The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog ear that for now.
Oh hi, Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season.
Yes, August got away from me because life. So this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days.
For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.
I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting yet totally useless odd news.
And this year, to celebrate the platinum anniversary of comedy4cast,
or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast
episode. So, let's get started with...
Odd News, PAC!
Well, this is the last episode of 2025's Dog Days of Podcasting,
slash Pumpkin Spice Season.
We've laughed, we've cried, we've said, What the hell, that was a real story?
And yes, they all were. You see, I spend months scouring the interwebs looking
for odd news to bring you the very best of the very weirdest.
Unfortunately, I can only cover 30 stories during dog days, even though I've
collected well over 100 articles.
And lots of times, I make a note about a story based on the headline alone.
Does that mean I'm susceptible to clickbait? Click here to find out.
What I like to do on the last day of Odd News is quickly tell you about some
of the stories I didn't cover.
Stories that I picked based on the headline alone.
In fact, that's all I'm going to give you. The headline.
You get to fill in the rest of the story by using the theater in your mind.
And since we just heard him in the classic clip in our last episode,
I've invited everyone's favorite
supervillain, Hyperloop, back to read the headlines for me. Thank you, Mr.
Loop. Oh, you're more than welcome. Anything for my fans. Of course.
The first thing everyone should know is that these stories ran the gamut.
For every intriguing headline, like... Mars rock fetches nearly $5.3 million at auction.
There was one like this, which happened to be found on a British website.
NASA interns stole 15.5 million pounds in lunar rocks to have sex.
On moon! Ha! Now that's the kind of evil I'm talking about!
For every headline that hinted at amazing things like... Chinese researchers
develop innovative, self-cleaning glass.
Or... Cannes red carpet gets second life as handbags, hats, or slippers.
There were an equal number of headlines like this. Estonian supermarket has
a giant rock in the middle of it.
And... The world's stinkiest bird smells like cow manure. Ha ha ha!
Here's one I found that you should be concerned about.
Woman claims ghost she's spoken to for 12 years says the world will end tomorrow.
It's okay. That story is from May 26, 2025.
I found some of the headlines a bit confusing in the way they were written.
This one could mean a building is roaming around near the Embarcadero.
Either that, or it's making a very special guest appearance on an anime series.
Victorian House moves through San Francisco in one piece.
And what about this one? A tourist attraction that jumps out from behind a rock to scare you.
Abandoned Western Village theme park stands frozen in time, startling visitors.
You might wonder if the odd news stories have a kind of trend from year to year.
Well, I haven't been keeping track of that.
I mean, I have a life. But I did notice that this year, a number of stories
did focus on one particular topic.
Toothpaste spill shuts down North Carolina Road. As well as...
Virginia woman with rare allergies hospitalized by mint toothpaste breath.
And this puzzler... Woman catches husband cheating with the help of electric toothbrush.
What the f**k? Sometimes the headline focused on women.
Woman caught transporting pony in backseat of car refuses to pay fine.
Or... Woman hit by a meteorite while having coffee with a friend.
And... Frenchwoman stuck with English accent 11 years after tonsil surgery.
But to be fair, sometimes the guys got the headline treatment.
Man scammed into buying 300 years of gym membership. Plus, British man hasn't
been able to fall asleep for two years.
He should listen to this show. Ha ha ha!
Or this beauty. 55-year-old man elopes with son's fiancée, takes family jewels, and savings.
Kudos to the headline writer for the innuendo. And sometimes the whole family got into the act.
California family sues funeral home after wrong body is placed in uncle's casket.
I'm assuming there are two identical stories out there about that incident.
And then there's this. Family set up fake dental clinic, performed dozens of
procedures using online tutorials.
Simple, but effective. Sometimes the headline told its own little story,
just begging to be turned into a Hallmark movie.
Library book returned after 82 years.
Note says, Grandma won't be able to pay for it anymore. Well then,
Grandma clearly wouldn't be able to take advantage of this one.
You can now buy a $49,000 electric Mercedes-Benz SL300.
For your child. And someday, if they're lucky, that child might be the subject of a headline like this.
Driver stopped in California for using a hand-drawn license plate.
And I leave you here at the end of 2025's Odd News PAC.
Stay tuned for a classic clip. With these three genuine, certified headline
gems submitted with no commentary or follow-up. Dartmouth woman finds strange
single slice of pizza on doorstep.
Ned is a perfectly nice snail, but a rare shell means a doomed love life.
Woman swallows eight live frogs to cure her back pain. Thank you,
Hyperloop. No problem, no problem.
Does this mean I'm a recurring character now? I'll get back to you on that. Eventually.
And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip.
This clip is from a December 2017 episode.
And that's all you need to know.
Hey there, Vince Van Vo here for Everything Must Go-Go, the world's largest
clearinghouse for stuff that must get gone.
The holidays are almost upon us. Or they're already here. Who am I to judge when you celebrate?
But let's dog ear that for now. Here at Everything Must Go-Go,
we still have tons of inventory that we need to move before the end of the year. And we're desperate.
Come in today for deals like this.
Take 75% off our complete selection of men's and women's running shorts,
running mediums, running longs, and running lates, and get 75% off our exclusive
line of Jackson Brown relaxed fit running on empties.
But be careful, the sizes run small.
How about a deal on firewood? Here's an entire cord. I believe it's B minor.
Nope, C major 7th. Come in today and pick it up, because I'm not gonna...
Save $5 on a designer handbag full of actual hands.
It goes great our footlocker full of gloves.
We've got low, low prices on 3K TVs, wireless beach balls, and touchscreen above ground pools.
It's just a shame they ain't waterproof.
Don't miss out on a complete selection of double-pane windows.
Each one is both irregularly shaped and scratched.
Ah, what a set of pains! And save 30% on all fidget spinners.
Come in today and pick up unlimited breadsticks. Hurry, supplies are limited.
Seriously, though, get in here. We're serving free hot chocolate.
I found some Hershey bars in my back pocket.
How about 75% off these bedspreads, silkscreened, with spreadsheets about sheet cakes?
They can be yours. Just $5.99.
We have all your entertainment needs on sale, too. Save on front row seats to see Ed Shearing.
No, not Ed Sheeran. This is Ed, our local farmer friend.
You can sit and watch him shearing sheep all day long.
Looking for something for that sci-fi fan on your list? We'll sell you the plot
to the next Star Wars movie.
Now, technically, it won't be the actual plot, but their friends and YouTube
subscribers won't know that for at least another year.
And save 50% on all fidget spinners.
Save big on a box of pencils, a roll of tape, a stack of paper.
We've got it all. Heck, we'll even sell you staples. The whole company.
And we'll toss in Kmart and Sears just to get them out of here.
Looking for a grab gift? Save on our exclusive, discontinued,
I Hate Friday's coffee mugs.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. While you're here,
pick up a dozen Everything Must Go-Go gift certificates With no value But that's
okay, because no one ever uses these things anyway And save 75% on all fidget spinners.
Take 50% off our selection of self-help courses On how to break your addiction
to self-improvement courses. No!
Pick up some of our stationary drones for the kids And if the kids tell you,
hey, these are just desk fans, eh, they're probably right.
A few years ago, we sold a few thousand soccer balls as do-it-yourself BB-8 kits.
Save on seating for your stand-up desk, triple-ply paper beach towels,
a filter to separate your mixed martial arts, or a baby's arm holding an apple.
And with every purchase, get a dozen free fidget spinners.
Hurry into Everything Must Go-Go today. Don't try to visit our website. We sold it.
It wasn't actually up for sale, but someone made us an offer and, well, we took it.
That's the end of the year spectacular savings blowout now going on at Everything Must Go-Go.
And remember, at Everything Must Go-Go, if it's here, it's gone.
Thanks for listening to this year's Odd News episodes.
If you have a comment, just call
the super-secret phone line at area code 213-290-4451 and leave a message.
Before we wrap things up, a quick shout-out to the comedy4ast Patreon patrons,
including our producer-level patrons Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic
podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20-megabyte Doctor Who podcast.
You too can support comedy4cast
and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month.
Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on Patreon.com.
Script, voices, and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025.
All rights reserved. Talk to you again next time. But for now,
that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.