1 00:00:11,060 --> 00:00:14,680 You are listening to the Loving B D S M podcast, episode 360 6. Okay. 2 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,040 The Lord's here with the one, the only, 3 00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:19,520 the you always look really good after you cut your hair. John Brownstone. 4 00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:22,880 Thank you. Sorry to podcast listeners who can't see you, , 5 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:26,000 but I can see you and you look divine. 6 00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:28,320 Oh, haircut and beard trim. Yep. Yep. 7 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,760 Velcro head now. Yeah. So things get stuck on it. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. 8 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,040 . And your beard's a little short, but, you know, hair grows. 9 00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:36,320 And I'll be happy when it's longer. . 10 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:39,430 . 11 00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:41,360 Because it's all about making me happy. 12 00:00:42,340 --> 00:00:43,360 Oh, is that what it is? 13 00:00:43,620 --> 00:00:46,960 No, but I like to pretend. Okay. Yeah. . 14 00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:51,560 How can it not be all about making your baby girl happy? You're a daddy dom. 15 00:00:51,940 --> 00:00:54,320 You're supposed to be a nurturer, a caregiver. 16 00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:58,360 But then I have to feed that sadist in. Me too. You know? Well. 17 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,760 You get, you get your rocks off as a sadist in other ways. 18 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,440 just. 19 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:06,080 I'm just saying. I'm just saying. 20 00:01:06,690 --> 00:01:07,600 Carry on. Girl. 21 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,520 . This week we're not talking about any of that . 22 00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:16,320 We're actually talking about something we've mentioned in many, many, 23 00:01:16,350 --> 00:01:19,440 many past episodes, usually kind of in passing. Uh, 24 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:20,680 and we're gonna focus on it this week. 25 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:24,560 And that is the importance of trying to talk in advance 26 00:01:25,530 --> 00:01:30,520 about common and known potential stressful situations before they happen. 27 00:01:30,740 --> 00:01:35,440 So you can kind of figure out how you'll handle them and still navigate your 28 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:38,200 power exchange and maybe not get into an unnecessary fight. 29 00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:41,800 Ask us how we know about unnecessary arguments, , 30 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,840 because we were both stressed . 31 00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:46,600 So that's what we are talking about this week. 32 00:01:47,230 --> 00:01:50,160 Welcome to the Living B D S M podcast. This is your first time listening. 33 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,680 Glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. 34 00:01:52,740 --> 00:01:56,040 Loving B D S M is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in education. 35 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:58,280 And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. 36 00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:01,640 Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. 37 00:02:01,940 --> 00:02:05,360 You can also follow the show on Twitter if you want to, 38 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,760 and it hasn't burned down to the ground by the time you can hear our voice at 39 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:13,680 Loving BDSM on Fat Life at Loving BDSM PC that stands for podcast 40 00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:17,200 Y'all on Instagram and technically threads at that handle. 41 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,440 I will Forever fucking Hate Loving dss. And the number one, 42 00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:25,280 so it's at Loving DS one, or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, 43 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,440 where you can watch us live. Stream the podcast every Wednesday. 44 00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:29,280 All links are in the show notes. 45 00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:33,600 And now that the magic button has been hit, I have got to turn that fan on. 46 00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:36,440 You're gonna hit another magic button. Yeah, but not the magic button, 47 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,760 because that would not be appropriate for either the podcast or the YouTube 48 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:44,680 channel. . Um, yeah. Also, I, before you try and touch the magic button, 49 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,200 I need to have my medication adjusted. 50 00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:50,600 So I actually want the magic button to be touched again, , like, 51 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,120 I want to want to mm-hmm. . It's frustrating 'cause I'm like, 52 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:57,840 but no, look at him. He's being all like cute and sweet and sexy and like daddy. 53 00:02:57,870 --> 00:03:00,720 Like, and not even a sadist. And also the other part of me is like, 54 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:04,560 but he's gotta stop. So , we're gonna, 55 00:03:04,610 --> 00:03:09,520 we're gonna work on that 7:15 AM doctor's appointment on Thursday to work on 56 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:14,080 that. Okay. That has nothing to do with this week except episode. Wow. 57 00:03:14,990 --> 00:03:19,280 It's just, it's on my mind. It's on my mind. Wow. Okay. 58 00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:22,160 So before we get into this week's episode, um, 59 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,520 announcement ish, we've sponsored ourselves, again, 60 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:30,160 it's not really a sponsorship when you yourself own the business. Uh, 61 00:03:30,220 --> 00:03:33,280 we did share these and show these off, um, 62 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:39,160 on the Friday night live stream. What was that? The 15th, September 15th, um, 63 00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:41,760 for the Kry, we have, uh, 64 00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:45,400 made seasonal diabolical sticks. If you're like, 65 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,560 what the fuck is a diabolical stick? It's, uh, 66 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,400 a stick that really fucking hurts and is worse than an evil stick. Um, 67 00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:55,160 our diabolical sticks have resin, um, 68 00:03:55,870 --> 00:04:00,720 tips on the end, so that what you're getting hit with is a hard piece of resin. 69 00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:01,620 Um, 70 00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:06,600 and we made Halloween ones and we've actually sold probably half or a little 71 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,240 bit over half, and it's a limited quantity. So it's like, 72 00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:14,200 if you want to be hit or hit your partner consensually 73 00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:18,960 with something very hard and painful, uh, and you want it to, 74 00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:23,680 to be spooky themed and seasonal, and, you know, halloweeny, uh, 75 00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:26,000 get thee to the kry . 76 00:04:26,220 --> 00:04:27,320 Get, get 'em while they're hot. 77 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:30,760 Um, we did on our social media, there's a, 78 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,880 a video we did doing a demo. Um, you demoed the four main styles on my forearm. 79 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,520 'cause that's what was safe for social media. Uh, 80 00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:42,520 the marks lasted for three days, and I still have, um, we did that on Saturday. 81 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:46,520 This is Wednesday. I actually have a small bruise left over . 82 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,440 I think the bruise came from you overlapped in one spot, 83 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,520 the skull and the ghost. Yes. 84 00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,840 And that the two together was hard enough to make a bruise. 85 00:04:55,420 --> 00:05:00,000 The tombstone let almost broke my skin, which was like, 86 00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:02,440 never our plan. 'cause we don't really play with that. Mm-hmm. . 87 00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:03,960 But, and then there were, 88 00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:08,080 the design of the tombstone had a bunch of lines and you could see each line, 89 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,520 each line on my forearm. It. 90 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,350 Was a wonderful thing. 91 00:05:10,350 --> 00:05:14,280 Yeah. It's, it's very painful. . Um, 92 00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:18,040 we don't actually play with them in our scenes 'cause that's a hard no for me. 93 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:22,920 But I will demo them because, you know, I, I am that kind of masochist. 94 00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:27,160 Um, I'm a MAs living in a capitalistic society. Okay. . 95 00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:33,120 If we make it, I wanna sell it, so. Sure. Um, so yeah, if, uh, 96 00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:37,680 you like to be hit or to hit others consensually with very painful things, 97 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:42,360 and you wanna make that Halloween, uh, the link is in the places, 98 00:05:42,460 --> 00:05:44,120 or you can just go to the kry.com. 99 00:05:44,190 --> 00:05:47,200 There's literally right at the top of the page, like a picture. 100 00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:52,160 Just tap on that. So yeah, we air quote, sponsored ourselves. 101 00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:57,520 Um, so let's actually get into, uh, this week's episode. 102 00:05:58,420 --> 00:06:03,280 Um, and it is inspired once again by therapy, 103 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,320 Jeff, I really should actually follow him, 104 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,280 but my personal Instagram account got, uh, booted. Yeah. 105 00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:11,760 And so I haven't created a new personal Instagram account because, 106 00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:14,760 so I'm lurking on all of my brand accounts, , 107 00:06:18,940 --> 00:06:23,040 uh, and therapy. Jeff is back in, in my algorithmic feed. Um, 108 00:06:23,710 --> 00:06:28,200 I've linked to the reel that caught my attention in the show notes and, uh, 109 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:32,480 in the description box, uh, for YouTube. Um, and he did a, 110 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:36,400 a video of 11 stressful scenarios and situations. He was like, 111 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:41,360 go ahead and talk to your partner about these now before you're in them so you 112 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,280 can kind of discuss how you wanna navigate them. And I went, Ooh, 113 00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:48,800 some of these are absolutely things we've gone through, , , uh, 114 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,440 and I don't know that we've ever formally discussed them. Huh. 115 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:56,400 And then I thought about kink and power exchange specific scenarios mm-hmm. 116 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,640 . And I was like, Ooh, we should talk about those too. 117 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:01,240 So that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna go over, 118 00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:05,840 we took inspiration from his reel. Some of the, um, scenarios he suggested, 119 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:10,800 we added some kink ones. We are going to model the conversation. 120 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,440 This is not meant for anybody to go, yes, 121 00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:15,280 we should do it like Kayla and jb mm-hmm. , 122 00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:17,880 you should do it the way that works for you. Um, 123 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:23,160 and probably to think of relationship specific 124 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:26,840 scenarios that aren't on this list. 'cause there are so many there. I mean, 125 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,280 I probably could have spent five minutes and come up with another 20. 126 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:33,040 I didn't wanna do an episode on that many though. Excuse me. Um, 127 00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:38,960 are you checking on your dog? Oh, she's going outside. Sorry. 128 00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,480 JB has left the microphone podcast listeners. 129 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,960 I know you can't see that because that Gruy sound in the background was Lola and 130 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:49,400 wasn't at the door. She was at my feet, but she was talking to us. 131 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:53,920 So, um, anybody already in a long-term relationship, 132 00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:58,800 you have probably faced most of the common stressful 133 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,640 situations. Um, and you've probably already figured out how to, 134 00:08:02,820 --> 00:08:07,280 to handle each other when you can see those on the horizon or you're in the 135 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:08,113 thick of it. 136 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:12,320 I do think this is still beneficial for long-term relationships because a couple 137 00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:14,800 of these things we have gone through, 138 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:18,600 we have navigated them sometimes well, and sometimes not so well, 139 00:08:19,220 --> 00:08:20,400 and have never had an, 140 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:25,280 a formal conversation about how we would ideally like to navigate these things, 141 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:29,400 especially within the context of our power exchange. So, you know, 142 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:33,000 I think this is one that's great for new power exchange relationships, 143 00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:35,200 but also long-term folk. Oh yeah. 144 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:40,320 If you keep finding yourself in the middle of a battle and you resolve 145 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,240 it, great. That's wonderful. But it ke Yeah. Yeah. Um, 146 00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:45,880 so we're gonna start going through these, 147 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:52,040 and this is just our thoughts on how we would like to navigate these things. 148 00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:56,320 And it may not be how we've actually navigated them in the past, . 149 00:08:58,340 --> 00:09:02,400 So, okay. The first one, stressful situation number one. Yeah. 150 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:04,840 How would you, like, 151 00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:10,480 how would we like to handle when we individually are around a family member who 152 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:15,320 upsets us, stresses us is a trigger for us because of childhood stuff. 153 00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:19,200 Um, how, how, from, from your perspective, uh, 154 00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:24,040 JB how would you like me to be for you? Show up for you? 155 00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:28,640 Well, um, we actually went through this. 156 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,240 We go through this a lot. . I. 157 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:35,920 Go through this a lot lately. Um, and, 158 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,960 and at one point I actually did, um, 159 00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:42,440 say to you on, on the way there 160 00:09:43,980 --> 00:09:47,680 to where we were gonna be spending a day with one such said family member 161 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:51,920 mm-hmm. . And, um, I, I told you, I said, uh, 162 00:09:52,990 --> 00:09:56,440 baby girl is my submissive. I need, I'm giving you a task 163 00:09:58,260 --> 00:10:02,320 and you know how this person pushes my buttons 164 00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:08,280 and can get me wound up from zero to 60 and mm-hmm. 165 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:12,670 0.2 seconds mm-hmm. . And, um, 166 00:10:13,650 --> 00:10:17,190 if you see me getting wound up and, and getting, 167 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,550 starting to dig my heels in and, and be unreasonable, 168 00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:25,950 I need you to step in and say, Hey, time out. Mm-hmm. . 169 00:10:26,410 --> 00:10:31,190 And I knowing that you can have the best intentions, 170 00:10:31,190 --> 00:10:33,310 and he could give me that permission while things are calm. 171 00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:37,950 And then in the moment when everything is heated and blood pressure is up 172 00:10:37,950 --> 00:10:40,630 mm-hmm. , I could do that and he could reject that, 173 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:45,230 or he might not like the way I did it. So my counter to that was . Okay. 174 00:10:45,250 --> 00:10:48,230 But if I have to get a little pushy or a little forceful, 175 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:51,710 or you don't like what I say in the moment, will you accept what I say? 176 00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:55,710 And we can discuss it later. If something didn't quite go to plan, 177 00:10:55,710 --> 00:10:58,670 like if I'm truly in your face going, whoa, whoa, whoa. Right. Time out, 178 00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:01,750 back off , are you gonna accept that? Right. 179 00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:04,990 Because as the submissive in the relationship Yes. 180 00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:07,710 We have what we call the tough love clause. If you're new here, 181 00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:09,950 it's way back in the archive. Mm-hmm. , 182 00:11:09,950 --> 00:11:13,710 like while episodes were still two digits kind of in the archive. 183 00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:18,310 And that's usually used for illness. Correct. Mental or physical. Yeah. Like, 184 00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:21,390 if you're not taking care of yourself, I step in and go, whoa, whoa, whoa. 185 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,710 This is what needs to happen. Mm-hmm. . Um, but this was a, 186 00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:29,710 a familial situation where I'm not really part of that, that at all. 187 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:34,950 Um, I'm, and I'm looked at by your family members as an outsider, um, yeah. 188 00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:35,450 . 189 00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:40,390 And so what I didn't want to have happen was to follow your directive 190 00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:43,430 and do what you told me to do, but then in the heat of the moment, 191 00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:47,590 have it thrown back at me. And now we are in an argument. 192 00:11:47,770 --> 00:11:50,350 So I did ask for clarification. Um, 193 00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:52,950 and I did kind of use it because you did. 194 00:11:54,070 --> 00:11:58,120 It's one of the few times I'm not objective because you are my priority. 195 00:11:58,140 --> 00:11:59,080 You are the one I love, 196 00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:03,880 but I'm a little bit more objective than somebody who would've known both of you 197 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,360 for let's say 20 years. Yeah. 198 00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:08,920 Because I can kind of see things about some of your family members that you just 199 00:12:08,970 --> 00:12:10,360 can't, you're in the thick of it. 200 00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:15,960 And so I watched your hackles go up and your blood 201 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,073 pressure, 202 00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:21,840 And I felt like I could kind of understand where the family member was coming 203 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,840 from. And I was like, O okay. He gave me permission. I swooped in. 204 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:29,720 And I like negotiated that so that you felt heard, 205 00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:33,840 she felt heard, and then there was kind of a solution at the end. Yeah. 206 00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:36,400 So it did work out, um, from my go ahead. 207 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:41,000 I mean, on, on another aspect of that too was, um, 208 00:12:43,860 --> 00:12:48,140 a trip I had taken back in August. Uh, and, 209 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:53,540 and what helped me there to relieve a lot 210 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:57,100 of the stress was being able to call you mm-hmm. , you know, and, 211 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,900 and text you to be able to vent Yeah. And, and, and get things off, you know, 212 00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:04,660 some things off and mm-hmm. and, and out. Um, 213 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:09,340 rather than just let them kind of sit there and, and, 214 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,020 and fester and, and build. 215 00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:13,660 Yeah. And there's also that fine line. 216 00:13:14,780 --> 00:13:18,580 I will always have your back be in your corner. First and foremost, 217 00:13:18,780 --> 00:13:22,300 I have mm-hmm. not great opinions about your family in general, 218 00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:23,490 which. 219 00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:24,270 Okay. Neither do I. 220 00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:27,220 Right. Which I like. We, we are in a situation, 221 00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:30,940 I have the freedom to feel that way. You do not get upset on their behalf. 222 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,380 You don't have the feeling like only you get to dislike mm-hmm. . 223 00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:36,900 I, I watch myself. I'm not gonna bad mouth anybody, 224 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,180 but I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything . So, you know, 225 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:45,140 in a way it's easy for you to call and vent and me 226 00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:48,540 to go, yeah, you're right. That fucking sucks. But I've also had to learn, 227 00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:53,700 'cause my analytical brain likes to make sense of shit and, you know mm-hmm. 228 00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:56,820 20 years ago, I spent two years focused on psychology. 229 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,340 So I think I know something and I like to like figure that stuff out. 230 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,300 And I've had to learn over the years. 231 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:07,060 That's most of the time is actually not the right time to dissect your family 232 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:11,180 psychologically to you. Yeah. , what you need is for me to go, yeah. 233 00:14:11,290 --> 00:14:14,780 They fucking suck for that shit. And just to let you vent . 234 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,980 And if it ever seems a like the right time to talk about that other part, 235 00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:21,860 then we can Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. 236 00:14:22,010 --> 00:14:24,340 Yeah. One, once, once you know, 237 00:14:24,340 --> 00:14:27,780 you're away from the situation and not having to be in the thick of things, 238 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,500 you know, then, then it's okay to. 239 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:32,980 Kind of Exactly. And I will never be the one who goes, well, 240 00:14:32,980 --> 00:14:34,660 you should be over this by now, or, 241 00:14:34,820 --> 00:14:37,500 I can't believe you're still hanging onto this. Or, why are you still, like, 242 00:14:38,050 --> 00:14:42,060 however he feels he gets to feel for as long as he needs to feel it. 243 00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:43,060 I am the one going, 244 00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:46,660 I think this is something to talk about with your therapist at your next 245 00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:50,780 session, . But I don't, I'm not, 246 00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:54,720 I I don't try to like, push you to like get over it faster or, you know, 247 00:14:54,790 --> 00:14:58,800 even if can see the other family member's side, and sometimes I can. 248 00:14:59,150 --> 00:14:59,983 True. 249 00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:04,880 You being upset in the moment is never the time for me to go by the way. 250 00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:08,680 Uh, that is for another time. And I think that's another way we've, 251 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:13,480 we've navigated it from my perspective. Um, I have like this teeny tiny, 252 00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:18,400 itty bitty little family. If I did not give birth to or marry people there, 253 00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:22,800 it'd be three of us. Um, and they don't really stress me out. Like, 254 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,840 I have one family member that every once in a while will stress me out. Um, 255 00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:30,280 but not to the extent that I'm ranting or raving or like pissed off about 256 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:34,120 anything. It's more of a sigh and an eye roll and then we move on. 257 00:15:34,540 --> 00:15:36,440 So I don't have anything that I, 258 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,120 I think if you just do for me what I do for you, we'll be. 259 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,040 Fine. Yeah. I mean, I, I, I think the biggest thing we had with, 260 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:46,960 with your family, uh, going back a few years ago was when we, 261 00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:51,840 the evil stepdad, when when we used to go to visit and Yeah. Yeah. And, 262 00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:56,440 you know, we kind of had to discuss how we were going to, um, 263 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,160 maintain our DSS on the down low. 264 00:16:00,510 --> 00:16:04,280 Yeah. And that's more of a we're in a vanilla situation. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. 265 00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:08,720 But like the evil stepdad could absolutely get me get, 266 00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:12,360 get my blood pressure up and get me like just ranting, loved, 267 00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:14,480 he was a but button pusher from way back. 268 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,320 I don't count that as we have to navigate. Like, here's, 269 00:16:18,340 --> 00:16:21,000 let me tell you how to navigate that. 'cause we don't navigate at that anymore. 270 00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:26,080 And his, um, IER is, uh, directed at both of us. Yeah. 271 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,360 So we're in it together. So it's like me mm-hmm. , 272 00:16:28,390 --> 00:16:30,920 he's now a non-entity to me. Me, uh, 273 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:35,360 and the family members I do like come to my house, so it's fine. Yeah. 274 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,520 That's true. So , I don't have, I mean, 275 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:41,080 do for me what I do for you and we'll be fine. Yeah. So here's the next one. 276 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,520 And this one's deeply. 277 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,520 Personal. I, I, yeah. I saw that. I, I read ahead and I saw that one. I was. 278 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:47,000 Like, oh, 279 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,320 my stressful situation that anybody who has to earn money in a capitalist 280 00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:51,223 society, 281 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:55,960 will feel the stress of being overwhelmed by your job 282 00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:58,440 or just your career choice profession. Like, 283 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:02,480 we work for ourselves so we don't Yeah. You know, it is and isn't the same, 284 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:07,320 so mm-hmm. , how would you like to navigate that kind of stress? 285 00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:07,760 Oh. 286 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:08,593 Within our power. 287 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,800 Exchange, especially, what do you need from me? 288 00:17:11,220 --> 00:17:14,680 Um, I, I think sometimes, and I'm, 289 00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:16,360 I'm trying to do better at this, 290 00:17:18,260 --> 00:17:22,280 my biggest stress with, with everything is that I do, 291 00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:26,680 um, at certain points become overwhelmed. Mm. 292 00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:28,880 Mm-hmm. . Yes, you do. 293 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:33,560 I, um, there, there's so much going on trying to keep things stuck, 294 00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:38,400 keep up with, with, with, um, you know, inlay orders, 295 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,960 keeping, you know, custom orders, this, that, and 296 00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:48,120 it, it can become overwhelming for me. 297 00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:50,733 And 298 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:56,720 I have a history of holding that overwhelm in. 299 00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:57,960 Until you explode. 300 00:17:58,050 --> 00:17:58,883 Right? Mm-hmm. . 301 00:17:58,940 --> 00:18:00,880 Mm-hmm. . Right. I know , 302 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:05,960 I usually get your explosion all over me. It's sticky. I know . 303 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,153 I know. 304 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:09,463 . 305 00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:15,820 And, and I, I am really trying to do better 306 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,340 at just letting you know, it's like, you know, hey, 307 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,300 I'm in a space where I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now. 308 00:18:24,820 --> 00:18:25,940 I know. And I appreciate that. 309 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,220 I'm trying to do better at not immediately trying to fix it for you, 310 00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:34,020 because it's easy to have all the answers when it's not your overwhelm. Yeah. 311 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,820 And I know that on the rare occasion, you've, I don't think it's intentional. 312 00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:38,100 You've, 313 00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,820 but you've given me a little bit of my own back when I've been overwhelmed. 314 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:44,980 I'm like, this is not fucking helpful. You're just overwhelming me more. Right. 315 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,860 And I do try to remember that in. 316 00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,220 A moment. And, and, and sometimes 317 00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:53,940 more times than not just telling you mm-hmm. that I'm overwhelmed. 318 00:18:53,940 --> 00:18:57,540 Mm-hmm. helps relieve a lot of the overwhelm. Right. 319 00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:58,700 'Cause you're not holding onto it by yourself. Right. 320 00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:02,380 You're not carrying it by yourself. And sometimes it, I enjoy, 321 00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:07,900 I don't enjoy it, but I I appreciate the, the whatever of it you'll say, 322 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:11,860 oh my God, I'm so overwhelmed. And I'm like, yeah, me too. 323 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,220 And we realize, especially 'cause we own our own business mm-hmm. . 324 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:19,860 So that's unique to, I have a job outside of the home versus whatever, 325 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,980 but once you will say you're overwhelmed, 326 00:19:24,010 --> 00:19:26,740 it's way easier for me to say that I'm overwhelmed. 327 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,220 And then when we're in the right head space, 328 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:30,940 and I would prefer we do this always, 329 00:19:31,090 --> 00:19:33,260 sometimes we'll just sit and talk about it together, 330 00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:37,100 either to bitch and vent or to strategize mm-hmm. . 331 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:41,820 But it's sort of the reminder that, oh, wait, I feel that way too. You know? 332 00:19:41,970 --> 00:19:45,980 Yeah. Um, maybe for different reasons in our line of work, 333 00:19:45,980 --> 00:19:47,820 it's always for the same reason. We are overwhelmed. 334 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,260 The the core reason is the same. Yeah. Um, 335 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,780 but getting to just share that with you mm-hmm. 336 00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,820 and there not be judgment and there not be, well, 337 00:19:56,820 --> 00:20:00,060 let me tell you how to fix it. Or Right. Here's why you shouldn't feel that way. 338 00:20:00,090 --> 00:20:02,740 Like, that ne that does not come out of our mouths. Mm-hmm. , 339 00:20:02,740 --> 00:20:04,900 especially when it comes to this. Um, 340 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,060 and then just working through it together, 341 00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:10,140 even if what we have is just a bitch session, 342 00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:13,580 like just 15 minutes of just complaining mm-hmm. , um, the, 343 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,340 the being reminded we're in it together. 344 00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:20,260 Correct it instead of me carrying my overwhelm and you carrying your 345 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:21,500 overwhelm and it crashing us. 346 00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:25,140 We're carrying it together and it feels more bearable. 347 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,020 So, yeah. I'm with you. Um, 348 00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:33,380 I don't know if this is the baby girl in me, . 349 00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:35,003 This thing. 350 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:36,693 I 351 00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:42,190 usually crave when I'm in stress over work stuff. 352 00:20:43,260 --> 00:20:44,093 It's two things. 353 00:20:44,670 --> 00:20:46,270 A diet Coke, , . 354 00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:48,760 Three things. 355 00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:56,040 validation of feeling seen. Right. Because part of it, 356 00:20:56,190 --> 00:21:00,720 from my perspective, both as a service of, and somebody who's just a, 357 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,040 a woman in today's society, um, 358 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:09,160 I don't always feel like the amount of work I take on and the things I take 359 00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:12,160 on are seen at the same level because , 360 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,440 'cause you and I have had these arguments where I end up going, well, yes, 361 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,120 I am also stressed about work too. You are not alone. However, are you also, 362 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:22,120 and then I do my laundry list of the other things I take on. Yeah. 363 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,240 Because at that point I've, 364 00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:28,280 I've tried to like repress my overwhelm and my resentment, 365 00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:30,240 and then it just, it comes out. 366 00:21:30,860 --> 00:21:35,840 So what helps me is when you validate and go, you're right. 367 00:21:35,940 --> 00:21:40,320 You do a lot, you do a lot around here. I'd be overwhelmed too. And, and I, 368 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,320 I want it to be genuine. And the, the times you've said it, it has been genuine, 369 00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:46,320 you'll say things like, I don't know how you do it. 370 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,720 I don't know that I could do it. Mm-hmm. 371 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:52,240 feeling seen in those moments and having the weight that I carry 372 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:56,480 acknowledged, whew. That could be a kink of mine. like, 373 00:21:57,180 --> 00:21:58,960 yes, please. And thank you . Um, 374 00:22:01,230 --> 00:22:05,200 when I get little treats, with not the kind where I'm like, daddy, 375 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,000 will you bring me a treat home? But like, I'm, we are not even talking about it. 376 00:22:08,020 --> 00:22:11,240 I'm just focused. And then you walk in in the door and you're like, here, 377 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,360 I thought of you. I knew this would make you happy. Like, 378 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,640 I thought of you and I knew this would make you happy, wonderful. 379 00:22:17,700 --> 00:22:19,160 In any scenario, 380 00:22:20,180 --> 00:22:24,400 but a high stress thing where you know that I'm barely stopping for lunch. 381 00:22:24,540 --> 00:22:25,800 I'm going from one thing to the next. 382 00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:29,600 I'm navigating how I'm supposed to get all this work done and working on all 383 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,960 these ideas that we've mutually agreed I'm gonna do mm-hmm. 384 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,440 and get a kid to a doctor's appointment and back and, and, and, 385 00:22:35,740 --> 00:22:37,840 and, you know, we've talked about it. 386 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:42,640 There are certain things I could hand off, but we're be, 387 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:44,520 we're doing what we're best suited to. So it's like, 388 00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:46,160 I'm actually best suited to do these things. 389 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:47,560 I wanna continue to do these things. 390 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:52,280 I just need a way to release the pressure. Mm-hmm. 391 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,440 every once in a while. And I am a big old baby girl. 392 00:22:55,580 --> 00:22:57,440 You bring me a Diet Coke, coffee, 393 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:02,680 a something you do a little happy for me. Like that I wasn't thinking about, 394 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,680 wasn't expecting mm-hmm. , whatever, you know, I just, 395 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,920 I feel seen and I think that's what I need when I, 396 00:23:08,150 --> 00:23:10,120 from a professional standpoint, 397 00:23:10,310 --> 00:23:13,320 because so much of it also overlaps family standpoint. Mm-hmm. 398 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:18,160 when I, when what I do is acknowledge man, I am whew. 399 00:23:18,300 --> 00:23:22,400 I'm good. And I, I I think that's, that's a very good point because 400 00:23:24,180 --> 00:23:27,200 we, you know, in our own ways, 401 00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:31,240 we each get wrapped up so much in what we're doing. Mm-hmm. , 402 00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:36,000 it's easy to overlook what the other person is doing. Oh. 403 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,600 Yeah. Especially once you're bogged down and you're stressed out and you're like 404 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,480 Right. Head down and Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's easy. 405 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:43,400 And I know this happens to me, it's easy to think, well, 406 00:23:43,420 --> 00:23:47,000 I'm the only one doing a whole bunch. I'm the only one feeling this way. 407 00:23:47,180 --> 00:23:49,000 I'm the only one going through it. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . 408 00:23:49,060 --> 00:23:51,920 And it goes back to when we, um, 409 00:23:53,150 --> 00:23:57,520 talk about it and then can strategize together. It's a weight off. 410 00:23:57,950 --> 00:24:00,920 Yeah. The feeling seen part is that too. Mm-hmm. . Okay. 411 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,960 This is when we've definitely gone through multiple times Yep. 412 00:24:04,180 --> 00:24:08,840 And have never actually worked it out prior. those times when you're. 413 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,400 And, and, and see, I, I always kind of thought we had. 414 00:24:11,980 --> 00:24:15,080 We never like purposely sat down mm-hmm. , we sometimes, 415 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,320 sometimes it sneaks up on us. And we hadn't even said what it is yet. . 416 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:23,000 Um, and we navigate with our, through our relationship, fine. But we, 417 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:27,080 it's not been a strategy, it's just a thing that worked out well. Yeah. 418 00:24:27,220 --> 00:24:31,800 And that's when one of us is in pain, sick, feeling bad, 419 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,440 whether that's physically or mentally. Um, 420 00:24:34,820 --> 00:24:38,040 and that kind of stressful situation where we're not at our best 'cause we don't 421 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,640 feel our like mm-hmm. . 422 00:24:39,770 --> 00:24:40,360 We're not. 423 00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:41,880 A peak. Anything. Um, 424 00:24:42,420 --> 00:24:46,280 how would you like that stressful situation to be navigated? 425 00:24:47,020 --> 00:24:50,480 Um, you know, to, to a certain extent. Um, 426 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:58,260 you know, there, there, like when you had your surgery, I mean, 427 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,540 we put things in place, you know? Yes. 428 00:25:00,540 --> 00:25:04,220 Knowing that you were gonna be down for X amount of time. Mm-hmm. , 429 00:25:04,220 --> 00:25:07,620 you're gonna be very limited on the things that you could do. Mm-hmm. 430 00:25:07,660 --> 00:25:08,500 , all right. Mm-hmm. 431 00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:10,540 , that was one we could plan for. Right. And that was nice. 432 00:25:10,660 --> 00:25:11,440 I liked that. Yeah. 433 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:15,220 And, and that was, that was very nice. Um, you know, we, 434 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,580 we did plan for it. Our plan 435 00:25:19,260 --> 00:25:20,780 executed fairly well mm-hmm. . 436 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:21,713 Mm-hmm. . 437 00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:26,420 Um, you know, so in, in that instance, I, 438 00:25:26,620 --> 00:25:30,860 I think those things like that, we, and that's why I say to some extent, 439 00:25:31,020 --> 00:25:32,140 I think we've kind of worked. 440 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,260 We do it well, but we there, that's the one offer we could plan for it. Yeah. 441 00:25:36,260 --> 00:25:40,460 What about your motorcycle accident? Yeah. When your back went out? Um, 442 00:25:40,730 --> 00:25:43,540 anytime I've had a migraine, the migraine one. Mm-hmm. , 443 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,420 we had to do trial by fire because I don't tell you it took me years to go, 444 00:25:47,540 --> 00:25:49,700 I have a fucking migraine. I can't even open my eyes. Right. 445 00:25:49,940 --> 00:25:52,260 I would just try to power through 'cause that's what I'd done for years. Mm-hmm. 446 00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:55,060 . But I was snapping and I was cranky, 447 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,940 and I wasn't my best submissive self. And you're like, 448 00:25:57,970 --> 00:25:59,340 what the fuck is going on here? 449 00:25:59,390 --> 00:26:00,780 Right. And then when I, and finally. 450 00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:02,260 I go, my god, my head hurts. 451 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:06,340 And then when I finally did find out what it was, I was like, okay, 452 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,300 you need to go lay down. Right. And. 453 00:26:08,730 --> 00:26:10,020 I'll take care of this. And Right. 454 00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:13,660 Part of that was from years of just not having anybody who would pick up my 455 00:26:13,660 --> 00:26:15,740 slack or could mm-hmm. or that I trusted to do it. 456 00:26:16,090 --> 00:26:19,980 Part of it is just, you know, whatever the, the hurt, the pain, 457 00:26:19,980 --> 00:26:23,340 the discomfort is when you, at that time, I mean, 458 00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:25,620 headaches have been a part of my life since I was a little kid. Yeah. 459 00:26:26,250 --> 00:26:29,940 Once it becomes air, quote normal mm-hmm. , you just like, 460 00:26:29,940 --> 00:26:32,220 if you can, 'cause sometimes you physically am, if you can, 461 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,180 you just get the fuck on with it. Like, you. 462 00:26:34,180 --> 00:26:38,780 Just got shit to do. The, the the worst thing in, in, in our relationship, 463 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:43,600 in our dynamic that we have when one of us gets, you know, 464 00:26:44,110 --> 00:26:48,600 gets suddenly sick. I mean, thankfully for you, um, you know, 465 00:26:48,910 --> 00:26:51,160 your surgery at that time was planned right. 466 00:26:51,260 --> 00:26:52,920 And it went well. No hiccups or. 467 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,320 Anything. Um, you are a fairly healthy individual. Thank, thank you. Right. 468 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:56,800 Knock on. 469 00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,040 Wood. Um, you know, that's, you don't, good luck. You don't, you don't get like, 470 00:27:00,140 --> 00:27:03,720 you know, very sick very often. Um, 471 00:27:04,860 --> 00:27:07,160 you know, so for you it's usually been, you know, 472 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:11,120 a day or two you have a migraine, you know, the next day you kind of have the, 473 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:11,520 the fog. Yeah. And. 474 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,480 The hardest part is me just admitting that I don't feel good and like, 475 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,400 just sitting still, you. 476 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:20,360 Know, as, as far as, um, you know, dealing with the household things, 477 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:25,520 I, I can very easily step in. Right. Because, and I, and I do, you know, 478 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,960 I make sure the boys are fed, I'm fed, we're fed, whatever. 479 00:27:28,260 --> 00:27:29,560 'Cause our power exchange has never, 480 00:27:30,140 --> 00:27:34,360 we did not fit our relationship power exchange or otherwise along stereotypical 481 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,160 societal views of what a man does, what a woman does. Mm-hmm. . 482 00:27:37,220 --> 00:27:42,080 So you are a full partner in this. Really. I want to do certain things myself. 483 00:27:42,090 --> 00:27:46,960 Thank you very much. Um, but yeah, so the thing is, 484 00:27:46,980 --> 00:27:48,640 is that's us jumping in. Yeah. 485 00:27:48,710 --> 00:27:53,040 What is the thing you need when we're in that situation and we couldn't plan for 486 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:54,480 it. Yeah. That's the thing. 487 00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:01,880 I, and I was getting to that , and I, 488 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:06,840 I think the hardest part of that then circles back around 489 00:28:07,220 --> 00:28:08,520 to what we do for work. 490 00:28:09,300 --> 00:28:10,060 Mm. 491 00:28:10,060 --> 00:28:12,960 Mm-hmm. , okay. Mm-hmm. , because we both know 492 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:18,440 I cannot step in and do the things that you do. 493 00:28:18,570 --> 00:28:20,000 Right. And I can't do what you do. 494 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,440 and you can't step in and, and do what I, 495 00:28:22,710 --> 00:28:27,320 when I do when I'm down for the count. Mm-hmm. , um, you know, I, 496 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:31,480 I don't know about you. I I know for me, with, with the accident, 497 00:28:32,420 --> 00:28:35,640 it was tough because, you know, I, 498 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,640 I had to sit there mm-hmm. , I, 499 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,400 I could not do anything until I healed. Mm-hmm. , 500 00:28:41,430 --> 00:28:46,320 same thing with when my back went out, you know, 501 00:28:46,580 --> 00:28:48,880 and, and I wanted to get back out there and work, 502 00:28:48,940 --> 00:28:50,800 but I knew the worst thing I could do. 503 00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:52,460 Right. 504 00:28:52,460 --> 00:28:55,480 Was to do that. And 505 00:28:58,340 --> 00:29:02,520 for me, I guess in that case, what I need the most is, 506 00:29:03,420 --> 00:29:06,000 you know, Hey look, it's gonna be okay. Mm-hmm. . 507 00:29:06,100 --> 00:29:08,240 Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Yep. 508 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,760 I don't need that so much as I need. 509 00:29:14,940 --> 00:29:18,460 I need to be allowed to be worried about work. I need to be, 510 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:22,940 the worst thing that somebody can say to me is, don't worry about it. 511 00:29:23,430 --> 00:29:26,940 Right. Or there's, there's no reason to be stressed. Actually. 512 00:29:26,940 --> 00:29:29,220 There's every reason to be stressed. . 513 00:29:30,010 --> 00:29:30,843 Yeah. Yeah. 514 00:29:31,180 --> 00:29:35,060 'Cause especially in the way our life is set up, if we don't work, 515 00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,940 we don't eat right. We, there's no money coming in if we're not Right. Working. 516 00:29:38,940 --> 00:29:40,900 Right. Mm-hmm. . And that's true for lots of people, 517 00:29:41,100 --> 00:29:42,440 not just business owners, because Sure. 518 00:29:42,580 --> 00:29:45,720 If you work a job that doesn't offer you benefits or paid time off mm-hmm. 519 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,200 , if you don't go to work, your paycheck suffers. Right. Right. 520 00:29:48,380 --> 00:29:50,440 That's, we're not unique in that mm-hmm. . 521 00:29:50,860 --> 00:29:55,600 But I am going to be thinking about all the work that needs to be done. 522 00:29:55,710 --> 00:29:57,040 When I'm finally bullied in, 523 00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:00,440 you can tell how bad I feel by how little I'm thinking about work. 524 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,000 'cause when it's peak badness, I don't give a fuck. 525 00:30:03,180 --> 00:30:06,120 I'm just laying You don't Yeah. Quietly and stuff. Which is unusual for you. 526 00:30:06,230 --> 00:30:07,160 Your mind's always. 527 00:30:07,490 --> 00:30:09,320 Right. But, you know, I don't, 528 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:14,200 I don't like being told not to worry about something that is a valid mm-hmm. 529 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:18,200 worry because then I feel I, I feel invalidated. 530 00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,120 I don't feel seen. Yeah. Um, 531 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,720 I do appreciate you've done this before when I've been down for the count. 532 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,480 When we plan again, it goes back to, to talking and communicating and planning. 533 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:32,760 Yeah. We're like, okay, well how can I help you do something? What do you what? 534 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,240 Mm-hmm. What could I do? And quite frankly, what it ends up being is me going, 535 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,640 actually, could you cook dinner? Actually, 536 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,440 could you take care of this household thing? 537 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:46,400 And I'll focus on business and once we get caught up, then I can, you know, 538 00:30:46,670 --> 00:30:50,440 that kind of thing. Um, or sometimes, uh, 539 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:54,400 I need you to make the decision, okay, we are not recording today. 540 00:30:54,500 --> 00:30:57,720 We are not making that piece of content. We're not working today. 541 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:01,000 You're gonna sit still fine. And that's where I, 542 00:31:01,220 --> 00:31:06,120 I'm grateful that you're the dominant and that 543 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,160 we co-own our business entities because Yeah. 544 00:31:09,220 --> 00:31:12,640 You have full freedom to step in and go, Nope, we're just not doing shit today. 545 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:13,920 Mm-hmm. , but I'll do that for you. 546 00:31:14,030 --> 00:31:16,600 I'll make that call in a heartbeat. You're not well, we're. 547 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,160 Not doing, doing it. You have done that before. Yeah. 548 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:23,280 I can make that call for you when you're sick or your mental health is bad, 549 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,680 or whatever's going on with you. Mm-hmm. , 550 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:27,000 I can make that call for you better than I can make it for myself. 551 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:32,080 I have just the way I've been, I was raised the person I am, whatever it is, 552 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,400 I will do my best to power through until I collapse on the other side. 553 00:31:35,430 --> 00:31:38,840 Yeah. And I, I, I agree with that, and I'm kind of the same way mm-hmm. 554 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,880 , but we, and I think that's the thing we just keep doing, 555 00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:46,520 is allowing the other to go, Hey, wait, no, no. We're gonna, you need. 556 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:48,040 To sit down here still. We're, we're, we're, 557 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,320 we're we are our checks and balances. Yes. 558 00:31:50,660 --> 00:31:54,880 Agreed. Okay. Here's one that we know all too well. . 559 00:31:55,500 --> 00:31:55,720 The. 560 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,440 Next stressful situation. Uh, how would, 561 00:31:58,580 --> 00:32:03,360 how can we navigate as Dom sub on those days when 562 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,640 everything that can go wrong does go wrong? . Damn. 563 00:32:06,660 --> 00:32:08,480 You Murphy, . 564 00:32:09,230 --> 00:32:12,760 I'll say this to the extent that we're able to mm-hmm. 565 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:14,640 keeping our sense of humor. Yeah. 566 00:32:14,870 --> 00:32:18,600 Some days it's just too much shit all at once. Mm-hmm. for me, 567 00:32:18,860 --> 00:32:22,720 it helps when I feel like we're in it together. Like, whatever, 568 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,760 whatever crazy day it's been, whatever stressful things going on, 569 00:32:27,100 --> 00:32:31,960 if I feel like it's happening to us and it's us against the 570 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:35,080 crazy mm-hmm. , then I can keep my sense of humor much better. 571 00:32:35,180 --> 00:32:38,240 And I don't feel alone when it's a thing where I feel like everything's been 572 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:42,760 happening to me. Yeah. Then I'm back to needing outside validation. Right. Like, 573 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,000 you're right. That is fucked up. 574 00:32:44,220 --> 00:32:47,480 And, and, and to a certain extent, I need the same thing. Mm-hmm. , 575 00:32:47,710 --> 00:32:52,240 what I have started to learn about those times when 576 00:32:53,330 --> 00:32:57,040 everything that can go wrong will go wrong and does go wrong. Mm-hmm. 577 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,880 . Mm-hmm. , um, is that 578 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:06,560 I have a history of trying to fight it and power through it and make it 579 00:33:06,730 --> 00:33:10,480 right. Mm-hmm. , and that always does not work. 580 00:33:10,740 --> 00:33:12,400 It often makes it worse. Yes. 581 00:33:12,940 --> 00:33:13,773 Yes. So. 582 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:19,160 I, I have learned that when it gets to that point 583 00:33:19,870 --> 00:33:23,240 that everything is fu barred mm-hmm. , I just need to step back, 584 00:33:23,580 --> 00:33:25,040 lay, lay it down, step back. The. 585 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:28,880 Day is done. Yeah. The day is done. We are, we're ordering takeout. Mm-hmm. 586 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:33,440 , we're like, the bras coming off. Yeah. The PJs are on. 587 00:33:33,770 --> 00:33:36,920 We're done. We're done. Right. The day has won mm-hmm. , 588 00:33:37,170 --> 00:33:42,000 we're gonna go Yeah. Uh, hunker down and try not to get any more on us. Right. 589 00:33:42,500 --> 00:33:45,720 And, and you know, I, I have found that, 590 00:33:46,150 --> 00:33:48,640 that by stepping back mm-hmm. and, 591 00:33:48,660 --> 00:33:52,520 and laying it all down and walking away from it is the best thing I can do 592 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:56,560 because then when I come back to it the next day mm-hmm. , 593 00:33:57,510 --> 00:34:01,760 it's with fresh eyes mm-hmm. mm-hmm. 594 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,240 a quieter mind. Right. Maybe. 595 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:08,640 . Right. And maybe potential solutions have come to you at that point, 596 00:34:08,670 --> 00:34:13,160 because Exactly. You stop trying to force it. Yeah. And you just took, 597 00:34:13,620 --> 00:34:15,040 you rested for a minute mm-hmm. , 598 00:34:15,220 --> 00:34:17,520 and you went and did something like do a complete 180. 599 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:21,360 Like the nights we tend to find ourselves on a couch, just, 600 00:34:22,500 --> 00:34:23,210 you know, 601 00:34:23,210 --> 00:34:27,360 binge watching whatever are those times when we're everything else's gotta shut 602 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,480 the fuck up. Right. It's, it's too much. It's, you know, 603 00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:33,440 I need to be able to turn my brain off for a minute mm-hmm. 604 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,280 and mm-hmm. . Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That, yeah. 605 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,640 I agree with you completely there. I mean, I've, I used to not do it either, 606 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,560 and I've gotten better at going, yeah. That's clearly not happening today. 607 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,120 mm-hmm. , it'll be there tomorrow. 608 00:34:45,230 --> 00:34:46,880 Because nothing that we do 609 00:34:48,570 --> 00:34:51,000 rises to the level of genuine emergency. 610 00:34:51,140 --> 00:34:53,720 We are not operating on people's brains here. 611 00:34:53,780 --> 00:34:58,640 We are not sending people to a moon in a giant like explosive. Right. 612 00:34:58,830 --> 00:35:01,400 Like, nothing we do . 613 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:02,560 is so mission. 614 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,640 Critical that it can't wait till tomorrow. True. 615 00:35:06,470 --> 00:35:06,760 True. 616 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:07,520 True, true. I know. 617 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:12,040 It's very easy to feel like it's the most important thing 618 00:35:12,590 --> 00:35:13,520 ever, ever, ever. 619 00:35:13,710 --> 00:35:18,640 Well, you know. Yeah. Because you know what we do, 620 00:35:18,900 --> 00:35:22,960 we do it ourselves, we do it on our own. So, you know. 621 00:35:24,060 --> 00:35:25,520 Yes. It does feel critical. 622 00:35:26,580 --> 00:35:29,240 And it, in a way it is critical. It is, yeah. It's critical to our goals. 623 00:35:29,310 --> 00:35:31,280 It's critical to what we wanna do in life. 624 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,120 It's critical to the fucked up mess of our life that, 625 00:35:34,140 --> 00:35:36,680 and we're trying to get out of it. Like it's critical to those things, 626 00:35:37,100 --> 00:35:40,800 but it's not so critical that, and I think you and I have over time, 627 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,240 finally come to this point. It's not so critical mm-hmm. 628 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:47,240 that we can't stop and come back to it tomorrow. Yeah. 629 00:35:47,260 --> 00:35:48,400 And put it down for a minute. 630 00:35:48,550 --> 00:35:51,840 Well, you know, there, there, there was this, um, 631 00:35:55,910 --> 00:36:00,610 oh gosh, now I lost my thought. You know? Okay. There, there, 632 00:36:00,610 --> 00:36:05,330 there was always this thought, well, you know, if I, if I don't do it, 633 00:36:05,430 --> 00:36:07,810 the world's gonna come to an end. Right. Kind of thing. You know. 634 00:36:07,830 --> 00:36:09,730 For me it was, somebody's gonna be disappointed in me. Yeah. 635 00:36:09,930 --> 00:36:10,930 Somebody's gonna tell me I did something wrong. 636 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:15,930 Like all my personal insecurities, . But I feel the same way. 637 00:36:15,930 --> 00:36:20,730 And I've, I've gotten this way dealing with the youngest, um, 638 00:36:20,830 --> 00:36:24,130 and school, like right now we're trying to navigate his mental health, 639 00:36:24,220 --> 00:36:27,570 which is mm-hmm. incapacitating him physically in many ways. 640 00:36:28,230 --> 00:36:32,610 And I've got the school like breathing down my neck about the importance of 641 00:36:32,610 --> 00:36:33,570 attendance. And I'm like, 642 00:36:33,930 --> 00:36:38,370 actually the importance of my child's physical and mental wellbeing trumps 643 00:36:38,370 --> 00:36:40,850 sitting in a classroom right now. Right. Like, 644 00:36:40,980 --> 00:36:42,930 there was a time I thought the most, 645 00:36:43,250 --> 00:36:47,530 'cause I ha I I've always had this is the trauma, is that the generational? 646 00:36:47,690 --> 00:36:52,290 I don't know. But if I do everything, quote Right. If I follow the rules, 647 00:36:52,890 --> 00:36:55,570 I don't know, you get a fucking cookie at the end. I don't know, , 648 00:36:55,590 --> 00:36:57,330 but then you, like, you can't get in trouble. Like, 649 00:36:57,330 --> 00:36:59,810 getting in trouble was like the worst thing to me, right? Mm-hmm. . 650 00:36:59,810 --> 00:37:02,410 And it, it's still not my favorite. Okay. I'm this up, 651 00:37:02,430 --> 00:37:05,810 I'm trying to be a good girl over here, but there I hit a point, 652 00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:09,010 like with the kid where I went, 653 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:14,730 your idea you school board entity, right. Bureaucracy. 654 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,970 Yeah. Your idea of what's right is actually harming my kid. 655 00:37:19,510 --> 00:37:23,970 So I'm gonna do something a little different where my main priority in this, 656 00:37:23,990 --> 00:37:25,690 in this scenario is the kid. Mm-hmm. . 657 00:37:26,390 --> 00:37:31,130 And I'm gonna have to follow our own path and it's gonna have to deviate what 658 00:37:31,130 --> 00:37:32,810 you think is right and wrong. Right. 659 00:37:32,810 --> 00:37:36,610 Because I'm taking care of the kid right now and being able to kind of go, 660 00:37:36,610 --> 00:37:39,370 you know what, yeah, you are, you are taking a day off from school, or you know, 661 00:37:39,370 --> 00:37:43,690 what homework didn't get turned in. It's not, it's not the, you know, 662 00:37:43,700 --> 00:37:48,050 worst thing ever. Like, I can do it for others, 663 00:37:48,190 --> 00:37:52,790 but I can't do it for myself. Um, but that's, that's I've, 664 00:37:52,860 --> 00:37:55,790 I've learned by doing it for others, for doing it for the kids, 665 00:37:55,970 --> 00:37:57,550 for doing it for you mm-hmm. 666 00:37:57,590 --> 00:38:00,270 that it's actually often the better option. Yeah. Just, 667 00:38:00,780 --> 00:38:04,230 just walk away from that thing for a minute, just fi mm-hmm. Don't, 668 00:38:05,620 --> 00:38:08,510 It's that whole doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different 669 00:38:08,510 --> 00:38:09,230 result. A different result. Yes. 670 00:38:09,230 --> 00:38:13,350 So if I keep powering through and when I'm peak stress mm-hmm. 671 00:38:13,650 --> 00:38:15,990 I'm just gonna keep fucking it up. And I'm, and I, the, 672 00:38:16,730 --> 00:38:20,590 the frustration is this feedback loop that I can't get out of, 673 00:38:20,690 --> 00:38:24,350 but if I just set it down for a minute and I go, you know what mm-hmm. 674 00:38:24,390 --> 00:38:24,630 , 675 00:38:24,630 --> 00:38:28,990 I don't have to do this right this second because this is not actual brain 676 00:38:28,990 --> 00:38:32,190 surgery and I do not have a human being on the table. Right. 677 00:38:32,750 --> 00:38:34,390 . Yeah. Yeah. 678 00:38:34,780 --> 00:38:39,440 It's kink content. Y'all it's really, you know, 679 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:42,160 that's given me perspective. Yeah. That's what I would say. Mm-hmm. 680 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:43,033 . Okay. 681 00:38:43,060 --> 00:38:46,240 Here's one and then we're gonna get into some specific kink things. 682 00:38:46,300 --> 00:38:51,200 But this one is very personal, it's very recent. The stress, 683 00:38:51,340 --> 00:38:54,840 how we want to handle each other and the stress 684 00:38:56,860 --> 00:39:01,600 of the aftermath of an argument when you're both feeling sensitive, 685 00:39:02,460 --> 00:39:05,400 you know, like last week , or week before. 686 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,360 I don't know what you're talking, I don't know what you're talking about. 687 00:39:08,940 --> 00:39:10,720 And also two months prior to that, when, 688 00:39:10,830 --> 00:39:15,400 when we had that one that we never actually resolved. No. 689 00:39:15,620 --> 00:39:18,800 So I would say, uh, what we need to do is mm-hmm. , uh, 690 00:39:19,700 --> 00:39:21,840 in that aftermath, even when we're feeling sensitive, 691 00:39:22,180 --> 00:39:23,680 we have to fucking resolve it. 692 00:39:23,910 --> 00:39:24,740 Yeah. Because. 693 00:39:24,740 --> 00:39:26,600 All it did was blow up again in our faces. 694 00:39:26,870 --> 00:39:29,040 Come back again. Right. To h Yeah. Which. 695 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,680 We already know that logically, we tell people that all the time. Sure. 696 00:39:32,060 --> 00:39:34,320 But it is a little different when you're living it, you think, oh, 697 00:39:34,390 --> 00:39:36,760 clearly we're over it. It's fine, it's. 698 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:37,920 Fine. It. 699 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:38,753 Was not. 700 00:39:39,070 --> 00:39:39,660 Fine. 701 00:39:39,660 --> 00:39:41,880 No. So how would you like to navigate that? 702 00:39:42,300 --> 00:39:45,240 Um, , 703 00:39:48,700 --> 00:39:50,320 that's a very good question. 704 00:39:54,030 --> 00:39:55,520 Sometimes I think 705 00:39:57,430 --> 00:40:00,960 what you and I would need mm-hmm. and, 706 00:40:01,140 --> 00:40:04,840 and this is how we ended up doing it the last time. You know, we 707 00:40:08,100 --> 00:40:08,933 eat, breathe, 708 00:40:09,430 --> 00:40:14,240 work and sleep within these walls day 709 00:40:14,300 --> 00:40:15,480 in, day out. 710 00:40:16,410 --> 00:40:19,780 Sometimes the only reason we leave is 'cause some child needs to be taken 711 00:40:19,890 --> 00:40:22,060 somewhere. Right. And then we come straight back home. 712 00:40:22,170 --> 00:40:24,340 Yeah. and, and, 713 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:27,940 and what one of the things we did this last time was 714 00:40:30,090 --> 00:40:31,940 like, we got in the car mm-hmm. 715 00:40:31,980 --> 00:40:35,300 and we went and got a coffee 716 00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:41,450 and we went somewhere, went to a park mm-hmm. . And, 717 00:40:41,630 --> 00:40:45,170 and we sat outside in, 718 00:40:45,230 --> 00:40:49,770 in the fresh air and the bright sunlight and, and, and we talked mm-hmm. 719 00:40:49,810 --> 00:40:53,250 , you know, and, and we were out of our environment. And, 720 00:40:53,270 --> 00:40:57,050 and I've said this a a few times, I say, you know, 721 00:40:58,370 --> 00:41:01,930 I find it hard to have, 722 00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,730 have actual downtime here. Mm-hmm. 723 00:41:05,770 --> 00:41:08,850 because there's either work, 724 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:13,730 work that needs to be done or there's something around the house that needs to 725 00:41:13,730 --> 00:41:18,250 be done. Yeah. Alright. Unless there, there is no shortage. No either. 726 00:41:18,350 --> 00:41:20,810 And we're not gonna think too hard about the list of house stuff that we, 727 00:41:20,990 --> 00:41:23,930 we know has to be done and can't get to. 'cause that's a whole other source of. 728 00:41:23,930 --> 00:41:24,763 Stress. Exactly. 729 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:26,930 Home ownership is great. . Yeah. 730 00:41:27,630 --> 00:41:31,250 So, you know, it's, 731 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:35,960 it's very easy to get wrapped up with what's going on within these walls. 732 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,360 There's always something else. 'cause there's always something mm-hmm. 733 00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:43,080 and being able to step outside these walls go to a different 734 00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:47,360 place. Mm-hmm. , I think makes it easier. 735 00:41:48,150 --> 00:41:51,920 Yeah. Yeah. Because yeah. We're, we're pulled out of the immediate, 736 00:41:52,060 --> 00:41:54,320 the other stressors that are constantly around us. Right. 737 00:41:54,700 --> 00:41:58,480 I'm thinking to the moment that got us there though, and I, 738 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:03,600 I have noticed that in the aftermath of most arguments mm-hmm. , 739 00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,280 I approach you first. And, uh, 740 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,280 there's a part of me that wishes it wasn't always like that. 741 00:42:10,340 --> 00:42:14,880 But there's also a part of me that I think it's part of my submissive 742 00:42:15,310 --> 00:42:17,360 self in our power exchange mm-hmm. 743 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:21,440 where I want to approach you 744 00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:24,880 and let you decide the direction. 745 00:42:25,100 --> 00:42:27,760 But there is a risk with that. 746 00:42:27,990 --> 00:42:32,040 There's a slight fear with that because I might approach you and think, okay, 747 00:42:32,060 --> 00:42:36,520 it is time to approach you and you might not be ready for the approach yet. 748 00:42:36,580 --> 00:42:39,640 And my, every time I do it, my fear is, oh God, he could, 749 00:42:39,660 --> 00:42:41,920 he could reject this overture, right? Mm-hmm. , 750 00:42:41,980 --> 00:42:45,560 he might not be at the point I'm at yet and ready to like, 751 00:42:45,740 --> 00:42:48,320 try to talk or try to reconcile. 752 00:42:49,380 --> 00:42:53,640 So I tend to wait way longer than I want to. Like this last time I, 753 00:42:53,700 --> 00:42:56,680 it was like half a day I was kind of ready to go. 754 00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:00,680 I can be right or I can be happy. And it technically we're both right. 755 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:01,720 Like nobody was actually wrong, 756 00:43:01,820 --> 00:43:05,880 but I just want us to like fit back together again. Mm-hmm. . 757 00:43:06,220 --> 00:43:10,880 And it was eight hours of thinking that before I finally went. 758 00:43:11,470 --> 00:43:14,760 Okay. Okay. Um, and it was because , 759 00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:20,760 I knew that we had still been angry with one another and how that had gone down, 760 00:43:23,260 --> 00:43:28,160 um, which is actually gonna be another scenario here in a, in a few. Um, 761 00:43:28,740 --> 00:43:33,560 and I was terrified of that playing out again. Mm-hmm. 762 00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,920 when it was time to go to bed and how our argument would disrupt 763 00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:40,920 our routine. And I went, I gotta go fucking talk to him because I can't, 764 00:43:41,260 --> 00:43:41,880 you can't, 765 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:46,040 I can't have that come up and surprise me that our power exchange routine, 766 00:43:46,180 --> 00:43:50,320 the way we start and end our day will be interrupted 767 00:43:51,230 --> 00:43:55,640 because of this argument without us talking about it. Yeah. Um, I, I, 768 00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,960 for me it was like, I will not be blindsided again because that was, 769 00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,480 I don't use the the word lightly, y'all. I really don't. 770 00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,680 It felt traumatic in the moment. Um, 771 00:44:05,460 --> 00:44:07,200 now the thing I do that, 772 00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:09,520 I don't know how you feel about it 'cause it's what I do. 773 00:44:10,010 --> 00:44:14,440 We've never actually talked about this part of it. I approach you respectfully. 774 00:44:14,710 --> 00:44:19,560 Yeah. But also with no fucks to give true. 775 00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:23,720 I, i come at you. There's nothing meek or mild about me. Mm-hmm. 776 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:28,760 we're absolutely respectful and willing to be told I'm not 777 00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,960 ready to have this conversation. I don't wanna hear it, but I'm, 778 00:44:31,130 --> 00:44:35,600 I'm willing for that. Yeah. But in the, the last one, 'cause I said, okay, 779 00:44:35,660 --> 00:44:39,280 the way this morning when, or yesterday when, or how I, it was the morning. 780 00:44:39,340 --> 00:44:43,760 Mm-hmm. , I was like, I got, I got blindsided with your decisions. 781 00:44:45,060 --> 00:44:47,520 Is that gonna be your decision for tonight when we go to bed? I said, 782 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,760 because if we're gonna go to bed without our routine, 'cause you're still, 783 00:44:51,090 --> 00:44:54,480 we're still angry at one another. Mm-hmm. , I need to know now. 784 00:44:54,550 --> 00:44:57,680 Yeah. I can't wait until we're in the moment. What do you want to do? 785 00:44:58,020 --> 00:45:02,600 And I was very plainspoken, very direct . Um, 786 00:45:02,890 --> 00:45:07,400 there was nothing baby girl here. Like it was. Yeah. No, I did feel submissive. 787 00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,040 'cause I was coming to you and saying, you tell me. Mm-hmm. , 788 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,040 I was not demanding anything other than. 789 00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:15,640 Answers. No, you weren't. And yet , and, and yet when you say that, 790 00:45:15,700 --> 00:45:20,440 you know, you, you come respectfully but with no fucks to give. 791 00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:25,320 I I I have no problem with that because you know, you don't clearly. 792 00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:26,360 'Cause we don't argue. Again, 793 00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,600 it's not a fresh argument by the way I approach you. 794 00:45:28,780 --> 00:45:32,000 No, no, no, no. But you know, you don't, 795 00:45:32,020 --> 00:45:35,800 you don't dance around the subject. No. You know, by the time I, you don't, 796 00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:40,120 you don't give hint, you know, you don't, um, you know, for, 797 00:45:40,180 --> 00:45:43,800 for lack of better terms, I guess the, the best way to say it, you know, um, 798 00:45:44,870 --> 00:45:48,920 it's not like you're vague booking or something like that. Right. 799 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,760 No, no, no, no. You won't be guessing. What the fuck I mean. Right, right, 800 00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:51,880 right. 801 00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:56,840 Right. Which in a, you know, okay, so this is where we stand. 802 00:45:56,870 --> 00:45:59,160 This, you know, let's mm-hmm. , let's move forward. 803 00:45:59,290 --> 00:46:00,480 Let's deal with this. 804 00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:04,440 I know. I was gonna say, the hard part about that is because I don't, 805 00:46:04,550 --> 00:46:06,360 when I approach you, I don't know mm-hmm. 806 00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:07,680 what your reaction will be. 807 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:10,880 I have to harden myself because I have to come to you knowing, 808 00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:14,080 'cause you're the decider, you're gonna make the decision. 809 00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:17,480 I might be asking you, are we maintaining our nighttime routine, 810 00:46:17,890 --> 00:46:21,840 which is very important to both of us. Mm-hmm. . And you might say, 811 00:46:23,060 --> 00:46:25,160 no, I, I can't do it tonight. Mm-hmm. . 812 00:46:25,340 --> 00:46:30,120 And so I have to approach you knowing I could like get my feelings hurt and be 813 00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:33,960 very sad when I walk away. And so what it does is I, I do harden myself again, 814 00:46:34,170 --> 00:46:38,960 respectful, but direct as direct as I know how to be. Yeah. 815 00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:42,320 Which to some people from the outside looking in, we go, well that's not right. 816 00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:43,140 It's not massive. 817 00:46:43,140 --> 00:46:47,480 Now the submissive part is I know that I'm giving you the opportunity to decide. 818 00:46:47,570 --> 00:46:52,320 Right. And I don't air quote this, don't have any control over that. Mm-hmm. 819 00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,080 . Right. So yeah. , 820 00:46:55,710 --> 00:46:59,560 this one makes me . This one's too fresh. , 821 00:46:59,710 --> 00:47:02,960 this one's too fresh. Uh, 822 00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:08,280 'cause that last time was difficult. Yeah. It was necessary. 'cause we did the, 823 00:47:08,460 --> 00:47:11,760 the mini resolution that night where we were speaking to one another again. 824 00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:15,600 Mm-hmm. , we agreed to go through our evening routine. Excuse me. 825 00:47:16,100 --> 00:47:19,080 Um, we even kind of were able to joke with one another, 826 00:47:19,820 --> 00:47:22,400 but there was still a standoffishness. 827 00:47:24,340 --> 00:47:27,480 Oh goodness. I'm glad that wasn't, excuse me directly into the. 828 00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,200 Microphone . That's why I kind of tried to back away a little. 829 00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:31,033 Bit. Um, 830 00:47:32,380 --> 00:47:36,450 the thing I've noticed about me, 831 00:47:36,750 --> 00:47:39,450 and I don't know if you've noticed it about me or if I'd already started making 832 00:47:39,450 --> 00:47:42,610 this sort of change before I met you. Um, 833 00:47:43,260 --> 00:47:47,890 there was a time where what I would've wanted to do 834 00:47:48,070 --> 00:47:50,570 is to reconcile as quickly as possible mm-hmm. , 835 00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:54,330 even if it meant that I gave up. 836 00:47:56,930 --> 00:48:00,770 I don't know how best to say this. Sometimes I'm fucking right in our argument. 837 00:48:00,770 --> 00:48:01,310 Like I, 838 00:48:01,310 --> 00:48:05,850 I'm making points and I know that I deserve to have those points acknowledged 839 00:48:05,850 --> 00:48:07,730 and heard. Right? Yeah. Um, 840 00:48:08,710 --> 00:48:13,530 and there was absolutely a time I would have just fallen on my own 841 00:48:13,540 --> 00:48:17,530 sword, so to speak, just to reconcile. So you, 842 00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:19,770 like a partner would be happy with me again mm-hmm. 843 00:48:19,810 --> 00:48:22,210 so that the conflict would go away so that the, 844 00:48:22,230 --> 00:48:26,170 my yucky feelings about being in conflict would go away. 845 00:48:27,730 --> 00:48:29,570 I don't feel like I do that anymore. 846 00:48:30,250 --> 00:48:32,490 I do make the fir tend to make the first overture. 847 00:48:33,430 --> 00:48:37,890 I'm willing and as prepared as I can be for you to reject that 848 00:48:37,890 --> 00:48:41,610 overture. Um, and I have learned, 849 00:48:41,650 --> 00:48:44,530 I don't need to have resolution that night, 850 00:48:45,550 --> 00:48:50,530 but I will not if I feel like if I've come to the conclusion that no, the, 851 00:48:50,630 --> 00:48:54,130 the points that were being made need to be dealt with. We need to like mm-hmm. 852 00:48:54,170 --> 00:48:58,810 talk about, you know, why one upset the other, 853 00:48:58,810 --> 00:49:01,050 however that ended up going. Um, 854 00:49:01,450 --> 00:49:06,410 I don't make it kind of make it all go away just so we can be 855 00:49:06,410 --> 00:49:09,010 happy together. Yeah, no, I will. 856 00:49:09,430 --> 00:49:12,810 But I will joke with you and try to pull out some humor and find our common, 857 00:49:12,950 --> 00:49:17,330 our footing again this last time. And I, you know, I don't think you can, 858 00:49:18,260 --> 00:49:22,770 we're strategizing here and I do think there's value and importance in 859 00:49:22,770 --> 00:49:25,810 strategizing known issues that are just gonna come up like mm-hmm. 860 00:49:25,850 --> 00:49:27,050 with certainty. 861 00:49:27,050 --> 00:49:29,410 These kinds of issues are gonna come up in any relationship, 862 00:49:30,270 --> 00:49:33,650 but you can't plan it out like step by step at this time. 863 00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:37,250 This will happen on this day this, so in this case, 864 00:49:38,550 --> 00:49:41,970 we semi resolved it to the point we were at least speaking to one another, 865 00:49:42,250 --> 00:49:44,650 I guess Yes. So that we could go to bed. Right. 866 00:49:45,110 --> 00:49:49,290 And it wasn't until the next day that I felt more comfortable. 867 00:49:49,450 --> 00:49:53,730 I felt like you were more comfortable and then we could be more of ourselves. 868 00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:58,730 Correct. But still with a bit of like unresolved distance mm-hmm. . 869 00:49:59,150 --> 00:50:01,810 And for me, that's a huge change. 870 00:50:01,980 --> 00:50:06,730 There was absolutely a time when whatever I had to do to make this 871 00:50:06,930 --> 00:50:09,450 conflict go away, I would do, I would act like it didn't matter. 872 00:50:09,650 --> 00:50:12,490 I would pretend that I was happy. I would, you know, I would, 873 00:50:12,530 --> 00:50:16,730 I don't have memories of being the type to forgive bad behavior in that, 874 00:50:17,350 --> 00:50:19,690 in the way of going, oh, it doesn't matter that that happened. 875 00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:23,210 Like it definitely still mattered mm-hmm. . But I would kind of go, 876 00:50:23,630 --> 00:50:26,770 it matters, but I'm gonna move on. Um, 877 00:50:27,540 --> 00:50:29,200 and often that was to my detriment, 878 00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:33,000 it was stuff I should not have moved on from. Yeah. In this case, 879 00:50:33,900 --> 00:50:38,760 we absolutely had hard conversations about who was fucking up where and how and 880 00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:41,200 how that made each of us feel. Mm-hmm. . Um, 881 00:50:42,500 --> 00:50:47,040 and that, the time that we did that in that immediate aftermath, 882 00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:50,280 I think was important. I think the thing I've learned, 883 00:50:50,300 --> 00:50:54,040 and I think you and I kind of have done do this together pretty consistently. 884 00:50:54,540 --> 00:50:59,120 We are firm and direct, but we try to still be kind. Yeah. Like, 885 00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:00,680 I'm not sugarcoating shit. Right. 886 00:51:00,740 --> 00:51:03,000 But I'm not gonna call you a bastard or something. 887 00:51:03,190 --> 00:51:05,400 Like, well, yeah, no, no, no. And, and, 888 00:51:05,700 --> 00:51:09,200 and I would not do the same thing to you in, in that respect. Right. I mean, 889 00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:13,800 that, that's something, uh, that is extremely important to me, uh, 890 00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:18,200 because of, of past relationships. Mm-hmm. , you know mm-hmm. 891 00:51:18,240 --> 00:51:22,480 . And I often told you I, you know, you can say anything you 892 00:51:24,190 --> 00:51:27,240 feel you need to say, just do so respectfully, you know? Right. 893 00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:30,160 We're not gonna call each other names. We're not gonna No, you know, 894 00:51:30,940 --> 00:51:34,160 dredge up past things that happened and mm-hmm. , you know, 895 00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:34,993 that's not. 896 00:51:35,210 --> 00:51:39,320 Being that direct is still even after I'm mid forties, it's mm-hmm. 897 00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:42,080 still a relatively new skill though. 898 00:51:42,470 --> 00:51:46,600 Childhood was spent having all, every emotion and feeling, in fact, 899 00:51:46,870 --> 00:51:50,320 like negated and invalidated first, 900 00:51:51,010 --> 00:51:54,760 first marriage was me bringing up the issues, 901 00:51:55,380 --> 00:51:58,840 but the only time I could get anybody to hear me or pay attention mm-hmm. 902 00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:03,280 was when I was, you know, acting batshit crazy and going off, 903 00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,720 flying off the handle, which then got my 904 00:52:07,290 --> 00:52:11,440 valid problems and cri criticisms negated because it's like, oh, 905 00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:12,920 well you're shrieking. And, 906 00:52:13,700 --> 00:52:16,720 and so like with you over the past decade, 907 00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:19,560 I have gained the confidence mm-hmm. 908 00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:22,000 and the security to know I can, 909 00:52:22,240 --> 00:52:24,840 I can tell you when you done fucked up. Right, . That's true. 910 00:52:25,140 --> 00:52:25,973 That's true. 911 00:52:26,100 --> 00:52:31,080 And the thing I appreciate about you is that even when you 912 00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:33,320 don't like to hear it, you face it head on. 913 00:52:33,590 --> 00:52:38,440 I've not once in the heat of an argument and like the battle 914 00:52:38,730 --> 00:52:42,600 we're when woo, neither of us is at our best. No, no. You might go, 915 00:52:42,700 --> 00:52:46,520 that's not true, but that's your anger talking. Right. Once we're to this part, 916 00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:48,080 the aftermath where we're still like, 917 00:52:48,150 --> 00:52:50,880 it's tender and we're not sure quite where we stand, 918 00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:52,680 but we know we're not arguing anymore. Mm-hmm. , 919 00:52:53,240 --> 00:52:58,080 I can tell you to your face that was wrong and you will own it. 920 00:52:58,940 --> 00:53:03,560 And man, that's a breath of fresh fucking air. . You know, , 921 00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:08,840 I don't tend, I don't know if you noticed this and I know it's the trauma. Um, 922 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:11,760 I don't tend to have to be told I was wrong. I'm usually the one to tell you, 923 00:53:11,790 --> 00:53:13,400 okay, here's where I know I done fucked up. 924 00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:17,000 'cause I've already gone over this 85 million times in my brain before I finally 925 00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:21,760 talk to you. Um, also, I need to say it first so that mm-hmm. , 926 00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,400 you can't criticize me, I'll criticize me for you. Yeah. 927 00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:29,200 I'll admit to my wrongdoings because if you criticize me, there's the, 928 00:53:29,220 --> 00:53:32,040 the little kid in me who, you know, childhood trauma mm-hmm. 929 00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:35,440 and also the baby girl who just wants to be your good girl. Like, 930 00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,760 if you criticize me and tell me what I did wrong, I will crumble. 931 00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:42,160 I will be like, I will not be able to function. 932 00:53:42,300 --> 00:53:46,520 But if I tell you that I know what I did wrong and I own it, and you go, yep. 933 00:53:46,660 --> 00:53:47,640 Yep. You're right, you're right. 934 00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:52,040 And you don't have anything else to critique me with, then we can move forward, 935 00:53:52,140 --> 00:53:55,160 and I'm sure I need therapy for that. But , well, 936 00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:57,000 I think it works for right now. Mm-hmm. 937 00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:58,160 . Yep. 938 00:53:59,190 --> 00:54:03,160 Okay. Now, those are all very common things, uh, therapy. 939 00:54:03,230 --> 00:54:05,080 Jeff had a lot more than that. Yeah. 940 00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:07,440 So feel free to watch as reel and go through that list. 941 00:54:07,860 --> 00:54:12,560 Now we're gonna get into three speci, kink, power exchange specific ones. Okay. 942 00:54:12,820 --> 00:54:13,653 Uh. 943 00:54:13,940 --> 00:54:18,120 Things you and I have absolutely fucking gone through, but I do, and we have, 944 00:54:18,210 --> 00:54:20,640 we've navigated them and we're fine, clearly. Mm-hmm. , 945 00:54:21,780 --> 00:54:25,200 but I do think they're important to at least touch on before you ever find 946 00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:27,360 yourself in this situation, . Or if you, 947 00:54:27,660 --> 00:54:30,320 if you found yourselves in these situations and you're like, 948 00:54:30,660 --> 00:54:34,480 we maybe could have handled that better, touch on them now, like mm-hmm. 949 00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:35,840 , while things are calm. Here's the first one. 950 00:54:36,150 --> 00:54:36,983 Okay. 951 00:54:37,700 --> 00:54:40,200 The dominant makes a decision 952 00:54:41,710 --> 00:54:45,720 that this submissive fundamentally disagrees with. Like, 953 00:54:45,860 --> 00:54:49,480 to their core. I think you're so fucking wrong for this. 954 00:54:50,020 --> 00:54:52,520 And it creates tension. Mm-hmm. . 955 00:54:52,700 --> 00:54:55,440 So you've been on that receiving end where you've made a decision, and I'm like, 956 00:54:55,820 --> 00:54:59,440 that's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard in my goddamn life. . 957 00:54:59,500 --> 00:55:02,320 So from your perspective is the dom. 958 00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:03,400 She says with respect. 959 00:55:03,450 --> 00:55:04,360 Right? Yeah. Yeah. 960 00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:09,440 I say it in my head and my facial expression says it for me. But the, 961 00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,120 I I use a respectful term mm-hmm. from your, 962 00:55:12,350 --> 00:55:17,000 from the Dom's perspective of knowing that you've decided something that I am 963 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:21,640 like, fuck that shit. Um, and it's caused a stress. Yeah. Um, 964 00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:24,880 a tension between us. What, what do you need in that moment? 965 00:55:25,020 --> 00:55:27,480 How do you want to navigate that? 966 00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:32,680 I, I think in, in moments like that, especially when you have such a visceral, 967 00:55:33,620 --> 00:55:35,080 uh, reaction, 968 00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:42,920 I think in those moments, what I need to do, I need to be able to step back and, 969 00:55:43,060 --> 00:55:46,040 and kind of think about what's going on. Mm-hmm. and, 970 00:55:46,140 --> 00:55:50,400 and just have some, you know, just gimme some time to think about things here. 971 00:55:50,590 --> 00:55:52,760 What, what's, you know, what's going on. 'cause. 972 00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:55,080 Typically, even when I don't fully agree with you, 973 00:55:55,090 --> 00:55:59,040 we're usually on the same page and I can kind of go along Yeah. And be like, 974 00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:01,320 well, let's see how this plays out. Mm-hmm. , if I'm, 975 00:56:01,380 --> 00:56:05,480 if I was right and he was wrong, I'll let him know. , oh God. , 976 00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:06,953 . 977 00:56:07,460 --> 00:56:10,040 But you know, if, if you, you know, and, 978 00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:14,480 and I'm talking about me because I know how I am, you know, 979 00:56:14,660 --> 00:56:17,400 if you keep coming at me mm-hmm. mm-hmm. , if you, 980 00:56:17,420 --> 00:56:20,400 you keep, you know mm-hmm. , this is wrong, this is wrong. Right. 981 00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,520 If you keep, I'm just gonna dig my heels in, unfortunately. Right. 982 00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:25,400 And you're not gonna even consider another option. 983 00:56:25,450 --> 00:56:29,240 Right now. Right. So, you know, allowing me to step back and, 984 00:56:29,340 --> 00:56:30,720 and have that moment to 985 00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:34,730 kind of think things over mm-hmm. , 986 00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:37,930 that is the best thing to do for me. , I. 987 00:56:38,290 --> 00:56:39,450 I agree from experience, 988 00:56:39,870 --> 00:56:43,650 the one thing I've noticed is sometimes when you're digging your heels in, 989 00:56:44,030 --> 00:56:46,810 and we can both sense it, I'll, I have said in the past, 990 00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:51,050 I'll say something like, you and I are usually pretty in step with one another. 991 00:56:51,050 --> 00:56:53,090 Mm-hmm. , what is it about this that, 992 00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:54,930 that we can't come together on? 993 00:56:55,190 --> 00:56:56,930 We can't find that common ground. Right? Yeah. 994 00:56:57,150 --> 00:57:01,730 So what I need from you is for you to 995 00:57:01,730 --> 00:57:03,610 acknowledge that I disagree with you, man. 996 00:57:03,610 --> 00:57:07,050 Validation is so fucking important to me. , , Uh, 997 00:57:07,130 --> 00:57:10,410 I should get a therapist. Anyway. Um, I need you to acknowledge that, 998 00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:15,450 that even if you don't see my perspective or agree with my perspective, 999 00:57:15,450 --> 00:57:17,810 that my perspective is valid. Mm-hmm. , um, 1000 00:57:18,090 --> 00:57:22,650 I need you to say clearly, I'm, let me step back. Let me give this more thought. 1001 00:57:22,650 --> 00:57:25,730 You've done that before. Yeah. I cannot remember what the situation was anymore. 1002 00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:27,930 Yeah. But there was something that you were like, 1003 00:57:27,930 --> 00:57:29,570 this is what I think we should do, and I'm over here going, 1004 00:57:29,790 --> 00:57:32,690 that's the dumbest fucking shit I've ever heard. . I didn't say that, 1005 00:57:32,910 --> 00:57:36,130 but this face, that's what you absolutely communicated. 1006 00:57:36,130 --> 00:57:38,170 That communicated that. Yeah. Yeah. And. 1007 00:57:38,170 --> 00:57:42,770 When you realized that I was not immediately going, okay. Okay. That's fine. 1008 00:57:43,350 --> 00:57:47,170 You said, okay, let me, let me give this some more thought. 1009 00:57:47,550 --> 00:57:50,490 Let me gimme some more time with this. Right? Mm-hmm. , um, 1010 00:57:51,230 --> 00:57:55,610 we do avoid this often by looking at 1011 00:57:56,370 --> 00:57:57,170 multiple, multiple, 1012 00:57:57,170 --> 00:58:01,650 when we can multiple solutions and de air quote this word, 1013 00:58:01,890 --> 00:58:04,370 debating Yeah. The merits of each solution, 1014 00:58:04,550 --> 00:58:08,570 and then just negotiating our way to find, like, I can live with this, 1015 00:58:08,630 --> 00:58:10,050 you can live with that. Mm-hmm. , like, 1016 00:58:10,050 --> 00:58:13,610 we might each have our perfect option in mind, 1017 00:58:14,550 --> 00:58:18,090 but there's usually a middle ground where we're both willing to give up a little 1018 00:58:18,090 --> 00:58:22,050 bit to get something that we can kind of both live with. Right. Um, I, 1019 00:58:22,290 --> 00:58:25,370 I really did mean it when I said that. I sometimes sit back and go, well, I, 1020 00:58:25,570 --> 00:58:28,690 I think he's fundamentally wrong. I'm just gonna let him be wrong. 1021 00:58:29,670 --> 00:58:34,570 And when we have the proof that he's wrong, I will politely swoop it and go, 1022 00:58:34,590 --> 00:58:37,450 can we try it this way? Now? Now, I don't think we've, 1023 00:58:37,570 --> 00:58:42,090 I think maybe once in 10 years did we genuinely 1024 00:58:42,370 --> 00:58:47,330 disagree, and I went, I'll follow him. And we came back around You, you, 1025 00:58:47,870 --> 00:58:50,090 you're humble enough mm-hmm. That you were like, 1026 00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:52,250 that didn't go the way I planned. Let's try your. 1027 00:58:52,250 --> 00:58:53,930 Way. It didn't work out the way I Right. . Yeah. 1028 00:58:54,430 --> 00:58:55,130 But you know what, 1029 00:58:55,130 --> 00:58:59,210 I really think part of the reason we avoid this now after all these years is 1030 00:58:59,210 --> 00:59:02,490 because we've gone through those moments where I sat back and went, 1031 00:59:02,790 --> 00:59:05,210 I'm following his lead. That was, that's what we're doing here. Mm-hmm. 1032 00:59:05,250 --> 00:59:08,010 and it, the world didn't end. Right. Right. 1033 00:59:08,710 --> 00:59:11,570 And we've had the times where you were like, powering through, 1034 00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:14,370 this is my decision. It wasn't the right one. 1035 00:59:15,310 --> 00:59:18,650 You followed not my lead, but like my suggestion and it worked out. 1036 00:59:18,750 --> 00:59:23,360 So we now have the experience of knowing that if one of us has fully dug in 1037 00:59:24,100 --> 00:59:27,240 and the other one's over here waving a red flag going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 1038 00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:31,600 whoa, whoa. What the fuck? Neither. Like, we need to back up a little bit. 1039 00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:33,840 We need to come find the compromise again. Mm-hmm. . Um, 1040 00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:39,000 I do like that the way we tend to make decisions 1041 00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:42,000 together, probably 95% of the time, 1042 00:59:42,300 --> 00:59:45,480 is you and I both acknowledge what the issue is. Mm-hmm. , 1043 00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:48,760 I go off and find the solutions I bring. 1044 00:59:49,060 --> 00:59:52,200 The solutions I think are viable to you. Yeah. 1045 00:59:52,420 --> 00:59:54,200 And most of the time you're gonna pick one of them. Well, 1046 00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:57,080 if they're the solutions I came up with, I can live with all of 'em. Right. 1047 00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:02,040 , but you've done that too. You've seen a thing and gone, okay, we've, 1048 01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:04,360 we've gotta deal with this. Let me bring multiple options. 1049 01:00:04,420 --> 01:00:06,240 And they're the ones you can live with mm-hmm. . 1050 01:00:06,240 --> 01:00:10,680 And so then if I find something that I can get on board with out of the 1051 01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:14,080 solutions you've figured out. Right. It's, you've already, you're already, 1052 01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:17,160 you've already done the work of I can live with any of these. Yeah. 1053 01:00:17,220 --> 01:00:21,960 So then we don't have that push and pull of you made a decision 1054 01:00:22,020 --> 01:00:24,720 and I don't agree with it at all. Mm-hmm. to me, 1055 01:00:25,300 --> 01:00:29,240 if you're in a dynamic like that where the dom is making these decisions and the 1056 01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:32,160 submissive is constantly fighting them, there's a few potential things going on. 1057 01:00:32,300 --> 01:00:33,920 One, or there's some, 1058 01:00:34,110 --> 01:00:37,520 some issues on the submissive side that probably need to be worked through, 1059 01:00:37,900 --> 01:00:40,280 you know, bad tapes from previous relationships. Mm-hmm. , 1060 01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:43,400 trauma from childhood, something that's making you resistant. 1061 01:00:43,940 --> 01:00:47,400 Is it an incompatibility? You fundamentally want different things. 1062 01:00:47,580 --> 01:00:49,280 And so when the dom's like, this is what we're doing, 1063 01:00:49,580 --> 01:00:51,960 the sub's like no the fuck we're not. Yeah. Uh, 1064 01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:56,760 or is it the wrong type of dynamic where you want something more 1065 01:00:57,000 --> 01:01:02,000 collaborative and less dictator? Um, because we are very collaborative. Yeah. 1066 01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:04,400 You're gonna, you're gonna make the ultimate decision. 1067 01:01:04,460 --> 01:01:06,480 But not before you've heard me out. True. 1068 01:01:06,580 --> 01:01:09,320 And I think the one or two times I've gotten upset with you over decision is 1069 01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:10,200 when I didn't feel heard. 1070 01:01:10,620 --> 01:01:14,880 So if I can feel heard and I can understand your thinking, 1071 01:01:16,290 --> 01:01:17,520 ta-da. I can, 1072 01:01:17,910 --> 01:01:21,960 because ultimately part of being submissive is letting you take the fucking 1073 01:01:21,960 --> 01:01:24,360 lead. And then sometimes that means you're gonna make a decision. 1074 01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:28,080 And I'm over here like, okay, let's just see how this goes, 1075 01:01:29,340 --> 01:01:30,173 uh, . 1076 01:01:31,540 --> 01:01:35,200 But you're humble enough to have realized that sometimes I'm right and if I'm 1077 01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:38,880 right, you'll, you'll just let me be. Right. Every once in a while, whatever. 1078 01:01:39,330 --> 01:01:43,960 We've established that it is more often than that. Okay. 1079 01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:46,520 Here's one that is extremely common. Mm-hmm. , 1080 01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:49,720 but it can absolutely cause stress. Yeah. In the aftermath. Mm-hmm. 1081 01:01:49,760 --> 01:01:53,880 , your kinking goes wrong. Yep. It happens. Oh. 1082 01:01:53,900 --> 01:01:55,880 Now part of this is, this is a little too generic. 1083 01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:59,320 'cause there's so many reasons why a kinking can go wrong. It can be just a, 1084 01:01:59,660 --> 01:02:03,000 an error. Like a, an oopsie, I'm human, made a mistake. Mm-hmm. , 1085 01:02:03,300 --> 01:02:04,920 it can be a, 1086 01:02:05,860 --> 01:02:10,200 the communication signals weren't clear and somebody went too far. 1087 01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:13,480 'cause they like, weren't they got in like, oh God, 1088 01:02:13,900 --> 01:02:17,960 it can be that a piece of equipment broke and all of your kinky dreams died. 1089 01:02:17,990 --> 01:02:20,760 Died. 'cause you can't be doing that thing you wanna be doing. Mm-hmm. 1090 01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:24,400 . So there's lots of reasons for a kink scene to go wrong. Yes. 1091 01:02:24,860 --> 01:02:28,280 And not, we've had kink scenes go wrong and we were not stressed out about it. 1092 01:02:28,420 --> 01:02:31,840 We left. That's Lola dreaming by the tripod. Oh, yeah. Okay. Um, 1093 01:02:32,140 --> 01:02:36,520 and we've laughed it off because it was not a stressful thing. Right. 1094 01:02:36,660 --> 01:02:39,800 But in those few times where like the stress gets, 1095 01:02:40,140 --> 01:02:42,480 the tension goes up because the scene went wrong, 1096 01:02:43,230 --> 01:02:45,600 what do you need to help navigate that? 1097 01:02:46,100 --> 01:02:46,933 Um, 1098 01:02:52,380 --> 01:02:55,840 I'm not really sure. Um, 1099 01:02:58,280 --> 01:03:02,320 I mean, the one time that, that to me, things did, 1100 01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:08,640 excuse me, did go south, so to speak, um, 1101 01:03:12,740 --> 01:03:15,040 was a time when I ended a scene 1102 01:03:18,540 --> 01:03:23,460 and, and you did, you know, you were just like, 1103 01:03:24,650 --> 01:03:28,660 okay, I, I understand why you are doing this. It's okay, we'll, 1104 01:03:28,660 --> 01:03:29,620 we'll try again later. 1105 01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:34,420 So was it a moment where you thought there might be tension? 1106 01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:39,220 And so that got you a little stressed out and, but then I was like, oh, mm-hmm. 1107 01:03:39,260 --> 01:03:40,340 , well, I'm following your, you ended it. 1108 01:03:40,340 --> 01:03:41,860 And that makes sense to me. Yeah. That's, 1109 01:03:41,860 --> 01:03:43,420 that comes down to a communication thing. Mm-hmm. , 1110 01:03:43,420 --> 01:03:45,060 if you were just in the middle of a scene, 1111 01:03:45,060 --> 01:03:48,100 when I think things are going well just to stop it and we never talk about it, 1112 01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:51,260 that's gonna create tension for me and be like, what the fuck's going on? Yeah. 1113 01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:56,380 Um, but if you're like, I stopped this. You know, sometimes you have to like, 1114 01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:59,940 get out of the equipment. You have to like, move away from where you're at. 1115 01:03:59,940 --> 01:04:02,860 Mm-hmm. , there's might be some time between stop seeing, 1116 01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:07,540 get to have a conversation, but as long as there's always a conversation, like, 1117 01:04:07,560 --> 01:04:10,260 I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt from the time you stop the scene 1118 01:04:10,270 --> 01:04:12,780 until the time you talk to me, I'm gonna be like, there's a reason. 1119 01:04:12,900 --> 01:04:15,380 I don't know. Right. That's the trust between us, right? Mm-hmm. , 1120 01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:20,180 that's also the, you're the decider. You, you get to drive this scene. 1121 01:04:20,370 --> 01:04:22,980 Yeah. I'm in the car with you, you know? Mm-hmm. 1122 01:04:23,020 --> 01:04:25,260 just as a passenger princess most of the time. 1123 01:04:25,260 --> 01:04:28,660 Let's be real . Um, I'm not, 1124 01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:32,380 I'm I'm there. You're doing all the work. Um, 1125 01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:37,900 but there have been times I can think of one where I desperately wanted you to 1126 01:04:37,900 --> 01:04:40,500 keep going. I was fucking in it. Mm-hmm. , 1127 01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,100 but I had lost the ability to speak , 1128 01:04:44,540 --> 01:04:49,220 A layer of subspace where my, my brain was there. Or I thought it was the. 1129 01:04:49,220 --> 01:04:51,100 Brain and mouth lost connection. Yeah. 1130 01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:55,500 And I like, it was getting hot. It was getting dark, 1131 01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:56,700 it was getting good. 1132 01:04:57,660 --> 01:04:58,493 . 1133 01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,100 But because I could not communicate, answer. 1134 01:05:01,100 --> 01:05:01,933 You. Right. 1135 01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:06,420 Oh, and you stopped it. And that was such a letdown even then, though, 1136 01:05:06,420 --> 01:05:09,620 it was not a tense moment mm-hmm. , it was more of a, 1137 01:05:09,940 --> 01:05:13,620 I was more upset with myself because it was like, ugh, 1138 01:05:13,910 --> 01:05:18,120 brain mouth work together in tandem. Please. Thank you. Yeah. Um, 1139 01:05:18,620 --> 01:05:20,200 and that, I know for me, 1140 01:05:20,260 --> 01:05:24,520 and I think this might be something that other submissives or bottoms might 1141 01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:26,640 experience, I'm sure Doms and Tops do in their own way, 1142 01:05:26,780 --> 01:05:31,520 but just different sides of the slash if I feel like I have let you 1143 01:05:31,590 --> 01:05:34,640 down in a scene, it didn't get to go the way we plan. 1144 01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:38,120 I had to safe word out. Uh mm-hmm. In that case, 1145 01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:41,280 I was out in space and once I can't communicate, 1146 01:05:41,300 --> 01:05:44,480 we can't keep singing 'cause that's not safe, like all of those things. 1147 01:05:44,500 --> 01:05:49,160 But if I feel like I've let you down, that is very stressful to me now, 1148 01:05:49,460 --> 01:05:51,880 10 years in, I that's, it's rare. 1149 01:05:52,100 --> 01:05:56,760 It is so rare for me to feel that way in any situation anymore because we just 1150 01:05:56,760 --> 01:05:59,160 been together long enough, communication's good enough. 1151 01:05:59,580 --> 01:06:01,640 But in those times where I felt like I have let you down, 1152 01:06:02,620 --> 01:06:03,960 the thing I need is validation. 1153 01:06:04,180 --> 01:06:07,480 The thing I need is I need to hear I'm a good girl and you're happy. 1154 01:06:07,540 --> 01:06:11,080 And this is, you know, what I like is you don't qualify things in the moment. 1155 01:06:11,100 --> 01:06:15,400 You don't go, this wasn't what I, we planned for. But like, you never do that. 1156 01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:18,520 You go, this was good for me. It needed to end. Mm-hmm. , 1157 01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:23,000 it was good for me later, closer her back on, I'm in my right mind. 1158 01:06:23,150 --> 01:06:25,200 Yeah. Then we can talk about. 1159 01:06:26,130 --> 01:06:27,280 Right, right, right. But. 1160 01:06:27,280 --> 01:06:29,160 In the moment, if I think I am the reason, 1161 01:06:29,300 --> 01:06:32,200 or I know I'm the reason the scene has stopped early, 1162 01:06:32,820 --> 01:06:36,240 that's the thing I need is validation. Okay. Okay. Um, 1163 01:06:36,260 --> 01:06:39,360 the one time you stopped a scene, basically you safe worded out, you went, 1164 01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:43,240 I can't do this. Mm-hmm. , we, this is after the fact, 1165 01:06:43,240 --> 01:06:45,280 but I know what we did and I think it worked. You tell me. 1166 01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:49,160 I gave you that validation. Yeah. You were doing a good job. Mm-hmm. 1167 01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:52,640 , I love you. Thank you. I understand. 1168 01:06:52,660 --> 01:06:54,720 The other thing was because you safe worded out. I was like, 1169 01:06:54,880 --> 01:06:59,080 I understand it's fine that you did that. I'm not upset with you. 1170 01:06:59,220 --> 01:07:01,840 And so then just sort of reaffirming that mm-hmm. , 1171 01:07:01,980 --> 01:07:04,040 you made the right, you did make the right decision. That's like, 1172 01:07:04,110 --> 01:07:08,080 there's no question about it, but that I supported. 1173 01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:12,040 Your decision. And I, and I think that's important, um, on both ends. 1174 01:07:13,580 --> 01:07:18,320 But you know, I I here have heard a lot over the years, 1175 01:07:19,100 --> 01:07:23,440 you know, especially submissives. Well, you know, I don't want my, my, 1176 01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:28,200 my dom my top to be disappointed because I safe use, 1177 01:07:28,420 --> 01:07:31,200 use my safe word. Right. You know? Yes. 1178 01:07:31,460 --> 01:07:31,920 Mm-hmm. 1179 01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:36,520 . And, and that is something I think that, you know, 1180 01:07:37,240 --> 01:07:37,600 I, 1181 01:07:37,600 --> 01:07:42,400 I would be more upset if down the road afterwards 1182 01:07:42,690 --> 01:07:47,600 found out that you wanted to use your safe word. Right. But didn't. Yes. 1183 01:07:48,120 --> 01:07:51,040 Absolutely. Well, and the other th that goes another way without the safe word. 1184 01:07:51,070 --> 01:07:55,840 Sometimes the scene goes wrong because a, a toy hits lands wrong. Right. Right. 1185 01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:59,240 There's injury or near injury. Mm-hmm. . And like, now we're, 1186 01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:04,040 we're safe wording out because the dom made a human error and whatever, 1187 01:08:04,120 --> 01:08:05,080 something didn't go wrong. Sure. 1188 01:08:06,580 --> 01:08:10,520 The thing that I've noticed when that happens with us is one in mid scene I can 1189 01:08:10,520 --> 01:08:13,200 tell you, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's , that's landing wrong. 1190 01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:16,600 I need you to adjust. 'cause 'cause that's not where you meant to hit that item. 1191 01:08:16,620 --> 01:08:19,400 Mm-hmm. . But after the scene, the, 1192 01:08:19,660 --> 01:08:24,320 the thing I have I feel works for you or helps you, 1193 01:08:25,060 --> 01:08:28,960 is to acknowledge that a mistake was made, 1194 01:08:29,100 --> 01:08:33,320 but not to place blame. Like, I'm not pissed off at you. I'm like, uhoh, 1195 01:08:33,910 --> 01:08:34,800 what do, and again, 1196 01:08:34,900 --> 01:08:39,520 it usually has to wait until we've gotten through getting ourselves back 1197 01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:42,000 together and being in a different place, in a different head space. 1198 01:08:42,180 --> 01:08:45,560 But it's like, okay, let's talk about what went wrong. And it's not a, 1199 01:08:45,640 --> 01:08:48,200 a judgment thing on you. It's a mm-hmm. , it's a Yeah. 1200 01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:51,400 That could happen to anybody. Right. Is it that more education's needed? 1201 01:08:51,470 --> 01:08:55,280 More practices needed different toy, what, and we're gonna, 1202 01:08:55,370 --> 01:08:59,720 we're going to sort of like, there was a sports metaphor, 1203 01:09:00,060 --> 01:09:03,360 but y'all know how I'm about sport ball sort of when you, like, 1204 01:09:04,770 --> 01:09:08,400 we're gonna go over the game play basically and try to like figure out debrief 1205 01:09:08,630 --> 01:09:12,440 Yeah. And figure out what, what wrong and how we can prevent that in the future. 1206 01:09:12,440 --> 01:09:14,400 Yeah. And, and you know, we, 1207 01:09:14,460 --> 01:09:17,680 we used to debrief a lot after 1208 01:09:19,430 --> 01:09:21,760 most every scene in the beginning mm-hmm. . Um, 1209 01:09:21,860 --> 01:09:23,760 we don't do that as much anymore, 1210 01:09:24,460 --> 01:09:28,000 but especially if something goes wrong mm-hmm. in a scene, 1211 01:09:28,390 --> 01:09:32,840 there's some kind of mishap. I think it is very important absolutely. To, 1212 01:09:32,900 --> 01:09:36,880 to debrief at some point. Maybe not immediately Yeah. After the scene. 1213 01:09:37,580 --> 01:09:41,600 But there, there needs to be that, that discussion of, 1214 01:09:41,620 --> 01:09:43,480 of what went on and why. And, and. 1215 01:09:44,000 --> 01:09:48,320 I think what helps me not be afraid for future scenes. Like you've made, 1216 01:09:48,380 --> 01:09:51,200 you've fucked up, you made a mistake, things didn't go according to plan. 1217 01:09:51,740 --> 01:09:55,880 You always own it. You do not deflect. You do not blame anything else. 1218 01:09:56,060 --> 01:09:58,840 Any anyone else. Even if it, like, 1219 01:09:58,900 --> 01:10:01,680 it was too noisy and somebody did crowd you and mm-hmm. , 1220 01:10:01,770 --> 01:10:06,080 there were outside factors that explain part of it. 1221 01:10:06,180 --> 01:10:07,960 You always take responsibility for it. 1222 01:10:08,300 --> 01:10:12,160 So then I will actually turn around and try to comfort you because 1223 01:10:14,030 --> 01:10:16,640 your submissive cannot handle you to be wrong for anything. 1224 01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:19,800 Even when you are the one , it's wrong. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. 1225 01:10:20,280 --> 01:10:21,400 . But it make, 1226 01:10:21,600 --> 01:10:26,160 I can I get to continue feeling safe after a scene goes wrong. Mm-hmm. 1227 01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:29,920 , because you are taking ownership of what happened. Yeah. 1228 01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:33,640 Like I was the one in control and that went wrong under my watch. Right. 1229 01:10:33,640 --> 01:10:36,680 And here's what I'm gonna do to avoid that in the future. Mm-hmm. , 1230 01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:40,200 here's what I see, how I see things, you know, and how they went wrong. And you, 1231 01:10:40,200 --> 01:10:41,800 let me tell you what I need to tell you. 1232 01:10:41,940 --> 01:10:45,120 So then any stress or tension for us after all these years, 1233 01:10:45,180 --> 01:10:48,080 it just doesn't exist. But in those early days, 1234 01:10:49,020 --> 01:10:53,320 any stress that might've been there was immediately diffused because I wasn't 1235 01:10:53,320 --> 01:10:56,280 even, I wasn't trying to convince you. You had screwed up. You were going, no, 1236 01:10:56,300 --> 01:11:00,360 no, I own it. You know, my bad. Here's, you know, what do we do to fix it? 1237 01:11:00,360 --> 01:11:02,560 Or here's what I think we do to fix it. And I think that makes a difference. 1238 01:11:04,380 --> 01:11:07,920 Here's one that we just went through. Yeah. And it's our last one, . 1239 01:11:08,030 --> 01:11:08,863 Okay. 1240 01:11:11,030 --> 01:11:15,520 When you disagree on whether a stressful or big moment is 1241 01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:17,720 appropriate for your power exchange. 1242 01:11:18,520 --> 01:11:19,353 Hmm. 1243 01:11:20,020 --> 01:11:24,600 The last time it happened to us was very recently. And you, 1244 01:11:24,860 --> 01:11:25,693 in your anger, 1245 01:11:26,770 --> 01:11:30,840 weaponized part of our power exchange Yeah. Against me. 1246 01:11:30,940 --> 01:11:33,920 And used your control to say it was not your finest moment. 1247 01:11:34,220 --> 01:11:35,280 Not a good look for me. No. 1248 01:11:35,340 --> 01:11:37,080 No. I know. And I don't even like admitting it. 1249 01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:39,600 'cause I want you to look perfect to everybody always, but. 1250 01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:44,160 . Yeah. But I'm, it was a moment that happened. I'm, I'm not . 1251 01:11:44,160 --> 01:11:47,160 Right. Right, right. Um, 1252 01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:52,180 you know, I, I, I, 1253 01:11:55,810 --> 01:12:00,780 what can I say? I fucked up in a big way. Um, you know, 1254 01:12:01,200 --> 01:12:05,700 not that it's any excuse, but the stress we have been feeling 1255 01:12:07,200 --> 01:12:11,780 for the last couple years has just been compounding, compounding, compounding. 1256 01:12:12,200 --> 01:12:12,420 And. 1257 01:12:12,420 --> 01:12:15,180 Then you were triggered. Like we trigger each other sometimes. Yeah. 1258 01:12:15,620 --> 01:12:16,660 Accidentally oopsie. 1259 01:12:16,760 --> 01:12:17,860 And, uh, that's another topic. 1260 01:12:17,880 --> 01:12:18,713 For another day. . 1261 01:12:19,020 --> 01:12:22,220 I, I, I fell off the deep end and mm-hmm. 1262 01:12:22,260 --> 01:12:24,740 , you, my sense of it was, um, 1263 01:12:27,480 --> 01:12:29,900 was that you were trying to regain control. 1264 01:12:29,960 --> 01:12:33,820 You were feeling out of control and like, you were like, I'm the dom, 1265 01:12:33,980 --> 01:12:37,860 I get to fuck a fucking say over this. And it, it was, 1266 01:12:38,210 --> 01:12:41,340 this was the height of our fight. Like we were not happy with each other. 1267 01:12:41,390 --> 01:12:44,900 Prior to this, we'd been arguing for like a day or two. Yeah. Uh, 1268 01:12:45,200 --> 01:12:46,033 and by arguing, 1269 01:12:46,180 --> 01:12:50,260 I mean glaring at one another and like walking past the other in silence, 1270 01:12:51,260 --> 01:12:51,640 . 1271 01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:52,100 Mm-hmm. 1272 01:12:52,100 --> 01:12:53,540 . And I, 1273 01:12:54,290 --> 01:12:59,140 instead of just doing what I usually do, which is going, let's talk about this. 1274 01:12:59,140 --> 01:13:00,500 Just tell me what the fuck's on your mind. 1275 01:13:00,660 --> 01:13:04,980 I tried to act like nothing was wrong. Not that nothing was wrong, 1276 01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:06,980 but like that everything was still normal. Yeah. 1277 01:13:07,160 --> 01:13:09,020 And I'm like, and me, I'm up against a, 1278 01:13:09,180 --> 01:13:13,020 I felt like I was up against a brick wall just Yep. Banging my head, 1279 01:13:13,290 --> 01:13:14,900 getting nowhere. So. 1280 01:13:14,900 --> 01:13:17,580 Neither of us was correct in this situation. Yeah. 1281 01:13:17,920 --> 01:13:22,820 But because of the authority and the power and control you have as the dom 1282 01:13:22,820 --> 01:13:26,420 mm-hmm. , you have that ability to go, well, 1283 01:13:26,460 --> 01:13:28,980 I get to say no to this, or I get to, 1284 01:13:29,860 --> 01:13:31,780 I get to control whether this thing happens. 1285 01:13:32,080 --> 01:13:35,740 And it was parts of our power exchange that are fundamental parts of the power 1286 01:13:35,980 --> 01:13:37,700 exchange. So that if we're not gonna do them anymore, 1287 01:13:37,700 --> 01:13:38,900 there has to be a conversation. 1288 01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:43,100 It was right in line with why we say Doms, 1289 01:13:43,280 --> 01:13:47,540 you do not punish, even if you have the whole consequences, 1290 01:13:47,540 --> 01:13:49,060 punishment thing is your power exchange. 1291 01:13:49,280 --> 01:13:52,900 You do not punish in anger because you're not, you're not clearheaded. Right. 1292 01:13:53,080 --> 01:13:57,660 And I viewed that moment as you trying to punish me as your 1293 01:13:57,660 --> 01:14:01,660 submissive for things you didn't like that your wife was doing and your business 1294 01:14:01,660 --> 01:14:03,740 partner was doing. Mm-hmm. , um, . 1295 01:14:04,120 --> 01:14:06,500 And it was one of those things where the decisions you made, 1296 01:14:06,600 --> 01:14:10,980 if you were going to, if we were no longer going to do those things, they could, 1297 01:14:11,150 --> 01:14:14,760 that could only be undone with a conversation. Right. 1298 01:14:15,140 --> 01:14:19,360 Not at in the heat of anger. Like you would, I don't, 1299 01:14:19,480 --> 01:14:23,280 I wouldn't have taken it. Well, but if you had said this, 1300 01:14:23,480 --> 01:14:26,960 I am too angry for this right now, I cannot do this. 1301 01:14:27,920 --> 01:14:30,640 I would've hated that. But I'd have been like, that is clear, 1302 01:14:30,640 --> 01:14:34,240 indirect communication. Now might I have tried to convince you otherwise? Sure, 1303 01:14:34,240 --> 01:14:35,680 sure. I'm like, I'm that girl. You. 1304 01:14:35,680 --> 01:14:36,920 Be, you being you, I'm. 1305 01:14:36,920 --> 01:14:38,280 That girl. . 1306 01:14:38,500 --> 01:14:42,680 But you were at the height of your anger and so you weren't thinking clearly. 1307 01:14:43,100 --> 01:14:47,120 No. Neither of us was communicating clearly at that point. No. 1308 01:14:47,180 --> 01:14:49,480 And that was the direction you went. No. And that's, 1309 01:14:49,940 --> 01:14:54,880 that's a big stressor in the middle of something that's already stressful. 1310 01:14:55,120 --> 01:14:58,440 Stressful. Yeah. Because that takes from, from my perspective, and I, 1311 01:14:58,880 --> 01:15:01,000 I think either side of the slash can feel this way, 1312 01:15:01,100 --> 01:15:03,240 if the other side of the slash 1313 01:15:04,790 --> 01:15:07,000 uses their power exchange against the other mm-hmm. , like, 1314 01:15:07,000 --> 01:15:11,280 I don't, it's not just a sub thing. It's, it could be anybody. But for a, 1315 01:15:11,400 --> 01:15:14,000 a brief moment in our 10 years together, 1316 01:15:14,840 --> 01:15:19,800 I was unsure of my place in the dynamic. And man, that pissed me off . 1317 01:15:23,100 --> 01:15:27,800 And so then we had to navigate the larger argument we were having and the 1318 01:15:27,800 --> 01:15:28,840 tension we were having, 1319 01:15:29,980 --> 01:15:34,720 but we also had to navigate that moment because that was, to me, 1320 01:15:34,860 --> 01:15:38,040 deeper than mm-hmm. , your average non kinky, 1321 01:15:38,040 --> 01:15:41,120 vanilla kind of just life situation that was like, that was, 1322 01:15:41,120 --> 01:15:43,920 that hit on a deep level mm-hmm. , 1323 01:15:44,000 --> 01:15:48,640 because that touched something sacred. Yeah. . Yeah. 1324 01:15:50,420 --> 01:15:55,120 Um, and we got through it. The strategy is we have, 1325 01:15:55,260 --> 01:15:57,880 we have to let tempers diffuse a bit. Mm-hmm. We have to mm-hmm. 1326 01:15:57,920 --> 01:15:59,320 again, it, 1327 01:15:59,440 --> 01:16:04,090 I think it goes back to you have always owned your actions good, 1328 01:16:04,090 --> 01:16:07,330 bad or otherwise, and you're humble enough to admit when you're wrong. 1329 01:16:07,670 --> 01:16:08,450 Had I come, 1330 01:16:08,450 --> 01:16:11,610 I did come at you that that's when the argument got notched up to like a 1331 01:16:11,610 --> 01:16:16,450 hundred, not even 11, there was no dial. We were Oh lord. Um, yeah. , 1332 01:16:16,450 --> 01:16:19,050 because, you know, I was pissed, but, um, 1333 01:16:20,070 --> 01:16:23,930 we can't even touch it when we're in the height of the argument. No. 1334 01:16:24,230 --> 01:16:25,850 We have to let everything calm down. 1335 01:16:25,950 --> 01:16:28,450 We have to get to that point we were talking about earlier where you're in the 1336 01:16:28,450 --> 01:16:31,090 aftermath, where you're still kind of sensitive. And then. 1337 01:16:31,590 --> 01:16:36,130 The thing, the thing that we need to understand, 1338 01:16:36,130 --> 01:16:40,330 especially when it comes to you and I, I, and I'm, 1339 01:16:40,430 --> 01:16:45,170 I'm gonna use this this term and, and I think it, 1340 01:16:45,270 --> 01:16:47,810 it fits for what I'm trying to say, 1341 01:16:48,470 --> 01:16:51,050 we are both very passionate people. Mm-hmm. 1342 01:16:51,090 --> 01:16:52,970 . That's, that's great. When we're. 1343 01:16:52,970 --> 01:16:56,930 Getting and, and it is, it, it, it is a good thing. , it, 1344 01:16:57,200 --> 01:16:59,170 it's both of our strengths. 1345 01:17:00,870 --> 01:17:01,330 Mm-hmm. 1346 01:17:01,330 --> 01:17:03,370 and it is also. 1347 01:17:04,130 --> 01:17:04,510 Absolutely. 1348 01:17:04,510 --> 01:17:05,490 Our weakness. Yes. 1349 01:17:05,500 --> 01:17:08,770 Agree completely. Okay. It, it's also why, uh, we are, 1350 01:17:08,790 --> 01:17:10,520 we are not for everyone , 1351 01:17:13,700 --> 01:17:16,440 we are both a lot to handle in our own way. . Yes. 1352 01:17:17,140 --> 01:17:22,040 Yes. That is true. So, you know, um, 1353 01:17:22,790 --> 01:17:24,400 when, when we get that 1354 01:17:26,270 --> 01:17:30,520 passion in us about something mm-hmm. , you know, 1355 01:17:30,990 --> 01:17:33,840 it's like, it, it can be like two worlds colliding. 1356 01:17:33,900 --> 01:17:38,520 Oh yeah. Uh, you know, go ahead. I was gonna say in the moment, 1357 01:17:38,520 --> 01:17:41,080 we have to calm down. Yeah. From my perspective, 1358 01:17:41,630 --> 01:17:44,880 from the quote wronged partner's perspective 'cause mm-hmm. , 1359 01:17:44,880 --> 01:17:47,640 when you do that, you are wronging the other person. You're fucking up, 1360 01:17:47,640 --> 01:17:49,120 you're human. It's, it's not, 1361 01:17:50,310 --> 01:17:54,200 it's not a deal breaker as long as it's not happening over and over again. 1362 01:17:54,200 --> 01:17:57,640 Right. I think that would make it a deal breaker. Yeah. But you know, 1363 01:17:57,660 --> 01:18:00,080 the wronged person needs to be validated. Mm-hmm. , 1364 01:18:00,540 --> 01:18:03,640 you did exactly what I needed you to do. You apologized for it. 1365 01:18:04,180 --> 01:18:06,600 You and I both did the same thing to one another. 1366 01:18:07,040 --> 01:18:10,840 I apologized for how I absolutely spoke to you disrespectfully after that, 1367 01:18:10,840 --> 01:18:13,920 that moment occurred. But I did not apologize for my anger. Mm-hmm. 1368 01:18:13,960 --> 01:18:15,800 , you in your own way, 1369 01:18:16,680 --> 01:18:19,120 apologized for your behavior and your actions, 1370 01:18:20,340 --> 01:18:24,240 but you did not negate your own feelings and where that was coming from. Right. 1371 01:18:24,240 --> 01:18:28,600 Yeah. Um, and I think that makes the difference. Now, 1372 01:18:29,170 --> 01:18:33,120 could we have heard one another before we hit that, like, 1373 01:18:33,350 --> 01:18:34,240 aftermath since. 1374 01:18:34,240 --> 01:18:35,280 Point? Probably no. 1375 01:18:35,640 --> 01:18:38,120 . Like we would, we would've been like we, we would've, 1376 01:18:38,180 --> 01:18:42,640 we been talking past one another. Um, it also helps, 1377 01:18:44,420 --> 01:18:48,080 um, that we don't repeat those kinds of behaviors. Yeah. Like, 1378 01:18:48,300 --> 01:18:51,760 we fuck up and we fuck up big and then we'll be like, oh, 1379 01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:52,880 we're not doing that ever. 1380 01:18:52,900 --> 01:18:56,480 The fuck again. We, we, we managed to learn from our mistakes. Right. So. 1381 01:18:56,480 --> 01:19:01,440 Like, I feel like in this scenario, as the one who was on that, 1382 01:19:01,460 --> 01:19:02,920 the receiving end of it mm-hmm. , 1383 01:19:03,180 --> 01:19:07,320 I'm not walking around wary and unsure of who you are and who we are. Yeah. 1384 01:19:07,480 --> 01:19:12,120 'cause I know who we are. I genuinely don't believe it will repeat itself. 1385 01:19:12,280 --> 01:19:14,730 'cause that was like the, 1386 01:19:14,950 --> 01:19:18,570 the first big time and maybe only the second time in 10 years where like that 1387 01:19:18,570 --> 01:19:21,530 had even been like a little bit of it. Mm-hmm. . Um, 1388 01:19:22,810 --> 01:19:25,810 I think the other part is that you have made, 1389 01:19:27,070 --> 01:19:31,610 you've always been a safe person for me to react very honestly, good, bad, 1390 01:19:31,610 --> 01:19:35,290 or otherwise. Mm-hmm. . And so, um, 1391 01:19:35,730 --> 01:19:39,770 I didn't feel in the moment like I had to hide my re response, um, 1392 01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:42,290 or my reaction. And I never felt, 1393 01:19:42,290 --> 01:19:44,850 while we were diffusing it later and working through it, 1394 01:19:44,850 --> 01:19:48,890 like I had to pretend otherwise. And I think that that is important too. 1395 01:19:48,950 --> 01:19:51,210 If I get to come to you when I'm calmer and go, 1396 01:19:52,440 --> 01:19:55,170 that was wrong and you were wrong for that. I hate it. 1397 01:19:55,190 --> 01:19:59,770 It it's a physical pain to me to think of you being wrong because I, 1398 01:19:59,770 --> 01:20:00,650 it's not what I want. You. 1399 01:20:00,650 --> 01:20:01,450 Don't want to. Yeah. I. 1400 01:20:01,450 --> 01:20:05,090 Don't want, you're my daddy dumb. You're the one in charge. Uh, 1401 01:20:05,250 --> 01:20:08,080 I want to put you on a pedestal. We have had that conversation. 1402 01:20:08,080 --> 01:20:11,920 You're not on a pedestal, but I would love for you to be on one. Right. Um, 1403 01:20:12,580 --> 01:20:16,000 but knowing I can come to you and even in that discomfort. Yeah. 1404 01:20:16,420 --> 01:20:18,080 You'll just own it. You're like, yeah. Mm-hmm. . 1405 01:20:18,080 --> 01:20:19,600 Now let me say again, we said this earlier. 1406 01:20:19,600 --> 01:20:20,800 We're talking about the aftermath of an argument. 1407 01:20:20,940 --> 01:20:23,640 I'm going to tell you what I did wrong before. 1408 01:20:23,780 --> 01:20:28,400 You can tell me so that my psyche can handle it. , 1409 01:20:32,420 --> 01:20:34,440 um, for me, and I, 1410 01:20:34,540 --> 01:20:37,600 and you tell me if this is true for you when you're the wronged one. 1411 01:20:37,710 --> 01:20:39,920 Like you're the one who gets, who gets to be right in that thing. Mm-hmm. 1412 01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:40,960 . 'cause the other person screwed up. 1413 01:20:41,620 --> 01:20:46,280 It almost feels good is not quite the right word, 1414 01:20:47,660 --> 01:20:50,720 but freeing to be able to go You were wrong. 1415 01:20:51,060 --> 01:20:53,600 You messed up and have the other person go. You're right. 1416 01:20:54,400 --> 01:20:57,120 'cause it's a validation. Yeah. And it's sort of a, a 1417 01:20:58,830 --> 01:21:02,320 clin cleaning the air. Like, um, there's an expression, 1418 01:21:03,720 --> 01:21:06,080 I can't think of the expression, but you let it all out into the open. 1419 01:21:06,080 --> 01:21:08,320 You get it out into the open. Yeah. I can't think of what, 1420 01:21:08,320 --> 01:21:10,360 and I can't think of the expression. It's gone. No, no. Um, 1421 01:21:10,980 --> 01:21:13,840 and being able to do that allows me to let go. 1422 01:21:14,700 --> 01:21:17,360 Now we go back again on the times I have fucked up. 1423 01:21:17,440 --> 01:21:19,800 I will tell you how I fucked up. Please don't tell me how I fucked up. 1424 01:21:19,840 --> 01:21:23,640 I know how I fucked up. I will recite my wrongs. It's fine. 1425 01:21:23,700 --> 01:21:25,920 You just nod and smile and go. Yes, you're correct. 1426 01:21:26,220 --> 01:21:28,680 And that way I don't have to hear the criticism. . 1427 01:21:30,900 --> 01:21:35,160 Now I have, I mean, the most recent one was Yeah, you're, you're oopsie. 1428 01:21:35,510 --> 01:21:39,040 I've done, I've been wrong on that end too. I've, you know mm-hmm. 1429 01:21:39,320 --> 01:21:43,480 malicious compliance, but not in a fun way. . You know, 1430 01:21:43,510 --> 01:21:47,320 like, I try, I'm desperately trying to be a good girl. So like, if I, 1431 01:21:47,320 --> 01:21:50,280 if it ever happens, it's probably not intentional. 1432 01:21:51,580 --> 01:21:55,920 But what do you need if I, you know, when I'm the one that fucks up, 1433 01:21:55,920 --> 01:21:56,920 what's gonna help you? 1434 01:22:02,060 --> 01:22:05,080 You just need me to recite my wrongs so that you can nod quietly. 1435 01:22:05,990 --> 01:22:08,800 That works for me. By the way, , if I haven't mentioned it, 1436 01:22:08,860 --> 01:22:11,080 you already do that. So we're, we're, we're, 1437 01:22:11,080 --> 01:22:14,080 which means I'm perfect and I'm good and I can, nobody can ever be mad at me. 1438 01:22:15,160 --> 01:22:19,640 I really need therapy. I know, I know . I know. Yeah. 1439 01:22:21,800 --> 01:22:25,720 . Um, yeah. Yeah, I know . 1440 01:22:27,470 --> 01:22:32,000 Yeah. So, uh, that's a lot of things. Yes. 1441 01:22:32,540 --> 01:22:36,560 Um, you know what, there's a common theme that I've noticed. 1442 01:22:37,140 --> 01:22:40,600 One is my least favorite word, patience. . 1443 01:22:40,900 --> 01:22:45,200 The other is my favorite communication. Mm. Yeah. 1444 01:22:45,980 --> 01:22:46,880 Um, yeah. 1445 01:22:46,880 --> 01:22:50,520 Because whether the stressful situation is happening to you and your poor 1446 01:22:50,520 --> 01:22:50,920 partners, 1447 01:22:50,920 --> 01:22:54,840 like on the outside watching it happen and trying to help you navigate it or 1448 01:22:55,380 --> 01:23:00,240 you've done it to each other. , you know, 1449 01:23:00,500 --> 01:23:05,400 mo most ills can usually be resolved with just clear communication, you know, 1450 01:23:05,460 --> 01:23:08,960 but, and understanding what the other person needs, you know, you know, 1451 01:23:09,080 --> 01:23:11,760 I need to hear I'm a good girl and to be validated. Like, 1452 01:23:11,920 --> 01:23:16,240 I don't make that a secret. Um, and most of the time, if you are not. 1453 01:23:16,260 --> 01:23:17,480 And butt rubs, you need butt. 1454 01:23:17,480 --> 01:23:19,840 Rubs. There's not enough of those on the planet. Um, 1455 01:23:20,590 --> 01:23:23,680 when it's something happening to me and you have to be witness to it mm-hmm. 1456 01:23:23,720 --> 01:23:26,600 , that'll be enough. Right. When it's stuff happening, 1457 01:23:27,250 --> 01:23:28,360 we're doing to one another, 1458 01:23:28,580 --> 01:23:32,200 or we're both going through it and it's increasing tension, you know, 1459 01:23:32,200 --> 01:23:34,440 sometimes it's just go to our separate corners, 1460 01:23:34,440 --> 01:23:38,800 but always come back to communication. Mm-hmm. . So, yeah. Yeah. 1461 01:23:40,360 --> 01:23:42,280 I have no idea if that was helpful for anybody. 1462 01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:45,520 I didn't even know if it was helpful for me. Was it helpful for you? I don't. 1463 01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:46,713 I don't know. Well. 1464 01:23:47,180 --> 01:23:51,480 Is helpful the right word? I dunno. , I dunno. Um, 1465 01:23:52,470 --> 01:23:56,920 yeah, that's all of them. Mm-hmm. . Um, I'll try to like, yeah, 1466 01:23:56,920 --> 01:24:01,560 I'll list them out in like the show notes page for podcast listeners mm-hmm. 1467 01:24:01,600 --> 01:24:04,040 and there'll be eventually timestamps on, 1468 01:24:04,140 --> 01:24:06,680 on YouTube to kind of see them all. 'cause there's a lot, 1469 01:24:06,820 --> 01:24:11,040 and we didn't even go through all the ones that therapy Jeff listed. Um, that's. 1470 01:24:11,040 --> 01:24:11,873 True. 1471 01:24:12,660 --> 01:24:15,680 But I, you know, I highly recommend what, you know, 1472 01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:19,400 if you're in a moment or a season where things are relatively relaxed and 1473 01:24:19,400 --> 01:24:20,280 comfortable and you can, 1474 01:24:20,700 --> 01:24:23,480 and you're not already stressed out with one another mm-hmm. 1475 01:24:23,520 --> 01:24:25,480 or about something that you can talk about these things in 1476 01:24:25,480 --> 01:24:28,320 advance. You can't game it out completely. 1477 01:24:28,420 --> 01:24:30,720 You cannot predict exactly what will happen, 1478 01:24:30,780 --> 01:24:33,760 but you might be able to arm yourself with tools to help you get through it. 1479 01:24:33,760 --> 01:24:34,220 Yeah. Like, 1480 01:24:34,220 --> 01:24:38,680 if you remember that your partner just needs to feel heard when they're going 1481 01:24:38,680 --> 01:24:41,000 through it mm-hmm. , then, you know, 1482 01:24:41,000 --> 01:24:43,840 maybe that's in your head and you slow down for a minute and go, that's right. 1483 01:24:43,840 --> 01:24:46,760 That they don't want me to give them answers. They just want to vent. 1484 01:24:47,190 --> 01:24:50,400 That is a thing I can do for them. Right? Yeah. Like, or if you're like, 1485 01:24:50,420 --> 01:24:52,960 oh shit, we're in an argument and maybe this is our first argument ever. 1486 01:24:53,180 --> 01:24:57,960 If you've never considered what might happen in an argument or how you, 1487 01:24:58,460 --> 01:25:02,120 how you know you are when things get heated. Right. And you, 1488 01:25:02,550 --> 01:25:04,960 each partner feels shocked by what's happening. 1489 01:25:05,060 --> 01:25:06,360 If you've never had the conversation, 1490 01:25:06,860 --> 01:25:09,760 you're not probably not gonna bring your best self to the resolution of that 1491 01:25:09,960 --> 01:25:12,880 argument if you have had the conversation ahead of time. And, you know, 1492 01:25:13,540 --> 01:25:16,040 my partner told me that they always do this when they're pissed. 1493 01:25:16,060 --> 01:25:19,760 And I know I always do that when I'm pissed. If you have it in your head, 1494 01:25:19,780 --> 01:25:24,720 you have a better chance of navigating it without blowing up the 1495 01:25:24,720 --> 01:25:27,840 relationship. Yeah. And here's the thing. Some of these things we've learned, 1496 01:25:27,840 --> 01:25:31,880 only in hindsight, we had to go through it with no plan. , 1497 01:25:32,780 --> 01:25:34,520 uh, really pissed the other one off. 1498 01:25:34,780 --> 01:25:37,520 And then figured out as, as they used to say, kinda like the, uh, 1499 01:25:37,520 --> 01:25:39,160 school hard knocks. Yeah. Yeah. 1500 01:25:39,580 --> 01:25:43,760 And you wouldn't have a plan. It doesn't always go to plan. And so just, 1501 01:25:43,760 --> 01:25:46,800 just gotta throw the plan out Yep. And figure it out on the fly. Mm-hmm. 1502 01:25:46,840 --> 01:25:49,600 . And for all my fellow anxious people, planners out there, 1503 01:25:49,760 --> 01:25:51,160 I know that sucks. It sucks. 1504 01:25:51,240 --> 01:25:55,280 I would like to write my 10 point bullet plan and just go through it and like, 1505 01:25:55,280 --> 01:25:57,880 everything would be fine if it doesn't work that way. And that's okay. 1506 01:25:57,940 --> 01:26:00,400 That's true. But I do think there's always value in, 1507 01:26:00,400 --> 01:26:03,960 in trying to have the conversations before you need to have the conversation. 1508 01:26:03,960 --> 01:26:07,280 Yeah. If that makes sense. Yeah. So, yeah. Okay. 1509 01:26:07,280 --> 01:26:09,880 This went longer than I anticipated, but there we go. 1510 01:26:09,880 --> 01:26:10,660 Oh yeah. Wow. 1511 01:26:10,660 --> 01:26:14,720 But we, I think we, we did stay on topic. You did. So it was just a big topic. 1512 01:26:14,780 --> 01:26:17,640 Mm-hmm. , uh, and we will do, uh, a bonus section. Yep. 1513 01:26:17,720 --> 01:26:20,880 I don't know how much there is to say, but we'll do what we can. So, yeah. 1514 01:26:21,500 --> 01:26:23,800 All right. So, uh, are we good? 1515 01:26:23,900 --> 01:26:28,640 That's not for me to say. Keep it kinky, y'all, and we'll see you next week. 1516 01:26:38,690 --> 01:26:39,523 Daddy. 1517 01:26:41,020 --> 01:26:41,853 Yes, baby girl. 1518 01:26:41,940 --> 01:26:43,080 Can I talk to the crickets, please? 1519 01:26:45,320 --> 01:26:46,320 I suppose you can. 1520 01:26:46,830 --> 01:26:47,663 Okay. 1521 01:26:48,600 --> 01:26:52,880 I don't have anything major to say. Mm-hmm. Uh, I got to see the oldest, uh, 1522 01:26:53,030 --> 01:26:57,400 last Sunday. You did? Just me, myself, and I. Yep. Uh, he texted and said, 1523 01:26:57,880 --> 01:26:59,640 I need groceries. , 1524 01:26:59,700 --> 01:27:03,840 can you come and take me to Aldi and buy my groceries? And I was like, well, 1525 01:27:04,020 --> 01:27:06,440 of course I can. Um. 1526 01:27:07,320 --> 01:27:08,800 Youngest and I stayed home. Yep. 1527 01:27:08,900 --> 01:27:13,160 Yep. Uh, the youngest is going through it and 1528 01:27:14,740 --> 01:27:15,573 I'm waiting for. 1529 01:27:15,850 --> 01:27:17,520 Catch you later, ex have a good one. 1530 01:27:17,520 --> 01:27:21,880 Different people at the school to stop ignoring me and answer my fucking 1531 01:27:22,160 --> 01:27:25,440 questions. . Yeah. Um, so there's that. 1532 01:27:25,560 --> 01:27:28,720 I don't wanna have to be that parent that has to rock up there and stand there 1533 01:27:28,720 --> 01:27:31,760 and go, I've emailed 85 million times, I need somebody to come talk to me. 1534 01:27:31,760 --> 01:27:34,280 But we're getting to that point. . Um. 1535 01:27:35,670 --> 01:27:39,600 Well, I'm sorry. Should've learned, I mean, that's kind of started last year. 1536 01:27:40,280 --> 01:27:45,040 I think that's just been school systems probably since the dawn of time. 1537 01:27:45,460 --> 01:27:46,360 Mm-hmm. mm-hmm. . 1538 01:27:46,360 --> 01:27:47,960 But certainly for the past 20 to th like, 1539 01:27:47,960 --> 01:27:52,320 the more resources get cut and the more that there's not enough time, 1540 01:27:52,580 --> 01:27:57,200 energy, money, people to go around for every student who has needs. 1541 01:27:57,630 --> 01:27:58,720 Yeah. The more this happens, 1542 01:27:58,750 --> 01:28:03,720 like I get it and I am empathetic to the adults trying to 1543 01:28:03,720 --> 01:28:08,400 make school happen. . However, my top priority is my kit. Right. 1544 01:28:08,700 --> 01:28:13,040 And I try not to be an unreasonable human being, and I know those exist, 1545 01:28:13,100 --> 01:28:15,360 and I try never to be that parent. Okay. 1546 01:28:16,500 --> 01:28:21,400 But the problem is, it's a squeaky wheel situation. If I became that parent, 1547 01:28:21,520 --> 01:28:25,600 I would get answers immediately because nobody wants to fucking deal with that 1548 01:28:25,600 --> 01:28:30,080 person . But I don't wanna be that person, so I get fucking ignored. 1549 01:28:30,080 --> 01:28:30,880 They're like, oh, well, 1550 01:28:30,880 --> 01:28:33,960 she's not to the point where she's frothing at the mouth yet. 1551 01:28:34,540 --> 01:28:36,120 So we just won't answer that email. 1552 01:28:39,760 --> 01:28:40,593 . 1553 01:28:42,230 --> 01:28:42,630 It's fine. 1554 01:28:42,630 --> 01:28:42,920 Deep. 1555 01:28:42,920 --> 01:28:43,520 Breath. I. 1556 01:28:43,520 --> 01:28:44,353 Know. Deep breath. 1557 01:28:45,260 --> 01:28:49,710 Um, what else? 1558 01:28:49,740 --> 01:28:50,950 What have you got going on? 1559 01:28:51,370 --> 01:28:55,870 Um, I, I have been working, working, working. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. 1560 01:28:55,910 --> 01:28:59,630 . Um, I, 1561 01:28:59,790 --> 01:29:01,720 I think my little rant on, on 1562 01:29:04,040 --> 01:29:06,740 Friday night and the hangout about, you know, 1563 01:29:06,760 --> 01:29:11,620 us not having fall weather may have worked. Um, the fall. 1564 01:29:12,010 --> 01:29:12,843 Gods heard you. 1565 01:29:13,580 --> 01:29:17,740 . Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Work better than your emails . 1566 01:29:20,960 --> 01:29:24,580 Um, we, we've got slightly cooler weather here. We've. 1567 01:29:24,580 --> 01:29:27,420 Just got less humidity too. Yeah. Which has been pleasant. 1568 01:29:27,800 --> 01:29:30,660 Um, which is is nice in and of itself. I'll, 1569 01:29:30,690 --> 01:29:35,020 I'll take slightly cooler over no cooler. Right. Um. 1570 01:29:35,240 --> 01:29:37,580 Center of the sun, uh, 1571 01:29:39,120 --> 01:29:40,700 in space next to the sun. I mean, 1572 01:29:40,700 --> 01:29:43,180 I feel like that's the that's the difference we're we're dealing. 1573 01:29:43,180 --> 01:29:45,900 With. Yeah. We'll take it. Yeah. And, uh, you know, 1574 01:29:45,900 --> 01:29:50,100 that that's made it a little bit more enjoyable to step outside the door in the 1575 01:29:50,100 --> 01:29:50,933 morning mm-hmm. . 1576 01:29:51,160 --> 01:29:51,620 Mm-hmm. 1577 01:29:51,620 --> 01:29:53,860 . And, uh, you know, 1578 01:29:54,220 --> 01:29:59,100 I I I've been working on, on a lot of stuff. 1579 01:29:59,960 --> 01:30:03,020 Um, I'll, I'll talk some of it. I'll, 1580 01:30:03,020 --> 01:30:07,900 most of it I'll talk more about in the, uh, uh, behind the scenes. 1581 01:30:08,610 --> 01:30:09,190 Yeah. That's a. 1582 01:30:09,190 --> 01:30:10,340 Stuff coming up. There's. 1583 01:30:10,340 --> 01:30:14,100 A podcast thing we do Pats Yeah, yeah. On, on Patreon where we do a mm-hmm. 1584 01:30:14,140 --> 01:30:16,540 an episode where we just talk about what we're working on Yeah. 1585 01:30:16,540 --> 01:30:19,460 And what's going on in our personal lives. True, true, true. More so than Yes, 1586 01:30:19,460 --> 01:30:20,660 these episodes where we talk about. 1587 01:30:20,660 --> 01:30:21,370 That too. Yeah. 1588 01:30:21,370 --> 01:30:22,220 More details. More. 1589 01:30:22,220 --> 01:30:26,700 Details. So, um, you know, and, and I, I've, I'm, 1590 01:30:26,800 --> 01:30:29,220 I'm at one of those points, and you'll, 1591 01:30:29,220 --> 01:30:32,460 you'll understand this better than anybody where I've just got so many ideas 1592 01:30:33,380 --> 01:30:37,740 floating around in the head, you know? Yeah, yeah. Uhhuh . 1593 01:30:37,890 --> 01:30:42,140 Yeah. And, and, you know, I, I have to, uh, 1594 01:30:42,800 --> 01:30:46,340 I'm, I'm at a point where, you know, I haven't said anything because I, 1595 01:30:46,540 --> 01:30:51,020 I know we've, we've talked about, you know, how I am kind of, um, 1596 01:30:51,400 --> 01:30:54,780 at a certain point where I cannot take on much more. 1597 01:30:55,160 --> 01:30:56,900 Mm-hmm. You can have all the ideas in the world, 1598 01:30:56,920 --> 01:30:59,420 but you just can't manufacture more time . Exactly. 1599 01:30:59,890 --> 01:31:00,723 Exactly. 1600 01:31:01,050 --> 01:31:02,700 Exactly. I know, I know. It's the, 1601 01:31:04,850 --> 01:31:08,020 it's the bane of my existence, that reality, that fact. 1602 01:31:09,970 --> 01:31:12,830 Mm-hmm. . Yep. Mm-hmm. . So, um, I'm, 1603 01:31:12,970 --> 01:31:17,110 I'm a little grateful for the, for the cooler weather. I've noticed that, uh, 1604 01:31:17,850 --> 01:31:20,710 the lawn has not grown very much since. 1605 01:31:21,110 --> 01:31:23,870 I know we are able to get two weeks without mowing the lawn. 1606 01:31:23,870 --> 01:31:25,550 And that felt like a vacation. Yeah. 1607 01:31:25,980 --> 01:31:26,813 Yeah. 1608 01:31:27,270 --> 01:31:27,470 I mean, 1609 01:31:27,470 --> 01:31:31,910 we're gonna get out of the half to mow your lawn every week thing and go into 1610 01:31:31,910 --> 01:31:32,743 the, it's. 1611 01:31:32,810 --> 01:31:35,030 Oh my God. The, the leaves, the yard is covered with leaves. 1612 01:31:35,080 --> 01:31:36,790 Right. But we're in the middle right now. Yeah. 1613 01:31:36,790 --> 01:31:41,150 So leaves are falling and the grass is, uh, not growing quite as much mm-hmm. 1614 01:31:41,190 --> 01:31:43,270 . But we're also in the middle of love bug season. 1615 01:31:43,530 --> 01:31:48,150 So you walk outside and you might get two combined bugs 1616 01:31:48,710 --> 01:31:50,310 smacking you in the face. Yeah. 1617 01:31:51,060 --> 01:31:55,310 Yeah. So I, I, I had a few of them wander into the shop the other day, 1618 01:31:56,570 --> 01:32:01,240 you know, but, um, you know, and, and, and understand something, some, 1619 01:32:01,820 --> 01:32:05,280 you know, you, some of y'all, you, you think of fall, it's like, oh, 1620 01:32:05,280 --> 01:32:08,560 the leaves turn color and they, they fall off the trees and, you know, 1621 01:32:08,700 --> 01:32:09,320 that's why we. 1622 01:32:09,320 --> 01:32:10,160 Call it fall, y'all. 1623 01:32:10,230 --> 01:32:14,480 Yeah. Um, no, the, the type of tree we have in our yard, 1624 01:32:14,770 --> 01:32:19,520 which pretty much covers the entire front yard because it, it's a Laurel Oak. 1625 01:32:20,660 --> 01:32:23,520 Um, it is a beautiful tree. I love that tree. Uh, 1626 01:32:23,740 --> 01:32:27,040 it gives the front of the house such beautiful shade. Mm-hmm. 1627 01:32:27,080 --> 01:32:30,240 and blocks the, the sun at the hottest point of the day here. 1628 01:32:30,380 --> 01:32:31,440 Mm-hmm. . Um, 1629 01:32:33,620 --> 01:32:37,560 but fall with this tree starts 1630 01:32:39,370 --> 01:32:41,010 a little bit now, uh, 1631 01:32:41,110 --> 01:32:45,570 but really starts in October and doesn't truly end 1632 01:32:46,170 --> 01:32:49,290 until almost January mm-hmm. 1633 01:32:49,330 --> 01:32:49,990 . 1634 01:32:49,990 --> 01:32:54,050 And somehow there's enough leaves that keep falling that we have to rake every 1635 01:32:54,160 --> 01:32:54,530 week. 1636 01:32:54,530 --> 01:32:58,650 There's not like one or two big like times to rake and then you're done . 1637 01:32:58,760 --> 01:33:02,170 It's like, Nope, nope. It found some more leaves. No. That we're. 1638 01:33:02,170 --> 01:33:06,170 Ready to come down. Somehow this tree has enough leaves on it that it drops, 1639 01:33:06,170 --> 01:33:08,530 leaves for several months. . 1640 01:33:09,390 --> 01:33:13,570 But if I have to pick between dealing with leaves in air, 1641 01:33:13,570 --> 01:33:17,930 quote this word. 'cause I can, I can hear Canadians rolling your eyes already. 1642 01:33:18,390 --> 01:33:22,530 The height of our winter air quote, winter. Yeah. I will take that over. 1643 01:33:23,230 --> 01:33:27,210 Having to decide how early 1644 01:33:28,270 --> 01:33:33,050 is early enough to mow the lawn so that we don't piss off the 1645 01:33:33,370 --> 01:33:37,970 neighbors, but also we don't melt. Yeah. And that being our decision every week. 1646 01:33:38,070 --> 01:33:40,410 Mm-hmm. . So, yeah. 1647 01:33:40,550 --> 01:33:42,290 Excuse me. Yeah. So. 1648 01:33:42,910 --> 01:33:45,010 So yeah. It's mm-hmm. You know, weather. 1649 01:33:45,430 --> 01:33:46,263 Yep. 1650 01:33:47,270 --> 01:33:47,710 Um. 1651 01:33:47,710 --> 01:33:51,650 And that, that's really been about it. Yeah. We've, uh, you know, 1652 01:33:51,780 --> 01:33:55,370 we've been watching some TV shows here and there in between mm-hmm. 1653 01:33:55,450 --> 01:33:55,770 , we. 1654 01:33:55,770 --> 01:33:59,290 Finished Good Omen season two. Yep. And I am, 1655 01:33:59,570 --> 01:34:02,730 I know it'll be a hot minute before we get to season three, but I'm mm-hmm. 1656 01:34:02,770 --> 01:34:04,810 desperate for it. Yeah. Um. 1657 01:34:05,180 --> 01:34:08,490 Especially the way it ended. Oh God. Not gonna go into it for anybody who. 1658 01:34:09,090 --> 01:34:10,970 So good, but also so bad also. 1659 01:34:11,230 --> 01:34:12,063 Ah, yeah. 1660 01:34:12,480 --> 01:34:12,770 Yeah. 1661 01:34:12,770 --> 01:34:16,970 Yeah, yeah. And, um, you know, we are, we're making our way through, 1662 01:34:17,670 --> 01:34:19,970 um, some brain candy tv. 1663 01:34:20,320 --> 01:34:21,570 Legends of Tomorrow, legends. 1664 01:34:21,570 --> 01:34:23,050 Of DC Legends of tomorrow. We're. 1665 01:34:23,050 --> 01:34:25,090 In the last season. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1666 01:34:26,670 --> 01:34:28,930 And, uh, we've already got a couple shows picked out. 1667 01:34:29,510 --> 01:34:30,190 To watch after. 1668 01:34:30,190 --> 01:34:32,050 To watch after . Yep. 1669 01:34:34,060 --> 01:34:37,810 Which, you know, that's, it's, that means that things are relatively calm Yeah. 1670 01:34:37,810 --> 01:34:39,570 When we can actually think mm-hmm. , gee, 1671 01:34:39,570 --> 01:34:43,010 what TV show would we like to watch? So we'll take it. Um, 1672 01:34:43,760 --> 01:34:47,450 Lola is good. Yep. Onyx and Ella are good. 1673 01:34:48,180 --> 01:34:51,170 Everything is as good as mm-hmm. 1674 01:34:51,210 --> 01:34:52,450 good as it can be. Can be. 1675 01:34:52,630 --> 01:34:57,440 Yep. Um, and yeah, so that's us. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Anything else? No, 1676 01:34:57,960 --> 01:34:58,640 I think we should probably. 1677 01:34:58,640 --> 01:35:01,960 Go, I think we should probably go keep it a little short since we did go long, 1678 01:35:02,020 --> 01:35:03,440 but you know, that's, it's okay. 1679 01:35:03,590 --> 01:35:06,040 Yeah. Some, some topics you just go long on. It's true. 1680 01:35:06,040 --> 01:35:08,280 As long as we stay on topic, I think it's okay. That's true. 1681 01:35:08,460 --> 01:35:09,240 And Lola's dreaming. 1682 01:35:09,240 --> 01:35:10,080 And Lola's dreaming again. 1683 01:35:10,920 --> 01:35:13,120 . Oh, that's what I meant to tell you. You, 1684 01:35:13,370 --> 01:35:18,240 while you were not moving over in the bed and letting me have space. Mm-hmm. 1685 01:35:18,280 --> 01:35:20,440 or, uh, in the middle of the night, woke up and went, 1686 01:35:20,500 --> 01:35:22,920 that's my cell phone. Actually, you didn't wake up, you were dreaming. 1687 01:35:22,920 --> 01:35:25,360 That's my cell phone. And then garble, garble, garble. 1688 01:35:25,360 --> 01:35:26,320 I didn't understand what you were talking about. 1689 01:35:26,360 --> 01:35:27,280 I don't know what your dream was, 1690 01:35:27,700 --> 01:35:30,000 but you were adamant that that was your cell phone. 1691 01:35:30,800 --> 01:35:31,760 I don't know what the dream was. 1692 01:35:33,040 --> 01:35:35,360 I don't know. Remember what the dream was either . 1693 01:35:35,360 --> 01:35:37,600 And then after that, then I got you to roll over, so. 1694 01:35:37,630 --> 01:35:40,560 Okay. There was that. Okay. Anyway, anyway, . 1695 01:35:40,560 --> 01:35:41,393 On that note. 1696 01:35:41,400 --> 01:35:45,720 ? Yep. Okay. Yeah, no, I, no memory of, of any dream or anything, 1697 01:35:46,180 --> 01:35:46,600 so mm-hmm. 1698 01:35:46,600 --> 01:35:48,440 Mm-hmm. Adamant that that was your cell phone. 1699 01:35:49,150 --> 01:35:52,080 Yeah, my phone, dammit. Mm-hmm. . . Mm-hmm. . 1700 01:35:52,620 --> 01:35:53,680 Almost your Dom voice. 1701 01:35:54,060 --> 01:35:54,480 Oh. 1702 01:35:54,480 --> 01:35:56,120 Goodness. I don't know. I don't know. I'd like to know, 1703 01:35:56,260 --> 01:35:58,960 but I don't know on that. We're gonna go . Yeah. 1704 01:35:59,300 --> 01:36:01,000 Thanks for joining us folks. Yep. 1705 01:36:01,000 --> 01:36:03,200 Thanks for staying sticking with us to the bitter end. Mm-hmm. . 1706 01:36:03,200 --> 01:36:04,033 We love y'all. Yep. 1707 01:36:04,260 --> 01:36:04,840 Bye. Bye.