1 00:00:11,425 --> 00:00:14,805 - You are listening to Loving BDSM podcast, episode 3 76. 2 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,965 Kayla Lord's here with a one, the only, 3 00:00:17,265 --> 00:00:20,685 the guy who's doing like a really new hand movement thing 4 00:00:20,685 --> 00:00:22,605 to give me my cue that I can start talking. 5 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,525 And it feels a little bit like interpretive dance. 6 00:00:25,795 --> 00:00:28,485 John Brownstone . What is happening there? 7 00:00:28,705 --> 00:00:31,485 You had an arm thing, A finger thing, A head thing. 8 00:00:31,515 --> 00:00:33,125 Like you, your whole body was in it. 9 00:00:33,865 --> 00:00:35,165 - I'm just getting into the moment. 10 00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:38,965 - Clearly it was a dramatic interpretation. Yeah. 11 00:00:38,985 --> 00:00:42,685 Of 1, 2, 3, go. , actually, to be accurate. 12 00:00:42,685 --> 00:00:43,845 3, 2, 1. Go. . 13 00:00:43,845 --> 00:00:46,085 - Right? There you go. There you go. Get it right. 14 00:00:46,605 --> 00:00:47,805 - . Yeah. 15 00:00:47,845 --> 00:00:51,285 I don't wanna misrepresent your, uh, your, uh, 16 00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:53,045 bold new moves there. Thank you, 17 00:00:53,365 --> 00:00:54,365 - . 18 00:00:54,365 --> 00:00:55,725 - I'm gonna have to get video of that at some point 19 00:00:56,345 --> 00:00:58,645 and like, make that a reel or a short or something 20 00:00:58,665 --> 00:01:00,405 and be like, oh, look, here's the, 21 00:01:02,555 --> 00:01:04,005 Lola has opinions about it too. 22 00:01:04,085 --> 00:01:06,365 - I see that. - Uh, for the record, that's not 23 00:01:06,365 --> 00:01:07,365 what we're talking about this week. 24 00:01:07,785 --> 00:01:11,005 Uh, this week we're answering more questions, uh, 25 00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:13,445 because we're tired and we find these fun. 26 00:01:14,055 --> 00:01:15,205 These are about 27 00:01:15,345 --> 00:01:18,005 how well we know each other in our relationship. 28 00:01:18,405 --> 00:01:20,525 Hmm. Uh, spoiler alert, none 29 00:01:20,525 --> 00:01:23,045 of these questions are specifically kink related, though. 30 00:01:23,045 --> 00:01:24,165 I did kink up one question. 31 00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,405 Ah, well, 'cause it was a question about sex. 32 00:01:26,525 --> 00:01:27,805 I went No, no, no, no, no. Let's, 33 00:01:27,805 --> 00:01:28,925 let's talk about kink on that one. 34 00:01:29,065 --> 00:01:32,845 So yeah, these are more like non kink, like basic, 35 00:01:33,825 --> 00:01:36,245 but in depth good questions. 36 00:01:36,345 --> 00:01:38,525 So that's what we're doing this week. Alright. 37 00:01:38,635 --> 00:01:40,285 Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. 38 00:01:40,465 --> 00:01:42,285 If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. 39 00:01:42,285 --> 00:01:43,845 If you're back for another week, welcome back. 40 00:01:44,985 --> 00:01:46,525 So says Lola Loving. 41 00:01:46,685 --> 00:01:48,805 B DSM is producer Every Mon Friday and Monday. 42 00:01:49,225 --> 00:01:51,085 Uh, for your Kiki pleasure and education 43 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,605 and show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 44 00:01:53,915 --> 00:01:55,525 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast 45 00:01:55,665 --> 00:01:56,965 to your favorite podcast app. 46 00:01:57,225 --> 00:01:59,445 You can also follow the show on Twitter X. 47 00:01:59,825 --> 00:02:02,125 Is it still even alive today? We don't know. 48 00:02:02,525 --> 00:02:07,485 at Loving BDSM on FetLife at loving BDSM PC 49 00:02:08,185 --> 00:02:09,965 on Instagram and threads at that handle. 50 00:02:10,085 --> 00:02:13,885 I will forever fucking hate loving DSS on the number one. 51 00:02:13,885 --> 00:02:15,685 So that's at Loving DSS one, 52 00:02:16,065 --> 00:02:18,645 or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving 53 00:02:19,035 --> 00:02:20,085 bdsm, where you can watch us live. 54 00:02:20,085 --> 00:02:21,525 Stream the podcast every Wednesday. 55 00:02:21,625 --> 00:02:23,525 As long as YouTube has 'em put us on the corner. 56 00:02:23,965 --> 00:02:25,125 all links are in the show notes. 57 00:02:25,485 --> 00:02:28,205 A big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, 58 00:02:28,205 --> 00:02:30,445 including our newest peeps, we're able 59 00:02:30,445 --> 00:02:32,765 to keep doing this weird thing we do on the internet in 60 00:02:32,765 --> 00:02:34,845 large part because of our kinky patrons. 61 00:02:35,145 --> 00:02:37,085 And we're fucking grateful for every one of you. 62 00:02:37,705 --> 00:02:39,445 If you'd like to join our kinky community 63 00:02:39,445 --> 00:02:40,885 and get access to extra content 64 00:02:40,985 --> 00:02:42,805 and a Discord server with a group of super cool, 65 00:02:42,805 --> 00:02:44,205 super nice sters, you can do that. 66 00:02:44,435 --> 00:02:47,365 Just join us at patreon.com/kayla lords. 67 00:02:47,485 --> 00:02:51,365 That's patreon.com/kayla lords, 68 00:02:51,385 --> 00:02:52,725 or use the link in the show notes. 69 00:02:52,815 --> 00:02:57,525 There you go. Okay. Clicked. I feel very out of practice. 70 00:02:57,745 --> 00:02:59,805 It was just one unplanned week off, 71 00:02:59,945 --> 00:03:03,285 and I feel very, uh, very out of practice. 72 00:03:03,565 --> 00:03:04,885 . How does this work? 73 00:03:05,125 --> 00:03:07,365 I don't know, but we're gonna pretend we have a clue. 74 00:03:07,365 --> 00:03:12,325 Anyway, so this week's episode was inspired by, um, 75 00:03:12,635 --> 00:03:13,645 another therapy. 76 00:03:13,915 --> 00:03:17,405 Jeff Post. Actually, I found two and I sent them both to JB 77 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,165 and went, oh, let's answer these questions. 78 00:03:19,785 --> 00:03:24,365 Um, and, um, we went with this one. 79 00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:25,645 The other ones are spicy, 80 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:28,045 but I just wasn't feeling in a spicy mood today. 81 00:03:28,545 --> 00:03:32,445 Um, so as you can tell from the titles, we're gonna find out 82 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:34,445 how well we know one another according 83 00:03:34,445 --> 00:03:35,765 to relationship questions. 84 00:03:35,765 --> 00:03:37,525 That therapy Jeff on Instagram, 85 00:03:37,545 --> 00:03:41,325 who is likely also on TikTok, um, poses. 86 00:03:41,585 --> 00:03:44,885 So if you were interested in therapy, Jeff, these questions, 87 00:03:45,345 --> 00:03:48,885 uh, any of that I have linked to it, uh, in the places. 88 00:03:49,025 --> 00:03:50,125 So you can go watch the, 89 00:03:50,435 --> 00:03:52,525 it's the Instagram reel 'cause I'm not on TikTok. 90 00:03:52,905 --> 00:03:56,205 Um, so what we're gonna do is I'm gonna ask JB the question 91 00:03:57,185 --> 00:04:00,685 and what the question is, is it's how well he knows me 92 00:04:01,785 --> 00:04:04,805 and what he thinks I would do with in terms of the question. 93 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:07,165 And then after he answers, I'll give the answer of 94 00:04:07,165 --> 00:04:09,245 what I think he would do, and we'll compare notes 95 00:04:09,245 --> 00:04:10,925 and see if, if we know each other well 96 00:04:10,925 --> 00:04:12,125 enough and we're getting it right. 97 00:04:12,705 --> 00:04:16,885 And it's sort of a, um, intimacy, vulnerability, 98 00:04:17,225 --> 00:04:18,325 how we behave Mm-Hmm. 99 00:04:18,365 --> 00:04:22,285 kind of stuff. Um, so let's see. 100 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,525 Um, okay. First question. 101 00:04:28,995 --> 00:04:32,005 - Okay. , - I'm afraid 102 00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:33,925 'cause I don't even think I know the answer to this. 103 00:04:34,105 --> 00:04:37,525 Ah, what is the first sign that I am annoyed with you? 104 00:04:38,865 --> 00:04:39,885 - Ooh, . 105 00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:43,525 - I don't, I tried to think of if I knew the answer. 106 00:04:43,885 --> 00:04:46,285 I, I couldn't. I didn't, wasn't sure . 107 00:04:46,515 --> 00:04:48,005 - Well, here, here is 108 00:04:48,275 --> 00:04:49,805 what I have noticed. Mm-Hmm. . 109 00:04:50,005 --> 00:04:52,405 - Mm-Hmm. - My perspective. 110 00:04:52,505 --> 00:04:53,925 Mm-Hmm. . Two things. 111 00:04:54,275 --> 00:04:59,045 - Okay. - First I'll get the eye roll, 112 00:05:00,065 --> 00:05:02,445 - But I just walk around rolling my eyes. Is it a 113 00:05:02,445 --> 00:05:03,445 - Certain eye roll? 114 00:05:03,445 --> 00:05:04,765 This is a different eye roll. This is like a 115 00:05:06,545 --> 00:05:08,245 - Oh, with the breath . 116 00:05:08,345 --> 00:05:09,605 - And, and it's, 117 00:05:09,625 --> 00:05:12,205 and it, it's accompanied with a sigh . 118 00:05:14,785 --> 00:05:16,925 - Mm-Hmm. . I, I can't, I can't deny 119 00:05:16,925 --> 00:05:20,485 that if I'm rolling my eyes 120 00:05:20,545 --> 00:05:22,005 and sighing deeply and heavily. 121 00:05:22,235 --> 00:05:25,525 Yeah. More often than not, I'm annoyed. Right. 122 00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:27,845 But I might not be annoyed with you. 123 00:05:27,965 --> 00:05:29,365 I might be annoyed with the situation. 124 00:05:29,905 --> 00:05:33,205 - That's true. But it, you know, when it, it's, 125 00:05:33,205 --> 00:05:34,485 it comes down to me too. 126 00:05:34,685 --> 00:05:38,685 I get the Yeah. I'm, I'm like a situation too sometimes. 127 00:05:39,115 --> 00:05:40,285 Okay. You definitely are 128 00:05:40,525 --> 00:05:41,525 - . 129 00:05:41,525 --> 00:05:42,205 You absolute. I completely are. 130 00:05:43,515 --> 00:05:45,605 - Yeah. - Was that the two together? Okay. 131 00:05:45,605 --> 00:05:46,925 - That was, that was the two together. 132 00:05:47,195 --> 00:05:49,885 - Okay. So, - So now for me, 133 00:05:50,415 --> 00:05:52,485 - First sign that you're annoyed with me. 134 00:05:52,595 --> 00:05:57,045 Yeah. My first sign that it's genuine annoyance tends to be, 135 00:05:57,045 --> 00:05:58,645 be either the tone of your voice. 136 00:05:59,565 --> 00:06:01,445 'cause it gets sharp and I usually 137 00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:02,765 interpret it as I'm being yelled at. 138 00:06:02,785 --> 00:06:04,765 And I don't handle that well. Mm-Hmm. Thank you. 139 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,085 Childhood trauma. Um, 140 00:06:06,865 --> 00:06:09,605 or you get real, 141 00:06:09,865 --> 00:06:12,085 um, short with your answers. 142 00:06:12,185 --> 00:06:14,125 Mm-Hmm. Like, you don't give me full sentences. 143 00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:17,485 You don't, won't even sometimes look at me. 144 00:06:17,485 --> 00:06:19,645 If you're really annoyed, you'll answer me. 145 00:06:19,665 --> 00:06:21,285 But you're either real sharp with your tone 146 00:06:21,305 --> 00:06:23,045 or real short with your responses. 147 00:06:23,345 --> 00:06:25,125 And what kills me is I think, go, what's going on? 148 00:06:25,125 --> 00:06:27,405 Is everything okay? Are you okay? He's like, I'm fine. 149 00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:30,285 Which is the universal sign that he's not fine. 150 00:06:31,305 --> 00:06:34,405 Um, . But yeah. 151 00:06:34,625 --> 00:06:37,205 And then now there are times I'm oblivious to that. 152 00:06:37,265 --> 00:06:40,405 We get all the way to the point of, you're like, you're, 153 00:06:41,035 --> 00:06:43,645 when I say if you know the term, when I say barking, 154 00:06:43,685 --> 00:06:45,005 I do not mean literally like a dog, 155 00:06:45,025 --> 00:06:47,965 but like your, your answers are loud, sharp, 156 00:06:48,385 --> 00:06:49,525 and short all at the same time. 157 00:06:50,065 --> 00:06:52,245 That's when I've been oblivious to the annoyance. 158 00:06:52,385 --> 00:06:54,725 And then we're at like, the next step, the next level 159 00:06:54,825 --> 00:06:56,005 of annoyance, . 160 00:06:56,225 --> 00:06:59,285 Um, so yeah. Yeah. We have clearly have obvious tells. 161 00:06:59,355 --> 00:07:00,525 Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Next 162 00:07:00,765 --> 00:07:01,765 - Question. 163 00:07:01,765 --> 00:07:01,845 Yeah. All right. 164 00:07:02,565 --> 00:07:06,965 - . And we'll say, when we say in the mood here, 165 00:07:07,025 --> 00:07:08,605 it can be sexually or for kink. 166 00:07:08,635 --> 00:07:12,245 Okay. Mm-Hmm. . What's the most effective move 167 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,565 or phrase to get me in the mood? 168 00:07:16,225 --> 00:07:19,485 - Ooh. Since your libido tank has been 169 00:07:19,485 --> 00:07:20,845 so long, I don't remember. . 170 00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:24,445 - Well, how do we navigate it now? That's our reality. Now 171 00:07:29,155 --> 00:07:30,155 - Thus far. 172 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,645 I would have to say the best way 173 00:07:32,645 --> 00:07:37,445 to get you in the mood at this point sexually, is 174 00:07:37,445 --> 00:07:40,325 to have you read a reverse harem book. Oh, 175 00:07:40,425 --> 00:07:41,965 - The reverse harem doesn't for me. 176 00:07:42,525 --> 00:07:46,045 . . Yeah. Leave me the fuck alone. 177 00:07:46,385 --> 00:07:47,965 Let me read, let it be. 178 00:07:48,605 --> 00:07:51,245 Doesn't have to be well written, like, written well enough 179 00:07:51,245 --> 00:07:53,125 that I like, am engaged with it and we'll, Mm-Hmm. 180 00:07:53,165 --> 00:07:54,045 , the story's gotta be good. 181 00:07:54,065 --> 00:07:55,205 The sex has gotta be hot. 182 00:07:55,295 --> 00:07:57,285 Right. I like reverse harems 183 00:07:57,285 --> 00:07:59,685 that more when everybody interacts. 184 00:07:59,685 --> 00:08:02,125 Like, it's not just all these men on this one woman. 185 00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,725 It's like, oh, I'll interact with you 186 00:08:03,825 --> 00:08:05,165 and then, then we're crossing over that. 187 00:08:05,705 --> 00:08:07,885 But yes, yes, you're right. Reverse harem 188 00:08:07,885 --> 00:08:08,685 - Does it. Alright. 189 00:08:08,875 --> 00:08:10,965 - What about getting me in - The kink and kink wise? 190 00:08:11,025 --> 00:08:15,725 Mm-Hmm. . Um, now sometimes all 191 00:08:15,725 --> 00:08:17,165 that takes is walking by you 192 00:08:17,165 --> 00:08:18,685 and giving you a swat on the ass. 193 00:08:18,685 --> 00:08:20,485 And you'll be like, don't threaten me with a good time. 194 00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:22,125 . 195 00:08:22,245 --> 00:08:24,045 - I try to keep the signals real clear for you 196 00:08:24,065 --> 00:08:25,765 so you don't have to worry. Yeah, yeah. 197 00:08:25,765 --> 00:08:27,725 - Exactly. Exactly. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. 198 00:08:27,765 --> 00:08:28,845 . You know, so that, uh, 199 00:08:29,795 --> 00:08:31,005 that, that kind of does it. 200 00:08:31,065 --> 00:08:34,045 Or if I just leave a specific toy out 201 00:08:34,625 --> 00:08:35,625 - Oh yeah. 202 00:08:35,625 --> 00:08:37,405 I'm either like terrified or I'm really intrigued. Right. 203 00:08:37,425 --> 00:08:39,125 But either way I'll bend over. That's 204 00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:40,125 - Fine. 205 00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:41,205 Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. 206 00:08:42,665 --> 00:08:46,405 - So the most, what I think the most effective move 207 00:08:46,465 --> 00:08:48,085 or phrase to get you in the mood. 208 00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:49,645 Mm-Hmm. . First of all, I don't really, 209 00:08:49,945 --> 00:08:53,565 if I say come straight out and go, I'd like to fuck. 210 00:08:53,865 --> 00:08:55,420 That's it. That's, we're done. Done. You're good. 211 00:08:55,420 --> 00:08:56,445 You're like, all right, , 212 00:08:56,515 --> 00:08:58,405 because you know, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna just say 213 00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:01,325 that at a time as like, random or not gonna hurt. 214 00:09:01,325 --> 00:09:05,085 Right. Um, I have found that whether we're for, 215 00:09:05,265 --> 00:09:08,485 for sexually, if I just like start touching you 216 00:09:08,705 --> 00:09:11,285 or getting close to you or rubbing up on you Yeah. 217 00:09:11,505 --> 00:09:13,525 And I don't have to touch a body part, 218 00:09:13,525 --> 00:09:14,725 like a specific body part. 219 00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,085 I mean, there's no genital contact. 220 00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:19,645 I can rub the top of your head. I can lean into your arm. 221 00:09:20,325 --> 00:09:22,125 I can start stroking your beard. 222 00:09:22,745 --> 00:09:25,845 Now I, because I know you really like touch. Right. 223 00:09:25,875 --> 00:09:27,165 When I just do it as a one-off 224 00:09:27,165 --> 00:09:29,485 and keep walking, that is not what Mm-Hmm. 225 00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:30,805 . It's when I give you my focused 226 00:09:30,805 --> 00:09:31,885 attention. Exactly. 227 00:09:32,055 --> 00:09:33,485 - Right. - Yeah. That's the extent. 228 00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,765 Because that's, I'm signaling 229 00:09:34,765 --> 00:09:36,445 and then he better take control. 'cause I don't know 230 00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:37,445 - What the fuck we're doing. 231 00:09:37,445 --> 00:09:38,445 Right. And you're right, because touch is 232 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:39,765 very important to me, right? Yeah. 233 00:09:40,225 --> 00:09:42,085 - Now for kink, I actually am 234 00:09:42,085 --> 00:09:43,165 really direct with you on that. 235 00:09:43,345 --> 00:09:44,365 You are. I'll be like, 236 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:47,165 I could really go for a spanking Mm-Hmm. 237 00:09:47,205 --> 00:09:49,205 or, you know, what I've been thinking about 238 00:09:49,665 --> 00:09:52,845 as, you know, having the Hitachi strapped me 239 00:09:52,865 --> 00:09:55,445 and me being helpless and I just say it like when 240 00:09:55,445 --> 00:09:56,525 it's kink, I just, yeah. 241 00:09:56,525 --> 00:09:57,805 Mm-Hmm. , I just say it. Mm-Hmm. . 242 00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:59,445 And that seems to work for you, . Yeah. 243 00:10:00,115 --> 00:10:01,765 - Well, I mean, we, we've always kind 244 00:10:01,765 --> 00:10:03,565 of been a, a little direct on that. 245 00:10:03,685 --> 00:10:06,685 I mean, we even had a, um, back in the early days, 246 00:10:06,685 --> 00:10:10,325 we even made a signal for when you wanted 247 00:10:10,325 --> 00:10:11,565 to be spanked, you'd 248 00:10:11,565 --> 00:10:12,565 - Say, oh, yeah. 249 00:10:12,565 --> 00:10:14,205 But that was like a maintenance or a therapeutic spanking. 250 00:10:14,205 --> 00:10:16,165 True. True. That wasn't like, let's get kinky. 251 00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:18,885 Like I'm true. Yeah, yeah. True. But we did have a signal. 252 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:22,405 You're right. Yeah. Okay. Next question. 253 00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:24,245 When I'm stressed Mm-Hmm. 254 00:10:24,285 --> 00:10:26,405 , what do I find most helpful? 255 00:10:26,995 --> 00:10:30,165 Venting, problem solving, distraction, 256 00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,445 giving space, or hooking up. 257 00:10:32,995 --> 00:10:34,925 Well, we know which one, it's not . 258 00:10:36,405 --> 00:10:39,365 - Hmm. So for you, 259 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:45,685 um, outta that list, I, I would pick two things. Mm-Hmm. 260 00:10:45,965 --> 00:10:48,365 - , - I would have 261 00:10:48,365 --> 00:10:50,245 to go definitely with venting. 262 00:10:51,465 --> 00:10:53,165 - Oh yeah. Please let me Yeah. 263 00:10:53,165 --> 00:10:55,525 - Release some steam. You, you, you need to pressure pot. 264 00:10:55,525 --> 00:10:57,565 Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Like, yeah, exactly. 265 00:10:57,595 --> 00:10:59,725 Like a pressure pot. You need to let off some of that. 266 00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:01,605 Mm-Hmm. that pent up frustration 267 00:11:01,785 --> 00:11:03,645 and, you know, get it, get it out of the system. 268 00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:05,245 Mm-Hmm. . And, 269 00:11:05,345 --> 00:11:08,925 and there's also, um, a, a bit 270 00:11:08,925 --> 00:11:10,765 of giving you space as 271 00:11:10,765 --> 00:11:11,765 - Well. 272 00:11:11,765 --> 00:11:14,325 Mm mm Yeah. 273 00:11:14,765 --> 00:11:17,605 'cause until I'm ready, like, until I'm calm enough 274 00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:19,405 or focused enough 275 00:11:19,405 --> 00:11:21,325 or like in the right mindset, like I don't want to talk 276 00:11:22,045 --> 00:11:23,725 because I'm just, I'm gonna stay stressed. 277 00:11:23,755 --> 00:11:25,845 Because what happens is when I get stressed, I get annoyed. 278 00:11:25,875 --> 00:11:27,485 Yeah. And then we're back to eye rolling 279 00:11:27,665 --> 00:11:29,445 and sighing, , 280 00:11:30,195 --> 00:11:31,325 - It's like a vicious cycle, 281 00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:34,205 - Which just presents not always you 282 00:11:34,265 --> 00:11:35,805 who are the annoyance, it's the 283 00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:39,365 situation. So, 284 00:11:39,505 --> 00:11:40,505 - So yeah. 285 00:11:40,505 --> 00:11:41,685 Those, those are the definitely the two things 286 00:11:41,845 --> 00:11:42,925 I would go with for you. 287 00:11:43,355 --> 00:11:44,645 - Yeah. I mean, yeah. I do. 288 00:11:44,885 --> 00:11:47,405 I have, I'll say I've always appreciated about you 289 00:11:47,585 --> 00:11:49,285 and I don't always give it to you , 290 00:11:49,385 --> 00:11:51,205 but I appreciate that you just let me vent. 291 00:11:51,305 --> 00:11:52,245 Mm-Hmm. . And you don't 292 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,670 immediately go into problem solving. 293 00:11:54,165 --> 00:11:56,445 I think in the very beginning, we, we both definitely did. 294 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,245 And we talked it through and went, this is not helpful. 295 00:11:58,425 --> 00:11:59,485 And so we just stopped. Right. 296 00:11:59,945 --> 00:12:02,885 Um, I do still want to go, like, 297 00:12:02,925 --> 00:12:05,245 I wanna fix your problems immediately as you're Mm-Hmm. 298 00:12:05,285 --> 00:12:06,285 as the person who loves you, 299 00:12:06,285 --> 00:12:07,765 but also that's my service sub self. 300 00:12:07,765 --> 00:12:09,205 So that's what I do. 301 00:12:09,265 --> 00:12:11,285 That's not what you want. Mm-Hmm. . 302 00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:14,285 - I think, I think what helped change my mind on 303 00:12:14,285 --> 00:12:18,245 that a little bit, because, um, I've, I've always been a bit 304 00:12:18,245 --> 00:12:19,285 of a fixer myself. 305 00:12:19,785 --> 00:12:22,485 Um, saw the video, it's not about the nail. 306 00:12:24,245 --> 00:12:26,265 - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember that? Vaguely. 307 00:12:26,285 --> 00:12:27,225 You might have to explain it. 308 00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:28,345 'cause I can't explain all the, 309 00:12:28,645 --> 00:12:32,945 - Um, woman has a nail in her forehead. 310 00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:37,705 Mm. And and she's just like griping on about the headache 311 00:12:37,705 --> 00:12:40,905 and, and all this from what I kind of remember of it. Yeah. 312 00:12:41,285 --> 00:12:42,745 - And yeah, there's all these things going wrong 313 00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:44,625 because there's a nail in her forehead. 314 00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:46,185 Right. As you would imagine if there was 315 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,345 a nail in your forehead. 316 00:12:47,555 --> 00:12:52,345 - Right. And her partner is, 317 00:12:52,565 --> 00:12:54,705 you know, trying to explain, you know, just 318 00:12:55,215 --> 00:12:56,545 - Take, take the nail outta your front 319 00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:57,575 - Nail. 320 00:12:57,575 --> 00:12:58,905 Yeah. And what it came down 321 00:12:58,905 --> 00:13:00,945 to in the end is it's not about the nail, 322 00:13:01,375 --> 00:13:03,585 it's about just being able to, let 323 00:13:03,585 --> 00:13:05,065 - Me just share my frustration with you. 324 00:13:05,065 --> 00:13:06,585 Yeah. Yeah. Just listen to me. Right. 325 00:13:06,845 --> 00:13:09,665 So when you're stressed, what do you find most helpful? 326 00:13:09,805 --> 00:13:11,105 Mm-Hmm. , venting, problem solving, 327 00:13:11,465 --> 00:13:12,825 distraction, giving space, or hooking up. 328 00:13:13,365 --> 00:13:18,265 So I think you are, you do vent at times. 329 00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:19,865 Mm-Hmm. like, when it gets really bad, 330 00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:21,545 you do kind of, you'll explode. 331 00:13:21,605 --> 00:13:23,785 But I've noticed that the first thing you will sometimes, 332 00:13:23,805 --> 00:13:28,265 or one of the things you'll do is you'll distract yourself 333 00:13:28,805 --> 00:13:30,465 and you kind, you wanna be alone 334 00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:32,185 until you've thought it through. 335 00:13:32,275 --> 00:13:34,625 Right? Yeah. Third in that list is the venting. 336 00:13:34,775 --> 00:13:38,265 Once you've, like, you're probably playing solitaire on the 337 00:13:38,425 --> 00:13:40,225 computer or reading porn. 338 00:13:40,285 --> 00:13:41,945 Mm-Hmm. or watching porn, um, 339 00:13:42,205 --> 00:13:43,385 or playing a game on your phone. 340 00:13:43,445 --> 00:13:45,985 You're doing one of those things. You're go-to distractions. 341 00:13:46,045 --> 00:13:48,065 You're gonna do that first. Mm-Hmm. 342 00:13:48,105 --> 00:13:49,985 you while you're being distracted. 343 00:13:49,985 --> 00:13:51,345 You don't want me to distract you. 344 00:13:51,365 --> 00:13:52,905 You wanna distract yourself. Yeah. 345 00:13:53,475 --> 00:13:55,505 While that's happening, you would prefer space. 346 00:13:55,525 --> 00:13:57,065 You don't want me to come talk. You don't want me 347 00:13:57,065 --> 00:13:58,065 to come ask what's wrong? 348 00:13:58,065 --> 00:13:59,185 Mm-Hmm. . You also don't want me 349 00:13:59,185 --> 00:14:01,425 to inundate you with too many other things 350 00:14:02,085 --> 00:14:04,545 unless work is a distraction. 351 00:14:05,285 --> 00:14:08,025 But then because you're stressed, 352 00:14:09,445 --> 00:14:10,945 you're easily annoyed. 353 00:14:11,005 --> 00:14:12,825 And then we get your signs of annoyance 354 00:14:12,825 --> 00:14:14,425 because you're not really annoyed with me. 355 00:14:14,425 --> 00:14:15,825 You're annoyed at the situation, 356 00:14:15,885 --> 00:14:17,185 but your distraction is work. 357 00:14:17,185 --> 00:14:18,185 And I'm talking about work 358 00:14:18,805 --> 00:14:21,065 and you really don't wanna hear what I have to say. 359 00:14:21,325 --> 00:14:23,905 You're trying to distract yourself with work. Yes. 360 00:14:23,985 --> 00:14:26,905 I have figured this man out. Did, is there any question? 361 00:14:27,585 --> 00:14:29,505 . So we're gonna go with distract, 362 00:14:30,095 --> 00:14:31,105 then give you space, 363 00:14:31,285 --> 00:14:33,185 and then when you're ready after space Mm-Hmm. 364 00:14:33,185 --> 00:14:35,785 Then you want to vent. And I have to remind myself that just 365 00:14:35,905 --> 00:14:38,025 'cause he's done all the work to distract and get space 366 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,145 and he's ready to vent. 367 00:14:39,325 --> 00:14:41,585 He is not ready for me to fix it at all. 368 00:14:41,745 --> 00:14:42,825 'cause then we're back to annoyance 369 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,465 and we're getting short, sharp answers. 370 00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,985 . It's a cycle, but yeah, 371 00:14:48,775 --> 00:14:50,145 - It's a cycle. 372 00:14:50,215 --> 00:14:52,405 - When the, the only time we really have a lot 373 00:14:52,405 --> 00:14:54,245 of conflict about when you're stressed. 374 00:14:54,265 --> 00:14:57,365 Mm-Hmm. when I try to fix, well, he's venting 375 00:14:57,365 --> 00:14:59,045 and I'm, I'm learning and I'm doing better on that. 376 00:14:59,185 --> 00:15:02,525 But if we choose to use work as your distraction, 377 00:15:02,525 --> 00:15:04,205 which I use when I'm stressed as well. 378 00:15:04,205 --> 00:15:06,165 Mm-Hmm. , um, we don't have 379 00:15:06,165 --> 00:15:07,285 productive conversations. 380 00:15:07,425 --> 00:15:08,885 No. We can't plan anything. 381 00:15:09,085 --> 00:15:11,285 I literally just have to let you go do the thing 382 00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:14,805 and save business conversations for when you're not actively 383 00:15:15,605 --> 00:15:16,605 - Stressed. 384 00:15:16,605 --> 00:15:19,845 Yeah. 'cause I'll, um, I I do tend to go quiet. 385 00:15:20,145 --> 00:15:24,085 And there have been times where I have gotten so quiet 386 00:15:24,145 --> 00:15:25,965 to the point you've had to drag it outta me. 387 00:15:26,065 --> 00:15:27,065 Mm-Hmm. . 388 00:15:29,745 --> 00:15:32,365 - Yes. Yeah. That's, then that's when we're at the end 389 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:33,725 of it because Mm-Hmm. 390 00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:34,965 , your behavior has changed. 391 00:15:35,355 --> 00:15:37,045 Kind of treating me a little bit shitty. 392 00:15:37,785 --> 00:15:39,805 You're walking around acting a little shitty. 393 00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:43,405 Not like bad, like negative, like nothing like 394 00:15:43,405 --> 00:15:44,485 that could end a relationship. 395 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:47,525 Right. But you're just like, there's a storm cloud over your 396 00:15:47,525 --> 00:15:48,765 head and you lash out. 397 00:15:49,045 --> 00:15:50,645 . True. You, I mean you, 398 00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:55,005 the cancer symbol is a fucking crab for a fucking Right. 399 00:15:55,075 --> 00:15:57,125 Like you lash out. Mm-Hmm. . And so, yeah. 400 00:15:57,125 --> 00:15:59,085 Yeah. Okay. Okay, here 401 00:15:59,085 --> 00:15:59,805 - We go. All right. 402 00:16:00,435 --> 00:16:02,725 - What feels more loving to me? 403 00:16:03,835 --> 00:16:07,525 Cuddles on the couch being told why you left me, 404 00:16:07,865 --> 00:16:09,445 or having dinner made in the house cleaned. 405 00:16:12,545 --> 00:16:15,365 So we've got touch, we've got words of affirmation 406 00:16:15,425 --> 00:16:17,765 or we've got acts of service. . 407 00:16:17,925 --> 00:16:22,405 - I I would have to, I would have to say with you, it, it's, 408 00:16:23,335 --> 00:16:25,645 oddly enough, it's gonna come down to acts 409 00:16:25,645 --> 00:16:27,725 of service doing things. Mm-Hmm. 410 00:16:27,765 --> 00:16:30,045 - take my load. Yeah. Up off. 411 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,885 Give me one less thing to worry about. Yeah. 412 00:16:31,885 --> 00:16:34,885 - Yeah. I mean, cuddles for you are nice, 413 00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:39,045 but you're not really a, a touch me person. 414 00:16:40,915 --> 00:16:42,485 - Okay. Yeah. - I'm not . Same. 415 00:16:44,055 --> 00:16:46,485 Makes me wondered how I ended up in this. You know, 416 00:16:46,865 --> 00:16:48,125 - You should be glad I'm a service sub. 417 00:16:48,125 --> 00:16:49,285 That's how you get touched . 418 00:16:49,285 --> 00:16:53,045 - That's true. . And, um, 419 00:16:54,705 --> 00:16:59,165 you, you've had the conversation with me numerous times, 420 00:17:00,105 --> 00:17:02,805 how it's not words of love. 421 00:17:03,265 --> 00:17:05,365 No. I don't that mean anything to you. 422 00:17:05,635 --> 00:17:07,525 It's act the actions Right. 423 00:17:07,525 --> 00:17:08,485 - Behind the words. So, and you, 424 00:17:08,515 --> 00:17:09,845 there's, there's two parts to that. 425 00:17:09,845 --> 00:17:12,165 Mm-Hmm. . My dad never said it. 426 00:17:12,545 --> 00:17:15,325 He did not say he just was not word that way. 427 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,085 And I know that's not healthy, but there are. 428 00:17:17,465 --> 00:17:20,445 But he, and he would actually tell me he would justify. 429 00:17:20,605 --> 00:17:23,245 I don't say it a lot, but everything I do for your mother 430 00:17:23,785 --> 00:17:25,165 is meant to show her that I love her. 431 00:17:25,225 --> 00:17:28,245 And quite frankly, if as an adult, if he was still alive, 432 00:17:28,305 --> 00:17:30,525 I'd have been like, she kind of needed to hear it sometimes. 433 00:17:30,525 --> 00:17:32,285 Right. Because that, that fucks you up. Right. 434 00:17:32,705 --> 00:17:35,605 So he taught me about how you show somebody you love them, 435 00:17:35,865 --> 00:17:37,845 but I was so starved to hear it. 436 00:17:38,185 --> 00:17:40,685 As you can tell from Lola, she too is starved for love. 437 00:17:41,505 --> 00:17:45,765 Um, I was so starved to hear it that him, the first person 438 00:17:45,985 --> 00:17:47,965 who told me consistently he loved me. 439 00:17:48,165 --> 00:17:51,165 I married him, but he never followed through on it. 440 00:17:51,825 --> 00:17:54,485 So I became very quickly. 441 00:17:54,745 --> 00:17:57,565 Uh, I don't, I want to hear it every so often. 442 00:17:57,725 --> 00:17:59,485 I, you know, it makes me feel warm, fuzzy, 443 00:17:59,585 --> 00:18:02,165 but I'd much rather you like back that shit up 444 00:18:02,795 --> 00:18:05,285 with here I see you, I acknowledge you. 445 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,365 What, what do you need help with? 446 00:18:07,715 --> 00:18:09,125 What can I do to do my part? 447 00:18:09,315 --> 00:18:10,525 Like I'm even unlearning 448 00:18:10,555 --> 00:18:12,445 that whole doing stuff around the house. 449 00:18:12,445 --> 00:18:13,805 Mm-Hmm. . That's not helping me. 450 00:18:13,805 --> 00:18:16,325 That's help, that's taking care of the house. Right. Right. 451 00:18:16,425 --> 00:18:18,805 But I'll still say that's helping me. It's not helping me. 452 00:18:18,805 --> 00:18:20,005 That's helping everybody. Mm-Hmm. . 453 00:18:20,185 --> 00:18:25,005 But when you acknowledge to yourself in some way 454 00:18:25,435 --> 00:18:27,005 that you see what I'm going through 455 00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:29,205 and then try to take the load off for me. 456 00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:31,245 Yeah. And try to do something 457 00:18:31,245 --> 00:18:32,325 that, you know, I would normally do. 458 00:18:32,325 --> 00:18:34,765 So I have one list like that to me. Yes. That's love. 459 00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,725 Like, that's, that's fucking love. Yeah. Well, I mean, 460 00:18:36,725 --> 00:18:38,725 - Even like, like last night, um, 461 00:18:38,945 --> 00:18:40,085 you know, you were out with your mom. 462 00:18:40,205 --> 00:18:42,845 I was, I was going out to the munch. Mm-Hmm. . 463 00:18:43,145 --> 00:18:47,645 And you were already gone. I was here by my lonesome Mm-Hmm. 464 00:18:47,685 --> 00:18:49,485 . And, you know, 465 00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:53,125 I made sure the fur babies were all fed and taken care of. 466 00:18:53,185 --> 00:18:56,445 And then I did the dishes, whatever dishes there were, 467 00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:59,125 I was just, I was thinking to myself, I certainly don't want 468 00:18:59,125 --> 00:19:03,365 to come home after lunch and worry about dishes 469 00:19:03,545 --> 00:19:06,005 and you're out with your mom, just, 470 00:19:06,105 --> 00:19:07,245 you know, enjoying your time. 471 00:19:07,385 --> 00:19:09,165 Why should you have to come home and do dishes? 472 00:19:09,865 --> 00:19:11,005 So I took care of all that. 473 00:19:11,365 --> 00:19:15,805 - I know. And then, because I am a stubborn bitch 474 00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:18,245 who takes service very seriously, I was like, 475 00:19:18,245 --> 00:19:19,525 but I was gonna do dishes 476 00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,085 because I'm thinking the same thing. 477 00:19:21,085 --> 00:19:22,045 I don't want you to have to come 478 00:19:22,045 --> 00:19:22,765 home to him, blah, blah, blah. 479 00:19:22,765 --> 00:19:25,925 Mm-Hmm. . So, yeah. Okay. So in reverse, okay. 480 00:19:26,435 --> 00:19:28,565 What do I think feels more loving to you? 481 00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:31,045 Cuddles on the couch, being told why you love them. 482 00:19:31,065 --> 00:19:32,725 Or having dinner made in the house clean. 483 00:19:33,525 --> 00:19:34,685 'cause your thing is touch. 484 00:19:34,995 --> 00:19:38,125 Anytime I cuddle with you, you practically melts. Yeah. 485 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:41,485 And now, and, and it's hard for me to cuddle one, 486 00:19:41,785 --> 00:19:44,565 it doesn't feel like natural to me. 487 00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,125 Like it can get, feel awkward sometimes. 488 00:19:47,265 --> 00:19:48,365 Two, I get fucking hot 489 00:19:48,385 --> 00:19:49,725 and then I'm like, oh God, don't touch me. 490 00:19:49,725 --> 00:19:50,805 I love you so much. Don't touch me. 491 00:19:51,225 --> 00:19:53,765 Um, so I do like a light version of, 492 00:19:54,755 --> 00:19:56,085 it's not cuddles, it's just touch. 493 00:19:56,085 --> 00:19:57,685 Mm-Hmm. . Like, if I'm walking past you, 494 00:19:57,835 --> 00:19:59,245 I'll like rub the top of your head. 495 00:19:59,385 --> 00:20:01,685 Yes. Or I'll stroke your cheek. Or I'll put my hand. 496 00:20:01,885 --> 00:20:03,645 'cause I know you like touch. Mm-Hmm. . 497 00:20:03,715 --> 00:20:07,205 Like, that's sort of a, we say that we love one another. 498 00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:09,565 That's not a, a difficult thing for us at all. Right. 499 00:20:09,925 --> 00:20:11,805 I kind of have learned over time 500 00:20:11,805 --> 00:20:13,285 that it's gonna be more meaningful 501 00:20:13,285 --> 00:20:14,845 to you if I make contact with you. 502 00:20:14,845 --> 00:20:16,405 Correct. Yeah. And so that's like, 503 00:20:16,405 --> 00:20:18,165 that's my silent way of like going. 504 00:20:18,165 --> 00:20:19,365 That's right. I love you. See, 505 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,385 - You're my person. 506 00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:23,045 I need, I need to find out if anybody holds a cuddle 507 00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:24,365 puddle anywhere here locally. 508 00:20:25,905 --> 00:20:28,035 - Yeah. You got, that's all you, that's so all you, 509 00:20:28,335 --> 00:20:29,515 you have a good ass time. 510 00:20:29,655 --> 00:20:31,235 See, I'd be like, why are people touching me? 511 00:20:31,275 --> 00:20:34,315 I don't know these people well enough. I'm hot, I'm sweaty. 512 00:20:35,425 --> 00:20:39,275 Something doesn't feel right. I'm itchy. I want No, nope. 513 00:20:39,335 --> 00:20:41,195 Mm mm You can cuddle me. 514 00:20:41,735 --> 00:20:45,675 Um, I am, I hug some people, like, 515 00:20:46,305 --> 00:20:48,445 like enthusiastically and others. 516 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,285 It takes me a very long time. 517 00:20:50,595 --> 00:20:51,605 Like once I'm at a level 518 00:20:51,605 --> 00:20:53,245 that I hug somebody, I fucking hug them. 519 00:20:53,505 --> 00:20:56,205 But I don't, I don't do long hugs. I had to learn. 520 00:20:56,345 --> 00:20:57,845 Now this is a little off topic, 521 00:20:57,905 --> 00:20:59,525 but it goes with my weirdness about touch. 522 00:20:59,525 --> 00:21:02,725 Mm-Hmm. . I read a thing when the kids were 523 00:21:02,725 --> 00:21:05,165 little that wasn't really about parenting. 524 00:21:05,165 --> 00:21:07,125 It, it's just about relationships with people. 525 00:21:07,545 --> 00:21:10,285 But I think they were in the aspect of parenting, they said, 526 00:21:10,285 --> 00:21:11,965 when somebody hugs you, especially a kid, 527 00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:15,885 but anybody, when somebody hugs you, they initiate it. 528 00:21:16,265 --> 00:21:19,205 Hug them until they let go and let them decide. 529 00:21:19,205 --> 00:21:20,845 Because they initiated 'cause they needed the hug. 530 00:21:20,845 --> 00:21:25,485 Or they wanted the hug. Okay. Okay. So I, that one hit me. 531 00:21:25,645 --> 00:21:28,205 I think maybe, 'cause I have to teach myself this stuff. 532 00:21:28,585 --> 00:21:31,405 And so with the kids, I started with them. 533 00:21:31,745 --> 00:21:35,045 If they were willing to come up for a hug, we just hug 534 00:21:35,045 --> 00:21:37,165 until, and I can actually tell, they'll like, 535 00:21:37,165 --> 00:21:39,445 melt into me like this, this is comforting, 536 00:21:39,445 --> 00:21:40,565 soothing, whatever, whatever. 537 00:21:40,565 --> 00:21:43,205 Mm-Hmm. . And I don't chase around for hugs 538 00:21:43,405 --> 00:21:44,845 'cause they don't necessarily want that. 539 00:21:45,225 --> 00:21:48,325 Um, and so I had done that for so many years with the kids 540 00:21:48,595 --> 00:21:50,125 that I can easily do it with you. 541 00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:53,765 But it's a, a love thing with other people 542 00:21:53,765 --> 00:21:54,885 that Yeah, I'm willing to hug. 543 00:21:55,025 --> 00:21:57,365 I'm, I'm ready to be done fairly quickly. 544 00:21:57,835 --> 00:22:00,605 Even if I'm enthusiastically hugging. I'm like, Mm-Hmm. 545 00:22:00,645 --> 00:22:02,405 . Okay. I'm, we're good. We're good. 546 00:22:02,415 --> 00:22:03,845 We're good. . Um, 547 00:22:04,705 --> 00:22:08,245 but from a, I'm, I'm initiating intimacy and love 548 00:22:08,245 --> 00:22:09,765 and I wanna know, I want the other person 549 00:22:09,765 --> 00:22:11,325 to know how loved they are. 550 00:22:11,945 --> 00:22:13,925 And they're close to me like that their family then Yeah. 551 00:22:13,925 --> 00:22:15,605 I do it that way. Okay. Okay. 552 00:22:15,605 --> 00:22:17,485 Here's our, here's our question. I kinked up. 553 00:22:17,505 --> 00:22:20,485 It was about sex, but we're gonna do it about kink. Okay. 554 00:22:20,485 --> 00:22:24,605 Right. Um, on a scale of one to 10, 555 00:22:25,305 --> 00:22:28,845 how would I rate the first time we got kinky 556 00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:32,365 and we'll say physically kinky together? 557 00:22:32,365 --> 00:22:33,245 Yeah. When we were in person, 558 00:22:33,385 --> 00:22:34,125 not what we did over the phone. 559 00:22:34,375 --> 00:22:37,485 - Right. Right. Um, , 560 00:22:39,445 --> 00:22:41,205 I would've to say probably a nine. 561 00:22:44,995 --> 00:22:47,285 - Yeah. I, I put, I mean, it's one of my favorite memories. 562 00:22:47,285 --> 00:22:49,485 So I would probably be closer to 10. Okay. 563 00:22:49,625 --> 00:22:51,645 But when I'm enthusiastic, I give everybody tens. 564 00:22:51,645 --> 00:22:53,165 I'm gold stars for everybody . Right. 565 00:22:53,165 --> 00:22:56,525 Like, I can rate a poorly written book a five 566 00:22:56,715 --> 00:22:58,605 because it moved me, made me cry. 567 00:22:58,605 --> 00:22:59,805 And I can't stop thinking about it. Yeah. 568 00:23:00,025 --> 00:23:04,565 So, um, 'cause yeah, like we had a blip. Mm-Hmm. 569 00:23:04,605 --> 00:23:06,005 where I had to safe word. Right. 570 00:23:06,005 --> 00:23:08,485 Which is why in reverse I would say you'd probably rate it 571 00:23:08,485 --> 00:23:10,645 like a seven or eight because I think it threw you off 572 00:23:10,875 --> 00:23:12,125 that I had to safe word. 573 00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:15,125 Mm-Hmm. . But you handled that so well. 574 00:23:15,195 --> 00:23:18,885 That it's not, it in the memory banks of that moment. 575 00:23:19,075 --> 00:23:21,325 It's not a negative, it's a thing that happened 576 00:23:21,585 --> 00:23:24,405 and then it got handled so well and we moved on from it. 577 00:23:24,595 --> 00:23:26,285 True. True. That I don't carry negative 578 00:23:26,765 --> 00:23:28,005 memories of that. Okay. 579 00:23:28,195 --> 00:23:29,885 - Okay. - Which is why for me, I'm like, no, no. 580 00:23:29,885 --> 00:23:31,565 That was a 10. Like I fucking greeted you 581 00:23:31,565 --> 00:23:32,645 at the door on my knees. 582 00:23:32,825 --> 00:23:36,205 You did. I did also tell a near stranger. 583 00:23:36,565 --> 00:23:37,765 'cause that's who he was at the time 584 00:23:38,225 --> 00:23:39,525 to just walk in my front door. 585 00:23:39,845 --> 00:23:42,005 I do not recommend that for anybody else, . 586 00:23:42,185 --> 00:23:43,205 But it worked out for us 587 00:23:43,355 --> 00:23:45,420 because I, that's how I wanted to greet you. 588 00:23:45,805 --> 00:23:47,365 - I know. - And then we got 589 00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:50,245 so enthusiastic you came out the gate like hitting 590 00:23:50,395 --> 00:23:52,205 - Hard stomping at the bit . Right. And 591 00:23:52,205 --> 00:23:56,245 - So then I had the safe word, which is, I mean, I can do it 592 00:23:56,245 --> 00:23:58,805 with ease now, but it's still never a comfortable feeling. 593 00:23:59,075 --> 00:24:00,165 Yeah. Because you want, you know, 594 00:24:00,165 --> 00:24:01,765 from my perspective, I wanna be able to take it. 595 00:24:01,845 --> 00:24:04,125 I want, I don't wanna stop you, you're into it. Mm-Hmm. 596 00:24:04,165 --> 00:24:05,165 . But you know, 597 00:24:05,165 --> 00:24:06,445 I've got enough experience now to know 598 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:07,565 that No, no, no. This is right. 599 00:24:08,145 --> 00:24:10,845 - And, and that was prior to us using the stoplight system. 600 00:24:10,915 --> 00:24:13,045 When I do check-ins, you know, to give you, 601 00:24:13,075 --> 00:24:14,165 give me a color. Right. 602 00:24:14,225 --> 00:24:16,405 - It was just red. I, if I needed it to stop, it was red. 603 00:24:16,425 --> 00:24:19,205 And I think by, by the time my, my brain 604 00:24:19,225 --> 00:24:20,445 and my mouth were working together, 605 00:24:20,565 --> 00:24:21,805 I was screaming Red, red, 606 00:24:21,905 --> 00:24:22,965 - Red, - , . 607 00:24:23,025 --> 00:24:25,365 And it even took you a second to hear it. Yeah. 608 00:24:25,365 --> 00:24:27,005 And to, for it to penetrate your brain. 609 00:24:27,285 --> 00:24:29,085 - and to Yeah, exactly. 610 00:24:29,645 --> 00:24:32,045 - . But yeah. So if I'm, I would say 611 00:24:32,045 --> 00:24:34,645 because of that, I would think that you would rate it lower. 612 00:24:34,745 --> 00:24:35,925 Not 'cause you didn't have a good time, but 613 00:24:35,925 --> 00:24:37,565 because I know that kind of fucks you up. 614 00:24:37,565 --> 00:24:39,925 Mm-Hmm. , when you are the, you go 615 00:24:39,925 --> 00:24:41,565 to hard or something Yeah. 616 00:24:41,565 --> 00:24:44,485 Goes wrong on your end. Like, you are so forgiving of me. 617 00:24:44,505 --> 00:24:46,165 If something goes wrong on my end 618 00:24:46,265 --> 00:24:48,045 and there's nothing that can really go wrong, 619 00:24:48,185 --> 00:24:50,725 but, you know, like if it's my muscle cramp 620 00:24:50,745 --> 00:24:52,085 or my body or whatever Mm-Hmm. 621 00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:53,085 , that might make me feel 622 00:24:53,085 --> 00:24:54,165 guilty that I had to stop. 623 00:24:54,495 --> 00:24:56,685 Which I'm way better at that too. I don't feel 624 00:24:56,685 --> 00:24:57,685 - Guilty about it. 625 00:24:57,685 --> 00:24:59,805 Well, I mean you and just the way I'm wired, 626 00:24:59,945 --> 00:25:02,645 I'd been more upset if you didn't Oh yeah, for sure. 627 00:25:02,745 --> 00:25:04,165 We had that conversation night and, 628 00:25:04,165 --> 00:25:06,765 and I found out later that you Right. Wanted to, 629 00:25:06,915 --> 00:25:09,525 - That would, I think just that moment, even though we did 630 00:25:09,545 --> 00:25:11,205 so much in that first scene Mm-Hmm. 631 00:25:11,245 --> 00:25:12,605 . Um, I think 632 00:25:12,635 --> 00:25:15,285 that would have lowered the rating of the moment for you. 633 00:25:15,515 --> 00:25:18,605 Like I, you wouldn't, it wouldn't be a good, good memory. 634 00:25:18,815 --> 00:25:21,085 Right. If you carried any amount of guilt 635 00:25:21,225 --> 00:25:24,045 or annoyance or anger. 636 00:25:24,345 --> 00:25:26,005 Mm-Hmm. or whatever, because I 637 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:27,325 didn't use my safe word. 638 00:25:27,325 --> 00:25:30,445 Yeah. Okay. Uh, , 639 00:25:30,905 --> 00:25:31,905 - Uh, oh. 640 00:25:31,905 --> 00:25:34,885 - From, what do you think that I see 641 00:25:35,585 --> 00:25:39,125 as the biggest imbalance in our relationship that could lead 642 00:25:39,125 --> 00:25:40,405 to long-term resentment? 643 00:25:41,785 --> 00:25:42,925 That's a complicated question. 644 00:25:43,185 --> 00:25:44,125 - It is. It is. 645 00:25:48,385 --> 00:25:49,325 Wow. 646 00:25:49,645 --> 00:25:50,645 - . 647 00:25:50,645 --> 00:25:51,925 I mean, I've already got an answer, so if you need a minute 648 00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:53,885 to think, that's fine. I, I 649 00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:58,565 - Would have to say probably where, where 650 00:25:59,225 --> 00:26:01,845 we run into hiccups 651 00:26:01,845 --> 00:26:05,765 and road bumps, so to speak, speed bumps, uh, 652 00:26:06,945 --> 00:26:09,085 is, is not necessarily in work, 653 00:26:10,305 --> 00:26:14,005 but in divvying up the household stuff. 654 00:26:14,005 --> 00:26:17,405 Mm-Hmm. . I, I think that's where, where that 655 00:26:18,345 --> 00:26:22,965 is that little, um, linchpin maybe, or Yeah. 656 00:26:23,105 --> 00:26:24,105 You know. 657 00:26:24,755 --> 00:26:28,565 - Yeah. I mean, if I feel like I'm, so, 658 00:26:28,925 --> 00:26:30,685 I constantly do this push pull 659 00:26:30,825 --> 00:26:32,205 of there are things I wanna do 660 00:26:32,205 --> 00:26:34,365 because it's part of who I am as a service sub. 661 00:26:34,485 --> 00:26:36,005 I want to take care of you. Mm-Hmm. 662 00:26:36,045 --> 00:26:37,405 , I want to do certain things. 663 00:26:37,485 --> 00:26:39,805 I want to know I have done them. It's also a control issue. 664 00:26:40,125 --> 00:26:42,965 , if that seems foreign to you, be lucky that 665 00:26:43,085 --> 00:26:44,245 that doesn't, that that clearly 666 00:26:44,245 --> 00:26:45,685 doesn't, isn't part of who you are. 667 00:26:46,185 --> 00:26:48,525 Um, so like, there are things I want to do 668 00:26:48,525 --> 00:26:50,725 because it'll be done the way I want it to be done. 669 00:26:51,015 --> 00:26:52,645 It'll be Right. It helps you. 670 00:26:53,355 --> 00:26:55,525 It's Mm-Hmm, it's me doing it. 671 00:26:55,525 --> 00:26:57,765 And so blah blah, like blah, all that stuff. Okay. 672 00:26:58,355 --> 00:26:59,685 However, 673 00:27:01,005 --> 00:27:05,285 - - One, there's just a lot of shit that, 674 00:27:05,355 --> 00:27:07,965 that I do by default, whether I want to or not. You do. 675 00:27:08,265 --> 00:27:10,245 - You - Do. Because I'm either the, the right one 676 00:27:10,245 --> 00:27:12,245 for the job or like the just Mm-Hmm. 677 00:27:12,285 --> 00:27:13,725 and certain things, 678 00:27:13,725 --> 00:27:15,285 like I'm the kid's biological mother. 679 00:27:15,285 --> 00:27:16,405 It is way easier for me 680 00:27:16,405 --> 00:27:18,405 to handle all doctor's appointments, all the this, all the, that. 681 00:27:18,725 --> 00:27:20,805 'cause ain't nobody gonna look cross-eyed at me. 682 00:27:20,805 --> 00:27:22,845 Like I, it's just whatever. True. 683 00:27:23,865 --> 00:27:25,925 Um, but what happens is all 684 00:27:25,925 --> 00:27:28,725 of those things build up and then Yeah. 685 00:27:28,885 --> 00:27:31,485 I get, I get a bit of like a, a martyr complex 686 00:27:31,505 --> 00:27:32,845 of I'm doing everything. 687 00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:36,325 I'm doing everything. And I'm not good at speaking up. No. 688 00:27:36,425 --> 00:27:38,445 And going, Hey, . 689 00:27:39,665 --> 00:27:41,325 But sometimes I think we've talked about this 690 00:27:41,325 --> 00:27:42,405 before in past episodes. 691 00:27:42,475 --> 00:27:45,685 What I don't always need you to do the thing. 692 00:27:46,885 --> 00:27:50,685 I need to be acknowledged. Acknowledged how much I'm doing. 693 00:27:50,795 --> 00:27:53,365 Yeah. And if I feel seen, I can, 694 00:27:53,825 --> 00:27:55,045 I'm usually okay when I need, 695 00:27:55,195 --> 00:27:57,525 I've gotten much better when I need help 696 00:27:57,535 --> 00:27:59,165 going. I, I need you to 697 00:27:59,395 --> 00:28:01,805 - Tell me with this you have, you have in, in the beginning, 698 00:28:02,025 --> 00:28:03,765 you would not ask for help. Mm-Hmm. . 699 00:28:03,825 --> 00:28:06,245 - Mm-Hmm. . - Hell would freeze over 700 00:28:06,245 --> 00:28:07,925 before you'd ask for help. Mm-Hmm. 701 00:28:07,965 --> 00:28:10,165 - . And now there's many reasons for that, 702 00:28:10,825 --> 00:28:12,205 but yeah, I've gotten better about that. 703 00:28:12,205 --> 00:28:14,205 Mm-Hmm. . Okay. 704 00:28:15,985 --> 00:28:20,005 - Hey, - This is a weird question. 705 00:28:20,005 --> 00:28:22,165 Trying to ask in reverse. 706 00:28:22,795 --> 00:28:24,045 - Okay. - Okay. 707 00:28:24,185 --> 00:28:27,325 So I've got to say, what I think you see 708 00:28:28,025 --> 00:28:30,645 is the biggest imbalance in our relationship that could lead 709 00:28:30,645 --> 00:28:31,725 to long-term resentment. 710 00:28:31,985 --> 00:28:34,045 And weirdly, and I think it's 'cause we're power exchange. 711 00:28:34,285 --> 00:28:35,485 I don't think it's imbalance 712 00:28:35,675 --> 00:28:38,605 because the, we've negotiated an imbalance. 713 00:28:38,605 --> 00:28:40,725 Mm-Hmm. , you are the decider. 714 00:28:40,825 --> 00:28:42,685 You are the one in charge. Right. 715 00:28:43,685 --> 00:28:45,445 I think the imbalance, 716 00:28:45,825 --> 00:28:47,605 and it's actually something I think we've overcome. 717 00:28:47,765 --> 00:28:50,085 I, but if we slipped back into old ways 718 00:28:50,785 --> 00:28:52,205 and old patterns of thinking, 719 00:28:52,445 --> 00:28:53,645 I think that this would happen. 720 00:28:53,665 --> 00:28:55,165 So you tell me if you think I'm wrong. 721 00:28:55,165 --> 00:28:58,845 - That Okay. - And that is parenting. 722 00:29:00,665 --> 00:29:02,765 And actually I had a little bit of, I had 723 00:29:02,765 --> 00:29:04,365 to go have some conversations with myself 724 00:29:04,525 --> 00:29:06,725 'cause I had a little bit of hurt feelings yesterday or day 725 00:29:06,725 --> 00:29:08,925 before on parenting because of that. 726 00:29:09,435 --> 00:29:14,045 Because you have your own bad tapes and stuff. 727 00:29:14,065 --> 00:29:16,045 Mm-Hmm. with previous relationships 728 00:29:16,505 --> 00:29:21,485 and the way you were treated as the stepparent 729 00:29:21,745 --> 00:29:25,845 and the way you, um, how things were handled when the kids 730 00:29:26,505 --> 00:29:28,285 did not behave or whatever. 731 00:29:29,025 --> 00:29:31,085 And so you are always primed 732 00:29:31,085 --> 00:29:33,765 and ready for that to occur again. 733 00:29:34,345 --> 00:29:38,445 And early in our living together relationship, the one 734 00:29:38,445 --> 00:29:42,605 of our biggest points of conflict was you worrying 735 00:29:42,715 --> 00:29:45,005 that I was gonna let my kids run wild. 736 00:29:45,625 --> 00:29:48,485 As if I could tolerate that shit. Like behaviorally. 737 00:29:48,555 --> 00:29:50,285 Like, just do what the fuck you want. I don't care. 738 00:29:50,415 --> 00:29:53,805 Rules don't matter. Like, And 739 00:29:53,905 --> 00:29:57,565 or that I was going to negate anything and everything. 740 00:29:57,565 --> 00:30:00,765 You said, like we struggled with disagreeing as parents, 741 00:30:01,335 --> 00:30:03,125 which were honest disagreements 742 00:30:03,125 --> 00:30:06,605 because you had the struggle of seeing it 743 00:30:06,665 --> 00:30:08,045 as an honest disagreement. 744 00:30:08,045 --> 00:30:09,805 Let's find our way to a middle 745 00:30:10,065 --> 00:30:12,245 and a ha something we could work with together. 746 00:30:12,945 --> 00:30:14,445 You were constantly struggling with, oh, 747 00:30:14,485 --> 00:30:16,365 I recognize this from 20 years ago 748 00:30:16,425 --> 00:30:18,565 and when that happened, this is how I was treated. 749 00:30:18,985 --> 00:30:23,005 And so , I feel like if anything's gonna feel like an 750 00:30:23,005 --> 00:30:25,405 imbalance, it's gonna be a conflict in parenting 751 00:30:25,995 --> 00:30:27,805 that if we don't navigate correctly, 752 00:30:27,825 --> 00:30:29,605 you're gonna feel resentment over. 753 00:30:29,605 --> 00:30:34,525 Mm-Hmm. . Now , Knowing that 754 00:30:35,085 --> 00:30:37,685 I try to walk a, a very fine line. 755 00:30:37,785 --> 00:30:40,725 Mm-Hmm. with making sure my kids' needs are 756 00:30:40,725 --> 00:30:42,005 met and that I feel like they're being, 757 00:30:42,205 --> 00:30:43,205 'cause I'm the default parent. 758 00:30:43,235 --> 00:30:44,805 This is like the one area of our life. 759 00:30:44,805 --> 00:30:47,085 There's no power exchange. Right. We are equals. 760 00:30:47,085 --> 00:30:50,005 And to a certain extent, I actually lead that. Right? 761 00:30:50,565 --> 00:30:51,965 'cause if you're gonna go to all the doctor's appointments, 762 00:30:51,965 --> 00:30:53,445 all the kids things, you're gonna do the school thing, 763 00:30:53,445 --> 00:30:55,165 you're gonna like, you just know more. 764 00:30:55,425 --> 00:30:57,405 And so Mm-Hmm. , you gotta be the leader in 765 00:30:57,405 --> 00:30:59,125 that and go, okay, here's how this is working. 766 00:30:59,825 --> 00:31:03,245 But you, you struggle against that 'cause of bad tapes and 767 00:31:03,245 --> 00:31:05,005 because you don't like feeling outta control, 768 00:31:05,505 --> 00:31:07,925 you really don't like feeling outta control. , 769 00:31:08,445 --> 00:31:09,645 - I don't know where you get that from. 770 00:31:09,905 --> 00:31:11,285 - Oh my god. Where 771 00:31:11,285 --> 00:31:12,285 - You get that. 772 00:31:12,285 --> 00:31:13,645 So there are times I give in and, 773 00:31:13,865 --> 00:31:17,165 and go, is this thing that he feels really 774 00:31:18,675 --> 00:31:20,565 serious about and strongly about? 775 00:31:21,385 --> 00:31:23,485 Is it going against my ethos as a parent? 776 00:31:24,065 --> 00:31:28,165 Do I feel like this is wrong for the kids? No. Do I like it? 777 00:31:28,345 --> 00:31:30,765 No. 'cause I like to be in charge two of this. 778 00:31:31,345 --> 00:31:34,525 Um, I have control issues on my phone, , 779 00:31:34,525 --> 00:31:36,085 but sometimes I just let you have the win 780 00:31:36,235 --> 00:31:38,845 because it's it for the greater good. 781 00:31:39,605 --> 00:31:41,645 'cause if, if I'm constantly going, I disagree with you, 782 00:31:41,685 --> 00:31:42,845 I disagree with you, I disagree with you. 783 00:31:43,075 --> 00:31:44,165 Well, one, you don't feel like you have 784 00:31:44,165 --> 00:31:45,205 any agency as a parent. 785 00:31:45,305 --> 00:31:48,645 And you do. I mean, yeah, I'm default on a lot of things. 786 00:31:48,705 --> 00:31:52,445 But you raise these kids too. You have expectations. 787 00:31:52,445 --> 00:31:54,485 They have to, you know, you gotta work with that too. 788 00:31:55,105 --> 00:31:57,965 Um, but yeah, that's, I feel like 789 00:31:57,965 --> 00:32:01,805 that's the thing I'm constantly like trying to balance so 790 00:32:01,805 --> 00:32:04,165 that you don't feel an imbalance. 791 00:32:04,265 --> 00:32:08,815 So it doesn't lead to resentment. Mm-Hmm. . 792 00:32:08,875 --> 00:32:12,935 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Gee. 793 00:32:13,375 --> 00:32:16,815 Shocking that I knew that . Okay. 794 00:32:18,165 --> 00:32:21,055 What I'm gonna use grammatically incorrect. 795 00:32:21,255 --> 00:32:22,695 'cause the correct grammar feels weird. 796 00:32:22,725 --> 00:32:23,895 What is one short term 797 00:32:24,395 --> 00:32:28,695 and what is what long-term goal that I am striving for? 798 00:32:32,335 --> 00:32:37,255 - Hmm. - I, I think, 799 00:32:38,275 --> 00:32:41,725 um, to a, 800 00:32:41,965 --> 00:32:44,365 a good extent. 801 00:32:45,965 --> 00:32:50,765 I think we are both on the same page 802 00:32:50,765 --> 00:32:53,085 with this, with the answer I'm about to give you. Yes. I 803 00:32:53,085 --> 00:32:54,965 - Would say our, our short and long-term goals are 804 00:32:54,965 --> 00:32:56,365 very, very much in line. 805 00:32:56,595 --> 00:33:00,845 - Okay. So, um, short term, 806 00:33:02,285 --> 00:33:05,645 I, I think it would be making 807 00:33:06,595 --> 00:33:11,485 what we do between loving BDSM, between the kry, 808 00:33:11,485 --> 00:33:13,085 between, you know, all the other little things. 809 00:33:13,085 --> 00:33:14,685 We, our, every hustle 810 00:33:14,705 --> 00:33:17,525 - We have , - We we dabble our fingers in to, 811 00:33:17,625 --> 00:33:19,845 to making those more viable. 812 00:33:20,345 --> 00:33:24,965 Mm-Hmm. . Um, the long term of that would be 813 00:33:25,505 --> 00:33:30,085 to become more financially stable and, 814 00:33:30,225 --> 00:33:32,045 and reduce our debt. Who, 815 00:33:32,145 --> 00:33:33,145 - Or just that debt. 816 00:33:33,145 --> 00:33:35,645 Yeah. Yeah. I don't ever think about that too hard. 817 00:33:35,805 --> 00:33:37,245 'cause then I would never sleep again. I know. 818 00:33:37,245 --> 00:33:40,325 - Yeah. Yeah. But I, I, I think that's something that I, 819 00:33:41,005 --> 00:33:43,565 I could almost confidently say we share. 820 00:33:43,785 --> 00:33:46,525 - Yes. I think like short term, the 821 00:33:46,665 --> 00:33:48,125 how is slightly different 822 00:33:48,125 --> 00:33:49,085 because we have different 823 00:33:49,285 --> 00:33:50,125 interests and we're working on different things. 824 00:33:50,125 --> 00:33:53,445 Like you're focused on the kry, which of course I am. 825 00:33:53,465 --> 00:33:55,005 But you're thinking of your vanilla shop. 826 00:33:55,005 --> 00:33:57,285 And I'm over here going, I'm focused on loving BDSM 827 00:33:57,345 --> 00:33:58,405 and the Ry Oh. 828 00:33:58,405 --> 00:34:00,205 And all these other things. 'cause of course I am Mm-Hmm. 829 00:34:00,245 --> 00:34:02,445 . Um, and then, yeah, I would agree. 830 00:34:02,525 --> 00:34:04,325 I, our short-term and long-term goals are 831 00:34:04,605 --> 00:34:05,925 absolutely one and the same. 832 00:34:06,025 --> 00:34:07,925 We are in sync with that. Yeah. 833 00:34:08,065 --> 00:34:09,205 The, how we're trying to get there, 834 00:34:09,225 --> 00:34:11,045 the little things we're working on the details part 835 00:34:11,415 --> 00:34:12,845 might, there's the variation. 836 00:34:12,845 --> 00:34:13,925 Mm-Hmm. . But not by much 837 00:34:13,925 --> 00:34:15,645 because we're still Right. 838 00:34:15,705 --> 00:34:17,245 We walk in the same fucking path together. 839 00:34:17,245 --> 00:34:19,325 - Either way. Pretty much. Yes. Okay. Yep. 840 00:34:20,065 --> 00:34:22,565 - Here's a, this is an easy one for you, I think. 841 00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:23,805 And I think it's gonna be a hard 842 00:34:23,805 --> 00:34:24,845 one for me. 'cause it's a loaded 843 00:34:25,085 --> 00:34:25,605 - Question. Okay. 844 00:34:26,215 --> 00:34:29,285 - Which family member am I feeling most 845 00:34:29,355 --> 00:34:31,365 connected to right now? You 846 00:34:31,505 --> 00:34:32,505 - Mm-Hmm. 847 00:34:32,505 --> 00:34:32,505 . 848 00:34:38,605 --> 00:34:42,285 I would have to say right now at this, at, at this point. 849 00:34:42,385 --> 00:34:44,365 Mm-Hmm. would be the youngest. 850 00:34:45,595 --> 00:34:47,605 - Yeah. . I wondered if I, 851 00:34:47,725 --> 00:34:49,565 I thought you would say my mom 'cause she's visiting 852 00:34:49,665 --> 00:34:51,525 and you might be completely wrong, but I was, 853 00:34:52,195 --> 00:34:54,045 - That was the first thought that came to my mind because 854 00:34:54,045 --> 00:34:55,045 - It's the most obvious. 855 00:34:55,045 --> 00:34:57,205 - It, it's, it's, it's very obvious, you know? Mm-Hmm. 856 00:34:57,245 --> 00:34:58,645 that you two, um, 857 00:35:00,505 --> 00:35:03,205 you know, well deserved. 858 00:35:03,205 --> 00:35:05,805 You're spending a lot of time together right now. Yeah. We 859 00:35:05,805 --> 00:35:06,805 - See each other a couple times a year at this 860 00:35:06,965 --> 00:35:07,965 - Point. 861 00:35:07,965 --> 00:35:09,685 Right. So, yeah. Um, so yeah. 862 00:35:09,685 --> 00:35:11,605 That, that did kind of pop into my mind. 863 00:35:11,745 --> 00:35:16,385 But, um, you know, no, there, there have been a lot 864 00:35:16,385 --> 00:35:19,545 of things, a lot of changes, you know, going on. 865 00:35:19,545 --> 00:35:21,305 Mm-Hmm. And he's going through it for sure with the younger, 866 00:35:21,565 --> 00:35:22,945 and, and he's, he's going through it 867 00:35:22,945 --> 00:35:25,625 and he's, you know, trying to to mi 868 00:35:25,625 --> 00:35:27,185 through it and, and you're there. 869 00:35:28,725 --> 00:35:30,385 You know, I mean, we both are, 870 00:35:30,445 --> 00:35:34,585 but you are taking the forefront on, on being there for him, 871 00:35:34,585 --> 00:35:36,345 which you should Mm-Hmm. 872 00:35:36,425 --> 00:35:39,525 , you know, so that has, uh, yeah, definitely. 873 00:35:40,275 --> 00:35:43,005 - Yeah. - I'm been a, a connection that you've, 874 00:35:43,005 --> 00:35:45,245 - Uh, I think I'm in tune with him in a way 875 00:35:45,555 --> 00:35:47,925 that I've always been kind of in tune with him. 876 00:35:48,285 --> 00:35:50,325 I mean, there was the benefit 877 00:35:50,505 --> 00:35:52,725 or just the, I guess that's the right word. 878 00:35:53,145 --> 00:35:55,325 You know, I stayed at home with him. 879 00:35:55,565 --> 00:35:57,005 I mean, other than his like preschool 880 00:35:57,005 --> 00:35:58,925 and then going to school from the time he was like three 881 00:35:58,925 --> 00:36:00,725 and a half, almost four mm-Hmm. 882 00:36:00,765 --> 00:36:02,885 three and a half till, you know, 883 00:36:03,365 --> 00:36:04,645 'cause I, his formative, 884 00:36:04,645 --> 00:36:06,725 the most formative memories are of me working from home. 885 00:36:06,785 --> 00:36:08,085 And so I was with him a lot 886 00:36:08,185 --> 00:36:09,925 before he went to school all day long. 887 00:36:10,305 --> 00:36:13,925 So I've been very attuned to him. Mm-Hmm. . 888 00:36:14,195 --> 00:36:17,445 - Yeah. - Um, from that, you know, even younger than that. 889 00:36:17,505 --> 00:36:19,685 But definitely when I had more time to actually focus 890 00:36:19,685 --> 00:36:21,285 and be around and like witness stuff. 891 00:36:21,745 --> 00:36:24,165 Um, but now that these past few years 892 00:36:24,455 --> 00:36:28,845 where he's just had a lot of physical stuff going on 893 00:36:28,845 --> 00:36:30,605 that we're still figured out and the mental stuff. 894 00:36:30,605 --> 00:36:31,725 Mm-Hmm. and the diagnoses and 895 00:36:31,725 --> 00:36:32,805 the, like, all of that. 896 00:36:32,835 --> 00:36:33,965 Yeah. Like I'm, 897 00:36:34,345 --> 00:36:36,445 and sometimes I feel like I have to 898 00:36:38,505 --> 00:36:40,845 not justify the connection 'cause you would never Mm-Hmm. 899 00:36:40,845 --> 00:36:43,045 Like of course the connection you'd like, of course. 900 00:36:43,825 --> 00:36:46,645 But I, I know things about him 901 00:36:47,835 --> 00:36:49,245 that I only know 902 00:36:49,245 --> 00:36:52,685 because I am so deeply entrenched in all the things 903 00:36:52,685 --> 00:36:54,605 that he needs and the things we navigate together 904 00:36:55,145 --> 00:36:56,965 and my own research and blah, blah, blah. 905 00:36:57,635 --> 00:37:02,205 That sometimes I feel like 906 00:37:04,315 --> 00:37:07,965 it's not negated, but sort of like, are you sure about that? 907 00:37:08,585 --> 00:37:10,565 You know, are, aren't you just spoiling your baby? 908 00:37:10,765 --> 00:37:11,925 'cause he is the baby, right? Mm-Hmm. . 909 00:37:11,925 --> 00:37:13,885 Aren't you just spoiling her? Are you enabling her? 910 00:37:13,905 --> 00:37:15,005 Are you being soft on him? 911 00:37:15,005 --> 00:37:19,885 And it's like, somehow my brain is sectioned off 912 00:37:20,065 --> 00:37:23,405 in such a way that 24 7, I'm thinking about the youngest 913 00:37:23,665 --> 00:37:25,085 and his needs and his struggles. 914 00:37:25,505 --> 00:37:27,965 And I'm thinking about our business and growing it. 915 00:37:28,065 --> 00:37:29,805 And I'm thinking about our power exchange 916 00:37:29,805 --> 00:37:32,645 and how our relationship can like, continue on 917 00:37:32,645 --> 00:37:33,765 and flourish and not get stale. 918 00:37:33,765 --> 00:37:35,245 And, uh, oh, we're feeling disconnected. 919 00:37:35,265 --> 00:37:36,405 How do we get back to that? Blah, blah, blah. 920 00:37:36,505 --> 00:37:38,005 And also then there's this little part of my brain 921 00:37:38,005 --> 00:37:39,405 that is constantly worried about the kid 922 00:37:39,405 --> 00:37:40,565 that doesn't live here anymore 923 00:37:40,755 --> 00:37:43,125 with his damn motorcycle and being in another city. 924 00:37:43,125 --> 00:37:45,885 And like, so it's like when there's a 925 00:37:46,265 --> 00:37:48,485 - Wow . Yeah. 926 00:37:48,835 --> 00:37:51,045 - Yeah. So maybe I roll my eyes than I 927 00:37:51,195 --> 00:37:52,325 sigh when I'm annoyed. 928 00:37:52,595 --> 00:37:55,965 Okay. . You know, it could be much worse. . 929 00:37:57,385 --> 00:37:58,645 So when, you know, it's weird 930 00:37:58,645 --> 00:38:00,445 because there's a part of me that control part of me 931 00:38:00,445 --> 00:38:03,765 that if there's a question about something, which I try 932 00:38:03,765 --> 00:38:06,445 to be better about, just going, people can ask questions. 933 00:38:06,445 --> 00:38:08,085 It's how they learn. It's how they understand. Yeah. 934 00:38:08,425 --> 00:38:09,885 And especially when it comes from you. 935 00:38:09,885 --> 00:38:11,725 Because if I, you, you're seeing something 936 00:38:11,725 --> 00:38:12,965 and you're gonna have a different perspective. 937 00:38:13,025 --> 00:38:14,925 And I, I struggle with being open 938 00:38:14,945 --> 00:38:17,285 to those questions 'cause I am. 939 00:38:17,305 --> 00:38:19,085 So I feel like I'm so connected. Mm-Hmm. . 940 00:38:19,985 --> 00:38:24,765 But also I get very much up in arms about 941 00:38:25,275 --> 00:38:28,525 when I, not when I feel like there's like a good faith, Hey, 942 00:38:28,565 --> 00:38:30,245 I have a perspective or I'm trying to understand, 943 00:38:30,425 --> 00:38:32,765 but sort of a Mm, I don't, I think you could do that better. 944 00:38:33,435 --> 00:38:35,885 Like that connection because of the, the req the 945 00:38:36,835 --> 00:38:37,925 need for that connection. 946 00:38:37,985 --> 00:38:38,925 Mm-Hmm. is so 947 00:38:38,925 --> 00:38:40,445 fucking personal and so important. 948 00:38:40,905 --> 00:38:44,005 The health and wellbeing of a child. I get . 949 00:38:44,625 --> 00:38:47,765 I'm like, are you really fucking questioning me right now? 950 00:38:48,235 --> 00:38:49,885 Like what? Yeah. 951 00:38:50,185 --> 00:38:51,685 And to go back to a previous question, 952 00:38:51,685 --> 00:38:55,885 because early days of us living together, our arguments 953 00:38:55,885 --> 00:39:00,045 and our strife and our tension, were all parent related. 954 00:39:00,145 --> 00:39:04,685 Mm-Hmm. . I'm extra sensitive when I feel like, 955 00:39:05,405 --> 00:39:06,365 'cause here's the thing, and here's the 956 00:39:06,365 --> 00:39:07,525 thing I'll, I'll explain. 957 00:39:08,305 --> 00:39:12,205 Before the youngest was diagnosed with a DHD 958 00:39:12,205 --> 00:39:15,005 and autism from everybody in my life. 959 00:39:15,005 --> 00:39:17,165 Like, this is not a dig at jb Mm-Hmm. . 960 00:39:17,165 --> 00:39:19,165 He was just trying to help. 961 00:39:19,265 --> 00:39:20,325 And, and, and, 962 00:39:20,425 --> 00:39:21,565 but a lot of people were like, 963 00:39:21,745 --> 00:39:23,685 are you sure you're not enabling the youngest? 964 00:39:24,315 --> 00:39:26,365 Like, yeah, he's anxious, but people have to get over that. 965 00:39:26,365 --> 00:39:27,805 People have to get over that. And I always kept going, 966 00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:29,445 I'm just working with the kid in front of me 967 00:39:30,025 --> 00:39:32,045 and I'm watching this child's face 968 00:39:32,465 --> 00:39:34,285 and I'm listening to his words 969 00:39:34,385 --> 00:39:35,965 and I'm watching his body language 970 00:39:35,985 --> 00:39:38,605 and I just don't feel right this, that or the other. 971 00:39:38,985 --> 00:39:41,605 The moment there were diagnoses, everybody got on board. 972 00:39:41,605 --> 00:39:42,645 Everybody Mm-Hmm. . 973 00:39:42,645 --> 00:39:44,645 And you never questioned me in a way that made me go, 974 00:39:45,185 --> 00:39:46,325 uh, oh, can we parent together? 975 00:39:46,425 --> 00:39:48,605 But there were times that if there was tension Mm-Hmm. 976 00:39:48,645 --> 00:39:52,085 that was part of it. But everybody in my life, 977 00:39:52,225 --> 00:39:55,405 family too, like extended family that had thoughts 978 00:39:55,405 --> 00:39:56,725 and opinions on the 14-year-old 979 00:39:56,725 --> 00:39:58,485 and what, what I should be doing as a mother. 980 00:39:58,515 --> 00:40:00,405 Yeah. The moment they were diagnoses 981 00:40:00,875 --> 00:40:02,165 everybody shut the fuck up. 982 00:40:02,235 --> 00:40:06,845 They went. Oh, okay. And I'm like, . 983 00:40:07,265 --> 00:40:10,165 My whole thing had been whether he gets a diagnosis 984 00:40:10,165 --> 00:40:12,205 or not, you parent the kid in front of you. 985 00:40:12,665 --> 00:40:14,365 And I'm just trying, I'm not perfect. 986 00:40:14,855 --> 00:40:16,885 There are things I could have done differently I'm sure, 987 00:40:16,985 --> 00:40:18,805 but I'm doing the best I can with what I got. 988 00:40:19,115 --> 00:40:22,045 Well now we're dealing with physical stuff that maybe 989 00:40:22,675 --> 00:40:23,925 connected to mental stuff. 990 00:40:23,925 --> 00:40:26,845 Right. But we don't know. We've got appointments 991 00:40:26,985 --> 00:40:28,885 for specialists and just stuff. 992 00:40:29,785 --> 00:40:33,045 And those conversations come up again in different ways of, 993 00:40:33,195 --> 00:40:34,485 well are you sure it's this? 994 00:40:35,035 --> 00:40:37,245 Well, I don't know shit. I'm not sure of nothing. 995 00:40:37,945 --> 00:40:39,445 But I'm dealing with the kid in front of me 996 00:40:39,445 --> 00:40:40,565 and what the kid in front of me is going through 997 00:40:40,745 --> 00:40:44,605 and that connection, you know, I worry, I worry 998 00:40:44,605 --> 00:40:47,285 that I spoil him and I I baby him 'cause he is the baby. 999 00:40:47,485 --> 00:40:49,325 I know that. I know that tendency. 1000 00:40:49,585 --> 00:40:51,605 You know, I also feel bad 1001 00:40:51,605 --> 00:40:53,565 because as connected as I am to the oldest, 1002 00:40:54,535 --> 00:40:55,925 which the answer in reverse, 1003 00:40:56,005 --> 00:40:57,485 I would say the family member you're most connected 1004 00:40:57,485 --> 00:40:58,965 to right now is the oldest. 1005 00:40:59,805 --> 00:41:01,645 'cause y'all have bonded over the motorcycle. True. 1006 00:41:01,865 --> 00:41:04,365 And y'all talk more now than y'all ever did 1007 00:41:04,365 --> 00:41:05,405 when the child lived here. 1008 00:41:05,965 --> 00:41:08,765 - . Yeah. - That child had to move out, 1009 00:41:09,735 --> 00:41:11,845 start adulting and then go, oh, maybe Mr. 1010 00:41:11,845 --> 00:41:12,845 John knew some shit 1011 00:41:13,165 --> 00:41:14,165 - . 1012 00:41:14,165 --> 00:41:16,165 - And then be like, Mr. John, will you tell me some shit? 1013 00:41:16,245 --> 00:41:17,245 I have questions. 1014 00:41:17,825 --> 00:41:20,045 - So - That would be my, my thing is I think you're 1015 00:41:20,045 --> 00:41:21,165 most connected to that kid. 1016 00:41:22,035 --> 00:41:23,485 - Yeah. And that, and that's true. 1017 00:41:23,625 --> 00:41:26,245 And I, I'm, I'm happy to see that I am too. 1018 00:41:26,665 --> 00:41:31,605 Um, you know, happening that way. Um, you know. Yeah. 1019 00:41:31,605 --> 00:41:35,485 There, you know, you go back, uh, a year ago he'd be like, 1020 00:41:35,555 --> 00:41:38,805 what do you know old man , you know? 1021 00:41:38,895 --> 00:41:39,895 Right. 1022 00:41:40,475 --> 00:41:42,725 - Y'all's, all three of y'all, the two kids. 1023 00:41:42,785 --> 00:41:45,165 And you, the relationship is about roasting one another, 1024 00:41:45,175 --> 00:41:46,485 which just stresses me out. 1025 00:41:46,685 --> 00:41:48,245 . I'm like, no, we should be talking, speaking nicely 1026 00:41:48,345 --> 00:41:49,765 to one another when we're mean to one another. 1027 00:41:49,765 --> 00:41:51,445 There's that mean we hate one another. 1028 00:41:51,465 --> 00:41:54,325 It does not, they're roasting one another with love. Right. 1029 00:41:54,585 --> 00:41:56,765 But that's the thing. You're developing connection. 1030 00:41:57,665 --> 00:41:58,565 We used to struggle in 1031 00:41:58,565 --> 00:41:59,725 where you wouldn't have a connection with the oldest. 1032 00:41:59,825 --> 00:42:01,725 And I had a strong connection with the oldest Mm-Hmm. 1033 00:42:01,765 --> 00:42:03,165 . 'cause that child does not know 1034 00:42:03,165 --> 00:42:04,245 how to have an inside thought. 1035 00:42:04,305 --> 00:42:06,645 If he thinks it and he trusts you, he comes, 1036 00:42:06,715 --> 00:42:08,045 he's he's telling it to you. 1037 00:42:08,305 --> 00:42:10,365 And I love that. I'm not gonna stop that, 1038 00:42:11,905 --> 00:42:13,885 but that we had those struggles too. 1039 00:42:14,075 --> 00:42:17,565 Yeah. With, you know, am I being overindulgent? 1040 00:42:17,785 --> 00:42:19,525 But no, I lost my train of thought. 1041 00:42:19,625 --> 00:42:22,525 So I'm so connected to the youngest 'cause all the issues. 1042 00:42:22,625 --> 00:42:23,725 And I've been there in ways. 1043 00:42:23,805 --> 00:42:26,005 I couldn't be there for the oldest that I often feel guilty 1044 00:42:26,005 --> 00:42:28,525 because I think the youngest is getting the best version 1045 00:42:28,665 --> 00:42:30,925 of me as a parent because I didn't know 1046 00:42:30,925 --> 00:42:32,045 to do those things with the oldest. 1047 00:42:32,145 --> 00:42:34,525 Mm. Also his personality being what they are. 1048 00:42:34,745 --> 00:42:38,045 He, the joke is the oldest is a me do it mommy kid. 1049 00:42:38,045 --> 00:42:40,645 Like from the time he could say those words, 1050 00:42:41,225 --> 00:42:42,445 he was pushing away and trying 1051 00:42:42,445 --> 00:42:44,085 to be independent. The youngest is 1052 00:42:44,505 --> 00:42:45,685 - Not like that at all. No, 1053 00:42:45,865 --> 00:42:46,865 - Not like that at all. 1054 00:42:46,945 --> 00:42:50,685 Um, so yeah, like I, so then we get back to 1055 00:42:50,685 --> 00:42:51,885 what makes me stressed and annoyed. 1056 00:42:52,075 --> 00:42:54,125 It's mom guilt of, am I doing it right? 1057 00:42:54,905 --> 00:42:59,365 Am I enabling, am I spoiling? Am I not seeing something? 1058 00:42:59,505 --> 00:43:01,405 Am I being too hard? Am I being too soft? 1059 00:43:02,145 --> 00:43:04,245 So then when there's a question about, 1060 00:43:04,785 --> 00:43:06,165 are you sure you're doing this right? 1061 00:43:06,265 --> 00:43:09,045 I'm, you've just hit every sensitive spot I've got 1062 00:43:10,105 --> 00:43:12,885 - As a parent just, just tapped every nerve. Yeah. Yep. 1063 00:43:12,885 --> 00:43:14,725 - Yep, yep, yep. And so then, you know, I'm 1064 00:43:15,235 --> 00:43:16,925 rolling my eyes and sighing again. 1065 00:43:17,565 --> 00:43:20,485 . Okay. 1066 00:43:21,335 --> 00:43:24,965 Those were like crazy tangents. I don't apologize. 1067 00:43:25,115 --> 00:43:28,325 It's what y'all signed up for. Okay. This is weird. 1068 00:43:28,565 --> 00:43:31,405 'cause I don't, we don't, I'm such an unsentimental person. 1069 00:43:31,405 --> 00:43:32,845 Mm-Hmm. . We don't talk about memories. 1070 00:43:32,945 --> 00:43:36,325 So it's okay if you're like, fuck, I don't know what's one 1071 00:43:36,325 --> 00:43:39,925 of my most cherished memories from our relationship? Ooh. 1072 00:43:40,505 --> 00:43:45,325 - Um, wow. 1073 00:43:45,595 --> 00:43:46,595 What would that be? 1074 00:43:47,685 --> 00:43:49,245 - I can think of a couple if you're like, 1075 00:43:50,885 --> 00:43:52,165 I think here's what I would tell you. 1076 00:43:52,365 --> 00:43:53,885 'cause when I, for me in memories, you know how I am. 1077 00:43:53,885 --> 00:43:57,205 Mm-Hmm. , what were things that we did together 1078 00:43:57,265 --> 00:43:59,525 or experienced together where I was my 1079 00:44:00,875 --> 00:44:02,885 most ridiculously happy self? 1080 00:44:03,525 --> 00:44:06,525 - I, I would have, I I, this is gonna sound weird, 1081 00:44:06,665 --> 00:44:08,085 but this is what comes to mind. 1082 00:44:09,345 --> 00:44:13,285 Um, maybe it's not the most cherished memory, 1083 00:44:13,385 --> 00:44:17,485 but I think it's one of the most, um, prevalent. 1084 00:44:17,515 --> 00:44:21,965 Okay. Maybe, um, um, the night of our wedding, 1085 00:44:22,265 --> 00:44:24,205 how we ended up at Waffle House, , 1086 00:44:25,625 --> 00:44:26,685 - If you had said anything 1087 00:44:26,685 --> 00:44:28,445 with our wedding, I would've gone. 1088 00:44:28,445 --> 00:44:29,445 Yeah, you're right. Okay. 1089 00:44:29,605 --> 00:44:32,125 , I was my cheesiest goofball of self. 1090 00:44:32,315 --> 00:44:35,525 Nothing could go wrong. Look, did everybody arrive? 1091 00:44:35,665 --> 00:44:37,485 Was there somebody to officiate the ceremony? 1092 00:44:37,545 --> 00:44:39,885 Did we get fucking married? Mm-Hmm. Then it went perfectly. 1093 00:44:39,965 --> 00:44:41,885 I don't care what else happened. So yeah. 1094 00:44:41,895 --> 00:44:44,965 Everything good associated with that day was Yeah. 1095 00:44:45,065 --> 00:44:47,685 You could pick any memory from the, the wedding. Okay. Yeah. 1096 00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:49,405 You'd be right. You'd be right. Okay. 1097 00:44:49,405 --> 00:44:52,845 Because I don't, I don't grin like a cheese ball often. 1098 00:44:53,105 --> 00:44:54,485 - No, you don't. - I really don't. 1099 00:44:54,515 --> 00:44:56,365 Like, I, it's not like I'm reserved. Y'all hear me? 1100 00:44:56,505 --> 00:44:57,565 I'm wild and out there, 1101 00:44:57,585 --> 00:45:00,525 but it's like a sharp kind of stark sometimes. 1102 00:45:00,525 --> 00:45:02,525 Mm-Hmm. until I get su super silly and goofy. 1103 00:45:02,665 --> 00:45:04,885 But even then, like there's a, there's a reserve somewhere. 1104 00:45:05,195 --> 00:45:09,205 Yeah. Y'all, from the moment I got to the hair 1105 00:45:09,205 --> 00:45:11,685 and makeup place, to the moment we got to the boat, 1106 00:45:11,785 --> 00:45:14,205 to the moment I dragged my children down the aisle, 1107 00:45:14,205 --> 00:45:15,725 they were supposed to be walking me down it 1108 00:45:16,385 --> 00:45:18,965 to the moment I'm like three sheets 1109 00:45:18,985 --> 00:45:20,325 to the wind and I'm dancing. 1110 00:45:20,475 --> 00:45:22,685 Like, I could not stop smiling. 1111 00:45:23,185 --> 00:45:25,165 And when I smile, my eyes disappear 1112 00:45:25,165 --> 00:45:27,805 and all my teeth come out and I just . 1113 00:45:28,725 --> 00:45:30,165 I could not, I could not stop. 1114 00:45:31,865 --> 00:45:36,765 So this is a hard one. Yeah. 1115 00:45:36,765 --> 00:45:37,885 Because now my job is to go 1116 00:45:37,885 --> 00:45:39,045 what's his most cherished memory. 1117 00:45:39,045 --> 00:45:41,165 Right. Okay. 1118 00:45:43,125 --> 00:45:44,805 I don't think, and I'm going back to this 1119 00:45:45,225 --> 00:45:47,845 and here's why I'll justify this memory. 1120 00:45:48,235 --> 00:45:50,685 - Okay. - It was the first visit 1121 00:45:51,315 --> 00:45:52,685 when you walked in the door. 1122 00:45:52,985 --> 00:45:56,045 Now after that, maybe not. And here's why I say that. 1123 00:45:56,825 --> 00:46:00,285 You and I've learned this now over 10 years, when something 1124 00:46:01,275 --> 00:46:03,445 genuinely shocks you in a pleasant way. 1125 00:46:03,785 --> 00:46:07,245 Mm-Hmm. . You have this little gasp that man, 1126 00:46:07,365 --> 00:46:10,245 I live to create that gasp from you . 1127 00:46:10,245 --> 00:46:12,645 Okay. 'cause it's a blist out. 1128 00:46:12,645 --> 00:46:15,925 Like I'm surprised, but also hot fucking damn. 1129 00:46:16,585 --> 00:46:20,405 And the way he got to see me for the first time, physically, 1130 00:46:20,525 --> 00:46:24,085 I was wearing a button-down purple shirt and nothing else. 1131 00:46:24,785 --> 00:46:26,085 And I was on my knees. Yeah. 1132 00:46:26,085 --> 00:46:27,965 And I can't remember what that position is that I was in, 1133 00:46:27,965 --> 00:46:29,765 but it's the one where knees are spread, 1134 00:46:30,015 --> 00:46:31,165 palms are open, palms are up. 1135 00:46:31,435 --> 00:46:34,525 Head down, eyes down, no, head up, eyes down. Mm-Hmm. 1136 00:46:34,565 --> 00:46:35,765 . Which was so fucking hard 1137 00:46:35,765 --> 00:46:37,645 because I can like hear him pulling up in the bike. 1138 00:46:37,765 --> 00:46:39,645 I could hear him like getting ready. Mm-Hmm. . 1139 00:46:39,645 --> 00:46:42,525 I could hear the, and he's, we had texted and talked 1140 00:46:42,525 --> 00:46:44,485 and he was like, are you sure I could just walk up? 1141 00:46:44,505 --> 00:46:46,485 I'm like, I'm telling you, you need to walk up. 1142 00:46:46,485 --> 00:46:48,165 Fucking in here . 1143 00:46:48,725 --> 00:46:51,205 - 'cause I was even like, how, you know, you, you were, 1144 00:46:51,245 --> 00:46:53,245 I was the safe you were, you were insistent 1145 00:46:53,275 --> 00:46:54,485 that I stayed at your house. 1146 00:46:54,485 --> 00:46:57,205 And like, no, you need to find me a hotel. Find me a hotel. 1147 00:46:57,205 --> 00:46:58,325 - I was like, no, you're staying at my house. 1148 00:46:58,545 --> 00:47:02,325 Um, and now that is not a good, safe way to be. No. 1149 00:47:02,725 --> 00:47:04,525 I also tr trust my gut. 1150 00:47:04,555 --> 00:47:08,085 Like, I'm so nervous with people that if that's 1151 00:47:08,085 --> 00:47:09,685 what my gut's telling me, I'm, you know. 1152 00:47:09,685 --> 00:47:11,245 Mm-Hmm. thankfully have been Correct. 1153 00:47:11,625 --> 00:47:14,085 Um, so you had that little gas. 1154 00:47:14,185 --> 00:47:16,285 So I, I know there have been a couple other times 1155 00:47:16,595 --> 00:47:19,005 through our relationship where I've done something 1156 00:47:19,865 --> 00:47:21,805 and you've had that little gasp, 1157 00:47:22,425 --> 00:47:24,445 but that's the one that I remember most clearly. 1158 00:47:24,715 --> 00:47:26,765 Okay. Alright. So that would be what I would say. 1159 00:47:26,825 --> 00:47:27,845 Now the question is, 1160 00:47:28,145 --> 00:47:30,165 is there one I you were thinking of that I did not. 1161 00:47:30,545 --> 00:47:33,205 - Um, it, that is, 1162 00:47:33,345 --> 00:47:36,365 is a very good, very, very good. Good. 1163 00:47:36,445 --> 00:47:39,045 - I won no - gold star to me 1164 00:47:40,135 --> 00:47:41,135 - Validation. 1165 00:47:42,385 --> 00:47:45,485 - Oh, I, I think the only other one that would come close to 1166 00:47:45,485 --> 00:47:49,285 that is the time you 1167 00:47:49,285 --> 00:47:51,805 and I went to London together. 1168 00:47:52,505 --> 00:47:55,805 - Mm mm-Hmm. . Oh, I can think of another one. 1169 00:47:56,065 --> 00:47:59,765 The time we got together down in south, uh, west, 1170 00:48:00,345 --> 00:48:02,285 the Tampa Bay area, I couldn't think of words. 1171 00:48:02,505 --> 00:48:04,325 And we destroyed that hotel room. Oh God. 1172 00:48:04,345 --> 00:48:07,285 - We, oh man. - We should be ashamed of ourselves. Yeah. 1173 00:48:07,285 --> 00:48:11,645 Like it, we were not good, uh, guests in a social sense, 1174 00:48:11,665 --> 00:48:14,045 but no man, that was a, that was a good weekend. 1175 00:48:14,045 --> 00:48:15,205 Mm-Hmm. . That was a real good weekend. 1176 00:48:15,305 --> 00:48:16,405 It was Uhhuh Uhhuh. It was 1177 00:48:16,845 --> 00:48:17,845 - . 1178 00:48:17,845 --> 00:48:19,805 - Why are all of our most cherished memories 1179 00:48:19,805 --> 00:48:20,845 of fuckery . 1180 00:48:23,475 --> 00:48:25,765 Okay, last question. All right. 1181 00:48:25,865 --> 00:48:27,245 And we're, I'm gonna, I'll say 1182 00:48:27,245 --> 00:48:28,405 the question, but then we're gonna modify. 1183 00:48:28,715 --> 00:48:31,605 Okay. The question is, who's my celebrity crush 1184 00:48:31,795 --> 00:48:33,925 that I'd possibly leave you for? 1185 00:48:33,925 --> 00:48:35,325 If I had the chance? And see, 1186 00:48:35,525 --> 00:48:36,565 I wouldn't leave you for anybody. 1187 00:48:36,655 --> 00:48:38,125 We're we're in an open relationship. 1188 00:48:38,145 --> 00:48:41,885 Who would I add to the, the, the selection? 1189 00:48:42,065 --> 00:48:44,165 If I, who's my celebrity crush 1190 00:48:44,545 --> 00:48:45,545 - Is? 1191 00:48:45,545 --> 00:48:49,485 Oh God. I can see his face. I cannot remember his name. What 1192 00:48:49,485 --> 00:48:50,485 - Was he in? 1193 00:48:50,505 --> 00:48:51,505 Or what does he do? 1194 00:48:53,185 --> 00:48:56,205 - The Witcher. - Henry Caval. And thank you. 1195 00:48:56,205 --> 00:48:58,085 He has to wear the wig. If he's not wearing the wig, 1196 00:48:59,075 --> 00:49:00,325 he's not wearing the wig. 1197 00:49:00,665 --> 00:49:03,365 He has to have a scruffy, he can't have shaved. 1198 00:49:03,365 --> 00:49:05,725 If he's freshly shaved, he has to wait a week for 1199 00:49:05,725 --> 00:49:08,125 that scruff to come in either with the wig 1200 00:49:08,795 --> 00:49:10,285 also whether he is shaved or not. 1201 00:49:10,285 --> 00:49:12,405 Mm-Hmm. without the wig. No. No shaving. 1202 00:49:12,405 --> 00:49:16,725 No shaving. No shaving. Oh my God. Yes. Oh my God. 1203 00:49:17,265 --> 00:49:19,685 Here's the thing, knowing how you are, I feel like, 1204 00:49:19,885 --> 00:49:21,485 I don't know that that's when you would say, 1205 00:49:21,625 --> 00:49:23,365 but I feel like we'd both have a good time. 1206 00:49:23,435 --> 00:49:24,765 It'd be like, Henry, are you down? 1207 00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:27,805 Like, we're both old, middle aged, chubby people. . 1208 00:49:28,145 --> 00:49:31,685 Um, but we're also kinky and we're like really open to shit. 1209 00:49:31,705 --> 00:49:33,325 And you're beautiful and we just wanna jump 1210 00:49:33,325 --> 00:49:34,485 on you like a trampoline. 1211 00:49:34,705 --> 00:49:36,005 Was that okay? Yeah. Right, right. 1212 00:49:36,325 --> 00:49:38,765 , I feel like we would share 1213 00:49:39,085 --> 00:49:42,485 - be like a tag team. 1214 00:49:42,585 --> 00:49:43,965 All right. You're going in . 1215 00:49:45,145 --> 00:49:47,725 - So here's where I'm a shitty, shitty person. 1216 00:49:48,725 --> 00:49:52,685 I I would say Henry Caval simply because I know, you know, 1217 00:49:52,785 --> 00:49:55,485 and maybe even, um, Chris Evans as the captain. 1218 00:49:55,545 --> 00:49:56,605 Mm-Hmm. Right, right. 1219 00:49:56,785 --> 00:50:01,325 Um, but I can't, I can't think of any 1220 00:50:02,605 --> 00:50:03,685 specific celebrity 1221 00:50:04,395 --> 00:50:06,205 because see, I'm very open with you about that. 1222 00:50:06,205 --> 00:50:07,645 Yeah. I'm sending you like memes 1223 00:50:07,645 --> 00:50:09,245 and I'm sending you reels of like, look at him. 1224 00:50:09,245 --> 00:50:10,765 Isn't he beautiful? You, 1225 00:50:10,945 --> 00:50:12,845 we could both jump on him with his consent. 1226 00:50:12,845 --> 00:50:15,005 Right, right. But you don't do that in reverse. 1227 00:50:15,005 --> 00:50:17,245 You're not like showing me pictures 1228 00:50:17,305 --> 00:50:19,245 or going, oh, I love this one. Well, 1229 00:50:19,245 --> 00:50:21,005 - There, there's a very good reason for that. 1230 00:50:21,315 --> 00:50:26,005 Okay. Um, growing up where I grew up, 1231 00:50:27,205 --> 00:50:31,565 I was around, um, a lot of people 1232 00:50:32,905 --> 00:50:34,005 of notoriety. 1233 00:50:34,585 --> 00:50:36,165 Mm-Hmm. And such. 1234 00:50:36,985 --> 00:50:40,045 And, and because of that, I lost a lot of that. 1235 00:50:41,265 --> 00:50:42,685 - Oh wow. - You know? Yeah. Yeah. 1236 00:50:42,785 --> 00:50:44,845 Oh, you're a, you're, you're a big star. 1237 00:50:45,065 --> 00:50:46,965 Oh, you're a, you're a athlete. 1238 00:50:47,025 --> 00:50:50,485 Oh, you're, you know, and, and they're just people. Mm-Hmm. 1239 00:50:50,525 --> 00:50:51,325 . Mm-Hmm. . So, 1240 00:50:51,345 --> 00:50:52,485 you know, a lot of that 1241 00:50:53,075 --> 00:50:54,165 - Yeah. It doesn't do it for you. 1242 00:50:54,385 --> 00:50:56,485 - Has, has been lost to me from that. 1243 00:50:56,565 --> 00:50:58,125 - I feel like, I can't think of any names, 1244 00:50:58,385 --> 00:51:01,365 but I feel like old Hollywood stars women, 1245 00:51:01,365 --> 00:51:02,885 especially women, men too. 1246 00:51:03,085 --> 00:51:05,045 'cause you know, you're like, whatever. Yeah. 1247 00:51:05,045 --> 00:51:06,205 Gender is, doesn't matter. 1248 00:51:06,545 --> 00:51:09,885 But I think of like, the old, like starlets from Hollywood, 1249 00:51:09,885 --> 00:51:11,205 the, the heady Lamars 1250 00:51:11,205 --> 00:51:13,525 and the, I feel like that would be your vibe, 1251 00:51:15,185 --> 00:51:17,205 but I don't, I'm, I don't pay attention enough. 1252 00:51:17,245 --> 00:51:19,725 I don't know who you like really liked back in the day. Um, 1253 00:51:20,205 --> 00:51:22,805 - I, I, I think, um, 1254 00:51:24,685 --> 00:51:28,125 I had at, at one point, 1255 00:51:29,665 --> 00:51:31,245 and still do to a certain extent 1256 00:51:31,245 --> 00:51:35,165 because I absolutely love her voice. Stevie Nicks. 1257 00:51:36,115 --> 00:51:39,125 - Yeah. I would, I feel like I, yeah, yeah. 1258 00:51:39,755 --> 00:51:43,205 Because of all like the celebrities kind of people 1259 00:51:43,205 --> 00:51:46,165 that you talk about in sort of an admiring way that's 1260 00:51:46,865 --> 00:51:48,645 not just about their music, but like Mm-Hmm. 1261 00:51:48,685 --> 00:51:50,805 voice and looks, whatever. 1262 00:51:51,145 --> 00:51:53,325 That's a name that definitely comes up. Yeah. 1263 00:51:53,325 --> 00:51:55,325 So now I'm like, I should have fucking known that 1264 00:51:55,385 --> 00:51:58,045 and I should have stopped thinking about movie and TV stars. 1265 00:51:58,545 --> 00:52:01,325 Mm-Hmm. my mental database of singers. Yeah. 1266 00:52:01,645 --> 00:52:03,445 'cause God, you're such a music guy. Mm-Hmm. . 1267 00:52:03,945 --> 00:52:08,325 Um, except I have such a bad memory for that stuff. 1268 00:52:08,405 --> 00:52:09,765 I can't think of any names, but Stevie 1269 00:52:09,765 --> 00:52:11,005 Nicks Abso, absolutely. 1270 00:52:11,035 --> 00:52:13,085 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would, I could see that. 1271 00:52:13,285 --> 00:52:14,605 I could see that. Mm-Hmm. . 1272 00:52:14,985 --> 00:52:18,885 So clearly there's still some stuff I, uh, 1273 00:52:19,835 --> 00:52:22,285 need to learn about you 1274 00:52:22,645 --> 00:52:23,645 - . 1275 00:52:23,645 --> 00:52:24,485 - Also, I just need to get pop 1276 00:52:24,485 --> 00:52:26,005 culture references to stick in my head. 1277 00:52:26,265 --> 00:52:29,005 - See, - Those were all the questions. Mm-Hmm. 1278 00:52:29,045 --> 00:52:31,405 . Um, I, this was not for like, 1279 00:52:31,405 --> 00:52:32,685 to be educational for anybody, 1280 00:52:32,865 --> 00:52:35,845 but if, if you found the questions interesting, 1281 00:52:35,865 --> 00:52:37,645 and maybe we were thinking of your, if you have a partner, 1282 00:52:37,645 --> 00:52:39,085 you're thinking of what their answers might be. 1283 00:52:39,275 --> 00:52:41,645 This could be a good, like little exercise either 1284 00:52:41,785 --> 00:52:42,925 for yourself Mm-Hmm. 1285 00:52:42,965 --> 00:52:44,365 . And then you can kind of go, 1286 00:52:44,365 --> 00:52:45,445 wait, I don't think I know the answer. 1287 00:52:45,445 --> 00:52:47,565 Maybe I need to go learn that. Or you could do it together. 1288 00:52:48,055 --> 00:52:52,685 Right. That's fun. Um, yeah. 1289 00:52:52,825 --> 00:52:57,205 You know, I feel like we know each other 1290 00:52:57,625 --> 00:52:59,605 as well as I thought we would know one another. 1291 00:52:59,605 --> 00:53:01,125 Yeah. I think 1292 00:53:02,055 --> 00:53:05,685 we're on the same page more often than we're not. 1293 00:53:06,585 --> 00:53:08,925 But where we differ most 1294 00:53:08,945 --> 00:53:11,285 of the time compliments the other Mm-Hmm. 1295 00:53:11,325 --> 00:53:14,205 . Um, and I also feel like this is just sort 1296 00:53:14,205 --> 00:53:15,805 of shown what we've learned about each other 1297 00:53:15,875 --> 00:53:17,805 over, over time. And, 1298 00:53:17,805 --> 00:53:19,405 - And I think that - We've gotten better at over 1299 00:53:19,405 --> 00:53:20,405 - Time. 1300 00:53:20,405 --> 00:53:22,805 We, we've gotten better at it. And I think, um, 1301 00:53:23,745 --> 00:53:27,605 and I think what a lot of that, um, comes down to is we, 1302 00:53:27,785 --> 00:53:28,805 we put in the work. 1303 00:53:29,475 --> 00:53:31,205 - Yeah. Yeah. 1304 00:53:31,465 --> 00:53:33,805 - We, we put in the work for our relationship. Mm-Hmm. 1305 00:53:33,845 --> 00:53:34,845 . 1306 00:53:34,995 --> 00:53:38,485 - It's worth it. Yeah. You know, I, um, I'm not really, 1307 00:53:38,875 --> 00:53:39,965 I've said many times, I'm not the 1308 00:53:39,965 --> 00:53:41,165 most sentimental person on the planet. 1309 00:53:41,365 --> 00:53:43,005 I just, my brain doesn't always work that way. Mm-Hmm. 1310 00:53:43,045 --> 00:53:44,125 like, I'll feel it, 1311 00:53:44,125 --> 00:53:45,805 but I don't know how to like, express it. 1312 00:53:46,385 --> 00:53:49,325 And so, like, I am part of, part of the, the, 1313 00:53:49,745 --> 00:53:51,365 my feelings are, you know, my kids are the, 1314 00:53:51,385 --> 00:53:52,885 the best thing I've ever done. 1315 00:53:52,985 --> 00:53:54,165 Mm-Hmm. . Um, 1316 00:53:55,265 --> 00:53:56,885 but this relationship is the best 1317 00:53:56,885 --> 00:53:58,245 relationship I've ever had in my life. 1318 00:53:58,355 --> 00:54:00,565 Like, same. It's not perfect. God. No. 1319 00:54:00,765 --> 00:54:02,245 I mean, I really did have to go away 1320 00:54:02,245 --> 00:54:03,565 and have a little, like, talk with myself 1321 00:54:03,565 --> 00:54:04,645 of like, get your shit together. 1322 00:54:04,645 --> 00:54:05,885 You're, you're offended at nothing. 1323 00:54:05,905 --> 00:54:07,765 You have your little cry, have your little feelings. 1324 00:54:07,825 --> 00:54:08,965 But, but you know what I mean? 1325 00:54:08,965 --> 00:54:11,525 And like, there are things where we will still get, 1326 00:54:11,525 --> 00:54:13,525 certainly get on each other's nerves and Mm-Hmm. 1327 00:54:13,565 --> 00:54:16,165 , you know, it's not always amazing, 1328 00:54:17,185 --> 00:54:20,485 but every moment of every day, it's worth it. 1329 00:54:20,595 --> 00:54:22,565 - Yeah. Oh yeah. Mm-Hmm. 1330 00:54:22,605 --> 00:54:24,125 - . Because when it's amazing, 1331 00:54:24,195 --> 00:54:25,445 it's fucking amazing. 1332 00:54:25,495 --> 00:54:29,125 Right. But even when it's kind of bad, it's still like, 1333 00:54:29,125 --> 00:54:30,565 yeah, but I still wanna be here. 1334 00:54:30,585 --> 00:54:32,805 Mm-Hmm. . I just want it to not be bad . 1335 00:54:32,805 --> 00:54:34,365 - Right. Yeah. What, 1336 00:54:34,745 --> 00:54:36,405 - And what I appreciate about both 1337 00:54:36,405 --> 00:54:38,285 of us is I think we both have the mindset 1338 00:54:38,425 --> 00:54:40,285 of it's bad right now. 1339 00:54:40,425 --> 00:54:42,365 And yeah. We might be having the thoughts of, ooh, 1340 00:54:42,555 --> 00:54:43,645 they need to do better. 1341 00:54:44,105 --> 00:54:45,845 But I think we both have that thought of, 1342 00:54:45,905 --> 00:54:47,165 but what do I need to do better? 1343 00:54:47,175 --> 00:54:49,965 Right. How do I help us get back to where Mm-Hmm. 1344 00:54:50,005 --> 00:54:51,925 , you know, it's not all on me to fix it. 1345 00:54:51,925 --> 00:54:53,405 It's not all on you to fix it. 1346 00:54:53,755 --> 00:54:55,045 Even when we're upset with the other 1347 00:54:55,045 --> 00:54:56,445 and we think the other's done something wrong, 1348 00:54:57,175 --> 00:54:59,285 we're still willing to kind of meet in the middle 1349 00:54:59,345 --> 00:55:00,445 and go, I just need you 1350 00:55:00,445 --> 00:55:01,925 to admit you were kind of wrong here. 1351 00:55:02,085 --> 00:55:03,645 I need you to hear me. I need you to like, 1352 00:55:03,645 --> 00:55:04,685 acknowledge my feelings. 1353 00:55:04,705 --> 00:55:05,725 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . But 1354 00:55:05,725 --> 00:55:07,685 how do we work together to get back to 1355 00:55:07,685 --> 00:55:08,925 where we want to be? Right? Mm-Hmm. . 1356 00:55:08,945 --> 00:55:10,205 - Mm-Hmm. . Absolutely. 1357 00:55:10,425 --> 00:55:12,565 - And I would wish that kind of relationship, romantic, 1358 00:55:12,565 --> 00:55:15,685 sexual, kink, platonic, whatever for anybody, anybody. 1359 00:55:16,185 --> 00:55:19,085 One, one good relationship like that is, I mean, 1360 00:55:19,085 --> 00:55:20,165 you can do anything when, you know, 1361 00:55:20,165 --> 00:55:21,445 you've got somebody in your court like 1362 00:55:21,445 --> 00:55:22,565 that, like they just Mm-Hmm. 1363 00:55:22,605 --> 00:55:24,205 , you know, I feel invincible. 1364 00:55:24,205 --> 00:55:25,725 Like there I get scared about shit 1365 00:55:25,725 --> 00:55:28,405 and I wor God knows, I worry every moment of every, well, 1366 00:55:28,405 --> 00:55:29,525 we just went over what all is 1367 00:55:29,525 --> 00:55:30,605 going on in this brain all the time. 1368 00:55:30,675 --> 00:55:33,965 Yeah. . But I have somebody to share it with. Mm-Hmm. 1369 00:55:34,005 --> 00:55:36,725 I have, you will either commiserate 1370 00:55:36,725 --> 00:55:37,965 with me because we're like, yeah. 1371 00:55:37,965 --> 00:55:40,165 We are both worried about that. Or you'll kind 1372 00:55:40,165 --> 00:55:42,485 of call me on my bullshit in a way that I'm willing 1373 00:55:42,545 --> 00:55:44,045 to be called on my bullshit. 1374 00:55:44,235 --> 00:55:48,085 Yeah. Um, what I love about you is the same as in reverse. 1375 00:55:48,085 --> 00:55:49,525 Like, there's this hole, but he's the dom. 1376 00:55:49,525 --> 00:55:51,965 You shouldn't, you know, tell him about him himself. 1377 00:55:52,235 --> 00:55:54,845 Fuck that shit. I call him on his bullshit all the time. 1378 00:55:55,005 --> 00:55:58,245 Respectfully. Yeah. In my most submissive voice. Mm-Hmm. 1379 00:55:58,285 --> 00:56:00,085 . I'm sure y'all know how that goes. 1380 00:56:00,115 --> 00:56:01,245 - Goes, I think that's important 1381 00:56:01,245 --> 00:56:03,165 because, you know, as your dominant, 1382 00:56:04,585 --> 00:56:06,605 I'm not all knowing, all right. 1383 00:56:06,925 --> 00:56:09,685 Powerful man behind the curtain, you know? No. Yeah. 1384 00:56:09,885 --> 00:56:11,045 - I don't have an Oz fetish, so. 1385 00:56:11,045 --> 00:56:15,845 - Right. So, you know, um, it, it's all part 1386 00:56:15,985 --> 00:56:19,165 of, you know, keeping me 1387 00:56:19,265 --> 00:56:24,005 and my power air quote in check. 1388 00:56:24,425 --> 00:56:26,325 - And the thing is, is what I have found that, 1389 00:56:26,435 --> 00:56:28,805 that bothers me the most when we get out of sync 1390 00:56:28,805 --> 00:56:30,445 or we're in an argument 1391 00:56:30,445 --> 00:56:34,085 or we're in conflict, is I want you to be 1392 00:56:34,905 --> 00:56:36,685 the dom that I know you're capable of. 1393 00:56:37,065 --> 00:56:38,445 And where I get upset is when I 1394 00:56:38,445 --> 00:56:39,485 think that that's not happening. 1395 00:56:39,545 --> 00:56:42,045 And all I wanna do is kind of get you back there 1396 00:56:42,065 --> 00:56:43,085 and help you get back there. 1397 00:56:43,085 --> 00:56:44,485 And sometimes it's, what do I need to do? 1398 00:56:44,665 --> 00:56:47,045 And sometimes it's what do I gotta tell him that he needs 1399 00:56:47,045 --> 00:56:49,725 to be thinking about, you know, that he's not thought about. 1400 00:56:50,025 --> 00:56:51,125 And sometimes what we need 1401 00:56:51,125 --> 00:56:53,285 to do is go in our separate corners 1402 00:56:53,285 --> 00:56:54,765 and do our own thing for a while 1403 00:56:54,815 --> 00:56:56,445 until we want to be nice to each other. 1404 00:56:56,805 --> 00:56:58,045 - , we come back 1405 00:56:58,485 --> 00:56:59,485 - Together. 1406 00:56:59,485 --> 00:57:03,085 Mm-Hmm. . So, and when you do, when you know, 1407 00:57:03,085 --> 00:57:05,245 and we've done the episodes on teamwork, like we are a team 1408 00:57:05,305 --> 00:57:07,285 and we've done the episode on this path of this goal, 1409 00:57:07,285 --> 00:57:08,605 we're on the same path. 1410 00:57:08,625 --> 00:57:10,965 We want the same outcome. Right. 1411 00:57:11,465 --> 00:57:14,685 So our whole thing is how do we figure that out together? 1412 00:57:14,995 --> 00:57:19,365 Because we, without, I know I did not hear this explicitly, 1413 00:57:19,525 --> 00:57:21,885 although I hear it a lot now in relationship advice 1414 00:57:22,155 --> 00:57:24,445 that it's never you versus me. 1415 00:57:24,835 --> 00:57:26,725 It's us versus the problem. Mm-Hmm. . 1416 00:57:26,725 --> 00:57:29,485 And we internalized that a, a long time ago. Yeah. 1417 00:57:29,625 --> 00:57:32,285 And I think it's because we had more, 1418 00:57:33,105 --> 00:57:35,525 we didn't have conflict until we moved in together. 1419 00:57:35,705 --> 00:57:36,965 And even then, not right away 1420 00:57:37,505 --> 00:57:39,285 was when we were navigating the hard things 1421 00:57:39,285 --> 00:57:40,285 that you don't usually have 1422 00:57:40,285 --> 00:57:42,045 to navigate in a long distance relationship 1423 00:57:42,315 --> 00:57:45,645 that are just naturally kept separate until you're together. 1424 00:57:46,385 --> 00:57:48,485 Um, so we had had enough good 1425 00:57:49,185 --> 00:57:51,325 and we had enough desire to keep the good, 1426 00:57:51,595 --> 00:57:53,805 when the tension finally occurred, we were like, 1427 00:57:53,945 --> 00:57:55,445 we don't like this feeling. 1428 00:57:55,955 --> 00:57:57,525 Yeah. How do we make this stop? 1429 00:57:57,545 --> 00:57:59,485 - Go away. Yeah. Right. Mm-Hmm. . Yep. 1430 00:58:00,305 --> 00:58:02,765 - So, - Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . 1431 00:58:03,505 --> 00:58:05,165 - So that was our episode. Yeah. 1432 00:58:05,625 --> 00:58:08,205 - Yay. Alright, - We're gonna do a bonus section. Mm-Hmm. 1433 00:58:08,245 --> 00:58:10,445 . Uh, that's all I got. 1434 00:58:10,635 --> 00:58:12,445 - Okay. So are we good? I don't know about 1435 00:58:12,445 --> 00:58:13,445 - That. 1436 00:58:14,235 --> 00:58:16,445 - Keep the kinky - Allall and we'll see you next week. 1437 00:58:26,415 --> 00:58:26,765 Daddy. 1438 00:58:27,585 --> 00:58:29,725 - Yes baby girl. Can - I talk to the crickets please? 1439 00:58:31,905 --> 00:58:33,925 - You really want to talk to the crickets, don't you? 1440 00:58:34,405 --> 00:58:36,925 I always, I know. Mm-Hmm. . I know. Mm-Hmm. 1441 00:58:36,965 --> 00:58:38,645 - . I was sad that we only got to talk 1442 00:58:38,645 --> 00:58:41,205 to like one half of the crickets last week. 1443 00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:42,685 - I know. Mm-Hmm. . 1444 00:58:42,685 --> 00:58:43,765 - Mm-Hmm. . I was happy to be able 1445 00:58:43,765 --> 00:58:44,685 to talk podcast listeners 1446 00:58:44,685 --> 00:58:45,885 was very happy to be able to talk to you. 1447 00:58:45,885 --> 00:58:47,205 Thank you for being there so that we could talk to you. 1448 00:58:47,385 --> 00:58:49,325 But I missed the YouTube. Crickets. 1449 00:58:52,475 --> 00:58:57,365 - Well, go ahead. You 1450 00:58:57,465 --> 00:58:58,525 - Are such a fucking sadist. 1451 00:58:58,885 --> 00:59:00,165 I swear to God. . 1452 00:59:01,115 --> 00:59:02,525 - Holy shit. - . 1453 00:59:07,385 --> 00:59:09,965 Um, what have we got? 1454 00:59:11,065 --> 00:59:14,725 So I have barely talked to the 18-year-old, 1455 00:59:14,725 --> 00:59:17,605 but I'm gonna, we're gonna, we are all gonna see 1456 00:59:17,745 --> 00:59:19,285 you tomorrow night. 1457 00:59:20,125 --> 00:59:22,205 Tomorrow day after recording. Podcast listeners will be 1458 00:59:22,315 --> 00:59:23,325 Thur this Thursday. 1459 00:59:23,465 --> 00:59:24,805 Um, we're time traveling. 1460 00:59:25,585 --> 00:59:29,765 - I'm going to be the chauffeur tomorrow, tonight. 1461 00:59:30,065 --> 00:59:31,365 - You have to be, or me 1462 00:59:31,365 --> 00:59:34,925 and my mother who, look, I think we are strong, 1463 00:59:34,925 --> 00:59:37,445 independent women who can handle our shit, 1464 00:59:38,105 --> 00:59:40,365 except we also have a lot of anxiety, 1465 00:59:40,495 --> 00:59:42,245 worry about things we shouldn't worry about 1466 00:59:42,305 --> 00:59:43,325 and have become 1467 00:59:43,425 --> 00:59:46,325 as we've each individually aged very nervous drivers. 1468 00:59:47,225 --> 00:59:51,685 And so who both for different reasons, struggle 1469 00:59:51,785 --> 00:59:54,125 to drive at night because it doesn't look quite right. 1470 00:59:54,305 --> 00:59:55,765 And then add that to our anxiety. 1471 00:59:55,765 --> 00:59:58,685 And really, should we be allowed to get in a vehicle 1472 00:59:58,785 --> 01:00:01,285 and speed down the highway to go watch a concert 1473 01:00:01,435 --> 01:00:04,245 that is gonna be at night, it's gonna be dark. 1474 01:00:05,505 --> 01:00:07,845 And also you like your mother-in-Law. Like she I do. 1475 01:00:07,945 --> 01:00:10,925 You actually like my mom? I do. She's a good mother-in-Law. 1476 01:00:10,945 --> 01:00:13,045 She does not, she is not getting in the middle of shit. 1477 01:00:13,415 --> 01:00:15,005 She's not interfering. 1478 01:00:15,825 --> 01:00:18,685 She Well, you know, if I, if I talk to her 1479 01:00:18,825 --> 01:00:19,925 and vent, she's gonna listen. 1480 01:00:19,985 --> 01:00:22,365 If I, and she's the type, I'm not giving you advice 1481 01:00:22,365 --> 01:00:24,725 unless you ask for it, but be careful what you ask for. 1482 01:00:24,725 --> 01:00:27,205 Yeah. Right. Because I will tell you what I think . 1483 01:00:27,665 --> 01:00:29,445 Um, but I knew that about her 1484 01:00:29,445 --> 01:00:30,765 before I got married the first time. 1485 01:00:31,345 --> 01:00:34,205 And denial is powerful. So I just never asked her shit. 1486 01:00:34,825 --> 01:00:36,445 Um, and now we're at a point, 1487 01:00:36,725 --> 01:00:38,325 'cause this is a good relationship 1488 01:00:38,785 --> 01:00:41,285 and she has struggles in her own that she's like, 1489 01:00:41,955 --> 01:00:44,565 what do you mean he just does the dishes unprompted? 1490 01:00:44,785 --> 01:00:46,645 I'm like, because he is not a fucking man, baby. 1491 01:00:46,705 --> 01:00:48,485 And he knows that he lives in this house too. 1492 01:00:48,505 --> 01:00:51,165 And like, if he didn't, if I wasn't here, if they, 1493 01:00:51,265 --> 01:00:53,285 if he didn't do it, they would like, what, what, like, 1494 01:00:53,285 --> 01:00:54,325 what are we talking about ? 1495 01:00:54,325 --> 01:00:56,925 Yeah. What do you mean ? ? 1496 01:00:57,115 --> 01:00:59,845 Because I didn't marry a man baby. Okay. 1497 01:01:02,385 --> 01:01:05,925 Anyway, we also, that rule goes the other, the other way. 1498 01:01:06,085 --> 01:01:07,085 I do not, uh, 1499 01:01:07,135 --> 01:01:10,205 offer unsolicited opinions about her situations. 1500 01:01:10,235 --> 01:01:15,045 Yeah. But if she asks, I will tell her. Um, . Yeah. 1501 01:01:15,305 --> 01:01:17,765 My, my mom's not like the other mom-in-Law. 1502 01:01:17,855 --> 01:01:18,925 She's a good mom-in-Law. 1503 01:01:18,925 --> 01:01:20,485 Uh, she's a cool mother-in-Law . 1504 01:01:20,585 --> 01:01:22,445 Um, I butchered that, but y'all know what I mean. 1505 01:01:22,705 --> 01:01:26,925 Um, so yeah, so the oldest has a concert Thursday night. 1506 01:01:27,345 --> 01:01:29,405 We didn't go to the October concert, 1507 01:01:29,555 --> 01:01:30,965 even though we planned on it 1508 01:01:31,595 --> 01:01:33,525 because he said, please don't come to this one. 1509 01:01:33,595 --> 01:01:35,765 It's not gonna be any good. We got music that was too hard 1510 01:01:35,765 --> 01:01:37,125 and we got no time to prepare for it. 1511 01:01:37,265 --> 01:01:38,605 And I just don't think it's gonna be very good. 1512 01:01:38,675 --> 01:01:39,965 Just please don't come. His, 1513 01:01:40,105 --> 01:01:42,245 - His words were, this concert's gonna be 1514 01:01:42,385 --> 01:01:43,485 ass so don't come 1515 01:01:43,725 --> 01:01:44,725 - fair. 1516 01:01:44,725 --> 01:01:46,365 That's fair. And then, and then when I, I, 1517 01:01:46,465 --> 01:01:48,525 and it wor it worked out in a way 1518 01:01:48,765 --> 01:01:51,005 because JB was sick that week 1519 01:01:51,105 --> 01:01:53,285 and he, we didn't need to be going anywhere anyway. 1520 01:01:53,305 --> 01:01:55,205 Mm-Hmm. . And I didn't wanna drive at night 1521 01:01:55,205 --> 01:01:57,125 by myself with the kid, the youngest. 1522 01:01:57,125 --> 01:01:58,525 So I was like, okay, we'll stay at home. 1523 01:01:58,525 --> 01:02:00,125 This, this works out, you know, 1524 01:02:01,105 --> 01:02:02,085 and then come to find, 1525 01:02:02,085 --> 01:02:03,245 he was like, actually it was pretty good. 1526 01:02:04,705 --> 01:02:06,445 But the other part, the part 1527 01:02:06,445 --> 01:02:09,085 where why JB keeps giving me side eye every time I mention 1528 01:02:09,085 --> 01:02:13,365 this concert is, the original agreement was we went 1529 01:02:13,365 --> 01:02:15,485 to the first one in the, what was that? 1530 01:02:15,685 --> 01:02:17,005 September, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. 1531 01:02:17,545 --> 01:02:18,805 And we were looking at the schedule 1532 01:02:18,805 --> 01:02:21,005 and there was an October concert and a November concert. 1533 01:02:21,205 --> 01:02:22,885 I don't know about next semester. I just know these. 1534 01:02:23,545 --> 01:02:27,005 And so at the time when we were planning the October one, 1535 01:02:27,005 --> 01:02:29,325 and I knew my mom would wanna go to the November one Mm-Hmm. 1536 01:02:29,365 --> 01:02:31,885 because she's in town and I genuinely don't 1537 01:02:31,885 --> 01:02:34,005 think she's heard the oldest perform in a 1538 01:02:34,005 --> 01:02:36,085 concert in like, years. Like 1539 01:02:36,835 --> 01:02:37,885 - It's been a while. Yeah. I 1540 01:02:37,885 --> 01:02:38,765 - Don't even think she got to hear him 1541 01:02:38,765 --> 01:02:39,525 in high school at all. 1542 01:02:39,665 --> 01:02:42,725 So I'm not sure. Maybe, maybe I don't, I'll have to ask her. 1543 01:02:42,725 --> 01:02:45,085 - I don't - Remember. Yeah. Anyway, the agreement, 1544 01:02:45,225 --> 01:02:49,325 the negotiated agreement was JB would go to the October one, 1545 01:02:49,505 --> 01:02:51,045 but he could sit out the November 1546 01:02:51,265 --> 01:02:52,265 - One. 1547 01:02:52,265 --> 01:02:52,535 Right. 1548 01:02:53,925 --> 01:02:54,765 - I should never have made that 1549 01:02:54,765 --> 01:02:55,565 agreement in the first place. 1550 01:02:55,965 --> 01:02:57,485 I should have thought about two crazy, 1551 01:02:58,435 --> 01:03:02,365 anxious white ladies driving down a dark highway, uh, 1552 01:03:02,365 --> 01:03:04,805 with a 14-year-old who is equally as anxious. 1553 01:03:04,805 --> 01:03:06,925 Like I just, I did not think that through that was, 1554 01:03:07,045 --> 01:03:08,485 I should never have negotiated that. 1555 01:03:09,265 --> 01:03:12,685 But my point has been there was, you didn't get to go 1556 01:03:12,685 --> 01:03:16,005 to the October concert and so 1557 01:03:16,035 --> 01:03:18,165 therefore you still owe me a concert. 1558 01:03:18,465 --> 01:03:20,805 But also use your judgment. 1559 01:03:21,025 --> 01:03:23,125 Did you want me to come home in one piece 1560 01:03:23,625 --> 01:03:25,165 and with my mother 1561 01:03:25,165 --> 01:03:27,605 and one of us not have been left on the side of the road 1562 01:03:28,545 --> 01:03:29,885 or wrapped around something 1563 01:03:29,885 --> 01:03:33,285 because we overthought like a light in the distance. 1564 01:03:33,315 --> 01:03:34,405 Like I just, 1565 01:03:34,785 --> 01:03:37,845 or still circling Gainesville, just nobody listening 1566 01:03:37,845 --> 01:03:39,765 to the GPS going, I dunno where to go. 1567 01:03:40,205 --> 01:03:43,685 I mean, we, it's a comedy of errors when we get together 1568 01:03:43,745 --> 01:03:46,485 and we do things that make us nervous, we can do them, 1569 01:03:46,945 --> 01:03:48,045 but it's going to be chaotic. 1570 01:03:49,705 --> 01:03:51,565 But if you are there leading the way, 1571 01:03:52,775 --> 01:03:54,005 chaos is kept to a minimum. 1572 01:03:58,135 --> 01:03:59,195 And you didn't, you didn't, 1573 01:03:59,195 --> 01:04:00,595 there was no October one to go to. 1574 01:04:00,595 --> 01:04:02,235 You were sick. So 1575 01:04:03,385 --> 01:04:06,475 therefore the original negotiation is null and void. 1576 01:04:08,335 --> 01:04:12,115 The original terms couldn't be kept. So I'm owed a concert. 1577 01:04:12,955 --> 01:04:14,395 - I was planning on staying home 1578 01:04:14,955 --> 01:04:19,515 - , - She can go out, spend some quality time 1579 01:04:19,515 --> 01:04:24,315 with her mom, and I would have the TV 1580 01:04:24,415 --> 01:04:25,755 and the living room to myself 1581 01:04:26,255 --> 01:04:27,835 and I could sit and binge watch. 1582 01:04:28,335 --> 01:04:30,075 - And what did I offer? What did I offer? 1583 01:04:30,345 --> 01:04:32,195 Because see here, when he wants to watch a show 1584 01:04:32,195 --> 01:04:33,835 that I don't watch, I, it's one 1585 01:04:33,835 --> 01:04:34,755 of those things I don't even, I 1586 01:04:34,755 --> 01:04:35,635 can't even stay in the living room. 1587 01:04:35,675 --> 01:04:36,915 I can't, I can't hear it. Like I, 1588 01:04:36,915 --> 01:04:40,435 because I'll I'm not, I'm, I'm gonna get distracted 1589 01:04:40,435 --> 01:04:41,435 by the bright shiny. 1590 01:04:41,715 --> 01:04:42,835 'cause maybe a dialogue will be 1591 01:04:42,835 --> 01:04:43,915 good or something will be happening. 1592 01:04:43,915 --> 01:04:45,355 And then next thing you know, I see like a zombie 1593 01:04:45,355 --> 01:04:46,755 and then I'm like freaked out . 1594 01:04:46,975 --> 01:04:48,195 So I leave the room. 1595 01:04:48,295 --> 01:04:51,595 So I, and the bedroom's not like super comfortable for me 1596 01:04:51,595 --> 01:04:52,715 to be in and the office, if 1597 01:04:52,715 --> 01:04:53,795 I'm in the office, I'm gonna work. 1598 01:04:54,505 --> 01:04:58,155 Yeah. So as a, as a, as a thank you for, you know, 1599 01:04:58,155 --> 01:05:00,715 giving me the one concert I was owed anyway, 1600 01:05:00,875 --> 01:05:02,635 'cause that's what I prom was promises that you'd go 1601 01:05:02,635 --> 01:05:03,875 to one of the concerts. 1602 01:05:03,895 --> 01:05:08,395 But whatever. I offered to make myself scarce on Sunday 1603 01:05:08,655 --> 01:05:11,155 and negotiate an amount of time where, okay, fine. 1604 01:05:11,195 --> 01:05:13,515 I will not sit on the comfortable couch where I like 1605 01:05:13,515 --> 01:05:14,915 to read my books and watch my videos. 1606 01:05:15,105 --> 01:05:16,555 I'll go into the uncomfortable bedroom 1607 01:05:17,385 --> 01:05:19,645 and do it there so that you get your time. 1608 01:05:23,425 --> 01:05:26,725 You're not being completely left out on in the cold here. 1609 01:05:28,325 --> 01:05:30,965 I am trying to take care of you in the way that I know how. 1610 01:05:34,715 --> 01:05:36,125 - Just - Saying . 1611 01:05:41,595 --> 01:05:45,085 - Okay. - Also, I just feel immediately better 1612 01:05:45,085 --> 01:05:46,765 and calmer knowing you're gonna be the one driving 1613 01:05:46,825 --> 01:05:49,205 and you're gonna be there 1614 01:05:49,865 --> 01:05:51,365 and you'll keep us all rounded up. 1615 01:05:51,885 --> 01:05:51,965 . 1616 01:05:57,675 --> 01:06:00,285 Because here's the thing, , my mother 1617 01:06:00,285 --> 01:06:02,365 and I are our own individual people 1618 01:06:02,665 --> 01:06:04,805 and we have our own quirks and our own whatever. 1619 01:06:04,805 --> 01:06:06,365 But there are some ways we're very similar. 1620 01:06:06,505 --> 01:06:07,445 And those, when those 1621 01:06:07,445 --> 01:06:09,005 similarities come together, there's a clash. 1622 01:06:09,905 --> 01:06:12,845 So examples, these are mild examples, 1623 01:06:12,845 --> 01:06:17,165 but examples, she let me drive her vehicle. 1624 01:06:17,415 --> 01:06:20,365 She's got a brand new Rav for Toyota RAV4. 1625 01:06:20,365 --> 01:06:21,445 I fucking love driving that thing. 1626 01:06:21,945 --> 01:06:23,365 Um, try not to think about it too hard. 1627 01:06:23,485 --> 01:06:25,645 'cause they'll be like, oh, it's way better than our cars 1628 01:06:26,085 --> 01:06:28,165 , but our cars are fully paid for. 1629 01:06:28,165 --> 01:06:32,445 So whatever. Um, she let me drive 1630 01:06:32,665 --> 01:06:34,165 to take the kid to school. 1631 01:06:34,385 --> 01:06:36,045 We had had band yesterday. 1632 01:06:36,705 --> 01:06:39,245 Um, and then let me drive, we did errands and then we drove 1633 01:06:39,245 --> 01:06:40,365 and we did an early dinner. 1634 01:06:40,565 --> 01:06:42,125 'cause then we were gonna go do shopping like on a 1635 01:06:42,125 --> 01:06:43,405 completely different side of town. 1636 01:06:43,465 --> 01:06:45,125 And n none 1637 01:06:45,125 --> 01:06:47,045 of us in this crowd, we're gonna do a late dinner. 1638 01:06:47,045 --> 01:06:50,285 We're not wired that way. So I do all that driving. 1639 01:06:50,745 --> 01:06:55,325 And the longer I drove, the more anxious she got. 1640 01:06:55,325 --> 01:06:56,965 Now look, you hop two curbs 1641 01:06:57,065 --> 01:06:59,405 and they just, they get, they get nervous. 1642 01:06:59,845 --> 01:07:02,125 I did. And I don't do that very often anymore. 1643 01:07:02,525 --> 01:07:04,485 I was unsure of my, the vehicle size. 1644 01:07:04,625 --> 01:07:07,005 And I like undercuts anyway. 1645 01:07:07,345 --> 01:07:10,045 But she also started doing this thing that she does. 1646 01:07:10,645 --> 01:07:12,525 'cause she's an anxious passenger. 1647 01:07:12,755 --> 01:07:16,565 It's, you know, there would be taillights. 1648 01:07:16,585 --> 01:07:18,525 And I know you're gonna laugh at the irony of this. 1649 01:07:18,525 --> 01:07:21,525 It's fine. There'll be taillights. I am like half a mile up. 1650 01:07:21,525 --> 01:07:23,245 And she'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1651 01:07:23,305 --> 01:07:27,565 I'm like, I'm, I've, I got, how many years did I, 1652 01:07:27,725 --> 01:07:30,925 I was like, I got 25 years of solid driving experience 1653 01:07:30,925 --> 01:07:32,205 with zero accidents. 1654 01:07:32,315 --> 01:07:35,445 It's, I, yes, I see them. I'm slowing down. 1655 01:07:35,465 --> 01:07:37,685 I'm, I hadn't gotten us killed yet, have I? 1656 01:07:38,105 --> 01:07:40,045 And she's like, it's, I know, but you know, I get anxious. 1657 01:07:40,105 --> 01:07:42,085 And then somebody would be coming out the side road 1658 01:07:42,145 --> 01:07:44,325 and yeah, they sometimes speed up to a stop sign 1659 01:07:44,505 --> 01:07:45,685 and you do have to be careful, 1660 01:07:45,985 --> 01:07:47,605 but she'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1661 01:07:47,625 --> 01:07:50,085 And make me nervous. So then I was like, 1662 01:07:50,475 --> 01:07:51,475 - What is happening? 1663 01:07:51,725 --> 01:07:53,165 . Huh? I 1664 01:07:53,295 --> 01:07:55,125 - Understand the irony. , 1665 01:07:55,995 --> 01:07:57,365 - What comes around goes around 1666 01:07:58,025 --> 01:07:59,025 - Two things, - Huh? 1667 01:07:59,465 --> 01:08:01,725 - One, you and I have figured out what works. 1668 01:08:02,125 --> 01:08:04,765 I, he used to complain that when I'd get in the car, I just, 1669 01:08:04,765 --> 01:08:05,765 my nose would be in my phone. 1670 01:08:05,905 --> 01:08:07,205 And we weren't having conversations 1671 01:08:07,225 --> 01:08:08,925 and we weren't like connecting. 1672 01:08:09,305 --> 01:08:11,125 And I finally said, if I look up from my phone, 1673 01:08:11,225 --> 01:08:12,485 I'm gonna be the nervous passenger 1674 01:08:12,485 --> 01:08:14,925 and you're gonna like wanna put me out on the side 1675 01:08:14,925 --> 01:08:16,845 of the road, which would you like? 1676 01:08:16,845 --> 01:08:18,245 And he was like, I would like your time and attention. 1677 01:08:18,265 --> 01:08:20,405 And so he got it. And then about a week 1678 01:08:20,405 --> 01:08:21,565 later he went, it's fine. 1679 01:08:21,565 --> 01:08:23,605 If you look at your phone while I'm driving, please, 1680 01:08:23,665 --> 01:08:24,965 - Please look at that damn phone. 1681 01:08:25,245 --> 01:08:26,685 - I read books. I watch reels. 1682 01:08:26,845 --> 01:08:28,165 I like, I do not look up 1683 01:08:28,165 --> 01:08:30,445 because then I can't tap my imaginary break 1684 01:08:30,585 --> 01:08:31,925 or grab the o shit handle 1685 01:08:32,465 --> 01:08:36,885 or go to let him know 1686 01:08:36,955 --> 01:08:38,525 that somebody of us is stopping. 1687 01:08:39,065 --> 01:08:40,485 My mother does not have that. 1688 01:08:40,945 --> 01:08:42,405 My mother will just tell you 1689 01:08:42,515 --> 01:08:44,645 that clearly everybody's trying to kill you. 1690 01:08:44,645 --> 01:08:47,125 So we get to the restaurant, we eat dinner 1691 01:08:47,185 --> 01:08:49,565 and as we're leaving, 'cause at this point I knew 1692 01:08:49,565 --> 01:08:50,845 that she knew where she was going. 1693 01:08:51,565 --> 01:08:53,965 I was like, would you like to drive? 1694 01:08:54,865 --> 01:08:56,845 She went, yes, yes, I would. I was like, fine. 1695 01:08:57,405 --> 01:09:01,845 swimming. So I understand that. 1696 01:09:01,945 --> 01:09:06,445 Uh, generational cycles, it's all repeating. I get it. 1697 01:09:06,525 --> 01:09:09,045 I get it. But I have found a way 1698 01:09:09,045 --> 01:09:10,165 that we can both survive it. 1699 01:09:10,305 --> 01:09:12,765 Yes. I was ready to put my mama out on the side of the road. 1700 01:09:12,955 --> 01:09:15,685 Okay. and I love her so much. 1701 01:09:15,715 --> 01:09:18,685 There's a reason we have like a 72 hour like max 1702 01:09:18,685 --> 01:09:20,925 that we can do before we have to go to separate corners. 1703 01:09:21,785 --> 01:09:22,925 And this visit has worked 1704 01:09:22,925 --> 01:09:26,365 because like, um, I saw her for a few hours on Sunday. 1705 01:09:26,365 --> 01:09:30,605 Mm-Hmm. , I saw her for several hours Monday. 1706 01:09:30,705 --> 01:09:32,085 But like by mid-afternoon, 1707 01:09:32,225 --> 01:09:34,765 she had gone her direction Tuesday, that was the day 1708 01:09:34,765 --> 01:09:36,245 before this day of recording. 1709 01:09:36,645 --> 01:09:39,565 I saw her for the whole afternoon into the evening. 1710 01:09:39,625 --> 01:09:41,845 But that was really only like five or six hours. Mm-Hmm. 1711 01:09:41,885 --> 01:09:42,725 today we won't see her at all 1712 01:09:42,725 --> 01:09:43,725 because we had so much work to do. 1713 01:09:43,725 --> 01:09:45,725 She was like, I'll just stay on your aunt 1714 01:09:45,725 --> 01:09:48,045 and uncle's side of town and tomorrow, 1715 01:09:48,365 --> 01:09:51,365 tomorrow will be the longest day that we spend together. 1716 01:09:51,645 --> 01:09:53,005 'cause she'll come like mid-morning 1717 01:09:53,005 --> 01:09:54,765 and it might be like 11 o'clock at night 1718 01:09:54,765 --> 01:09:57,765 before she's back at, at my aunt and uncle's house. 1719 01:09:57,765 --> 01:09:59,045 So it'll be a long day. But that, 1720 01:09:59,045 --> 01:10:00,605 that like works like we like Mm-Hmm. 1721 01:10:00,645 --> 01:10:02,565 stagger it out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 1722 01:10:05,475 --> 01:10:06,775 I'm sure there are other things going on, 1723 01:10:06,775 --> 01:10:07,775 but I have just rambled. 1724 01:10:08,555 --> 01:10:11,255 - You have, I have. - Because I find myself amusing. 1725 01:10:11,455 --> 01:10:12,495 I don't know if anybody else does, 1726 01:10:12,515 --> 01:10:15,695 but you know, I'm, uh, enamored with me. 1727 01:10:17,725 --> 01:10:20,495 Look, when my, I can get my brain to function with my mouth 1728 01:10:20,495 --> 01:10:23,135 and the words are wording and I can get 'em to flow. 1729 01:10:23,205 --> 01:10:25,615 Like, I'm like, look at me. I got a superpower. 1730 01:10:25,695 --> 01:10:26,895 I know how to string some words together. 1731 01:10:26,975 --> 01:10:29,415 I wanna keep doing it until the words cut off. 1732 01:10:29,415 --> 01:10:30,895 Like the brain stops working or something. 1733 01:10:30,895 --> 01:10:33,575 Like run outta words . Then I'm like, oh God, okay. 1734 01:10:33,575 --> 01:10:34,575 Maybe I should stop now. 1735 01:10:36,645 --> 01:10:39,335 Also, I think I've hit the point of it's a good kind 1736 01:10:39,335 --> 01:10:41,175 of tired, we talked about this the beginning, right? 1737 01:10:41,175 --> 01:10:42,695 We've been, we've been doing our Black Friday 1738 01:10:42,805 --> 01:10:44,695 sale, uh, podcast listeners. 1739 01:10:44,695 --> 01:10:46,135 By the time you hear this, the sale is over. 1740 01:10:46,555 --> 01:10:48,255 Um, but we're like finishing that up 1741 01:10:48,255 --> 01:10:50,415 and the orders are coming in and it's been a very successful 1742 01:10:50,415 --> 01:10:52,695 sale and we busted our ass to prep for it. 1743 01:10:52,955 --> 01:10:54,775 And it went really well. And the woodshed went 1744 01:10:54,775 --> 01:10:55,935 really well when we did that. 1745 01:10:55,935 --> 01:10:58,015 Like it all, like, it's all been good, but it's Mm-Hmm. 1746 01:10:58,055 --> 01:11:00,135 it is caught up with me today. 1747 01:11:00,415 --> 01:11:02,535 I am like deliriously tired. Yeah. 1748 01:11:02,715 --> 01:11:06,335 - It it, it's been just one constant thing after another. 1749 01:11:06,355 --> 01:11:07,415 Mm-Hmm. And, uh, 1750 01:11:08,685 --> 01:11:09,685 - Yeah. 1751 01:11:09,685 --> 01:11:10,855 Yeah. And no complaints about it. 1752 01:11:10,965 --> 01:11:13,725 It's just like, I'm, I'm loopy. I don't Mm-Hmm. 1753 01:11:13,765 --> 01:11:14,925 . I can't cont I don't know. 1754 01:11:15,125 --> 01:11:16,565 I don't know what's coming outta my mouth. Yeah. 1755 01:11:16,645 --> 01:11:17,925 I don't know if it makes sense to anybody. 1756 01:11:18,325 --> 01:11:20,045 I don't know if I've annoyed the fuck out of here. 1757 01:11:20,165 --> 01:11:22,685 I don't know. . And I'm too tired to give a shit. 1758 01:11:25,065 --> 01:11:28,165 So there we're case in point, not, 1759 01:11:28,165 --> 01:11:29,325 not a lick of makeup on this face. 1760 01:11:29,525 --> 01:11:33,205 'cause we had choices and I could feel, I could feel the, 1761 01:11:33,425 --> 01:11:37,245 what's the word I want, the, the paralysis that comes with, 1762 01:11:37,325 --> 01:11:39,005 I know there's a thing that I should do, 1763 01:11:39,825 --> 01:11:41,245 but I can't make myself do it. 1764 01:11:41,505 --> 01:11:42,565 And what'll happen is I'll 1765 01:11:42,565 --> 01:11:43,605 just freeze and I won't do anything. 1766 01:11:43,605 --> 01:11:44,605 Mm-Hmm. . And so I was 1767 01:11:44,605 --> 01:11:45,365 like, we gotta make the decision. 1768 01:11:45,365 --> 01:11:46,245 We're just not gonna worry about it 1769 01:11:46,485 --> 01:11:48,525 so that we can That's okay. Keep moving 1770 01:11:48,525 --> 01:11:49,525 - Forward. 1771 01:11:49,525 --> 01:11:50,605 I didn't, I didn't shave either, so, you 1772 01:11:50,605 --> 01:11:51,605 - Know. 1773 01:11:51,605 --> 01:11:52,765 Oh, you have to. We, there's a reason these, uh, 1774 01:11:52,765 --> 01:11:54,325 legs are covered in long pants. 1775 01:11:54,675 --> 01:11:56,125 Shaving the legs. What? 1776 01:11:56,525 --> 01:11:57,965 - - Look, 1777 01:11:57,965 --> 01:12:00,605 once I realized you did not give a fuck if they were super 1778 01:12:00,605 --> 01:12:04,445 smooth I shave for me and I Mm-Hmm. 1779 01:12:04,485 --> 01:12:06,045 . If I think I'm gonna get laid 1780 01:12:06,065 --> 01:12:08,965 and I want to be that night, I might shave for that. 1781 01:12:09,105 --> 01:12:13,205 But yeah, I mean you will, you will absolutely trek 1782 01:12:13,205 --> 01:12:15,325 through the wilderness to get to Hmm. 1783 01:12:15,785 --> 01:12:18,325 You know, the center of my Tootsie Pop. So 1784 01:12:19,285 --> 01:12:20,285 - . 1785 01:12:20,285 --> 01:12:21,525 - I was gonna say something about cream and, 1786 01:12:21,705 --> 01:12:23,285 and that didn't, so I went Tootsie Pop. 1787 01:12:24,025 --> 01:12:26,245 Um, have you got anything? 1788 01:12:26,325 --> 01:12:28,445 I know I sucked up all the oxygen as usual 1789 01:12:31,585 --> 01:12:32,765 as you're letting Lola out. 1790 01:12:32,875 --> 01:12:33,875 Yeah. 1791 01:12:36,985 --> 01:12:40,845 - So, well last night I went to, um, went 1792 01:12:40,845 --> 01:12:42,565 to the big community Munch. Was 1793 01:12:42,565 --> 01:12:44,565 - It still 40, 50, 60 people? Like usual 1794 01:12:44,845 --> 01:12:47,125 - I was about 30, 30 some folks there. 1795 01:12:47,125 --> 01:12:48,125 Yeah. 1796 01:12:48,345 --> 01:12:49,725 - That's actually kind of quiet. Yeah. 1797 01:12:50,085 --> 01:12:51,525 Compared to Mm-Hmm. The Times I used to be. 1798 01:12:51,525 --> 01:12:53,445 - Well thanks. 'cause um, you know, holidays. 1799 01:12:53,445 --> 01:12:54,485 Holidays, yeah. Yeah. 1800 01:12:54,705 --> 01:12:55,725 - And it probably won't be 1801 01:12:55,725 --> 01:12:57,045 in December too then. Mm-Hmm. . 1802 01:12:57,665 --> 01:12:58,685 - But, um, it was good. 1803 01:12:58,705 --> 01:13:03,005 It was, it was nice to see, excuse me, folks 1804 01:13:03,005 --> 01:13:04,565 that I hadn't seen Mm-Hmm. 1805 01:13:04,605 --> 01:13:07,445 in a while and met some new folk and Okay. 1806 01:13:07,665 --> 01:13:09,885 You know, a lot of new faces there. Mm-Hmm. . 1807 01:13:10,865 --> 01:13:14,725 So, uh, that was cool and enjoyed that very much. 1808 01:13:14,865 --> 01:13:16,205 And it was kind of funny 1809 01:13:16,205 --> 01:13:19,165 because, you know, our, our life pretty much since, uh, 1810 01:13:20,365 --> 01:13:24,045 September, we had been really focused on, on work. 1811 01:13:24,225 --> 01:13:27,525 Mm-Hmm. . And in, in conversation 1812 01:13:28,075 --> 01:13:31,765 with somebody, they were like, um, you know, so, 1813 01:13:31,825 --> 01:13:32,845 so what do you, what do you do? 1814 01:13:32,875 --> 01:13:37,045 What have you been doing? ? And I was like, uh, uh, 1815 01:13:38,195 --> 01:13:39,405 - I've been making paddles. 1816 01:13:39,725 --> 01:13:42,005 - I work , - I work. 1817 01:13:42,355 --> 01:13:45,005 - Yeah, yeah, - Yeah. Fourth quarter baby. 1818 01:13:45,265 --> 01:13:48,285 - And uh, yeah. Not much room for anything else. 1819 01:13:48,425 --> 01:13:52,445 Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Of late, you know, um, I, 1820 01:13:52,645 --> 01:13:55,685 I have really been wanting to, um, especially 1821 01:13:55,685 --> 01:13:57,165 with the weather turning away. 1822 01:13:57,165 --> 01:14:01,525 It is, you know, we, we have a lot of, uh, state parks 1823 01:14:01,525 --> 01:14:02,685 around here and stuff 1824 01:14:02,865 --> 01:14:05,605 and I'm like, you know, I wanted to do it last year, 1825 01:14:05,625 --> 01:14:06,965 but I couldn't because of my back. 1826 01:14:07,065 --> 01:14:08,165 Now my back is better. 1827 01:14:08,585 --> 01:14:10,405 And I'm like, you know, I want to go out 1828 01:14:10,405 --> 01:14:12,725 and walk some of, of these trails at the parks and Mm-Hmm. 1829 01:14:12,765 --> 01:14:16,005 and stuff. And when do I stop 1830 01:14:16,005 --> 01:14:17,525 working? you 1831 01:14:17,525 --> 01:14:21,165 - Know, you have, you have to make a conscious decision that 1832 01:14:21,165 --> 01:14:23,165 that work will be there when you get back. I 1833 01:14:23,165 --> 01:14:23,845 - Know. Mm-Hmm. . I know. 1834 01:14:23,905 --> 01:14:25,005 - Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. 1835 01:14:25,005 --> 01:14:28,205 Neither of us is good at that, but I'm good at making you do 1836 01:14:28,205 --> 01:14:29,885 it and I think you're good at making me do it. 1837 01:14:29,935 --> 01:14:31,525 We're just not good at making ourselves ourselves 1838 01:14:31,525 --> 01:14:32,525 - Do it. 1839 01:14:32,525 --> 01:14:34,365 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, you know, yeah. 1840 01:14:34,365 --> 01:14:37,045 That's kind of where, where I've been at. 1841 01:14:37,225 --> 01:14:39,485 Um, you know, my, 1842 01:14:39,905 --> 01:14:42,645 my my free time when I do get some downtime Yeah. 1843 01:14:42,645 --> 01:14:47,405 I sit in front of the TV and watch a few shows. Mm-Hmm. 1844 01:14:47,445 --> 01:14:48,965 - , we did finish Loki, 1845 01:14:49,265 --> 01:14:50,565 - We did season - Two of Loki. 1846 01:14:50,565 --> 01:14:53,645 That was, that was really good. I liked how that ended. Yep. 1847 01:14:54,205 --> 01:14:55,525 I mean, I, I won't say anything 1848 01:14:55,605 --> 01:14:56,805 'cause I don't want spoilers for anybody. 1849 01:14:56,805 --> 01:15:00,525 Mm-Hmm. But I did my, my, I think my baby girl side came out 1850 01:15:00,525 --> 01:15:02,485 because I had questions or I was very worried for him. 1851 01:15:02,485 --> 01:15:04,045 Like, it's a good ending. I like, 1852 01:15:04,045 --> 01:15:06,725 but I just like, I started thinking about, but, 1853 01:15:06,745 --> 01:15:07,845 but what about after? 1854 01:15:07,955 --> 01:15:09,925 What about after the cameras are off and, 1855 01:15:10,185 --> 01:15:12,645 and the world continues and I have questions 1856 01:15:12,985 --> 01:15:15,925 and, um, I won't pose those questions here. 1857 01:15:15,965 --> 01:15:17,365 I do not want spoilers for anybody. Yeah. 1858 01:15:17,365 --> 01:15:18,765 But it was really good. Mm-Hmm. 1859 01:15:18,865 --> 01:15:21,125 - It was, it was, um, - Yeah. 1860 01:15:21,225 --> 01:15:25,605 And I think Loki got a literal decade plus long character 1861 01:15:25,705 --> 01:15:28,005 arc that was satisfying to me in the end. 1862 01:15:28,005 --> 01:15:30,485 Oh yeah. The payoff was very satisfying. Yeah. So, 1863 01:15:31,585 --> 01:15:32,585 - Mm-Hmm. 1864 01:15:32,585 --> 01:15:33,405 - . Yeah. We did watch that. 1865 01:15:35,145 --> 01:15:37,805 So yeah. Yeah. 1866 01:15:38,545 --> 01:15:40,965 - And uh, on that note, we probably should go, 1867 01:15:41,315 --> 01:15:42,315 - Yeah. 1868 01:15:42,315 --> 01:15:43,325 I got stuff to do before I go do other stuff. 1869 01:15:43,485 --> 01:15:44,845 I, and then come home and do other stuff. 1870 01:15:45,085 --> 01:15:46,325 - I I have wood butter to make. 1871 01:15:47,185 --> 01:15:48,285 - Yes. I need wood butter. 1872 01:15:48,425 --> 01:15:50,085 That's what we put on our paddles . 1873 01:15:50,915 --> 01:15:52,605 It's not, it's not sexy or dirty 1874 01:15:52,625 --> 01:15:54,805 or kinky as No, it's a wood conditioner. 1875 01:15:55,005 --> 01:15:59,165 . Yep. Well, if you buy certain paddles from the kry, 1876 01:15:59,165 --> 01:16:01,125 you get a sample of them so that Mm-Hmm. 1877 01:16:01,185 --> 01:16:03,005 You can have it to take care of your paddle. 1878 01:16:03,225 --> 01:16:04,445 And then we sell full-size 1879 01:16:04,445 --> 01:16:05,645 ones if you run outta your sample. 1880 01:16:06,185 --> 01:16:10,245 Um, so, but I need that for the samples, . 1881 01:16:11,065 --> 01:16:14,645 - Yep. - So, and I got stuff to do too. Mm-Hmm. 1882 01:16:14,685 --> 01:16:16,485 . Um, thank y'all for being here, 1883 01:16:16,485 --> 01:16:17,685 especially to the bitter end y'all. 1884 01:16:17,695 --> 01:16:19,805 Especially to the bitter end. Yep, yep, yep. 1885 01:16:19,865 --> 01:16:23,485 Um, are happy to be back on, on YouTube and, 1886 01:16:23,505 --> 01:16:25,205 and be outta the corner and for YouTube 1887 01:16:25,205 --> 01:16:26,725 to have ungrounded us . 1888 01:16:26,735 --> 01:16:29,165 Thank you. YouTube. I guess even though you're the fuckers 1889 01:16:29,165 --> 01:16:31,725 who were the problem, but whatever, whatever. 1890 01:16:32,425 --> 01:16:35,085 Um, and yeah, uh, I don't know 1891 01:16:35,085 --> 01:16:37,285 what we'll talk about next week, but hopefully we'll be less 1892 01:16:37,285 --> 01:16:38,645 tired while we do it, . 1893 01:16:39,345 --> 01:16:40,525 - Yes. - Yep. 1894 01:16:40,545 --> 01:16:43,165 Uh, and we will, we'll see y'all next week, I guess. 1895 01:16:43,165 --> 01:16:45,045 Mm-Hmm, . Okay. Bye. Bye.