Music. The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog ear that for now.
Oh, hi, Clinton here. Welcome to my show, comedy4cast, episode 827.
It's time for a tradition here on the show. Danny Hillcrest is going to give
us the 411 on this summer's biggest movies.
But it might be more of a case of 404, facts not found.
Enjoy the show. I'll be back a bit later. And the elephant was completely unharmed
Which is more than can be said for the other players on the pickup basketball
team And now, with that feel-good story over Sadly,
it's time for Danny Hillcrest's Earful of Noise Wow, Buzz, that's the nearingly
closest you've ever come to getting the name of my segment right I love it!
But right now, it's time for... Danny Hillcrest Summertime Summer 2025 Movie
Preview Reviews Sponsored by Smellz-a-Lot Hand Soap Not recommended for use on living organisms,
Walloping Walter Cronkite How are they still sponsoring you?
You never watch these movies And they never watch this show I am suddenly very
jealous of their good fortune Then let's get started!
First up on this summertime cabana tentpole list of big-budget films is a movie
inspired by SpongeBob SquarePants.
Of course, I mean...
28 years later. This movie premieringly opens on June 20th, a whole two weeks
before theme parks start their Halloween events.
It features zombies, a killer virus, and, scariest of all, English accents without subtitles. Ooh!
To give you an English breakfast taste, I've created this non-clip clip.
Control room, don't you dare run that... Run that clip!
Huh. You know, secluded here, it's hard to believe how the world is in shambles,
Andy. I mean, it all just feels like some bonkers nightmare.
Right you are, Tam. But I do wonder, after all this time, has the world finally
given that bugger rage virus the royal boot into the Thames?
Egad, you're right as rainy bangers and mash, it must have.
After all, it's been 28 years.
Yes, about that. Has it been, Tam?
Yes, this right here now is 28 years later than...
Well, then, before. No, my dear Tam, I don't reckon so.
I mean, this whole bloody business started from 2002.
I remember that because I had just started my cricket lessons.
As I recall, you were quite extraordinary at playing Hail Britannia by rubbing
your hind legs together.
Quite, but my point is this. 2002 was just 23 years ago, Greenwich Mean Time. Now, now, Andy.
Keep calm and carry a bumpershoot. I tell you something is afoot, and I don't mean my feet.
23 instead of 28?
Madness! Has someone gone and
thrown a spanner wrench into the very scratchable fabric of time itself?
Tam, do you remember back when it was 28 weeks later?
Yes? Well, here's the odd thing about that. That was 2007, a jolly good 254 weeks later than 2002.
And I bloody well know because I did the maths. All of them.
254 weeks? That's like 127 fortnights. Dip that stale crumpet into your Earl Grey tea.
Steady on. Don't get your knickers in a bag of crisps, Andy.
And did you know that when it was supposedly 28 days later, those two actors,
Cillian Murphy and Christopher Eccleston, were faffing about in London while
things were going pear-shaped in Sussex? No!
I don't remember anything of... Yes, Prime Minister, that's it!
Eccleston! He's a right-said friend at Time Lord! He is behind all this!
I don't think... Oh, you fancy it could be Cillian?
On some rum-do-barbenheimer-I-am-death-destroyer-of-weeks romp? No.
You mock my words, Tam. As surely as Piccadilly Circus, it all comes round to
it being the doctor from the ready, steady start.
Oh, damn you, Russell T. Davies, you and the British BBC Corporation.
And if you still think I'm as mad as the haberdashery hatter, ponder this.
Eccleston once guessed it on an episode of that Yank Sarah Silverman series on the telly.
And what was his character name, you ask? Well, I'll tell you, I reply. Dr. Rage.
Rage! Just like the virus! Blimey! It was under our stiff upper lips the whole time, Tam!
Now I must hunt down the doctor and ferry him back to Gallifrey to face the
music, and not some catchy Mersey beat skiffle tune.
Oh no, this level of skullduggery demands a full-on performance by the Royal Philhar- ...
Right!
Oh, Bobbies are your uncles. Looks like that rage virus is still around.
Hillcrest, that's not scary. It's insipid. Oh, I thought it was English. My bad.
Next, on July 11th, look to the skies.
Then look down because you're in a movie theater watching the latest ACDC reboot
of The Man of Steel, Superman.
This never-before-heard non-clip
clip will give you an idea of what this one is all about. Probably.
From Director James Gunn.
Music.
Gee willikers, Superman, you saved us from that alien invasion.
Oh, it's all in a day's work, Jimmy.
Now back to the Daily Planet to write this up.
Superman saved Metropolis, but his greatest challenge is yet to come.
Kent, what are you doing here? I'm just about to turn in my story on the Dimension X invasion.
Yeah, about that. Turns out the entire internet beats you to it, Kent.
My intern tells me it's already a trending meme.
Whatever the hell that is. Can even the Man of Steel make a major metropolitan
newspaper feel relevant in the 21st century?
Oh, by the way, Kent, you're fired.
I need you to clear out your desk by five. We're renting out the newsroom space
as an Airbnb or something.
Too close to home, Hillcrest. By the way, were you ever tested for persistent cranial vacancy?
Because that would answer a lot of questions about how...
Just a moment. We appear to have breaking news. We now go live to...
Danny Hillcrest? Thanks, Buzz. I need to interrupt this summer movie preview
review to talk about Smellz-a-Lot hand soap. Control room?
What are you doing? Did you know that four out of five doctors agree that Smellz-A-Lot
hand soap should be part of your household supplies?
For what? Rat bait? Did you sneak a look at my notes, Buzz?
And remember, always treat Smellz-A-Lot hand soap with respect,
because it has a long memory.
Trust me on this one. Now, back to the movies!
It's the Fantastic Four First Steps With a title like that, I expectantly figured
this one was going to be kind of like a Marvel Muppet Babies But the trailer
made me change my mind And if you need changing,
maybe my exclusive Not the Trailer trailer will help you.
The 1960s, a turbulent mid-century point in history marked by political unrest,
the free love generation, and, according to the trailer for this movie,
a decade plagued by an ever-present funky yellow ochre haze.
It was as if, to quickly convey a bygone time, some editing whiz simply slapped
a stock Tarantino filter on all the footage.
Everybody's a critic. But this movie isn't about some hack with access to far
too many Adobe Premiere color luts.
It's about four remarkable heroes.
Let's meet them now, starting with Reed Richards, a.k.a.
Mr. Fantastic, A man with the ability to stretch himself beyond the bounds of any sense of logic.
A lot like the second season of Heroes.
His signature catchphrase? Whoa, that's a stretch!
Next, the alliterative wife of Reed Richards, Sue Storm, a.k.a. the Invisible Woman.
Her ability to disappear at will made her the inspiration for the term ghosting.
As well as that weird, invisible woman plastic model kit. Oh,
you know the one I'm talking about.
It had clear plastic skin, and you could see all the guts inside.
Yuck! No guts, no glory!
Which brings us to the somehow not alliterative brother of Sue Storm, Johnny Storm, a.k.a.
The Human Torch.
A man with the ability to spontaneously combust. I knew that was a real thing.
Never did his ability to flame on come in handier than during the 2020 Summer
Olympics, when he was able to light up and carry himself along the torch route. Go me!
Sadly, no one texted Johnny to tell him that the games were postponed until 2021. They ghosted me!
And last, but alphabetically not so much, is Ben Grimm, a.k.a.
The Thing, a super-dense superhero.
I rock.
Remember, don't take me for granite.
Come on, they can't all be gems. The Thing, the hero with a moniker so bland,
it proves that even Marvel can run out of character names.
What did you say? These then are the members of the Fantastic Four,
a team that gained their powers from exposure to cosmic rays while traveling
in space, a team that failed to stick the theatrical landing in 2005.
And 2007. And 2015.
The Fantastic Four. A team whose very name says, that's right, we're a clique.
Now go away and sit at your own lunch table, loser.
That's it. It's clobbering time.
Ooh! Not the face!
And that is the news. This is Buzz. Wait, Buzz. I'm not done yet. Well, I am.
If you want to say anything more about these summer movies, say it before the theme ends.
Oh, the new remake of I Know What You Did Last Summer still doesn't know what I did.
No one must ever know. You're running out of time, Hillcrest.
The Naked Gun continues in a reboot that's a sequel to a movie franchise that
started as a TV series. I have a whole bulletin board full of red string about it.
That's what I did last summer. Faster!
There's a movie called F1 coming out. Why not? If they can make only do one
about emojis, why not one about a key on your keyboard?
You're not going to make it.
There's another Smurfs movie coming out. Why the Smurf are they smurfingly doing this to us?
And both Freakier Friday and Jurassic World Rebirth ask the same question.
How is any of this getting us back into theaters?
Disclaimer. In case you hadn't already guessed it, Danny rarely sees the movies he previews or reviews.
He gets all his information from movie trailers, so his information is usually way off.
Although there have been times when... But that's a story for another episode.
In this episode, the parts of Tam and Sue Storm were played by Bonnie Kanderdean,
and the parts of the editor and the conspiracy guy were played by Scott Morris
of the Disney Indiana podcast at DisneyIndiana.com.
Additional voices, as well as story and music, are by me, Clinton Alvord.
Copyright 2025. All rights reserved.
A word about our next episode in a moment. But first, a shout out to the comedy4cast
Patreon patrons, including our producer-level patron,
Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast.
You can support the show and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month.
Just go to patreon.com and search for comedy4cast.
That's all one word with the number 4.
In our next episode, Lenny Treetop is back with what he describes as a whole
new podcasting format. Interesting.
But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.