1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:10,000 The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now. 2 00:00:09,842 --> 00:00:16,682 Clinton here, and welcome to my show. This is comedy4cast, episode 791. 3 00:00:17,342 --> 00:00:21,942 Danny Hillcrest previews 2024's hot summer movies. 4 00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:29,202 Brought to you by Steve, Howard, Kreg, Zach, and my other amazing Patreon patrons. 5 00:00:29,602 --> 00:00:34,702 Thank you! To become a patron yourself, self and help me do what I do, 6 00:00:34,862 --> 00:00:40,862 plus get episodes before everyone else, go to patreon.com slash comedy4cast. 7 00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:48,622 All one word with the number four. And stick around after this episode for, uh, after the episode. 8 00:00:48,962 --> 00:00:50,822 Okay, on with the show. 9 00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:57,082 Turning to sports, our own middling fair cul-de-sacs won another game on the road last night. 10 00:00:57,302 --> 00:01:01,822 The game was called early when the umpire had to leave to make a Door Dash delivery. 11 00:01:02,302 --> 00:01:06,662 No word yet on how big the tip was. And now with that out of the way, 12 00:01:06,822 --> 00:01:10,462 it's time for a special investigative report by yours truly, 13 00:01:10,762 --> 00:01:14,902 Buzz Scoop Cracker Jack Thomas, Ace Investigative Field Reporter for the Middling 14 00:01:14,902 --> 00:01:16,962 Fair, Courier Times, Roman Bold Italic. 15 00:01:17,122 --> 00:01:22,242 I've spent the last six months investigating the shady underworld of greeting cards. 16 00:01:22,602 --> 00:01:26,802 How many of them actually contain greetings? Happy birthday? 17 00:01:27,122 --> 00:01:29,282 Not a greeting. You're retiring? 18 00:01:29,762 --> 00:01:33,462 Not a greeting. This story will blow the lid off the... 19 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:40,142 Ladies and gentlemen, I've just received word that my segment is being bumped 20 00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,782 for something more critical. 21 00:01:42,442 --> 00:01:45,722 Walloping Walter Cronkite. What could be more important? 22 00:01:46,102 --> 00:01:49,842 Hi, Danny Hillcrest here. No time for you tonight, Hillcrest. 23 00:01:49,962 --> 00:01:54,162 Something important is coming up. I love it, because it's me, 24 00:01:54,522 --> 00:02:00,162 Danny Hillcrest, with... 25 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:08,602 Danny Hillcrest's Sizzling Summer, Summer 2024 Movie Preview Reviews. 26 00:02:11,822 --> 00:02:17,982 How is this more important than my hard-boiled journalist-style investigative 27 00:02:17,982 --> 00:02:19,922 report? port. Wow, Buzz. 28 00:02:20,042 --> 00:02:23,102 I didn't know you also had a cooking show. 29 00:02:23,502 --> 00:02:27,462 Besides, when the new Low Channel, now with more of everything, 30 00:02:27,802 --> 00:02:32,022 permanently shelved that movie of yours last year, I thought you were going 31 00:02:32,022 --> 00:02:35,982 to wash your hands of all this Tinseltown tripe. Me too, Buzz. 32 00:02:36,182 --> 00:02:42,402 But every time I tried to get my clean hands out, random clickbait headlines kept pulling me back in. 33 00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:47,333 And then I'd have to wash my hands again. That's also why I want to welcomely 34 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:51,213 greet my new sponsor, Smellz-A-Lot Hand Soap. 35 00:02:51,233 --> 00:02:55,513 But first, let's get started with... No! You just played that! 36 00:02:58,953 --> 00:03:06,733 Danny Hillcrest's Sizzling Summer 2024 Movie Preview Reviews! 37 00:03:10,693 --> 00:03:15,933 Sponsored by Smellz-A-Lot hand soap. Now, with active ingredients. 38 00:03:16,653 --> 00:03:22,493 I'm going to do what the kids these days do and text upper management right now. 39 00:03:26,033 --> 00:03:30,953 How do I get this thing to make capital letters? There are so many summer movies 40 00:03:30,953 --> 00:03:36,633 and films and motion pictures to cover this summer, I decided to narrowcast 41 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:40,173 a wide net and cover just one kind of film. 42 00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:43,793 That rare Hollywood movie type, the sequel. 43 00:03:44,453 --> 00:03:49,533 I'll tell you when I want you to correct my spelling, phone. I say that word has one P. 44 00:03:50,013 --> 00:03:55,433 First up, on May 10th, get ready for a one-two combo punch of movie theme plots 45 00:03:55,433 --> 00:03:58,373 with Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. 46 00:04:03,733 --> 00:04:09,093 This movie will have all the complicated relationships of King Kong and all 47 00:04:09,093 --> 00:04:11,153 the non-stop action of The Crown. 48 00:04:11,593 --> 00:04:15,053 It's Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes! 49 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:26,854 Just when you thought this franchise had flung its last piece of shot footage 50 00:04:26,854 --> 00:04:31,274 at the screen, Kingdom of the Rising Planet of the Apes is back with a twist 51 00:04:31,274 --> 00:04:32,774 that you won't see coming. 52 00:04:33,254 --> 00:04:37,214 Unless you've ever seen any of the other Kingdom of the Returning Dawn of the 53 00:04:37,214 --> 00:04:38,374 Planet of the Apes movies. 54 00:04:38,614 --> 00:04:43,034 In fact, check out this exclusive clip. Hang on, Hillcrest. 55 00:04:43,174 --> 00:04:48,854 All the major studios have banned you from using their clips. You're right, Buzz. 56 00:04:49,194 --> 00:04:52,674 And that means now I can make up my own. 57 00:04:52,854 --> 00:04:58,354 In this one, apes are still hunting human being people, but something has changed. 58 00:04:58,854 --> 00:05:02,394 Now they have all the proper permits. Check it out. 59 00:05:04,414 --> 00:05:08,214 Got you covered now. Say your prayers, Doc. 60 00:05:08,654 --> 00:05:14,474 Oh, please don't, Mr. Ape. You wouldn't want to break the law. It's not human season. 61 00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:19,714 It isn't? No! Look! It's duck season! 62 00:05:20,214 --> 00:05:25,354 No! No, no, no, no, no! It's human season! Duck season! 63 00:05:26,954 --> 00:05:30,354 Human season! Duck season! 64 00:05:31,654 --> 00:05:34,834 Human season! Human season! 65 00:05:35,514 --> 00:05:40,594 Oh, no you don't. I'm not falling for that one again. It's duck season! 66 00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:48,874 Your derivative. Wow! Be sure to catch! 67 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:59,920 Music. 68 00:06:02,169 --> 00:06:07,009 Kingdom of the Battling Conquest to Escape from the Planet of the Apes. 69 00:06:07,129 --> 00:06:11,349 A franchise we all hope has an ending. Somewhere. 70 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:17,469 Why is there an eggplant drawing in this bunch of icons? Who uses that? 71 00:06:17,869 --> 00:06:26,689 On May 24th, mark your calendar in permanent pencil and then head out to see Furiosa, a Mad Max saga. 72 00:06:26,689 --> 00:06:32,369 This story takes us back to a land filled with tricked-out dune buggies and 73 00:06:32,369 --> 00:06:35,129 steam Punky Brewster cosplay gone wild. 74 00:06:35,649 --> 00:06:41,469 But I have to say that the lack of Vin Diesel in this fast and furiosa post-apocalyptic 75 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,929 future is disappointing. 76 00:06:43,589 --> 00:06:48,789 Then again, all the Mad Max movies are so jam-packed with wall-to-wall dialogue, 77 00:06:49,169 --> 00:06:53,489 I guess it's easy to see why the guy who voices Groot was left at the burnt-out 78 00:06:53,489 --> 00:06:58,529 rest stop on this road trip. Now, where did the cursor go? Why am I back at the home screen? 79 00:06:58,989 --> 00:07:04,209 Director George Mitch Miller cast Anya Taylor-Joy in the title lead role of 80 00:07:04,209 --> 00:07:08,669 Furiosa, and Chris Hemsworth in the role of Australian. 81 00:07:09,309 --> 00:07:15,409 Can Mimosa make it through the Beyond Thunderdome and find her way back to Wasteland, New Zealand? 82 00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:20,669 Or will the cast of Cirque du Soleil Junkyard Wars checkmate her before she 83 00:07:20,669 --> 00:07:24,569 can begin an epic car chase in the third act? Who knows? 84 00:07:24,869 --> 00:07:29,409 Just get ready to break out your Google Translate for maybe scenes like this. 85 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:43,120 Music. 86 00:07:43,969 --> 00:07:49,069 Oi! Had a Cap'n Hook over that ridge, mate. Gonna be 50 clicks of hard... 87 00:07:49,360 --> 00:08:15,760 Unintelligable voices. 88 00:08:17,244 --> 00:08:22,944 I love it! Hillcrest's Report is full of uninformed ramblings, 89 00:08:22,964 --> 00:08:26,584 is slapdash, and doesn't hold water. 90 00:08:26,904 --> 00:08:31,744 Thanks for reminding me, Buzz. Sponsor time! Did you know that Smellz-A-Lot 91 00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:35,584 hand soap is hydroactively energized when you use it with water? 92 00:08:36,164 --> 00:08:39,764 I didn't. Hillcrest, I'm forced to ask. 93 00:08:40,004 --> 00:08:45,344 How the heck did you use a bar of soap without water? I just held one or two 94 00:08:45,344 --> 00:08:47,144 bars in each hand all the time. 95 00:08:47,424 --> 00:08:50,564 But that's not how you... I kept my hands smelling minty fresh. 96 00:08:51,044 --> 00:08:52,724 That's how you know it's working. 97 00:08:53,364 --> 00:08:58,764 Where was I? And we've worked our way to June, where the next sequel in our 98 00:08:58,764 --> 00:09:03,284 traffic-jammed highway of nostalgic action movies walks onto the screen on June 99 00:09:03,284 --> 00:09:06,744 7th. It's Bad Boys Ride or Die. 100 00:09:07,264 --> 00:09:12,644 Ride or Die re-teamingly reunites Bad Boys, Bad Boys stars Will Smith and Martin 101 00:09:12,644 --> 00:09:15,484 Lawrence as Miami cops who don't play by the rules. 102 00:09:15,884 --> 00:09:19,304 Because those D&D instructions are just too complicated. 103 00:09:19,784 --> 00:09:25,584 Am I right? How can you hurtingly damage a fire-breathing imagined dragon by 104 00:09:25,584 --> 00:09:28,844 throwing dice at it? And how did he get a sponsorship? 105 00:09:29,864 --> 00:09:35,944 Where's the question mark? But Bad Boys Ride or Die isn't your normal average sequel. 106 00:09:36,244 --> 00:09:41,964 Oh no, it has a twist-and-shout surprise turn of events when our heroes end 107 00:09:41,964 --> 00:09:44,804 up being the ones runningly riding for their lives. 108 00:09:45,264 --> 00:09:51,444 They're set up by a corrupt cop who maybe confronts them in a scene maybe like this. 109 00:09:53,084 --> 00:09:56,524 You two are getting too close to the truth for your own good. 110 00:09:57,044 --> 00:10:03,524 So I'm going to give you a choice. What? You can either ride or die. 111 00:10:05,784 --> 00:10:10,724 Oh, now that I think about it, I guess you could ride and die. 112 00:10:11,364 --> 00:10:16,504 That'd be three choices. And if you think you can die and then ride, 113 00:10:16,744 --> 00:10:18,464 that'd make four choices. 114 00:10:18,944 --> 00:10:21,764 Look at me, I'm Mr. Options today. 115 00:10:23,244 --> 00:10:24,764 Hey, where did they go? 116 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:31,120 Music. Car starts and drives away. 117 00:10:30,962 --> 00:10:33,682 So they decided to ride, did they? 118 00:10:34,582 --> 00:10:40,482 But wait, did you want to die too? You know that third option? 119 00:10:41,122 --> 00:10:43,702 It's kind of important that I know that. 120 00:10:46,422 --> 00:10:52,502 Wow, so much action. It's hard to believe it's not in 3D. Or four-wheel drive. 121 00:10:53,062 --> 00:10:57,802 And don't forget that a week later you can ride or die over to see Inside Out 122 00:10:57,802 --> 00:11:04,722 2, opening on June 14th. I think this one was originally going to be called Inside Out, Inside Out. 123 00:11:04,822 --> 00:11:10,182 But Pixar realized that would actually make it Outside Out and Inside In. 124 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,142 Check out this emotionally made-up clip. 125 00:11:14,522 --> 00:11:18,842 We need to decide which emotion is in charge of the situation. 126 00:11:19,442 --> 00:11:22,942 Is it me? Happy? Or is it one of you? 127 00:11:23,322 --> 00:11:29,322 I'm puzzled. No, I'm puzzled. I think, oh, this is sad. What? 128 00:11:30,062 --> 00:11:34,882 Oh, you didn't mean me. I'm not surprised. 129 00:11:35,622 --> 00:11:40,582 Ah! Who said that? Don't scare me like that! Come on, everyone! Focus! 130 00:11:41,662 --> 00:11:45,942 I'm doing the best that I can! 131 00:11:50,002 --> 00:11:55,822 And send. Zero percent battery? shutting down? 132 00:11:57,922 --> 00:12:03,502 Hillcrest, I need to recharge my phone before I can retype that scathing text about you. 133 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,862 Are you about done? Do you mean, am I done with... 134 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:12,400 Music. 135 00:12:12,002 --> 00:12:19,882 Danny Hillcrest's Sizzling Summer, Summer 2024 Movie Preview Reviews! 136 00:12:23,922 --> 00:12:32,602 Sponsored by Smellz-A-Lot Hand Soap It's not just for hands It's for wrists too Yes That, 137 00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:40,122 I sure am For now Because there's still the remaining whole rest of the summer 138 00:12:40,122 --> 00:12:46,462 to preview review But I can do that the next time I come back I can hardly wait 139 00:12:46,462 --> 00:12:50,382 But for now ladies and gentlemen and all the streamers at sea. 140 00:12:50,582 --> 00:12:55,082 This is Buzz Scoop, Cracker Jack Thomas, ace investigative field reporter for 141 00:12:55,082 --> 00:12:58,462 the Middling Fair, Courier Times, Roman Bold Italic, signing off. 142 00:12:58,662 --> 00:13:05,982 And in the immortal words of Edward R. Murrow, get Hillcrest out of my studio. 143 00:13:06,922 --> 00:13:12,362 Well, whoever he is, all I can say is he knows me? I love it. 144 00:13:16,316 --> 00:13:21,696 Hey there, Clinton here. Welcome to the after the episode section of the show, 145 00:13:21,856 --> 00:13:24,796 where you and I get to talk about things. 146 00:13:25,816 --> 00:13:30,576 This time around, I'm excited to say that after talking about it in the last 147 00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:36,696 episode, we have our first new item on the virtual table of random things. 148 00:13:37,756 --> 00:13:41,216 Listener TVKirby wrote in to tell us what he's dropping off. 149 00:13:41,456 --> 00:13:45,296 It was a bit long of a note, so I've edited it a little. 150 00:13:45,996 --> 00:13:51,376 The note says, I was goin' back to the hotel after West Fest 08 at Disneyland 151 00:13:51,376 --> 00:13:54,416 when I noticed somethin' odd in the bushes. 152 00:13:54,696 --> 00:14:01,076 There, half buried in the soil, were two Gs. They looked completely unused. 153 00:14:01,736 --> 00:14:05,296 I brushed the dirt off of them and took them back to the hotel. 154 00:14:05,616 --> 00:14:10,396 Once at home, I was havin' problems finding wall space for hangin' them. 155 00:14:10,696 --> 00:14:16,196 So when I heard about your table of random stuff, I knew that was just the place 156 00:14:16,196 --> 00:14:18,396 for puttin' them. So here you go. 157 00:14:18,796 --> 00:14:23,296 Looks like I picked up the two Gs the Imagineers dropped when they named rides 158 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,016 at Disney's California Adventure. 159 00:14:25,556 --> 00:14:30,976 One looks to be from the old California Screamin' ride, and the other is from 160 00:14:30,976 --> 00:14:33,836 Soarin'. Have fun with them. 161 00:14:34,116 --> 00:14:38,256 TV Kirby. P.S. Watch out when handlin' those. 162 00:14:38,856 --> 00:14:46,416 They might be cursed. My boss has been complaining about my documentation ever since I got back. 163 00:14:46,656 --> 00:14:53,316 My writin' is lackin' somethin', but I can't figure out what is missin'. 164 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:59,696 Thank you, TV Kirby. I'll be very careful when placin' them on the table. 165 00:15:01,096 --> 00:15:07,536 Uh-oh. Now, do you have something you want to put on or take off the virtual table of random things? 166 00:15:07,836 --> 00:15:16,196 Great. Call the super-secret phone line at area code 213-290-4451. 167 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:20,036 If you're dialing internationally, that's in the United States. 168 00:15:20,236 --> 00:15:28,396 Or send an email to comedy4cast, all one word, with the number 4, at gmail.com. 169 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:32,216 But be sure to put virtual table in the subject line. 170 00:15:32,596 --> 00:15:35,316 Very important. Very, very important. 171 00:15:39,096 --> 00:15:47,016 In this episode, as the Mad Max woman, the Happy emotion and the Surprised emotion, Bonnie Kenderdeen. 172 00:15:47,436 --> 00:15:52,356 Additional voices as well as story and music, not AI generated. 173 00:15:52,596 --> 00:15:57,916 Not that there's anything wrong with that. By me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2024. 174 00:15:58,676 --> 00:16:03,036 All rights reserved. Thanks for listening and for the support. 175 00:16:03,036 --> 00:16:08,696 Oh, and if you ever feel like rating comedy4cast on Apple Podcasts or wherever 176 00:16:08,696 --> 00:16:10,436 you get the show, please do. 177 00:16:10,676 --> 00:16:14,236 It helps people find us in the ever-flowing river of audio. 178 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:35,541 But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.