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comedy4cast is the official podcast of coat racks, precious gemstones,

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and The Great Barrier Reef.

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The comedy4cast Network.

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Let's dog-ear that for now.

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Oh, hi! You're here! Welcome to the show.

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I'm Clinton, and this is comedy4cast, episode 862, Talk Support.

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We're going to be answering some very probing questions submitted by our Patreon supporters.

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But first, a reminder that you too can help support this one-of-a-kind show.

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Head over to Patreon.com and search for comedy4cast.

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All one word with the number 4.

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Or click on the link on the comedy4cast homepage.

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And thank you. Now, let's have some fun.

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Hi, I'm Clinton from comedy4cast. All one word with the number 4.

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I think we just covered all of that. and I'm here today to answer questions

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from the internet. This is Talk Support.

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Gary Lindros asks...

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What would happen if Danny watched a movie before he reviewed it?

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Well, to answer that question, Gary, I told Danny he had to actually sit down and watch a movie.

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And then I had to bribe him 20 bucks to do it. I told him he could have his

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choice from the 10 2026 Oscar Best Picture nominees.

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Of course, looking over the list, Danny thought Bogonia was the story of the

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man who invented sliced deli meats.

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Frankenstein was a sequel to Wolfenstein. Marty Supreme was about a boy who wanted
to be Diana Ross. You know, finally, I just had to pick one for him. So, Danny.

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Hi! Danny Hillcrest here. Yes, I know, Danny.

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Tell me, what did you think of F1 the movie? Very loud!

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Well, it is about Formula One racing. Oh, that's an unsimilarly different kettle

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of corn. I thought it was supposed to be all about one of those weird number

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button keys at the top of my keyboard.

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No, those are function keys, Danny. Is that function to make all the other keys

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on my desktop typing keyboard smaller?

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Because these fingers need room to breathe. The movie, Danny, the
movie. Now that you know what it's about, what did you think of it?

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Well, I liked the fast, fully racing parts. But the subplot about Peter Banning,

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the evil board member trying to take Apex GP away from the character played

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by Javier Bardem, seemed unnecessary.

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With little development until well into the third act, it also felt a bit derivative

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of the classic sports sabotage subplot, which has been executed much better

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in other productions, including the first season of Ted Lasso.

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Well, there's your answer, Gary.

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If Danny actually watched the movies, he'd be pretty much like every other movie

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critic. Arrogant and extremely judgmental.

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Let's switch things up and take a question from Patreon patron Paul Barrie.
When I asked the patrons to submit questions, I said they could be about the

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show in general, various locations, or even that random character from episode X.

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So naturally, Paul's question is, quote, that random character from episode X.

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How does one become a random podcast character, and what is the motivation behind

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your appearance in episode X.

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Fortunately, I was able to locate the individual who played that random character,

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and he recorded this reply.

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Hello, Mr. Paul Barrie.

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I'm so honored that you remember me and my guest starring role.

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You, sir, humble me. As you undoubtedly know, that performance heralded my return

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to the world of entertainment after decades of self-imposed retirement.

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I'm delighted that it made such a lasting impression on you and my otherwise silent legion of fans.

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Now, to the first part of your most intriguing question. How does one become

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a random podcast character?

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It may surprise you to learn that it's a complicated process in this so-called modern age.

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One fraught with intrigue, suspense, and a touch of...

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Mundane. Consider, firstly, I had to be made aware of the so-called gig.

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Of course, under the old studio system, that wasn't an
issue. I would simply walk into the office of Mr. Louis B.

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Mayer, and, after I briefly reminded him who I was,

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he would assign me to a production where I would be the king of England,

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or a dashing young swashbuckler, or he'd hand me a broom and have me sweep up

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his office while modeling one of the outfits being designed for Gloria Dehaven.

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He was a complicated individual, but in this so-called modern age,

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I have to go online and search for opportunities on what we in the business

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refer to as the breakdowns.

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This is where I learned of the casting call that would become my now legendary

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comeback role on comedy4cast.

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Unfortunately, even though I'm the one who found the job, my agent automatically

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wanted 20% straight off the top, which surprised me.

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I didn't know I still had an agent, but I had the last laugh in this instance,

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because you see the gig didn't pay anything. It
seems one does comedy4cast for the exposure.

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I informed my agent that if he wanted an automatic 20% straight off the top,

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he'd have to go to supercuts like everyone else.

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Then I submitted a sample of my work, along with a photo of myself,

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circa 1952. I admit that the headshot was a bit out of date,

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but I simply detest the quality of today's so-called digital cameras.

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They make everything seem so... real.

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Well, after that, I had to drive to Middling Fair three times over the course

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of a month for callbacks.

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Actually, my grandson drove me. He's a good lad, even if he is a bit odd.

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He insists on plugging his automobile into an electric outlet every night,

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as if it were a floor lamp. On my final callback, there were some pretty big

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so-called A-list celebrities sitting in the waiting area, apparently reading for the same part.

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I hesitate to name anyone.

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However, they already have names, like Matt Damon, Pablo Pascal, and Ryan Gosling.

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But I knew that none of that mattered, because I felt so immersed in my character,

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I was able to go into that last reading as if I was living the part.

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I laughed and tossed away the so-called sighs I had been given and improvised,

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much to the surprise of the director's assistant, who was reading the role of

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my scene partner, One General Calamity.

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In fact, I believe it was my quick thinking when the assistant began to have

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a panic attack that really caught the director's attention.

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Long story short, I obviously got the gig, And now I'm hoping that Clinton does

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me the honor of playing the clip that highlights my appearance.

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Attention citizens of Middling Fair, this is General Calamity speaking.

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It's April, which means you should have fled town by now. But if there is anyone still here, be aware.

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Random musical instruments are falling out of the sky. It's unusual, but not for this show.

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Stay alert. What in the name of...

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Hold on a second, soldier. Stop the tank. Yes, sir. You there, citizen.

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Me? Yes, you. Didn't you hear what I just said? You need to be...

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[Piano smashes to the ground.]

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Never mind. Soldier, let's go. Yes, sir.

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[Tank engine starts.]

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As relevant now as it was then. Oh, and in relation to the other part of your

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question, what was the motivation behind my appearance on Comedy Forecast?

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Well, obviously, I'm insane.

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Back to a question from Gary Lindros. And this one should prove quite interesting.

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He asks, what are little wicker baskets really made of? I think I'd better turn

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this one over to the expert.

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Hello, everyone. I'm Abby Falmacher, owner of the Little Wicker Basket Company.

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Little wicker baskets.

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They're everywhere. Hello, Ms. Fallmacher.

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What do you say to Gary, who asks what wicker baskets are really made of?

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I say, what exactly are you implying, Mr.

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Lindros, if that is indeed your real stage name?

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Hold on, I think this is a legitimate question.

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After all, there's no real cargo in cargo pants.

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Why doesn't he ask the owner of the Questionable Materials Container Company about their product?

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Is that a real company? How should I know?

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You'd never find me hanging around

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with riffraff like that. It seems to me you're avoiding the question.

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What are little wicker baskets made of? All right. I guess I should come clean.

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Yes. That would put the question to rest. Don't say put to rest to an old person.

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Sorry. Well, Gary, the truth is our little wicker baskets are made out of the

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leftover material from our primary business.

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Uh, which is? Creating ready-to-use nests for inept birds.

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What? Oh, I know. Everyone thinks birds are all very skilled at taking twigs

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and straw and weaving them into nests.

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But the sad truth is a lot of them are pretty darned incompetent when it comes

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to possessing foundational construction skills.

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Did you know that the average majestic bald eagle couldn't tell you the difference

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between a twig and a bag of googly eyes if its life depended on it?

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I had no idea. And you're saying your company makes the nests for these birds?

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We do. We carry a complete line of nests that are all strategically designed

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to look like the equivalent of abandoned second-grade art projects.

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And that one product line leaves you with enough leftover materials to make

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hundreds of thousands of little wicker baskets? There are roughly 50 billion birds on Earth.

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You do the math, because goodness knows birds can't. Well, thank you, Ms. Fallmacher.

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I'm sure people have been dying to find out about this. Don't say dying to an old person.

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And finally, Paul Barrie also asks, If Comedy Forecast had to be rebooted as

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an instructional VHS from 1989, what would it be teaching, and who would absolutely ruin the lesson?

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This one is interesting because someone on this show actually was in an instructional

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VHS production back in 1989.

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[Tape being loaded into VHS player.]

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And I have the audio right here.

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[Tape plays. Tape hiss. Intro music plays.]

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Hello, new employee. I'm Pete Hunderstondenston, Regional Manager of Personnel,

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and I want to welcome you to the Chess King family.

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As I like to say, when you work at the Chess King, you're more than a pawn.

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[Odd laugh.]

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In fact, you are essential to our success.

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That's why I'm here at store 6211 in Middling Fair to demonstrate how you You

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need to work with your customers, because when it comes to selling,

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it's all about the right opening move.

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[Odd laugh.]

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Here at Chess King, we're all about equality, too.

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We hire dudes and chicks, and we'll prove it by selecting this random employee.

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Excuse me, what's your name, little lady?

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Like Cindy, big doof. Well, Cindy, if you don't mind, I'd like to do some role play with you.

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Whoa.

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Like, go call one of those 1-900 numbers, like all the other freaks.

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No, no, no. I mean, I'm going to pretend to be a customer coming into the store,

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needing some help selecting clothes.

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Like, uh-huh? And you, as the Chess King employee, will help me. Like, whatever.

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But if this gets, like, weird, I'm calling the cops.

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Uh, hello. I am here looking for new threads, as the kids say.

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Like, if the kids are, like, 35 years old? Yes, well, what do you have in dress shirts?

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Like, that depends. Are you going for the poser look?

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The street dealer look? Or the this photo will totally embarrass me 20 years

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from now look. That last one includes suspenders.

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That's what's known as upselling.

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We encourage our employees to make sure that the customer always leaves with

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more than they came in for.

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Like if they came in looking for clothes that last, that might be a hard one

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to pull off. Also, don't try to pull off these clothes.

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They, like, disintegrate.

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How about the jacket? That salmon one. Oh, what can you tell me about this leather jacket?

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Like, I can tell you it's not leather. The closest that that thing ever got

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to a cow is the TCBY shop next door.

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Young lady, this is no way for a Chess King employee to act.

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Like, if you say so. Basically.

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Hey, Cindy. Like, hey, Lenny. And who exactly are you, young man?

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Basically, I'm Lenny Treetop, old dude.

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Basically, I work here. You both work here?

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Like, I don't work here. I'm just, like, giving Lenny a ride home.

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But, basically, I can ring all this up for you before I go.

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It looks like you went for the, basically, I want to look like a record executive

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when I hit the Disco Tonight outfit. That rocks.

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Do you want the optional Wayfarer knockoffs, too? No! I don't want anything!

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Like awesome roleplay, man. Hey, we're headed over to the Swatch store if you

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need to, like, harsh some more mellow.

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Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!

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[Tape ejects from player.]

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That's all the questions for today. Thank you for listening to Talk Support.

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[Show outro music in and under.]

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That about wraps it up. But first, a very special shout-out to the folks who

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help Power comedy4cast, my Patreon patrons,

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including producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic

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podcast, Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20 Megabyte to Doctor Who podcast,

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Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast, Kyle Nishioka, and our newest producer, Brian Martzoff.

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You too can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else.

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Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4,

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on Patreon.com, or simply click on the link on the comedy4cast homepage.

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In this episode, the parts of Abby Falmacher and Cindy were played by Bonnie

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Kenderdine, and the part of the soldier was played by Craig Stepp. Additional voices

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script and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2026. All rights reserved.

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Talk to you again next time. But for now, that's it.

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We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.

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[captioning made possible 
by Clinton typing all this]