You are listening to the Loving B D S M podcast, episode 360 3 K.
The Lord's here with the one, the only, the,
are you quite caffeinated enough yet? John Brownstone?
Maybe.
I, I bought you a decaf. I was worried you'd be overly caffeinated. Well.
I mean, decaf still has some, some.
Yeah. But it's not full octane.
And I've had two full octane already, so I know. That's why.
I got you a decaf. Yeah, thank you. We,
we took advantage of Dunking offering bonus points for mobile orders on
Wednesdays, in case you wondered .
That's not at all what this episode is about, but there we are. . Uh,
this week we're back from break, celebrating our eighth podcast anniversary,
and responding to your kinky hot takes and unpopular opinions shared over on
Instagram. Welcome to the Loving B d Ss M podcast.
If this is your first time listening, glad to have you.
If you're back for another week, welcome back.
Loving B d Ss M is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in education.
And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net.
Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app.
You can also follow the show on Twitter at loving b DSM on FetLife at loving
BDSM PC on Instagram at that handle. I will forever fucking hate .
I also get to hate it over on threads too, at Loving DSS one.
That's the number one. So, at Loving DS one,
or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, where you can watch us live,
stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Okay.
Now that we're all here together, you can turn on the other magic button. I am.
And turn the fan back on. We actually get Woo,
the very unusual experience of not having to close the office Right.
While we do this, because there's nobody home in the middle of.
The day. Nobody home and, and nobody expected to be coming home.
Right? Because, you know, the oldest actually has started,
has started his classes today. Day of recording. That's right.
And his first class was at 7 25 this morning. Not by choice.
That's not a choice he made . So, yeah. He's not coming home.
He's in, he's at his Big boy school. Yep. Um, so we are gonna like,
get into this Before we get into the hot takes and unpopular opinions,
I have a major announcement, something that we did not do last year.
I can't remember why, but I think it's 'cause life was chaotic.
It's chaotic this year, but I had enough time to sit down and think. And so,
, we made this happen. Look.
At you, .
You and I are gonna have a conversation already planned. Oh,
be nice to me, please. And.
Thank you.
She said Submissively. Uh, it technically on the,
I believe 19th of August, it was officially our eighth podcast,
anniversary podcast.
Anniversary.
It's our PO anniversary. I don't know, . Um, and in years past,
we have done giveaways and, but then we skipped it last year. But this year,
we're back now. First of all, if you were like, I do not wanna hear you ramble.
The, the u r l you want is loving bdsm.net/giveaway.
Or you can click the link in the description box on YouTube or the show notes
on, uh, for the podcast. Um, you'll get all the information there.
But we are going to go through this because I might have made it complicated
in order to make it easier later. Um, ,
so we have a total of 10 prizes this year. Mm-hmm.
for a total of 10 winners. My goal was to have eight prizes.
So that one for each year of, we have been doing the podcast. Uh,
and then folks who are super, super generous. So we have 10, um,
the Ry, that's your shop, JB the ry.com. Uh,
we are participating 'cause of course we are. It's us. It's, it's us .
We are giving away two prizes. One,
and now this is where things are gonna get weird. So,
JB is supposed to get up and go behind the camera,
which podcast listeners cannot see to help, uh, focus,
focus in what? I'm gonna try and show the camera. Okay.
But for podcast listeners who won't see it anyway, the pictures are on the,
uh, website loving bdsm.net/giveaway.
And they're gonna be on social media.
So you will be able to see it. Okay.
So the first thing we're gonna talk about is a paddle that we're giving away
from the kry. Do I need to be? Yes. 'cause I wanna show.
This to the camera. Okay. You didn't signal me.
I thought waving the paddle around was the signal, but apparently not.
We need more clear communication. Is that what you're saying?
That's what you're saying. Okay. Uh,
I'm gonna get quiet 'cause I'm gonna be away from the microphone. Here we go.
The paddle is what we call the enforcer. How would you describe this?
Say the words. I'll repeat them. 'cause you're not next to a microphone now.
.
Um, well, one, it's, it's, uh, tiger maple because it's got the tiger stripes.
I.
Thought it was curly maple. It's a li a very light colored wood. Like a creamy,
beige colored wood. Mm-hmm. . The handle is off center. Yeah.
So it's off to the side. Mm-hmm. . Um, it's a very thin paddle,
so that means it's, and it's light. So it's lightweight.
It's gonna be smacky and stinging. Yes, it will be.
So if you are into stinging paddles, this is one you should try to, uh,
enter into win the giveaway. Mm-hmm. . Okay.
The next thing is something that is technically not available at the Kre yet.
Neither is the enforcer. So you're getting, like, stuff you can't buy from us.
Um,
we are gonna have wax play kits coming at the holidays with a knife,
wood knife. That is not available for sale on our shop.
And so it will only.
Be available with the.
Kits. With the kits, exactly. Um,
one paraffin and one soy wax candle.
And this special wooden knife.
I'm gonna try and get close to the camera Podcast listeners. Don't worry.
If you go to the U R L, you can see the picture,
the wooden knife that I picked out of the group that you have made so far.
Mm-hmm. is a made of winge. Am I saying that right? Correct.
Winge, that's a very dark brown, almost black wood.
And then the candles are our small three ounce. And I did dye free that way.
I didn't have to try and choose colors for anybody.
And that way if you've got any allergies to dye, this would be safe for you.
So that will be another prize. You can win. Then, then, then,
then, then, then, um, us loving B D S M, uh,
our Etsy shop, we have a giveaway. I only have a couple of things to show.
'cause some of what we're giving away is digital as well. Um,
for the loving B D S M, we call it the merch gift pack.
You will win all three of our current workbooks.
Um, both of our enamel pens and a sticker pack pens. Rest.
Look, I'm Southern. It comes out one way pen.
It's a pen. They're all pens. But if I add the word enamel,
most people know what I'm talking about.
I'm gonna show these the camera right now. One of our pins says, keep it kinky,
y'all. 'cause that's like our tagline. And one is our actual logo,
and then the sticker pack. There's,
I'm not gonna like spend too much time on these,
but I call it our impact place sticker pack.
It's stickers of paddles and crops and cute illustrations of spanked
booties. Oh my. Um, I know it's very fun. Um,
I'll try and show some of it to the camera. And again,
this is online and by the end of the day of recording,
it should be on social media too. Now that's us. That's what we're contributing.
And then we had two amazing companies that donated items
for giveaway.
I'm gonna start with our longtime friend of the podcast.
Not that the other company is not also a longtime friend. Um,
and I'm gonna start with this particular longtime friend who I know is in the
live chat on YouTube. Te you and his company elegantly owned,
he has generously donated three day collars and two locks.
So that's five prizes y'all. Five prizes.
Now I'm gonna read what taste you kindly wrote for me,
because he knew I would be confused,
to tell you what this is like.
Um, okay. So we're gonna start. Hey daddy,
do you think you could hold this in front of the,
the camera while I read? That's number one.
It's dark blue. It's called a crushed Velvet style. Uh,
heart pendant secrecy day collar, uh,
secrecy Collars are locking collars designed to blend into more conservative
situations when discretion is a priority. This is a perfect day collar.
It's made with stainless steel with a resin heart on a nickel plated base.
Just be aware of possible metal sensitivities.
It's 24 7 wearable and comes with two hex keys.
It is a 16 and a half inch day collar.
Now the next one is called cloud style.
It is the same style of color.
It's just that the lock, uh, has a different bit of resin on it.
It's like a white greeny, bluey turquoisey color.
It's beautiful. And then the third color, again,
pictures are@lovingbdsm.net. Give oh away. Okay.
Then the third color I got a little fuzz on it is called the hover pendant.
And it has a beautiful purpley color to it. And it's a very unique pendant.
It is, is not a heart color lock. Um,
this is the hover pendant secrecy, dayco,
all stainless steel construction, including pendant with crystal center.
As with all secrecy day collars,
it's designed to pass as a vanilla necklace while remaining secure and locked.
Um, it's also a good option for those with metal sensitivities.
So that is a prize. And then we have two,
what are called ocean flow style heart locks. These are just locks, not collars.
So if you already have a collar, you can add this. Um,
another thing that taste you is,
has kindly done is you can, if you're like, okay, I want a collar,
but 16 and a half inches is not for me. That's too small, that's too big,
that's too whatever. Um,
you can currently save 15% off at elegantly owned on
Etsy, um, with the coupon code.
Crickets.
So if you want something that's more to your style or in a size that works for
you, you can, uh, take advantage of that, um,
through the giveaway and even a little beyond.
I believe the coupon code ends on September 6th. Okay?
They're two colors. They're both pinky purpley locks, locks. I said colors.
I'm sorry. They're locks. They come with two keys.
This is resin on a nickel plated, heart-shaped lock,
24 7 wearable comes with two keys.
But just be aware of possible metal sensitivities.
If you know that you can't handle nickel plated stuff,
this might not be for you.
And that's why I set these giveaways up the way I did.
So that whatever type of prize you want, whether it's a collar or lock,
or it's a paddle from the kry, or it's a wax play kit,
you can actually enter the giveaways separately.
So you're only trying to win what you want.
You can enter all of them, that is fine. Um,
but that way you're not potentially going to win something you did not want to
win in the first place. That would be no fun. Um, and then last but not least,
we have products from Twisted Mountain Toys,
which are so gorgeous.
I'm gonna keep them in the plastic. I don't want us to touch them. This,
there's a big green baby called the traffic cone. Oh gosh.
The traffic cone stretcher. It is a, I would say narrow tip,
but, but that's in the eye of the beholder with a very wide base.
If you know what a traffic cone looks like,
it's that and it's a beautiful emerald green. Then there's one called hyper,
which is like a rosy pink.
It is a perfectly cylindrical, straight up and down, no ,
no extra texture or anything.
The or beautiful hand poured silicone insertables.
You insert 'em in the orifice of your choice. It almost matches my shirt.
It does almost match your shirt. Again,
the pictures are at loving bdsm.net/giveaway.
I will hopefully keep saying that until, make that easier for folks to remember.
Um, my job here. Done. Are we back in focus? Yes. Then yes.
Thank you. Thank you.
My lovely assistant and Daddy Dom John Brownstone, um,
podcast listeners. Let me just say, you can come watch this part of the video.
I'll have, uh, time stamped it out for people to find easily,
hopefully. Um,
or you can go on social media or you can go to loving
bdsm.net/giveaway. How many times can I say this? So here are the things.
The giveaway is open to all. If you're located in North America,
you, the uk, you, I said Europe, but if you're in the eu,
if your country is in the eu, you can enter this, uh,
New Zealand and Australia.
I tried to think of every country that I know people who listen or watch
are located in and include them. Uh,
the giveaway is open through September 2nd. That's, I believe,
a Saturday or Sunday, 11:59 PM Eastern. Uh,
the way we have it set up at loving bdsm.net/giveaway is you can enter in
separate giveaways. Like if you are not interested in a paddle,
you don't have to enter that giveaway and be considered for that prize.
If you are interested in all of them, yes, you can enter into all of them.
They all have requirements to earn entries.
If you do the things to earn entries on one giveaway and
it's repeated on another giveaway,
you just have to click the button to say you already did it.
If it's follow us on Twitter or like, or follow us on Instagram,
there's no way to do that more than once. So you did it once.
It counts for all the other things you enter. Um,
we will keep talking about, um,
the giveaway, um,
over the next couple of weeks. I was gonna say, how long will the giveaway run?
I just said that through September 2nd. Okay. I was busy meeting you. Were busy.
but's. Good to repeat these things, so it's fine. Thank you.
Now the day of recording August 23rd. Podcast listeners,
you will hear this on the 25th, but as the moment you're listening to this,
as soon as this episode comes out through September 2nd, uh,
2020 3, 11 50 9:00 PM Eastern,
you can continue to enter. Um, there is,
uh,
one thing that you can do daily if you want,
which is you can share a favorite episode or video to earn entry points. Um,
please don't spam your online communities with our links
just to earn, uh, entry point entries into the giveaway. Please don't do that.
, please, please,
please don't make people mad at us before they even know who we are. .
Uh, so, um, yeah.
So giveaway is at loving bdsm.net/giveaway. Uh,
if you're interested in callers or locks from elegantly owned that are not part
of the giveaway,
please go check out Tissue's Etsy shop link in the places or search elegantly
owned on Etsy. Get 15% off with the coupon code. Crickets.
Put an S on the in there. That is good. Through September 6th. Um,
if you like the look or, and are interested in, uh, hand poured,
any silicone insertable, anythings, uh, please check out Twisted Mountain Toys.
They definitely do more than the two styles that we have for giveaway.
And they do colors other than this,
that beautiful emerald green and that pretty dusty roses are beautiful colors.
So, um, and then loving B D S M Etsy shop,
we're doing a podcast anniversary sale there. It's 20% off on our Etsy shop.
Um, and you don't need a coupon for that. I was like,
I don't wanna keep up with that. So ,
I just made the whole darn shop on sale. Um, so yeah,
details about the giveaway are at loving bdsm.net/giveaway.
That was the longest commercial . Yes.
That was so long. Um, okay,
there we go. We hope, uh, y'all enter to win. We, um mm-hmm.
can't wait to give away. Great stuff. Um,
we will be shipping them out. So the way it'll work is the, um,
when I say we'll be shipping out, letting you know, we,
they will be coming from us. They'll be mailed from us, from Florida in the us.
Um,
what was the other thing I was gonna say before it just flew out of my brain.
Um, oh.
So the giveaway ends at the end of September 2nd, 1150 9:00 PM
Eastern. Uh, within a week we'll do the random selection of winners.
Um, we will reach out to those people. They'll have 48 hours to respond.
If we don't get a response, we'll have to draw again. So,
we'll, yeah, we'll need a way to get in contact with you,
whether it's DMM through whatever your social media is or your email, like,
whatever. But yeah,
we be watching those things so that you can know if you won or not,
because I,
I have done giveaways in the past and then held onto the prizes for literal
months, waiting for people to get ahold of, to get back in contact. Mm-hmm.
. And I don't, I don't wanna play that game this time. .
Okay. That was a lot of fucking shit.
And now we can get into the actual episode.
Finally.
I know, right? Um, so, uh,
my brain is, is empty and, and stuttering and has been. So I went,
um, I'm gonna let other people tell me what to talk about this way,
. I was like, what's on y'all's mind? Um,
so over on Instagram at that handle, I fucking hate, uh,
I asked for y'all's kinky, B D S M D ss, however you wanna think of it.
Hot takes and unpopular opinions, and we're gonna read them.
We'll not say anybody's name to get, you know,
make sure everybody has anonymity. Um,
and we will react slash respond to your kinky hot take or, uh,
unpopular opinion. Uh, we may agree with you completely. We may not.
I read one that I went, well,
that's a spicy take and I don't think I agree. So we'll get there.
I also have the benefit that I see these as they come in and j b's going in,
like with no preconceived notions, you get,
this is gonna be your first reaction to everything. I enjoy that.
Okay. . So.
A little too much. I'd say here.
Is the first one. Okay.
Hot take slash unpopular opinion that the communication needed and
trust B D S M builds can improve your overall relationship health.
Yeah, I agree with that completely. I, I.
I agree with that.
I wouldn't call that, I don't know. I'm like, is is that a hot take?
I'm sure there are some people who probably have compartmentalized in their
mind mm-hmm. the B D S M kink side of a relationship,
and then the rest of their relationship. I'm, I'm not one of those people.
So to me it's like, well, yes, all these skills are transferable.
If you can learn how to communicate in a kink aspect and build that kind of
trust, then I do think you have to be mindful.
I think you have to be focusing on the other parts of your relationship.
I don't think you can kind of, you know, go, oh, well we have,
it's good over on the, our kinky side.
It doesn't matter for the rest of our relationship. I,
I think you do have to like, have some intentionality.
With it. Oh, yeah. You, you can't just like, yeah, okay. Everything, you know,
this is doing great here. Just let the other coast know you can't do that.
You know? But No, I, I agree with that. And I think it,
it not only covers relationships, I think it can, can also, uh,
fall into, uh, in many cases, family, relationships, um,
and even work.
I think so too.
I think the skills that you can learn about communication and building trust
and, you know, intimacy and vulnerability even are mm-hmm. ,
those are all transferable skills at the height of the oldest's. Uh,
hardest teenage years, uh, known as middle school, .
.
Um, so the 12 to 14 ish age range,
uh, we were at a loss for how to get through to him.
And it really did kind of go over into early high school years too. Yeah.
And you, you and I were like, what are we gonna do? And I finally went, wait,
wait, wait. We know how to talk to one another. Empower Exchange,
and how to communicate really difficult things. Mm-hmm. ,
why aren't we using different language, obviously? Well, yeah. ,
why aren't we just doing the same thing.
But using the same techniques? Right. Right.
And when we kind of made that shift, it,
it didn't immediately get easier.
The teenager was still a teenager and we had been trying to be super
authoritarian with somebody who just doesn't respond to that. Yeah. Just,
just doesn't, that's his personality. And so he didn't trust it at first,
but over time, as we mm-hmm.
and we had to get more comfortable with it,
we were much more used to going, you have to do this 'cause I'm, I'm the parent,
you're the kid. This is what I tell you to do.
And it became collaborative in the way that our power exchange is collaborative.
We don't have the kind of power exchange where most of the time you go,
you do this. 'cause I said so in fuckery, yes,
in certain situations sometimes, but in general it's very collaborative.
It's very back and forth mm-hmm. .
And so we started taking those communication skills and applying it to parenting
and Correct. I think it's worked out well.
. Yes. . Yeah.
I think it's worked out well. So yes,
I absolutely agree with all the things that help you build a solid B D SS m
mm-hmm. relationship transfer into the rest of your,
can transfer into the rest of your relationship.
And then I think those skills are transferable. There.
You go.
Okay. Next one. Ah, okay. Okay, here we go.
We, as in subs, we parenthetical subs. Mm-hmm.
are rejecting progressive politics and reclaiming
our authentic values.
I'm gonna let that marinate for you.
You want me to read it again so you can Okay. Yeah. Read it,
read it one more time. We subs mm-hmm.
subs are rejecting progressive politics and reclaiming our
authentic values. Now, you know,
I've got thoughts, but I want, I want you to have the opportunity to react. So,
so please.
.
Yeah. No, . I,
I don't think that's how it works.
I, and I think it's a problematic statement. Yeah. For multiple reasons.
It's a very, like, it's a simple, it's, it's a few words.
It's a very simple mm-hmm. , but a lot is packed in here. Yeah.
There is.
So I feel like the subs being referenced here are assumed
to all be cis women because progressive politics mm-hmm.
in the way I think of progressive politics.
And if you're new around here in hadn't quite figured it out.
I do consider myself progressive, liberal, big D,
Democrat. Like, however you need to think of that, that yeah. That uh,
progressive politics is kind of a,
like a sticky statement because what does that specifically mean to this person?
I mean, they might've, well just said the word woke in the, not the,
it's been taken over by people who want it to mean something.
It doesn't actually mean, but whatever. Yeah. Kind of way in. And I'm just,
and and authentic values. Whose authentic values?
No single, like, no, not even one specific group.
All technically have the same exact values.
We as individuals have our own individual set of values,
and sometimes they align with a group and there's a Venn diagram,
and we might agree in some places. Mm-hmm. .
So I'm reading this as what this person is really saying is that women
being submissive goes back to air quote traditional ways. Yeah.
Where we would like to make countries quote Great. Again.
And the question that has to be asked Great for who, uh, and I,
I fundamentally reject this, um, quite frankly, the,
the kink community in places where it is safe for folks to kind of come together
as community tends to be like, really, really,
what's the word I want? Oh God. The word just slipped. It's diverse. Yeah.
It's all genders, not just the binary. Like, to me,
this sounds like the person rejects the fact that gender is a spectrum and not a
strict binary. Mm-hmm. , um, not always.
I have certainly met some like hardcore conservatives in the kink world,
and I do question how you who could get fired, lose your children,
and be shunned by your family for being kinky. Who are you judging? The rest?
But I'm just saying, um, ,
but like some of the most progressive spaces I per personally have ever been in
have been kink spaces. And so
what No,
I fundamentally disagree because we're, this statement reads to me like,
well,
we're pretending that men who are submissive just don't exist or are somehow
invalid. That neither is true. Um,
that people who are not within the gender binary cannot be kinky. Mm-hmm.
and or submissive. We know that's not true.
If you look around for more than like half a second,
you see that that's not true. Mm-hmm. . Um, and what are quote,
authentic values that reads like a dog whistle to me? Yeah. Like just,
it it does, it, it re it's no mm-hmm. . No. That's a hot take.
I fundamentally.
Disagree with. I I, I have to disagree with it too,
because it's so straight and narrow.
But there's only one way, you.
Know, there's only one way.
That's a one true way kind of statement. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All women are submissive. Only women can be submissive.
And I would imagine they probably mean cis women. Right. Um,
all men then are dominant. There's no other way I.
That, that falls right into whole thing with, with on.
And I used to think that it was something that was outdated,
but I I have seen it popping up in a few communities, um, that say,
you know, switches aren't a real thing.
Oh, Jesus. I know, I know.
You know, I hate.
That too. Yeah.
It's because somebody has decided for themselves very narrowly what this means.
And the, the part that they're not saying or thinking is for myself,
I've decided what this means for myself mm-hmm.
and what they've done is gone. This is what this means.
And then they think it means for everybody. And there are, yeah.
There can be groups of people who call,
who become a community who think that way too. We've seen it online.
It happens in person. Absolutly groupthink is a thing. Mm-hmm. ,
it happens to everybody. It is everybody,
regardless of where you are on a political spectrum or a human spectrum,
can get into a bubble where you only are hearing things reflected back at
you that you agree and it, it, it can happen.
But if the things that you're only hearing negate the humanity of
somebody else, maybe that's not a great bubble.
And I don't particularly like that bubble, and I won't join it. Mm-hmm.
and I will try to pop that fucking bubble from the outside by
being a very annoying person. Yeah. Who keeps saying what you, you know mm-hmm.
the opposite of what some people think. Right. Um, . So
yes.
Subs are not in some massive group rejecting progressive politics.
I've become more progressive, quite fucking frankly, . Um,
and I don't even know what authentic value, whose authentic values. Yeah.
I mean, is, are, are,
can we just say we're upholding white supremacy and patriarchy here?
Because those are the values that people tend to think of. They're like,
I wanna go back to when it was quote, great. And, you know,
well, when women couldn't have a credit card, when,
when black people had to sit at the back of a bus when it's not that it's
changed when you can be killed for your gender, your appearance,
your skin color, your like, and, and let's be clear, none of that's changed.
So for anybody who showed up at one point and did not think that this was,
that we were even slightly progressive. Sorry. You've been disabused of that.
Sorry, we weren't louder. .
I'm gonna get off of this one because I don't feel like I'm making a lot of
sense. I feel like the people who, uh, hear what I hear.
Yeah.
I'm looking at the live chat and some of us are very much together on this one.
Mm-hmm. . Yeah. This is a hot take I fundamentally disagree with.
Okay. Next one.
Kinks need to stop thinking that DSS relationships are inherently better than
vanilla relationships. Um,
like on their own. Yeah. No context. DSS is better than vanilla.
Stop thinking that. What's your reaction?
I think there's a certain truth to that. I.
I agree with that. Um, not no relationship,
no one relationship style is better than.
All better than, than than any other. Right. Um, you know, I
Mm, yeah. I mean, I I have seen it that, you know, some people in kink,
they think, you know, oh, you know, this, this is the only way to do it. And,
and, you know, vanilla is wrong. And, and it's not. Neither one is right.
Neither one is wrong. They're, they're all good in their own way. Mm-hmm.
, and, you know, not everybody's gonna be into kink.
Not everybody's gonna be into vanilla. So, you know.
I think it goes back to the, A person finds what is right for them, for them,
and they stop saying the Yeah. For them part mm-hmm. , like,
they don't say, DSS relationship is right for me. They go,
DSS relationship is right. Everything else is then wrong for you. Like for me,
that is pretty accurate.
I know that we talk good game about how if something were to happen and the
power exchange went away, we're still in it. We, there's other things mm-hmm.
that bind us and connect us. Correct. But quite frankly,
if you're asking me right now, and ,
the year of our Lord 2023,
I'm gonna tell you DSS is the only kind of relationship style I want. Correct.
It is what is right for me. Yeah. But what happens, again,
people realize a truth for themselves.
And then not all people forget that that truth is not a truth for everybody
else. Mm-hmm. , vanilla relationships can, and it's goes back to,
it's like when I talk about things that power exchange relationships, quote,
need or ought to do, or these are best practices or whatever,
and somebody will always come kind of outta the woodwork and go,
those are right for, those are good for vanilla relationships too. You're right.
You're right. I agree.
I think that more vanilla relationships should have the communication style that
we try to practice and try to learn in kink, absa, fucking lly.
I think all relationships are better when the communication is clear and open
and the boundaries are strong and stated. Yeah.
And when we're trying to negotiate who does what and how do we do it,
Absa fucking lly. Mm-hmm. .
But just because there are those of us in kink who have gained those skills and
who,
who live and abide by those skills and so have hopefully better
relationship outcomes,
does not mean that vanilla is somehow immediately wrong for not doing it. Right.
'cause let's be real,
there are plenty of kinky relationships that don't do best practices like they
should either.
Exactly. And, and, you know,
you can say what you want about vanilla relationships or non, you know, um,
no, I'm, anyway, they,
a lot of relationships
use those communications and different Right. They just.
Don't have the language that we Right. They don't have, they don't call it what.
We call it. They don't call it what we call it. Right. Yeah. Right. So,
you know, yeah. I I think there, there is a little bit of, um,
um, gatekeeping in that aspect mm-hmm. , um,
I've kind of been guilty of it here and there mm-hmm. , um,
I'm not exempt from it. Sure. Um, you know, I, I think it's,
it's something I've noticed a little bit more in
how people, uh, reflect and respond mm-hmm. about it.
And, um, yeah. I I don't think it's a, a good thing, you know?
No. It, it pits an, it's an us versus them. It,
when you have a way of thinking that says,
this way that I'm in is better than mm-hmm. others,
and you don't add the for me to it. You, even if you don't mean to,
you're in a one true way kind of thinking. Mm-hmm. , it's all,
as long as, you know, it's all potentially valid.
Are there things about vanilla relationships that are not that great?
Of course there are the lack of communication, the lack of just going,
whose role is this gonna be? And I don't mean in a power exchange,
but who's gonna wash the dishes? Who's gonna clean the toilets?
Who's gonna mm-hmm. Pay the bills? Who's like, the,
the things that don't get talked about in a majority of the vanilla re
relationships out there are to the detriment of vanilla relationships.
But that does not mean that vanilla relationships are automatically bad because
they're not doing things that hopefully most, uh,
kinky relationships are doing. Um, so yeah,
I think it goes back to we find what works for us and we reject what we used to
do because we realize it no longer works for us,
but we forget that's an individual choice that does not apply to every single
solitary soul out there. Right. And there, because we know, we,
I think we all know intellectually that not everybody's kinky.
And for some people that is never gonna work for them.
So then the only thing they can have is a vanilla relationship if they're not
kinky. And so then therefore,
are you saying that they're doomed to have awful relationships because they're
vanilla? Of course not. Like that's, I.
Mean, that.
Doesn't even make sense. So, yeah. I.
I I think that you, this is an, you have to look at, you know,
your relationship's, not my relationship, but your relationship's. Okay.
Right.
kind of thing.
Your flavor is not my flavor, but your flavor is.
Okay. Yeah. .
And it kind of boggles my mind how those principles are.
It goes back to what we said about communication skills. Mm-hmm. ,
they're all transferrable. Right. Right. The, your kink is not my kink, blah,
blah, blah. That's a transferrable thing. And that applies to like, everything.
Again, my personal line is,
are you invalidating the humanity of others and or causing physical, mental,
emotional harm or damage to individuals or communities? Okay.
Then shut the fuck up with those opinions. But if we're talking about, I,
I'm happy in my non kink relationship mm-hmm. ,
and you are happy in your kink relationship. Like,
just leave people alone. Let them let them be non kinky. Yeah. Like, just,
just let them, let them be non kinky . So Yeah.
That sters need to stop thinking Ds relationships are inherently better than
vanilla relationships is an opinion we agree with. Right. Okay. Here's one,
and I, uh.
Oh.
I think it, okay.
Calling a dynamic master slave is weird to me,
given what those words historically refer to i e
slavery. Yeah. I don't disagree.
With that. No, I don't either. I think that.
If people take those titles and they,
they work through that with themselves and their mm-hmm.
deities and their partners and their communities,
and they think about, like,
I'm not here to tell people they can't use those words,
but as somebody who does not use those words Yes, I agree with that. .
It does feel it's hard for me. Yeah.
It is hard for me personally.
I, and, and I I agree. And, and yet for me,
it's something that I have been so familiarized with
Sure. In a sense, through, through the years I've been in the community mm-hmm.
. Um, and you know, I,
I've heard several people, um,
you know, use, um,
alternatives. Mm. But even the alternatives still have that Sure. That thing,
the.
Connotation exists.
Yeah. The, the connotation still exists.
So, you know, is, is it one of those things that,
you know, okay, this particular aspect of the lifestyle does not fit you.
And I think it's.
Always that. Yeah. Yeah. I think if, if a, if a term weirds you out mm-hmm.
, that that is, um,
definitely a clear sign that is not a term for you that does not fit you.
How many people get weirded out over daddy, dom, mommy dom,
little baby girl baby? Like,
because kink plays on the fringes of what is
acceptable. Yeah. It doesn't have to be, quote, an edge kink,
which that's a debatable thing to define anyway. Mm-hmm.
for it to be taboo. All of it is taboo to some extent.
Some things have become more normalized in recent years. Uh, see,
choking for one, how that's normalized , I don't know. Just, you know.
Okay.
And so we using certain words and con the connotations of those words mm-hmm.
and how they can make people feel.
And sometimes that feeling that people have is icky. I get it. It's,
I think it goes back to these things have always been taboo for,
and I'm not a historian and I'm not a good person, cultural, blah, blah, blah.
I can't discuss like why that's taboo. I'm not educated enough of that. Mm-hmm.
other than like the obvious things, right.
Like the daddy and the little, and the, and the master and the slave.
Like those, I think those are clear to why those would be taboo.
But everything we do in kink,
to some extent plays on the edges of what is acceptable by society.
I do think that there, um,
is room for,
and I think people are having these conversations about the use of language and
what that means. And I think that it,
the things I've seen have come down to personal choice again. Mm-hmm.
, if those words are out bounds for you,
they're outta bounds for you. Yeah.
It's not a way I would ever describe myself or at this point,
you in our dynamic. So therefore we don't, but also we don't,
and I don't think this person is either,
I think they're just sort of saying a thing. Right. 'cause they even said the,
to me, kind of that,
that part that gets left out of a lot of these kinds of statements,
they said it, it's a personal thing.
So for some people it's not gonna bother 'em.
And for some people it's definitely gonna bother them. Mm-hmm. ,
I think that if, um,
there are communities primarily of black people,
but people of color having conversations about this language and the use and how
they feel, I think that's definitely worth paying attention to. Yes.
And listening to, uh, as white people,
we will not ever interject ourselves into that conversation ever,
ever, ever. Um, but I, it goes back to, okay,
if it gives you an ick feeling that that tells you it is, it is not a,
it's not the one for you don't use it. Um,
I think as long as we don't kind of go around trying to police what other people
are doing,
but I do think there are valid conversations to be had about the history of
words and why these words might, are they, could they be problematic?
I don't know. I'm not,
I'm not the right person to have to have much to say about that.
But I think in the places where those conversations might be happening,
they're certainly worth paying attention to and thinking about it and then
making that personal decision for yourself, you know? Yeah. So,
yeah. That's, I get it. I get it. Mm-hmm. , but when I have that,
Ooh, that's, that's too, uh, for me, that just means, okay, that's not,
that's not my jam. I won't, I won't use that. That won't,
that one won't apply to me. Now.
Here's, here's an interesting thought, and I, I hope I,
I expressed this correctly.
Do you think there are people that use those terms to, um,
try and take the power out of 'em?
Probably. Probably. I, I have no doubt that the, that, that exists. I,
you know, I would not even doubt that for a second. Um,
I'd know, was it, was it Molina Williams?
I read an essay by her in one of our kink books,
and I don't remember which kink book,
but she wrote an essay about the power of those words, master Slave.
And I believe Molina is, I don't, she might be a switch,
but I know that she, you know,
submits to at least certain partners mm-hmm. . Um, and there was,
oh, can I find it? Hold on a second. I know I read it.
Oh, I can't find the book. No. Mm-hmm.
No, I cannot.
I had a book and there were essays in it with personal kink experiences
and that that was something that she talked about. Okay. Yeah. Um,
so yeah,
come on, Pete. Thank you. Rah rah. Molina's submissive to her husband. Okay.
I couldn't, I, she's an educator. She,
my might do performance stuff writer,
like she does a lot of things and I can't. Okay. Yeah.
And rah rah is saying in the live chat, Molina loves race play,
and that's something that she talks about. And that,
that's one of those instances where like in that essay,
if I could find the fucking book it's in, um, that's worth paying attention to.
And like digesting that information and going, okay,
that informs how I see these things, or, you know,
what I think about them and how I feel. But, you know, that's,
that's kind of the, the space for me. I feel like that that's my lane ,
that's my, that's my personal lane. Are your batteries charged?
But I do think that the general rule,
regardless of the titles or the labels or the words, is if they,
they give you a weird feeling,
then that just definitely means they're not for you.
I do think it's worth investigating. Mm-hmm. .
But I think that the thing to remember, and I know people talk about this,
we don't talk about it enough. We are very much in the,
the practice of normalizing within the king community power exchange,
but is a reminder that all of this is considered taboo somewhere
to someone in, right. And we play on the edges of what's air quote this word,
like heavy air quotes acceptable.
So that is also something too to think about. Okay.
Next one.
It's difficult being a high protocol person in a mostly swinger
open poly kink scene. , I would imagine that's very true. . Yeah.
Yeah.
If you are in a community or a scene where it's like very much a more
relaxed, let's chat and talk, let's like figure out, you know, oh,
I'm in mm-hmm. , and you yourself were like, okay,
I have very specific rules. I follow . Yep.
They govern my actions mm-hmm. Through all this. I can imagine.
Big challenge, especi high challenge protocol. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
And really high protocol is in the eye of the beholder.
One person's high protocol could be another person's loosey goosey. Right. Like,
could not imagine living. That's, that's very true. That relaxed of a life.
Mm-hmm. . But, um, but yeah.
High protocol tends to have a lot of rules that govern how
both partners, but in general, definitely the submissive behaves. Absolutely.
How they carry themselves, where they look, who they talk to.
Who they talk to in.
Many cases, how they speak when they speak. Mm-hmm. ,
what they do when they do it. Gaining permission. Like there's,
there's usually a lot, a lot, a lot that can go into high protocol. Right.
Right. And in a very relaxed kind of scene community,
I can imagine that being difficult. I can imagine that being difficult. Mm-hmm.
, I can.
I can.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. .
Mm-hmm. .
. I.
Can't, I don't have much to add to that, but.
Yeah. No, no. But I, I can, I can kind of feel the, uh.
And you know, I think,
I think it's good to the extent that it is when it is healthy for a person to do
and it is not like detrimental to them,
I think it's good and okay to find yourself in community spaces
that are not a mirror of what you already do. Right? Mm-hmm.
like to be that really relaxed person and go into a situation
where there's more structure, there's more rules, higher protocol,
it's not a bad thing. Right. The opposite is not a bad thing. However,
I think because of what community can do for folks,
I think that it can be challenging if you feel like the,
you know, the quote ugly, not, I don't, don't mean ugly duckling,
but that sort of thing of wrong bird, the nest. Yeah.
And you don't look like anybody else.
It's sometimes what we wanna be is around people who kind of get us and we don't
have to explain every single thing we're trying to do. Mm-hmm. .
And so if you find yourself like the odd duck out in the
community you have access to, it's probably worth looking. I,
I don't think you should reject that community.
'cause we can learn things from each other even when we have completely
different styles. Sure. But I think that there's value in finding mm-hmm.
your community of people who get you Yeah.
So that you don't have to have a 10 minute, you know,
speech planned about why you do these things.
Like the people in the room kind of get it. Yeah. That being said,
and some of the best community spaces I've ever been in, people would,
you could see, they might not understand, but it was,
they just accepted people for who they were. They went, oh,
that's the way you do it. Okay. And then mm-hmm. , you know,
I've been fortunate enough not to be in places where,
because we did something different than other people that we weren't questioning
grilled and like practically interviewed about.
It. Like Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Like having to justify ourselves.
If you find yourself in that situation, I don't care what the,
the community's like, I don't think that's a good space for you.
You shouldn't have to justify your.
Your That is true existence. That is.
True. I do think that if there can sometimes be like, not in this,
I don't think high protocol would be it,
but there can be situations where somebody on the outside doesn't understand and
they worry that something is harmful.
Mm-hmm. .
I mean, there's,
there's conversation to be had about how to handle those situations,
but just because somebody's different from you, they shouldn't. You, we, like,
there's, if you're being alienated or feeling alienated from the group,
'cause you're like different from the rest of that group, that's a problem,
you know? Yeah. So. Yep. But, okay,
let me get back into it. Okay. Here we go. I think.
Okay. We've got a couple left. This one kink is not for everyone.
Some folks don't need that much vulnerable access to people. I mean,
I agree completely.
I, I agree. Yeah. Kink.
Is not for everyone. No. It's not just in general. Mm-hmm. ,
I agree with that one completely.
And, and not, you know, and, and you can ize that down.
Not every aspect of kink is for everyone. You know,
there um, is a
train of thought that just because someone is in the lifestyle and they're
submissive, that makes them also a masochist. Right. You know, which is not,
you can be sub you,
you could be submissive and not have a masochistic bone in your body and you.
Can be a masochistic.
And, and not have a submissive bone in your body and not submit at all. Right?
Yeah. Yeah. You know, you're, you're there just for the,
for the impact play and, and the, and the pain play. Mm-hmm. ,
you know, so it, it, it is so varied again, you know, it's not.
And you know, I think that I've seen this periodically, not a lot,
and not recently, thank God, but there's mm-hmm. some,
there are those out there who will say publicly where the rest of us can see it.
Um, well, everybody's a little bit kinky,
but only if they define it that way. Like I, I mean,
I could objectively look at what I think people do and go Well sure.
Through my lens I might call that kinky and go, yeah.
Everybody's a little bit kinky. Mm-hmm. like,
I get to have inside thoughts and think what I want. Right. Right.
But I don't get to apply that to everybody. If somebody's like, I am not kinky.
I do not want to be kinky, then trying to tell people,
but everybody's a little bit kinky that Right.
That negates what somebody is telling you that's very dismissive. Mm-hmm.
. And some people don't want, don't want to be and aren't.
And you know, quite frankly, I wish some people just weren't,
because some people are harmful. True. And they use mm-hmm. , they,
they use kink as, they use the language of kink almost as a weapon.
Like they know the right things to say to lure people in,
and then they get them there and they get a, a modicum of trust.
They appear to be, you know, sharing vulnerabilities and being intimate.
And then they use that to, to cause harm to others.
And I don't have solutions on what we do for that other than to keep people
aware and educated. Mm-hmm. . But, you know, I do,
I wish sometimes I had a magic wand where I could go, boop,
you're not allowed to be kinky anymore. . Yes. I wish I did.
I don't,
but yeah. . And would I walk around with a,
a wand and go, boop, when I am, uh, applying my magic? Yes.
Yes. I would, the boop is ne a necessary part of that. Will you.
Put you in charge of that? Nobody.
Has put me in charge of shit , and maybe that's the problem. Okay.
, could I sort it all out with a.
Or maybe a good thing? I don't know. With.
Five minutes to think and a big diet Coke, probably . Actually,
the way I have sorted out the world in the past is with one or two super close
friends, a big thing of queso that gets new.
One gets sent out every time it empties and a picture of margaritas.
I can solve the world problems with enough of that.
Okay. Okay. Just.
Saying. But these days it's more of,
can I get five minutes to myself and a diet coke? I,
I can come up with some solutions. .
One of them is taking away kink privileges from the abusers. Thanks. .
I feel like that would be a net. Good. I dunno. But yeah. Okay. So here,
so the thing about hot takes and unpopular opinions,
you're gonna get into sticky topics as we already have.
I'm already like bracing myself for like the snide hate comment about our
liberal leaning politics. I'm sorry we weren't louder about it. Mm-hmm.
, we once did an entire episode about it, so . Um, anyway,
but.
Oh boy. So.
Think about hot takes and unpopular opinions. Oh gosh, here's our very last one.
All right.
Regression and little space shouldn't be sexualized.
That has been such a hot, a bone.
Contention.
I know. Topic.
And I, I don't live within this part of the community. No.
I don't have a clear opinion one way or the other.
I feel like the statement is a blanket statement. Mm-hmm.
That's supposed to cover all people. Yeah.
And I tend to push back from
some, not all, like, let's go back to we have our personal line.
Let's not harm humanity here. Right.
I tend to push back from blanket statements because I'm always thinking,
but wait, I can absolutely see, envision somebody
like I feel, I don't know. I don't know. I dunno. ,
I understand. I think the energy where this comes from,
because it goes back to what those people who are in the caregiver little
dynamic are often accused of. Mm-hmm. ,
we're gonna try not to say that word, but you know, the word,
it's affiliate word, you know the word I'm talking about. Mm-hmm. .
I mean, I, I I think it's one I I,
I'd have to say it's one of those things,
it is up to the individual to decide.
And I.
You know.
Yeah, I know. It's, again,
we go back to b d ss m like swims in
taboo. Mm-hmm. ,
it swims on the fringes of what is acceptable by society.
And I don't know enough about any of this to feel like I have an
informed opinion. I understand the energy behind this mm-hmm. ,
and like that part of me that like says, you know, yeah.
That certain thing is actually really bad. And yes, I, I, I,
but I don't know because I can't speak,
I can't speak from a place of having engaged in age, play, or regressed.
Yeah. You know, age. Yeah. The, I I.
I, I think it's one of those things that the people
involved have to consent.
Yes.
To. Um, you know, and.
I know I, the thing is, is there are a lot of things that kink sters play with,
not all kink ster, nothing's universal. Mm-hmm.
But there are things that occur in kink that without
the
structure of everybody's a legal fucking adult. Mm-hmm. ,
consent, clear informed,
ideally enthusiastic consent, um, trust, intimacy,
integrity, you know? Right. All of the things, like,
there are things that without those things, yes. What,
what is happening is illegal . Like, but we play with consensual, not we,
but like we, the general we play with consensual non-consent mm-hmm.
. And to many an outsider. I,
I accidentally got into the comment section of that where it was, you know,
people were blanket statementing that c n C
as assault and violence and illegal. And it was like, but wait, the whole,
the first word is consent. And yes. Can that be used for nefarious purposes?
We go back to,
I would like to remove kink powers from the people who abuse them. Sure, sure,
sure. Right? Mm-hmm. , um, is this within that same scope?
Right? Like the part of me that kind of goes,
I accept there are many things in kink I will never understand nor take part in,
but if the rules are legal, age, consent. Mm-hmm. ,
communication, risk awareness, all of those things.
If those are the, the things we say are the what matter,
then I'm gonna say again, if something gives you an icky feeling,
it is definitely not for you. And that's your,
but do I as an outsider who does not engage in this,
get to swoop in and go you to this community who doesn't even this your
automatically wrong. I like.
I know, I know.
I don't think I do . I mean, it's based on my set of values.
It's,
I I kind of look at it just like there are,
are people with the mindset that if you engage in impact play,
it's, it's a sexual thing. Mm-hmm. . Alright. And,
and it's not that cut and dry. To some people it is, to some people it isn't.
It's not. Right. Same thing with rope. There,
there are people who want absolutely nothing to do
with anything sexual. Just give the rope. Right.
Okay. So, you know, it's,
it's a matter of preference. It it's what you want, it's what you consent to.
Right. In this case, you know, being in little Headspace, you know,
going into a place where you feel and are behaving and kind of, you know,
air quote this word. 'cause I understand reality. Yeah. Become a younger age,
a less than legal age. Mm-hmm.
one that does not negate your actual age. And two, some people,
and this is just from observations from people talking about some people
absolutely cannot imagine anything sexual happening within that moment.
That is right. That just doesn't work for them. It doesn't happen. Mm-hmm.
and other people can, and maybe do,
and to me, again,
I go back to have we met the pillars of what constitutes the most
risk aware and closest we can get to, to safe kink play mm-hmm.
that makes something that is already inherently taboo.
Yeah. Air quote this word. 'cause this is a sticky subject word. Okay.
We've got clear, informed, enthusiastic consent. Everybody's legal,
we're communicating, we're being honest. We are creating spaces of intimacy.
We're respecting boundaries. We've, you know mm-hmm. ,
we are aware of the potential risks.
People can withdraw their consent at any point, or we, we got all that then,
you know, what do you, and if I don't like it, I'm,
I'm definitely not gonna do it. That's how that works. Um, but the thing is,
is from the outside,
looking into somebody who does not play with a kink or practice a certain
dynamic or, you know, engage in certain behavior mm-hmm. ,
and I think people forget this.
Everything we do in kink from the outside looks like somebody's being
assaulted. You hit me with a paddle. Yeah. Outside of a kink scene.
And quite frankly, with an over, uh, zealous, uh,
law enforcement system that's assault and battery,
I don't know if that's the legal term,
but basically I'm being hit with something mm-hmm. .
And in another context, you're getting arrested for that. Right. Right. Um,
tying somebody up with ropes certainly does look like kidnapping. Yeah.
Which is hot for some of us . But on the outside looking in,
you're not supposed to do that. Right. Right. Um,
feeling in your, your head and your mind,
your body and whatever in your soul that you are a younger age with a caregiver
that you call daddy, mommy, whatever, whatever. Mm-hmm. , you know,
we know what that looks like from the outside. We understand.
We're not saying it. I'd like to stuff YouTube channel. Yeah. . Yeah.
But like, all of all consensual non-consent,
we all know what that fucking looks like. Right.
Like from the outside with no context,
it all looks illegal and bad. . Yeah.
I feel like context on the inside with, again,
that scaffolding and that all that stuff,
those pillars being there, it's up to the adults involved.
Yeah. And I can personally go, no, don't like that. Mm-hmm.
And not then go, I don't like it. So you can't do it. Yeah.
I can have really strong opinions about something. Mm-hmm. ,
I could, I don't,
I don't know how I feel about that particular statement because I don't
know enough. But if I apply all of my principles of kink,
then that's what I come up with. Which is, are we consenting, communicative,
risk aware, legal adults? Yeah. I'm, I'm not gonna, that's not for me to say.
I understand what something looks like from the outside.
It all looks bad from the outside. Mm-hmm. .
And I think some of us get more comfortable with kinks that
weirdly feel more air quote this acceptable. Well,
it's acceptable within your bubble hitting somebody with a hard object.
It's acceptable in kink because we understand,
many of us understand impact play,
but if somebody on the outside looking in did not have that context,
they're sure shit gonna think that, uh, they need to call 9 1 1. Right.
So how is any of, I mean, I don't know. Yeah. I think it's sticky. It is.
It's sticky. Mm-hmm. . Um, so that's a place to end.
. Um,
am I certain that we have pissed somebody off? Probably. Probably. Probably.
Mm-hmm. . Um,
we all get to have our opinions. The internet has allowed it,
made it so that we can share those opinions at any point.
I do contend that some opinions and
thoughts should be inside thoughts, but that's just me. Um,
just a reminder before somebody wants to like, go real hard on their keyboard,
us saying we do or don't like something,
or we are or are not okay with something,
is not us saying that you have to like,
have to agree or not allowed to disagree or Yeah.
Everybody gets their own opinions. I, my value system and my opinions,
I try to have, have them align as much as possible. Uh, ,
but nuance exists. Exceptions to rules exist. Yeah. Um, I,
and some things I'm just not educated enough to feel like I can form a solid
opinion on. And the thing about Hot Takes,
I had to look this up 'cause I was like,
how is a hot take different from an unpopular opinion?
And they are technically different,
even though sometimes people use that interchangeably.
Hot takes tend to be real quick off the cuff, not informed,
not nuanced opinions. You see a situation, man, you've got an opinion on it.
Everybody. I think everybody is capable of that. I know I'm capable of that,
but my brain goes, but there's nuance. I don't know. There's, like,
I just, yeah. I'll have a hot take in my head.
And then the moment I wanna try and like, say it to share it with somebody, I,
I immediately start thinking of what the exceptions to the role might be.
, I'm fun. Um, , .
So, um, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
It's, ah,
it's fascinating to see what some people think. It's, um,
sometimes it's comforting to see that,
that some people feel the same way you do. Um,
It's not the end of the world if our opinions don't align. Mm-hmm.
. Um, I think, again, because opinions and thoughts,
and many of them ought to be, get to be inside thoughts.
I think it's about how are we treating people? How are we showing up for people?
Yeah. How are we existing in our communities and,
and allowing other people to exist.
You wanna know when you're gonna get serious side eye and probably a bit of
judgment for me, when you one true weigh it, when you go,
this is a thing that is true for me. Yeah.
So I have now decided it is true for everybody and must be true for everybody,
and everything else is invalid. Okay. I'm, I'll just tell you I'm judging you.
Okay. I will admit, here's where my nuance comes in. I can't help myself.
There's probably lack of experience.
There might be more education and understanding and,
and use this word lightly exposure to like other people in communities and
whatever, whatever. Yes.
I think people can shift from a one true way is thinking and go,
oh wait, I'm seeing the bigger picture. I'm having more experiences.
I'm meeting people who are different from me. Mm-hmm.
and understanding their validity.
I don't think the people you're shitting on should have to be the one to
educate, uh, you and get you to see them as valid. I'll take that on. Like,
we're up here with a platform, two weirdos on the internet with microphones.
Right. But I do think people can shift.
And so then I would retract my judgment if somebody shifted.
But those are the people I'm probably gonna like, judge the most. Yeah. And not,
and not keep my opinions to myself.
Also the abusers and assholes who wrap themselves in the trappings of kink so
that they can take advantage of people. Got That's true.
Um, true. The rest.
I probably just.
Keep in.
Inside thoughts. I, I think, I think the internet has,
has allowed us to forget that we absolutely can do inside thoughts, .
That's true. See, in my head, I'm,
I'm probably judgy and petty and bitchy as fuck.
.
But when I try to, if I have to communicate those thoughts,
then that other part of my brain that sees nothing but nuance kicks in and goes,
wait, wait, wait, wait. There's something you don't know.
There's an element you're not seeing. There's a lack of information here.
You don't have the right experience. And so then Yeah. Yeah. The, the,
I don't can't remember what they're called, but from, uh, inside out the,
the emotions in your head, that kind of Mm.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yes. Yeah. Um, yeah. They're, they're kind of bitchy,
but I like them. So . It's okay. .
I do think there's one that just like,
hits like a buzzer and, um, drowns out the, the,
the others and goes like, stop kind of thing. Like, oh, oh, there you go.
You're being a bitch again and hits the buzzer and gets ready to calm the fuck
down. Mm-hmm. .
. Yeah. Oh.
My god.
.
So yeah. I technically, I think I had fun with this one.
Yeah.
But also I'm a little stressed out because as the one who reads the comments and
sometimes responds to them Yeah. When somebody wants to get pissed off,
it'll be me that, so
Okay. This was chaotic as five.
It was, yeah.
Uh, I don't know if we helped informed, educated,
or entertained or none of the above today. Um,
I don't know if we even made sense if the words coming out of our mouths we're
structured in such a way that somebody else hearing them went. Yes.
I understand what you're trying to say. I don't know. I don't know. Um,
thank you for sticking with us through the giant commercial that was, Hey,
we have a giveaway going on. . Just a reminder.
Loving bdsm.net/giveaway is the place to be. There you go.
You can enter to win individually the different types of prizes you want.
Mm-hmm. something from Twisted Mountain Toys,
something from elegantly owned the stuff from us. Pick,
pick which one? Enter all of them for all I care. I don't find . Um,
, uh, yeah. I don't know what we'll be talking about next week,
but, uh,
we'll be back and at our for livestream folks at our normal time
as far as we know. Yeah. Um,
and I guess that's enough rambling in what we like to call the episode.
And now let's go ramble in the bonus section and make even less
sense .
So are we good? I have no fucking.
Idea.
Keep it kinky. Y'all.
Keep and we'll see you next week.
God. Daddy.
Yes, baby girl. Can.
I talk to the crickets? Please.
Now why would you,
why would you want me to give you permission to talk to the crickets?
Because as soon as I give you permission, you're gonna just, I got nothing.
Actually.
I know what I want the emoji of the week to be and I need to let folks know.
Huh? That's an awful smug look on your face. I know.
I'll pay for it later. You, you know, ?
Yeah.
Sorry. Podcast listeners. You have to use your imagination.
, right? Yeah. A is a doozy.
I'm in, I'm in. Even.
For you, I'm in a.
Mood today, so.
Yeah, I know.
Uh, you know, and you know why, you know.
.
I asked a question I needed an answer to that I should have known,
would have a conversation. Got the answer, but can't have the conversation.
. I'm a little testy. .
.
But I got the information I needed.
That's right. And.
And you'll survive with this version of me. It'll be fine. .
You won't thrive, but you will survive. . I'm not thriving either,
but still, whatever. Can I please talk to the grants? You think I'm not ?
Look, I know that my focus can be like really all over the place,
but when I'm on the job,
I can focus on most of the things that I'm supposed to.
Like 75% of the things. And when it's something I really want,
I'm a dog with a bum. Sorry.
Go ahead. Thank.
You . So we'll do an emoji of the week, uh,
in honor of it being our podcast anniversary. Uh,
I believe in the emoji option. There's like a microphone,
that one. And I think there's a couple of microphones.
Whichever microphone you have in your emojis. That's the one.
Because we are two weirdos on the internet with microphones. Um,
there's live chat, you can share it. Comments on YouTube podcast listeners.
There's the show notes page on living bdsm.net.
There's Twitter and Fe Life.
And you can hell DM me on Instagram.
I don't tend to answer dms and Instagram 'cause I just don't.
Uh, , if you ever need to like, ask a question,
use the contact page on our website. I do respond to those. Um, but yeah.
However, we're connected. Mm-hmm. , uh,
please share the emoji of Loic. It's a microphone.
That's strange.
Normally when you type in the word and it comes up with an emoji and you.
Uh.
It takes the word away. It didn't do that this time.
For Port, for folks who are like, what the fuck? John Brownstone,
who is now finally a moderator of the YouTube channel.
was in the live chat and, uh,
both shared the word microphone and the emoji because technology's
weird. It does what it wants. Mm-hmm. . Um, so bonus section stuff.
Have you got anything?
You who were so anxious to talk to the cricket?
I just did. I had to share the information. Oh, I can wax, uh,
I can't think of the expression. Wax. Poetic. Poetic. Thank you.
I almost said wax on . I knew that was wrong. Something else. .
I knew that was wrong. Uh, because if I wax on,
I do have to wax off . Uh,
I could wax poetic about my college age child or my middle schooler
and their whatever. Um, or the fact that we, uh,
, well, I can't think of the term, the term for it, but oops.
Eed and bought a bunch of home stuff at Big Lots yesterday when we went for like
two things. , a curtain rod, and two sets of curtains.
That's all we went for. We walked out with multiple new pillows,
decorative pillows for the couch. In fairness, they were on clearance,
$10 or less per pillow. And the pillows that we have,
that we use for all, you know, we like sleep on 'em, we hold 'em, whatever. Um,
we've had those for 10 years. Yeah. Give or take, give or take.
Since, since the, um, since the condo?
Since No. Before then. I think we moved. No. So.
The ones when we have the apartment, I don't think so.
I don't know. We've had them a long time. We've had 'em,
and they look like we've had them a long time. And.
They've been through two dogs.
Yes. Yes. And two teenagers. and.
Two teenager. Yeah. Two dogs, two teenagers. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. .
Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Yeah.
They were due to be replaced. They, they've lived a,
a full pillow life. Yes.
And finding decent looking pillows that match the color scheme I like
for the living room. Uh, turquoise, if you wondered, um, .
Actually it's, I mean, not purple. Yeah.
No. For the bedroom. I, I prefer purple. Yeah. Um,
somehow some way,
when I became single again before I met you,
my living room was always a creamer off white. Those were usually the walls,
dark brown furniture. Um,
and then the accent colors were always a turquoise and a teal.
They just in different shades of that mm-hmm. .
And I've just always really enjoyed that. Yeah.
And my dream that I didn't get to achieve until you and I moved in together was
to have purple in the bedroom. But it's still the same kind of color scheme.
So it's a creamy off white. Depends on what the wall color is.
Dark brown furniture or black. Mm-hmm. . Like our,
our bed frame is black and then purple with maybe a silver
or gray, maybe a white but purple.
And usually like the plum egg planting purple. Mm-hmm.
not like violet or anything. Right? No. Yeah. Yeah. So,
but yeah. So what were we talking ?
We bought pillows at Big Lots and we did not mean to That's that there's a,
what's the expression when you like spontaneously buy something and you didn't,
you didn't mean to, there's a whole expression for.
It. There is, and I can't think of it either. Can't.
Think of it either. I don't know. Is it the heat getting to us?
Probably. Is.
It the, is the chaos of the past two weeks finally catching up to us?
Probably.
Are we still in shock that during the day while the 13 year old is in school,
this, we have this house to ourselves? Like, have we just not adjusted to that?
I do keep waiting for the oldest to just walk in the door and that's.
Yeah.
Not gonna happen. Like, I'm just like constantly waiting for it. And um,
you did get to run through the kitchen and into the dining room.
Stark naked yesterday.
. I did. We.
May look what I can do.
.
And look, the arms were out. He was like standing with feet apart.
And of course there was a butt slash pelvic wiggle.
So just imagine all the things that we're wiggling and shaking and, you know,
moving and grooving. Um, yeah. And I just, 'cause I don't,
since we've lived together, I, it's,
we've had so few opportunities to be naked outside of our bedroom that I'm just
eating my lunch and whatever I was eating,
I just stopped like halfway to my mouth and went, huh. And I went, oh.
And I went, oh. And then I still had that reactive gut thing of, oh God,
is there anybody gonna, and of course not. It was just us. Yeah.
And actually silent Neva had came up. Impulse.
Buying. Thank you. It was impulse. Thank you. Impulse buying. Impulse buying.
Yes. Only 'cause it was like deep, deep clearance and Big lots. Mm-hmm.
Big Lots is a place,
for whatever reason since I became a single woman
at the age of 32, um, if I want home decor. And I'm like, okay.
We're not like, we're not trying to buy the good stuff. I go to Big Lots. Yeah.
Um, I was absolutely that lady who for many years had a live laugh,
love thing up in my, uh, living room before you. And we moved it over with us.
And then even through the,
the kids like totally giving me shit for it.
It wasn't 'cause I was all live, laugh, love.
It was 'cause it was the right color scheme. Okay. . .
It looked pretty on my wall. I didn't give a fuck what it said. .
The only ones that I go, no,
I don't want that on my wall are the ones that are more religious.
'cause I'm not a religious person, so it doesn't fit for me.
But I was a live laugh,
love girly because it was cute and it went with a decor.
So . Yeah.
If I had seen some purple pillows that were the right shade of purple,
I'd have gotten him for the bedroom. Yeah. But we did not. I believe that. Yeah.
I'm a, I'm a big lot Stan. I'm here for it. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm.
. I often forget it though. Like, I'll go to Walmart, I go to Aldi,
like for inexpensive things. I'm like, and I, I forget.
And I'm thinking of when we were I prepping the 18 year old for his apartment.
We're walking through last time. Like, why the fuck didn't we come here?
It would might've been a little bit cheaper. Yeah. Forgot all about it. Mm-hmm.
. But we need to, 13 year old is struggling with sleep.
I don't know. It could be the handful of medications that he is on.
It could be the stress of, you know, being 13. I don't know. Um,
but we're trying to make his room more conducive. Conducive to sleep. Yeah.
To sleep for him.
He's a kid that loves it to be as dark as possible.
And his room is fairly dark, but there's light creeping in.
So we got some blackout and some room darkening curtains. Yeah. And, um,
I've sent out to the family 'cause his birthday's coming up.
He's about to be the 14 year old. Um, you know, some present ideas.
And I'm like, oh, by the way,
his therapist recommends a weighted blanket that's outta my budget book. Hey,
you got grandma money, uh, . He wanna get the kid a weighted blanket.
He would love it. Yeah. And then I pointed out,
apparently there are weighted stuffies at, at Target. I don't know,
there might be other places, but heard about them at Target. I was like, no,
I'm saying if you wanna buy those for him, he won't be mad at.
'Em. Just need to let Lola get in bed with 'em. She's.
First of all, his bed is way too high for.
Her. I I know it is. I'm.
Big booty gimpy leg self. I'm.
Joking. I know, I'm well aware of that.
I No, you are the guy who would build her a, a ramp or steps. I would.
I know you would. And I'm already prepared that as she gets older, she'll,
she'll need that just to get on the sofa. And I'm already I know.
Planning out how I'm gonna do that for her.
I know. But if you teach her the way of a ramp or stairs, then it's,
it's a short bleep to getting an hour bed. And that is where I draw one .
I have not,
have never been a Sure my dog can sleep in the bed with me kind of person.
I'm just not,
also the bed is barely big enough for the two of us to
exist without me melting. We are not adding a third.
Body. I never said anything. You would in a.
Heartbeat. If I went, okay, get me drunk enough, I might go, okay.
And next thing you know, there's a ramp up to our bed.
Get you drunk enough. I need to go get some more, uh, vodka then.
I am jonesing for margaritas.
I guess I would even accept at-home margaritas. Oh, I mean, what I,
is it, is it a good margarita if you don't have chip salsa in queso?
I don't think it is, but I'm just saying.
Take care. Andre.
Um, I think was silently mentioned it, um,
Patreon this Friday, August 25th. Mm-hmm. Day.
This episode goes live for podcast listeners. Uh,
we're doing our game night in Patreon for $10 and up members. True.
And I'm hoping that this weekend there will be an adult beverage or two please.
And thank you.
Maybe.
How's your tummy doing?
We didn't do adult beverages on our last stream because of your tummy.
It's, it's doing better.
Okay, good.
It's doing better.
Okay. Lola is snoring.
Like she got off her third shift job this morning. .
Oh my God.
Well she went outside earlier. Mm-hmm. laid in the sun and,
and she laid in the sun and, and you know, charged her her batteries. We.
Charged her batteries. She solar.
Powered. Yeah. So, um, you know. Yeah. Now,
now she's gotta sleep it off. Yeah.
She's so adorable. . She's been Oh,
so the pillows that we replaced,
because they definitely have dog drool all over them as well. . Um,
and Yes, they were the kind I No,
these were the kind you I could not take the covers off.
I couldn't actually wash, wash. I know. If you're grossed up by that same, um,
, we put those in her crate 'cause they're basically her pillows.
There have been many a day. Not only was she laying on my spot on the couch,
her head was on the pillow I liked to use. Yeah. Like, she is just chilling.
So I went, okay, here you can have these pillows. So
yeah. I don't know. Like,
I wanna hang out and I wanna stay here for the little bit that we can because
mm-hmm. , you do have to go pick up a kid from school. Yep. Soon.
But also, I don't feel like I have anything, like my brain is a jumble.
Like nothing is like mm-hmm. coming in clear.
Nothing's slotting in with Yes.
Say this next in a order of words that will make sense.
To other people. I mean, I haven't been doing a whole lot of outside of working.
Yeah. No.
Myself, you know, um, even last weekend,
oh my gosh. Didn't feel like a weekend. We ran so many errands and we did.
A lot of stuff. Yeah.
And, and then we did a lot of stuff. And.
You didn't take any downtime last week?
No. The.
Only day off air quote, that was the Wednesday that we moved the kid in. Mm-hmm.
. I at least try.
I took Friday afternoon off and read a whole ass book. It was delightful.
Yeah. No, I, I need to work on that because Yeah.
We, we take a break. I don't take a break. I always have other work that I'm.
Well, and this time was understandable the week prior you were in New York.
True. Which you didn't have to do any of the normal home stuff,
but you were working. Yeah. There was stuff you like manual,
physical labor you ended up having to do. Um, so that didn't feel like a break.
It was also very emotionally and mentally taxing. Mm-hmm.
So that didn't feel like a break. Now my argument would've been, hey, come home,
decompress and just sit still for a few days. But also, uh,
, I, you and I, I came back. You had to go out to shop. We.
Needed to pay the mortgage . I came,
I came back to how many orders . You did.
I did my job very well.
You welcome. You did. You did.
So, so yeah. Like it's, it,
part of that is the whole self-employed run your own business thing. Mm-hmm.
where Yeah. Instead of a 40 hour work week,
it's a 24 7 hour work week sometimes. Yeah. Um,
I know that the time we get,
we probably do the best at downtime or the two weeks we take off at the holidays
at the end of the year. Yeah. Um, 'cause the orders slow down.
It's understandable if you're not in the shop and making stuff. Correct. Like,
so we're just,
we're just living for the last two weeks of the years mm-hmm.
pretty much. Pretty much.
Well yeah. We, if all goes well and if we've done our jobs right,
we're about to go into that period where we don't, we don't even take days off.
Right. We're just going, um, so, and, and that's fine. Mm-hmm. .
Um, but yeah. So you haven't really break? I no.
Barely braked.
I have been trying to make more time and purposely like put my fucking phone
down so I can stop doom scrolling and like read a book or do
some, do something else. Mm-hmm. we watched, uh,
last weekend 'cause it's now on Disney Plus we watched Guardians of the Galaxy
Volume three. Correct.
Not like in my top three or five of Marvel movies, but it was okay. Mm-hmm.
, it was decent. Yeah.
To me it was right up there with Quantum Mania,
the Amp Man and Wasp whatever movie it was like, it was okay. It was like,
I don't go in expecting a Marvel movie to be cinema. You know,
like Yeah. It's not.
Yeah.
It's, I just needed to, I need it to be brain candy. Mm-hmm.
Can I shut my mind off? Are the things in there so like.
Easily done and enjoy an alternate reality.
For Right. Where I'm not a couple.
Hours.
If you've got me questioning what the fuck's going on. Okay.
Something's gone off the rails.
But if I can just like turn my head off for a bit and go, oh yes,
we were watching this movie for two and a half, three hours. Mm-hmm.
great. It's done its job. Yeah. But if I'm then ranking, like,
which are my favorite Yeah. It's, it's not, but it's fine. Mm-hmm.
. It's fine. Yeah.
So.
Are there any other Marvel movies coming to Disney Plus soon?
Soon? I don't know. No. I don't know. Don't know. Hey X,
sorry you couldn't be here.
That's JB talking to the live chat for anybody who's not looking at the live
chat. Um, so yeah. Mm-hmm.
, I mean it's, it's,
it's still really too hot out to, you know, to do anything outside.
Mm-hmm. . Um, I mean the big, big thing I um,
you know, I I've been enjoying having my, um,
old school stereo system and, and listening to albums.
You are adorable. You're like a little kid.
You put your little headphones on and you kind of bebop between the stereo to
your seat on the couch and you doo and sometimes you'll stand there and like
look through whatever the stuff is in the album and you're like,
and you're just a little heads bobbing. And when I'm knowingly in the room,
you might hum to yourself, but you don't really like,
it's not a full throated singing.
Now compare that to you have your noise canceling
earbuds in and Spotify on,
and we're in the garage and neighbors are fucking everywhere.
And this man is giving us a concert.
That's how I keep people away. . Well.
The neighbors that just moved in a few months ago have moved out and are selling
their house, which we are desperate to know the gossip of how,
like what happened that if there was a three month turnaround. Right.
Because it's not like they flipped it. They didn't like do anything major to it.
It wasn't that kind of deal. No. Something had to have happened.
They have moved. Well,
I've been a ton of showings and it's actually currently pending.
So we'll see if we're getting new neighbors anytime soon. .
And almost every day that's somebody,
whether it's people viewing the home or it was like the home inspector or the
realtor or whoever this mans,
but outside in either the garage or the, the shop Outback.
Just sing it .
Loudly truth in advertising. Let 'em know what they're getting into.
Into and look and they still put in an offer.
So you did not scare them away.
A silent wing asked, wait, are these the Washington as two liberal neighbors?
Yes, yes. Yes. They closed on their house like at the end of April,
early May moved in late,
may spent the summer repainting rooms slowly unpacking,
like they had a whole plan. Mm-hmm. Because their garage was filled with boxes.
We are those nosy neighbors.
We noticed those details and they'd even told us Yeah.
We're having to repaint all the rooms and what we're doing is as we repaint a
room, then we bring the boxes and everything in and unpack. Yeah. And unpack.
And they had been doing that and then outta nowhere, like what, two weeks ago?
Three.
Yeah.
First sale signs up, they're packing up their stuff. Here comes the U-Haul.
I was like.
Damn, what kind? Well, I, I noticed they were doing a lot of stuff.
They brought their, their RV back. Mm-hmm. to the house. Mm-hmm.
and, and there was a lot of stuff being shuffled around.
Then I left for New York. Mm-hmm.
and I came back and they're gone lock stock and barrel and there's
a for, for sale sign on the.
House. And they had been doing stuff on the outside that now I'm like,
well were they doing that? 'cause they wanted their house to look like that?
Or were they trying to like boost the curb appeal? Mm-hmm. .
It does look, it looks nice. It does look nice. It did look bad before,
but it looks nice. Mm-hmm. . But yeah, we got real excited.
'cause um, on the other side of them, that side of their fence,
some part of it got replaced and we were like, oh, are they redoing their fence?
Mm-hmm. . And we were like, oh,
well you come over to this side of your fence and redo it. They did not.
They did not. Um, so yeah, it's, uh, .
So it's like the,
the unknown thing that we're kind of hoping that now I don't wanna have a
conversation with any neighbor at all. , not even to find out.
What I keep hoping for is that the stars will align and a gossipy neighbor who
knows what happened Right. Will be outside while JB is outside.
But I am not, and he can get the information and bring it home to me. That's,
that's what I keep hoping for . Um, but the,
the neighbor bestie has been busy and she's constantly gone. Right. So,
you know.
Whatever. Yep, yep. I, I agree. Silent. I don't see it as a loss either.
No. If the first time you ever have a conversation with us,
it is to disparage our dog. Yeah. We are not your people and you're not ours.
Mm-hmm.
.
Mm-hmm. . Um, so yeah, it'll be interesting.
But I still wanna know what.
Happened. Yeah. Because.
I'm, you know, yeah. I'm nosy lying that.
Curiosity.
Nosy need to know. But
yeah. So it's just, I, the,
some of the chaos has died down and now we're creating our own chaos.
So clearly we can't live without the chaos. Uh,
but everybody seems settled. The 13 year old has settled,
see it seems mm-hmm. into the start of the school year, thank God.
'cause I had two weeks of like on edge panic about that. Yeah. Um,
'cause he did not seem to be settling. The, uh,
18 year old has been busy, uh, almost from the moment we we left.
And so I have talked to him a little bit, but not a lot. Mm-hmm. .
Um, I'm hoping he does not have marching practice this evening.
And so maybe I can actually have a conversation and find out how first day of
classes went. Um, . Yeah.
JB and I are good because we are,
but also I think we've been jump roping on each other's nerves.
and not having conversations that need to have,
because we're like, but we're so busy . So, you know, it's same old,
same old around here. Um, and now
we have to stop even though I really enjoy this.
If I could figure out a way to like justify just streaming,
just whatever. Yeah. I probably would.
But I, you, you probably would. Yeah. I agree. I agree.
I haven't been able to Oh, my chin itches. Anyway, so we're gonna go. Yep.
Uh, thanks for hanging with us. Mm-hmm. being here,
especially to the bitter end. Y'all are the proudest of proud crickets.
That's true. That's.
True. Whether you have listened to the back catalog or you've been here from the
beginning, thanks for sell or,
and whether you're brand new and you just found us. Yeah.
It's like this uh,
thanks for being here for up to eight years so far. Yeah.
Um.
Yeah.
God flies when you're having fun.
It does. It really, really does. Mm-hmm. . Okay. Okay.
I guess we're gonna go. Yep. We love y'all. Mm-hmm. . Bye.
Bye.