You are listening to the Loving B D S M podcast, episode 360 6. Okay.
The Lord's here with the one, the only,
the you always look really good after you cut your hair. John Brownstone.
Thank you. Sorry to podcast listeners who can't see you, ,
but I can see you and you look divine.
Oh, haircut and beard trim. Yep. Yep.
Velcro head now. Yeah. So things get stuck on it. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm.
. And your beard's a little short, but, you know, hair grows.
And I'll be happy when it's longer. .
.
Because it's all about making me happy.
Oh, is that what it is?
No, but I like to pretend. Okay. Yeah. .
How can it not be all about making your baby girl happy? You're a daddy dom.
You're supposed to be a nurturer, a caregiver.
But then I have to feed that sadist in. Me too. You know? Well.
You get, you get your rocks off as a sadist in other ways.
just.
I'm just saying. I'm just saying.
Carry on. Girl.
. This week we're not talking about any of that .
We're actually talking about something we've mentioned in many, many,
many past episodes, usually kind of in passing. Uh,
and we're gonna focus on it this week.
And that is the importance of trying to talk in advance
about common and known potential stressful situations before they happen.
So you can kind of figure out how you'll handle them and still navigate your
power exchange and maybe not get into an unnecessary fight.
Ask us how we know about unnecessary arguments, ,
because we were both stressed .
So that's what we are talking about this week.
Welcome to the Living B D S M podcast. This is your first time listening.
Glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back.
Loving B D S M is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in education.
And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net.
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Y'all on Instagram and technically threads at that handle.
I will Forever fucking Hate Loving dss. And the number one,
so it's at Loving DS one, or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm,
where you can watch us live. Stream the podcast every Wednesday.
All links are in the show notes.
And now that the magic button has been hit, I have got to turn that fan on.
You're gonna hit another magic button. Yeah, but not the magic button,
because that would not be appropriate for either the podcast or the YouTube
channel. . Um, yeah. Also, I, before you try and touch the magic button,
I need to have my medication adjusted.
So I actually want the magic button to be touched again, , like,
I want to want to mm-hmm. . It's frustrating 'cause I'm like,
but no, look at him. He's being all like cute and sweet and sexy and like daddy.
Like, and not even a sadist. And also the other part of me is like,
but he's gotta stop. So , we're gonna,
we're gonna work on that 7:15 AM doctor's appointment on Thursday to work on
that. Okay. That has nothing to do with this week except episode. Wow.
It's just, it's on my mind. It's on my mind. Wow. Okay.
So before we get into this week's episode, um,
announcement ish, we've sponsored ourselves, again,
it's not really a sponsorship when you yourself own the business. Uh,
we did share these and show these off, um,
on the Friday night live stream. What was that? The 15th, September 15th, um,
for the Kry, we have, uh,
made seasonal diabolical sticks. If you're like,
what the fuck is a diabolical stick? It's, uh,
a stick that really fucking hurts and is worse than an evil stick. Um,
our diabolical sticks have resin, um,
tips on the end, so that what you're getting hit with is a hard piece of resin.
Um,
and we made Halloween ones and we've actually sold probably half or a little
bit over half, and it's a limited quantity. So it's like,
if you want to be hit or hit your partner consensually
with something very hard and painful, uh, and you want it to,
to be spooky themed and seasonal, and, you know, halloweeny, uh,
get thee to the kry .
Get, get 'em while they're hot.
Um, we did on our social media, there's a,
a video we did doing a demo. Um, you demoed the four main styles on my forearm.
'cause that's what was safe for social media. Uh,
the marks lasted for three days, and I still have, um, we did that on Saturday.
This is Wednesday. I actually have a small bruise left over .
I think the bruise came from you overlapped in one spot,
the skull and the ghost. Yes.
And that the two together was hard enough to make a bruise.
The tombstone let almost broke my skin, which was like,
never our plan. 'cause we don't really play with that. Mm-hmm. .
But, and then there were,
the design of the tombstone had a bunch of lines and you could see each line,
each line on my forearm. It.
Was a wonderful thing.
Yeah. It's, it's very painful. . Um,
we don't actually play with them in our scenes 'cause that's a hard no for me.
But I will demo them because, you know, I, I am that kind of masochist.
Um, I'm a MAs living in a capitalistic society. Okay. .
If we make it, I wanna sell it, so. Sure. Um, so yeah, if, uh,
you like to be hit or to hit others consensually with very painful things,
and you wanna make that Halloween, uh, the link is in the places,
or you can just go to the kry.com.
There's literally right at the top of the page, like a picture.
Just tap on that. So yeah, we air quote, sponsored ourselves.
Um, so let's actually get into, uh, this week's episode.
Um, and it is inspired once again by therapy,
Jeff, I really should actually follow him,
but my personal Instagram account got, uh, booted. Yeah.
And so I haven't created a new personal Instagram account because,
so I'm lurking on all of my brand accounts, ,
uh, and therapy. Jeff is back in, in my algorithmic feed. Um,
I've linked to the reel that caught my attention in the show notes and, uh,
in the description box, uh, for YouTube. Um, and he did a,
a video of 11 stressful scenarios and situations. He was like,
go ahead and talk to your partner about these now before you're in them so you
can kind of discuss how you wanna navigate them. And I went, Ooh,
some of these are absolutely things we've gone through, , , uh,
and I don't know that we've ever formally discussed them. Huh.
And then I thought about kink and power exchange specific scenarios mm-hmm.
. And I was like, Ooh, we should talk about those too.
So that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna go over,
we took inspiration from his reel. Some of the, um, scenarios he suggested,
we added some kink ones. We are going to model the conversation.
This is not meant for anybody to go, yes,
we should do it like Kayla and jb mm-hmm. ,
you should do it the way that works for you. Um,
and probably to think of relationship specific
scenarios that aren't on this list. 'cause there are so many there. I mean,
I probably could have spent five minutes and come up with another 20.
I didn't wanna do an episode on that many though. Excuse me. Um,
are you checking on your dog? Oh, she's going outside. Sorry.
JB has left the microphone podcast listeners.
I know you can't see that because that Gruy sound in the background was Lola and
wasn't at the door. She was at my feet, but she was talking to us.
So, um, anybody already in a long-term relationship,
you have probably faced most of the common stressful
situations. Um, and you've probably already figured out how to,
to handle each other when you can see those on the horizon or you're in the
thick of it.
I do think this is still beneficial for long-term relationships because a couple
of these things we have gone through,
we have navigated them sometimes well, and sometimes not so well,
and have never had an,
a formal conversation about how we would ideally like to navigate these things,
especially within the context of our power exchange. So, you know,
I think this is one that's great for new power exchange relationships,
but also long-term folk. Oh yeah.
If you keep finding yourself in the middle of a battle and you resolve
it, great. That's wonderful. But it ke Yeah. Yeah. Um,
so we're gonna start going through these,
and this is just our thoughts on how we would like to navigate these things.
And it may not be how we've actually navigated them in the past, .
So, okay. The first one, stressful situation number one. Yeah.
How would you, like,
how would we like to handle when we individually are around a family member who
upsets us, stresses us is a trigger for us because of childhood stuff.
Um, how, how, from, from your perspective, uh,
JB how would you like me to be for you? Show up for you?
Well, um, we actually went through this.
We go through this a lot. . I.
Go through this a lot lately. Um, and,
and at one point I actually did, um,
say to you on, on the way there
to where we were gonna be spending a day with one such said family member
mm-hmm. . And, um, I, I told you, I said, uh,
baby girl is my submissive. I need, I'm giving you a task
and you know how this person pushes my buttons
and can get me wound up from zero to 60 and mm-hmm.
0.2 seconds mm-hmm. . And, um,
if you see me getting wound up and, and getting,
starting to dig my heels in and, and be unreasonable,
I need you to step in and say, Hey, time out. Mm-hmm. .
And I knowing that you can have the best intentions,
and he could give me that permission while things are calm.
And then in the moment when everything is heated and blood pressure is up
mm-hmm. , I could do that and he could reject that,
or he might not like the way I did it. So my counter to that was . Okay.
But if I have to get a little pushy or a little forceful,
or you don't like what I say in the moment, will you accept what I say?
And we can discuss it later. If something didn't quite go to plan,
like if I'm truly in your face going, whoa, whoa, whoa. Right. Time out,
back off , are you gonna accept that? Right.
Because as the submissive in the relationship Yes.
We have what we call the tough love clause. If you're new here,
it's way back in the archive. Mm-hmm. ,
like while episodes were still two digits kind of in the archive.
And that's usually used for illness. Correct. Mental or physical. Yeah. Like,
if you're not taking care of yourself, I step in and go, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is what needs to happen. Mm-hmm. . Um, but this was a,
a familial situation where I'm not really part of that, that at all.
Um, I'm, and I'm looked at by your family members as an outsider, um, yeah.
.
And so what I didn't want to have happen was to follow your directive
and do what you told me to do, but then in the heat of the moment,
have it thrown back at me. And now we are in an argument.
So I did ask for clarification. Um,
and I did kind of use it because you did.
It's one of the few times I'm not objective because you are my priority.
You are the one I love,
but I'm a little bit more objective than somebody who would've known both of you
for let's say 20 years. Yeah.
Because I can kind of see things about some of your family members that you just
can't, you're in the thick of it.
And so I watched your hackles go up and your blood
pressure,
And I felt like I could kind of understand where the family member was coming
from. And I was like, O okay. He gave me permission. I swooped in.
And I like negotiated that so that you felt heard,
she felt heard, and then there was kind of a solution at the end. Yeah.
So it did work out, um, from my go ahead.
I mean, on, on another aspect of that too was, um,
a trip I had taken back in August. Uh, and,
and what helped me there to relieve a lot
of the stress was being able to call you mm-hmm. , you know, and,
and text you to be able to vent Yeah. And, and, and get things off, you know,
some things off and mm-hmm. and, and out. Um,
rather than just let them kind of sit there and, and,
and fester and, and build.
Yeah. And there's also that fine line.
I will always have your back be in your corner. First and foremost,
I have mm-hmm. not great opinions about your family in general,
which.
Okay. Neither do I.
Right. Which I like. We, we are in a situation,
I have the freedom to feel that way. You do not get upset on their behalf.
You don't have the feeling like only you get to dislike mm-hmm. .
I, I watch myself. I'm not gonna bad mouth anybody,
but I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything . So, you know,
in a way it's easy for you to call and vent and me
to go, yeah, you're right. That fucking sucks. But I've also had to learn,
'cause my analytical brain likes to make sense of shit and, you know mm-hmm.
20 years ago, I spent two years focused on psychology.
So I think I know something and I like to like figure that stuff out.
And I've had to learn over the years.
That's most of the time is actually not the right time to dissect your family
psychologically to you. Yeah. , what you need is for me to go, yeah.
They fucking suck for that shit. And just to let you vent .
And if it ever seems a like the right time to talk about that other part,
then we can Yeah. Yeah. But yeah.
Yeah. One, once, once you know,
you're away from the situation and not having to be in the thick of things,
you know, then, then it's okay to.
Kind of Exactly. And I will never be the one who goes, well,
you should be over this by now, or,
I can't believe you're still hanging onto this. Or, why are you still, like,
however he feels he gets to feel for as long as he needs to feel it.
I am the one going,
I think this is something to talk about with your therapist at your next
session, . But I don't, I'm not,
I I don't try to like, push you to like get over it faster or, you know,
even if can see the other family member's side, and sometimes I can.
True.
You being upset in the moment is never the time for me to go by the way.
Uh, that is for another time. And I think that's another way we've,
we've navigated it from my perspective. Um, I have like this teeny tiny,
itty bitty little family. If I did not give birth to or marry people there,
it'd be three of us. Um, and they don't really stress me out. Like,
I have one family member that every once in a while will stress me out. Um,
but not to the extent that I'm ranting or raving or like pissed off about
anything. It's more of a sigh and an eye roll and then we move on.
So I don't have anything that I,
I think if you just do for me what I do for you, we'll be.
Fine. Yeah. I mean, I, I, I think the biggest thing we had with,
with your family, uh, going back a few years ago was when we,
the evil stepdad, when when we used to go to visit and Yeah. Yeah. And,
you know, we kind of had to discuss how we were going to, um,
maintain our DSS on the down low.
Yeah. And that's more of a we're in a vanilla situation. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah.
But like the evil stepdad could absolutely get me get,
get my blood pressure up and get me like just ranting, loved,
he was a but button pusher from way back.
I don't count that as we have to navigate. Like, here's,
let me tell you how to navigate that. 'cause we don't navigate at that anymore.
And his, um, IER is, uh, directed at both of us. Yeah.
So we're in it together. So it's like me mm-hmm. ,
he's now a non-entity to me. Me, uh,
and the family members I do like come to my house, so it's fine. Yeah.
That's true. So , I don't have, I mean,
do for me what I do for you and we'll be fine. Yeah. So here's the next one.
And this one's deeply.
Personal. I, I, yeah. I saw that. I, I read ahead and I saw that one. I was.
Like, oh,
my stressful situation that anybody who has to earn money in a capitalist
society,
will feel the stress of being overwhelmed by your job
or just your career choice profession. Like,
we work for ourselves so we don't Yeah. You know, it is and isn't the same,
so mm-hmm. , how would you like to navigate that kind of stress?
Oh.
Within our power.
Exchange, especially, what do you need from me?
Um, I, I think sometimes, and I'm,
I'm trying to do better at this,
my biggest stress with, with everything is that I do,
um, at certain points become overwhelmed. Mm.
Mm-hmm. . Yes, you do.
I, um, there, there's so much going on trying to keep things stuck,
keep up with, with, with, um, you know, inlay orders,
keeping, you know, custom orders, this, that, and
it, it can become overwhelming for me.
And
I have a history of holding that overwhelm in.
Until you explode.
Right? Mm-hmm. .
Mm-hmm. . Right. I know ,
I usually get your explosion all over me. It's sticky. I know .
I know.
.
And, and I, I am really trying to do better
at just letting you know, it's like, you know, hey,
I'm in a space where I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now.
I know. And I appreciate that.
I'm trying to do better at not immediately trying to fix it for you,
because it's easy to have all the answers when it's not your overwhelm. Yeah.
And I know that on the rare occasion, you've, I don't think it's intentional.
You've,
but you've given me a little bit of my own back when I've been overwhelmed.
I'm like, this is not fucking helpful. You're just overwhelming me more. Right.
And I do try to remember that in.
A moment. And, and, and sometimes
more times than not just telling you mm-hmm. that I'm overwhelmed.
Mm-hmm. helps relieve a lot of the overwhelm. Right.
'Cause you're not holding onto it by yourself. Right.
You're not carrying it by yourself. And sometimes it, I enjoy,
I don't enjoy it, but I I appreciate the, the whatever of it you'll say,
oh my God, I'm so overwhelmed. And I'm like, yeah, me too.
And we realize, especially 'cause we own our own business mm-hmm. .
So that's unique to, I have a job outside of the home versus whatever,
but once you will say you're overwhelmed,
it's way easier for me to say that I'm overwhelmed.
And then when we're in the right head space,
and I would prefer we do this always,
sometimes we'll just sit and talk about it together,
either to bitch and vent or to strategize mm-hmm. .
But it's sort of the reminder that, oh, wait, I feel that way too. You know?
Yeah. Um, maybe for different reasons in our line of work,
it's always for the same reason. We are overwhelmed.
The the core reason is the same. Yeah. Um,
but getting to just share that with you mm-hmm.
and there not be judgment and there not be, well,
let me tell you how to fix it. Or Right. Here's why you shouldn't feel that way.
Like, that ne that does not come out of our mouths. Mm-hmm. ,
especially when it comes to this. Um,
and then just working through it together,
even if what we have is just a bitch session,
like just 15 minutes of just complaining mm-hmm. , um, the,
the being reminded we're in it together.
Correct it instead of me carrying my overwhelm and you carrying your
overwhelm and it crashing us.
We're carrying it together and it feels more bearable.
So, yeah. I'm with you. Um,
I don't know if this is the baby girl in me, .
This thing.
I
usually crave when I'm in stress over work stuff.
It's two things.
A diet Coke, , .
Three things.
validation of feeling seen. Right. Because part of it,
from my perspective, both as a service of, and somebody who's just a,
a woman in today's society, um,
I don't always feel like the amount of work I take on and the things I take
on are seen at the same level because ,
'cause you and I have had these arguments where I end up going, well, yes,
I am also stressed about work too. You are not alone. However, are you also,
and then I do my laundry list of the other things I take on. Yeah.
Because at that point I've,
I've tried to like repress my overwhelm and my resentment,
and then it just, it comes out.
So what helps me is when you validate and go, you're right.
You do a lot, you do a lot around here. I'd be overwhelmed too. And, and I,
I want it to be genuine. And the, the times you've said it, it has been genuine,
you'll say things like, I don't know how you do it.
I don't know that I could do it. Mm-hmm.
feeling seen in those moments and having the weight that I carry
acknowledged, whew. That could be a kink of mine. like,
yes, please. And thank you . Um,
when I get little treats, with not the kind where I'm like, daddy,
will you bring me a treat home? But like, I'm, we are not even talking about it.
I'm just focused. And then you walk in in the door and you're like, here,
I thought of you. I knew this would make you happy. Like,
I thought of you and I knew this would make you happy, wonderful.
In any scenario,
but a high stress thing where you know that I'm barely stopping for lunch.
I'm going from one thing to the next.
I'm navigating how I'm supposed to get all this work done and working on all
these ideas that we've mutually agreed I'm gonna do mm-hmm.
and get a kid to a doctor's appointment and back and, and, and,
and, you know, we've talked about it.
There are certain things I could hand off, but we're be,
we're doing what we're best suited to. So it's like,
I'm actually best suited to do these things.
I wanna continue to do these things.
I just need a way to release the pressure. Mm-hmm.
every once in a while. And I am a big old baby girl.
You bring me a Diet Coke, coffee,
a something you do a little happy for me. Like that I wasn't thinking about,
wasn't expecting mm-hmm. , whatever, you know, I just,
I feel seen and I think that's what I need when I,
from a professional standpoint,
because so much of it also overlaps family standpoint. Mm-hmm.
when I, when what I do is acknowledge man, I am whew.
I'm good. And I, I I think that's, that's a very good point because
we, you know, in our own ways,
we each get wrapped up so much in what we're doing. Mm-hmm. ,
it's easy to overlook what the other person is doing. Oh.
Yeah. Especially once you're bogged down and you're stressed out and you're like
Right. Head down and Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's easy.
And I know this happens to me, it's easy to think, well,
I'm the only one doing a whole bunch. I'm the only one feeling this way.
I'm the only one going through it. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. .
And it goes back to when we, um,
talk about it and then can strategize together. It's a weight off.
Yeah. The feeling seen part is that too. Mm-hmm. . Okay.
This is when we've definitely gone through multiple times Yep.
And have never actually worked it out prior. those times when you're.
And, and, and see, I, I always kind of thought we had.
We never like purposely sat down mm-hmm. , we sometimes,
sometimes it sneaks up on us. And we hadn't even said what it is yet. .
Um, and we navigate with our, through our relationship, fine. But we,
it's not been a strategy, it's just a thing that worked out well. Yeah.
And that's when one of us is in pain, sick, feeling bad,
whether that's physically or mentally. Um,
and that kind of stressful situation where we're not at our best 'cause we don't
feel our like mm-hmm. .
We're not.
A peak. Anything. Um,
how would you like that stressful situation to be navigated?
Um, you know, to, to a certain extent. Um,
you know, there, there, like when you had your surgery, I mean,
we put things in place, you know? Yes.
Knowing that you were gonna be down for X amount of time. Mm-hmm. ,
you're gonna be very limited on the things that you could do. Mm-hmm.
, all right. Mm-hmm.
, that was one we could plan for. Right. And that was nice.
I liked that. Yeah.
And, and that was, that was very nice. Um, you know, we,
we did plan for it. Our plan
executed fairly well mm-hmm. .
Mm-hmm. .
Um, you know, so in, in that instance, I,
I think those things like that, we, and that's why I say to some extent,
I think we've kind of worked.
We do it well, but we there, that's the one offer we could plan for it. Yeah.
What about your motorcycle accident? Yeah. When your back went out? Um,
anytime I've had a migraine, the migraine one. Mm-hmm. ,
we had to do trial by fire because I don't tell you it took me years to go,
I have a fucking migraine. I can't even open my eyes. Right.
I would just try to power through 'cause that's what I'd done for years. Mm-hmm.
. But I was snapping and I was cranky,
and I wasn't my best submissive self. And you're like,
what the fuck is going on here?
Right. And then when I, and finally.
I go, my god, my head hurts.
And then when I finally did find out what it was, I was like, okay,
you need to go lay down. Right. And.
I'll take care of this. And Right.
Part of that was from years of just not having anybody who would pick up my
slack or could mm-hmm. or that I trusted to do it.
Part of it is just, you know, whatever the, the hurt, the pain,
the discomfort is when you, at that time, I mean,
headaches have been a part of my life since I was a little kid. Yeah.
Once it becomes air, quote normal mm-hmm. , you just like,
if you can, 'cause sometimes you physically am, if you can,
you just get the fuck on with it. Like, you.
Just got shit to do. The, the the worst thing in, in, in our relationship,
in our dynamic that we have when one of us gets, you know,
gets suddenly sick. I mean, thankfully for you, um, you know,
your surgery at that time was planned right.
And it went well. No hiccups or.
Anything. Um, you are a fairly healthy individual. Thank, thank you. Right.
Knock on.
Wood. Um, you know, that's, you don't, good luck. You don't, you don't get like,
you know, very sick very often. Um,
you know, so for you it's usually been, you know,
a day or two you have a migraine, you know, the next day you kind of have the,
the fog. Yeah. And.
The hardest part is me just admitting that I don't feel good and like,
just sitting still, you.
Know, as, as far as, um, you know, dealing with the household things,
I, I can very easily step in. Right. Because, and I, and I do, you know,
I make sure the boys are fed, I'm fed, we're fed, whatever.
'Cause our power exchange has never,
we did not fit our relationship power exchange or otherwise along stereotypical
societal views of what a man does, what a woman does. Mm-hmm. .
So you are a full partner in this. Really. I want to do certain things myself.
Thank you very much. Um, but yeah, so the thing is,
is that's us jumping in. Yeah.
What is the thing you need when we're in that situation and we couldn't plan for
it. Yeah. That's the thing.
I, and I was getting to that , and I,
I think the hardest part of that then circles back around
to what we do for work.
Mm.
Mm-hmm. , okay. Mm-hmm. , because we both know
I cannot step in and do the things that you do.
Right. And I can't do what you do.
and you can't step in and, and do what I,
when I do when I'm down for the count. Mm-hmm. , um, you know, I,
I don't know about you. I I know for me, with, with the accident,
it was tough because, you know, I,
I had to sit there mm-hmm. , I,
I could not do anything until I healed. Mm-hmm. ,
same thing with when my back went out, you know,
and, and I wanted to get back out there and work,
but I knew the worst thing I could do.
Right.
Was to do that. And
for me, I guess in that case, what I need the most is,
you know, Hey look, it's gonna be okay. Mm-hmm. .
Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Yep.
I don't need that so much as I need.
I need to be allowed to be worried about work. I need to be,
the worst thing that somebody can say to me is, don't worry about it.
Right. Or there's, there's no reason to be stressed. Actually.
There's every reason to be stressed. .
Yeah. Yeah.
'Cause especially in the way our life is set up, if we don't work,
we don't eat right. We, there's no money coming in if we're not Right. Working.
Right. Mm-hmm. . And that's true for lots of people,
not just business owners, because Sure.
If you work a job that doesn't offer you benefits or paid time off mm-hmm.
, if you don't go to work, your paycheck suffers. Right. Right.
That's, we're not unique in that mm-hmm. .
But I am going to be thinking about all the work that needs to be done.
When I'm finally bullied in,
you can tell how bad I feel by how little I'm thinking about work.
'cause when it's peak badness, I don't give a fuck.
I'm just laying You don't Yeah. Quietly and stuff. Which is unusual for you.
Your mind's always.
Right. But, you know, I don't,
I don't like being told not to worry about something that is a valid mm-hmm.
worry because then I feel I, I feel invalidated.
I don't feel seen. Yeah. Um,
I do appreciate you've done this before when I've been down for the count.
When we plan again, it goes back to, to talking and communicating and planning.
Yeah. We're like, okay, well how can I help you do something? What do you what?
Mm-hmm. What could I do? And quite frankly, what it ends up being is me going,
actually, could you cook dinner? Actually,
could you take care of this household thing?
And I'll focus on business and once we get caught up, then I can, you know,
that kind of thing. Um, or sometimes, uh,
I need you to make the decision, okay, we are not recording today.
We are not making that piece of content. We're not working today.
You're gonna sit still fine. And that's where I,
I'm grateful that you're the dominant and that
we co-own our business entities because Yeah.
You have full freedom to step in and go, Nope, we're just not doing shit today.
Mm-hmm. , but I'll do that for you.
I'll make that call in a heartbeat. You're not well, we're.
Not doing, doing it. You have done that before. Yeah.
I can make that call for you when you're sick or your mental health is bad,
or whatever's going on with you. Mm-hmm. ,
I can make that call for you better than I can make it for myself.
I have just the way I've been, I was raised the person I am, whatever it is,
I will do my best to power through until I collapse on the other side.
Yeah. And I, I, I agree with that, and I'm kind of the same way mm-hmm.
, but we, and I think that's the thing we just keep doing,
is allowing the other to go, Hey, wait, no, no. We're gonna, you need.
To sit down here still. We're, we're, we're,
we're we are our checks and balances. Yes.
Agreed. Okay. Here's one that we know all too well. .
The.
Next stressful situation. Uh, how would,
how can we navigate as Dom sub on those days when
everything that can go wrong does go wrong? . Damn.
You Murphy, .
I'll say this to the extent that we're able to mm-hmm.
keeping our sense of humor. Yeah.
Some days it's just too much shit all at once. Mm-hmm. for me,
it helps when I feel like we're in it together. Like, whatever,
whatever crazy day it's been, whatever stressful things going on,
if I feel like it's happening to us and it's us against the
crazy mm-hmm. , then I can keep my sense of humor much better.
And I don't feel alone when it's a thing where I feel like everything's been
happening to me. Yeah. Then I'm back to needing outside validation. Right. Like,
you're right. That is fucked up.
And, and, and to a certain extent, I need the same thing. Mm-hmm. ,
what I have started to learn about those times when
everything that can go wrong will go wrong and does go wrong. Mm-hmm.
. Mm-hmm. , um, is that
I have a history of trying to fight it and power through it and make it
right. Mm-hmm. , and that always does not work.
It often makes it worse. Yes.
Yes. So.
I, I have learned that when it gets to that point
that everything is fu barred mm-hmm. , I just need to step back,
lay, lay it down, step back. The.
Day is done. Yeah. The day is done. We are, we're ordering takeout. Mm-hmm.
, we're like, the bras coming off. Yeah. The PJs are on.
We're done. We're done. Right. The day has won mm-hmm. ,
we're gonna go Yeah. Uh, hunker down and try not to get any more on us. Right.
And, and you know, I, I have found that,
that by stepping back mm-hmm. and,
and laying it all down and walking away from it is the best thing I can do
because then when I come back to it the next day mm-hmm. ,
it's with fresh eyes mm-hmm. mm-hmm.
a quieter mind. Right. Maybe.
. Right. And maybe potential solutions have come to you at that point,
because Exactly. You stop trying to force it. Yeah. And you just took,
you rested for a minute mm-hmm. ,
and you went and did something like do a complete 180.
Like the nights we tend to find ourselves on a couch, just,
you know,
binge watching whatever are those times when we're everything else's gotta shut
the fuck up. Right. It's, it's too much. It's, you know,
I need to be able to turn my brain off for a minute mm-hmm.
and mm-hmm. . Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That, yeah.
I agree with you completely there. I mean, I've, I used to not do it either,
and I've gotten better at going, yeah. That's clearly not happening today.
mm-hmm. , it'll be there tomorrow.
Because nothing that we do
rises to the level of genuine emergency.
We are not operating on people's brains here.
We are not sending people to a moon in a giant like explosive. Right.
Like, nothing we do .
is so mission.
Critical that it can't wait till tomorrow. True.
True.
True, true. I know.
It's very easy to feel like it's the most important thing
ever, ever, ever.
Well, you know. Yeah. Because you know what we do,
we do it ourselves, we do it on our own. So, you know.
Yes. It does feel critical.
And it, in a way it is critical. It is, yeah. It's critical to our goals.
It's critical to what we wanna do in life.
It's critical to the fucked up mess of our life that,
and we're trying to get out of it. Like it's critical to those things,
but it's not so critical that, and I think you and I have over time,
finally come to this point. It's not so critical mm-hmm.
that we can't stop and come back to it tomorrow. Yeah.
And put it down for a minute.
Well, you know, there, there, there was this, um,
oh gosh, now I lost my thought. You know? Okay. There, there,
there was always this thought, well, you know, if I, if I don't do it,
the world's gonna come to an end. Right. Kind of thing. You know.
For me it was, somebody's gonna be disappointed in me. Yeah.
Somebody's gonna tell me I did something wrong.
Like all my personal insecurities, . But I feel the same way.
And I've, I've gotten this way dealing with the youngest, um,
and school, like right now we're trying to navigate his mental health,
which is mm-hmm. incapacitating him physically in many ways.
And I've got the school like breathing down my neck about the importance of
attendance. And I'm like,
actually the importance of my child's physical and mental wellbeing trumps
sitting in a classroom right now. Right. Like,
there was a time I thought the most,
'cause I ha I I've always had this is the trauma, is that the generational?
I don't know. But if I do everything, quote Right. If I follow the rules,
I don't know, you get a fucking cookie at the end. I don't know, ,
but then you, like, you can't get in trouble. Like,
getting in trouble was like the worst thing to me, right? Mm-hmm. .
And it, it's still not my favorite. Okay. I'm this up,
I'm trying to be a good girl over here, but there I hit a point,
like with the kid where I went,
your idea you school board entity, right. Bureaucracy.
Yeah. Your idea of what's right is actually harming my kid.
So I'm gonna do something a little different where my main priority in this,
in this scenario is the kid. Mm-hmm. .
And I'm gonna have to follow our own path and it's gonna have to deviate what
you think is right and wrong. Right.
Because I'm taking care of the kid right now and being able to kind of go,
you know what, yeah, you are, you are taking a day off from school, or you know,
what homework didn't get turned in. It's not, it's not the, you know,
worst thing ever. Like, I can do it for others,
but I can't do it for myself. Um, but that's, that's I've,
I've learned by doing it for others, for doing it for the kids,
for doing it for you mm-hmm.
that it's actually often the better option. Yeah. Just,
just walk away from that thing for a minute, just fi mm-hmm. Don't,
It's that whole doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different
result. A different result. Yes.
So if I keep powering through and when I'm peak stress mm-hmm.
I'm just gonna keep fucking it up. And I'm, and I, the,
the frustration is this feedback loop that I can't get out of,
but if I just set it down for a minute and I go, you know what mm-hmm.
,
I don't have to do this right this second because this is not actual brain
surgery and I do not have a human being on the table. Right.
. Yeah. Yeah.
It's kink content. Y'all it's really, you know,
that's given me perspective. Yeah. That's what I would say. Mm-hmm.
. Okay.
Here's one and then we're gonna get into some specific kink things.
But this one is very personal, it's very recent. The stress,
how we want to handle each other and the stress
of the aftermath of an argument when you're both feeling sensitive,
you know, like last week , or week before.
I don't know what you're talking, I don't know what you're talking about.
And also two months prior to that, when,
when we had that one that we never actually resolved. No.
So I would say, uh, what we need to do is mm-hmm. , uh,
in that aftermath, even when we're feeling sensitive,
we have to fucking resolve it.
Yeah. Because.
All it did was blow up again in our faces.
Come back again. Right. To h Yeah. Which.
We already know that logically, we tell people that all the time. Sure.
But it is a little different when you're living it, you think, oh,
clearly we're over it. It's fine, it's.
Fine. It.
Was not.
Fine.
No. So how would you like to navigate that?
Um, ,
that's a very good question.
Sometimes I think
what you and I would need mm-hmm. and,
and this is how we ended up doing it the last time. You know, we
eat, breathe,
work and sleep within these walls day
in, day out.
Sometimes the only reason we leave is 'cause some child needs to be taken
somewhere. Right. And then we come straight back home.
Yeah. and, and,
and what one of the things we did this last time was
like, we got in the car mm-hmm.
and we went and got a coffee
and we went somewhere, went to a park mm-hmm. . And,
and we sat outside in,
in the fresh air and the bright sunlight and, and, and we talked mm-hmm.
, you know, and, and we were out of our environment. And,
and I've said this a a few times, I say, you know,
I find it hard to have,
have actual downtime here. Mm-hmm.
because there's either work,
work that needs to be done or there's something around the house that needs to
be done. Yeah. Alright. Unless there, there is no shortage. No either.
And we're not gonna think too hard about the list of house stuff that we,
we know has to be done and can't get to. 'cause that's a whole other source of.
Stress. Exactly.
Home ownership is great. . Yeah.
So, you know, it's,
it's very easy to get wrapped up with what's going on within these walls.
There's always something else. 'cause there's always something mm-hmm.
and being able to step outside these walls go to a different
place. Mm-hmm. , I think makes it easier.
Yeah. Yeah. Because yeah. We're, we're pulled out of the immediate,
the other stressors that are constantly around us. Right.
I'm thinking to the moment that got us there though, and I,
I have noticed that in the aftermath of most arguments mm-hmm. ,
I approach you first. And, uh,
there's a part of me that wishes it wasn't always like that.
But there's also a part of me that I think it's part of my submissive
self in our power exchange mm-hmm.
where I want to approach you
and let you decide the direction.
But there is a risk with that.
There's a slight fear with that because I might approach you and think, okay,
it is time to approach you and you might not be ready for the approach yet.
And my, every time I do it, my fear is, oh God, he could,
he could reject this overture, right? Mm-hmm. ,
he might not be at the point I'm at yet and ready to like,
try to talk or try to reconcile.
So I tend to wait way longer than I want to. Like this last time I,
it was like half a day I was kind of ready to go.
I can be right or I can be happy. And it technically we're both right.
Like nobody was actually wrong,
but I just want us to like fit back together again. Mm-hmm. .
And it was eight hours of thinking that before I finally went.
Okay. Okay. Um, and it was because ,
I knew that we had still been angry with one another and how that had gone down,
um, which is actually gonna be another scenario here in a, in a few. Um,
and I was terrified of that playing out again. Mm-hmm.
when it was time to go to bed and how our argument would disrupt
our routine. And I went, I gotta go fucking talk to him because I can't,
you can't,
I can't have that come up and surprise me that our power exchange routine,
the way we start and end our day will be interrupted
because of this argument without us talking about it. Yeah. Um, I, I,
for me it was like, I will not be blindsided again because that was,
I don't use the the word lightly, y'all. I really don't.
It felt traumatic in the moment. Um,
now the thing I do that,
I don't know how you feel about it 'cause it's what I do.
We've never actually talked about this part of it. I approach you respectfully.
Yeah. But also with no fucks to give true.
I, i come at you. There's nothing meek or mild about me. Mm-hmm.
we're absolutely respectful and willing to be told I'm not
ready to have this conversation. I don't wanna hear it, but I'm,
I'm willing for that. Yeah. But in the, the last one, 'cause I said, okay,
the way this morning when, or yesterday when, or how I, it was the morning.
Mm-hmm. , I was like, I got, I got blindsided with your decisions.
Is that gonna be your decision for tonight when we go to bed? I said,
because if we're gonna go to bed without our routine, 'cause you're still,
we're still angry at one another. Mm-hmm. , I need to know now.
Yeah. I can't wait until we're in the moment. What do you want to do?
And I was very plainspoken, very direct . Um,
there was nothing baby girl here. Like it was. Yeah. No, I did feel submissive.
'cause I was coming to you and saying, you tell me. Mm-hmm. ,
I was not demanding anything other than.
Answers. No, you weren't. And yet , and, and yet when you say that,
you know, you, you come respectfully but with no fucks to give.
I I I have no problem with that because you know, you don't clearly.
'Cause we don't argue. Again,
it's not a fresh argument by the way I approach you.
No, no, no, no. But you know, you don't,
you don't dance around the subject. No. You know, by the time I, you don't,
you don't give hint, you know, you don't, um, you know, for,
for lack of better terms, I guess the, the best way to say it, you know, um,
it's not like you're vague booking or something like that. Right.
No, no, no, no. You won't be guessing. What the fuck I mean. Right, right,
right.
Right. Which in a, you know, okay, so this is where we stand.
This, you know, let's mm-hmm. , let's move forward.
Let's deal with this.
I know. I was gonna say, the hard part about that is because I don't,
when I approach you, I don't know mm-hmm.
what your reaction will be.
I have to harden myself because I have to come to you knowing,
'cause you're the decider, you're gonna make the decision.
I might be asking you, are we maintaining our nighttime routine,
which is very important to both of us. Mm-hmm. . And you might say,
no, I, I can't do it tonight. Mm-hmm. .
And so I have to approach you knowing I could like get my feelings hurt and be
very sad when I walk away. And so what it does is I, I do harden myself again,
respectful, but direct as direct as I know how to be. Yeah.
Which to some people from the outside looking in, we go, well that's not right.
It's not massive.
Now the submissive part is I know that I'm giving you the opportunity to decide.
Right. And I don't air quote this, don't have any control over that. Mm-hmm.
. Right. So yeah. ,
this one makes me . This one's too fresh. ,
this one's too fresh. Uh,
'cause that last time was difficult. Yeah. It was necessary. 'cause we did the,
the mini resolution that night where we were speaking to one another again.
Mm-hmm. , we agreed to go through our evening routine. Excuse me.
Um, we even kind of were able to joke with one another,
but there was still a standoffishness.
Oh goodness. I'm glad that wasn't, excuse me directly into the.
Microphone . That's why I kind of tried to back away a little.
Bit. Um,
the thing I've noticed about me,
and I don't know if you've noticed it about me or if I'd already started making
this sort of change before I met you. Um,
there was a time where what I would've wanted to do
is to reconcile as quickly as possible mm-hmm. ,
even if it meant that I gave up.
I don't know how best to say this. Sometimes I'm fucking right in our argument.
Like I,
I'm making points and I know that I deserve to have those points acknowledged
and heard. Right? Yeah. Um,
and there was absolutely a time I would have just fallen on my own
sword, so to speak, just to reconcile. So you,
like a partner would be happy with me again mm-hmm.
so that the conflict would go away so that the,
my yucky feelings about being in conflict would go away.
I don't feel like I do that anymore.
I do make the fir tend to make the first overture.
I'm willing and as prepared as I can be for you to reject that
overture. Um, and I have learned,
I don't need to have resolution that night,
but I will not if I feel like if I've come to the conclusion that no, the,
the points that were being made need to be dealt with. We need to like mm-hmm.
talk about, you know, why one upset the other,
however that ended up going. Um,
I don't make it kind of make it all go away just so we can be
happy together. Yeah, no, I will.
But I will joke with you and try to pull out some humor and find our common,
our footing again this last time. And I, you know, I don't think you can,
we're strategizing here and I do think there's value and importance in
strategizing known issues that are just gonna come up like mm-hmm.
with certainty.
These kinds of issues are gonna come up in any relationship,
but you can't plan it out like step by step at this time.
This will happen on this day this, so in this case,
we semi resolved it to the point we were at least speaking to one another,
I guess Yes. So that we could go to bed. Right.
And it wasn't until the next day that I felt more comfortable.
I felt like you were more comfortable and then we could be more of ourselves.
Correct. But still with a bit of like unresolved distance mm-hmm. .
And for me, that's a huge change.
There was absolutely a time when whatever I had to do to make this
conflict go away, I would do, I would act like it didn't matter.
I would pretend that I was happy. I would, you know, I would,
I don't have memories of being the type to forgive bad behavior in that,
in the way of going, oh, it doesn't matter that that happened.
Like it definitely still mattered mm-hmm. . But I would kind of go,
it matters, but I'm gonna move on. Um,
and often that was to my detriment,
it was stuff I should not have moved on from. Yeah. In this case,
we absolutely had hard conversations about who was fucking up where and how and
how that made each of us feel. Mm-hmm. . Um,
and that, the time that we did that in that immediate aftermath,
I think was important. I think the thing I've learned,
and I think you and I kind of have done do this together pretty consistently.
We are firm and direct, but we try to still be kind. Yeah. Like,
I'm not sugarcoating shit. Right.
But I'm not gonna call you a bastard or something.
Like, well, yeah, no, no, no. And, and,
and I would not do the same thing to you in, in that respect. Right. I mean,
that, that's something, uh, that is extremely important to me, uh,
because of, of past relationships. Mm-hmm. , you know mm-hmm.
. And I often told you I, you know, you can say anything you
feel you need to say, just do so respectfully, you know? Right.
We're not gonna call each other names. We're not gonna No, you know,
dredge up past things that happened and mm-hmm. , you know,
that's not.
Being that direct is still even after I'm mid forties, it's mm-hmm.
still a relatively new skill though.
Childhood was spent having all, every emotion and feeling, in fact,
like negated and invalidated first,
first marriage was me bringing up the issues,
but the only time I could get anybody to hear me or pay attention mm-hmm.
was when I was, you know, acting batshit crazy and going off,
flying off the handle, which then got my
valid problems and cri criticisms negated because it's like, oh,
well you're shrieking. And,
and so like with you over the past decade,
I have gained the confidence mm-hmm.
and the security to know I can,
I can tell you when you done fucked up. Right, . That's true.
That's true.
And the thing I appreciate about you is that even when you
don't like to hear it, you face it head on.
I've not once in the heat of an argument and like the battle
we're when woo, neither of us is at our best. No, no. You might go,
that's not true, but that's your anger talking. Right. Once we're to this part,
the aftermath where we're still like,
it's tender and we're not sure quite where we stand,
but we know we're not arguing anymore. Mm-hmm. ,
I can tell you to your face that was wrong and you will own it.
And man, that's a breath of fresh fucking air. . You know, ,
I don't tend, I don't know if you noticed this and I know it's the trauma. Um,
I don't tend to have to be told I was wrong. I'm usually the one to tell you,
okay, here's where I know I done fucked up.
'cause I've already gone over this 85 million times in my brain before I finally
talk to you. Um, also, I need to say it first so that mm-hmm. ,
you can't criticize me, I'll criticize me for you. Yeah.
I'll admit to my wrongdoings because if you criticize me, there's the,
the little kid in me who, you know, childhood trauma mm-hmm.
and also the baby girl who just wants to be your good girl. Like,
if you criticize me and tell me what I did wrong, I will crumble.
I will be like, I will not be able to function.
But if I tell you that I know what I did wrong and I own it, and you go, yep.
Yep. You're right, you're right.
And you don't have anything else to critique me with, then we can move forward,
and I'm sure I need therapy for that. But , well,
I think it works for right now. Mm-hmm.
. Yep.
Okay. Now, those are all very common things, uh, therapy.
Jeff had a lot more than that. Yeah.
So feel free to watch as reel and go through that list.
Now we're gonna get into three speci, kink, power exchange specific ones. Okay.
Uh.
Things you and I have absolutely fucking gone through, but I do, and we have,
we've navigated them and we're fine, clearly. Mm-hmm. ,
but I do think they're important to at least touch on before you ever find
yourself in this situation, . Or if you,
if you found yourselves in these situations and you're like,
we maybe could have handled that better, touch on them now, like mm-hmm.
, while things are calm. Here's the first one.
Okay.
The dominant makes a decision
that this submissive fundamentally disagrees with. Like,
to their core. I think you're so fucking wrong for this.
And it creates tension. Mm-hmm. .
So you've been on that receiving end where you've made a decision, and I'm like,
that's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard in my goddamn life. .
So from your perspective is the dom.
She says with respect.
Right? Yeah. Yeah.
I say it in my head and my facial expression says it for me. But the,
I I use a respectful term mm-hmm. from your,
from the Dom's perspective of knowing that you've decided something that I am
like, fuck that shit. Um, and it's caused a stress. Yeah. Um,
a tension between us. What, what do you need in that moment?
How do you want to navigate that?
I, I think in, in moments like that, especially when you have such a visceral,
uh, reaction,
I think in those moments, what I need to do, I need to be able to step back and,
and kind of think about what's going on. Mm-hmm. and,
and just have some, you know, just gimme some time to think about things here.
What, what's, you know, what's going on. 'cause.
Typically, even when I don't fully agree with you,
we're usually on the same page and I can kind of go along Yeah. And be like,
well, let's see how this plays out. Mm-hmm. , if I'm,
if I was right and he was wrong, I'll let him know. , oh God. ,
.
But you know, if, if you, you know, and,
and I'm talking about me because I know how I am, you know,
if you keep coming at me mm-hmm. mm-hmm. , if you,
you keep, you know mm-hmm. , this is wrong, this is wrong. Right.
If you keep, I'm just gonna dig my heels in, unfortunately. Right.
And you're not gonna even consider another option.
Right now. Right. So, you know, allowing me to step back and,
and have that moment to
kind of think things over mm-hmm. ,
that is the best thing to do for me. , I.
I agree from experience,
the one thing I've noticed is sometimes when you're digging your heels in,
and we can both sense it, I'll, I have said in the past,
I'll say something like, you and I are usually pretty in step with one another.
Mm-hmm. , what is it about this that,
that we can't come together on?
We can't find that common ground. Right? Yeah.
So what I need from you is for you to
acknowledge that I disagree with you, man.
Validation is so fucking important to me. , , Uh,
I should get a therapist. Anyway. Um, I need you to acknowledge that,
that even if you don't see my perspective or agree with my perspective,
that my perspective is valid. Mm-hmm. , um,
I need you to say clearly, I'm, let me step back. Let me give this more thought.
You've done that before. Yeah. I cannot remember what the situation was anymore.
Yeah. But there was something that you were like,
this is what I think we should do, and I'm over here going,
that's the dumbest fucking shit I've ever heard. . I didn't say that,
but this face, that's what you absolutely communicated.
That communicated that. Yeah. Yeah. And.
When you realized that I was not immediately going, okay. Okay. That's fine.
You said, okay, let me, let me give this some more thought.
Let me gimme some more time with this. Right? Mm-hmm. , um,
we do avoid this often by looking at
multiple, multiple,
when we can multiple solutions and de air quote this word,
debating Yeah. The merits of each solution,
and then just negotiating our way to find, like, I can live with this,
you can live with that. Mm-hmm. , like,
we might each have our perfect option in mind,
but there's usually a middle ground where we're both willing to give up a little
bit to get something that we can kind of both live with. Right. Um, I,
I really did mean it when I said that. I sometimes sit back and go, well, I,
I think he's fundamentally wrong. I'm just gonna let him be wrong.
And when we have the proof that he's wrong, I will politely swoop it and go,
can we try it this way? Now? Now, I don't think we've,
I think maybe once in 10 years did we genuinely
disagree, and I went, I'll follow him. And we came back around You, you,
you're humble enough mm-hmm. That you were like,
that didn't go the way I planned. Let's try your.
Way. It didn't work out the way I Right. . Yeah.
But you know what,
I really think part of the reason we avoid this now after all these years is
because we've gone through those moments where I sat back and went,
I'm following his lead. That was, that's what we're doing here. Mm-hmm.
and it, the world didn't end. Right. Right.
And we've had the times where you were like, powering through,
this is my decision. It wasn't the right one.
You followed not my lead, but like my suggestion and it worked out.
So we now have the experience of knowing that if one of us has fully dug in
and the other one's over here waving a red flag going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. What the fuck? Neither. Like, we need to back up a little bit.
We need to come find the compromise again. Mm-hmm. . Um,
I do like that the way we tend to make decisions
together, probably 95% of the time,
is you and I both acknowledge what the issue is. Mm-hmm. ,
I go off and find the solutions I bring.
The solutions I think are viable to you. Yeah.
And most of the time you're gonna pick one of them. Well,
if they're the solutions I came up with, I can live with all of 'em. Right.
, but you've done that too. You've seen a thing and gone, okay, we've,
we've gotta deal with this. Let me bring multiple options.
And they're the ones you can live with mm-hmm. .
And so then if I find something that I can get on board with out of the
solutions you've figured out. Right. It's, you've already, you're already,
you've already done the work of I can live with any of these. Yeah.
So then we don't have that push and pull of you made a decision
and I don't agree with it at all. Mm-hmm. to me,
if you're in a dynamic like that where the dom is making these decisions and the
submissive is constantly fighting them, there's a few potential things going on.
One, or there's some,
some issues on the submissive side that probably need to be worked through,
you know, bad tapes from previous relationships. Mm-hmm. ,
trauma from childhood, something that's making you resistant.
Is it an incompatibility? You fundamentally want different things.
And so when the dom's like, this is what we're doing,
the sub's like no the fuck we're not. Yeah. Uh,
or is it the wrong type of dynamic where you want something more
collaborative and less dictator? Um, because we are very collaborative. Yeah.
You're gonna, you're gonna make the ultimate decision.
But not before you've heard me out. True.
And I think the one or two times I've gotten upset with you over decision is
when I didn't feel heard.
So if I can feel heard and I can understand your thinking,
ta-da. I can,
because ultimately part of being submissive is letting you take the fucking
lead. And then sometimes that means you're gonna make a decision.
And I'm over here like, okay, let's just see how this goes,
uh, .
But you're humble enough to have realized that sometimes I'm right and if I'm
right, you'll, you'll just let me be. Right. Every once in a while, whatever.
We've established that it is more often than that. Okay.
Here's one that is extremely common. Mm-hmm. ,
but it can absolutely cause stress. Yeah. In the aftermath. Mm-hmm.
, your kinking goes wrong. Yep. It happens. Oh.
Now part of this is, this is a little too generic.
'cause there's so many reasons why a kinking can go wrong. It can be just a,
an error. Like a, an oopsie, I'm human, made a mistake. Mm-hmm. ,
it can be a,
the communication signals weren't clear and somebody went too far.
'cause they like, weren't they got in like, oh God,
it can be that a piece of equipment broke and all of your kinky dreams died.
Died. 'cause you can't be doing that thing you wanna be doing. Mm-hmm.
. So there's lots of reasons for a kink scene to go wrong. Yes.
And not, we've had kink scenes go wrong and we were not stressed out about it.
We left. That's Lola dreaming by the tripod. Oh, yeah. Okay. Um,
and we've laughed it off because it was not a stressful thing. Right.
But in those few times where like the stress gets,
the tension goes up because the scene went wrong,
what do you need to help navigate that?
Um,
I'm not really sure. Um,
I mean, the one time that, that to me, things did,
excuse me, did go south, so to speak, um,
was a time when I ended a scene
and, and you did, you know, you were just like,
okay, I, I understand why you are doing this. It's okay, we'll,
we'll try again later.
So was it a moment where you thought there might be tension?
And so that got you a little stressed out and, but then I was like, oh, mm-hmm.
, well, I'm following your, you ended it.
And that makes sense to me. Yeah. That's,
that comes down to a communication thing. Mm-hmm. ,
if you were just in the middle of a scene,
when I think things are going well just to stop it and we never talk about it,
that's gonna create tension for me and be like, what the fuck's going on? Yeah.
Um, but if you're like, I stopped this. You know, sometimes you have to like,
get out of the equipment. You have to like, move away from where you're at.
Mm-hmm. , there's might be some time between stop seeing,
get to have a conversation, but as long as there's always a conversation, like,
I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt from the time you stop the scene
until the time you talk to me, I'm gonna be like, there's a reason.
I don't know. Right. That's the trust between us, right? Mm-hmm. ,
that's also the, you're the decider. You, you get to drive this scene.
Yeah. I'm in the car with you, you know? Mm-hmm.
just as a passenger princess most of the time.
Let's be real . Um, I'm not,
I'm I'm there. You're doing all the work. Um,
but there have been times I can think of one where I desperately wanted you to
keep going. I was fucking in it. Mm-hmm. ,
but I had lost the ability to speak ,
A layer of subspace where my, my brain was there. Or I thought it was the.
Brain and mouth lost connection. Yeah.
And I like, it was getting hot. It was getting dark,
it was getting good.
.
But because I could not communicate, answer.
You. Right.
Oh, and you stopped it. And that was such a letdown even then, though,
it was not a tense moment mm-hmm. , it was more of a,
I was more upset with myself because it was like, ugh,
brain mouth work together in tandem. Please. Thank you. Yeah. Um,
and that, I know for me,
and I think this might be something that other submissives or bottoms might
experience, I'm sure Doms and Tops do in their own way,
but just different sides of the slash if I feel like I have let you
down in a scene, it didn't get to go the way we plan.
I had to safe word out. Uh mm-hmm. In that case,
I was out in space and once I can't communicate,
we can't keep singing 'cause that's not safe, like all of those things.
But if I feel like I've let you down, that is very stressful to me now,
10 years in, I that's, it's rare.
It is so rare for me to feel that way in any situation anymore because we just
been together long enough, communication's good enough.
But in those times where I felt like I have let you down,
the thing I need is validation.
The thing I need is I need to hear I'm a good girl and you're happy.
And this is, you know, what I like is you don't qualify things in the moment.
You don't go, this wasn't what I, we planned for. But like, you never do that.
You go, this was good for me. It needed to end. Mm-hmm. ,
it was good for me later, closer her back on, I'm in my right mind.
Yeah. Then we can talk about.
Right, right, right. But.
In the moment, if I think I am the reason,
or I know I'm the reason the scene has stopped early,
that's the thing I need is validation. Okay. Okay. Um,
the one time you stopped a scene, basically you safe worded out, you went,
I can't do this. Mm-hmm. , we, this is after the fact,
but I know what we did and I think it worked. You tell me.
I gave you that validation. Yeah. You were doing a good job. Mm-hmm.
, I love you. Thank you. I understand.
The other thing was because you safe worded out. I was like,
I understand it's fine that you did that. I'm not upset with you.
And so then just sort of reaffirming that mm-hmm. ,
you made the right, you did make the right decision. That's like,
there's no question about it, but that I supported.
Your decision. And I, and I think that's important, um, on both ends.
But you know, I I here have heard a lot over the years,
you know, especially submissives. Well, you know, I don't want my, my,
my dom my top to be disappointed because I safe use,
use my safe word. Right. You know? Yes.
Mm-hmm.
. And, and that is something I think that, you know,
I,
I would be more upset if down the road afterwards
found out that you wanted to use your safe word. Right. But didn't. Yes.
Absolutely. Well, and the other th that goes another way without the safe word.
Sometimes the scene goes wrong because a, a toy hits lands wrong. Right. Right.
There's injury or near injury. Mm-hmm. . And like, now we're,
we're safe wording out because the dom made a human error and whatever,
something didn't go wrong. Sure.
The thing that I've noticed when that happens with us is one in mid scene I can
tell you, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's , that's landing wrong.
I need you to adjust. 'cause 'cause that's not where you meant to hit that item.
Mm-hmm. . But after the scene, the,
the thing I have I feel works for you or helps you,
is to acknowledge that a mistake was made,
but not to place blame. Like, I'm not pissed off at you. I'm like, uhoh,
what do, and again,
it usually has to wait until we've gotten through getting ourselves back
together and being in a different place, in a different head space.
But it's like, okay, let's talk about what went wrong. And it's not a,
a judgment thing on you. It's a mm-hmm. , it's a Yeah.
That could happen to anybody. Right. Is it that more education's needed?
More practices needed different toy, what, and we're gonna,
we're going to sort of like, there was a sports metaphor,
but y'all know how I'm about sport ball sort of when you, like,
we're gonna go over the game play basically and try to like figure out debrief
Yeah. And figure out what, what wrong and how we can prevent that in the future.
Yeah. And, and you know, we,
we used to debrief a lot after
most every scene in the beginning mm-hmm. . Um,
we don't do that as much anymore,
but especially if something goes wrong mm-hmm. in a scene,
there's some kind of mishap. I think it is very important absolutely. To,
to debrief at some point. Maybe not immediately Yeah. After the scene.
But there, there needs to be that, that discussion of,
of what went on and why. And, and.
I think what helps me not be afraid for future scenes. Like you've made,
you've fucked up, you made a mistake, things didn't go according to plan.
You always own it. You do not deflect. You do not blame anything else.
Any anyone else. Even if it, like,
it was too noisy and somebody did crowd you and mm-hmm. ,
there were outside factors that explain part of it.
You always take responsibility for it.
So then I will actually turn around and try to comfort you because
your submissive cannot handle you to be wrong for anything.
Even when you are the one , it's wrong. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
. But it make,
I can I get to continue feeling safe after a scene goes wrong. Mm-hmm.
, because you are taking ownership of what happened. Yeah.
Like I was the one in control and that went wrong under my watch. Right.
And here's what I'm gonna do to avoid that in the future. Mm-hmm. ,
here's what I see, how I see things, you know, and how they went wrong. And you,
let me tell you what I need to tell you.
So then any stress or tension for us after all these years,
it just doesn't exist. But in those early days,
any stress that might've been there was immediately diffused because I wasn't
even, I wasn't trying to convince you. You had screwed up. You were going, no,
no, I own it. You know, my bad. Here's, you know, what do we do to fix it?
Or here's what I think we do to fix it. And I think that makes a difference.
Here's one that we just went through. Yeah. And it's our last one, .
Okay.
When you disagree on whether a stressful or big moment is
appropriate for your power exchange.
Hmm.
The last time it happened to us was very recently. And you,
in your anger,
weaponized part of our power exchange Yeah. Against me.
And used your control to say it was not your finest moment.
Not a good look for me. No.
No. I know. And I don't even like admitting it.
'cause I want you to look perfect to everybody always, but.
. Yeah. But I'm, it was a moment that happened. I'm, I'm not .
Right. Right, right. Um,
you know, I, I, I,
what can I say? I fucked up in a big way. Um, you know,
not that it's any excuse, but the stress we have been feeling
for the last couple years has just been compounding, compounding, compounding.
And.
Then you were triggered. Like we trigger each other sometimes. Yeah.
Accidentally oopsie.
And, uh, that's another topic.
For another day. .
I, I, I fell off the deep end and mm-hmm.
, you, my sense of it was, um,
was that you were trying to regain control.
You were feeling out of control and like, you were like, I'm the dom,
I get to fuck a fucking say over this. And it, it was,
this was the height of our fight. Like we were not happy with each other.
Prior to this, we'd been arguing for like a day or two. Yeah. Uh,
and by arguing,
I mean glaring at one another and like walking past the other in silence,
.
Mm-hmm.
. And I,
instead of just doing what I usually do, which is going, let's talk about this.
Just tell me what the fuck's on your mind.
I tried to act like nothing was wrong. Not that nothing was wrong,
but like that everything was still normal. Yeah.
And I'm like, and me, I'm up against a,
I felt like I was up against a brick wall just Yep. Banging my head,
getting nowhere. So.
Neither of us was correct in this situation. Yeah.
But because of the authority and the power and control you have as the dom
mm-hmm. , you have that ability to go, well,
I get to say no to this, or I get to,
I get to control whether this thing happens.
And it was parts of our power exchange that are fundamental parts of the power
exchange. So that if we're not gonna do them anymore,
there has to be a conversation.
It was right in line with why we say Doms,
you do not punish, even if you have the whole consequences,
punishment thing is your power exchange.
You do not punish in anger because you're not, you're not clearheaded. Right.
And I viewed that moment as you trying to punish me as your
submissive for things you didn't like that your wife was doing and your business
partner was doing. Mm-hmm. , um, .
And it was one of those things where the decisions you made,
if you were going to, if we were no longer going to do those things, they could,
that could only be undone with a conversation. Right.
Not at in the heat of anger. Like you would, I don't,
I wouldn't have taken it. Well, but if you had said this,
I am too angry for this right now, I cannot do this.
I would've hated that. But I'd have been like, that is clear,
indirect communication. Now might I have tried to convince you otherwise? Sure,
sure. I'm like, I'm that girl. You.
Be, you being you, I'm.
That girl. .
But you were at the height of your anger and so you weren't thinking clearly.
No. Neither of us was communicating clearly at that point. No.
And that was the direction you went. No. And that's,
that's a big stressor in the middle of something that's already stressful.
Stressful. Yeah. Because that takes from, from my perspective, and I,
I think either side of the slash can feel this way,
if the other side of the slash
uses their power exchange against the other mm-hmm. , like,
I don't, it's not just a sub thing. It's, it could be anybody. But for a,
a brief moment in our 10 years together,
I was unsure of my place in the dynamic. And man, that pissed me off .
And so then we had to navigate the larger argument we were having and the
tension we were having,
but we also had to navigate that moment because that was, to me,
deeper than mm-hmm. , your average non kinky,
vanilla kind of just life situation that was like, that was,
that hit on a deep level mm-hmm. ,
because that touched something sacred. Yeah. . Yeah.
Um, and we got through it. The strategy is we have,
we have to let tempers diffuse a bit. Mm-hmm. We have to mm-hmm.
again, it,
I think it goes back to you have always owned your actions good,
bad or otherwise, and you're humble enough to admit when you're wrong.
Had I come,
I did come at you that that's when the argument got notched up to like a
hundred, not even 11, there was no dial. We were Oh lord. Um, yeah. ,
because, you know, I was pissed, but, um,
we can't even touch it when we're in the height of the argument. No.
We have to let everything calm down.
We have to get to that point we were talking about earlier where you're in the
aftermath, where you're still kind of sensitive. And then.
The thing, the thing that we need to understand,
especially when it comes to you and I, I, and I'm,
I'm gonna use this this term and, and I think it,
it fits for what I'm trying to say,
we are both very passionate people. Mm-hmm.
. That's, that's great. When we're.
Getting and, and it is, it, it, it is a good thing. , it,
it's both of our strengths.
Mm-hmm.
and it is also.
Absolutely.
Our weakness. Yes.
Agree completely. Okay. It, it's also why, uh, we are,
we are not for everyone ,
we are both a lot to handle in our own way. . Yes.
Yes. That is true. So, you know, um,
when, when we get that
passion in us about something mm-hmm. , you know,
it's like, it, it can be like two worlds colliding.
Oh yeah. Uh, you know, go ahead. I was gonna say in the moment,
we have to calm down. Yeah. From my perspective,
from the quote wronged partner's perspective 'cause mm-hmm. ,
when you do that, you are wronging the other person. You're fucking up,
you're human. It's, it's not,
it's not a deal breaker as long as it's not happening over and over again.
Right. I think that would make it a deal breaker. Yeah. But you know,
the wronged person needs to be validated. Mm-hmm. ,
you did exactly what I needed you to do. You apologized for it.
You and I both did the same thing to one another.
I apologized for how I absolutely spoke to you disrespectfully after that,
that moment occurred. But I did not apologize for my anger. Mm-hmm.
, you in your own way,
apologized for your behavior and your actions,
but you did not negate your own feelings and where that was coming from. Right.
Yeah. Um, and I think that makes the difference. Now,
could we have heard one another before we hit that, like,
aftermath since.
Point? Probably no.
. Like we would, we would've been like we, we would've,
we been talking past one another. Um, it also helps,
um, that we don't repeat those kinds of behaviors. Yeah. Like,
we fuck up and we fuck up big and then we'll be like, oh,
we're not doing that ever.
The fuck again. We, we, we managed to learn from our mistakes. Right. So.
Like, I feel like in this scenario, as the one who was on that,
the receiving end of it mm-hmm. ,
I'm not walking around wary and unsure of who you are and who we are. Yeah.
'cause I know who we are. I genuinely don't believe it will repeat itself.
'cause that was like the,
the first big time and maybe only the second time in 10 years where like that
had even been like a little bit of it. Mm-hmm. . Um,
I think the other part is that you have made,
you've always been a safe person for me to react very honestly, good, bad,
or otherwise. Mm-hmm. . And so, um,
I didn't feel in the moment like I had to hide my re response, um,
or my reaction. And I never felt,
while we were diffusing it later and working through it,
like I had to pretend otherwise. And I think that that is important too.
If I get to come to you when I'm calmer and go,
that was wrong and you were wrong for that. I hate it.
It it's a physical pain to me to think of you being wrong because I,
it's not what I want. You.
Don't want to. Yeah. I.
Don't want, you're my daddy dumb. You're the one in charge. Uh,
I want to put you on a pedestal. We have had that conversation.
You're not on a pedestal, but I would love for you to be on one. Right. Um,
but knowing I can come to you and even in that discomfort. Yeah.
You'll just own it. You're like, yeah. Mm-hmm. .
Now let me say again, we said this earlier.
We're talking about the aftermath of an argument.
I'm going to tell you what I did wrong before.
You can tell me so that my psyche can handle it. ,
um, for me, and I,
and you tell me if this is true for you when you're the wronged one.
Like you're the one who gets, who gets to be right in that thing. Mm-hmm.
. 'cause the other person screwed up.
It almost feels good is not quite the right word,
but freeing to be able to go You were wrong.
You messed up and have the other person go. You're right.
'cause it's a validation. Yeah. And it's sort of a, a
clin cleaning the air. Like, um, there's an expression,
I can't think of the expression, but you let it all out into the open.
You get it out into the open. Yeah. I can't think of what,
and I can't think of the expression. It's gone. No, no. Um,
and being able to do that allows me to let go.
Now we go back again on the times I have fucked up.
I will tell you how I fucked up. Please don't tell me how I fucked up.
I know how I fucked up. I will recite my wrongs. It's fine.
You just nod and smile and go. Yes, you're correct.
And that way I don't have to hear the criticism. .
Now I have, I mean, the most recent one was Yeah, you're, you're oopsie.
I've done, I've been wrong on that end too. I've, you know mm-hmm.
malicious compliance, but not in a fun way. . You know,
like, I try, I'm desperately trying to be a good girl. So like, if I,
if it ever happens, it's probably not intentional.
But what do you need if I, you know, when I'm the one that fucks up,
what's gonna help you?
You just need me to recite my wrongs so that you can nod quietly.
That works for me. By the way, , if I haven't mentioned it,
you already do that. So we're, we're, we're,
which means I'm perfect and I'm good and I can, nobody can ever be mad at me.
I really need therapy. I know, I know . I know. Yeah.
. Um, yeah. Yeah, I know .
Yeah. So, uh, that's a lot of things. Yes.
Um, you know what, there's a common theme that I've noticed.
One is my least favorite word, patience. .
The other is my favorite communication. Mm. Yeah.
Um, yeah.
Because whether the stressful situation is happening to you and your poor
partners,
like on the outside watching it happen and trying to help you navigate it or
you've done it to each other. , you know,
mo most ills can usually be resolved with just clear communication, you know,
but, and understanding what the other person needs, you know, you know,
I need to hear I'm a good girl and to be validated. Like,
I don't make that a secret. Um, and most of the time, if you are not.
And butt rubs, you need butt.
Rubs. There's not enough of those on the planet. Um,
when it's something happening to me and you have to be witness to it mm-hmm.
, that'll be enough. Right. When it's stuff happening,
we're doing to one another,
or we're both going through it and it's increasing tension, you know,
sometimes it's just go to our separate corners,
but always come back to communication. Mm-hmm. . So, yeah. Yeah.
I have no idea if that was helpful for anybody.
I didn't even know if it was helpful for me. Was it helpful for you? I don't.
I don't know. Well.
Is helpful the right word? I dunno. , I dunno. Um,
yeah, that's all of them. Mm-hmm. . Um, I'll try to like, yeah,
I'll list them out in like the show notes page for podcast listeners mm-hmm.
and there'll be eventually timestamps on,
on YouTube to kind of see them all. 'cause there's a lot,
and we didn't even go through all the ones that therapy Jeff listed. Um, that's.
True.
But I, you know, I highly recommend what, you know,
if you're in a moment or a season where things are relatively relaxed and
comfortable and you can,
and you're not already stressed out with one another mm-hmm.
or about something that you can talk about these things in
advance. You can't game it out completely.
You cannot predict exactly what will happen,
but you might be able to arm yourself with tools to help you get through it.
Yeah. Like,
if you remember that your partner just needs to feel heard when they're going
through it mm-hmm. , then, you know,
maybe that's in your head and you slow down for a minute and go, that's right.
That they don't want me to give them answers. They just want to vent.
That is a thing I can do for them. Right? Yeah. Like, or if you're like,
oh shit, we're in an argument and maybe this is our first argument ever.
If you've never considered what might happen in an argument or how you,
how you know you are when things get heated. Right. And you,
each partner feels shocked by what's happening.
If you've never had the conversation,
you're not probably not gonna bring your best self to the resolution of that
argument if you have had the conversation ahead of time. And, you know,
my partner told me that they always do this when they're pissed.
And I know I always do that when I'm pissed. If you have it in your head,
you have a better chance of navigating it without blowing up the
relationship. Yeah. And here's the thing. Some of these things we've learned,
only in hindsight, we had to go through it with no plan. ,
uh, really pissed the other one off.
And then figured out as, as they used to say, kinda like the, uh,
school hard knocks. Yeah. Yeah.
And you wouldn't have a plan. It doesn't always go to plan. And so just,
just gotta throw the plan out Yep. And figure it out on the fly. Mm-hmm.
. And for all my fellow anxious people, planners out there,
I know that sucks. It sucks.
I would like to write my 10 point bullet plan and just go through it and like,
everything would be fine if it doesn't work that way. And that's okay.
That's true. But I do think there's always value in,
in trying to have the conversations before you need to have the conversation.
Yeah. If that makes sense. Yeah. So, yeah. Okay.
This went longer than I anticipated, but there we go.
Oh yeah. Wow.
But we, I think we, we did stay on topic. You did. So it was just a big topic.
Mm-hmm. , uh, and we will do, uh, a bonus section. Yep.
I don't know how much there is to say, but we'll do what we can. So, yeah.
All right. So, uh, are we good?
That's not for me to say. Keep it kinky, y'all, and we'll see you next week.
Daddy.
Yes, baby girl.
Can I talk to the crickets, please?
I suppose you can.
Okay.
I don't have anything major to say. Mm-hmm. Uh, I got to see the oldest, uh,
last Sunday. You did? Just me, myself, and I. Yep. Uh, he texted and said,
I need groceries. ,
can you come and take me to Aldi and buy my groceries? And I was like, well,
of course I can. Um.
Youngest and I stayed home. Yep.
Yep. Uh, the youngest is going through it and
I'm waiting for.
Catch you later, ex have a good one.
Different people at the school to stop ignoring me and answer my fucking
questions. . Yeah. Um, so there's that.
I don't wanna have to be that parent that has to rock up there and stand there
and go, I've emailed 85 million times, I need somebody to come talk to me.
But we're getting to that point. . Um.
Well, I'm sorry. Should've learned, I mean, that's kind of started last year.
I think that's just been school systems probably since the dawn of time.
Mm-hmm. mm-hmm. .
But certainly for the past 20 to th like,
the more resources get cut and the more that there's not enough time,
energy, money, people to go around for every student who has needs.
Yeah. The more this happens,
like I get it and I am empathetic to the adults trying to
make school happen. . However, my top priority is my kit. Right.
And I try not to be an unreasonable human being, and I know those exist,
and I try never to be that parent. Okay.
But the problem is, it's a squeaky wheel situation. If I became that parent,
I would get answers immediately because nobody wants to fucking deal with that
person . But I don't wanna be that person, so I get fucking ignored.
They're like, oh, well,
she's not to the point where she's frothing at the mouth yet.
So we just won't answer that email.
.
It's fine.
Deep.
Breath. I.
Know. Deep breath.
Um, what else?
What have you got going on?
Um, I, I have been working, working, working. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm.
. Um, I,
I think my little rant on, on
Friday night and the hangout about, you know,
us not having fall weather may have worked. Um, the fall.
Gods heard you.
. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Work better than your emails .
Um, we, we've got slightly cooler weather here. We've.
Just got less humidity too. Yeah. Which has been pleasant.
Um, which is is nice in and of itself. I'll,
I'll take slightly cooler over no cooler. Right. Um.
Center of the sun, uh,
in space next to the sun. I mean,
I feel like that's the that's the difference we're we're dealing.
With. Yeah. We'll take it. Yeah. And, uh, you know,
that that's made it a little bit more enjoyable to step outside the door in the
morning mm-hmm. .
Mm-hmm.
. And, uh, you know,
I I I've been working on, on a lot of stuff.
Um, I'll, I'll talk some of it. I'll,
most of it I'll talk more about in the, uh, uh, behind the scenes.
Yeah. That's a.
Stuff coming up. There's.
A podcast thing we do Pats Yeah, yeah. On, on Patreon where we do a mm-hmm.
an episode where we just talk about what we're working on Yeah.
And what's going on in our personal lives. True, true, true. More so than Yes,
these episodes where we talk about.
That too. Yeah.
More details. More.
Details. So, um, you know, and, and I, I've, I'm,
I'm at one of those points, and you'll,
you'll understand this better than anybody where I've just got so many ideas
floating around in the head, you know? Yeah, yeah. Uhhuh .
Yeah. And, and, you know, I, I have to, uh,
I'm, I'm at a point where, you know, I haven't said anything because I,
I know we've, we've talked about, you know, how I am kind of, um,
at a certain point where I cannot take on much more.
Mm-hmm. You can have all the ideas in the world,
but you just can't manufacture more time . Exactly.
Exactly.
Exactly. I know, I know. It's the,
it's the bane of my existence, that reality, that fact.
Mm-hmm. . Yep. Mm-hmm. . So, um, I'm,
I'm a little grateful for the, for the cooler weather. I've noticed that, uh,
the lawn has not grown very much since.
I know we are able to get two weeks without mowing the lawn.
And that felt like a vacation. Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
we're gonna get out of the half to mow your lawn every week thing and go into
the, it's.
Oh my God. The, the leaves, the yard is covered with leaves.
Right. But we're in the middle right now. Yeah.
So leaves are falling and the grass is, uh, not growing quite as much mm-hmm.
. But we're also in the middle of love bug season.
So you walk outside and you might get two combined bugs
smacking you in the face. Yeah.
Yeah. So I, I, I had a few of them wander into the shop the other day,
you know, but, um, you know, and, and, and understand something, some,
you know, you, some of y'all, you, you think of fall, it's like, oh,
the leaves turn color and they, they fall off the trees and, you know,
that's why we.
Call it fall, y'all.
Yeah. Um, no, the, the type of tree we have in our yard,
which pretty much covers the entire front yard because it, it's a Laurel Oak.
Um, it is a beautiful tree. I love that tree. Uh,
it gives the front of the house such beautiful shade. Mm-hmm.
and blocks the, the sun at the hottest point of the day here.
Mm-hmm. . Um,
but fall with this tree starts
a little bit now, uh,
but really starts in October and doesn't truly end
until almost January mm-hmm.
.
And somehow there's enough leaves that keep falling that we have to rake every
week.
There's not like one or two big like times to rake and then you're done .
It's like, Nope, nope. It found some more leaves. No. That we're.
Ready to come down. Somehow this tree has enough leaves on it that it drops,
leaves for several months. .
But if I have to pick between dealing with leaves in air,
quote this word. 'cause I can, I can hear Canadians rolling your eyes already.
The height of our winter air quote, winter. Yeah. I will take that over.
Having to decide how early
is early enough to mow the lawn so that we don't piss off the
neighbors, but also we don't melt. Yeah. And that being our decision every week.
Mm-hmm. . So, yeah.
Excuse me. Yeah. So.
So yeah. It's mm-hmm. You know, weather.
Yep.
Um.
And that, that's really been about it. Yeah. We've, uh, you know,
we've been watching some TV shows here and there in between mm-hmm.
, we.
Finished Good Omen season two. Yep. And I am,
I know it'll be a hot minute before we get to season three, but I'm mm-hmm.
desperate for it. Yeah. Um.
Especially the way it ended. Oh God. Not gonna go into it for anybody who.
So good, but also so bad also.
Ah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And, um, you know, we are, we're making our way through,
um, some brain candy tv.
Legends of Tomorrow, legends.
Of DC Legends of tomorrow. We're.
In the last season. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, uh, we've already got a couple shows picked out.
To watch after.
To watch after . Yep.
Which, you know, that's, it's, that means that things are relatively calm Yeah.
When we can actually think mm-hmm. , gee,
what TV show would we like to watch? So we'll take it. Um,
Lola is good. Yep. Onyx and Ella are good.
Everything is as good as mm-hmm.
good as it can be. Can be.
Yep. Um, and yeah, so that's us. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Anything else? No,
I think we should probably.
Go, I think we should probably go keep it a little short since we did go long,
but you know, that's, it's okay.
Yeah. Some, some topics you just go long on. It's true.
As long as we stay on topic, I think it's okay. That's true.
And Lola's dreaming.
And Lola's dreaming again.
. Oh, that's what I meant to tell you. You,
while you were not moving over in the bed and letting me have space. Mm-hmm.
or, uh, in the middle of the night, woke up and went,
that's my cell phone. Actually, you didn't wake up, you were dreaming.
That's my cell phone. And then garble, garble, garble.
I didn't understand what you were talking about.
I don't know what your dream was,
but you were adamant that that was your cell phone.
I don't know what the dream was.
I don't know. Remember what the dream was either .
And then after that, then I got you to roll over, so.
Okay. There was that. Okay. Anyway, anyway, .
On that note.
? Yep. Okay. Yeah, no, I, no memory of, of any dream or anything,
so mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Adamant that that was your cell phone.
Yeah, my phone, dammit. Mm-hmm. . . Mm-hmm. .
Almost your Dom voice.
Oh.
Goodness. I don't know. I don't know. I'd like to know,
but I don't know on that. We're gonna go . Yeah.
Thanks for joining us folks. Yep.
Thanks for staying sticking with us to the bitter end. Mm-hmm. .
We love y'all. Yep.
Bye. Bye.