1 00:00:11,025 --> 00:00:12,645 - You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, 2 00:00:12,755 --> 00:00:13,965 episode 3 81. 3 00:00:13,965 --> 00:00:15,485 Killer. The Lord's here with the one, the only, 4 00:00:15,785 --> 00:00:18,645 the you keep opening your eyes world wide, trying 5 00:00:18,645 --> 00:00:19,805 to convince me you're awake. 6 00:00:20,025 --> 00:00:22,405 But I know you're super tired. John Brownstone. 7 00:00:24,085 --> 00:00:25,405 - . I don't know what you're talking about, 8 00:00:25,805 --> 00:00:26,805 - . 9 00:00:26,825 --> 00:00:28,205 All because I might've like 10 00:00:28,235 --> 00:00:29,645 said, see, we're time traveling here. 11 00:00:29,705 --> 00:00:31,045 We don't record the anything 12 00:00:31,045 --> 00:00:33,205 that we do in the order in which it is released. 13 00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:37,685 And I might've said before another recording that isn't out 14 00:00:37,825 --> 00:00:41,005 yet, uh, that you look really super tired, . 15 00:00:43,305 --> 00:00:45,605 And now, every time I turn my head to look at you, 16 00:00:45,665 --> 00:00:47,765 you do your best to convince me that you're not. 17 00:00:48,345 --> 00:00:50,405 But your eyes being that wide isn't natural. 18 00:00:50,745 --> 00:00:54,165 So, , , look, that's, uh, 19 00:00:54,185 --> 00:00:55,565 that's not what we're here to talk about. 20 00:00:55,865 --> 00:00:58,165 - May maybe the coffee will kick in. I hope so. But, 21 00:00:58,165 --> 00:00:59,165 - Or we'll get you another coffee. 22 00:00:59,165 --> 00:01:01,405 Yeah. Maybe it's time for espresso. I don't know. Yeah. 23 00:01:01,665 --> 00:01:03,285 To have you clinging into the walls by the end 24 00:01:03,285 --> 00:01:04,485 of the day, but at least you'll be awake. 25 00:01:04,885 --> 00:01:07,165 . . Anyway, 26 00:01:07,725 --> 00:01:10,085 , we're back. 27 00:01:10,425 --> 00:01:11,725 JB is clearly feeling better. 28 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,605 The exhaustion is not because he's still sick. Y'all. 29 00:01:14,725 --> 00:01:17,685 I did not drag a sick person in front of a microphone. 30 00:01:17,825 --> 00:01:19,885 I'm not that much of a bitch. Okay. . 31 00:01:20,065 --> 00:01:21,525 I'm kinder than that. Or I try to be. 32 00:01:21,525 --> 00:01:24,365 Anyway, um, Joey's back. He's feeling better. 33 00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:26,085 And then now, so we're gonna take on 34 00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,405 what might be a heavy topic for us. 35 00:01:27,825 --> 00:01:29,725 We don't know. We'll find out. Yep. 36 00:01:30,065 --> 00:01:33,685 Uh, we're gonna talk about how we've been showing up in our 37 00:01:33,865 --> 00:01:37,245 DS relationship, especially when we're like super stressed 38 00:01:38,025 --> 00:01:40,445 and how that differs from how we would like 39 00:01:40,445 --> 00:01:43,405 to be showing up in our DSS relationship. 40 00:01:43,765 --> 00:01:47,485 . Yeah. So this, this could be interesting. Mm-Hmm. 41 00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:49,485 , welcome to the Loving BD SMM podcast. 42 00:01:49,795 --> 00:01:51,725 This is your first time listening. Glad to have you. 43 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,165 And yes, it's like this every week. 44 00:01:53,625 --> 00:01:55,205 If you're back for another week, welcome back. 45 00:01:55,205 --> 00:01:56,965 Loving BDSM is produced every Monday 46 00:01:56,985 --> 00:01:58,805 and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education. 47 00:01:58,805 --> 00:02:01,125 And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 48 00:02:01,475 --> 00:02:03,165 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast 49 00:02:03,265 --> 00:02:04,645 to your favorite podcast app. 50 00:02:04,905 --> 00:02:08,405 You can also follow the show on FetLife at Loving BDSM pc. 51 00:02:08,405 --> 00:02:11,165 The PC stands for podcast on Instagram 52 00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:12,605 and threads at that handle. 53 00:02:12,805 --> 00:02:16,605 I will forever fucking hate loving DSS in the number one. 54 00:02:16,605 --> 00:02:18,285 So that's at Loving DSS one, 55 00:02:18,385 --> 00:02:20,805 or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving 56 00:02:21,195 --> 00:02:22,285 bdsm, where you can watch us live. 57 00:02:22,285 --> 00:02:23,725 Stream the podcast every Wednesday. 58 00:02:24,115 --> 00:02:26,445 I'll links her in the show notes. Okay. And away 59 00:02:26,445 --> 00:02:27,445 - We go. 60 00:02:27,445 --> 00:02:29,445 - Before we get into the topic, the nature 61 00:02:29,565 --> 00:02:31,365 of having missed last week is we have 62 00:02:31,465 --> 00:02:32,925 11 million announcements. 63 00:02:33,205 --> 00:02:34,805 'cause we have a lot of stuff going on. 64 00:02:35,065 --> 00:02:37,965 And I want to go through the 11 million Okay. 65 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,165 Um, announcements. 66 00:02:39,185 --> 00:02:41,605 And this is when you're gonna walk away, isn't it? Isn't it? 67 00:02:42,105 --> 00:02:44,125 - No, I'm gonna take a - Nap. Oh, okay. Yeah, go ahead. 68 00:02:44,405 --> 00:02:45,765 . Uh, we've already, uh, 69 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,205 established I cannot be concise like . 70 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:51,445 It's not, it's not who I'm, um, just a reminder, 71 00:02:51,645 --> 00:02:52,925 'cause we did talk about this a couple weeks ago. 72 00:02:52,985 --> 00:02:55,565 All of our digital products on our Etsy shop, uh, 73 00:02:55,825 --> 00:02:57,765 are 25% off through the month of January. 74 00:02:58,105 --> 00:03:02,285 So planner sheets, habit trackers, we even have, um, 75 00:03:02,595 --> 00:03:05,205 like we call them accountability trackers for doms. 76 00:03:05,205 --> 00:03:07,445 So a dominant who wants something visual 77 00:03:07,465 --> 00:03:10,005 to help them keep up with what their submissive is doing. 78 00:03:10,265 --> 00:03:12,885 We have those, we have our workbooks, uh, 79 00:03:13,065 --> 00:03:14,285 and those are on sale 80 00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:16,685 and available throughout Etsy shop at Link in the places. 81 00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:20,525 The other thing that is new, um, we did kind of a sort 82 00:03:20,525 --> 00:03:21,925 of Valentine's Day sale. 83 00:03:21,945 --> 00:03:23,325 And when I say Valentine's Day, 84 00:03:23,765 --> 00:03:25,325 I don't mean you have to be in love. 85 00:03:25,525 --> 00:03:27,085 I mean, take advantage of the fact 86 00:03:27,085 --> 00:03:28,205 that there are sales at this time. 87 00:03:28,205 --> 00:03:30,165 You're by yourself a damn gift. . 88 00:03:30,165 --> 00:03:31,925 Anyway, , all 89 00:03:31,925 --> 00:03:36,685 of our non-digital stuff at our Etsy shop is now 20% off 90 00:03:36,685 --> 00:03:37,885 through February 4th. 91 00:03:37,905 --> 00:03:41,045 And we stopped at February 4th for the whole shipping thing. 92 00:03:41,105 --> 00:03:42,805 So that if you order something, you have, 93 00:03:43,585 --> 00:03:46,005 as assuming you're in the us, you have time for it 94 00:03:46,005 --> 00:03:48,965 to hopefully get to as long as another snow storm, 95 00:03:49,425 --> 00:03:52,565 Arctic winter thing does not take over most of the country, 96 00:03:53,265 --> 00:03:55,205 uh, that has delayed stuff. 97 00:03:55,445 --> 00:03:57,085 - , a arctic vortex, I, 98 00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,405 - Whatever they call it, whatever. 99 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,925 All I know is that Florida was once again, the armpit 100 00:04:00,925 --> 00:04:04,085 of the country as it usually is, and was the warmest, 101 00:04:04,105 --> 00:04:05,685 but warmest was subjective. 102 00:04:06,025 --> 00:04:07,565 Uh, we are at the 80 degree. 103 00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:09,965 - I saw, I saw, I saw some people joking, 104 00:04:10,315 --> 00:04:13,005 showing a weather map that, uh, 105 00:04:13,395 --> 00:04:16,485 Florida had all four seasons all at once. Yes. 106 00:04:16,595 --> 00:04:18,125 - Well, I mean, we're gonna get the seasons. 107 00:04:18,235 --> 00:04:22,525 It's usually all at once. It's in the same day. Um, so yeah. 108 00:04:22,705 --> 00:04:25,285 Uh, our Etsy shop, basically, everything's on sale 109 00:04:25,955 --> 00:04:27,045 when those sales end. 110 00:04:27,045 --> 00:04:29,125 Depends on what you're looking at, but we're on sale. 111 00:04:29,585 --> 00:04:32,925 Uh, the other thing is Kry is doing a Valentine's Day sale. 112 00:04:33,385 --> 00:04:36,485 Uh, this is the first one we've done in two or three years. 113 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,565 Mm-Hmm. , like, we don't usually do a sale in 114 00:04:38,565 --> 00:04:41,245 this part of the year, but we did this time 10% off. 115 00:04:41,245 --> 00:04:44,125 If you use the coupon code, kinky Love 24, 116 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,805 do not worry about trying to re remember that one. 117 00:04:47,075 --> 00:04:48,205 It's all, all in the places. 118 00:04:48,425 --> 00:04:50,245 Two, when you go to the site, 119 00:04:50,445 --> 00:04:53,085 I literally put a banner up at the top of the screen 120 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,885 that tells you what the coupon code is. 121 00:04:55,025 --> 00:04:56,365 Try to make it easy for folks. 122 00:04:57,265 --> 00:04:58,965 Um, but we're still in the middle of restock. 123 00:04:58,985 --> 00:05:00,525 So if there's anything that's sold out, 124 00:05:00,595 --> 00:05:02,245 just put your name on the wait list for it. 125 00:05:02,245 --> 00:05:05,925 Yeah, we, uh, introduced a new paddle on Saturday as of time 126 00:05:05,925 --> 00:05:07,165 of recording previous Saturday. 127 00:05:07,385 --> 00:05:11,405 And by the following Monday it was, it was all sold out, 128 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,685 but they're supposed to be coming back, so. 129 00:05:13,785 --> 00:05:18,605 Yep. Um, and then final announcement. I'm already tired. 130 00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:20,805 If you're tired, don't worry. Woo. You're not alone. 131 00:05:21,315 --> 00:05:23,325 Patreon membership Drive is going on. 132 00:05:23,345 --> 00:05:25,325 It is going on through February 15th. 133 00:05:25,865 --> 00:05:26,925 Um, we give, 134 00:05:27,705 --> 00:05:31,045 we offer perks throughout the year for being a member. 135 00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:34,085 We try to give as much, if not more than we receive. 136 00:05:34,505 --> 00:05:36,525 Um, so you can join at, at any level. 137 00:05:36,585 --> 00:05:38,165 $2 is the minimum per month, 138 00:05:38,465 --> 00:05:40,645 and you'll get an extra video each month. 139 00:05:40,645 --> 00:05:42,845 It's a fun one. We just recorded the January one. 140 00:05:43,105 --> 00:05:46,245 Um, you'll get a live q and a. 141 00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:47,725 We do that the first Saturday of the month. Mm-Hmm. 142 00:05:47,765 --> 00:05:49,085 . Uh, we do a behind the scenes podcast 143 00:05:49,095 --> 00:05:50,565 where we talk about what's been going 144 00:05:50,565 --> 00:05:51,685 on in our professional Mm-Hmm. 145 00:05:51,725 --> 00:05:53,365 and personal lives. Um, 146 00:05:53,785 --> 00:05:54,785 - Oh yeah. 147 00:05:54,785 --> 00:05:55,445 We have to do that too. Yeah. 148 00:05:55,445 --> 00:05:56,805 - Oh yeah. That was on my list. I was . 149 00:05:57,085 --> 00:05:59,765 I was gonna bug you about that soon. . 150 00:06:00,265 --> 00:06:01,725 And then we have our Discord server 151 00:06:02,415 --> 00:06:04,565 where we always say we have a bunch of super cool, 152 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:05,765 super nice sters there. 153 00:06:06,185 --> 00:06:09,725 Um, if you join at higher tiers, other than that $2 minimum, 154 00:06:09,785 --> 00:06:11,885 you get extra stuff like the $5 155 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,765 and up tiers, uh, get to play, do game night with us, 156 00:06:15,765 --> 00:06:17,605 which is actually this Friday day 157 00:06:17,605 --> 00:06:19,165 that this episode comes out on the podcast. 158 00:06:19,945 --> 00:06:24,525 Um, and if you do $10, $10 tier, um, 159 00:06:24,705 --> 00:06:26,405 you get access to all of our digital 160 00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:28,565 stuff that's on our Etsy shop. 161 00:06:28,565 --> 00:06:30,365 You can get that for free. You don't have to pay for it. 162 00:06:30,705 --> 00:06:33,285 Um, and I'm putting out new things every month this year. 163 00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:35,285 That's my goal. Very excited. 164 00:06:35,785 --> 00:06:39,365 Um, and then why the membership drive? Why now? 165 00:06:39,385 --> 00:06:43,685 Why does it matter? If you join as an annual member, 166 00:06:43,685 --> 00:06:44,765 that means you pay up front 167 00:06:45,065 --> 00:06:46,485 and then you get access for the year. 168 00:06:46,785 --> 00:06:48,885 If you join by February 15th, you get two months for free. 169 00:06:48,905 --> 00:06:50,365 So you pay for 10 months of access, 170 00:06:51,025 --> 00:06:53,125 you get 12 months of access. 171 00:06:53,185 --> 00:06:55,965 The other thing is, if you are a paying member 172 00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:59,365 by February 15th, we're gonna send you goodies in the mail. 173 00:07:00,065 --> 00:07:04,965 Um, late March, early April, probably this year, um, 174 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,205 for two and $5 tiers. 175 00:07:06,205 --> 00:07:08,325 It'll be a sticker sheet of loving BDSM 176 00:07:08,325 --> 00:07:09,525 and other kinky stickers. 177 00:07:10,145 --> 00:07:14,165 Um, and then for the $10 and up folks, it will be, go ahead. 178 00:07:14,555 --> 00:07:18,445 Fuck with me when I say it. an enamel Pen. Pen. 179 00:07:18,715 --> 00:07:21,685 It's pen. It's a pen. It's a pen. Y'all know what I mean? 180 00:07:21,765 --> 00:07:23,645 I say the word enamel so y'all know what I mean. 181 00:07:24,605 --> 00:07:28,205 I get shit every fucking year for this. Every year. 182 00:07:28,305 --> 00:07:31,245 Anyway, that's gonna be in a design that used 183 00:07:31,245 --> 00:07:33,725 to be a sticker on the Kry is now a sticker on 184 00:07:33,725 --> 00:07:34,925 loving BDS and Etsy. 185 00:07:35,115 --> 00:07:38,485 It's this pink, uh, balloon animal that's, uh, 186 00:07:39,145 --> 00:07:40,645 got rope bondage on it, , 187 00:07:41,505 --> 00:07:42,805 and it's wearing black cuffs 188 00:07:42,805 --> 00:07:45,525 and it's wearing a black, uh, uh, blindfold. 189 00:07:45,825 --> 00:07:47,245 And I'm gonna make a pin out of that. 190 00:07:47,325 --> 00:07:48,445 I don't know if it'll get 191 00:07:48,445 --> 00:07:49,925 to be a soft enamel like it usually 192 00:07:49,925 --> 00:07:51,045 is 'cause of all the detailing. 193 00:07:51,045 --> 00:07:52,125 I don't know if they'll be able to do that or 194 00:07:52,125 --> 00:07:53,245 if I'll have to do a different style. 195 00:07:53,985 --> 00:07:58,845 But yes, that's gonna be the pin this year. Pin, pin. 196 00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:00,165 I can't say it any other way. 197 00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:03,165 Anyway, that was a lot of fucking announcements. 198 00:08:03,425 --> 00:08:05,285 Or is anybody else tired and bored yet? 199 00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,005 Uh, for anybody who's like, I will 200 00:08:07,005 --> 00:08:08,245 never remember all of this shit. 201 00:08:08,245 --> 00:08:09,245 You're right. It's okay. 202 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,365 Links are in the places for everything, y'all. 203 00:08:13,085 --> 00:08:17,685 I try to make the links very, 204 00:08:17,985 --> 00:08:20,405 um, easy to find. 205 00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:25,725 So, um, let's get into this topic. 206 00:08:26,385 --> 00:08:29,645 Um, lots of caveats 207 00:08:29,645 --> 00:08:31,965 and stuff at the beginning. 208 00:08:32,065 --> 00:08:34,205 So first of all, we are the, 209 00:08:34,275 --> 00:08:36,125 what brought this up is the stress 210 00:08:36,275 --> 00:08:39,365 that we're experiencing in our lives right now. 211 00:08:39,705 --> 00:08:42,685 Um, we have talked about, you know, dealing 212 00:08:42,685 --> 00:08:45,125 with your power exchange while you're handling stress, how 213 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,685 that can affect it, mindset shifts, all kinds of stuff. 214 00:08:47,685 --> 00:08:51,685 We've got all kinds of, of, um, episodes like 215 00:08:51,685 --> 00:08:53,885 that in the archive for podcast listeners. 216 00:08:53,885 --> 00:08:55,485 It'll be in the show notes for YouTube folks. 217 00:08:55,625 --> 00:08:58,805 Uh, I forgot to put those links. Inri box. 218 00:08:58,915 --> 00:09:00,165 I'll get them there. Don't worry. 219 00:09:00,705 --> 00:09:02,965 Um, for anybody who wants to go hear that stuff. 220 00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:07,365 And, um, we've also talked many times over the years about 221 00:09:07,365 --> 00:09:09,885 like when vanilla life gets in the way Mm-Hmm. 222 00:09:10,025 --> 00:09:12,445 You know, and how you sort of navigate that. 223 00:09:12,445 --> 00:09:13,765 We've had those conversations. 224 00:09:13,785 --> 00:09:15,605 We will have those conversations again in the future. 225 00:09:16,755 --> 00:09:20,765 This, uh, episode is brought to you by a moment 226 00:09:20,765 --> 00:09:22,325 that could have turned into an argument, 227 00:09:22,345 --> 00:09:23,685 but didn't 228 00:09:26,915 --> 00:09:28,005 because we decided 229 00:09:28,005 --> 00:09:30,605 to be reasonable rational human beings for once. 230 00:09:30,665 --> 00:09:32,725 And so it was not an argument, but it was a discussion. 231 00:09:32,835 --> 00:09:35,005 - Plus, I wasn't exactly feeling very well, wasn't 232 00:09:35,005 --> 00:09:38,005 - I I know it was right, right before you got super sick. 233 00:09:38,005 --> 00:09:39,325 Like it wasn't while he was sick, 234 00:09:39,325 --> 00:09:41,325 but it was right ahead of that . 235 00:09:41,345 --> 00:09:42,765 The other thing, this particular topic, 236 00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:44,965 when we're gonna talk about it, a a lot 237 00:09:44,965 --> 00:09:46,645 of the things we talk about are personal to us. 238 00:09:47,225 --> 00:09:51,205 Um, in this case, this is our perspective. 239 00:09:51,485 --> 00:09:52,845 A couple things to note. One, 240 00:09:53,395 --> 00:09:56,645 it's okay if you would not react the way we react 241 00:09:56,745 --> 00:09:58,445 or have the same thoughts that we have. 242 00:09:59,145 --> 00:10:02,405 The, uh, purpose of this is not to tell you 243 00:10:02,505 --> 00:10:05,165 how you are supposed to respond or think about these things, 244 00:10:05,585 --> 00:10:08,565 or to indicate in any way that, that the way we are doing it 245 00:10:08,565 --> 00:10:10,525 or handling it as somehow superior Mm-Hmm. 246 00:10:10,865 --> 00:10:12,125 It is to get you to think about 247 00:10:12,185 --> 00:10:15,685 how you would handle it if you are currently in, 248 00:10:15,705 --> 00:10:18,485 or imagine that you could possibly one day be in 249 00:10:18,525 --> 00:10:19,645 a similar situation. 250 00:10:19,905 --> 00:10:22,485 And to, if you can have those conversations now, whether 251 00:10:22,485 --> 00:10:25,485 that's with yourself or with a partner, to just sort 252 00:10:25,485 --> 00:10:29,085 of be aware that what we're going 253 00:10:29,085 --> 00:10:32,125 through is in no way unique , 254 00:10:32,505 --> 00:10:34,085 to any flavor of relationship. 255 00:10:34,145 --> 00:10:37,685 But the, the way we are thinking about it is personal to us. 256 00:10:38,465 --> 00:10:40,485 Um, I don't know if this will be a long one. 257 00:10:40,525 --> 00:10:41,765 I don't know if this will be a deep one. 258 00:10:41,765 --> 00:10:43,605 I don't know if there's a lot to say or not a lot to say. 259 00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:46,045 We'll find out. But as I've, 260 00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:48,245 I've said many times already in this one episode, 261 00:10:48,505 --> 00:10:49,685 I'm not known for being concise. 262 00:10:50,385 --> 00:10:53,605 Um, so , all of that. 263 00:10:54,035 --> 00:10:57,245 - That being said, - All of that being said, um, 264 00:10:59,095 --> 00:11:01,485 let's talk about where, where this came from. 265 00:11:01,905 --> 00:11:06,045 So this topic idea came from a conversation we had 266 00:11:07,095 --> 00:11:08,805 where JB had started. 267 00:11:09,485 --> 00:11:11,525 I think it was not this past time that you got sick, 268 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:13,245 but you had like a little cold a 269 00:11:13,245 --> 00:11:14,325 couple weeks before you like 270 00:11:14,585 --> 00:11:16,365 - No, it was this past time. Was it this time? Oh, 271 00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:17,385 - Yes. 272 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,725 I don't know about time and how all that works anyway. Yeah. 273 00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:19,925 No, you don't. You weren't sick, 274 00:11:19,925 --> 00:11:21,125 sick where you weren't working. 275 00:11:21,545 --> 00:11:24,365 You were just taking some cold medicine or whatever. Right. 276 00:11:25,225 --> 00:11:27,845 And I, I always feel like I have 277 00:11:27,845 --> 00:11:30,685 to like ride j b's ass when he's sick 278 00:11:30,685 --> 00:11:32,405 because he'll forget to take his medicine 279 00:11:32,505 --> 00:11:34,285 or he'll try to work too hard or whatever. 280 00:11:34,545 --> 00:11:35,685 And he wasn't at the point 281 00:11:35,685 --> 00:11:38,045 where he was like living in his bathrobe on the couch. 282 00:11:38,545 --> 00:11:40,205 He was still trying to function through the day. 283 00:11:41,465 --> 00:11:44,285 And he's telling me he had taken his medicine. 284 00:11:44,585 --> 00:11:49,445 And I'm trying to be the service submissive who's like, Hey, 285 00:11:50,305 --> 00:11:52,365 you, you know, make sure you set an alarm. 286 00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:55,005 So, because don't make me set the alarm. 287 00:11:55,205 --> 00:11:56,285 'cause then I'm running across 288 00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:58,205 kingdom come to come, let you know. 289 00:11:58,205 --> 00:12:00,685 But if you set the alarm, then you'll go, okay, it's time 290 00:12:00,685 --> 00:12:01,685 for me to take my medicine. 291 00:12:01,685 --> 00:12:05,365 Mm-Hmm. . So what I, I don't know if I wanted 292 00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:07,325 to say it gently 293 00:12:07,385 --> 00:12:09,565 and I just didn't, I don't know if I just, 294 00:12:09,785 --> 00:12:12,765 it never even occurred to me to be super, like, 295 00:12:12,975 --> 00:12:14,565 submissive and polite about it. 296 00:12:14,865 --> 00:12:18,565 It came out, it, 297 00:12:20,065 --> 00:12:21,525 the snark was strong. 298 00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,005 Yes. Very strong. 299 00:12:23,095 --> 00:12:27,285 There was nothing submissive in the way I said it, . 300 00:12:27,845 --> 00:12:29,165 Although my intention was 301 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,565 to do the whole take care of my daddy thing. 302 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:34,885 - Was that one of those things that it sounded one way 303 00:12:34,885 --> 00:12:36,245 here? No. And another when it 304 00:12:36,385 --> 00:12:39,525 - No, it's, it sounded like I meant for it to sound okay. 305 00:12:39,595 --> 00:12:41,605 It's just that I didn't think about trying 306 00:12:41,605 --> 00:12:43,205 to sound submissive. 307 00:12:43,205 --> 00:12:44,525 Mm-Hmm. . Like that wasn't, that was, 308 00:12:44,605 --> 00:12:49,205 I was trying to do a thing that for me relates to my service 309 00:12:49,665 --> 00:12:51,525 and to take care of you and to try 310 00:12:51,525 --> 00:12:52,965 and keep you well and on track. 311 00:12:53,585 --> 00:12:57,045 But there was the disconnect between the wanting 312 00:12:57,145 --> 00:13:01,085 to do the thing with the expressing of the thing . 313 00:13:01,425 --> 00:13:03,125 So I don't even remember exactly what I said 314 00:13:03,125 --> 00:13:04,485 or how I, I know how I said it. 315 00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:06,005 I said it like, y'all can imagine 316 00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,885 how y'all have heard me speak before. 317 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,605 And JB says, you know, 318 00:13:10,745 --> 00:13:13,365 or you could just say, Hey daddy, you know, 319 00:13:13,365 --> 00:13:16,525 it might be a good idea if you say your alarm . 320 00:13:17,025 --> 00:13:20,165 So that remember I said, oh, 321 00:13:20,905 --> 00:13:23,605 you want a softer version of me. 322 00:13:24,005 --> 00:13:26,325 , I mean, fair. 323 00:13:27,355 --> 00:13:30,165 However, and this was a high stress day. 324 00:13:30,205 --> 00:13:31,165 I mean, they've, lately they've 325 00:13:31,165 --> 00:13:31,925 all been kind of high stressed. 326 00:13:31,925 --> 00:13:34,325 Yeah. Are we at the level of getting hit 327 00:13:34,325 --> 00:13:35,525 by a literal fucking car 328 00:13:35,665 --> 00:13:38,565 and being like, you know, flung across the highway? 329 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:42,045 No. Are we at the level of stress of illness 330 00:13:42,105 --> 00:13:43,245 and death of a loved one? 331 00:13:43,425 --> 00:13:46,005 No. No. But we are at a stressful point, 332 00:13:46,405 --> 00:13:47,445 a different kind of stress. 333 00:13:48,225 --> 00:13:50,005 And it's just, it's been riding high. 334 00:13:50,225 --> 00:13:52,405 And I, in that moment, 335 00:13:52,525 --> 00:13:54,885 I got really introspective in a way I don't think you 336 00:13:55,205 --> 00:13:59,245 expected, because I said, you are asking me 337 00:14:00,265 --> 00:14:02,805 to be a type of submissive that I desperately want 338 00:14:03,065 --> 00:14:05,485 to be and I cannot be. 339 00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:08,165 And I , I said, it's 340 00:14:08,165 --> 00:14:09,285 - Not in the DNA is it? 341 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:12,245 - It's in, it's the desire. Is there ? 342 00:14:12,245 --> 00:14:13,645 This is where this conversation comes from. 343 00:14:14,165 --> 00:14:18,005 'cause I said, I want to be softer. I want to be gentler. 344 00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:22,165 I want to be, meek is not the right word, 345 00:14:22,505 --> 00:14:24,605 but sort of demure and, and, 346 00:14:25,025 --> 00:14:28,485 and just the a person who suggests 347 00:14:28,505 --> 00:14:31,845 and doesn't tell, especially to the person who's her big D. 348 00:14:31,845 --> 00:14:35,885 Right? Like, there's this sort of way that I would like to 349 00:14:36,755 --> 00:14:38,765 show up and be a submissive 350 00:14:39,105 --> 00:14:42,085 and express myself when it's a submissive thing. 351 00:14:42,145 --> 00:14:43,325 Not of the baby girl stuff. 352 00:14:43,345 --> 00:14:45,605 Not when we're joking around, but like, I'm trying 353 00:14:45,605 --> 00:14:48,645 to actively help my dom do a thing, 354 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,565 have a better outcome service in some way. 355 00:14:51,565 --> 00:14:55,005 Right. I said I wanna be softer, 356 00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:57,805 but I cannot right now. 357 00:14:58,205 --> 00:15:01,005 I don't have it in me. 358 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:05,485 I don't know how to be that person right now. 359 00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:10,085 Because to be that softer submissive, 360 00:15:10,305 --> 00:15:12,285 and the soft is the only way I know how to describe it, 361 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:16,645 somebody else might describe it differently, means that I, 362 00:15:17,065 --> 00:15:21,205 it, for me, it kind of means I have the luxury of like, 363 00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:22,485 turning off my brain. 364 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:26,005 I just have to respond. I just have to do the things. 365 00:15:26,285 --> 00:15:30,285 I don't have to be thinking about 10 other things 366 00:15:30,385 --> 00:15:32,525 and juggling 11 other responsibilities 367 00:15:32,745 --> 00:15:36,245 and navigating 85 other people's experience of a thing. 368 00:15:36,565 --> 00:15:40,885 . I get to just exist in the moment. Mm-Hmm. 369 00:15:40,925 --> 00:15:42,885 . And allow myself to be led. 370 00:15:43,425 --> 00:15:47,645 And I said, we're not there right now. . . 371 00:15:48,575 --> 00:15:51,245 Which then I kind of wandered off both mentally 372 00:15:51,245 --> 00:15:54,125 and physically and was thinking about, I got kind of sad 373 00:15:54,405 --> 00:15:56,805 'cause I was like, I I do wanna be that person. 374 00:15:56,805 --> 00:15:58,845 Mm-Hmm. most of the time. I mean, the snark 375 00:15:58,845 --> 00:15:59,885 and sass are fun for us. 376 00:16:00,155 --> 00:16:01,805 Yeah. And if that shut off completely, 377 00:16:02,065 --> 00:16:04,285 you would probably try and get me into a doctor. 378 00:16:04,605 --> 00:16:06,325 'cause what is wrong? Why is, why is 379 00:16:06,325 --> 00:16:07,405 - She not? What's going on with you? 380 00:16:07,585 --> 00:16:08,685 - Why are you not doing what you do? 381 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:12,725 But this was a time where I, there was, you know how I joke, 382 00:16:12,915 --> 00:16:15,285 I'll like kind of say something sort of strong at you 383 00:16:15,285 --> 00:16:16,645 and then go, she said submissively. 384 00:16:16,645 --> 00:16:18,485 Mm-Hmm. . It was one of those times. 385 00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:24,045 So yeah, that's the whole how we're showing up versus 386 00:16:24,665 --> 00:16:26,525 how we wanna be showing up. 387 00:16:27,005 --> 00:16:28,005 - . Mm-Hmm. 388 00:16:28,305 --> 00:16:30,205 - The other thing, when we were having that conversation, 389 00:16:30,605 --> 00:16:33,445 I said, you can't even handle me being 390 00:16:33,475 --> 00:16:34,565 soft like that right now. 391 00:16:34,745 --> 00:16:36,245 And just waiting to be led 392 00:16:36,665 --> 00:16:39,285 and even giving you gentle nudges so that I said, you don't, 393 00:16:39,425 --> 00:16:42,285 you are not currently, I don't know if he's there today. 394 00:16:42,285 --> 00:16:44,085 This is what the conversation's about at that moment, 395 00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:47,685 your dominance was not there to just take the lead. 396 00:16:48,345 --> 00:16:50,005 - It - Wasn't take me by the hand 397 00:16:50,145 --> 00:16:51,725 and you know, I'll follow along 398 00:16:51,725 --> 00:16:53,285 behind you like a little duckling or whatever. 399 00:16:53,315 --> 00:16:55,165 Like . And I don't know 400 00:16:55,595 --> 00:16:57,245 that this is the part where you come in. 401 00:16:57,285 --> 00:17:02,205 I don't know if that's the type of dominance you wish you 402 00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:05,045 could have right now and are missing it. 403 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:09,485 Or if that's just we're in a different era of life or what 404 00:17:10,605 --> 00:17:13,205 - I, I think part of it, especially that, 405 00:17:13,525 --> 00:17:15,925 'cause I, I was on coming to the point 406 00:17:15,925 --> 00:17:17,365 that I was not feeling well. 407 00:17:17,865 --> 00:17:19,245 Mm-Hmm. . All right. 408 00:17:19,945 --> 00:17:24,605 And, uh, I, I believe I could say my thing was 409 00:17:27,205 --> 00:17:29,045 I don't have the bandwidth for the snark. 410 00:17:29,785 --> 00:17:31,405 - Oh yeah. In that moment. You definitely didn't. 411 00:17:31,565 --> 00:17:33,885 'cause normally you wouldn't even comment on the snark. 412 00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:35,965 Right. If you had bandwidth for the snark. Yeah. 413 00:17:36,275 --> 00:17:38,845 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It just rolls off your back. Mm-Hmm. 414 00:17:38,885 --> 00:17:39,925 it annoys the shit 415 00:17:39,945 --> 00:17:41,005 out of people on the internet. 416 00:17:41,405 --> 00:17:42,845 . But you're fine with it and 417 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,285 you're the only one that matters. 418 00:17:44,465 --> 00:17:45,965 So that works. That works. 419 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,445 - Because I give as good as I get. 420 00:17:48,105 --> 00:17:49,685 - Yes. Until I'm nearly in tears. Right. 421 00:17:49,705 --> 00:17:51,805 I'm like, no, daddy, be nice to me. . 422 00:17:52,145 --> 00:17:55,325 Oh, I can dish it. I cannot take it. It's, it's fine. 423 00:17:55,545 --> 00:18:00,085 - That's true. That's true. So, you know. Yeah. 424 00:18:00,225 --> 00:18:03,565 No, normally I'm, I'm good with the snark. Mm-Hmm. 425 00:18:03,605 --> 00:18:04,605 , you know, 426 00:18:04,665 --> 00:18:08,605 and there, if you push that line, 427 00:18:09,785 --> 00:18:13,245 you know, I'm baby girl going a bit too far there. 428 00:18:13,315 --> 00:18:14,485 Sure. You know, 429 00:18:15,145 --> 00:18:19,285 and, uh, at, at this, at, at that point, it, yeah, 430 00:18:19,285 --> 00:18:20,885 it caught me a little off surprise. 431 00:18:21,025 --> 00:18:24,965 Off guard. Guard. Mm-Hmm. . But, uh, and 432 00:18:24,965 --> 00:18:27,365 - That, you know, what we had been, 433 00:18:27,685 --> 00:18:30,445 I had probably been talking to you that way for, 434 00:18:30,565 --> 00:18:32,125 I don't even know how long, certainly like 435 00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:33,485 longer than a couple days. 436 00:18:33,515 --> 00:18:35,245 Like Mm-Hmm. , I don't know the past three 437 00:18:35,245 --> 00:18:36,725 years for all I know 438 00:18:37,285 --> 00:18:41,365 - - To the point that it's just how I speak. 439 00:18:41,675 --> 00:18:45,205 Yeah. Unless I'm in a very, like, am 440 00:18:45,755 --> 00:18:48,045 intentionally like thinking about, oh, 441 00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:49,925 this is a power exchange kind of moment. 442 00:18:49,985 --> 00:18:51,965 And let's, you know, moderate your tone 443 00:18:52,105 --> 00:18:53,405 and let's be mindful of those things. 444 00:18:53,685 --> 00:18:56,085 'cause it's, what it comes back to is if I want to 445 00:18:56,785 --> 00:18:59,765 behave in a very specific way, positive or negative, 446 00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:03,525 but the way I want to be seen, it has 447 00:19:03,525 --> 00:19:04,645 to be a very intentional thing. 448 00:19:04,645 --> 00:19:05,805 I have to be thinking about it. 449 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,845 And when there's a hundred million things to think about, 450 00:19:10,225 --> 00:19:12,525 you're gonna get my sort of what rolls off 451 00:19:12,525 --> 00:19:14,565 of me naturally when I'm comfortable 452 00:19:15,225 --> 00:19:18,165 and not necessarily the side of me that is in like, 453 00:19:18,165 --> 00:19:19,285 service sub mode. 454 00:19:19,285 --> 00:19:21,845 And I guess what I'm asking for that with two 455 00:19:22,585 --> 00:19:25,845 is if you can relate to wanting, like, I would like 456 00:19:25,845 --> 00:19:27,325 to be a softer kind of sub, 457 00:19:27,325 --> 00:19:31,205 but life is just not letting me in my mind, do you want 458 00:19:31,205 --> 00:19:32,605 to be a different kind of dom than 459 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:33,685 you have been showing up for? 460 00:19:33,865 --> 00:19:35,005 And life is just not letting you, 461 00:19:35,005 --> 00:19:38,725 but also, do you wish 462 00:19:38,835 --> 00:19:41,525 that I was a softer kind of sub more often? 463 00:19:41,625 --> 00:19:42,845 Or is it just in those moments 464 00:19:42,845 --> 00:19:44,005 when you're like, I cannot handle 465 00:19:44,785 --> 00:19:46,445 - The sass right now, , . 466 00:19:47,545 --> 00:19:52,125 Um, there is sometimes it would be nice to see a side of 467 00:19:52,195 --> 00:19:53,245 that side. 468 00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:54,565 Mm-Hmm. . Okay. 469 00:19:55,385 --> 00:20:00,085 Um, I mean, for me lately, 470 00:20:00,745 --> 00:20:04,805 do I feel like, like the dom I I wanna be 471 00:20:04,945 --> 00:20:06,485 or know I could be No. 472 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:11,085 Okay. With, uh, everything that's been 473 00:20:13,105 --> 00:20:15,125 coming our way lately, you know, it's, 474 00:20:15,275 --> 00:20:16,565 it's, it's been difficult. 475 00:20:16,785 --> 00:20:19,605 It, because seems like all 476 00:20:20,355 --> 00:20:22,365 I've been doing is putting out fires. 477 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:25,085 - Yeah. And I don't even know that we're doing that. 478 00:20:25,165 --> 00:20:27,285 I feel like we're waving a blanket at a fire. , 479 00:20:27,815 --> 00:20:29,365 - We're just making smoke signals, 480 00:20:29,855 --> 00:20:30,855 - Smoke signal. 481 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:32,565 Nobody's responding to our smoke 482 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:33,625 - Signal. 483 00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:37,165 Yeah. So, you know. Yeah. 484 00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:40,005 I, you know, it, we're just smothering the fire 485 00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:42,805 and just making smoke, so 486 00:20:42,805 --> 00:20:44,765 to speak without even really putting it out. 487 00:20:45,105 --> 00:20:48,725 Mm-Hmm. But, um, yeah, I mean, that, that's how it feels. 488 00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:52,325 Because, you know, we're not 489 00:20:54,965 --> 00:20:57,525 ignoring the stuff we can't 490 00:20:58,065 --> 00:20:59,065 - Mm-Hmm. 491 00:20:59,065 --> 00:20:59,685 We can't ignore. We 492 00:20:59,685 --> 00:21:00,845 have to deal with the shit that's in front 493 00:21:00,845 --> 00:21:01,845 - Of us. 494 00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:02,925 We, we, we have to deal with the shit. Mm-Hmm. 495 00:21:02,965 --> 00:21:06,925 . But it's, it's kinda like, there's a number 496 00:21:06,985 --> 00:21:08,525 of different shits. 497 00:21:08,915 --> 00:21:09,915 - Yeah. 498 00:21:09,945 --> 00:21:11,965 - And focus on one. 499 00:21:13,025 --> 00:21:15,885 And, and you know, we're run, run, running, trying to get 500 00:21:15,885 --> 00:21:20,405 that as squared off as we can and then onto the next one. 501 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:22,325 Mm-Hmm. , you know, it's not even like being 502 00:21:22,325 --> 00:21:25,805 able to manage a couple of these things at a time. 503 00:21:25,805 --> 00:21:28,925 Mm-Hmm. It's, it's kind of gotta take it one at a time 504 00:21:29,795 --> 00:21:30,795 - Yeah. 505 00:21:30,795 --> 00:21:32,005 In the moment that you can focus on the thing. Mm-Hmm. 506 00:21:32,005 --> 00:21:34,925 And sometimes what am I focusing on is the thing I have to, 507 00:21:34,925 --> 00:21:36,445 because there's a deadline, 508 00:21:36,445 --> 00:21:37,885 there's a person on the other end 509 00:21:37,885 --> 00:21:39,285 of an email, there's a, yeah. 510 00:21:39,285 --> 00:21:41,725 There's a requirement that must be fulfilled. 511 00:21:41,985 --> 00:21:44,445 So that's what gets my Right. Attention and energy. 512 00:21:44,445 --> 00:21:46,205 Attention. And you know, I know for me, 513 00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:47,605 and we've talked about this in all those 514 00:21:47,615 --> 00:21:48,765 other past episodes, Mm-Hmm. 515 00:21:48,805 --> 00:21:50,765 , when we talk about stress or vanilla life 516 00:21:50,765 --> 00:21:54,725 or mindset or whatever, um, my, 517 00:21:56,545 --> 00:22:01,065 I can default back to acts of service doing the things, 518 00:22:01,285 --> 00:22:04,905 what's in my routine, what is, what is the exp expectation 519 00:22:04,905 --> 00:22:07,225 that we set years ago. 520 00:22:07,365 --> 00:22:08,425 And it's just a thing I do 521 00:22:08,425 --> 00:22:10,145 because I can do that on autopilot. 522 00:22:10,405 --> 00:22:12,705 It just, you know, it's part of the routine. 523 00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:14,145 I know that I have to do it, 524 00:22:14,165 --> 00:22:15,225 and I can just, as long 525 00:22:15,225 --> 00:22:17,705 as nothing interrupts my routine, I I can, I got it. 526 00:22:17,705 --> 00:22:18,745 Mm-Hmm. . It's, it's what I do. 527 00:22:19,595 --> 00:22:23,385 Where I find tends to be the, the biggest challenges 528 00:22:23,725 --> 00:22:25,585 during times like this is when I cannot 529 00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:27,945 focus on power exchange. 530 00:22:28,025 --> 00:22:32,025 I cannot focus on, I am a submissive and I feel this way 531 00:22:32,025 --> 00:22:33,745 and I wanna feel this way, and I want you to feel this way. 532 00:22:33,745 --> 00:22:37,345 And, you know, I cannot be mindful in the power exchange. 533 00:22:37,485 --> 00:22:39,025 And so what that tends 534 00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:41,425 to mean is when you throw something new at me 535 00:22:41,425 --> 00:22:43,265 that you'd like me to do, you have learned, 536 00:22:43,265 --> 00:22:44,265 we've talked about this before, 537 00:22:44,645 --> 00:22:47,305 to like tread carefully and lightly. 538 00:22:47,475 --> 00:22:49,905 Right. It, we, there are times in life 539 00:22:49,905 --> 00:22:51,625 where you cannot just throw out an errand, 540 00:22:51,645 --> 00:22:52,785 Hey, go do the thing or whatever. 541 00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:54,225 - No, no, no. You know, need 542 00:22:54,225 --> 00:22:55,665 to give you time to prepare for it. 543 00:22:55,665 --> 00:22:58,025 - Right. And then, like, 544 00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:01,065 like I was saying a few minutes ago, I have, 545 00:23:01,215 --> 00:23:03,185 when I am comfortable with somebody, 546 00:23:03,185 --> 00:23:06,185 like a hundred percent comfort, a hundred percent trust, 547 00:23:06,615 --> 00:23:08,225 know that I'm a hundred percent safe. 548 00:23:08,745 --> 00:23:12,505 I have a natural way of being that will never come across 549 00:23:13,085 --> 00:23:14,545 to anybody submissive. 550 00:23:15,005 --> 00:23:16,665 Um, I have, I have thoughts. 551 00:23:17,095 --> 00:23:19,145 Look, misos have thoughts and opinions. 552 00:23:19,545 --> 00:23:21,305 , that's, it is, it's a fucking 553 00:23:21,305 --> 00:23:22,545 joke to think that we don't. 554 00:23:22,925 --> 00:23:26,145 But there is this sort of, depending on your dynamic, 555 00:23:26,335 --> 00:23:28,505 this thinking of there's a time and a place for it. 556 00:23:28,615 --> 00:23:31,225 There's certainly a method for how you express it. 557 00:23:32,005 --> 00:23:36,745 Um, there are certainly rules around tone and attitude. 558 00:23:36,755 --> 00:23:38,585 Right. And, you know, the only rule we have 559 00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:39,745 is for me to be respectful. 560 00:23:39,745 --> 00:23:43,305 And, and you abide by that rule for your yourself. Mm-Hmm. 561 00:23:43,345 --> 00:23:44,425 . But there's a point of 562 00:23:44,755 --> 00:23:47,565 where it's not quite disrespectful, 563 00:23:48,345 --> 00:23:50,325 but it's not quite 564 00:23:52,655 --> 00:23:53,845 being the best at submissive. 565 00:23:53,845 --> 00:23:55,485 You can be , 566 00:23:55,825 --> 00:23:58,925 and I, I don't tread on that line lightly. 567 00:23:59,005 --> 00:24:00,645 I jump rope with that line. Mm-Hmm. 568 00:24:00,685 --> 00:24:02,605 , um, . 569 00:24:02,805 --> 00:24:06,085 I tap dance down that line, um, cartwheels even. 570 00:24:06,465 --> 00:24:10,445 Um, but when I'm just trying to get, 571 00:24:10,505 --> 00:24:13,645 and I tend to be, the more there is going on, the faster 572 00:24:14,385 --> 00:24:16,405 I'm moving and thinking and doing. 573 00:24:17,185 --> 00:24:18,485 And so everything is rushed. 574 00:24:18,485 --> 00:24:22,765 And I don't take the time to be intentional about anything. 575 00:24:22,865 --> 00:24:26,605 It just thought enters brain and rolls off tongue. 576 00:24:26,905 --> 00:24:29,485 And I've gotten better 'cause we've been in a power exchange 577 00:24:29,485 --> 00:24:32,845 long enough now that I have like a little bit of a filter 578 00:24:32,845 --> 00:24:34,365 that's like, oh, oh, nope, nope. 579 00:24:34,615 --> 00:24:35,685 Maybe don't say it like that. 580 00:24:35,965 --> 00:24:38,845 like, I've trained myself out of some ways. Mm-Hmm. 581 00:24:38,885 --> 00:24:42,645 . But if we're just trying to get through life 582 00:24:42,665 --> 00:24:46,725 and we are not being actively mindful of, 583 00:24:46,725 --> 00:24:47,765 we are in our power exchange 584 00:24:47,765 --> 00:24:51,885 and let us approach one another as Dom sub in this, this way 585 00:24:51,885 --> 00:24:54,645 where we're like looking into one another's eyes 586 00:24:54,665 --> 00:24:57,565 and talking very carefully about our power exchange 587 00:24:57,565 --> 00:24:59,605 and like, we're not swimming in it. 588 00:24:59,605 --> 00:25:03,685 Right. I you're not gonna get that for me. 589 00:25:03,825 --> 00:25:04,885 But the thing Mm-Hmm. 590 00:25:04,925 --> 00:25:08,205 that I'm a roundabout way trying to get to 591 00:25:08,405 --> 00:25:10,445 'cause this train derailed a couple times in the middle of 592 00:25:10,445 --> 00:25:13,685 that paragraph, um, is I want to have 593 00:25:14,945 --> 00:25:19,285 the opportunity to be the kind 594 00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:23,525 of submissive that, you know, I think that you deserve that. 595 00:25:23,525 --> 00:25:24,525 I think that you Mm-Hmm. 596 00:25:24,565 --> 00:25:25,925 would like me to be 597 00:25:25,955 --> 00:25:28,205 that I used to be able to do. 598 00:25:28,305 --> 00:25:31,045 Now I've always had lots of thoughts and opinions 599 00:25:31,825 --> 00:25:33,845 and the ability to express them in some way, 600 00:25:33,845 --> 00:25:36,005 even if it's just my facial expression 601 00:25:36,005 --> 00:25:37,325 being real loud . 602 00:25:37,665 --> 00:25:40,325 Um, and I, I know you don't wanna take 603 00:25:40,355 --> 00:25:41,725 that away or cut that off. 604 00:25:41,825 --> 00:25:44,485 That's I think part of the appeal. I hope. I hope so. 605 00:25:44,885 --> 00:25:47,005 . Yeah. It's a little late now, . 606 00:25:48,265 --> 00:25:52,245 But I don't know, in these times when we're 607 00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:54,925 juggling our spinning plates, . 608 00:25:55,115 --> 00:26:00,045 Yeah. Um, I don't, I don't, I forget or I don't know how, 609 00:26:00,145 --> 00:26:01,925 or it's just, I don't feel like there's time 610 00:26:02,625 --> 00:26:03,765 to stop and be mindful. 611 00:26:03,765 --> 00:26:05,205 Everything is go, go, go. 612 00:26:05,385 --> 00:26:07,205 And my head is, you know, 613 00:26:07,555 --> 00:26:09,365 there's about eight paths in my brain 614 00:26:09,425 --> 00:26:10,725 and I'm working all of 'em 615 00:26:10,725 --> 00:26:11,885 because they all it, 616 00:26:12,205 --> 00:26:14,125 I know we say if everything's a 617 00:26:14,325 --> 00:26:15,445 priority, nothing is a priority. 618 00:26:15,445 --> 00:26:16,525 And in a way I get that. 619 00:26:16,525 --> 00:26:20,965 However, child healthcare is one lane. 620 00:26:21,345 --> 00:26:23,885 Paying the mortgage is another. Mm-Hmm. 621 00:26:23,925 --> 00:26:24,965 , uh, dealing with like, 622 00:26:24,965 --> 00:26:26,645 there are certain things that actually they are 623 00:26:26,665 --> 00:26:28,085 all a priority . 624 00:26:28,085 --> 00:26:31,045 Yeah. And you have to do them all at the same time. Mm-Hmm. 625 00:26:31,085 --> 00:26:35,685 . So that doesn't leave the, the lane 626 00:26:35,865 --> 00:26:38,485 for be your best of self. 627 00:26:38,625 --> 00:26:41,445 Be the of you want to be Mm-Hmm. 628 00:26:41,485 --> 00:26:42,965 not just the one who's 629 00:26:43,615 --> 00:26:44,765 going through the motions. 630 00:26:44,765 --> 00:26:47,045 Because I can do that with less effort 631 00:26:47,045 --> 00:26:49,085 and thought it's muscle memory at this point. 632 00:26:49,085 --> 00:26:51,165 Yeah. Does that make any 633 00:26:51,175 --> 00:26:52,175 - Sense? 634 00:26:52,175 --> 00:26:56,005 It, it does. And I think that's like the same reason, um, 635 00:26:56,865 --> 00:27:01,125 you know, when, when you let that, um, 636 00:27:02,645 --> 00:27:06,165 snarkiness come out over me taking 637 00:27:06,825 --> 00:27:11,485 the cold medicine, you know, I, 638 00:27:11,725 --> 00:27:13,445 I had to, I looked at it this way. 639 00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:16,565 One, I was not feeling good. Sure. 640 00:27:17,745 --> 00:27:21,365 Two, we know, we both know when I'm not feeling good, 641 00:27:22,445 --> 00:27:23,805 I always don't do what I 642 00:27:24,515 --> 00:27:26,525 necessarily should do for myself. That's 643 00:27:26,525 --> 00:27:28,525 - Why we have the tough love clause to begin with. Yeah. 644 00:27:29,345 --> 00:27:33,845 - So, you know, that that gives a little, um Sure. 645 00:27:33,865 --> 00:27:35,805 It gave you a little attitude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 646 00:27:35,805 --> 00:27:37,645 - In that, and I, you know, the way I said it, 647 00:27:37,685 --> 00:27:39,685 I was not purposely being disrespectful either. 648 00:27:39,685 --> 00:27:41,165 No. We were not in an argument. No. 649 00:27:41,205 --> 00:27:44,965 I was just like, I just, it was not, 650 00:27:45,245 --> 00:27:46,525 I she did not say it. 651 00:27:46,525 --> 00:27:48,645 Submissively is how that went 652 00:27:49,265 --> 00:27:50,365 is how that went. Mm-Hmm. 653 00:27:50,405 --> 00:27:51,125 - . Mm-Hmm. - . 654 00:27:51,265 --> 00:27:51,925 But that's the thing. 655 00:27:51,925 --> 00:27:53,005 So that's, that's me. 656 00:27:53,005 --> 00:27:54,605 And I think, I think in, 657 00:27:54,745 --> 00:27:56,725 in the submissive chem probably relate 658 00:27:56,725 --> 00:28:00,885 that even if it's the particulars don't match up. 659 00:28:01,345 --> 00:28:02,725 If you've got a lot going on 660 00:28:03,305 --> 00:28:06,485 and you can't, how many times can I say mindful 661 00:28:06,585 --> 00:28:07,965 and intentional in this one episode? 662 00:28:07,965 --> 00:28:09,725 Mm-Hmm. don't turn it into a drinking game. 663 00:28:09,745 --> 00:28:13,245 But if you can't be mindful and like in the moment Yeah. 664 00:28:13,545 --> 00:28:18,045 And have the, there are words, what are words? 665 00:28:19,105 --> 00:28:21,125 The, I can't think of the words, 666 00:28:21,145 --> 00:28:23,565 but to just kind of go, wait, this is 667 00:28:23,565 --> 00:28:24,685 who I want to show up as. 668 00:28:24,685 --> 00:28:25,925 This is who I want to be. Mm-Hmm. . 669 00:28:25,925 --> 00:28:28,085 And so therefore I will do that to the best of my ability. 670 00:28:28,545 --> 00:28:32,565 You know, when, when I can be that person a scene 671 00:28:33,225 --> 00:28:36,165 or you've come to me like as the big D 672 00:28:36,185 --> 00:28:38,445 and it's been very clear that that's your mindset. 673 00:28:38,665 --> 00:28:42,485 And so then that helps guide my mindset. Yes. Mm-Hmm. 674 00:28:42,525 --> 00:28:43,965 Absolutely. Like place could be 675 00:28:43,965 --> 00:28:45,645 burned to the fucking ground. 676 00:28:45,745 --> 00:28:49,605 But if you bring your dom energy, I usually respond 677 00:28:49,755 --> 00:28:51,285 with my submissive energy. 678 00:28:51,345 --> 00:28:53,045 Yes. I'm like, okay, we're in this together. 679 00:28:54,225 --> 00:28:57,525 Um, you know, I think there could be an argument to be made 680 00:28:58,065 --> 00:28:59,245 for somebody to go, okay, well 681 00:28:59,245 --> 00:29:00,845 what you need is more of that dom energy. 682 00:29:00,865 --> 00:29:02,045 And I would not disagree with that. 683 00:29:02,465 --> 00:29:06,565 But also I am an autonomous human being who wants 684 00:29:06,585 --> 00:29:09,805 to be a certain way in my relationship and in the world. 685 00:29:09,825 --> 00:29:12,925 And so therefore I do have some level of responsibility 686 00:29:13,065 --> 00:29:17,165 to do my best to try to get into 687 00:29:17,165 --> 00:29:20,125 that head space when I'm capable of it. 688 00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:22,285 Mm-Hmm. . But when we had that conversation, 689 00:29:22,525 --> 00:29:26,325 I was like, and I said it to you and granted you were sick. 690 00:29:26,325 --> 00:29:27,725 So it definitely applied then. 691 00:29:27,725 --> 00:29:29,445 But I think it applies outside of it. 692 00:29:30,585 --> 00:29:33,445 You have not been able, like I can't be the soft submissive. 693 00:29:33,485 --> 00:29:35,325 I would like to be at least some of the time. 694 00:29:35,425 --> 00:29:37,245 It would be no fun if I was always that way. 695 00:29:37,785 --> 00:29:42,365 Um, but you have not been able to bring 696 00:29:43,915 --> 00:29:47,325 certain kinds of dumb energy out of yourself. 697 00:29:47,955 --> 00:29:50,365 Correct. That either I respond to 698 00:29:50,425 --> 00:29:53,165 or that you, you get compliance one way or the other. 699 00:29:53,225 --> 00:29:55,445 Mm-Hmm. , which I find sexy. It's fine. 700 00:29:55,845 --> 00:29:58,245 . And so this is a, this isn't just a, 701 00:29:58,265 --> 00:30:00,085 I'm out here on my island all alone, 702 00:30:00,505 --> 00:30:02,005 not being my best mess of self. 703 00:30:02,205 --> 00:30:05,645 'cause life is crazy. This is a, we feed off of one another. 704 00:30:05,645 --> 00:30:08,205 This is a power exchange is an energy exchange. 705 00:30:08,545 --> 00:30:11,525 And so I'm not bringing the, you know, 706 00:30:11,525 --> 00:30:13,605 sweet little sub, uh, side. 707 00:30:13,665 --> 00:30:16,405 And you're not bringing the in control 708 00:30:17,615 --> 00:30:19,765 focus on me baby girl dom energy. 709 00:30:19,765 --> 00:30:22,285 Correct. That is not a criticism. Okay. . 710 00:30:22,505 --> 00:30:23,765 I'm not criticizing. 711 00:30:23,885 --> 00:30:25,205 'cause if I'm not bringing it, you're not bringing it. 712 00:30:25,265 --> 00:30:26,445 We know why. Mm-Hmm. , you and I know 713 00:30:26,445 --> 00:30:28,205 what our life has been like recently. 714 00:30:28,205 --> 00:30:29,965 Right. We know why we're not, for me, 715 00:30:29,995 --> 00:30:32,885 it's not about pointing fingers going, well why aren't you 716 00:30:32,885 --> 00:30:34,925 and why aren't I, it's sort of the mm-Hmm. 717 00:30:34,965 --> 00:30:36,565 the acknowledgement of it 718 00:30:36,825 --> 00:30:41,485 and the, you know, is it a, 719 00:30:41,665 --> 00:30:45,445 is it that this is a moment in time that we just have 720 00:30:45,445 --> 00:30:48,685 to like, ride the waves of the insanity Mm-Hmm. 721 00:30:48,725 --> 00:30:50,325 get through it. Hope 722 00:30:50,325 --> 00:30:52,525 that life does not send us a Mack truck. 723 00:30:52,835 --> 00:30:56,445 Yeah. And then, okay, we'll, we'll kind of find our way 724 00:30:57,675 --> 00:30:59,165 back to whatever it is we wanna do. 725 00:30:59,385 --> 00:31:03,045 Or is it more of a Okay. 726 00:31:03,155 --> 00:31:05,485 Life is, I mean, if the past four 727 00:31:05,485 --> 00:31:07,445 or five years have proven anything, life is going 728 00:31:07,445 --> 00:31:08,485 to keep throwing shit our way 729 00:31:08,485 --> 00:31:09,485 because that is what life does. 730 00:31:09,945 --> 00:31:13,645 Um, this is a very long ebb. I could use a flow. Thanks. 731 00:31:13,985 --> 00:31:17,445 Um, and so it's not about like, if we wait 732 00:31:17,585 --> 00:31:20,405 for the opportunity, we are gonna, 733 00:31:20,525 --> 00:31:22,165 I feel like we're gonna forget more and more 734 00:31:22,165 --> 00:31:24,205 - Of who have to have to make the opportunity. 735 00:31:24,295 --> 00:31:25,685 - Right. Right. Right, right, right. And 736 00:31:25,685 --> 00:31:27,205 - Then, and and yet at the same time, 737 00:31:28,395 --> 00:31:32,365 because of the plates we have been juggling 738 00:31:32,795 --> 00:31:33,925 - Yeah. The spinning plates 739 00:31:33,925 --> 00:31:35,245 - That we're juggling, um, the spinning plates 740 00:31:35,245 --> 00:31:36,405 that we're juggling right now. 741 00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:38,845 Um, you know, 742 00:31:41,945 --> 00:31:43,205 how do I, how do I say it? 743 00:31:43,505 --> 00:31:47,045 You know, when you, when you give your snark like that 744 00:31:50,225 --> 00:31:52,565 in a sense, I can't hold you accountable 745 00:31:52,565 --> 00:31:54,325 because I'm not giving as good as I. 746 00:31:54,945 --> 00:31:56,525 - And sometimes the snark of the back 747 00:31:56,525 --> 00:32:00,165 and forth s the mutual consensual snark is fun's. 748 00:32:00,165 --> 00:32:01,525 It's pallet cleansing's. 749 00:32:01,525 --> 00:32:04,325 It's like we're we love one another deeply. 750 00:32:04,805 --> 00:32:08,485 I follow where you lead, however the push 751 00:32:08,505 --> 00:32:13,445 and pull the let's tow right up to the line of, uh, wait. 752 00:32:13,445 --> 00:32:15,725 That, that might be kind of rude in another context. 753 00:32:16,025 --> 00:32:20,245 Or, you know, it almost, you know, we will, I've seen this 754 00:32:20,245 --> 00:32:22,525 with, this is outside of a power exchange context. 755 00:32:22,885 --> 00:32:23,925 'cause it's just how we relate to one another. 756 00:32:24,155 --> 00:32:27,365 I've been around like family, my mother specifically 757 00:32:27,465 --> 00:32:30,125 who does not like, I know where I get it from. 758 00:32:30,125 --> 00:32:32,525 She doesn't like what she perceives to be confrontation 759 00:32:32,905 --> 00:32:35,125 and JB and I'll be snaring it back and forth. 760 00:32:35,135 --> 00:32:37,005 We'll be like giving tit for tat 761 00:32:37,225 --> 00:32:38,725 and she'll go, whoa, whoa, whoa. 762 00:32:38,725 --> 00:32:41,565 And I'm like, no, no, no. We're having fun. Right. 763 00:32:41,615 --> 00:32:43,045 We're not, this is not an argument. 764 00:32:43,205 --> 00:32:45,045 I promise you, you'll know when it's an argument , 765 00:32:45,345 --> 00:32:46,645 we will not have it in front of you, 766 00:32:46,645 --> 00:32:47,965 but you'll know we're pissed at one another 767 00:32:47,965 --> 00:32:50,045 because we can't even make eye contact at that point. 768 00:32:50,475 --> 00:32:51,845 , we are both walking around 769 00:32:51,845 --> 00:32:52,845 with a resting bitch face. 770 00:32:52,845 --> 00:32:55,965 Mm-Hmm. . And we look past each other over one 771 00:32:55,965 --> 00:32:58,845 another or anywhere butt at each other when we're angry. 772 00:32:58,945 --> 00:33:01,125 But when we get snarky together, 773 00:33:02,635 --> 00:33:06,205 it's, it's fun. 774 00:33:06,205 --> 00:33:08,325 Sometimes it's when it's mutual. Yeah. 775 00:33:08,325 --> 00:33:09,965 When we're both enjoying it 776 00:33:09,965 --> 00:33:11,445 and nobody's feelings are getting hurt. 777 00:33:11,535 --> 00:33:12,885 Right. And nobody's, you know, 778 00:33:12,885 --> 00:33:14,045 you're not feeling like you're, 779 00:33:14,045 --> 00:33:16,765 you're do selves being like disrespected 780 00:33:16,765 --> 00:33:19,645 or I don't feel like I'm being teased to a point Mm-Hmm. 781 00:33:19,685 --> 00:33:20,845 I can't handle or whatever. 782 00:33:21,475 --> 00:33:24,725 Like, that's a part of that is how we relate to one another 783 00:33:25,345 --> 00:33:26,365 in power exchange too. 784 00:33:26,365 --> 00:33:27,605 That is true. Like we, yeah. 785 00:33:27,885 --> 00:33:30,965 I, I don't wanna say adversarial because it's not, 786 00:33:31,705 --> 00:33:34,565 but I, I could see where there's a hint of it. 787 00:33:34,755 --> 00:33:38,365 Like we're gonna say stuff not that's mean to one another. 788 00:33:38,365 --> 00:33:40,405 Mm-Hmm. . But we're gonna push each other's 789 00:33:40,405 --> 00:33:43,085 buttons just enough Yeah. 790 00:33:43,225 --> 00:33:45,165 To where we don't hurt the other, 791 00:33:45,185 --> 00:33:47,525 but the other's like, well I'm pushing back motherfucker 792 00:33:48,085 --> 00:33:49,085 - . 793 00:33:49,085 --> 00:33:50,605 And I, and I think, and I think that's what it is. 794 00:33:50,625 --> 00:33:53,685 It, it's, it's a little bit of a back and forth Mm-Hmm. 795 00:33:53,725 --> 00:33:55,365 between us. And, 796 00:33:55,785 --> 00:33:59,385 and that's something that, you know, 797 00:34:00,485 --> 00:34:01,945 we both enjoy. Mm-Hmm. 798 00:34:01,985 --> 00:34:04,305 - . But not always, not all the time. Right. 799 00:34:04,445 --> 00:34:08,185 And it is possible to go step over the line. For sure. Yeah. 800 00:34:08,565 --> 00:34:12,785 - And, and you know, I've, I've, I've often kind of said, 801 00:34:12,785 --> 00:34:16,065 and I don't mind saying it, I know you don't like the word, 802 00:34:16,205 --> 00:34:17,985 but, you know, I 803 00:34:19,455 --> 00:34:23,945 feel like I could almost be called a bratty daddy. 804 00:34:24,365 --> 00:34:25,785 - Oh yeah. You def okay. 805 00:34:25,785 --> 00:34:28,425 You definitely, you I would classify as a bratt in 806 00:34:28,425 --> 00:34:29,425 - A heartbeat. 807 00:34:29,625 --> 00:34:31,625 I mean, I even went on fe to look 808 00:34:31,625 --> 00:34:33,345 to see if they had that classification. 809 00:34:33,345 --> 00:34:34,825 Mm-Hmm. . They didn't, the closest thing they 810 00:34:34,825 --> 00:34:38,785 had that comes close to it, which kind of works 811 00:34:38,785 --> 00:34:41,905 for me anyway, is, you know, instead of a smart ass, 812 00:34:42,345 --> 00:34:43,785 a Sam a smart ass masochist. 813 00:34:43,785 --> 00:34:45,625 Mm-Hmm. smart ass sadist. 814 00:34:45,895 --> 00:34:47,225 - Yeah. And you're that too. Yeah. 815 00:34:47,225 --> 00:34:48,945 You're definitely that too. And it's 816 00:34:49,305 --> 00:34:50,345 funny 'cause it's all subtle. 817 00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:52,505 'cause sometimes you're very just bratty without 818 00:34:52,525 --> 00:34:53,665 the sadistic side. 819 00:34:53,665 --> 00:34:55,385 Mm-Hmm. you're like contrary 820 00:34:55,385 --> 00:34:56,625 because you can be contrary. 821 00:34:56,645 --> 00:34:59,265 You tease to the point of I'm almost in tears 822 00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:01,425 and you wanna keep going. 823 00:35:01,425 --> 00:35:03,025 And it's only when I'm like actually upset. 824 00:35:03,025 --> 00:35:04,705 You're like, okay, my bad, I'll back off. Right. 825 00:35:04,705 --> 00:35:07,425 Like, you'll you'll push my buttons to see 826 00:35:08,325 --> 00:35:09,785 how far you can push me. 827 00:35:09,845 --> 00:35:11,305 Mm-Hmm. in a safe way 828 00:35:11,305 --> 00:35:13,785 where I don't feel like boundaries are crossed or anything. 829 00:35:14,125 --> 00:35:15,745 Um, but then your sadistic side, 830 00:35:15,765 --> 00:35:17,745 the smart ass sadistic side of you, 831 00:35:18,345 --> 00:35:21,825 - , - I don't know how anybody else would define it. 832 00:35:21,825 --> 00:35:23,665 I don't know if this fits your personal definition, 833 00:35:23,665 --> 00:35:27,625 but outside looking in, in my experience of your sadism Mm. 834 00:35:28,015 --> 00:35:32,265 Okay. Is that your smart ass sadist self 835 00:35:32,915 --> 00:35:34,425 knows that I can be pushed 836 00:35:35,205 --> 00:35:39,605 and that I can want to be a soft, gentle, 837 00:35:40,515 --> 00:35:41,845 willing submissive. 838 00:35:42,185 --> 00:35:44,965 But under the right circumstances, , 839 00:35:45,985 --> 00:35:47,165 the SAS will come out. 840 00:35:47,265 --> 00:35:50,925 And I sometimes feel like you use that smart ass way 841 00:35:50,925 --> 00:35:53,965 of yourself to pull SAS out. 842 00:35:54,105 --> 00:35:55,525 So then you get to go, ah, 843 00:35:55,595 --> 00:35:58,605 look at you being air quote disrespectful , 844 00:35:59,225 --> 00:36:01,445 let me give you a reminder about why 845 00:36:01,505 --> 00:36:03,405 you should not be that way. 846 00:36:03,765 --> 00:36:04,765 - . 847 00:36:05,945 --> 00:36:08,805 - And it's like, but, but you did this. 848 00:36:09,325 --> 00:36:11,925 I was just over here existing trying to be sweet. 849 00:36:12,325 --> 00:36:13,885 I mean I'm, it's not my natural 850 00:36:14,055 --> 00:36:15,405 state, but, you know, whatever. 851 00:36:16,145 --> 00:36:18,045 Uh, and you did this. 852 00:36:18,145 --> 00:36:21,605 And so then I think there is a bratty side Yes. To that. 853 00:36:21,965 --> 00:36:23,525 I think that Mm-Hmm. there's absolute overlap. 854 00:36:23,525 --> 00:36:24,725 There's a Venn diagram. There's times 855 00:36:24,725 --> 00:36:25,885 when you're just a bratty daddy. 856 00:36:25,935 --> 00:36:28,085 Right. There's times when you're just a smart ass sadist. 857 00:36:28,105 --> 00:36:29,805 And then there's times when there's the overlap. 858 00:36:31,525 --> 00:36:33,645 I mean, I think, and you know, 859 00:36:33,785 --> 00:36:37,005 if you I enjoy it. 860 00:36:37,025 --> 00:36:38,725 We, we enjoy it. It works for 861 00:36:38,725 --> 00:36:39,765 - Us. Yes, it does. 862 00:36:40,265 --> 00:36:42,405 - It does. Um, does that, 863 00:36:42,835 --> 00:36:45,245 because you sort of are identifying with those kinds 864 00:36:45,245 --> 00:36:47,645 of terms, does that mean that's 865 00:36:47,645 --> 00:36:49,965 how you're seeing your dominance 866 00:36:49,965 --> 00:36:54,125 or how you want to sort of exist in your dominance? 867 00:36:54,865 --> 00:36:59,365 Or is it just in addition to other ways of being? 868 00:36:59,965 --> 00:37:03,725 - I think just because of the nature of who I am 869 00:37:03,785 --> 00:37:06,845 and how I am, I, I am beginning to think that 870 00:37:06,845 --> 00:37:09,725 that is an integral part of who I am. 871 00:37:10,275 --> 00:37:11,485 Yeah. At this point. 872 00:37:12,715 --> 00:37:16,685 - Does that mean that you no longer 873 00:37:17,805 --> 00:37:20,645 identify with or feel the same way about, 874 00:37:22,465 --> 00:37:24,805 you've never really been strict, strict Mm-Hmm. 875 00:37:24,845 --> 00:37:27,765 . But you have this sort of sternness to you 876 00:37:27,765 --> 00:37:32,125 where you can be the daddy who is not the sweet daddy, 877 00:37:32,305 --> 00:37:34,805 who will like, bring me a diet coke. 878 00:37:34,905 --> 00:37:36,965 You can be the daddy who's like, 879 00:37:37,105 --> 00:37:38,725 you done fucked up baby girl. 880 00:37:38,895 --> 00:37:40,645 Right. , that's the daddy 881 00:37:40,645 --> 00:37:41,645 that puts you in the fucking corner 882 00:37:41,665 --> 00:37:42,525 or makes you write lines. 883 00:37:42,795 --> 00:37:44,045 That is not my favorite daddy. 884 00:37:44,145 --> 00:37:48,005 But it is just, you know, it is part of it, um, 885 00:37:49,075 --> 00:37:52,845 that, that side of you do you feel like it's not, 886 00:37:54,475 --> 00:37:56,845 it's not who you are right now and 887 00:37:56,945 --> 00:37:59,045 or anymore that you 888 00:37:59,555 --> 00:38:01,965 just don't have the bandwidth to be that person? 889 00:38:02,035 --> 00:38:04,245 Like, do you miss that side of yourself at all? 890 00:38:04,605 --> 00:38:07,285 - I do miss that side right now. I'm missing it. 891 00:38:07,285 --> 00:38:08,845 Right now's Yeah. I know you're not . 892 00:38:09,205 --> 00:38:12,405 I know you're not. I can tell you're not . 893 00:38:14,145 --> 00:38:15,725 - See the softer, gentler side 894 00:38:15,725 --> 00:38:17,285 of me doesn't need that part of you. 895 00:38:17,465 --> 00:38:19,045 - But just remember what comes around. 896 00:38:19,365 --> 00:38:20,405 I know goes around what goes 897 00:38:20,405 --> 00:38:21,485 - Around comes around. I, yeah. 898 00:38:22,195 --> 00:38:23,965 - Yeah. So, um, 899 00:38:24,945 --> 00:38:27,525 but, um, you know, no, I think that 900 00:38:27,625 --> 00:38:30,325 that's still definitely a part of who I am as well. 901 00:38:30,505 --> 00:38:33,485 Mm-Hmm. . Um, I think just 902 00:38:33,485 --> 00:38:37,045 because of circumstances, 903 00:38:39,115 --> 00:38:40,605 it's easier to default 904 00:38:43,105 --> 00:38:44,405 to this part. Mm-Hmm. 905 00:38:44,445 --> 00:38:46,365 - Do you think it's because it's I agree. 906 00:38:46,365 --> 00:38:48,125 Easier. Do you think it's because there is, 907 00:38:49,725 --> 00:38:52,685 I there's there's a, I don't know if joy is the right word, 908 00:38:52,945 --> 00:38:54,245 but we enjoy it. 909 00:38:54,265 --> 00:38:55,725 Mm-Hmm. most of the time. 910 00:38:56,505 --> 00:38:58,805 And it's its own sort of stress relief. It is. 911 00:38:58,805 --> 00:39:00,125 Because we can't go back and forth to 912 00:39:00,215 --> 00:39:02,565 until the point we are laughing our fucking asses 913 00:39:02,565 --> 00:39:03,565 - Off. 914 00:39:03,565 --> 00:39:05,245 Right. And I think that's a big, big thing of it. 915 00:39:05,385 --> 00:39:09,805 It it has become a pressure relief. Yeah. 916 00:39:10,155 --> 00:39:13,085 - Yeah. Yeah. - You know, like you got the, uh, 917 00:39:13,805 --> 00:39:16,125 pressure pot on the stove, you know, 918 00:39:16,145 --> 00:39:18,525 and it, it builds up so much 919 00:39:18,665 --> 00:39:20,445 and then it's got aji least thing to release. 920 00:39:20,445 --> 00:39:21,525 See why I'm afraid of the instant pot 921 00:39:21,705 --> 00:39:22,705 - On the stove . 922 00:39:23,325 --> 00:39:24,325 I don't, yeah. 923 00:39:24,605 --> 00:39:27,245 I don't want anything to explode at me. Is, you know, 924 00:39:27,425 --> 00:39:29,805 - And, and I think that's just 925 00:39:32,025 --> 00:39:35,845 and I, I think that's just become the default for both 926 00:39:35,845 --> 00:39:37,885 of us at this point. 927 00:39:38,585 --> 00:39:42,245 - You know, it's, I I'm trying to be the kind 928 00:39:42,245 --> 00:39:43,685 of mature adult Mm-Hmm. 929 00:39:43,725 --> 00:39:45,165 who understands that the thing you're going 930 00:39:45,165 --> 00:39:47,125 through now is not necessarily the 931 00:39:47,125 --> 00:39:48,245 thing you will go through forever. 932 00:39:48,485 --> 00:39:53,395 Because, you know, Time, 933 00:39:54,135 --> 00:39:55,595 you know, creates shifts 934 00:39:55,595 --> 00:39:57,355 and everything changes to some degree. 935 00:39:57,355 --> 00:39:58,595 Mm-Hmm. . There's some things that are 936 00:39:58,795 --> 00:40:01,195 permanent of course, but like, you know, 937 00:40:01,355 --> 00:40:02,355 a thing can be permanent, 938 00:40:02,355 --> 00:40:05,915 but how you see it, how you behave around it, like 939 00:40:05,915 --> 00:40:07,075 how you, you know, whatever. 940 00:40:07,075 --> 00:40:08,355 Mm-Hmm. . 941 00:40:08,495 --> 00:40:12,555 And so I try not, I try to un always understand 942 00:40:12,555 --> 00:40:14,435 that whatever we're going through in a moment, 943 00:40:14,535 --> 00:40:15,915 we will not always be going through it. 944 00:40:15,915 --> 00:40:18,595 Correct. Uh, things will shift and change again. 945 00:40:19,695 --> 00:40:22,915 But , we've all also now been going 946 00:40:22,915 --> 00:40:26,715 through our own personal shit for long enough with 947 00:40:26,745 --> 00:40:28,595 what doesn't feel like any relief from it. 948 00:40:28,595 --> 00:40:30,835 Like we get through the thing and then a new thing. Right. 949 00:40:30,835 --> 00:40:33,155 And like, there's not, like I'm, I'm ready to have a, 950 00:40:33,155 --> 00:40:34,595 a little bit of life where we're bored. 951 00:40:34,595 --> 00:40:36,435 Like I don't even know what I do with boredom. 952 00:40:36,855 --> 00:40:38,035 Um, but I, I'd like 953 00:40:38,035 --> 00:40:38,955 to experience it and find 954 00:40:38,955 --> 00:40:39,795 out for myself. Mm-Hmm. . 955 00:40:40,295 --> 00:40:41,755 - Um, I, I I don't remember what 956 00:40:41,755 --> 00:40:43,595 that's like anymore. . No. And 957 00:40:43,595 --> 00:40:45,595 - I don't mean like bored 'cause there's nothing to do. 958 00:40:45,855 --> 00:40:47,795 I'm thinking I think more of the board 959 00:40:47,795 --> 00:40:49,435 because there's nothing to fret 960 00:40:49,435 --> 00:40:51,115 - Over . Yeah, exactly. Stress 961 00:40:51,115 --> 00:40:53,515 - Over and go like conquer something 962 00:40:53,535 --> 00:40:54,675 so that you can keep surviving. 963 00:40:54,675 --> 00:40:58,635 Mm-Hmm. . Um, but with all that being said, 964 00:40:58,745 --> 00:41:01,115 even though I understand that things don't last forever 965 00:41:01,175 --> 00:41:02,995 and the thing you're going through right now is not the 966 00:41:02,995 --> 00:41:03,995 thing you'll always be going through. 967 00:41:04,325 --> 00:41:05,515 We've got, we've been going 968 00:41:05,515 --> 00:41:08,475 through enough stuff over the years without a break 969 00:41:08,705 --> 00:41:10,115 that there is a part of me that goes, 970 00:41:10,255 --> 00:41:11,915 is this just who we are now? 971 00:41:12,465 --> 00:41:16,995 Will we, you know, will this be the way 972 00:41:16,995 --> 00:41:20,795 that we cope through these things so long that by the time 973 00:41:22,035 --> 00:41:23,115 whatever the new version 974 00:41:23,115 --> 00:41:24,995 of calming down eventually looks like? 975 00:41:24,995 --> 00:41:26,995 Mm-Hmm. . We won't even know how 976 00:41:27,135 --> 00:41:29,835 to be the old way. 977 00:41:29,935 --> 00:41:31,275 - The old way. Um, 978 00:41:34,905 --> 00:41:37,925 no, I don't think that will happen now. 979 00:41:39,435 --> 00:41:41,765 Partially because I think a portion 980 00:41:41,825 --> 00:41:44,005 of it is like muscle memory. 981 00:41:44,225 --> 00:41:45,365 Mm mm-Hmm. . Okay. 982 00:41:45,705 --> 00:41:49,325 You know, kinda like the old, old adage of, you know, 983 00:41:49,355 --> 00:41:50,885 once you learn how to ride a bicycle, 984 00:41:51,145 --> 00:41:53,085 you always sure can ride a bicycle. 985 00:41:53,305 --> 00:41:55,885 And I think there, there is a good portion of that 986 00:41:56,505 --> 00:41:57,525 to be said in this. 987 00:41:58,225 --> 00:42:01,525 Um, will it be exactly the same as it was before? 988 00:42:02,045 --> 00:42:03,765 Probably not. No. Okay. 989 00:42:04,345 --> 00:42:07,725 Um, you know, just like anything else that, that goes like 990 00:42:07,725 --> 00:42:10,685 that it will return 991 00:42:11,385 --> 00:42:12,885 in some new fashion. 992 00:42:13,275 --> 00:42:14,925 - Sure. Sure, sure. And, you know, 993 00:42:14,925 --> 00:42:16,645 hopefully we're mindful enough at the time 994 00:42:16,645 --> 00:42:18,085 that we can enjoy Mm-Hmm. 995 00:42:18,125 --> 00:42:20,925 the discovery process of that. Right. 996 00:42:21,305 --> 00:42:23,005 Um, you know, there, excuse me. 997 00:42:23,445 --> 00:42:26,885 I think what's helping me a little bit is I can acknowledge 998 00:42:27,755 --> 00:42:30,445 that things, you know, I can't be the type 999 00:42:30,445 --> 00:42:33,605 of submissive I want to be or that I have been in the past. 1000 00:42:34,305 --> 00:42:38,325 Um, Mm-Hmm. not without like, being led there 1001 00:42:38,425 --> 00:42:40,805 and it being a, we've planned for this moment, 1002 00:42:40,805 --> 00:42:41,805 this is our time for this. 1003 00:42:41,805 --> 00:42:44,645 Like, I can't default into the softer, 1004 00:42:44,715 --> 00:42:46,565 gentler side of myself. 1005 00:42:47,305 --> 00:42:51,085 Um, like I think that sometimes I want to be, 1006 00:42:51,865 --> 00:42:56,525 but also while I miss it, and I wish I could, I think, 1007 00:42:56,525 --> 00:42:59,725 because in my mind, being able to do that 1008 00:43:00,305 --> 00:43:04,525 is an indication that I don't need the snark. 1009 00:43:04,565 --> 00:43:07,325 I don't need to be so serious. 1010 00:43:07,645 --> 00:43:10,165 I don't need to be so 1011 00:43:11,555 --> 00:43:14,485 focused on everything else that I literally have the luxury 1012 00:43:14,785 --> 00:43:17,045 to go, okay, I can, I can let that stuff go. 1013 00:43:17,145 --> 00:43:18,925 Mm-Hmm. , I can let you just take over. 1014 00:43:18,945 --> 00:43:20,725 And I am no thoughts. All vibes. 1015 00:43:20,865 --> 00:43:23,085 You know, and it's, it's gonna be fine. 1016 00:43:24,225 --> 00:43:28,085 And so I I'm very rambling today 1017 00:43:28,245 --> 00:43:29,965 'cause the train in my brain keeps derailing. 1018 00:43:30,045 --> 00:43:34,825 I apologize. Um, I'm okay 1019 00:43:34,825 --> 00:43:37,265 because I only miss it occasionally. 1020 00:43:37,285 --> 00:43:39,225 Mm-Hmm. . I don't feel like our, 1021 00:43:39,565 --> 00:43:42,825 our power exchange life is unfulfilled 1022 00:43:43,065 --> 00:43:47,465 because I can't have these parts of myself as easily 1023 00:43:47,845 --> 00:43:51,425 as I maybe could, you know, a decade ago. 1024 00:43:51,425 --> 00:43:54,785 It's mother, um, it's usually, you know, 1025 00:43:54,785 --> 00:43:56,345 when we had the initial conversation 1026 00:43:56,345 --> 00:43:59,105 that brought about this topic, it did make me sad 1027 00:43:59,135 --> 00:44:03,345 because I, in that moment I could clearly understand 1028 00:44:03,375 --> 00:44:06,145 that there are too many things going on right now. 1029 00:44:06,445 --> 00:44:07,865 Not in our kink life necessarily, 1030 00:44:07,975 --> 00:44:09,545 like in every other facet of life. 1031 00:44:10,075 --> 00:44:13,345 Where to be soft feels like a luxury. Mm-Hmm. . 1032 00:44:13,565 --> 00:44:15,825 And I don't have that luxury right now. 1033 00:44:16,565 --> 00:44:19,145 And I have enough optimism left. 1034 00:44:19,385 --> 00:44:21,385 'cause I do tend to be an optimistic person 1035 00:44:21,855 --> 00:44:23,145 that I know will get through it. 1036 00:44:23,295 --> 00:44:26,425 It's gonna be okay. I don't know what Okay. Is gonna look 1037 00:44:26,425 --> 00:44:28,265 - Like , what the other side is, what the, what, 1038 00:44:28,295 --> 00:44:30,305 what it's gonna look like on the other side. Yeah. 1039 00:44:30,305 --> 00:44:33,405 - Everything, everything in my life has been figureoutable 1040 00:44:33,405 --> 00:44:34,605 eventually like Mm-Hmm. 1041 00:44:34,645 --> 00:44:35,925 . We're gonna, we're gonna get through it. 1042 00:44:35,925 --> 00:44:37,645 We're gonna get to another side. There'll be something else. 1043 00:44:37,885 --> 00:44:39,445 'cause there always is. Yeah. But like, we'll be fine. 1044 00:44:40,065 --> 00:44:44,045 And I don't, like, I just, I 1045 00:44:44,915 --> 00:44:47,365 sometimes in those moments it catches me off guard 1046 00:44:47,425 --> 00:44:50,605 and I go, I want to be softer. 1047 00:44:50,605 --> 00:44:53,645 Mm-Hmm. , gentler, kinder, you know, meek 1048 00:44:53,645 --> 00:44:54,845 or milder, like pick a word. 1049 00:44:54,845 --> 00:44:56,165 Right. Like more submissive. 1050 00:44:56,205 --> 00:44:58,205 I want to just follow, just follow 1051 00:44:58,625 --> 00:45:01,325 and let you just figure it out for me. 1052 00:45:01,325 --> 00:45:02,645 And I get to just be there. Mm-Hmm. . 1053 00:45:02,985 --> 00:45:05,525 Um, but I don't miss it so much 1054 00:45:05,525 --> 00:45:07,645 that I feel like our life is lacking. 1055 00:45:08,475 --> 00:45:09,605 - Yeah. - Does that make sense? 1056 00:45:09,865 --> 00:45:11,925 - Yes. And, and I I I want 1057 00:45:11,925 --> 00:45:16,485 to touch back on this a little bit too, where you, you know, 1058 00:45:16,555 --> 00:45:20,285 said about going back to what was Mm-Hmm. 1059 00:45:20,325 --> 00:45:25,045 . And you know, if you can go back to what was, 1060 00:45:25,285 --> 00:45:26,965 I think that is a fabulous thing, 1061 00:45:27,945 --> 00:45:31,605 but I believe it can also become a pitfall. 1062 00:45:32,225 --> 00:45:33,365 Mm mm-Hmm. . Okay. 1063 00:45:33,365 --> 00:45:35,045 Because you're wanting to go back 1064 00:45:35,705 --> 00:45:37,125 - To the some idealized version. 1065 00:45:37,305 --> 00:45:39,165 - Um, to to to the I Yeah. 1066 00:45:39,165 --> 00:45:42,205 The idealized version of what was Mm-Hmm. . 1067 00:45:43,105 --> 00:45:48,045 And you're ruining the passing of 1068 00:45:48,045 --> 00:45:49,605 that, that it's not what it was. 1069 00:45:49,665 --> 00:45:51,805 Mm-Hmm. . That you don't look at the 1070 00:45:51,805 --> 00:45:55,885 opportunity to make it new. 1071 00:45:55,985 --> 00:45:57,205 Mm-Hmm. so to speak. 1072 00:45:57,265 --> 00:45:58,525 Mm-Hmm. . Okay. 1073 00:45:59,475 --> 00:46:01,405 - Yeah. I agree with that. And I, I, yeah. 1074 00:46:01,985 --> 00:46:03,045 And that makes sense to me. 1075 00:46:03,145 --> 00:46:05,885 And I, you know, having this conversation, I don't feel like 1076 00:46:05,885 --> 00:46:06,885 that's where I'm at. 1077 00:46:07,125 --> 00:46:09,005 I don't get a sense that that's where you're at. Mm-Hmm. 1078 00:46:09,045 --> 00:46:10,525 I feel like we do better 1079 00:46:10,625 --> 00:46:11,765 now than maybe we once did. 1080 00:46:11,765 --> 00:46:14,165 Of just existing in this moment. And Yeah. 1081 00:46:14,425 --> 00:46:16,285 Are we happy with one another? 1082 00:46:16,345 --> 00:46:19,645 Are we content in our relationship? Not gonna say life. 1083 00:46:19,715 --> 00:46:23,165 Life is, there's dumpster fires left, right and center. 1084 00:46:23,165 --> 00:46:25,205 Yeah. But are we content with one another 1085 00:46:25,265 --> 00:46:26,485 and satisfied with one another 1086 00:46:26,505 --> 00:46:27,765 and we still want to be here 1087 00:46:27,765 --> 00:46:30,165 with one another then the way we're showing up 1088 00:46:30,165 --> 00:46:31,845 as dom sub is working for us. 1089 00:46:31,865 --> 00:46:35,205 Mm-Hmm. . And, you know, I think that 1090 00:46:36,235 --> 00:46:38,645 sometimes in the midst of very stressful moments 1091 00:46:38,815 --> 00:46:41,685 where you just wish everything would calm the fuck down 1092 00:46:42,165 --> 00:46:44,365 and just could you get a fucking break? 1093 00:46:44,365 --> 00:46:48,085 Yeah. It's easy to wish for what once was. Sure. 1094 00:46:48,395 --> 00:46:50,805 Because you at least have, that's a, a memory. 1095 00:46:50,865 --> 00:46:53,165 You have tangible memories of I that's how 1096 00:46:53,425 --> 00:46:55,805 and if life felt better and simpler than right. 1097 00:46:55,805 --> 00:46:57,245 Mm-Hmm. . And you're in this moment right now 1098 00:46:57,245 --> 00:46:58,925 where nothing feels better or simple. 1099 00:46:59,425 --> 00:47:01,365 And, you know, I think nostalgia is, 1100 00:47:01,505 --> 00:47:02,805 is, you know, it's powerful. 1101 00:47:02,875 --> 00:47:07,805 Yeah. Um, I think that it helps, at least for us, you know, 1102 00:47:07,805 --> 00:47:10,525 our lines of communication are very open in the middle 1103 00:47:10,545 --> 00:47:12,725 of you kind of like pushing back on my snark. 1104 00:47:12,745 --> 00:47:15,885 We were able to have a five minute semi-serious conversation 1105 00:47:15,885 --> 00:47:18,485 about where our, you know, 1106 00:47:18,745 --> 00:47:21,005 our headspace is in our power exchange. 1107 00:47:21,005 --> 00:47:22,085 Mm-Hmm. . Um, 1108 00:47:23,305 --> 00:47:25,445 and those conversations are fairly easy to have. 1109 00:47:25,445 --> 00:47:27,765 They're not fraught. I don't, I don't like, I don't have 1110 00:47:27,765 --> 00:47:30,285 to work myself up to being able to tell you, man, 1111 00:47:30,365 --> 00:47:33,005 I wish I could feel your dominance more. 1112 00:47:33,005 --> 00:47:34,485 Right. It's more of Mm-Hmm. 1113 00:47:34,645 --> 00:47:36,485 I always come to it with all the, the understanding. 1114 00:47:36,725 --> 00:47:38,285 I was like, I wish I could feel it more, 1115 00:47:38,285 --> 00:47:40,765 but I know why I can't and don't worry. Yeah. It's just 1116 00:47:41,165 --> 00:47:41,765 - . This 1117 00:47:41,765 --> 00:47:42,765 - Is just a conversation. 1118 00:47:43,545 --> 00:47:46,045 Um, No, 1119 00:47:46,065 --> 00:47:48,685 but I think that the feelings I had about wanting 1120 00:47:48,705 --> 00:47:51,685 to be softer, gentler, were more the, 1121 00:47:52,205 --> 00:47:53,405 I just wish life could be a little bit 1122 00:47:53,405 --> 00:47:54,605 easier so I can be that way. 1123 00:47:54,605 --> 00:47:58,485 Mm-Hmm. . Um, I am not, 1124 00:47:58,685 --> 00:48:01,965 I don't have a lot of, um, worry anymore. 1125 00:48:02,565 --> 00:48:05,685 I used to that I somehow was not a good submissive 1126 00:48:05,925 --> 00:48:07,925 because we, we tend to go back and forth 1127 00:48:08,025 --> 00:48:09,805 and the sass is strong. 1128 00:48:10,105 --> 00:48:11,765 Mm-Hmm. and, you know, I, 1129 00:48:12,845 --> 00:48:16,645 I rely on clear direct communication from you. 1130 00:48:16,895 --> 00:48:19,125 Right. And so as long as you are not telling me 1131 00:48:19,125 --> 00:48:21,245 that you don't like it, then I'm like, we're good. 1132 00:48:21,265 --> 00:48:23,365 I'm like, keep rocking until he speaks up. 1133 00:48:23,725 --> 00:48:25,045 'cause he's a grown ass adult 1134 00:48:25,325 --> 00:48:25,725 - . And 1135 00:48:26,145 --> 00:48:28,685 - If he doesn't like something, he should say something. 1136 00:48:28,685 --> 00:48:30,885 Yeah. . Because anybody who's waiting 1137 00:48:30,885 --> 00:48:32,005 on me to just know. 1138 00:48:33,035 --> 00:48:35,765 - Yeah. No, but see, I, I've said it before. Mm-Hmm. 1139 00:48:35,805 --> 00:48:37,605 , we've talked about this in the past. Mm-Hmm. 1140 00:48:37,645 --> 00:48:42,605 , this type of re relationship with 1141 00:48:43,635 --> 00:48:48,365 been, you know, non kinky or, or power exchange. 1142 00:48:51,885 --> 00:48:54,965 I enjoy this. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Mm-Hmm. 1143 00:48:55,005 --> 00:48:57,485 . And, you know, it's one of those things, 1144 00:48:57,595 --> 00:48:59,245 it's, it's not for everybody. 1145 00:49:00,405 --> 00:49:01,405 I mean, you know, 1146 00:49:01,805 --> 00:49:05,285 I could hear somebody out there saying, why do you put up with that? 1147 00:49:05,625 --> 00:49:07,085 You know, you are the one, what are you, 1148 00:49:07,085 --> 00:49:08,325 what are you doing? You're in 1149 00:49:08,325 --> 00:49:09,325 - Charge. 1150 00:49:09,325 --> 00:49:10,085 Right. Reminder who's boss. 1151 00:49:11,195 --> 00:49:12,205 - Yeah. Okay. 1152 00:49:12,425 --> 00:49:16,205 And you know, this, this is how our Mm-Hmm. 1153 00:49:16,245 --> 00:49:17,485 relationship works 1154 00:49:17,785 --> 00:49:21,645 - Partly 'cause I never don't know whose boss it, you know, 1155 00:49:21,645 --> 00:49:25,245 we've talked about this lots over the years about 1156 00:49:25,245 --> 00:49:27,445 how we define our 24 7 mm-Hmm. 1157 00:49:27,485 --> 00:49:31,205 . And it's not because you are commanding every 1158 00:49:31,205 --> 00:49:33,965 moment of every day that I, you know, every mo every one 1159 00:49:33,965 --> 00:49:35,045 of my moments, every day. 1160 00:49:35,075 --> 00:49:38,125 Yeah. It is not that there's a bunch of rules to follow. 1161 00:49:38,555 --> 00:49:41,725 It's not that I have to seek out your permission 1162 00:49:41,785 --> 00:49:42,885 for every fucking thing. 1163 00:49:43,265 --> 00:49:46,485 It is that you are always the decider, uh, 1164 00:49:46,575 --> 00:49:48,765 other than some very specific narrow 1165 00:49:48,765 --> 00:49:50,005 things that we've negotiated. 1166 00:49:50,055 --> 00:49:53,725 Right. Outside of that, if a decision has to be made, 1167 00:49:54,745 --> 00:49:56,605 I'm coming to you every time and Mm-Hmm. 1168 00:49:56,645 --> 00:49:59,805 how I show up to , 1169 00:50:00,025 --> 00:50:01,025 - Get that decision. 1170 00:50:01,865 --> 00:50:03,525 - Depend context is everything. 1171 00:50:03,525 --> 00:50:05,845 Because sometimes it's a lighthearted, fun thing 1172 00:50:05,845 --> 00:50:08,365 and we can, I can show up and be silly and sassy 1173 00:50:08,365 --> 00:50:11,565 and you know, and that's the energy we're gonna bring to it. 1174 00:50:11,565 --> 00:50:13,485 And sometimes it's a, okay, this feels like a life 1175 00:50:13,485 --> 00:50:14,925 or death kind of situation. 1176 00:50:15,665 --> 00:50:17,845 Um, I have to do a very hard thing 1177 00:50:17,845 --> 00:50:18,845 and what's got to be done. 1178 00:50:18,945 --> 00:50:21,885 And, but you know, what do you want to do? 1179 00:50:22,505 --> 00:50:25,245 And I am serving through all of that 1180 00:50:25,245 --> 00:50:26,525 because I'm coming to you with the options. 1181 00:50:26,525 --> 00:50:27,685 Mm-Hmm. I've done done the legwork. Mm-Hmm. 1182 00:50:27,685 --> 00:50:30,245 I've done the thinking about it. That's why I don't have the 1183 00:50:30,245 --> 00:50:32,325 bandwidth to be a softer, gentler version of myself. 1184 00:50:32,485 --> 00:50:33,605 , there's shit to think about. 1185 00:50:34,185 --> 00:50:36,725 But at the end of it, it always comes back to 1186 00:50:36,755 --> 00:50:39,565 what do you want to do now that can, 1187 00:50:39,565 --> 00:50:42,645 that line can feel fuzzy sometimes when I haven't kind 1188 00:50:42,645 --> 00:50:45,805 of been in my, my sub headspace Mm-Hmm. 1189 00:50:45,965 --> 00:50:47,845 because you deciding 1190 00:50:48,495 --> 00:50:51,325 often looks like us talking it through 1191 00:50:51,425 --> 00:50:53,325 and me presenting my information 1192 00:50:53,325 --> 00:50:54,965 and you going, mm, but I'm not sure. 1193 00:50:55,145 --> 00:50:56,965 Mm. What about this, what about that? 1194 00:50:57,065 --> 00:51:00,645 And then the decision is ultimately a collaborative one. 1195 00:51:00,835 --> 00:51:05,685 True. But the sheer fact that I, no decision is being made 1196 00:51:05,775 --> 00:51:07,365 until I show up to you 1197 00:51:07,365 --> 00:51:08,965 and go here, we have to make this decision. 1198 00:51:09,905 --> 00:51:11,165 That's how we're 24 7. 1199 00:51:11,315 --> 00:51:14,285 It's how, you know, a lot of people ask me about 1200 00:51:14,285 --> 00:51:16,445 how you get into a submissive head space. 1201 00:51:16,545 --> 00:51:18,525 And I, in some ways, I'm always there. 1202 00:51:18,525 --> 00:51:20,765 In some ways I'm not like when the snark is too strong 1203 00:51:20,765 --> 00:51:22,405 and I'm not thinking about, hey wait, 1204 00:51:23,195 --> 00:51:24,525 he's the one in charge here. 1205 00:51:24,905 --> 00:51:26,845 And I step over the line a little bit 1206 00:51:27,145 --> 00:51:30,725 and you know, you push back like clearly I'm not in a head 1207 00:51:30,725 --> 00:51:31,965 space, but in a way, 1208 00:51:32,835 --> 00:51:36,165 because I know how our life works, how we've set it up so 1209 00:51:36,165 --> 00:51:39,205 that even when there's not a direct rule, a direct task, uh, 1210 00:51:39,205 --> 00:51:40,765 you didn't ask me to go do a thing, 1211 00:51:40,885 --> 00:51:41,965 I didn't, I don't need that. 1212 00:51:42,445 --> 00:51:45,765 I know that whatever's going on in our life from uh, 1213 00:51:45,875 --> 00:51:47,245 what time of the day 1214 00:51:47,265 --> 00:51:51,725 or week we're going to the grocery store to, are we going 1215 00:51:51,725 --> 00:51:55,005 to apply for this big thing online and try to do this thing? 1216 00:51:55,475 --> 00:51:56,765 Yeah. I can, 1217 00:51:57,005 --> 00:51:59,045 I can have all the thoughts and opinions I want. 1218 00:51:59,045 --> 00:52:00,405 I can do all the research I want. 1219 00:52:01,625 --> 00:52:05,605 The place I stop is just deciding, which quite frankly 1220 00:52:05,705 --> 00:52:07,645 for me, and not everybody will feel this way. 1221 00:52:07,725 --> 00:52:09,445 I think it's, it's the anxiety of me. 1222 00:52:09,445 --> 00:52:10,645 And there's probably other stuff. 1223 00:52:11,225 --> 00:52:13,805 It is so comforting sometimes to go, okay, 1224 00:52:13,805 --> 00:52:15,325 I did all the work and I see all the options 1225 00:52:15,325 --> 00:52:17,365 and I, I have opinions on which way, 1226 00:52:17,545 --> 00:52:19,685 but I don't actually have to decide . 1227 00:52:22,345 --> 00:52:25,565 And so I, I guess I always, even when I don't feel it, 1228 00:52:25,565 --> 00:52:30,525 even when I don't feel like the kind of submissive I want 1229 00:52:30,525 --> 00:52:31,645 to feel like we've talked about this before when 1230 00:52:31,645 --> 00:52:32,685 I'm like, I haven't had enough baby girl. 1231 00:52:32,875 --> 00:52:34,445 It's not snarky sassy, 1232 00:52:34,445 --> 00:52:39,285 but like the playful kid-like baby girl side of me. 1233 00:52:39,425 --> 00:52:41,525 You know, I'll say I have not had enough 1234 00:52:41,525 --> 00:52:42,885 opportunity to be a baby girl lately. 1235 00:52:43,075 --> 00:52:45,805 It's, you know, it's been more service than anything. 1236 00:52:45,805 --> 00:52:48,845 Or it's been whatever. But, you know, 1237 00:52:48,995 --> 00:52:51,605 because of how we just live our power exchange, 1238 00:52:52,325 --> 00:52:53,845 I always know I'm submissive. 1239 00:52:53,925 --> 00:52:55,485 I always know who I'm submissive to. 1240 00:52:55,885 --> 00:52:58,365 'cause I'm working on shit in service of both you 1241 00:52:58,425 --> 00:52:59,725 and us as a whole. 1242 00:52:59,735 --> 00:53:01,085 Right. Family as a whole. 1243 00:53:01,665 --> 00:53:06,365 Um, and also I'm, I might bring it to you 1244 00:53:06,505 --> 00:53:07,885 for you to lead on something, 1245 00:53:07,945 --> 00:53:12,765 but you, you know, the buck stops there with you, which I, 1246 00:53:13,245 --> 00:53:15,685 I mean, I kind of like a little bit 1247 00:53:15,685 --> 00:53:16,685 of the pressure is off. 1248 00:53:16,825 --> 00:53:18,885 Not a lot, but a little bit. Yeah. 1249 00:53:19,665 --> 00:53:21,965 Um, I feel like this was very much about me, 1250 00:53:21,965 --> 00:53:25,605 and I don't want it to be where, where are you on, like 1251 00:53:25,635 --> 00:53:28,605 what, is there anything that even briefly you've missed 1252 00:53:29,045 --> 00:53:30,285 recently about your own dominance 1253 00:53:30,285 --> 00:53:31,445 or that you're like, okay, 1254 00:53:31,505 --> 00:53:32,765 I'm looking forward to when we can. 1255 00:53:33,285 --> 00:53:34,405 - I, I think do that again. 1256 00:53:34,805 --> 00:53:39,085 I, I think the biggest thing I miss right now, um, 1257 00:53:40,025 --> 00:53:44,565 as, as far as the power exchange Mm-Hmm. 1258 00:53:44,605 --> 00:53:46,645 aspect of our relationship. 1259 00:53:47,465 --> 00:53:52,365 Um, I think under the circumstances 1260 00:53:52,595 --> 00:53:54,045 it's doing pretty damn good. 1261 00:53:54,645 --> 00:53:56,725 in some ways. Mm-Hmm. 1262 00:53:56,765 --> 00:53:58,805 , um, you know, yeah. 1263 00:53:58,855 --> 00:54:00,485 We're, we're, we're going through a lot, 1264 00:54:00,585 --> 00:54:03,925 but we're keeping one foot in front of the other and, 1265 00:54:04,025 --> 00:54:07,125 and we're just chipping away at things. We're 1266 00:54:07,245 --> 00:54:08,805 - Handling this current batch of stress. 1267 00:54:10,915 --> 00:54:13,205 Clearly we're handling it differently than the previous 1268 00:54:13,235 --> 00:54:14,365 batches of stress, but in 1269 00:54:14,365 --> 00:54:15,445 a way, I feel like we're handling it better. 1270 00:54:15,445 --> 00:54:19,925 Like we're getting better life. Going 1271 00:54:20,105 --> 00:54:21,605 - Better at handling the bullshit. 1272 00:54:21,605 --> 00:54:22,725 Yeah. I, I think Oh, used, you 1273 00:54:22,725 --> 00:54:23,525 - Thought you were gonna get a chance 1274 00:54:23,625 --> 00:54:24,605 to just like, be bored. 1275 00:54:24,785 --> 00:54:26,045 No, no. Here. Mm-Hmm. here. 1276 00:54:26,085 --> 00:54:28,285 I want you to, I want you to like, deal with this 1277 00:54:28,345 --> 00:54:29,345 - Mm-Hmm. 1278 00:54:29,345 --> 00:54:32,525 . Now, I, I would say 1279 00:54:33,905 --> 00:54:36,125 the thing that I most certainly miss, um, 1280 00:54:36,385 --> 00:54:40,245 in the way things have been, um, have been playtime. 1281 00:54:40,705 --> 00:54:44,005 - Oh yeah. Yeah. - Lack thereof. 1282 00:54:44,595 --> 00:54:46,605 - Yeah. - You know, 1283 00:54:46,985 --> 00:54:50,365 and, um, there, there was a time, you know, 1284 00:54:50,365 --> 00:54:52,405 during the day we had opportunities. 1285 00:54:52,585 --> 00:54:53,805 We had the house to ourselves. 1286 00:54:54,505 --> 00:54:57,445 We no longer have that at all. Mm-Hmm. 1287 00:54:57,685 --> 00:54:59,165 - . And there's stuff going on 1288 00:54:59,165 --> 00:55:01,325 that even when we could have that, we can't have that. 1289 00:55:01,945 --> 00:55:03,965 And, you know, I, I agree. I miss it too. 1290 00:55:04,505 --> 00:55:07,005 Um, I think that we would probably be better 1291 00:55:07,005 --> 00:55:08,485 connected if we got more of that. 1292 00:55:08,545 --> 00:55:10,925 Mm-Hmm. , um, time in. Yeah. 1293 00:55:11,045 --> 00:55:12,725 I also, you know, 1294 00:55:12,725 --> 00:55:14,445 there are times when I get I miss 1295 00:55:14,445 --> 00:55:15,645 something or I wish something was different. 1296 00:55:15,725 --> 00:55:17,325 I get resentful about it. Mm-Hmm. 1297 00:55:17,365 --> 00:55:18,565 , this is not one of those times 1298 00:55:18,565 --> 00:55:23,435 because I understand clearly the priority 1299 00:55:23,455 --> 00:55:24,555 and, and why Mm-Hmm. 1300 00:55:24,595 --> 00:55:28,715 . Um, and I, you know, I think I have 1301 00:55:29,255 --> 00:55:33,955 enough perspective now on some parts of life that I go, 1302 00:55:34,475 --> 00:55:35,915 I know this won't be forever. 1303 00:55:36,105 --> 00:55:37,315 This will change. Mm-Hmm. 1304 00:55:37,355 --> 00:55:39,995 either kids grow up 1305 00:55:39,995 --> 00:55:41,355 and move outta your damn house, 1306 00:55:41,695 --> 00:55:44,075 or you start to have grownup money again 1307 00:55:44,075 --> 00:55:45,475 and you're like, you can stay at the house. 1308 00:55:45,695 --> 00:55:46,995 I'm going, you know, . Yeah. 1309 00:55:47,495 --> 00:55:50,475 And that I, you know, I, I don't know. 1310 00:55:50,475 --> 00:55:52,515 And maybe it's a, I'm, I'm getting older 1311 00:55:52,575 --> 00:55:54,155 and we will pretend wiser 1312 00:55:54,175 --> 00:55:56,995 and that's how, why I'm less impatient 1313 00:55:57,055 --> 00:55:58,115 and frustrated about it. 1314 00:55:58,115 --> 00:56:00,675 Like, yes, I acknowledge it and I want it to be different 1315 00:56:00,735 --> 00:56:02,395 and I wish it could be different, 1316 00:56:02,415 --> 00:56:04,195 but I'm not, I don't walk 1317 00:56:04,195 --> 00:56:06,195 around miserable about the fact that it can't be different. 1318 00:56:06,275 --> 00:56:07,835 I sort of accept it. Mm-Hmm. 1319 00:56:07,875 --> 00:56:09,275 , maybe that's because I am 1320 00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:11,435 intimately aware of why it is. 1321 00:56:11,545 --> 00:56:13,515 Yeah. What it is. I don't know. I dunno. 1322 00:56:14,875 --> 00:56:15,915 - I mean, I'm not gonna lie 1323 00:56:15,935 --> 00:56:18,795 and say that, um, 1324 00:56:19,575 --> 00:56:24,525 my headspace has been, you know, nonchalant about this. 1325 00:56:24,625 --> 00:56:26,285 Mm-Hmm. , um, no. 1326 00:56:26,745 --> 00:56:29,365 Uh, my head space has definitely been affected, 1327 00:56:30,665 --> 00:56:34,885 but not as bad as it would have in the past. 1328 00:56:35,355 --> 00:56:39,605 Yeah. And sometimes, you know, I hate to say this, 1329 00:56:39,985 --> 00:56:44,085 but I almost wonder if it is in part 1330 00:56:44,085 --> 00:56:47,285 because of, you know, since 1331 00:56:48,065 --> 00:56:52,325 things kind of started for us, you know, 1332 00:56:52,325 --> 00:56:53,685 going back a couple years ago, 1333 00:56:55,185 --> 00:56:58,925 if this isn't just about being desensitized to some of it 1334 00:56:59,645 --> 00:57:00,645 - Probably, but you know what? 1335 00:57:00,825 --> 00:57:01,925 If that's what gets us 1336 00:57:01,925 --> 00:57:04,085 through without being more stressed than 1337 00:57:04,085 --> 00:57:05,245 we could be, I'll take it. 1338 00:57:05,245 --> 00:57:07,285 Yeah. I'll take it. We probably are 1339 00:57:07,285 --> 00:57:09,125 because our new normal has been Oh, 1340 00:57:09,125 --> 00:57:10,725 that thing you wanna do, you're not gonna be able to do. 1341 00:57:10,755 --> 00:57:13,005 Like, that's just Yeah. We, we roll with it now. 1342 00:57:13,125 --> 00:57:14,365 'cause we're like, oh yeah, , 1343 00:57:14,615 --> 00:57:15,615 - Right? 1344 00:57:15,615 --> 00:57:16,925 - Yeah. Yeah. Li Life's been doing 1345 00:57:16,925 --> 00:57:18,085 this to us for a few years. 1346 00:57:18,405 --> 00:57:20,525 I mean, I, I, you know, there was a time, 1347 00:57:20,565 --> 00:57:22,085 I think we still got our hopes up about 1348 00:57:22,155 --> 00:57:23,155 - Shit. 1349 00:57:23,155 --> 00:57:24,325 . Yeah. Yeah. 1350 00:57:25,825 --> 00:57:29,165 - No . Nope. - To hell with Hope . 1351 00:57:30,275 --> 00:57:31,485 - It's weird. Um, 1352 00:57:32,095 --> 00:57:34,485 maybe other optimists will, will relate to this. 1353 00:57:34,525 --> 00:57:36,605 I don't know. But it feels weird to acknowledge 1354 00:57:36,605 --> 00:57:39,285 that I am optimistic about long-term future. 1355 00:57:39,395 --> 00:57:43,285 Like I know that this is not gonna be our reality forever, 1356 00:57:43,435 --> 00:57:44,925 that things will shift and change again, 1357 00:57:44,925 --> 00:57:46,405 because that's the nature of life, blah, blah, blah. 1358 00:57:46,405 --> 00:57:51,325 Yeah. But also very much at minimum a pragmatist 1359 00:57:51,425 --> 00:57:54,005 and maybe a pessimist about 1360 00:57:54,865 --> 00:57:58,565 in the moment stuff like, oh, we might get time 1361 00:57:58,705 --> 00:58:00,325 to do the fuckery thing. 1362 00:58:01,115 --> 00:58:03,005 Okay. We don't get your hopes up . Yeah. 1363 00:58:03,025 --> 00:58:04,845 That's probably not happening. 1364 00:58:05,165 --> 00:58:07,565 - . Mm-Hmm. . Yep. Exactly. 1365 00:58:07,755 --> 00:58:10,125 - Like, I'm optimistic for a broader future. 1366 00:58:10,825 --> 00:58:13,965 I'm, I don't know if pessimistic is right. 1367 00:58:13,965 --> 00:58:17,125 Maybe that's too strong, but I'm not optimistic about the 1368 00:58:17,155 --> 00:58:18,285 immediate moment. 1369 00:58:18,355 --> 00:58:20,845 - Yeah. I mean, just, just like we thought we were gonna 1370 00:58:20,845 --> 00:58:25,325 have the opportunity to have some playtime a few days ago. 1371 00:58:25,465 --> 00:58:27,125 Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Mm-Hmm. . 1372 00:58:27,465 --> 00:58:31,005 And, uh, not that I wasn't looking forward to it, 1373 00:58:31,945 --> 00:58:33,805 but it was kind of one of those things 1374 00:58:33,805 --> 00:58:35,765 where I had it in my mind. 1375 00:58:36,035 --> 00:58:38,165 I'll believe it when I see it. Yep, yep. 1376 00:58:38,265 --> 00:58:40,005 - Yep, - Yep, yep. . 1377 00:58:40,505 --> 00:58:44,765 - Yep. Which did help for the disappointment to be minimal. 1378 00:58:44,875 --> 00:58:46,605 Yeah. Because I was like, yeah, I sort 1379 00:58:46,605 --> 00:58:48,445 of expected this to go this way. Mm-Hmm. . 1380 00:58:48,995 --> 00:58:52,445 - Yeah. - And are we being cagey and not giving details? 1381 00:58:52,585 --> 00:58:54,325 Yes. But that's 'cause there are certain parts 1382 00:58:54,325 --> 00:58:55,285 of our personal life even 1383 00:58:55,345 --> 00:58:56,565 we don't wanna put on the internet. 1384 00:58:56,625 --> 00:58:59,045 Thanks. Right. Um, uh, 1385 00:58:59,345 --> 00:59:00,345 - So Yeah. 1386 00:59:00,345 --> 00:59:04,725 Yeah. You know, and, um, I I, I think if anything, 1387 00:59:05,665 --> 00:59:09,885 you know, what the last few years have, have taught me, 1388 00:59:10,825 --> 00:59:14,965 um, you know, kind of roll 1389 00:59:14,965 --> 00:59:16,405 with the punches a little better. 1390 00:59:17,395 --> 00:59:18,405 - Yeah. Oh yeah. 1391 00:59:19,005 --> 00:59:22,005 the one, the one, uh, 1392 00:59:22,005 --> 00:59:24,085 consistent conversation we've had over the years. 1393 00:59:24,585 --> 00:59:28,245 Uh, 'cause when your stress levels get high, it could be 1394 00:59:28,245 --> 00:59:29,925 because there's stuff going on. 1395 00:59:29,925 --> 00:59:32,645 Sure. Mm-Hmm. . But it typically is about you 1396 00:59:32,645 --> 00:59:34,605 feeling out of control about a thing. 1397 00:59:34,665 --> 00:59:37,645 Yes. And it's not to say 1398 00:59:37,645 --> 00:59:40,125 that you don't still have those moments 1399 00:59:40,935 --> 00:59:44,005 where you're stressed simply because you don't have control. 1400 00:59:44,955 --> 00:59:46,645 They, you handle them better. 1401 00:59:46,755 --> 00:59:49,605 - They're not Yeah. It's not as much of a Oh, you 1402 00:59:49,825 --> 00:59:51,325 - Are unbearable in the beginning. 1403 00:59:51,685 --> 00:59:54,205 - , they're Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. I, yeah. 1404 00:59:55,105 --> 00:59:56,925 I'm, I don't deny it. Yeah. 1405 00:59:56,925 --> 01:00:00,525 - And, and you know, maybe it's, we're desensitized, 1406 01:00:00,545 --> 01:00:03,805 but I, there's, I there's a little bit of a benefit to that 1407 01:00:03,805 --> 01:00:07,165 because that decent, we're not so desensitized 1408 01:00:07,235 --> 01:00:09,205 that we can't acknowledge our feelings. 1409 01:00:09,205 --> 01:00:10,845 Mm-Hmm. and talk about the reality of things. 1410 01:00:11,185 --> 01:00:13,365 And, you know, it's not that we don't care 1411 01:00:13,585 --> 01:00:15,365 or have hope we all of that is true. 1412 01:00:15,555 --> 01:00:19,805 Yeah. It's more that we are not reactive in the moment 1413 01:00:20,065 --> 01:00:21,605 as much as we once were Yeah. 1414 01:00:21,665 --> 01:00:23,525 We, we are laughing more 1415 01:00:23,525 --> 01:00:26,285 through this particular stressful moment in time. 1416 01:00:26,285 --> 01:00:29,245 Mm-Hmm. , which for us is a str type of stress 1417 01:00:29,245 --> 01:00:32,605 that we knew we always knew could be a possibility. 1418 01:00:32,605 --> 01:00:34,925 And we desperately didn't want it to be . Yeah. 1419 01:00:34,925 --> 01:00:36,085 We're laughing more 1420 01:00:36,085 --> 01:00:39,165 through this one than we were the previous stressors, 1421 01:00:39,165 --> 01:00:40,685 which were the new and unknown 1422 01:00:40,785 --> 01:00:44,325 and like, we hadn't become desensitized. 1423 01:00:44,325 --> 01:00:45,925 Right. And I think that's it. 1424 01:00:45,985 --> 01:00:47,605 To bring it back to the actual topic. 1425 01:00:48,525 --> 01:00:52,885 I think that's why I'm not always, I don't always get to 1426 01:00:53,785 --> 01:00:56,365 be the submissive that I kind of have been in the past 1427 01:00:56,425 --> 01:00:58,365 and would like to be at times, 1428 01:00:59,225 --> 01:01:02,125 but I'm not always unhappy. 1429 01:01:03,105 --> 01:01:05,245 I'm actually mostly happy with the type 1430 01:01:05,245 --> 01:01:07,045 of submissive I am right now. 1431 01:01:07,665 --> 01:01:09,205 Now that works 1432 01:01:09,205 --> 01:01:13,565 because you are showing up in the complimentary fashion. 1433 01:01:13,785 --> 01:01:15,525 You want, you like this from me 1434 01:01:15,825 --> 01:01:18,165 and you're giving as good as you get. 1435 01:01:18,165 --> 01:01:19,845 Mm-Hmm. . And so it's a reciprocal thing 1436 01:01:20,145 --> 01:01:21,245 and it's a mutual thing. 1437 01:01:21,245 --> 01:01:23,445 Right. That would not work if it was not mutual 1438 01:01:23,885 --> 01:01:24,565 - . Sure, sure. 1439 01:01:25,025 --> 01:01:26,605 - We would all be miserable - If that was the case. 1440 01:01:26,605 --> 01:01:28,485 And that, and that's the, the, the, you know, 1441 01:01:28,545 --> 01:01:32,765 the big thing about it, um, you know, the, 1442 01:01:32,865 --> 01:01:36,125 the relationship we have with the snark, you know what, 1443 01:01:36,125 --> 01:01:40,605 what I get from you, what, what you get from me, you know, 1444 01:01:40,905 --> 01:01:43,605 it, it's part of our relationship. 1445 01:01:43,955 --> 01:01:46,205 It's consensual. Yeah. You know, no. 1446 01:01:46,785 --> 01:01:51,525 And no different than, um, you know, 1447 01:01:51,925 --> 01:01:53,165 somebody being with a bratt. 1448 01:01:53,675 --> 01:01:56,005 Sure. Okay. You know, that, that has 1449 01:01:56,005 --> 01:01:57,685 to be all consensual as well. 1450 01:01:57,895 --> 01:02:00,485 - Right. And you have to like, kind of have an idea of 1451 01:02:00,485 --> 01:02:02,125 what you're signing up for and go, yeah, yeah. 1452 01:02:02,155 --> 01:02:03,285 I'll, we'll keep doing this. Right. 1453 01:02:03,405 --> 01:02:06,165 I wanna be clear, I don't think we just showed up this 1454 01:02:07,055 --> 01:02:09,045 compatible in this type of way. 1455 01:02:09,795 --> 01:02:13,085 Like one day we were like trying to have more of a, 1456 01:02:14,625 --> 01:02:17,005 uh, air quote this word, typical kind 1457 01:02:17,005 --> 01:02:18,005 of power exchange kinda moment. 1458 01:02:18,025 --> 01:02:20,845 And the next moment it's snark and sass 1459 01:02:20,845 --> 01:02:22,045 and who can be meaner 1460 01:02:22,065 --> 01:02:24,045 to one another without crossing a line kind of thing. 1461 01:02:24,395 --> 01:02:26,245 That we didn't, that we didn't just wake up that way 1462 01:02:26,245 --> 01:02:29,765 because No, my, like, I think I said this at the top, if not 1463 01:02:29,765 --> 01:02:33,645 what I'm saying it now, my natural response to stress 1464 01:02:33,645 --> 01:02:37,205 and hard times if I don't shut down, I get sharper, 1465 01:02:37,525 --> 01:02:39,085 I get harder, I get, like, 1466 01:02:39,285 --> 01:02:41,445 I get more pointed in my words a lot of the times. 1467 01:02:41,595 --> 01:02:45,285 Yeah. And that is not always welcome . 1468 01:02:45,285 --> 01:02:49,045 And in the beginning of all of this, as we were sort 1469 01:02:49,045 --> 01:02:52,365 of shifting into like what life looks like now on top 1470 01:02:52,365 --> 01:02:55,165 of just the learning how to live with the levels of stress 1471 01:02:55,165 --> 01:02:56,205 that we hadn't had to live with 1472 01:02:56,205 --> 01:02:58,765 before, you know, there were things that 1473 01:02:59,985 --> 01:03:02,525 JB did not always respond well to that he, you know, 1474 01:03:02,525 --> 01:03:04,765 there were still times you're like, this is inappropriate 1475 01:03:04,825 --> 01:03:06,365 and it may have actually been inappropriate, 1476 01:03:06,385 --> 01:03:08,525 or it may have been at that moment it was inappropriate. 1477 01:03:08,525 --> 01:03:10,285 And if it happened in the exact same way today 1478 01:03:10,315 --> 01:03:13,165 with the experience we have of one another being this way, 1479 01:03:13,505 --> 01:03:14,885 he would not clock it that way. 1480 01:03:14,955 --> 01:03:17,085 Like, I don't, I don't, can't say don't know, 1481 01:03:17,705 --> 01:03:22,285 but this is a thing that we, we each, we're working 1482 01:03:22,285 --> 01:03:25,165 through stuff together because we're married. 1483 01:03:25,165 --> 01:03:26,605 Mm-Hmm. . And we raise kids together 1484 01:03:26,705 --> 01:03:27,925 and we own a business together. 1485 01:03:27,925 --> 01:03:28,965 Everything we do is together. Sure. 1486 01:03:29,065 --> 01:03:30,525 So we're working through it all together, 1487 01:03:31,025 --> 01:03:33,085 but we still had to get to 1488 01:03:33,745 --> 01:03:37,205 how we could internally handle all of it in our own time 1489 01:03:37,265 --> 01:03:38,285 and in our own way. 1490 01:03:38,785 --> 01:03:41,645 And so there absolutely have been times of conflict 1491 01:03:42,035 --> 01:03:46,565 because maybe I'm in the snark head space 1492 01:03:46,585 --> 01:03:49,885 of fuck it, anything even matter at all anymore anyway. 1493 01:03:50,345 --> 01:03:52,765 And j b's over there, depending on the situation 1494 01:03:52,765 --> 01:03:54,685 or the moment or the whatever going, no, 1495 01:03:54,685 --> 01:03:55,685 this is super serious 1496 01:03:55,945 --> 01:03:58,005 and you are not responding in a respectful way. 1497 01:03:58,185 --> 01:04:00,565 And I feel like my power and control is being threatened 1498 01:04:00,565 --> 01:04:01,765 and not being respected. 1499 01:04:01,765 --> 01:04:05,085 And you know, that was especially true in the early times 1500 01:04:05,195 --> 01:04:07,605 when you, your stress level was connected to 1501 01:04:07,605 --> 01:04:08,925 how out of control you felt. 1502 01:04:08,925 --> 01:04:11,605 Correct. And then if I was not showing up in that 1503 01:04:12,665 --> 01:04:15,965 at least semi respectful way, your tolerance 1504 01:04:16,105 --> 01:04:18,405 for it was not like it is now. 1505 01:04:19,185 --> 01:04:21,925 And or because I'm constantly trying to read people. 1506 01:04:21,955 --> 01:04:23,725 It's the hypervigilance Hi . 1507 01:04:23,725 --> 01:04:26,605 Um, I was sometimes moderating 1508 01:04:26,665 --> 01:04:31,445 and modulating my approach because of how you were Yeah. 1509 01:04:31,665 --> 01:04:33,965 And now I think we are absolutely at a point, 1510 01:04:33,965 --> 01:04:35,925 and I'm not saying that this couldn't turn on a dime 1511 01:04:35,925 --> 01:04:38,525 and we couldn't be like so stressed that we're catatonic, 1512 01:04:38,825 --> 01:04:41,885 but right now we are at the fuck it levels of stress 1513 01:04:42,995 --> 01:04:44,925 - Like Yeah. Yeah. Fuck it. 1514 01:04:45,325 --> 01:04:48,565 - . And so we, yeah. Our sense of humor is better. 1515 01:04:48,565 --> 01:04:50,605 Mm-Hmm. . And so then the push 1516 01:04:50,605 --> 01:04:53,565 and pull of how we interact is more fluid 1517 01:04:53,785 --> 01:04:55,085 and it fits better. 1518 01:04:55,715 --> 01:05:00,565 Yeah. But also, yeah, , there's parts of us 1519 01:05:00,745 --> 01:05:02,605 and parts of our power exchange experience. 1520 01:05:03,125 --> 01:05:04,885 I don't miss so much that I'm miserable, 1521 01:05:04,945 --> 01:05:07,805 but like, if I think about it, if I take the time 1522 01:05:07,805 --> 01:05:09,125 to think about it, I'm like, oh yeah, 1523 01:05:10,365 --> 01:05:11,725 I know. I miss that. Yeah. 1524 01:05:12,465 --> 01:05:16,965 - And, you know, to to, to say, you know, would it be nice 1525 01:05:17,145 --> 01:05:21,245 for things to kind of, you know, chill out 1526 01:05:21,245 --> 01:05:24,005 and get back to a little bit of what it was. Hell yeah. 1527 01:05:24,915 --> 01:05:28,205 - Yeah. And, you know, I won, I I think we'll get 1528 01:05:28,205 --> 01:05:30,005 to find out, but I wonder if we'll be mindful 1529 01:05:30,145 --> 01:05:31,565 of it when we're figuring it out. 1530 01:05:31,675 --> 01:05:34,125 Yeah. When we get some of these things sorted 1531 01:05:34,145 --> 01:05:37,245 and we get back to the flow of the ebb and flow 1532 01:05:37,505 --> 01:05:39,405 and we, even if it's just for like a week, 1533 01:05:39,505 --> 01:05:40,645 we get to be bored 1534 01:05:41,165 --> 01:05:41,845 - . Yeah. 1535 01:05:42,705 --> 01:05:44,485 - We get to be like, you know, you get to have 1536 01:05:44,485 --> 01:05:46,605 that false sense of Oh, I've got my life figured out. 1537 01:05:46,605 --> 01:05:48,445 That is right before life will throw you 1538 01:05:48,445 --> 01:05:49,645 another like, curve ball. 1539 01:05:49,665 --> 01:05:51,085 But that's fine. I'll take that 1540 01:05:51,635 --> 01:05:52,965 - Five minutes right before life says, here, 1541 01:05:52,965 --> 01:05:54,085 hold my drink . 1542 01:05:54,085 --> 01:05:57,365 - Right. But what I'm curious about is if we'll be mindful 1543 01:05:57,745 --> 01:06:02,445 enough of what's happening in our lives to recognize it 1544 01:06:02,465 --> 01:06:07,325 and to go, oh, this is our time, this is, oh, we can, 1545 01:06:07,425 --> 01:06:08,445 we can do things differently. 1546 01:06:08,465 --> 01:06:10,205 We don't if we want to Yeah. 1547 01:06:10,205 --> 01:06:13,085 We don't have to continue on in this way. 1548 01:06:13,145 --> 01:06:15,645 We can branch out and, you know, in other 1549 01:06:15,645 --> 01:06:16,645 - Yeah. 1550 01:06:16,645 --> 01:06:18,125 - Yeah. Go down memory lane a little better. Mm-Hmm. 1551 01:06:18,165 --> 01:06:19,245 whatever, whatever. Yeah. 1552 01:06:19,545 --> 01:06:20,845 - Ah - Hmm. 1553 01:06:22,045 --> 01:06:24,885 - . - So I don't have anything. 1554 01:06:25,575 --> 01:06:26,925 Could I keep talking in circles 1555 01:06:26,925 --> 01:06:28,845 around a topic while Lola snores in the background? 1556 01:06:28,845 --> 01:06:30,205 Of course I could. Yeah. Um, 1557 01:06:31,145 --> 01:06:34,485 but yeah, I didn't expect this 1558 01:06:34,485 --> 01:06:36,245 to be personally helpful for anybody. 1559 01:06:36,445 --> 01:06:37,325 'cause our experience will be 1560 01:06:37,325 --> 01:06:38,405 different from your experience. Mm-Hmm. 1561 01:06:38,445 --> 01:06:39,445 - mileage may vary, 1562 01:06:39,755 --> 01:06:40,755 - Obviously. 1563 01:06:40,755 --> 01:06:42,125 Definitely always. Yeah. 1564 01:06:42,505 --> 01:06:44,965 But I think that if you ever have, if you ever have 1565 01:06:44,965 --> 01:06:46,805 that realization of what I used to be, we used 1566 01:06:46,805 --> 01:06:49,565 to be like this together and now we're, we're not like that. 1567 01:06:49,825 --> 01:06:51,365 And it's not been a, we sat down 1568 01:06:51,365 --> 01:06:52,445 and talked about it and renegotiated. 1569 01:06:52,445 --> 01:06:54,725 Mm-Hmm. . It's just been a natural shift. 1570 01:06:55,665 --> 01:06:57,325 You know, I think it's worth thinking about, 1571 01:06:57,325 --> 01:07:00,445 even if it's not maybe the right time to talk about it, uh, 1572 01:07:00,445 --> 01:07:01,965 maybe it is the right time to talk about it. 1573 01:07:01,965 --> 01:07:03,365 Yeah. And you can go, Hey, have, 1574 01:07:03,455 --> 01:07:04,805 let's acknowledge this at least 1575 01:07:04,865 --> 01:07:07,165 and let's check in with one another. 1576 01:07:07,505 --> 01:07:09,805 You know, this for me has been kind of a check-in of, 1577 01:07:09,805 --> 01:07:11,525 oh, we actually like this. 1578 01:07:11,555 --> 01:07:15,125 This is okay, this is not, we're not lacking in some way. 1579 01:07:15,175 --> 01:07:19,965 Right. Um, I miss the older aspects of the way we used 1580 01:07:19,965 --> 01:07:21,485 to be able to do things, 1581 01:07:22,785 --> 01:07:25,765 but I also agree that we'll either get there at some point 1582 01:07:25,785 --> 01:07:27,685 in the future or we will get there. 1583 01:07:28,175 --> 01:07:31,085 We'll have a different experience that gives a similar vibe. 1584 01:07:31,585 --> 01:07:33,005 - Mm mm-Hmm. 1585 01:07:33,235 --> 01:07:37,925 - Yeah. No. So I don't have anything else to say. Mm-Hmm. 1586 01:07:38,435 --> 01:07:39,965 Okay. Okay. I guess we'll be done. 1587 01:07:40,145 --> 01:07:41,365 - So are we good? We're 1588 01:07:41,365 --> 01:07:45,285 - Gonna have bonus section and then , you're trying 1589 01:07:45,405 --> 01:07:46,805 to rush us over here. 1590 01:07:47,285 --> 01:07:49,885 . We're gonna do a bonus 1591 01:07:49,885 --> 01:07:51,165 section, but yes, we're done. 1592 01:07:51,185 --> 01:07:53,805 And yes, to answer your question, uh, are we good? 1593 01:07:53,805 --> 01:07:55,445 I don't know. That's not for me to say. Okay. 1594 01:07:56,275 --> 01:07:58,405 - Keep it kinky y'all - And we'll see you next week. 1595 01:08:08,575 --> 01:08:09,575 Daddy. 1596 01:08:09,945 --> 01:08:12,085 - Yes, baby girl. - Can I talk to the crickets please? 1597 01:08:13,705 --> 01:08:17,085 - You go right ahead. Oh, - Damn. He is tired. Y'all 1598 01:08:17,565 --> 01:08:18,565 - . 1599 01:08:18,565 --> 01:08:21,365 - I mean, his eyes are not fully open. So . Yeah. 1600 01:08:21,985 --> 01:08:24,005 So here's how our, our day started. 1601 01:08:24,145 --> 01:08:26,925 We recorded the first thing and his eyes were not open. 1602 01:08:27,485 --> 01:08:28,965 , we recorded the next thing 1603 01:08:28,965 --> 01:08:30,565 and he made his eyes be open. 1604 01:08:31,045 --> 01:08:32,605 . We did the intro for this podcast 1605 01:08:32,825 --> 01:08:36,205 for the audio side of things, and he made his eyes be open. 1606 01:08:36,665 --> 01:08:38,445 But the longer we've had this conversation, 1607 01:08:38,585 --> 01:08:40,565 the more they've shut again, 1608 01:08:40,965 --> 01:08:41,965 - . 1609 01:08:43,385 --> 01:08:47,005 - Uh, I know your original plan was to go work in the shop. 1610 01:08:47,335 --> 01:08:50,045 Maybe, maybe a nap would be better. I don't know. 1611 01:08:50,515 --> 01:08:52,365 What do you think? Should you take a nap? 1612 01:08:52,705 --> 01:08:53,805 - No, I'm still gonna go and 1613 01:08:54,155 --> 01:08:55,155 - Okay. 1614 01:08:55,155 --> 01:08:55,405 You're gonna be that tired and 1615 01:08:55,405 --> 01:08:56,485 go work around the power tools. 1616 01:08:57,435 --> 01:09:00,845 - Yeah. . Oh - God. Oh God. 1617 01:09:01,275 --> 01:09:01,565 - Yeah. 1618 01:09:10,825 --> 01:09:15,805 Um, so yeah. Yeah. 1619 01:09:16,105 --> 01:09:20,725 No, I, I kind of giggled, 1620 01:09:21,025 --> 01:09:25,045 uh, earlier back Rah said that, uh, oh. 1621 01:09:25,045 --> 01:09:26,045 So I'm sad. 1622 01:09:27,165 --> 01:09:28,365 - A smart ass daddy. - Smart 1623 01:09:28,365 --> 01:09:29,485 ass daddy. Yeah, you definitely 1624 01:09:29,485 --> 01:09:30,005 - Are. . 1625 01:09:30,005 --> 01:09:33,045 - You definitely, - You absolutely. 1626 01:09:33,405 --> 01:09:36,365 I would, I would say on the lighter end of the spectrum, 1627 01:09:36,385 --> 01:09:39,165 you're a sassy daddy, uh, . 1628 01:09:40,785 --> 01:09:43,645 And when, when you, you get to the, you've gone 1629 01:09:43,645 --> 01:09:44,925 to the dark side and had the cookies, 1630 01:09:44,925 --> 01:09:45,925 you're a smart ass daddy. 1631 01:09:46,275 --> 01:09:47,275 Yeah. 1632 01:09:47,785 --> 01:09:51,725 - Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. 1633 01:09:52,385 --> 01:09:55,565 No, no, no intention whatsoever. Arranging myself, Ms. 1634 01:09:55,695 --> 01:09:59,445 Spock. So, um, mostly gonna be doing some sanding. 1635 01:10:00,555 --> 01:10:02,605 - Yeah. You're working on knives. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. 1636 01:10:02,605 --> 01:10:04,445 We're, we, were sold out knives, so I'll take some knives. 1637 01:10:04,445 --> 01:10:06,485 Yeah. Right. We're trying to have a sale, man. 1638 01:10:07,405 --> 01:10:08,885 - I need some naps. . 1639 01:10:13,355 --> 01:10:16,285 - Yeah. Uh, Kim says Kayla deserved a diet Coke . 1640 01:10:16,395 --> 01:10:18,605 Yeah. If that's Jamie's plan, she needs a way to cope 1641 01:10:18,605 --> 01:10:19,605 with tired and power tools. 1642 01:10:19,805 --> 01:10:23,645 . I, you know, My coping mechanism these days is, uh, 1643 01:10:24,065 --> 01:10:26,765 is definitely diet Coke and any crunchy food. 1644 01:10:26,885 --> 01:10:28,525 I like the crunchy. I need crunchy. 1645 01:10:28,925 --> 01:10:30,965 I mean, are those usually potato chips? Yes. 1646 01:10:31,665 --> 01:10:32,845 Did I tell myself when we went 1647 01:10:32,845 --> 01:10:34,605 to the grocery store the other day, I would like an apple. 1648 01:10:34,925 --> 01:10:38,965 'cause you bought an apple specifically for Lola. Yes. 1649 01:10:39,385 --> 01:10:41,045 And he cut it up and to have it ready 1650 01:10:41,065 --> 01:10:42,245 for whenever he wants to give her one. 1651 01:10:42,625 --> 01:10:44,965 And, uh, 'cause we're trying to give her treats 1652 01:10:44,965 --> 01:10:47,245 so she feels like she's getting treats during the day 1653 01:10:47,305 --> 01:10:51,125 and stops, like scrounging in gross, weird ways, 1654 01:10:51,465 --> 01:10:52,565 but without the calories. 1655 01:10:52,885 --> 01:10:56,685 'cause she's, we still trying to deal with her excess weight 1656 01:10:56,685 --> 01:10:57,765 that's not good for her joints. 1657 01:10:57,825 --> 01:11:01,845 But, um, so Debbie cut the apple 1658 01:11:01,905 --> 01:11:03,005 and was putting it in a container. 1659 01:11:03,045 --> 01:11:05,965 I went, oh my God, that apple looks so good. 1660 01:11:06,285 --> 01:11:07,565 , I too would like an apple. 1661 01:11:07,625 --> 01:11:09,285 And we were going to the grocery store like 1662 01:11:09,285 --> 01:11:10,325 later that day or the very 1663 01:11:10,325 --> 01:11:10,685 - Next morning. 1664 01:11:10,685 --> 01:11:11,445 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . 1665 01:11:12,065 --> 01:11:13,405 - And did I get an apple? 1666 01:11:13,585 --> 01:11:15,765 No, but did I get corn chips, pretzels 1667 01:11:15,765 --> 01:11:17,365 and potato chips? Yes. 1668 01:11:17,505 --> 01:11:18,925 - Yep. - Yes, I did. . 1669 01:11:22,395 --> 01:11:25,045 - Yeah. And that, and that's true Mr. 1670 01:11:25,215 --> 01:11:29,525 Spock, when you, uh, you know, have no intention of, 1671 01:11:29,745 --> 01:11:32,285 of doing something like that, that is when it, uh, 1672 01:11:32,785 --> 01:11:35,285 has the highest probability of happening. Oh yeah. 1673 01:11:35,945 --> 01:11:37,685 - And you're like, no, I'll be fine. Yeah. 1674 01:11:37,755 --> 01:11:39,885 Only one eye is actually open and Mm-Hmm. 1675 01:11:39,925 --> 01:11:41,325 , I'm sort of snoring in the background, 1676 01:11:41,425 --> 01:11:42,445 but Sure, sure. 1677 01:11:42,445 --> 01:11:44,725 Turn on this high powered spinning thing. Yeah, 1678 01:11:44,735 --> 01:11:45,735 - It'll be fine. 1679 01:11:45,735 --> 01:11:48,365 Well, I mean, and you know, my own defense, 1680 01:11:48,465 --> 01:11:50,605 I'm not gonna be using a table saw. 1681 01:11:50,755 --> 01:11:52,525 True. I'm not using nothing with blades. 1682 01:11:52,745 --> 01:11:54,965 Not using the big band saw. No. 1683 01:11:55,185 --> 01:11:58,285 You know, I'll be using an oscillating sander. Yeah. 1684 01:11:58,705 --> 01:12:00,725 - But still be careful. I, that's all I'm saying. I know. 1685 01:12:00,785 --> 01:12:04,285 That's all I'm saying. Um, what else is going on with us? 1686 01:12:04,475 --> 01:12:05,765 Lola is steady snoring. 1687 01:12:05,765 --> 01:12:07,805 Like she worked third shift last night, y'all. 1688 01:12:07,825 --> 01:12:10,445 - Yep. Yep. , 1689 01:12:12,005 --> 01:12:13,885 - I dunno if how well the mic picks that up. 1690 01:12:13,905 --> 01:12:15,485 Mm-Hmm. But all we did was take a pause 1691 01:12:15,505 --> 01:12:18,205 and there was a snort srk snore thing going on there. 1692 01:12:18,255 --> 01:12:20,605 Right. And we think Rosie, 1693 01:12:20,705 --> 01:12:23,165 the Roomba attacked Ella the cat today. 1694 01:12:23,165 --> 01:12:25,725 Right. I do not know what happened. 1695 01:12:26,775 --> 01:12:29,925 Rosie was running throughout the house. 1696 01:12:30,925 --> 01:12:34,765 Ella was in our bedroom. Ella made a sound like she was 1697 01:12:34,765 --> 01:12:36,685 about to kick some ass. 1698 01:12:36,825 --> 01:12:38,925 Yes. She was pissed. You could hear it in the, 1699 01:12:38,995 --> 01:12:41,205 like the meow growl thing. 1700 01:12:41,205 --> 01:12:42,685 Mm-Hmm. at first I was like, oh no. 1701 01:12:42,685 --> 01:12:44,605 Is she fighting with Onyx? No. 1702 01:12:44,875 --> 01:12:46,045 Onyx was in one 1703 01:12:46,045 --> 01:12:48,205 of the cat trees in another part of the house. 1704 01:12:48,375 --> 01:12:50,765 Heard Ella took off running towards Ella. 1705 01:12:51,005 --> 01:12:53,205 Ella came running out of the bedroom 1706 01:12:53,865 --> 01:12:55,605 and her tail, her whole body, 1707 01:12:55,605 --> 01:12:57,365 but her tail specifically was puffed up 1708 01:12:57,365 --> 01:12:59,565 to like two times the size, natural size of her tail. 1709 01:12:59,585 --> 01:13:03,125 Mm-Hmm. She was so pissed. She wouldn't let Onyx near her. 1710 01:13:03,865 --> 01:13:07,965 She would not like, let me come near her. She was pissed. 1711 01:13:08,265 --> 01:13:10,925 And the only thing I could think is that, um, 1712 01:13:11,915 --> 01:13:14,165 because of the, the way the sounds were 1713 01:13:14,165 --> 01:13:15,245 and where things were going on, 1714 01:13:15,985 --> 01:13:17,925 I'm wondering if Rosie the Roomba got her 1715 01:13:17,925 --> 01:13:18,965 tail a little bit. Right. 1716 01:13:19,755 --> 01:13:23,125 - Well, I I I do know, and, 1717 01:13:23,305 --> 01:13:25,885 and I've seen this happening a little bit over time. 1718 01:13:26,425 --> 01:13:29,405 She has been coming, been Bec ella. Mm-Hmm. 1719 01:13:29,445 --> 01:13:31,285 at any rate and has been becoming 1720 01:13:31,475 --> 01:13:33,445 more, uh, comfortable 1721 01:13:33,545 --> 01:13:34,545 - Around Rosie. 1722 01:13:34,545 --> 01:13:35,685 - Around Rosie. Mm-Hmm. . 1723 01:13:35,825 --> 01:13:37,805 Um, I've, I've caught her following. 1724 01:13:38,545 --> 01:13:39,845 See Rosie a time or two, 1725 01:13:40,135 --> 01:13:44,085 - Maybe the way a cat becomes a Roomba rider is you gotta 1726 01:13:44,085 --> 01:13:45,365 like, do some battle first. 1727 01:13:45,435 --> 01:13:46,565 Yeah. Like, you gotta learn 1728 01:13:46,565 --> 01:13:48,485 to keep your fucking tail out of the way. Right. 1729 01:13:48,515 --> 01:13:49,565 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. 1730 01:13:50,315 --> 01:13:53,045 - Yeah. When I saw her tail puffed up, I was like, 1731 01:13:53,275 --> 01:13:54,565 holy shit. 1732 01:13:55,075 --> 01:13:57,485 Yeah. And then it was probably good 20, 30 minutes later 1733 01:13:57,485 --> 01:13:59,125 before I saw her again and she was calm. 1734 01:13:59,265 --> 01:14:00,365 Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. 1735 01:14:01,185 --> 01:14:02,405 She was back down to her natural 1736 01:14:03,175 --> 01:14:04,175 - Signs. 1737 01:14:04,175 --> 01:14:07,245 . Yeah. I mean, Lola, she 1738 01:14:08,435 --> 01:14:12,725 doesn't even budge when Rosie No, no. Is doing her thing. 1739 01:14:13,165 --> 01:14:14,885 - I think she's figured out that there's no way in hell 1740 01:14:14,885 --> 01:14:16,845 Rosie is smarter than her. . 1741 01:14:16,895 --> 01:14:20,325 - She's good. She's good. That's true's good. That's true. 1742 01:14:21,225 --> 01:14:23,685 And, uh, Onyx, um, 1743 01:14:24,255 --> 01:14:26,525 she's either in her hide hole in the closet. 1744 01:14:26,825 --> 01:14:31,645 Mm-Hmm. Or she's parks herself on the bed. 1745 01:14:32,235 --> 01:14:35,485 - Yeah. - Well, out of the way. Yeah. 1746 01:14:36,745 --> 01:14:39,365 - No, she does not have time or patience for Rosie. Mm-Hmm. 1747 01:14:39,405 --> 01:14:40,605 and instead of like investigating 1748 01:14:40,625 --> 01:14:41,685 or trying to hunt it down 1749 01:14:41,985 --> 01:14:42,985 - No. 1750 01:14:42,985 --> 01:14:43,205 - She's like, I'll just stay the fuck 1751 01:14:43,205 --> 01:14:44,285 outta the way. Right. Yeah. 1752 01:14:44,635 --> 01:14:46,965 - Yeah. - Mm-Hmm. Don't start no shit. Won't be no shit. 1753 01:14:47,205 --> 01:14:50,645 I think is Annex iss, uh, a Yeah. Vibe. Mm-Hmm. 1754 01:14:50,685 --> 01:14:52,325 . Yeah. Yeah. 1755 01:14:52,625 --> 01:14:54,245 - And j just J Jay, 1756 01:14:54,315 --> 01:14:58,565 just j said sweet potato treats for the dogs too. Yeah. 1757 01:14:58,655 --> 01:15:01,325 - We've done, um, the kind of like 1758 01:15:02,845 --> 01:15:04,925 pre-made treats that have sweet potato flavor 1759 01:15:04,985 --> 01:15:06,125 and we've done dog food 1760 01:15:06,125 --> 01:15:07,885 that has sweet potato supposedly in it. 1761 01:15:07,885 --> 01:15:09,525 Mm-Hmm. . She does like that. Yeah. 1762 01:15:09,655 --> 01:15:12,525 We're doing right now. Uh, baby carrots. Mm-Hmm. 1763 01:15:12,565 --> 01:15:13,725 and apple slices. 1764 01:15:13,725 --> 01:15:14,805 - Apple slices. Mm-Hmm. And, 1765 01:15:14,825 --> 01:15:18,205 and of course the, um, occasional banana tax that has to be 1766 01:15:18,355 --> 01:15:19,355 - Paid. 1767 01:15:19,355 --> 01:15:20,885 Oh yeah. Yeah. We do not pay the cheese tax in this house 1768 01:15:20,885 --> 01:15:24,205 because we are trying to help her watch her calorie a day. 1769 01:15:24,445 --> 01:15:25,765 . Mm-Hmm. . She, 1770 01:15:26,205 --> 01:15:27,045 I mean every once in a while 1771 01:15:27,045 --> 01:15:28,285 she'll get a little piece of cheese. 1772 01:15:28,555 --> 01:15:32,085 Yeah. And that is the happiest I think I've 1773 01:15:32,085 --> 01:15:33,485 ever seen her look. 1774 01:15:33,485 --> 01:15:35,485 And the most hopeful, like if you're a slice and cheese 1775 01:15:35,485 --> 01:15:36,685 or grating cheese, she's, 1776 01:15:37,975 --> 01:15:39,725 she's looking at you. Oh yeah. She's hoping. 1777 01:15:40,505 --> 01:15:41,525 - So, um, yeah. 1778 01:15:41,575 --> 01:15:46,525 We're, we're, we're trying to do, um, more fresh, 1779 01:15:48,305 --> 01:15:51,245 you know, vegetable based snacks for her 1780 01:15:51,245 --> 01:15:52,965 that are very low on calories. 1781 01:15:53,115 --> 01:15:54,525 Yeah. Um, and, 1782 01:15:54,545 --> 01:15:57,485 and so far she's, she's doing, she seems 1783 01:15:57,485 --> 01:15:58,645 to be quite happy with it. 1784 01:15:58,645 --> 01:16:02,485 Mm-Hmm. , you know, between the, the, 1785 01:16:02,585 --> 01:16:04,045 the carrots and the apples 1786 01:16:04,545 --> 01:16:07,205 and the occasional, um, banana bite. 1787 01:16:08,055 --> 01:16:09,485 She's, you know Mm-Hmm. 1788 01:16:09,525 --> 01:16:10,725 - . Yeah. 1789 01:16:10,785 --> 01:16:13,845 The, it's been a hot minute since I did anything with fresh, 1790 01:16:14,195 --> 01:16:15,245 like broccoli. 1791 01:16:15,305 --> 01:16:17,925 But she will eat a little bit of broccoli. Yeah. 1792 01:16:18,185 --> 01:16:21,845 - She loves watermelon. Watermelon. Oh my gosh. Oh my God. 1793 01:16:22,025 --> 01:16:23,325 She loves watermelon so much. 1794 01:16:23,325 --> 01:16:26,245 - Mm-Hmm. . Um, she likes blueberries. Yeah. 1795 01:16:26,245 --> 01:16:27,485 When we have fresh blueberries, 1796 01:16:27,605 --> 01:16:28,805 I will pay the blueberry tax. 1797 01:16:28,805 --> 01:16:33,405 Mm-Hmm. . Um, so yeah, we're just, she is 1798 01:16:33,465 --> 01:16:38,045 so food driven and food focused, um, that we're, 1799 01:16:38,225 --> 01:16:40,805 but we don't give her treats during the day 1800 01:16:40,805 --> 01:16:42,485 because you know, of her weight. 1801 01:16:42,585 --> 01:16:46,805 And so we're like, we could give her these low calorie, 1802 01:16:47,225 --> 01:16:50,005 almost no calorie things that are safe for her to eat. 1803 01:16:50,345 --> 01:16:52,885 And then if we cut back on her food just a little 1804 01:16:52,905 --> 01:16:54,445 bit at mealtime Mm-Hmm. 1805 01:16:54,485 --> 01:16:55,845 , then we're putting her into more 1806 01:16:55,845 --> 01:16:56,845 of a calorie deficit, 1807 01:16:57,025 --> 01:16:59,405 but she doesn't necessarily feel deprived. 1808 01:16:59,495 --> 01:17:01,965 Right. That's our thinking anyway. Yeah. 1809 01:17:02,545 --> 01:17:05,405 - And, uh, starting to see that she has hips. 1810 01:17:06,435 --> 01:17:08,005 - Yeah. I think she's, 1811 01:17:08,175 --> 01:17:10,685 she's a lot like many women who hit middle age. 1812 01:17:10,795 --> 01:17:13,085 It's all around her middle. Like her hips are fine. 1813 01:17:13,325 --> 01:17:16,005 - . Yeah. - She's, she is, uh, 1814 01:17:17,475 --> 01:17:19,965 like her mom barrel wasted at this point. 1815 01:17:20,175 --> 01:17:21,925 She's stout. She's stout . 1816 01:17:22,045 --> 01:17:26,525 I, I feel that, I feel that real hard. Yeah. So I 1817 01:17:26,525 --> 01:17:27,525 - Can't talk either. 1818 01:17:28,505 --> 01:17:32,485 - You know, it, years ago it was when I first started 1819 01:17:32,485 --> 01:17:34,885 working for myself and I was in my phase of listening 1820 01:17:34,885 --> 01:17:36,365 to people I respected 1821 01:17:36,365 --> 01:17:38,525 and thought like, might make some good sense, 1822 01:17:38,785 --> 01:17:40,965 but it was about the whole entrepreneur life kind of thing. 1823 01:17:41,185 --> 01:17:43,445 And in that context, the person was talking about when 1824 01:17:43,445 --> 01:17:44,445 you're building your business 1825 01:17:44,545 --> 01:17:45,685 and trying to grow it so 1826 01:17:45,685 --> 01:17:47,805 that it's an income you can live on or whatever, whatever. 1827 01:17:48,395 --> 01:17:50,165 He's like, I think he said he got 1828 01:17:50,165 --> 01:17:51,285 the theory from somebody else. 1829 01:17:51,385 --> 01:17:53,405 So it's not this guy's theory, it was somebody else's, 1830 01:17:53,405 --> 01:17:54,805 but I can't remember who he said. 1831 01:17:54,805 --> 01:17:56,525 Basically, there's certain times 1832 01:17:56,785 --> 01:17:59,885 of your life when you're at like your busiest 1833 01:17:59,885 --> 01:18:01,405 or you're like you're grinding it out 1834 01:18:01,405 --> 01:18:04,605 or whatever he might be, you know, you have your family, 1835 01:18:04,915 --> 01:18:08,245 friends, your work life and your health. 1836 01:18:08,705 --> 01:18:11,885 And of those three things, his contention was 1837 01:18:12,465 --> 01:18:13,925 at peak like performance. 1838 01:18:13,925 --> 01:18:15,645 Like you've gotta be like really focused on stuff. 1839 01:18:15,945 --> 01:18:18,685 You can only focus on two of those three at a time. 1840 01:18:19,425 --> 01:18:23,485 And that feels right in my brain. 1841 01:18:23,755 --> 01:18:25,325 It's fine if others disagree. 1842 01:18:26,225 --> 01:18:28,405 And so that actually helps alleviate a lot of guilt 1843 01:18:28,425 --> 01:18:31,565 for me when I'm like, you know, I do, I do a lot of the, 1844 01:18:32,025 --> 01:18:33,925 you should be doing this, you should be doing that. 1845 01:18:33,925 --> 01:18:37,045 That's a lot of my, you know, internal self-talk. Mm-Hmm. 1846 01:18:37,085 --> 01:18:38,805 , regardless of what therapy taught me about 1847 01:18:38,805 --> 01:18:39,845 should all over myself. 1848 01:18:40,505 --> 01:18:42,925 And, um, you know, when I'm down on myself 1849 01:18:42,925 --> 01:18:46,165 for not doing more to take care of my health to, you know, 1850 01:18:46,445 --> 01:18:49,885 exercise more, to eat better, to like put the amount of time 1851 01:18:49,905 --> 01:18:52,885 and energy that goes into actively trying 1852 01:18:52,885 --> 01:18:54,325 to change your body in some way 1853 01:18:54,325 --> 01:18:56,965 or change your whole lifestyle around Yeah. 1854 01:18:57,035 --> 01:18:58,165 Food and activity. 1855 01:18:59,765 --> 01:19:02,845 I sometimes you'll say it's a cop out, but I don't think so. 1856 01:19:02,905 --> 01:19:04,525 I'm like, no, my, the thing 1857 01:19:04,525 --> 01:19:06,165 that's got all my focus right now is work. 1858 01:19:06,365 --> 01:19:07,405 'cause I like to pay the mortgage 1859 01:19:07,865 --> 01:19:10,885 and um, family right now 'cause of health stuff. 1860 01:19:10,905 --> 01:19:13,845 And it's like there will come a time when these things will 1861 01:19:13,845 --> 01:19:14,885 not be my top priority 1862 01:19:14,905 --> 01:19:17,765 and then I can put the focus 1863 01:19:18,475 --> 01:19:20,405 into health in a different way. 1864 01:19:20,865 --> 01:19:22,405 Um, because it's not to say 1865 01:19:22,405 --> 01:19:24,725 that I'm not focusing on it doesn't mean I'm ignoring it 1866 01:19:24,745 --> 01:19:26,445 and just doing dumb shit. 1867 01:19:26,595 --> 01:19:29,765 It's more like I'm doing my best to just maintain 1868 01:19:29,945 --> 01:19:31,485 so I don't fall apart completely. 1869 01:19:32,225 --> 01:19:36,125 But I think it's, you know, for anybody who doesn't, 1870 01:19:36,545 --> 01:19:38,525 you know, maybe doesn't, hasn't thought about it this way, 1871 01:19:39,925 --> 01:19:41,805 deciding to change what you eat and how you eat 1872 01:19:41,825 --> 01:19:43,365 and when you move and how you move 1873 01:19:43,365 --> 01:19:47,045 and to focus on that, that requires energy and effort. 1874 01:19:47,045 --> 01:19:48,205 And anybody who says it doesn't 1875 01:19:48,205 --> 01:19:50,045 to me is probably full of fucking shit. 1876 01:19:50,065 --> 01:19:52,405 Or your life is just charmed is all I'm saying. . 1877 01:19:52,785 --> 01:19:57,165 So, so only so much to go around. 1878 01:19:57,425 --> 01:19:58,765 And so that's Mm-Hmm. that's sort of 1879 01:19:58,765 --> 01:20:01,685 how I like, make myself feel better about that 1880 01:20:01,685 --> 01:20:04,325 because I go back to the times when I did put the energy 1881 01:20:04,345 --> 01:20:06,125 and time into what I ate 1882 01:20:06,125 --> 01:20:08,070 and how often I worked, worked out and how it worked out. 1883 01:20:08,070 --> 01:20:10,285 Mm-Hmm. it took up a lot of time. 1884 01:20:10,595 --> 01:20:13,205 Like that was my hobby for like Mm-Hmm. years. 1885 01:20:13,435 --> 01:20:16,205 Yeah. And I spent hours a day in some way on it. 1886 01:20:16,225 --> 01:20:18,205 And it's like I, who's got that kind 1887 01:20:18,205 --> 01:20:19,565 of fucking time right now? . 1888 01:20:19,795 --> 01:20:24,085 - Yeah. - So, but 1889 01:20:25,125 --> 01:20:26,125 - Hmm. 1890 01:20:26,125 --> 01:20:30,365 - Yeah. Um, I dunno that I've got anything else. Yeah. Yeah. 1891 01:20:30,505 --> 01:20:33,365 The, the part of the problem is, is the stuff that is like 1892 01:20:33,905 --> 01:20:36,725 top of mind for both of us is stuff that we just have chosen 1893 01:20:37,065 --> 01:20:38,485 to not speak about Yeah. 1894 01:20:38,765 --> 01:20:40,085 Publicly and put on the internet. That's 1895 01:20:40,085 --> 01:20:41,365 just one of our boundaries. 1896 01:20:41,365 --> 01:20:43,085 So it's like, yeah. I guess I got nothing to talk about. 1897 01:20:43,105 --> 01:20:45,445 And in my brain I'm like, oh, I got stuff 1898 01:20:45,845 --> 01:20:46,845 - . 1899 01:20:48,035 --> 01:20:50,405 - Yeah. I'm just not here. . Right. Right. 1900 01:20:50,635 --> 01:20:51,965 It's not for public consumption. 1901 01:20:52,605 --> 01:20:56,645 - . Yeah. 1902 01:20:57,185 --> 01:20:59,605 - So unless you have something else that's on your mind, 1903 01:21:00,085 --> 01:21:02,325 I guess we can, I think we're, we can be done. 1904 01:21:02,555 --> 01:21:04,525 - Yeah. - Uh, good news. 1905 01:21:04,595 --> 01:21:07,685 When we were recording stuff earlier today, we did record 1906 01:21:07,755 --> 01:21:09,685 with, uh, our mics functioning . 1907 01:21:09,685 --> 01:21:11,605 Yes. So there will be for YouTube folks. 1908 01:21:11,605 --> 01:21:13,045 There will be a video next 1909 01:21:13,045 --> 01:21:14,045 - Monday. 1910 01:21:14,265 --> 01:21:18,045 Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Yeah. 1911 01:21:18,355 --> 01:21:20,925 - Well we got it right this time, . Okay. 1912 01:21:21,095 --> 01:21:22,605 We're gonna go. Thanks 1913 01:21:22,625 --> 01:21:23,565 for sticking with us 1914 01:21:23,565 --> 01:21:24,485 to the bitter end. Mm-Hmm. , 1915 01:21:24,705 --> 01:21:25,925 - Thanks for hanging out with us. 1916 01:21:25,935 --> 01:21:27,445 - We're grateful for all of y'all. Mm-Hmm. . 1917 01:21:27,905 --> 01:21:30,325 Um, we'll talk to y'all later. Mm-Hmm. 1918 01:21:30,365 --> 01:21:31,325 - . Bye. Bye.