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comedy4cast is the
official podcast of printed

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receipts, USB cables, and
baking soda and vinegar volcanoes.

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[imitates exploding volcano]

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The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog-ear that for now.

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♪ Bright intro music ♪

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Oh, hi! You're here. Welcome to the show.

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I'm Clinton, and this is
comedy4cast, Episode 859.

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Future things now.

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We're going to be hearing from someone
who hasn't been on the show for a while.

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And you may even learn a thing or two.

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At the very least, it could give
you some last-minute tech gift ideas.

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But before that, a quick
reminder, you can support

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this spunky little show
by becoming a patron.

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Head over to patreon.com and
search for comedy4cast.

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All one word with the number 4.

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Or click on the link on the
comedy4cast homepage.

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And thank you.

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Now, let's have some fun.

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♪ Bright intro music up and out ♪

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My guest today is someone we've

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had on the show in the past.

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He is someone who has
correctly predicted every major

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technological innovation
over the past 60 years,

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as well as a real clunker,
so-called wireless pants.

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Please welcome back to the
show Dr. Malcolm Edelstein.

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Thanks. It's great to be back. Finally.

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Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it?

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You know, things got a bit
crazy around here for a while.

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What with the change from daylight
saving time to standard time and whatnot.

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It's been 10 years.

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And wow, did that time fly by.

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But I'm sure it gave you
plenty of opportunities to come

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up with some new technological
advances to tell us about.

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Are you still not interested
in those wireless pants?

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No.
Please, doctor.

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I hear they're coming
back into style real soon.

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I'm sure they are.

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But listen, I have to correct you.

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I did miss one or two tech
trends over the years, like AI.

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How could you miss that one?

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Hey, it's not my fault.

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After Furbies came out, I
figured we had learned our lesson.

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But apparently I was wrong.

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All right, let's discuss something else.

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Do not get me started on Teddy Ruxpin.

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No, I wanted to ask, are you still doing
consulting work with tech companies?

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I sure am, which is a great
segue into my first new product.

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I'm sure everyone out there in your audience
is familiar with subscription services.

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Ouch, way too familiar.

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It's like everything is a
subscription these days.

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Exactly.

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That's why a company I
work with has developed a

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solution, superscription,
the subscription subscription.

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Excuse me?

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I know, right?

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They left out the E in superscription.

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I told them no one does
that kind of thing anymore.

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But what can you do?

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They pay the bills, at least as long as
they can secure another round of funding.

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But what is this thing?

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You said it was a subscription subscription?

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For one low, low, vague six or
seven digits price, superscription

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will automatically give you access
to every single subscription thing.

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Meaning?

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Meaning it includes everything.

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Adobe Creative Cloud, Planet
Fitness, PlayStation Plus, plus Disney

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Plus, plus Paramount Plus, plus
Apple Plus, plus Spotify, and Pandora.

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That's still a thing?

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Apparently. Huh. HelloFresh,
FreshBooks, The Book of the Month Club,

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Audible, Dropbox, Dollar Shave Club,
Xfinity, Spectrum, and Optimum Cable TV.

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What about Cox?

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You know, the last time
I was on this show, it

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was mostly work safe
and kind of family friendly.

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No, doctor, I mean Cox Communications.

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Oh, is that a subscription thing?

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It certainly is.

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Then it's in here, and so are
subscriptions to NordVPN, Canva,

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Squarespace, Shopify, and even
TikTok, Instagram, Blue Sky, and Facebook.

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Hold on, doctor, you don't
have to pay for those last four.

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As soon as they hear about superscription,
you will. Daddy needs a new super yacht.

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I do have to admit, that's
a lot of subscriptions.

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You got that right, but not as many
as you get with Superscription Plus.

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Plus?

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That also includes signing
you up for Verizon, AT&T,

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and T-Mobile, along with
your local energy supplier.

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Hold on, hold on. How much does all this cost?

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I can answer that question as soon as
some schmuck actually signs up for this thing.

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Well, it sounds like that's a bit
out of reach for the average person.

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Do you have anything else
that's a bit more reasonable?

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Oh boy, do I.

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That isn't wireless pants?

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Did I mention there are also
wireless Bermuda shorts?

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Doctor, please.

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What about cargo pants?

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You were going to give us some
more down-to-earth tech products?

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Okay, fine. Let's talk about sound.

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First, there were speakers. Very nice.

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Then things got smaller with headphones,
then tiny with earphones, and then earbuds.

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The least descriptive name of them all.

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And now someone has come
up with something even smaller?

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Smaller? Are you kidding?

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Well, I thought... What? You carry
around an electron microscope with

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you wherever you go,
Mr. Fancy Non-Wireless Pants?

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How are you going to find something like that?

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No, we're going big. A company I work
with is introducing the Balaclava Soundstage.

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It covers your whole head. Like this.

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But you can already buy
hats that have Bluetooth

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speakers built into them.
I've had one for years.

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Good for you.
But this thing isn't just a set of headphones.

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It has full Dolby Atmos built right in.
Listen.

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♪ Muffled rock music plays ♪

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In here, I'm surrounded by
64 sets of stereo speakers.

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That's 128 discreet channels
of head-banging sound.

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Right now, there are 36 speakers
pumping up the jam on my neck,

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and 20 more pushing guitar
shreds directly into my chin.

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This thing is giving me a
headache, massaging my

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neck, and flossing my
teeth all at the same time.

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It's like I'm at a concert.

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And I can enhance the experience even
more by putting on these optional glasses.

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They project an image of
the back of someone's head,

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just as if they were standing right up in
front of me, blocking my view of the stage.

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Hey, buddy, sit down and stop singing.

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I didn't pay $300 to see you in concert.

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I don't think this is what
my audience is looking for.

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Okay, then.

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Then how about these?

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Now those look like ordinary earbuds.

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But they have active noise cancellation.

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That's nothing new.

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You didn't let me finish.

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Sorry.

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Apparently, I only get one shot at this
every 10 years. I need to make it count.

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You were saying something
about noise cancellation?

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Right. These have it.
But I told the company I was working with,

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if someone pays for noise
cancellation, they should get it.

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But what happens when there isn't any noise?

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Well, nothing.

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Not with these puppies.

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If there isn't any noise, the
earbuds make this sound.

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[ random alarm sounds ]

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And then automatically cancel it.

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I see.
Well, I think we only have time for one more.

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One more?
That's not even one new product per year.

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Just one more.

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All right, all right.
You sound like my bartender.

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We all know that people
love their cell phones.

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And they're always looking
at them while they're walking.

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Yes, that can be dangerous.

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Not anymore. Announcing directional shoes.

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Excuse me?

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I'm wearing them right now. See?

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Each of my shoes has a small
OLED display built right into it.

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You just pair your phone with your shoes,

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and the display shows these little
arrows pointing which way to go.

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And they can even tell you when to stop,

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when you get to an intersection, or
when you're about to bump into a lamppost.

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Those sound ridiculous.

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And oddly practical.

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Yeah, there's only one little problem.

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People are already hacking them.

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So now they're playing Minecraft on one foot

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and scrolling through
social media on the other.

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I see. Well, thank you-- Oh, I
just got Fortnite to play on this one.

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Now can I get a custom skin for my foot?

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As I was saying, I want
to thank you for coming in

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today, Doctor, is what
it says in the script here.

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And I suppose I won't
be back again until 2035.

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It's a tradition.

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All I can say is don't expect an
invite to be in my Fortnite foot clan.

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And I'm okay with that.

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That about wraps it up.

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But first, a very special shout-out

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to the folks who help power
comedy4cast, my Patreon patrons,

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including producer-level patrons Paul
Barrie from the A Window to the Magic podcast,

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Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20
Megabyte Doctor Who podcast,

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Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast,
and my latest producer, Kyle Nishioka.

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 You too can support comedy4cast
and get episodes

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before everyone else
for as little as $2 a month.

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Just search for comedy4cast, all
one word with the number 4, on patreon.

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com or click on the link on the
comedy4cast homepage.

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Script, voices, and original
music by me, Clinton Alvord.

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Copyright 2025, all rights reserved.

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Talk to you again next time.

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But for now, that's it.

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We're done, done, done, done, done.

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Bye-bye.

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♪ End theme music plays out ♪

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[captioning made possible 
by Clinton typing all this]