Smart today, we are thrilled to introduce you
to Elizabeth. Elizabeth is our friend and colleague,
and
she is joining us today to chat about
her autism and diagnosis, which she discovered as
an adult, you'll hear her talk about her
connecting the dots of her life and how
that informed her decision and choice to get
a formal assessment. She also shares with us
some workplace
accommodations. And we have a really interesting conversation
about when and how she makes the decision
to disclose her autism diagnosis.
And how sometimes she chooses not to. She
also shares how her autism
informs her parenting as well as her role
in an independent school as a learning specialist.
We would love to remind you guys to
leave a a review. If you appreciate the
conversations and the knowledge that we get to
share on learn Smarter podcast. It means a
lot to us when you leave a 5
star review, and might just a little something.
We read it. I screenshot it. I send
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to us. So be sure to go ahead
and do that. And now let's dig in.
You want to learn faster,
but sometimes working harder
is just the sir you have to learn
smarter
the educational therapy podcast.
Hi, Smart. Welcome to episode 318
of Learns Smarter. The educational therapy podcast. I'm
Stephanie Pitt, and I reach rachel cap. And
today, we are thrilled to have Elizabeth on
the podcast
to talk about about hi, Elizabeth. She's gonna
talk about her
journey as an adult with an autism diagnosis.
And we're both just thrilled. We've known you
for a long time, and we're both thrilled
that you are willing to share this journey
with our audience because I think there's a
lot of people. It's gonna resonate with them.
So welcome.
Happy to have you here. Thank you so
much. Thank you so much for having me.
This whole process of this has just been
a whirlwind
and
I'm really glad
to share it with other people because I
think that it's it's something that people don't
expect. It's something that people don't really understand
fully, but I was lucky to have a
lot of support in this process. So, yeah.
So ask a away, I'm happy to share
as much as I can, and
I hope that this will inspire other people
to look inward and maybe find out something
about themselves. They were kinda sure about, but
want confirmation up. So yeah. Yeah. Let's just
say straight up we've known you a very
long time. You run in the same circles.
Yeah. I was gonna say probably, we know
you 10 years. Yep. We've known each other
for a while. And right now, I'm at
a school an independent school. I've worked as
a therapist. I've worked as a classroom teacher.
I've worked as a preschool. So through
education, you know, I'm pretty much done it
all, so... All of the things. All of
the things.
Hashtag, all of the things. Yep. So why
don't you
share a little bit more about who you
are and what you do and sort of
you know, maybe we should just start up
straight off the bat. We're discussing
sort of your internal
exploration. This certainly you've been on the last
let me say, year a year and a
half. So that's right? That's about right, but
really for me,
when I look back, this journey started for
me basically after I graduated college and went
into the workforce.
So with 20 20 hindsight, there some things
that came up for me in my first
few jobs
that
were kind of red flags. It was sort
of a thing where It was like,
I wasn't fully understanding the directions of something,
or I would get in trouble for not
doing something. So an example of this that
I actually used in the assessment process was
that there was 1 time in my student
teaching where I was supposed to. So they
go, you know, could you make the snaps?
Mh.
Okay. I made the snacks. The next day
they were like, well, why didn't you make
the snacks?
And I was like, oh, well, I didn't
know I supposed to do it for the
second day. So it's, like, that's that autistic
literal. Like, you gave me the instruction.
I assumed 1 thing, and then it turned
out to me the other thing. So
throughout my existence, there were these moments of
like, oh, you know, and at first, I
was like, oh, that's just weird. You know,
I'm just a little weird or that's just
quirky. And then as they started to pile
up,
the ups shot of that was
in that student teaching, this head teacher started
to really not like
Yeah. And she would start to like,
kind just back off, I also had a
really bad supervisor. So from these interactions, these
missed kind of you know, we're going in
and out. We're not fully understanding each other.
It led to me failing my student teaching.
So I had to do it again with
the different supervisors. So these are the ways
that my autism was
affecting my abilities. So again,
when I think about that now it's like,
well, if I had had workplace accommodations that
I if I'd know, maybe those things would
have gone differently.
So some other examples of that, is that
in my current position, so 1 thing that
happens to autistic people in the workplace and
any job can be... They get in trouble
for asking too many questions. And questions for
an autistic person are very direct. I'm not
trying to question you in a sarcastic way.
I'm not trying to question you in, like,
Oh, actually, you're just wrong and I'm asking
that question, but a lot of tim's people
interpret it that way. So I was working
with a colleague and she was the person
who was supposed support me. And all of
a sudden I get an email from her.
I mean, she's overs stressed. She's doing, like,
8 people's jobs, but she's like I can't
answer your question anymore. You're gonna have to
take the reins for yourself.
So at that point, I'm thinking,
okay. Well, now is the time for me
to get these workplace accommodations because I'm starting
to see those cracks
showing a again. Like, those cracks that I
had in my student teaching. Those cracks that
I had in other job. So says, like,
no... I'm starting to to think something's going
on, let me investigate further.
And so I kinda started getting a whiff
of that again.
Other thing was my daughter has her own
autism of diagnosis. So as she was going
through the process of her diagnosis as I,
Oh, wait. I was like that. Like, oh,
my gosh. I did that as a kid
or, you know, things like that that were
coming up. So she was really the start
of the process for me. Like, oh, you
know, it was really a lot of her
experience was similar to mine. And then also
being a member of online autistic community and
seeing some of those
workplace out does matching up my own. So
that's kind of how this journey got started
for me.
And, yeah. So it's fascinating to hear
for a lot of reasons because looking at
what you were just saying. Like, your experience
with student teaching is 1 of those moments
where
it looked like that person
felt that
you rubbed them the wrong way or whatever,
and then it became... And I just send
it also to interrupt stuff. Mh. I remember
you asking a lot of questions too. Hundred
percent. I remember you asking a lot of
questions. But also Yeah. I remember some of
the questions being, like,
yeah. Okay. That's a helpful answer that we
just got. Have questions. Yeah, but it was
a lot. For sure.
I'm impressed with the way that you're able
to
reflect
you're connecting the dots of, like, oh, this
happened, and maybe this is why
which I think is very hard for a
lot of people to
sit there and say, oh, this wasn't just
this isolated
experience with this isolated person which you know,
we see with kids with... Oh, it was
that teacher or it was that circumstance or
whatever. Right? Not like, a pattern
that you had enough
you know, meta cognition to say, oh, okay.
And I think that relates to
an elite diagnosis. Right? So
I've been through a variety of mis
to get to where I am. So I
think that that can also
be very confusing as well for an adult
because back in the day, back in grade,
I looked back on this now with a
different lens, but at the time,
I was in eighth grade summer, and I
was leaving a camp, and I was so
sad that all my friends were there. So
my father who was say psycho analyst was
like, let's get you into therapy. Let's get
you on some medication.
At that point, that started my journey of.
Are you depressed? Are you bipolar?
Are you or, you know, what's going on
here? And so, you know, different medication, different
things. But the funniest thing is that throughout
this journey, I stumbled on to a medication
that is actually prescribed for autistic people to
help calm down the nervous stuff.
I started taking it because I was mis
diagnosed with mood disorder. Mh. But I found
that it's incredibly helpful to me. So a
lot of these what I would consider missteps,
you know, in quotation marks are actually things
that pointed me in the right direction. I
just didn't realize that I was being pointed.
In the right direction. And I think also
of the years of therapy,
the une ending years of therapy have helped
me gain that self awareness it. Mh. And
so as I look back through this lens
of now I have a different framework of
describing what happened, those little light bulbs are
still going on. Even though the journey was
kind of tough. I would say. Fair enough.
But again, have you to Get. And I
think questioning just to be a little bit
more specific is, like,
questioning of authority? Because it kinda comes off
as, like, well, why am I gonna do
it your way? It's not so much like,
asking a question in class
as it is more of... It comes off
as questioning somebody else. You know? And I
think that's where we get into trouble as
autistic people too, you know. I think so
because, like, what you were really doing
when I'm thinking of the questions,
particular
is you were just trying to get clarity
around expectations. Mh. Exactly. Yeah. And, I mean,
we'll get to that. But in my workplace
accommodations, that's something that was really important to
me to other people to understand. I'm not
questioning your authority. I just want clarity.
Clarity for a autistic person is like, Mana
from Heaven, like, see is giving me the
kids in the clarity.
Well, yeah. Like, if they had said to
you in your student teaching irresponsible for snack
day. Tada
right, Like.
You wouldn't have done the snack every day.
This is something that's talked about a lot
in the office community. It's called the double.
Problem. Right? It's like, this idea that we
put a lot onto to autistic people or
any neuro people really, like, Adhd, d lexi
or whatever.
We put the onus of chains onto that.
They're the ones who have to change to
fit our world. They're the ones who have
to come into alignment with us as neuro
typical people.
But it's a 2 way street. Mh. So
it's both how will my typical coworkers
come to meet me in the middle. And
also, I do need to meet them in
the middle. I need to understand that when
they say,
do the snack, there might be something missing.
So maybe I do need to ask a
clarifying question. Maybe I do need to make
sure that there wasn't anything that got missed.
So it's this idea of empathy and understanding
being a 2 way street versus how we
generally want it to be a 1 way
injury. And the double empathy, it really resonates
with me
is a lay diagnosed
autistic person
because
it frees me up from all of a
sudden feeling like I have to just completely
change who I am. No. I don't have
to completely change who I am. I just
now have an awareness
of how other
non autistic or neuro people will
interpret me. And I think that's really value.
It is valuable. Okay. So let's go in
order. Yeah. So you were observing
what was going on with your daughter and
sort of the things that were happening. You
were relating.
You did take this step to go and
do an assessment for yourself. But
I guess my question for you is... I
mean, you knew what the outcome was gonna
be. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. So
why did you go ahead take the step
to do the formal testing and do all
that?
When you sort of knew the outcome. Really
good point. Because I personally believe that as
an autistic person, self diagnosis is a completely
valid
expression
of autism. Mh. There plenty of people. And
I started this way. I actually explored my
diagnosis as starting off as self diagnose.
So I wanna really be clear that I
think that is absolutely valid. If you self
diagnose as autistic Are.
And I don't see it necessarily as so
much of an identity.
But if you feel like your life experience
fits the constellation of autism and you... That's
how you experience the world.
Self diagnosis is completely valuable.
For me, the reason that I took that
next step was really what was happening at
work.
And really what was... Like, those that we're
starting to show. And and again, nothing was
overt, nothing was, like, awful. But when I
got that email back about, like, I'm sorry.
I can't answer
anymore you ask too many questions.
I was like, let me see that if
I can start this process and get some
formal accommodations in play,
Another 1 of my coworker actually is autistic
with workplace accommodations. So I reached out to
her. I talked to her about what that
process was like for her.
And she really encouraged me to move forward
if I could. The other challenge
for self diagnosed autistic people moving into trying
to get a diagnosis is the expense.
It was expensive. And it always is expensive.
I'm just like, when I send a family
out to get a neuro psych, I know
it's going to be expense and, you know,
And and it was. It wasn't cheap. But
again, at that point, I knew that that's
what I wanted.
I've also used accommodations at the airport. So
it's not just like, workplace stuff. It's like,
I can actually get it on a plane
earlier. Like, I've asked for that. And so
I think that
that was really my desire to get accommodations
that maybe take that next step. It wasn't
so much am Autistic or not. No. I
kinda new. You know, I was self diagnosing
way before the the assessment.
But... Yeah. So that was kind of had
the ball started the. Fascinated. I know we'll
probably touch on this when we talk about
the actual accommodations is the other thing I
didn't just want my accommodations to be, like,
a safety not for me. I also wanted
it to be my operating system.
So for those people who are able to
know my accommodations like my current boss,
it's also... How do you work with me?
What will be to your advantage
to work with me. You know? If you
give me feedback to do it this way.
So I think there's also an aspect of
just like
wanting
to be the best possible
employee, which sounds kind of funny. But, like,
wanting to be the best possible employee,
if you do these things, you will get
the best out of me. So again, it's
that double empathy It's the 2 way Street.
It's like, here's what I need from you,
and here's what I can give you. In
return. So that was also why Wanted to
do it I want people to
understand that there are really good ways to
work with me.
And not. So like, don't just tell me
to do this. Don't just say do snacks.
It. No We just don't to say the
snacks. You can work together. My question to
you is,
with the formal diagnosis you were able to
get the accommodations.
Could you have gotten accommodations without the formal
diagnosis?
Yes and no.
So some of the things that I wanted
that were very
big asks. Okay. And I don't think that
they would have said yes. To them if
I hadn't had a
you know, a diagnosis to back them up
with.
The other thing is
for me, it's a protection. Mh. There's also
a certain shield of accommodations. Like, there are
people who I
find in my workplace rugby the wrong way.
Right?
And so if they knew my diagnosis, they
might start to say, well, oh, well, I
can't work with her because she's autistic.
And then at that point, that that's when
Hr gets involved. I'm sorry, we can't discriminate
against you
because of your autism.
Wait are not allowed to do that. I'm
sorry. Please leave her alone.
That kind of it. Okay. But, yes, I
could have had certain
I wouldn't even call them accommodations at that
point, just certain things people could know about
me. But they wouldn't necessarily know why, and
they wouldn't necessarily follow through. And the why
and the follow through is kind of what
I wanted on record
v. This is on record. This is on
file. Yeah. And when I go through my
accommodations with you, some of them are not
really
enforce,
but they are there to remind people. I'm
very interested in what these
accommodations are. Now you've you've peaked by interest.
So can we go through them? I don't
have my list with me. I'm not on
my computer, but there are few that are
around feedback.
And this came out of something that did
actually happen
where an administrator that I work with, all
of a sudden
in a meeting that had nothing to do
with anything,
started giving me all this really negative feedback,
just out of the blue. And so in
my accommodations, I just said,
If you want to give me feedback, positive
or negative, make sure that we set up
a time and a meeting where the meeting
is explained
and that we will go over the feedback
at that
to wind it back a little bit after
that meeting I had with the administrator I
had a full blown autistic meltdown.
Like, I had to lead you. It just
completely threw off my sensory system. It completely
threw off my mental loop.
So at that point, I was realizing that
ad if feedback is given to me, I
will not have this melt out. So that
was 1 accommodation. Please give me feedback, let
me know when the meeting is happening and
want the meeting will be about.
Another 1 that I asked for was an
explanation,
when I am required to part anticipate in
a meeting
to get advanced notice of what the meeting
is and what are the expectations? So that's
seems very
straightforward. Right? That seems like just a natural
thing 1 will do in a workplace, but
not in my workplace. A lot of times
meetings are just ad hoc. They're just like,
oh, we're just gonna talk about this. And
then all of a sudden, I would find
myself completely unprepared.
Oh, yeah. You should talk about this, and
then I wouldn't be prepared. Both of those
accommodations are really
let me know in advance what's coming. So
that I can prepare. And thinking of that
again, that makes me a better employee. Right?
That makes me a better employee for you
because I will have all my notes together.
I will every
documentation that you need for this.
The other 2 big ones were because of
my sensory needs
graduation and promotion were 2 things I asked
to be exempt from.
And those were the big ask.
Those are the very, very big asks.
There are a lot of, I would use
the word triggers for me. Around graduation,
around the ceremony, the heat,
often, it's, like 90, a hundred degrees out
So I didn't know.
You know, it's kind of that whole shoot
for the moon and land among the stars.
Like, I didn't actually think they were going
to approve that, and they didn't
And the thing about that is that
nobody wants to go to this thing. Mh.
It's an unspoken requirement. And then again, as
an autistic person, it's very to read those
unspoken requirements. Right? Like, oh, you don't have
to be there? Yeah. Yeah. You know it's
like, those silence x expectations. So I just
asked to the exempt from those, and they
they approved it.
So at that point, I was, like, I
have an administration that really gets this and
really supports me. Our Hr department was wonderful.
They just worked with me. Ask me questions,
you know, just really wanted to clarify.
And I think those were the big ones.
There might have been 1 more. But again,
it was along that same lines of late.
Just let me know things in advance.
I had to figure out my job from
scratch, and that was an incredibly anxiety from
vocal experience for me. So
I just also put in there, the idea
that if any of these expectations changed or
we're adding new things in or new expectations
that we get those in
so that it's not just a verbal agreement.
It's that now you're taking on responsibility. Here's
what that looks like, and now you're taking
on why responsibility. And these are the outcomes
that we expect. Yeah. These are the outcomes
we expect. Here's is the follow through. And
To go back a little bit, I think
with autism,
the way I understand it for me is
that my anxiety and my sensory system are
very connect.
So what appears like anxiety is often also
related
to
uncertainty. It's related to sensory stuff. So
some of the accommodations that I have were
just really designed to kind of mitigate that
anxiety. My whole first year is, like, I
don't know what I'm doing
I have to come up with this 1
scratch. Nobody helped me. And now this year
being my second year it's much easier.
But that was sort of again something I
was thinking of in the accommodation since, like,
change up. Yeah.
Change is hard. And we also have a
new director coming in this year since and
that was another consideration getting the accommodations. Like,
what if I have a director if he
is much less accommodating
Now we have something on file that says
this is the best way to work. Those
sorts of things are huge. And, yes, it
was a big ask, but it's really not
that big an ask. The ask is really
more
can you exempt me and you won't exempt
others for this XYZ reason, not that they
have to do anything extra for it. No.
But I think some accommodations are fair to
ask extra. Oh, that was 1 I did
forget. I do have the right to wear
noise canceling headphones in the school building.
Our school building has a no headphones policy
for the students.
But we've given had headphones accommodations to certain
student to have asked for them. So it's
not something out of the field. So like
you said, nobody is going above and beyond.
But it is just allowing things that aren't
normally allowed. Mh. So even though nobody is
gonna say, you can't be sick and have
your attend graduation, it's just really more...
I'm not asking
for this for no reason. Right? I need
this. But, yes, none of these accommodations are
really, like, go out of your way.
So I think that that might have been
why they were so easily proved, honestly.
If they actually had to be something for
me, it might have been a little bit
different.
You know, And some of the things I
don't expect all the time. Like, you don't
have to give me, you know, meaning notes.
I'll take them. You don't have to give
me me necessarily whole, like, bullet point preview
of the meeting, I will figure that out.
So when I asked for this accommodations, I
did also tape that in to consider a
is how much is the school going to
need to do
versus
what can it just be allowed? Yeah. It's
wonderful. This is why we wanted to have
the conversation. If and when you move on
to another position at another school. What's your
plan on how you'll approach this? Well, I
think that in the interview process, sometimes it
is problematic matter for autistic people to self
disclose.
I don't know whether these accommodations would have
happened my first year.
And I think that that is something where
asking shift and change
in that. If I did go somewhere else,
I would test the climate before saying it?
So is this a place where I feel
that neuro origin people are supported? And if
so, then maybe I would
say that at in the interviewer or I
would ask, you know, do you have any
employees with workplace accommodations and how do you
work with that?
You know, and the reaction to that question
would prove an answer. Right? And I'm not
saying the school that I work at is
perfect in any stretch of the imagination,
and I may have stumbled into something. So
I think that it really is hard
because some places don't want to hire out
autistic people. Some hiring managers. You know, they
say they won't discriminate, but they do. You
know? So in answer to your question, I'm
not really sure. I don't know. You know,
I think the biggest thing for me would
be is to make sure that I'm going
in a direction where I feel like people
would support.
You know, rather than, like, going backwards.
To a place where it's, like, I'd have
to them fight for these. Are there legal
requirements?
Of business owners to provide these
accommodations, the way that, you know, in the
school were legally bound to for certain things.
Really, really good questions. So
Americans with disabilities act does include
certain neuro groups.
So autism is absolutely included under Ada.
Adhd is a little bit different,
but Adhd can,
be included in Ada for workplace accommodations depending
on how much it impacts the person. So
if you're really impacted by your Adhd, there
are ways to find workplace accommodations for that.
It's just... I think that's a little more
dicey, but it's all covered under the Americans
with disabilities act. So that is where the
the Idea comes from. It's all kind of
pulled
out of that 05:04 plans are also in
that. But once you have
official Hr accommodations are protected by law. I
would be hard pressed to prove anything,
But that's again, why it's on file. It's
just to save me. Mh. We it.
But, yes, once you have these accommodations, you
have the right.
To that. You know, You have the absolute
right to say this hasn't been handled well,
or I need this. And that's why I
again, I was so careful in not
asking for too much. And I hate to
put it that limit. You know, I was
ready to make my case. I was ready
to be like, well, if you say no
to this, then this is why I want...
You know that kind of thing. Mh. But
now that they're on the books, it is
something where I at least... Would be able
to say, here are some reasons why autistic
people get fired.
So
you're doing that to me right now. And
that's again, that protections on. It doesn't seem
like you had to fight that hard. No.
I did not. I'm very lucky that I
didn't. I credit our Hr team.
With that new head of Hr is disabled
herself. So I think she understands that that
you indeed through people that have accommodations in
the workplace So, yeah, I was pleasantly surprised
at not having to fight at all, really,
just needed to do a lot of explaining.
A lot of explain. Why do you need
this? What is this? Mh. And I think
it also helped to have somebody else who
had laid this path.
Before me. So another coworker who has
accommodations for her autism.
So she paved the way from making and
this in a lot of ways. And so
how would you say it's changed now that
you have the questions
accommodation, for instance,
the clarifying stuff? How are things different? So
the challenges is, I am not
disclosing to everyone in my workplace right now.
Mh. I have made some choices. And so
In the autistic community, we talk a lot
about the term masking, and I don't know
if you guys know that is
explain it. So the idea of masking,
is
as an autistic person, we navigate the world
learning how to fit in with neuro difficult
people.
And that is incredibly exhausted. So the idea
of masking is that we put up our
mask and me say,
I'm gonna try to be as neuro typical
as I possibly can today, Just to fit
in at work and just to get through
my dad.
And
a lot of people when they have a
diagnosis all of a sudden like you wanna
un mask. You wanna be your authentic self,
but that can actually allude to its own
challenges. That can relate to its own problems.
So I was lucky to take a workshop
with this amazing
autistic coach named Matthew.
And he talked about masking as a tool.
So not everybody has
deserves to see the real.
Not every person deserves to know and to
be trusted with the fact that I am
autistic.
There are people at my school where
They've said the quiet part out loud, You
know? An independent school is not always a
place for a neuro kid? Yeah. So how
do we treat our adults? In our population.
And so that is where I have made
choices where I'm like, you know, what, I'm
not gonna be completely open and straightforward and
therefore
not everybody knows about my accommodations and not
everybody knows at me. Now,
I know I wasn't a graduation this year.
And if anybody asked me, I would say,
you know, direct your nose, Hr knows, that's
all I'll say about it. And if people
get stinking about that, that's on them. That's
really kind of none of my business, you
know? Yeah. And really, like who's paying that
close attention to you. Oh, people are. Okay.
I mean, after having a lot of jobs
where I've been kind of burned and and
just kind of pushed in sideline,
it's a risk that you take
that sometimes is worth it and sometimes is
not. Now everybody that I have disclosed to
at work has been wonderful and supportive it.
And my boss and my assistant director on
Hr. They've all been incredibly supportive. So I
have a lot of evidence that
I can trust the system that I'm in.
Can I trust every single person in the
system that I'm in to not act beard
or to not be like, oh, you should
like do not just or whatever that would
look like?
I don't know. And so that's why I'm
choosing to wear a mask some people and
not mask with others.
And that's far has served me very well.
I spent my whole first year in my
current job, not knowing.
So I'm still building relationships. My whole goal
for this year is just relationship relationship relationship.
So I'm am very hopeful
that nothing's gonna come with. That nothing will
change. And so far nothing really has.
And the people who matter they get it,
which I'm really, really happy with.
I hope that answered your question. It did.
Yeah. It's lovely. 1 thing that I've had
to come to terms with is that not
everybody is gonna, like, Right, If I a
mask and I show man to successfully, Part
of my job is rubbing people the wrong
way. Like, part of my job is standing
up for our students
and telling teachers pay, that's not cool, Like,
how you handled that situation was not great.
So
even just in the very nature of my
position, I am going to, you know,
I'm sorry a teacher who's been teaching for
30 years like you can't do. So
Part of my job is
just doing the job.
And you don't have to like me. We
have to get along enough to be coworkers.
At the end of the day, that's where
I'm really lucky to be in the workplace
that I am because people get that. They
appreciate that about... I've gotten
an email from my boss after I stood
up to a teacher in a meeting saying
thank you.
Sure like, my autistic tendency to be an
advocate and speak the truth is valued here.
You know, other places that nail that sticks
up is gonna go. Way, you're gonna hammer
it down. You know, don't say that.
So I think it's a big combination of
things.
I'm very, very lucky. And also, I think
this is something I wanna acknowledge to.
I have a ton of privilege
when it comes to my office. I have
its ton
of privilege because I can afford to get
an assessment.
I can afford to take my daughter to
all these really expensive therapies and camps.
And so I think that for me, when
you guys ask me about, like, who should
get a diagnosis or, you know, what's it,
like,
there are so many barriers in our society
to
autistic people of color, getting this support that
they need, autistic people who don't speak English,
getting what they need. So I am very,
very blessed to be in an environment that
supports me and to be in a workplace
that supports me. And I also acknowledge that
not everybody is as lucky as I am
or as privileged as Am. So I put
that out there only to say that, you
know, everything smells like Roses.
But that really isn't always the case. And
part of my heart is in supporting those
autistic adults who don't tab entries that I
have. You'll hear stories about, like, people can't
keep down a job. There's
discrimination. There's color, there's all the stuff.
And so
I just put out there that I'm pretty
lucky to not have had to fight to
have people that support me. How has it
informed your parenting? Oh, it's amazing.
I actually have a story to tell about
this. So
Last night, my daughter was having
really,
really hard time getting to sleep like, so
hard. Like, she was just running around spinning,
just doing all of her sensory stuff.
And I thought about it to myself and
like, if I were in her shoes right
now. What would I need to calm myself
down as an autistic person can get into
sensory overload.
And when I tapped into that, I was
able to get her to go sleep? I
gave her really deep pressure back,
I sat with her, and a lot of
parents, the super would have been like, no.
Just go in your room and calm down.
Just go in there and stay quiet and
what she really needed,
and this comes from my understanding as an
autistic adult.
She needed her literal nerves, her nervous sister
needed to calm down. If she
could calm herself down, she would have Mh.
So
the information that I have for myself. It's
like, oh, I need to take a shower.
I need to do something that
physically changes my situation or the temperature doesn't
where there's a loud noise. So knowing that
helps me get my daughter to bed. If
I had just done, like, more traditional set...
Parenting, she would have had to just
knock herself out. And we've had nights like
that.
But I think it makes me such a
better parent from my daughter because
I have it more nuanced understanding of what
she's going through. So I think it's been
really great opportunity to change my parenting to
shift my parenting
into something that really works for her. Mh.
To be fair though, my daughter also has
language processing challenges that are a bit different
than
my own growing up, So it's not if
1 to 1 correspondence,
but it does help. Sound like it. That's
awesome. What do you want other
people to know?
So much so much. I can make my
own podcast about what I want. I what
I want other means now. But I think
that
a couple of things that I would say
to other adults
looking into this process,
make it all about you.
This is all about you. Don't worry about
whether or not you're gonna get the workplace
accommodations. Don't worry about it. If you can't
afford it, That's fine. You can self diagnose.
If you can, great. You'll find something out
about yourself, but it has to be what
you want and it has to be something
that you do for yourself and not for
other people.
You can get so much out of it,
but it's also something where if you truly
believe you're autistic, and you've got it and
it works for you and you're trying your
best.
That also works. So I think that this
is a great thing for some people,
but you are totally within your rights to
not want. To get a diagnosis, and that's
okay.
The process after... What happens after you get
a diagnosis. This is also really interesting.
Because it can really shake you. It can
shake your world.
And
even though, like, sometimes it's like, oh, well
I already knew that about myself, having the
formal diagnosis can be a game changer both
for good and for that. So
it's an emotional roller coat. So also, if
you are going to do it, make sure
that you have the emotional support system in
place to deal with what might be the
fallout for you. And I don't mean that
in a bad way. It's a totally new
frame to see your life through.
And with that, you're gonna have to
just think about things in a new way.
For me, the biggest 1 was my sensory
system.
Understanding now,
I didn't even know when I was hungry.
Like, I didn't no hunger.
And so this is something that is the
part of autism it's called intra perception and
knowing your body.
So I had a huge shift
in my understanding and that was a positive,
but it can be a shot. So I
think that would also be something I would
want people to know is this can be
really positive.
There are also people out there who say
they wish they never had a today. Mh.
And I seen some of those people that
I've talked to about them.
So
I would also say to just do your
homework, make sure that you really do this
for yourself. Know what you're getting into. And
for me again, I'm lucky to say it
has been an amazing experience.
For me. Again, there is nothing wrong with
deciding this is not for you. And in
the autistic community, there are divides between self
diagnosis
and
medical diagnosis. They're clinical...
With that,
it's also when you go for a medical
diagnosis, that's f too.
Because a lot of
medicine wants to eradicate autism and not support
op.
There are people that they're doing studies, how
do we pure autism.
And so for some people going into the
medical model, it's not something they wanna do
because they don't wanna be cured. They don't
wanna be fixed.
Seen as a problem. So there's also that...
But in terms of divide between
self diagnosis and formal, I don't think there
should be. I think you know you're autistic
1 you're,
so that would be another thing. So we've
talked a little bit about how your diagnosis
has informed your parenting.
How has it
informed your role as the learning specialist.
So that's a really great question. I feel
like
I've always had compassion
for our learning diver students.
But now I see it more
as an obligation.
By the way, it's no small.
Coincidence
that somehow you wound up in this field.
That is not worth free.
Yeah. The stars aligned. I mean, I've always
felt quirky. I've always definitely am amazing thing,
but I feel like now though...
And this is something that I do struggle
with a little bit because if I am
not fully living my truth, my autistic truth
on campus.
How can I expect our students to want
to take their accommodations or not feel shame,
So I'm not out to our student population?
Yet. But that's something that I'm am considering
because the biggest goal that I have for
my students with the accommodations is that they
feel
full in their diagnoses.
They feel proud of themselves as learners, and
they work twice as hard as these kids
who look around and they're, oh, they're just
the Ap plus student. You know, we all
know that they hit their wall in high
school. Right? Or they're gonna hit their wall
in college. Hard whereas the kids who have
been working on reading or working their whole
eyes on these things, they develop that grid.
It makes me more compassionate, it makes me
more
of a fighter
when it comes to, like, getting my students
the accommodations because I had to advocate for
my own accommodations.
And I want that same
buyer more of my students. There are a
lot of kids at my school who... They
feel shame. They feel bad. They feel like
they're not good enough. They look around. Everybody's
better than me. Everybody's getting A's. I'm getting
to see
And those are the kids that I want
them to know that
their diagnosis doesn't make them dumb. It doesn't
make them stupid.
And so I think that my own diagnosis
has lit that buyer both of compassion and
advocacy for the students that Are I work.
Love that. Mh. Thank you for being here.
Thank you for your vulnerability
and let's send on that. Note. Yeah. And
thank you for doing what you do, and
being willing to share. My pleasure. Alright. I
have a great week, Smart.
Have a great week. Have a great week.