It was just like, huh, this is oneness.
And I remember it feeling so peculiar
because I would look at my body and like,
well, I clearly have a body.
I feel it, it's still here,
but I know that it's not me anymore.
Like it was transparent,
it was see-through all of a sudden.
And I was the consciousness that was infinite.
Welcome to Buddha at the Gas Pump.
My name is Rick Archer.
Buddha at the Gas Pump, as you may know, is a long-running series of conversations with
spiritually awakening people.
I've done well over 700 of them now.
If this is new to you and you'd like to check out previous ones, go to batgap.com, B-A-T-G-A-P,
And you'll see them all listed there in various ways.
This program is made possible through the support of appreciative listeners and viewers.
So if you appreciate it and would like to help support it, there are PayPal buttons
on every page of the website.
My guest today is Eli Recht.
Eli was born and raised in San Diego, California, and currently resides in Carlsbad, California.
licensed psychotherapist, EMDR clinician. What is that, EMDR? EMDR is an evidence-based trauma
therapeutic modality for processing traumatic experiences or PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder. And as a psychotherapist, you're an LMFT, which means licensed marriage and family
therapist, right? Yes. And you're also a spiritual counselor, editor, and teacher of self-realization.
One thing that's neat about your spiritual counseling is that you don't take personal
income from it, not that I think there's anything wrong with doing that, but you donate all the
income from that to a local animal shelter out there, which is nice. Animal shelters are
dear to our hearts here, and then you just make your living as a therapist. So in a way it's nice
that you're able to separate the two. So in 2020 you experienced a falling away of ego identity and
awakening to the true nature of reality, and we're going to discuss the whole story leading up to
that. And as a result you've dedicated your life to service, to helping alleviate suffering, cultivate
connection, and guide people through the often confusing journey of life. And you invite others
others to recognize our shared, unconditioned essence.
And your specialty is blending contemporary psychological knowledge with timeless spiritual
wisdom and advocating for the integration of these two disciplines.
And that is an area that fascinates me, as it does you, obviously, and so we'll talk
about that quite a bit during this interview.
But before we really get rolling with that, it might be good to do the usual chronological
accounting of your life, you know, what led up to, you know, where you are now.
Absolutely, that sounds great. I'm really looking forward to the conversation and let me just start
by saying thank you so much, Rick, and to you, Irene, as well for your invitation and for your
generosity and for the service that you provide for the world in raising the consciousness on
the planet. I've been a big fan of BatGap for many years. I've seen many
interviews and so it's pretty trippy in the best way possible, you know, to say
the least, that I'm actually a guest on your channel today. And I also want to
say hi to everybody tuning in. I hope you enjoy the conversation. I'm sure I will.
I also just wanted to start by saying that I really admire what BATGAP stands for, the
mission statement, and I also have always loved the name that you chose, Buddha at the
Gas Pump, because I think it just hits the nail on the head.
It really encapsulates the extraordinary and the ordinary all in one.
Well, thank you.
I actually didn't think up the name, a friend of mine did, but I was asking friends for suggestions
and when he suggested that, everybody said, "Yeah, that's it."
The reason I like it, and I think you just kind of said that, is one of my motivations
for starting this show is I was in a little satsang here in town for a number of years.
We'd meet every Wednesday night for a few hours, and there were people in the satsang
who had had spiritual awakenings, but when they told their friends, they would sometimes
get a negative reaction, like because the friends had an assumption about what spiritual awakening
is supposed to be and they didn't think an ordinary Joe like, you know, like they're
in for as well. That's what I teach all the time. I knew people that have been meditating.
Right. And so I thought, okay, it would be good to like showcase these people and let their friends
see that ordinary people like them are having spiritual awakenings and that being the case,
they might also be liable or eligible to have one.
- Absolutely, and that's what I stand for as well.
It's what I teach all the time.
- I knew people that had been meditating for decades
and they thought, "Oh, well, I like meditation,
"but I'm never gonna get enlightened in this lifetime,
"so I'm just gonna cruise along till I die."
- Right, right, I was the same.
So maybe should we start my spiritual journey?
We'll back up in time. - Yes, yes, please.
- Like you said, I was born and raised in San Diego.
I'd say my spiritual journey really starts, my primary spiritual vehicle you could say
for the first 15 years of life is Judaism.
I was raised Jewish in a multicultural, very supportive family.
It was a great community to grow up in.
You know, I really like the values that Judaism espouses, like family and community, and there's
one particular principle called "Tikkun Olam."
a Hebrew word which translates into repairing the world. It's essentially equivalent to
selfless service or seva. And so I grew up with that upbringing and of course yummy food.
And I was bar mitzvahed at 13. So I did the whole thing and I was very into it and I found
a lot of meaning from it. Fast forward until middle school. So I'm about 15, I think eighth
grade or entering high school in my world history class, we started reading Siddhartha by Herman
Hess.
- Nice, wow.
- And that was, I know, a little--
- That was my first spiritual book, but I didn't get it from school.
- Really?
Interesting.
- I was 17 by that time, but we never were given anything like that in school.
This was the 1960s.
- Sure, that definitely makes sense.
Yeah, looking back, I'm actually surprised that we read that in my private Jewish school,
- Wow. - So I read Siddhartha,
and that was the first time that I was introduced to the concept of enlightenment,
and I became familiar with meditation, just in a loose sense. And my teacher saw that I took
an interest in what we were reading. I was asking a ton of questions and just really, really inspired.
So she gifted me after class one day, this beautiful Dao De Jing, which it was like one
one of my most prized possessions for a long time and it's sitting right behind
me on my bookshelf and I was blown away and I took it home that day I read it
from cover to cover and Lao Tzu just really impressed me and granted I didn't
understand what I was reading at the time but I sensed that there was
something deeper going on in life it just gave me that sense of okay there's
something else going on here beyond our five senses. It intrigued me. But that's
really where it was left. It kind of fell into the background and it wasn't
anything more than just an introduction to Eastern thought. In high school my
friends and I also would go visit on Sundays the Deer Park Monastery in
Escondido, California, which is Thich Nhat Hanh's monastery. And we would spend
Sundays there we do a Dharma talk, a meditation, we'd have a really nice free
meal and then afterwards we'd hike up to the top of the hill to see the large
Buddha statue and that was really fun but it wasn't anything more than just a
great way to spend a Sunday. It was fun and I would meditate from time to time
just to reduce mental stress and that was that. Fast forward I'm approaching 18 I'm
graduating high school, entering college. I went to college in Emory University in
Atlanta and I remember feeling like the mind was the pinnacle of human reality.
It was the ultimate. That I can control whatever I want with my mind. My emotions
are no match for me. I can conquer my emotions and I sort of became atheist in
a way. There was this sort of arrogance or rigidity that formed in me just because I
had a strong mind I guess and I thought that that was the ultimate experience of
being human and I remember just being very insensitive to people when they
would ask me things like how do I do this or how do I understand and I would look
at them point-blank and just say well just do it like what's wrong. Now looking
back it's like so awful that I said that but at the time I was just feeling like
I was so sure of myself I was so confident and I realized now that it was
a false confidence and when I was conquering my emotions what I was really
doing was just suppressing them and storing them in the subconscious mind in
the body and so at that time as I was entering college I was diagnosed with
ulcerative colitis, which for those of you who don't know, it's a disease of
inflammation of the intestine and that can be pretty painful. And I didn't see
the connection at the time. Obviously, ulcerative colitis is a biological
medical issue. There's a genetic component to it, so I certainly had a
predisposition to it. But looking back, I think that my arrogance and my rigidity
in my atheism was part of the constriction of my energy body that ended up leading
to this ulcerative colitis diagnosis. And so I'll get more into that, but I
realized ultimately that at the core of the disease it was a psychological issue.
And you were studying psychology in college? And I was studying psychology,
yeah. So if we fast forward a couple years, I'm overconfident and nothing can
derail you like a bad relationship. So I got into a relationship, we fell in love,
you know, I thought I was gonna marry her and we were gonna have kids and
everything, life was great. But long story short, it crashed and burned and all
these feelings came up that I didn't know what to do with and I couldn't
contain them anymore. The mind wasn't strong enough to conquer these feelings.
so I fell into a depression. I had some really bad anxiety. I graduated college
and had to almost go back to the drawing board. I had to revisit my identity and
who I was because I had lost myself in the relationship. And so I moved to New
York. I lived with my high school friends in an apartment in Brooklyn and it was a
great time. We played music, we formed a band, I was a singer in the band and we
recorded and toured around the area and all that jazz. It was really fun and I
was working at a music brain research lab called the Institute for Music and
Neurologic Function up in the Bronx and they have two wings to the Institute. One
side they do music therapy and the other side they do research on the brain to
study the impacts, the healing effects of music on the brain. So I was immersed in
this sort of musical world, doing research and living my best life. You
know, from the outside looking in, nothing was wrong. Everything was ideal, everything
was perfect, and yet I was still very depressed and anxious.
And you still had the ulcerative colitis, I presume. And I still had that, yes. I mean, I
was put on medications pretty quickly, these heavy-duty meds, and it went into
remission right away so I didn't even give it another thought. But looking back, I realized
that it was part of the mental adjustments that I was making. And I'll get more into
the colitis because it plays a larger role in my story. Because I was depressed, even
though my external life was perfect for all intents and purposes.
Did you know you were depressed or in retrospect now you realize you were depressed?
I think a little bit of both. I was definitely aware, especially aware of the anxiety, because
my anxiety was very acute. My suffering was pretty bad. It was rough. So I started to
research happiness and like, is happiness even possible? Can you reach a permanent state
of happiness? And of course I rediscovered enlightenment. And at the same time, I was
recording and performing and this musical immersion when I was singing or
performing or recording I would find myself kind of going into higher states
of consciousness because I was just in flow. There was just a dissolving of
boundaries and I was like floating or it just felt very peaceful and quiet and
and no resistance, just very open and expansive.
And so it kind of brought me back to my Tao Te Ching days
when I was thinking, you know, there's something more here, and I'd like to explore it.
So these things sort of converged at the same time,
and that's when three people in the same month
told me to read The Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda.
And I remember looking at it and being like,
is so massive, I am not about to read that.
Like, I'm reading little books, like The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, if you're familiar with
that one.
I just heard that book about that today.
Oh, maybe because I saw it on your website or something.
Oh, sure, yeah.
It's one of the books I recommended.
So I wasn't about to read Yogananda, but then, because of my anxiety, I came down with sciatica,
which is, it was just incredibly painful.
Usually old people get that.
I know, go figure.
So I had this just terrible pain down my left leg.
I was bedridden for a couple weeks.
I couldn't work anymore.
I couldn't really move.
And I didn't know what was going on.
So of course, my roommate had a copy of the autobiography.
And I said, well, I have no excuse now.
I got to read it.
So I started reading it.
And right away, it just blew my mind.
If you've read it, there's some miraculous stories in there.
Oh, yeah.
I've read it a few times.
But somehow, even though I was reading things
that were so far off what I considered to be reality.
I just somehow knew that Yogananda was telling the truth.
I implicitly trusted him for some reason.
And here was someone who was self-realized.
And he said, follow these lessons,
do these meditation techniques, and you'll get there.
And you will be able to achieve this perfect happiness
or perfect peace that everyone is really longing for.
So I never looked back. I signed up for the lessons right away.
It took about a year. That's the lessons program.
The Self-Realization Fellowship Lessons Program requires
about a year before you can get initiated into Kriya Yoga,
which is their highest formal technique. I think now they've changed
the time between starting to getting
initiated. I think it's shorter now, but at the time it was a year.
So I basically signed up for the lessons.
I was super dedicated.
I meditated day and night.
I never missed a session.
I would push through whatever resistance
or discomfort I was having or restlessness.
And it was great.
And as I was doing that,
the sciatica was actually being cleared away.
I felt like I was being healed.
I think it was due to the reduction in stress
just the opening up of the mind again to other possibilities.
So I was very proud.
And the depression and anxiety and colitis?
It started to lift. There were no problems with the colitis at this time.
And I was just super dedicated.
I was going to do everything that I possibly could
to achieve or arrive at self-realization.
And after a year, I was initiated into Kriya Yoga formally,
and I took Yogananda to be my guru
and dedicated my spiritual evolution to the path.
And the Kriya, it's a very powerful technique.
At first, it was really, really good.
I had a lot of bliss and a lot of expansive moments,
But over time, because it's designed to slowly raise the kundalini in sort of gradual, incremental steps,
and it's designed to pull in, it's like pratyahara, it's designed to pull in the external energies into the spine and brain.
And that process, your spine and brain become like a magnet,
and it pulls in the karmic impressions
or subconscious samskaras impressions into the spine.
So that was happening.
But then I started having a lot of problems
with the Kriya technique.
I was having a lot of pain, splitting headaches, dizziness,
nausea. I couldn't function after practicing Kriya and I had a flare-up of ulcerative colitis.
So the symptoms returned and the medication stopped working.
Did the practice involve concentration? Do you feel you were straining?
Looking back, yes. I was.
That would account for the headaches and stuff.
Sure.
- Unless we're gonna come back to it,
I just wanted to ask about this pulling the impressions
into the spine, I think that's the way to put it.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Or the karma or something.
What was the subjective visceral experience of that
that enables you to describe it that way?
- Yeah, it feels like a magnet.
It feels like the technique is you're breathing
in a very particular way and carrying energy
up and down the spine.
And by doing that, you're turning the breath into energy and the spine starts to magnetize.
So it becomes like a magnet that collects all this subconscious energy to be processed,
to be roasted.
- Where was it before it got into the spine?
- Well, it's in the subconscious body.
- Your aura or in a...
- I guess so, yeah.
- A bubble body someplace?
- Like in the tissues or...
It's in the energy body.
It's in the subtle body.
And so the visceral feeling of that...
- It's kind of cooked in the spine
when it gets pulled in.
- Yes.
- Right.
- Yogananda would say,
Kriya Yoga roasts the seeds of karma.
- There you go.
- So there was a little bit of like burning and fire
and things like that, that would happen.
But the visceral feeling of it was really like a drawing
in just intense concentration in the center.
And just, you would,
I would feel things starting to collect inward.
I don't know how else to describe that.
- That's good enough.
And it was uncomfortable.
And it was uncomfortable, yeah.
So I got counseled, of course, by people in SRF, out of SRF,
and nothing seemed to help.
Was that a common experience?
Did other people report that kind of thing?
Rarely.
I mean, it wasn't totally unheard of,
but it was very uncommon, I think, to my knowledge.
So I kind of had to let it go.
I had to let go of the Kriya technique
because it was just causing too many problems
and I couldn't function anymore.
And it had caused a flare up.
I don't know if it caused it, but it came concurrently.
So that was a really hard time for me
because not only was I,
I got really sick because of the flare up.
So I had to stay at home.
I was isolating myself.
I wasn't socializing.
I felt like I was useless 'cause I couldn't work anymore.
By this point, I'm living in Encinitas.
I had left New York, I'd left the band,
because I wanted a different lifestyle
and something just more peaceful,
and San Diego is kind of my nature,
so the chill, surf, cool waves vibe.
So it was a really hard time for me,
because Yogananda says that this Kriya Yoga is the key.
It's the airplane route to God,
and so if I can't do this technique,
then there's no hope for me.
And I was also not working, so I felt like I had just no purpose
and I was just wasting away.
So I was pretty dejected and devastated.
And I felt like I'm sure many people do.
I felt like I was a bad devotee, and I was disloyal,
and all these things that come with not
being able to accomplish what your teacher or your guru
tells you is important.
So I had to let it go and I focused on my healing journey.
So I started Ayurveda, which is an Indian dietary system
that is tailor-made for your personal physical constitution
and that was helpful.
I saw this wonderful doctor in Long Beach, Dr. J.
And I started doing--
- The Chill Preceptor's down in your area too.
- Yeah, it used to be.
I think it's not there anymore.
Maybe it is.
I started doing energy healing.
I was trained in energy healing, and I did everything under the sun, you name it.
Because if I couldn't focus on self-realization, then I'm gonna focus on my healing.
Because it felt like that was a block standing in the way,
even though it's not, and I'll get into that too.
So I started healing, I started getting better,
and then my doctor, who was helping me through the colitis,
was explaining to me that oftentimes there's a large psychological component to the disease.
She was a holistic doctor. She was great at balancing of East and West philosophies. And
she encouraged me to get into therapy so that I could talk through my issues and work through
what was stuck. And so then I started my therapy journey and I saw this great therapist in
Encinitas named Matt Jarvinen and he taught me all about defense mechanisms and emotions and how we suppress our feelings
And how to allow our feelings to release and work through them and at the same time I was introduced to Michael Singer's teachings
Witnessing consciousness became a really big deal for me that sort of became my technique does Michael Singer talk about that a lot
He does yeah is the guy wrote the untethered soul
He wrote the untethered soul and the surrender experiment and he has some great talks and videos as well
What does he say about witnessing consciousness that was germane to you?
So he says basically that you don't really need to meditate
Technically you don't need to formally meditate in order to awaken
That you just have to get in touch with the witness who is
or the witness that is the experiencer of all things.
And so he says, you know, you have to sit back and get back
far enough into what he calls the seat of self,
and just relax and release. You just be aware of whatever
disturbance is coming up in your body, and you relax,
and you release. And you would do this like in a meditative
practice, or you would do it all day long? I started doing it in a
meditative practice where I was sitting down but as I got better at it I was
able to do it all day long. I was able to do it at any point during the day even
during a conversation or something. And that didn't divide your mind at all?
Being engaged in the conversation and all I'm witnessing at the same time? It did
divide my mind but I was fully dedicated to self-realization and I wasn't gonna
let anything get in the way of that so if a conversation suffered for it
that was fine with me.
- Yeah, or--
- And that gave me a--
- One thing like that you wanna be--
- Yeah.
- A little careful.
- Of course, of course.
Thankfully, nothing bad happened.
In conjunction with that,
I was also seeing a great intuitive guide
here in Encinitas named Laura Sorg,
and she was helping me personally
to kind of clarify the witnessing consciousness
and the releasing and the clearing.
She calls it the clearing work, the emotional work.
So I got really deep into that.
And that gave me a lot of hope again.
Because I was able to meditate again.
I felt like I can really make it this time, rather than--
Did you go back to doing Kriya, or your meditation
was the singer thing?
It became relax and release, and wisdom and consciousness.
I did not go back to Kriya, although I tried many times
to go back to Kriya.
But it would always have the same effect.
So it sounds like Trio, you said in retrospect that you were straining, whereas the Relax
and Release sounds like a much more surrendered, effortless, natural kind of thing.
Yes.
And what I realized later was that I didn't need any more willpower or straining.
I already had enough of that.
The next leg of my journey was really about surrender, to let go and allow and relax.
That's the whole foundation of the TM technique is absolutely no effort and the mind has a
natural tendency to seek a field of greater happiness and you can utilize that tendency
to enable it to just settle down and encounter greater charm as it settles down.
Beautiful.
I never practiced TM.
I have some friends who did.
I believe there's a mantra involved too, right?
Yes, there is.
But you don't concentrate.
Okay.
So I started getting better because I started working through these emotional and psychological
blocks you could say.
And I was also put on some heavy duty medications, again, another layer of medications.
And I went to grad school to become a therapist, to become a counselor.
I went to Pacifica Graduate Institute near Santa Barbara.
They teach in the lineage of Carl Jung and depth psychology and Joseph Campbell and Marian
Woodman and all those wonderful people.
And sometimes in my classes, I would just as a side note, when we were studying, I would
think to myself, like, I feel like I'm reading a Vedic text or something, you know, it was
so aligned Jung's writings.
And then I graduated in 2020.
And that was when COVID hit.
Maybe I'll stop here if you have any questions.
I was just wondering, you're taking these heavy duty medications on top of some other medications.
Didn't you notice some negative side effects from those?
I did.
It was rough.
Kind of dull you out or something?
Yeah, I think it did.
You know what the medications were doing, they're called immunosuppressants.
So they're really suppressing the energy of the immune system.
The idea is that it's like your own body is destroying itself.
The immune system is acting.
It's going after itself, yeah.
Yeah, it's going after itself. It's attacking itself.
Autoimmune disease.
Yes. So, the meds suppressed that energy that was doing that.
Does that make you more susceptible to getting sick from other things such as COVID?
It does. It does. Thankfully, I didn't get anything serious.
Okay, so this begins the awakening.
COVID hit, I just graduated, everything goes on lockdown.
it's March 2020 and I received this very strong intuition that said, "Use this time
to go inside as deeply as you possibly can and start coming off of your
medications." And that was scary. I mean, I had been listening to my intuition up
to this point, so I had a good relationship with it. I trusted it, but
But man, coming off of these medications was a huge risk
because if I didn't do it right or if it somehow went awry,
I was in serious trouble.
- Are they like benzodiazepines,
where you could actually go into convulsions and die
if it came off too fast?
- No, it wasn't anything like that,
but if I came off of it, let's say I had a flare-up,
if I wasn't able to contain it,
I would potentially have to get surgery
and remove my organ from my body
be put on some other heavy-duty meds, something even worse, because there were
stages of intensity for medications and I was about up the second tier. I could
have gone one more level and then it would have been surgery, removal. Needless
to say I was very scared and I did do this with the guidance of my doctor. She
was aware of what was going on. She gave me a bunch of tips. So, warning, don't try
this at home unless you have doctor approval, I think is the most responsible
thing and if you really feel like it's the right thing. So this is when I had a
very powerful Kundalini activation because the meds were suppressing all
this energy. As I started coming off the meds all this energy started flowing
upwards. It was just an immense amount of heat. You know I would just be sweating
for days almost like I was gonna spontaneously combust at any moment. It
It was just immense.
There was some fear that this could be a flare-up
or something, but I guess my intuition knew
that I had done enough witnessing consciousness
and enough therapy to be able to weather the kundalini.
What happened was, as the energy came up,
I was able to just let it go.
It didn't get stuck like it used to get stuck,
'cause I had opened my consciousness enough.
So the Kundalini activated a few symptoms of that.
I mean, there was some bliss,
some moments of bliss involved,
also a lot of pain and tension
and everything else going on at the same time.
I felt like I was burning the pain body,
as Eckhart Tolle talks about,
burning the karmic impressions of the subtle body.
And it reminded me of Rumi's quote
when he says, "I want burning."
So I was really excited on one hand
that the Kundalini was happening
because this is the gateway to awakening.
This is what a lot of spiritual seekers are looking for.
And that was very exciting.
I was also having what I call universal downloads.
So I would just get these massive downloads of information
of how things work, like the mechanics
of how the universe works, like what is karma and free will.
And, you know, how does the unity then emerge
into the multiplicity and evolution and all that stuff.
My memory was terrible.
I felt very unstable.
My brain was mushy.
I needed a lot of grounding.
I did a lot of yoga.
I remember a couple times I was just so overheated
that I threw myself into a freezing cold pool
just to cool down.
I was having these very quick visions.
- It's a good thing you had a background
of spiritual training,
'cause otherwise you might've thought you were going crazy.
Or that there was something seriously wrong
and you had a fever or something with all this heat.
- Yeah, well, I'm gonna get to that,
'cause I did think I was going crazy.
So I started having these visions
that were too quick to catch.
I couldn't really understand what was going on.
Later, I realized that they were just impressions,
visual impressions that were being released.
- Flushed out, yeah.
- Yeah, passing through the field of consciousness
and being flushed out.
And then, this is around June 2020, I heard a voice.
And it said, you will be awakening soon.
And so I'm sitting there, half of me is like, yay, this is amazing.
This is what I've been waiting for.
And the other half of me is like, uh, who's saying this?
Yeah, I was kind of--
And like, why should I believe you?
And am I going crazy?
And I know the word crazy isn't PC anymore today.
but that's how I felt.
I felt like I was going crazy.
And I had just--
for my training in grad school, I was actually
working at a crisis center.
And I was working with people who
were diagnosed with psychosis and schizophrenia.
So I knew what it was about.
And then I was thinking, well, maybe I'm
having late-onset schizophrenia, you know?
Like, this could be.
So I was scared.
I didn't know, but I was also excited.
And, you know, I kind of just reasoned through it by saying,
listen, this voice is telling me
that I'm gonna awaken and soon.
So either it happens and then I can trust it or it doesn't.
And then I will know that it was my imagination
and I'll go check myself into a psych ward.
That's kind of how it transpired.
But the other thing I want to say about that
is that the voice, it also felt like it was my voice.
It wasn't some other sounding voice.
It sounded and felt like me, just on a higher level.
- Like your higher self talking to you.
- Yeah, exactly.
So what I kind of realized or reasoned through
was that this is probably my higher self
that's telling me these things.
So at this time, I had this really good friend,
Francis LaRocque.
He's here in Encinitas.
He's a fantastic healer of all sorts.
And he was a pivotal aspect of my healing journey.
He was helping me through all sorts of different aspects.
He was an ex-monk in self-realization fellowship.
So we were speaking the same language and he helped me a ton.
And so during COVID, we would call each other and check in to see how we were doing.
And so he called me one day and he caught me in one of those states of distress.
And I poured my heart out to him.
And I was like, "Francis, I don't know what's going on.
This voice is telling me I'm gonna awaken.
I don't know what to do.
I think I'm having Kundalini stuff,
but I also feel like I might be going crazy.
Can you help me?"
He goes, "Well, I have a friend.
His name's Philip Weber,
and he previously had an awakening.
So maybe I can connect the two of you
and he can help you out."
So, okay, great.
I felt like this was the divine hand
bringing me what I needed.
And I reached out to Phil,
who I know you interviewed about six months ago
in June, I think, of 2024.
- Yeah, and we've been having talks
about once a month since then.
- Yeah, yeah.
Great interview, by the way.
- Thanks.
- So I wrote to him these extensive emails.
And that was our primary form of correspondence at first,
was just these massive emails back and forth.
So I shared with him everything that was going on.
I wanted to give him the most informed understanding of what was going on so he could make a clear
decision and granted I wasn't just pouring my heart out to some stranger.
This was a close friend of Francis and Phil was also part of SRF and so we had a shared
background and I'd heard about him peripherally in other ways.
He had served at the Hidden Valley Ashram that I used to go to and was friends with
Brother Ishtananda who was the head monk at Hidden Valley.
So there was a mutual connection and I trusted him.
So I sent him all this stuff.
I said, this was going on.
And I was having like chakra things happening too.
And Phil wrote back, thankfully, this
does seem to be a genuine awakening.
So just trust the process and let it happen.
He also gave me a book called The Leap by Steve Taylor,
which I also have back here on my bookshelf.
And that book also talks about different ways of awakening,
and it goes into the difference between a genuine awakening
and psychosis, and the importance of still
doing our psychological work before awakening
and after awakening, that that's really important.
And we can talk more about that, too.
And I've interviewed Steve just as a parenthetical--
Oh, yeah, yeah, I knew that.
--for people who want to watch it.
He's a great guy.
We kind of stayed in touch over the years.
I have a lot of respect for him.
- Yeah, I have a lot of respect too.
And thank you, Steve, for all your help.
So at this time, I started feeling
what I called the nothingness.
It felt like I was being erased from the inside out,
like Ellie was just little by little being dissolved.
And I remember saying to Phil, I haven't had Samadhi,
I haven't seen the spiritual eye,
star and the colors and I'm not hearing the sounds of the chakras and all this stuff.
Are those things that they talk about in SRF?
That you're supposed to have all that stuff?
Well, it's debatable. I mean, he says that these are parts of the journey to awakening.
Yeah, you may encounter it. Whether you have to have it or not, I guess, is up for debate,
but I didn't have any of it. So I was saying, "Phil, I haven't had the samadhi. Like,
I can't possibly be awakening." He's just like, "None of that's necessary. Don't worry about it.
Just relax, just trust the process. So one day I heard the voice again, this was in August now,
and I heard the voice say to me, "Awakening is imminent, any day now."
- Wow.
- And it also said, "You will be a spiritual teacher." And that came with a lot of bliss.
- Makes you wonder about, you know, guardian angels or, you know, something like that, you know?
- Yeah, yeah, even after awakening,
you don't, all your questions aren't answered.
- Right.
- But you become okay with that.
So anyways, that night, after I heard the voice,
I remember just feeling like this was my last day on Earth
as an ego.
And I didn't know at this point if I was gonna die
physically or if I was just gonna die psychologically,
but it felt like there was a death approaching.
I remember just going through my day.
There was this subtle, very sweet feeling of joy
permeating everything.
I was just savoring every moment because I knew somehow
that this was my last day on Earth being an ego.
And there was also a lot of grief
because I was letting go of some big attachments at the time.
It sounds like you were just really ready to pop
and there was no two ways about it.
It's interesting.
- Yeah, I think so.
- It's like this was destined
or this was like you were totally ready.
It would have happened regardless of what you did.
- I guess so.
I guess so.
I mean, I was determined.
It was the pole star of my life.
It was the driving force of my life.
Like nothing else compared to self-realization.
So I really--
- Which reminds me of what many spiritual teachers have said
which is that the most significant indicator of awakening is the intensity of your desire
for it.
I think that's true.
I remember watching an interview, you were being interviewed by Yvonne Kaysen, I believe
is how you pronounce her name.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Recently, and she asked you that question, like, what is something that after all your
interviews that you've experienced, like, what is something you've taken away?
And I remember you saying that, like, the perseverance, that utter dedication to the goal seems to
be the common denominator among most of these.
Yeah.
And then one might ask, well, which is the cart and which is the horse?
Do you have this vehement intensity because you're on the brink of awakening?
Or do you get awakened because you have it?
Or is it ridiculous to sort of try to establish a linear relationship between those two things?
Yeah, it's a good question.
That's a good question and I think it's probably a little bit of both.
Ultimately, it's all one.
It's really one process that's emerging.
So you know, it's spirit that's guiding the process itself.
So it is one thing.
Which aspect of it comes first?
I don't know.
It's a good question.
In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali talks about yogis of mild, medium, or intense desire for
enlightenment and then he talks about the vehemently intense ones are the ones that
get it the most quickly. That was me for sure. On the other hand I've seen vehemently intense
people literally go crazy and have to be institutionalized because they just push too hard. Yes and that
almost was me. We'll talk more about this crazy versus spiritual conundrum as we go
along. Sure. So okay I remember now this sequence of events. So there's this sort of last day
on earth and I remember going to bed and the next thing I knew there was just pure death.
I didn't wake up. It's really hard to describe what this feeling was, but the only way I
can describe it is to just call it death. It was death itself. My entire field of consciousness
was just permeated with this utter horrific experience. But thankfully there was no I
there. There was only this death, so there wasn't suffering because I wasn't there.
And I don't know how long I was there in that state or how long that state lasted,
but I started to come back. This sort of little I came back and emerged out of this death and then I
kind of popped out of it. And I was different after that. There was no more fear. I was sort
in this fearless state. I could just tell the difference. You're not always aware that there's
fear, but I could tell that there was just no fear. And it wasn't in anything I was doing,
it was just the internal experience of the absence of fear. And so I was very open. And
I went to bed that night and I had the intuition to do some kriyas, which was very surprising
to me, I ended up doing like the three perfect kriyas of my life because I was so open and
so surrendered.
So when you do a kriya, it means you go through a certain sequence of steps that are in the
practice.
Yes.
How long does it take to do a kriya usually?
I think one kriya takes about somewhere like 15 to 30 seconds.
Oh, they're really fast.
Yeah, like up and down.
I think...
You scan your chakras or something.
Yeah.
I think there's a right way to do it and then there are other kind of variations
so the timing might differ. I just remember these kriyas being just so
beautiful and perfect and feeling like wow I finally did it and there was no
pain and there was just this beautiful feeling of surrender and acceptance and
then I went to bed and as I was laying down in my bed I remember feeling that
nothingness, but this time it wasn't inside of me, it was above my head. And in
an instant I had this realization, I am that. I am that nothingness. It
immediately just washed into my body and literally like a bubble popping, it felt
like the separation fell away. It was as if there was this psychological layer
all around my physical form that just completely melted away and there was no
more separation. Whereas before there was sort of me and then a barrier, a boundary
and then not me. That immediately fell away with that realization and there was
just this unity. And it didn't come with you know angels coming down from heaven
with trumpets and like I thought it would. It wasn't rainbows and leprechauns
or whatever, it wasn't even blissful. It was just like, "Huh, this is oneness." I
remember it feeling so peculiar because I would look at my body and like, "Well, I
clearly have a body. I feel it. It's still here, but I know that it's not me
anymore." Like it was transparent. It was see-through all of a sudden, and I was
the consciousness that was infinite and just went out without any boundaries
from the center of my heart out and then I just went to sleep. It was like any
ordinary experience was still there but there was this added layer in the
morning of love. Some people talk about that. Yeah I'm not sure. I woke up the
next day August 15th I remember the day because this is sort of the big moment
for me. I woke up the next day and I knew I was awake. There was just this knowing
and everything was love. So the unity was still there but there was this added
layer in the morning of love that was just permeating everything and I had the
realization that everything is love, that I am love, that is literally what I am
made of, that is my substance, my essence and that is the substance and the essence
of everything else in the universe. And it was beautiful, needless to say. With it, immediately,
there was this strong impulse to serve right away. Like that moment, as soon as the love
came, there was just this strong impulse to serve. And I knew that part of my dharma was
to help people to awaken, and it was to help clear up a lot of misconceptions about self-realization,
I had a ton of false ideas about self-realization.
And then there was this awakening and it was like, "Oh my gosh, I was so wrong about this."
And I considered myself a pretty intelligent guy.
I got good grades in school.
I read a bunch of books and I thought I really understood what it was going to be like and
it was just so different than what I thought it was going to be.
know enlightenment or self-realization it has this sort of exotic mystical quality
like it's out there and it's far away and it's in the future and then I just
there was this realization like no it's right here it's right now there's
nothing else to it it's so simple. Did you ever read Suzanne Siegel's book
Collision with the Infinite? I did, I did. Great book. That was a classic example of someone having an
awakening and having it be very unlike what her preconception was.
Yeah, exactly.
And so she was like totally freaked out because even though she'd been actually studying this
stuff for years, she didn't recognize it because her understanding was dissimilar to the reality
of the thing.
Right, exactly.
So that's how it was for me and I just remember feeling like I need to clear up these misconceptions
for people.
Whatever I can do so that it's more accessible.
And the other thing I want to say about service is that I think this is a common experience
for those who awaken and experience unity that there's a strong impulse to serve.
Not everyone, some people stay more in the background, act as frequency holders.
I think Bonnie Greenwell said that it's the modern impulse is to serve, is to go back
out in the world and serve.
And that's also-
I think it's kind of a human impulse.
you see a good movie or you go to a good restaurant, you want to tell your friends about it because
it's something you really enjoy. Sure. And thankfully I had Phil and he was warning me
a little bit about this sort of evangelical fervor that can come after an awakening.
Yeah, you want to be careful that you don't push it too much, even if it's the most amazing thing
in the world because people have their ideas and their beliefs and not everyone wants their
worldview to be shaken up. The other thing about service is that I feel that it's an
important part of the post-awakening embodiment process. So like Bernadette Roberts talks about
this in her writings where she says that you know you go so far in you can't go further in anymore,
you reach the center and then the movement is no longer an inward movement it becomes an outward
movement. It's an embodiment where the center expands outward and it includes everything.
I think service plays a major role in that embodiment. So not only is it a natural impulse,
like you said, a natural human impulse, it's also a natural impulse that arises after awakening.
And it's also an important aspect to the integration and acclimation of the
awakening experience that is to follow. I guess one way I like to think of it is
that when you recognize or experience your true
identity, which is not merely individual, which
you've just been saying, and so what is it? Well, it's a oneness
with the intelligence that governs the universe.
And what does that intelligence want to do? It wants everyone and everything to
evolve. And so here we have a recruit who has
actually realized his essential oneness with that intelligence, so you become an instrument
of the divine.
That's exactly right. Yes, and everything you encounter from that point forward, you
realize is yourself. So you are interacting with yourself in various forms. And what else
can you do but love yourself? Right? So you're going to do everything that you can for those
who are suffering or...
Love your neighbor as yourself. I mean, I think when Jesus said that, he was implying that
He is yourself.
Absolutely.
Or St. Francis, it is in giving that we receive.
That's maybe another way to--
All those things.
So that was a powerful day for me.
But it only lasted a day, because the next day,
I was in ego again.
I knew that there was this death that occurred.
Like this major chunk of ego had been scooped out and thrown
away.
But there was still stuff left.
There was still karma and impressions that needed to be released and worked through.
And it doesn't all happen at once.
That was another misconception I had, that you just sort of pop into awakening and then it's done.
You're free. It's a one and done.
You know, there's no other work left.
You escape from humanity. You got no responsibilities and that's it.
But that was not the case.
there was a sort of karmic runoff that began on that day.
I think in Sanskrit it's called leishavidya,
like the faint traces of ego
that have to continue unfolding post-awakening.
- Yeah.
- And so this began a whole year
of what Adyashanti calls the I got it, I lost it phase.
So I was in the I got it, I lost it phase for an entire year.
That was in some ways the best year of my life
and in other ways the worst year of my life.
And I'll explain.
I mean, the I got it, I lost it,
is sort of like, okay, you get this realization,
and then you lose it again.
Because the ego, it's sort of like the ego
is mortally wounded, and then it falls into the background,
and the awareness and the peace comes into the foreground.
But then the ego's still there,
and it needs to reassert itself,
so that it's part of the purification process
that there's a sort of expansion,
and then a contraction and it just keeps going like that.
I didn't know it at the time,
but I see the I got it, I lost it phase
as a purification that was happening.
- On your contracted days,
was it like kind of miserable because you were gripped?
- Oh, horrible.
- Couldn't wait to go to sleep that night
so you could just be unconscious.
- Oh my gosh, yeah.
Just the worst, I didn't know how deep suffering could go
until I experienced that year of my life.
In the beginning, there was more suffering,
and the peace was few and far between.
So I'd have like a week of suffering, just pure,
and then a day of peace, where I got it again.
And then it would be a week of suffering,
and then a day of peace.
And then slowly over the course of the year, it flipped.
So there would be like a week of peace,
and then a day of suffering.
And then it reversed for an entire year.
And just a little side note here, in that year,
I ended up editing Phil's first book, Grace Happens,
which I forgot to mention,
that was a big part of our introduction as well.
So he wrote a book six months before I met him
called Grace Happens, An Awakening of Consciousness,
and he shared it with me when we first met.
It was just a manuscript at the time,
it hadn't been edited or published.
So he gave it to me because he thought it could help me
through the process, and it did, very much so.
I think what, you read it and I know you really liked it.
The book is unique in a way and I haven't encountered,
I don't think anything like it because--
- And you've read a lot of spiritual books.
- I've read a lot of spiritual books, yes I have.
So a lot of spiritual teachings,
they help you get to an awakening,
they show you how to get there
and then they talk about what it's like as an ego
and also after an awakening.
But they don't explain, or very few,
I think there's more coming out now.
But at the time, I had no exposure to anything
that explained the transition phase
from ego identification to ego transcendence.
Like I said, it's not just a one and done, poof,
and then you're there.
There's a period of time where you
have to transition into this awakened state
so that you can live it in an abiding way.
Phil's book was really instrumental
because it kind of outlined his personal journey
through that process from a bird's eye view,
but also through his journal entries and emails
that he was writing during his time.
So it really validated my experience
and gave me the courage to move through the process.
And so I bring that up because during this
I got it, I lost it phase, I edited his first book,
Grace Happens.
And he ended up writing a second book
called Reflections of Consciousness, Essays on the Journey of Awakening and the Nature of Reality,
which is also fantastic. It's very different. It's 18 essays on different spiritual topics,
and I edited that as well. And both of those books are now on Amazon. And side note, you can get an
autographed copy through me or through Soulscape if you're in Encinitas. But anyways, so I edited
his book during the Psychotic I Lost It phase. And that was a really interesting experience and
one of the best times of my life because I was actually reading what I was going
through at the time and it helped to ground me because I had to be so
detail-oriented to edit a book. You know, you're really focused on every word and
misspellings and the deeper meaning and the flow of information so I had to
really step out of myself to do it and that was very healing and grounding for
and integrating for me. And at this time, for those of you who've read Grace
Happens, you know that Phil was struggling financially after his
awakening, and here I was struggling spiritually. So we decided to move in
together so that I could help him and he could help me, and we became a great team.
And so we were living together at this time. During the I Got It, I Lost It. And
then after a year, again August 2021, this day, which I call the Day of the
yoking happened. I woke up that morning and my higher self was speaking to me again.
And this time I knew to trust it because it told me the truth. It had been proven
right so I knew it was trustworthy. And it said, "Today's the day. Watch the ego
die." It said a few other things too. It also said, "From this day forward I will
never leave you." And it also said, "Now you have permission to teach." And I trusted
that. So I went about my day and I kind of forgot about it and then that night I
was reading Meher Baba's discourses. Meher Baba was a huge influence on my
post-awakening journey, especially in that year. I read God Speaks, which is
outstanding for anyone who hasn't read it, and discourses. And I was reading this
one passage where he talks about in order to get to self-realization, I'm of
of course, misquoting him, but in order to get to self-realization, you have to absolutely
surrender everything to the guru.
And in that moment, I was overcome with this immense devotion to the guru.
Whether the guru was my higher self or life itself or God or Yogananda or whoever I was
connected to, I just poured.
It was almost instinctual.
I wasn't doing it.
just happened, that there was just this outpouring of devotion and surrender to
the Guru. In that moment, two things happened. Number one, I felt this
tremendous yanking at the top of my head. It was so powerful and at the same time I
heard very loudly the words "get to work." I mean, I can't make this stuff up. This
This yanking was like my consciousness was pulled up and out of my body and with that
came this horrible ego death.
It was like another layer of ego death.
And granted, I had been experiencing little ego deaths for this whole year, but this one
was an especially large one.
And I understood in that moment the meaning of yoga because the root word of yoga, I think
in Sanskrit, it means to unify.
- To yoke. - To yoke.
- You, to yoke.
- Yeah, to yoke.
And that's what it felt like.
It felt like my consciousness was being yoked
to the universal consciousness
so that I could never fall back down.
And from that day forward,
I never lost the oneness that remains to this day.
And the get to work came with the energy
to actually get to work.
And that was the last day of the I got it, I lost it.
there was a permanent unity that lasted.
So it became abiding.
And I knew that the get to work was two things.
I was gonna go back and become a therapist
'cause I had just graduated a year, a year and a half before,
but I hadn't finished all the hours I needed for licensure.
In California, you need to get 3,000 hours
to become a therapist of supervised practice
and client hours, client contact,
and I'd only done half of that.
And I, during the awakening, I was thinking,
you know, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I might not become a therapist.
It might not work, and I don't know.
So this get to work came with this knowing of,
oh, I'm gonna be a therapist again.
It came with a lot of intuitive information.
So I started looking for a job.
I found this great place called Good Therapy San Diego,
which I'm still at.
It's been three years.
And the timing of that was just really special.
Once I started looking, I immediately
saw the post online for a job offer.
And I knew, oh, this is the one.
I'm going to get it.
And it became a beautiful career.
Katie and Adam Brooks, they're married, and they're the owners,
and they're doing some really great work for the community.
I'm an office manager now and a clinical partner.
And the office was like two miles from my house.
So it just felt like perfect timing, perfect location,
everything was just sorted out beautifully.
And the other part of the get to work I knew was the teaching,
that I was going to begin teaching about self-realization
and helping others get there.
I don't consider myself a guru.
I don't even really feel like I have anything
that others don't have.
But my role as a teacher-- I'm not really a teacher,
but my role as a teacher is to just draw out
the wisdom that's already within people.
- That's any teacher's role, really.
- Yeah, exactly.
- If the teacher gives the impression
that he has something that you don't
and you can only get it from him,
then find a different teacher, probably.
- Yes, amen to that.
Let's see, what happened next?
So I started working.
I also started creating a website and I bought a house.
So this is now 2022, I believe.
I could be getting my dates wrong
'cause my memory, to be honest,
still isn't that great since the awakening.
I used to have a great memory before.
- A lot of awakened people say that.
Maybe it's not deficient,
maybe it just functions differently.
Maybe it's not normal, but maybe it's preferable.
- Yeah, I trust that it's okay.
And maybe I'm just not needing to hold on
to things that aren't necessary.
I just keep whatever's necessary
and I throw away whatever isn't.
You know, I remember reading Issar Gadat's "I Am That"
and he says, "I have no memory.
I live only in the present."
So that was helpful a little bit.
I think he might've meant something slightly different.
- One way of putting it is that,
the average person might have like a hundred thoughts
per minute or whatever time period.
And an awakened person might have one or two thoughts,
but he's not missing anything.
And the 98% of the thoughts were unnecessary anyway.
just static and since he only has two instead of a hundred, then all the energy that was
dissipated by those 98 superfluous thoughts gets channeled into the two thoughts and they
become much more powerful and efficacious.
Sure, I like that. I like that. It reminds me of, I think Michael Singer says, "Just
remember, thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings." We place so much meaning
and attachment to the thoughts, but they're just thoughts.
Yeah, and what reminded me of that is your talk of memory. And so I also include memory in this. I
mean, think of how many people cogitate on what they went through in high school, or, you know,
all kinds of memories that aren't really serving any purpose. It's endless.
Yeah, so in this period, I started working again, I made a website, I bought a house,
and Phil and I, I asked Phil to live with me. And my vision was to create a place where we could
cultivate peace and so everybody who came over could feel that peace and get in
touch with their inner nature, their true nature, and we've been doing that ever
since and it's been really wonderful. We're creating a hive as Yogananda says
full of the honey of God. Nice. So it's it's been a really beautiful experience
but I started working and I got off to a rough start because I had all this
training in therapy, I knew what I was doing. I'd worked with clients before, but I had never
done it from the Awaken perspective. So it was a completely different experience. And I would sit
down in sessions and just be so confused and lost because the mind would tell me to do something,
and then something else would happen. There was this non-doership that was happening,
that an intervention would just emerge.
So when you say the mind would tell you to do something,
it would tell you to do something that your
academic training had
instilled in you to do.
Yeah. But then your natural impulse was
something different.
Exactly, yeah. And the training is still useful.
You still can draw on it
and use it, but it was telling me
you know, you have to follow this exact
specific protocol. This is the way that it is.
And then the non-doership would just happen
and something else would come out.
come out and then I would get really distressed. So, I'm like, "Oh no, I'm doing something wrong."
And even though this awakening is abiding, I'm still not understanding how to live it,
right? So, this was the embodiment process that began. So, I was having a lot of trouble
with this sort of trusting in what was emerging. So, I ended up reaching out to a few different
people who are on the cutting edge of psychology and spirituality, many of whom I know you have
interviewed. So I reached out to James Finley, he had retired. I reached out to Bonnie Greenwell,
she wrote me this beautiful email just before she passed. I really appreciated that. Of course,
she couldn't help. I emailed Dorothy Hunt and she wrote me this really awesome email that's still
very impactful for me today and I quoted it in one of my blogs on my website
called my therapeutic orientation where I explain my style as a therapist and she
put it beautifully she said these trainings and these techniques that we
have are like arrows in our quiver in other words they're like tools in our
toolbox what changes is now that we allow our true nature to emerge and
choose which one we're going to use in any given moment. But that each moment is
unique and each person is unique so you can't have a set way of how you're
going to do things. You have to be able to be open and flow in the moment. So that
was incredibly helpful for the embodiment process for me. But for somebody who has
been trained in psychotherapy, flowing in the moment is going to be quite different
than somebody who has no such training.
The training is an important component.
- The training is an important component, yes.
The mind is still useful.
It just becomes a tool.
It becomes a servant rather than the master.
But Dorothy was also retired,
and so she couldn't help me,
even though that email helped me.
And I had read Suzanne Siegel's book.
Is that how you say her name?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Collision with the Infinite,
and it was edited by Steven Bodian.
And at the same time, Phil was telling me,
you should check out Stephen Bodian.
He also does this stuff.
So I had known a little bit about him
and Dorothy recommended this book called The Sacred Mirror,
which is all about non-dual psychotherapy,
basically how to do psychotherapy
from a non-dual perspective.
- Is that Stephen's book?
- I think John Prendergast is one of the editors
and Sheila Crystal and someone else,
Adyashanti does the introduction.
So I had come in contact with Stephen's work.
And so I decided to reach out to him,
and thankfully he was available.
And we didn't work very long together.
We did a little bit of EMDR to kind of clear up
some karmic runoff stuff that was--
- Remind me of what EMDR means?
- EMDR, it stands for
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.
It's a mouthful that you don't need to know.
But essentially, it's a highly evidence-based,
internationally recognized technique for healing trauma.
And so during this embodiment process there was some trauma that was starting to emerge that I hadn't been aware of pre-awakening.
And so Steven helped me clear some of that up through EMDR.
And that's what introduced me to EMDR and so now I'm trained in that because it was very helpful for me.
But basically to sum up my work with Steven, which was super instrumental, and I know you interviewed him as well.
A couple times.
He basically just taught me to trust what was emerging. It wasn't that complicated
easier said than done, but
Once I really got that and I understood that
Everything started to flow a lot easier and then things kind of sounds like your ego was just or your individuality was by habit
Still trying to meddle in the situation and yeah, all you had to do is say get out of the way kid
we got this, you know? Exactly. Yeah. It's like this is where you belong. You belong in
the background. You're still useful, but you're not in charge here. There's a saying, "Brahman
is the charioteer." So the eagle can sit in the back of the chariot, Brahman's got the
reins. Exactly. That's the experience. So after that, everything started to flow very
smoothly and I started to get my sea legs and understand how to live in the embodied
State or live in the Awakened State in an embodied way and that's been the process ever since.
I'm still on that journey.
From what I understand, that journey never ends.
Every moment is an experience in God's self-disclosure, you could say, or you're coming in contact
with yourself in new ways.
So there's always learning that's happening.
There's always a deepening or an integration that's happening and that continues to this
day.
- Well, there's still a lot of things we can talk about here.
So one thing comes to mind,
have you ever read Peace Pilgrim's book?
- I have not read her book, but I am familiar with her.
- Yeah, you'd be able to read it in about an hour.
It's this little book, but it's so cool.
And the thing that reminded me of it was,
well, for those who don't know who Peace Pilgrim was,
she was this older woman who completely put herself
in the lap of God, so to speak,
and started just walking around the United States
with nothing but the shirt on her back
or a pair of sneakers and I love it. No money, no food, no nothing. She just threw herself on the
mercy of the divine and was totally supported. And she had this shirt on that said Peace Pilgrim on
the front and she'd walk around all kinds of places never endangered or, you know, well taken
care of. But anyway, I was reminded of her because there's this graph that she puts in the book where
she says that as long as you're kind of doing your evolutionary thing, you know, with individual
effort is a gradual ascent, but once you kind of get out of the way, then it's like a hockey
stick, it really, like climate change, it really takes off.
Sure.
Yeah.
That's kind of, your story reminded me of that, because it seemed to accelerate after
your awakening, and if you think about it, like, unbounded awareness is like a solvent,
and any crud that you have in your makeup is not going to be able to persist or adhere
exposure to that solvent, it's going to start dissolving. And it's going to be able to dissolve
much more efficiently with a lot less disturbance than it could when you are isolated as an
individual like throwing a little mud in a glass of water versus throwing the same amount
of mud in an ocean.
That's right. Another analogy that reminds me of what you're saying, it's like taking
off on a rocket ship. When the rocket ship first leaves the surface of the earth, there's
just this tremendous effort and force that's required to get lift off, but then
as it leaves the atmosphere it just kind of coasts and then it goes off of the
momentum that it built already and so that's what it feels like. Pre-awakening
there's this egoic "I gotta do and I gotta push and I gotta be" and all these
things and then post awakening it's just well everything just is the way it is
and that's okay. It's actually perfect.
We hear all these spiritual teachings about how you're not really the doer, right?
And if you're trying to be the doer, it clashes with the reality of the
situation, which is that you're not the doer.
Exactly. You have to get out of the way in order for real, positive, impactful doing to happen.
But on the other hand, these people who
prematurely tell students to give up the search and accept things the way they are
are and don't do spiritual practices and all that, I think are misguiding them.
Because there's a time, as long as you perceive yourself to be a doer, then it takes a thorn
to remove a thorn.
Exactly.
It might behoove you to do some doing.
Yes.
Every method, every technique has its time and its place, right?
It has its value, but you have to know when to use it and how to use it.
And you want to meet people where they're at.
You don't want to give something to someone that isn't meeting them where they're at,
it's probably not going to help and it might even harm.
Yep. So that's why attunement is really important.
Yes, I've used this saying before, some Indian saying that
when the mangoes are ripe the branches bend down to the level of the people so
they can just pick them. So yeah, a good teacher meets the
student at whatever level they're at and gives them what's appropriate.
Yeah, so that's what I do. I try. I'm not perfect of course,
But I do my best. It's worked out so far.
A little earlier you were talking about how you kind of felt like you were going crazy when you're going through all this intense stuff.
And some people do go crazy. I mean, I've been on long courses where people have jumped off balconies and immolated themselves.
So it's a delicate dance sometimes. I feel like I've gone through some rather crazy phases myself over the course of my decades of practice,
especially on long courses, like a six-month course where you're meditating all the time.
So maybe we could talk about that, how spiritual development or evolution is a restructuring
of your whole makeup. And in the midst of that restructuring, you're not as stable and
as integrated as you really need to be to function. And so how do we most artfully and
safely navigate the journey and allow all this shuffling and restructuring to take place without
ending up in a nut house or going off on some tangent?
Well, that's a good question. I'm not sure I have the greatest answer for you. I mean,
I think every situation is probably different, and you'd have to really understand the context
and what's going on. But I think if you have a general understanding of how psychosis and
awakening are similar and yet different, then you might be able to perceive where
someone is at and you could help them. How are they similar and different?
They're similar in the way that when you're experiencing both you have access
to these subtler realms, the sort of collective consciousness you could say.
Granted with psychosis I do think a lot of people are accessing the lower
astral or lower vibrational worlds and that's why a lot of their delusions and
hallucinations are dark and scary. But awakening you're experiencing those
subtle realms as well. The difference is that with an awakening there's a much
stronger psychological foundation. It isn't as porous. When there's psychosis
it feels more porous. And Carl Jung talks about this a lot because he also had this sort of
awakening and he thought he was going crazy and he started talking to his archetypes and
collective unconscious and all this stuff. So he wrote a lot about this, but essentially,
you know, with psychosis, the ego or the psychological framework isn't stable, it isn't strong. And
so you don't necessarily want to be doing spiritual work unless you feel called to do that. You
want to focus more on I think stabilizing and grounding yourself. Granted you could
always do both maybe if you're careful. But awakening, you know, I'm not even totally
sure what all the subtler differences are but there just seems to be a much stronger
foundation psychologically. It's like you don't lose touch with your everyday reality even though
you recognize that reality is not ultimate reality, right? The five senses and our world,
it's an appearance in divine mind, it's an illusion and you know some people don't like
that word illusion. It's relatively real but it's not ultimately or absolutely real. But awakening,
you don't lose touch with that. You still want to function in the world. And so there is some level
of ego that's necessary. You want to have a stable ego. But post-awakening, the ego is not this
identity of me and mine and attachments and judgments and interpretations and divisions
and you name it. It's more of just a thin interface. It's impersonal, but it still allows
you to function in the world. So it's what allows me to talk to you today. You know, you still need
a mind, you still need a body to be able to live. It's like a faculty along with your other
faculties that enable you to function. Yeah, you still need these tools to navigate the world.
And so I want to say more about the psychosis and enlightenment thing.
Since you're on the topic of ego, some people talk about losing all sense of a personal self.
And I've never been able to relate to that because if you whack them with their thumb with a hammer,
there's this personal self that doesn't like that, tries to pull the thumb away.
And they might say, well, that's just a bodily function or an instinctive thing.
But pain is felt locally by somebody. It's not felt by some guy in China when you hit your thumb in
San Diego with the hammer. Even though there might be some deeper transcendent awareness that is
beyond the pain, there's still some individuation that experiences things normally.
- Yes, there's still individuality, you don't lose that. One thing I would maybe adjust is that
it's not like there's a somebody, but it's the consciousness. Consciousness is what's
responding and reacting to pain. There just isn't this identification or attachment to the pain.
There isn't a narrative.
There's no belief system or story
that's attached to the experience of pain.
Maybe not a belief system, but like, you know,
you and Phil live in the same house.
And even though I'm in Iowa,
we all have ultimately, fundamentally,
the same consciousness.
But if you burn your hand on the stove,
you feel it.
Phil doesn't feel it.
I don't feel it.
You know, there's some kind of localization
that you need.
Otherwise, you're not going to be able to feel it.
You're still gonna feel it. Steve Taylor uses the words like a self-system to kind of describe the
difference. Like there's an ego self-system which is more contracted and constricted,
but then there's sort of this awakened self-system. So there's still a self-system,
there's still some reference point that is having these experiences. It's just a lot subtler.
Well, maybe it's the small ratio that you said before the faint remains
It's not the whole that could be just solid center of things, but it's still there just very much attenuated
Yes, that could be
you may have seen the thing that I did with audie shanti and susanna marie about the
Loss of personal self. I don't know we did that about six years ago or something or more. I didn't see that
You might like that. Yeah. Anyway, i've always pondered this because various people do say that and it's not my experience
but I'm thinking, "Oh, maybe there's something missing. I haven't gotten there yet."
But other times I think, "No." It's like if you had a candle in a dark room, it would easily illuminate the room.
But if you put the same candle in the sunlight, it's generating just as much heat,
but you can't even tell if it's lit because the sun's so bright.
Sure, sure. That's a good way to put it.
Or the stars in the daytime. The stars are shining on us just as brightly as they do at night,
but you can't see them because the sun is so bright.
So like that, you know, pure awareness is there and there's still an ego, but it just seems almost lost in the
vastness of the self
Ramana Maharshi uses a great
Analogy about the moon. He says that the ego pre awakening is like a full moon at night
It's just massive and it sticks out but post awakening. It's like a sliver of the moon in broad daylight
It's still there. Yeah, but it's been shaved away
significantly and it's more in the background. It's not directing the flow
of activity. It's more along for the ride, but you still need something in order to
navigate and you experience pain, sure. It's just that there's no suffering
because there's no attachments or expectations or needing things to be
different than the way they are. There's just what is. That's good. I had never
heard that analogy from him before. Oh really? Yeah, I'll use that one. Another
- The other thing I wanna say about the ego
is that there are some teachings or teachers
who talk about annihilation of ego,
that that's what happens.
And that is true from a certain perspective
because you are annihilating the identification with ego.
So you no longer see yourself as an ego.
But another way to say it would be that the ego
is just reconstructed or reconfigured
or it moves up to a higher way of functioning,
like a more efficient functioning,
it can still help to take in your experience
and understand what's going on
and reflect on the awakening experience and all that stuff.
- Yeah, you know, there's verses in the Gita
where the ego, which is in control,
is compared with a thief
who appropriates things that don't belong to him.
So the ego, assuming that it is the doer of action, is considered a thief.
What you're saying is in the awakened state, the ego has found its proper place in the
hierarchy of the personality, and it's still an essential component of the personality,
but it no longer has usurped authority.
Exactly.
Yogananda will say that there's like King Ego and King Soul, and King Soul is the rightful
leader of the body and King Ego is, you know, the usurper.
He's just the court jester, he's not the king.
Yeah.
All right, that's pretty good.
One thing I was thinking about when you were comparing psychosis with enlightenment, or
awakening, I prefer that word, takes place on the basis of the foundation of, you could
say, a strengthening, a purification, a preparation of the mind-body system to the point where
awakening is just natural and almost inevitable, as in your case, once one is fully prepared
for it. Whereas psychosis, the system can be very weak, impure, discombobulated, incoherent,
and there's a sort of a breaking open, but to what? You're not in a condition to incorporate
unbounded awareness and function in a coherent way.
Yeah, that's my understanding.
And so I think for spiritual seekers, the important point is that the motto "safety first".
You can destabilize yourself with disastrous consequences.
You can.
And it's important to proceed at a pace that is manageable for you,
with proper guidance, with exercise, with good food, with good sleep,
with not taking 500 micrograms of LSD every weekend.
Yes, please, please, safety first. I'm not a big fan of forcing the
kundalini or doing these really intense breathing or posturing
things that can activate it because it can be very dangerous.
For me, the kundalini did happen naturally, you could say, and it was
already almost more than I could bear.
So imagine if you're activating this powerful
kundalini energy before you're ready for it.
I've heard cases and I know some people
who are going through that and it's just a terrible time.
- I'm gonna start referring them to you
because I get contacted by people who say,
I had a kundalini awakening,
now I'm living in my parents' basement,
I can't work, I can't function.
I'm miserable. - That might happen.
Are you licensed to deal with people everywhere or just in California?
So I'm licensed only in California.
I do in person in Encinitas and also online throughout California virtually.
But the teaching, if the goal is self-realization, then I can work internationally, virtually.
And you do that already.
We'll talk about that before we close.
And I do that already.
Yes, I do that already and I also do that in person in Carlsbad.
Okay, good.
So another thing I wanted to talk to you about is the correlation, or lack of it, between
awakening-- we've sort of been talking about this-- between awakening and psychological
health and integrity, and also ethics and morality.
Because there are numerous examples of supposedly awakened teachers who don't seem to measure
up by those measures or standards, and it confuses people.
It confuses me.
I would like to think that spiritual awakening is correlated with almost saintliness, you
know, just a really pure way of living and dealing with people and not harming people
and so on.
And the way I rationalize when this doesn't happen, and there are numerous egregious cases,
is that the person is just half-baked.
It's not a full development.
They haven't undergone all the necessary integration and purification that ideally they need to
undergo and yet they may have assumed a teaching role and even become quite famous in that
role.
Yes, there's a lot I'd like to say about this.
I agree with you.
There is a blog post on my website where I do go into this a little bit.
It's the Ego, especially the Ego Part 2, where I talk about, there's sort of two processes
that go on.
There's the process of self-realization, which is the evolution of consciousness and the realization
of our true nature.
And then there's self-actualization, which is more of this psychological achievement.
But self-actualization, I would say, is on the level of ego.
And so it's just basically achieving a well-adjusted level of ego and success and self-identity
and it's, you know, there's a unified self-concept, but there's still a separate self there.
Those are two separate processes, in my opinion.
They have a lot of intersection and influence on one another, but they're really kind of
distinct processes where self-realization is just realizing your true nature.
It's waking up from the dream, right?
And stepping out of the box or stepping off the wheel, you could say, in Buddhism.
And that can happen at any point.
You don't have to be self-actualized to have a realization.
So you don't really have to be a well-adjusted ego.
Does it help?
Or know how to function?
It certainly does help, yeah.
But you don't have to be that.
Yeah, I mean, does the likelihood of self-realization increase as the ego becomes more healthy?
I think it approximates it.
I'm not sure I would ever stake a claim and say that it absolutely helps.
Because self-realization is just...
We're kind of wondering about how tight the correlation is, you know?
Obviously, it's not one-to-one, but there's some stretchiness.
What I'll say is that it's more likely, I think, that you will have an awakening if you are
self-actualized because it's sort of like the only thing left to do.
But I wouldn't go so far as to say there's causation.
Yeah, it might be good to throw in here too, that you say you might have an awakening,
but so what?
There are many awakenings.
There are many degrees of awakening.
I've heard Adya and others say that it's kind of seductive when you have an awakening to
think that this is it and that there aren't any more, whereas in fact there are many more.
Right. And if you have an awakening, which you can have at any time because it's stepping
out of the box altogether, if you have an awakening and you don't have a well-adjusted
ego to weather the storm and you're not familiar with social norms or things like that or psychological
issues and trauma and abuse and things like that, then you might fall into that
trap because you believe that everything is one and so it doesn't really matter.
But I would agree with you that it's sort of an incomplete awakening. You want
that stability as well and I would say that you know the wisdom aspect of
self-realization would say everything is perfect, everything is one, but it's
incomplete if it doesn't include the love aspect, the love has to be there as well.
And that's where I think the psychology can really help because you want to know
if you're hurting someone or not. So I think this is why. And that you care. Yeah.
So I think this is why, this is my explanation for why I believe there are
spiritual teachers and those who have achieved lofty states of consciousness, why they end
up hurting people and doing these unsavory things.
Granted, I do want to maybe give them a little benefit of the doubt by saying that you can't
judge someone from today's standards who's lived in the past.
You want to judge them by their standards in the past because things are still evolving.
of human nature and psychology and trauma and what helps people and what hurts people and
healing processes, these things are still evolving in our understanding on a day-to-day
level. And so maybe there's some level of people not understanding that. So I wouldn't
judge people way back when, based on our current standards, but I would say that the more recent
you have awakened, I do think the more responsible you have to be.
when I talk about this, I have in mind, you know, teachers who might have died now, but
were alive in our lifetimes and kind of creating some problems. Although many people still
adore them and feel like they've made huge differences in their lives, which I wouldn't
deny.
Absolutely. Yeah. There's still positive impacts that they have made.
It goes on, I mean, which is why we have the Association for Spiritual Integrity.
Yeah. And I'm a member of that too. And I love the honor code. And that's why I joined.
a big part of my work. I find it very important. So being awake, in my opinion, does not preclude
you from doing all these things, these hurtful things. It doesn't mean you just have a clean
slate to do whatever you want. You have to be considerate and ethical and it's very important,
especially if what we're wanting is for everybody to realize their true nature. You don't want
these teachers to be a bad example.
Yeah, it can be very disillusioning.
You know, another thing is that if you step into the role of being a spiritual teacher,
then it's not unlikely that you will have people feeling devoted to you, or just praising you, or adoring you,
or putting you on a pedestal and thinking that you were super wise and all that.
And you want to be mature enough so that doesn't go to your head,
because pride goeth before a fall, as they say.
Yes, it does. You still have to be careful.
and after an awakening there's karmic runoff that can happen and the process of that looks
differently for everybody but it could go on for years and so you want to stay vigilant,
for lack of a better word, of some of these subconscious samskaras or impressions that
haven't been worked through. You want to be careful that those don't crystallize or take
effect without your awareness.
Yeah, that's probably why in Zen, or so I've heard, I never studied Zen, they say that
once a student has awakened, they have a 10-year waiting period before they start to teach.
Yes. For me, it was about three years, and I still, you know, at times feel like I'm
out of my depths, and that's okay. And I just acknowledge that there's a lot I don't know,
and I'm upfront about that. But thankfully, I did have inner confirmation that I trust,
And also, outer confirmation from Phil, who both encouraged me to teach.
So I hope and I trust that I am at least a little bit prepared and ready, and that the
universe won't send me someone that I can't assist in some way.
And if they do, you can refer them to somebody else.
And if they do, I will refer them to someone else.
And I would be more than happy to say, "I can't help you.
I'm sorry."
Well, I think you have the important quality of humility, and it's a safety measure for
anybody, but it protects you from getting bigger than your britches.
Yes, exactly. And in my psychology field,
you know, to get licensed you have to pass a big law and ethics exam.
It's a huge part of our training. It would also be cool
if all spiritual teachers could undergo the kind of psychological journey
you went through. Yeah, that would be nice. Wouldn't that be great? Maybe someday, maybe in the future
as we keep evolving, that'll happen. It's a big part of my work and I
I take it very seriously.
- Talking about the future,
spiritual awakening is really optimum mental health,
I think you would agree.
So the mental health profession ultimately, ideally,
should be in the job of helping people spiritually awaken.
And right now, perhaps only 1% of therapists
are thinking that way, but maybe 50 years from now,
that will be kind of like part of the package.
So you will have all this rigorous training
and ethical standards and everything
in the spiritual teaching profession
as you now have in the psychological profession.
- You and me both, my friend.
So that's part of what I do,
is I like to blend the spiritual and the psychological,
and I think that's the way forward here.
I think most of the field of psychology
is rooted on the ego level, of course.
It's hard to see outside of that.
It's very helpful, of course.
It helped me, it helps a lot of people,
but it's also incomplete without the spirituality,
Because as long as you're identified as an ego, suffering is in play.
Because, you know, there's resistance to reality, there's resistance to change,
there's fear of the unknown, there's this feeling that you're a separate self.
There's a lack of fulfillment that's always going to be gnawing at you.
Yeah, there's these narratives and beliefs that we have, that we attach to.
So as long as there's ego identification, there's going to be suffering.
And of course, psychology is really focused on reducing suffering.
So the way forward for psychology is really to start to bring the spiritual into it.
I think it's not complete without that.
I think that's the way forward for pretty much all aspects of society.
Everything from ecology to the military to just about everything you can imagine.
I couldn't agree more.
spirituality has the potential to impact positively every aspect of our lives
because it's the most fundamental thing
you know so it must be fundamental to everything ultimately physics and uh...
biology, everything
exactly spirituality is really just reality
that's what it comes down to when you awaken to your true nature you're
awakening to reality
science and psychology and ecology and all these things they're part of reality
they're equally valuable, they have their time and their place.
They're all like spokes on a wheel and spirituality is the hub.
Sure.
Which leads me to another point that you wrote an essay about in your blog
about rising mental illness and what we can do about it.
And I've been thinking about this lately. I've heard some various political
commentators or others say that
they feel like a
large percentage of
the population is
psychotic
in some way. Maybe we wouldn't agree with the
strict definition of that word applied to 50% of society. But when you look at what
has happened to certain societies in the past like Nazi Germany or China under
Chairman Mao, everybody goes nuts. And the people who haven't gone nuts better keep
their mouth shut or they'll be killed. Yeah I would call that like a kind of
mass psychosis. Yeah. You know it's not psychosis in the formal diagnosis way but
It's a sort of mass insanity.
It is and it has happened many times.
I was thinking about the war in Rwanda a few decades ago where people were calling each
other cockroaches and hacking each other to death with machetes.
People who had been neighbors, you know, who had actually had intermarried in little communities,
the Hooties and the Tootsies or whatever they were called.
I mean, people go nuts and it's happened over so many millennia and there's so many wars
have been fought.
What is your take on that?
Well, I mean, it's really tragic.
It's sad and it reveals that there's a sickness in our world.
And I think that sickness is just lack of knowledge of our true nature.
So I agree there is a rising mental illness.
I do believe it's getting worse.
I think it's partly due to the fallout from COVID, a number of other factors, the rapid
pace of advancement of technology and change and social media.
Social media for sure, especially among teens I've noticed, really big factors for mental
illness.
I think in a nutshell, the ultimate solution is to start to bring spirituality into the
picture.
You have to because it's not complete without it.
You know, psychology is very practical, it's helpful, it's got a lot of wonderful tools
that I use, and it brings focus and helps us navigate our day-to-day lives.
But without the spirituality part, it's lacking meaning, it's lacking context, it's lacking
this deeper understanding, and there's no ultimate fulfillment or inner peace if there
isn't that deeper knowing of our nature.
- So how does that become a common feature of society as opposed to a rarity?
Maybe it's happening anyway.
- Well, you know, it's definitely happening.
First of all, you know, I'm thinking about Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point" where
he talks about, you know, enough people get to this level.
It doesn't have to be more than 50%.
It could be just any number where there's just a tipping point and then society starts
to take hold.
So I think it starts to take hold in society.
I think, unfortunately, there may have to be a lot of suffering in order for people
to get to this place.
- I got an email from a friend this morning, he said, "When are we gonna learn?" And I said,
"Well, you know, alcoholics have to bottom out very often before they'll seek help,
and perhaps humanity is an alcoholic." - Yeah, that could be. You know, suffering,
it's hard to talk about sometimes, especially if someone is in the throes of it, but
it's a form of grace, and it's embedded into the fabric of our world and reality because it's
part of the impetus to awaken. If there was no suffering, we wouldn't ever have a reason to
evolve or seek our true nature. So I do think unfortunately there may have to be
some suffering involved, but on the brighter side, it also can take shape this merging of
spirituality or infusion of spirituality in all aspects of life. It starts with just people like
you and me who are having these conversations and doing the work that we're doing and there are so
So many people out there who are doing this work and they're, you know, helping the world
move forward.
Yeah.
And I don't want to sound like a pessimist because I'm not.
I'm an optimist.
I think that we're eventually going to collectively get to a very nice place.
But it would be nice if the trauma that we have to go through to get there were minimized.
Yes.
And we can accelerate that process.
We don't just have to wait for things to just change through suffering.
We can accelerate the process through being aware.
You know, doing our work, or doing psychotherapy, or learning about spiritual topics, wrestling
with our trauma and our past karmic impressions, opening up the subconscious and releasing
it and processing everything.
We can get there faster if we're aware.
You know there's that saying, "Make hay while the sun shines."
I think the sun is really shining right now in terms of the opportunities for spiritual
advancement.
That's for sure.
And, you know, if you're interested, you'll find something.
It used to be that a spiritual teacher's radius of influence was, you know, how far he could walk in his sandals,
and how many years he lived. But these days it shoots all over the world.
Right now there's 183 people on here, and I think some of them are in India and various other places.
Hi everyone. Yeah, it's a double-edged sword, the Internet.
Like anything in this world, it can be used for good or for ill, so let's use it for good.
Yeah, very true. I think some questions are coming in. Irene's about to send them over to me.
What else would you like to say that we haven't thought about?
At some point before we wrap up I can share a little bit about my teaching service and my...
Why don't you do that right now, and then I'll have a couple questions for you.
Okay, so my teaching service is really focused on
self-realization.
That's the goal. How that manifests in each session is different. I'd like to meet you where you're at.
if you're coming to me for help and we just go with the flow and see where it
goes. One of the skills I feel that I have is that after attuning with someone
I can start to identify the blocks that are in the way of someone's realization.
I consider that a gift. So over time we would just start to deepen together and
I would just guide gently and point the way to your inner knowing so that your
intuition can take over and do the rest. We focus on the Big S self of course and
I work with people who are pre-awakening, who want to awaken, or also post
awakening if you're needing some stability or needing some context for
what's going on. Like you said in the beginning, I don't make any money from it.
It's completely free of charge, the donation is optional, and all the money
goes to the Rancho Coastal Humane Society, which is local here in Encinitas.
And I visited the campus of the Humane Society and I saw it with my own eyes and they gave
me a tour and it was beautiful and wonderful.
They're doing a lot of great things for the community and more than just for the animals,
it's also for humans in relation to animals.
I know where the money is going and I vouch for it.
I do work internationally or in person in Carlsbad and I work individually and with groups.
Nice.
So that's my spiel for the teaching.
Yeah, that's kind of the way we do Bath Cap too.
We obviously don't charge for it, but it relies on donations because I don't do anything else
these days to make a living.
Obviously a lot of the money goes to pay our salaries and all of our expenses.
just paid a lot of money to get a new website designed. But we also donate to
animal shelters and things like that. Beautiful. Irene has worked at an animal
shelter and is very generous. Oh nice. Beautiful. Yeah I love animals. And like you said in
the beginning, I don't judge or knock people who do charge for a spiritual
service. I think that's perfectly valid. And if that's your way to make a living
then that's perfect. I have the ability to not charge and it comes from my heart
and that's just what feels right. That's what comes through for me.
That's great. So on your website people can find details about your spiritual
teaching activities. Yes, and everything is personal, you know, it's fine-tuned to
the individual that I'm sitting with. But you do group stuff too. I also do
groups, yeah. I just started a group that's been going really well and I'm
open to other groups in person or virtually if that's something people are
interested in and if there's enough demand. Okay so I'll be linking to your
website from your page on BatGap. Cool sounds good. Okay so here's a few
questions I think we might have three or four of them. First is from a guy named
Abhishek Rai in San Jose. Do you think it is possible for science to create a pill
which accelerates enlightenment? How can we accelerate enlightenment of all eight
billion people on earth? That's a great question. If there is, I'd like to see it.
I'm thinking of Shri M. If you've read his book, Apprentice to a Himalayan Yogi, I
think it's called. Yeah. He talks about how his evolution or his realization was
quickened by, I guess his guru gave him some sort of concoction or drink and it
just forced him out of the separate self. So if that's true, I assume it's true, then maybe
there is...
>> Paul: What if that was Soma or something?
>> Edith: Yeah, maybe there is some sort of pill that could happen in the future. I don't
think our technology is there yet, but maybe I won't rule it out.
>> Paul: Yeah. Some people think, and I tend to agree that although it has its dangers,
the whole psychedelic phenomenon, which is really big these days, is a kick in the pants
for large numbers of people who otherwise wouldn't get going with a spiritual practice and it
might be for many people a preliminary thing and then they'll move on to some other practice
at once they've gotten a glimpse of what's possible.
Yes. Yeah, I would say you don't want to be reliant on it. It's ultimately, I don't think,
going to get you there, but it can help facilitate the process for sure. And at the very least,
it can awaken you to the fact that there's other things going on in this universe.
- There's more to life than meets the eye.
- Exactly, and if that's what you need
to get started on your spiritual journey,
then I'd say that's useful.
- Yeah, and like you said,
well, if science gets advanced enough to develop a pill,
well, nature's pretty advanced
and it's developed a bunch of stuff
that has been around for a long time.
- Good point, yeah.
God already has it figured out.
- Okay, same fellow, Abhishek from San Jose.
What's your vision for humanity?
If you have one.
Well, I think this might be a ways away.
It would be a miracle if I could see this in my lifetime.
But my vision for humanity is for everybody to awaken,
of course, and for suffering to be a distant dream.
If everybody was awake and we were in touch
with our true nature, then there would be peace on earth.
We would live with the knowing
that everything we encounter is ourselves.
And so we would provide love and respect and service
and understanding for every aspect of creation,
every aspect of the universe.
So that's gonna change society on every level.
I mean, there would be no wars, I don't think.
You would still have disagreements,
but it wouldn't be egoic, there wouldn't be violence.
It would just be harmonious and peaceful.
So I'd like to see that.
- Yeah.
- I hope that answers your question, Abhishek.
- I think there would also be a generosity
of spirit in humanity,
such that there would be equitable distribution of resources.
- Yes.
- So that nobody would be going hungry or without shelter or any of those necessities.
- 100%. Yes. And you would be able to serve others and give of your resources without fearing
that you're in a one down position or fearing loss of any kind. You would trust that if you're
gonna give, then it'll come back to you. So there would be a generosity of spirit,
but there would be harmony. I mean, there'd still be individual differences,
and you'd still appreciate the diversity of life and all that it has to offer, but
there just wouldn't be conflict. There certainly wouldn't be suffering or wars or...
Yeah. Okay. Next question is from Marie Cooney in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
And that's interesting because I have an old friend named Stan Cooney from Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania that used to play in a band that I was in. I wonder if she's related.
That'd be cool. Anyway, her question is, "Do you counsel people with chronic pain that's
considered mind-body syndrome, such as TMS or PPD?" I do work with psychosomatic issues,
especially because I have experience in my own life with that. I realized that my
ulcerative colitis was psychosomatic, and I worked through that. And I'm completely off meds now.
Another thing I forgot to mention.
- And your colitis is gone?
- Colitis is gone.
Another thing I forgot to mention
was that I do believe I received a divine healing.
During the I got it, I lost it phase,
I did have an intuition that said,
you are now healed of colitis.
I trust that and I haven't had any issues since.
So I do work with psychosomatic issues
and I understand the mind-body connection.
I'm not familiar with TMS or PPD, what those stand for.
- Irene, you know what TMS or PPD stand for?
She doesn't know either. All right. But in any case, Marie could contact you.
Yeah, absolutely.
But can you work with a person in Philadelphia with this kind of stuff or would you?
Not for psychotherapy, no.
Right. But maybe just on a personal level, you could give her some tips or something as a spiritual teacher.
Absolutely, yeah. Even if I can't work with you in California on a therapeutic level,
we could always do teaching if you're interested in self-realization or at the very least,
just reach out. I mean, I'm always just wanting to help. So if you have questions or whatever,
don't hesitate to reach out.
And Marie, if you're related to Stan Cooney, let me know.
I'd love to be in touch with Stan.
He was rhythm guitar.
I was drums in a particular band.
Nice.
Well, I'm a singer.
We can all form a band together.
Hey, let's get the band together.
Let's jam.
Yeah, Blues Brothers.
You ever see that movie?
I did a long time ago, yeah.
We're on a mission from God.
That was a line from the movie.
OK, next question.
Ed D, D-E-E. This is a good grand finale questions here for you.
Okay, I'm ready.
What is the meaning of life?
Is this all a dream?
Why should I participate in it?
Okay.
Three big questions.
We're going into the deep end here.
What is the meaning of life?
Well, it depends on who you ask
and how you look at things
or what perspective or what lens you're looking at things through.
I would say, number one,
And the meaning of life is whatever you define as your meaning of life.
You get to choose.
I would also say from the level of consciousness that the meaning of life is to realize the
self, to realize our true nature.
And there are a lot of spiritual masters who talk about how all of creation is really just
consciousness evolving so that it can know itself. So that would be the purpose
of life according to that level of understanding. And then the other thing I
would say is that everything by virtue of its existence has meaning. It has
inherent meaning. So we don't have to overlay meaning onto anything because
every form, every being has its own inherent meaning already embedded in it
just because it exists. It's all a dream, it's all an appearance, it's a dream of God,
it's happening within the world, and if it didn't have an important role to play it
wouldn't exist. Good. So is this all a dream? Yeah, thanks for reminding me about
those other questions. Is this all a dream? Yes and no. Ultimately, yes. From the
absolute perspective, this is all a dream. It's all an appearance. It's a dream of
God. It's happening within divine mind. But also, no. It's real. This universe is
happening. It's real. It follows some observable laws of physics. Maybe we
don't understand all of them yet, especially on the quantum realm, but there's an order
to things and, you know, so it's real in that sense and especially for those who haven't
woken up from the dream, it's very real for them. So for those who haven't woken up from
the dream, you want to honor that it's real. So both.
Then his final question is, "Why should I participate in it?"
Why should I participate? Well, you don't have to. Well, I don't know. I don't think... Actually,
I changed that. I think...
You're here. You're participating, like it or not.
Exactly. You're participating no matter what.
Even your non-participation is a form of participation.
But why should you do it? Well, that's up to you.
I'd say because there's tremendous potential, opportunity in it
for great growth in evolution of your soul.
And "may K. Willis unshines" again, to use that phrase.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Tremendous potential for spiritual evolution
in this day and age.
- And I'd like to add to that also by saying,
you're here and you're here for a reason.
If you weren't supposed to participate
or you didn't want to participate on some level,
you wouldn't be here.
So you're here, which means that on some level,
you are wanting to participate.
So I would say, get in touch with that level of your being
and see what that level wants to do
and how it wants to participate.
And ultimately, yeah, you serve.
You want to realize your full potential.
You want to help others realize their full potential.
I mean, that's my reason for participating.
- And you can flip his question a little bit.
I mean, you could infer from his question
that he's saying, "What's in it for me?"
But you could flip it to say, "What can I do for others?"
- Sure.
- Here I am, how can I help?
- Yeah.
- And then you really get some meaning out of it.
Go ahead, what were you saying?
- Absolutely, Neil Donald Walsh,
who's the author of Conversations With God,
another book I really love,
he says that there is no why,
so the why question is kind of a useless question
and it's never gonna get answered anyways.
The important question is what.
What am I going to do with what I have with this moment?
So, awaken and you will see the beauty of existence
and then you'll wanna participate.
- There was a spiritual teacher in India who said,
He said to get a human life is very rare.
There are so many different forms of life you can go through before getting the opportunity
to be human.
He said if you attain a human life but fail to reach God, then you have sold a diamond
for the price of spinach.
That's profound.
Kind of reminiscent of Meher Baba too, who talks about all the stages of life that you
go through before you get to be a human.
Yeah, I agree.
So thank you for those questions.
Those were great questions.
Thank you, Ed, and the others.
And thank you, Ellie.
It's been great talking to you.
You're a very easy guy to interview.
You just--
Oh, thank you.
You just roll along.
Thank you.
Yes.
That's my style.
I just flow.
Even in the band, when I was in the band in New York,
they used to call me Flow.
That was my nickname.
So just always been flowing.
That's my style.
A couple of things I'd like to say if we're going to wrap up.
I just want to say thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my testimony.
You know, I know there's some different views on whether it's appropriate to share spiritual
experiences or not.
And I understand why, you know, sometimes the ego can get involved and if we share then
we get big headed or people idealize us or we idealize ourselves and devalue others or
We get attached to certain experiences and we expect them to stay or we try to get them back.
And so there's some danger to sharing, but I'm more of the opinion, especially as a therapist,
I understand the value of talk therapy and the healing aspects that it can bring.
So I'm of the opinion that it's really important to share. So I wanted to do that today. It felt
important to share my story because hopefully it can give hope to people and inspiration and
You know, it's one more testimony that awakening is real, that the end of suffering is a real
possibility for someone. And hopefully by hearing my story you can also realize that nothing is
standing in the way of self-realization except for ourselves, our own egos, our own attachments,
our own limitations, our own self-created identifications and resistance and divisions,
and the mental overlay that we place on reality, the narratives or the stories that we overlay
onto existence. So hopefully by hearing my story you can see that medications were not an obstacle,
Psychological problems were not an obstacle.
Illness, physical illness was not an obstacle.
It all seemed like an obstacle at one point but ultimately it wasn't.
And even meditation technique wasn't an obstacle.
If one meditation technique doesn't work for you, try another.
Try not to be too attached, stay open to what the intuitive wisdom has to tell
you from within and persevere. Like Rick said,
That's the common denominator for most people I think who have awakened.
So don't give up. It's the most important thing that you can do.
It's the end of suffering. It means peace and joy and love in every moment
and greater service to the world. So keep doing your work. It's worth every effort.
And I'll end with a quote from Lahiri Mahasaya who said,
"Banat Banat Banjai" which means "Striving, Striving, One Day Victory".
That's kind of a goofy question. Some guy asked, "Could the band have been called Flo and Ellie?"
Sure, why not? Why not? Yeah, and what you were just saying about no obstacles and stuff reminds
me of a Gita verse which was that it says, "No effort is lost and no obstacle exists.
even a little of this Dharma removes great fear.
100% I know that verse.
I didn't mean to have the last word after your brilliant little...
Oh no, it's all good.
Wrap up there, yeah.
And...
It's all good.
Good.
Alrighty, so thanks so much and we'll be in touch
and maybe when Phil and I have our monthly conversations
we can make it a threesome you can join in too.
Sure.
That'd be fun.
Yeah, and I'd love for you guys to come out and visit as well.
Yeah, I'd love to do that sometime.
You're always welcome.
Thank you so much, Rick and Irene, and thank you to everyone watching. I hope that was
enjoyable and useful in some way. Great. And thanks to those who've been listening or watching.
My next interview will be with Lisa Carillo. I've listened to a little bit of her first book so far,
and I'm really enjoying what she has to say. It's about getting out of the way, as you've been
saying, and all the blessings that are bestowed upon you when you let go and let God, as the
the bumper sticker says. Yes, the grace is always there. It's just waiting for us to
be open to it. Great. So, alright everybody. Thanks. Take care everyone.
[Music]
[BLANK_AUDIO]