The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog-ear that for now.
Hi, Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season.
Yes, August got away from me because life. So this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days.
For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.
I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting,
yet totally useless, odd news.
And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast,
or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast
episode. So, let's get started with...
Odd News PAC!
Lexus Automobiles. A symbol of luxury for well over three decades.
With innovations like ceiling air diffusers, telematics services,
and electroluminescent optitron gauges.
Whatever the heck any of those things are. Well, now you can add one more feature to that list.
Because Lexus has joined forces with luxury appliance maker Monogram to create
the appropriately named Lexus Monogram GX.
This luxury sports utility vehicle, or SUV as the kids call it,
features two-tone camel leather with a custom pattern throughout the interior.
There is an emphasis on brass and titanium metal and Denton Slate Stone accents.
You know, just what you need in a class of automobile designed to be a jack-of-all-trades.
So toss in those 2x4s from Home Depot and let's go.
But where was I? Ah, yes. All that pales in comparison to the key feature of the Monogram GX.
Because once you get past all the fancy car stuff, you'll find some fancy appliance stuff.
Namely, a handcrafted 30-inch hearth oven that runs on electricity.
That's right, there's a pizza oven in this SUV.
But what good is pizza without a bottle of wine? Fortunately,
the Lexus Monogram GX also includes a rear cold drawer and an additional cold
console compartment to add the flexibility to have the chilling space you need
for ingredients and wine.
But what good is all that without the proper table settings?
Not to worry. The built-in plating stations feature cutlery and trash storage
areas inside the trunk of the GX.
There's no word on the exact price of the Lexus Monogram GX,
but how can you even begin to put a price on a vehicle you can practically live in?
Maybe down by the river, drinking a bottle of sad wine or eating your pizza
pie with your greasy hand on the steering wheel and tossing your trash into the trunk?
Oh, rich people, you are clearly so much better than the rest of us.
And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip.
This clip, from June of 2006, played off the fact that it was graduation season.
So I dusted off my Marx Brothers impressions.
I think my Harpo was spot on. And imagined Groucho as Professor Rufus T.
Serenity, giving the commencement at his college.
Professor, you must address the students. They are waiting for your learned words of inspiration.
Let them wait. Can't you see what I'm trying to say, Mildred?
I love you. As long as you're as rich as Oprah.
Actually, looking at you, I think you swallowed Oprah. Your display of affection
is most unprofessional.
Of course it's unprofessional. If I wanted to be a professional,
do you think I would have come to this college? Speaking of which,
I must address the students.
Dear class of... What year is this?
Really? How time flies when you're increasing tuition.
Ah, as I gaze upon you all in your graduation attire, I'm reminded of how proud I am.
Of the fact that I own a cap-and-gown rental company. In by ten, out in four years.
Hey, you rented those things? This is no time for a business lesson,
Riggatoni. Now beat it. What do you call those things on their heads?
Those square things? That's it.
I know I'm going to regret this, but they're called mortarboards.
That's a pretty good deal, huh? How's that? After the show, they can put them in their computers.
Come again? You know, you get the graphics card, the sound card,
and the mortarboard. It's my fault. I should have told them they were Flat Stanleys.
Now, where was I? Oh, yes.
Students, as you head out into the world, remember, keep your eyes on your dream,
keep your feet on the path, keep your nose to the grindstone,
and keep your medical insurance up to date.
Speaking of dates, what's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?
I'd even settle for some lemonade.
We gotta no lemonade. How'd you like some financial aid? Oh, no.
I got roped into that the first four times I went to college.
You can't trick me again. Yeah, you're too smart for that. Right, Dusty?
I can get you a little something for that, just as soon as I graduate from medical
school. Hey, I hear that's pretty expensive.
You're right. I'll need financial aid. Can you hook me up? No,
I'm sorry. I'm out of that business now. Oh, what do you do these days?
I'm a ghostwriter for graduation speeches. I think we all saw that one coming.
Professor, the students are becoming restless. Have them all think about the
fact they're all going to have to look for a real job now. That ought to keep them quiet.
So, uh, how much would you charge me for a graduation speech?
Normally it's $2,000. But for you, I get a special. $5,000.
That's your special deal, huh? Yeah, I don't offer that to everyone.
I'll give you $1.95 and my dining hall pass. Done. Here you go.
Uh, there's nothing on this paper. That's okay. Nobody she's listening anyway.
Rigatoni, I think you're onto something. So in conclusion, I'd like to remind
all of you that alumni dues are payable before you get your diploma.
Make the check out to me, and I'll make sure the funds are misappropriated as
soon as possible. Hooray!
That about wraps it up for today's Odd News Pack.
But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons,
including our producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic
podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20-megabyte Doctor Who podcast.
You, too, can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else
for as little as $2 a month.
Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on Patreon.com.
Lending their voice in this episode was Bonnie Kenderdine.
Additional voices, script, and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025.
All rights reserved. Talk to you again next time. But for now,
that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.