If you are an ally, you know it.
And if you're not an ally, you know,
it is because 2 people know each other
and have a connection that my friend who
has different political values recognize that we all
have hearts, we all have families. We all
love and sometimes it's a chosen family.
Welcome to bouncing Life's issues the podcast. And
today, we are here to celebrate pride month
and ask the question why do we celebrate
pride month?
Sure we could take 30 days to hang
a flag and attend a parade, but what
are we doing in our communities or our
work environments to create inclusive spaces.
So that people we know and love don't
have to live in fear.
As we sit here today, the Ac is
tracking 516
anti
Lgbtq bills in Us,
including but not limited to curriculum
censorship, health care restrictions, facility bans, sports bands,
and even forced outing in cools.
The ups and downs are stark.
Recently for myself, a neighbor approached our home
taking note of our pride flag and invited
us to a pride party that they were
having.
How cool is that moment for us because
that's why we fly our flag to help
inform members of of our community that this
is a safe place
However, on that very same day at the
local brewery, I overheard that a patron had
point at the American flag saying that was
the flag that they fought for, then pointed
at the pride flag saying I didn't fight
for that 1. Like
The ups and downs are stark.
So today, I wanted to bring on B
senior trainer Laurie Jones, who after becoming a
veteran
has had a 30 year career as an
applied soc,
working in education and government to talk to
us about how far we've come since she
came out in 19 81,
while recognizing how much farther we have to
go.
Welcome to the podcast, Laurie.
Hi. Exciting to see you Kai. I'm glad
that we're talking about this today. Feels good.
It's Pride man.
Exactly. Yes. And it's it's been wonderful getting...
To know you, you know, through our pre
call. I'm finally excited just to rip the
lid off and just kind of chat. So
I guess tell our audience about yourself and
your work with the Lgbtq communities.
So I've been out for a long time.
I came out in night. 19 81 when
Diana Ross released. I'm coming out, So, that
was a a great s to dance too
in the early eighties. 19 I have been
Lesbian since early early eighties, and it's... I'm
now in my... In my early twenties, I'm
now on my early sixties.
I did receive an honorable discharge for our
homosexuality or buy homosexuality from the United States
Navy in 19 86,
at And others did not. Others did not,
there were witch Hunts and it wasn't
their choice to leave the... Service.
I also was in the... So what what
was the climate of the time of the
military
that led to you being discharged? You know,
it was a good time, and it was
the best of times in the worst of
times. When Lesbian would find each other, or
we would go
overseas. To the gay bars, and we would,
you know, have each other's backs, and and
and we would...
There were places, mostly
mostly bars and establishments that encode words that
we would use to
identify each other and
you know, it was also...
So there there was a lot of fun,
and there was a lot of
identification and there were safe spaces. Gotcha.
Bookstores, women's bookstores were safe spaces.
Being in the military, being on a ship,
you knew who and who was and wasn't.
So
we would have each other's backs. It was
before Don't Nasa tell. Yeah. So,
nobody told.
And with Don't ask don't tell,
you know, people would tell and they could
get, you know, discharged for, you know, the
intention of Don't ask Tell is to make
it better for, gays serving in the military,
and it really didn't because the military wasn't...
Yeah. It made it worse. Board. So after
your time in the military where,
like... What was happening in your life at
that time and in what direction did that
take you in? I actually got out of
the military
because of my sexual orientation, and I did
get... Report from some gay rights,
advocates to actually not get less than an
honorable because I had not done anything wrong.
Gotcha.
What I did was I started going back
to school. I got a masters and AAAA
bachelor's and a master's in sociology, and I
studied.
You know, queer theory. I was in the
first ever,
queer studies course at San diego State University.
Oh, How cool. And then I worked in
each Debbie prevention for 25 years. So I've
got to take my
interest in sociology to, the work of Debbie
Hiv prevention, which
disproportionately
impacts both
homosexual and trans and non binary people. Yeah.
And so you were you were on the
ground working during, like, the Hiv crisis and
Yeah. In the eighties. It started... I started
in the early nineties and once medications came
out to make,
Hiv
treat as a chronic illness, you know, things
changed. But
the early days were very terrifying. And the
Lesbian in the community
were there for the gay, and we lost
many, You know, We went to many funerals
and Today's young men in Hiv
prevention. Don't really know. They have social amnesia.
They don't really understand where we've come from
from you know, the beginning. Right.
Remove Yeah. Remove from that time. Yeah. Yeah.
It's like it's, like, something off and I'll
I'll reflect on is you know, through these
kinds of interviews like, something like the civil
rights movement
was not long ago. Right? Or or, you
know, women being able to get a credit
card for the first time was
not that long ago. So it's like, it's
interesting that these, you pockets of people
have are gaining or still trying to gain,
like
true full rights, and and, like, in truly
inclusive
places of of work, like, for example, And
so
I I guess when it comes to that,
it all feels so polarizing right now, and
that's, you know, it's really unfortunate that it
does. So, like, I guess as you look
at pride month?
Like, what comes to mind?
And
I, yeah. What does it mean to you?
You know, I've I feel sincerely proud. I
feel sincerely proud. Proud to say I'm a
Lesbian, proud to say I'm out.
Proud that my niece who's in her thirties
has come out as queer and is, I,
in a relationship with a non binary aid
identified individual proud to be supportive of her
when there isn't always support even in the
Lgbtq I a plus community,
you know, sometimes the Lg
doesn't wrap its brain well around concepts like
non binary or people choosing queer? Right. Do
you mean Lesbian gay
wrapping around how the acronym has grown.
I mean, I can give you an example.
I work in Hiv prevention with a lot
of old bike game in. And I love
them. I've worked with a lot of... Yeah
trans women,
and
I understand and know those groups because I've
worked with them for decades.
And on the horizon
comes this idea of non binary. And
I've seen people say, you know, in Hiv
prevention and and in in any any government
work, they want you to put people on
boxes, and now we have another box. Right?
Another box for non binary. But...
I have met and worked with people who
have chosen to transition. They've transitioned successfully.
I've known people that have
started to transition and decided not to. Mh.
It's not uncommon in my over 40 years
being in out, Lesbian
over the years to have had friends that
were in relationships where,
a woman identified, a trans person,
changes their gender and then is now in
a relationship with the woman, so, you know,
they are not typically
He sexual, but, you know, you've got a
man identified with a woman identified
relationships. So there are so many possibilities over
the years of doing the work in Hiv.
You've tech prevention really
understanding. You know, the younger
generations really get it about... They don't really
wanna have to be put in a box.
They wanna be able to express themselves and,
you know, both masculine and feminine sides. So
I see that and I understand that but.
A lot of people in my age group
may not. I've I've seen and watch people
say you decide. Are you gonna be gay
straight? Just make... Mom. Yeah. You do hear
that. Sometimes in my family, I've seen that
happen. Yeah. So Sure. Yeah. The fight the
family dynamics are are a huge part of
this. Right? And your like, a lot of
what you're... I'm hearing is just like this
generational difference
in in, like, sexuality and how we define
ourselves. So I guess, what's your advice to
someone in your age group
around that discussion? And then what would be
your advice
for someone in younger generation on how...
How even the community itself can can better
understand and a align. You know, ignorance and
hate still exist. And... Yeah. Well it was
a radical movement when, you know, Stonewall occurred
when great gay pride began has become a
liberal movement. Where we wanna change the system
within the system rather than just, you know,
obliterate the system. And my advice to people
that are in my age group is to
have an open mind in an open heart.
You know, You've gone to gay pride festivals,
I... Took my nieces and nephews when they
were in their teens, and they made a
sign for me that says I love my
rainbow
ant, they used a little ant to like,
a little aunt on the... And they carried
the. Flag
my nephew who was only 13 years old
said he was very offended. By many of
the men
because sure. Way of presenting, and I think...
U. You know, to just be and live
in the openness, of what it is to
be who you are fully, and to know
that you're lovable,
you know, for my... For the younger generations
for my niece and those coming after her
for the, you know, really young adolescents that
are are trans, and there are now getting
services to support their transition, You know, that
that lovely campaign, you know,
it gets better. U. You know, the messaging
that You know, we all have a right
to love who we wanna love and to
experience our bodies and our
identification in ways that are... Are right for
us. So
because Yeah. I studied being a soc, it
was never diff... Quote for me. And in
my family, my family accepted me. I was
very lucky that I come from
people that. That seems like it's not the
the norm. Right? In terms of acceptance at
that time with your family? No. I mean,
I know a lot of people that have
experienced a lot of hate cr. The other
thing about me is that I passed. I
passed. Wait, if I... Unless I come out,
People don't think that I'm a Lesbian.
I pass this heterosexual, but I've always come
out. I'm gonna gonna come out frequently and
always you know, can occasionally in my trainings,
I'll come out just because I think it
if it's helpful to people to understand and
know and they see and I identify with
someone and there is a person, you know,
that is that's...
You know, I am who I am. And
so I believe that I need to be
proud all year round, And this month, there
is an elevated sense of hope for me.
Yes. There's hate crime. Yes There's backlash.
I was talking to my sister and she
said, know, I'm really concerned
about how
this negative thing you talked about with regard
to the flag, that how that that...
You know messaging is out there. It is...
It's disturbing. I mean, it's disturbing and it's
get d,
and it's
sometimes very destabilizing.
And we need to get forward We can't
sugar coat it. Bike, It is happening. We
need to go forward together. We need to
go forward in our families,
in our work, in our play, being who
we are.
You know, finding safe spaces,
and I think the consciousness
of the younger
generation you know, even the fact that I
do trainings for employee assistance programs, and
employee assistance programs, can offer
support and assistance to family members of people
that are employed that are going through gender
identification
challenges or, you know, choices about orientation. They're
very different,
orientation and gender are different, but we can
celebrate all of it with the Lgbt lgbtq
Right? And, you know, on that topic of
employee assistance programs because that's, you know, B
exists.
To help create inclusive work environments. Right? We're
at 1 where
anybody can show up to work, not having
to live in fear,
not having to
compartment their home life and then their work
life.
So I guess what for you and your
experience with all these trainings you've done, like,
what are some of the biggest mistakes you've
seen
companies make as they, you know,
apply inclusive,
policies call it.
And and what are some things that you've
seen gone really well. So I can give
an example of a miss... Steak. And,
on an example of what really works. So
the slogan in Hiv prevention is nothing about
us with about us. And, where I worked
at, for a government agency, we did a
campaign
that was,
focusing on rather than targeting. It's our language
that matters. We're focusing on a
population and
they didn't have anybody from the population involved
in development of the campaign. They put up
a billboard in a part of town with
not the ethnicity.
Of the folks that lived in that area
of town, and there were complaints about it,
and they didn't take it down, and I
like the idea of what works is when
you have
the people involved in the marketing campaigns or
the people involved in the messaging,
give you the messages, and give you ideas
for what to call things and and teach
you. Yeah. The things we do right are
Mh. Understanding
and the
multiple layers of a of oppression and and
discrimination and things that trans folks experience and
really bring to it
a human, a sense of heart and understanding
that You know, I have a friend who
has a different political orientation than me, and
maybe orientation is the wrong word, but he
is,
I've educated him a lot. And he's educated
me too because he's gonna vote Howard he
votes, and
he has
a daughter that wants to transition to be
in a male, and he that can't wrap
his brain around it to save his life
and it is
this
tension of
how do you love someone the way they
are when you're afraid that they're gonna make
their life hard.
My mother was afraid when I came out
to her when I was 21 that my
life was gonna be harder. She was afraid
for me. I watched my sister do that
just... Some degree with her daughter regarding
just this choice and why, you know, this
has her choice. So So I think I
guess what I heard in in some of
that was
if you are a company, and you believe...
Like, inclusive work environments you need to be
better about that. And you look around your
upper management and maybe everybody's white or maybe
Everybody's... You know, maybe there's no female representation.
So
outsource
that, you know, perspective because you need that.
In order to make effective policies that are
gonna work for you. And I think on
the other side of that I heard is
just be ready to listen, and
a affirm as opposed to try to understand.
Is that sound right? Yeah. I mean, there's
a a lot of things companies can do.
They can provide trainings. Super important.
They can support and celebrate diversity, inclusion and
equity initiatives,
employee resource groups I was on the employee
resource group for the
Lgbtq and allies.
They can really enlist people in this idea
of being an Ally because
we need everybody.
We we do things that where the government
that I work for where they light up
the The county administration building with the pride
lights and have events where people can celebrate.
And,
I think Mh. That's what we wanna do.
I mean, for me, pride is celebrating. I
mean, I could just... I could tear... Yeah.
Absolutely. I could tear up about, you know,
all the pride events I've been to. Right
now, at San Diego County is 5 hours
long.
It is painful.
Because you have to, like, I mean, everybody
all the churches, all the point politicians, all
that... I mean, and it is a... It
everybody. And and it's been c opted. You
know, by where a market, So people wanna
make money off. So you go to get
pride. You pay a lot of money. You
go to police But the spirit of it
is, you know, the the those women, those
trans women
that, were in Stonewall. That wanted into fight
for their brothers and sisters that, you know,
we continue to open our mind about what
is the fight and in the workplace. Right.
No
diversity and inclusion is about letting people bring
all of themselves to work so that they
feel safe and they can do who they
are and they contribute perspectives. I would say
we need a hire. We need to hire,
not just bring in someone is a representative
and as a volunteer and Hiv prevention, a
It's it's a it's about getting the people,
you know, some acknowledgement of their expertise and
their knowledge and their experience. By hiring. So
I guess, last question, wrap it up, and
thank you so much for your time.
I guess so it's this idea of
how how can someone be the best Ally
possible, that's not just lip service. As I
guess as you were pointing out.
Boy that. I mean, it's a good question.
If you are an ally, you know it.
I have many, many, many, Yeah. Many friends
are allies. And if you're not an ally,
you know, it is because 2 people know
each other and have a connection that my
friend who has different political values.
I know he has a heart, and he
has a family and he loves.
So if we all, you know, recognize that
we all have hearts, we all have family...
Families, we all love, and sometimes it's a
chosen family. Yeah. You know, sometimes the family
that we're connecting to is our community and
activities and things we're doing and families Some
people have to leave their families. They have
to leave, you know, parts of the United
States and go live in some place really
liberal like California.
And,
all the support that we can do along
the way, you know, for the ally is
to, you know, be
be a human. You know, be kind.
Be, you know, clear and kind. Yeah. That
that's a beautiful way to put it. Be
human be kind. So
Laurie, thank you so much for your your
message of love and hope, that
and, you know, thank you for your your...
All the effort that you've put into the
community and
Yeah. I look forward to many conversations down
the road. So
thanks again for your time. Super proud, super
proud. Good to meet Kai. Good job. Then
I look forward to another conversation in the
future.
But Lori wasn't the only B trainer eager.
And share a message about pride month. Greetings
and happy fried. My name is Ra Colon,
Bae she pronouns.
I'm an emotional intelligence consultant and a proud
trainer for balancing life's issues.
I host trainings pertaining to emotional health.
Relationships and mental health. And for us over
here, the best way to celebrate pride is
to be radically honest with yourself, and step
into your authenticity una.
Bon Lad,
communications trainer and consultant.
Some of the areas of my expertise are
nonverbal
communication, managing and developing teams,
how to make effective decisions.
How to make the most of feedback, critical
thinking,
overcoming negativity
and nonverbal
communication.
My message for pride.
They're celebrating,
educating,
advocating, marching,
But my
main
thought for us today is
to
authenticate,
authenticating,
Be yourself.
Find your voice.
Be yourself.
Hello. My name is John Eb. I am
a mastermind mindset life coach. And certified behavioral
consultant. Trainings you can expect to hear from
me with B,
compassionate
leadership
building a culture of kindness
and mental health concerns in the workplace just
to name a few. And what's my message
on celebrating pride month this year,
connect.
Connect, connect, connect, get out into the community.
Take note of all of the amazing
organizations. In your your local community that celebrate
the diversity of thought, the diversity of life
and build strong
relationships Have fun, be safe,
happy pride.
This has been a production of balancing life's
issue. With your host, Kai Sore, and Wendy
Warner. Produced by me. Kai. Rate, leave review
and subscribe to the podcast podcasts wherever you
listen. So you can get brand new episodes
they drop. Got an idea for the show?
Email me KAI at balancing life's issues dot
com. Anything to add miles?
As