- Belief is just a thought that I've thought a lot.
So if I believe I can't, if I shift that thinking,
I can believe something different
and I can be something different
and it's time to be something different.
- Welcome to balancing Life's Issues, the podcast.
I'm your host Kai, and today we're here
to continue the celebration of Women's History Month
by sharing the stories of inspiring women
and honoring the choices
that they've made throughout their lives.
Today, Wendy invited National speaker, trainer,
and Toastmasters graduate Rock Alon onto the podcast Raw.
Got their bachelor's in strategic communication from the
University of North Texas and claimed their master's in
clinical counseling from UNT Dallas.
They went on to found their own emotional intelligence
consulting company in 2020.
Take it away, Wendy.
- Hey Rah, how are ya?
- I'm doing so well this morning, Wendy,
how about yourself? Good.
- I'm so happy you like, popped in to my living room
and, um, I love talking to brilliant women, so thank you.
Um, I appreciate that.
And, and we're, we're just taking some time out this month
to highlight, um, women
and especially caring smart, amazing women that are helping
to change the world in their own way.
So instead of me introducing you,
I'm gonna just throw it over to you.
Like, can you tell our everyone who you are?
- Absolutely. So my name is Raw Kalon de She pronouns.
I am the creator and owner of Raw Kalon Coaching
and Consulting, an emotional intelligence agency
that helps individuals, couples, communities,
and companies understand
that they are not simply enough, but they are more than.
So in a nutshell, I just help people, people better
through welcoming with them, with emotional health
and emotional intelligence.
And it's been a lifelong journey and very fulfilling.
- You know, it, it's so funny
'cause sometimes you ever just take a step back
and say like, don't they know this already?
Like, and what would you say?
Like, but the problem Wendy is,
- Oh, the problem Wendy, is
that people don't trust themselves.
There are lots of things that we know,
we know on a deep cellular level.
However, we have been conditioned throughout life
to trust people
and circumstances external to us, outside of us.
And so, especially as women, especially as women of color,
I know that I can find myself having imposter syndrome
or self-doubt that just inhibits me from living
in my full potential.
So what I've been able to do
and what I'm doing all my life is removing those layers
of doubt, revealing the truth, and then embodying that
and reminding other people to do the same.
- Oh my goodness. I need tip number one.
- Tip number one is sit with yourself,
become comfortable in your own solitude.
You'll be amazed at how quickly you go into survival mode.
As soon as you sit your butt down to actually be still.
You just don't trust it. There's been so much go, go, go
that you think that if you're sitting still,
you're missing something.
But really by not sitting still
and sitting with you, sitting in your own solitude,
you're missing everything.
You're missing how you are feeling
and your feelings determine what you think
and your thoughts determine your behavior.
So yeah, that's thought number one. Suggestion number one.
- So rock, can you share with us like when
that's been a challenge for you?
Like, can you share a particular story about
where it's like been like, you know, Winnie, I get it
because it's been hard because,
- Well, I think it's, uh, the easiest story
to think about is starting your own business.
You know, you know that you have a gift.
I have always had a gift with speaking.
I've always had a gift with words, writing, playwriting,
connecting with people.
And when I went through grad school
and I got my master's in clinical counseling, it seemed easy
to go the path that everyone else would go be a counselor,
be a licensed counselor, go that direction.
But the community that I was working with, the community
that I was around, honestly didn't trust counselors,
didn't trust therapists,
and was much more interested in having someone to talk to.
Just someone who could help them unpack how they feel.
And so terms like coaching, oh,
- Wait a minute, raw, how many people told you
that it was a bad idea to start your own business?
- You know, it wasn't so much
that people told me it was a bad idea.
They would just ask questions that would point to doubt.
Interesting. No one had the audacity,
especially if you know me and how big I dream.
No one had the audacity to say, that's a bad idea.
They would try to poke holes.
They, and, and it wasn't even that they wanted
to discourage me, they wanted me to be prepared.
And that's what a lot of people do,
- Right?
Because we shield you from being hurt, right? I mean, they
- Wanna shield you, but really they're just really setting
you up to be hurt by not trusting yourself.
So starting this organization, starting this platform,
it is one of those moments where self-awareness, self-trust,
self-acceptance and really leaning into your
gift making room for you.
All of that started with this.
- So do you have women that you go to not maybe even
that you know, or that you don't know,
I don't know if you wanna use the word role model or mentor.
Do you have those people, like when you walk in a room
and you're networking, are there a lot of women
or there a lot of women of color
and you're like, I wanna be like her.
- There's a handful of women that I want
to be in the same opportunities as her.
I can say that at this point in life,
there's no other woman I want to be other than me.
Uh, but I do have Dr. Quinta, Dr. Chandler.
These are experts in the field of mental health
and emotional health that I enjoy being able to reach out
to when my world is spending.
And let's be clear, just
because you know how to help people with their emotions
and their mindset doesn't mean
that you are constantly working on your own maintenance.
- Yeah, it's so true.
You know, one thing here at at BLI that's always important
to us is we talk a little bit about holistically,
like our own health, our own family.
So will you share with us like a little bit about what's the
other world like over there for you, raw,
like your family, your health? How's it going for you?
- I would say that my body is changing.
I'm 32 and I can tell and I can feel that.
So I'm learning what my body needs right now.
So my health is doing well because I'm paying attention,
but I'm looking forward to
what this next evolution looks like.
My family is doing well, we are thriving
and grateful to be doing so.
This marks the 10 year anniversary
of my mother passing away.
And so this 10 year moment, there's a lot of full circle.
There's a lot of appreciation for not being in the depths
of grief like we were, but still knowing
that grief holds a place within us,
we've just grown bigger than the grief at this point.
So I'm more than proud of my family.
- Do you think that, like, as a woman, when you look at
where you mean 32?
I'm 62, so we got a little age thing.
I'm enough to be your mom over here. Right?
I'll ask you this question, and I don't mean it negative,
but it does come out a little negative,
is we just haven't made enough progress.
I feel like we just haven't made enough progress.
Um, and it's, it gets to me some mornings.
How are you feeling about like women and our empowerment?
- You know, I, I think that we have made,
we've made progress, but there's always more to be done
for me and my perspective.
It really is about appreciating where you're at
and using that as a catalyst to get to the next place.
I find that if I'm always only having my sight set on
where I want to get to without acknowledging all
that it took to get to here, that I can start
to come off ungrateful and I'll get fussy
and then I'll start to put up obstacles
that aren't even necessarily there.
But if I start to see how I've overcome obstacles,
I've had 100% success,
success rate at getting to where I'm at.
Even if there were some scenic routes versus
some shortcuts that I wanted,
- Oh, I like that scenic route idea.
- The scenic route, you know, take,
taking all the scenery, taking the views.
But by this point now I am just eager to see women embody,
honoring the desires of their heart,
not feeling selfish for that.
Recognizing self care is self preservation
and that by doing so, you have more to give to the rest
of your village, to the rest of the community.
And by honoring that unapologetically, that's
what I'm interested in.
And I know that our progress is going
- On.
So let me ask you the hardest question. What's that?
Now in context, I have been called some names along the way
'cause I want what I want, what I want it.
Mm-Hmm, and
that word witch, but it has a different name.
Mm-Hmm. rhyme. Different first letter. Mm-Hmm.
. Has it ever happened
to you? And how do you feel about that?
- You know, with the energy that I have, Wendy,
people don't talk to me like that.
And if they talk about me like that, they know better than
to do it to my face because I,
- But how, tell me how you set that boundary.
How did you change that? Like, what did you do, rod?
That I can learn from that They would never
say that about me, Wendy.
'cause that's what I hear you saying. They would never
- Do that.
Well, they wouldn't do it to my face.
I don't know what they do when they're not
in front of me, but they wouldn't do
- It.
And, and you know what, I'm good with that
'cause we can't control control that.
But, but what do you think? What do you think you've done?
And I, I mean, really tell me what do you think you've done
that that's just not part of the conversation
where they would say to your face, you know,
you're a a, a witch.
Mm-Hmm. . But the other one
- I've respected myself
and I have put myself in positions
where other people respect me too.
So that even when they disagree with me, there's no need
to talk crazy to one another.
And also they know that I am so observant
and I am so aware of how I navigate people
and how I lead with humility.
That if they did get that low vibrational,
if they did choose to behave that emotionally immature,
they would be kicking themselves out
of an opportunity to work with me.
So when we disagree, they just find an amicable way to do it
because why would you wanna miss out on someone
who has this much to offer? Whoa,
- Whoa.
You know what I hear from you and I appreciate it
and it is something that I think we need so much more.
I self-confidence,
- Uh, and, and self-confidence.
Not arrogance confidence.
- Yeah. But you know, ra this is gonna be silly,
but let's, let's turn this into a
real coaching moment for a minute.
Okay? I went to a function last night
and there were a lot of people there,
and I, I thought I looked nice, I was pretty happy
and, but not, and, and the people were dressed
and, you know, it was pretty, you know, upscale.
Not one person commented on my attire,
but they did on everyone else's.
Mm mm-Hmm, . And I went home
and I thought, I don't think a
man would ever care about that. Why do I care?
- Mm. - Where, well, what happens with that?
What's wrong with me ?
- Well, it's not even. And I love when people ask
that question, what's wrong with me?
A better question is what happened to me?
It's not, what's wrong with you? What happened?
And what happens with most women is that we're conditioned
to find value in our appearance,
not necessarily at the same level that we do with
what we are contributing.
And so even with that being the case,
you have this thoughtfulness over,
I put intention into how I look.
I want other people to appreciate that.
But at the end of the day, as long as you enjoyed
how you were styling, that's what matters. You know,
- What would be the last thing?
Like if you were, if you were, you know, you're on your,
your ability now to communicate to the world and,
and no script, um,
women's history month, you would say
- What I would say women, it's time.
The future is female,
but the present moment is divinely feminine.
I would say that the door is locked from the inside.
So stop waiting for someone to come and save you.
You have all the things you're equipped,
even if you don't feel prepared to save yourself.
It just comes with sitting your butt down
and getting familiar with who that self you're saving is
leading with that self-acceptance
and that unconditional compassion that it is not
what is wrong with me, but what happened to me
that conditioned me to perceive things this way.
And that a belief is just a thought that I've thought a lot.
So if I believe I can't, if I shift that thinking,
I can believe something different
and I can be something different
and it's time to be something different.
- I don't think you could get any better than that.
She's a freaking genius off.
So I, all I can do is tell you I'm grateful
for your relationship and your words and yeah, thank you.
- Of course. Well have me on anytime.
I love coming to your, your living room and talking with
- You.
- Big thanks to Raw Kalan and Wendy for today's episode.
If you'd like to hear more from Raw,
you can catch your hosting this month's free BLI webinar
titled Leadership
for Women on March 29th at 1:00 PM Eastern.
Registration information is available at
bli-info.com/free webinars.
Until next time, everyone take care.
This has been a production of Balancing Life's Issues
with your hosts, Kai Sorenson
and Wendy Woner, produced by me Kai Rate.
Lie a review and subscribe to the podcast
wherever you listen so you can get brand new
episodes as they drop.
Got an idea for the show.
Email me, k i@balancinglifesissues.com. Anything to add?
Miles.