You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode 3 71.
Kayla the Lord's here with the one, the only,
the guy who's totally under the weather, but looks cute in his new shirt.
John Brownstone.
Yeah, something like that. .
Something like that. Yeah. You know what's, what's cracking me up?
Thankfully podcast listeners can't see it.
You were trying to keep your eyes wide and open, like yes, I am here.
But it's not your natural eyes wide open. . You're having to,
to work real hard with this one. for the record,
I didn't force him to be.
Here. No, you didn't.
It's his choice. Secondly, I don't force anything. Hello.
It's power exchange. That's not how we do these things.
It's your true, you, you gave me the option this morning and I said no.
We're gonna go through with it.
. We're gonna walk to the gallows. That's what that sounds like.
Whatever happens, we're gonna go through with it .
So it'll be interesting. It.
Will be interesting. It will be interesting.
We are doing another A-B-D-S-M Reddit response. Yes, I know.
We just did one literally this time last month. We have reasons, uh, could,
could be j b's, glassy wide eye,
face right now, are those reasons. But we'll get into that.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening,
glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back.
Loving B DSM is produced every Friday and now Monday for your kinky pleasure and
education, and show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app.
You can also follow the show on X Twitter.
Call it whatever you want at Loving BDSM on FetLife at Loving BDSM
pc.
The PCs Dance podcast y'all on Instagram and threads at that handle live will
for fucking hate loving DSS in the number one.
So at Loving DSS one, or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm,
where you can watch us live. Stream the podcast every Wednesday.
All links are in the show notes. I am already out of breath.
We've only been going a few minutes. Um,
I think that the coffee,
the few sips of coffee I've had kicking.
In hard Huh?
Hit hard and I haven't even finished. It's a large,
it's a large ice butter pecan from Dunking and I got 350 points
for it because I'm stacking all of their offers at once.
'cause I know how to play the rewards.
On, you know, how the game game.
. Okay. So before we get into, uh,
this week's episode, uh,
it's technically like on the day we're recording halfway over for podcast
listeners. By the time you hear this, you got a day left.
But we are at the Kry in our anniversary sale.
That's true.
The kry is three years old. Uh,
the toddler years have not been completely terrible. .
But not, uh, but.
Is this like dog years? So really we're three, but really we're 21.
I think that's probably, that's probably best to say because it's kink.
But either way, it's our third anniversary , uh,
through October 28th at 11:59 PM Eastern.
Uh,
if you use the coupon code three years s at the end three
years, you'll save 10% off nearly everything in the shop.
The only thing that that coupon doesn't apply to is if you buy gift cards. Yes,
we do gift cards. So, you know, um, so we've been restocking.
Yeah. Um, if there's, there's might be a couple things sold out,
but most things, there's plenty of them. Um,
this is a great time to get a discount. 'cause we don't do a lot of sales.
We don't do a lot of discounts. Um,
we restocked evil sticks. Yes. We restocked diabolical sticks.
We restocked thick sticks. We got a lot of sticks. A lot of sticks.
And they all hurt like hell. uh, we introduced a new.
Isn't that the point?
I ? Apparently we introduced a new ca two new candle colors. Yeah.
Pink and blue soy and paraffin. Um, so yeah. Uh,
kry.com is our website, but the link is in the places.
The code is three years.
You can either use the number three or spell out the word three.
It will still work.
I did that on purpose because I know it's easy sometimes to remember the code,
but then go, wait. Is it the number? Is it spelled out? Doesn't matter.
Three years. Use the code.
Save 10% through what is actually our wedding anniversary.
October 28th. Yeah. 11:59 PM Eastern.
Do we know how many years we've been married? No, no, no. We can't remember.
I have to go back to the pictures and go What year were, were those taken?
Then do the math. And then I can tell you how many years we've been married.
Is it five years? Is it six years? I don't know. ,
but I do know I'm married to you. Yeah.
. And even that was, uh.
I mean, it took us a hot minute to get there. Hey. It was a good wedding though.
It was. We did it on the cheap. Yeah. We had only a handful of people there.
Mm-Hmm. . Um, I got drunk and danced. Yeah.
We had to do no cleanup, no setup. Nope. My dress was cute as shit. It was,
uh, and every picture that you anybody took of me,
I am cheesing so hard, so hard. Uh,
there's that whole walking down the aisle like, you're sedate and you're slow.
And you're like, no. I literally, the kids walked me down the aisle.
I dragged them. 'cause it was like, let me get up there. Let's do this thing.
But do I remember what year it was? No, I don't. No, I don't. Mm-Hmm.
. And that was like the story of our life.
And, and, and I remember we ended up at a waffle house afterwards.
Yes. But we did not have fuckery or fuck on our wedding night.
We had one night kid free. Yeah. We went to Waffle House. That's what we did.
Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, fitting, quite fitting.
Quite fitting.
But my dress was cute and it was purple if anybody ever wondered.
'cause of course it was. Okay. I mentioned this for the YouTube folk,
but I'm gonna mention it for podcast listeners as well.
We have added new items to our Etsy shop with more items,
hopefully coming on a semi-regular basis. I want it to be like, every week.
There's a few new things. Uh, but I know me, it might be once a month.
I load them all at one time. I, I know how I am. I know who I am. Um,
our Etsy shop is, uh, loving bdsm.etsy.com.
If you just search Loving BDSM at Etsy, we will come up.
And of course our links are in all of the places because, uh, they are,
they just are. I'm good like that. Um, so yeah. Okay.
Okay. I need to take like a, who saw kind of breath .
You're, you're just like I.
Am. It's one of those days.
I'm talking super fast and I feel like only other people who also
talk super fast will be able to follow a word I say. Um,
and if you normally listen to this on like 1.52, 2.5,
whatever speed you might need to slow it down. .
And I'm just sitting here all sedate and, uh.
Yeah, I know. 'cause you're very much under the weather. Yeah.
I've asked you no less than like, half a dozen times. You have.
Are you sure you wanna record? Are you sure you want stream? Mm-Hmm.
. Um, that is the reason we're doing another, uh,
Reddit response episode. Even though the last one was,
and I looked at the calendar a literal month ago, September 27th.
It is October 25th. . I usually try to space these out more,
but we needed an easy episode because you're, you're just,
you're trying to be here and I'm trying to make it easy on you. You are.
And, and I'm grateful for that. The.
Blue of your T-shirt brings out the blue in your eyes,
but also it lets me see just how glassy they're .
So this is a shortened version. Um,
normally we respond to five to six posts found on the BDSM side of Reddit.
We are only gonna do three. And when I was pulling these together,
I realized after the fact that there was a theme. And the theme is,
uh, what did I, I write that questionable decisions.
Like some of these questions, maybe all of them, depending on your,
your perspective. The first response, I think is what the fuck, uh,
before you can even think of an answer or a response to it.
So, uh,
if I don't get the tone of my voice calmed
down, , uh, this will be done in 10 minutes. So.
Gaza.
I know. I'm like . Oh my gosh. Okay.
Do I need to, uh, take your coffee away from you?
No, no. This is the elixir of the fucking Gods . And, uh, no.
It's actually my first butter pecan in like six, no, not six months,
like two or three months since they put out the pumpkin. Mm.
But I rolled up to the good good Duncan. Ah, and they were like, oh,
we're so sorry we're out of pumpkin. And I went, do you have butter gone?
And he was like, oh yeah, we do.
And then he wanted to make idle chitchat with me. And I was like, I don't.
Know. I don't just gimme my damn coffee.
Right? One, uh, I mean, I had a,
a bowl of up chuck in the backseat 'cause the kid still does that.
So I was like, I just want go home and empty this bowl. But also,
I haven't had coffee yet. And also, I don't know how to do idle chitchat.
It is so un unbearably uncomfortable. I just don't even know how to do it.
So yeah. There's not been enough coffee to kick in.
I'm a little afraid of what's gonna happen when I finish this coffee. So
now that I have annoyed the people who hate idle chitchat ,
we can get it. .
Lola's curled up in the little corner over here. Again.
She wants to be near you. Okay. No, that's not the first one I wanna start with.
Let's start with this one question for service subs. Mm. Okay.
Honest question.
Would you consider participating in group play or ensuring that your DOM'S
needs slash desires that you can't,
like physiological issues or won't hard limits fulfill,
are met by someone else as a form of service? How would you feel about that?
Emphasis on feel as I'm 45 male dom not nearly as rooted
in feelings as my sub 41 female sub.
And both of us are still exploring and discovering ourselves grateful for all
responses, pro or con. So if I take out all of the addendums in that,
the question is,
you as a sub can't or won't do certain things. Mm-Hmm.
that the dom wants, the dom wants to go do them with other people.
Mm-Hmm. , would that be considered service?
It could be. It.
Could be. The thing is, is there's nothing in this that's like, you know,
if you're willing to be in an open relationship, if that's your vibe,
if non-monogamy is okay with you,
like there's no mention of the consent to open up
the relationship just a, hey, uh,
you can't or won't do these things, but I want them, so I'm gonna go get them.
Can from somebody else. That's service. Right? .
.
I mean, again, like you said, it can be. Yeah, it can be. But.
I mean, we, we, we have talked about that before. You know, in, in the past,
if you know, all your needs aren't being met, you can talk about,
you know, opening up the relationship for, for play in other areas.
Right. But that's part of an understanding and a conversation. True,
true, true. That in some way, whether it's sexual or not.
Mm-Hmm. emotional or not. Right.
Mental or not power exchange or not. You are opening up your relationship.
You are allowing, you are not requiring monogamy.
And both partners are okay with that. And the part that make, gives me,
makes me give this person side eye is that the act of
just letting your partner have other partners and being okay with it as
an act of service to me implies, oh,
you might not like this, but if you let me do it and you say you're okay,
you're serving my needs ,
regardless of how you actually feel about it. Now,
is that an un charitable reading of this question? Yes. Yes. It fucking is.
Could the person have not meant that? Maybe,
but that's not what the fuck they said.
There's no little line in there of we've talked about non-monogamy.
This would be Mm-Hmm. a consensual non-monogamous thing. Okay.
Well, well, well, let's, let's, um,
take a back step here.
Okay.
Um, is it a matter of when,
when you talk about non-monogamy or being poly,
that is then assuming you are getting into an emotional relationship Right.
With another person.
And in many, in many cases it could be sexual,
sometimes it's not. Right? Um,
here we are talking about play.
But here's the thing. Some people Mm-Hmm. in their power exchange,
that's monogamous. You don't go out to those people.
I'm not one of them. You and I are like, I'm like,
you want to go whip that person? Please do. Don't touch me with it. I'm fine.
But we've had the conversation,
we've had the conversation about what it means to us. Mm-Hmm. ,
we've had the conversation about how we feel about you playing with somebody or
you being a dominant for somebody else. Mm. Regardless of whether they're,
whether they're sex. Yeah.
Regardless of whether this is a long-term relationship,
we've had the conversation. And at no point have you ever said,
you're gonna let me do this as an act of service.
It has always been with me getting to say, okay, here's where I'm insecure.
Here's how I feel about it. Here's what gives me pause.
Here are all the questions I have. It gave,
I had the opportunity to ask what it meant for our relationship. For us.
It didn't mean anything, right? Mm-Hmm. , because we,
the way we are wired and how we run our power exchange. Mm-Hmm.
, there's room for others. Now,
this person did not specify,
are they looking for an impact play partner? Do they need a bottom? No.
They specified that they are dom, their partner is sub,
they're not really into their feelings much like their sub is. So, like,
my sub has feelings about this and I don't,
that's a point where you have to have a conversation. Mm-Hmm. ,
because you've been to play parties without me. Mm-Hmm. actually,
the club, whatever, with the understanding that you would probably play.
And I, the first time we did that, where I stayed home and you went,
I freaked the fuck out. All of my insecurities came up,
which we were able to handle once you got home.
Because we had had a conversation and an understanding,
and it was just my insecurities coming to light.
It was my thing that I needed to deal with. But it was never as a surprise.
You never forced me to be okay with it and called it service. No.
That's true. It was.
Consensual.
But.
And it wasn't sexual and it wasn't even power exchange you were going to play.
And it still fucked with my head. Hmm.
And I had all the information Right. And consented.
But could it, I I'm,
and I'm not saying I'm forcing you to, to say this, right? Right.
Okay. Or anybody else. Could it be seen as an act of service?
It could be if the service sub goes, I'm uncomfortable or I don't love it,
or all of my insecurities are out, but this is something I want to do for you.
It could be Mm-Hmm. .
But that is the total and a hundred percent call of the sub.
A hundred percent. The dom can make their argument. They can say, Hey,
does this help? If you think of it as service, it's a mindset shift, right?
Mm-Hmm. ,
there are a lot of things we've talked about in service submission where it
doesn't always look like service, but when you reframe it in your head Right.
You're like, oh yeah. It's like if a sub tops their dom.
Right. It could be seen as an act of.
Service. It could be seen. Exactly. Yeah.
But that is up to the service submissive to decide a hundred percent
point blank. Nobody gets to decide that.
Them, it has to be negotiated. Absolutely.
It has to be negotiated.
Which means that the most to me that the dom can do is go, Hey,
what do you think about this? Would this work for you?
What questions do you have for me? But at the end of the day, the service sub,
sub, any sub should not feel pressured into it should not be guilted into it.
And this is a part where some doms, forget the power they fucking have.
If you want something bad enough,
there's a good damn chance I'll twist myself into fucking knots to give it to
you. Even if I hate it, even if it bothers me.
Even if it makes me feel insecure.
Even if it makes me question everything about our relationship,
a different me from a few years ago would've laid down and let you have it.
So they're new to this, if I recall that question,
is that I, I mean, I'm not gonna speak for that sub. That sub might be like a,
like be able to put their foot down and go, no, I won't do it.
Here are my hard limits. This is one of them. Mm-Hmm. . They,
they may be able, they may be that person already,
but my experience with a lot of newer submissives who are trying to
fulfill a need that they've had,
and they are finding it in service or just submission in general,
is that sometimes we will do shit we don't really wanna do,
call it service, wonder why we're fucking miserable, and then say, oh,
well I'm serving so my happiness doesn't matter.
So it's okay for anybody to not think
of the specific play of kink as non-monogamy. Mm-Hmm. .
But there are absolutely plenty of people out there who do that. They're like,
wait, you're gonna play with somebody else?
This is a different experience than what I think of as monogamy.
I've just had too many conversations with people who are like, I feel, you know,
is my dom putting me to the side because they wanna play with somebody,
but I don't do that kink well. I'm like, well, then you have to, to, you know,
you gotta think through that for yourself. Mm-Hmm. for a lot,
for people who embrace it. No. It's another way for you to fulfill your needs.
Go for it. I'm happy for you if you can do that. Says Kayla to jb.
But we didn't get there without a shit ton of trust.
A lot of experience with one another and a shit ton of conversation.
Not, Hey, we've been doing this for five minutes. Reddit, will you tell me,
is this service, should I tell my sub that they can call this service?
That's, to me, the sub is a hundred percent in the driver's seat on that one.
Okay. Because if they can't wrap their mind around it for them,
it's not service for them. It is painful for them. It is.
I don't want to share this part of you with anybody else that might
make them incompatible. Mm-Hmm.
that might mean that DSS is not right for them.
That might mean the kink is not right for them. That's a whole other,
that's a whole other ball of can of worms. Ball of ball of something.
Ooh, my metaphors just, just all jumbled like a ball of something. Uh,
quite frankly. Um, but that's not what, what's being asked here.
Yeah.
You know what I mean? Mm-Hmm. . It's like, yeah. Yes, you're right.
They could,
that submissive could decide that service and then that's a service they're
willing to provide. The thing me,
the bitch submissive is would say to that little submissive, I'd say, okay,
but is this 'cause this is what you want? Or because you feel pressured, you,
you're worried that per person won't wanna do this with you anymore.
Is that why you're doing it? Or is it because you embrace that and you're like,
yeah, that's cool. I I'm, I'm good with it.
I'm just saying.
Yeah. And I just got called out by silent .
I'm also sweating already. Yes, you are. So this is fun. .
The livestream chat is, uh, clocking it.
And thank you everybody. Ball of wax. Ball of wax is where I was,
I was trying to get, okay. Okay. So , uh,
now that I have sort of metaphorically ripped your face off there, sorry.
I love you so much, . Uh,
if I promise not to start ranting at you,
is there anything else you would add to.
This? I'm, I'm good at this point. I'm done. You afraid? I'm open. .
Sorry. .
Okay. Next one.
Hey, I, I brought that on. I, you know, did you.
Know what you were doing? Or was it a happy accident? .
.
Okay. Next one. I feel like whatever your personal, you,
the person who can hear us initial reaction is to just the title of this post.
That'll probably say it all for you. Here we go.
Oh goodness.
Is it a bad idea for my boyfriend slash dom to carve his initials into
my skin? I'm 23 female and my dom is also 23 male.
We've been talking about it for a bit.
And today I asked him if he actually wants to would do it, and he said yes.
So long as we can agree on something,
I just wanna know from an outside perspective if it's really that quote deranged
or bad. He told me it's not as intense as I think it is,
considering the other kinks we share.
I was the first to consider it when we were talking about marking and whatnot.
But I also see where it might not be necessary since I have a collar.
Just some outside opinions will be cool no matter your age and whether you're
experienced or not. Okay.
Hmm.
So what, what are your thoughts about this?
And I'm gonna try and stay quiet and let you actually get them out. .
Um, personally I think it's a bad idea. Um,
something like that is way too permanent. Okay.
Um, I'm gonna say, you know, they're, they're young
lot can happen. A lot can happen. A lot can happen. Mm-Hmm. . Um,
there are much other better ways to do that. Mm-Hmm. , um,
than to have initials carved in. Um, you know,
I'm thinking temporarily you could do, um, marker.
Yeah. Okay. Definitely start.
With marker before.
We move on to blade. Start, start with start, start with marker. Um, you know,
you, you see a lot of people do with the, with the marker. Um,
the other thing that comes to my mind that is not as permanent,
but can be close is something like cell popping. Mm.
Mm-Hmm. .
Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Where, you know, you take a, a, um, for,
for anybody who doesn't know it's you take a, um, stainless steel rod,
uh, heat it and, and you actually poke on the skin.
Right. But it's like the surface.
Layer. Surface layer. Okay. It, it causes a, um, you know,
you, you, you can do that. Mm-Hmm. Okay.
Which eventually does heal up. Sure. You know, um,
but something as permanent as that, where you're gonna have, you know, this,
this scar, you know, that that's as bad as as saying, you know, well,
I'm gonna have so-and-so's name tattooed on my knuckles or something. You know,
my.
Favorite Are those tattoos people regret in the future things you see online
somebody's name tattooed on their face. Yeah. Like I, I mean,
you can always cover it up or attempt to remove it, but Mm-Hmm. ,
I'm a hundred percent with you on the, no, I don't think it's a good idea.
I fully support consenting adults doing whatever the fuck they want with their
body. True, true, true, true. And IS you know,
would love to help navigate somebody away from a decision they will. Absolutely.
Or 99.9% regret in the future. Mm-Hmm. . Um,
but it's hard for me to go, no, don't do it.
Except they're as somebody's parent. I'm, I'm like, no, don't do it.
As somebody who has trust issues, I know we're going to be together till,
you know, the absolute end, whether that's Armageddon or, you know, whatever.
Uh, go out like Thelman Louise.
And I still cannot imagine doing
that. Yeah. Um, I think that, uh,
in the comments of that post, somebody said,
try hna because apparently if you take care of it, that's true too. Well enough.
It can last up to three weeks. Mm-Hmm. . Um,
a lot of people in the comments of that post were like, use a marker.
Just just use a.
Marker. Yeah. Didn't even think use marker. Think about Hena. Yeah.
Henna tattoos are becoming, are, right.
Yeah. Fairly popular. Yeah. A little bit more mainstream on Mm-Hmm.
Western culture, at least civilization. Anyway. Um, but,
you know, if it's an id,
if it's the idea of being marked in a way that
commemorates the relationship Mm-Hmm. ,
if that just feels super important and it,
there's like no point where you're like, oh, maybe cell popping,
that would be great. Or, oh, let's do markers, let's do, you know,
temporary tattoos, whatever. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Um,
then to me it would be like, okay,
what is a symbol that is not somebody's name,
that is not somebody's initials? Um,
that even if the,
or when the relationship ends in the future,
you look back on it and it's a memory. Now some people, like, you know,
some people get tattoos for that Mm-Hmm. . And then Yeah.
They regret them later or, and some people don't regret them. Yeah. They go,
this is a sign, a symbol of whatever, of a point in my life. And,
you know, it is what it is. And some people go,
I would rather not be reminded of this point in my life. Let me remove it,
cover it up, whatever, whatever.
Well, I mean, there there is two, I, you know, there are people who identify as
slaves. Mm-Hmm. . And there apparently is a,
at least there used to be a place you can go online and register
Yes. And, and get.
Like a barcode.
Like a, like a barcode or a slave number. Yeah. You know,
and you can have something like that tattooed. Yeah. Alright.
Personally, that always makes me go.
Yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah. I mean, it's not for everybody.
Right. And I think that's the thing.
It's none of these decisions are for everybody. Right. I, you know,
before you make a permanent change to your body that is either Mm-Hmm.
impossible or extremely difficult to change later. Right.
A lot of thought has to go into it. Um, but if somebody's like, I,
I really love the idea of permanent marks. I really like the idea of branding.
I really like the whatever. Then I'm just like, okay,
pick something that symbolizes not, you know what I mean? Like.
Yeah.
Like, and I don't know, I don't know what that might be for somebody. I just,
yeah. Somebody's initials and, and I don't want to,
can't think of the word because words are now coming harder. I want,
I respect the fact that 2 23 year olds in a relationship feel what they
feel. Mm-Hmm. .
And for some people that can be a super long lasting relationship,
but the law of averages being what they are. Yeah.
And it being 20 years since I was 23 mm-Hmm. ,
the old lady in me is like,
you probably won't be with that person for maybe even another six months to a
year. Yeah.
Yeah.
Is that a daily reminder that you're gonna want 10 or 15 years? That's true.
That's very true's. That's the conversation and the questions I would be asking.
Yeah.
And I think, yeah. You know, yeah.
You could do what you want with your body. Mm-Hmm. You really, really.
Can. But who think.
It.
Through. Mm-Hmm. think it through.
Think it through. But I, you know,
I also give a little bit of side eye when we tell people you're gonna regret it
later. They might. They might. Yeah.
But every single one of us lives with regrets,
and hopefully we learn with some from some of them. And so I, i,
it gets touchy for me, you know, but if you asked me like,
as your mom or your older sister, I'm gonna tell you don't not,
not the dude's initials. Yeah. Okay. Just not the.
Initials. Yeah. No, no.
Yeah. Okay. Last one I told y'all this was short. Okay.
He's glassy-eyed over there, . And I'm already running outta words,
so shit. Okay. Uh, again,
this is one we all kind of know the answer ,
but it went with a theme that I accidentally found.
Dom assigned me a trainer. Ooh. Hi y'all.
So I've met a dom and he seems really great.
We get along well and we are exploring starting a dynamic together.
He is away working now, but asked me if I would be okay with a trainer.
So when he gets back, I'm fully ready. I did ask why he couldn't train me,
and he just explained it as he is not a trainer,
but wants a relationship with me. The trainers are not in relationships.
Is this normal? I said, yes. And so far it's going okay.
He is more strict than my dumb,
but is giving me tasks to learn more about being a sub. I'm fairly new.
I was just looking to get some opinions.
What
You have podcast listeners, if you can see the look on Jamie's face. ,
are you having a Oh, sweet summer child kind of moment.
. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Um, oh.
Okay. You talk, let me see what a child.
Needs. Okay. Um, and.
Then put my phone on.
Airplane. You know, we,
we've had this kind of conversation a little bit in the past, you know,
there used to be this thing especially, um, it was real big on,
on, um, Tumblr back in the day. And,
and you used to talk about how, you know, I will train your slave.
I will train your sub. Um, you know,
it, it, it sounds great in theory. Um,
but you know what it, it'd kind of like be I
kind of be like, you know, when we got together, if I said, you know, I'm,
I'm gonna have somebody train you. Okay. One, um,
to me that's a lazy dom. Oh.
God. Yeah. Like, I don't wanna teach you anything I want. Right.
I don't wanna like watch you grow or be part of this growth for you. Yeah. Or,
you know,
have to deal with any uncomfortable feelings while you're learning something
new. Mm-Hmm. , I, I'll outsource submissive training Yeah.
To somebody else.
You know? Yeah. That's, that's, that's a lazy, lazy dom.
Um, the other thing is, you know,
why would I want somebody to train you?
I want you trained the way I want you to be for what I want,
not for how they think it should be.
Right. Right.
Okay. You know, , um, whew.
Um, yeah. No, no.
No. Now I read, um,
one of the comments on this post from somebody who at least on maybe outside of
Reddit, but certainly on Reddit, is well known, at least in that form, um,
sir Dax, which the name sounded familiar.
So I wonder if this person is like known outside of the Reddit space.
Mm-Hmm. . And, 'cause I was like, I, I feel like I know that name.
And they said that this is actually a common scam.
So the dom goes, oh, I can't train you. I've got work. I've got things going up.
Mm-Hmm. , blah, blah, blah. I say,
I'm gonna set you up with a trainer. And then the trainer is actually them,
but they're asking for pictures and they're asking for this,
and they're doing these things. And then when the trainer,
who is the original dom, right? Mm-Hmm.
has whatever it is they wanted from this person,
that person's just ghosted. Like, just everybody disappears. Oh, wow.
And sub is left. And I was like, I have never heard.
Of that. No, no. But.
Before I read that comment, the reason I went, ah, is because yeah. I,
it's sort of a,
a reminder for those who might need it somehow that
I, I know there are typically doms,
but sometimes I've, I've come across subs who say this. They're like,
I can train you, I can offer training, I can teach you tasks.
Now if you are teaching skills, like there are some service things, um,
boot blacking, right? Mm-Hmm. , that's a skill. Yeah.
You got to learn from somebody who knows what the hell they're talking about.
Right? Right. Um,
just like tops have to learn skills of how to use a flo or how to use a whip.
Mm-Hmm. how to like, right. Yeah. That's one thing.
And I don't have a problem with that because a dom might want to experience
something with their sub, but not have the skills to teach it.
But that's not what we're talking about here. No.
No, no.
No, no. And the, the folks I see online who talk about training subs,
um, , especially when they just offer it unprompted.
Like they slide into your dms to tell you how they've trained all these subs.
They've not trained any subs. Like they just have . Okay.
What they've done is mind fucked some people who don't know what's going on.
Mm-Hmm.
gotten their jollies off by whatever they can get these people to
do for them. But it's not actually not training, because like you said,
the training between dom and sub is what the dom likes, wants per needs.
It's a per, it's a personal.
Thing and showing and helping the sub learn how to, you know? Right.
Give them what they need. Yeah. While also, let's be real,
the dom fucking learning a few things about what the submissive needs. Well,
yeah. Doms, are we in the power exchange way? Doms aren't trained,
but let's, let's be real. We're training one another.
It's more explicit when a dom trains a submissive here,
these are the things I want you to do for me. Here's how you need to do them.
You do that with coffee. Like literally my coffee, uh,
addiction and obsession did not start until not,
not only met John Brownstone, but fucking moved in with it. Okay. .
'cause he taught me how to fucking make coffee. He was like, I,
this is a thing you've agreed to do. You're gonna, you're basically,
I'm the coffees that must up, but I gotta teach you how to fucking make it.
Yeah. That was training.
But every time we've had to have a hard conversation about something that has
affected me,
or I'm upset about something and you've learned how to interact with me in a
different way, and you've chosen to go, I will change how I interact, blah,
blah, blah, because this is what my baby girl needs.
People get uncomfortable with this, but that's a form of fucking training.
You learned something. Yeah. And I taught it to you. True.
So we are training air quote that all over the fucking place each other.
So when you outsource that to whether this is the scam or this person really
believes that they have just handed their submissive off to a trainer. Yeah.
You're, you're training them how to respond to the person who's training. Right.
That's all they're learning. They're not learning how to respond to you. Mm-Hmm.
they're learning how to respond to that person. Yeah.
And unless it is very specific skills that you do not possess,
but want to benefit from. And quite frankly,
I would say if you are a dom who wants your sub to do something and you don't
know how to do it, you need to fucking learn how to do it too.
I just, I'm just gonna say, you know, I, I, there was a time I didn't know
which end of a flagger, you know, you
and I went and took workshops, learned how to hold a vlogger, learned how to,
you know, do this. Mm-Hmm. learned how to do that. Excuse me.
.
You know, that's why I say, you know, you hand that off some that that's lazy.
Yeah. That's lazy. You, you gotta put in your work, put in your time.
I mean, there's that. Yeah. And then there's also the,
the way that you grow closer to one another is in the learning process of
each other. Mm-Hmm.
the learning how to be in a power exchange with each other. Right.
The learning how to do the things that the other partner wants, needs, whatever,
whatever. Like that's, that's kind of how you get the,
you either figure out that it's not gonna work or you learn to trust one
another. Right. And you create intimacy between one another. Mm-Hmm.
. And you're vulnerable with each other. Right. Yeah.
Outsourcing it if it's even legit. Like I said,
I saw that comment about it was being a common scam.
And I was like, what was the name again.
Sir? Dax.
Dax.
And I really felt like that name, but I don't know if it's.
It, it does ring a bell. It makes, um, makes me wonder if it was the, um,
the fellow we met a number of years ago who did the whips.
Maybe, I don't know.
But they were the ones who commented and then other people went, oh my gosh,
it's such a pleasure to see you here. Like, they were like, oh.
Yeah, okay. I was like.
But yeah.
And I've come across a couple of people who say, with all sincerity, with all,
well-meaning that they, that they train submissives and slaves. Yeah.
And I just am like, for fucking what.
I.
Know now, I could see where somebody mentored couples.
Even then I'd be like, is that necessary? Not in my opinion. Yeah.
But I could see that if you're helping people, well, you know,
learn how to communicate and have that, like, you get to that point. I mean.
Maybe somebody, somebody made made a very valid point. And,
and it made me think of something too because, you know, take like, um,
for instance, a, a guide dog or a seeing eye dog. Mm-Hmm. .
Alright. They don't just hand you these animals and say, you know, oh,
they're trained. You just take here, here's your dog. Right. Go,
go about your day. No, you have to work and,
and bond with these animals before they, you know. Mm-Hmm. .
So it's, it's not even in that. So.
No, there's no, somebody else does the training and.
Then there's no magic bullet that somebody.
Your exclusive shows up and does everything. Right.
And Yeah. No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no. It was never gonna be that way. It's never been that way.
Right. The only training that I'm not gonna give total side eye to is when we're
talking very specific skills. Yeah. But even then,
I think that dominant needs to be in that fucking class too. Yeah.
'cause there's also the okay,
there's learning the skill and then as the dominant,
there's learning the skill enough to know, wait,
this isn't up to my standard or this,
I have a standard and I want you to learn it to that standard. Mm-Hmm.
or Wait, you have a question about this. How can I help? You know?
Right. Well, like all kinds of stuff. So, Mm-Hmm. Yes.
Anybody can be trained on a specific skill, but I,
the dom still shouldn't completely remove themselves from the learning of that
skill. If they don't already possess a knowledge of that skill.
They need to be sitting in fucking class too and learning it with, with their,
because how do you oversee something if you literally don't understand what's
happening? Right. Right. That doesn't make any sense to me either. Yep.
Oh my gosh. Anything else you would add to that? No,
I feel like I've run a race.
I think you have.
And my neck is really hurting today. . Uhoh. It's not good.
I slept really funny though. Um, so we're only doing those three mm-Hmm.
. I did not think I would rant my way through them, uh,
as the live chat pointed out. This was a perfect episode.
'cause you for the most part, could just sit back and let me go. Right, right.
And I, you know, I kind of thought that Mm-Hmm. . But yeah. Um,
yeah. I think that's it. Okay.
We can do a bonus section for kind of,
as long as you feel like you can sort of hold out.
. Alright.
I,
I kind of feel like what you want to go do is lay back down on the couch before
it's time to go pick up a kid. Probably. Yeah. Um,
is it safe to say that there might not Definitely.
But there might not be a Monday episode and it's okay to say there might not be
a Monday.
Episode. Possibly not. Yeah.
? I didn't think so. I didn't think so. So, uh,
if there's nothing that shows up, uh, in your feed on Monday, it's,
it's planned. It's, it's known. Don't be surprised. Yeah.
Am.
Excuse me, I need to cough and I've been doing that a lot lately. Yeah.
Okay. Alright.
Okay. So.
So are we good?
Sure. Sure. , we'll call it that. Okay.
Keep.
Keep it kinky all and we'll see you next week.
Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy. Daddy, daddy. .
What? I'm just reading your shirt. .
Can I talk to the crickets please?
Yes, go ahead.
Okay. Do I have anything to say, ?
Probably not.
Probably not. I mean, my mind, it's weird.
It's not truly racing a mile a minute. Either that or it's going so fast.
It doesn't sound like noise anymore. You know, when something speeds up so much,
like you literally can't even hear it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's one of,
it's one of those , I dunno. Um, yeah.
Krys having a sale. We're adding products to our Etsy shop. Lola,
is she still napping right next to you? Yep.
Lola's being a good girl and napping and not taking down our whole light system
here. . Um, the cats are good. Uh,
the kids are Oh, oh yeah, that's right. The kids are good.
The 18 year old not only has his motorcycle, what's it called,
endorsement for his license Right.
Is now proud owner of a motorcycle and his motorcycle
insurance, which is not required in the state of Florida.
But we have learned our lesson by literal fucking cars hitting people, uh,
is four times as much as it was when I purchased my
motorcycle insurance for you. Yeah. And also,
instead of waking up every day and going, oh gosh, my,
my baby boy is off at a college campus. I hope everything is okay. I'm now like,
oh my God,
he's riding on two wheels as a a baby bike rider.
I hope he makes it to campus and home alive.
This is my new daily anxiety.
You're welcome. It's all my fault.
You know what could,
would it have slowed him down if you had not been willing to help him and give
him good advice? It would've slowed him down.
But that child lives on people telling him he can't do shit. I know.
So if we had said, 'cause somebody's gonna go, why didn't you just tell him? Mm.
Because we know him. Had we told him you can't, he would have done it.
Dumber. Mm-Hmm.
more expensive and more reckless and tried to probably do
it faster and then just wouldn't have fucking told us until it was too late.
And then he would've done that little Cheshire cat grin of, look,
I did the thing petty 'cause you wouldn't help me. Oh god.
Right.
This way. He talks to us about it.
He's probably talked to you more in the past two weeks than Yeah.
He has.
. I mean, all the times he's talked to you in a year.
Like it's a lot. Y'all have bonded.
You've helped him make good strategic decisions. Mm-Hmm. .
He knows he can come to you and he needs help.
But an 18 year old is riding a motorcycle.
Yep.
To school every.
Day. Yep. It it's, it's a little itty bitty baby motorcycle.
Yeah.
It's not a, um,
speed demon, no type of motorcycle. Yeah.
No, I'm, I'm, I'm sure he is fine.
It's everybody else on the road I don't trust.
I know, I know, I know. . And it's a bright neon green.
It is. It is.
And he is wearing a white helmet.
I would like to get him something reflective that he can like,
put on his backpack. Mm-Hmm. or something. Uh,
mostly I'd like to light him up like the fourth of fucking July.
So the completely oblivious drivers who barely see three inches in front of
their fucking face, let alone.
Like, like a.
Christmas tree left to right. Whatever.
You can light up like the 4th of July too. It's a country song.
.
Anyway, I just,
and the thing I keep saying, you know, 'cause you're,
you come across as kind of nonchalant, like really fucking relaxed.
And I'm like, wait,
child had his driver's license and was in an automobile with like,
surrounded by, you know, plastic and metal, uh,
and was in an accident within three months that had used car prices and
values not skyrocketed. Would have totaled our little Corolla. Yeah. Okay.
He,
and he ended up being fine even though the front of the Corolla was not this,
he doesn't have the walls of plastic and metal . Okay.
And you who take every precaution had a decade plus
experience on the bike still got hit. So like,
you can do everything right and still get fucking hit.
But it's fine. I don't, I don't know why I don't sleep well anymore. It's fine.
It's.
Fine now. But again,
I know my kids so I can't bombard him with texts and calls going, are you okay?
Are you okay? Like,
I have to be really fucking nonchalant about it and I hate it.
But I would like to maintain a relationship with my,
now technically an adult child, you parent the kid,
you've got, you've, you parent the kid, you've got, you parent the kid,
you've got , I mean,
crazy me. I raised them, you know,
thinking I would let them be the people they actually are and not force them to
be the people I want them to be. You know, we're breaking generational, uh,
curse here on trauma. Um, but God, it's hard .
Because.
I assure you at age 18,
if I had said to either of my parents that I was gonna go get my motorcycle
endorsement and buy a motorcycle, uh, could you help me get insurance? Blah,
blah, blah. I'm gonna just do it. I mean,
they probably would've snatched me up from fucking college. Like, .
It's fine.
That's fine. I didn't, I mean, look, I, I didn't,
couldn't fully I think understand until the kids got older about once you have
kids, it's like your heart is now outside of your body. . And I like,
I I kind of understood the sentiment when they were little. I was like, oh yeah,
I, you know, would kill and die for them. Oh.
But like then you let them like go out into the world on their fucking own.
And do things and.
Do things. And you have to admit hopefully that you actually have no control.
You can pretend you have control, you can try to grip control and, you know,
and that'll go well. But that's, that's when I, when I feel that statement,
my heart is at University of fucking Florida riding around on two damn wheels
right now, . And I don't, I don't.
Like it. So
It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. .
It's fine. It's.
Fine. He's happy. Mm-Hmm. . He hasn't been caught in the rain yet.
So . That's good.
That is true. It's fine. That is true. It's fine.
It's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. What else is going on? Uh,
our wedding anniversary is this Saturday. Mm-Hmm. , uh,
we are supposed to have a big night planned. Yeah. .
Which is why you're like just chugging NyQuil and DayQuil I think.
And you're like, sure, I need to sleep. I will sleep.
'cause I don't wanna have to feel this way on Saturday. Exactly. Yeah, I know.
Exactly. Uh, my birthday is next Monday. That's true. And,
and somewhere along the line, probably by the time I hit my thirties,
my birthday stopped kind of mattering like it does when you're much younger or
whatever. Mm-Hmm. and so on.
My desk are birthday cards I've received one I know is a, a gift. Like I know.
'cause I saw where it was from and I still haven't opened it. And I'm like,
I'll wait for my birthday, da da da. And I'm, I'm,
this has happened for the past few years, periodically. I'm like, well,
that's right. I have a birthday coming up. And then I go, wait, how old am I?
That's right. Okay. I'm gonna be 44.
Whereas not that long ago,
the entire month of October, was my birthday mom. That's true.
And we needed to like That's true. That's true.
We couldn't celebrate accordingly, but we needed to be aware accordingly.
Um,
I don't know if I'm just too old and tired for that shit or or if I've
matured. I, I don't know.
Yeah. I've been, uh, I've been feeling a little under the weather. Um,
I think it's a bit of a sinus infection.
Which we could do telemed and then I know you could get on the phone with a
doctor and they, they'd prescribe you like an actual antibiotic.
And I think once we're done here, that's uh, that's.
What you're gonna do. Yeah. Uh, with our insurance, they do that for free,
like they did with our old insurance. Okay.
Did our screen just do the black blip? I think it did. Yes.
It did. Yes it did. God dammit. I know.
Yeah. So.
So, um, yeah. Yeah.
I know. And, and you're doing the thing that I often do when I get sick,
which is to the extent that you physically can,
we're still out there working in the shop, we're still Mm-Hmm. .
Mm-Hmm. .
You're not working as many hours as you normally do. Right. Good.
You know, it would be nice if I could go just lay down and do nothing, but.
Yeah. That's not really an option. Oh.
No. So silence as well. You can get prescriptions over the phone.
We can do telemed through our insurance with a doctor and they'll prescribe
for us. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That's how,
I think that's how we've handled all of your sinus infections for the last.
Few years. Pretty much. Yeah. Well, it's all,
it's nearly impossible to get in to see your doctor when you're sick. .
Yeah.
by the time you get in, you're like done. You're like, oh,
well I was feeling like shit, but I'm good now. Right? Yeah. Yeah. . No.
And go into urgent care or those minute clinics when you're sick already.
Yeah. No, no, no.
No, no. But
yeah. Yeah.
And Jeannie says it's like a zoom call, but the last couple you did,
you just talked to them on the phone, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Didn't even have to get on video chat or anything, so,
but that was our old insurance. I don't know how our new insurance Right.
Our current insurance will be current.
Yeah.
So Yeah.
No, but yeah, you tend to get sinus infections. I am prone at least once a year.
I am prone to them. Yes.
And yeah, we just, we've learned, eh, he's gotta have an antibiotic.
Let's just Yep. Get this done. Mm-Hmm. . So, um,
my mouth was racing earlier. Mm-Hmm. .
But now that I don't have a specific like topic in front of me, everything is.
Like, it's.
Every winding down .
And I'm like, it's like in slow-mo, right? Yeah.
And I'm like, I'm sure there were things I was gonna chitchat about.
I don't know what those things are. .
The brain is done. The brain is like, oh, oh no.
We were spinning real fast for it's like a top that spins real fast until it
starts to wind down and then it weeble wobbles back and forth.
That's where I'm at right now. You're.
At the weeble wobble stage. We.
Wobble.
Weevils wobble, but they don't fall down and.
See that's how I know I'm not a weeble wobble. I definitely fall down.
Definitely.
Yeah. So I guess that's probably it, huh? Yeah. Um,
yeah. Yeah. You gotta get better. We have game night with Patreon on Friday.
I know. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. and an early dinner out on Saturday. Yeah.
And a play party Saturday night. Yes.
Mm-Hmm. . So yes, I do. Yeah.
And it's funny because I agreed to go, let's go,
but the introvert part of me is like, I mean, I don't want him to be sick.
.
But also .
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You would be more upset if we couldn't go than I would be .
So outta spite you're gonna get better. .
Got that right. God dammit.
.
Okay. On that silly note, we're gonna go, um, just a reminder,
if you don't see a Monday video or podcast, it's 'cause j's still sick, so.
Okay.
Okay. Okay. Go. Bye. Bye.