1 00:00:11,385 --> 00:00:14,965 You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode 3 72. Okay. 2 00:00:14,965 --> 00:00:18,445 The Lord's here with the one, the only the Are you caffeinated enough? 3 00:00:18,765 --> 00:00:19,598 I am. 4 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,125 I'm not John Brownstone. . 5 00:00:23,025 --> 00:00:26,485 You see the way we're we're I'm knocking shit down and getting, you know. 6 00:00:26,795 --> 00:00:29,565 Yeah. And I am clearly flailing. . 7 00:00:30,285 --> 00:00:31,118 . 8 00:00:32,055 --> 00:00:36,445 We're time travelers. So we're talking about a thing we recorded today, 9 00:00:36,585 --> 00:00:38,925 the day we're recording. You can, this, 10 00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:43,765 this recording occurred that you will not hear for several 11 00:00:43,765 --> 00:00:46,285 days after, after you can hear this. 12 00:00:46,985 --> 00:00:51,285 And it from my side was a hot ass mess. , 13 00:00:51,545 --> 00:00:54,285 you are like on it. You're like, I got thoughts. I got opinions. 14 00:00:54,365 --> 00:00:58,925 I got shit to say. And I'm over here going, what are words? I forgot this word. 15 00:00:59,205 --> 00:01:02,245 . You wanna know what the word was? What? Logistics. 16 00:01:02,785 --> 00:01:03,618 Um. 17 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:08,245 So a good word. If you listen to our shorter Monday episode, 18 00:01:08,595 --> 00:01:11,605 that'll come out a couple days after this one. Yep. And I get to, 19 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,485 we get to that part where I'm like, what's that word? What's that word? 20 00:01:13,585 --> 00:01:16,885 Oh my god. What's that word you already know? 'cause time traveling. Mm-Hmm. 21 00:01:16,925 --> 00:01:19,205 . Logistics. There you go. And actually, 22 00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:21,205 I think there's another word I wanted and I still can't think of it, 23 00:01:21,205 --> 00:01:24,525 but that's the closest one. . That is not at all what. 24 00:01:24,525 --> 00:01:28,605 We are talking about. . No, it's not sweet. Not at all. Not at all. 25 00:01:29,115 --> 00:01:30,365 This week. Um, 26 00:01:31,075 --> 00:01:34,725 because we just celebrated our wedding anniversary that we can confirm. 27 00:01:34,785 --> 00:01:36,205 We got married in 2017. 28 00:01:36,335 --> 00:01:39,245 There was a discussion about that in last week's bonus section. We. 29 00:01:39,245 --> 00:01:40,078 Couldn't remember . 30 00:01:41,065 --> 00:01:44,125 And we've known one another and been together for a decade, uh, 31 00:01:44,755 --> 00:01:49,685 this week that has on our mind to talk about how things have changed. Mm-Hmm. 32 00:01:49,725 --> 00:01:49,765 . 33 00:01:49,765 --> 00:01:52,925 We've done a couple of episodes like this over the past year or so, 34 00:01:53,225 --> 00:01:56,805 but this time we're gonna focus on the changes we see in each other. 35 00:01:56,985 --> 00:02:00,205 Not in ourselves, right? But like across the table here. Yep. 36 00:02:00,395 --> 00:02:00,925 Uhoh. 37 00:02:00,925 --> 00:02:01,425 I know. 38 00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:02,285 You're pointing fingers. 39 00:02:02,635 --> 00:02:03,965 This ought to get interesting. . 40 00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:04,998 . 41 00:02:05,355 --> 00:02:08,445 Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. This is your first time listening. 42 00:02:08,445 --> 00:02:10,525 Glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. 43 00:02:10,785 --> 00:02:14,085 Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in education. 44 00:02:14,115 --> 00:02:16,365 Show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 45 00:02:16,635 --> 00:02:19,765 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. 46 00:02:19,985 --> 00:02:23,965 You can also follow the show on Twitter X whatever its name is today at Loving 47 00:02:24,475 --> 00:02:25,605 BDSM on Fat Life. 48 00:02:25,605 --> 00:02:30,245 At loving BDSM PC on Instagram and threads at that hand. 49 00:02:30,405 --> 00:02:34,445 I will forever fucking hate because it's not our actual fucking name because 50 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:38,525 they banned that name and took it away from me. For anybody who's been confused, 51 00:02:38,865 --> 00:02:40,165 it pisses me off every time. 52 00:02:40,275 --> 00:02:41,645 Okay. Remember your blood pressure. 53 00:02:42,005 --> 00:02:43,485 . That's why I take blood pressure medicine. 54 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:44,065 . 55 00:02:44,065 --> 00:02:48,485 Follow us on Instagram or threads at Loving DSS and the number one 56 00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:51,005 at Loving DSS one. 57 00:02:51,425 --> 00:02:55,605 Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, where you can watch us live. 58 00:02:55,605 --> 00:02:58,565 Stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. 59 00:02:59,065 --> 00:03:01,445 Big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, 60 00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:03,045 including our newest peeps, uh, 61 00:03:03,145 --> 00:03:07,045 we are able to keep being weirdos on the internet with microphones because of 62 00:03:07,045 --> 00:03:09,725 our kinky patrons and our overall kinky community. 63 00:03:09,725 --> 00:03:11,805 And we are grateful for every fucking one of you. 64 00:03:12,105 --> 00:03:15,365 If you'd like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content and a 65 00:03:15,405 --> 00:03:18,925 Discords server with a group of super cool, super nice, 66 00:03:19,615 --> 00:03:24,125 often snarky and sarcastic kink stars, , uh, you can do that . 67 00:03:24,675 --> 00:03:27,325 Just join us at patreon.com/kayla lords. 68 00:03:27,325 --> 00:03:32,325 That's patreon.com/kayla lords, or use the link in the show notes. Okay. 69 00:03:32,465 --> 00:03:37,205 So before we get into the topic, uh, we do have a bit of an announcement. Yeah. 70 00:03:37,335 --> 00:03:41,085 We're making it later than we have in previous times. So I don't, 71 00:03:41,165 --> 00:03:43,605 I can't imagine anybody traveling from out of town for this. 72 00:03:43,945 --> 00:03:47,405 But if you are in Florida near Orlando, 73 00:03:47,545 --> 00:03:51,085 or can get to Orlando and want to, uh, 74 00:03:51,225 --> 00:03:54,245 we will be at the woodshed on November 18th, uh, 75 00:03:54,345 --> 00:03:57,125 for their Kinky vendor show thing that they do. 76 00:03:57,495 --> 00:04:01,645 We'll be there as the Ry selling our wares. Mm-Hmm. . 77 00:04:02,585 --> 00:04:05,205 And not that if, you know, telling you about this. 78 00:04:05,225 --> 00:04:08,925 We don't say it for you to come shop from us, but if you are can get to Orlando, 79 00:04:08,925 --> 00:04:13,125 wanna be in Orlando at that time, you can come by and just say hi to us. Yeah. 80 00:04:13,385 --> 00:04:18,325 Um, it gets chaotic and goofy there too. It does. So, you know, on brand, uh. 81 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,925 And, um, entrance to the woodshed is free for that event. 82 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:26,485 Yeah. The event's from 3:00 PM to 7:00 PM before party time starts, 83 00:04:26,485 --> 00:04:30,325 playtime starts. Mm-Hmm. . So if you are even just in Florida, 84 00:04:30,425 --> 00:04:31,765 and like, I wonder what a, 85 00:04:31,865 --> 00:04:35,125 the inside of a dungeon looks like and you wanna do it in a kind of a pressure 86 00:04:35,155 --> 00:04:38,245 free way, this is a great opportunity. 'cause all the lights are up. 87 00:04:38,275 --> 00:04:43,045 It's filled with tables and people with kinky and non kinky shit alike. Um, 88 00:04:43,585 --> 00:04:44,725 but yeah, it's free to get in. 89 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:49,485 If you were to come and then decide to stay for the, the dungeon itself opening, 90 00:04:49,485 --> 00:04:52,685 well then you have to pay admission. But, um, so yeah, 91 00:04:53,165 --> 00:04:56,885 November 18th in Orlando at the woodshed from three to seven, we'll be there. 92 00:04:57,235 --> 00:05:02,125 It's very exciting. Mm-Hmm. . Um, okay. Okay. 93 00:05:02,355 --> 00:05:05,645 It's time to get in to whatever the hell this is. . 94 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,485 Madness, chaos. Insanity. 95 00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:14,525 You know, so I have this good or bad, I don't know, habit. Mm-Hmm. 96 00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,885 of when we decide on a topic, 97 00:05:17,395 --> 00:05:21,285 when I have thoughts and feelings on it, I start to think a lot about it. 98 00:05:21,285 --> 00:05:21,765 Mm-Hmm. . 99 00:05:21,765 --> 00:05:26,645 And of course I have conversations with myself 'cause I talk to myself, uh, 100 00:05:26,965 --> 00:05:31,485 a lot. And then when I get here, my brain goes, well, 101 00:05:31,485 --> 00:05:33,645 you've already talked about that. So I don't think I have anything to say. 102 00:05:33,705 --> 00:05:37,245 So all the things I've talked, all the great points I was making to just me, 103 00:05:37,245 --> 00:05:39,845 myself, and I are gone and out the window. 104 00:05:39,865 --> 00:05:42,725 And so that's why sometimes I draw a blank in this one. I, 105 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:45,045 I had the idea 'cause I suggested it to you. 106 00:05:45,925 --> 00:05:49,045 'cause I was thinking about it as a concept. Mm-Hmm. . 107 00:05:49,045 --> 00:05:51,845 But I then wouldn't let myself think about it too hard. 108 00:05:52,045 --> 00:05:53,485 'cause I didn't wanna forget anything. 109 00:05:53,825 --> 00:05:58,365 But also it means now while we're here and we're ready to do the thing, 110 00:05:58,785 --> 00:06:00,245 I'm a little bit like, ah. 111 00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,325 Yeah, I know , I'm, I'm with you on that. I'm, 112 00:06:03,345 --> 00:06:04,365 I'm kind of with you on that. 113 00:06:05,105 --> 00:06:09,285 We have definitely noticed changes in each other when we did episodes similar to 114 00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:13,885 this, about 40 episodes ago, so not quite a year ago, but close. 115 00:06:14,425 --> 00:06:17,765 We talked about how we've evolved in kink. 116 00:06:17,975 --> 00:06:22,165 We've talked about things that we've learned over all this time. 117 00:06:22,945 --> 00:06:27,805 Um, and I'm sure we've talked about how we have as individuals know that we have 118 00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,245 changed. But this is more about, 119 00:06:29,745 --> 00:06:33,125 and the reason I think it came to me on our wedding anniversary, um, 120 00:06:33,905 --> 00:06:36,445 was because there's an, it, 121 00:06:36,665 --> 00:06:38,965 it hits me at different times and in different ways, 122 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:44,205 kinky and non kinky of realizing that you have grown and you have 123 00:06:44,205 --> 00:06:47,565 changed and, and that you are the same person. 124 00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:50,765 I met all those years ago. Mm-Hmm. . 125 00:06:50,765 --> 00:06:53,525 But also that you were not, that there are parts, 126 00:06:54,025 --> 00:06:56,245 things you used to do that you would not do now. 127 00:06:56,915 --> 00:06:59,485 Ways you used to be that you would not be now. 128 00:07:00,105 --> 00:07:03,965 And while I think some of the things we might point out about each other will 129 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:07,125 not necessarily be kinky, I think a lot of it might be quite vanilla. 130 00:07:07,765 --> 00:07:12,565 I think this conversation is important because I, you know, 131 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:16,085 if you have to have the intellectual conversation with somebody about how you 132 00:07:16,085 --> 00:07:19,525 change and grow over the years, I think all of us would go. Yeah, absolutely. 133 00:07:19,945 --> 00:07:22,405 But I think for some, I know I'm one of these people, 134 00:07:22,905 --> 00:07:26,005 it can still come as kind of a surprise. Like, yes, 135 00:07:26,005 --> 00:07:28,485 you're the person you were 10 years ago, but also no. 136 00:07:28,725 --> 00:07:32,045 'cause you've been through some shit. Yeah. You've learned, you've grown, 137 00:07:32,375 --> 00:07:37,205 we've had serious arguments or we had to rethink our position on things. 138 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:42,205 . Um, and so I just think it's important to sort of acknowledge that, 139 00:07:42,265 --> 00:07:44,565 you know, there are a lot of relationships. 140 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:48,965 Usually the ones that fail that you're together for some amount of time and then 141 00:07:48,965 --> 00:07:51,485 you look back and you don't recognize yourself or the other person. 142 00:07:52,025 --> 00:07:53,525 And part of it's 'cause you've grown apart, 143 00:07:53,755 --> 00:07:57,325 part of it's because maybe you're surprised that the you, 144 00:07:57,325 --> 00:07:59,365 both of you would be changing over time. Mm-Hmm. 145 00:07:59,405 --> 00:08:02,005 and not necessarily changing, you know, 146 00:08:02,745 --> 00:08:06,765 by staying on the together on the same path. And so I just, you know, 147 00:08:06,965 --> 00:08:11,005 it was on my mind. Um, I don't know how kinky this will be. 148 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:14,605 I think it really will be quite non kinky. Um, 149 00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:16,125 but I just kind of wanna have the conversation. 150 00:08:16,285 --> 00:08:18,285 'cause one I find it interesting and two, 151 00:08:18,985 --> 00:08:22,085 as sort of a reminder to anybody that ideally Yeah. 152 00:08:22,145 --> 00:08:25,605 The person that you get into a relationship with today, 153 00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:29,125 they'll basically be who they are, hopefully 10 years from now, 154 00:08:29,145 --> 00:08:32,805 but they also won't Mm-Hmm. , like the fundamental parts of them, 155 00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:36,685 the things that you loved about them or that you cared about or that drew to 156 00:08:36,685 --> 00:08:36,985 them. 157 00:08:36,985 --> 00:08:38,045 The core of who the person is. 158 00:08:38,065 --> 00:08:41,485 The core probably won't change much other than to maybe adapt and grow and 159 00:08:41,485 --> 00:08:43,965 learn. Mm-Hmm. . Um, but I think some things will change. 160 00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:48,685 So let's, I guess maybe a back and forth. I don't know. 161 00:08:48,805 --> 00:08:51,885 I guess this will devolve into chaos soon. We have. Yeah. Yeah. Um, 162 00:08:52,145 --> 00:08:54,405 do you wanna go first? Sure. Okay. Sure. 163 00:08:54,585 --> 00:08:55,405 I'm afraid. I, 164 00:08:55,405 --> 00:09:00,205 I I I think one way that we have both changed is we've increased some girth. 165 00:09:01,085 --> 00:09:01,835 . Oh Lord. 166 00:09:01,835 --> 00:09:06,405 It's, I looked back at pictures and video and I'm like, yeah, 167 00:09:06,705 --> 00:09:09,045 why did I ever think I was fat? But I've been doing that. 168 00:09:09,245 --> 00:09:13,365 I I did that when I looked back at my, like, pictures from when I was a kid. 169 00:09:13,365 --> 00:09:15,645 Mm-Hmm. . I was like, I would love to be fat like that. 170 00:09:15,825 --> 00:09:18,165 Now. Yeah. Yeah. But, but anyway, that I. 171 00:09:18,465 --> 00:09:21,565 So this is about how the changes you've seen in me. Please. 172 00:09:21,565 --> 00:09:22,398 Don't. I know. 173 00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:23,525 Yes, I know. Gateway weight. 174 00:09:23,545 --> 00:09:25,445 You don't have to deal with that was, that was meant to be as a. 175 00:09:25,905 --> 00:09:27,365 You're right, though. You're right. Yeah. 176 00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:31,165 But, um, anyway, I, you know, one of the, 177 00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:36,085 I think biggest changes that I find almost kind of amusing. 178 00:09:37,385 --> 00:09:41,485 Um, I remember back in the day when we were, um, 179 00:09:43,225 --> 00:09:46,965 you know, first started doing the podcast together a lot. And, uh, 180 00:09:47,705 --> 00:09:52,285 you were very emphatic that, you know, 181 00:09:52,545 --> 00:09:55,525 no one better be coming onto me or messing me. 182 00:09:55,645 --> 00:09:59,885 'cause you'll cut a bitch , you'll cut a bitch if they I'll, 183 00:10:00,065 --> 00:10:01,445 if they mess with me, you know, mess. 184 00:10:01,445 --> 00:10:04,085 With my daddy, I'll cut a bitch. I still kind of will. But. 185 00:10:04,085 --> 00:10:06,045 That's, and, and you still kind of will, but it. 186 00:10:06,525 --> 00:10:08,005 I really won't. Y'all come on now. Y'all know me. 187 00:10:08,555 --> 00:10:10,445 That, that has, that has, um. 188 00:10:10,555 --> 00:10:11,388 I've mellowed. 189 00:10:11,425 --> 00:10:14,885 You. You have, you know, you, you have Mm-Hmm. and, uh, you know. 190 00:10:14,885 --> 00:10:15,165 Yeah. I. 191 00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:16,725 Haven't even thought those words in. 192 00:10:17,035 --> 00:10:18,565 Ages. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and, and, 193 00:10:18,625 --> 00:10:22,525 and you've even been more along the lines of, you know, oh, 194 00:10:22,525 --> 00:10:25,645 you want to do those things. I have no interest. Go find somebody. Please go. 195 00:10:25,645 --> 00:10:26,565 Find somebody to do that. 196 00:10:26,635 --> 00:10:27,605 With you, . 197 00:10:27,605 --> 00:10:31,405 Yeah. Take the pressure off me, which it's not pressure you put on me, 198 00:10:31,405 --> 00:10:33,005 but pressure I put on myself. Right. 199 00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:36,965 You know. But, um, I mean, that, that has been. 200 00:10:37,565 --> 00:10:42,245 I was possessive and I think it came from a certain lack of 201 00:10:42,605 --> 00:10:46,965 security. Not in you. Mm-Hmm. . But in me. Like, I, 202 00:10:47,205 --> 00:10:51,165 I don't think I felt secure enough in who, in my place in your life. 203 00:10:51,915 --> 00:10:54,365 Even though at the, if somebody had asked me at the time, I'd been like, 204 00:10:54,365 --> 00:10:57,445 of course. Because we were all in on one another. Mm-Hmm. 205 00:10:57,485 --> 00:10:58,925 Even at that, definitely at that point, 206 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:03,405 we were living together at that point. But it didn't have yet have that like, 207 00:11:03,675 --> 00:11:06,325 comfortable lived in feeling of just, 208 00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:08,885 we hadn't quite had enough time to, 209 00:11:09,025 --> 00:11:12,925 to go through all of the shit together and like true. 210 00:11:13,785 --> 00:11:14,965 Be together. We also, 211 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:20,045 I understood that you were Polly in general, like Mm-Hmm. 212 00:11:20,085 --> 00:11:23,285 certainly open to non-monogamy in some way. And I, 213 00:11:24,775 --> 00:11:27,685 prior to the moment, I kind of decided I was, I, I mean, 214 00:11:27,765 --> 00:11:31,405 I would've told anybody who asked hell fucking no. No fucking way. Right. 215 00:11:31,515 --> 00:11:34,205 This couldn't possibly happen. Um, 216 00:11:35,785 --> 00:11:38,045 and probably with a lot of partners I had in the past, it couldn't have, 217 00:11:38,445 --> 00:11:42,885 I just couldn't have done it . Um, but with you, I could, 218 00:11:42,985 --> 00:11:46,485 it took a while to get there. Um, I do still like, 219 00:11:46,865 --> 00:11:51,845 the way I feel like where my hackles rise and maybe that side of me 220 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:56,805 could come out of all cut of bitch these days is not a possessiveness or 221 00:11:56,965 --> 00:11:59,525 a get away from my daddy kind of vibe. Mm-Hmm. . 222 00:11:59,675 --> 00:12:01,845 It's more of a don't fuck with my daddy. Like, 223 00:12:01,905 --> 00:12:06,525 do not think you're gonna come up here and try to manipulate or be an ass or 224 00:12:06,795 --> 00:12:10,765 Yeah. Treat my daddy other than like the fucking king that he is. 225 00:12:11,265 --> 00:12:14,725 You can get outta my goddamn space. . I'll cut a into that. 226 00:12:15,425 --> 00:12:19,925 But whether they're like making eyes at you and, you know Mm-Hmm. I do, I do. 227 00:12:19,925 --> 00:12:20,758 Would to, 228 00:12:20,845 --> 00:12:25,725 I would say I would still give some side eye to somebody who just rocked up and 229 00:12:25,725 --> 00:12:28,965 thought that all they had to do was bat some eyelashes at you and like, 230 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:34,365 you would just fall for whatever their, their wilds might be. Masculine, 231 00:12:34,765 --> 00:12:39,525 feminine, non, you know, other Mm-Hmm. . I don't, I don't, 232 00:12:40,045 --> 00:12:41,205 I still don't like that vibe. 233 00:12:41,235 --> 00:12:44,805 Like you have plenty of people who just slide into dms in that kind of gross 234 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:48,165 way. Yeah. Um, I don't like that, but, 'cause it's a gross way. 235 00:12:48,405 --> 00:12:50,965 'cause it's not a let's, let's talk, 236 00:12:51,025 --> 00:12:53,005 let me acknowledge that you're a fellow human being, 237 00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,685 but that's just a completely different vibe than the one I used to have. 238 00:12:55,965 --> 00:13:00,205 . Yeah. It's a completely different vibe. That is true. Um, 239 00:13:00,745 --> 00:13:02,925 so the, I I've been thinking, 240 00:13:03,005 --> 00:13:06,005 I have been thinking about this even though I wouldn't let myself have 241 00:13:06,005 --> 00:13:08,525 conversations with myself, so I didn't forget things. 242 00:13:08,805 --> 00:13:12,445 one of the ones that came to mind very easily. 243 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:17,565 And I feel like it's kind of half funny, 244 00:13:17,825 --> 00:13:19,165 but it's mostly not. 245 00:13:19,385 --> 00:13:23,805 And I feel like I did you a disservice for 246 00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:28,445 a time. We used to joke even on this podcast, 247 00:13:28,865 --> 00:13:32,085 but certainly in the family with the kids and everything, 248 00:13:32,355 --> 00:13:36,685 that you were the only mentally well one among us, 249 00:13:37,085 --> 00:13:41,925 and what must that be like ? Well, 250 00:13:41,925 --> 00:13:44,165 for a long time I was, well, and you know, 251 00:13:46,475 --> 00:13:51,175 you are definitely a person who your mental health was, I don't know, 252 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:56,295 disrupted, I don't know what the right word is, um, with life circumstances. 253 00:13:56,555 --> 00:13:58,655 But you also, and I was not unaware. 254 00:13:58,955 --> 00:14:02,695 You and I had talked not infrequently, like enough, 255 00:14:02,725 --> 00:14:06,495 like I understood you'd gone through trauma and I'd understood that you'd had 256 00:14:06,495 --> 00:14:11,255 some shit things happen to you that clearly impacted you. 257 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:17,135 But because outwardly you seemed to handle things so 258 00:14:17,165 --> 00:14:21,775 well, I just kind of went, oh, he's mentally healthy. 259 00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:24,735 And you know, to a certain extent you were Mm-Hmm. . 260 00:14:24,735 --> 00:14:29,535 But there was always the stuff you had gone through that probably needed to be 261 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:33,495 dealt with. Yeah. . And we, 262 00:14:33,715 --> 00:14:36,375 we met each other when we were in a flow of life. Right. 263 00:14:36,395 --> 00:14:40,015 The first few years with each other. We were in the flow of life. Now, 264 00:14:40,175 --> 00:14:44,495 the past few years have been the ebb of ebb and flow and absolutely , 265 00:14:44,625 --> 00:14:49,615 we've gone through together more stress than we'd we ever have before. Correct. 266 00:14:50,035 --> 00:14:54,885 You've had to face some things about family and childhood and stuff. 267 00:14:55,435 --> 00:15:00,285 Yeah. And I now would never make the joke that you're the only mentally stable 268 00:15:00,755 --> 00:15:04,405 Well, on . Yeah. I mean, I remember making the joke. 269 00:15:04,405 --> 00:15:07,765 What's it like to be mentally healthy? Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. I would, 270 00:15:08,845 --> 00:15:10,525 I would never make that joke. Now. 271 00:15:11,065 --> 00:15:15,845 Not that you were like unwell in like a, a negative way or a dangerous way, 272 00:15:15,865 --> 00:15:20,405 but just that you've gone through some shit and 273 00:15:20,655 --> 00:15:24,685 while you are seem to be kind of coming out of the other side of some of that 274 00:15:24,685 --> 00:15:26,725 right now. Yeah. That stuff is always. 275 00:15:26,895 --> 00:15:28,285 Gonna be there. Gotta. 276 00:15:28,365 --> 00:15:28,885 Be part of who. 277 00:15:28,885 --> 00:15:31,725 You are. Um, you know, it's, it's funny because, you know Yeah. 278 00:15:31,745 --> 00:15:36,205 You talk about how, and, and even I was kind of like, 279 00:15:36,625 --> 00:15:39,525 you know Yeah. I'm, I am the mentally only one that you know well. 280 00:15:39,725 --> 00:15:40,845 Compared to the rest of us, you. 281 00:15:40,845 --> 00:15:45,485 Work and, and you know, now, um, with, with the way things have been, 282 00:15:46,225 --> 00:15:50,965 um, I realized I, I probably in my own way, um, 283 00:15:51,265 --> 00:15:52,098 for a very, 284 00:15:52,115 --> 00:15:56,485 very long time have masked a lot of things myself. 285 00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:57,965 Oh yeah. Okay. 286 00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:02,365 Do you think some of that is because it was sort of the expectation you're a 287 00:16:02,365 --> 00:16:05,165 cisgender man in a patriarchal society. 288 00:16:05,285 --> 00:16:10,285 There's like this definitional idea of what it means to quote be a man. 289 00:16:10,285 --> 00:16:14,285 Especially in your age group. No, I, I don't, I don't think it was that. Um, I, 290 00:16:14,565 --> 00:16:19,165 I and I I have been giving this some thought, uh, recently. 291 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,205 I think it was more of, um, 292 00:16:21,665 --> 00:16:25,245 of a coping mechanism to be able to function. Sure. 293 00:16:26,035 --> 00:16:26,868 Sure. 294 00:16:26,905 --> 00:16:31,525 You know, and, um, it served me well for many, many years. 295 00:16:31,905 --> 00:16:36,645 Coping mechanisms, they are created as a way to keep you safe. And it's, 296 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:37,125 you know, 297 00:16:37,125 --> 00:16:41,125 things are changing when those same coping mechanisms don't work anymore. 298 00:16:41,325 --> 00:16:42,045 'cause they don't Yeah. 299 00:16:42,045 --> 00:16:45,085 Just because they protected you at one point in life doesn't mean Mm-Hmm. 300 00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:49,005 they will always work that way. And that Yes. Can be a source of, 301 00:16:49,545 --> 00:16:51,245 of strife and distress for sure. 302 00:16:51,315 --> 00:16:54,285 Yeah. And, um, you know, yeah. When, 303 00:16:54,285 --> 00:16:58,125 when certain things were happening started happening in, 304 00:16:58,125 --> 00:17:02,845 in my life and, um, yeah. It it stripped all that shit. 305 00:17:02,845 --> 00:17:03,805 Bare . 306 00:17:04,145 --> 00:17:06,165 Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . 307 00:17:07,265 --> 00:17:10,405 And, um, yeah, I'm, I'm at a point, 308 00:17:10,625 --> 00:17:13,525 I'm trying to re-figure out who I am and. 309 00:17:14,285 --> 00:17:15,025 . Yeah. 310 00:17:15,025 --> 00:17:18,925 And that is not that you haven't had enough time for us to have any sort of 311 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,885 in-depth conversation about that. No, but it has been. 312 00:17:21,905 --> 00:17:24,285 And it, and it's kind of scary too at my age. 313 00:17:25,185 --> 00:17:29,445 But it just goes back to what you say more often than I ever say is we're all, 314 00:17:29,445 --> 00:17:30,645 everything is constantly changing. 315 00:17:30,785 --> 00:17:33,805 And that that is true and that includes you and that that is absolutely true. 316 00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:36,245 And yet you are still who you are at the core. 317 00:17:36,795 --> 00:17:40,205 It's more of a how you interact with the world and maybe even how you see things 318 00:17:40,585 --> 00:17:44,925 and how you react to things. Yeah. You know, and I don't think, 319 00:17:45,585 --> 00:17:47,605 you know, I think the, the 320 00:17:49,305 --> 00:17:51,445 not bad thing has been that while you, 321 00:17:51,495 --> 00:17:52,845 we've gone through some tough times Mm-Hmm. 322 00:17:52,885 --> 00:17:55,165 and there've been arguments and there's been stress and strife 323 00:17:55,225 --> 00:17:58,845 and, you know, that whole, who the fuck am I now kind of thing. Yeah. 324 00:17:59,185 --> 00:18:03,045 The core of who you are is the core of who you are. And that has not changed. 325 00:18:03,265 --> 00:18:06,805 You might struggle with some things and you might have to, you know, 326 00:18:07,145 --> 00:18:11,805 decide who's worth that inner gooey core of yours. Mm-Hmm. 327 00:18:11,845 --> 00:18:15,125 that's mostly, you know, a very, very nice human being, 328 00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:17,165 kinder than I sure should am. 329 00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:20,445 And, and I, and, and that is something that, that I have been, 330 00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,725 been coming out of all this, um, 331 00:18:23,445 --> 00:18:28,085 I have been realizing there are people who are not worth my time. 332 00:18:28,465 --> 00:18:28,925 Mm-Hmm. 333 00:18:28,925 --> 00:18:31,605 and then actually following through that. Yeah. 334 00:18:31,605 --> 00:18:35,325 Because it's easy to, it's not easy, but there, it's easier to go. Yeah. 335 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,565 I don't think you're worth it much harder to actually. 336 00:18:37,865 --> 00:18:38,675 Do it. 337 00:18:38,675 --> 00:18:40,085 Yeah. That's where a lot of people struggle. 338 00:18:40,225 --> 00:18:43,925 And, um, you know, yeah. It's, um, 339 00:18:46,555 --> 00:18:50,605 yeah. The last, the last few years have been very tough for me. Mm-Hmm. 340 00:18:50,645 --> 00:18:54,645 . And now the last couple months, I'm finally 341 00:18:56,325 --> 00:18:58,805 starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Mm-Hmm. . 342 00:18:59,025 --> 00:19:01,245 And it's not a fricking train. I. 343 00:19:01,245 --> 00:19:04,405 Know. I mean, part of that is some, some parts of our lives have calmed down, 344 00:19:04,995 --> 00:19:08,365 some things have improved. Not Mm-Hmm. as much as we might like. 345 00:19:08,945 --> 00:19:11,445 Um, but I really think it's maybe even just adaptability, 346 00:19:11,795 --> 00:19:15,605 like after a while of so much chaos, it's, 347 00:19:15,705 --> 00:19:18,605 you stop even clocking it as chaos. You're like, this is just normal now. 348 00:19:18,745 --> 00:19:20,805 Mm-Hmm. . Um, and you've Yeah. 349 00:19:20,805 --> 00:19:24,525 You've learned how to adapt to some things. Okay. 350 00:19:24,765 --> 00:19:28,685 I did not know we would get this deep, this fast. So here we are, . Okay. 351 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:29,668 Your turn. 352 00:19:29,785 --> 00:19:30,385 My turn. 353 00:19:30,385 --> 00:19:31,218 Oh God. 354 00:19:31,915 --> 00:19:36,845 Okay. Um, I, I would have to say one, one thing I have noticed, um, about you, 355 00:19:37,585 --> 00:19:42,085 uh, over the years is you have become 356 00:19:43,355 --> 00:19:47,925 much more confident in your submission. 357 00:19:48,465 --> 00:19:52,445 Mm. And, and who you are as a submissive Mm-Hmm. and, 358 00:19:52,505 --> 00:19:56,525 and a baby girl, uh, than you were when we first met. 359 00:19:57,105 --> 00:19:59,525 Oh, yeah. I was still kind of new when we first met. Mm-Hmm. . 360 00:19:59,525 --> 00:20:01,645 Like, I, yeah. I mean, I, 361 00:20:01,965 --> 00:20:05,925 I vividly remember like denying the baby girl side, 362 00:20:07,265 --> 00:20:08,205 the submissive side. 363 00:20:08,245 --> 00:20:10,845 I was just trying to figure out who the fuck I was as a submissive. Yeah. 364 00:20:11,025 --> 00:20:14,285 And it was harder because when you and I met, 365 00:20:14,545 --> 00:20:18,965 I'd had a relationship and tried to be a certain kind of submissive that what we 366 00:20:18,965 --> 00:20:22,125 now know 10 years later is I'm capable of for about five minutes. Right. 367 00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:23,525 . And then I need a break from that. 368 00:20:23,595 --> 00:20:26,325 That was too much like effort and work, um, 369 00:20:29,765 --> 00:20:31,085 . Look, 370 00:20:31,365 --> 00:20:35,765 I can be disciplined and come across 371 00:20:36,345 --> 00:20:41,045 as meek and mild for about five minutes. Yeah. 372 00:20:41,765 --> 00:20:44,165 , uh, that's not a muscle. I exercise very often. 373 00:20:44,275 --> 00:20:49,245 I've got too much shit to say for all that. Um, but we, you and I also entered, 374 00:20:49,955 --> 00:20:52,125 even though it started out as a platonic thing, 375 00:20:52,145 --> 00:20:55,685 and then eventually morphed into something more romantic and sexual, 376 00:20:56,225 --> 00:21:00,525 we started off our power exchange with an idea of who we thought we were. 377 00:21:00,545 --> 00:21:02,325 Mm-Hmm. individually as kinks, 378 00:21:02,585 --> 00:21:04,645 and then who we thought that meant that we would be together. 379 00:21:05,785 --> 00:21:07,725 And I think for me, 380 00:21:08,795 --> 00:21:12,765 that ability to own who I am started 381 00:21:13,515 --> 00:21:18,325 when we figured out what our dynamic really looks like. True. And then, and, 382 00:21:18,545 --> 00:21:22,125 you know, I became baby girl and you became daddy and you know, 383 00:21:22,125 --> 00:21:25,485 then we had to kind of navigate that and figure out what the hell that actually 384 00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:26,765 meant. Right? Yeah. 385 00:21:26,765 --> 00:21:31,765 But the longer we've done that and stayed a safe person for 386 00:21:31,765 --> 00:21:32,598 the other two, 387 00:21:32,745 --> 00:21:36,765 either reject certain ideas or embrace or try something new or whatever. Mm-Hmm. 388 00:21:36,805 --> 00:21:40,205 is really easy to be more confident. 389 00:21:40,605 --> 00:21:43,325 I think time has a lot, 390 00:21:43,605 --> 00:21:47,565 a big role to play in that the longer you do something and it doesn't blow up in 391 00:21:47,565 --> 00:21:50,165 your face, you know, the more confident you can become. Yeah. 392 00:21:50,365 --> 00:21:53,565 I think you and I also have the added benefit that we literally talk about this 393 00:21:54,385 --> 00:21:57,525 as our job . Like true, true, true, true. 394 00:21:57,845 --> 00:22:00,045 I tried to tell myself I didn't have a special interest, 395 00:22:00,045 --> 00:22:01,725 and then I realized , 396 00:22:02,715 --> 00:22:06,085 that I made my life revolve around sex and kink. And I went, oh, 397 00:22:06,205 --> 00:22:10,605 I guess I found my special interest . Um, so, 398 00:22:11,425 --> 00:22:15,965 you know, having to sort of embody the best parts of yourself Mm-Hmm. 399 00:22:16,005 --> 00:22:21,005 professionally and then also admit the not so great parts as like, 400 00:22:21,235 --> 00:22:25,285 here, learn from me, do better than me. Kinda life lesson kind of stuff. Mm-Hmm. 401 00:22:25,325 --> 00:22:29,925 , you know, I think it's a little bit inev inevitable. There'll be, 402 00:22:30,185 --> 00:22:33,445 um, a certain growth in confidence. 403 00:22:34,145 --> 00:22:38,565 But the other thing that I think is true, at least for me, 404 00:22:39,505 --> 00:22:44,045 is that you have consistently been who you are. Even through our worst times, 405 00:22:44,045 --> 00:22:47,725 even when like shit has hit the fan and you're looking at me going, 406 00:22:47,725 --> 00:22:51,125 the last thing I can fucking do to you today is dominate you . 407 00:22:51,475 --> 00:22:55,005 I've gotta go into a dark room and scream instead. Right. 408 00:22:55,825 --> 00:22:59,445 But you've always allowed me to be exactly who I am. 409 00:23:00,235 --> 00:23:03,205 Sometimes who I am in the moment, uh, 410 00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:06,965 is a little rough around the edges and rubs you a little raw and, 411 00:23:07,065 --> 00:23:10,765 you know, big D steps in and it's like, whoa, whoa. Chill the fuck out. 412 00:23:10,955 --> 00:23:11,965 Back the fuck down. Mm-Hmm. . 413 00:23:11,965 --> 00:23:14,925 But you've never asked me to just not be myself. No. 414 00:23:14,985 --> 00:23:17,165 You might say now is not the time, 415 00:23:17,345 --> 00:23:20,285 or I do not have the patience for this right now. Absolutely. 416 00:23:20,465 --> 00:23:23,245 But you've allowed me to be exactly who the fuck I am, 417 00:23:23,245 --> 00:23:25,525 even when I'm trying to figure out who the fuck that is, right? Mm-Hmm. 418 00:23:25,565 --> 00:23:29,845 like, yeah. Um, and so then I can, there's no, 419 00:23:30,045 --> 00:23:33,765 I don't have that sense of, and not everybody experiences this, 420 00:23:34,025 --> 00:23:35,965 and they certainly, not all the time, 421 00:23:36,305 --> 00:23:39,725 but sometimes there can be this sort of sense of shame or even, 422 00:23:39,825 --> 00:23:43,685 or guilt or just yucky feelings when you go, I told my partner, 423 00:23:43,745 --> 00:23:44,765 or I told this person, 424 00:23:44,825 --> 00:23:49,445 or I told myself I was this person and this is what I did and, and who I was. 425 00:23:49,545 --> 00:23:53,605 And then like, you try that and you go, oh wait, I don't wanna do that anymore. 426 00:23:53,755 --> 00:23:54,805 It's not who I am anymore. 427 00:23:55,145 --> 00:23:59,405 And it can be difficult to admit that you've changed your mind or that thing you 428 00:23:59,405 --> 00:24:03,245 were really confident Mm-Hmm. you were gonna do you, you know, 429 00:24:03,345 --> 00:24:07,045 you don't want to do is not right for you. And I don't with you, 430 00:24:07,245 --> 00:24:10,045 I don't have that. If we talk about a thing, 431 00:24:10,465 --> 00:24:15,165 and it could be as innocuous as I'm gonna start doing this thing online, 432 00:24:15,425 --> 00:24:18,205 I'm gonna post this, I'm gonna, it could be that small too. 433 00:24:18,515 --> 00:24:22,885 This is who I am as a submissive, right? Mm-Hmm. . 434 00:24:22,885 --> 00:24:27,605 This is who I am as a mother. Right. I can pivot 435 00:24:29,465 --> 00:24:34,045 at any point and you don't judge me. You might have questions, , 436 00:24:34,045 --> 00:24:36,005 you might be like, have you thought this through ? 437 00:24:36,585 --> 00:24:41,285 But so far I have not found the, the thing where I can go, oh, 438 00:24:41,635 --> 00:24:43,765 yeah, I'm not gonna do that anymore. I tried it, it didn't work. 439 00:24:43,785 --> 00:24:48,205 Or whatever were you having gone. Okay. Okay. So I'm, it's, 440 00:24:48,345 --> 00:24:51,125 I'm safe to like, evolve, you know? Mm-Hmm. . 441 00:24:51,165 --> 00:24:54,045 I don't have to apologize, you know, 442 00:24:54,585 --> 00:24:58,725 to you for somehow feeling like I have failed at something or that, you know, 443 00:25:00,215 --> 00:25:03,725 thankfully the, the evolution and then the changes have not been, 444 00:25:03,885 --> 00:25:05,245 I don't want to be your submissive anymore. 445 00:25:05,275 --> 00:25:09,445 That would be a much bigger fucking deal. Right? Yeah. Um, . 446 00:25:10,435 --> 00:25:11,325 What, what, what, what. 447 00:25:11,375 --> 00:25:15,925 Right. It's, you know, it's been real small, subtle things, you know, 448 00:25:16,795 --> 00:25:20,525 it's, and, and some of it's not even been something we've consciously discussed. 449 00:25:20,885 --> 00:25:25,325 I have, let's be real, become much sassier over time. . 450 00:25:25,905 --> 00:25:30,165 Yes. That, with, with, and, and that, 451 00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:34,805 that is something I believe is, is all part of that, you know? 452 00:25:35,265 --> 00:25:39,965 Yes. You have grown in your confidence as, as a submissive Mm-Hmm. 453 00:25:40,005 --> 00:25:43,565 . Um, and I think because of 454 00:25:46,305 --> 00:25:49,245 the, the comfort you have with me, 455 00:25:49,985 --> 00:25:54,245 you have allowed yourself to be more vulnerable 456 00:25:55,475 --> 00:25:57,605 with me. Mm-Hmm. . And that in turn 457 00:25:59,145 --> 00:26:01,405 has led to the, 458 00:26:01,585 --> 00:26:04,365 the SaaS growing exponentially. 459 00:26:04,545 --> 00:26:07,685 It, that is absolutely a safety thing because I, I am sure, 460 00:26:08,565 --> 00:26:12,685 I am sure I think back to baby me, like, not like infant, 461 00:26:12,685 --> 00:26:14,285 but like little me. Mm-Hmm. 462 00:26:14,325 --> 00:26:17,525 like me before I understood the world outside of my house and my 463 00:26:17,525 --> 00:26:21,125 parents and whatever. And I've always been mouthy. I just, 464 00:26:21,355 --> 00:26:25,565 I've always got something to say, , I'm make an observation. And I, 465 00:26:25,725 --> 00:26:28,845 I wanna say what is on my mind. And that was absolutely, 466 00:26:30,665 --> 00:26:34,245 you know, metaphorically and sometimes physically. Mm-Hmm. , 467 00:26:36,695 --> 00:26:38,735 I hate to use this word, but I'm, it's, I mean, 468 00:26:38,835 --> 00:26:43,445 it was beaten outta me and metaphorically and physically that was rejected 469 00:26:44,105 --> 00:26:47,685 by the people who should have loved me the best. Right. 470 00:26:49,145 --> 00:26:52,365 And so, you know, I learned how to 471 00:26:53,905 --> 00:26:56,085 not be that way with certain people. 472 00:26:57,085 --> 00:27:02,005 I made poor choices in friendships and partnerships for many years 473 00:27:02,005 --> 00:27:05,165 of my life. And so thought that I was with a person I could be that way with. 474 00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:09,005 And mm-Hmm. , nobody was ever as angry as, you know, 475 00:27:12,675 --> 00:27:16,495 the, my younger days experience was Mm-Hmm. about who I was, 476 00:27:16,675 --> 00:27:20,375 but I was absolutely rejected. Um, 477 00:27:21,315 --> 00:27:25,855 for that side of myself. I was deemed weird. I was deemed, or, 478 00:27:26,235 --> 00:27:27,295 or the, 479 00:27:27,555 --> 00:27:31,575 the both best and worst one that I think a lot of people can relate to. 480 00:27:32,175 --> 00:27:33,535 I was intimidating, you know, 481 00:27:33,715 --> 00:27:38,575 to have a brain and a mouth that can move kind of fast together and you just say 482 00:27:38,755 --> 00:27:42,735 the thing and you don't take shit and you call bullshit bullshit when you see 483 00:27:42,735 --> 00:27:47,175 it. A lot of people in my life could not handle that. They, like, 484 00:27:47,175 --> 00:27:49,775 they weren't strong enough, secure enough. Mm-Hmm. . 485 00:27:49,835 --> 00:27:52,495 And part of it's 'cause that was, I was young then and they were young, 486 00:27:52,515 --> 00:27:56,855 and so there's growing and maturing Sure. To do whatever. Um, 487 00:27:58,555 --> 00:28:03,535 but, you know, then I met you and you were like, yeah, 488 00:28:03,685 --> 00:28:06,695 it's, it's weird. And I don't, uh, 489 00:28:06,875 --> 00:28:10,575 you're not like anybody I've ever met, but I think I kind of like this, 490 00:28:10,795 --> 00:28:15,375 you know, not sure if that's good, but it's, you know, it's not, 491 00:28:15,675 --> 00:28:16,175 you know, 492 00:28:16,175 --> 00:28:21,055 and this is the thing I'll say for just the kink life and you know, 493 00:28:21,155 --> 00:28:26,135 why kink and BDSM are so meaningful to me is because it 494 00:28:26,195 --> 00:28:28,055 has absolutely given, 495 00:28:28,225 --> 00:28:31,815 given me the freedom to explore all the different parts of myselves, 496 00:28:32,035 --> 00:28:36,655 the sides of myselves. Um, so I did would, you know, 497 00:28:36,675 --> 00:28:40,135 by the time I figured I was a baby girl with a little sassy mouth, 498 00:28:40,335 --> 00:28:43,775 I would never have told you I was, I knew I had sassy thoughts in my head, 499 00:28:44,255 --> 00:28:46,495 . But to actually say those things out loud, 500 00:28:46,665 --> 00:28:50,855 there were very few people in my life who were safe enough. Now, thankfully, 501 00:28:51,015 --> 00:28:55,575 I had a couple of people by the time I was an adult that I could be just a smart 502 00:28:55,635 --> 00:28:59,495 ass bitch with. Right. And they found me funny. And those were my people. 503 00:28:59,635 --> 00:29:01,455 You know, your vibe attracts your tribe. Mm-Hmm. . 504 00:29:01,455 --> 00:29:05,375 It's so fucking cliche, but I love it. Uh, 'cause it seems to be true. Um, 505 00:29:05,715 --> 00:29:07,735 and it's why my tribe's so fucking small. Like I, 506 00:29:08,155 --> 00:29:13,095 the people that I would call besties and the people that in person get to 507 00:29:13,195 --> 00:29:16,335 see me like that, yeah. There's like two or three of them. Like, that's it. 508 00:29:16,335 --> 00:29:20,335 That's it. Um, but yeah, you, 509 00:29:21,995 --> 00:29:26,135 you have been my safe place to just be who the fuck I am. 510 00:29:26,195 --> 00:29:29,495 And if it rubs you the wrong way, it's never because of something innate in me, 511 00:29:29,925 --> 00:29:32,815 it's that the tone was a little off. Mm-Hmm. 512 00:29:32,855 --> 00:29:37,295 it wasn't the right moment. Um, and, and, 513 00:29:37,475 --> 00:29:39,815 and I still have that part of me that holds myself back. 514 00:29:39,815 --> 00:29:43,005 Like there I absolutely have thoughts. Mm-Hmm. 515 00:29:43,045 --> 00:29:45,445 that probably shouldn't be set out loud. , 516 00:29:45,755 --> 00:29:49,765 some thoughts really should stay indoor thought. Um, 517 00:29:50,465 --> 00:29:55,245 and you know, my own 44 years on the planet has taught me how to 518 00:29:55,795 --> 00:29:57,885 pick and choose my moments. Mm-Hmm. . 519 00:29:58,205 --> 00:30:02,765 I think it's why I'm so uncomfortable both in non kink life, I have, 520 00:30:02,785 --> 00:30:06,805 if I have to go out and interact with the world as my legal name. Um, 521 00:30:07,385 --> 00:30:10,605 and even in new kink groups, 522 00:30:10,705 --> 00:30:13,085 groups of people that I know are kinky, that know me as Kayla, 523 00:30:13,465 --> 00:30:18,285 but I don't know because I don't know if I'm safe. I don't know. Mm-Hmm. 524 00:30:18,325 --> 00:30:22,365 if these people will not, 525 00:30:22,395 --> 00:30:25,605 they don't have to embrace and be okay and think, I'm like, great. But like, 526 00:30:25,645 --> 00:30:27,085 I don't know what their reactions will be. 527 00:30:27,085 --> 00:30:31,845 And when you have memories of negative reactions, you know, 528 00:30:31,845 --> 00:30:35,365 depending on how you're wired, and this is how I'm wired, you know, 529 00:30:35,425 --> 00:30:39,165 I'm not gonna, I have very little desire to put myself out there like that. 530 00:30:39,715 --> 00:30:42,445 I'll be fully myself in places where I'm safe to, 531 00:30:42,945 --> 00:30:46,685 and the rest of the world can go fuck itself and they're just gonna see a very 532 00:30:47,005 --> 00:30:48,085 specific side to me. Yeah. 533 00:30:48,385 --> 00:30:52,685 You you proved you were safe and you proved you were goofy and 534 00:30:53,625 --> 00:30:56,845 you know, and it's all been a real gradual, subtle thing. 535 00:30:56,845 --> 00:31:00,525 Like there wasn't a moment where I went, I'm safe. Let me put all my crazy out. 536 00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:04,325 Like . It was very like. 537 00:31:04,585 --> 00:31:06,085 Mix and pieces. Yeah. I never read the fine print. 538 00:31:06,685 --> 00:31:09,925 . You didn't, I mean, I never lied to you. I told you, I was like, 539 00:31:10,325 --> 00:31:13,565 I was weird and crazy and you went Sure. And I was like, no, 540 00:31:13,685 --> 00:31:15,645 he doesn't know what I mean. , but he'll, he'll figure it out soon. 541 00:31:15,645 --> 00:31:18,325 Enough. Didn't know the breadth and depth of it. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. 542 00:31:18,365 --> 00:31:20,045 . Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . 543 00:31:20,345 --> 00:31:24,925 So I guess it's my turn. . Yeah. This is not a kink thing at all. Okay. 544 00:31:24,925 --> 00:31:28,725 But this is definitely a, JB has grown as a human being. 545 00:31:30,105 --> 00:31:34,245 The type of parent you were when we first met and you were, 546 00:31:34,745 --> 00:31:36,405 it was a hot minute before you got to be around the kids. 547 00:31:36,465 --> 00:31:38,165 But by the time I got to be around the kids, I was like, 548 00:31:38,195 --> 00:31:41,765 this is an adult that I expect you to listen to, blah, blah blah. Right. Um, 549 00:31:41,765 --> 00:31:46,525 that was like, I set the expectation early on the type of parent you are then 550 00:31:47,385 --> 00:31:51,205 versus now. Not even recognizable . 551 00:31:51,265 --> 00:31:55,165 Not even recog to the point that I will get on edge 552 00:31:55,995 --> 00:32:00,445 when I have a memory of an encounter that with the oldest 553 00:32:01,505 --> 00:32:03,885 at the youngest age now Mm-Hmm. , 554 00:32:04,105 --> 00:32:07,045 you would've blown up and lost your cool. And I would've been like, 555 00:32:07,075 --> 00:32:08,205 what the fuck are you doing? Like, 556 00:32:08,205 --> 00:32:10,205 don't you wanna see me stand up and be a bitch? 557 00:32:10,645 --> 00:32:14,565 parenting is where I'll shove him into a corner and be like, 558 00:32:14,755 --> 00:32:16,325 what are you doing? Um, 559 00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:19,405 because for a while our parenting philosophies were very, very different. 560 00:32:19,515 --> 00:32:22,485 Very different. And . Um, 561 00:32:23,025 --> 00:32:26,565 now that similar situation will come up, but it's with a different kid, 562 00:32:26,565 --> 00:32:29,325 which is different personality and different needs and all of that. 563 00:32:29,745 --> 00:32:33,685 But I still brace myself. I'm like, oh, I remember how this went that time. 564 00:32:34,585 --> 00:32:38,525 Now nevermind that time was the kid who jumped ropes with your nerves. Like, 565 00:32:38,635 --> 00:32:41,445 he's not just jumping on him, he's double ducking. Like he, 566 00:32:41,635 --> 00:32:45,725 he's working your nerves. Um, and you don't react that way anymore. 567 00:32:45,945 --> 00:32:48,965 And there are times I still now will come to you and go, 568 00:32:49,005 --> 00:32:52,325 I think we need to do this thing for this child. One of them. Right? Yeah. 569 00:32:52,465 --> 00:32:56,085 And I'm expecting pushback. 'cause a few years ago I would've gotten pushback. 570 00:32:56,145 --> 00:32:56,525 It would've. 571 00:32:56,525 --> 00:32:57,305 Been, yeah. 572 00:32:57,305 --> 00:33:00,565 And now you're like, okay. And I'm, 573 00:33:00,565 --> 00:33:03,845 sometimes I'm ready with my, like, 574 00:33:04,095 --> 00:33:08,325 we're in court and you're the jury or the judge and I've got an argument to make 575 00:33:08,465 --> 00:33:11,845 and I'm, and I'll, you'll be like, okay. And I'm already halfway out with like, 576 00:33:11,915 --> 00:33:16,165 here I have to convince you. And then I go, what? You're with me? You agree? 577 00:33:16,385 --> 00:33:18,725 And this is not that, oh, J b's changed so much. 578 00:33:18,725 --> 00:33:21,445 We always agree on parenting and my parenting style was the quote, 579 00:33:21,505 --> 00:33:22,338 the right one. 580 00:33:22,705 --> 00:33:27,165 But we had fundamentally different views on how Mm-Hmm. 581 00:33:27,205 --> 00:33:31,645 to handle certain situations. And it caused most of our conflict. 582 00:33:31,745 --> 00:33:34,325 Yes. If, if there was gonna be conflict in our relationship, 583 00:33:35,065 --> 00:33:39,565 it was gonna be me going, I I disagree, I think you were wrong about this. 584 00:33:39,695 --> 00:33:42,965 Right. Or it was gonna be you going, what the fuck are you doing? . 585 00:33:43,945 --> 00:33:46,285 Mm-Hmm. . And I think we probably still have some. 586 00:33:46,545 --> 00:33:50,685 We, we still have. We, we still have. Um, I'm, 587 00:33:50,705 --> 00:33:55,325 I'm not gonna say we are like always a hundred percent 588 00:33:55,835 --> 00:33:58,365 Yeah. Agreement. No, no, I don't think so. Um, you know, not, 589 00:33:58,385 --> 00:34:01,725 not that I've totally shifted one way or another. Um, 590 00:34:03,215 --> 00:34:07,525 there, there's still, um, some differences. There. 591 00:34:08,175 --> 00:34:11,725 There, there has been a big shift in, in the way I think of things. 592 00:34:12,665 --> 00:34:14,005 And even 593 00:34:16,265 --> 00:34:20,805 if I don't think something is done quite right or. 594 00:34:20,805 --> 00:34:22,325 The way, like the way you would want it to be done, 595 00:34:23,165 --> 00:34:25,125 quite right that y'all hear that . 596 00:34:27,825 --> 00:34:31,765 But I mean, it's, it's, it, it is also no longer a, 597 00:34:32,665 --> 00:34:36,845 um, even if we, we do disagree on something, 598 00:34:37,305 --> 00:34:40,285 it is no longer, um, 599 00:34:42,785 --> 00:34:47,705 a point of tension between us. It, it is more of a, alright, 600 00:34:47,705 --> 00:34:49,225 let's sit and talk about this. 601 00:34:49,895 --> 00:34:51,225 Yeah. We are better at that. I, 602 00:34:51,225 --> 00:34:55,985 part of the problem in the early days was that we each have our own 603 00:34:55,985 --> 00:34:57,585 triggers when it comes to parenting. 604 00:34:58,535 --> 00:35:02,065 Both you have your own triggers from the way you were raised. Mm-Hmm. 605 00:35:02,105 --> 00:35:02,945 , which I definitely have. 606 00:35:03,045 --> 00:35:05,625 And then you had your own from a previous relationship where you raised 607 00:35:05,625 --> 00:35:09,665 stepchildren. And it was not the best, uh, 608 00:35:09,805 --> 00:35:12,145 if I was willing to cut a bitch, I got, 609 00:35:12,345 --> 00:35:17,345 I got a list of them is all I'm saying . Um, and so we were really, 610 00:35:17,415 --> 00:35:21,385 what we were really doing was battling those things. True. 611 00:35:21,385 --> 00:35:26,385 Because I had made the decision early on in the oldest 612 00:35:26,455 --> 00:35:29,745 life. Like he was still a toddler. So I fucked it up before he was a, 613 00:35:29,745 --> 00:35:32,145 before I made this decision, . But there came a point, 614 00:35:32,185 --> 00:35:35,105 I made a decision where I went, okay, first of all, 615 00:35:35,105 --> 00:35:40,005 trying to raise this kid the way I was raised is not working and we're both 616 00:35:40,245 --> 00:35:40,865 miserable. I was like, 617 00:35:40,865 --> 00:35:43,965 why don't I just try to do the actual exact fucking opposite. 618 00:35:43,975 --> 00:35:44,808 Let's see what happens. 619 00:35:45,265 --> 00:35:48,605 And so I had made some decisions about how I definitely was not gonna raise the 620 00:35:48,605 --> 00:35:51,565 kids. And then I'd been on my own for a couple of years and Mm-Hmm. 621 00:35:51,605 --> 00:35:53,965 , I got to make all the decisions, which is exhausting, 622 00:35:53,965 --> 00:35:57,285 but also a little liberating. I mean, it's, it is and stressful. 623 00:35:57,445 --> 00:36:00,165 'cause it means if you, if they fuck up, if they're fucked up, 624 00:36:00,185 --> 00:36:04,365 you've done it and it's all you, um, at least that's what you tell yourself. 625 00:36:04,485 --> 00:36:06,565 I don't think that's necessarily true. Mm-Hmm. . Um, 626 00:36:06,825 --> 00:36:09,525 so I had the ways I was going to interact with them, 627 00:36:09,705 --> 00:36:14,405 and then here we came together and you were like, what the fuck are you doing? 628 00:36:14,705 --> 00:36:17,325 And I was like, this is, Hey, it worked. 629 00:36:17,355 --> 00:36:21,845 It's worked up until this point . Um, I can remember some of our, 630 00:36:22,585 --> 00:36:25,165 it never made me question whether we were supposed to be together. 631 00:36:25,345 --> 00:36:30,285 It never made me question the choice I had made in basically going, yes, you, 632 00:36:30,665 --> 00:36:31,498 you are my person. 633 00:36:32,385 --> 00:36:35,765 But it did make me very nervous for how we were gonna survive until the youngest 634 00:36:36,185 --> 00:36:41,125 was an adult. Because there were things I saw you falling back on. 635 00:36:41,865 --> 00:36:45,165 Not anything. Yeah. Really negative, not harmful. 636 00:36:45,165 --> 00:36:48,245 Things like that would've been okay. I think we need family counseling, like, 637 00:36:48,245 --> 00:36:51,085 what's going on here? But little things that I had said, no, 638 00:36:51,285 --> 00:36:54,085 I know how this fucked me up. So I definitely am not doing this with the kids. 639 00:36:54,625 --> 00:36:57,925 And it's that little subtle stuff. Right. And 640 00:36:59,565 --> 00:37:02,555 I was at war with, 641 00:37:03,465 --> 00:37:06,195 this is my daddy dom. I show him respect at all times. 642 00:37:06,655 --> 00:37:11,235 He is the decider in the leader in this household versus those are my two 643 00:37:11,235 --> 00:37:14,915 fucking kids. And I'm a fucking mama bear. And I know what I think is right. 644 00:37:15,615 --> 00:37:16,448 And I, 645 00:37:16,675 --> 00:37:20,875 I remember how I felt at that age when it looked like I had a parent who would 646 00:37:20,875 --> 00:37:25,635 not defend me. And so we would get into these arguments Mm-Hmm. 647 00:37:25,675 --> 00:37:29,795 that weren't really about whatever the kid had done or not done. 648 00:37:30,295 --> 00:37:31,395 It was more of a, 649 00:37:31,955 --> 00:37:36,795 I was arguing for baby me who didn't get defended by my mother when 650 00:37:36,815 --> 00:37:40,235 my dad was, went off the fucking rails and you Mm-Hmm. 651 00:37:40,275 --> 00:37:43,715 remembering what can happen when a kid doesn't have enough 652 00:37:43,965 --> 00:37:48,955 discipline and they go fucking wild. And they're un they're not, they're, 653 00:37:48,985 --> 00:37:52,755 they're completely out of pocket. Like the Yeah. They need like severe help. 654 00:37:52,975 --> 00:37:55,715 And so we were ba that's what we were battling. Yeah. 655 00:37:55,735 --> 00:38:00,235 And it was just the kids being kids in the middle . Yeah. 656 00:38:00,475 --> 00:38:02,555 I was like, huh. Yeah. You know, I'm like, Mm-Hmm. 657 00:38:02,635 --> 00:38:07,595 M doing the battle of I am fucked up with food as, as a 30 something year old. 658 00:38:07,595 --> 00:38:12,475 Because I had parents that on one hand basically told me I ate too much, 659 00:38:12,495 --> 00:38:14,355 but on the other hand, forced me to clean my plate. 660 00:38:14,725 --> 00:38:16,315 We're not playing food games. We, 661 00:38:16,375 --> 00:38:18,635 we don't make nobody eat in this fucking house. Mm-Hmm. 662 00:38:18,675 --> 00:38:19,508 that doesn't want to eat. Mm-Hmm. . 663 00:38:19,775 --> 00:38:23,835 And then there was the, what do you mean you're going to speak that way? 664 00:38:24,255 --> 00:38:28,195 Or the worst was when you wanted to punish 665 00:38:29,985 --> 00:38:32,525 on your own. Yeah. And we hadn't had a conversation. 666 00:38:32,545 --> 00:38:35,885 And I hated your punishment. And finding the balance between, 667 00:38:35,885 --> 00:38:39,405 sometimes I hate it because it's too close to my childhood. Mm-Hmm. 668 00:38:39,405 --> 00:38:40,605 And now we gotta have a conversation. 669 00:38:40,905 --> 00:38:43,325 And sometimes I hate it because it wasn't my idea. 670 00:38:43,665 --> 00:38:46,885 And I'm terrified of being too mean to my children. , 671 00:38:46,895 --> 00:38:50,245 which is not a good thing either. . Like, there's a balance. Right. 672 00:38:51,265 --> 00:38:54,205 And I mean, and here we are now, we don't always agree, 673 00:38:54,585 --> 00:38:57,485 but we are way better now. Yes. We will go into a room. 674 00:38:57,545 --> 00:39:00,085 We can see it on the horizon now. Mm-Hmm. . Right. And we're like, 675 00:39:00,085 --> 00:39:01,565 oh shit, we're gonna disagree on this. We. 676 00:39:01,565 --> 00:39:03,005 Need to, we need to sit and, uh. 677 00:39:03,255 --> 00:39:06,325 Let's hash this out. Yep. And we use, and I, 678 00:39:06,565 --> 00:39:07,965 I used to get mad at you about this. 679 00:39:08,305 --> 00:39:12,285 We have great communication skills with one another. Power exchange. 680 00:39:12,745 --> 00:39:15,845 We gotta like, and in business we gotta figure out what we're doing. 681 00:39:15,865 --> 00:39:19,125 We gotta figure out which way we wanna go and how this is gonna work. And, but, 682 00:39:19,345 --> 00:39:24,245 and it's within our kink life. We got it outside. It's like we forget. Mm-Hmm. 683 00:39:24,285 --> 00:39:26,605 . And I finally said to you, how is it we can, 684 00:39:26,625 --> 00:39:31,405 you can talk to me like my dom when it's bedroom shit, 685 00:39:32,145 --> 00:39:35,885 but you can't use the same skills when we're talking about when it comes to that 686 00:39:36,035 --> 00:39:41,005 Yeah. Parenting. And when we finally got that shit together, it, 687 00:39:41,145 --> 00:39:42,765 it hasn't been perfect, but it's been. 688 00:39:42,765 --> 00:39:44,445 Better. It's been better. Mm-Hmm. . And, 689 00:39:44,445 --> 00:39:49,045 and I think a lot of that had to do with, um, 690 00:39:49,705 --> 00:39:53,005 you know, things unraveling for me the way they did. Mm-Hmm. 691 00:39:53,045 --> 00:39:54,885 . I think it also, and. 692 00:39:54,905 --> 00:39:57,165 And that kind of helped me 693 00:39:58,785 --> 00:40:02,725 get a clearer look at what I was doing and where it was coming from. Mm-Hmm. 694 00:40:02,765 --> 00:40:03,245 . 695 00:40:03,245 --> 00:40:06,685 I think it also helped. I think that was a big part of it. 696 00:40:06,715 --> 00:40:11,045 I've always thought that your own past and your own triggers were a huge part of 697 00:40:11,045 --> 00:40:12,205 that. Because for most people, 698 00:40:13,065 --> 00:40:18,005 how we choose to parent a child comes from either a rejection 699 00:40:18,005 --> 00:40:21,725 of or an embracing of how we were raised. Right? Mm-Hmm. . 700 00:40:21,985 --> 00:40:23,805 And you were still in that, well, this is what I know, 701 00:40:23,805 --> 00:40:25,925 this is what feels normal, blah, blah, blah. 702 00:40:26,785 --> 00:40:31,725 But it did absolutely help when the kids started getting diagnosed with 703 00:40:31,725 --> 00:40:36,645 stuff. And I, I understand the thinking and I don't necessarily agree with it. 704 00:40:36,665 --> 00:40:39,325 And you and I were good and it's not Mm-Hmm. 705 00:40:39,365 --> 00:40:41,565 these are not things I think that are being thought now. 706 00:40:41,985 --> 00:40:45,725 But prior to an official diagnosis, there was still that, well, 707 00:40:45,725 --> 00:40:49,045 they're not trying hard enough. If they wanted to, they could blah, blah, blah. 708 00:40:49,045 --> 00:40:52,885 Like those false things that some people you think, I mean, I, 709 00:40:53,085 --> 00:40:56,725 I had those thoughts at times. And then you get a diagnosis and you go, oh, 710 00:40:57,445 --> 00:40:59,885 , oh, okay. More things make sense. Now. 711 00:40:59,925 --> 00:41:03,645 I had been doing my research prior to official diagnosis 'cause I was already 712 00:41:03,645 --> 00:41:06,685 seeing the signs and was like, okay, 713 00:41:06,685 --> 00:41:09,485 let me start just behaving as if they have these things. Mm-Hmm. . 714 00:41:09,505 --> 00:41:13,285 And this is part of who they are. Um, but to me, 715 00:41:13,285 --> 00:41:16,725 where you really started to sort of shine and make that evolution as a parent 716 00:41:16,825 --> 00:41:21,325 was you didn't deny their diagnoses. You embraced it, you supported them. 717 00:41:21,465 --> 00:41:25,325 You went and did your own research and did your own educating yourself. Right. 718 00:41:25,325 --> 00:41:26,325 To figure out what so, 719 00:41:26,465 --> 00:41:29,725 and which was really nice because sometimes I felt like my fear was I was gonna 720 00:41:29,725 --> 00:41:33,485 have to come to you and I thought it would be a battle of this kid's autistic, 721 00:41:33,485 --> 00:41:36,645 and this is how this presents in him. Mm-Hmm. And this is what this kid needs. 722 00:41:36,985 --> 00:41:40,165 And you, and I was like, ready to like, like move my lawyers. 723 00:41:40,385 --> 00:41:41,245 Dig your heels down. And. 724 00:41:41,355 --> 00:41:45,805 Like, I had cited my sources and here we're, and you just went, okay, yeah, 725 00:41:45,805 --> 00:41:47,325 that makes sense to me. And I was like, 726 00:41:51,355 --> 00:41:54,605 Okay. So I mean, yeah. As a parent, 727 00:41:54,895 --> 00:41:57,245 we've both grown because you just do Mm-Hmm. 728 00:41:57,285 --> 00:41:59,525 as they get older and you realize you've kept them alive for 18 729 00:41:59,525 --> 00:42:02,405 years and you're like, oh, look how I did the, I did the thing. Um, 730 00:42:03,185 --> 00:42:04,765 so we've both grown and evolved, 731 00:42:04,765 --> 00:42:09,245 but I just feel like witnessing your evolution, 732 00:42:09,355 --> 00:42:12,925 it's just been in a more condensed time period than mine. Mine's 18 years and, 733 00:42:12,925 --> 00:42:17,925 and going, um, and yours is much shorter amount of time. And I, 734 00:42:17,925 --> 00:42:20,805 Mm-Hmm. . I just feel like I, it's amazing. 735 00:42:21,115 --> 00:42:25,525 It's almost a night and day because you really were the strict, 736 00:42:26,185 --> 00:42:28,365 you know, no bullshit. I think you're enabling, 737 00:42:28,405 --> 00:42:31,125 I think you're spoiling these kids and there I hey, 738 00:42:31,625 --> 00:42:35,005 I'm mature enough to say that there probably were times I was doing both Yeah. 739 00:42:35,585 --> 00:42:38,805 For my own reasons. Mm-Hmm. that had nothing to do with them, but 740 00:42:40,555 --> 00:42:42,085 yeah. Yeah. 741 00:42:42,805 --> 00:42:43,638 . 742 00:42:44,595 --> 00:42:47,405 Okay. If you've got anything else, go for it. Um. 743 00:42:47,695 --> 00:42:48,445 Let's see. Maybe. 744 00:42:48,445 --> 00:42:51,245 We don't have to get quite so heavy. I, I don't mean to, but there, 745 00:42:51,245 --> 00:42:54,125 there you go. . Yeah, there you go. 746 00:42:57,045 --> 00:43:00,365 I, I, I would have to say, I think, uh, 747 00:43:00,385 --> 00:43:04,925 the one way I've seen you grow, um, 748 00:43:06,425 --> 00:43:10,805 in is just in the way we handle our day-to-day 749 00:43:11,155 --> 00:43:16,005 life. Mm-Hmm. and our work, you know, you were, 750 00:43:16,105 --> 00:43:18,005 you were always very, um, 751 00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:24,485 focused on your freelance work, especially, you know, even in the beginning. 752 00:43:24,675 --> 00:43:25,725 Sure. You know, when you first. 753 00:43:25,725 --> 00:43:27,125 Oh, I have something to prove in the beginning. Yeah. 754 00:43:27,155 --> 00:43:30,125 Yeah. And, you know, while that has, 755 00:43:30,635 --> 00:43:35,165 that has shifted and you know, now it's pretty much all on our shoulders. 756 00:43:36,195 --> 00:43:37,028 Yeah. 757 00:43:38,345 --> 00:43:42,645 You know, but you have, you, you have stayed true to that. 758 00:43:44,545 --> 00:43:48,885 You know, you, you have grown into it and you have embraced it. 759 00:43:50,435 --> 00:43:51,725 Yeah. I find it very strange. 760 00:43:51,945 --> 00:43:56,245 My natural tendencies are to follow 761 00:43:57,145 --> 00:44:01,445 preset rules and paths because then you can't get it wrong. And you know, 762 00:44:01,445 --> 00:44:03,805 you're doing what is quote the right thing. Mm-Hmm. . 763 00:44:03,805 --> 00:44:07,965 And so go to college, get married, get a job, work for somebody else, 764 00:44:08,535 --> 00:44:10,885 maybe move up whatever the ladder looks like. 765 00:44:11,595 --> 00:44:14,605 That was a very comforting thing to me. Mm-Hmm. . 766 00:44:14,785 --> 00:44:18,725 And in other parts of our lives that are not really about this, um, 767 00:44:19,825 --> 00:44:23,565 you know, how you raise a kid, how a kid gets educated, blah, blah, blah. Those, 768 00:44:23,675 --> 00:44:25,445 like, to me, there was this path and, 769 00:44:25,445 --> 00:44:30,325 and it's a source of comfort to do what other people say is what 770 00:44:30,325 --> 00:44:32,845 you're supo supposed to do. Mm-Hmm. . 771 00:44:32,965 --> 00:44:35,205 'cause if you can't get it wrong, you can't fuck it up. Now, 772 00:44:35,205 --> 00:44:38,325 none of that's actually fucking true. That's not how life works. . 773 00:44:38,865 --> 00:44:43,805 So to decide in one kind of fell swoop 774 00:44:43,995 --> 00:44:48,885 that I would move away from family and friends, move in with my daddy, 775 00:44:49,305 --> 00:44:50,365 Dom, um, 776 00:44:51,155 --> 00:44:54,965 yank my kids out of what they know and bring them along for the ride and quit my 777 00:44:54,965 --> 00:44:59,645 job and go freelance and completely throw out any perceived rule book 778 00:44:59,785 --> 00:45:04,765 and forge my own path has been both the greatest thing I've 779 00:45:04,765 --> 00:45:05,225 ever done. 780 00:45:05,225 --> 00:45:10,085 And also the most fucking stressful because without a path laid out in 781 00:45:10,085 --> 00:45:13,765 front of me to follow, it's just a, I think it is for a lot of people, 782 00:45:13,825 --> 00:45:16,965 but I think depending on how you're wired and who you are and blah, blah, blah. 783 00:45:17,145 --> 00:45:19,085 Mm-Hmm. it varies. For me, it's a, 784 00:45:19,155 --> 00:45:22,605 it's very stressful because there's too many variables and there's too many ways 785 00:45:22,645 --> 00:45:24,285 I could fuck it up. And, 786 00:45:24,665 --> 00:45:28,325 and yet I needed to do it at the time. Mm-Hmm. . 787 00:45:28,325 --> 00:45:30,685 I needed to do everything we did at the time I needed to be with you. 788 00:45:30,705 --> 00:45:33,845 And we tried to do it the other way, and the universe was clearly going, no, 789 00:45:33,845 --> 00:45:34,678 that ain't working. Yeah. 790 00:45:35,585 --> 00:45:39,485 And I was hating my job and I was hating working for other people. 791 00:45:39,505 --> 00:45:41,925 And now I'm at a point where like, I can't even fucking imagine. Like, 792 00:45:42,145 --> 00:45:43,765 you're allowed to tell me what to do, 793 00:45:43,825 --> 00:45:46,485 but nobody else is allowed to thank you very much. 794 00:45:47,265 --> 00:45:49,485 Nobody else is allowed to control my time. Mm-Hmm. 795 00:45:49,525 --> 00:45:53,405 or my output or the goals like Mm-Hmm. Um, 796 00:45:54,865 --> 00:45:59,565 but I also am just who I am. So if I commit to a thing, I focus on it. 797 00:45:59,625 --> 00:46:00,085 I'm like, well, 798 00:46:00,085 --> 00:46:02,685 we're gonna do this to the best of our ability until we just can't do it 799 00:46:03,085 --> 00:46:04,645 anymore. Um, the, 800 00:46:04,865 --> 00:46:09,485 the thing that throwing out the perceived rule book and playbook 801 00:46:09,785 --> 00:46:14,565 taught me was that I am capable of being creative and 802 00:46:14,745 --> 00:46:18,085 making my own way forward. You know? Mm-Hmm. , it'll be messy. 803 00:46:18,605 --> 00:46:22,805 I won't know I'm doing the right thing till later. Which is still a huge, 804 00:46:23,555 --> 00:46:28,245 huge point of stress for me. Mm-Hmm. . Um, but, 805 00:46:29,585 --> 00:46:33,805 you know, I can do it. And it's funny how it's easy to forget that. 806 00:46:33,945 --> 00:46:36,765 So the way we work, the way we earn our money Mm-Hmm. 807 00:46:36,805 --> 00:46:37,638 that has become, 808 00:46:37,685 --> 00:46:41,525 I understand intellectually from the outside looking in, it is not normal, 809 00:46:41,625 --> 00:46:44,445 is not what everybody does. No. But it is normal to us. 810 00:46:44,515 --> 00:46:48,925 It's what we do because it's normal. And I feel like I know what I'm doing. 811 00:46:49,285 --> 00:46:52,165 I have done enough of, my stomach is growling. 812 00:46:52,165 --> 00:46:54,645 I hope the mic's not picking up . I've done it enough times, 813 00:46:54,835 --> 00:46:58,805 I've created my own sort of like, follow this path and do it this way. 814 00:46:58,805 --> 00:47:03,325 And you'll probably be okay. I forget that everything in life, 815 00:47:03,585 --> 00:47:06,725 the rules are all fucking made up. The way we do shit is just, 816 00:47:06,885 --> 00:47:09,925 'cause somebody at some point went Sure. Do it this way. And everybody went, 817 00:47:10,035 --> 00:47:10,868 okay. Mm-Hmm. . 818 00:47:11,305 --> 00:47:14,365 And I have to sometimes actively remind myself of that. 819 00:47:15,035 --> 00:47:19,645 Like the decisions we've made and really the kid has made for the 14 year old 820 00:47:19,645 --> 00:47:21,885 and what he's gonna do for school going forward and how we're gonna handle 821 00:47:21,885 --> 00:47:26,885 things. I had to actively say to myself, wait, the rules are made up. 822 00:47:27,825 --> 00:47:31,885 As long as you like, do what you feel like is right and with what is available. 823 00:47:32,465 --> 00:47:36,285 You don't have to do this path. This path is not working. Mm-Hmm. . 824 00:47:36,665 --> 00:47:38,285 You don't have to stay on it. 825 00:47:38,545 --> 00:47:43,205 And I couldn't have had that thought about stuff we're dealing with today had I 826 00:47:43,205 --> 00:47:47,245 not somehow had that thought in 2014 827 00:47:47,955 --> 00:47:51,445 when we moved in together. And so it goes back to, you know, 828 00:47:51,445 --> 00:47:55,205 I've increased in confidence. Well, yeah. I've done hard, scary shit. 829 00:47:55,705 --> 00:47:57,565 And sometimes it blew up in my face . 830 00:47:57,565 --> 00:47:59,005 And sometimes it worked out really well, 831 00:47:59,545 --> 00:48:04,205 but all it did was remind me that I can do other hard scary shit that 832 00:48:04,235 --> 00:48:09,085 doesn't have a set rule and path to it. 833 00:48:09,085 --> 00:48:10,685 Mm-Hmm. . Even though it is, I mean, 834 00:48:10,685 --> 00:48:15,565 it is mentally painful to me to go off book, to go off path and go, 835 00:48:16,055 --> 00:48:18,965 we're traipsing through the forest here, but I don't like bugs or nature. 836 00:48:19,025 --> 00:48:22,805 So what am I doing in a forest metaphor? Who knows? You know? Yeah. 837 00:48:22,805 --> 00:48:26,525 But here we are. Um, yeah, 838 00:48:28,215 --> 00:48:32,065 yeah. . And actually, quite frankly, 839 00:48:32,095 --> 00:48:35,145 even though life is really hard right now, it has been the past few years, 840 00:48:35,645 --> 00:48:37,505 and there have been times I've been tempted, I'm like, 841 00:48:37,505 --> 00:48:38,825 should I go back to a corporate job? 842 00:48:38,855 --> 00:48:41,785 Because at least we know how much the paycheck is steady, right? Mm-Hmm. 843 00:48:41,825 --> 00:48:45,265 . And sometimes there's opportunity for growth and man, 844 00:48:45,265 --> 00:48:48,225 you'd probably be a little less tired than you are. You know, 845 00:48:48,655 --> 00:48:50,625 I've had those thoughts because it's not, 846 00:48:50,845 --> 00:48:55,185 it was really great until it wasn't right. Yeah. But I also am like, no, 847 00:48:55,225 --> 00:48:59,225 I know I can do these hard things and I believe in this Mm-Hmm. . 848 00:48:59,225 --> 00:49:03,945 And I don't wanna do anything else. I do want my stomach to stop growling, but, 849 00:49:03,945 --> 00:49:06,945 you know, whatever. So yeah. 850 00:49:08,605 --> 00:49:11,865 I'm trying to think if I have a last one for you that's not like, 851 00:49:11,865 --> 00:49:15,665 completely random, like about how your, you do your beard. Well, 852 00:49:15,745 --> 00:49:19,105 I can say that , when I first met you, 853 00:49:19,105 --> 00:49:20,465 you didn't have near as much facial hair. 854 00:49:20,665 --> 00:49:21,498 That's true. 855 00:49:21,565 --> 00:49:24,905 And you kept your, the hair on top of your head longer Yeah. 856 00:49:25,245 --> 00:49:26,705 And hair on your face. 857 00:49:26,765 --> 00:49:28,385 The beard is longer and the hair is shorter. 858 00:49:28,805 --> 00:49:30,505 And I, I have , 859 00:49:31,105 --> 00:49:35,585 I the submissive have decreed that that's how it should stay . I know, 860 00:49:35,625 --> 00:49:39,585 I know. Bodily autonomy. His fucking hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, 861 00:49:41,045 --> 00:49:42,145 no. 862 00:49:46,325 --> 00:49:50,425 um, your hearing's a little worse, but you have bionics. Yep. Um, 863 00:49:50,525 --> 00:49:54,585 you're a little shorter. Yeah. I'm, but you're not currently in any back pain, 864 00:49:54,645 --> 00:49:58,705 so No, I'm not. You'll take shorter over Mm-Hmm. more pain. Yeah. 865 00:49:59,525 --> 00:50:03,745 Um, but you're still, 866 00:50:04,925 --> 00:50:08,305 you are still my fun loving rock. 867 00:50:09,185 --> 00:50:13,105 my sadistic rock. my hit me like, you hate me rock. 868 00:50:14,095 --> 00:50:17,625 Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Yep. Mm-Hmm. . 869 00:50:18,455 --> 00:50:19,385 Some things don't change. 870 00:50:19,855 --> 00:50:23,505 True. I mean, you know, and to be honest, um, 871 00:50:25,325 --> 00:50:27,065 you know, even myself, I've thought about 872 00:50:29,655 --> 00:50:34,085 going back to getting a job. Mm-Hmm. . And I, 873 00:50:34,325 --> 00:50:38,365 I don't think I could at this point either. I'm, I'm, I've been, 874 00:50:38,545 --> 00:50:39,845 I'm too far down that road. 875 00:50:40,505 --> 00:50:40,925 Oh my God. 876 00:50:40,925 --> 00:50:43,805 The first time somebody wanted me to do some busy bullshit work that I know 877 00:50:43,805 --> 00:50:46,805 doesn't matter. I'd be like, what the fuck are you on about ? Like, 878 00:50:46,805 --> 00:50:47,638 literally. Yeah. 879 00:50:47,745 --> 00:50:48,145 Who. 880 00:50:48,145 --> 00:50:51,485 I'm not doing that shit. We only do stuff that has a fucking purpose. Mm-Hmm. 881 00:50:51,725 --> 00:50:56,605 . Yeah. You know it. Yeah. 882 00:50:56,885 --> 00:51:01,725 I, I I couldn't do it anymore at this point. Mm-Hmm. So, you know, 883 00:51:02,325 --> 00:51:06,725 I, um, I, I, 884 00:51:06,925 --> 00:51:09,125 I think the last thing I would say 885 00:51:11,905 --> 00:51:14,485 is, and, and I, I, I think, 886 00:51:14,565 --> 00:51:19,525 I hope this is something that goes for both of us. Um, oh, 887 00:51:19,525 --> 00:51:21,005 we're about to have a visitor. We. 888 00:51:21,005 --> 00:51:23,725 Have Onyx on the table. Yeah. Bumping into the microphones. Mm-Hmm. 889 00:51:23,765 --> 00:51:27,485 , um, you know, I 890 00:51:29,085 --> 00:51:29,775 . 891 00:51:29,775 --> 00:51:30,965 Sorry, podcast listeners. 892 00:51:31,095 --> 00:51:31,928 Sorry. 893 00:51:32,865 --> 00:51:37,445 Is is the way that you have allowed me to grow 894 00:51:38,105 --> 00:51:41,205 and evolve and change, you know, so many 895 00:51:43,025 --> 00:51:46,245 people in, in relationships, you know, well, 896 00:51:46,245 --> 00:51:48,125 I don't like the way they've changed over time. 897 00:51:48,285 --> 00:51:49,605 I don't like what they've become. 898 00:51:49,855 --> 00:51:52,605 Right. I have a picture in my head of who they were 10 years ago. That's where. 899 00:51:52,605 --> 00:51:55,445 I want them to stay or who I want them to be. Yeah. You know, and, 900 00:51:55,465 --> 00:51:57,445 and you have not done that. You, 901 00:51:57,745 --> 00:52:01,285 you have allowed me to be who I am, 902 00:52:01,465 --> 00:52:03,685 who I want to be, 903 00:52:03,945 --> 00:52:08,445 and you know who I am becoming. And continually. 904 00:52:09,005 --> 00:52:12,365 I want you to always be the best version of yourself that you can be. 905 00:52:12,365 --> 00:52:15,765 Like sometimes your best version, because of what's going on in life, 906 00:52:15,945 --> 00:52:20,885 is not the version that's ideal. Yeah. I mean, but I want you to be happy. 907 00:52:21,165 --> 00:52:22,805 I want you, you know, 908 00:52:23,665 --> 00:52:28,645 it was painful to me mentally painful to watch you go to a 909 00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:31,965 job that was soul sucking and that you hated and where you were not appreciated. 910 00:52:31,965 --> 00:52:35,645 Like, I'm, you know, I'm, I'm not gonna cut a bitch for flirting with you. 911 00:52:35,825 --> 00:52:40,685 I'm gonna cut a bitch for not treating you the way you deserve to be treated for 912 00:52:40,685 --> 00:52:42,765 not seeing your fucking worth. Like, that's, 913 00:52:42,985 --> 00:52:47,605 that's where my protectiveness probably is now more than anything. Like, Mm-Hmm. 914 00:52:47,645 --> 00:52:48,478 , you know, 915 00:52:48,645 --> 00:52:51,885 I think you're fucking amazing and deserve nothing but good things in your life. 916 00:52:51,905 --> 00:52:56,885 And so the world better get in fucking line and treat you like you're an 917 00:52:56,885 --> 00:53:01,005 amazing person and deserve nothing but good things. And so . If, 918 00:53:01,105 --> 00:53:05,245 if that's, you know, if that's woodworking, 919 00:53:05,385 --> 00:53:09,485 if that's, you know, whatever, whate, like, I can't, 920 00:53:09,485 --> 00:53:12,245 I don't know at this point. Like, the things you do, you do, because both, 921 00:53:12,665 --> 00:53:15,245 you enjoy them. And it's how we pay the bills. 922 00:53:15,825 --> 00:53:18,725 And sometimes that gets blurry of how much do I enjoy this? 923 00:53:18,945 --> 00:53:21,605 How much do I enjoy the money that comes from this? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, 924 00:53:21,605 --> 00:53:24,965 there's not a lot of money that comes from this, but it's enough. Um, 925 00:53:26,745 --> 00:53:31,645 so yeah. It's, you know, I, I just, whatever that, whatever, 926 00:53:33,075 --> 00:53:36,325 what has been a good thing and is not always true for everybody. Mm-Hmm. 927 00:53:36,365 --> 00:53:36,825 , 928 00:53:36,825 --> 00:53:41,205 the changes we've experienced have been in parallel with one another. 929 00:53:41,475 --> 00:53:44,085 Sometimes they've been intertwined. We've grown together. True. 930 00:53:44,085 --> 00:53:48,005 We are better parents together than we were in the beginning. Um, 931 00:53:48,825 --> 00:53:52,245 we are better communicators together than we were in the beginning. Correct. 932 00:53:52,385 --> 00:53:57,205 We are more enmeshed in our power exchange and connected in ways 933 00:53:57,205 --> 00:53:59,725 that are authentic to us. Mm-Hmm. better than in the beginning, 934 00:54:00,025 --> 00:54:04,765 but there have also been changes that in some cases people 935 00:54:04,835 --> 00:54:06,045 diverge from one another. Yeah. 936 00:54:06,045 --> 00:54:08,885 They're on completely different paths and they're not going in the same 937 00:54:08,885 --> 00:54:13,645 direction. And then, you know, for us, we've been fortunate that that has, 938 00:54:13,825 --> 00:54:17,605 you know, we are walking in the same direction. 939 00:54:17,605 --> 00:54:19,485 We're trying to get to the same place together. Mm-Hmm. , you know, 940 00:54:19,485 --> 00:54:24,085 so I've grown in confidence in ways that you didn't need to 941 00:54:24,115 --> 00:54:28,685 necessarily Right. Or in ways that you haven't quite gotten to yet. Um, 942 00:54:29,265 --> 00:54:34,005 I'm aware of my own health and mental and physical maybe in ways that you're, 943 00:54:34,065 --> 00:54:36,685 you know, you're not quite there with me yet, but you're getting there. Like, 944 00:54:37,255 --> 00:54:40,365 we've, we've evolved in our own ways as individual people. 945 00:54:40,465 --> 00:54:44,645 And I think that that's a thing that can get either forgotten, not realized, 946 00:54:44,905 --> 00:54:49,205 or for those who look down on power exchange, just in general, you know, 947 00:54:49,385 --> 00:54:52,805 people think that we talk, we did this episode about codependency. Right. 948 00:54:53,255 --> 00:54:57,165 We're not codependent on one other. We, we are our own whole individuals, 949 00:54:57,465 --> 00:55:00,605 but we still make each other better by being together. 950 00:55:01,465 --> 00:55:04,925 And in some relationships that's not the case. True. 951 00:55:04,925 --> 00:55:09,165 You grow so far apart that you either don't add anything or you make the other 952 00:55:09,605 --> 00:55:11,925 actively you're, you're worse together than you are apart. Mm-Hmm. 953 00:55:11,965 --> 00:55:14,125 , you and I are better together than apart. I mean, 954 00:55:14,575 --> 00:55:19,445 could I technically sit in front of this camera and with this 955 00:55:19,445 --> 00:55:21,605 microphone and talk to it? Yeah. But it wouldn't, 956 00:55:22,025 --> 00:55:25,525 I'm not gonna say it's good now, but it would be way worse if it was just me. 957 00:55:25,665 --> 00:55:28,725 It wouldn't be as good. Right. Yeah. It's the way we talk about, 958 00:55:28,725 --> 00:55:31,845 like with the Ry Yeah. You could make all the shit all day long. Right. 959 00:55:32,105 --> 00:55:35,685 But if they're in somebody telling folks about it, it's not gonna sell. Exactly. 960 00:55:35,715 --> 00:55:39,685 It's like, I could tell people about it, but I can't fucking make it. Lord. 961 00:55:39,825 --> 00:55:43,205 I'm not allowed near any of it. I sanded my own fingernail the other day. 962 00:55:43,565 --> 00:55:48,205 . Um, we compliment one another. Yeah. We do. 963 00:55:48,545 --> 00:55:51,885 We do. We need each other in a way that is not unhealthy. Mm-Hmm. , 964 00:55:52,105 --> 00:55:56,565 we can exist independently. We choose not to, you know? Mm-Hmm. , 965 00:55:56,945 --> 00:55:59,925 we celebrate the differences in one another. 966 00:56:00,065 --> 00:56:03,725 We don't expect either to conform and be like us. 967 00:56:04,205 --> 00:56:06,645 I want you to be who you are. That's who I fucking fell in love with. 968 00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:11,085 And I like seeing the positive change in growth and evolution in you. 969 00:56:11,385 --> 00:56:13,925 It has only benefited both of us. True. 970 00:56:14,205 --> 00:56:16,725 I hurt for you when things are going badly for you, 971 00:56:16,725 --> 00:56:21,325 especially if it's not something I can just fix or genuinely help you with. 972 00:56:21,415 --> 00:56:26,405 Right. But, you know Yeah. I, 973 00:56:26,585 --> 00:56:30,965 the, the train wound down in my head. Okay. The word just petered out. Mm-Hmm. 974 00:56:31,005 --> 00:56:31,838 . So. 975 00:56:33,275 --> 00:56:34,165 Yeah. Yeah. 976 00:56:36,445 --> 00:56:37,278 Yeah. 977 00:56:38,015 --> 00:56:38,935 Hmm. So. 978 00:56:39,805 --> 00:56:44,575 Yeah, I don't know how much more to add. 979 00:56:44,815 --> 00:56:47,575 I know the moment we stop talking about this, my brain will go, oh, 980 00:56:47,575 --> 00:56:48,975 but there was this you could have mentioned and then. 981 00:56:48,975 --> 00:56:50,255 There was that, and then, yeah. Mm-Hmm. 982 00:56:50,295 --> 00:56:52,575 , I think, I think we touched on some of the biggest ones. 983 00:56:52,855 --> 00:56:54,735 I think so too. You know? Yeah. 984 00:56:56,005 --> 00:56:59,655 Yeah. And yeah, we like, like you said at the top Yeah. 985 00:56:59,795 --> 00:57:04,015 We know the biggest changes that were definitely heavier once where 986 00:57:04,735 --> 00:57:08,455 I go back and I see, because of like YouTube stats and stuff, it'll be like, oh, 987 00:57:08,455 --> 00:57:11,375 this video's getting a lot of views or this video. But, 988 00:57:11,395 --> 00:57:15,295 or somebody will comment on an old video and I'll go look at the, the thumbnail. 989 00:57:15,295 --> 00:57:20,255 I'm like, why did I think I was fat ? I like kill for that right now, 990 00:57:20,615 --> 00:57:23,615 . And yet I know if I were to gain more weight, 991 00:57:23,655 --> 00:57:27,415 I would look back on this and I'd be like, what the fuck was I complaining. 992 00:57:27,415 --> 00:57:29,015 About? Right. I know. I. 993 00:57:29,015 --> 00:57:30,215 Know. Right now I've, 994 00:57:30,365 --> 00:57:35,175 I've accepted that we are doing healthy things Yeah. That don't necessarily, 995 00:57:35,195 --> 00:57:36,775 we lead to weight loss and maybe they don't need to. 996 00:57:37,315 --> 00:57:42,055 And our priorities are not on what our bodies look like, quite frankly. 997 00:57:42,795 --> 00:57:46,975 Um, it's on how we feel and what we need to do for our family. And that's, 998 00:57:47,115 --> 00:57:51,575 you know. Yeah. When things shift again and attention can be diverted, 999 00:57:51,575 --> 00:57:54,095 then maybe, maybe we'll think of Mm-Hmm. about that, 1000 00:57:54,235 --> 00:57:55,855 but maybe we won't and it'll be okay. 1001 00:57:56,405 --> 00:57:56,695 True. 1002 00:57:56,695 --> 00:58:01,355 True. Hey, we still have, uh, hot, kinky scenes and, um, 1003 00:58:01,625 --> 00:58:04,395 good sex in these bodies. Mm-Hmm. . 1004 00:58:04,395 --> 00:58:07,315 So as long as these bodies want to continue to like. 1005 00:58:08,345 --> 00:58:11,635 Work, move in that direction. Yeah. Then I know. Keep, keep down that path. 1006 00:58:11,745 --> 00:58:12,295 Yeah. I'm not. 1007 00:58:12,295 --> 00:58:13,435 I'm not that worried about it. Yeah. 1008 00:58:13,435 --> 00:58:15,675 Yeah. I know. I know, I know. So. 1009 00:58:16,505 --> 00:58:20,115 Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . So I guess we can go into a bonus section. 1010 00:58:20,265 --> 00:58:21,098 Yeah. 1011 00:58:21,825 --> 00:58:22,658 Yeah. 1012 00:58:22,985 --> 00:58:25,355 Okay. So, uh, are we good? I have no. 1013 00:58:25,355 --> 00:58:27,195 Idea. It's not for me to say . 1014 00:58:27,225 --> 00:58:30,275 Okay. Keep it, keep it kinky all. 1015 00:58:30,615 --> 00:58:31,448 And we'll see you next week. 1016 00:58:42,165 --> 00:58:42,998 Dotty. 1017 00:58:44,655 --> 00:58:45,875 Yes, baby girl. Can. 1018 00:58:45,875 --> 00:58:46,995 I talk to the crickets? Please? 1019 00:58:47,495 --> 00:58:50,115 Do you actually have anything to say to the crickets? 1020 00:58:50,385 --> 00:58:51,218 Yeah, actually. 1021 00:58:52,295 --> 00:58:55,235 Huh? 'cause every time you ask me to talk to the crickets lately, 1022 00:58:55,475 --> 00:58:57,635 I give you permission and then you're like, I got nothing. 1023 00:58:58,555 --> 00:59:00,835 I know. 'cause I love to see the look on your face. When I do that, 1024 00:59:01,095 --> 00:59:04,235 it delights me. delights me. 1025 00:59:06,015 --> 00:59:08,435 I'm sorry. You have a confident sassy submissive. I 1026 00:59:11,055 --> 00:59:13,155 and you, uh, asked for it, so. 1027 00:59:13,675 --> 00:59:15,595 I kind of did. Kind of did. You created. 1028 00:59:15,595 --> 00:59:17,955 This monster. It's all your own fault. You did it to yourself. 1029 00:59:18,375 --> 00:59:19,755 Got no one to blame, but myself. 1030 00:59:21,465 --> 00:59:24,805 I'm just out here like being who I am and you went, yeah, sure. I like that one. 1031 00:59:25,365 --> 00:59:29,125 . Thank you. Taste. 1032 00:59:29,125 --> 00:59:30,725 You says that you had something to say earlier. 1033 00:59:31,545 --> 00:59:36,325 So can one of us talk to the fucking crickets? Go ahead. Oh, I was, I Well, 1034 00:59:36,325 --> 00:59:40,045 thank you. I, I want Thank you taste you for reminding us Yeah. 1035 00:59:40,045 --> 00:59:41,365 That you had something to say. Mm-Hmm. , uh, 1036 00:59:41,485 --> 00:59:43,285 I was just gonna talk about what we did on Saturday, 1037 00:59:43,905 --> 00:59:45,765 but you had something to say. So No, you. 1038 00:59:45,765 --> 00:59:48,405 Go ahead and talk about Saturday. I know what I have want to talk about, 1039 00:59:48,425 --> 00:59:49,145 and I will. 1040 00:59:49,145 --> 00:59:51,845 It must be nice to have a memory that actually worked. , 1041 00:59:52,065 --> 00:59:54,925 you thought of something an hour ago. You can recall it later. 1042 00:59:55,845 --> 00:59:58,485 I can't even imagine. . Yeah. We, uh, we, 1043 00:59:58,685 --> 01:00:03,445 I went to my first actual play party. My experiences with public community. 1044 01:00:03,445 --> 01:00:05,885 Things have all been dungeon related. 1045 01:00:06,705 --> 01:00:08,885 It was not your first play party at all. Mm-Hmm. . 1046 01:00:08,885 --> 01:00:13,605 It was my first play party. Um, we did, uh, we went Halloween party. 1047 01:00:13,985 --> 01:00:18,325 Uh, our, our Halloween thing was just to wear all black. I needed a dress. 1048 01:00:18,445 --> 01:00:20,645 I could swoop over my head real quick. 1049 01:00:21,085 --> 01:00:25,645 and JB likes to wear black when we're gonna scene and Yeah. Sexy in it. 1050 01:00:26,125 --> 01:00:29,605 . Um, it, I was be begging him the whole night. It was a, uh, 1051 01:00:29,665 --> 01:00:34,445 his shirt was a dress shirt, black dress shirt. And the whole night, like, 1052 01:00:34,445 --> 01:00:35,925 we went out to a very early dinner, 1053 01:00:36,025 --> 01:00:38,205 so our stomachs have time to settle before we played. 1054 01:00:38,665 --> 01:00:40,765 And then we went to this party. And the whole time I'm like, 1055 01:00:40,765 --> 01:00:44,005 when is he gonna roll up his fucking sleeves? I need forearm here. 1056 01:00:44,715 --> 01:00:47,485 When does he do it? When he is ready for me to get on a spanking bench? 1057 01:00:47,485 --> 01:00:49,285 And I was like, and then I had to stop and like, 1058 01:00:49,285 --> 01:00:51,285 watch and drool at the same time. 'cause I was like, 1059 01:00:51,285 --> 01:00:52,845 your forearms are so fucking sexy. 1060 01:00:53,805 --> 01:00:58,685 A masculine person with their dress shirt rolled up to like a round elbow 1061 01:00:58,775 --> 01:01:03,125 blank cheek. It's just sexy fuck. I love it. . Um, 1062 01:01:03,465 --> 01:01:06,805 unless I don't find that person appealing at all. And then it's not sexy. 1063 01:01:06,835 --> 01:01:11,125 It's not like a always sexy thing, but mostly sexy thing. Anyway. 1064 01:01:12,145 --> 01:01:15,045 Um, yeah, the party was good. The, 1065 01:01:15,105 --> 01:01:18,085 the people that we met and the people that invited us and the people that we 1066 01:01:18,085 --> 01:01:21,605 knew are all lovely people. They're all very nice people. Mm-Hmm. . 1067 01:01:22,005 --> 01:01:25,885 I am the problem. . I was a nervous wreck. 1068 01:01:25,905 --> 01:01:28,325 The social anxiety was on high alert. 1069 01:01:29,065 --> 01:01:33,325 The discomfort with being in a different place that I didn't know and had never 1070 01:01:33,325 --> 01:01:37,565 been before was high. I got overstimulated a few times. 1071 01:01:37,565 --> 01:01:40,885 Jamie would be like, are, do you, do you need to walk outside? I was like, yes. 1072 01:01:40,985 --> 01:01:43,725 Yes, I do. Yeah. And then one time we went outside and it was fine. 1073 01:01:43,725 --> 01:01:44,885 There was one person out there, 1074 01:01:44,885 --> 01:01:46,965 and that was somebody that I'd had conversations with before. 1075 01:01:46,985 --> 01:01:48,445 So I was mostly comfortable. 1076 01:01:48,865 --> 01:01:53,485 And then the next time we went outside and I actually needed to be able to say 1077 01:01:53,485 --> 01:01:56,525 something to jb it was people we didn't know and I wasn't comfortable with. 1078 01:01:56,525 --> 01:02:01,205 And I was like, this is, I'm still overstimulated. Um, 1079 01:02:02,625 --> 01:02:04,885 and then we thought we'd never get to use the spanking bench. 1080 01:02:05,165 --> 01:02:07,365 'cause every time we thought, okay, we, it's our turn now. 1081 01:02:07,465 --> 01:02:08,685 It was somebody else's turn. 1082 01:02:09,225 --> 01:02:13,325 So finally when we got onto the spanking bench, we were, 1083 01:02:13,485 --> 01:02:17,925 I think we were both like in unique moods. Mm-Hmm. . Um, 1084 01:02:19,785 --> 01:02:21,205 and yet, yeah. Uh, 1085 01:02:22,305 --> 01:02:26,965 JB characterized that scene later in the best way. He's like, 1086 01:02:27,045 --> 01:02:29,685 I hit you. Like, I hated you. I'm like, I know . And I was like, 1087 01:02:29,725 --> 01:02:34,125 I loved it. . Um, it was, it was very short. It was very, very brief. 1088 01:02:35,105 --> 01:02:35,938 But very intense. 1089 01:02:36,155 --> 01:02:40,645 Very intense. 'cause I took harder impacts than I usually do. 1090 01:02:41,105 --> 01:02:45,405 Yes. We had, this is not something I would recommend to anybody ever. 1091 01:02:46,425 --> 01:02:49,125 Uh, we went by the energy and it worked. 1092 01:02:49,385 --> 01:02:54,365 We had a basic str basically a stranger, I still don't know their name. Uh, 1093 01:02:54,865 --> 01:02:58,565 wander into the scene. They stayed for five minutes. 1094 01:02:58,865 --> 01:03:03,565 We even let them pull out their flos. Um, that was intense. It was good. Mm-Hmm. 1095 01:03:03,605 --> 01:03:04,395 . Like, it was, 1096 01:03:04,395 --> 01:03:09,245 I've never been flogged like that with that much like ouchie to it. Ze. 1097 01:03:09,545 --> 01:03:11,365 Oh yeah. Mm-Hmm. . Um, but it was actually really good. 1098 01:03:12,265 --> 01:03:16,605 And then JB was like, okay, we're gonna play now just the two of us. Thanks. 1099 01:03:17,465 --> 01:03:21,845 Um, and I was, I think we were both still like in a weird head space from that. 1100 01:03:22,425 --> 01:03:25,525 But also it had, before that had happened, 1101 01:03:25,865 --> 01:03:29,925 it had started with like banter, um, 1102 01:03:31,555 --> 01:03:36,445 between us. And I was, y'all are shocked. I was being sassy. Um, . 1103 01:03:37,225 --> 01:03:40,285 And I knew I had an audience that was actually paying attention to what was 1104 01:03:40,285 --> 01:03:43,365 going on. And so it was like, there was a little bit of performance there, 1105 01:03:43,385 --> 01:03:45,805 but not much. But by the time we got through those, 1106 01:03:45,805 --> 01:03:48,125 like five minutes of that person, again, 1107 01:03:48,125 --> 01:03:50,885 whose name I literally still do not know. Um, 1108 01:03:52,425 --> 01:03:54,085 and we were back to just the two of us. 1109 01:03:54,665 --> 01:03:58,045 The energy had shifted between us and JB went, 1110 01:03:58,045 --> 01:04:02,485 you're gonna get your birthday spanking tonight. And I was like, yeah, okay. 1111 01:04:03,385 --> 01:04:07,285 And he used a paddle that is usually really hard for me to take. 1112 01:04:07,825 --> 01:04:10,325 And it was 44 plus one to grow on. 1113 01:04:12,065 --> 01:04:14,205 And by the end I was screaming. 1114 01:04:14,265 --> 01:04:18,845 And you said people were like stopping and coming to watch. And I was, oh, yeah. 1115 01:04:19,285 --> 01:04:22,285 Normally I'm aware of when there are eyes on me and I like play up to it. 1116 01:04:22,285 --> 01:04:26,125 Like it's, I like it as an exhibitionist, but I was not aware. 1117 01:04:26,945 --> 01:04:31,565 At all. And there were people who were, you know, watching this. And, 1118 01:04:31,565 --> 01:04:35,405 and the way I was going at her, you were like, I wonder what she did wrong. 1119 01:04:35,505 --> 01:04:38,525 Did she do something wrong? Was she bad? ? Yeah. No. 1120 01:04:38,625 --> 01:04:41,765 It was very, very good. Thank you very much. . Um, 1121 01:04:42,185 --> 01:04:45,245 and then after that I was super fucking relaxed. 1122 01:04:45,635 --> 01:04:47,405 Yeah, you were. Yeah, you were. 1123 01:04:48,465 --> 01:04:50,525 But I also, everybody had, 1124 01:04:50,525 --> 01:04:53,485 there'd been a lot of scenes at that point and people were kind of in their own 1125 01:04:53,485 --> 01:04:58,445 corners either going through aftercare or just like being kind of quiet and 1126 01:04:58,445 --> 01:04:59,525 mellowed out. Mm-Hmm. . 1127 01:04:59,525 --> 01:05:02,805 And I finally got into like just a one-on-one conversation instead of there 1128 01:05:02,805 --> 01:05:05,965 being like lots of people around. Um, but don't worry, 1129 01:05:06,205 --> 01:05:08,645 I am absolutely that party goer and several people. There were, 1130 01:05:09,125 --> 01:05:13,005 I really was among my people. My brain just couldn't handle it. Mm-Hmm. 1131 01:05:13,045 --> 01:05:14,685 . 'cause it was all too new. Um, 1132 01:05:14,805 --> 01:05:19,125 I am that party goer who will find your pet and spend more time talking to your 1133 01:05:19,225 --> 01:05:24,205 pet than you and be perfectly happy. There was this teeny tiny little chihuahua. 1134 01:05:24,785 --> 01:05:28,765 And instead of being like a, a mean bastard, like they can sometimes be, 1135 01:05:29,315 --> 01:05:32,205 this little baby was happy to be passed around from person to person. 1136 01:05:32,625 --> 01:05:35,605 And he ended up sleeping on me for a while. And I was in love. 1137 01:05:35,715 --> 01:05:37,125 That that little guy was adorable. 1138 01:05:37,425 --> 01:05:39,885 Was adorable. And I don't usually say that about Chihuahuas. Mm-Hmm. 1139 01:05:39,925 --> 01:05:40,805 . But that little guy was adorable. 1140 01:05:41,025 --> 01:05:44,205 And then there was a corgi who did that. I thought it was just a meme. 1141 01:05:44,245 --> 01:05:47,845 I thought it was just a thing. People laughed about multiple times, 1142 01:05:47,985 --> 01:05:51,765 did that thing where they look back, but basically over their little furry butt. 1143 01:05:52,065 --> 01:05:56,885 And I was like, oh my God, corgis really do do that. . Um, 1144 01:05:56,985 --> 01:06:00,005 and then I, we both tried to get a cat to love us. Um, 1145 01:06:00,065 --> 01:06:04,685 and JB is usually the cat whisperer and no go, no go. The cat was like, me, 1146 01:06:04,745 --> 01:06:09,005 you're fine, but you're not, you're not that good. Right. Um, . 1147 01:06:09,585 --> 01:06:11,205 But, but yes, I am the person. 1148 01:06:11,265 --> 01:06:14,965 If I'm put into a situation where it is like somebody's abode, 1149 01:06:15,025 --> 01:06:17,005 if you have a pet, that's who's gonna get my attention. 1150 01:06:17,305 --> 01:06:22,125 But see, we, we actually even talked about that afterwards and, you know, 1151 01:06:22,785 --> 01:06:26,965 um, because it looks like, you know, for us to really get some play in, 1152 01:06:26,965 --> 01:06:31,325 especially with some of the changes coming up in the future, um, 1153 01:06:31,905 --> 01:06:35,885 you know, parties like this are gonna become more of a thing for us. Mm-Hmm. 1154 01:06:35,925 --> 01:06:39,985 . Mm-Hmm. . And, um, you know, I, 1155 01:06:40,265 --> 01:06:44,785 I had some thoughts on that. And, and last night I had to go pick up, uh, 1156 01:06:44,855 --> 01:06:49,785 some coils for my E-cig and, 1157 01:06:50,005 --> 01:06:54,665 um, took Kayla along with us. Uh, this, 1158 01:06:54,735 --> 01:06:58,385 this shop that I, that I deal with for, for the vape. Um, 1159 01:07:02,415 --> 01:07:06,025 they deal in a lot of different things. And you know, 1160 01:07:06,085 --> 01:07:09,825 one of the things is they do have C, B, D and, you know, I've, 1161 01:07:09,825 --> 01:07:14,265 I've heard a lot of different things about it. Um, never really looked into it, 1162 01:07:14,805 --> 01:07:15,638 but, uh, 1163 01:07:15,975 --> 01:07:19,705 went there last night and we kind of talked with them a little bit about it. 1164 01:07:19,725 --> 01:07:22,585 And, you know, what it, what it can be used for, what it does, 1165 01:07:23,125 --> 01:07:25,145 how it different differences, you know, 1166 01:07:25,335 --> 01:07:29,945 from getting something at a dispensary as opposed to this. 1167 01:07:30,645 --> 01:07:31,478 And, and I think. 1168 01:07:31,595 --> 01:07:35,225 Which one has a calming effect? Which one has a, you'll get a little high, 1169 01:07:35,325 --> 01:07:38,025 but then you'll be calm. Right. Which one's gonna give you the munchies. 1170 01:07:38,175 --> 01:07:42,385 Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I I think we're going to, uh, you know, 1171 01:07:42,385 --> 01:07:46,945 with her in mind gives something like this a try and see if this kind of helps 1172 01:07:47,455 --> 01:07:49,985 calm you a little bit in those situations. Yeah. 1173 01:07:50,375 --> 01:07:51,205 Yeah. 1174 01:07:51,205 --> 01:07:53,985 You know, and, uh, I, 1175 01:07:54,185 --> 01:07:57,985 I was kind of shocked when I went there because this was something new. Um, 1176 01:07:58,665 --> 01:07:59,475 apparently they, 1177 01:07:59,475 --> 01:08:03,945 there has been found a loophole in the state of Florida's law. 1178 01:08:04,365 --> 01:08:07,225 And I walk, you know, I walk in there and, uh, 1179 01:08:07,425 --> 01:08:11,665 I got what I needed to get and was like, okay, well, you know, 1180 01:08:12,475 --> 01:08:16,165 wanna look around and, and I see these jars, these big, 1181 01:08:16,265 --> 01:08:20,885 big jars on the counter. One, one spot lined up. And I'm looking at, 1182 01:08:20,945 --> 01:08:23,285 I'm like, oh, I, I know what those are. 1183 01:08:23,605 --> 01:08:24,765 I remember those from 30. 1184 01:08:24,765 --> 01:08:29,045 Years ago. , I, I remember this. And, and, and I, 1185 01:08:29,705 --> 01:08:34,445 you know, seeing it out in the open, um, you know, in, in, 1186 01:08:34,445 --> 01:08:38,885 in dispensaries it's usually behind, you know? And, and I was like, 1187 01:08:39,835 --> 01:08:44,405 okay, do you, you know, is this, you need a medical card for this? 1188 01:08:44,585 --> 01:08:46,325 And like, no. 1189 01:08:46,945 --> 01:08:49,645 Oh, let us tell you how this works. And we were educated. 1190 01:08:49,785 --> 01:08:52,885 And, and, and, and the young lady there, she, she, 1191 01:08:52,985 --> 01:08:55,165 she gave me quite the education. I was like, well, 1192 01:08:55,165 --> 01:08:58,365 this is very different from my day when I was young . 1193 01:08:58,665 --> 01:09:00,005 And I'm over there just being quiet. 1194 01:09:00,035 --> 01:09:04,605 Like I was that goody two shoes who has no experience with any of this. Yeah. 1195 01:09:04,605 --> 01:09:05,405 So I'm just gonna be. 1196 01:09:05,405 --> 01:09:07,845 Quiet. . Yeah. So, um, 1197 01:09:10,585 --> 01:09:13,965 you know, I I, um, may, 1198 01:09:14,105 --> 01:09:16,845 may end up giving this try even for myself. 1199 01:09:17,235 --> 01:09:20,165 Just, just dose me before we go anywhere. , 1200 01:09:20,545 --> 01:09:21,965 here's your special gummy. 1201 01:09:21,965 --> 01:09:26,685 Yeah. Okay. . So, you know, um, yeah. It was, 1202 01:09:26,685 --> 01:09:31,525 it was kind of an interesting, uh, evening last night and. 1203 01:09:31,525 --> 01:09:33,045 Uh, yeah. It was Ed. Yeah. 'cause it. 1204 01:09:33,045 --> 01:09:34,245 It was very educational. 1205 01:09:34,505 --> 01:09:39,445 I'm wound way too tight in all social Yeah. Moments these days. And it's, yeah. 1206 01:09:39,665 --> 01:09:42,925 It, I don't wanna say it's debilitating 'cause we're not at that level, 1207 01:09:43,025 --> 01:09:45,845 but if Mm-Hmm. , I don't figure out how to manage it. 1208 01:09:45,965 --> 01:09:46,845 I think it could be, 1209 01:09:47,405 --> 01:09:52,325 I think it could be something where I just try never to talk to anybody or, 1210 01:09:53,305 --> 01:09:58,205 you know, I already don't go a lot of places anyway, but, so Yeah. Mm-Hmm. 1211 01:09:58,245 --> 01:10:00,845 I was like, part of it was, you know, 1212 01:10:01,405 --> 01:10:05,085 I want to primarily for j B's sake, 1213 01:10:05,405 --> 01:10:07,845 'cause I am that person left to her own devices. 1214 01:10:08,435 --> 01:10:12,685 Just probably never come outta my house. I mean, unless I had to . Um, 1215 01:10:13,045 --> 01:10:15,965 I want to be around community more. 1216 01:10:16,005 --> 01:10:19,645 I want us to be out there doing the things. Yeah. 1217 01:10:19,645 --> 01:10:21,925 Mostly 'cause I wanna be doing them with jb I don't really care about doing 1218 01:10:21,925 --> 01:10:26,165 them. I just wanna do the Jimmy . Um, but it was, 1219 01:10:27,225 --> 01:10:31,565 it was, I don't know if painful is the right word. I mean, the, 1220 01:10:32,385 --> 01:10:37,005 it was weird because on a, on one level, like logically analytically, 1221 01:10:37,905 --> 01:10:42,725 you know, it was a good place to be. It was good people to be around. 1222 01:10:42,835 --> 01:10:45,565 Yeah. It, yeah. You know, like, it kills me. 'cause it's like, well, 1223 01:10:45,565 --> 01:10:48,965 this should have been a good time. And, you know, like Mm-Hmm. 1224 01:10:49,005 --> 01:10:52,045 there was, were people that we know and have talked to that, 1225 01:10:52,225 --> 01:10:54,965 you know, you know better than I do that we've, you know Mm-Hmm. 1226 01:10:55,005 --> 01:10:58,005 it, this was not like we'd walked in and, you know, 1227 01:10:58,245 --> 01:11:01,485 strangers to a munch or something. Right, right. Like it, and I was like, I, 1228 01:11:01,915 --> 01:11:04,645 this is, this is hard. I think this is harder than it has to be. 1229 01:11:04,645 --> 01:11:08,325 Yeah. I mean they, so, you know, I, I've been to several of their, 1230 01:11:08,375 --> 01:11:12,085 their parties now is the first time Kayla. But, um, 1231 01:11:13,305 --> 01:11:16,965 you know, they, they do it really, really well. I mean, they, they are, 1232 01:11:17,585 --> 01:11:21,805 you know, very big on, on on consent. Mm-Hmm. and, you know, 1233 01:11:22,705 --> 01:11:26,285 um, respecting boundaries and, and different things like that. 1234 01:11:26,825 --> 01:11:30,845 Whi which is absolutely good. Um, you know, , 1235 01:11:31,505 --> 01:11:33,605 my gosh, everybody, um, 1236 01:11:35,255 --> 01:11:40,245 chips in and, uh, you know, brings a dish, some kind of food. 1237 01:11:40,425 --> 01:11:43,765 Mm-Hmm. , you know, and, and there, there's plenty of food and, 1238 01:11:43,825 --> 01:11:48,565 and, and, you know, drink to go around. Um, 1239 01:11:49,355 --> 01:11:51,245 they, they do not, um, 1240 01:11:54,285 --> 01:11:57,195 allow alcohol at the parties. 1241 01:11:57,695 --> 01:11:59,555 Oh. There's a vetting process to even get to. 1242 01:11:59,555 --> 01:12:03,195 Go there. There, there's a vetting process to get into the parties. So, 1243 01:12:03,415 --> 01:12:04,248 you know. 1244 01:12:04,575 --> 01:12:05,405 Um, Mr. 1245 01:12:05,405 --> 01:12:09,675 Spock made a good comment that to make sure that poor Mr doesn't have to worry 1246 01:12:09,675 --> 01:12:11,315 about us at least. Mm-Hmm. , Mr. Buck said, 1247 01:12:11,315 --> 01:12:13,235 I feel the obligation to point out that if you're going to play, 1248 01:12:13,235 --> 01:12:16,115 especially in public after taking TC slash cbd, 1249 01:12:16,115 --> 01:12:18,635 you really need to make sure you know how it impacts you first. 1250 01:12:18,875 --> 01:12:21,995 'cause it can Yes. Right. We, uh, that was, that's first our thing. 1251 01:12:21,995 --> 01:12:22,995 We are not gonna go anywhere. 1252 01:12:23,605 --> 01:12:27,675 Until No, no, no. It, until we know it's, it's, it's gonna be something that, 1253 01:12:27,935 --> 01:12:32,795 you know, especially with, in Kayla's case, have her try at home. Mm-Hmm. 1254 01:12:33,045 --> 01:12:37,355 First and, you know, see how, how it does impact her and, and, you know, 1255 01:12:37,385 --> 01:12:38,555 whatnot. So, Mm-Hmm. 1256 01:12:38,575 --> 01:12:39,265 And I've watched, 1257 01:12:39,265 --> 01:12:42,475 I've been on the internet enough to know that if I take a small amount and I 1258 01:12:42,475 --> 01:12:44,835 think nothing's happening, do not take more . 1259 01:12:44,835 --> 01:12:48,635 More Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 1260 01:12:48,995 --> 01:12:52,755 'Cause apparently that's when you fuck yourself. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, 1261 01:12:52,825 --> 01:12:56,155 yeah. We were even because with between his back and, and my, 1262 01:12:56,615 --> 01:12:58,675 and even your mental health stuff. Mm-Hmm. , we were like, 1263 01:12:58,775 --> 01:13:01,155 should we see about getting a medical marijuana card? 1264 01:13:01,225 --> 01:13:04,075 Like that's an option here. And Right. It's like, uh, 1265 01:13:04,455 --> 01:13:06,115 if it can do something for, you know, 1266 01:13:06,145 --> 01:13:10,795 pain that you experience or anxiety that I experienced, like legitimately. Yeah. 1267 01:13:11,055 --> 01:13:11,888 You know. 1268 01:13:12,415 --> 01:13:17,035 But, well, I mean, even, even for me, I'm, I'm looking at it a little bit more, 1269 01:13:18,055 --> 01:13:22,795 um, you know, because the, the, the things that I was looking at, you know, 1270 01:13:23,255 --> 01:13:27,075 she was explaining how, you know, this particular thing does not 1271 01:13:28,815 --> 01:13:32,755 get you as high as like, you know, typical cannabis. Mm-Hmm. 1272 01:13:32,795 --> 01:13:36,915 would. And, um, you know, it, it's more, um, 1273 01:13:39,415 --> 01:13:42,235 uh, you know, to help you relax. You know, you want to, 1274 01:13:42,335 --> 01:13:46,795 you want to wind your day down and, and sit down and relax. Um, you know, 1275 01:13:47,035 --> 01:13:51,035 I I will freely say since taking the Wellbutrin, um, 1276 01:13:51,415 --> 01:13:55,315 I'm sleeping better. Not great yet, 1277 01:13:55,415 --> 01:13:58,635 but better than I had been, um, you know, 1278 01:13:58,635 --> 01:14:02,875 something like this once in a while where to help me Sure. Just, you know, get, 1279 01:14:02,935 --> 01:14:03,995 get through that, um, 1280 01:14:07,685 --> 01:14:12,605 you know, get even just a little bit better night's sleep. Um, yeah. 1281 01:14:13,085 --> 01:14:16,045 I can't imagine being actually relaxed, but Sure. Mm-Hmm. , we, 1282 01:14:16,145 --> 01:14:18,645 we can, uh, experiment with actual relaxation. 1283 01:14:19,235 --> 01:14:24,125 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, um, yeah. 1284 01:14:24,175 --> 01:14:28,925 We'll, we'll see. You know, and we'll, we will give it a try and see how Mm-Hmm. 1285 01:14:28,965 --> 01:14:33,245 . So was that what you wanted to talk about at the top? Yeah. Oh, 1286 01:14:33,315 --> 01:14:35,365 okay. See, we got there. We got there. 1287 01:14:35,365 --> 01:14:38,045 Y'all. And, and now you can go into the rest of what you. 1288 01:14:38,505 --> 01:14:42,325 No, I was just gonna talk about, um, the play party. 1289 01:14:42,785 --> 01:14:43,565 Oh, okay. That. 1290 01:14:43,565 --> 01:14:46,285 Was it. That's our big thing. I ain't got nothing. I mean, 1291 01:14:46,285 --> 01:14:49,925 I had my birthday on Monday. I'm 44 now. I had cake. 1292 01:14:50,355 --> 01:14:52,245 Yeah, you did. We still have cake. We still have cake. 1293 01:14:52,645 --> 01:14:54,925 . Yeah. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. 1294 01:14:54,945 --> 01:14:57,205 You made sure that it was mostly purple. Mm-Hmm. . 1295 01:14:57,465 --> 01:15:02,445 And there were buttercream roses on top. Yeah. And I got the purple one, so, 1296 01:15:02,445 --> 01:15:03,278 Mm-Hmm. . 1297 01:15:03,305 --> 01:15:05,405 You know, Christie, that that's what it was. Um, 1298 01:15:05,415 --> 01:15:10,365 Delta eight that they were showing us last night talking about. Yeah. 1299 01:15:12,185 --> 01:15:13,018 So, yeah. 1300 01:15:13,065 --> 01:15:13,898 Yep. I. 1301 01:15:14,245 --> 01:15:18,245 I basically said, and I, if I'm gonna ingest something, I need to be aware. 1302 01:15:18,665 --> 01:15:20,365 I'm aware of that. Mm-Hmm. . But also, sometimes, 1303 01:15:20,365 --> 01:15:23,885 sometimes there's a benefit to be in this Miss baby girl. I said, 1304 01:15:24,725 --> 01:15:27,885 'cause it all sounds like gobbledygook in my head. like, whatever. 1305 01:15:28,425 --> 01:15:30,325 So I said to jb, I was like, look, 1306 01:15:31,345 --> 01:15:34,325 you do what you need to do to figure this stuff out, and you just, 1307 01:15:34,545 --> 01:15:37,765 you just bring it to me. I have no problem if you do the research. 1308 01:15:38,275 --> 01:15:41,165 I'll have questions before I pop something in my mouth. Yeah. Like, 1309 01:15:41,225 --> 01:15:43,325 I'm too paranoid not to Mm-Hmm. . 1310 01:15:43,865 --> 01:15:47,165 But if I had to try to take on learning about that stuff when I have no 1311 01:15:47,165 --> 01:15:49,965 experience with it to begin with. Yeah. On top of everything else I, 1312 01:15:50,185 --> 01:15:53,765 I'm dealing with on some personal stuff right now. Like, I couldn't it, 1313 01:15:54,185 --> 01:15:56,445 so I was like, no, no, no. I trust you. It's good. It's good. Mm-Hmm. 1314 01:15:56,485 --> 01:15:58,685 , I'll ask you questions when it, it's like go time , 1315 01:15:59,025 --> 01:16:02,365 but for the research purposes, you go right ahead. . Yeah. 1316 01:16:02,965 --> 01:16:05,325 I abdicate all responsibility. . 1317 01:16:05,425 --> 01:16:06,685 Mm-Hmm. . 1318 01:16:07,235 --> 01:16:12,005 Look, there's gotta be a benefit to this thing. So. 1319 01:16:12,915 --> 01:16:15,605 Well, you know, some, um, what, 1320 01:16:15,635 --> 01:16:20,445 what Kayla hadn't really touched, she touched a little bit on it earlier, but, 1321 01:16:20,665 --> 01:16:25,165 um, you know, part, part of this whole thing is because the, uh, the youngest, 1322 01:16:25,865 --> 01:16:30,645 um, has made a decision to go ahead and, 1323 01:16:30,705 --> 01:16:31,685 and homeschool. 1324 01:16:31,985 --> 01:16:35,885 His health is, we don't know if it's all mental, 1325 01:16:35,945 --> 01:16:40,165 but his mental health is impacting his physical health and it is deteriorating. 1326 01:16:40,985 --> 01:16:44,605 And we've, we're going to doctors, we're doing the thing we need to do. Mm-Hmm. 1327 01:16:44,645 --> 01:16:48,805 . I'm waiting on a referral from a GI doctor for him. Yeah. Um, 1328 01:16:49,065 --> 01:16:53,565 but he's miserable. He hasn't been to school in the past three days now. Um, 1329 01:16:53,865 --> 01:16:56,325 so yeah. I mean, it's, he, 1330 01:16:56,625 --> 01:17:00,525 we were talking last night trying to get him to go to bed at a semi decent time. 1331 01:17:00,525 --> 01:17:00,885 Mm-Hmm. 1332 01:17:00,885 --> 01:17:01,665 . 1333 01:17:01,665 --> 01:17:03,485 And that was the decision he came to. And I went, 1334 01:17:03,545 --> 01:17:05,845 you have to sleep on it before I will act on this. 1335 01:17:06,345 --> 01:17:10,085 And I went to wake him up this morning. I let him sleep in, 1336 01:17:10,085 --> 01:17:14,205 he wasn't going to school. And I went in and his eyes open and he went, 1337 01:17:14,305 --> 01:17:17,125 so have you started the process yet for this? And I went, 1338 01:17:17,245 --> 01:17:20,765 I was waiting to confirm with you that this is still what you want. Mm-Hmm. 1339 01:17:20,805 --> 01:17:24,085 . So, yeah. We're gonna have some changes around here, hopefully. 1340 01:17:24,085 --> 01:17:28,205 Yep. Hopefully for the better. I'm going off book again though. I'm going like, 1341 01:17:28,295 --> 01:17:31,485 we're throwing away the instruction manual on life. Yeah. And I'm and. 1342 01:17:31,485 --> 01:17:33,925 It on, on what it's supposed to be. Yes. It. 1343 01:17:33,925 --> 01:17:37,365 Freaks me out, but I know what we're capable of. Right. And it'll be. 1344 01:17:37,435 --> 01:17:41,205 Fine. It's, uh, yeah. It's, it's a little freaky for me too. Mm-Hmm. 1345 01:17:41,245 --> 01:17:45,445 . But, um, yeah. I I have no doubt we'll, uh, navigate it. Yeah. 1346 01:17:45,915 --> 01:17:48,045 Hopefully with good humor. That would be nice. Yep. 1347 01:17:48,165 --> 01:17:49,325 , right? . If not with. 1348 01:17:49,325 --> 01:17:52,605 Good humor, then with a Jack and Diet Coke. Okay. There. 1349 01:17:52,605 --> 01:17:53,438 You go. That's all I'm signing. 1350 01:17:53,645 --> 01:17:54,478 . 1351 01:17:54,635 --> 01:17:54,925 Lots. 1352 01:17:54,925 --> 01:17:56,925 Of or a coffee martini here. Gumm. 1353 01:17:56,985 --> 01:17:59,445 You know, gummies. So many gummies. All the gummies. . 1354 01:18:00,455 --> 01:18:01,965 Don't think you're supposed to do it that way, but whatever. 1355 01:18:01,965 --> 01:18:06,365 No, you're not. Okay. I'm gonna limit you there. You know, so. 1356 01:18:06,725 --> 01:18:07,558 . 1357 01:18:09,995 --> 01:18:11,765 Okay, so that's a lot all. 1358 01:18:11,765 --> 01:18:13,965 At once. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Uh. 1359 01:18:14,125 --> 01:18:17,725 I don't know if the topic this week was any good. I, it felt a little heavy. 1360 01:18:18,225 --> 01:18:21,885 It did. I didn't mean for it to for it to. 1361 01:18:22,025 --> 01:18:24,005 You have to come up with something lighter for next call. 1362 01:18:24,065 --> 01:18:24,965 Oh, I have an idea. 1363 01:18:25,585 --> 01:18:27,245 Do good. Have an idea, . I. 1364 01:18:27,245 --> 01:18:30,405 Do. And it might even not like our, 1365 01:18:30,455 --> 01:18:32,325 y'all the core group that are like, 1366 01:18:32,325 --> 01:18:35,525 are gonna be here most times anyway as your schedules. Mm-Hmm. . 1367 01:18:35,665 --> 01:18:37,485 But, but for people who just like randomly find us, 1368 01:18:37,485 --> 01:18:39,365 I think it might even piss 'em off. So it'll be fun. 1369 01:18:40,045 --> 01:18:42,765 . Hey. So. 1370 01:18:45,615 --> 01:18:46,485 Andre says, 1371 01:18:46,625 --> 01:18:49,805 I'm guessing that the whole homeschool thing will affect play and livestream. 1372 01:18:49,805 --> 01:18:51,125 Livestream. Probably not so much. 1373 01:18:51,445 --> 01:18:55,045 Although we did talk about maybe changing the schedule just, just for ourselves. 1374 01:18:55,145 --> 01:18:57,205 Mm-Hmm. , um, play. Yes. That's why we're, 1375 01:18:57,215 --> 01:19:01,365 we're trying to navigate how to do play parties. 'cause home, 1376 01:19:02,305 --> 01:19:06,845 um, uh, play will will be catch as catch can. 1377 01:19:07,145 --> 01:19:11,605 So Yeah. Yep. Yep. But you know, it, 1378 01:19:11,745 --> 01:19:15,805 it also seems that, um, you know, between the parties, um, 1379 01:19:15,895 --> 01:19:20,805 there are more people that are starting to put on events. Mm-Hmm. 1380 01:19:20,845 --> 01:19:23,845 in this area. Mm-Hmm. . Uh, which is, 1381 01:19:24,135 --> 01:19:29,005 which will be nice, you know, more opportunity, uh, for that. 1382 01:19:29,265 --> 01:19:33,765 So, you know, without having to travel all the way to Orlando. 1383 01:19:34,245 --> 01:19:35,078 I know. 1384 01:19:35,425 --> 01:19:36,765 Oh, that's what I didn't, 1385 01:19:37,125 --> 01:19:39,525 I there was something I could say in the bonus section. Ah. 1386 01:19:39,655 --> 01:19:40,488 There you go. See. 1387 01:19:40,585 --> 01:19:42,205 You said Orlando and it made me think of it. 1388 01:19:42,305 --> 01:19:44,645 Oh, and that, that tripped the trigger, huh? Mm-Hmm. . 1389 01:19:44,645 --> 01:19:46,685 Okay. I kept a secret for over a. 1390 01:19:46,685 --> 01:19:49,205 Month. She did. And it was a hell of a secret. 1391 01:19:49,905 --> 01:19:51,525 So I don't know how many of y'all remember it. 1392 01:19:51,585 --> 01:19:54,845 We tend to say something about it, uh, 1393 01:19:55,155 --> 01:19:56,965 basically almost every December. 1394 01:19:57,515 --> 01:19:57,995 Yeah. 1395 01:19:57,995 --> 01:20:00,885 Because that's when we find out, they're usually coming near where we're at. 1396 01:20:00,985 --> 01:20:02,285 And it's at that point too late. 1397 01:20:03,625 --> 01:20:07,605 So for J B's wedding anniversary present and Christmas, it's all of it. 1398 01:20:07,755 --> 01:20:09,405 He's getting nothing. Yeah. . 1399 01:20:10,785 --> 01:20:13,565 Hey. It's a big thing. I'm, I'm cool with that. It's. 1400 01:20:13,805 --> 01:20:16,885 I got us. And this us includes the kids as well. 1401 01:20:17,395 --> 01:20:21,165 Tickets to finally see Trans Siberian Orchestra. Yes. 1402 01:20:21,165 --> 01:20:26,085 In their Christmas ul lolly, uh, right before Christmas in Orlando. 1403 01:20:27,065 --> 01:20:29,565 Um, yeah. We're going to that. 1404 01:20:29,665 --> 01:20:33,565 And not only did I manage to do it and him not know , 1405 01:20:33,565 --> 01:20:35,805 but I didn't fucking spill the beans. 1406 01:20:36,545 --> 01:20:37,165 No. She didn't. 1407 01:20:37,165 --> 01:20:37,985 For over a month. 1408 01:20:37,985 --> 01:20:40,805 And it was so funny because I have sometimes the memory of a goldfish. 1409 01:20:41,345 --> 01:20:45,165 So I did the thing and I was like, nervous. He was gonna find out I had to like, 1410 01:20:45,885 --> 01:20:48,365 download the Ticketmaster app 'cause I don't have that fucking app on my phone. 1411 01:20:48,785 --> 01:20:50,765 And I was getting these emails and I was like, okay, 1412 01:20:50,825 --> 01:20:53,925 he doesn't read over my shoulder, but what if he saw something and wondered? 1413 01:20:55,225 --> 01:20:57,885 And I was like, okay. And, and it came from an amazing, 1414 01:20:57,955 --> 01:21:01,965 wonderful tip from somebody in the loving BDSM dms. You know who you are. 1415 01:21:02,245 --> 01:21:05,085 Thank you so much. Um, and I was like, he never checks the dms, 1416 01:21:05,085 --> 01:21:08,565 but what if he does this one time? Like, I was like, right. So in those moments, 1417 01:21:08,685 --> 01:21:10,965 I was like freaking out that he would find out. 1418 01:21:11,145 --> 01:21:14,365 And then time passed and I stopped thinking about it and had to start reminding 1419 01:21:14,365 --> 01:21:16,485 myself, you are gonna have to tell him. When are you gonna tell him? 1420 01:21:16,485 --> 01:21:18,525 And I was like, I'll tell him on our wedding anniversary that, 1421 01:21:18,525 --> 01:21:19,925 and it's a present, so that'll work. 1422 01:21:21,305 --> 01:21:25,125 So I forgot about it until I would remind myself, but I was fine. I wasn't, 1423 01:21:25,125 --> 01:21:27,405 wasn't antsy. I was like, okay, that, you know, when you're gonna tell 'em, 1424 01:21:27,405 --> 01:21:29,485 it's fine. It's Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Day of our wedding anniversary, 1425 01:21:29,805 --> 01:21:34,685 I was like holding the words back from my face because I was 1426 01:21:34,705 --> 01:21:35,765 so desperate to tell him. 1427 01:21:35,765 --> 01:21:40,365 But I didn't wanna tell him while we were like washing fucking dishes or like, 1428 01:21:40,505 --> 01:21:44,005 you know, cleaning out our ears after a shower. Like that's, 1429 01:21:44,865 --> 01:21:46,885 we went to a new, to us coffee shop, 1430 01:21:46,895 --> 01:21:50,205 Uhhuh had an excellent coffee and I got to tell 'em then. Mm-Hmm. 1431 01:21:50,245 --> 01:21:53,285 . But it was like tumbling out of my mouth at that point. Like, 1432 01:21:53,285 --> 01:21:54,765 I couldn't have contained myself a moment longer. 1433 01:21:55,145 --> 01:21:55,845 And, uh, but yeah, 1434 01:21:55,845 --> 01:21:59,045 here I'm sitting in this coffee shop and my jaw just about dropped to the 1435 01:21:59,045 --> 01:21:59,878 ground. Mm-Hmm. . 1436 01:22:00,325 --> 01:22:02,925 because he was like, he was teasing me the day or two before. 1437 01:22:03,085 --> 01:22:05,165 'cause I was like, I'm gonna tell you on our anniversary. And he is like, okay. 1438 01:22:05,165 --> 01:22:07,245 He's like, I think I know what it might be. And I'm like, 1439 01:22:07,595 --> 01:22:11,965 like my eyes are all wide. Like, at first I said, if, if you've guessed this, 1440 01:22:11,965 --> 01:22:14,685 when I tell you you lie to me, you lie to me. And let me think of the surprise. 1441 01:22:14,865 --> 01:22:17,365 And then the more I thought about that, I was like, no, I, I don't like that. 1442 01:22:17,565 --> 01:22:20,405 'cause I'll always figure out that I've, that he'd lied and then I'd be like, 1443 01:22:20,405 --> 01:22:22,565 well then I can't trust him to tell me other things. 1444 01:22:22,565 --> 01:22:27,405 So I stopped myself and went, no, if when I tell you you figured it out, 1445 01:22:27,665 --> 01:22:30,965 you have to tell me because then you have to tell me how you figured it out so I 1446 01:22:30,965 --> 01:22:34,965 know how to circumvent you for future surprises. And so I wasn't, 1447 01:22:35,445 --> 01:22:38,405 I was nervous when I finally told him because I was like, oh my God, 1448 01:22:38,405 --> 01:22:41,925 what if he figured this out? And his jaw literally dropped. 1449 01:22:41,985 --> 01:22:44,165 It was the fucking best. Uh, 1450 01:22:44,355 --> 01:22:48,205 it's nice to make your jaw drop and it not be because I'm crazy. . 1451 01:22:48,485 --> 01:22:49,195 . 1452 01:22:49,195 --> 01:22:50,028 It's a really. 1453 01:22:50,495 --> 01:22:51,685 Right. It's not. 1454 01:22:51,685 --> 01:22:53,405 Because of some fucked up shit that. 1455 01:22:53,485 --> 01:22:57,685 I just said . Right. So, you know, no, I, I, 1456 01:22:57,925 --> 01:23:02,845 I have listened to Urian Orchestra for 1457 01:23:02,935 --> 01:23:07,365 years. Um, love their Christmas. 1458 01:23:07,675 --> 01:23:09,925 It's the Ghost of Christmas Past or something. 1459 01:23:09,925 --> 01:23:11,245 Like that. Yeah. That's, I think the show's called this. 1460 01:23:11,245 --> 01:23:12,645 Year's. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Yeah. 1461 01:23:12,645 --> 01:23:15,485 And it was so funny 'cause I was talking to the kids 'cause I was not gonna buy 1462 01:23:15,675 --> 01:23:20,405 four fucking tickets if these children did not want to go. Yeah. And you know, 1463 01:23:20,425 --> 01:23:22,285 the youngest, I, he, he's 1464 01:23:23,785 --> 01:23:27,005 big loud crowds and spaces and noise that could be very overstimulating. 1465 01:23:27,005 --> 01:23:30,245 So I was asking him first and I was like, do you think you can manage? 1466 01:23:30,365 --> 01:23:33,845 I was like, we'll, you know, get you some noise canceling earbuds. 1467 01:23:33,845 --> 01:23:35,605 We'll do whatever we need to do for you. Yeah. 1468 01:23:35,745 --> 01:23:37,965 But do you think you could do this? He's like, yeah, I think I could. 1469 01:23:38,385 --> 01:23:39,645 And I think I even played some, 1470 01:23:39,645 --> 01:23:42,405 like some of their music on YouTube for him to listen. 1471 01:23:42,405 --> 01:23:43,965 Like this is the kind of thing you'd hear. Mm-Hmm. . 1472 01:23:44,305 --> 01:23:47,845 So then the one I was really skeptical about was the 18 year old . 1473 01:23:47,865 --> 01:23:51,405 I'm like, oh, you know, big college kid. He is not, you know, 1474 01:23:51,405 --> 01:23:52,405 is he gonna wanna do this? 1475 01:23:52,425 --> 01:23:56,005 And so I text him while I'm planning all of this and on, 1476 01:23:56,065 --> 01:23:59,045 I'm on all of the Trans Siberian orchestra list now. I got, 1477 01:23:59,045 --> 01:24:01,885 I won the lotto to be lottery lotto. Lord, 1478 01:24:01,905 --> 01:24:05,725 I'm so Florida the lottery to be able to buy the good, good seats early. 1479 01:24:05,785 --> 01:24:08,845 And then I saw the cost of the good, good seats. I went, no, no, 1480 01:24:08,885 --> 01:24:11,605 I can't buy them. Uh, we bought the cheap seats. Um, anyway, 1481 01:24:12,425 --> 01:24:16,605 so I text the oldest and I'm like, Hey, uh, I'm gonna do this. It's a secret. 1482 01:24:16,745 --> 01:24:20,445 So shut your trap, but would you want to go? Do you want me to buy you a ticket? 1483 01:24:20,445 --> 01:24:23,965 And he went, holy shit. Yes. Hell yeah. And I was like, . 1484 01:24:25,345 --> 01:24:29,405 But he is the music kid. So there's that. Yeah. Yeah. But then I go, okay, cool. 1485 01:24:29,405 --> 01:24:30,205 That's what I need to know. 1486 01:24:30,205 --> 01:24:32,085 You're gonna need to make sure you're home at that point. 1487 01:24:32,305 --> 01:24:35,045 But hopefully he'll come home for more than just Christmas Day. Anyway. 1488 01:24:35,585 --> 01:24:38,525 So , I buy the tickets. 1489 01:24:39,105 --> 01:24:43,565 I'm queuing a secret from jb I'm telling the ki the oldest about it. And I go, 1490 01:24:43,565 --> 01:24:46,325 yeah, we're gonna go do the two 30 matinee one. 1491 01:24:46,325 --> 01:24:51,045 We're gonna go middle of the day. And he goes, oh, gross . I was like, 1492 01:24:51,045 --> 01:24:54,565 look, we are old. Yeah. We could go to the seven 30 show, 1493 01:24:54,705 --> 01:24:58,485 but neither of us is gonna wanna drive back from Orlando at like 11 o'clock at 1494 01:24:58,485 --> 01:25:01,045 night. If we go to the two 30 show, we get to go to the show and relax. 1495 01:25:01,065 --> 01:25:04,925 And maybe we go have some dinner at a place in Orlando we could never go to. 1496 01:25:05,165 --> 01:25:08,125 'cause we don't live here. And so just like, come on man. 1497 01:25:08,195 --> 01:25:10,765 I'll buy you free food. I haven't told 'em that. If we have the money, 1498 01:25:10,765 --> 01:25:15,525 I'll even buy 'em a little souvenir from the concert, by the way, 1499 01:25:15,665 --> 01:25:17,805 if you want. So yes, if I buy one for a child, 1500 01:25:17,805 --> 01:25:20,405 of course I would buy one for you. . It's your present. 1501 01:25:21,275 --> 01:25:26,045 They just get to be along for the ride. Uh, so yeah. So yeah. 1502 01:25:26,075 --> 01:25:30,325 It's, it's, I I'm so proud of me. I'm so grateful for the person. You, 1503 01:25:30,325 --> 01:25:33,405 you did good. You did good. Who DMed with the link and went, Ooh, by the way, 1504 01:25:33,605 --> 01:25:36,525 they're about to put these on sale. You, you know, I know y'all talk about it. 1505 01:25:36,565 --> 01:25:41,005 I was like, ah. Then I had to come back. 'cause I was like, you know, p you, 1506 01:25:41,005 --> 01:25:42,485 you might talk to somebody in DMS here, 1507 01:25:42,485 --> 01:25:45,205 but you might talk to them in other places. So I came back and went, okay, 1508 01:25:45,205 --> 01:25:47,965 I've done the thing. Shh. Do not mention this anywhere. 1509 01:25:51,405 --> 01:25:55,205 I mean, I, I really thought it was something that I would never get to do. 1510 01:25:56,565 --> 01:25:57,515 Stick with me kid. 1511 01:25:58,355 --> 01:25:59,188 . 1512 01:26:02,355 --> 01:26:05,685 I did it. Good . You did. You did. You did. You did good. 1513 01:26:05,705 --> 01:26:08,205 I'm so fucking pleased with myself. You did good. I, I did the thing. 1514 01:26:08,345 --> 01:26:10,485 You did really good. And now I'm on their fucking list. 1515 01:26:10,545 --> 01:26:13,805 So maybe one day we don't have to buy the cheap seats. . 1516 01:26:15,065 --> 01:26:18,845 So Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Mm-Hmm. . 1517 01:26:19,105 --> 01:26:22,205 How did I almost forget to like, I don't know. I don't know. 1518 01:26:22,645 --> 01:26:27,405 'cause I was focused on the play party. Yeah. That's a lot. Mm-Hmm. 1519 01:26:27,445 --> 01:26:27,605 . 1520 01:26:27,605 --> 01:26:29,685 I think we're taking advantage of the fact that we don't have to run out and 1521 01:26:29,685 --> 01:26:32,005 pick up a kid this afternoon. . True. True. 1522 01:26:32,565 --> 01:26:34,725 Although I do have something where I have to go after We're done now. 1523 01:26:34,725 --> 01:26:38,045 That's true. You do. Yep. I have work I have to do. Yeah. 1524 01:26:38,345 --> 01:26:40,925 So we should probably go do those things. Mm-Hmm. . Yep. 1525 01:26:41,105 --> 01:26:43,285 Thanks y'all for being here. To the better end. Thanks for hanging out. Yep. 1526 01:26:43,475 --> 01:26:48,245 Yeah. Um, hope the topic if was not informative, was interesting. Mm-Hmm. 1527 01:26:48,285 --> 01:26:52,045 . Um, and maybe start some conversations in, in your relationships. 1528 01:26:52,075 --> 01:26:57,005 Yeah. Um, so yeah, we're gonna finally go Mm-Hmm, . Okay. Bye bye. 1529 01:27:01,125 --> 01:27:02,285 Clicking buttons, just.