1 00:00:10,905 --> 00:00:12,565 - You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, 2 00:00:12,635 --> 00:00:14,045 episode 3 78. 3 00:00:14,075 --> 00:00:16,085 Okay. The Lord's here with the one, the only, the, 4 00:00:17,165 --> 00:00:18,645 I don't even know what to say, but I know. 5 00:00:18,725 --> 00:00:20,885 I love you, John Brownstone. . 6 00:00:22,205 --> 00:00:23,285 - I love you too, baby girl. 7 00:00:24,235 --> 00:00:25,445 - Okay. That's it. That's all. 8 00:00:25,445 --> 00:00:29,805 We're done here Now, , uh, this week, uh, 9 00:00:29,805 --> 00:00:31,685 before we go on our holiday break, 10 00:00:31,705 --> 00:00:34,765 of which we can't stop talking about for many reasons, one, 11 00:00:35,145 --> 00:00:36,885 I'm excited to just take some time away. 12 00:00:37,225 --> 00:00:38,765 Two, uh, I know 13 00:00:38,765 --> 00:00:41,445 that some people in our audience are a little bit like me, 14 00:00:41,445 --> 00:00:43,485 and they like to feel prepared when things change, 15 00:00:43,545 --> 00:00:45,605 and I'm just trying to prepare you, so there you go. 16 00:00:45,865 --> 00:00:47,845 Anyway, before I go on our holiday break, 17 00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:50,605 we're gonna get a little, maybe I can't promise anything, 18 00:00:50,625 --> 00:00:52,565 but maybe a little ranty 19 00:00:52,875 --> 00:00:55,365 with A-B-D-S-M Reddit response Uhoh episode. 20 00:00:55,635 --> 00:00:57,805 Well, I, I mean, I picked the, the ones, 21 00:00:57,865 --> 00:01:00,885 and at least one kind of made my ears red 22 00:01:01,105 --> 00:01:02,925 and made my neck get hot. 23 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,085 So that tells me I'm my 24 00:01:04,085 --> 00:01:05,045 blood pressure throwing up a little bit. 25 00:01:05,105 --> 00:01:08,165 So, oh, boy. I don't, I don't know what will happen, but 26 00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:09,535 - Could be anything. 27 00:01:09,535 --> 00:01:11,765 - Could be anything. Mm. - Welcome 28 00:01:11,765 --> 00:01:13,045 - To the Living BDSM podcast. 29 00:01:13,225 --> 00:01:15,045 If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. 30 00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:16,685 If you're back for another week, welcome back. 31 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,605 Loving BDSM is produced every Friday 32 00:01:18,705 --> 00:01:20,725 and Monday for your kinky pleasure in education. 33 00:01:20,725 --> 00:01:23,325 And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 34 00:01:23,635 --> 00:01:25,365 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast 35 00:01:25,505 --> 00:01:26,805 to your favorite podcast app. 36 00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:30,245 You can also follow the show on FetLife at Loving BDSM pc, 37 00:01:30,265 --> 00:01:31,405 the PCs Dance for podcast. 38 00:01:31,535 --> 00:01:34,765 Y'all on Instagram and technically threads at that handle. 39 00:01:34,925 --> 00:01:38,085 I will Forever fucking Hate Loving DSS and the number one. 40 00:01:38,085 --> 00:01:39,725 So that's at Loving DSS one, 41 00:01:40,025 --> 00:01:43,125 or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, 42 00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:44,245 where you can watch us live stream the 43 00:01:44,245 --> 00:01:45,445 podcast every Wednesday. 44 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:47,005 All links are in the show notes. 45 00:01:47,405 --> 00:01:49,805 A big thanks as always, to our Kiki patrons over on Patreon, 46 00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:50,965 including our newest peeps. 47 00:01:51,225 --> 00:01:54,885 Uh, we're able to keep doing this and being this 48 00:01:54,885 --> 00:01:58,285 and whatever this is to in large part, 49 00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:00,605 to our kinky community over on Patreon. 50 00:02:01,465 --> 00:02:04,045 And we are grateful for every fucking one of you. 51 00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,325 - We are, we are, we are. 52 00:02:05,705 --> 00:02:08,005 - I'm really genuinely not sure what we'd do. 53 00:02:09,035 --> 00:02:10,205 That part of the community. 54 00:02:10,945 --> 00:02:12,685 If you'd like to join our Kee community 55 00:02:12,685 --> 00:02:14,165 and get access to extra content 56 00:02:14,265 --> 00:02:16,245 and a Discord server with a group of super cool, 57 00:02:16,245 --> 00:02:17,685 super nice Ks, you can do that. 58 00:02:17,835 --> 00:02:20,525 Just join us at patreon.com/kayla lords, 59 00:02:20,525 --> 00:02:23,925 that's patreon.com/kayla lords, 60 00:02:23,945 --> 00:02:25,285 or use the link in the show notes. 61 00:02:25,715 --> 00:02:29,405 Okay. Before we get started on potential rants, 62 00:02:29,605 --> 00:02:31,125 I can't promise anything, but whatever. 63 00:02:31,745 --> 00:02:35,125 Um, , I have 85 million announcements. 64 00:02:35,485 --> 00:02:38,445 , first of all, uh, Friday, 65 00:02:38,805 --> 00:02:40,445 December 15th for YouTube folks. 66 00:02:40,465 --> 00:02:41,485 That's the Friday 67 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:45,365 after this video is available for podcast listeners. 68 00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:47,525 It's the day this podcast goes live. 69 00:02:48,105 --> 00:02:49,925 Uh, we are doing our monthly 70 00:02:50,475 --> 00:02:53,525 YouTube evening live stream at 9:30 PM Eastern. 71 00:02:53,745 --> 00:02:55,525 It is a demos for dollars. 72 00:02:55,745 --> 00:02:58,325 If you pay for Super chats, you get to direct 73 00:02:58,665 --> 00:03:01,645 to a certain extent what I get hit with . 74 00:03:02,385 --> 00:03:05,645 Um, X who I'm not sure is here for the live stream, 75 00:03:05,645 --> 00:03:06,925 but I know will be around it at some point. 76 00:03:07,345 --> 00:03:09,485 And I think Andre have already 77 00:03:09,755 --> 00:03:11,405 prepaid . Mm-Hmm. 78 00:03:11,445 --> 00:03:12,445 - . Mm-Hmm. , 79 00:03:12,705 --> 00:03:15,725 - Um, - E they, they waste no time. Right. 80 00:03:15,725 --> 00:03:17,565 - And I have been told from people 81 00:03:17,585 --> 00:03:19,685 who were just witnessing it, um, 82 00:03:20,035 --> 00:03:21,405 that it was a good time for them too. 83 00:03:21,465 --> 00:03:22,685 So like, don't, like, if you 84 00:03:22,685 --> 00:03:23,885 don't have any money, it's fine. 85 00:03:24,565 --> 00:03:26,885 A apparently watching me get hit with things is, 86 00:03:27,025 --> 00:03:28,845 is entertainment for, for somebody else. 87 00:03:29,225 --> 00:03:30,485 So that's what we're doing. 88 00:03:30,545 --> 00:03:33,045 - Should it should feed the exhibitionist in you as well? 89 00:03:33,185 --> 00:03:35,125 - It does. It does. But see, now I know what 90 00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:36,765 to expect based on last time, 91 00:03:36,785 --> 00:03:38,645 and I'm a little nervous, uh, . 92 00:03:38,825 --> 00:03:42,205 So 9:30 PM Eastern, uh, 93 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,965 on Friday, December 15th. Yeah. 94 00:03:43,965 --> 00:03:46,605 - I, I need to pick some, uh, stuff out for that, don't I? 95 00:03:46,915 --> 00:03:48,645 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. 96 00:03:48,865 --> 00:03:50,965 And it needs to be something that, that you can easily like 97 00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,485 on camera kind of situation. 98 00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:55,565 Yeah. So no vloggers 99 00:03:55,565 --> 00:03:56,845 or anything that, that won't really work. 100 00:03:57,105 --> 00:04:00,125 No. No. Um, anyway, next, uh, next announcement. 101 00:04:01,505 --> 00:04:05,325 We, uh, will be vending 102 00:04:05,385 --> 00:04:08,085 as the kry at an event in Gainesville, 103 00:04:08,085 --> 00:04:09,245 Florida, December 30th. 104 00:04:09,245 --> 00:04:11,125 That's the Saturday before New Year's Eve. 105 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,325 It's New Year's Eve Eve, uh, 106 00:04:13,465 --> 00:04:16,205 at a party called the Naughty New Year Masquerade. 107 00:04:16,665 --> 00:04:18,645 Uh, that is a ticketed event 'cause it's a party. 108 00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,725 Um, we're gonna sell our Hitty thing 109 00:04:20,745 --> 00:04:22,805 so people can like buy a Hitty thing 110 00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:23,885 and go use a Hitty thing. 111 00:04:23,885 --> 00:04:24,805 Mm-Hmm. . And that just seems 112 00:04:24,805 --> 00:04:25,765 Mm-Hmm, good to us. 113 00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,245 Uh, for YouTube folks. I'm not linking to 114 00:04:28,245 --> 00:04:29,565 that Fe Life event , 115 00:04:29,565 --> 00:04:30,725 because I don't want YouTube 116 00:04:31,025 --> 00:04:32,805 to put us in a fucking quarter again. 117 00:04:33,225 --> 00:04:37,325 Um, if you go to Fe Life and search Subspace events, 118 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:40,605 or Naughty New Year Masquerade Party. 119 00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:41,685 Mm-Hmm. . It's in 120 00:04:41,685 --> 00:04:42,805 Gainesville, Florida, you'll find it. 121 00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:45,165 - Or you could just go to the Kry site on FET 122 00:04:45,225 --> 00:04:47,565 and you'll see that we've, we are Sure. Sure. 123 00:04:48,235 --> 00:04:50,605 - Yeah. But it, we're not the Kry on life. 124 00:04:50,655 --> 00:04:52,245 We're the Kry shop. . 125 00:04:52,275 --> 00:04:55,285 - Okay. Well, - It gets confusing. I know. 126 00:04:55,745 --> 00:04:59,005 Um, but for podcast listeners, it'll be in the show notes 127 00:04:59,745 --> 00:05:00,325 - For Friday. There you, 128 00:05:00,325 --> 00:05:01,325 - So there you go. 129 00:05:01,325 --> 00:05:02,885 We'll link directly to it. Woo. Um, we're excited. 130 00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:06,765 I, Mm-Hmm. We've ne I This is a, is this a brand new event? 131 00:05:07,565 --> 00:05:08,565 A first time party? 132 00:05:08,825 --> 00:05:12,525 - Um, it's not the first time they've started doing them, 133 00:05:12,705 --> 00:05:13,765 but they are hoping to 134 00:05:14,225 --> 00:05:16,605 - Do more of them, - Build enough following 135 00:05:16,675 --> 00:05:18,245 that it's worked for them to do more. 136 00:05:18,265 --> 00:05:20,605 Gotcha. And, um, they're kind of looking forward 137 00:05:20,605 --> 00:05:24,205 because, you know, previously from 138 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:28,125 the Ocala Gainesville area, you know, it's a trip either 139 00:05:28,145 --> 00:05:30,445 to Orlando or Tampa to Tampa Bay. 140 00:05:30,445 --> 00:05:32,725 Tampa Tampa. Mm-Hmm. , Tampa Bay, you know, to, 141 00:05:32,785 --> 00:05:34,645 um, really do anything. 142 00:05:34,785 --> 00:05:37,485 And, you know, they're looking to try 143 00:05:37,485 --> 00:05:41,565 and bring something, uh, a little more, um, 144 00:05:42,815 --> 00:05:46,765 - Local, - Local to the, you know, and regular Sure. 145 00:05:47,105 --> 00:05:48,485 To the, to the community here. 146 00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:50,645 - We've never done a vending thing at a party, 147 00:05:50,705 --> 00:05:52,085 so this'll be interesting. 148 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,525 Mm-Hmm. . Um, of course, when it was presented 149 00:05:54,525 --> 00:05:56,005 to us and offered us, we were like, yeah, sure. 150 00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,645 And I moved on with my life. We had other things going on. 151 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,685 And then when I went to like, go start grabbing information 152 00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:04,165 so we could share with any, any of our Florida peeps 153 00:06:04,185 --> 00:06:05,365 who might wanna go to such a thing, 154 00:06:05,885 --> 00:06:07,445 I finally like, paid attention. 155 00:06:07,565 --> 00:06:09,565 I was like, oh my God, I might be too old for this 156 00:06:09,715 --> 00:06:12,325 because the party is from 8:00 PM to 1:00 AM . 157 00:06:12,825 --> 00:06:17,325 And I was like, oh, I will definitely be drinking lots 158 00:06:17,325 --> 00:06:21,085 of coffee during the day, and an effort to maybe stay awake. 159 00:06:21,505 --> 00:06:23,405 I'm hoping the adrenaline gets me through. 160 00:06:23,625 --> 00:06:25,445 - And then during the day, there's that day 161 00:06:25,465 --> 00:06:26,485 of, there's a munch. 162 00:06:26,985 --> 00:06:28,365 - Yes. That was very lovely for them. 163 00:06:28,765 --> 00:06:32,085 , I'm gonna, I'm gonna need to, to, uh, take a nap. 164 00:06:32,745 --> 00:06:35,325 Um, next announcement. 165 00:06:35,435 --> 00:06:36,605 I've said it 10 million times, 166 00:06:36,825 --> 00:06:38,645 but I like to keep saying it 167 00:06:38,645 --> 00:06:39,965 for those who might not catch it. 168 00:06:39,965 --> 00:06:41,365 Mm-Hmm. the first 10 million times, 169 00:06:41,425 --> 00:06:43,725 and maybe they'll hear it on the 10 million in once, once. 170 00:06:44,095 --> 00:06:45,885 First time I just made. 171 00:06:48,465 --> 00:06:53,445 - Wow. - If I don't 172 00:06:53,445 --> 00:06:55,165 get a break soon, I'm clearly gonna crack 173 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,205 more than I've already cracked. 174 00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:59,445 Um, but no, I know for people who are like me 175 00:06:59,445 --> 00:07:00,965 and like, are very routine oriented, 176 00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:03,285 it throws people off when like, our schedule changes. 177 00:07:03,385 --> 00:07:05,365 So I'm just trying to give plenty of warning , 178 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:06,685 if you are annoyed by it, 179 00:07:06,745 --> 00:07:08,765 be glad you don't need all of the warning. 180 00:07:09,185 --> 00:07:12,685 Anyway, uh, , we're going on break for two weeks. 181 00:07:12,685 --> 00:07:13,805 We're actually gonna make it a break. 182 00:07:14,425 --> 00:07:17,965 So there will be a video slash podcast episode on Monday. 183 00:07:18,715 --> 00:07:20,645 Lola is howling in, in the living room. 184 00:07:21,145 --> 00:07:23,285 Um, but then after that, there's basically nothing. 185 00:07:23,285 --> 00:07:26,565 We won't live stream. Um, we won't have a podcast episode. 186 00:07:26,565 --> 00:07:27,885 We won't put the newsletter out. 187 00:07:29,145 --> 00:07:33,925 Um, basically if you are a member of our Patreon, um, 188 00:07:33,925 --> 00:07:36,365 and you're in our discord, you can, you can get, 189 00:07:36,465 --> 00:07:39,005 you can reach us, but, and the kry will be open. 190 00:07:39,105 --> 00:07:42,005 We will still be kind of working there as well. Yeah. 191 00:07:42,065 --> 00:07:43,325 But o otherwise, we're, 192 00:07:43,325 --> 00:07:45,565 and I'm actually trying to take a break for the first year, 193 00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:48,565 and I don't know how long I asked jb I was like, you know 194 00:07:48,565 --> 00:07:51,525 how normally we'd spend our quote, break our vacation or, 195 00:07:51,585 --> 00:07:54,245 or whatever we wanna call it, planning 2024. 196 00:07:54,365 --> 00:07:56,205 I don't wanna do that. I wanna come back the first week 197 00:07:56,205 --> 00:07:57,525 of January and then plan 198 00:07:57,525 --> 00:07:58,525 - 2024. 199 00:07:58,525 --> 00:08:00,725 And I was like, yeah, okay. . 200 00:08:00,835 --> 00:08:03,125 - Yeah. I wanna just sit still 201 00:08:03,125 --> 00:08:05,565 and mindlessly scroll mindlessly, do anything, 202 00:08:06,095 --> 00:08:08,445 sleep, watch tv. 203 00:08:08,645 --> 00:08:09,645 I don't know what I want to do. Right? 204 00:08:09,805 --> 00:08:10,885 I can't even imagine it. But that's what 205 00:08:10,885 --> 00:08:11,885 - We're doing. 206 00:08:11,885 --> 00:08:13,485 I, I, I told Kayla, I said, once, 207 00:08:13,555 --> 00:08:14,805 once, we're officially on break. 208 00:08:15,505 --> 00:08:16,505 No more alarm clock. 209 00:08:18,345 --> 00:08:21,925 - Mm-Hmm. . I don't, I use an alarm clock. 210 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,245 'cause my paranoid brain is like, 211 00:08:23,245 --> 00:08:24,805 what if this is the one time you don't wake up 212 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,685 before the sun comes up? 213 00:08:27,065 --> 00:08:28,925 But, uh, I wake, I wake up 214 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:31,405 because my, I have a, some sort of shoulder, 215 00:08:31,585 --> 00:08:32,845 arm neck thing going on, 216 00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:36,565 and my numb hands wake me up every morning 217 00:08:37,385 --> 00:08:38,765 before six o'clock in the morning. 218 00:08:38,945 --> 00:08:43,565 So it's fine. So 219 00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:45,605 - It's on the 21 220 00:08:46,765 --> 00:08:50,325 - silent, silent us coming in for the wind 221 00:08:50,325 --> 00:08:53,005 that there will be no stream on the 21, right? 222 00:08:53,005 --> 00:08:56,165 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh God. 223 00:08:56,305 --> 00:08:58,725 We hadn't even gotten started . 224 00:08:58,725 --> 00:09:00,685 And it's already off the fucking rails. 225 00:09:00,925 --> 00:09:04,765 and I, this one is for the, for the folks 226 00:09:04,905 --> 00:09:07,485 who clearly like us on some level, 227 00:09:07,485 --> 00:09:09,885 because we're, I'm not even trying to be helpful. 228 00:09:10,105 --> 00:09:11,565 I'm just gonna be my goofy ass fucking 229 00:09:11,565 --> 00:09:13,245 self more so than usual. 230 00:09:13,565 --> 00:09:15,925 I know. I'm always my goofy ass, but you know what I mean. 231 00:09:16,545 --> 00:09:21,125 Uh, so, okay. 232 00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:26,405 Okay. We're gonna get into this. Oh, 233 00:09:26,595 --> 00:09:28,085 - What are we getting into here? 234 00:09:28,365 --> 00:09:32,805 - . So we have, uh, one from the BDSM. 235 00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:35,085 Am I the asshole subreddit? Mm-Hmm. 236 00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,245 , I beg of you. 237 00:09:36,265 --> 00:09:39,925 If you have some fucked up situations, either personally 238 00:09:40,345 --> 00:09:42,645 or from sters, you know, um, 239 00:09:42,835 --> 00:09:44,485 that would be like a, am I the asshole? 240 00:09:44,545 --> 00:09:47,165 Please post in it. This is, I, I want this subreddit 241 00:09:47,165 --> 00:09:49,445 to thrive and not just 'cause our friend rah rah is the one 242 00:09:49,445 --> 00:09:50,445 who like runs it and all that. 243 00:09:50,525 --> 00:09:53,645 I mean, yes. But also I love answering 244 00:09:53,645 --> 00:09:55,045 these questions, uh, . 245 00:09:55,425 --> 00:09:58,765 So for this, we, this time we have one from that subreddit, 246 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,445 and then the rest are from the BDSM advice subreddit. 247 00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:05,965 Uh, we are gonna get started with the one from the, 248 00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:07,725 am I the asshole? 249 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:10,165 Here we go. All right. 250 00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:11,325 And now this is where I have 251 00:10:11,325 --> 00:10:13,365 to lean weirdly towards the screen. 252 00:10:13,365 --> 00:10:14,885 That makes me look funky in the camera. 253 00:10:15,205 --> 00:10:17,365 'cause I got old people glasses. Okay. 254 00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:23,045 Uh, I'm a 32 kinky female dating a 31-year-old vanilla male. 255 00:10:23,295 --> 00:10:26,045 Prior to our relationship, I was more active on FET life 256 00:10:26,065 --> 00:10:28,525 and posted pictures of self ties and marks 257 00:10:28,525 --> 00:10:30,245 and bruises from impact play scenes. 258 00:10:30,845 --> 00:10:32,845 I have tagged play partners in some of my photos, 259 00:10:32,845 --> 00:10:34,205 thanking them for great scenes. 260 00:10:34,705 --> 00:10:36,765 My posts have always been described as tasteful, 261 00:10:36,765 --> 00:10:38,365 and I have never just showed everything. 262 00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:42,005 All of my quote body photos are also set to friends only. 263 00:10:42,105 --> 00:10:44,245 So only people I've met and vetted can see them. 264 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,645 Since we started dating four months ago, I have not seen 265 00:10:47,745 --> 00:10:50,285 or posted any pictures of my body to my account. 266 00:10:50,805 --> 00:10:52,565 I mentioned in passing that there were pictures 267 00:10:52,565 --> 00:10:54,725 of me online, but I didn't explicitly state 268 00:10:54,725 --> 00:10:56,165 what they were or show them to him. 269 00:10:57,235 --> 00:10:59,005 This past weekend, he joined FetLife 270 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,445 and saw my account for the first time. 271 00:11:00,995 --> 00:11:03,605 When he was signing up, I warned him he might see some 272 00:11:03,605 --> 00:11:05,725 things he might not like now. 273 00:11:05,745 --> 00:11:08,325 He says he is hurt because I kept this from him. 274 00:11:08,705 --> 00:11:11,285 He calls the comments on my pictures disgusting. 275 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:13,645 And the pictures themselves scandalous. 276 00:11:14,025 --> 00:11:15,405 He feels like I deceived him 277 00:11:15,405 --> 00:11:17,085 by withholding this information about my 278 00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:18,165 past online activity. 279 00:11:18,805 --> 00:11:20,885 I feel like I am entitled to my privacy about this 280 00:11:20,885 --> 00:11:22,085 and that he is judging me 281 00:11:22,085 --> 00:11:24,085 for posting pictures of myself online. 282 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,405 Am I the asshole for not telling him about my fe life 283 00:11:27,405 --> 00:11:28,685 profile and its contents? 284 00:11:28,915 --> 00:11:32,165 Even after being together four months for context, 285 00:11:32,605 --> 00:11:34,685 I have been open with him about being kinky 286 00:11:34,685 --> 00:11:37,445 and in my local community from day one, he has tried to go 287 00:11:37,445 --> 00:11:39,445 to munches and events with me, including a dungeon 288 00:11:39,545 --> 00:11:42,165 and to do light activities like spanking during sex 289 00:11:42,185 --> 00:11:43,205 and some rope bondage. 290 00:11:43,345 --> 00:11:45,885 But he has also told me he has no interest in kink. 291 00:11:46,445 --> 00:11:48,565 I also found out after the fact that he had problems 292 00:11:48,565 --> 00:11:50,285 with activities going on at these events. 293 00:11:50,825 --> 00:11:52,285 He has met my friends in the community 294 00:11:52,285 --> 00:11:54,165 and liked them until he read some 295 00:11:54,165 --> 00:11:55,405 of their comments on my pictures. 296 00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:57,125 And now he has a problem with some 297 00:11:57,125 --> 00:11:58,205 of the men in the community. 298 00:11:58,665 --> 00:12:00,565 He asked me to tell my last play partner 299 00:12:00,745 --> 00:12:02,725 to never ever contact me again. 300 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,885 He did take the BDSM test 301 00:12:04,885 --> 00:12:07,085 and his results were a hundred percent vanilla. 302 00:12:07,625 --> 00:12:09,765 We have tried doing a yes no maybe list together, 303 00:12:09,765 --> 00:12:12,525 but most of his responses were, that's intense. 304 00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:14,565 Yeah, sure. Or absolutely not. 305 00:12:15,095 --> 00:12:17,245 We've talked about me going to the dungeon again, 306 00:12:17,265 --> 00:12:19,445 but I would not be allowed to play with any men 307 00:12:19,465 --> 00:12:20,925 and I would have to check in with him. 308 00:12:21,605 --> 00:12:23,805 I also shared a book with him about mixed 309 00:12:24,045 --> 00:12:25,205 kinky vanilla relationships. 310 00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:27,045 The title they mentioned, 311 00:12:27,045 --> 00:12:28,085 and this is actually the wrong one. 312 00:12:28,085 --> 00:12:29,885 Mm-Hmm. . It was another book, but they tried 313 00:12:30,005 --> 00:12:32,045 to give them a resource, not sure 314 00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:33,365 about Okay, blah, blah, blah. 315 00:12:33,365 --> 00:12:36,645 And his first response was to ask if the book quote told me 316 00:12:36,645 --> 00:12:39,485 to leave him, there are also some other non kink 317 00:12:39,485 --> 00:12:40,845 issues I need to address with him. 318 00:12:41,005 --> 00:12:43,005 I feel like this relationship is nearing its end, 319 00:12:43,005 --> 00:12:46,085 but I want to give it and him the opportunity it deserves. 320 00:12:46,505 --> 00:12:49,645 Why, why he has kink shamed you 321 00:12:49,705 --> 00:12:52,325 and tried to control access to your kink friends. 322 00:12:52,475 --> 00:12:55,285 - Exactly. - Why are we giving him a chance at this 323 00:12:55,285 --> 00:12:56,285 - Point? 324 00:12:56,285 --> 00:12:59,325 Yeah. Um, you know, 325 00:13:00,675 --> 00:13:03,405 it's, it's a, it's a fine line. 326 00:13:03,725 --> 00:13:05,965 I mean, when you meet somebody 327 00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:08,565 and you're dating, especially somebody who 328 00:13:10,465 --> 00:13:14,645 is not kinky or, or part of the, the kink lifestyle. 329 00:13:14,815 --> 00:13:19,005 Right. You know, um, yeah. 330 00:13:19,005 --> 00:13:20,365 That's not something you would just 331 00:13:20,395 --> 00:13:21,645 roll out on the first date. 332 00:13:22,145 --> 00:13:25,245 - No. And I mean, with felt life, it's not, I mean, yes, 333 00:13:25,245 --> 00:13:26,925 there are people who could see it, but Mm-Hmm. 334 00:13:26,965 --> 00:13:29,125 you, it's a, it's a, you have 335 00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,645 to have an account, you have to like Sure. 336 00:13:30,645 --> 00:13:31,845 It's not quote just anybody. 337 00:13:32,025 --> 00:13:35,085 And even if it was, it's her fucking body 338 00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:36,245 and pictures and kink. 339 00:13:36,385 --> 00:13:38,365 Yes. You can do that if that's 340 00:13:39,075 --> 00:13:40,075 - Correct. 341 00:13:40,225 --> 00:13:44,085 Um, yeah. You know, 342 00:13:47,615 --> 00:13:49,055 - I feel like it's just an incompatibility 343 00:13:49,055 --> 00:13:52,895 because it's, it's, it's fine to be vanilla, it's fine 344 00:13:52,895 --> 00:13:54,095 to be a hundred percent vanilla. 345 00:13:54,095 --> 00:13:55,255 There's nothing fucking wrong with that. 346 00:13:55,715 --> 00:13:57,855 But this is a person who is claiming, 347 00:13:58,015 --> 00:13:59,095 I guess, to care for this person. 348 00:13:59,095 --> 00:14:00,215 Mm-Hmm. , they've been together four months, 349 00:14:00,475 --> 00:14:04,295 but also wants, uh, kink shames and Mm-Hmm. 350 00:14:04,295 --> 00:14:05,655 Basically goes Ooh, gross. Absolutely. Yeah. 351 00:14:06,035 --> 00:14:08,135 Um, likes somebody that he meets 352 00:14:08,425 --> 00:14:11,335 until he realizes basically they're kinky 353 00:14:11,435 --> 00:14:13,175 and that they probably 354 00:14:13,975 --> 00:14:14,975 - Positively react. 355 00:14:14,975 --> 00:14:16,695 Either did a seen or commented on Right. 356 00:14:16,695 --> 00:14:17,975 Some of her photos. Right. 357 00:14:17,975 --> 00:14:20,335 - And so then the moment he knows their kinky a 358 00:14:20,475 --> 00:14:23,615 and has access to her, her pictures, 359 00:14:23,615 --> 00:14:26,055 or her body in some way is, doesn't like it. 360 00:14:26,435 --> 00:14:27,975 Uh, not supportive. Mm-Hmm. 361 00:14:28,015 --> 00:14:30,895 wants to control access to friends. 362 00:14:30,925 --> 00:14:35,295 Like, I understand that it is common 363 00:14:36,395 --> 00:14:40,055 air quote, typical that there are a lot of 364 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:45,375 cis hetero relationships where, of either male or female. 365 00:14:45,975 --> 00:14:47,055 Somebody's like, I'm not comfortable 366 00:14:47,055 --> 00:14:48,335 with you being near somebody 367 00:14:48,335 --> 00:14:49,815 of the opposite sex, blah, blah, blah. 368 00:14:49,995 --> 00:14:51,605 And we could talk about that being preferences, 369 00:14:51,665 --> 00:14:54,445 but I mean, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you side eye 370 00:14:54,445 --> 00:14:56,205 because actually that sounds like insecurity. 371 00:14:56,345 --> 00:14:57,805 Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. 372 00:14:57,945 --> 00:15:00,205 But I don't consider that a healthy reaction 373 00:15:00,705 --> 00:15:02,925 to automatically assume Yeah. 374 00:15:03,165 --> 00:15:04,645 Whatever, whatever. And this is playing out. 375 00:15:04,985 --> 00:15:07,605 But in a kink world where it, 376 00:15:07,785 --> 00:15:09,925 it feels even more dissonant when I, I'm like, 377 00:15:10,395 --> 00:15:14,045 what this person has multiple play partners over time is, 378 00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:16,245 is living their hopefully best kinky life. 379 00:15:17,105 --> 00:15:20,725 And you who, I'm not gonna vanilla shame anybody, 380 00:15:20,905 --> 00:15:23,165 but I am gonna asshole shame folks. 381 00:15:23,665 --> 00:15:26,445 The boyfriend or the whatever is the fucking asshole. Yeah. 382 00:15:26,465 --> 00:15:28,205 Not the person asking the question. Mm-Hmm. 383 00:15:28,245 --> 00:15:29,805 , they did not have, they were not under any 384 00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:32,045 obligation, especially once they knew 385 00:15:32,635 --> 00:15:35,685 that their partner did not have a kinky bone in their body 386 00:15:36,225 --> 00:15:39,285 and was judgmental about things they'd seen at the dungeon 387 00:15:39,285 --> 00:15:40,365 and the munch and, 388 00:15:40,365 --> 00:15:41,365 - And that and - That. 389 00:15:41,365 --> 00:15:43,325 Why would I share that with you at that point? And, 390 00:15:43,345 --> 00:15:46,725 - And even before that is the reason why 391 00:15:48,235 --> 00:15:50,885 most people don't talk about that with somebody 392 00:15:50,985 --> 00:15:52,445 who is non kinky. 393 00:15:52,445 --> 00:15:54,365 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. , you know, it, 394 00:15:54,425 --> 00:15:56,205 um, yeah. 395 00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,685 Just for that reason. Mm-Hmm. 396 00:15:57,725 --> 00:16:00,685 , I mean, I, you know, I hate to say it. 397 00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,925 There, there is a, a amount of kink shaming 398 00:16:03,925 --> 00:16:06,205 that goes on within the community itself. 399 00:16:06,305 --> 00:16:08,565 Mm-Hmm. , which, which is bad. 400 00:16:09,865 --> 00:16:13,125 But then you, you throw in the mix, you know, someone 401 00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:16,485 who has no kink experience knows very little about the 402 00:16:16,485 --> 00:16:19,005 community and, and what we do. 403 00:16:20,425 --> 00:16:24,005 And, you know, that is a 404 00:16:24,865 --> 00:16:26,405 recipe for the perfect storm. 405 00:16:26,595 --> 00:16:27,885 Yeah, I agree. So 406 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,805 - I agree because this, you know, there, we, we all know 407 00:16:31,805 --> 00:16:34,205 that plenty of non-kin sters are extremely 408 00:16:34,445 --> 00:16:36,285 judgmental and it sucks. 409 00:16:36,385 --> 00:16:39,445 And Mm-Hmm. , most of us want to avoid that. I 410 00:16:39,445 --> 00:16:41,685 - Mean, and not all of them, but there, there are, but 411 00:16:41,685 --> 00:16:42,685 - Plenty of them are. 412 00:16:42,685 --> 00:16:43,885 Yeah. And, and at this point, you're, 413 00:16:43,995 --> 00:16:46,325 this person is in a relationship with somebody 414 00:16:46,425 --> 00:16:48,165 who is a judgmental non-kin ster, 415 00:16:48,445 --> 00:16:50,245 a kink shammie, judgmental, non-kin ster. 416 00:16:50,645 --> 00:16:52,525 I what is there to salvage at this point? Yeah. 417 00:16:52,885 --> 00:16:57,445 I could, I could understand an honest conversation about, 418 00:16:58,145 --> 00:16:59,685 wow, I didn't expect to see that. 419 00:17:00,035 --> 00:17:02,525 Yeah. You know, can you tell me why you didn't tell me? 420 00:17:02,545 --> 00:17:04,205 It feels weird that I didn't know, 421 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,805 but to, I mean, to 422 00:17:08,755 --> 00:17:11,725 immediately feel some sense of disgust 423 00:17:11,825 --> 00:17:14,285 or whatever about the comments left on it, about the fact 424 00:17:14,285 --> 00:17:16,845 that it was done, about these play partners that, 425 00:17:17,145 --> 00:17:19,405 and, you know, she adds the caveat 426 00:17:19,595 --> 00:17:21,645 that she had not hidden her kink life. 427 00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:25,125 Right. So this person was agreeing 428 00:17:25,125 --> 00:17:26,765 to be in the relationship knowing 429 00:17:26,955 --> 00:17:28,725 that their partner had previous partners. 430 00:17:28,785 --> 00:17:30,525 And quite frankly, most of us have previous 431 00:17:30,525 --> 00:17:31,805 - Partners. Yeah. Right. Like, come 432 00:17:31,805 --> 00:17:32,805 - On now. 433 00:17:34,795 --> 00:17:37,125 Yeah. The person is not the asshole. 434 00:17:37,195 --> 00:17:38,965 That is, that is easily answered. 435 00:17:39,065 --> 00:17:40,085 No, you're not the asshole. 436 00:17:40,265 --> 00:17:43,445 Uh, to me, you waiting to even talk about this 437 00:17:43,465 --> 00:17:45,605 or not willing, being willing to talk about this with them 438 00:17:45,605 --> 00:17:47,725 and not feeling like you wanted to share that part of you. 439 00:17:48,245 --> 00:17:50,685 I think that was some part of you knowing you couldn't Yeah. 440 00:17:50,685 --> 00:17:54,685 I think I, I mean, you've just proven why maybe if you're, 441 00:17:54,705 --> 00:17:57,405 you know, not dating a kister who's already on fe life 442 00:17:57,405 --> 00:17:58,885 and like, might have their own issues, 443 00:17:58,885 --> 00:17:59,885 but basically gets it. 444 00:18:00,515 --> 00:18:01,685 Yeah. I see why you would've waited. 445 00:18:02,945 --> 00:18:04,725 And that's another thing. I've, I've done this 446 00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:06,365 to not in this kind of situation, 447 00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:10,565 but I have told people, if you go to this kink space, 448 00:18:10,625 --> 00:18:13,245 if you go, I, hey, when I've talked to my family about 449 00:18:13,245 --> 00:18:15,605 what I do, I'm like, if I tell you 450 00:18:15,665 --> 00:18:18,165 or I send you to the site, you can't unknow 451 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,605 what you're about to fucking learn what you, 452 00:18:19,605 --> 00:18:20,085 - What you see. Yeah. 453 00:18:20,145 --> 00:18:22,845 - And it, I I am not responsible for how you feel about it. 454 00:18:22,865 --> 00:18:25,725 And that was him. She was like, you, you're not gonna like 455 00:18:25,885 --> 00:18:27,605 what you see, you're not prepared for this. 456 00:18:27,825 --> 00:18:29,765 Mm-Hmm. . And he did it anyway, 457 00:18:29,825 --> 00:18:33,605 but now his feelings are her fucking problem. No, 458 00:18:33,615 --> 00:18:34,615 - Right. 459 00:18:34,625 --> 00:18:36,925 - No, no, no, no. I'm not sure what we're salvaging there. 460 00:18:37,105 --> 00:18:38,325 No. And what we're trying to, 461 00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:41,285 especially if in the very last bit, it's like we have issues 462 00:18:41,285 --> 00:18:42,525 that aren't kink related. 463 00:18:43,005 --> 00:18:44,485 I bet the fuck you do. 464 00:18:44,615 --> 00:18:45,765 - Right, . - Yep. 465 00:18:46,785 --> 00:18:49,045 And that's, you know, I'll say this, it's not to say 466 00:18:49,555 --> 00:18:53,125 that non-kin sters who are dating sters can't have feelings 467 00:18:53,225 --> 00:18:57,285 and feel weirded out and be unsure and be confused. 468 00:18:57,285 --> 00:18:58,685 Like, absolutely. 469 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:03,565 But if the response is an immature response, 470 00:19:05,105 --> 00:19:06,685 unless you want to be the one 471 00:19:06,955 --> 00:19:08,925 that helps 'em grow up in a fucking hurry 472 00:19:08,945 --> 00:19:11,285 and learn how to have adult conversations Mm-Hmm. 473 00:19:11,325 --> 00:19:13,005 what are we doing there? And, 474 00:19:13,065 --> 00:19:16,005 - And you know, this, this isn't the norm either. 475 00:19:16,245 --> 00:19:19,325 I mean, I, I have known people who are 476 00:19:20,975 --> 00:19:22,405 sters who are in a relationship 477 00:19:22,405 --> 00:19:23,845 with somebody who's non kinky. 478 00:19:23,865 --> 00:19:24,885 Mm-Hmm. , you know, 479 00:19:25,225 --> 00:19:26,885 and they're secure enough in 480 00:19:26,905 --> 00:19:29,565 who they are in their relationship to say, well, you know, 481 00:19:29,665 --> 00:19:32,485 I'm not really into this, but go enjoy yourself. Right? 482 00:19:32,655 --> 00:19:35,085 - Right. And I can see there being conversations about 483 00:19:35,595 --> 00:19:37,125 what they're comfortable with and what they're not, 484 00:19:37,225 --> 00:19:41,365 but to basically forbid all, everything, you know, 485 00:19:43,685 --> 00:19:45,485 I can, that does not surprise me 486 00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:49,125 that a non kinky partner would be like, I'm not comfortable 487 00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:50,445 with you doing any of this stuff. 488 00:19:50,445 --> 00:19:53,685 Mm-Hmm. those to have those feelings that, 489 00:19:53,685 --> 00:19:55,165 that Oh, you get to have those feelings. 490 00:19:55,845 --> 00:19:57,685 I think it's just is then a sign 491 00:19:57,685 --> 00:19:59,565 that maybe there's no compatibility there, 492 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,285 because if that person is like, 493 00:20:01,305 --> 00:20:02,765 but I need this, I want this. 494 00:20:02,825 --> 00:20:04,685 I'm a happier person with this. Sure. 495 00:20:04,785 --> 00:20:07,045 And you are not comfortable, like your boundary is, 496 00:20:07,045 --> 00:20:08,845 you don't want a partner who's 497 00:20:08,845 --> 00:20:09,965 gonna have other partners Mm-Hmm. 498 00:20:10,005 --> 00:20:10,645 and do these kinds of things, 499 00:20:10,995 --> 00:20:12,045 then what are we doing here? 500 00:20:12,135 --> 00:20:16,765 - Right. I mean, you, you, you know, you tell somebody no, 501 00:20:16,785 --> 00:20:19,045 you have to give up that part of your life. Right. 502 00:20:19,045 --> 00:20:20,525 - Because I'm uncomfortable 503 00:20:20,585 --> 00:20:21,585 - And squid down. 504 00:20:21,585 --> 00:20:22,525 Yeah. Because I'm uncomfortable with it. 505 00:20:22,905 --> 00:20:27,605 Um, you know, that, that is a, a recipe for disaster for, 506 00:20:27,665 --> 00:20:29,405 for the other person to build resentment 507 00:20:29,405 --> 00:20:30,845 because you can't just tamp down. 508 00:20:30,975 --> 00:20:33,925 Right. You know who you are and, and, and Mm-Hmm. 509 00:20:34,105 --> 00:20:35,125 You know. No. 510 00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:38,205 - And the way this person describes it, clearly, it's, 511 00:20:38,235 --> 00:20:40,125 it's an important integral part of their life. 512 00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:41,365 - Who they are. Yeah. Right. 513 00:20:41,505 --> 00:20:42,645 - So they're, it's just, 514 00:20:42,755 --> 00:20:43,885 it's just you're with the wrong partner. 515 00:20:43,885 --> 00:20:45,485 Mm-Hmm. you're just with. And then for them 516 00:20:45,485 --> 00:20:48,085 to be shammy and shitty about it even more so. 517 00:20:48,085 --> 00:20:49,685 Yeah. Even. Yeah. Okay. 518 00:20:49,905 --> 00:20:52,885 So before I get into the next one Mm-Hmm. 519 00:20:52,925 --> 00:20:56,405 , the next post did not have a content warning, 520 00:20:56,465 --> 00:21:00,165 but as I read it, I was like, it probably should 521 00:21:00,265 --> 00:21:01,405 for anybody coming across it. 522 00:21:01,475 --> 00:21:05,965 Okay. So the poster of this next one does not frame 523 00:21:06,155 --> 00:21:08,685 what happened as sexual assault, 524 00:21:08,785 --> 00:21:11,845 but I think a reasonable person listening to what happened, 525 00:21:11,845 --> 00:21:13,485 and they don't go into huge detail, 526 00:21:13,505 --> 00:21:16,285 but they do go into a little bit, might think so. 527 00:21:16,555 --> 00:21:20,005 Okay. So if you're like, yeah, no, I am, I am not here 528 00:21:20,005 --> 00:21:21,565 to listen to that, especially it's within 529 00:21:21,645 --> 00:21:22,765 A-A-B-D-S-M context. 530 00:21:22,825 --> 00:21:27,285 If you do not have the, the anything, the wherewithal 531 00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:30,485 to want to listen to that, you should skip it on YouTube. 532 00:21:30,625 --> 00:21:32,925 I'm wa I'm gonna wave at the camera when I get started 533 00:21:33,615 --> 00:21:35,165 until I get timestamps in roll up. 534 00:21:35,345 --> 00:21:37,805 Um, for podcast listeners, um, 535 00:21:37,905 --> 00:21:39,685 by the time this episode comes out, I'll know 536 00:21:39,685 --> 00:21:40,765 how long the conversation is. 537 00:21:41,275 --> 00:21:42,765 Just check the show notes for 538 00:21:42,885 --> 00:21:44,045 how long you need to fast forward. 539 00:21:44,145 --> 00:21:46,805 But for YouTube folks, until there are timestamps, 540 00:21:46,875 --> 00:21:50,205 I'll wave at you, uh, to let you know that we're starting 541 00:21:50,265 --> 00:21:52,885 and we're ending the conversation if you want to skip it. 542 00:21:54,825 --> 00:21:56,565 So just, yeah, I don't, 543 00:21:56,715 --> 00:21:59,805 it's not like the worst thing I've ever read 544 00:21:59,865 --> 00:22:02,485 or read aloud for this, uh, show. 545 00:22:02,665 --> 00:22:05,085 But it, I still want to give people warning 546 00:22:05,085 --> 00:22:08,485 because I feel like part of the, my response 547 00:22:08,585 --> 00:22:10,005 to the response is, 548 00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:12,685 why did you not think this was worse than it was? 549 00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:15,965 So about to get started, I'm waving at the camera, 550 00:22:16,305 --> 00:22:18,245 so if you wanna mute until I wave again. 551 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:21,045 There we go. Podcast listeners, check the show notes 552 00:22:21,045 --> 00:22:23,045 to figure out how long you need to fast forward. 553 00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:28,525 Four. Okay. Okay. Title. 554 00:22:29,625 --> 00:22:32,165 My dom insisted on a new safety rule 555 00:22:32,345 --> 00:22:36,005 and then violated it less than a week later was the onus on 556 00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,365 me to remind him, Tim, Hmm. 557 00:22:39,245 --> 00:22:42,885 A week ago, excuse me, my 35 female dom, 35 male, 558 00:22:43,075 --> 00:22:44,485 also my boyfriend of 10 months. 559 00:22:45,065 --> 00:22:47,005 And I engaged in a very hot, 560 00:22:47,155 --> 00:22:50,285 very rough anal consensual non-consent scene. 561 00:22:50,665 --> 00:22:52,965 We didn't use lube by mutual prior agreement. 562 00:22:53,215 --> 00:22:55,165 Afterwards, there was quite a lot of blood. 563 00:22:55,825 --> 00:22:58,565 He clearly felt bad about going a little too hard. 564 00:22:58,665 --> 00:22:59,885 And while we were cleaning up, 565 00:22:59,905 --> 00:23:01,485 he said something along the lines of, 566 00:23:01,705 --> 00:23:02,845 I'm sorry that happened. 567 00:23:03,035 --> 00:23:05,405 From now on, we will definitely use lube 568 00:23:05,405 --> 00:23:07,565 to make sure we're not causing any actual damage. 569 00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:09,205 I care about you so much, 570 00:23:09,225 --> 00:23:10,725 and I never want to do things to you 571 00:23:10,725 --> 00:23:12,085 that could actually injure you. 572 00:23:12,705 --> 00:23:14,605 It made me feel really loved that he decided, 573 00:23:14,605 --> 00:23:16,445 that was no prompting for me. 574 00:23:16,785 --> 00:23:18,805 He was really good with aftercare that night, 575 00:23:18,805 --> 00:23:20,965 but I didn't feel like I needed much special treatment 576 00:23:20,965 --> 00:23:22,925 because his words made me feel so seen 577 00:23:22,925 --> 00:23:25,245 and cared for this weekend, 578 00:23:25,305 --> 00:23:27,405 he had apparently had a little too much to drink. 579 00:23:27,845 --> 00:23:30,045 I couldn't really tell he was intoxicated at all. 580 00:23:30,045 --> 00:23:33,685 He holds his liquor very well and went into primal mode. 581 00:23:33,815 --> 00:23:35,565 While I was giving him a blowjob. 582 00:23:35,945 --> 00:23:38,765 He grabbed me by my hair, threw me down onto the bed, 583 00:23:38,825 --> 00:23:41,565 and shoved his cock into my ass without lube. 584 00:23:41,565 --> 00:23:43,485 Again, I didn't say word 585 00:23:43,485 --> 00:23:44,965 before he started because it happened. 586 00:23:45,005 --> 00:23:46,925 So suddenly when he threw me down, 587 00:23:47,005 --> 00:23:49,045 I was expecting vaginal sex specifically 588 00:23:49,045 --> 00:23:52,165 because he had so recently insisted on not doing dry anal. 589 00:23:52,165 --> 00:23:54,525 Again, I did manage to say something like, 590 00:23:54,525 --> 00:23:55,965 please not my ass again. 591 00:23:56,185 --> 00:23:59,205 But he might've thought that that was just CNC dirty talk. 592 00:24:00,045 --> 00:24:01,365 I also didn't say word during 593 00:24:01,365 --> 00:24:03,165 because the pain was tolerable. 594 00:24:03,905 --> 00:24:06,925 And because I was experiencing the freeze part of the fight, 595 00:24:06,925 --> 00:24:09,445 flight freeze response, there was a lot of blood. 596 00:24:09,445 --> 00:24:11,885 Again, this time he didn't really acknowledge it 597 00:24:11,885 --> 00:24:13,445 or offer much in the way of aftercare, 598 00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:16,205 aside from falling asleep, spooning like we always do, 599 00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:17,845 our longstanding rule is 600 00:24:17,845 --> 00:24:19,885 that spontaneous rough anal always has 601 00:24:19,885 --> 00:24:21,205 to be followed up with aftercare. 602 00:24:22,505 --> 00:24:24,205 I'm feeling pretty disappointed and hurt. 603 00:24:24,405 --> 00:24:25,445 I brought it up last night 604 00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:28,125 and he said he had completely forgotten about saying 605 00:24:28,145 --> 00:24:29,165 he wouldn't do that again. 606 00:24:29,545 --> 00:24:32,485 And then in the future, I should say yellow, if I need 607 00:24:32,485 --> 00:24:36,125 to pause and remind him of a rule that he's blanking on. 608 00:24:37,145 --> 00:24:39,525 He also reminded me this weekend that I should say 609 00:24:39,545 --> 00:24:41,285 for it if I think he's too drunk 610 00:24:41,385 --> 00:24:43,085 to engage in kink responsibly. 611 00:24:43,585 --> 00:24:46,125 But again, he didn't seem drunk at all 612 00:24:46,265 --> 00:24:48,285 and had only had about four drinks, 613 00:24:48,615 --> 00:24:50,005 which is pretty typical for him. 614 00:24:50,075 --> 00:24:53,485 Most nights, that seems like an acceptable course of action, 615 00:24:53,545 --> 00:24:55,765 but I'm still dismayed that it was so easy 616 00:24:55,765 --> 00:24:56,845 for him to forget. 617 00:24:57,335 --> 00:24:59,005 We're supposed to move in together soon. 618 00:24:59,265 --> 00:25:01,645 And this has shaken some of my faith in his concern 619 00:25:01,705 --> 00:25:05,365 for my long-term wellbeing, I realized slash agree 620 00:25:05,365 --> 00:25:06,725 that I should have used my safe word. 621 00:25:06,785 --> 00:25:09,365 So I know I bear some of the responsibility here, 622 00:25:09,705 --> 00:25:10,845 but I was wrong to assume. 623 00:25:11,065 --> 00:25:13,245 But was I wrong to assume he would remember? 624 00:25:13,545 --> 00:25:15,525 How do I put aside my bad feelings about this? 625 00:25:16,305 --> 00:25:17,565 You bear none 626 00:25:17,685 --> 00:25:20,325 of the goddamn responsibility for what the fuck 627 00:25:20,645 --> 00:25:21,645 - Happened, right? 628 00:25:21,645 --> 00:25:22,525 No, no, they don't. 629 00:25:22,825 --> 00:25:27,285 Um, you know, what the actual fuck if, if this person, 630 00:25:27,475 --> 00:25:32,325 this dom cannot remember a, a, a rule 631 00:25:32,835 --> 00:25:36,405 that he put place a week ago. 632 00:25:38,025 --> 00:25:40,325 Um, some serious, serious shit. 633 00:25:40,985 --> 00:25:45,485 Two, um, you know, again, this is just another, 634 00:25:47,625 --> 00:25:49,885 and I'm sorry, I know there are people who practice safely 635 00:25:49,955 --> 00:25:52,365 with, with drinking and, and you know, 636 00:25:54,985 --> 00:25:57,965 but this, this is just another, um, this is a 637 00:25:57,965 --> 00:25:59,685 - Classic example of how it doesn't fucking mix. 638 00:25:59,815 --> 00:26:03,685 Right. But also, I don't even care that he was drinking. 639 00:26:05,045 --> 00:26:07,585 He made a rule, broke it, 640 00:26:08,005 --> 00:26:10,585 and then told her that it had been her responsibility 641 00:26:10,585 --> 00:26:12,585 to fucking remind him of a rule. 642 00:26:13,045 --> 00:26:15,025 Mm-Hmm. . Don't just throw the whole 643 00:26:15,685 --> 00:26:16,745 air, quote dom away. 644 00:26:17,315 --> 00:26:19,185 Throw him in fucking jail. Yeah. 645 00:26:19,335 --> 00:26:21,585 Just, are you fucking kidding 646 00:26:21,645 --> 00:26:22,645 - Me? 647 00:26:22,645 --> 00:26:24,945 And, and I mean, you know, the, the whole four drinks thing, 648 00:26:25,525 --> 00:26:29,905 um, you know, four drinks, uh, is, is, 649 00:26:30,045 --> 00:26:31,265 is a good amount of drinks. 650 00:26:31,595 --> 00:26:33,225 - Makes me wonder if he does that most nights, 651 00:26:33,225 --> 00:26:34,585 if he's a functional alcoholic. 652 00:26:34,595 --> 00:26:36,865 Right. Because if you can't quote, tell Mm-Hmm. 653 00:26:36,905 --> 00:26:38,865 that means that, you know, usually that means 654 00:26:38,865 --> 00:26:41,185 that, that that's normal for them. Like whatever that is, 655 00:26:41,285 --> 00:26:42,285 - Is right. 656 00:26:42,285 --> 00:26:44,045 Because, you know, there's there there's some 657 00:26:44,045 --> 00:26:45,125 things to consider here. 658 00:26:45,195 --> 00:26:49,885 Four drinks. Okay. Over how long a time period. Okay. 659 00:26:50,305 --> 00:26:52,685 You know, did he mm-Hmm, drink these drinks, 660 00:26:53,145 --> 00:26:55,245 you know, with, with within an hour? 661 00:26:55,385 --> 00:26:57,965 Or were they spaced out over an, an entire evening? 662 00:26:58,345 --> 00:27:00,445 How strong was he mixing these drinks? 663 00:27:03,225 --> 00:27:06,565 You know? So these, these are all things that, um, 664 00:27:08,185 --> 00:27:10,085 you know, you, you have to think about here. 665 00:27:10,785 --> 00:27:13,765 But the, the fact that the second time 666 00:27:15,305 --> 00:27:17,045 he just went at it like that Right. 667 00:27:17,355 --> 00:27:20,005 With without even caring. 668 00:27:20,425 --> 00:27:24,525 No, she is not the asshole. He is definitely, 669 00:27:24,755 --> 00:27:25,755 - Yeah. 670 00:27:25,755 --> 00:27:26,725 She bears no responsibility. No. 671 00:27:26,725 --> 00:27:31,325 You know, but her, her end question here is, was I wrong 672 00:27:31,325 --> 00:27:32,405 to assume he would remember? 673 00:27:32,425 --> 00:27:33,445 No. The fuck you weren't wrong. 674 00:27:33,465 --> 00:27:36,285 You had, you had every reasonable expectation 675 00:27:36,285 --> 00:27:39,485 that the rule he set seven fucking days ago 676 00:27:39,715 --> 00:27:41,285 that he would abide by Mm-Hmm. 677 00:27:41,325 --> 00:27:43,005 . And especially if he's not done something 678 00:27:43,005 --> 00:27:46,565 like this in the past, that does not put the onus on her 679 00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:48,325 to like, have just known that this would happen. 680 00:27:48,385 --> 00:27:50,925 But it does. All I ask that I say that 681 00:27:50,925 --> 00:27:53,205 because is this genuinely the first time? 682 00:27:53,205 --> 00:27:54,325 And so it's even more shocking, 683 00:27:54,745 --> 00:27:57,285 or have there been things going on 684 00:27:57,285 --> 00:28:00,365 that she just didn't recognize as red flags or things? 685 00:28:00,365 --> 00:28:02,445 Because we all, I mean, we've all had those relationships 686 00:28:02,445 --> 00:28:03,725 where somebody does something shitty 687 00:28:04,025 --> 00:28:06,885 and you go, oh, it's fine, or you haven't Mm-Hmm. 688 00:28:06,925 --> 00:28:08,605 , they make an excuse that sounds plausible. 689 00:28:09,035 --> 00:28:10,965 Like me wanting to know is not to say 690 00:28:10,965 --> 00:28:12,045 that she could have foreseen this 691 00:28:12,205 --> 00:28:13,925 'cause No, she fucking couldn't. 692 00:28:13,975 --> 00:28:15,085 Right. I wanna know, 693 00:28:15,085 --> 00:28:18,485 because I wanna know how much of a douche is, 694 00:28:18,765 --> 00:28:19,925 I don't even have the words of 695 00:28:19,925 --> 00:28:21,005 what to call this motherfucker. 696 00:28:21,005 --> 00:28:23,165 Yeah, yeah. What I wanna know how bad it's been 697 00:28:23,165 --> 00:28:25,445 because I, I feel like I can be even angrier 698 00:28:25,595 --> 00:28:26,885 than I already fucking am. 699 00:28:28,505 --> 00:28:30,445 So No, you were not wrong to assume that you would remember. 700 00:28:30,665 --> 00:28:31,765 And how do you put your bad 701 00:28:31,855 --> 00:28:33,085 aside, your bad feelings about it? 702 00:28:33,085 --> 00:28:34,965 I don't know that you fucking do. Right. Therapy. 703 00:28:35,435 --> 00:28:36,765 Dump his fucking ass first. 704 00:28:36,865 --> 00:28:41,845 If you can safely get the fuck outta there. Oh my God. 705 00:28:42,145 --> 00:28:45,045 Oh my God. Oh, okay. Okay. My ears, my ears are red. 706 00:28:45,485 --> 00:28:48,485 . It's bad all the way around. It's abusive. 707 00:28:48,955 --> 00:28:49,965 It's assault. Yeah. 708 00:28:50,115 --> 00:28:51,405 It's a lack of responsibility, 709 00:28:51,405 --> 00:28:53,125 which becomes the bare minimum ones. 710 00:28:53,125 --> 00:28:55,205 We're talking about abuse and assault. Mm-Hmm. 711 00:28:55,245 --> 00:28:57,125 . But it's a la the lack of responsibility. 712 00:28:57,275 --> 00:28:59,205 It's the, this, it is, 713 00:28:59,285 --> 00:29:00,405 I think somebody said in the livestream, 714 00:29:00,425 --> 00:29:02,325 it is take it's pushing all of the, 715 00:29:02,705 --> 00:29:05,925 the excuses onto her making it her fault and her problem. 716 00:29:06,055 --> 00:29:07,525 Right. When it was his actions 717 00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:08,765 and his Mm-Hmm. , you know. 718 00:29:08,875 --> 00:29:10,685 - Yeah. Some, somebody in the stream baisley said, 719 00:29:10,715 --> 00:29:13,125 it's gas gaslight, it's gaslighting. Oh 720 00:29:13,145 --> 00:29:14,145 - My fuck. 721 00:29:14,145 --> 00:29:15,725 I mean, yeah. You should remind me 722 00:29:15,785 --> 00:29:18,485 of a fucking rule. Fuck you. Right. 723 00:29:18,485 --> 00:29:20,365 - Fuck you so hard. Fuck you so hard. Right, right, right, 724 00:29:20,365 --> 00:29:21,365 - Right, right, right. 725 00:29:21,365 --> 00:29:21,885 I mean, I was, you know what, 726 00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:24,205 before we even got into the, the awful awful 727 00:29:24,345 --> 00:29:26,725 of this post when it was like we decided 728 00:29:26,725 --> 00:29:30,205 to do an anal CNC scene with no lube, I was like, no. 729 00:29:30,595 --> 00:29:32,165 - Yeah. Right. - No, 730 00:29:32,165 --> 00:29:35,565 because even in a carefully choreographed scene 731 00:29:35,565 --> 00:29:38,205 where it felt like they understood the expectations, 732 00:29:38,575 --> 00:29:40,845 there still could have been injury that occurred. 733 00:29:40,995 --> 00:29:43,845 Yeah. You know, and he almost sounded a little bit like the 734 00:29:43,845 --> 00:29:45,965 hero by being like, caring 735 00:29:46,075 --> 00:29:48,165 that she had experienced actual harm, 736 00:29:48,225 --> 00:29:50,205 but then, then to just not care. 737 00:29:50,485 --> 00:29:51,645 - A be clear and then to this, 738 00:29:51,645 --> 00:29:53,885 and then to dismiss it. Oh my god. 739 00:29:54,225 --> 00:29:55,365 - Mm-Hmm. . And Yeah. And 740 00:29:55,365 --> 00:29:57,605 so now she's questioning what she's supposed to do. 741 00:29:57,615 --> 00:30:01,285 - Right. I mean, I'm, you know, I'm, I'm looking at this, 742 00:30:01,285 --> 00:30:02,685 at the very end, they say, you know, 743 00:30:04,875 --> 00:30:06,645 they should have used their safe word. 744 00:30:07,345 --> 00:30:12,005 Oh. But God, in that case, would this dumb, 745 00:30:12,005 --> 00:30:13,005 even if acknowledged it. 746 00:30:13,195 --> 00:30:14,805 Yeah. You know. Yeah, 747 00:30:14,995 --> 00:30:15,995 - Exactly. 748 00:30:17,825 --> 00:30:22,645 - Huh? - This person, the air quote dump is awful. 749 00:30:22,905 --> 00:30:25,565 Yep. That was assault easily. Yes. 750 00:30:26,025 --> 00:30:30,245 Um, what I want to do is gather up that person 751 00:30:30,585 --> 00:30:32,245 and go, here, let's get you the fuck away 752 00:30:32,465 --> 00:30:35,525 and let him be a dumpster fire on his fucking 753 00:30:35,645 --> 00:30:36,645 - O Mm-Hmm. 754 00:30:36,645 --> 00:30:39,045 . Yeah. 755 00:30:40,925 --> 00:30:42,325 - I don't know that there's much to add. 756 00:30:43,575 --> 00:30:46,435 It is enraging. It is enraging. 757 00:30:46,945 --> 00:30:48,155 - Yeah. - Okay. 758 00:30:48,375 --> 00:30:50,555 I'm gonna wave at the camera now for anybody who muted 759 00:30:50,555 --> 00:30:51,515 who did not wanna be part of that 760 00:30:51,515 --> 00:30:52,675 conversation to be able to come back. 761 00:30:52,815 --> 00:30:56,155 I'm waving. Come back. Okay. Podcast listeners. 762 00:30:56,155 --> 00:30:58,755 Hopefully you're, you've fast forwarded and you're here now. 763 00:30:59,215 --> 00:31:01,875 Mm-Hmm. . Oh my God. Okay. Okay. 764 00:31:01,885 --> 00:31:04,475 We're gonna, we're gonna go to the next one. I, I, yeah. 765 00:31:04,475 --> 00:31:05,955 That was the only one I felt the need 766 00:31:05,955 --> 00:31:09,555 to like put a warning on 'cause that was just, okay. 767 00:31:09,865 --> 00:31:11,675 Okay. Get my blood pressure down so I can read the next one. 768 00:31:11,745 --> 00:31:14,995 Okay, here we go. Uh, the title 769 00:31:14,995 --> 00:31:18,315 of this one is Feeling That The Praise Is Quote Empty. 770 00:31:19,275 --> 00:31:22,035 Recently I expressed to Adam Dom that I see semi-regularly, 771 00:31:22,035 --> 00:31:24,715 that I have a really difficult time keeping motivation 772 00:31:24,715 --> 00:31:26,995 with a lot of mundane things, cleaning my space, 773 00:31:26,995 --> 00:31:28,275 working out, all that type of stuff. 774 00:31:28,775 --> 00:31:31,315 He suggested that if I wanted, he could give me a list 775 00:31:31,315 --> 00:31:33,715 of tasks that I should do throughout the week. 776 00:31:34,015 --> 00:31:35,755 And if I complete everything, I would be allowed 777 00:31:35,755 --> 00:31:37,155 to go see him for playtime. 778 00:31:37,635 --> 00:31:38,755 I said yes to this agreement 779 00:31:38,895 --> 00:31:40,355 and it honestly has kept me on top 780 00:31:40,355 --> 00:31:41,435 of everything I need to do. 781 00:31:41,735 --> 00:31:43,715 And I'm thankful that he wanted to do this with me. 782 00:31:44,035 --> 00:31:45,875 'cause I wouldn't have had the balls to ask him myself. 783 00:31:46,255 --> 00:31:48,635 For context, we aren't super, super close personally 784 00:31:48,895 --> 00:31:51,475 and rarely talk unless it's to schedule some playtime. 785 00:31:51,975 --> 00:31:55,195 Now. I love being praised, love being called a good girl. 786 00:31:55,195 --> 00:31:56,595 Love it all. I eat it up. 787 00:31:56,935 --> 00:31:59,035 But for some reason, whenever he praises me 788 00:31:59,035 --> 00:32:01,395 for getting things done, it feels so empty, 789 00:32:01,515 --> 00:32:02,835 baseless, mandatory. 790 00:32:03,225 --> 00:32:05,675 Like it's not coming. Quote from his chest is what I mean. 791 00:32:05,705 --> 00:32:08,995 It's the same good girl. So proud of you over and over. 792 00:32:09,095 --> 00:32:11,235 And to be honest, our first scene since 793 00:32:11,405 --> 00:32:14,515 after making this rule was extremely lackluster. 794 00:32:14,895 --> 00:32:17,435 And yes, I hyped it up a hundred percent thinking this was 795 00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:18,955 gonna be a crazy, insane scene. 796 00:32:19,375 --> 00:32:22,275 But even if I hadn't, I still would've been like, oh, 797 00:32:22,345 --> 00:32:23,715 that was very mediocre. 798 00:32:24,165 --> 00:32:26,475 After our scene ended, I just was like, 799 00:32:26,735 --> 00:32:28,675 he is probably not in the right head space today. 800 00:32:29,095 --> 00:32:31,315 We still had some good conversation afterwards, though. 801 00:32:31,365 --> 00:32:32,915 Maybe my tolerance for impact 802 00:32:32,915 --> 00:32:34,355 and pain has gone up since we first 803 00:32:34,355 --> 00:32:35,475 started doing things together. 804 00:32:35,815 --> 00:32:38,795 But I left with not even a tiny bruise on me again. 805 00:32:38,815 --> 00:32:40,805 He most likely was just not in the head space, 806 00:32:40,825 --> 00:32:42,525 but my overthinking has gotten to me. 807 00:32:43,225 --> 00:32:46,325 The other thing is too, he has a lot of other partners. 808 00:32:46,395 --> 00:32:48,805 Like every time I look up, he's got someone else with him. 809 00:32:49,145 --> 00:32:50,805 Not that I really care, but I'm just like, 810 00:32:50,905 --> 00:32:52,645 was I another notch in his belt? 811 00:32:52,995 --> 00:32:54,845 Does he just want to say that he has a quote, 812 00:32:55,015 --> 00:32:56,605 young sub context? 813 00:32:56,865 --> 00:32:58,165 I'm the youngest person he sees. 814 00:32:58,515 --> 00:33:00,405 Does he actually really even care about 815 00:33:00,405 --> 00:33:01,565 what I'm doing at all? 816 00:33:01,855 --> 00:33:03,245 Maybe I'm too emotional about it. 817 00:33:03,245 --> 00:33:05,165 Maybe I'm too self-deprecating for my own good. 818 00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:07,885 I just don't know how to feel. Hmm. 819 00:33:09,245 --> 00:33:12,765 I think that many people, maybe not all, 820 00:33:13,245 --> 00:33:14,925 'cause I can see situations where maybe you wouldn't. 821 00:33:15,225 --> 00:33:19,165 But I think a lot of people can tell when praise is sincere. 822 00:33:19,185 --> 00:33:21,525 Mm-Hmm. . And when it is not. Well, 823 00:33:21,595 --> 00:33:25,445 - It's, it's just like, you know, 824 00:33:27,155 --> 00:33:28,645 telling somebody you love them. 825 00:33:28,905 --> 00:33:30,125 Mm-Hmm. . Okay. 826 00:33:31,185 --> 00:33:35,405 Um, when used in the right 827 00:33:35,405 --> 00:33:38,005 context, you know? 828 00:33:38,195 --> 00:33:40,245 Yeah. It convey, you know, 829 00:33:40,525 --> 00:33:41,605 I love you. Mm-Hmm. . 830 00:33:42,355 --> 00:33:44,005 - It's the tone, it's the look, 831 00:33:44,075 --> 00:33:45,075 - It's the everything. 832 00:33:45,075 --> 00:33:46,125 And it's, it's the tone. It's the look. 833 00:33:46,355 --> 00:33:48,605 It's everything that goes with it. You did a good, you 834 00:33:48,605 --> 00:33:49,605 - Did a good one. 835 00:33:49,605 --> 00:33:50,325 . Thank you. 836 00:33:50,785 --> 00:33:54,325 - But you know, words become empty 837 00:33:55,375 --> 00:33:57,565 after they're said so much. 838 00:33:57,815 --> 00:33:59,885 - Especially if there's nothing to go with them 839 00:33:59,995 --> 00:34:00,995 - With that. 840 00:34:00,995 --> 00:34:01,845 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Mm-Hmm. 841 00:34:01,885 --> 00:34:05,485 . So, um, you know, there, 842 00:34:05,485 --> 00:34:07,245 there may be something to what she's saying. 843 00:34:07,265 --> 00:34:08,605 Mm-Hmm. . Absolutely. Mm-Hmm. . 844 00:34:09,425 --> 00:34:11,045 Mm-Hmm. . Because, you know, it comes down 845 00:34:11,045 --> 00:34:15,445 to fact sometimes, um, show me, don't tell me. 846 00:34:15,665 --> 00:34:17,005 Oh, yeah, yeah. Kind of thing. Mm-Hmm. . 847 00:34:17,505 --> 00:34:21,325 All right. Mm-Hmm. . So, you know. Yeah. 848 00:34:21,335 --> 00:34:24,245 There, there, there, there might be something behind 849 00:34:24,275 --> 00:34:25,605 what she's thinking. 850 00:34:25,605 --> 00:34:26,965 Feeling. Absolutely. Mm-Hmm. . 851 00:34:27,075 --> 00:34:28,245 - This is one of those times I would go, 852 00:34:28,245 --> 00:34:29,405 if that's what it feels like. 853 00:34:29,805 --> 00:34:31,925 Absolutely. Trust your instinct on that one. Yeah. 854 00:34:31,925 --> 00:34:34,125 Because I think, you know, other, outside 855 00:34:34,125 --> 00:34:36,485 of some specific circumstances, I think most people, 856 00:34:36,825 --> 00:34:38,685 you get a sense now you can question yourself 857 00:34:38,685 --> 00:34:40,765 and you can doubt yourself and you can overthink it. 858 00:34:40,785 --> 00:34:41,965 Mm-Hmm. . Which 859 00:34:41,965 --> 00:34:43,165 that may be what she's doing as well. 860 00:34:43,165 --> 00:34:44,285 Yeah. But I, I think she knows. 861 00:34:44,325 --> 00:34:47,365 I think you can just tell when you've gotten a genuine, 862 00:34:47,475 --> 00:34:50,485 like a heartfelt, you did a good job, right? 863 00:34:50,485 --> 00:34:51,885 Mm-Hmm. . I also, 864 00:34:52,045 --> 00:34:53,805 I don't know if it's the same issue 865 00:34:53,805 --> 00:34:56,725 or if it's two separate issues in the comments on this post. 866 00:34:56,725 --> 00:34:58,285 People considered it two separate issues. 867 00:34:58,905 --> 00:35:02,245 The, um, this person has a lot, the dom has a lot 868 00:35:02,245 --> 00:35:04,125 of partners and, you know Mm-Hmm. 869 00:35:04,165 --> 00:35:06,245 . She's feeling like a notch. Here's the thing. 870 00:35:06,345 --> 00:35:09,765 If the praise is not, I, I think they kind of go together 871 00:35:10,875 --> 00:35:14,125 because if the praise does not, is the experience 872 00:35:14,155 --> 00:35:17,245 with the partner does not feel genuine and authentic. 873 00:35:17,345 --> 00:35:19,605 Mm-Hmm. . I think that if, 874 00:35:19,605 --> 00:35:21,405 you know they have multiple partners, then yeah. 875 00:35:21,405 --> 00:35:23,205 You're gonna go, am I, am I just 876 00:35:23,205 --> 00:35:24,445 part of the collection here? 877 00:35:24,545 --> 00:35:27,885 And I'm, I'm not important enough as an individual. 878 00:35:28,225 --> 00:35:29,805 I'm, I'm, I'm a notch. Yeah. 879 00:35:29,865 --> 00:35:32,445 I'm a a pretty in the, the, you know, 880 00:35:32,635 --> 00:35:33,925 bouquet of submissives. 881 00:35:33,925 --> 00:35:37,005 This person has, I'm, I'm the reason this person can say, 882 00:35:37,085 --> 00:35:38,205 I have this many subs, 883 00:35:38,205 --> 00:35:40,125 or I, you know, whatever, whatever it might be. 884 00:35:40,125 --> 00:35:41,525 - Right. Right, - Right, right. You know, I think 885 00:35:41,525 --> 00:35:42,925 that's a fair question 886 00:35:43,185 --> 00:35:45,205 to think when you do not think you're having an 887 00:35:45,205 --> 00:35:46,485 authentic experience. 888 00:35:46,535 --> 00:35:50,925 Right. With your partner now it if 889 00:35:51,455 --> 00:35:54,565 everything feels worth trying to salvage all of this has 890 00:35:54,565 --> 00:35:55,565 to have a conversation. 891 00:35:55,745 --> 00:35:59,685 Yes. There should, you know, I can understand a little bit 892 00:35:59,685 --> 00:36:01,525 of nerves around this if you have never had 893 00:36:01,525 --> 00:36:03,445 to have a hard conversation with a partner before, 894 00:36:03,905 --> 00:36:05,605 but I personally do not think 895 00:36:05,605 --> 00:36:07,365 that there's a submissive on the fucking planet 896 00:36:07,665 --> 00:36:09,805 who should be afraid to go to their dom 897 00:36:09,805 --> 00:36:12,485 and go, that, that scene we did. 898 00:36:13,265 --> 00:36:16,485 Ah, uh, how do you feel about it? Yeah. 899 00:36:16,485 --> 00:36:18,125 Because, uh, here, here's some 900 00:36:18,125 --> 00:36:19,365 things I need that I didn't get. 901 00:36:19,565 --> 00:36:22,165 I, we should now be able to have those conversations. 902 00:36:22,385 --> 00:36:25,525 - Now, now to be fair and, you know, kind of be the, uh, 903 00:36:25,525 --> 00:36:26,645 devil's advocate here. 904 00:36:26,645 --> 00:36:28,485 Mm-Hmm. , I, you know, 905 00:36:31,055 --> 00:36:35,245 every scene I have ever had, you know, 906 00:36:35,385 --> 00:36:37,765 not every one of them has been a hundred percent No. 907 00:36:37,785 --> 00:36:39,285 You know, there and they're not gonna be there. 908 00:36:39,285 --> 00:36:42,685 There are, there are times I'm, I'm off my game. Sure. 909 00:36:42,945 --> 00:36:45,525 And you know, it, it's, it's just kind of getting 910 00:36:45,525 --> 00:36:47,045 through, you know? 911 00:36:47,045 --> 00:36:48,525 - Yeah. I mean, yes. Because 912 00:36:48,525 --> 00:36:49,645 - That's just nature of things. 913 00:36:49,645 --> 00:36:50,765 Everybody has an off. 914 00:36:51,295 --> 00:36:52,645 - Right. But, but the thing is, 915 00:36:52,675 --> 00:36:54,525 it's not about having the off day Mm-Hmm. 916 00:36:54,565 --> 00:36:56,805 . It's about can I, am I comfortable enough? 917 00:36:56,805 --> 00:36:59,405 Safe enough? Is there enough of something between us? 918 00:36:59,645 --> 00:37:01,845 'cause it's not all, we've been married a hundred years 919 00:37:01,905 --> 00:37:03,485 and we're gonna be together forever kind of thing. 920 00:37:03,745 --> 00:37:05,485 Do I feel secure enough in this connection? 921 00:37:05,485 --> 00:37:07,445 Then I can go to you and go, I'm 922 00:37:07,465 --> 00:37:09,805 so glad we could be together for a scene. 923 00:37:10,945 --> 00:37:13,525 Um, can we talk about how it went down? 924 00:37:13,705 --> 00:37:15,125 Can we talk about the next scene? 925 00:37:15,125 --> 00:37:17,645 Here's some things that I would have, you know, would like 926 00:37:17,645 --> 00:37:20,005 to experience, like figuring out the best way to, 927 00:37:20,185 --> 00:37:21,365 to have the conversation. 928 00:37:21,965 --> 00:37:22,685 Absolutely. Depends on the 929 00:37:22,685 --> 00:37:24,005 interpersonal relationship to you. 930 00:37:24,125 --> 00:37:27,095 I could go, how do you feel about that? 931 00:37:27,115 --> 00:37:29,095 And we're usually on the same wavelength you would go, 932 00:37:29,095 --> 00:37:30,135 that was not my best. 933 00:37:30,135 --> 00:37:32,975 No. And I'd go, it was not your worst, but you, 934 00:37:33,275 --> 00:37:34,975 - It definitely wasn't my best either. Yeah. 935 00:37:34,975 --> 00:37:36,095 - What do we wanna do next? Right. 936 00:37:36,195 --> 00:37:38,135 We have that kind of relationship. Mm-Hmm. . 937 00:37:38,355 --> 00:37:40,415 But the ability to have the, 938 00:37:40,415 --> 00:37:42,655 what might feel like a difficult conversation to do. 939 00:37:42,975 --> 00:37:46,015 Critical feedback of I didn't quite get what I needed. 940 00:37:46,205 --> 00:37:48,575 What can we do next time without, you know, 941 00:37:48,575 --> 00:37:49,695 being insulting or whatever. 942 00:37:49,695 --> 00:37:51,575 Mm-Hmm. . Like, that's an important part of any 943 00:37:52,085 --> 00:37:53,215 ongoing dynamic. 944 00:37:53,565 --> 00:37:54,615 Sure. And, 945 00:37:55,195 --> 00:37:56,815 - And, and that's something we kind 946 00:37:56,815 --> 00:38:00,335 of started early on in the beginning to, you know, uh, 947 00:38:00,335 --> 00:38:02,375 call it what you will, but like, debrief 948 00:38:02,425 --> 00:38:03,615 after a scene. Mm-Hmm. . 949 00:38:03,635 --> 00:38:06,695 - Mm-Hmm. . So if you've got the 950 00:38:07,315 --> 00:38:11,655 am I just a notch praise doesn't feel genuine 951 00:38:11,795 --> 00:38:15,015 and authentic and I didn't have a good scene 952 00:38:15,235 --> 00:38:17,535 and, you know, I think it's adding up to something. 953 00:38:17,915 --> 00:38:20,055 Is it possible it's adding up to, you know, 954 00:38:20,055 --> 00:38:21,695 your own insecurities getting in your way. 955 00:38:21,805 --> 00:38:22,935 Sure. Of course. 956 00:38:23,835 --> 00:38:26,615 Is it possible that your instincts are telling you Hmm. 957 00:38:26,875 --> 00:38:29,735 May maybe this isn't what I thought this was also. Sure. 958 00:38:29,735 --> 00:38:31,575 Mm-Hmm. the first step is always can you 959 00:38:31,575 --> 00:38:32,615 have a conversation about it? 960 00:38:33,595 --> 00:38:36,085 And can you try at least try and what is their reaction? 961 00:38:36,085 --> 00:38:38,565 Mm-Hmm. like if this person is just 962 00:38:38,995 --> 00:38:40,565 gathering up subs, right? 963 00:38:40,565 --> 00:38:43,525 Yeah. I think somebody said a harem in the live street chat 964 00:38:43,525 --> 00:38:44,645 mirror, um, 965 00:38:45,265 --> 00:38:47,645 and their immediate reaction is negative 966 00:38:47,645 --> 00:38:49,325 deflection, not my fault. 967 00:38:49,585 --> 00:38:51,725 You're full of shit, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. 968 00:38:52,085 --> 00:38:54,725 I feel like then whatever your instincts are about the, the, 969 00:38:55,025 --> 00:38:56,965 the negativity of this relationship, the bad side. 970 00:38:57,265 --> 00:38:59,125 Mm-Hmm. . They've just proven it to you. Yeah. 971 00:38:59,125 --> 00:39:00,325 Like, you don't have to give more time 972 00:39:00,325 --> 00:39:01,525 and energy to quote, fix it. 973 00:39:02,025 --> 00:39:04,165 Let us just remove ourselves from the hair. Mm-Hmm. 974 00:39:04,205 --> 00:39:05,045 at that point. Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. 975 00:39:05,105 --> 00:39:07,205 But if they're like, oh shit, that's not what I wanted. 976 00:39:07,205 --> 00:39:09,285 That's, you know, that's not, I was trying 977 00:39:09,345 --> 00:39:13,405 and Oh God, okay, let's talk about this then. 978 00:39:13,495 --> 00:39:15,645 Maybe there's something salvageable there. 979 00:39:16,755 --> 00:39:18,245 - Yeah. I know. 980 00:39:18,665 --> 00:39:20,605 And, and Raro brings up that, you know, some, 981 00:39:20,675 --> 00:39:22,765 some submissive may be hesitant. 982 00:39:22,905 --> 00:39:24,125 Mm-Hmm. to share their 983 00:39:24,125 --> 00:39:25,165 feelings with their government. 984 00:39:25,285 --> 00:39:26,165 - Absolute fucking literally. - Which, which 985 00:39:26,165 --> 00:39:27,645 is absolutely true. But 986 00:39:27,905 --> 00:39:29,285 - You still gotta do it. You, you 987 00:39:29,285 --> 00:39:31,485 - Still gotta do it because in the long run 988 00:39:31,635 --> 00:39:33,965 that is actually doing a disservice Right. 989 00:39:34,105 --> 00:39:37,205 To the relationship. Because it, it's a, it's a matter, 990 00:39:37,745 --> 00:39:41,165 you know, in, in any relationship, kinky, non kinky, 991 00:39:41,445 --> 00:39:43,965 whatever, whatever it is that you, you do that you like, 992 00:39:44,385 --> 00:39:46,445 you know, it's about growth. 993 00:39:46,785 --> 00:39:47,885 And if somebody doesn't know 994 00:39:48,475 --> 00:39:50,405 what the other one is feeling, right. 995 00:39:50,425 --> 00:39:52,925 Or, you know, there, there is no room for growth 996 00:39:52,925 --> 00:39:54,205 - At that point, and they're not that getting their needs 997 00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:55,325 met, they're dissatisfied. 998 00:39:55,325 --> 00:39:58,005 Right. I mean, we don't know anything about this dom. 999 00:39:58,145 --> 00:40:01,045 And so is it that they're collecting submissives 1000 00:40:01,045 --> 00:40:02,325 and they just, they just wanna be able 1001 00:40:02,325 --> 00:40:03,645 to say they have a number and they don't actually 1002 00:40:03,645 --> 00:40:05,005 genuinely care for, I mean Yes. 1003 00:40:05,265 --> 00:40:06,365 Yes. We've mm-Hmm. 1004 00:40:06,405 --> 00:40:08,205 any of us who have spent any time in the kink 1005 00:40:08,205 --> 00:40:10,405 space online, we have seen some version of that. 1006 00:40:10,675 --> 00:40:13,765 Yeah. But is it also possible, 1007 00:40:13,765 --> 00:40:15,125 maybe not equally possible , 1008 00:40:15,125 --> 00:40:17,645 but possible that he wants 1009 00:40:17,665 --> 00:40:19,805 to have a good relationship with this person. 1010 00:40:19,825 --> 00:40:21,245 He wants to give them what they need, 1011 00:40:22,185 --> 00:40:24,645 but doms aren't mind readers and, 1012 00:40:24,665 --> 00:40:28,205 and truly the, a good test, not a perfect one, 1013 00:40:28,205 --> 00:40:30,325 not the ultimate one, but a good test of, 1014 00:40:30,865 --> 00:40:33,845 is this person actually trying, or do they want to try 1015 00:40:33,845 --> 00:40:34,965 and have something good with me? 1016 00:40:35,425 --> 00:40:37,005 You know, as much as I wanna have something good with them, 1017 00:40:37,545 --> 00:40:41,245 is how they will eventually at least respond to feedback 1018 00:40:41,425 --> 00:40:43,365 and respond to you going, Hey, I'm 1019 00:40:43,385 --> 00:40:45,885 so glad we could be together and have this, 1020 00:40:46,065 --> 00:40:48,125 but I I'm not getting some of what I need, 1021 00:40:48,145 --> 00:40:49,245 or this is how I feel. 1022 00:40:49,375 --> 00:40:52,285 Right. You know, I think we had this conversation in a very 1023 00:40:52,285 --> 00:40:53,285 recent episode 1024 00:40:53,975 --> 00:40:57,245 where sometimes the initial reaction is negative 'cause 1025 00:40:57,845 --> 00:40:58,925 'cause they feel attacked and they're 1026 00:40:58,925 --> 00:41:00,045 not handling themselves well. 1027 00:41:01,065 --> 00:41:03,725 And you know, you get to decide for yourself if you're gonna 1028 00:41:04,325 --> 00:41:05,925 tolerate a relationship where they, they have 1029 00:41:05,925 --> 00:41:07,445 that immediate reaction before they cool down 1030 00:41:07,445 --> 00:41:09,005 and can have a fucking conversation with you. 1031 00:41:09,145 --> 00:41:10,925 But if they can come back to the table 1032 00:41:10,925 --> 00:41:12,205 and have a conversation with you, 1033 00:41:12,205 --> 00:41:13,725 then you've got something to build upon. 1034 00:41:13,955 --> 00:41:15,125 Yeah. And if they cannot, 1035 00:41:15,425 --> 00:41:18,725 if they stay in deflection blaming, you know Mm-Hmm. 1036 00:41:18,765 --> 00:41:21,045 blame and shame you kind of moat to me 1037 00:41:21,045 --> 00:41:22,045 that tells you the, 1038 00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:23,845 the question you should ask yourself then is, 1039 00:41:23,845 --> 00:41:25,045 what the fuck am I doing here? 1040 00:41:25,985 --> 00:41:30,125 If, if you cannot hear me say that I'm not a hundred 1041 00:41:30,305 --> 00:41:33,365 and percent completely satisfied with you all 1042 00:41:33,365 --> 00:41:37,045 of the fucking time, if your ego can't fucking stand it, 1043 00:41:37,195 --> 00:41:38,725 then what the fuck are we doing here? 1044 00:41:38,795 --> 00:41:40,925 Because as you have said many times, 1045 00:41:41,065 --> 00:41:43,925 and we say all the time, it becomes a revelation 1046 00:41:43,945 --> 00:41:45,965 to some people, doms aren't perfect. 1047 00:41:45,975 --> 00:41:47,765 Right. You're not fucking mind readers. No. 1048 00:41:47,765 --> 00:41:49,365 And you're gonna get it wrong at times. 1049 00:41:49,665 --> 00:41:51,285 And sometimes it's not even getting it wrong. 1050 00:41:51,395 --> 00:41:55,885 It's just a, you were going for an experience, a situation. 1051 00:41:55,885 --> 00:41:56,685 Mm-Hmm. . And it didn't 1052 00:41:56,685 --> 00:41:57,765 work the way you intended. 1053 00:41:58,105 --> 00:42:01,965 And that is not, that is not to, for somebody to bring 1054 00:42:01,965 --> 00:42:03,445 that up is not a mark against your 1055 00:42:03,445 --> 00:42:04,765 ability to be a fucking dominant. 1056 00:42:05,155 --> 00:42:06,325 It's just a, Hey, 1057 00:42:06,625 --> 00:42:08,725 let me give you the feedback so the next time Mm-Hmm. 1058 00:42:08,765 --> 00:42:09,565 , we can have a good 1059 00:42:09,935 --> 00:42:11,045 scene together. Right. Can, 1060 00:42:11,175 --> 00:42:12,005 - Let's make it better. We can 1061 00:42:12,085 --> 00:42:13,245 - Continue forward in a good way. 1062 00:42:13,345 --> 00:42:15,365 Mm-Hmm. . And yes, I absolutely recognize 1063 00:42:15,365 --> 00:42:17,085 that Simos find that very difficult to do. 1064 00:42:17,345 --> 00:42:20,645 And I am happy to be the ambassador that says, I need you 1065 00:42:20,645 --> 00:42:23,085 to get the fuck over that in whatever way you need to do 1066 00:42:23,505 --> 00:42:25,965 and start having hard conversations. Yeah. 1067 00:42:26,195 --> 00:42:27,445 - What she said, okay, 1068 00:42:28,465 --> 00:42:29,465 - It ain't easy. 1069 00:42:29,605 --> 00:42:30,645 I mean, I was ready 1070 00:42:30,665 --> 00:42:33,125 to swallow my tongue the first time I had 1071 00:42:33,145 --> 00:42:35,325 to tell JB something negative, had 1072 00:42:35,325 --> 00:42:37,045 to physically write it down on paper 1073 00:42:37,115 --> 00:42:38,645 because it couldn't say the words, 1074 00:42:39,145 --> 00:42:40,605 but the conversation had to happen. 1075 00:42:41,355 --> 00:42:42,365 Just does Mm-Hmm. 1076 00:42:42,445 --> 00:42:46,765 and either shitty partners wave a red flag. 1077 00:42:46,825 --> 00:42:48,485 So, you know, let this one go. 1078 00:42:49,145 --> 00:42:51,805 And a good partner or a potentially good partner goes, okay, 1079 00:42:51,805 --> 00:42:53,725 this is hard for me to hear and this is hard for me to take, 1080 00:42:54,545 --> 00:42:55,565 but let's have the conversation. 1081 00:42:55,635 --> 00:42:56,925 Yeah. Right. So, 1082 00:42:58,395 --> 00:42:59,395 - Deep breath. 1083 00:43:02,355 --> 00:43:05,205 - Okay. Oh, 1084 00:43:06,605 --> 00:43:08,725 I didn't know that one was gonna make me 1085 00:43:08,725 --> 00:43:10,005 ramp, but here we're 1086 00:43:10,405 --> 00:43:11,405 - . 1087 00:43:12,755 --> 00:43:14,925 - Okay. So this next one is not heavy, 1088 00:43:15,105 --> 00:43:16,325 but it gave me immediate thoughts 1089 00:43:16,325 --> 00:43:17,405 and I wondered what your thoughts were 1090 00:43:17,405 --> 00:43:18,565 and if they match up to my thoughts. 1091 00:43:18,675 --> 00:43:22,525 Okay. Hmm. This one is feeling more submissive when low 1092 00:43:22,625 --> 00:43:24,525 energy, too long didn't read. 1093 00:43:24,585 --> 00:43:27,245 My dominant partner is discovering being submissive 1094 00:43:27,245 --> 00:43:28,845 for the first time in their life with me, 1095 00:43:29,225 --> 00:43:31,485 but only gets in that mindset when low energy. 1096 00:43:31,595 --> 00:43:32,605 Here we go. Hi, all. 1097 00:43:33,025 --> 00:43:35,565 I'm currently in my first ever romantic relationship 1098 00:43:35,565 --> 00:43:37,045 that also involves ds. 1099 00:43:37,265 --> 00:43:39,125 And when I started dating my partner a year ago, 1100 00:43:39,125 --> 00:43:41,205 they were certain they were a hundred percent dominant 1101 00:43:41,205 --> 00:43:43,045 without any interest for switching. 1102 00:43:43,185 --> 00:43:46,125 Having been a dom in BDSM context for 10 plus years, 1103 00:43:46,575 --> 00:43:48,085 while I was happy to be their sub 1104 00:43:48,085 --> 00:43:49,805 and explore new things through that lens. 1105 00:43:50,105 --> 00:43:52,445 As a newbie ster, I always quote warned them 1106 00:43:52,445 --> 00:43:54,165 that there might be new things I wish 1107 00:43:54,165 --> 00:43:55,285 to discover through my journey. 1108 00:43:55,675 --> 00:43:58,005 They always said they'd let me try things on them if I ever 1109 00:43:58,005 --> 00:44:00,605 wanted, with a caveat that it's not really going 1110 00:44:00,605 --> 00:44:01,765 to do anything for them. 1111 00:44:02,025 --> 00:44:04,125 And that when they tried subbing in the past, 1112 00:44:04,555 --> 00:44:06,885 that was not a pleasant experience as the loss 1113 00:44:06,885 --> 00:44:08,445 of control didn't agree with them. 1114 00:44:09,315 --> 00:44:11,685 Well, about six months into the relationship, 1115 00:44:11,745 --> 00:44:14,565 my partner started to sometimes act submissive towards me. 1116 00:44:15,105 --> 00:44:16,765 I'm really appreciative for their openness 1117 00:44:16,765 --> 00:44:18,245 and the ability to be vulnerable with me. 1118 00:44:18,495 --> 00:44:19,925 After this happened a couple 1119 00:44:19,925 --> 00:44:22,565 of times they mentioned this is the first instance. 1120 00:44:22,585 --> 00:44:24,885 They'd actually enjoyed such role reversal 1121 00:44:24,885 --> 00:44:26,325 because they can really trust me. 1122 00:44:26,955 --> 00:44:29,165 This is not a particularly common occurrence still. 1123 00:44:29,185 --> 00:44:32,005 And I haven't really consciously planned any dumbing scenes 1124 00:44:32,005 --> 00:44:33,365 for them or anything like that. 1125 00:44:33,715 --> 00:44:35,405 However, what I noticed is 1126 00:44:35,405 --> 00:44:37,845 that pretty much every time my partner got into the 1127 00:44:37,845 --> 00:44:40,085 submissive mood was when they were low energy. 1128 00:44:40,085 --> 00:44:41,725 Like after a long and active day, 1129 00:44:42,105 --> 00:44:43,245 not having had enough sleep, 1130 00:44:43,245 --> 00:44:44,485 feeling a bit under the weather. 1131 00:44:45,085 --> 00:44:47,525 I wonder if any switches out here feel a similar way. 1132 00:44:47,875 --> 00:44:49,365 Like you only wanna sub when you 1133 00:44:49,445 --> 00:44:50,525 don't have the energy to do. 1134 00:44:50,865 --> 00:44:53,605 Or if anyone else had a quote subby awakening when they were 1135 00:44:53,605 --> 00:44:54,885 particularly exhausted. 1136 00:44:55,235 --> 00:44:58,085 Another point that makes me slightly uneasy is 1137 00:44:58,085 --> 00:45:00,445 that if this is the only scenario where I get 1138 00:45:00,445 --> 00:45:02,005 to dom my partner, it starts 1139 00:45:02,005 --> 00:45:04,365 to feel a bit exploit exploitative. 1140 00:45:06,265 --> 00:45:09,125 Uh, even though on all occasions my partner still initiated 1141 00:45:09,145 --> 00:45:10,485 and we both enjoyed the sessions. 1142 00:45:10,665 --> 00:45:12,845 So safe to assume they felt well enough to go on. 1143 00:45:13,345 --> 00:45:15,845 Any advice on how to reframe this in my mind? 1144 00:45:16,065 --> 00:45:17,365 So I can't answer on the switching. 1145 00:45:17,385 --> 00:45:19,605 I'm not gonna try switches. Feel free to chime in. 1146 00:45:19,885 --> 00:45:21,485 'cause I, that ain't, that ain't my wheelhouse. Mm-Hmm. 1147 00:45:21,525 --> 00:45:24,125 - , I mean, the, the, the only thing I, I 1148 00:45:25,855 --> 00:45:27,965 thing I can feel to say, and, 1149 00:45:28,025 --> 00:45:31,605 and that's from having listened to some switches, you know, 1150 00:45:32,185 --> 00:45:37,005 um, I, I don't believe, you know, it's, it's a, 1151 00:45:37,205 --> 00:45:38,845 a switch to say, you know, oh, 1152 00:45:38,865 --> 00:45:41,085 I'm gonna be big D this moment and you know, 1153 00:45:41,085 --> 00:45:44,005 and next moment I'm gonna be sure little less. 1154 00:45:44,865 --> 00:45:47,605 Um, I think there are certain things that, 1155 00:45:48,035 --> 00:45:49,725 that bring that about. 1156 00:45:49,825 --> 00:45:54,605 Mm-Hmm. . So I am not surprised to think that 1157 00:45:54,605 --> 00:45:57,045 after this person maybe had a long day, 1158 00:45:57,045 --> 00:45:58,725 that they're exceedingly tired, you know, 1159 00:45:58,725 --> 00:46:00,325 that the day may have been stressful. 1160 00:46:00,585 --> 00:46:05,205 And to them that may they trigger, okay, I, I, 1161 00:46:06,675 --> 00:46:09,765 this happened and, and I need to let it go and, 1162 00:46:09,865 --> 00:46:12,085 and let somebody else step up. 1163 00:46:12,225 --> 00:46:14,245 - The immediate thing I thought about, and it's 1164 00:46:14,245 --> 00:46:15,365 because I can relate to the feeling. 1165 00:46:15,505 --> 00:46:17,125 So I'm mm-Hmm. , I'm putting my 1166 00:46:17,145 --> 00:46:18,285 own stuff on this. 1167 00:46:18,435 --> 00:46:19,965 This could be completely not true at all. 1168 00:46:20,385 --> 00:46:22,565 But the thought, the thing I immediately thought I 1169 00:46:22,565 --> 00:46:25,405 immediately had was how I, it's a thing, a part 1170 00:46:25,405 --> 00:46:28,525 of my submission I fought against of being a baby girl. 1171 00:46:28,525 --> 00:46:31,365 And for, for me being on the spectrum of littles, 1172 00:46:31,385 --> 00:46:33,925 I'm not saying this person that their subside is like that, 1173 00:46:34,345 --> 00:46:36,965 but it was the desire to be taken care of. 1174 00:46:36,965 --> 00:46:38,805 Mm-Hmm. . I want somebody to take care of me. 1175 00:46:38,845 --> 00:46:40,925 I want somebody to be a caregiver, to nurture, 1176 00:46:41,465 --> 00:46:43,525 to look after me. 1177 00:46:44,025 --> 00:46:46,205 And it is in, we cannot know. 1178 00:46:46,325 --> 00:46:48,765 'cause we don't know the, the other person's thoughts 1179 00:46:49,065 --> 00:46:52,205 and their experience, but it is entirely possible that one, 1180 00:46:52,635 --> 00:46:54,125 because of this relationship 1181 00:46:54,125 --> 00:46:55,885 where they've said they feel safe enough. 1182 00:46:55,885 --> 00:46:59,205 Mm-Hmm. . And two, for at least right now, 1183 00:47:00,555 --> 00:47:02,805 they feel they're able to be submissive 1184 00:47:02,805 --> 00:47:05,045 or let their submissive side out in a moment 1185 00:47:05,065 --> 00:47:07,605 of vulnerability where they're just yes, 1186 00:47:07,795 --> 00:47:09,125 they got no more to give. 1187 00:47:09,185 --> 00:47:11,165 Mm-Hmm. . And now, and 1188 00:47:11,165 --> 00:47:12,565 however they interpret it in their mind 1189 00:47:12,565 --> 00:47:14,165 and it feels for them, it's a, let's, 1190 00:47:14,165 --> 00:47:15,645 can somebody else take care of me? 1191 00:47:15,645 --> 00:47:18,565 Mm-Hmm. , can you decide? Can you be the one? 1192 00:47:19,065 --> 00:47:22,485 And I would say that, you know, part of it is 1193 00:47:22,485 --> 00:47:25,285 because they were so firm in the beginning that, oh, 1194 00:47:25,385 --> 00:47:27,045 I'm totally a hundred percent dom. 1195 00:47:27,095 --> 00:47:31,045 Right? And then they found the right relationship 1196 00:47:31,075 --> 00:47:32,365 with the person that brought it out. 1197 00:47:32,485 --> 00:47:33,885 'em, and they felt safe enough. Mm-Hmm. . 1198 00:47:33,885 --> 00:47:35,445 And the intimacy was there and blah blah. 1199 00:47:35,445 --> 00:47:39,125 And their guard is coming down that this might be for now 1200 00:47:39,665 --> 00:47:41,245 the only way they can express it. 1201 00:47:41,595 --> 00:47:43,005 Because if you have decided 1202 00:47:43,105 --> 00:47:45,005 and proclaimed for anybody to hear 1203 00:47:45,315 --> 00:47:47,445 that you are a hundred percent anything, 1204 00:47:48,155 --> 00:47:49,725 even if you've tried, even if you're 1205 00:47:49,725 --> 00:47:50,845 open to the idea Mm-Hmm. 1206 00:47:50,885 --> 00:47:52,565 to discover that there's a part of you 1207 00:47:52,565 --> 00:47:54,405 that is not, that 100% 1208 00:47:55,345 --> 00:47:57,645 can feel a little jarring. 1209 00:47:57,645 --> 00:47:59,365 Like, I think different people 1210 00:47:59,365 --> 00:48:00,445 have different feelings about it. 1211 00:48:00,545 --> 00:48:02,405 Mm-Hmm. . But it would not be uncommon to go, 1212 00:48:02,405 --> 00:48:03,645 wait, was I completely wrong? 1213 00:48:03,745 --> 00:48:04,925 Do I not know myself? 1214 00:48:05,545 --> 00:48:07,685 Or to have that moment of, oh, 1215 00:48:07,825 --> 00:48:10,045 in this moment when I'm just super tired 1216 00:48:10,105 --> 00:48:12,805 or I don't feel good, yeah, I can let go. 1217 00:48:12,805 --> 00:48:16,045 Because look at me, I'm really like, you can kind of like, 1218 00:48:16,965 --> 00:48:18,005 I don't use the word, 1219 00:48:18,105 --> 00:48:20,565 I'm not saying make excuses like in a negative connotation, 1220 00:48:20,565 --> 00:48:23,005 but like you can tell yourself all kinds of things 1221 00:48:23,105 --> 00:48:24,565 for why you can do it now. 1222 00:48:24,565 --> 00:48:26,485 Mm-Hmm. that you can't do it in another 1223 00:48:26,485 --> 00:48:30,405 context because you're not quite ready for yourself 1224 00:48:30,505 --> 00:48:33,165 to commit to the fact of, oh, with this person 1225 00:48:33,305 --> 00:48:36,245 and in the relationship we've cultivated, yeah. 1226 00:48:36,285 --> 00:48:37,565 I can be submissive and I feel 1227 00:48:37,565 --> 00:48:38,765 safe within myself to do that. 1228 00:48:39,505 --> 00:48:41,365 So you have to, you know, you find that moment 1229 00:48:41,365 --> 00:48:42,525 where it feels kind of easy 1230 00:48:43,345 --> 00:48:45,205 or your guard is down a little bit 1231 00:48:45,345 --> 00:48:49,165 or whatever, whatever, you know, again, 1232 00:48:49,515 --> 00:48:50,685 it's gonna be different for everybody. 1233 00:48:50,885 --> 00:48:52,885 I True, true. Would love for switches to act, 1234 00:48:52,905 --> 00:48:54,365 to chime in with actual experience. 1235 00:48:54,365 --> 00:48:55,605 Mm-Hmm. , because we don't have that. 1236 00:48:55,985 --> 00:48:59,165 But when I, when, when they were talking about how 1237 00:49:00,575 --> 00:49:03,085 their partner can only get subby when they're in that, 1238 00:49:03,635 --> 00:49:06,485 that I'm needy kind of mo mode. 1239 00:49:06,625 --> 00:49:07,765 I'm like that, that's somebody 1240 00:49:07,825 --> 00:49:09,605 who maybe they wouldn't use the words, 1241 00:49:09,665 --> 00:49:11,805 but that's a please take care of me vibe. 1242 00:49:12,075 --> 00:49:14,605 Yeah. I can submit to you because you're taking care of me 1243 00:49:14,605 --> 00:49:15,805 because I'm in that moment where I 1244 00:49:15,805 --> 00:49:16,885 need somebody to take care of me. 1245 00:49:17,225 --> 00:49:18,805 And if that's their entry point 1246 00:49:19,035 --> 00:49:20,605 with this particular partner, or in 1247 00:49:20,605 --> 00:49:21,685 general, I think that's fine. 1248 00:49:22,305 --> 00:49:24,205 It doesn't have to have the caregiver vibe. 1249 00:49:24,205 --> 00:49:25,645 Like they don't have to use any of the, 1250 00:49:25,665 --> 00:49:27,085 the language or the labels of that. 1251 00:49:27,145 --> 00:49:28,765 But that can be where it starts. 1252 00:49:29,405 --> 00:49:33,005 I mean, I I used to feel really guilty 1253 00:49:33,345 --> 00:49:34,765 before I understood what kink was. 1254 00:49:34,765 --> 00:49:36,445 And before I understood that I was a submissive 1255 00:49:36,865 --> 00:49:39,885 for desperately wanting somebody to fucking take care of me, 1256 00:49:40,275 --> 00:49:45,205 because I had been raised in the sort of the late eighties, 1257 00:49:45,645 --> 00:49:47,565 nineties tradition of if, you know, you need 1258 00:49:47,565 --> 00:49:49,725 to be an independent woman, you don't need no fucking man. 1259 00:49:49,725 --> 00:49:51,925 And I was like, I mean, technically no, 1260 00:49:51,925 --> 00:49:53,285 but I'd like one , 1261 00:49:54,285 --> 00:49:56,285 I like somebody to tell me what to do. 1262 00:49:56,485 --> 00:49:58,565 I please, you know, and then poof. 1263 00:49:58,625 --> 00:49:59,765 Oh, oh, you're submissive. 1264 00:49:59,765 --> 00:50:01,445 And I'm like, oh, that makes a lot more sense. 1265 00:50:02,145 --> 00:50:05,645 Um, so that, I mean, that's purely like subjective. 1266 00:50:05,705 --> 00:50:08,245 Now, the part where, um, 1267 00:50:08,985 --> 00:50:10,725 let me find the question again. 1268 00:50:11,935 --> 00:50:14,605 Where they're like, you know, it feels a bit, um, 1269 00:50:15,885 --> 00:50:17,645 exploitative, exploitative, I know, I'm, 1270 00:50:17,745 --> 00:50:18,765 I'm fucking over that word. 1271 00:50:20,075 --> 00:50:22,205 That I think is maybe 1272 00:50:22,205 --> 00:50:25,125 because they haven't really had the conversation of 1273 00:50:25,155 --> 00:50:27,365 what their partner is getting out of this moment. 1274 00:50:27,475 --> 00:50:30,365 What they need, what they like, how it's working for them. 1275 00:50:30,555 --> 00:50:34,205 Because at that point now you are projecting your fears 1276 00:50:34,205 --> 00:50:35,765 that you're taking advantage of them. 1277 00:50:36,275 --> 00:50:37,565 Have, have they said that? 1278 00:50:37,565 --> 00:50:39,285 Have they indicated, you know, 1279 00:50:39,545 --> 00:50:40,645 if you haven't had a conversation 1280 00:50:40,645 --> 00:50:42,525 or you need to have a conversation, like, I see this 1281 00:50:42,525 --> 00:50:45,205 and I see this is when we're doing this, you know, 1282 00:50:45,595 --> 00:50:46,885 this is how it's making me feel. 1283 00:50:46,945 --> 00:50:48,765 Can we talk this through? Um, 1284 00:50:49,505 --> 00:50:52,085 and especially if they are fully engaged 1285 00:50:52,085 --> 00:50:53,165 with you when you're doing it 1286 00:50:53,185 --> 00:50:55,565 and they have the ability to withdraw consent, 1287 00:50:55,665 --> 00:50:58,725 and you know you're not actually pressuring them, then yeah. 1288 00:50:58,755 --> 00:51:01,925 Have the conversation and let them explicitly say, this is 1289 00:51:01,925 --> 00:51:03,685 what I want, this is working for me. 1290 00:51:04,785 --> 00:51:09,085 Um, advice on how to reframe it in their mind. 1291 00:51:09,605 --> 00:51:14,045 I don't, jbs off behind the camera watching Lola 1292 00:51:14,045 --> 00:51:15,485 outside lose her shit. 1293 00:51:16,985 --> 00:51:18,565 He might have a better thought, 1294 00:51:18,565 --> 00:51:21,085 but I have to get him back to the microphone 1295 00:51:21,345 --> 00:51:22,565 and in front of the camera 1296 00:51:23,505 --> 00:51:24,505 - The concepts. 1297 00:51:25,525 --> 00:51:28,245 - L la l la Lola. - She is being a 1298 00:51:28,545 --> 00:51:29,545 - She is. 1299 00:51:29,635 --> 00:51:30,765 Okay. So the f 1300 00:51:30,765 --> 00:51:32,005 - She, she's in her mood today. 1301 00:51:32,265 --> 00:51:34,805 - The final part of this, uh, this person's post Mm-Hmm. 1302 00:51:34,845 --> 00:51:35,845 that I don't know 1303 00:51:36,465 --> 00:51:37,685 if I have any good thoughts on. 1304 00:51:37,825 --> 00:51:41,165 All right. Is if you have any advice on how they can reframe 1305 00:51:42,305 --> 00:51:44,165 how they're feeling about their partner's submission 1306 00:51:44,165 --> 00:51:47,245 and how it fe how they're feeling about it in their mind, 1307 00:51:47,245 --> 00:51:48,925 - That to reframe that Mm-Hmm. 1308 00:51:48,965 --> 00:51:52,125 in all 1309 00:51:52,405 --> 00:51:54,285 honesty, I, I don't know. 1310 00:51:56,045 --> 00:51:57,845 - I really think it comes down to talking 1311 00:51:57,845 --> 00:51:59,685 to your partner and trusting your partner. Well, 1312 00:51:59,685 --> 00:52:02,485 - There, there has to be a conversation, obviously. 1313 00:52:04,145 --> 00:52:05,925 Um, you know, 1314 00:52:05,925 --> 00:52:08,925 because Yeah, I, I agree with you a hundred percent. 1315 00:52:09,505 --> 00:52:13,005 You know about the, that she says it, 1316 00:52:13,065 --> 00:52:14,765 it feels exploitative. 1317 00:52:15,545 --> 00:52:19,645 Um, I, I think Yeah. The, the person is being vulnerable. 1318 00:52:19,785 --> 00:52:21,165 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 1319 00:52:21,205 --> 00:52:22,205 more than when they're able 1320 00:52:22,205 --> 00:52:23,485 to let their guard down than, yeah. 1321 00:52:24,065 --> 00:52:25,765 - And I mean, I think it's commendable that you've, 1322 00:52:25,765 --> 00:52:26,885 they've developed a relationship 1323 00:52:26,885 --> 00:52:28,045 where this person feels that safe. 1324 00:52:28,045 --> 00:52:29,285 Mm-Hmm. , there are a lot of things. 1325 00:52:29,465 --> 00:52:32,205 You and I have had this conversation many times in the past. 1326 00:52:32,415 --> 00:52:34,165 There are a lot of things you might start out at the 1327 00:52:34,165 --> 00:52:35,805 beginning of a relationship going, I don't do this. 1328 00:52:36,005 --> 00:52:37,325 I won't do this. I don't like that. 1329 00:52:37,765 --> 00:52:40,525 Whatever, whatever, based on previous experiences with it 1330 00:52:40,525 --> 00:52:42,245 and how you, how you did it. 1331 00:52:42,255 --> 00:52:46,445 Right. And or how you think that that kink thing 1332 00:52:47,335 --> 00:52:48,525 works and what will happen. 1333 00:52:48,675 --> 00:52:53,005 Yeah. And then as you feel safe, as you develop the trust 1334 00:52:53,025 --> 00:52:56,125 and the bond with your partner, as you have experiences 1335 00:52:56,275 --> 00:52:58,845 that don't threaten any boundaries at all with them, 1336 00:52:58,945 --> 00:53:01,045 and you, you realize who they are 1337 00:53:01,105 --> 00:53:02,845 and who you are with them, then Yeah. 1338 00:53:02,925 --> 00:53:04,405 A lot of people will go, oh, well, 1339 00:53:04,405 --> 00:53:05,885 let me rethink one or two of those things. 1340 00:53:05,915 --> 00:53:08,525 Yeah. The other thing that's keep telling in this is that 1341 00:53:09,075 --> 00:53:10,125 this partner had had 1342 00:53:10,125 --> 00:53:12,205 that first subbing experience and hadn't liked it. 1343 00:53:12,205 --> 00:53:14,445 Well, then my question would be, what kind 1344 00:53:14,445 --> 00:53:15,645 of sub experience was that? 1345 00:53:15,645 --> 00:53:17,005 And how is that differing from this one? 1346 00:53:17,005 --> 00:53:19,485 Because was it a dynamic that didn't work for them? 1347 00:53:20,065 --> 00:53:22,765 Was it the type of submission that did not hit any 1348 00:53:22,825 --> 00:53:26,325 of their buttons and this one, this type, 1349 00:53:26,325 --> 00:53:28,085 however they're engaging and it does, does. 1350 00:53:28,635 --> 00:53:30,285 Yeah. But yeah, to reframe it, 1351 00:53:30,405 --> 00:53:32,045 I don't think you necessarily do that on your own. 1352 00:53:32,045 --> 00:53:34,165 Mm-Hmm. I think you just have a conversation Yeah. 1353 00:53:34,165 --> 00:53:36,165 With your partner and you fucking trust them if they 1354 00:53:36,165 --> 00:53:37,325 say, this is what I want. 1355 00:53:37,325 --> 00:53:39,005 This feels good to me. But assuming they have 1356 00:53:39,005 --> 00:53:40,885 earned your trust, but you know what I mean? Like, I, 1357 00:53:41,005 --> 00:53:43,805 - I, I think that's probably Yeah, 1358 00:53:43,815 --> 00:53:47,445 definitely a conversation, uh, about, you know, what, 1359 00:53:47,445 --> 00:53:49,285 what's going on from both sides. 1360 00:53:49,945 --> 00:53:53,805 And, and I think what needs to happen too, just like any 1361 00:53:55,165 --> 00:53:58,765 relationship, you know, you, you have to set boundaries. 1362 00:53:58,825 --> 00:54:03,045 You have, you know, this is a soft limit. 1363 00:54:03,115 --> 00:54:04,245 This may be a hard limit. 1364 00:54:05,065 --> 00:54:08,805 And, and I think maybe, um, with, with this, 1365 00:54:09,015 --> 00:54:11,685 there may not have, has been that conversation Mm-Hmm. 1366 00:54:11,725 --> 00:54:12,725 that they've not set 1367 00:54:12,725 --> 00:54:13,965 boundaries for what, what, 1368 00:54:13,965 --> 00:54:15,685 - And it's just sort of happening Mm-Hmm. 1369 00:54:15,725 --> 00:54:17,325 organically, which is, is nice, 1370 00:54:17,325 --> 00:54:19,525 especially in a, an established relationship 1371 00:54:19,525 --> 00:54:20,805 where you feel safe to do that. 1372 00:54:20,985 --> 00:54:22,245 But also that just 1373 00:54:22,245 --> 00:54:24,285 because something happens organically does not mean there 1374 00:54:24,285 --> 00:54:25,405 doesn't need to be a conversation 1375 00:54:25,645 --> 00:54:26,645 - . 1376 00:54:26,645 --> 00:54:26,925 Sure, sure, sure, sure. 1377 00:54:28,995 --> 00:54:30,925 - Okay. Anything else you would add about this one? No. 1378 00:54:30,925 --> 00:54:32,685 Okay. We're gonna go to our last 1379 00:54:32,825 --> 00:54:33,485 - One. All right. 1380 00:54:33,985 --> 00:54:36,925 - And the, the response to this, I think is fairly simple. 1381 00:54:37,515 --> 00:54:40,445 Okay. It's still made my ears turn red, so, 1382 00:54:40,665 --> 00:54:41,605 - Oh, goodness. Okay. 1383 00:54:42,355 --> 00:54:45,165 - They, the title is real. BDSM. 1384 00:54:45,785 --> 00:54:47,805 I'm writing this two days after a really hard 1385 00:54:47,825 --> 00:54:49,845 and heavy impact scene on Friday night. 1386 00:54:50,385 --> 00:54:52,165 I'm in drop, which I think has to do with 1387 00:54:52,165 --> 00:54:54,085 how I feel about this and why I'm looking for advice 1388 00:54:54,085 --> 00:54:55,725 or outside neutral opinions. 1389 00:54:56,505 --> 00:54:58,325 Anyway, Friday was the first time I 1390 00:54:58,325 --> 00:54:59,405 have played in five months. 1391 00:54:59,545 --> 00:55:01,925 It was a dual topping scene that we negotiated 1392 00:55:02,025 --> 00:55:05,605 for a week leading up to the actual night of, I told my tops 1393 00:55:05,605 --> 00:55:07,565 for the scene that I used red slash yellow 1394 00:55:07,785 --> 00:55:10,125 and plain language in scene to communicate. 1395 00:55:10,545 --> 00:55:12,365 We set up on center stage at the dungeon 1396 00:55:12,365 --> 00:55:13,525 with me standing arms, 1397 00:55:13,845 --> 00:55:16,365 overhead wrist buckled into leather restraints connected 1398 00:55:16,565 --> 00:55:18,525 to a chain hoist that sounds hot. 1399 00:55:18,585 --> 00:55:20,405 Mm-Hmm. . We started out kind of medium 1400 00:55:20,465 --> 00:55:22,765 and then built up to a heavy constant pace. 1401 00:55:22,875 --> 00:55:25,685 They took turns that lasted for 37 minutes. 1402 00:55:26,205 --> 00:55:28,805 I basically went until my body was going to give out on me 1403 00:55:28,805 --> 00:55:30,645 and called it, I didn't even call red. 1404 00:55:30,805 --> 00:55:33,845 I just said I needed to be let down during the scene. 1405 00:55:33,885 --> 00:55:36,525 I processed different kinds of pain and endured it all. 1406 00:55:36,825 --> 00:55:38,445 It was super hard. It was the hardest. 1407 00:55:38,515 --> 00:55:39,965 I've gone in a while, and it was the hardest. 1408 00:55:40,035 --> 00:55:42,805 I've gone in a single scene afterwards, 1409 00:55:42,965 --> 00:55:44,445 I received phenomenal aftercare 1410 00:55:44,465 --> 00:55:46,485 and felt physically exhausted, but mentally 1411 00:55:46,485 --> 00:55:47,805 and emotionally very good. 1412 00:55:48,195 --> 00:55:50,125 Yesterday I even made it out to a munch 1413 00:55:50,125 --> 00:55:52,645 and heard several good comments on how I impressed people 1414 00:55:52,675 --> 00:55:54,685 with the scene today. 1415 00:55:55,005 --> 00:55:57,805 I learned that one of my good friends described the scene 1416 00:55:57,805 --> 00:56:00,885 to another person as third world torture 1417 00:56:01,465 --> 00:56:03,845 rather than conventional BDSM. 1418 00:56:04,185 --> 00:56:05,685 And it is starting to bother me, 1419 00:56:05,755 --> 00:56:07,325 someone whose opinion I value, 1420 00:56:07,355 --> 00:56:08,885 thought the scene wasn't real. 1421 00:56:09,125 --> 00:56:11,965 BDSM, I'm struggling with how I feel about this 1422 00:56:12,105 --> 00:56:14,325 and wonder if I've done something wrong somehow. 1423 00:56:14,835 --> 00:56:16,365 Have I crossed a line somewhere? 1424 00:56:16,645 --> 00:56:18,165 I know it's hard to ask opinions from others 1425 00:56:18,185 --> 00:56:19,525 who haven't witnessed the scene, 1426 00:56:19,745 --> 00:56:21,205 but I'm looking for advice on how 1427 00:56:21,205 --> 00:56:22,885 to process slash address this. 1428 00:56:22,925 --> 00:56:26,165 Thanks in advance. I'm sorry. That good of a friend. 1429 00:56:26,225 --> 00:56:27,765 I'd be like, what the actual fuck. 1430 00:56:27,855 --> 00:56:29,765 - Right. What - You said something about me, 1431 00:56:29,765 --> 00:56:33,205 you couldn't say to me first of fucking all Mm-Hmm. 1432 00:56:33,245 --> 00:56:34,885 . But also you couldn't, 1433 00:56:35,125 --> 00:56:37,525 'cause you knew you were kink shaming what the actual, 1434 00:56:37,545 --> 00:56:39,325 if you thought I was in danger, what kind 1435 00:56:39,325 --> 00:56:42,325 of good friend doesn't say something to me. Right. 1436 00:56:43,145 --> 00:56:46,845 - Or if, if you think something is that extreme, um, 1437 00:56:47,105 --> 00:56:48,725 that's why they have dungeon monitors. Right. 1438 00:56:48,725 --> 00:56:50,645 - Why aren't you a, I mean, if you actually cared 1439 00:56:51,025 --> 00:56:52,885 and this wasn't a point of gossip Yeah. 1440 00:56:53,025 --> 00:56:54,205 You're going to somebody going, 1441 00:56:54,285 --> 00:56:56,045 I am worried about my friend. If, if 1442 00:56:56,105 --> 00:56:59,925 - You really thought that that scene was, was crossing 1443 00:57:00,885 --> 00:57:04,125 a serious line, then Yeah. 1444 00:57:04,265 --> 00:57:06,845 Why did not, why did you not get a dungeon 1445 00:57:06,845 --> 00:57:08,285 monitor to intervene? Right. 1446 00:57:08,735 --> 00:57:10,045 - Right. - So, 1447 00:57:11,705 --> 00:57:13,085 - So how do you address this process? 1448 00:57:13,345 --> 00:57:15,405 And I go for their fucking throat verbally. 1449 00:57:15,475 --> 00:57:16,685 - Yeah. I mean, and, 1450 00:57:16,745 --> 00:57:20,365 and then to, you know, say 1451 00:57:20,365 --> 00:57:21,885 that it's not real. 1452 00:57:24,585 --> 00:57:26,325 - Oh, that's so cake shamie. That's so cake 1453 00:57:26,385 --> 00:57:27,385 - Shamie. 1454 00:57:27,385 --> 00:57:30,205 Yeah. I mean, you know, again, what constitutes real? 1455 00:57:30,275 --> 00:57:31,445 What constitutes 1456 00:57:31,545 --> 00:57:33,325 - That's, we're back to one true way as I'm thinking. 1457 00:57:33,355 --> 00:57:37,645 Yeah. If it does not fit my narrowly defined thought on 1458 00:57:37,645 --> 00:57:40,285 what kink is, it's, it, it's not real. 1459 00:57:40,425 --> 00:57:42,925 It doesn't fit. It's wrong somehow. Mm-Hmm. 1460 00:57:42,965 --> 00:57:45,085 - - Hate it. Gross. Yeah. 1461 00:57:45,525 --> 00:57:46,765 - I mean, - Throw the whole friend out. 1462 00:57:48,025 --> 00:57:52,855 - You know, God, 1463 00:57:57,355 --> 00:58:02,295 one person's scene may not be 1464 00:58:02,295 --> 00:58:03,455 another abso fucking lovely, 1465 00:58:03,595 --> 00:58:07,135 but it doesn't make it any less real or wrong. 1466 00:58:07,305 --> 00:58:11,215 Right. Okay. There, there was a situation, um, 1467 00:58:12,575 --> 00:58:16,095 a club years ago where somebody had a very intense scene 1468 00:58:17,315 --> 00:58:19,095 and there were some people who thought 1469 00:58:19,095 --> 00:58:20,655 that there was something wrong with it. 1470 00:58:22,355 --> 00:58:27,055 And, um, you know, nothing was said 1471 00:58:27,055 --> 00:58:29,335 during the scene. 1472 00:58:29,335 --> 00:58:30,455 Right. You know, 1473 00:58:30,455 --> 00:58:32,215 but afterwards there was a whole lot 1474 00:58:32,215 --> 00:58:33,335 of Mm-Hmm. 1475 00:58:34,255 --> 00:58:36,375 - B chatter fucking gossip and chatter. 1476 00:58:36,635 --> 00:58:41,135 - And, and the person who it was about basically kind 1477 00:58:41,135 --> 00:58:42,535 of stood up and said, you know what? 1478 00:58:44,275 --> 00:58:45,975 The person I was doing with this scene 1479 00:58:46,045 --> 00:58:47,575 consented to everything I did. 1480 00:58:47,635 --> 00:58:48,635 Mm-Hmm. . 1481 00:58:49,385 --> 00:58:51,985 - Mm-Hmm. . - They consented 1482 00:58:51,985 --> 00:58:52,985 to everything I did. 1483 00:58:52,985 --> 00:58:56,105 They wanted to ha what happened to happen. Mm-Hmm. 1484 00:58:56,145 --> 00:59:00,705 . And, you know, while it may have been extreme 1485 00:59:02,005 --> 00:59:05,105 for a lot of you, this is what Mm-Hmm. . 1486 00:59:05,595 --> 00:59:08,465 - Right. It does. You don't have to wanna fucking do it. 1487 00:59:08,855 --> 00:59:11,785 Yeah. Don't if you don't like it. Mm-Hmm. 1488 00:59:11,825 --> 00:59:13,665 don't do it. Ta-da. 1489 00:59:14,005 --> 00:59:16,745 In this situation, the part that pisses me off, I mean, part 1490 00:59:16,745 --> 00:59:20,185 of it is the, to call it not real BDSM or it was torture 1491 00:59:20,445 --> 00:59:22,285 or whatever, whatever the part of it is. 1492 00:59:22,315 --> 00:59:26,445 This person labeled this gossipy so and so as a good friend. 1493 00:59:26,465 --> 00:59:28,965 Mm-Hmm. for the question they're 1494 00:59:28,965 --> 00:59:30,085 asking of how do I accept this? 1495 00:59:30,085 --> 00:59:32,005 Get my mind around it. I think the part you have 1496 00:59:32,005 --> 00:59:33,445 to accept is this person is not your friend. 1497 00:59:33,445 --> 00:59:36,445 Right. A real friend either in the moment, 1498 00:59:36,585 --> 00:59:39,245 if they genuinely thought you were in danger Mm-Hmm. 1499 00:59:39,405 --> 00:59:41,205 , they would've gone to seek help. Right. 1500 00:59:41,205 --> 00:59:43,445 How do I stop the scene? I'm very worried about my friend. 1501 00:59:43,445 --> 00:59:45,005 Mm-Hmm. . If they couldn't have done that, 1502 00:59:45,025 --> 00:59:46,885 or they had their own freeze moment 1503 00:59:46,955 --> 00:59:48,445 that happens in high stress moments. 1504 00:59:48,555 --> 00:59:51,325 Yeah. They immediately, the moment they could contact you 1505 00:59:51,425 --> 00:59:53,805 as a good friend and would've been like, are you okay? 1506 00:59:53,805 --> 00:59:56,405 Mm-Hmm. , I am worried about you. Mm-Hmm. 1507 00:59:56,445 --> 00:59:58,125 . But no, what they did was they went 1508 00:59:58,125 --> 00:59:59,845 behind your back and they gossiped about you. 1509 00:59:59,875 --> 01:00:01,565 They are not a good fucking friend. 1510 01:00:01,565 --> 01:00:03,565 - Right. Because again, and this, and this, 1511 01:00:03,625 --> 01:00:07,845 and this is something that has been, um, talked about at an, 1512 01:00:07,865 --> 01:00:10,165 at an, any number of dungeons dungeons, 1513 01:00:10,865 --> 01:00:12,925 um, that I've been to. 1514 01:00:13,385 --> 01:00:16,285 You know, they tell you if you are going to be doing 1515 01:00:17,305 --> 01:00:19,565 an intent scene within the guidelines 1516 01:00:19,585 --> 01:00:22,685 of what's allowed right at the dungeon, um, 1517 01:00:24,505 --> 01:00:25,645 let the dms know. 1518 01:00:25,665 --> 01:00:27,675 Mm-Hmm, Mm-Hmm. 1519 01:00:27,715 --> 01:00:29,555 let them know beforehand. 1520 01:00:30,455 --> 01:00:32,475 So that way if somebody does go to them 1521 01:00:32,475 --> 01:00:36,075 and say, Hey, you know, this looks like a problem, 1522 01:00:36,535 --> 01:00:38,235 the m can say, no, it's not. 1523 01:00:38,535 --> 01:00:41,635 We were aware of what was was going to happen. And, and 1524 01:00:41,635 --> 01:00:42,635 - Here's the thing. 1525 01:00:42,635 --> 01:00:44,995 This person, I mean, I'm pretty impressed. 1526 01:00:44,995 --> 01:00:47,035 They're like, it's, it's been a while, 1527 01:00:47,035 --> 01:00:48,355 but this is, we negotiated, 1528 01:00:48,515 --> 01:00:50,675 I was very clear my communication that, you know, 1529 01:00:50,675 --> 01:00:51,755 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 1530 01:00:51,755 --> 01:00:54,075 Like, they prepared for this fucking scene. 1531 01:00:54,795 --> 01:00:56,755 I feel like in from the, 1532 01:00:56,755 --> 01:00:59,235 and I mean, again, I get, I get it, it's subjective. 1533 01:00:59,785 --> 01:01:00,915 They were that prepared. 1534 01:01:01,315 --> 01:01:04,515 I really think that if in their mind this was air quote, 1535 01:01:04,545 --> 01:01:07,195 this real fucking hard extreme scene, 1536 01:01:07,915 --> 01:01:09,155 'cause that is so subjective, right? 1537 01:01:09,185 --> 01:01:11,755 Yeah. That they probably would've then mentioned all the 1538 01:01:11,755 --> 01:01:13,995 other fucking safety protocols they went through. 1539 01:01:14,545 --> 01:01:17,915 This was an impact scene with two tops hitting a person. 1540 01:01:17,915 --> 01:01:20,035 Yeah. Until they decided they were fucking done. 1541 01:01:21,075 --> 01:01:25,195 I mean, that not to be completely like, uh, 1542 01:01:25,425 --> 01:01:28,555 there's a word I was looking for dismissive of anything, 1543 01:01:28,615 --> 01:01:31,195 but I'm sorry, that sounds like the most fucking standard 1544 01:01:31,195 --> 01:01:34,195 fucking scene in a dungeon I've ever fucking heard of. 1545 01:01:34,555 --> 01:01:37,435 . So I have questions for the quote, good friend. 1546 01:01:37,575 --> 01:01:40,235 And like, I'm not gonna kink shame 1547 01:01:40,235 --> 01:01:41,475 and say that what they do isn't real. 1548 01:01:41,555 --> 01:01:43,955 BDSM, but come on, gimme a goddamn break. Yeah. I know. 1549 01:01:43,955 --> 01:01:45,395 Like, we're not talking about, you know, 1550 01:01:45,395 --> 01:01:48,435 there was like blood dripping everywhere, apparently, 1551 01:01:48,435 --> 01:01:52,515 according to like, like I just, 1552 01:01:52,715 --> 01:01:53,915 I just saw the live stream chat. 1553 01:01:53,915 --> 01:01:57,155 They're like, rant number three. Sorry, . Um, 1554 01:01:57,415 --> 01:01:59,475 - Hey, going out and bang before break. 1555 01:01:59,575 --> 01:02:01,595 - You know, I, you know, I think the part that gets 1556 01:02:01,595 --> 01:02:02,955 to me about this is not just 1557 01:02:03,255 --> 01:02:04,475 the one true way as I'm thinking. 1558 01:02:04,475 --> 01:02:08,275 Mm-Hmm. . And not just the, it's not, you know, 1559 01:02:08,595 --> 01:02:09,955 I wouldn't do it, so nobody should do it. 1560 01:02:09,955 --> 01:02:11,755 It's not just that. Yeah. Like, it's that. 1561 01:02:12,385 --> 01:02:13,435 It's the fact that this person 1562 01:02:13,435 --> 01:02:14,715 thought that that was a good friend. 1563 01:02:14,775 --> 01:02:19,485 And nothing grinds my goddamn gears more than people 1564 01:02:19,485 --> 01:02:20,765 that you're supposed to be able to trust 1565 01:02:20,785 --> 01:02:23,005 and depend on fucking gossiping about you 1566 01:02:23,105 --> 01:02:25,365 and talking about behind about you and behind your back, 1567 01:02:25,545 --> 01:02:27,445 and then you feeling fucking bad. 1568 01:02:27,635 --> 01:02:31,885 Like you have to like, do something about this. No. 1569 01:02:32,035 --> 01:02:33,765 They have just lost all the privilege 1570 01:02:33,825 --> 01:02:35,045 of being your fucking friend. 1571 01:02:35,135 --> 01:02:36,805 Right. And I'm the type of person, 1572 01:02:36,925 --> 01:02:38,765 I would just literally never speak to them again. 1573 01:02:38,925 --> 01:02:40,405 'cause that's how I handle these things. 1574 01:02:40,975 --> 01:02:42,965 Maybe this is how that person handle these things too. 1575 01:02:43,225 --> 01:02:45,925 And you know, it, I, I would imagine it hurts them. 1576 01:02:45,925 --> 01:02:48,645 They're, they sure they are upset by this. 1577 01:02:48,745 --> 01:02:51,285 And I get to be righteously angry on their behalf 1578 01:02:51,705 --> 01:02:53,245 and glad to fucking do it. 1579 01:02:53,305 --> 01:02:55,885 Mm-Hmm. . But like, that's, 1580 01:02:55,885 --> 01:02:56,965 that's not a fucking friend. 1581 01:02:57,385 --> 01:02:59,885 - No, it's not. It's - A, it's not, I don't know the gender 1582 01:02:59,985 --> 01:03:02,525 of anybody here, but the, the, uh, 1583 01:03:04,375 --> 01:03:05,645 trope of the mean girlfriend. 1584 01:03:05,665 --> 01:03:07,365 That's what it fucking sounds like. Mm-Hmm. 1585 01:03:07,405 --> 01:03:09,765 , I, you know, I'm so concerned about you 1586 01:03:09,765 --> 01:03:12,725 that I can talk about you, but not to you. Fuck 1587 01:03:12,725 --> 01:03:13,725 - You. 1588 01:03:13,725 --> 01:03:17,245 Yeah. Eh, I I mean, we got Lola. 1589 01:03:17,375 --> 01:03:19,885 Sorry, Lola, did Lola jump on that one? She's 1590 01:03:19,885 --> 01:03:21,165 - Giving me a worried Look, - Y'all. 1591 01:03:21,195 --> 01:03:22,685 Yeah. Come here. 1592 01:03:23,245 --> 01:03:25,805 I mean, you know, there, 1593 01:03:25,805 --> 01:03:27,925 there are things in kink that I don't like 1594 01:03:28,475 --> 01:03:29,445 - Abso fucking, look, there 1595 01:03:29,445 --> 01:03:30,485 are things I don't wanna watch. Like 1596 01:03:31,065 --> 01:03:33,365 - No things, you know, un unlike you, if I'm, 1597 01:03:33,525 --> 01:03:36,845 if I'm at a dungeon or party, I enjoy watching. 1598 01:03:37,005 --> 01:03:39,245 I don't scenes watch. I know you, we know, we know. 1599 01:03:39,925 --> 01:03:43,445 I, I enjoy Now, you know, if somebody's doing something 1600 01:03:43,475 --> 01:03:45,565 that, that I'm not into Mm-Hmm. 1601 01:03:45,605 --> 01:03:46,965 . Alright. I'm not gonna be 1602 01:03:46,965 --> 01:03:48,045 like, oh, you shouldn't do that. 1603 01:03:48,745 --> 01:03:51,565 No, I'm gonna occupy myself doing something else while they, 1604 01:03:51,925 --> 01:03:55,765 while they do that same, same thing, like on on, on fet. 1605 01:03:55,785 --> 01:03:57,325 You know, if I see something, I'm, 1606 01:03:57,365 --> 01:03:58,685 I just keep going right by it. 1607 01:03:58,785 --> 01:04:01,685 - The principle applies in non kinky social media. 1608 01:04:01,915 --> 01:04:03,885 Everybody feels like they gotta share their opinion 1609 01:04:03,905 --> 01:04:05,845 of something they didn't like that they saw online, 1610 01:04:05,875 --> 01:04:07,685 when actually their mature response is just 1611 01:04:07,685 --> 01:04:08,925 to fucking keep scrolling. 1612 01:04:09,305 --> 01:04:12,445 You don't like the scene that you watched? Don't watch the 1613 01:04:12,445 --> 01:04:13,125 - Scene. Right. 1614 01:04:13,425 --> 01:04:15,165 - Or do something else or what? 1615 01:04:15,165 --> 01:04:16,445 Mm-Hmm. the fuck ever. Mm-Hmm. . 1616 01:04:16,755 --> 01:04:20,845 - Yeah. - Oh my God, that's, oh, I'm 1617 01:04:20,845 --> 01:04:22,805 so upset on this person's behalf. 1618 01:04:23,085 --> 01:04:23,645 - , right? 1619 01:04:29,185 --> 01:04:30,185 Ooh, 1620 01:04:30,565 --> 01:04:31,565 - . 1621 01:04:31,635 --> 01:04:32,925 Yeah. And I hope 1622 01:04:32,925 --> 01:04:34,805 what this person actually has in their life are 1623 01:04:34,825 --> 01:04:36,165 actual genuine, good friends. 1624 01:04:36,515 --> 01:04:38,685 Yeah. Um, so that the loss 1625 01:04:38,685 --> 01:04:41,085 of this fake friend is like a blip. 1626 01:04:41,265 --> 01:04:44,725 Mm. And they know what genuine friendship feels like. Yes. 1627 01:04:44,965 --> 01:04:47,165 I also, and we don't know the details of this person, 1628 01:04:47,405 --> 01:04:48,845 like their age, their gender or whatever. 1629 01:04:49,405 --> 01:04:52,685 I know, I know this happens throughout like any age 1630 01:04:52,685 --> 01:04:54,605 that we might be, but I know it's tends 1631 01:04:54,605 --> 01:04:56,405 to be really common for younger people. 1632 01:04:56,405 --> 01:04:58,645 Like, 'cause I remember like in my early, early 1633 01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:01,125 to mid twenties, you still had that thought 1634 01:05:01,125 --> 01:05:03,325 of the more friends you have, the better . 1635 01:05:03,825 --> 01:05:05,925 And so you kept frenemies around 1636 01:05:06,045 --> 01:05:07,245 'cause you're like, but they're my friend. 1637 01:05:08,515 --> 01:05:10,925 Then the most freedom I ever fucking had in life was 1638 01:05:10,925 --> 01:05:11,925 maturing outta that. 1639 01:05:11,985 --> 01:05:13,845 Or growing outta that. I don't wanna say maturing quality 1640 01:05:13,995 --> 01:05:16,645 - Over quantity and - Dropping the fake friends. 1641 01:05:17,165 --> 01:05:20,125 I mean, it got fucking peace in my life from that. 1642 01:05:20,275 --> 01:05:23,925 Like, but it does happen at anybody's age. 1643 01:05:24,035 --> 01:05:27,325 Like, we can be blind to like people's faults 1644 01:05:27,325 --> 01:05:29,125 or we can justify a way bad behavior, 1645 01:05:29,465 --> 01:05:31,045 or we can be worried that we'll be left alone. 1646 01:05:31,045 --> 01:05:33,245 Like that's, there's not an that's on an age thing, 1647 01:05:33,245 --> 01:05:35,485 but still, but still 1648 01:05:38,475 --> 01:05:40,805 there's a lack of emotional maturity on the air. 1649 01:05:40,805 --> 01:05:43,525 Quote. Good friend, good friend's part. Mm-Hmm. 1650 01:05:44,235 --> 01:05:45,405 Also, it's, it's somebody been, 1651 01:05:45,445 --> 01:05:48,165 I think it was since said in the, uh, live chat is chat. 1652 01:05:48,195 --> 01:05:50,845 It's catty gossip. Yeah. Yep. 1653 01:05:51,315 --> 01:05:55,245 Like, and I just, there's a reason I have like one 1654 01:05:55,245 --> 01:05:57,925 and a half friends in my life, like close, close, like, 1655 01:05:57,925 --> 01:06:01,525 know my, you know, government name and my kink life friends. 1656 01:06:01,755 --> 01:06:03,725 Because I just don't, I don't have time 1657 01:06:03,785 --> 01:06:05,045 or patience for that bullshit. 1658 01:06:05,155 --> 01:06:09,085 Like, just, if I witness somebody in my sphere that's like 1659 01:06:09,085 --> 01:06:11,005 that, I just immediately, even if I, 1660 01:06:11,005 --> 01:06:12,045 if I can't physically do it, 1661 01:06:12,165 --> 01:06:14,005 I immediately mentally and emotionally withdraw. 1662 01:06:14,545 --> 01:06:17,365 If you will talk about other people to me, you will ab 1663 01:06:17,885 --> 01:06:19,405 absolutely talk about me to other people. 1664 01:06:19,465 --> 01:06:20,925 Mm-Hmm. . I ain't got time for it. 1665 01:06:21,285 --> 01:06:23,965 I don't care. Right. I do very well by myself. 1666 01:06:23,975 --> 01:06:27,005 Thank you very much. So, yeah. 1667 01:06:27,005 --> 01:06:29,245 Maybe my reaction is not the 1668 01:06:29,645 --> 01:06:31,165 standard reaction, but whatever. 1669 01:06:34,015 --> 01:06:35,925 Thank you. That was our last one. 1670 01:06:36,595 --> 01:06:37,885 - Went out with a bang. I, 1671 01:06:38,645 --> 01:06:40,165 - I don't know if I feel cleansed 1672 01:06:40,165 --> 01:06:42,045 or if I'm a little pent up . 1673 01:06:42,125 --> 01:06:44,405 I don't . I dunno. 1674 01:06:45,925 --> 01:06:49,125 Normally this is like, like I got stuff wor 1675 01:06:49,265 --> 01:06:51,125 of my own shit out of me somehow. 1676 01:06:51,385 --> 01:06:54,365 And right now I just feel like I need to go 1677 01:06:54,365 --> 01:06:55,565 outside and primal scream. 1678 01:06:55,685 --> 01:06:57,565 I don't know if the neighbors would appreciate that though. 1679 01:06:58,645 --> 01:07:02,205 , . Look, if these people can go outside 1680 01:07:02,345 --> 01:07:03,965 and like shoot their guns into the air, 1681 01:07:04,045 --> 01:07:05,405 I should be able to go outside and just scream. 1682 01:07:05,795 --> 01:07:09,725 Okay. But I also don't like to be perceived 1683 01:07:10,545 --> 01:07:13,245 out in the actual world, so I probably won't. 1684 01:07:13,785 --> 01:07:15,805 Um, oh my gosh, 1685 01:07:17,065 --> 01:07:19,365 my heart's like pounding from that. You 1686 01:07:19,365 --> 01:07:21,285 - Got your heart rate up on that one, didn't you? It did. 1687 01:07:21,305 --> 01:07:23,165 - It did. It did. . Okay. 1688 01:07:23,505 --> 01:07:28,045 So that's all of our Reddit posts. Mm-Hmm. . 1689 01:07:30,145 --> 01:07:33,965 If you are not currently on the kink side of Reddit 1690 01:07:33,965 --> 01:07:38,165 and would like to be, uh, highly, um, uh, encourage that. 1691 01:07:38,745 --> 01:07:42,365 The BDSM advice subreddit is very much a lot of the same. 1692 01:07:43,305 --> 01:07:45,805 How do I do this? When the answer is always communicate, 1693 01:07:46,035 --> 01:07:47,245 fucking always communicate. 1694 01:07:47,245 --> 01:07:49,045 But every once in a while you get a gem. 1695 01:07:49,585 --> 01:07:53,285 Um, and yeah, the mods are really good on 1696 01:07:53,285 --> 01:07:54,525 that, uh, subreddit. 1697 01:07:54,525 --> 01:07:55,725 They, if this doesn't fit 1698 01:07:55,745 --> 01:07:57,885 or if it's gotten outta hand, they just shut shit down. 1699 01:07:58,505 --> 01:08:02,005 Um, but uh, some of the comments I've read, it's like, 1700 01:08:02,605 --> 01:08:03,725 I might not agree with the advice, 1701 01:08:03,885 --> 01:08:05,565 but you could see it's not, it's not harmful. 1702 01:08:05,635 --> 01:08:07,365 Like it's genuinely like trying to be helpful 1703 01:08:07,985 --> 01:08:11,925 and then continue to beg, plead something. 1704 01:08:11,985 --> 01:08:15,510 Please, please. BDSM underscore, am I the asshole 1705 01:08:16,075 --> 01:08:17,565 subreddit run by rah rah. 1706 01:08:17,565 --> 01:08:19,045 Just, I I need more. 1707 01:08:19,205 --> 01:08:21,125 I need more of your, am I the asshole questions? 1708 01:08:21,155 --> 01:08:22,405 I'll bet money. You're not the fucking 1709 01:08:22,405 --> 01:08:23,565 asshole, but maybe you are. 1710 01:08:24,125 --> 01:08:26,365 I don't know. , I've never been in the position 1711 01:08:26,385 --> 01:08:28,645 to say to somebody's post, yeah, you're the asshole here. 1712 01:08:28,705 --> 01:08:30,365 Unless we did one, maybe one. 1713 01:08:30,525 --> 01:08:31,685 I was like, yeah, I think you're the asshole. 1714 01:08:31,705 --> 01:08:33,205 But now I don't remember. I don't 1715 01:08:33,325 --> 01:08:34,125 - Remember now. I 1716 01:08:34,125 --> 01:08:35,125 - Don't know. 1717 01:08:35,125 --> 01:08:36,165 , it lets me like deal 1718 01:08:36,165 --> 01:08:38,045 with conflict issues without actual conflict. 1719 01:08:38,165 --> 01:08:40,005 I don't know. Anyway. Anyway, 1720 01:08:40,305 --> 01:08:41,765 we will do more of these in 2024. 1721 01:08:41,765 --> 01:08:42,885 Mm-Hmm. abso fucking Absolutely. 1722 01:08:43,095 --> 01:08:46,325 Maybe one day I'll go back to being the, uh, 1723 01:08:46,355 --> 01:08:47,845 organized professional I used to be 1724 01:08:47,985 --> 01:08:49,245 and actually schedule these out. 1725 01:08:49,305 --> 01:08:52,005 But , um, I'm not counting on it right now. 1726 01:08:52,585 --> 01:08:57,485 Um, and yeah, we'll do a bonus section. 1727 01:08:57,805 --> 01:08:59,365 I lost words. I just, 1728 01:08:59,795 --> 01:09:00,795 - Okay. 1729 01:09:01,855 --> 01:09:03,365 - Sorry. . . 1730 01:09:03,685 --> 01:09:05,565 - I feel this like lump in my throat 1731 01:09:05,565 --> 01:09:08,365 where there's still more something to get out. 1732 01:09:08,395 --> 01:09:11,005 Like it started coming up and rising with the rants 1733 01:09:11,005 --> 01:09:12,365 and it's not fully out. 1734 01:09:12,475 --> 01:09:14,245 - It's like a pop that over boils. 1735 01:09:14,315 --> 01:09:17,365 Once it starts, you know, it's hard to shut it down. Yeah. 1736 01:09:17,475 --> 01:09:20,125 Something. I get it. Anyway. I get it. Okay. 1737 01:09:20,295 --> 01:09:21,645 - We'll - Do it on a section now. 1738 01:09:22,105 --> 01:09:26,045 - Are we good? I - Don't know. Keep, 1739 01:09:26,045 --> 01:09:27,045 - Keep it kiy y'all. 1740 01:09:27,735 --> 01:09:31,165 - We'll see you in technically Friday, December 15th 1741 01:09:31,165 --> 01:09:32,325 and then in 2024. 1742 01:09:42,415 --> 01:09:42,765 Daddy. 1743 01:09:43,585 --> 01:09:45,165 - Yes baby girl. - Can 1744 01:09:45,165 --> 01:09:46,165 - I talk to the crickets please? 1745 01:09:48,305 --> 01:09:49,365 - No. - Okay. 1746 01:09:50,965 --> 01:09:55,245 - . - Wow, you took 1747 01:09:55,245 --> 01:09:57,005 that better than I thought. If 1748 01:09:57,005 --> 01:09:59,605 - You would like to sit in silence while people stare at 1749 01:09:59,605 --> 01:10:00,965 us, you go right ahead. 1750 01:10:01,365 --> 01:10:02,365 . 1751 01:10:05,485 --> 01:10:07,485 - . - Here's the thing. 1752 01:10:08,245 --> 01:10:09,925 I can't talk to them, but I can talk to you 1753 01:10:10,105 --> 01:10:12,125 and I will keep up a stream of consciousness. 1754 01:10:12,525 --> 01:10:14,645 - . - Not because I can't handle silence 1755 01:10:14,885 --> 01:10:16,165 'cause I'm okay with comfortable silence, 1756 01:10:16,385 --> 01:10:17,925 but it's not comfortable when there's 1757 01:10:17,925 --> 01:10:20,845 however many people just like staring at their screen 1758 01:10:20,905 --> 01:10:22,805 or listening through their earbuds going, 1759 01:10:22,835 --> 01:10:23,885 what the fuck is going on? 1760 01:10:23,905 --> 01:10:26,645 Did they just stop? Did the whole thing just is my, 1761 01:10:26,745 --> 01:10:27,885 is my app not working? 1762 01:10:27,985 --> 01:10:29,685 Did they freeze? What's happening here? 1763 01:10:29,685 --> 01:10:32,045 And then we've caused confusion 1764 01:10:32,045 --> 01:10:34,045 and chaos where it didn't need to be. 1765 01:10:34,645 --> 01:10:38,125 I prefer confusion and chaos that is like fun and noisy. 1766 01:10:38,555 --> 01:10:40,325 Well, not too noisy 'cause that's overstimulating, 1767 01:10:40,325 --> 01:10:41,925 - But I am the chaos goblin. 1768 01:10:43,025 --> 01:10:45,125 - No, you're the sadistic bastard. . 1769 01:10:45,445 --> 01:10:46,645 I thought we established that. 1770 01:10:49,205 --> 01:10:52,805 I can't believe like I get you edging mentally 1771 01:10:52,825 --> 01:10:55,365 or physically me and I even get you 1772 01:10:55,365 --> 01:10:56,605 kind of doing it to the audience. 1773 01:10:56,625 --> 01:10:59,165 But you're usually a kinder, gentler soul to the audience. 1774 01:10:59,525 --> 01:11:02,245 mostly. 1775 01:11:02,445 --> 01:11:04,885 'cause they haven't yet consented to you mentally 1776 01:11:05,545 --> 01:11:07,085 or physically edging them. 1777 01:11:07,275 --> 01:11:09,925 Like I consented. I get it. I signed up for this. 1778 01:11:14,465 --> 01:11:18,805 But don't worry, the people I'm not talking to will know 1779 01:11:18,915 --> 01:11:20,885 that, that, you know, they're not being ignored. 1780 01:11:21,045 --> 01:11:22,645 I, you and I, we'll keep, we'll keep going. 1781 01:11:23,015 --> 01:11:24,925 Let's, let's make our Christmas plans. 1782 01:11:25,015 --> 01:11:26,765 Let's, you know, what are we doing 1783 01:11:26,865 --> 01:11:28,445 for New Year's other than the show? 1784 01:11:28,565 --> 01:11:30,045 I mean, what do, what do you wanna talk about? Daddy, 1785 01:11:39,705 --> 01:11:40,705 - Go ahead. 1786 01:11:41,215 --> 01:11:42,325 - Thank you . 1787 01:11:45,665 --> 01:11:48,125 Uh, by the way, yes. I still contend I'm not a bra 1788 01:11:50,535 --> 01:11:51,805 - After all that. Yep, 1789 01:11:52,665 --> 01:11:54,005 - Yep, yep, yep, yep. 1790 01:11:55,525 --> 01:11:55,565 . 1791 01:11:59,305 --> 01:12:00,965 Oh, oh, Andre. 1792 01:12:01,105 --> 01:12:02,765 Yes. I saw your picture. I'm fat. 1793 01:12:02,945 --> 01:12:06,445 I'm glad the paddle arrived. Mm-Hmm. and sin. 1794 01:12:06,445 --> 01:12:07,965 You're right. The crickets are agents of chaos. 1795 01:12:08,225 --> 01:12:10,685 I'm okay with that. I fucking love it. . 1796 01:12:11,545 --> 01:12:13,605 Um, and 1797 01:12:13,605 --> 01:12:15,005 after all that, uh, 1798 01:12:15,645 --> 01:12:17,645 I didn't have anything specific to talk about. 1799 01:12:17,805 --> 01:12:21,565 I just wanted to like, be here with folks. That's . 1800 01:12:25,265 --> 01:12:27,885 That's all. I didn't have like a, oh, 1801 01:12:27,885 --> 01:12:31,045 lemme tell you this thing because mostly it's home stuff. 1802 01:12:31,185 --> 01:12:35,845 The, uh, the oldest came home for just over 24 hours. 1803 01:12:36,905 --> 01:12:40,525 Uh, picked him up Monday afternoon from his apartment. 1804 01:12:40,525 --> 01:12:41,765 Dropped him off Tuesday night. 1805 01:12:42,205 --> 01:12:44,605 I did two, two trips like that. Mm-Hmm. . 1806 01:12:44,705 --> 01:12:47,645 I'm tired. Uh, but it was glad, I was glad to have him home. 1807 01:12:47,945 --> 01:12:50,285 Um, he'll be home again on the 21st 1808 01:12:51,065 --> 01:12:53,565 and then stay home for a few days through Christmas. 1809 01:12:55,145 --> 01:13:00,125 Um, Lola's 1810 01:13:00,125 --> 01:13:01,165 been, uh, I don't know what 1811 01:13:01,165 --> 01:13:02,725 to call her today, but she's just been 1812 01:13:04,125 --> 01:13:05,205 - Restless. Yeah. 1813 01:13:05,715 --> 01:13:07,485 - Yeah. Back and forth. You know what? 1814 01:13:07,805 --> 01:13:09,245 I think, I think we were lulled 1815 01:13:09,245 --> 01:13:10,485 into a false sense of security. 1816 01:13:10,505 --> 01:13:11,645 We recorded this morning, 1817 01:13:12,105 --> 01:13:14,325 the Monday video slash podcast episode, 1818 01:13:14,665 --> 01:13:16,725 and she did not want to come in, go out. 1819 01:13:16,725 --> 01:13:18,485 Mm-Hmm. She like, normally we're like, oh shit, 1820 01:13:18,485 --> 01:13:20,725 there's Lola a wooing in the background, which I've started 1821 01:13:20,725 --> 01:13:23,245 to just let it fucking stay in the record. 1822 01:13:23,725 --> 01:13:25,645 like, whatever. I'm not editing that out. 1823 01:13:26,265 --> 01:13:27,285 Um, at least on the video. 1824 01:13:27,705 --> 01:13:31,165 Um, and she wasn't even around to like, do it. No. 1825 01:13:31,165 --> 01:13:32,805 Like she was just napping on the couch. 1826 01:13:32,945 --> 01:13:35,405 - So, and then when we started recording this, 1827 01:13:35,785 --> 01:13:37,285 um, Onyx came in the room. 1828 01:13:37,745 --> 01:13:41,125 Mm-Hmm. . And she was overly interested in 1829 01:13:41,595 --> 01:13:43,715 what Onyx was doing. Yes. 1830 01:13:44,535 --> 01:13:45,955 - And Onyx is being, 1831 01:13:46,175 --> 01:13:48,795 what's the phrase I've heard used on the interwebs? 1832 01:13:48,835 --> 01:13:50,715 A stage five Clinger with you? Yeah. 1833 01:13:50,865 --> 01:13:52,875 Like she's more of a stage three with me. 1834 01:13:52,905 --> 01:13:55,515 Like if I stand still near a flat 1835 01:13:55,515 --> 01:13:56,915 surface, she will jump up there. 1836 01:13:56,915 --> 01:14:00,795 And like in her very raspy meow demand attention. Mm-Hmm. 1837 01:14:00,835 --> 01:14:03,435 . But you, she jumped in your lap this morning 1838 01:14:03,435 --> 01:14:04,595 while you were sitting at your desk 1839 01:14:05,055 --> 01:14:06,675 and you were still wearing your fuzzy robe, 1840 01:14:06,675 --> 01:14:08,395 which is the exact same color as Onyx. 1841 01:14:08,415 --> 01:14:09,835 So all you can sometimes see are her 1842 01:14:09,895 --> 01:14:10,835 - Blends eyes blend. Yeah. 1843 01:14:11,265 --> 01:14:13,845 - And she got comfy, did a full loaf. 1844 01:14:13,845 --> 01:14:15,365 Like her tail was completely tucked. 1845 01:14:15,625 --> 01:14:17,885 Not a full loaf 'cause one paw was out, 1846 01:14:17,905 --> 01:14:19,125 but it literally wrapped 1847 01:14:19,125 --> 01:14:21,485 around him like she was hugging him . 1848 01:14:21,525 --> 01:14:25,605 I was like, okay, am I being like, is she trying 1849 01:14:25,605 --> 01:14:28,165 to edge me out here and be like, no, this is my man. 1850 01:14:28,355 --> 01:14:30,285 - Well that was, that was like the third 1851 01:14:30,285 --> 01:14:33,965 or fourth time she had gotten in my lap this morning. And 1852 01:14:34,185 --> 01:14:35,365 - Is, as she's aging 1853 01:14:35,365 --> 01:14:38,245 and maturing, is she maybe gonna settle down 1854 01:14:38,265 --> 01:14:39,285 and be less skittish? 1855 01:14:39,295 --> 01:14:40,325 - Maybe. - I mean, 1856 01:14:40,325 --> 01:14:42,445 she's moving at us nails fucking pace about it. 1857 01:14:42,445 --> 01:14:43,485 Yeah. Not with you, with you. 1858 01:14:43,575 --> 01:14:46,365 She's like, you know, you're the cat whisper. 1859 01:14:46,505 --> 01:14:49,285 You're, you're her, you're her daddy as much as you're mind. 1860 01:14:49,345 --> 01:14:52,285 Mm-Hmm. . Um, with me, it's just a, oh yes, 1861 01:14:52,525 --> 01:14:56,045 I I demand affection from you in this instance. 1862 01:14:56,535 --> 01:14:58,765 Don't, don't give it to me any other time 1863 01:14:58,765 --> 01:15:00,205 or any other way or, Mm-Hmm. 1864 01:15:00,245 --> 01:15:04,365 . But Yeah. But yeah. 1865 01:15:04,445 --> 01:15:06,005 I mean, we have been working, 1866 01:15:06,505 --> 01:15:08,645 but we slowed down a bit because Yeah. 1867 01:15:08,645 --> 01:15:13,365 You know, we uh, it's, it's funny to me how quickly 1868 01:15:13,675 --> 01:15:16,285 what you perceive as quote normal can shift and change. 1869 01:15:16,905 --> 01:15:20,005 We in a very short amount of time kind of got adjusted to 1870 01:15:20,575 --> 01:15:23,925 Black Friday levels of orders coming in 1871 01:15:23,985 --> 01:15:27,045 and just like being smacked in the face with like Yeah. 1872 01:15:27,065 --> 01:15:29,325 How busy we are. And then it slowed down 1873 01:15:29,335 --> 01:15:32,485 after our Black Friday sale ended, which makes total sense. 1874 01:15:32,485 --> 01:15:34,485 And then we were sitting around going, oh my gosh, 1875 01:15:34,545 --> 01:15:35,765 why is December so slow? 1876 01:15:35,835 --> 01:15:38,645 It's really not for how to find months, but it's 1877 01:15:38,645 --> 01:15:40,525 - Like compared to what it was. Right. Yeah. 1878 01:15:40,525 --> 01:15:42,725 - It feels all weird. So yeah, we're still working, 1879 01:15:44,185 --> 01:15:47,125 but I think I've probably spent as much time dealing 1880 01:15:47,195 --> 01:15:50,565 with parenting stuff this week as I have with work stuff. 1881 01:15:51,545 --> 01:15:55,765 So, whereas at the end of November it was very much a, 1882 01:15:56,065 --> 01:15:57,125 oh, I'm somebody's mother. 1883 01:15:57,225 --> 01:15:58,405 I'm so sorry. You're gonna have to wait a second. 1884 01:15:58,725 --> 01:16:02,205 I got shit to do. Hmm. Do you want Christmas this year? 1885 01:16:02,425 --> 01:16:03,525 You need me to go work? 1886 01:16:03,825 --> 01:16:07,925 Um, but yeah, , so yeah. 1887 01:16:10,565 --> 01:16:13,165 - I mean me, I'm looking forward to the break. Um, Mm-Hmm. 1888 01:16:13,205 --> 01:16:15,405 , I probably still will be doing some work, 1889 01:16:15,595 --> 01:16:16,685 just not Yeah. 1890 01:16:17,745 --> 01:16:18,405 In the, uh, 1891 01:16:20,905 --> 01:16:22,925 frenzy Frenetic, 1892 01:16:23,235 --> 01:16:24,235 - Yeah, yeah. 1893 01:16:24,235 --> 01:16:26,165 - Pace that I've been going at. Sure. 1894 01:16:26,285 --> 01:16:28,205 - I mean, yeah. 'cause we, we have sold out of some stuff 1895 01:16:28,205 --> 01:16:29,885 that we'd like to Mm-Hmm. 1896 01:16:29,925 --> 01:16:31,245 , uh, get back in stock 1897 01:16:31,345 --> 01:16:33,445 and there's some things you're like personal stuff, 1898 01:16:33,445 --> 01:16:34,525 projects you're working on. 1899 01:16:34,795 --> 01:16:37,485 Yeah. You know? Yeah. But, Mm-Hmm. 1900 01:16:37,525 --> 01:16:39,125 you've proclaimed many times 1901 01:16:39,425 --> 01:16:41,645 to me now many times as if I might forget 1902 01:16:41,955 --> 01:16:43,445 that the moment the break starts, 1903 01:16:43,625 --> 01:16:45,085 he will not be waking up to an alarm. 1904 01:16:45,185 --> 01:16:48,245 - That's right. - Several times I have heard this like Got 1905 01:16:48,245 --> 01:16:50,595 it, got it, got it. 1906 01:16:51,075 --> 01:16:52,075 . 1907 01:16:52,425 --> 01:16:53,875 - Well, you know what, why I'm doing that? 1908 01:16:54,145 --> 01:16:58,515 Because I'm trying to get it set in my subconscious. Oh. 1909 01:16:58,975 --> 01:17:02,995 So that I don't, you know, automatically wake up at 6:00 AM 1910 01:17:04,195 --> 01:17:05,275 - I mean, there've been a couple days. 1911 01:17:05,275 --> 01:17:07,035 You did a really good job of not waking up 1912 01:17:07,035 --> 01:17:08,675 early and I was the first one up. 1913 01:17:08,775 --> 01:17:10,125 You were. Which is a strange 1914 01:17:10,725 --> 01:17:11,365 - Phenomenon. You were 1915 01:17:11,865 --> 01:17:15,045 - Um, it throws my whole morning routine off. 1916 01:17:15,365 --> 01:17:19,005 'cause I have , I have a routine of how I get out 1917 01:17:19,005 --> 01:17:20,965 of bed because it's usually I'm the last one out of bed. 1918 01:17:21,025 --> 01:17:22,565 So it's like Mm-Hmm. , get up, go 1919 01:17:22,565 --> 01:17:24,205 to the bathroom, put clothes on. 1920 01:17:24,365 --> 01:17:26,805 'cause yes, we sleep naked. Uh, make the bed do. 1921 01:17:26,805 --> 01:17:28,365 And I have a whole like, order 1922 01:17:28,425 --> 01:17:30,245 and system that I do my mornings. 1923 01:17:30,905 --> 01:17:33,645 And when I wake up first, that's just shot to fucking hell. 1924 01:17:33,645 --> 01:17:35,725 And my brain goes, what? Okay, how do I do this? 1925 01:17:35,835 --> 01:17:37,285 What, what happens next? 1926 01:17:39,025 --> 01:17:40,805 So, but I'm always happy 1927 01:17:40,805 --> 01:17:42,325 to see you like getting some extra sleep. 1928 01:17:42,555 --> 01:17:44,925 Yeah. So it's not like I'm gonna come wake you up 1929 01:17:44,925 --> 01:17:46,925 and be like, you're fucking up my routine, man. 1930 01:17:46,995 --> 01:17:48,005 What are we doing here? ? 1931 01:17:48,005 --> 01:17:49,245 Like, I'm not gonna do that. 1932 01:17:49,475 --> 01:17:52,445 - Good thing you don't. - No, I'm not that brave or stupid. 1933 01:17:53,205 --> 01:17:55,245 I mean, let's be real. I'd have to be both. 1934 01:17:55,425 --> 01:17:57,125 And I'm neither thankfully , 1935 01:17:58,305 --> 01:18:00,965 So Oh my goodness. 1936 01:18:01,085 --> 01:18:03,325 I feel like there's other stuff. But we also have the Friday 1937 01:18:03,325 --> 01:18:04,765 night live stream. 1938 01:18:04,845 --> 01:18:06,205 Mm-Hmm. . Which podcast listeners? 1939 01:18:06,205 --> 01:18:08,125 That's the day this episode comes out. Yeah. 1940 01:18:08,385 --> 01:18:11,565 Um, I mean that will be shenanigans. Oh yeah. 1941 01:18:11,825 --> 01:18:13,805 The first 30 minutes will not be the nine 30 1942 01:18:13,865 --> 01:18:15,325 to 10 o'clock, like half hour. 1943 01:18:15,345 --> 01:18:17,565 That's just, we gotta ease into shit. Okay. 1944 01:18:17,725 --> 01:18:19,325 , we gotta like get settled. 1945 01:18:20,105 --> 01:18:22,405 Um, but yeah, from 10 o'clock on, 1946 01:18:22,425 --> 01:18:25,165 and we don't have to be anywhere Saturday morning, which 1947 01:18:26,065 --> 01:18:28,525 is the first time in a hot minute that we haven't had like, 1948 01:18:28,525 --> 01:18:31,765 an obligation on like a Saturday morning. 1949 01:18:32,145 --> 01:18:35,365 So that means when we go to bed, we, we can really sleep in. 1950 01:18:35,365 --> 01:18:37,805 Hopefully. Maybe please go on, uh, . 1951 01:18:38,225 --> 01:18:40,765 So that'll, that will be nice. Yeah. Um, 1952 01:18:41,625 --> 01:18:46,005 - And uh, yeah, I need to do some, uh, I have been 1953 01:18:48,515 --> 01:18:49,725 pushing so much. 1954 01:18:50,315 --> 01:18:54,045 It's like, you know, on, on a normal time come Friday, 1955 01:18:54,545 --> 01:18:56,925 you know, I kinda, I sweep up the shop, I clean up, 1956 01:18:57,185 --> 01:18:58,485 you know, and put things away. 1957 01:18:59,145 --> 01:19:01,245 No, that has not been happening 1958 01:19:01,505 --> 01:19:02,725 for a while now. No. I walked, I walked 1959 01:19:02,725 --> 01:19:04,765 - In on Saturday to grab something out of the shop. 1960 01:19:05,075 --> 01:19:08,285 Your jacket was over here. A half finished thing was there. 1961 01:19:08,525 --> 01:19:11,645 I was like, what did he just like go fuck it, I'm out. 1962 01:19:11,745 --> 01:19:13,765 And turned around to walk out. Like, what the hell? 1963 01:19:14,105 --> 01:19:15,685 Or it was more like you wandered away 1964 01:19:15,685 --> 01:19:16,805 and forgot to wander back. 1965 01:19:17,045 --> 01:19:19,605 I didn't know, but I was like, this is, this is not normal. 1966 01:19:20,075 --> 01:19:21,525 - Yeah. Not normal. 1967 01:19:21,865 --> 01:19:25,925 That's, uh, so, so yeah, that's, uh, something 1968 01:19:25,925 --> 01:19:28,285 that's on the radar too to kind of get things 1969 01:19:29,885 --> 01:19:31,885 a little cleaned up, you know? Mm-Hmm. 1970 01:19:31,925 --> 01:19:34,285 - . Mm-Hmm. . Oh God. 1971 01:19:34,285 --> 01:19:35,285 Silent . 1972 01:19:36,085 --> 01:19:39,685 I feel like either I've, it's a, a warning, a promise. 1973 01:19:40,485 --> 01:19:44,325 silent is basically telling me that my ass is, uh, 1974 01:19:44,455 --> 01:19:47,205 grass come Friday night for the demos for dollars. 1975 01:19:48,005 --> 01:19:49,405 . Nope. No. I don't need you 1976 01:19:49,405 --> 01:19:50,565 doing the evil laugh too. 1977 01:19:50,665 --> 01:19:55,525 God damnit, . Um, what else? 1978 01:19:56,595 --> 01:19:57,685 There's probably other things. 1979 01:19:57,865 --> 01:20:01,165 I'm just like, my brain is perpetually fried right now. 1980 01:20:01,555 --> 01:20:03,725 Like I can Mm-Hmm. I 1981 01:20:03,725 --> 01:20:04,885 can do what needs to be done. 1982 01:20:05,105 --> 01:20:07,645 But like, intricate thought . 1983 01:20:09,185 --> 01:20:11,525 Oh, well today, this is actually the second time. 1984 01:20:11,525 --> 01:20:13,685 It's happened in the past like day and a half. 1985 01:20:13,705 --> 01:20:16,365 But today I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. 1986 01:20:16,485 --> 01:20:19,325 'cause I had convinced myself that a paddle that needed 1987 01:20:19,325 --> 01:20:23,045 to be made to order from the Black Friday sale we had, 1988 01:20:23,045 --> 01:20:24,565 which we guaranteed would be shipped out 1989 01:20:24,565 --> 01:20:26,285 by a certain date if you've ordered 1990 01:20:26,285 --> 01:20:27,405 during the Black Friday sale. 1991 01:20:27,845 --> 01:20:30,285 I was convinced I had somehow forgotten to prep it 1992 01:20:30,285 --> 01:20:31,405 so JB could make it. 1993 01:20:31,825 --> 01:20:34,125 And I'm like, oh my God, I'm trying to make notes of like, 1994 01:20:34,125 --> 01:20:36,165 like after the live stream, make sure you prep this paddle 1995 01:20:36,185 --> 01:20:37,645 so it can be made and then we'll put a rush 1996 01:20:37,645 --> 01:20:38,845 order on it, blah, blah, blah, blah. 1997 01:20:39,025 --> 01:20:42,605 And then I like was walking sort of racing back over to 1998 01:20:42,605 --> 01:20:43,925 where we keep orders 1999 01:20:44,065 --> 01:20:45,805 as we get them made and we're ready to ship them. 2000 01:20:45,825 --> 01:20:47,925 And it was there, I just hadn't seen it, 2001 01:20:48,585 --> 01:20:50,485 but it was in the spot it belonged in 2002 01:20:50,485 --> 01:20:51,845 and my eyes had gone right over it. 2003 01:20:51,845 --> 01:20:53,165 And I'd gone into an immediate panic 2004 01:20:53,185 --> 01:20:54,725 and I was like, I need a nap. 2005 01:20:55,265 --> 01:20:57,565 But what I got instead was an espresso . 2006 01:20:59,305 --> 01:21:02,165 And then I was sad 'cause I let myself atmosphere. 2007 01:21:02,795 --> 01:21:06,085 I'll see , I let myself try something new, 2008 01:21:06,085 --> 01:21:07,405 which I'm not always good at. 2009 01:21:08,105 --> 01:21:09,165 Um, at Dunking. 2010 01:21:09,405 --> 01:21:11,885 'cause there, if you have the Dunking app in December, 2011 01:21:12,065 --> 01:21:15,205 you can get a iced or hot medium latte for $2. 2012 01:21:15,735 --> 01:21:18,405 Great. Mm-Hmm. . And if I can get it for cheap 2013 01:21:18,705 --> 01:21:20,805 or free, I will try new flavors. 2014 01:21:20,805 --> 01:21:22,045 But if I had to fucking pay for it, 2015 01:21:22,145 --> 01:21:23,445 it has to be something I know I like. 2016 01:21:23,515 --> 01:21:25,085 Yeah. So I'm like, oh. 2017 01:21:25,225 --> 01:21:26,645 And I had to pay for it, but it was $2. 2018 01:21:26,785 --> 01:21:30,925 So I ordered their brown sugar cookie. 2019 01:21:32,195 --> 01:21:34,925 Like I got an ice latte with their brown sugar cookie. 2020 01:21:35,045 --> 01:21:36,685 I think it's called syrup. I hadn't tried it before. 2021 01:21:37,355 --> 01:21:39,205 It's fucking delicious. I will be getting it. 2022 01:21:39,265 --> 01:21:42,245 But I like to get oat milk in my lattes 2023 01:21:42,365 --> 01:21:44,165 'cause Ooh, regular, regular. 2024 01:21:45,265 --> 01:21:47,885 Not lactate milk. Nope. Not doing it. 2025 01:21:48,425 --> 01:21:50,885 So I'm like, oh, I'll get oat milk. I like oat milk. 2026 01:21:51,985 --> 01:21:53,845 Get to the drive-thru. Like we're out of oat milk. 2027 01:21:53,965 --> 01:21:55,725 I was so goddamn disappointed. 2028 01:21:55,845 --> 01:21:58,165 I was like, this is not the latte I signed up for. 2029 01:21:58,865 --> 01:22:01,045 But did I still drink every drop of this? 2030 01:22:01,045 --> 01:22:03,045 Every fucking drop? Yes. Yeah, you did. 2031 01:22:03,205 --> 01:22:04,485 I did have to bring it home and doctor it. 2032 01:22:04,645 --> 01:22:05,645 'cause almond milk is fine, 2033 01:22:05,665 --> 01:22:07,045 but it's, I like oat milk better. 2034 01:22:07,165 --> 01:22:10,285 I dunno. And I don't consider myself like an oat milk girly. 2035 01:22:10,285 --> 01:22:13,845 Like only in my lattes when normally you'd put 2036 01:22:14,435 --> 01:22:17,165 like whole milk or something in Oh yeah. 2037 01:22:21,925 --> 01:22:22,925 Yeah. 2038 01:22:23,415 --> 01:22:26,415 - . Yeah. - I don't know. 2039 01:22:26,415 --> 01:22:27,735 I'm chaotic today as always. 2040 01:22:27,735 --> 01:22:30,375 Like, I don't know why I act like it's a special thing 2041 01:22:30,435 --> 01:22:31,575 or a random thing. 2042 01:22:33,235 --> 01:22:37,815 No, no. I'm just, you know what I realize part of it is, 2043 01:22:40,055 --> 01:22:42,895 I don't know if I can say that I mask, maybe that's 2044 01:22:42,895 --> 01:22:44,095 what somebody else would say. 2045 01:22:44,095 --> 01:22:46,855 Because I don't have any official like, diagnoses 2046 01:22:46,855 --> 01:22:48,695 and I don't, you know, I just have feelings 2047 01:22:48,695 --> 01:22:49,735 about using certain terminology. 2048 01:22:49,915 --> 01:22:54,615 But if that's what I usually do when I'm in this space 2049 01:22:54,765 --> 01:22:57,975 with y'all, I don't feel like I have to as much Mm-Hmm. 2050 01:22:58,015 --> 01:22:59,095 . Like, I don't like Yeah. 2051 01:22:59,175 --> 01:23:01,775 I wanna come across as knowledgeable . 2052 01:23:01,815 --> 01:23:05,445 I want to effectively communicate my thoughts on a subject. 2053 01:23:05,585 --> 01:23:07,485 So either I help somebody 2054 01:23:08,065 --> 01:23:11,085 or I spark a thought in a conversation for somebody else. 2055 01:23:11,085 --> 01:23:13,605 Or what, you know, the things we try to do here. Yes. 2056 01:23:14,465 --> 01:23:18,885 Um, , but letting my inner goofball out 2057 01:23:19,065 --> 01:23:20,525 and just going, you know what, this is a 2058 01:23:20,525 --> 01:23:21,685 chaotic mind in here. 2059 01:23:21,705 --> 01:23:23,365 You can look at some of it with me. 2060 01:23:23,465 --> 01:23:25,165 You know, , I just, 2061 01:23:25,395 --> 01:23:27,085 it's a comfort thing where I'm like, yeah. 2062 01:23:27,505 --> 01:23:28,685 And you know, I know that, 2063 01:23:29,595 --> 01:23:32,085 that not everybody vibes with it and likes it. 2064 01:23:32,105 --> 01:23:34,685 And those folks tend to see themselves out and that's fine. 2065 01:23:34,745 --> 01:23:37,765 You know, we should all get to only consume the content 2066 01:23:37,875 --> 01:23:38,925 that you actually like 2067 01:23:39,425 --> 01:23:40,685 and that when you vibe with the people 2068 01:23:40,785 --> 01:23:43,365 and if you don't vibe with us, my feelings are not hurt. 2069 01:23:44,105 --> 01:23:48,085 Go forth, find who you vibe with. But yeah. 2070 01:23:49,565 --> 01:23:53,725 'cause I think it was, um, was it Junie 2071 01:23:53,725 --> 01:23:55,805 who said it at the top of the stream in the live chat 2072 01:23:55,895 --> 01:23:58,845 where I was podcast listeners, you could not actually see, 2073 01:23:58,985 --> 01:24:00,325 but I bet you could tell from my voice. 2074 01:24:00,805 --> 01:24:02,165 I was all over the place. Mm-Hmm. 2075 01:24:02,205 --> 01:24:05,045 and Judy was like, the hand stems. I was like, yeah. 2076 01:24:05,105 --> 01:24:08,605 The, the hand stems . Yeah. 2077 01:24:08,905 --> 01:24:12,245 See what y'all can't, what y'all don't get to witness is the 2078 01:24:12,795 --> 01:24:16,405 basically constant movement I do like in the kitchen. 2079 01:24:16,825 --> 01:24:18,045 If I have to stand still and wait 2080 01:24:18,045 --> 01:24:19,565 for something, I'm not standing still. 2081 01:24:19,565 --> 01:24:20,805 You're not Who stands still? You're not. 2082 01:24:20,805 --> 01:24:23,725 There's no standing still or the constant noise. 2083 01:24:23,845 --> 01:24:26,245 I like, I'll either be super, super quiet. 2084 01:24:26,585 --> 01:24:28,565 That's when my brain is loud. Quite frankly. 2085 01:24:28,945 --> 01:24:31,525 The quieter I physically am, the louder the brain is. 2086 01:24:32,025 --> 01:24:34,725 Or I'm just constantly making noise. 2087 01:24:35,025 --> 01:24:38,645 I'm not always speaking intelligible words. 2088 01:24:39,225 --> 01:24:40,565 I'm always making noise. 2089 01:24:40,785 --> 01:24:44,685 And I just thought that was normal until 2090 01:24:45,685 --> 01:24:47,845 I started learning about my kids' diagnoses. 2091 01:24:47,865 --> 01:24:51,125 And I was like, ah, , it's normal to me. 2092 01:24:51,285 --> 01:24:54,125 'cause it's what I do. And nobody, to my knowledge, 2093 01:24:54,485 --> 01:24:56,085 I don't have any memories of anybody ever making 2094 01:24:56,305 --> 01:24:57,325 me feel weird about it. 2095 01:24:57,325 --> 01:25:01,245 Mm-Hmm. But I do know that I only do that in places 2096 01:25:01,245 --> 01:25:02,765 where I'm extremely comfortable. 2097 01:25:02,865 --> 01:25:05,685 Excuse me. Like I do know enough to, I don't just do 2098 01:25:05,685 --> 01:25:06,725 that out at random Mm-Hmm. 2099 01:25:06,745 --> 01:25:09,565 If I find myself doing that in like, out in public randomly, 2100 01:25:09,585 --> 01:25:11,045 oh, I get really like freaked out. 2101 01:25:11,045 --> 01:25:15,325 Like what am I doing? But that mm-Hmm mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. 2102 01:25:17,545 --> 01:25:20,005 Of course with all of that being said, 2103 01:25:20,265 --> 01:25:22,525 the first thing the 18-year-old says 2104 01:25:22,525 --> 01:25:24,525 to me when he gets in the car, when I go 2105 01:25:24,525 --> 01:25:25,725 to pick him up Yeah. 2106 01:25:26,385 --> 01:25:27,885 On what Monday. He's like, 2107 01:25:28,155 --> 01:25:31,445 when are you gonna go get yourself dealt with mom ? 2108 01:25:33,875 --> 01:25:36,685 Well, I, it feels like an old tired excuse 2109 01:25:36,685 --> 01:25:38,805 to go when I finally can check all of you. 2110 01:25:39,185 --> 01:25:40,485 You guys off my fucking list. 2111 01:25:40,765 --> 01:25:42,005 'cause everybody else has issues. 2112 01:25:42,445 --> 01:25:43,685 I don't wanna say that as a parent. 2113 01:25:43,845 --> 01:25:45,245 'cause I don't want my kids to think 2114 01:25:45,245 --> 01:25:46,645 that they are the reason 2115 01:25:46,955 --> 01:25:49,245 that I'm somehow not doing something for myself. 2116 01:25:49,425 --> 01:25:52,005 But anybody who's a parent knows that taking care 2117 01:25:52,005 --> 01:25:55,205 of your kids will often, if not always come first. 2118 01:25:55,355 --> 01:25:57,965 Yeah. And they have needs and I'm gonna focus on them. 2119 01:25:57,965 --> 01:25:59,285 Mm-Hmm. JB has needs, 2120 01:25:59,305 --> 01:26:00,525 and I'm gonna focus on them, 2121 01:26:01,025 --> 01:26:02,725 but the oldest gets more 2122 01:26:02,725 --> 01:26:06,245 and more, more aware that there's life beyond him. 2123 01:26:06,755 --> 01:26:09,885 He's like, when are you gonna do with you? Mm-Hmm. 2124 01:26:09,885 --> 01:26:11,525 And he always like, has this kind of like, look 2125 01:26:11,525 --> 01:26:12,925 and this like, hmm. 2126 01:26:13,075 --> 01:26:15,525 Like all of that. And I'm like all of that. 2127 01:26:15,715 --> 01:26:18,605 It's what's makes me memorable, quirky, 2128 01:26:19,115 --> 01:26:21,285 even though I don't love the term quirky, but whatever. 2129 01:26:21,715 --> 01:26:23,445 Like quirky. There's something about quirky. 2130 01:26:23,445 --> 01:26:27,405 It's like, I don't know, 2131 01:26:27,525 --> 01:26:29,445 I can't put into words what I don't like about it. 2132 01:26:29,445 --> 01:26:30,725 Mm-Hmm. . Like, I don't mind it 2133 01:26:30,725 --> 01:26:33,325 as a word in general, but when somebody says I am 2134 01:26:33,545 --> 01:26:34,845 quirky, I'm like, Hmm. 2135 01:26:35,635 --> 01:26:39,445 That feels, what's the word? There's a word reductive. 2136 01:26:39,835 --> 01:26:42,565 It's reductive. Mm-Hmm. Yeah. 2137 01:26:44,745 --> 01:26:48,205 Oh, Judy. Yeah. That child is extremely, like, 2138 01:26:48,205 --> 01:26:50,005 he's self-aware and he's Oh yeah. 2139 01:26:50,285 --> 01:26:52,285 Starting to use that power externally and Yeah. 2140 01:26:52,385 --> 01:26:54,765 He, yeah, he's very emotionally intelligent. 2141 01:26:54,945 --> 01:26:56,765 And I, I love that for him. 2142 01:26:58,355 --> 01:27:00,165 He's struggling socially sometimes 2143 01:27:00,165 --> 01:27:04,565 because he's like, he's being real self-aware 2144 01:27:04,625 --> 01:27:07,165 and his friends are like, oh, it's okay. 2145 01:27:07,385 --> 01:27:09,245 You don't, your feelings are valid. 2146 01:27:09,245 --> 01:27:11,885 And he was like, no, no, that's not, let me translate 2147 01:27:12,915 --> 01:27:14,645 into like, and I'm like, I'm like, oh, 2148 01:27:14,645 --> 01:27:17,485 I guess I know where you got it from. I 2149 01:27:18,125 --> 01:27:19,125 - . 2150 01:27:21,705 --> 01:27:25,705 Oh goodness. So 2151 01:27:27,295 --> 01:27:28,295 - Yeah. 2152 01:27:28,295 --> 01:27:32,225 Um, I, I'm, I don't know. I could stay here all day. 2153 01:27:32,265 --> 01:27:35,145 I, I don't, I have to like go do other things. 2154 01:27:35,725 --> 01:27:37,825 Um, I don't have anything even to talk about or say. 2155 01:27:37,945 --> 01:27:40,585 I could just be, I don't know. 2156 01:27:40,625 --> 01:27:42,625 I ke I have threatened for more than a year 2157 01:27:43,085 --> 01:27:44,265 to just do random lives 2158 01:27:44,285 --> 01:27:47,185 or we're not actually like educating, informing, 2159 01:27:47,185 --> 01:27:49,105 or even entertaining and just like be 2160 01:27:49,105 --> 01:27:50,145 there on live with people. 2161 01:27:50,505 --> 01:27:51,585 I think it's because what I want 2162 01:27:51,585 --> 01:27:55,505 to do is under certain circumstances with specific people 2163 01:27:55,605 --> 01:27:58,305 and certain people actually be around people. 2164 01:27:58,605 --> 01:27:59,705 But I have to do it online 2165 01:27:59,705 --> 01:28:01,465 because in per, we're all scattered 2166 01:28:01,465 --> 01:28:02,505 across the fucking world. 2167 01:28:03,045 --> 01:28:05,745 But I mean, do people just do that they just go live 2168 01:28:05,745 --> 01:28:07,505 with no agenda, no purpose. 2169 01:28:07,895 --> 01:28:09,105 Whoever shows up, we're just, 2170 01:28:09,325 --> 01:28:11,705 so then there'll be like minutes of silence 2171 01:28:12,065 --> 01:28:13,185 'cause you're just existing. 2172 01:28:13,905 --> 01:28:15,745 I don't know. I'm sure somebody does that 2173 01:28:15,745 --> 01:28:17,265 because if you can have a thought, 2174 01:28:17,285 --> 01:28:18,345 it means somebody else has 2175 01:28:18,405 --> 01:28:19,945 or also had the thought and probably done the thing. 2176 01:28:19,945 --> 01:28:22,745 Mm-Hmm. . But yeah, I would just do that. 2177 01:28:24,525 --> 01:28:27,225 But I also recognize I that's a lot of us. 2178 01:28:27,225 --> 01:28:28,625 Like I don't usually drink espresso 2179 01:28:28,685 --> 01:28:32,425 and I did not get a decaf. Do not get a decaf. 2180 01:28:32,425 --> 01:28:33,785 - Yeah. I wisely got the decaf. 2181 01:28:33,945 --> 01:28:35,185 'cause that's my third coffee today. 2182 01:28:35,185 --> 01:28:36,265 - Right. That was my second. 2183 01:28:36,605 --> 01:28:38,905 And it's like only a couple of shots of espresso. 2184 01:28:38,905 --> 01:28:42,105 It's not a big drink. So , it's fine. 2185 01:28:45,925 --> 01:28:48,825 But also my, my mind has been like chaotic even 2186 01:28:48,825 --> 01:28:49,905 before I had espresso. 2187 01:28:50,525 --> 01:28:54,865 So. Yeah. So can I really blame the espresso? Probably not. 2188 01:28:55,345 --> 01:28:58,505 - Probably not. Probably not. Oh gosh. 2189 01:29:00,015 --> 01:29:01,405 - Okay. We should probably go. Yeah. 2190 01:29:01,445 --> 01:29:02,245 I have things I have to do 2191 01:29:02,245 --> 01:29:03,205 before I have to go do other things. 2192 01:29:03,205 --> 01:29:05,005 Mm-Hmm. before I can then do even more things. 2193 01:29:05,105 --> 01:29:06,805 Yep. I'm planning on going out in the shop. 2194 01:29:07,285 --> 01:29:09,325 I saw you had your work clothes, like laid out. Yeah. 2195 01:29:09,325 --> 01:29:12,285 Laid out and ready to go. Yep. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . 2196 01:29:12,285 --> 01:29:16,285 Okay. We're gonna go, we'll be back on YouTube. 2197 01:29:16,435 --> 01:29:19,525 Live that part. Friday, December 15th. Podcast listeners. 2198 01:29:19,525 --> 01:29:21,045 That's the day this episode goes live. 2199 01:29:21,925 --> 01:29:25,245 9:30 PM Eastern. Uh, yeah. 2200 01:29:25,245 --> 01:29:27,445 Hopefully we'll see you then. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. 2201 01:29:27,755 --> 01:29:31,965 Alright. Bye. Bye. I'm hitting.