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Hello, and welcome to enlighten paths, your community

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for the spiritually awakened.

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Where we discuss Explore and connect with Fellow

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m apps, healer, intuitive and seekers.

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Hello hello Em.

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We hope your week is off to a

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fantastic start. You know, in last week's episode,

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we talked about how to embrace success without

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feeling guilty, which I think was a really

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important topic, and Denise and I have gotten

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some great feedback from that episode

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Today, we're going to take it to the

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next level and discuss how feeling worthy is

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the foundation for not only success,

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but also for being able to live the

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life, we truly came here to experience.

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So I know most of this research is

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coming from Denise because you just finished reading

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New York Times best seller,

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Jamie Ke at Lima. So book worthy, how

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to believe you are enough and transform your

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life.

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Jamie's backstory is pretty amazing. She's the 1

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who started it cosmetics.

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She was working as a waitress at Denny's

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and just had this idea to create this

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makeup that would cover her Rosa. And even

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though everyone told her no,

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She just believed in herself and pushed through,

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and what does she sell it for 1200000000.0

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dollars I think I read? Yeah. And and

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just the difference she mean in so many

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people's lives

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by

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marking that pro product, not getting up, really

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wanting to help other... Women, in particular at

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that time,

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feel better about themselves and not to hide

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and not to hide their true self, And

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that's the premise of our book is to

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how to really stop hiding and step into

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who you are, who you came here to

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be and realize you're enough just the way

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that you are. And It's it's a really

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powerful book. Yeah. It really is. And I

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I think

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1 of the things I took away from

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it is when she talks about the difference

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between self confidence and self worth.

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Yes.

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That was like a big takeaway, and we're

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gonna dive into that a little bit later

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on But do you wanna start off with

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what of... Your favorite takeaways?

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What I love is her writing style, it

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she reads a lot of stories in her

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personal stories.

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Accomplishments,

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you know, she makes it very

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real and easy to,

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relate to, but there's also some very useful

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techniques

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throughout the book. So it's not just a

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a story or a self help work. It's

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kind of a blend of both, which is

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really incredible.

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That 1 of her quotes it really got

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me right at the beginning was she said

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self doubt un worthiness and fear caused us

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to dim our souls light. And start playing

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it safe, holding back, hiding, speaking only part

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of our truth, living only half of our

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life, expressing part of our souls truths, essence,

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craving the perception of belonging over authentic connection,

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craving validation and significance in a way that's

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defined externally

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because we start to believe that these things

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are the only path to love to belonging

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into worthiness.

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Then I think that it's really

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as I said before, powerful

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because

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this is a basis for...

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Are you living only part of who you

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are,

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which can lead to feeling a big void

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in your life.

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Oh, yeah. Exactly.

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And it and it can really...

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As she said, not only dim your light,

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but stop you from

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fulfilling your sole purpose,

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You know, she says so forth is the

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internal deep rooted belief that you are enough

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valuable and worthy of love and belonging just

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as you are.

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And that is so important. And she also

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says,

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in life, if you don't source the level

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of your hopes and dreams,

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you stay stuck at the level of your

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self worth.

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I mean, think about that, if if you

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have a low self worth,

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you're going to stay stuck at that level.

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And and we talk about that a lot,

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how you can only

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create for yourself what you believe you're worthy

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of.

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Right. And you've done a lot of work

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and a lot of teaching with

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manifestation. And 1 of the things that... Ke

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brings up in our book a lot is

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if you don't become what you want, you

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become what you believe you're worthy of.

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And I think I was wondering, I'd like

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to chat about that for a second is

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even if you are doing the manifestation book

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and you're setting the... Tensions and your opening

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your heart, you're doing all the things. You

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have your vision board,

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would not being worth feeling your own worthiness

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be a potential block

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to actually bringing in that abundance and

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manifestation.

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I think it's the biggest block if not

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the only block.

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We ultimately, we are c creators. We are

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creating our experience every minute with our thoughts

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and our beliefs about ourselves and the world

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around us.

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And the world that we're living and experiencing

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is nothing more than an echo

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of what's going on inside of us.

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That's right. That's why I really wanted to

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do that show a couple of weeks back

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on micro manifesting

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because if you are struggling with self worth.

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I think it's important to recognize that I

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think there's a lot of shame in these

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words and feelings. Right? Like, oh, I'm insecure

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or I don't have a lot of self

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worth or I need to focus on self

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love.

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Oftentimes they're shame associated with that. And if

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you're not comfortable enough facing

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your internal shame, then you're just gonna push

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it down and not realize it. But if

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you can just recognize,

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right now, I'm not feeling super worthy of

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all this stuff I'm trying to manifest for

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myself and my life.

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If you can just start there

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and then take your goals and break them

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down into bite sized pieces that feel much

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more manageable for you and where you are

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at the stage in your life, then you're

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going to grow on your self worth. And

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and I I feel like I've been on

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a journey of self worth, my whole life,

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and it's very similar to

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any type of change we're trying to make

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in our life. It doesn't happen overnight. It

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does happen in little micro babies. Steps, and

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that's okay because every step forward is still

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a step forward.

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Right. And you made a really good point

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is that it's it's not.

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1 and done, It it's a lifelong process

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for a lot of us, especially those of

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us that are highly sensitive that may have

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been given messages that don't align with how

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we view our true selves,

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you know, and

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you mentioned earlier, the difference between self worth

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and self confidence,

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and self worth is the internal d rooted

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belief that you're enough, and it's it's intrinsic.

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It's how your

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see yourself, how you evaluate yourself based on

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your qualities, your skills and traits, how you

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show up in the world where self confidence

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is external,

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and it shows it's the outside world. It's

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you know, what you can do. It's your

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abilities as a person, but it's dependent on

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the environment. And the outside influences. So

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I think it's important to note that a

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lot of people will possess amazing self confidence

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in and sense of self and presence,

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but they may still struggle with that self

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worth peace.

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Yeah. And I thought that was

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really a crucial point that she made many

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times in her book

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because I never really looked at it as

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a difference

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but it it truly truly is.

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Because she mentions that self confidence is how

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you evaluate and assess your yourself and your

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qualities,

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but it's temporary

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and it's based on recent accomplishments like getting

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the job or the promotion or the hot

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date, but self worth is lasting an eternal.

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It's not based on how the world celebrates

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you or your accomplishments.

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And she says achievements build self confidence,

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But it's really that internal love that builds

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self worth.

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Right. And self worth is the foundational part

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that will stay consistent. So you can continue

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to work on your self worth and build

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it, and it's going to build a stronger

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platform

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for having more self confidence to achieve more

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in your life. But it's really feels like

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horse before the cart

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chicken before the egg that you need,

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the or egg before the chicken you need

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the self worth to really embrace the self

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confidence.

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Yeah. But she says that you can have

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self confidence and not have self worth, and

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she talked about how building that business and

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selling it to, I I think it was

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Est Lau for all that money, built herself

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confidence, but she realized

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she still didn't have self worth. And I

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watched an and, she did a really great

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interview with Oprah Wood winfrey. And 1 of

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the... 1 of the things that made her

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realize she needed to work on self worth,

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she had always had this dream and this

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goal of meeting oprah winfrey.

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And she becomes wealthy and successful and entertain

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all these wonderful accolades, and she meets oprah

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winfrey. And I I think they're next door

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her neighbors now. And Oprah gives her her

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cell phone and is like, hey, Give a

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call anytime. And she said that Oprah number

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sat in her phone for 4 years.

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Because even though she had all this confidence

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of what she'd achieved in life, she didn't

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have the

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internal self worth, she didn't feel worthy,

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to call Oprah on the phone,

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And that's what 1 of the things that

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inspired to write this book.

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Right. And it reminded me of your story

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about being on coast to coast and how

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you had told your dad

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that I'm gonna be on that show someday.

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When when you were up in the middle

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of the night with it making peanut butter

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sandwiches. And then when it actually happened, it

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was

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it was pretty surreal.

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Yeah. It was. And and that it that

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was a self worthy moment to me because

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you know, I'm not throwing shade at coast

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to coast, but coast to coast is not

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getting on oprah winfrey. Right?

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But to me it was, And so it

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was it was an internal

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worthy moment.

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It wasn't like, I mean, the average... Person

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in my life hasn't even heard of coast

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to coast. Right? Like, my meta physical Woo

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friends are, like, dang girl, You got on

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coast to coast. But, like, my my sister,

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my neighbors were, like, What what's the show?

273
00:10:15,962 --> 00:10:18,759
So it was an internal self worth thing.

274
00:10:19,238 --> 00:10:21,076
And And I just think that's important that

275
00:10:21,076 --> 00:10:21,975
we have to

276
00:10:22,527 --> 00:10:24,997
We have to measure ourselves not by other

277
00:10:24,997 --> 00:10:26,374
people's standards or

278
00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:27,069
expectations,

279
00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:29,242
but by our own

280
00:10:29,634 --> 00:10:32,107
standards and expectations of ourselves.

281
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,421
We have to be our own cheerleader leaders.

282
00:10:35,378 --> 00:10:35,618
Right.

283
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:39,225
And what I loved in her work is

284
00:10:39,225 --> 00:10:41,699
that she talks about how much of our

285
00:10:41,699 --> 00:10:44,973
self worth is based on prior rejections that

286
00:10:44,973 --> 00:10:46,330
we've experienced in our lives.

287
00:10:47,303 --> 00:10:49,540
And those can be the lot... We'll talk

288
00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:51,058
about the lies that we tell ourselves a

289
00:10:51,058 --> 00:10:53,555
little bit further out. But, you know, this

290
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,734
this is really, really important if you're the

291
00:10:56,734 --> 00:10:58,883
1 breaking the cyclical patterns in your family

292
00:10:58,883 --> 00:11:01,532
of origin or you're the 1 who is

293
00:11:02,085 --> 00:11:05,304
becoming more aware and open to different modalities

294
00:11:05,605 --> 00:11:09,045
or you're taking back your power after and

295
00:11:09,045 --> 00:11:09,259
around

296
00:11:09,858 --> 00:11:11,714
rejection and and potential failure

297
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,565
because you're you're shift that you're you're changing

298
00:11:14,565 --> 00:11:15,044
the rules,

299
00:11:15,602 --> 00:11:18,005
and that is big, big work, but it's

300
00:11:18,005 --> 00:11:20,229
also gonna greatly impact self worth.

301
00:11:21,817 --> 00:11:24,970
Yeah. It really is. And she emphasizes that

302
00:11:25,089 --> 00:11:28,601
that our perceived flaws are actually our superpower.

303
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,156
So for example, she talks about how her

304
00:11:31,156 --> 00:11:33,652
skin condition led her to create it cosmetics

305
00:11:34,442 --> 00:11:37,140
But she says this this fear of rejection

306
00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:38,728
is a killer of dreams.

307
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:41,347
And when we imagine getting rejected,

308
00:11:41,759 --> 00:11:44,074
what we're really saying to ourselves is yes.

309
00:11:44,233 --> 00:11:46,787
That's proof that I'm not worthy or enough.

310
00:11:48,303 --> 00:11:49,794
Don't you find that with

311
00:11:50,630 --> 00:11:51,130
comparison

312
00:11:51,743 --> 00:11:53,573
mentality that so much of the world is

313
00:11:53,573 --> 00:11:54,209
in right now.

314
00:11:54,925 --> 00:11:57,727
This is even more important. To feel better

315
00:11:57,727 --> 00:11:59,959
about ourselves to feel stronger with the uniqueness

316
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,496
that we're bringing on the planet

317
00:12:02,192 --> 00:12:05,642
because there's... It's it's being blasted constantly

318
00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:08,825
act like everyone else, be like everyone else

319
00:12:08,825 --> 00:12:10,420
don't shine your light too brightly.

320
00:12:11,057 --> 00:12:13,949
And now with the, you know, the whole

321
00:12:14,087 --> 00:12:16,734
comparison with well, I'm I'm a creative, but

322
00:12:16,814 --> 00:12:18,808
Ai can do it faster and cheaper so

323
00:12:18,808 --> 00:12:19,446
why bother.

324
00:12:20,243 --> 00:12:22,158
So I think this is a really crucial

325
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,231
time to be looking at this as as

326
00:12:24,231 --> 00:12:24,550
people.

327
00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:28,304
Yeah. I do too. I do too. And

328
00:12:28,304 --> 00:12:29,042
and to

329
00:12:29,576 --> 00:12:30,076
ignore

330
00:12:30,451 --> 00:12:32,757
all that noise because really, everything you just

331
00:12:32,757 --> 00:12:34,586
said is noise that that's coming at us.

332
00:12:35,395 --> 00:12:37,461
And it's our job as we're building self

333
00:12:37,461 --> 00:12:39,924
love and self worth to mute that noise.

334
00:12:40,957 --> 00:12:42,229
Even if we do it for an hour

335
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,913
a day, but we... We've got just tune

336
00:12:43,913 --> 00:12:45,350
that out as much as we can.

337
00:12:46,387 --> 00:12:48,301
Well, you've made a good point as well

338
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,477
with the, you know, be your own cheerleader

339
00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:53,580
And if you're in a place in your

340
00:12:53,580 --> 00:12:56,371
life, it's not about age or demographic or

341
00:12:56,371 --> 00:12:58,205
where you are on the planet, and no

342
00:12:58,205 --> 00:12:59,582
1 has ever really

343
00:13:00,134 --> 00:13:02,368
supported you or senior for who you are

344
00:13:02,368 --> 00:13:04,841
or encourage you to follow your dreams. I

345
00:13:04,841 --> 00:13:07,416
think that makes it even more important to

346
00:13:08,127 --> 00:13:09,882
turn within and so, you know what? I

347
00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:11,876
I need to do this for myself. I

348
00:13:11,876 --> 00:13:14,210
can't keep letting other people define

349
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,262
how I'm gonna live this life that I've

350
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:16,740
been gifted.

351
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:20,646
Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. No. I have a question

352
00:13:20,646 --> 00:13:20,964
for you.

353
00:13:21,996 --> 00:13:23,822
Do you think that self worth can be

354
00:13:23,822 --> 00:13:24,322
compartment?

355
00:13:25,585 --> 00:13:28,369
Like, for example that you know you're intelligent.

356
00:13:29,244 --> 00:13:29,744
And

357
00:13:30,596 --> 00:13:32,361
you get a lot of accolades for being

358
00:13:32,361 --> 00:13:34,668
intelligent. Maybe you have a Phd. Maybe you're

359
00:13:34,668 --> 00:13:37,293
men's maybe you wrote a research paper that

360
00:13:37,293 --> 00:13:38,032
got published

361
00:13:39,059 --> 00:13:40,577
deeply believe that you can have self worth

362
00:13:40,577 --> 00:13:43,214
with your intelligence and then not have self

363
00:13:43,214 --> 00:13:43,714
worth

364
00:13:44,093 --> 00:13:46,784
in another compartment of your life such as

365
00:13:46,983 --> 00:13:49,154
don't know your social life or making friends

366
00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:49,790
or

367
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,472
dating or whatever it might be. Do you

368
00:13:52,472 --> 00:13:53,529
think we compartment

369
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,500
self worth or is it a generic general

370
00:13:56,799 --> 00:13:57,360
overall feeling?

371
00:13:58,159 --> 00:14:00,399
Well, that's a really good question. That that

372
00:14:00,399 --> 00:14:02,159
puts me way down the rabbit hole fast.

373
00:14:02,494 --> 00:14:04,322
It was like a big swirly slide down

374
00:14:04,322 --> 00:14:05,220
the rabbit hole

375
00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:07,740
because I'm thinking about the things that we

376
00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:09,966
might not have any doubts about in our

377
00:14:09,966 --> 00:14:11,556
life, intelligence is a good 1.

378
00:14:12,449 --> 00:14:14,850
Because it it is based on self confidence

379
00:14:14,850 --> 00:14:16,069
that you've built from

380
00:14:16,529 --> 00:14:19,329
achieving, from learning, from growing, from doing all

381
00:14:19,329 --> 00:14:21,144
of those things, but it does

382
00:14:21,901 --> 00:14:23,333
break a shake back and give you a

383
00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:25,084
sense of self worth. So can you take

384
00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:25,903
that feeling

385
00:14:26,278 --> 00:14:28,109
and apply it to the aspects of your

386
00:14:28,109 --> 00:14:29,701
life where you don't have the same level

387
00:14:29,701 --> 00:14:31,389
of self confidence or self worth.

388
00:14:32,348 --> 00:14:33,147
I'm not sure.

389
00:14:33,865 --> 00:14:35,863
I know. I just wonder I was thinking

390
00:14:35,863 --> 00:14:37,002
about that a lot

391
00:14:37,381 --> 00:14:39,394
because I'm always prized at some of the

392
00:14:39,394 --> 00:14:42,034
people in my life who are insecure about

393
00:14:42,034 --> 00:14:43,875
certain things, and I'm like, really you are.

394
00:14:44,195 --> 00:14:45,954
Now you always look at people differently than

395
00:14:46,115 --> 00:14:47,802
I think they look at themselves.

396
00:14:48,359 --> 00:14:50,507
Right. I have a friend and she grew

397
00:14:50,507 --> 00:14:51,802
up, you know, she's

398
00:14:52,177 --> 00:14:54,419
she's just a little southern belt. And and

399
00:14:54,419 --> 00:14:56,723
she went in beauty pageant and won this

400
00:14:56,723 --> 00:14:58,710
and was a cheerleader and, you know, all

401
00:14:58,710 --> 00:15:00,537
those beauty beauty beauty accolades.

402
00:15:01,189 --> 00:15:02,566
And when it comes to

403
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:06,714
a lot of other stuff, like, maybe investing

404
00:15:06,932 --> 00:15:07,432
or

405
00:15:07,809 --> 00:15:08,288
I don't know,

406
00:15:09,005 --> 00:15:10,782
understanding the market or

407
00:15:11,332 --> 00:15:12,761
you know, we had a... We had a

408
00:15:12,761 --> 00:15:14,667
conversation about finances and she was like, oh,

409
00:15:14,905 --> 00:15:16,970
I've I know nothing about that. I just

410
00:15:16,970 --> 00:15:18,875
pay my bills and hope for the best

411
00:15:18,875 --> 00:15:19,828
and keep my fingers crossed.

412
00:15:20,558 --> 00:15:23,102
Mh. But when it comes to anything to

413
00:15:23,102 --> 00:15:26,520
do with fashion style, beauty makeup, she has

414
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,905
all the self worth and confidence. And I

415
00:15:28,905 --> 00:15:29,564
just wondered

416
00:15:30,431 --> 00:15:31,885
is that my mis

417
00:15:32,259 --> 00:15:34,191
of confidence and worth or

418
00:15:35,042 --> 00:15:35,940
do we sometimes

419
00:15:36,553 --> 00:15:39,177
feel self worthy in different areas of our

420
00:15:39,177 --> 00:15:39,336
life?

421
00:15:40,386 --> 00:15:42,537
Okay. So this comes back to the messages

422
00:15:42,537 --> 00:15:44,630
that were given when we're younger

423
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:47,636
and where there's always a seed planted if

424
00:15:47,636 --> 00:15:50,619
she was encouraged and got accolades and

425
00:15:51,073 --> 00:15:53,457
her beauty became a a true part of

426
00:15:53,457 --> 00:15:55,286
who she is and how she's showing up,

427
00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:59,867
then there would seemingly be intrinsic self worth

428
00:16:00,885 --> 00:16:03,123
that the confidence feels like it would come

429
00:16:03,123 --> 00:16:05,061
after the self worth because she

430
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,932
she it it feels like it just came...

431
00:16:08,332 --> 00:16:10,329
Yes. I'm I'm I do feel this woman

432
00:16:10,329 --> 00:16:12,886
worked very hard for what she achieved, but

433
00:16:12,886 --> 00:16:13,705
there's also

434
00:16:14,018 --> 00:16:16,159
became with a different package than some other

435
00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:16,477
people.

436
00:16:17,904 --> 00:16:20,522
Yeah. Oh, which which brings me to another

437
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,001
great part of her book. Which where she

438
00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:25,474
says, you're not crazy, you're just first?

439
00:16:26,272 --> 00:16:27,308
Yes. Yes.

440
00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:30,100
Would you wanna talk about what she meant

441
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,616
by that? Because I thought that was really

442
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,386
cool. Well, I think that goes back to

443
00:16:33,386 --> 00:16:35,302
if you're the 1 breaking the cycle, the

444
00:16:35,302 --> 00:16:37,057
the patterns or you're the 1 stepping out

445
00:16:37,057 --> 00:16:39,053
of a comfort zone or you're the 1

446
00:16:39,053 --> 00:16:41,061
that is just brave enough to step up

447
00:16:41,061 --> 00:16:42,653
and say, I'm gonna do it my way.

448
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,757
It... That's... Being first is being brave.

449
00:16:46,553 --> 00:16:48,145
Am I'm a big fan of brave.

450
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:49,896
Me too,

451
00:16:50,470 --> 00:16:52,470
And I like to reframe it that way

452
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,389
because sometimes when you do try to break

453
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:57,190
those patterns in your family or or just

454
00:16:57,190 --> 00:17:00,160
try to do something different than your other

455
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,147
family members or social group are doing.

456
00:17:02,862 --> 00:17:04,929
They they might not call you crazy because,

457
00:17:05,167 --> 00:17:05,485
I mean,

458
00:17:06,121 --> 00:17:06,916
that's awful.

459
00:17:07,328 --> 00:17:09,075
But they might look at you, ask you

460
00:17:09,075 --> 00:17:09,575
questions,

461
00:17:10,742 --> 00:17:12,648
shed out, you know, all of that stuff.

462
00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:15,841
And and she says that the things that

463
00:17:15,841 --> 00:17:17,614
make us feel quirky or different

464
00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:19,580
are what make us worthy.

465
00:17:20,057 --> 00:17:23,096
You're the first ever only you Don't dim

466
00:17:23,096 --> 00:17:25,028
your light to make others feel comfortable.

467
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:27,868
She says you can't have an authentic relationship

468
00:17:27,868 --> 00:17:28,982
with anyone else.

469
00:17:30,033 --> 00:17:32,766
Unless you are willing to show up exactly

470
00:17:32,904 --> 00:17:34,021
as who you are.

471
00:17:34,898 --> 00:17:36,653
How many times have you talked to people

472
00:17:36,653 --> 00:17:38,487
where they said, both people really knew who

473
00:17:38,647 --> 00:17:39,125
I was?

474
00:17:39,779 --> 00:17:41,617
Or if they knew what was behind and

475
00:17:41,617 --> 00:17:43,774
they'll show up and they're... They have the

476
00:17:43,774 --> 00:17:45,772
mask and they have the persona and they

477
00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:47,210
have the energy behind it.

478
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,775
And then for those of us that are

479
00:17:49,775 --> 00:17:52,244
highly intuitive when you see behind that mask,

480
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:56,386
it must be so painful to live that

481
00:17:56,386 --> 00:17:56,546
way.

482
00:17:57,439 --> 00:18:00,176
To to the energy that would go into

483
00:18:00,555 --> 00:18:02,952
presenting a persona that doesn't align with who

484
00:18:02,952 --> 00:18:03,692
you are

485
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,402
must be... Well, I mean, we did it

486
00:18:06,402 --> 00:18:09,035
in a sense of, you know, the psychic

487
00:18:09,035 --> 00:18:09,434
closet.

488
00:18:09,913 --> 00:18:12,546
We we have to be cautious about who

489
00:18:12,546 --> 00:18:14,973
we say this to we were in professional

490
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:18,212
positions where it wasn't really common knowledge that

491
00:18:18,212 --> 00:18:20,519
we were intuitive as we were, but we

492
00:18:20,519 --> 00:18:22,111
were still living true to who we are.

493
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,501
So when someone is living

494
00:18:25,959 --> 00:18:28,516
untrue to what they're feeling on the inside,

495
00:18:29,886 --> 00:18:32,272
That would just be such a difficult way

496
00:18:32,272 --> 00:18:32,908
to be here.

497
00:18:33,942 --> 00:18:36,089
Yeah. I definitely think it would be and

498
00:18:36,089 --> 00:18:37,225
lonely and isolating

499
00:18:37,679 --> 00:18:38,497
and frustrating.

500
00:18:39,444 --> 00:18:41,601
Because I think if you're not in living

501
00:18:41,601 --> 00:18:44,078
an alignment with you who you authentically are,

502
00:18:44,477 --> 00:18:46,475
you're denying a big part of yourself.

503
00:18:47,446 --> 00:18:49,302
And so you might not even realize

504
00:18:50,077 --> 00:18:51,831
that you're doing that? And then you might

505
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,904
wonder why is life such a struggle. Why

506
00:18:53,904 --> 00:18:56,391
do I always feel on the outside looking

507
00:18:56,391 --> 00:18:57,667
in, and that might be a big part

508
00:18:57,667 --> 00:18:57,986
of it.

509
00:18:59,023 --> 00:19:02,075
Right. And and she does... You know, if

510
00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:03,489
rejection has been a part of it, Or

511
00:19:03,489 --> 00:19:05,976
you've... You've come up to the the starting

512
00:19:05,976 --> 00:19:08,289
line so many times, and you've never completed

513
00:19:08,289 --> 00:19:11,718
something or you've faced rejection or you've been

514
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,111
os size from something that you really wanted.

515
00:19:15,005 --> 00:19:17,565
She gives 4 steps in her book for

516
00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:20,625
the 4 rs on ways to face that

517
00:19:20,684 --> 00:19:22,525
rejection. And the first 1 is to reveal.

518
00:19:23,018 --> 00:19:25,648
And to ask yourself, what is your current

519
00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:28,438
immediate response when you experience rejection or failure?

520
00:19:28,836 --> 00:19:29,655
Do you start

521
00:19:30,271 --> 00:19:32,117
yourself do you start saying, oh, well, what

522
00:19:32,117 --> 00:19:34,507
can I expect? I always. I never finish

523
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,316
what I start, or I never win or,

524
00:19:37,454 --> 00:19:39,206
you know, I'm not enough. I don't have

525
00:19:39,206 --> 00:19:41,299
what it takes, I'm not smart enough funny

526
00:19:41,299 --> 00:19:42,099
enough, etcetera.

527
00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:43,460
And I...

528
00:19:44,339 --> 00:19:46,259
Both you and I have have mentioned this

529
00:19:46,259 --> 00:19:48,315
several times is you have to identify what

530
00:19:48,434 --> 00:19:50,340
it is before you can start making changes

531
00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:52,644
in it. And I think if it's something

532
00:19:52,644 --> 00:19:56,139
that's you've been told or you've experienced or

533
00:19:56,139 --> 00:19:59,271
that you've self fulfilling prophecy over the years

534
00:19:59,721 --> 00:20:03,287
that reveal aspect of really looking yourself in

535
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:03,945
the mirror

536
00:20:04,650 --> 00:20:07,190
figuratively and saying, why do I talk to

537
00:20:07,190 --> 00:20:07,905
myself this way?

538
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,398
Yeah. And and get to the root of

539
00:20:11,398 --> 00:20:12,685
it, But also,

540
00:20:13,401 --> 00:20:15,946
everything comes down to being honest. And and

541
00:20:15,946 --> 00:20:17,321
so when you reveal,

542
00:20:18,094 --> 00:20:21,207
you know, what is your immediate response to

543
00:20:21,207 --> 00:20:23,747
any rejection you're having. When you really reveal

544
00:20:23,747 --> 00:20:25,358
it. You've gotta do it through

545
00:20:25,732 --> 00:20:26,708
total transparent

546
00:20:27,082 --> 00:20:27,582
honesty.

547
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:30,681
I can't tell you how many students I've

548
00:20:30,681 --> 00:20:32,356
had throughout the years when I was at

549
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,393
the community college,

550
00:20:34,031 --> 00:20:36,025
and they were so brilliant and smart and

551
00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:37,721
such amazing writers, and

552
00:20:38,033 --> 00:20:39,625
remember this 1 girl and I kept saying

553
00:20:39,625 --> 00:20:41,616
to her? So where are you going to

554
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,367
transfer to? Like, what university are you going

555
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,119
to transfer to? And she said, oh, no

556
00:20:45,198 --> 00:20:47,365
No. No. No. I I can't do that.

557
00:20:47,605 --> 00:20:49,120
Like, no 1 in my family's gone to

558
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:49,439
college.

559
00:20:50,236 --> 00:20:51,911
And I was like, oh, but there's, like,

560
00:20:52,230 --> 00:20:53,825
I can... You know, I I do some

561
00:20:53,825 --> 00:20:55,261
advising. I can help you out with some

562
00:20:55,261 --> 00:20:58,311
grandson scholarships, and I know this school would

563
00:20:58,311 --> 00:20:59,350
love to have you in this because and

564
00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:00,708
she was like no No. No. No. No.

565
00:21:01,267 --> 00:21:02,945
And I bumped into her at the grocery

566
00:21:02,945 --> 00:21:03,445
store

567
00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:05,671
She was with her mom. A couple of

568
00:21:05,671 --> 00:21:07,504
months later. And I said to her mom.

569
00:21:07,663 --> 00:21:09,257
Oh, my gosh. Do you have any idea

570
00:21:09,257 --> 00:21:11,170
how brilliant, I said, oh, look who I'm

571
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,625
talk. To, of course, you know how brilliant

572
00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:14,785
your daughter is And I just... I really

573
00:21:14,785 --> 00:21:16,305
hope she does apply to those colleges we've

574
00:21:16,305 --> 00:21:18,705
been talking about, and Denise the mom went

575
00:21:18,705 --> 00:21:19,265
off on me.

576
00:21:20,075 --> 00:21:21,665
Oh. She was like, who are you to

577
00:21:21,665 --> 00:21:23,097
put ideas into my daughter's head.

578
00:21:24,687 --> 00:21:26,595
Anyway, the daughter did not apply to colleges,

579
00:21:26,754 --> 00:21:28,026
which is fine. You don't need a 4

580
00:21:28,026 --> 00:21:30,113
year degree. I just this girl was like,

581
00:21:30,273 --> 00:21:32,510
you know how some people are just yearning

582
00:21:32,510 --> 00:21:34,588
for that knowledge and always raising their hand

583
00:21:34,588 --> 00:21:36,606
and they just they just love all that

584
00:21:36,905 --> 00:21:37,305
environment.

585
00:21:38,036 --> 00:21:38,115
Anyway,

586
00:21:39,147 --> 00:21:40,678
I feel that

587
00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,669
her fear of rejection wasn't about anything to

588
00:21:43,669 --> 00:21:45,653
do with going to college. It was rejection

589
00:21:45,653 --> 00:21:47,819
of her family. Like, oh, if I step

590
00:21:47,819 --> 00:21:48,696
outside of this box,

591
00:21:49,335 --> 00:21:51,807
that's been given to me by virtue of

592
00:21:51,807 --> 00:21:52,286
my birth,

593
00:21:53,323 --> 00:21:54,838
I'm not... You know, I'm not gonna be

594
00:21:54,838 --> 00:21:55,795
accepted by my family.

595
00:21:57,086 --> 00:21:58,841
Which comes back to me in the first.

596
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:00,697
Yeah. And and how

597
00:22:01,553 --> 00:22:04,823
how it's it's wonderful and empowering, but it's

598
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:05,780
also scary.

599
00:22:06,674 --> 00:22:06,753
Yeah.

600
00:22:08,830 --> 00:22:10,588
You know, when you were speaking of this,

601
00:22:10,748 --> 00:22:13,005
and I was thinking about how many times

602
00:22:13,558 --> 00:22:16,030
we we do hold ourselves back? Or... Okay.

603
00:22:16,270 --> 00:22:18,503
I'm gonna jump back to the self confidence

604
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:20,497
self worth part when you mentioned, can you

605
00:22:20,497 --> 00:22:22,491
have self worth in certain aspects of your

606
00:22:22,491 --> 00:22:22,730
life?

607
00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:26,417
And this statement about what your current immediate

608
00:22:26,417 --> 00:22:28,594
response there are certain aspects in my life

609
00:22:28,892 --> 00:22:31,606
where my response, if I have failure rejection

610
00:22:31,606 --> 00:22:33,534
would be oh hell, no. I'm gonna fight

611
00:22:33,534 --> 00:22:35,205
this. I'm gonna make it work. I'm gonna

612
00:22:35,205 --> 00:22:37,194
get back on the horse where there are

613
00:22:37,194 --> 00:22:39,422
other aspects of my life, we're all retreat

614
00:22:39,422 --> 00:22:41,013
deep in the cave and say, oh, that

615
00:22:41,013 --> 00:22:42,941
wasn't a smart choice to be that vulnerable.

616
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:45,574
So I I think that there's part of

617
00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:47,329
this is how does it imply to those

618
00:22:47,329 --> 00:22:49,891
different aspects of your life and maybe the

619
00:22:49,891 --> 00:22:51,874
place where you feel the most vulnerable is

620
00:22:51,874 --> 00:22:53,802
where you can start

621
00:22:54,492 --> 00:22:56,633
identifying the true core of your self worth

622
00:22:56,633 --> 00:22:56,792
issues.

623
00:22:58,317 --> 00:23:00,884
Yeah. I do too. And I think sometimes

624
00:23:01,497 --> 00:23:04,040
rejection is... I mean, she says a couple

625
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,107
of times, rejection is god's protection.

626
00:23:06,838 --> 00:23:09,304
Mean, sometimes we have to reveal to ourselves

627
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:12,089
that we're being rejected by this job or

628
00:23:12,089 --> 00:23:14,317
this person or this opportunity because it's just

629
00:23:14,317 --> 00:23:15,351
not the 1 for us.

630
00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:17,671
And other times, I think we have to

631
00:23:17,671 --> 00:23:20,395
reveal to ourselves that we're being rejected because

632
00:23:20,531 --> 00:23:22,915
we're not we're not fully ready. We need

633
00:23:22,915 --> 00:23:24,679
to do a little bit more work. I

634
00:23:24,679 --> 00:23:26,437
mean, goodness. When I look back on some

635
00:23:26,437 --> 00:23:28,995
of, like, my first manuscript that I submitted

636
00:23:28,995 --> 00:23:32,191
with full hopes and expectations of big yes

637
00:23:32,191 --> 00:23:33,650
from publishers, I

638
00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:36,282
I get so red with embarrassment, Like, what

639
00:23:36,282 --> 00:23:38,040
was I think and thinking that was good

640
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,278
writing. It I needed to be really honest

641
00:23:40,278 --> 00:23:41,876
with myself and say, you know what, you've

642
00:23:41,876 --> 00:23:43,964
got a lot more learning to do. Mh.

643
00:23:44,441 --> 00:23:46,426
I think all of that is a part

644
00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:48,435
of learning self worth. Is

645
00:23:48,808 --> 00:23:50,873
being honest with yourself if you've been given

646
00:23:50,873 --> 00:23:53,034
a bad hand in life with you know,

647
00:23:53,194 --> 00:23:55,192
circumstances you were born in too being honest

648
00:23:55,192 --> 00:23:57,029
with yourself if you're just not ready to

649
00:23:57,029 --> 00:23:59,427
step up and into your light, being honest

650
00:23:59,427 --> 00:24:01,045
with yourself if you're just

651
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,180
you know, really trying to hold yourself back

652
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:04,960
because maybe,

653
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:08,880
I think some people kind of enjoy that

654
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:09,779
woe was me

655
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:10,480
mentality.

656
00:24:11,294 --> 00:24:12,252
Oh, without a doubt.

657
00:24:13,131 --> 00:24:15,208
Because it it can be pretty comfortable to

658
00:24:15,208 --> 00:24:16,267
stay in the familiarity.

659
00:24:16,806 --> 00:24:17,525
Yeah. Yeah.

660
00:24:18,338 --> 00:24:20,890
That's our next step is redefining. So how

661
00:24:20,890 --> 00:24:23,224
if you are given yourself those negative messages

662
00:24:23,442 --> 00:24:23,942
or,

663
00:24:24,399 --> 00:24:26,633
you know, beating yourself up over choice or

664
00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:28,881
a decision or a missed opportunity,

665
00:24:29,519 --> 00:24:31,933
how do you create a new empowering

666
00:24:32,310 --> 00:24:33,528
definition to use

667
00:24:33,905 --> 00:24:35,660
so that when it comes up again because

668
00:24:35,660 --> 00:24:37,470
it will, If you're gonna live the life

669
00:24:37,828 --> 00:24:38,625
shit's gonna happen.

670
00:24:39,422 --> 00:24:41,755
And there won't be rejection, There will be

671
00:24:42,531 --> 00:24:43,031
failure,

672
00:24:43,567 --> 00:24:45,535
but how do you get

673
00:24:45,971 --> 00:24:48,275
what can you tell yourself? Because this isn't...

674
00:24:48,592 --> 00:24:50,816
This is all yours. This is not... And

675
00:24:50,896 --> 00:24:52,643
I think that's the the really kind of

676
00:24:52,643 --> 00:24:55,202
fun part about it. This isn't based on

677
00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:58,145
your children, your spouse, where you work, who

678
00:24:58,145 --> 00:25:00,531
your parents are, self worth is all yours.

679
00:25:01,264 --> 00:25:03,661
And you have to remind yourself that you're

680
00:25:03,661 --> 00:25:05,100
even brave enough to try.

681
00:25:07,018 --> 00:25:08,696
I think that is so important. You know,

682
00:25:08,855 --> 00:25:09,755
I had a client

683
00:25:10,389 --> 00:25:12,307
and she was really good friends with someone.

684
00:25:12,547 --> 00:25:14,645
I'm not gonna use any qualifying

685
00:25:15,024 --> 00:25:17,362
examples other than to say that her friend

686
00:25:17,502 --> 00:25:19,260
became very, very famous.

687
00:25:19,834 --> 00:25:21,289
And they were both trying

688
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:24,472
to, you know, win and get these rules

689
00:25:24,768 --> 00:25:26,519
and her her friend got at first. And

690
00:25:26,598 --> 00:25:28,588
I I remember thinking wouldn't that be hard?

691
00:25:28,747 --> 00:25:29,279
And he's

692
00:25:30,514 --> 00:25:32,584
I've always thought about that. Like, like, what

693
00:25:32,584 --> 00:25:34,655
is Jennifer Lopez sister think? You know, like,

694
00:25:34,734 --> 00:25:35,770
it would be so hard.

695
00:25:36,725 --> 00:25:39,134
To like what? But And and I kept

696
00:25:39,134 --> 00:25:39,694
reminding her,

697
00:25:40,575 --> 00:25:42,974
you're showing up for these audition. Like, I

698
00:25:42,974 --> 00:25:44,974
couldn't do that. Just showing up for that.

699
00:25:45,134 --> 00:25:47,299
I did that scary brave stuff. Like, just

700
00:25:47,299 --> 00:25:49,048
keep showing up your time will come.

701
00:25:49,683 --> 00:25:51,591
And let me tell you, it came. And

702
00:25:51,591 --> 00:25:53,990
and she was ready, and now she's sharing

703
00:25:53,990 --> 00:25:55,895
all the accolades, but it was years of

704
00:25:55,895 --> 00:25:57,030
her looking at people,

705
00:25:57,482 --> 00:25:58,434
you know, getting to that,

706
00:25:59,307 --> 00:26:01,847
you know, imaginary finish line whatever of whatever

707
00:26:01,847 --> 00:26:04,096
we deemed success in our certain field.

708
00:26:04,734 --> 00:26:06,411
It was years of her watching that happened

709
00:26:06,411 --> 00:26:08,327
to other people, and and she had to

710
00:26:08,327 --> 00:26:10,882
keep reminding herself. I'm showing up because this

711
00:26:10,882 --> 00:26:11,760
is important to me.

712
00:26:12,492 --> 00:26:14,401
And I think that's part of redefining it

713
00:26:14,401 --> 00:26:16,628
is exactly what you said. You were brave

714
00:26:16,628 --> 00:26:17,901
enough to try it in the first place.

715
00:26:19,109 --> 00:26:20,621
Truly, what's the point in being in here

716
00:26:20,621 --> 00:26:22,054
if you're just gonna stay stuck?

717
00:26:22,770 --> 00:26:25,557
It... There's there's no growth in that. There's

718
00:26:25,557 --> 00:26:26,512
no living in that.

719
00:26:27,802 --> 00:26:29,955
And I'm not saying go do something impulsive

720
00:26:29,955 --> 00:26:31,870
and and say, oh, why did I make

721
00:26:31,870 --> 00:26:34,023
that choice. But when you get to the

722
00:26:34,023 --> 00:26:36,496
point where you can revisit and reframe the

723
00:26:36,496 --> 00:26:36,735
past,

724
00:26:37,307 --> 00:26:37,807
experiences

725
00:26:38,818 --> 00:26:40,646
so that you can look at the rejections

726
00:26:40,646 --> 00:26:42,951
and failures that still feel significant in your

727
00:26:42,951 --> 00:26:44,803
life, it might be

728
00:26:45,590 --> 00:26:47,579
you're you're able to rework that in a

729
00:26:47,579 --> 00:26:48,795
way that will help

730
00:26:49,249 --> 00:26:51,477
prevent you from replaying the loop tape again.

731
00:26:52,606 --> 00:26:55,073
So if you have said, oh, every time

732
00:26:55,232 --> 00:26:58,097
I try to we'll use getting published as

733
00:26:58,097 --> 00:26:59,472
an example because

734
00:26:59,783 --> 00:27:02,638
so many people submit submit submit nobody wants

735
00:27:02,638 --> 00:27:04,780
their work. They can't get an agent, and

736
00:27:04,780 --> 00:27:06,208
they... But they keep trying.

737
00:27:07,416 --> 00:27:09,326
Is there something exactly what you just said

738
00:27:09,326 --> 00:27:10,998
a minute ago of you look back at

739
00:27:10,998 --> 00:27:12,670
that work? And you believed in it at

740
00:27:12,670 --> 00:27:14,581
the time, but in retrospect,

741
00:27:15,234 --> 00:27:17,015
it needed a little more polishing,

742
00:27:17,634 --> 00:27:19,474
but it was a catalyst to get you

743
00:27:19,474 --> 00:27:20,355
to keep trying.

744
00:27:21,154 --> 00:27:23,426
Right. Which is why reject is sometimes

745
00:27:23,801 --> 00:27:25,628
protection. And so we have to remember that.

746
00:27:26,105 --> 00:27:27,559
And I think that's part of

747
00:27:28,250 --> 00:27:31,205
revealing it, redefining it. And then revisit and

748
00:27:31,205 --> 00:27:33,985
ref framing it where, you know, you... You're

749
00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:35,756
looking at those past experiences

750
00:27:36,367 --> 00:27:38,766
and and trying to tell yourself a different

751
00:27:38,766 --> 00:27:41,392
story because the story we tell ourselves about

752
00:27:41,392 --> 00:27:42,131
our life

753
00:27:42,745 --> 00:27:44,336
is the story that we're going to live.

754
00:27:44,973 --> 00:27:45,451
That's it.

755
00:27:46,584 --> 00:27:48,581
We can convince ourselves of anything.

756
00:27:49,141 --> 00:27:49,380
Yeah.

757
00:27:51,698 --> 00:27:53,876
I made my sister laugh so hard yesterday

758
00:27:54,255 --> 00:27:54,630
because

759
00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:55,784
when

760
00:27:56,341 --> 00:27:58,172
you know, as I've mentioned on the show

761
00:27:58,172 --> 00:28:00,503
times, I've been through some really, really yucky

762
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,845
experiences in my life, and I remember when

763
00:28:03,043 --> 00:28:05,048
when my former husband was in the hospital

764
00:28:05,103 --> 00:28:06,926
fighting for his life, and it was so

765
00:28:06,926 --> 00:28:10,279
dramatic and overwhelming and trauma and

766
00:28:10,588 --> 00:28:12,654
all this stuff kept happening and, you know,

767
00:28:12,734 --> 00:28:14,562
every day I would walk into the hospital

768
00:28:14,562 --> 00:28:16,628
and, you know, the doctor would tell me

769
00:28:16,628 --> 00:28:18,634
he's not gonna survive the day. And I

770
00:28:18,634 --> 00:28:20,232
remember saying to my sister. I feel like

771
00:28:20,312 --> 00:28:22,469
I'm starring in my very own lifetime movie,

772
00:28:22,629 --> 00:28:24,786
and this is not good. You know? And

773
00:28:24,786 --> 00:28:26,145
so it would just became like a running

774
00:28:26,145 --> 00:28:26,225
joke.

775
00:28:26,957 --> 00:28:28,869
And so this year, I've had a lot

776
00:28:28,869 --> 00:28:30,861
of good luck and good things happen to

777
00:28:30,861 --> 00:28:33,172
my life, and I said to her. I

778
00:28:33,172 --> 00:28:34,924
went from starring in a lifetime movie to

779
00:28:34,924 --> 00:28:35,880
a hallmark movie.

780
00:28:39,636 --> 00:28:42,342
And it reminded me of that dream I

781
00:28:42,342 --> 00:28:43,536
had with my guide,

782
00:28:44,107 --> 00:28:46,910
where we were walking in a blockbuster video

783
00:28:46,966 --> 00:28:47,466
store

784
00:28:47,919 --> 00:28:49,825
for our young listeners. You used to have

785
00:28:49,825 --> 00:28:51,016
to get in your car and drive to

786
00:28:51,016 --> 00:28:52,366
a video store and pick out the movie

787
00:28:52,366 --> 00:28:53,001
you wanted to watch.

788
00:28:53,813 --> 00:28:55,248
And in the stream, we're walking through the

789
00:28:55,248 --> 00:28:56,684
video door, and he said,

790
00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,555
you know, he pointed out the drama section,

791
00:28:59,795 --> 00:29:02,028
the horror section, the romance section, all of

792
00:29:02,028 --> 00:29:02,905
that. And he said,

793
00:29:03,797 --> 00:29:05,651
this is your life. Choose

794
00:29:06,266 --> 00:29:07,860
choose what movie you wanna live in.

795
00:29:09,373 --> 00:29:11,205
And and I think we we do that

796
00:29:11,205 --> 00:29:12,321
with with our thoughts.

797
00:29:12,815 --> 00:29:14,974
With our beliefs with our sense of worthiness.

798
00:29:15,454 --> 00:29:17,214
And that's why I think it is important

799
00:29:17,214 --> 00:29:19,394
to follow these 4 hours of transcending

800
00:29:19,934 --> 00:29:20,654
rejection, You know,

801
00:29:21,775 --> 00:29:24,190
reveal you define, revisit and revel.

802
00:29:24,910 --> 00:29:26,130
Right. And

803
00:29:26,990 --> 00:29:28,609
when you were in the thick of it

804
00:29:28,990 --> 00:29:31,003
because I'm sure they're people that are very

805
00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:32,361
much in the thick of it right now

806
00:29:32,361 --> 00:29:33,320
that are listening to this.

807
00:29:34,758 --> 00:29:37,075
This would either be a lifeline or it

808
00:29:37,075 --> 00:29:39,556
would be you can't understand the pain that

809
00:29:39,556 --> 00:29:41,064
my life is in right now and none

810
00:29:41,064 --> 00:29:41,858
of this matters.

811
00:29:42,414 --> 00:29:45,193
So I I think being gentle with ourselves

812
00:29:45,193 --> 00:29:46,725
and realizing that

813
00:29:47,352 --> 00:29:48,090
if you're

814
00:29:48,545 --> 00:29:50,692
in a situation right now that feels like

815
00:29:50,692 --> 00:29:51,726
there's no way out,

816
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,065
be gentle with your self and start small.

817
00:29:55,383 --> 00:29:56,679
It goes back to the micro

818
00:29:57,148 --> 00:29:57,648
manifesting

819
00:29:58,024 --> 00:30:00,334
is find some tiny thing that will give

820
00:30:00,334 --> 00:30:01,689
you a sense of hope and a sense

821
00:30:01,689 --> 00:30:02,246
of worth.

822
00:30:03,281 --> 00:30:05,512
Yes. And just my opinion, I could be

823
00:30:05,512 --> 00:30:05,751
wrong,

824
00:30:06,481 --> 00:30:09,024
But if you know someone who's in 1

825
00:30:09,024 --> 00:30:12,123
of those dramatic dramatic overwhelming seasons of their

826
00:30:12,123 --> 00:30:14,999
life, don't don't give them this book. You

827
00:30:14,999 --> 00:30:16,595
know, like, if someone gave me this book

828
00:30:16,595 --> 00:30:18,828
when I was going through all my ups

829
00:30:18,828 --> 00:30:21,163
and downs. I I would I wouldn't even

830
00:30:22,273 --> 00:30:24,658
marinated in those words, You know, because I

831
00:30:24,658 --> 00:30:26,567
wasn't ready for it, and I wasn't willing

832
00:30:26,567 --> 00:30:28,555
and and able. I didn't have the emotional

833
00:30:28,555 --> 00:30:31,338
space in my head to fully digest all

834
00:30:31,338 --> 00:30:33,340
of that. I had to do small things.

835
00:30:33,499 --> 00:30:35,804
And and I think for every 1 of

836
00:30:35,804 --> 00:30:38,189
us when we're going through hard times, those

837
00:30:38,189 --> 00:30:40,017
small things that lift us up are going

838
00:30:40,017 --> 00:30:40,653
to be different.

839
00:30:41,383 --> 00:30:43,871
For me it was meditation and prayer and

840
00:30:44,007 --> 00:30:46,630
and reading my my little angel books that

841
00:30:46,630 --> 00:30:49,492
helps me so much reading uplifting... Little uplifting

842
00:30:49,492 --> 00:30:50,287
positive stories.

843
00:30:50,778 --> 00:30:52,603
But to read a wholesale help book of,

844
00:30:52,683 --> 00:30:54,983
like, you got this girl? No. I would

845
00:30:54,983 --> 00:30:56,888
not have been in that mood. Do you

846
00:30:56,888 --> 00:30:57,443
know what I mean?

847
00:30:58,316 --> 00:30:58,712
Exactly.

848
00:30:59,605 --> 00:31:02,964
Exactly. Because it it it comes back to

849
00:31:02,964 --> 00:31:04,804
this being AAA

850
00:31:04,804 --> 00:31:05,304
really

851
00:31:06,244 --> 00:31:08,325
unique individual connection with yourself.

852
00:31:08,899 --> 00:31:10,175
And you're the only 1 that knows if

853
00:31:10,175 --> 00:31:12,009
you're ready to do this deep dive because

854
00:31:12,009 --> 00:31:12,488
it's not...

855
00:31:13,286 --> 00:31:14,583
I think it can be

856
00:31:15,279 --> 00:31:18,491
tiny steps. It can be sequential building blocks

857
00:31:18,724 --> 00:31:20,394
it doesn't have to be all at once.

858
00:31:21,587 --> 00:31:21,826
No.

859
00:31:22,462 --> 00:31:23,974
It shouldn't be all at once. That would

860
00:31:23,974 --> 00:31:24,690
be overwhelming.

861
00:31:25,167 --> 00:31:25,406
Right.

862
00:31:26,217 --> 00:31:28,447
Okay. I have a homework assignment to give

863
00:31:28,447 --> 00:31:29,642
everyone. Oh,

864
00:31:30,438 --> 00:31:32,349
okay. So she says in this book...

865
00:31:33,225 --> 00:31:35,154
Let me read from my notes. She says

866
00:31:35,154 --> 00:31:35,654
whatever

867
00:31:36,113 --> 00:31:39,010
emotion you associate with rejection

868
00:31:39,549 --> 00:31:41,247
is how you define

869
00:31:41,946 --> 00:31:42,446
rejection

870
00:31:43,479 --> 00:31:45,553
So I asked a lot of friends this

871
00:31:45,553 --> 00:31:49,621
week. What emotion do you associate with rejection?

872
00:31:50,179 --> 00:31:51,774
And do you know that almost everyone I

873
00:31:51,774 --> 00:31:53,938
asked had a different answer? What were some

874
00:31:53,938 --> 00:31:54,652
of the answers?

875
00:31:55,365 --> 00:31:59,195
Shame was a fairly common answer. Yeah. Guilt

876
00:31:59,726 --> 00:32:00,598
was another 1.

877
00:32:02,049 --> 00:32:03,890
Self loa was another 1,

878
00:32:05,169 --> 00:32:06,929
and fear was another 1.

879
00:32:08,784 --> 00:32:11,018
When people are rejected, 1 person said, I

880
00:32:11,018 --> 00:32:13,092
just feel this overwhelming sense of fear, Like,

881
00:32:13,331 --> 00:32:14,927
I'm gonna be stuck in this loop of

882
00:32:14,927 --> 00:32:15,565
rejection forever.

883
00:32:17,012 --> 00:32:19,558
Oh, another 1 said stupid. I feel stupid

884
00:32:19,558 --> 00:32:20,831
when I'm rejected. Yeah.

885
00:32:21,467 --> 00:32:23,789
And it's funny because I asked a couple

886
00:32:23,789 --> 00:32:25,880
people as well and someone said

887
00:32:26,256 --> 00:32:26,494
humiliation.

888
00:32:27,449 --> 00:32:29,358
And I thought that's a enough... But those

889
00:32:29,358 --> 00:32:31,880
are all very powerful emotions that you just

890
00:32:32,078 --> 00:32:34,804
spread off. Yeah. And the... But they're all

891
00:32:34,860 --> 00:32:37,642
different in in their own way. And so

892
00:32:37,642 --> 00:32:41,115
whatever emotion you personally associate with rejection is

893
00:32:41,234 --> 00:32:43,255
how you are going to define

894
00:32:43,634 --> 00:32:46,375
rejection in your life? There are some commonalities,

895
00:32:46,914 --> 00:32:47,414
and

896
00:32:48,515 --> 00:32:51,087
she just several chapters in this book that

897
00:32:51,087 --> 00:32:53,161
talk about how to un the lies that

898
00:32:53,161 --> 00:32:53,958
we tell ourselves.

899
00:32:54,596 --> 00:32:56,989
And the first 1 is my weight impacts

900
00:32:56,989 --> 00:32:58,127
my worth. And,

901
00:32:58,663 --> 00:32:59,914
I mean, I have

902
00:33:00,274 --> 00:33:03,147
been thin and fit. I've been heavy. I've

903
00:33:03,147 --> 00:33:05,542
been in between. I've been weight has been

904
00:33:05,542 --> 00:33:07,617
an issue. It's a cyclical pattern in my

905
00:33:07,617 --> 00:33:08,495
family of origin.

906
00:33:08,988 --> 00:33:11,366
I don't have the health issues that many

907
00:33:11,366 --> 00:33:14,220
people in my biological family have because of

908
00:33:14,220 --> 00:33:14,458
weight,

909
00:33:15,251 --> 00:33:17,568
but I do know that how many times

910
00:33:17,568 --> 00:33:20,271
have people limited themselves from I can't go

911
00:33:20,271 --> 00:33:22,418
to the beach or I don't wanna go

912
00:33:22,418 --> 00:33:24,803
to that party because I'm too uncomfortable in

913
00:33:24,803 --> 00:33:27,130
my own body or this is the only

914
00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:28,649
way people see me And if I don't

915
00:33:28,649 --> 00:33:31,369
have the latest fashion or the new shoes,

916
00:33:31,609 --> 00:33:33,609
I can't I can't do that to myself.

917
00:33:34,184 --> 00:33:36,901
So this is a huge 1. Huge, huge

918
00:33:36,901 --> 00:33:40,118
huge issue is, are you letting your physical

919
00:33:40,178 --> 00:33:42,815
weight to find how you're existing on the

920
00:33:42,815 --> 00:33:43,055
plan?

921
00:33:44,262 --> 00:33:46,804
Yeah. That's that's a really big 1. And

922
00:33:46,883 --> 00:33:49,584
I think it's important to really wrestle with

923
00:33:49,584 --> 00:33:51,569
that for for a long time because again,

924
00:33:51,728 --> 00:33:53,173
that's not an overnight 1.

925
00:33:54,048 --> 00:33:56,912
That's 1 where you have to really focus

926
00:33:56,912 --> 00:33:57,650
on gratitude.

927
00:33:58,423 --> 00:33:59,480
I know after

928
00:34:00,505 --> 00:34:02,250
you know, after I would give birth and,

929
00:34:02,329 --> 00:34:03,757
you know, you during in the shower looking

930
00:34:03,757 --> 00:34:06,533
at your body going, wow, that's different.

931
00:34:07,184 --> 00:34:10,085
And I remember just trying really hard

932
00:34:10,465 --> 00:34:12,545
saying, thank you to every part of my

933
00:34:12,545 --> 00:34:12,784
body.

934
00:34:13,344 --> 00:34:15,105
You know, thank you for growing a child.

935
00:34:15,344 --> 00:34:17,836
Thank you for helping me the and I

936
00:34:17,836 --> 00:34:19,751
would think my legs were walking, and I

937
00:34:19,910 --> 00:34:21,346
I put my hand over my heart, and

938
00:34:21,425 --> 00:34:22,963
I think it for pumping, and

939
00:34:23,340 --> 00:34:25,094
I would do that every morning when I

940
00:34:25,094 --> 00:34:27,104
was in the shower, and it it I

941
00:34:27,104 --> 00:34:28,702
definitely was faking it till I make it.

942
00:34:28,862 --> 00:34:30,300
I gotta be honest, you know,

943
00:34:31,098 --> 00:34:32,536
but I did it. And I I think

944
00:34:32,536 --> 00:34:33,335
it helped a lot.

945
00:34:34,070 --> 00:34:35,750
This is where the self worth and the

946
00:34:35,750 --> 00:34:38,170
self confidence can go hand in hand

947
00:34:38,869 --> 00:34:41,405
because if you're improving yourself

948
00:34:42,241 --> 00:34:44,094
sense of self to your self worth

949
00:34:44,630 --> 00:34:46,780
through feeling better about your physical body,

950
00:34:47,496 --> 00:34:49,248
then it's going to give you the confidence

951
00:34:49,248 --> 00:34:51,420
to put yourself into situations that you might

952
00:34:51,420 --> 00:34:53,019
not normally put yourself into.

953
00:34:54,140 --> 00:34:54,380
Yeah.

954
00:34:55,019 --> 00:34:56,700
But maybe it's not even... I think what

955
00:34:56,780 --> 00:34:58,220
I'm trying to say is it's not even

956
00:34:58,220 --> 00:35:00,973
about feeling better about your body, it's feeling

957
00:35:01,672 --> 00:35:04,149
grateful for your body. Mh. I know.

958
00:35:04,948 --> 00:35:05,448
Because

959
00:35:06,067 --> 00:35:07,665
I think we're so mean to ourselves.

960
00:35:09,507 --> 00:35:11,199
Anyone who has had any

961
00:35:11,572 --> 00:35:12,843
serious health issues,

962
00:35:13,717 --> 00:35:15,226
and you speak to them after they're on

963
00:35:15,226 --> 00:35:17,149
the other side of it. That's always their

964
00:35:17,149 --> 00:35:18,660
number 1 thing. I'm healthy.

965
00:35:19,217 --> 00:35:21,524
That's what matters. Nothing else matters in my

966
00:35:21,524 --> 00:35:23,137
life. My body is

967
00:35:23,447 --> 00:35:26,725
is you is better. I'm stronger. I feel

968
00:35:27,098 --> 00:35:27,995
it becomes

969
00:35:28,447 --> 00:35:29,638
number 1 on the list.

970
00:35:30,273 --> 00:35:30,432
Yeah.

971
00:35:31,163 --> 00:35:31,401
Yeah.

972
00:35:32,675 --> 00:35:34,746
Okay. Number 2 on hers is I should

973
00:35:34,746 --> 00:35:36,657
only be seen when I'm happy.

974
00:35:37,532 --> 00:35:39,045
I think I have a friend like that.

975
00:35:39,378 --> 00:35:40,652
I do. Because what... We have a friend

976
00:35:40,652 --> 00:35:42,962
in our little friend group who gets a

977
00:35:42,962 --> 00:35:44,634
lot of headaches, and I'm always like, do

978
00:35:44,634 --> 00:35:46,386
you have a headache again? Or are you

979
00:35:46,386 --> 00:35:47,842
just not feeling up to

980
00:35:48,550 --> 00:35:49,979
you know, coming out to lunch.

981
00:35:51,805 --> 00:35:53,393
Mh. Do you know what I mean? Like,

982
00:35:53,552 --> 00:35:55,561
you know, and I have another friend who

983
00:35:55,775 --> 00:35:57,379
insists on which I think is smart and

984
00:35:57,458 --> 00:35:59,762
I've now adopted this, but she insists on

985
00:35:59,762 --> 00:36:01,987
driving herself to any social events so she

986
00:36:01,987 --> 00:36:03,338
can leave she wants to leave.

987
00:36:04,768 --> 00:36:05,801
Isn't that normal?

988
00:36:06,371 --> 00:36:06,847
I die.

989
00:36:10,576 --> 00:36:12,321
But that feeling that we always have to

990
00:36:12,321 --> 00:36:14,887
be up and positive and buoyant and all

991
00:36:14,887 --> 00:36:16,246
of... You know, we did a show in

992
00:36:16,246 --> 00:36:18,483
toxic positivity. I mean, that's not a good

993
00:36:18,483 --> 00:36:18,723
thing.

994
00:36:20,481 --> 00:36:20,800
No.

995
00:36:21,534 --> 00:36:24,170
But but if you're getting celebrated in life

996
00:36:24,170 --> 00:36:24,910
for being

997
00:36:25,369 --> 00:36:28,139
the social butterfly, the ex, the funny 1

998
00:36:28,497 --> 00:36:31,141
I think this would be definitely a lie

999
00:36:31,197 --> 00:36:32,785
that would impact a lot of people.

1000
00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:36,533
But it comes back to, and I'm not

1001
00:36:36,533 --> 00:36:39,181
just bash in social media every show, but

1002
00:36:39,397 --> 00:36:42,501
if you see everyone posting these little tiny

1003
00:36:42,501 --> 00:36:44,888
snippets of how perfect their life is or

1004
00:36:44,888 --> 00:36:45,388
their

1005
00:36:45,699 --> 00:36:47,697
and you don't see all the behind the

1006
00:36:47,697 --> 00:36:49,795
scenes reality of what their life is

1007
00:36:50,334 --> 00:36:51,632
that can really

1008
00:36:52,811 --> 00:36:54,742
instill that sense of oh, I have to

1009
00:36:54,742 --> 00:36:56,898
present as my life is as golden as

1010
00:36:56,898 --> 00:36:57,457
everyone else's.

1011
00:36:58,415 --> 00:37:00,570
Right. Right. Which goes back to comparison.

1012
00:37:02,646 --> 00:37:02,965
Joy.

1013
00:37:04,094 --> 00:37:06,634
The third lie is, I don't deserve better.

1014
00:37:06,952 --> 00:37:09,492
Oh, that's that's a heavy 1.

1015
00:37:10,286 --> 00:37:12,192
Well, there's a quote at the beginning of

1016
00:37:12,192 --> 00:37:14,989
that chapter by Steve Fur, and it says,

1017
00:37:15,148 --> 00:37:17,614
are you not letting new people love you

1018
00:37:17,614 --> 00:37:19,601
because of how old people have hurt you?

1019
00:37:20,476 --> 00:37:22,306
And I thought, oh, holy shit. That's deep.

1020
00:37:23,114 --> 00:37:23,907
That is deep.

1021
00:37:24,780 --> 00:37:28,111
But it's true. Do we limit ourselves or

1022
00:37:28,111 --> 00:37:29,514
how we feel about ourselves

1023
00:37:30,114 --> 00:37:32,275
based on how people have treated us. And

1024
00:37:32,275 --> 00:37:34,934
for those who have been with in hostile

1025
00:37:35,074 --> 00:37:35,574
environments

1026
00:37:35,875 --> 00:37:39,829
or with a controlling nurse cystic partner or

1027
00:37:40,050 --> 00:37:43,510
have dealt with been, in a c dependent

1028
00:37:43,650 --> 00:37:45,650
situation where someone had severe addiction issues.

1029
00:37:46,463 --> 00:37:48,397
I think that that can really

1030
00:37:49,650 --> 00:37:51,483
be AAA

1031
00:37:51,483 --> 00:37:53,530
part of it, a big part of it

1032
00:37:54,923 --> 00:37:57,414
Yeah. And and sometimes we just don't even

1033
00:37:58,905 --> 00:38:00,122
understand or recognize

1034
00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:03,543
that we have that internal lie voicing itself

1035
00:38:03,543 --> 00:38:04,103
in our head.

1036
00:38:06,020 --> 00:38:06,340
Right.

1037
00:38:07,538 --> 00:38:09,536
Because you have to stay within your own

1038
00:38:09,536 --> 00:38:10,710
comfort zone. And if

1039
00:38:11,627 --> 00:38:13,143
You know, I've used this line with a

1040
00:38:13,143 --> 00:38:14,819
lot of people over the years is to

1041
00:38:14,819 --> 00:38:16,655
be in a healthy relationship, you have to

1042
00:38:16,655 --> 00:38:18,271
feel safe enough to be vulnerable.

1043
00:38:18,903 --> 00:38:20,811
And if someone has had to be strong

1044
00:38:20,811 --> 00:38:22,958
and resilient and take care of themselves,

1045
00:38:23,594 --> 00:38:25,184
that is a high mountain climb.

1046
00:38:26,059 --> 00:38:28,307
And to find someone that will

1047
00:38:29,093 --> 00:38:31,711
appreciate that and honor that and give someone

1048
00:38:31,711 --> 00:38:33,242
the space that they need

1049
00:38:33,614 --> 00:38:34,114
to

1050
00:38:34,566 --> 00:38:36,311
take the baby steps towards trust.

1051
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,595
I think that that goes hands in hand

1052
00:38:39,595 --> 00:38:41,988
with you building a stronger foundation of self

1053
00:38:41,988 --> 00:38:44,460
worth is who the people you choose to...

1054
00:38:44,780 --> 00:38:46,295
Who you surround yourself with.

1055
00:38:47,109 --> 00:38:48,228
Yeah. That's everything.

1056
00:38:50,306 --> 00:38:52,064
Mh. The next 1 is I don't have

1057
00:38:52,064 --> 00:38:53,742
anything special to offer.

1058
00:38:56,632 --> 00:38:58,223
I had a friend say that to me

1059
00:38:58,223 --> 00:39:00,632
just last month, and I wanted to

1060
00:39:01,087 --> 00:39:02,439
just shake her silly.

1061
00:39:04,361 --> 00:39:06,187
I did. I really did. She was, like,

1062
00:39:06,346 --> 00:39:07,855
I don't really understand. I don't know what

1063
00:39:07,855 --> 00:39:09,364
my sole purposes. I don't feel like I

1064
00:39:09,364 --> 00:39:11,134
anything special to offer and

1065
00:39:11,603 --> 00:39:13,039
She is just 1 of the brightest lights

1066
00:39:13,199 --> 00:39:15,433
I know. She makes everyone laugh. She's so

1067
00:39:15,433 --> 00:39:16,949
warm and thought. She's just 1 of the

1068
00:39:16,949 --> 00:39:19,591
best people I know. And I couldn't believe

1069
00:39:19,591 --> 00:39:21,656
that those words came out of her mouth.

1070
00:39:22,132 --> 00:39:23,721
I mean, sometimes the like I said before,

1071
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,365
the way we see ourselves is so drastically

1072
00:39:26,421 --> 00:39:28,033
different from how other people

1073
00:39:28,343 --> 00:39:30,673
see our c us, you know? And

1074
00:39:31,208 --> 00:39:33,436
and I hope I talked good sentence into

1075
00:39:33,436 --> 00:39:35,800
her. But I mean, that's something. I know

1076
00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:37,745
like you were saying before with Ai? I

1077
00:39:37,745 --> 00:39:39,254
mean, there's so many times where you're, like,

1078
00:39:39,492 --> 00:39:40,683
what am I gonna say now? What am

1079
00:39:40,762 --> 00:39:41,874
I gonna say that's different?

1080
00:39:43,954 --> 00:39:46,421
Or special. You have the whole premise of

1081
00:39:46,421 --> 00:39:48,650
all the stories have been told, but they

1082
00:39:48,650 --> 00:39:49,764
haven't been told by you.

1083
00:39:50,481 --> 00:39:52,630
They haven't they don't have your spin. Your

1084
00:39:52,630 --> 00:39:54,339
perspective, Your life experiences,

1085
00:39:55,036 --> 00:39:57,511
which comes back to your whole little sole

1086
00:39:57,511 --> 00:39:59,905
light is unique to anyone else out of

1087
00:39:59,905 --> 00:40:01,981
billions of us on the planet. There's only

1088
00:40:01,981 --> 00:40:04,146
1 soul light that matches with you.

1089
00:40:04,782 --> 00:40:06,851
And and I think that's pretty damn incredible.

1090
00:40:07,408 --> 00:40:09,398
Yeah. 1 thing she says a lot in

1091
00:40:09,398 --> 00:40:11,387
that book is you're the first ever only

1092
00:40:11,387 --> 00:40:11,546
you.

1093
00:40:12,438 --> 00:40:14,751
Yes. I like that. You're the first ever

1094
00:40:14,751 --> 00:40:16,745
only you, and you do have something unique.

1095
00:40:17,064 --> 00:40:18,659
And I also heard her say I believe

1096
00:40:18,659 --> 00:40:21,052
1 of the most prevalent forms of cancel

1097
00:40:21,052 --> 00:40:21,371
culture.

1098
00:40:21,945 --> 00:40:24,025
Is 1 no 1 talks about and it's

1099
00:40:24,025 --> 00:40:24,925
us canceling

1100
00:40:25,304 --> 00:40:25,804
ourselves

1101
00:40:26,425 --> 00:40:27,784
before we even try.

1102
00:40:29,224 --> 00:40:30,664
And which comes back to the fear.

1103
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:31,639
Yeah.

1104
00:40:32,519 --> 00:40:32,839
Yeah.

1105
00:40:34,279 --> 00:40:35,719
And then the next slide is I need

1106
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:37,319
to please them to love me.

1107
00:40:39,815 --> 00:40:41,494
Well, if you were raise of conditional love,

1108
00:40:41,655 --> 00:40:42,934
that might really ring true.

1109
00:40:43,974 --> 00:40:44,215
Right.

1110
00:40:45,175 --> 00:40:47,550
And the people please are Jean and the

1111
00:40:47,827 --> 00:40:50,231
you have family dynamics or

1112
00:40:50,683 --> 00:40:53,777
relationships or that's a huge huge huge ones.

1113
00:40:54,173 --> 00:40:54,625
But I

1114
00:40:55,302 --> 00:40:57,855
sometimes think that we we get caught in

1115
00:40:57,855 --> 00:40:59,849
that worry loop of what someone else will

1116
00:40:59,849 --> 00:41:02,002
think of us or what if I don't

1117
00:41:02,002 --> 00:41:03,916
show up, or I don't wanna hurt anyone's

1118
00:41:03,916 --> 00:41:04,416
feelings

1119
00:41:05,447 --> 00:41:08,182
And if we've had just conditional relationships

1120
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:10,554
that can be very limiting with our self

1121
00:41:10,554 --> 00:41:10,873
worth.

1122
00:41:12,881 --> 00:41:14,551
And the next 1 is if I stand

1123
00:41:14,551 --> 00:41:15,744
out, I'll get kicked out.

1124
00:41:17,731 --> 00:41:19,561
Oh, that reminds me of goodwill hunting.

1125
00:41:20,356 --> 00:41:21,787
Remember why not, Matt Damon,

1126
00:41:22,439 --> 00:41:24,594
Ben A has that conversation with Matt Damon,

1127
00:41:24,753 --> 00:41:26,190
and he's, like, you gotta take this. You

1128
00:41:26,190 --> 00:41:27,706
gotta go. You gotta off... You know, take

1129
00:41:27,706 --> 00:41:28,424
this job offer.

1130
00:41:29,062 --> 00:41:31,554
And he says you know, matt Damon basically

1131
00:41:31,554 --> 00:41:33,394
says, but you guys are my family, you

1132
00:41:33,394 --> 00:41:34,454
know, and I can't

1133
00:41:34,994 --> 00:41:36,515
I can't leave this family.

1134
00:41:37,074 --> 00:41:38,594
And I just... I love that scene, and

1135
00:41:38,675 --> 00:41:40,527
Ben a looks like, no. You gotta go.

1136
00:41:41,406 --> 00:41:42,943
But I think that is a common

1137
00:41:43,402 --> 00:41:45,557
refrain A lot of people will hear if

1138
00:41:45,637 --> 00:41:46,994
I stand out, I'll get kicked out.

1139
00:41:47,952 --> 00:41:49,045
It it's a

1140
00:41:49,641 --> 00:41:51,870
middle school or high school mentality,

1141
00:41:52,825 --> 00:41:55,213
and I'm not being derogatory with that, but

1142
00:41:55,292 --> 00:41:56,508
I spoke with someone recently

1143
00:41:57,140 --> 00:41:59,539
and they were saying this click at their

1144
00:41:59,539 --> 00:42:00,440
work environment

1145
00:42:01,140 --> 00:42:03,140
and how they're gang up, and they're the

1146
00:42:03,140 --> 00:42:05,594
popular ones in the work environment and they

1147
00:42:05,794 --> 00:42:06,454
kind of

1148
00:42:06,831 --> 00:42:09,545
it it's high school. It's middle school. It's

1149
00:42:09,545 --> 00:42:11,938
that demographic of worker if you're different, we're

1150
00:42:11,938 --> 00:42:13,949
not gonna let you in the club. So

1151
00:42:14,030 --> 00:42:15,489
I think people will

1152
00:42:16,429 --> 00:42:17,650
try to fit in

1153
00:42:18,030 --> 00:42:20,670
so that they're not os sized or lonely,

1154
00:42:21,309 --> 00:42:23,045
but that's a huge huge

1155
00:42:23,559 --> 00:42:26,199
impact on your self worth if you lessen

1156
00:42:26,333 --> 00:42:26,833
yourself

1157
00:42:27,362 --> 00:42:29,581
to fit someone else's standards of how to

1158
00:42:29,581 --> 00:42:29,977
fit in.

1159
00:42:30,947 --> 00:42:32,621
Yeah. But to me it's just like the

1160
00:42:32,621 --> 00:42:35,014
ugly duckling, you know, those just aren't your

1161
00:42:35,014 --> 00:42:36,369
ducks. Those aren't your swan.

1162
00:42:37,087 --> 00:42:38,921
I remember when I was a new mom

1163
00:42:38,921 --> 00:42:40,295
and I was trying to find, like, my

1164
00:42:40,295 --> 00:42:40,855
mom friends,

1165
00:42:41,574 --> 00:42:44,054
and I joined this 1 prayer Group's mom's

1166
00:42:44,054 --> 00:42:45,734
prayer group, and they were super nice, and

1167
00:42:45,815 --> 00:42:47,389
I really enjoyed going, but

1168
00:42:47,828 --> 00:42:48,228
you know,

1169
00:42:49,106 --> 00:42:51,021
Denise, you and I both love to swear,

1170
00:42:51,740 --> 00:42:53,735
and I've been known to say god it

1171
00:42:53,735 --> 00:42:55,172
and Jesus Christ, and let me tell you

1172
00:42:55,172 --> 00:42:56,369
those ladies were not having it.

1173
00:42:57,502 --> 00:42:58,002
And.

1174
00:43:01,015 --> 00:43:03,170
And if I talked about all my spiritual

1175
00:43:03,170 --> 00:43:04,368
stuff or a bit... Like, I'm trying to

1176
00:43:04,368 --> 00:43:06,779
manifest that, they'd be like, well, Let's just

1177
00:43:06,779 --> 00:43:08,057
pray about. And I was like, I don't

1178
00:43:08,057 --> 00:43:10,955
know... M. And I remember when I joined

1179
00:43:11,174 --> 00:43:14,471
the meditation group at my local meta physical

1180
00:43:14,530 --> 00:43:14,770
store,

1181
00:43:15,902 --> 00:43:18,217
Those women were so different than anyone I'd

1182
00:43:18,217 --> 00:43:20,873
ever been friends with and yet I immediately

1183
00:43:21,570 --> 00:43:23,246
felt understood and accepted.

1184
00:43:24,059 --> 00:43:25,646
So I think sometimes if you stand out

1185
00:43:25,646 --> 00:43:27,074
and get kicked out, that's a good thing,

1186
00:43:27,233 --> 00:43:28,583
because that that's not your tribe.

1187
00:43:29,297 --> 00:43:29,693
Mh.

1188
00:43:30,963 --> 00:43:31,202
Right.

1189
00:43:32,094 --> 00:43:33,612
I mean, the next 1 is I'm an

1190
00:43:33,612 --> 00:43:35,690
impostor, not enough on my own, which I

1191
00:43:35,690 --> 00:43:38,427
think goes hand in hand with standing out

1192
00:43:38,726 --> 00:43:39,500
is will

1193
00:43:40,659 --> 00:43:43,699
it Really capable of of doing this or

1194
00:43:43,699 --> 00:43:45,460
being this or seeing myself or...

1195
00:43:46,099 --> 00:43:49,147
And I think the impostor 1 go can

1196
00:43:49,147 --> 00:43:50,361
link back to

1197
00:43:51,212 --> 00:43:51,847
being told,

1198
00:43:52,562 --> 00:43:54,468
you know, you're not enough or don't get

1199
00:43:54,468 --> 00:43:56,056
a big head or why would you think

1200
00:43:56,056 --> 00:43:57,699
you can do it better than someone else

1201
00:43:57,898 --> 00:44:00,355
or all of those old messages that might

1202
00:44:00,355 --> 00:44:01,862
have come through when we were younger.

1203
00:44:02,972 --> 00:44:03,447
Mh.

1204
00:44:04,715 --> 00:44:05,112
Totally.

1205
00:44:05,524 --> 00:44:07,429
Yeah. Like, the next lie, if I'm me,

1206
00:44:07,746 --> 00:44:08,620
I won't be loved.

1207
00:44:09,335 --> 00:44:11,081
Right. I think a lot of that starts

1208
00:44:11,081 --> 00:44:13,304
in childhood when if if you are raised

1209
00:44:13,304 --> 00:44:14,550
in a family that

1210
00:44:14,987 --> 00:44:17,930
loves you on conditions. The condition that, you

1211
00:44:17,930 --> 00:44:19,998
know, you fulfill this role or this label

1212
00:44:19,998 --> 00:44:20,657
or this

1213
00:44:21,032 --> 00:44:23,678
expectation then I think that's a lie you've

1214
00:44:23,678 --> 00:44:24,635
probably internalized.

1215
00:44:25,592 --> 00:44:28,783
K and and B Brown, you know, very

1216
00:44:28,783 --> 00:44:31,909
familiar with B Brown, and her her Take

1217
00:44:31,909 --> 00:44:33,504
on that as you either walk into your

1218
00:44:33,504 --> 00:44:35,338
story and own your truth or you live

1219
00:44:35,338 --> 00:44:37,093
outside of your story, hustling for your own

1220
00:44:37,093 --> 00:44:37,593
worthiness.

1221
00:44:38,210 --> 00:44:39,885
If I'm me, I won't be loved, and

1222
00:44:39,885 --> 00:44:42,793
then the labels are permanent was her last

1223
00:44:42,851 --> 00:44:45,086
chapter on on on learning the lies we

1224
00:44:45,086 --> 00:44:47,640
tell ourselves, and that's believing what you've been

1225
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:48,438
told that you are.

1226
00:44:49,077 --> 00:44:51,648
You're a k. You'll never make it. You're

1227
00:44:51,648 --> 00:44:52,527
not smart enough.

1228
00:44:53,646 --> 00:44:55,164
Your sister is the pretty 1.

1229
00:44:56,283 --> 00:44:59,340
Your your brother is the stronger 1. Your

1230
00:44:59,731 --> 00:45:00,128
you're

1231
00:45:01,079 --> 00:45:03,164
you're not cut out to be a manager

1232
00:45:03,377 --> 00:45:06,468
or you're not creative enough to write the

1233
00:45:06,468 --> 00:45:06,626
book.

1234
00:45:07,357 --> 00:45:09,902
I think all of those things, those labels,

1235
00:45:10,380 --> 00:45:11,255
we have to...

1236
00:45:11,811 --> 00:45:12,209
And her...

1237
00:45:13,084 --> 00:45:14,768
You and I have Joe about this and

1238
00:45:14,768 --> 00:45:16,753
and brought it up in many, many episodes

1239
00:45:16,753 --> 00:45:19,612
about Louise Hay and the mirror work. And

1240
00:45:19,612 --> 00:45:21,439
that's 1 of the ways to start to

1241
00:45:21,439 --> 00:45:23,448
work with all of this stuff is to

1242
00:45:23,916 --> 00:45:26,241
look yourself in the mirror and start to

1243
00:45:26,534 --> 00:45:28,835
make a connection with who you are and

1244
00:45:28,835 --> 00:45:29,549
what you want.

1245
00:45:30,184 --> 00:45:31,612
And that's painful sometimes.

1246
00:45:32,664 --> 00:45:34,605
It's painful awkward and uncomfortable,

1247
00:45:34,985 --> 00:45:37,864
but a lot of good things come from

1248
00:45:37,864 --> 00:45:40,925
allowing ourselves to feel painful awkward and uncomfortable.

1249
00:45:41,556 --> 00:45:44,015
And we gotta push through to really show

1250
00:45:44,015 --> 00:45:44,967
up for ourselves.

1251
00:45:45,523 --> 00:45:47,926
And and for any really young people listening

1252
00:45:48,298 --> 00:45:49,092
anyone in their twenties,

1253
00:45:49,901 --> 00:45:51,412
I know if I were listening to this

1254
00:45:51,412 --> 00:45:53,559
in my twenties, I'd be like, I don't

1255
00:45:53,559 --> 00:45:55,547
know. Labels are kinda accurate for the people

1256
00:45:55,627 --> 00:45:57,456
I know. But when you live on this

1257
00:45:57,456 --> 00:45:58,887
earth longer than that,

1258
00:45:59,459 --> 00:46:01,453
and you look at yourself and the people

1259
00:46:01,453 --> 00:46:03,208
in your life and how they've changed over

1260
00:46:03,208 --> 00:46:06,318
the years, you start to see... Wow, labels

1261
00:46:06,318 --> 00:46:08,632
really aren't permanent. We really do change evolve

1262
00:46:08,632 --> 00:46:09,110
and grow.

1263
00:46:10,559 --> 00:46:12,711
And I think it's important for young listeners

1264
00:46:12,711 --> 00:46:14,782
to just trust that. And and to watch

1265
00:46:14,782 --> 00:46:16,296
that and some of the older people they

1266
00:46:16,296 --> 00:46:16,455
know.

1267
00:46:17,898 --> 00:46:18,873
Right. And

1268
00:46:19,245 --> 00:46:19,983
this is

1269
00:46:20,592 --> 00:46:22,336
with age comes wisdom or not,

1270
00:46:23,050 --> 00:46:25,530
that a lot of people that are profess

1271
00:46:25,530 --> 00:46:28,402
to be individuals are following the pack right

1272
00:46:28,402 --> 00:46:31,432
now in order to be seen as, but

1273
00:46:31,432 --> 00:46:34,978
they're actually just em other people's form of

1274
00:46:35,117 --> 00:46:35,595
individuality.

1275
00:46:37,589 --> 00:46:40,381
But that's so true. It's because it comes

1276
00:46:40,381 --> 00:46:42,614
back to, I I being worthy of being

1277
00:46:42,614 --> 00:46:44,701
seen and heard and under stood. So if

1278
00:46:44,701 --> 00:46:47,269
you're really struggling with acknowledging who you are

1279
00:46:47,326 --> 00:46:48,996
and how you present in the world, which

1280
00:46:48,996 --> 00:46:49,871
goes back to that,

1281
00:46:50,588 --> 00:46:50,746
again,

1282
00:46:51,955 --> 00:46:54,103
if you focus on letting someone else know

1283
00:46:54,103 --> 00:46:55,057
that you see them.

1284
00:46:55,693 --> 00:46:58,574
So it... It's the Newton's third log of

1285
00:46:58,574 --> 00:47:00,172
motion for every reaction of force in nature,

1286
00:47:00,332 --> 00:47:03,128
there's an equal or opposite reaction. When you

1287
00:47:03,128 --> 00:47:05,685
truly seal see someone else, it can be

1288
00:47:05,685 --> 00:47:08,659
a beautiful beautiful catalyst just start to see

1289
00:47:08,659 --> 00:47:08,900
yourself.

1290
00:47:10,260 --> 00:47:11,960
Haven't you found that when you

1291
00:47:12,339 --> 00:47:15,711
say something genuine and true and kind to

1292
00:47:15,711 --> 00:47:16,110
someone.

1293
00:47:17,068 --> 00:47:18,905
And you see the light come in their

1294
00:47:18,905 --> 00:47:21,140
eyes, like, oh my gosh. I've always believed

1295
00:47:21,140 --> 00:47:22,976
that about myself, but no one's ever told

1296
00:47:22,976 --> 00:47:23,375
me that.

1297
00:47:24,504 --> 00:47:27,208
I... That's a beautiful beautiful gift to share

1298
00:47:27,208 --> 00:47:27,765
with someone.

1299
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:30,548
Oh, it really is. It's the best.

1300
00:47:32,394 --> 00:47:34,795
Some of the strategies she has for un

1301
00:47:34,795 --> 00:47:36,795
learning these lies is she says you have

1302
00:47:36,795 --> 00:47:39,114
to ask yourself, do I believe that lie?

1303
00:47:39,755 --> 00:47:39,994
Right.

1304
00:47:40,648 --> 00:47:42,958
That's important. You know, do I believe that

1305
00:47:42,958 --> 00:47:45,428
lie. Sometimes we're just telling ourselves these things

1306
00:47:45,428 --> 00:47:47,818
over and over? We don't pause to think,

1307
00:47:48,057 --> 00:47:49,492
do I even believe this anymore?

1308
00:47:50,304 --> 00:47:51,739
And then you have to ask how is

1309
00:47:51,739 --> 00:47:53,015
this lies serving me.

1310
00:47:54,291 --> 00:47:56,764
Because sometimes these lies are serving us because

1311
00:47:56,764 --> 00:47:58,838
sometimes we do want to be held back

1312
00:47:58,838 --> 00:47:59,635
because we're afraid.

1313
00:48:00,288 --> 00:48:01,403
And so we have to again, it goes

1314
00:48:01,403 --> 00:48:04,829
back to being totally authentic transparent and honest.

1315
00:48:05,467 --> 00:48:07,219
And she says you're the main character of

1316
00:48:07,219 --> 00:48:09,211
your life and of this lie.

1317
00:48:09,944 --> 00:48:12,259
You get to decide. Do you want to

1318
00:48:12,259 --> 00:48:13,536
un learn this lie?

1319
00:48:14,814 --> 00:48:16,969
And then you have to reframe it, and

1320
00:48:16,969 --> 00:48:18,965
she says again, Am the first only ever

1321
00:48:18,965 --> 00:48:21,047
me and I'm going to live in alignment

1322
00:48:21,047 --> 00:48:23,429
with my purpose. When you change the story

1323
00:48:23,429 --> 00:48:25,971
of you, the story you tell yourself about

1324
00:48:25,971 --> 00:48:28,512
your life, then your whole world changes.

1325
00:48:29,003 --> 00:48:31,702
And she says a calling une unexplained inside

1326
00:48:31,702 --> 00:48:35,035
of you leaves you feeling anguish and alone.

1327
00:48:35,432 --> 00:48:36,067
Just so try.

1328
00:48:36,637 --> 00:48:38,328
It is so true and

1329
00:48:38,860 --> 00:48:40,392
I'm thinking about different

1330
00:48:40,765 --> 00:48:41,876
chapters of our lives,

1331
00:48:42,829 --> 00:48:45,781
people and when you when you mentioned, people

1332
00:48:45,781 --> 00:48:47,452
that are younger or in their twenties that

1333
00:48:47,452 --> 00:48:49,280
are listening to this would have a different

1334
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,268
perception than someone in their thirties, their forties,

1335
00:48:51,427 --> 00:48:53,257
their fifties or sixties or seventies.

1336
00:48:54,069 --> 00:48:55,989
We have a really wide range in our

1337
00:48:55,989 --> 00:48:56,489
audience

1338
00:48:56,869 --> 00:48:58,009
but there's no

1339
00:48:58,630 --> 00:49:01,609
timeline on doing this work. There's no

1340
00:49:02,005 --> 00:49:04,641
it's not too late or too early to

1341
00:49:04,641 --> 00:49:06,879
start to accept yourself for who you really

1342
00:49:06,879 --> 00:49:09,356
are, because that's the only way you're going

1343
00:49:09,356 --> 00:49:11,606
to make the impact you really wanna make

1344
00:49:11,606 --> 00:49:12,165
in the world.

1345
00:49:12,803 --> 00:49:14,500
Yeah. And and to

1346
00:49:15,994 --> 00:49:17,292
I think there is

1347
00:49:18,244 --> 00:49:21,045
a value in being comfortable in your own

1348
00:49:21,045 --> 00:49:22,664
skin in who you are

1349
00:49:22,965 --> 00:49:23,465
that

1350
00:49:23,925 --> 00:49:24,425
far

1351
00:49:24,804 --> 00:49:25,304
surpasses

1352
00:49:26,016 --> 00:49:28,398
any accolades we can get from someone else?

1353
00:49:29,510 --> 00:49:30,621
Yeah. Because, again,

1354
00:49:31,257 --> 00:49:33,083
we're we're... I don't even believe that we're

1355
00:49:33,083 --> 00:49:34,671
here to make an impact on the world.

1356
00:49:35,323 --> 00:49:35,642
You know?

1357
00:49:36,519 --> 00:49:38,034
I mean, I guess we are. I I

1358
00:49:38,034 --> 00:49:40,048
feel like we're here to grow our soul

1359
00:49:40,585 --> 00:49:42,918
and to use these experiences

1360
00:49:43,628 --> 00:49:45,698
that we have in this lifetime. The good,

1361
00:49:46,096 --> 00:49:48,586
the bad, the ugly, the beautiful the miraculous

1362
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:52,224
to strengthen and brighten our light. And in

1363
00:49:52,224 --> 00:49:52,941
doing so,

1364
00:49:54,070 --> 00:49:55,741
that will leave an impact on the world.

1365
00:49:56,139 --> 00:49:57,730
But it all starts within us,

1366
00:49:58,446 --> 00:50:01,250
and that's why self worth is so crucial.

1367
00:50:02,050 --> 00:50:04,130
What are what are the 5 shortcuts to

1368
00:50:04,130 --> 00:50:06,530
self worth that she talks about? Well, 2

1369
00:50:06,530 --> 00:50:08,289
of them I mentioned, you know, doing the

1370
00:50:08,289 --> 00:50:10,455
mirror work and feeling that you're worthy of

1371
00:50:10,455 --> 00:50:11,967
being seen heard and understood.

1372
00:50:12,603 --> 00:50:15,387
And then she mentions a real starting point

1373
00:50:15,387 --> 00:50:15,840
is

1374
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,920
loving and appreciate the beauty and the positive

1375
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:21,500
and the things around you. So when you

1376
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:23,320
intentionally make a point to see the good

1377
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:24,860
around you, it becomes a mindset.

1378
00:50:26,208 --> 00:50:29,073
This comes, you know, when people are sat

1379
00:50:29,073 --> 00:50:31,300
on, oh, I've been watching the news. I've

1380
00:50:31,300 --> 00:50:33,210
been watching the horror in the world. I've

1381
00:50:33,210 --> 00:50:34,219
been in you

1382
00:50:34,818 --> 00:50:38,090
hear them say, there's nothing positive. There's no

1383
00:50:38,090 --> 00:50:39,308
hope. There's no

1384
00:50:39,846 --> 00:50:43,054
reframe that because you're internal it and it's

1385
00:50:43,054 --> 00:50:45,375
going to impact your own mindset about yourself.

1386
00:50:45,775 --> 00:50:48,094
And there was a joy study commissioned by

1387
00:50:48,094 --> 00:50:50,114
ulta beauty that found

1388
00:50:50,508 --> 00:50:52,654
In spite of how common negative self talk

1389
00:50:52,654 --> 00:50:54,641
was more than 5000 people,

1390
00:50:55,436 --> 00:50:56,311
67

1391
00:50:56,311 --> 00:50:58,537
percent said it's part of how they functioned

1392
00:50:58,537 --> 00:51:00,303
and that they didn't even notice they're doing

1393
00:51:00,303 --> 00:51:00,462
it.

1394
00:51:01,499 --> 00:51:03,811
It numbing ourselves out, and I think we

1395
00:51:03,811 --> 00:51:06,283
do the same thing with the external stimuli

1396
00:51:06,283 --> 00:51:08,436
that we're constantly getting hit. It becomes our

1397
00:51:08,436 --> 00:51:08,835
normal.

1398
00:51:09,647 --> 00:51:12,198
And we forget that there's hope and peace

1399
00:51:12,198 --> 00:51:13,393
in humanity.

1400
00:51:13,952 --> 00:51:15,705
And I'm not being all polly about that,

1401
00:51:15,864 --> 00:51:16,981
but it really is a thing.

1402
00:51:17,870 --> 00:51:19,140
No. No. He really is.

1403
00:51:19,855 --> 00:51:22,157
And she goes on to say the... 1

1404
00:51:22,157 --> 00:51:24,062
of my favorites, you know, the power impact

1405
00:51:24,062 --> 00:51:24,697
of journal.

1406
00:51:25,269 --> 00:51:28,386
Of writing and writing yourself through it. Really,

1407
00:51:28,706 --> 00:51:30,724
that's a quiet time with yourself

1408
00:51:31,422 --> 00:51:31,922
to

1409
00:51:32,781 --> 00:51:35,270
get clear on why do I feel this

1410
00:51:35,270 --> 00:51:36,944
way? You can write it and burn it.

1411
00:51:37,263 --> 00:51:39,097
You can shred it. You can keep it

1412
00:51:39,097 --> 00:51:42,046
and revisit it, but I think giving voice

1413
00:51:42,046 --> 00:51:44,297
to And for some people that may be

1414
00:51:44,297 --> 00:51:44,958
more comfortable,

1415
00:51:47,015 --> 00:51:49,012
sharing that with a dear friend or with

1416
00:51:49,012 --> 00:51:51,271
a counselor or with a therapist,

1417
00:51:52,063 --> 00:51:55,253
but there's something to be said in writing

1418
00:51:55,253 --> 00:51:58,125
it down or sharing it what you really

1419
00:51:58,125 --> 00:51:58,625
believe

1420
00:51:59,002 --> 00:52:01,315
in your heart is around your worthiness issues.

1421
00:52:02,046 --> 00:52:03,976
The third was, you know, higher

1422
00:52:04,350 --> 00:52:05,939
intentions having higher self worth.

1423
00:52:06,575 --> 00:52:08,641
If you focus on the good intentions behind

1424
00:52:08,641 --> 00:52:09,912
the things that you do and say,

1425
00:52:10,642 --> 00:52:13,188
even little things, at leads sort of stronger

1426
00:52:13,188 --> 00:52:15,813
self worth. It's, you know, taking the high

1427
00:52:15,813 --> 00:52:17,300
road, doing the right thing

1428
00:52:18,219 --> 00:52:20,699
paying attention and acknowledging yourself is the key

1429
00:52:20,699 --> 00:52:22,000
and giving yourself credit

1430
00:52:22,380 --> 00:52:24,860
for your own good intentions. So... Because that's

1431
00:52:24,860 --> 00:52:26,860
gonna lead to more positive self talk.

1432
00:52:27,672 --> 00:52:30,464
Which will help override the negative thoughts and

1433
00:52:30,863 --> 00:52:33,016
lies that we tend to tell ourselves from

1434
00:52:33,016 --> 00:52:34,452
the past or as our default.

1435
00:52:35,250 --> 00:52:37,026
So that feeling of

1436
00:52:37,575 --> 00:52:39,478
when you may step out of your comfort

1437
00:52:39,478 --> 00:52:42,199
zone and take the high road and

1438
00:52:42,730 --> 00:52:44,395
you you give yourself a little pat on

1439
00:52:44,395 --> 00:52:44,791
the back.

1440
00:52:45,601 --> 00:52:47,191
Maybe we all need a few more paths

1441
00:52:47,191 --> 00:52:47,827
on the back.

1442
00:52:49,735 --> 00:52:51,326
Yeah. It goes back to being your own

1443
00:52:51,326 --> 00:52:51,826
cheerleader.

1444
00:52:52,598 --> 00:52:52,836
Right.

1445
00:52:54,047 --> 00:52:56,122
So I think that these, you know, we

1446
00:52:56,122 --> 00:52:58,437
as we mentioned, these are all little stepping

1447
00:52:58,437 --> 00:52:59,416
stones towards

1448
00:53:00,033 --> 00:53:01,230
improving your yourself worth.

1449
00:53:01,963 --> 00:53:03,100
But I can't

1450
00:53:03,716 --> 00:53:05,469
emphasize enough, and I know you'll agree with

1451
00:53:05,469 --> 00:53:07,940
me on this. Please please be gentle with

1452
00:53:07,940 --> 00:53:09,237
yourself. You're undoing

1453
00:53:09,867 --> 00:53:10,925
a lifetime

1454
00:53:11,301 --> 00:53:14,009
of stories you've told yourself or that you've

1455
00:53:14,009 --> 00:53:14,748
been told

1456
00:53:15,362 --> 00:53:17,513
and any little step is gonna make a

1457
00:53:17,513 --> 00:53:18,070
big difference.

1458
00:53:19,917 --> 00:53:22,306
Well, she says your self worth becomes your

1459
00:53:22,306 --> 00:53:22,784
ceiling.

1460
00:53:23,819 --> 00:53:26,686
Oh, isn't that beautiful? That is beautiful.

1461
00:53:27,980 --> 00:53:30,559
You can only achieve and and

1462
00:53:31,340 --> 00:53:32,480
create and manifest

1463
00:53:32,859 --> 00:53:34,940
to the level of which you believe you're

1464
00:53:34,940 --> 00:53:35,340
worthy.

1465
00:53:36,469 --> 00:53:38,777
And so it really does believe become your

1466
00:53:38,777 --> 00:53:39,175
ceiling.

1467
00:53:40,050 --> 00:53:42,198
Okay. This thing popped up on 1 of

1468
00:53:42,198 --> 00:53:45,235
my social media pages this morning, Denise and

1469
00:53:45,314 --> 00:53:46,981
I would just love your opinion on it

1470
00:53:46,981 --> 00:53:48,488
because I think it does have to do

1471
00:53:48,488 --> 00:53:51,345
with worthiness, but it... It just made me

1472
00:53:51,345 --> 00:53:51,504
think.

1473
00:53:52,536 --> 00:53:53,274
It says

1474
00:53:53,585 --> 00:53:56,144
buy land and secret, build the house and

1475
00:53:56,144 --> 00:53:56,545
secret,

1476
00:53:57,025 --> 00:53:59,505
then have the party with the public. Go

1477
00:53:59,505 --> 00:54:02,244
on dates and secret, propose in private

1478
00:54:02,558 --> 00:54:04,147
then get married in front of a crowd.

1479
00:54:04,623 --> 00:54:07,086
Let your enemies only see your reality, never

1480
00:54:07,086 --> 00:54:09,946
your vision or you will have vision. In

1481
00:54:09,946 --> 00:54:12,011
a chest, you don't talk you just act.

1482
00:54:12,502 --> 00:54:14,563
The only time you speak when playing chess

1483
00:54:14,563 --> 00:54:16,942
is to say check mate. Life is like

1484
00:54:16,942 --> 00:54:19,637
chess, don't broadcast your intentions.

1485
00:54:20,529 --> 00:54:23,406
Act in silence, keep achieving your achievements or

1486
00:54:23,406 --> 00:54:24,125
your check pain.

1487
00:54:25,484 --> 00:54:27,082
And I know something about that felt kinda

1488
00:54:27,082 --> 00:54:29,160
negative to me, you know, especially when it

1489
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:31,184
mentions enemies. Like, I don't really look at

1490
00:54:31,715 --> 00:54:33,619
my life in terms of friends and enemies.

1491
00:54:33,857 --> 00:54:35,999
You know what I mean? But that aligns

1492
00:54:35,999 --> 00:54:38,715
beautifully with what we're talking about because if

1493
00:54:38,715 --> 00:54:39,432
you've been,

1494
00:54:40,307 --> 00:54:43,094
if you've shared your truth, your self worth,

1495
00:54:43,333 --> 00:54:46,222
your dreams, your visions and someone has

1496
00:54:46,612 --> 00:54:49,315
wanted to hold you back or has put

1497
00:54:49,315 --> 00:54:51,563
a negative twist on it or has

1498
00:54:52,494 --> 00:54:53,788
reiterated all of those

1499
00:54:54,257 --> 00:54:56,561
old lies that we've told ourselves over and

1500
00:54:56,561 --> 00:54:57,196
over again.

1501
00:54:58,070 --> 00:55:00,453
That is a an enemy stance, and it's

1502
00:55:00,453 --> 00:55:02,383
going to keep you stuck where you've been

1503
00:55:02,614 --> 00:55:03,514
But if you

1504
00:55:03,972 --> 00:55:05,570
if you actually say snake, you know what?

1505
00:55:05,810 --> 00:55:08,387
I'm just gonna keep this to myself, and

1506
00:55:08,446 --> 00:55:09,325
then I'll share it.

1507
00:55:09,980 --> 00:55:12,059
Because you're bolstering your sense of self, your

1508
00:55:12,059 --> 00:55:14,059
self worth and your confidence all at the

1509
00:55:14,059 --> 00:55:14,699
same time.

1510
00:55:16,059 --> 00:55:16,859
I love that.

1511
00:55:17,514 --> 00:55:18,952
Do... Okay. Because I did too, and then

1512
00:55:19,112 --> 00:55:20,231
I was like, I don't know. There's...

1513
00:55:21,110 --> 00:55:23,108
Because I do feel like it's important to

1514
00:55:23,108 --> 00:55:25,186
talk and share and be honest about what

1515
00:55:25,186 --> 00:55:27,433
you're working on but then I do feel

1516
00:55:27,433 --> 00:55:28,069
like there's...

1517
00:55:29,024 --> 00:55:31,649
We do live in this invisible world of

1518
00:55:31,649 --> 00:55:32,524
energy, You know?

1519
00:55:33,494 --> 00:55:33,994
And

1520
00:55:34,454 --> 00:55:35,194
we do

1521
00:55:36,295 --> 00:55:39,194
swim around in this sea of

1522
00:55:39,574 --> 00:55:43,670
of emotions and intentions and thoughts from other

1523
00:55:43,670 --> 00:55:47,190
people and our past experiences and past versions

1524
00:55:47,190 --> 00:55:50,550
of ourselves that are all working together to

1525
00:55:50,550 --> 00:55:53,545
help us manifest our life in in

1526
00:55:53,925 --> 00:55:54,965
every single day.

1527
00:55:55,684 --> 00:55:58,265
And I remember with the other unpublished manuscripts

1528
00:55:58,485 --> 00:56:00,739
I mentioned earlier on in the show. I

1529
00:56:00,739 --> 00:56:02,016
mean, yeah, they did need a lot of

1530
00:56:02,016 --> 00:56:04,171
work, and I did need to focus on

1531
00:56:04,171 --> 00:56:04,730
my writing,

1532
00:56:05,289 --> 00:56:07,285
but I remember I talked about all of

1533
00:56:07,285 --> 00:56:08,663
those books to

1534
00:56:09,041 --> 00:56:09,600
everyone I knew.

1535
00:56:10,494 --> 00:56:12,971
And I started writing the awake dream,

1536
00:56:13,770 --> 00:56:14,750
I didn't tell

1537
00:56:15,369 --> 00:56:17,286
anybody. Like, when I was working on getting

1538
00:56:17,286 --> 00:56:18,585
an agent and

1539
00:56:18,899 --> 00:56:20,646
you know, writing the first book that got

1540
00:56:20,646 --> 00:56:22,974
me the agent, and then I got the

1541
00:56:23,268 --> 00:56:25,334
contract for the awake dream. I didn't talk

1542
00:56:25,334 --> 00:56:25,572
about it.

1543
00:56:26,462 --> 00:56:28,690
Until I had all of it done.

1544
00:56:29,565 --> 00:56:31,554
And I find it interesting that that's the

1545
00:56:31,554 --> 00:56:32,985
book that made it into the world.

1546
00:56:34,590 --> 00:56:36,498
You know, the 1 I didn't share about.

1547
00:56:36,816 --> 00:56:38,962
And again, I feel uncomfortable with that because

1548
00:56:39,121 --> 00:56:41,744
I I never want to believe that anyone

1549
00:56:41,744 --> 00:56:42,244
is

1550
00:56:43,035 --> 00:56:46,155
like, holding me back or holding anyone else

1551
00:56:46,155 --> 00:56:47,994
back, but I don't know. So it just

1552
00:56:47,994 --> 00:56:48,875
it just made me think.

1553
00:56:50,649 --> 00:56:52,879
Well, there's there's a realistic part to that

1554
00:56:52,879 --> 00:56:53,936
as well though

1555
00:56:54,551 --> 00:56:55,051
that,

1556
00:56:55,586 --> 00:56:58,612
you know, people will appropriate things that aren't

1557
00:56:58,612 --> 00:56:58,931
theirs.

1558
00:56:59,984 --> 00:57:02,381
And and that's not being negative, It's being

1559
00:57:02,381 --> 00:57:02,781
honest.

1560
00:57:03,580 --> 00:57:05,578
Mh. So if you've shared... If you had

1561
00:57:05,578 --> 00:57:07,576
shared the whole premise of your book the

1562
00:57:07,576 --> 00:57:09,668
awake dream or what was about and then

1563
00:57:09,668 --> 00:57:11,343
someone said, oh, that's a great idea. And

1564
00:57:11,422 --> 00:57:12,938
I can get it out even faster.

1565
00:57:13,895 --> 00:57:15,490
That would have crushed you and it would

1566
00:57:15,490 --> 00:57:17,882
have really impacted your ability to put your

1567
00:57:17,882 --> 00:57:18,894
second book out.

1568
00:57:21,079 --> 00:57:23,143
And not even that. Like, I remember with

1569
00:57:23,143 --> 00:57:26,161
1 of my other manuscripts what a writing

1570
00:57:26,161 --> 00:57:27,059
friend said

1571
00:57:28,084 --> 00:57:30,573
Oh, you're younger. You can't get published first

1572
00:57:30,630 --> 00:57:31,027
before me.

1573
00:57:32,221 --> 00:57:32,857
Oh my.

1574
00:57:33,414 --> 00:57:35,735
Yeah. I'd You know when you know someone

1575
00:57:35,735 --> 00:57:37,565
said something and they're like, oh, was that

1576
00:57:37,565 --> 00:57:38,520
an outside thought?

1577
00:57:42,350 --> 00:57:43,937
And we just kinda looked at each other

1578
00:57:43,937 --> 00:57:45,523
and I was, like, oh, okay.

1579
00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:48,935
So I don't... I feel like sometimes it's

1580
00:57:48,935 --> 00:57:49,625
just that

1581
00:57:50,142 --> 00:57:53,191
that internal tug that invisible tug of

1582
00:57:53,726 --> 00:57:54,704
of what people

1583
00:57:55,637 --> 00:57:58,447
want and expect from us. And so maybe

1584
00:57:58,758 --> 00:58:01,614
maybe some of the inner self worthiness that

1585
00:58:01,614 --> 00:58:03,065
we're working on or

1586
00:58:03,517 --> 00:58:05,738
the the light that we're trying to grow

1587
00:58:05,738 --> 00:58:06,635
inside of us

1588
00:58:07,025 --> 00:58:09,105
maybe like a see deep in the in

1589
00:58:09,105 --> 00:58:11,585
the dark earth. We we do need to

1590
00:58:11,585 --> 00:58:13,744
keep it secret while we're doing this this

1591
00:58:13,744 --> 00:58:14,704
deep internal work.

1592
00:58:15,599 --> 00:58:16,099
Or

1593
00:58:16,878 --> 00:58:19,834
or keep it close with people that we

1594
00:58:19,834 --> 00:58:22,731
trust and love and who we know will

1595
00:58:23,110 --> 00:58:23,804
encourage us

1596
00:58:24,479 --> 00:58:27,018
to go after the dream? Yeah. Yeah.

1597
00:58:27,653 --> 00:58:29,661
Exactly. It's is a beautiful

1598
00:58:30,034 --> 00:58:32,256
piggyback to the guilt without success.

1599
00:58:32,907 --> 00:58:34,973
On our next episode, we're going to take

1600
00:58:34,973 --> 00:58:38,152
it to the the another level with how

1601
00:58:38,152 --> 00:58:40,083
to cultivate self love

1602
00:58:40,792 --> 00:58:43,262
to work hand in hand with the self

1603
00:58:43,262 --> 00:58:45,732
worth. Can't wait for that show. Thank you

1604
00:58:45,732 --> 00:58:48,137
guys so much for listening. Denise them the

1605
00:58:48,137 --> 00:58:49,489
name of the book we've been discussing 1

1606
00:58:49,489 --> 00:58:53,228
more time? It's by Jamie Ke Lima, and

1607
00:58:53,228 --> 00:58:55,456
it's worthy how to believe here enough and

1608
00:58:55,456 --> 00:58:58,498
transform your life. Perfect. Thank you guys. Have

1609
00:58:58,498 --> 00:59:00,969
a wonderful week and remember as always to

1610
00:59:00,969 --> 00:59:03,520
show up, do great work and share your

1611
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:03,759
light.

1612
00:59:04,397 --> 00:59:04,876
They care.