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Hey, humans. How's it going? Susan Ruth here.

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Thanks for listening to another episode

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of Hey, Human podcast.

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This is episode 421,

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and my guest is Nicholas Seidsman.

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Nicholas is a veteran of the Australian Special

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Forces with 3 tours of combat duty. He's

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the founder of Warrior Refit, a foundation that

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advocates for

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and raises money in support of stem cell

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treatment for

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full spectrum regenerative

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intervention

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to improve the quality of life for veterans.

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That's a mouthful, but let me explain.

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After leaving the military, Nick was significantly disabled,

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and through

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extraordinary

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and costly stem cell treatments,

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he found a better quality of life and

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a lot of healing. He said that his

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life changed dramatically with the treatment from,

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quote, operating at a 2 to 4 percent

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of life with only 2 to 3 months

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left to live,

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unquote, to a dramatic upswing of

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70%

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and continually getting better. He says

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he's now capable to live a full active

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life, and

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he really was on the brink of not

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being with us anymore. So it's a major

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deal. Stem cell

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research, there's money going into it, but it's

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really costly to do the treatments. So his

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foundation helps raise money for others

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to get that life saving treatment.

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Really interesting guy, lovely conversation. We talked for

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a long time, actually, before we even hit

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the record button, so

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really nice man and enjoyed that conversation,

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and I think you will too. General Stuff,

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Hey Human Podcast is on YouTube under official

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Susan Ruth. I'm on patreon at susanruthism,

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and we've been doing monthly

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get togethers. We talk about everything from books

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to philosophy

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to where people are from

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to anecdotal

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bits about life in general.

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It's a lot of fun, so sign up

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for Patreon

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and

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and be a part of that.

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I'm now on TikTok at susanruthism,

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s u s a n r u t

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h I s m,

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and check out heyhumanpodcast.com

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for links and to learn more about my

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guests and the show,

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susanruth.com

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to learn more about me and my other

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artistic endeavors,

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and follow susanruthism

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blending the 2

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and and making Hey Human podcast just into

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my Susan Ruthism.

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It's a lot to try and manage all

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these social medias on my own,

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so I think that might be a better

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way to do it, but we'll see what

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happens.

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Find my albums, all my music on Spotify,

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Apple Music, Amazon Music, or wherever,

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Podcast on Itunes,

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Iheart, wherever you get your

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podcasts on Spotify. It's everywhere,

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mostly. I'm sure it's missing some places, but

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let me know, and I'll try and get

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the show on there too.

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Thank you, and

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I appreciate the listens. I appreciate that you're

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sharing,

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in your community with your friends and family,

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and,

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yeah. Take care of yourself. Be well.

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Be loved, and here we go.

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Nicholas

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Seetman, welcome to Hey Human.

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Thanks, Susan. How are you doing? I'm doing

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well. And you're in Paris currently, but you're

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a man of the world. Yes? Apparently, I

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am. Yeah.

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What are you doing in Paris?

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I was just in Cannes Film Festival.

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And then from there, thank god, like, I

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wasn't there forever. Some people are staying 1

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to 2 weeks, and it is it is

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it is it is a lot of socializing.

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Like, it's pretty heavy.

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After 4 days, I'm like, I think I've

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had my fill. But, my brother was in

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Bordeaux

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with his wife and my nephew,

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so and I don't get to see him

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that often. They're in Australia.

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I I rarely go back,

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and I just seize the opportunity to go

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spend a few days in Bordeaux with them

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and then a few days in Paris, and

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now I'm just hanging out in in Paris.

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Party? You speak French?

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Yeah. Generally.

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Not perfect, but I'm getting there. Yeah. And

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that's so nobody gets mad at you.

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Yeah. It's it's the Parisians. Right? They're like,

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not so they can get mad at you.

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This is this is how I would best

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describe it. They they would get upset if

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you didn't, but as soon as you see

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speak French and they realize it's not your

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native language, they will correct you with English

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immediately and start speaking English to you. Like,

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so what's the point of this dance, guys?

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Like,

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why the drama? Like, just Oh, yeah. To

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prove that you were at least trying, I

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suppose. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my my French

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is pretty good. Like, they'll they'll give you

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they'll entertain me for, like, minutes or 10

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minutes or whatever until it's like like, I

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can hang out with people that only speak

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French, but it gets to a point where

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it's like, alright. There's a word here we're

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losing, and then they'll they'll jump in. The

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minute you ask for almond milk and your

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coffee, they're like, no. This is done. We're

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done. Yeah.

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There there are a few moments, like, I

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I learned when I was living in in

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Colombia that if you want toothpaste, you'd better

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damn well work out how you asked for

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the right toothpaste because no one's coming to

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rescue you. So I've got all these, like,

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really weird, tangent ways of requesting things

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so that it's like, you know, to describe

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what it is that I want to help

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lead them to to that particular thing. That's

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where all of the years of Pictionary come

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in handy. Pantomime is the key to everything.

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I'm Australian. We didn't have Pictionary. We only

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we only had Pictionary

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in the mer in the American movies. That's

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that's it. That's all we had. So I'm

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just going off what my general concept of

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Pictionary is in my mind. Somebody needs to

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get you a Pictionary game because it is

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super duper fun.

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I'm missing out.

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Alright. Let let's get into your story. We're

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obviously, we know you're Australian. Talk about your

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upbringing a little bit. What shaped you as

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a kid? How you went on the path

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that you went on? Oh, yeah. So, this

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this sounds pretty interesting. My my my father,

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my grandfather, and uncle were homicide detectives

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in, in in New South Wales, and they

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they my my they were particularly good at

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it. My father is still cited as, like,

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case for case studies on on how to

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do it. I guess that that that changed

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a whole bunch of things in my childhood.

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Right? My father and mother knew each other

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in high school, ended up marrying,

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having a long relationship for probably, like, you

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know, almost 20 years, but because they started

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early.

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And that went until about the ages of,

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let's say, like, 30,

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34,

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35,

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where my father went through the full PTSD

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journey from just seeing too many,

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too many dead bodies and and all and

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whatever comes with that. Right? Like, too many,

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yeah, dead and and just horrific shit.

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So

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that shaped my childhood. Right? So I grew

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up. I was young at about 4 or

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5 parents divorced, separated.

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My mother went cold before that or went

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particularly cold afterwards. She's lovely. Like, I have

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a great relationship with both of them, but

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I I'm like, I very much just speak

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the truth, you know, from whatever lens that

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I'm seeing it. I've

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I've done an awful amount as a result

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of my life journey to

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do to do self development work by a

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spiritual, emotional, mental,

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you know, embodiment, whatever it might be. And

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as a result of that, I'm pretty well

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enlightened about my own journey.

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And they separated that had a certain effect

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on my brother, had a certain effect on

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me

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till now learning

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how to, you know, parent myself

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better as a as an adult in the

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best ways

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and to steer the ship and correct the

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course based on those effects that it had

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on me and decisions that I've made. How

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old were you when they divorced?

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4. I think about 4.

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Quite young. Or 5. Yeah. I was pretty

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young. So it was like a lot of

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it was over my head, which got really

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confusing when I started spending time with my

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dad. He had another another woman, and and

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and it was he's became his wife, and

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he's still married to her. So it's like

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it that that there was was a little

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bit confusing, but I just, you know, I'm

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a kid. I just roll with the punches.

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Alright.

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My brother, I think he took it a

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little bit differently

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or he he took it fine, a bit

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quieter about the situation or maybe less happy

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so that we you know, we grow up.

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My mom ends up meeting her partner, became

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my stepfather,

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and he was fine initially. But then, you

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know, like, a year until I was about

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10 years old when the when I think

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they kinda got together and started getting married,

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he he just pretty much, like, mercilessly bullied

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me,

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which

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which gave me some cool superpowers.

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Right? Like, looking at life in the in

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the right lens here, like, what what whatever

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that might have been, the gift from god

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there, I got an immense superpower of resilience.

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I learned to

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like, it's a it would basically be great

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at the dinner table every night,

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and it was, you know, it was all

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it was

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I'd just be sitting there and listen to

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an ambush of how I wasn't good enough

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at anything. And I'm a kid. So it's

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like, you know, as you as an adult

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now, you're like, this is pretty irrelevant. And

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your mom didn't step in and talk to

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you? Mom didn't. Brother didn't. No one did.

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They just watched it for, like, the better

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part of 7 years, and I thought As

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if it was happening to you, it didn't

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happen to them, probably.

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Yeah. At all. So it it was like

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it was pretty black and white, and, I

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was the weakest in the house even when

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they had a child. Like, he didn't pick

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00:09:20,924 --> 00:09:22,125
on his own child. It was like it

270
00:09:22,125 --> 00:09:23,340
was a bit like that. So

271
00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:24,320
cool.

272
00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:26,059
So be it. I was a kid, didn't

273
00:09:26,059 --> 00:09:27,920
know any difference, but that shapes my adulthood

274
00:09:28,139 --> 00:09:30,300
and my my emotions. I was able to

275
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,620
bury my emotions, like, really well. It was

276
00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:34,460
a struggle at first to just bury your

277
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:36,000
emotions. I was a bit of a softer

278
00:09:36,485 --> 00:09:37,704
emotional kid, like,

279
00:09:38,004 --> 00:09:39,605
in some regards, but I learned to be

280
00:09:39,605 --> 00:09:41,845
super resilient and bury all those. And as

281
00:09:41,845 --> 00:09:43,684
a result of burying your emotions, the body

282
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,125
and the mind are very much connected. I

283
00:09:45,125 --> 00:09:47,204
was able to make my body completely numb

284
00:09:47,204 --> 00:09:48,985
to push through whatever ridiculous

285
00:09:49,649 --> 00:09:51,730
task I wanted it to go through. I

286
00:09:51,730 --> 00:09:54,289
had to learn how to socialize really well.

287
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:55,829
I had to learn how to build relationships

288
00:09:55,889 --> 00:09:58,149
very well because I needed third parties

289
00:09:58,529 --> 00:10:00,769
to to kind of, be there for me

290
00:10:00,769 --> 00:10:01,429
in case

291
00:10:02,215 --> 00:10:04,375
that that that this evident circumstance wasn't there

292
00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:06,294
for me. My mom's lovely. She's worked her

293
00:10:06,294 --> 00:10:07,894
ass off, but she was under the understanding

294
00:10:07,894 --> 00:10:10,134
that providing a a home and food and

295
00:10:10,134 --> 00:10:12,375
all these things and be diligent at that

296
00:10:12,375 --> 00:10:13,654
was the best way she could take care

297
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:14,394
of the kids.

298
00:10:15,279 --> 00:10:17,279
And she definitely did that. And as we

299
00:10:17,279 --> 00:10:19,279
get older, you know, she's she's learned a

300
00:10:19,279 --> 00:10:21,279
lot and she's, you know, the best version

301
00:10:21,279 --> 00:10:23,679
of herself and and very very all that

302
00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:24,960
love in her life has come back. So

303
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,339
that's that's great to see.

304
00:10:26,879 --> 00:10:28,820
But, it shaped me so that

305
00:10:29,164 --> 00:10:30,524
as soon as I you know, I did

306
00:10:30,524 --> 00:10:32,365
pretty well in school. I was pretty smart.

307
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,904
I was very I was generally autodidactic

308
00:10:34,284 --> 00:10:36,524
in many ways, but just really cared about

309
00:10:36,524 --> 00:10:39,164
the social side of things. I could I

310
00:10:39,164 --> 00:10:40,845
could get through class and pass tests and

311
00:10:40,845 --> 00:10:42,365
exams without having to do any study because

312
00:10:42,365 --> 00:10:43,964
I would just kind of memorize things pretty

313
00:10:43,964 --> 00:10:45,769
well and and process information,

314
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:48,629
like, you know, that are interested me, like,

315
00:10:48,629 --> 00:10:50,230
very well. Like, if it was history or

316
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,389
if it was if it was drama or

317
00:10:52,389 --> 00:10:54,470
the arts or whatever, depending on the arts.

318
00:10:54,470 --> 00:10:55,830
Right? Like, me painting is is

319
00:10:56,644 --> 00:10:58,644
I'd I'd probably rather shoot myself in many

320
00:10:58,644 --> 00:11:00,245
ways. Like, let's leave that till I'm like

321
00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:02,164
the old Churchill version where you're like, you

322
00:11:02,164 --> 00:11:04,345
know what? That's I heard something.

323
00:11:05,764 --> 00:11:07,684
So so, yeah, so I, I did that

324
00:11:07,684 --> 00:11:10,085
and then and, you know, I whatever I

325
00:11:10,085 --> 00:11:11,340
adored, I was

326
00:11:11,820 --> 00:11:13,980
great at, and then whatever I did, I

327
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,040
was fine at.

328
00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:17,340
So no one was ever, like, you know,

329
00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:19,440
coming at me for grades or anything,

330
00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:20,720
which, you know,

331
00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:23,180
made it interesting that I'd be there was

332
00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:24,735
even bullying at all. So it was like

333
00:11:24,855 --> 00:11:26,634
it was it was, you know, about whatever.

334
00:11:26,774 --> 00:11:29,014
I proceeded to to to get to the

335
00:11:29,014 --> 00:11:29,754
end of

336
00:11:30,215 --> 00:11:32,134
my 16th year. And as I was getting

337
00:11:32,134 --> 00:11:33,174
to the end of it, I'm just like,

338
00:11:33,174 --> 00:11:34,535
well, I I I know I wanna be

339
00:11:34,535 --> 00:11:35,355
in the military.

340
00:11:35,735 --> 00:11:37,195
Like, I loved loved,

341
00:11:38,134 --> 00:11:38,794
I loved

342
00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:41,850
drama and and acting in school, and everyone

343
00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:43,710
was trying to push me towards these schools.

344
00:11:43,929 --> 00:11:46,009
These you know, like, the performance art schools

345
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,450
and then go on to the the next

346
00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:50,250
phases of that. And I loved war in

347
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:51,710
geopolitics and history.

348
00:11:52,424 --> 00:11:54,024
And, for me, it was like, well, damned

349
00:11:54,024 --> 00:11:55,965
if I'm gonna skip that step

350
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,825
and not and not, have a good have

351
00:11:58,825 --> 00:12:00,044
a good nudge at that.

352
00:12:00,424 --> 00:12:02,764
So I, as soon as I turned

353
00:12:03,465 --> 00:12:03,965
17,

354
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,125
I I went into the military

355
00:12:06,504 --> 00:12:07,725
as electrical engineer,

356
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,720
and that set off its own journey. The

357
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,480
toothpaste back into 2 at that point, I

358
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,659
I went I went in, like, all in.

359
00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:16,259
Does Australia require

360
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:17,620
service?

361
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,120
No. No. Not required. No. It's not mandatory

362
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,620
in any capacity. It's, it was just my,

363
00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:25,815
you know, just what I was meant to

364
00:12:25,815 --> 00:12:27,035
do in many ways.

365
00:12:27,495 --> 00:12:29,254
And that and that that was probably my

366
00:12:29,254 --> 00:12:30,315
my my youth

367
00:12:30,774 --> 00:12:32,774
to say the to summarize it. My youth,

368
00:12:32,774 --> 00:12:33,835
to me, was pretty

369
00:12:34,535 --> 00:12:35,894
like, I look back now, and I don't

370
00:12:35,894 --> 00:12:37,495
really remember a lot of things because I

371
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:38,875
don't think it it just wasn't

372
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,759
other than how it shapes me, it wasn't

373
00:12:41,759 --> 00:12:43,840
as interesting as what I'd made my adult

374
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,539
life to be, you know? Mhmm.

375
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,080
Yeah. Were you already showing signs of being

376
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,799
a polyglot and polymath at that point? I'm

377
00:12:50,799 --> 00:12:51,620
sure the military

378
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,334
notices things like that and and tunnels you

379
00:12:55,334 --> 00:12:56,394
in a certain direction.

380
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,334
I think, I I don't actually think they

381
00:12:59,334 --> 00:12:59,834
do.

382
00:13:00,294 --> 00:13:02,695
I actually I think the military is just

383
00:13:02,695 --> 00:13:04,534
like the cream will rise to the top

384
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,695
by their own sheer will. It doesn't have

385
00:13:06,695 --> 00:13:07,894
to look out for things like you would

386
00:13:07,894 --> 00:13:09,419
think so in a movie where someone might

387
00:13:09,419 --> 00:13:11,740
touch you on the shoulders. Like, those people

388
00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:14,539
striving exceptionally well stand out and continue to

389
00:13:14,539 --> 00:13:16,620
strive, and they end up where they are

390
00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:18,539
as a result of that, like, of just

391
00:13:18,539 --> 00:13:21,259
being as diligent and as competent and as

392
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,264
as focused as they possibly can.

393
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:24,085
Mhmm.

394
00:13:25,024 --> 00:13:26,325
Yeah. Like, I would say

395
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:29,205
I would say they yeah. There was no

396
00:13:29,345 --> 00:13:31,825
observation for it. I just I just kept

397
00:13:31,825 --> 00:13:34,545
going for things younger than than I just

398
00:13:34,545 --> 00:13:36,779
wanna be the youngest at most things. Like,

399
00:13:36,779 --> 00:13:39,120
I I would I would definitely try to

400
00:13:39,580 --> 00:13:41,100
you know, I wouldn't let age affect me

401
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:41,919
in any capacity.

402
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:45,259
But you're already pretty young, it sounds like.

403
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:47,759
Joining at 17, it was like, okay. Cool.

404
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:49,740
The other people around me were all grown

405
00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:52,524
men. Everyone going through training was grown men,

406
00:13:52,524 --> 00:13:54,445
especially when I got to I was very

407
00:13:54,445 --> 00:13:55,644
aware of it when I got to

408
00:13:56,445 --> 00:13:58,125
I was always good socializing, so I was

409
00:13:58,125 --> 00:13:59,565
I was able to build, like, really good

410
00:13:59,565 --> 00:14:01,424
rapport just through just being authentic.

411
00:14:02,205 --> 00:14:02,705
And

412
00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:04,790
as a result of that, I, like, I

413
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:06,550
had great relationships with guys of all these

414
00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:08,070
different ages around me, but some of the

415
00:14:08,070 --> 00:14:09,750
guys are like they'd finished school the same

416
00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,269
day I was born or, like, I was

417
00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:13,269
17 and they're, like, 45. It was like,

418
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,730
you know, mixed bag of maturity.

419
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,125
And then also all the people in charge

420
00:14:17,125 --> 00:14:19,045
of me were definitely older up until the

421
00:14:19,045 --> 00:14:20,264
age of maybe 60.

422
00:14:20,805 --> 00:14:23,545
But, when it came to the electrical engineering,

423
00:14:23,925 --> 00:14:24,585
I was

424
00:14:25,524 --> 00:14:26,805
I was a little bit out of my

425
00:14:26,805 --> 00:14:28,805
my depths to say the least, but out

426
00:14:28,805 --> 00:14:30,570
of my sheer will, I was gonna, like,

427
00:14:30,649 --> 00:14:33,230
work it out or die trying. Mhmm. So

428
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,230
I, I I started

429
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,669
everyone around me had degrees or whatever already,

430
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,549
right, or or up to master's degrees.

431
00:14:41,850 --> 00:14:44,745
And and I just like high school. You

432
00:14:44,745 --> 00:14:45,784
know? I was like, I was a little

433
00:14:45,784 --> 00:14:47,384
bit out of my depth in that regard,

434
00:14:47,384 --> 00:14:48,985
but that just means I had to study

435
00:14:48,985 --> 00:14:50,664
harder. And even then, the studying was this

436
00:14:50,664 --> 00:14:51,164
challenge,

437
00:14:51,945 --> 00:14:53,784
of interest because I already knew what I

438
00:14:53,784 --> 00:14:55,784
wanted to do in the military. I wanted

439
00:14:55,784 --> 00:14:56,184
to get as

440
00:14:57,290 --> 00:14:59,050
you know, like every child dream. Like, if

441
00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:00,170
I was gonna be in the military, I

442
00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:02,190
wanna be the greatest warrior I could be,

443
00:15:02,330 --> 00:15:04,250
and I was gonna punches as high and

444
00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:06,509
as fast as I I I possibly could

445
00:15:06,649 --> 00:15:08,889
until I had the coolest job and did

446
00:15:08,889 --> 00:15:10,815
all the the the the warrior stuff.

447
00:15:11,294 --> 00:15:11,794
However,

448
00:15:12,174 --> 00:15:14,894
the education was like the safety net of

449
00:15:14,894 --> 00:15:17,294
having something and falling back on something. And,

450
00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:19,615
you know, these these these things that I

451
00:15:19,615 --> 00:15:20,835
I don't know who like,

452
00:15:21,294 --> 00:15:23,134
the average person might say. We're like, oh,

453
00:15:23,134 --> 00:15:24,654
you need something to fall back on as

454
00:15:24,654 --> 00:15:26,174
a bit like a safety net. I'm just

455
00:15:26,174 --> 00:15:28,559
now. I've never seen more relevance to that

456
00:15:28,559 --> 00:15:29,920
than I than I do now in this

457
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,139
phase of my life. But

458
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,360
at that time, I felt myself out of

459
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,440
my death and but just forced myself through

460
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,279
it by sheer will. And you ended up

461
00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:39,595
in the in the special forces or the

462
00:15:39,595 --> 00:15:41,995
Australian equivalent of the special forces? Whilst I

463
00:15:41,995 --> 00:15:45,054
did that, I simultaneously trained every single day

464
00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:47,914
running, swimming, and weights because I didn't know

465
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,514
how much to train or what to train.

466
00:15:49,514 --> 00:15:51,134
But what I was really good at was

467
00:15:51,355 --> 00:15:54,174
pushing myself through, like, really hard stuff

468
00:15:54,799 --> 00:15:57,279
and overtraining, which became a problem later on.

469
00:15:57,279 --> 00:15:58,799
But I knew that if I overtrained, it

470
00:15:58,879 --> 00:16:01,620
it's a better problem to have, you know,

471
00:16:01,759 --> 00:16:04,320
than, than undertraining. Like, it would give me

472
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:07,315
extra time and extra clarity of mind to

473
00:16:07,315 --> 00:16:08,835
be able to make decisions when others are

474
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,555
more fatigued than me against I wouldn't say

475
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:13,735
competition of you know, in certain environments,

476
00:16:14,355 --> 00:16:16,195
but, you know, in the end, they've they've

477
00:16:16,195 --> 00:16:17,795
only got so many numbers they could fill

478
00:16:17,795 --> 00:16:18,935
it. But by comparison,

479
00:16:19,539 --> 00:16:20,980
they're trying to catch their breath or whatever,

480
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,259
and I'd have time to think about the

481
00:16:22,259 --> 00:16:25,220
next task or whatever. It's interesting because it

482
00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:26,740
sounds like you came from a bit of

483
00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:27,399
an abusive

484
00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,179
household as a child. And, I mean, people

485
00:16:30,179 --> 00:16:31,960
can say what they will, but I think

486
00:16:32,019 --> 00:16:35,745
mental abuse is maybe even more detrimental. Bruises

487
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:36,245
heal,

488
00:16:36,785 --> 00:16:39,504
but the mental stuff you carry your entire

489
00:16:39,504 --> 00:16:41,184
life I I know for a lot of

490
00:16:41,184 --> 00:16:43,125
people that are dealing with that kind of

491
00:16:43,264 --> 00:16:46,004
childhood, you tend to head down

492
00:16:46,384 --> 00:16:46,884
pathways

493
00:16:47,264 --> 00:16:47,764
of

494
00:16:48,220 --> 00:16:49,899
substance abuse and things like that or an

495
00:16:49,899 --> 00:16:52,700
addiction in general. Would you say that this

496
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:53,200
overachieving

497
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,679
became your own kind of addiction?

498
00:16:56,059 --> 00:16:58,379
Yeah. The the training and overachieving became an

499
00:16:58,379 --> 00:17:00,860
addiction. Definitely. Like and and I'm gonna I'll

500
00:17:00,860 --> 00:17:03,085
get to the snowball here. So I trained

501
00:17:03,165 --> 00:17:05,244
I started training every single day and studying

502
00:17:05,244 --> 00:17:06,525
every single day, but this was fine. I

503
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:07,805
was 17. I was in the military. I

504
00:17:07,805 --> 00:17:09,644
wasn't allowed out. At night, I wasn't allowed

505
00:17:09,644 --> 00:17:11,164
to drink and do all these things. Australia,

506
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,924
18 is the drinking age. Right? But it

507
00:17:12,924 --> 00:17:14,625
also meant that they would cap you

508
00:17:14,924 --> 00:17:16,684
and, like, have a duty of care so

509
00:17:16,684 --> 00:17:19,130
your social life wasn't there. So so, like,

510
00:17:19,130 --> 00:17:20,329
I had all the extra time to do

511
00:17:20,329 --> 00:17:21,929
all this, all the all all the clarity

512
00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:22,890
in the mind of the world because we're

513
00:17:22,890 --> 00:17:24,970
now partying, but it also killed all my

514
00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:26,650
time that I would have otherwise to take

515
00:17:26,650 --> 00:17:28,250
girls on dates or or and do all

516
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,009
this socializing. So I had none of that

517
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:32,890
between 7, 8, and 18, like almost zero

518
00:17:32,890 --> 00:17:36,085
interaction, actually. It was like they killed that,

519
00:17:36,384 --> 00:17:36,884
which,

520
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:39,024
you know, as you're raised with the emotional

521
00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:41,984
abuse and touching on that, it's like emotional

522
00:17:41,984 --> 00:17:42,484
abuse,

523
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,625
as I've learned more about it, is is

524
00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:46,484
one of the hardest to deal with

525
00:17:46,819 --> 00:17:49,400
because people don't have marks or in incidents

526
00:17:49,539 --> 00:17:52,339
to truly mark its existence. And it took

527
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:53,319
me until 31

528
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,740
and couple 100 psychoactive therapy hours for them

529
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:58,579
to to finally convince me and get me

530
00:17:58,579 --> 00:18:00,464
to say, okay. Maybe this is a thing.

531
00:18:00,544 --> 00:18:01,904
Like, she was like, oh, thank god. Like,

532
00:18:01,904 --> 00:18:03,424
it was crushing her to try to get

533
00:18:03,424 --> 00:18:04,164
this across.

534
00:18:04,464 --> 00:18:05,825
So, yeah, it it is a pretty hard

535
00:18:05,825 --> 00:18:07,125
one to treat and acknowledge.

536
00:18:07,744 --> 00:18:09,365
But, again, it's like, alright.

537
00:18:09,904 --> 00:18:12,304
Accept and understand it. Move on with the,

538
00:18:13,269 --> 00:18:14,470
move on with the you know, what did

539
00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:15,829
I get from this? What did it give

540
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:17,750
me? So I I learned to train immensely,

541
00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:20,069
study immensely, and focus on the the the

542
00:18:20,069 --> 00:18:21,430
task and where I wanted to go and

543
00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:23,609
what what things I wanted to achieve

544
00:18:24,069 --> 00:18:25,815
to such a degree that I was in,

545
00:18:26,054 --> 00:18:28,054
you know, I I ended up finishing my

546
00:18:28,054 --> 00:18:30,534
electric electronic school. I was posted to some

547
00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:31,034
engineering

548
00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:33,414
in in in the shipyards there for the

549
00:18:33,414 --> 00:18:34,774
the naval ships, and I went to search

550
00:18:34,774 --> 00:18:36,134
on the ships. I went on trips. So

551
00:18:36,134 --> 00:18:38,394
I even enjoyed the moment and the journey.

552
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,039
But while I was on the ships,

553
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:42,359
I remember being in the Filipino sun,

554
00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:44,500
and I would run around the flight deck

555
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,500
for, like, 3 to 4 hours with 50

556
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,259
kilograms and all this equipment and whatnot and

557
00:18:48,259 --> 00:18:49,399
camouflage boots.

558
00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:50,980
And I'm in the navy. I don't have

559
00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:52,179
any of this, so I had to get

560
00:18:52,179 --> 00:18:54,105
it from the army, and they just see

561
00:18:54,105 --> 00:18:56,744
me over, like, training ridiculously. So they gave

562
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:57,644
me all this stuff.

563
00:18:58,184 --> 00:18:59,644
And at this point, it's been,

564
00:19:00,025 --> 00:19:01,785
like, 2 years or so, and I haven't

565
00:19:01,785 --> 00:19:04,025
stopped training. I've actually elevated the amount of

566
00:19:04,025 --> 00:19:05,865
training of which I'm doing to, let's say,

567
00:19:05,865 --> 00:19:07,244
to an unnecessary amount.

568
00:19:08,519 --> 00:19:10,119
But being in the navy, you know, and

569
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:11,960
a and a to switch over the army

570
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,259
to pursue special operations,

571
00:19:13,639 --> 00:19:14,679
you know, I had to put in all

572
00:19:14,679 --> 00:19:16,700
that extra gross amount of effort.

573
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,519
I just wanted to make sure that, okay,

574
00:19:18,519 --> 00:19:19,799
cool. These people are gonna know more than

575
00:19:19,799 --> 00:19:21,399
me, so how do I just outperform in

576
00:19:21,399 --> 00:19:23,234
this area? Gives me space to learn the

577
00:19:23,234 --> 00:19:23,974
other stuff.

578
00:19:24,674 --> 00:19:26,215
I proceeded to just

579
00:19:26,755 --> 00:19:28,674
run laps around the flight deck doing this.

580
00:19:28,674 --> 00:19:30,035
And every time I did it, and I

581
00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:31,234
do it at least once a week as

582
00:19:31,234 --> 00:19:32,855
well as all the other training I do,

583
00:19:33,234 --> 00:19:35,289
I'd feel my boots full of blood because

584
00:19:35,289 --> 00:19:36,970
they tear off tear apart my whole feet

585
00:19:36,970 --> 00:19:38,089
and off the back of my heel because

586
00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,529
I I just had the wrong size boots.

587
00:19:39,529 --> 00:19:40,970
Like, don't care to give me the right

588
00:19:40,970 --> 00:19:42,569
size boots. They just gave me whatever equipment

589
00:19:42,569 --> 00:19:43,849
they had, and I was just gonna make

590
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:44,509
it work.

591
00:19:44,890 --> 00:19:46,670
So I went through a lot of, like,

592
00:19:47,464 --> 00:19:49,404
layered resilience building there,

593
00:19:49,785 --> 00:19:51,464
and then I and then then I put

594
00:19:51,464 --> 00:19:54,045
in for the the army's selection

595
00:19:54,664 --> 00:19:56,125
entry test, I should say.

596
00:19:56,505 --> 00:19:58,105
And then I went across to do the

597
00:19:58,105 --> 00:20:00,825
the entry test after the ship sabotaged me

598
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:03,240
several times because it wasn't in their interest

599
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:04,840
to lose me. It's it's hard to have

600
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,000
electrical engineers, even though they can't do anything

601
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,160
about it because it's it's prioritization of military

602
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,220
assets and resources.

603
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,119
They can't stop it, but they're like they've

604
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,279
you know, before deployment to to into Asia,

605
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:16,555
they'd be like, you know, we've lost your

606
00:20:16,555 --> 00:20:18,795
medical something. The day before of the test,

607
00:20:18,795 --> 00:20:20,654
they'd be like, we've lost your medical whatever,

608
00:20:20,955 --> 00:20:22,475
and be like, I guess you can't go

609
00:20:22,475 --> 00:20:23,755
tomorrow. And it it wasn't like a

610
00:20:24,555 --> 00:20:25,914
it wasn't you know, like, they knew it

611
00:20:25,914 --> 00:20:27,595
was illegal, but they were also kinda like,

612
00:20:27,595 --> 00:20:28,875
I can't tell you can't go on, but

613
00:20:28,875 --> 00:20:30,240
I just told you you can't go on.

614
00:20:30,319 --> 00:20:32,799
You can't go do this entry test. Oh.

615
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,279
But, yeah, eventually, I got it myself. I

616
00:20:35,279 --> 00:20:37,039
paid for my own flight back from Singapore

617
00:20:37,039 --> 00:20:38,179
to be ahead of the ship

618
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:39,140
and,

619
00:20:39,759 --> 00:20:41,519
and got there and did it. And, you

620
00:20:41,519 --> 00:20:43,279
know, through my resilience, I came 1st or

621
00:20:43,279 --> 00:20:44,500
second in every category

622
00:20:45,075 --> 00:20:47,394
against, I guess, all the army guys without

623
00:20:47,394 --> 00:20:48,855
me knowing how to do anything.

624
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:50,595
Now at this point, you gotta remember I'm

625
00:20:50,595 --> 00:20:52,674
not like a I'm not like America where

626
00:20:52,674 --> 00:20:54,434
they have the Navy SEALs, so you you

627
00:20:54,434 --> 00:20:56,434
you have this image that the Navy SEALs

628
00:20:56,434 --> 00:20:57,714
kinda know how to run around with guns

629
00:20:57,714 --> 00:20:58,855
and whatnot. The Navy

630
00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:01,289
in America as well, for the most part,

631
00:21:01,289 --> 00:21:02,410
have no idea how to do any of

632
00:21:02,410 --> 00:21:04,730
that. They have camouflage and equipment. They don't

633
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:06,410
do any of that sort of stuff. Yeah.

634
00:21:06,410 --> 00:21:08,250
That's when the the you know, that resilience

635
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:10,170
in my life and growing up really tied

636
00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:12,255
in here because I was able to just

637
00:21:12,335 --> 00:21:14,994
train and overtrain and work and grind

638
00:21:15,615 --> 00:21:17,454
and stay focused and push my body through

639
00:21:17,454 --> 00:21:17,954
anything.

640
00:21:18,335 --> 00:21:20,015
You know, the the army the army, the

641
00:21:20,015 --> 00:21:21,615
navy could yell. They could do whatever they

642
00:21:21,615 --> 00:21:23,134
want or whatever, and it just wasn't gonna

643
00:21:23,134 --> 00:21:25,954
get through to me physically and and and

644
00:21:26,015 --> 00:21:26,914
physically, emotionally,

645
00:21:27,430 --> 00:21:29,210
mentally. It just it was it was untouchable

646
00:21:29,349 --> 00:21:31,509
at this point, and I knew it. And

647
00:21:31,509 --> 00:21:33,670
the worst part what the best part worst

648
00:21:33,670 --> 00:21:35,190
part let's look at it like glass half

649
00:21:35,190 --> 00:21:35,690
full.

650
00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:38,390
I knew that I was, like, getting so

651
00:21:38,390 --> 00:21:40,470
resilient and more and more resilient. And every

652
00:21:40,470 --> 00:21:42,845
time that I did, I got rewarded for

653
00:21:42,845 --> 00:21:44,845
that resilience by getting to the next level

654
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:46,704
in my career that I wanted to achieve

655
00:21:47,164 --> 00:21:49,345
at a speed that is, like, really unprecedented.

656
00:21:50,044 --> 00:21:52,044
Like, at this point, I've already done you

657
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:53,484
know, I just I didn't go across to

658
00:21:53,484 --> 00:21:55,244
the army because they're like, you know, it's

659
00:21:55,244 --> 00:21:56,384
it's more of a prioritization

660
00:21:56,684 --> 00:21:57,990
of us to to

661
00:21:58,450 --> 00:21:59,990
have special operations personnel

662
00:22:00,369 --> 00:22:03,490
than it is to have another engineer. So

663
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,029
you're you're coming across,

664
00:22:05,569 --> 00:22:07,409
and the Navy couldn't do anything about it.

665
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,169
So it's like, I'm getting rewarded, and I'm

666
00:22:09,169 --> 00:22:11,765
I'm already living, like, these small careers that

667
00:22:11,765 --> 00:22:14,085
are someone else's entire life journey in their

668
00:22:14,085 --> 00:22:16,424
career, in their in their in their work.

669
00:22:16,804 --> 00:22:19,304
As you are excelling in all these places

670
00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:20,505
physically,

671
00:22:21,204 --> 00:22:22,904
what are you doing with your

672
00:22:23,309 --> 00:22:26,029
thoughts? Are they just getting shoved further and

673
00:22:26,029 --> 00:22:28,029
further down? Like, I'm not feeling pain. I'm

674
00:22:28,029 --> 00:22:30,029
not feeling worry. I'm not being scared. I'm

675
00:22:30,029 --> 00:22:31,569
not having any of that.

676
00:22:32,029 --> 00:22:34,349
I must have I must have I don't

677
00:22:34,349 --> 00:22:35,470
know what it was. Like, I had a

678
00:22:35,470 --> 00:22:37,730
really great grandfather. I have both great grandfathers

679
00:22:37,789 --> 00:22:40,505
and grandmothers. Right? But my grandfather,

680
00:22:41,285 --> 00:22:42,805
the one who got me you know, I

681
00:22:42,884 --> 00:22:44,565
in my final year of of high school,

682
00:22:44,565 --> 00:22:46,164
I was wearing a a blazer and a

683
00:22:46,164 --> 00:22:48,325
tie and and all these things which happens

684
00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:50,025
in in Australia to a certain degree.

685
00:22:50,805 --> 00:22:52,164
And so I wore that, and he he

686
00:22:52,164 --> 00:22:53,525
took me along to the recruiting. And he

687
00:22:53,525 --> 00:22:55,865
was he was always he was a very

688
00:22:55,865 --> 00:22:58,696
brilliant, remarkable man. He was he was very,

689
00:22:59,050 --> 00:23:01,882
extremely well educated, but, like, self educated. You

690
00:23:01,882 --> 00:23:04,713
know, the family growing up had a lot

691
00:23:04,713 --> 00:23:08,105
of money, extreme amount of wealth, actually, and

692
00:23:08,105 --> 00:23:09,884
his father gambled it all away,

693
00:23:10,184 --> 00:23:12,585
but he never lost his ability to his

694
00:23:12,585 --> 00:23:14,025
education that he was raised with. He was

695
00:23:14,025 --> 00:23:15,384
able to self educate. He cocked it on

696
00:23:15,384 --> 00:23:16,045
the chin,

697
00:23:16,345 --> 00:23:18,765
you know, comes home. We've lost we've lost

698
00:23:18,825 --> 00:23:20,525
multiple mansions and houses.

699
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,200
We've lost any business assets. They had a

700
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,640
stake in the First Bank in New South

701
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,640
Wales, and they, like, they established and they

702
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,720
lost that. Lost everything. It's like, oh, by

703
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,000
the way, you're going to the mines because

704
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,519
you're the oldest, and we need the family

705
00:23:31,519 --> 00:23:33,119
needs any money they can get to But

706
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:34,900
they lost it or they gave it away?

707
00:23:35,215 --> 00:23:37,134
Lost it. Gammeled it all away. His father

708
00:23:37,134 --> 00:23:39,615
gambled it all away. Oh, shit. At home,

709
00:23:39,615 --> 00:23:41,134
had none. And he and he, you know

710
00:23:41,535 --> 00:23:42,654
so he he just cops on the scene

711
00:23:42,654 --> 00:23:43,855
and got sent to the mines the next

712
00:23:43,855 --> 00:23:45,795
day to make money for the family. Woah.

713
00:23:46,174 --> 00:23:47,235
That's a shift.

714
00:23:47,659 --> 00:23:49,500
Yep. Massive shift, but he never lost that.

715
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:52,140
And he he was extremely humble. He's probably

716
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:53,839
the he'll be he'll be an

717
00:23:54,859 --> 00:23:55,359
unchallengeable,

718
00:23:57,419 --> 00:23:59,039
mark as a gentleman to ever,

719
00:24:00,140 --> 00:24:01,724
to have a measure up to. You know,

720
00:24:01,724 --> 00:24:03,325
I felt like I was lost without good

721
00:24:03,325 --> 00:24:05,105
men in my life. Right? My father,

722
00:24:05,565 --> 00:24:06,224
this man.

723
00:24:06,765 --> 00:24:09,484
So I wasn't all flying blind. Right? You

724
00:24:09,484 --> 00:24:11,424
know, I had these people that that definitely

725
00:24:11,644 --> 00:24:13,884
that definitely influenced me in a positive way,

726
00:24:13,884 --> 00:24:16,630
I should say. What happens next? You've been

727
00:24:16,630 --> 00:24:18,490
accepted into the army.

728
00:24:19,029 --> 00:24:21,110
I didn't realize you could go laterally like

729
00:24:21,110 --> 00:24:23,590
that between branches. You're not meant to. It's

730
00:24:23,590 --> 00:24:26,070
only because I I passed their their test

731
00:24:26,070 --> 00:24:27,450
and and the the

732
00:24:28,214 --> 00:24:30,375
the head special operations guys were like, we

733
00:24:30,375 --> 00:24:32,454
want that guy. We want that kid. Whoever

734
00:24:32,454 --> 00:24:33,755
that kid is. Because I'm still

735
00:24:34,214 --> 00:24:35,595
I think I was I was like

736
00:24:36,054 --> 00:24:36,554
19

737
00:24:36,934 --> 00:24:39,335
at the time. Maybe just yeah. 9 yeah.

738
00:24:39,335 --> 00:24:41,509
Definitely actually 19 at the time. Yeah. So,

739
00:24:41,509 --> 00:24:43,750
you know, I'd I'd spent somewhere between 2

740
00:24:43,750 --> 00:24:46,009
to 3 years in the navy training

741
00:24:46,389 --> 00:24:48,069
like hell probably about 2 and a half.

742
00:24:48,069 --> 00:24:49,929
Haven't stopped every single day.

743
00:24:50,230 --> 00:24:53,750
Just a baby at 19. So young. Definitely.

744
00:24:53,750 --> 00:24:55,049
But, man, I was focused.

745
00:24:55,585 --> 00:24:57,904
I didn't think negative about myself. I was

746
00:24:57,904 --> 00:24:59,985
able to be self aware enough of when

747
00:24:59,985 --> 00:25:01,664
I was doing good and doing bad. And

748
00:25:01,664 --> 00:25:03,825
the thing was, if I put effort into

749
00:25:03,825 --> 00:25:05,745
absolutely everything I was doing, I could not

750
00:25:05,745 --> 00:25:07,345
be angry at myself if I did not

751
00:25:07,345 --> 00:25:09,640
pass. If I didn't put effort into the

752
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,080
thing that I was doing and I failed,

753
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,000
then I could be down on myself. So

754
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,019
I had this really objective way

755
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,380
of looking at

756
00:25:16,759 --> 00:25:18,460
success and measuring it,

757
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,220
the harshness of myself.

758
00:25:20,744 --> 00:25:22,424
I couldn't sit there and be like, you

759
00:25:22,424 --> 00:25:24,025
know, like it's like, man, you could have

760
00:25:24,025 --> 00:25:26,105
sprinted harder. I didn't have that. I sprinted

761
00:25:26,105 --> 00:25:28,105
every I gave everything into anything and everything

762
00:25:28,105 --> 00:25:29,005
that I was doing.

763
00:25:29,384 --> 00:25:31,085
So as a result of that, I couldn't

764
00:25:31,545 --> 00:25:32,285
the thoughts,

765
00:25:32,659 --> 00:25:34,899
the negative thoughts that might arise from, you

766
00:25:34,899 --> 00:25:37,220
know, enduring these past experiences might make that

767
00:25:37,220 --> 00:25:37,720
challenging,

768
00:25:38,099 --> 00:25:40,339
but they didn't because it's like because I

769
00:25:40,339 --> 00:25:42,980
was able to objectively measure them. And the

770
00:25:42,980 --> 00:25:45,299
military has a lot of benchmark success to

771
00:25:45,299 --> 00:25:47,845
help you objectively measure it. It's the civilian

772
00:25:47,845 --> 00:25:49,924
world that might make that more challenging because

773
00:25:49,924 --> 00:25:51,924
it's kind of like everything's up in the

774
00:25:51,924 --> 00:25:53,924
air in every which direction. They bring me

775
00:25:53,924 --> 00:25:54,424
across

776
00:25:54,884 --> 00:25:56,325
because they can do that. They have the

777
00:25:56,325 --> 00:25:57,845
power to do that. It was more important

778
00:25:57,845 --> 00:25:59,444
this time during war was going on to

779
00:25:59,444 --> 00:26:01,304
have special operations personnel.

780
00:26:01,890 --> 00:26:04,289
Australia is a very high bar for their

781
00:26:04,289 --> 00:26:05,509
for their servicemen,

782
00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:07,670
and their infantry,

783
00:26:08,690 --> 00:26:10,769
and as well as their special operations and

784
00:26:10,769 --> 00:26:12,390
so on. And they they had to,

785
00:26:13,250 --> 00:26:15,990
because we don't have the numbers America has.

786
00:26:16,294 --> 00:26:17,275
We don't have the technological

787
00:26:18,134 --> 00:26:20,375
advancements. Well, we do, but in smaller numbers

788
00:26:20,375 --> 00:26:22,214
that the Americans have, which really doesn't give

789
00:26:22,214 --> 00:26:23,434
us this

790
00:26:24,054 --> 00:26:27,095
this drowning in asset scenario that America has

791
00:26:27,095 --> 00:26:28,694
where you have an infinite amount of ships

792
00:26:28,694 --> 00:26:30,494
and helicopters and planes and whatnot. You have

793
00:26:30,494 --> 00:26:31,674
to be you have to.

794
00:26:32,009 --> 00:26:33,769
But what we do have is this ability

795
00:26:33,769 --> 00:26:34,589
to have a

796
00:26:35,210 --> 00:26:36,990
extremely overtrained and educated

797
00:26:37,529 --> 00:26:40,170
and, like, personnel to draw from. Look. You

798
00:26:40,170 --> 00:26:41,690
guys are great. Like, I would like, man,

799
00:26:41,690 --> 00:26:42,809
if you wanna go to war with anyone,

800
00:26:42,809 --> 00:26:43,849
you wanna go to war with the Holy

801
00:26:43,849 --> 00:26:46,170
Roman Empire, the Americans, they got it. I

802
00:26:46,170 --> 00:26:48,224
get that. No. I get that. I do.

803
00:26:48,224 --> 00:26:50,785
But but I wish that education was a

804
00:26:50,785 --> 00:26:52,884
little bit more emphasized for

805
00:26:53,664 --> 00:26:55,845
the non commissioned. You know?

806
00:26:56,224 --> 00:26:58,224
Yeah. Yeah. And and, you know, even then,

807
00:26:58,224 --> 00:27:00,144
I've got I've I've seen some American commissions

808
00:27:00,144 --> 00:27:02,029
that wouldn't also, you know

809
00:27:02,730 --> 00:27:04,410
I'd be less inclined to follow them into

810
00:27:04,410 --> 00:27:04,990
a cinema.

811
00:27:05,529 --> 00:27:07,130
And but but it's not saying all of

812
00:27:07,130 --> 00:27:08,410
them. Like, for the most part, the people

813
00:27:08,410 --> 00:27:10,170
I worked with in the American military, so

814
00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:12,490
the operators, helicopter parts, all this stuff, I'd

815
00:27:12,490 --> 00:27:13,710
like I'm absolutely

816
00:27:14,025 --> 00:27:16,585
on their team. They were just Yeah. I

817
00:27:16,585 --> 00:27:18,744
I have friends that are, you know, special

818
00:27:18,744 --> 00:27:21,144
forces and marine you know, all this stuffs,

819
00:27:21,144 --> 00:27:21,644
and

820
00:27:22,105 --> 00:27:24,825
they are definitely the cream of the crop

821
00:27:24,825 --> 00:27:26,765
as far as knowledge and

822
00:27:27,144 --> 00:27:27,644
ability

823
00:27:28,184 --> 00:27:28,684
and

824
00:27:29,269 --> 00:27:29,769
integrity.

825
00:27:30,389 --> 00:27:32,409
Yeah. Integrity is the foundation

826
00:27:32,789 --> 00:27:34,470
for all of it. So I can't get

827
00:27:34,549 --> 00:27:36,710
I actually to do that test, I I

828
00:27:36,710 --> 00:27:38,230
have to have a track record of an

829
00:27:38,230 --> 00:27:40,569
entire career with an unquestioned integrity.

830
00:27:41,029 --> 00:27:42,734
Mhmm. There could not be a single moment

831
00:27:42,734 --> 00:27:44,575
where they're like, Nick there was Nick's integrity

832
00:27:44,575 --> 00:27:45,394
was in doubt.

833
00:27:46,174 --> 00:27:47,615
So I wasn't just doing the right thing.

834
00:27:47,615 --> 00:27:49,055
It was if you fucked up, you're owning

835
00:27:49,055 --> 00:27:50,575
up to it, and you're copying it. It's

836
00:27:50,575 --> 00:27:52,174
like, come what may, but it was like,

837
00:27:52,174 --> 00:27:54,509
his integrity has never been in doubt. And

838
00:27:54,509 --> 00:27:57,070
every every operator that does this in order

839
00:27:57,070 --> 00:27:59,150
for these teams to work, and and it

840
00:27:59,150 --> 00:28:00,670
and it gets a little bit more elevated

841
00:28:00,670 --> 00:28:02,369
as you go up higher in responsibilities

842
00:28:03,549 --> 00:28:05,710
as to, like, how important that is because

843
00:28:05,710 --> 00:28:07,150
you could be operating as a 1, you

844
00:28:07,150 --> 00:28:08,930
know, 1 or 2 man team,

845
00:28:09,605 --> 00:28:11,545
you know, in some sort of theater

846
00:28:11,845 --> 00:28:13,445
in in the world. Right? And you damn

847
00:28:13,445 --> 00:28:14,184
well better

848
00:28:14,805 --> 00:28:16,965
have have your especially if you're in a

849
00:28:16,965 --> 00:28:18,725
small team. Right? Like, that other person is

850
00:28:18,725 --> 00:28:20,345
relying on you, like, intensely.

851
00:28:20,965 --> 00:28:22,265
So I get to the army,

852
00:28:22,619 --> 00:28:23,740
and I do this, and they got me

853
00:28:23,740 --> 00:28:25,579
on this path where they're like, alright. Well,

854
00:28:25,579 --> 00:28:27,259
now you're across here and you've done this

855
00:28:27,259 --> 00:28:28,160
test. Great.

856
00:28:29,019 --> 00:28:31,660
However, you don't have the infantry training, and

857
00:28:31,660 --> 00:28:33,500
you don't have the the training from the

858
00:28:33,500 --> 00:28:35,660
the general army. So they they started training

859
00:28:35,660 --> 00:28:37,765
me as fast as they could across all

860
00:28:37,765 --> 00:28:38,965
these things, and then they put me in

861
00:28:38,965 --> 00:28:39,545
the whole

862
00:28:39,845 --> 00:28:41,924
infantry school. And I just go through that

863
00:28:41,924 --> 00:28:43,045
as fast as I can, and then they

864
00:28:43,045 --> 00:28:44,265
have this special operations,

865
00:28:45,125 --> 00:28:46,025
like, prerequisite

866
00:28:46,325 --> 00:28:47,845
sort of course that they do to help

867
00:28:47,845 --> 00:28:50,085
you gap the time so that you can

868
00:28:50,085 --> 00:28:51,945
learn as much as you can before doing

869
00:28:52,750 --> 00:28:53,190
their

870
00:28:53,630 --> 00:28:55,009
our our special forces.

871
00:28:55,710 --> 00:28:58,029
Commandos, we have 2 special forces. I'll get

872
00:28:58,029 --> 00:28:59,710
into that in a bit. We have our

873
00:28:59,710 --> 00:29:01,950
our commandos or our, like kinda like our

874
00:29:01,950 --> 00:29:04,750
brain brace, right, or or ranger or something

875
00:29:04,750 --> 00:29:05,650
like that. And

876
00:29:06,355 --> 00:29:07,414
these guys here,

877
00:29:07,714 --> 00:29:08,115
they,

878
00:29:08,835 --> 00:29:10,115
you know, they're like, cool. We got a

879
00:29:10,115 --> 00:29:12,355
selection and training course that we do together.

880
00:29:12,355 --> 00:29:14,115
And, basically, a training course, if you're not

881
00:29:14,115 --> 00:29:15,394
up to it, they'll cut you off cut

882
00:29:15,394 --> 00:29:17,394
guys off every day or every week until

883
00:29:17,394 --> 00:29:18,835
they wheel it down to the people that

884
00:29:18,835 --> 00:29:19,494
they want.

885
00:29:20,279 --> 00:29:22,460
And when I got to the infantry school,

886
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,299
I started the day,

887
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:25,080
like, week

888
00:29:26,039 --> 00:29:27,480
somewhere in the 1st week, I got a

889
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:27,980
hernia

890
00:29:28,519 --> 00:29:30,059
the size of a golf ball.

891
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:31,340
And,

892
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,039
yeah, and it was I and it was

893
00:29:34,039 --> 00:29:35,100
down in my groin.

894
00:29:35,455 --> 00:29:36,734
And I so what I would do is

895
00:29:36,734 --> 00:29:39,295
I had to jam it in whatever organ

896
00:29:39,295 --> 00:29:41,215
it was. I had to jam it inside

897
00:29:41,215 --> 00:29:41,875
of me,

898
00:29:42,174 --> 00:29:42,914
my fingers,

899
00:29:43,695 --> 00:29:45,615
and I did the next 13 weeks of

900
00:29:45,615 --> 00:29:48,255
the infantry infantry course like this. What whatever

901
00:29:48,255 --> 00:29:49,855
it was, whether it was pack marching, charging,

902
00:29:49,855 --> 00:29:52,029
whatever, I would jam in this golf ball

903
00:29:52,409 --> 00:29:54,649
organ inside. It was the most agonizing thing

904
00:29:54,649 --> 00:29:55,149
ever,

905
00:29:55,450 --> 00:29:55,950
but

906
00:29:56,329 --> 00:29:58,409
I was capable of putting myself through anything

907
00:29:58,409 --> 00:30:00,009
at this this point. Holy cow.

908
00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:00,990
Anything.

909
00:30:02,890 --> 00:30:05,069
And the other thing was I

910
00:30:05,554 --> 00:30:08,515
I was very observant, and I learned things

911
00:30:08,515 --> 00:30:11,234
quickly, which became very important later on for

912
00:30:11,234 --> 00:30:12,214
the the military.

913
00:30:13,234 --> 00:30:15,394
So I was able to suffer this even

914
00:30:15,394 --> 00:30:17,394
though there was a distraction of pain, but

915
00:30:17,394 --> 00:30:18,835
I was extremely fit. So I was able

916
00:30:18,835 --> 00:30:20,355
to compensate with that and compensate that I

917
00:30:20,355 --> 00:30:22,500
was able to learn quick. So my attention,

918
00:30:23,039 --> 00:30:24,160
even though it was part of it, is

919
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,160
definitely focused on this apportion, the rest of

920
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,679
it is, for the most part, focused on

921
00:30:27,679 --> 00:30:30,099
the task at hand, capable of being there.

922
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,259
Well, I come out of surgery,

923
00:30:33,279 --> 00:30:35,455
start training again as soon as I can,

924
00:30:35,455 --> 00:30:36,975
which really means you can't use your upper

925
00:30:36,975 --> 00:30:38,275
or lower body because your abdomen

926
00:30:38,654 --> 00:30:41,134
doing everything is quite the challenge. Right? And

927
00:30:41,134 --> 00:30:42,975
I've realized I'm behind the other guys who

928
00:30:42,975 --> 00:30:44,434
are about to attempt this selection.

929
00:30:44,894 --> 00:30:46,255
So not only am I behind the 8

930
00:30:46,255 --> 00:30:47,234
ball of knowledge,

931
00:30:47,940 --> 00:30:49,559
I'm out of the 8 ball of physically,

932
00:30:50,019 --> 00:30:51,639
and I'm also extremely fatigued

933
00:30:52,259 --> 00:30:53,000
here. Well,

934
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,700
eventually, the day comes, I get on this

935
00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:56,200
course,

936
00:30:57,299 --> 00:30:58,039
and I

937
00:30:58,579 --> 00:31:00,980
proceed to spend the next 32 days or

938
00:31:00,980 --> 00:31:02,259
4 no. It was like this one was

939
00:31:02,259 --> 00:31:04,765
about 40 45 days, something like that because

940
00:31:04,765 --> 00:31:06,305
it was a course and a selection,

941
00:31:06,684 --> 00:31:08,525
and I just kept going. I and I

942
00:31:08,525 --> 00:31:10,684
I was aware I was struggling in many

943
00:31:10,684 --> 00:31:13,085
regards where it mostly was fatigue. I wouldn't

944
00:31:13,085 --> 00:31:15,005
quit. Didn't know how to quit. But I

945
00:31:15,005 --> 00:31:16,769
knew I didn't know things more than the

946
00:31:16,769 --> 00:31:18,630
other guys, and I knew I didn't.

947
00:31:20,130 --> 00:31:22,049
I knew I you know, physically, I was

948
00:31:22,049 --> 00:31:24,450
kinda holding there. The the hernia was its

949
00:31:24,450 --> 00:31:26,930
own question, but the fatigue was like, I

950
00:31:26,930 --> 00:31:28,289
would have to stand up in all the

951
00:31:28,289 --> 00:31:30,130
lessons or any anything because I couldn't sit

952
00:31:30,130 --> 00:31:32,141
down anymore because I'd fall asleep. Like, it

953
00:31:32,370 --> 00:31:34,205
like, I'd have been microsleeps if I sat

954
00:31:34,205 --> 00:31:36,040
down. And I'm talking, like, within the first

955
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:37,875
10 seconds of sitting down. So I learned

956
00:31:37,875 --> 00:31:39,710
that unless I was permanently gonna go to

957
00:31:39,710 --> 00:31:41,545
sleep for the next couple hours, well, they

958
00:31:41,545 --> 00:31:43,380
woke you up with some yelling and screaming.

959
00:31:43,619 --> 00:31:45,140
So I was I was I was back

960
00:31:45,140 --> 00:31:46,420
against the wall, and I so I got

961
00:31:46,420 --> 00:31:47,700
a few days just before the end, and

962
00:31:47,700 --> 00:31:49,460
they pulled me across at the outside. And,

963
00:31:49,619 --> 00:31:50,200
you know,

964
00:31:50,579 --> 00:31:52,019
out of out of 100 of guys that

965
00:31:52,019 --> 00:31:53,700
we're down to, like, the last 30 guys,

966
00:31:53,700 --> 00:31:55,140
and they pulled me across, and they're like,

967
00:31:55,140 --> 00:31:55,960
look. You

968
00:31:56,284 --> 00:31:58,464
you don't have enough experience to be here.

969
00:31:58,765 --> 00:31:59,884
And I'm like, I

970
00:32:00,684 --> 00:32:02,284
yep. I tried to tell you that, guys,

971
00:32:02,524 --> 00:32:04,284
when I missed out on that course. And

972
00:32:04,284 --> 00:32:06,365
I did this surgery, but I'm like, so

973
00:32:06,365 --> 00:32:08,625
be it. That was my first, like, failure.

974
00:32:09,005 --> 00:32:10,204
I don't know if I could call it

975
00:32:10,204 --> 00:32:10,865
a failure.

976
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,680
Well, yeah, it it was definitely interesting. It

977
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,440
was for me, it was failure. How I

978
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,279
handled that was really good because I took

979
00:32:18,279 --> 00:32:19,880
it on board. It hurt. It crushed me.

980
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:21,480
It was the first time that it's like

981
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:22,619
I gave it everything,

982
00:32:23,835 --> 00:32:25,775
and and it didn't work out,

983
00:32:26,234 --> 00:32:27,994
that you know, even though I'd given it

984
00:32:27,994 --> 00:32:29,595
everything. Because for the most part before, things

985
00:32:29,595 --> 00:32:30,954
are working out because I was just putting

986
00:32:30,954 --> 00:32:32,554
in every little bit of effort. And, usually,

987
00:32:32,554 --> 00:32:35,115
when you do that, go figure. Things usually

988
00:32:35,115 --> 00:32:37,515
go your way when you legitimately hand on

989
00:32:37,515 --> 00:32:40,289
your heart, put your solid effort in. I'm

990
00:32:40,289 --> 00:32:42,130
like, man, maybe maybe I'm not good enough.

991
00:32:42,130 --> 00:32:43,329
So I went through about a couple of

992
00:32:43,329 --> 00:32:44,150
days of

993
00:32:44,609 --> 00:32:45,509
of just

994
00:32:45,970 --> 00:32:48,289
general suffering and alone time and all these

995
00:32:48,289 --> 00:32:49,410
things. And the first time in my life

996
00:32:49,410 --> 00:32:51,269
that I got any real concept of

997
00:32:51,650 --> 00:32:52,789
emotional turmoil,

998
00:32:53,974 --> 00:32:56,295
and I went through that a bit and

999
00:32:56,295 --> 00:32:57,275
had that journey.

1000
00:32:57,654 --> 00:32:58,775
So then I went to,

1001
00:32:59,174 --> 00:33:01,335
an infantry unit of my choice. They said

1002
00:33:01,335 --> 00:33:03,255
you don't have any choice you want. Went

1003
00:33:03,255 --> 00:33:04,535
to the one of my choice, which I

1004
00:33:04,535 --> 00:33:06,215
knew was a new one. I knew that

1005
00:33:06,215 --> 00:33:07,654
they'd promote me and put me through the

1006
00:33:07,654 --> 00:33:08,154
ranks

1007
00:33:08,759 --> 00:33:09,500
much quicker.

1008
00:33:10,359 --> 00:33:12,519
So what happens, you you get deployed right

1009
00:33:12,519 --> 00:33:14,920
away? When was your boots on the ground

1010
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:16,920
somewhere where you went, well, this is not

1011
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:17,900
a video game?

1012
00:33:18,359 --> 00:33:19,660
I then go to this unit.

1013
00:33:20,119 --> 00:33:22,279
I proceed to they realize that I'm like,

1014
00:33:22,279 --> 00:33:24,684
I'm I'm pretty cluey, so they proceed to

1015
00:33:24,684 --> 00:33:27,884
promote me. We can have me in put

1016
00:33:27,884 --> 00:33:30,125
me on reconnaissance courses and all these things

1017
00:33:30,125 --> 00:33:31,664
so that I'm in charge of a bunch

1018
00:33:31,884 --> 00:33:34,305
of the team, really. And, and basically,

1019
00:33:35,484 --> 00:33:37,904
I'm actually just gonna skip that special forces

1020
00:33:38,309 --> 00:33:40,149
selection, which was only gonna be a place

1021
00:33:40,149 --> 00:33:41,429
that's gonna hang out in that unit for

1022
00:33:41,429 --> 00:33:42,789
a few years and then do our next

1023
00:33:42,789 --> 00:33:45,589
special operations unit, which is the SAS. And

1024
00:33:45,589 --> 00:33:47,669
then I started training 5 to 7 times

1025
00:33:47,669 --> 00:33:50,309
a day between all my my my work

1026
00:33:50,309 --> 00:33:50,809
activities.

1027
00:33:51,429 --> 00:33:53,450
The SAS, which is the air service?

1028
00:33:54,505 --> 00:33:56,845
So you're you guys created some SEALs,

1029
00:33:57,384 --> 00:33:59,404
SEAL teams to have something like our commandos,

1030
00:33:59,545 --> 00:34:01,785
and you had then you created special forces

1031
00:34:01,785 --> 00:34:03,565
to have something similar to that as well.

1032
00:34:04,424 --> 00:34:06,825
And then you just created Delta Force to

1033
00:34:06,825 --> 00:34:08,525
to have something like the British SAS.

1034
00:34:09,099 --> 00:34:11,099
And then you created out of the SEALs,

1035
00:34:11,099 --> 00:34:12,699
you took the your best SEALs, and then

1036
00:34:12,699 --> 00:34:14,380
you created something called SEAL Team 6, which

1037
00:34:14,380 --> 00:34:16,699
was mocked after the British SAS. So it

1038
00:34:16,699 --> 00:34:19,420
was definitely like a a step above for

1039
00:34:19,420 --> 00:34:22,375
me in maturity, the ability to pursue, and

1040
00:34:22,375 --> 00:34:24,775
I'll still again, this time, I just turned

1041
00:34:24,775 --> 00:34:26,795
21. So it's like, okay.

1042
00:34:27,335 --> 00:34:29,015
Like, you've got your your seals, as you

1043
00:34:29,015 --> 00:34:30,295
know, as your whole week. Like, this is

1044
00:34:30,295 --> 00:34:32,235
3 weeks of of just rigorous

1045
00:34:32,934 --> 00:34:33,434
psychological

1046
00:34:33,735 --> 00:34:34,555
mental torture,

1047
00:34:35,414 --> 00:34:37,515
to just see every weakness in you.

1048
00:34:38,109 --> 00:34:38,609
And

1049
00:34:39,070 --> 00:34:40,510
I got injured, but the best thing happened

1050
00:34:40,510 --> 00:34:41,550
to me for the first time in my

1051
00:34:41,550 --> 00:34:42,050
career,

1052
00:34:42,510 --> 00:34:44,349
I rested and had to rest. It was

1053
00:34:44,349 --> 00:34:46,349
lower back. I couldn't run. I couldn't do

1054
00:34:46,349 --> 00:34:48,109
upper body. And the day that I knew

1055
00:34:48,109 --> 00:34:49,869
my lower back was functioning was the day

1056
00:34:49,869 --> 00:34:51,389
that I decided to pick up my pack

1057
00:34:51,389 --> 00:34:52,510
to put it on to go to the

1058
00:34:52,510 --> 00:34:54,554
airport to fly to Perth to do the

1059
00:34:54,554 --> 00:34:55,054
selection.

1060
00:34:55,755 --> 00:34:56,255
Anyway,

1061
00:34:56,795 --> 00:34:58,414
for the sheer will of the gods,

1062
00:34:58,954 --> 00:35:00,574
I, I got through.

1063
00:35:01,275 --> 00:35:02,875
I I got selected. They had a you

1064
00:35:02,875 --> 00:35:05,699
know, they had, like, about 300 70 or

1065
00:35:05,699 --> 00:35:07,780
something start, and I got down and there

1066
00:35:07,780 --> 00:35:09,539
was about 19 of us or something that

1067
00:35:09,539 --> 00:35:10,760
got selected at the end.

1068
00:35:11,059 --> 00:35:13,059
Selection, the last it's famous because the last

1069
00:35:13,059 --> 00:35:14,659
5 or 6 days without food and sleep,

1070
00:35:14,659 --> 00:35:16,659
and you're already broken at that point anyway,

1071
00:35:16,659 --> 00:35:18,179
work you to death and harass you to

1072
00:35:18,179 --> 00:35:19,960
death. Is part of that

1073
00:35:21,005 --> 00:35:23,485
breaking down, I get to sort of cohes

1074
00:35:23,485 --> 00:35:25,025
you into one functioning

1075
00:35:25,644 --> 00:35:27,885
machine and not a person because you can't

1076
00:35:27,885 --> 00:35:29,405
be a person when you have to look

1077
00:35:29,405 --> 00:35:30,925
out for all the other people. You have

1078
00:35:30,925 --> 00:35:31,744
to be functioning

1079
00:35:32,204 --> 00:35:34,045
as a unit. I get that part. But

1080
00:35:34,045 --> 00:35:35,744
is it also partially because

1081
00:35:37,179 --> 00:35:39,340
if, god forbid, someone were to be captured

1082
00:35:39,340 --> 00:35:40,079
and tortured,

1083
00:35:40,460 --> 00:35:41,980
they need to know that the people that

1084
00:35:41,980 --> 00:35:43,980
they've selected can handle that, or is that

1085
00:35:43,980 --> 00:35:46,300
just my movies movies brain going on? That's

1086
00:35:46,300 --> 00:35:47,820
that's that's part of it. They just wanna

1087
00:35:47,820 --> 00:35:50,335
know that it's the it's the most mentally

1088
00:35:50,474 --> 00:35:51,054
and physically

1089
00:35:51,355 --> 00:35:53,755
resilient person that has no concept of quitting

1090
00:35:53,755 --> 00:35:55,914
in any format and can so they need

1091
00:35:55,914 --> 00:35:57,454
to get you to a broken point,

1092
00:35:57,755 --> 00:35:59,914
completely broken. They've they've tested you as as

1093
00:35:59,914 --> 00:36:01,835
in masses for different things. Right? They got

1094
00:36:01,835 --> 00:36:03,534
100 of guys at the start. So

1095
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,340
testing you for quitting, testing you for integrity,

1096
00:36:06,559 --> 00:36:08,640
testing you against things they'll teach you. You

1097
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,079
won't sleep for a few days, then they'll

1098
00:36:10,079 --> 00:36:12,079
test you on them several days later. They

1099
00:36:12,079 --> 00:36:14,180
test in how you handle high stress scenarios,

1100
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:14,900
how you

1101
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:16,420
test like interrogations,

1102
00:36:17,385 --> 00:36:19,065
all these things. And that happens for weeks

1103
00:36:19,065 --> 00:36:22,184
until the last then then, like, 12 days

1104
00:36:22,184 --> 00:36:23,704
from the end, they'll send you out into

1105
00:36:23,704 --> 00:36:25,885
the mountains for 5 days to navigate,

1106
00:36:26,585 --> 00:36:27,085
and

1107
00:36:27,864 --> 00:36:29,945
and every day, you'll you'll walk like it's,

1108
00:36:29,945 --> 00:36:31,164
like, 30 kilometers.

1109
00:36:31,820 --> 00:36:33,659
God knows what that is in miles. And

1110
00:36:33,659 --> 00:36:36,059
then Nobody knows. No one will ever know.

1111
00:36:36,059 --> 00:36:38,159
No one will ever know. 30 kilometers,

1112
00:36:38,619 --> 00:36:41,360
and then you'll you'll also climb a mountain

1113
00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:43,500
as well. But at this point, your legs

1114
00:36:43,500 --> 00:36:45,914
don't work. You've got injuries. You're you're missing

1115
00:36:45,914 --> 00:36:47,994
part of your feet. You're like, you're we

1116
00:36:47,994 --> 00:36:48,815
lost, like,

1117
00:36:49,594 --> 00:36:50,574
33, £34

1118
00:36:51,035 --> 00:36:52,894
each just on this 3 weeks.

1119
00:36:53,434 --> 00:36:54,554
And we didn't have it to lose. We're

1120
00:36:54,554 --> 00:36:56,715
very athletic guys, like, going for their this

1121
00:36:56,715 --> 00:36:58,635
this thing of their in their their life,

1122
00:36:58,635 --> 00:37:00,449
you know, something very important to them.

1123
00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:03,170
So we all looked like sick starved dogs

1124
00:37:03,170 --> 00:37:04,150
or from a war

1125
00:37:04,449 --> 00:37:05,829
like, prisoner of war camp.

1126
00:37:06,210 --> 00:37:07,889
You know? Then they threw into 6 days

1127
00:37:07,889 --> 00:37:09,510
of, like, every day, you're carrying

1128
00:37:09,889 --> 00:37:11,889
things, like, heavier than your body weight for

1129
00:37:11,889 --> 00:37:13,109
12 hours a day.

1130
00:37:13,954 --> 00:37:16,114
And then you're building and solving problems to

1131
00:37:16,114 --> 00:37:17,635
see if you can lead a team under

1132
00:37:17,635 --> 00:37:18,135
stress,

1133
00:37:18,515 --> 00:37:20,594
see if you can everyone's a leader, so

1134
00:37:20,594 --> 00:37:21,795
everyone has to be able to lead the

1135
00:37:21,795 --> 00:37:23,795
teams. And it's like and seeing if you

1136
00:37:23,795 --> 00:37:25,715
can remember and solve problems and whatnot. And

1137
00:37:25,715 --> 00:37:26,699
then the whole night, they'll keep

1138
00:37:32,780 --> 00:37:32,831
keep you up in this, like, mock village

1139
00:37:32,831 --> 00:37:32,882
where they've got you digging a digging a

1140
00:37:32,882 --> 00:37:32,933
swimming pool for the chief or being harassed,

1141
00:37:32,940 --> 00:37:34,380
with a knife. You're just sitting there just

1142
00:37:34,460 --> 00:37:36,780
you know? And and then so you don't

1143
00:37:36,780 --> 00:37:38,619
eat. You literally you don't eat, and you

1144
00:37:38,619 --> 00:37:40,655
definitely don't sleep. Like, there's no, oh, that's

1145
00:37:40,655 --> 00:37:42,175
where you're gonna sleep. There's none of that.

1146
00:37:42,175 --> 00:37:43,934
You're actually you're sick days. You're not sleeping,

1147
00:37:43,934 --> 00:37:44,994
so you're you're pretty

1148
00:37:46,094 --> 00:37:47,875
losing it a bit by the end.

1149
00:37:48,175 --> 00:37:50,094
There is there is one meal, like, you

1150
00:37:50,094 --> 00:37:52,175
know, 2 days before the end. They it's

1151
00:37:52,175 --> 00:37:53,534
it's not really a meal. It's more of

1152
00:37:53,534 --> 00:37:55,474
just to test your results. They bring out

1153
00:37:55,900 --> 00:37:57,440
this green stew

1154
00:37:57,980 --> 00:38:00,639
that's cold, and it's just it's it's brains

1155
00:38:00,699 --> 00:38:01,760
and different organs

1156
00:38:02,139 --> 00:38:03,980
that are riddled with maggots. So they left

1157
00:38:03,980 --> 00:38:05,659
it out until the mag until the flies

1158
00:38:05,659 --> 00:38:07,739
went through it, left maggots in it. And

1159
00:38:07,739 --> 00:38:09,199
it so it's like off

1160
00:38:09,625 --> 00:38:11,625
meat with maggots through it, and you're just

1161
00:38:11,704 --> 00:38:13,625
and it's cold, and you're just expected to

1162
00:38:13,625 --> 00:38:14,905
eat as much of the maggots and it's

1163
00:38:15,065 --> 00:38:16,985
and the the brain or whatever as you

1164
00:38:16,985 --> 00:38:17,485
possibly

1165
00:38:17,864 --> 00:38:19,305
can to show that you can do it

1166
00:38:19,305 --> 00:38:21,465
in those circumstances. But you're starving, so you'll

1167
00:38:21,465 --> 00:38:22,684
eat anything at this point.

1168
00:38:23,139 --> 00:38:24,179
And you get a bit of that, and

1169
00:38:24,179 --> 00:38:25,300
then they just take it from you. So

1170
00:38:25,300 --> 00:38:26,980
you don't get a meal. They just wanna

1171
00:38:26,980 --> 00:38:28,099
know that you'll do it, and then they

1172
00:38:28,099 --> 00:38:29,780
pull it from you. So it's like you're

1173
00:38:29,780 --> 00:38:31,460
just trying to eat handfuls of maggots and

1174
00:38:31,460 --> 00:38:33,859
anything you can in any format just to

1175
00:38:33,859 --> 00:38:35,925
get any nourishment into you. I feel like

1176
00:38:35,925 --> 00:38:38,644
maggots, I get that's protein, but eating some

1177
00:38:38,644 --> 00:38:40,085
brain, I don't know if I have to

1178
00:38:40,085 --> 00:38:40,585
do

1179
00:38:41,045 --> 00:38:43,445
Maggots were maggots were fine, actually. The brain

1180
00:38:43,445 --> 00:38:45,525
was pretty random. It's the brain that freaks

1181
00:38:45,525 --> 00:38:46,184
me out.

1182
00:38:46,724 --> 00:38:48,440
They got it wrong too. So they they

1183
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:49,869
they the cooks didn't get it right because

1184
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,710
everyone's cooking this very often, and it they

1185
00:38:51,710 --> 00:38:53,630
wanted it not really cooked for us. They

1186
00:38:53,630 --> 00:38:55,309
got it wrong. So it actually gave everyone,

1187
00:38:55,309 --> 00:38:56,929
like, basically, like, low level dysentery.

1188
00:38:57,230 --> 00:38:58,750
So it was like it was it was

1189
00:38:58,750 --> 00:38:59,730
a mess thereafter.

1190
00:39:00,590 --> 00:39:01,889
Pun no pun intended.

1191
00:39:02,349 --> 00:39:03,409
So Good lord.

1192
00:39:03,869 --> 00:39:04,190
Yeah.

1193
00:39:04,829 --> 00:39:06,485
It It was it was anyway and then

1194
00:39:06,485 --> 00:39:07,385
at the end of that,

1195
00:39:07,765 --> 00:39:09,364
they, you know, we got to the end,

1196
00:39:09,364 --> 00:39:10,565
and no one had been told if they

1197
00:39:10,565 --> 00:39:12,164
were selected or not for the remainder of

1198
00:39:12,164 --> 00:39:13,844
guys that had finished. It was only, like,

1199
00:39:13,844 --> 00:39:16,005
20 something guys that finished it. We still

1200
00:39:16,005 --> 00:39:17,285
had to see if we were actually gonna

1201
00:39:17,285 --> 00:39:17,945
be selected

1202
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,240
to start the 18 months training cycle. So

1203
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:21,740
instead

1204
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,360
of ending it there and getting his medical

1205
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,039
attention, all this stuff, they were like, the

1206
00:39:26,039 --> 00:39:27,320
the guy running it wanted to see if

1207
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:28,840
he could outdo all the other instructors for

1208
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:30,539
every other year and make it even harder.

1209
00:39:30,815 --> 00:39:32,894
So we threw straight into 96 hours of

1210
00:39:32,894 --> 00:39:33,954
resistance to interrogation,

1211
00:39:34,575 --> 00:39:36,735
which is another 96 hours of no sleep

1212
00:39:36,735 --> 00:39:39,135
with the same song on blindfolded, shivering in

1213
00:39:39,135 --> 00:39:40,894
the cold on a mat. Do you remember

1214
00:39:40,894 --> 00:39:41,555
the song?

1215
00:39:42,255 --> 00:39:44,735
Yeah. It was white something from White Stripes.

1216
00:39:44,735 --> 00:39:45,875
I don't wanna hear it.

1217
00:39:46,219 --> 00:39:47,980
Like, it gave us we all had night

1218
00:39:48,539 --> 00:39:50,619
post night terrors and all this shit. Like,

1219
00:39:50,619 --> 00:39:51,199
we're all

1220
00:39:51,579 --> 00:39:53,500
yeah. By by 10 days after this, like,

1221
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:55,179
it was it was clearly they they said

1222
00:39:55,179 --> 00:39:57,179
they'd never do it again because we're already

1223
00:39:57,179 --> 00:39:59,019
pretty broken to to it turned out to

1224
00:39:59,019 --> 00:40:01,675
be torture. That there's a Commonwealth investigation into

1225
00:40:01,675 --> 00:40:02,574
it for torture.

1226
00:40:03,195 --> 00:40:05,514
It it definitely broke the lines. Those days

1227
00:40:05,514 --> 00:40:07,934
there, that one song on a repeat, so

1228
00:40:08,635 --> 00:40:10,315
so awful that, like, we just can't couldn't

1229
00:40:10,315 --> 00:40:11,594
hear it. None of our guys can hear

1230
00:40:11,594 --> 00:40:13,275
it. Like, it's like it'll it'll set us

1231
00:40:13,275 --> 00:40:15,700
off pretty quick. But then afterwards, we're having,

1232
00:40:15,700 --> 00:40:17,239
like, full blown night terrors.

1233
00:40:17,539 --> 00:40:19,320
Like, everyone was everyone was,

1234
00:40:19,619 --> 00:40:21,380
like, well, like, grow everyone pee in the

1235
00:40:21,380 --> 00:40:23,239
bed. No one had bowel control anymore.

1236
00:40:24,180 --> 00:40:26,820
Like, it's like waking up screaming. Not just

1237
00:40:26,820 --> 00:40:27,780
like it was like

1238
00:40:28,340 --> 00:40:28,500
we'd

1239
00:40:29,164 --> 00:40:31,244
they they yeah. They definitely broken the lines

1240
00:40:31,244 --> 00:40:32,925
of and they're like, cool, guys. We know

1241
00:40:32,925 --> 00:40:34,224
where the line is now.

1242
00:40:34,525 --> 00:40:36,925
It's like, hey, guys. This is it. This

1243
00:40:36,925 --> 00:40:38,364
is the line. You don't wanna go past

1244
00:40:38,364 --> 00:40:40,304
this point here, so help me god.

1245
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:43,840
The so now the yeah. Now the military

1246
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,039
knows that. And it's probably you know, you

1247
00:40:45,039 --> 00:40:46,559
guys might get a benefit off that too.

1248
00:40:46,559 --> 00:40:48,559
Strange tested it out on their own. Abu

1249
00:40:48,559 --> 00:40:50,420
Dhabi, they use that to torture

1250
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:53,039
prisoners. Yeah. Right? They Yeah. They they use

1251
00:40:53,039 --> 00:40:55,194
the same thing to to, you know, and

1252
00:40:55,194 --> 00:40:57,994
they're they're practicing and refining their techniques of

1253
00:40:57,994 --> 00:40:58,574
the intelligence

1254
00:40:58,875 --> 00:41:01,534
on us. So it's like, okay. Fuck, guys.

1255
00:41:01,674 --> 00:41:03,914
Thanks for playing. Thanks for playing, but we

1256
00:41:03,914 --> 00:41:04,655
didn't quit.

1257
00:41:05,355 --> 00:41:06,795
No one quit. We just copped it. And

1258
00:41:06,795 --> 00:41:08,780
at the end of this, we like, the

1259
00:41:08,780 --> 00:41:11,099
guy we got broken out like our commanding

1260
00:41:11,099 --> 00:41:12,800
officer of the unit we're going into.

1261
00:41:13,099 --> 00:41:15,099
This dude, he's just like badass, came and

1262
00:41:15,099 --> 00:41:16,860
did it. And just yeah. Let's not waste

1263
00:41:16,860 --> 00:41:18,699
an opportunity to us to do a really

1264
00:41:18,699 --> 00:41:19,360
good training.

1265
00:41:19,820 --> 00:41:21,260
So they had us set up in this

1266
00:41:21,260 --> 00:41:21,760
location.

1267
00:41:23,015 --> 00:41:23,855
And at the end of it, they just

1268
00:41:23,974 --> 00:41:25,255
they go, cool. We're gonna put you to

1269
00:41:25,255 --> 00:41:27,255
sleep in in line with the Geneva Convention,

1270
00:41:27,255 --> 00:41:28,454
which means they could be like, oh, we're

1271
00:41:28,454 --> 00:41:30,375
gonna give you 10 minutes sleep. But they

1272
00:41:30,375 --> 00:41:31,735
put us in there, and as soon as

1273
00:41:31,735 --> 00:41:34,135
they laid us down, like, we're we're we

1274
00:41:34,135 --> 00:41:35,655
blacked out. Right? Like, 10 days out of

1275
00:41:35,655 --> 00:41:37,139
sleep, we black out. Like, our bodies don't

1276
00:41:37,139 --> 00:41:38,900
move anymore, and, like, we're in the spirit

1277
00:41:38,900 --> 00:41:40,599
world of dreaming and our and

1278
00:41:41,059 --> 00:41:42,359
over saved up

1279
00:41:42,980 --> 00:41:45,219
REM. And, anyway, he him and this entire

1280
00:41:45,380 --> 00:41:47,219
one of the squadrons, one of the the

1281
00:41:47,219 --> 00:41:49,219
the fractions of the unit, turn it into

1282
00:41:49,219 --> 00:41:50,819
a whole mission where they set targets up

1283
00:41:50,819 --> 00:41:53,195
everywhere throughout the entire city, and we're just

1284
00:41:53,195 --> 00:41:55,675
shooting and blowing in walls and doing all

1285
00:41:55,675 --> 00:41:57,114
this stuff to, like, set up an entire

1286
00:41:57,114 --> 00:41:58,414
hostage rescue scenario

1287
00:41:58,875 --> 00:42:00,875
so that they could actually practice with what

1288
00:42:00,875 --> 00:42:02,954
it would be like live hostages that have

1289
00:42:02,954 --> 00:42:04,735
been in this scenario, kinda like what Israel's

1290
00:42:04,795 --> 00:42:06,315
going through at the moment. Right? When they

1291
00:42:06,315 --> 00:42:07,994
came in to get us, they'd never done

1292
00:42:07,994 --> 00:42:09,820
it with the, you know, these kind of

1293
00:42:09,820 --> 00:42:11,820
hostages before, so they realized we couldn't actually

1294
00:42:11,820 --> 00:42:13,359
use our legs anymore.

1295
00:42:14,059 --> 00:42:15,980
So they had to get these, you know,

1296
00:42:15,980 --> 00:42:17,980
18 or 17 guys or whatever it was

1297
00:42:17,980 --> 00:42:20,320
and drag them and carry them while shooting.

1298
00:42:20,614 --> 00:42:21,974
So it was like, you know, which is

1299
00:42:21,974 --> 00:42:23,815
part of the 18 months training. Guys have

1300
00:42:23,815 --> 00:42:24,694
to be able to pick up a grown

1301
00:42:24,694 --> 00:42:26,554
man with equipment on and carry him himself

1302
00:42:26,934 --> 00:42:28,934
whilst he does his job and run with

1303
00:42:28,934 --> 00:42:30,054
us. And like they had to do a

1304
00:42:30,054 --> 00:42:31,655
full mission profile. Anyway, and at the end

1305
00:42:31,655 --> 00:42:32,934
of it, we get this speech by this

1306
00:42:32,934 --> 00:42:34,375
guy that I can't remember, but I will

1307
00:42:34,375 --> 00:42:35,815
remember that moment for the rest of my

1308
00:42:35,815 --> 00:42:37,909
life. Like, this commanding officer was like a

1309
00:42:37,909 --> 00:42:39,429
guy that you would follow into the gates

1310
00:42:39,429 --> 00:42:40,789
of hell. You'd be like, I'm happy to

1311
00:42:40,789 --> 00:42:42,089
storm hell with this dude.

1312
00:42:42,789 --> 00:42:43,289
Wow.

1313
00:42:43,589 --> 00:42:46,230
That's a wild that's also wild. Well, okay.

1314
00:42:46,230 --> 00:42:49,109
Let's truncate a little bit. Yeah. You're you're

1315
00:42:49,109 --> 00:42:49,670
a movie

1316
00:42:50,105 --> 00:42:51,404
You're several movies,

1317
00:42:52,264 --> 00:42:53,005
I think.

1318
00:42:53,304 --> 00:42:55,464
Yeah. Tell me about so you do you

1319
00:42:55,464 --> 00:42:57,724
do 3 combat tours in Afghanistan.

1320
00:42:59,065 --> 00:43:00,125
You end up with

1321
00:43:00,904 --> 00:43:02,045
PTSD, TBI,

1322
00:43:03,890 --> 00:43:04,390
fibromyalgia.

1323
00:43:05,010 --> 00:43:07,430
I read all the different ailments that were

1324
00:43:07,969 --> 00:43:09,190
understandably I mean,

1325
00:43:09,650 --> 00:43:12,550
one could argue that those things were building

1326
00:43:12,690 --> 00:43:13,430
all along.

1327
00:43:13,890 --> 00:43:16,309
I can't even imagine 10 days without sleep,

1328
00:43:16,369 --> 00:43:18,130
what that does to the brain, first of

1329
00:43:18,130 --> 00:43:18,630
all.

1330
00:43:19,005 --> 00:43:21,244
And that was just one instant. 100%. Great

1331
00:43:21,244 --> 00:43:21,744
observation.

1332
00:43:22,444 --> 00:43:23,505
That's for sure.

1333
00:43:23,885 --> 00:43:26,144
So I finished that 18 months training.

1334
00:43:26,924 --> 00:43:27,424
I

1335
00:43:27,724 --> 00:43:29,885
I I get I I get into unit,

1336
00:43:29,885 --> 00:43:32,764
which is a significant deal for me as

1337
00:43:32,764 --> 00:43:35,410
a young man. I'm I'm like now 23,

1338
00:43:35,550 --> 00:43:36,450
just turned 23.

1339
00:43:36,989 --> 00:43:38,510
And then they're like, hey. We need some

1340
00:43:38,510 --> 00:43:39,650
guys to go to Afghan

1341
00:43:40,030 --> 00:43:41,170
for for

1342
00:43:42,030 --> 00:43:44,530
a kill capture combat deployment over this period.

1343
00:43:44,670 --> 00:43:45,969
Nick, you haven't been

1344
00:43:46,510 --> 00:43:48,110
because I'm young, and I've been busy in

1345
00:43:48,110 --> 00:43:50,234
training this whole time. And he's like they're

1346
00:43:50,234 --> 00:43:52,315
like, you wanna go? I'm like, yeah. 100%.

1347
00:43:52,315 --> 00:43:54,154
Like, I'm frothing to go. I'm like, like,

1348
00:43:54,154 --> 00:43:55,674
it would be a fight amongst us to

1349
00:43:55,674 --> 00:43:56,734
get deployed. Like,

1350
00:43:57,114 --> 00:43:59,355
we love doing our job. So the more

1351
00:43:59,355 --> 00:44:00,954
we're sitting over there, like, my first trip,

1352
00:44:00,954 --> 00:44:02,554
I didn't wanna come back. I'm like, just

1353
00:44:02,554 --> 00:44:04,554
leave me here. Permanent deployment till they shut

1354
00:44:04,554 --> 00:44:05,340
this country down.

1355
00:44:06,539 --> 00:44:09,360
And, you know, overzealous in some ways, but

1356
00:44:09,660 --> 00:44:11,579
we'll pay pay for that later. So then

1357
00:44:11,579 --> 00:44:13,340
I proceed to do that one. That was

1358
00:44:13,340 --> 00:44:15,019
what their job was, though, right, to create

1359
00:44:15,019 --> 00:44:17,500
a super soldier? Yeah. We we we went

1360
00:44:17,660 --> 00:44:19,340
we were we were pretty hungry for it.

1361
00:44:19,660 --> 00:44:21,914
They did that, and they trained us ex

1362
00:44:22,235 --> 00:44:22,735
disproportionately

1363
00:44:23,114 --> 00:44:25,535
competent to the to our enemies, like, immensely.

1364
00:44:26,235 --> 00:44:27,434
So we did that. The other thing we

1365
00:44:27,434 --> 00:44:29,595
were doing that the Americans stopped doing or

1366
00:44:29,595 --> 00:44:31,775
didn't do was we were doing day missions.

1367
00:44:32,235 --> 00:44:34,075
So we were like we worked out you

1368
00:44:34,075 --> 00:44:36,769
know, do using combat assault dogs. Like, we'd

1369
00:44:36,769 --> 00:44:38,289
have these dogs. We'd we'd do missions where

1370
00:44:38,289 --> 00:44:39,730
we'd have dogs running around and help us

1371
00:44:39,730 --> 00:44:41,089
clear cornfields and kind of be in our

1372
00:44:41,089 --> 00:44:43,109
eyes and ears in many ways. The Malinois?

1373
00:44:43,730 --> 00:44:45,329
Yeah. The Malinois. We didn't let it I

1374
00:44:45,329 --> 00:44:47,329
had one on my 3rd deployment. So I

1375
00:44:47,329 --> 00:44:47,650
didn't,

1376
00:44:48,449 --> 00:44:51,065
we didn't let the Taliban, like, gain refuge.

1377
00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:53,045
Their command is in any format. Like, for

1378
00:44:53,045 --> 00:44:54,324
often, they'd be like, oh, if they're gonna

1379
00:44:54,324 --> 00:44:56,085
come, they're gonna come at night. Like, hell

1380
00:44:56,085 --> 00:44:58,085
no. We would come in day night to

1381
00:44:58,085 --> 00:44:59,704
come ruin your good time.

1382
00:45:00,405 --> 00:45:01,684
We did not give a shit, which meant

1383
00:45:01,684 --> 00:45:04,005
that we were working round clock day night,

1384
00:45:04,005 --> 00:45:06,349
which meant that day night were completely on

1385
00:45:06,349 --> 00:45:07,869
the table. Like, we come back from 1

1386
00:45:08,110 --> 00:45:09,710
we come back from, like, 3 days of

1387
00:45:09,710 --> 00:45:11,869
no sleep with training, right, to prep for

1388
00:45:11,869 --> 00:45:13,710
that. And then we'd be like, shit. This

1389
00:45:13,710 --> 00:45:15,789
other guy has popped up. Alright. Change gear.

1390
00:45:15,789 --> 00:45:17,550
Bomb up more ammunition. Let's go again. And

1391
00:45:17,550 --> 00:45:19,250
we just roll out again. And so for

1392
00:45:19,309 --> 00:45:21,815
4 months stints, we were just doing that.

1393
00:45:21,815 --> 00:45:23,114
So I did 4 months,

1394
00:45:23,734 --> 00:45:25,494
came back, and at this point, I was

1395
00:45:25,494 --> 00:45:26,234
pretty tired.

1396
00:45:26,855 --> 00:45:27,755
I came back,

1397
00:45:28,054 --> 00:45:30,474
and then I and then but I positioned

1398
00:45:30,614 --> 00:45:31,114
myself

1399
00:45:31,494 --> 00:45:32,855
so that I come back and do a

1400
00:45:32,855 --> 00:45:35,230
course called JTAC course. Now this is a

1401
00:45:35,230 --> 00:45:37,230
whole other person's job in the military to

1402
00:45:37,230 --> 00:45:39,549
be just good at coordinating a deconflicting aircraft

1403
00:45:39,549 --> 00:45:40,289
on the battlefield

1404
00:45:40,589 --> 00:45:42,190
to drop bombs on the enemy, not on

1405
00:45:42,190 --> 00:45:43,569
your own guys, not on civilians,

1406
00:45:43,949 --> 00:45:45,809
and know how to deconflict the airspace.

1407
00:45:46,474 --> 00:45:47,994
Well, we would do that so we could

1408
00:45:47,994 --> 00:45:50,414
do that in combat on the ground simultaneously

1409
00:45:50,795 --> 00:45:51,375
as well.

1410
00:45:51,675 --> 00:45:52,414
I'm like, yep.

1411
00:45:52,715 --> 00:45:54,554
I I I wanna do that because I

1412
00:45:54,554 --> 00:45:55,994
knew if I did that, it would make

1413
00:45:55,994 --> 00:45:57,675
me more employable for people to be like,

1414
00:45:57,675 --> 00:45:58,795
Nick, we want you and our team to

1415
00:45:58,795 --> 00:46:00,779
go on the next trip. It was, like,

1416
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,000
strategic, and it worked. I did my 1st

1417
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:04,920
4 months. I came back, went straight into

1418
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:06,859
that course instead of taking leave off.

1419
00:46:07,159 --> 00:46:08,440
Did that. Got to the point where I

1420
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:11,099
was just like I I was exhausted. Right?

1421
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:13,465
And then had a this is where decompression

1422
00:46:13,605 --> 00:46:14,965
comes in. You could say all that stuff

1423
00:46:14,965 --> 00:46:16,644
in my life prior has caught up with

1424
00:46:16,644 --> 00:46:18,885
me. So then I'm like, right now, it's

1425
00:46:19,045 --> 00:46:21,125
I still haven't decompressed from what I just

1426
00:46:21,125 --> 00:46:22,965
gone through. Right? Like, as in combat, killed

1427
00:46:22,965 --> 00:46:24,819
my first man on day 4, and then

1428
00:46:24,819 --> 00:46:27,139
the combat just kept going after that. So

1429
00:46:27,139 --> 00:46:28,119
it was, like, pretty

1430
00:46:28,659 --> 00:46:29,059
pretty,

1431
00:46:29,539 --> 00:46:31,239
pretty intense, you could say.

1432
00:46:31,859 --> 00:46:34,659
And then the decompression looked awful lot like

1433
00:46:34,659 --> 00:46:36,199
me flying out of Australia,

1434
00:46:36,500 --> 00:46:37,960
the 2 mates from the unit,

1435
00:46:38,295 --> 00:46:38,795
going

1436
00:46:39,255 --> 00:46:40,934
to LA for, like, 6 days, going to

1437
00:46:40,934 --> 00:46:42,315
Vegas for, like, 7 days,

1438
00:46:42,614 --> 00:46:44,135
going to San Diego and back to LA

1439
00:46:44,135 --> 00:46:46,394
and drinking pretty much and drinking every day.

1440
00:46:46,614 --> 00:46:48,694
Like, it was like the the decompression was

1441
00:46:48,694 --> 00:46:50,054
that, and it was you know, there was

1442
00:46:50,054 --> 00:46:51,755
a few starting to be a few

1443
00:46:52,260 --> 00:46:54,760
rocky elements there that you're like, right. Things

1444
00:46:55,619 --> 00:46:57,300
aren't that great, but, you know, this will

1445
00:46:57,300 --> 00:46:59,159
blow over. Yeah. Decompression

1446
00:46:59,619 --> 00:47:01,880
equals Compression is self medication,

1447
00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:03,640
really. Yeah.

1448
00:47:04,019 --> 00:47:05,699
And I so so I proceeded to go

1449
00:47:05,699 --> 00:47:06,599
straight back into

1450
00:47:06,945 --> 00:47:08,644
went back straight back into Afghanistan

1451
00:47:09,184 --> 00:47:11,344
for fighting season this time, which is, you

1452
00:47:11,344 --> 00:47:14,065
know, somehow even busier. And that there was

1453
00:47:14,065 --> 00:47:15,045
definitely busy.

1454
00:47:15,585 --> 00:47:17,985
And did that for 4 months. And at

1455
00:47:17,985 --> 00:47:19,184
the end of that, I was like, alright.

1456
00:47:19,184 --> 00:47:21,105
I haven't taken leave pretty much my entire

1457
00:47:21,105 --> 00:47:23,389
career at this point voluntarily in any capacity.

1458
00:47:23,690 --> 00:47:25,449
So I had all this leave and time

1459
00:47:25,449 --> 00:47:26,909
saved up, so I took about

1460
00:47:27,210 --> 00:47:29,550
took about, like, about 10 weeks.

1461
00:47:30,250 --> 00:47:32,329
I had an actual decompression where I just

1462
00:47:32,329 --> 00:47:33,929
forgot that I was a soldier with my

1463
00:47:33,929 --> 00:47:36,329
brother and 2 dear civilian friends and traveled

1464
00:47:36,329 --> 00:47:39,058
around from you know, we we we arrived

1465
00:47:39,058 --> 00:47:41,202
in in Miami, went through the South of

1466
00:47:41,202 --> 00:47:43,346
America a little bit, and then went to

1467
00:47:43,346 --> 00:47:45,490
all South America, hung out there, came back,

1468
00:47:45,490 --> 00:47:47,634
got a dog, got trained up on how

1469
00:47:47,634 --> 00:47:49,777
to do the dog. So now I'm coordinating,

1470
00:47:49,777 --> 00:47:52,210
doing it my entire extremely complex job as

1471
00:47:52,210 --> 00:47:52,950
an operator,

1472
00:47:53,570 --> 00:47:57,250
plus JTAC, coordinating aircraft, plus dog handling. I

1473
00:47:57,250 --> 00:47:59,970
definitely bitten off more responsibilities than anyone actually

1474
00:47:59,970 --> 00:48:01,030
needs to bite off.

1475
00:48:01,489 --> 00:48:02,150
It's fine.

1476
00:48:02,610 --> 00:48:04,150
It's part of the bearing of emotions.

1477
00:48:04,485 --> 00:48:06,805
I'm not interested in developing a relationship. I

1478
00:48:06,805 --> 00:48:07,945
have the extra time.

1479
00:48:08,325 --> 00:48:08,565
So

1480
00:48:09,364 --> 00:48:10,885
Well, you have to have a relationship with

1481
00:48:10,885 --> 00:48:12,025
your dog, obviously.

1482
00:48:12,644 --> 00:48:13,925
We had to bond with the dog. A

1483
00:48:13,925 --> 00:48:15,605
lot of work. A lot of work. A

1484
00:48:15,605 --> 00:48:17,465
lot of work. Went to deploy with him.

1485
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:19,519
And then the third one was where I

1486
00:48:19,519 --> 00:48:21,119
probably saw some of the shit that I

1487
00:48:21,119 --> 00:48:22,800
wished I didn't see as much, and it

1488
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:24,320
caught up with me at that point. So

1489
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:25,699
at the end of that one

1490
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:27,619
You mean human suffering?

1491
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:30,255
Yeah. Some some some death.

1492
00:48:31,054 --> 00:48:33,054
Yeah. It was it was it not definitely

1493
00:48:33,054 --> 00:48:34,255
seen it in every other one. It was

1494
00:48:34,255 --> 00:48:35,614
just some of the memories from that one,

1495
00:48:35,614 --> 00:48:36,974
like, seem to live on a little bit

1496
00:48:36,974 --> 00:48:39,154
more than than the other deployments. Right?

1497
00:48:39,454 --> 00:48:41,394
Like, it's it was it was more collateral.

1498
00:48:42,014 --> 00:48:42,574
You know?

1499
00:48:43,134 --> 00:48:44,369
And it was just like

1500
00:48:44,769 --> 00:48:45,269
civilians,

1501
00:48:45,809 --> 00:48:47,650
kids, shit like that. It was just like,

1502
00:48:47,650 --> 00:48:50,050
fuck my life, in that regard. The thing

1503
00:48:50,050 --> 00:48:53,030
that is always strikes me is, for any

1504
00:48:53,490 --> 00:48:55,349
military person that I speak with,

1505
00:48:55,890 --> 00:48:58,309
is that it's clear that the military

1506
00:48:58,610 --> 00:49:01,704
creates a person or sort of almost an

1507
00:49:01,704 --> 00:49:03,885
absence of person in order to

1508
00:49:04,664 --> 00:49:05,164
rewire

1509
00:49:06,025 --> 00:49:08,045
our golden rule understanding.

1510
00:49:08,425 --> 00:49:11,144
That's just inherent of morality of being a

1511
00:49:11,144 --> 00:49:12,364
person on the planet.

1512
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,699
They have to restructure that in your mind

1513
00:49:16,079 --> 00:49:17,380
and create someone that

1514
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:18,260
kills,

1515
00:49:18,639 --> 00:49:21,300
but kills in in a just quote unquote

1516
00:49:21,359 --> 00:49:23,519
way. Yeah. But we all know that that's

1517
00:49:23,519 --> 00:49:25,664
not what war looks like. It looks like

1518
00:49:25,664 --> 00:49:28,144
chaos. It's like, you know, it's it looks

1519
00:49:28,144 --> 00:49:28,644
like

1520
00:49:29,265 --> 00:49:30,724
it's not a Michael,

1521
00:49:31,105 --> 00:49:34,224
Michael Bay movie where everything's just perfectly organized

1522
00:49:34,224 --> 00:49:37,025
systems and technology, like targeting exact everything like

1523
00:49:37,489 --> 00:49:39,010
so those though and, you know, and any

1524
00:49:39,010 --> 00:49:40,609
of the collateral that I saw, you know,

1525
00:49:40,609 --> 00:49:42,710
I had it wasn't it wasn't myself.

1526
00:49:43,329 --> 00:49:45,329
That's when it became the hardest when it's

1527
00:49:45,329 --> 00:49:46,469
like it's not

1528
00:49:47,489 --> 00:49:49,089
it's it's like kind of like an enemy

1529
00:49:49,089 --> 00:49:51,344
fault, but you're still dealing with the consequence

1530
00:49:51,344 --> 00:49:52,704
of what they did, and that's when it's

1531
00:49:52,704 --> 00:49:54,244
kind of creates this frustration.

1532
00:49:54,864 --> 00:49:57,605
Yeah. I mean, they use children as bombs.

1533
00:49:58,304 --> 00:50:00,625
Yeah. Yeah. In in Iraq and yeah. There

1534
00:50:00,625 --> 00:50:03,184
was just yeah. His father uses he had,

1535
00:50:03,184 --> 00:50:05,549
like, a Yeah. Anyway, we're going You don't

1536
00:50:05,549 --> 00:50:07,069
have to talk about it. No. It's okay.

1537
00:50:07,069 --> 00:50:09,069
But I get what you're saying. Yeah. It's

1538
00:50:09,150 --> 00:50:10,429
so and then at the end of that,

1539
00:50:10,429 --> 00:50:11,549
I came back, and I'm like

1540
00:50:12,429 --> 00:50:14,269
and I like, on that 3rd trip, like,

1541
00:50:14,269 --> 00:50:16,215
I also taught myself Spanish. I was I

1542
00:50:16,215 --> 00:50:18,215
was training a dog. I was doing missions

1543
00:50:18,215 --> 00:50:19,655
con constantly. I was training at the gym

1544
00:50:19,655 --> 00:50:21,835
2 to 3 times a day. I was

1545
00:50:22,135 --> 00:50:24,135
commanding aircraft in the command center because we

1546
00:50:24,135 --> 00:50:25,974
didn't trust anyone else to command as diligently

1547
00:50:25,974 --> 00:50:27,655
as our guys if we were available because

1548
00:50:27,655 --> 00:50:29,575
we're like, who's gonna find fixed location of

1549
00:50:29,575 --> 00:50:31,219
these guys better than us? So we recorded

1550
00:50:31,219 --> 00:50:33,139
any multiple drones and and aircraft in the

1551
00:50:33,139 --> 00:50:35,299
air whilst working with our team. So that

1552
00:50:35,299 --> 00:50:36,500
when I got on the ground, I could

1553
00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:39,139
be like, I've been coordinating that aircraft, and

1554
00:50:39,139 --> 00:50:40,579
I've been seeing him dig a hole in

1555
00:50:40,579 --> 00:50:42,659
that position every fucking night and going out

1556
00:50:42,659 --> 00:50:45,535
touching it. Do not go there. Not everyone's

1557
00:50:45,535 --> 00:50:47,295
like a leader in this organization at, like,

1558
00:50:47,295 --> 00:50:49,295
a roundtable of some capacity. But I could

1559
00:50:49,295 --> 00:50:50,335
stand there in front of everyone and be

1560
00:50:50,335 --> 00:50:52,015
like, do not go near that. I've been

1561
00:50:52,015 --> 00:50:53,954
watching this guy for the last several nights.

1562
00:50:54,494 --> 00:50:55,775
Go out there to whatever the hell is

1563
00:50:55,775 --> 00:50:57,695
being dug there and do something every night.

1564
00:50:57,695 --> 00:50:58,949
And usually, they set, like,

1565
00:50:59,429 --> 00:51:01,589
booby traps. No. Let's just say booby trap.

1566
00:51:01,589 --> 00:51:02,089
ID

1567
00:51:02,949 --> 00:51:04,710
with a with a plate that sets it

1568
00:51:04,710 --> 00:51:06,230
off so that if anyone does come at

1569
00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:07,369
night, because they're expecting,

1570
00:51:07,989 --> 00:51:09,829
for the most part, US and British or

1571
00:51:09,829 --> 00:51:11,670
whoever, but the strains will go on the

1572
00:51:11,670 --> 00:51:13,484
day. But if we did do a night

1573
00:51:13,484 --> 00:51:15,164
mission because we we we think it's you

1574
00:51:15,164 --> 00:51:16,924
know, because that's the opportunity, it would be

1575
00:51:16,924 --> 00:51:17,984
like, don't go there.

1576
00:51:18,284 --> 00:51:20,444
Find another way in because that looks dodgy

1577
00:51:20,444 --> 00:51:21,105
as hell.

1578
00:51:21,885 --> 00:51:24,065
But I was doing all my job,

1579
00:51:24,570 --> 00:51:26,890
all the training, all the missions, all the

1580
00:51:26,890 --> 00:51:30,010
athleticism required, the dog energy users because they

1581
00:51:30,010 --> 00:51:31,849
run so much. You've gotta run with them.

1582
00:51:31,849 --> 00:51:34,250
They're brilliant dogs. They're brilliant, but they got

1583
00:51:34,250 --> 00:51:35,610
so much energy. I used to take him

1584
00:51:35,610 --> 00:51:37,450
to the treadmill, and he'd he'd run an

1585
00:51:37,450 --> 00:51:38,670
hour and a half on the treadmill

1586
00:51:39,369 --> 00:51:39,869
elevated,

1587
00:51:40,864 --> 00:51:42,424
or like we'd run around the we'd like

1588
00:51:42,545 --> 00:51:44,385
we'd go on full gear together, his little

1589
00:51:44,385 --> 00:51:46,864
his little entire strap chest with his camera

1590
00:51:46,864 --> 00:51:48,784
and stuff. He'd put a muzzle on. I'd

1591
00:51:48,784 --> 00:51:50,545
put a I'd put a mask on, and

1592
00:51:50,545 --> 00:51:51,905
we'd run over everything. We'd just do a

1593
00:51:51,905 --> 00:51:54,065
lap of the airfields in the sun just

1594
00:51:54,065 --> 00:51:55,750
so I could, like, try to kill some

1595
00:51:55,750 --> 00:51:57,590
of his energy. So I was burned out.

1596
00:51:57,590 --> 00:51:58,550
I get to the end of it. I'm

1597
00:51:58,550 --> 00:52:00,230
emotionally and physically burned out. And so I'm

1598
00:52:00,230 --> 00:52:02,470
starting to realize that I've got my my

1599
00:52:02,470 --> 00:52:04,470
tether where I can run out of of

1600
00:52:04,470 --> 00:52:07,269
energy in many regards. And I finished that

1601
00:52:07,269 --> 00:52:08,329
that last deployment.

1602
00:52:09,164 --> 00:52:10,445
And then all of a sudden, I start

1603
00:52:10,445 --> 00:52:12,605
feeling tired. But instead of having time off,

1604
00:52:12,605 --> 00:52:15,025
they throw us straight into some counterterrorism training

1605
00:52:15,724 --> 00:52:16,925
to get us up to speed with a

1606
00:52:16,925 --> 00:52:19,164
handover to take counterterrorism and and and just

1607
00:52:19,164 --> 00:52:21,425
hold that down domestically for the most part.

1608
00:52:22,199 --> 00:52:24,039
Well, that was when I that's when I

1609
00:52:24,359 --> 00:52:26,139
you know, my energy and

1610
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:27,820
my my

1611
00:52:28,199 --> 00:52:30,039
resistance of this was just started to take

1612
00:52:30,039 --> 00:52:31,800
a huge hit of fatigue. Like, I'm like,

1613
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:32,300
I'm

1614
00:52:32,599 --> 00:52:34,599
I'm pretty damn shattered, guys. I've just done

1615
00:52:34,599 --> 00:52:36,039
3 of these trips in 2 years and

1616
00:52:36,039 --> 00:52:37,601
all this training and everything else in between

1617
00:52:37,601 --> 00:52:38,315
and and, like,

1618
00:52:39,255 --> 00:52:39,914
you know,

1619
00:52:40,295 --> 00:52:42,295
all these other anti terrorism stuff. And it

1620
00:52:42,295 --> 00:52:44,135
was just like, guys and and also with

1621
00:52:44,135 --> 00:52:45,815
deployments to Asia and all these other things.

1622
00:52:45,815 --> 00:52:46,795
I'm like, I'm pretty

1623
00:52:47,494 --> 00:52:49,114
wrecked, and they're like, no one cares,

1624
00:52:49,569 --> 00:52:51,030
which they don't, which is fine.

1625
00:52:51,969 --> 00:52:53,569
I did it, and at the end of

1626
00:52:53,569 --> 00:52:55,089
it, I I I remember this day on

1627
00:52:55,089 --> 00:52:57,589
the last night that I started walking towards,

1628
00:52:58,929 --> 00:53:00,849
a vehicle to go home. And I'm the

1629
00:53:00,849 --> 00:53:02,369
last guy to leave most of the time

1630
00:53:02,369 --> 00:53:03,684
because I got the dog. I gotta take

1631
00:53:03,684 --> 00:53:05,204
care of everything else, and I'm now also

1632
00:53:05,204 --> 00:53:06,885
gonna take care of another half a human

1633
00:53:06,885 --> 00:53:08,804
being and and make sure he's fed and

1634
00:53:08,804 --> 00:53:09,464
he's good.

1635
00:53:10,484 --> 00:53:12,164
And I start walking towards the car, and

1636
00:53:12,164 --> 00:53:12,824
I just

1637
00:53:13,364 --> 00:53:14,565
it was it's like as I

1638
00:53:15,300 --> 00:53:17,539
the car is only, like, 200 yards away,

1639
00:53:17,539 --> 00:53:19,940
max 250. And as I start getting closer

1640
00:53:19,940 --> 00:53:21,719
to it, and I'm probably only a 100,

1641
00:53:22,099 --> 00:53:23,000
I just start

1642
00:53:23,539 --> 00:53:24,679
breaking down crying.

1643
00:53:24,980 --> 00:53:26,340
And I'm like, I I I had no

1644
00:53:26,340 --> 00:53:28,679
idea, like, my energy, my fatigue,

1645
00:53:29,285 --> 00:53:31,364
everything, it just burst at this point. It's

1646
00:53:31,364 --> 00:53:32,585
like I'm just walking

1647
00:53:33,364 --> 00:53:36,085
and, like, stumbling along, just trying to hold

1648
00:53:36,085 --> 00:53:37,844
it together. And I'm like and and that's

1649
00:53:37,844 --> 00:53:39,704
when I I was like, oh, man. I'm

1650
00:53:40,085 --> 00:53:41,605
I might be pretty tired here. I'm not

1651
00:53:41,605 --> 00:53:43,045
doing I'm not doing too good. I think

1652
00:53:43,045 --> 00:53:44,344
I might need to rest.

1653
00:53:45,230 --> 00:53:47,710
So then I'm like, okay. I cashed in

1654
00:53:47,710 --> 00:53:49,170
all my holidays

1655
00:53:49,630 --> 00:53:51,650
and leave and everything saved up.

1656
00:53:52,670 --> 00:53:54,349
And in a few months, I'd I planned

1657
00:53:54,349 --> 00:53:56,030
it so that I would go to

1658
00:53:56,909 --> 00:53:58,510
I'd I'd leave the country, and I'd have,

1659
00:53:58,510 --> 00:53:59,809
like, 10 a half months

1660
00:54:00,405 --> 00:54:02,005
out of the out of the unit. Like

1661
00:54:02,005 --> 00:54:03,864
like because in Australia, you don't get

1662
00:54:04,164 --> 00:54:05,844
you don't get bonuses and stuff for staying

1663
00:54:05,844 --> 00:54:07,285
around longer. What you do is they give

1664
00:54:07,285 --> 00:54:08,105
you 3 months

1665
00:54:08,565 --> 00:54:10,664
long leave if you've spent 10 years serving.

1666
00:54:11,125 --> 00:54:12,804
I've got in young. So at this point,

1667
00:54:12,804 --> 00:54:14,744
I'm like, you know, about 27,

1668
00:54:15,590 --> 00:54:17,989
and I've been in for the 10 years.

1669
00:54:17,989 --> 00:54:20,550
And never really taken a break? Never taken

1670
00:54:20,550 --> 00:54:22,230
a break. Like, you you'd have to make

1671
00:54:22,230 --> 00:54:23,829
me. So I took this. And as I

1672
00:54:23,829 --> 00:54:25,429
started going to all of that, I started

1673
00:54:25,429 --> 00:54:25,929
encountering

1674
00:54:26,230 --> 00:54:27,349
I went to a doctor and I was

1675
00:54:27,349 --> 00:54:29,804
like, I'm feel, like, really tired at the

1676
00:54:29,804 --> 00:54:30,304
core.

1677
00:54:30,605 --> 00:54:32,204
Like, I just, like not even not a

1678
00:54:32,204 --> 00:54:33,184
fatigue anymore.

1679
00:54:33,724 --> 00:54:35,344
He's like, oh, it's chronic fatigue

1680
00:54:35,724 --> 00:54:37,324
syndrome. So I'm like, okay. What do you

1681
00:54:37,324 --> 00:54:39,005
do? He's like, just rest. I'm like, alright.

1682
00:54:39,005 --> 00:54:40,764
Well, I've got time off coming up, so

1683
00:54:40,764 --> 00:54:41,985
I guess I'll just rest.

1684
00:54:42,710 --> 00:54:44,389
Anyway, I took the time off, and I

1685
00:54:44,389 --> 00:54:45,829
I went to some Europe for a bit,

1686
00:54:45,829 --> 00:54:47,750
and I settled mostly in Miami and down

1687
00:54:47,750 --> 00:54:49,190
there on the beach and just hanging out

1688
00:54:49,190 --> 00:54:51,589
and chilling and not really focusing too much

1689
00:54:51,589 --> 00:54:52,089
on

1690
00:54:52,389 --> 00:54:54,409
the military stuff and resting. But

1691
00:54:54,844 --> 00:54:56,464
what happened was I started getting

1692
00:54:57,005 --> 00:54:58,944
the fatigue started turning into,

1693
00:54:59,885 --> 00:55:01,184
like, like, anxiousness,

1694
00:55:01,724 --> 00:55:03,565
and then I started turning into, like I

1695
00:55:03,565 --> 00:55:05,184
couldn't sit in the cinema anymore.

1696
00:55:06,045 --> 00:55:08,284
I remember watching the the movie, the American

1697
00:55:08,284 --> 00:55:10,170
sniper, and I couldn't sit in the front.

1698
00:55:10,170 --> 00:55:11,849
I I wanted to leave. I was rocking.

1699
00:55:11,849 --> 00:55:12,429
I was

1700
00:55:12,730 --> 00:55:14,969
shaking. That that's what started first was the

1701
00:55:14,969 --> 00:55:17,630
anxiety around it. That became a thing

1702
00:55:18,010 --> 00:55:20,349
and became really, really difficult to deal with.

1703
00:55:20,730 --> 00:55:22,650
And then, you know, the fatigue didn't go

1704
00:55:22,650 --> 00:55:23,150
away.

1705
00:55:23,704 --> 00:55:25,065
And then after that period of time, I

1706
00:55:25,065 --> 00:55:26,824
went back. What happened was I I I

1707
00:55:26,824 --> 00:55:28,344
met a girl. I started dating a girl.

1708
00:55:28,344 --> 00:55:30,284
I had my really my first relationship.

1709
00:55:32,105 --> 00:55:34,264
That must have been interesting too because you

1710
00:55:34,264 --> 00:55:36,045
didn't really have all the socialization

1711
00:55:36,824 --> 00:55:39,005
skills that happened throughout the first

1712
00:55:39,429 --> 00:55:39,929
10,

1713
00:55:40,949 --> 00:55:42,250
15 years of dating.

1714
00:55:42,789 --> 00:55:46,150
Let's say I had the ability to court

1715
00:55:46,150 --> 00:55:46,809
a girl

1716
00:55:47,190 --> 00:55:49,110
like, like, you know, I was living a

1717
00:55:49,110 --> 00:55:51,530
rock star life of some kind and completely

1718
00:55:52,905 --> 00:55:53,405
unattached.

1719
00:55:54,344 --> 00:55:56,184
And I had that element, but I didn't

1720
00:55:56,184 --> 00:55:58,344
have any relationship building skills, and I'd never

1721
00:55:58,344 --> 00:56:00,285
seen a healthy relationship as such.

1722
00:56:00,824 --> 00:56:02,184
However, when I was in Miami, I had

1723
00:56:02,184 --> 00:56:03,864
2 dear friends of mine who were who

1724
00:56:03,864 --> 00:56:05,849
were, like, probably 20 years older than me,

1725
00:56:06,010 --> 00:56:07,050
And he was a mate and his wife,

1726
00:56:07,050 --> 00:56:08,489
and they were just they were awesome. And

1727
00:56:08,489 --> 00:56:09,769
we would always hang out and go on

1728
00:56:09,769 --> 00:56:11,530
adventures together. They were and he he's like

1729
00:56:11,530 --> 00:56:13,789
a very certainly successful guy,

1730
00:56:14,570 --> 00:56:17,470
and but just also really grounded and spiritual

1731
00:56:17,945 --> 00:56:20,184
and collected and has 5 kids for, like,

1732
00:56:20,184 --> 00:56:22,585
just beautiful healthy kids. Like, apples don't fall

1733
00:56:22,585 --> 00:56:23,724
far from the tree. Right?

1734
00:56:24,264 --> 00:56:26,505
So really gave me kinda like this this

1735
00:56:26,505 --> 00:56:28,844
person I could model, something like that off.

1736
00:56:28,985 --> 00:56:30,985
Ended up getting this this girl in my

1737
00:56:30,985 --> 00:56:31,980
life, and she was

1738
00:56:32,539 --> 00:56:34,619
she she's she's adorable. She's great great girl.

1739
00:56:34,619 --> 00:56:35,760
Right? But

1740
00:56:36,059 --> 00:56:37,500
the tough part is for the first time

1741
00:56:37,500 --> 00:56:38,940
in my life, I'm now learning how to

1742
00:56:38,940 --> 00:56:39,840
use emotions.

1743
00:56:40,219 --> 00:56:43,359
And I'm also starting to stampede towards PTSD

1744
00:56:43,500 --> 00:56:45,760
and and going through all those psychological

1745
00:56:46,139 --> 00:56:48,344
chaos to get there. Did any part of

1746
00:56:48,344 --> 00:56:51,065
you recognize it because of your dad? Did

1747
00:56:51,065 --> 00:56:52,744
you have any kind of because you were

1748
00:56:52,744 --> 00:56:54,985
so young. I guess you wouldn't have. Yeah.

1749
00:56:54,985 --> 00:56:57,005
No idea. I and I just

1750
00:56:57,465 --> 00:56:58,204
it became

1751
00:56:58,744 --> 00:57:00,824
like this beautiful artwork of chaos of me

1752
00:57:00,824 --> 00:57:02,570
trying to work out. You know? Like, I'm

1753
00:57:02,570 --> 00:57:04,010
not I'm not crazy. I'm not like a

1754
00:57:04,010 --> 00:57:05,449
a person screaming in the streets. It's not

1755
00:57:05,449 --> 00:57:07,210
my vibe. Right? But when I lose it,

1756
00:57:07,210 --> 00:57:08,889
it's, like, really trying to understand why my

1757
00:57:08,889 --> 00:57:09,389
mind

1758
00:57:09,929 --> 00:57:12,889
like, I I started sleeping, like, 19 hours

1759
00:57:12,889 --> 00:57:13,550
a day

1760
00:57:13,849 --> 00:57:14,349
in

1761
00:57:14,835 --> 00:57:16,914
truly deep sleep. There's no REM. There's no

1762
00:57:16,914 --> 00:57:18,514
light sleep. Like, I lay down. I am

1763
00:57:18,514 --> 00:57:20,434
out. My body doesn't know any of the

1764
00:57:20,434 --> 00:57:21,255
other factors.

1765
00:57:22,275 --> 00:57:22,775
I,

1766
00:57:23,234 --> 00:57:25,315
you know, I mean, I I start start

1767
00:57:25,394 --> 00:57:26,594
I'll be in a car with her, and

1768
00:57:26,594 --> 00:57:28,114
then I and I and, like, and I'll

1769
00:57:28,114 --> 00:57:30,260
just start breaking down crying,

1770
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:31,599
and she doesn't know what the hell is

1771
00:57:31,599 --> 00:57:32,719
going on and on. And she's like, what's

1772
00:57:32,719 --> 00:57:34,719
wrong? I'm like, I don't know. I don't

1773
00:57:34,719 --> 00:57:36,420
know. I I have no idea what's happening.

1774
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:39,199
And, eventually, this happened over the next I

1775
00:57:39,199 --> 00:57:40,640
got went back to the unit, and this

1776
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:42,320
kinda happened over the next year as I

1777
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:43,664
was trying to hide it and almost got

1778
00:57:43,744 --> 00:57:45,364
deployed for the whole lysis thing

1779
00:57:45,824 --> 00:57:47,664
and and and a few other things. And

1780
00:57:47,664 --> 00:57:47,985
it was,

1781
00:57:49,105 --> 00:57:50,465
and I was trying to make it all

1782
00:57:50,465 --> 00:57:51,824
work so I could do this job, and

1783
00:57:51,824 --> 00:57:53,925
the job kinda distracted me enough. But

1784
00:57:54,224 --> 00:57:55,905
at this point, I got diagnosed with a

1785
00:57:55,905 --> 00:57:57,844
chronic fatigue again, then I got fibromyalgia.

1786
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:00,969
And then I eventually, you know, had this

1787
00:58:00,969 --> 00:58:03,210
psychiatrist that I I had to see, and

1788
00:58:03,210 --> 00:58:04,829
and it was getting to the point of

1789
00:58:05,130 --> 00:58:07,849
the full blown PTSD scenario. Right? But I

1790
00:58:07,849 --> 00:58:09,449
let it get to a point due to

1791
00:58:09,449 --> 00:58:10,190
my resilience,

1792
00:58:10,824 --> 00:58:12,585
you know, which is now no longer a

1793
00:58:12,585 --> 00:58:14,025
superpower at this point in my life. It's

1794
00:58:14,025 --> 00:58:15,644
starting to become not a superpower.

1795
00:58:16,105 --> 00:58:17,304
Mhmm. I let it get to a point

1796
00:58:17,304 --> 00:58:18,765
where I had a full blown

1797
00:58:19,465 --> 00:58:21,304
like, I I couldn't drive in a straight

1798
00:58:21,304 --> 00:58:23,704
line anymore. I couldn't remember names. I couldn't

1799
00:58:23,704 --> 00:58:25,385
remember long distance thing, like like,

1800
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:27,019
long memory,

1801
00:58:27,559 --> 00:58:28,380
medium memory.

1802
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:32,360
Everything was foggy. It it was like All

1803
00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:34,699
the trauma was coming to a head, basically.

1804
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:36,599
Yeah. It was getting pretty heavy at this

1805
00:58:36,599 --> 00:58:38,934
point. Oh, flooding your brain. I proceed to

1806
00:58:38,934 --> 00:58:40,694
start I I'm I'm breaking down crying 15

1807
00:58:40,694 --> 00:58:42,214
times a day. While I'm in there, I'm

1808
00:58:42,214 --> 00:58:43,974
like, I'm gonna do this job because no

1809
00:58:43,974 --> 00:58:45,654
one is gonna watch no one's gonna go

1810
00:58:45,654 --> 00:58:46,694
to war and no one's gonna watch my

1811
00:58:46,694 --> 00:58:48,694
body's back better than me. No one is

1812
00:58:48,694 --> 00:58:51,179
as good. No one identifies that pressure plate.

1813
00:58:51,579 --> 00:58:53,039
No one remembers this.

1814
00:58:53,500 --> 00:58:55,500
Like, we cleared this village that last time

1815
00:58:55,500 --> 00:58:57,739
my my my squadron went there. They killed

1816
00:58:57,739 --> 00:58:59,739
81 dudes. So we go back to clear

1817
00:58:59,739 --> 00:59:01,420
it, and I'm like, there is a there

1818
00:59:01,420 --> 00:59:02,400
is a small,

1819
00:59:03,099 --> 00:59:05,440
tiny tree line there that you guys missed.

1820
00:59:05,885 --> 00:59:07,804
And I'm like and I think someone should

1821
00:59:07,804 --> 00:59:09,005
go back and clear it. And it's like

1822
00:59:09,005 --> 00:59:10,364
they go back clear it. There's 2 Taliban

1823
00:59:10,364 --> 00:59:11,964
laying there in ambush. Right? They would have

1824
00:59:11,964 --> 00:59:13,204
they would have killed, like, 4 or 5

1825
00:59:13,204 --> 00:59:14,925
of our guys or maybe even shut off

1826
00:59:14,925 --> 00:59:16,204
the helicopter on the way out. So it's

1827
00:59:16,204 --> 00:59:18,525
like the little details that I remember and

1828
00:59:18,525 --> 00:59:19,025
know

1829
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:21,000
that about the the things that I added

1830
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:22,280
to keep guys alive. I'm like, no one

1831
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:24,119
will watch them better than me. No one.

1832
00:59:24,119 --> 00:59:25,640
So it's like I do it until I'm

1833
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:27,239
at breaking point and can no longer do

1834
00:59:27,239 --> 00:59:29,000
it, and that's what I did. Were you

1835
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:30,599
still with the girlfriend at this time? Was

1836
00:59:30,599 --> 00:59:32,140
she able to handle

1837
00:59:32,885 --> 00:59:35,204
that? No. No. She that had separated several

1838
00:59:35,204 --> 00:59:36,025
months before

1839
00:59:36,324 --> 00:59:37,764
where it kinda came to a head where

1840
00:59:37,764 --> 00:59:39,764
it was just like, I I can't keep

1841
00:59:39,764 --> 00:59:41,925
myself alive and do this. And she's like

1842
00:59:42,324 --> 00:59:43,704
Did your CEO notice

1843
00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:44,664
stuff?

1844
00:59:45,125 --> 00:59:47,125
No. No one noticed. I kept it so

1845
00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:47,625
hidden.

1846
00:59:49,070 --> 00:59:50,510
Kept it so hidden until I had to

1847
00:59:50,510 --> 00:59:52,989
just walk into the office of of my

1848
00:59:52,989 --> 00:59:54,849
commanding officer and be like, hey.

1849
00:59:55,550 --> 00:59:57,010
I'm really not good.

1850
00:59:57,390 --> 00:59:59,470
And even then even then doing that, it

1851
00:59:59,550 --> 01:00:00,989
like, he could he could see it in

1852
01:00:00,989 --> 01:00:02,510
my face at that point. He's like, holy

1853
01:00:02,510 --> 01:00:04,804
shit. You're yeah. Okay. Fuck. No one's been

1854
01:00:04,864 --> 01:00:06,224
no one's been taking the time to look

1855
01:00:06,224 --> 01:00:08,224
at you. Like and they they deliberately we

1856
01:00:08,224 --> 01:00:09,664
do that for each other in a sense

1857
01:00:09,664 --> 01:00:10,644
that it's like

1858
01:00:11,744 --> 01:00:12,644
the guys

1859
01:00:14,065 --> 01:00:16,704
will help each other medically stay in the

1860
01:00:16,704 --> 01:00:18,539
unit as long as they can. I get

1861
01:00:18,539 --> 01:00:21,260
that. Yeah. Injuries, whether it's for whatever, it's

1862
01:00:21,260 --> 01:00:22,539
like, if you can keep up and do

1863
01:00:22,539 --> 01:00:24,140
the job, no matter how much pain you're

1864
01:00:24,140 --> 01:00:26,059
in or what's going on Yep. We'll hold

1865
01:00:26,059 --> 01:00:27,660
it down for you. We'll duct tape your

1866
01:00:27,660 --> 01:00:29,880
whole life so you can keep going. Duct

1867
01:00:29,900 --> 01:00:32,239
tape, glue and sticky tape, sold everything.

1868
01:00:33,855 --> 01:00:35,695
So I did that, and then then they

1869
01:00:35,695 --> 01:00:37,875
were like then he went to his next,

1870
01:00:38,414 --> 01:00:40,014
senior commander, and they they both had a

1871
01:00:40,014 --> 01:00:41,775
chat. They're like, holy fuck. This is not

1872
01:00:41,775 --> 01:00:44,335
good. So they're like, go home. Don't drive.

1873
01:00:44,335 --> 01:00:46,514
They're like, do not drive. Walk home.

1874
01:00:46,889 --> 01:00:48,409
And this is the thing. I was almost

1875
01:00:48,409 --> 01:00:49,869
dying in in car accidents.

1876
01:00:50,250 --> 01:00:52,170
I I lived, like, right on the edge

1877
01:00:52,170 --> 01:00:52,750
of base.

1878
01:00:53,369 --> 01:00:53,869
So

1879
01:00:54,409 --> 01:00:55,869
to drive to work was, like,

1880
01:00:56,250 --> 01:00:57,549
maximum 4 minutes,

1881
01:00:57,849 --> 01:00:59,529
and and I was always dying in several

1882
01:00:59,529 --> 01:01:01,464
car accidents on the way to base. And

1883
01:01:01,464 --> 01:01:03,625
my subconscious wanted me dead, so it wanted

1884
01:01:03,625 --> 01:01:05,224
me to steer into oncoming traffic. It wanted

1885
01:01:05,224 --> 01:01:06,585
to steer into trees and whatever. So I'd

1886
01:01:06,585 --> 01:01:08,764
catch myself coming out of these daydreams, like,

1887
01:01:08,905 --> 01:01:10,744
consciously, and I'm aiming at a tree or

1888
01:01:10,824 --> 01:01:13,065
it was it was getting pretty pretty dicey.

1889
01:01:13,065 --> 01:01:15,644
It was against my own subconscious. Right? Yeah.

1890
01:01:15,829 --> 01:01:18,550
Do you think that that moment was or

1891
01:01:18,550 --> 01:01:21,909
that realization was the subconscious is like, dude,

1892
01:01:21,909 --> 01:01:23,429
the only way we're gonna get you to

1893
01:01:23,429 --> 01:01:25,030
get a good night sleep is to kill

1894
01:01:25,030 --> 01:01:25,530
you?

1895
01:01:25,909 --> 01:01:27,750
Yeah. I mean, is that kinda where it

1896
01:01:27,750 --> 01:01:29,614
was? We're tired, man.

1897
01:01:30,235 --> 01:01:33,135
Fucking tired. We're hanging in here. I

1898
01:01:33,914 --> 01:01:35,614
I don't I don't know.

1899
01:01:36,954 --> 01:01:38,394
I I think it's like it was a

1900
01:01:38,394 --> 01:01:40,635
boiling point as you alluded to before where

1901
01:01:40,635 --> 01:01:42,840
all my childhood and everything until this point

1902
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:44,519
had finally kind of caught up with me

1903
01:01:44,519 --> 01:01:45,500
of doubling down.

1904
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:47,480
Here's a result as a result of me

1905
01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:49,820
going and talking to these commanders and rightfully

1906
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:51,579
so, but sadly so,

1907
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:53,640
in that one moment, I just lost my

1908
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:54,140
identity,

1909
01:01:54,840 --> 01:01:56,864
lost who I am, lost my mission in

1910
01:01:56,864 --> 01:01:59,025
this world, which to a to a man

1911
01:01:59,025 --> 01:02:01,284
is the most important thing to him.

1912
01:02:01,664 --> 01:02:02,164
And,

1913
01:02:02,784 --> 01:02:05,184
I'd lost I'd lost my career. I will

1914
01:02:05,184 --> 01:02:07,344
never be that. I'll never be the operator

1915
01:02:07,344 --> 01:02:09,105
again, this guy that I worked my ass

1916
01:02:09,105 --> 01:02:11,170
off to be and to stay as. I

1917
01:02:11,170 --> 01:02:12,769
will never be able to go to war

1918
01:02:12,769 --> 01:02:14,530
and cover these guys back and and do

1919
01:02:14,530 --> 01:02:15,670
this journey of life.

1920
01:02:16,050 --> 01:02:18,449
And and I've just destroyed my entire career

1921
01:02:18,449 --> 01:02:20,449
in one conversation of going into that office

1922
01:02:20,449 --> 01:02:22,210
and speaking up that something But you saved

1923
01:02:22,210 --> 01:02:24,449
your own life. Yeah. Well, that's it. That's

1924
01:02:24,449 --> 01:02:26,390
where that other layer of courage was.

1925
01:02:27,224 --> 01:02:29,944
Did they did these people step up for

1926
01:02:29,944 --> 01:02:31,545
you? I mean, it sounds like they did.

1927
01:02:31,545 --> 01:02:33,144
I know that for you, it's like, shit,

1928
01:02:33,144 --> 01:02:34,525
my whole world is crumbling.

1929
01:02:35,144 --> 01:02:36,284
But to know that

1930
01:02:36,664 --> 01:02:37,484
they saw

1931
01:02:37,784 --> 01:02:39,625
they they love you. I mean, they it

1932
01:02:39,625 --> 01:02:41,769
was important for them to protect you. Yeah.

1933
01:02:41,769 --> 01:02:44,030
Yeah. No. Like, everyone everyone that that encountered

1934
01:02:44,170 --> 01:02:45,610
it had on it well and took care

1935
01:02:45,610 --> 01:02:46,970
of it. It was there. It was it

1936
01:02:46,970 --> 01:02:48,329
was not it was not a problem. It

1937
01:02:48,329 --> 01:02:50,010
was it was very it was it was

1938
01:02:50,010 --> 01:02:51,849
more of just my internal well was destroyed

1939
01:02:51,849 --> 01:02:52,750
and very challenging.

1940
01:02:53,369 --> 01:02:55,289
Fuck it all. What's important now, it's important

1941
01:02:55,289 --> 01:02:55,789
later.

1942
01:02:56,135 --> 01:02:58,214
Right? What's important now is I need to

1943
01:02:58,214 --> 01:02:59,815
go to a hospital that you're gonna put

1944
01:02:59,815 --> 01:03:01,414
on and go every day. I have to

1945
01:03:01,414 --> 01:03:03,434
turn up there and do, like, this

1946
01:03:03,974 --> 01:03:06,054
6 to 8 hours of trauma recovery because

1947
01:03:06,054 --> 01:03:07,494
I'm on the close of death. Like, I'm

1948
01:03:07,494 --> 01:03:08,934
just trying at this point, I'm just trying

1949
01:03:08,934 --> 01:03:10,949
to stop my self dying. So I take

1950
01:03:10,949 --> 01:03:12,489
antidepressants and stop them.

1951
01:03:12,949 --> 01:03:15,030
I start going to this clinic. I start

1952
01:03:15,030 --> 01:03:17,510
doing psychoactive therapy in private as well as

1953
01:03:17,510 --> 01:03:19,130
in the the with other veterans.

1954
01:03:19,510 --> 01:03:20,710
And it was like something out of a

1955
01:03:20,710 --> 01:03:23,125
movie, but it was it was real. It

1956
01:03:23,125 --> 01:03:24,904
was real. It was where I started understanding

1957
01:03:25,444 --> 01:03:28,085
my past, my present, the mental side of

1958
01:03:28,085 --> 01:03:30,085
it, really getting some tools in there to

1959
01:03:30,085 --> 01:03:32,085
to so I was able to stem the

1960
01:03:32,244 --> 01:03:33,605
what I would call I would call it

1961
01:03:33,605 --> 01:03:34,105
triage,

1962
01:03:34,670 --> 01:03:36,590
which is West is really good at. Right?

1963
01:03:36,590 --> 01:03:39,390
Like, medical triage, and I think mental. Outside

1964
01:03:39,390 --> 01:03:40,930
of that, not really that good.

1965
01:03:41,309 --> 01:03:43,489
Just really handling the the immediate

1966
01:03:44,510 --> 01:03:45,809
chaos of an emergency

1967
01:03:46,110 --> 01:03:47,710
where we nail that. Like, if you ask

1968
01:03:47,710 --> 01:03:49,230
me what doctor I want for these for

1969
01:03:49,230 --> 01:03:51,174
mental or physical, I I I want Western

1970
01:03:51,174 --> 01:03:53,014
doctors for that. But after that, it doesn't

1971
01:03:53,014 --> 01:03:55,174
really serve its purpose. It's triage medicine. It's

1972
01:03:55,174 --> 01:03:56,795
it's it becomes irrelevant. Right?

1973
01:03:57,174 --> 01:03:58,074
Almost entirely.

1974
01:03:58,454 --> 01:03:59,734
I was able to have a catch up

1975
01:03:59,734 --> 01:04:00,714
with the the

1976
01:04:01,414 --> 01:04:03,755
the psychologist who took me through that.

1977
01:04:04,934 --> 01:04:06,099
I was having a catch up with her,

1978
01:04:06,099 --> 01:04:07,380
like, 2 or 3 days ago, and she

1979
01:04:07,380 --> 01:04:09,059
had a she had a good emotional we

1980
01:04:09,059 --> 01:04:10,980
we both had an emotional moment where she

1981
01:04:10,980 --> 01:04:13,699
she I thanked her, you know, to be

1982
01:04:13,699 --> 01:04:16,440
grateful for her keeping me alive.

1983
01:04:16,900 --> 01:04:18,739
My journey didn't just stop there of of

1984
01:04:18,739 --> 01:04:21,045
healing. This was like, I finished that, and

1985
01:04:21,045 --> 01:04:23,385
now I'm like, my body's exhausted.

1986
01:04:24,005 --> 01:04:24,984
I'm, like, tired.

1987
01:04:25,684 --> 01:04:28,184
So then I I I leave the military,

1988
01:04:29,125 --> 01:04:31,364
and, you know, I'm like, I wanna get

1989
01:04:31,364 --> 01:04:33,204
away from Australia. I wanna get away from

1990
01:04:33,204 --> 01:04:34,730
all of this. I wanna be somewhere completely

1991
01:04:34,730 --> 01:04:36,409
different, and I just wanna walk away from

1992
01:04:36,409 --> 01:04:38,409
this this life for a while. So I

1993
01:04:38,409 --> 01:04:39,230
went to Colombia,

1994
01:04:39,769 --> 01:04:41,609
and I I taught myself Spanish on my

1995
01:04:41,609 --> 01:04:43,389
last deployment to to Afghanistan.

1996
01:04:43,849 --> 01:04:45,210
I had to read and write at least,

1997
01:04:45,210 --> 01:04:47,289
like, you know, Spanish. My ability to speak

1998
01:04:47,289 --> 01:04:48,945
it wasn't great, but I could I could

1999
01:04:48,945 --> 01:04:50,144
talk to you. I could read and write

2000
01:04:50,144 --> 01:04:51,364
to you all day in Spanish.

2001
01:04:51,664 --> 01:04:52,164
Mhmm.

2002
01:04:53,265 --> 01:04:55,105
So I'd, and I went there, and I

2003
01:04:55,105 --> 01:04:56,785
started this new life. And I took some

2004
01:04:56,785 --> 01:04:59,664
time slow and and just and just kinda

2005
01:04:59,664 --> 01:05:01,920
chilled out. But I started realizing that, man,

2006
01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:04,400
I I'm getting I get sick really easy

2007
01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:05,619
and real all the time.

2008
01:05:06,319 --> 01:05:07,619
And it was this realization

2009
01:05:08,639 --> 01:05:11,199
over the next probably 2 years, and I'm

2010
01:05:11,199 --> 01:05:13,440
like, alright. I've spent, like, out of the

2011
01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:13,940
last

2012
01:05:14,744 --> 01:05:15,484
12 months,

2013
01:05:15,784 --> 01:05:18,105
like, 10 months of it, pretty sick in

2014
01:05:18,105 --> 01:05:19,864
some capacity. In the other 2 months, I'm

2015
01:05:19,864 --> 01:05:21,164
I'm pretty just exhausted.

2016
01:05:21,784 --> 01:05:23,385
This point, I'm realizing that there's a whole

2017
01:05:23,385 --> 01:05:24,125
bunch of

2018
01:05:24,505 --> 01:05:27,279
still psychologically, I've got work to do. You

2019
01:05:27,279 --> 01:05:29,440
know? Getting my life together, getting a new

2020
01:05:29,440 --> 01:05:32,400
path and a new alignment, completely incapable of

2021
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:33,059
of dating.

2022
01:05:33,679 --> 01:05:35,679
Like, nor am I interested because it's just

2023
01:05:35,679 --> 01:05:37,039
like, I'm just you know, if you give

2024
01:05:37,039 --> 01:05:38,559
a fuck, I'm just trying to keep myself

2025
01:05:38,559 --> 01:05:40,474
together at this point. I

2026
01:05:40,934 --> 01:05:41,434
spiritually

2027
01:05:41,894 --> 01:05:42,795
and emotionally,

2028
01:05:43,575 --> 01:05:45,095
there's a void there that I'm and that

2029
01:05:45,095 --> 01:05:46,394
I'm starting to discover,

2030
01:05:47,335 --> 01:05:49,335
more of. I guess the emotional, I'm definitely

2031
01:05:49,335 --> 01:05:50,934
in the thick of it, but don't understand

2032
01:05:50,934 --> 01:05:52,454
any of it. And the spiritual is starting

2033
01:05:52,454 --> 01:05:54,119
to appear. It's it's head a little bit.

2034
01:05:54,519 --> 01:05:55,800
And then I then I hang out, and

2035
01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:57,000
so I hang out calling for 2 years

2036
01:05:57,000 --> 01:05:59,160
before I find out I'm just not ever

2037
01:05:59,160 --> 01:06:01,000
not sick. Like, I've got a bacterial or

2038
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:02,760
viral infection or something. I had a lung

2039
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:04,360
infection for a year and a half. I

2040
01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:06,760
had constantly with the sickness and permanently fatigued

2041
01:06:06,760 --> 01:06:08,860
and sleeping and whatnot. I'm like, I've gotta

2042
01:06:09,324 --> 01:06:11,085
ended up getting some after talking to a

2043
01:06:11,085 --> 01:06:11,905
lot of doctors

2044
01:06:12,684 --> 01:06:14,605
who, you know, they'll they'll say things like,

2045
01:06:14,605 --> 01:06:16,364
oh, yeah. It's it's in your head. You

2046
01:06:16,364 --> 01:06:17,405
know, as soon as they find out you've

2047
01:06:17,405 --> 01:06:19,005
had any mental health passed and you try

2048
01:06:19,005 --> 01:06:20,204
to talk to them about chronic fatigue or

2049
01:06:20,204 --> 01:06:22,219
fibromyalgia or not, it's in your head. Trust

2050
01:06:22,219 --> 01:06:23,659
me. They do that with women all the

2051
01:06:23,659 --> 01:06:25,599
time too. Oh, I think. Yeah. Or

2052
01:06:26,059 --> 01:06:26,639
or or guys.

2053
01:06:26,940 --> 01:06:29,179
Or a guy. There is yeah. Guys getting

2054
01:06:29,179 --> 01:06:31,500
crushed. We're all getting crushed out there by

2055
01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:32,400
Western medicine.

2056
01:06:32,699 --> 01:06:34,049
And so what would what I did was

2057
01:06:34,049 --> 01:06:35,894
I was like, I I really don't think

2058
01:06:35,894 --> 01:06:37,735
it is. Like, I'm I'm pretty good at

2059
01:06:37,735 --> 01:06:39,414
the nuance of these things now, and I'm

2060
01:06:39,414 --> 01:06:41,815
extremely self aware. Eventually found a doctor in

2061
01:06:41,815 --> 01:06:43,255
Australia through the help of a dear friend

2062
01:06:43,255 --> 01:06:43,835
of mine,

2063
01:06:44,295 --> 01:06:45,815
a guy who I still work with, by

2064
01:06:45,815 --> 01:06:47,574
the way. He just treated my mother and

2065
01:06:47,574 --> 01:06:49,015
helped my mother. I I paid for him

2066
01:06:49,015 --> 01:06:50,630
to to take care of my mother and

2067
01:06:50,710 --> 01:06:51,829
because I want as many years out of

2068
01:06:51,829 --> 01:06:53,750
her as I possibly can, right, to orientate

2069
01:06:53,750 --> 01:06:54,410
her diet.

2070
01:06:54,869 --> 01:06:56,950
And he was like, Nick, you firstly, it's

2071
01:06:56,950 --> 01:06:58,309
not in your head. It's this, this, and

2072
01:06:58,309 --> 01:07:00,470
this. All these tests here have indicated that

2073
01:07:00,470 --> 01:07:01,369
you you have

2074
01:07:01,965 --> 01:07:03,724
these viruses active in your system from the

2075
01:07:03,724 --> 01:07:05,724
jungles. You have dengue fever. You have Epstein

2076
01:07:05,724 --> 01:07:06,704
Barr. You have,

2077
01:07:07,644 --> 01:07:09,965
rosservo fever, which is Australia's malaria. You have

2078
01:07:09,965 --> 01:07:12,045
several others that they don't have names for.

2079
01:07:12,045 --> 01:07:14,065
They're so random and rare. And

2080
01:07:15,110 --> 01:07:16,949
he goes, so you have all these viruses

2081
01:07:16,949 --> 01:07:18,789
that can't go dormant because they're all active

2082
01:07:18,789 --> 01:07:20,630
in your system. And he goes, you're on

2083
01:07:20,630 --> 01:07:21,610
your way to autoimmunity.

2084
01:07:22,230 --> 01:07:23,429
And he's like, you need to leave. You

2085
01:07:23,429 --> 01:07:24,550
need to be in the sun every day.

2086
01:07:24,550 --> 01:07:26,390
You need to be on ground level. And

2087
01:07:26,390 --> 01:07:27,929
he's like, and you need to be,

2088
01:07:28,474 --> 01:07:30,155
you you need to move cities essentially and

2089
01:07:30,155 --> 01:07:32,074
be here. So I moved and went to

2090
01:07:32,074 --> 01:07:32,815
Brazil and

2091
01:07:33,275 --> 01:07:34,574
stayed by a beach there.

2092
01:07:35,275 --> 01:07:37,035
And I know that might sound romantic, but

2093
01:07:37,035 --> 01:07:38,394
at this point, every day is pretty much

2094
01:07:38,394 --> 01:07:40,474
hell trying to hold it together. No. I

2095
01:07:40,474 --> 01:07:42,175
mean, they used to tell people with tuberculosis

2096
01:07:42,394 --> 01:07:43,835
to go to the sun. I get it.

2097
01:07:43,835 --> 01:07:45,949
You you gotta go where your body is

2098
01:07:45,949 --> 01:07:46,449
gonna

2099
01:07:47,069 --> 01:07:47,569
heal.

2100
01:07:48,030 --> 01:07:50,030
Yeah. Yeah. And it was so, you know,

2101
01:07:50,030 --> 01:07:51,869
I go down I go down there, and

2102
01:07:51,869 --> 01:07:52,690
I I start,

2103
01:07:53,309 --> 01:07:55,150
you know, getting into this. Now you gotta

2104
01:07:55,150 --> 01:07:56,750
remember when I got out, like, I'd still

2105
01:07:56,750 --> 01:07:59,085
find work and pursuit of

2106
01:07:59,565 --> 01:08:01,565
my time. Right? So it was like a

2107
01:08:01,565 --> 01:08:02,625
challenge for that.

2108
01:08:02,925 --> 01:08:04,844
So I I actually found myself consulting in

2109
01:08:04,844 --> 01:08:06,445
the family office space just because I knew

2110
01:08:06,445 --> 01:08:08,125
a lot of people everywhere. I just

2111
01:08:08,525 --> 01:08:10,445
that was a very interesting journey. There's a

2112
01:08:10,445 --> 01:08:12,780
lot of really interesting relationships that I still

2113
01:08:12,780 --> 01:08:14,699
have today that that that I came across.

2114
01:08:14,699 --> 01:08:15,360
That was

2115
01:08:15,820 --> 01:08:17,100
that was great, but it got to a

2116
01:08:17,100 --> 01:08:18,380
point after a couple of years that I

2117
01:08:18,380 --> 01:08:20,399
was like, I can't actually do this anymore.

2118
01:08:21,020 --> 01:08:22,460
I'm now at my full time job of

2119
01:08:22,460 --> 01:08:25,180
not dying again. Mhmm. When my actually, all

2120
01:08:25,340 --> 01:08:26,399
I've I got

2121
01:08:26,814 --> 01:08:29,854
completely into autoimmunity. It wasn't just fibromyalgia anymore

2122
01:08:29,854 --> 01:08:32,274
with intermittent. It was like full blown autoimmune.

2123
01:08:32,975 --> 01:08:33,635
But also

2124
01:08:35,135 --> 01:08:36,755
trying to hold my mind together,

2125
01:08:37,454 --> 01:08:39,215
and I'm trying to hold this emotional world

2126
01:08:39,215 --> 01:08:41,130
together. Now I'm just trying to not die

2127
01:08:41,130 --> 01:08:43,210
from autoimmunity. So it was like trying to

2128
01:08:43,210 --> 01:08:46,170
do that now with my arms and legs

2129
01:08:46,170 --> 01:08:47,789
tied in a swimming pool.

2130
01:08:48,409 --> 01:08:49,310
So it's like

2131
01:08:49,689 --> 01:08:51,130
it was a nightmare to do that, but

2132
01:08:51,130 --> 01:08:52,729
I was doing my best. But the the

2133
01:08:52,729 --> 01:08:54,729
interesting thing was I I I went in

2134
01:08:55,215 --> 01:08:57,135
there's a guy named Jesse Gould by Heroic

2135
01:08:57,135 --> 01:08:57,954
Arts Project.

2136
01:08:58,654 --> 01:09:01,215
He's he launched the he he really drove

2137
01:09:01,215 --> 01:09:03,774
psychedelics in Ayahuasca in the veteran space. And

2138
01:09:03,774 --> 01:09:05,375
he's been in New York Times and National

2139
01:09:05,375 --> 01:09:07,375
Geographic. He's he's a great guy, a remarkable

2140
01:09:07,375 --> 01:09:09,210
guy. He's spoken in front of congress. He's

2141
01:09:09,529 --> 01:09:10,890
worked with MAPS to get a lot of

2142
01:09:10,890 --> 01:09:13,710
these, psychedelics with a with a civil congressman

2143
01:09:13,770 --> 01:09:16,649
and veteran congressman through through congress so that

2144
01:09:16,649 --> 01:09:18,590
it's accessible to have psilocybin,

2145
01:09:18,969 --> 01:09:21,210
you know, MDMA, ketamine, all these sort of

2146
01:09:21,210 --> 01:09:23,534
things accessible to veterans, and God bless him.

2147
01:09:23,614 --> 01:09:25,135
And he put me on with a bunch

2148
01:09:25,135 --> 01:09:26,435
of other vets,

2149
01:09:26,895 --> 01:09:27,775
put me on,

2150
01:09:28,494 --> 01:09:30,114
my first Ayahuasca retreat

2151
01:09:30,574 --> 01:09:32,414
at this gap where for, like, a few

2152
01:09:32,414 --> 01:09:32,914
weeks,

2153
01:09:33,295 --> 01:09:34,275
my health had

2154
01:09:34,735 --> 01:09:37,135
stabilized. Because before around that, I was like,

2155
01:09:37,135 --> 01:09:39,135
I can't do this because if I send

2156
01:09:39,135 --> 01:09:39,510
it

2157
01:09:40,949 --> 01:09:42,630
by knowingly send it to an area that's

2158
01:09:42,630 --> 01:09:44,389
gonna fatigue, and I'm gonna set myself up

2159
01:09:44,389 --> 01:09:45,769
for an even bigger life failure.

2160
01:09:46,550 --> 01:09:48,550
But I I I managed to get, like,

2161
01:09:48,550 --> 01:09:50,170
a few days in there and did it,

2162
01:09:50,869 --> 01:09:51,369
and

2163
01:09:52,354 --> 01:09:53,895
and that was, you

2164
01:09:54,275 --> 01:09:56,275
know, that was life changing. That's when I

2165
01:09:56,275 --> 01:09:58,675
realized there was some soul or spiritual work

2166
01:09:58,675 --> 01:10:00,034
that I had to do as well in

2167
01:10:00,034 --> 01:10:02,195
some capacity. I'm like, this is a whole

2168
01:10:02,195 --> 01:10:04,595
new sphere here. It's again I'm doing self

2169
01:10:04,595 --> 01:10:06,515
triage. I'm like, what's important now? It's important

2170
01:10:06,515 --> 01:10:08,340
later. My mind is kind of pretty well

2171
01:10:08,340 --> 01:10:10,039
hold together. My health is in shambles.

2172
01:10:10,579 --> 01:10:12,279
Physiologically, I'm I'm dying.

2173
01:10:12,739 --> 01:10:14,579
I'm like, okay. I I also have all

2174
01:10:14,579 --> 01:10:16,279
these injuries from the military. Right?

2175
01:10:16,659 --> 01:10:19,079
Like broken right leg, foot, ankle,

2176
01:10:19,460 --> 01:10:20,840
worn through both my kneecaps,

2177
01:10:21,235 --> 01:10:23,875
left ingonal hernia. I've got my lower back

2178
01:10:23,875 --> 01:10:25,795
seizes up. My neck, I've worn through both

2179
01:10:25,795 --> 01:10:26,534
my shoulders,

2180
01:10:26,994 --> 01:10:29,954
dental damage, hearing loss, TBI, all these things,

2181
01:10:29,954 --> 01:10:32,034
but it's like, still I'm playing this game

2182
01:10:32,034 --> 01:10:34,114
of what's important now, what's important later with

2183
01:10:34,114 --> 01:10:35,414
with life and responsibility

2184
01:10:35,875 --> 01:10:38,609
to generate some some income or manage investment

2185
01:10:38,609 --> 01:10:39,890
or anything like that that can just keep

2186
01:10:39,890 --> 01:10:43,010
you keep me going whilst fighting off the

2187
01:10:43,010 --> 01:10:44,609
major one of the present, which is the

2188
01:10:44,609 --> 01:10:47,409
physiological. Right? So I come out of I

2189
01:10:47,409 --> 01:10:48,449
come out of this,

2190
01:10:49,649 --> 01:10:51,350
state of, like,

2191
01:10:51,835 --> 01:10:54,715
euphoria and understanding and self awareness and whatnot

2192
01:10:54,715 --> 01:10:55,534
from the Ayahuasca.

2193
01:10:56,314 --> 01:10:57,755
And that was great for the next few

2194
01:10:57,755 --> 01:11:00,475
weeks, but I immediately went back into alright.

2195
01:11:00,475 --> 01:11:02,314
Cool. Body's like, well, sweet. But we're gonna

2196
01:11:02,314 --> 01:11:04,989
keep going back into this trajectory downhill of

2197
01:11:04,989 --> 01:11:06,770
of, like, catastrophic health failure.

2198
01:11:07,229 --> 01:11:08,510
But it was a good to just put

2199
01:11:08,510 --> 01:11:10,609
a pin in that and be like, I

2200
01:11:11,310 --> 01:11:12,529
need to come back here

2201
01:11:12,989 --> 01:11:15,229
to this this world and this energy and

2202
01:11:15,229 --> 01:11:17,229
this space to do work on myself when

2203
01:11:17,229 --> 01:11:18,369
the time is right.

2204
01:11:19,095 --> 01:11:21,175
So, eventually, I get to a point where

2205
01:11:21,175 --> 01:11:22,395
my health is so bad.

2206
01:11:23,015 --> 01:11:25,435
I pass through Colombia again,

2207
01:11:26,135 --> 01:11:28,055
and it's serendipitous a mate of mine. It's

2208
01:11:28,055 --> 01:11:31,034
like, I need you, Nick, given your situation

2209
01:11:31,175 --> 01:11:31,914
to just

2210
01:11:32,400 --> 01:11:34,479
meet this guy at his social party tonight.

2211
01:11:34,479 --> 01:11:35,300
I'm like, dude,

2212
01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:37,060
I can barely talk anymore.

2213
01:11:37,600 --> 01:11:38,900
I can't go out at night.

2214
01:11:39,680 --> 01:11:42,079
I'm I I can't I can't drink. I

2215
01:11:42,079 --> 01:11:43,439
can't do any of that. I can't, like,

2216
01:11:43,439 --> 01:11:44,960
I don't dude, I I don't I don't

2217
01:11:44,960 --> 01:11:46,125
physically have the energy

2218
01:11:46,845 --> 01:11:47,484
to do these things. My bod like, if

2219
01:11:47,484 --> 01:11:48,545
you understood how

2220
01:11:49,085 --> 01:11:51,085
miserably exhausting this is at this point, like,

2221
01:11:51,085 --> 01:11:52,284
I I don't know what the hell to

2222
01:11:52,284 --> 01:11:54,364
describe this, but I he's like, just do

2223
01:11:54,364 --> 01:11:56,125
it for me. It's a doctor. You should

2224
01:11:56,125 --> 01:11:57,965
meet this guy. Met him. I went to

2225
01:11:57,965 --> 01:11:59,744
clinic, stem cell clinic in Colombia.

2226
01:12:01,600 --> 01:12:02,880
So I I talked to him and I

2227
01:12:02,880 --> 01:12:04,480
talked to a fellow people at the party.

2228
01:12:04,480 --> 01:12:05,300
He's like,

2229
01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:07,920
I can't guarantee anything with with what you've

2230
01:12:07,920 --> 01:12:09,360
got going on, but he's like, but I

2231
01:12:09,360 --> 01:12:11,600
can fuck, man. I can try. And, like,

2232
01:12:11,600 --> 01:12:13,380
put me in touch with his head medical,

2233
01:12:14,320 --> 01:12:15,545
officer. And

2234
01:12:16,085 --> 01:12:17,364
she's like, look, Nick. I,

2235
01:12:18,005 --> 01:12:20,404
she goes, I I can't guarantee anything, obviously.

2236
01:12:20,404 --> 01:12:22,965
I think stem cells is still very much

2237
01:12:22,965 --> 01:12:24,824
experimental medicine at this time, but

2238
01:12:25,765 --> 01:12:27,569
the ultra rich were doing it and that

2239
01:12:27,569 --> 01:12:29,810
the most successful sports players and UFC fighters

2240
01:12:29,810 --> 01:12:30,929
and all these guys were doing it. So

2241
01:12:30,929 --> 01:12:32,609
it was like, I doubt there was you

2242
01:12:32,609 --> 01:12:34,689
know, it was completely invalid. And I listened

2243
01:12:34,689 --> 01:12:35,670
to enough podcasts.

2244
01:12:36,210 --> 01:12:38,449
She's like, Nick, I, I can't you're you're

2245
01:12:38,449 --> 01:12:39,969
you're so far in the hole. I don't

2246
01:12:39,969 --> 01:12:41,414
know if we can save you in time,

2247
01:12:41,494 --> 01:12:43,175
which became pretty daunting that she that was

2248
01:12:43,175 --> 01:12:44,314
that was kind of like

2249
01:12:44,694 --> 01:12:46,295
no one had no doctor had said that

2250
01:12:46,295 --> 01:12:47,914
to me yet that, like, you're dying,

2251
01:12:48,375 --> 01:12:50,854
which became I didn't didn't think about at

2252
01:12:50,854 --> 01:12:52,454
the time as much, but it became pretty

2253
01:12:52,454 --> 01:12:54,135
confronting a little bit later. I was like,

2254
01:12:54,135 --> 01:12:57,039
I'm I'm actually so unself aware due to

2255
01:12:57,039 --> 01:12:58,960
my ability to block out emotions and physical

2256
01:12:58,960 --> 01:12:59,460
pain

2257
01:12:59,840 --> 01:13:02,000
that I'm the opposite of a hypochondriac, and

2258
01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:03,300
I've actually haven't reacted

2259
01:13:04,239 --> 01:13:06,239
sufficiently in time to save my own life

2260
01:13:06,239 --> 01:13:06,739
potentially.

2261
01:13:08,444 --> 01:13:10,364
That's a huge deal, and that's it's a

2262
01:13:10,364 --> 01:13:12,604
big awareness to have for somebody to finally

2263
01:13:12,604 --> 01:13:14,444
look you right in the eye and say,

2264
01:13:14,444 --> 01:13:16,284
if you don't do this, at least try.

2265
01:13:16,284 --> 01:13:17,185
You're fucked.

2266
01:13:17,725 --> 01:13:19,244
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was like well, she

2267
01:13:19,324 --> 01:13:20,685
and she didn't sell it to me at

2268
01:13:20,685 --> 01:13:21,585
all. She's like

2269
01:13:22,060 --> 01:13:23,979
she's like, we're gonna help you. We're gonna

2270
01:13:23,979 --> 01:13:26,000
try we're really gonna try to help you.

2271
01:13:26,779 --> 01:13:29,020
You know, we can't guarantee anything. We we

2272
01:13:29,020 --> 01:13:31,179
just wanna say that. And and but I

2273
01:13:31,179 --> 01:13:32,460
can tell you that I've had a 100%

2274
01:13:32,460 --> 01:13:34,219
success with every single patient that's come in

2275
01:13:34,219 --> 01:13:35,920
here with autoimmunity in our clinic.

2276
01:13:36,545 --> 01:13:38,145
And I'm like, well, that's pretty good fucking

2277
01:13:38,145 --> 01:13:40,064
odds, and I'm dying anyway. So take whatever

2278
01:13:40,064 --> 01:13:41,585
money. It's it's just like it was it

2279
01:13:41,585 --> 01:13:42,885
was definitely very expensive.

2280
01:13:43,345 --> 01:13:45,024
It was like a lost each effort not

2281
01:13:45,024 --> 01:13:46,784
to die, but, you know, best deal I've

2282
01:13:46,784 --> 01:13:47,925
ever made in my life.

2283
01:13:48,305 --> 01:13:48,805
Because

2284
01:13:49,180 --> 01:13:50,939
the next 2 to 3 months, it started

2285
01:13:51,020 --> 01:13:52,699
it was getting worse. And I was like,

2286
01:13:52,699 --> 01:13:54,300
at this point, I I I could barely

2287
01:13:54,300 --> 01:13:55,979
leave the house each day. I couldn't have

2288
01:13:55,979 --> 01:13:57,659
conversation with my family or friends or anyone

2289
01:13:57,659 --> 01:13:59,500
because I didn't have energy to even have

2290
01:13:59,500 --> 01:14:00,560
a felt phone call.

2291
01:14:01,100 --> 01:14:02,560
I'd shake in my sleep

2292
01:14:02,974 --> 01:14:04,814
permanently so I could take sleeping tablets, and

2293
01:14:04,814 --> 01:14:06,494
I'd still be awake because I'd just be

2294
01:14:06,494 --> 01:14:06,994
shaking.

2295
01:14:07,534 --> 01:14:10,034
You could see the parasites around my eyes.

2296
01:14:10,895 --> 01:14:12,895
My eyes twitched from the nervous system. It

2297
01:14:12,895 --> 01:14:14,274
completely shut down.

2298
01:14:15,694 --> 01:14:17,534
They didn't give you something to kill off

2299
01:14:17,534 --> 01:14:18,274
the parasites?

2300
01:14:18,710 --> 01:14:20,149
So here's the thing that I got to

2301
01:14:20,149 --> 01:14:21,590
a doctor and they did, and they gave

2302
01:14:21,590 --> 01:14:22,090
me,

2303
01:14:23,829 --> 01:14:24,329
anti,

2304
01:14:25,109 --> 01:14:26,250
what do you call it?

2305
01:14:26,710 --> 01:14:27,210
Antibiotic?

2306
01:14:28,710 --> 01:14:31,029
Ebonics. Jesus Christ. I'm like, I'm struggling with

2307
01:14:31,029 --> 01:14:31,689
that one.

2308
01:14:32,345 --> 01:14:34,505
Kinda begged with the doctor. I'm like, these

2309
01:14:34,505 --> 01:14:36,824
make me really bad. Like, I'm like, when

2310
01:14:36,824 --> 01:14:38,024
I go on any of these, they they,

2311
01:14:38,024 --> 01:14:39,784
like, really set me back. They do disastrous

2312
01:14:39,784 --> 01:14:41,704
things. He's like, you're gonna have to to

2313
01:14:41,704 --> 01:14:43,085
kill this type of parasite.

2314
01:14:44,470 --> 01:14:45,829
This doctor wasn't bad. He's one of the

2315
01:14:45,829 --> 01:14:47,909
world leaders of microbiologists, so he kinda had

2316
01:14:47,909 --> 01:14:49,530
to trust him, but it was also like,

2317
01:14:49,989 --> 01:14:51,210
hey. The cure to

2318
01:14:52,229 --> 01:14:53,909
I don't know. The cure to your your

2319
01:14:53,909 --> 01:14:56,149
sadness is drinking alcohol. You know, like, that

2320
01:14:56,149 --> 01:14:57,430
was kind of like what it was. It

2321
01:14:57,430 --> 01:14:59,095
was like, oh. It's like chemo. You have

2322
01:14:59,095 --> 01:15:00,935
to count almost kill someone to kill the

2323
01:15:00,935 --> 01:15:03,655
cancer. Yeah. Right? It just got to the

2324
01:15:03,655 --> 01:15:05,515
point where it was really starting to get

2325
01:15:06,375 --> 01:15:07,515
very hopeless.

2326
01:15:07,895 --> 01:15:10,215
And my diary, which I mentioned to you

2327
01:15:10,215 --> 01:15:11,994
before we started here that I

2328
01:15:12,560 --> 01:15:15,119
I didn't stop journaling, and I didn't stop

2329
01:15:15,119 --> 01:15:16,960
studying languages every day, and I didn't give

2330
01:15:16,960 --> 01:15:19,199
up hope. Like, I managed to teach myself

2331
01:15:19,359 --> 01:15:21,460
you know, I know about 5 languages now.

2332
01:15:21,520 --> 01:15:23,300
I managed to teach myself some languages.

2333
01:15:23,840 --> 01:15:25,954
I managed to to journal every day to

2334
01:15:25,954 --> 01:15:28,514
be self aware, to read, to better myself,

2335
01:15:28,514 --> 01:15:30,514
do everything I could because I was able

2336
01:15:30,514 --> 01:15:32,354
to push through. At this point, I was

2337
01:15:32,354 --> 01:15:34,774
aware that I'm like, alright. I can't exercise

2338
01:15:34,835 --> 01:15:37,154
that much. I can't. And I you know,

2339
01:15:37,154 --> 01:15:38,454
I do whatever I can.

2340
01:15:39,029 --> 01:15:40,630
And I and I was trying to, but

2341
01:15:40,630 --> 01:15:41,369
it was like,

2342
01:15:42,869 --> 01:15:44,149
I didn't give up hope. But if you

2343
01:15:44,149 --> 01:15:45,210
go back to my journals,

2344
01:15:45,750 --> 01:15:47,929
they're like, what I'd what I'd unfortunately

2345
01:15:48,710 --> 01:15:50,630
but fortunately been able to learn was there's

2346
01:15:50,630 --> 01:15:52,250
a complete difference between depression

2347
01:15:52,869 --> 01:15:53,609
as a

2348
01:15:54,255 --> 01:15:55,715
as a, disease

2349
01:15:56,574 --> 01:15:57,314
of the mind

2350
01:16:00,015 --> 01:16:00,675
and misery.

2351
01:16:01,935 --> 01:16:04,175
And I was able to delineate between the

2352
01:16:04,175 --> 01:16:08,175
2. Misery based on circumstantial misery and depression

2353
01:16:08,175 --> 01:16:09,314
based as a sickness.

2354
01:16:10,020 --> 01:16:11,939
And, unfortunately, I was able to live through

2355
01:16:11,939 --> 01:16:13,479
the both of them, and I can identify

2356
01:16:13,539 --> 01:16:14,760
them very simply.

2357
01:16:15,779 --> 01:16:17,159
And I was miserable.

2358
01:16:17,539 --> 01:16:19,939
I was in truest deepest form of misery

2359
01:16:19,939 --> 01:16:22,420
of waking up every day kind of regretting

2360
01:16:22,420 --> 01:16:23,385
that I wake up.

2361
01:16:23,944 --> 01:16:26,204
And I remember just writing there. I'm like,

2362
01:16:26,585 --> 01:16:28,104
I hope to go that one day I

2363
01:16:28,104 --> 01:16:30,284
don't just exist for the sake of existing.

2364
01:16:30,744 --> 01:16:32,024
And I was like, you know, I just

2365
01:16:32,104 --> 01:16:33,944
I'm very aware of my misery the way

2366
01:16:33,944 --> 01:16:35,704
I would journal and process, and I'd give

2367
01:16:35,704 --> 01:16:37,385
myself 3 things to be grateful for every

2368
01:16:37,385 --> 01:16:38,844
day. I'd give myself a joy,

2369
01:16:39,340 --> 01:16:40,860
you know, and I'd I'd I'd work through

2370
01:16:40,860 --> 01:16:43,500
this journaling system just to just to hang

2371
01:16:43,500 --> 01:16:45,840
on to life just in some capacity. Right?

2372
01:16:47,260 --> 01:16:49,199
Went through a lot of Marcus Aurelius

2373
01:16:49,900 --> 01:16:52,284
Mhmm. At this time as well. Every day,

2374
01:16:52,284 --> 01:16:53,324
I'd I'd have, like, a bit of a

2375
01:16:53,324 --> 01:16:55,085
quote or something that I'd I'd focus on

2376
01:16:55,085 --> 01:16:55,904
from him. And,

2377
01:16:56,284 --> 01:16:57,724
man, yeah, I was in hell. I I

2378
01:16:57,724 --> 01:16:58,764
was in I was in I was in

2379
01:16:58,764 --> 01:17:00,784
Anastasia hell, but then the stem cells,

2380
01:17:01,484 --> 01:17:03,344
like clockwork, they kicked in.

2381
01:17:04,109 --> 01:17:05,569
Oh my god. They kicked in.

2382
01:17:06,670 --> 01:17:07,569
And I started

2383
01:17:07,949 --> 01:17:09,250
healing and getting better.

2384
01:17:10,189 --> 01:17:12,609
And then I from there, I started

2385
01:17:13,630 --> 01:17:14,130
feeling,

2386
01:17:16,189 --> 01:17:16,689
stable.

2387
01:17:17,614 --> 01:17:19,295
Not just not I I wasn't even hoping

2388
01:17:19,295 --> 01:17:20,494
to get better. I was just hoping to

2389
01:17:20,494 --> 01:17:22,895
not die anymore. Yeah. But but I didn't

2390
01:17:22,895 --> 01:17:24,734
wanna I'd had this feeling before a few

2391
01:17:24,734 --> 01:17:26,734
times where Brendan, you know, life had pulled

2392
01:17:26,734 --> 01:17:28,114
a rug from underneath me,

2393
01:17:28,574 --> 01:17:31,054
and then I started getting better from beyond

2394
01:17:31,054 --> 01:17:33,060
that and kept getting better. And then I

2395
01:17:33,060 --> 01:17:34,500
went in for my next round of stem

2396
01:17:34,500 --> 01:17:35,000
cells

2397
01:17:35,619 --> 01:17:38,020
just before COVID shut everything down, like, this

2398
01:17:38,100 --> 01:17:40,500
that literally 4 or 5 days. Like, I

2399
01:17:40,500 --> 01:17:42,340
did to them on Thursday or Friday, and

2400
01:17:42,340 --> 01:17:44,020
they shut everything down on Monday, but the

2401
01:17:44,020 --> 01:17:46,360
whole world was closing closing down.

2402
01:17:47,224 --> 01:17:48,744
And I got the 2nd round of 3

2403
01:17:48,744 --> 01:17:49,404
in time,

2404
01:17:49,864 --> 01:17:51,385
and I'm like and then when I got

2405
01:17:51,385 --> 01:17:53,145
that, I'm like, I'm still going up. And

2406
01:17:53,145 --> 01:17:54,824
then for the months afterwards, I'm like, I'm

2407
01:17:54,824 --> 01:17:56,344
still inclining. And for me, if you got

2408
01:17:56,344 --> 01:17:58,344
me back to 40% of health, I would

2409
01:17:58,505 --> 01:18:00,024
that was a deal. That that's the best

2410
01:18:00,024 --> 01:18:02,020
deal that that anyone's ever given me. And

2411
01:18:02,020 --> 01:18:03,539
then I kept going until I got to,

2412
01:18:03,539 --> 01:18:04,039
like,

2413
01:18:04,579 --> 01:18:06,500
you know, about a I I was able

2414
01:18:06,500 --> 01:18:09,220
to, during COVID, take just after a while,

2415
01:18:09,220 --> 01:18:09,960
it's like, well,

2416
01:18:10,739 --> 01:18:12,739
you know, your COVID experience is whatever, but

2417
01:18:12,739 --> 01:18:14,020
I'm the kind of person that's like, I'm

2418
01:18:14,020 --> 01:18:15,380
gonna die on my feet rather than on

2419
01:18:15,380 --> 01:18:16,005
my knees.

2420
01:18:16,564 --> 01:18:18,005
So it's like so for me, I just

2421
01:18:18,005 --> 01:18:20,164
chose countries that were by the beach like

2422
01:18:20,164 --> 01:18:20,664
Greece

2423
01:18:21,045 --> 01:18:23,125
and just hung out there during COVID by

2424
01:18:23,125 --> 01:18:24,505
a beach on an island somewhere,

2425
01:18:25,685 --> 01:18:27,925
and just just found my peace with the

2426
01:18:27,925 --> 01:18:29,719
world. Read a read a book, like, in

2427
01:18:29,719 --> 01:18:30,300
a hammock.

2428
01:18:30,600 --> 01:18:32,279
As a result of that, I just I

2429
01:18:32,279 --> 01:18:34,279
came out of all of it at about

2430
01:18:34,279 --> 01:18:34,779
70%

2431
01:18:35,079 --> 01:18:36,840
at the end of COVID. And I was

2432
01:18:36,840 --> 01:18:39,079
like, my god. And I've still continued to

2433
01:18:39,079 --> 01:18:41,079
incline because I got my immunity back in

2434
01:18:41,079 --> 01:18:43,305
my health as well as learning what else

2435
01:18:43,305 --> 01:18:44,744
I can do to to help my health,

2436
01:18:44,744 --> 01:18:45,244
which

2437
01:18:46,185 --> 01:18:48,505
probably goes into the next part of how

2438
01:18:48,505 --> 01:18:50,685
the body and the mind is so intricately

2439
01:18:50,824 --> 01:18:51,324
connected,

2440
01:18:52,425 --> 01:18:55,005
and also emotionally, spiritually, these other elements.

2441
01:18:56,270 --> 01:18:58,530
Bright. They went, okay. Now I've got my

2442
01:18:58,750 --> 01:19:01,310
mental stable because my physical's not making it

2443
01:19:01,390 --> 01:19:02,130
me miserable.

2444
01:19:02,909 --> 01:19:04,750
And I've done the mental health works in

2445
01:19:04,750 --> 01:19:06,430
my mind. I don't have the depression, all

2446
01:19:06,430 --> 01:19:08,050
that stuff at the this time.

2447
01:19:08,590 --> 01:19:11,145
And I'm like, what's the next realm? Next

2448
01:19:11,145 --> 01:19:13,324
realm is saving my my

2449
01:19:14,425 --> 01:19:17,305
heart, my soul, my emotions, all that that

2450
01:19:17,305 --> 01:19:18,905
whole aspect of me that I've done an

2451
01:19:18,905 --> 01:19:20,204
entire life of ignoring

2452
01:19:21,225 --> 01:19:23,564
to to bring myself to some sort of

2453
01:19:25,159 --> 01:19:25,659
holistic

2454
01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:27,979
health status.

2455
01:19:28,679 --> 01:19:30,699
Just work at the next the next pier.

2456
01:19:32,679 --> 01:19:34,439
And yeah. And then that's that's what I

2457
01:19:34,439 --> 01:19:34,939
did.

2458
01:19:36,145 --> 01:19:37,505
Wow. I mean, that's a hell of a

2459
01:19:37,505 --> 01:19:39,425
journey. And I am you're still on the

2460
01:19:39,425 --> 01:19:41,045
journey, obviously. It's gonna

2461
01:19:41,505 --> 01:19:42,404
be a lifetime

2462
01:19:42,784 --> 01:19:44,784
that you keep working toward it, but your

2463
01:19:44,784 --> 01:19:46,164
health is back now?

2464
01:19:46,704 --> 01:19:48,704
Yeah. So my my health got back. I

2465
01:19:48,704 --> 01:19:50,885
then proceeded to go on this journey of

2466
01:19:51,289 --> 01:19:53,529
picking up picking up business and developing in

2467
01:19:53,529 --> 01:19:54,510
Columbia buildings,

2468
01:19:55,770 --> 01:19:58,569
and I built a foundation for veterans to

2469
01:19:58,569 --> 01:20:00,409
to try to to spread the word about

2470
01:20:00,409 --> 01:20:01,550
the stem cell stuff.

2471
01:20:01,930 --> 01:20:04,335
Warrior refit. Is that what that is? Yeah.

2472
01:20:04,335 --> 01:20:06,274
And then I and then I stepped into

2473
01:20:07,375 --> 01:20:10,015
I stepped into probably 50 to 60 ceremonies

2474
01:20:10,015 --> 01:20:13,534
of Ayahuasca with really disciplined intensive work around

2475
01:20:13,534 --> 01:20:15,534
it to follow that up with integration and

2476
01:20:15,534 --> 01:20:16,034
everything.

2477
01:20:16,460 --> 01:20:18,619
I've done most of the the medicines that

2478
01:20:18,619 --> 01:20:21,039
are available, whether it be peyote ceremonies,

2479
01:20:21,819 --> 01:20:23,439
whether it be woofo,

2480
01:20:24,699 --> 01:20:27,760
combo, the the the the venom. Frog. Yeah.

2481
01:20:28,139 --> 01:20:29,340
The frog. I've like I've

2482
01:20:31,045 --> 01:20:31,545
meditation.

2483
01:20:32,085 --> 01:20:34,024
I've and and in in this, I've managed

2484
01:20:35,125 --> 01:20:36,265
to open my heart,

2485
01:20:37,444 --> 01:20:39,524
which I thought was a throwaway line. I

2486
01:20:39,524 --> 01:20:41,685
had this battle showdown one day with myself

2487
01:20:41,685 --> 01:20:43,444
and Ayahuasca. I'm like, I will open my

2488
01:20:43,444 --> 01:20:45,604
heart today or die. So be it. Come

2489
01:20:45,604 --> 01:20:46,265
on, May.

2490
01:20:47,500 --> 01:20:49,180
And I managed to open my heart. I'm

2491
01:20:49,180 --> 01:20:50,699
able to fall in love with myself. I

2492
01:20:50,699 --> 01:20:52,699
was able to understand and really connect with

2493
01:20:52,699 --> 01:20:54,000
the feminine and God,

2494
01:20:54,300 --> 01:20:56,220
have a conversation with God and presence of

2495
01:20:56,220 --> 01:20:57,899
God and understand the plight of the of

2496
01:20:57,899 --> 01:20:59,579
the feminine and the the challenges in the

2497
01:20:59,579 --> 01:21:00,079
world.

2498
01:21:00,614 --> 01:21:03,175
And then also understand, like then then, like,

2499
01:21:03,175 --> 01:21:05,094
months later, I went down the masculine journey

2500
01:21:05,094 --> 01:21:07,354
and responsibility and stepping into that.

2501
01:21:08,135 --> 01:21:10,215
And that was its whole journey. I've found

2502
01:21:10,215 --> 01:21:12,215
a connection to god that I never had.

2503
01:21:12,215 --> 01:21:13,494
Like, I'd had every reason in the world

2504
01:21:13,494 --> 01:21:14,854
to be like, you couldn't convince me god

2505
01:21:14,854 --> 01:21:16,109
exists. Like, why why try?

2506
01:21:16,890 --> 01:21:18,569
You know, not that I've necessarily chosen a

2507
01:21:18,569 --> 01:21:20,090
religion to go down the line of, but

2508
01:21:20,090 --> 01:21:22,090
I've I've almost completed reading the whole bible.

2509
01:21:22,090 --> 01:21:24,170
I'm I'm about 40 pages or something from

2510
01:21:24,170 --> 01:21:24,829
the end.

2511
01:21:25,529 --> 01:21:26,590
Interesting read.

2512
01:21:26,969 --> 01:21:28,729
It is a very interesting read. I tell

2513
01:21:28,729 --> 01:21:30,315
you what, it's it's a lot of it's

2514
01:21:30,315 --> 01:21:31,675
a lot going on in there. There's a

2515
01:21:31,675 --> 01:21:33,055
lot going on in there.

2516
01:21:34,074 --> 01:21:36,235
But, yeah, I really stepped into that and

2517
01:21:36,235 --> 01:21:36,975
and then

2518
01:21:37,275 --> 01:21:39,515
did a whole bunch of investment into myself

2519
01:21:39,515 --> 01:21:41,914
for self development in in every other aspect

2520
01:21:41,914 --> 01:21:42,574
to understand

2521
01:21:43,275 --> 01:21:45,055
different parts of my life. And,

2522
01:21:45,770 --> 01:21:46,270
I

2523
01:21:46,810 --> 01:21:48,510
I've I've, like, left nothing

2524
01:21:48,890 --> 01:21:49,390
unturned

2525
01:21:49,690 --> 01:21:51,610
in in that development. The the last part

2526
01:21:51,610 --> 01:21:53,789
that I'm covering about the emotional spiritual

2527
01:21:54,570 --> 01:21:56,570
side is is to me far more interesting

2528
01:21:56,570 --> 01:21:57,494
than everything else.

2529
01:21:58,055 --> 01:22:00,295
I have done more work there than I

2530
01:22:00,295 --> 01:22:03,195
can possibly even try to comprehend, which is

2531
01:22:03,494 --> 01:22:06,055
allow me to understand every tier of spectrum

2532
01:22:06,055 --> 01:22:07,675
of emotion that, like,

2533
01:22:08,854 --> 01:22:10,395
you know, any of the

2534
01:22:11,130 --> 01:22:12,890
any of that space to me is, like,

2535
01:22:12,890 --> 01:22:15,210
really easy to recognize the emotion and and

2536
01:22:15,210 --> 01:22:17,470
and and understand and connect with it and

2537
01:22:17,610 --> 01:22:20,250
and process it. And relationships and and what

2538
01:22:20,250 --> 01:22:22,270
I'm looking for becomes much easier,

2539
01:22:22,984 --> 01:22:24,984
to process in in many ways when choosing

2540
01:22:24,984 --> 01:22:26,684
relationships and able to keep things

2541
01:22:27,224 --> 01:22:28,604
so extremely healthy,

2542
01:22:29,625 --> 01:22:30,524
on that front,

2543
01:22:30,904 --> 01:22:32,204
understand my past,

2544
01:22:32,585 --> 01:22:34,524
self awareness of my entire trajectory,

2545
01:22:35,260 --> 01:22:37,439
self awareness of, like is, like, with relationships,

2546
01:22:38,220 --> 01:22:40,859
stepping into responsibility for the business that I

2547
01:22:40,859 --> 01:22:41,359
create,

2548
01:22:42,220 --> 01:22:43,659
and what I do in this world. Like,

2549
01:22:43,659 --> 01:22:46,079
I I overhauled everything in my life that

2550
01:22:46,220 --> 01:22:48,460
I won't touch anything unless it's associated with

2551
01:22:48,460 --> 01:22:50,300
passion and service. You just can't pay me

2552
01:22:50,300 --> 01:22:52,284
enough. I just I just rather,

2553
01:22:53,305 --> 01:22:55,085
like, I'd rather live in a jungle.

2554
01:22:55,625 --> 01:22:57,545
And as a result of that, it's far

2555
01:22:57,545 --> 01:23:00,425
more rewarding in every capacity to to provide

2556
01:23:00,425 --> 01:23:02,985
a service to another person or do something

2557
01:23:02,985 --> 01:23:05,064
that's passionate or both that the likes of

2558
01:23:05,064 --> 01:23:06,524
passion in you or both.

2559
01:23:07,360 --> 01:23:09,280
That has been the most beautiful part of

2560
01:23:09,280 --> 01:23:10,979
the journey that I'm looking forward to.

2561
01:23:11,440 --> 01:23:12,340
When you said

2562
01:23:12,720 --> 01:23:14,420
I learned how to love myself,

2563
01:23:15,119 --> 01:23:17,619
that was the moment. Right? Then you realize

2564
01:23:19,054 --> 01:23:20,014
that everything

2565
01:23:21,295 --> 01:23:22,895
that this is the only reason we're here.

2566
01:23:22,895 --> 01:23:25,614
Right? The bottom line is love. If I

2567
01:23:25,614 --> 01:23:28,654
believe in something bigger than myself, and I

2568
01:23:28,654 --> 01:23:31,154
believe that we're all put here

2569
01:23:31,900 --> 01:23:34,720
in order to, a, figure out how remember

2570
01:23:35,100 --> 01:23:36,159
how to love ourselves

2571
01:23:36,699 --> 01:23:38,000
and how to love others.

2572
01:23:38,699 --> 01:23:39,760
And that compassion

2573
01:23:40,780 --> 01:23:42,640
has to has to be flowing

2574
01:23:43,020 --> 01:23:45,100
into oneself in order for us to have

2575
01:23:45,100 --> 01:23:46,755
the compassion for the rest of the world.

2576
01:23:47,074 --> 01:23:49,395
And you, honestly, that whole journey you went

2577
01:23:49,395 --> 01:23:49,895
on,

2578
01:23:50,675 --> 01:23:51,734
all those fires,

2579
01:23:52,354 --> 01:23:53,094
you wouldn't

2580
01:23:53,795 --> 01:23:56,354
be able to now operate in the world

2581
01:23:56,354 --> 01:23:59,175
with such great compassion and with such integrity

2582
01:23:59,699 --> 01:24:01,939
if you hadn't experienced those fires, all the

2583
01:24:01,939 --> 01:24:04,020
way back to little you who felt like

2584
01:24:04,020 --> 01:24:06,100
shit when your stepdad was being a jerk.

2585
01:24:06,100 --> 01:24:06,760
You know?

2586
01:24:07,140 --> 01:24:08,920
That in some place,

2587
01:24:09,619 --> 01:24:11,479
he was trying to make you forget

2588
01:24:12,340 --> 01:24:13,319
who you are.

2589
01:24:14,095 --> 01:24:16,734
And then in that moment of you sort

2590
01:24:16,734 --> 01:24:18,114
of waking up and saying,

2591
01:24:18,574 --> 01:24:19,715
oh, I love myself.

2592
01:24:20,335 --> 01:24:23,454
That that remembrance, that's the minute, that's the

2593
01:24:23,454 --> 01:24:26,655
that's the moment that Genesis, right, that god

2594
01:24:26,655 --> 01:24:28,034
and you touch fingers.

2595
01:24:29,210 --> 01:24:31,210
It's yeah. There's a lot to unpack there.

2596
01:24:31,210 --> 01:24:31,710
The

2597
01:24:32,649 --> 01:24:34,729
the the going back to my childhood and

2598
01:24:34,729 --> 01:24:37,289
didn't connecting with that child within certain, like,

2599
01:24:37,289 --> 01:24:38,510
breath work or whatever

2600
01:24:39,050 --> 01:24:41,710
or what they've been pretty powerful and intense.

2601
01:24:42,385 --> 01:24:43,824
And it's like, one of the things that

2602
01:24:43,824 --> 01:24:45,045
came up with it's like,

2603
01:24:45,824 --> 01:24:47,585
yeah. I'm I'm like, he was just tired

2604
01:24:47,585 --> 01:24:49,744
of doing adult shit. He, like, he was

2605
01:24:49,744 --> 01:24:51,445
tired of being an adult too early

2606
01:24:51,984 --> 01:24:53,505
to take care of me and take care

2607
01:24:53,505 --> 01:24:54,945
of and and it's like and then there's

2608
01:24:54,945 --> 01:24:56,085
this duty of responsibility

2609
01:24:56,385 --> 01:24:58,219
handover where I was like, hey, man. This

2610
01:24:58,219 --> 01:24:59,439
isn't your work anymore.

2611
01:24:59,979 --> 01:25:01,500
And it was like it was interesting to

2612
01:25:01,500 --> 01:25:03,020
see that, yeah, he didn't he didn't get

2613
01:25:03,020 --> 01:25:04,699
the the as much of the childhood as

2614
01:25:04,699 --> 01:25:05,279
he wanted,

2615
01:25:06,060 --> 01:25:06,960
or he needed,

2616
01:25:07,899 --> 01:25:10,460
but, you know, that having to remove love

2617
01:25:10,460 --> 01:25:12,824
from the equation was was challenging. So then,

2618
01:25:12,824 --> 01:25:14,505
you know, being able to reconnect with him

2619
01:25:14,505 --> 01:25:16,925
now in this theory is much happier

2620
01:25:17,704 --> 01:25:20,185
and more grateful for that journey. More grateful

2621
01:25:20,185 --> 01:25:22,185
for the of God into all of this

2622
01:25:22,185 --> 01:25:24,505
as well. Mhmm. Or God or whatever or

2623
01:25:24,505 --> 01:25:26,025
whatever you wanna call it. Yeah. You can

2624
01:25:26,025 --> 01:25:28,890
call it anything. It's it's yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

2625
01:25:28,890 --> 01:25:30,649
I and for me on that one, it's

2626
01:25:30,649 --> 01:25:31,630
like, you know,

2627
01:25:33,529 --> 01:25:35,210
my thoughts around that is it's like, okay.

2628
01:25:35,210 --> 01:25:36,890
In order to tell in order to to

2629
01:25:36,890 --> 01:25:38,590
dictate to me that there is no god

2630
01:25:38,729 --> 01:25:40,489
or or energy source or whatever it is,

2631
01:25:40,489 --> 01:25:42,409
it's cool. You have to conjure the concept

2632
01:25:42,409 --> 01:25:43,984
of this thing in your mind, which is

2633
01:25:43,984 --> 01:25:46,305
where god's created within yourself because how else

2634
01:25:46,305 --> 01:25:47,905
do you create something external unless you don't

2635
01:25:47,905 --> 01:25:49,765
create it within your own realm and understanding?

2636
01:25:50,385 --> 01:25:51,824
You have to create this to then tell

2637
01:25:51,824 --> 01:25:53,505
me that that thing that you now know

2638
01:25:53,505 --> 01:25:55,905
is a thing doesn't exist, which means you've

2639
01:25:55,905 --> 01:25:57,364
just given it the power of existence.

2640
01:25:58,219 --> 01:26:00,300
So what you wanna do is people wanna

2641
01:26:00,300 --> 01:26:02,219
take that, whatever that is, and be like,

2642
01:26:02,219 --> 01:26:03,819
well, I I don't have enough space in

2643
01:26:03,819 --> 01:26:05,579
my realm, and I'm scared of that. It's

2644
01:26:05,579 --> 01:26:07,899
really fear that governs most people's decision making.

2645
01:26:07,899 --> 01:26:09,739
Right? People operating from a place of fear.

2646
01:26:09,739 --> 01:26:10,859
So they put it in a box, lock

2647
01:26:10,859 --> 01:26:12,219
that box, sit on it, refuse to ever

2648
01:26:12,219 --> 01:26:13,359
look in it, and they're like,

2649
01:26:13,744 --> 01:26:15,824
god or the grand spirit or or whatever

2650
01:26:15,824 --> 01:26:17,925
it is doesn't exist. It's like, okay.

2651
01:26:19,505 --> 01:26:21,344
Not gonna try to unpack all of that,

2652
01:26:21,344 --> 01:26:23,664
but it's but it's like the greatest gift

2653
01:26:23,664 --> 01:26:24,645
for me is

2654
01:26:25,024 --> 01:26:28,409
stepping into the fear of god and that

2655
01:26:28,409 --> 01:26:30,890
there being a god. Like, it's actually and

2656
01:26:30,890 --> 01:26:33,229
since having that element of god and acknowledgment

2657
01:26:33,289 --> 01:26:34,350
of that in my life,

2658
01:26:35,210 --> 01:26:36,810
everything that I step into because when I

2659
01:26:36,810 --> 01:26:38,810
go to these Ayahuas and all these ceremonies

2660
01:26:38,810 --> 01:26:40,810
and things and and everything else in my

2661
01:26:40,810 --> 01:26:43,054
life, The bigger the fear and I'm not

2662
01:26:43,054 --> 01:26:43,954
talking existential

2663
01:26:44,335 --> 01:26:46,675
or if it's an existential fear, you're like,

2664
01:26:47,054 --> 01:26:50,094
yeah. Don't walk closely into that cliff. Stupid.

2665
01:26:50,094 --> 01:26:52,094
Right? But you've got these fears that are

2666
01:26:52,094 --> 01:26:54,000
really what I call the breadcrumbs of god

2667
01:26:54,479 --> 01:26:56,319
where it's like just trying to get you

2668
01:26:56,319 --> 01:26:58,079
further along your path and give you a

2669
01:26:58,079 --> 01:26:59,760
little lay up, little alley oop, and you're

2670
01:26:59,760 --> 01:27:00,239
just like

2671
01:27:00,960 --> 01:27:02,800
it's just it's and it comes in the

2672
01:27:02,800 --> 01:27:04,800
form of fear. And every time I step

2673
01:27:04,800 --> 01:27:07,119
into that fear, every time I step into

2674
01:27:07,119 --> 01:27:09,765
deeper or surrender to the challenge or the

2675
01:27:09,765 --> 01:27:10,265
darkness,

2676
01:27:11,284 --> 01:27:11,784
I

2677
01:27:12,404 --> 01:27:15,225
am rewarded immensely by God for courage.

2678
01:27:15,844 --> 01:27:17,364
So I'm at and which is actually to

2679
01:27:17,364 --> 01:27:19,704
me, you know, I don't I don't get

2680
01:27:21,539 --> 01:27:23,219
after the military career and what I was

2681
01:27:23,219 --> 01:27:24,119
doing, I didn't

2682
01:27:24,579 --> 01:27:26,340
like, by my by my last trip, I,

2683
01:27:26,899 --> 01:27:28,819
I I I was, you know, I'm I'm

2684
01:27:28,819 --> 01:27:30,260
sitting in a helicopter with a dog strapped

2685
01:27:30,260 --> 01:27:32,260
to me, ammunition guns at night, flying and

2686
01:27:32,260 --> 01:27:34,099
waiting to skydive out of it, and I

2687
01:27:34,099 --> 01:27:36,284
would sleep in it. Like, my heart rate

2688
01:27:36,284 --> 01:27:37,885
would be so low. I just sleep the

2689
01:27:37,885 --> 01:27:39,725
whole time, and someone would tap me, and

2690
01:27:39,725 --> 01:27:41,824
they'd be like, alright. 3 minutes screaming.

2691
01:27:42,204 --> 01:27:43,565
So like, they'd have to do a colored

2692
01:27:43,565 --> 01:27:45,485
light, so he explained to me. We're jumping.

2693
01:27:45,485 --> 01:27:46,925
I'm like, cool. I'd go back to sleep

2694
01:27:46,925 --> 01:27:48,779
until they tap me on 1 minute, and

2695
01:27:48,859 --> 01:27:49,979
they'd be like, in one minute, we're a

2696
01:27:49,979 --> 01:27:51,340
jump. There's nothing else I need to do.

2697
01:27:51,340 --> 01:27:52,859
I'm completely prepared to jump out of this

2698
01:27:52,859 --> 01:27:54,639
aircraft for the last 2 hours.

2699
01:27:55,179 --> 01:27:57,420
But it's like, after that, I don't get

2700
01:27:57,420 --> 01:27:58,639
this rush of courage

2701
01:27:59,260 --> 01:28:01,840
or adrenaline or whatever format it is anymore.

2702
01:28:02,539 --> 01:28:03,199
The medicines,

2703
01:28:04,085 --> 01:28:06,404
they've given me an opportunity to find that.

2704
01:28:06,404 --> 01:28:08,484
And and it and through this path of

2705
01:28:08,484 --> 01:28:10,164
god, it's given me an opportunity to step

2706
01:28:10,164 --> 01:28:11,625
further into that courage. And

2707
01:28:12,005 --> 01:28:14,104
the more I do that, the more I'm

2708
01:28:14,164 --> 01:28:18,744
rewarded. Right? So that's become the unknown completely

2709
01:28:18,804 --> 01:28:19,304
unknown,

2710
01:28:20,010 --> 01:28:20,510
like,

2711
01:28:21,449 --> 01:28:23,630
far out of left field sort of

2712
01:28:24,010 --> 01:28:24,510
blessing

2713
01:28:25,130 --> 01:28:27,210
in my life that I wasn't prepared for.

2714
01:28:27,210 --> 01:28:28,809
And I know I know America is, for

2715
01:28:28,809 --> 01:28:29,689
the most part, is like

2716
01:28:31,369 --> 01:28:33,130
really wants to run away from that god

2717
01:28:33,130 --> 01:28:35,404
concept. Well, it's religion. There's a difference between

2718
01:28:35,404 --> 01:28:37,505
God and religion. There's a difference between

2719
01:28:37,805 --> 01:28:39,265
what you're talking about

2720
01:28:39,725 --> 01:28:42,944
and the thing that happens in organized religion,

2721
01:28:43,005 --> 01:28:43,505
which

2722
01:28:44,045 --> 01:28:46,125
I think tends to prey on fear and

2723
01:28:46,125 --> 01:28:48,770
hate more than lift up in love and

2724
01:28:48,770 --> 01:28:49,270
understanding.

2725
01:28:50,050 --> 01:28:51,909
Yeah. Yeah. They're 2 different things.

2726
01:28:52,289 --> 01:28:54,289
Correct. 100 100%. They,

2727
01:28:55,489 --> 01:28:56,469
yeah, it is

2728
01:28:57,010 --> 01:28:59,489
is there I've also become less naive to

2729
01:28:59,489 --> 01:29:00,309
the fact that

2730
01:29:00,744 --> 01:29:03,005
maybe there is some general, like,

2731
01:29:05,385 --> 01:29:07,625
to to evil in the world. Like, I

2732
01:29:07,625 --> 01:29:09,305
just thought evil was, you know, the I

2733
01:29:09,305 --> 01:29:11,244
thought it was like it was misguided love.

2734
01:29:11,385 --> 01:29:12,824
I actually think that there is there is

2735
01:29:12,824 --> 01:29:13,944
some of that in the world, and I

2736
01:29:13,944 --> 01:29:15,164
have to face the naive.

2737
01:29:15,960 --> 01:29:18,060
Like, my naivety was a young man that

2738
01:29:18,119 --> 01:29:20,060
that that might not actually be the case.

2739
01:29:20,520 --> 01:29:21,500
But there is some

2740
01:29:21,960 --> 01:29:23,260
general, you know,

2741
01:29:24,360 --> 01:29:24,860
misguidedness

2742
01:29:25,560 --> 01:29:26,619
deliberate misguidedness

2743
01:29:27,079 --> 01:29:28,140
on on that front.

2744
01:29:28,474 --> 01:29:30,814
So that's it. It's the balance. As much

2745
01:29:31,354 --> 01:29:34,715
love and goodness, there's probably an evil and

2746
01:29:34,715 --> 01:29:36,335
hate hateful counter

2747
01:29:36,875 --> 01:29:39,274
counter to it, but I do think hate

2748
01:29:39,274 --> 01:29:41,594
is the absence of love. Like, the true

2749
01:29:41,594 --> 01:29:43,135
hate, when you talk to someone

2750
01:29:43,729 --> 01:29:44,630
and they're so passionate

2751
01:29:45,010 --> 01:29:45,909
in their hate,

2752
01:29:46,369 --> 01:29:48,689
I think, wow, this person's really passionate, which

2753
01:29:48,689 --> 01:29:49,130
is

2754
01:29:49,569 --> 01:29:52,149
but right up against love, really.

2755
01:29:52,529 --> 01:29:54,929
What they're afraid of, I think, for the

2756
01:29:54,929 --> 01:29:58,164
most part in their hate is seeing themselves

2757
01:29:58,225 --> 01:29:59,984
in the thing they hate. That's what they're

2758
01:29:59,984 --> 01:30:02,784
really afraid of. That's what I've heard. If

2759
01:30:02,784 --> 01:30:04,385
I have a frustration with someone or whatever,

2760
01:30:04,385 --> 01:30:06,305
it's just a reflection of the past of

2761
01:30:06,305 --> 01:30:08,085
me that I most uncomfortable.

2762
01:30:08,860 --> 01:30:10,539
Yeah. I know. And and, yeah, I feel

2763
01:30:10,539 --> 01:30:12,320
that. Like, I feel they're doing it out

2764
01:30:12,780 --> 01:30:14,780
of they're doing it out of ultimate love

2765
01:30:14,780 --> 01:30:16,619
for themselves and fear of losing whatever it

2766
01:30:16,619 --> 01:30:18,800
is that they have. Or hate for themselves.

2767
01:30:19,260 --> 01:30:21,420
Self loathing. Self loathing is a hell of

2768
01:30:21,420 --> 01:30:24,604
a motivator. You know? Yeah. Actually, yeah, that

2769
01:30:24,604 --> 01:30:26,284
one, you can't hate yourself to success, but

2770
01:30:26,284 --> 01:30:27,984
damn well, we we we try.

2771
01:30:28,444 --> 01:30:30,225
Yeah. You know? Yeah. So

2772
01:30:30,844 --> 01:30:33,005
really quick, though, I wanna touch on I've

2773
01:30:33,005 --> 01:30:35,505
kept you so long. The Warrior Refit Foundation,

2774
01:30:35,725 --> 01:30:38,150
is that doing well? To be honest, no.

2775
01:30:38,369 --> 01:30:40,770
Right? And it it's relative. I would say

2776
01:30:40,770 --> 01:30:42,550
no. Because what I worked out was

2777
01:30:43,329 --> 01:30:45,650
I worked out that just became a vessel

2778
01:30:45,650 --> 01:30:47,590
for for spreading the word.

2779
01:30:48,689 --> 01:30:50,530
And and my ultimate goal was to get

2780
01:30:50,530 --> 01:30:51,189
it into

2781
01:30:51,729 --> 01:30:52,710
Veterans Affairs

2782
01:30:53,944 --> 01:30:56,505
at serving militaries actually because it'd be so

2783
01:30:56,505 --> 01:30:58,264
much better to be prevention rather than cure

2784
01:30:58,264 --> 01:30:59,625
on many fronts, which it does. It can

2785
01:30:59,625 --> 01:31:01,965
be used as preventive medicine regenerative. It's literally

2786
01:31:02,984 --> 01:31:05,625
cells entering your body that aren't designated cells.

2787
01:31:05,625 --> 01:31:09,000
They find damaged or missing cells, and they

2788
01:31:09,140 --> 01:31:11,300
they fix them. Right? And the technology is

2789
01:31:11,300 --> 01:31:12,979
only getting better every year. What saved my

2790
01:31:12,979 --> 01:31:15,539
life is now probably 3 to 5 times

2791
01:31:15,539 --> 01:31:16,680
more efficient

2792
01:31:17,220 --> 01:31:19,460
and 1 third the price. So it's like

2793
01:31:19,859 --> 01:31:21,539
so what I did was I got a

2794
01:31:21,539 --> 01:31:23,640
mate who's the extremely successful entrepreneur,

2795
01:31:24,185 --> 01:31:25,725
tech entrepreneur that that

2796
01:31:26,025 --> 01:31:28,585
we built a company out now. And that

2797
01:31:28,585 --> 01:31:30,265
basically trying to build out an entire national

2798
01:31:30,265 --> 01:31:32,345
stem cell company across the United States so

2799
01:31:32,345 --> 01:31:34,664
that we can basically get the message out

2800
01:31:34,664 --> 01:31:35,164
there,

2801
01:31:35,545 --> 01:31:37,864
correlate as such as much data as possible,

2802
01:31:37,864 --> 01:31:39,385
and then get that into the hands of

2803
01:31:39,385 --> 01:31:39,840
those

2804
01:31:40,319 --> 01:31:42,560
veteran congressmen that do care. The reason I

2805
01:31:42,560 --> 01:31:43,619
wanna affect America

2806
01:31:44,079 --> 01:31:45,279
is not just as I in the thick

2807
01:31:45,279 --> 01:31:46,560
of it with those guys over there because

2808
01:31:46,560 --> 01:31:48,399
those helicopter pilots were not Australian. They were

2809
01:31:48,399 --> 01:31:49,760
American. They were there every day. They came

2810
01:31:49,760 --> 01:31:51,439
in a snowstorm supply. It's how they came

2811
01:31:51,439 --> 01:31:53,635
in a gun. Dude's like almost getting shot

2812
01:31:53,635 --> 01:31:55,074
out of the sky together on so many

2813
01:31:55,074 --> 01:31:56,935
occasions. It was like it's a shit show.

2814
01:31:57,314 --> 01:31:59,074
So it's like we're all in together. Right?

2815
01:31:59,074 --> 01:32:00,295
So as far as I'm concerned,

2816
01:32:00,835 --> 01:32:02,594
those nations that I serve with, it's like

2817
01:32:02,594 --> 01:32:04,194
1 in all in. But it's like in

2818
01:32:04,194 --> 01:32:06,034
America, if they do it, if they change

2819
01:32:06,034 --> 01:32:08,010
it, and they introduce stem cells into your

2820
01:32:08,010 --> 01:32:09,469
system here, then the rest follow.

2821
01:32:10,090 --> 01:32:10,590
So

2822
01:32:11,210 --> 01:32:12,349
building up the company

2823
01:32:12,729 --> 01:32:15,130
and creating a format where the more public

2824
01:32:15,130 --> 01:32:16,729
that do it, the more veterans that do

2825
01:32:16,729 --> 01:32:18,090
it, the more people that do it, you

2826
01:32:18,090 --> 01:32:19,630
know, and the and

2827
01:32:20,444 --> 01:32:21,904
the the more that I can affect

2828
01:32:22,284 --> 01:32:24,524
that space and get this across. So it's,

2829
01:32:24,524 --> 01:32:27,404
like, becoming a pretty interesting and very fast

2830
01:32:27,404 --> 01:32:29,085
moving journey to do this, by the way,

2831
01:32:29,085 --> 01:32:32,364
which Great and wonderful, and I think, yay,

2832
01:32:32,364 --> 01:32:34,704
more power to you. I I hope that

2833
01:32:35,400 --> 01:32:35,900
everyone

2834
01:32:37,400 --> 01:32:40,520
far and wide can utilize this technique and

2835
01:32:40,520 --> 01:32:41,260
this treatment.

2836
01:32:41,720 --> 01:32:43,900
Yeah. Because it's pretty much a no brainer.

2837
01:32:44,039 --> 01:32:46,119
You know? It works. It's been proven to

2838
01:32:46,119 --> 01:32:48,860
work. So what's the problem? You know?

2839
01:32:49,225 --> 01:32:50,984
That's it. It's been it's been it's been

2840
01:32:50,984 --> 01:32:52,505
proven to work immensely, but I think there's

2841
01:32:52,505 --> 01:32:54,444
an agenda by the Always.

2842
01:32:54,744 --> 01:32:56,664
Pharmaceutical industry to like, you know, they'll get

2843
01:32:56,664 --> 01:32:57,805
control of it eventually.

2844
01:32:58,265 --> 01:32:59,545
That's how they they move, but it's a

2845
01:32:59,545 --> 01:33:01,625
big machine, and it needs to move slow

2846
01:33:01,625 --> 01:33:03,229
so it doesn't rock the boat because it's

2847
01:33:03,390 --> 01:33:05,869
Pharmaceutical companies don't want us getting better. We've

2848
01:33:05,869 --> 01:33:07,250
been certainly not.

2849
01:33:08,029 --> 01:33:10,670
It's a logically in their interest. Yeah. Like,

2850
01:33:10,670 --> 01:33:12,750
it it would rock the boat significantly. But

2851
01:33:12,829 --> 01:33:13,869
yeah. So I I took

2852
01:33:14,590 --> 01:33:16,689
that's how that has shifted to this,

2853
01:33:17,550 --> 01:33:18,529
which has become

2854
01:33:18,945 --> 01:33:21,265
service. It's become, like, really awesome to help

2855
01:33:21,265 --> 01:33:22,085
people, like,

2856
01:33:22,625 --> 01:33:24,005
you know, just

2857
01:33:24,305 --> 01:33:26,064
across the nation that are that are that

2858
01:33:26,064 --> 01:33:28,305
are struggling with these things and give them

2859
01:33:28,305 --> 01:33:30,064
give them some hope and give them some

2860
01:33:30,064 --> 01:33:31,585
some journey. I haven't yet to come across

2861
01:33:31,585 --> 01:33:33,345
anyone who hasn't had any results at all.

2862
01:33:33,345 --> 01:33:35,920
So it's like it's it it is moving

2863
01:33:35,920 --> 01:33:37,920
the needle there. With all the journey that

2864
01:33:37,920 --> 01:33:39,599
I've done, even though I've done my best

2865
01:33:39,599 --> 01:33:41,760
to summarize it, I find myself working with

2866
01:33:41,760 --> 01:33:42,260
men

2867
01:33:42,719 --> 01:33:45,599
in, like, in in performance orientation and really

2868
01:33:45,599 --> 01:33:47,760
excavating their past to orientate their future and

2869
01:33:47,760 --> 01:33:49,380
get their whole life in together.

2870
01:33:49,824 --> 01:33:52,145
And that's been extremely rewarding as well. You

2871
01:33:52,145 --> 01:33:53,984
can help change these guys' lives for for

2872
01:33:53,984 --> 01:33:56,305
the better and how that changes their family,

2873
01:33:56,305 --> 01:33:58,225
how it heals their family, their relationship, what

2874
01:33:58,225 --> 01:33:59,505
they do with their life, what they go

2875
01:33:59,505 --> 01:34:01,984
with their life is, profound. And I've I've

2876
01:34:01,984 --> 01:34:04,149
been working with if I get my choice,

2877
01:34:04,149 --> 01:34:05,510
because I've only got so many people I

2878
01:34:05,510 --> 01:34:07,109
can work with at a time, I work

2879
01:34:07,109 --> 01:34:07,770
with veterans,

2880
01:34:09,029 --> 01:34:11,210
and and, you know, it's it's been

2881
01:34:11,829 --> 01:34:13,829
immensely rewarding. I've even got, like, you know,

2882
01:34:13,829 --> 01:34:15,909
a mate of mine humble enough to go,

2883
01:34:15,909 --> 01:34:18,145
hey. Would you work with me? And just

2884
01:34:18,145 --> 01:34:19,984
watching him change and watching him step into

2885
01:34:19,984 --> 01:34:21,264
his life, and the things that have come

2886
01:34:21,264 --> 01:34:22,965
without of are extremely,

2887
01:34:23,425 --> 01:34:25,744
you know, profound. So it's it's I'm glad

2888
01:34:25,744 --> 01:34:28,304
that my suffering isn't all, like, in in

2889
01:34:28,304 --> 01:34:30,810
vain, like, just lost in that journey.

2890
01:34:31,110 --> 01:34:33,270
Well, you went from service to your nation

2891
01:34:33,270 --> 01:34:35,270
to service to the world. I think that's

2892
01:34:35,270 --> 01:34:36,250
a nice transition.

2893
01:34:37,110 --> 01:34:37,610
Yeah.

2894
01:34:37,989 --> 01:34:40,550
Yeah. I had this question come up. So

2895
01:34:40,550 --> 01:34:41,289
when I was,

2896
01:34:42,710 --> 01:34:44,250
because service is great. Right?

2897
01:34:45,054 --> 01:34:47,135
And but I had this thing come up

2898
01:34:47,135 --> 01:34:47,635
when

2899
01:34:48,255 --> 01:34:51,074
I went to Australia after after Burning Man,

2900
01:34:51,614 --> 01:34:53,454
and I had this moment where I I

2901
01:34:53,454 --> 01:34:54,914
set myself as like, alright.

2902
01:34:55,454 --> 01:34:57,375
You're not dying anymore. You're not gonna die.

2903
01:34:57,375 --> 01:34:58,895
So that identity is not part of you

2904
01:34:58,895 --> 01:34:59,369
anymore.

2905
01:34:59,850 --> 01:35:01,930
Sweet. I'm not the the dying person. Not

2906
01:35:01,930 --> 01:35:03,530
that I go talk to people like, hey.

2907
01:35:03,530 --> 01:35:04,810
I'm a dying person, but it would be

2908
01:35:04,810 --> 01:35:06,729
like something that I had to identify that

2909
01:35:06,729 --> 01:35:08,170
time that I'm the fighting for my life

2910
01:35:08,170 --> 01:35:09,550
person. This is my job.

2911
01:35:10,010 --> 01:35:12,090
And I remember I'm like, cool. What would

2912
01:35:12,090 --> 01:35:12,750
you do

2913
01:35:13,515 --> 01:35:15,675
if you had cancer or you were finding

2914
01:35:15,675 --> 01:35:17,755
out you're dying or you went to jail

2915
01:35:17,755 --> 01:35:19,994
or whatever, and suddenly that wasn't the case

2916
01:35:19,994 --> 01:35:21,994
and you managed to you had your life

2917
01:35:21,994 --> 01:35:23,675
back? What was the one thing you do?

2918
01:35:23,675 --> 01:35:25,054
So I I went I

2919
01:35:25,435 --> 01:35:27,789
searched my soul pretty deep. I'm like, went

2920
01:35:27,789 --> 01:35:29,070
back to my childhood. I'm like, the only

2921
01:35:29,070 --> 01:35:30,289
2 things I love were

2922
01:35:31,550 --> 01:35:33,869
were were were war and acting, in particular,

2923
01:35:33,869 --> 01:35:35,090
war movies. Right?

2924
01:35:35,550 --> 01:35:36,770
So I'm like, okay.

2925
01:35:37,229 --> 01:35:39,630
Well, what's there to that? And I ended

2926
01:35:39,630 --> 01:35:42,574
up going down this path of just diligently

2927
01:35:42,715 --> 01:35:44,414
studying acting intensely,

2928
01:35:45,994 --> 01:35:48,255
for you know, I didn't half cock things,

2929
01:35:49,994 --> 01:35:52,235
for for, like, you know, a year and

2930
01:35:52,235 --> 01:35:54,015
a half, and then I'm like, okay. Cool.

2931
01:35:54,155 --> 01:35:54,954
Alright. Well, I'm a

2932
01:35:55,890 --> 01:35:57,409
a I guess it's time. I'll I'll go

2933
01:35:57,409 --> 01:35:58,770
to you know, I took that off as

2934
01:35:58,770 --> 01:36:00,210
a passion. Right? Because I'm like, that's the

2935
01:36:00,210 --> 01:36:01,810
only art I've ever loved and I ever

2936
01:36:01,810 --> 01:36:03,649
liked, and and I'm like, cool. And I'm

2937
01:36:03,649 --> 01:36:05,170
also just a marathon, not a sprint. I

2938
01:36:05,170 --> 01:36:06,149
don't have to,

2939
01:36:06,929 --> 01:36:09,685
you know, rush anything anymore. Right? My life's

2940
01:36:09,685 --> 01:36:11,685
so my life's great. My journey's great, and

2941
01:36:11,685 --> 01:36:12,965
I will achieve whatever it is that I

2942
01:36:12,965 --> 01:36:14,885
wanna achieve. I've worked out in in whatever

2943
01:36:14,885 --> 01:36:16,645
period of time. It doesn't matter. I get

2944
01:36:16,645 --> 01:36:18,965
there. Took that up and ended up ended

2945
01:36:18,965 --> 01:36:20,025
up going to,

2946
01:36:20,710 --> 01:36:22,729
going to LA, and they had that strike.

2947
01:36:22,789 --> 01:36:24,469
It's just so funny. I got here, and

2948
01:36:24,469 --> 01:36:26,069
I'm, like, talking to some producers and people

2949
01:36:26,069 --> 01:36:28,149
that I I know because I've just met

2950
01:36:28,149 --> 01:36:29,829
a lot of people. And then they had

2951
01:36:29,829 --> 01:36:31,670
the strike, and I'm like ended up meeting

2952
01:36:31,670 --> 01:36:33,429
1. He's like, well, we're probably still shooting

2953
01:36:33,429 --> 01:36:35,864
out in in Bulgaria. And I'm like I'm

2954
01:36:35,864 --> 01:36:37,864
like, oh, really? And I was like, 2

2955
01:36:37,864 --> 01:36:39,484
days later, I caught a flight to Bulgaria.

2956
01:36:39,784 --> 01:36:41,625
It's appeared in the casting director's office. I'm

2957
01:36:41,625 --> 01:36:43,564
like, hey. I'm just gonna be local.

2958
01:36:44,024 --> 01:36:45,864
Anyway, ended up working out pretty well for

2959
01:36:45,864 --> 01:36:47,484
me. Got a few films out there

2960
01:36:47,949 --> 01:36:50,590
last year that that'll they're on when they're

2961
01:36:50,590 --> 01:36:52,829
released, they'll be on Paramount Plus. So it's

2962
01:36:52,829 --> 01:36:55,390
like also and also so it's like I

2963
01:36:55,390 --> 01:36:57,729
was able to do that side as well,

2964
01:36:58,189 --> 01:36:59,789
which is like so I'm still, like, in

2965
01:36:59,789 --> 01:37:02,094
the pursuit of doing things well beyond my

2966
01:37:02,094 --> 01:37:05,054
control, well beyond my abilities and just, like,

2967
01:37:05,054 --> 01:37:07,295
getting there. Hey. Half the battle is showing

2968
01:37:07,295 --> 01:37:07,795
up.

2969
01:37:08,175 --> 01:37:09,935
Half the battle is showing up. But, yeah,

2970
01:37:09,935 --> 01:37:10,755
I I've, like,

2971
01:37:11,215 --> 01:37:13,635
I've managed to really come full circle

2972
01:37:14,489 --> 01:37:16,489
on the things that I wanna do in

2973
01:37:16,489 --> 01:37:17,789
my life for

2974
01:37:18,810 --> 01:37:20,890
the rest of it. Right? I think the

2975
01:37:20,890 --> 01:37:22,989
most beautiful journeys of this whole

2976
01:37:24,329 --> 01:37:26,890
working on my spiritual side, working on my

2977
01:37:26,890 --> 01:37:29,685
emotional, my mental, physical, everything. I'm so much

2978
01:37:29,685 --> 01:37:31,364
more in tune with the meditations with my

2979
01:37:31,364 --> 01:37:34,324
body, everything that I'm able to, like, now

2980
01:37:34,324 --> 01:37:36,324
orientate myself onto a calm path of things

2981
01:37:36,324 --> 01:37:37,604
that I'm happy to do for the next

2982
01:37:37,604 --> 01:37:39,545
20 to 30 years. Yeah.

2983
01:37:39,845 --> 01:37:40,324
That's,

2984
01:37:40,725 --> 01:37:41,699
and that's been

2985
01:37:42,579 --> 01:37:44,100
it's kind of, you know, like, I I've

2986
01:37:44,100 --> 01:37:45,720
been probably in one of the most prosperous

2987
01:37:45,780 --> 01:37:48,020
states of of my entire life now after

2988
01:37:48,020 --> 01:37:48,760
this journey.

2989
01:37:49,460 --> 01:37:50,199
That's wonderful.

2990
01:37:50,579 --> 01:37:53,220
I really appreciate you sharing this story with

2991
01:37:53,220 --> 01:37:54,440
me, your story.

2992
01:37:55,375 --> 01:37:57,534
Welcome. I mean, I'm I'm like, I'm happy

2993
01:37:57,534 --> 01:37:58,034
to

2994
01:37:58,975 --> 01:38:01,135
there's there's layers here of what I would

2995
01:38:01,135 --> 01:38:03,055
not have shared in the past, but now

2996
01:38:03,055 --> 01:38:04,675
I'm like an open book truth

2997
01:38:05,215 --> 01:38:07,935
forthcoming with everything and every information that, like

2998
01:38:08,095 --> 01:38:09,930
because if I can, so you have a

2999
01:38:09,930 --> 01:38:11,529
veteran that listens or whatever. If I can

3000
01:38:11,529 --> 01:38:14,010
help 1 guy Mhmm. And take his path

3001
01:38:14,010 --> 01:38:16,729
to step into courage to talking about or

3002
01:38:16,729 --> 01:38:18,250
whatever, I it's for me, that's a fair

3003
01:38:18,250 --> 01:38:20,649
deal. I'll I'll I'll spend whatever time it

3004
01:38:20,649 --> 01:38:21,630
takes to save

3005
01:38:22,010 --> 01:38:22,989
say or let's

3006
01:38:23,369 --> 01:38:25,845
say save, but let's say to reorientate

3007
01:38:26,385 --> 01:38:29,024
one one veteran. That's a deal. I'm with

3008
01:38:29,024 --> 01:38:30,725
you on that one for sure.

3009
01:38:31,425 --> 01:38:33,765
Yeah. Tell people how can they find you.

3010
01:38:34,385 --> 01:38:37,104
Instagram. I I I I don't like multiple

3011
01:38:37,104 --> 01:38:38,944
layers of social media. I hate it. So

3012
01:38:38,944 --> 01:38:40,719
I'm just like, I'm just I'm just decided

3013
01:38:40,719 --> 01:38:42,639
Instagram is it, and Instagram is where if

3014
01:38:42,639 --> 01:38:45,359
anyone wants me, they'll find me. Yeah. And

3015
01:38:45,359 --> 01:38:47,219
I'll put a link on Hey Human Podcasts,

3016
01:38:48,000 --> 01:38:50,179
link page so they can find you easy.

3017
01:38:50,560 --> 01:38:51,859
Awesome. Thanks, Susan.

3018
01:38:53,034 --> 01:38:54,715
Great talking with you. Next time you're in

3019
01:38:54,715 --> 01:38:56,154
LA, give me a call. I'm in Santa

3020
01:38:56,154 --> 01:38:58,154
Monica. We'll go grab coffee. You're a cool

3021
01:38:58,154 --> 01:38:58,654
dude.

3022
01:38:59,594 --> 01:39:01,594
Totally down for that. I, look, I I

3023
01:39:01,594 --> 01:39:02,795
keep last time I was there, I was

3024
01:39:02,795 --> 01:39:04,154
staying, which is a which is a few

3025
01:39:04,154 --> 01:39:06,154
weeks ago, I was staying in Westwood. I'm

3026
01:39:06,154 --> 01:39:08,850
slowly learning more about the city. Yeah. I

3027
01:39:09,229 --> 01:39:11,650
not like your traffic, but I Nope.

3028
01:39:12,190 --> 01:39:14,110
I walk everywhere, so it's fine. I live

3029
01:39:14,110 --> 01:39:15,869
in a walkable city. You know, in Santa

3030
01:39:15,869 --> 01:39:17,390
Monica, I live right by the beach, so

3031
01:39:17,390 --> 01:39:18,770
I can I walked everything?

3032
01:39:19,070 --> 01:39:20,829
Well, that's that's just terrible. I did stay

3033
01:39:20,829 --> 01:39:22,350
in Venice Beach, and I learned some shit

3034
01:39:22,350 --> 01:39:23,550
out there too. I can tell you that

3035
01:39:23,550 --> 01:39:26,425
much. Yeah. That's not what I was like.

3036
01:39:26,645 --> 01:39:28,005
When I first went there, I'm like, I

3037
01:39:28,005 --> 01:39:29,684
love the beach. I'm Australian. I'll work this

3038
01:39:29,684 --> 01:39:30,904
out. And I was like,

3039
01:39:31,284 --> 01:39:33,045
oh, this is this is this is where

3040
01:39:33,045 --> 01:39:35,764
I finally got Grand Theft Auto. There's only

3041
01:39:35,764 --> 01:39:36,425
2 types.

3042
01:39:36,909 --> 01:39:38,670
There's 2 types of people. There's people, Grand

3043
01:39:38,670 --> 01:39:40,670
Theft Auto shit. I'm like, oh my god.

3044
01:39:40,670 --> 01:39:43,390
That wasn't actually a Farfetch'd imagination in the

3045
01:39:43,390 --> 01:39:46,909
game. There's like the person screaming in the

3046
01:39:46,909 --> 01:39:49,090
street maybe with a knife or a bat,

3047
01:39:49,735 --> 01:39:52,295
and then there's a sweater wearing State Farm

3048
01:39:52,295 --> 01:39:55,114
commercial looking dude. Yeah. It's it's a welding

3049
01:39:55,335 --> 01:39:57,655
area. That is for sure. It's like you're

3050
01:39:57,655 --> 01:39:59,655
one of the 2 categories. You look super

3051
01:39:59,655 --> 01:40:02,055
ordinary because you're not screaming in the street,

3052
01:40:02,055 --> 01:40:04,375
you're wearing a sweater, or you're screaming in

3053
01:40:04,375 --> 01:40:06,429
the street. So I got my I got

3054
01:40:06,429 --> 01:40:07,329
my still of

3055
01:40:08,349 --> 01:40:10,609
Santa Monica is a little more chill.

3056
01:40:11,149 --> 01:40:12,929
Yeah. Yeah. You got you guys are definitely

3057
01:40:12,989 --> 01:40:15,489
definitely chill. Thanks for that. Yeah. Thanks relativity

3058
01:40:15,630 --> 01:40:17,969
down there. It's it's getting a bit more.

3059
01:40:18,525 --> 01:40:20,465
Be well and safe travels,

3060
01:40:20,845 --> 01:40:23,164
and thank you. Thank you so much. And

3061
01:40:23,164 --> 01:40:25,805
thank you for listening, everybody. Thanks, Susan. Tell

3062
01:40:25,805 --> 01:40:27,805
the story. I look forward to the book.

3063
01:40:27,805 --> 01:40:29,725
I, Yeah. Get this. I figured I'm just

3064
01:40:29,725 --> 01:40:31,405
gonna keep doing cool shit until I'm too

3065
01:40:31,405 --> 01:40:32,845
old to move my body and then write

3066
01:40:32,845 --> 01:40:34,064
stuff. Amen.

3067
01:40:34,420 --> 01:40:36,420
I think that works. That's what Ian Fleming

3068
01:40:36,420 --> 01:40:36,920
did.

3069
01:40:37,939 --> 01:40:41,380
Yeah. Right? Hell, yeah, man. Yeah. Thanks, mate.

3070
01:40:41,380 --> 01:40:43,159
Alright. Have a good day. Bye.

3071
01:40:47,775 --> 01:40:50,595
Great. Review and subscribe to Hey Human podcast

3072
01:40:50,655 --> 01:40:53,454
on iTunes, Spotify, Iheart, wherever you get your

3073
01:40:53,454 --> 01:40:55,315
podcasts. Thanks. Bye.