of 488 00:20:55,525 --> 00:20:56,845 that without anybody going. 489 00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:01,925 But wait. You don't have to have any of that. 490 00:21:02,455 --> 00:21:03,485 Those people, Mm-Hmm. 491 00:21:03,525 --> 00:21:06,405 communicated, negotiated, consented. 492 00:21:06,495 --> 00:21:08,325 There is very likely, uh, 493 00:21:08,645 --> 00:21:12,005 a very strict safety protocol in place to mitigate 494 00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:13,525 and manage risk as much as possible. 495 00:21:13,525 --> 00:21:15,325 Right? I'll bet. For fuck's sake. 496 00:21:15,325 --> 00:21:16,885 There's a shit ton of aftercare 497 00:21:17,095 --> 00:21:19,165 after somebody gets the shit beaten outta 'em. 498 00:21:19,165 --> 00:21:20,165 But because you didn't see that 499 00:21:20,265 --> 00:21:21,765 and somebody didn't hold your little hand 500 00:21:21,765 --> 00:21:24,685 and walk you through all the aspects of BDSM, 501 00:21:24,865 --> 00:21:26,485 you should have gone to places like Loving 502 00:21:26,605 --> 00:21:28,085 BDSM or the Pink King Podcast. 503 00:21:28,585 --> 00:21:30,245 We could have fucking told you that. 504 00:21:30,545 --> 00:21:32,405 All of these things that you think you're not 505 00:21:32,405 --> 00:21:33,685 seeing are there. 506 00:21:34,265 --> 00:21:36,925 And what you see is this one little slice Mm-Hmm. 507 00:21:37,185 --> 00:21:38,605 Of life example. Yep. 508 00:21:38,635 --> 00:21:42,405 Even in porn of what BD SM can be does not mean that 509 00:21:42,405 --> 00:21:43,485 that's the end all be all. 510 00:21:43,505 --> 00:21:45,325 Let us, let us put our thinking caps on. 511 00:21:45,715 --> 00:21:47,405 Porn shows us one type of sex. 512 00:21:47,465 --> 00:21:49,165 But those of us who have sexual experience, 513 00:21:49,265 --> 00:21:50,645 I'm not talking about kids 514 00:21:50,645 --> 00:21:52,525 and young people who have no sexual experience 515 00:21:52,525 --> 00:21:53,965 that maybe shouldn't be watching porn yet. 516 00:21:54,085 --> 00:21:55,365 'cause they're probably underage. I'm talking 517 00:21:55,365 --> 00:21:56,485 about those of us who've had experience. 518 00:21:56,785 --> 00:21:59,925 No, that, that one little scene we just saw in a porn clip 519 00:21:59,945 --> 00:22:01,485 and the only fucking way to have sex. 520 00:22:01,505 --> 00:22:02,885 Why? 'cause we've had sex before. 521 00:22:03,265 --> 00:22:04,485 So we've had the experience 522 00:22:04,705 --> 00:22:09,085 and yet nobody takes that thought process and applies it. 523 00:22:09,085 --> 00:22:10,525 Mm-Hmm. to bdsm. 524 00:22:10,525 --> 00:22:13,605 They go, this one porn clip that I just happened to see over 525 00:22:13,605 --> 00:22:15,525 and over again, which I've got questions about your porn 526 00:22:15,525 --> 00:22:17,365 habits, if that's what you're seeing over and over again. 527 00:22:17,365 --> 00:22:18,805 But that's a different conversation. Mm-Hmm. 528 00:22:18,845 --> 00:22:20,245 That is what it must be. 529 00:22:20,245 --> 00:22:21,365 And it can't be anything else. 530 00:22:21,585 --> 00:22:24,725 And so I who discovered my kinky self on TikTok, 531 00:22:24,725 --> 00:22:27,045 and I think that's great because we all learn from different 532 00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:28,565 places and at different times in life, 533 00:22:28,665 --> 00:22:30,405 and we all gotta enter the community in 534 00:22:30,405 --> 00:22:31,445 some way at some time. 535 00:22:31,785 --> 00:22:33,525 But I saw that term here 536 00:22:33,985 --> 00:22:36,645 and I don't have enough context to know 537 00:22:36,745 --> 00:22:39,005 how the whole fucking community actually works. 538 00:22:39,725 --> 00:22:42,965 I think that that is what air quote good dominance is. 539 00:22:42,965 --> 00:22:45,205 And so anything else that does not fall under this 540 00:22:45,455 --> 00:22:47,685 definition, big fat air, quotes 541 00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:50,645 of pleasure Dom means it's everything other than this. 542 00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:53,285 And only pleasure doms follow these fucking rules. 543 00:22:53,425 --> 00:22:56,405 And that is bullshit. Okay. 544 00:22:58,625 --> 00:23:02,365 My skin is so hot right now. . And you 545 00:23:02,825 --> 00:23:07,805 - Did, - Did I say we 546 00:23:07,805 --> 00:23:09,725 should do this episode so that I can have a reason 547 00:23:09,745 --> 00:23:11,445 to yell into a microphone? Maybe 548 00:23:12,075 --> 00:23:13,075 - Good possibility. 549 00:23:13,665 --> 00:23:17,445 So , 550 00:23:17,845 --> 00:23:20,325 - I needed to find, catch my breath. Thoughts 551 00:23:21,125 --> 00:23:22,125 - . 552 00:23:22,125 --> 00:23:22,525 Jimmy, what 553 00:23:22,525 --> 00:23:23,525 - Thoughts do you have? 554 00:23:24,395 --> 00:23:28,045 - Well, you know, one, 555 00:23:28,145 --> 00:23:31,525 one thing I have been thinking about in all this, 556 00:23:33,985 --> 00:23:37,845 you know, years, years ago 557 00:23:39,375 --> 00:23:43,885 there was a new term that came out in the BDSM lifestyle 558 00:23:45,785 --> 00:23:48,685 and everybody was like, what? 559 00:23:50,155 --> 00:23:52,125 What is this? We don't like this. 560 00:23:52,425 --> 00:23:56,885 Who, how you know, it's called daddy dom? Mm. 561 00:23:58,475 --> 00:24:00,725 Okay. Mm-Hmm. . So, you know, there, there, 562 00:24:00,725 --> 00:24:04,885 there was a time that being a daddy dom was 563 00:24:04,885 --> 00:24:06,445 like, you're a what? 564 00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:08,965 Right? What, what does that even mean? Okay. 565 00:24:09,465 --> 00:24:11,805 So is this now just the 566 00:24:13,115 --> 00:24:15,125 new-ish thing? 567 00:24:15,945 --> 00:24:20,045 - And I I cannot currently see how it could be 568 00:24:20,235 --> 00:24:23,765 because the definitions of actual, 569 00:24:23,765 --> 00:24:25,485 when you define actual dominance 570 00:24:25,505 --> 00:24:29,685 and then you add in the word pleasure, are so broad as 571 00:24:29,685 --> 00:24:30,885 to render it meaningless. 572 00:24:30,885 --> 00:24:33,085 Because to say that you are a pleasure dom 573 00:24:33,085 --> 00:24:35,005 because you care about your partner's pleasure, 574 00:24:35,025 --> 00:24:37,405 and you make sure that they experience pleasure Yeah. 575 00:24:37,875 --> 00:24:40,965 Implies that every other kind of dom does not, 576 00:24:40,995 --> 00:24:41,845 - Does not, yeah. And 577 00:24:42,145 --> 00:24:44,085 - The misunderstanding of 578 00:24:44,085 --> 00:24:46,205 what those other dom types are sadist, 579 00:24:46,205 --> 00:24:48,285 which are not always dom sadist can be taught. 580 00:24:48,285 --> 00:24:52,725 Right. But a sadistic dom or sadistic daddy. Okay? Yes. 581 00:24:52,745 --> 00:24:54,085 The definition of sadist is 582 00:24:54,085 --> 00:24:55,525 that you get pleasure from providing pain, 583 00:24:55,705 --> 00:24:59,725 but the responsible ethical thing is you go find a masochist 584 00:25:00,505 --> 00:25:01,805 who either enjoys the pain 585 00:25:01,805 --> 00:25:03,445 or you find a partner who is willing 586 00:25:03,445 --> 00:25:05,045 to submit to the pain because 587 00:25:05,505 --> 00:25:06,505 - Brings Yeah. 588 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:08,085 You don't just do it to anybody that 589 00:25:08,085 --> 00:25:10,405 - Brings, they get pleasure from having submitted 590 00:25:10,405 --> 00:25:12,685 to their partner and let their partner do a thing they like. 591 00:25:12,685 --> 00:25:15,485 But guess what? Regardless of who is on the bottom of 592 00:25:15,555 --> 00:25:17,325 what the sadist is fucking doing, 593 00:25:17,525 --> 00:25:19,205 everybody is getting something from it. 594 00:25:19,495 --> 00:25:20,725 There is pleasure. 595 00:25:20,945 --> 00:25:24,405 It just might not look like screaming fucking orgasms. 596 00:25:24,405 --> 00:25:26,485 Mm-Hmm. , which there are too many people 597 00:25:26,505 --> 00:25:27,565 who think that the only kind 598 00:25:27,565 --> 00:25:28,885 of pleasure there is to gain Yeah. 599 00:25:28,955 --> 00:25:32,005 From anything sex or kink is orgasms. 600 00:25:32,005 --> 00:25:33,765 - There, there are absolutely times 601 00:25:35,395 --> 00:25:37,485 when I get my pleasure 602 00:25:40,835 --> 00:25:43,365 from giving you pleasure. 603 00:25:44,995 --> 00:25:46,125 Okay? Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. , you 604 00:25:46,125 --> 00:25:48,885 know, like, like the, uh, I can't, I can't think of the, 605 00:25:49,065 --> 00:25:51,045 the, the song I get off on. 606 00:25:51,045 --> 00:25:53,245 You getting off on me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Thing. 607 00:25:53,605 --> 00:25:54,605 I can't think of a song, but I know what 608 00:25:54,605 --> 00:25:54,965 you're talking about. 609 00:25:54,965 --> 00:25:57,445 Yeah. You know what I'm so, you know, there, there, 610 00:25:57,455 --> 00:25:58,685 there is definitely that. 611 00:25:59,185 --> 00:26:02,325 But you know, then there are times when I just want 612 00:26:02,325 --> 00:26:06,365 to grab something and, and open up a can of whoop 613 00:26:06,465 --> 00:26:07,465 - Ass. 614 00:26:07,465 --> 00:26:09,005 But here's the thing, you are getting your pleasure 615 00:26:09,005 --> 00:26:10,405 and you were doing it with a willing partner 616 00:26:10,475 --> 00:26:12,525 that one you respect my boundaries and limits. 617 00:26:12,555 --> 00:26:14,885 Yeah. So you're not gonna go over those. 618 00:26:15,185 --> 00:26:17,125 So as long as you're staying within my boundaries and limits 619 00:26:17,145 --> 00:26:19,725 and doing it to a consenting willing partner Mm-Hmm. 620 00:26:19,765 --> 00:26:21,205 , I'm gaining pleasure 621 00:26:21,825 --> 00:26:22,845 for a variety of reasons. 622 00:26:22,895 --> 00:26:24,245 Maybe I'm gaining pleasure from 623 00:26:24,245 --> 00:26:25,365 the sensation that you're providing. 624 00:26:25,365 --> 00:26:27,565 Sure. Maybe I'm gaining pleasure from the amount of power 625 00:26:27,665 --> 00:26:29,325 and control that you are taking in the moment. 626 00:26:29,455 --> 00:26:31,565 Maybe I'm getting pleasure simply 627 00:26:31,565 --> 00:26:33,565 because I know you're having a good time. 628 00:26:34,115 --> 00:26:35,805 It's all fucking pleasure. 629 00:26:36,395 --> 00:26:37,605 - Yeah. - So 630 00:26:38,315 --> 00:26:41,925 what the fuck does a pleasure dom actually mean when every 631 00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:44,605 pairing in power change or more than a pair, you know? 632 00:26:44,605 --> 00:26:47,245 Mm-Hmm. threesomes and more trios. 633 00:26:47,245 --> 00:26:49,645 And I can't think of numbers higher as that. So 634 00:26:49,645 --> 00:26:51,925 - Then in that case, isn't the name apt pleasure 635 00:26:51,945 --> 00:26:53,245 Dom? 'cause everybody's getting pleasure, 636 00:26:53,385 --> 00:26:55,325 - But it, it's rendered meaningless. 637 00:26:55,325 --> 00:26:56,445 You did that on purpose. 638 00:26:56,885 --> 00:26:59,925 , would you like to stop being known 639 00:26:59,925 --> 00:27:01,445 as a sadist and a daddy dom? 640 00:27:01,445 --> 00:27:03,485 And I'll just call you a pleasure. Dom does a pleasure. 641 00:27:03,505 --> 00:27:07,445 Dom describe in any way with any, um, 642 00:27:08,225 --> 00:27:10,285 detail what kind of dom you are. 643 00:27:10,285 --> 00:27:12,725 - Makes me, makes me feel like I'm out for hire. . 644 00:27:14,145 --> 00:27:17,485 - I'm not above hiring your ass out. Okay. 645 00:27:17,855 --> 00:27:21,885 Don't you even worry, . That's, that's the point. 646 00:27:22,205 --> 00:27:24,605 I think if somebody just really resonates 647 00:27:24,605 --> 00:27:26,445 with the term, fucking use it. 648 00:27:26,445 --> 00:27:28,525 Yeah. But I think you have to be realistic about 649 00:27:28,525 --> 00:27:29,565 what you're actually saying. 650 00:27:29,715 --> 00:27:32,165 Because if you are a pleasure Dom 651 00:27:32,425 --> 00:27:35,605 and JB is a sadistic daddy dom, does 652 00:27:35,605 --> 00:27:39,045 that mean he's not providing pleasure to his partner? 653 00:27:39,155 --> 00:27:40,845 Yeah, of course it doesn't. 654 00:27:41,065 --> 00:27:42,925 So that's where the term really bothers me. 655 00:27:42,925 --> 00:27:46,325 Now, I can get into, I think there's an argument to be made 656 00:27:46,345 --> 00:27:50,125 and a a, a rant somewhere about the fact 657 00:27:50,125 --> 00:27:53,605 that this term seems to have originated from cis het couples 658 00:27:53,865 --> 00:27:58,365 who are like, let's, let's focus on the woman's orgasm. 659 00:27:58,365 --> 00:28:00,805 Like, look, anything that focuses in a heterosexual 660 00:28:01,365 --> 00:28:05,565 situation on the female partner's orgasms, we're, 661 00:28:05,815 --> 00:28:07,685 we're moving forward in some way. 662 00:28:08,585 --> 00:28:13,165 But please do not try to sell me on a kink term 663 00:28:14,355 --> 00:28:18,805 that specifically focuses on female orgasms. 664 00:28:18,825 --> 00:28:20,525 Mm-Hmm. , whatever the fuck that means. 665 00:28:21,625 --> 00:28:23,565 And then try and say that that is a term 666 00:28:23,565 --> 00:28:26,445 that is somehow supposed to work for the entire kink world. 667 00:28:26,465 --> 00:28:29,805 Mm-Hmm. . Or that by focusing on let's be real, 668 00:28:29,925 --> 00:28:31,485 a person with a fucking vulvas 669 00:28:31,505 --> 00:28:36,005 or orgasms the g-spot, whatever orgasms that 670 00:28:36,005 --> 00:28:38,085 that somehow makes you special and unique 671 00:28:39,105 --> 00:28:42,285 and that makes you a pleasure, Dom, but nobody else does. 672 00:28:42,285 --> 00:28:45,765 Because now we're acting like nobody else in kink 673 00:28:45,985 --> 00:28:50,605 or insects ever is focusing on those kinds 674 00:28:50,605 --> 00:28:53,325 of orgasms and centering those kinds of orgasms. 675 00:28:53,325 --> 00:28:54,365 Mm-Hmm. , I feel like at 676 00:28:54,365 --> 00:28:56,805 that point you're fucking telling on yourself, it is 677 00:28:56,865 --> 00:29:00,765 so unusual to focus on those orgasms 678 00:29:00,995 --> 00:29:05,365 that it's a kink orgasm, excuse me. 679 00:29:05,365 --> 00:29:07,805 Control kink, playing with orgasms. 680 00:29:08,805 --> 00:29:10,045 Pleasure, sexual pleasure, 681 00:29:10,045 --> 00:29:12,965 sexual gratification can be a part of your kink life. 682 00:29:12,965 --> 00:29:14,565 - Sure. Denial, edging any of that. 683 00:29:15,145 --> 00:29:18,525 - And you can focus your kink life on sex, that's fine. 684 00:29:19,425 --> 00:29:20,605 But do not come to me 685 00:29:20,865 --> 00:29:23,365 and tell me nothing about how you're leading, 686 00:29:23,365 --> 00:29:25,525 taking control, or have power over somebody. 687 00:29:25,665 --> 00:29:28,165 And that the most unique element of this is, oh look, 688 00:29:28,185 --> 00:29:30,845 my woman finally got to come more than once. 689 00:29:31,065 --> 00:29:34,245 And I knew it. I was aware and present for it. 690 00:29:34,385 --> 00:29:35,405 And every other fucking time 691 00:29:35,405 --> 00:29:36,805 before we found this air quote kink, 692 00:29:37,285 --> 00:29:38,605 I didn't know I had to ask. 693 00:29:38,665 --> 00:29:41,510 And the real reason thing I want you to know is if you have 694 00:29:41,510 --> 00:29:44,245 to ask if she came 99.9% 695 00:29:44,245 --> 00:29:45,325 of the time, no the fuck she didn't. 696 00:29:45,345 --> 00:29:46,485 And you were not rubbing her 697 00:29:46,485 --> 00:29:47,645 clit, you were rubbing her thigh. 698 00:29:47,905 --> 00:29:49,165 That's a whole different story 699 00:29:49,305 --> 00:29:50,765 for a whole different audience. Woo. 700 00:29:51,205 --> 00:29:55,285 - talk about being off the mark 701 00:29:56,185 --> 00:29:57,525 - It, I was thinking about this today 702 00:29:58,945 --> 00:30:01,165 and I knew I could not think too much about this episode 703 00:30:01,165 --> 00:30:02,445 because then I would mentally rant 704 00:30:02,445 --> 00:30:04,005 and then they would be gone and into the 705 00:30:04,005 --> 00:30:05,165 ether and I wouldn't have them for y'all. 706 00:30:05,165 --> 00:30:06,845 So Mm-Hmm. , there's a song 707 00:30:06,845 --> 00:30:08,085 by, I cannot remember who. 708 00:30:08,555 --> 00:30:09,885 It's, um, very popular 709 00:30:10,065 --> 00:30:13,085 as a soundbite on reels and tiktoks or whatever. 710 00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:14,485 And I don't remember who sings that. I don't remember 711 00:30:14,485 --> 00:30:16,365 what the fucking song's called, but the line goes, 712 00:30:17,425 --> 00:30:20,285 I'm vanilla baby, but I'll choke you. 713 00:30:21,025 --> 00:30:22,525 And this sort of reminds me of that. 714 00:30:22,525 --> 00:30:24,885 Every time I hear that line, I get so pissed off. Yeah, 715 00:30:25,075 --> 00:30:26,075 - Yeah. 716 00:30:26,075 --> 00:30:27,885 - We're playing breath play. But you think you're vanilla, 717 00:30:28,095 --> 00:30:29,095 - Right? 718 00:30:29,095 --> 00:30:31,165 - You are trying to control the, the amount 719 00:30:31,165 --> 00:30:34,285 of oxygen your partner takes in or lets out 720 00:30:34,285 --> 00:30:35,885 and you think you're vanilla. 721 00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:40,045 This is sort of like that to me when Evie in her video said, 722 00:30:40,045 --> 00:30:41,445 yeah, it was either Evie said it 723 00:30:41,445 --> 00:30:44,685 or somebody in her comment said, this is the ification 724 00:30:45,305 --> 00:30:48,125 of kink and it's vanilla people finding something 725 00:30:48,125 --> 00:30:49,245 that they think Mm-Hmm. 726 00:30:49,285 --> 00:30:51,645 is unique. And so it's a kink. Now. 727 00:30:51,705 --> 00:30:54,485 Now, look, I don't have anything against vanilla 728 00:30:54,485 --> 00:30:55,605 folk, non kinky folk. 729 00:30:55,965 --> 00:30:57,965 I also think that sometimes non kinky 730 00:30:57,965 --> 00:30:59,085 folk are more kinky than they realize. 731 00:30:59,085 --> 00:31:01,205 They're just maybe not ready to embrace that language. 732 00:31:01,205 --> 00:31:02,725 And maybe they never will and they'll just do shit 733 00:31:02,725 --> 00:31:04,725 that those of us in kink are gonna go, 734 00:31:04,825 --> 00:31:06,005 eh, that's kind of kinky. 735 00:31:06,345 --> 00:31:09,565 But this, I don't know. I don't know. 736 00:31:09,665 --> 00:31:13,445 I'm, I'm so hot that my brain is overheating 737 00:31:13,505 --> 00:31:14,845 and I can't think straight anymore. 738 00:31:14,915 --> 00:31:17,885 - Okay. You, you, you brought up an interesting point there. 739 00:31:18,585 --> 00:31:21,885 The vilification of kink. Mm-Hmm. . Alright. 740 00:31:22,425 --> 00:31:26,925 So within all this, is this a possibility that with this 741 00:31:27,445 --> 00:31:31,685 pleasure dom title, um, 742 00:31:34,465 --> 00:31:36,245 it is that portion of it. 743 00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:41,925 So does that mean okay, some of this terminology, 744 00:31:42,105 --> 00:31:44,165 the way things look is going to change, 745 00:31:44,585 --> 00:31:46,205 but it's becoming more mainstream? 746 00:31:47,925 --> 00:31:52,845 - I would say Yes. Okay. Or maybe, or we're getting there. 747 00:31:53,025 --> 00:31:55,285 Mm-Hmm. if the way pleasure dom 748 00:31:55,305 --> 00:31:58,365 as a is defined as a separate entity from any other kind 749 00:31:58,365 --> 00:32:01,325 of dom was not literally all the good qualities 750 00:32:01,345 --> 00:32:03,925 of all dominance everywhere all the time. 751 00:32:05,445 --> 00:32:10,045 I think that by trying to make pleasure dom some kind 752 00:32:10,045 --> 00:32:11,325 of separate entity 753 00:32:11,595 --> 00:32:15,285 that is completely unlike any other dom out 754 00:32:15,285 --> 00:32:17,325 there, that is the problem. 755 00:32:17,995 --> 00:32:20,725 Because we already have a problem in the king community. 756 00:32:20,725 --> 00:32:21,885 Many problems in the king community, 757 00:32:21,885 --> 00:32:23,925 but from, from the aspect of trying to like, 758 00:32:23,925 --> 00:32:25,965 help people figure their themselves out 759 00:32:26,225 --> 00:32:28,765 and be comfortable in their power exchange. 760 00:32:28,915 --> 00:32:31,045 Yeah. We already have a problem where plenty 761 00:32:31,045 --> 00:32:33,645 of people see a stereotype of kink, 762 00:32:34,045 --> 00:32:35,565 I was just yelling about it a few minutes ago 763 00:32:35,565 --> 00:32:37,325 and think, well, I'm not kinky because I'm not like that. 764 00:32:37,785 --> 00:32:40,125 Or the people who are trying to have a power exchange 765 00:32:40,125 --> 00:32:42,765 or be kinky and think that they're failing Mm-Hmm. 766 00:32:42,845 --> 00:32:45,725 because it's, they're not able to do it 767 00:32:45,785 --> 00:32:47,445 and be happy with the stereotype. 768 00:32:47,445 --> 00:32:49,165 And it is when that they, they discover 769 00:32:49,395 --> 00:32:51,085 that they can make dominance 770 00:32:51,085 --> 00:32:52,965 and submission mean whatever they need it to mean. 771 00:32:53,065 --> 00:32:55,885 And they can pull from every title and every label 772 00:32:55,945 --> 00:32:57,965 and every part of kink 773 00:32:58,345 --> 00:33:02,125 to craft the most unique personalized experience 774 00:33:02,425 --> 00:33:03,525 for them and their partner. 775 00:33:03,745 --> 00:33:07,125 And that gets to be just as valid as anybody else's. Mm-Hmm. 776 00:33:07,165 --> 00:33:10,285 , when you have a definition of pleasure, dom 777 00:33:10,475 --> 00:33:13,405 that either says nothing about power 778 00:33:13,465 --> 00:33:15,925 and control, it's like, look, I found the clit 779 00:33:16,085 --> 00:33:18,285 and I rubbed it a few times, and aren't I a genius? 780 00:33:18,625 --> 00:33:23,045 That's either one definition or the most popular definition. 781 00:33:23,545 --> 00:33:26,085 It literally defines all dominance everywhere. 782 00:33:26,085 --> 00:33:28,565 But does not say that all of these qualities apply 783 00:33:28,565 --> 00:33:29,765 to all dominance 784 00:33:30,305 --> 00:33:32,245 and implies that every other kind 785 00:33:32,245 --> 00:33:33,805 of dominance isn't caring 786 00:33:33,805 --> 00:33:35,005 about the pleasure of their partner. 787 00:33:35,155 --> 00:33:37,045 That does a disservice to all of kink. 788 00:33:37,185 --> 00:33:39,525 And it perpetuates the stereotypes that it's all violent 789 00:33:39,705 --> 00:33:41,765 and it's all abuse and it's all anti-woman 790 00:33:41,825 --> 00:33:43,165 and it's all anti-feminist 791 00:33:43,425 --> 00:33:45,725 and us brainless little female subs. 792 00:33:45,725 --> 00:33:47,525 We are just letting ourselves get abused all the time. 793 00:33:47,725 --> 00:33:49,045 'cause we don't know better. And 794 00:33:49,045 --> 00:33:50,125 it takes away agency from us. 795 00:33:50,125 --> 00:33:54,525 And it's just this huge cluster fuck of bullshit 796 00:33:56,145 --> 00:34:00,365 now could sters with the understanding 797 00:34:00,365 --> 00:34:01,565 of BDSM and the nuance. 798 00:34:01,565 --> 00:34:02,645 And I don't mean us, I mean 799 00:34:02,965 --> 00:34:04,005 somebody else 'cause this Mm-Hmm. 800 00:34:04,045 --> 00:34:06,085 the more I think about this 801 00:34:06,085 --> 00:34:07,525 term, the hotter I get. 802 00:34:07,525 --> 00:34:11,365 So I'm not the one could somebody somewhere where 803 00:34:12,375 --> 00:34:15,645 maybe eventually come up with a definition 804 00:34:16,435 --> 00:34:17,685 that I might never use, 805 00:34:17,865 --> 00:34:20,885 but that does not make my asshole clinch. 806 00:34:21,155 --> 00:34:23,365 Yeah. Yeah. Because language evolves 807 00:34:23,425 --> 00:34:25,725 and the understanding of terms evolves. 808 00:34:25,725 --> 00:34:28,405 Right. So it can start off on TikTok 809 00:34:28,425 --> 00:34:32,725 and mean, oh look, I found the clit and I used it. 810 00:34:33,385 --> 00:34:35,605 And then become something more nuanced. 811 00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:38,765 The problem I have with 812 00:34:40,505 --> 00:34:43,245 the big definition where it's top page of Google 813 00:34:43,625 --> 00:34:45,445 and it's defining pleasure dom 814 00:34:45,445 --> 00:34:46,965 with every other characteristic 815 00:34:46,965 --> 00:34:49,165 of every other good dom out there. 816 00:34:49,185 --> 00:34:50,285 Mm-Hmm. . That's, 817 00:34:50,285 --> 00:34:51,605 that's not the nuance we need. 818 00:34:51,875 --> 00:34:55,445 Because the implication, if you don't know better, is that, 819 00:34:55,445 --> 00:34:57,325 oh, only pleasure Doms behave this way. 820 00:34:58,555 --> 00:35:01,325 Only pleasure Doms care about the pleasure of their partner. 821 00:35:01,635 --> 00:35:06,485 Only pleasure Doms have empathy. What? 822 00:35:06,875 --> 00:35:09,005 - Yeah. Yeah. No, I, I I understand 823 00:35:09,005 --> 00:35:11,565 - The entire, the entire world of, of power exchange 824 00:35:11,585 --> 00:35:13,325 and really all king topping and bottoming. 825 00:35:13,425 --> 00:35:15,285 But I'm, we're focused on power exchange. Okay. Mm-Hmm. 826 00:35:15,425 --> 00:35:20,165 The entire concept of power exchange requires empathy. 827 00:35:20,595 --> 00:35:21,965 Sure. From both sides of 828 00:35:22,165 --> 00:35:23,925 - Absolutely. Yeah. So I 829 00:35:23,925 --> 00:35:28,125 - Don't need a term to get defined as the sole arbiter 830 00:35:28,125 --> 00:35:31,045 of fucking empathy or pleasure. 831 00:35:31,045 --> 00:35:32,605 Mm-Hmm. quite frankly. Yeah. 832 00:35:32,605 --> 00:35:34,565 Because like, the more I think about, wait, 833 00:35:34,565 --> 00:35:37,925 you're acting like his sadistic ass beaten on me. 834 00:35:38,345 --> 00:35:41,605 Did not make my masochistic self just 835 00:35:42,785 --> 00:35:44,885 giggle and smile. 836 00:35:45,145 --> 00:35:48,285 Mm-Hmm. and feel so fucking good and seen. 837 00:35:50,185 --> 00:35:52,645 You're saying my, my pleasure is not pleasure. 838 00:35:52,645 --> 00:35:55,245 And the pleasure is, is defined under pleasure, 839 00:35:55,465 --> 00:35:57,445 Dom is the air quote, real pleasure. 840 00:35:57,445 --> 00:36:00,805 Mm-Hmm. And the rest of us just are what? Yeah. 841 00:36:01,685 --> 00:36:05,165 - I mean, alright. I, I'm, I'm gonna say something. 842 00:36:05,165 --> 00:36:09,125 It probably won't be maybe a very popular opinion. 843 00:36:09,185 --> 00:36:11,325 So get ready. I may set her off . 844 00:36:12,445 --> 00:36:13,525 - I don't know. I'm getting, I'm getting 845 00:36:13,525 --> 00:36:14,565 kind of tired. So it's like, 846 00:36:14,565 --> 00:36:15,565 - Ooh. 847 00:36:15,565 --> 00:36:18,085 I, I mean, while I am not fond of 848 00:36:19,345 --> 00:36:20,645 the moniker Mm-Hmm. 849 00:36:20,685 --> 00:36:25,485 . Alright. If people are searching out the 850 00:36:25,485 --> 00:36:26,845 term pleasure dom 851 00:36:27,865 --> 00:36:32,485 and finding information like, like this website Okay. 852 00:36:34,225 --> 00:36:37,885 And, and seeing all the attributes that a dominant 853 00:36:38,585 --> 00:36:43,165 should possess, is that necessarily a terrible thing? 854 00:36:43,435 --> 00:36:45,125 - What happens when they figure out their sadistic? 855 00:36:45,745 --> 00:36:46,885 Do they then throw all that out? 856 00:36:46,965 --> 00:36:48,525 'cause it doesn't match up with their pleasure do themself? 857 00:36:48,755 --> 00:36:50,165 They go, oh, well I don't have to be empathetic. 858 00:36:50,185 --> 00:36:51,645 That's my pleasure Dom side, 859 00:36:51,745 --> 00:36:53,965 but my sadist, he's a rap bastard 860 00:36:53,985 --> 00:36:55,125 and I get to be a rap bastard 861 00:36:55,125 --> 00:36:56,245 and I don't have to care when I'm, 862 00:36:56,245 --> 00:36:57,805 - Well, I'm a rap bastard too when I'm a s sadist, but I 863 00:36:57,805 --> 00:36:59,125 - Have, but you still fucking care about me. 864 00:36:59,645 --> 00:37:02,445 Absolutely. Right. Nothing in that definition. 865 00:37:02,525 --> 00:37:04,485 I don't, I just need an asterisk that says, by the way, 866 00:37:04,485 --> 00:37:05,565 all Doms should do this. 867 00:37:05,925 --> 00:37:07,205 - I don't wanna break my toys. 868 00:37:07,325 --> 00:37:09,405 I like to keep playing with 'em. And you fucking 869 00:37:09,405 --> 00:37:10,885 - Care about me and you love me. 870 00:37:10,905 --> 00:37:12,525 And outside of the moment when the sadist, 871 00:37:12,525 --> 00:37:15,685 the inner sadist takes over, like, 872 00:37:15,785 --> 00:37:19,885 if you let your sadistic side go with no care for me, like, 873 00:37:19,885 --> 00:37:20,885 first of all, cannot imagine 874 00:37:20,885 --> 00:37:22,005 it 'cause you're not wired that way. 875 00:37:22,005 --> 00:37:23,045 But let's say mm-Hmm. 876 00:37:23,085 --> 00:37:25,045 radioactive spider bites you. 877 00:37:25,045 --> 00:37:26,605 And that's the superpower, right? 878 00:37:27,645 --> 00:37:31,525 the webs, it's bondage webs fine. 879 00:37:32,745 --> 00:37:36,325 But here's the thing if for, for even a blip of time Mm-Hmm. 880 00:37:36,365 --> 00:37:37,925 , you lost your goddamn mind. 881 00:37:37,945 --> 00:37:41,205 And the sadist took over with no empathy, no care for me. 882 00:37:41,385 --> 00:37:43,805 And all of the ridiculous stereotypes 883 00:37:43,805 --> 00:37:45,685 that too many people think about certain 884 00:37:45,685 --> 00:37:46,845 parts of the kink life. 885 00:37:46,875 --> 00:37:49,965 Yeah. And you did not bring me pleasure 886 00:37:50,505 --> 00:37:52,525 and quite frankly, brought the opposite of pleasure. 887 00:37:52,525 --> 00:37:54,285 Mm-Hmm. . And then when you come back 888 00:37:54,285 --> 00:37:56,405 to yourself, 'cause every good, you know, person going 889 00:37:56,405 --> 00:37:57,925 through the radioactive spider bite , 890 00:37:57,925 --> 00:37:59,125 they come back to themselves eventually. 891 00:37:59,125 --> 00:38:00,325 Right? Right. Yeah. Okay. 892 00:38:00,825 --> 00:38:04,165 You would be devastated to find out 893 00:38:04,165 --> 00:38:05,205 that you did a thing that Yeah. 894 00:38:05,205 --> 00:38:08,005 You got total pleasure from. And I was harmed by it. Right. 895 00:38:08,285 --> 00:38:09,285 I was upset by it. 896 00:38:09,645 --> 00:38:12,845 I was scared of you in a not consensual way. 897 00:38:14,985 --> 00:38:18,205 That's the thing, telling people that this is 898 00:38:18,205 --> 00:38:19,925 what dominance is, all of those Mm-Hmm. 899 00:38:19,965 --> 00:38:21,005 characteristics and 900 00:38:21,005 --> 00:38:22,205 qualities and responsibilities. 901 00:38:22,665 --> 00:38:27,005 Yes. But it should not be characterized 902 00:38:27,585 --> 00:38:30,165 as the sole domain of pleasure, Dom. 903 00:38:30,875 --> 00:38:33,085 - True. - Because what that means is 904 00:38:33,085 --> 00:38:34,805 that person who's like, oh, I'm a pleasure dom, 905 00:38:35,025 --> 00:38:36,525 and this, all of this resonates me. 906 00:38:36,545 --> 00:38:39,365 And hey, I'm, I'm glad I want somebody who's trying 907 00:38:39,365 --> 00:38:42,125 to dominate another human being to look at the things 908 00:38:42,275 --> 00:38:43,685 that are defining characteristics 909 00:38:43,685 --> 00:38:45,685 and responsibilities of dominance 910 00:38:45,685 --> 00:38:47,565 and go, I am willing to do that. 911 00:38:47,645 --> 00:38:49,845 I can do that. I'll learn those skills. This is right to me. 912 00:38:50,285 --> 00:38:52,485 I, I want every dominant to think that Mm-Hmm. 913 00:38:52,525 --> 00:38:54,245 . However, as you 914 00:38:54,245 --> 00:38:55,845 and I, well know, 915 00:38:56,915 --> 00:39:00,885 very rarely is somebody a singular type of thing in kink. 916 00:39:01,305 --> 00:39:03,485 You start off that way because you don't know shit yet. 917 00:39:03,485 --> 00:39:05,205 And then you discover, Hey, I like sensations. 918 00:39:05,445 --> 00:39:06,965 I like these sensations, but not those. 919 00:39:07,165 --> 00:39:08,525 I like to do these things, but not those. 920 00:39:08,825 --> 00:39:11,085 And then our definitions expand. 921 00:39:11,185 --> 00:39:13,005 Our labels will sometimes expand. 922 00:39:13,345 --> 00:39:16,285 So if this is the definition of pleasure, dom Mm-Hmm. 923 00:39:16,325 --> 00:39:17,165 . And it's the only definition 924 00:39:17,165 --> 00:39:18,045 I've ever seen a pleasure dom. 925 00:39:18,045 --> 00:39:19,285 And it's the only way I've ever seen it defined. 926 00:39:19,915 --> 00:39:21,765 That means when I find my sadistic side 927 00:39:22,825 --> 00:39:24,485 or my rigor side Mm-Hmm. 928 00:39:24,525 --> 00:39:26,045 or my daddy's side, 929 00:39:26,985 --> 00:39:28,245 it doesn't, this doesn't apply. 930 00:39:28,305 --> 00:39:29,445 That's pleasure Dom. 931 00:39:29,585 --> 00:39:31,285 And I'm over here doing a different thing. 932 00:39:31,505 --> 00:39:33,805 And so now all of these responsible 933 00:39:34,675 --> 00:39:36,885 qualities, what does it mean? 934 00:39:36,885 --> 00:39:39,205 I can ignore, I would be terrified of a person 935 00:39:39,225 --> 00:39:41,245 who could read those things. 936 00:39:41,385 --> 00:39:42,765 Go, oh, that's what pleasure dom is. 937 00:39:42,825 --> 00:39:45,325 And then think that they could ignore it for sadism. Mm-Hmm. 938 00:39:45,365 --> 00:39:48,365 . But how many times do people think 939 00:39:48,365 --> 00:39:52,125 that sadist in kink are evil human beings 940 00:39:52,125 --> 00:39:54,525 that genuinely do not care about their partner's pleasure 941 00:39:54,715 --> 00:39:56,405 because they get pleasure from 942 00:39:56,405 --> 00:39:57,925 providing pain or causing pain? 943 00:39:58,105 --> 00:40:00,005 Yes. Mm-Hmm. to a person who wants 944 00:40:00,025 --> 00:40:01,965 to fucking receive it. True. 945 00:40:02,115 --> 00:40:03,925 - Very true. Very, very true. 946 00:40:03,985 --> 00:40:05,885 - And is getting their own form of pleasure 947 00:40:06,465 --> 00:40:08,045 by being on the receiving end. 948 00:40:08,145 --> 00:40:10,285 So yeah, it looks selfish from the 949 00:40:10,285 --> 00:40:12,565 outside if you just decide that the 950 00:40:13,145 --> 00:40:15,285 little s is a nonentity. Mm. 951 00:40:15,565 --> 00:40:19,485 - I But there, there's, yeah, it, it doesn't work that way. 952 00:40:19,885 --> 00:40:23,325 I mean, even, even like with rope, you know, the, the, 953 00:40:23,905 --> 00:40:27,285 the top, the rigor, they enjoy the, 954 00:40:30,325 --> 00:40:35,065 excuse me, they enjoy the aspect of tying somebody. 955 00:40:35,765 --> 00:40:40,105 All right. A rope bottom likes to be bound in rope. 956 00:40:40,105 --> 00:40:42,185 They like the feeling of the rope. 957 00:40:44,285 --> 00:40:48,185 So it's so, I don't know, maybe 958 00:40:49,605 --> 00:40:52,665 by definition of a pleasure, Dom, I'm not a real dom. 959 00:40:53,285 --> 00:40:54,305 - That's another thing. 960 00:40:55,015 --> 00:40:57,905 When, when we define things that narrowly mm-Hmm. 961 00:40:57,945 --> 00:40:59,425 , and we say, or re imply, 962 00:40:59,615 --> 00:41:02,665 it's only this one kind of thing, how would anybody else, 963 00:41:03,525 --> 00:41:05,745 they'd go, well, maybe I'm not, maybe I'm not a real dom. 964 00:41:05,745 --> 00:41:07,465 Mm-Hmm. , maybe dominance isn't for me 965 00:41:07,615 --> 00:41:10,625 because I identify with all these qualities, 966 00:41:10,625 --> 00:41:12,185 but I would never call myself that. 967 00:41:12,365 --> 00:41:14,745 And quite frankly, I think more people would probably call 968 00:41:14,745 --> 00:41:18,065 themselves that if we did not already have a lot of language 969 00:41:18,065 --> 00:41:20,305 that allows people to find very unique ways. 970 00:41:20,675 --> 00:41:22,145 Right? Mm-Hmm. . And 971 00:41:22,205 --> 00:41:24,865 or quite frankly, if all you ever called yourself was a 972 00:41:25,065 --> 00:41:29,065 dominant, it could still encompass sadism, caregiver 973 00:41:29,865 --> 00:41:30,425 - Pleasure. Sure. 974 00:41:31,045 --> 00:41:35,845 - But pleasure Dom makes it sound like anything 975 00:41:35,915 --> 00:41:37,925 outside of that is, 976 00:41:40,405 --> 00:41:43,845 I don't know, disappointment Dom, displeasure dom. 977 00:41:45,365 --> 00:41:48,245 I hate this in my, you know, consent is being violated. 978 00:41:48,505 --> 00:41:51,925 Dom, we got words for them. Those are abusers. Yeah. 979 00:41:51,925 --> 00:41:54,165 Those are this, you know what I mean? Like, right. 980 00:41:55,885 --> 00:41:57,725 I go back to I know it doesn't sound like it. 981 00:41:58,005 --> 00:41:59,045 'cause I really don't like the term. 982 00:41:59,785 --> 00:42:02,285 If you wanna call yourself a pleasure, mom, do you, okay. 983 00:42:03,385 --> 00:42:05,325 You get to define it for yourself in whatever way it means. 984 00:42:05,345 --> 00:42:09,205 But do not think for a second that you providing pleasure 985 00:42:09,205 --> 00:42:11,565 to your partner makes you fucking unique. 986 00:42:11,875 --> 00:42:14,645 Okay. The whole goddamn purpose of all 987 00:42:14,645 --> 00:42:16,565 of this is mutual pleasure. 988 00:42:16,865 --> 00:42:18,045 The pleasure will look different. 989 00:42:18,105 --> 00:42:19,445 The pleasure will come at different times. 990 00:42:19,635 --> 00:42:21,805 It's not always the moment you feel pleasure. 991 00:42:21,925 --> 00:42:23,045 I feel pleasure. Quite frankly, 992 00:42:23,045 --> 00:42:24,845 sometimes when you're feeling pleasure, 993 00:42:24,965 --> 00:42:28,445 'cause you're beating my ass, I'm going, can I handle this? 994 00:42:28,525 --> 00:42:29,685 Mm-Hmm. gritting my teeth. 995 00:42:29,785 --> 00:42:31,765 And what I look like is that I'm not experiencing pleasure, 996 00:42:31,825 --> 00:42:33,325 but there will come a point where I'm like, 997 00:42:33,475 --> 00:42:35,005 basking in fucking pleasure. 998 00:42:35,035 --> 00:42:37,445 Yeah. So, mm-Hmm. 999 00:42:37,485 --> 00:42:39,885 that I think there's, 1000 00:42:39,885 --> 00:42:41,285 there's the whole heteronormative. 1001 00:42:41,705 --> 00:42:43,765 Wow. I found orgasms for my woman thing. 1002 00:42:43,765 --> 00:42:48,565 Let's sort of troublesome to me on, on all the levels. 1003 00:42:49,265 --> 00:42:52,245 But the, the thing that grinds my goddamn gears 1004 00:42:52,945 --> 00:42:54,845 is this idea, excuse me, 1005 00:42:55,005 --> 00:42:57,605 I almost choked in my own spit this idea 1006 00:42:57,795 --> 00:43:00,525 that only the pleasure doms are providing pleasure. 1007 00:43:01,035 --> 00:43:02,725 Fuck you. Is what I say to that. 1008 00:43:06,835 --> 00:43:07,835 Fuck you. 1009 00:43:10,785 --> 00:43:12,005 - Say that again. I didn't catch it. 1010 00:43:12,475 --> 00:43:14,045 - Fuck you. - Okay. Thank you. 1011 00:43:14,425 --> 00:43:16,245 - Not you. I mean, , - I know 1012 00:43:16,945 --> 00:43:19,365 - If me telling you fuck you is going gonna get like 1013 00:43:19,515 --> 00:43:20,885 some kinky fuckery later. 1014 00:43:21,365 --> 00:43:23,005 I mean, consider it set. I won't say it again. 1015 00:43:23,005 --> 00:43:24,205 I'm not that crazy. Mm 1016 00:43:25,145 --> 00:43:26,145 - Mm Okay. 1017 00:43:26,235 --> 00:43:26,525 Okay. 1018 00:43:32,465 --> 00:43:37,245 You know, it's, it's, it's an, 1019 00:43:37,355 --> 00:43:40,365 it's another label thrown into the mix. 1020 00:43:40,785 --> 00:43:43,005 - It is, it is. And you know, there may come, 1021 00:43:43,085 --> 00:43:44,405 I keep telling myself, there may come a point 1022 00:43:44,405 --> 00:43:46,565 where somebody, where enough people use it 1023 00:43:46,585 --> 00:43:48,325 and it finds a more common definition. 1024 00:43:48,325 --> 00:43:51,085 Mm-Hmm. that does not piss me off. Yeah. 1025 00:43:51,665 --> 00:43:52,845 And even if it, if, 1026 00:43:52,845 --> 00:43:54,765 even if 20 years from now it's still out there 1027 00:43:54,765 --> 00:43:55,765 and it's still pissing me off, 1028 00:43:55,765 --> 00:43:57,485 I'll just be an old lady yelling under the sky. 1029 00:43:57,485 --> 00:43:59,405 Mm-Hmm. People still get to use it. 1030 00:43:59,405 --> 00:44:03,485 Because the thing is, is I call myself all kinds of terms 1031 00:44:03,625 --> 00:44:05,325 and other people would define those terms 1032 00:44:05,325 --> 00:44:06,365 differently than I define them. 1033 00:44:06,365 --> 00:44:07,525 And that gets to be okay. 1034 00:44:08,185 --> 00:44:12,045 So my big thing is think about how you're defining something 1035 00:44:12,185 --> 00:44:15,885 and think about when you add something into a definition 1036 00:44:16,665 --> 00:44:20,405 you are with, if you're not careful in how you explain it 1037 00:44:20,405 --> 00:44:22,965 and how you present it, and how you, you know, 1038 00:44:22,975 --> 00:44:24,005 share that information. 1039 00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:25,965 The implication is 1040 00:44:25,965 --> 00:44:29,085 that others are excluded from that definition. 1041 00:44:29,225 --> 00:44:32,005 That's the reason we have different terms, right? Mm-Hmm. 1042 00:44:32,045 --> 00:44:33,565 , there's a reason that daddy dom is not 1043 00:44:33,565 --> 00:44:34,565 necessarily the same as a master. 1044 00:44:34,585 --> 00:44:37,125 It can be, I've met a few people who are like, I'm a master 1045 00:44:37,225 --> 00:44:38,445 and a daddy and that's what I do. 1046 00:44:38,845 --> 00:44:41,805 'cause it's two parts that make me sure a whole dominant. 1047 00:44:41,905 --> 00:44:44,725 And you get to do that. And you can say, I'm a dominant 1048 00:44:44,745 --> 00:44:47,365 who focuses on my partner's pleasure, which to me, 1049 00:44:47,365 --> 00:44:50,445 within imply you do things often 1050 00:44:50,505 --> 00:44:53,245 or sometimes that don't give, bring you pleasure, 1051 00:44:53,245 --> 00:44:54,405 but you do them specifically for your 1052 00:44:54,405 --> 00:44:55,565 partner. And I think that's okay. 1053 00:44:56,145 --> 00:45:00,045 - Mm-Hmm. - That you get to do that. 1054 00:45:00,385 --> 00:45:04,045 But the, the current common definitions 1055 00:45:04,715 --> 00:45:06,005 that people who are trying 1056 00:45:06,005 --> 00:45:07,485 to figure themselves are gonna come 1057 00:45:07,485 --> 00:45:09,285 across, do not fucking cut it. 1058 00:45:09,315 --> 00:45:10,685 They do a disservice to the people 1059 00:45:10,705 --> 00:45:12,525 who are learning about power exchange. 1060 00:45:12,525 --> 00:45:14,965 They do a disservice to power exchange in general, 1061 00:45:15,145 --> 00:45:18,365 and they perpetuate stereotypes and that is the problem. 1062 00:45:18,865 --> 00:45:21,965 - Mm-Hmm. . Yep. Yep. 1063 00:45:23,365 --> 00:45:27,885 I mean, there, there are certain tenants of 1064 00:45:28,485 --> 00:45:31,925 BDSM, especially as a dominant, you know, what, 1065 00:45:31,925 --> 00:45:34,605 what you read from that, you know, 1066 00:45:35,735 --> 00:45:38,525 about the communication, about the empathy, about this, 1067 00:45:38,865 --> 00:45:43,465 you know, those are all basic tenants of 1068 00:45:43,855 --> 00:45:47,625 what it is to be a dominant, to be 1069 00:45:48,125 --> 00:45:49,505 - And to be a submissive. 1070 00:45:49,735 --> 00:45:51,025 Yeah. Let's be real there. 1071 00:45:51,125 --> 00:45:53,625 - No, it, it goes both ways. It, it absolutely does. 1072 00:45:55,325 --> 00:45:57,025 Ooh, does that mean you're a pleasure sub? 1073 00:45:57,805 --> 00:45:59,625 - Uh, that you know what? you 1074 00:45:59,625 --> 00:46:02,265 - Know what, - I would be hard pressed 1075 00:46:02,285 --> 00:46:04,705 to find any submissive who's not a, who's attached 1076 00:46:04,705 --> 00:46:06,865 to a dom who's not a pleasure sub because you know what? 1077 00:46:07,285 --> 00:46:08,505 It looks different in different ways 1078 00:46:08,845 --> 00:46:10,065 and we approach it in different ways. 1079 00:46:10,125 --> 00:46:13,265 But I have never met a submissive in a relationship 1080 00:46:13,525 --> 00:46:14,545 who did not try 1081 00:46:14,765 --> 00:46:16,745 to their very best extent, as often as possible. 1082 00:46:16,745 --> 00:46:18,225 Mm-Hmm. to put their partner's pleasure first. 1083 00:46:19,035 --> 00:46:20,985 Quite frankly, I spend a lot of time talking 1084 00:46:21,005 --> 00:46:23,105 to submissives going, hi, by the way, you have needs 1085 00:46:23,105 --> 00:46:24,385 and you get to experience pleasure. 1086 00:46:24,605 --> 00:46:26,345 Please tell your dom about your own needs. 1087 00:46:26,345 --> 00:46:30,665 Because a stereotype of submission is we are just there 1088 00:46:30,665 --> 00:46:31,905 for whatever our dom wants. 1089 00:46:32,045 --> 00:46:34,385 And you and I spend have spent 1090 00:46:34,525 --> 00:46:37,505 how many years since 20 fucking 15, trying 1091 00:46:37,505 --> 00:46:40,665 to help people understand that it is two sides of a coin. 1092 00:46:40,805 --> 00:46:41,905 Yes. Right? Yes. 1093 00:46:42,165 --> 00:46:44,465 The dom is in control, has the power, takes the lead. 1094 00:46:44,465 --> 00:46:45,425 Mm-Hmm. is the decider, 1095 00:46:45,425 --> 00:46:46,105 however you wanna do that. 1096 00:46:46,135 --> 00:46:48,425 Yeah. And yes, they're gonna do what they can to get 1097 00:46:48,425 --> 00:46:50,945 what they want within your boundaries, within consent. 1098 00:46:51,005 --> 00:46:53,105 Mm-Hmm. , but also submissives. 1099 00:46:53,105 --> 00:46:54,745 Get to get what they want to. 1100 00:46:55,055 --> 00:46:59,705 - Sure. And, and, you know, the whole thing with labels, 1101 00:47:00,165 --> 00:47:03,145 labels were very important to me in the beginning. 1102 00:47:03,605 --> 00:47:08,065 Yes. Okay. In, in discovering who I, I am, 1103 00:47:08,765 --> 00:47:12,265 you know, who, who I want to be, et cetera. 1104 00:47:13,165 --> 00:47:15,265 And it, it's just like anything else. 1105 00:47:15,455 --> 00:47:19,945 Part of the reason why labels don't really fit 1106 00:47:20,895 --> 00:47:24,465 anymore is because I'm not just one thing. 1107 00:47:24,605 --> 00:47:26,625 Mm-Hmm. , you know, yes. 1108 00:47:26,905 --> 00:47:31,005 I have those foundational tenets that, that mine, 1109 00:47:31,505 --> 00:47:33,365 but everything else is a little bit of this. 1110 00:47:33,695 --> 00:47:35,965 Right. A touch of that, a splash of that. Mm-Hmm. 1111 00:47:36,005 --> 00:47:38,565 , you know, I am not one thing 1112 00:47:38,565 --> 00:47:40,005 to be pigeonholed. Right. 1113 00:47:40,925 --> 00:47:42,245 - 'cause most people aren't. Right. 1114 00:47:42,485 --> 00:47:44,765 I think even when, you know, we get to know kinks 1115 00:47:44,865 --> 00:47:47,885 who use one very solid term for themselves. 1116 00:47:47,885 --> 00:47:50,045 Mm-Hmm. . When you ask them what that means 1117 00:47:50,185 --> 00:47:53,725 and they define it for you, it's a, a conglomeration 1118 00:47:53,725 --> 00:47:55,805 of all kinds of different parts of play. 1119 00:47:56,075 --> 00:47:57,965 It's just that this one term fits them better. 1120 00:47:57,965 --> 00:47:59,525 They don't wanna call themselves a this or that, 1121 00:47:59,525 --> 00:48:00,885 or the this is the thing. 1122 00:48:01,025 --> 00:48:04,365 And that is okay. That is, Mm-Hmm, . Okay. 1123 00:48:05,145 --> 00:48:07,365 My problem is less with the term 1124 00:48:08,545 --> 00:48:11,485 and more about how it's being viewed 1125 00:48:11,505 --> 00:48:13,885 and defined by people who can influence people 1126 00:48:13,905 --> 00:48:14,925 who are trying to learn. 1127 00:48:15,705 --> 00:48:16,885 And that is the problem. 1128 00:48:17,165 --> 00:48:19,365 I mean, there is the problem of, if it started on TikTok 1129 00:48:19,365 --> 00:48:22,205 and it was about, oh look, I found the clit and the gpo. 1130 00:48:22,475 --> 00:48:24,525 Look at her go. You know, I mean 1131 00:48:24,565 --> 00:48:27,805 that's a just a different type of discussion that, 1132 00:48:28,185 --> 00:48:31,485 you know, i, I care about, but I don't care about 1133 00:48:32,085 --> 00:48:33,085 - . 1134 00:48:42,165 --> 00:48:46,125 - I don't know. I, I don't love it. Um, 1135 00:48:46,825 --> 00:48:51,125 - No, - I think that there's a part of me 1136 00:48:51,125 --> 00:48:55,085 that would imagine because saying pleasure renders, 1137 00:48:56,115 --> 00:48:57,325 renders the way it's defined. 1138 00:48:57,325 --> 00:49:00,085 Render isn't meaningless because e everything we 1139 00:49:00,085 --> 00:49:01,245 do is about pleasure. 1140 00:49:01,245 --> 00:49:03,525 Just pleasure will be defined differently from person 1141 00:49:03,525 --> 00:49:05,725 to person and scene to scene in situation to situation. 1142 00:49:05,725 --> 00:49:08,525 Like it just will. It, it makes it meaningless. 1143 00:49:08,635 --> 00:49:11,805 It's so vague and so broad as to be meaningless. 1144 00:49:12,305 --> 00:49:15,485 If you tell me that you are somehow a special kind of dom 1145 00:49:15,485 --> 00:49:18,085 because you care about your partner's pleasure, 1146 00:49:18,195 --> 00:49:20,205 what you've told me is you don't fucking 1147 00:49:20,325 --> 00:49:21,485 understand dominance at all. 1148 00:49:21,985 --> 00:49:23,485 - Mm-Hmm. - , I'll give you the benefit 1149 00:49:23,485 --> 00:49:24,805 of the doubt and think you must be new. 1150 00:49:25,075 --> 00:49:27,845 I'll send you to some resources that can better educate you. 1151 00:49:28,035 --> 00:49:29,445 Yeah. But that's what you're telling me. 1152 00:49:29,755 --> 00:49:30,885 Well, I'm a pleasure Dom, 1153 00:49:30,885 --> 00:49:32,165 because I care about my partner's pleasure. 1154 00:49:32,165 --> 00:49:34,005 Well, fuck you. So does my sadistic daddy 1155 00:49:34,725 --> 00:49:35,725 - . 1156 00:49:37,665 --> 00:49:40,845 - You are not somehow, inherently better than you are not 1157 00:49:40,845 --> 00:49:42,565 somehow, inherently different than 1158 00:49:43,745 --> 00:49:45,205 the way we express those things 1159 00:49:45,715 --> 00:49:46,845 will change from person to person. 1160 00:49:46,845 --> 00:49:48,045 It be different from person to person. 1161 00:49:48,425 --> 00:49:50,125 And that's okay too. But 1162 00:49:50,385 --> 00:49:52,885 - So somebody asked the, the question in, in the chat, 1163 00:49:53,435 --> 00:49:56,605 what would you use in place of pleasure? 1164 00:49:56,725 --> 00:49:58,245 - I wouldn't, just wouldn't use pleasure. 1165 00:49:58,885 --> 00:50:00,125 Dominant is dominant is dominant. 1166 00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:02,205 I don't care what your subcategory is. 1167 00:50:02,465 --> 00:50:04,245 - Big D is big D. - Big D is big. 1168 00:50:04,365 --> 00:50:06,565 D is big D power exchange is 1169 00:50:06,565 --> 00:50:07,605 power exchange is power exchange. 1170 00:50:07,885 --> 00:50:09,925 I don't care if, it doesn't matter if it's romantic, sexual, 1171 00:50:10,165 --> 00:50:13,245 a combo, platonic, whatever. 1172 00:50:13,325 --> 00:50:14,685 I can't think of other words that I could be 1173 00:50:15,005 --> 00:50:17,725 - A big, a big D by any other name is still a big 1174 00:50:17,725 --> 00:50:18,725 - D. 1175 00:50:18,725 --> 00:50:20,325 If, if a dominant and a submissive are coming together 1176 00:50:20,825 --> 00:50:23,325 to create a power exchange and have a thing happen 1177 00:50:24,345 --> 00:50:28,165 and both partners pleasure is not one 1178 00:50:28,165 --> 00:50:31,165 of the fucking goals, then is it power exchange? 1179 00:50:31,605 --> 00:50:32,765 I don't personally think so 1180 00:50:33,355 --> 00:50:38,205 because if I as a little s never get what I need 1181 00:50:38,585 --> 00:50:40,125 and never enjoy what I'm doing, 1182 00:50:40,235 --> 00:50:42,245 what the fuck am I doing there? 1183 00:50:43,595 --> 00:50:46,645 What am I doing there? I'm becoming a fucking doormat 1184 00:50:46,645 --> 00:50:48,965 because maybe I just don't know any better. 1185 00:50:49,145 --> 00:50:51,925 And I've spent way too many years, Mm-Hmm. 1186 00:50:51,965 --> 00:50:54,165 telling way too many submissives 1187 00:50:54,475 --> 00:50:57,085 that their needs matter, their pleasure matters 1188 00:50:57,585 --> 00:51:00,965 and adamo that cares about them. 1189 00:51:01,025 --> 00:51:02,325 And I think we hear care 1190 00:51:02,325 --> 00:51:05,045 and we automatically think in love will marry me. 1191 00:51:05,245 --> 00:51:08,125 Whatever, whatever. No, A dom who cares about them 1192 00:51:08,745 --> 00:51:12,605 and wants to be a responsible ethical dom is gonna give a 1193 00:51:12,605 --> 00:51:14,165 fuck what you want and need. 1194 00:51:14,165 --> 00:51:16,325 Right. They might not always give it to you right. 1195 00:51:16,325 --> 00:51:18,925 When you want it. You might not always get it in the 1196 00:51:18,925 --> 00:51:20,045 same amounts every day. 1197 00:51:20,105 --> 00:51:24,165 It might not look the way you imagined in the play 1198 00:51:24,165 --> 00:51:25,685 that's happening in your head. 1199 00:51:27,345 --> 00:51:29,365 But you should be able to look back on a scene 1200 00:51:29,365 --> 00:51:31,085 and go, I did get pleasure from that. 1201 00:51:31,505 --> 00:51:36,005 Or as I often find, Jimmy's the sadist who loves, who loves, 1202 00:51:36,065 --> 00:51:39,205 who loves to create painful sensation that makes me 1203 00:51:40,165 --> 00:51:41,605 squeal dance on my toes. 1204 00:51:41,665 --> 00:51:45,485 Go, no daddy, no, no. That is stinging sensation. 1205 00:51:45,945 --> 00:51:47,125 It does not bring me pleasure. 1206 00:51:47,125 --> 00:51:49,645 The thing that brings me pleasure is the submission in his 1207 00:51:49,645 --> 00:51:51,845 control over me and that he's paying attention to me. 1208 00:51:52,085 --> 00:51:53,085 'cause I'm an attention whore. 1209 00:51:53,245 --> 00:51:54,565 says a woman with a camera 1210 00:51:54,625 --> 00:51:55,765 and a microphone, . 1211 00:51:58,585 --> 00:52:02,005 But he, that is his go-to sensation 1212 00:52:02,005 --> 00:52:04,045 because he is looking to create a response for me. 1213 00:52:04,245 --> 00:52:05,245 'cause that brings him pleasure. 1214 00:52:05,385 --> 00:52:08,245 And he knows that me submitting to that power 1215 00:52:08,265 --> 00:52:09,525 and control brings me pleasure. 1216 00:52:09,585 --> 00:52:14,125 But he balances that with sensation. I like thud. 1217 00:52:14,405 --> 00:52:15,765 I want it to feel like a deep tissue massage. 1218 00:52:16,225 --> 00:52:19,805 And when he does that, he may not get as much pleasure 1219 00:52:19,985 --> 00:52:22,085 as he would get making it sting. 1220 00:52:22,225 --> 00:52:25,325 But he knows that I'm getting pleasure from being beat 1221 00:52:25,395 --> 00:52:26,805 upon consensually. 1222 00:52:27,505 --> 00:52:31,805 And so his job is to balance the things 1223 00:52:31,805 --> 00:52:32,925 that bring him the most pleasure 1224 00:52:32,925 --> 00:52:34,845 that he knows I will get pleasure from in a way. 1225 00:52:35,505 --> 00:52:39,125 And the things that I definitely get pleasure from mm-Hmm. 1226 00:52:39,165 --> 00:52:42,045 that maybe don't like he likes 1227 00:52:42,045 --> 00:52:43,125 it, but he likes the other more. 1228 00:52:43,125 --> 00:52:45,325 Right? Like it's all nuance and, and sure. 1229 00:52:45,785 --> 00:52:47,565 And individual, and it depends on the day. 1230 00:52:47,565 --> 00:52:49,245 And it depends on if mercury's in the fucking 1231 00:52:49,245 --> 00:52:50,485 microwave again or whatever. 1232 00:52:50,485 --> 00:52:51,525 Mm-Hmm. . Like, it all depends on 1233 00:52:51,525 --> 00:52:53,685 what the fuck's going on, but it's all based on pleasure. 1234 00:52:54,455 --> 00:52:55,725 - Right. And, 1235 00:52:55,905 --> 00:52:58,645 and see somebody in Chad was talking about, you know, 1236 00:52:58,645 --> 00:53:00,605 the more correct solution is 1237 00:53:00,605 --> 00:53:02,725 to more strongly emphasize the difference 1238 00:53:02,725 --> 00:53:04,365 between dominance and sadism. 1239 00:53:04,705 --> 00:53:08,325 And I, I think that's a line for many people that, that get, 1240 00:53:08,755 --> 00:53:10,525 that gets blurry as well. Which is why 1241 00:53:10,525 --> 00:53:12,885 - Well, like when you and I talk about it, we talk about it 1242 00:53:13,225 --> 00:53:15,805 as your, your dominant side and your sada side. People, 1243 00:53:15,835 --> 00:53:17,165 - They, they are two very different things. 1244 00:53:17,165 --> 00:53:20,005 Right. And, and at least in my mind, that's how I see it. 1245 00:53:20,015 --> 00:53:22,525 - Right. And there's a lot of commingling because when, 1246 00:53:22,745 --> 00:53:25,525 and we talked about this in our private conversation 1247 00:53:25,525 --> 00:53:26,725 about her kinks the other day. 1248 00:53:27,205 --> 00:53:30,085 I said, when you are making me squeal or, you know, cry 1249 00:53:30,145 --> 00:53:31,885 or jump around on my toes to kind 1250 00:53:31,885 --> 00:53:33,765 of get away from the sensation, is 1251 00:53:33,765 --> 00:53:35,445 that your dominant side or your sadist? 1252 00:53:36,005 --> 00:53:38,725 I expected him to say, it's both. I, that's what I expected. 1253 00:53:38,725 --> 00:53:40,645 He goes, no, that's where my sadist Mm-Hmm. . 1254 00:53:40,645 --> 00:53:42,405 He's like, but when I'm like, I've pinned you down 1255 00:53:42,405 --> 00:53:44,925 to the fucking bed, that's my dominant side. 1256 00:53:45,055 --> 00:53:47,365 Those are the conversations people need to have. Yeah. 1257 00:53:47,365 --> 00:53:48,925 People who willingly 1258 00:53:48,925 --> 00:53:50,765 and publicly talk about their own kinks. 1259 00:53:51,165 --> 00:53:53,125 I think it's a good idea to differentiate. 1260 00:53:53,625 --> 00:53:57,125 And even if you don't love labels to say this kind 1261 00:53:57,125 --> 00:53:58,565 of thing kind of comes under sadism 1262 00:53:58,565 --> 00:53:59,965 and this kind of thing kind of comes under this 1263 00:53:59,985 --> 00:54:01,405 and absolutely. 1264 00:54:01,465 --> 00:54:02,725 Mm-Hmm. . It's why we 1265 00:54:02,725 --> 00:54:03,845 talk about it the way we do. 1266 00:54:04,145 --> 00:54:05,325 Yes. He's a daddy dom 1267 00:54:05,865 --> 00:54:08,045 and as a type of dominant, that's kind of the, 1268 00:54:08,225 --> 00:54:09,405 the big classification. 1269 00:54:09,945 --> 00:54:12,125 But he's a sadistic daddy dom implying 1270 00:54:12,125 --> 00:54:13,725 that there's sadism there. 1271 00:54:13,725 --> 00:54:16,485 Right. . Stop doing the sadist laugh. 1272 00:54:16,545 --> 00:54:17,885 Oh my god. Right. 1273 00:54:18,395 --> 00:54:21,365 Like, if you are presenting yourself 1274 00:54:21,425 --> 00:54:24,325 to the overall community as here, learn from me. 1275 00:54:24,445 --> 00:54:25,885 I got sh shit to share with you. 1276 00:54:26,485 --> 00:54:27,645 I think it's important to talk 1277 00:54:27,645 --> 00:54:28,725 about those things as separate. 1278 00:54:29,245 --> 00:54:30,405 I think as a, a lay person, 1279 00:54:30,475 --> 00:54:32,085 just like living your kinky life, 1280 00:54:32,985 --> 00:54:34,045 you might just say you're dominant, 1281 00:54:34,065 --> 00:54:35,845 but you might not define for everybody 1282 00:54:35,845 --> 00:54:38,245 who comes across you at the lunch that you're also a sadist. 1283 00:54:38,245 --> 00:54:40,445 And here's what that means. I think if more people get 1284 00:54:40,445 --> 00:54:41,565 exposed to that kind of way 1285 00:54:41,565 --> 00:54:43,085 of talking about it, more people will do that. 1286 00:54:43,105 --> 00:54:44,725 It normalizes it. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. . 1287 00:54:44,785 --> 00:54:48,965 Um, but the, the thing that porn doesn't do well, 1288 00:54:49,985 --> 00:54:51,125 not the kind 1289 00:54:51,125 --> 00:54:52,925 of porn you find on porn hub, let's put it that way. 1290 00:54:53,395 --> 00:54:56,645 That what that does not do well is everything gets 1291 00:54:56,645 --> 00:54:58,125 classified as BDSM. 1292 00:54:58,465 --> 00:55:00,765 Or this is a dom who's in control Mm-Hmm. . 1293 00:55:00,765 --> 00:55:03,125 And then what they present is very sadistic play. 1294 00:55:04,425 --> 00:55:08,085 And so that then gets normalized for people who don't, 1295 00:55:08,105 --> 00:55:11,205 who don't have enough experience yet with their kink self 1296 00:55:11,205 --> 00:55:12,325 and learning about kink 1297 00:55:12,325 --> 00:55:14,525 and all that to understand that, oh, 1298 00:55:14,525 --> 00:55:16,725 that's actually two separate things I'm seeing here. 1299 00:55:17,225 --> 00:55:19,365 And so we, we get those ideas stuck in our head, 1300 00:55:19,365 --> 00:55:23,005 but this is where then I come back to, your kink life needs 1301 00:55:23,005 --> 00:55:25,685 to be an ongoing learning experience. 1302 00:55:26,195 --> 00:55:29,365 Okay? You should be learning about, you know, 1303 00:55:29,715 --> 00:55:31,005 what things mean to you 1304 00:55:31,025 --> 00:55:33,205 and how you would describe them and what you like. 1305 00:55:33,225 --> 00:55:35,405 And the best way to learn that is both 1306 00:55:35,405 --> 00:55:36,565 through experience with a partner. 1307 00:55:36,595 --> 00:55:39,245 Sure, sure. But also in whatever resources 1308 00:55:39,245 --> 00:55:41,085 and in whatever way you like to learn things. 1309 00:55:41,575 --> 00:55:43,525 Watch Evie Mm-Hmm. . Watch, listen to us. 1310 00:55:43,885 --> 00:55:45,245 Whatever, whatever. Pink King podcasts. 1311 00:55:45,765 --> 00:55:48,165 Wherever you get information that resonates with you, 1312 00:55:48,345 --> 00:55:49,725 the more information you take in, 1313 00:55:49,945 --> 00:55:52,285 the more nuanced your own understanding of yourself 1314 00:55:52,665 --> 00:55:54,325 and the labels that would apply to you. 1315 00:55:54,345 --> 00:55:55,525 Mm-Hmm. become. 1316 00:55:56,825 --> 00:55:59,205 - So, I, I just want to quickly touch on something 1317 00:55:59,205 --> 00:56:02,445 that I had watched go past in, in chat. 1318 00:56:02,585 --> 00:56:06,645 Mm. Um, talking about, uh, culture 1319 00:56:07,225 --> 00:56:09,885 and boundaries and observing. 1320 00:56:09,995 --> 00:56:13,325 Okay. Different things. Um, I, 1321 00:56:14,305 --> 00:56:18,525 my hot take on that real quick is that culture, the, 1322 00:56:18,585 --> 00:56:22,365 the BDSM culture is just as important right? 1323 00:56:22,365 --> 00:56:25,165 Up there with, with respecting boundaries, 1324 00:56:25,165 --> 00:56:26,365 with respecting consent. 1325 00:56:26,705 --> 00:56:29,485 And, and here's why. When I first came into the community, 1326 00:56:30,245 --> 00:56:34,605 I had a basic understanding of, of boundaries and consent. 1327 00:56:34,605 --> 00:56:36,925 Mm-Hmm. . But by joining the community 1328 00:56:36,925 --> 00:56:38,245 and becoming part of the culture, 1329 00:56:39,425 --> 00:56:42,005 we educate each other. Right. You 1330 00:56:42,005 --> 00:56:43,005 - Learn from each other. 1331 00:56:43,005 --> 00:56:45,085 - Okay. You, you, we learn from each other. Mm-Hmm. 1332 00:56:45,125 --> 00:56:48,725 . And, and that is how my understanding 1333 00:56:49,305 --> 00:56:53,645 of consent of, of boundaries and things like that grew. 1334 00:56:53,705 --> 00:56:56,445 Mm-Hmm. . It, it was from becoming part 1335 00:56:56,445 --> 00:56:58,245 of the community to becoming part of the culture. 1336 00:56:58,705 --> 00:57:01,245 That's how you gain your understanding, because 1337 00:57:01,245 --> 00:57:02,285 - You see different viewpoints, right? 1338 00:57:02,285 --> 00:57:04,445 Your viewpoint is a very myopic viewpoint 1339 00:57:04,445 --> 00:57:07,245 that only encompasses what you personally have experienced. 1340 00:57:07,245 --> 00:57:08,045 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. , whether you've 1341 00:57:08,045 --> 00:57:08,925 heard it, seen it, done it. 1342 00:57:09,265 --> 00:57:11,565 So when you go out into a broader community, whether 1343 00:57:11,565 --> 00:57:13,765 that's online or it's in person, right? 1344 00:57:13,765 --> 00:57:15,205 Both are valid. Both are, 1345 00:57:15,205 --> 00:57:16,805 they're different from one another, but they're valid. 1346 00:57:17,425 --> 00:57:19,365 You then get to hear what other people think, 1347 00:57:19,365 --> 00:57:20,485 what other people have experienced. 1348 00:57:20,485 --> 00:57:21,965 Mm-Hmm. how they handled a thing. 1349 00:57:22,025 --> 00:57:23,925 And either you'll take that information 1350 00:57:23,945 --> 00:57:26,245 and go, yeah, I wouldn't do it that way. 1351 00:57:26,385 --> 00:57:28,325 Or you'll take that information and go, wow. Shit. 1352 00:57:28,365 --> 00:57:30,205 I never thought there was another way I could do it. Yeah. 1353 00:57:30,385 --> 00:57:33,365 So, yeah. . 1354 00:57:34,505 --> 00:57:37,765 And I think a, I think personally, so first of all, 1355 00:57:38,745 --> 00:57:41,045 if somebody just wants to be kinky in their bedroom 1356 00:57:41,265 --> 00:57:45,005 and never listen to a podcast, read a book, go to a munch, 1357 00:57:45,275 --> 00:57:47,765 talk to another king straw online, that's fine. 1358 00:57:47,865 --> 00:57:49,805 You get to, you get to do that like that. Mm-Hmm. 1359 00:57:49,845 --> 00:57:50,845 . There are plenty of people who 1360 00:57:50,845 --> 00:57:51,485 live their whole lives. 1361 00:57:51,595 --> 00:57:54,085 They don't even know that the BDSM community is a thing. 1362 00:57:54,085 --> 00:57:57,885 Right. And their, their experience is valid and it's good. 1363 00:57:57,945 --> 00:58:01,205 And as long as they're not harming anybody non consensually, 1364 00:58:01,865 --> 00:58:03,405 do you baby have a good time? 1365 00:58:03,635 --> 00:58:07,805 Yeah. That being said, once you venture out of 1366 00:58:07,805 --> 00:58:08,965 that very personal space 1367 00:58:09,025 --> 00:58:12,325 and you start consuming content, following people, 1368 00:58:12,805 --> 00:58:15,405 interacting with people, you're now part even minimally 1369 00:58:15,545 --> 00:58:16,765 of a broader community. 1370 00:58:17,035 --> 00:58:18,885 Once you come out of, this is my bedroom 1371 00:58:18,905 --> 00:58:21,005 and this is what I do, and what are other people doing? 1372 00:58:21,005 --> 00:58:22,285 And what else is out there? 1373 00:58:22,835 --> 00:58:25,965 Then to me, I don't think it's some sort of requirement 1374 00:58:25,965 --> 00:58:28,645 that you understand the broader concepts of BDSM. 1375 00:58:28,645 --> 00:58:31,525 But if you are taking in the information just 1376 00:58:31,525 --> 00:58:32,805 by Oz fucking Moses, 1377 00:58:32,985 --> 00:58:36,565 you're probably gonna learn some things about the broader 1378 00:58:37,075 --> 00:58:38,965 idea and community of BDSM. 1379 00:58:39,505 --> 00:58:42,645 Now, we can never guarantee that people who make 1380 00:58:42,645 --> 00:58:45,725 that first step outta their bedroom hit a healthy, 1381 00:58:45,995 --> 00:58:48,005 ethical, safe ish. 1382 00:58:48,405 --> 00:58:49,405 'cause it's all risk. Mm-Hmm. 1383 00:58:49,445 --> 00:58:51,005 , there's no such a safe, you know what I mean? 1384 00:58:51,155 --> 00:58:53,525 Yeah. Community where they're gonna learn best practices. 1385 00:58:53,525 --> 00:58:54,685 Like that's, we know that's not true. 1386 00:58:55,345 --> 00:58:57,925 We know that's not true. But ideally, 1387 00:58:59,145 --> 00:59:01,845 the more they learn online, the more they investigate 1388 00:59:01,845 --> 00:59:03,245 and discover and they, you know, 1389 00:59:04,435 --> 00:59:06,725 they're gonna come across somebody who resonates enough 1390 00:59:06,725 --> 00:59:09,365 with them that hopefully they learn something about the 1391 00:59:09,365 --> 00:59:12,725 broader community that makes them a better ster. 1392 00:59:13,745 --> 00:59:16,005 That's the idea. That's the idea. Mm-Hmm. 1393 00:59:16,045 --> 00:59:17,365 like, the more you can understand 1394 00:59:17,425 --> 00:59:20,045 how the wider BDSM community 1395 00:59:20,045 --> 00:59:24,125 and the B-D-S-M-M Culture genre, I don't know 1396 00:59:24,125 --> 00:59:25,165 what to call us Yeah. 1397 00:59:25,845 --> 00:59:28,685 Operates and what our, our kind 1398 00:59:28,685 --> 00:59:31,685 of agreed upon best practices are, knowing 1399 00:59:31,685 --> 00:59:33,605 that individuals will disagree. 1400 00:59:33,605 --> 00:59:36,245 But broad strokes, most people will agree with this. 1401 00:59:36,565 --> 00:59:39,645 I think you become a better kister if you have been doing 1402 00:59:39,645 --> 00:59:41,685 your kink life in your bedroom your whole life, 1403 00:59:41,705 --> 00:59:43,045 and you never had anybody go. 1404 00:59:43,195 --> 00:59:45,605 Yeah. But your communication skills need 1405 00:59:45,605 --> 00:59:46,845 to continuously be improving. 1406 00:59:47,555 --> 00:59:49,685 That means you could be stuck in a rut and you 1407 00:59:49,705 --> 00:59:51,445 and your partner might not be at the height 1408 00:59:51,825 --> 00:59:53,245 of whatever your relationship could be 1409 00:59:53,245 --> 00:59:55,165 because you've never had that idea introduced. 1410 00:59:55,625 --> 01:00:00,445 And yet every responsible K share I've ever come 1411 01:00:00,445 --> 01:00:02,005 across, whether they have a microphone 1412 01:00:02,005 --> 01:00:03,205 and share their viewpoints online 1413 01:00:03,225 --> 01:00:07,205 or they do not, will say, I have 1414 01:00:07,205 --> 01:00:08,205 to be good at communication. 1415 01:00:08,205 --> 01:00:09,245 And sometimes I will fuck up 1416 01:00:09,465 --> 01:00:10,565 and then I have to learn a new skill. 1417 01:00:10,665 --> 01:00:13,005 And I have to get, I have to go do a hard thing in order 1418 01:00:13,005 --> 01:00:14,685 to have a good relationship with this partner. 1419 01:00:15,915 --> 01:00:19,205 That that's the, the what the culture does. 1420 01:00:20,465 --> 01:00:22,925 Is it always that way in every community? No. 1421 01:00:23,385 --> 01:00:26,925 Are there toxic spaces? Yes. . Yes. 1422 01:00:27,395 --> 01:00:30,605 However, that, that, that is what I 1423 01:00:31,445 --> 01:00:33,005 I say about that. Okay. 1424 01:00:33,435 --> 01:00:35,165 - That - I've made my throat hurt. 1425 01:00:35,465 --> 01:00:35,965 - Mm-Hmm. . 1426 01:00:40,705 --> 01:00:42,885 - Anyway, - , anywho, uh, 1427 01:00:43,305 --> 01:00:44,305 - Is, lemme go through. 1428 01:00:44,405 --> 01:00:47,765 I did, I did take notes. Oh, there were points I wanted. 1429 01:00:48,195 --> 01:00:49,725 - Okay. Oh, - Good. I hit all my points. 1430 01:00:49,985 --> 01:00:51,645 - All right. There you go. See, okay. 1431 01:00:53,675 --> 01:00:55,525 - When anybody who looks at the show notes, 1432 01:00:55,555 --> 01:00:56,805 like the podcast show notes, 1433 01:00:57,185 --> 01:00:59,045 it will look very calm. 1434 01:00:59,885 --> 01:01:00,885 - . 1435 01:01:01,625 --> 01:01:04,485 - You'll think you never said those words in that order. 1436 01:01:04,825 --> 01:01:06,365 No, but you got my fucking point. 1437 01:01:06,545 --> 01:01:09,805 I'm gonna put the calm notes that I'm referencing now 1438 01:01:09,805 --> 01:01:12,245 to make sure we covered all points in the show notes. 1439 01:01:13,545 --> 01:01:16,085 But, but the actual recording be 1440 01:01:16,085 --> 01:01:17,165 had different experience 1441 01:01:17,185 --> 01:01:18,185 - And time. 1442 01:01:18,185 --> 01:01:21,965 Whole different bulk can of worms. Yep. Oh boy. So, 1443 01:01:22,195 --> 01:01:23,195 - Okay. 1444 01:01:23,195 --> 01:01:25,765 I, uh, I covered everything. We covered everything. Mm-Hmm. 1445 01:01:25,805 --> 01:01:27,805 , I yelled and probably pissed enough people 1446 01:01:27,825 --> 01:01:31,565 off that I don't feel like there's anything I have 1447 01:01:31,565 --> 01:01:32,765 to add. There you go to 1448 01:01:32,765 --> 01:01:33,605 - It. Alright. 1449 01:01:33,945 --> 01:01:35,765 - Uh, do you have anything you would like to add? 1450 01:01:35,925 --> 01:01:39,205 - ? Nope. Nope, Nope, nope. Nope. Oh my gosh. Uh, 1451 01:01:40,185 --> 01:01:41,605 - My skin is so hot. . 1452 01:01:41,605 --> 01:01:42,765 - Yeah. Your face is red. 1453 01:01:42,825 --> 01:01:44,925 You you've been like, you know, my 1454 01:01:44,925 --> 01:01:47,365 - Blood pressure pill is working over time today. 1455 01:01:47,505 --> 01:01:51,965 - Yes. It's Yes, is indeed. It is. But we, 1456 01:01:52,065 --> 01:01:55,005 - We could, we could do a, um, motor section now. 1457 01:01:55,275 --> 01:01:58,205 - Okay. All right. So, are we good? I 1458 01:01:58,335 --> 01:01:59,335 - Dunno. 1459 01:01:59,335 --> 01:02:00,405 I dunno. I dunno. 1460 01:02:01,915 --> 01:02:04,285 - Keep it kinky - Y all and we'll see you next week. 1461 01:02:16,095 --> 01:02:19,605 - Daddy. - Donnie. 1462 01:02:23,385 --> 01:02:25,005 - Yes. . - Oh my God. 1463 01:02:25,185 --> 01:02:27,205 Donnie, can I talk to the Koreans 1464 01:02:27,885 --> 01:02:30,525 - - Instead of yelling at them? 1465 01:02:30,925 --> 01:02:31,925 . 1466 01:02:34,065 --> 01:02:35,205 - Oh boy. - I would like 1467 01:02:35,205 --> 01:02:36,325 to talk instead of yelling. Thanks. 1468 01:02:36,865 --> 01:02:38,085 - Go ahead. - Okay. 1469 01:02:38,605 --> 01:02:43,485 , uh, just to reiterate something I said at the top 1470 01:02:43,515 --> 01:02:45,645 that would've been completely forgotten in all 1471 01:02:45,645 --> 01:02:47,405 of my screaming . 1472 01:02:47,405 --> 01:02:50,285 Um, by the time the podcast episode goes out, 1473 01:02:50,335 --> 01:02:51,525 there will be new, uh, 1474 01:02:51,845 --> 01:02:53,885 products on our Etsy shop, new shirt designs. 1475 01:02:53,885 --> 01:02:55,965 Mm-Hmm. . I've got a grumpy daddy, 1476 01:02:56,485 --> 01:02:58,765 a sadistic daddy, uh, bra, 1477 01:02:58,855 --> 01:03:00,565 three versions of bratty since birth. 1478 01:03:00,765 --> 01:03:01,765 'cause I liked all three designs 1479 01:03:01,805 --> 01:03:02,885 I made, and I couldn't decide. 1480 01:03:03,065 --> 01:03:05,965 I'm like, fuck it, I don't have to. Um, yeah. 1481 01:03:06,065 --> 01:03:07,605 And one that I, it just, 1482 01:03:08,645 --> 01:03:10,445 I don't know if it's a good design, but it makes me happy. 1483 01:03:10,445 --> 01:03:13,885 It says bratty, bratty, bratty in bubble letters. . 1484 01:03:13,885 --> 01:03:15,885 Like, I just fucking love it. There's that one too. 1485 01:03:16,785 --> 01:03:19,805 For folks watching the live stream on Wednesday, 1486 01:03:20,245 --> 01:03:23,445 February 21st at currently 1:05 PM our time. 1487 01:03:23,475 --> 01:03:25,365 They're not up yet, but they'll be soon 1488 01:03:25,365 --> 01:03:26,885 because I'm like, I'm doing all the prep work, 1489 01:03:27,185 --> 01:03:28,325 so then all I have to do is hit publish. 1490 01:03:28,755 --> 01:03:30,965 It's delightful. So that's happening. 1491 01:03:31,185 --> 01:03:33,965 Um, Lola is not in here 1492 01:03:34,025 --> 01:03:36,125 and has not been howling to come in here. 1493 01:03:36,305 --> 01:03:38,645 - You're right. - Yeah. You wanna go check on your girl? 1494 01:03:38,705 --> 01:03:40,485 She was pro. She heard me yelling and got nervous. 1495 01:03:40,705 --> 01:03:42,125 She went, fuck that shit. Right. 1496 01:03:45,845 --> 01:03:50,245 - I don't know. - I am, I'm very hot. 1497 01:03:50,425 --> 01:03:53,325 My blood pressure definitely went up. And it's hard. 1498 01:03:53,325 --> 01:03:55,325 Like I get, I get passionate clearly. 1499 01:03:55,865 --> 01:03:57,565 And yet I know there will always be an 1500 01:03:57,565 --> 01:03:58,645 exception to the rule. 1501 01:03:58,645 --> 01:04:00,085 There'll be somebody who's like, 1502 01:04:00,395 --> 01:04:03,005 just a genuinely like decent K who's like, 1503 01:04:03,005 --> 01:04:04,285 but I really like the term pleasure. 1504 01:04:04,285 --> 01:04:05,965 Do. I don't, I don't, I don't want you to be mad at me. 1505 01:04:05,965 --> 01:04:07,445 And I'm not. I'm not, I'm not. 1506 01:04:07,445 --> 01:04:08,925 It's really for the masses 1507 01:04:08,925 --> 01:04:13,325 and it's for the, the problems I can already see ahead. 1508 01:04:13,325 --> 01:04:16,125 Like, I can already see how things will get weaponized 1509 01:04:16,125 --> 01:04:17,605 and used against people and Mm-Hmm. 1510 01:04:17,645 --> 01:04:20,125 assumptions will be made and it just, I mean, 1511 01:04:20,205 --> 01:04:22,205 I guess I shouldn't, it pisses me off, 1512 01:04:22,205 --> 01:04:23,845 but also I guess it's job security. 1513 01:04:24,285 --> 01:04:29,165 , every day a new little baby Kister comes online 1514 01:04:29,305 --> 01:04:30,405 and learns some bullshit 1515 01:04:30,505 --> 01:04:33,085 and hopefully they find us too . 1516 01:04:33,105 --> 01:04:34,365 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . And I 1517 01:04:34,365 --> 01:04:35,405 don't scare them away. 1518 01:04:36,005 --> 01:04:37,005 . 1519 01:04:37,625 --> 01:04:42,165 - So Lola is in her crate Okay. On, on her pillow. 1520 01:04:42,225 --> 01:04:44,405 And she's just curled up and just, just 1521 01:04:44,645 --> 01:04:45,645 - Chilling. 1522 01:04:45,645 --> 01:04:47,685 Yeah. We gotta get her in for a bath. That girl is 1523 01:04:47,765 --> 01:04:48,765 - Stinking. 1524 01:04:48,765 --> 01:04:49,325 Yeah. 1525 01:04:50,045 --> 01:04:52,925 - Stinking. - Yeah. She does needs her nails trimmed too. 1526 01:04:53,005 --> 01:04:55,125 I hear her tap tip 1527 01:04:55,145 --> 01:04:56,145 - Tap. 1528 01:04:56,145 --> 01:04:58,085 Yes. I, I saw that too. Mm-Hmm. . 1529 01:04:58,825 --> 01:05:00,645 And, uh, Luna points out something 1530 01:05:00,645 --> 01:05:03,405 that's currently available, um, for certain patrons 1531 01:05:03,405 --> 01:05:08,125 and Patreon, but we will have a new, um, planner 1532 01:05:08,865 --> 01:05:10,885 set thing for, um, Etsy. 1533 01:05:10,885 --> 01:05:11,885 And it is bunny themed. 1534 01:05:11,945 --> 01:05:13,725 And I purposely avoided Easter Bunny. 1535 01:05:13,965 --> 01:05:16,485 'cause that's way too, like specific to a time period. 1536 01:05:16,545 --> 01:05:17,645 And I just went with Bunny. 1537 01:05:18,265 --> 01:05:21,605 Um, how could I not, when I know there's at least 1538 01:05:22,865 --> 01:05:24,445 two people, one 1539 01:05:24,445 --> 01:05:27,285 or two people in live chat with Bunny in their name. 1540 01:05:27,285 --> 01:05:29,005 Right. There's at least two or three people in our 1541 01:05:29,035 --> 01:05:30,485 Patreon with Bunny in their name. 1542 01:05:30,485 --> 01:05:34,805 Like how, how could I not? Yeah. Um, so 1543 01:05:35,645 --> 01:05:39,845 - - And Rah Rah says, 1544 01:05:39,875 --> 01:05:41,565 I've been ranting about this term for more than a year. 1545 01:05:41,925 --> 01:05:44,085 , I meant to go look before this episode 1546 01:05:44,085 --> 01:05:45,085 and then completely forgot. 1547 01:05:45,265 --> 01:05:48,725 Uh, does the Pink Kink podcast have an episode about this? 1548 01:05:49,305 --> 01:05:52,365 If so, I'll link to it in the show notes and rah rah. 1549 01:05:52,365 --> 01:05:54,285 Feel free to shout it out in the live chat. 1550 01:05:54,745 --> 01:05:56,645 Um, because I did think about that. 1551 01:05:56,645 --> 01:05:57,885 I was, because I remembered Raro 1552 01:05:57,885 --> 01:05:59,045 saying, I fucking hate that term. 1553 01:05:59,055 --> 01:06:01,205 Right. I was like, do they already have an episode on it? 1554 01:06:01,225 --> 01:06:03,165 And I forgot to go look . 1555 01:06:03,165 --> 01:06:06,685 So, um, yeah. 1556 01:06:06,965 --> 01:06:10,565 I I have a feeling if it's not already happening, um, 1557 01:06:13,835 --> 01:06:18,125 that TikTok finding your kink self via TikTok 1558 01:06:18,955 --> 01:06:22,765 will be, if it's not already much like, 1559 01:06:22,945 --> 01:06:25,285 and unfortunately treated like people 1560 01:06:25,285 --> 01:06:27,005 who figured out they were kinky through 50 shades of gray. 1561 01:06:27,025 --> 01:06:28,025 Mm-Hmm. . 1562 01:06:28,765 --> 01:06:32,525 - I mean, it's, it's wonderful full that 1563 01:06:34,625 --> 01:06:37,365 in, in this time of life. 1564 01:06:37,705 --> 01:06:41,565 Mm-Hmm. it is so easy for people 1565 01:06:42,265 --> 01:06:45,245 to be able to find out information. 1566 01:06:45,385 --> 01:06:48,445 Mm-Hmm. about kink if they are curious. 1567 01:06:48,585 --> 01:06:50,925 Mm-Hmm. , you know, um, 1568 01:06:53,295 --> 01:06:57,125 let's, uh, let's face it, you know, I 1569 01:06:58,185 --> 01:07:01,325 was doing kinky things back in my early twenties. 1570 01:07:01,855 --> 01:07:05,085 Right. Um, pre-cell phone, pre 1571 01:07:05,725 --> 01:07:07,005 internet, internet, you know? 1572 01:07:07,255 --> 01:07:10,565 Right. None, none of that. None of that stuff existed then. 1573 01:07:11,265 --> 01:07:15,085 And, and I had no idea there was a, 1574 01:07:15,325 --> 01:07:16,845 a name for what I was doing. 1575 01:07:16,905 --> 01:07:18,765 Mm-Hmm. . There were other people who 1576 01:07:20,185 --> 01:07:21,485 did the things I was doing. 1577 01:07:21,625 --> 01:07:25,325 Mm-Hmm. , you know, so on, on one hand. Yeah. 1578 01:07:25,385 --> 01:07:28,885 It, it's great that that information is, is 1579 01:07:28,885 --> 01:07:30,445 so readily available for people 1580 01:07:30,585 --> 01:07:31,725 - And there's so many different entry points. 1581 01:07:31,905 --> 01:07:35,325 Yes. Like the, the thing is, is pre-internet, you either had 1582 01:07:35,325 --> 01:07:38,485 to know what dirty magazines to go look at the back of, 1583 01:07:38,825 --> 01:07:40,045 or you had to know somebody, 1584 01:07:40,225 --> 01:07:42,285 or you had to, to live in a place that was big enough 1585 01:07:42,285 --> 01:07:43,845 where you could probably Mm-Hmm. 1586 01:07:43,985 --> 01:07:45,885 In certain neighborhoods, bump into somebody else. 1587 01:07:46,165 --> 01:07:48,045 Whatever, whatever. Yeah. You had to be brought into shit. 1588 01:07:48,135 --> 01:07:49,405 Right. And now it's like, 1589 01:07:49,425 --> 01:07:52,525 and this is why when people say how I, I own, I don't, 1590 01:07:52,645 --> 01:07:53,725 I don't wanna go on FetLife 1591 01:07:53,725 --> 01:07:55,285 and I don't wanna use kinky dating apps. 1592 01:07:55,345 --> 01:07:56,605 How will I find a kink partner? 1593 01:07:56,745 --> 01:07:58,645 I'm like, literally kinky People are everywhere. 1594 01:07:58,645 --> 01:08:01,485 People gather. TikTok is, I imagine, 1595 01:08:01,565 --> 01:08:04,005 I think the most unfriendly to kink content 1596 01:08:04,475 --> 01:08:06,085 with accounts getting banned all the time. 1597 01:08:06,085 --> 01:08:08,245 It's why, it's one reason why I'm not 1598 01:08:08,245 --> 01:08:09,525 trying to get us on Mm-Hmm. 1599 01:08:09,565 --> 01:08:10,645 , uh, TikTok. I don't, 1600 01:08:10,725 --> 01:08:13,445 I don't need the aggravation of building a following 1601 01:08:13,465 --> 01:08:15,685 and then being, having it pulled out from under. 1602 01:08:15,685 --> 01:08:17,085 Like, I, that just annoys the fuck outta me. 1603 01:08:17,635 --> 01:08:22,405 Instagram did it once in 2015 and I'm still pissy. 1604 01:08:22,505 --> 01:08:25,125 So can you imagine if TikTok did it to me every few months? 1605 01:08:25,195 --> 01:08:29,045 Yeah. No, but that's the point. Kink TikTok is a thing. 1606 01:08:29,045 --> 01:08:31,925 People are coming across information 1607 01:08:31,945 --> 01:08:33,565 and they're going, oh, this resonates. 1608 01:08:33,825 --> 01:08:35,485 Oh, is that, is that what I've been doing 1609 01:08:35,505 --> 01:08:36,525 in the privacy of my own? 1610 01:08:36,585 --> 01:08:38,365 Oh, okay. I'm kind of into this. Mm-Hmm. . 1611 01:08:38,945 --> 01:08:43,605 And the, the thing is, is that Everywhere in every space 1612 01:08:43,605 --> 01:08:46,405 where humans gather, there's also bad information. 1613 01:08:46,805 --> 01:08:48,005 , yes. There just is. 1614 01:08:48,065 --> 01:08:50,325 But everybody needs an entry point. Mm-Hmm. 1615 01:08:50,365 --> 01:08:51,565 and tick. But the, 1616 01:08:51,565 --> 01:08:54,085 and what I remember about 50 Shades, a lot of people assumed 1617 01:08:54,085 --> 01:08:55,765 that I got into kink 'cause of 50 shades. 1618 01:08:55,885 --> 01:08:58,165 'cause apparently I figured out it was kinky the same year. 1619 01:08:58,165 --> 01:09:00,885 50 Shades became like a massively popular book. 1620 01:09:00,885 --> 01:09:03,085 And I was like, no, no. Didn't, nope. 1621 01:09:03,085 --> 01:09:04,125 Didn't know anything about it. Mm-Hmm. 1622 01:09:04,305 --> 01:09:06,845 Um, but there's a lot of derision from older, 1623 01:09:07,075 --> 01:09:08,205 more established people 1624 01:09:08,305 --> 01:09:11,045 or people who are mostly in person communities of like, 1625 01:09:11,355 --> 01:09:14,965 somehow the online way of finding it 1626 01:09:14,985 --> 01:09:17,925 or the not being brought to a much way 1627 01:09:17,925 --> 01:09:19,045 of finding it is invalid. 1628 01:09:19,045 --> 01:09:21,165 And what it means is that there's a lot of misinformation, 1629 01:09:21,785 --> 01:09:23,085 but it's not invalid. 1630 01:09:30,885 --> 01:09:34,745 Anyway, this is, this is episode stuff, bonus section stuff. 1631 01:09:35,225 --> 01:09:39,185 - - Got sucked right back into it, didn't you? 1632 01:09:39,185 --> 01:09:41,145 I did. I did. Look, I am, I am, 1633 01:09:42,205 --> 01:09:43,585 the more I learn about myself 1634 01:09:43,645 --> 01:09:47,265 and my brain, the more I am coming to terms with of 1635 01:09:49,035 --> 01:09:50,985 Power exchange relationships. 1636 01:09:52,455 --> 01:09:54,585 It's gone on too long for me to call it a hyperfocus. 1637 01:09:54,865 --> 01:09:56,305 I think it's my special interest. 1638 01:09:56,305 --> 01:09:58,465 And yes, I mean that for those who understand 1639 01:09:58,465 --> 01:09:59,825 what I'm saying in the way 1640 01:09:59,825 --> 01:10:02,345 that you are taking it in the neurodivergent way, 1641 01:10:02,575 --> 01:10:06,145 because I, yeah. 1642 01:10:06,445 --> 01:10:10,225 The other thing though is I'm super lazy about stuff. 1643 01:10:10,785 --> 01:10:13,065 and I, I will go learn about a thing, 1644 01:10:13,065 --> 01:10:16,305 but I'm not the, I will investigate every single solitary 1645 01:10:17,715 --> 01:10:19,305 thing about a thing before I talk about it. 1646 01:10:19,375 --> 01:10:20,665 It's like, I'm gonna go learn what I need to learn 1647 01:10:20,665 --> 01:10:22,545 and then I'm gonna use my pattern recognition skills, 1648 01:10:22,985 --> 01:10:26,225 , and I'm gonna do my transference of skills, 1649 01:10:26,455 --> 01:10:29,545 like my very minimal basic understanding of psychology 1650 01:10:29,765 --> 01:10:31,025 and communication and, you know. 1651 01:10:31,095 --> 01:10:32,945 Yeah. And then we'll go from there. Um, 1652 01:10:34,565 --> 01:10:38,265 - So - Okay. 1653 01:10:38,605 --> 01:10:40,705 I'm gonna put the, the link in the podcast notes, 1654 01:10:40,705 --> 01:10:42,465 but for YouTube folks, I'll link 1655 01:10:42,465 --> 01:10:43,585 to it in the description box later. 1656 01:10:44,185 --> 01:10:46,345 rah rah has an episode on the Pink King podcast 1657 01:10:46,405 --> 01:10:49,025 called, uh, things that Make Us Angry. 1658 01:10:49,175 --> 01:10:53,025 Episode one 11, , they're apparently be rants ahead. 1659 01:10:53,465 --> 01:10:54,305 . Yeah. And the term 1660 01:10:54,665 --> 01:10:55,785 pleasure doll that's sitting there. 1661 01:10:55,785 --> 01:10:57,545 Right. Right. So I will link to that later. 1662 01:10:58,365 --> 01:11:01,465 Uh, after we finish this, I'm gonna go run errands with you. 1663 01:11:01,725 --> 01:11:04,585 Yes. I was supposed to get back to working on the Etsy shop, 1664 01:11:04,645 --> 01:11:08,265 but I I wanted to go run errands now lemme just, 1665 01:11:09,595 --> 01:11:12,825 Lemme just say they, people shouldn't go around 1666 01:11:14,365 --> 01:11:16,885 assuming they know shit about their long-term partners, 1667 01:11:17,465 --> 01:11:19,365 except that they definitely know shit about their 1668 01:11:19,365 --> 01:11:20,485 long-term partners . 1669 01:11:20,905 --> 01:11:22,285 So we're getting ready to record. 1670 01:11:22,305 --> 01:11:24,125 We did a lot of recording today, . 1671 01:11:24,705 --> 01:11:27,285 And, uh, I'm talking to JB and I'm like, oh, 1672 01:11:27,965 --> 01:11:30,125 'cause he is gotta go to Granger to pick up Del RINs. 1673 01:11:30,125 --> 01:11:32,925 We can make more canes. That's a lovely thing to go do. 1674 01:11:33,545 --> 01:11:35,925 And I said, uh, when are you going to 1675 01:11:36,225 --> 01:11:38,485 to go pick up the delrin order? 1676 01:11:39,025 --> 01:11:40,565 And you were like, oh, well after, 1677 01:11:41,375 --> 01:11:43,045 after we record, after we stream Mm-Hmm. 1678 01:11:43,065 --> 01:11:44,525 I'm like, okay. I was like, 1679 01:11:44,525 --> 01:11:46,005 and I said something like, um, 1680 01:11:46,455 --> 01:11:48,885 could I ask you a question ? 1681 01:11:48,885 --> 01:11:52,405 Which is already a question. I understand the irony. 1682 01:11:53,985 --> 01:11:56,085 JB goes, what do you want me 1683 01:11:56,085 --> 01:11:57,805 to bring you back a Diet Coke? I'm like, 1684 01:11:58,345 --> 01:11:59,345 - No. 1685 01:11:59,405 --> 01:12:03,365 - Offended, offended. No, that was not gonna be my question. 1686 01:12:03,605 --> 01:12:05,805 I can't believe you were just over there just thinking you 1687 01:12:05,805 --> 01:12:07,525 knew and making assumptions. 1688 01:12:07,885 --> 01:12:10,285 I just can't believe it. And he goes, fine. 1689 01:12:10,435 --> 01:12:14,485 What was your question? I go, I was gonna ask if 1690 01:12:15,465 --> 01:12:19,245 you would be willing to make side quests, not just go 1691 01:12:19,245 --> 01:12:20,565 to Grainger to pick up the delrin. 1692 01:12:20,785 --> 01:12:23,125 And if you were, could I go with you? And yes. 1693 01:12:23,305 --> 01:12:24,965 One of those side quests would be 1694 01:12:24,965 --> 01:12:26,605 to get a Diet Coke, but that was 1695 01:12:26,605 --> 01:12:27,885 - Not so, and I told her, 1696 01:12:28,125 --> 01:12:30,405 I said there was still a Diet Coke in there. 1697 01:12:31,135 --> 01:12:32,365 There was still . 1698 01:12:33,305 --> 01:12:35,245 - But I was not asking you to bring me one. 1699 01:12:35,565 --> 01:12:38,045 I was asking you to bring me to a place where I could get my 1700 01:12:38,185 --> 01:12:39,185 - Own. 1701 01:12:39,185 --> 01:12:42,325 If I, if I had said, I just want to go to Grainger 1702 01:12:42,325 --> 01:12:43,685 and come home and not do anything else, 1703 01:12:44,185 --> 01:12:45,405 you probably would've said, well, 1704 01:12:45,405 --> 01:12:46,845 can't you stop and get me a diet Coke? 1705 01:12:46,945 --> 01:12:49,005 - No, I would not have . No. 1706 01:12:49,045 --> 01:12:50,725 I would not have, I would've found a reason 1707 01:12:50,785 --> 01:12:53,005 to explain why I needed to go run my own errands 1708 01:12:53,265 --> 01:12:55,165 and I would've gone and gotten my cell phone . 1709 01:12:55,755 --> 01:12:57,085 Look, I don't wanna ask you 1710 01:12:57,085 --> 01:12:58,605 to bring me back something when you 1711 01:12:58,605 --> 01:12:59,845 weren't already planning on making that stop. 1712 01:13:00,405 --> 01:13:03,285 I want you to think of me so much 1713 01:13:03,305 --> 01:13:05,445 and go, what would make my baby girl happy? 1714 01:13:06,225 --> 01:13:09,685 Let me of my own volition stop and get the Diet Coke 1715 01:13:09,945 --> 01:13:13,205 and surprise her with it because surprises make her happy. 1716 01:13:14,145 --> 01:13:15,365 That's what I want from you. 1717 01:13:16,115 --> 01:13:18,845 I'll go get my own fucking diet Coke. Thanks. And I do. 1718 01:13:22,505 --> 01:13:25,565 Um, so apparently in that same episode, UA says, uh, 1719 01:13:25,575 --> 01:13:27,725 share my, uh, thoughts about soft dom versus hard. 1720 01:13:27,745 --> 01:13:29,565 Do I know we did that episode? 1721 01:13:30,145 --> 01:13:32,205 Um, did I, did did I yell 1722 01:13:32,205 --> 01:13:35,045 and rant about soft dom versus hard dom? I think I did. 1723 01:13:35,205 --> 01:13:38,005 - I I don't remember which child. Which child. 1724 01:13:38,105 --> 01:13:42,765 Oh, I, oh, okay. One of several, 1725 01:13:43,305 --> 01:13:44,305 - The youngest woke up. 1726 01:13:45,235 --> 01:13:47,205 - Okay, - Well youngest has kind of been going through 1727 01:13:47,205 --> 01:13:48,205 - It. 1728 01:13:48,205 --> 01:13:49,725 Yeah. So, yep. 1729 01:13:50,625 --> 01:13:51,965 - I'm letting him sleep late and not 1730 01:13:53,125 --> 01:13:54,125 - . 1731 01:13:55,345 --> 01:13:58,325 So yeah, we got some, some errands to run. Mm-Hmm. 1732 01:13:58,365 --> 01:13:59,365 , 1733 01:13:59,485 --> 01:14:01,045 - I ranted so hard. 1734 01:14:01,185 --> 01:14:02,605 I'm not even chili anymore. 1735 01:14:02,785 --> 01:14:05,365 My, I have too many clothes on . Wow. 1736 01:14:05,585 --> 01:14:07,965 And could really go with shorts and a T-shirt right now. 1737 01:14:08,165 --> 01:14:09,525 - . It's so warm. 1738 01:14:13,155 --> 01:14:17,845 - Yeah. Look, when it comes to terms that are new-ish 1739 01:14:18,155 --> 01:14:19,565 that the internet invented Mm-Hmm. 1740 01:14:19,685 --> 01:14:22,845 I try not to be the curmudgeon who's like, we didn't use 1741 01:14:22,955 --> 01:14:24,405 that term in my day. 1742 01:14:25,245 --> 01:14:27,725 - I know. - I just think I'm not meant, I'm not. It's, 1743 01:14:27,925 --> 01:14:29,005 - I mean, let's, I'm not meant for, for 1744 01:14:29,215 --> 01:14:31,005 - Let's - Be, let's let's be honest here. 1745 01:14:31,225 --> 01:14:33,885 You know, I I also thought, you know, 1746 01:14:33,885 --> 01:14:37,525 this could be something like, you know, the, the, uh, 1747 01:14:37,825 --> 01:14:39,725 the kids are, you know, 1748 01:14:40,085 --> 01:14:42,245 reinventing the language for themselves. 1749 01:14:42,365 --> 01:14:45,165 I mean, let's face it half the time talking to the 1750 01:14:45,765 --> 01:14:47,685 18-year-old, we need a dictionary of 1751 01:14:48,025 --> 01:14:49,045 - We don't what he's saying. 1752 01:14:49,045 --> 01:14:51,085 - Yeah. . But no, I think my problem is, 1753 01:14:51,385 --> 01:14:52,845 and this is this is a me thing. 1754 01:14:53,455 --> 01:14:57,525 Early days of a term, a new phrase, a new word 1755 01:14:58,185 --> 01:14:59,685 are imperfect days. 1756 01:15:00,035 --> 01:15:04,165 Like they're just, it's, you know, it's clumsy 1757 01:15:04,305 --> 01:15:07,885 and awkward and it's not quite the right definition. 1758 01:15:07,905 --> 01:15:09,605 And over time, as more and more people use it 1759 01:15:09,605 --> 01:15:11,565 and it picks up steam and it, you know Mm-Hmm. 1760 01:15:11,605 --> 01:15:14,485 , you know, it gets defined for people 1761 01:15:14,485 --> 01:15:16,525 and people share their personal definition. 1762 01:15:16,545 --> 01:15:20,765 And like in, I don't know, 20 years Alpha sub 1763 01:15:21,475 --> 01:15:24,205 will probably annoy me a little less hard. 1764 01:15:24,465 --> 01:15:28,205 Dom soft dom, I don't think I got ranty in that episode. 1765 01:15:28,365 --> 01:15:31,485 I think I could see where people would get that from. 1766 01:15:31,485 --> 01:15:32,885 Mm-Hmm. . But I think I was not a fan. 1767 01:15:33,045 --> 01:15:35,565 I can't remember. I can't remember A Silent says it 1768 01:15:35,565 --> 01:15:36,925 was episode 2 98. 1769 01:15:37,025 --> 01:15:40,045 We are on episode 3 85. Yeah. It's been a while. 1770 01:15:40,745 --> 01:15:43,645 Uh, Um, 1771 01:15:44,265 --> 01:15:47,045 and I, I promise y'all, I say what I need to say. 1772 01:15:47,245 --> 01:15:48,925 I mean it in the moment. And it's sort 1773 01:15:48,925 --> 01:15:51,725 of like when I read a book the moment I'm done, gone, gone, 1774 01:15:51,725 --> 01:15:53,125 couldn't tell you exactly what I said, 1775 01:15:53,375 --> 01:15:55,245 which is hard when people find old content 1776 01:15:55,345 --> 01:15:57,445 and they're commenting on things I said, then I'm like, 1777 01:15:57,445 --> 01:15:59,845 oh fuck, what did I say to actually respond to that? 1778 01:16:00,345 --> 01:16:01,925 I'd have to go back and listen 1779 01:16:01,925 --> 01:16:04,325 because I know how I feel about a thing today. 1780 01:16:05,305 --> 01:16:08,645 But what, how did I describe it three years ago? I dunno. 1781 01:16:09,325 --> 01:16:10,325 . 1782 01:16:11,195 --> 01:16:15,485 - Yeah. - Yeah. I get it. 1783 01:16:16,025 --> 01:16:17,125 - So, - Yeah. 1784 01:16:18,665 --> 01:16:21,845 Um, what else? 1785 01:16:24,015 --> 01:16:27,205 We're gonna go see, we saw the 18-year-old this past Sunday. 1786 01:16:27,465 --> 01:16:29,565 Yes. He needed to go get groceries. Mm-Hmm. . 1787 01:16:29,565 --> 01:16:31,165 And I was like, oh, you need me for something? Yes. 1788 01:16:31,165 --> 01:16:32,165 Let's go. Right. 1789 01:16:32,385 --> 01:16:33,885 Um, and then we'll see him this Sunday 1790 01:16:34,085 --> 01:16:35,485 'cause he is got a performance That's right. 1791 01:16:35,485 --> 01:16:37,085 Where they're playing a p He is y'all, 1792 01:16:37,085 --> 01:16:38,245 he's 18, he's a freshman. 1793 01:16:38,515 --> 01:16:39,805 They're playing a piece. 1794 01:16:39,945 --> 01:16:43,445 He composed that impressed his professor and, 1795 01:16:43,625 --> 01:16:44,845 - And he will be conducting. 1796 01:16:44,935 --> 01:16:48,805 - Right. I mean, there are seniors in this group 1797 01:16:48,805 --> 01:16:51,325 that he plays with that are like, damn, this is good. 1798 01:16:51,675 --> 01:16:53,205 Damn. This is, I'm like, ah. 1799 01:16:53,495 --> 01:16:56,925 - Right. - My baby with a talent. I love it. Mm-Hmm. 1800 01:16:56,965 --> 01:16:58,005 . Um, and he's so excited. 1801 01:16:58,585 --> 01:17:01,405 Um, so we'll do that this weekend. 1802 01:17:03,395 --> 01:17:05,125 It's just same old, same old around here. Yeah. 1803 01:17:05,285 --> 01:17:08,125 I mean, we're making paddles and selling paddles and Mm-Hmm. 1804 01:17:08,165 --> 01:17:09,205 doing shit. And, 1805 01:17:09,385 --> 01:17:11,045 - And right now we're going through another bout 1806 01:17:11,065 --> 01:17:12,285 of, uh, Florida winter. 1807 01:17:12,655 --> 01:17:14,125 - Right, right, right, right. Yeah. 1808 01:17:14,265 --> 01:17:16,205 Uh, get to wear my fuzzy socks every day. I like that. 1809 01:17:16,205 --> 01:17:19,845 Mm-Hmm. . So I think that's it. Yeah. 1810 01:17:19,845 --> 01:17:21,525 - That, that's about it. I mean, we've, 1811 01:17:21,525 --> 01:17:24,685 we've just been plugging along, you know, doing 1812 01:17:25,235 --> 01:17:26,925 what we do and Mm-Hmm. 1813 01:17:27,165 --> 01:17:29,125 - , - You know. Mm-Hmm. . 1814 01:17:29,305 --> 01:17:32,525 - Mm-Hmm. . Yep. 1815 01:17:33,185 --> 01:17:36,525 So I guess we can be done. Oh, I'm feeling weird. 1816 01:17:36,555 --> 01:17:40,645 Like a achy pains that are, I don't know if 1817 01:17:41,725 --> 01:17:45,885 - Probably 'cause you, uh, ex exerted yourself with so much. 1818 01:17:45,905 --> 01:17:47,925 Uh, probably passion there, you know, 1819 01:17:48,145 --> 01:17:49,685 - Tensed up my whole body. 1820 01:17:50,005 --> 01:17:51,885 and it's, the muscles are just starting 1821 01:17:51,885 --> 01:17:54,645 to Unc Unclench one at a time. 1822 01:17:55,165 --> 01:18:00,045 . Okay. . So I guess we're gonna go Yep. 1823 01:18:00,465 --> 01:18:01,925 And we will see y'all next week. Mm-Hmm. 1824 01:18:01,965 --> 01:18:04,485 , uh, thank y'all for being here. 1825 01:18:04,495 --> 01:18:06,125 Uhhuh . So the better end. Yeah. 1826 01:18:06,265 --> 01:18:08,245 And thank you for indulging when I need 1827 01:18:08,245 --> 01:18:09,645 to scream into the void. 1828 01:18:09,645 --> 01:18:10,965 That is the internet. . 1829 01:18:11,265 --> 01:18:12,205 I'm not really screaming into the 1830 01:18:12,205 --> 01:18:13,165 void. I'm screaming at y'all. 1831 01:18:13,915 --> 01:18:15,645 - Okay. Mm-Hmm, . - Okay. 1832 01:18:15,865 --> 01:18:17,005 - All right. - Bye. 1833 01:18:17,665 --> 01:18:17,885 - Bye.