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- <silence>

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- It is finally available.

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I've been working on a manuscript
for the past four years,

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and it is finally a book
I can hold in my hands.

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It's titled, is God Disappointed
In Me Removing Shame

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From a Gospel of Grace?

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This book has gotten so much attention

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that it is already a number
one Amazon bestseller.

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I'm Beyond amazed in
just a few words I wrote,

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is God Disappointed in
Me for Latter Day Saints

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who often feel overwhelmed by the gospel

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and who are constantly worrying
if they are doing enough.

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It's for the latter day Saint

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who have stepped away from the church.

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It's for the individuals who
appear to be living right

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but still can't find peace and happiness.

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And frankly, it's for
everyone who enjoys listening

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to the Leading Saints podcast.

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You will love and cherish this book.

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Now, warning, you might want

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to consider purchasing multiple
copies to share one Bishop

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who got an advanced copy,
read it in one weekend,

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and then literally purchased
100 additional copies.

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You can order it on Amazon.

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The link is in the show notes,

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or starting in March, you can
find it in your local Costco

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in Idaho, Utah, and Arizona.

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It's called Is God Disappointed
In Me and you can order it.

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Now,

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If you wanted further insight
into a Come Follow Me lesson,

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you'd probably search in YouTube

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or get the We Believe app,
tough church history questions.

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You'd reach out to the
BH Roberts Foundation.

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But what if you wanted to
learn to be a better leader?

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Well, I'm glad you asked.
You'd come to Leading Saints.

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That's why we exist

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to help Latter Day Saints
be better prepared to lead

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by being familiar with others'
leadership experiences,

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understand the latest leadership research,

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and finding a community to share ideas.

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That's why I'm glad you found
the Leading Saints podcast.

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We hope you will dive into the archives

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and visit leading saints.org to find out

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what are the top most listened
to episodes on the podcast.

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Welcome. You're gonna love it.

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Hey, leading Saints world, it's time

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for another throwback episode
on the Leading Saints podcast.

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And this one is quite unique

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and very appropriate for
what's happening right now.

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You just heard at the
beginning of this episode, uh,

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that a new book is out

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that I wrote called Is
God Disappointed In Me?

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And this has been a long journey.

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This started several years
ago with really this episode.

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You see, we were doing the
Liberating Saints Virtual

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conference where we did a deep
dive on how to be a leader

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or a mentor to individuals
struggling with pornography.

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And it's a series of different
presentations, which again,

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you can get access
to@leadingsaints.org slash 14.

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But one of those sessions was me,

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a presentation I did all about the role

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of shame when somebody is
struggling with pornography

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and really shame is ubiquitous.

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It is constantly in our lives no matter

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what struggles we have,
whether it's pornography,

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whether it's self-worth, or
whether it's just being human.

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So I put this presentation
together called Is

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God Disappointed In Me?

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I may have tied it a little
bit different back then,

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and I did this presentation and
the feedback was remarkable.

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The downloads were off the charts,

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and suddenly I was getting invitation

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after invitation to
come to different wards

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and stakes to put on a fire
site around this concept.

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And after doing that so
many times, I thought,

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Hmm, maybe this is it.

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Maybe this is that book
that needs to come out next.

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So I began writing, and
boy was it a long journey

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of putting this content together,

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but I'm so pleased with the end
product and how it came out.

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Uh, like I said in that intro,
I've had individuals read it

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and, uh, just become
more excited to share it.

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And so I wanted to share this
throwback episode with you

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to give you a flavor
of some of the concepts

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that I talk about in my new book.

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And maybe a will encourage
you to go get your own copy,

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which is a number one Amazon bestseller,

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and grab it on Amazon, of course,

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and it will, it will actually
start showing up in various

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Costcos along the, along
the Wasatch front in Utah

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and in Idaho, Arizona,

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and I think a few select
locations in California as well.

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So let's go back to where
it all began, the journey

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of this book with this presentation

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of is God disappointed in me?

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So today I wanna focus on some topics

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and some points, some perspectives
that will maybe, I pray

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that they'll help you as
maybe a leader as a parent,

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a loved one of an individual who's,

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who's struggling with pornography.

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And, uh, I wanna approach this
from a doctrinal standpoint.

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And this is always a healthy approach.

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Uh, the, the, uh, elder nar
he talks about in, uh, some

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of his books that when we teach
the gospel, it's very easy

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to approach it from an
application level, right?

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This is what you do, this
is how you do the gospel.

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And then he talks about above
that, there's the level, the,

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the principles approaching

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and teaching the gospel from
the level of principles.

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And then above that, there's approaching

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and talk, teaching the gospel
from the doctrinal level.

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And he always encourages

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whenever you are, are teaching the gospel

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to always start from the doctrinal level

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and allow each individual to
figure out maybe the principles

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and the application on your level.

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And so that's what I'm
gonna do today, is I want

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to talk about some doctrines.

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And again, sometimes we
use that word doctrine

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and sort of saying like, these
points cannot be argued with,

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these are doctrines have,
from my perspective,

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how I understand then
how I interpret them.

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And so you're free to disagree with these

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or you can interpret them a different way.

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But I hope that seeing these
doctrines will maybe help you,

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you better in your
journey mentoring somebody

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through a difficult, a difficult struggle

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with, uh, pornography.

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So let me, uh, pull up my slides here

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and, uh, we can jump into it here.

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Alright, so I wanna talk
about behaviors verse doctrine

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or behaviors verse the heart,

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because this is where it all begins.

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And the,

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we often approach these situations
thinking about behaviors,

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but that can sort of be a trap, right?

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As a leader, we may have somebody
coming into your bishop's

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office who's, and your, you
maintain focus on the behavior.

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What relapse did you have?
What did you look at?

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How many times, those types of things.

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Now, those details are, are important,

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but when an overemphasis,
there can actually be

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to the detriment of not only
that person trying to recover

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or overcome their
struggle with pornography,

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but it also can really hurt the,

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hurt your relationship
with that individual.

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So let's go with a, uh,
famous quote that, uh,

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most people are familiar with
and and know maybe too well.

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S elder boyd ca, pot packer
says, the study of doctrines

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of the gospel will improve
behavior quicker than a study,

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a behavior will improve behavior.

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Now, this is a great quote,

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but we rarely finish the
entire quote, which is,

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preoccupation with
unworthy behavior can lead

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to unworthy behavior.

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That is why we stress
so forcefully the study

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of the doctrines of the gospel.

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So in your effort to mentor an individual

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or help an individual overcome
pornography, my hope is

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that there's not an
overemphasis on the behaviors

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or else the preoccupation leads
to more negative behavior.

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Okay? And we'll go through
some of these tactics

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and why that's the case
and how we can avoid it.

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And really focusing on
doctrines, presenting doctrines,

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teaching doctrines, and let
that individual interpret them

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and be led to the scripture to ponder

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and digest those, those doctrines in his,

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in his own way, his or her way, right?

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So typically, here's the
thing is we often think, well,

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if I, if I emphasize good
behaviors, that's gonna lead

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to a change of heart.

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This individual will be able
to overcome their addiction.

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They'll be able, able to overcome their,

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their struggle with pornography.

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So I'm gonna encourage them
to read the scriptures,

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to attend church, to avoid certain things

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that lead to good behavior.

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But I really think we have
it backwards where we try

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and change behavior, which
leads to a change of heart.

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But I wanna propose that we change heart,

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which will then lead to
a change in behaviors

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or lead to good behaviors.

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Now, oftentimes it's, it's swapped.

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Sometimes we focus, we we
wanna avoid bad behaviors

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'cause that will change their heart.

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Or we're afraid that if we
change, if their heart changes,

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then that'll lead to bad behaviors, right?

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But I want you to focus on

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that changing heart truly
does lead to good behaviors.

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And that we, we need to
focus on the heart first

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before we can focus on behaviors

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where we make the mistake
often to focus on the heart so

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that the behaviors, or I'm
sorry, we make the mistake,

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you're getting this right,
you make, I make the mistake

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of focusing on behaviors in
hopes to change the heart.

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Okay? So how does Satan tempt us?

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This is an interesting question.

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One question that that was presented

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to me when I interviewed Rob Ferrell,

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who's a former young single
adult stake president.

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If you have not listened

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to this episode on the
Leading Saints podcast,

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it'd be worth, uh, maybe pausing the video

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and, uh, making a note to bookmark.

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That episode is actually the most listened

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to episode in the history
of, of leading saints.

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And, and it's probably
gonna be tough to beat.

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So I always love showing
this images when I do youth

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fireside, this image of, uh, you know,

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the typical cartoon attempting <laugh>.

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We've seen it with Donald Duck.

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We've seen it in, uh, the
emperor's new groove like this.

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Where we envision the way that
the saint tempts us is, well,

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obviously we have a good
angel that's encouraging us

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to do good things over
our, over our shoulder.

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And then there's the bad angel

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or the, the devil angel that
appears over our other shoulder

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that tempts us to go rob a
bank or go do something bad

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or go look at pornography.

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Right? And that's a bit
too simplistic, I believe,

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because the devil has a
much, the adversary, uh,

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Satan has a much more cunning plan

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as we learn in doctrine covenants.

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Uh, section 10 verse
12, the devil has sought

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to lay a cunning plan

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that he may destroy this work, okay?

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This isn't just some basic plan that, oh,

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he's just whispering
temptations in our ear,

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and that's what's getting
us to do bad things.

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No, no, no. It is much more
intense, much more cunning,

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much more deceptive, much
more complicated than that.

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So that this would be a
question to maybe sit with and,

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and let this question stir your heart.

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How does Satan tempt us?
How does he go about it?

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Here it is, Dr. CU 10
verse 26, he causes them

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to catch themselves in their own trap.

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He causes us to tempt, to,

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to catch themselves in our own trap.

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That sounds almost ridiculous, right?

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Why would we set our own
trap that we would step in,

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that the adversary would win, right?

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It's sort of like if you
were a, a, a football coach

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and you said, okay, team, here's our plan.

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Here's our game plan.
Gather round, listen close.

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00:11:14,385 --> 00:11:17,165
The way we're gonna win today
is we're gonna let the other

246
00:11:17,195 --> 00:11:18,925
team score all of the points.

247
00:11:19,465 --> 00:11:21,205
Now, that sounds ridiculous,

248
00:11:21,225 --> 00:11:23,645
but there are some teams that do that.

249
00:11:23,705 --> 00:11:26,685
And it breaks my heart. My
beloved Zach Wilson here.

250
00:11:26,745 --> 00:11:28,685
It seems like when he
played Utah, he, like,

251
00:11:28,745 --> 00:11:30,925
he scored the points for the other team.

252
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:33,405
Anyways, he totally redeemed himself

253
00:11:33,665 --> 00:11:34,805
in the games that followed.

254
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,965
But, uh, anyways, I'm
a big BYU fan, as many,

255
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,245
you know, and it broke my heart.

256
00:11:39,245 --> 00:11:42,245
And I know that maybe some mute
fans would appreciate this,

257
00:11:42,265 --> 00:11:44,485
but isn't this, this is
the Satan's plan, right?

258
00:11:44,715 --> 00:11:46,685
What we're gonna do is we're
gonna get the other team

259
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:48,725
to just throw, pick sixes all, all game.

260
00:11:48,825 --> 00:11:50,405
Now, that wouldn't be a great plan.

261
00:11:50,715 --> 00:11:51,845
This is very hard to do that.

262
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,485
But that is the adversary's plan,

263
00:11:53,665 --> 00:11:55,805
and it works so effectively.

264
00:11:56,265 --> 00:11:59,125
Dr. Cummins, section 10, verse 63, say

265
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:01,485
that Satan does stir up
the hearts of the people

266
00:12:01,745 --> 00:12:04,965
to contention concerning
the points of my doctrine.

267
00:12:05,305 --> 00:12:07,285
And then in these things they do air for,

268
00:12:07,285 --> 00:12:10,645
they do alter the scriptures
and do not understand them.

269
00:12:10,945 --> 00:12:13,605
Now, there's two words that
really stand out to me in, in

270
00:12:13,605 --> 00:12:15,685
that verse, heart and doctrine.

271
00:12:15,785 --> 00:12:17,925
He stirs up the hearts of the people

272
00:12:18,425 --> 00:12:22,605
and he to contention concerning
the points of my doctrine.

273
00:12:23,025 --> 00:12:25,045
So he explains this game with our hearts,

274
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,325
and he's playing it with our doctrine.

275
00:12:27,545 --> 00:12:30,445
He attacks our hearts through our doctrine

276
00:12:30,745 --> 00:12:34,405
or through the, by altering the doctrine,

277
00:12:34,665 --> 00:12:36,605
it causes contention in our mind.

278
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:40,405
And there is this contention
that causes us to sin

279
00:12:40,545 --> 00:12:41,645
and to be tempted

280
00:12:41,785 --> 00:12:43,765
and to do things that we
could have never imagined

281
00:12:43,765 --> 00:12:45,085
ourselves ever doing.

282
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,645
Okay? And that's what you,
we face with individuals

283
00:12:47,645 --> 00:12:48,805
that struggle with pornography.

284
00:12:48,995 --> 00:12:50,965
They never intended for this to happen.

285
00:12:51,235 --> 00:12:53,485
They never intended it
for, to get outta control

286
00:12:53,505 --> 00:12:56,285
to become almost to a level
of an addiction for them.

287
00:12:56,595 --> 00:12:57,925
Okay? Lemme give you an example

288
00:12:58,065 --> 00:13:00,045
of a clear example how this happens.

289
00:13:00,535 --> 00:13:03,605
These two words are some of
the, probably the most two

290
00:13:04,285 --> 00:13:05,885
powerful words in the English language

291
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:10,645
or in any language as translated,
you know, directly I am,

292
00:13:11,155 --> 00:13:12,885
this is, you know, even in the Bible,

293
00:13:12,995 --> 00:13:14,525
this is a scriptural phrase.

294
00:13:14,985 --> 00:13:17,685
You do a study about the words
I am and the scriptures, and,

295
00:13:17,685 --> 00:13:20,325
and it's remarkable the things
you can learn, right in the,

296
00:13:20,325 --> 00:13:22,605
the Old Testament, the Old Testament, I am

297
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:26,325
that I am he told Moses
that tell them that I am,

298
00:13:26,325 --> 00:13:28,005
that I am sent to you, right?

299
00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:32,445
So these words, they reflect
godliness to some degree

300
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,805
because the great I am, right?

301
00:13:35,225 --> 00:13:38,085
So this is, if there is one,

302
00:13:38,145 --> 00:13:39,405
if someone's to tell me, all right?

303
00:13:39,405 --> 00:13:40,445
Boil, boil downs.

304
00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:41,765
The the adversary's plan

305
00:13:42,185 --> 00:13:44,445
to one concept, and this would be it.

306
00:13:44,665 --> 00:13:46,365
He is trying to attack the phrase,

307
00:13:46,505 --> 00:13:48,725
the two most powerful words of I am.

308
00:13:48,825 --> 00:13:51,565
Or in other words, he constantly strives

309
00:13:51,565 --> 00:13:52,965
to attack our identity.

310
00:13:53,425 --> 00:13:55,765
Now, think of in the scriptures examples

311
00:13:55,765 --> 00:13:59,125
where it is re a specific temptation is

312
00:13:59,565 --> 00:14:00,805
recorded in the scriptures.

313
00:14:00,865 --> 00:14:02,325
Now, there's various of them,

314
00:14:02,345 --> 00:14:03,805
but I'm gonna share a few of them here.

315
00:14:03,835 --> 00:14:06,765
What about in the garden of
Edem Moses? Four verse 11.

316
00:14:07,195 --> 00:14:09,165
This is when the adversary
is tempting eve, right?

317
00:14:09,225 --> 00:14:12,845
For God to know that in the
days in the day ye eat thereof,

318
00:14:13,155 --> 00:14:14,605
then your eyes shall be open

319
00:14:15,025 --> 00:14:19,005
and ye shall be as God's
knowing good and evil.

320
00:14:19,385 --> 00:14:23,525
You see, he's coming to eve
with a temptation of identity.

321
00:14:24,145 --> 00:14:25,845
If you partake of this fruit,

322
00:14:26,315 --> 00:14:28,845
your identity will be different.

323
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:33,445
Your identity will be as the
gods knowing good and evil.

324
00:14:33,945 --> 00:14:35,845
So powerful. How about
this, this temptation

325
00:14:35,845 --> 00:14:38,045
of Matthew four, when
the adversary, you know,

326
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,365
crisis fasting 40 days and 40 nights,

327
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:43,045
and the, the, the adversary,
Satan is tempting Christ,

328
00:14:43,105 --> 00:14:46,285
he says, and when the
tempter came to him, he said,

329
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,885
if thou be the son of God, command

330
00:14:49,885 --> 00:14:51,410
that these stones be made bread.

331
00:14:51,705 --> 00:14:53,565
You see, he's tempting his identity.

332
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:57,405
If you truly believe that you
are the Savior of the world,

333
00:14:57,425 --> 00:14:59,765
the son of God then prove it, right?

334
00:15:00,105 --> 00:15:03,445
So he's always coming
at an angle of identity.

335
00:15:04,065 --> 00:15:08,725
And what, because that
identity is directly connected

336
00:15:08,725 --> 00:15:11,005
to our heart and connected to our mind.

337
00:15:11,385 --> 00:15:13,725
And that causes contention, right?

338
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:18,005
When these doctrines of I am
a child of God, I am the son

339
00:15:18,005 --> 00:15:20,245
of God, I am a daughter of God,

340
00:15:20,585 --> 00:15:23,325
and he causes contention
in that very doctrine,

341
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,965
then it reflects in our mind our identity.

342
00:15:27,205 --> 00:15:28,765
I love this quote by John Milton.

343
00:15:28,905 --> 00:15:30,965
The mind is its own place,

344
00:15:31,345 --> 00:15:33,045
and in itself can make a heaven

345
00:15:33,145 --> 00:15:34,765
of hell and a hell of heaven.

346
00:15:35,145 --> 00:15:36,845
Our mind is so powerful,

347
00:15:37,025 --> 00:15:39,845
and if the adversary
can impact our identity

348
00:15:39,845 --> 00:15:42,005
through our mind and our heart, he wins.

349
00:15:42,385 --> 00:15:43,525
That's how he tempts us.

350
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:47,045
He can corrupt us so much with
contention that we can't help

351
00:15:47,545 --> 00:15:51,085
but set our own trap, our own
snare, and step in it time,

352
00:15:51,095 --> 00:15:52,565
after time, after time.

353
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:54,845
So setting our own trap, how, what,

354
00:15:54,845 --> 00:15:56,165
lemme give you an example of this.

355
00:15:56,165 --> 00:15:58,205
This comes from actually the Lion King,

356
00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,285
the new Live action Lion King.

357
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,925
But I mean, obviously it's
almost the exact same movie.

358
00:16:03,185 --> 00:16:06,325
Uh, I have this exact same
movie as the animated movie,

359
00:16:06,385 --> 00:16:09,565
but let me show a clip,
actually a, a trailer from this.

360
00:16:09,625 --> 00:16:11,405
And I want you to pay
attention to the voice

361
00:16:11,435 --> 00:16:12,925
that you hear throughout this trailer.

362
00:16:13,035 --> 00:16:14,925
That the voices, there's two voices.

363
00:16:15,385 --> 00:16:17,365
The voice of the adversary,
which is represented

364
00:16:17,385 --> 00:16:18,445
by scar, right?

365
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,245
And the voice of our father in
heaven, which is represented

366
00:16:21,465 --> 00:16:24,005
by, by Mufasa, right?

367
00:16:24,035 --> 00:16:28,565
With James Earl Jones being
the voice. So here is that clip

368
00:16:42,665 --> 00:16:47,365
- Who see, I when I shall never be king,

369
00:16:50,305 --> 00:16:55,125
you I'll never see the
light of another day.

370
00:17:00,695 --> 00:17:02,165
- Everything you see

371
00:17:03,945 --> 00:17:06,045
exists together in a delicate balance

372
00:17:11,815 --> 00:17:15,645
while others search for what
they can take, a true king

373
00:17:16,525 --> 00:17:17,645
searches for what he can give,

374
00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:29,045
- Run away, run away, and never return.

375
00:17:47,825 --> 00:17:49,005
- You must take your
- Place

376
00:17:53,825 --> 00:17:55,045
in the circle of life.

377
00:18:18,155 --> 00:18:20,295
- So I love that, that trailer, that clip,

378
00:18:20,295 --> 00:18:22,815
because the, the contrast

379
00:18:22,815 --> 00:18:25,135
between the two voices
that are in there, right?

380
00:18:25,135 --> 00:18:27,855
The voice of the adversary
and the voice of our father

381
00:18:28,435 --> 00:18:30,535
and the adversary is saying things like,

382
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,415
life isn't fair, right?

383
00:18:32,675 --> 00:18:36,055
Run away. And as we know, those
who have seen the, the movie

384
00:18:36,805 --> 00:18:40,655
Scar convinces Simba that he
actually killed his father.

385
00:18:40,765 --> 00:18:41,975
That it is his fault.

386
00:18:42,435 --> 00:18:45,895
And so though he tells him
to run away, he doesn't,

387
00:18:45,945 --> 00:18:47,975
Simba doesn't take much convincing

388
00:18:47,975 --> 00:18:50,575
because he is attacked Simba's identity of

389
00:18:50,575 --> 00:18:51,655
how he sees himself.

390
00:18:52,035 --> 00:18:54,135
And therefore, Simba sets his own snare

391
00:18:54,135 --> 00:18:56,775
and just leaves, he solves
the problem for the adversary

392
00:18:56,875 --> 00:18:58,935
by leaving, which in in turn makes the

393
00:18:58,935 --> 00:19:00,055
adversary king, right?

394
00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:03,175
So I wanna highlight the story of Steve.

395
00:19:03,795 --> 00:19:06,815
Now, you, you probably, if
you have been watching the,

396
00:19:06,915 --> 00:19:09,975
the summit, you've actually
heard the whole interview

397
00:19:10,085 --> 00:19:13,655
with Steve, and he has a
remarkable story of his journey

398
00:19:13,655 --> 00:19:15,415
through addiction and overcoming that

399
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,535
and being in recovery now.

400
00:19:16,915 --> 00:19:18,455
And, and there's so much I learned

401
00:19:18,455 --> 00:19:20,975
so much from Steve when
I, when I talk with him

402
00:19:21,275 --> 00:19:23,095
and you listen, you actually can listen

403
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,895
to Steve's full story through
the Leading Saints podcast.

404
00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:28,055
And it's actually in
the resources section.

405
00:19:28,275 --> 00:19:30,095
If you scroll down, you
see a picture of Steve

406
00:19:30,095 --> 00:19:32,855
and his wife where they
talk about their experience

407
00:19:32,915 --> 00:19:33,975
and, um, his journey.

408
00:19:34,395 --> 00:19:38,135
And he basically goes to this
life where, you know, as a,

409
00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,375
as a youth, he came across, uh,

410
00:19:40,535 --> 00:19:43,055
pornography became obsessed with it.

411
00:19:43,195 --> 00:19:47,095
It became a habit. And
later on, you know, even got

412
00:19:47,095 --> 00:19:49,255
to a point where he, he white knuckled it

413
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:50,975
and served a, served a mission,

414
00:19:51,155 --> 00:19:52,815
but even there was still having some

415
00:19:52,815 --> 00:19:53,975
problems of, of relapse.

416
00:19:54,275 --> 00:19:56,095
Uh, finally came over
to his mission, married,

417
00:19:56,475 --> 00:20:00,255
and during this time, he
was creating two lifestyles.

418
00:20:00,795 --> 00:20:04,735
One of the perfect latter
day saint, uh, boy that, uh,

419
00:20:04,795 --> 00:20:06,495
is progressing through leadership

420
00:20:06,555 --> 00:20:08,135
and serving the Bishop Rick,

421
00:20:08,135 --> 00:20:10,215
and as an elders Corps
president, doing those things.

422
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:13,535
But behind the scenes, he was
living a life buried in shame

423
00:20:13,885 --> 00:20:15,575
with, uh, buried in shame

424
00:20:15,635 --> 00:20:19,895
and with a habit that was
completely unbecoming of,

425
00:20:19,915 --> 00:20:21,095
of a latter day saint, right?

426
00:20:21,235 --> 00:20:23,535
And so he talks about this
dichotomy that he had,

427
00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:27,255
the adversary has had
convinced him of his identity

428
00:20:27,405 --> 00:20:31,375
that he had, he could, uh, stand
behind a mask of, you know,

429
00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:35,415
the pure priesthood holder
identity and hide those wounds

430
00:20:35,415 --> 00:20:39,135
and scars that truly he was
feeding through his addiction.

431
00:20:39,435 --> 00:20:41,655
And so I encourage you to
check out Steve's story

432
00:20:41,655 --> 00:20:44,615
because I feel like it
truly shows this example of

433
00:20:44,635 --> 00:20:48,405
how Satan not just doesn't
tempt an individual saying you

434
00:20:48,405 --> 00:20:49,645
should go look at pornography,

435
00:20:49,905 --> 00:20:52,125
but he, he doesn't even have to do that

436
00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:53,445
because when he tempts

437
00:20:53,665 --> 00:20:56,205
and, uh, when he attacks their identity

438
00:20:56,225 --> 00:20:59,845
and convinces them of a
specific identity they take,

439
00:20:59,845 --> 00:21:02,245
they set their own snare
and it takes over and,

440
00:21:02,545 --> 00:21:03,885
and consumes that individual.

441
00:21:04,545 --> 00:21:09,445
So the adversary has the
goal of destroying the agency

442
00:21:09,465 --> 00:21:12,045
of man as it talks about in, in Moses.

443
00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:13,325
I'm gonna, I'll reference

444
00:21:13,325 --> 00:21:14,645
that scripture here, here in a minute.

445
00:21:14,825 --> 00:21:17,325
So that's the goal to
destroy the agency of man.

446
00:21:17,325 --> 00:21:18,565
It has been from the beginning

447
00:21:18,565 --> 00:21:22,045
of time when he put himself
forward in, in the Councils

448
00:21:22,045 --> 00:21:26,125
of Heaven as, uh, as Lucifer, his plan was

449
00:21:26,145 --> 00:21:28,125
to remove the agency of man.

450
00:21:28,465 --> 00:21:31,085
And the game plan is to alter identity.

451
00:21:31,585 --> 00:21:33,685
And the tool he does that is shame.

452
00:21:33,945 --> 00:21:36,765
And shame is, uh, we've heard
a lot about it in, uh, some

453
00:21:36,765 --> 00:21:38,645
of these sessions of the conference.

454
00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:41,485
But I wanna delve into it
from a, a doctrinal standpoint

455
00:21:41,665 --> 00:21:44,245
and talk about exactly what shame is

456
00:21:44,245 --> 00:21:48,605
and how sane uses shame as
a tool to alter identity.

457
00:21:49,025 --> 00:21:51,685
And if he can alter identity, he wins

458
00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:53,605
because he doesn't have to try anymore.

459
00:21:53,825 --> 00:21:56,045
The individual takes over
and sets their own snare.

460
00:21:56,105 --> 00:21:57,165
So let me give you an example,

461
00:21:57,355 --> 00:21:59,285
more innocent example maybe with eating.

462
00:21:59,605 --> 00:22:00,965
I love myself some good dessert,

463
00:22:01,265 --> 00:22:03,925
and I find myself going through
this process many times.

464
00:22:04,025 --> 00:22:06,565
So you, you may think, I'm
inspired to eat healthy

465
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,285
and maintain a clean diet.

466
00:22:08,945 --> 00:22:11,005
I'm not going to eat sugar
for at least a month.

467
00:22:11,605 --> 00:22:13,205
I shouldn't have eaten that piece of cake.

468
00:22:13,805 --> 00:22:15,925
I ate another piece. Why
do I keep messing up?

469
00:22:16,525 --> 00:22:18,485
I can't seem to get eat healthy.

470
00:22:19,035 --> 00:22:20,725
There's something wrong with me.

471
00:22:21,305 --> 00:22:25,125
See, this is, you see how the,
the identity, it went from a,

472
00:22:25,445 --> 00:22:26,725
a behavior to identity.

473
00:22:26,905 --> 00:22:28,725
The behavior was simply eating well.

474
00:22:28,945 --> 00:22:31,805
But by the time I went, will
go through this mental game,

475
00:22:32,145 --> 00:22:34,485
the adversary causes
contention in my mind.

476
00:22:34,985 --> 00:22:38,765
And by the end I'm asking, is
there something wrong with me?

477
00:22:39,225 --> 00:22:40,325
Why can't I do this?

478
00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:43,765
And this is a habit or a
process that many addicts

479
00:22:43,765 --> 00:22:46,165
or individuals struggling with
pornography will go through.

480
00:22:46,165 --> 00:22:48,725
They get to a point where
everything, they try,

481
00:22:48,775 --> 00:22:51,485
every behavior, good
behavior that they try to,

482
00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,885
to put in their life doesn't work.

483
00:22:54,025 --> 00:22:55,325
And so they begin to wonder,

484
00:22:55,825 --> 00:22:57,405
is there something wrong with me?

485
00:22:57,785 --> 00:23:00,285
And that's where the,
the, the shame sets in.

486
00:23:00,465 --> 00:23:02,165
Now, Brene Brown, if you're
not familiar with her,

487
00:23:02,165 --> 00:23:04,165
you get her books, read
'em, they're fantastic.

488
00:23:04,505 --> 00:23:07,965
So helpful around this. This,
uh, she's a shame researcher.

489
00:23:08,105 --> 00:23:09,925
She says this as a shame researcher.

490
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:12,605
I've learned that wherever
perfectionism is driving us,

491
00:23:12,975 --> 00:23:15,245
shame is riding shotgun, right?

492
00:23:15,305 --> 00:23:17,085
And I would even maybe adjust that

493
00:23:17,685 --> 00:23:22,045
whenever behaviors are driving
us, shame is riding shotgun.

494
00:23:22,465 --> 00:23:24,125
Now, in our culture, it's very easy

495
00:23:24,145 --> 00:23:26,165
to get into this behavior game, right?

496
00:23:26,165 --> 00:23:29,525
Because worthiness temple
recommends they're all, a lot

497
00:23:29,525 --> 00:23:32,005
of them are based a lot on behaviors.

498
00:23:32,665 --> 00:23:34,605
Are you keeping the law of chastity?

499
00:23:34,985 --> 00:23:37,125
Are you keeping the word of wisdom, right?

500
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:38,325
These are all behaviors.

501
00:23:38,705 --> 00:23:41,085
Now obviously, beliefs are,
are worked in there as well,

502
00:23:41,185 --> 00:23:43,125
but it's easy in our culture

503
00:23:43,785 --> 00:23:45,805
to think behaviors is what matters.

504
00:23:46,265 --> 00:23:49,045
If I get the behaviors right,
then my heart will change.

505
00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:52,725
That's dangerous. Thinking
again to, we must think

506
00:23:52,725 --> 00:23:55,645
that if I get my heart
right, behaviors will,

507
00:23:55,705 --> 00:23:57,005
the good behaviors will follow.

508
00:23:57,005 --> 00:24:00,925
Because if we focus on behaviors,
shame is always, always,

509
00:24:00,925 --> 00:24:03,925
always riding shotgun,
constantly reminding us, oh,

510
00:24:03,925 --> 00:24:05,685
you're not doing a good enough.

511
00:24:05,905 --> 00:24:07,685
Oh, you thought you, you
were supposed to be perfect

512
00:24:07,865 --> 00:24:09,085
and you're still not right?

513
00:24:09,345 --> 00:24:11,005
And that causes contention

514
00:24:11,025 --> 00:24:12,725
and then messes with our identity.

515
00:24:13,245 --> 00:24:17,085
I love the phrase that, uh,
Sam Teman said in his session.

516
00:24:17,355 --> 00:24:19,165
What does that say about you as a person?

517
00:24:19,515 --> 00:24:21,365
This is a good exercise.

518
00:24:21,365 --> 00:24:23,045
Whether with yourself or with others.

519
00:24:23,145 --> 00:24:24,845
If you're mentoring
somebody who's struggling

520
00:24:24,845 --> 00:24:27,245
with pornography and they come to you

521
00:24:27,245 --> 00:24:30,605
and say, ah, another relapse
man, another relapse.

522
00:24:30,845 --> 00:24:32,085
I thought I was on a good, you know,

523
00:24:32,085 --> 00:24:33,405
I was going three weeks strong

524
00:24:33,405 --> 00:24:34,605
and then I had another relapse.

525
00:24:35,025 --> 00:24:37,085
You ask them the simple
question, what does

526
00:24:37,085 --> 00:24:38,485
that say about you as a person?

527
00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:42,445
And you can identify
shame right away, right?

528
00:24:42,445 --> 00:24:45,485
This is the test. If they say
something like, I don't know,

529
00:24:45,725 --> 00:24:47,205
I guess I just don't have what it takes.

530
00:24:47,625 --> 00:24:49,445
Or if it is an I am statement

531
00:24:49,445 --> 00:24:52,365
or something that's defining
their identity, you know,

532
00:24:52,835 --> 00:24:55,405
that the adversaries causing
contention in their mind

533
00:24:55,425 --> 00:24:58,125
and linking it to their
identity as a person.

534
00:24:58,425 --> 00:25:00,525
And so, you know, you've
gotta get 'em out of

535
00:25:00,525 --> 00:25:01,645
that, outta that mode.

536
00:25:01,645 --> 00:25:03,805
And I'll, we'll talk about
how that that's done.

537
00:25:04,105 --> 00:25:06,205
So of course, we know
that the, uh, the work

538
00:25:06,205 --> 00:25:09,685
and glory of God is to bring,
to pass the immortality

539
00:25:09,745 --> 00:25:12,205
and eternal life of man Moses 1 39.

540
00:25:12,205 --> 00:25:13,525
Right? Have you ever wondered like,

541
00:25:13,595 --> 00:25:16,765
what is the adversary's work and glory?

542
00:25:17,105 --> 00:25:19,605
Now sure, there could be
some discussion about what

543
00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:21,765
that really is, but I would contest

544
00:25:22,075 --> 00:25:25,445
that his work in glory
is to destroy the agency

545
00:25:25,545 --> 00:25:26,605
of man, right?

546
00:25:26,745 --> 00:25:28,605
We, we talked about this
in the Councils of Heaven.

547
00:25:28,635 --> 00:25:30,805
That was his game plan, numero uno.

548
00:25:30,985 --> 00:25:33,925
And I believe it truly
is still his game plan.

549
00:25:34,485 --> 00:25:37,685
'cause think of it, if his, or
that's his goal anyways, and,

550
00:25:37,825 --> 00:25:39,565
and he's doing that through the game plan

551
00:25:39,625 --> 00:25:41,085
of altering identity.

552
00:25:41,345 --> 00:25:45,125
If we can get all of us to
alter identity, he's gonna win.

553
00:25:45,605 --> 00:25:47,205
'cause here's the cycle. Shame.

554
00:25:47,625 --> 00:25:49,485
He causes shame, which alters identity.

555
00:25:49,865 --> 00:25:52,405
And that, that causes you to lack agency.

556
00:25:53,075 --> 00:25:57,325
When you are in an addictive
state, do you have much agency?

557
00:25:57,385 --> 00:25:58,885
It sure doesn't feel like you do.

558
00:25:59,025 --> 00:26:00,645
Of course every everybody's got a choice.

559
00:26:00,745 --> 00:26:03,245
But in your mind, how
you're identifying it

560
00:26:03,545 --> 00:26:06,005
so much feels like you
don't have a choice,

561
00:26:06,515 --> 00:26:08,485
therefore, your agency is gone.

562
00:26:08,625 --> 00:26:12,245
And so this is the shame
game is how he gets us to

563
00:26:12,885 --> 00:26:14,485
removing our agency.

564
00:26:14,585 --> 00:26:16,165
Now, that doesn't hear me clear.

565
00:26:16,235 --> 00:26:17,965
That doesn't mean that,
you know, you're not, uh,

566
00:26:18,115 --> 00:26:20,565
accountable for, for
these sins or mistakes.

567
00:26:20,625 --> 00:26:22,925
But again, we lay our own snare.

568
00:26:23,225 --> 00:26:25,125
He doesn't have to tempt
us to lay our own snare.

569
00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:27,805
Or if he gets us with shame,
which alters identity,

570
00:26:28,055 --> 00:26:31,765
which leads to lack of
agency, which leads to shame,

571
00:26:31,935 --> 00:26:34,525
which leads to alter
identity, which leads to lack

572
00:26:34,545 --> 00:26:36,845
of agency over and over and over.

573
00:26:36,995 --> 00:26:40,445
That is the trap that
he gets us in, right?

574
00:26:40,745 --> 00:26:43,245
And we'll talk about how, how
to help people out of that.

575
00:26:43,345 --> 00:26:44,845
But I wanna talk about this phrase.

576
00:26:45,205 --> 00:26:47,445
I am, I am an addict, right?

577
00:26:47,615 --> 00:26:51,205
Using the, the two powerful
words. I am, I am an addict.

578
00:26:51,465 --> 00:26:52,965
Now, this has had much discussion.

579
00:26:53,165 --> 00:26:55,365
I was actually going to, uh, call the,

580
00:26:55,425 --> 00:26:57,765
the Si summit Porn Addicted Saints.

581
00:26:58,185 --> 00:27:00,925
And I put that out there
into the internets,

582
00:27:01,105 --> 00:27:04,125
and the feedback I got
was all over the map.

583
00:27:04,395 --> 00:27:05,725
Some people really like that.

584
00:27:05,955 --> 00:27:07,485
Like yeah, we need to call it

585
00:27:07,485 --> 00:27:08,805
what it is, which is an addiction.

586
00:27:09,025 --> 00:27:11,125
And other people hated it, right?

587
00:27:11,345 --> 00:27:14,245
As if we, the, the word
addict is giving permission

588
00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:16,205
to people to actually act out.

589
00:27:16,315 --> 00:27:18,325
Okay? So I went back to the trying board,

590
00:27:18,325 --> 00:27:19,605
and that's how we came with Liberating

591
00:27:19,605 --> 00:27:21,045
Saints, which I'm glad we did.

592
00:27:21,045 --> 00:27:22,805
It's a, I think a more more fitting name.

593
00:27:23,065 --> 00:27:26,485
But I think it's important
for, for, uh, leaders,

594
00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:29,285
for individuals who are
mentoring, mentoring those,

595
00:27:29,285 --> 00:27:31,765
overcoming a struggle
with, with pornography,

596
00:27:32,425 --> 00:27:34,285
how this phrase looks to different people,

597
00:27:34,395 --> 00:27:36,965
because it's not all
bad, it's not all good.

598
00:27:37,385 --> 00:27:40,165
And I heard a podcast,
uh, with Brene Brown, the,

599
00:27:40,265 --> 00:27:42,805
the shame researcher
again on, uh, a podcast

600
00:27:42,955 --> 00:27:45,045
with Whitney Johnson, who's
actually a former guest

601
00:27:45,045 --> 00:27:46,205
on the Leading Saints podcast.

602
00:27:46,705 --> 00:27:49,805
And she said this phrase that
jumped out of the podcast

603
00:27:50,025 --> 00:27:51,445
and hit me right in
the center of my brain.

604
00:27:51,545 --> 00:27:52,805
And I had to write it down

605
00:27:52,915 --> 00:27:55,885
because it exactly, um, what we need

606
00:27:55,885 --> 00:27:59,005
to keep in mind when using
this phrase, I am an addict,

607
00:27:59,505 --> 00:28:01,805
she said, no one wants to be defined

608
00:28:01,985 --> 00:28:03,125
by their hardest struggle.

609
00:28:03,465 --> 00:28:06,285
And so we have to find this
really interesting space

610
00:28:06,555 --> 00:28:09,285
between owning it and I identifying it,

611
00:28:09,425 --> 00:28:12,645
but rejecting being labeled
by it and reduced by it.

612
00:28:13,075 --> 00:28:16,845
Okay? So we, I would say
that is, it is dangerous

613
00:28:16,845 --> 00:28:18,685
to be all in, on either camp to say,

614
00:28:19,105 --> 00:28:21,205
say calling yourself an
addict is really bad,

615
00:28:21,345 --> 00:28:23,525
or calling yourself an
addict is really good.

616
00:28:23,875 --> 00:28:26,565
What we need to ask is
me using that phrase

617
00:28:26,665 --> 00:28:29,205
or the individual I'm working
with, using that phrase,

618
00:28:29,785 --> 00:28:31,005
is it reducing them

619
00:28:31,305 --> 00:28:33,805
as an individual, reducing their identity?

620
00:28:34,425 --> 00:28:36,885
Or is it expanding their identity

621
00:28:37,225 --> 00:28:39,805
and helping them move closer to Christ

622
00:28:40,225 --> 00:28:41,725
to his identity, right?

623
00:28:42,105 --> 00:28:46,285
So, so well let, let me
give you some examples

624
00:28:46,285 --> 00:28:48,645
of when it may be expanding your identity

625
00:28:48,945 --> 00:28:51,765
and whether it's, uh, re
reducing your identity.

626
00:28:52,135 --> 00:28:54,885
First one, I'm helpless
without the saving grace

627
00:28:54,885 --> 00:28:56,445
of Jesus Christ, right?

628
00:28:56,625 --> 00:28:59,565
So I am a lot of addicts
who say, I am an addict.

629
00:29:00,075 --> 00:29:02,205
They are in a state of
mind, I'm an addict.

630
00:29:02,315 --> 00:29:05,125
Therefore, I need the
grace of Jesus Christ.

631
00:29:05,145 --> 00:29:07,525
That's a very healthy
state to be in, right?

632
00:29:07,665 --> 00:29:10,405
To label yourself that you are broken, not

633
00:29:10,405 --> 00:29:13,005
because you are broken and
helpless, you're broken.

634
00:29:13,065 --> 00:29:15,245
And therefore need the
atonement that is a healthy,

635
00:29:15,645 --> 00:29:17,565
progressive place to
be in a reducing place.

636
00:29:17,745 --> 00:29:19,685
I'm broken and beyond saving, right?

637
00:29:19,715 --> 00:29:21,045
They're buried in shame.

638
00:29:21,345 --> 00:29:24,445
And they may use this as,
I'm an addict, I identify

639
00:29:24,445 --> 00:29:29,005
with this, therefore, I am
beyond saving and broken.

640
00:29:29,375 --> 00:29:32,325
Right? That is a reducing state of mind.

641
00:29:32,475 --> 00:29:34,605
Another one, e expanding state of mind.

642
00:29:34,605 --> 00:29:37,005
There is hope because Christ
has overcome all things.

643
00:29:37,465 --> 00:29:39,165
I'm an addict and there's hope

644
00:29:39,195 --> 00:29:41,245
because Christ is overcoming all things.

645
00:29:41,825 --> 00:29:45,085
Or I'm just hopeless. I'm an
addict, therefore I'm hopeless.

646
00:29:45,085 --> 00:29:47,965
Right? That is not a good
place to be. I'm an addict.

647
00:29:48,025 --> 00:29:50,725
And it might take some time to
overcome, but I'll get there.

648
00:29:51,125 --> 00:29:52,885
I do You feel the hope in that statement

649
00:29:52,915 --> 00:29:55,485
that they're not identifying,
they're not altering their,

650
00:29:55,485 --> 00:29:57,965
their identity, but that
is encouraging them,

651
00:29:57,965 --> 00:30:00,725
establishing hope to reach
out where I'm an addict

652
00:30:00,825 --> 00:30:03,325
and I can't, I can't
help but act this way.

653
00:30:03,665 --> 00:30:06,245
If it's a label that's
giving them an excuse that's,

654
00:30:06,245 --> 00:30:08,285
that's damaging, that's
not going to be helpful.

655
00:30:08,635 --> 00:30:10,125
What about I have a disease

656
00:30:10,125 --> 00:30:11,605
and I must never assume I'm healed.

657
00:30:12,005 --> 00:30:14,405
I remember being in a, uh,
state conference years ago

658
00:30:14,625 --> 00:30:17,085
and the, the state president
was speaking and they,

659
00:30:17,305 --> 00:30:21,805
and he said, you should
never identify as an addict.

660
00:30:21,985 --> 00:30:23,365
You're not an addict. Right?

661
00:30:23,505 --> 00:30:25,725
And I, I, I appreciate what he was saying

662
00:30:25,905 --> 00:30:27,525
and this the way he was saying it.

663
00:30:27,685 --> 00:30:29,085
'cause he was, he wanted us

664
00:30:29,105 --> 00:30:31,325
to identify in an expanding fashion.

665
00:30:31,505 --> 00:30:34,245
But I would say sometimes
it is extremely helpful

666
00:30:34,465 --> 00:30:37,045
for an individual to
identify as an addict.

667
00:30:37,465 --> 00:30:40,925
Now, as we learn from Tim
Hollingshead, we, you know,

668
00:30:40,925 --> 00:30:42,245
it's not our job as leaders

669
00:30:42,305 --> 00:30:45,525
or loved ones to apply this
label to other individuals,

670
00:30:45,715 --> 00:30:48,885
however, that individual
may apply it to themselves

671
00:30:49,025 --> 00:30:53,165
or a, you know, it can be a
form of a, a diagnosis, right?

672
00:30:53,305 --> 00:30:57,285
So maybe a professional who
has the, uh, the right to apply

673
00:30:57,285 --> 00:30:58,965
that is a good way to do it.

674
00:30:59,025 --> 00:31:02,165
So from a third party
leadership standpoint,

675
00:31:02,725 --> 00:31:04,725
I would never apply that label to somebody

676
00:31:04,725 --> 00:31:06,605
or tell them, you are an addict, right?

677
00:31:06,605 --> 00:31:08,445
Even in my mind, I know I'm thinking,

678
00:31:08,515 --> 00:31:09,605
yeah, there's a lot of science here.

679
00:31:09,605 --> 00:31:11,525
This person's probably an
addict. I would not apply

680
00:31:11,525 --> 00:31:12,605
that like label.

681
00:31:12,905 --> 00:31:14,405
But if they apply it

682
00:31:14,405 --> 00:31:15,805
and they're doing it in an expanding

683
00:31:15,805 --> 00:31:16,845
way, I think that's very helpful.

684
00:31:17,135 --> 00:31:20,165
Other than the, the reducing
manner of I have a disease

685
00:31:20,165 --> 00:31:21,365
and I can't be healed, right?

686
00:31:21,365 --> 00:31:22,725
If they're in that state, you know

687
00:31:22,725 --> 00:31:24,245
that they're buried in shame.

688
00:31:24,245 --> 00:31:26,645
They're in that trap where
they're setting their own snare,

689
00:31:26,645 --> 00:31:27,685
they're setting their own trap

690
00:31:27,865 --> 00:31:30,165
and they can't get out of
it a shame cycle, right?

691
00:31:30,545 --> 00:31:34,445
So just know that these two
terms can be, can be very,

692
00:31:34,995 --> 00:31:37,565
this term can be identified in two ways.

693
00:31:37,585 --> 00:31:39,605
It can be a very expanding thing.

694
00:31:39,605 --> 00:31:41,365
It can be very reducing thing as far

695
00:31:41,365 --> 00:31:43,005
as the identity is concerned.

696
00:31:43,005 --> 00:31:44,005
Hopefully that makes sense.

697
00:31:44,055 --> 00:31:46,725
Lemme give you an example
of some ways we kind

698
00:31:46,725 --> 00:31:50,885
of fall into this trap as, as
mentors, uh, whether a leader

699
00:31:50,985 --> 00:31:52,525
or a family member.

700
00:31:52,705 --> 00:31:53,805
So let's take Tom and Tim.

701
00:31:53,805 --> 00:31:56,045
These are two individuals
that are struggling

702
00:31:56,045 --> 00:31:57,165
with pornography, okay?

703
00:31:57,265 --> 00:31:59,165
And typically what happens,
let me start with Tom,

704
00:31:59,185 --> 00:32:01,885
is Tom comes into the bishop's
office, and what do you do?

705
00:32:01,885 --> 00:32:04,525
You start with behaviors and
accountability, right? Huh?

706
00:32:04,525 --> 00:32:06,525
Well, how many times does this
happen? When does it happen?

707
00:32:06,525 --> 00:32:08,525
Where does it happen? Uh, where you know,

708
00:32:08,525 --> 00:32:10,125
is it on your smartphone,
on your computer?

709
00:32:10,385 --> 00:32:12,925
All right? We're all talking
about behavior, right?

710
00:32:12,925 --> 00:32:16,405
And so we jump into, let's
stop the behavior, okay?

711
00:32:16,405 --> 00:32:19,045
We're gonna get some, you know,
internet filtering software.

712
00:32:19,055 --> 00:32:20,885
We're gonna have you call me every night.

713
00:32:20,985 --> 00:32:22,725
And, and of course we're gonna encourage

714
00:32:22,725 --> 00:32:23,965
the positive behavior, right?

715
00:32:24,395 --> 00:32:27,045
This makes sense. This is the
type of bishop I was, right?

716
00:32:27,445 --> 00:32:29,045
I was focused on behavior,

717
00:32:29,705 --> 00:32:31,725
and this is sort of what, what followed.

718
00:32:31,945 --> 00:32:34,085
And the person themselves
is thinking, you know what?

719
00:32:34,145 --> 00:32:37,365
I'm, yeah, the bishops
encouraged me. I can change this.

720
00:32:37,885 --> 00:32:39,285
I must change this, right?

721
00:32:39,345 --> 00:32:40,445
So it becomes a,

722
00:32:40,555 --> 00:32:43,205
they put the onus on
themselves to change it.

723
00:32:43,205 --> 00:32:44,245
There's no surrender,

724
00:32:44,395 --> 00:32:46,485
there's no turning towards Christ per se,

725
00:32:46,485 --> 00:32:47,845
even though maybe they say that,

726
00:32:48,145 --> 00:32:51,205
but it's all an, I must change
this through my behaviors.

727
00:32:51,345 --> 00:32:53,245
And what happens is a
setback or a relapse,

728
00:32:53,665 --> 00:32:55,805
and then they think, ah, man,

729
00:32:56,045 --> 00:32:57,885
I must control my behaviors more.

730
00:32:58,305 --> 00:32:59,445
And so they do a double time.

731
00:32:59,445 --> 00:33:00,845
Bishop, I'm not gonna call you every day.

732
00:33:00,865 --> 00:33:02,605
I'm gonna call you three times a day

733
00:33:02,785 --> 00:33:04,485
and I'm gonna crank up my internet

734
00:33:04,485 --> 00:33:05,565
filtering software, right?

735
00:33:05,925 --> 00:33:07,765
'cause we're only
focused on the behaviors.

736
00:33:08,175 --> 00:33:09,445
We're not focused on the heart.

737
00:33:09,625 --> 00:33:12,045
And then they feel like
this, this is not working.

738
00:33:12,355 --> 00:33:14,485
They, I feel broken,
right? That's the shame.

739
00:33:14,865 --> 00:33:17,805
And then they may enter
sobriety or they may give up.

740
00:33:18,065 --> 00:33:21,205
So you see how this is, they,
they feel broken in this sort

741
00:33:21,205 --> 00:33:22,685
of, this good intention approach

742
00:33:22,685 --> 00:33:26,085
of focusing on behaviors can
actually stimulate more shame

743
00:33:26,155 --> 00:33:28,485
because it's all, the
focus is on behaviors.

744
00:33:28,485 --> 00:33:30,045
Not about them changing. We're trying

745
00:33:30,045 --> 00:33:31,485
to change them through the behaviors.

746
00:33:31,705 --> 00:33:34,845
And it, and it doesn't
work. And this is how I,

747
00:33:35,165 --> 00:33:37,365
I approached it as a naive bishop myself,

748
00:33:37,425 --> 00:33:40,005
is I was telling those I
was working with, okay,

749
00:33:40,005 --> 00:33:41,405
you call me every night, all right?

750
00:33:41,405 --> 00:33:42,525
Or you text me, right?

751
00:33:42,525 --> 00:33:44,085
You leave a message on my voicemail,

752
00:33:44,265 --> 00:33:45,925
you tell me if you relapse or whatever.

753
00:33:46,065 --> 00:33:48,045
And all that did was stimulate shame.

754
00:33:48,075 --> 00:33:50,765
Because what happened is
they would relapse from time

755
00:33:50,825 --> 00:33:52,605
to time, and they wouldn't call me

756
00:33:53,285 --> 00:33:55,125
'cause they were so buried in shame.

757
00:33:55,185 --> 00:33:56,325
Of course, they don't want to call me

758
00:33:56,325 --> 00:33:57,605
and tell me that they're broken, that

759
00:33:57,605 --> 00:33:58,725
they relapsed again, right?

760
00:33:58,985 --> 00:34:01,765
So let me give you a better
way to maybe help people pull,

761
00:34:01,915 --> 00:34:05,765
pull people out of this, this
process, this, this, uh, trap

762
00:34:05,765 --> 00:34:06,845
of the shame cycle.

763
00:34:07,065 --> 00:34:08,805
So let's talk about Tim. When Tim goes in

764
00:34:08,805 --> 00:34:11,365
to sees his bishop, he just,
he's met with, uh, the bishop,

765
00:34:11,485 --> 00:34:13,605
starts with love, grace,
hope, and patience.

766
00:34:13,905 --> 00:34:15,925
Hey, Tim, we love you. Yeah, this is hard.

767
00:34:16,185 --> 00:34:18,245
But you know what? There's,
there's a lot of hope here.

768
00:34:18,275 --> 00:34:20,285
I've seen a lot of
individuals overcome this.

769
00:34:20,465 --> 00:34:22,325
You know, the savior's
right here with you.

770
00:34:22,755 --> 00:34:24,445
He's not frustrated with you

771
00:34:24,545 --> 00:34:26,405
or disappointing you, which
we'll talk about in a minute.

772
00:34:26,545 --> 00:34:28,045
He, you know, there's, there's hope here.

773
00:34:28,075 --> 00:34:30,125
I've seen so many people overcome it.

774
00:34:30,125 --> 00:34:31,685
You know, here's some resources, right?

775
00:34:31,825 --> 00:34:34,165
And then, you know, this
is part of the plan, Tim,

776
00:34:34,375 --> 00:34:35,965
repentance, that's part of the plan.

777
00:34:35,965 --> 00:34:37,525
Isn't it beautiful that God put a plan

778
00:34:37,525 --> 00:34:38,645
in place that you can do this, right?

779
00:34:38,825 --> 00:34:41,165
You see how we're not even
getting close to behaviors

780
00:34:41,225 --> 00:34:43,045
or things you should do to do that,

781
00:34:43,345 --> 00:34:46,325
or things you should do to,
to overcome, overcome this.

782
00:34:46,325 --> 00:34:48,765
We're just in a state of
hope, giving hope and grace

783
00:34:48,985 --> 00:34:50,445
and reassurance, patience,

784
00:34:50,445 --> 00:34:52,645
however long this takes,
Tim, we're gonna be here.

785
00:34:52,665 --> 00:34:53,725
You're not discouraging me.

786
00:34:53,725 --> 00:34:56,085
I've seen people far worse
than you overcome this, right?

787
00:34:56,385 --> 00:34:58,685
Uh, and then that puts
them into a state of,

788
00:34:58,955 --> 00:35:00,085
okay, there's some hope here.

789
00:35:00,225 --> 00:35:02,445
And God is the only
one that can change me.

790
00:35:02,445 --> 00:35:04,045
It's not about me changing myself,

791
00:35:04,265 --> 00:35:06,845
but God is the only
one that can change me.

792
00:35:06,985 --> 00:35:08,685
And guess what is so helpful

793
00:35:08,985 --> 00:35:11,365
to tell the individual there is going

794
00:35:11,365 --> 00:35:12,925
to be setbacks and relapse.

795
00:35:13,145 --> 00:35:15,285
And you know what? That's
okay. We'll figure it out.

796
00:35:15,355 --> 00:35:17,845
Obviously, again, people mis mishear this.

797
00:35:17,845 --> 00:35:20,165
Think the bishop is not
giving permission for them

798
00:35:20,165 --> 00:35:22,085
to relapse, but they say, you know what,

799
00:35:22,395 --> 00:35:26,125
most nine times outta 10 or
more <laugh> people relapse.

800
00:35:26,385 --> 00:35:27,805
That's okay. That's what, what,

801
00:35:27,835 --> 00:35:29,085
what this office is here for.

802
00:35:29,185 --> 00:35:30,405
And that's why we have a plan

803
00:35:30,405 --> 00:35:32,165
of repentance to get through this, right?

804
00:35:32,305 --> 00:35:33,965
So it puts 'em in a
state of a lot of hope.

805
00:35:34,145 --> 00:35:37,045
And then they want to
surrender themselves more

806
00:35:37,225 --> 00:35:39,165
to the savior and say, I am helpless.

807
00:35:39,165 --> 00:35:40,685
Right? You go to his 12 step meeting,

808
00:35:40,825 --> 00:35:43,685
and this is a huge part of
that, surrendering yourself

809
00:35:43,685 --> 00:35:46,045
to God, I cannot change myself.

810
00:35:46,465 --> 00:35:47,605
God must change me.

811
00:35:48,005 --> 00:35:50,005
I cannot change myself
through my behaviors.

812
00:35:50,305 --> 00:35:52,125
God must change me through my heart,

813
00:35:52,295 --> 00:35:54,205
which will then lead to good behavior.

814
00:35:54,465 --> 00:35:56,725
And then these individuals are more open

815
00:35:56,725 --> 00:35:57,885
to seeking connection.

816
00:35:57,945 --> 00:36:00,645
And you go to listen to Steve
Shield's, uh, interview again,

817
00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:04,525
uh, that was part of this
connection is so vital.

818
00:36:04,775 --> 00:36:09,045
Connection is so vital, and
they'll enter recovery. Okay?

819
00:36:09,045 --> 00:36:11,885
So just look at these two
contrasting experiences.

820
00:36:12,255 --> 00:36:15,845
Oftentimes the tom situation
happens when an individual

821
00:36:15,935 --> 00:36:17,325
maybe goes to the bishop's office,

822
00:36:17,325 --> 00:36:19,445
or an individual goes
to their parent, right?

823
00:36:19,445 --> 00:36:20,565
They're just like, okay, well

824
00:36:20,565 --> 00:36:21,685
we're, we're gonna get this buddy.

825
00:36:21,695 --> 00:36:23,445
We're gonna monitor your behaviors

826
00:36:23,445 --> 00:36:24,965
to the t I'm gonna become the police

827
00:36:24,965 --> 00:36:26,405
officer and we're gonna get this.

828
00:36:26,625 --> 00:36:27,765
And then even near the bottom,

829
00:36:28,025 --> 00:36:29,485
and I think we'll talk
about this in a minute,

830
00:36:29,485 --> 00:36:31,845
where they may enter sobriety, right?

831
00:36:31,845 --> 00:36:34,885
The bishop says, okay,
just go get to seven days.

832
00:36:34,905 --> 00:36:37,965
If you can go seven days
without, uh, viewing porn or,

833
00:36:37,965 --> 00:36:40,405
or masturbating, like you can
take the sacrament, right?

834
00:36:40,405 --> 00:36:42,165
So it becomes all about that behavior

835
00:36:42,465 --> 00:36:45,165
and that shame game just
completely takes over

836
00:36:45,255 --> 00:36:46,925
where the other individual
is saying, you know what?

837
00:36:47,155 --> 00:36:48,805
I'll, as long as it takes Tim, there's,

838
00:36:48,805 --> 00:36:50,325
there's hope here, there's grace.

839
00:36:50,985 --> 00:36:52,805
I'm gonna be here for
you. You're doing fine.

840
00:36:52,905 --> 00:36:55,205
Oh, you relapsed two times.
Like, Hey man, that's okay.

841
00:36:55,305 --> 00:36:56,485
That's okay. You're getting it.

842
00:36:56,485 --> 00:36:57,805
You're trying, you're
getting there, right?

843
00:36:58,025 --> 00:37:00,685
And it leads to a state of mind
where you're gonna surrender

844
00:37:01,025 --> 00:37:03,325
and, uh, hand yourself
over over to God's grace.

845
00:37:03,665 --> 00:37:07,085
So you see the difference between
good behaviors, the danger

846
00:37:07,085 --> 00:37:09,045
of focusing on good behaviors,

847
00:37:09,045 --> 00:37:10,485
hopefully will change their hearts,

848
00:37:10,485 --> 00:37:11,965
but instead change their heart,

849
00:37:12,055 --> 00:37:13,485
which leads to good behaviors.

850
00:37:13,485 --> 00:37:15,245
And let me dive into
this a little bit further

851
00:37:15,505 --> 00:37:16,685
as far as what this looks like.

852
00:37:17,125 --> 00:37:18,805
Changing behaviors versus changing heart.

853
00:37:19,115 --> 00:37:22,325
When you are changing behaviors,
which isn't gonna work most

854
00:37:22,325 --> 00:37:24,565
of the time as far as long-term relapse,

855
00:37:24,905 --> 00:37:26,205
you lead with accountability.

856
00:37:26,465 --> 00:37:28,645
Now, again, hear me clearly here.

857
00:37:28,645 --> 00:37:31,845
Accountability is crucial in the process

858
00:37:32,025 --> 00:37:36,205
of overcoming a habit or a
compulsion or an addiction.

859
00:37:36,205 --> 00:37:37,565
Accountability is crucial,

860
00:37:37,625 --> 00:37:39,685
but we can't lead with accountability.

861
00:37:39,715 --> 00:37:41,165
When we lead with accountability,

862
00:37:41,545 --> 00:37:43,885
it just becomes a policing relationship.

863
00:37:44,025 --> 00:37:46,125
All right? You come to me
how many times this week?

864
00:37:46,275 --> 00:37:49,485
Okay, well, don't do it. Let's
don't do it anymore. Okay?

865
00:37:49,485 --> 00:37:50,885
Well, how many times this week? Right?

866
00:37:51,025 --> 00:37:54,045
That's a policing relationship,
which isn't going to be full

867
00:37:54,045 --> 00:37:55,485
of hope and it's not going there.

868
00:37:55,555 --> 00:37:57,165
There's so much shame
in that they don't want,

869
00:37:57,165 --> 00:37:59,045
they don't want to come
back to the bishop's office

870
00:37:59,065 --> 00:38:00,365
or talk to their parents again,

871
00:38:00,395 --> 00:38:02,685
when it's all about accountability, right?

872
00:38:02,835 --> 00:38:05,405
It's important part, but it's
not what we should lead with.

873
00:38:05,405 --> 00:38:07,165
Oftentimes when we're changing behaviors,

874
00:38:07,165 --> 00:38:08,485
we just tell them to, to pray more.

875
00:38:08,635 --> 00:38:10,285
Read your scriptures. The more right?

876
00:38:10,785 --> 00:38:12,925
If you do that, that's gonna
help you overcome this, right?

877
00:38:12,935 --> 00:38:14,845
Again, we're focusing on behaviors.

878
00:38:14,855 --> 00:38:16,005
We're trying to change their heart

879
00:38:16,005 --> 00:38:17,765
with good behaviors,
and it's not gonna work.

880
00:38:17,765 --> 00:38:18,885
We've gotta change their heart first

881
00:38:18,985 --> 00:38:20,085
and then the behaviors will change.

882
00:38:20,235 --> 00:38:22,205
Influence behaviors through restrictions,

883
00:38:22,685 --> 00:38:23,725
spiritual time outs, right?

884
00:38:24,265 --> 00:38:27,325
So this is a tough one, and
again, you can disagree with me

885
00:38:27,325 --> 00:38:28,565
or take this any way, way you want,

886
00:38:28,625 --> 00:38:31,845
but it's very, I found
myself as a bishop oftentimes

887
00:38:32,415 --> 00:38:36,325
using restrictions to motivate
them to change, right?

888
00:38:36,785 --> 00:38:39,805
I'm using restrictions
like no temple recommend,

889
00:38:39,805 --> 00:38:41,325
or restrictions of the sacrament

890
00:38:41,385 --> 00:38:45,605
and all those things which are
important and have a place.

891
00:38:46,025 --> 00:38:49,165
But in my opinion, restrictions
like that are not meant

892
00:38:49,185 --> 00:38:52,125
to be used as a stick to beat them with so

893
00:38:52,125 --> 00:38:53,205
that they'll change, right?

894
00:38:53,475 --> 00:38:55,125
Well, you can't take the sacrament

895
00:38:55,125 --> 00:38:56,165
until you get this, right?

896
00:38:56,175 --> 00:38:58,005
Right? You can't have
your temple recommend

897
00:38:58,005 --> 00:38:59,085
back until you get this right.

898
00:38:59,105 --> 00:39:01,405
And your brother's wedding
is coming up, right?

899
00:39:01,585 --> 00:39:04,165
You see how that's a very
shameful place to be in,

900
00:39:04,225 --> 00:39:07,165
and they're, they're just
buried in, in the, the shame

901
00:39:07,165 --> 00:39:08,485
of those behaviors, okay?

902
00:39:08,785 --> 00:39:10,405
Ask them not to share behaviors.

903
00:39:10,755 --> 00:39:14,205
This is a, this is, uh,
reducing connection at times.

904
00:39:14,375 --> 00:39:16,965
Again, you don't need to tell
them to go share behaviors,

905
00:39:16,965 --> 00:39:19,525
but don't create a situation
where they feel like, oh,

906
00:39:19,545 --> 00:39:21,005
we need to, we need to keep this

907
00:39:21,005 --> 00:39:22,205
in the bishop's office, right?

908
00:39:22,205 --> 00:39:24,325
This is between me and
you, we'll work this out.

909
00:39:24,495 --> 00:39:25,845
Let's not tell anybody, and we do

910
00:39:25,845 --> 00:39:26,925
this with good intention, right?

911
00:39:27,265 --> 00:39:29,765
But we need to say, who
can you share this with?

912
00:39:29,985 --> 00:39:32,325
Who are your friends? What
connection can we create?

913
00:39:32,385 --> 00:39:33,845
Do you mind if I tell the elders corps

914
00:39:33,845 --> 00:39:35,165
president and he can help you?

915
00:39:35,225 --> 00:39:36,685
We have a whole, we have two

916
00:39:36,685 --> 00:39:38,605
or three individuals who've
gone through the same thing.

917
00:39:38,745 --> 00:39:40,725
Can we loop them in on
this and get their help?

918
00:39:40,795 --> 00:39:43,045
That connection's gonna come.
It's gonna be be helpful.

919
00:39:43,465 --> 00:39:44,885
And then the infamous, you know,

920
00:39:44,885 --> 00:39:45,965
if you can make it seven days

921
00:39:46,025 --> 00:39:47,365
or if you can make it three months,

922
00:39:47,395 --> 00:39:48,885
then we'll get you on your mission, right?

923
00:39:49,265 --> 00:39:52,005
We get them in a state of
sobriety, not recovery,

924
00:39:52,345 --> 00:39:54,405
and then they relapse
even on their mission.

925
00:39:54,465 --> 00:39:56,845
And this, there's so, I
mean, everybody listening

926
00:39:56,845 --> 00:39:58,165
to this probably has heard of an instance

927
00:39:58,165 --> 00:39:59,605
where an individual came home early

928
00:39:59,605 --> 00:40:02,445
because they white knuckled
it for three months in order

929
00:40:02,465 --> 00:40:04,045
to sign off on their mission papers.

930
00:40:04,075 --> 00:40:05,725
They got their call, they went out there,

931
00:40:06,025 --> 00:40:07,405
but they weren't in recovery.

932
00:40:07,875 --> 00:40:09,085
They were in sobriety.

933
00:40:09,425 --> 00:40:11,525
And it was, and the, the stresses, I mean,

934
00:40:11,525 --> 00:40:13,445
you wanna talk about stresses of, of life.

935
00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:16,085
Go on a mission <laugh> and
try that for a, a few months.

936
00:40:16,225 --> 00:40:19,365
Of course, they may
relapse on their mission

937
00:40:19,365 --> 00:40:21,605
because if they're just,
they're white knuckling it.

938
00:40:21,825 --> 00:40:24,965
So we wanna shift from
changing behaviors to

939
00:40:25,485 --> 00:40:26,885
changing hearts first.

940
00:40:27,165 --> 00:40:29,485
'cause that will then lead
to positive behaviors.

941
00:40:29,485 --> 00:40:30,405
And the, and the behaviors will

942
00:40:30,405 --> 00:40:31,565
take care of themselves, right?

943
00:40:32,285 --> 00:40:34,825
And lemme just pause and
just point out the irony.

944
00:40:35,245 --> 00:40:37,145
You see, we're using the same plan

945
00:40:37,735 --> 00:40:39,185
that the adversary's using

946
00:40:39,185 --> 00:40:40,665
because the adversary knows it works.

947
00:40:41,245 --> 00:40:43,425
But we can use, we can
fight fire with fire.

948
00:40:43,555 --> 00:40:45,545
We're not gonna focus on
the behaviors anymore.

949
00:40:45,635 --> 00:40:47,025
We're gonna focus on the hearts.

950
00:40:47,165 --> 00:40:49,705
And then good behaviors
will, will come from it.

951
00:40:49,705 --> 00:40:51,545
Just like the adversary focuses on the

952
00:40:51,545 --> 00:40:53,065
heart and corrupts it.

953
00:40:53,085 --> 00:40:54,745
And bad behavior comes from that.

954
00:40:55,125 --> 00:40:58,865
So one, we're always just
offering hope, hope, hope, hope.

955
00:40:58,955 --> 00:41:00,065
We're gonna get through this, right?

956
00:41:00,065 --> 00:41:01,265
I've given several examples of that.

957
00:41:01,815 --> 00:41:03,985
Explore doctrines, especially mercy

958
00:41:04,125 --> 00:41:08,745
and grace, a fantastic exercise
for any leader or parent

959
00:41:08,805 --> 00:41:11,425
or an individual wrestling
with, with addiction

960
00:41:11,845 --> 00:41:14,705
or struggling with pornography
to go to the scriptures

961
00:41:14,705 --> 00:41:17,225
and look up every
scripture with mercy in it.

962
00:41:17,525 --> 00:41:19,265
And there are far more scriptures,

963
00:41:19,285 --> 00:41:22,545
the mercy in it than there
are with condemnation, right?

964
00:41:22,925 --> 00:41:26,305
And so encouraging the
individual to explore doctrines.

965
00:41:26,685 --> 00:41:28,985
So this is the, the trap that
I would get in as a bishop.

966
00:41:29,085 --> 00:41:30,185
The individual would come in.

967
00:41:30,365 --> 00:41:33,145
We are in a very police
relationship, right?

968
00:41:33,385 --> 00:41:35,205
I'm policing you. You're here to tell me

969
00:41:35,385 --> 00:41:38,125
how many times you relapse
and confess those relapse.

970
00:41:38,685 --> 00:41:40,445
'cause that's just what
we do here, is we confess

971
00:41:40,985 --> 00:41:42,085
bad behavior, right?

972
00:41:42,425 --> 00:41:44,165
So it was this negative relationship

973
00:41:44,175 --> 00:41:45,965
where I was just policing the individual.

974
00:41:46,625 --> 00:41:48,325
And you can meet with the individual

975
00:41:49,105 --> 00:41:52,285
and not even mention
why they're there as far

976
00:41:52,285 --> 00:41:54,125
as the behaviors even, okay?

977
00:41:54,125 --> 00:41:56,125
We both know you struggle
with pornography,

978
00:41:56,135 --> 00:41:57,485
we're not even gonna talk about it.

979
00:41:57,695 --> 00:41:59,405
We're just gonna explore doctrines.

980
00:41:59,455 --> 00:42:01,405
Let's talk about the
temple this time, right?

981
00:42:01,405 --> 00:42:04,165
The next time we come back,
you dive into this, uh,

982
00:42:04,265 --> 00:42:06,885
the temple experience
and you know, go to Moses

983
00:42:07,465 --> 00:42:09,245
and read all of Moses.

984
00:42:09,305 --> 00:42:12,125
And you're gonna tell me
how those doctrines fit in

985
00:42:12,125 --> 00:42:14,125
with the doctrines we learn
about in the temple, right?

986
00:42:14,415 --> 00:42:16,365
Again, you're not even
talking about behavior.

987
00:42:16,545 --> 00:42:19,085
You're not talking about
even the temptation

988
00:42:19,185 --> 00:42:21,485
or the struggle of sexual
purity and all this.

989
00:42:21,625 --> 00:42:23,165
You're just talking about doctrines.

990
00:42:23,265 --> 00:42:27,525
And what happens is doctrines
influence behavior more than

991
00:42:27,525 --> 00:42:29,365
the study of behavior, right?

992
00:42:29,895 --> 00:42:33,645
We're now implementing
elder packer's famous quote.

993
00:42:33,975 --> 00:42:35,165
We're focused on doctrines.

994
00:42:35,165 --> 00:42:37,205
Even doctrines aren't directly
related to the problem,

995
00:42:37,785 --> 00:42:40,765
but what that's doing, it's
awakening their identity.

996
00:42:41,115 --> 00:42:43,725
It's awakening those
principles that connect them

997
00:42:43,725 --> 00:42:45,485
with God and they feel hope.

998
00:42:45,945 --> 00:42:47,845
And they're, they're not dreading

999
00:42:47,845 --> 00:42:49,445
that experience at the bishop office.

1000
00:42:49,765 --> 00:42:50,605
'cause oh, we're gonna, the bishop,

1001
00:42:50,605 --> 00:42:51,885
we're gonna talk about the temple.

1002
00:42:52,365 --> 00:42:54,765
I feel so good when I, we
talk about the temple, right?

1003
00:42:55,345 --> 00:42:57,725
That's the power of focusing on the hearts

1004
00:42:57,725 --> 00:42:58,965
through the doctrines.

1005
00:42:59,615 --> 00:43:01,365
Admit that you can't fix them, right?

1006
00:43:01,795 --> 00:43:03,965
That it's so easy for
that person to assume

1007
00:43:03,965 --> 00:43:05,605
that I'm walking in the bishop's office

1008
00:43:05,605 --> 00:43:07,885
because he's gonna fix me, right?

1009
00:43:08,225 --> 00:43:09,605
The atonement is gonna fix me.

1010
00:43:09,605 --> 00:43:11,285
And of course the
atonement is gonna fix you,

1011
00:43:11,545 --> 00:43:13,965
but not necessarily because
of the bishop, right?

1012
00:43:13,965 --> 00:43:16,965
The bishop is just a representative
there of that process.

1013
00:43:17,505 --> 00:43:21,325
So it's very helpful for a
bishop to say, listen, Tim,

1014
00:43:21,805 --> 00:43:24,325
I want you to know I'm
not here to fix you, okay?

1015
00:43:24,365 --> 00:43:26,885
I don't have a magical wand
here. I'm not here to fix you.

1016
00:43:26,985 --> 00:43:29,165
Christ will fix you, but I'm here.

1017
00:43:29,305 --> 00:43:30,605
Can we go on that journey together?

1018
00:43:31,025 --> 00:43:32,925
Can we learn about the doctrines together

1019
00:43:33,345 --> 00:43:36,245
and figure out how he can
help you overcome this

1020
00:43:36,625 --> 00:43:38,805
and reach a recovery and redemption?

1021
00:43:39,025 --> 00:43:42,045
That's the powerful of you
communicating them that we're,

1022
00:43:42,075 --> 00:43:43,525
that you're not here to fix them.

1023
00:43:44,025 --> 00:43:47,445
Define the purpose of CPR
Church. Pray and read scriptures.

1024
00:43:47,565 --> 00:43:48,565
I love this, this acronym

1025
00:43:48,565 --> 00:43:50,205
that someone introduced me to, CPR.

1026
00:43:50,205 --> 00:43:53,405
It's so easy to say, okay,
we're here, you know, uh,

1027
00:43:53,405 --> 00:43:55,285
we we're gonna focus
on good behaviors now.

1028
00:43:55,285 --> 00:43:57,845
So go to church, read your
scriptures and pray, right?

1029
00:43:58,145 --> 00:44:00,845
But define the purpose of CPR.

1030
00:44:00,945 --> 00:44:02,885
I'm not saying you don't
mention good behaviors,

1031
00:44:02,885 --> 00:44:06,085
but you define the purpose
of, of the good behaviors.

1032
00:44:06,175 --> 00:44:07,925
These good behaviors can't fix you, Tim.

1033
00:44:08,115 --> 00:44:09,365
They're not here to fix you.

1034
00:44:09,665 --> 00:44:11,485
But what they're here for
is to connect your heart

1035
00:44:11,485 --> 00:44:14,005
with God's heart and to
understand him more fully.

1036
00:44:14,345 --> 00:44:16,085
And that leads us to a place of surrender,

1037
00:44:16,085 --> 00:44:19,445
which then can help us
overcome this problem through,

1038
00:44:19,675 --> 00:44:21,125
through the atonement, right?

1039
00:44:21,505 --> 00:44:25,765
So define clearly why you
want them to read, pray,

1040
00:44:26,345 --> 00:44:27,685
and attend church.

1041
00:44:27,795 --> 00:44:29,445
Because if you just said, I need you

1042
00:44:29,445 --> 00:44:32,205
to do these three things,
they're thinking, oh yeah,

1043
00:44:32,205 --> 00:44:34,885
because if I do them
more, then that'll fix me.

1044
00:44:35,185 --> 00:44:37,645
The behavior won't fix you.
Only Christ will fix you.

1045
00:44:38,065 --> 00:44:41,445
Why you do these things is it
connects you with your God so

1046
00:44:41,445 --> 00:44:43,325
that you can further understand his

1047
00:44:43,325 --> 00:44:44,845
redemptive powers, right?

1048
00:44:45,155 --> 00:44:46,685
That, and that is what fixes you.

1049
00:44:46,825 --> 00:44:49,645
So make sure you are clear in why you're

1050
00:44:49,685 --> 00:44:50,725
asking to do those behaviors.

1051
00:44:51,075 --> 00:44:53,405
Turn them towards their
father in heaven, right?

1052
00:44:53,825 --> 00:44:57,325
You're there to not with all
the answers, you may just say,

1053
00:44:57,325 --> 00:44:58,525
you know, Tim, you need to go home

1054
00:44:59,025 --> 00:45:00,365
and I want you to pray about this.

1055
00:45:00,365 --> 00:45:03,325
Take these questions to
your maker, to your father

1056
00:45:03,385 --> 00:45:05,845
and see what direction
he has and then come back

1057
00:45:05,845 --> 00:45:07,325
and let's talk about that, right?

1058
00:45:07,815 --> 00:45:11,085
Let's talk about that.
Overwhelm them with connection.

1059
00:45:11,835 --> 00:45:13,525
Overwhelm them with connection.

1060
00:45:13,815 --> 00:45:15,685
Again, go back to Steve Shield's episode.

1061
00:45:16,235 --> 00:45:18,285
What did, it was individuals reaching out

1062
00:45:18,285 --> 00:45:20,845
to him even when he didn't
wanna be reached out to

1063
00:45:21,235 --> 00:45:24,525
that connection has so much power, right?

1064
00:45:24,525 --> 00:45:27,485
If there's individuals in
your ward who have struggled

1065
00:45:27,485 --> 00:45:29,085
with something like this in the past,

1066
00:45:29,385 --> 00:45:32,165
and now you know that's
behind them, they don't need

1067
00:45:32,165 --> 00:45:33,405
to talk about this.

1068
00:45:33,875 --> 00:45:37,005
Call them into repentance
and say, we need your help.

1069
00:45:37,375 --> 00:45:39,525
There are individuals
suffering like you suffered.

1070
00:45:39,785 --> 00:45:41,125
And if they don't see where you're at now,

1071
00:45:41,715 --> 00:45:42,965
they may lose hope.

1072
00:45:43,325 --> 00:45:45,445
I can't show up as the bishop, right?

1073
00:45:45,785 --> 00:45:47,765
Unless obviously the
bishop's been been there.

1074
00:45:48,185 --> 00:45:51,445
But that's why you need to
connect them with individuals.

1075
00:45:51,945 --> 00:45:55,565
Invite them to say, to ask
if you can, uh, share this

1076
00:45:55,565 --> 00:45:56,845
with the relief society president,

1077
00:45:56,845 --> 00:45:57,805
the elders corn president,

1078
00:45:57,805 --> 00:45:59,045
whomever's their, their leader, right?

1079
00:45:59,105 --> 00:46:00,445
And say, we need to get you some help

1080
00:46:00,445 --> 00:46:02,085
and connection right now.

1081
00:46:02,085 --> 00:46:04,285
It may take some time. They
may be so buried in shame,

1082
00:46:04,355 --> 00:46:06,405
they don't wanna tell anybody as you go

1083
00:46:06,405 --> 00:46:08,085
through this process
and soften their heart.

1084
00:46:08,315 --> 00:46:10,765
They want connection and
they'll see the power in it.

1085
00:46:11,225 --> 00:46:14,245
So lemme tell you a story about James, him

1086
00:46:14,245 --> 00:46:15,485
and his lovely family here.

1087
00:46:15,825 --> 00:46:18,485
So James is a friend of
mine, uh, someone I've met

1088
00:46:18,485 --> 00:46:20,765
through this journey of understanding, uh,

1089
00:46:22,045 --> 00:46:23,925
understanding recovery and those things.

1090
00:46:24,425 --> 00:46:28,005
Um, James was a, a good
latterday saint, raised in sort

1091
00:46:28,005 --> 00:46:29,885
of some rough circumstances at times, but

1092
00:46:29,885 --> 00:46:32,525
nonetheless attended church
later, went on a mission,

1093
00:46:32,545 --> 00:46:34,565
served a mission, and came home

1094
00:46:34,825 --> 00:46:38,685
and sort of had this, this,
uh, consistent relapse cycle.

1095
00:46:38,835 --> 00:46:41,965
This shame cycles. He, he
terms it every three months.

1096
00:46:42,105 --> 00:46:43,765
He would, he'd do good
for about three months

1097
00:46:43,785 --> 00:46:45,885
and then just completely re relapse

1098
00:46:46,465 --> 00:46:49,565
and then do good for three
months, white knuckling it,

1099
00:46:49,865 --> 00:46:51,445
and then fall into that shame cycle.

1100
00:46:51,985 --> 00:46:53,925
And he's a good example is why,

1101
00:46:54,185 --> 00:46:56,605
why this term I'm an
addict can be so helpful

1102
00:46:56,745 --> 00:46:57,885
for people, right?

1103
00:46:58,395 --> 00:47:01,845
Once he was able to identify
himself as an addict

1104
00:47:02,555 --> 00:47:05,885
that then let him knew
there was actually a plan.

1105
00:47:06,235 --> 00:47:08,405
Like people had, other
addicts had overcome this.

1106
00:47:08,405 --> 00:47:09,925
So if I'm an addict, there's hope

1107
00:47:09,925 --> 00:47:12,365
and a plan that I can
figure this out, right?

1108
00:47:12,425 --> 00:47:15,405
So with him, label labeling himself

1109
00:47:15,505 --> 00:47:18,165
and addict was very
expanding, very helpful

1110
00:47:18,425 --> 00:47:21,965
for him in his journey
to overcome his addiction

1111
00:47:21,965 --> 00:47:25,725
or his, uh, his habit of, of
viewing pornography, right?

1112
00:47:26,025 --> 00:47:28,165
And, uh, he's got a great,
great story you can listen

1113
00:47:28,165 --> 00:47:29,885
to on the Unashamed Unafraid podcast.

1114
00:47:30,355 --> 00:47:33,365
It's in the resources, uh,
below this video that, uh,

1115
00:47:33,705 --> 00:47:36,365
is a powerful story to
help understand more why

1116
00:47:36,365 --> 00:47:37,925
that term can be so helpful.

1117
00:47:38,195 --> 00:47:41,725
Alright? So that's one tactic
is as far as identity or, or,

1118
00:47:41,725 --> 00:47:44,485
or one way that God impacts
our identity, I want

1119
00:47:44,485 --> 00:47:46,365
to talk about disappointment, okay?

1120
00:47:46,395 --> 00:47:49,605
This is more powerful
than you maybe realize.

1121
00:47:49,725 --> 00:47:52,205
I bet you never really thought
about disappointment in the

1122
00:47:52,205 --> 00:47:55,005
context of doctrines or in the
context of the gospel, right?

1123
00:47:55,065 --> 00:47:56,445
Disappointment is just sort

1124
00:47:56,445 --> 00:47:59,125
of a feeling we feel right
in this mortal experience,

1125
00:47:59,185 --> 00:48:00,445
and we kind of assume

1126
00:48:00,445 --> 00:48:02,325
that it's a common feeling, which it is.

1127
00:48:03,065 --> 00:48:04,845
But I'm gonna, I wanna propose to you

1128
00:48:04,845 --> 00:48:08,085
that it is a strong tactic
that the adversary is using

1129
00:48:08,675 --> 00:48:11,525
through disappointment, that
is altering our identity,

1130
00:48:11,655 --> 00:48:13,805
which again, attacks our hearts

1131
00:48:14,145 --> 00:48:16,285
and causes us shame, which leads us

1132
00:48:16,285 --> 00:48:18,485
to set our own trap of, uh, sinning.

1133
00:48:18,485 --> 00:48:22,005
Okay? So I, I often show
this, uh, this image in,

1134
00:48:22,025 --> 00:48:23,485
in Youth Fireside that I do,

1135
00:48:24,025 --> 00:48:26,325
and this image is, uh, obviously

1136
00:48:26,385 --> 00:48:29,365
nor Norman Rockwell's the, the
famous artist he painted one

1137
00:48:29,365 --> 00:48:32,565
of the principal's office and
one in the dentist office.

1138
00:48:32,905 --> 00:48:35,205
And I have to ask these
youth, all right, who's been

1139
00:48:35,205 --> 00:48:36,845
to the principal's office before, right?

1140
00:48:36,845 --> 00:48:38,725
You ever been in trouble?
And few raise their hands,

1141
00:48:38,725 --> 00:48:40,645
and then I say, who's been
to the dentist's office?

1142
00:48:41,505 --> 00:48:43,165
And all sorts of hands go up, right?

1143
00:48:43,705 --> 00:48:46,005
And, uh, because everybody
goes to the dentist's office,

1144
00:48:46,005 --> 00:48:48,085
there's no shame in the dentist's office.

1145
00:48:48,465 --> 00:48:51,405
And I talk about this
dynamic, this dichotomy

1146
00:48:51,405 --> 00:48:52,725
between the principal's office

1147
00:48:53,225 --> 00:48:55,845
and the dentist's office,
that when you get called

1148
00:48:55,845 --> 00:48:58,285
to principal's office, it's
sort of a man you're in trouble.

1149
00:48:58,305 --> 00:49:00,125
It feels really shameful, right?

1150
00:49:00,185 --> 00:49:02,125
You think, oh no, I don't want my parents

1151
00:49:02,145 --> 00:49:03,565
to find out about this, right?

1152
00:49:04,025 --> 00:49:06,485
But if you get called
into the dentist's office,

1153
00:49:06,505 --> 00:49:07,925
or if you go to the dentist's office,

1154
00:49:08,115 --> 00:49:09,805
there's no shame about that.

1155
00:49:09,805 --> 00:49:11,965
Everybody goes, right? In
fact, you want your parents

1156
00:49:11,965 --> 00:49:13,125
to know that you're going to the,

1157
00:49:13,305 --> 00:49:14,485
the dentist's office, right?

1158
00:49:14,945 --> 00:49:17,605
So it's an interesting
dichotomy to think about this.

1159
00:49:18,355 --> 00:49:21,645
When you think about the
context of the Bishop's office.

1160
00:49:22,465 --> 00:49:25,605
So if you're a bishop or, or
if you've been a bishop or,

1161
00:49:26,105 --> 00:49:29,765
or a leader, like what did
your bishop's office feel more

1162
00:49:29,765 --> 00:49:31,445
like the principal's office

1163
00:49:32,105 --> 00:49:33,925
or more like the dentist's office?

1164
00:49:34,625 --> 00:49:37,165
Did people see it as a place
to, that they they were going

1165
00:49:37,165 --> 00:49:38,245
to because they were in trouble

1166
00:49:38,425 --> 00:49:39,845
or they've done something wrong?

1167
00:49:40,465 --> 00:49:43,725
Or did they feel like it was a
place that they were going to

1168
00:49:43,875 --> 00:49:46,205
because they're supposed
to, they're going in

1169
00:49:46,205 --> 00:49:47,245
for a checkup, right?

1170
00:49:47,595 --> 00:49:49,405
Yeah, they didn't floss very well, but

1171
00:49:49,865 --> 00:49:51,405
or spiritually floss very well,

1172
00:49:51,425 --> 00:49:53,285
but they're going there to
get that figured out, right?

1173
00:49:53,765 --> 00:49:54,965
I think all of us would agree

1174
00:49:55,275 --> 00:49:57,285
that we want the Bishop's Office

1175
00:49:57,505 --> 00:50:00,125
to feel more like a
dentist's office than we

1176
00:50:00,125 --> 00:50:01,685
do a principal's office.

1177
00:50:01,775 --> 00:50:03,565
Right? Now, of course,
there's some negative things

1178
00:50:03,565 --> 00:50:04,925
to a dentist's office, don't get me wrong.

1179
00:50:04,925 --> 00:50:06,525
It's not like everybody's
favorite thing to do,

1180
00:50:07,065 --> 00:50:09,085
but there's no shame in going
to the dentist's office.

1181
00:50:09,085 --> 00:50:11,365
There's no shame in going
to get a cavity filled.

1182
00:50:11,755 --> 00:50:13,285
Most people have cavities, right?

1183
00:50:13,595 --> 00:50:14,765
Most people have to go to the

1184
00:50:14,765 --> 00:50:15,925
dentist's office to get cavities.

1185
00:50:15,965 --> 00:50:17,285
There's no shame in that. And

1186
00:50:17,285 --> 00:50:19,205
that's the feeling of the Bishop's office.

1187
00:50:19,745 --> 00:50:23,845
So lemme explain my, as a youth
a, a story of my interaction

1188
00:50:23,845 --> 00:50:24,845
with the Bishop's office.

1189
00:50:25,465 --> 00:50:27,765
So it is 1997,

1190
00:50:28,405 --> 00:50:31,765
I am sitting on the sofa in my TV room,

1191
00:50:32,305 --> 00:50:35,285
my mother is folding laundry
and we're watching a crime,

1192
00:50:35,505 --> 00:50:38,245
and she's watching some crime drama right?

1193
00:50:38,835 --> 00:50:40,445
Show. And she's folding laundry.

1194
00:50:40,625 --> 00:50:42,005
And I'm looking at the TV screen,

1195
00:50:42,385 --> 00:50:44,845
but my mind is a million
miles away from there

1196
00:50:45,355 --> 00:50:49,605
because I feel so much
shame about what I've done.

1197
00:50:50,425 --> 00:50:55,045
And I remember forcing myself
to tell my mom this phrase

1198
00:50:55,045 --> 00:50:56,045
during a commercial break.

1199
00:50:56,165 --> 00:50:59,725
I say, mom, I think there's
something wrong with me. Right?

1200
00:51:00,225 --> 00:51:03,125
You see, the adversary had
worked with me to the point

1201
00:51:03,125 --> 00:51:05,045
that it wasn't that I
was doing bad things,

1202
00:51:05,625 --> 00:51:07,525
but now he had got my identity.

1203
00:51:08,025 --> 00:51:11,525
He was altering my, how I saw
myself altering my identity,

1204
00:51:11,975 --> 00:51:14,045
which was leading to shame, right?

1205
00:51:14,825 --> 00:51:17,685
And I remember my mom
sort of brushed it off

1206
00:51:17,685 --> 00:51:19,685
and it was sort of a weird
thing to say at a weird time.

1207
00:51:19,905 --> 00:51:22,005
And so a few days later, I'm sitting

1208
00:51:22,745 --> 00:51:25,525
in my parents' bedroom on the
edge of their bed, uh, bed

1209
00:51:26,065 --> 00:51:27,285
by their nightstand because

1210
00:51:27,285 --> 00:51:28,445
they had a phone on their nightstand.

1211
00:51:28,445 --> 00:51:30,685
And I'm calling the executive secretary

1212
00:51:30,685 --> 00:51:32,725
because I know that I
need to set an appointment

1213
00:51:32,725 --> 00:51:35,525
with my bishop who sure felt like I was

1214
00:51:35,525 --> 00:51:36,645
going into the principal's office.

1215
00:51:36,915 --> 00:51:38,645
Nothing that against that bishop.

1216
00:51:38,665 --> 00:51:42,085
That's just how my mentality
was thinking of that age as,

1217
00:51:42,105 --> 00:51:43,125
as a 16-year-old.

1218
00:51:43,545 --> 00:51:45,165
And I remember calling his extra sick.

1219
00:51:45,365 --> 00:51:48,365
I thought, oh man, he is
gonna ask me what I did.

1220
00:51:48,505 --> 00:51:50,605
I'm gonna have to tell this
guy. I don't even know this guy.

1221
00:51:50,685 --> 00:51:52,285
I mean, he's just some
old guy in the ward.

1222
00:51:52,625 --> 00:51:53,805
I'm gonna have to tell him what I did.

1223
00:51:54,345 --> 00:51:56,805
Ah, and then, uh, sure enough,
he, he answers the phone

1224
00:51:57,145 --> 00:51:59,085
and I said, I need to set an

1225
00:51:59,485 --> 00:52:01,285
with my bishop or with the bishop.

1226
00:52:01,425 --> 00:52:03,325
And he says, okay, I have
about Tuesday at seven.

1227
00:52:04,045 --> 00:52:06,605
I said, okay, that's fine.
Great. See you then click.

1228
00:52:06,905 --> 00:52:10,125
And he hangs up and I, oh, I
don't need, I don't need to,

1229
00:52:10,465 --> 00:52:12,365
you know, divulge these, these details

1230
00:52:12,465 --> 00:52:13,765
to this guy in the ward.

1231
00:52:14,345 --> 00:52:16,205
So then a few days pass

1232
00:52:16,305 --> 00:52:20,605
and it's Tuesday, I'm sitting
on in, on the sofa outside

1233
00:52:20,625 --> 00:52:21,645
of the bishop's office

1234
00:52:21,745 --> 00:52:23,885
and I just wanted that
building to fall down.

1235
00:52:23,965 --> 00:52:25,845
I wanted to catch on
fire. I wanted to explode.

1236
00:52:26,085 --> 00:52:28,405
I just, I wanted out of there.

1237
00:52:28,565 --> 00:52:30,565
I just felt so bad

1238
00:52:30,905 --> 00:52:31,965
and I knew for sure

1239
00:52:32,635 --> 00:52:34,485
that the bishop would
be disappointed in me.

1240
00:52:34,965 --> 00:52:38,245
I knew for sure that God
was disappointed in me.

1241
00:52:38,885 --> 00:52:42,965
I felt worthless. I felt broken.
I felt without hope, right?

1242
00:52:43,585 --> 00:52:46,205
So my question is, how did
Satan get me to feel like that?

1243
00:52:46,945 --> 00:52:48,525
How did Satan get me to feel like that?

1244
00:52:48,525 --> 00:52:50,005
How did he attack my identity?

1245
00:52:50,905 --> 00:52:54,445
And this is probably the most
powerful way I would argue

1246
00:52:54,475 --> 00:52:58,205
that, that the adversary
attacks our identity is

1247
00:52:58,205 --> 00:53:00,925
that he knows that God loves us.

1248
00:53:01,425 --> 00:53:03,405
And you would think the
adversary wants us to think

1249
00:53:03,405 --> 00:53:06,205
that God doesn't love us,
but he doesn't start there

1250
00:53:06,205 --> 00:53:08,445
because we sort of own
that doctrine, right?

1251
00:53:08,535 --> 00:53:12,165
Every since the time we started
nursery to the present day,

1252
00:53:12,335 --> 00:53:16,005
we've been learning I am a
child of God and he loves me.

1253
00:53:16,545 --> 00:53:19,205
God loves me. And so, yes, God loves you.

1254
00:53:19,205 --> 00:53:20,565
You see the adversary is actually going

1255
00:53:20,565 --> 00:53:23,885
to use this against us
cause contention in our mind

1256
00:53:23,885 --> 00:53:25,845
with this doctrine that God loves you,

1257
00:53:26,015 --> 00:53:27,845
which will then impact our identity.

1258
00:53:28,605 --> 00:53:30,165
'cause he says, yes, God loves you,

1259
00:53:30,585 --> 00:53:32,605
but he sure is disappointed in you.

1260
00:53:33,065 --> 00:53:35,685
Yes, God loves you, but
he sure is disappointed

1261
00:53:35,685 --> 00:53:36,725
in you most of the time.

1262
00:53:37,305 --> 00:53:38,725
In fact, the most,

1263
00:53:39,195 --> 00:53:41,365
he's disappointed you
in the most, the most.

1264
00:53:41,635 --> 00:53:45,725
Because when I sat in that
chair waiting to see the bishop,

1265
00:53:46,205 --> 00:53:49,245
I truly believed I was the
only youth in the history of

1266
00:53:49,245 --> 00:53:51,645
that ward to ever have to
set up a, an appointment

1267
00:53:51,645 --> 00:53:52,685
with the bishop, right?

1268
00:53:52,685 --> 00:53:55,245
That's what the adversary
had had convinced me

1269
00:53:55,355 --> 00:53:57,125
that my identity was so messed up.

1270
00:53:57,205 --> 00:53:59,245
I was the only youth that had to sit in

1271
00:53:59,245 --> 00:54:00,605
that chair and go see the bishop.

1272
00:54:01,005 --> 00:54:04,885
I felt alone. I'm the only
one. I'm the only one.

1273
00:54:05,385 --> 00:54:08,045
And now can you see how easy that is?

1274
00:54:08,045 --> 00:54:10,205
Through this, this idea of disappointment,

1275
00:54:10,905 --> 00:54:15,045
he altered my identity so that
I was setting my own snares.

1276
00:54:15,585 --> 00:54:16,805
So what is disappointment?

1277
00:54:16,935 --> 00:54:18,445
Let's just zone in on this

1278
00:54:18,445 --> 00:54:21,525
because I think if we understand
this, we can help a lot

1279
00:54:21,525 --> 00:54:23,645
of people get outta the shame cycle.

1280
00:54:24,065 --> 00:54:25,085
So what is disappointment?

1281
00:54:25,515 --> 00:54:27,125
Well, you can look it up through Google

1282
00:54:27,825 --> 00:54:31,485
or obviously you have a
certain expectation, right?

1283
00:54:31,865 --> 00:54:33,805
And that expectation does not happen.

1284
00:54:34,185 --> 00:54:37,445
So therefore you are disappointed.
Now, let me ask you this.

1285
00:54:38,185 --> 00:54:41,845
Can God be disappointed or can
God be disappointed in you?

1286
00:54:42,275 --> 00:54:44,685
Okay? So can God have an expectation

1287
00:54:45,065 --> 00:54:47,845
and expect that expectation
to, to follow through

1288
00:54:48,265 --> 00:54:49,485
and then it doesn't follow through?

1289
00:54:50,325 --> 00:54:52,765
Hmm, lemme put it this
way with this question.

1290
00:54:52,865 --> 00:54:54,165
Can God be surprised?

1291
00:54:54,625 --> 00:54:56,005
Now, I know there's maybe some debate

1292
00:54:56,005 --> 00:54:58,925
around whether God knows the
beginning, the, the present

1293
00:54:58,985 --> 00:55:01,525
and the future, or the
past, present and future,

1294
00:55:01,585 --> 00:55:04,005
but I, I would say it's
a pretty solid doctrine

1295
00:55:04,315 --> 00:55:05,845
that God is all knowing, right?

1296
00:55:06,225 --> 00:55:08,325
So therefore, if someone has asked you,

1297
00:55:08,325 --> 00:55:09,445
can God be surprised?

1298
00:55:09,805 --> 00:55:11,205
I think most people would say no.

1299
00:55:11,265 --> 00:55:13,525
And most people I've asked say
no, God can't be surprised.

1300
00:55:13,825 --> 00:55:17,005
So therefore, can he be disappointed? Hmm.

1301
00:55:17,275 --> 00:55:19,245
Because if God can't be disappointed,

1302
00:55:19,785 --> 00:55:22,445
the adversary can't use this
trick against us saying, yeah,

1303
00:55:22,465 --> 00:55:24,205
God loves you, but he sure
is disappointed in you.

1304
00:55:24,795 --> 00:55:26,325
Some people argue, well, Kurt,

1305
00:55:26,325 --> 00:55:27,725
have you read the scriptures lately?

1306
00:55:27,965 --> 00:55:31,165
I mean, there's a lot of the
examples of a disappointment

1307
00:55:31,345 --> 00:55:33,165
of disappointed God, right?

1308
00:55:33,405 --> 00:55:35,645
I mean, a lot of people
he is disappointed in.

1309
00:55:36,345 --> 00:55:40,325
Is it really though? Or
is he just maybe upset

1310
00:55:40,865 --> 00:55:42,925
and wanting to give them direction?

1311
00:55:43,525 --> 00:55:46,365
A good example is doctrine
covenants section three,

1312
00:55:46,975 --> 00:55:50,125
where the, you know, where
Joseph Smith has lost 116 pages

1313
00:55:50,625 --> 00:55:54,125
and God sounds super
disappointed if you read that.

1314
00:55:54,505 --> 00:55:56,205
If you have a mean dad read that.

1315
00:55:56,385 --> 00:55:58,565
It sounds like God is super disappointed.

1316
00:55:58,565 --> 00:56:01,805
However, he starts the
section with these verses,

1317
00:56:02,265 --> 00:56:05,845
and this I think is so powerful,
the works and the designs

1318
00:56:05,845 --> 00:56:09,005
and the purposes of God
cannot be frustrated.

1319
00:56:09,115 --> 00:56:10,565
Neither can they come to not,

1320
00:56:11,065 --> 00:56:13,365
for God does not walk in crooked paths.

1321
00:56:13,365 --> 00:56:16,085
Neither does he turn to the
right hand, nor to the left.

1322
00:56:16,085 --> 00:56:18,805
Neither does he vary from
that which he has said.

1323
00:56:19,035 --> 00:56:20,725
Therefore, his paths are straight.

1324
00:56:21,105 --> 00:56:23,525
And his course is one eternal round.

1325
00:56:23,585 --> 00:56:25,325
And here is the, the kicker.

1326
00:56:26,285 --> 00:56:29,405
Remember, remember that
it is not the work of God

1327
00:56:29,675 --> 00:56:32,725
that is frustrated, but
the work of men, right?

1328
00:56:32,925 --> 00:56:37,165
I mean, there are so many
examples that of God had a plan,

1329
00:56:37,705 --> 00:56:40,045
God knew that he was, that
Joseph Smith was going

1330
00:56:40,045 --> 00:56:42,165
to le lose those 116 pages.

1331
00:56:42,385 --> 00:56:45,725
He, he had a plan, right?
Which was the Book of Lehigh.

1332
00:56:45,725 --> 00:56:47,005
We didn't, didn't need the book of Lehigh,

1333
00:56:47,005 --> 00:56:48,405
the book, the plates of Nephi.

1334
00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:50,325
You know, help fill in those blanks and,

1335
00:56:50,385 --> 00:56:53,285
and, uh, communicate
all the doctrine we need

1336
00:56:53,345 --> 00:56:54,365
in this dispensation.

1337
00:56:55,605 --> 00:56:56,765
I love these three verses.

1338
00:56:56,885 --> 00:56:59,165
'cause the rest of the chapter,
the rest of the section,

1339
00:56:59,315 --> 00:57:02,525
sure, sounds like God is
disappointed, but he's not.

1340
00:57:04,015 --> 00:57:05,315
He still offers guidance.

1341
00:57:05,905 --> 00:57:09,355
He's given Joseph some
pretty clear direction on how

1342
00:57:09,355 --> 00:57:10,875
to change and how to adjust.

1343
00:57:11,295 --> 00:57:11,835
But he is not

1344
00:57:11,835 --> 00:57:13,835
disappointed 'cause he
knew it was gonna happen.

1345
00:57:14,575 --> 00:57:16,635
You cannot be disappointed if you

1346
00:57:16,635 --> 00:57:18,395
know that it's gonna happen.

1347
00:57:19,495 --> 00:57:21,995
So God's not disappointed in you ever.

1348
00:57:22,855 --> 00:57:25,675
God wasn't disappointed
in me as a youth, right?

1349
00:57:26,215 --> 00:57:27,955
He knew it was part of his plan.

1350
00:57:27,975 --> 00:57:29,835
And behold, this is my doctrine.

1351
00:57:29,895 --> 00:57:33,275
He says, this is the doctrine.
Sum it down to one verse.

1352
00:57:33,345 --> 00:57:36,685
This is God's doctrine,
whosoever rep penance,

1353
00:57:36,985 --> 00:57:39,405
and come with them to me
the same as my church.

1354
00:57:40,265 --> 00:57:41,725
If you come into, if you repent

1355
00:57:41,725 --> 00:57:43,445
and come to me, that's the plan here.

1356
00:57:43,445 --> 00:57:45,245
That's what we're doing.
That's the game we're

1357
00:57:45,245 --> 00:57:46,605
playing is repentance.

1358
00:57:47,465 --> 00:57:50,005
And so I'm not disappointed
in you when you,

1359
00:57:50,075 --> 00:57:51,845
when you trip up, when you falter.

1360
00:57:52,345 --> 00:57:53,725
That's just the game that, that,

1361
00:57:53,725 --> 00:57:55,085
that's just what we're doing here.

1362
00:57:55,085 --> 00:57:57,565
That's the plan is repentance.

1363
00:57:57,705 --> 00:57:59,725
Of course, you're in the
bishop's office again, just like

1364
00:57:59,725 --> 00:58:02,685
of course you're in the
dentist's office again, you,

1365
00:58:02,785 --> 00:58:04,245
you gotta learn how to floss better.

1366
00:58:04,465 --> 00:58:06,965
You gotta brush a couple
times a day at least,

1367
00:58:07,105 --> 00:58:09,405
at least daily, at least weekly, right?

1368
00:58:09,475 --> 00:58:13,605
Like, that's why we go to the
dentist's office and, uh, or

1369
00:58:13,605 --> 00:58:15,605
or otherwise known as the Bishop's office

1370
00:58:15,745 --> 00:58:18,275
and not to the, uh, principal's office.

1371
00:58:18,305 --> 00:58:19,355
It's not a principal's office

1372
00:58:19,355 --> 00:58:20,915
because nobody's disappointed in you.

1373
00:58:21,465 --> 00:58:22,635
It's part of the plan. We all

1374
00:58:22,635 --> 00:58:23,835
knew that you'd have to repent.

1375
00:58:24,615 --> 00:58:26,115
So get rid of the shame, right?

1376
00:58:26,115 --> 00:58:27,915
You see how this message pulls people

1377
00:58:28,055 --> 00:58:29,115
out of the shame cycle.

1378
00:58:29,645 --> 00:58:32,715
God's not disappointed in you.
He knew this would happen.

1379
00:58:33,175 --> 00:58:36,035
Now let's, let's move on. See
how we can, we can progress.

1380
00:58:36,185 --> 00:58:37,475
He's justified you.

1381
00:58:38,015 --> 00:58:40,875
Now let's talk about how you
can be sanctified, right?

1382
00:58:40,895 --> 00:58:44,135
The atonement iss there, you're,
you're good. So lemme go.

1383
00:58:44,275 --> 00:58:47,055
And, uh, I love this
quote by Elder Robbins.

1384
00:58:47,055 --> 00:58:48,615
Repentance isn't his backup plan.

1385
00:58:48,725 --> 00:58:51,055
Plan in the, in the event we might fall.

1386
00:58:51,065 --> 00:58:54,055
Repentance is his plan,
knowing that we will,

1387
00:58:54,795 --> 00:58:55,815
it is his plan.

1388
00:58:56,795 --> 00:59:00,295
So let me tell you about
my sweet daughter Dery.

1389
00:59:01,515 --> 00:59:04,295
She is the epitome of
a 7-year-old right now.

1390
00:59:04,295 --> 00:59:06,975
She turns eight in in
May, and she's so sweet.

1391
00:59:07,175 --> 00:59:08,975
I mean, loves to twirling her dress.

1392
00:59:09,275 --> 00:59:11,575
She loves to have dance
parties in our kitchen.

1393
00:59:12,195 --> 00:59:14,895
Um, she loves mermaids.
I mean, she is so sweet.

1394
00:59:15,835 --> 00:59:20,765
When she was one years
old, she, she obviously

1395
00:59:21,515 --> 00:59:22,805
started to learn to walk.

1396
00:59:22,975 --> 00:59:25,005
Right Now I'm home alone

1397
00:59:25,515 --> 00:59:28,485
with Dere when she takes her first steps

1398
00:59:28,945 --> 00:59:30,245
and I'm thinking, oh my goodness,

1399
00:59:30,325 --> 00:59:31,805
I can't believe my wife isn't here

1400
00:59:31,805 --> 00:59:32,885
when this is happening, right?

1401
00:59:32,965 --> 00:59:35,165
I mean, that's why we picture
that the wife is there.

1402
00:59:35,205 --> 00:59:36,765
I mean, the whole family's
there witnessing this.

1403
00:59:36,825 --> 00:59:39,885
So I pull out my phone
to turn on the recorder

1404
00:59:40,305 --> 00:59:41,765
to capture this moment.

1405
00:59:42,505 --> 00:59:44,725
And I didn't realize in the moment

1406
00:59:44,755 --> 00:59:46,525
what I was capturing the analogy

1407
00:59:46,675 --> 00:59:47,885
that I was recording in that.

1408
00:59:47,945 --> 00:59:52,365
So I want you to watch
this, this video, this clip,

1409
00:59:52,505 --> 00:59:54,405
and I want you to hear my voice,

1410
00:59:54,415 --> 00:59:56,565
which represents the voice
of our father in heaven.

1411
00:59:57,105 --> 01:00:00,605
And I want you to see DeVry
as our mortal experience,

1412
01:00:00,875 --> 01:00:03,565
that we we're trying to become better,

1413
01:00:03,825 --> 01:00:05,045
but we're falling down.

1414
01:00:06,395 --> 01:00:08,445
Look at you walk. Oh my goodness.

1415
01:00:08,645 --> 01:00:10,845
I turn the camera on and you fall down.

1416
01:00:11,595 --> 01:00:15,245
Okay, let's do it again.
Come on. Stand up.

1417
01:00:16,755 --> 01:00:21,525
Okay, here she goes. Yeah.

1418
01:00:24,915 --> 01:00:27,845
Yeah. She's so fun, huh?

1419
01:00:29,595 --> 01:00:33,925
Over here now. Oh, she
can't pivot yet, huh?

1420
01:00:34,265 --> 01:00:36,805
Should we stand? Okay, here we go.

1421
01:00:39,515 --> 01:00:41,525
Okay, come on. Div.

1422
01:00:45,065 --> 01:00:47,845
Oh, isn't that much easier than scooting?

1423
01:00:49,825 --> 01:00:52,845
Oh, you're gonna fall down
another bazillion times,

1424
01:00:53,145 --> 01:00:54,285
but it'll be worth it.

1425
01:00:55,395 --> 01:00:59,125
Clap your hands. You
did it. Clap your hands.

1426
01:01:00,395 --> 01:01:04,575
Good girl. I get emotional every
time that I watch that clip

1427
01:01:05,155 --> 01:01:06,775
and, uh, obviously 'cause of my daughter,

1428
01:01:06,875 --> 01:01:09,895
but more, uh, more to the
fact of what it speaks to me

1429
01:01:10,635 --> 01:01:13,535
as a son of God, uh, as having
a loving heavenly Father.

1430
01:01:13,605 --> 01:01:15,255
Just those, those terms I'm using.

1431
01:01:15,255 --> 01:01:16,735
And I'm not even trying to use 'em, right?

1432
01:01:16,795 --> 01:01:19,415
I'm just acting as a father
in that moment, right?

1433
01:01:19,645 --> 01:01:23,055
Here we go. Get up. Oh, you fell down.

1434
01:01:23,395 --> 01:01:25,815
You're gonna fall down in
more another bazillion times,

1435
01:01:25,875 --> 01:01:27,015
but it'll be worth it, right?

1436
01:01:27,575 --> 01:01:29,535
I just love how, I just feel the love

1437
01:01:29,535 --> 01:01:31,855
of my father in heaven
when I watched that clip.

1438
01:01:31,855 --> 01:01:32,935
And I've seen it so many times.

1439
01:01:33,435 --> 01:01:35,695
And, uh, that's the experience.

1440
01:01:36,395 --> 01:01:38,895
That's the, that's the
relationship we have from him.

1441
01:01:39,095 --> 01:01:41,095
I was not one bit disappointed in my

1442
01:01:41,215 --> 01:01:42,295
daughter when she fell down.

1443
01:01:42,735 --> 01:01:44,775
'cause I knew she was
growing. I knew she was

1444
01:01:44,775 --> 01:01:46,175
developing and progressing.

1445
01:01:46,635 --> 01:01:49,335
And that's the love of
God that comes from that.

1446
01:01:49,735 --> 01:01:52,095
Uh, we get from, that's the, the love

1447
01:01:52,095 --> 01:01:53,335
of God that comes from God, right?

1448
01:01:54,035 --> 01:01:56,215
So, man, I gotta assure
you this quote, I love it

1449
01:01:56,215 --> 01:01:59,215
so much from Elder del
g Reland, this shepherd,

1450
01:01:59,475 --> 01:02:03,055
our good shepherd, finds
joy in seeing his diseased

1451
01:02:03,145 --> 01:02:04,975
sheep progress towards healing.

1452
01:02:05,575 --> 01:02:07,575
I think Elder Reland just called us all

1453
01:02:07,895 --> 01:02:09,495
diseased sheep <laugh>.

1454
01:02:09,815 --> 01:02:13,695
I, I love that term because
we truly are diseased sheep.

1455
01:02:14,275 --> 01:02:18,935
We are messed up, we're broken.
We need God to redeem us.

1456
01:02:19,625 --> 01:02:21,485
We need God to fix us, right?

1457
01:02:21,945 --> 01:02:24,045
We can't act like we're
figuring out ourselves

1458
01:02:24,045 --> 01:02:25,485
because of our good behaviors.

1459
01:02:25,545 --> 01:02:28,645
We are all broken. We
are all disease sheep.

1460
01:02:28,785 --> 01:02:31,605
Here's a few other, uh,
great quotes. A CS Lewis.

1461
01:02:31,965 --> 01:02:33,525
A car is made to run on gasoline

1462
01:02:33,665 --> 01:02:35,805
and would not run
properly on anything else.

1463
01:02:36,385 --> 01:02:39,245
Now, God designed the human
machine to run on himself.

1464
01:02:39,665 --> 01:02:41,885
He himself is the fuel of our spirits,

1465
01:02:42,145 --> 01:02:44,165
the fuel our spirits
were designed to burn,

1466
01:02:44,505 --> 01:02:46,725
or the food our spirits
were designed to feed on.

1467
01:02:46,935 --> 01:02:49,725
There is no other God is our fuel.

1468
01:02:50,345 --> 01:02:53,485
We do not move without him.
We do not repent without him.

1469
01:02:53,485 --> 01:02:55,125
We do not progress without him.

1470
01:02:55,705 --> 01:02:57,365
Of course, we need repentance

1471
01:02:57,365 --> 01:03:01,365
because of course we need
gasoline if we were a car, right?

1472
01:03:02,065 --> 01:03:06,045
So I wanna tell you a story.
Uh, back in March of 2019.

1473
01:03:06,225 --> 01:03:07,645
I'm, I'm in my home office.

1474
01:03:07,745 --> 01:03:10,005
It was a different, uh, office
than I'm sitting in now.

1475
01:03:10,425 --> 01:03:13,845
And my scriptures are
open on my, on my desk.

1476
01:03:13,965 --> 01:03:15,685
I have, you know, obviously
this is a standing desk.

1477
01:03:15,805 --> 01:03:19,365
I have a desk over here where
I do my more intense study

1478
01:03:19,945 --> 01:03:21,525
and my scriptures are open

1479
01:03:21,545 --> 01:03:23,885
and it's almost like my
scriptures are mocking me, right?

1480
01:03:23,885 --> 01:03:25,205
Like, Hey, Kurt,

1481
01:03:25,315 --> 01:03:27,925
like you haven't done your
scripture study yet today.

1482
01:03:28,465 --> 01:03:29,765
Oh, it's been another day.

1483
01:03:29,915 --> 01:03:32,285
It's been two days since you've
done your scripture study.

1484
01:03:32,345 --> 01:03:35,205
And at this point, I'm just,
I couldn't figure it out.

1485
01:03:35,375 --> 01:03:37,485
There was just a void in my heart when it

1486
01:03:37,485 --> 01:03:38,645
came to scripture study.

1487
01:03:38,985 --> 01:03:40,525
I'd even try and sit down and read,

1488
01:03:40,525 --> 01:03:42,125
and they were just words on a page.

1489
01:03:42,285 --> 01:03:43,965
I, I don't know if you can relate to,

1490
01:03:43,965 --> 01:03:45,725
if you've ever had similar experience.

1491
01:03:45,785 --> 01:03:50,365
So there I am, just sort of
conflicted with, ah, man, I feel

1492
01:03:50,365 --> 01:03:53,765
so bad because I'm supposed to
read my scriptures every day.

1493
01:03:53,765 --> 01:03:55,605
Like that's what good
latter day saints do.

1494
01:03:55,865 --> 01:03:58,285
And I'm a good latter day
saint, right? Identity.

1495
01:03:58,385 --> 01:03:59,605
You hear the adversary's voice.

1496
01:04:00,025 --> 01:04:01,565
That's what good latter day saints do.

1497
01:04:01,665 --> 01:04:04,045
And if I'm gonna be a good
latter saint, I better check

1498
01:04:04,045 --> 01:04:07,325
that box or else, man, if I
go another day, I'm gonna feel

1499
01:04:07,345 --> 01:04:09,885
so bad and I'm not reading my scriptures.

1500
01:04:10,585 --> 01:04:13,645
But I later found out that
God actually removed the joy

1501
01:04:13,645 --> 01:04:14,885
of scripture study from me

1502
01:04:14,885 --> 01:04:16,725
for a time in order to teach me a lesson.

1503
01:04:16,995 --> 01:04:18,365
Because a few weeks later,

1504
01:04:18,365 --> 01:04:20,405
after this experience, I'm sitting in a,

1505
01:04:20,785 --> 01:04:22,085
in a leadership conference,

1506
01:04:22,565 --> 01:04:23,805
a Christian leadership conference,

1507
01:04:23,905 --> 01:04:25,925
and they have some great
Christian music going, uh,

1508
01:04:25,925 --> 01:04:26,925
before they start the session.

1509
01:04:27,265 --> 01:04:28,685
And I'm just sitting there

1510
01:04:29,265 --> 01:04:32,645
and this, uh, dynamic,
this, uh, this experience,

1511
01:04:32,645 --> 01:04:36,165
this circumstance comes to my
mind why it's so hard for me

1512
01:04:36,165 --> 01:04:37,165
to study my scriptures.

1513
01:04:37,205 --> 01:04:39,605
I, and I feel the shame of
it. I feel the guilt of it.

1514
01:04:39,605 --> 01:04:41,765
Just like, ugh, I know I,

1515
01:04:42,045 --> 01:04:43,445
I gotta do better with scripture study.

1516
01:04:43,465 --> 01:04:45,365
And for some reason I just can't get into

1517
01:04:45,365 --> 01:04:46,685
the scriptures, right?

1518
01:04:47,225 --> 01:04:50,045
And in the moment, something
so precious happened to me.

1519
01:04:50,805 --> 01:04:53,365
'cause I heard in my,
in my mind this phrase,

1520
01:04:54,025 --> 01:04:55,405
you could never read your scriptures

1521
01:04:55,405 --> 01:04:56,965
again and I'd still love you.

1522
01:04:57,425 --> 01:04:58,565
And then it came a second time,

1523
01:04:58,705 --> 01:05:00,925
you could never read
your scriptures again.

1524
01:05:01,385 --> 01:05:04,525
And I'd still love you because
here I was still in this,

1525
01:05:04,595 --> 01:05:05,805
this shame cycle, right?

1526
01:05:05,825 --> 01:05:07,245
And it happens to all of us.

1527
01:05:07,775 --> 01:05:10,485
These lessons, these doctrines
aren't just for the, the,

1528
01:05:10,505 --> 01:05:13,005
the addict, the person
that's can't handle life

1529
01:05:13,005 --> 01:05:14,645
because he's so addicted to something

1530
01:05:14,705 --> 01:05:16,605
or their marriage is falling apart

1531
01:05:16,605 --> 01:05:19,325
or whatever, whatever is like
this, this happens to all

1532
01:05:19,325 --> 01:05:20,645
of us, this shame cycle.

1533
01:05:21,245 --> 01:05:22,605
I was in that shame cycle.

1534
01:05:23,205 --> 01:05:25,725
I thought God was so like,
yeah, I'm a good boy.

1535
01:05:25,725 --> 01:05:28,245
I've got my temple recommend.
I'm doing these things right?

1536
01:05:28,425 --> 01:05:31,405
I'm doing my best, but
God's so disappointed in me

1537
01:05:31,405 --> 01:05:32,725
that I'm not reading my scriptures.

1538
01:05:32,725 --> 01:05:34,165
And it really hurt, right?

1539
01:05:34,905 --> 01:05:37,805
But in that moment, he connected with me.

1540
01:05:38,225 --> 01:05:40,165
He said, Kurt, I'm not
disappointed in you.

1541
01:05:40,745 --> 01:05:42,365
You could never read
your scriptures again,

1542
01:05:42,365 --> 01:05:43,445
and I'd still love you.

1543
01:05:44,205 --> 01:05:47,445
I actually want you to
read your scriptures,

1544
01:05:47,445 --> 01:05:49,005
but not so that you can check a box

1545
01:05:49,025 --> 01:05:50,325
and feel like you've earned my love.

1546
01:05:51,085 --> 01:05:53,365
I want you to go to the scriptures so

1547
01:05:53,365 --> 01:05:55,525
that we can have a
relationship together so

1548
01:05:55,525 --> 01:05:59,965
that we can connect, so that
our hearts can connect, right?

1549
01:06:00,465 --> 01:06:02,405
So in the moment, like
the God was teaching me

1550
01:06:02,405 --> 01:06:04,085
that it's not about your behavior.

1551
01:06:04,965 --> 01:06:07,525
I want your heart. And
once I have your heart,

1552
01:06:08,025 --> 01:06:09,285
you won't be able to do anything else

1553
01:06:09,345 --> 01:06:10,805
but good behavior, right?

1554
01:06:11,345 --> 01:06:12,685
You won't even have a desire

1555
01:06:12,685 --> 01:06:14,445
to sin like it talks about in Mosiah.

1556
01:06:14,865 --> 01:06:16,365
And that's what I feel
like it's been like.

1557
01:06:16,365 --> 01:06:19,245
Now, my scripture study is
completely a different world.

1558
01:06:20,045 --> 01:06:22,605
I just, I love my scripture study

1559
01:06:22,605 --> 01:06:24,805
because it's not about
studying the scriptures or,

1560
01:06:25,025 --> 01:06:26,525
or checking the box, but it's about,

1561
01:06:26,955 --> 01:06:30,165
it's about worshiping him and
connecting with him, right?

1562
01:06:30,705 --> 01:06:33,205
So this is a phrase that I
want you to, to think about.

1563
01:06:33,625 --> 01:06:35,965
You could fill in the
blank, whatever it is.

1564
01:06:36,385 --> 01:06:38,485
You could look at pornography
the rest of your life.

1565
01:06:39,025 --> 01:06:40,845
You could, uh, never go to church again.

1566
01:06:41,305 --> 01:06:43,885
You could, uh, have a diet coke
habit the rest of your life.

1567
01:06:43,985 --> 01:06:46,125
You could never go to the temple again,

1568
01:06:46,185 --> 01:06:48,805
or you could never want
to go to the temple again.

1569
01:06:48,805 --> 01:06:51,565
And I'd still love you, right?

1570
01:06:52,065 --> 01:06:55,165
You see how that message touches
the heart, that no matter

1571
01:06:55,165 --> 01:06:56,565
what you do, he will still love you.

1572
01:06:57,025 --> 01:06:59,325
And it's important, you
know that as many times

1573
01:06:59,345 --> 01:07:01,285
as it takes, I'm gonna be right here.

1574
01:07:01,945 --> 01:07:05,165
I'm gonna be right here encouraging
you to take those steps.

1575
01:07:05,745 --> 01:07:07,205
I'm be right here changing your heart.

1576
01:07:07,625 --> 01:07:09,765
And when you do that, you'll,

1577
01:07:09,785 --> 01:07:12,165
the behaviors will come and it'll be okay.

1578
01:07:12,265 --> 01:07:13,605
But you, you feel the hope.

1579
01:07:13,795 --> 01:07:16,085
Like if that message
came from a bishop or a,

1580
01:07:16,425 --> 01:07:19,005
or a, uh, loved one, it doesn't matter

1581
01:07:19,025 --> 01:07:20,285
how many times you relapse,

1582
01:07:20,465 --> 01:07:21,765
you know, I'm still gonna be here.

1583
01:07:21,905 --> 01:07:23,125
I'm still gonna love you. Sure,

1584
01:07:23,125 --> 01:07:24,605
there's gonna be some boundaries, right?

1585
01:07:25,035 --> 01:07:27,085
Sure. We're gonna approach
this a different way,

1586
01:07:27,145 --> 01:07:30,085
but that doesn't change anything
about how I feel about you,

1587
01:07:30,465 --> 01:07:32,685
how I identify you in my mind,

1588
01:07:32,745 --> 01:07:35,165
and how you should identify
yourself in your own mind.

1589
01:07:35,555 --> 01:07:36,965
Love this quote by CS Lewis.

1590
01:07:37,465 --> 01:07:39,605
The Christian does not
think God will love us

1591
01:07:39,605 --> 01:07:42,405
because we are good, but
that God will make us good

1592
01:07:42,515 --> 01:07:43,725
because he loves us.

1593
01:07:44,505 --> 01:07:46,685
The Christian does not
think God will love us

1594
01:07:46,685 --> 01:07:48,405
because we are good, but

1595
01:07:48,405 --> 01:07:50,525
that God will make us
good because he loves us.

1596
01:07:51,225 --> 01:07:55,645
That's the message of
redemption, of life, of returning

1597
01:07:55,645 --> 01:07:57,245
to him, of sanctification.

1598
01:07:57,865 --> 01:08:00,165
We don't have to justify our behaviors so

1599
01:08:00,165 --> 01:08:01,165
that we can be sanctified.

1600
01:08:01,585 --> 01:08:04,845
Christ has already
justified our behaviors so

1601
01:08:04,845 --> 01:08:06,405
that we can be sanctified.

1602
01:08:06,945 --> 01:08:09,805
That's the beauty of this
gospel, of this doctrine.

1603
01:08:10,385 --> 01:08:12,365
In closing, I want to
talk about this scripture.

1604
01:08:12,865 --> 01:08:16,005
If you love me, keep my
commandments John 1416.

1605
01:08:16,475 --> 01:08:20,045
It's so easy to feel, I
mean, read incorrectly.

1606
01:08:20,125 --> 01:08:22,205
I think this can be a very
shaming scripture, right?

1607
01:08:22,205 --> 01:08:24,085
Like the adversary wants us to read this

1608
01:08:24,105 --> 01:08:26,005
and say, I thought you loved God.

1609
01:08:26,685 --> 01:08:28,605
Hmm, but you keep messing up, don't you?

1610
01:08:28,845 --> 01:08:30,885
I guess you don't love
God. And I guess God knows

1611
01:08:30,885 --> 01:08:32,285
that you don't love God because you don't

1612
01:08:32,285 --> 01:08:33,405
keep his commandments.

1613
01:08:34,045 --> 01:08:37,205
Hmm. Well, I see this, I
interpret this a different way.

1614
01:08:37,505 --> 01:08:39,245
And there's a great movie.

1615
01:08:39,355 --> 01:08:40,845
It's actually in the resources,

1616
01:08:41,405 --> 01:08:43,205
a great movie called Heart of Man.

1617
01:08:43,345 --> 01:08:45,565
And here's a, a quick screenshot from it.

1618
01:08:45,955 --> 01:08:47,245
It's basically the parable

1619
01:08:47,245 --> 01:08:48,765
of the prodigal son that they go through.

1620
01:08:49,105 --> 01:08:50,285
But they do what these characters,

1621
01:08:50,285 --> 01:08:52,045
and I love the actor, they used

1622
01:08:52,105 --> 01:08:53,525
to represent our father in heaven.

1623
01:08:53,755 --> 01:08:55,405
Here he is so loving,

1624
01:08:55,505 --> 01:09:00,285
and he actually, in this parable,
he puts together a violin.

1625
01:09:00,745 --> 01:09:03,805
He constructs a violin, a beautiful violin

1626
01:09:03,805 --> 01:09:05,325
that he makes with his own hands.

1627
01:09:06,025 --> 01:09:09,325
And I want you to show you a
clip about, uh, from this video

1628
01:09:09,325 --> 01:09:12,525
that again, I encourage you
to go check out and rent it

1629
01:09:12,585 --> 01:09:14,285
or, or you can buy it.

1630
01:09:14,365 --> 01:09:16,325
I bought it. I would encourage
you just, just to buy it.

1631
01:09:16,325 --> 01:09:17,765
It's, it's worth the cost.

1632
01:09:17,865 --> 01:09:19,005
And it's an awesome movie

1633
01:09:19,005 --> 01:09:20,725
that I've watched many times
and shared with others.

1634
01:09:21,265 --> 01:09:23,845
But I want, in this clip,
I want you to see, uh,

1635
01:09:24,225 --> 01:09:27,045
the part pay attention
to the violin because,

1636
01:09:27,305 --> 01:09:30,165
and in your mind, think of
the violin as commandments

1637
01:09:30,185 --> 01:09:32,405
and covenants that God has given us.

1638
01:09:32,905 --> 01:09:35,125
And see how God gives these commandments

1639
01:09:35,125 --> 01:09:37,805
and covenants we're the violin to the one

1640
01:09:37,805 --> 01:09:39,765
that he loves, which is all of us,

1641
01:09:49,755 --> 01:09:54,405
- Many of us are still trying
to prove that we are enough

1642
01:09:54,505 --> 01:09:56,645
by the very law that tried to prove

1643
01:09:56,645 --> 01:09:57,765
to us that we're not enough.

1644
01:09:58,635 --> 01:10:00,045
When he calls us a saint,

1645
01:10:00,545 --> 01:10:02,405
he makes an incredible statement about us.

1646
01:10:02,825 --> 01:10:06,765
We are no longer defined
by being a sinner.

1647
01:10:20,585 --> 01:10:21,645
- Hey, podcast listeners.

1648
01:10:21,645 --> 01:10:23,605
Uh, this clip doesn't
really translate well

1649
01:10:23,605 --> 01:10:25,165
to, uh, just the audio.

1650
01:10:25,305 --> 01:10:26,805
And I don't know if you're listening

1651
01:10:26,805 --> 01:10:27,925
to podcasts, it's just audio.

1652
01:10:28,345 --> 01:10:30,845
I'm going to link to this
video clip in the show

1653
01:10:30,845 --> 01:10:31,925
notes if you wanna watch it.

1654
01:10:31,985 --> 01:10:35,525
But just to give you context
in this video, it shows a man,

1655
01:10:35,605 --> 01:10:38,445
a father who's made this
violin for their son.

1656
01:10:38,505 --> 01:10:42,365
And then he is, he gives it
as a precious gift to a son

1657
01:10:42,425 --> 01:10:45,165
and then teaches the son
how to hold the violin,

1658
01:10:45,425 --> 01:10:46,565
how to play the violin.

1659
01:10:46,905 --> 01:10:49,965
And then, then he practices
the violin with the son.

1660
01:10:49,985 --> 01:10:53,285
So I think it's a great
allegory to, uh, our interaction

1661
01:10:53,285 --> 01:10:54,885
with our father in heaven and covenants.

1662
01:10:54,885 --> 01:10:56,325
But you can, again, you can see the,

1663
01:10:56,665 --> 01:10:58,605
see the clip in the show notes.

1664
01:11:01,945 --> 01:11:06,085
So I love the imagery here
that God loves us so much

1665
01:11:06,085 --> 01:11:08,085
that he gave us commandments

1666
01:11:08,085 --> 01:11:09,925
and covenants, he handed it to him.

1667
01:11:09,925 --> 01:11:12,885
And I love that the imagery of
showing us that God showed us

1668
01:11:12,885 --> 01:11:14,885
how to hold them, how
to position 'em right?

1669
01:11:14,885 --> 01:11:17,565
And then he showed us how
to play those commandments

1670
01:11:17,565 --> 01:11:20,805
and covenants so that we
can return to him, right?

1671
01:11:21,195 --> 01:11:23,765
It's not about a list of
rules that you gotta to keep

1672
01:11:23,765 --> 01:11:24,765
or else you're going to hell.

1673
01:11:25,105 --> 01:11:29,405
Now, these are empowering
parts of our mortal experience

1674
01:11:29,405 --> 01:11:32,045
that God's given us to help
us on this difficult journey.

1675
01:11:32,505 --> 01:11:34,565
And when it gets ti when it's difficult,

1676
01:11:34,565 --> 01:11:36,605
we play those even, uh, more loudly.

1677
01:11:36,625 --> 01:11:38,285
And I encourage you to
watch the whole film

1678
01:11:38,285 --> 01:11:41,445
because the way the, the violin plays out

1679
01:11:41,445 --> 01:11:42,525
through all-out this

1680
01:11:42,535 --> 01:11:44,925
where the son becomes
a prodigal son, right?

1681
01:11:44,925 --> 01:11:47,485
And, and leaves, leaves
his father's presence

1682
01:11:47,545 --> 01:11:49,445
and turns towards sin

1683
01:11:50,185 --> 01:11:53,045
and the imagery of the violin in

1684
01:11:53,045 --> 01:11:54,365
that moment, oh, it's so good.

1685
01:11:54,365 --> 01:11:55,445
You gotta, you gotta watch it.

1686
01:11:56,175 --> 01:11:59,195
So the way I see it is that
it's not if you love me,

1687
01:11:59,195 --> 01:12:00,195
keep my commandments.

1688
01:12:00,225 --> 01:12:02,555
It's if you love me, hold
onto my commandments.

1689
01:12:02,865 --> 01:12:05,195
I've given you these tools in order

1690
01:12:05,195 --> 01:12:08,835
to help you survive mortality
and to become sanctified

1691
01:12:08,895 --> 01:12:11,315
and connect with me when
you play your violin.

1692
01:12:11,735 --> 01:12:13,075
I'm gonna play my violin.

1693
01:12:13,265 --> 01:12:14,515
When you keep your commandments,

1694
01:12:14,695 --> 01:12:16,155
I'm gonna keep the commandments too.

1695
01:12:16,265 --> 01:12:18,275
When you go to the temple
and renew covenants,

1696
01:12:18,455 --> 01:12:19,635
I'm gonna renew covenants, right?

1697
01:12:19,635 --> 01:12:22,995
Like it's this relationship
with the eternal maker,

1698
01:12:22,995 --> 01:12:24,315
with the eternal God.

1699
01:12:24,735 --> 01:12:26,075
He gave us commandments.

1700
01:12:26,375 --> 01:12:28,035
Not so that he can beat this with them,

1701
01:12:28,335 --> 01:12:29,715
but that, that we can play them

1702
01:12:29,935 --> 01:12:32,635
and connect with them
on deeper, deeper level.

1703
01:12:33,095 --> 01:12:36,435
And even this word keep, here's
a great, a great scripture

1704
01:12:36,495 --> 01:12:37,675
as far as keep.

1705
01:12:37,975 --> 01:12:40,755
And they who keep their first
estate shall be added upon.

1706
01:12:40,975 --> 01:12:42,635
And they who keep not their first estate,

1707
01:12:42,635 --> 01:12:45,115
shall not have glory in
the same kingdom with those

1708
01:12:45,115 --> 01:12:46,955
who keep their first estate.

1709
01:12:47,175 --> 01:12:49,795
And they who keep their second
estate shall have glory added

1710
01:12:50,185 --> 01:12:51,595
upon their heads forever and ever.

1711
01:12:51,795 --> 01:12:54,995
I just love the context in
which this word keep has, right?

1712
01:12:55,375 --> 01:12:57,235
You already have it, right?

1713
01:12:57,335 --> 01:12:59,675
The first estate is already yours.

1714
01:13:00,305 --> 01:13:02,795
Keep my commandments,
hold on to my commandments

1715
01:13:03,135 --> 01:13:04,315
so that it can be yours.

1716
01:13:04,695 --> 01:13:07,035
Here's another one,
doctrine incumbents 78 18.

1717
01:13:07,175 --> 01:13:10,755
And you shall bear all
things now nevertheless be

1718
01:13:10,755 --> 01:13:13,075
of good cheer for I will lead you along.

1719
01:13:13,335 --> 01:13:17,275
The kingdom is yours and the
blessings there of are yours

1720
01:13:17,295 --> 01:13:19,755
and the riches of eternity are yours.

1721
01:13:20,695 --> 01:13:23,995
You already have it. You
already have the kingdom.

1722
01:13:24,425 --> 01:13:27,515
It's yours. He's given it to us right now.

1723
01:13:27,785 --> 01:13:30,315
It's easy to say, well, I
don't know about that, Kurt.

1724
01:13:30,475 --> 01:13:32,195
I mean, uh, we gotta sort of, you know,

1725
01:13:32,195 --> 01:13:34,235
keep the commandments and
do these good behaviors.

1726
01:13:34,315 --> 01:13:36,315
I get what you're saying.
In theory, it's, it's cute

1727
01:13:36,315 --> 01:13:39,195
and all, but no, you gotta
keep the rules right,

1728
01:13:39,195 --> 01:13:40,595
because that's how you get back to heaven.

1729
01:13:41,495 --> 01:13:43,755
And I think this is a rebuking chapter

1730
01:13:44,055 --> 01:13:47,235
or a rebuking verse in Alma 33 16.

1731
01:13:47,295 --> 01:13:49,675
For behold, he said,
thou our angry oh Lord,

1732
01:13:49,675 --> 01:13:52,355
with this people because
they will not understand thy

1733
01:13:52,355 --> 01:13:54,675
mercies, which they
have bestowed upon them

1734
01:13:54,675 --> 01:13:57,435
because of I son think how
frustrating it would be

1735
01:13:58,215 --> 01:14:00,515
to send your son here to die.

1736
01:14:00,515 --> 01:14:03,395
And, and he, uh, suffers through the sins

1737
01:14:03,395 --> 01:14:05,075
and crucified for all of us

1738
01:14:05,695 --> 01:14:08,475
and offers grace to us
through that atoning sacrifice

1739
01:14:09,055 --> 01:14:10,155
and we don't understand it.

1740
01:14:10,465 --> 01:14:11,725
That would be be very frustrating.

1741
01:14:11,725 --> 01:14:13,805
It would make me angry for sure, right?

1742
01:14:14,305 --> 01:14:16,365
And this is that what it's
talking about in Alma,

1743
01:14:16,635 --> 01:14:19,325
that thou our angrier
Lord, because we missed it.

1744
01:14:19,345 --> 01:14:20,725
We don't understand your mercies.

1745
01:14:20,745 --> 01:14:21,885
We don't understand your grace.

1746
01:14:22,505 --> 01:14:24,925
So if you love me, keep my commandments.

1747
01:14:25,315 --> 01:14:26,845
That scripture's so empowering

1748
01:14:26,845 --> 01:14:28,525
and loving to me that it pulls me out

1749
01:14:28,525 --> 01:14:30,485
of the every shame cycle I fall into

1750
01:14:30,595 --> 01:14:31,845
when I'm in that shame cycle.

1751
01:14:32,105 --> 01:14:33,925
And the adversary starts to get me

1752
01:14:33,925 --> 01:14:35,485
to identify myself differently

1753
01:14:35,755 --> 01:14:37,805
through the shame he is constantly

1754
01:14:37,805 --> 01:14:39,205
causing through contention.

1755
01:14:39,685 --> 01:14:41,645
I think to, if you love
me, keep my commandments.

1756
01:14:41,925 --> 01:14:43,485
I remember that God's
given me commandments

1757
01:14:43,485 --> 01:14:45,925
and covenants to become like him

1758
01:14:46,465 --> 01:14:48,645
and to play that, those covenants, to play

1759
01:14:48,645 --> 01:14:49,845
that violin when I need 'em.

1760
01:14:49,845 --> 01:14:53,605
Most, of course, famous scripture
in Romans 8 38 through 39,

1761
01:14:53,625 --> 01:14:56,685
for I'm persuaded that neither
death nor life nor angels

1762
01:14:56,685 --> 01:14:59,125
nor principalities, nor power, nor powers,

1763
01:14:59,125 --> 01:15:01,325
nor things present, nor
things to come, nor height,

1764
01:15:01,345 --> 01:15:03,525
nor depth, nor any other
creature shall be able

1765
01:15:03,525 --> 01:15:07,205
to separate us from the love
of God, which is Christ Jesus.

1766
01:15:07,485 --> 01:15:09,885
R Lord, he loves us so much.

1767
01:15:10,585 --> 01:15:14,085
He will never, ever, ever
be disappointed in you ever.

1768
01:15:14,865 --> 01:15:17,045
And my prayer is that when individuals go

1769
01:15:17,045 --> 01:15:19,925
to the bishop's office, that
that's the message they feel.

1770
01:15:20,505 --> 01:15:22,725
Tim, John, Billy, Susie, Ann,

1771
01:15:23,525 --> 01:15:25,525
Patricia, I know it hurts.

1772
01:15:26,055 --> 01:15:27,565
God's not disappointed in you.

1773
01:15:28,345 --> 01:15:30,805
He expects you to, to make these, uh,

1774
01:15:31,125 --> 01:15:32,205
decisions from time to time.

1775
01:15:32,225 --> 01:15:35,605
And that's why the plan is
repentance. That is his gospel.

1776
01:15:36,275 --> 01:15:38,765
That is his gospel. And
I love the scripture

1777
01:15:38,765 --> 01:15:40,165
that I've read completely different.

1778
01:15:40,165 --> 01:15:44,325
Just a few days ago, Luke 1520
of the prodigal son, right?

1779
01:15:44,715 --> 01:15:47,965
Parable of the prodigal
son, he says, and he arose

1780
01:15:48,025 --> 01:15:49,045
and came to his father.

1781
01:15:49,585 --> 01:15:53,045
But when he was yet a great
way off, his father saw him

1782
01:15:53,345 --> 01:15:55,085
and had compassion and ran

1783
01:15:55,505 --> 01:15:57,725
and fell on his neck and kissed him.

1784
01:15:58,345 --> 01:16:01,085
And that phrase I've
underlined there, he arose

1785
01:16:01,785 --> 01:16:04,365
and his father had
compassion on him when he was

1786
01:16:04,465 --> 01:16:05,765
yet a great way off.

1787
01:16:06,565 --> 01:16:09,405
I remember as a bishop,
individuals come in

1788
01:16:09,405 --> 01:16:12,245
and in my mind, I think, boy in my mortal

1789
01:16:13,195 --> 01:16:16,645
mind just thinking this guy is messed up.

1790
01:16:17,275 --> 01:16:19,765
Like he's, why is he
making these decisions?

1791
01:16:19,875 --> 01:16:20,885
Doesn't he get it?

1792
01:16:21,565 --> 01:16:23,685
I mean, come on, get your
life together, right?

1793
01:16:24,225 --> 01:16:25,605
And sometimes I'd punish them

1794
01:16:25,605 --> 01:16:28,565
and with spiritual timeouts
for taking recommends

1795
01:16:28,565 --> 01:16:31,845
or restricting sacrament and
and tell you understand, right?

1796
01:16:31,915 --> 01:16:34,125
Like that was the message I was sending.

1797
01:16:34,545 --> 01:16:36,085
But if we could show compassion,

1798
01:16:36,555 --> 01:16:40,245
even when they are a great
way off, even when they're

1799
01:16:40,245 --> 01:16:42,245
so far away from the
standards of the church,

1800
01:16:42,585 --> 01:16:43,965
we still show compassion.

1801
01:16:44,385 --> 01:16:46,885
We love them and we say,
you're in the right place.

1802
01:16:47,475 --> 01:16:48,725
This is the dentist's office.

1803
01:16:48,795 --> 01:16:50,245
This isn't a principal's office.

1804
01:16:50,795 --> 01:16:51,925
This is the dentist's office.

1805
01:16:51,985 --> 01:16:54,445
And and this is where you're
gonna meet a loving savior.

1806
01:16:54,865 --> 01:16:57,245
And I hope for a moment I
could be that representative

1807
01:16:57,245 --> 01:17:00,325
to you as your bishop or
as your, as your parent or,

1808
01:17:00,345 --> 01:17:03,085
or loved one that he has saved you.

1809
01:17:03,545 --> 01:17:05,325
He offers nothing but redemption.

1810
01:17:05,715 --> 01:17:07,685
Yeah, you're gonna figure
out these behaviors,

1811
01:17:08,065 --> 01:17:09,895
but let's first figure out your heart.

1812
01:17:10,505 --> 01:17:12,495
Let's pull you after
out of the shame cycle

1813
01:17:12,495 --> 01:17:14,975
through the doctrines that are true

1814
01:17:14,995 --> 01:17:17,415
and bold, that you can overcome this.

1815
01:17:17,995 --> 01:17:20,375
And once you get your heart
right with the doctrines,

1816
01:17:20,875 --> 01:17:22,055
the behaviors will come.

1817
01:17:22,275 --> 01:17:24,295
Not because you feel like
you're supposed to do 'em

1818
01:17:24,295 --> 01:17:26,735
or should do 'em, but that
you wanna do nothing else

1819
01:17:27,325 --> 01:17:29,255
because it's how you connect with God.

1820
01:17:29,725 --> 01:17:32,135
It's how you live, uh, become like him

1821
01:17:32,355 --> 01:17:34,815
and strengthen those spiritual muscles so

1822
01:17:34,815 --> 01:17:37,415
that you can be sanctified
through his atonement.

1823
01:17:37,915 --> 01:17:41,255
As I ask everybody in, uh,
as we, we end a session,

1824
01:17:41,415 --> 01:17:43,695
I always ask the people
that have been part of this,

1825
01:17:44,325 --> 01:17:47,215
what encouragement would
you have for leaders,

1826
01:17:47,395 --> 01:17:48,455
for loved ones out there?

1827
01:17:49,075 --> 01:17:50,775
And I just want to just encourage you

1828
01:17:50,775 --> 01:17:53,535
that you bless your heart for looking

1829
01:17:53,555 --> 01:17:54,855
for resources like this.

1830
01:17:55,235 --> 01:17:57,135
And I'm not saying this
is a perfect resource,

1831
01:17:57,275 --> 01:17:59,655
but man, we're, we're
trying as a community

1832
01:17:59,655 --> 01:18:00,975
to gather some information together.

1833
01:18:01,755 --> 01:18:04,335
And you may agree with some
of it, disagree with others,

1834
01:18:04,395 --> 01:18:06,495
but all you just sure
hope is making you think.

1835
01:18:06,955 --> 01:18:09,615
And so bless your heart for reaching out

1836
01:18:09,615 --> 01:18:10,815
and finding resources.

1837
01:18:11,095 --> 01:18:13,415
'cause I know how much you
wanna save that person.

1838
01:18:13,875 --> 01:18:16,055
You wanna help 'em, you wanna figure out

1839
01:18:16,075 --> 01:18:18,495
how you can guide them down
a path that's gonna lead them

1840
01:18:18,915 --> 01:18:20,095
to recovery.

1841
01:18:20,995 --> 01:18:23,055
And I promise you that you can do it.

1842
01:18:23,555 --> 01:18:27,895
The savior can do it through
you, but he is the savior.

1843
01:18:28,115 --> 01:18:30,335
You're not the savior, he's the savior.

1844
01:18:30,915 --> 01:18:32,975
And it's gonna happen. He's gonna be there

1845
01:18:32,995 --> 01:18:35,895
by their side playing that
violin as long as it takes.

1846
01:18:36,595 --> 01:18:39,655
He never loses hope. He's
never disappointed with them.

1847
01:18:40,035 --> 01:18:43,295
And hopefully we can follow
that pattern ourselves.

1848
01:18:53,885 --> 01:18:55,575
Alright, that concludes this episode.

1849
01:18:55,575 --> 01:18:57,015
If you're interested in learning more

1850
01:18:57,015 --> 01:18:59,975
or hearing more of sessions
from this virtual conference,

1851
01:18:59,975 --> 01:19:03,775
you, you can actually go to
leading saints.org/fourteen

1852
01:19:03,995 --> 01:19:05,015
and gain access

1853
01:19:05,075 --> 01:19:07,815
to the full Liberating
Saints virtual conference.

1854
01:19:07,955 --> 01:19:10,695
And it is, it is phenomenal.
It's worth a a listen for sure.

1855
01:19:11,235 --> 01:19:13,775
And again, if you want to check
out the finished product of,

1856
01:19:13,775 --> 01:19:15,495
of this book, is God disappointed to me,

1857
01:19:15,935 --> 01:19:17,655
removing shame from a gospel of grace.

1858
01:19:18,275 --> 01:19:21,175
You can, uh, go to Amazon
or your local Costco

1859
01:19:21,315 --> 01:19:22,495
and check it out.

1860
01:19:43,835 --> 01:19:47,095
- It came as a result of
the position of leadership,

1861
01:19:47,105 --> 01:19:50,975
which was imposed upon
us by the God of Heaven,

1862
01:19:51,075 --> 01:19:54,175
who brought forth a
restoration of the gospel

1863
01:19:54,315 --> 01:19:55,775
of Jesus Christ.

1864
01:19:56,435 --> 01:20:00,015
And when the Declaration
was made concerning the own

1865
01:20:00,115 --> 01:20:01,175
and only true

1866
01:20:01,195 --> 01:20:03,775
and living church upon
the face of the earth,

1867
01:20:04,515 --> 01:20:07,895
we were immediately put in
a position of loneliness.

1868
01:20:08,115 --> 01:20:09,735
The loneliness of leadership

1869
01:20:10,445 --> 01:20:13,375
from which we cannot shrink nor run away.

1870
01:20:14,635 --> 01:20:18,535
And to which we must face
up with boldness and courage

1871
01:20:19,395 --> 01:20:20,015
and ability.