Hello, and welcome to enlighten paths, your community
for the spiritually awakened.
Where we discuss Explore and connect with Fellow
m apps, healer, intuitive and seekers.
Hello hello Em.
We hope your week is off to a
fantastic start. You know, in last week's episode,
we talked about how to embrace success without
feeling guilty, which I think was a really
important topic, and Denise and I have gotten
some great feedback from that episode
Today, we're going to take it to the
next level and discuss how feeling worthy is
the foundation for not only success,
but also for being able to live the
life, we truly came here to experience.
So I know most of this research is
coming from Denise because you just finished reading
New York Times best seller,
Jamie Ke at Lima. So book worthy, how
to believe you are enough and transform your
life.
Jamie's backstory is pretty amazing. She's the 1
who started it cosmetics.
She was working as a waitress at Denny's
and just had this idea to create this
makeup that would cover her Rosa. And even
though everyone told her no,
She just believed in herself and pushed through,
and what does she sell it for 1200000000.0
dollars I think I read? Yeah. And and
just the difference she mean in so many
people's lives
by
marking that pro product, not getting up, really
wanting to help other... Women, in particular at
that time,
feel better about themselves and not to hide
and not to hide their true self, And
that's the premise of our book is to
how to really stop hiding and step into
who you are, who you came here to
be and realize you're enough just the way
that you are. And It's it's a really
powerful book. Yeah. It really is. And I
I think
1 of the things I took away from
it is when she talks about the difference
between self confidence and self worth.
Yes.
That was like a big takeaway, and we're
gonna dive into that a little bit later
on But do you wanna start off with
what of... Your favorite takeaways?
What I love is her writing style, it
she reads a lot of stories in her
personal stories.
Accomplishments,
you know, she makes it very
real and easy to,
relate to, but there's also some very useful
techniques
throughout the book. So it's not just a
a story or a self help work. It's
kind of a blend of both, which is
really incredible.
That 1 of her quotes it really got
me right at the beginning was she said
self doubt un worthiness and fear caused us
to dim our souls light. And start playing
it safe, holding back, hiding, speaking only part
of our truth, living only half of our
life, expressing part of our souls truths, essence,
craving the perception of belonging over authentic connection,
craving validation and significance in a way that's
defined externally
because we start to believe that these things
are the only path to love to belonging
into worthiness.
Then I think that it's really
as I said before, powerful
because
this is a basis for...
Are you living only part of who you
are,
which can lead to feeling a big void
in your life.
Oh, yeah. Exactly.
And it and it can really...
As she said, not only dim your light,
but stop you from
fulfilling your sole purpose,
You know, she says so forth is the
internal deep rooted belief that you are enough
valuable and worthy of love and belonging just
as you are.
And that is so important. And she also
says,
in life, if you don't source the level
of your hopes and dreams,
you stay stuck at the level of your
self worth.
I mean, think about that, if if you
have a low self worth,
you're going to stay stuck at that level.
And and we talk about that a lot,
how you can only
create for yourself what you believe you're worthy
of.
Right. And you've done a lot of work
and a lot of teaching with
manifestation. And 1 of the things that... Ke
brings up in our book a lot is
if you don't become what you want, you
become what you believe you're worthy of.
And I think I was wondering, I'd like
to chat about that for a second is
even if you are doing the manifestation book
and you're setting the... Tensions and your opening
your heart, you're doing all the things. You
have your vision board,
would not being worth feeling your own worthiness
be a potential block
to actually bringing in that abundance and
manifestation.
I think it's the biggest block if not
the only block.
We ultimately, we are c creators. We are
creating our experience every minute with our thoughts
and our beliefs about ourselves and the world
around us.
And the world that we're living and experiencing
is nothing more than an echo
of what's going on inside of us.
That's right. That's why I really wanted to
do that show a couple of weeks back
on micro manifesting
because if you are struggling with self worth.
I think it's important to recognize that I
think there's a lot of shame in these
words and feelings. Right? Like, oh, I'm insecure
or I don't have a lot of self
worth or I need to focus on self
love.
Oftentimes they're shame associated with that. And if
you're not comfortable enough facing
your internal shame, then you're just gonna push
it down and not realize it. But if
you can just recognize,
right now, I'm not feeling super worthy of
all this stuff I'm trying to manifest for
myself and my life.
If you can just start there
and then take your goals and break them
down into bite sized pieces that feel much
more manageable for you and where you are
at the stage in your life, then you're
going to grow on your self worth. And
and I I feel like I've been on
a journey of self worth, my whole life,
and it's very similar to
any type of change we're trying to make
in our life. It doesn't happen overnight. It
does happen in little micro babies. Steps, and
that's okay because every step forward is still
a step forward.
Right. And you made a really good point
is that it's it's not.
1 and done, It it's a lifelong process
for a lot of us, especially those of
us that are highly sensitive that may have
been given messages that don't align with how
we view our true selves,
you know, and
you mentioned earlier, the difference between self worth
and self confidence,
and self worth is the internal d rooted
belief that you're enough, and it's it's intrinsic.
It's how your
see yourself, how you evaluate yourself based on
your qualities, your skills and traits, how you
show up in the world where self confidence
is external,
and it shows it's the outside world. It's
you know, what you can do. It's your
abilities as a person, but it's dependent on
the environment. And the outside influences. So
I think it's important to note that a
lot of people will possess amazing self confidence
in and sense of self and presence,
but they may still struggle with that self
worth peace.
Yeah. And I thought that was
really a crucial point that she made many
times in her book
because I never really looked at it as
a difference
but it it truly truly is.
Because she mentions that self confidence is how
you evaluate and assess your yourself and your
qualities,
but it's temporary
and it's based on recent accomplishments like getting
the job or the promotion or the hot
date, but self worth is lasting an eternal.
It's not based on how the world celebrates
you or your accomplishments.
And she says achievements build self confidence,
But it's really that internal love that builds
self worth.
Right. And self worth is the foundational part
that will stay consistent. So you can continue
to work on your self worth and build
it, and it's going to build a stronger
platform
for having more self confidence to achieve more
in your life. But it's really feels like
horse before the cart
chicken before the egg that you need,
the or egg before the chicken you need
the self worth to really embrace the self
confidence.
Yeah. But she says that you can have
self confidence and not have self worth, and
she talked about how building that business and
selling it to, I I think it was
Est Lau for all that money, built herself
confidence, but she realized
she still didn't have self worth. And I
watched an and, she did a really great
interview with Oprah Wood winfrey. And 1 of
the... 1 of the things that made her
realize she needed to work on self worth,
she had always had this dream and this
goal of meeting oprah winfrey.
And she becomes wealthy and successful and entertain
all these wonderful accolades, and she meets oprah
winfrey. And I I think they're next door
her neighbors now. And Oprah gives her her
cell phone and is like, hey, Give a
call anytime. And she said that Oprah number
sat in her phone for 4 years.
Because even though she had all this confidence
of what she'd achieved in life, she didn't
have the
internal self worth, she didn't feel worthy,
to call Oprah on the phone,
And that's what 1 of the things that
inspired to write this book.
Right. And it reminded me of your story
about being on coast to coast and how
you had told your dad
that I'm gonna be on that show someday.
When when you were up in the middle
of the night with it making peanut butter
sandwiches. And then when it actually happened, it
was
it was pretty surreal.
Yeah. It was. And and that it that
was a self worthy moment to me because
you know, I'm not throwing shade at coast
to coast, but coast to coast is not
getting on oprah winfrey. Right?
But to me it was, And so it
was it was an internal
worthy moment.
It wasn't like, I mean, the average... Person
in my life hasn't even heard of coast
to coast. Right? Like, my meta physical Woo
friends are, like, dang girl, You got on
coast to coast. But, like, my my sister,
my neighbors were, like, What what's the show?
So it was an internal self worth thing.
And And I just think that's important that
we have to
We have to measure ourselves not by other
people's standards or
expectations,
but by our own
standards and expectations of ourselves.
We have to be our own cheerleader leaders.
Right.
And what I loved in her work is
that she talks about how much of our
self worth is based on prior rejections that
we've experienced in our lives.
And those can be the lot... We'll talk
about the lies that we tell ourselves a
little bit further out. But, you know, this
this is really, really important if you're the
1 breaking the cyclical patterns in your family
of origin or you're the 1 who is
becoming more aware and open to different modalities
or you're taking back your power after and
around
rejection and and potential failure
because you're you're shift that you're you're changing
the rules,
and that is big, big work, but it's
also gonna greatly impact self worth.
Yeah. It really is. And she emphasizes that
that our perceived flaws are actually our superpower.
So for example, she talks about how her
skin condition led her to create it cosmetics
But she says this this fear of rejection
is a killer of dreams.
And when we imagine getting rejected,
what we're really saying to ourselves is yes.
That's proof that I'm not worthy or enough.
Don't you find that with
comparison
mentality that so much of the world is
in right now.
This is even more important. To feel better
about ourselves to feel stronger with the uniqueness
that we're bringing on the planet
because there's... It's it's being blasted constantly
act like everyone else, be like everyone else
don't shine your light too brightly.
And now with the, you know, the whole
comparison with well, I'm I'm a creative, but
Ai can do it faster and cheaper so
why bother.
So I think this is a really crucial
time to be looking at this as as
people.
Yeah. I do too. I do too. And
and to
ignore
all that noise because really, everything you just
said is noise that that's coming at us.
And it's our job as we're building self
love and self worth to mute that noise.
Even if we do it for an hour
a day, but we... We've got just tune
that out as much as we can.
Well, you've made a good point as well
with the, you know, be your own cheerleader
And if you're in a place in your
life, it's not about age or demographic or
where you are on the planet, and no
1 has ever really
supported you or senior for who you are
or encourage you to follow your dreams. I
think that makes it even more important to
turn within and so, you know what? I
I need to do this for myself. I
can't keep letting other people define
how I'm gonna live this life that I've
been gifted.
Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. No. I have a question
for you.
Do you think that self worth can be
compartment?
Like, for example that you know you're intelligent.
And
you get a lot of accolades for being
intelligent. Maybe you have a Phd. Maybe you're
men's maybe you wrote a research paper that
got published
deeply believe that you can have self worth
with your intelligence and then not have self
worth
in another compartment of your life such as
don't know your social life or making friends
or
dating or whatever it might be. Do you
think we compartment
self worth or is it a generic general
overall feeling?
Well, that's a really good question. That that
puts me way down the rabbit hole fast.
It was like a big swirly slide down
the rabbit hole
because I'm thinking about the things that we
might not have any doubts about in our
life, intelligence is a good 1.
Because it it is based on self confidence
that you've built from
achieving, from learning, from growing, from doing all
of those things, but it does
break a shake back and give you a
sense of self worth. So can you take
that feeling
and apply it to the aspects of your
life where you don't have the same level
of self confidence or self worth.
I'm not sure.
I know. I just wonder I was thinking
about that a lot
because I'm always prized at some of the
people in my life who are insecure about
certain things, and I'm like, really you are.
Now you always look at people differently than
I think they look at themselves.
Right. I have a friend and she grew
up, you know, she's
she's just a little southern belt. And and
she went in beauty pageant and won this
and was a cheerleader and, you know, all
those beauty beauty beauty accolades.
And when it comes to
a lot of other stuff, like, maybe investing
or
I don't know,
understanding the market or
you know, we had a... We had a
conversation about finances and she was like, oh,
I've I know nothing about that. I just
pay my bills and hope for the best
and keep my fingers crossed.
Mh. But when it comes to anything to
do with fashion style, beauty makeup, she has
all the self worth and confidence. And I
just wondered
is that my mis
of confidence and worth or
do we sometimes
feel self worthy in different areas of our
life?
Okay. So this comes back to the messages
that were given when we're younger
and where there's always a seed planted if
she was encouraged and got accolades and
her beauty became a a true part of
who she is and how she's showing up,
then there would seemingly be intrinsic self worth
that the confidence feels like it would come
after the self worth because she
she it it feels like it just came...
Yes. I'm I'm I do feel this woman
worked very hard for what she achieved, but
there's also
became with a different package than some other
people.
Yeah. Oh, which which brings me to another
great part of her book. Which where she
says, you're not crazy, you're just first?
Yes. Yes.
Would you wanna talk about what she meant
by that? Because I thought that was really
cool. Well, I think that goes back to
if you're the 1 breaking the cycle, the
the patterns or you're the 1 stepping out
of a comfort zone or you're the 1
that is just brave enough to step up
and say, I'm gonna do it my way.
It... That's... Being first is being brave.
Am I'm a big fan of brave.
Me too,
And I like to reframe it that way
because sometimes when you do try to break
those patterns in your family or or just
try to do something different than your other
family members or social group are doing.
They they might not call you crazy because,
I mean,
that's awful.
But they might look at you, ask you
questions,
shed out, you know, all of that stuff.
And and she says that the things that
make us feel quirky or different
are what make us worthy.
You're the first ever only you Don't dim
your light to make others feel comfortable.
She says you can't have an authentic relationship
with anyone else.
Unless you are willing to show up exactly
as who you are.
How many times have you talked to people
where they said, both people really knew who
I was?
Or if they knew what was behind and
they'll show up and they're... They have the
mask and they have the persona and they
have the energy behind it.
And then for those of us that are
highly intuitive when you see behind that mask,
it must be so painful to live that
way.
To to the energy that would go into
presenting a persona that doesn't align with who
you are
must be... Well, I mean, we did it
in a sense of, you know, the psychic
closet.
We we have to be cautious about who
we say this to we were in professional
positions where it wasn't really common knowledge that
we were intuitive as we were, but we
were still living true to who we are.
So when someone is living
untrue to what they're feeling on the inside,
That would just be such a difficult way
to be here.
Yeah. I definitely think it would be and
lonely and isolating
and frustrating.
Because I think if you're not in living
an alignment with you who you authentically are,
you're denying a big part of yourself.
And so you might not even realize
that you're doing that? And then you might
wonder why is life such a struggle. Why
do I always feel on the outside looking
in, and that might be a big part
of it.
Right. And and she does... You know, if
rejection has been a part of it, Or
you've... You've come up to the the starting
line so many times, and you've never completed
something or you've faced rejection or you've been
os size from something that you really wanted.
She gives 4 steps in her book for
the 4 rs on ways to face that
rejection. And the first 1 is to reveal.
And to ask yourself, what is your current
immediate response when you experience rejection or failure?
Do you start
yourself do you start saying, oh, well, what
can I expect? I always. I never finish
what I start, or I never win or,
you know, I'm not enough. I don't have
what it takes, I'm not smart enough funny
enough, etcetera.
And I...
Both you and I have have mentioned this
several times is you have to identify what
it is before you can start making changes
in it. And I think if it's something
that's you've been told or you've experienced or
that you've self fulfilling prophecy over the years
that reveal aspect of really looking yourself in
the mirror
figuratively and saying, why do I talk to
myself this way?
Yeah. And and get to the root of
it, But also,
everything comes down to being honest. And and
so when you reveal,
you know, what is your immediate response to
any rejection you're having. When you really reveal
it. You've gotta do it through
total transparent
honesty.
I can't tell you how many students I've
had throughout the years when I was at
the community college,
and they were so brilliant and smart and
such amazing writers, and
remember this 1 girl and I kept saying
to her? So where are you going to
transfer to? Like, what university are you going
to transfer to? And she said, oh, no
No. No. No. I I can't do that.
Like, no 1 in my family's gone to
college.
And I was like, oh, but there's, like,
I can... You know, I I do some
advising. I can help you out with some
grandson scholarships, and I know this school would
love to have you in this because and
she was like no No. No. No. No.
And I bumped into her at the grocery
store
She was with her mom. A couple of
months later. And I said to her mom.
Oh, my gosh. Do you have any idea
how brilliant, I said, oh, look who I'm
talk. To, of course, you know how brilliant
your daughter is And I just... I really
hope she does apply to those colleges we've
been talking about, and Denise the mom went
off on me.
Oh. She was like, who are you to
put ideas into my daughter's head.
Anyway, the daughter did not apply to colleges,
which is fine. You don't need a 4
year degree. I just this girl was like,
you know how some people are just yearning
for that knowledge and always raising their hand
and they just they just love all that
environment.
Anyway,
I feel that
her fear of rejection wasn't about anything to
do with going to college. It was rejection
of her family. Like, oh, if I step
outside of this box,
that's been given to me by virtue of
my birth,
I'm not... You know, I'm not gonna be
accepted by my family.
Which comes back to me in the first.
Yeah. And and how
how it's it's wonderful and empowering, but it's
also scary.
Yeah.
You know, when you were speaking of this,
and I was thinking about how many times
we we do hold ourselves back? Or... Okay.
I'm gonna jump back to the self confidence
self worth part when you mentioned, can you
have self worth in certain aspects of your
life?
And this statement about what your current immediate
response there are certain aspects in my life
where my response, if I have failure rejection
would be oh hell, no. I'm gonna fight
this. I'm gonna make it work. I'm gonna
get back on the horse where there are
other aspects of my life, we're all retreat
deep in the cave and say, oh, that
wasn't a smart choice to be that vulnerable.
So I I think that there's part of
this is how does it imply to those
different aspects of your life and maybe the
place where you feel the most vulnerable is
where you can start
identifying the true core of your self worth
issues.
Yeah. I do too. And I think sometimes
rejection is... I mean, she says a couple
of times, rejection is god's protection.
Mean, sometimes we have to reveal to ourselves
that we're being rejected by this job or
this person or this opportunity because it's just
not the 1 for us.
And other times, I think we have to
reveal to ourselves that we're being rejected because
we're not we're not fully ready. We need
to do a little bit more work. I
mean, goodness. When I look back on some
of, like, my first manuscript that I submitted
with full hopes and expectations of big yes
from publishers, I
I get so red with embarrassment, Like, what
was I think and thinking that was good
writing. It I needed to be really honest
with myself and say, you know what, you've
got a lot more learning to do. Mh.
I think all of that is a part
of learning self worth. Is
being honest with yourself if you've been given
a bad hand in life with you know,
circumstances you were born in too being honest
with yourself if you're just not ready to
step up and into your light, being honest
with yourself if you're just
you know, really trying to hold yourself back
because maybe,
I think some people kind of enjoy that
woe was me
mentality.
Oh, without a doubt.
Because it it can be pretty comfortable to
stay in the familiarity.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's our next step is redefining. So how
if you are given yourself those negative messages
or,
you know, beating yourself up over choice or
a decision or a missed opportunity,
how do you create a new empowering
definition to use
so that when it comes up again because
it will, If you're gonna live the life
shit's gonna happen.
And there won't be rejection, There will be
failure,
but how do you get
what can you tell yourself? Because this isn't...
This is all yours. This is not... And
I think that's the the really kind of
fun part about it. This isn't based on
your children, your spouse, where you work, who
your parents are, self worth is all yours.
And you have to remind yourself that you're
even brave enough to try.
I think that is so important. You know,
I had a client
and she was really good friends with someone.
I'm not gonna use any qualifying
examples other than to say that her friend
became very, very famous.
And they were both trying
to, you know, win and get these rules
and her her friend got at first. And
I I remember thinking wouldn't that be hard?
And he's
I've always thought about that. Like, like, what
is Jennifer Lopez sister think? You know, like,
it would be so hard.
To like what? But And and I kept
reminding her,
you're showing up for these audition. Like, I
couldn't do that. Just showing up for that.
I did that scary brave stuff. Like, just
keep showing up your time will come.
And let me tell you, it came. And
and she was ready, and now she's sharing
all the accolades, but it was years of
her looking at people,
you know, getting to that,
you know, imaginary finish line whatever of whatever
we deemed success in our certain field.
It was years of her watching that happened
to other people, and and she had to
keep reminding herself. I'm showing up because this
is important to me.
And I think that's part of redefining it
is exactly what you said. You were brave
enough to try it in the first place.
Truly, what's the point in being in here
if you're just gonna stay stuck?
It... There's there's no growth in that. There's
no living in that.
And I'm not saying go do something impulsive
and and say, oh, why did I make
that choice. But when you get to the
point where you can revisit and reframe the
past,
experiences
so that you can look at the rejections
and failures that still feel significant in your
life, it might be
you're you're able to rework that in a
way that will help
prevent you from replaying the loop tape again.
So if you have said, oh, every time
I try to we'll use getting published as
an example because
so many people submit submit submit nobody wants
their work. They can't get an agent, and
they... But they keep trying.
Is there something exactly what you just said
a minute ago of you look back at
that work? And you believed in it at
the time, but in retrospect,
it needed a little more polishing,
but it was a catalyst to get you
to keep trying.
Right. Which is why reject is sometimes
protection. And so we have to remember that.
And I think that's part of
revealing it, redefining it. And then revisit and
ref framing it where, you know, you... You're
looking at those past experiences
and and trying to tell yourself a different
story because the story we tell ourselves about
our life
is the story that we're going to live.
That's it.
We can convince ourselves of anything.
Yeah.
I made my sister laugh so hard yesterday
because
when
you know, as I've mentioned on the show
times, I've been through some really, really yucky
experiences in my life, and I remember when
when my former husband was in the hospital
fighting for his life, and it was so
dramatic and overwhelming and trauma and
all this stuff kept happening and, you know,
every day I would walk into the hospital
and, you know, the doctor would tell me
he's not gonna survive the day. And I
remember saying to my sister. I feel like
I'm starring in my very own lifetime movie,
and this is not good. You know? And
so it would just became like a running
joke.
And so this year, I've had a lot
of good luck and good things happen to
my life, and I said to her. I
went from starring in a lifetime movie to
a hallmark movie.
And it reminded me of that dream I
had with my guide,
where we were walking in a blockbuster video
store
for our young listeners. You used to have
to get in your car and drive to
a video store and pick out the movie
you wanted to watch.
And in the stream, we're walking through the
video door, and he said,
you know, he pointed out the drama section,
the horror section, the romance section, all of
that. And he said,
this is your life. Choose
choose what movie you wanna live in.
And and I think we we do that
with with our thoughts.
With our beliefs with our sense of worthiness.
And that's why I think it is important
to follow these 4 hours of transcending
rejection, You know,
reveal you define, revisit and revel.
Right. And
when you were in the thick of it
because I'm sure they're people that are very
much in the thick of it right now
that are listening to this.
This would either be a lifeline or it
would be you can't understand the pain that
my life is in right now and none
of this matters.
So I I think being gentle with ourselves
and realizing that
if you're
in a situation right now that feels like
there's no way out,
be gentle with your self and start small.
It goes back to the micro
manifesting
is find some tiny thing that will give
you a sense of hope and a sense
of worth.
Yes. And just my opinion, I could be
wrong,
But if you know someone who's in 1
of those dramatic dramatic overwhelming seasons of their
life, don't don't give them this book. You
know, like, if someone gave me this book
when I was going through all my ups
and downs. I I would I wouldn't even
marinated in those words, You know, because I
wasn't ready for it, and I wasn't willing
and and able. I didn't have the emotional
space in my head to fully digest all
of that. I had to do small things.
And and I think for every 1 of
us when we're going through hard times, those
small things that lift us up are going
to be different.
For me it was meditation and prayer and
and reading my my little angel books that
helps me so much reading uplifting... Little uplifting
positive stories.
But to read a wholesale help book of,
like, you got this girl? No. I would
not have been in that mood. Do you
know what I mean?
Exactly.
Exactly. Because it it it comes back to
this being AAA
really
unique individual connection with yourself.
And you're the only 1 that knows if
you're ready to do this deep dive because
it's not...
I think it can be
tiny steps. It can be sequential building blocks
it doesn't have to be all at once.
No.
It shouldn't be all at once. That would
be overwhelming.
Right.
Okay. I have a homework assignment to give
everyone. Oh,
okay. So she says in this book...
Let me read from my notes. She says
whatever
emotion you associate with rejection
is how you define
rejection
So I asked a lot of friends this
week. What emotion do you associate with rejection?
And do you know that almost everyone I
asked had a different answer? What were some
of the answers?
Shame was a fairly common answer. Yeah. Guilt
was another 1.
Self loa was another 1,
and fear was another 1.
When people are rejected, 1 person said, I
just feel this overwhelming sense of fear, Like,
I'm gonna be stuck in this loop of
rejection forever.
Oh, another 1 said stupid. I feel stupid
when I'm rejected. Yeah.
And it's funny because I asked a couple
people as well and someone said
humiliation.
And I thought that's a enough... But those
are all very powerful emotions that you just
spread off. Yeah. And the... But they're all
different in in their own way. And so
whatever emotion you personally associate with rejection is
how you are going to define
rejection in your life? There are some commonalities,
and
she just several chapters in this book that
talk about how to un the lies that
we tell ourselves.
And the first 1 is my weight impacts
my worth. And,
I mean, I have
been thin and fit. I've been heavy. I've
been in between. I've been weight has been
an issue. It's a cyclical pattern in my
family of origin.
I don't have the health issues that many
people in my biological family have because of
weight,
but I do know that how many times
have people limited themselves from I can't go
to the beach or I don't wanna go
to that party because I'm too uncomfortable in
my own body or this is the only
way people see me And if I don't
have the latest fashion or the new shoes,
I can't I can't do that to myself.
So this is a huge 1. Huge, huge
huge issue is, are you letting your physical
weight to find how you're existing on the
plan?
Yeah. That's that's a really big 1. And
I think it's important to really wrestle with
that for for a long time because again,
that's not an overnight 1.
That's 1 where you have to really focus
on gratitude.
I know after
you know, after I would give birth and,
you know, you during in the shower looking
at your body going, wow, that's different.
And I remember just trying really hard
saying, thank you to every part of my
body.
You know, thank you for growing a child.
Thank you for helping me the and I
would think my legs were walking, and I
I put my hand over my heart, and
I think it for pumping, and
I would do that every morning when I
was in the shower, and it it I
definitely was faking it till I make it.
I gotta be honest, you know,
but I did it. And I I think
it helped a lot.
This is where the self worth and the
self confidence can go hand in hand
because if you're improving yourself
sense of self to your self worth
through feeling better about your physical body,
then it's going to give you the confidence
to put yourself into situations that you might
not normally put yourself into.
Yeah.
But maybe it's not even... I think what
I'm trying to say is it's not even
about feeling better about your body, it's feeling
grateful for your body. Mh. I know.
Because
I think we're so mean to ourselves.
Anyone who has had any
serious health issues,
and you speak to them after they're on
the other side of it. That's always their
number 1 thing. I'm healthy.
That's what matters. Nothing else matters in my
life. My body is
is you is better. I'm stronger. I feel
it becomes
number 1 on the list.
Yeah.
Okay. Number 2 on hers is I should
only be seen when I'm happy.
I think I have a friend like that.
I do. Because what... We have a friend
in our little friend group who gets a
lot of headaches, and I'm always like, do
you have a headache again? Or are you
just not feeling up to
you know, coming out to lunch.
Mh. Do you know what I mean? Like,
you know, and I have another friend who
insists on which I think is smart and
I've now adopted this, but she insists on
driving herself to any social events so she
can leave she wants to leave.
Isn't that normal?
I die.
But that feeling that we always have to
be up and positive and buoyant and all
of... You know, we did a show in
toxic positivity. I mean, that's not a good
thing.
No.
But but if you're getting celebrated in life
for being
the social butterfly, the ex, the funny 1
I think this would be definitely a lie
that would impact a lot of people.
But it comes back to, and I'm not
just bash in social media every show, but
if you see everyone posting these little tiny
snippets of how perfect their life is or
their
and you don't see all the behind the
scenes reality of what their life is
that can really
instill that sense of oh, I have to
present as my life is as golden as
everyone else's.
Right. Right. Which goes back to comparison.
Joy.
The third lie is, I don't deserve better.
Oh, that's that's a heavy 1.
Well, there's a quote at the beginning of
that chapter by Steve Fur, and it says,
are you not letting new people love you
because of how old people have hurt you?
And I thought, oh, holy shit. That's deep.
That is deep.
But it's true. Do we limit ourselves or
how we feel about ourselves
based on how people have treated us. And
for those who have been with in hostile
environments
or with a controlling nurse cystic partner or
have dealt with been, in a c dependent
situation where someone had severe addiction issues.
I think that that can really
be AAA
part of it, a big part of it
Yeah. And and sometimes we just don't even
understand or recognize
that we have that internal lie voicing itself
in our head.
Right.
Because you have to stay within your own
comfort zone. And if
You know, I've used this line with a
lot of people over the years is to
be in a healthy relationship, you have to
feel safe enough to be vulnerable.
And if someone has had to be strong
and resilient and take care of themselves,
that is a high mountain climb.
And to find someone that will
appreciate that and honor that and give someone
the space that they need
to
take the baby steps towards trust.
I think that that goes hands in hand
with you building a stronger foundation of self
worth is who the people you choose to...
Who you surround yourself with.
Yeah. That's everything.
Mh. The next 1 is I don't have
anything special to offer.
I had a friend say that to me
just last month, and I wanted to
just shake her silly.
I did. I really did. She was, like,
I don't really understand. I don't know what
my sole purposes. I don't feel like I
anything special to offer and
She is just 1 of the brightest lights
I know. She makes everyone laugh. She's so
warm and thought. She's just 1 of the
best people I know. And I couldn't believe
that those words came out of her mouth.
I mean, sometimes the like I said before,
the way we see ourselves is so drastically
different from how other people
see our c us, you know? And
and I hope I talked good sentence into
her. But I mean, that's something. I know
like you were saying before with Ai? I
mean, there's so many times where you're, like,
what am I gonna say now? What am
I gonna say that's different?
Or special. You have the whole premise of
all the stories have been told, but they
haven't been told by you.
They haven't they don't have your spin. Your
perspective, Your life experiences,
which comes back to your whole little sole
light is unique to anyone else out of
billions of us on the planet. There's only
1 soul light that matches with you.
And and I think that's pretty damn incredible.
Yeah. 1 thing she says a lot in
that book is you're the first ever only
you.
Yes. I like that. You're the first ever
only you, and you do have something unique.
And I also heard her say I believe
1 of the most prevalent forms of cancel
culture.
Is 1 no 1 talks about and it's
us canceling
ourselves
before we even try.
And which comes back to the fear.
Yeah.
And then the next slide is I need
to please them to love me.
Well, if you were raise of conditional love,
that might really ring true.
Right.
And the people please are Jean and the
you have family dynamics or
relationships or that's a huge huge huge ones.
But I
sometimes think that we we get caught in
that worry loop of what someone else will
think of us or what if I don't
show up, or I don't wanna hurt anyone's
feelings
And if we've had just conditional relationships
that can be very limiting with our self
worth.
And the next 1 is if I stand
out, I'll get kicked out.
Oh, that reminds me of goodwill hunting.
Remember why not, Matt Damon,
Ben A has that conversation with Matt Damon,
and he's, like, you gotta take this. You
gotta go. You gotta off... You know, take
this job offer.
And he says you know, matt Damon basically
says, but you guys are my family, you
know, and I can't
I can't leave this family.
And I just... I love that scene, and
Ben a looks like, no. You gotta go.
But I think that is a common
refrain A lot of people will hear if
I stand out, I'll get kicked out.
It it's a
middle school or high school mentality,
and I'm not being derogatory with that, but
I spoke with someone recently
and they were saying this click at their
work environment
and how they're gang up, and they're the
popular ones in the work environment and they
kind of
it it's high school. It's middle school. It's
that demographic of worker if you're different, we're
not gonna let you in the club. So
I think people will
try to fit in
so that they're not os sized or lonely,
but that's a huge huge
impact on your self worth if you lessen
yourself
to fit someone else's standards of how to
fit in.
Yeah. But to me it's just like the
ugly duckling, you know, those just aren't your
ducks. Those aren't your swan.
I remember when I was a new mom
and I was trying to find, like, my
mom friends,
and I joined this 1 prayer Group's mom's
prayer group, and they were super nice, and
I really enjoyed going, but
you know,
Denise, you and I both love to swear,
and I've been known to say god it
and Jesus Christ, and let me tell you
those ladies were not having it.
And.
And if I talked about all my spiritual
stuff or a bit... Like, I'm trying to
manifest that, they'd be like, well, Let's just
pray about. And I was like, I don't
know... M. And I remember when I joined
the meditation group at my local meta physical
store,
Those women were so different than anyone I'd
ever been friends with and yet I immediately
felt understood and accepted.
So I think sometimes if you stand out
and get kicked out, that's a good thing,
because that that's not your tribe.
Mh.
Right.
I mean, the next 1 is I'm an
impostor, not enough on my own, which I
think goes hand in hand with standing out
is will
it Really capable of of doing this or
being this or seeing myself or...
And I think the impostor 1 go can
link back to
being told,
you know, you're not enough or don't get
a big head or why would you think
you can do it better than someone else
or all of those old messages that might
have come through when we were younger.
Mh.
Totally.
Yeah. Like, the next lie, if I'm me,
I won't be loved.
Right. I think a lot of that starts
in childhood when if if you are raised
in a family that
loves you on conditions. The condition that, you
know, you fulfill this role or this label
or this
expectation then I think that's a lie you've
probably internalized.
K and and B Brown, you know, very
familiar with B Brown, and her her Take
on that as you either walk into your
story and own your truth or you live
outside of your story, hustling for your own
worthiness.
If I'm me, I won't be loved, and
then the labels are permanent was her last
chapter on on on learning the lies we
tell ourselves, and that's believing what you've been
told that you are.
You're a k. You'll never make it. You're
not smart enough.
Your sister is the pretty 1.
Your your brother is the stronger 1. Your
you're
you're not cut out to be a manager
or you're not creative enough to write the
book.
I think all of those things, those labels,
we have to...
And her...
You and I have Joe about this and
and brought it up in many, many episodes
about Louise Hay and the mirror work. And
that's 1 of the ways to start to
work with all of this stuff is to
look yourself in the mirror and start to
make a connection with who you are and
what you want.
And that's painful sometimes.
It's painful awkward and uncomfortable,
but a lot of good things come from
allowing ourselves to feel painful awkward and uncomfortable.
And we gotta push through to really show
up for ourselves.
And and for any really young people listening
anyone in their twenties,
I know if I were listening to this
in my twenties, I'd be like, I don't
know. Labels are kinda accurate for the people
I know. But when you live on this
earth longer than that,
and you look at yourself and the people
in your life and how they've changed over
the years, you start to see... Wow, labels
really aren't permanent. We really do change evolve
and grow.
And I think it's important for young listeners
to just trust that. And and to watch
that and some of the older people they
know.
Right. And
this is
with age comes wisdom or not,
that a lot of people that are profess
to be individuals are following the pack right
now in order to be seen as, but
they're actually just em other people's form of
individuality.
But that's so true. It's because it comes
back to, I I being worthy of being
seen and heard and under stood. So if
you're really struggling with acknowledging who you are
and how you present in the world, which
goes back to that,
again,
if you focus on letting someone else know
that you see them.
So it... It's the Newton's third log of
motion for every reaction of force in nature,
there's an equal or opposite reaction. When you
truly seal see someone else, it can be
a beautiful beautiful catalyst just start to see
yourself.
Haven't you found that when you
say something genuine and true and kind to
someone.
And you see the light come in their
eyes, like, oh my gosh. I've always believed
that about myself, but no one's ever told
me that.
I... That's a beautiful beautiful gift to share
with someone.
Oh, it really is. It's the best.
Some of the strategies she has for un
learning these lies is she says you have
to ask yourself, do I believe that lie?
Right.
That's important. You know, do I believe that
lie. Sometimes we're just telling ourselves these things
over and over? We don't pause to think,
do I even believe this anymore?
And then you have to ask how is
this lies serving me.
Because sometimes these lies are serving us because
sometimes we do want to be held back
because we're afraid.
And so we have to again, it goes
back to being totally authentic transparent and honest.
And she says you're the main character of
your life and of this lie.
You get to decide. Do you want to
un learn this lie?
And then you have to reframe it, and
she says again, Am the first only ever
me and I'm going to live in alignment
with my purpose. When you change the story
of you, the story you tell yourself about
your life, then your whole world changes.
And she says a calling une unexplained inside
of you leaves you feeling anguish and alone.
Just so try.
It is so true and
I'm thinking about different
chapters of our lives,
people and when you when you mentioned, people
that are younger or in their twenties that
are listening to this would have a different
perception than someone in their thirties, their forties,
their fifties or sixties or seventies.
We have a really wide range in our
audience
but there's no
timeline on doing this work. There's no
it's not too late or too early to
start to accept yourself for who you really
are, because that's the only way you're going
to make the impact you really wanna make
in the world.
Yeah. And and to
I think there is
a value in being comfortable in your own
skin in who you are
that
far
surpasses
any accolades we can get from someone else?
Yeah. Because, again,
we're we're... I don't even believe that we're
here to make an impact on the world.
You know?
I mean, I guess we are. I I
feel like we're here to grow our soul
and to use these experiences
that we have in this lifetime. The good,
the bad, the ugly, the beautiful the miraculous
to strengthen and brighten our light. And in
doing so,
that will leave an impact on the world.
But it all starts within us,
and that's why self worth is so crucial.
What are what are the 5 shortcuts to
self worth that she talks about? Well, 2
of them I mentioned, you know, doing the
mirror work and feeling that you're worthy of
being seen heard and understood.
And then she mentions a real starting point
is
loving and appreciate the beauty and the positive
and the things around you. So when you
intentionally make a point to see the good
around you, it becomes a mindset.
This comes, you know, when people are sat
on, oh, I've been watching the news. I've
been watching the horror in the world. I've
been in you
hear them say, there's nothing positive. There's no
hope. There's no
reframe that because you're internal it and it's
going to impact your own mindset about yourself.
And there was a joy study commissioned by
ulta beauty that found
In spite of how common negative self talk
was more than 5000 people,
67
percent said it's part of how they functioned
and that they didn't even notice they're doing
it.
It numbing ourselves out, and I think we
do the same thing with the external stimuli
that we're constantly getting hit. It becomes our
normal.
And we forget that there's hope and peace
in humanity.
And I'm not being all polly about that,
but it really is a thing.
No. No. He really is.
And she goes on to say the... 1
of my favorites, you know, the power impact
of journal.
Of writing and writing yourself through it. Really,
that's a quiet time with yourself
to
get clear on why do I feel this
way? You can write it and burn it.
You can shred it. You can keep it
and revisit it, but I think giving voice
to And for some people that may be
more comfortable,
sharing that with a dear friend or with
a counselor or with a therapist,
but there's something to be said in writing
it down or sharing it what you really
believe
in your heart is around your worthiness issues.
The third was, you know, higher
intentions having higher self worth.
If you focus on the good intentions behind
the things that you do and say,
even little things, at leads sort of stronger
self worth. It's, you know, taking the high
road, doing the right thing
paying attention and acknowledging yourself is the key
and giving yourself credit
for your own good intentions. So... Because that's
gonna lead to more positive self talk.
Which will help override the negative thoughts and
lies that we tend to tell ourselves from
the past or as our default.
So that feeling of
when you may step out of your comfort
zone and take the high road and
you you give yourself a little pat on
the back.
Maybe we all need a few more paths
on the back.
Yeah. It goes back to being your own
cheerleader.
Right.
So I think that these, you know, we
as we mentioned, these are all little stepping
stones towards
improving your yourself worth.
But I can't
emphasize enough, and I know you'll agree with
me on this. Please please be gentle with
yourself. You're undoing
a lifetime
of stories you've told yourself or that you've
been told
and any little step is gonna make a
big difference.
Well, she says your self worth becomes your
ceiling.
Oh, isn't that beautiful? That is beautiful.
You can only achieve and and
create and manifest
to the level of which you believe you're
worthy.
And so it really does believe become your
ceiling.
Okay. This thing popped up on 1 of
my social media pages this morning, Denise and
I would just love your opinion on it
because I think it does have to do
with worthiness, but it... It just made me
think.
It says
buy land and secret, build the house and
secret,
then have the party with the public. Go
on dates and secret, propose in private
then get married in front of a crowd.
Let your enemies only see your reality, never
your vision or you will have vision. In
a chest, you don't talk you just act.
The only time you speak when playing chess
is to say check mate. Life is like
chess, don't broadcast your intentions.
Act in silence, keep achieving your achievements or
your check pain.
And I know something about that felt kinda
negative to me, you know, especially when it
mentions enemies. Like, I don't really look at
my life in terms of friends and enemies.
You know what I mean? But that aligns
beautifully with what we're talking about because if
you've been,
if you've shared your truth, your self worth,
your dreams, your visions and someone has
wanted to hold you back or has put
a negative twist on it or has
reiterated all of those
old lies that we've told ourselves over and
over again.
That is a an enemy stance, and it's
going to keep you stuck where you've been
But if you
if you actually say snake, you know what?
I'm just gonna keep this to myself, and
then I'll share it.
Because you're bolstering your sense of self, your
self worth and your confidence all at the
same time.
I love that.
Do... Okay. Because I did too, and then
I was like, I don't know. There's...
Because I do feel like it's important to
talk and share and be honest about what
you're working on but then I do feel
like there's...
We do live in this invisible world of
energy, You know?
And
we do
swim around in this sea of
of emotions and intentions and thoughts from other
people and our past experiences and past versions
of ourselves that are all working together to
help us manifest our life in in
every single day.
And I remember with the other unpublished manuscripts
I mentioned earlier on in the show. I
mean, yeah, they did need a lot of
work, and I did need to focus on
my writing,
but I remember I talked about all of
those books to
everyone I knew.
And I started writing the awake dream,
I didn't tell
anybody. Like, when I was working on getting
an agent and
you know, writing the first book that got
me the agent, and then I got the
contract for the awake dream. I didn't talk
about it.
Until I had all of it done.
And I find it interesting that that's the
book that made it into the world.
You know, the 1 I didn't share about.
And again, I feel uncomfortable with that because
I I never want to believe that anyone
is
like, holding me back or holding anyone else
back, but I don't know. So it just
it just made me think.
Well, there's there's a realistic part to that
as well though
that,
you know, people will appropriate things that aren't
theirs.
And and that's not being negative, It's being
honest.
Mh. So if you've shared... If you had
shared the whole premise of your book the
awake dream or what was about and then
someone said, oh, that's a great idea. And
I can get it out even faster.
That would have crushed you and it would
have really impacted your ability to put your
second book out.
And not even that. Like, I remember with
1 of my other manuscripts what a writing
friend said
Oh, you're younger. You can't get published first
before me.
Oh my.
Yeah. I'd You know when you know someone
said something and they're like, oh, was that
an outside thought?
And we just kinda looked at each other
and I was, like, oh, okay.
So I don't... I feel like sometimes it's
just that
that internal tug that invisible tug of
of what people
want and expect from us. And so maybe
maybe some of the inner self worthiness that
we're working on or
the the light that we're trying to grow
inside of us
maybe like a see deep in the in
the dark earth. We we do need to
keep it secret while we're doing this this
deep internal work.
Or
or keep it close with people that we
trust and love and who we know will
encourage us
to go after the dream? Yeah. Yeah.
Exactly. It's is a beautiful
piggyback to the guilt without success.
On our next episode, we're going to take
it to the the another level with how
to cultivate self love
to work hand in hand with the self
worth. Can't wait for that show. Thank you
guys so much for listening. Denise them the
name of the book we've been discussing 1
more time? It's by Jamie Ke Lima, and
it's worthy how to believe here enough and
transform your life. Perfect. Thank you guys. Have
a wonderful week and remember as always to
show up, do great work and share your
light.
They care.