Hey, humans. How's it going? Susan Ruth here.
Thanks for listening to another episode
of Hey, Human podcast.
This is episode 424,
and my guest is Vex Bennett.
Vex is neurodivergent
on the autism spectrum
with OSDD,
which is other specified
dissociative
disorder,
and is a host of a system of
alters.
Vex is also a Therian. Therians identify
as a non human animal or animals while
knowing they are human,
but relating spiritually,
psychologically, and or emotionally to the essence
or behaviors of the animal.
Therians are not furries. That's a big misconception.
I had a lovely conversation with Vex and
learned a whole lot. It was interesting also
because I grew up in a family that
had complicated emotional
stuff going on, and
Vex as well has complicated emotional stuff going
on. And I think it's important
to hear these stories because,
you know, the world is made up of
all sorts of people. And
the more we know about each other, the
better off we'll all be. It brings us
into a place of empathy and humanity
and compassion.
And Vex is is lovely, and I really,
really enjoyed the conversation.
General Stuff, Hey Human Podcast, is now on
YouTube under official Susan Ruth. There's other videos
on there as well of me performing and
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Alright. Thank you for listening. Be well. Be
kind.
Be love.
Here we go.
Vex Bennett, welcome to Hey Human.
Hi. It's so good to be here. Thank
you so much for inviting me on. It
was the last thing I expected.
Well, expect the unexpected.
True. True.
I saw one of your posts. I'm trying
to remember now if it was on Instagram
or TikTok,
but I was intrigued by your story, and
I thought, well,
I'm gonna reach out. We'll see what happens
next. So I'm so glad you're here. Where
are you from? What shaped you as you
were growing up? I am from California.
I grew up in a suburban area. Growing
up, I lived with my mom and my
dad and my older sister.
I went to
pretty much just, like, a normal school. I
grew up with some close friends who live
nearby.
I was in, like, a weird social clique.
The neurodivergent
children who, you know, weren't diagnosed for anything
but very much had something going on, we
all kind of gravitated towards each other. We
were a tight knit group, moved around a
lot, didn't really stay in one place for
more than 4 years. Military family or
Oh, no. We were just renting houses left
and right. I'm not sure why we didn't
buy some place and settle down. Probably just
money issues, but we weren't poor or anything.
We were very comfortable.
And as, we went into high school, unfortunately,
my parents did split up. Well, middle school
then into high school, parents split up. So,
it was a bit rough having to adjust
to that, go back and forth. I did
end up finding a different group of friends.
I'm still in touch with some of my
elementary school friends,
but it was a big adjustment.
I struggled with mental health a lot
and identity.
Nowadays, I feel like I'm at a point
in my life where I kind of know
who I am more or less, and I'm
happy with it.
Yeah. I mean, and we all have room
to grow. I've I feel like I'm a
different person than I was when I was
a teenager, for sure. I'm a different person
than in my twenties and so on and
so on.
And,
I mean, the space to grow into who
we are is so important, to have gentleness
with oneself.
Absolutely. I was very fortunate that,
I have a family that supports me, wholeheartedly
and kinda knew I was gay before I
even came out. So
they kinda saw that coming, so they knew
what to prepare for.
Sure.
I imagine the anxiety around telling people who
already know is is really trippy because Oh,
yeah. They're they've just been waiting, but they
have to give you space
to to come to your own decision about
it. Essentially, yeah. I remember coming out to
my dad and he said, Oh, I know.
And I was like, What?
I was thrown for a loop to say
the least. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you had
a support system, and you have a support
system that's super important.
Yes. I'm very fortunate. Do you still have
siblings?
I do have an older sister. Yes.
Okay. So, your youngest child, like me?
Yeah, I'm the youngest. I don't look or
sound like it, but I'm 21.
I often get mistaken for a 16 year
old.
Yeah, you could pass through a teenager, for
sure.
Yeah. Another reason why I don't even bother
to drink yet.
I'm curious as you because you said you
were moving around so much and you were
struggling already a little bit with identity and
also just
anyone who falls into the neurodivergent
camp.
It's it's already hard for us to find
tribes. So
how did you go about
doing that? Did you have the wherewithal, in
other words, as a young person to to
be able to handle that? I did not
know I was neurodivergent
until I reached maybe
my
late middle school years.
As a child, I just thought I was
weird and different.
My biggest hyper fixation was books. So, it
was very easy for me to be
pacified if I was handed a chapter book.
But in, in class, I very much struggled
socially and, with sitting still and focusing.
I used to bite through my pencils to
the point where I probably wouldn't be able
to use them. When you struggle like that,
it's easy for the teachers to write you
off as misbehaving.
And when it came to social groups, I
only ever fit in with my little clique
of fellow autistic children.
Yeah. Who understood each other. And
I was very much seen as an outcast
by everybody else.
I wasn't interested in the typical things that
other children my age were.
And as I grew up into
middle school, I started realizing that I was
depressed
and I had severe social anxiety
and general paranoia
to the point where it was physically debilitating.
But
when you aren't aware of that
and you're, you only think that there's something
wrong with you,
you struggle a lot. At the time, it
felt like I didn't have a good support
system
because
I would try to explain to,
my family,
something's wrong with me. I can't focus.
I can't get something done for the life
of me. I can't sit down
and do it. Even if I know it'll
ruin my life if I don't. Having to
try and educate my family on that while
not understanding it myself
made it very difficult. It became hard for
me to reach out to them for any
sort of help, and I was
it felt at the time, like I was
constantly being ridiculed for it, which
looking back now is unfortunate.
I just realized that they didn't know any
more than I did. But in my senior
year of high school, I finally started getting
evaluated for things. I took an autism assessment.
I got diagnosed formally with ADHD, PTSD,
clinical depression, and,
general anxiety.
That's a lot to carry for a kid.
And, I mean, the truth of the matter
is high school and junior high is, in
my personal opinion, hell on Earth.
And we've got all these kids who are
suffering their own kind of anxiety over who
they are or what they're supposed to do,
even the ones that seemingly had it all
together now as adults, we can look back
and go, oh, they were just as messed
up. They were just different messed up.
You know? The kids that are chewing the
pen caps, like myself,
You know, we know now what that look
what that is. You biting your pencil in
half, we know now what what that is.
We didn't even have the benefit a handful
of years ago
to necessarily
connect the dots.
One of the reasons I was excited to
talk with you is because I think we
live in a world
where more and more
humans are disconnected even within their own families.
And, you know, I go out and I
see parents
not talking to their kids at all and
just sort of everyone's on their own devices
or doing their own thing or suffering their
own
private hells.
What would you say
to the parents who have kids
who are struggling or maybe are showing some
sort of sign, but they're not really sure
how to, how to put their finger on
it. What would be some advice to parents?
As somebody who went through that,
I would
my advice would be along the lines of,
if you think that your child is struggling
in a certain way, or if you're worried
that they might be, or if you notice
your child is different,
reach out with your child and talk about
it.
And
because you might get some insight
into the life of your child that you
may not have previously had
and hearing certain struggles, you might think about
it a certain way. Like you like, oh,
my child struggles with paying attention.
They must just need that extra motivation.
That's not always the case. There is more
often than not a neurological
component behind it.
And I realize that for the older generations,
it is
the there's a roadblock there when it comes
to realizing that
because
people don't realize
that it's more probable
than
they think.
Back in the day, the reason that you
didn't
supposedly see as many autistic people is because
they didn't know they were autistic or they
were forced to mask.
Autism I had to explain this to an
older family member of mine a couple years
back. Autism does not only come in the
form of being a nonverbal 5 year old.
There's
different forms of it, and your child may
have a form of autism or ADHD or
some other,
disorder or something going on, some sort of
neurodivergency
that you just
may not expect based on the symptoms that
are shown.
Or you may not recognize them as symptoms.
And to have patience to know that if
you ask your child,
these questions to know that they may not
have the answers or know how to articulate
their feelings yet.
Yes.
I know when I was growing up, I
well, I still am growing up. When do
we ever stop?
But when I was younger,
I struggled articulating how I felt. I turned
to music. I turned to
cosplay. I turned to other forms of, self
expression
and it didn't seem to reach,
deeply for other people.
And I realize now that's because I experienced
the world differently.
Mhmm. So I'll put,
Let's talk a little bit about the complex
PTSD.
Do you feel like
it's tricky enough to navigate this world without
developing
PTSD?
Because, again, especially for somebody in your generation,
I imagine
in my generation, everybody was scared of a
whole lot of stuff.
In your generation,
I think and and mine too. I mean,
we're all connected, obviously. Your problems are are
my generation's problems.
But we're
faster at the exit door leaving behind,
you know, an an yeah. A little bit
of chaos, a lot of chaos. Does that
feed into
your anxiety or are you able to
disconnect from that? Do you think?
Well, your anxiety coupled with complex PTSD.
The anxiety on its own is already
a lot to have to deal with because
I have to explain it in this way.
The anxiety disorder
is like having your flight or fight reaction
always active. And that's a lot to fathom.
The PTSD itself
comes from,
like, it it's actually sourced from something or
a series of events.
So coupled together,
it is a
a load to bear.
Going through the world itself
without PTSD
is already
a lot to handle. I I can't it's
hard for me to articulate it.
You we already, as humans, struggle with, our
own internal feelings and how we're perceived
and,
figuring out who we are.
And with something like PTSD,
stopping oneself
from expressing themselves, from
existing as themselves, or doing certain things as
simple as leaving the house or wearing what
you want to wear
out of fear of a certain event coming
back,
it's
it can be hell on earth.
You just have to learn how to handle
it, and it doesn't make life any easier
to, have those
it doesn't fix anything is what I'm trying
to say, to have certain coping mechanisms or
to go through
expecting
what's going to happen, but it can make
it more manageable at the very least.
That makes sense. I saw on I think
it might have been on your
Instagram that you had put, you're part of
a system,
a dissociative disorder system.
Are you
do you have a
a personality disorder, or do you have
what does that mean? Because I know there's
a bazillion different things that we have there's
so much to know. Yeah. OSDD
is Otherwise Specified Dissociation Disorder.
OSDD
does fall under the DID umbrella, which is
dissociative identity disorder,
which was previously
categorized as a multiple personality disorder.
OSDD
is a form of DID
that
is slightly lesser where the effects
are and the symptoms are maybe not as
intense as full blown
associative identity disorder.
However, it is still very prominent and it
is enough to be classified.
My experience with OSDD
as a whole system
has been very complicated.
Up until about a year and a half
ago
was when we started to
do more research into it and accept,
Hey, maybe there is something wrong. We can't
remember huge portions of our life.
We forget faces and names incredibly easily.
We don't
remember
big life events. We don't remember
what we had for breakfast.
And another thing is we're more comfortable
referring to ourself
ourselves as a we
more than anything.
Do you have what you have identified
as,
other I hate to use the board personalities
because I feel like that doesn't really give
a justice to the complexity of it all.
My mother is DID, so I grew up
in a house with that experience course that's
on what they called it again. Yes. Yeah.
There was really
absolutely particular personalities
that would come through.
It seemed like
some of
the characteristics that would come forward, we had
little self awareness of the others.
The thing I would say about that is
that everybody experiences their DID, OSDD, whatever, their
journey differently. There are definitely a lot of
systems to have little awareness to the others.
There are some that are very well aware
and there are some that are in the
middle.
With
our personal experience,
for a majority of our life
with this disorder,
we were not aware of it.
But we started going to therapy, started getting
diagnostic processes done,
and now we are more or less aware
of,
of a good portion of what goes on
in Headspace
and
what happens outside of it. The form of
OSDD that we have, it's the type
where
we do not experience full on blackouts very
often. We more often have grayouts
and the amnesia is still heavily present.
So we're usually aware when a switch happens
or when another we call them alters, when
an alter comes forward or is in co
consciousness.
That being said,
it is difficult because we
don't remember a lot of stuff and
we have kind of a code where we
don't talk about it online.
We
really don't want to get fake claims for
it,
or hated on for it. And
only a handful of close family members really
know about this, but we think it's about
time we come forward with a lot of
speaking about it
even without getting fully into the
the meat of it.
That when you say something like a gray
out, is that
meaning that you have a sense of it,
but so you are aware that there is
an alter doing things,
but you don't have maybe as much control
of it. Is it kind of in that
regard? Or
It is somewhat in that regard.
For us, the gray out typically means that
we're
not present mentally in the moment. We're pretty
aware that an altar is there.
So
when we as as Becks, when me, Becks,
comes back into full consciousness,
we will remember the gist. Like,
usually remember a gist of what happened.
Like, oh, Haruto fronted for a little bit
and talked to somebody.
That's usually all we would really remember.
That's what I mean by gray out is
it's not a full on blackout because we
have a somewhat awareness.
Is there any kind of,
agreement with the alters? Let's say you all
keep a journal to keep the others
in the know, or is there really specifically
some altars like
Vex doesn't get to know him, this is
to protect Vex? Or I mean, I imagine,
as with my mother, there were different ages,
and there were little kids, there were older
men,
There were all sorts going on, and of
and they were very
specific.
And
my mother remembers barely anything ever.
So
and it Yes. It makes me wonder,
you know, wouldn't it be so much simpler
if the altars kept
a log, for example? But I don't know
how much teamwork is going on.
With us, we don't relegate ourselves to always
having a journal to write in to refer
to.
However, some of the alters do prefer to
write. I know,
Judas does prefer art and, writing down poems.
That is, like, kind of a shared interest
with the system is writing things down and
drawing.
I wouldn't say it's a routine that we
have, but every now and then, we'll look
through one of our journals or one of
our sketchbooks and be like, hey. That wasn't
who who did this one? Like, that's a
little
like, that's that's a little strange. Don't remember
this one at all.
Yeah. And we have a,
a thing that we've started to do, actually.
We have started to keep a journal as
of recently that we plan to be consistent
with,
where we start writing in a cipher because
we are very afraid of somebody
finding the journal and reading it who shouldn't
be reading it.
That's another thing that my neurodivergency
does help with is being able to commit
to little things like that. And, I mean,
that makes sense. The the things that you
and
and your alters discuss are private thoughts.
Yes. Yes. They're just sort of manifesting in
a interesting way. How many alters are you
aware of?
Right now, we are aware of 8, including
myself as Vex. Mhmm. Were any of them
nervous about this interview?
Yes. Very much so. There's 2 younger ones
that they go by the nicknames Glass and,
Monster.
Self chosen nicknames, so it's not offensive.
They were very nervous about being on microphone
for a podcast type thing.
Sure. They are usually
the kind that like to just
play outside or read books or color or
do something. So
when it does come to the hobby of,
sitting down and recording something, they get very,
very nervous.
If they are near front for that, they
usually put up a mask and just pretend
to be somebody else.
That makes sense. I mean, it's it is
scary to to talk about things that are
both societally
looked at as as
unsure and uncertain,
and, of course, film
intelligent doesn't help. I think it's getting better,
but I think
in previous eras, it was made to be
this sort of monstrosity
and not the coping mechanism and
that it that it is. So,
Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate that your system is
is here and having this conversation
as I am appreciative of you, Vex. So
I just wanna make sure that they feel
safe. Thank you.
Are you feeling like you are operating as
a team?
Even if your UBECs aren't always aware of
what's going on, do you do feel that?
Yes. It's taken a long time to get
to this point, but we really do feel
like,
at least most of the time, we do
operate as a team.
It's kind of we see it as, like,
a tag out system, tag in, tag out,
even if it's involuntary.
It wasn't always this way. There was a
lot of times when we were going through
high school where it felt like we were
really against each other, and it was like,
I'm gonna do things my way because this
is the best way, and
it wouldn't always be the best way.
How old is your oldest alter?
The oldest alter right now is, like, maybe
mid thirties.
His name is Wulfric.
He's usually a common fronter
as some alters are more, inner self help
rather than in front. Alright. Is your family
supportive of your journey through this?
Not all of them are. There are some
family members that I have not told and
will probably not be showing this podcast to.
I do have a handful of very close
family members that know and are doing their
best to be supportive despite
not knowing much about this. When I've had
conversations
about DID with people to try and explain
as best I can as somebody who grew
up in a family with a member of
the family experiencing this,
I often say, think of it like and
I'm just curious what your opinion of this,
observation is.
Is that I'd say think about it like
you go into a store
and you're let's say you're 40 years old,
and you go into a store and you
see a toy from your childhood,
and you pick it up, and you're immediately
brought back to that feeling of just pure
joy and childlikeness
and all that. Maybe you experience it when
you're out walking on a sunny day and
you see a butterfly.
That feeling
then just manifests into a whole person
is kind of the best way I can
describe it. And the thing is true when
people say, oh, I lost my head, and
I was just so angry, and I said
all these things I didn't mean. And it
wasn't me. Well, it was you because it's
a part of who you are. That's my
best way to kind of help people understand
what it's like.
I really like that. That is a very
good
way of putting it. I never would have
thought of of it to explain it like
that.
The the childhood
example of being, like, thrown back into that
state of mind as to when you were
a child,
that's very
that's very wise, and I think I'm going
to use that going forward describing
that to,
people I'm comfortable telling about this.
In order for us to live our lives
in general, any human being,
we're constantly putting on masks and assuming roles
and being different people, and we change our
attitudes when we put on a different kind
of clothing
even. Yes. Some make us feel more confident,
some more sexy, some more demure, whatever it
is.
Those those feelings that are being elicited, I
feel like are
in the realm of of this sort of
if you can just take 3 more steps
the other way, you'll you'll kind of get
a grasp on it.
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
So tell me about
I wrote this down. Not a furry. It's
a very
Yes. Very important distinction. Let's talk about that.
So you identify,
as part of, would you call it part
of your cosplay or just part of your
identity
as Therion?
Part of myself as Therian.
Therian. Therian. Sorry. I'm saying it wrong. Oh,
it's okay. I will give a very basic
run through of the explanation,
just for the people in the podcast who
are listening. Perfect. A Therian is a person
who
nonphysically
identifies
as 1 or more animals.
This can mean spiritually,
psychologically,
mentally,
or just a strong connection to. And I
would like to specify that the core of
Therianthropy
is knowing and being aware that you are
a human.
There is a very big difference
between having a favorite animal, feeling really connected
to a certain type of animal,
and being a Therian.
Because being a Therian is identifying as that
animal
in a way that is, at least
from my knowledge,
nonphysical.
Is that, do you think, part of
the DID or is that something completely different?
It is something completely different. Although there are
a good number of systems who also identify
as being Therian,
or some other branch of it.
Because in DID, I am aware that there
can be nonhuman alters.
In short, it is
distinct, but they can go hand in hand.
Interesting. And you identify as a Mexican wolf?
Yes. AKA the Kalupo, which is a Mexican
wolf dog. And I do have a second
stereotype, which is barn owl. Those are powerful
creatures.
I agree. Thank you.
How does it feel when you embody the
spirit of those things? That is a good
question. I,
like most Syrians,
get get,
shifts which,
come with getting phantom sets, which
means that at times I can feel like
I have the traits of that certain animal
either mentally or somewhat physically.
Start getting phantom sense, like feeling like I
have fangs or feeling like I have claws
or talons,
ears or a tail.
And it's a very bizarre feeling because you
can move your hand and be like, wait.
There that's not there, but it feels like
it is or it should be. It is
not something that every theory and experiences.
Everybody has their own journey with it,
but mental shifts are another thing. It can
feel very liberating
to
embody the mental state or the spirit of
that animal.
But at times, it's not always fun.
Therianthropy
is not a choice. It is an involuntary
identity.
So
when when I'm out with people or when
with my friends
and I start feeling shifty about something, I
have to really try and shake it and
be like, okay. Now is not the time.
Now is not the time. It's like, let's
put that aside from now, put it in
the box, get back in the box. Well,
when you do feel yourself
becoming
that,
does it actually change how you'll behave out
in in the world at large? It definitely
can and does.
For example, there are times when I have
been out with friends who are unaware of
the full scale of Therianthropy
and the mental shifts.
And like I hear, for example, a dog
barking and that instantly
can sometimes flip a switch and be like,
Oh, okay. I need to do this. Or
it makes me really aware. It shifts how
we act with
around other people. What we tend to do
is get really quiet
and just be like, Okay, just stare at
this. Just stare at this. Feel what you're
feeling, but stare at this. Don't break eye
contact with it. It's like,
that's our form of getting through it.
Getting through a mental shift is just
sit down,
think about it, feel it, and let it
pass the best you can.
And what is the difference between
that and a furry?
A furry does not identify themself as an
animal at all.
A furry is a hobbyist
who
parts participates in the furry culture,
such as making characters that are anthropomorphic
animals or cartoony or sometimes more realistic
that are usually more humanized.
And, a big part of furry culture is,
fursuits
and costumes.
That is something that does overlap with the
theory and community is having, costumes or masks
or, partial stuff like that.
Although
we do have some things in common, we
are not the same community.
And it is worth mentioning that furries can
be Therians and vice versa. You can be
part of both communities as well as just
one.
Have you found your community
as a Therian?
I think that I have. I
don't have any Therian friends in real life
that I can go,
visit and hang out with, unfortunately.
But I have a lot of, people online
that are very supportive of me. I have
close friends that,
support me with it and send me things
like, hey. I saw this and thought of
you, and it's a piece of theory and
media.
So I definitely feel like I found my
little community or my pack, so to speak.
Yes. Yes. I don't know what a bunch
of owls is called.
I'm curious. I'm actually not sure either. I'll
have to I know, like, a group of
crows is a murder. A group of crows
is, has a funny name. I can't remember.
I know that a group of monkeys is
called a congres.
Yes. I love that one.
Yes. I love it. To know all those
so much.
Do do you this is kind of a
weird question, but when you
feel yourself
shifting into that energy,
do you find that other animals respond to
you differently?
I do, actually. Yeah. Okay. Can you talk
about that a little bit? Because I would
think, like, dogs especially.
Yes. I have 2 pet dogs at home.
Their names are Moses and Lucy. They are
very big dog breeds. They are King Corso
Mastiffs. Oh my goodness.
And I've noticed when I have been home
and I've been in my backyard
shifting into that mental state,
they there's a mentality that comes with it
with the dogs. They start to understand and
they're like, Oh, okay. This guy's being more
like a dog now. And my dogs are
quicker to come up to me and, like,
sniff my face and,
run they wanna run around with me. They,
like, come near me with their toys and
drop them at my feet. It's like, hey.
Come play with us. Like, there's a certain
energy shift you don't get
when you're not, like like, spiritually
or mentally in that state with that energy.
When you're presenting as Vex, do you feel
dysmorphic
from the rest of your alters and or
your,
Mexican wolf and or owl?
There can be times like that. The big
term that I like to use for therianthropy
is species dysphoria.
Now, that is a very crazy term to
just throw out there and it puts a
lot of people off, but it's true. There
are definitely times where we sit down and
we we just feel
a little dysmorphic. It's like, I would feel
so much more myself
if there was a tail right now or
if I had feathers right now. I would
look for a tail.
Oh my goodness. Right? Oh my god.
I'm not a Therian or a furry, but
my whole life, my friends can attest to
this. I have always, always wanted a tail
ever since I read Geek Love when I
was in college.
Oh, yes. Yeah. There's always that's what I
like is that there's always common ground with,
people
even if they don't identify with or as
a certain thing. You still can find those
things in common, and I think that's what's
beautiful. I agree. Yeah. I agree. How badass
would it be, though, to have a little
flicking tail,
real long and lean? Oh, yes. Or, like,
a little fuzzy, like a peach fuzz? I
just think it'd be so sexy.
It would be pretty cool. It would definitely
at least for me, it would help boost
my self confidence a little. Even if, you
know, there'd be people who are like, oh,
tail, and they'd pull on it. It's like,
yeah. Whatever.
There'd be less miscommunication, I feel like, because
one of the ways we
understand
the animal kingdom is by the movement of
their tail.
Yes. That is true. And by the ears
and such. Yeah.
Oh, it'd just be so cool.
It would be. Yes.
So when you have all of this going
on in your life, and I'm glad you're
you're doing therapy. I hope that that's that's
helping.
When you've got all this going on in
your life, what does that mean to
how to function
out in the, let's just throw quotes around,
real world?
Well, we have to be very aware of
social cues.
We have to be very aware
that there is a time and place
to show certain parts of yourself.
Unfortunately, that's just the way it is. There's
not going to be people who are always
gonna welcome you with open arms regardless.
That's something that we have struggled with
is there's a time and place to fully
express yourself, and there's a time and place
to keep the lid on it,
so to speak. Mhmm.
Sure. What about things like going out and
making a living? And does that make you
nervous? Is, are there any systems set up
out in the, in the world to help
you with that?
There are indeed,
programs that can help us function and get
a job and get accommodations that we need
going forward. Right now, we have been unemployed
for about 3 years, which sucks
because we are getting
legal benefits.
What that will help us do essentially
is help us
get legal accommodations we need with any job
we go for.
When we do get a job somewhere, they
will have to it'll be on legal paper.
Hey. You need to accommodate Vex for these
things. And these are things you need to
be aware of when you hire Vex.
Is that any job that terminates us for
being mentally ill or having these struggles,
legally, we'll have some issues because
that job, hypothetically, would have hired me going
and knowing that I legally needed it to
be accommodated.
I would imagine though,
from the perspective of an employer,
especially with your entire system, all having their
own
traits and abilities,
that it's almost a bonus getting you.
You know what I mean?
Because you have all these extra things going
on.
I would suppose so. Yeah. Unfortunately,
a lot of,
places
will not see it that way. They will
just look and think, oh, that's a very
unstable person, unpredictable. We shouldn't hire them. Right.
Well, that's why conversations like this are so
important.
I agree. I very, very much agree.
My mom,
when she would change,
there were subtle differences to her face.
She smelled a little different. It it I
don't know. Just I could always tell even
though nobody else in the family seemed to
be as aware of it as myself.
Do you find that your system also has
distinguishing
traits that slightly change you?
Yes. Absolutely. We've had to ask some of
our friends, about this
to
get some clarification.
Wulfric, for example, he's a very as a
very common fronter, we have been told that
when he does front,
our face just kind of, droops a little
bit, becomes more relaxed or melancholy.
Our voice tends to deepen and get a
little less
lively,
and we tend to speak more frankly about
certain things. Just one word responses or
think or or, like, speak very logistically
about things,
than we normally would.
Yeah. Interesting. And we've noticed like, we've we've
been told with a very polar opposite,
altar, Judas,
that when they front, they get very physically
lively. They get bouncy.
Their face brightens up, and they want to
pull people in and just be like, Hey,
let's go do this.
They
tend to just be have very bizarre behavior,
not in a bad way per se, but
more so eccentric and energetic.
It's all quite fascinating. Do you have any
good
resource just for the people who might be
interested in learning more about this? Was there
any kind of book that your family maybe
was given or that will help people understand
it better? We did most of our research
looking into
websites that were written by psychologists
and people who have, this disorder
or branches of it. There isn't a specific
book or anything that we have, gotten to
read,
about it. I would say if anybody at
home is interested in learning more, do not
learn from TikTok. Do not learn
from, social media because
although some things might be true, you are
going to get a handful of things
that
are going to be wrong. You're gonna get
a lot of misinformation.
Please do look into websites that, like I
said, are written by psychiatrists, psychologists,
people that are, very, very much qualified to
speak about these things.
Even though something may be rare, it is
not out of the realm of possibility.
We have been told by people before
that
we, there's no way that we could be
a system because it's rare. And,
that never really made sense to us.
Yeah. My response to that is we don't
know what we don't know until we do
know it.
Exactly. I I love how you phrased that.
Yeah.
I was born with a paralyzed right vocal
cord, and I cannot tell you how many
ENTs, new ones, when I go to them
and I say, I have a paralyzed right
vocal cord, and they say, that's impossible. You
wouldn't be able to speak. And I say,
let's do the camera up the nose trick,
and you will see that it is very
possible and, in fact, a fact.
Indeed. And then those peoples understand that it
isn't impossible because
there are people out there that experience things.
Just because
you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't
exist.
That's such a frustration
for me that that people
say that to you or to anyone.
Yeah. I did have a conversation with a
family member at one point,
that was trying to convince me, like, no.
You are not a system because
it's rare, and there's no way that you
would have another friend who is also a
system.
It was only after meeting this friend of
mine
that we started to, like, really do research
into it and then realize,
hey.
That lines up with a lot of what
we have going on. Not everything per se,
but a lot of it.
And it took a lot of time after
that to even come forth with speaking about
it.
Listen, like, if you are going to try
and find your community
with this magical thing called the Internet, you're
going to find a group of people who
goes through something similar.
Absolutely.
And, again, this is how we find ourselves
is by the mirror of others.
So if you come across somebody that's experiencing
things that you're experiencing,
I mean, that's
to me, that seems like divine intervention to
help you understand yourself.
It definitely did help having a friend
who
was diagnosed with this and
living through it and having someone to talk
to and ask questions to.
In my understanding also of DID,
a traumatic event or series of events
created
the mind deciding it needed to protect
the host. And
once you are taken now I know in
my mother's case,
taking her away from the thing that traumatized
her did not solve the problem.
So I think a lot of people
expect that once you're out of danger,
that somehow you will reintegrate.
But, I mean, I'm here to say that
that doesn't happen as far as my own
personal experience
in my family. Can you speak to that
a little bit? Yes. That does not necessarily
happen.
Being able to fully integrate again is not
something that all systems,
experience. There are,
like, a good portion of systems that never
fully integrate into the one being again.
And although integration usually is seen as the
goal with,
the the system,
it's not always the goal for
certain systems for their own reasons, their own
personal reasons.
Perhaps it can be scary.
Perhaps they're just not able to.
When you are out of the danger zone
with the traumatic event or the series of
traumatic events,
you are correct. It does not just go
away. It does not vanish or disappear. It
is a personality disorder that sticks with you
from then forth.
And
in our case
well,
not every system remembers what their trauma is
or what the series of traumatic events was.
There are definitely some that do or have
an idea of what it was without the
details.
In our case, we know that one of
the big things was sexual assault.
It was sexual assault and
being suicidal
and having,
a lot of
how do I articulate?
Having
an outside
force
that was very demeaning on us. That is
my thoughts on that. Integration is not always
the goal for every system,
but
more often than not, it usually is.
Makes sense. And
as my mother ages, she's
pretty old at this point, she,
doesn't
switch really
as often or
even I've noticed that many of the people
I recognized when I was younger don't seem
to, whether or not they're around, they may
be around, but they don't come forward at
all. Maybe there's less need for the others.
I I don't know, but that's what I'm
assuming.
That definitely could be the case.
I honestly, I wouldn't know. I haven't met
a lot of older systems,
but I I would assume,
as the years go on, there might be
less need or,
most alters may have integrated or have become
inner self help rather than outer self help.
Yeah. It's a good way to put it.
Well, Vex, tell people how they might find
you if they wanna follow you on social
media or are you comfortable with getting that
out there? And if not, that's okay too.
I absolutely am. I am on TikTok as
valorvex75.
I post videos about Therianthropy, crazierness to it,
and sometimes just of me hanging out with
my friends.
I am not active on Instagram, but if
you do wanna follow me, it's the same
thing, valor Vex 75 or just valor Vex.
And as I've said before, we don't really
post about,
the DID or the OSDD stuff. If there's
any otherians out there who want to see
a creator and just get some information on
the identity of it, I do plan to
make more videos about it. And thank you
again, Susan, for having me on here. Bex,
I really appreciate you coming on the show
and being open to talking about your life
and
and getting
just more education out there for the things
that you're experiencing and who you are, and
I'm glad you're in the world navigating it.
I think it's important
to have all different kinds of humans on
the planet. I agree. Yeah. And Therians and
Mexican wolves.
Yeah.
Yep.
So thank you so much. And I do
wanna say for anybody listening, who is struggling
right now with their identity or feeling that
they're out of place in the world, you
are just as valid as anybody else, regardless
of what you're feeling.
And if you
really feel like there's nobody else out there
that's going through what you're going through,
just know that there's always gonna be somebody
who understands, even if it's not on the
full level that you would
really hope for. There's you're always gonna have
common ground with somebody.
Find your tribe, find your group,
and you'll be the happiest you can be.
Well said. Here's here here to that. Thank
you, Vex, and thank you for listening, everybody.
Bye.
Goodbye.
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Bye.