1 00:00:10,705 --> 00:00:12,605 - You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast. 2 00:00:12,625 --> 00:00:15,765 What's her name? I don't know. Episode 3 84. Wow. 3 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:16,805 Right outta the gate, honey. I know. 4 00:00:17,265 --> 00:00:18,965 Uh, just tells you how this whole episode 5 00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:20,045 is probably gonna go . 6 00:00:20,075 --> 00:00:21,645 Real Professionals would rerecord. 7 00:00:22,225 --> 00:00:23,325 We are not real professionals. 8 00:00:23,685 --> 00:00:25,485 , uh, Kayla Lord's here with the one, the only, 9 00:00:25,545 --> 00:00:27,845 the e You can't stop laughing at me, John Brownstone. 10 00:00:28,005 --> 00:00:29,725 - I can't. Not, not, no. I 11 00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:30,725 - Can't. 12 00:00:30,725 --> 00:00:32,525 Glad I can amuse you. So glad I can amuse you. Mm-Hmm. 13 00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:34,325 . Look, these kinds of episodes we're doing 14 00:00:34,405 --> 00:00:36,445 A-B-D-S-M Reddit response tend to be chaotic. 15 00:00:36,955 --> 00:00:39,925 True. I feel like it's just truth in advertising 16 00:00:39,985 --> 00:00:41,965 to start in the very first sentence, the chaos to let 17 00:00:42,045 --> 00:00:43,045 - 'em know what they're getting into. 18 00:00:43,055 --> 00:00:45,285 - Right. If you're new here. Yep. Yep. Nope. 19 00:00:45,355 --> 00:00:48,045 This, this is, this is it. This is what it is. This is it. 20 00:00:48,385 --> 00:00:51,045 Uh, each week, the extremeness of 21 00:00:51,045 --> 00:00:52,565 how chaotic it is will vary. 22 00:00:52,665 --> 00:00:54,725 Mm-Hmm. . But there's always chaos. Yep. Yeah. 23 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,845 That, that's not what, that's not what we're here for yet. 24 00:00:56,865 --> 00:00:58,845 No. We're here for the BDSM Reddit response. Yeah. 25 00:00:58,845 --> 00:01:02,405 Will there be rants? I have no idea. Most likely. 26 00:01:02,805 --> 00:01:05,005 I mean, you never know. You never know. 27 00:01:05,385 --> 00:01:08,005 Anyway, welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast, . 28 00:01:08,005 --> 00:01:09,685 If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. 29 00:01:09,685 --> 00:01:10,925 If you're back for another week, welcome back. 30 00:01:11,025 --> 00:01:12,965 Loving BD SM is produced every Monday 31 00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:14,725 and Friday for your kinky pleasure and education. 32 00:01:14,725 --> 00:01:17,245 And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 33 00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:19,205 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast 34 00:01:19,305 --> 00:01:20,645 to your favorite podcast app. 35 00:01:20,865 --> 00:01:22,925 You can also follow the show on FetLife at Loving 36 00:01:23,435 --> 00:01:26,365 BDSM PC on Instagram and threads at that handle. 37 00:01:26,485 --> 00:01:28,765 I will forever fucking hate 38 00:01:28,945 --> 00:01:30,405 Loving Ds, and the number one. 39 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,245 So that's at Loving DS one. 40 00:01:32,545 --> 00:01:35,125 Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving 41 00:01:35,515 --> 00:01:36,605 bdsm, where you can watch us live. 42 00:01:36,605 --> 00:01:38,125 Stream the podcast every Wednesday. 43 00:01:38,505 --> 00:01:41,005 All links are in the show notes. Okay. 44 00:01:41,265 --> 00:01:43,445 Before we get into this week's 45 00:01:43,445 --> 00:01:44,605 episode, we've got a couple of things. 46 00:01:44,625 --> 00:01:48,085 Mm-Hmm. first one is this Friday night, um, 47 00:01:48,505 --> 00:01:50,165 for podcast listeners. 48 00:01:50,305 --> 00:01:51,605 The day this episode comes out. 49 00:01:51,885 --> 00:01:55,205 Friday, February 16th is our monthly, uh, 50 00:01:55,205 --> 00:01:58,925 Friday night live stream starts at 9:30 PM Eastern, uh, 51 00:01:59,155 --> 00:02:00,845 goes usually until about midnight. 52 00:02:00,945 --> 00:02:03,805 But, eh, it varies. Give or take. Give or take. Right? 53 00:02:03,805 --> 00:02:07,005 It's a hangout. It's a q and a. It's a, we, excuse me. 54 00:02:07,005 --> 00:02:09,085 We're probably gonna talk about food, drink 55 00:02:09,185 --> 00:02:10,365 and childhood memories. 56 00:02:10,395 --> 00:02:12,645 Like we just, it gets really random. There's 57 00:02:12,645 --> 00:02:13,725 - A lot of ridiculousness. 58 00:02:14,025 --> 00:02:15,445 - So much ridiculousness. Excuse me. 59 00:02:15,665 --> 00:02:19,645 Uh, Lola is whimpering running, making noise in her sleep. 60 00:02:20,065 --> 00:02:23,525 Uh, I don't know if the, the mic's picked that up. . 61 00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:27,645 She is. I hope that's a good dream. 62 00:02:28,825 --> 00:02:33,085 Um, but she's very active in her sleep. So yeah. 63 00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:36,045 We'll have the, the live stream going Friday night. 64 00:02:36,665 --> 00:02:40,405 Um, I'll put the link out in multiple places 65 00:02:40,625 --> 00:02:42,765 for anybody who's maybe not subscribed to us on YouTube, 66 00:02:42,785 --> 00:02:43,965 but if you, you need a negative 67 00:02:43,965 --> 00:02:45,165 excuse, feel free to subscribe. 68 00:02:45,505 --> 00:02:49,965 So that's happening. Okay. This next one is a serious one. 69 00:02:50,585 --> 00:02:54,445 Um, there is a trigger warning for suicide. 70 00:02:54,845 --> 00:02:56,605 I think this will take three to five minutes. 71 00:02:56,745 --> 00:02:59,405 So if you're watching live, just mute us 72 00:02:59,585 --> 00:03:00,965 and then come back in a few minutes. 73 00:03:01,465 --> 00:03:03,645 Um, I'll put timestamps on YouTube 74 00:03:03,745 --> 00:03:06,685 and for podcast listeners, um, I will try 75 00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:08,965 to tell you in the show notes exactly how far forward 76 00:03:09,025 --> 00:03:10,605 to fast forward from this. 77 00:03:10,805 --> 00:03:14,405 I hope I have stalled enough to give people time to leave 78 00:03:14,545 --> 00:03:17,685 who do not want to hear the rest of this. 79 00:03:17,875 --> 00:03:20,565 Okay. I'm gonna be kind of light on details 80 00:03:20,845 --> 00:03:22,365 'cause it's not a thing that happened to us. 81 00:03:22,475 --> 00:03:23,805 It's a thing we were made aware of. 82 00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:27,485 Um, the Atlanta Georgia kink community, um, 83 00:03:28,205 --> 00:03:31,325 suffered an awful tragedy last weekend. 84 00:03:31,475 --> 00:03:35,645 Yeah. Yeah. Um, there was a, uh, dungeon party going on. 85 00:03:35,685 --> 00:03:38,805 I, I believe the establishment's called the farm, um, 86 00:03:39,335 --> 00:03:43,645 where an individual came into the party with a gun 87 00:03:43,785 --> 00:03:44,845 and took their own life. 88 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,645 The first time I heard about it, I cried. 89 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,805 The second time I cried harder. 90 00:03:50,345 --> 00:03:52,245 Um, there were about a hundred people at that party. 91 00:03:52,245 --> 00:03:53,245 Nobody else was hurt. 92 00:03:53,425 --> 00:03:57,845 Um, and people tried to help this person immediately, 93 00:03:58,625 --> 00:04:01,765 and it did not end well. 94 00:04:02,385 --> 00:04:05,565 Um, I tell you all that to tell you that one, kind 95 00:04:05,565 --> 00:04:09,205 of keep the Atlanta community in, in your thoughts 96 00:04:09,225 --> 00:04:11,365 and good vibes, like however you work 97 00:04:11,365 --> 00:04:12,605 with the universe in that way. 98 00:04:13,265 --> 00:04:15,645 Um, if you are a member of that community, um, 99 00:04:16,185 --> 00:04:17,725 our hearts go out to you. 100 00:04:17,845 --> 00:04:19,565 I, I cannot imagine. Yeah. I cannot imagine. 101 00:04:20,225 --> 00:04:23,965 Um, the other reason I am, we are talking about this, is 102 00:04:24,075 --> 00:04:26,805 that, um, the farm, 103 00:04:26,805 --> 00:04:31,085 essentially the organizers have set up a GoFundMe, um, 104 00:04:32,025 --> 00:04:36,125 to help, uh, attendees who were, uh, impacted by this. 105 00:04:36,585 --> 00:04:39,525 If they need therapy counseling, help in any way to deal 106 00:04:39,525 --> 00:04:40,645 with the aftermath of this, 107 00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:43,285 they don't want cost to be a barrier to them. 108 00:04:43,305 --> 00:04:45,405 So they have set up a GoFundMe to raise the money 109 00:04:45,945 --> 00:04:48,565 to then pay out whatever they need to pay out. 110 00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:50,765 A lot of information is on FetLife. 111 00:04:50,825 --> 00:04:52,165 If you're a podcast listener, 112 00:04:52,175 --> 00:04:53,445 those links will be in the show notes. 113 00:04:53,555 --> 00:04:56,125 YouTube hates FetLife links, so I cannot link 114 00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:59,565 to the FetLife stuff, but I have linked to the GoFundMe. 115 00:05:00,105 --> 00:05:03,565 Um, yeah, 116 00:05:05,185 --> 00:05:07,325 if you are on FetLife and just wanna try 117 00:05:07,325 --> 00:05:08,645 and search for those links, if you look 118 00:05:08,845 --> 00:05:11,365 for the farm in Atlanta, it'll, you'll, you'll get to 119 00:05:11,365 --> 00:05:13,925 where you, um, need to find the information. 120 00:05:14,405 --> 00:05:18,685 I wanna say it's Archer 1969 is the person who's been 121 00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:19,685 posting about that. 122 00:05:20,405 --> 00:05:22,245 I don't know anything about the Atlanta community, 123 00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,925 so I don't know the people involved in Mm-Hmm. 124 00:05:24,965 --> 00:05:26,285 all. I don't know any of that. 125 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,645 I don't, I think 126 00:05:28,165 --> 00:05:31,325 Archer 1969 is like the organizer owner 127 00:05:31,325 --> 00:05:32,485 of the farm, but I don't know that. 128 00:05:33,065 --> 00:05:36,205 Um, so I say that all to say that one, our hearts go out 129 00:05:36,585 --> 00:05:37,605 to the Atlanta community. 130 00:05:37,745 --> 00:05:39,085 Yes, definitely. 131 00:05:39,225 --> 00:05:41,885 Um, also, we, we don't have a lot, but we did donate. 132 00:05:42,085 --> 00:05:44,405 I would say if you have a, a dollar to your name 133 00:05:44,425 --> 00:05:48,165 and can spare it every little bit helps. 134 00:05:48,275 --> 00:05:49,525 Yeah. Um, you can be, 135 00:05:49,545 --> 00:05:51,605 if you've never done GoFundMe, you can stay anonymous. 136 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,085 You do not have to have your name out there, 137 00:05:54,465 --> 00:05:55,485 um, for people to see. 138 00:05:55,905 --> 00:05:57,605 Um, so we have linked to the GoFundMe 139 00:05:57,605 --> 00:06:00,165 and all the places, uh, for the podcast show notes, 140 00:06:00,565 --> 00:06:01,885 on our website. 141 00:06:02,065 --> 00:06:05,525 We ha we'll link to the FetLife links for anybody who wants 142 00:06:05,545 --> 00:06:08,045 to kind of read a little bit more, 143 00:06:08,145 --> 00:06:09,285 see what happened, or, Mm-Hmm. 144 00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:10,405 reach out to anybody. Maybe 145 00:06:10,405 --> 00:06:11,445 there's folks, you know, or whatever. 146 00:06:11,625 --> 00:06:16,445 So, yeah. That's, that's awful. And that's a mm-Hmm. 147 00:06:16,525 --> 00:06:19,805 heavy, heavy topic. 148 00:06:20,385 --> 00:06:22,645 Um, but it was important for us to Yes. 149 00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:26,165 Share, especially if the com, you know, some of our members 150 00:06:26,165 --> 00:06:28,205 of our community can come together 151 00:06:28,205 --> 00:06:29,325 and we can help that community. 152 00:06:29,325 --> 00:06:33,045 Then let's try and do it. Um, okay. 153 00:06:34,105 --> 00:06:37,085 Um, taking a breath for a second. 154 00:06:38,385 --> 00:06:41,525 Now we're gonna get into the Reddit stuff. Okay. 155 00:06:41,585 --> 00:06:44,325 Uh, I don't know how to segue. I'm not good at segues. 156 00:06:45,665 --> 00:06:48,205 So, we're, we're gonna, now that I've brought the room down, 157 00:06:48,255 --> 00:06:50,445 maybe somebody will piss me off enough that I'll rant. 158 00:06:50,495 --> 00:06:55,005 Let's, let's see. Let us see. Okay. 159 00:06:55,275 --> 00:06:58,965 Okay. First one. It is a little long, so bear with me. 160 00:06:59,325 --> 00:07:01,605 'cause you know, for podcast listeners, you cannot see this. 161 00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:03,565 But I have to lean into the screen 162 00:07:03,745 --> 00:07:05,925 and look through the bottom edge of my glasses. 163 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,685 'cause I have old eyes now. Okay. Title. 164 00:07:10,525 --> 00:07:13,925 I feel so ashamed being kinky in a vanilla relationship. 165 00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:16,005 Me, female 22, 166 00:07:16,025 --> 00:07:19,445 and my partner male 24, have been together four years now. 167 00:07:19,445 --> 00:07:21,205 Everything is great except the sex. 168 00:07:21,765 --> 00:07:23,165 I don't feel satisfied at all. 169 00:07:23,325 --> 00:07:24,325 I feel like something's missing. 170 00:07:24,465 --> 00:07:26,765 He is the most plain Jane, vanilla guy you can think of. 171 00:07:26,785 --> 00:07:28,765 And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just not me. 172 00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:32,125 I've tried explaining kink and BDSM to him multiple times. 173 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,245 He doesn't get it and is not interested. 174 00:07:34,425 --> 00:07:37,085 He thinks BDSM slash kink is a result of trauma 175 00:07:37,185 --> 00:07:38,765 and people in toxic relationships. 176 00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:41,245 This makes me feel like something is wrong with me. 177 00:07:41,365 --> 00:07:42,965 I feel guilty for not being satisfied 178 00:07:42,965 --> 00:07:44,405 with quote, normal sex. 179 00:07:44,835 --> 00:07:47,525 I've tried suggesting a play partner for kink purposes, 180 00:07:47,525 --> 00:07:48,645 and he's not into that either. 181 00:07:48,955 --> 00:07:50,485 Granted, he has tried. 182 00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:53,005 We bought a flogger leash, gag rope, 183 00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,485 and blindfold once he would try the flogger and rope, 184 00:07:55,545 --> 00:07:57,485 but barely, he doesn't like taking 185 00:07:57,485 --> 00:07:58,605 control or being dominant. 186 00:07:58,665 --> 00:08:00,605 And as a sub, I can feel that energy. 187 00:08:00,945 --> 00:08:03,565 So when he lazily attempts something I feel should be taken 188 00:08:03,565 --> 00:08:05,885 more seriously, I feel his lack of confidence. 189 00:08:06,225 --> 00:08:07,485 The Blindfold blindfolding gag 190 00:08:07,485 --> 00:08:08,685 freaked him out when I put it on. 191 00:08:08,985 --> 00:08:11,205 He tried spanking, choking, and slapping me, 192 00:08:11,345 --> 00:08:13,485 but he doesn't know how to properly do impact place. 193 00:08:13,485 --> 00:08:15,245 So it always hurts me in the bad way. 194 00:08:15,465 --> 00:08:18,085 And we don't do it anymore. He doesn't do dirty talk either. 195 00:08:18,405 --> 00:08:20,885 I need something to give here. I'm just not happy. 196 00:08:21,405 --> 00:08:22,605 I secretly want to leave him. 197 00:08:22,665 --> 00:08:24,205 It feels vain to break up over sex. 198 00:08:24,265 --> 00:08:27,445 But anyone in kink knows it's so much more than that. 199 00:08:28,085 --> 00:08:29,885 I can't break up with them for at least another month 200 00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:32,245 because my situation requires, I depend on them. 201 00:08:32,305 --> 00:08:34,245 Mm-Hmm. . I can't help feeling like an outcast 202 00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:35,565 and weirdo for my kinks 203 00:08:35,565 --> 00:08:36,805 that have always come naturally to me. 204 00:08:37,165 --> 00:08:38,365 I think BDSM dynamics 205 00:08:38,365 --> 00:08:40,205 between two people are beautiful and should be cherished. 206 00:08:40,265 --> 00:08:41,765 The dominance, submissive relationship is 207 00:08:41,765 --> 00:08:43,005 so much more than just a kink. 208 00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:45,485 To me. It's about giving and taking from each other. 209 00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:47,925 Releasing emotions, finding and setting boundaries. 210 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,765 It's about love. I know it can also just be 211 00:08:50,765 --> 00:08:52,005 casual, but for me it's not. 212 00:08:52,185 --> 00:08:54,885 Is that so weird? I know I went off track. 213 00:08:55,205 --> 00:08:57,245 I don't have kink friends to discuss this matter with. 214 00:08:57,275 --> 00:09:00,005 Does anyone else have experience in a vanilla relationship? 215 00:09:00,105 --> 00:09:01,845 How did it work out? And is that even possible? 216 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,965 I am not gonna answer her questions. 217 00:09:04,205 --> 00:09:05,685 'cause that to me is not the important part. 218 00:09:05,685 --> 00:09:08,005 That's what Reddit was there to help her with. Yeah. 219 00:09:08,225 --> 00:09:10,245 Uh, but I have so many thoughts, but, okay. 220 00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,765 Before I suck up all the oxygen, feel free go, go 221 00:09:13,045 --> 00:09:14,045 - For it. 222 00:09:14,045 --> 00:09:16,925 Well, you know, I, I'm reading this 223 00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:23,445 and, and I can kind of commiserate because being 224 00:09:23,715 --> 00:09:24,245 - Yeah. You've been 225 00:09:24,245 --> 00:09:25,245 - There. 226 00:09:25,245 --> 00:09:27,045 Being in a vanilla relationship when you are 227 00:09:27,285 --> 00:09:28,885 kinky is not easy. 228 00:09:29,025 --> 00:09:30,805 Mm-Hmm. , uh, it's not fun. 229 00:09:32,085 --> 00:09:36,005 I know for me, I tamped down my kink side. Mm-Hmm. 230 00:09:36,045 --> 00:09:38,445 , because, you know, same thing 231 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,605 that this person said, you know, 232 00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:43,765 feel weird is something wrong with me? 233 00:09:43,865 --> 00:09:46,085 Mm-Hmm. kind of thing, you know, 234 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,805 because it's not the 235 00:09:49,665 --> 00:09:51,445 - Air - Quote normal, no air quote, normal. 236 00:09:51,615 --> 00:09:55,685 Right. And, uh, you know, it, 237 00:09:55,825 --> 00:09:57,045 it can weigh on you. 238 00:09:57,605 --> 00:10:01,445 I also know from my experience and, 239 00:10:01,505 --> 00:10:04,205 and from others, you know, you can tamp that kind 240 00:10:04,205 --> 00:10:05,405 of thing down for a while. 241 00:10:05,465 --> 00:10:08,765 Mm-Hmm. . Um, but it don't stay down. Right. 242 00:10:08,945 --> 00:10:11,405 You know, it, it, it can manifest in, 243 00:10:11,585 --> 00:10:12,845 in a number of different ways. 244 00:10:13,865 --> 00:10:18,445 And, uh, yeah. It ain't, it ain't, it can, it's not pretty. 245 00:10:18,775 --> 00:10:19,775 Right. 246 00:10:20,265 --> 00:10:22,205 - Here's the - Thing. Okay. Here's the thing. 247 00:10:22,595 --> 00:10:24,645 , here we go, folks. Here's 248 00:10:24,645 --> 00:10:25,645 - The thing. 249 00:10:25,645 --> 00:10:28,805 So I think if a person is like, 250 00:10:29,025 --> 00:10:30,965 I'm casually interested in kink, 251 00:10:31,265 --> 00:10:33,845 but I, it's not an important part of who I am, 252 00:10:34,315 --> 00:10:36,605 that if you go, okay, I'm with a partner who's not into it. 253 00:10:36,685 --> 00:10:39,365 I think ultimately you can probably be okay with it. Mm-Hmm. 254 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,005 , if there's enough else, that's good. 255 00:10:41,805 --> 00:10:45,485 Whatever. Yeah. But this person described a way 256 00:10:45,485 --> 00:10:46,525 of seeing kink 257 00:10:46,525 --> 00:10:49,245 and power exchange that I like very much relate to. 258 00:10:49,265 --> 00:10:52,285 It is how it's similar to how I would describe it. Yeah. 259 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:55,045 Which means this is not a casual, I'm just kind of like, 260 00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:56,165 here to try some kinky sex. 261 00:10:56,235 --> 00:10:57,605 This is something this person wants. 262 00:10:57,705 --> 00:10:59,085 And here's the problem I find, 263 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:00,325 and sometimes we can't help it. 264 00:11:00,325 --> 00:11:04,285 And I get it. When you are around somebody who both sort 265 00:11:04,285 --> 00:11:08,045 of negates the thing you like and finds it weird 266 00:11:08,185 --> 00:11:11,885 or freaks out, that is how you start in part going, 267 00:11:11,945 --> 00:11:12,965 oh, this isn't normal. 268 00:11:13,285 --> 00:11:16,205 I feel bad. I just should want normal sex. . 269 00:11:16,205 --> 00:11:17,885 This person, on the one hand, 270 00:11:17,905 --> 00:11:20,645 can articulate their feelings about what is important 271 00:11:20,645 --> 00:11:22,405 to them in power exchange and kink. 272 00:11:22,625 --> 00:11:25,085 And on the other hand, because they're exposed to a partner 273 00:11:25,145 --> 00:11:27,445 who they are clearly incompatible with, 274 00:11:28,835 --> 00:11:31,605 they then have shame and doubt creep in 275 00:11:31,605 --> 00:11:33,525 because that is what they are surrounded by. 276 00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:35,245 Because they don't have kink friends. 277 00:11:35,525 --> 00:11:37,285 'cause I, I feel like if they had kink friends, 278 00:11:37,285 --> 00:11:38,725 if they had a munch to go to, if 279 00:11:38,725 --> 00:11:39,925 - They had, if they had that community 280 00:11:39,925 --> 00:11:41,565 that helped support them, what's 281 00:11:41,565 --> 00:11:42,565 - That group? 282 00:11:42,565 --> 00:11:43,925 They had a chat text thing going 283 00:11:44,025 --> 00:11:45,565 and they could go, oh my God, 284 00:11:46,145 --> 00:11:47,525 my partner just said this to me. 285 00:11:47,525 --> 00:11:49,165 And I feel bad about it. The kink friends, 286 00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:50,245 the good ones would be like, 287 00:11:50,765 --> 00:11:52,125 'cause they don't fucking get it. 288 00:11:52,305 --> 00:11:53,485 And what you want is great, 289 00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:57,045 and it could be a little bit more normalized for them, 290 00:11:57,065 --> 00:11:59,005 and it could be validated for them. 291 00:11:59,005 --> 00:12:01,365 They're not getting any validation that the thing 292 00:12:01,365 --> 00:12:03,205 that they articulate well, 293 00:12:03,205 --> 00:12:06,285 that they understand can be beautiful is okay to have. 294 00:12:06,305 --> 00:12:10,485 And so now they're with somebody who could, could be a, 295 00:12:10,645 --> 00:12:14,245 a wonderful human being clearly is not right for them. 296 00:12:14,535 --> 00:12:18,765 Right. And they're spending a life with a person who is 297 00:12:19,725 --> 00:12:21,725 diminishing the things that are very important to 'em. 298 00:12:21,725 --> 00:12:24,765 There. I don't think that person's diminishing them in a, 299 00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:29,125 um, negative way in a, in a toxic way. 300 00:12:29,365 --> 00:12:31,685 I think that person has very clear preferences. 301 00:12:31,755 --> 00:12:33,605 This person has very clear preferences. Mm-Hmm. 302 00:12:33,645 --> 00:12:36,725 . And we're talking about at least a het 303 00:12:36,795 --> 00:12:40,485 appearing, uh, relationship where 304 00:12:41,075 --> 00:12:43,325 this person's like, is it okay to to, 305 00:12:43,465 --> 00:12:45,165 to want better sex that I'm getting? 306 00:12:45,505 --> 00:12:48,605 Mm-Hmm. . Yes, my dear. It's okay. . 307 00:12:48,715 --> 00:12:53,005 Yeah. It sexual incompatibility gets to be, 308 00:12:53,175 --> 00:12:54,525 maybe not for everybody, 309 00:12:54,625 --> 00:12:57,285 but it gets to be a factor in deciding if 310 00:12:57,285 --> 00:12:58,445 this is a person you wanna be with. 311 00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:00,165 For some people, it won't matter. Right. 312 00:13:00,185 --> 00:13:02,485 The sexual incompatibility will not be a deciding factor. 313 00:13:02,545 --> 00:13:06,005 It won't matter enough to them. For others it will matter. 314 00:13:06,305 --> 00:13:07,965 And that gets to be okay. 315 00:13:08,025 --> 00:13:10,805 And that is the message I want more people to realize. 316 00:13:10,805 --> 00:13:12,325 Like, you wouldn't, you know, 317 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:15,285 you would find them incompatible if they lived an entire 318 00:13:15,285 --> 00:13:17,765 lifestyle that a vanilla lifestyle 319 00:13:17,765 --> 00:13:19,245 that you absolutely hated. 320 00:13:19,505 --> 00:13:22,565 You. And I would never have worked if your every spare 321 00:13:22,565 --> 00:13:25,165 moment was spent camping, fishing. 322 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,245 I mean, you liked camp, you liked to fish. Yeah. 323 00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:28,805 But if it was like you were a mountain 324 00:13:28,805 --> 00:13:30,165 climber, you were a surfer. 325 00:13:30,165 --> 00:13:32,685 If you were out there doing the things, I'd be like, 326 00:13:32,685 --> 00:13:34,845 that's a really cool person to do those things. 327 00:13:34,865 --> 00:13:38,085 But that is not a person that I can be like, 328 00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:39,565 that would make us incompatible for me. 329 00:13:39,575 --> 00:13:40,965 Other people, what's it 330 00:13:40,965 --> 00:13:42,165 that does not make them incompatible? 331 00:13:42,345 --> 00:13:46,845 And that's okay. If those things get to be incompatibility, 332 00:13:47,555 --> 00:13:48,885 they live in another continent. 333 00:13:48,885 --> 00:13:50,805 And that's not the long distance relationship I want. 334 00:13:50,805 --> 00:13:52,925 That is an incompatibility that we go Mm-Hmm. . 335 00:13:52,925 --> 00:13:56,965 Okay. We, but sex, we, we negate it. 336 00:13:56,965 --> 00:14:00,005 We go, oh, that shouldn't be an incompatibility. Why? Yeah. 337 00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:03,725 Why, why? Well, I mean, I know why, but also why? Mm-Hmm. 338 00:14:03,765 --> 00:14:05,605 . So the, 339 00:14:05,665 --> 00:14:08,005 the reason I picked this is we know the fucking answer, 340 00:14:08,065 --> 00:14:10,885 but it was more about how she started off saying she feels 341 00:14:10,915 --> 00:14:12,565 ashamed for wanting kinky sex. 342 00:14:12,565 --> 00:14:14,245 Right. She only feels ashamed about it 343 00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:17,205 because she's with a person who cannot give it to her. 344 00:14:17,515 --> 00:14:20,645 That in the way she wants, cannot embrace it for her, 345 00:14:20,825 --> 00:14:22,285 is not embracing it for her. 346 00:14:22,285 --> 00:14:24,165 Mm-Hmm. the lesson for her is you can't make 347 00:14:24,445 --> 00:14:25,565 somebody be your kinky dominant. 348 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:28,085 No. You got to go find somebody who wants to be that you 349 00:14:28,085 --> 00:14:29,645 - Lead a horse to water, but you can't make 350 00:14:29,725 --> 00:14:31,005 - A kinky and . 351 00:14:33,345 --> 00:14:34,345 So, 352 00:14:34,755 --> 00:14:35,755 - Yeah. 353 00:14:36,595 --> 00:14:38,445 - Like that is the thing that got me about that. 354 00:14:39,035 --> 00:14:41,165 It's, you know, I'm like, yeah, of course you feel ashamed 355 00:14:41,165 --> 00:14:43,205 because you're not around anybody who's telling you 356 00:14:43,205 --> 00:14:44,285 there's nothing to be ashamed of. 357 00:14:44,395 --> 00:14:47,405 Yeah. And you want a certain type of sexual life. 358 00:14:47,825 --> 00:14:49,925 But there's something in your head telling you that 359 00:14:49,925 --> 00:14:51,805 that shouldn't be a factor in deciding 360 00:14:51,805 --> 00:14:52,885 if this person is right for you. 361 00:14:53,345 --> 00:14:55,965 Yes. The fuck it should. Yes. The fuck it should. 362 00:14:55,965 --> 00:14:59,165 Some of us would not care. Some of us would care greatly. 363 00:14:59,405 --> 00:15:02,965 I care greatly. I could not live with vanilla sex. Mm-Hmm. 364 00:15:03,005 --> 00:15:04,405 , we've talked about this. We're like, we're, 365 00:15:04,405 --> 00:15:05,565 we're best friends under all this. 366 00:15:05,565 --> 00:15:07,685 We are good as a team and a relationship. 367 00:15:07,685 --> 00:15:09,565 If the power exchange went away tomorrow, 368 00:15:09,705 --> 00:15:10,885 that's not fucking happening. 369 00:15:10,885 --> 00:15:13,885 By the way, I would pro unconsensually, non consensually. 370 00:15:13,885 --> 00:15:16,285 Keep calling him Daddy. He would, we be like, 371 00:15:16,285 --> 00:15:17,885 take your, your hearing aids out. 372 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,925 I gotta say the word, put 'em back in. 373 00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:21,805 You don't have to hear it, but I gotta say it. Right. 374 00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:23,805 . But you wanna know the thing 375 00:15:23,805 --> 00:15:27,525 that I don't think I could be okay with sexually Now 376 00:15:27,525 --> 00:15:29,765 that we, we've seemed to have found our mojo again, it's, 377 00:15:29,765 --> 00:15:30,805 it's been a little delightful. 378 00:15:30,875 --> 00:15:33,725 - Yeah. - On some level, I have to 379 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,965 feel like the sex is kinky. 380 00:15:35,985 --> 00:15:37,325 Mm. It doesn't have to be the same 381 00:15:37,485 --> 00:15:38,645 kinky sex we've had for 10 years. 382 00:15:38,735 --> 00:15:40,845 Right. As we age, it's 383 00:15:40,845 --> 00:15:41,845 - Gonna change. 384 00:15:41,845 --> 00:15:42,285 It's gonna be different. Right. But if 385 00:15:42,325 --> 00:15:45,925 - I don't get the, the element of, oh, that feels kinky. 386 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:49,925 Yeah. Then I'm gonna be sorely disappointed. Right. 387 00:15:52,645 --> 00:15:54,885 I, that, that gets to be a problem for me. 388 00:15:54,885 --> 00:15:56,645 That I then decide how do I want to handle it. 389 00:15:57,005 --> 00:15:59,565 I like how she seems to have tried all of the things. 390 00:15:59,565 --> 00:16:01,085 She's like, yeah, let's explore together. 391 00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:04,125 Um, hey, okay, this isn't for you. I respect that. 392 00:16:04,305 --> 00:16:06,205 Can I go explore on my own? 393 00:16:06,735 --> 00:16:08,365 - Right. - The only thing left 394 00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:09,685 is I don't think we can be in a 395 00:16:09,685 --> 00:16:10,685 - Relationship together. 396 00:16:10,685 --> 00:16:14,525 Yeah. And, and I mean, from, from reading what was there, 397 00:16:16,495 --> 00:16:19,365 their partner doesn't seem judgmental 398 00:16:20,345 --> 00:16:22,045 - Really, the way they describe it. No. 399 00:16:22,705 --> 00:16:27,005 - But being dismissive as he is is, 400 00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:28,245 can be just as bad. 401 00:16:28,345 --> 00:16:30,165 - That's I think what a big portion 402 00:16:30,165 --> 00:16:31,325 where the shame is coming from. 403 00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:32,845 Yeah. It, to me, I would, 404 00:16:32,845 --> 00:16:35,445 this would've been a less interesting thing to respond 405 00:16:35,445 --> 00:16:38,645 to if they had done the typical, you know, I'm kinky. 406 00:16:38,645 --> 00:16:39,965 They're not. How, why do I do? 407 00:16:40,085 --> 00:16:41,285 I mean, that's not a fun question. I'm answer 408 00:16:41,285 --> 00:16:42,285 that question 85 times. 409 00:16:42,285 --> 00:16:44,325 Mm-Hmm. . It's the shame aspect of it. Yeah. 410 00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:46,565 Like, 'cause you hang around the wrong one. 411 00:16:46,665 --> 00:16:48,605 We need to get you some kink friends Yeah. 412 00:16:48,905 --> 00:16:52,805 Who are good enough friends that you can go, you know, 413 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,125 gimme a, gimme a gut check here. 414 00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:58,125 Mm-Hmm. . Am I seeing this wrong? 'cause Yeah. 415 00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,765 That's the thing that I think for them needs to occur. 416 00:17:00,865 --> 00:17:04,365 It needs to feel normal to want and expect Right. 417 00:17:04,365 --> 00:17:06,645 And seek out kink and 418 00:17:06,645 --> 00:17:07,965 they're not gonna get it from this partner. 419 00:17:08,065 --> 00:17:11,605 And so, you know, what are they doing there if they can, 420 00:17:12,125 --> 00:17:13,325 I understand why they said they couldn't 421 00:17:13,325 --> 00:17:14,445 leave for like another month. 422 00:17:14,795 --> 00:17:16,645 Yeah. Right. Because of their living situation. Okay. 423 00:17:16,645 --> 00:17:17,805 Take care of that part first. Mm-Hmm. 424 00:17:17,845 --> 00:17:20,005 get to where you can be safe and Right. 425 00:17:20,035 --> 00:17:21,165 Know you've got a roof over your head. 426 00:17:21,465 --> 00:17:23,045 But then what are we doing here? Yeah. 427 00:17:23,745 --> 00:17:25,485 Yep. Let us move on. I 428 00:17:25,485 --> 00:17:26,485 - Agree. 429 00:17:26,555 --> 00:17:30,565 - Okay. Next one. Mm-Hmm? . 430 00:17:30,945 --> 00:17:34,965 The headline. Oh, the headline is delightful. 431 00:17:35,045 --> 00:17:36,325 I don't remember the question anymore. Yeah. 432 00:17:36,465 --> 00:17:39,885 The head, the little title. Have I tamed my brat? 433 00:17:40,245 --> 00:17:43,045 - . - This may be a unique situation. 434 00:17:43,485 --> 00:17:46,965 I 23 female have a brat also 23 female. Mm-Hmm. 435 00:17:47,005 --> 00:17:48,405 . She knows how to get under my skin 436 00:17:48,405 --> 00:17:49,685 and make me put her in her place. 437 00:17:49,825 --> 00:17:51,245 In the beginning of our relationship, 438 00:17:51,305 --> 00:17:53,325 she was the most disrespectful little bitch, 439 00:17:53,835 --> 00:17:56,645 practically begging to be pinned to a wall by her throat. 440 00:17:56,705 --> 00:17:58,845 Oh my God. I'm sorry. I need a moment. 441 00:17:59,305 --> 00:18:00,805 - Little clamped. - Yeah. 442 00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:03,485 As of the last year or so, we don't have too much of this. 443 00:18:03,495 --> 00:18:05,245 We're horny and have multiple scenes a week, 444 00:18:05,245 --> 00:18:06,685 but she doesn't brat anymore. 445 00:18:06,745 --> 00:18:09,405 She just wants it. If I touch her, she's free. 446 00:18:09,425 --> 00:18:11,925 Use hardly anything disrespectful comes out of her mouth. 447 00:18:11,945 --> 00:18:14,685 If she says much at all, have I tamed her? 448 00:18:15,145 --> 00:18:16,885 How do I entice the brat to come out? 449 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,605 - Hmm. - There might have been some taming there. 450 00:18:21,105 --> 00:18:23,005 Not in like a, the way you stereotypically think 451 00:18:23,005 --> 00:18:24,285 of taming. True. I, yeah. 452 00:18:24,425 --> 00:18:26,485 - Um, you know, yeah. 453 00:18:26,485 --> 00:18:27,965 There, there definitely may have been some 454 00:18:27,965 --> 00:18:29,045 taming going on there. 455 00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:31,885 Um, you know, especially I think they say, you know, 456 00:18:34,515 --> 00:18:36,005 they knew how to get under their skin 457 00:18:36,065 --> 00:18:37,685 and, you know, put her in her place. 458 00:18:37,735 --> 00:18:39,685 Right, right, right. So, you know, definitely that. 459 00:18:40,105 --> 00:18:44,485 And, and I also wonder too, if, you know, 460 00:18:44,825 --> 00:18:49,005 as the, as their relationship progressed, um, 461 00:18:49,675 --> 00:18:52,325 that they were feeling more comfortable. They're 462 00:18:52,325 --> 00:18:53,325 - Feeling safe. 463 00:18:53,325 --> 00:18:54,285 - Feeling safe. Mm-Hmm. . 464 00:18:54,345 --> 00:18:57,525 So was able to back off on the brat. 465 00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,445 - I definitely thought that, the other thing I thought was, 466 00:19:00,955 --> 00:19:03,725 what if in the beginning they didn't know how to say, 467 00:19:03,755 --> 00:19:06,405 this is what I want, this is what I need. Yeah. And so 468 00:19:06,865 --> 00:19:08,085 - It came out as ratting. 469 00:19:08,195 --> 00:19:09,725 - They acted out to get it. Mm-Hmm. 470 00:19:09,765 --> 00:19:12,245 and, or what was the other one? 471 00:19:12,365 --> 00:19:14,485 I would just, was just fucking there. What was it? Oh God. 472 00:19:14,745 --> 00:19:15,965 Oh fuck. How does that happen? 473 00:19:16,545 --> 00:19:19,685 Um, the other thing that came to me was, um, 474 00:19:21,795 --> 00:19:25,085 wanting their dominant partner to prove 475 00:19:25,155 --> 00:19:26,725 that they could handle them and be dominant. 476 00:19:26,955 --> 00:19:29,525 Some, not everybody, but some people will fight 477 00:19:29,995 --> 00:19:32,485 because they want, they don't wanna just give it freely. 478 00:19:32,485 --> 00:19:33,685 They don't feel safe. Give 479 00:19:33,685 --> 00:19:34,685 - It freely. 480 00:19:34,685 --> 00:19:35,445 They, they, they wanna, they wanna from them. Yeah. 481 00:19:35,445 --> 00:19:36,845 - They want it taken from them. Yeah. 482 00:19:36,945 --> 00:19:38,645 And then it, if that were the case 483 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,925 for this person, then yes. 484 00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:41,285 As they started to feel safe 485 00:19:41,345 --> 00:19:43,565 and realize that they were gonna get what they wanted, 486 00:19:43,755 --> 00:19:44,885 they didn't have to fight for it 487 00:19:44,885 --> 00:19:45,885 - Anymore. 488 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,725 I, I mean, you know, let, let's be honest, you know, 489 00:19:47,725 --> 00:19:49,005 with you it was the opposite. 490 00:19:49,025 --> 00:19:51,405 As you felt more safe, you became more sassy. 491 00:19:51,745 --> 00:19:56,725 You know, so it, it's not a far stretch to say that. 492 00:19:56,755 --> 00:19:59,045 They say the opposite. The opposite. Yeah. Okay. 493 00:19:59,555 --> 00:20:01,485 - Yeah. I, and I, I think that it, 494 00:20:01,485 --> 00:20:03,245 it all depends on the motivation for 495 00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:05,285 where the breading came from, if the Mm-Hmm. 496 00:20:05,325 --> 00:20:07,125 if the, if your partner's even aware of it. 497 00:20:07,185 --> 00:20:09,565 So sometimes you, you behave in a way 498 00:20:09,565 --> 00:20:12,405 and you don't necessarily know why you haven't explored it. 499 00:20:12,405 --> 00:20:13,925 Yeah. So, yes. 500 00:20:14,045 --> 00:20:17,285 I think something happened where they didn't feel like 501 00:20:17,405 --> 00:20:20,205 that's how, what they needed to do to get what they wanted, 502 00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,765 and, or let's be real, it's possible 503 00:20:22,765 --> 00:20:24,565 that they really wanted that in the beginning. 504 00:20:24,745 --> 00:20:26,645 And their desires have shifted 505 00:20:26,745 --> 00:20:29,805 or morphed in a way that they might not say no to that, 506 00:20:29,805 --> 00:20:32,165 but they maybe just aren't actively seeking it out either. 507 00:20:32,195 --> 00:20:34,125 What they're getting now is good. 508 00:20:34,545 --> 00:20:37,125 And so, so then let's move on to 509 00:20:37,505 --> 00:20:39,965 how do you entice the brat to come out? 510 00:20:40,395 --> 00:20:44,285 - Well, I, I, I think the only way to, to entice that, 511 00:20:44,385 --> 00:20:46,805 that's going to be to sit down and have a conversation. 512 00:20:47,185 --> 00:20:48,485 Yep. I think. All right. Yep. 513 00:20:48,745 --> 00:20:53,205 Um, you know, Hey, I, I like 514 00:20:53,205 --> 00:20:55,685 where our relationship is gone. 515 00:20:55,685 --> 00:20:57,765 Mm-Hmm. , I like what, you know, the, 516 00:20:57,785 --> 00:20:59,325 the things that we, we do, 517 00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:01,805 but I kind of miss this. Mm-Hmm. . 518 00:21:02,305 --> 00:21:04,045 - Mm-Hmm. - , you know, can we, 519 00:21:04,265 --> 00:21:07,885 can we incorporate this back into Right. The dynamic. I 520 00:21:07,885 --> 00:21:08,885 - Had fun doing that. 521 00:21:08,885 --> 00:21:10,325 Mm-Hmm. . And then, you know, is 522 00:21:10,325 --> 00:21:11,685 that something you would have fun doing? 523 00:21:11,865 --> 00:21:13,885 You know? Yeah. And maybe, depending on 524 00:21:13,885 --> 00:21:15,765 where the conversation goes, maybe even 525 00:21:15,795 --> 00:21:17,245 explore where that came from. 526 00:21:17,245 --> 00:21:18,525 Then if Mm-Hmm. 527 00:21:18,565 --> 00:21:19,965 your partners thought about it and has some 528 00:21:19,965 --> 00:21:23,565 insight and, you know, if it is a, oh, I thought we had 529 00:21:23,765 --> 00:21:26,725 to fight, or, you know, they could be, 530 00:21:26,805 --> 00:21:28,325 I thought you didn't want me to fight anymore, 531 00:21:28,545 --> 00:21:29,925 or, I'm trying to be a good girl. 532 00:21:30,145 --> 00:21:31,525 I'm trying to be, who knows, 533 00:21:31,585 --> 00:21:32,885 who knows what's going on in their mind? 534 00:21:32,885 --> 00:21:34,525 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . But I think I, 535 00:21:35,305 --> 00:21:36,765 it depends on their personality, 536 00:21:36,825 --> 00:21:38,605 but I think that somebody who 537 00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:42,245 took pleasure at one point in the fight, in the brading, 538 00:21:42,245 --> 00:21:44,405 in the, the backtalk, in the, in the whatever, 539 00:21:44,405 --> 00:21:45,565 however that manifested. 540 00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:50,205 I think if they know that it is 541 00:21:51,075 --> 00:21:54,205 appreciated and they feel safe to bring that back, 542 00:21:54,275 --> 00:21:55,285 they can find it again. 543 00:21:55,345 --> 00:21:56,805 Oh yeah. You know, I, I, 544 00:21:57,045 --> 00:21:58,045 - I don't doubt that - I do. 545 00:21:58,045 --> 00:21:59,845 It depends on why they were doing it in the first place. 546 00:22:00,025 --> 00:22:03,365 Mm-Hmm. . But if it's, if it is a fun thing 547 00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:05,245 to them, or if it was fun, then it, 548 00:22:05,275 --> 00:22:06,565 it's possible to find it again. 549 00:22:06,835 --> 00:22:08,765 Yeah. You just have to have a, a conversation. But yeah. 550 00:22:08,765 --> 00:22:09,845 There was no way I was skipping that 551 00:22:09,845 --> 00:22:10,845 - Fucking question. 552 00:22:10,845 --> 00:22:11,885 Yeah. Have I tamed my breath? I'll, 553 00:22:11,885 --> 00:22:12,885 - I'll be right back. 554 00:22:12,885 --> 00:22:14,445 Okay. You're walking away as I'm gonna read the next one. 555 00:22:14,725 --> 00:22:15,725 . 556 00:22:16,205 --> 00:22:18,485 - I figured that that would be good time to, uh, 557 00:22:18,485 --> 00:22:20,525 segue out for a second. Hang on. 558 00:22:21,395 --> 00:22:23,805 - Okay. Yeah. This next one is long. 559 00:22:24,225 --> 00:22:27,045 And I, when I read it originally, I was like, 560 00:22:27,405 --> 00:22:29,565 I think it might be a little convoluted, 561 00:22:29,565 --> 00:22:31,005 but hopefully when I read it, I will. 562 00:22:31,195 --> 00:22:32,885 It's a, it is a long, it's a long 563 00:22:33,025 --> 00:22:34,025 - One. 564 00:22:34,025 --> 00:22:34,245 Oh my goodness. It's 565 00:22:34,245 --> 00:22:35,245 - A long one. 566 00:22:35,245 --> 00:22:39,805 Okay. Uh, the title is Triggered Before Seen. 567 00:22:40,065 --> 00:22:42,485 Wasn't Aware. It will be a double fem sub session. 568 00:22:42,835 --> 00:22:46,165 Also very lost on the dynamic, giving some context. 569 00:22:46,725 --> 00:22:49,565 I 34 female A switch come from a vanilla lifestyle 570 00:22:49,565 --> 00:22:51,405 where I know nothing about BDSM except 571 00:22:51,405 --> 00:22:52,445 I've always felt kinky. 572 00:22:52,625 --> 00:22:54,765 And meeting a fem dom was something I always wanted. 573 00:22:55,285 --> 00:22:58,645 Mistress. And I recently got into strictly non-romantic Ds 574 00:22:58,645 --> 00:23:00,285 in the past four to five months ago. 575 00:23:00,725 --> 00:23:01,845 I met her on a dating app. 576 00:23:02,165 --> 00:23:04,165 Apparently I was colored pretty quickly instead 577 00:23:04,165 --> 00:23:05,885 of 10 plays I got it in, into, 578 00:23:06,565 --> 00:23:07,845 I guess she saw something in me. 579 00:23:07,905 --> 00:23:09,765 Our communication has always been regular fun. 580 00:23:10,045 --> 00:23:12,445 Although we are long distance, our Ds grew 581 00:23:12,445 --> 00:23:15,365 and I had sessions, uh, whereby I stayed with her for days, 582 00:23:15,665 --> 00:23:20,125 um, to, and to be her total slave and serve her. 583 00:23:20,435 --> 00:23:21,965 It's like a C NNC play. 584 00:23:21,965 --> 00:23:24,445 And I never had an issue for her using me for context. 585 00:23:24,685 --> 00:23:27,205 Mistress always says she's very different from other Doms. 586 00:23:27,585 --> 00:23:30,165 Um, whereby her kink must turn her subs on. 587 00:23:30,435 --> 00:23:32,325 I've always enjoyed her company out of scene. 588 00:23:32,325 --> 00:23:33,765 And her other live-in male, 589 00:23:34,095 --> 00:23:36,885 sissy slave from our first trip feelings did 590 00:23:36,885 --> 00:23:37,965 grow among the three of us. 591 00:23:38,105 --> 00:23:39,645 And she calls it a throuple. 592 00:23:40,105 --> 00:23:42,925 For context to the said title back in late last year, 593 00:23:42,945 --> 00:23:45,005 we had some tension in the DS when I was staying 594 00:23:45,085 --> 00:23:46,245 with her for the second time. 595 00:23:46,825 --> 00:23:49,445 It started from the displeasure of her live-in male sissy. 596 00:23:49,445 --> 00:23:50,845 It's that person's, her life partner 597 00:23:51,195 --> 00:23:53,885 that I'm getting too much leeway as a sub enslave. 598 00:23:54,145 --> 00:23:56,205 Things happen. And I got very hypervigilant 599 00:23:56,205 --> 00:23:57,205 and I got dysregulated. 600 00:23:57,205 --> 00:23:58,565 Emotionally. I come from an abusive 601 00:23:58,565 --> 00:23:59,885 authoritarian family background. 602 00:24:00,005 --> 00:24:01,205 I could see where that would happen then. mm-Hmm. 603 00:24:01,245 --> 00:24:02,965 , I admit I wasn't at my best. 604 00:24:02,965 --> 00:24:05,045 At the second trip, I did a lot of mistakes 605 00:24:05,065 --> 00:24:06,325 and said things that hurt as well. 606 00:24:06,385 --> 00:24:08,325 Her male sissy always said, I'm a mess 607 00:24:08,345 --> 00:24:10,525 and a psycho for letting emotions get in the way. 608 00:24:10,785 --> 00:24:12,325 And I kept topping from the bottom 609 00:24:12,385 --> 00:24:14,005 and coming up with expectations. 610 00:24:14,765 --> 00:24:17,005 I was very upset and hurt and felt very unsafe. 611 00:24:17,445 --> 00:24:19,285 I told them I will do my best to work on my attitude 612 00:24:19,285 --> 00:24:21,245 and behavior because of this incident. 613 00:24:21,265 --> 00:24:23,525 Mr. Said, we are no longer like a throuple. 614 00:24:23,525 --> 00:24:26,645 And I will only be remained as A-B-D-S-M contact just 615 00:24:26,645 --> 00:24:28,085 to meet and play nothing more. 616 00:24:28,365 --> 00:24:29,965 I was very upset, but I accepted it 617 00:24:29,965 --> 00:24:31,205 because I wanted to keep the dynamic. 618 00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:34,405 I know mistress plays and meets subs and fem subs regular. 619 00:24:34,505 --> 00:24:36,725 And prior to this, I've been getting less and less attention 620 00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:38,005 and emotional connection from her. 621 00:24:38,995 --> 00:24:40,965 Fast forward to our recent meetup. 622 00:24:40,965 --> 00:24:43,125 Mistress is around my area for a short trip. 623 00:24:43,185 --> 00:24:44,925 We don't meet very often, like every two months, 624 00:24:44,925 --> 00:24:46,805 once she flies in for trips or holidays. 625 00:24:47,185 --> 00:24:48,845 She did her best to always include me 626 00:24:48,845 --> 00:24:50,245 or try to meet me during her stay. 627 00:24:50,595 --> 00:24:52,365 Obviously, I'm very excited about it. 628 00:24:52,365 --> 00:24:54,765 Of the planning and the waiting before the play. 629 00:24:55,055 --> 00:24:58,045 There are one thing we agreed months back, I will caned 630 00:24:58,045 --> 00:24:59,565 and watched by a girl or guy 631 00:24:59,625 --> 00:25:03,565 and be caned by them as humiliation play. 632 00:25:03,565 --> 00:25:05,605 So I'll be caned while they watch. Mm-Hmm. . 633 00:25:05,605 --> 00:25:06,965 And then I'll be caned by them. Okay. 634 00:25:08,505 --> 00:25:10,365 But no, apparently prior to the session, 635 00:25:10,505 --> 00:25:12,965 she said she will also be doming this new sub. 636 00:25:13,025 --> 00:25:14,405 She met after the caning, 637 00:25:14,405 --> 00:25:16,205 and she wanted us to play together sexually. 638 00:25:16,925 --> 00:25:18,245 I got triggered and upset 639 00:25:18,245 --> 00:25:19,605 and had no clue what was happening. 640 00:25:19,725 --> 00:25:22,605 I thought we agreed on part one, and I had, oh, no idea. 641 00:25:22,605 --> 00:25:24,285 On the second part of things, I was upset 642 00:25:24,285 --> 00:25:26,245 because I thought I would get to spend more time 643 00:25:26,245 --> 00:25:27,365 with mistress 'cause we're on long 644 00:25:27,565 --> 00:25:28,645 distance and I rarely see her. 645 00:25:29,525 --> 00:25:31,605 I spoke to her openly and shared my concerns 646 00:25:31,605 --> 00:25:32,725 and she said she's fine with it, 647 00:25:32,725 --> 00:25:33,925 and she'll play the session fairly. 648 00:25:34,115 --> 00:25:37,285 Both me and the other new fem sub got impact play and that, 649 00:25:37,905 --> 00:25:39,965 and that's all that happened for the night. 650 00:25:40,285 --> 00:25:42,525 Mistress did give me aftercare and spoke about it. 651 00:25:42,605 --> 00:25:44,165 I also told her that knowing the new girl, 652 00:25:44,305 --> 00:25:46,805 now I'm pretty okay to double play next time, 653 00:25:47,125 --> 00:25:48,445 considering this is my first group play. 654 00:25:48,965 --> 00:25:51,445 I also apologized that I let my upset ruin her plans. 655 00:25:51,445 --> 00:25:53,525 She had told her it was very self selfish 656 00:25:53,525 --> 00:25:54,805 and that insecure of me. 657 00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:57,405 She said she'd never do a double session again. 658 00:25:57,405 --> 00:25:59,325 And I sense she was very disappointed with me. 659 00:26:01,045 --> 00:26:03,325 , you're grinding your teeth over there. Yes, I am. 660 00:26:03,465 --> 00:26:05,165 Her male slave said the same thing, 661 00:26:05,165 --> 00:26:06,445 that I was a messed up psycho 662 00:26:06,445 --> 00:26:08,485 that kept screwing up the scenes and could have ended. 663 00:26:08,555 --> 00:26:09,685 Well, um, 664 00:26:09,835 --> 00:26:12,485 that could have ended well if I'd kept my emotions in check. 665 00:26:12,965 --> 00:26:13,965 I said I really had no 666 00:26:13,965 --> 00:26:15,165 clue on the second part of the session. 667 00:26:15,345 --> 00:26:17,565 If not, I would if I'd had an early heads up. 668 00:26:18,545 --> 00:26:21,325 And then again, I was accused of topping from the bottom. 669 00:26:21,325 --> 00:26:23,245 There's a big old long update that I'm not gonna get into. 670 00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:25,205 Yeah. The main story was Mm-Hmm. 671 00:26:25,245 --> 00:26:28,565 in depth enough and fucked up enough. Yeah. 672 00:26:28,635 --> 00:26:31,325 Okay. You've been sighing and, and clenching over there. 673 00:26:32,475 --> 00:26:36,685 - Yeah. Go ahead. Um, walk away. 674 00:26:37,825 --> 00:26:39,245 Run. Run. Yeah. Run the 675 00:26:39,245 --> 00:26:40,245 - Fuck - Away. 676 00:26:40,245 --> 00:26:42,765 Yeah. Um, you know what? 677 00:26:45,105 --> 00:26:47,645 Double sessions can be fun. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. 678 00:26:47,775 --> 00:26:48,925 We've experienced Sure. 679 00:26:49,745 --> 00:26:52,045 Um, but not without 680 00:26:52,595 --> 00:26:55,845 talking about it first, you know? 681 00:26:56,375 --> 00:26:58,765 Right. And, and knowing, 682 00:27:01,825 --> 00:27:05,845 you know, it's, uh, no, it's toxic from top to bottom. 683 00:27:06,105 --> 00:27:07,685 It is. From the very first bitch 684 00:27:07,825 --> 00:27:10,005 and even from the other partner, you know? 685 00:27:10,005 --> 00:27:11,805 Yeah. Fuck gas lighting fucks going on with them. 686 00:27:12,075 --> 00:27:14,045 Your your cycle. You are this, you're that. 687 00:27:14,045 --> 00:27:15,685 You're not doing this. Yeah. 688 00:27:15,785 --> 00:27:17,525 - Who the fuck are you? - The fuck? Fuck. 689 00:27:17,785 --> 00:27:18,965 - Who the fuck are you? Who 690 00:27:18,965 --> 00:27:20,365 - The fuck . 691 00:27:20,515 --> 00:27:22,085 Exactly. You know, 692 00:27:22,675 --> 00:27:25,165 that is not a healthy relationship. No. None of this 693 00:27:25,265 --> 00:27:26,265 - Is - Healthy. 694 00:27:26,265 --> 00:27:28,365 Okay. It, it's, when you started reading it, 695 00:27:29,145 --> 00:27:31,725 it started out sounding good. 696 00:27:31,725 --> 00:27:33,165 Yeah. Okay. You know, 697 00:27:34,825 --> 00:27:37,285 but gosh darn it, damn it . 698 00:27:39,505 --> 00:27:41,605 She sprung this on this person. Mm-Hmm. 699 00:27:41,645 --> 00:27:44,445 last minute, getting ready to do the scene. 700 00:27:44,615 --> 00:27:48,045 Right. And then it's like, oh, well you were bad. 701 00:27:48,775 --> 00:27:51,565 We're not ever gonna do anything like this again. Right. 702 00:27:51,755 --> 00:27:53,685 - It's, I mean, but that, you know, it's funny fucking 703 00:27:53,685 --> 00:27:56,445 - Childish that, - But it starts well before that. 704 00:27:56,505 --> 00:27:59,805 You can see the bullshit coming before we even get there, 705 00:27:59,805 --> 00:28:03,765 because, um, I'm not sure why this dom thinks 706 00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:04,965 that they are somehow special, 707 00:28:05,115 --> 00:28:07,925 that they feel like their kinks have to be a turn on 708 00:28:07,925 --> 00:28:11,005 for their, of, a lot of doms would prefer to only play 709 00:28:11,005 --> 00:28:12,445 with people who are turned on by their kinks. 710 00:28:12,445 --> 00:28:13,925 Like, that's just a compatibility issue. 711 00:28:14,465 --> 00:28:16,085 Uh, second of all, I was very, 712 00:28:16,185 --> 00:28:18,485 and I don't know if it's a community thing 713 00:28:18,485 --> 00:28:21,045 or a culture thing from like, maybe another part 714 00:28:21,045 --> 00:28:22,685 of the world or whatever, but this whole, 715 00:28:22,845 --> 00:28:24,005 I was collared really fast. 716 00:28:24,075 --> 00:28:26,365 Some people it's usually 10 sessions, 717 00:28:26,425 --> 00:28:27,565 and this time it was two. 718 00:28:27,585 --> 00:28:30,285 Mm. Well, first of all, there's no standard, no. 719 00:28:30,285 --> 00:28:31,965 There might be a community norm in an area. 720 00:28:32,205 --> 00:28:34,405 I could, you know, fine. But there's still no standards. 721 00:28:34,405 --> 00:28:39,325 Second of all, I mean, I'll tell you this, 722 00:28:39,355 --> 00:28:42,245 even if I saw a bunch of super healthy stuff, 723 00:28:42,525 --> 00:28:45,125 I would still go, you've only been around one another twice 724 00:28:45,145 --> 00:28:47,805 and you're already like former formally collared. 725 00:28:47,805 --> 00:28:49,325 Yeah. I've already got questions that's real fast. 726 00:28:49,795 --> 00:28:51,365 Then hanging out 727 00:28:51,475 --> 00:28:54,805 with this person's life partner who's also in a dynamic 728 00:28:54,915 --> 00:28:57,285 with them a couple of times, and it being okay. 729 00:28:57,865 --> 00:28:59,165 The, the dom does not get 730 00:28:59,165 --> 00:29:02,045 to unilaterally decide they're now in a throuple Mm-Hmm. 731 00:29:02,085 --> 00:29:04,925 . I mean, one, the other submissive 732 00:29:05,265 --> 00:29:07,845 who is calling this person psycho, um, 733 00:29:08,085 --> 00:29:10,085 sounds toxic as fuck. 734 00:29:10,355 --> 00:29:11,645 I'll give benefit of the doubt. 735 00:29:11,755 --> 00:29:13,525 Were they consulted that they even wanted 736 00:29:13,525 --> 00:29:14,565 to be in this relationship? 737 00:29:14,745 --> 00:29:16,685 And are they acting out now they're taking it out 738 00:29:16,685 --> 00:29:17,845 on the wrong fucking person. 739 00:29:17,945 --> 00:29:19,765 - Person. Yeah. - They need to be taking it up 740 00:29:19,765 --> 00:29:20,845 with their dominant partner. 741 00:29:20,845 --> 00:29:21,845 Mm-Hmm. . But, 742 00:29:21,985 --> 00:29:24,685 so they're just a problem all together as well. 743 00:29:25,145 --> 00:29:27,725 So , before we've even gotten to the scene, 744 00:29:27,725 --> 00:29:29,845 like it's problem, problem, problem. 745 00:29:29,915 --> 00:29:32,125 Yeah. None of this is okay. Mm-Hmm. 746 00:29:32,235 --> 00:29:33,245 - Like, Mm-Hmm. 747 00:29:33,625 --> 00:29:36,365 - And, you know, and the fact that you would say, I, 748 00:29:36,745 --> 00:29:40,005 we did not negotiate this, this extra person Yeah. 749 00:29:40,005 --> 00:29:42,485 In this kind of scene. And I am not 750 00:29:42,485 --> 00:29:43,845 comfortable with this right now. 751 00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:46,045 That is not fucking topping from the bottom. It's 752 00:29:46,045 --> 00:29:47,005 - Not, it's nothing about that is 753 00:29:47,005 --> 00:29:47,845 topping from the bottom. No, it's not. 754 00:29:48,705 --> 00:29:51,245 - And then to have gone, oh, well now I know this person. 755 00:29:51,315 --> 00:29:53,405 I've been thrown in this situation that I did not ask for. 756 00:29:53,405 --> 00:29:56,205 But okay, we're here now. I I've, I've gotten 757 00:29:56,205 --> 00:29:57,565 to know this person a little bit in this moment. 758 00:29:57,575 --> 00:30:00,485 We've had this experience that was not the original scene. 759 00:30:00,745 --> 00:30:02,565 We can do a double session next time if you want. 760 00:30:02,865 --> 00:30:03,925 That's fine. Mm-Hmm. . 761 00:30:04,025 --> 00:30:07,645 But then to, to, to be the type of air quote. 762 00:30:07,745 --> 00:30:09,125 Now Dom, who's like, 763 00:30:09,125 --> 00:30:11,045 it did not go the exact way I envisioned 764 00:30:11,045 --> 00:30:12,845 that I did not get your consent for, for the first time. 765 00:30:13,025 --> 00:30:14,205 So we can never do it. Mm-Hmm. . 766 00:30:14,205 --> 00:30:16,965 Well, first of all, to the submissive, I'd be like, no, 767 00:30:16,965 --> 00:30:18,125 never fucking do that again. 768 00:30:18,385 --> 00:30:19,525 Run, run for the hills. 769 00:30:19,525 --> 00:30:20,805 Yeah. Get the fuck outta there. There. 770 00:30:20,805 --> 00:30:22,005 - However, there's some, there, 771 00:30:22,005 --> 00:30:23,885 there's some definite red flags. 772 00:30:24,145 --> 00:30:26,325 Oh yeah. Floating around there and Oh, yeah. 773 00:30:28,225 --> 00:30:32,325 And, and not just from the dominant, but yeah. 774 00:30:32,635 --> 00:30:33,845 Also from the other submissive. 775 00:30:33,985 --> 00:30:35,925 - And of course, now, I mean, because I'm nosy 776 00:30:36,225 --> 00:30:40,445 and nosy, um, I'm like, okay, what's that dynamic like? 777 00:30:40,465 --> 00:30:41,765 Are they toxic together? 778 00:30:42,035 --> 00:30:44,445 - Yeah. - Or are they great together? 779 00:30:44,705 --> 00:30:47,645 But they, they're trying to do things that bring out, 780 00:30:47,925 --> 00:30:49,645 I mean, I would assume they're toxic together, 781 00:30:49,955 --> 00:30:51,245 that they're each allowing 782 00:30:51,305 --> 00:30:53,725 and doing things that nobody else would 783 00:30:53,725 --> 00:30:54,845 ever fucking allow them to do. 784 00:30:55,125 --> 00:30:56,805 Mm-Hmm. . And so then it's normalized 785 00:30:56,805 --> 00:30:58,445 and they're like, oh, this is, we get to do this. 786 00:30:58,465 --> 00:31:00,165 And so I'll just do this to any rando. Mm-Hmm. 787 00:31:00,205 --> 00:31:01,365 . And a rando with not a lot 788 00:31:01,365 --> 00:31:02,445 of experience will be like, wait, 789 00:31:02,635 --> 00:31:04,045 this doesn't feel right. But 790 00:31:04,595 --> 00:31:05,595 - Yeah. 791 00:31:05,595 --> 00:31:09,125 - Is this okay? No, it's not. No, it's not. Yeah. 792 00:31:09,195 --> 00:31:12,405 It's a hot mess. It is from start to fucking finish. 793 00:31:12,825 --> 00:31:16,725 We are not waving a red flag. We are in a parade flag. 794 00:31:16,725 --> 00:31:18,725 - And the color guard all has red flags flag. Yeah. 795 00:31:18,725 --> 00:31:20,765 And, and they, they, this person needs to 796 00:31:22,675 --> 00:31:24,005 turn their back walk away. 797 00:31:24,145 --> 00:31:26,645 Yes. Uh, you know, lesson learned. Yes, 798 00:31:27,025 --> 00:31:29,725 - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 799 00:31:30,605 --> 00:31:32,645 - . - Yes. Okay. 800 00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:34,365 - Alright. Let's - Go to the next 801 00:31:34,385 --> 00:31:35,245 - One. Right. 802 00:31:35,985 --> 00:31:39,765 - Um, okay. So I put this in. 803 00:31:40,155 --> 00:31:42,485 - Okay. Because - We don't talk about this 804 00:31:42,485 --> 00:31:43,685 with dominance often enough. 805 00:31:43,685 --> 00:31:45,605 Mm-Hmm. . So here we go. 806 00:31:45,605 --> 00:31:49,005 - Alright. - Do any doms have performance issues? 807 00:31:49,705 --> 00:31:52,245 My dom and hubby is having trouble with getting and 808 00:31:52,265 --> 00:31:55,125 or staying hard right now due to some meds he has to take. 809 00:31:55,515 --> 00:31:57,645 Even with Viagra. It's a hit or miss thing. 810 00:31:58,075 --> 00:31:59,765 Have you guys had any similar problems? 811 00:31:59,765 --> 00:32:01,445 And if so, how did you handle it in a scene? 812 00:32:01,785 --> 00:32:04,525 Did you just in, in the session or use toys instead? 813 00:32:04,795 --> 00:32:06,565 Just looking for more ways to make it less 814 00:32:06,565 --> 00:32:08,685 of a downer if it doesn't go the way we wanted it 815 00:32:08,925 --> 00:32:09,525 - To. Mm-Hmm. . 816 00:32:10,505 --> 00:32:13,485 - Um, this might be a time to explore one of two things. 817 00:32:14,225 --> 00:32:18,925 Scenes without sex. Yeah. Or redefining sex to not be, 818 00:32:19,345 --> 00:32:20,605 - And, and that penetration, 819 00:32:20,795 --> 00:32:22,485 that was the first thing that came to my mind. 820 00:32:22,515 --> 00:32:26,805 Because sex is a lot more than just penetration. 821 00:32:26,805 --> 00:32:27,965 It's all of the things. It's 822 00:32:28,145 --> 00:32:29,145 - All of the things. 823 00:32:29,145 --> 00:32:32,085 The penis does not have to take center stage in every sexual 824 00:32:32,085 --> 00:32:33,085 - Encounter. 825 00:32:33,085 --> 00:32:34,925 Correct. I mean, we've done that 826 00:32:34,945 --> 00:32:38,885 before in the past where, you know, I've not been feeling 827 00:32:39,735 --> 00:32:42,325 Right, you know, up to things in, in the moment. 828 00:32:42,905 --> 00:32:45,285 But, uh, I definitely was able 829 00:32:45,385 --> 00:32:47,445 to make you feel good and yes. 830 00:32:47,625 --> 00:32:49,245 And satisfied. Okay. 831 00:32:49,825 --> 00:32:52,885 So, you know, there, there are definitely ways 832 00:32:53,065 --> 00:32:54,605 to, to work around that. 833 00:32:54,605 --> 00:32:57,045 Mm-Hmm. . So, you know. Yeah. 834 00:32:57,305 --> 00:33:01,325 It, it's a matter of redefining what 835 00:33:02,545 --> 00:33:05,165 you know, the common conception of sex is. 836 00:33:05,415 --> 00:33:08,325 - Right. And that tends to be the biggest downfall with 837 00:33:08,855 --> 00:33:11,085 folks who have a penis and it's not performing the way 838 00:33:11,085 --> 00:33:12,245 they're used to it performing. 839 00:33:12,985 --> 00:33:14,285 And they somehow think that they have 840 00:33:14,875 --> 00:33:16,605 lost their sex life completely. 841 00:33:16,605 --> 00:33:18,205 Mm-Hmm. , they cannot satisfy their partner. 842 00:33:18,845 --> 00:33:20,805 A partner can have that feeling of uhoh, 843 00:33:21,025 --> 00:33:22,645 you're not sticking it in me. 844 00:33:22,705 --> 00:33:24,125 We are clearly not doing something. 845 00:33:24,195 --> 00:33:27,045 It's like, so let's talk about 846 00:33:27,045 --> 00:33:28,085 some things that we have done. 847 00:33:28,085 --> 00:33:29,565 Mm-Hmm. definitely play with sex toys. 848 00:33:29,565 --> 00:33:31,085 Vibrators are just, they're just there. 849 00:33:31,085 --> 00:33:32,285 They're just, but you've, 850 00:33:32,285 --> 00:33:34,445 you've absolutely just used a dildo. 851 00:33:34,795 --> 00:33:36,445 Yeah. Or your fingers, quite frankly. 852 00:33:36,805 --> 00:33:38,325 - I mean, I know there are so many people 853 00:33:38,505 --> 00:33:40,925 who feel threatened. 854 00:33:40,985 --> 00:33:42,925 Mm-Hmm. by toys. Mm-Hmm. . 855 00:33:43,185 --> 00:33:45,845 And, and you know what? No, I don't. They're tools. 856 00:33:45,915 --> 00:33:47,605 They're they're tools. Um, 857 00:33:47,955 --> 00:33:49,485 they make my job easier in some way. 858 00:33:49,505 --> 00:33:50,845 I'm all for it. Look, 859 00:33:50,915 --> 00:33:54,485 - Look, , your dick gets a break. 860 00:33:54,485 --> 00:33:56,805 Your hand gets a break, your mouth gets a break. 861 00:33:56,915 --> 00:33:59,805 Like, whatever. Like find the toy that feels good 862 00:33:59,865 --> 00:34:01,325 and give your body a break. 863 00:34:01,395 --> 00:34:03,085 Yeah. Or you get to go longer. 864 00:34:03,195 --> 00:34:06,365 Like our whole thing has always been, um, 865 00:34:07,425 --> 00:34:10,165 I'm gon I mean, unless we're playing with edging 866 00:34:10,165 --> 00:34:11,165 and orgasm control 867 00:34:11,225 --> 00:34:14,725 and those scenes, that, that, I don't think of it as a scene 868 00:34:14,915 --> 00:34:17,725 with a definite short term start and finish, 869 00:34:17,785 --> 00:34:19,045 but it's kind of a scene where it could 870 00:34:19,045 --> 00:34:20,405 last, it could last a while. 871 00:34:20,405 --> 00:34:23,165 Right. Unless when we're not playing that way, 872 00:34:23,165 --> 00:34:24,685 when it's like, this is about pleasure 873 00:34:24,905 --> 00:34:26,765 and get, let's, let's get you off. 874 00:34:26,765 --> 00:34:31,285 Right. You have always prioritized my pleasure. 875 00:34:31,995 --> 00:34:33,165 Like before you, 876 00:34:33,825 --> 00:34:35,645 before we fucking you come if you 877 00:34:35,645 --> 00:34:36,845 fuck at all, if we fuck at all. 878 00:34:36,845 --> 00:34:39,885 Mm-Hmm. , I'm gonna have minimum of two 879 00:34:39,885 --> 00:34:42,205 or three because I'm capable of multiple, 880 00:34:42,265 --> 00:34:43,285 not everybody's capable of that. 881 00:34:43,665 --> 00:34:45,525 I'm gonna get mine in some way. 882 00:34:45,795 --> 00:34:47,685 It's gonna be filthy, it's gonna be kinky, 883 00:34:47,685 --> 00:34:49,325 it's gonna be rough, it's gonna be raw. 884 00:34:50,145 --> 00:34:54,285 And then when you know that I'm basically the equivalent 885 00:34:54,305 --> 00:34:57,845 of a wet dish rag, , 886 00:34:59,345 --> 00:35:03,685 um, has been rung the fuck out, then if you're like, wanting 887 00:35:03,705 --> 00:35:06,965 to feeling it capable of it, then you might, 888 00:35:07,415 --> 00:35:08,525 there might be penetration. 889 00:35:08,555 --> 00:35:11,605 Yeah. And then you might worry about your own orgasm. 890 00:35:11,605 --> 00:35:13,925 Mm-Hmm. . I mean, I still remember 891 00:35:14,705 --> 00:35:19,605 the very visceral, what the fuck of we fucked we played, 892 00:35:20,665 --> 00:35:21,925 had my multiple orgasms. 893 00:35:21,925 --> 00:35:23,845 And then you stopped before there. I was like, what? 894 00:35:24,065 --> 00:35:25,525 You were like, I was enjoying myself, 895 00:35:25,525 --> 00:35:27,485 but I didn't need to go, you know? 896 00:35:27,485 --> 00:35:28,645 Mm-Hmm. . We didn't have to go that far. 897 00:35:29,695 --> 00:35:31,525 Ironically, last night, , 898 00:35:31,905 --> 00:35:33,805 - You - Were like, oh, we're going until I do. 899 00:35:33,875 --> 00:35:35,165 Yeah. And that was 900 00:35:36,645 --> 00:35:37,645 - Marathon. 901 00:35:37,645 --> 00:35:39,485 - That was a while. - . I was like, 902 00:35:41,625 --> 00:35:42,625 - I'm tired. 903 00:35:42,625 --> 00:35:44,605 Um, but yeah, 904 00:35:44,725 --> 00:35:47,325 I think it's really about rethinking what sex is. 905 00:35:47,425 --> 00:35:50,205 Mm-Hmm. centering the penis a little bit less. 906 00:35:50,355 --> 00:35:52,405 Yeah. Because quite frankly, depending on what 907 00:35:52,555 --> 00:35:54,725 that partner gets pleasure from, as a dom, 908 00:35:55,275 --> 00:35:58,165 they might discover that there are other ways to experience 909 00:35:58,725 --> 00:36:01,685 satisfaction and pleasure without having 910 00:36:01,785 --> 00:36:03,565 to stick their dick in something. 911 00:36:03,945 --> 00:36:05,885 You know? It's possible. 912 00:36:06,125 --> 00:36:07,325 'cause for you, I know you've said it. Yeah. 913 00:36:07,325 --> 00:36:08,925 Sometimes the satisfaction you get is 914 00:36:08,925 --> 00:36:10,365 like, what you do to me. 915 00:36:10,715 --> 00:36:15,365 Like, how hard am I screaming? Right. How red is my skin? 916 00:36:16,235 --> 00:36:18,165 Have I started crying yet? You know, 917 00:36:18,285 --> 00:36:19,285 - . 918 00:36:19,285 --> 00:36:21,125 Yeah. Have, have I got you, you know, squirming and, 919 00:36:21,225 --> 00:36:23,885 and riding on the bed, right? Yeah. Right. 920 00:36:23,905 --> 00:36:28,685 - Mm-Hmm. . So yeah. There. Yeah. 921 00:36:28,765 --> 00:36:30,405 I think it's two things. It's three things. 922 00:36:30,545 --> 00:36:32,805 Get some toys to, to do the job 923 00:36:32,805 --> 00:36:34,325 that the penis can't do at times. 924 00:36:34,355 --> 00:36:37,165 Yeah. Redefine what the fuck sex is. Mm-Hmm. . 925 00:36:37,465 --> 00:36:40,485 And maybe like decenter the penis. Yeah. 926 00:36:40,625 --> 00:36:42,005 - Mm-Hmm. - . Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 927 00:36:42,045 --> 00:36:43,245 . Mm-Hmm. . Uh, 928 00:36:43,245 --> 00:36:45,765 these are going quicker than I thought they would. 929 00:36:46,045 --> 00:36:49,525 . They're going quicker. Okay. 930 00:36:50,835 --> 00:36:52,325 Okay. Here we go. Mm. 931 00:36:52,945 --> 00:36:56,605 Um, am I topping from the bottom for saying what I want? 932 00:36:57,385 --> 00:37:00,565 So I 28 female have been in a relationship with my partner, 933 00:37:00,695 --> 00:37:02,365 51 male for eight years. 934 00:37:02,795 --> 00:37:04,125 There's a bit of a backstory, 935 00:37:04,125 --> 00:37:05,845 but I'm gonna focus on the issue at hand here. 936 00:37:05,955 --> 00:37:09,125 He's asked if I'm still submissive as he's noticed a lack 937 00:37:09,365 --> 00:37:12,205 of enthusiasm for me committing to my submissive role. 938 00:37:12,395 --> 00:37:13,925 I've told him, yes, he isn't wrong, 939 00:37:13,925 --> 00:37:15,085 that I've been struggling a little, 940 00:37:15,345 --> 00:37:17,805 and that in order to offer the kind of submission he wants, 941 00:37:18,205 --> 00:37:20,125 I need to feel romantic desire. 942 00:37:20,845 --> 00:37:23,005 I need to feel that he wants me for my body and mind. 943 00:37:23,065 --> 00:37:26,245 And not just that I can, that I can offer as a willing body 944 00:37:26,245 --> 00:37:27,645 to be used for his own benefit. 945 00:37:28,725 --> 00:37:29,845 I want to feel, wanted 946 00:37:29,945 --> 00:37:32,245 and desired for me as a person in order 947 00:37:32,245 --> 00:37:34,005 to get turned on and want to submit. 948 00:37:34,865 --> 00:37:37,925 He told me by asking this, I'm topping from the bottom. 949 00:37:38,305 --> 00:37:41,005 I'm putting in my own necessities by saying, 950 00:37:41,065 --> 00:37:43,085 if you want this, you'll have to give me that. 951 00:37:43,385 --> 00:37:44,605 And that's not reasonable. 952 00:37:44,695 --> 00:37:49,405 Slash I'm not being submissive as far as I'm concerned. 953 00:37:49,405 --> 00:37:51,125 Submission is earned not taken. 954 00:37:51,265 --> 00:37:54,245 And I've upset him by saying that if you have, if you having 955 00:37:54,265 --> 00:37:55,285 to give me some romance 956 00:37:55,385 --> 00:37:57,445 before I submit, is me topping from the bottom. 957 00:37:57,785 --> 00:38:00,605 It is what it is. Okay. I'm, I'm here for her . 958 00:38:00,605 --> 00:38:02,885 - Right. - He's not happy with that. 959 00:38:03,835 --> 00:38:05,245 - I've been in shocking, - Right. 960 00:38:05,355 --> 00:38:07,765 I've been in the BDSM community for a long time now. 961 00:38:07,765 --> 00:38:10,125 So being accused of topping from the bottom has hurt a 962 00:38:10,125 --> 00:38:12,285 little as it's somewhat frowned upon in the community. 963 00:38:12,665 --> 00:38:14,885 But also if asking for a blatant show 964 00:38:14,885 --> 00:38:16,805 of romantic desire is topping from the bottom, 965 00:38:16,995 --> 00:38:18,445 I'll happily take that on board 966 00:38:18,445 --> 00:38:19,805 because that's simply how I feel. 967 00:38:19,825 --> 00:38:21,525 And I accept that it is what it is. 968 00:38:22,505 --> 00:38:25,925 Uh, thanks for any feedback I feel at a crossroad right now 969 00:38:25,945 --> 00:38:27,405 and don't really know if I'm right or wrong. 970 00:38:27,465 --> 00:38:29,045 And it'd be nice to get clarification. 971 00:38:29,475 --> 00:38:31,165 Like I say, if this is topping from the bottom, 972 00:38:31,345 --> 00:38:32,605 I'm not even mad about it anymore 973 00:38:32,605 --> 00:38:34,005 because I'm being true to myself. 974 00:38:34,265 --> 00:38:35,965 But I'm still curious if he's right 975 00:38:35,965 --> 00:38:37,805 because I'm thinking surely wanting 976 00:38:37,805 --> 00:38:40,885 to feel romantic desire isn't an unreasonable request from 977 00:38:40,925 --> 00:38:41,965 a sub to a dom. 978 00:38:42,685 --> 00:38:43,885 I don't know. I'm just confused right now. 979 00:38:43,885 --> 00:38:45,205 Thank you for your help and opinions. 980 00:38:45,305 --> 00:38:48,525 So let's get one thing straight. I got opinions. Yeah. 981 00:38:48,985 --> 00:38:52,605 But one of the things is it is okay to want romantic 982 00:38:53,985 --> 00:38:55,285 desire, affection. 983 00:38:55,285 --> 00:38:57,805 Sure. It's also okay not to want that. Yeah. 984 00:38:57,905 --> 00:39:00,045 That's called incompatibility though. Mm-Hmm. . 985 00:39:00,425 --> 00:39:02,645 That's, to me that's like the simplest one. Yeah. 986 00:39:02,785 --> 00:39:05,085 But let, let's get, let's get into the, the, 987 00:39:05,305 --> 00:39:06,965 the other bits. Um, 988 00:39:07,115 --> 00:39:08,525 - Yeah, go - For it. 989 00:39:09,045 --> 00:39:13,085 - . Um, not topping from the bottom. 990 00:39:13,385 --> 00:39:15,605 No, it's not toing from the goddamn bottom. Not bottom. 991 00:39:15,825 --> 00:39:19,605 Not that's easy. Not, um, you know, ugh. 992 00:39:22,905 --> 00:39:26,085 You know, just because someone identifies 993 00:39:26,085 --> 00:39:29,005 as a little f doesn't s doesn't mean they 994 00:39:30,905 --> 00:39:35,085 cannot request things that they want 995 00:39:35,265 --> 00:39:37,525 - Or that they might not have requirements of what it takes 996 00:39:37,525 --> 00:39:38,645 to get them in the head space. 997 00:39:38,645 --> 00:39:41,525 Yeah. To be the partner that you want them to be. Mm-Hmm. 998 00:39:41,665 --> 00:39:42,685 We all, I mean, we've, 999 00:39:42,685 --> 00:39:44,205 we've had this conversation so many times. 1000 00:39:44,505 --> 00:39:45,965 We all have needs. Right. 1001 00:39:46,105 --> 00:39:48,445 To the extent that a partner is capable of it, we, 1002 00:39:48,825 --> 00:39:50,765 we deserve to have those needs met. 1003 00:39:50,945 --> 00:39:54,445 Yep. Does getting those needs met look different in power 1004 00:39:54,645 --> 00:39:56,285 exchange than it would look outside of power exchange? 1005 00:39:56,385 --> 00:39:57,805 Of course. Of course. Sure. 1006 00:39:57,825 --> 00:40:00,085 But that does not negate the fact that you get 1007 00:40:00,085 --> 00:40:01,165 to have fucking needs. 1008 00:40:01,375 --> 00:40:04,725 Right. That's been a topic, an episode topic on my mind. 1009 00:40:04,725 --> 00:40:06,405 Not that we haven't had that conversation before, 1010 00:40:06,585 --> 00:40:08,965 but to like, like get into it a little bit anyway. 1011 00:40:08,965 --> 00:40:11,045 Yeah. Anyway, um, here's the thing 1012 00:40:11,045 --> 00:40:12,365 that strike stands out to me. 1013 00:40:13,225 --> 00:40:15,245 The age gap, y'all. I'm struggling. 1014 00:40:15,345 --> 00:40:16,845 We got an 18 year age gap. Yeah. 1015 00:40:17,355 --> 00:40:18,885 They've been together for eight years. 1016 00:40:19,065 --> 00:40:21,845 So she was 20 when they got together. Okay. 1017 00:40:22,225 --> 00:40:23,245 So that makes me wonder 1018 00:40:23,665 --> 00:40:26,845 how much power exchange knowledge did she have before? 1019 00:40:27,075 --> 00:40:28,845 True. Um, clearly she's 1020 00:40:29,445 --> 00:40:31,205 educated herself somewhere along the lines. 1021 00:40:31,205 --> 00:40:32,885 Mm-Hmm. . 'cause I, she was another one 1022 00:40:32,885 --> 00:40:34,245 where at the end I'm like, I agree with you. 1023 00:40:34,365 --> 00:40:35,525 I agree with you. Yeah. Right. 1024 00:40:35,995 --> 00:40:38,205 - Yeah. - That being said, 1025 00:40:38,425 --> 00:40:39,425 - Mm-Hmm. 1026 00:40:39,425 --> 00:40:40,685 - what's happened in the past eight years. 1027 00:40:41,115 --> 00:40:46,005 Because there was a time when she could 1028 00:40:46,425 --> 00:40:49,725 be the little s partner and she could do those things 1029 00:40:49,825 --> 00:40:52,805 and she could get into the head space and now she can't. 1030 00:40:52,805 --> 00:40:55,485 So either there's been a self-discovery on her end. Mm-Hmm. 1031 00:40:55,525 --> 00:40:56,965 , there's, uh, been a lack 1032 00:40:56,965 --> 00:40:58,165 of something on his end. 1033 00:40:58,435 --> 00:41:00,765 Something has happened. Happened, yeah. 1034 00:41:01,465 --> 00:41:06,245 And instead of, you know, him coming 1035 00:41:06,245 --> 00:41:08,085 to her and going, I see some differences here. 1036 00:41:08,085 --> 00:41:10,845 Some things have shifted. Can we talk about this? Mm-Hmm. 1037 00:41:10,925 --> 00:41:12,805 , what's going on? How do we need to, whatever 1038 00:41:14,235 --> 00:41:16,565 he's throwing out the, well, this is not a me problem, 1039 00:41:16,635 --> 00:41:17,725 this is a you problem. 1040 00:41:18,025 --> 00:41:20,205 Mm-Hmm. , you know, you just need to submit 1041 00:41:20,205 --> 00:41:22,605 because I told you to fuck you 1042 00:41:22,605 --> 00:41:23,885 and the horse you rode in on . 1043 00:41:24,235 --> 00:41:25,805 Yeah. Um, I will go back to, 1044 00:41:25,805 --> 00:41:27,365 we talked about it in the age gaps episode. 1045 00:41:27,465 --> 00:41:29,805 We are not here to give side eye to age gaps. 1046 00:41:30,305 --> 00:41:33,445 Age gaps are not inherently predatory. They are not. 1047 00:41:33,445 --> 00:41:36,365 They're not. They're not. However, I would have loved 1048 00:41:36,365 --> 00:41:40,325 to have been a fly on the wall when 20-year-old her met 1049 00:41:40,355 --> 00:41:41,765 what he would've been 43. 1050 00:41:42,315 --> 00:41:45,365 Yeah. Was he her first intro into this Mm-Hmm. 1051 00:41:45,405 --> 00:41:47,845 . And did he use, 1052 00:41:48,515 --> 00:41:51,325 he's using manipulation tactics now to tell her that 1053 00:41:51,395 --> 00:41:53,205 that proclaiming her wants and 1054 00:41:53,205 --> 00:41:55,725 and communicating her wants is topping from the bottom. 1055 00:41:55,755 --> 00:41:58,365 Yeah. No. So if he's using them now eight years later, 1056 00:41:59,025 --> 00:42:02,925 did he use manipulation to get her in the first place? 1057 00:42:03,445 --> 00:42:05,165 I have questions. It's the thing I'll never get 1058 00:42:05,165 --> 00:42:07,125 to know, but I do have questions. 1059 00:42:07,275 --> 00:42:08,885 This is one of those times where I am giving 1060 00:42:08,995 --> 00:42:10,125 side eye to the age gap. 1061 00:42:10,125 --> 00:42:11,125 Mm-Hmm. . Because 1062 00:42:13,165 --> 00:42:17,605 - I mean, it, it, it sounds like, you know, Taytay, 1063 00:42:17,605 --> 00:42:19,365 you brought it up in the live chat and, 1064 00:42:19,545 --> 00:42:23,885 and we've talked about this numerous times in the past. 1065 00:42:23,995 --> 00:42:26,925 This sounds like one of those instances where 1066 00:42:27,955 --> 00:42:30,045 this person is taking, taking, taking 1067 00:42:32,145 --> 00:42:34,525 and not doing anything to refill the well 1068 00:42:34,545 --> 00:42:36,805 and the well is beginning to run dry dismissive 1069 00:42:36,805 --> 00:42:37,805 - Genes are not being met. 1070 00:42:37,805 --> 00:42:39,165 Right. And so therefore they've got to a point, 1071 00:42:39,165 --> 00:42:40,205 they're like, I cannot give you 1072 00:42:40,205 --> 00:42:42,765 what you want without getting what I need. 1073 00:42:42,825 --> 00:42:45,005 Mm-Hmm. . And the thing is, 1074 00:42:45,025 --> 00:42:47,805 is ultimately we come down to incompatibility if 1075 00:42:47,805 --> 00:42:49,005 that's what she needs. 1076 00:42:49,025 --> 00:42:50,285 Mm-Hmm. . And he does not want 1077 00:42:50,285 --> 00:42:51,765 to give it. She's not bad. 1078 00:42:52,385 --> 00:42:54,685 - No. She's - Just with the wrong partner. Right. 1079 00:42:54,705 --> 00:42:57,285 She needs a partner who wants to give her what she needs 1080 00:42:57,285 --> 00:42:59,445 because they, they want to do that either for her or 1081 00:42:59,445 --> 00:43:00,925 because they agree that they need the same thing. 1082 00:43:01,105 --> 00:43:02,685 It doesn't matter how they get there, 1083 00:43:03,385 --> 00:43:07,485 but he strikes me as somebody who maybe didn't have 1084 00:43:07,485 --> 00:43:09,805 to work real hard for Mm-Hmm. 1085 00:43:09,885 --> 00:43:11,365 that person's submission. And now 1086 00:43:11,515 --> 00:43:12,725 he's being asked to work for it. 1087 00:43:12,725 --> 00:43:14,245 Work for it, and doesn't wanna fucking work 1088 00:43:14,245 --> 00:43:15,245 - For it. 1089 00:43:15,245 --> 00:43:17,845 Yeah. And, and you know, it's, it's another one 1090 00:43:17,845 --> 00:43:22,045 of those things where whether you're in the lifestyle, 1091 00:43:22,045 --> 00:43:25,285 whether you're not in the lifestyle, you know, 1092 00:43:27,385 --> 00:43:29,685 in, in any relationship, people change. 1093 00:43:29,685 --> 00:43:31,485 People grow. Right. Okay. 1094 00:43:32,275 --> 00:43:34,765 Best case scenario, people grow together. 1095 00:43:35,335 --> 00:43:36,765 - Right. Ideally. - Yeah. Okay. 1096 00:43:36,795 --> 00:43:39,445 Ideally people can grow together and, 1097 00:43:39,625 --> 00:43:42,245 and you move on to new chapters in your life. 1098 00:43:42,525 --> 00:43:45,965 Mm-Hmm. , um, the, the not so ideal 1099 00:43:47,045 --> 00:43:51,445 situation is that as one person grows, 1100 00:43:51,465 --> 00:43:53,285 the other grows apart. Right. 1101 00:43:53,645 --> 00:43:54,605 - . And that is very common. 1102 00:43:54,625 --> 00:43:55,885 Mm-Hmm. that's very common. 1103 00:43:56,145 --> 00:43:57,365 - You know? And, and, 1104 00:43:57,425 --> 00:44:00,405 and that is something unfortunately that is inherent in, 1105 00:44:00,545 --> 00:44:02,645 in human nature and, 1106 00:44:02,785 --> 00:44:06,085 and it is not, um, you know, 1107 00:44:07,315 --> 00:44:09,645 something that, that you can say, well, 1108 00:44:09,645 --> 00:44:12,125 this doesn't happen in a DS relationship. 1109 00:44:12,405 --> 00:44:13,885 'cause it does and it can. Right. 1110 00:44:14,125 --> 00:44:15,405 - 'cause we're just people. - Right. 1111 00:44:15,715 --> 00:44:17,605 - Just a different flavor of people. Yeah. 1112 00:44:17,605 --> 00:44:19,805 Something that stands out to me. Mm-Hmm. 1113 00:44:19,845 --> 00:44:21,845 , um, in her post was, he told me 1114 00:44:21,845 --> 00:44:23,445 by asking this, that I'm topping from the bottom. 1115 00:44:23,585 --> 00:44:25,245 I'm putting in my own necessities by saying, 1116 00:44:25,585 --> 00:44:28,045 if you want this, you'll have to give me that. 1117 00:44:28,505 --> 00:44:30,645 And that, that makes her not submissive. 1118 00:44:30,835 --> 00:44:34,085 That strikes me, that attitude strikes me as the same energy 1119 00:44:34,225 --> 00:44:36,845 of why should I thank you for doing the thing 1120 00:44:36,845 --> 00:44:37,925 that you're supposed to do. 1121 00:44:38,155 --> 00:44:42,125 - Yeah. - No, thank you. I know. I find that distasteful. 1122 00:44:42,905 --> 00:44:46,885 The, that to me is the same energy of why should I tell you 1123 00:44:49,035 --> 00:44:50,205 what I need when 1124 00:44:50,205 --> 00:44:51,525 - You should just be able to see, 1125 00:44:51,595 --> 00:44:52,595 - Know. 1126 00:44:52,595 --> 00:44:54,565 Right. Yeah. We just, it'll come out a few days 1127 00:44:54,565 --> 00:44:55,925 after this, uh, episode. 1128 00:44:56,265 --> 00:44:58,045 We just did our q and A episode 1129 00:44:58,185 --> 00:45:00,725 and it, there was, there's a flavor of some 1130 00:45:00,725 --> 00:45:02,245 of this too to hear. Yeah. 1131 00:45:02,875 --> 00:45:05,405 - Yeah. - That, that particular person's dom was like, 1132 00:45:05,625 --> 00:45:06,765 why do I have to tell you what to do? 1133 00:45:06,785 --> 00:45:09,405 You have eyes. Just do what you see needs to be done. 1134 00:45:09,465 --> 00:45:11,045 Mm-Hmm. , that's kind of the same energy. 1135 00:45:11,105 --> 00:45:13,405 Why are you asking for any fucking effort from me? 1136 00:45:13,885 --> 00:45:15,685 I just wanna do what the fuck I wanna do, 1137 00:45:16,315 --> 00:45:17,645 call myself the dom, 1138 00:45:17,865 --> 00:45:19,205 and I don't actually wanna have 1139 00:45:19,205 --> 00:45:20,925 to put any effort or work into it. 1140 00:45:20,925 --> 00:45:22,245 Yeah. And this person's like, 1141 00:45:22,265 --> 00:45:23,645 I'm not even asking for that much. 1142 00:45:23,865 --> 00:45:26,165 I'm asking for like a bare minimum. Mm-Hmm. 1143 00:45:26,205 --> 00:45:29,085 of like a, a base level. Right. You know? 1144 00:45:29,505 --> 00:45:31,885 And ultimately you're incompatible. 1145 00:45:32,295 --> 00:45:34,325 Break it up Yep. To the, you know, 1146 00:45:35,065 --> 00:45:37,485 - Listen, - Separate your lives to the extent that you can 1147 00:45:38,105 --> 00:45:39,445 go find somebody who can give you what you want. 1148 00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:43,045 Mm-Hmm. . But also this, this dumb is shitty. 1149 00:45:44,795 --> 00:45:46,645 It's, I don't wanna have to put that effort in, 1150 00:45:46,645 --> 00:45:47,965 so I'm gonna, it's manipulation. 1151 00:45:48,285 --> 00:45:49,285 I don't wanna put the effort in. 1152 00:45:49,285 --> 00:45:50,805 So I'm gonna make you feel bad for asking. 1153 00:45:51,785 --> 00:45:53,085 I'm gonna make, I'm gonna tell you, 1154 00:45:53,225 --> 00:45:54,685 you are not a good submissive. 1155 00:45:54,685 --> 00:45:56,405 You're not real. You're doing kink wrong. 1156 00:45:56,475 --> 00:45:59,645 Because I don't like the demand you've placed on me. Yeah. 1157 00:46:00,965 --> 00:46:03,685 I don't like the fact that you have set expectations 1158 00:46:03,945 --> 00:46:07,685 and expect me as the all knowing, all powerful, all seeing 1159 00:46:08,285 --> 00:46:11,645 oz slash Dom to actually provide it. 1160 00:46:12,285 --> 00:46:14,765 - I know, I know. - Distasteful. 1161 00:46:14,765 --> 00:46:16,605 - Yeah. It it is. It is. 1162 00:46:17,395 --> 00:46:19,005 - Yeah. Oh, good. 1163 00:46:19,005 --> 00:46:21,085 We've had like a whole run of other than, well, 1164 00:46:21,085 --> 00:46:22,805 at least one Dom's being shitty. 1165 00:46:23,365 --> 00:46:25,925 . Great. Great. 1166 00:46:26,325 --> 00:46:28,245 I mean, I'm impressed with the brat tamer 1167 00:46:28,265 --> 00:46:29,805 who did their job so well. 1168 00:46:29,895 --> 00:46:31,325 Their brat was like, I don't even 1169 00:46:31,325 --> 00:46:32,485 need to brat anymore. Right. 1170 00:46:32,585 --> 00:46:34,205 - I'm just getting, - I'm just getting it. Good. 1171 00:46:34,445 --> 00:46:36,165 I don't have to fight for this anymore. 1172 00:46:36,625 --> 00:46:38,565 Um, that one impresses me. . Mm-Hmm. . 1173 00:46:39,545 --> 00:46:43,805 So weirdly, that's it. That's it. 1174 00:46:43,865 --> 00:46:45,085 We got through those quick. 1175 00:46:45,505 --> 00:46:46,645 - Wow. - I know. 1176 00:46:47,945 --> 00:46:50,965 Uh, did I, I mean, I didn't, I know I didn't, 1177 00:46:50,985 --> 00:46:55,965 but also, did I use up all my rambling power last week? 1178 00:46:57,685 --> 00:46:59,565 I didn't. I have more ble in 1179 00:46:59,565 --> 00:47:00,565 - Me. 1180 00:47:00,565 --> 00:47:02,165 I, I was gonna say, I don't think that that, that is a, 1181 00:47:02,165 --> 00:47:03,965 well, I don't think will ever go dry 1182 00:47:04,405 --> 00:47:05,405 - . 1183 00:47:05,405 --> 00:47:06,845 No. My look, my brain rambles. 1184 00:47:07,025 --> 00:47:10,765 So then the words come out somehow more ramly. 1185 00:47:10,765 --> 00:47:11,765 It all makes sense in my head 1186 00:47:11,765 --> 00:47:13,165 until I try and start putting words to it. 1187 00:47:13,665 --> 00:47:13,885 Um, 1188 00:47:17,345 --> 00:47:18,805 so yeah. 1189 00:47:19,025 --> 00:47:21,885 Uh, as always, uh, people are fucked up , and, 1190 00:47:22,225 --> 00:47:24,485 and most of the time the answer is, uh, 1191 00:47:24,705 --> 00:47:25,885 should you be with that person? 1192 00:47:26,105 --> 00:47:28,125 Mm-Hmm. . Um, I, I am grateful 1193 00:47:28,125 --> 00:47:29,485 that the answers were not all 1194 00:47:29,485 --> 00:47:30,685 just fucking have a conversation. 1195 00:47:30,755 --> 00:47:32,565 - Yeah, I know, right? That - Was, that was delightful. 1196 00:47:32,705 --> 00:47:34,685 Yes. Yes. Um, but it does feel like some 1197 00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:35,925 of the answers were Yeah. 1198 00:47:36,055 --> 00:47:38,605 Throw that one out out. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 1199 00:47:38,645 --> 00:47:40,365 to get you a new, a new one. . 1200 00:47:40,925 --> 00:47:42,805 A new one of whatever. You don't need that one. 1201 00:47:43,035 --> 00:47:44,085 Nope. Good. Yeah. 1202 00:47:44,275 --> 00:47:46,245 - Yeah. Move along. Move along. Yeah. 1203 00:47:46,245 --> 00:47:47,565 Nothing to see here. . 1204 00:47:48,045 --> 00:47:50,485 - I do think I'm getting a lot more comfortable with, 1205 00:47:50,625 --> 00:47:55,605 and I don't ever wanna be dismissive of clearly nuanced, um, 1206 00:47:55,785 --> 00:47:57,725 issues that people go through, relationship issues. 1207 00:47:57,725 --> 00:47:59,605 Yeah. But I am becoming a lot more comfortable 1208 00:47:59,605 --> 00:48:01,685 with Why are you still together ? 1209 00:48:02,245 --> 00:48:04,165 I used to hate giving that advice 1210 00:48:04,225 --> 00:48:05,225 - Or I know. 1211 00:48:05,225 --> 00:48:07,245 - Or offering that as a, a, a, a viewpoint. 1212 00:48:07,245 --> 00:48:08,365 Mm-Hmm. because it was like, 1213 00:48:08,365 --> 00:48:09,365 - But what? 1214 00:48:09,365 --> 00:48:09,965 But some, sometimes that's 1215 00:48:10,115 --> 00:48:12,645 - What if there's some mysterious detail I can't see 1216 00:48:12,665 --> 00:48:13,845 and they can work it out. 1217 00:48:13,865 --> 00:48:17,765 And now I'm like, no, throw that one back. No. 1218 00:48:18,625 --> 00:48:21,125 You don't want that one . No. 1219 00:48:21,275 --> 00:48:24,845 That one's not good for you. No. Yeah. 1220 00:48:25,105 --> 00:48:28,165 Um, also it's a very, I also always kind of 1221 00:48:28,735 --> 00:48:32,005 shied away from saying the answer is don't be together, 1222 00:48:32,005 --> 00:48:34,845 because that's kind of a very trite, simple answer. 1223 00:48:34,845 --> 00:48:35,925 Mm-Hmm. . Oh, it's difficult 1224 00:48:36,035 --> 00:48:37,045 just in the relationship. 1225 00:48:37,045 --> 00:48:38,445 Yeah. But that's, that's not my vibe either. 1226 00:48:38,475 --> 00:48:41,685 It's like, why are you subjecting yourself to 1227 00:48:41,685 --> 00:48:42,685 - This ? 1228 00:48:42,685 --> 00:48:47,205 - Right. Right. Often. Like why ? 1229 00:48:47,825 --> 00:48:52,365 So, um, that's, that's the episode part of the episode. Yes. 1230 00:48:52,375 --> 00:48:53,685 We'll go into a bonus section. 1231 00:48:54,145 --> 00:48:57,125 Um, just a quick reminder, we won't rehash it 1232 00:48:57,365 --> 00:48:59,525 'cause I don't, don't wanna stop for trigger warning, 1233 00:48:59,525 --> 00:49:03,005 but we do have the GoFundMe link in the places, um, 1234 00:49:03,665 --> 00:49:05,565 for the thing we talked about at the top. 1235 00:49:06,105 --> 00:49:07,885 If you have even a dollar to spare, 1236 00:49:08,505 --> 00:49:10,845 do not put yourself in financial jeopardy 1237 00:49:12,465 --> 00:49:16,085 for anything like this, for anybody to take care of you. 1238 00:49:16,085 --> 00:49:16,885 Mm-Hmm. . However, 1239 00:49:16,905 --> 00:49:18,565 if you've got a little despair. Yeah, 1240 00:49:19,075 --> 00:49:20,075 - Yeah, - Yeah. 1241 00:49:20,705 --> 00:49:24,805 So, um, yeah, 1242 00:49:26,425 --> 00:49:27,605 that's, that'll be I guess. 1243 00:49:27,915 --> 00:49:30,645 Sure. Bonus Uhhuh. What are words? I don't know. 1244 00:49:31,745 --> 00:49:33,645 I'm on my second coffee too. I feel like. 1245 00:49:35,165 --> 00:49:37,605 I feel like we should, there's a problem here. 1246 00:49:38,745 --> 00:49:42,525 - Yes, there is. - And I will need like a sweet tea 1247 00:49:42,525 --> 00:49:43,845 or a diet coke in a minute 1248 00:49:43,865 --> 00:49:45,525 for the next thing we're doing after this. 1249 00:49:45,585 --> 00:49:48,205 So true. True. I'll be hopped up on caffeine . 1250 00:49:48,825 --> 00:49:52,525 - Oh boy. Oh boy. - Okay. 1251 00:49:54,185 --> 00:49:55,965 - Um, so are we good? I don't know. 1252 00:49:57,675 --> 00:49:59,045 Keep it kin. Keep the kinky, y'all. 1253 00:49:59,315 --> 00:50:00,085 - I'll see you next week. 1254 00:50:10,135 --> 00:50:11,135 Daddy. 1255 00:50:11,785 --> 00:50:13,645 - Yes, baby girl. We talk - To the crickets. 1256 00:50:14,225 --> 00:50:18,765 - Um, now if I say yes to that and, 1257 00:50:18,905 --> 00:50:21,765 and you turn around and say, I got nothing, . 1258 00:50:22,715 --> 00:50:25,605 Okay, then what's the point of me giving you permission 1259 00:50:25,745 --> 00:50:26,845 to talk to the crickets? 1260 00:50:27,625 --> 00:50:29,205 - So here's the thing. 1261 00:50:29,805 --> 00:50:30,885 I don't, I know 1262 00:50:30,885 --> 00:50:33,005 that there's something I've been meaning to like say Mm-Hmm. 1263 00:50:33,045 --> 00:50:35,045 . But can I remember it? No. 1264 00:50:35,155 --> 00:50:36,565 I'll have to start babbling 1265 00:50:36,565 --> 00:50:39,565 and rambling about random shit to get 1266 00:50:39,565 --> 00:50:41,085 that train back on the tracks. 1267 00:50:41,475 --> 00:50:45,925 - Okay. - So technically it's not that I got nothing, 1268 00:50:47,275 --> 00:50:49,485 it's that I can't find it. Okay. 1269 00:50:49,645 --> 00:50:51,165 - , I have lost it. . 1270 00:50:51,985 --> 00:50:55,645 - Uh, take that however you'd like. I have lost it. Um, so 1271 00:50:55,795 --> 00:50:58,525 - Well you better tie a flag to your keys and find it. 1272 00:50:58,865 --> 00:51:00,725 - Do you know how many flags I would be talking? 1273 00:51:00,995 --> 00:51:04,245 It's the same reason I don't put little tabs when I read a 1274 00:51:04,405 --> 00:51:07,605 physical book because everything gets tapped. Yeah, 1275 00:51:07,605 --> 00:51:08,605 - I see. 1276 00:51:08,605 --> 00:51:09,645 I've seen everything gets tabbed. Nothing gets tapped. 1277 00:51:09,765 --> 00:51:11,325 I have seen books that you've tabbed . 1278 00:51:11,845 --> 00:51:13,045 - I don't highlight for that reason. 1279 00:51:14,405 --> 00:51:17,005 - , I have seen books 1280 00:51:17,005 --> 00:51:19,525 that you tabbed and what that can bring. So 1281 00:51:20,025 --> 00:51:21,805 - To answer your actual question, 1282 00:51:22,485 --> 00:51:27,445 - Um, - I want the freedom to be able to just like, 1283 00:51:27,825 --> 00:51:30,285 let the brain come straight out the mouth. 1284 00:51:30,345 --> 00:51:31,485 Mm-Hmm. to the 1285 00:51:31,485 --> 00:51:32,685 crickets without getting in trouble. 1286 00:51:32,825 --> 00:51:35,805 So therefore I always want to ask. Ah. 1287 00:51:36,025 --> 00:51:40,725 But the reality is, is I don't always have a specific topic 1288 00:51:41,065 --> 00:51:42,725 or, or I haven't found it yet. 1289 00:51:42,985 --> 00:51:46,005 I'm flailing about in the, the dark crevices 1290 00:51:46,005 --> 00:51:48,165 of my crazy brain to find it. 1291 00:51:48,385 --> 00:51:51,525 But I need your permission to have that freedom to be able 1292 00:51:51,525 --> 00:51:53,725 to stumble my way through to a topic. 1293 00:51:54,265 --> 00:51:55,485 So I have to ask, 1294 00:51:56,025 --> 00:51:57,365 but I also have to be honest 1295 00:51:57,365 --> 00:51:59,725 that sometimes I don't know what to say. 1296 00:52:00,745 --> 00:52:03,325 So does that make it 1297 00:52:03,685 --> 00:52:07,925 - - Clear as mud or did you follow that? 1298 00:52:08,245 --> 00:52:10,325 I, it's okay if you didn't. I barely did. 1299 00:52:11,165 --> 00:52:13,685 - I did enough. Okay. - Okay. You caught the gist. Yeah. 1300 00:52:13,685 --> 00:52:15,565 - Yeah. Go ahead and talk to the crickets though. Thank you. 1301 00:52:17,415 --> 00:52:22,005 - Thank you. I, there was something I was like, 1302 00:52:22,155 --> 00:52:23,765 I'll talk about that in the bonus section. 1303 00:52:24,165 --> 00:52:27,285 I don't fucking remember what that was. . I 1304 00:52:27,335 --> 00:52:28,335 - Dunno. 1305 00:52:28,335 --> 00:52:29,525 You need to keep pen and paper with you 1306 00:52:29,525 --> 00:52:30,765 and make notes, you know, that 1307 00:52:30,765 --> 00:52:32,925 - You could, do you really want me to be making notes 1308 00:52:32,925 --> 00:52:35,365 of everything I think that I would like to relay later? 1309 00:52:35,905 --> 00:52:38,045 You and I could never have a conversation again. 1310 00:52:38,925 --> 00:52:41,845 I could never focus on anything else when the mind 1311 00:52:41,915 --> 00:52:43,005 just starts whirling. 1312 00:52:43,705 --> 00:52:47,005 And I do think of a whirly gig, like in my brain, 1313 00:52:47,115 --> 00:52:48,485 it's just, we spin it up. 1314 00:52:48,485 --> 00:52:50,485 You hear that little like wine sound. 1315 00:52:50,715 --> 00:52:52,445 Like that's what's happening up there. 1316 00:52:53,165 --> 00:52:56,245 - . Okay. 1317 00:52:57,165 --> 00:52:58,845 - I could have sworn there was something. 1318 00:53:00,345 --> 00:53:01,645 So I'll, I'll do a rundown. 1319 00:53:01,645 --> 00:53:04,725 We went to the 18 year old's concert last week. Uhhuh. Was 1320 00:53:04,785 --> 00:53:06,925 - It delightful? It was. It's 1321 00:53:06,925 --> 00:53:07,925 - Delightful. 1322 00:53:07,925 --> 00:53:10,285 Mm-Hmm. , um, overfed him at Culver's. 1323 00:53:10,665 --> 00:53:12,285 It was funny, I texted him before the concert 1324 00:53:12,385 --> 00:53:13,965 and was like, uh, are we, 1325 00:53:14,215 --> 00:53:16,085 let's become our tradition after his concerts. 1326 00:53:16,425 --> 00:53:17,925 Now do you wanna go to Culver's? 1327 00:53:18,005 --> 00:53:19,765 'cause we can get custard and have dessert 1328 00:53:19,925 --> 00:53:21,005 'cause we'll have already eaten dinner. 1329 00:53:21,065 --> 00:53:23,645 And if he wants like a meal, he could eat 1330 00:53:23,645 --> 00:53:24,605 - A meal. He does something to eat. Yeah. 1331 00:53:25,145 --> 00:53:27,685 - And he goes, I'm not saying no to free food. 1332 00:53:28,005 --> 00:53:31,805 I said, spoke like a college student. . So . 1333 00:53:32,425 --> 00:53:36,165 Um, and then we could not all stop talking with one another. 1334 00:53:36,385 --> 00:53:38,845 Mm-Hmm. . So the concert started at seven 20. 1335 00:53:38,985 --> 00:53:40,365 By around eight 30 ish. 1336 00:53:40,465 --> 00:53:44,805 It was done, give or take by like nine. We were at Culver's. 1337 00:53:44,945 --> 00:53:47,445 We did not leave Culver's until 10 30. . 1338 00:53:47,445 --> 00:53:48,965 We got to the parking lot of his 1339 00:53:49,475 --> 00:53:51,445 apartment complex to drop him off. 1340 00:53:51,825 --> 00:53:55,045 We did not actually get back in our vehicle 1341 00:53:55,185 --> 00:53:59,685 and have him walk inside until like 11 30, 11 45. 1342 00:54:00,455 --> 00:54:03,005 Which means, I don't know, I don't know. Thursday night. 1343 00:54:03,005 --> 00:54:05,685 And I'm too old for this shit when I work on a Friday. 1344 00:54:06,265 --> 00:54:10,405 Uh, we did not get home until 1230 in the morning. Mm-Hmm. 1345 00:54:10,445 --> 00:54:11,365 . 'cause we could 1346 00:54:11,365 --> 00:54:12,405 not stop talking to one another. 1347 00:54:12,405 --> 00:54:14,405 What? And he had to catch us up on stuff. 1348 00:54:14,465 --> 00:54:15,965 And he's very introspective. 1349 00:54:15,965 --> 00:54:17,045 These, he's always been introspective, 1350 00:54:17,045 --> 00:54:18,285 but he is super introspective these days. 1351 00:54:18,395 --> 00:54:20,085 He's trying to figure himself out. 1352 00:54:20,145 --> 00:54:22,605 He is going through that like moment in life. 1353 00:54:22,945 --> 00:54:25,565 And then I'm trying to like keep him up, you know, 1354 00:54:25,945 --> 00:54:27,645 up on everything going on with his little brother. 1355 00:54:27,885 --> 00:54:29,445 'cause there's been like all kinds of medical stuff. 1356 00:54:29,705 --> 00:54:31,805 And then, you know, a little bit of what's going on with us. 1357 00:54:31,805 --> 00:54:33,125 But he didn't really care. We're just the parents. 1358 00:54:33,625 --> 00:54:35,205 And so there was just, and then, 1359 00:54:35,465 --> 00:54:38,565 and then my heart grew 85 sizes 1360 00:54:38,565 --> 00:54:41,245 because the big brother told the little brother, 1361 00:54:41,315 --> 00:54:43,605 here are the things I think you need to do to be healthy. 1362 00:54:43,785 --> 00:54:46,325 Now. Have the adults in this child's life advised him 1363 00:54:46,325 --> 00:54:48,165 of these things a hundred million times. 1364 00:54:48,425 --> 00:54:50,405 Of course. But the big brother said it. 1365 00:54:50,625 --> 00:54:52,965 And next thing you know, the kid, the little ones, I mean, 1366 00:54:53,045 --> 00:54:55,045 I say little child's almost six two and he's 14. 1367 00:54:55,585 --> 00:54:57,165 But his little face just lit up. 1368 00:54:57,405 --> 00:55:01,285 Like, I am receiving knowledge from the heavens. 1369 00:55:01,995 --> 00:55:04,725 This is gospel. I will follow this. Mm-Hmm. 1370 00:55:04,765 --> 00:55:05,765 for my whole lifetime. 1371 00:55:06,345 --> 00:55:08,365 Um, and it was delightful to watch. 1372 00:55:08,705 --> 00:55:10,565 Uh, I didn't even get annoyed that I was like, 1373 00:55:10,565 --> 00:55:11,765 those are words I've actually said. 1374 00:55:11,915 --> 00:55:14,005 I've actually told you to do that. It's fine. It's fine. 1375 00:55:14,005 --> 00:55:16,765 You needed to hear it from a different messenger. It's fine. 1376 00:55:17,545 --> 00:55:21,805 Um, but yeah. So that was good. Mm-Hmm. 1377 00:55:21,845 --> 00:55:25,685 It was, um, we're recording. 1378 00:55:25,685 --> 00:55:27,245 Podcast listeners are time traveling here. 1379 00:55:27,245 --> 00:55:28,645 We're recording on Valentine's. 1380 00:55:28,745 --> 00:55:30,685 We uh, will not do anything major there. 1381 00:55:30,705 --> 00:55:32,845 We did not do cards. No, I do not have flowers. 1382 00:55:32,895 --> 00:55:34,725 There are no gift giving one 1383 00:55:34,925 --> 00:55:36,605 'cause we don't really do much of that. 1384 00:55:36,605 --> 00:55:39,445 Two. Can't afford it. We are having a steak dinner at our 1385 00:55:39,445 --> 00:55:41,325 house cooked on our grill. 1386 00:55:41,425 --> 00:55:44,925 Mm-Hmm. . Um, and that is fine. 1387 00:55:45,425 --> 00:55:49,245 We don't really do date night steak dinners on a Wednesday. 1388 00:55:49,505 --> 00:55:51,365 No. Usually. So it's special . Yep. 1389 00:55:52,825 --> 00:55:56,805 Um, I, right before we started recording 1390 00:55:56,805 --> 00:55:58,965 and streaming, I got off, was on the phone with my mother. 1391 00:56:00,045 --> 00:56:02,285 I do not ever think of my mother as a typical boomer. 1392 00:56:02,585 --> 00:56:05,485 She is, she's right on the cusp between, um, 1393 00:56:05,785 --> 00:56:06,885 boomer and Gen X. 1394 00:56:06,975 --> 00:56:09,285 She's in that like five, six year pocket 1395 00:56:09,535 --> 00:56:10,645 where there's crossover. 1396 00:56:11,145 --> 00:56:13,485 And she never, I mean, her whole thing is, 1397 00:56:13,605 --> 00:56:14,725 I will not be a Karen. 1398 00:56:14,985 --> 00:56:16,485 You fucking kidding me. I'll not be a Karen. 1399 00:56:16,865 --> 00:56:18,365 And she tends to be more tech savvy. 1400 00:56:18,465 --> 00:56:20,525 And she's like, she's real cautious about stuff. 1401 00:56:20,625 --> 00:56:24,125 So, you know, you hear about elderly people getting scammed. 1402 00:56:24,125 --> 00:56:26,805 Right. And I'm always like, okay, I need to be aware 1403 00:56:26,805 --> 00:56:28,085 of this, but I think it'll be fine. 1404 00:56:28,185 --> 00:56:32,485 My mother calls to, I had heard what Monday 1405 00:56:33,235 --> 00:56:35,045 they had been, they'd gotten caught in a scam. 1406 00:56:35,105 --> 00:56:36,365 Her and my evil stepdad. Yeah. 1407 00:56:36,625 --> 00:56:39,565 And she'd had to like, spend hours dealing with the bank 1408 00:56:39,625 --> 00:56:41,845 and the credit card companies and the credit bureaus 1409 00:56:41,845 --> 00:56:43,485 and like all this stuff to fix it. 1410 00:56:44,265 --> 00:56:46,285 She called me to, or had me call her today. 1411 00:56:46,685 --> 00:56:48,365 'cause she was like, I have to, I I need your advice. 1412 00:56:48,465 --> 00:56:50,605 Am I, you know, have I done everything I'm supposed to do? 1413 00:56:50,665 --> 00:56:52,805 And she details the scam for me. 1414 00:56:53,305 --> 00:56:56,525 And I was like, but you're, I don't think of you as old. 1415 00:56:56,535 --> 00:56:57,565 She's like, she told me. 1416 00:56:57,565 --> 00:56:59,805 She's like, I mortified 1417 00:56:59,955 --> 00:57:01,645 that we even got caught in this scam. 1418 00:57:02,185 --> 00:57:03,325 It was one. And you had told me 1419 00:57:03,325 --> 00:57:04,925 that was an old one. Yeah. About, 1420 00:57:04,925 --> 00:57:06,005 - Been around for quite a while. 1421 00:57:06,905 --> 00:57:08,885 - You computer pops up with a message 1422 00:57:09,105 --> 00:57:11,765 and a blaring alarm sound telling you you have 1423 00:57:11,765 --> 00:57:15,005 to call Microsoft security or fraud or whatever it's called 1424 00:57:15,305 --> 00:57:18,085 and gives you this massive sense of urgency 1425 00:57:18,155 --> 00:57:21,205 that if you don't like, I don't know, your laptop's gonna 1426 00:57:21,825 --> 00:57:24,045 be mission impossible and blow up or something. 1427 00:57:24,245 --> 00:57:27,445 I don't know. So even though she knows not to click links 1428 00:57:27,445 --> 00:57:29,325 for mysterious emails and not to respond 1429 00:57:29,325 --> 00:57:32,045 to people she doesn't know, they placed that phone call 1430 00:57:32,625 --> 00:57:35,365 and got scammed, uh, got so close to getting scammed. 1431 00:57:35,365 --> 00:57:37,845 They did not lose any money, thank God. 1432 00:57:38,585 --> 00:57:40,325 But they did absolutely 1433 00:57:41,785 --> 00:57:44,165 for half a second believe a person on the phone when they 1434 00:57:44,165 --> 00:57:46,685 said, you can't tell anybody you're in your bank, 1435 00:57:46,685 --> 00:57:47,925 that you're talking to me on the phone. 1436 00:57:47,945 --> 00:57:49,605 We think this is an inside job. 1437 00:57:50,035 --> 00:57:51,685 They also got suckered into, 1438 00:57:51,745 --> 00:57:53,965 people can listen in on your phone call. 1439 00:57:54,875 --> 00:57:58,325 They also got suckered into, oh, well we're showing 1440 00:57:58,475 --> 00:58:02,805 that you've spent $35,000 on PornHub. 1441 00:58:04,745 --> 00:58:07,725 So I did not tease my mother about it. 1442 00:58:07,925 --> 00:58:09,085 I did not give her grief. 1443 00:58:09,845 --> 00:58:12,165 I talked her through what she was calling to ask me about. 1444 00:58:12,985 --> 00:58:15,245 Um, and then I was like, Hey, here are some things 1445 00:58:15,245 --> 00:58:18,325 to keep in mind for the future. 1446 00:58:18,665 --> 00:58:20,805 And she even said, um, 1447 00:58:22,565 --> 00:58:23,725 I am mortified. 1448 00:58:24,005 --> 00:58:26,285 I am so embarrassed that we let this happen to us. 1449 00:58:26,485 --> 00:58:27,925 I thought we were better than this. Yeah. 1450 00:58:27,985 --> 00:58:29,245 And I was like, yeah, well, 1451 00:58:29,795 --> 00:58:34,765 - Well that, that's like, I get the email quite a bit 1452 00:58:34,795 --> 00:58:38,925 that says, you know, uh, if you don't pay us, uh, you know, 1453 00:58:39,575 --> 00:58:42,565 50 50 grand, I'm gonna leak your pictures on the 1454 00:58:42,565 --> 00:58:43,605 inter all over the internet. 1455 00:58:44,065 --> 00:58:45,845 - My favorite is when I get that email 1456 00:58:45,905 --> 00:58:47,685 to a Kayla Lord's account, I'm like, baby, 1457 00:58:47,785 --> 00:58:49,325 my pictures are already there. 1458 00:58:49,335 --> 00:58:51,045 - Right. You can't scare me with a 1459 00:58:51,075 --> 00:58:52,075 - Good - Time. 1460 00:58:52,075 --> 00:58:53,765 I'm like, go ahead. Right. Go ahead link 'em. 1461 00:58:53,965 --> 00:58:55,325 - I posted 'em already, but I'm 1462 00:58:55,325 --> 00:58:56,325 - Okay. 1463 00:58:56,325 --> 00:58:57,285 Right. I mean, you know, post 'em somewhere. 1464 00:58:57,645 --> 00:58:59,725 I didn't think about, maybe I'll get some new traction 1465 00:58:59,995 --> 00:59:01,125 here. . Right. 1466 00:59:01,125 --> 00:59:03,365 - We're always looking for new audience numbers. Right. 1467 00:59:04,115 --> 00:59:07,325 Yeah. I mean, I think what helps is I have had 1468 00:59:08,435 --> 00:59:11,125 fake name accounts, like my, you know, 1469 00:59:11,225 --> 00:59:12,245 public name or whatever. 1470 00:59:12,305 --> 00:59:13,965 Not my legal name. Technically. 1471 00:59:13,965 --> 00:59:15,885 I have a DBA, so it's technically Mm-Hmm. 1472 00:59:15,925 --> 00:59:17,325 a legal name in a way. But yeah. 1473 00:59:17,345 --> 00:59:19,085 You know, I've got so many of those kinds of accounts. 1474 00:59:19,085 --> 00:59:22,445 So I get these spam things that can't, can't, 1475 00:59:22,445 --> 00:59:23,605 can't be connected to my real life. 1476 00:59:23,605 --> 00:59:25,005 They don't make any sense. Yeah. 1477 00:59:25,225 --> 00:59:27,765 Um, so that when I see them on my vanilla side 1478 00:59:27,905 --> 00:59:29,765 and my legal name side, I'm like, okay, I, 1479 00:59:29,845 --> 00:59:31,245 I know I recognize that for what it's, 1480 00:59:31,465 --> 00:59:33,045 but as I explain to my mother, I'm like, 1481 00:59:33,045 --> 00:59:34,045 basically if a person 1482 00:59:34,225 --> 00:59:35,365 or an entity does not tell you 1483 00:59:35,365 --> 00:59:37,165 that they're absolutely sending you an email 1484 00:59:37,185 --> 00:59:39,405 or a text message, don't trust anything . 1485 00:59:39,475 --> 00:59:41,685 Just don't, don't trust anything. Mm-Hmm. . 1486 00:59:42,145 --> 00:59:43,725 And she normally is very good about that. 1487 00:59:43,905 --> 00:59:46,405 She, you know, follows a lot of the same things I do. 1488 00:59:46,415 --> 00:59:49,285 She's like, if I get a random message that says my package, 1489 00:59:50,265 --> 00:59:52,245 you know, is stuck at the warehouse, click this link. 1490 00:59:52,255 --> 00:59:54,125 She's like, I go check where I placed an order 1491 00:59:54,125 --> 00:59:55,325 to see if I even have a package. 1492 00:59:55,655 --> 00:59:56,965 She's like, I don't click the links. 1493 00:59:56,985 --> 00:59:59,165 I'm like, okay, you're, you're doing, it was the, 1494 00:59:59,225 --> 01:00:01,085 the blaring noise that panicked them. 1495 01:00:01,185 --> 01:00:02,805 Mm-Hmm. . And yeah. 1496 01:00:02,945 --> 01:00:04,765 So it took her two days to get it all sorted, 1497 01:00:04,765 --> 01:00:05,765 but they didn't lose any money. 1498 01:00:05,905 --> 01:00:07,565 So that's what really counts. 1499 01:00:08,225 --> 01:00:12,645 But now I'm like, okay, uh, we've unlocked a new, uh, 1500 01:00:12,695 --> 01:00:14,685 adult child with older parents'. 1501 01:00:14,715 --> 01:00:16,325 Fear didn't know 1502 01:00:16,555 --> 01:00:18,485 that was gonna be on this year's bingo card. Mm 1503 01:00:18,785 --> 01:00:19,785 - Mm-Hmm. 1504 01:00:19,785 --> 01:00:20,525 . So, yeah. 1505 01:00:23,825 --> 01:00:28,365 - But yeah. So that's been going on. Mm-Hmm. . 1506 01:00:28,945 --> 01:00:33,195 Um, we 1507 01:00:33,675 --> 01:00:36,115 apparently last week's very emotional conversation 1508 01:00:36,375 --> 01:00:38,035 and then the conversations we had before and 1509 01:00:38,035 --> 01:00:39,715 after that, like what y'all see is just 1510 01:00:39,715 --> 01:00:40,755 like a part of it. We 1511 01:00:40,975 --> 01:00:42,555 - Tip of the iceberg, so to speak. We keep those things 1512 01:00:42,555 --> 01:00:43,715 - Go, uh, helped. 1513 01:00:44,185 --> 01:00:46,315 - Yeah. Uh, I, I think it did. 1514 01:00:46,795 --> 01:00:49,355 I I think it was cathartic for both of us Yes. 1515 01:00:49,355 --> 01:00:50,755 To kind of, uh, get that all out. 1516 01:00:50,935 --> 01:00:54,915 - And I also think that we each maybe thought we understood 1517 01:00:55,015 --> 01:00:57,155 how the other was feeling and seeing things, 1518 01:00:57,215 --> 01:00:59,115 but to hear it like Yeah. 1519 01:00:59,115 --> 01:01:00,515 Solidifies it. 'cause things 1520 01:01:00,515 --> 01:01:03,035 that things been kinky is all I'm saying. 1521 01:01:03,085 --> 01:01:04,755 Right. Things very kinky. Mm-Hmm. 1522 01:01:04,795 --> 01:01:05,795 in in the good way. In 1523 01:01:05,795 --> 01:01:06,795 the, the way you want 'em to be. 1524 01:01:06,795 --> 01:01:10,555 Right. I'm just, uh, We've had, I, 1525 01:01:10,575 --> 01:01:11,675 we think we've talked about this before, 1526 01:01:11,675 --> 01:01:13,555 since I started getting my hair, uh, 1527 01:01:13,555 --> 01:01:14,555 colored in vivid colors, 1528 01:01:14,555 --> 01:01:16,035 which I have not done for months now. 1529 01:01:16,035 --> 01:01:17,635 And I do not foresee it happening for months. 1530 01:01:18,175 --> 01:01:19,835 The next color will be hot pink. 1531 01:01:19,935 --> 01:01:22,835 But will we go silver blonde 1532 01:01:22,935 --> 01:01:24,235 as all the color washes out first? 1533 01:01:24,555 --> 01:01:26,435 Probably. Anyway, we've always, I've, 1534 01:01:26,465 --> 01:01:28,795 once I started coloring my hair in a vivid color, we had 1535 01:01:28,795 --> 01:01:32,435 to negotiate about how you handle my hair. 1536 01:01:32,435 --> 01:01:35,355 Right. And it is, if this is freshly washed hair, 1537 01:01:35,495 --> 01:01:36,675 it does not get to be pulled 1538 01:01:36,765 --> 01:01:38,555 until it is no longer freshly washed. 1539 01:01:38,615 --> 01:01:40,635 Mm-Hmm. . Like, it gets freshly washed right 1540 01:01:40,635 --> 01:01:42,915 before I've gotta go to meet with people or 1541 01:01:42,915 --> 01:01:45,035 before I gotta get on camera tonight. 1542 01:01:45,035 --> 01:01:47,595 Like this morning hair was washed. Don't touch it tonight. 1543 01:01:47,595 --> 01:01:49,315 If you wanna touch my hair, it's fine. . 1544 01:01:49,325 --> 01:01:50,915 It'll be a couple days before anybody sees me. 1545 01:01:51,155 --> 01:01:53,875 I don't think the dental hygienist will care when I go 1546 01:01:53,875 --> 01:01:54,915 get my teeth cleaned on Friday. 1547 01:01:55,695 --> 01:01:56,915 But we had to 1548 01:01:56,945 --> 01:01:59,235 because as JB called it, we've been having 1549 01:02:00,235 --> 01:02:01,915 kinky monkey sack lately. 1550 01:02:02,475 --> 01:02:06,795 . I had to, the other night I was like, okay, 1551 01:02:07,905 --> 01:02:09,875 tonight I'm not washed today, 1552 01:02:09,875 --> 01:02:12,395 tonight I have not washed my hair, but tomorrow I will. 1553 01:02:12,655 --> 01:02:16,835 So if you want to have opportunities to have a reason 1554 01:02:17,335 --> 01:02:20,685 to pull my hair tonight is a better night 1555 01:02:20,835 --> 01:02:22,085 than tomorrow will be. 1556 01:02:22,505 --> 01:02:23,525 And then JB was tired 1557 01:02:23,545 --> 01:02:25,325 and did not take the opportunity that night. 1558 01:02:25,505 --> 01:02:27,245 So then last night, which was the night I 1559 01:02:27,245 --> 01:02:28,325 was supposed to have washed my hair. 1560 01:02:28,325 --> 01:02:29,285 Mm-Hmm. , I wasn't supposed 1561 01:02:29,285 --> 01:02:30,165 to do it Wednesday morning. 1562 01:02:31,325 --> 01:02:33,005 I was like, but we didn't do 1563 01:02:33,205 --> 01:02:34,565 anything the night before . 1564 01:02:34,705 --> 01:02:37,285 And I thought we would. So then I said, oh, 1565 01:02:37,755 --> 01:02:39,405 like in passing we were gonna go run an errand. 1566 01:02:39,445 --> 01:02:40,525 I was like, just so you know, 1567 01:02:41,605 --> 01:02:44,885 I am not washing my hair tonight and I will do it tomorrow. 1568 01:02:45,705 --> 01:02:49,085 And we thankfully have the communication skills 1569 01:02:49,185 --> 01:02:50,925 of being together long enough that 1570 01:02:51,785 --> 01:02:53,405 he could pick up what I was putting down. 1571 01:02:53,945 --> 01:02:57,965 Uh, . So 1572 01:02:58,845 --> 01:02:59,845 - I did. 1573 01:03:01,355 --> 01:03:03,245 - Yeah. Yeah. So that's been good. Mm-Hmm. . 1574 01:03:03,245 --> 01:03:06,085 That's been good. Mm-Hmm. I back in the day, 1575 01:03:06,085 --> 01:03:08,365 and not really that long ago, I was the type of person 1576 01:03:08,365 --> 01:03:10,925 that if things went from kind of not great 1577 01:03:11,305 --> 01:03:15,485 or eh, to really good, like a a something switched 1578 01:03:15,485 --> 01:03:16,765 and it was, we were back to something 1579 01:03:16,765 --> 01:03:19,885 or I was back to doing something, I would get the, oh, 1580 01:03:19,895 --> 01:03:21,725 it'll be this way forever thinking which 1581 01:03:22,405 --> 01:03:23,485 - - It will not. 1582 01:03:23,865 --> 01:03:25,805 So I How long will it last? I don't know. 1583 01:03:25,985 --> 01:03:27,445 I'm gonna enjoy the fuck out of it. 1584 01:03:27,475 --> 01:03:28,765 Yeah. While it's happening. 1585 01:03:29,005 --> 01:03:32,365 - I mean, that, that's kind like my, um, 1586 01:03:34,325 --> 01:03:37,365 feelings on, on your libido peaking back out again. 1587 01:03:37,645 --> 01:03:41,125 - I know. And I don't, it's not, it's not being back on, uh, 1588 01:03:41,525 --> 01:03:44,645 hormones because I haven't been on it long enough for any of 1589 01:03:44,645 --> 01:03:45,845 that to be doing what it do. 1590 01:03:46,465 --> 01:03:48,085 Uh, I mean, I've been reading a lot 1591 01:03:48,105 --> 01:03:50,165 of smut, so much smart. 1592 01:03:50,305 --> 01:03:51,485 Not always good smut. 1593 01:03:51,715 --> 01:03:54,525 Certainly not always smut that hits my kinks, but I am 1594 01:03:54,725 --> 01:03:56,445 - A lot of it . 1595 01:03:57,045 --> 01:04:01,925 - I am in the middle of a series. It is the Irish Mafia. 1596 01:04:01,995 --> 01:04:04,245 Last time I got shit for not coming in with the, 1597 01:04:04,245 --> 01:04:06,245 the series title, um, . 1598 01:04:07,145 --> 01:04:09,965 So I'm gonna try and go get it for you. There you go. 1599 01:04:10,225 --> 01:04:15,125 Um, it's all daddy baby girl themed, which, you know, 1600 01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:18,685 unless you've just met me, you would understand why 1601 01:04:18,685 --> 01:04:20,605 that would be of interest to me. 1602 01:04:21,045 --> 01:04:24,685 , um, Boston Kings is the, the series 1603 01:04:25,245 --> 01:04:29,925 'cause they're like I Irish mob, um, in South Boston. 1604 01:04:30,745 --> 01:04:33,525 Um, I've read the first three of the five books. 1605 01:04:33,635 --> 01:04:35,805 Take me daddy, make me daddy break me. 1606 01:04:35,805 --> 01:04:37,045 Daddy Break Me Daddy was my favorite. 1607 01:04:37,405 --> 01:04:38,805 Break Me Daddy was my favorite. 1608 01:04:39,225 --> 01:04:40,965 Um, are they formulaic? Yes. 1609 01:04:41,505 --> 01:04:43,325 Um, do I wish 1610 01:04:43,325 --> 01:04:45,645 that the author would get a little bit more creative in 1611 01:04:45,655 --> 01:04:47,405 describing similar acts? 1612 01:04:47,705 --> 01:04:48,805 Yes. This is the downside 1613 01:04:48,805 --> 01:04:50,485 to reading an entire series back to back. 1614 01:04:50,865 --> 01:04:54,285 You figure out an, an author's patterns, 1615 01:04:54,475 --> 01:04:55,805 like their language patterns 1616 01:04:55,805 --> 01:04:57,405 and the formulas they use and all that. 1617 01:04:58,185 --> 01:05:01,765 But is it enough for me to go, why, why? Yes. 1618 01:05:01,785 --> 01:05:05,405 It would be great if you could pull my hair 1619 01:05:05,705 --> 01:05:08,685 and my hair is available to be pulled. 1620 01:05:10,705 --> 01:05:14,865 So Yeah. Yeah. 1621 01:05:17,065 --> 01:05:21,565 But I, uh, 1622 01:05:21,865 --> 01:05:25,285 had to, I had to be more open with one of the kids' teachers 1623 01:05:26,255 --> 01:05:30,005 about, uh, his neurodivergency in his health. 1624 01:05:30,225 --> 01:05:31,685 And now I have a text message 1625 01:05:31,695 --> 01:05:33,365 where she's asked me to call her. 1626 01:05:33,365 --> 01:05:38,005 It's like, no, I sent you the multi-paragraph long email so 1627 01:05:38,005 --> 01:05:39,805 that you could respond in email. 1628 01:05:40,025 --> 01:05:42,325 Not so we could have a fucking phone call 1629 01:05:42,995 --> 01:05:45,085 that was not on my list. 1630 01:05:45,985 --> 01:05:50,965 Um, so yeah. Yeah. So I guess I have to do that. 1631 01:05:50,965 --> 01:05:52,925 Mm-Hmm. , it's the only class 1632 01:05:52,935 --> 01:05:54,085 where he's struggling. 1633 01:05:54,445 --> 01:05:56,445 I mean, grade-wise, he is doing fine, 1634 01:05:56,505 --> 01:06:00,445 but like online class that has requirements that just 1635 01:06:02,105 --> 01:06:03,125 he would prefer not to do. 1636 01:06:03,125 --> 01:06:05,805 And quite frankly, like it's hard. 1637 01:06:05,865 --> 01:06:07,405 The, the part of me that doesn't like to deal 1638 01:06:07,405 --> 01:06:09,645 with people I don't know, and, and is looking at this online 1639 01:06:09,645 --> 01:06:11,365 class going, I would hate doing that too. 1640 01:06:12,065 --> 01:06:15,125 Is at war with the mom in me. That's like, yes, yes, yes. 1641 01:06:15,925 --> 01:06:19,845 I I but there's certain skills I've got to, to teach him 1642 01:06:19,845 --> 01:06:24,085 because he, to be a, to, you know, 1643 01:06:24,625 --> 01:06:27,165 one day possibly be an independent person, he's got to know 1644 01:06:27,165 --> 01:06:31,205 how to do this to, we just have to modify it 1645 01:06:31,205 --> 01:06:32,365 so it fits his needs. 1646 01:06:32,685 --> 01:06:34,525 . But there is still the part of me going, yeah, 1647 01:06:34,525 --> 01:06:35,805 if I could get out of it, I would too. 1648 01:06:36,045 --> 01:06:38,205 the sheer amount of things I will do 1649 01:06:38,425 --> 01:06:39,885 to avoid making a phone call. 1650 01:06:40,305 --> 01:06:42,685 Do I add 10 extra steps to try 1651 01:06:42,705 --> 01:06:45,205 to do something online , to avoid the phone call? 1652 01:06:45,235 --> 01:06:46,605 Well, yes I do. Yes. Yes I do. 1653 01:06:46,605 --> 01:06:50,005 Does uh, is that helpful or productive? No, it's not. 1654 01:06:50,905 --> 01:06:52,605 So, yeah. Yeah. 1655 01:06:52,945 --> 01:06:56,525 So the mom part of me has to win this battle of, 1656 01:06:57,865 --> 01:06:59,405 we, we've gotta, we've gotta have this 1657 01:06:59,405 --> 01:07:00,645 conversation and figure this out. 1658 01:07:00,825 --> 01:07:03,045 Mm-Hmm. . So he can do what he needs to do 1659 01:07:03,545 --> 01:07:06,165 and have to do parts of a class that he does not like. 1660 01:07:08,105 --> 01:07:10,085 But I hate it. I fucking hate it. . Yeah, 1661 01:07:10,605 --> 01:07:11,605 - I know. 1662 01:07:11,985 --> 01:07:15,165 So, yeah. So, 1663 01:07:15,745 --> 01:07:18,725 and Silent says, you know, either the books aren't long 1664 01:07:18,725 --> 01:07:20,765 or Caleb reads ridiculously fast. 1665 01:07:21,065 --> 01:07:22,805 She reads insanely fast 1666 01:07:22,835 --> 01:07:23,925 - Because it's brain candy. 1667 01:07:24,085 --> 01:07:26,445 I, here's the thing. I am taking in the story 1668 01:07:26,965 --> 01:07:28,605 as I'm reading it, I understand what's happening. 1669 01:07:28,705 --> 01:07:30,525 I'm getting the details. I'm getting the point of it. 1670 01:07:30,585 --> 01:07:32,005 I'm enjoying the story. Mm-Hmm. 1671 01:07:32,045 --> 01:07:35,805 , I, because I read, I don't read 1672 01:07:35,825 --> 01:07:37,525 and I'm not thinking while I'm reading. 1673 01:07:37,585 --> 01:07:39,085 It is literally my brain is shut off. 1674 01:07:39,115 --> 01:07:41,165 It's the only part that's functioning is recognizing the 1675 01:07:41,165 --> 01:07:43,765 words and their meaning and painting the picture in my head. 1676 01:07:44,025 --> 01:07:46,605 But the moment I'm done with that book could not tell you. 1677 01:07:46,635 --> 01:07:48,485 What, what are the characters' names? Don't remember? 1678 01:07:49,025 --> 01:07:52,445 Um, the, the Daddy series, the Boston Kings series. 1679 01:07:53,085 --> 01:07:54,565 I can, I can remember partly 1680 01:07:54,565 --> 01:07:56,525 because the same characters show up in each book. 1681 01:07:56,525 --> 01:07:57,485 They're standalones, but they, 1682 01:07:57,665 --> 01:07:58,845 so I can remember their names. 1683 01:07:59,365 --> 01:08:04,085 I can even remember like for right now, the, the 1684 01:08:04,595 --> 01:08:06,725 plot line of how they got together or why they got together. 1685 01:08:07,145 --> 01:08:08,605 Um, but by the time I finish this 1686 01:08:08,605 --> 01:08:09,685 series, I'll move on to the next. 1687 01:08:10,405 --> 01:08:12,405 I won't even recognize the cover when I look at it. 1688 01:08:12,505 --> 01:08:13,805 That's part of the reason. , 1689 01:08:14,005 --> 01:08:15,925 I use Good reads just 'cause it's all connected. 1690 01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,125 And I'm a creature of habit. 1691 01:08:17,545 --> 01:08:19,125 But I don't, like I said this a week 1692 01:08:19,125 --> 01:08:20,885 or so ago, I don't rate or review anymore. 1693 01:08:21,165 --> 01:08:23,445 'cause that put pre felt like pressure 1694 01:08:23,445 --> 01:08:25,245 and I didn't like that felt like expectations. 1695 01:08:25,325 --> 01:08:28,045 I didn't like that. I literally use it to catalog 1696 01:08:28,265 --> 01:08:29,965 so I can see what the fuck. 1697 01:08:29,995 --> 01:08:32,845 I've read . I like seeing how many books I read, 1698 01:08:33,505 --> 01:08:36,965 but I mostly need it so that at one point I can go back 1699 01:08:36,965 --> 01:08:38,445 and go, yes, I did read the book. 1700 01:08:38,445 --> 01:08:41,005 Do I know what it's about? No, I do not. No, I do not. 1701 01:08:41,535 --> 01:08:43,325 Which means I also have 1702 01:08:43,345 --> 01:08:46,685 to, I I don't have to. 1703 01:08:46,925 --> 01:08:50,245 I choose to. But it is better for me with this awful, 1704 01:08:50,255 --> 01:08:54,685 awful memory with books to if a series is complete 1705 01:08:54,985 --> 01:08:56,805 and it's available on Kindle Unlimited, 1706 01:08:56,885 --> 01:08:58,445 I just read all the fucking way through 1707 01:08:58,595 --> 01:09:02,605 because by the time I move on 1708 01:09:02,605 --> 01:09:05,245 and come back, I either won't remember the series exists 1709 01:09:05,245 --> 01:09:06,685 or I won't remember enough of the series 1710 01:09:06,865 --> 01:09:09,125 and will feel lost in the details. 1711 01:09:10,305 --> 01:09:14,125 But reading right now, reading especially like romance 1712 01:09:14,425 --> 01:09:17,085 and just pure smut and stuff like that, it's an escape. 1713 01:09:17,145 --> 01:09:18,405 It is pure escapism. 1714 01:09:19,185 --> 01:09:22,725 Um, I absolutely find myself reading 1715 01:09:22,725 --> 01:09:23,845 when I should be doing other things. 1716 01:09:23,845 --> 01:09:25,085 Especially if I get stressed. 1717 01:09:25,435 --> 01:09:27,205 It's my new way to procrastinate. 1718 01:09:27,275 --> 01:09:29,685 It's my new way to avoid uncomfortable things. 1719 01:09:30,845 --> 01:09:34,445 , it's not productive to do that . 1720 01:09:35,425 --> 01:09:36,645 And then I end up feeling guilty 1721 01:09:36,645 --> 01:09:38,525 because I'm not doing the things I should be doing. 1722 01:09:39,145 --> 01:09:41,965 Um, this is how I spent my childhood. I read like this. 1723 01:09:42,425 --> 01:09:43,765 And, um, we didn't have, 1724 01:09:44,105 --> 01:09:46,085 didn't have things like Kindle Unlimited obviously 1725 01:09:46,435 --> 01:09:47,605 also didn't have a lot of money. 1726 01:09:47,785 --> 01:09:49,485 So I would go to the library once a week 1727 01:09:49,705 --> 01:09:52,085 and whatever the max number of books I was allowed 1728 01:09:52,085 --> 01:09:53,645 to check out, that was typically what I was checking out. 1729 01:09:53,665 --> 01:09:55,605 Mm-Hmm. . Um, and I was, 1730 01:09:55,925 --> 01:09:57,165 I was reading outta the adult section 1731 01:09:57,185 --> 01:09:58,205 by the time I was eight or nine. 1732 01:09:58,665 --> 01:10:02,165 Um, and I've just like, do I psychoanalyze myself? 1733 01:10:02,165 --> 01:10:04,485 It wasn't just apparently, um, 1734 01:10:05,525 --> 01:10:08,285 I likely have had something called Hyper Alexia 1735 01:10:08,615 --> 01:10:10,285 where I read really early 1736 01:10:10,345 --> 01:10:13,845 and comprehended the written word very early, very quickly. 1737 01:10:14,585 --> 01:10:17,045 Um, was definitely a massive reader. 1738 01:10:17,555 --> 01:10:20,365 Like I enjoyed it, but also it's my escape. 1739 01:10:20,425 --> 01:10:21,845 It has always been my escape. . 1740 01:10:21,845 --> 01:10:25,365 I forgot that it was my escape while in the depths 1741 01:10:25,365 --> 01:10:28,525 of first going to college where you have to read for college 1742 01:10:28,585 --> 01:10:30,925 and that'll suck the life out of your reading. 1743 01:10:31,425 --> 01:10:34,085 Um, and then two had babies and had to raise them. 1744 01:10:34,085 --> 01:10:35,285 And I just, there was no time 1745 01:10:35,285 --> 01:10:36,845 to just fucking sit down and read. 1746 01:10:37,305 --> 01:10:41,805 And now, especially since I can just, it's in my phone. 1747 01:10:42,985 --> 01:10:45,525 Did I go to the bathroom? I'm probably read a chapter. 1748 01:10:45,895 --> 01:10:49,005 Sorry, I forgot that there was life. Am I standing in line? 1749 01:10:49,065 --> 01:10:50,805 Am I sitting in my car in line? 1750 01:10:50,875 --> 01:10:53,165 I'll just open it up and read. Are we in a waiting room? 1751 01:10:53,195 --> 01:10:56,845 Like I'm, yeah. Yeah. 1752 01:11:01,185 --> 01:11:06,085 Oh, so silence says, wait, there's a name 1753 01:11:06,085 --> 01:11:07,125 for being able to read early. 1754 01:11:07,905 --> 01:11:10,165 Yes. Yes. Hyper Alexia. 1755 01:11:10,825 --> 01:11:14,965 Um, it's got other like, defining characteristics, 1756 01:11:15,225 --> 01:11:19,005 but based on my limited understanding of the term, I think 1757 01:11:19,005 --> 01:11:22,565 that I was, I mean the, the family lore is 1758 01:11:22,565 --> 01:11:24,725 that I was reciting my ABCs 1759 01:11:24,725 --> 01:11:28,725 and spelling simple words at like age 14 to 16 months old 1760 01:11:29,145 --> 01:11:30,325 by three years old. 1761 01:11:31,045 --> 01:11:34,925 I was reading to myself a little bit like simple stuff, 1762 01:11:35,065 --> 01:11:37,645 but I could also, like an adult could be holding a newspaper 1763 01:11:37,645 --> 01:11:39,325 and I could tell you what some of that was saying. 1764 01:11:39,505 --> 01:11:40,565 And then in kindergarten, 1765 01:11:40,565 --> 01:11:44,645 because I have always been smooth suave and, 1766 01:11:45,065 --> 01:11:48,045 and just, oh, just knew how to work a crowd. 1767 01:11:48,625 --> 01:11:49,645 Um, for show and tell. 1768 01:11:49,645 --> 01:11:51,605 I was reading the book to them . 1769 01:11:51,665 --> 01:11:54,565 And that is what I did at age five. 1770 01:11:55,605 --> 01:11:58,965 I do know how to, uh, influence people and make friends. 1771 01:11:59,145 --> 01:12:02,205 Um, . Yeah. 1772 01:12:02,255 --> 01:12:04,285 First grade, my first grade teacher did not know 1773 01:12:04,285 --> 01:12:05,405 what to do with me and the reading portion. 1774 01:12:05,605 --> 01:12:07,085 'cause everybody was reading like the, the basics. 1775 01:12:07,085 --> 01:12:08,325 They were learning how to read. And I 1776 01:12:08,645 --> 01:12:09,685 was like, I don't need that. 1777 01:12:09,865 --> 01:12:13,725 And she first grade, no, no lie y'all, I exaggerate. 1778 01:12:13,725 --> 01:12:15,285 There's a lot of hyperbole when I speak. 1779 01:12:15,465 --> 01:12:17,645 I'm not exaggerating. In first grade, 1780 01:12:17,825 --> 01:12:21,205 she got me the Laura Ingles Wilder Box set of books. 1781 01:12:21,385 --> 01:12:24,965 Mm. And I tore through those, through the, I mean, I was not 1782 01:12:24,965 --> 01:12:26,445 as fast as I am as an adult. 1783 01:12:26,855 --> 01:12:28,725 There was, you know, had to slow down 1784 01:12:28,725 --> 01:12:29,965 to actually understand what I was reading. 1785 01:12:30,225 --> 01:12:32,365 Did I get the context? No. I was a fucking child. 1786 01:12:32,925 --> 01:12:34,565 . I did read those books. 1787 01:12:35,335 --> 01:12:37,805 Fifth grade I was reading Clan of the Cave Bear. 1788 01:12:38,705 --> 01:12:41,365 Uh, that is where I've also got my love of, 1789 01:12:41,365 --> 01:12:43,365 please let me read very explicit sex, 1790 01:12:43,365 --> 01:12:44,725 even if I do not understand the 1791 01:12:44,725 --> 01:12:46,325 connotations of what I'm reading. 1792 01:12:46,325 --> 01:12:48,045 Like the violence of it or the whatever. 1793 01:12:48,625 --> 01:12:51,605 Um, was hooked on those fucking books at age 13. Yeah. 1794 01:12:51,685 --> 01:12:53,165 I was reading Diana Galden 1795 01:12:53,165 --> 01:12:57,085 and the Outlander Series , uh, my 13th birthday, 1796 01:12:57,445 --> 01:12:59,285 I got whatever the newest book was in the series 1797 01:12:59,285 --> 01:13:00,445 that year in hardback. 1798 01:13:01,305 --> 01:13:04,085 My family was broke. We did not own hardback books. 1799 01:13:04,185 --> 01:13:06,285 You only got to read a hard back if you went to the library 1800 01:13:06,385 --> 01:13:07,805 and checked it out and they could give it back. 1801 01:13:08,065 --> 01:13:11,485 And my birthday present last year, that year, age 13. Hmm. 1802 01:13:11,745 --> 01:13:13,325 Do I remember what, which book in the series? 1803 01:13:13,505 --> 01:13:16,925 No, I don't, but yeah. Yeah. So, Hmm. 1804 01:13:18,325 --> 01:13:22,655 Yeah. But, hmm. Yeah. 1805 01:13:23,595 --> 01:13:26,375 So, and um, and go ahead. 1806 01:13:26,975 --> 01:13:30,735 - Rah rah. Recommended an author. I wrote the name down for 1807 01:13:30,735 --> 01:13:31,735 - You so you can Thank you. 1808 01:13:31,735 --> 01:13:32,895 'cause you know I will not. Right. I know. 1809 01:13:33,195 --> 01:13:34,735 And yeah, Kendall, I, oh God, 1810 01:13:34,735 --> 01:13:37,175 in my Instagram algorithm has got me, 1811 01:13:37,625 --> 01:13:39,415 knows me now better than it ever has 1812 01:13:39,485 --> 01:13:44,015 because every other like, recommended post 1813 01:13:44,035 --> 01:13:45,935 that's not like somebody I'm actually following 1814 01:13:46,995 --> 01:13:49,015 is a sponsored post from an author 1815 01:13:49,045 --> 01:13:52,415 with a book on Kindle Unlimited to the point 1816 01:13:52,415 --> 01:13:54,455 that I was coming across somebody that sounded good. 1817 01:13:54,595 --> 01:13:56,015 And I, I have my own little method 1818 01:13:56,015 --> 01:13:57,335 for, is this a book I wanna read? 1819 01:13:57,535 --> 01:13:59,255 'cause you literally cannot read every book ever written. 1820 01:13:59,355 --> 01:14:03,175 So you gotta like, read 'em out somehow that I filled up 1821 01:14:03,195 --> 01:14:06,375 how much I currently had that I was allowed 1822 01:14:06,375 --> 01:14:07,655 to borrow from Kindle Unlimited. 1823 01:14:07,655 --> 01:14:09,535 And it was like, in order to be able to read this, 1824 01:14:09,555 --> 01:14:10,575 you have to give some back. 1825 01:14:10,575 --> 01:14:12,210 Which of these these books would you like to give back? 1826 01:14:12,585 --> 01:14:14,685 And I'm now at a point where I have no more books 1827 01:14:14,795 --> 01:14:16,525 that I can give back . 1828 01:14:17,345 --> 01:14:19,725 So I can't get any more books from Kindle Unlimited 1829 01:14:19,935 --> 01:14:21,605 until I finish reading stuff. 1830 01:14:22,085 --> 01:14:22,125 - . 1831 01:14:29,635 --> 01:14:32,925 - Yeah. Yeah. 1832 01:14:32,925 --> 01:14:34,925 The whole, my understanding is Hyper Leia. 1833 01:14:35,185 --> 01:14:37,685 It tends to be tied to Neurodivergence. 1834 01:14:37,685 --> 01:14:40,885 There's like a, some high percentage of, um, kids 1835 01:14:40,885 --> 01:14:44,925 that were hyper leic as small children who end up being 1836 01:14:45,905 --> 01:14:47,845 the one I see most common is autistic, 1837 01:14:48,105 --> 01:14:50,045 but probably A DHD is in there as well. 1838 01:14:50,585 --> 01:14:54,165 Um, that was when I fi first went, oh, 1839 01:14:55,135 --> 01:14:57,405 maybe I should explore that a little bit more. 1840 01:14:57,725 --> 01:15:01,805 . I now have, uh, a stack of library books, uh, 1841 01:15:02,655 --> 01:15:04,805 about, uh, autism 1842 01:15:05,345 --> 01:15:08,205 on the side table next to where I sit on the couch. 1843 01:15:08,315 --> 01:15:11,125 Some of those are to help with the youngest so that I can, 1844 01:15:11,345 --> 01:15:14,365 you know, provide 'em the best support possible. 1845 01:15:14,385 --> 01:15:16,965 And part of it is, but also I need to understand myself. 1846 01:15:17,305 --> 01:15:19,085 And then I had to make sure when I was checking out those 1847 01:15:19,085 --> 01:15:22,165 books that I watched the year of publication 'cause Too Old 1848 01:15:22,165 --> 01:15:24,565 and you get some shitty, outdated information. 1849 01:15:25,265 --> 01:15:28,565 Um, but our library apparently does not like to have all 1850 01:15:28,565 --> 01:15:29,885 of the books from this century. 1851 01:15:30,115 --> 01:15:31,765 They only have a few. 1852 01:15:32,985 --> 01:15:36,525 So, so yeah. 1853 01:15:38,505 --> 01:15:40,325 Um, as always, 1854 01:15:40,325 --> 01:15:42,565 I've sucked up all the oxygen. Hmm. What have you got? 1855 01:15:43,025 --> 01:15:45,285 - I'm, I got you just - Here for the, um, 1856 01:15:45,435 --> 01:15:46,435 - Ride with me. 1857 01:15:46,435 --> 01:15:47,405 I'm just here for the ride. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God. 1858 01:15:47,405 --> 01:15:49,485 - Mm-Hmm. . Thank God for that. Um, 1859 01:15:50,075 --> 01:15:51,075 - Yeah. 1860 01:15:51,075 --> 01:15:52,325 I mean I've, I've not been doing a 1861 01:15:52,325 --> 01:15:53,845 whole lot other than work. 1862 01:15:53,845 --> 01:15:56,325 You've been been working. Yeah. Um, you know, yeah. 1863 01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:59,365 The, um, little talk last week is definitely 1864 01:16:00,235 --> 01:16:02,325 revitalized our Ds. Yeah. 1865 01:16:02,985 --> 01:16:04,085 - We are more mindful of it 1866 01:16:04,085 --> 01:16:05,885 and putting in more effort. Yes. Mm-Hmm. 1867 01:16:05,965 --> 01:16:07,485 - . Mm-Hmm. . Yep. Which, 1868 01:16:07,495 --> 01:16:10,365 which has been good. Mm-Hmm. . 1869 01:16:10,625 --> 01:16:12,125 - Mm-Hmm. , - You know, 1870 01:16:12,825 --> 01:16:14,925 um, other than that, yeah. 1871 01:16:15,025 --> 01:16:17,405 No, I ain't got, ain't got a whole lot 1872 01:16:17,515 --> 01:16:18,685 just, you know, just doing 1873 01:16:18,685 --> 01:16:20,285 - Our - Thing, doing, doing our thing. 1874 01:16:20,725 --> 01:16:24,005 I mean, this week was a bit of an emotional week 1875 01:16:25,075 --> 01:16:26,075 - Yeah. 1876 01:16:26,075 --> 01:16:29,645 - For me. Yeah. Um, you know, the beginning 1877 01:16:29,645 --> 01:16:31,245 of the week had something going on. 1878 01:16:31,865 --> 01:16:33,605 Mm-Hmm. and, uh, 1879 01:16:34,195 --> 01:16:37,365 - That hopefully we'll yield good things later. 1880 01:16:37,665 --> 01:16:39,405 Yes. But there will have to be drama first. 1881 01:16:39,615 --> 01:16:44,445 - Right. And uh, thing is, 1882 01:16:44,605 --> 01:16:47,485 I can actually choose to be a part of the drama 1883 01:16:47,585 --> 01:16:48,645 or not be a part of it. 1884 01:16:48,785 --> 01:16:51,725 - So did I use my tough love c clause privilege 1885 01:16:52,065 --> 01:16:53,445 to lecture the fuck out of him? 1886 01:16:53,965 --> 01:16:58,485 , this thing you're doing is going to bring drama 1887 01:16:58,625 --> 01:16:59,885 to your door from people 1888 01:16:59,945 --> 01:17:02,045 who do not deserve your time and attention. 1889 01:17:02,145 --> 01:17:03,605 Mm-Hmm. , you know, it's going 1890 01:17:03,605 --> 01:17:04,885 to bring drama to your door. 1891 01:17:04,885 --> 01:17:05,925 Oh yeah. So yeah. 1892 01:17:06,225 --> 01:17:08,525 Are you going to wait for the drama to get here? 1893 01:17:08,745 --> 01:17:11,445 Are you preemptively just gonna fucking block everybody? 1894 01:17:12,045 --> 01:17:15,285 . She said, excuse me. 1895 01:17:15,285 --> 01:17:17,045 She said sweetly and submissively. 1896 01:17:17,785 --> 01:17:19,365 Oh, it was a, it was a lecture fest. 1897 01:17:19,525 --> 01:17:21,445 I was like, you know what this does 1898 01:17:21,465 --> 01:17:23,205 to you if you don't figure out 1899 01:17:23,205 --> 01:17:25,205 how you're gonna handle it now, you were, you, 1900 01:17:25,305 --> 01:17:28,125 - It was a borderline rant. Oh. 1901 01:17:28,195 --> 01:17:30,765 - Because, because, and I, I basically said, 1902 01:17:30,965 --> 01:17:32,445 'cause it's it's ongoing stuff we've 1903 01:17:32,445 --> 01:17:33,485 been dealing with for a couple of years. 1904 01:17:33,595 --> 01:17:37,405 Yeah. And I know what it does to him mentally 1905 01:17:37,405 --> 01:17:38,645 and emotionally every time. 1906 01:17:39,185 --> 01:17:41,125 And then how that trickles down to the rest of us 1907 01:17:41,125 --> 01:17:43,045 because then he has to manage his emotions. 1908 01:17:43,045 --> 01:17:45,525 And then I'm over here trying to manage his emotions 1909 01:17:45,525 --> 01:17:46,805 for him, which no, I cannot do. 1910 01:17:46,805 --> 01:17:48,605 But that doesn doesn't stop me from trying. I know. 1911 01:17:49,225 --> 01:17:51,165 Um, and I was like, I love you. 1912 01:17:51,705 --> 01:17:53,645 You know what's going to happen. 1913 01:17:53,705 --> 01:17:55,445 You know what the fallout of this is going to be 1914 01:17:55,985 --> 01:17:59,885 if you do not figure out how to handle it now I cannot live 1915 01:17:59,885 --> 01:18:02,605 for the next year 'cause what's going on could last a year. 1916 01:18:03,325 --> 01:18:07,205 I could cannot deal with your willful 1917 01:18:08,355 --> 01:18:09,685 emotional rollercoaster. 1918 01:18:09,855 --> 01:18:11,525 Right. That you're choosing not 1919 01:18:11,525 --> 01:18:13,605 to do anything about for a year. 1920 01:18:13,625 --> 01:18:15,925 We do not have time. I said, our focus has to be on us 1921 01:18:15,925 --> 01:18:17,885 and our family and what we're trying to accomplish here. 1922 01:18:18,145 --> 01:18:19,365 Not this drama that they're gonna 1923 01:18:19,365 --> 01:18:20,485 try and bring to your doorstep. 1924 01:18:20,905 --> 01:18:24,245 So I love you, but handle your shit. Mm-Hmm. . 1925 01:18:24,245 --> 01:18:27,565 She said Submissively. So 1926 01:18:28,675 --> 01:18:29,285 - Yeah. So 1927 01:18:29,955 --> 01:18:30,955 - Yeah. 1928 01:18:30,955 --> 01:18:31,645 So you're handling your shit. 1929 01:18:31,865 --> 01:18:32,885 - Yep. I'm, 1930 01:18:32,885 --> 01:18:33,965 - And I appreciate that 1931 01:18:34,665 --> 01:18:36,485 and you're handling me and I really appreciate that. 1932 01:18:36,485 --> 01:18:37,885 - Mm-Hmm. , uh, . 1933 01:18:39,345 --> 01:18:42,525 - So, um, at the risk of having a bonus section, 1934 01:18:42,525 --> 01:18:44,325 which is longer than the actual episode, 1935 01:18:44,325 --> 01:18:45,365 which has happened before 1936 01:18:45,425 --> 01:18:46,845 Mm-Hmm. , it's not on, on. 1937 01:18:46,995 --> 01:18:49,525 - Yeah. Oh yeah. We probably should Yeah. 1938 01:18:49,625 --> 01:18:51,645 Cut it because we have something at two o'clock 1939 01:18:51,705 --> 01:18:53,165 and we need to, I know we're 1940 01:18:53,165 --> 01:18:54,685 - Being interviewed for somebody else's podcast. 1941 01:18:55,145 --> 01:18:57,245 - We need to check our, uh, all our stuff 1942 01:18:57,455 --> 01:18:58,455 - Stuff. 1943 01:18:58,455 --> 01:19:00,765 Yeah. And get our, our bathroom breaks in and Mm-Hmm. 1944 01:19:00,805 --> 01:19:01,925 . Mm-Hmm. need to go check on the 1945 01:19:01,945 --> 01:19:04,845 kid and avoid the math teacher 1946 01:19:04,865 --> 01:19:06,765 who want really wants me to call her . 1947 01:19:06,955 --> 01:19:08,525 Just email me. It's easier. Just, 1948 01:19:08,555 --> 01:19:09,555 - Yeah. 1949 01:19:09,555 --> 01:19:13,285 - Anyway, so we're gonna go, yeah. 1950 01:19:13,425 --> 01:19:15,325 Uh, we will be live streaming Friday 1951 01:19:15,325 --> 01:19:16,565 night podcast listeners. 1952 01:19:16,565 --> 01:19:18,925 That is the literal day this episode comes out. 1953 01:19:19,465 --> 01:19:21,885 Um, so we hope to see y'all there. Mm-Hmm, . 1954 01:19:22,035 --> 01:19:24,485 Okay, we're gonna go. All right. Okay. 1955 01:19:24,945 --> 01:19:25,565 - Bye. Bye.