1 00:00:11,140 --> 00:00:14,360 You are listening to the Loving B D S M podcast, episode 360 9. 2 00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:19,240 The Lord , the only, the, 3 00:00:19,530 --> 00:00:22,440 we're definitely equally mature, right? John Brownstone. . 4 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:23,273 Yeah. . 5 00:00:25,950 --> 00:00:29,320 Look, I personally find 69 to be kind of overrated, 6 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:32,040 but that's not gonna stop me from giggling every time. 7 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,400 That's right. Yeah. Every time. 8 00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:37,080 My inner 12 year old just can't help herself. 9 00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:41,200 That's not what we're talking about this week. No, but it does . 10 00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:45,080 It does relate . It does kind relate to what we're talking about. Yes. 11 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:45,550 Because. 12 00:00:45,550 --> 00:00:50,120 This week we're talking about the role of silliness 13 00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:54,040 and playfulness, uh, and how it affects our park exchange. Mm-hmm. 14 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:59,080 and hopefully offering a reminder that while certain parts of B D 15 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,760 S M and Power Exchange absolutely need to be taken seriously, 16 00:01:02,310 --> 00:01:05,440 that doesn't mean that it's not okay to be a little silly too. 17 00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:06,373 That's true. 18 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,880 And sometimes that looks like giggling at the number 69, 19 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:14,560 wherever you may find it. Right. Welcome to the Loving B D S M podcast. 20 00:01:14,740 --> 00:01:16,640 If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. 21 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,160 If you're back for another week, welcome back. 22 00:01:18,340 --> 00:01:20,560 Loving BDSM is produced every Friday, 23 00:01:20,740 --> 00:01:23,320 and also Monday now for your kinky pleasure in education. 24 00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:25,800 And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 25 00:01:26,190 --> 00:01:29,360 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. 26 00:01:29,540 --> 00:01:31,120 You can also follow the show on Twitter. 27 00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:36,080 We're not gonna call it X at loving BDSM on FetLife at Loving 28 00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:37,520 BDSM pc. 29 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:42,320 The PC stands for podcast y'all on Instagram and threads at that handle. 30 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:46,320 I will forever fucking Hate Loving DSS and the number one. 31 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:47,840 So that's at Loving DSS one, 32 00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:52,840 or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, where you can watch us live. 33 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,040 Stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. 34 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,040 A big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, 35 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,600 including our newest peeps. Uh, 36 00:02:00,610 --> 00:02:04,440 we're able to do this very weird thing that we do on the internet in large part 37 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,640 because of our kinky patrons. And we are grateful for every fucking one of you, 38 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,960 including Ella, who's crying in the background. Now, 39 00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:14,360 if you'd like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content and a 40 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:18,120 Discord server with a group of super cool, super nice sters, you can do that. 41 00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:21,240 Just join us at patreon.com/kayla lords, 42 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:25,760 that's patreon.com/kayla lords, or use the link in the show notes. 43 00:02:26,190 --> 00:02:31,120 Okay. So, in honor of today's episode, Lola is next to me on the floor. 44 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:32,160 Snuffling and rolling. 45 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:33,360 Side. She's being silly side to. 46 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,440 Side. Yeah. Being very silly. Um, 47 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:39,080 I have no announcements because when I was trying to think of what could I 48 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:43,240 announce, I couldn't think of a fucking thing. So we're just not gonna, 49 00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:48,280 just not gonna worry about that . And we're just get into the topic. 50 00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:49,933 Um, 51 00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:55,680 and I wanted to start with the official 52 00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:58,600 definitions or of the term silly, 53 00:02:59,270 --> 00:03:04,200 because I think that the way you view the term silly 54 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:10,040 will potentially impact how you view the idea of being 55 00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:14,520 silly in any relationship or in life in general. 56 00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:20,240 Um, so I went to the fine folks at Miriam Webster , 57 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:24,760 which after having listened to, uh, stuffy missed in history class, 58 00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:27,760 and their, uh, episodes on, um, 59 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:31,400 I think they actually called it the Dictionary Wars. I'm a little bit like, 60 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:35,840 should I, Miriam Webster. There were some issues there in history. 61 00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:40,160 So being silly has a negative connotation, 62 00:03:40,230 --> 00:03:44,240 even though it makes us laugh. Like with Lola rolling around on the ground, 63 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:45,200 snuffling, she's. 64 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,280 She's done a complete 180. Yes. 65 00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:50,600 And she's not a small dog. No. So here's some of the definitions, um, 66 00:03:50,650 --> 00:03:52,120 about what it means to be silly. 67 00:03:52,140 --> 00:03:56,920 So it's exhibiting or indicative of a lack of common sense, 68 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:00,680 or sound judgment. Um, the example, 69 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:05,240 a very silly mistake. Mm-hmm. , uh, weak in intellect, 70 00:04:06,340 --> 00:04:11,120 acting like a silly fool, is the example. Uh, playfully, 71 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,440 lighthearted and amusing. A silly sense of humor. 72 00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:17,920 That is my preferred definition. Um, 73 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:23,320 trifling or frivolous? Frivolous. That's, yeah. A silly waste of time. Uh, 74 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:27,440 trifling, no. Uh, frivolous. Yes. My silliness does tend to be frivolous. 75 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,760 Mm-hmm. . Um, it can, 76 00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:33,240 it actually gets deeper in the definition. 77 00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:36,720 I'm not gonna, I'm just doing the top mm-hmm. four there. Mm-hmm. 78 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:41,600 . Um, so yeah, for some people, the idea of, um, 79 00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:48,320 silly is, uh, unwanted. It's a negative thing. 80 00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:54,000 Um, and I don't think it has to be, even though, 81 00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:55,880 even though we'll probably get to this, 82 00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:00,400 there have been moments when my personal silliness has not been wanted, 83 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:04,120 and also JBS silliness. Mm-hmm. , I've had to go, whoa, whoa, whoa. 84 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,840 This is not the time or place. So I think you called. 85 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,800 Me out on that last night. Was it. 86 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,040 Last night? Mm-hmm. Time has no meaning. I don't even remember this morning, 87 00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:17,200 let alone, yeah. Uh, last night. So the, for me, 88 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,880 the reason this came up as an idea and I was like, Hey, you wanna talk about it? 89 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:24,400 Is because not always, not all the time, 90 00:05:24,580 --> 00:05:28,200 and in the past few years, less frequently, 91 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,760 'cause stress will definitely, um, 92 00:05:31,590 --> 00:05:33,560 make you forget that it's okay to act silly. 93 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:39,120 I have been kind of mindful of the times I can feel us being 94 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,360 silly together. Mm-hmm. 95 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,640 tends to be when we get goofy and we start joking around and we 96 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,640 make each other laugh. Um, 97 00:05:45,850 --> 00:05:49,880 we've talked about it in the past in terms of our scenes mm-hmm. , 98 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:54,880 once we finally kind of let the daddy and baby girl 99 00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:59,960 sides of ourselves come out with the sadistic and masochistic 100 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:04,400 sides, uh, our scenes got a lot more playful. Yes. There's a lot more laughter. 101 00:06:05,260 --> 00:06:09,960 Um, and so it's just sort of an inherent part of who we are. 102 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,520 It's how we relate to one another. Um, 103 00:06:12,980 --> 00:06:16,600 and if you ever want to know just how bad it is for us in life, 104 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:21,680 or between us because of tension, it's directly related to, you know, 105 00:06:21,860 --> 00:06:26,400 the lack of silliness going on. Um, but it may, 106 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,240 thinking about how silly we can be, um, 107 00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:33,960 made me think about the power exchange folks 108 00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:39,440 and just relationships out there where silliness is considered an 109 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,960 absolute negative. Yeah. Um, the sort of stoic, 110 00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:49,520 stern, this is super serious, super important stuff we're doing here. 111 00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:53,240 There's not really a place for joking around and laughter, 112 00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:57,400 and I was kind of in a dynamic like that, um, 113 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:01,000 my very first one mm-hmm. and I, knowing my, how I am now, 114 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:05,880 knowing myself better now than I did then as a ster that was never gonna 115 00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:10,040 last long. Um, so yeah. I just kind of, 116 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,720 I just kind of wanna talk about it. Mm-hmm. . So, um, 117 00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:17,280 let's start with you. Um, is, I have many questions. 118 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:18,333 Oh, goodness. 119 00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:23,320 Is silliness kind of new to you, new-ish to you as you've gotten older? 120 00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:26,920 Is it something that you've struggled with as a kink? Like what, 121 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:27,920 what does this all mean. 122 00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:30,800 For you? Um, silliness is not something that's new to me. 123 00:07:31,270 --> 00:07:35,520 I've always had a goofy side. Mm-hmm. 124 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,600 to me, um, 125 00:07:39,470 --> 00:07:44,000 when it comes to, to kink, um, early on, my, 126 00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:48,360 my foray in, into kink, um, was high protocol. 127 00:07:48,740 --> 00:07:51,960 Mm-hmm. , you know, so everything was very serious. Mm-hmm. 128 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,120 with that. And there was nothing wrong with that. It, 129 00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:58,800 it worked well. Mm-hmm. in that 130 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:03,430 dynamic at that time mm-hmm. . Um, 131 00:08:07,290 --> 00:08:07,690 and, 132 00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:12,670 and I'm not gonna say that there weren't some lighthearted moments mm-hmm. 133 00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:17,630 , but there, you know, the, the high protocol took the forefront, 134 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:17,870 right. When. 135 00:08:17,870 --> 00:08:19,870 There's a specific structure and seriousness mm-hmm. , 136 00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:24,670 you're kind of supposed to follow, that's gonna be what leads. 137 00:08:25,010 --> 00:08:26,950 And then if there's a moment for. 138 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,090 Right. 139 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,630 Lightheartedness, it might slip. 140 00:08:29,630 --> 00:08:32,070 In. Yeah. So, you know it, 141 00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:39,550 that, that relationship was very natural to that mm-hmm. , 142 00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:44,670 um, all that changed when I met you. 143 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:48,230 You, I was thinking about this earlier when we first got together, 144 00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:50,750 long before we were daddy and baby girl. Mm-hmm. , 145 00:08:50,750 --> 00:08:52,430 because I didn't resist the baby girl. 146 00:08:52,630 --> 00:08:56,120 I did resist the baby girl thing because it was like, what? Um, 147 00:08:56,860 --> 00:08:58,800 but once I embraced it, I embraced it fully. 148 00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:03,000 You resisted being the idea of being a daddy dom. Yeah. Longer than I resisted. 149 00:09:03,140 --> 00:09:06,880 But, um, we tried to be that serious, 150 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:10,040 not high protocol. Like there, there weren't a million rules. Mm-hmm. 151 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:10,150 , 152 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:14,040 part of that was 'cause of being long distance and just busy people. Like, 153 00:09:14,050 --> 00:09:17,160 there was only so much either of us could keep up with mm-hmm. 154 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,680 from a distance mm-hmm. . Um, 155 00:09:19,460 --> 00:09:24,160 but we tried the serious thing where Yeah. The idea of, 156 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:26,240 um, you know, 157 00:09:27,540 --> 00:09:30,840 so I don't know how to say this one without pissing some people off, uh, 158 00:09:30,860 --> 00:09:33,200 the people who don't like silliness, I guess. And two, 159 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,640 without wording it completely wrong. So 160 00:09:37,770 --> 00:09:40,480 there is app, and I know this 'cause I was raised this way, 161 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,240 so I know there this exists everywhere. 162 00:09:43,570 --> 00:09:47,360 There is this idea among some people that 163 00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:53,280 to be silly in a meaningful moment 164 00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:57,640 or in an important moment is to be disrespectful. Mm-hmm. 165 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:02,560 and I have observed enough people in 166 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,280 general, but definitely Sters, 167 00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:09,800 who would find cracking a joke in the middle of like a 168 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:14,040 power exchange kind of moment, or making a little goofy face or whatever, 169 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,680 whatever mm-hmm. to not only be not funny, 170 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,640 but to be disrespectful to the moment. Now, if that's how somebody feels, 171 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,240 I respect that. And if I know that I will, I will mm-hmm. 172 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,113 do my best. 173 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:28,040 I also now know myself well enough to know that I'm probably incompatible with 174 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:29,600 that person because Sure. 175 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,520 I agree that there's a time and a place for everything that is, 176 00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:35,120 will be part of this discussion too. 177 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,880 'cause you and I have had to learn that lesson each, um, 178 00:10:38,060 --> 00:10:42,880 so not every moment is appropriate for being a goofball. Right. 179 00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:44,133 But if the, 180 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:49,440 I the general idea of ever being silly in the middle 181 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,760 of engaging, um, 182 00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:55,800 in our dynamic is completely off the table. 183 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,640 Because any sign of silliness, goofiness, 184 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:02,040 playfulness is air quote disrespectful, then I know. That's for me, 185 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:07,040 I know that's a compatibility issue. Yeah. Um, because I just, if, 186 00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:12,920 if I am fully comfortable with you and fully comfortable in myself, it's, 187 00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:15,760 it's gonna, it's gonna come out at some point. I'm just, 188 00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:18,880 I'm gonna have an errant thought that's gonna make me giggle, 189 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,440 and then I'm gonna have to tell you that errant thought. 190 00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:24,280 So hopefully you will giggle with me. Right. That's just, 191 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:28,640 that's just how it goes. Um, go ahead. Yeah. 192 00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:32,560 I'm looking at Lola, she wants to go out. Um, sorry if we sound disjointed. 193 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:36,800 Blame me. I'm glitching left, right and center today as a human being. Um, 194 00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:39,133 so 195 00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:44,680 with previous partners and partners you've had that weren't me while we've been 196 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:46,640 together, um, 197 00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:52,920 have you noticed the, a lack the lack of silliness, playfulness? 198 00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:58,000 Has it mattered? Has it even been a factor for you have, it has, 199 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:02,120 you know, how compare our silliness to everybody else, 200 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,800 I guess is what I'm saying. What, what's that been like? Um. 201 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,800 I, I think in any, with, with anyone that I have, um, 202 00:12:11,870 --> 00:12:14,160 been, been involved with since we've, I, 203 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:19,000 I think having a sense of humor and having some silliness is important. 204 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:19,480 Mm-hmm. 205 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,720 , and we have talked about humor before. Yes. And, 206 00:12:21,780 --> 00:12:24,880 and where we find the importance of it in our exchange mm-hmm. , 207 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:30,000 I linked to it in the places. I think I have in fact done that ahead of time. 208 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:35,000 . Yes. I'm, if I didn't, I meant to, and I will. Um, so yeah. 209 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:38,600 And I think humor is part of silliness and silliness. Yeah. You know, 210 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,320 being playful. There's humor is involved. 211 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:43,920 I also think that humor can stand on its own because I, 212 00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:46,680 you can have a dry sense of humor and make a, 213 00:12:46,820 --> 00:12:50,400 an observation or crack a joke or just mm-hmm. 214 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,640 see the ridiculousness of a situation. You know, 215 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,680 like when in a safe way, things don't go well. 216 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,960 in your kink scene, like, 217 00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:03,800 every time one of us cramps up and we're gonna deal with the pain and like, 218 00:13:03,830 --> 00:13:06,840 make sure the other is fine, and then we're gonna laugh about it. Yep. 219 00:13:07,260 --> 00:13:12,120 But the silliness to me is a subset of humor where I am 220 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:16,400 trying to make you laugh. Um, I am, I am, 221 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:21,240 I know for me, my silliness comes from, I wanna make, I want to laugh and smile. 222 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:25,760 I want JB to laugh and smile. Sometimes I wanna cut the tension. 223 00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:30,880 Um, sometimes, uh, I, 224 00:13:32,580 --> 00:13:36,360 I'm not trying to be silly and it, and, uh, 225 00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:40,720 something I've said or done just strikes you as goofy and you're laughing. 226 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:44,920 And I call that a bonus. Like, I'm not offended by that. Um, 227 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:49,080 I will say, 'cause I think that having this conversation, 228 00:13:50,690 --> 00:13:54,280 those who do not wanna, you know, have a good faith listen to this, 229 00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:58,120 will think that we are saying that B D S M isn't supposed to be serious. 230 00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,960 And that's not true either. No. 231 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:03,200 There are elements of B D S M that absolutely you need to take seriously. 232 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,360 Communication, consent, risk awareness, safety protocols. Mm-hmm. 233 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:11,200 learning the skills before you do the thing. Like, yes. 234 00:14:11,410 --> 00:14:15,600 Those are serious things. And I, I know for me, 235 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:19,000 this is where sometimes you get onto me about my silliness, 236 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:22,040 it can appear that, 237 00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:27,120 or sometimes I actually am forgetting the seriousness to 238 00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:30,320 go for the joke, to go for the playfulness mm-hmm. mm-hmm. 239 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,160 to, to giggle about something. Um, 240 00:14:33,420 --> 00:14:36,080 and I think that's a fine line to have to walk. 241 00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:39,440 You have to understand the seriousness of a thing, 242 00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:43,640 and then figure out the appropriate time within that serious moment 243 00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:49,880 for the laugh. Um, knowing what you know about, 244 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,880 you know, other relationships and, and, 245 00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:56,240 and that the silliness like amped up once we got together. , 246 00:14:57,500 --> 00:15:01,480 how do you feel about the silliness and the goofiness? Um. 247 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:06,200 I've come to see it as part of our relationship now. Mm-hmm. 248 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,080 . Mm-hmm. . 249 00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:11,520 Okay. Um, you know, it, uh, 250 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:15,880 it, it's something that has become so prevalent 251 00:15:17,590 --> 00:15:22,080 with us that I think if it were to go away, I'd be like, okay, what's wrong? 252 00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:27,680 Anytime we stop being silly or one of us is being silly and it doesn't land 253 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,800 with the other . Right. Um, that's the first thing I'm thinking. 254 00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:33,600 I'm like, okay, where's the disconnect? 255 00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:38,160 Because if we're not giggling and laughing together, something has, 256 00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:40,120 is wrong. Mm-hmm. , and we have to fix it. 257 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,520 I don't like this right now. Not, you know, 258 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:47,320 I know that there are folks who are silly all of the time. 259 00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:51,120 We are not that when I'm not being silly, I'm probably being a snarky bitch, 260 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:56,120 like . But I can still make him laugh and most of my snarkiness. 261 00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:59,640 And so I am a hundred percent, you know, 262 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,400 going for the laugh regardless. Um, 263 00:16:04,660 --> 00:16:06,480 but yeah. Us, 264 00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:11,840 my sense of how we are doing silliness and goofiness and playfulness 265 00:16:11,980 --> 00:16:16,400 and all of the different adjectives to say that that is the barometer. True. 266 00:16:16,470 --> 00:16:20,680 Because we can be really sarcastic and cutting 267 00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:23,360 and kind of make the other one chuckle. 268 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:26,360 That does not mean we're in a good place. 269 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:27,553 . Right. . 270 00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:32,520 It means that if things go wrong, just one more time, those, uh, 271 00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:37,480 jokes will become actual insults. And we need to watch ourselves. The play, 272 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:42,480 the lightheartedness of it is the barometer. Like, how are we doing? True. 273 00:16:43,140 --> 00:16:45,600 Um, so let's talk about something with that. 274 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,060 . 275 00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:49,000 And that is time and place. Mm-hmm. 276 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:49,240 and. 277 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:50,073 Having to learn that. 278 00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:55,250 Yes. Um, yeah. 279 00:16:55,690 --> 00:16:56,523 . 280 00:16:56,690 --> 00:16:58,970 I had to learn the lesson first. You. 281 00:16:58,970 --> 00:16:59,750 Did. 282 00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:02,250 So here's the, you did, here's the thing about me. Um, 283 00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:05,730 and we'll just blame the childhood trauma. It's fine. . Um, 284 00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:10,850 the way I know that somebody I deeply care about is happy with me, 285 00:17:10,990 --> 00:17:15,410 is if I can get them to smile and laugh with me. So I have, 286 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:18,490 I I, I will not act like it has completely gone away. 287 00:17:18,610 --> 00:17:23,490 'cause that this tendency is still there have a tendency when things get tense 288 00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:27,330 to try to crack a joke, be silly, get goofy, 289 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:31,450 because the smile and the laugh is air, quote, this, 290 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,730 this is where I need more therapy. Mm-hmm. 291 00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:37,610 is the proof that that person still loves me and cares about me. 292 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:42,570 Yeah. So, , I don't know how many times, 293 00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:45,610 I can't even think of specific examples 'cause they're kind of fleeting moments. 294 00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:48,970 But yeah, there have been many times over the years, more in the, 295 00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:53,720 the early days than now where things will get tense. JB will be aggravated. 296 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:58,480 We'll be in a, like, in a back and forth. Like, I think I'm right. 297 00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,160 No, I think I'm right. Something like that. 298 00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:03,800 And I just want the tension to go away, . 299 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:08,480 And if, if a random thought occurs to me, 300 00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:11,560 it will probably come outta my mouth. Uh, 301 00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:16,800 and that has not gone well because my memory of those moments is that 302 00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:20,800 you, part of it is the, no, not right now. I'm not laughing at that. Right. 303 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:21,360 And part of it, 304 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,720 I think is where it comes back to that idea that sometimes goofiness can 305 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:29,040 absolutely come across as disrespect. Mm-hmm. . Um, like, 306 00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:33,520 I'm not taking the moment seriously enough. Right. Uh, how do you, 307 00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:35,520 how do you feel about that. 308 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:41,000 ? Um, I mean, it, 309 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:44,560 I think it's one of those things that's gonna happen. Oh yeah. For sure. 310 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:48,800 Regardless. So, you know, it's, um, 311 00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:56,160 not so much a matter of how I feel about it per se, but, 312 00:18:56,220 --> 00:19:01,040 um, you know, I can't read you a hundred percent of the time. 313 00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:05,200 You can't read me a hundred percent of the time. So it's going to happen. 314 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:06,620 Absolutely. 315 00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:11,400 You know, um, you know, we're talking about this on my end. 316 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,480 I mean, I remember for a while there, 317 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:18,400 I had gotten so wrapped up in my goofiness and, and, you know, 318 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,640 trying to be silly. 319 00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:24,280 It actually annoyed you to a point that you were like, 320 00:19:25,190 --> 00:19:27,040 need to stop and you need to stop. 321 00:19:27,220 --> 00:19:30,720 Do you know when it occurs? It's when you're teasing me. Yeah. And I, I, 322 00:19:30,790 --> 00:19:33,680 this comes from many different places. 'cause it's all, you know, 323 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,720 contextual and nuanced and whatever. 324 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:40,720 I know a big part of it is 'cause I'm an only child and I, I don't share well, 325 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,040 and I don't take teasing well. 326 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:46,240 'cause that is not what I had to deal with in my formative years. and, 327 00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:51,160 and teasing. I think also it goes back to some other stuff. 328 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:55,000 Teasing to me feels mean after a while. Like the first time, ha ha Yeah, 329 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,480 please stop. Fine. 330 00:19:57,060 --> 00:20:00,520 But there would be times that you would push that teasing. And, 331 00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:03,960 and I know intellectually that you're being lighthearted. 332 00:20:04,140 --> 00:20:06,840 You think you're hilarious. And , , 333 00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:11,120 until we kinda learned each other well enough and we're still learning one 334 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:14,160 another after all these years, it would almost reduce me to tears. 335 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,280 And what was funny is it wasn't you, 336 00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:18,640 and it wasn't even what you were teasing about. 337 00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:22,880 You never tease about something that's like so deeply personal that it could be 338 00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:24,880 insulting. But it was like, 339 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:30,920 it was all the stuff that has led to me not handling being teased. Well, 340 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:31,540 . 341 00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:32,640 It was too much. It. 342 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,640 Was too much. Yeah. And I, and I think that's how I started. 343 00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:40,880 Even now when it kind of happens, I go, whoa, too much. Too much. It's too much. 344 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,400 I need you to stop now. I, but you know what? 345 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,480 I have to have to teach that with the, the kids. Yeah. 346 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,520 Because being silly and goofy is just, I mean, lord, 347 00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:55,480 the amount of inappropriate humor at our dinner table, . Um, 348 00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:58,760 so, you know, the, 349 00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:02,840 the kids were teasing me about something and I was trying to take it in good 350 00:21:02,940 --> 00:21:04,200 graces and try to be like, 351 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:09,040 open-minded about how this shouldn't be a thing that bothers me. Not not in the, 352 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,720 I, you know, shoulding all over myself if I shouldn't be upset. But like, 353 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:13,640 this should be a topic. 354 00:21:14,070 --> 00:21:17,160 This ought to be a topic that you can talk about more openly. 355 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,640 But it was hitting me on a deep personal level. And I finally, 356 00:21:19,980 --> 00:21:22,920 in the middle of it one day at the dinner table, I had to go, okay, okay. 357 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:27,880 I know y'all are just being playful. I know you don't mean anything by it, 358 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,720 but this one's really bothering me. We gotta stop mm-hmm. . Um, 359 00:21:30,980 --> 00:21:33,880 and they took that to heart. And they, they've never teased me about that since. 360 00:21:34,020 --> 00:21:38,440 But, you know, you and I have such a relationship where we, 361 00:21:40,830 --> 00:21:45,400 most of the time we will default to playfulness. Um, 362 00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:49,640 and so that, that sometimes gets lost. We, we, 363 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,440 I think you and I have had to push back against each other more often than I've 364 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,000 even had to do with the kids, because it's like that's, 365 00:21:56,860 --> 00:22:01,560 we are at our happiest and our best when we, you know, like I said, 366 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,800 it's the barometer of the relationship. Yes. Um, 367 00:22:03,820 --> 00:22:06,560 and so we're desperately trying to get back to that place. 368 00:22:06,620 --> 00:22:09,600 And the other one is just not fucking having it. . 369 00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:16,040 But you know what, it also happens, I feel like accidentally, like we're, 370 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,280 sometimes we're not even, most of the time, I don't think we're even trying. 371 00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:22,320 Case in point, at the very top of the podcast, the, 372 00:22:22,580 --> 00:22:25,000 the audio podcast of this episode, 373 00:22:25,980 --> 00:22:29,960 we cracked a joke about the number 69 devolved into just mm-hmm. 374 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,880 stupid giggles. And I, 375 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:38,000 I could analyze it now and go, oh, well here's why that happens. Well, 376 00:22:38,020 --> 00:22:42,640 but in the moment, it's like we, we have similar senses of humor, 377 00:22:42,930 --> 00:22:47,920 right? Um, we've got inside jokes just as the relationship has developed. 378 00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:51,040 So we, you know, this is very common. A lot of people do this, 379 00:22:51,060 --> 00:22:54,120 but anytime you'll see the number 69, 1 of us is gonna giggle first. 380 00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:58,000 The other one's gonna giggle next. And we're just gonna, it's gonna devolve, 381 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,320 right? Mm-hmm. , because we've sort of developed that, um, 382 00:23:02,250 --> 00:23:04,080 which is hilarious. Like when, uh, 383 00:23:04,780 --> 00:23:08,160 family comes to visit and they don't have our 12 year old sense of humor, 384 00:23:08,740 --> 00:23:12,280 and the number 69 will come up and we're giggling, and like, my mother's like, 385 00:23:12,380 --> 00:23:14,160 what's so funny? And I'm like, oh, well, 386 00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:17,080 I'm definitely not explaining it to you. Okay? Mm mm-hmm. , 387 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,400 which reminds me that, oh yeah, not everybody laughs at these things. Right, 388 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:24,840 right, right. Um, yeah, you know what, it's, 389 00:23:24,910 --> 00:23:27,600 it's funny to me because thinking about my silliness, 390 00:23:29,030 --> 00:23:30,200 it's a measure of a lot of things. 391 00:23:30,220 --> 00:23:32,080 So it's a measure of the health of our relationship. 392 00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:37,640 It's a measure of how comfortable I am, like mm-hmm. , 393 00:23:37,980 --> 00:23:40,440 all of my guard is down. If I can be silly, 394 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:44,960 because sometimes the stuff that I think is either hilarious or worth 395 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:49,320 mentioning, randos out there in the world who don't know me, would be like, 396 00:23:49,350 --> 00:23:51,600 well, you're a weirdo. What the fuck? Right? Yeah. 397 00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:56,400 But the people who know me best are like, yes, that's fucking hilarious. Or, 398 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,120 yes, I wanna be silly with you. I wanna be playful with you in this moment. 399 00:23:59,620 --> 00:24:04,000 So my level of silliness and comfort with it 400 00:24:04,620 --> 00:24:05,380 is, 401 00:24:05,380 --> 00:24:10,160 is directly tied to my comfort level and 402 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:15,280 intimacy level with the person I'm being silly with. We don't, I don't, one, 403 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,720 we don't go out often enough, but two, 404 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:20,040 we go out together so often that I tend to just be automatically a little bit 405 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,320 more comfortable because you're there. And in a whisper. 406 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,000 I will be silly with you, 407 00:24:25,460 --> 00:24:28,360 but I don't know if you've ever just sat back and observed that most of the time 408 00:24:28,620 --> 00:24:31,600 in public, I'm extremely reserved. Yeah. 409 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:36,080 I know anybody who can hear the sound of our voice or see our face right now. 410 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,680 It's like, yeah. Right. Kayla's reserved so fucking reserved. 411 00:24:39,950 --> 00:24:43,440 Like not even the same person. . And there are lots of reasons for that, 412 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,640 like all kinds of reasons for that. But no, 413 00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:50,480 not just anybody gets to see my silly, goofy side. No, that's true. 414 00:24:50,700 --> 00:24:51,320 But you know what? 415 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:56,280 Part of that is because too many people didn't care, 416 00:24:56,660 --> 00:25:01,480 or about my feelings and did not like my silly, 417 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,320 goofy side. I mean, from childhood on, it was either inappropriate, 418 00:25:05,390 --> 00:25:09,880 disrespectful, uh, I was the weird kid. Like, 419 00:25:10,060 --> 00:25:13,160 all these reasons that kind of pile up where you're like, okay, well I will, 420 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:14,920 I will be what the world, you know, 421 00:25:14,950 --> 00:25:18,400 expects to see and they're not allowed to see this. So the, 422 00:25:19,340 --> 00:25:22,840 to have a relationship where not only can I just be silly, 423 00:25:23,270 --> 00:25:27,360 like it's possible to be the silly one and have your partner go, I see you, 424 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,840 I honor that be who you are, but I also don't fucking get it. Right. . 425 00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:35,360 So that's one thing. And I've been in those relationships. Um, 426 00:25:35,540 --> 00:25:37,120 but it's another thing to go, yeah, 427 00:25:37,180 --> 00:25:41,400 here's my goofball self and the other one to go, here's my goofball self. 428 00:25:41,530 --> 00:25:45,520 We're gonna be goofballs together. Um, you know, that, 429 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:49,560 that's a very freeing thing. Yeah. Um, 430 00:25:51,310 --> 00:25:53,710 I had other thoughts and they're starting to uhoh. 431 00:25:53,890 --> 00:25:57,350 Here's the thing that's been on my mind about this. Okay. 432 00:25:58,670 --> 00:26:03,430 I think there are people out there, not o other people who are like, yeah, 433 00:26:03,510 --> 00:26:06,470 I am also silly, but people who maybe aren't, or like, uh, 434 00:26:07,370 --> 00:26:10,150 who would assume that goofiness, playfulness, 435 00:26:10,390 --> 00:26:14,630 silliness is an attribute of caregiver little dynamics only. 436 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,190 Which, if you are a silly person and you are not in a, 437 00:26:18,430 --> 00:26:21,550 a caregiver little power exchange, you're like, of course it's not, 438 00:26:22,010 --> 00:26:25,310 I'm not talking to y'all, y'all know, but there, I think that people go, oh, 439 00:26:25,310 --> 00:26:29,830 that, that's, that's a trait of daddy. He's a daddy dom and she's a baby girl. 440 00:26:29,930 --> 00:26:33,030 Of course there's silly . That's how that works. 441 00:26:34,130 --> 00:26:37,830 And I know that's not true. I know that's not true, 442 00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:41,190 but I think it's a stereotype. 443 00:26:43,590 --> 00:26:44,880 Yeah. I'd have to agree with that. 444 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:48,000 Because here's what brings that, what makes me think about that. 445 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,480 I think about all typically dominance, but not always. Mm-hmm. 446 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:55,000 who get caught in that thinking that, oh, 447 00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:59,280 to be dominant big D dominant, I have to be stern and stoic and mm-hmm. 448 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,920 , you know, it's very serious. And for some people, 449 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,840 that's exactly who they are and that's fine. 450 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,120 Right. And that's what they want. Yes. 451 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:10,040 Right. Yeah. And for some people, they go, oh God, this, this is not fitting me. 452 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,920 Am I really dominant for the submissive side? Mm-hmm. , 453 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,960 am I really submissive? 'cause I keep like giggling. Like. 454 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,000 It's like wearing a shirt that's too tight and you're always trying. 455 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:21,000 Exactly. And I part the reason I wanna have this conversation, 456 00:27:21,490 --> 00:27:24,680 other than the fact that being silly just makes me happy and let's talk about 457 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:25,680 things that make me happy, , 458 00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:30,360 is because I know there'll be somebody out there who's like, well, yeah. 459 00:27:30,510 --> 00:27:32,440 That I think, let's say dominance. Mm-hmm. , 460 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,760 I think dominance has to be really serious and stern. But who might also go, 461 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:37,840 yeah. But it, it feels like a shirt that don't fit. Right. 462 00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:42,400 And maybe it's because you're not letting your playful side out. Right. 463 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,640 Or your goofy side out, or you're not cracking a joke when it's appropriate. 464 00:27:45,900 --> 00:27:47,560 And how do you know when it's an appropriate time? 465 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:48,880 You don't really , 466 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:53,000 you have to crack the joke and see how it lands . Right. 467 00:27:54,260 --> 00:27:58,400 You learn over time, oh, this isn't the right time, this isn't the right time, 468 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,280 whatever, whatever. Mm-hmm. mm-hmm. . But I, 469 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,880 I think that there's this idea that the on of the sters, 470 00:28:03,900 --> 00:28:08,400 the only ones who are silly and goofy and playful are the littles and the 471 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:11,880 caregivers who try to keep up with them. Um, 472 00:28:12,060 --> 00:28:14,920 and I know we fit that stereotype, but I just don't think that's true. 473 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:19,520 I would be silly as a surface sub. I'm silly as a surface sub. You are, 474 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:20,760 I'm silly in different ways. 475 00:28:21,380 --> 00:28:26,320 So when I'm in the middle of taking care of shit, right. 476 00:28:27,060 --> 00:28:29,160 I'm pretty focused and I am kind of serious about that. 477 00:28:29,220 --> 00:28:33,520 But I am also probably dancing a little dance, 478 00:28:33,530 --> 00:28:36,960 dance in the kitchen. I'm humming some made up song. Mm-hmm. 479 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:37,880 or God help us, 480 00:28:37,910 --> 00:28:42,720 some song or sound I heard on a reel that's like now trapped in my brain. 481 00:28:43,300 --> 00:28:45,320 You know, I'm making little noises. I'm, 482 00:28:45,340 --> 00:28:47,200 I'm also doing things like stemming . 483 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,200 Like I have learned that about myself. Um, 484 00:28:49,420 --> 00:28:54,280 and those are not inherently silly. They can appear that way if you, you know, 485 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,160 whatever. But I'm, if I'm relaxed, I'm, 486 00:28:57,620 --> 00:29:01,280 I'm probably being a goofball while I'm serving. Mm-hmm. . 487 00:29:01,890 --> 00:29:05,760 Especially if I think I can get you to laugh. 'cause that's what I want. 488 00:29:06,740 --> 00:29:10,160 Partly because I get validation from that. 489 00:29:10,420 --> 00:29:13,000 How do you know somebody's happy with you and they still love you? 490 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:18,200 'cause they're smiling. Like, but also it brings me joy to do that. 491 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,960 Mm-hmm. , like, it makes me happy to, to see, to make, 492 00:29:23,140 --> 00:29:25,920 not to make you be lighthearted, but to see you in that space, 493 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,080 to know that the thing I said, or the thing I did, or something about me. 494 00:29:31,190 --> 00:29:35,800 Yeah. Created that moment. Like, I like that shit . So 495 00:29:38,990 --> 00:29:42,960 Yeah. I just, for the, for the folks who go, well, of course you're, 496 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:47,280 you're like that because you're in that dynamic. Me. Yeah. Sure. 497 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,480 I think a lot of us in the dynamic probably are, 498 00:29:49,820 --> 00:29:54,160 and I wonder how many people gravitate towards this dynamic. Not specifically. 499 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,000 Like, I don't, when I say I'm a baby girl, I don't, I don't, 500 00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,600 I say I'm on the spectrum of what it means to be a little. 501 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:03,680 'cause I don't consider myself a little, the, the, um, 502 00:30:04,460 --> 00:30:07,360 age play aspect, which not all littles do, believe me, 503 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,960 I know that doesn't really do it for me. The things that I, 504 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:15,160 I attribute to littles, like the activities or the, you know, certain things, 505 00:30:15,300 --> 00:30:19,480 I'm kind of, I always feel like I'm kind of on the edge of that mm-hmm. 506 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:19,960 . Okay. 507 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,840 And I wonder if there are people out there who feel on the edge, 508 00:30:23,870 --> 00:30:27,480 like they can't quite, they're not quite there to go. Yeah. 509 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:32,200 We're a caregiver a little, but they identify with it not because of the roles. 510 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,680 Like maybe they don't identify with the roles, 511 00:30:33,700 --> 00:30:36,600 but they identify with the playfulness. Mm-hmm. , 512 00:30:36,830 --> 00:30:41,680 they identify with the silliness, they identify with the, the lightheartedness. 513 00:30:42,180 --> 00:30:45,600 How many ways can I say silly in one sentence? Let's just, we're gonna try this. 514 00:30:46,140 --> 00:30:48,640 Um, and that's the part they identify with. Yeah. 515 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:52,640 Because the caregiver little dynamic has the permission 516 00:30:53,700 --> 00:30:57,720 to be playful do and silly to do it. It is assumed that a little, 517 00:30:58,580 --> 00:31:03,280 at whichever stage of littleness will probably be silly and goofy 518 00:31:03,380 --> 00:31:07,160 and playful. It's inherent to the dynamic. But that's my, 519 00:31:07,340 --> 00:31:12,160 my whole point is that yes, that's an attribute. Absolutely. 520 00:31:12,310 --> 00:31:17,200 Yeah. But also, you don't have to be in this dynamic to find your silly side. 521 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:17,580 Right. 522 00:31:17,580 --> 00:31:21,680 And embrace that silly side with the partner who wants to embrace it mm-hmm. 523 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,000 with you. Yeah. That's what I, yeah. 524 00:31:26,230 --> 00:31:30,360 What I mean by that, um, I think I did, I'm, 525 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:34,800 I'm sure I said this towards the top, um, knowing myself the way I do now, 526 00:31:36,350 --> 00:31:39,890 if I could not be my silly self at least some of the time mm-hmm. Like, 527 00:31:39,890 --> 00:31:42,850 if there wasn't Yeah. I didn't know freedom and I look for it, I, 528 00:31:43,450 --> 00:31:45,890 I would not be compatible with that person. Hmm. 529 00:31:46,290 --> 00:31:48,770 I did not know that about myself in the beginning. I didn't, 530 00:31:49,090 --> 00:31:52,690 I couldn't have told you that when you and I first met mm-hmm. 531 00:31:52,730 --> 00:31:54,290 or when we first, you know, 532 00:31:54,390 --> 00:31:57,130 you became daddy and I became baby girl. I couldn't have told you that. 533 00:31:57,230 --> 00:31:59,370 But looking back now, knowing what, 534 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,890 what tends to bring me the most joy outside of the fuckery. . Right. 535 00:32:03,330 --> 00:32:08,290 outside of the power exchange, you know? Yeah. Closeness. I, yeah. 536 00:32:08,310 --> 00:32:12,890 If I, if I can't crack a joke, be playful. If ever, 537 00:32:12,950 --> 00:32:15,930 if anytime I try to do that is seen as disrespectful, I wouldn't, 538 00:32:16,030 --> 00:32:19,530 I'd have to go, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Okay. Um, 539 00:32:19,810 --> 00:32:24,570 I can do it in a scene where it's meant to be serious and that's what you're 540 00:32:24,570 --> 00:32:29,170 going for. But you know, me, I still try. I I still try to crack a joke. 541 00:32:29,730 --> 00:32:32,770 . I do. You know what though, 542 00:32:33,030 --> 00:32:36,810 in scene when you're like in your daly dom, 543 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,880 usually sadistic like mm-hmm. , you're in that mindset. 544 00:32:40,870 --> 00:32:45,080 What I've learned over the years is the silly joke probably won't land 545 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:50,400 . Right. Um, the, the, the way you tend to, if you are like, 546 00:32:50,550 --> 00:32:54,800 I've got something very, like I, when I say the word cruel, 547 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:59,160 I mean that in the best possible way. Like this gonna be rough on her. Right. 548 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,680 Like that. Yeah. I'm, I'm working towards a goal. I know. Yeah. 549 00:33:01,740 --> 00:33:04,600 You're very stern and straight faced and you are, 550 00:33:04,620 --> 00:33:07,240 you're probably not laughing at much. So I'll, 551 00:33:07,350 --> 00:33:10,560 I'll try to sprinkle in a little playfulness and you know, 552 00:33:10,740 --> 00:33:13,080 I'm taking the temperature of the space. Okay. No, 553 00:33:13,260 --> 00:33:17,800 but what I've learned is that the snarky joke that might make you laugh 554 00:33:18,030 --> 00:33:21,480 will not end well for me in those moments. No, they don't. , , 555 00:33:21,870 --> 00:33:26,760 they don't, you, you enjoy it in a different way. You don't enjoy the humor. 556 00:33:27,020 --> 00:33:30,960 You enjoy where you go, oh, you'll pay for this. Right. Give me a minute, 557 00:33:31,380 --> 00:33:35,000 I'm going work your payment into this scene. I'm crafting in my head. 558 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:38,360 That's right. . So I, uh, 559 00:33:38,510 --> 00:33:42,720 tend to watch you and the vibe you're creating mm-hmm. 560 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,920 before I know if I can let the silly out. Um, 561 00:33:46,060 --> 00:33:48,280 and the way that's happened. Gotcha. We've talked about this in the past, 562 00:33:48,340 --> 00:33:48,640 you know, 563 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:53,080 we've had scenes where you're hitting me with shit and it hurts and I'm 564 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:57,440 giggling. Yeah. And I start giggling and you giggle. Mm-hmm. . Yes. 565 00:33:57,780 --> 00:34:01,720 Yes. This daddy dom can giggle. This is not a full throated laugh. 566 00:34:01,770 --> 00:34:06,440 We're not belly laugh. This is a t he giggle . Okay. And it's adorable. 567 00:34:07,140 --> 00:34:10,040 Um, but yeah, there, there have been, it's been so long, 568 00:34:10,070 --> 00:34:14,800 it's been so long since we just a scene that, just a scene in general mm-hmm. 569 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,640 . But yeah, there are those scenes where you're, 570 00:34:16,780 --> 00:34:20,600 you want it to be this serious moment. That's the, 571 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,040 the roles we're playing of, you know, 572 00:34:23,260 --> 00:34:26,080 you're in charge in the stern way mm-hmm. . 573 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:27,480 And I can do that temporarily. 574 00:34:28,240 --> 00:34:32,720 I can be not silly when the moment calls for it now. Not, not fully. 575 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:38,040 I am the one who only with people who I know are okay for me to do 576 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,680 this. I, I'm the person who'll crack a joke at a funeral because that's, 577 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,040 that's who we are in my family. Uh, , 578 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,480 I will cut the tension with humor if I, if I can. Yeah. 579 00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:51,400 But I am fucking adult and have enough life experience to know there. Mm-hmm. 580 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,080 , there are times I can't, and I can, 581 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,680 I can keep it in and keep it contained. 582 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:59,960 I can be respectful of the situation or the people or the little moment. Right. 583 00:35:00,580 --> 00:35:04,520 But I can't live a life like that. Yeah. I'm gonna need an outlet. 584 00:35:04,620 --> 00:35:07,680 I'm gonna need a way mm-hmm. to go, let me go be my silliest self. 585 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:11,280 Yeah. And I want that way to be with my intimate partners. 586 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:16,160 I don't want an intimate partner who I can understand not getting my 587 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:20,680 playfulness and goofiness. That's, that's fine. You know, but the disdain for, 588 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:23,720 I, I can't, that that's a whole different Yeah. I can't, 589 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:28,800 I can't be with somebody who looks upon my playfulness as somehow making me 590 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:33,000 less submissive. Mm. Like, yeah, no, no. 591 00:35:33,030 --> 00:35:35,640 I'll do almost fucking anything for you. 592 00:35:35,660 --> 00:35:40,600 But you better give me the space at some point to giggle about 593 00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,920 the number 69 or something. Something. 594 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:43,950 . 595 00:35:43,950 --> 00:35:47,920 Something. Um, now I 596 00:35:49,830 --> 00:35:53,360 know that there are times I can be overly serious. You've, you've. 597 00:35:53,700 --> 00:35:54,533 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 598 00:35:54,940 --> 00:35:55,600 How do you feel about that? 599 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:59,560 Knowing that my happy default is to be a fucking goofball. 600 00:35:59,590 --> 00:36:02,200 Like you would almost think I can't take anything seriously, 601 00:36:02,340 --> 00:36:05,480 but I take fucking everything seriously. I don't, I don't, 602 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:11,200 I haven't personally had enough introspection to understand how 603 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:14,560 I take everything mm-hmm. so seriously. 604 00:36:15,180 --> 00:36:19,920 And yet I'm a constant fucking goofball with certain people. 605 00:36:20,140 --> 00:36:20,973 So. 606 00:36:21,950 --> 00:36:22,783 Because. 607 00:36:22,870 --> 00:36:25,360 Playfulness and goofiness is just part of our dynamic. 608 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:29,080 'cause it's part of who we are. Yeah. How, how does, how does it feel when, 609 00:36:29,750 --> 00:36:31,120 when I'm, when I'm not. 610 00:36:32,660 --> 00:36:37,560 Um, there again, too, it depends on where my head space is at. Mm. 611 00:36:38,430 --> 00:36:39,680 Okay. Um, 612 00:36:43,940 --> 00:36:47,280 you know, because if, if I'm 613 00:36:51,060 --> 00:36:55,040 not there and you start, you know, being all serious and, 614 00:36:55,100 --> 00:36:59,240 and laying things out the way you do, I'm like, no, 615 00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:02,600 I can't do this right now. , I I cannot do this right now. 616 00:37:04,130 --> 00:37:07,800 Which does I then end up like aggravated with you. Yeah, you do. 617 00:37:07,980 --> 00:37:10,440 And there will be a sigh. There will be such a deep heavy. 618 00:37:10,590 --> 00:37:13,880 Sigh for my side. Oh my. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Like. 619 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,800 I am all business right now. We have shit to take care. 620 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:21,480 Of. Right. . Exactly. And, 621 00:37:21,620 --> 00:37:26,440 and I just have to be like, you know, no, I, I I cannot do this right now. 622 00:37:27,020 --> 00:37:27,880 Mm-hmm. , um, 623 00:37:29,900 --> 00:37:34,080 got a little bit of it that this morning when you had something you wanted to 624 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:39,000 talk to me about, and I was kind of, I, it was kind of like agu begrudging. 625 00:37:39,350 --> 00:37:42,080 Okay, let's have the conversation. . 626 00:37:42,390 --> 00:37:43,880 This is how glitchy my brain is. 627 00:37:44,290 --> 00:37:45,520 Don't remember it. Yeah. 628 00:37:46,980 --> 00:37:50,720 Bri. Yeah. Oh, was it when I had to ask you about the email we'd gotten Yes. 629 00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:51,540 And I needed. 630 00:37:51,540 --> 00:37:52,640 Yes. Oh yes. 631 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,880 I didn't know you were feeling silly at that moment. 632 00:37:55,830 --> 00:37:59,680 Were you just silly in your own head and in your own space? Yeah. Oh, see, 633 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,000 that's mm-hmm. It's difficult to read a room in that moment. 634 00:38:03,740 --> 00:38:07,960 So, you know. Yeah. And, and that whole, 635 00:38:08,150 --> 00:38:11,280 that whole conversation went south really quick. Oh. 636 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:15,440 Yeah. We both ended up annoyed. Yeah. By the end of it. . Yeah. 637 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:17,760 That was no fun. No, that was no fun. Mm-hmm. 638 00:38:17,900 --> 00:38:22,440 Mm-hmm. Not at all. So, um, you know, yeah. There, there are just times, 639 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,320 I mean, just like, there were moments where, you know, the silliness is, 640 00:38:26,900 --> 00:38:31,280 you know, Nope. Gotta stop. Yeah. Um, it, it's the same with the, 641 00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:34,480 with the opposite, you know? Mm-hmm. . 642 00:38:35,660 --> 00:38:37,760 So it, you know. 643 00:38:38,150 --> 00:38:41,600 Part of that's about reading you So I have, 644 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,440 I am constantly trying to, 645 00:38:43,700 --> 00:38:48,000 not constantly as an everyday trying to tickle John Brownstone. 646 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,400 That's where we're going. I try to tickle John Brownstone, 647 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,160 what I'm trying to do every time I tickle him, even if it's like, 648 00:38:52,210 --> 00:38:56,400 maybe it's been weeks since I've like gone cocha coo, like whatever. Um, 649 00:38:56,860 --> 00:39:00,240 but every time I do, I want him to giggle. That is what I fucking want. 650 00:39:00,500 --> 00:39:04,960 And sometimes I get that and sometimes I don't. And the other day we're like, 651 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,240 ship's passing in the kitchen, right? Mm-hmm. mm-hmm. 652 00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,640 . And I reach out and I, I get his stomach and I make, 653 00:39:09,720 --> 00:39:11,320 I tickle him and I get nothing. 654 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:16,400 I get this stoic like blank face. Yeah. And I, 655 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:20,800 I the submissive go, no, this. 656 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,040 Is, you're not following the rules. 657 00:39:22,180 --> 00:39:24,240 You're not doing this. Right. , 658 00:39:25,910 --> 00:39:30,400 what is the point of tickling you if I'm not gonna get the Pillsbury 659 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,440 Doughboy response that I want? 660 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:40,200 I was not trying to be in charge there. I was being a fucking goofball. Right. 661 00:39:40,260 --> 00:39:44,120 But I was also serious as the day is long. Okay. Just serious. 662 00:39:45,220 --> 00:39:50,080 And so it was the right time, the right moment. I said, let's try this again. 663 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:50,900 . 664 00:39:50,900 --> 00:39:55,600 And I tickled his stomach and I got Pillsbury Doughboy sound 665 00:39:55,670 --> 00:40:00,280 like I got the sound I wanted. I got the giggle. And then we, we moved on. Like, 666 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:04,960 it was just a brief moment. The next day I, like I said, okay, pop quiz. 667 00:40:05,060 --> 00:40:09,280 And I tickled him and it took him a minute. 668 00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:12,160 Because that's the other thing, like, I'll have a running joke in my head. 669 00:40:12,230 --> 00:40:16,160 I'll remember this shit. Yeah. I can't remember nothing. Sometimes , 670 00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:20,480 but I'll remember that I played that little moment and whatever mm-hmm. 671 00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,840 . And I'll do something to get us back to that silly moment. 672 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:27,520 And you just gimme this blank look like, wait, what , where are we at? 673 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:31,680 I know. I know. This means something so , 674 00:40:32,310 --> 00:40:37,000 it's imperfect. Now we do not normally take questions from livestream. Mm-hmm. 675 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,980 But this is, um, uh, 676 00:40:42,050 --> 00:40:43,580 something that I want to address. 677 00:40:43,780 --> 00:40:46,260 'cause I think this is also the confusion for some people. 678 00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:49,660 Like why would you be silly? Like, what's the purpose? Um, 679 00:40:50,530 --> 00:40:54,380 I've gotta scroll back up to find it. But it was, it, it says, um, 680 00:40:56,770 --> 00:40:58,010 I think the, the, I'm sorry, 681 00:40:58,030 --> 00:41:00,250 I'm having to read through the glasses that I can't read through. 682 00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:01,730 Believe their name is Barbara. It says, 683 00:41:01,730 --> 00:41:06,330 how can you be silly in a scene isn't subspace and ultimate goal. I don't, uh, 684 00:41:06,470 --> 00:41:08,290 see how you could achieve subspace of silly. 685 00:41:08,770 --> 00:41:11,450 I don't know that I can achieve subspace while being silly, 686 00:41:11,550 --> 00:41:12,450 but the thing I mm-hmm. , 687 00:41:12,590 --> 00:41:14,170 the important thing that others have said, 688 00:41:14,170 --> 00:41:16,730 and I want us to reiterate is Subspace, 689 00:41:17,510 --> 00:41:21,690 my personal opinion is I would not make subspace a quote goal ever True. 690 00:41:21,690 --> 00:41:24,450 Because you are going mm-hmm. to be disappointed at some point. 691 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:29,250 However, for us, no. Some spaces is never the goal. No. 692 00:41:29,410 --> 00:41:34,060 A good time is the goal. Right. Sensations we want to experience is the goal. 693 00:41:34,300 --> 00:41:38,880 The connection and closeness we feel during a scene is the goal. 694 00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:43,480 Subspace is a happy accident. If it happens, 695 00:41:44,060 --> 00:41:46,440 I'm gonna fucking embrace it. This is great. 696 00:41:46,830 --> 00:41:50,840 Glad to be flying on this high mm-hmm. . And in my experience, 697 00:41:51,540 --> 00:41:55,160 the silly scenes do not usually lead to subspace. 698 00:41:55,300 --> 00:41:59,040 It is typically the, not even the air quote, 699 00:41:59,070 --> 00:42:00,800 serious scenes mm-hmm. , 700 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:04,400 but more of the more intense scene where what we do Yeah. 701 00:42:04,540 --> 00:42:08,960 Is we focus on the action. And you're like, for us it's impact. 702 00:42:08,980 --> 00:42:13,000 So you are just going at me in all these different ways mm-hmm. , 703 00:42:13,260 --> 00:42:15,440 and I'm able to relax into it, 704 00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:18,880 and the music matches up and the lighting matches up, and the, 705 00:42:19,540 --> 00:42:22,360 the whole thing matches up in a way. 706 00:42:22,460 --> 00:42:27,120 And it is a different need way to match every fucking time that allows my brain 707 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,680 to go, you don't have to be here right now mm-hmm. . Yeah. 708 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,360 And I can just sink into those. 709 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,760 Sensations and, and you go on vacation. Yeah. Right. 710 00:42:34,910 --> 00:42:37,400 That is so fucking rare. . 711 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:38,220 . 712 00:42:38,220 --> 00:42:41,240 So rare. Um, that if I made that my goal, 713 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:42,960 I would be disappointed with every fucking scene. 714 00:42:43,020 --> 00:42:46,440 So my personal opinion is that I don't think anybody should make that a goal. 715 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,080 I think that you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. 716 00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:54,360 But on a personal note, that is never a goal that, because I, I can't, 717 00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,520 you can't predict it. You can't force subspace. 718 00:42:57,060 --> 00:42:59,760 The more you think about I need to get into subspace, 719 00:42:59,980 --> 00:43:02,680 the less likely you are to do it. And true. 720 00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:05,160 Even if you have all the quote conditions Right. 721 00:43:05,540 --> 00:43:07,640 For it doesn't mean it'll happen. 722 00:43:07,900 --> 00:43:12,680 So the goal for our scenes is just to connect in a way and to feel what we wanna 723 00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:15,240 feel Yeah. And for it to be a good time. And, uh, 724 00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:19,800 a lot of times recently we're gonna giggle through it in some way. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 725 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:20,840 in some way. Yeah. 726 00:43:21,140 --> 00:43:24,200 And I always feel more connected to you after those kinds of scenes when we've 727 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:25,440 giggled our way through it. True. 728 00:43:26,110 --> 00:43:30,880 That is very true. And, and, you know, this just goes to show how, you know, 729 00:43:31,410 --> 00:43:34,000 again, you look at, at B D S M and, 730 00:43:34,260 --> 00:43:38,760 and the things that we do as a spectrum mm-hmm. , you know, 731 00:43:38,830 --> 00:43:41,720 that for us, uh, humor and, 732 00:43:41,860 --> 00:43:45,760 and silliness and being goofy is a part of who we are. Mm-hmm. 733 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,000 and, and for someone, you know, and, 734 00:43:48,020 --> 00:43:52,320 and we can have a scene where we giggle and laugh and, you know, 735 00:43:53,050 --> 00:43:57,560 enjoy it. And for someone else, it's like, no, that's not what I want. Right. 736 00:43:57,620 --> 00:43:59,280 You know, so it, it's, it's all, 737 00:43:59,310 --> 00:44:03,560 it's all part of the spectrum of this big broad world that we're. 738 00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:05,240 In. And it's inherently personal. Yeah. 739 00:44:05,260 --> 00:44:07,240 And I think it can change from time to time. Mm-hmm. 740 00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:09,240 And I think it can change from partner to partner. Right. 741 00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:13,720 'cause how you relate to a partner in general will dictate how you probably 742 00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:18,640 relate in scene. Um, and some people are less goofball unless silly, unless, 743 00:44:18,740 --> 00:44:19,380 and that's okay. 744 00:44:19,380 --> 00:44:23,080 And I don't want it to make it sound like I think we are somehow morally 745 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,240 superior because we're giggling over here. Like, 746 00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,320 I don't think that at all there. 747 00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:32,520 I know it has taken me years to get to a point where I'm 748 00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:35,600 comfortable in my silliness mm-hmm. , but even then, 749 00:44:35,780 --> 00:44:37,720 I'm only comfortable with certain people. 750 00:44:37,940 --> 00:44:42,640 So I am curious of how many more people would be a little bit more playful, 751 00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:44,480 A little bit sillier. Yeah. 752 00:44:44,580 --> 00:44:46,520 If they could be comfortable with that side of themselves. 753 00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:49,480 But I also recognize that some people just aren't built that way. Mm-hmm. 754 00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,160 . Um, and I think what it, for me, 755 00:44:52,230 --> 00:44:56,480 this topic is to talk to those people who think that they're not supposed to be 756 00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:59,960 that way. That they are, that they know that they're kind of a goofball, 757 00:45:00,380 --> 00:45:03,520 but they think that somehow B D ss M just doesn't allow for it. 758 00:45:04,620 --> 00:45:07,800 It absolutely fucking allows for it. You just, sometimes what you're, 759 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:12,400 what you're missing is the compatible partner who will 760 00:45:13,310 --> 00:45:17,000 encourage your goofball side. Mm-hmm. who will join in with you, 761 00:45:17,180 --> 00:45:21,920 who will, you know, feed that for you. So it becomes a give and take. Um, 762 00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:23,993 I, you know, 763 00:45:24,430 --> 00:45:29,160 there's a place often in my fantasies for that 764 00:45:30,170 --> 00:45:35,040 stern, serious, super strict, you know mm-hmm. , um, 765 00:45:36,230 --> 00:45:40,960 obey me, obey every word. Kind of like dom and kinking and Yeah. 766 00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:41,240 I'll, 767 00:45:41,240 --> 00:45:46,080 I'll happily read that B d ss m erotica only when well written any 768 00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:50,680 fucking day. But I can't live that. I can't do that permanently. Yeah. 769 00:45:51,140 --> 00:45:54,720 And we haven't said this in a long time, but it's, I hope, 770 00:45:54,790 --> 00:45:58,520 sort of the through line of every fucking episode we ever do. And that is, 771 00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:02,800 there is a difference between the fantasy you have in your head 772 00:46:03,660 --> 00:46:07,320 of what B D S M can be and what power exchange can be, and then the reality. 773 00:46:07,740 --> 00:46:10,840 And there are times when those two can overlap. And you can have that scene, 774 00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:15,160 or you can have that moment that fits your fantasy with the reality. I mean, 775 00:46:15,170 --> 00:46:18,960 until your leg cramps or the baby cries down the hall, or, you know, 776 00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,560 teenager calls you in the middle of the night while you, you're, 777 00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:26,720 you're getting wailed on, or you know, the car breaks down or like un until, 778 00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:28,560 you know, until real life ends. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . 779 00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,680 Yes, you can overlap. But what I know happened with me, 780 00:46:32,060 --> 00:46:35,040 and I've seen it happen to people for over the years, 781 00:46:35,540 --> 00:46:40,320 is that we get the fantasy picture in our head and we go, that's what it is. 782 00:46:40,470 --> 00:46:40,900 Yeah. 783 00:46:40,900 --> 00:46:45,680 And then when the reality can't match that we are unhappy or think 784 00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:46,520 we're doing something wrong, 785 00:46:46,740 --> 00:46:51,280 or we do our best to match that fantasy and then wonder why we're unhappy. 786 00:46:51,980 --> 00:46:56,480 My very first power exchange relationship was life changing and 787 00:46:56,960 --> 00:47:01,520 a defining moment in my life. Okay. When I look back on it, 788 00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:06,520 I can see all the ways it never would've survived. And there are several things. 789 00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,240 I mean, it was an incompatibility. We were two different types of people. 790 00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:13,600 I didn't know myself as a submissive well enough yet at that point. Yeah. 791 00:47:13,740 --> 00:47:17,760 Now that I do, because he would lemme be playful for like about 30 seconds. 792 00:47:17,980 --> 00:47:21,400 And then he was done with that shit. Had to put the kosh on that. Right. Yeah. 793 00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:26,160 . And there would've come a point where that would, 794 00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,040 I would've been considered the disrespectful sub. I, 795 00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:33,200 I might've even been labeled a bratt because in that definition of ratting, 796 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,240 he wants me to be, do something, behave away. Mm-hmm. 797 00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:37,880 and I'm gonna fight against it, 798 00:47:37,900 --> 00:47:41,080 but I would not be fighting against it in the playful way that's like 799 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:41,720 consensual. 800 00:47:41,720 --> 00:47:44,560 And I would be fighting against it 'cause I'd be fighting against my nature. 801 00:47:45,130 --> 00:47:49,960 Right. That, that relationship imploded and broke off. Well before we got there, 802 00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,600 I was still in fantasy land. Mm-hmm. , that was like still mm-hmm. 803 00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:55,640 still one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life. All of that. 804 00:47:56,500 --> 00:48:01,000 But I have enough wisdom. And you know, hindsight is 2020. 805 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:02,520 I can, 806 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:07,480 I can see what was on the horizon as I would have learned myself, 807 00:48:07,620 --> 00:48:09,360 who I was as a submissive more. 808 00:48:10,060 --> 00:48:14,920 And as he would have wanted me to diminish parts of myself that can only come 809 00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:17,520 out when I'm fully feeling safe with somebody. 810 00:48:17,580 --> 00:48:21,160 So it would've taken a while for him to even see it. I know. 811 00:48:21,430 --> 00:48:25,760 Knowing what I know now, you know, we wouldn't have worked long term. 812 00:48:26,140 --> 00:48:29,640 And part of that was 'cause I had this idea in my head of what it meant to be 813 00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:30,473 submissive. 814 00:48:30,780 --> 00:48:35,400 And it meant to do every single thing my dom said without question, 815 00:48:35,720 --> 00:48:37,320 regardless of how it made me feel. 816 00:48:38,230 --> 00:48:41,880 I'll do nearly anything you say without question. True. 817 00:48:42,220 --> 00:48:46,840 But part of that is because in every moment you let me be who I am. 818 00:48:47,260 --> 00:48:49,400 And sometimes that's a sassy, 819 00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:53,160 snarky person who sounds like she's talking back, but she's really not. 820 00:48:53,170 --> 00:48:57,200 She's just helping you understand. So you don't have to be wrong anymore. Yeah. 821 00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:01,880 . So. 822 00:49:03,260 --> 00:49:04,093 Uh. 823 00:49:04,950 --> 00:49:09,520 Yeah. But yeah, I, um, 824 00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:12,080 I just, 825 00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:15,360 I kind of just wanna have the conversation not to say that everybody ought to be 826 00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,800 silly or that every, every, uh, 827 00:49:18,850 --> 00:49:21,920 power exchange needs silliness. I don't, I don't think that at all. Yeah. 828 00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:26,640 I just wanna reach the people who are maybe feeling like is, 829 00:49:26,980 --> 00:49:27,740 you know, 830 00:49:27,740 --> 00:49:32,480 why it does power exchange and B D S M have to be so serious all the time. No, 831 00:49:32,900 --> 00:49:34,960 uh, . And if you've ever been like, oh, 832 00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:39,720 I don't feel like this role or this dynamic fits well, is it because any, 833 00:49:40,020 --> 00:49:43,160 any part of yourself, your goofball side or some other part of your side, 834 00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:46,040 are you having to tamp that down to fit this mold? 835 00:49:46,150 --> 00:49:49,720 Like we make it fit us. We don't, you know. Yeah. 836 00:49:50,460 --> 00:49:52,080 That's why we tell you people all the time, 837 00:49:52,100 --> 00:49:54,640 you can't make somebody be your dominant or submissive. Mm-hmm. . 838 00:49:54,700 --> 00:49:57,000 You can want them to, you can encourage them, 839 00:49:57,620 --> 00:50:01,960 you can offer them the resources to go learn about it and decide for themselves. 840 00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:06,120 But you can't make 'em be that way. Well, guess what? A stern, stoic, 841 00:50:06,390 --> 00:50:11,200 serious dominant can't make me be meek mild and 842 00:50:11,220 --> 00:50:14,800 not silly. Not for more in about five minutes. Mm-hmm. , 843 00:50:14,900 --> 00:50:19,800 you get the length of one scene, that's it. And then, um, it'll explode out. 844 00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,960 Anything you repress will eventually explode out. Mm-hmm. . Um, 845 00:50:23,060 --> 00:50:23,893 and I , 846 00:50:25,240 --> 00:50:29,280 I believe it would probably explode out in snark and then I'd just be dumped 847 00:50:30,240 --> 00:50:32,000 . They'd be like, no, I can't do this. 848 00:50:32,140 --> 00:50:33,040 Or you'll get in trouble. 849 00:50:33,710 --> 00:50:37,720 Yeah. Where you get in trouble. You know, and I think some of these things are, 850 00:50:37,780 --> 00:50:40,360 are subtle and insidious. I think it's, I don't, 851 00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,040 I don't think too many people are walking around going, 852 00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:44,440 I can't be my silly self and that's why I'm unhappy. Mm-hmm. . 853 00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:48,360 I think sometimes it's why I keep getting in trouble. You know, my, 854 00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:52,800 my dominant is always mad at me and I think I'm telling a joke. 855 00:50:53,020 --> 00:50:55,880 I'm trying to make them laugh. Right. Or it's, 856 00:50:56,860 --> 00:51:00,840 I'm trying to be stern and serious. I keep using stern serious and s so stoic. 857 00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:02,800 'cause it's the only words I can think of. I know there are others. 858 00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:07,280 I keep trying to be this kind of dom sub, whatever mm-hmm. 859 00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,840 and I'm not having a good time. I'm not enjoying myself. Well, 860 00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:12,640 what is it that's missing? Right? Like, 861 00:51:12,820 --> 00:51:15,960 it doesn't have to be your playful goofball self. It could be something else, 862 00:51:16,300 --> 00:51:21,200 but I just Yeah. We all contain multitudes. True. 863 00:51:21,550 --> 00:51:22,160 True, true. 864 00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:27,120 True. My multitudes are attempting to juggle while standing on one foot failing 865 00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:29,200 miserably and laughing about it. . 866 00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:33,080 That's what my multitudes are trying to do. So 867 00:51:34,990 --> 00:51:38,760 yeah. I don't, I could I ramble on? I'm sure I could, 868 00:51:38,890 --> 00:51:42,280 could I repeat myself in five different ways? Absolutely. I already have. 869 00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:45,600 Absolutely. So , I, um, 870 00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:48,360 lemme double check my notes just to make sure I didn't, 871 00:51:48,390 --> 00:51:52,040 like there wasn't anything. No, we kind of did. Okay. 872 00:51:53,150 --> 00:51:55,440 Yeah, I think we, we touched on all the points. We touched on all the points. 873 00:51:55,460 --> 00:51:56,880 Is there anything that you would like to add? 874 00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:02,120 I, I don't think so. Not at this point. I mean, you know, it, if, if, 875 00:52:02,220 --> 00:52:06,360 if being goofy and silly is is something you enjoy and it works for you, 876 00:52:06,940 --> 00:52:11,360 you know, en enjoy it, go with it. Have, have the fun. You know. 877 00:52:11,900 --> 00:52:15,960 Um, I, I know for us right now, we are, um, 878 00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:20,360 probably a little bit more silly with each other than we, we have been mm-hmm. 879 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:25,280 , um, you know, the shit show of life, um, mm-hmm. 880 00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:30,040 . Um, it's been throwing some stuff at us even more lately and, 881 00:52:30,180 --> 00:52:33,400 you know, we, we try to laugh through it sometimes. 882 00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:36,520 It's all we got. Yeah. Either a dark joke, . 883 00:52:36,630 --> 00:52:37,420 Yeah. 884 00:52:37,420 --> 00:52:42,120 Or a ridiculous one. Mm-hmm. . And then sometimes we can't, like I, 885 00:52:42,300 --> 00:52:46,920 we, there are times that silly is just, it is not there. 886 00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,880 The playfulness is not there. Yeah. Um, but I, 887 00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:53,040 I know for me this is true and I think for you it's true too. 888 00:52:53,790 --> 00:52:57,320 What we want is to get back to the point where we can be silly and playful. 889 00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:59,480 Yeah. So what have we gotta do to do that? Mm-hmm. , 890 00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:03,880 do we have to go to our separate corner and like decompress and like sit with 891 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:05,800 our shit for a minute and then okay. Mm-hmm. , 892 00:53:05,940 --> 00:53:10,040 do we need to problem solve and get through this moment together? Right. Um, 893 00:53:10,470 --> 00:53:14,880 like what is it? But yeah, the yeah. Mm-hmm. Our playfulness to me, 894 00:53:15,110 --> 00:53:17,840 I'll say, I said it at the right top, it's the barometer of our relationship. 895 00:53:17,870 --> 00:53:18,703 Yeah. Yeah. 896 00:53:18,740 --> 00:53:19,573 Yep. Yep. 897 00:53:19,900 --> 00:53:22,480 So if you're ever like, wow, those two are being super serious. Yeah. 898 00:53:22,940 --> 00:53:24,160 Shit's rough. Okay. . 899 00:53:27,910 --> 00:53:30,320 Okay. Uh, yeah, I guess that's it then. That's. 900 00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:31,920 It. So, um, are we good? Uh. 901 00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:36,080 We'll do a bonus section and maybe we are, I don't know. Yeah. Okay. Okay. 902 00:53:37,150 --> 00:53:38,000 Keep it Ky kinky. 903 00:53:38,010 --> 00:53:39,240 Y'all and we'll see you next week. 904 00:53:49,330 --> 00:53:50,163 Daddy. 905 00:53:50,420 --> 00:53:51,220 Yes, baby girl. 906 00:53:51,220 --> 00:53:54,480 Before I belch into this microphone, , I'm trying. So I'm gonna do that. 907 00:53:54,720 --> 00:53:59,680 I know. Sexy. I know people will want me after that. And look, everything, 908 00:54:00,210 --> 00:54:02,640 everything and anything is somebody's kink. 909 00:54:02,740 --> 00:54:05,720 We just have to connect with the people who want to hear, who wanna hear. 910 00:54:05,720 --> 00:54:06,560 Hear that. Yeah. Belching. 911 00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:09,920 In the microphone. But I don't think it's most of the, the good people who. 912 00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:11,040 Probably not not can. 913 00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:14,640 Hear us right now. No. Um, but can I talk to the crickets. 914 00:54:15,740 --> 00:54:20,040 You have been talking for? Well, of, uh, 54 minutes. 915 00:54:22,180 --> 00:54:24,760 And really longer than that when he count YouTube. That's right. Yeah. I know, 916 00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:25,800 I know. I'm not, 917 00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:28,640 I don't know if I've been saying anything that makes any sense and I haven't 918 00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:31,120 remembered the things that I say every week. 919 00:54:31,380 --> 00:54:35,480 So what have I been saying with all this talking? Yeah. 920 00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:38,120 If I can't say the correct things. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . 921 00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:41,120 Mm-hmm. . So, but can I please, so thank you. 922 00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:43,560 . Yes, go ahead. . Thank. 923 00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:48,200 You. Um, I did, in fact, for half a second, 924 00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:52,040 remember the emoji of the week mm-hmm. , uh, it will be, 925 00:54:52,220 --> 00:54:53,800 and this will be completely subjective, 926 00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:58,600 whatever you think the silliest face emoji is, 927 00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:03,320 whichever one, whichever one to you is like, yeah, that's goofy, that's silly. 928 00:55:03,460 --> 00:55:05,440 That's all of that. 929 00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:06,710 . 930 00:55:06,710 --> 00:55:11,040 Whichever one just speaks to you because I can't say. 931 00:55:11,820 --> 00:55:12,960 That's true. Mm-hmm. 932 00:55:13,260 --> 00:55:17,960 If none of them speak to you, then hit us with your silliest emoji. 933 00:55:18,270 --> 00:55:23,000 Just in general. I don't care. I don't care. I'm open to it. I, uh. 934 00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:24,233 . 935 00:55:24,390 --> 00:55:28,040 Look, today I am just surviving on coffee and vibes. That's, 936 00:55:28,060 --> 00:55:31,440 and not even vibrators. Not even the good vibes. Like we just, yeah. 937 00:55:31,600 --> 00:55:35,640 . Even though I do have an email in my inbox going, oh, 938 00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:40,440 that product we sent you, have you tried it yet? I'm like, fuck no. No. 939 00:55:41,490 --> 00:55:44,760 Junie asks if, um, she can use silly goose, 940 00:55:44,780 --> 00:55:47,360 you can use whatever feels silly to you. Right. 941 00:55:47,450 --> 00:55:48,283 Junie. 942 00:55:48,580 --> 00:55:51,960 So yeah. , I, 943 00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:57,040 I thought I had some stuff I was gonna say for bonus section, but now I, 944 00:55:57,060 --> 00:56:01,160 my brain keeps glitching. Yeah. And I don't, again, is it the new medication, 945 00:56:01,260 --> 00:56:03,440 is it the, not taking the old medication? 946 00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:07,520 Is it life as we know it in 2023? 947 00:56:09,100 --> 00:56:11,640 Is it the fact that I haven't slept through the night? Well, 948 00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:15,900 I haven't really slept through the night in like probably a decade. Yeah. 949 00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:20,220 And really, I haven't slept through the night since before, uh, 950 00:56:20,790 --> 00:56:23,920 conceiving and growing children. . So 951 00:56:25,910 --> 00:56:28,280 when was the last time I slept through the night? 952 00:56:30,940 --> 00:56:31,773 Um. 953 00:56:33,430 --> 00:56:35,880 Yeah. I don't know. No memory of it at this point. 954 00:56:35,980 --> 00:56:37,440 No one even. Yeah. I'm not, no. 955 00:56:37,660 --> 00:56:39,160 So what's going on? Um, 956 00:56:39,980 --> 00:56:43,480 we were mentioning this to YouTube folks at the top, uh, 957 00:56:43,500 --> 00:56:48,120 we did order a new light Yes. Uh, for recording. 958 00:56:48,460 --> 00:56:51,400 Uh, that should be here on Sunday. Mm-hmm. . So by next week, 959 00:56:51,550 --> 00:56:55,200 next Wednesday, um, we will see how it does. Um, 960 00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:57,880 I did check 30 day return. So if it sucks. 961 00:56:58,050 --> 00:56:59,760 We'll send the fuck back. Good. Good. All right. 962 00:57:00,100 --> 00:57:00,933 Um, 963 00:57:01,240 --> 00:57:06,160 I am doing what I should have done years ago and continuing to combat 964 00:57:06,790 --> 00:57:10,080 poor posture and ergonomics. Yes. Yes. Uh, 965 00:57:10,690 --> 00:57:12,680 which has caused neck stuff for me, 966 00:57:12,730 --> 00:57:15,600 which is now trickling down to affect my hands. 967 00:57:15,850 --> 00:57:19,720 Which is a problem when you work on a fucking keyboard all day. . Yeah. 968 00:57:20,140 --> 00:57:24,960 So I've adjusted my desk. I have my monitor up on a stand, 969 00:57:25,060 --> 00:57:27,120 so I have to like, hold my neck better. 970 00:57:27,620 --> 00:57:31,080 I'm using one of those stupid ergonomic mouse pads with the wrist thing. 971 00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:32,280 I fucking hate those things, 972 00:57:32,340 --> 00:57:35,800 but I know I do draw the line in an ergonomic keyboard. 973 00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:39,640 I tried to use one of those years ago and couldn't type for shit. 974 00:57:39,980 --> 00:57:41,600 I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. 975 00:57:42,420 --> 00:57:46,800 And the proper height for my chair for me to see comfortably 976 00:57:47,860 --> 00:57:51,800 is not good for my legs to sit. What is that? Perpendicular? It's parallel. 977 00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:56,320 Parallel. Whoop. Sorry. Parallel. So we've ordered and it's on its way. 978 00:57:56,320 --> 00:57:57,480 I think it'll arrive in the next couple days, 979 00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:01,200 a foot thing under my desk so I can get my legs up. 980 00:58:02,900 --> 00:58:07,880 But I still need to buy compression fingerless compression gloves that 981 00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:09,080 the doctor told me to try. 982 00:58:09,300 --> 00:58:11,880 But when I went to try and figure out which one of those to get, 983 00:58:12,160 --> 00:58:16,120 I got lost on analysis paralysis. 'cause there's too many fucking options. 984 00:58:16,290 --> 00:58:19,840 We're, we're gonna try and look at that tonight after we do our shopping. Okay. 985 00:58:21,590 --> 00:58:22,423 Okay. Yep. 986 00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:27,880 I just, I think I just need you to decide for me. Yeah. 987 00:58:27,940 --> 00:58:32,400 And not an ugly color there, there, that's all I say. Okay. Just I. 988 00:58:32,580 --> 00:58:33,760 Can do that and I will do that. 989 00:58:33,940 --> 00:58:38,920 My cheap ass wants to go with a $10 pair because I'm a cheap ass, which is fine. 990 00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:42,680 I, I need to be. But then my brain goes, but wait, 991 00:58:42,790 --> 00:58:46,920 what if if you just spend a few dollars more, you'd get better quality. 992 00:58:47,300 --> 00:58:48,920 And then I have to look at the pictures and be like, 993 00:58:49,260 --> 00:58:53,320 do I want the finger things to like be really short? 994 00:58:53,540 --> 00:58:55,000 So most of my fingertips are, 995 00:58:55,060 --> 00:58:58,960 or do I want 'em to be kind of high and then which size and what do you mean? 996 00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:01,320 I have to measure my palm. I'm done. I can't do it. 997 00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:05,440 . I can't do it. I can't. 998 00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:06,720 Do it. But I have to do something. 999 00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:11,880 'cause my hands are like constantly bothering me and it is not arthritis. 1000 00:59:12,180 --> 00:59:15,440 I'm sure I have some of that I'm probably going to develop over time, 1001 00:59:15,820 --> 00:59:19,520 but that's not what it is. It's neck and nerves and Right. 1002 00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:22,560 Probably carpal tunnel. But not just carpal tunnel 1003 00:59:24,100 --> 00:59:25,360 is delightful. 1004 00:59:25,910 --> 00:59:27,680 It's not any one thing. Yeah. It's. 1005 00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:30,480 Not. It's not. So I have to do like all of the things. 1006 00:59:31,930 --> 00:59:32,763 Mm-hmm. . 1007 00:59:33,290 --> 00:59:34,350 To like adjust. 1008 00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:38,310 Which is funny because when I was still working off of my laptop and I didn't 1009 00:59:38,310 --> 00:59:42,550 have like an actual Mac, um, we had the thing, 1010 00:59:42,570 --> 00:59:46,350 the riser and I had it all set up. And then once I got the Mac, I was like, ah. 1011 00:59:47,130 --> 00:59:48,950 The heck with that. I don't need any of it. Yeah. 1012 00:59:49,010 --> 00:59:50,270 And now my neck's like, ah. 1013 00:59:51,070 --> 00:59:51,903 . 1014 00:59:53,090 --> 00:59:56,310 So yeah. So yeah. That's, that's what I've been knowing what you've been doing. 1015 00:59:58,330 --> 00:59:59,950 Um, it's tough. It's. 1016 00:59:59,950 --> 01:00:04,630 Getting stressed out. Yeah. By life. Yep. 'cause life is fucking you. Mm-hmm. 1017 01:00:04,670 --> 01:00:06,790 without any lube. Right. I know. 1018 01:00:07,500 --> 01:00:11,790 Well, you know, I, I thought I had a solution to a problem. Mm-hmm. 1019 01:00:11,830 --> 01:00:12,330 . 1020 01:00:12,330 --> 01:00:13,830 And technically it is problem. 1021 01:00:13,830 --> 01:00:17,390 It's a solution problem. It's still a solution to the problem, you know? And, 1022 01:00:17,450 --> 01:00:18,170 and, and it, 1023 01:00:18,170 --> 01:00:22,150 and the solution to the problem would help us with our financial problem. 1024 01:00:22,530 --> 01:00:24,750 It would help, yeah. It would help with your mental health. Yeah. 1025 01:00:25,010 --> 01:00:27,950 It would help with the family dynamic situation, right? 1026 01:00:27,970 --> 01:00:29,510 Mm-hmm. . But the. 1027 01:00:30,420 --> 01:00:30,870 Cost of. 1028 01:00:30,870 --> 01:00:32,030 It, cost of it puts. 1029 01:00:32,030 --> 01:00:32,660 It out of reach. 1030 01:00:32,660 --> 01:00:33,493 Puts it outta reach. 1031 01:00:34,090 --> 01:00:38,550 So we have to, like, we were handed the solution, like, here, here, 1032 01:00:38,550 --> 01:00:40,070 here's a viable option. 1033 01:00:40,070 --> 01:00:41,270 Here, here's a viable option. 1034 01:00:41,460 --> 01:00:42,590 This could happen for you. 1035 01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:45,190 Right. This no, not could. It would. 1036 01:00:45,190 --> 01:00:49,310 Well, it would, well could as in if if you can't afford it, you can have. 1037 01:00:49,310 --> 01:00:51,030 It if, if Yeah. If you can afford it. So. 1038 01:00:51,030 --> 01:00:54,030 Now we have to backtrack and go, okay, how do we deal with this disappointment, 1039 01:00:54,310 --> 01:00:56,350 . Yeah. Or how do we get super creative? 1040 01:00:56,760 --> 01:00:57,593 Right. 1041 01:00:57,850 --> 01:00:59,030 And, uh, so Yeah. 1042 01:00:59,810 --> 01:01:00,643 Yep. 1043 01:01:00,650 --> 01:01:03,270 So, and I know that's super, super vague. It's fine. Mm-hmm. 1044 01:01:03,310 --> 01:01:04,390 like it's, it's gonna stay vague. 1045 01:01:04,490 --> 01:01:08,270 It, it's gonna stay vague, but, um, you know, it, it is what it is. Uh, 1046 01:01:08,270 --> 01:01:12,350 but that's kind of the reason for my being a little subdued and yeah. 1047 01:01:12,810 --> 01:01:15,990 Myself today mm-hmm. mm-hmm. , you know mm-hmm. 1048 01:01:16,030 --> 01:01:20,510 . Um, yeah. You know, it's when you think you've finally reached a. 1049 01:01:21,450 --> 01:01:22,710 An option, you're like, here. 1050 01:01:22,730 --> 01:01:23,170 An option that. 1051 01:01:23,170 --> 01:01:23,590 Here's. 1052 01:01:23,590 --> 01:01:27,870 An option that can work, that will work and, and will solve several problems. 1053 01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:28,510 Solve. 1054 01:01:28,510 --> 01:01:29,670 Problems. Who wants. 1055 01:01:29,670 --> 01:01:30,750 To solve problems, problems. 1056 01:01:31,050 --> 01:01:31,883 In 2023? 1057 01:01:32,260 --> 01:01:32,950 Clearly not. 1058 01:01:32,950 --> 01:01:33,660 Us. 1059 01:01:33,660 --> 01:01:35,910 Then you get the rug pulled out from under you. Right. 1060 01:01:36,100 --> 01:01:40,190 Yeah. I mean, I am that type of person who's like, eh, 1061 01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:43,310 let's get really creative with our problem solving and, 1062 01:01:43,530 --> 01:01:47,230 and do shit that we would never normally do. Yeah. But 1063 01:01:49,290 --> 01:01:52,710 that's, that still requires conversation and thought and Yeah. Yeah. So. 1064 01:01:55,010 --> 01:01:55,843 Anyway. 1065 01:01:55,950 --> 01:01:59,590 I just keep telling myself that life ebbs and flows mm-hmm. 1066 01:01:59,630 --> 01:02:01,790 and we're just in a really long ass eeb. Yeah. 1067 01:02:01,790 --> 01:02:04,710 Just a really long ass ebb. It will flow. Once again. 1068 01:02:04,710 --> 01:02:06,070 I'm, I'm ready, I'm ready for some flow. 1069 01:02:07,070 --> 01:02:07,903 I mean saying. 1070 01:02:08,510 --> 01:02:09,343 . 1071 01:02:09,930 --> 01:02:10,510 But you know what, 1072 01:02:10,510 --> 01:02:13,470 we're still being goofballs through it all to the best of our ability. We are, 1073 01:02:13,470 --> 01:02:17,150 we are. And, and I think we talk about this probably every fall. 1074 01:02:17,390 --> 01:02:22,120 'cause this is one that happens for us. I'm back to being your shop elf, um, 1075 01:02:22,940 --> 01:02:24,720 in a bigger way. You are. 1076 01:02:25,100 --> 01:02:28,040 We think it will become a permanent thing after the holidays though. Yeah. 1077 01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,240 Normally it's like through the holidays, I'm shop Elf, 1078 01:02:30,340 --> 01:02:31,960 I'm doing little things here and there. Mm-hmm. 1079 01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:34,720 and with where we're at with the kry, the kry.com, 1080 01:02:34,820 --> 01:02:38,760 if you did not know , um, yeah. 1081 01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:42,600 I think after the holidays I'll still be your your main shop elf. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 1082 01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:44,360 , I'm gonna get to learn new skills. 1083 01:02:44,660 --> 01:02:48,960 You are none that involve anything that could cut anything. No, not allowed. 1084 01:02:49,220 --> 01:02:50,640 Not allowed. He was, um, 1085 01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:54,040 cutting carbon fiber rod for evil sticks and diabolical sticks the other day. 1086 01:02:54,740 --> 01:02:58,360 And you use a Dremel tool for that? Yeah. And I go, oh, 1087 01:02:58,380 --> 01:03:01,400 is that something I could do? Or is that too blade like? 1088 01:03:01,420 --> 01:03:06,280 And you held up the fingers. I chuckled. Right. . No, no, no. 1089 01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:09,840 You can't do this. You'll be missing fingers by the time you're done. Okay. 1090 01:03:09,940 --> 01:03:14,560 I'm good. Um, but we did, we milled a bunch of wood Yep. 1091 01:03:14,670 --> 01:03:17,120 Yesterday and we both sitting over there on the . Yeah. 1092 01:03:17,120 --> 01:03:20,720 We both gave ourselves minor injuries. I have a scratch. Yeah. And you know, 1093 01:03:20,800 --> 01:03:22,560 I think you have a couple of scratches too. Mm-hmm. , 1094 01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:27,120 I thought I got some, um, splinters in my hands. I was like, no, not splinters. 1095 01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:28,360 I did not have splinters in my hand. No. 1096 01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:30,640 I just poked myself real hard with wood . Uh, 1097 01:03:33,500 --> 01:03:36,440 um, but yeah, so that's mm-hmm. , 1098 01:03:38,370 --> 01:03:42,280 we're doing what we always do. We're just working. Yep. And probably being. 1099 01:03:42,670 --> 01:03:43,960 Keeping on, keeping on. 1100 01:03:44,370 --> 01:03:47,040 Silly goofballs while we do it. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . 1101 01:03:47,740 --> 01:03:48,720 Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm. . 1102 01:03:49,700 --> 01:03:50,533 So. 1103 01:03:51,140 --> 01:03:54,000 So anyhow, I. 1104 01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:58,440 Think I don't, yeah. I don't have anything else. Yeah. If , I, 1105 01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:01,240 I could say more things, 1106 01:04:01,340 --> 01:04:06,000 but then I think I would just stress both out more. So we won't just. 1107 01:04:06,130 --> 01:04:07,200 Let's not go there. Let's. 1108 01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:12,000 Not go. No. Let's just, no, let's end on a good note. Yes. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. 1109 01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:15,760 We'll just do that. Mm-hmm. . Um, so thanks for watching. Mm-hmm. 1110 01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:18,160 Listening. Mm-hmm. , thanks for joining us being to the bitter end. 1111 01:04:18,620 --> 01:04:21,520 Um, this one was not chaotic, 1112 01:04:21,700 --> 01:04:26,080 but glitchier than past episodes. Yeah. Like, forgot whole chunks of things. 1113 01:04:27,590 --> 01:04:30,800 Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. So. 1114 01:04:31,460 --> 01:04:33,280 All we can do is strive to do better next time. 1115 01:04:34,830 --> 01:04:39,560 Sure. We'll, we'll go . We'll try. try. We're gonna go. Yeah. 1116 01:04:39,940 --> 01:04:42,520 Uh, we'll see y'all next week. Mm-hmm. . Bye. Bye.