1 00:00:00,580 --> 00:00:05,000 The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog ear that for now. 2 00:00:06,820 --> 00:00:12,540 Oh hi, Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season. 3 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:19,660 Yes, August got away from me because life. So this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days. 4 00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:24,480 For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com. 5 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:31,880 I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting yet totally useless odd news. 6 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:36,310 And this year, to celebrate the platinum anniversary of comedy4cast, 7 00:00:36,510 --> 00:00:42,130 or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast 8 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,810 episode. So, let's get started with... 9 00:00:46,490 --> 00:00:47,970 Odd News, PAC! 10 00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:54,130 Well, this is the last episode of 2025's Dog Days of Podcasting, 11 00:00:54,410 --> 00:00:55,950 slash Pumpkin Spice Season. 12 00:00:56,130 --> 00:01:00,670 We've laughed, we've cried, we've said, What the hell, that was a real story? 13 00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:05,750 And yes, they all were. You see, I spend months scouring the interwebs looking 14 00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:09,709 for odd news to bring you the very best of the very weirdest. 15 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:14,849 Unfortunately, I can only cover 30 stories during dog days, even though I've 16 00:01:14,849 --> 00:01:17,110 collected well over 100 articles. 17 00:01:17,430 --> 00:01:21,849 And lots of times, I make a note about a story based on the headline alone. 18 00:01:22,110 --> 00:01:26,250 Does that mean I'm susceptible to clickbait? Click here to find out. 19 00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:31,069 What I like to do on the last day of Odd News is quickly tell you about some 20 00:01:31,069 --> 00:01:32,870 of the stories I didn't cover. 21 00:01:33,150 --> 00:01:36,010 Stories that I picked based on the headline alone. 22 00:01:36,350 --> 00:01:39,370 In fact, that's all I'm going to give you. The headline. 23 00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:44,130 You get to fill in the rest of the story by using the theater in your mind. 24 00:01:44,390 --> 00:01:48,310 And since we just heard him in the classic clip in our last episode, 25 00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:50,430 I've invited everyone's favorite 26 00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:55,190 supervillain, Hyperloop, back to read the headlines for me. Thank you, Mr. 27 00:01:55,670 --> 00:02:00,430 Loop. Oh, you're more than welcome. Anything for my fans. Of course. 28 00:02:00,770 --> 00:02:05,050 The first thing everyone should know is that these stories ran the gamut. 29 00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:12,610 For every intriguing headline, like... Mars rock fetches nearly $5.3 million at auction. 30 00:02:12,870 --> 00:02:17,510 There was one like this, which happened to be found on a British website. 31 00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:24,330 NASA interns stole 15.5 million pounds in lunar rocks to have sex. 32 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:29,760 On moon! Ha! Now that's the kind of evil I'm talking about! 33 00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:34,960 For every headline that hinted at amazing things like... Chinese researchers 34 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,500 develop innovative, self-cleaning glass. 35 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:43,300 Or... Cannes red carpet gets second life as handbags, hats, or slippers. 36 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:49,040 There were an equal number of headlines like this. Estonian supermarket has 37 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,900 a giant rock in the middle of it. 38 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:56,780 And... The world's stinkiest bird smells like cow manure. Ha ha ha! 39 00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:59,940 Here's one I found that you should be concerned about. 40 00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:06,120 Woman claims ghost she's spoken to for 12 years says the world will end tomorrow. 41 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,480 It's okay. That story is from May 26, 2025. 42 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:14,600 I found some of the headlines a bit confusing in the way they were written. 43 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:18,900 This one could mean a building is roaming around near the Embarcadero. 44 00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:23,580 Either that, or it's making a very special guest appearance on an anime series. 45 00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:27,980 Victorian House moves through San Francisco in one piece. 46 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:32,940 And what about this one? A tourist attraction that jumps out from behind a rock to scare you. 47 00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:37,940 Abandoned Western Village theme park stands frozen in time, startling visitors. 48 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:42,900 You might wonder if the odd news stories have a kind of trend from year to year. 49 00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:44,960 Well, I haven't been keeping track of that. 50 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:49,580 I mean, I have a life. But I did notice that this year, a number of stories 51 00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:52,360 did focus on one particular topic. 52 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:57,040 Toothpaste spill shuts down North Carolina Road. As well as... 53 00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:01,740 Virginia woman with rare allergies hospitalized by mint toothpaste breath. 54 00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:07,860 And this puzzler... Woman catches husband cheating with the help of electric toothbrush. 55 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:12,180 What the f**k? Sometimes the headline focused on women. 56 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:18,040 Woman caught transporting pony in backseat of car refuses to pay fine. 57 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:22,960 Or... Woman hit by a meteorite while having coffee with a friend. 58 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:30,000 And... Frenchwoman stuck with English accent 11 years after tonsil surgery. 59 00:04:30,339 --> 00:04:33,720 But to be fair, sometimes the guys got the headline treatment. 60 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:39,839 Man scammed into buying 300 years of gym membership. Plus, British man hasn't 61 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,260 been able to fall asleep for two years. 62 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:45,380 He should listen to this show. Ha ha ha! 63 00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:54,020 Or this beauty. 55-year-old man elopes with son's fiancée, takes family jewels, and savings. 64 00:04:54,460 --> 00:05:00,600 Kudos to the headline writer for the innuendo. And sometimes the whole family got into the act. 65 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:06,720 California family sues funeral home after wrong body is placed in uncle's casket. 66 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,960 I'm assuming there are two identical stories out there about that incident. 67 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:16,020 And then there's this. Family set up fake dental clinic, performed dozens of 68 00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:18,460 procedures using online tutorials. 69 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:23,600 Simple, but effective. Sometimes the headline told its own little story, 70 00:05:23,779 --> 00:05:26,399 just begging to be turned into a Hallmark movie. 71 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,500 Library book returned after 82 years. 72 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:34,260 Note says, Grandma won't be able to pay for it anymore. Well then, 73 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,180 Grandma clearly wouldn't be able to take advantage of this one. 74 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:43,779 You can now buy a $49,000 electric Mercedes-Benz SL300. 75 00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:52,850 For your child. And someday, if they're lucky, that child might be the subject of a headline like this. 76 00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:57,810 Driver stopped in California for using a hand-drawn license plate. 77 00:05:58,029 --> 00:06:02,450 And I leave you here at the end of 2025's Odd News PAC. 78 00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:08,370 Stay tuned for a classic clip. With these three genuine, certified headline 79 00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:14,270 gems submitted with no commentary or follow-up. Dartmouth woman finds strange 80 00:06:14,270 --> 00:06:17,510 single slice of pizza on doorstep. 81 00:06:18,110 --> 00:06:24,130 Ned is a perfectly nice snail, but a rare shell means a doomed love life. 82 00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:29,470 Woman swallows eight live frogs to cure her back pain. Thank you, 83 00:06:29,530 --> 00:06:31,690 Hyperloop. No problem, no problem. 84 00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:38,350 Does this mean I'm a recurring character now? I'll get back to you on that. Eventually. 85 00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:45,290 And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip. 86 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,930 This clip is from a December 2017 episode. 87 00:06:49,310 --> 00:06:50,890 And that's all you need to know. 88 00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:58,430 Hey there, Vince Van Vo here for Everything Must Go-Go, the world's largest 89 00:06:58,430 --> 00:07:00,030 clearinghouse for stuff that must get gone. 90 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:14,080 The holidays are almost upon us. Or they're already here. Who am I to judge when you celebrate? 91 00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:17,800 But let's dog ear that for now. Here at Everything Must Go-Go, 92 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:23,720 we still have tons of inventory that we need to move before the end of the year. And we're desperate. 93 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,460 Come in today for deals like this. 94 00:07:27,540 --> 00:07:32,240 Take 75% off our complete selection of men's and women's running shorts, 95 00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:39,160 running mediums, running longs, and running lates, and get 75% off our exclusive 96 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,560 line of Jackson Brown relaxed fit running on empties. 97 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,500 But be careful, the sizes run small. 98 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:51,760 How about a deal on firewood? Here's an entire cord. I believe it's B minor. 99 00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:58,580 Nope, C major 7th. Come in today and pick it up, because I'm not gonna... 100 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:04,780 Save $5 on a designer handbag full of actual hands. 101 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:12,920 It goes great our footlocker full of gloves. 102 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:22,240 We've got low, low prices on 3K TVs, wireless beach balls, and touchscreen above ground pools. 103 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,640 It's just a shame they ain't waterproof. 104 00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:31,220 Don't miss out on a complete selection of double-pane windows. 105 00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:35,520 Each one is both irregularly shaped and scratched. 106 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:42,460 Ah, what a set of pains! And save 30% on all fidget spinners. 107 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:49,700 Come in today and pick up unlimited breadsticks. Hurry, supplies are limited. 108 00:08:50,179 --> 00:08:54,299 Seriously, though, get in here. We're serving free hot chocolate. 109 00:08:54,299 --> 00:08:57,080 I found some Hershey bars in my back pocket. 110 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:04,740 How about 75% off these bedspreads, silkscreened, with spreadsheets about sheet cakes? 111 00:09:05,020 --> 00:09:08,679 They can be yours. Just $5.99. 112 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:16,360 We have all your entertainment needs on sale, too. Save on front row seats to see Ed Shearing. 113 00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:21,600 No, not Ed Sheeran. This is Ed, our local farmer friend. 114 00:09:21,799 --> 00:09:25,480 You can sit and watch him shearing sheep all day long. 115 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:31,360 Looking for something for that sci-fi fan on your list? We'll sell you the plot 116 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,240 to the next Star Wars movie. 117 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:37,960 Now, technically, it won't be the actual plot, but their friends and YouTube 118 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,700 subscribers won't know that for at least another year. 119 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:46,320 And save 50% on all fidget spinners. 120 00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:52,880 Save big on a box of pencils, a roll of tape, a stack of paper. 121 00:09:53,140 --> 00:09:57,980 We've got it all. Heck, we'll even sell you staples. The whole company. 122 00:09:58,299 --> 00:10:02,960 And we'll toss in Kmart and Sears just to get them out of here. 123 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:08,440 Looking for a grab gift? Save on our exclusive, discontinued, 124 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:10,840 I Hate Friday's coffee mugs. 125 00:10:11,059 --> 00:10:14,760 It seemed like a good idea at the time. While you're here, 126 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:20,860 pick up a dozen Everything Must Go-Go gift certificates With no value But that's 127 00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:29,440 okay, because no one ever uses these things anyway And save 75% on all fidget spinners. 128 00:10:30,820 --> 00:10:36,240 Take 50% off our selection of self-help courses On how to break your addiction 129 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,760 to self-improvement courses. No! 130 00:10:39,140 --> 00:10:43,040 Pick up some of our stationary drones for the kids And if the kids tell you, 131 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:46,600 hey, these are just desk fans, eh, they're probably right. 132 00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:51,840 A few years ago, we sold a few thousand soccer balls as do-it-yourself BB-8 kits. 133 00:10:54,380 --> 00:10:59,580 Save on seating for your stand-up desk, triple-ply paper beach towels, 134 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:05,380 a filter to separate your mixed martial arts, or a baby's arm holding an apple. 135 00:11:05,820 --> 00:11:09,860 And with every purchase, get a dozen free fidget spinners. 136 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:17,240 Hurry into Everything Must Go-Go today. Don't try to visit our website. We sold it. 137 00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:22,280 It wasn't actually up for sale, but someone made us an offer and, well, we took it. 138 00:11:22,940 --> 00:11:29,160 That's the end of the year spectacular savings blowout now going on at Everything Must Go-Go. 139 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:34,280 And remember, at Everything Must Go-Go, if it's here, it's gone. 140 00:11:37,299 --> 00:11:40,620 Thanks for listening to this year's Odd News episodes. 141 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,840 If you have a comment, just call 142 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:50,240 the super-secret phone line at area code 213-290-4451 and leave a message. 143 00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:55,340 Before we wrap things up, a quick shout-out to the comedy4ast Patreon patrons, 144 00:11:55,740 --> 00:12:00,420 including our producer-level patrons Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic 145 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:05,580 podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20-megabyte Doctor Who podcast. 146 00:12:05,820 --> 00:12:08,280 You too can support comedy4cast 147 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:12,920 and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. 148 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:19,360 Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on Patreon.com. 149 00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:25,540 Script, voices, and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025. 150 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:29,700 All rights reserved. Talk to you again next time. But for now, 151 00:12:30,020 --> 00:12:32,880 that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.