The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.
Clinton here, and welcome to my show. This is comedy4cast, episode 791.
Danny Hillcrest previews 2024's hot summer movies.
Brought to you by Steve, Howard, Kreg, Zach, and my other amazing Patreon patrons.
Thank you! To become a patron yourself, self and help me do what I do,
plus get episodes before everyone else, go to patreon.com slash comedy4cast.
All one word with the number four. And stick around after this episode for, uh, after the episode.
Okay, on with the show.
Turning to sports, our own middling fair cul-de-sacs won another game on the road last night.
The game was called early when the umpire had to leave to make a Door Dash delivery.
No word yet on how big the tip was. And now with that out of the way,
it's time for a special investigative report by yours truly,
Buzz Scoop Cracker Jack Thomas, Ace Investigative Field Reporter for the Middling
Fair, Courier Times, Roman Bold Italic.
I've spent the last six months investigating the shady underworld of greeting cards.
How many of them actually contain greetings? Happy birthday?
Not a greeting. You're retiring?
Not a greeting. This story will blow the lid off the...
Ladies and gentlemen, I've just received word that my segment is being bumped
for something more critical.
Walloping Walter Cronkite. What could be more important?
Hi, Danny Hillcrest here. No time for you tonight, Hillcrest.
Something important is coming up. I love it, because it's me,
Danny Hillcrest, with...
Danny Hillcrest's Sizzling Summer, Summer 2024 Movie Preview Reviews.
How is this more important than my hard-boiled journalist-style investigative
report? port. Wow, Buzz.
I didn't know you also had a cooking show.
Besides, when the new Low Channel, now with more of everything,
permanently shelved that movie of yours last year, I thought you were going
to wash your hands of all this Tinseltown tripe. Me too, Buzz.
But every time I tried to get my clean hands out, random clickbait headlines kept pulling me back in.
And then I'd have to wash my hands again. That's also why I want to welcomely
greet my new sponsor, Smellz-A-Lot Hand Soap.
But first, let's get started with... No! You just played that!
Danny Hillcrest's Sizzling Summer 2024 Movie Preview Reviews!
Sponsored by Smellz-A-Lot hand soap. Now, with active ingredients.
I'm going to do what the kids these days do and text upper management right now.
How do I get this thing to make capital letters? There are so many summer movies
and films and motion pictures to cover this summer, I decided to narrowcast
a wide net and cover just one kind of film.
That rare Hollywood movie type, the sequel.
I'll tell you when I want you to correct my spelling, phone. I say that word has one P.
First up, on May 10th, get ready for a one-two combo punch of movie theme plots
with Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes.
This movie will have all the complicated relationships of King Kong and all
the non-stop action of The Crown.
It's Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes!
Just when you thought this franchise had flung its last piece of shot footage
at the screen, Kingdom of the Rising Planet of the Apes is back with a twist
that you won't see coming.
Unless you've ever seen any of the other Kingdom of the Returning Dawn of the
Planet of the Apes movies.
In fact, check out this exclusive clip. Hang on, Hillcrest.
All the major studios have banned you from using their clips. You're right, Buzz.
And that means now I can make up my own.
In this one, apes are still hunting human being people, but something has changed.
Now they have all the proper permits. Check it out.
Got you covered now. Say your prayers, Doc.
Oh, please don't, Mr. Ape. You wouldn't want to break the law. It's not human season.
It isn't? No! Look! It's duck season!
No! No, no, no, no, no! It's human season! Duck season!
Human season! Duck season!
Human season! Human season!
Oh, no you don't. I'm not falling for that one again. It's duck season!
Your derivative. Wow! Be sure to catch!
Music.
Kingdom of the Battling Conquest to Escape from the Planet of the Apes.
A franchise we all hope has an ending. Somewhere.
Why is there an eggplant drawing in this bunch of icons? Who uses that?
On May 24th, mark your calendar in permanent pencil and then head out to see Furiosa, a Mad Max saga.
This story takes us back to a land filled with tricked-out dune buggies and
steam Punky Brewster cosplay gone wild.
But I have to say that the lack of Vin Diesel in this fast and furiosa post-apocalyptic
future is disappointing.
Then again, all the Mad Max movies are so jam-packed with wall-to-wall dialogue,
I guess it's easy to see why the guy who voices Groot was left at the burnt-out
rest stop on this road trip. Now, where did the cursor go? Why am I back at the home screen?
Director George Mitch Miller cast Anya Taylor-Joy in the title lead role of
Furiosa, and Chris Hemsworth in the role of Australian.
Can Mimosa make it through the Beyond Thunderdome and find her way back to Wasteland, New Zealand?
Or will the cast of Cirque du Soleil Junkyard Wars checkmate her before she
can begin an epic car chase in the third act? Who knows?
Just get ready to break out your Google Translate for maybe scenes like this.
Music.
Oi! Had a Cap'n Hook over that ridge, mate. Gonna be 50 clicks of hard...
Unintelligable voices.
I love it! Hillcrest's Report is full of uninformed ramblings,
is slapdash, and doesn't hold water.
Thanks for reminding me, Buzz. Sponsor time! Did you know that Smellz-A-Lot
hand soap is hydroactively energized when you use it with water?
I didn't. Hillcrest, I'm forced to ask.
How the heck did you use a bar of soap without water? I just held one or two
bars in each hand all the time.
But that's not how you... I kept my hands smelling minty fresh.
That's how you know it's working.
Where was I? And we've worked our way to June, where the next sequel in our
traffic-jammed highway of nostalgic action movies walks onto the screen on June
7th. It's Bad Boys Ride or Die.
Ride or Die re-teamingly reunites Bad Boys, Bad Boys stars Will Smith and Martin
Lawrence as Miami cops who don't play by the rules.
Because those D&D instructions are just too complicated.
Am I right? How can you hurtingly damage a fire-breathing imagined dragon by
throwing dice at it? And how did he get a sponsorship?
Where's the question mark? But Bad Boys Ride or Die isn't your normal average sequel.
Oh no, it has a twist-and-shout surprise turn of events when our heroes end
up being the ones runningly riding for their lives.
They're set up by a corrupt cop who maybe confronts them in a scene maybe like this.
You two are getting too close to the truth for your own good.
So I'm going to give you a choice. What? You can either ride or die.
Oh, now that I think about it, I guess you could ride and die.
That'd be three choices. And if you think you can die and then ride,
that'd make four choices.
Look at me, I'm Mr. Options today.
Hey, where did they go?
Music. Car starts and drives away.
So they decided to ride, did they?
But wait, did you want to die too? You know that third option?
It's kind of important that I know that.
Wow, so much action. It's hard to believe it's not in 3D. Or four-wheel drive.
And don't forget that a week later you can ride or die over to see Inside Out
2, opening on June 14th. I think this one was originally going to be called Inside Out, Inside Out.
But Pixar realized that would actually make it Outside Out and Inside In.
Check out this emotionally made-up clip.
We need to decide which emotion is in charge of the situation.
Is it me? Happy? Or is it one of you?
I'm puzzled. No, I'm puzzled. I think, oh, this is sad. What?
Oh, you didn't mean me. I'm not surprised.
Ah! Who said that? Don't scare me like that! Come on, everyone! Focus!
I'm doing the best that I can!
And send. Zero percent battery? shutting down?
Hillcrest, I need to recharge my phone before I can retype that scathing text about you.
Are you about done? Do you mean, am I done with...
Music.
Danny Hillcrest's Sizzling Summer, Summer 2024 Movie Preview Reviews!
Sponsored by Smellz-A-Lot Hand Soap It's not just for hands It's for wrists too Yes That,
I sure am For now Because there's still the remaining whole rest of the summer
to preview review But I can do that the next time I come back I can hardly wait
But for now ladies and gentlemen and all the streamers at sea.
This is Buzz Scoop, Cracker Jack Thomas, ace investigative field reporter for
the Middling Fair, Courier Times, Roman Bold Italic, signing off.
And in the immortal words of Edward R. Murrow, get Hillcrest out of my studio.
Well, whoever he is, all I can say is he knows me? I love it.
Hey there, Clinton here. Welcome to the after the episode section of the show,
where you and I get to talk about things.
This time around, I'm excited to say that after talking about it in the last
episode, we have our first new item on the virtual table of random things.
Listener TVKirby wrote in to tell us what he's dropping off.
It was a bit long of a note, so I've edited it a little.
The note says, I was goin' back to the hotel after West Fest 08 at Disneyland
when I noticed somethin' odd in the bushes.
There, half buried in the soil, were two Gs. They looked completely unused.
I brushed the dirt off of them and took them back to the hotel.
Once at home, I was havin' problems finding wall space for hangin' them.
So when I heard about your table of random stuff, I knew that was just the place
for puttin' them. So here you go.
Looks like I picked up the two Gs the Imagineers dropped when they named rides
at Disney's California Adventure.
One looks to be from the old California Screamin' ride, and the other is from
Soarin'. Have fun with them.
TV Kirby. P.S. Watch out when handlin' those.
They might be cursed. My boss has been complaining about my documentation ever since I got back.
My writin' is lackin' somethin', but I can't figure out what is missin'.
Thank you, TV Kirby. I'll be very careful when placin' them on the table.
Uh-oh. Now, do you have something you want to put on or take off the virtual table of random things?
Great. Call the super-secret phone line at area code 213-290-4451.
If you're dialing internationally, that's in the United States.
Or send an email to comedy4cast, all one word, with the number 4, at gmail.com.
But be sure to put virtual table in the subject line.
Very important. Very, very important.
In this episode, as the Mad Max woman, the Happy emotion and the Surprised emotion, Bonnie Kenderdeen.
Additional voices as well as story and music, not AI generated.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. By me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2024.
All rights reserved. Thanks for listening and for the support.
Oh, and if you ever feel like rating comedy4cast on Apple Podcasts or wherever
you get the show, please do.
It helps people find us in the ever-flowing river of audio.
But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.