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The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog-ear that for now.

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It's time once again for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to

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try to put out a podcast every day in August.

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For more information, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

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We always take this month to provide you with some interesting,

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yet totally useless, odd news.

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And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast,

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or PAC for short, we'll end each Dog Day episode with part of a classic comedy4cast episode.

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So, let's get started with Odd News, PAC!

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Northern California rancher Mary Rickert has a problem.

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She's the owner of Prather Ranch, a sustainable and environmentally friendly beef operation.

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But her cattle herd is shrinking, not from some strange genetic mutation or

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evil scientist's nefarious shrink ray.

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It's because of wolves.

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Gray wolves, to be specific, that are wreaking havoc on Rickert's and other ranchers' livestock.

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Rickert says that it's as if the wolves were treating her calves like a drive-thru

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at Burger King, possibly implying that the wolves have learned how to operate motor vehicles.

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Please pull your pack forward to the next window.

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It's difficult to deal with the gray wolves because they are endangered,

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meaning it's illegal to harm them.

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I'm not even sure you can take away their driver's licenses.

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But don't worry, the U.S.

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Department of Agriculture has come up with a plan, and it involves drones.

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Hey, at least it's not AI. But these are no ordinary drones.

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These are wolf-annoying drones that are outfitted with special equipment,

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starting with sophisticated thermal cameras.

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That can spot the wolves lurking in the darkness, even if they have their cell phones turned off.

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Once they're spotted, the drone's powerful spotlight kicks on.

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Fun fact, wolves are notoriously afraid of spotlights. It's why you don't see them on Broadway.

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Wall Street, maybe, but never on the great right way.

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And even if the spotlight doesn't drive the wolves back into the woods,

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not to be confused with the Stephen Sondheim musical Into the Woods,

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which obviously no real wolf has ever starred in because of the whole spotlight thing,

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even if the lights don't work, the drone has one more trick up its wing. A loudspeaker.

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The auditory salvo begins with the sounds of fireworks.

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And gunshots. If that's still not enough, then it's on to stage two,

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which includes blasting out teeth-rattlers like ACDC's 1990 rock anthem, Thunderstruck.

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Which we obviously don't have the budget to license.

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And if the wolves are still hanging around, the drone proceeds to stage three,

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the non-nuclear nuclear option, the ultimate weapon, the big one.

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The audio from Scarlett Johansson's and Adam Driver's epic yelling match in

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the 2019 film Marriage Story, which again, we don't have clearance to play. But it's true.

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In one case, these drones were deployed in an area in Oregon where 11 cows had

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been killed by wolves in a 20-day period.

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After 85 days of the drone's booming recordings, only two cows were killed.

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But this strategy does have a downside.

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Not a single gray wolf bought a ticket to see Jurassic World rebirth this summer.

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They want nothing to do with Johansson.

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And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy forecast with this classic clip.

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This clip is from the April 18, 2009 episode.

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In it, I have best Jake Filbuster to tone down his act and deliver a simple commentary.

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And now, That's My View with Jake Filbuster!

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Who is that person? So, it would appear that my editorial this time is a request

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from Scott that veers about zombies in today's society.

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Oh, I know what you're thinking. This is going to be some hyperbole-filled piece

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about how we need to panic when it comes to zombies.

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Or it's going to be another sympathy ploy. Oh, we need to save the Texas prairie zombie.

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Not on your life. I think zombies are, for the lack of a better term, a dying breed.

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They're just all wrong for today's fast-paced society.

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Let's face it. They're slower than my grandmother's rascal scooter. In reverse.

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Uphill. I mean, have you ever tried to let one of them cross the street in front of you?

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Ugh, it's take one step, stop, pick up arm, take one step, stop,

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put shoulder back in socket.

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The only thing worse is seeing them at the annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

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They may as well wear yellow shirts that say Speed Bump on them.

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Speaking of which, zombies also lack the fashion sense to make it today.

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Sure, Zombie Murrah's flannel shirt overalls and clogs may have looked great in 1998,

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but wearing the same outfit every single day for over a decade,

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no matter how torn, dirty, and stinky it is, isn't winning you any points with the living.

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It will just allow you to go undetected at most sci-fi conventions.

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Now, lest you think I'm completely anti-zombie, let me tell you that I tried to hire a zombie once.

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Things were going relatively well until we got to those last few checkboxes.

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U.S. citizen.

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Grrrr. Check. Male or female. Grrrr. Best guess then!

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Grr. Check. Dead or alive?

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Grr. I'm sorry, there's no checkbox for undead. Either you're dead or you're alive.

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Grr. Look, do you want this job or not? Pick a side and run with it.

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In the end, I hired an ogre.

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So I say the days or nights of the living dead are numbered.

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That's my view. I'm Jake Filbuster.

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There. How was that? That wasn't what I needed at all. Oh, sorry.

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Hey, but I have good news for you. Giles called from the front desk.

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Apparently a bunch of your fans are down in the lobby waiting for you.

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Ah, they must want my autograph.

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No. They said something about brains.

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That can't be good. Lucky I have plenty to spare. Now, where is that ogre of mine?

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That about wraps it up for today's Odd News PAC.

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But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons,

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including our producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic

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podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20-megabyte Doctor Who podcast.

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You, too, can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else

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for as little as $2 a month.

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Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on Patreon.com.

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Script, voices, and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025. All rights reserved.

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Talk to you again next time. But for now, that's it. We're done,

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done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.

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Music.