WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.480 --> 00:00:02.080 - Hey, everyone. This is Kurt Franck. I'm from 2 00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:04.160 - Leading Saints. Now have you grabbed your free 3 00:00:04.160 --> 00:00:07.919 - seat at the Liberating Saints virtual summit? This 4 00:00:07.919 --> 00:00:09.859 - is free to attend anywhere in the world. 5 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:12.799 - Starts on June 30, which is coming up 6 00:00:12.799 --> 00:00:14.714 - quick here. So you gotta make sure you 7 00:00:14.714 --> 00:00:16.894 - stay in the loop by grabbing your free, 8 00:00:17.515 --> 00:00:20.475 - spot to view the virtual summit. And I 9 00:00:20.475 --> 00:00:22.494 - wanna share with you a quick clip again. 10 00:00:22.554 --> 00:00:24.475 - I'm trying to share as, many of these 11 00:00:24.475 --> 00:00:26.574 - clips as possible. Just give you a flavor 12 00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:30.000 - of what's gonna be involved and included in 13 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:33.380 - this virtual summit where we explore all things, 14 00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:36.420 - pornography, those that struggle with pornography, 15 00:00:37.120 --> 00:00:39.280 - and, you know, we wanna minister to those 16 00:00:39.280 --> 00:00:40.420 - individuals effectively 17 00:00:40.825 --> 00:00:42.825 - who are struggling with pornography. So that's why 18 00:00:42.825 --> 00:00:44.604 - we're doing a deep dive here. This is 19 00:00:44.745 --> 00:00:46.445 - a topic that a lot of leaders, 20 00:00:47.065 --> 00:00:50.585 - are engaging with and mentoring individuals through and 21 00:00:50.585 --> 00:00:52.825 - so forth. So we wanna make sure we 22 00:00:52.825 --> 00:00:54.130 - have a strong 23 00:00:54.510 --> 00:00:56.750 - library of content when it comes to this 24 00:00:56.750 --> 00:00:59.149 - topic. So this is Kristen Jensen that you're 25 00:00:59.149 --> 00:01:00.690 - about to hear, and 26 00:01:01.469 --> 00:01:04.609 - she is the founder of Defend Young Minds, 27 00:01:04.670 --> 00:01:06.989 - which is a phenomenal resource, also happens to 28 00:01:06.989 --> 00:01:08.670 - be a Latter day Saint. And so anytime 29 00:01:08.670 --> 00:01:09.170 - I, 30 00:01:09.814 --> 00:01:11.974 - you know, try and and and talk about 31 00:01:11.974 --> 00:01:14.375 - or create content around this topic, I always 32 00:01:14.375 --> 00:01:16.774 - make sure we involve Kristen. She does such 33 00:01:16.774 --> 00:01:19.254 - great work in the context of how porn 34 00:01:19.254 --> 00:01:19.754 - impacts 35 00:01:20.055 --> 00:01:20.795 - young minds, 36 00:01:21.575 --> 00:01:23.979 - you know, children and teenagers. And so she 37 00:01:23.979 --> 00:01:26.640 - talks about in this clip the four jobs 38 00:01:27.900 --> 00:01:31.500 - that, young people hire pornography for. That's maybe 39 00:01:31.500 --> 00:01:33.760 - a weird way to frame it, but, using 40 00:01:33.819 --> 00:01:33.979 - some, 41 00:01:35.415 --> 00:01:36.394 - some more secular 42 00:01:36.694 --> 00:01:38.715 - framing of why people 43 00:01:39.254 --> 00:01:41.254 - why young minds go to porn, and what 44 00:01:41.254 --> 00:01:43.254 - are they looking for? What what urges are 45 00:01:43.254 --> 00:01:45.174 - they trying to satisfy? And I think the 46 00:01:45.174 --> 00:01:47.194 - more we understand this, the more 47 00:01:47.670 --> 00:01:49.829 - ready and prepared we are to address it. 48 00:01:49.829 --> 00:01:51.590 - So let's jump into it. Here's a clip 49 00:01:51.590 --> 00:01:54.250 - from Kristen Jensen from the liberating saints 50 00:01:54.629 --> 00:01:55.609 - virtual summit. 51 00:01:56.390 --> 00:01:59.689 - So here's a question. Do we really know 52 00:01:59.989 --> 00:02:00.890 - why kids 53 00:02:02.234 --> 00:02:03.055 - use porn? 54 00:02:03.834 --> 00:02:05.135 - We may think we know, 55 00:02:05.754 --> 00:02:06.734 - but as I've 56 00:02:07.194 --> 00:02:09.675 - researched and searched for ways to help kids 57 00:02:09.675 --> 00:02:10.735 - become more resilient 58 00:02:11.115 --> 00:02:12.334 - to the harms of pornography, 59 00:02:12.955 --> 00:02:15.675 - I've realized that we may have been missing, 60 00:02:15.675 --> 00:02:17.215 - you know, some critical information 61 00:02:17.730 --> 00:02:18.629 - on the motivation 62 00:02:18.930 --> 00:02:19.750 - of why, 63 00:02:20.370 --> 00:02:21.669 - kids seek out pornography. 64 00:02:22.210 --> 00:02:24.530 - So I'm really convinced that we just can't 65 00:02:24.530 --> 00:02:25.030 - assume 66 00:02:25.409 --> 00:02:26.790 - that we know all the reasons 67 00:02:27.250 --> 00:02:29.409 - why kids use porn, and we need to 68 00:02:29.409 --> 00:02:31.969 - ask more questions. So is it just simple 69 00:02:31.969 --> 00:02:32.469 - curiosity? 70 00:02:33.534 --> 00:02:35.615 - What kinds of jobs do kids hire porn 71 00:02:35.615 --> 00:02:38.435 - to do, and how can we convince kids 72 00:02:38.655 --> 00:02:40.435 - to reject porn and how, 73 00:02:40.974 --> 00:02:41.794 - and higher, 74 00:02:42.655 --> 00:02:43.715 - healthier behaviors? 75 00:02:44.735 --> 00:02:47.634 - And the general insights that we came out 76 00:02:48.259 --> 00:02:50.739 - were that, there was a lack of sexual 77 00:02:50.739 --> 00:02:51.959 - information from parents 78 00:02:53.620 --> 00:02:55.620 - because they were embarrassed. They were embarrassed to 79 00:02:55.620 --> 00:02:57.080 - talk about sex. 80 00:02:58.019 --> 00:03:00.599 - Some parents reacted with shaming and disappointment 81 00:03:00.900 --> 00:03:02.840 - when they found that their kids were involved 82 00:03:02.955 --> 00:03:04.495 - or even addicted to pornography. 83 00:03:05.915 --> 00:03:06.655 - And we, 84 00:03:07.675 --> 00:03:10.235 - you know, came to the conclusion that parents 85 00:03:10.235 --> 00:03:12.474 - can benefit from more training, and I would 86 00:03:12.474 --> 00:03:13.935 - say leaders can too. 87 00:03:14.634 --> 00:03:17.215 - So let's look at what we found. After 88 00:03:17.275 --> 00:03:20.650 - analyzing all the interviews, we actually identified 89 00:03:21.430 --> 00:03:23.129 - four categories of jobs. 90 00:03:23.750 --> 00:03:24.889 - So the first category 91 00:03:25.269 --> 00:03:28.810 - was curiosity and knowledge. So when I'm interested 92 00:03:28.870 --> 00:03:31.209 - in and curious about sex and sexuality 93 00:03:31.865 --> 00:03:34.185 - and I see clues about sex all over 94 00:03:34.185 --> 00:03:36.444 - my environment, you know, songs and jokes, 95 00:03:37.944 --> 00:03:40.125 - shows and social media, whatever, 96 00:03:40.745 --> 00:03:41.245 - it's, 97 00:03:41.784 --> 00:03:44.504 - and it's taboo or embarrassing to bring up 98 00:03:44.504 --> 00:03:45.245 - to my parents. 99 00:03:45.800 --> 00:03:47.639 - I'm gonna hire porn to help me learn 100 00:03:47.639 --> 00:03:48.460 - about sex. 101 00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:50.540 - And we do find that 102 00:03:50.919 --> 00:03:54.040 - porn is really the the major sex ed 103 00:03:54.040 --> 00:03:55.340 - for kids these days, 104 00:03:57.240 --> 00:03:58.860 - which is really sad. 105 00:04:00.555 --> 00:04:03.435 - Stress and emotions was the second category. When 106 00:04:03.435 --> 00:04:06.155 - I'm stressed or don't feel strong, loving bonds 107 00:04:06.155 --> 00:04:08.715 - from others, and I don't have someone or 108 00:04:08.715 --> 00:04:10.014 - something to turn to, 109 00:04:10.314 --> 00:04:12.254 - help me find comfort, affection, 110 00:04:12.875 --> 00:04:13.694 - and distraction 111 00:04:14.555 --> 00:04:15.455 - from the pain 112 00:04:16.009 --> 00:04:17.389 - of negative emotions. 113 00:04:18.170 --> 00:04:18.990 - Number three, 114 00:04:19.290 --> 00:04:22.410 - normalizing sexual abuse. When I've been sexually abused 115 00:04:22.410 --> 00:04:24.330 - and I'm confused by what has happened to 116 00:04:24.330 --> 00:04:27.389 - me, help me normalize my sexual trauma, 117 00:04:28.330 --> 00:04:30.910 - and or feel more grown up through sexual 118 00:04:30.970 --> 00:04:31.470 - means. 119 00:04:32.545 --> 00:04:34.625 - And then number four was just freedom and 120 00:04:34.625 --> 00:04:35.685 - testing borders. 121 00:04:36.145 --> 00:04:38.645 - When I have felt confined by my parents' 122 00:04:38.705 --> 00:04:40.245 - strict rules all my life 123 00:04:40.545 --> 00:04:41.685 - and felt pressure 124 00:04:42.064 --> 00:04:43.845 - to be good or even perfect, 125 00:04:44.600 --> 00:04:46.600 - Help me test borders and even be a 126 00:04:46.600 --> 00:04:47.420 - little rebellious, 127 00:04:48.520 --> 00:04:49.339 - in a quiet 128 00:04:49.639 --> 00:04:50.779 - secret way. 129 00:04:53.879 --> 00:04:56.520 - Alright. So looking at curiosity, and let's look 130 00:04:56.520 --> 00:04:57.740 - at job number one. 131 00:04:59.205 --> 00:05:02.084 - Again, when I'm interested and curious about sex, 132 00:05:02.084 --> 00:05:03.685 - when I hear about sex from friends at 133 00:05:03.685 --> 00:05:04.185 - school, 134 00:05:04.564 --> 00:05:06.884 - maybe I become start to become attracted to 135 00:05:06.884 --> 00:05:07.384 - others. 136 00:05:08.165 --> 00:05:10.745 - When my parents are too embarrassed or awkward 137 00:05:10.805 --> 00:05:12.504 - to talk about it with me, 138 00:05:13.050 --> 00:05:14.490 - and I feel like I might get in 139 00:05:14.490 --> 00:05:16.569 - trouble if my parents find out that I'm 140 00:05:16.569 --> 00:05:17.790 - interested in sex. 141 00:05:18.730 --> 00:05:20.970 - And this would pertain especially, I think, to 142 00:05:20.970 --> 00:05:22.110 - girls even. 143 00:05:23.610 --> 00:05:25.689 - Help me, you know, porn. I'm gonna hire 144 00:05:25.689 --> 00:05:27.870 - you so I can learn what sex is, 145 00:05:28.285 --> 00:05:30.605 - understand what friends and media are talking about 146 00:05:30.605 --> 00:05:33.245 - because no kid wants to be the dummy 147 00:05:33.245 --> 00:05:33.904 - and not, 148 00:05:34.764 --> 00:05:36.944 - you know, in the know. Right? 149 00:05:38.685 --> 00:05:41.245 - And understand my own feelings. So it's more 150 00:05:41.245 --> 00:05:41.745 - about 151 00:05:42.449 --> 00:05:45.189 - learning about something innate and natural. 152 00:05:45.730 --> 00:05:48.790 - It's more about curiosity, about feelings and attractions, 153 00:05:49.009 --> 00:05:50.470 - and also wanting to know 154 00:05:51.009 --> 00:05:53.410 - what friends and other media, you know, what 155 00:05:53.410 --> 00:05:54.470 - they're talking about. 156 00:05:54.865 --> 00:05:57.504 - And it's less about fulfilling a craving for 157 00:05:57.504 --> 00:05:58.964 - sex or sexual desire 158 00:05:59.345 --> 00:06:01.685 - or even being deceitful or secret. 159 00:06:02.064 --> 00:06:05.344 - It's really just wanting to learn and and 160 00:06:05.344 --> 00:06:07.844 - being curious and not having other 161 00:06:10.139 --> 00:06:12.959 - avenues that are as easy as pornography. 162 00:06:13.419 --> 00:06:13.919 - Right? 163 00:06:15.819 --> 00:06:19.039 - So from that, we really understand that 164 00:06:19.339 --> 00:06:21.919 - because kids are bombarded with sexual cues 165 00:06:22.220 --> 00:06:23.599 - from the environment, 166 00:06:24.185 --> 00:06:25.004 - from media. 167 00:06:26.105 --> 00:06:28.345 - We know that those messages don't just bounce 168 00:06:28.345 --> 00:06:30.205 - off of them just because they're young, 169 00:06:30.665 --> 00:06:33.145 - and and kids are wired to learn how 170 00:06:33.145 --> 00:06:33.964 - to grow up. 171 00:06:36.279 --> 00:06:37.479 - They're they have 172 00:06:38.040 --> 00:06:40.779 - children imitate what they see parents do. 173 00:06:41.160 --> 00:06:42.699 - They follow their curiosity. 174 00:06:44.519 --> 00:06:46.779 - They want to figure things out, 175 00:06:47.959 --> 00:06:50.040 - and they feel driven to figure things out. 176 00:06:50.040 --> 00:06:51.944 - So if their parents won't talk to them 177 00:06:52.185 --> 00:06:54.745 - about human intimacy and sex, they have a 178 00:06:54.745 --> 00:06:57.165 - lot of options, right, that are less embarrassing 179 00:06:57.305 --> 00:06:57.805 - potentially. 180 00:06:58.425 --> 00:07:01.004 - Porn is definitely the biggest one out there. 181 00:07:02.024 --> 00:07:04.685 - Parents are competing with the porn industry 182 00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:07.199 - for the sexual templates and the sexual health 183 00:07:07.199 --> 00:07:08.020 - of their kids. 184 00:07:09.199 --> 00:07:11.120 - That's why it's so important for parents to 185 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:12.740 - set themselves up early 186 00:07:13.199 --> 00:07:15.439 - as the go to person to talk to 187 00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:17.379 - about sex. And BYU, 188 00:07:17.839 --> 00:07:21.164 - professor Bradley Wilcox said, young people who get 189 00:07:21.164 --> 00:07:23.664 - answers from parents at early ages are usually 190 00:07:24.125 --> 00:07:27.324 - the ones who avoid sexual experimentation. So they 191 00:07:27.324 --> 00:07:27.824 - definitely, 192 00:07:28.685 --> 00:07:29.745 - become more resilient 193 00:07:30.764 --> 00:07:33.964 - when they have those conversations early and and 194 00:07:33.964 --> 00:07:34.464 - often. 195 00:07:35.680 --> 00:07:37.300 - So let's look at job two. 196 00:07:37.759 --> 00:07:38.259 - Alright? 197 00:07:39.839 --> 00:07:42.339 - Dealing with stress and emotions. So 198 00:07:42.720 --> 00:07:45.139 - sever several of the people that we interviewed 199 00:07:45.919 --> 00:07:48.159 - talked about using porn to help them deal 200 00:07:48.159 --> 00:07:48.819 - with stress 201 00:07:49.305 --> 00:07:51.805 - or painful emotions like a divorce. Right? 202 00:07:52.584 --> 00:07:54.904 - And that is really backed up by current 203 00:07:54.904 --> 00:07:55.404 - research 204 00:07:56.105 --> 00:07:58.925 - that shows that depression predicts porn use 205 00:07:59.545 --> 00:08:01.944 - and then becomes a vicious cycle. Right? As 206 00:08:01.944 --> 00:08:03.004 - porn use continues, 207 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:05.220 - as porn use increases, 208 00:08:06.160 --> 00:08:07.779 - mental health decreases, 209 00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:11.120 - which takes a person right back to porn, 210 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:13.459 - which has become their go to stress reliever. 211 00:08:15.279 --> 00:08:15.779 - So 212 00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:16.660 - it's 213 00:08:17.134 --> 00:08:19.475 - more about getting temporary relief 214 00:08:20.014 --> 00:08:20.915 - from pain, 215 00:08:22.574 --> 00:08:25.074 - a lack of a relationship with other people, 216 00:08:26.254 --> 00:08:27.235 - that is loving, 217 00:08:29.149 --> 00:08:32.850 - and just the inability to deal well with 218 00:08:32.909 --> 00:08:35.009 - stress and with painful feelings. 219 00:08:36.029 --> 00:08:38.190 - So it's more about that. It's less about 220 00:08:38.190 --> 00:08:39.250 - feeding an addiction, 221 00:08:39.950 --> 00:08:42.589 - wanting to be isolated, or not wanting to 222 00:08:42.589 --> 00:08:44.804 - engage in fulfilling activities. Just this 223 00:08:45.605 --> 00:08:46.745 - lack of ability, 224 00:08:47.605 --> 00:08:49.225 - this lack of emotional resilience. 225 00:08:50.644 --> 00:08:51.144 - So 226 00:08:51.764 --> 00:08:54.485 - our you know, what we would recommend from 227 00:08:54.485 --> 00:08:56.664 - that would be to make sure you teach 228 00:08:56.884 --> 00:09:00.039 - emotional resilience, and it's helpful to help children 229 00:09:00.039 --> 00:09:00.539 - identify 230 00:09:01.159 --> 00:09:01.980 - their emotions. 231 00:09:02.679 --> 00:09:05.559 - It's helpful to model healthy ways to deal 232 00:09:05.559 --> 00:09:08.299 - with negative emotions yourself so they see 233 00:09:08.840 --> 00:09:09.740 - an adult 234 00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:13.559 - modeling a healthy way to deal with negative 235 00:09:13.559 --> 00:09:14.059 - emotions. 236 00:09:15.424 --> 00:09:17.764 - We have something called emotional care tags, 237 00:09:18.225 --> 00:09:20.304 - and it's I won't go into it a 238 00:09:20.304 --> 00:09:21.044 - lot here, 239 00:09:21.585 --> 00:09:23.745 - but, it is in a guide that we 240 00:09:23.745 --> 00:09:25.924 - have on defend young minds called building 241 00:09:26.304 --> 00:09:28.004 - emotional resilience in kids. 242 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:30.399 - And it's just a way to customize a 243 00:09:30.399 --> 00:09:30.899 - plan 244 00:09:31.360 --> 00:09:33.299 - for your child or even yourself. 245 00:09:33.840 --> 00:09:35.920 - You know? When you're in a situation and 246 00:09:35.920 --> 00:09:37.860 - you feel certain strong emotions, 247 00:09:38.320 --> 00:09:39.920 - you know, what are some things that you 248 00:09:39.920 --> 00:09:40.740 - can do, 249 00:09:41.600 --> 00:09:42.100 - to 250 00:09:43.875 --> 00:09:46.294 - deal with that emotion in a healthy way 251 00:09:46.674 --> 00:09:48.375 - instead of going to an unhealthy 252 00:09:50.274 --> 00:09:50.774 - behavior 253 00:09:51.154 --> 00:09:51.654 - like 254 00:09:52.434 --> 00:09:52.934 - pornography? 255 00:09:55.690 --> 00:09:58.009 - So there's the guide. Let's see. Okay. Let's 256 00:09:58.009 --> 00:10:00.269 - move on to job number three, 257 00:10:01.449 --> 00:10:02.509 - sexual abuse. 258 00:10:02.970 --> 00:10:05.929 - Children who have experienced sexual abuse report going 259 00:10:05.929 --> 00:10:08.909 - to porn to actually normalize their trauma. 260 00:10:09.529 --> 00:10:10.429 - You know, they 261 00:10:11.004 --> 00:10:13.245 - they have this trauma, but they want to 262 00:10:13.245 --> 00:10:13.985 - feel like 263 00:10:14.444 --> 00:10:17.804 - they're not a weird degenerate monster. They want 264 00:10:17.804 --> 00:10:19.985 - to feel like this is normal. 265 00:10:20.365 --> 00:10:22.845 - And it it seems to you know, they 266 00:10:22.845 --> 00:10:23.584 - have this 267 00:10:24.044 --> 00:10:26.304 - belief that if they watch it, 268 00:10:26.789 --> 00:10:29.590 - that it will and it maybe does. That 269 00:10:29.590 --> 00:10:30.090 - desensitizes 270 00:10:30.549 --> 00:10:31.049 - them. 271 00:10:33.190 --> 00:10:35.990 - So it's more about trying to cope with 272 00:10:35.990 --> 00:10:38.230 - something that feels wrong but is done by 273 00:10:38.230 --> 00:10:39.929 - somebody maybe that they trusted. 274 00:10:41.225 --> 00:10:42.605 - It's more about mimicking 275 00:10:42.985 --> 00:10:44.764 - what was done to them, 276 00:10:46.345 --> 00:10:49.065 - less about fulfilling a craving for sex or 277 00:10:49.065 --> 00:10:51.324 - sexual desire, at least initially. 278 00:10:51.945 --> 00:10:54.125 - It's less about just, you know, seeing 279 00:10:55.620 --> 00:10:57.720 - naked men or women or or sex. 280 00:10:58.100 --> 00:11:00.279 - It's really about normalizing a trauma. 281 00:11:01.700 --> 00:11:04.500 - And then number four, the fourth category that 282 00:11:04.500 --> 00:11:07.240 - we identified was freedom and testing borders. 283 00:11:07.825 --> 00:11:10.245 - Using porn to rebel quietly and 284 00:11:10.784 --> 00:11:11.284 - secretively 285 00:11:12.065 --> 00:11:13.044 - against authoritarian 286 00:11:13.424 --> 00:11:13.924 - parents 287 00:11:14.544 --> 00:11:16.804 - and the pressure to be perfect. 288 00:11:17.504 --> 00:11:20.784 - So more about making my own choices. Right? 289 00:11:20.784 --> 00:11:22.004 - Not feeling like I 290 00:11:22.409 --> 00:11:24.250 - always have to be good and perfect all 291 00:11:24.250 --> 00:11:24.909 - the time. 292 00:11:25.610 --> 00:11:29.230 - Alright, everybody. Now go to leadingsaints.org/liberating. 293 00:11:29.450 --> 00:11:31.049 - The link is in the show notes to 294 00:11:31.049 --> 00:11:32.889 - make it easy on you, and grab your 295 00:11:32.889 --> 00:11:33.709 - free seat 296 00:11:34.184 --> 00:11:36.985 - to this virtual summit coming up. And these 297 00:11:36.985 --> 00:11:38.605 - have always been super popular, 298 00:11:38.985 --> 00:11:41.784 - and you never want to miss them. So 299 00:11:41.784 --> 00:11:44.105 - lead leadingsaints.org/liberating, 300 00:11:44.105 --> 00:11:46.445 - and we'll see you there starting June 30.