.
Welcome to Balancing Life's Issues. As always, I'm your host Kai,
and I'm here with c e o of b l I, Wendy Wollner. How are you today? Had.
A good run this morning. Thanks, Ross.
Oh, nice. I'm not gonna ask you your minute. Mile. There.
You go. Moving.
On. So, today's really exciting because, you know,
we're talking about going back to school. Uh, you have raised three.
Can you kind of speak to some of those anxieties getting back to school?
Yeah. You know, I think the first thing that's so important is, you know,
the media gives us different messages, right?
So you've got the parents who can't wait to get their kids out,
and you've got those, those party commercials that are like, yay,
the kids are gone. I never felt like that. Um,
I felt very melancholy about my kids going off to school. Um,
I certainly felt very anxious. I felt the financial stress,
and I learned very quickly not to get wrapped up in the back to school.
You don't have to buy everything new. Right.
I think what's really important about the messaging is to,
I love school and the,
the most important message is this should be filled with passion and
excitement. Mm-hmm.
back to school should be that really exciting time,
and that's the energy we wanna bring into our home.
Absolutely. And, you know, as one with a seven week old and my mind,
I'm fast forwarding to four year old miles. Yeah.
Getting ready to go to school for the first time. So, you know, ideas like,
you know, sleep, you know, eating, um, you know, you, you had mentioned it,
you know, what's necessary versus what we want in shopping, you know,
all that kind of stuff. Yeah.
I think what's really, I mean, look, let me for a minute, dream here,
or if I was gonna dream big, and I, I,
I hope parents haven't let it get totally out of control. Right.
I hope the kids have had some type of bedtime all summer long,
but if they haven't, you know, it's really important to rip off the bandaid and,
um, and, and send your children to school fully charged. Mm-hmm. ,
we talk about that charge idea all the time. Right. That.
Body battery we were talking about last week. Yeah.
You know, I was a teacher and I can tell you that I am not a boring teacher,
, and if you're falling asleep in my class.
I don't believe that you're not.
A boring teacher. And I've taught kindergarten, I've taught fourth grade,
I've taught high school. The reality is our job, primary job as,
as a family member is to get our children excited from the minute they walk in
that program. Mm-hmm. the, the door to the minute they leave.
So they should be well fed.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And, you know, it is exciting,
but we do know what we've experienced the last few years. It can be scary. Yeah.
There can be a lot of anxiety. Covid is still out there.
There is a resurgence currently. Yeah. Um, so, you know,
what I wanted to do was I wanted to bring on an expert, like we love to do.
Love it. Um, her name's Liz Buffington.
She's a lecturer at San Diego State University. She's a certified teacher.
She has a master's in digital education and leadership,
and she's working on her PhD and, you know,
I'm just gonna bring her on to talk to us and parents, my child,
soon to be at this age, um,
just about how to navigate all these things we've been talking about,
but especially, uh, the anxieties of going back to school when,
when we might be scared to go back to school.
Yeah. I love it. Thanks so much. I think we really all need to embrace, learn,
and be the best version and really give our kids every opportunity to make this
the best year possible.
Okay. Welcome to the program, Liz.
I am so excited to talk to you about getting back to school for our parents.
How are you doing today?
I am great. Thank you so much. How are you?
I'm doing well. I mean, we were just talking about how our seven week old and.
Before you know it, I'll be going into their first day of school. That's.
What everybody keeps telling me. Right. It does feel like life is moving.
I thought life was moving quick before, but now it's just flying by. So Yeah.
We really are enjoying the moment.
Yeah. Sometimes the days are really long,
but I find that the years are incredibly short. .
Love that poetic. I liked that. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so hey,
we're here to talk about getting kids back to school. Right.
There's a lot of anxiety with that,
especially what we've experienced the last few years. I know myself,
I was a child of summer and I remember vividly the night before school I wasn't
able to sleep. Right. That transition time was always difficult for me.
But before you jump in, why don't you just tell us a little bit about, you know,
who you are and your background and what you do.
Yeah. So my name is Liz Buffington. Um,
I'm a parent of, um, two, um,
and an educator of many. Um,
I have taught in the K through 12, um, arena and,
and currently teach at San Diego State University in the College of Education.
Back to school is a big part of our life
here in my household.
So I guess as a teacher and you,
you think about this topic going back to school, you know,
the challenge is 10 years ago, you know, to a few years ago, to today. What,
what's kind of top of mind for you?
So it, a lot of it's the same. Um, and a lot of it's so different.
We're in that vortex, if you will, of um,
what was even pre covid 10 years ago to our existence now.
Um, but some of the same things continue to happen. Um, you know,
that first day, everyone's very excited and ready to go.
They can also be nervous. Um, they can have a lot of anxiety.
We are creatures of habit. And, um,
there's a lot of research about when students come back into school,
getting back into the routine is part of creating an environment where
they can feel supported so that they can do their best learning. And as parents,
we have a big role to play in that. Um, and it's,
it's a big responsibility. Um, and it, it takes a lot of effort on our part.
Helping transition into a new rhythm. So,
so I guess when we look at maybe just sleep, right?
'cause that was the hard one for me, um, as a kid, like,
I remember not sleeping well during times of transition.
How can a parent help prepare their kid for we're waking up at seven now,
or like, you know, whatever that new rhythm's gonna be. Yeah.
We, we deal with that a lot in our household. Um,
we have morning people and not so morning people. Um,
helping students time themselves, reminding them of,
of the routine of the morning is one way that we can
help, um, start the morning off, right?
We find that if students have had a rough morning,
they will come into school and it's hard for them to not carry that,
um, hard morning with them. Um,
and so it's helping them to take responsibility of their time.
In fact,
I find that the students that are able to cope more with routine changes are the
ones that have agency and, um, a say in part of the routine.
So maybe they help make their lunch the night before, or they say, no,
I really wanna have school lunch because it takes care of one
logistical, um, concern. Takes that off the table.
These are the areas that you get to make decisions in when it comes.
Yeah. You get to make a choice, right?
It's your life mm-hmm. . Um,
but this is where it's age appropriate and family appropriate for you to make
this choice.
Absolutely. And, you know, all that is so well said. And, you know, with,
with a seven week old on my end,
I'm kind of fast forwarding to what four year old miles is gonna be struggling
with, you know, that night before school.
And speaking of one thing that's been on my mind as, as a,
a parent with a young one who will eventually have a phone, like social media,
um, what are, like, we all know the dangers of it.
We all know the challenges with it. We all know that we have it. Um,
so can you talk to us about, as teachers this year, you know,
what are some things to look out for or how can we start to set some better
boundaries when it comes to social media this school year? That is.
Such an important part. And, um, as an educator,
the most important person in your child's social media life
is the parent guardian adults modeling for students what appropriate
social media looks like that face-to-face and human to human experience is lost.
And so what social media, um,
could result in that's positive and negative.
Social media is instant gratification. It's like a sugar rush,
and that is why it is. So, to be perfectly honest, addictive,
they want to see each other's lives and, and see, um,
you know, and, and feel that connection. We saw that after Covid,
um,
in a very big way because there was a lack of connection and
social connection for our young people that really has shifted the
mental health support that we are preparing for and giving in our schools.
Involve them in decisions about social media.
So if they're not ready for a social media account,
you are not ready for them to have that.
Give them a say about what you put in your social media when it involves them.
Do they get to have their picture on your Facebook? Um,
give them that agency and, and remind them that social media, um,
there's, there's a layer of consent to it.
You know, just with the consent piece. I mean, that goes as an adult as well,
right? I do know, I know. I have to let my wife know, Hey, by the way,
this is a really cute photo. Like, can I post this? And sometimes she says, no.
And like, that shouldn't be taken personally.
But I love the idea that a child should have agency in that fun family vacation
photo they took, and if they want to be on social media Yeah.
And, and then that becomes the norm for them.
And with that norm B becomes a layer of respect.
Yeah, absolutely. Respect foundation. Yeah.
That's the biggest part of going back to school modeling.
What respect looks like in your family, in your household? Um,
respect in the morning is important.
We have a lot of conversations in my house about respect in the morning .
I'm not a morning person. Uh,
I had had to learn, um, where to stay quiet,
where not to talk. Um, but what's funny is once the child's around, it's like,
well, I'm, I'm not, I'm not as grumpy anymore in the morning,
but I'm sure that will change.
It goes without saying what we as a world experienced over the last few years.
And, you know, I think maybe especially, you know,
kids going into remote scenarios and losing that in-person connection.
And when they came back, uh,
they had lost these social skills and you know,
a seventh grader was acting like a fifth grader in that classroom, right?
Because they didn't have that progression.
So that didn't go away and it didn't fix itself. Right?
We are in the middle of what some are calling like the next mental health
epidemic of our children's mental health.
So how can we support our kids who are probably
nervous going back? Is Covid going to come back? I mean,
there is a resurgence right now. Um, I'm anxious about getting sick.
I'm anxious about having to go remote again. Like,
can you talk to us about how we can be communicating with our kids about,
I don't know, I guess the acceptance of it all. It's.
A really good question. Um, you're right. Covid is not going away.
There's a resurgence. Um, I just got a email from a colleague who said,
guess what?
I'm not going to be at our orientation tomorrow for all of our new student
teachers. Mm-hmm. , can you, can you tap in? Yeah.
We're there to support each other. Um,
what Covid did was teach us to pivot.
And so when our students have to pivot,
give them positive praise. Hmm.
Maybe it's that they pivoted and provided support for a sibling in the house
or helped you with something without being asked to do so. Um,
in school when we are affirming the empathy
response to help others, um, we're, we're appreciating the pivot,
uh, the pivot beyond themselves to someone else, right? Mm-hmm. .
So that's a huge, huge thing that you can do. Um,
and then hear their disappointment if they can't go to the soccer game
because they got covid, even if they're not feeling poorly,
but they have to isolate, right? Affirm that. Let them know,
validate that to me. You hear them. That is so disappointing.
You're absolutely right. We're all very disappointed.
Just like we had to do when we were home for so many days and so many months.
It was disappointing. We missed out on a lot of amazing human connection.
Remind them that they're gonna probably be scared of Covid. Um,
because there may have been some very, um,
scary things that happened either in home or close to home,
whether it that be losing someone or watching someone get really sick, um,
and let them know that the health professionals are doing their job and their
health professionals went to school and learned skills so that they could
problem solve.
And that you are going to help them do their best in school so that they can be
those problem solvers as well. Right. Help them to be part of the solution.
So perhaps they might feel more comfortable if they decide to give a fist bump
instead of a hook. Um, give, you know,
remind them that they can have hand sanitizer in their backpack or that they
can, um, you know, say to their teachers,
I would feel more comfortable if I wear a mask.
It's about hearing them and how they see themselves in their whole health.
And Covid is an opportunity to hear about how they see themselves in emotional
health and physical health. That's why Covid has such a big impact,
because it impacted us on both levels.
Yeah. The, the, the entire spectrum really, really took a huge toll.
So be attentive, don't be a fixer. Validate. I,
I love the idea of of, of the positive praise during a pivot.
A lot of that is gonna be, you know, is ongoing. Um, and as,
as families, as teachers, how do we support one another, um,
to kind of make sure this, this back to school, um,
environment is positive and, but that we do have solutions when,
when things get difficult. I guess back to the, the more pragmatic stuff.
The books.
Back to the books.
Back to the books. Yeah. You know,
I needed those JCO jeans and that probably dates myself a little bit.
I don't know if anybody remember those. Yeah. $150 jeans that I needed. Yep.
Back to school shopping.
I knew, I know now. My mom could not afford that. Yeah.
How do we weigh net? Like what's necessary versus what we want?
Yeah. It's so easy to look at someone across the table, um,
across the school yard,
across the boardroom meeting and see something that they're wearing or having,
and you're instantly gonna focus on what they have that you want and don't have
mm-hmm. .
And so you're gonna assume automatically that they get everything.
And if that person is someone who is charismatic, maybe popular,
um, you are going to think, gosh, if I can wear those pants,
I too will be that charismatic, popular person.
What I do is we have the conversation about school clothes shopping and,
and stuff early on. Um, we also put things aside for the future.
You might really want that pair of Doc Martins.
Maybe there's a birthday coming up or holiday celebration where your family
gives gifts and if you can't afford it,
help them be part of the solution about what you could do to afford it. Hmm.
Once they go to school,
we want them to remember that showing off their clothes is not going to make
them as a person. , we're not,
we don't value people based on what they wear. We value people for who they are.
Uhhuh, .
And that's something that they need to learn how to live and appreciate.
Right. So I guess there are, there are lessons to be taught, you know, as,
as we look at back to school shopping,
and I love the idea you keep throwing in this idea of choice. Um,
so say, you know, they really, really,
really need those pairs of shoes and we just can't afford 'em. Well,
how about for the next two weeks? We don't do pizza night on Wednesday. Yep.
Yep. And we, we've saved enough money. So is that,
are you willing to part with pizza night? Are.
You willing to help clean? Are you willing to help with yard work?
Are you willing to, you know, to help, um, you know,
walk the dog and pick up after the dog?
You're very busy. It's the beginning of school year.
I don't wanna take up too much more of your time,
and we've talked about so much. So I guess maybe as a parent,
instead of as a teacher, what's one thing you would,
you would like maybe recommend or or to extract from our conversation here that
you would ask a parent to really pay attention to.
Help them problem solve when things get difficult,
because they will get difficult and we're gonna wanna jump in and fix it for
them. We're gonna wanna jump in and do the science project for them because they
didn't tell us about it until the day before it was due.
And it's very frustrating and we're tired. But instead of doing that,
think about how you can help them problem solve and do the work themselves and
identify where they need help.
Well, thank you so much for being here, Liz.
I really appreciate your time and good luck on the start of your school.
Year. Thank you. You too. And before you know it,
miles will be going back to school.
Ooh. Can't wait.
.
This has been a production of Balancing Life's issues with your hosts,
Kai Sorenson and Wendy Wallner, produced by me Kai Rate.
Leave a review and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen so you can get
brand new episodes as they drop. Got an idea for the show. Email me,
k i@balancinglifesissues.com. Anything to add? Miles? No.