Welcome to Balancing Life's Issues. I'm your host Kai,
and we are here as always to help normalize the mental health conversation
around work-life balance
As we celebrate mental health awareness month. Let me drop this phrase on you.
Mental health is health. What was your reaction to that?
I know for myself, it's comforting.
I'm someone who didn't really explore my own mental health until I was well into
my twenties. Turns out I harbor a lot of anger and anxiety. I didn't know that.
And now that I'm on this mental health journey that is full of ups and downs,
I look forward to taking care of myself mentally.
So I can alleviate just a little bit of that pressure,
whether it's journaling in the morning, putting down the laptop for a walk,
or drawing a boundary around a toxic relationship.
These are all tools that I had to learn so I could look forward to prioritizing
myself and know that didn't always come easily.
But why was that? Like so many of us,
the communities we grew up in didn't have the tools to really talk about it.
Listen, there's no one to blame here. We are reflections of our society,
and you can see the mental health conversation being normalized more and more
every day. And today, as we kick off mental health awareness month,
I wanted to talk specifically about uncertainty.
While the importance of living with it,
how many of you get anxious or stressed,
frustrated when something doesn't go according to plan or you just can't seem to
control the outcome of relationship or task?
We are wired to be planners in crave order. I know I am.
I thrive off of my schedule, the consistency, the reliability.
But my wife and I, we have a baby on the way.
So you can imagine the uncertainty we are living with every day.
Did we make a mistake? Will everything go according to plan?
Will my child be safe from gun violence at school
events that bring chaos and uncertainty into our lives leads to fear.
So how do we handle uncertainty? I don't know.
But that's why I've invited my friend and colleague onto the show to talk about
how she has survived in an uncertain world.
Diane Pulley Blank is an exercise physiologist and has worked in the world of
mental health and wellness for over 25 years. Most recently though,
she has found herself delivering trainings, webinars,
and podcasts for balancing life's issues. But first,
I'd like for you to hear her story.
Almost 10 years ago, I guess, um, I started getting, I,
I coughed an awful lot at one point. And um, and my rib started to really hurt.
And I went to my, to my gp and I said, and I said,
and he did all kinds of tests. And he said, oh, you know,
I can't really find anything. But it kept on recurring.
And I went back again and he did another test.
And it turned out I have, um,
bone marrow cancer or what's called multiple myeloma.
So I started treatment for that.
Ended up having a bone marrow transplant in, um,
2014. And then I was fine for a while.
I, everything was great. Then my number started going in the wrong direction.
I had another bone marrow transplant. Um, in 2016.
Everything was great for about four years. And then of course,
things started going south again.
And I had what's called CAR T-cell therapy.
I was in a clinical trial because it was not, um, recognized,
uh, for multiple myeloma at that time.
And I ended up, um, in a, in a clinical trial, I had this CAR T-cell therapy.
And I completed my two years of that particular,
um, trial about, oh,
it was this past September and everything was fine. Everything was going great.
And then in February, my number started going in the wrong direction again.
So my doctor said, well, you know, oh,
we're gonna have to start looking at what else to do,
and probably in the next three to six months,
you're going to need to have something else done.
And he gave me five different alternatives.
And the one that we kind of settled on is, um,
it actually is another clinical trial,
and it is one that would require me to be in the hospital for 10
days to two weeks and then get a treatment every
six weeks for two years.
So what that did to me is it put me in limbo.
I I had to, I had to take a look at all the things that I had planned,
that I had booked, that I was going to be doing, where I was going to be going.
Um, and I ended up having to cancel just a whole bunch of things in anticipation
of what's going to happen down the line. And that is still going on.
So every six weeks now, I have blood work done, and then I have, uh,
an appointment with my doctor.
I actually had one today and things were stable as of today.
So we'll look again in another six weeks,
which means I can plan for the next six weeks.
And then I don't know what's going to happen after that. So it's very,
very uncertain. And it just leaves me, as I said, you know,
kind of in this state of, of limbo. I don't know,
I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what I can plan,
that kind of thing. So it ended up being deep breath time.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I know it takes a lot of courage to be able to do that. Thank you.
Um.
So as you, uh, talk about adjusting to the cadence of life,
right? That what,
no matter I think where you are in life changes anyways,
but for you, it's, it seems to be changing an awful lot.
That's true. That's true. But thank you for saying that.
It changes for everybody because it does. It's not static. You know,
we don't have a roadmap. We don't know what's going to happen.
Who would've predicted a pandemic two years ago, three years ago? Mm-hmm.
. Right, right. Who, who can predict what's going to go on.
And I think that we are adjusting to living in this,
in this feeling of, I don't know what's gonna happen,
but I'm gonna live for today. I'm going to make the most of today,
make the best of everything that's around me. Make whatever plans I wanna make.
And if they have to be changed, eh, they have to be changed.
Sure. You know, you had mentioned a soon to be dad over here. Uh,
we're due July 3rd, so yeah, we just hit 31 weeks.
Ooh, that's so exciting. Congratulations.
Thank you so much. And I shouldn't say we,
I should say my wife just hit 31 weeks. I'm no,
I'm here to help you pick up the slack as needed.
I know two of you hit 31 weeks together. I will guarantee you that .
Well, and you know, I think that's, that's kind of, uh, the,
where I've lived the last, I'd say, couple months especially. I think it,
unfortunately, it took,
it took some time for me to kind of get around to the idea of like, oh,
you're gonna be a dad. Because my body didn't change overnight.
My behaviors didn't change overnight. Um, and so as I've navigated,
navigated that uncertainty within myself, you know,
the things that come out to me are, you know, will, will,
will my baby be born? Okay. Will my wife be okay in the,
in the delivery room? Um,
will my child be safe at preschool?
Will we be safe at the grocery store? You know,
I think these are the unfortunate uncertainties that have been really
present in my life recently. Um, and I,
I guess just for you,
what kinds of things do you do like to help, to help balance yourself?
And when it comes to like, just living with uncertainty?
Okay. Well, as I said, you know, I,
I do try to wake up every morning going, yay.
.
I woke up.
Oh, that's so hard. Some mornings.
It is. It is, it is. You know, and then take that,
that nice deep breath,
figure out what's going on during the day because I'm certain that, you know, I,
I haven't stopped planning things. I have put some things on the,
on the back burner, but I haven't stopped planning things. So I go, okay,
so this is, this is what my day's going to be like today.
And I do actually really try to make time every single day
to, um, at least get a really nice outdoor walk.
Doesn't matter what the weather is, unless it's pouring rain and it's a monsoon,
I don't do it. Then .
The last, the last few days, the last around.
The last few days. Yes, yes. But, but you know, get outside,
get a nice walk, get some exercise in, do some really nice deep breathing,
do some stretching. Just make sure that, um, you know,
I take care of me cuz I, nobody else is going to do that.
And I can't take care of anybody else if I'm not taking care of me.
So that's kind of, you know, what, what I do, I don't, I do not, um,
sort of ruminate and say, oh, this is just terrible. And, um,
the future's not very good. And actually, you know,
when I meet my friends and we go for a walk or we do dinner or we,
whatever, I start off with the ground rules. Hmm. Okay. I set the boundaries,
first of all, I say there are two things. There are two things. First of all,
we're not talking about my medical condition. I'm fine.
We're not talking about it, period. Hmm. And second, we're not talking politics.
There you go.
And those are the ground rules. We can talk about anything else,
but as soon as the ground rules are set,
I think that that really helps everybody to just move on and move
forward, you know?
Yeah. And that, that's,
that's so interesting you bring that up because I think there are, so,
there are,
there are people in our lives who may be affected by a medical condition or some
sort of tragedy or if not them directly,
they have someone in their life that is affected by something.
And sometimes as a friend or even a partner or,
or whatever relationship it is, sometimes it's hard to approach,
um, that person because, you know, you want to, you want to offer support,
but sometimes it's hard, hard to say,
hard to know what to say when someone is dealing Exactly.
With these kinds of things. Yeah.
Yeah. And so to me, I, you know, setting the boundaries Right, right. At the,
at the get-go. I think that that really, uh, really helps. It helps me.
Absolutely. Uhhuh and, and, and, and it knows. And, and you know,
if, if people don't know what your boundaries are,
they don't know when they've overstepped them. Yeah. And so, you know,
just being able to say, this is, you know,
these two things are off the board. Absolutely. And if they stray into that,
I go, no, no, no. Uh, mm-hmm. Not talking about that.
So focus, let's just.
Move on.
So when you're dealing with uncertainty, you know,
focusing on what you can control.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Because there's so much that's not within our control that we think should be,
and we have to recognize that No, we don't get to control at all. Yeah.
We really don't. So, you know, this is, this is what I have, um,
control over. I have oversight of whatever you wanna call it mm-hmm.
. And that's, that's where I'm going to make my focus.
Doesn't mean that, that you put on blinders and say, oh,
there's nothing else out there because there is mm-hmm. ,
there's other stuff out there. Yeah. But, you know,
you just get your focus going in the direction that is going to do the best
for you, your family, your friends, and everybody that you meet.
When, when it comes to can't, you know, inability to control something. I,
the book I'm reading about kind of what,
what's happening to my wife right now through this pregnancy.
What's going to happen to her in the living room, the, you know,
the weeks after. It's, it's a very data driven approach. The book is,
which I really appreciate. Um-huh ,
it just kind of takes a lot of the science of it all and just kind of,
cuz you know, you can go on the internet and find an answer to anything or,
or go find, find what you want to hear. Of course.
I appreciate this book's view. Yep. On,
on kind of just taking information and being like, Hey,
here's the data and you can make a decision about that.
But the book also points out that just cuz we have data doesn't mean you're in
control.
Right, exactly. Exactly.
And if you take a look at the world and what's been going on and what's been
going on in our country, um, you know, that, you know,
you don't have control over it all, but you do the best that you can.
So when we talk about managing that, you know,
taking preventative steps to enhance our help and seeking,
you know, professional, mental and emotional support, uh,
when we need it, speaking to what goes on in,
in the world around us, you know, in, in our country, things like
these horrible school shootings, public mass shootings, um,
when we look at the world, it's, it's the war in Ukraine. Um, it's,
you know, it's a tsunami that's devastated mm-hmm. a country. Um,
but, but ultimately we have to bring it back to ourselves and manage,
manage ourselves. And,
and one thing I heard recently that really stuck out to me is that I am
the expert on myself.
Great words.
I, you know, I, I know, I know what's best for me,
but that also means putting into work to understand who that person is.
Right. Do, do you know what I mean by that?
I think so. What it always seems to me is that it boils down to it's hard to be
introspective. It's hard to look at yourself. It's hard to say,
okay, you know, this is really me mm-hmm. ,
and these are the things that I'm concerned about.
These are the things that I have control over.
These are the things I don't have control over.
And actually getting that down so that it's,
it it works for you. Right. Is that,
is that kind of what what you're getting at?
Yeah. And I'd say more like understanding your baseline. So, you know,
as we look at mental health awareness month, I know for myself, uh,
because I've been on a mental health journey myself,
that anxiety for me Sunday night through Tuesday is totally
normal.
Mm-hmm.
, if that anxiety is still within me, kind of beyond,
beyond those days, then I have to like, I have to, like,
I have to do some searching. I have to figure out, okay, what,
what's going on right now that I haven't necessarily let go of?
Uhhuh . Oh, interesting. Uhhuh . You.
Know, so when I talk about baseline, that's, I,
that's like what I'm referring to. So like, I think for yourself, do,
do you have an idea of what your baseline is as you,
as you navigate like your medical condition?
I hope I do. I hope I do. I think that, you know, my,
my baseline really is everything's okay until it's not,
and we'll deal with it then. Mm-hmm.
.
You know, I don't, I I I I,
I've gone through the whole thing of, of worrying and being upset and,
and, you know, um, the, the, the not knowing what's going to happen,
the uncertainty of the future. And I finally went, stop it. Yeah. You know,
.
Just stop.
Everything is fine until it's not. Yeah. And then something,
well, something else will come up. I know when I was first diagnosed, they said,
okay, well, you know, lifespan is eight to 10 years. Wow.
But everything's changing. They said, and they said,
this particular disease, things are changing every single year.
And every year in December,
there's a new conference where they show everything that that's new that's going
on out there mm-hmm. . Right. And that's what's happening,
you know, that there is so much research being done into, I'm very lucky.
There's so much research being done into my disease that there are
different options. Like, you know,
three years ago there would not have been CAR T-cell, uh, treatment for this.
It just wouldn't. Car T-cell is is is where they,
they take out your T-cells and they re-engineer them and then
put them back to fight the cancer that may come up again.
You know, that didn't exist three years ago. So, you know,
there's stuff on the horizon, and as long as you keep looking, oh,
there's the horizon . Yeah. It's over there. Yeah. It's good. It's good.
Wow. So I think my horizon is, you know, a baby boy,
nice and healthy uhhuh in our arms. Yes. July 3rd. Yes. At some point. Um.
So exciting.
. So can I ask you, what were some uncertainties you had, you know,
when you had your first child?
Uh, well, let me tell you. I was, um, I was overseas. I was living in France,
in, in Gr Noble. My husband was, um, he had, uh, we,
we had decided together that we would accept this position, um,
at the University of Gr Noble. And he was a professor. And, and, you know,
then I became pregnant and I went to, uh, I went to a doctor.
They said, yes, you're pregnant. Um,
now you have to go call the hospital and book your,
your appointment for to have the baby. I said, okay.
This was in, um, like February. I was due.
In July. We called the hospital and they said, oh, sorry,
we're full.
. What? That's not how it works, .
Sorry, we're full. No, I, I'm, of course my,
it was my husband who called and he said, what about August ? Mm-hmm.
. And they said, no. And they, and they said, so I ended up at a,
at a private clinic instead, you know, with a wonderful midwife and,
and a and a great, um, ob gyn. He was fabulous.
And, you know, but then you,
you have this thing that you don't really know what to do with all of a sudden
one day you didn't have it, and the next day you do . Right?
Yeah.
And so, uh, so the learning curve started.
It was pretty steep right then. Mm-hmm. and the uncertainties,
I didn't have family around. Okay.
We were spending one year in GR Noble, and then we were moving to Germany.
So I was going to have to completely change cultures again with a,
with a newborn. Wow. You know, she was, uh,
she was two months old when we moved. Um, you know, just all of these things,
you don't know what's going to happen. And yet, you know what,
you go with the flow. Mm-hmm. , you.
Just go with the flow.
You go with the flow. You just say, okay, um, alright. Right.
I have a place to live. Good. Um, I don't speak German,
I'll learn mm-hmm. . And I did, you know, um,
I did speak French and I was actually very lucky. I,
I went up to the Wal the markets in, uh, we were in bond in Germany,
and I went to all the markets and I found a, a green grocer who spoke French,
uh, you know, and somebody else who spoke English. And you know,
and you get through that way. And it, it's not that,
that you know what's going to happen. Mm. Because you don't. Yeah.
You just don't, you know. Yeah. Life is not, uh, pre-planned.
Yeah. And if anybody tries to make it pre-planned,
that's when all the problems happen to arise. .
I was gonna say. Yeah. And, you know, I'm, I thrive with my checklist.
I thrive off of my schedule, you know,
and if I'm knocked off my schedule a little bit, ooh, I get a little, oh,
you know, I can't. So going with the flow, embracing chaos,
um, that will be the new version of life.
And just, just accepting it all is a challenge. Hmm. You know, and,
and understanding how much you're gonna grow from it Yeah.
And how much you're going to learn. You know, even, even when, when like this,
this little tiny thing comes out and you are learning from that
person, from that very moment on. Yeah.
And for the whole rest of your life. Right.
You're going to learn from that person too. Yeah.
And a friend put it to me this way, who,
they have two little ones down the street from us here. And he said to me, yeah,
you know, it's, it's, your life's gonna change overnight, but you won't, you,
you can't imagine a life without them after that. Yep. And I was like.
That is so true.
That's profound.
You know, you take a look at it and you go, okay, from one day to the next,
it flipped and mm-hmm. . I wouldn't have it any other way.
Well, thank you so much for joining me. I,
I really appreciate your time and your courage.
Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you for having me, Kai.
This has been a production of Balancing Life's Issues produced by me,
Kai Sorenson.
Subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and you'll get brand new episodes
as they drop. Got an idea for the show.
Leave a comment or email Kai ka i balancing life's issues.com.