1 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:10,450 Welcome to Balancing Life's Issues. I'm your host Kai, 2 00:00:10,550 --> 00:00:13,850 and we are here as always to help normalize the mental health conversation 3 00:00:13,870 --> 00:00:15,050 around work-life balance 4 00:00:18,910 --> 00:00:22,650 As we celebrate mental health awareness month. Let me drop this phrase on you. 5 00:00:23,670 --> 00:00:28,210 Mental health is health. What was your reaction to that? 6 00:00:29,690 --> 00:00:31,170 I know for myself, it's comforting. 7 00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:35,170 I'm someone who didn't really explore my own mental health until I was well into 8 00:00:35,170 --> 00:00:39,810 my twenties. Turns out I harbor a lot of anger and anxiety. I didn't know that. 9 00:00:40,670 --> 00:00:43,850 And now that I'm on this mental health journey that is full of ups and downs, 10 00:00:44,490 --> 00:00:46,650 I look forward to taking care of myself mentally. 11 00:00:46,990 --> 00:00:49,330 So I can alleviate just a little bit of that pressure, 12 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:54,410 whether it's journaling in the morning, putting down the laptop for a walk, 13 00:00:55,190 --> 00:00:57,890 or drawing a boundary around a toxic relationship. 14 00:00:59,710 --> 00:01:03,980 These are all tools that I had to learn so I could look forward to prioritizing 15 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:07,270 myself and know that didn't always come easily. 16 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:11,740 But why was that? Like so many of us, 17 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:15,420 the communities we grew up in didn't have the tools to really talk about it. 18 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:21,080 Listen, there's no one to blame here. We are reflections of our society, 19 00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:25,080 and you can see the mental health conversation being normalized more and more 20 00:01:25,370 --> 00:01:29,880 every day. And today, as we kick off mental health awareness month, 21 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,320 I wanted to talk specifically about uncertainty. 22 00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:36,050 While the importance of living with it, 23 00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:39,640 how many of you get anxious or stressed, 24 00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:44,430 frustrated when something doesn't go according to plan or you just can't seem to 25 00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:46,750 control the outcome of relationship or task? 26 00:01:47,970 --> 00:01:51,430 We are wired to be planners in crave order. I know I am. 27 00:01:52,270 --> 00:01:55,550 I thrive off of my schedule, the consistency, the reliability. 28 00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:58,390 But my wife and I, we have a baby on the way. 29 00:01:58,650 --> 00:02:01,350 So you can imagine the uncertainty we are living with every day. 30 00:02:02,410 --> 00:02:05,690 Did we make a mistake? Will everything go according to plan? 31 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:09,010 Will my child be safe from gun violence at school 32 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:14,250 events that bring chaos and uncertainty into our lives leads to fear. 33 00:02:15,110 --> 00:02:18,820 So how do we handle uncertainty? I don't know. 34 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,980 But that's why I've invited my friend and colleague onto the show to talk about 35 00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:24,300 how she has survived in an uncertain world. 36 00:02:25,430 --> 00:02:29,300 Diane Pulley Blank is an exercise physiologist and has worked in the world of 37 00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:33,100 mental health and wellness for over 25 years. Most recently though, 38 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,100 she has found herself delivering trainings, webinars, 39 00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:39,340 and podcasts for balancing life's issues. But first, 40 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,020 I'd like for you to hear her story. 41 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:53,780 Almost 10 years ago, I guess, um, I started getting, I, 42 00:02:54,220 --> 00:02:58,980 I coughed an awful lot at one point. And um, and my rib started to really hurt. 43 00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:06,280 And I went to my, to my gp and I said, and I said, 44 00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:09,680 and he did all kinds of tests. And he said, oh, you know, 45 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,200 I can't really find anything. But it kept on recurring. 46 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:15,120 And I went back again and he did another test. 47 00:03:15,340 --> 00:03:18,280 And it turned out I have, um, 48 00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:21,560 bone marrow cancer or what's called multiple myeloma. 49 00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:24,320 So I started treatment for that. 50 00:03:24,650 --> 00:03:29,520 Ended up having a bone marrow transplant in, um, 51 00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:34,560 2014. And then I was fine for a while. 52 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:38,640 I, everything was great. Then my number started going in the wrong direction. 53 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:43,120 I had another bone marrow transplant. Um, in 2016. 54 00:03:43,450 --> 00:03:47,360 Everything was great for about four years. And then of course, 55 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,040 things started going south again. 56 00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:58,680 And I had what's called CAR T-cell therapy. 57 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:03,240 I was in a clinical trial because it was not, um, recognized, 58 00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:06,600 uh, for multiple myeloma at that time. 59 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:12,240 And I ended up, um, in a, in a clinical trial, I had this CAR T-cell therapy. 60 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:17,280 And I completed my two years of that particular, 61 00:04:17,980 --> 00:04:20,840 um, trial about, oh, 62 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:24,840 it was this past September and everything was fine. Everything was going great. 63 00:04:25,060 --> 00:04:28,320 And then in February, my number started going in the wrong direction again. 64 00:04:34,420 --> 00:04:37,800 So my doctor said, well, you know, oh, 65 00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:40,680 we're gonna have to start looking at what else to do, 66 00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:44,320 and probably in the next three to six months, 67 00:04:44,820 --> 00:04:47,400 you're going to need to have something else done. 68 00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:49,520 And he gave me five different alternatives. 69 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:53,120 And the one that we kind of settled on is, um, 70 00:04:53,140 --> 00:04:55,200 it actually is another clinical trial, 71 00:04:56,060 --> 00:05:00,920 and it is one that would require me to be in the hospital for 10 72 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:05,560 days to two weeks and then get a treatment every 73 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,040 six weeks for two years. 74 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,480 So what that did to me is it put me in limbo. 75 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:24,160 I I had to, I had to take a look at all the things that I had planned, 76 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:28,440 that I had booked, that I was going to be doing, where I was going to be going. 77 00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:33,960 Um, and I ended up having to cancel just a whole bunch of things in anticipation 78 00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:38,920 of what's going to happen down the line. And that is still going on. 79 00:05:38,980 --> 00:05:43,400 So every six weeks now, I have blood work done, and then I have, uh, 80 00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:45,040 an appointment with my doctor. 81 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:50,360 I actually had one today and things were stable as of today. 82 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,440 So we'll look again in another six weeks, 83 00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:56,280 which means I can plan for the next six weeks. 84 00:05:56,860 --> 00:06:00,760 And then I don't know what's going to happen after that. So it's very, 85 00:06:01,190 --> 00:06:05,160 very uncertain. And it just leaves me, as I said, you know, 86 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:07,800 kind of in this state of, of limbo. I don't know, 87 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,560 I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what I can plan, 88 00:06:11,150 --> 00:06:16,000 that kind of thing. So it ended up being deep breath time. 89 00:06:22,890 --> 00:06:24,240 Thank you so much for sharing. 90 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:28,720 I know it takes a lot of courage to be able to do that. Thank you. 91 00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:29,813 Um. 92 00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:34,880 So as you, uh, talk about adjusting to the cadence of life, 93 00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:36,800 right? That what, 94 00:06:36,820 --> 00:06:40,880 no matter I think where you are in life changes anyways, 95 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:45,400 but for you, it's, it seems to be changing an awful lot. 96 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,920 That's true. That's true. But thank you for saying that. 97 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:53,760 It changes for everybody because it does. It's not static. You know, 98 00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:56,560 we don't have a roadmap. We don't know what's going to happen. 99 00:06:56,660 --> 00:07:00,080 Who would've predicted a pandemic two years ago, three years ago? Mm-hmm. 100 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,120 . Right, right. Who, who can predict what's going to go on. 101 00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:06,440 And I think that we are adjusting to living in this, 102 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:10,320 in this feeling of, I don't know what's gonna happen, 103 00:07:10,820 --> 00:07:14,840 but I'm gonna live for today. I'm going to make the most of today, 104 00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:19,760 make the best of everything that's around me. Make whatever plans I wanna make. 105 00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:23,280 And if they have to be changed, eh, they have to be changed. 106 00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:27,960 Sure. You know, you had mentioned a soon to be dad over here. Uh, 107 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:32,400 we're due July 3rd, so yeah, we just hit 31 weeks. 108 00:07:33,260 --> 00:07:35,360 Ooh, that's so exciting. Congratulations. 109 00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:37,000 Thank you so much. And I shouldn't say we, 110 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,320 I should say my wife just hit 31 weeks. I'm no, 111 00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:43,280 I'm here to help you pick up the slack as needed. 112 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:48,680 I know two of you hit 31 weeks together. I will guarantee you that . 113 00:07:49,350 --> 00:07:53,280 Well, and you know, I think that's, that's kind of, uh, the, 114 00:07:53,570 --> 00:07:58,480 where I've lived the last, I'd say, couple months especially. I think it, 115 00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:01,040 unfortunately, it took, 116 00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:05,280 it took some time for me to kind of get around to the idea of like, oh, 117 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:08,200 you're gonna be a dad. Because my body didn't change overnight. 118 00:08:08,580 --> 00:08:13,120 My behaviors didn't change overnight. Um, and so as I've navigated, 119 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,560 navigated that uncertainty within myself, you know, 120 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,840 the things that come out to me are, you know, will, will, 121 00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:24,520 will my baby be born? Okay. Will my wife be okay in the, 122 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,800 in the delivery room? Um, 123 00:08:27,830 --> 00:08:30,640 will my child be safe at preschool? 124 00:08:31,350 --> 00:08:34,240 Will we be safe at the grocery store? You know, 125 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:39,280 I think these are the unfortunate uncertainties that have been really 126 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:43,280 present in my life recently. Um, and I, 127 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,120 I guess just for you, 128 00:08:45,910 --> 00:08:50,360 what kinds of things do you do like to help, to help balance yourself? 129 00:08:50,580 --> 00:08:53,720 And when it comes to like, just living with uncertainty? 130 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:57,870 Okay. Well, as I said, you know, I, 131 00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:03,190 I do try to wake up every morning going, yay. 132 00:09:04,190 --> 00:09:05,023 . 133 00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:06,690 I woke up. 134 00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:08,350 Oh, that's so hard. Some mornings. 135 00:09:09,250 --> 00:09:13,070 It is. It is, it is. You know, and then take that, 136 00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:15,590 that nice deep breath, 137 00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:19,790 figure out what's going on during the day because I'm certain that, you know, I, 138 00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:23,750 I haven't stopped planning things. I have put some things on the, 139 00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:27,590 on the back burner, but I haven't stopped planning things. So I go, okay, 140 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,910 so this is, this is what my day's going to be like today. 141 00:09:30,730 --> 00:09:35,310 And I do actually really try to make time every single day 142 00:09:35,770 --> 00:09:40,430 to, um, at least get a really nice outdoor walk. 143 00:09:40,540 --> 00:09:45,150 Doesn't matter what the weather is, unless it's pouring rain and it's a monsoon, 144 00:09:45,390 --> 00:09:46,470 I don't do it. Then . 145 00:09:46,470 --> 00:09:48,150 The last, the last few days, the last around. 146 00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:52,630 The last few days. Yes, yes. But, but you know, get outside, 147 00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:57,750 get a nice walk, get some exercise in, do some really nice deep breathing, 148 00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:02,670 do some stretching. Just make sure that, um, you know, 149 00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:07,070 I take care of me cuz I, nobody else is going to do that. 150 00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:12,510 And I can't take care of anybody else if I'm not taking care of me. 151 00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:17,990 So that's kind of, you know, what, what I do, I don't, I do not, um, 152 00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:24,190 sort of ruminate and say, oh, this is just terrible. And, um, 153 00:10:24,370 --> 00:10:26,910 the future's not very good. And actually, you know, 154 00:10:26,910 --> 00:10:31,870 when I meet my friends and we go for a walk or we do dinner or we, 155 00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:36,550 whatever, I start off with the ground rules. Hmm. Okay. I set the boundaries, 156 00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:40,870 first of all, I say there are two things. There are two things. First of all, 157 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,230 we're not talking about my medical condition. I'm fine. 158 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,750 We're not talking about it, period. Hmm. And second, we're not talking politics. 159 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:49,833 There you go. 160 00:10:50,490 --> 00:10:53,390 And those are the ground rules. We can talk about anything else, 161 00:10:54,290 --> 00:10:56,150 but as soon as the ground rules are set, 162 00:10:56,590 --> 00:11:01,470 I think that that really helps everybody to just move on and move 163 00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:02,590 forward, you know? 164 00:11:02,940 --> 00:11:04,030 Yeah. And that, that's, 165 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:08,310 that's so interesting you bring that up because I think there are, so, 166 00:11:08,310 --> 00:11:08,710 there are, 167 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:13,630 there are people in our lives who may be affected by a medical condition or some 168 00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:16,670 sort of tragedy or if not them directly, 169 00:11:17,140 --> 00:11:21,590 they have someone in their life that is affected by something. 170 00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:25,630 And sometimes as a friend or even a partner or, 171 00:11:25,730 --> 00:11:29,790 or whatever relationship it is, sometimes it's hard to approach, 172 00:11:30,970 --> 00:11:35,550 um, that person because, you know, you want to, you want to offer support, 173 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:38,310 but sometimes it's hard, hard to say, 174 00:11:38,660 --> 00:11:40,990 hard to know what to say when someone is dealing Exactly. 175 00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:42,230 With these kinds of things. Yeah. 176 00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:47,510 Yeah. And so to me, I, you know, setting the boundaries Right, right. At the, 177 00:11:47,530 --> 00:11:51,750 at the get-go. I think that that really, uh, really helps. It helps me. 178 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,120 Absolutely. Uhhuh and, and, and, and it knows. And, and you know, 179 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,320 if, if people don't know what your boundaries are, 180 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:02,120 they don't know when they've overstepped them. Yeah. And so, you know, 181 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,760 just being able to say, this is, you know, 182 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:09,720 these two things are off the board. Absolutely. And if they stray into that, 183 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:13,120 I go, no, no, no. Uh, mm-hmm. Not talking about that. 184 00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:14,600 So focus, let's just. 185 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,433 Move on. 186 00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:17,680 So when you're dealing with uncertainty, you know, 187 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:19,120 focusing on what you can control. 188 00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:21,920 Absolutely. Absolutely. 189 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:25,520 Because there's so much that's not within our control that we think should be, 190 00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:30,600 and we have to recognize that No, we don't get to control at all. Yeah. 191 00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:35,560 We really don't. So, you know, this is, this is what I have, um, 192 00:12:36,110 --> 00:12:40,560 control over. I have oversight of whatever you wanna call it mm-hmm. 193 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:44,960 . And that's, that's where I'm going to make my focus. 194 00:12:44,990 --> 00:12:48,200 Doesn't mean that, that you put on blinders and say, oh, 195 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,760 there's nothing else out there because there is mm-hmm. , 196 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,160 there's other stuff out there. Yeah. But, you know, 197 00:12:53,180 --> 00:12:57,600 you just get your focus going in the direction that is going to do the best 198 00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:01,160 for you, your family, your friends, and everybody that you meet. 199 00:13:01,670 --> 00:13:05,640 When, when it comes to can't, you know, inability to control something. I, 200 00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:08,880 the book I'm reading about kind of what, 201 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:13,240 what's happening to my wife right now through this pregnancy. 202 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,560 What's going to happen to her in the living room, the, you know, 203 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:20,200 the weeks after. It's, it's a very data driven approach. The book is, 204 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,240 which I really appreciate. Um-huh , 205 00:13:22,340 --> 00:13:25,160 it just kind of takes a lot of the science of it all and just kind of, 206 00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:28,800 cuz you know, you can go on the internet and find an answer to anything or, 207 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,400 or go find, find what you want to hear. Of course. 208 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,000 I appreciate this book's view. Yep. On, 209 00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:36,840 on kind of just taking information and being like, Hey, 210 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,960 here's the data and you can make a decision about that. 211 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:43,960 But the book also points out that just cuz we have data doesn't mean you're in 212 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:44,793 control. 213 00:13:45,010 --> 00:13:47,000 Right, exactly. Exactly. 214 00:13:47,340 --> 00:13:52,120 And if you take a look at the world and what's been going on and what's been 215 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,640 going on in our country, um, you know, that, you know, 216 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:59,040 you don't have control over it all, but you do the best that you can. 217 00:13:59,780 --> 00:14:04,460 So when we talk about managing that, you know, 218 00:14:04,460 --> 00:14:08,940 taking preventative steps to enhance our help and seeking, 219 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:13,660 you know, professional, mental and emotional support, uh, 220 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:17,820 when we need it, speaking to what goes on in, 221 00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:21,420 in the world around us, you know, in, in our country, things like 222 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:27,860 these horrible school shootings, public mass shootings, um, 223 00:14:28,770 --> 00:14:33,500 when we look at the world, it's, it's the war in Ukraine. Um, it's, 224 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:37,780 you know, it's a tsunami that's devastated mm-hmm. a country. Um, 225 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:42,580 but, but ultimately we have to bring it back to ourselves and manage, 226 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,620 manage ourselves. And, 227 00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:48,500 and one thing I heard recently that really stuck out to me is that I am 228 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,660 the expert on myself. 229 00:14:51,410 --> 00:14:52,243 Great words. 230 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:57,560 I, you know, I, I know, I know what's best for me, 231 00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:03,840 but that also means putting into work to understand who that person is. 232 00:15:04,450 --> 00:15:05,960 Right. Do, do you know what I mean by that? 233 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,760 I think so. What it always seems to me is that it boils down to it's hard to be 234 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:15,440 introspective. It's hard to look at yourself. It's hard to say, 235 00:15:15,670 --> 00:15:19,080 okay, you know, this is really me mm-hmm. , 236 00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:22,520 and these are the things that I'm concerned about. 237 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,600 These are the things that I have control over. 238 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,680 These are the things I don't have control over. 239 00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:30,480 And actually getting that down so that it's, 240 00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:35,200 it it works for you. Right. Is that, 241 00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:37,040 is that kind of what what you're getting at? 242 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:41,680 Yeah. And I'd say more like understanding your baseline. So, you know, 243 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:46,080 as we look at mental health awareness month, I know for myself, uh, 244 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,240 because I've been on a mental health journey myself, 245 00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:53,680 that anxiety for me Sunday night through Tuesday is totally 246 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:54,653 normal. 247 00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:55,920 Mm-hmm. 248 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:59,480 , if that anxiety is still within me, kind of beyond, 249 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,280 beyond those days, then I have to like, I have to, like, 250 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,200 I have to do some searching. I have to figure out, okay, what, 251 00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:09,160 what's going on right now that I haven't necessarily let go of? 252 00:16:09,610 --> 00:16:11,440 Uhhuh . Oh, interesting. Uhhuh . You. 253 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,880 Know, so when I talk about baseline, that's, I, 254 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:18,000 that's like what I'm referring to. So like, I think for yourself, do, 255 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,400 do you have an idea of what your baseline is as you, 256 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,520 as you navigate like your medical condition? 257 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:29,640 I hope I do. I hope I do. I think that, you know, my, 258 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:33,920 my baseline really is everything's okay until it's not, 259 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,440 and we'll deal with it then. Mm-hmm. 260 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:36,313 . 261 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,800 You know, I don't, I I I I, 262 00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:45,360 I've gone through the whole thing of, of worrying and being upset and, 263 00:16:45,980 --> 00:16:49,800 and, you know, um, the, the, the not knowing what's going to happen, 264 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:54,320 the uncertainty of the future. And I finally went, stop it. Yeah. You know, 265 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:54,960 . 266 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:55,800 Just stop. 267 00:16:56,730 --> 00:17:01,440 Everything is fine until it's not. Yeah. And then something, 268 00:17:01,510 --> 00:17:06,440 well, something else will come up. I know when I was first diagnosed, they said, 269 00:17:06,630 --> 00:17:10,360 okay, well, you know, lifespan is eight to 10 years. Wow. 270 00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,040 But everything's changing. They said, and they said, 271 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:17,920 this particular disease, things are changing every single year. 272 00:17:18,140 --> 00:17:19,720 And every year in December, 273 00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:24,440 there's a new conference where they show everything that that's new that's going 274 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:27,240 on out there mm-hmm. . Right. And that's what's happening, 275 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:31,080 you know, that there is so much research being done into, I'm very lucky. 276 00:17:31,430 --> 00:17:36,240 There's so much research being done into my disease that there are 277 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,520 different options. Like, you know, 278 00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:43,080 three years ago there would not have been CAR T-cell, uh, treatment for this. 279 00:17:43,420 --> 00:17:46,280 It just wouldn't. Car T-cell is is is where they, 280 00:17:46,310 --> 00:17:51,240 they take out your T-cells and they re-engineer them and then 281 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:56,080 put them back to fight the cancer that may come up again. 282 00:17:57,300 --> 00:18:01,160 You know, that didn't exist three years ago. So, you know, 283 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,200 there's stuff on the horizon, and as long as you keep looking, oh, 284 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:08,880 there's the horizon . Yeah. It's over there. Yeah. It's good. It's good. 285 00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:12,840 Wow. So I think my horizon is, you know, a baby boy, 286 00:18:13,430 --> 00:18:18,360 nice and healthy uhhuh in our arms. Yes. July 3rd. Yes. At some point. Um. 287 00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:19,293 So exciting. 288 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:24,360 . So can I ask you, what were some uncertainties you had, you know, 289 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,400 when you had your first child? 290 00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:30,560 Uh, well, let me tell you. I was, um, I was overseas. I was living in France, 291 00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:35,560 in, in Gr Noble. My husband was, um, he had, uh, we, 292 00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:38,880 we had decided together that we would accept this position, um, 293 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:42,480 at the University of Gr Noble. And he was a professor. And, and, you know, 294 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:47,040 then I became pregnant and I went to, uh, I went to a doctor. 295 00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:49,480 They said, yes, you're pregnant. Um, 296 00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:53,920 now you have to go call the hospital and book your, 297 00:18:54,270 --> 00:18:58,040 your appointment for to have the baby. I said, okay. 298 00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:03,020 This was in, um, like February. I was due. 299 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:07,620 In July. We called the hospital and they said, oh, sorry, 300 00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:08,463 we're full. 301 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,500 . What? That's not how it works, . 302 00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:15,060 Sorry, we're full. No, I, I'm, of course my, 303 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:19,900 it was my husband who called and he said, what about August ? Mm-hmm. 304 00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:23,900 . And they said, no. And they, and they said, so I ended up at a, 305 00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:28,380 at a private clinic instead, you know, with a wonderful midwife and, 306 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,740 and a and a great, um, ob gyn. He was fabulous. 307 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,500 And, you know, but then you, 308 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:40,540 you have this thing that you don't really know what to do with all of a sudden 309 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,580 one day you didn't have it, and the next day you do . Right? 310 00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:46,163 Yeah. 311 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:50,180 And so, uh, so the learning curve started. 312 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,860 It was pretty steep right then. Mm-hmm. and the uncertainties, 313 00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:56,660 I didn't have family around. Okay. 314 00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:01,220 We were spending one year in GR Noble, and then we were moving to Germany. 315 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,940 So I was going to have to completely change cultures again with a, 316 00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:08,580 with a newborn. Wow. You know, she was, uh, 317 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:13,660 she was two months old when we moved. Um, you know, just all of these things, 318 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,780 you don't know what's going to happen. And yet, you know what, 319 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,980 you go with the flow. Mm-hmm. , you. 320 00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:20,900 Just go with the flow. 321 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,340 You go with the flow. You just say, okay, um, alright. Right. 322 00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:29,660 I have a place to live. Good. Um, I don't speak German, 323 00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:33,420 I'll learn mm-hmm. . And I did, you know, um, 324 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:36,220 I did speak French and I was actually very lucky. I, 325 00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:40,140 I went up to the Wal the markets in, uh, we were in bond in Germany, 326 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:44,940 and I went to all the markets and I found a, a green grocer who spoke French, 327 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:49,120 uh, you know, and somebody else who spoke English. And you know, 328 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:52,600 and you get through that way. And it, it's not that, 329 00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:56,760 that you know what's going to happen. Mm. Because you don't. Yeah. 330 00:20:56,980 --> 00:21:01,200 You just don't, you know. Yeah. Life is not, uh, pre-planned. 331 00:21:02,070 --> 00:21:04,720 Yeah. And if anybody tries to make it pre-planned, 332 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,040 that's when all the problems happen to arise. . 333 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:12,320 I was gonna say. Yeah. And, you know, I'm, I thrive with my checklist. 334 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,440 I thrive off of my schedule, you know, 335 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,000 and if I'm knocked off my schedule a little bit, ooh, I get a little, oh, 336 00:21:19,260 --> 00:21:23,400 you know, I can't. So going with the flow, embracing chaos, 337 00:21:24,380 --> 00:21:26,640 um, that will be the new version of life. 338 00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:31,360 And just, just accepting it all is a challenge. Hmm. You know, and, 339 00:21:31,380 --> 00:21:33,920 and understanding how much you're gonna grow from it Yeah. 340 00:21:34,020 --> 00:21:38,120 And how much you're going to learn. You know, even, even when, when like this, 341 00:21:38,270 --> 00:21:42,800 this little tiny thing comes out and you are learning from that 342 00:21:42,940 --> 00:21:45,680 person, from that very moment on. Yeah. 343 00:21:45,860 --> 00:21:48,280 And for the whole rest of your life. Right. 344 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,680 You're going to learn from that person too. Yeah. 345 00:21:51,180 --> 00:21:53,120 And a friend put it to me this way, who, 346 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:56,920 they have two little ones down the street from us here. And he said to me, yeah, 347 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,880 you know, it's, it's, your life's gonna change overnight, but you won't, you, 348 00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:03,600 you can't imagine a life without them after that. Yep. And I was like. 349 00:22:03,910 --> 00:22:04,640 That is so true. 350 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:05,473 That's profound. 351 00:22:06,420 --> 00:22:09,760 You know, you take a look at it and you go, okay, from one day to the next, 352 00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:14,480 it flipped and mm-hmm. . I wouldn't have it any other way. 353 00:22:15,590 --> 00:22:17,840 Well, thank you so much for joining me. I, 354 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,720 I really appreciate your time and your courage. 355 00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:23,040 Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you for having me, Kai. 356 00:22:29,150 --> 00:22:32,720 This has been a production of Balancing Life's Issues produced by me, 357 00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:33,653 Kai Sorenson. 358 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,240 Subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and you'll get brand new episodes 359 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,640 as they drop. Got an idea for the show. 360 00:22:39,730 --> 00:22:44,440 Leave a comment or email Kai ka i balancing life's issues.com.