1 00:00:00,020 --> 00:00:05,000 The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog-ear that for now. 2 00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:13,280 Hi, Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season. 3 00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:20,420 Yes, August got away from me because life. So this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days. 4 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:25,260 For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com. 5 00:00:25,260 --> 00:00:30,020 I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting, 6 00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:32,799 yet totally useless, odd news. 7 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:37,100 And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, 8 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:43,500 or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast 9 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,720 episode. So, let's get started with... 10 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:48,720 Odd News PAC! 11 00:00:50,140 --> 00:00:54,480 Lexus Automobiles. A symbol of luxury for well over three decades. 12 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:59,240 With innovations like ceiling air diffusers, telematics services, 13 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,280 and electroluminescent optitron gauges. 14 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:07,480 Whatever the heck any of those things are. Well, now you can add one more feature to that list. 15 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:12,160 Because Lexus has joined forces with luxury appliance maker Monogram to create 16 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,440 the appropriately named Lexus Monogram GX. 17 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:19,780 This luxury sports utility vehicle, or SUV as the kids call it, 18 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:23,700 features two-tone camel leather with a custom pattern throughout the interior. 19 00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:28,340 There is an emphasis on brass and titanium metal and Denton Slate Stone accents. 20 00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:32,620 You know, just what you need in a class of automobile designed to be a jack-of-all-trades. 21 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,660 So toss in those 2x4s from Home Depot and let's go. 22 00:01:35,980 --> 00:01:41,360 But where was I? Ah, yes. All that pales in comparison to the key feature of the Monogram GX. 23 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:46,500 Because once you get past all the fancy car stuff, you'll find some fancy appliance stuff. 24 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,660 Namely, a handcrafted 30-inch hearth oven that runs on electricity. 25 00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:54,700 That's right, there's a pizza oven in this SUV. 26 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:58,220 But what good is pizza without a bottle of wine? Fortunately, 27 00:01:58,540 --> 00:02:03,760 the Lexus Monogram GX also includes a rear cold drawer and an additional cold 28 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:08,300 console compartment to add the flexibility to have the chilling space you need 29 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,880 for ingredients and wine. 30 00:02:10,060 --> 00:02:13,300 But what good is all that without the proper table settings? 31 00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:18,199 Not to worry. The built-in plating stations feature cutlery and trash storage 32 00:02:18,199 --> 00:02:20,560 areas inside the trunk of the GX. 33 00:02:20,660 --> 00:02:24,180 There's no word on the exact price of the Lexus Monogram GX, 34 00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:28,919 but how can you even begin to put a price on a vehicle you can practically live in? 35 00:02:29,020 --> 00:02:32,900 Maybe down by the river, drinking a bottle of sad wine or eating your pizza 36 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:36,900 pie with your greasy hand on the steering wheel and tossing your trash into the trunk? 37 00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:41,220 Oh, rich people, you are clearly so much better than the rest of us. 38 00:02:41,940 --> 00:02:47,580 And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip. 39 00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:53,139 This clip, from June of 2006, played off the fact that it was graduation season. 40 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,440 So I dusted off my Marx Brothers impressions. 41 00:02:55,680 --> 00:03:00,860 I think my Harpo was spot on. And imagined Groucho as Professor Rufus T. 42 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,820 Serenity, giving the commencement at his college. 43 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:11,940 Professor, you must address the students. They are waiting for your learned words of inspiration. 44 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,880 Let them wait. Can't you see what I'm trying to say, Mildred? 45 00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:17,920 I love you. As long as you're as rich as Oprah. 46 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:23,180 Actually, looking at you, I think you swallowed Oprah. Your display of affection 47 00:03:23,180 --> 00:03:24,980 is most unprofessional. 48 00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:28,100 Of course it's unprofessional. If I wanted to be a professional, 49 00:03:28,420 --> 00:03:31,000 do you think I would have come to this college? Speaking of which, 50 00:03:31,140 --> 00:03:32,360 I must address the students. 51 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,600 Dear class of... What year is this? 52 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,800 Really? How time flies when you're increasing tuition. 53 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:45,800 Ah, as I gaze upon you all in your graduation attire, I'm reminded of how proud I am. 54 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:50,620 Of the fact that I own a cap-and-gown rental company. In by ten, out in four years. 55 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:54,840 Hey, you rented those things? This is no time for a business lesson, 56 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,900 Riggatoni. Now beat it. What do you call those things on their heads? 57 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,160 Those square things? That's it. 58 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:04,300 I know I'm going to regret this, but they're called mortarboards. 59 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:10,260 That's a pretty good deal, huh? How's that? After the show, they can put them in their computers. 60 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:14,580 Come again? You know, you get the graphics card, the sound card, 61 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:18,660 and the mortarboard. It's my fault. I should have told them they were Flat Stanleys. 62 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,880 Now, where was I? Oh, yes. 63 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:26,260 Students, as you head out into the world, remember, keep your eyes on your dream, 64 00:04:26,380 --> 00:04:29,920 keep your feet on the path, keep your nose to the grindstone, 65 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,120 and keep your medical insurance up to date. 66 00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:35,779 Speaking of dates, what's a guy got to do to get a drink around here? 67 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:37,660 I'd even settle for some lemonade. 68 00:04:38,180 --> 00:04:41,620 We gotta no lemonade. How'd you like some financial aid? Oh, no. 69 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,000 I got roped into that the first four times I went to college. 70 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:49,380 You can't trick me again. Yeah, you're too smart for that. Right, Dusty? 71 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:53,540 I can get you a little something for that, just as soon as I graduate from medical 72 00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:56,140 school. Hey, I hear that's pretty expensive. 73 00:04:56,620 --> 00:05:00,180 You're right. I'll need financial aid. Can you hook me up? No, 74 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:04,020 I'm sorry. I'm out of that business now. Oh, what do you do these days? 75 00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:08,200 I'm a ghostwriter for graduation speeches. I think we all saw that one coming. 76 00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:13,380 Professor, the students are becoming restless. Have them all think about the 77 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:16,480 fact they're all going to have to look for a real job now. That ought to keep them quiet. 78 00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:20,260 So, uh, how much would you charge me for a graduation speech? 79 00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:25,160 Normally it's $2,000. But for you, I get a special. $5,000. 80 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,040 That's your special deal, huh? Yeah, I don't offer that to everyone. 81 00:05:29,339 --> 00:05:33,880 I'll give you $1.95 and my dining hall pass. Done. Here you go. 82 00:05:34,779 --> 00:05:39,399 Uh, there's nothing on this paper. That's okay. Nobody she's listening anyway. 83 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:43,640 Rigatoni, I think you're onto something. So in conclusion, I'd like to remind 84 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:47,140 all of you that alumni dues are payable before you get your diploma. 85 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:51,040 Make the check out to me, and I'll make sure the funds are misappropriated as 86 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:52,680 soon as possible. Hooray! 87 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,860 That about wraps it up for today's Odd News Pack. 88 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:03,720 But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons, 89 00:06:04,020 --> 00:06:08,800 including our producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic 90 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:13,980 podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20-megabyte Doctor Who podcast. 91 00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:18,920 You, too, can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else 92 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,260 for as little as $2 a month. 93 00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:27,680 Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on Patreon.com. 94 00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:31,220 Lending their voice in this episode was Bonnie Kenderdine. 95 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:37,460 Additional voices, script, and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025. 96 00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:42,180 All rights reserved. Talk to you again next time. But for now, 97 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:45,320 that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.